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shiroi---kumo · 1 year

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Anonymous whispered:

Are you certain there are none of your people left out there wandering Wonderland, Makenshi?

Are you so sure you're alone?

Is he sure that he's alone?

Is he sure that he's the only one left?

Can he say that without a shadow of a doubt in his mind that he is, in fact, the last MIsterican?

No.

Plain and simply put.

No.

His eyes drop. His gaze breaks. His face flushes to the faintest shade of pink as the prince begins to mumble out his thoughts aloud.

"Well no I - " He starts with his gaze descending faster and faster towards the ground below.

" - No I can't say that for a fact. I can't. However it .... it doesn't make any sense otherwise. I - I've never found them you see. I've never found.... anyone. I - "

His hands stitch together as his fingers begin to awkwardly push and pull at themselves. Fingers picking at the skin around his nails as he feels his face grow hot.

" - I - I - I have found my home within the bounds of Wonderland but ... it was - it was... - it was empty. It was - it was a - it was a ghost town. I found it. What little remains of Misterica here but within it's bounds was nothing but an empty city of crystal. Our buildings remained. The palace, the church, festival square, and the town. All of it was there but .... it was only filled a stillness the Kingdom has never known before."

"The problem here is - no one could have survived Misterica's fall. I remember it so vividly. I have seen the destruction of my home hundreds, no thousands of times in my dreams - and yet it took years for me to realize that not even I survived it's fall.

I was - I was a young foolish thing at the time. Just a boy, without a clue as to how the world worked or the universe functioned. I did not know I was immortal nor had I ever heard of a thing like The Unlimited. I couldn't even fathom the idea of dying and then coming back from it as if it had never occurred at all.

I was seventeen. I was seventeen and I woke up on Windaria terrified and alone. All I had was the Maken at my side and not a clue where I was. I didn't have a clue until a girl with deep hair, a shot gun and speaking a foreign language found me. Speaking the language of my enemy. I thought - I thought I survived it somehow.

I thought the Maken had gotten blown away in the destruction and somehow - by some miraculous blessing of the Celestial Mother - I survived it and merely woke up on Windaria. It wouldn't be until three years later when I woke up in Wonderland that I realized what had actually happened.

I thought I survived Misterica. I thought I survived Windaria. I thought I just woke up in these different worlds after falling unconscious but that was hardly the case. I did not wake up - I revived.

So in all my years in Wonderland, I have only been able to move about it freely within the space of little more than the last year. So I - I haven't had the time to look for them. I am always looking. I am always praying. I am always holding my breath that one day I'll prove myself wrong and I'll find someone. Anyone. But no I cannot say that for sure... but yet I just - I don't know how anyone else would have survived."

#anon || voices in the wind #ask || inquires of the cloud #unprompted || passing clouds #topic: Misterica #topic: Wonderland #topic: A Prince's Life #topic: Windaria #tw; long post #tw; depresson #tw; death #tw; survivor's guilt

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justabitbelowaverage · 2 years

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The Importance Of Validation In The Mental Health Community

DISCLAIMER: I can not diagnose any of the conditions you have through a screen. If you display behaviors similar to those associated with the conditions I describe, it does not automatically mean that you have these conditions. If you are worried about your own mental health, please seek out a medical professional qualified to help you.

I discuss serious topics in this post. I don’t believe any material would be too triggering for someone to read but I can’t pretend to know how my words affect everyone so read at your own discretion.

I discuss topics including but not limited to: cognitive distortion, depression, anxiety, habitual lying, histrionic personality disorder, the idea of faking symptoms, and past internalized homophobia (Very briefly. You’d have to squint to see it)

I once walked in on my mother and sister reading my diary together when I was little and laughing about what I’d written. From then on, I got into the habit of hiding my diaries in places I knew nobody would find them. Well, after doing some Spring cleaning recently, I managed to unearth a lost diary of mine from at least eight years ago.

Among the entries of confessions of lies I told my parents and admissions of crushes I had on the “wrong” gender, I found something rather disturbing. Don’t worry, this isn’t just a post about my whole diary. Instead, it’s one little collection of words that continued to come up on the many pages.

I spoke to my diary like it was a person. Feeling like I had to resort to speaking to empty pages probably should have been my first warning sign that I needed therapy but that’s not the point I’m getting to. See, I would often apologize to my diary for rambling or instruct my diary not to tell anyone the secrets I was about to write. This is important because the thing that I kept saying in my most vulnerable entries was:

“I don’t know if I’m just making this up for attention, but...”

A child who knew that nobody but herself would ever read her diary was actively prefacing each entry with the fact that I may be a delusion pick-me girl. That’s...concerning, to say the least. The reason I said it was because there were so many people whose opinions I valued that convinced me to think that way.

I grew up with an older sibling who was a habitual liar. As such, they paved the way for me with parents that had little faith in whatever I told them. Most stories I told about teachers that treated me unfairly or random “malfunctions” as I was keen on calling them (ticks and stims) were met with a lecture about the dangers of crying wolf.

This created a disconnect in my own mind; an experience I wish could say was exclusive to me. I viewed myself as such an unreliable narrator that in a way, I caused my own mental illness on top of the ones that I actually did have but nobody believed me about.

That’s why it’s so important in the mental health community that we don’t ever accuse anyone of faking their symptoms. It can not only worsen the problem but open the door to new problems that I’ve been unable to even find a name for. A mental illness that convinces you that you are faking your own mental illness.

It’s a lot more common than you might think.

The closest thing we have to a similar diagnosis (to my knowledge) is anosognosia, a condition in which you are cognitively unaware of a medical condition such as a mental illness. But you can see how this is not the same as what I’m describing. What I’m talking about is the denial of your own mental illness even when you are aware of your symptoms.

Maybe if imposter syndrome and anosognosia had a child with a depressive disorder, that would relate more to this symbiotic curse of your mind concocting new mental illnesses based on your pre-existing ones.

Let’s say that someone is faking their symptoms. Let’s say we have a 100% guaranteed way to prove that someone does not actually have a condition such as depression or anxiety and we somehow know for a fact that their symptoms are inauthentic.

Why are they faking it? That should be the next question we ask instead of diving in with some kind of persecution. Their reason for faking one mental illness could be its own mental illness.

May I introduce you to: histrionic personality disorder.

This would be a mental condition where someone has a distorted sense of self, unstable emotions, and a detrimental desire for approval. This disorder can make a person display attention-seeking behaviors. It’s not like it’s an easy one to treat but that’s because personality disorders as a whole are...complicated.

But I digress.

What do you think would happen if a person with histrionic personality disorder were suddenly met with a barrage of hate for acting out to get attention? While nobody can say for certain, know that it could be cataclysmic.

In conclusion, don’t take it upon yourself to determine whether or not someone’s mental health conditions/symptoms are authentic and especially do not try to tell them that they’re faking. It can have some real consequences that nobody seems willing to talk about lately.

But I also harbor the unpopular opinion that even a psychological professional can’t determine if a person’s mental health symptoms are “real” or not so don’t feel the need to agree with me.

In fact, feel free to voice your own opinion as you are always welcome. If you want a response, let me know. If my responding would make you uncomfortable, also let me know. My inbox is always open for asks and anonymity is always an option there.

#TW depression #depresson #mental health #mental help #mental health advice #tw personality disorders #tw mental health #tw childhood

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littlerockhead · 1 year

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Had a good night but Anxiety has gotten to me and feel too drunk night has ended so depressing even when I have been looking forward to it for ages... I'm definitely going be throwing up when I get home and probably cry in end

#depresson #Tw depression #self destruction #mental health #Unstable #unsocial #alcoholic #mentally exhausted #selfdestructive

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maudsaysstuff · 3 years

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Me, finally happy again and very excited to really enjoy christmas again: :D

Depression: *hits 3 weeks before Christmas*

Me: :/

#i had so much stress because of school #and i didnt have much time for myself because I was constantly studying #so i fell back in the hole ive been climbing out of for a whole year #fuck this honestly #depresson tw #tw depression #maud talks

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miwachan2 · 2 years

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Just ignore this ,,uwu,,

#vent art #depression #color #persona #dont worry about it ^^#tw depresson #ink #melting

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plaguedghosts · 3 years

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I really need happiness right now

#tw depresson

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massivekryptonitechaos · 1 year

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Today is one of those days i just want to have become skinny and dead, so that i would have accomplished somenthing in my life.

#depressing quotes #depressao #depresson #this is depressing #depression #depressing life #weightloss #thispo #mentalillness #weight loss #diet #tw ed rant #eating things #tw eating things #tw #tw ed implied #tw death #tw depressing stuff

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whentheresidentsareevil · 3 years

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Have I been having a massive depressive episode? Yes

Will I be doing anything about it? No

#bruh i woke up at 3 today #i lay in bed and stare at the wall and occasionally get in my computer #my mother be like; just eat some damn oatmeal #personal #cw depresson #tw depression #should i get my meds changed? who knows not me

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all-this-panic-still-no-disco · 4 years

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Suicidal depression is not wanting to be alive but you don’t want to die either

#depression #emotions #depressed #gen z #cause we all gon die #suicide #suicidal depresson #tw suicide

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positivelly-pessimisticc · 4 years

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you know, it’s really sad how scared i am of my mom.

i’m scared of her finding out that i started cutting again. i’m scared of her knowing that i’m not better and i still wanna die. i’m scared of her knowing how much i truly hate myself. i’m also scared she’ll take it out on herself. that she’ll blame herself for the way that i am.

last night i dreamed that my mom found my pocket knife in one of my drawers. idk why she was in it, but a feeling of dread washed over me and i was freaking out so bad i woke up almost in a panic attack. why does my mom scare me so much? well maybe because i can’t tell her anything without her yelling at me for feeling that way or hitting me. does she hit me because she thinks she can scare the feelings away? you can hit me all you want, but that won’t make it any better. you can’t whack away all the negativity inside of me, all of the emptiness and the sadness and the anger. does it make you feel better? watching me hurt. watching me cry because of the pain. watching me starve myself because i hate the way i look. if it does, stop trying to shove food down my throat, stop getting upset with me for feeling depressed and alone. i can’t help it. if i could, don’t you think i’d have made those feelings go away?? don’t you think i’d be happy rn?

i wish i didn’t have to hide from my parents. i wish i could go to them when i’m feeling down. i wish i could tell them things without being a disappointment. i wish i didn’t have to be perfect for them to love me. but i could keep wishing and wishing and none of it will come true.

#tw self hate #tw self harm #tw suicide #tw depresson #disappointment #empty #worthless #tw ed #i hate myself and i just wanna die

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freepuppydonut · 4 years

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#tw sucidal thoughts #Depresson

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csasurvivorthings · 4 years

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Rant

So a few weeks ago I did a NEDA walk. And I formed a team of friends to walk with me. Then my one friend posted pictures from the walk, and cropped me out of her pictures. And I am super super pissed. Like it was my team, I organized everything, and she just pretended I didn't exist. And I'm the one who has actually struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life. So don't call yourself an ally when you use an event that means SO MUCH to someone as an excuse to continue to ostracize them.

#rant #rant tw #my rants #eating disorder #eating disorders #ed #bad friends #need new friends #depressed af #depresson #depression #depressed

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bobasheebaby · 5 years

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Gilded Cage- When Fairytales Break chapter 1

Pairing: Liam x MC; Bastien x MC

Word count: 1,589

Warnings: angst, feelings of being trapped, depression, suggestion of past adultery.

Summary: Everly finds herself contained in the worlds most beautiful cage, but all she wants is to break free.

A/N: I blame my muse and PB for this series literally no one asked for. My first thought when I saw the cover for TRR4 was “what if the baby comes out looking like Bastien?” My muse took this to a kinda dark place. There was no scandal, Everly was chosen right away. Canon Liam is slightly oblivious, especially when it comes to MC having feelings for one of their friends, well this Liam is REALLY oblivious. You’ll see, he’s not evil, just a little blind to the facts.

Series warnings: dark, depression, feeling of being trapped, past cheating, cheating, may go NSFW. By asking to be tagged you acknowledge you are at least 18 years of age and can handle the content.

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from my taglist.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, I’m borrowing them.

When I first stepped onto the fancy private jet with Maxwell I had big plans. I would fall deeply in love with a prince and his country. We would get married and live happily ever after. It was supposed to be the perfect fairytale, and I was supposed to be the star, the modern day Cinderella. I didn’t realize then what I realize now, I’m not cut out for royalty.

The fancy dresses and parties where nice at first, but they weren’t me. I quickly felt trapped, like a caged bird desperate to spread her wings and once again fly free. I found myself ducking away from all the glitz and glam, taking refuge in the gardens. They were the one place at the entire palace that felt normal, calm, serene. It was there that my fairytale was both saved and broken. It was there that my knight in shining armor found me, hiding away trying desperately to pull myself together to be who I was expected to be. It was there that I finally fell in love, not with the prince, but his knight. He found me, saved me. I felt free for the first time since stepping foot in Cordonia. I was once again laughing when I was with him. I felt carefree and normal when I was by his side. I felt hope of still getting a happy ending to my fairytale. I felt like I might once again fly free.

If only it was that simple.

While my knight saw me as I was, a broken bird in a gilded cage desperate to be set free my prince saw me for who he thought I was. He saw a girl who would be a wonderful and benevolent queen who would rule by his side. He didn’t see how broken I was inside. He didn’t see the dried tears on my cheeks, or the forced smiles. He saw his happily ever after in me. He found his love with me, and I was once again trapped in my beautiful gilded cage from the second my name left his lips ‘Everly Thomas’.

My heart had sunk to the pit of my stomach. No, it couldn’t be. Couldn’t he see I wasn’t who he thought I was? Couldn’t he see the broken girl I had become? Why would he insist on trapping me within this gilded cage?

I tried to reason with him, tell him that I wasn’t who he thought I was. I tried to tell him I would make a horrible Queen. He brushed my words away as fears, cold feet. Everyone I tried to reach out to did. Everyone but my perfect knight. He was the only one who saw me as both the broken bird I’d become and the beautiful bird flying freely by his side. He was the only one who saw me, truly saw me. The real me.

I know you think I should be happy a prince could fall for a lowly waitress like me. I should stop complaining and be happy. The problem is, whether or not the cage is gilded or not one fact remains, it’s still a cage.

Tears dripped onto the page, ink running, as Everly dropped her pen. She rested her hand on her slightly swollen stomach. “Oh my little bird, I wish we could be free to soar.” She whispered softly. “I wish I hadn’t failed you so. You will grow in this gilded cage looking out at the world wishing to fly free. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in fairytales and happy endings we would both be free to soar in and out of the clouds. I’m so sorry little bird, please forgive me.” She sniffled as she looked out over the courtyard from her balcony. The most beautiful cage is still a cage. Oh I wish I was free to fly. As much as she felt trapped and hated her life, the life her child would be born into she knew she would never have her little bird if she hadn’t come to Cordonia. How can something be both your fairytale and your worst nightmare?

Everly closed her journal as she wiped her tears away. She stood and walked back into her large bedroom. Fit for a Queen. She tucked her journal away in the back of her underwear drawer, closing it just as she heard the door to their quarters open. She plastered her fake smile onto her lips, she never had a true smile grace her face anymore. The smiles that made her face split in two and her eyes sparkle were gone the day he stepped away. He couldn’t be hers, he never was and never could be. As much as they both hoped with all their hearts that they could have their fairytale ending it wasn’t meant to be. So he stepped aside when the second ring was slipped on her finger, the final nail in the coffin containing her freedom, her final chain securing her safely inside her gilded cage.

“Hello love, how’s our little bird today?” Liam asked, his arms slipping around her waist, hands resting on her small bump. He kissed the crown of her head smiling into her hair.

Everly blinked back hot stinging tears, from her grass green eyes at his use of her nickname for her child. They are my little bird. You took my freedom, do you have to take everything? Her heart ached in her chest, nothing was hers anymore, she lost all her freedoms the moment she said ‘I do’. “Little bird is doing great.” She said turning in his arms, false smile on her lips. This is your life now. There is no getting out. She froze in place, her forced smile faltering when she saw him over her husband’s shoulder. Her white knight, the man she loved and lost. The man she was doomed to long for eternity. What’s he doing here? He never comes into the quarters. Her heart raced as her tear filled grass green eyes met his stormy grey. He stood, back straight, hands clasped behind his back, his stoic face twitched as their eyes met. “Liam, why is Bastien here?” She asked pulling back, struggling to conceal her emotions from her face and voice.

“Love, I have to go away to save a deal.” Liam stated, brushing her cheek with his hand, not noticing her flinch away from his touch.

Everly’s face fell, for all the luxuries she was supposed to gain by being Queen, she saw none of them. She thought she might at least see the world, but she was almost always left behind, always held in her gilded cage. Her eyes turned downward, she knew what was coming he was leaving she was staying, and her knight would be off with her prince while she sat alone in her cage.

Liam tilted her head up, his chestnut brown eyes warm and loving locking on her solemn grass green. He didn’t flinch, he never noticed when she was sad or broken, not really. The only man to ever notice was the only man she could not have.

“Now love, I know you’re sad and will miss me, but I’ve asked Bastien here because I want to leave him with you. That way I know my love and little bird are safe.” Liam said looking deep into her eyes.

Everly’s heart pounded in her ears. He’s leaving me with my knight? He wouldn’t if he knew. Her mind raced, did he know, suspect? Was this some sort of test or trick? She glanced at Bastien seeing the same surprise painted on his face. Her eyes met Liam’s once more, all she saw was warmth and love. No, this wasn’t a test. He still had no clue what Bastien meant to her. He had no clue that she was a bird trapped in a gilded cage begging to to set free. He was clueless and may never know. She swallowed turning away. “Okay.” She replied nodded. Her hand grazed her bump, if only things were different little bird. How could she ignore her feelings with him stuck in her cage with her? She had been sure her prison could never be worse than it was, she now knew she had been wrong. Her love, the man that held her heart trapped by her side was almost a fate worse than the lonely existence she had grown used to. She wasn’t sure she would be able to resist him or stay away if they were alone together.

“Sir, are you sure I wouldn’t be more needed by your side?” Bastien questioned.

Everly turned at his words, eyes locking once more. She saw everything she felt floating in his stormy grey eyes, fear, confusion, love.

“Nonsense Bastien. Everly is far more important than I am now that she is carrying our heir.” Liam replied.

Everly flinched at Liam’s words. Heir, that’s all she was useful for, providing heirs. She sat in her gilded cage and was supposed to be happy surrounded by riches, never leaving. She was seen as a means to an end by many, a way to get an heir. I’m sorry little bird. Oh what she would give to escape her gilded cage, to fly free once more, to be by the side of her handsome knight happy and free. Her hand grazed her bump. If only… If only it were his, then she could be free of her gilded cage.

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#liam x mc #bastien x mc #king liam #bastien lykel #the royal romance #the royal romance au #trr au #choices the royal romance #gilded cage #when fairytales break #chapter 1 #tw broken spirit #tw depresson #tw feeling trapped #tw cheating #dark!fic #im sorry my muse was inspired by trr book 4 cover art

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