#death of parent

[monstersandmaw]

Heads up (read tags too) on what’s been going on.

Just a little heads up that my dad is dying and he’s probably going to go in the next week. It could be longer, but I went to see him today and he looked like a cadaver, barely clinging to life. This was probably the last time I’ll see him.

It’s been a harrowing few months for him, for my mum, and for me, and I want to thank those of you who knew and have been enormously kind. Our lives have been completely on hold while he’s been slipping away, and it’s clear that he’s not long for this world.

He smiled and knew who I was when I held his hands today, but he couldn’t speak and he couldn’t even turn his head or hold it in place or lift it from the pillow. He couldn’t drink and he’s so thin that they’ve stopped weighing him because he’s too ill for them to worry about that now. He honestly looked like a corpse in the bed already.

I just wanted to post this so anyone wondering where I’ve been and why I’ve not felt like doing much in the creative line of things for months can now hopefully just understand.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts and messages over the past few months. Please don’t feel like you need to add anything or reach out because of this, but I just wanted folks to know why I’ve been so reclusive and empty for the better part of this year so far.

Take care of yourselves, and let your loved ones know you love them, every chance you get.

#tw death #death #mention of death #death of parent #death of father #mention of dying #mention of dying parent #terminally ill parent #parental death #all the warning tags I can think of but lemme know if I missed one #non monster post #personal post

[mywingsareonwheels]

The last thing Morse’s father ever says to Morse is that he doesn’t like his choice of career[1], with a few other hints of big disappointment.

The last thing Thursday ever says to Morse, at least in the canon that we have[2] is that he’s done well, just as Thursday always knew he would.

Whatever other emotions we have about Morse and Thursday’s parting... aaaaaah. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[1] And honestly disliking the police is the one (1) thing Cyril Morse and I have in common, but a) for *extremely* different reasons, b) still a v shitty thing to say under the circs. 

[2] Letter-writing headcanon continues. :D

#itv endeavour #endeavour s9 #fred thursday #endeavour morse #cyril morse #endeavour spoilers #death of parent

[merdet]

In 2018, I was contracted to do this short comic series, Charlie's Spot, and it was right around the time that my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I started the series after he passed and I designed Charlie after him, which made working on the pages really difficult at first. It was one of my very first comic gigs and it was really hard knowing that he wouldn't be around to see it. Anway, here is a one-page tribute I made for the kickstarter release of issue #1.

#tw death #tw death of parent #cw death #cw death of parent #comic #comicart #comicpage #indiecomics #indie comics #CEX publishing #digitalart #webcomic #autobio comic #autobio comics #death of parent #family loss #fuck cancer

[the-dwarfs-den]

Turtles All the Way Down

When I picked up this book I thought it was going to be a story full of mystery, however, in good John Green fashion it was way deeper. I have read a number of John Green’s novels, and this is one that I haven’t read. Just like all of John Green’s books, it was a depiction of real emotion and real life.

The main character, Aza, is a young girl in high school who quickly shows that she has a severe mental illness that haunts her. Her friend, Daisy, is the complete opposite of her. Daisy loves adventure and trying out new things and can’t completely understand why Aza is the way that she is. 

They discover that the billionaire in their city was missing and Aza admits that she knows the billionaire’s son. In response, Daisy decides for them that they were going to go over to his house and find the hidden camera that would have detected the billionaire running away from the house. They decide to take a canoe and go to the house and connect to the camera which they managed to find the video and save it. However, they were caught and Daisy decided to smash the boat so that they could have an excuse to see Davis.

After seeing Davis, Aza and Davis decided to rekindle their friendship. While trying to rekindle their friendship, Aza and Daisy start looking into researching the disappearance of the billionaire. However, Davis doesn’t want any information found and gives Aza $100k just so she can leave the case be. She splits the money with Daisy but decides that she doesn’t want to stop working on the case.

While Daisy is spending her money, Aza is still trying to figure out the case for Davis’s brother. They continue on with life but Aza starts reading Daisy’s fanfiction and quickly discovers that Daisy had created a character that represented Aza that hurt her feelings. She stays quiet for a long while until she and Daisy are going to Applebee’s and Aza starts yelling at Daisy because she is hurt by the accusations which leads to Aza getting into a car accident.

After the car accident, Aza has a mental breakdown and ends up on house arrest for a few weeks before going back to school where her relationship with Daisy is healed and they move on with life. Even though Aza wants a relationship with Davis, she also wants to get better so she decides that she doesn’t want to have a relationship.

Aza and Daisy go to an art show for their friend and discover that they made it to the last clue Davis’s father had left. After telling Davis, Davis and his brother decide to tell the police and the body is quickly found.

This story had a deep connection to me. When I was in high school I had a debilitating anxiety that constantly plagued my mind so to see that written in a book made me feel seen. I could understand every single emotion that was written and I would honestly say that everyone needs to read this book to gain some insight on what it is like to have anxiety.

#book review #review #fiction #emotional #funny #hopeful #reflective #sad #self harm #car accident #mental illness #panic attack #suicide #death of parent #injury #blood #grief #cursing #young adult #john green #turtles all the way down

[kinziethings]

REVIEW: Northranger by Rey Terciero

REVIEW: #Northranger by Rey Terciero @RexOgle illustrated by @breindigo_ is coming soon. Loved this! timely, authentic, sweet. #queergraphicnovels #LGBTQIA #GraphicNovels

  “In this swoony and spooky teen summer romance graphic novel set on a Texas ranch, sixteen-year-old Cade Muñoz finds himself falling for the ranch owner’s mysterious and handsome son, only to discover that he may be harboring a dangerous secret. Cade has always loved to escape into the world of a good horror movie. After all, horror movies are scary–but to Cade, a closeted queer Latino teen…

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#2023 #2023 reviews #book #book lover #book review #Book Reviews #Books #Bre Indigo #Breast Cancer #Cancer #death of parent #graphic novel #homophobia #misogyny #new books #northranger #Queer Graphic Novel #racism #reviews #Rey Terciero

[shy-violet-soul]

It’s a strange thing to go about your life when someone you love is dying.

3 weeks and 6 days ago, my dad learned his cancer is growing & isn’t treatable, and chose to start hospice. “Hospice” - I knew in theory what it was. Some vague notion of kind faces and gentle hands that somehow made the journey of last days easy.

You don’t know that the reality of the process is much more stark. Everything we’ve come to expect to do for an illness or injury now must NOT be expected. You don’t know because it’s too morbid, too terrible to ask the grieving what it was like. Embarrassed and helpless, you prop them up in a careful corner with hugs and hand clasps and “thinking of you” texts.

6 days ago, Dad had 1 last round of radiation on the new brain tumors to buy him more time. It has wrought havoc on his body. Father’s Day was spent helplessly praying as he vomited and staggered a path back and forth to the bathroom.

I sat and listened to him breathe, overcome by the thought that this could be it - his last hours. But it wasn’t happening in that vague, nebulous kindness with no pain, no last gentle forehead kisses or my sister and brother-in-law with us to bear witness to the end.

I’m not ready. I want to hear his laugh a hundred more times, memorize the stories to tell his 4 grandchildren, take him on one last drive. I want to play him his favorite songs, take dozens more pictures, and watch one more John Wayne movie with him.

Tonight, he fell. And I was confronted with the other half of this painful journey - my mom. The woman who has led our family through more crap than any person should. The weight of watching her life partner of 48 years suffer, wither, has crippled her. I spent the still midnight end of the equinox calling non-emergency dispatch, on call triage nurses. My sister was pulled from a mom’s haggard sleep as we spoke in quiet hushes of the facts and our fears.

In the midst of this stark revealing, I’m recovering from surgery. The day after dad’s cancer news, I took an Uber to the hospital. I’d never felt more alone. My single-ness lay sharp-edged inside my chest. Precious friends stayed in constant touch, their love a balm across the distance (I love you, @thesassywallflower ). A warmth in the vacantness my family couldn’t or wouldn’t fill in my weakness.

I feel suspended - so much must be done, the days march on, but i can’t help the ear always listening for a text or a call. Oddly moored and waiting for the unknown tide that must come.

Forgive me for this pouring out. My brain is scrabbling to make sense of this weird time I find myself in. Life is so. Damn. Hard right now. And yet - it must be lived.

#personal #tw: cancer #trigger warning: cancer #cancer #cancer sucks #loss of parent #death of parent #dying parent #bleh

[pagerspages]

It's Been One Week

It’s been one week since my Step Father died. I said in my last post I was fine. I’m not. I’m not sure I’ll ever be fine again. My work gave me three days of paid bereavement time plus my two regular days off so I didn’t have to go back till Saturday. I’ve now worked two days and I feel as though everyone is walking on eggshells around me. I’m not sure how many of them know why I was gone but my manager seems to be protective of me since I got back which is really sweet. She’s great. My big boss finally acknowledged it. I texted him the morning it happened to ask him a question and today is the first time I’ve talked to him since. 

Not a single one of the people I consider my closest friends reached out to me to say more than they’re sorry for my loss. I have this friend group that I’ve known for 10+ years and not a single text or message to just ask me if I’m okay? All they had to say when I told them was “I’m sorry”. I almost left our group over that but I don’t have the energy for the drama. 

My fellow neurodivergent people know what masking is. If you don’t know, look it up, or don’t I don’t care. My mask isn’t gone gone but it’s definitely broken. I work in customer service so I’m usually masking all day long. I haven’t had the energy to do that the last two days. My coworkers have noticed and so have a few customers but without the mask I don’t really care. I’ve also noticed, I used to mask at work and kind of just live at home. Since he died and I’m trying to put on a brave face for my family, I’m masking at home and not as much at work. I’ve discovered as well that the anger I had in my childhood has been under that mask the whole time. The ironic thing is that it was my stepdad that helped me reign in the anger. It seems almost poetic that not that he’s gone it’s back.

Going through his stuff has been so fucking hard. He was a hoarder, there’s not sugar coating that. It’s been a job trying to sort out the junk from the good. It makes me feel so guilty throwing out this stuff. Have found a few gems though. Pictures from his and my moms wedding, I don’t remember him ever looking that young. An old diecast Harley Davidson that I had given him a few years ago. I even kept a few of his shirts even though they’re like 5 sizes too big. I kept more than I probably should have but it would hurt too bad to get rid of it. 

I’m glad I have this blog though. Ever since taking a creative writing class in high school writing has been the best way for me to get my feelings and my thoughts in order. I know that almost no one reads these but it makes me feel better that I’m putting my thoughts and views and problems out into the universe.

#grief #Death of parent #life #long post #personal

[calltoamentor]

Take the Damn Photo

I used to love a man who mocked me every time I wanted a picture, and who never took pictures of me unprompted. He felt I was wasting time, that the things I wanted to take pictures in front of weren’t aesthetic enough or my outfit wasn’t right. That my selfies with him were stupid and wasteful. It took me a painful number of years to realize that part of this lumped in with the fact that he…

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#death and loss #death of parent #generational trauma #grief #grief work #grieving #Letting go and moving on #Loss of self #narcissistic abuse #photos

[lazylittledragon]

you know what fuck it we’re doing dadstarion

#bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #idk if this is canon to the dorianverse yet but he looks like a little hobbit!!! #this is a Long long long time post brain i think. since they’ve sorted out the daywalker thing #i don’t think he’d be affectionate but i think he’d be VERY protective #they’re not bad parents in the way that they neglect or mistreat him or even just don’t love him #i think they love him to death but you just shouldn’t give your small child a KNIFE #this one is my favourite sister bc she reminds me of robin

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[monstersandmaw]

Thank you folks for your kind words and messages. I don't want to clog up people's dashboards too much with non-monster/writing/fantasy stuff, so I won't post any more condolences messages publicly, but please know that I've read them and I'm hugely touched by them, thank you.

#grief #parental death #death of parent #death of father #personal post #non monster post #back to your regularly scheduled monsterfuckery and fantasy though

[proxycrit]

(I point. Gently, in the voice of somebody who’s mind touched by the outer gods, i whisper truth in your ears:

Your honor the horses are now lesbians

(Anyways here’s the designs)

#mlp #based off my mlp redesigns (no i will not be taking criticism) #mlp redesign #fluttershy is now a giant jacked carnivorous shire horse with anxiety #rarity is a trans queen and she’s carrying the plot on her back #applejack’s been bequeethed the oldest child syndrome after the traumatic death of her parents and learned to do taxes at the tender age of #13?? how do horses age #and rainbow dash is both loved and reviled by her pegasi foundry because she has ‘too much gryphon in her’ #(but she FAST AS FUC BOI.) #anyways pinky’s my favorite. we don’t know whats up with pinky but she smiles a lot and the world distorts around her at exactly 1014 am. #twilight is celestia’s favored pupil prophet and is trying her best to figure out what the hell is up with pinkie and failing spectacularly #twilight also hatched a dragon from an inert stone and people have opinions about that #mostly ‘what are you feeding her’ #(holds rarity and applejack) i think they’re neat together #they bond over growing up too quickly and have a vi-caitlynn thing goin on #(squints) didnt draw the cute mark crusaders but they’d be like. the batmen of the town. and it was fun and games until twilight heard #and gave them ACTUAL weapons #rarity #applejack #rainbow dash #twilight sparkle #fluttershy #pinkie pie #spike the dragon #I FORGOT SPIKE #spike’s a stone dragon that hatched from a stone egg. he is not meant to exist. he’s an elderitch horror and a baby boy and we love #and cherish his adorable little face #art #critdraws #Rest your Weary Hooves in our New Found Home

[charlietheepicwriter7]

De-Aged Danny, gesturing to a dazed Bruce inside Wayne Manor: And this is Bruce! Otherwise known as the Himbo! Reporters: Hmm, yes, interesting... Bruce: What the- Danny: I'm not sure what that word means. I heard it from Dick, but no one will give me my answer, not even Jason, who is easily bribed. Bruce: Why are there reporters in my house!? Danny, innocent and childlike: They asked to come inside, Bruce! They seemed like really nice people, so I thought it'd be polite to give them a tour. Bruce, filled with infinite patience: I really wish you had asked me before you did that, chum. Danny: But why? We don't have anything to hide... do we, Bruce?

Or, in order to rise to the Ghost Throne, Danny has to complete a series of trials to prove he is capable of ruling (or any other reason, Danny just needs to do trials to prove himself).

The last trial, issued by Clockwork, is thus: discover the Wayne Family secret in two weeks without the use of any of his powers.

He has one shapeshift to pick a form that could endere him to the Waynes, but only one before he starts and he has to get close to the family by his own wits. Danny, after studying the family and reading of one sentence summary of each Wayne, picks the body of a six-year-old little boy that looked like a child Jason Todd.

Bruce: That child is up to something. Dick, third favorite: I don't know, Bruce; he acts like a normal kid. Jason, #1 favorite: I doubt the old man's ever met a normal kid. Tim, least favorite: Bruce is right, but can you please not talk like the villains from Chicken Run.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dcxdp #de-aged danny #danny thinks the trials happen in simulations in the GZ #he has no idea they were alternate realities each time #c: danny fenton #c: bruce wayne #c: dick grayson #c: jason todd #jason is favorite since danny is convinced that his “death” has to do with the Secret #and also for being completely 100% ok with throwing down with a child #tim is least favorite because he's too suspicious #damian is second favorite for also being 100% ok with throwing down with a child #dick is tearfully trying to gentle parent jason into being a good big brother #all “you're going to be such a good big brother let me teach you.” #which jason doesn't NEED but is kinda flattered that dick has so much faith in him to be a big bro

[the-dwarfs-den]

Lally's Game

Robot children anyone? This is all this book was and it was honestly creepy. I haven’t read the rest of the books that were in the series, I just decided to pick this up because I fell in love with the pizzaplex game.

The first little short story is about a girl who is helping other kids but in the process she is actually killing herself. Each time she heals a kid, she starts coughing up these robotic parts. It’s a gift and a curse at the same time because she can’t help herself. She works part-time at a hospital at the children’s wing as well. She first saves a kid that is dying on the side of the road. She then tries to live a normal life but finds a kid in the hospital and gives them a piece of her life. Afterwards, she starts hanging out with a kid in her class and is experiencing a lot of turmoil. While she wants to save people, she knows it is limited and that she can’t live a life for herself. Her last piece of life is given to a child in the hospital wing and that’s the last time she’s seen as she turns into a pile of metal parts.

The second story is a little darker. A couple is about to get married near the man’s family home. They’re excited and getting rid of some of their possessions to make room in their new house. However, the man doesn’t want to get rid of one particular chest that has been with him for a long time. The woman is obviously curious about it but doesn’t ask much about the trunk. They move closer to his home and she starts to ask questions to her new mother-in-law about his childhood. She tells the woman that when he was a child the pizzaplex was his favorite place and his favorite attraction was Lally’s Game. But then an accident happened and he stopped going to Lally’s Game. The wife became more curious about her husband not telling her about an important time in his childhood and decided to question him about it but he never talked. The wife went back to her mother-in-law and questioned her a bit more only to get pushed to the side. The wife became curious about the chest and decided she was going to get it open. She manages to open the chest and before she can look inside the chest, her husband finds her and opens the chest to reveal nothing was in it. After a while of her husband constantly going through the house, she asked her husband what was going on. He told her that Lally was infatuated with him and that a kid decided to join them and Lally killed that kid. Afterwards, they attempted to close the attraction but Lally disappeared and started appearing around his home. So, he chose to put the chest in the middle of the room and locked Lally in it, but the wife didn’t believe him. It wasn’t until she spotted Lally that she was distraught by the appearance. She went to her mother-in-law’s house and she told her that Lally didn’t move, the kids had to move him. The wife went back home and started to pack up her belongings, believing her husband was the one who murdered the child. The wife bashed the husband in the head and hid in the closet. When the husband finally woke up he went to the chest and saw that his wife was dead in the chest. In the next scene he was with a new woman who was now asking about the chest.

The last story had to be the creepiest for me. This girl is hanging out with her friend’s at the pizzaplex when she wants to go into their newest attraction, the AR simulation. The AR simulation is a combination between VR and the real world. You can touch, taste, hear, smell, and anything you can do in the real world can happen in AR. However, when they go over they realize that the attraction is down, however, it doesn’t stop her from going under and trying the AR attraction because she wants her wish, even if it isn’t real, a big birthday party. When she sits in the AR she gets her wish, leaves the attraction and goes to the themed roller coaster then goes home. However, it isn’t until almost a year goes by that her grandparents have been diagnosed with cancer. After several more months, everyone is getting cancer and dropping dead and the new babies are these weird jelly humanoids. The very end is her thinking that she is still stuck in the AR simulation and gets suffocated by the jelly humanoids.

This book was honestly spooky to me for a YA book, this wasn’t what I was expecting. I read Goosebumps as a kid and even some ghost stories. I watched a number of horror movies too and watched a lot of paranormal activity as well, but this book I had to put down several times because it was kind of creepy. I thought this was a pretty good story and I could actually see myself re-reading this story. I can’t wait to read the rest of the stories because I know how creepy they are.

#book review #review #dark #horror #young adult #ya books #cancer #child death #death #grief #pandemic #death of parent #car accident #lally's game #scott cawthon #FNAF #kelly parra #andrea waggener

[cannabiscomrade]

With that story of the person buying a pregnancy test being sent formula samples in the mail getting traction recently, it needs to be pointed out that this is not new.

With my most recent pregnancy in 2020, I started receiving formula samples in the mail from Similac and Enfamil in my first trimester. My email was quickly passed between pregnancy and baby specific companies and my inbox became flooded with emails advertising countless products and services.

I was harassed by 2 cord blood storage companies after briefly browsing one of their websites. After my baby was diagnosed as terminal, I had a phone conversation with a rep who tried to convince me multiple times to store her cord blood for my future babies.

After Sam was born/died, within a week of my delivery I received a congratulations letter and offer from Gerber Life Insurance in the mail, also without my consent. I continued receiving formula coupons despite reporting her death to the companies multiple times, and even now I receive toddler formula coupons from time to time.

Amazon has tracked my purchases to the point that they know I (should) have a 19 month old and will advertise me toddler and baby things for girls, despite never having linked an AGAB to my Amazon account.

This level of capitalistic surveillance of pregnancy in the US specifically is not new and with the repeal of Roe v. Wade it should terrify you.

#pregnancy #parenting tag #child death #stillbirth #I did not have a miscarriage please stop tagging it as this

[absolutedream-art]

Previous

Paleo reveals a bit about his family.  Copper comforts his friend.

#pokemon #mewtwo #copper #dart #rowlet #babytwo #paleo #wimpod #comic #tw parental death #DartandCopperComic