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vivianweasley · 3 years

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Pride and Prejudice (Chapter 6)

Summary: Your father is Lucius Malfoy’s cousin, and after the war, it was really difficult for you to find a job because of your last name. So your mother and Mrs. Weasley came up with a crazy idea. A fake marriage between you and Fred Weasley.

Last Chapter! (I combined the last chapter and the epilogue cuz they are not too long.)

Pairing: Fred Weasley X Malfoy!Fem!Reader

Warnings: food mention, mention of divorce, people pretending to choke, proposal.

Word Count: 1.8k

Disclaimer: photos used in the header are from Pinterest. Credit goes to the original owners.

Please do NOT repost or translate my work on any platform! Thank you! Reblogs and comments are always welcome:)

Pride and Prejudice Series Masterlist

Fred walked downstairs, noticing a faint smell of apples in the joke shop. “So are we selling apple juice now, Georgie?” he joked.

But George looked confused, “What apple juice? I could only smell caramel-” And then the answer finally came to George, “Amortentia!”

Fred followed George to the shelf displaying amortentia and immediately realized a firecracker just exploded next to this shelf, causing at least four bottles of amortentia to break and the love potion inside to spill.

George waved his wand and cleaned up the mess, but a satisfied smirk soon appeared on George’s lips, “Strange. Didn’t know you liked apples this much.”

“Shut up and go back to work!” Fred raised his voice, covering for the fact that he’s a complete mess now.

That fainting smell of apple that’s still lingering in the shop also had a dash of the scent of book pages in it. And this combination could only remind Fred of one person.

You.

The person whom he married out of a dare. The person who he fell in love with during the process. The person who just walked out of his life.

George noticed the change in Fred’s expression. How defeat was now written all over his face. “Mate, you need to do something. You can’t just let her walk away like that.”

“What can I do?” Fred sighed, “Maybe she’s been waiting for this all the time.”

George sighed with Fred. This wasn’t like his brother. Soon the lingering smell of amortentia caught his attention, and a brilliant idea popped into George’s mind. “She has feelings for you too, and I can prove it to you!”

You pushed open the door of the joke shop. George just called you claiming that there’s an emergency, so you rushed to the joke shop immediately after work.

George approached you with a small glass vial, “Y/N, this is the new perfume I just made. I need your opinion.”

So this is the emergency??

You looked at George, couldn’t decipher what his smile meant. But you did know one thing. In fact, everyone who went to school with the twins should know the rule: be careful of what they handed to you. So you stepped away from that vial and asked with caution, “When did the joke shop start selling perfume?”

“Oh, we are always trying to expand our business,” George noticed how you became alert, so he added, “I swear to Merlin, this is not a prank!”

Still finding his smile suspicious, but for Merlin’s sake, you still decided to take the vial.

“Does it smell good? What does it smell like?” George asked carefully.

“Hmm...” The perfume did smell very good. You could smell the sweetness of cinnamon, a dash of gunpowder, but it also smelled so familiar. It smelled like...Fred’s cologne? “George, I’m pretty sure someone else has already made a perfume like this.”

“Really? How so?” George felt his heart beating at his throat, so scared that you might say another person’s name.

“Isn’t this just Fred’s cologne?” You were finding this unbelievable. How could George not recognize his own twin’s cologne?

“Oh really!!” Hearing a definitive answer from you has made George so happy that he pulled you into a hug. “Got it! Thank you for your opinion! You’re the best!”

“You’re welcome...?” Watching George being so happy that he could start dancing at any minute, you were beginning to think that the chemicals in the perfume were toxic. How could making a plagiarized perfume make a man so happy?

Two days later, you apparated to the joke shop again. It was raining outside. Maybe the weather was trying to set the tone for what was about to happen next. After taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door of the twins’ apartment, the apartment that you called home for the past year.

Fred opened the door, letting you in without saying a word. You tried not to look at him so you could appear indifferent and won’t be affected by his expressions.

“Here’s the divorce document,” you said as you took out all the paper in your bag. He took the documents and flipped through the papers quickly, still not saying anything at all.

You couldn’t tell if his silence meant he’s also not ready to say goodbye or he just had nothing to say to you. But you tried not to overthink as you continued, “Oh, before you sign it, you still have one wish left. What do you want me to do?”

“What if I said,” he finally looked at you, his eyes capturing yours, “I don’t want you to go?”

His words were like a drum in your ears, rendered you speechless. Before you could fully process what he just said, Fred continued, “It might sound crazy, but for the past few days, I realized I just couldn’t imagine a life without you anymore. I know I’ve lived 20 years without you perfectly fine, but now that I’ve had you in my life, I don’t ever want to live without you again. I know I could be insensitive sometimes, and I probably did something stupid that made you mad in the past year, but I’m willing to change if you tell me to.”

“All I’m trying to say is,” he took a deep breath and continued, “Please allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. And please don’t divorce me.“

You finally let out a soft laugh. That’s Mr. Darcy’s line in Pride and Prejudice. You remembered reading this part to him during Christmas, and you couldn’t believe that he actually memorized this line.

Fred panicked when you weren’t talking, “But of course, if you really want to, I wouldn’t stop you. I-“

“You know, you don’t have to use your last wish on this,” you stopped him, “I was going to say yes anyway. But If you insist, that won’t be a problem with me.”

Fred’s eyes widened as he processed your words, “Wait, does that mean-“

You answered his question by pulling him down and pressing a kiss on his lips. He was shocked by your sudden action but soon kissed you back with his hands finding your waist and pulling you closer to him.

So this is what it feels like to kiss him, and it’s so much better than how you’ve imagined it would be. It started a soft kiss but soon became more passionate, as if you were making up for all the time you two spent on being oblivious.

“Should’ve done this earlier.” A smirk appeared on Fred’s lips when you finally pulled away.

“Idiot,” you rolled your eyes, but your cheeks were still heated.

He chuckled before giving you another soft peck on the lips. His hands were still resting on your waist.

“And you’re still this idiot’s wife.”

～(warning: people pretending to choke, food mention)~

“Y/N, there’s a Mr. Weasley looking for you,” the receptionist raised her eyebrows and smiled at you.

“Thanks! I’ll be done in a minute!” You quickly finished the last sentence and looked at Luna from across the table with your puppy eyes.

She chuckled, “Alright, you can leave early today.”

“Thanks, Luna, you’re the best!” You flicked your wand to pack up your bag before running to the door.

“Tell Fred I said hi!” you heard Luna’s voice behind you.

“I will!”

A month after your fake marriage ended, you quit your job at Whizz Hard Books. You didn’t want to work in a place that wouldn’t accept who you really are.

Ginny introduced you to Luna Lovegood and The Quibbler. You immediately fell in love with the whimsical ideas and style of The Quibbler, and Luna gave you a new job as you two hit it off very quickly. So this is where you work now. No need to hide your background and use a fake last name. This place accepted you for who you are.

Fred was at the door, opening his arms when he saw you running to him. “Happy one-year anniversary, darling!”

You giggled as you ran into his arms, “and this time, it’s real.”

“Yep,” he pressed a kiss on your forehead, “ready?”

You nodded, and the next second you two apparated to your favorite restaurant.

The dinner was delicious, and for dessert, Fred ordered your favorite cake. But when you were enjoying the cake, you suddenly felt something hard inside. This was extremely dangerous, for you could’ve swallowed it if you weren’t paying attention. You were just about to complain when you finally realized what it was.

It’s a ring!

You were surprised. Was Fred trying to propose? But last time you checked, you two were still legally a married couple.

But this also seemed like what he would do on your one-year anniversary. You were sure he was waiting to see your surprised face, and an idea soon came to you.

You pretended that you were trying to pick up your spoon because your elbow “accidentally” swept it down on the floor a few seconds ago. When you were sure Fred couldn’t see you, you slid the ring on your finger. Then you got up and took another bite of the cake like nothing out of the ordinary happened.

A few seconds later, you started coughing. Your brows were furrowed as your hands reached for your neck like you just choked on something.

Fred was freaking out, knowing that he’s the reason behind all this, “Darling, are you alright?”

The only response you could produce was a few glottal sounds and you looked like you were almost crying.

Fred ran to you as fast as possible. He wanted to help, but he had no idea what to do as his brain was in an absolute mess now. The only thing he could manage to do was apologizing again and again, “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have done that. Baby, I’m so sorry…”

The noise you two were making attracted the other customers’ attention, and you saw a waiter approaching you with his wand, trying to help. You knew it’s probably time to stop this prank.

“Are you talking about this?” You finally stopped acting and waved your left hand in front of him.

Fred’s expression froze, still trying to recover from the terror of accidentally hurting you. After a few moments, he finally realized, “Wait, does that mean…”

“YES!” You chuckled.

Fred’s furrowed brows finally unfolded as a bright smile appeared on his lips. He picked you up and spun you around, “She said YES!”

The crowd around you was clapping and cheering while your husband was cheering himself as well.

You giggled, “Freddie, you know we never went through with the divorce, right? So technically, I’m still your wife.”

“I know, darling, but I figured that I owe you a proper proposal,” he said while pressing multiple soft kisses on your face, “Plus, I just want to make this official. I love you, darling.”

“I love you too,” You smiled as your lips found his again, “I love you most ardently.”

A/N: I can’t believe I really finished this series asdfgfgjk Thank you guys so so much for reading, reblogging, commenting, and liking this series. I can’t tell you how much your support means to me❤️

Series Taglist: @ifilosemyselfagain @theweasleytwinsgirl @bookworm06 @unabashedbookscollector @txtdreamss @sagittarius-flowerchild @rsheridan @ovrwd @anywherebuthere @allaroundaddict @jeminila @secretsofageek @magical-spit @freddieweasleyswife @lilypad-55449 @hufflepuffzutara @honey-honey-5644 @kyloren-peterparker @treblebeth @kyloren-peterparker @fred-sux @rodrickmalfoy @liliputbahn @its-yasbxtch @daydreamgirl8 @305weasley @awritingtree @lucymfer @bberree @malfoy-wife15 @weasleyxmalfoyxstyles @justfollowtheroad @nojamsonmytoast @amc723

(If your name is bolded, Tumblr wont let me tag you. And I’m really sorry if I forgot you!)

(General taglist in reblogged post cuz it can’t fit in one post)

#fred weasley #weasley twins #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley series #fred weasley x malfoy!reader #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fanfiction

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thetypedwriter · 3 years

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Firekeeper’s Daughter Book Review

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that all of my in-depth reviews contain spoilers.

Firekeeper’s Daughter Book Review by Angeline Boulley

Well, this book review came quicker than I thought it would (which after weeks since my last published review for an actual novel that may sound absurd, but I promise it isn’t).

There’s a lot of great things about this book and a lot of really important representation, but I also found it to be an incredible slog to trudge through.

Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley is the story of a girl by the name of Daunis Fontaine who finds herself stuck between two worlds: her Fontaine side, also known as her zhaaganaash or white side, and her Native side, or known as her Anishinaabe side, or even more specifically, Ojibwe side.

The debut novel from Boulley mainly describes Daunis’ struggle between these two worlds, the important people in them, and the war within herself to follow her heart, her gut, and her mind.

In the background of this identity struggle, or perhaps largely influenced by it, Daunis finds herself inexplicably tangled up in a secret federal investigation into a specific type of meth being produced in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula that affects people not only in her community, but other Native communities as well.

Suddenly finding herself becoming a spy, Daunis starts to learn and keep secrets, those in regards to the investigation as well as those regarding her feelings for fellow investigator-Jamie Johnson-an undercover narcotics cop posing as the cute new highschooler in town.

As Daunis deals with her own internal struggles, her community, her relationships, and her burgeoning romance, her past, future, and present all collide and come to a head in this new novel.

Now. Reading this summary, you might be thinking: this book sounds awesome! Love? Undercover cops? Drugs? Mystery? It has everything.

And you’d be right.

When I first read the jacket cover for this novel I knew it was a book I was inevitably going to read. Everything from the gorgeous cover art, to the intriguing summary, to the representation of Native Americans, I was completely drawn in.

Too bad I didn’t like it very much.

I will start off by saying that I think this book is incredible in its realistic depiction of the Ojibwe experience and I know how important it is to increase representation of all kinds of people and backgrounds in literature, especially YA literature.

Boulley did an absolutely stunning job of relaying the nitty-gritty of the Ojibwe community-the elders, the geography, the food, the stigma, the finances, the politics, the reputation, the racism, the prejudice, the community, the love, the healing, and so much more.

I always am in awe when authors utilize the golden rule of write what you know. Per the back jacket of the novel, Boulley herself states that she is an enrolled member of the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe of Chippewa Indians and an active storyteller of the Ojibwe community.

This is beyond incredible. Having an accurate and active portrayal of people writing and drawing from their own experiences are powerful and significant. I could taste, feel, and see how clear and how real Boulley made the novel.

I questioned a lot of things during this read, but the Ojibwe community in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula was not one of them. From vocabulary to the extreme details depicting Sugar Island to the care and craft when talking about specific ceremonies like funerals, Boulley did an outstanding job of bringing in what she knows from her own experience and that of her community in order to breathe life into these pages.

This was by far the best part of the novel for me.

On the back jacket, Boulley also states that she was a former Director of the Office of Indian Education at the U.S. Department of Education. While I did not know this until a few minutes ago when I sat down to write this review, I am in no way surprised.

The book was extremely intelligent. I could viscerally tell that Boulley knows her stuff and does her research. Everything from biology and chemistry processes and vocabulary, to mushroom identification, to legal matters like having an underage informant, politics regarding becoming a member of the Ojibwe Tribe, and due process of the law regarding FBI cases was very clear cut, very detailed, and obviously very accurate.

I appreciated how much time and effort was put into this, even if I did find a lot of it bone dry and dull, I still could appreciate the time, effort, and knowledge to make sure that everything in the novel was precise and correct.

That being said, it also made the book come across almost like an informational pamphlet at times, or like I was reading non-fiction. I understand being accurate, and I applaud her for that, but I don’t need or want five pages of in-book description of how one of these processes work. Just give me the bare-bones outline and I will go from there and look it up more if I so desire.

This brings me to my first critique of this book and a large reason it was so tedious to get through: it was mind-numbingly long.

Now. I just read a 2,000 page fanfiction not that long ago. That is long, you could argue, and you would be right. But, none of All of the Young Dudes was a bore to get through (sad, sure, but not boring), whereas whole sections of Firekeeper’s Daughter were too dragged out and too explicitly explained that I inevitably got bored and nodded off.

The pace was too slow and too bogged down with unimportant details, like Daunis’ daily visits to the elders or her overthinking every single thing, or her making lists of all the things she doesn’t know (these are long lists).

She often spends whole pages grieving about her Uncle David as well as her best friend Lily, and while understandable and realistic in real life, it was not fun nor productive to read about over and over and over again.

Take for example, the very beginning of the book. It takes over 100 pages for Daunis to realize the new-boy-next-door isn’t who he says he is and that he’s actually an undercover cop here to investigate a new strain of meth and asks for her help.

Over 100 pages of set up.

It was so goddamn boring.

It got better once she became involved with the investigation, but then so did the whining, the overthinking, and the reflecting. The first 100 pages could have been condensed to 20. No joke, I would have gotten the same exposition out of that I did.

In addition, despite things taking so long or not serving a purpose, I was often confused about what was happening, which is an overall unpleasant experience. Boulley simultaneously describes everything and yet nothing at the same time.

The reason for this discrepancy is because she often used native language to describe feelings, events, people, etc and while some of the words I learned over time, often the words left me confused or bewildered.

I appreciate the use of native language, but it also left me with big gaps while reading or made me struggle to put pieces together as they were happening.

The pace of the novel overall was incredibly bad. Things either took 12 years or two minutes. The actual plot to show up? 12 Years. Daunis and Jamie to fall in love classic YA style? Two minutes. Daunis to find Uncle David’s notebook? 12 years. The final confrontation of the bad guys? Two minutes.

With any event, it either felt sluggish or way too quick and mashing these two together in one novel was disorienting and frustrating, not to mention it made me not want to read.

Additionally, while I generally thought the plot was very interesting, who doesn’t like undercover cop stories? I thought all of the characters were very forgettable or downright shells.

Daunis was...a textbook female character in my eyes. The way she spouted off knowledge like the periodic table to fall asleep or reciting the scientific method wasn’t cool or new, it was irritating.

To me she wasn’t real.

She was someone’s idea of a female character who seemed cool, but wasn’t. Nothing about Daunis made me think of her as a great character. If anything, she just seemed like an empty vessel I was reading the book through, like the book was happening to me instead (cough cough Mary Sue).

Some of you may be upset with this statement, and that’s fine, but other than her love of science, her knowledge of geography, and her ties to the community, nothing about Daunis was a real person.

She hardly had friends, I don’t recall learning anything she liked or disliked (other than Jamie, hockey, and running) , and she was entirely surmised of the people who had left her and the identity struggle she had been born with. I don’t mean to undermine people who struggle with their identity, I know that’s important, but there is more to people than just that.

None of the other characters are frankly worth mentioning.

You might ask, what about Jamie? The shadowy, scarred love interest?

*Shrugs*

He’s fine. Genuinely that’s all I can say about him. We don’t even learn his real name as Jamie Johnson is a fake. All I know is that he’s got curly hair, a scar, and doesn’t know who he is. It’s hard to like a character when the character themselves have no idea of who they are.

The other characters either die or are in the background to progress the plot along.

To be fair, it’s a good plot. It’s intriguing, it’s mysterious, and I learned more than I ever thought I would about meth and mushrooms, but it doesn’t make up for the dead-end characters or the pacing issues.

I didn’t hate it, but I also didn’t like it. I guess I can say that I feel indifferent about this book, although the representation of Native Americans bumps it up slightly for me from being dead average.

The storytelling isn’t spectacular, even if the idea is promising, but if you have been searching for representation like this in YA I can see how this book would be much more impactful and important and I’m happy to have it as a part of the YA collective.

Recommendation: At the end of the day, this novel is a true smorgasbord. I love the representation, the draws from Boulley’s real life, and the intelligence, but I didn’t see any of the characters as real people, the pacing issues made it hard to gain and keep interest going, and the dialogue often came across to me as someone's warped version of what teenager’s sound like.

Score: 6/10

#firekeepersdaughter #angeline boulley #ya fiction #YA Books #YA literature #book blog #book review #Book Recommendations #YA Book Review #ya book rec #nativewomen #nativebooks #representation in fiction #book rec #book reccs #6/10

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shesawriter39049 · 5 years

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BTS -HS-HEADCONS

(Slightly NSFW ) ..JUST A LIL

Mkay ..disclaimer this is all in good FUN, I’m also a fellow 94 liner, so if the boys were in the US, we would’ve been in HS together!

This is Obv very Westernized and I’m writing this as if they aren’t the art school AU’s people typically write

(EDITED 8/5/2020)

Jimin-

-A whole thot thot, I mean don’t get me wrong he’s a total sweetheart but he’s still a walking thirst trap, no cap, no filter! He’s kinda ”famous” on social media(Prob like 15-20k) Snap, IG, FB, you name it...for some reason he always seems to work out shirtless. LOVES to take pics so you KNOW he worked out shirtless!

-Please don’t let any form of R&B play at a party...It’s a wrap, what you tryin to see? Some grind work? A little hip roll action? You want a lap dance? Tongue out and all! The Asian alllll the black girls girls love(Obviously not just black girls but lets be real..it takes a certain...appeal..and Jimin has it!)

- Gives off that whole “My dad owns, about 5 nail salons and beauty supplies in the hood” kinda vibe! (Meaning hes comfortable around different walks of life,he doesn't feel out of place easily, hes the type of person that everybody can gravitate towards) The boy has swag and he knows it…got everybody from Megan to Brian thirsty as all hell!

-Will win best hair his senior year..without a doubt, well if he doesn't fry it first!... Looks like a walking Pantene commercial, yes, more so because he can’t go two seconds without running his fingers through his scalp!

-KING of subtle shade...knows all the tea but acts like he doesn't as he slowly sips his Starbucks. The type to honestly forget he’s told 3 different girls they could wear his jersey/Letterman jacket! Until they all text him Thursday night ....

-A jock that’s cool with everybody! The type to cuss out his fellow athletes that are total dick wads and bully people... I feel like he’d be a damn good running back, he has the right height a muscle build up for it.

-Owns a pair of buffs, don't lie to yourself you know you could see it too...wears skinny jeans with Timberland's 😒, still wears 3878374 rings. Believe it or not he gives me like Tilly’s/Zumiez/PacSun vibes!

-Drives a red obnoxiously loud scat pack that’s tinted way past the legal shade! He drifts on the weekends. Jimin would be your local plug IDC,IDC,IDC...LOL I said what I said, got a whole eighter hiding in a fake bottle of orange juice!

- Just flirting his way through high school living his best life… will fuck someone up if need be, has a slight temper, sassy as hell, can roll his eyes with the best of them. ”Would it be ...too extra if I changed outfits and dates during the dance?..Serious question guys! ”

- He’d be the one that all the girls say gives the best head ...I mean..those lips..that tongue..HELLO! Stroke game on point...I feel like he’d have no filter when it comes to talking about sex publicly. No shame, loves to tease you, at the worst times, down to sneak off to the bathroom, or the janitors closet! Will bend you over behind the bleachers after they win a football game...if your down...gang, gang!

Namjoon-

-An Asian with light skin tendencies ...the one that low key may think he’s black (I’m joking!! lmao,,,maybe)

-He’s that one person that legitimately everyone likes...no matter how hard you may try..you just can’t dislike him!

-He actually is class president!

-Hangs out with all the basketball players and has the freshest Jordans..but can’t hoop! He’s on the school newspaper..writes the sports column...is still that free spirit telling you to live your best damn life.

-Either looks like he’s going to a business meeting or like he just picked out damn near everything from Champs there’s no in between!

-Makes and sells beats on the side, would also have a strong social media presence! He’s be the type to have a ton of followers on Sound Cloud and Spotify!

-The type to try and talk is way into and or around everything “I understand hats are against the wardrobe but I’m just trying to express myself and I think it’s right to give everybody self expression” Wears glasses, though none of us really know if he needs them forreal forreal…. Wears a snowman on his wrist (A big iced out watch).

-Drives a white BMW 430, puts cones around his car in the parking lot..Yoongi and Jimin kick the cones...faithfully..everyday!

-Don’t let his niceness fool you, will cook your ass in the blink of an eye if need be! Prefers a good verbal situation though, the king of a good word battle will have you all types of trying to check the dictionary to understand what he just said! Got you standing there like a misplaced student in honors English…

- If shit get’s physical well..we can’t let the president fight soo...he’ll call Yoongi or Jimin to handle it for him…. Because...well his Jay’s are brand new..and only 10 other people have them...sooooo..OR maybe it’s lowkey because he can’t fight all that well...baby’s not coordinate OKAY!? Don’t @ me!

-Oophfff daddy long leg! Lmao nah but you know he’d be the one...the one that every girl says he’s packin..and he is...He’d be little more reserved..and modest when it comes to his skills but he’s damn sure not shy! Would deff skip lunch, for a quickey at the park..yes the park.....would leave for lunch in a suit...come back in some joggers....real subtel....

Yoongi -

-The unexpected jock ...the one who can kick your entire ass in basketball, one of the stars on the team! Shooting Guard, has a championship ring from every year he’s played!

-Picks and chooses when he wants to be social. Just judge his mood based on his face that day!

-DJ’s every party and school event. Often gets into trouble for not playing the clean versions of songs!

-He’s on the morning broadcast with Jimin and Jin...also forgets to censor himself. I.E “Peter Pan opened last night and it sucked actual ass!”

-Lowkey highkey funny AF, king of sarcasm and one liners!

-Purposely owns an old school Chevelle instead of a new car, also drifts on the weekends.

- Lives in like the flyest loungewear...joggers, hoodies,Jays..doesn't look like he tried but still looks bomb AF.

-Another one that will creep up on you when it comes to his skill in bed, the one that girls say there surprised with how passionate and attentive he is! In contrast to how hard his exterior can be, the type to take his time and make sure your more than satisfied….

-Always, ALWAYS has his headphones in, lives and breathes music! He raps on the side, competes in underground competitions, and win’s without even trying! Refuses to ever participle in the schools talent show because he can’t swear therefore they are hindering his creative flow!

-Constantly looks like he’d rather cut his own testie off than be “here” right now.

-Will walk out if you don't let him go to the bathroom when he feels like it, actually he’ll just walk out period…”Yoongi where are you going!?” .

“Oh I need another espresso shot before I sit through this extremely falsely sugarcoated reality of how Columbus “discovered” a place that was already there!”

Jimin: “Aww man, sit down I got you! I was just about to have Pizza Hut sent to the office, you wanna add into my postmates order!!?”

😩😂😂😂...I canttttt ..maybe I’ll do the other four!? Again all in good fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I often wonder what the boys would be like if they were born in the states. Then I realize the lack of filter they’d all have especially JIMIN and I’m grateful for the cultural differences that come with them being Korean born !

UPDATE- 7/29...I think I might turn these headcons into a lil sum sum...writing these reminded me that I actually enjoyed HS (For me my “shitty” period was like elementray and part of middle school) But I made HS my bitch, and had so much damn fun lol !

7/30- PART 1

#jimin #jimin smut #jimin headcanon #namjoon #namjoon smut #namjoon headcanon #yoongi #yoongi smut #yoongi headcon #bts #bts smut #bts high school au #bts au #bts headcon #kpop headcons #jimin hs #park jimin #kim namjoon #min yoongi

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britesparc · 3 years

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Weekend Top Ten #495

Top Ten Non-MCU Post-Credit Scenes

Oh look, two MCU-related posts in a row! Delightful. Well, kinda. Because this week is a fake-out; it’s not really about the MCU! In fact, it’s almost anti-MCU! How wicked! Because ever since its inception, one of the quirks of the Marvel Cinematic Universe – something it’s become famous for, in fact – is its use of a post-credit scene. From the moment Nick Fury stepped out of the shadows to mention the “Avenger Initiative” after all the names had scrolled on by in Iron Man, the ongoing films were almost defined by their last-second teases and delights. You can tell, in the cinema, the fans and non-fans, as they get up and clear off, leaving the True Believers in their seats, wondering how these people could possibly vacate the theatre without really seeing the ending. In fact, as the franchise has gone on, the number of people staying put has – in my own rough reckoning – increased considerably, to now be about fifty percent of the audience. And why not? You’re really not getting the full picture! As these entangled narratives have unfurled before us, we like the connective tissue of the end-credit tease; the reveals of new characters or locations, the subtle hints at what’s to come. Loki has possessed Selvig! The Collector has the Aether! The ant’s playing the drums!

“To challenge them would be to court Death!”

Anyway, MCU films have post-credit scenes. But of course they’re not the only ones. Having a scene after the credits – or, sometimes, during the credits – is fairly common in the history of cinema. I think it’s become a lot more common this century, partly because of Marvel popularising it as a storytelling device or method of connecting disparate films in a franchise, but also (I believe) because CG animated films have often used it as a comedy trick. I’m not sure why or where this really began in earnest, but I think the old Pixar “out takes” was partly to blame, as was the whole “Shrek Dance Party” phenomenon. Anyway, as you will see, there are a few here that fit that bill.

Because that’s what this whole list is! It’s films that have great post-credit scenes, but aren’t Marvel! Or, at least, aren’t officially part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Some of them are classics of the form, thirty or forty years old; some are newer and fall into the categories I’ve mentioned above. Some follow a similar pattern to most MCU end-scenes – comedy skit or tease an upcoming movie, but stuck at the end of the credits – whereas some interfere with the credits throughout. I’ve been wary of scenes which aren’t really post-credit, but if we all the “mid-credit” scene in the MCU – or the multiple scenes from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 – then we can allow some of the ones below.

So there we are! Nowt more to it. Let’s roll the credits...

Airplane! (1980): early in the film, our hero Ted Striker (Robert Hays) leaves his cab just as a fare gets in the back. Telling said fare to wait, Striker dashes after his girlfriend Elaine (Julie Hagarty), ends up on her plane, and, well, the rest of the delightfully silly and surreal plot unfolds. The film ends, the credits roll, and then we cut back to the abandoned cab, where the poor unfortubate fare is still sat in the back seat. “I’ll give him five more minutes,” he says, looking at his watch, “And that’s it.” I mean, it’s just sublime.

Deadpool (2016)/Deadpool 2 (2018): where to start? Whether it’s the first film’s Ferris Bueller-aping dressing gown skit (delightfully informing us that Cable will be in the next film) or the sequel’s multiple time-hopping gags – including undoing the film’s unfortunate fridging of Vanessa (Morena Baccarin) and killing Ryan Reynolds (“you’re welcome, Canada”) – this series really knows how to keep you engaged until the very last second. Can’t wait to see what he does when he’s part of the MCU.

Young Sherlock Holmes (1985): it’s funny, but looking back, I can probably trace any interest I have in Sherlock Holmes to this film and Basil the Great Mouse Detective. Anyway, this is a seminal film by any yardstick, featuring as it does one of (if not the) first example of a CGI character interacting in a real environment. But the end credit sting! The film’s Big Bad (Anthony Higgins), having somehow survived, checks himself into a hotel under the name of – you guessed it – Moriarty. This was, arguably, the first example of an end-credit scene teasing a future film! Setting up the Young Sherlock Holmes Extended Universe! Sadly it was a bit of a flop and they didn’t make any more.

Masters of the Universe (1987): Young Sherlock may have been interesting, but I’ll be honest, other people had to tell me who Moriarty was for me to understand the significance. The ending of Masters, however… well, it’s not quite as nuanced or revelatory, but the seemingly-dead Skeletor (Frank Langella) popping his head back up to yell at the camera “I’ll be back!” was a fantastic and exciting shock. We were guaranteed more He-Man! There’d be another film! There was not another film. Still cool, though.

A Bug’s Life (1998): I alluded to this earlier, and we’re only tenuously in “end-credit” land here (these scenes play over the credits, technically), but it still merits a mention. For A Bug’s Life was the film that began the (actually very short) Pixar tradition of showing us “outtakes” from the movie. And some of these first ones are among the best, with characters corpsing or forgetting their lines; subsequent films would lean more towards practical jokes and outright gaggery, whereas I personally prefer those that further the “it’s a movie being filmed” illusion. Anyway, the legend began here, not a sentence you can often say in relation to A Bug’s Life.

Frozen II (2019): in recent years Disney have made end-credit gags a tradition, and they’re pretty good at it. Moana’s fourth wall-breaking catchup with Tamatoa nearly made the list, but I’m giving the spot to Olaf. After recapping the plot of the first film earlier in the runtime, he’s now telling the story of the film you’ve just watched. The kicker? He’s telling the story to Marshmallow and the creepy little snow-brothers! From the first Frozen! And Frozen Fever! They’re at the ice palace, remember? It’s not only a funny bit, it’s also a nice nod to those kids (and their parents) who’ve mainlined anything Frozen-related for the past couple of years.

Winnie the Pooh (2011): a very underrated little gem, this; just so charming. One of the plot threads is the apparent disappearance of Christopher Robin, who leaves a note saying he’ll be “back soon”, but which is misread by stuffy know-it-all bird Owl, and leads to an amusing song of fright and alarm Pooh, Piglet and the gang all believe old Chrissie Rob has been abducted by a monster called a “Backson” (“They use their horns to put holes in your socks!”). Obviously this is a misunderstanding, it’s all resolved, happy endings all round. But then, at the end of the credits, who should rock up, but an actual Backson (who turns out to be very nice). What’s great about this, other than it just being a neat gag, is that it’s playing with the expectations of a young audience; it’s introducing them to a kind of comedic rug-pull. I can attest to the fact that nippers find it very entertaining.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2019): I’m a bit concerned about being too superheroic (I nearly had the Flash/Superman race from Justice League in here, actually, which I like because it’s one of the few moments in either version of that film where the characters act like the characters I know). I’m also wary of leaning into the whole “sequel tease” thing. But hey, this one’s fun; it feels like a sequel tease, another alternate version of Spider-Man voiced by a famous actor. Then it warps into the classic sixties Spider-Man, and references the whole “pointing” meme to boot. It has its cake and eats it, and it’s great.

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990): the Gremlins films are great at breaking the fourth wall and poking fun at themselves, and this is no exception. The great Daffy Duck – who introduced the film, and whose anarchic style is a great precursor to the Gremlins themselves – pops up several times to comment on how long and boring the credits are, before finally asking the audience, “Don’t you people have homes?”. There should be more Daffy in movies.

Shrek 2 (2004): there were a few things I could have included in this list: Crank’s 16-bit game homage is quite fun; the Ferris Bueller bathrobe bit is iconic, although personally I find Ferris so unappealing as a character that I wouldn’t want to include it. So we have Shrek 2, one of the first of a whole raft of CG animated films to have a funny scene at the end. And the reason I’ve included it is because, well, it’s quite weird. Basically you find out that Donkey and Dragon have had babies that are, er, half donkey and half dragon (“Look at our little mutant babies!” says Donkey). I mean. There are connotations here that I’d rather not mull over.

So there we are. Now I didn’t want to include this as it’s not really a scene, and if I’m just doing “funny things in the credits” then we’re going to get onto stuff like the Naked Gun movies and all sorts of other weirdness, but I do want to shout out to An American Werewolf in London’s “any resemblance to persons living, dead, or undead” legal disclaimer at the end of the credits.

#top ten #movies #films #end credit #post credit #mcu

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renaroo · 6 years

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Expecting the Best

Disclaimer: Red vs Blue and related characters are the property of Rooster Teeth. Pairings: Grimmons Warnings: Language, Canon-typical violence Rating: T Synopsis: [Reverse Big Bang Entry!] Grif and Simmons prepare for an award ceremony for themselves and the rest of the Reds and Blues, but those pesky expectations keep getting in the way.

A/N: An entry in on the wire! My apologies everyone, but I was having an absolute blast with this entry which I got to do with the amazingly talented @st-franz! And what better to add to the fandom at large than some Grimmons goodness?

Maybe he should have expected a little more.

As a mandate of sorts, Dexter Grif did not allow himself to carry many expectations. He hadn’t bothered to have any for himself, and he certainly hadn’t held any for the people around him. The day he was shipped out to Blood Gulch and was cementing his time with Red Team, that nonexistent bar had been perfectly place.

If he’d raised the bar, he was pretty sure they were readying to trip over it.

So Grif didn’t set expectations, didn’t raise himself to them, and he definitely didn’t exude confidence in them of any sort. Yet, when he looked in the mirror, and he wondered about whether or not there was enough of that monkey grease hair gel Donut had given him, if he’d be able to drop the look of utter shock from his face before he went out there and made an ass of all of them.

Probably not. He probably didn’t have it in him to be unsurprised anymore. Not even after negotiations and settlements and all sorts of other legal jargon that was being thrown their way before the day had come.

They were free.

And as a draftee, Grif meant that on all accounts.

Free of expectations, free of responsibilities, free of active duty, free of…

Free of duty.

It sounded so fake, even bouncing around inside his own skull. The more Grif looked at his war scarred face, the heavy bags under his eyes, and the mess that his hair was even as he smoothed it down with the gross monkey grease again and again. It wasn’t the face that had been drafted into a backwards, stalemated war. It wasn’t even the face that had stumbled into saving the humanity that was left after the Covenant was brought to a daw.

It was…

It was just him, looking like he had never expected the day to come where he was wearing stripes on his uniform.

In truth… he didn’t even know what the stripes meant.

Giving up on calming down his hair, Grif reached up to his uniform and felt over the stripes with his fingers, pressing hard so that the cool curves of the metal could be imprinted on his fingertips.

Recognition had never been a driving force for Grif. He wasn’t looking in life for promotions or handouts or anything. Again, those were expectations. Grif had none.

But there was something… strangely warm about the feeling he got looking at those stripes. There was something nice about knowing that in a few hours he would be standing in front of all the people in the galaxy who mattered, and a lot more who, to him, didn’t, getting ready to recognize those long ago earned markings.

If he was a sentimental man, which Grif really didn’t want to be, he might have had something profound in his mind at all that.

A speech? A toast?

Dexter Grif was a simple man, though, so instead of profundity or nonexistent resolution in his spirits, he waited until the bathroom door opened and he turned around to face his partner in crime and point at his stripes.

“Fucking finally, am I right?” he said sardonically.

Simmons — because of course it was going to be Simmons — stopped short and raised his eyebrows at Grif’s statement. But the surprise was momentary and he quickly returned to a near stoicism.

A near stoicism with an additional presence of sass.

“Do you mean finally I’m done taking up space in the bathroom or do you mean finally someone’s going to make me leave because I’ve been hogging up the bathroom?” Simmons asked dryly. He then moved forward, lightly pushing Grif out of the way as he got to the mirror. “Seriously, what’re you even doing in here? Putting your head in the sink? Your hair’s soaking wet!”

“It’s — no,” Grif scoffed at the very idea. “You know I don’t wash my hair before big events. It’ll just make it easier for sweat.”

“Which I still tell you is not how human bodies work, but go on,” Simmons replied, straightening his already pristine lines of a uniform.

it was only a few steps from infuriating how used to Simmonsisms that Grif was, he didn’t even bother to make fun of the uniform business.

“Seriously, Simmons, my hair’s not wet. It’s this stupid hair moose that Donut gave to me! It won’t keep my hair down no matter how much I add to it!” Grif explained, irritably running a hand through the slick but still distinctively standing hair. “Believe it or not, I actually don’t want to be a complete jackass at this event tonight.”

“Tonight? It’s in two hours,” Simmons scoffed. He then turned and looked at Grif, really looking at him. “Wait… are you nervous?”

“Pfft, no,” Grif said rotating his wrist candidly. “I’m the complete opposite of being nervous. I’m… bored. Everything about award ceremonies are boring.”

Simmons squinted at him. “Then you admit that the ending to A New Hope is boring and not as good as Empire?” he asked pointedly.

Scandalized, Grif put a hand over his chest and shook his head. “Did you hear me say that? No. Of course you didn’t hear me say that because saying that would be complete bullshit and against everything I’ve ever stood for as a soldier.”

“I’ve never seen you stand for anything,” Simmons needled further, a sly smirk growing at the corners of his mouth. He was definitely enjoying riling Grif up.

What a fucker.

“No, that award ceremony was great and you’re never going to ruin it for me,” Grif said firmly. “But everything is great with Star Wars and everything is crap in real life. So I can totally argue that this thing tonight—“

“In two hours.”

“—is boringly dead on arrival.” Crossing his arms, Grif glanced around Simmons, looking for anything to freshen him up or otherwise explain why he was in the bathroom but coming up with nothing. “Simmons, what’re you even doing here?”

“Besides moving you along for the sake of everyone who wants this thing to run smoothly and us to get discharged without further complaint from the UNSC?” Simmons asked sarcastically. He paused, eyes rolling up in thought, then he shrugged. “Actually, no, that’s pretty much it. Why?”

“Because I don’t see any confetti on you,” Grif replied in equal sarcasm.

Simmons’ brows knitted together. “Confetti? Grif, what the hell are you going on about?”

Letting out a fake gasp, Grif leaned back and away from Simmons in feigned horror. “Why, Simmons! Surely you’re not serious! You forgot the confetti?”

Though Simmons’ face put on a good front — all scowly and unimpressed — the red tinge to his ears and the general way he seemed to grow tense was giving Grif an entirely different story. “What confetti? You’re not making any sense!”

“Wow, Simmons, this really isn’t like you,” Grif continued to joke. “Don’t you remember? Back in the day, Sarge promised after the war was over I’d be a big war hero! Sarge’s going to drive the float, and you’re in charge of confetti!”

For a moment, Simmons seemed to doubt the entire structure of the universe as he knew it, but he quickly snapped back with, “You’re not a big war hero!”

“Uh, I did save you and everyone else a little big ago, or did you forget?” Grif pressed.

“You mean how you saved us after abandoning us on a mission to save the world?” Simmons asked. “Which was the only reason you weren’t captured alongside us?”

There was a twinge of guilt that Grif couldn’t help but flinch back from when he heard it, but he was then determined to see through the charade just for the accusation. True as it might’ve been in some people’s perspectives.

“Uh, yeah. What else would have made me a hero of this story?” he asked. “Seriously, Simmons, I’m going to be pretty disappointed if there’s not any confetti at this thing tonight.”

“It’s not tonight, it’s in two hours!” Simmons cried out.

“Well, then. You better get moving on that then,” Grif shrugged in return.

He might’ve been going a little too harsh, but Simmons more than anyone should have known about Grif that pushing him into a corner did not yield any expected results. So he shouldn’t have been too surprised to open his eyes and see the swinging of the bathroom door as Simmons headed out in a hurry.

“He… wouldn’t really be getting confetti…” Grif tried to reason with himself. He then snorted at the ridiculousness and shrugged. “Nah, Simmons knows me better than that.”

No one knew him as well as Simmons, and it didn’t exactly take knowing Grif well to know that he wasn’t a man who carried many expectations with him.

If Simmons had to narrow down all of his problems to a single entity, it would probably be overwhelming expectations.

It was something that he had been struggling with before he was even able to put it into terms. And it was something that was putting a stranglehold on him in that moment. But with an hour left before the big award ceremony that was supposed to put some relief to his gnawing feelings of anticipation and claustrophobia, he was in the passenger seat of a car with Agent Washington behind the wheel, taking him to the nearest supermarket.

Man, he hoped there was a confetti aisle in supermarkets.

“Can we move any faster through this traffic?” Simmons half whined, looking to Washington as the man simply stared ahead almost lazily.

“Yeah, let me turn on the propulsion system so this car can fly us above the traffic and take us to the local H-E-B,” Washington answered without even glancing toward Simmons.

Blinking in wide eyed surprise, Simmons tilted his head. “These models can do that?” he asked, his brain already working out the schematics for the vehicle they were in which could account for those additional systems and what mechanism would be responsible for making the transformation.

Washington’s eyes squinted slightly and he actually glanced Simmons’ way before refocusing on the road and traffic ahead. “This is a minivan. No.”

Despite his immediate disappointment, Simmons tried to keep himself from shrinking back into his seat and instead crossed his arms in aggravation. “Right, I didn’t think so. Really, I was testing you. I knew that… well, statistically, most minivans aren’t going to be awesome James Bond cars. Because most of them are Aston Martins and not… Nissans? This is a Nissan right?” Listing off car things was about the most stereotypical bro thing Simmons could manage to make himself do, and there was no denying that Agent Washington was totally going to respect the amount of faux bro that Simmons could pull off.

Or, at least, in Simmons’ ideal scenario that was the case.

Instead, reality served him with a bored looking former special operations agent driving a minivan with an unnatural amount of concentration on the road ahead of them.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t really know that much about cars,” Washington said almost thoughtfully.

Simmons then allowed himself to sink back into his carseat and look at the unending traffic ahead. A high pitched groan came from him almost accidentally as he saw what little progress they had made. “Do you know enough about cars to make them go faster?” he asked irritably.

“I know enough to obey the law,” Wash answered. “If you wanted a maniac behind the wheel, I seem to recall Carolina offering to drive you to the supermarket instead. You know. The person who got us a speeding ticket on the way to the auditorium.”

“I said faster, not deader,” Simmons argued, shifting in his seat. “Ugh, we only have fifty-five minutes.”

“Probably should have thought about that before you started demanding someone take you to the supermarket for…” Washington paused thoughtfully before glancing back to Simmons curiously. “Sorry, what are we going to the supermarket for again?”

“Confetti,” Simmons answered flatly.

Washington was already looking at the road again, nodding a bit to Simmons’ words probably before even fully hearing them. Then, as the words really made their impact, his brows furrowed and a frown teased at the corners of his mouth.

After a few sideways glances toward Simmons, Washington surprisingly put on the turn signal and began to pull off the road just as Simmons could utter any objections.

“What— Washington! We’re not at the store yet, and unless gravel is a substitute for non recyclable and incredibly wasteful plastics, I can’t imagine why we’d be getting confetti from the side of the road!” Simmons shouted at a tone that was high pitched even by his own ears. Which, of course, was truly saying something.

“I have learned to let a lot of truly strange and unusual tendencies from you guys fly over the years, usually against my better judgment,” Washington answered as he changed the gear into park. “But sometimes I get the good sense to question something that is unusual even for you guys and usually when that happens, I either listen to it or we end up getting shot by someone we stupidly trusted. The latter happens too much, so I’m going to question this time around.” He tilted his head slightly, looking at Simmons expectantly — as if expectation was the ingredient Simmons’ life needed added to its misery stew. “Simmons, why are we going to a store to get you confetti? And why can’t it wait until after the award ceremony that will try to make the past few years of ridiculousness mean something to our permanent records?”

Simmons blinked a few times in surprise. “Well, when you put it that way it sounds like no amount of confetti could really be enough to ;put some semblance of reason behind what we’ve been doing for, like, fifteen years now.”

“You see my confusion then,” Wash replied with a wave of his hand. “Seriously, though, what’s going on?”

“It’s…” Simmons trailed off before pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a long, heralding sigh. “Okay, you know how most of what we do doesn’t make any sense on Red Team but holds us to some loose interpretation of logic because of dumb conversations we’ve had?”

“Sure,” Washington said, apparently wanting to move past that point more than anything else.

“It’s one of those,” Simmons tried for subtly.

“Confetti has to do with some conversation you had ages ago that Red Team now wants to uphold,” Washington clarified.

“Not all of Red Team,” Simmons answered, feeling his face heat up for reasons utterly beyond him.

Washington kept staring at him for a good few minutes before he leaned back and began to reach for the gearshift. “So this is for Grif?”

“Ha! Grif Me doing favors for Grif. I mean. Why would you even make that assumption? That’s so weird! And not necessary! I mean, think of all the times I do really weird things for Donut! Or for Sarge! I can’t even make a proper list of all the weird things I’ve done for Sarge!” Simmons then added a rather awkward laugh. “Ah, Agent Washington. You… kidder.”

For a moment, Washington looked like he was just going to let the details pass by, but he shook his head and asked, “Does the confetti have glitter in it?”

“What? No,” Simmons answered.

“Does it explode on impact with something very specific and unhelpful, like banana peels?” Washington continued.

“What’re you talking about, of course it doesn’t!” Simmons scoffed.

“Hm, sure doesn’t sound like it’s for Donut or Sarge,” Washington answered easily.

Realizing his own folly, Simmons felt his face heat up even more. “I… Well. Don’t think that that makes you some kind of expert about Red Team! You.. you dirty Blue!”

The words were so flustered, even Simmons had a hard time listening to them.

Washington didn’t seem overly offended, however. “You good? That out of your system?” Wash pressed.

With a long and frankly disappointed sigh, Simmons eased back into his seat again. “Yeah. I guess.”

“Great, why does Grif want confetti?” Wash continued.

“It’s not that he wants it,” Simmons responded with a shrug of his shoulders. “It’s that it’s… well it’s something we talked about forever ago, and not getting it would basically be, like, admitting that I don’t expect us to be the same people we were all those ages ago back in Blood Gulch when we talked about nonsense and had all these… I don’t know, expectations for what the future was going to be. You know. Before everything was bad.”

Washington showed a bit of concern. “Are things bad now?” he asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” Simmons answered, glancing away from the intensity of Washington’s need for answers. “No? Yes? I don’t know. It’s just… Things are never the way we expected them to be.”

“What’d you and Grif expect them to be?” Washington asked. “And is confetti really going to make the difference on whether or not you’ll ever achieve it?”

“Maybe?” Simmons responded, worrying his lip. “I mean. It’s so hard to read Grif sometimes… It’s like he expects me to be some kind of mindreader and just… know him? Like, how am I supposed to live up to those kinds of expectations? Why can’t he ever just say what he actually means instead of asking for me to get confetti and then getting annoyed when I give him exactly what he said instead of exactly what he wanted?”

The silence that filled the minivan after the outburst was stifling and Simmons took it as an opportunity to sink so low that his shoulder blades were almost resting in the seat. He was certain that his uniform was misshapen and creased in ways that were totally unbecoming of an award ceremony, but the sudden rush of existential panic took over for the generalized anxiety in his bones.

Whether or not it was a worthwhile tradeoff had still not been determined by the time that Washington was pulling them back onto the road.

“We only have forty-five minutes to get confetti,” Simmons informed him before he looked up enough over the dashboard to see that Washington wasn’t merely pulling them back onto the road toward the supermarket but was crossing lanes to get them turned around completely. “Agent Washington!? What are you doing? We haven’t gotten the confetti!”

“Of course we’re not. You just said it yourself, it’s not about the confetti.” Washington answered. “So we’re heading back.”

“Why?” Simmons demanded.

“Because you need to get Grif exactly what he wants and not the thing he says he wants.” Washington said flatly. “Also so we’re not wasting either of our time or my money.”

Simmons scowled in return. “I would have paid for it!”

“You didn’t bring a wallet,” Washington answered. “There’s nothing in your back pockets.”

“I don’t like the way fabric feels against my ass when it’s being pulled taut!” Simmons cried out in defense.

“The rest of the world usually uses that as evidence that someone doesn’t have an ass,” Wash replied with a shrug.

“Hey!” Simmons protested, though he wasn’t entirely sure how else to counter the accusation. Instead he crossed his arms and glared at his driver. “Besides! Didn’t you hear me? The problem is I don’t know what Grif wants! That’s why he drives me crazy!”

“You know he doesn’t want the confetti,” Washington reminded him. “So I’d say the real problem here isn’t that you don’t know what Grif wants, but that you definitely know what you want. And you’re frustrated with Grif and yourself for not doing anything about it.”

Simmons stared at him, somewhat aghast. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you guys need to talk or something. Preferably after not making asses of all of us at the award ceremony or making it so that our honorable discharges are brought into question by… Basically all of humanity. It’d be stellar if we didn’t have either of those to contend with, honestly,” Washington replied.

At first, Simmons couldn’t even believe what he was hearing, he scoffed at the notion, turning in his seat to swivel away from Washington and his utterly ridiculous charges.

Obviously, the Freelancer had no idea what he was talking about. He and Grif were just fine. And no one was bringing unreasonable expectations to their situation. Definitely not Simmons himself.

It was so ridiculous that it was making Simmons’ entire face heat up once more, like a schoolyard misunderstanding between two kids who hadn’t learned how to talk to one another yet.

And then Simmons almost felt his heart stop.

Fortunately being partially cybernetic made that a relative impossibility even for his organic body parts so his heart kept chugging along even as Simmons’ voice got trapped in his throat in an excruciating manner.

Washington glanced over, seemingly concerned at the noises being made. “Simmons?”

“Oh my god,” Simmons gasped at last.

“See,” Washington said a bit eagerly. “Told you. I’m an expert at Reds and Blues now! I know exactly how you all think. And… Well, honestly, when I say it out loud like that it makes me think I’ve had some pretty regrettable choices in my life to get us here, actually.”

Simmons couldn’t even hear Washington as he continued to slowly sink into his seat much like his stomach was sinking through his person.

His carefully curated expectations for the evening suddenly and dramatically changed in a moment.

Grif might have, over the years, for reasons beyond him and definitely not within his control, allowed himself to have a single expectation. The kind of trapping that would ruin a man of lesser caliber.

Of course, Grif wasn’t really of any caliber, so the situation was just annoying the hell out of him more than it was trapping him in anything.

“Sarge!” he shouted over the stage despite the already mostly gathered audience surrounding their stage.

For maybe the first time since Grif had met the man, Sarge was dressed in completely proper order with the sort of rigid lines to his uniform that would have made every single one of Simmons’ ninety-nine problems absolutely jealous. He was also holding a rather dramatic pose with his cap under his stiffly held right arm and his forceful, toothy smile drawn back so tight his eyes were lost behind wrinkles. Even when he turned himself — as in his entire body so as to not take himself out of his stiff posture — he did not lose a bit of his smile, if anything it grew and his eyes were further lost in the clench. “Private Grif!” he shouted between clenched teeth in what was, ultimately, a rather impressive maneuver. “We are preparing for an award ceremony that you most certainly don’t deserve! All I ask is that you don’t ruin the most important part — the part that’s for me! Your esteemed leader!”

There were many, many opportunities to lampoon his commanding officer that Grif was passing up in the heat of the moment. “Yeah, honestly, don’t care, this is important.” But he then paused and allowed himself at least one response to Sarge’s mania. “Also? Totally a captain now. And it’s in the earned way, not in that whole stupid fake way you became a colonel. But that’s not important right now—“

Sarge’s smile dropped just enough to allow his right eyebrow to shoot up, exposing a bloodshot, unblinking eye at Grif. “The hell it’s not!!!” he shouted before coughing and immediately reestablishing his previous expression, if not scarier. “Goddammit, Grif! See what you’re doing? Making me lose my composure is what you’re doing!”

“Fuck composure!” Grif shouted. “Where the hell’s Simmons? It’s almost fifteen minutes ’til! And Simmons has never been less than forty-five minutes early for something in his entire life!”

“Aw,” Caboose cooed from behind Grif, making the Red jump in place before whirling around to face him. How someone so huge and so dumb could manage to constantly sneak up on other people was completely beyond Grif. “You’re worried about Simmons!”

“Ew, no,” Grif scoffed. “Worried about Simmons? Don’t be ridiculous, Caboose! I’m not worried about Simmons! Who would be worried about Simmons? Definitely not someone like me who was ready to attack Locus if he touched Simmons. That’s fucking ridiculous, Caboose! How could you even ask me something like that?”

Caboose blinked at him and shrugged. “Oh, my bad. Sorry. I thought that was why you were talking about Simmons. And why you always talk about Simmons. And why you always talk to Simmons. Usually about Simmons. Yeah. You’re very close.”

“No, not close!” Grif countered heatedly. “I’m asking about Simmons because I’m worried if he’s not here then we’ll never be discharged from the fucking military and I’ll be stuck doing this stuff with you idiots for the rest of my life!”

Sarge once again dropped his composure and whirled around to face Grif, a serious look on his face. “You mean if one of us accidentally screws the pooch today, that’s an option? Indefinite military solitude!? Well Laaahhhhhrrrrdddeeeee! Why didn’t someone say so!?”

“No! I’m not saying that! No one was saying that and no one would ever say that, except you,” Grif snapped. “I just don’t want this ceremony to be postponed for any reason!”

“But it can’t start before Simmons and Agent Washington come back!” Caboose cried out in concern. “They promised it would not take long! They said they’d come back and it would be because they had to be here for the thingie with the things and the scary people with frowns!”

Grif turned to Caboose with a bit of wonder. “Wait, Agent Washington is with Simmons? What the fuck is he thinking? Doesn’t he know the first rule of Reds and Blues? Going with a Freelancer always leads to problems! That’s why we always kick them over to Blue Team and make you all deal with them and your stupid team kills and backstabs and generally idiotic stuff. Like alien fucking.”

Caboose put a hand over his chest and grew a big, watery grin. “Grif! You are the reason for Blue Team always having new teammates!? I always get new friends because of you! Thank you, Grif! Oh, thank you!”

“I’m not responsible. If anyone’s responsible, it’s you and your constant team kills,” Grif snapped back.

A bit put off — more by Grif’s tone than anything else, most likely — Caboose tilted his head back and sniffed. “Well then! I will just be thanking myself for all my bestest friends! And you can stay with only having Simmons!”

“Good! All I need is Simmons anyway!” Grif snapped back, turning to march off and get to the bottom of the missing Simmons issue, but much to his aggravation, the moment he did so he ran face first into a uniformed chest. It was with enough force to nearly knock them both over, but they managed to save it.

“Hey! Watch it!” Simmons groaned. “Grif, can’t you at least bother to see where you’re going!”

“No, fuck you!” Grif retorted automatically before shaking his head profusely and really accepting the revelation. “Simmons! There you fucking are! What the hell were you doing, taking off right before this whole shindig? I was going to fucking haul you back! And disappearing with a Freelancer of all people! You’re lucky you weren’t killed and then had your body bombed by Mister Destructo himself!”

There was an uncomfortable cough that drew Grif’s attention to Simmons’ side where Agent Washington was standing.

“I’m right here,” Washington pointed out plainly.

“What do you want, a cookie?” Grif demanded in annoyance.

“Grif, I’m here,” Simmons answered, looking at Grif like he was imparting some kind of deeper meaning.

One that was far too deep for Grif to comprehend so he just looked at Simmons in annoyance. “Of course you are! The problem is you almost weren’t! Like what the fuck Simmons?”

“No, Grif! I mean… I’m here!” Simmons restated. “I’m… I’m trying to say… What I mean is…”

Grif squinted at Simmons, uncomprehending. Unsure what Simmons could ever mean by any of it. Which was super annoying since, well, for a man who had lived his life to that point priding himself on living without the burden of expectations, he had — for better or worse — allowed himself to experience one expectation above all of his stoicism and near nihilism.

And that single expectation, his road to certain ruin, was that no matter what happened going forward, he had Captain Dick Simmons there by his side.

“You finally decided to show up to the award ceremony that’s for everyone? Congratulations,” Grif responded thickly, scratching at his chin as he only then realized that he had not shaved despite all that wasted time in the bathroom. “Son of a…”

“No, you big idiot,” Simmons half laughed, a breathy, nasally noise that — no matter how many times he heard it — Grif never felt like he had heard enough. “I’m trying to say I’m here for you. Awards and stuff, sure, but I mean more generally… more… bigger… I’m always gonna be with you. On your side. All that stuff.”

Grif looked at Simmons, brows raising high toward his hairline.

“What? Like… metaphorically? You’re metaphorically showing up to the award ceremony from A New Hope which totally isn’t lame at all and now that we’re pretty close to it, being knighted as a space knight hero is pretty fucking rad?” Grif tried to clarify. “Because if that’s our takeaway I have to say — no fucking duh, and welcome to the right side of the Force. Which, we all agree, is the Gray Jedi.”

Simmons gave what had to be at least in the top ten of the universe’s largest eye rolls before coming forward. “Shut up, Grif.”

“You’re metaphorically here to tell me to shut up?” Grif continued only to be taken by complete surprise when Simmons surged forward and landed a kiss on his lips.

Blinking a few times, Grif wasn’t sure what to do, even as Simmons began to nervously back away. But before he was going to allow any of that, Grif reached forward, grabbing Simmons by the shoulders and bringing him into a deeper kiss, one that was beyond any sort of expectations.

The kind of thing that caused a dozen camera flashes all at once and earned some cheers and jeers from the other gathered award recipients.

“HA!” Sarge howled. “Kept the smile for the pictures! Hot dog!”

#RvB Reverse Big Bang #writing #rvb fic #Grimmons #Dexter Grif #Dick Simmons #Agent Washington #Colonel Sarge #Michael J Caboose

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adorye-blog · 6 years

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Title - Udoris Before

This is a fiction story set in the year 2034. This is not a prediction of the future. Please do not read this as such.

Chapter One

The year was 2034. Not much had changed since the year of 2018. Some minor adjustments here and there. Some new leaders, and remaining old leaders. *disclaimer this is not real* We managed to make a new type of energy. We created a chemical that was similar to chlorophyll and simply absorbed the sun far better than the solar panels. This posed a problem for other industries at first. There was some disputes but eventually because the chemical was easily made everyone caught on. So now you’re thinking ah yes everything was solved. Unfortunately not everything was not solved. Rebel groups still existed and still posed a threat to governments and people. Governments still posed various threats. Even citizens posed threats. One inventor was born in 2018 around this time, perhaps in the winter. He was definitely born in the winter, December if I recall. He now was 16 during this time and had inherited a considerable amount of money. During this time 2034 he and generally, all people who were young but old enough to think and implement vast ideas, decided to get into the hospitality industry. Something he loved to do. He had a very fun and care free life so naturally he wanted to impart that life on others. Because he was young and had money but not enough money to face any legal problems, he decided to make the resort a 100 percent safe. Now I’m sure you can imagine what that sounds like. Almost absolutely ridiculous. But he thought of every single thing that could be potentially harmful to the guests and eliminated it from the resort. I’m sure by now you’re probably wondering what he did about the use of bodily force. Well by now you can imagine the year 2034 not too many people were eating meat. There wasn’t very much food after the population grew to about 20 billion. They didn’t really catch onto population control. That being said, not too much food, not too much meat, paired with a lot of vitamins, enabled people to be healthy but not too strong that someone couldn’t have the ability to fend them off until help came through. All that being said he made all the food pre cut, and shipped to the resort. Everything coming in was on a, can bring list and can’t bring list. He had soft plastics that were impossible to be harmful to another person. I imagine now you are wondering what this resort would of looked like, shallow water pools, soft plastic chairs, nothing sharp, very strange I’m sure. The walls were also incredibly soft, more so like those foam beds you can sink into. I'm sure now you’re thinking that they must of felt like they were in a insane asylum. You might believe that, that’s what it looked like but no, the place was beautifully decorated and well designed. He spent a lot of money making this as well as the staff to keep everything in good shape and orderly. He brought in his families net work then, word caught on and this became a safe place for the rich. Can you imagine though, a bunch of wealthy people unable to hurt each other, just talking, some people even spent years there. The place was well organized let’s just say because the walls were so soft, you couldn’t really have sound waves travel too far. That being said that any yelling and debating that did go on didn’t really go past the room.

Chapter Two

These places became more popular, and branched across the world. Supposedly people happened to like a well run, silent, non harmful, peaceful place...believe it or not. He became very rich off of these endeavours. He decided to invest in other aspects. However every time he exited the walls of his resort he saw some sort of wrongful doing. He had an idea and to his much dismay would not be looked well upon the government. He attempted to make his own country, and instead of trying to scatter these resorts around the world. This didn’t work out the governments, no matter how much money him and his guests of his resorts threw at him didn’t really make much of a difference. The countries were set in stone they said, and they always ended the conversation with excuse me I have urgent matters to attend to. Some of these urgent matters were a war breaking out, the time was 2038 and tensions were rising. He didn’t understand why they didn’t want them to have a neutral peaceful country. Then it dawned on him who would fund their wars? He thought to himself this is a joke, an absolute joke, he rounded everyone up in a matter of a year, all the scientists, all the space people and said ok gentlemen we’re going to the MOON! Mars was having continuous and various experiments being done by the militaries, they were trying to build a proper colony. Something they couldn’t get right, they wanted to convert all the carbon monoxide that we exhaled and have a chamber that would transfer this into oxygen. One of our botanists had various plants that would be good enough for the amount of people we were bringing. The reason the governments didn’t resort to this, because in the rare chance the plants would die. So we started our journey, we didn’t have consent from the government so we just had a lift off. They didn’t threaten to take our flight down, because all the wealthy people that came with us threaten to make an economic nightmare. The governments didn’t have time to wage war with an economic nightmare so they simply just said I’ll see you when you run out of oxygen and food. They laughed to themselves of course. They knew it wouldn’t be long.

Chapter Three

Four years passed by and we were still on the moon, still happy as we were at the resort. We had a telecommunications device that could manage things from the moon. So technically we still had contact with Earth. By this time what we expected the war broke out into a mess. No one trusted each other and alliances changed only monthly, whenever this was their pleasing or advantage. This was a tragic time. Some of the people went back just to try and knock some sense into everyone. By this time, the rebels had taken over some of the countries government offices. This didn’t help peace agreements at all. Eventually because there was not enough of a normal environment to conduct business, most people stopped the flow of economics entirely. They were too afraid to go out of their houses, why would they, they had a technological garden in their home. They could 3D print any house hold appliance they needed and when the larger appliances that needed a company they just made due. The government ran out of money and workers. They tried to then force the residents to go to war but they just ended up joining the rebels shortly after. Let’s just say things were a complete mess. The world population went back down to 10 billion. There were no longer any governments remaining

“we have to go back to earth, we can’t spend our lives watching this destruction, we have to bring back the order we have to find ways to capture the rebels and bring our way of life to the people”

“It’s too dangerous”

“What are you going to wait for? Till there’s nothing left?”

“You’re right but we can’t do this alone, I’ll send word to mars there’s still soldiers there, this will be next to impossible but we will try.”

Chapter 4

Various space ships went back down to Earth and pin pointed the rebels whereabouts, they took them down. By this time the leaders had been taken out but there were the turned civilians. They resisted but we at least put them in confinement for the mean time. After this we held huge mass announcements.

“Residents of Earth, look what you’ve done, to your home, to the place that you held so dear, you have let mindless people, use mindless weapons to destroy all that you held dear. This is now what you think is best? Do you see that this is not a revolution but destruction. That you have dissolved the government and for years what have they done to make your lives better? There is no order, there is no grandeur. You have been caught between two lunatics. Fighting for something that in the end have destroyed. We’ve come back to pick up the pieces to your disillusioned dreams. We have been living peacefully on the Moon for years now we will help you build back your world and what is left of it.”

We brought out the robots for a short time. We asked everyone to remain in their houses for the time being, over the years we made self building and self directed robots. There was much debate about our concept of a harm free home, however they didn’t have anything at the time and this is all we knew. We built for a full year making dense cities. There was no point in spacing out the land because everything was mostly rubble. We figured we would make the earth habitable first. We connected these main cities with high speed transportation. Each city was respective of the cultures that used to be in place. The language was not lost, a lot of the artifacts were but so much was on the cloud that we brought back to life fake replicas, mostly holograms to stay in tact with our soft objects mandate. When the civilians came out of hiding while the main cities were being built, we then tore down all the half rubble homes. We let nature do the rest.

Chapter 5

A lot of people were traumatized by everything. Previous rebels were brought back to the societies after various years and were given a new home. We taught them a way of life. A lot of them, due to their rebel nature felt that having these few and condensed cities were great and all but they did not want to live here. They wanted to create architecture, live differently, have hard things back into their life. Not because they wanted to hurt each other but because they felt their freedoms were limited. Most the world outside of our condensed cities were nature. We enabled them to go, because we weren’t a governing body, we couldn’t hold them hostage to our cities either. We gave them a few supplies and told them you must not make weapons or we will no longer let you live there on your own. You still have technically committed crimes and therefore under the old laws would be imprisoned for a lengthy amount of time. So we are letting you be free to create not because we want you to start what you have done all over again. But simply because we are understanding of the circumstances that led you to do what you have done in the past. All that being said, we hope that you will not pose a threat to the peaceful cities we have created. If you do pose a threat, we will treat you as a threat.

#story #fiction #writer

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isabellelambert1975 · 7 years

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Where is gardening illegal?

Gardening illegal? Surely not!

But when I was recently ‘researching gardening’ (otherwise known as ‘wasting time’) online, I discovered that one of the common questions about gardening is ‘where is gardening illegal?’

I had to find out.

Fake news hits the world of gardening

We all know about fake news. Facebook and Twitter circulate reports of what Hillary, Trump, Corbyn and May have said or done in the past. It looks outrageous. People share the fake news without checking first.

You should check anything that looks particularly alarming with Snopes, a website set up to clarify online hoaxes and scams.

Is gardening illegal in New Zealand? Er…no!

The gardening world’s fake news item was that New Zealand had made gardening illegal. This started out as a joke thread on Reddit, not a deliberate attempt to mislead. It went viral.

So gardening is legal in New Zealand.

Local or area regulations

Many areas have local or area regulations, particularly if they’re new-build estates. These regulations are designed to make sure that people look after their properties. In Britain, you’re not allowed to have a garden shed in your front garden.

Technically, you also need planning permission to have a front garden fence higher than one metre, but I don’t think many councils bother with that.

There are also quite a few regulations around fences and hedges in the back garden.

Front gardens have more regulations than back gardens.

In the US, there are areas where you’re not allowed to grow vegetables in your front garden.

There’s a lot of online debate around this topic. Some gardeners sensibly point out that if you keep your front veggie patch well designed and tidy, then people are less likely to ask the authorities to stop you. If you share your fruit and veg with your neighbours, they may also support you. They may even start growing themselves.

You’ll find more rules around keeping animals. Once again, these seem more prevalent in the United States than elsewhere.

Are your hens legal?

But if you want to keep chickens, ducks, geese or goats, you might want to check your local regulations wherever you live.

In the US, some areas have tightened regulations in the past few years, making it illegal to keep chickens in a private garden.

The online opinion is that this is as a result of pressure from the big food companies who don’t want people to grow their own food.

Guerilla gardening

Tiptoeing out at night to plant your roundabouts and road verges with flowers and plants is illegal. Going onto and planting any land you do not own is illegal, in most countries in the world.

However, very few people have ever been prosecuted.

Councils are in a tricky situation because there are health and safety issues around people gardening on roundabouts at night. They can’t be seen to condone it.

It seems reasonably clear, however, that most authorities take a sensible and relaxed stance. If people enjoy the results and no damage is done, they turn a blind eye.

Street planting in France. Not by guerilla gardeners.

In Munich, Germany, guerilla gardening has now been legalised and you can apply for a permit. Does that spoil the fun?

Are you interested in becoming a guerilla gardener? Check out The Guerilla Gardener’s blog.

Or you could try something on a smaller scale. See The Pothole Gardener. He creates miniature gardens in potholes (on the pavement, not the road.)

Use of gardening equipment

There are loads of rules and regulations on when you can use noisy garden tools or have bonfires in many places all over the world. Ask your local council for yours.

Or wait till someone objects to what you’re doing.

Is it illegal to bury or burn a body in your garden?

Yes. We can be quite clear about this, wherever you live.

It’s odd that so many people ask the question online, though (according to search engines).

Is nude gardening illegal?

If your neighbours can see you pruning in the nude (in Britain), they can ask the police to arrest you for indecent exposure. Obviously, you’re more likely to be arrested for nude gardening in the front garden than the back garden.

In the back garden, your defence will rely (I think) on whether your neighbours had to climb into a very awkward position on the chimney and use a powerful zoom lens.

The World Naked Gardening Day is the first Saturday in May. It triggers off a lot of tabloid headlines and pictures of gardeners holding watering cans in strategic places.

Meanwhile, for the upmarket version, see the BBC’s coverage of World Naked Gardening Day at the Malvern Show here.

As I don’t personally celebrate WNGD, there are no photos for this bit. No pix for the ‘bury a body’ section, either.

Growing illegal substances

If it’s illegal to buy it, it’s illegal to grow it. In Britain, anyway. And most other places. You can grow cannabis in your garden in Uruguay, though.

The commercial growing of cannabis is about to be legalised in California. There are concerns that this is going to put old hippies out of business. Apparently, however, the old hippies merely remarked: ‘Oh, man, change happens.’

Oddly enough, however, you can buy books on Amazon about how to grow cannabis. I haven’t bought them, haven’t read them and haven’t tried growing illegal substances.

But I am an Amazon associate so if you click on this link and buy a book on cannabis growing, then I may get a small fee. Just to make all that clear.

Turmeric grown indoors under ‘marijuana lighting.’

Some friends of mine use cannabis-grower indoor lighting to get their seeds started early. It’s a great way to get your delphiniums going…

Are rhododendrons illegal?

There was a terrific hoo-ha in 2014 about a new EU directive about alien species. Reputable bodies, including the RHS and Horticulture Week, expressed concern that a blanket ban on invasive alien species could risk criminalising innocent gardeners.

Headlines in the press suggested you might be arrested for growing rhododendrons, even if they’d been in your garden since Victorian times.

This garden in Australia was planted in Victorian times. There are lots of rhododenrons – which are legal!

I asked the RHS what the position was now. They say that the EU has issued a list of alien species that are illegal to grow, buy or sell. But the EU has no plans for any retrospective action on gardeners. It’s not a blanket ban, but a specific list. Rhododendrons aren’t on it.

The EU have no plans to add rhododendrons. You can find the full detail here.

But you could be arrested for…

However, it is a criminal offence to ‘plant or cause to grow’ invasive plants on the list. It could attract a large fine or up to two years in prison. The list includes giant hogweed, Japanese knotweed and water hyacinth, plus a dozen or so other plants. But you won’t be arrested for just having them in the garden, provided you take steps to prevent them from spreading.

That’s about it, I think.

Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer, and this post is not legal advice. Consult a qualified lawyer if you need to know the law about a particular situation.

You may know other instances of gardening being illegal. Do let me know, if so!

And spread the word by sharing using the buttons below. Anything that gets people to check fake news before passing it on must be a good thing. Yes? Thank you!Save

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from The Middle-Sized Garden http://www.themiddlesizedgarden.co.uk/where-is-gardening-illegal/

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