#did I make it all myself to avoid triggers | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snifferish · 2 months

Text

Never in my life did I think that re-tweeting resources for SA, and supporting victims would be considered problematic or performative.

I should not have to bare this, but I'm going to tell just one of my stories, because I need you to understand where I'm coming from. TW // Sexual Harassment

When I was 15, I had my wisdom teeth removed. I wanted to avoid using the pain medication they prescribed. I struggle a lot with sensory issues, medications and substances made it worse.

However, my surgery was for impacted teeth, and only two days in one of my stitches fell out. I was in so much pain, and couldn't eat solids w/ out pain for up to three weeks.

So, a week into my recovery, one of my friends invites me to their house. They were having our friend group over, it was just a little bonfire get together kinda thing. I took my pain meds a few hours prior, and only half a dose, but I was out of it to some degree, and somehow still in pain.

I was sitting on a lawn chair outside, when one of my close friends came over and asked to sit on my lap. Honestly, I said yes at first, because this was my childhood friend, someone I trusted, and I thought our relationship was incredibly platonic. Then he started to shift/grind about in my lap, and I started to feel things of theirs I did not want to. They made a noise that deeply unsettled me, and I told him to get off, they didn't. It was only when I told them that he accidently triggered the emergency call shortcut on my phone (it was in the pocket of the lawn chair, yes they were moving that much and I was moving trying to push him off) that he finally got up.

I was bewildered, and a bit confused, and also embarrassed that my phone nearly called 911. I claimed I wasn't feeling well, and went home early.

That was the first time someone touched me in a remotely sexual way, but I didn't dare to label it until I talked to my therapist. It made me dwell on a lot of experiences with this person as well. How obsessed they were with being taller than me, how often they'd grab me and force me to see if they were stronger than me. At the time, I was in a friend group of predominately non-men, and they were all friends with this person.

However, when I told them about this, when I expressed the discomfort it brought me. I was brushed off. "He's just like that!" oh "He probably didn't mean it" etc.

I didn't feel comfortable in the same room as this person. My friends would continue to invite them to hang outs. One of my other friends told everyone about what happened without my permission. I started having breakdowns in my classes with him. I had panic attacks all the time. I felt as if I had to continue this façade of being nice to him, or else I would lose my friends of years and years.

I was happy when covid started, because for the first time I had breathing room, but by then so much of my trust was dismantled.

Due to my friends association with this person, and the fact that not being their friend excluded me. I eventually got over it, and told myself I'd grown past it.

Three months ago, this same person admitted to me they hold extreme grudges against me, that they projected their "mommy issues" on to me, and quite literally said the words, "Yeah yeah, you're a woman who's outspoken and challenged me and that bothers me yeah yeah." in regards to that. They said it with sarcasm, like it was something they knew, and their mother was reminding them for the 12th time.

I bring this all up, not to make you feel guilty, but to discuss the harm of not supporting victims, not listening to them. It puts them in a position of isolation, and in a position to potentially be hurt again.

So yeah, I'm gonna be a little upset when people say I'm being "performative" about supporting victims of sexual harassment and SA. I'm not doing this because it benefits me, in fact it's caused a lot of backlash, horrible dms, and very triggering memories.

I'm doing it because I was once not heard, and i've sat with Caiti behind the scenes for months watching her lose passion for something she loved (content creation).

I didn't do this because I'm secretly sniveling behind the scenes tapping my fingers praying on peoples downfall. I'm not a Disney villain dude lmfao.

Honestly, this narrative that is being pushed, that people are doing it "because it benefits them" is quite ironic, considering most of the people talked about within the last 72 hours were under Wilbur's weird ass apology doing just that.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate how people are okay with this narrative, the misogynist undertones of it. I've seen people admit that they didn't like me or my friends the entire time, while simultaneously "calling us out" about this, so I ask you,

Are you calling us? Because it benefits your motives? Your feelings?

#snifferish #tw sa mention

536 notes · View notes

ponderingmoonlight · 4 months

Text

How JJK men react to different insecurities part 1

Pairings: Nanami x reader with facial scars (reqested by @ynackerman9499) Megumi x fem! reader with small breasts (requested by anon) Sukuna x reader with acne (requested by @sanicsmut)

Word Count: 2,9k

Warnings: if you feel triggered by any of those insecurities please don't read it, I'm writing this out of an insecure pov - there's nothing wrong with having scars, acne or small breasts okay 🤍 Hope y'all enjoy 🤍

Kento Nanami - facial scars

You look at yourself in the mirror, eyes already starting to sting in tears. Why? Why did it have to end like this? You were never a pity person, never worried too much about looks. But this, this is something completely different.

“Hey darling, are you okay?”

“Yeah…”, you mumble in response, shaky hand mindlessly dropping your toothbrush into the sink.

You hate the way you look, the way those ugly scars are now a part of your face that will never fade away. Even though you are lucky you even survived, even though all that counts for you is that your precious boyfriend is still around, you’ve been avoiding looking at your own self ever since, covering yourself with makeup and masks even around him.

Him. Kento Nanami. The light of your life, the best boyfriend you could ask for. He told you over and over how much he loves you, that he couldn’t care less about a few scars decorating your face. But ever since that fateful day, you hid yourself very well from him – so well that he hasn’t seen your face ever since.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”, a gentle voice behind you mumbles.

Before you are able to react, he wraps his arms around you from behind and presses your body against his large frame. Frantically, you cover your face with your hands, your mask laying on top of the shelf on the other side of the room. Fuck, why didn’t you lock the door as usual? How could you be so careless? If he gets to see you like this, a jaw-dropping gorgeous man like Kento…

Would he still love you after seeing you like this when you aren’t even able to accept yourself?

“Please stop hiding from me, (y/n). I know the last weeks were rough, that you are insecure about the scars the fight left on your face. But please, just let me look at you without makeup or that mask, let me finally see the love of my life again. You are too precious to not be looked at.”

“I’m not”, you cough out.

Don’t cry, don’t make it more embarrassing than it already is. You have always been so strong, so independent. Crying over something ridiculous like this doesn’t suit you at all. You know yourself that it’s stupid, hiding from the love of your life because of a few scars. But every time you look into the mirror, you see nothing but a crippled version of what you used to be, a shadow of the person Kento fell in love with.

You couldn’t take it. Over and over, you imagined how he’d stare at you with disgust creeping up his face, turning away from you and never coming back. No wonder, Kento is a very attractive man after all, women hitting on him every time both of you go out. But you…One single glimpse in the mirror is enough to make you shiver, to let a single tear fall down your eye.

You are far away from being attractive by now.

“I hate seeing you like this and it truly breaks my heart that I’m not able to see your gorgeous face anymore-“

“Because it’s not”, you scream so suddenly that he flinches.

“I look nothing like the person you fell in love with years ago! I-I’m nothing but a shadow of myself, Kento! If you see me like this, you…”

You can’t put it into words, the thought alone cutting through your heart like a knife through warm butter. He’s better off without you and you know it, he’d definitely be able to pull a nice partner for himself, one that doesn’t look as worn down as yourself. But your heart simply can’t take it, just thinking about him with someone else feels like dying from inside.

You can’t lose him. Even if it’s selfish.

“(y/n).”

Gently, he positions himself in front of you and grabs your face. You want to run away, want to hide your ugly scars from his gaze. But instead, you just stare at him blankly, tears rolling down your cheeks like a waterfall by now. Is this the moment, the moment he realizes that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore?

“Just like I expected. You look as breath-taking as you did back then. These scars show nothing but how strong you are, that you are able to survive everything. Why would you ever suggest that I’d leave you because of something like this? You are my treasure, my everything, (y/n). Wouldn’t you love me if I had scars all over my face?”

“Of course I would”, you sniff immediately.

Kento smiles down at you softy, placing a kiss on every little scar on your face while you cry your eyes out.

How? How do you even deserve a caring man like him, how is he still able to look at you with nothing but affection in his eyes?

“See? Now, put away those masks and your makeup and be proud of what you did, okay? You saved the lives of our first years. Never forget how strong you are.”

“I love you more than anything else, Kento”, you mumble before pressing your face against his firm chest and getting lost in his scent.

“I love you too, darling. Maybe even more with those scars.”

Megumi Fushiguro - small breasts

You watch in sheer disinterest as a random girl from another Jujutsu sorcerer school positions herself in front of you, her cheeky grin almost eating you up alive.

“And who are you?”

“I’m (y/n) and a student here at Jujutsu High”, you remark dryly, not interested the slightest in her cheeky tone.

From the outside, she definitely looks like a dream girl. Tall but not too tall, blonde but not too blonde, doe eyes but not too innocent. And not to mention, the big pair of cherries that seems to stare right through your soul.

Even though you know that you are a decent looking girl, this one thing about your body always made you feel insecure. Every damn day of puberty, you hoped for a miracle overnight, that your breast might eventually start growing. But of course, that never happened.

Instead, you seem to be stuck with small boobs until the end of time. And while it definitely has its advantages here and there, it always makes you feel bad about yourself when you see girls like her, girls who are blessed with those natural curves.

“What kind of woman is your type?”, you suddenly hear from afar, ears perking up just the slightest.

“I don’t know.”

You swallow. That voice you know all to well, the voice of bored Megumi Fushiguro. Who is he talking to? And why on earth does your heart start racing, waiting desperately for his response?

“Are you more like an ass or a boob guy?”

“As long as they have an unshakable character, I won’t ask for more.”

“I saw the way you blinked when I said boobs.”

“There’s nothing wrong with admitting the truth”, Yuji interjects.

“Even if I do, what’s the purpose of all these stupid questions!?”

Your heart sinks. Ever since you’ve joined Jujutsu High, you always had both eyes set on that gorgeous boy. And even though it always seemed a little ridiculous, you thought he even liked you back from time to time. How stupid it was to think that a boy like him would want a girl like you, how stupid to even consider you are his type. Aren’t all boys nowadays into big boobs or big butts?

To be honest, you have neither.

“Why are you looking at me so sad now? Oh, are you jealous? Don’t worry, not everyone has the right to be blessed by mother nature. You’ll find someone who loves you the way you are, though – looking like a stick.”

Her words. Her venomous words shouldn’t hit you with full force, her words shouldn’t make tears sting in the corners of your eyes.

But oh they do.

With a swift motion, you get up from the stairs you were sitting on, running up as fast as you can to avoid curious looks. Damn, how was a bitch like her able to make you feel this miserable, why does it even bother you this much that you have a smaller chest?

Because everyone around you doesn’t have this issue. Because it seems like you’re the only one who isn’t blessed. Even Nobara and Maki have bigger boobs than you, even though Maki is well-trained. Why do you have to look this way? And why…

Why isn’t this what Megumi wants?

“Have you seen her? That looked like (y/n) running into that room”, Megumi mutters, looking after you in confusion.

Why would you run into a storage room so rapidly? You almost looked sad, as if something hurt you. He clenches his fist, not even caring about Yuji’s answer anymore. Out of all people, you are the one who shouldn’t feel bad a single moment, whoever did this to you will-“

“(y/n)”, he breathes out.

There you sit, back against the wall and your face in your hands, tears visibly running down your face. His heart almost stops. Megumi has never seen you cry, you were always the cool and composed one. What made you sit there, crying your eyes out?

“Don’t look at me”, you spit at him, turning away in an instant while hugging your knees.

Your words hit him with full force. Why did you sound so furious, did he do something wrong?

“But (y/n), I want to know what-“

“You’re not interested in my anyway, aren’t you?”

You know all too well how ridiculous and childish your words sound, but you can’t keep yourself together. All these months you roamed after him, thought you’d really stand a chance. And now…

And now Megumi Fushiguro isn’t into girls with small breasts?

“Why would you think that?”, he replies in an instant.

Instinctively, he rushes to your side, his mind racing. When did he ever give you the idea that he isn’t interested in you? Of course, he wasn’t exactly clear about it. After all, he himself was scared that you might not be interested in him and everything would turn out awkward after his confession. But did he really treat you this badly?

“Didn’t you say it yourself?”

The venomous tone of your voice makes him flinch. Even with your face puffy from all the tears and twisted in agony, you still look absolutely breath-taking. God, when did he mess up so bad? He can’t lose you like this, not when he doesn’t even know what happened-

“If you’re not attracted to girls with small breasts, I’m certainly not the one for you.”

Megumi has to blink a few times, mind trying to understand the words that just left your mouth. He, into girls with big breast? He, not into you? It doesn’t make any sense. You, the most wonderful girl walking on this earth? You with a body that makes his knees go weak in an instant? You, the girl he’s hopelessly in love with?

“What are you talking about? You are the only one I care about”, he clarifies before thinking twice.

Your heart skips a beat, eyes darting towards him in an instant. One look into his innocent orbs tells you that he isn’t just lying into your face, that he actually means what he just said. Does that mean…?

“B-but…Just a few moments ago, you said it yourself!”, you demand weakly.

“You mean my conversation with that guy from Kyoto? (y/n), I couldn’t care less about things like that. The only think that’s important for me is your character made of pure gold, okay? And also, I love your body the way it is. You look absolutely stunning. And your breast do too.”

In an instant, your cheeks turn bright red. Oh god, did he really just say that? Megumi wants to punch himself for his unfiltered words, for the fact that he clearly made you uncomfortable. Is there a way out of this misery?

“I-I mean…I think they look really good. You look really good. You don’t need big breasts for that. And I imagine small breast have their-“

“Please”, you interrupt him.

“I get it, but can we please stop talking about my boobs like that?”

Ryomen Sukuna - acne

“A pretty bad position you put yourself him, huh?”, the king of curses in front of you sneers.

Your hands fight desperately against the invisible chains, eyes searching for the tiniest possibility of a way out. But it’s impossible. After all, you aren’t held hostage by anyone. No, the man who’s sitting in front of you with his head resting in his hand is none other than Sukuna himself.

“Rather a position you put me in, idiot”, you bite back.

He chuckles unpromising, hand grabbing your chin before you’re even able to fight back. His eyes let your blood freeze in your veins, heart pumping so loudly that you bet he can hear it from afar.

“I don’t need to remind you that you’re here because you’re fighting for the wrong side, right?”

“The wrong side? Whose side is right, then?”

“Mine, of course.”

You snort disdainfully, yanking your chin out of his firm grasp. This guy has some nerves, talking down at you when you were out there enjoying yourself.

“I bet you’d fit well right by my side. You’re strong, you’re hot-“

“Don’t call me hot”, you interrupt immediately.

Out of instinct, you turn your face away from him. The face that makes you feel uncomfortable every time someone looks at it, the face that is responsible for multiple dumb comments you received when you were still at school. You know it’s a quite common thing. Many people fight against acne, some worse than you. But god, how much you hate to look at yourself, to see a new red spot on your face each and every day. No one at Jujutsu High ever pointed it out or looked at you in disgust. Yes, the times were people picked on you because of your acne are long gone.

But oh, their comments still haunt you, they still make you believe that you will never be able to be fully beautiful with those things covering your damn face.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

May the ground swallow you whole and get you out of this uncomfortable position. Why on earth does it have to be Sukuna who gets curious about you rejecting his compliment? Why can’t Yuji just regain the control over his body and put an end to your suffering?

“Because it’s a lie”, you press out.

Again, Sukuna gets a hold of your chin, his face now so near that you aren’t able to escape his stinging gaze anymore.

“Why are you saying that, brat?”

“Are you blind or something?”, you bark at him.

It feels like back then when your classmates used to pick on you. But this time, it isn’t a dumb kid that just wants to make fun of you. No, this time it’s actually the king of curses who toys with your insecurity, the only sore point you have about yourself.

“You may be. Because I don’t get why you’re talking down yourself like that.”

“Don’t you see that stuff covering my whole face?”

You can’t take it anymore, his intense staring paired with your own embarrassment. Within the last months, you really thought you got over the fact that your acne won’t go away that fast, that you’ll have to fight for it to disappear. And since no one ever mentioned it at Jujutsu High, you began to tolerate the red marks covering your skin. But at this moment, your sensitive confidence seems to shatter.

“And what about it? I don’t get what you’re talking about, brat”, Sukuna remarks dryly.

You blink a few times. The bored expression on his face tells you more than clearly that he isn’t making fun of you at all. Is it really possible that Ryomen Sukuna meant what he said, that he isn’t bothered about your face?

“I have acne all over my face”, you breathe out.

He rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders, hand moving your chin right and left.

“I don’t give zero fucks about that.”

It’s a simple answer, an answer spat in your face with disinterest. But oh does it make sparks fly around you and your heart almost beat out of your chest. The king of curses doesn’t care about acne.

The fucking king of curses called you hot despite your face is covered in red spots.

“I don’t know why anyone would care about shit like that. You’re strong and you’re hot, what about those spots?”, he continues while rolling his eyes.

“You really mean it”, you mutter more to yourself than him, a smile creeping up your face.

You feel like a little girl, the urge to giggle and jump up and down almost becoming unbearable. He really finds you hot. He really saw your face and lost not a single thought about your acne.

And he’s the king of curses.

“Why are you looking at me like that, brat? Did you forget that I kidnapped you?”

“Oh, you can kidnap me anytime”, you answer almost euphoric.

Sukuna tilts his head, eyes scanning you up and down.

“Humans really are strange.”

Tags: @arehzhera @ploylulla @tzubaki @beatrexworld @kenstarsworld @dazaisdick @hellkaiserinphoenix @lauv4chuuya @shadowfoxey @starlightanyaaa @sindela @kayleegomez @sunshine7queen @magalimachete @mokoartpost @gatitam @idontknow1123 @creative1writings @sanicsmut @mynahx3 @sad-darksoul @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix @chuyasthighs0 @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @wxwieeee @lovelyluna1 @froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso @gojosrealwife @coffeeluvr96 @mahi-tamashi @weebotaku21 @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain @risuola @sugurulefttesticle @wordskeeper @baku2345 @polarbvnny @ruixrei @bam-bam-bam-bame-blog @lavenderdrxp @localhehecat @alicerhr @kayleegomez

830 notes · View notes

ymechi · 5 months

Text

Who is the real Creator?

I had to edit and remove some parts for this to make sense, I hope it is coherent if not please tell me so I can fix it and explain everything better. I did not expect people to be interested in this au so I was surprised! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

-TW: cult au, yandere, impostor au, mentions of being hunted down, mentions of trauma, mentions of character injuring themselves (nothing major)

-Gn reader and darling (please tell me if I mess this up message me and I will fix it)

Part 1, This is part 2, part 3, part 4

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reader ushered Darling inside giving them the blanket which they used to dry their wet self. They sort of reminded Reader of what a wet sad cat one of their neighbors used to own looked like after a rainy day. Darling sat on the kitchen table as Reader once again prepared some tea. Reader really should get a nice tea set soon, they mentally put that on their shopping list the next time they are going to the market.

Darling sat quietly at the table sniffing and not saying much, Reader had no idea what to say before it would have been so easy they knew each other in and out. Yet now. . . it was as if a hundred years had passed, a million things had happened. Reader was now not sure what to say.

They weren't sure if they even wanted to comfort Darling. Shouldn't Darling be comforting Reader? All they got was that half-assed hospital meeting.

If Darling is upset wasn't there a league of followers, acolytes, servants heck even Archons who would comfort them why come to them now out of all times and alone? Clearly something serious happened that they had to runaway alone to them out of all people.

Reader inwardly sighed.

They bought out a pan. One thing they knew how to lighten the mood up was pancakes, it was easy and they knew how to do that . In fact, they might get a master's degree in making pancakes, Reader should ask Nahida if that is possible.

(They tried not to think that it was Darling's favourite meal to eat after being sad.)

"So. . . What happened?" Reader tried to start.

Darling did not respond for a while just quietly staring at them. Their eyes were a bit dull and exhaustion was evident on their face. They seemed to contemplate what to say before they started.

"I. . . I asked to wield a sword, at first they were against it but I wanted to try y'know?"

There was no question who they were, the crazy cultist acolytes. Reader shuddered at some of their past interactions with them, they were good weapon wielders reader would give them that. . . Reader had first-hand experience after all.

Yet Darling was alone with the trigger-happy acolytes all this time.

Although Darling was the supposed Creator, they should have been fine, Reader looked over at them and they lacked any surface wounds.

They should have been fine right?

"It was fine at first they taught me proper stances but then I got a bit touchy with the sword, you know me how I get with stuff like that and then I," she sighed, "I cut myself like an idiot."

Reader rubbed their head and thought about it, they would not be here for a cut something else went on and they waited for Darling to finish.

"Then I bled," Darling was quiet for a moment, "it was red."

Hey, it rhymed Reader wanted to say to break the tension but Reader refrained. They did not get it at all. What was so wrong with red blood? Wasn't blood supposed to be red.

Darling must have caught on and they looked like they finally understood something. It was they who wanted to understand what was going on!

"Uhm yeah you maybe don't know but the Creator is supposed to bleed gold."

Oh.

"Oh."

That is all they could say really. They felt dumb for a second there they had been actively avoiding taking any religious classes or any mention of religion for their own mental health's sake. Perhaps if they did not avoid it as much they would have understood what was going on much easier but for now the single religious book they owned remained hidden and untouched in their drawer.

Now that they finally understood the problem it was quite the conundrum. Darling was supposed to be the Creator yet now they were not because of some gold blood requirement. What would happen to Darling? Would they accuse them of harming the "real Creator"? Hunt them down like they did to Reader? Would they come and hunt down Reader again?

Although they doubted they would be hunted down again as the "blessings of the Creator" thing, whatever that meant, Nahida told everyone else seemed to work and placate them.

"Now what?" A reader asked tiredly.

"I don't know I managed to sneak out while they were distracted but I guess they will find out soon to come and get me."

Reader grimaced and turned around to prepare to finally whisk the ingredients they were too distracted to do while they listened to Darling.

"So like did they hurt you after they found out or something?" Reader cringed at their wording. They could have said that better considering it was a serious topic.

"No they didn't they just healed me and left me in my room," Darling paused, "You should have seen some of the looks on their faces, like I killed their puppy or something. . ."

Reader tried to imagine what it was like worshipping someone only for that person not to be the god they worshiped. It must have gone bad for both parties involved. Darling was told she was a god only to be looked at in disappointment. The followers who eagerly awaited for their beloved Creator only for it to be an illusion.

"Yikes, I can't imagine it was pleasant."

"It wasn't."

They went quiet after that soon the pancakes were ready and Reader went out to serve them along with the tea. Reader had to admit they could make some good mean pancakes because Darling looked a bit better with some of the color returning to their face.

There was another knock at the door.

Another visitor? Who would come- They looked at Darling, oh right.

Darling once again looked pale and the grip on their utensils was trembling. What had they done to shake them up this much? Reader wasn't doing better either their heartbeat going frantic as unpleasant memories resurfaced. Damnit they thought they had gotten better.

"Reader it is me Nahida we need to talk, I am sorry but it is urgent."

Reader inhaled, thank the stars it was only Nahida.

They relaxed their shoulders and opened the door. Despite the rain, the Archon looked dry and Reader wondered what sort of magic they used and if they could learn it as well.

"I am sorry to interfere," she looked behind Reader, "but it seems you have the person we have been searching for," Nahida said while looking genuinely sorry.

Right, the only person Darling knew besides the acolytes in this world was the Reader. No wonder they were found out so quickly.

"Uhm- uh- How about some pancakes first?"

Nahida looked the the back of Darling who was hunched over and relented. She must have seen something as she agreed rather quickly. Reader closed the door as the Archon entered their home. Nahida approached Darling they did an elegant bow and Reader was suddenly hit that Darling was or now was the creator. Darling got someone as well respected as Nahida to bow.

Reader had seen the way people behaved in respect and reverence at Nahida and how the scholars, the Emirates, and merchants would listen and take in her input. So someone like Nahida bowing. . .

Reader never fully understood the weight and status of that position the so-called "Creator" held even after being hunted down over it.

Yet now it seemed very heavy.

How did Darling live with that?

Darling face grimaced as she saw the bow. Nahida looked worried.

"Is there something going on your grace?"

This was going to be an awkward conversation. How to explain to someone you were not the god you thought they were?

Darling looked at Reader before looking back at their untouched pancakes.

"I am not your grace Nahida I bleed red like the rest."

A tense silence followed.

Nahida to her credit seemed calm with the revelation. She had her point finger touching her mouth in a contemplative gesture.

"I see and that is why you are here."

The room was quiet for a while. Reader awkwardly wrung her hands and it was surprisingly Darling, the least stable person who spoke up again.

"Did you know?" Darling said in an accusing tone their eyebrows narrowed. Reader thought they almost looked angry. Where did that come from? How could Nahida have known if no one else including them knew?

"To be honest your-," she paused," I had my suspicions.

Wait what- That was the first Reader heard about this.

"And you did not bother to tell me! To tell anyone?!" Darling jumped up from the chair.

"Was it funny watching me being led on, all those expectations, all those promises my whole world getting fucked up - fuck can I even go back home to my family?!"

Reader jumped between them hiding Nahida behind them trying to calm Darling down who looked to be on the verge of crying or a breakdown.

"Look Darling I know you are upset, it's messed up but she didn't have anything to do with it okay? I am sure she had her reasons."

Darling took one glance at Reader's eyes and fell down on the chair, they hid their face in their arms.

"I am. . . Sorry. . . Shit."

That de-escalated quickly just as it erupted. They worry about Darling's mental health at this point.

"It is fine, I suppose this is a very difficult situation for everyone involved," said Nahida.

Reader wrung their hands together.

"Hey I know it's not the time but I did make extra pancakes let's eat first?" They tried not to sound pathetic.

The silence was their reply.

"You and your damn pancakes," Darling said and snorted.

"Hey! I only do it because I know it cheers you up!" they said and huffed.

Nahida who looked at them laughed, the previous suffocating tension was gone and Reader went up to get a plate for Nahida as well. Finally both Reader and the Archon sat down on their seat they all ate in relative silence but it wasn't as awkward as it could have been.

Once finished Reader poured some hot tea.

"Thank you Reader the pancakes were delicious I will have to ask you to let me eat them again sometime."

Reader smiled at the Archon.

"Of course, you are welcome any time."

Darling who watched them snorted. Reader looked at them with questioning eyes.

"What are you laughing at," Reader said in an accusing tone. Was Darling mocking them again?

"You speak like them now," Darling said with an amused glint in their eyes as they looked at Reader.

"Ohh, I guess I kind of do. . ."

"Nerd."

"Hey!"

Nahida once again took a look at them and laughed. Both snapped out of their bubble and looked at the Archon sheepishly.

"I am glad to see you two are getting along well, I hope both of you don't mind the topic changing to a more serious one," she looked at both of them and both nodded,"Before we start, I have a question for you Darling."

Darling looked apprehensive but nodded.

"Do the others know about you not being the creator?"

". . .Yeah they do," Darling said and looked at their empty plate.

"I see that does make things easier it is better it is out now that later knowing how overzealous some acolytes and followers can get."

Reader grimaced and Darling looked a bit defeated at the statement.

"How much do you both know about the creator?"

Reader and Darling looked at each other and it was Reader who started to speak.

"Honestly not much I avoid religious talk at all cost."

Nahida looked at Reader with sympathy.

"I guess I am the opposite I got to learn a lot, basically in each new era the creator descends into a new incarnation, and their vessel is not always the same," she paused thinking about what to say next, "They like to live peacefully with their people because of that they don't always have their powers with them but they can gain them over time, something like that"

"Yes that is most of it, it is presumed in this era the creator chose to be a normal human which we thought was you Darling. We also thought that the Creator's presence and powers were weak due to being a normal human in this incarnation. Despite you not being the Creator some part of what I said is true.

"Which part?" Darling asked.

"The part where the creator chose to be an ordinary human, despite having such a faint presence me being so attuned to Irminsul could still feel it, yet it was weak. That is why I was confused. Rather than being the Creator you Darling had gotten a blessing from the Creator."

"But how I have never met them" Darling interjected.

Nahida stared at Reader and once again Reader was reminded of those intense stares directed at them as if trying to solve a puzzle piece.

"No, the creator was - is still quite close to you."

"Wait really?" Darling looked at Nahida in confusion inching closer towards the Archon as if they went closer physically they would solve the mystery.

"Yes we are sitting beside them after all."

There was no question about who Nahida meant both she and Darling were staring at Reader.

No.

That is what Reader replied with.

Nahida shook her head.

"I am afraid it is true.

No way.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @resident-cryptid @probablynoposts @esthelily @mitsukashi @charming-mage @chaoticfivesworld @irisxiel @dulcedelechenginamo

#genshin impact #sagau #genshin sagau #self aware au #self aware genshin #cult au #yandere #imposter au #sort of not really an imposter au #mentions of trauma #mentions of character injuring themselves (nothing major)#mentions of being hunted down #nahida #Not much is happening in this chapter to be honest #they eat pancakes and talk

506 notes · View notes

cadavercrafts · 1 month

Note

I hate to start drama so please forgive me, but why would you create a figure of a character (Valentino) that is a rapist? Even if they're fictional, I think it sends a really bad message.

No offense taken at all, anon, but this will be a long one! I heard of other people who like villains getting similar messages but i've never gotten one myself despite all the things i've made fanart for in the past. So i'm almost happy to talk about this?

It's 100% fine to hate certain fictional characters and just not wanting to see them at all. I think many people (especially with trauma) can relate to seeing a character in media that just makes them feel sick, i sure know some! But you're also talking to a dedicated horror nerd here. I have an expensive action figure of a monster-pregnant half skinned man in my shelf, anon. Rape doesn't even BEGIN to cover what some of the characters i like have been doing in their little fake freakworlds.

I love to explore horror and dark themes because fiction gives you a space to do this in a secure controlled environment and that's why it's so wonderful. We all have different levels of hard topics we can handle but if something is too much for you you can step away, shut it off and you are free and safe. No, i would not enjoy to be skinned alive for real and i don't think it's a very nice thing to do to others either, i have zero sympathy or interest in real life criminals. But Hellraiser is still a neat book!

I'm an adult and I'm able to freely chose what kind of themes and media i want to interact with and so are you. I mean, i don't know if you're an adult, but you have the power to chose regardless. My nickname is CADAVERcrafts and i made so so so so much fanart for awful villains before, ones who did way worse things than Valentino. Ripping heads off, killing kids, eating people- you know, the usual! I'm afraid you're not gonna like many things i'll make in the future but i always tag everything so you can absolutely avoid it by putting it on your blacklist. No Valentino jumpscares on your dash from me!

To be quite honest i thought of a lot of kinda funny dismissive replies at first but i don't want to shit on people who are genuinly upset. If you want something trigger tagged in the future just shoot me a message, i like to claim i'm not nearly as much of an asshole as the characters i make in clay. And if you just can't stand it then unfollow me, throw me in the bin! I'm just some online weirdo, you don't need me in your life if my works make you sad. Toss it, it's cool, this is your playzone and you get to decide who gets in!

#anon #ask #not art #blood #violence #rape

233 notes · View notes

inamagicalhallucination · 2 months

Text

Atsushi’s hands trembled as he waited for the phone to be answered. He hoped Dazai-san would answer. Atsushi had seen him ignore phone calls often – though he usually picked up for Atsushi (specifically after he hadn’t picked up once when Atsushi had gotten kidnapped (again); though Atsushi hadn’t blamed him because it was 4 am at the time, and Dazai had been, for once, asleep). But Atsushi had watched as Dazai-san hung up (on numbers he had saved), watched them ring (on numbers he was clearly familiar with but were not saved), or turned on his airplane mode. Dazai really avoided phone calls.

Atsushi had a general sense of hope that Dazai wouldn’t ignore him – but he wasn’t calling from his own phone. He didn’t even know where it was.

Instead, Atsushi was in a phone booth; the only light he had was the pale yellow of the streetlight. No one was out and about, all the buildings around him were dark and vacant. Atsushi didn’t know where he was.

He didn’t know how he’d gotten here.

Had he been kidnapped? He couldn’t remember. The last thing he remembered was walking home after work. If he’d been kidnapped perhaps his memory had been wiped. Still, even if it was nice to try and think of a logical solution, it did not settle the eerie unease he felt.

Especially since he didn’t feel injured. Perhaps Byakko had overtaken… but his clothes were unharmed minus a few dirt stains here and there. He looked… he felt…

He hoped Dazai-san picked up.

He looked around, wishing he could recognize something, anything – just a trigger. Something that would bring back…

“‘ello?” an achingly familiar voice mumbled, half asleep. Atsushi almost sobbed in relief.

“Da-Dazai-san?”

A pause and some shuffling.

“Atsushi? What number is this? Why aren’t you calling from your phone?” Atsushi felt a sob slip past his lips. His shaking wavered at Dazai’s voice though.

“Atsushi?” Dazai sounded really uncomfortable. If Atsushi had had the energy to think about it, he’d laugh at Dazai’s inability to deal with emotions.

“Daz-Dazai-san,” he wailed, not being able to push all the words and worries he had out in the open.

He felt like a child.

“Atsushi? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“I-I,” he took in a deep breath before forcing himself to continue, “I don't know-know whe-re I am– I- I ca-can’t re-member anything.”

There was a pause again and then shuffling.

“Ah, I see,” Dazai said, voice suddenly light. “Atsushi-kun got lost!”

Atsushi sniffled miserably.

“And needs his big, great, strong mentor to come rescue him!”

Even through his tears, Atsushi snorted. He wiped at his eyes – his hands weren’t shaking anymore.

“Do you recognize any buildings?”

Atsushi shook his head, remembered himself, and mumbled ‘no’.

“That’s fine,” Dazai continued, “for an amazing mentor– no for an amazing beam of existence such as myself– this is no challenge! Can you read any signs? On buildings or on the street?”

That, Atsushi could do.

He looked around, wiped his eyes again so his vision wouldn’t be tear-blurry, and called for Byakko’s vision just in case. He muttered off any sign he could catch until Dazai hummed and said he was on his way.

“You know wh-where I’m at?” Atsushi asked.

“Yeah,” Dazai said, absentmindedly, “I tried to sell Kunikida-kun coke there.”

He hung up before Atsushi could ask.

Atsushi squatted down, resting his arms and head on his knees. He was trying to calm himself before Dazai showed up. Though he’d pulled from Byakko again, transforming his ears, to make sense of any noise that could indicate Dazai.

When Dazai came, after half an hour or perhaps an hour, or perhaps even 10 minutes, Atsushi sent him a wobbly smile. He didn’t offer anything else and Dazai didn’t ask. Not about why he was there or why he was curled up on the seat during the car ride.

Nor did he comment on Atsushi’s grip on his jacket as they left the car.

He simply let Atsushi follow him back to his own apartment as if it was a perfectly normal thing for him to do.

The next day, when he cautiously approached Ranpo, hoping to get some insight into his potential kidnapping and memory loss, he was met with strangely sad green eyes as Ranpo assured him that he hadn’t been kidnapped at all. Instead, Ranpo said, he should go see Yosano.

He lingered at her door but shrugged it off. He had probably transformed. Yeah, that was it. He just needed to focus more.

Ranpo stared at him as he walked back to his desk, but did not say anything.

When he sat down, Dazai reached one long leg over to tap his foot but also did not say anything.

Atsushi ignored it for a week.

Then he found himself blinking around in a vaguely familiar alleyway, trying to figure out what had happened. He looked around, trying to remember how he’d gotten here. He scrunched his eyes shut, desperately trying to remember his last memories but it was all a blank from him leaving his apartment in the morning.

Atsushi shuddered, trying to calm himself.

This was okay.

It was probably Byakko. He just needed to breathe, he needed to calm down.

Breathe.

Breathe…

Just breathe-

“Weretiger?”

Atsushi spun around, hands flinging into a defense position. He was greeted by yellow hair.

“H-Higuchi?” he blinked, taking in the confused frown on his old attacker’s face.

“What are you doing in mafia territory?” she asked, looking around cautiously, perhaps checking if he was alone. For a moment he pondered if she was here on purpose… was it a coincidence? The mafia had tried to capture him before. Perhaps they’d done it again. Perhaps they’d been behind the other day too… but the alliance… would they risk it?

Before he could work himself up though, Higuchi’s name was called by a voice that should have filled Atsushi with dread.

Instead, though, it washed over him in relief, in familiarity. He didn’t know Higuchi well. Only meeting her when Akutagawa was there or that memorable time they had stalked Gin.

But Akutagawa… He was familiar. He’d know where Atsushi was. He’d-

“Jinko?” Akutagawa scowled at him. His coat rippled. Atsushi almost sobbed, half delirious in relief, half upset at himself for somehow associating Akutagawa with safety.

Rashomon reached out but faltered as Akutagawa (and Higuchi) stared at him with wide eyes.

“Um… are you crying?” Higuchi asked tentatively. She shifted awkwardly.

“Ak-Akutagawa,” Atsushi cried out, reaching up to pat his eyes dry and getting frustrated when more tears spilled.

Akutagawa, for his part, was looking around the alley, looking as if his skin was being peeled off and clearly looking to run away.

If he ran away though, Atsushi would lose his sense of familiarity, his grounding. He stumbled forward. Scared, an expression Atsushi had never seen on him before, Akutagawa stepped back.

Akutagawa had, embarrassingly, seen Atsushi cry before. So his disturbed act was a little confusing. Usually, he’d scoff at him.

Though perhaps Atsushi looking at him like he was his only lifeline was what had him freaked out. Atsushi shuffled forward. Akutagawa took another step back. Atsushi shuffled forward more, reaching a trembling hand to grip at Akutagawa’s coat. Akutagawa turned wild eyes at Higuchi who looked just as lost.

“Ple-please, tak-take me,” Atsushi sniffled again, “...home.” Back at the agency, where he was safe, and not confused. Where it was familiar and warm. Where he should’ve talked to Yosano but didn’t and ended up here.

He couldn’t remember-

“Uh,” Akutagawa said, reaching out a hand, stopping mid-way, and then continuing to awkwardly pat at Atsushi’s hand, perhaps subtly telling him to let the fuck go, “sure?”

“I’ll take care of the rest… I mean we’re almost done since Senpai was so quick!” Higuchi said, lacking her usual bright tone, instead sounding awkward and as if she was covering up that awkwardness.

Atsushi nodded miserably and leaned forward, burying his head in Akutagawa’s coat, trying to keep his focus on his very real, tangible form and not the confusion in his head. Akutagawa coughed.

Higuchi coughed too. Then Atsushi listened to her footsteps leaving, pausing every now and then, but continuing forward anyway.

“Jinko…” Akutagawa coughed again, “Release me, you fool.”

It seemed his confusion had left. And his Akutagawa-ness had come back.

“No,” Atsushi said. Akutagawa reached out both arms and grabbed his shoulders to push him back. Atsushi struggled for a second, before grabbing his wrist. Akutagawa glared at him. Atsushi stared at him.

Akutagawa turned around and started to stomp away, his wrist still in Atsushi’s grasp.

Atsushi stumbled over his feet, half walking and half running to keep up. However, Akutagawa’s quick pace worked in his favor as they arrived at the familiar bricked building in no time. Akutagawa stood in front of the door of the building. Atsushi stood next to him. Akutagawa gestured to the door. Atsushi stared at him.

“Walk.” Akutagawa said through gritted teeth, “Through.”

But…

But Atsushi had just been outside these doors last time… he’d gotten out, and walked to his apartment… and then it had been night and he’d been sobbing in a payphone booth, hoping Dazai would come soon.

Atsushi’s grip tightened. Akutagawa glared at him as if he was everything wrong in the world, but opened the door and walked in, anyway. Atsushi’s grip tightened more, causing Akutagawa, who was about to stop walking in the cafe, to falter for a second before he continued on. Up the stairs, through the hallway… and in front of the doors.

Akutagawa opened the door, ripped his wrist out of Atsushi's grip, and pushed him in.

He was greeted by looks of relief.

“Atsushi…” Kyouka’s voice came. He turned towards her. She was looking at him with concern, glancing at where Akutagawa had stood only seconds ago.

“I’m-I’m fine,” Atsushi tried to smile. Her frown deepened. “I, uh, I got lost.”

“Lost?” Junichiro chimed in, looking equally confused and relieved.

“Yeah… uh…” He didn’t have to make up an excuse as Naomi spoke up.

“I see,” she said, giving him a shaky smile that betrayed her own worries, “we never really gave you a proper tour of Yokohama. How silly of us!”

Kunikida, who had been looking between him and Ranpo, coughed once. “Yes, that was forgetful of us. I will add it to our schedule.”

Like that the tension…. Well, it didn’t break. It still lingered. But it seemed everyone was willing to give him space. He appreciated it. He needed to work up the courage to tell Yosano that he… that something was happening.

He hadn’t been kidnapped…

He hadn’t transformed… it was hard for the tiger to overtake in the middle of the day, like today.

So…

It wasn’t as if Atsushi’s memory was strong. Heck, he hadn’t even remembered he’d killed someone before. At least until Shibusawa had somehow come back to life and had to be killed again. But that had been a traumatic experience and everyone had said it was probably an subconscious attempt to bury it because he couldn’t emotionally or mentally handle it at the time. But what was traumatic about walking?

Atsushi hesitantly walked towards Yosano’s office.

#atsushi nakajima #bungo stray dogs #quick fic as i procrastinate a whole paper

229 notes · View notes

void-wolfie · 11 months

Text

Inhale

summary: Jenna helps you through an asthma attack. [request]

pairing: Jenna Ortega x gn!Reader

words: 1.5k

tw: asthma attack (is that something that needs a warning?), mentions of smoking, my crappy writing

a/n: hope this lives up to your expectations anon, (totally not inspired by that video of Jenna smoking)

*I don't have asthma myself so this is based on the little research I did, if it's not accurate I apologize

"Rough day at work?" You asked, watching as Jenna hurriedly put her cigarette out. Ignoring how you could already feel your lungs tightening with the smoke in the air.

"Jesus, y/n, you scared me."

You'd just gotten home, wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed and fall asleep between the warm sheets. But you couldn't help but spot Jenna on the balcony, watching the bustling city below.

"Those things will kill ya, you know," You said, referring to the cigarette still burning in the ashtray.

"They'll kill you long before they kill me," She sighed, running her fingers through her hair, "You know you shouldn't be out here when I smoke."

"Yeah, yeah..." you scuffed your shoe along the ground, avoiding eye contact with the actress.

You hated being babied over your asthma, you hated Percy for getting her addicted to those stupid cigarettes, but most of all, you hated how the past week you've been so busy you've barely been able to see your girlfriend.

"Come on, let's go inside," She nodded her head to the door, but you made no indication of moving.

"I want to stay out here a little longer with you." You gave her those big puppy dog eyes, the ones you knew she couldn't deny. "It's nice out and I miss you."

"I don't want to trigger your asthma though,"

"Just for a little while, please?"

Part of you knew it was a bad idea, sitting in the chilly air where she'd been smoking only moments ago. But you didn't want to go in just yet. It was nice out, the cool breeze felt good against your skin, even though it pierced through your lungs. It was fairly quiet for once, despite the city below and the soft hum of Jenna's music in the background.

She sighed and her shoulders dropped. How could she ever say no to those adorable eyes? "Fine, but the minute you start coughing we're going inside,"

"Deal."

You weren't going to tell her how you'd been battling your asthma all day, nor how the second you stepped outside you could feel your chest tighten, your breathing becoming just a tad more labored. All that would do is make her worry more, and she worries about you enough already.

You leaned against the railing next to Jenna, taking in the scenery below. She took the blanket that'd been wrapped around her shoulders and draped it around the both of you, cuddling into your side.

"How was work?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"Annoying." You scoffed, "My producer was in a bad mood all day, it was like trying to work with an overgrown toddler."

"And the new album?" She pushed herself into your side, wrapping herself around you. You could make out the smell of smoke on her and the blanket, which your lungs were not happy about.

"It's coming along, still has a long way to go," a small cough wracked your body and you could make out the worried look on her face from the corner of your eye.

You went to take a deep breath, to steady yourself, only it was like your lungs couldn't inflate. You'd had asthma attacks before, but this one felt different, worse. It was like breathing through a paper straw with an elephant sitting on your chest.

"y/n?"

You could barely hear her call out to you through the coughing and the dull ringing in your ears.

No, no, no... Not now...

"I- I can't-"

Jenna's whole attention was on you now. You were putting almost all your weight on the railing in front of you, not having the strength to hold yourself up at the moment. You started wheezing in-between coughing, the look on your face told her all she needed to know.

"Shit." She ran inside, racing to the bathroom to grab your spare inhaler.

When she got back, you were sitting on the floor, your back against the railing.

You weren't coughing much anymore, mostly wheezing, possibly on the verge of hyperventilating. You couldn't think straight, the lack of air and the onset of panic muddling your thoughts. All you could focus on was the rapid rise and fall of your chest, how your lungs didn't feel like they were inflating at all, or if they were even working. It was hell.

Jenna was doing her best to stay calm. Panicking right now would only make things worse for you, but she was worried. She hadn't seen you have an attack this bad in a while.

She shook the inhaler before popping the cap off. She kneeled in front of you and slid the inhaler into your hand, guiding it toward your face.

It took you a moment to figure out what was happening. There was an inhaler in your hand, inches from your face, and Jenna was kneeling in front of you looking terrified.

You did your best to take a deep breath, it was almost painful, like trying to break through your ribcage from the inside out. You pushed the inhaler to your mouth and pushed down on the top. There was a rush of cool air as you inhaled. Your lungs were burning, aching for any sort of air they could get, your chest rising and falling faster as they started bringing in more air.

It took another puff from the inhaler before you finally started to settle. Your breathing finally slowed to a semi-normal pace.

"Talk to me, love," Jenna was hovering in front of you, concern etched into her features.

"Inside, please," You managed to get out between heavy breaths.

Jenna helped you up. Slinging one of your arms around her shoulders as she helped you inside and onto the couch.

Your chest still ached from all the coughing, and your throat felt like it was on fire. You could already feel the medicine kicking in, your chest wasn't nearly as tight, and your hands were starting to shake.

"How can I help?" Jenna asked, cupping your face in her hands. You'd barely noticed the tear tracks streaming down your face, the way your vision blurred from unshed tears. But it didn't escape Jenna's attention. She wiped away the tears with her thumbs, making sure to be as gentle as possible.

"Water?"

"Of course," She had to stop herself from sprinting to the kitchen, settling instead on a fast-paced walk so she wouldn't look like a madman running off.

You gave her a weak smile, gratefully taking the water from her. It felt like magic against the back of your throat, like rain in the middle of a drought.

"Anything else?" she asked, a little less worried now that your breathing had mostly returned to normal.

"Cuddles?" You asked, making grabby hands toward your girlfriend, wanting nothing more than to forget about your shitty day and fall asleep.

She giggled, grabbing your hands and intertwining your fingers with her own, placing a gentle kiss on the back of one of your palms.

"Ok, but let me shower first." You pouted, not liking the idea of having to separate from Jenna, "I'll only be a few minutes. I just want to get the smell of smoke off me."

"Fineeee"

Normally, Jenna liked to take scalding hot showers, bask in the warm water and let the day's worries melt away. But not tonight. She took a shower as quickly as she could, not wanting to leave your side for very long, not when it wouldn't take much for you to have another episode.

When Jenna got out of the shower, she found you still in the living room, sprawled out across the couch asleep. You still had your inhaler clutched in one hand, holding it close to your chest as if you were scared to have another attack in the middle of the night.

She hated seeing you like this, and she hated not being able to help you even more. One of her greatest fears was you not being able to get to your inhaler in time, essentially dying from suffocation. The idea scared her half to death and put an ache in her heart she never wanted to feel again.

She didn't want to move you, you looked too peaceful on the couch, but she didn’t want to leave you alone either. So she settled on the idea of sleeping on the couch with you instead.

She went into your bedroom, yanking one of the blankets off the bed, and carrying it into the living room. She gently took the inhaler from your hand, making sure to set it within arm's reach on the coffee table.

You woke up to the feeling of her hands in yours. A feeling you adored, "Cuddles now?" You asked, trying to fight off the urge to fall back asleep.

"Sure," She laid down with you, letting you get comfortable between her legs as you laid your head on her chest. She covered the both of you with the blanket, making sure you were cozy.

"Love you," You mumbled, barely awake as you let the sound of her heartbeat lull you to sleep.

"I love you too," She whispered, gently brushing a few strands of hair from your eyes.

#jenna ortega #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x gn!reader #void-wolfie

985 notes · View notes

knoxic · 6 months

Text

A kiss may ruin a human life.

Oscar Wilde

-Masterlist- part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

wc: 2,1k

warnings: miscommunications (but really there's almost no communication at all), self deprecating thoughts, mentions of death, ptsd, insomnia, anxiety, grief(?), angst,

i think that's it but please let me know if there's anything else!

a/n: this work implies that Hotch heard Haley's last breath. timeline is around season 6-7 but it doesn't really matter. this is heavily based on my own experience from death and hearing someone's last breath. Hotch is a little out of character but it'll get better i promise, this was supposed to be something just for myself but i decided to post it, that being said, im already writing part 2!

no use of y/n!

He was distant.

He kept avoiding you, every day, even when you got back to the hotel and had no other choice but to be around each other, he showered and said some casual phrases that he could damn well say to a stranger.

You tried to understand, he was stressed and haven't slept well in days but, fuck, wasn't it happening to everyone else? And they weren't avoiding you...

Asking if he wanted something to eat or if he wanted that shitty coffee just got you a cold and empty answer. "No, thanks.", "I've had enough for today, thank you.", "I'll just finish some files," and etc. Sure he was polite, you don't think he could be rude even if he wanted to, not with someone he was close to at least, but he was always so gentle and warm, had you done something to make him mad?

...

It started off just as every other day started, new case in a city you've never been to before. Sharing a room with your boss meant a different routine than if you shared with anyone else in the team, late nights and early mornings, the sound of pen scratching paper being the first thing you heard when waking up and the last when you were drifting off, you wondered if he even slept at all.

The answer was no, he barely ever slept during a case, especially if he could hear you breathing all night.

He was scared, scared it would happen again. It was unrealistic and he knew, it happened too many times already, but, twice, like that, was terrifying.

Terrifying to the point he was paralyzed, every night you whispered that sweet "Good night, Hotch." and it flipped the switch, he would now spend the night awake to make sure that you would tell him "Good morning, Hotch" in a gentle yet strong voice. That whisper sounded enough like the gasp he heard that one time, and it always immediately set off every trigger he had of that unfortunate day.

Every night he spent with you in the same room he tried to distract himself enough not to hear your steady breaths, finishing random files that weren't so important and sometimes even going as far as writing them twice. When he got tired enough to black out he laid out and hoped the second his head hit the uncomfortable pillow he would be asleep. That never happened.

He kept listening. You sometimes tossed and turned in your sleep and he knew it meant you were probably having nightmares but it always soothed his mind, if you were moving it meant you were still alive, and it blurred the agonizing sound of your breath.

Sometimes he slept, but even when he did, he kept listening, gun shots echoed inside his head, his aching hands clad with blood holding her body, the sound... the horrific, terrifying, agonizing sound of her last breath.

He thought it had stopped, he has triggers of course but, it wasn't always that they were set off like this, usually it happened sometimes when Jack slept on his chest and that meant carrying him to bed, but he normally allowed himself a bit of self care and went to his own room, far enough from his child to hear if he called but not close enough to hear his breaths. Being stuck in a hotel room did not allow him that. He tried soundproof headphones after the second night they spent together a couple years ago, he quickly figured it was somehow more agonizing than being able to hear.

Now, three days into the case he was desperate for a night alone, to drown in complete silence and darkness, thankfully, not what he wanted but close to it, you had gone to Emily's room to discuss something, he didn't know what it was and apparently you didn't care enough to tell him, or you just didn't want him to know.

He held himself back from sprinting to bed right after you left the room, surely it wouldn't look so good if you were to come back because you forgot something or for any other reason, he let 2 minutes pass by, anxiously, getting up quickly to take the fastest shower he could manage and jumped into bed, he almost decided against clothes before reminding himself that sooner or later you would come back, it took more time than he'd like but finally he was now in bed and drifting off quicker than expected.

...

"Emily..." you whimpered.

"Come on... it's Hotch," she rested a hand on your shoulder, "He's probably just going through something, i heard him tell Rossi last week that Jack were having some trouble with school, it might be that, right?"

"Yeah, but i feel like..." Emily was the only one who knew about your confused feelings for Hotch and still you hesitated, "i feel like it's something else... he's been avoiding me and barely looks me in the eye when we're alone."

Emily went silent for a few seconds, looking away and seemed to be deciding carefully what to say.

"Listen, you know i love you and support anything you decide to do, but..." oh god "You should talk to him, not me."

"I came to you exactly because i don't want to talk to him, even if i tried i don't think he would answer" You gave her the most pleading puppy eyes you could manage.

"There's only one way to find out, honey."

After a few more minutes of licking your wounds you gathered yourself enough to face Aaron, walking a little too fast to your shared room just to make sure you wouldn't have time to back down and run back to Emily. Thinking too many things and nothing at all just to distract yourself you ended up opening the door loudly, scaring yourself when the lights were off and you could barely make out the person under the blankets.

Had you really just opened a random door? Fuck!

Until, in your panic state your eyes caught a glimpse of Aaron's bag close to his bed, some files slipped out if it when he drastically dropped it earlier. Relieved, you slipped into the room and closed the door quieter than you had opened it, unsure if Aaron was indeed asleep or if he was pretending just so he wouldn't have to talk to you, a shower seemed to be the best thing to do.

It was weird, a part of you knew he was tired and going to sleep without someone else in the room is sometimes a lot easier, but, the bigger part of you kept thinking that he was doing this just to avoid you, to not have to force out a "Good night." when both of you knew it wasn't good for him, and it hurt.

Shower was indeed a good thing, the warm water doing wonders to your aching muscles and the sound of the water running was a good background for your mind to organize your thoughts. That same sound was what Aaron woke up to.

Looking around searching for what had woken him, he saw the light coming from the bathroom, the door didn't close all the way sometimes, you had to close it hard and he supposed you didn't want to make noise. He also searched for his phone to see the time, check how long it took for you to come back, but in his hustle earlier he had forgotten to pick up his phone, wherever it was he didn't feel like getting up to search for it.

In his sleepy state he had turned to watch the door, not really paying attention to what he was looking out for until he got a glimpse of you wrapping a towel around your body, he hadn't even noticed the sound of the water had stopped, snapping himself out of whatever this was he turned away from the door, right before he saw the light getting brighter and your quiet barefoot steps getting closer, a zipper being opened, rustle of fabric against fabric and the zipper being closed, steps again but this time going away and the room getting darker again.

It didn't take long for you to come back, he could smell the soap you always used, it only took him a couple days sharing a room and a bathroom with you to know every soap or perfume you owned smelled the same, peaches.

It almost physically pained him to not be able to smell it directly from your skin, he had hugged you and stood close enough to smell your perfume but, he knew it wasn't the same as your fresh out of the shower scent. It already smelled so comforting from this far, he was certain he'd go insane if he ever got the chance to hug you like this, out of any police department or hospital smell, just you.

He was so lost in thought he hadn't realized you had already settled in bed.

"Good night, Hotch..." he heard you whisper, so quietly he almost missed it, it made his heart stutter and beat faster.

Did you know he was awake? Did you see him looking at you through the opening door? He didn't see anything but the skin of your arms! Should he answer? No. Stop it, you idiot.

You turned again, again and again. The mattress was hard, the blanket felt like it kept scratching your bare legs, the pillow made you feel like a stone would be comfier, not to mention the discomfort of your mind telling you how uncomfortable Aaron must be to have you around that he even went to bed earlier just so he wouldn't have to see you, you must be pathetic to even have wished him a good night when he clearly didn't want you here-

"Are you okay?" There it was, his husky voice, he was sleeping and you disturbed him.

"Uh- yeah, sorry to wake you up." wow, that came out so weak, he definitely thinks you're pathetic.

The sound of his body turning and his voice that seemed to be right beside your ear made you shiver.

"You keep tossing and turning, your breath is faster than normal," he sighed. "So I'll ask again, are you okay?"

It's now or never.

"Have you- you have been avoiding me." you could hear Emily's voice saying it wasn't so hard was it?.

"No i haven't." that came out way too fast to be true, Hotchner.

"Yes you have, and you can barely even look at me when we're alone, you give me empty words and talk better to a rookie you will never see again," you were rambling but now there was no way you would stop. "If i did something to upset you, please tell me because, i can profile you but i cannot read your mind yet, and i can't apologize if i don't know what i did wrong."

"I-" gosh you were so self deprecating. "I'm sorry i made you feel that way, you did nothing wrong." he said in a weirdly soft voice.

"That- that doesn't make me feel better..."

"I'm sorry... it's... not something you did..." well, if you were talking than he should too. "It's you."

A couple seconds passed but they felt like minutes.

Your heart dropped, "What?" it couldn't be... you knew you weren't perfect but, to know your mind was right yet again felt... nauseating.

"Wait! wait," he was sitting up now, back to the headrest, his hand has making a gesture that you read as a calm down, he did that once with a child, to make them stop their rambling, you really were pathetic.

"Not you, i meant... ah fuck, it's complicated."

Now that you were already broken, you might as well just finish this, for once end what made you anxious, even if it meant losing your hopes of being with Aaron.

Your breath was harder and lost its rhythm. You could be going into a panic attack right now but Aaron was relieved, after hearing the way your voice got so... pained, he thought he ended this, that you would get up and leave him and the memories came back in a rush that made him dizzy, but you were still here, and breathing hard, unlike the breath Haley-

"Then tell me, unless you have something to do at 2am i think we have enough time, tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as complicated as what we had going on." your voice was steady, no longer the panicked and embarrassed girl who just got rejected by their crush, that was the voice of a woman who took down seral killers for a living, who could damn well talk face to face with him if they were to fight. Now he felt small, he could tower over you if you two were standing up but he knew you were the bigger person.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine

251 notes · View notes

yeoosaangg · 6 months

Text

Love Me Harder || Kinktober - Day 30

pairing ▸ choi yeonjun × choi beomgyu × f!reader

now playing ▸ love me harder - ariana grande, the weeknd

⤷ ❝if you know about me and choose to stay, then take this pleasure and take it with the pain.❞

genre ▸ non-idol au, smut

warnings ▸ bondage, daddy kink, voyeurism, spanking, free use, throat fucking, gagging, praise, fingering, breeding, dumbification

--------

You are a young reporter that was assigned to do a story on bondage and BDSM, so you've agreed to be a bondage slave for a week to see what it's really like.

So far, you've read and signed three different contracts: one for consent, another for safety, and a third listing different kinks that you've modified to your liking.

Yeonjun: Before we start, I have some things to go over with you.

Beomgyu: Me too.

You smile at both men, thinking they look great together. There's so much love between them, it makes you wonder why they accepted the offer.

Yeonjun: I'll be giving you a rundown of the seven days you'll be living here and what to expect to avoid accidentally triggering you.

That's very considerate of him.

Beomgyu: But before that, I wanted you to know that it's been a while since I've let my dominant side take over. I may take it too far, so I want to let you know in advance that using the safety cues we've established is very much encouraged.

You nod slowly, registering the information in your head. You can tell he's genuine and truly does not want to scare or hurt you at all.

Beomgyu: I've been with Yeonjun for a long time, but he's a true dom while I'm a switch. It's difficult to navigate around it because there are days where I'm feeling particularly dominant myself but have no way to release it.

Yeonjun: It's true. Those days it's hard to figure out if he's just resisting to be a bratty sub or if he's just not feeling particularly submissive.

Beomgyu: Those days I have to call out the safe word so he knows not to push me. So when we saw your advertisement online, we thought it'd be a step in figuring out if a polyamorous relationship is what's needed.

That's a lot to take in, but it at least gives you insight to why they accepted this arrangement.

You hope one day they'll be able to establish a system that coincides with their needs. This makes good coverage for your article as well.

Yeonjun: Monday will be your trial run. You'll get to sit back and watch how Beomgyu and I navigate our relationship with each other. This is the only day we won't be sexual with you.

Sounds fair.

Yeonjun: The two days following, you'll be splitting chores and wearing matching clothes with Beomgyu. This is when I get to play with both of you sexually. But it'll start off lightly as to not push your limits.

You nod.

You read the contracts and it was clear they did, too. You trust them to treat you well.

Beomgyu: The following three days, you'll be my personal human fuckdoll. I get to dress you, feed you, and bathe you - basically take care of you as I wish whether it's sexual or not. Yeonjun will not be joining us until the very last day.

Wow, okay.

The room was suddenly getting hot.

Yeonjun: And for your last day, we'll both be fucking you. You will be ours to use however we see fit. This will possibly be the most extreme we'll be, so make sure to remember you have options to opt out.

Y/n: I understand.

Yeonjun: Great. We've already got your room situated. It's late, so we'll let you get some sleep.

Y/n: Thank you.

You stand up and bow before heading upstairs to the guest room. Your name was written on a white board, which hangs off a hook.

You have to remind yourself that this is for your job, nothing more.

Monday:

Beomgyu knocks on your door at 7AM on the dot. You were already showered and dressed in the clothes labeled for the day.

They definitely prepared everything in advance, which must've taken a lot of work.

Beomgyu: Good morning, Miss Y/n.

He giggles as he shows off his pink dress.

He had his hair in pigtails with pick ribbon wrapped around the band.

He looks adorable.

Y/n: You look pretty, Beomgyu.

Beomgyu: Thank you, Miss Y/n. And please, call me Beomie.

You nod while smiling.

Y/n: Well, Beomie, let's go eat breakfast.

He intertwines your hands together and walks with you down the stairs.

You both are greeted with the smell of pancakes and a shirtless Yeonjun. He was wearing grey sweats and an apron.

Yeonjun: Good morning, Y/n. I see my princess has grown attached to you already.

Beomgyu: Miss Y/n called me pretty.

Yeonjun: And she's right. Come give Daddy a kiss.

Beomgyu skips to his boyfriend and gives him a deep kiss, bodies pressed up against each other.

Yeonjun: Sit down with Y/n so she's not lonely.

Breakfast was comfortable to say the least. They included you in the conversation and kept you entertained until Yeonjun inevitably left for work.

You spent the next few hours watching Beomgyu clean the house and do the laundry. He did everything with a smile on his face, almost like he enjoyed being a housewife.

Beomgyu: Miss Y/n, would you like to watch some movies with me?

Y/n: Of course I would.

He let you choose what to watch and loved every single one.

He got a few texts from Yeonjun, mostly to check up on him.

Beomgyu thought it'd be fun to rile him up, so he asked you to take pictures of him in very provocative poses to send.

And Yeonjun's response got Beomgyu all hot and horny.

He was advised not to touch himself, but that only made the younger want to do it even more. And now that you're here, maybe he won't get as bad of a punishment.

So he spreads his legs open, holding his panties to the side as he works himself open. You only watched and filmed him, sending the videos when he asks.

So when nighttime comes and Yeonjun gets back home, he's got his boyfriend bent over the couch with his cock deep inside him.

This was after a series of intense belt whoopings.

Yeonjun: Such a fucking brat. Think Y/n's gonna stop me from fucking you stupid? Of course not.

You just watch them from the other end of the couch. Beomgyu was bent over the arm rest, dress still on as he gets drilled from behind.

Yeonjun didn't even strip down, work pants open enough for his cock to spring free.

You can see drool falling out of Beomgyu's mouth as Yeonjun slams his hips harder against his ass.

Yeonjun: Look at you, a whimpering mess for my cock. You like the idea of being watched by Y/n, don't you.

Beomgyu nods, looking up at you. This only make his back arch more. Yeonjun's cock hits his prostate, making the younger scream.

Yeonjun: Gonna cum for me, princess?

Beomgyu: Yes, Daddy.

Yeonjun chuckles and reaches around to pump his boyfriend's aching cock until he dirties the couch. He cums deep inside Beomgyu not too long after.

Beomgyu: I love you, Daddy.

Yeonjun: I know, baby. Sorry if I was too rough on you.

Beomgyu: S'Okay. I love when you fuck me like a slut.

They both clean each other up, getting ready for bed. You dismiss yourself and spend the rest of the night masturbating.

All of that riled you up more than you thought possible. You can't wait for what tomorrow will bring.

Tuesday:

Beomgyu once again knocks on your door right on the dot. But this time, both of you were wearing matching blue dresses with blue ribbons in your hair.

Beomgyu: You look pretty, Y/n.

You giggle and give him a spin. A fond smile pulls at his lips.

Y/n: Thank you, Beomie.

Beomgyu once again holds your hand as you walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Yeonjun greets both of you with a kiss on the forehead.

Yeonjun: Good morning, my little doves. I'll be working from home today.

Beomgyu: Really?!

Yeonjun: Yes, my precious baby. That means I get to be with you two all day.

Y/n: Sounds wonderful, Mr. Yeonjun.

You guys sit down and eat the eggs and sausage he's prepared. After finishing, you and Beomgyu wash the dishes; he rinses and you dry.

Halfway through, you feel Yeonjun press up against you from behind. His cock was out, rubbing in between your thighs.

Yeonjun: Look at you, being a good girl and washing the dishes.

Beomgyu giggles next to you. He can see you getting shy and needy.

Yeonjun bends you over the sink just enough so you can still dry the dishes. He pulls your panties to the side so his cock slides up and down your folds.

He slaps your ass, watching it bounce back.

Yeonjun: Want me to fuck you, darling?

You grab the plate from Beomgyu's hands and try your best to dry it. But you just feel so good.

Y/n: Yes, Mr. Yeonjun.

And who is he to deny you?

Yeonjun: Princess, why don't you stop for a second to kiss my darling? I bet you want to drink up all her moans as Daddy pounds into her cunt.

Beomgyu dries his hands before pressing his chest into your side. He pulls your face closer to him and kisses you at the same time Yeonjun shoves his cock inside you.

You moan into Beomgyu's mouth, his tongue exploring every inch of your warm mouth.

Yeonjun pulls your dress underneath your braless tits, squeezing them. He lightly smacks your nipples, moaning against your ear.

Yeonjun: Play with her pussy, baby.

Beomgyu's right hand travels down to your clit, swallowing a whine that slipped out from the back of your throat. The stimulation from both men was sending you over the edge.

Yeonjun: I think she wants to cum, princess. Let me hear her beg.

Beomgyu steps back from you, hand still rubbing your pussy.

Y/n: Can I please cum, Mr. Yeonjun. Feels so good.

Yeonjun: What do you think, Beoms? Does Y/n deserve to cum yet?

Beomgyu: She does, Daddy. She's been good.

Yeonjun: You're right, baby, she has. Go ahead, darling. Cum all over my big dick.

Beomgyu presses his finger against your clit to help you cum while Yeonjun rams his cock along your gummy walls. The knot in your stomach undoes itself, leaking around the thick cock inside you.

Yeonjun pulls out of you and has you fall to your knees in front of him. He pumps his cock a few times before cumming on your tongue.

Yeonjun: Swallow it.

You gulp down everything, showing him a clean mouth.

Yeonjun: Good girl.

You get up and get back to doing the dishes.

Beomgyu easily continues his task while Yeonjun fucks him. This must be a regular occurrence on the days Yeonjun stays home.

Beomgyu walks around with Yeonjun's cum leaking down his legs as you both split the chores. You're on laundry duty while Beomgyu cleans the bathroom.

Yeonjun sits in his office doing paperwork for his company. He honestly doesn't have to be there all the time given that he's the CEO.

Both you and Beomgyu come together to make Yeonjun lunch.

He has you two ride him when the stress gets to him. You both cum on him, leaving him a gasping mess. He still has to finish work, but he wants more of you two.

Yeonjun: Princess, please help Y/n into some rope. I'll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes. You two better be on your knees when I get down there.

Beomgyu: Yes, Daddy.

Beomgyu grabs your hand and leads you down to their basement.

Y/n: What's downstairs?

Beomgyu: Daddy's Red Room. He built it himself.

You tilt your head, following behind him until your socked feet land on soft material. He switches the light on and the sight shocks you.

It was a BDSM sex dungeon with all sorts of thing.

Beomgyu: What color of rope would you like?

You look at the four options in his hands and decide to keep the theme of the day: blue.

He takes both of your clothes off, his touch lingering on your body as he takes in your fully naked body for the first time.

He can't wait until his turn with you.

He starts wrapping the rope around your body. He obviously knows how to make sure it's tight enough to stay on your body, but loose enough to not cut your blood circulation.

Beomgyu: You look beautiful, Y/n.

You smile shyly, looking away slightly.

He helps you onto the very comfortable bed, sitting you on your knees. You watch him tie some rope around himself, kneeling right next to you.

Yeonjun's footsteps eventually echo down the stairs until he makes it to the bottom.

He takes in the sight of you two pliantly waiting for him. You walks over and pulls Beomgyu into his chest by the ropes.

Yeonjun: Suck my cock.

His boyfriend kneels down, immediately taking his cock and deep throating him.

Yeonjun: Come here, darling.

You walk over to him and gasp when he bends you over Beomgyu's head. His fingers work you open, knuckles deep inside your swollen pussy.

Yeonjun reaches down with the other hand and pushes Beomgyu's head all the way down, tip hitting the back of his throat. You can hear him gag while you squirt on Yeonjun's fingers.

Y/n: Feels so food, Mr. Yeonjun.

He smacks your ass twice before making you stand properly. He cums down Beomgyu's throat, pulling him up by his throat.

Yeonjun: Both of you get on the bed, on all fours.

You two immediately do as he says, backs arched for him to see your holes.

He grabs two different hooks, and brings them down to both of you.

Yeonjun: This might be uncomfortable. Feel free to say the safe word if it's a no-go.

It was an anal hook.

He covers your hole in lube, using his fingers to work you open. He doesn't stop until you're gaping.

Beomgyu watches as his boyfriend slowly inserts the hook, your hole closing in around the end.

Yeonjun: God, that's so beautiful.

Beomgyu: So perfect.

You whine at the new feeling. Yeonjun presses a button, the chain rattling as it suspends your lower half in the air. You let out whimpers of pain, worrying both men.

Beomgyu: Are you okay? Should we take it off?

You shake your head, biting your bottom lip.

Y/n: Feels good.

Yeonjun massages your ass to soothe your aching pain.

He suspends Beomgyu by the ropes, ass hanging in the air. He reaches over to hold your hand.

To keep you grounded!

Because he saw the glazed look in your eyes.

At least that's what he told himself.

Yeonjun takes turns in fucking both of you to exhaustion, watching slump down while he fucks you two dumb.

Yeonjun: Should I breed the new pet, princess? Watch my cum spill out of her hole then fuck it back into her womb? Or should I spill it into your greedy asshole?

Beomgyu whines, Yeonjun's cock repeatedly hitting his prostate.

Beomgyu: Breed the angel.

Yeonjun: You like the idea of me fucking my babies into someone else?

Beomgyu: Yes, Daddy.

Yeonjun: Then cum for me so I can fill her pussy with my seed.

Beomgyu tiredly reaches for his own cock and uses Yeonjun's thrusts to spill his cum all over the satin sheets. He just slumps, Yeonjun unhooking him.

You scream when he suddenly slams his cock into you. His balls hit your clit, hips stuttering when he feels you squeeze around him.

Yeonjun: Can't even make sounds anymore, too far gone to even move. But your cunt is still hungry for my cock, darling. Why don't you cum for me, hm?

It was an automatic response, pussy squirting on his big and veiny cock. He spills inside you, fucking it as deep as he could.

You don't even register when he frees you from the hook, cleaning both you and Beomgyu up with a towel.

He carries you both upstairs to the main bathroom where the tub was big enough for both of you.

Beomgyu was coherent enough to help wash you up, but you were out of it. Everything felt fuzzy and tingles ran up your arms.

Your entire body hurts, but mostly your lower half. If you're already this far gone, how the hell were you going to survive the rest of the week?

---

a/n: decided to make this a two parter since i'm sleep deprived. it'll be out in november! thanks for reading ‹𝟹

253 notes · View notes

proselfship-imagine-hub · 4 months

Text

since there's a lot accounts that either don't have a dni, or will say something vague like, "just be nice", and i don't want to risk reblogging any selfship posts from antis/people who will be rude or violent towards me and other proshippers for interacting:

if you are not proship and make selfship posts, but are fine with proshippers interacting with you, please in some way interact with this post! like it, comment, reblog, whatever—feel free to even specify that you're not proship, just fine with us interacting if you want to make sure your followers don't get confused

but also, if you are proship and you make selfship posts, feel free to interact as well! i just want to expand the amount of people who i'm reblogging from because i feel like i'm only reblogging from the same handful of folks, and well, i want this be a blog that showcases the welcoming and kind side of the selfship community as a whole—proship or not 💛

also, for those who don't know what the proship stance is, or those who have been misinformed, here is the definition of proship and an explanation of what being proship means:

proship means you pro/for shipping, the same way someone who is pro abortion is pro/for abortion, "pro" is not short problematic like some will try to say it

this is a belief that people should not be shamed or harrassed for the ship dynamics they like or engage in with fictional characters, even if those dynamics are ones you find disgusting, squicky, or triggering. blocking, blacklisting, and or just ignoring tags and users is encouraged

it does not mean that you like every ship dynamics, or even the people who ship those dynamics, it just means you acknowledge the fact that while fiction affects reality, it does not do so on a 1 to 1 ratio

like how watching a horror movie may upset you or may make you excited, it is not going to make you a murder, or even make you want to murder people. and in the very rare case that someone does decide to commit a murder after being inspired by a horror movie, the blame still lies fully on them because they still made the choice the murder, the movie may have caused inspiration but it did not force them to act on those inspirations. giving any blame to the movie in this case is saying that people are not responsible for their actions, that emotions and feelings are understandable excuses, removes accountability from and give justification to abusers, and allows other kinds of abusers to use similar means of defense such as "well, she was wearing a short skirt and i couldn't help myself!"

and for an example specifically about not liking ships, i do not like ships featuring any child aged characters, including child x child/teen/adult, loli, shota, etcetera, but i do not harrass, shame, and or accuse these people of being pedophiles or anything. i block people who ship these ships and block any related tags to avoid seeing this kind of dynamic but that's it. i acknowledge that people who like seeing murder in media most often have no desire to see murder in real life and that this same logic applies to other crimes depicted in fiction, such as incest, domestic abuse, and yes, even pedophilia

being proship also doesn't mean shutting down discussions around media, it just means not censoring that media so that those discussions can take place. to give an example, i find racist and homophobic stories, movies, etcetera disgusting but i do not want them censored, because if we censor them we remove our means to analyze, debate, and discuss these stories/etcetera and the people who make them

take the phenomenon around the popularity of Fifty Shades of Gray where suddenly there was a lot of new easily accessible information on how those scenes were wrong, but here's how to do kink properly and safely. if we had censored Fifty Shades of Gray out of fear people would have began sexually abusing each other, we never would have gotten all the wonderful education and discussions that we did

also, proship refers solely to the belief, not the dynamics of certain ships often associated with proshipper. either you are proship, a proshipper, or you beliving in proshipping, but you cannot ship a "proship" nor is there such thing a "proship ship" since proship is a belief, not a dynamic

*note, if you wish just to reblog the definition and explanation of proship that i gave, you can find it here: [○•♡click here♡•○]

137 notes · View notes

thurio-edau · 15 days

Text

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

first of all, I should explain what I am going to do. starting with Ashlyn, I'll analyze and/or theorize the group. because there is a lot of depth to all their characters and I've really been wanting to do this for some time. it will be a total of 5 posts instead of 6, because I will be analyzing Tyler and Taylor together due to obvious reasons. I will also cut them at the beginning because they might be long and also there will be triggers.

Part 1: Ashlyn Banner

I'm starting with Ashlyn right here as the protagonist and the leader of the series. Ashlyn's probably won't be very long since this is not a character analysis and instead, a mental characteristic analysis. even though her character is written so well that doesn't mean she has to be mentally sick, since she seems to be... well the most stable one -until the recent chapters-

what I'll be starting off with, will be autism. even though it's not confirmed fully in canon, Red herself said that she wrote Ashlyn with autism in mind so in this analysis I'll mostly go through with the symptoms she shows and how it explains her character.

her most obvious and constantly repeated symptom is her sensory issues. she is able to hear phantom noises and other things no one can hear due to her hypersensitive hearing.

from the beginning of the series, she has been repeatedly struggling with loud noises even though she wore earplugs or noise-cancellation headphones. Ashlyn herself said that she didn't want to make friends growing up, one of the reasons being her sensitive hearing allowing her to hear everything. you'd also probably be wary of things like it if you had her hearing; any gossip, talking behind backs, rumours etc. would not be pleasant to hear and you'd be aware of everyone's true side.

the group understands her problems with her hearing being too strong, and looks after her whenever there's anything loud. which was first seen at the arcade if I'm correct, Taylor asked her if she'd be alright and Aiden got punched in the face while he was worried about her.

or the time Taylor and Logan were shooting at the centipede phantom, due to the bullets making extremely loud sounds for her. or in the facility, when Logan told her to cover her ears to take down a phantom.

from the moment she was born, she had always been sensitive to any loud sounds. reminding here that autism is a neurodivergency, which means someone's brain is diverse than most other who we call neurotypicals. autism, ADHD, bipolar etc. are neurodivergencies that cannot be obtained later in life, and has always been at the person's brain.

I see myself in her frequently, I also wear earplugs constantly and my friends are aware of the sensory issues I have. her reactions to said sensory issues are written really realistic and correctly.

next, boundaries and distancing.

once again, since the beginning, Ashlyn has been distancing herself from everyone around her. this part will mostly include Aiden due to him not understanding boundaries and having passed Ashlyn's lots of times.

autistic people tend to avoid eye contact, physical touch -if the person is not very close to them- and also usually not very expressive. for the love of god, the first time we see her geniunely smile is halfway through the series, when they get the car keys. the group's reaction to her smile is hilarious, even.

after the events of that night, Aiden is trying to understand her boundaries. he's an affectionate/caring person inside, and wants to hug her but keeps it low by just holding her head.

here we learn he did, indeed, hug her when he kept her from falling and Ashlyn even allowed it when she realized how scared he was for her.

despite keeping her boundaries always high, she let it happen this time, learning how to open up to people. before this night she was always on guard

by time she starts to see them as her actual friends, like the found family they are. autistic people are similar to cats actually, like those stray cats that will claw you instantly if you look at their eyes for long or make sudden moves to pet them. the cat sniffs your hand first, you feed it for some time, then a slight touch. the cat gets used to you after your own efforts to get close to it. Ashlyn is a similar case, she had to almost die to get used to them and accept them.

next, special interests. this part is a bit short but I feel as if it still counts to be honest.

ever since her childhood, she's been very interested in dancing. losing track of time as she does, not being interested in any other things if it wasn't related to ballet, making it a very important part of herself. her love for dance/ballet made her not take any interest in anything else like her self-defense classes her parents tried to give, and they were really surprised once she asked them to do it this time.

like cmon she has a literal dance mat on her room

which basically wraps the main symptoms! I can't really think of any detail symptoms for now because it's midnight here but I'm thinking of updating them each time I get more ideas. for the next part, mental disorders.

personally, I must say that I don't think she suffers from any mental disorders or illnesses. she's not depressive, just closed off. you might ask anxiety but she herself had said she isn't shy or nervous, she herself just doesn't like to talk a lot which is fully valid. Ashlyn hasn't showed any problems in talking in front of audiences, she isn't paranoid -her hypersensitive hearing doesn't count since it's not paranoia; she knows what's in there because she hears- and seems to be mentally more stable than the rest of the group. I also don't think she has anger issues the way Ben and Tyler do, it's just that everything got on her nerves quickly before she got used to the team.

she doesn't mind being the leader of the group and definitely isn't scared, as seen as how she went up against Tyler when they first were in the phantom dimension.

Ashlyn is basically the autistic girl who doesn't like talking much and has high boundaries, but once she warms up to her friends she's willing to do anything for them as seen as the recent episodes in the facility. I'm almost fully sure that she is autistic, considering the signs she shows.

sorry if this was a bit boring! the next ones will definitely be more interesting because the rest of the characters have interesting backstories and oh boy some disorders, I just wanted to start with Ashlyn to see if I could do this the way it was in my mind. I'm sure the rest can be pretty good!

I'd like it if anyone else mentioned more stuff. next up will be Aiden, who has a plethora of characteristics and it's definitely going to be really interesting. thank you for reading so far but I won't be writing Aiden's now because hhhhhh i need some sleep

#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard webtoon #schoolbus graveyard #ashlyn banner #sbg #sbg ashlyn #sbgblr

83 notes · View notes