#enjoy! I will be reading tags left on this and sobbing

[ask-sarah-and-co]

Wyvern touched down just outside of Rose Tower.

Sarah checked her phone as the four dismounted, 7:30. They were right on time, then.

She patted the aerodactyl. “Rest up, buddy. We’re headed elsewhere after the party!” He trilled back, as if to say that the flight didn’t wear him out at all, before she returned Wyvern to his pokeball. She checked the clock again, for good measure. 7:31.

“Why’re we so early?” Silver glanced over her shoulder and scowled at the time. (At least, she assumed it was the time. He could be scowling at her super cute wallpaper of Sparkle.)

His boyfriend rolled his eyes. “Common wedding courtesy is arriving 15 minutes before the set time.”

Silver exchanged a look with Hugh.

“The elevator to go up also takes a while.” Sarah’s eyes trailed up the tower, the very same one where many things happened 4 years ago. Or was it 3…? She could never remember.

“Well then,” Hugh lightly shoved the two guys in the direction of the entrance, “We’ve stalled enough out here. Let’s get going.”

— 💎— 🎸—

She fidgeted, tapping her foot as the elevator slowly moved upwards. Sarah could remember going up with Hop like it was yesterday. She glanced at the other three, still thinking to herself. Would Hop be there? Would Bede and Marnie?

Sarah thought again, probably not. Galar’s hero or not, Leon probably wouldn’t want Hop going. And Piers, Marnie. Would Bede even want to go?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. She glanced at Gladion, who gestured to the standing display that signified they were near the top of the tower.

“Brace yourselves.” Hugh looked at the other three somewhat seriously, but Sarah could see the excited twinkle in his eyes. “We don’t know what we’re in for.”

— 💎— 🎸—

The first sight was a green haired man standing in front of an elegant door. Was that door there 4 years ago? She still couldn’t remember.

“So. We meet again.” The man smiled at Sarah and her boyfriend. “Hugh,” He nodded and handed him a large, crisp envelope, “And… Sarah, right?”

She nodded, and he handed her an envelope too. Her full name was inked out in a rose gold script on the front. Just above Team Rocket’s R and Marco Cosmos’ emblems.

“N!” The girl studied the man who had (inadvertently) saved them from Ghetsis. “It’s been a while!”

“Indeed it has.” 

“Is your outfit based on-?”

“Reshiram?” He smiled, “It is.” N glanced at the other two. “Names?”

Silver only stared. “If you know them, then what’re you doing working here?!”

N only smiled. “Well, officially? Chairman Rose pays well. But if you truly must know,” His expression shifted to a more serious one, “I’m keeping an eye on Ghetsis.”

“He’s here?!” Hugh’s eyes widened.

N deliberately looked away. “You two. Names.”

“Gladion.”

“Silver.”

He handed them the envelopes. “Please read through everything. The seating chart is also in there.” He gestured beyond the doors, “The ceremony will take place straight ahead, soon. Sign the guest book along the way, if you have time.”

“But-”

N ignored Hugh’s protest, opening the doors and gesturing them inside. “Please enjoy the experience!”

— 💎— 🎸—

Sarah glanced around the “chapel,” which was just a large portion of the tower’s top floor walled off. The view of Wyndon at night was beautiful. At least the two villains had taste.

She glanced at the chairs set out, not too many. She then spotted a few people she recognized, “Leon!”

Sarah noticed that he was wearing his battle tower suit instead of his champion outfit while running over to him. She glanced back at the other three, who took their assigned seats, before tackling the champion.

“Sarah!” Leon hugged her, then ruffled her hair. “What’re you doing here?”

“I was invited! As one of Galar’s heroes, of course!” She looked around for Hop.

Leon chuckled, like he could tell what she was thinking. “Oh, I wouldn’t let Hop go. Him and the other two.” Leon shook his head, “I feel like they’re up to no good, Rose and Giovanni, but I know you’ll be alright. You’re a brilliant battler, at least!”

Sarah shrugged, “Figures.” She then looked at the other man standing with him.

“Ah, so this is the protégée you’ve been speaking of, Leon?”

Sarah excitedly grinned at the Kan-Joh champion. (She noted that he chose a simple suit with darker versions of the signature dragon-type colors.) “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Lance! My name’s Sarah!”

He extended his hand for a shake, which she eagerly returned, “You too, kiddo. Shame you fought the league while I was on vacation.”

“Oh yeah! I did.” Was that really 3 years ago? Or 2? “Karen’s pretty strong, though!”

“She is.”

— 💎— 🎸—

Sarah wandered back to her assigned seat, watching as guests arrived. A man, who looked like Rose, arrived with two girls- one she thought might be about her age. A man who had wild orange hair (was that the Lysandre guy from Kalos?) arrived with… Professor Sycamore? What was he doing here??

When Ghetsis arrived, she kept glancing at Hugh. He sent her a reassuring smile, as if to say, “Don’t worry, I won’t make a scene. But I still hate him.”

Giovanni’s executives arrived together. She couldn’t remember any of their names except Proton’s, who sent her a friendly wave which she returned.

She stopped really paying attention when a portal shimmered open from the floor, which Cyrus stepped out of. He took a seat, but the ghost of a chain on his ankle still shimmered in the air.

A few other people arrived, but she didn’t fully recognize them. Maybe they were from other universes, haha.

To the left of the altar, she and the others sat with Leon, Lance, and some of the people she didn’t know.

Everyone took their seats at 8:15, as the executives moved to the front. Proton stood with the blue haired guy on the left, the purple haired guy and the red haired woman on the right. (From her appearance, and the way Silver kept glaring at her, Sarah guessed that she was his mother.)

When the lights dimmed, she snapped out of her thoughts.

— 💎— 🎸—

Giovanni walked down the aisle (pre-decorated with rose petals) in a black suit and a red tie, done in Rose’s signature style.

He was soon followed by Oleana, who stood behind him. Was she really qualified to be the priest?

When Rose walked down the aisle, his suit a brilliant white and his tie matching his fiancée’s, she barely spared a glance at him. Neither did her friends. They stared at the woman walking him down the aisle. Her dress was a pale yellow with splotches of color shimmering at the bottom, and her blonde hair styled back elegantly. She walked him up to the altar, and sat down next to Cyrus.

Lusamine smiled at her niece and her son, turning back to the altar when Oleana cleared her throat.

— 💎— 🎸—

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Galar’s own Chairman Rose Azalea, and Kanto’s Giovanni Rocket.” People clapped politely, which Oleana silenced with a dramatic hand flourish.

“Gio.” Rose smiled, “We’ve known each other for quite some time…”

The chairman kept talking, but Sarah zoned out. She wondered what moments of her life led up to this moment. She really should have just not come.

Giovanni started speaking, but she didn’t listen to that either. Hugh could probably just tell her what they- oh wait, no. He was too busy glaring at Ghetsis behind her back.

When Oleana started talking again, she tuned back in.

— 💎— 🎸—

“-Rose, do you take Giovanni for your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

“I do.”

“Giovanni, do you take Rose for your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

“I do.”

Oleana nodded. “The rings?” Everyone turned as Giovanni’s persian confidently walked down the aisle, a pillow with the rings in his mouth, before sitting at Lusamine’s feet. (Because of course he did.)

The two each took one and placed them on each other’s hands.

Oleana smiled as she stepped to the side, “Now you may kiss the groom.”

— 💎— 🎸—

“Cocktail hour sucks.” Silver scowled at no one in particular, “We can’t even drink.”

“These hors d’oeuvres are good, at least.” Sarah plopped down her plate, which had a bunch of deviled eggs, cheese cubes, and a few sausages.

Hugh shook his head, “The limit was two per-”

“Pffft.” She popped a cheese into her mouth, “It’s the least Rose can do.”

Gladion chuckled, “Sarah-”

“Shhh, wait. This is the best part of Galarian weddings.”

They turned to the center of the room, where the center of the floor sunk in and revealed a battle court.

Giovanni and Rose walked towards the center, where they sent out their nidoking and copperajah respectively.

“What are they-”

“Part of the Galarian tradition is that the couple has their first battle at the reception!”

They kept watching as the two pokemon exchanged blows, but copperajah eventually fell.

Rose healed his pokemon as someone passed Giovanni a microphone.

Silver smirked. “Heh. Looks like it’s the Kantonian part of the wedding, then.”

“Huh-”

“My dear guests,” Giovanni grinned at everyone seated, “Let the battles commence. Whoever beats me and my husband the swiftest shall receive a… reward we’ll say.”

Sarah glanced at Hugh. “You wanna-?”

“You didn’t even have to ask.” They grinned and exchanged a fist bump.

Gladion grinned at his boyfriend, “Guess that means-”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Silver’s smile didn’t match his tone.

— 💎— 🎸—

Sarah grinned while watching the two girls fight. One had a tyrantrum and the other a sylveon. She couldn’t help but feel bad- based on type matchups alone, they were screwed. The thought must’ve jinxed something, because the second she turned back to the court, both pokemon were being returned.

“Ooh, that means it’s our turn!”

Hugh grinned in return, “We mop the floor with ‘em?”

“You know it!”

— 💎— 🎸—

“Sparkle!” Sarah then did a weird… gesture? Dance? Giovanni and Rose exchanged a look, eyes widening when energy shimmered around her. “Extreme Evoboost!”

Her eevee channeled the Z-Power, and a blue aura shimmered around her.

“Bouffalant, Psych Up!” The bovine copied Sparkle’s double omni boost.

“But that shouldn’t be possible-”

Sarah grinned proudly. “Cobalion taught him! My Cobalion!”

Giovani chuckled to himself. “Of course they did. Nidoking, Megahorn. Target the eevee.”

“Copperajah, Iron Head! Follow nidoking.”

“Sparkle, use Freezy Frost on nidoking!”

“Bouffalant, hit copperajah with your strongest Close Combat!”

— 💎— 🎸—

The two plopped back down at the table.

“That must’ve been record timing!”

The duo turned to Silver, who showed the timer on his phone- 5 minutes. “And most of that was just me dancing!”

“Speaking of time,” Silver turned to Gladion with a scowl. “Hurry up.”

“I’ve gotta pick the right disk.”

“They don’t share any weaknesses.”

“Ooh, water might be good. Resists steel.”

“Hah!” Gladion plucked the blue disk from his case, “Knew I could count on you, cuz.”

— 💎— 🎸—

“Think they’ll beat them?”

“I think they’ll take out nidoking, but I don’t know what they’ll do against Coppera-”

“Silvally, use Flamethrower!”

“Weavile, Brick Break!”

“…I stand corrected.”

— 💎— 🎸—

“Congratulations, Sarah. And your boyfriend too.” Rose handed her a 300P gift card for Smoliv Garden.

“…Thanks Rose.” She pocketed it.

“That’s Chairman Rose to you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” She grinned, “Thanks Rose.”

She watched as Rose and Giovanni left the room. Likely for pictures. She checked her phone again, 10:25. Dinner was at 11. There was still a while to hang out…

— 💎— 🎸—

“Sarah.” A voice called out to her, and also patted her shoulder.

She looked up from her arms and very eloquently blinked at Hugh. “Huh.”

“Dinner.”

“It’s 11?”

“Yup. You fell asleep.”

She shook herself awake, still disoriented. “Did the others-”

“Yeah, they’re already in the dining hall.”

“Alrighty then, let’s go!”

— 💎— 🎸—

“…Serving Kantonian and Galarian food is a weird choice.”

“You’re telling me.”

Sarah and Hugh sat with the others, each picking up a menu. 

“Wow. They’re really going for legit stuff.”

Sarah’s eyes widened, “This is like, four separate caterers!”

“You gonna get ramen?” Gladion glanced at his cousin, who was going down the menu. 

“Probably.”

Gladion nodded, “Figures. I think I’ll do the same.”

“Might try the curry.” Hugh smiled at his girlfriend, “Won’t be as good as yours, though.”

She grinned proudly as Silver rolled his eyes.

“Think I’ll get seafood.”

Sarah skimmed the seafood menu. She then shook her head, she was never fond of fish and was allergic to shellfish. There was no point in even looking. About to flip back, the small logo in the corner caught her eye. She smiled slightly to herself as she realized that the caterer was the same resteraunt as the one he’d taken her and Sonia years ago.

They typed their orders into the screen on the table.

— 💎— 🎸—

When the lights dimmed and the couple strutted through the doors, sitting at the head table, Sarah knew they would start droning on again.

“My dear guests. I thank you all-”

She was close to putting her head down and falling asleep again, but decided to just zone out. She snapped back to reality when she saw Lance (who also seemed to be zoning out) peek up out of the corner of her eye.

“-and a thank you to our special guests: Champion Leon, Champion Lance, and Champion Sarah! Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to be here and celebrate with us!”

The three looked at each other from their respective tables, before all three grinned awkwardly at the polite applause.

“And to that, I toast you my friends!” He raised his glass of champagne and everyone followed suit. (The minors only had water in their glasses, but still obliged.)

“Cheers!”

— 💎— 🎸—

Sarah wolfed down her food when it was served.

“I didn’t starve you, did I, dear?” The other three turned to Lusamine, while Sarah kept slurping.

“She’s just like this, Mother.” Gladion frowned, “Now tell us what you’re doing here.”

She only laughed, “Rose has been a dear friend of mine for forever. Not attending his own wedding would be quite rude, especially after he attended mine.”

Before anyone could reply, Sarah dug into her bag, pulling out the envelope and two luxury balls.

“Since you’re going to the gift table, could you put these there for me?”

“I’m regretting the pokemon-as-a-gift decision,” Silver frowned. “How do we know they won’t mistreat them?”

Sarah shook her head emphatically. “They seem alright. And they’re definitely not those two.” She jerked a thumb in the direction of Cyrus and Ghetsis.

Lusamine nodded in agreement, took the three objects, and walked away.

Hugh shook his head, “What was even in that envelope anyways-”

“A check for like, a billion P, probably.” Gladion frowned as Sarah nodded.

Silver only shook his head. “Rich people.”

— 💎— 🎸—

The night commenced with dancing. A lot of dancing.

Sarah wasn’t big on dancing, but even she was dragged on the floor for one slow dance.

The finale of the event happened as the walls lowered into the floor, making the space open once again. The windowed part of the roof opened up and a corviknight taxi flew in. The couple boarded it, calling out “Arrivederci!” and “Bon voyage!” as they showered rose petals and flew off.

Sarah glanced up at the sight, “Is it finally over??”

— 💎— 🎸—

They stalled for a bit, but soon everyone cleared out. Sarah and Hugh also changed, handing their clothes back over to the Aethers. 

The quartet stood outside Rose Tower, “…Guess this is goodbye.” Hugh sadly looked at his two friends, as Sarah moved to the side slightly. They needed their own moment.

“Blueberry’s not gonna be the same without you.” Gladion smiled sadly, as Silver nodded.

“Now we might actually have to hang out with Drayton for company.” Silver mimed throwing up, as the other two chuckled.

Gladion and Silver glanced at each other, before each exchanged an arm. Hugh hugged them both tight.

Sarah smiled slightly when Hugh and Gladion extended arms to her too. The four hugged for a while, knowing that breaking apart would mean they were closer to separating.

When they separated, they stood awkwardly.

“…I’m gonna miss you, Gladdy.” She hugged him tight, which he quickly returned. 

“I’ll miss you too. I’m… I’m glad we got to spend time together this summer.”

“Me too, cuz. Me too.” If she blinked back tears, that was between her and her eyes.

“You sure you don’t need Wyvern?”

“No. We’re going back with Mother via the flying taxi.”

“And you have everything?” 

He nodded.

“Okay.” She turned to Silver, “It was nice meeting you.” She smiled genuinely at him, “You’re good for Gladdy. Thanks for keeping him company.”

He blushed and turned away, but still muttered a thank you. He awkwardly patted her on the back, too.

“Well, you guys should get going.” Hugh frowned slightly.

“Yeah… Aunt Lusamine’s waiting for you.”

They glanced back at the corviknight taxi, like they both forgot she was there.

“Right.”

“Well,” They both started jogging backwards. “Arrivederci. Or whatever.” Silver grinned.

“Well keep in touch. Promise.” Gladion and Silver fully turned and ran to the taxi.

Gladion, Silver, and Lusamine waved from the taxi as it disappeared into the night.

— 💎— 🎸—

“Sarah. Wait.” Hugh placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her from running off.

She turned to him, confused.

“I, uh.” He took out his love ball and released applin, also taking out the tart apple she’d given him months ago. “I- We talked it over.” He gestured between himself and applin, “He’s ready.”

Sarah let out an excited gasp, cupping both his hands with her own. “Really?”

He nodded, and applin trilled in agreement.

“Consider it a… a salud to new adventures, yeah?” She nodded excitedly.

Applin touched the apple and they were surrounded in a blue glow.

Flapple filed around their heads, as they each gave him a pet. Hugh returned him to his pokeball, and pocketed it.

Sarah tackled her boyfriend in a hug, “Dawww, you getting all romantic on me, Hugh?”

He laughed, “Are you tearing up again?”

“No,” She wiped her face, “I got, uh, apple. In my eye. Yeah.”

He laughed again, cupping her face. “C’mere, you dork.”

She pulled him close, kissing him.

They pulled apart, noses touching.

“You ready for whatever’s next?”

His smile was soft, “Anything.”

Prologue fin.

— 💎— 🎸—

Cameos:

Sean from @tallgrassghosts Meg and Kyo from @askthewhiterocket and finally, @kuixotic’s Cooper! (he didn’t have a blog specified lol)

Thank you for letting me grab your chars! Hope I didn’t butcher the back of their heads too bad hehe.

#READ THESE TAGS FOR MOD NOTES !!! #thank you all SO MUCH for sticking with me! I hope you’re alright/were fine with reading over 3k words… but it’s a fitting ending! #next thing is the event with Luna next month! I also have something planned for the blogs one year anniversary on the 30th! #also might post smth on my bday? (4/13) but it won’t be canon bc Sarah will have smth on hers (the same date but in universe) #you’ll see everyone again where this left off in May! (unless the event is extended lol) #ik it took me almost a year to slug through the prologue. but the plot will ramp up soon! promise ;) #pokeask #pokemon ask blog #Sarah Adamu #Hugh Iroai #Silver Sora #Gladion Aether #Prelude- Alolan Vacation #Mini Arc I- Wedding #I’m not tagging all the chars. sob #hope yall enjoyed this… I learned so much abt weddings for it akndknank

[chastiefoul]

stood up pt. 2

characters: alhaitham & ayato

read part one here!

a/n: cannot thank u all of you enough for how well-received the first fic was, hope you can enjoy the second part just as much!! also i hope you can forgive my limited knowledge of flora (and the things i made up) on haitham's part!!

tags: comfort / summary: wallowed in guilt, how will they make it up to you?

Alhaitham

“You look like shit,” Kaveh commented nonchalantly, as if currently watching some character on a show. “Shut it,” Alhaitham replied, having zero intention in dealing with his roomate. It has been a week since he finished his research, but relief didn’t wash over him at all, it was the same day as he had cruelly stood you up, making you wait for three whole hours before he finally came. There were a lot of upsetting feelings he’s been experiencing through for the past few days, but lately he felt giving his past self a good punch for forgetting such an important day. In a way too he had blamed the research that’s been occupying him. Although he quickly perished that thought, since it’d be too easy—blaming something other than himself. When in fact he is wholly at fault for forgetting the date.

Everyday Alhaitham had been coming to your house, wanting to talk to you but what always greet him was your roomate, telling him that you’re busy. Feeling like he had no right to push it further, he left it at that. With clenched fists and a pang on his chest everytime, he was forced to go home. Today he was at his wits’ end, he had no idea what to do and how would he make you to meet him even for a second. Other than forgiveness that he’s looking for, he missed you terribly. With all the times he could’ve spent with you taken by the damn research, he longed to embrace you, to see your smile, and listen to you rambling about what’s been happening in your life.

Alhaitham wasn’t really one to be experienced in ‘love’, he knew that, you knew that. That’s why he loved your patience in guiding him through this thing, but now the only person that would be able to tell him what to do was the very one person he couldn’t talk to. Alhaitham groaned, thinking if you were in his position you’d probably know to do—scratch that. If it’s you, Alhaitham was sure that you wouldn’t even allow yourself to do such a careless act.

☘

“He’s here again,” your roomate claimed, seeing him from the window. “Just tell him the same thing,” you said, hugging your knees as you sat on the couch. It's true that Alhaitham looked horrible, but you weren’t any better. You’ve been crying yourself to sleep every night, it especially hurt, when you had to hold back the sobs over a pillow that your throat hurts; since you didn’t want to disturb your roomate. What happened that day was like a slap to the face, that you were forced to recognize a fact that perhaps you love Alhaitham way more that he loves you.

Your rommate just nodded to what you say and went to the door. Not long she came back bearing a message. “He said he’d wait for you outside until you feel like talking to him.”

“Just leave him be then, I’m sure he’d go back soon, it’s especially cold outside today.” You said, really having no idea just how stubborn the gray-haired male is going to act. “Well, just keep an eye out.” Your roomate went back to her room. Tell that to him. You thought. You turned the television on to distract yourself, but you couldn’t help but peek outside the window every few minutes, to see if he’s still there. And he always was.

And that went for more than an hour, until you felt like you couldn’t do it anymore. You were mad at him, but you’re not heartless. You couldn’t be. However you didn’t intend to forgive him so easily, you told yourself that you were only meeting him to send him home and to not come back everyday.

You approach the front door and opened it.

There he stood, with an hand behind his back. When he saw you, his eyes lit up, but it quickly turns into a look of concern and guilt mixes, seeing your swollen eyes.

“What do you want?” You curtly said, taking a good look of the man in front of you who’s in terrible shape. His complexion doesn’t look good, there are bags under his eyes, he hasn’t been taking care of himself at all. A part of your chest twinge at the fact that not being able to see you was the cause of all this. You weren’t used to seeing Alhaitham so all over the place, when he always showed a perfect picture of a man who got it all together.

“I’m sorry,” He quickly cut to the chase, afraid that you’ll be out of his sight yet again as he revealed a purple hyacinth, handing it to you. The flower that represented regret and remorse. Then he continued meekly, “Of course, I don’t expect you to forgive me with one lousy flower, but I hope you will believe me when I said I truly regret that I had forgotten about our date, it seethes me with terrible anger to remember that I let myself be so caught up in my business, resulting you had to stand in the snow for hours; hours of you thinking of the reason why I didn’t come, and hours of doubting my feelings towards you. It must’ve felt terrible, I am so sorry.” His voice was close to trembling, however he knew to hold it in, since the one who should be upset was you. “I understand if me being in your vision may infuriate you, but please, please don’t shut me out.” He pleaded, it’s the most vulnerable expression you’ve ever seen on him that it tugs on your heartstrings.

Of course the truth is you missed him as much as he does, but you had to be sure of his feelings towards you. And seeing him now yet again after many failed attempts of meeting you over the days with a flower you didn’t even know where it came from since every field should be covered in snow and a heartfelt all-over-the-place apology, you couldn’t help but soften up. You reached to take the flower. “Come in, let’s talk inside.”

You both sat on the couch, your right hand went to rub his cheek. It was incredibly cold. “What were you thinking, standing in the cold like that? What if I hadn’t come out?” You mumbled gently. “It was nothing compared to what I put you through, I would’ve wait even for days.” He frowned as you leaned in to your touch, putting his hand atop of yours. Oh how he missed this. However he didn’t indulge on the touch thinking it was forgiveness, it’s just because you were that kind.

“You really hurt me,” you started, as he listened. “I had been looking forward to the date for days and then seeing you late looking like you just barely woke up—it made think that maybe you didn’t love me as much.” Your voice sounded so small as you reached the end of your sentence. Alhaitham felt pricks on his heart at the confession, swiftly pulling you into a tight hug. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He kissed your temple. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. But I can assure you that was not the case. I was so caught up on my research that I mixed up the date of our meeting, though that’s not an excuse for such a careless act.” He paused.

“(y/n), I love you very much.”

Alhaitham was really having trouble telling you just how much he loves you. If you’d asked, he would wait on the cold for days until you’re ready to talk to him, even today he thought that it was okay if it was only a second, he had to see you, to know you’re doing fine and well, that was what he thought the most important thing. Just the way he kissed you so gently at the top of your head, you thought that you had a grasp as to how much he loves you. “Thank you for letting me see you,” he smiled, he cupped your face planting kisses on each of your swollen eyelids.

“Promise me you’ll make up for it, haitham,” you said softly. A chance. Alhaitham felt an unexplainable tingle feeling on his chest, “I promise.” He then said kissing you gently on the lips, as he made a mental note to always, always pick you up at your place for the dates that are more to come.

☘

“The flowers? I.. went to Tighnari first thing in the morning, I asked him about the language of the flowers and what they meant. I came across it as I read a book, fortunately I could find the one I was looking for.” He explained, strangely bashful.

Flower picking? On this weather?

“But where did you even get it, isn’t everything either covered in snow or had withered already?” You asked genuinely curious. “Well Tighnari said there would be some on the cliffs of The Chasm, so I went there.” He said.

Cliff? The Chasm? That terribly dangerous place? Of course it’d be nothing for Alhaitham, you thought. But still, traveling that far and so quickly just for a flower.. you couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you, I like it.” You smiled, the one where it made Alhaitham’s inside all tingly and warm. At this he felt like he really could do anything, as long as you were the one who asked for it. “Tell me what kind of flower you want on our next date, I’ll definitely bring it to you.” He took your hand, trailing little kisses along your fingertips to your wrist. Your stomach fluttered. You really do love him.

As if lesson was strictly learned, from that day forward Alhaitham had never once made you wait anywhere anymore at all. He's always ready in front of your door, sometimes with a flower, sometimes with something that you'd nonchalantly said the day before; for instance a food you were craving for, a necklace that you stared a second longer than the other that were on display, or even a stuffed toy you mentioned was cute even though you only said it to make a conversation.

Before, Alhaitham usually passive, most times always being the receiving end by your spoiling, but it was because he didn't want to take initiative, he just didn't understand how. Now, he understood just how delightful it was to see his loved one smile because of the things he did, and he only had you to thank for that.

Ayato

“My lord?” Thoma’s voice snapped the blue-haired male train of thoughts. “Ah, yes just leave the tea there Thoma.” He said. “Did something happen, my lord? You’ve been pretty out of it all week.”

“I’m fine, you can return to your duty,” Ayato calmly said. The blond housekeeper only nodded and went out, understanding very well that it was futile to probe any further. Ayato looked blankly at the unattended pile of papers he needed to take care of, he hasn’t been working well—or even at all. Since everytime his mind would wander off to you, to your meek voice that day telling him that you were tired, with a tone so hurt his heart couldn’t help but ache. This regret, this remorse; he wondered if he even had any right to feel them? When even to this day he unconsciously stilll waited for you to barge in to the estate, wanted to see you smile happily while greeting him without a care in the world. But that didn’t happen, of course it didn’t.

Ayato shut his eyes with an unpleasant expression for the nth time that day, remembering the date he had forgotten. For how long you were waiting for him? What were you thinking while waiting for him on such a harsh weather? What was it that finally made you give up? All these questions swirled inside his mind as he couldn’t even imagine how terrible you must’ve felt that day. Ayato was a formidable man, he was responsible and someone with a strong conviction, it was what the political people said at least. But he knew you’d laugh, if you hear it. Responsible? That Ayato? Who made his lover wait for him out in the cold for hours?

He didn’t even realize he’s been clenching his fist until he saw the crinkled paper scattered across his desk. Why the hell did I forget such an important day? He fumed, gritting his teeth. But the truth was he had no excuse, he had simply forgotten, perhaps he could blame the endless meeting he had to go through, but even then he was the one who made the promise that he could come. The guilt overwhelmed him, he hoped it would just swallowed him alive, but it wouldn’t be fair to you. He considered calling one of his soldier to try and punch him in the face so he could feel a little free from the binding shame, but only to realize the person who even had the right to do that was none other than you. So Ayato was determined that he’d do anything to beg for your forgiveness.

But more than forgiveness, he’s been worried about your health. He thought that if you hadn’t forgiven him, at least you could be well and healthy, though it was extremely hypocritical to say since he was the one who made you sick in the first place. Ayato stood up, planning to go to your place yet again even though his work was piling up, there are meetings that are waiting to be attended. But at the moment it was clear to him that nothing else matters except seeing you.

☘

This was truly the worst.

Lying down with a fever with nothing to do, surrounded with nothing but unpleasant thoughts roaming around your mind. You blinked the tears away once again as they keep coming occasionally, remembering that day.

You sighed, your head was throbbing and you couldn’t really sleep as you just woke up an hour ago.

As if on cue, a familiar voice called out from the door. “(y/n)?” Ayato called out. Another tired sigh escaped. Does this man not know how to take a hint? You’ve been driving him away for the past few days, his face was the one thing you couldn’t stand to see.

“Please (y/n) open the door, even just for a few second.” His voice was now strained, laced with desperation and plead. You got up all wobbly from the headache, body still feeling sluggish. “What?” You said, frowning.

Seeing your condition Ayato’s expression contorted into utter displeasure, as if you being this way had hurt him too. What a joke, you almost laughed out loud. He looked like he wanted to say something based of how he gaped and closed his mouth like a fish, still finding the right words to say.

“Your few seconds are up,” you said, already on your way to closing your door. “No, no, please.” He hold the door, and of course with your condition and his ridiculous strength, there’s no way you would win that one. “Can I come in?” He finally said. “Why?” You said, leaning on the doorframe intending to look intimidating as you crossed your arm, but really you needed the support to stand up straight on your currently weak body. This didn’t go unnoticed by the sword-wielder of course as the worried expression deepened across his face. “Please, sweetheart let’s talk inside, I’m worried you’ll faint any minute with your condition.” You let off his slip of a tongue, too tired to reprimand him on that. And honestly you wanted nothing more than to return to your bed but you still had something to say. “Worried?” You laughed mockingly, and Ayato had never felt smaller. “Yes.” Still, he managed to say. “Would’ve been nice if you were worried when I was waiting for you in the snow for hours.” That one stings, and Ayato knew he deserved that.

Too tired to chase him away, you just return to your bed and inside your blanket. Ayato just stood awkwardly near the bed. “Have you been taking medicine? How is your head? Would I be allowed to check your temperature? What do you want to-“

“Ayato.” Your tone was chilling, felt like a definite warning—Ayato knew, it was a warning. Right now he doesn’t have any right, there are other matters he should be groveling to take responsibility of, he thought.

“Will you be willing to listen to me?” He kneeled beside the bed, putting his hand on the edge of it, hesitating whether he should touch your hand or not. Your back was still facing him, but you were quiet. Assuming that it was a permission, Ayato continued to talk.

“First of all, I apologize. I couldn’t even begin to tell you how I regret my action, that you had to stand there alone waiting for me—who stupidly didn’t even remember, I apologize.” He whispered, his voice was weak. “No, even way before that the way you always come to the estate to visit me and stood by my side no matter how crazy my work got and how I never thought how it would take a toll on you, I truly truly apologize.” You felt a little part of your heart melted at how meek his voice was.

“I took your unconditional kindness and patience for granted,” he said. There was silence after that, “you did,” you finally said. “I’m sorry.” Ayato repeated once again. He then very hesitantly grabbed your hand, and as soon as he saw that you gave the okay he brought it to his face, kissing your palm very lovingly. You turned your head to him as you were lying down, he looked disheveled.

“Don’t go to the estate anymore.” The blue-haired male announced suddenly, your stomach dropped as he quickly continued.

“From now on I’ll come to you.”

You blinked. “I’ll make sure to be here every day, greeting you first thing in the morning.” Ayato smiled, determined. He was sure on his decision to do this. “As of now, I know very well I don’t deserve your kindness, so I’ll try hard to do better, to do my best, for you.”

Your heart softened at his words.

“Can you please give me this chance?” He was desperate. Your anger slowly dissipated, a warm light like a candle flickered inside your chest, a hope. “Okay.” Ayato was over the moon hearing the response, that he couldn’t help but kiss your temple. Your stomach fluttered, it knew you missed his touch. “For now can I ask you to eat and take medicine?” He asked while gently tucking your hair behind your ear. You nodded, as he got everything ready. He ended up beside you all day, taking care of your needs.

☘

Since that day Ayato did not break his promise even once. Always coming in the morning, sometimes with gift on his hand, other times with breakfast all ready. Then he shared his schedule with you for the day, and even then he’d always be the one to visit you when he was free, showering you with such overwhelming love. It was clear that the man love you very very much, and now he didn’t let you forget that.

“Ayato, thank you.” You said, on a random night. He just looked at you, adoration was apparent on his expression. “Anything for you, love. I mean it, anything.” He kissed your lips gently, the nightfall continued comfortably.

TAGLIST- <3

@sunsethw4 @ieathairs @96jnie @kipper-s @nambii @tigerpriestess @bearbae4 @wearetherealarmb @squishychongyun @jokerloverparis @katsudonnnnnni @dr3amyxiao @xiamuyi @luningningtala @fuyaa @goldenglow149 @xiaosmaskandspear @acheeseblock @fishsticksonballsacks @rokosbasalisk @stellakito @roguexmoriartea @sageseagrass @irisxiel @lowotad @trecedelabuenasuerte @the-dreaming-city @lilliansstuff @cinaiel @bunny-slvt @orginiallyann @chaotickio @n1tsumi @kunikuzushisbeloved @ilovemarvel99 @lunaizhere @optimisticalmondbananabiscuit @kurohoely @larisanam @chaotichearts-19 @illdoitagainbopbop @mzia642 @childesglove @justgiulia @celestialwinds @traumaramacenter @kazuhaprnt @fou56 @angelkazusstuff @itsyourgirlria @yamtwt @gel0517

i can't seem to tag some of you guys, perhaps it's something to do on the accoun't settings? regardless hope you can still find this fic and thank you all for the interest <3

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin impact x you #genshin fanfic #genshin fluff #genshin impact x reader #genshin x you #ayato x you #ayato x y/n #ayato fluff #ayato x reader #ayato imagines #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x you #al haitham x reader

[vivalabunbun]

On the complexities of relationships and words

Summary: For two people that love to read, words seem like a complex. 

Word Count: 13k (yeah... this is slow burn, might want to get a drink and snack)

Tags: Alhaitham x Fem!Reader, Slow Burn, Smut(r18+), NSFW, MDNI, Fluff, Angst kind heavy?, Modern AU, Omegaverse AU, A/B/O relationships, slow fic, marriage, arranged pairing, dubcon, themes about not liking yourself, TW: gender dysphoria (you don’t like your secondary gender), TW: Very vague and brief mentions to possible past domestic trauma, Jealous!alhaitham, slight yandere!alhaitham, mutual pining, miscommunication, breeding, biting, ruts, Alpha!alhaitham, Beta!reader. You agreed to the pairing due to tax benefits. A lot of references to literature. 

Authors note: This is my first attempt at slow burn and yeah... I got carried away. I want to explore how slow alhaitham would open up and how love can come from the mind instead of the heart. Enjoy.

Side Note: here is a little dabble 

Love, an emotion that sets the heart on fire. An all-consuming emotion that feels as if one was falling off a cliff while also being embraced tight by the treads of fate. The emotion that’s only separated by a thin line from madness. Or at least, that is how it’s been described to you through books and movies. 

With love being the inspiration for so many poets, artists, and heroes throughout all of history, it comes as no surprise that you found yourself curious about it. It started out innocently, you would listen to the latest romantic ballads from the wandering travelers along the streets of Sumeru. In the nation of wisdom, books were plentiful yet you found your teenage self buying certain novels from Inazuma. Then came the films from Fontaine which you’d spend a week’s worth of pocket money on. 

What first began from your childish curiosity became a hidden infatuation. You wanted to feel those emotions described in those songs, books, and movies. So you began your journey to seek it out. Your first relationship filled you with a certain rush, an excitement to finally experience a scene from those novels you loved… but you were only left with disappointment. 

Kisses felt bland, holding hands felt awkward after too long, and eye contact uncomfortable. There were no lingering thoughts that kept you up at night, no pink haze of pinning, nor a spark that set your chest ablaze. The breakup didn’t come as a surprise, and even so, it didn’t leave you with those gut-wrenching heartbroken sobs into the pillow as you’ve seen in the movies. Just disappointment. 

Perhaps it's because you were basing your expectations on relationships you can never experience. Those songs, those books, those movies? They were all about the bond felt between Alphas and Omegas. 

The maddening ruts and needy heat that left your cheeks flushed when you read about them. The touching gestures of scenting, the descriptions of the additive aroma of their beloved, their fated mate. The marking that proclaimed to the world their undying love. You’ll never experience that… since you’ve presented as a Beta. 

The worker ants of society, the largest class sandwiched between Alphas and Omegas, the extras in their movies. The category of society that can neither produce nor reciprocate pheromones, the population that lived in mediocrity in the eyes of romantics. 

Of course, love was possible for Betas, after all in a population that makes up the majority, there will always be the few that find ‘true love’. But that’s an advanced scholarly topic up for debate, with the societal consensus being that it’s the lowest tier of love. All pairings with Betas belonged in this tier. 

Alpha-Alpha, Omega-Omega, and at the very top of the tier list of ‘true love’ was the Alpha-Omega pairing. After all, love scientifically is created by chemical bonds in the brain with oxytocin, the love hormone. Pheromones kicked the production of oxytocin into overdrive, creating an addiction that makes a person long for their lovers every hour of the day. The chemicals that create the fire of romance you once wished upon shooting stars for. 

Thankfully with time, as you matured into an adult you resigned yourself to your fate. You found solstice in your one advantage as a Beta over any Alpha or Omega: True independence. Free from the chains that are primal desires brought on by pheromones, your head was clear, decisions not dependent on the fever that was love. 

You had given up on searching for love, hey, if you set the bar on the ground then there was less risk of being let down. So that’s why you agreed to your parents’ suggestion of an arranged pairing. To be matched to a life partner by a matchmaker.

--

“Eh? Isn’t that practice kinda outdated?” Dehya questioned. 

“Don’t the city folk use the akasha system, using genetics for compatibility or something?” Your Alpha friend carefully tucked away her compact mirror. 

“Actually, I think that’s really romantic! The traditional way matches you by personality and lifestyle compatibility.” Nilou grasped your hands, wishing you luck. 

“I agree, old fashioned doesn’t mean it's ineffective. It’s still very much practiced in Aaru Village.” Candace sent a slight side-eye to your other Alpha friend across the table. 

--

Perhaps your Alpha and Omega friends were trying to cheer you on, but frankly, they didn’t need to. The next day when you met with the older woman, you went through the process with a sense of boredom. When answering the matchmaker's question, you stated you just wanted a life partner that was honest, loyal, and respected your individuality. 

Next, the matchmaker asked about your interests, you recalled all the literature you used to consume during your obsession with love, and embarrassed by your fruitless past endeavors you answered books.  

“What kind of life do you seek, my dear?” Her wrinkly hands intertwined as she leaned on the table. 

“A peaceful, quiet life.” 

And that was it. She wrote down your responses with a bejeweled quill pen, handwriting beautiful and neat as if she were penning down a poem for you. You were free to go home. Walking down the streets of Sumeru, the dusk birds singing to their lovers, you didn’t even wonder about the Beta she was going to pair you with. You had a full day of work tomorrow, what you really wanted was a full night's rest. 

--

So a month later, you couldn’t hide the bewilderment on your face as you stood in front of a tall Alpha, the partner the matchmaker had deemed a good fit. From his piercing teal orange eyes to his sliver hair to his towering physique, everything about him was the picture-perfect definition of an Alpha. 

‘Alhaitham’ was his name, and you must admit it fit him quite well. His face remained unchanged even after his mesmerizing eyes passed over your form quickly. You couldn’t read the lack of expression on his face, was it disinterest? Indifference? Boredom? 

A part of you wanted to take your parents to the side and whisper in their ears that the matchmaker was a quack. Who in their right mind matches an Alpha with a Beta? Before you could do so, the matchmaker lead your parents out of the room, giving the two of you some privacy to get acclimated. A heavy silence hung in the air as your bodies stood a respectable distance apart, deciding to break the silence you first stated the obvious. 

“I’m not an Omega.” 

“I’m aware.” His deep voice sent a small shiver down your spine. Even his voice was beautiful. 

“I don’t have any pheromone, meaning I can’t bond.” You glanced up at him. 

“I never listed it as a requirement.” 

His answers only seemed to confuse you further, perhaps he didn’t think this through all the way. Sure, the matchmaker revealed that both of you wanted peaceful lives, liked books, and believed firmly in one’s individuality. But there was a massive sumpter beast in the room as the saying goes. 

“Aren’t you worried about… that time of the year…”  

For the first time, his eyes met yours, you quickly shifted your eyes away. 

“Are you referring to ruts? Medicine has advanced quite a bit, there are now inhibitors that can regulate pheromones and ruts. Not that you would know, of course.” He huffed out. 

You couldn’t stop your eyebrow from twitching in annoyance. Ah, he’s also got that Alpha ego. You were still confused, from the look on your face he quickly deduced it as well. 

“I dislike disruptions to my life. Primal desires are just disruptions. To put it bluntly, you as a Beta don’t release pheromones nor go into bouts of unsuppressed lust. Significantly reducing the risk of interrupting my time. You value individuality and are very independent, you’re very unlikely to bother me with trivial matters. All these factors add up to a peaceful, quiet life. Simple isn’t it?” 

When he laid out all the reasons so clearly on the table, it’s hard to not note the truth, Alhaitham is a weird Alpha. Perhaps that’s why his grandmother enlisted the help of a matchmaker in her will. 

After that day, you took home a folder full of documentation on him. Under the golden light of your desk lamp, you sorted through the information in front of you. He had no criminal record, he owns his own house close to the city, and he held a stable job with a very attractive salary. 

You ponder the decision for about a week, weighing the pros and cons. Marriages in Sumeru are often encouraged with sizable tax deductions, more money in your own pocket. Employees with spouses have an easier time requesting paid time off, more money in your pocket and less work. He lacked any familial attachments, meaning no in-laws to deal with. One extra point for being very easy on the eyes too. 

You ultimately signed your name on the marriage documents at the city hall, right next to his emulate penmanship. Right there under the fluorescent lights of the government office, the two of you recited your vows. The only other people in the room were your parents and the clerk filing the paperwork.

Within the next few months, you’ve carried the boxes filled with your belongings from your cramped apartment into his spacious house. Your old light novels and romantic collection of poems are now placed on a bookshelf adjacent to his. Bright and artistic covers contrasting against bland academic journals. Of course, there was no honeymoon, no break from your regular work schedules. There was no reason to. 

--

In the first year of your marriage, you viewed him with suspicious eyes. You valued loyalty in a life partner and even though he stated he dislike pheromones and primal urges, he was still an Alpha with such natural responses. Yet, you observed that he came home every day at 5:30 pm on the dot, not a single hair out of place nor a single crease on the collar of his button-downs. 

You found him to be a decent housemate, calm, quiet, and respectful of your space. Chores were divided equally between the two of you, making the shared living space organized and dust free. Of course, he was only human thus he also had some flaws. 

Sometimes your foot would knock against a stack of books he had left on the floor near the numerous bookshelves throughout the house. Or how you noticed your shampoo and conditioner bottles emptying at an alarming rate, does he not know how expensive haircare is? 

Alhaitham deemed you a good fit for a life partner. You weren’t disruptive nor dependent on him in any aspect. You spent your own money responsibly, a diligent person who followed a set work routine without needing any reminders. 

You would alternate responsibilities for dinner, but he found your food more flavorful. You threw together ingredients with no regard for measurements, only going off what felt right, compared to his style of calculating the precise amount a ‘pinch’ was. 

Of course, it’s expected that you’ve got some quirks that made him tsk internally. It was small insignificant things. Like how sometimes he would find strands of your hair left in the shower drain. Or how you often tuck his books back into the nearest shelf, not caring about if the genres matched or not. 

“I commend your artistry. However, a mural made from your hair on the shower wall is unnecessary.” 

“You’ve got shorter hair than me, how are you using double the product?”        

“It’s all due to your perception, I’m not using any more product than you.”

“Oh?~ Then I guess the hair on the wall is all just your perception too.”

When living with another person there will always be bumps that needed to be smoothed out. But overall, life was peaceful and quiet just how the two of you liked it. 

--

Alhaitham was Alhaitham, and you were you. Two independent individuals only connected by paper and law. Perhaps the only couple-like aspect of your relationship was sharing the same bed. Of course, this was done only out of necessity. 

The only other room in the house with a bed was the guest room, even so, there was still an imbalance. The mattress was much smaller and firm when compared to the grand bed in the master bedroom. 

He didn’t snore and neither did you, you didn’t toss and turn in your sleep and neither did he. With two separate blankets, he deemed that sharing a bed with you wouldn’t cause any disturbance to his sleep. You two had more than enough money to afford another bed, but just the thought of rearranging the furniture to accommodate it was too bothersome for the both of you. There was more than enough room on the bed for two bodies to sleep without ever touching. 

No loud passionate fights nor lingering glances and maddening touches. Just the calm lull of normalcy. But you were satisfied. 

By your second year with him, you’ve gotten acquainted with the nuances in his manner of speech. In particular, his sarcastic quips that you’d return with vivacity. 

“Mmm, I appreciate the attempt. But I’d rather my books be sorted by subject rather than by instinct.” 

“There’s faster ways to collect my life insurance than by getting me to trip over a book, Haitham.” 

During this year, the two of you also began to use more familiar terms to address each other. Instead of your name, he’d simply call you wife, and you shortened his name. Husband and ‘Haitham’ had the same amount of letters anyways. 

When the date of your courthouse wedding came around, nothing happened. 

No flowers, no shiny gifts of jewels, not even a sweet dessert. After all, he found it silly to spend so much effort on a singular day instead of placing that enthusiasm into every regular day of life.

Birthdays shared the same sentiment, you’d be invited out by your group of friends to a celebration planned by Nilou, while Alhaitham would stay at home with his books. 

--

“Happy birthday.” You placed a cup of freshly brewed coffee down in front of him. 

“Thank you.” Besides your statement, there was nothing out of the ordinary. 

“Hopefully I’m one year closer to collecting your pension.” 

  Alhaitham has to admit he does enjoy your sardonic humor, but you’d never be able to tell just by looking at him. He took a sip of his coffee, by year two you finally learned how not to scald the coffee grounds when doing a pour-over.

Life continued on, and the two of you were still like parallel lines traveling in the same direction side by side and separately. 

It’s now the third year of your marriage. You were currently busy in the kitchen, Alhaitham had just informed you earlier there’d be guests coming over tonight. Fortunately, it’s a Friday which meant you had a half day at work. Quickly purchasing ingredients from street vendors on your way back. 

He never had any guests over before, so you assumed that these guests must be important people from work. 

You even made sure not to use spices that were too fragrant, just in case any of the guests were extremely sensitive to smells, as Alhaitham had informed you they were all Alphas. Tachin was a rather simple but delicious dish to make. You also picked fresh ingredients that would make a very quick and satisfying salad. 

Your husband didn’t particularly like soup, but he doesn’t have the right to be picky when you’re the one rushing to cook enough food for five people, so minty bean soup will be on the table. He had a collection of wines in a separate room, you’ll leave the wine selection up to him. 

Just as you finished setting the plates and dishes on the table the chime of the doorbell went off. Wiping off your hands and taking off your apron, doing a quick once-over in the hallway mirror before answering the door. 

“O-oh… You’re a… Beta…” 

The blond Alpha in front of you had a look of bewilderment across his handsome features. Rudy eyes peering down at you in astonishment as you maintained a polite face. 

“Oof-” 

An elbow was jabbed into the blond’s side as a shorter dark-haired man signaled for him to shut up. 

“Thank you for having us over for dinner.” His friendly face gave you a smile. 

“Welcome.” You invited all the men in. 

  The bewildered blond at the door’s name was Kaveh, the dark-haired man was Tighnari, and the white-haired man with the intense gaze was Cyno. 

You familiarized yourself with their names, and from time to time you felt their eyes passing glances over at you as they made small talk. Alhaitham was currently picking out a few bottles of wine. 

“So, you’re actually his wife… Ah! Of course, it’s no fault of yours. I’m just shocked he’s actually married, I thought he was bluffing when he said he had a wife. There were no signs… Ugh! Great, I owe drinks now.” Kaveh sighed, face in his hands. 

“Alhaitham doesn’t want others knowing too much about him. But the proof is right in front of our eyes.” Cyno leaned his elbows on the table. 

Ah, it makes sense that people at his work wouldn’t know about you. There weren’t even rings to distinguish the relationship. Usually, relationships nowadays were sensed through the presence of pheromones on the bodies of lovers. However, you were a Beta with no pheromones to cling onto his person. There’s not the slightest chance he ever talked about you. The two of you were also never seen in public together, so in the eyes of many Alhaitham is still a bachelor. There was a slight churn in your stomach, was the soup upsetting it?

“Gossiping about me while sitting in my house and right in front of my wife?” 

Alhaitham’s deep voice mysteriously made the knot in your stomach go away, or maybe it was the way he referred to you, ‘my wife’. He placed the bottles of wine and glasses on the table. 

“It’s nothing major. We’re just surprised someone is willing enough to stand your arrogance.” Kaveh crossed his arms. 

“Unwed people should not have any comments on other’s relationships.” 

“Hey! Why you-”

“Huh…” You pondered out loud. 

The attention of the men in the room was all on you now. 

“Oh, pardon my interruption. I guess I’m just in awe that my husband has friends.” 

In an instant laughter ripped through the air. 

“Bwahahaha! Alhaitham, I like your wife already! Ahahaha!” Kaveh was laughing so hard tears were forming in his eyes. 

Tighnari had one hand gripping the table and the other covering his mouth as he tried desperately to suppress his snickers, ultimately unsuccessfully.  

“Well, I’m not sure if friends is the ‘correct’ term.” Cyno’s voice was steady, but you could see the small shakes of his shoulders. 

“I’m beginning to wonder if inviting guests to the house was the right decision.” 

--

Still, the dinner continued and the drinks started to pour. After your statement from earlier, the atmosphere at the table became more lighthearted aided by the help of alcohol. 

“So, what’s the occasion?” You asked as you took a sip out of your glass. 

“Huh? Alhaitham! How did you not tell your wife about your promotion?” Kaveh nearly spat out his wine. 

 “There’s no reason to dampen her mood with bad tidings.” 

“Bad?!-” You wondered if the blond’s voice could shatter the glass in your hands. 

“Keeping your cards close to your chest, even from your wife.” Cyno side-eyed your husband. 

“Not at all. Not that the unwed head lawyer would need to know.” 

“Tsk.” The tan Alpha crossed his arms. 

“Now, now just because he didn’t tell his wife doesn’t mean Alhaitham’s a bad husband.” Tighnari tried to dispel the tension while also landing a subtle jab. 

“Mmm, congratulations, Haitham.” You swirled your wine. 

“Thank you.” Your husband replied. 

The three Alphas looked at each other, eyes sending silent messages. They must find your marriage to the ashen-hair Alpha strange. Alpha-Beta pairings were already against convention, but it seems like the two of you matched each other's pace. Two weird people found each other. 

--

After dinner was finished and you bid goodbye to the guests at the front door. 

“Be grateful you stone-faced brat… Your wife’s got... too good to be stuck with your stale…” 

The two shorter men carrying the blabbering blond off your front steps. 

“He’s quite the lightweight.” You briefly mentioned while over the sink.

 “I’m just grateful there’s still wine left. Go rest, I’ll get the dishes.” His larger frame takes up the space at the sink, silently encouraging you to move away. 

So you left clean-up duty to him, a fair trade for making you cook a feast so out of the blue. As you stood under the warm water pouring over your body in the shower, your mind began to replay the conversations over dinner. They made you realize just how little you actually knew about your own husband despite living under the same roof for three going on four years now. 

Once he stepped foot outside of your shared space he was practically a stranger. What was his job like? Who were his friends? What were his favorite places? Hell, even in your house, he was still a stranger. What books is he reading now? When does he find time to work out? What does he do when you leave the house? This realization made you shiver, as you turned the knob to increase the temperature of the water.

 It wouldn’t hurt to try and get to know him a little better. 

One Sunday morning, you walked into the living room greeted by the sight of him reading one of your old light novels. Seeing his large hand hold the bright book, decorated with a pair of lovers embracing, while his eyes studied the text like his academic papers was almost comical… If only you didn’t wish to sink through the floor in humiliation. He must’ve lost interest in his own books, or maybe he’d gone through his whole collection. 

Either way, to prevent such an occurrence from happening again, you began to pick up some books for your husband on your way home. 

‘Metaphysics’, ‘Epistemology’, ‘Quantum Mechanics’: those seemed like topics that’d interest him, you reasoned as you stood in line to purchase them. Your eyes caught sight of a certain book, ‘le rouge et le noir’, on a whim you decided to add it to the stack of heavy books. Not for your husband, but rather for yourself. 

That night you handed the books over to him as he was about to go to his favorite reading spot on the couch. 

“What’s this for?” He stared at the stack of thick books in your hands. 

“Just passed by a bookstore and figured you might need something new to read.” You gestured for him to take them. 

“You didn’t have to go out of your way to gift this to me. Thank you, I shall read them.” His low voice indifferent as always, finally taking the weight out of your hands. 

You proceeded to move over to the smaller sofa in the living room and plopped down. Pulling out the book you had purchased earlier, you glanced up at him eyes questioning why he was staring. Alhaitham cracked open one of the academic journals you gifted him and averted his teal gaze. 

This was a break from your normal routine, but you felt like it’d be a nice change to get back into reading. It also gives you the opportunity to learn more about Alhaitham by spending more time in his presence. But more importantly, it would allow you to keep an eye on your husband to ensure he doesn’t go snooping through your bookshelf again. Maybe you should just donate them, but no library in Sumeru would ever accept them.

Soon that break from routine became the norm. Every night after the kitchen table was cleared, dishes cleaned, and bodies freshly towel dried you and Alhaitham will sit adjacent to each other enjoying quiet reading time. The soft light from the tall floor lamps and soft flicks of turning pages adding to the ambiance of the room. 

From time to time, you can hear the sound of him writing some sentences down on a notepad. So he likes to take notes on the books he reads. You learned something new. 

Another new fact you gained from your observations of your husband was that he reads fast, really fast. He had already finished all three books before you were even halfway done with yours. You had to act fast lest his teal eyes begin to wander towards your bookshelf again. So, you found yourself back at the bookstore once more. Picking up any thick academic journals on topics ranging from ancient ruins to the newest peer-reviewed breakthroughs.

Maybe you should also pick up some notepads and sticky notes, you saw how thin the pad had gotten last night. It just so happened that the romance section was right by the shelves of stationeries. The book from Fontaine you had bought on a whim was in your opinion more psychological than romantic. However, the romantic elements present seems to have reignited your interest in the romance genre. 

Oh well, you were grown enough now to not be so easily swooned by poetic descriptions of love. You picked the first book whose description piqued your interest and added it to the basket. 

One of the first lessons taught to the children of Sumeru was to be cautious when putting out campfires. If not killed correctly, the unseen smoke can make fallen leaves catch fire. A small flame grows into a hellish blaze that consumes whole acres of forest. 

--

   “Thank you very much. Again, this isn’t necessary.” Alhaitham still took the books out of your hands. 

The small notepad on top of the stack caught his attention, his teal eyes looked into yours with a questioning glance. 

“Your notepad’s running out, and there was a sale.” 

“I see.” 

From time to time during your quiet reading session, you would glance up, a part of you hoping to see Alhaitham use the new stationery you’ve just bought him. A frown tugged at your lips when you saw he had set it to the side in favor of his old, thinning notepad. Maybe the color isn’t to his liking. 

You continue to buy stationeries for him. Any fancy notepads or post-its that caught your eye at a store, every time you give them to him, he would thank you. Then proceed to never use them. Perhaps, the ones you got were too fancy? He seemed to like simple and practical items. Next time you got plainer ones, just simple squares of plain paper, he still left them untouched. 

Maybe, you needed to find higher-quality ones. But if he didn’t like them then why does he keep accepting them? Should you try your luck with pens instead, he does go through quite a few. Ah, the sentiment from the very first time you met him still rang true to this day. Alhaitham is a weird Alpha. 

He was an enigma to you. 

You were an enigma to him. 

Alhaitham wasn’t sure when it started, but his mind grew curious about you. Perhaps it’s because he read through his collection of books, or maybe because things at work have been dull lately. Thus, he deduced it was only logical that you started to pique this interest in a bored mind. You lived in the same house and slept in the same bed. With you constantly being in close proximity, of course, he will want to learn more about you after more than three years together. 

One of the best ways to start studying you would be to start with your bookshelf. Alhaitham vaguely remembers you saying that you were interested in books, yet in all these years in the same space he hasn’t ever seen you touch your own shelf. What a pity, he could’ve used the extra space for his own books. Running a finger along the row of books, stopping on a random one he made his decision. 

--

Your taste in literature is, how should he put it, very different from his own preferences. The descriptions of the actions taken by the Alpha main character and his Omega lover were idiotic, to say the least. The lengthy declarations of the love and affection they held for each other, and the sentences riddled with exaggerations and rhetoric. The romance between the characters was the priority of the novel, thus the plot suffered greatly from it. 

In his opinion, the book was a mess. Yet, he didn’t once feel as if he had wasted his time. Alhaitham discovered a new side to you, is this the type of novel that interests you even as a Beta? The soft taps of your feet suddenly paused as it rounded the corner into the living room. Alhaitham looked up to see a tense look on your face as you stared at the novel currently in his hands. 

No words were exchanged between the two of you as you continued to stare, looking at the book then back at him. It was only for a minute at most, yet it felt a lot longer before you turned on your heels without so much as a word. It was brief, but Alhaitham thinks he saw the tips of your ears flush. Oh, did he stumble upon a guilty pleasure of yours? 

His actions must have been the cause of this deviation from routine, Alhaitham concluded while staring at the stack of books presented to him. Even on birthdays and holidays, gifts weren’t regularly exchanged between the two of you, so this was certainly a surprise. You were looking at him with eyes urging him to take the heavy books from your hands. He couldn’t refuse the offer. 

What came next was even more of a surprise, you sat on the usually empty sofa and pulled out a book of your own. The cover was different from the ones lining your bookshelf, the colors were much simpler, he also notes that the book comes from Fontaine. You were quiet and focused on your own novel, it didn’t cause any disruptions to his sacred reading time so he didn’t say anything about it. 

Soon your curled form on the sofa became a regular sight to see. Every now and then you’d readjust your position, trying to find a comfortable way to hold your book while also relaxing. Alhaitham subconsciously scribbles down brief notes on the book he holds in his other hand. Yet this time when he looked down, he had recorded this small detail about you on the paper. He felt your eyes glancing over as he swiftly crossed out what he had just written. 

A few days later you gifted him more books along with a new notepad. Now there's an unequal exchange happening. You have now gifted him many items, and he has yet to give you anything in return besides a simple ‘thanks’. What should he give you? Alhaitham pondered the question for a bit. 

He realizes that he doesn’t have a firm grasp on your likes and dislikes. Should he try books? No, he’s not familiar enough with your taste in literature to confidently gift a book you’d enjoy. If there was something that you liked, you’d just buy it right then and there with no hesitation with your own money. He thought about it a bit longer. 

When you came home from a particularly tiring day of work you’d often have a small take-out bag in your hands. The frown on your face would melt away the moment you pulled the padisarah pudding from the bag. Alhaitham opened his eyes, he has found the gift to give you. But from which cafe did you get that dessert? 

--

“Oh?” You looked at the padisarah pudding currently on the kitchen table. 

“It’s for you.” Alhaitham didn’t look up from his book. 

“Thank you. Actually, I have something for you as well.” You began to dig through your bag. 

Alhaitham glanced up to see you present him a new notepad and a stack of stick notes, the green paper embossed with gold detailing. He hasn’t even touched the first notepad you had gifted with a pen, and here you were giving him another. Now the current gift balance is even more off. 

You took your first spoonful of the pudding, his teal eyes secretly peeking at your expression as you processed the flavor. You furrowed your brow slightly holding the spoon in your mouth, then shrugged your shoulder as you took another bite. Your face didn’t light up like when you ate the ones you bought. 

Tsk, this means Alhaitham bought it from the wrong store. He knows he could simply just ask you which place made your favorite pudding. However, he finds the opportunity for experimentation in front of him more interesting. He wonders what faces you’ll give for each variation of the dessert. 

He gained more knowledge about you, you have a sweet tooth. He already guessed from your fondness for a certain dessert, but those were a treat for once in a while. You liked fruits, often snacking on them when you were bored on your phone, or as a late-night snack when reading. 

“Mmmh.” You looked down at the zaytun peach in your hand. 

“Is something the matter?” He asked, placing his cup of coffee down. 

“Which vendor did you get this peach from?” You looked over at him. 

“Why? Is there something wrong with the quality?”

“No, I like it. It’s got the right amount of firmness and sweetness.” You took another bite. 

Alhaitham made sure to only get zaytun peaches from that specific vendor. 

--

Currently, the head secretary was facing a small dilemma. On his desk he has amassed quite a collection of stationeries. All in part thanks to you, he took some of the notepads and sticky notes to his office, your gifting habits slowed when it looked like he was using them. The ashen-haired man could not pinpoint where this sudden obsession of giving him stationeries came from. 

Although, he has to admit it is quite amusing to watch the expression on your face as you watched his every time you handed over a new office item. It reminds him of a cat presenting its owner with shiny objects it had found, waiting for its human to react. But the current gift exchange ratio is still off. 

  His teal eyes scanned the report that had been placed on his desk earlier in the morning, there were a lot of important details between the lines on the pages. He should list down the details on a note before passing it on to the CEO. A hand reached towards the pile of post-its on his desk, courtesy of you, before it stopped. 

‘It would be too much of a waste to use good quality paper for such a tedious task.’ He reasons as he used one of the subpar post-its provided by the office. 

Dropping the report off at the CEO’s desk before he headed out for his lunch break. Walking to his favorite cafe, a familiar flash of color caught his eyes, a florist was selling potted pardisarahs. You did always seem to admire the colorful flowers that decorated the top of the dessert. 

He stood there on the street contemplating the plant. Padisarahs are fickle flowers, needing a specific blend of soil and precisely measured amounts of water. Too much sun and the fragile petals will burn, too little and the vibrancy of its leaves fade. He concluded that he didn’t want to bestow such a hassle on you. 

Returning from his lunch break to his office, Alhaitham was greeted by a great violation of his personal space. Covering his desk were stacks of new proposals and applications, those weren’t out of the ordinary. But the colorful squares plastered all over each new proposal were:

Please approve these proposals secretary Alhaitham! They are very important! ASAP

Here are the calculations of the research funds for next year, take a look at them - T

Alhaitham you better approve my application this time, the project is already delayed and I filed this paperwork twice! If you have any respect for your senior then approve this as soon as possible! - K

Head secretary, these are the new amendments to company policies. The legal team is awaiting your approval before we proceed with the implementation. - C

 They used the stationeries that you had gifted him to write nonsense. They had the gall to ask him for favors after they touched his desk without permission and wasted such pretty paper. 

Every proposals on his desk got thrown in the trash without so much as a glance. Nothing got approved, next time they should carefully consult his listed work hours outside the office. 

He didn’t think he’d have to make a sign that said ‘do not touch the items on my desk’ to a workplace of grown adults, but he was very much contemplating it now.  

Later that night, his annoyance from earlier in the day melted away once he cracked open the new book gifted to him. Your form comfortably wrapped in a light quilt as you cradled yours. The minutes turned into hours, the silence comfortable like the heat from a fireplace. A soft snap echoed through the room, your hand moving towards your face from the corner of his eye.

“Is something the matter?”

“Mm? Oh, no. The ending was just sad.” You wiped a tear from your other eye.

He learned something new about himself today, he didn’t like seeing you cry. 

You really should’ve known better. Like Icarus, you’ve flown too close to the sun. The glue binding the wings of maturity and sanity you’ve crafted started to melt and fall apart, causing you to plunge down. Falling back into the obsession of ‘love’. What started as just one book, turned into two, turned into four. Now your once sparsely populated shelves were crowded with new romance titles of all sorts. 

--

 “You’re rather late today.” Alhaitham’s voice made you freeze in place. 

Why did the living room have to be so close to the front door, maybe you should’ve snuck back in through the back door. Sneaking back into your own house, did you revert back to a teenager while in your fourth year of marriage? 

“Sorry ‘bout that, I got caught up with friends.” 

That was a blatant lie, your poor friends were dragged into your mess all because you couldn’t be honest. You weren’t in their company, no, you were in the theaters watching a film alone. But how could you ever admit to him that as the Alpha and Omega lovers danced on the screen, you pictured your faces over theirs? 

Alhaitham acknowledged your explanation with a small hum, never looking up from his book. Good, because you were certain if he did, he would’ve seen right through your lie. 

Was your handsome husband the spark that rekindled your obsession? Or was it the stories you’ve been consuming that made your heart thump harder in his presence? 

You weren’t sure which was which, but you couldn’t deny the truth you’ve buried. You were in love with Alhaitham. It was an undeniable fact. From the beginning, you’ve always liked him. His quiet demeanor, his baritone voice, and his teal-orange eyes. But now you were in love with them, every aspect of him. You hated how helpless it made you feel. 

But you secretly liked how good it felt. After years of dormancy, you finally felt it, the rush described to you in those stories. That can’t sleep love, that delicious burn of pining, the itch in your chest as you laid in bed next to him. Two quilts defining the unseen boundaries of personal space, you longed to creep over it but you lacked the courage. 

What does he smell like? The same shower and laundry products were shared between the two of you. But that is not what you meant. What did his pheromones smell like? Was it a cool fresh scent, cool like the minty streaks hidden through his ashen hair? Or was it deep and woodsy? Maybe he smells like the pages of an old library book. 

You used to pity your Omega classmates, for you knew the stigma and inconveniences they will face in their lives. However, right now you envied them to the point of nausea. They knew what Alhaitham’s scent was, but you don’t. Why did you have to be a Beta? 

The demon known as insecurity you thought you’ve left behind was actually lurking in your shadow the whole time. 

Maybe you should check yourself into the Bimarstan, the fever of love feels as if it’s melting your brain. His gaze felt piercing now, his accidental skinships seared your skin. You had no one to blame but yourself, Alhaitham is not at fault, you were the one who fell into the fire as he sat in his place on the couch unaware. Even after four years you still couldn’t be honest with your own husband.

Feelings were never discussed because he believed you had a mutual understanding that this was for convenience. 

You can’t tell him you wanted more. How can you tell him you wanted more? There’s already a wall four years in the making, too great to overcome.   

‘I need to rein myself in’ Alhaitham thought as his eyes followed your figure through the crowd below. It was a slow Friday at work so he decided to walk away from his desk, arriving at an overpass that looked over the streets of Sumeru. Something compelled him to look below, and under the golden sun there you were, and by your side was another Alpha. 

Dehya is her name, a good friend of yours that you introduced once before leaving for a birthday celebration. A good friend who had the privilege to ruffle your hair and loop an arm around your shoulders as she ushers you into one of the many stalls filled with glittering trinkets. 

His hand tightened its grip on the railing, why did she have privileges he was denied? Alhaitham felt he was stalking his own wife. Idiotic really. 

Skinship was not commonplace between you, an unseen glass wall defining the boundaries of your personal space. Whenever his skin met yours, you’d flinch and pull away as if you were burned. He always just apologize and the two of you would move on without another word. Hell, even if his eyes lingered on you for too long you’d tense up. 

It’s been happening more often now, is it because his eyes started wandering more towards your figure or how his hand itched to hold yours?  

Were you scarred by a past relationship? Were your flinches the remnants of a darker period in your life before him? His jaw clenched. By pulling a few strings he had pulled up more files of your past, to satisfy his mind’s hungry, but there was nothing. It only made his curiosity hunger more, or was it something else? Alhaitham wanted answers to why you hated his touches and stares, yet wanted to be in his presence and give him gifts. 

There was only one conclusion he could come up with: you liked your personal space. And he will respect it, but why did your friends not have to?

There was now a knot in his stomach as if a beast was clawing at it, maybe he should call off work and head to the Bimarstan. He disappeared from the overpass. 

–

“Haitham.” He heard your soft pounds on the door. 

“Leave some hot water for me.” He could envision the pout on your lips, and that’s what brought him over the edge. 

Watching with shameless eyes as the evidence of his guilt washed down the shower drain, running water masking his pants. 

If he can’t touch you, that doesn’t mean he can’t think about you; words spoken like a true creep he silently chastised. Alhaitham doesn’t care to admit how long he’s been doing this, perhaps his primal urges weren’t as controlled as he believed. 

It’s strange really, you’re a Beta yet you make him have these urges.

You don’t produce any pheromones to cling onto his body. But by using the same shower products as you, it serves the same purpose of scenting no? A foolish voice Alhaitham pushed from the back of his mind, taking another pump of your body wash. Maybe he should check the dosage of his inhibitors. 

–

The only opportunity he got to observe you closely was when you were asleep. ‘You’re quite the heavy sleeper’, he notes as his eyes traced over the subtle curves of your cheeks, the contours of your nose, and the softness of your lips. 

It’s accepted wisdom that Omegas were the most beautiful people. The top A-list singers and actors being Omegas only solidified the belief. However, Alhaitham’s confident your existence could challenge that very notion. 

If it weren’t for your distinct lack of a scent, any Alpha could’ve mistaken you for an Omega. Even his guests were taken aback by how your appearance didn’t match your status as a Beta. 

There was a pang in his chest. If he felt those urges when looking at you, then it’s guaranteed that others, specifically other Alphas, have felt it as well. But why? He trusted you to stay true to your convictions of loyalty and integrity… He wasn’t so sure about others though. Even with the inhibitors coursing through his system, he couldn’t seem to push down that annoying hand clawing at his back. 

You stirred, huddling into your blanket more, snapping his attention back. ‘Oh, you must be cold again’. The houses in Sumeru were designed to keep hot air out, so when a northern cold front blew in, you definitely felt it. 

Quietly getting up, Alhaitham pulled the spare quilt out of the closet, gently layering it over your curled form. The knit between your brows disappeared as a pleased expression overtook your face. Were you having a pleasant dream? Was he ever included? Subconsciously his hand began to reach for your face, only to freeze. 

‘Personal space’ he reminds himself as he strolls out of the bedroom. 

It makes no sense to him, you’re a Beta. In fact, the reason why he married you in the first place was because he believed your lack of pheromones and lack of heats won’t disrupt his peaceful life. The matchmaker had called him her biggest challenge, persevering only because of a promise made to his late grandma. 

So, how were you still corrupting his thoughts like this? 

He should read to calm his mind before he attempts to join you back in bed. Thoughts running laps in his head, analyzing then overanalyzing every last explanation he could come up with. 

Alhaitham’s greedy hands made their way over to your bookshelf, perhaps he could sedate a bit of his curiosity as well. Pulling the Fontainian novel that marked the start of a tradition. 

Under the golden glow of a lamp he flipped through the pages, it seems that your taste in literature has matured. Teal eyes skimming past a paragraph before going back to do a double take. 

‘Love born in the brain is more spirited, doubtless, than true love, but it has only flashes of enthusiasm; it knows itself too well, it criticizes itself incessantly; so far from banishing thought, it is itself reared only upon a structure of thought.’

He reached an epiphany. 

It looks like you’ve been careless recently. Too distracted by the task of masking your infatuation of your husband from your husband, and maintaining your independent mask to realize that Alhaitham had once again finished all his books. 

The novel right in front of you, moved from its place on your shelf, was proof of that. 

‘It’s a good book’

Your husband’s neat handwriting was present on the small mint post-it plastered on the front cover. It was a simple gesture yet it made your heart flutter as if you had won the achievement of a lifetime. You finally got Alhaitham to use one of the many stationeries gifted to him. 

Carefully peeling the paper off the cover, then folding it to tuck it away in your pocket. 

“At least it’s not another light novel this time.” You affirmed, sticking the book back into its spot. 

--

“The mahamatra have announced a total recall of the inhibitors distributed during the past three months, with reports-”

You were lost in your own little world, contemplating just which books haven’t you bought for your husband yet. Tuning out the sounds of the bookstore playlist and TV as your eyes scanned the titles of the thick books in front of you. 

Would he like Sci-Fi? Sure it’s not academic but maybe it’ll have nuggets of information in there that’d catch his interest. 

--

The weight of the books made your bag strap dig into your shoulder, seeing the house in the distance, you picked up your pace for the home stretch. Tomorrow marks the start of a four-day public holiday, and after the crunch time your boss put you through to tie up loose ends. You needed it. 

Turning the keys in the knob you entered your peaceful little safe haven. 

Only to immediately feel the heaviness in the air. 

Your husband should be home by now, yet the spot on the couch remained empty. His shoes were placed at the door, albeit messily. Kicking off yours as you placed the bag on the coffee table, you navigated your way through the halls. 

The atmosphere was quiet, but not the comforting silence you’ve experienced for the last five years. 

“Haitham?” You called out, about to turn the corner into the master bedroom. 

His black button-down and slacks were thrown all over the floor, a large lump was currently huddled under your blankets on your side of the bed. ‘Oh, he must be napping’. 

Two years in, Alhaitham slept shirtless again like he did before you came. Never before were you grateful that your job made you get up at ungodly 8 am, but having an extra 30 minutes to look at his godly body as he slept made mornings bearable. 

Still, the air didn’t feel right and even if he was messy sometimes, your husband never just threw his clothes on the ground when the laundry basket was right in the corner. His breathing also seemed labored. 

“Haitham, are you sick?” Reaching a hand into the cocoon of blankets, feeling for his temperature. 

A sharp inhale was heard as his breathing stilled, his skin was burning. You moved onto a different patch of skin to confirm it. He must have a fever. 

“You’re burning! I’ll get medicine and water, don’t move.” Your hand quickly retracted. 

Just as your back was turned towards him, like a monster from beneath the blankets a pair of arms entrapped you.

“H-haitham?” His touch was searing you. 

“W-woah?!” 

In an instant, you were pinned under Alhaitham’s towering form, the soft sheets cushioning your body. The place where he once curled was twisted and balmy. Your eyes shoot up at him as he hovered above, your body stiffened. A scarlet haze offset the brilliant teal hue you’ve grown so infatuated with, a sense of impending danger ran down your neck. 

He doesn’t have a fever, he’s in a rut. 

Your thoughts were running wild, bouncing around in your skull as his labored breathing above continued. In all five years, you’ve never seen Alhaitham go into a rut, he was always diligent with his inhibitors. You’ve never been around an Alpha in rut, after all, you were never the one to trigger it. 

It’s embarrassing really, you had no idea what to do, all your experience with ruts came from those steamy light novels. 

“H-haitham, let me up, I’ll get your inhibitors...” You tried to tug your wrists from his grasp. 

Big mistake. His grip tightened as he buried his face into the side of your neck, a low rumble was felt from his chest. Alhaitham had his nose right up against your neck, taking deep inhales as if he was trying to detect something. 

You shivered as your body temperature shot up, you’ve never been this close to him, the brushes of his ashen locks against your neck made your legs rub together. 

“Hey…” You moved your neck away, the sensation was almost overwhelming. 

“Stay still.” A baritone voice vibrated against you. 

On command your body stilled, muscles refusing to move as Alhaitham continued his search. His breath was against your ear, tickling it as he took deep inhales of your hair. A low groan was heard as if he was frustrated with something.  

“Not enough.” 

“Huh?-” 

The sound your blouse getting torn off your body resonated through the air. Even will a layer of clothing gone, your body felt hotter. Just as you began to process the loss of your favorite blouse, another rip rang in your ears. Your skirt was now gone as well. You were so vulnerable under his touches. 

Dragging his nose down from your neck, over your covered breasts, then along your belly. His hands now gripped your thighs as he shifts down to part them effortlessly, eyes focused on your covered cunt. 

Your mind was groggy, reactions dulled, why was the room so hot? Suddenly you felt his nose against your cunt, taking long whiffs of the slick that was beginning to wet the fabric of your panties. That was enough to spark action from you. 

“H-hey!” Your hands pushed against his messy locks as your thighs tried to preserve your dignity.  

“Ah!” You couldn’t stop the moan that escaped your mouth. 

In protest of your attempt to shut him out of heaven, Alhaitham bit into the soft flesh of your thigh. Hazy eyes looking straight into yours, warning you to not do it again. His intense gaze made something deep in your cunt pulse. 

Sharp teeth released soft skin as his attention was back on the honeypot in front of him. Your panties offered as much resistance as wet paper against his swift tug, the fabric now on the floor in pieces. 

Your cunt twitched with each hot breath that hit against its wet lips. With the thin barrier gone, Alhaitham can now freely bury his nose against your honeypot, tingles ran up his spine as the sweet musk of your slick sent his olfactory system into chaos. His throat felt parched as if he had just trekked the desert, he needed a taste. 

“Ah! Ahhh,” your back arched as his hot tongue lapped against your cunt. 

Alhaitham was slurping up your slick like a depraved beast, wet muscles sliding up the whole length of your slit, occasionally dipping into the contracting hole. Your whole body shook when the smoothness of his tongue ran across your clit, toes curling in the air.

 The shower head couldn’t bring out this level of pleasure. The fantasies you envisioned during your long showers couldn’t compare to the scene happening right now. His ministration continued, each stroke of his tongue sending blinding waves of pleasure. 

His hips were angrily rutting against the sheets, erection rubbing against the fabric impatiently. But he had to taste you more, his mind hazy as it craved nothing more than your taste. It was his first taste, but he was already addicted. Your legs tensed up in his grip as a loud whine left your lips, your body shaking as a sudden rush of slick was welcomed onto his awaiting tongue. 

Your sensitive body tried to flinch away as he continued to lap against your swollen lips and clit but his iron grip on your legs didn’t let you budge an inch. Eyes rolled back as the sweet torture continued. 

Your body convulsed, did you just cum again? Two orgasms sapped you of all strength, everything fell limp as your moans continued to fill the room. Your mind too foggy to even process the feeling of embarrassment. It felt so good, yet it was torturing, your cunt was sobbing for something else. 

As if taking mercy on your desperation, or maybe his desperation had reached its limit, Alhaitham pulled away. Teary eyes followed his motion, watching as he aligned his length with your greed.

You’ve seen him walk out of the shower in just a towel, how did he hide this behind a puny towel? 

Your cunt’s eagerness blocked any hesitation from reaching your brain as his length dragged itself against your soaked lips. The pillow behind your head was not enough, you needed something more solid to hold onto, to ground the last shred of your sanity. 

Shaky hands released the plush pillows, outstretched towards Alhaitham’s immense frame. A growl ripped through his chest as he dove into your arms at the same time as his length thrusted fully inside you.  

“OH!” Your fingers left deep stretches along his shoulder blades. 

His pants and soft growls vibrated against your neck as your eyes rolled back again, the fullness you’d been craving has been fulfilled. The stretch burned in all the right ways as your walls clung onto his member, thick and hard. Soft legs locked around a solid torso, your body pressed against his as his frame pinned yours to the bed. Just as you were adjusting to feeling of his length inside, his hips began moving. 

They were merciless, slapping against your hips and ass as the force made your whole body bounce. His length punishes your walls as it pulled out to just the tip only to be slammed back in at full strength. You clung to his muscular body for dear life, breasts bouncing out of their home in your bra. 

Nonsense was spilling out of your mouth as your brain malfunctioned from the blinding flashes of pleasure. The slick slaps of your cunt eagerly welcoming his every move and the headboard of the bed knocking against the wall complimented each other. 

Alhaitham’s pants were growing heavier, growls deeper as his tongue began to trace up and down your neck. The sensation along with his thick tip bullying your poor sweet spot pushed you over the edge for the third time. Walls clamping down to milk him as your legs squeezed him, the pleasure was toeing the edge of pain, much like how your brain was on the verge of madness. 

Nothing interrupted the pistoning of his hips as he fucked you through your orgasm, heavy balls slapping against your swollen lips. 

As the high was beginning to wear off, his pace became impossibly fast, the solid wood headboard now banging against the poor wall. Your bodies rocking together on the bed, he buried his face deeper into your neck. His teeth danced along your shoulder as your moans sang in his ears. He wanted to hear more of it. 

Alhaitham’s hips slammed against yours one final time before they stilled, teeth digging into your shoulder to suppress a moan, burying his length deep inside your cunt as his thick seed spilled. 

Your greed drank all of it up gratefully as your shoulder stung. 

Your chest was raising and falling fast, lungs trying to hog all the air that it could hold. Heart pounding hard in your ears. Tears and drool wet your face as your head fell weakly to the side on the soft pillow. You were completely spent as your arms didn’t even have the strength to hold onto him. Limbs limp and nerves fried. 

Above you Alhaitham continued to pant into your shoulder, length still buried inside. 

After a couple more harsh pants and deep breaths, you felt him stir, pushing against the bed to unpin you from his frame. 

“Ah-hh ahh~” You felt your walls clench once more around his length as he pulled out, a thick string of mixed slick connected his tip to your hole. 

Your body longed for rest as you turned onto your stomach, face pressed against the pillow, still panting heavily as your eyes closed. 

Two large hands grasped firmly onto your hips, startling your consciousness back as you looked over your shoulder. 

Alhaitham still had that scarlet haze in his eyes as he lifted your hips up, watching as more mixed fluids began to tickle out of your abused hole. Your eyes shifted down and you gulped, he was still erect. 

You were quite foolish to believe that one round was enough to satisfy an Alpha in rut. However, if it weren’t for his firm grasp on your hips, your body would’ve collapsed back into the sheets. 

A loud whine left your throat, vocalizing your exhaustion to him. It’s been a long time since you got any action, the two of you didn’t even consummate on the wedding night, it was spent packing your stuff. 

You tried to shift your hips out of his grip but he only held on tighter, earning another whine. 

Soft kisses were pressed against your back as if he was trying to soothe you. It was pathetic how weak you were to them, instantly melting against the pillow. Maybe you can last one more round you thought as his length rubbed against your slit again. 

Thanks to the extra prep and lubrication from the last round your walls were much more accustomed to the stretch as Alhaitham entered once more. His beginning thrusts were much more slowed and controlled than before as you moaned softly into the pillow. 

This couldn’t last sadly, as his lust overtook him again and his hips once again slammed into you, forcing a choked moan from you. Using his hands, he held your body up as he pulled all the way out until the tip then cruelly forced it all back into you. 

You wanted to beg him to rest, but you also wanted to beg for more. Your sloppy cunt accepted all his punishing movements with gratitude as the wet walls thanked his length with kiss-like contractions. 

Your eyes were rolled to the back of your head, mind absolutely blank, the pleasure must’ve melted your brain. All you could do was grip the tear-soaked pillow and let out moan after moan, the poor wall still getting beaten by the movement of the headboard. Tension building up once more in you. 

 Somewhere along the lines, you felt his teeth graze against your nape as his thrust picked up the pace once more, a sign that he was close to finishing. He was panting against the back of your neck as if he was searching for something. With a particularly harsh snap of his hips, he bites deeply into your nape as he releases a fresh batch of seed. 

“Why?”

You felt the frustrated growls against your skin as he bites again at a different angle. The pleasureful pain seems to have jump started your brain for just a second. 

‘Oh, he’s trying to bond.’ You felt Alhaitham’s soft locks brush against your shoulders as he continued his fruitless search. 

You were once reminded that you were just a Beta, unable to form a bond. He could bite your neck as many times as he wanted. His teeth can pierce the flesh until the skin was raw, but it would be all for naught. He’ll never get that satisfaction. You don’t have the glands to be bitten, to be marked, to be bonded with. 

You weren’t an Omega. There was now a heavy knot in your chest. 

–

You weren’t even sure what day it was, all you can recall is the hazy cycle of intense lust followed by a lull before the next round. During the lull, you did your damnedest to keep yourself and him hydrated, often having to lure him into the kitchen for some much-needed water and quick snacks. 

The air of the house was thick with the musk of sweat and desire, very nerve of yours fried from pleasure. 

Once again your body was pinned under his, legs thrown over his shoulders as his hips desperately snapped against yours. 

Every article of clothing has long since been removed, allowing your breasts to bounce along with every thrust. By now you were certain the shape of him was pounded into your cunt. The soaked sheets below clutched in your hands as if to ground you from floating up to cloud nine. 

The harsh pants and low growls above you increased in frequency in time with his thrusts. He must be close again. 

Fortunately, you’ve noticed that the breaks between each round have been getting longer and longer. A sign that the rut was ending. If you survive this you’ll bring offers to the sanctuary of surasthana to thank the archons for their blessing. Maybe after the feeling returns back to your legs of course. 

Suddenly your face was pushed into the side of his neck, the scent of sweat now stronger. 

“Bite.” His rugged voice commanded. 

Ah… he wanted you to mark him. With clumsy teeth, you felt around the smooth muscles. You can’t sense where his glands were so you just bit down at random along his neck. It was useless, you knew it, but still...

Alhaitham pushed himself eagerly against your teeth, encouraging you to bite harder with a growl. You obliged. 

His teeth ran along your raw neck, already covered in his bites and hickeys, searching for one last spot. Your jaw clamped down harder as his teeth sank into your neck one last time. Hips stilling as one final wave flooded into you, it was hard to tell when one orgasm ended and another began. 

Your hands found purchase around his back again, holding him close as you panted against his neck. Against yours a frustrated growl vibrated once more, his muddled mind confused as to why no bond has formed. 

��Why?”

There was that cold pierce of pain again. 

The large hand on the back of your head held your nose close against his searing skin. It could’ve just been your fried nerves, but as the darkness overtook your vision, you could’ve sworn there was a warm and opulent scent of wood and books.

 If you were reborn, in the next life could you recognize his scent?

Your eyes opened up to blinding sunlight. Your body ached as if it had been through hell and back, bones threatening to turn into dust at any second. The large bed messy and only occupied by one body. Shifting your sight away from the stinging light, his empty pillow came into view. 

You weren’t sure what came over you, but even as your muscles screamed you pressed your nose into the cold pillow and inhaled. Nothing. Just sweat and disappointment. 

Just what were you hoping for? That a few nights of passion would birth a miracle? That you’d somehow turn into something you couldn’t be? In the end, you were still you. Those novels must’ve rotted your common sense, stupid. 

Bitter tears fell onto the pillow, you didn’t have the strength to hold back the sobs as they wrecked through your body. 

Yes, you were stupid. So stupid from the very start to believe that this could work. That maybe after a few more years, maybe at the seven-year mark, he could fall in love with you as well. 

The dream of his tender eyes looking into yours with love crumbled right there in front of you. 

 A cup clanged onto the desk in the room as footsteps quickly made their way to your side, a blurred figure knelt down. 

“Is your body hurting anywhere? I’ll take you to the Bimarstan.” Alhaitham gently sat your covered figure up, trying to see the extent of the situation. 

Your small hands pushed against his solid frame, his motion stilled as you refused to allow him to see your face. 

However, Alhaitham knows he didn’t have the right to. Not only did he invade your sacred personal space, but he did so like a wild beast. Not allowing your body to rest or replenish itself as he trapped you to the bed for almost four days. He deduced that you must be hurting, that you must be scared of him now, and that must be the reason behind your tears. 

Guilt was suffocating him. Those stupid urges, that stupid rut. His stupid hands refusing to let you go.

Throughout your whole marriage, you had put on the mask of independence, someone who did not need to lean on a husband for comfort. Yet here you were, bawling out your eyes in front of him like a child. Your façade has been cracked, tears soaking into his pillow and snot trickling down under his unwavering gaze. 

What was the look on his face right now? You couldn’t see through the mirage of tears blurring your sight, not that you had the courage to face him. Was it disappointment? Right now as he observed your vulnerable figure, did he feel lied to after all these years? Like he had just discovered the defects in a product? 

The freezing water of self-loathing, doubt, and insecurity filled you like a boat whose haul had been pierced by the jagged edges of an iceberg. You were drowning, your limbs kicking and thrashing with all their might trying to resurface. 

For a brief moment, your face bobbed above the crashing waves.

“Let's get a divorce.” 

Those were the only words you managed to choke out in the space between your sobs before your head disappeared under the murky waters once more. 

His whole body froze as he processed your words. Alhaitham had already deduced why you wanted to end this relationship, he had hurt and scarred you. Yet, like a child, he still wanted to clamber for more answers. 

“Why?” He said through clenched teeth, you couldn’t see it but his hands had a slight shake. 

“We’re not satisfied, Alhaitham. I-it’s not working, I-i can’t satisfy your requirements. I-i can’t make you happy, I-i can’t make you love… me.” Hiccups breaking up your sentences.

That was it, you spilled out all your secrets. Your lungs and throat hurting as if you just pushed salt water out of them. 

Alhaitham’s hands were balled up so tightly his nails broke the skin on his palms. 

So, you weren’t happy. He couldn’t make you happy. He felt as if he had dropped down to the tier of a fool. A fool who didn’t know how to make those bitter tears of yours stop. 

He released you. 

You felt his presence disappear from your side. The touch of warmth he provides was now gone as coldness fully engulfs your whole being. The tears just wouldn’t stop. Is this what those heartbroken sobs actually felt like? Why did you ever think this was something to be desired? You truly were an idiot. 

You weren’t sure how long had passed, a few seconds or a few minutes, but his presence returned back to your side. He looked as if he had something in his hands. Were they divorce papers? Ah, Alhaitham was a man who always had a plan for everything. Did he have a premonition that this marriage was doomed from the start? How long has he had them?

Alhaitham didn’t feel like he had the right to touch you. However, he needed to do something to make you look at him. Please, just look at him. His large hands tenderly grasped yours as if they were made from glass. You still hid your face from him.

“I won’t bind you to a life that brings you unhappiness. But.. You have to tell me” His voice wasn’t as steady as he wanted it. 

“If you want strolls through the market, tell me. If you want to be woken up with sweet whispers, tell me. If you want to hold hands across a date night table, then tell me. You have to tell me what will make you happy.” He wasn’t sure if those were your unfulfilled desires or his.

You could only tighten your grip on his hands as you sobbed harder. 

Your statement from before was incorrect. Alhaitham is also at fault for this pain you were going through. If there was one feeling that was just as addictive as love, it would be hope. Please, please don’t give false hope. 

“I-i’ll disrupt your-r life…” You managed to choke out.

His thumb gently stroke the back of your knuckles.

“How could you ever disrupt something you’re a part of?” 

Your hesitant eyes finally met his teal gaze, his eyes soft as opposed to their usual stonewall stare. With the walls down, you were given a glimpse into the whirling emotions behind them. Endearment, sincerity, and hurt danced along the green-blue irises. 

“As for your last reason, here. I should’ve just given this to you directly.” His hands let go of yours, picking up the item he had brought.

He handed over the book you had placed back on your bookshelf a few days earlier, the one he had left his note on. So, he didn’t have divorce papers prepared? Your trembling hands accepted it, and through your teary eyes, you finally noticed the torn-out green and gold note contrasting between the cream pages. 

Tenderly, you unfolded the piece of paper retrieved from the book. Quickly blinking to clear your eyes from excess tears. In the neat script of Alhaitham’s handwriting: 

 ‘Love born in the heart as opposed to Love born in the brain:

 When one loves at first sight or goes looking for love, then one is essentially just attracted to someone for the sake of being with someone. Not looking objectively at any warning signs or relationship flaws one has with someone. If there are any issues, the bias of infatuation blinds you to them. 

So that's loving with the heart, based solely on carefree addictive emotion, even though it feels stronger and more enthusiastic on the surface. 

Love from the brain is more logical and objective. You take the time to understand a person, seeing them for them with unbiased eyes. You understand them thoroughly and can maturely and objectively work through the turbulence of life together. Individuals who set aside precious time to manually repair creaks, maintaining the structural integrity of a home that shelters their affections. 

With the diligence of a conservator preserving ancient scripts on papyrus that should have been disintegrated long ago. 

The latter rather than the former describes the bond forged between my wife and I.’ 

Your grip crumpled the side of the paper.

“What does this mean?” Hesitation in your voice as tears blurred your vision of his teal eyes. 

“I love you.” He confessed. Three words have been overdue for years.

‘Don’t be filled with false hope’ Your mind echoed.

 “I’m not an Omega…”

“That’s not a requirement for love.”

That was it. It was as if you’ve been waiting all this time for him to say those words. The words of affirmation you didn’t know you needed. The key to free you from the cage of insecurity you’ve built for yourself. 

Your feet now touched the warm sandy bottom as air rushed back into your lungs.

  It looks like you’ve figured it out. Regardless of what definition of love has been pushed by external forces, these feelings he holds for you are objectively pure and true love. His hands tenderly took yours away from its grip on the paper. If you wanted him to, Alhaitham will spend the rest of his life proving it to you. He’ll conduct every experiment and collect all the data points to present to you. 

How silly, a red thread spun by two pairs of hands, created through undying trust, respect, and admiration had already tied the two of you in a bond. The love you were trying so hard for had always been right in front of you for five years.

The blanket draped behind your head resembled a wedding veil as the fabric folded and gathered around your trembling body. ‘Beautiful’ He thought. 

The room was a mess, sheets and clothes strewn all across the floor. The musk of lust still hung heavy in the air, the residue of sweat and other fluids still clinging to skin. Your hair was all over the place, tears still pouring from your eyes, his hair was no better. But in this moment, there was nothing more Alhaitham wanted to do than this: 

“Will you take me, Alhaitham, as your lawfully married husband? To love me through sickness and health, through poverty and wealth, and through sun and rain?” 

Sobs were still wracking through your body, words unable to form in your mouth but you were nodding your head enthusiastically. Your hands felt small firmly holding onto his larger ones. 

“I, Alhaitham, will take you as my lawfully married wife. I will love you through sickness and health, through poverty and wealth, and through sun and rain… I do.” 

It was a silly sight to behold, but in this moment as he finally sees a smile break out on your face, it means the world to him. 

There’s a saying from a well-known poet from Fontaine it goes as follows:

‘Love is being stupid together.’ 

And clearly, the two of you have been very stupid. Oh so stupidly in love.  

Fin~

Authors note:

The long quote was taken from Stendhal’s The Red and The Black

The last quote is from Paul Valery

Also communication is v important to any relationship, people can’t read minds Alhaitham. If you made it this far, thank you and hope you enjoyed!

DON’T PLAGIARIZE, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORKS ON DIFFERENT PLATFORMS. 

#alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x y/n #alhaitham x you #alhaitham smut #alhaitham headcanons #yandere alhaitham #genshin omegaverse #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin smut #genshin alhaitham #alhaitham fluff #alhaitham fanfic #al haitham x reader #al haitham x you #alhaitham angst #genshin fluff #genshin angst #alpha beta omega #genshin impact scenarios #al-haitham x you #genshin impact x you #alhaitham imagines #alhaitham scenarios #vivalabunbunfics

[peachesofteal]

On a Slow Night

Belongs in the Dead Disco - verse, but can be read as standalone.

Ghost/Soap/female reader 8.5k words - AO3 Warnings-tags: 18+ Minors DNI. Dominant/submissive. Smut of all kinds: male oral receiving, female oral receiving, barebacking, rimming, vaginal sex, anal sex, orgasm control and denial, creampie. Praise kink. Double Penetration. Possessive Simon Riley. Aftercare. Angst. Jealousy. Anxiety. Emotional hurt/comfort. Porn with feelings. Relationship issues. Simon takes control. This is a FLASHBACK, but I chose not to italicize the entire thing. Takes place before Chap 1 of Dead Disco.

It’s the tone of your voices that wakes Simon from where he sleeps, alone in the bed. It’s the sharp, raw edge of your words, your pitch dipped in malcontent, and Johnny’s low, harsh spitting, that has him sitting straight up, eyes narrowed, listening with intent.

You’re fighting. About what? Your voice peaks an octave, and then drops immediately, broken up by the crest of a sob, a sound of distress that has him out of bed and into the kitchen within a second’s time. 

“What is going on here?” He asks quietly, and Johnny returns his query with a pleading gaze, but you stare a spot on the countertop, eyes flush with tears. When the two of you stay silent, a flare of irritation creeps up his spine. “Well?” 

“It’s-“  Johnny begins but you speak over him, cutting him off efficiently. 

“I have to go to work.” You say to no one in particular, to your feet more than either of them. He glances at the clock and grimaces. If you don’t leave in the next five to ten minutes, you’ll be late. Not nearly enough time. You grab your bag, and your mug, turning on your heel for the door. Acid rises in the back of his throat when he realizes that you’re not even going to say goodbye to them, not going to kiss him, or Johnny, not going to let them tell you to have a good day or let Simon fuss over making sure you have your water bottle and your laptop charger, two things that commonly get left on the table. 

When the door swings shut, lead settles in his stomach while Johnny folds his hands, fingers battling each other with anxiety. 

“Johnny.” He breathes. “What the fuck?” 

“She wasn’t listening to me, and then it just… got out of control. I snapped at her.” Simon rubs the spot between his shoulder blades in a circle, nodding while Johnny breaks down everything that happened. The replay of last night. The sequence of events this morning, everything up until when Simon appeared from the bedroom, and you darted out the door.

You had been crying, this morning, when Johnny got up as he usually does to see you off to work. It’s a cherished part of his routine, when they’re home. Having breakfast with you, talking about your day, or not talking at all, just enjoying a few quiet moments before you leave, helping you put together your work bag or making you a cup of coffee. But this morning, when you were unusually frosty, and he had asked you what was wrong, you had tried to brush him off, tried to tell him what you were thinking was stupid, and that you didn’t want to talk about it.

And Johnny couldn’t have that. He knew what you were dwelling on, knew the streak of jealousy from last night was still present, sitting heavily on your mind. He tried to push you, kept prodding, ignoring the warning signs, blowing past your indicators that you were in an extremely sensitive state, until you turned on him with a snarl, body language tense and face closed off.

“Did you have him more than twice then?” you had asked, “Was he like me?”

“No one is like you, darling.” Johnny had tried to assure you, comfort you, but it fell flat.

“Yeah, okay. Why then, did you always tell me, you never slept with anyone more than once… and then there’s a guy in the bar not even down the fucking block that the two of you conveniently forgot to mention you shared at least twice!” 

“You should have woken me.” He keeps the bitterness from his voice, but Johnny doesn’t need it to know that Simon is upset. He reads him too easily.

“I thought everything was fine. ‘m sorry.” Simon knows he believed that, that he really did think everything was fine. After all, they brought you home last night and spent hours in bed, reassuring, reconfirming your place with them, until you were happy and sated, asleep in their arms with a little smile on your face. He runs his fingers through the mohawk soothingly.

“Everyone’s a little on edge right now, I think.” It’s not an excuse, but the truth. It was a longer op, and the time between this most recent one and the one before was hardly even a week. Not to mention, Johnny almost got himself blown up during this one, and Simon pulled a muscle in his back in the first week. They’ve been home for two weeks now, and their emotional states are still a little more fragile than either of them would care to admit, while you were trying so damn hard to keep yourself together for them, to keep your chin up. Simon knows it’s because you don’t want to feel like a burden, that you think you depending on them causes additional stress, but he’s seen the cracks in the surface for a few days, so it did not particularly surprise him when you crumbled last night. He’s been waiting, and waiting, impatiently, for you to let go, for you to drop the mask and let them step in.

He just didn’t want it to be like this.

Simon’s phone vibrates against the coffee table in the late afternoon, alerting both of them from where they sit on the couch. Johnny fidgets nervously, and Simon stills him with a firm grip on his thigh while he opens the text.

It’s in the group chat, between the three of you. A quick note that you’re going to be late tonight, and they shouldn’t wait to eat dinner. Simon scowls.

“Late?” Johnny questions, while Simon types a reply: ‘How late?’

Your answer comes a minute later: ‘Not sure. I have a fast-approaching deadline for this exhibit review that I’m behind on and if it’s not done, the director will ream me.’

Simon lets out a burst of a sigh, body expanding and relaxing with tense pressure while he types: ‘We’ll wait for you darling, don’t worry about that.’

You reply almost immediately: ‘You don’t have to.’ He frowns. Avoidance? It’s rare, from you. You usually get so full up with your own thoughts and feelings that you physically can’t avoid something, having to address it, talk about it, until you feel better, until it’s not overpowering you anymore. Johnny shifts next to him, blue eyes stricken while he reads from the screen.

“Is she… avoiding us?” He too, recognizes it, this outlier. Simon texts back. ‘We will.’

Three bubbles pop up on the screen, and then disappear.

It’s far past late by the time you get home. Johnny has taken to pacing around the flat, doing laundry and other things to occupy his mind, detailing the grout in the bathroom and nervously flitting about doing fuck all while Simon sits on the couch, trying to read a book and failing.

They’ve both been sitting in the living room for an hour by the time ten pm rolls around and you walk through the door, the sun long set, night overtaking the city and drenching it in an inky darkness that spreads throughout their home as well.

“Hi.” You drop your bag unceremoniously on the table, crossing your arms. Defensive posture, Simon notes. This is going to go real bloody well. “You really didn’t have to wait for me.” You complain, looking between the two of them, lingering for a long moment. Johnny stands, preparing, and Simon notices how your shoulders slump, just a fraction, tense energy leaking from your body while you lock eyes with him.

“I’m sorry.” He blurts, eagerly. “I’m so, so sorry love. I shouldn’t have pushed you this morning. I lost my head… I was worried and I- I have no excuse. I should not have snapped at you. You are so precious to me, and I never, ever want to make you feel that way.” He steps closer, and closer, tentative hand in the air, reaching for you while Simon holds his breath, waiting to see how you’ll respond. He’s waiting for the inevitable, the crumble, the fall of everything you’ve been holding in, all the feelings and thoughts and rot you’ve been holding up. The emotional catharsis. The breaking point.

It doesn’t come.

Instead, you heave a big, loud sigh, and wilt into Johnny’s arms.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for being dramatic.” Dramatic? You’re not dramatic. They’ve told you this a thousand times. He frowns, something new twisting in his gut, a feeling of something being really wrong creeping through his bones. What is going on with you? Johnny’s too distracted by being relieved, being grateful for your easy forgiveness that he misses the way your eyes tighten before going lax again, and Simon watches you bury your head in neck immediately afterwards, your arms going around Johnny like you’re holding on for dear life. Simon follows you both as Johnny pulls you along with him into the kitchen, settling you at the counter on the stool while he pulls dinner from the oven, little savory chicken pies, one of your favorite meals, still warm and ready to be eaten, and you clap your hands with excitement when he places yours in front of you.

“You didn’t have to.” You gush, and Johnny blushes prettily, over the moon with the change in your mood, your smiling face.

“Simon, sit.” He points to the seat next to you, and he takes it, all while studying you, noticing everything from the way you’re holding your fork to what your free hand is doing in your lap. Johnny coughs. “What’s wrong?” his tone is suspicious, and you turn to look at Simon with wide, curious eyes. He forces a smile and shakes his head.

“Nothing.”

A week later, it all comes crashing down. It’s a Friday, and you’ve worked from home, spent most of the day alone in the flat while they both had to go across town for a brief before their scheduled departure in another week and a half. Johnny stops at the market on the way back, having promised everyone curry tonight, so Simon beats him home, eager to get out of his starched clothing and into sweats, and hopefully drag you away from work for the rest of the evening to sit on the couch with him, curled up in his lap while the two of you wait for Johnny to get home.

Instead, something else happens all together.

You’re pacing, in front of the kitchen table, hand on your neck while you stop occasionally to bend at the waist and read something on your laptop. You don’t even acknowledge him when the door opens, and as he gets closer, he realizes your hand isn’t just on your neck, but it has a fist full of hair in it as well, the strands pulled so tight it looks painful. Your breakfast sits untouched on a plate, pushed away, and your eyes dart around the room, briefly touching over him before flicking back to the screen.

“Darling?” he calls, taking his jacket off slowly. You ignore him, shaking your head like you’ve heard him but can’t be bothered to acknowledge him, typing away at something from your half standing, half bending position. He’s close enough to see an email chain on the screen, long paragraphs broken up, your cursor blinking in front of one half written.

“I’m sorry.” You say, not even sparing him a glance. “I’m sorry I’m just dealing with something right now, there’s a lot going on and-“ He stills you, pulling at your forearm, trying to loosen your grip around your hair that you’ve wrapped so tight, it’s made imprints in your skin.

“Hey.” He squeezes your wrist, just enough to pull your attention, eyes partially glazed over, like you’re not even really in your own head right now. “What is it?”

“Nothing. I’m just dealing with something, at work. There’s a lot going on.” You repeat it robotically, and he tilts his head in consideration, running a thumb under your jaw to tip your face upwards. There’s something… off, in your eyes. Something uneasy lurking in your gaze, something wrong, off balance.

“Alright. That’s enough work for today, I think.” He reaches past you and closes the laptop while you gasp a protest.

“Si, no! I have to finish, there’s stuff going on you don’t understand I need to-“

“Is anyone dying?”

“N-no but-“

“And it’s Friday, which means your boss isn’t back until Monday. It can wait.”

“I have to-“

“It can wait.” This time, he puts the authority behind his voice, the razor’s edge, to test the waters. To see, how you react.

You freeze. You’re holding your breath, eyes darting wildly around the flat like you’re looking for an escape of some sort. You reach for him, hand latching onto his forearm, and he realizes you’re shaking. He tries to pull you closer, but you lock up, immobile, except for the intense increase in your shivering.

“I’m sorry.” You gasp. “I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry, I don’t know- I d-don’t know what’s wrong I, I’m sorry.” You repeat it over and over, frantic, tipping into hysteria and he shoves down his own panic so he can do what he needs to do.

Take over.

Take control.

He grips the back of your neck, the motion signaling you to what will happen next, and then pulls you into his chest, head tipped down so his lips hover just over your ear.

“It’s alright darling, just breathe.” When you do, he rewards you with praise, light and affectionate. “Good girl, just like that.” He counts them for you, one in, one out, two in, two out, and so on until they come easily, and you relax more into him, breathing languid, body calm. “Okay, you’re going to get in the shower. You will tell me if you want me to get in with you, or you need my help with something, like washing your hair.” You gulp, and he soothes a hand down your spine. “Yes?” He prompts and you nod slowly before giving your agreement. Recognition, acceptance, dances across your face, and he knows you know.

“Yes, Simon.” He hums his own acknowledgement, and then manages to shoot a text off to Johnny while ushering you towards the bathroom, one hand firm on your nape.

‘Get home. Right now.’

He’s sitting on the bed facing the door when Johnny blows through it, eyes seeking his.

“What’s going on?” he rushes out. “What’s wrong?” Simon holds his hand up, a clear stop signal, and Johnny screeches to a halt, a few paces into the bedroom.

“Tell me your safe word, Johnny.” Johnny’s eyes go wide, and then glances at the bathroom door, where the shower runs, and the sound of a drawer opens and shuts. “Your safe word, MacTavish.” Simon repeats and Johnny swallows.

“It’s bomb, sir.”

“When do you use it?”

“When I need a hard stop.” Simon nods.

“Good. And what if you can’t speak?” He points to the floor, the intended directive incredibly clear, and Johnny sinks to his knees without another thought.

“Then I tap twice.” He whispers his answer, to which Simon nods.

“Good boy.”

“What’s going on?” He asks again, because he’s allowed to, but Simon doesn’t answer. Instead he unzips his pants as he closes the distance between them, hand fisting his cock while he looms over where Johnny kneels.

“Open.” He pats his jaw, and Johnny parts his lips obediently, mouth glistening, wet and warm, waiting for Simon. He groans as he feeds him his cock slowly, pressing down against his tongue, choking him gradually, pulling out and pushing into his mouth with an achingly slow, leisurely pace. “What’s going on-“ he casually says, like he isn’t shoving the width of his cock into Johnny’s eager mouth. “is that I failed to take control of a rapidly deteriorating situation when I should have.” He rubs a hand through Johnny’s hair, admiring his sweet boy from this viewpoint, his crystal blue eyes and heavenly soft skin, perfect and pretty, just for him and you. It’s enough to make his knees fucking weak, with how much he loves him. How lucky Simon is, to have him. To have you both, like this. Sweet for him. Submissive for him. Willing, for him.

Which is why, when something like this happens, Simon is always the one who steps in and takes over. Who takes control.

He makes eye contact with Johnny while he pushes deeper, swiping his finger through the drool that drips from his bottom lip. “This is my fault, my responsibility. For not stepping in after that spat last week.” He draws out, holding the crown of his cock at Johnny’s messy lips, giving him a moment, a chance to speak, or tap, and breathe, before plunging back in, cramming himself to the hilt, until Johnny’s nose is pressed to the curls of his pubic hair. “But we’re going to fix that, now. We’re going to fix it all.” Johnny nods eagerly, humming with Simon shoved in his throat, the vibration sending a shiver up Simon’s spine.

The water in the shower shuts off, and they both hear the glass of the door open and shut. Simon pulls Johnny forward, walking him on his knees, cock still languishing in his mouth, until the back of his legs hit the bed and he sits, settling Johnny between his thighs and instructing him not to move, to just sit there and be a good cock warmer until he gives him another directive. Johnny’s eyes bliss out after a minute, and satisfaction warms Simon’s belly. Good boy. 

The bathroom door creaks open, to reveal you wrapped in a towel, cautiously peeking out at the two of them, feet arched like a dancers, walking on your tip toes.

“Um.” You squeak. You’ve got a wall back up; he can already tell. Whatever cracked earlier when he got home has been patched over, and he sighs, all the while, delicious anticipation curls in his heart. He’s going to make both of you cry tonight. 

“Darling.” He calls, steeling his voice. You need a stronger hand, in times like these. You’re headstrong, and resilient, and stubborn, all of these things that make you just that more special to him, to Johnny. But these things can also get you hurt. They can derail you, bully you into pushing through when you clearly need the opposite, when you desperately need to break instead. Good thing he’s happy to help. He points to the bottle of lube on the dresser near you, a silent command, and you grip it in nervous fingers as you creep closer. When you’re within arm’s reach, he pulls you down to his mouth for a kiss, something gentle and loving, a tender reminder of his love for you, before pulling away and pointing at the floor, right next to Johnny.  

“What is your safe word?” Your eyes flick to Johnny, who doesn’t move, just stays steady, even with Simon’s cock pressed against his tongue.

“It’s, uh. Paint.” He nods. The hesitation wasn’t because you don’t know your word, he knows that. It’s because your brain is trying to piece together what exactly is happening at a rapid pace, to try to prepare you.

“Good girl. When do you use it?”

“When I need to stop.”

“And if you can’t speak?”

“I tap three times.” You and Johnny’s taps are different, so he can differentiate them, if ever need be. It’s never been necessary, but he’d rather be safe, than be sorry when it came to either of you.

“You tap three times.” He repeats, and then pulls at your towel, which you let go willingly. Both he and Johnny are still fully clothed, which will be remedied eventually, but for now, he’s content to sit here with your body bare to him, the swell of your hips and breasts, the sheen of your still damp skin, sending lust licking down his spine.

You sit perfectly, palms above your knees, knees together while he thrusts very gently in Johnny’s mouth, not nearly enough, but adequate for right now, considering his release is likely hours away. You watch, mouth slack, eyes lidded, thighs shifting just barely, and he smirks to himself. He was so pleasantly surprised when they found you. When he discovered you fit so perfectly, with them. When he learned what your face looks like when you come for them. He was scared, terrified, but still surprised, when he realized he was thinking about you on ops, when he realized that Johnny was thinking about while on ops. And he was shocked when you started to let them in. Let them take care of you, let them see you. It didn’t take long before he wanted more and more and Johnny met him on it blow for blow, until they were both commandeering all your time when they weren’t on missions and when the three of you were laughing in bed in the middle of night, swapping stories and daydreaming about a future.

A future that he thought was impossible.

A future that is now more in his grasp than it ever has been before.

If they don’t make a fucking mess of it.

He pulls Johnny off his cock by his mohawk, lips making a wet pop while he tips his head backwards, latching their mouths together. Simon pushes his tongue inside, sweeping between his teeth, tasting the salted remnant of himself, before pulling away.

“Take off your clothes, get in the shower, be quick.” He orders, and Johnny scrambles to his feet, hastily working his buttons and boots, stripping as quickly as he can manage while practically running to the bathroom. “Darling, come here.” He pats his leg, and you hoist yourself onto the bed, allowing him to pull and arrange you so you straddle his thigh. You’re already wet, he can see the evidence of your need, your want, on his leg, and he presses his thumb against your bottom lip. “What happened to my darling girl?” He asks, and you blink, confused. “What happened to our sweet, sensitive girl who knows it’s okay to depend on us for what she needs?” Your brow furrows.

“I’m right here.” You whisper and he shakes his head.

“I don’t think you are.” He kisses your cheek, and then the tip of your nose while gripping you by the back of your neck. “I think you’ve been shoving your feelings down into the dark somewhere. Afraid to let go for some reason.”

“Simon…no.” your whisper is heavy now, tinged with something sad, something reluctant. It’s not the tears he’s looking for, not yet, but he’ll get you there. He always does.

“That’s alright love. We’re going to fix it.” He assures you, and strokes a featherlight touch across your thighs, listening to the sharp intake of breath that hisses between your teeth when he strokes over the seam of your cunt, just enough to feel the seep of wetness there, before tracing up to roll one of your nipples between his fingers. Your teeth bite down into your bottom lip while he’s content to sit there just like that for a while, teasing you until the bathroom door opens, revealing a naked Johnny, standing in the frame, waiting for instruction.

“Johnny.” He says, not taking his eyes off you, still holding you with one hand by the neck. He releases your nipple to motion to the side of the bed, a glaringly open space where his Sergeant’s body belongs. “On your back.” He obliges him easily, leaning backwards, stretching his toned abdomen long, the swell of his cock laying against his belly, leaking precome in a lazy, wonderful way that makes Simon’s mouth water a little. He holds your jaw in his fingers and turns your head to look at Johnny. “Isn’t he lovely?” He murmurs into your ear, and you try to nod.

“Perfect.” You breathe, and he agrees. Johnny is perfect, Johnny is the love of his life, his partner, forever. Unmatchable. Irreplaceable. Irreplicable.  

And so are you, even if you don’t realize it yet.

“Here are the rules.” He begins, shifting you to lay next to him, also on your back. Your knees are bent, and you let one go lax, knocking into Johnny’s, exposing your bare pussy just so for Simon, just a glimpse. His blood heats, and he starts to strip off his clothes while he speaks. “You, darling. Don’t get to come unless I give you permission.” You wiggle against the sheets, anticipation brewing in your eyes. Your hand reaches for Johnny’s, and he interlaces his fingers with yours in a heartbeat. “Johnny, can come at any time as long as he asks for permission, and he can come when you do, without permission.” His eyes snap incredulously to Simon, who allows a wicked smile to scrawl across his face. He leans over the two of you, kissing Johnny’s shoulder and then yours. “Johnny’s going to put your plug in, love. Because we’re both going to have you later.” He tells you, and you visibly brighten, excitement pushing your cheeks into a smile. It’s not an easy thing, to take them both, and something that only happens with enough prep and time, both of which he plans on having tonight.

He pulls the plug from the drawer in the nightstand, handing it to Johnny with the bottle of lube, and you turn obediently onto your knees, ass up in the air, cheek laying on Simon’s thigh. He strokes your skin soothingly while Johnny compresses the plug in his hand, warming the cool metal with a huff of breath, and then spreading lube over the ring of muscle between your cheeks, dipping his thumb in and out of you painstakingly slowly, just pushing against the rim as it flutters for him. You whimper.

“Like what you see?” Simon drawls, and Johnny nods.

“Okay, ready?”

“Y-yeah.” You croak. You usually take the plug no problem, but that’s also after a few orgasms, and a few fingers. They don’t usually use it as the warmup act. Johnny’s thumb for a handful of minutes is not quite as good, but you’re experienced now, and Simon is intending to use the burn of the stretch to his advantage, hoping the sting and bite speeds you along to the point of no return. Simon rubs your shoulders, while Johnny lowers it towards where you’re spread for him.

“Okay darling, nice and easy.” He coaches.

“Push out.” Simon reminds you, and you do, letting out a puff of air against his thigh. He massages your arm, your wrist soothingly, and you hiss, your reaction letting him know you’re spreading over the widest part. “Well done.” He murmurs, stroking some hair away from your temple. “Good girl.” You give him a syrupy smile, eyes a little dazed, and he rewards you with a kiss, before pulling both Johnny and you into his embrace. “I love you.” He vows. “We are going to correct whatever it is that has our girl all mixed up.” You huff indignantly, playfully, and he pinches your cheek in response. He loves this stubborn streak of yours but loves to break it even more. He presses his mouth against your neck, and then up to your lips, drawing breathy rasps from you with his lips, pulling you back up to a seated position against him, in between his thighs, spreading your legs to give Johnny a perfect view.

“Christ.” Johnny hisses, reaching out to touch you, dragging a finger through your soaking folds. You whimper, and he thinks reality is truly setting in for you now, the realization of the task ahead. He lets his own hand carefully drift down to your cunt, fingers exploring your body while you practically buzz in his arms, nerve endings already alight from the plug that’s settled in your ass.

“Shhh.” He soothes when he feels just how soaked you are, feels how hard your clit is beneath his touch while you jerk in his grasp, one arm pinning you against his chest. “Poor darling.” He works you slowly, feeling how your body responds to him, your hips moving in small, bucking movements. It goes on for minutes that feel like hours, until you’re whining and chasing his touch with your body.

“Simon.” You whimper.

“Johnny, will you taste her for me?” He asks to which Johnny eagerly agrees, bending to press his face into your eager cunt. He sucks at your clit before stroking his tongue up and down, sloppily eating you out, flicking your clit over and over while you pant.

“P-please, Simon. Please.” You plead, and he licks a salt-sweat trail up your neck to below your ear, where he plants a delicate kiss on the skin under your earlobe. Your body thrashes, trying to get more leverage, trying to grind against Johnny’s face but he wraps his legs around yours, pinning you effectively with his thighs. You whine, and your fingers sink into his flesh, your body pressing into his back, like you’re bearing down, preparing to come all over Johnny’s face.

“Don’t come.” He orders. You gasp, and he watches your stomach tense and flex, while he plays with your nipples lazily.

“Fuck.” You moan, and Johnny groans, eyes flicking up to where the two of you watch him.

“Don’t let her come, Johnny. Or it will be your punishment.” He says, and you squirm in his arms. Johnny pulls away, mouth soaked with you, and slides a deft finger into your cunt, twisting his wrist for the correct leverage. He’s smiling in a half sweet, half smirking way, watching his finger disappear inside of you unabashedly. Simon joins him, reaching down for where your clit is throbbing, pad of his finger swirling in the absolute mess between your legs before rubbing around your swollen nub’s hood, and then pushing inside of you next to Johnny’s digit, your body greedily accepting them both, cunt clenching hard around them.

“Oh my god.” Your head rocks back into Simon’s chest, panting with desperation. “Fuck, fuck I- I ca-can’t.” you protest, eyes smarting with tears, and he pulls away, trailing his touch back up to your clit, where he gives it a light pinch.

“Don’t you dare.” He demands and you shriek when he slaps your pussy, palm making contact with your clit, your legs jolting under his thighs. He brushes some hair from your face, your forehead damp with sweat, before pressing a kiss to your temple and reaching for Johnny’s cock, wrapping a fist around it and stroking him slowly. You’re still leaning against his back, but slouched now, and he can see the swell of your clit, the glisten of your thighs, soaked with your own arousal, from where he sits. “Do you want to feel him inside you, darling?” He asks, squeezing your flesh. You nod readily, shifting, until you’re spread wider, and he’s pulling your leg up by your knee, and then your calf. “Go ahead, Johnny. Give her your cock.” He watches when Johnny pushes inside of you, your body eagerly taking him, stretching around him. You hiss while he moves, clenching your eyes shut for a moment, before taking a deep breath, and letting go a little, body depressurizing gradually. It’s snug, he’s sure, with the plug and Johnny inside of you, and he rubs your clit in a circle, watching your face, delighted. When Johnny starts to pick up a faster pace, he presses his hand to his stomach, slowing him.

“Does that feel good?” he asks you, looking up at Johnny who’s watching the glide of his cock pump in and out of your pussy, agonizingly slow, his legs practically shaking with restraint.

“Unnf- I-“ you babble, hands against your chest. You’re concentrating, face intense, and he knows you’re trying so bloody hard not to come. Trying to be good.

“Do you want it faster?” He asks, fake sincerity dripping from his voice. You nod hastily, and he inclines his head to Johnny, who reads the signal well, picking up his pace, body slamming into yours while you practically scream in Simon’s arms.

“Si- Simon.” You sputter and wheeze. “Please, can I come?” your voice is thick, and he makes a show of appearing like he considers it before shaking his head with a simple no.

“No, darling. Slow down, Johnny.” Johnny groans, pressing his face into where your calf is still raised in the air, nipping at your skin while he drags his cock in and out of your body, excruciatingly slow.

“Nononono. Pl-please, Johnny- Harder.” Simon shakes his head, and Johnny face screws up, like he’s about to cry. He thrusts deep and Simon presses down on your lower belly, causing you to cry out. “Fuck, oh, fu-fuck. Oh- Si. I’m gonna-“

“No.” He pushes Johnny back, causing him to pull halfway out, and you whimper. “I think you need a break.” He murmurs, and you shake your head violently.

“No, no no, please…” But your pleading is no use, because Johnny’s already pulling away, leaving you empty and wanting. Simon motions for him to turn around, and he does eagerly, returning to his back, knees to the ceiling.

“Can you get our good boy ready for me?” He asks you, pitching his voice affectionately. “Don’t you think he deserves some attention?” You shake the stupor off, legs shaking underneath you while you lick your lips, and bend forward, crawling between Johnny’s thighs and perking your ass up into the air, right in front of Simon while you take Johnny’s cock between your lips. You’re trying to tempt him, trying to get him to plunge his cock inside of you, to make you come.

He wants to. He wants to so badly, he reaches a hand down to squeeze your flesh appreciatively, and you moan around Johnny, the vibration of your throat making the muscles in his thighs tense. You briefly glance over your shoulder before you adjust, your tongue dragging downwards over Johnny, where you prop his thigh on your shoulder and start to prep him for Simon, little grunts and whispers loosing from his lips while you work. You use your tongue first, lavishing his rim, slowly coaxing him into a relaxed state while you push into him, just barely. You stay like that for a while, working him open slowly, while Simon leisurely watches, occasionally ghosting a hand over your skin, or trailing his finger from where you’re dripping wet and swirling it around where your own rim is stretched around the plug, your muscles jumping and tensing beneath his touch. You’ll take them both tonight, and even though he clearly already made that decision, the image of you being full of both him and Johnny wracks him with a delicious shiver. Johnny moans, pulling his attention, to where you’ve got a finger pressing inside him now, dipping in and out of him gradually, teasingly, spit dripping from your mouth onto his perineum. You add a second, and Johnny groans, back arching just so when you crook your fingers up, seeking the spot that makes him lose his mind.

“Bloody- hell.” Simon can just barely see the curve of your lip, the evidence of your smile, your pure enjoyment when Johnny reacts to you, and it flushes him with something warm, something so sweet and soft it manages to surprise him. Only for them. 

“That’s it, good girl.” He praises you self-indulgently, because he knows what it does to you, knows how it can derail your focus and turn you to putty in their hands. “D’ya think he’s ready?” You nod, two fingers still stroking slowly inside of Johnny, pulling pleasure from him while you beam, his body pliant and sweet for Simon. He swats your ass because he can’t help it, loves to watch how your skin ripples under him, how your body moves for him, and you quiver.

He pulls you away, kissing the back of your neck while he shifts Johnny to the edge of the bed by his legs, moving him so his calves sit on Simon’s shoulders. Johnny locks eyes with him for a moment, and there’s something vulnerable there, something so gentle that Simon can’t help but drop his ankles and press his body on top of his, cradling Johnny’s face between his palms, kissing him softly.

“Alright?” he asks, and Johnny nods, eagerly before letting out a scratchy reply.

“Fuck me already.” He begs, and Simon chuckles, rearing up, pushing his knees towards his chest. You lay on your back, panting next to Johnny, staring up at Simon with wide, thirst filled eyes. He pulls one of your knees wide, admiring your weeping cunt, before pressing into Johnny slowly, giving him time to adjust, and the feel of him around his cock shoots straight to Simon’s brain, filling him with dizzying satisfaction. His body gives way for him, stretching to fit him just as he always does, and something burns inside Simon, some fierce feeling of possession, of love, fills him when he watches how Johnny’s face shifts the deeper he gets.

“Y’ feel so good.” He growls it, and Johnny moans, his muscles going taut as Simon works his cock in and out of Johnny’s body, the rhythm growing faster and faster, Johnny’s voice becoming desperately sharp whines and pleas.

“More, Si. F-fuck, more.” And he’s tempted, so tempted to fuck wildly into Johnny, to fill him with his come, but there’s more, there’s so much more to this night than the easy way out, and he has to take it slow.

“Christ, Johnny. Yer so fuckin’ tight.” He groans, folding himself forward to drag his lips across his skin in worship. Johnny moans, loudly, and Simon grinds his hips against his ass, pushing deep, fucking into Johnny unforgivably, grinding against the little sweet spot while his cock dribbles pathetically onto his belly. He strokes him, hand squeezing around the base on the down stroke, staving off a potential orgasm each time. Johnny shudders as Simon increases his pace, pumping faster, harder, all while squeezing the base of his cock, watching how Johnny writhes for him. “Touch yourself, love.” He instructs you, and your finger swirls around your clit, eyes locked on the two of them, drinking up the sight of them fucking like you always do, and the sound of their skin slapping together echoes around the room while you whimper.  

“Si-“ He howls, walls fluttering around Simon, his cock swollen and red, desperate to spill every time Simon grinds against him. He’s already so close, worked up after being inside of you, ready to come at any moment. “Shite, I- I-“

“What’s the rule, MacTavish?” He snarls, and Johnny blanches.

“Please can I come, I need ta come, please sir-“ he chokes off when Simon rubs his thumb over his tip, smearing the leaking precome around his head, while still plunging his cock through and through his body. You whimper, voice desperate, gaze wide, and he can tell that you’re close too. Perfect. 

“What a good boy, Johnny. Telling me what you need.” He tuts. “Do you want me to make you come?” There are tears in Johnny’s eyes, one spilling out down past his temple, and it’s a beautiful sight.

“Yes, y-es, cannae- fuck.” Simon glances over to you, where you’re frozen on the bed, hand not moving, suspended in the air, and he smirks. Smart girl. Johnny’s orgasms always push you over the edge. 

“Come for me then, come on. Let me see it.” He releases his grip from the base of Johnny’s shaft, pumping him once, twice, before Johnny’s body is locking up and he’s screaming, walls strangling down on Simon’s cock so much that he has to completely stop moving, otherwise he’ll come too. He strokes his cock through the orgasm, until it’s too much and Johnny’s whimpering through the overstimulation, hand trying to grab Simon’s wrist. “Good boy, did so well for me.” He murmurs, leaning forward to kiss him, slotting his lips against Johnny’s and giving him gentle, measured kisses until his breathing returns to normal and Simon is pulling his cock from his body slowly. He checks him, quickly, for tearing or damage, and then sweeps stray mohawk hairs from his forehead, giving him another honeyed kiss. “Alright?”

“Yeah.” Johnny responds, a little dazed but satisfied, and Simon leans over to you, brushing his lips across your kneecap, before cupping your pussy gently and pressing down on your clit.

“Don’t move.” He orders, rising from the bed, pulling a washcloth from the bathroom and cleaning himself efficiently with soap and warm water, before discarding it and returning to the two of you with a new one.

When he steps back onto the bed, Johnny’s laying curled around you, arms holding you tight to him, your face in his neck, chest heaving, and it’s enough to give him pause, reminding him to take a moment. He presses a palm against your spine, encouraging you to look at him, allowing you to take your time when you turn your head. You have a faraway look in your eye, a little bit of discomfort, a little bit of confusion, but no tears. Time to check in. 

“How old are you, darling?” He asks you gently, tapping Johnny on the thigh to turn over so he can wipe him down. When you give your answer, and your voice doesn’t shake, he feels a little better.

“And what is today?” When you give the date, with the day of the week, he smiles, kissing you on the cheek.

“Good.” He cleans Johnny slowly, basking in the whimpers that slip free when he presses the warm cloth to the head of his cock, before tossing it in the corner of the room. He’s still rock hard, desperate with want for the two of you, just as desperate as you are to come, he imagines. He wrenches you into his lap to straddle him again, cradling your face to take you in one more time before starting again and you draw a shaky breath. He pulls you onto your knees, instructing you to hover over where he fists his cock, and then grips your hip and drives you down slowly, the heat and silk of your walls clutching him greedily, desperate for what he’s about to give you. Catharsis. Release.

“Good girl.” You moan and he calms you, reaching for Johnny’s hand, pulling him close until he’s pressed against your back, already hard again. Lucky boy, Simon muses, gets to come twice today. “You’ve been bloody perfect for me, darling. We’re so lucky.” He starts, setting everything in motion, putting the train on the tracks and loading it with coal. He returns to cradle your face, rubbing his thumbs across your cheeks while he bottoms out in you, Johnny pressing the sweetest kisses to your shoulder. “You’re everything to us.” He says, and watches you start to crack, watches the pressure start to rise. “We couldn’t be happier with you.” Like lighting the fuse of a rocket. You blink, quickly, in rapid succession, like you’re trying to get a handle on yourself, and he swipes over your clit before asking you if you’re okay for the next. “Do you feel ready to take Johnny here?” His hand drifts down your back to twist the plug, and your eyes shutter.

“Yeah, please.” You answer breathlessly. 

“Slowly.” He tells Johnny, who lets out a breathy sigh. Simon strokes your clit while Johnny works you, pulling the plug free and lining himself up with your stretched rim, your cunt squeezing him with each pass over your swollen numb, your jaw slack with bliss, face tranquil and open like your body until he can feel Johnny’s cock inside you, and your eyes widen, breath choking off in a gasp.

“Jesus.” Johnny moans, hardly even moving, but feeling the press of Simon’s cock against his inside of you, only the tissue of your walls separating the two of them. Simon grits his teeth, holding you still by the grip he has on your hips, thrusting upwards into you very, very sluggishly. He thumbs your clit again, working in a circular motion, pressing at just the right angle, the touch sending sparks through your body, jolting your muscles into squeezing around both of them. Simon pulls Johnny’s hand forward, snaking it around your waist to press against your belly, pulling you back while also pushing down, the pressure making your lower lip quiver and eyes gloss over.

“That’s it.” Simon praises, still stroking your clit while jerking his cock up into your body. You jolt, and Simon holds you steady, pressing more firmly while murmuring sweetly to you. “So beautiful.” He kisses your neck. “So sweet for us.” He kisses your clavicle. “So breathtaking. You make us so happy, darling.” Johnny thrusts a little, just enough to get some friction, eyes slipping shut in a haze of pleasure and Simon can’t not marvel at the two of you, how perfectly you fit together, how sublime this entire moment is. Almost there. He works his hips up faster, not enough to jostle the three of you, but enough that delicious sparks of fire are moving through his body, and your cunt is twitching on his cock. You tense around him, muscles turning solid, and Johnny lets out a string of curses while Simon keeps his sights locked on you, his fingers pushing you closer and the closer to the orgasm you’ve been desperately chasing for hours. You stare back at him, eyes wide, brows creased as he thumbs your clit, and he watches with the deepest satisfaction as they grow wetter and wetter, tears gathering along your lids like you’re giving him a gift. “There you go.” He coos, and your body responds, heat pooling around his cock. “We love you so much. You’re doing so good for us, darling girl.” The tears spill down your cheeks now, and you sob, all while sinking your fingers into his shoulders, shuddering recklessly, not even caring that Johnny is buried inside of you, the sporadic movement sending him deeper and deeper.

“Please Si.” You cry, and paw helplessly at him. “Pl- please I need to come.” You gasp it, raw and frantic, and he continues to stroke your clit.

“Good girl. Thank you for telling me what you need.” He grinds his cock into you and you keen, right before he finally gives you permission to let go. “Come for us.” He says and it happens nearly automatically, your hips jutting back, and then forward, body locking down on both of them while you scream through your climax, and they both fuck you through it, Simon wildly chasing his own while Johnny spasms behind you, your walls milking them both with the waves of your orgasm. His own nearly blinds him, burning him with white hot pleasure, the feeling of filling you with his come at the same as Johnny igniting something possessive and out of control in his heart. He throbs inside you through his aftershocks, coming down from an impossible high, fingers groping blindly against you and Johnny to bring you both closer.

You sob in his arms, completely wrecked and shaking, like he knew you would be, finally broken, finally free.

“Shhh.” He murmurs, guiding your face into his neck where you wet his skin with hot tears. Johnny shifts, rubbing your back, kissing your shoulder blades before pulling out slowly, his come dripping from your rim, sliding down your skin to mix where Simon’s leaks from your cunt. “Shhh, we’re here, we’re right here.” He moves to pull out, so he can carry you into the bathroom, or lay you down, but you hold him tighter, breaths coming in sharp pants, and you cry harder into his skin. It’s not just the sex, or the orgasm denial, or any of it, but something more, something complicated that lives within you, that settles darkly against your soul sometimes. “It’s alright. Breathe, just breathe. You’re okay, you did so good.” Johnny presses light kisses to your temple, your cheek, all while rubbing your back with a firm, grounding touch.

“Washcloth.” He mouths to Simon, voice just above a whisper, and Simon agrees, reaching for his hand before he gets up, holding it tight in his grip and pulling him in for a kiss. If you notice Johnny’s absence after he slips away, you don’t say anything, steadily keeping your face buried in Simon’s neck until he gets back, breath stuttering in a choked hiss when you flinch away from the wet fabric against your skin.

“I need to clean you up, love.” Johnny gently dabs you with the cloth, moving you as needed to check for bruising or tearing, just as Simon does for him, before tossing it on the bed, and holding you by your upper arms.

“Bathroom.” Simon instructs, and Johnny nods, pulling you from his lap, displacing Simon’s cock and cuddling you into his arms, while Simon follows behind. You’re still crying, but you let Johnny place you on the toilet, mumbling for him to ‘get out’ while you pee, so they both stand on the other side of the door, even though it’s half open. They don’t leave you alone after something like this, as a rule, choosing to wait just a few steps away instead. While they do, Simon holds Johnny in his arms, rocking him back and forth from their standing position, caressing gentle fingers through his hair.

“I love you.” He whispers, the full effect of his own emotions cresting over him like a tidal wave, leaving him both wrecked and overflowing, while Johnny smiles. “I love you both.”

“I know. I love you too, Si.” They stay like that, until you come out, hands reaching for them, a little bit panicky like you thought maybe they disappeared, and Simon scoops you back into his arms, carrying you into bed while Johnny takes care of himself, and works on the aftercare list: pain cream, hot washcloth, water, snacks.

You burrow yourself in the blankets, tucking into Simon, face still teary while he speaks softly to you, telling you how good you were, how happy you make them, how proud he is of you, soothing your vibrant emotions until Johnny comes back, and they trade off so Simon can get cleaned up. Johnny will need aftercare too, time curled up in Simon’s arms, but they’ll do it after yours, sticking to the routine that has always worked for the three of them.

Simon’s grateful to see you slipping into a dream-like state upon his return, happy and floating, no longer crying with eyes soft and full of bliss, content in Johnny’s hold, half empty water bottle on the bed. He slides in between the blankets, his own body lax and sated, and reaches for Johnny and you, anxious to hold his whole world in his arms at this moment, unwilling to give it up or let it go for anything.

His Johnny. His darling. His.

#dead disco #peaches writes #ghost x soap x reader #ghost x reader x soap #ghost x soap #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #simon riley #john soap mactavish x you #john soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x you #simon riley x john mactavish x female reader #ghost mw2 #cod mw2 #simon riley x john mactavish #simon ghost riley x you #john mactavish #john mactavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish #johnny mactavish x reader #johnny mactavish #johnny mactavish x you #ghost call of duty

[fanaticsnail]

Will You Let Me?

Masterlist Here, Pollen Masterlist Here

Word count: 4,500+

Synopsis: Your crew was docked at a port, exploring a new land while you requested to remain behind. Enjoying being without the unruly bunch, your momentary calm was disrupted by the staggering step of your superior. Coughs, grunts and stuttering over his words: your concern grew more severe as you offered to help him through it.

Themes: pollen!killer x gn!reader, NSFW, mdni, 18+, smut, penetration reader!receiving, swearing, dubcon, begging, pleading, apologising, bruising, crying, rough, do not read if you do not enjoy the trope, fluff at the end, semi-ooc.

Notes: first time writing gn!reader smut! I enjoyed the challenge, but forgive me if there's a word that is used incorrectly! I am still learning inclusive language.

Pollen is a fun trope to play with, but please do not read if you don't enjoy.

Apprehensive Tag List: @sordidmusings @remisloves @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @since-im-already-here @mfreedomstuff @icy-spicy

The hot sun shone over the wooden deck of the Victoria Punk. The soft waves gently rocked the boat with a subtle lull, the screech of gulls only aiding your heart to swell in merry solitude.

It was a rare occasion that you were tasked to remain behind while the crew explored a foreign area. Your skills as a linguistics specialist usually meant your silver tongue was called for to coax a good deal, or to decipher scratchings on cave walls. Considering this area was only a port meant for resupply, Captain Kid deemed your skills unnecessary for the journey in land.

Never one to complain, and genuinely giddy at the notion of being secluded and alone for a change, you jumped at the opportunity to stay with the Victoria Punk. You adored your ship, and decided to utilise the opportunity to check over her planks, ropes, and panels that may be in need for repair.

As the day went on, you did not expect a member of your crew to return so suddenly: especially the hulking masked figure of Massacre Soldier Killer. Being the first-mate, he was usually by Kid's side, no matter the circumstances.

Coughing, sneezing and sputtering: Killer’s right hand shot out to grasp your left shoulder. The firmness of his grip was bordering on painful, prompting you to wince in response to the hard strangulation of flesh.

“Something gross hit me in the face,” he strained from behind the teal and ivory mask, “Stuck in my chest and my throat. Not feeling good. Gotta-... fuck-... I gotta lie down or something.”

Concern and worry knit itself over your face, examining the staggering movement of Killer’s body as he retreated below deck. He stuttered and gripped onto the wooden beams, walls and ceiling to stabilize his movement: his body almost giving way beneath the pressure.

“Kil, do you need-,” you began, halting as his voice raised over the top of yours.

“-‘M fine. D-Don’t worry, ‘kay?” he called over his shoulder before disappearing below deck. His large figure seemed to both be inflated and deflated with a foreign paralysis in his choppy, staggered steps. The waves did nothing to sooth him in his glide throughout the halls.

As soon as he reached crew-quarters, he all but shredded his clothes and cast them away from his body. His skin was alite with violent lust, his hands moving against his will to fist, claw and paw at the erogenous zones of his torso, stomach, legs, and his puckered nipples.

He arched his back as his hands gripped the base of his already steel-like cock, immediately pumping it in his right fist. His left hand clawed at the flesh of his chest and lay flat over his heart as he felt the rise in fluttered rapidity.

Scraping and gripping downwards with his left hand, he pushed hard on the base of his stomach, feeling how tightly wound the banded coil was wound in the pit of his stomach: bound hard enough to snap. Every muscle was tense, firm and aching for relief. He began sniffling and sobbing behind his mask, never truly experiencing the shame in the desperation his body was craving before.

He was the only one who managed to not avoid the hessian bag of powdered flowers falling from the rooftop of the naturopathic remedy building. Apologetic calls echoed down from the roof before panic began to rise in the workers. Killer could scarcely process voices above the throbbing ache in his lower abdomen.

Barely hearing several repetitions of Kid’s voice calling: “Killer, are you alright? Kil, are you alright?” All Killer could do was splutter and cough through the burning in his chest.

Golden flecks danced over his eyes beneath the mask, the pollen sucked immediately through the holes and embedded several clusters within the circular orifices. No matter how many times he wiped at the mask with his hands, he continued to inhale the sticky-sweet smell of herbal flowers within deep gulps of his lungs.

“Get him back home!” a hushed voice hurriedly spat at Captain Kid, “He needs a companion, someone to take care of him while he's going through this. Someone caring and kind enough to-.”

“-Don't tell me what to do! Kil, you know the way back to the ship from here?” Kid’s voice barked at Killer, prompting the blonde to spark a moment of clarity in his progressingly foggy mind, “The linguist is back there. They'll take care of ya’ if ya’ need it, okay?”

“Okay,” Killer managed to stutter out, his body scorching hot and violently in need.

“Okay!” Kid parrotted back, looking at the shopkeeper, “Okay, great. Now that's settled, we need a couple things from you. Let's get that sorted before-."

As Killer continued fisting at his cock, he felt release on the tip of his tongue. His eyes were scrunched tightly shut and his lips were parted wide. Unbeknownst to him, each time he panted through his heavy inhales and exhales; more of the toxic pollen punctured his lungs and poisoned his bloodstream with arousal.

He was consumed with lust, a beast untamed and unbridled. There was no release for him, no relief that came thereafter. He was isolated, confused, scared and manic. He needed something, someone, anyone-.

“-No,” Killer spoke aloud in a strangled whisper, “Not anyone. I need the linguist. I n-need-... fuck-... I need my linguist. Where i-is my linguist?”

Continuing about your task of ensuring all of the ropes were properly coiled and laid, your heart began to pang with guilt. You decided to cast aside all further self-induced tasks and seek out the first-mate you serve beside, attempting to offer him comfort through his illness. He seemed so adamant about isolation, but you felt called to be by his side.

Venturing below deck, his painful strain of wanton moans called to you. Muffled groans of pain exhumed from the room, cries of anguish falling through the door. Your deepest sympathies clawed at you to push through the door. Your hand hesitated it's rise against the wooden panel, your body almost walking away before you heard a gentle and heartfelt cry of your name falling from Killers lips.

“I-If you're there,” Killer’s voice again called for you, “Please come in. Please,” he chanted your name with a soft, strangled moan, “Please. I need you.”

Immediately, your body moved against your will. Twisting the knob to crew quarters, you swung the door wide and was immediately met with the sight of your first mate: glistening in beads of sweat and shed of all but his teal and ivory face covering, and viciously pulling at his cock.

“Killer! Why did you tell me to come in if you were doing that?” you shouted in a harsh whisper, immediately slamming the door shut behind you and scrunching your eyes tightly shut, “I don't want to watch that!”

Thick silence aside from the cruel pistoning of his firm hand slapping against his lower stimach engulfed the air. Soft huffs of muffled pants escaped gritted teeth, Killer's mask doing the heavy lifting in silencing his cries for you.

“I don't want you to watch,” Killer confessed in a soft, breathy whine, “Please don't watch,” he keened for you, “Participate.”

“Killer!” you shot over your shoulder at him with a warning tone, “What are you-?”

“-I would never a-ask if I didn't-...” He trained off in a strangled whimper, desperately clenching down on his tongue with his teeth and biting back his needy sobs, “...I-I need you. I need you. Only you.”

“Kil,” you sighed at him, your concern written over you'd face, “Have you taken something? Was it the gross thing from earlier? Did that have an effect on you? Like a drug-?”

“-Look at me,” a barked command exited the holes in the mask, “Please, look at me,” he pleaded, gasping as he grasped at his cock, fisting the flesh and whimpering as he was brought to the brink of ecstacy once again, “Just look at me, please. I just need your eyes on me. Eyes on me.”

“Killer,” you whimpered, finally turning to face him. As soon as your eyes met with the icy stare beneath his mask, you were entranced. Your body propelled you against forward, called to serve the needs of the first mate in a hypnotic trance.

“I need you,” he sobbed, reaching for you with his left hand as his right continued beating his weeping cock, “Only you. Please, let me have you?”

Your body continued reacting against your will, your brain becoming foggy as Killer’s lust thickened the air with all-consuming need. Shame coursed just as heavily throughout your body as the arousal at just the thought of taking Killer’s cock into you began coursing through your veins.

“Please,” he whined, his eyes holding your own as you stripped yourself of your clothes, “Please,” his lips spilt as you straddled his lap, “Please,” as you immediately began sinking yourself down over the tip of his knob.

His precum did little to prepare you your your descent, focussing on your wanton need to have him within you to open your body up to receive him. Killer moaned your name, crying out with baited breath as you slowly consumed all of his length with the grip of your tight hole.

As soon as he felt your heat take his entire length, he was already a babbling mess. There was no strings of cohesive thought as his length became strangled within your tight center. He immediately began shooting your body full of ropes of thick release, ribbon after ribbon of his pale translucent ecstasy.

He cried out for you in warning before painting your walls white with his sticky cum. The pearly beads of his lust coated your tight hole immediately, strings of praise falling from his lips as he rode through his high with you fully impaled on his thick cock.

But he remained firm, hard and desperate for more.

“Wha-...” he began, his understanding of his own arousal and relief not aiding him in the slightest as he thrust up into you. He moaned as he sheathed his lengthy shaft deep within you again, your own arousal now taking over as you started to roll your hips against him while sat fully engulfed by him.

“Killer, what's going on?” you questioned him, your confusion and worry knit on your face, “You're s-still hard.”

“I-I am,” he confirmed, a soft mewl of bliss echoed beneath his mask as he rolled his hips up into you, “What’s happening to me?”

His hands found your hips, rocking you above him as he began feeling another wave of need course through his veins. As his hands embedded into your hips, you winced at the sting. His strength depicted in his grasp, gripping you like a lifeline anchoring himself to the world surrounding him.

He tried.

He tried so hard to be gentle.

He wanted to be gentle for you. Needed to be gentle for you.

But his grip turned sinister, turned brutal and unforgiving as he thrust up into you. His end was coming to a close as he chased it with you writhing and pleading on his lap. His desperation enticed him to continue bullying your tight center with vicious snaps of his bruising slaps.

“Kil,” you called for him, feeling his cock touch a depth within you that had your back arching and mewling for him, “Oh, Kil. I'm close.”

“Please,” he begged, desperately thrusting up into your lap as his end stampeded before his eyes, “Please cum. Please. N-Need it.”

“Killer,” you called for him, feeling the band weave ever tighter within your abdomen, spiraling and coiling within the pit of your stomach, “Kil I'm gonna-.”

“-Oh, fuck!” he roared, his body immediately betraying him as he coated your insides with ropes of hot, sticky, and heavy cum for the second time. His balls sucked up inside his body, his entire being screaming in relief as his release was once again began satisfying his unbridled lust for you.

But his cock still remained firm.

Your eyes clenched firmly shut, the corners wincing at the slight pinch as the coil snapped deep within you. White-hot ecstacy coursed through your veins, your body releasing your bliss over yours, and Killers, bodies as you rode through your high seated on his lap.

His hands were firm, rocking you atop him with a guiding, harsh rhythm as you called his name. Your whole being was alight with passion, your eyes now opening and looking down at the man beneath you.

Killer didn't realize it until he felt his eyes roll back in his skull, his body immediately ushered into a third orgasm as your body milked him with the rhythmic thumps of your warm orgasm. But he still remained firm, hard and needy. He inhaled a deep, shaky breath: particles of pollen immediately spiraling in a cylindrical vacuum deep into his lungs.

“I c-can’t,” Killer called for you, immediately grappling you in his arms. He threw you beneath him, his vice-grip clawing at your hips as he pummeled down into your body, “I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop.”

You bit back a whimper, your body barely recovering from the prior spend of your hot release. Overstimulated, ill-prepared and encumbered with your new task at hand: Massacre Soldier Killer never let up. Not even for a moment.

In fact, he only got more intense, ferocious and brutal the moment your body began to milk his cock.

“P-Please know I'm sorry,” he choked out a strangled whimper. His fingers ached with the intensity he was gripping onto you with, leaving punctures of purple intents over your hip bones due to the butality he was burrowing into you.

“O-Oh fuck,” you sucked in your bottom lip, biting down hard as the corners of your eyes began pricking with tears, “It's okay, it's okay. I know. I can t-take it.”

You spoke through those words of confirmation, truly attempting to convince yourself of the ability to endure this rough treatment for as long as Killer needed to use your body for. Rough slaps of his hips smacked against your body, his veiny cock scraping itself through your body as his knob hit angles you didn't realize you could experience. It would equate to bliss if his grip wasn't so intense.

Excruciating agony and white-hot ecstacy were in a perfect marriage within your body beneath the hulking form of Massacre Soldier Killer. The harmonious entanglement driven further by the grunts, growls, roars from the man above you, only for them to turn into begging whimpers and pleas for you to endure just a moment longer.

“I kn-know this isn't-... f-fucking nnghm-... this isn't g-good for you,” his breathy whisper cut through his growls like a pick through ice, “I can't stop. I can't fucking stop.”

“It's okay, Kil. I p-promise it's okay,” you grit your teeth as his grip intensified on your hips, "You're good. You're b-being so good." His rhythm was unforgiving, the pace and rate his body rut into you was tormenting, brutal and punishing.

This was not the first-mate you knew. The beast in his stead was as violent as Killer was in battle, ripping bones and slashing through flesh. This was not at all what you anticipated from aiding Killer through this feat of lust.

His desperation was abhorrent, something he was repulsed by. He never dreamed of joining his body with yours in this strenuous and savage manner. He wanted to be kind, always kind, only ever kind, should you grant him the access to you he so desperately longed for from afar.

Softly spoken, dutiful and almost loving. That's who you knew him to be, and that's who he wanted to be for you. Your friend, your comrade in arms, your senior serving crewmate who you trusted to have your back.

How would you ever trust him again after this? How could he ever trust himself? That push and pull of chasing his relief with you caged beneath him coincided with the tug of his heart and the fog of his mind. He wants you to trust him after this. He wants you to look him in the eye and tell him you still want him. He needed that from you; the confirmation this was not only simply for now, but something he could have once again.

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” he sobbed into your neck, the cool surface of his mask grounded you. Huffs of his breath poked through the holes in his mask, his icy-blue eyes were scrunched tightly shut while his body remained alight like a beacon in darkness.

He had already reached his climax three times, shooting burst after burst of his sticky cum deep within you. Although relief was found immediately afterwards, his cock continued to remain stiff as the steel of a blade in a snow storm.

He just couldn't stop. Why couldn't he stop?

“Kil, I-I think you n-need-... ahh,” you mewled as he moved his hands up to your waist, his broad fingers splayed out to perch like a bird of prey against your skin. He rammed his full length in and out, your stomach beginning to ache with the bulge protruding deep within your abdomen.

“N-Need you,” he groaned in your ear, his hips stapling you against the floor with each cruel slap, “Need to keep going. Almost th-there again.”

“I know, Kil. I know,” you soothed his hair in your hands, trails of wet tears streaked your cheeks with how much sensations your body was taking, “Take what you need, I'm here.”

“I’m gonna-... I'm gonna- f-fuck. I'm gonna cum again,” he groaned deep within his mask, his voice picking up at the end in a small shuddery whimper, “Oh fuck, oh fuck. I'm cumming.”

Your head rolled back, eyes wide as you felt him empty himself within you for a fourth time. The sticky splashback of his hot cum trickled out of your needy hole, his cock buried up to the hilt with his spend leaking over his pubic hair and thighs. He huffed against your shoulder, his mask almost becoming loose over his face as he recovered.

“Good boy,” you cooed at him, pressing a soft kiss onto his bare shoulder as he shuddered and shook through his fourth spurt of ecstacy, “Good boy, Kil. Get it all out.” His cock twitched at your title bestowment, the hardness of his steely cock refusing to deflate no matter the amount of release he pumped into you.

“I-It’s not going down,” he whimpered into you, his hips beginning to roll against yours once more, “It's not going down. I don't know what to do,” his sobs began to shake at his shoulders.

“It's okay,” you winced out, feeling the heat of release exiting from your overspent body with ooze of fluid, “I-I think you need to take your mask off.”

“Wh-What?” he gasped at you, his hands continuing to hold you firmly against the mattress of his bed, “The mask off?”

“Some-... fuck, Kil-... something hit you in the face, ri-right?” your voice was several notes higher than your usual cadence, crying beneath him as he pummeled into you, “Might be still in your mask. Take it off. I'll close my eyes, I'll not tell a soul,” you winced, clamping your eyes tightly shut, “I'll be good. I'll tell no-one.”

Killer immediately halted his thrusting, his body in momentary stasis as your words reached him. His body screamed at him to keep going, to keep pummeling into you, to keep chasing his high that was just within reach. But he stopped, his cock sheathed deep within you.

“Look at me,” he purred down at you, his hands still firm on your waist. His grip grasped you tighter, misbehaving beneath Killer's pleading to hold you more gently.

Unclenching your scrunched eyes, you gazed up at him as his hands left your body and unclasped the mask from shrouding his face. Icy blue eyes, as pale as the sky and as deep as the ocean pierced you as his gaze met with yours. Your breath was stolen from within your lungs, choking back on your surprise at his appearance.

Massacre Soldier Killer was beautiful.

“Look up at m-me,” he stammered, his hips rolling against yours as his cock burrowed deep within your body, “Look at me. I n-need you to see me. I need you to see how desperately I need you.”

His eyelashes fluttered, his eyelids growing heavy as his rhythmic thrusts began to pick up their intensity. Your eyes never left his for a moment: not to look at his lips, not his beard, nor his angular cheekbones, nor his nose. His eyes were what captivated you most, holding you hostage as their glassy hue glazed over to chase his high within you.

“Y-You were right,” he huffed between thrusts, “My lungs aren't burning, and I-I think this is it. Th-This one is it.” His pace was excruciating, but the satisfaction you were beginning to feel build itself within you screamed at you to let him continue using you.

“You can do it, Kil,” you rolled your hips to match his pace, staring up through half-hooded lashes into his eyes, “Use me. Take me, I'm yours.”

“You're mine,” he moaned his growling voice down at you, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against your neck, “Perfect for me. Made for me.” His cock twitched deep within you, your body reacting to his needy chase and toppling over with his final release.

“F-Fuck, Kil!” you cried, your body beginning to throb, your thumps of bliss coaxing Killers balls to empty deep within, “I-I’m-... I’m cumming. Killer, I'm cumming!”

“Cum with me, cum with m-me,” he begged, his pace picking up as his cock finally began weeping it's spend for the fifth time deep within you, “With me. F-Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Pants of breath, fluttering of elevated heartbeats and joint cries of bliss ricocheted off the wooden walls of the crew-quarters of the Victoria Punk. Killer's mask lay discarded beside the door, lulling in the subtle rock of the waves over the floorboards as you both fell away from your mutual highs.

Killer moved his head away from your shoulder, gazing down to where your bodies remained joined together in awe. His lips were agape, his eyelashes fluttering as he pulled himself away from you. Watching the floodgates open from your abused entrance, your mutual juices coating both of your stomachs, thighs and soaking the mattress beneath you.

Killer looked to your hips, his lips parting and eyes becoming teary as he noticed the damage showcased on your body.

Marks littered your skin, deep hues of purple branded your flesh, depicting Killer's unrestrained lust and need for you. His bliss was eclipsed by deep sorrow as his fingers gently caressed the elevated indents in your skin. Sensing his unease, you immediately flung your hands up and collected his cheeks in your palms.

“I can handle it,” your eyes searched his, looking between his deep, blue orbs with your eyes only depicting support and affection, “I wouldn't have let you do it if I couldn't handle it.”

Killer turned his head, his lips meeting your palm with his whiskered chin tickling your flesh. This small moment of affection felt more sacred, more secret, and more intimate than the emassment of bodily fluids you shared moments prior.

“I shouldn't have been so rough with you,” he scolded himself, “I will never be rough with you again.” His fingertips caressed your hips, soothing over your aching flesh and wordlessly apologizing with deep, intentional touches.

“Are you feeling okay, Kil?” you asked him, lazily cocking your head to the side, “Don't need to go again?”

“Fuck, no,” he huffed through a small, squeak of laughter, “Not right now, at least.”

Smiling up at him, you propped yourself up on your elbows and gazed deeply into his eyes. You couldn't get enough of the luxury it was to gawk at the handsome man who just spent himself within you five times in consecutive succession.

He truly was beautiful.

“Does that mean you want to do this again?” you asked him while attempting to not show how eager you were. You began taking your time to examine his muscular physique before snapping your eyes back up to his blue orbs. A red hue tinted his cheeks, his eyes darting around the room before rejoining your own.

“I would like to, yes,” Killer admitted at last, sucking in a breath as he anticipated your refusal. Your smile spread up your face, prompting you to immediately spring yourself up to meet his body with your own.

“Crew’s still out for a while,” you shrugged, looking around the crew-quarters you had both tainted with the stains of your aroused fluids, “We should clean this up,” you drew your eyes up to meet his, coy and bashful, “And maybe we could have a bath together-?”

“-Please,” he spoke over you, far too quickly for his liking but too lost to hold back the floodgates of emotional excitement, “Let me bathe with you. I'll wash your hair, massage your body. I'll make sure you're so, so spoiled after all this, if you'll let me?”

A small squeal of joy found its way to your lips, buzzing at the notion that he not only wants to be with you again physically, but he desired to treat you to the luxury of continuing to gawk at his uncovered face further by bathing with you.

“Will you let me?” Killer asked, his voice still holding that eager anticipation that caused you to both melt and soar in unison. You eagerly nodded, prompting Killer to hook his arms beneath you and elevate you into his chest.

Your fingers quickly drew themselves up to his lengthy blonde hair, detangling the sweat-damp strands and toying with the soft curls framing his face. You hummed in contentment as his smile freed itself on his face, glancing at you as you continued enjoying his luscious, thick locks.

“Let's go then,” he cooed down at you, his lips finding your forehead as he cradled you against him, “Let me spoil you for being so good to me. I need to treat you right.”

“Don't forget your mask!” you quickly uttered, causing him to pause and search your face for clarification. You smiled at him, gently reaching your lips up to press against his cheek, “Gotta clean the damn thing, unless you want to experience all that again?”

“Good point,” he huffed, using his feet to kick along his mask to the bathroom as he chaperoned you within his arms, “I prefer my own desire to come from me,” he confessed as soon as he reached the door, “And I want to show you how much I truly do desire you.”

“I can't wait,” you smiled in return, wincing as your body’s adrenaline seeped out of your body and the pain caught up to you.

“I promise I'll be gentle with you,” he confessed, his eyes innocent and brows triangulating in a peak in the center of his forehead, “I won't be rough.”

“I can take a bit of rough treatment,” you challenged him in return, smiling into his bare chest as he began to run the bath.

“I know you can,” he smiled down at you, pressing a small kiss against your temple, “But you don't have to, unless you really want to.”

#one piece #x reader #op killer #massacre soldier killer #killer x reader #op killer x reader #massacre Soldier Killer x reader #op killer smut #killer x reader smut #pollen fic #one piece pollen #op pollen fic

[runningfrom2am]

in this life or the next

summary: It's the seventy-fifth annual Hunger Games, and you were just unlucky enough to get picked; but lucky enough for this Quarter Quell to feature pre-selected teams. You get paired up with District One's pride and joy, the one and only Rafe Cameron.

pairing: rafe x fem!reader

wc: 15k (oh my LORD)

tags/warnings: its the hunger games so like... yeah... violence and gore and stuff. definitely swearing, spoilers for the og Hunger Games movie I guess (but also not bc i changed it up a bit- you'll see), reader has a special talent that i won't spoil here, Rafe is lowkey a dick at the beginning, Ward being a shitty dad (what's new). also this isn't thoroughly edited bc.. its 15k words and i'm lazy.

masterlists // nav // requests

join my taglist here

a/n: hello lovelies!! oh my gosh i have been slowly chipping away at this for actual literal months, and i am so proud of how it turned out!! i’m really glad i could finally post it by my birthday!! (i’m 23 wtf??)

thank you so much if you're going to put in the time to read this, but it honestly means a lot to me that you've made it this far. reblogs and likes would be so appreciated and let me know your thoughts in the replies! i really, really hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. let me know if you want a part two of what happens post games, bc i think i left it at a minor baby sized cliffhanger. anyway, i’m off to eat cake now! enjoy!

Staring blankly out at the crowd in front of you, you attempt to process the echoing of your heartbeat in your ears.

"I'd like us to give a round of applause for our brave, brave tributes this year, and wish them the best of luck in this year's quarter quell!" Your attention is drawn to the woman next to you, the District Five escort, Opal, dressed head to toe in bright yellow. A universally happy color- what a joke.

The crowd is mostly silent and you can't bear the thought of even glancing in the direction of your parents. You turn silently as you're ushered back into the building from the stage, tripping slightly over your feet as the shock sets in. People are talking, possibly to you, but you can hardly hear a thing. You almost made it. You were almost eighteen- one more year and you would have been free.

You were granted the briefest of goodbyes to your family, but you were tempted to even turn that down. An action you regret not taking as your parents walk into the room, your mother with tears already coating her cheeks and your father trying to keep a strong resolve for you and your siblings.

"We'll see you soon, Bug. Remember we love you," He whispers into your hair as you sob into his shoulder. You know he doesn't necessarily mean in this lifetime.

Your tunnel vision settles back in as you're walked out of the room, glancing one last time over your shoulder only to see your dad's shoulders shaking from his silent cries as he turns his back to you.

You are quickly pushed onto the train taking you out of District Five, ignoring the other three tributes and your mentors as they talk. You just stare out the window with tired, red eyes and say a silent goodbye to the home you're already sure you'll never see again.

"Y/N..?" The girl next to you says, tapping you on the shoulder and making you jump.

"Hm?" You hum your acknowledgment, looking at the girl beside you. She's only a year older than you, and you went to school together for years; Maisie, you remember.

"I just wanted to make sure you hear them," Maisie whispers, gesturing to Opal as she starts to explain what the premise of the games is this year.

"So," she claps her hands together, clad in tacky yellow gloves. "I'm sure you have noticed that this year there are four of you, and you'll each be paired up with another tribute to compete. Not necessarily from your own District, but, anything is possible, I suppose. The exciting news is that there's a possibility for two winners this year! You and your teammate will be given a score throughout the games, and if your score as the final two is above ten, you will both be crowned victors!" The woman says excitedly- like it's a good thing.

"And if we don't have over ten?" The boy sitting across from you asks flatly.

"Well... the games shall continue," Opal explains vaguely, but you know what that means. You've seen it before.

"Okay, well, how do we get a good score?" The boy asks.

"I-" The escort starts, hesitance clear in her tone as she's quickly interrupted.

"You kill people," Your female mentor answers. She's leaning her elbows on the end of the table, standing with a knife in her hand, spinning it around like it's some kind of toy.

Your eyes drop from her form, staring down at the table in front of you, suddenly remembering your glass of water and quickly grabbing it when you realize your mouth has gone completely dry just from the idea of what's to come.

You arrive at the Capitol in the middle of the night and despite this fact, the crowds are still there. You didn't expect this, even though you've seen it on the beat-up television in your living room every year. It feels less real, somehow, when you're the one getting pushed through the crowd, not knowing what to do besides give awkward smiles to people yelling your name.

Your room is beautiful. You've never seen anything like this, but you can fully customize it at will with a remote, and this level of technology fascinates you. You spend hours flicking through different images that can appear on the walls, surrounding you in another world. Exhaustion and the sound of an artificial thunderstorm put you to sleep with the remote still resting in your palm.

"Up, up, up, my dear! We've got a big day ahead!" Opal's cheery voice startles you awake from your less-than-cozy spot on the floor. "There's breakfast on the table then we've got to get you down to prep, so hurry up, please." She says, and just like that she's gone, no doubt off to wake the other District Five tributes in a similar fashion.

"You're going to be meeting your teammates for the first time today so you can train together- gosh isn't that just so exciting!" Opal claps as you all stand in the elevator. There's a silence that follows as you and Maisie just nod, not excited about the whole idea. You're about to meet someone who will either be spending the last days of your life with you, or be killing you themselves, and you're not fond of either.

"This way you'll get to train together first, which I do believe to be a very generous act on behalf of the game makers." She adds, making you roll your eyes. How considerate. The most you can hope for is someone who is capable, and preferably someone who isn't in the twelve to fifteen age range, having seen that there were several drawn from different districts.

You shift on your feet as you try to adjust to the uncomfortably tight catsuit they squeezed you into, covered in what must be sapphire and diamond rhinestones, pinching your skin with every slight movement. Gold accents line the seams of the suit, extending out into something that resembles wings and lightning bolts protruding from your back. District Five; power. You get it, but we're the diamonds necessary? You hardly take note of the varying outfits you're surrounded with from the other kids in your district, before Opal is guiding the four of you up the line of extravagant carriages you're meant to parade out on for the people of the Capitol to fawn over.

You take note of where all of the other tributes from Five are lead, guessing based on the order of carriages that Maisie got paired up with another girl from Eleven, and the boys somehow ended up paired together. There must be some sort of personal aspect to this decision, considering you have watched those two boys fight back home. You're last, and Opal looks at you excitedly as you follow her up, and up, and up- to the very front of the line.

"Surprise!" She grins, clapping excitedly as you approach the very first carriage. "Y/N, getting paired with a career is huge. Your odds are good already, your partner has trained his whole life- he even volunteered."

"Sucks for him." You mutter under your breath as you get closer, eyeing up the boy in front of you, wearing an almost matching outfit. All the rhinestones make sense now, blending power with luxury could only mean as much.

"Y/N Y/L/N, meet Rafe Cameron. He'll be your teammate in the games." She smiles as she introduces you.

"Hi." You say quietly, taking his hand as he holds it out to you to help you up onto the carriage.

"Hey." He mutters, avoiding your gaze. It's off to a rough start for him for sure, seeing he's being paired up with someone from an outlying district must be daunting, when for you it should be exciting. Rafe did volunteer, yes, but he doesn't want to risk any kind of attachment- despite what the people of the Capitol want for their entertainment. He wants to come out alive, he doesn't care so much about who he's with.

"Okay, Y/N, remember to smile, please." Opal reminds you and you nod, looking down at her as you hold onto the handle in front of you.

You promise her with a nod, willing to do almost anything at this point to win the favour of possible sponsors. Again, your odds look better next to a career on that front, as well.

Quickly everyone is cleared away from the horses and the carriages and you start moving, catching you off guard and you stumble a little, readjusting your grip on the railing. "Careful." Rafe says beside you, quick to reach out to steady you if you needed it. You think you see the smallest of smiles on his face, but that must have just been your own mind trying to find comfort in anything around you.

"I got it." You whisper, blushing slightly. You've been with your teammate for all of a minute, and you're already proving yourself to be clumsy.

The lights hit your eyes the same time all the cheering does, being the first carriage, it's already so loud you can hardly hear yourself think. You snap out of it quickly, plastering on a smile once you see your own face on a giant screen ahead of you, you don't even look like yourself anymore. Your eyes land on the screen adjacent to the one showing you, seeing Rafe as well. He's smiling too, clearly having headed Opal's advice, or his many years of training is getting to him and he's excited. You really don't know. Then his head turns, and you turn your head as well, making dead eye contact with him for only a moment before he's looking past you into the crowds, taking in the moment.

When you finally get out of the extremely public eye and back into the building you exited from, you feel like you can finally breathe again. Not fully, in the tight, rigid suit they had you dressed up in, but more than you realized you were with all that yelling in your ears and lights in your face.

"District Five, right?" Rafe asks you as you're both stepping down and you nod. "Jeez, you don't talk much, do you?" He follows up with, taking a water bottle from someone who's walking by with them.

"I talk." You reply quietly. "Just... not much to talk about at the moment."

"The shock? Yeah, that'll do it." He nods, taking a sip from the water bottle and holding it out to you. You shake your head and push it away, making him shrug. "Shitty bust when you're not a volunteer."

You just stare at him, taken off guard by the comment. "That being said..." He leans in closer to make sure no one else hears. "I've been waiting my whole life for this, so don't ruin it for me, yeah?"

You pull back away from him and just nod again, not wanting to get on his bad side already. He won't be the one to kill you, probably, but it would still be nice if you spent your final days without your teammate hating your guts. "Thanks, darling." He smirks, patting your shoulder and brushing past you to go to the elevators.

The next day, bright and early yet again, you have your first day of training. You're sure Rafe won't even need it, but you certainly will. Your mentor told you he will likely be using it to size up the other tributes, especially considering there is a staggering amount of them this year, and you will need to focus on survival skills. Only survival skills, if you had to pick one thing- and your mentor drove that into your head until it was all that was echoing in your mind when you entered the training center.

After the trainers speech which ironically tried to do the same thing, you beeline straight for the fire making station. You're shocked to see almost no one else listened, definitely none of the boys, mostly lining up to show off their physical strengths, likely to try and intimidate each other. You'd be lying if you said it wasn't working.

You look up as you hear echoing laughter coming from the other side of the room, eyes scanning over the wall lined with silhouette targets, and racks with an array of weapons before landing on your teammate, laughing away with the other career tributes over a joke you didn't hear. He's got a spear in one hand, leaning his weight on it as his head drops back with laughter. You shake your head to get back on task, rolling the rough wood in your palms in hopes of making a spark. Good to see at least one of you is having fun, especially in your final days.

After a few minutes you get it, sitting back into your calves where you were kneeling on the ground, taking a breath of relief as you're satisfied with your success. You glance around to see how others are doing, giving a small smile and wave to Maisie when you see her, reading a book about different edible plants and trying desperately to memorize every image. You watch as Rafe takes the same spear he was leaning on before, hurling towards one of the targets. A direct hit, right in the chest, slightly right of the centre. You jump a little at the sound it makes on impact, looking finally at the boy who threw it.

He's pacing, huffing and looking a little frustrated with himself. A little to the left would have been perfect, but it was a kill shot nonetheless. There would be no coming back from that, and you count yourself lucky that it likely won't be you in place of the target in the games.

You quickly put out your fire and try again, making sure you've got the hang of it. You'll sit here all day if you must. After three more successful attempts, you're satisfied for the day, deciding you'll return to that station tomorrow and try again. You get up and brush the dirt off your knees, trekking over to where they have supplies to make game traps. You've never done this before, but there's no better time to learn, especially since your teammate has shown no interest in survival skills so far today.

"What are you doing?" Suddenly Rafe is standing behind you, as you're once again kneeling on the ground attempting to get the trigger on your bladeless trap to work.

You jump a little, startled by someone talking to you. "Uh, trying to make a snare, I think." You answer, turning to look up at him.

"Looks good." He nods, crouching down next to you. "Uh, isn't there supposed to be a blade or a spearhead or something on that piece?" He says, pointing to it.

"Well, yeah, I just didn't want to stab myself by accident." You laugh slightly, trying the trigger again- and this time it works, snapping forward into his arm.

"Ouch, yeah, fair enough." Rafe chuckles, rubbing the spot on his arm where the wood made contact.

You just nod and begin to reset it to test it again. "What if you can't get any of this shit in the arena?" He asks.

"What, a stick?" You ask, hitting the trigger one more time, sending the stick into his arm again, which he had decided not to move.

"Ow! Yes, a stick. We don't know what it will look like." He rubs his arm, examining the trap you built closer now.

"Then we're screwed I guess." You joke, leaning back on your calves again, watching him dissect it piece by piece to figure out how it works.

"So, is this like, your thing?" Rafe asks, and you tilt your head at him as you think it over.

"My thing?" You ask, unsure entirely what he meant. "I've never made one before, if that's what you're asking."

"Really?" He seems shocked by this.

"Uh, yeah, really. Unfortunately for you, you got paired up with someone who has zero survival or combat skills."

Rafe looks at you, a smug grin crossing his features. "Ha ha, very funny." He clearly thinks you're joking, but you're definitely not.

"I'm serious." You say, confused as to why he doesn't believe you.

His smile falters, replaced with wrinkles of confusion on his forehead. "But- I just watched you look at the instruction book for no more than like, three seconds before sitting down to make this."

"And..?"

"If you've never done it before it's supposed to be harder than that."

"Well, I've seen other people do it on TV and stuff every year for like, ever." You shrug. "I've just got a good memory, I guess."

Rafe nods, looking at the deconstructed trap in front of him for a moment, thinking about the implications of this. How far does this go? Could he use it? He'd never dreamt of having to work in a team in his games, but maybe it would benefit him after all. "Come with me." He stands up, and you follow as he paces over to two big screens, covered with a large array of different symbols.

"Try this, I just want to see something." Rafe says, standing next to you with his arms crossed as you quickly look over the screen, reaching down toward the one in front of you. You notice quickly that the screens mirror each other, all the images placed in the same spots as they are above. You look up at your teammate briefly who nods at you and then you tap one, watching it disappear from both screens before you tap the matching symbol. It's a matching game.

Your eyes are locked on the top screen as you tap away at the bottom one, quickly making all the images disappear one by one. It takes you no more than a minute to get rid of them all, and then a timer appears on the screen replaying your every move in real-time. Forty-two seconds. Were you really going that fast?

"Neat." Rafe says to himself, nodding as he watches it replay on the screen. That was impressive, sure, but his mind is straining to find a practical implication for this in the arena. "Go back to survival stuff. Learn as much as you can." He settles on, turning and walking off back to where he was before, returning to combat training.

The four days of training fly by insanely fast, and that's likely due to your dread of what's to come. you've got through everything in survival no less than three times, and you're pretty sure last night you dreamt of plants and making a fire. Not surprisingly, Rafe has left you pretty much alone the whole time, but you did watch from a distance as he cycled through every weapon the training center had to offer, proving he's almost mastered every last one. Of course, with over ten years of training, anything less wouldn't make sense. What scares you is the other careers showing a similar skill level to that of your teammate, but he seems to be on good terms with them. Again, maybe this would be a good thing in the beginning of the games.

You sit down for your last day of making fires and fishing hooks, working solely on memory since day one, you're feeling pretty confident that the elements or exposure won't be what takes you out- but you don't know if that's a good thing or not. You just hope your death will be quick.

"Y/N, c'mere." Rafe is suddenly calling to you, motioning for you to join him in the combat area. Not seeing much of a choice, and not looking forward to another day of doing the same thing over and over, you listen.

You make your way over, avoiding the gaze of other tributes who are looking at you like you're about to make a fool of yourself. It's possible you are. "I want you to learn how to use this." He says as you walk up, holding out the handle of a knife to you.

You take it, turning the sharp blade over in your hand. "I thought you were the weapons master." You joke, looking up at him briefly.

"Well, I need you to make fires and shit so you have to stay alive somehow, and if we get separated or something I need to know you can at least defend yourself. These are good from a distance and up close, but remember that any weapon you have they can take and use against you. So keep distance whenever you can." He answers, pointing over to the target about fifteen feet away. "So, throw it."

You look over to where he was pointing, adjusting your grip on the handle as you nod, taking in the information he's dumping on you. He is probably right, especially since you don't think he plans on protecting you himself. Why would he? If you die, he can still win without you.

You lift your arm over your shoulder, closing one eye to narrow down your aim before throwing it hard towards the target, which the knife bounces off of and clatters to the ground. You and Rafe both turn at the same time to look at the group that's laughing at you, the clang of the metal on the cement echoing loudly in the vast space.

"Don't worry about them. They're not there." Rafe is quick to grab another one, handing it to you the same way. "Try again, this time, hold it like this..." He says, grabbing your hand and placing your fingers in the correct spots on the handle. "Keep your wrist tense and straight, don't flick it or anything. Yeah, like that." He nods, taking a step back.

You look over how you're holding it, committing the feeling and finger placement to memory before raising your arm again. You throw it again, and this time it sticks, but your aim is off and it ends up in the target's leg. You look over at Rafe, unsure if you're hoping for approval or just satisfaction. "That's perfect." He nods. "Not a death blow, but that'll buy you time to get away. which is all you need."

"Okay." You agree quietly.

"Would it help if you watched me?" He offered, already grabbing a new knife while you nod. "So, you want to follow through with the throw, your shoulders should end about here if you're doing it right. You get more power that way, and better aim." He explains, standing with one foot forward, parallel to the target.

You step back to watch his strategy, noting the way he held the blade and his form when he aimed to throw it. He lets it fly from his fingers as his shoulders fall forward, smirking to himself as it hits the bullseye circle, right in the chest.

"You got it?" He asks, standing up straight again. You nod in response and he's handing you yet another knife to try again.

You go back and forth for hours, not caring that you're keeping anyone else from practicing. You're not the best at it, but it's become muscle memory now, and every time it sticks, most of the time hitting the silhouette somewhere. You tried the moving targets briefly, the gold, pixelated figures running at you quickly. You were immediately overwhelmed, and Rafe ended up having to step in to help. He said after that the minimal skill you had would be good enough to get away, and that is all you would need. You just have to focus on that.

You didn't talk a lot, besides taking a few short breaks to gather the knives and his arrows as Rafe explained the pros and cons of every weapon they had present, showing you briefly how to use some of them. Mostly how to defend yourself against them. It's hard for him to sum up years of training in one day, but he's dead set on the idea that you won't need most of it- just having to focus on keeping the two of you sheltered and fed, he can handle the rest; hopefully.

You sit outside the training center next to Rafe, waiting for your name to be called. It was the youngest female tribute from his district first, so if you had to guess, you would be third and fourth to go, which doesn't buy you a lot of time to decide what to do to best show your skills.

"What are you gonna do?" You ask, whispering in the deathly quiet room.

"Huh?" Rafe hums, leaning closer to hear you better.

You clear your throat, before speaking this time, unsure if you were clear enough. "What are you gonna do? Like which skill?" You clarify.

"Oh, uh..." He mutters, adjusting how he's sitting as he thinks about what to say. "I'm just going to cycle through some different weapons, different distance targets, I think. My mentors want me to show like, a variety of what I can do."

You nod at this, making a mental note of that. Maybe you should do the matching game and then try the knives. Opal told you that you would be scored both individually, and as a team. You hope you won't bring down his score too much, since you know he's aiming high. You planned on going for a mid-level score, not to be seen as a threat but also not as an easy kill. A perfect six would be your ideal score. "What about you?" Rafe interrupts your thought process.

"I'm not sure." You answer honestly.

"You should do your survival stuff. That will improve our team score, if we show them we have strengths at both." Rafe suggests. That's not actually a bad idea. Your individual score will likely be lower, but that's a risk you're willing to take.

"Yeah, I'll do that."

You ended up scoring a six, the judges obviously not seeing you as any kind of threat. This is what you expected, though, and you were correct about your group score as well. Rafe and you together scored a ten. On his own, he scored a ten, so you hadn't affected it in the way you feared. This left you reeling over the idea of other tributes seeing you both as a threat as you stand in yet another extravagant dress, waiting in line to be called out for your interview. The games were tomorrow, and the last thing you wanted was to get in front of a crowd and subtly plead with them to let you live, to send you gifts, and to give you their sympathy.

So far it's been in the same order they called everyone for assessments yesterday, which means you would be next. Rafe stands behind you, arms crossed in a suit that looks more expensive than any you've seen back home in all of your life, but he looks comfortable in it. Your dress is once again covered in rhinestones, and your waist is cinched in so tight you can hardly breathe as it is, so you're not looking forward to going on stage.

"Our next tribute, welcome to the stage from District Five, Miss Y/N Y/L/N!" You hear the familiar voice of Caesar Flickerman calling you out and some guards usher you forward onto the stage, very briefly glancing over your shoulder at Rafe.

You're quick to smile as you turn back around, giving a small wave to the host and then out to the audience as they cheer for you. For a brief moment, you feel as if they don't plan on watching you die as early as tomorrow, you feel as if they're rooting for you. "Hi!" You say as you get closer and Caesar stands up to greet you, shaking your hand and giving you a quick hug before gesturing for you to sit down across from him.

You look around the large theatre, spotting every camera you can. Your family is out there watching, somewhere, and you know they'll see right through this show you have to put on. You wish they wouldn't. You can picture so vividly your living room back home, with your parents and siblings scattered across the couch and the floor watching you with bated breath, they can see you- and on some level, you can see them too.

"Miss Y/L/N. Thank you for being here." Caesar sighs, reaching out and patting your hand where it sits on the armrest next to you.

"Well, I didn't have any other plans for the night, so..." You shrug, making him laugh. Laughter echoes from the audience and you smile, hoping that your plan to win people over is working.

"What? A beautiful girl like you?" He asks after he's done laughing. "You weren't planning on spending some of your free time with your teammate?" As if you got even a minute of free time since you've been here.

"Well, I guess we'll never know." You chuckle, looking back at the boy where he stands in the wing, giving you a small smile.

"Now listen, Y/N, Rafe is..." He has to stop after mentioning his name as cheers erupt again, laughing as he waits for the audience to quiet down. "Your teammate is, as you may have guessed, a popular face in the Capitol right now. Are you feeling lucky about your pairing?"

Rafe crossed his arms as he watches intently, feeling smug about his odds, especially now knowing the Capitol's opinion of him. He knows his dad is back home watching, full of pride that his son has become a fan favourite.

"I am." You answer honestly. "He's very talented."

"And handsome, don't you think?"

"I mean, who am I to argue with the people?" You joke, waving your hand dismissively as you hear the cheers pick up again. "Besides, his looks won't save us. We will save ourselves." You add seriously.

Caesar nods in acknowledgment, showing that to an extent, he agrees with you. "Well, I hope that you are right, dear." He smiles, getting up to signal you've run out of time. You stand as well, taking his hand as he holds it up above your heads. "It was so lovely to meet you, and may the odds stay ever in your favor. Y/N Y/L/N, everyone!"

You smile and thank him quietly, waving to everyone with both hands as you walk across the stage to exit on the other side. You take a few deep breaths as you step into yet another waiting room, watching the screen as Rafe is called out right behind you.

Rafe sits down on the chair across from Caesar after his introduction, which allows a few moments for the audience to quiet down. He smiles proudly as he rests one of his feet on his other knee, bouncing his leg with anxiety. He hopes it's interpreted as excitement. "Rafe." Caesar smiles at him, sitting back down as well. "I'll be honest, I have been so excited to finally meet you."

"It's good to meet you too." Rafe grins, chuckling slightly at the few whistles he gets scattered from the crowd.

"You got a fabulous score, how are you feeling about that?"

"Really good, yeah. Obviously I've been waiting my whole life for this opportunity, so it feels amazing to see it all paying off." Rafe answers, focussing on keeping the confidence in his tone.

"We can tell, can't we?" Caesar laughs, riling up the audience again, making Rafe laugh to himself as he softly shakes his head. "Yeah, yeah. So, with all this planning you've been doing, how do you feel about getting paired up? You probably expected to be going in solo."

"I did, for sure, but I don't think this is a bad thing." Rafe admits.

"Oh, getting along well with your teammate?" Caesar asks, a hint of suggestion in his tone.

"Yeah, we get on really well." Rafe exaggerates your relationship a bit, knowing it will earn you more sponsors, and maybe keep other tributes away from you in the games. "At least I think we do, I'm not fully sure about her thoughts on me, though."

"You scored incredibly well together, despite Y/N having a fairly average score on her own. What are your thoughts and feelings on that?"

Rafe chuckles as he leans forward a bit, pointing out to the audience as he speaks. "Don't underestimate her based on the score. I won't give you any spoilers, but trust me, don't overlook her. She's got as good a shot as any of us. Maybe better."

Caesar makes a surprised expression as he nods. "Well okay! Does she have some sort of secret weapon we should be worried about?" He chuckles, gripping the armrests and looking around as the audience laughs.

Rafe just shrugs in response, smirking slightly, which you can tell the audience just eats up. You're trying to decide if this is good or bad for you, though, as you watch, gnawing at your nails in anticipation as you stare at the screen.

"Okay, alright, don't spoil anything then." Caesar laughs. "It'll make for a better show, and I can get behind that."

After a moment of waiting for the cheers to die down, Caesar speaks up again. "Rafe, if I can ask, I know your father has a lot of influence in your district- how is he feeling about your selection for the games?"

You furrow your brow a little bit as you look at the screen, finally learning something interesting about your teammate. If he's from a prominent family in District One of all places, that would certainly explain his attitude. Rafe, on the other hand, doesn't want to talk about his father at all- but of course they would bring him up.

"Yeah, of course." Rafe replies, shifting in his seat. "He's thrilled, it's a huge honour to be here, and to be the first out of his children to be chosen is really special to me. I just hope I can make him and my sisters proud, he's always encouraged us to volunteer."

"I'm sure that you will." Caesar smiles at him. "I hope I will have the honour of hosting one of your sisters on this stage one day, as well."

Your stomach churns just watching this. How can any father who loves his children want this fate for them? This was your father's worst nightmare. You watch as Rafe nods with a smile, and you can see behind his eyes that he doesn't want that, not at all.

The audience cheers as they both stand up, shaking hands before Rafe leaves the stage, a cocky smirk on his face as he waves and winks at the audience. Before Rafe makes it down to the waiting room, you're grabbed an escorted out, heading for the elevator back to your room.

You can't eat, but you know you should. This will likely be your last meal for a while. You decide on just taking a large bowl of fruit and toast to your room, trying to get it down slowly with all the nerves, while you have a bath. Your parents never let you eat in the bath. It's hard to get out knowing this is likely the last bath you'll ever have.

The morning goes by in a blur, you feel Opal's arms around you as she hugs you goodbye and wishes you luck. You know you'll need all of it. You stare down at the ground in front of you as you're pushed onto a plane, of sorts, along with all the other tributes. Once you're sat down, you look around at everyone else. You remember all of their names as you scan over their faces, but you wish you didn't. You get stuck on one of the girls from District Eleven, Hope, who was only thirteen.

She's shaking, and you can see that from where you're sat down the row from her. She reminds you of Rue, the tribute from last year. Her death was a tragedy, it broke the hearts of everyone outside of the Capitol and the career districts. Hope's curly hair sat in a bun on top of her head, and tears fell down her cheeks as she sniffled. She got paired up with a girl from Twelve- the lengths the Capitol will go to to make a mockery of last years games will never cease to amaze you.

"Hey, you look a little pale." Rafe whispers, leaning close to you. You didn't even notice him sit down on the other side of you.

You shake your head slightly, looking down at your knees. "I'm fine."

"Don't think about it." Rafe instructs you, holding his arm out for the tracker to be injected as a guard approaches with the device.

You wince as you hear it get shot into his arm and he chuckles, shaking his arm off to ease the sting. You raise your shaking arm as they hold their hand out expectantly to you. You don't know what it is they're putting in you, but you've never been fond of needles. This is a million times worse. "It's not that bad," Rafe tells you, and you squeeze your eyes shut as you feel pressure on your forearm, followed by a sharp, stabbing pain. You bite your tongue to keep from making a sound, dropping your arm onto your lap as they quickly walk away.

"What did they do?" You ask him, trying to keep a steady tone.

"It's a tracker, so they know where we are in the arena." He explains quietly. You were the only two talking, and you notice it's earning you glares from several other tributes. Rafe notices this as well, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms, taking this time to size everyone up.

The plane takes off, and before you know it, you're landing at the arena on the outskirts of Capitol property. You wonder if you're close to the ocean, not that you'll get to see it anyways.

You're paraded off of the plane, still trying not to let it show how afraid you are of what's to come. You make the briefest of eye contact with Maisie as she's pulled towards a different hallway, and neither of you have it in you to smile anymore.

"We've gotta get supplies, that's our first move." Rafe says to you as you're led out of earshot of other tributes, into your own hall.

"My mentor said to run." You reply quietly.

Rafe scoffs, shaking his head. "Your what, one mentor said that? Cool. I have fifteen that are still alive and well enough to show up every year. I think we should get supplies." He tells you firmly, but you know that will get you instantly killed, maybe not him, but you stand no shot. "Just stick with me if you want to live."

You just nod a little bit, glancing at him again briefly before you're directed into a separate room across the hall from him. His pedestal will be next to yours, which is a bit of a relief. Your stylist quickly instructs you to strip, and then she helps you into the uniform you assume you'll all be wearing. It's exactly the same as last year, you notice this quickly, but with a '75' logo embroidered on the chest where the District Twelve tribute had her pin placed. Katniss, you remember her name was. She had volunteered for her sister, and at the time you contemplated heavily on whether or not you would do the same. She was so, so close to winning- to getting to see her sister again, but she and the boy from her district, the final two tributes, ended up committing together rather than giving the Capitol their Victor. It was an admirable stance, but you couldn't imagine what that was like for her family, and his.

You step off the concrete floor once you're dressed, instructed to get into the pod that will lift you up into the arena; a glass elevator. Your stylist says nothing to you as they walk out of the room, the glass door sliding shut in front of you. Your knees get weak as you realize you are totally, completely alone, and likely no more than twenty minutes from dying. You think of your family, your siblings, your dad- and the last words he said to you. You'll see him soon.

Your thoughts are halted when the elevator starts to move, lifting you up as the ceiling falls away and you can see sunlight coming through. You squint and shield your eyes as you try to look up to get a better grasp on your surroundings before you can even see anything. Once trees come into view you're frantically looking around, trying to process as much information as you can, and quickly. It's exactly the same as last year, but from what you can tell, flipped in reverse, and made larger to accommodate twice as many tributes. Or everything on camera last year was flipped. There's a silver cornucopia in the middle with the timer that's immediately counting down and supplies inside and scattered around the field in front of you. Rafe is to your right, and a boy from Seven on your left. He scored a six, the same as you, so he's not the biggest threat to you immediately.

You adjust your stance, getting ready to run once the timer hits zero. In what direction, you don't know yet. Rafe wants you to run to the supplies, but statistically, the most deaths will happen in the next five minutes and you don't want any part of that. The supply bags and weapons spread out on the grass are all the same too, by the looks of it. The closest bag to you got picked up by the girl from Seven last year, and it didn't have much of anything helpful. If you're remembering right, it had a rope and some matches, and that was it. It definitely would be useful, but you know you can do better. There should be a bag four pedestals to your right, with a water bottle, an emergency blanket, a fire starter, a first aid kit, and a knife. Right now, that's the one you have to get to. That's your best bet.

Ten, nine, eight... The timer ticks down to the final seconds as you look over at Rafe, who's already looking at you. You point to the bag as your eyes land on it on the other side of him across the field, and he looks at you confused. He's closer, he has a better shot, but you know he won't take it.

Rafe is confused, following your finger and spotting the bag. Why would you want that one specifically? There are others closer, he doesn't feel like now is a time to be picky.

Four, three, two...

Your ears ring with shock as the clock reaches zero, and you're watching most of the other tributes booking it for the center. No one has seen your bag yet as you jump down, beelining across the field and narrowly brushing past Rafe in your move for the small backpack. He stops to let you pass, almost crashing into you head-on. He doesn't have time to worry about you, so he continues on his path to the middle, but he's lost time. Precious time that he doesn't have to lose right at the beginning of the games.

He gets into the bloodbath that the cornucopia has already turned into, looking back over his shoulder quickly as he grabs at any weapon he can get his hands on. He quickly has to sacrifice the blade he just grabbed when he hears footsteps quickly approaching from behind him, turning quickly and plunging it into the boy's chest. He doesn't think to look at who it was.

Cannon's echo around you, and you're counting how many internally as you get to the bag, reaching down to grab it as you run past, trying not to slow down. You look back over your shoulder, hoping to spot your teammate somewhere, but you can't see him. You're scanning the area, blocking out the blood you see flying and scattered along the silver metal of the cornucopia. You can hardly hear any screams over the sound of your heartbeat pounding in your ears. You can't help but watch as the girl from Three jumps on who is supposed to be her partner, a girl from Twelve, snapping her neck in a second. Within moments, she just drops to the ground next to her- another cannon following. That makes a strong incentive for working in teams. At least Rafe won't betray you early on.

You freeze up for a moment, stopping to scan your surroundings. You still can't find Rafe, taking in the number of bodies scattered around the cornucopia and a few tributes running into the tree line. At least some people were smart. Something flies past your head, making you jump back a step as you look up ahead of you. Within an instant, you're being tackled back by the body of the boy from your district.

"Y/N, fancy seeing you here." He chuckles darkly while you try and fight him off.

"Don't!" You squeak out, him pressing his forearm down against your throat on the ground.

"I've wanted to do this since the second they called your name." He growls, shoving you down again.

"We can help each other, Jack..." You say weakly, clawing at his arm.

"You don't need me. You've got your career boyfriend- and whatever your secret weapon is." He scoffs. "You don't have a secret weapon, Y/N. He's bluffing and he won't convince us."

You gather all your strength and knee him in the crotch, scrambling to get away as he fumbles for just a moment. "God- you are a bitch!" He shouts, grabbing for your ankle just has you pick up the knife he had thrown at you. You grip it the way Rafe had shown you, quickly shoving it into Jack's leg. You just needed to get away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" You exclaim, backing away quickly. Jack doesn't say another word, cutting his losses and getting up to make an escape for the woods. You hope he ends up okay.

You make your break for it as well, running back towards the woods as you once again scan your surroundings for your partner.

Suddenly you're on the ground, having run straight into the side of one of the pedestals and falling over it. You yelp with the sudden impact of the ground, scrambling to get up and continue when suddenly someone is grabbing your jacket, slamming you into the pedestal again. You scream, trying to shove them off, but they're much stronger than you. "Jael! Wait, wait- Jael!" You make out your own voice yelling the boy's name, which makes him falter. He's the oldest tribute from Eight- he seems shocked you even know his name.

In the moment when he loosened his grip, he jerks forward and then falls over you, a cannon booming making you gasp as you panic to get away. Rafe is quickly running towards you, slinging the bow he just used over his shoulder and yanking the arrow out of the boy's back. "Y/N, let's go!" He shouts, motioning for you to follow him as you continue toward the tree line, both of you keeping an eye on what's happening behind you as you disappear into the woods.

"Let's stay close, but not too close," Rafe suggests as soon as you feel safe enough to slow down, your chest heaving with the exertion of energy and boost of adrenaline. He glances at you briefly, then does a double take. "You okay? Are you hurt?"

You shake your head, coughing to ease the stinging in your throat. "I'm fine. You?"

"Good," Rafe answers, slowing his pace to match yours.

"We, uh, I think we should go the other way." You say, looking around to try and mentally place where abouts you are.

Rafe stops and furrows his brow at you, seemingly frustrated by your resistance. "Why does it matter?"

"The arena, it's the same as last year. Exactly the same. Just, scaled up a bit." You explain. "We should head south, that's where the river is. We'll need water soon."

Rafe laughs slightly, his demeanor changing as he places his hands on his hips and looks at you. "No shit," He says, truly surprised and impressed that you could tell. A lot of the games tend to look like this, and he would never notice a repeat arena down to the rivers if it punched him in the face. Your 'secret weapon' is already paying off. "And you could tell that right away?"

"Yeah, I mean, I guess so. The bags were all the same, everything was laid out the same. I bet there's a river down south." You nod, having a sudden realization. "We should get to that cave- the one the tributes from Twelve holed up in last year. That'll be a good, stable shelter. We can pretty much wait it out." You say, starting to walk in what you believe is the right direction.

"No," Rafe replies, making you stop in your tracks. "Unless you want me to have to kill you in the end."

"Oh, right." You forgot about that part, keeping score. "We're still going to need somewhere to sleep, though."

"Yeah, we'll find it anyways." Rafe nods, carrying on in the direction you started heading. You follow a few steps behind, keeping a bit of distance in the somewhat awkward silence that fell over you two after his comment about having to kill you.

You walk in the thick of the woods for about an hour before you feel like you're reaching the river. You can feel it under your feet, the soil is slightly softer, and the trees a little more green.

Cannons interrupt your thoughts a few times in the hike, totaling up to twenty-three by the time you reach the riverbank. "You were right." Rafe chuckles, mentally disparaging any skepticism he faced during the long, quiet walk.

"Thank god." You giggle, dropping your bag and crouching down to dig through it, hoping for a water bottle. You were right, everything you expected was accounted for.

"Why that bag?" Rafe says, already sitting down on the rocky water's edge to rest for a moment.

"Huh?" You question, unsure you heard over the shuffling of the bag while you zip it up.

"You pointed to it, during the countdown. Why did you want that one?"

"Oh, uh, like I said they all looked the same as last year, and I hoped I remembered what was inside." You say, laying down to reach into the water and fill up the bottle.

"Were you right?"

You nod with a small smile, sitting back up and holding the bottle out to him as you cross your legs.

"That's actually insane." Rafe shakes his head in disbelief as he takes it, downing just about everything in it before handing it back.

You take it and refill it again for yourself. "I'll choose to take that as a compliment."

Rafe wouldn't admit it, but at this moment as he's watching you drink, he's grateful that he got paired up with you. But now, that it's been shown on national television that you know the arena in and out, he wonders what obstacles the gamemakers will desperately throw your way.

"We should keep moving. I feel like a sitting duck out here in the open, I don't like it." Rafe mutters, checking his attitude as he stands up. You're quick to fill up the bottle again, following behind him yet again as the arrows in his quiver rattle together against his back walking over the rocky and unstable terrain, knife gripped tightly in his hand.

You wonder to yourself how he's feeling about leaving behind his predestined alliance of the career pack, but with the factor of most of them being paired up with other districts, it was already too unpredictable. You wouldn't have stuck around either.

The sun started to set as you followed the river upstream. You didn't want to settle without some kind of shelter, and you were committed to finding that cave before you could relax. You could tell that Rafe had the same idea, his steps ahead of you gradually picking up speed with the bow still gripped firmly in his palm.

"It's a beautiful sunset." You speak your mind before thinking, desperately wanting to fill the silence.

Rafe just hums in response, looking up only briefly before training his gaze once again on the ragged rocks at his feet and continuing on. "What's it like in District One?" You ask.

"Fine." He replies coldly. You aren't sure what you expected, but this response was pretty on par. You knew you had almost no chance of survival, so it would at least be nice to get to know the person you spend your final days with, even if he would be the one to kill you in the end.

"I've never been, but I've heard it's... nice." You've only ever heard about it from the perspective of other bitter individuals from Five, jealous of the cushy lifestyle everyone knew they must have lived.

"Yeah." Rafe agrees, clearly not wanting to discuss it.

"What are your sister's names?" You ask, deciding to push a little bit. It's not like he can kill you just yet.

Rafe sighs, but answers anyways. "Wheezie and Sarah."

You're shocked that he answered at all, but you could tell in his interview that he has a soft spot for them. "Cute." You nod, smiling to yourself. "Is Wheezie a nickname?"

"Yep, it's short for Louise."

"That's adorable." You grin, shaking your head.

"Hey, look. There." Rafe says, changing the subject and pointing down the rocks, where there's a small opening under a ledge.

"That's it!" You exclaim, deciding to drop the topic of his sisters in favour for finding your shelter for the night. You rush past him, watching your step as you climb down into the small cave.

Rafe quickly draws his bow, slowing down and peaking into the cave and bracing himself for your screams. How could you be so careless in a game like this? He doesn't understand your lightheartedness, your somewhat positive attitude, and your ability to make small talk despite the circumstances. "Hey, careful!"

"It's perfect!" You call back out as you look around, and Rafe steps down carefully, looking around more carefully than you had. He relaxes once he's satisfied that there's nothing down there waiting to kill you.

"Nice, okay." Rafe nods to himself, and you both get to work making a small fire near the entrance, hidden from view.

You take off your jacket and roll it up, using it as a makeshift pillow as you lay next to the fire, staring at the orange flicker of the flames you made.

Rafe is sitting across from you, knees tucked up to his chest as he does just the same. His mind is absolutely reeling- he needs to find something to eat, and soon. That will be the first thing you'll do in the morning, he'll have to employ your help to find something edible. "How are you with making traps?" He asks.

"I can do it." You reply, sitting up and leaning on your elbow so you can see him. "I'll set some up in the morning."

Rafe nods a little bit. He already knew you could, of course, but he's wondering about the logistics of how they work. "So like... hypothetically, would they work the same if you made them bigger?"

"Like... human-sized?" You ask, catching on to what he's suggesting. It's not ethical- but nothing about this game is. For you, this would definitely be preferable to fighting other kids to death over and over again.

Rafe nods, adjusting how he was sitting and crossing his legs.

"Yeah. I can't see why not." You answer. "It would be harder since I've never done it, but I think it could work."

"Then I say we try it."

The next day, you wake up as the sun rises and the light beats down on you from the entrance of the cave. You didn't sleep comfortably, that's for sure, waking up twice throughout the night to the sound of the cannon. That's twenty-seven. You wonder how many teams have already reached their ten-kill quota, you imagine someone in the career pack already has. Both times when you were startled awake, Rafe was standing at the cave entrance, bow drawn as he squinted into the darkness, hoping that whoever was out hunting other tributes wasn't nearby.

You sit up slowly, stretching out your tired limbs as you look over to see Rafe, fast asleep with a blade in his hand. You should let him sleep, and get to work on finding something to eat, and making some traps.

You grab one of the knives Rafe somehow collected from the bag laying next to him as quietly as possible, sneaking outside and taking in your surroundings. The sound of the river flowing and the smell of morning dew was amazing- you wish you could truly enjoy it in different circumstances.

You quickly get to work tracking down something to eat, landing on a few different plants you know to be edible. You're trekking through the woods near your cave when you come across an apple tree- making you pause as you look it over. It looks out of place- and maybe no one got close enough to it in the games last time that you wouldn't have seen it, but that seems unlikely. It must be new; it makes for the perfect place to try and set up a trap for the next hungry tribute who would be unfortunate enough to wander too close to your hideout.

You're digging a hole in the ground with your hands, avoiding the roots of the tree and sticking in some sticks you sharpened when you hear a twig snap behind you. You freeze, hoping that by some miracle, it's just an animal. You slowly turn your head to try and look, picking up the knife from the ground next to you and holding it tight.

"Just me." Rafe's voice relaxes you, and you stand up, brushing off your knees.

"You scared me." You admit as he takes to looking down into the hole you just dug.

"That looks... awful." He chuckles, patting your shoulder. "It won't kill, but it'll slow someone down enough that I can finish the job."

You nod slightly, staring into the dirt as well. You hated the idea that you were crafting something intentionally to bring harm to another person, but realistically you have no choice. "We'll set up more, along the riverbed and closer to the career pack. We can't monitor them all at once, though- can you make more fatal ones next time?" Rafe asks, pointing back towards the river to accentuate his point.

"That depends, how many arrows can you spare?"

The next few days saw the death toll rise to thirty-six. You kept track every night, scratching their numbers and names into the walls of the cave despite being able to remember anyway. You viewed it as a small memorial, Rafe saw it as a timer ticking down to when he'd have to kill you.

Your first trap had worked on one person, their screams of pain from a cut-up leg summoning your teammate back to the apple tree. He insisted you stay behind as he finished what you started. You had to reset several other traps as well, closer to the cornucopia.

Rafe would never admit it, but he was really starting to like you. He didn't want to hurt you- he was worried the traps wouldn't do enough. The passive approach you so preferred wasn't what he expected, and he knew his dad would be disappointed in him. But Ward would never understand.

He sighed as he poked at the fire with a stick, leaning his head back against the rocky wall of the cave, another cold night ahead of you.

You had your head laid on his lap, his thigh replacing the thin material of your coat that you had been using the last few days.

"How old are your sisters?" You ask out of nowhere, prompting him to look down at you. He had thought you fell asleep a while ago.

"Why does it matter?" Rafe replies, and you just shrug a little bit.

"Gives us something to talk about."

"Fifteen and Eleven." He relents.

"Hey, me too." You smile a little to yourself.

"You have sisters?" Rafe asks. He never asked much about you- he didn't really want to know, in the case he had to kill you.

"Yep. And a brother." You nod, sitting up a little bit. "He's older though, he aged out last year."

Rafe finds himself clenching his jaw. He can't hear that- to see you as a little sister. He doesn't want to imagine what it would be like to see his sisters face the same fate. "Lucky guy." He says quietly.

"Why? I thought it was a privilege, and all that." You chuckle.

"Well, yeah, but not for most. For the outlying districts like you."

"At least you get it." You agree. "How does it feel? Now that you're here, I mean."

"Scary." Rafe admits, throwing caution to the wind now with what his father will think. "Not what everyone tells you it'll be like."

"Is that because of me?" You ask after a few moments, and he nods slightly.

"Not in a bad way, though. It's just different. I expected to be on my own, to die alone, or kill my allies if I had to. Now... I don't know that I have to. Or if I even could." He can practically hear his father shouting at their large screen at home, or storming out claiming he was an embarrassment. He was told his whole life to never show weakness, to 'be a man', but now, at the end, that doesn't matter to him.

"I won't take it personally." You giggle softly, voice shaking as you try to make light of it. "My family won't either, I don't think. Maybe my dad, at first, but eventually he'll understand. They'll forgive you." You try and ease his mind, knowing that in the case that Rafe does win without you, he'll have to face your family in the next month or so during the victory tour.

"I wouldn't ever expect him to." Rafe tells you, tossing his stick into the flames now. He feels sick hearing you talk about it like it's inevitable- but if he has anything to do with it, you'll be coming home with him.

"They're good people." You assure him.

"Don't say that." Rafe chuckles, shaking his head. "I would never forgive myself."

"Okay, fine. They're awful. Just... the worst." You smile, looking up at him and resting your chin in your hand.

"That's better. Thank you." Rafe laughs, poking your forehead and gazing out onto the river as the flames illuminate the water.

In the morning, you're awoken to something brushing your leg. You groan and roll over, head landing once more on Rafe's extended arm underneath you. At least he was finally getting some sleep, pretty much unable to close his eyes since you set foot in the arena. You feel the brush again, followed by something moving on your arm, several things, suddenly, and your eyes fly open and look down when you remember where you are. You let out a scream, scrambling to sit up and pushing yourself back against the wall.

Rafe wakes up quickly, scrambling for the bow next to him when he realizes it won't be any help. You're surrounded by and quickly almost covered in a sickening combination of snakes and spiders.

You're still screaming, trying to shove the creatures off of you. "Come on- come on!" Rafe is yelling at you, grabbing your arm and pulling you towards the exit. You don't get the chance to grab your back and you regret that as you're jumping into the river in attempt to get the spiders off of your skin and out of your clothes.

You're breathing heavily as you come up for air, and Rafe is quickly there, brushing his hands over your hair to make sure every last spider is gone. He looks back at the entrance of the cave, chest heaving like yours as the bugs and snakes spill out of it. It sends a shiver down his spine- he was never a fan of snakes.

"I guess that's the gamemakers telling us enough was enough." He sighs, gently pulling you towards the shore again a safe distance away. "Are you bit?" He asks once you're a safe distance away.

"I don't think so..." You reply, hiking up the ankles of your pants to look at your calves and over your bare arms as you sit on the shore. "You?"

Rafe shakes his head, doing the same. "It was probably just a warning. We have to move." He quickly lowers his pant leg over the puncture wounds in his leg, hoping you didn't see. If it gets worse, he'll tell you. The bite itself didn't hurt much, so if it's going to be fatal, he's glad he won't have to hurt you.

Rafe helps you up, leading you up towards the tree line. "They probably want to push us in toward the other tributes, I think we should go with it before they throw something worse at us." You, the two of you now left with nothing but what you had on you, along with Rafe's bow and a few spare arrows.

He nods. "It's our best move anyways. How many tributes are left?"

"Twelve including us." You answer quickly. "There's Avril, a boy from six, Maisie, she's from my district, most of the careers I think are still in it but not their teammates," You begin to rattle off the list,

"I don't want to know names." Rafe cuts you off, and you understand why. He's been doing all the dirty work, and part of you knows it's because he's hoping to have time to learn names and feel guilty about it later. Right now, he can't afford to see them as human.

"Right." You agree. "It doesn't really matter, anyways."

"Do you know scores?" He asks, walking alongside you now.

You nod, beginning to list off all the remaining tributes and their scores, from lowest to highest. The lowest being you- and the highest being ten, shared by Rafe and a boy from district two.

After hearing two more cannons that day, and checking all the traps you had set, you're circling back to the river to be near fresh water before you set up camp again. You don't have your water bottle anymore, or anything to set up any kind of shelter with, you do your best. You set up a fire, Rafe insisting that if it draws other tributes to you so be it- he's ready for this to end just as much as you, but you don't want to rush into your death or an ambush. It's safe to say you won't be sleeping tonight.

You didn't sleep, but at least, curled up under a tree, the night sky was beautiful. The stars seemed realistic, and you wondered if somehow they were real. Between the two more cannons that struck overnight, you still wondered if you were somewhere near the ocean, or somewhere closer to home. While you're sitting next to each other in a peaceful silence, both admiring the vastness of the night sky, you hear a ringing sound coming from above.

Rafe quickly stands, reaching for the small silver pack with a parachute before it hits the ground. He's quick to open it as you stand up, looking into the container. You grab the small card, tilting it into the light of your fire to read it.

For our Y/N,

Keep fighting. Please come home to us.

Love You Always, Dad

Tears form in your eyes almost instantly, your hand coming up to cover your mouth. "It's just a water bottle and some kind of granola bars... or something." Rafe says, turning the water bottle over in his hand.

He looks up at you, frowning when he sees how upset you look. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." You quickly shake your head, wiping your eyes. "Uhm, it's from my dad."

The fact that your family could spare enough money to send you something in the games at all was amazing to you. You heard horror stories of the astronomical prices of trying to send something from outside of the capitol, without the status and funds of a sponsor.

"Oh." Rafe replies, handing you the tin and bottle now, taking the card from you gently. He reads it over slowly, and over and over again. His family had seemingly endless amounts of money, and they had sent him nothing. He knew his father viewed it as cheating, and that you shouldn't need any kind of help to win. If he loved him, though, that wouldn't matter. He should be willing to do anything he could to keep his son alive. The way your parents did.

"My mom made these." You sniffle, grabbing a small bar from the container in her hand. "They're my favourite, she only makes them on birthdays or special occasions." You explain.

"That's... that's really nice." Rafe says, putting the card back in the tin. He doesn't know how to handle this, or what to say.

You smile sadly as you sit back down against the tree, placing the tin on your lap as Rafe joins you. "Here." You hold the bar out to him.

"They're for you." Rafe shakes his head, pushing it away.

"They're for us." You insist, holding it out to him again. "They wouldn't have sent two if I wasn't meant to share."

"Thank you." Rafe smiles genuinely, for the first time in weeks as he takes it. He's starving, having eaten only small amounts of meat and plants over the last week or so, so he's quick to take a bite. It's sweet, more so than he expected. He never thought he could enjoy sugar this much.

"No wonder they're reserved for celebrations, hey?" You giggle, having intently watched his reaction.

Rafe nods. "Yeah, it's really good. Super sweet." He says, mouth still full. You grin, satisfied as you take a bite of your own.

The night flew by so quickly, you're feeling as though it must have gotten shorter. The sunrise went by fast too. You're guessing the gamemakers and the viewers were getting antsy. To be honest, you were as well.

Renewed with your energy the sugary baking your parents had sent, you set about gathering food and water, while Rafe goes on to check a few of your traps to see if they needed to be reset. He could do it on his own, but he liked watching you do it, working the ropes between your fingers and tying intricate knots, pulling back on the stick used to trigger the arrow. By the afternoon, having taken a mental note of the amount of cannons that had fired. It was a few, at least. You must be getting down to the end. He prayed it wasn't you, but the cries of some kind of mutts in the distance right before the cannons lead him to believe that you were fine- but he should be getting back soon anyways.

You were wandering down to the water, reluctant to leave your camp, but you knew water was a priority. You were just filling up the new bottle when you heard a scream. It sounded like a boy. You quickly look back over your shoulder, noticing it was nearby. Toward the apple tree. You stand slowly, looking around as you attach the water bottle back to your side with a carabiner, reaching instead for the knife Rafe had left with you. God, you hoped it wasn't him. The absence of a cannon gives you hope, though.

You quietly head in that direction, watching your step so your presence isn't detected. When you get closer to the tree, you hear crying. Painful crying, as you're faced with the reality of the trap you set.

You watch from behind a tree as the boy from eight tries to pull his leg up from the ground, screaming out again as the sharp sticks dig into his flesh. You should go get Rafe- you feel guilty, but you can't kill him yourself. You turn quickly, and before you can get a step away you're face to face with one of the other careers- a sword held up against your neck.

"Don't move." Blake says, a smile that can only be described as evil spreading over his lips.

You try and scream out for help, hoping Rafe was still in earshot but a hand is quickly covering your mouth. "Not yet." He whispers, shaking his head. "We've got a plan, it'll be fun. You wouldn't want to ruin that, right?"

As Rafe gets back to your small camp, he expects to see you there waiting. He scans the trees above him, wondering if you had climbed up for some reason. He calls your name when he doesn't see you, brow furrowed. You definitely should be back by now. As he's heading down to the water to look for you, he hears a cannon, which at this point wouldn't bother him- if it wasn't for the scream that followed after. It was you. No doubt in his mind that it was you. With his bow drawn, he's moving quickly towards where he heard your voice, throwing caution to the wind.

You scream again, crying as the tip of the sword is dug into your shoulder, laying down next to the apple tree. You can't help it- but you don't want their trap to work. You don't want Rafe to come, so you bite your tongue until you taste blood, hoping to keep quiet. "It'll only get worse for you if you don't scream, Y/N/N." Blake scolds you, digging in the blade more. "He has to hear you." He adds through gritted teeth.

You hear a twig snap just outside the small clearing, and Blake is quickly turning to look with the sword still pinning you to the ground. "Rafe it's a trap!" You shout, hoping that it's him.

Rafe steps out then, into full view with his bow drawn as he aims at the boy in front of him. When they first met, he knew they would have been good friends if they met anywhere else. "You won't shoot me." Blake chuckles, and Rafe quickly readjusts his grip.

"I will." Rafe says sternly, pulling the string tighter as Blake moves the sword to hover over your chest. Over your heart.

"If you shoot, the last of my energy will go into killing her. I don't think you want that." He shakes his head, smiling smugly.

"I don't care." Rafe says, making your heart clench. You know that you're friends, at the very least. He does care. He's bluffing- you have to believe that.

"If you didn't care you would have shot me already." Blake calls it, and Rafe tenses up, looking down at you only briefly.

"Then what do you want?" Rafe spits.

"Oh, nothing. I just wanted you to watch." Blake shrugs. "Just makes it a little more fun, you know? But don't worry, you'll be next." You know he just wants to prove himself, somehow, not having scored as high as Rafe did. You wonder if his family was somehow similar- that he needed some kind of approval that he thought he might find through sadism.

Rafe looks down at you again, and you just nod, tears streaming down your temples to your ears. He quickly readjusts before letting the arrow fly, planting straight in the shoulder that held the sword as you quickly roll over, slicing across your chest and shoulder in the process. It was well worth it.

Rafe fires another arrow into his chest, not taking any risks and the cannon quickly follows as he rushes to your side.

"Are you okay?" He's asking, hands hovering above you as he's kneeled next to you, unsure what to do.

You nod, still biting into your tongue as blood continues to slide down your skin, dampening your now torn up clothes.

"It's not that bad." Rafe says, looking over the cuts as best he can, but you wince when he pulls the fabric away. "You're gonna be fine, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah..." You mumble, letting your head fall back against the brush below you. Rafe is quick to take his coat off, using it to push down on the deepest part of the wound on your shoulder, trying with his other hand to apply pressure to the rest of it. You try and focus on your breathing, rather than the pain, but it's hard when a significant amount of weight is being applied to your shoulder and chest.

"I'm sorry, I have to." Rafe tells you, jaw tense as he lifts his coat to check whether or not the bleeding has slowed. You didn't even realize you were crying.

After a few minutes, he's lessened the pressure a bit, still holding the fabric firmly over your skin. "You could have ran." You mumble, voice hardly above a whisper.

"I wasn't gonna leave you." Rafe shakes his head, gently peeling away his now blood soaked windbreaker.

"You at least shouldn't have saved me. Not much point in that, is there?" You smile softly, trying to sit up and Rafe is quick to help.

"There is. You have to win." He mutters.

"I'm not winning, Rafe." You smile sadly at him. "Infection will kill me if you won't, and if no one else does first."

"No, they'll fix you up. This cut will be gone in a week, the technology they have is-"

"Rafe." You grab his attention again and he looks up to meet your eyes. They seemed to suck in all the light of the sunset above the two of you, reflecting back at him in a way that makes his breath hitch. The thought is cut short, however, when you say something that breaks his heart. "Don't give me hope like that."

"Why? You're gonna go home. I mean it." He promises. "I'll make sure of it."

"I don't think we have enough." You remind him sadly, a small smile still evident on your lips as you reach up to cup his cheek in your palm. "I never expected to go home. I'm okay with that."

Your friend shakes his head softly. "That doesn't matter. You have your family to get home to, I read that note from your dad. They need you, I can see that. For me, these games are all I was raised for. I have nothing left for me after this." He admits, avoiding eye contact with you.  "I could never forgive myself if I didn't get you home."

Tears are forming in your eyes again as you look up at him. The world is watching, and in this moment of vulnerability you feel that more than ever- despite the quiet sounds around you being only the rushing water in the nearby river and the birds chirping around you. "You're a good person, Rafe." You smile at him, watching as he gently raises his hand to yours, grabbing it in his own. "I hope you know that."

In this moment, you settle on the idea that you would die for him. You never understood last years tributes, honestly, how they were willing to die for each other instead of getting home to their own loved ones, but now you do. Completely.

Without a second thought, you find yourself leaning closer, Rafe doing the same as he kneels next to you in the dark. Your eyes meet once more, lips only an inch from touching when you hear a howl in the distance, and you snap your head to the direction it came from. "The Mutts... Already?" You say, scrambling to get up and ignoring the pain in your shoulder.

"I- I heard them earlier, they sound far away." Rafe says, trying to calm you.

"You heard them? You didn't tell me?" You ask, frantically grabbing his bow from the ground and handing it to him as he goes to pull the discarded arrows out of Blake's body.

"I didn't think it mattered!" He defends, trying to hide the panic in his voice.

"There were four left last year when they sent them out. I think... yeah I think that's right. There's four of us. We have to run." You say in a panic, pulling on his hand. "Our best bet is making it back to the cornucopia."

"It'll be too open- can't we climb a tree or something?" Rafe says, following after you as you're running through the bush now in the direction of the open field.

"I don't know if that will work, but I know we'll be safe there." You explain like it's obvious. "We have to risk it- and if you can get to the others first, if they have the same idea, we'll be at ten."

You're out of breath already, adrenaline pushing you through as you hear scattered barking getting steadily closer after one more cannon. Part of you wants to stop, turn, and force Rafe to take the win if you couldn't have it, but with any hope left, you have to try and get back to where this started. The traps was an unfortunate choice in how you got your kills, because you couldn't keep track of how many since by the time you got around to checking them, the body's would have been airlifted off if it wasn't a misfire. If you had to guess, though, you were sitting at eight.

Rafe is running similar calculations in his head as he lets you lead him by memory straight to the field, mind short-circuiting as he sees the silver moonlight reflect off the cornucopia.

You sprint across the open field, blood pouring from your undressed wound again with the intense exertion of energy. Rafe doesn't pass you, though, despite you expecting that he would. You have tunnel vision as you make it to the metal structure, practically slamming into it before you can even stop. Rafe is quick to lift you and shove you up, both of you looking over your shoulders as you struggle to hold onto the edge, kicking the sides to hold yourself up.

You finally get up, reaching down to help pull Rafe up. He grabs onto your arm for leverage, mostly pulling himself up and you wince as you feel the tension from his weight in your cuts.

You flop down onto your back on the cold surface as he climbs over you, immediately standing up with bow drawn as he intently scans the surrounding area. He's only got the two arrows left, which makes him nervous if that's all he has to defend the both of you with.

You try to settle your breathing, which only lasts for a moment until the sky lights up with the recap. You miss your cave, where you could contribute to your memorial, especially seeing the face of Maisie flash above you on the sky while the anthem plays.

You close your eyes, just listening to the music now until you hear barking just outside of where Rafe can see, and you're quickly sitting up. He draws the bow tighter, aiming in the direction the howls came from just as someone pushes out into the clearing. Rafe is aimed straight at them, bow string pressed to his cheek. He's getting dizzy, and quickly. His aim can't fail him now, he doesn't have that option.

You watch them, in the dark you think it's the other boy from district one, and in your exhaustion you can't remember his name. You wouldn't dare say it, anyways. He's screaming for help, a call you know you can't answer, and you watch as they stumble on their feet, shoes and hands digging into the ground as they try to get up, just ten or so yards from you by now.

Rafe wants to shoot just then, it would be as simple as letting his finger loose and the arrow would fly towards its target. It would be a merciful end for the boy he's trained with for years now, only a couple years younger than him. The muscle in his jaw is aching from the tension he's put on it when he forces himself to let go. He has to do it, for himself, if he wants to go home.

He misses. The yelp of one of the mutts tells you it landed in a paw or back, and you look up at Rafe who's already drawn his second. "Rafe!" You cry out, pushing yourself up onto your feet and standing behind him now.

He hates to admit that your empathy has rubbed off on him. Watching you every night carving seemingly endless names and numbers into the rocks that lined the space you stepped in. He recalls waking up one morning and seeing your name and his carved in as well, closer to where he laid by the fire, his underlined and yours with a heart at the end. Like a signature on the top of a math test. He had wondered if you always wrote your name like that, and in this moment as he releases the bow again, he knows he has to find out for himself.

It happened so fast, the mutts knocking down the boy and the arrow flying from Rafe's shaky hands into where he should have been right as the cannon sounds. You don't know that it was Rafe's arrow that did him in.

"No..." You mumble, clamouring forward and onto your knees again to look over as the boys body is torn apart by the mutts. "You had to have done it. You had to." You say, trying to get a better view.

In a second, Rafe's arms are around you and he's pulling you back from the edge, sitting now behind you with his arms wrapped tightly over your body. "It's okay.. it's over." He mumbles, kissing the side of your head as the sunlight comes over the trees. He's fighting off the urge to vomit, everything spinning around him now.

You sit with him, gripping onto his arms and crying. Nothing is happening, so you must not have made it to ten. You feel sick- your heart is in your throat and suddenly you're really hot, moving away from him to look over the edge again, this time incase you have to throw up. You freeze, looking over to where the boy's body once was. The second arrow was in the ground. He missed again.

Rafe sees it at the same time as you. He sighs, hanging his legs over the edge. "Shit... Y/N, I'm sorry." He mumbles, gently reaching over to rub your back.

"No, no. It's okay." You insist, sitting up next to him. "I knew this would happen."

"I'll get you home." Rafe says, sliding down the side of the cornucopia before you can stop him. He stumbles the landing, swaying in his walk as he heads towards the arrow lodged into the dirt.

"Wait! Wait, wait, Rafe!" You're sliding down after him, running to his side and grabbing his arm before he can get to the arrow in the ground.

He turns to you quickly, hand on your cheek and he's pressing his lips to your forehead. "Sit with me?" He asks, knees already giving out as he falls to the ground.

You're instantly on the ground beside him, practically holding his head up with your free hand as you search him visually for some kind of injury.  "What happened? Are you hurt?"

"Uh, I guess so." Rafe mutters. "Snake bite. I think."

"You didn't tell me? I could have fixed this, I could have helped..." You ramble on, his eyes dropping shut now. "Hey, eyes open."

"It's okay. Just sit with me..." He says again, smiling weakly. "Wait with me... please?"

You nod, sniffling as you fight back the tears that want to fall. "Yeah, of course. I'll stay."

Before he closes his eyes, the music starts again and your eyes are drawn up to the sky after you notice Rafe is looking first.

Then, begins a similar slideshow of faces you recognize. Ten in total. Rafe's eyes flicker with slight recollection, remembering any kills he made himself and you gasp when you see Jack. Whatever damage you had done when he tackled you on the first day must have killed him. "Rafe.." You mumble, lowering your eyes to meet his. "I think we won."

Your point is accentuated by the voice of the head gamemaker over some unseen speakers. "Introducing the Victors of the Seventy-Fifth Annual Hunger Games!"

"We did it." Rafe laughs weakly, squeezing your hand.

You fully ignore the aircraft hovering down in front of you on the grass, turning your head to look down at him. You don't say anything, neither of you do, and you finally feel your lips against his. The kiss is bad, it doesn't really work when both of you are stuck smiling ear to ear, but you don't care one bit. The only thing that matters is that you got this chance at all.

Rafe pulls away from you slowly, using all the strength he has left to lift himself onto his feet as you steady him. "He needs help!" You shout to them, and you're quickly being lead onto the plane.

"They've got really good technology," You mock what he said to you just the day before. "It'll be like it never happened in a week, okay?" You chuckle, feeling waves of happiness, worry, and relief all at once as you quickly wipe away a tear with your free hand, other arm wrapped tightly around Rafe's waist to hold him up.

He laughs, and you lean into him more, your forehead against his shoulder as the aircraft door slides shut behind you.

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @chenslucy, @hxnnah-397, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @saccharinesammie, @ietss, @maybankslover @redhead1180, @suzyheartsrafe, @wpdailyminimeta, @aegons-bitch, @rafegirly, @lovelyxtommy @dee127

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe fic #outer banks #obx #obx fanfic #rafe fanfiction #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron x reader #rafe imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe x you #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron x you #obx fanfiction #rafe cameron imagine

[fariesoiree]

Fwb!hobie getting a rise out of you because you’re jealous of him being with other girls but the one time you decide to get with another guy hobie gets in his feels, fucks you then confesses. 👀

Love your writing btw ☺️

thanks lovie! sorry it took me so long i got addicted to writing 3000+ words and just realized i don’t actually have to. request under the cut! minors mdni ; black afab reader

fwb!hobie who you’ve seen around a few times. he’s a friend of a friend and more often then not, ends up tagging along with your plans.

fwb!hobie who found you undeniably attractive the moment he first laid eyes on you. sweet girls like you aren’t typically his type but he couldn’t stay away. there’s something addicting, sugary like saccharine.

fwb!hobie who was elated to find you had an interest in him, as well. he wasn’t supposed to find out but he’s good at getting what he wants, information included.

fwb!hobie who enchanted his way into your bed. he made it very clear there were to be no strings attached and it would be a one time thing . . . it wasn’t.

fwb!hobie who couldn’t stay away after he had a taste. he just had to have more and he keeps coming back for more but always in the late hours of the night and he’s always gone before sunrise.

fwb!hobie who is enjoying this little relationship you both have. he can get balls deep in your cunt by night and walk past you by morning without saying a word. sometimes, when he’s feeling bold, he’ll lean down and mock your moans into your ear.

fwb!hobie who laugh when you whip your head around to glare at him and smack a hand into your chest, clearly embarrassed and looking around to see if anyone else heard.

fwb!hobie who still sees other girls, much to your dismay. really, you had no idea until you left your apartment and saw him walking out of the one across from you, just having pulled his shirt over his head. he shoots you a smile and continues on his way.

fwb!hobie who doesn’t know you’re very upset about this and cancelled all your plans for the day. he’s unaware that you holed yourself up in your room to call your best friend, rant, and come up with a solution to your heartbreak.

fwb!hobie who is surprised to see you at the same pub he’s at, considering the setting is not really your scene. he stands and begins to walk over to you. the closer he gets, the sooner he realizes that you’re talking to, no, flirting with the man next to you. he can see his hand settled on the bare skin of your thigh, thumb trailing back and forth.

fwb!hobie who is uncomfortable with the white hot rage that bubbles in his stomach but knows he has to do something to stop this.

“hey, treacle. what are you doin’ here?” his hand comes to rest on the small of your back when he’s finally close enough and stands beside you, hovers beside you.

fwb!hobie who has to fight off a frown when you try to dismiss him. he’s not moving, though. his presence urges the other guy off, sending some sort of message that you two have something going on.

fwb!hobie who gets even more upset when you stare at him as if he’s the problem and begin to tell him off.

fwb!hobie who quickly reads between the lines and figures out what this is really all about. he becomes oddly smug and crosses his arms, nodding along to every insult you call him.

fwb!hobie who later that night has your head pressed into the mattress while he delivers brutal back shot after back shot. he has his hand wrapped around your braids and uses it as leverage whenever he feels like pulling your hair.

fwb!hobie who is reveling in the fact that you’re sobbing and begging him not to stop, as if he ever would. he’s leaned down real close just to make sure you can hear him over yourself.

“who does this pussy belong to? who got you screamin’ like this?”

fwb!hobie who can feel himself getting closer and closer the more you cry, wail, and clench around his cock. he eventually pulls out and rolls you onto your back with a hasty pace.

fwb!hobie who is now giving you a perfect view of him jerking his dick over your form. he does his best to speak between whimpers and his other hand is pushing your leg onto your chest.

“y – you can’t see other p – people. you’re mine, i’m y – yours. it’s done.”

fwb!hobie who misses the smile that graces your face as he cums on your cunt. this was your plan all along and he just fell right in.

#✮🕷✮⋆˙ 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓷 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵 #hobie x black!reader #hobie smut #hobie brown #x black fem reader #astv hobie #x black reader #x reader #hobie x reader #hobie x y/n

[ilys00ga]

𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀, 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗻𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘀.

➞ pair: yoongi x reader.

➞ genre: hurt/comfort (why do I keep making these lmao), established relationships, I'm so bad at tagging sorry.

➞ warnings: angst and fluff cuz we all need that (we really do). reader has anxiety and abandonment issues, yoongi is trying his best for the sake of both of them, just relationship things.

➞ A/N: requested by @parkjennykim, this was very fun to write! thanks for yet another idea <3 I hope u like it. I'm organizing this blog/post (?) while listening to mono, and let me tell yall, it's such a vibe omg. I think you should read this while listening to that album, I love it sm, I can't even begin to explain UGH- if namjoon ever goes on a world tour, he better perform every single song in that album, cuz imma be losing my mind in the crowd, esp during moonchild. my vocal cords are already getting sore. yeah. if u want this to hit that spot, maybe u should do what I said (this is a friendly order, if u will). if not, just enjoy and pls ignore any mistakes, english has been challenging me recently (for the last 10 years lmao)

ps. I am in a dire need of a yoongi in my life. specifically the one I wrote in this one. oh how I love being a lonely fanfic writer <33

★ MASTERLIST.

ᵎᵎ 𖦹彡⋆｡˚・ ─ ・ ⋯ ・ ─ ⊹ ♡₊˚๑

God knows how long it had been after it hit midnight when Yoongi stood in the kitchen. His eyes were red and heavy with drowsiness, but he couldn't sleep that night.

How does one sleep through a restless, biting night?

Surely not with a bad headache, or overflowing thoughts, and especially not with guilt chewing on his core.

He gulped, throat begging to be quenched as it held onto a slight, delicious, yet bothersome burning sensation. He opened the fridge and filled a glass with some water, raising it to his lips when loud a cry of his name, followed with a thud and a number of sobs, disturbed the quiet of the night and made him jump, startled.

His limbs froze in their place, glass almost slipping his hand and crashing on the floor when his sleep deprived brain realized that the muffled cries were yours.

Wide awake, he dashed after the sound. Thirst and sleep no longer occupied his mind, all he could think of was holding you in his arms.

He found you on the stairs, trembling as you wailed into your hands.

He hated it so much: seeing you in pain. He wanted nothing more than to shield you from the rainfall of your gloomy sky, from his own rainfall, from the world. How could one be an umbrella and the rain at once?

He blinked, once, twice, then gulped and heaved a deep, tired breath.

One storm doesn’t require another storm to be calmed down, that he knew. One needs to be composed and collected to stand still during a storm, that he knew as well.

With worried eyes, he gently called out your name and walked up to you, “darling, what’s wrong?”

You looked up as soon as you heard his worried voice, some tiny sense of relief washed over you when you saw him right there. A hundred daggers digged so deep into his heart and bones, aching, the moment a broken whimper of his name fell from your lips.

Without a second thought, Yoongi hugged your face to his chest. One of his hands was patting your back and the other affectionately caressed your head.

As he listened to his name that never left your lips, Yoongi held you there on the cold of the stairs with nothing but sweet nothings whispered back to your ears.

Everything he did and said was so gentle and soft, like he was so afraid you'd crack and come to tiny bits and pieces at any given moment. It all made you want to cry even harder, to hold him so tight and never let go.

Soon, when your tears started winding down, pulled away and cradled your face with his hands, palms faintly pressing on your cheeks as if he hoped to share their warmth with you.

Tender eyes met your wet ones and stared as their owner’s voice made its way through the noise of your sniffles and hiccups. He said, “It’s alright. I'm here. Talk to me, hmm?”

You answered his plea with a small nod, before wiping your tear stained skin and hugging him again. He smelt like home. You took a deep breath, greedily feeding your lungs with his lovely scent.

He hugged you back, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling your body closer to his. He pressed light kisses on your temple, patiently waiting for you to talk.

“I had a really scary nightmare. so, so scary- I woke up, didn’t find you there- then…then I remembered the fight we had earlier. I…I thought I lost you- I'm sorry. sorry for the stupid things I said earlier. I love you so much! please don’t leave. please..”

Your voice quivered with fresh tears ready to be spilled again. Yoongi started hushing you as soon as he noticed that you were working yourself up.

Squeezing you in his arms, he whispered “I never left, and I never will.”

“I’m all right, nothing happened to me, see?” he leaned away just enough to allow you to take a quick look at his body, then added, “a stupid fight is not going to make me leave. I love you way too much for that, and I'm sorry for hurting you too.”

He could still read fear and uncertainty all over your face, and he didn't like that. He knew that you trusted him, and he didn't doubt your love for him.

At first, he didn't get it. He didn't understand the insecurities, the anxiety and the nightmares you suffered from especially after the inevitably worst of arguments that happened between you and him. But after longer and deeper talks, with you expressing your feelings and him listening with careful ears, it made much more sense to him.

Sometimes he hated himself for triggering your alarms and making it harder for you, but he knew it was neither his fault nor was it yours.

Growth and pain are two key elements that come arm in arm with love, and fights are an unpreventable part of any kind of relationship. For all that, he always ended up blaming himself for making you question your worth to him when he can't even sleep without you happily cuddling his side.

Softly, lovingly, he started prepping tender kisses over your cheeks, nose, forehead, chin, temples, all over your flushed face.

It worked like watching waving fields of green wheat dancing with the wind, your storm started to slowly die down and your heart felt at ease again. slowly, but definitely.

Smiling ever so affectionately, Yoongi sealed his reassurance with a loving kiss that consumed you whole, and it left the corners of your mouth curving up in a dazzling smile. You nuzzled his chest and sighed.

“I really hate fighting with you.” you mumbled into his clothed chest, drained and light headed from all the crying and nearly-a-panic-attack you went through.

“I know, I'm sorry. I hate it too." he whispered back.

There was a pause of comfortable silence, with both of you breathing each other in, before he wondered aloud: “did you fall down the stairs? are you okay?”

You chuckled breathily at his question, recalling the hysteria he had to deal with just a few minutes ago. But Yoongi was there, right beside you. your arms were tightly wrapped around his torso, right by your side.

He had some kind of exceptionally irrepressible magic in those fierce eyes and that gummy smile of his, you inarguably couldn’t be more grateful for that.

“I'm alright. Was too busy crying, I didn’t even feel a thing to be honest.” you said, and he giggled.

“I love when you’re clumsy like that, but please be more careful, muffin. Can’t have you hurting yourself because of me even more." Even with your face buried into the crook of his neck, you could feel and hear the heavy pout in that comment.

Huffing, you leaned away with furrowed brows and a strict gaze. Yoongi gulped. Hesitation took over him, yet he knew that honesty is the only thing that must be present to drive this conversation to an end.

Honestly brings clarity, he found himself reminding himself of that very often.

"as long as we take care of each other, it's okay. I love you." you affirmed, and perhaps Yoongi almost teared up because of the way you looked at him right then and there. He wouldn't utter a word to spoil that information out loud, though.

The shy grin and the flushed cheeks you were met with were worth risking the entire world and its eight billion residents. You couldn't help but smile and pull him into another hug.

"This is great and all, but my butt is numbed. I think there's no blood flowing down there anymore," he said, his heart swooning when you giggled at his humorous change of topic, so relieved that he was finally able to hear your brightness again.

"Let's go back to rest, darling." He stood up, grabbed your hand and squeezed it in his, then gently pulled your body up and dragged you to your shared bedroom, where everything and everyone else meant little to nothing at all as you laid in each other's arms.

#yoongi x reader #yoongi #bts #yoongi scenarios #yoongi drabble #yoongi fluff #bts scenarios #bts yoongi #yoongi angst #hurt/comfort #suga fluff #bts fluff #suga angst #suga fic #abandoment issues #bts imagines #bts fic

[asumofwords]

Smoke, Fire and Ash

Warnings: This fic includes noncon, dubcon, manipulation, violence, death, forced marriage, and inc3st. Tags will be added as the fic goes on. Angst, grief, sorrow, fighting.

This is a dark!fic. 18+ only. Read at your own discretion. Please read the warnings before continuing.

Summary: You are the eldest daughter of Rhaenyra and Daemon Targaryen. You are forced to navigate the difficult surroundings of your upbringing and the eventual disintegration between your family and the Hightower's relationship. What will happen when your older and estranged uncle suddenly takes a more sinister interest in you? (Dark!Aemond x Reader)

Masterlist

Characters: Aemond Targaryen X Reader, HOTD characters.

Note: Hello angels, here is the next chapter hehe, bit of a sad one but what do we expect from SF&A at this point? Lmaooo. I've almost completely finished writing the whole series, so updates may become more regular as I pump it all out for you. What a journey this has been! Enjoy <3

Chapter 92: Burn Together

To say that things went back to normal would be a farce.

It was all a farce. 

The fake smiles. The small nods. The words of affirmation and condemnation. The false sense of security and even falser acts of content. It was all wrong. It was all changed. And it was all too much.

You spend much of your days in the Garden, sat where you were usually seated, staring out at the water as you tried to uphold some sense of strength. Tried to show some vision of superiority and that the loss of the child was divine intervention. As though the anger and hurt had gone, as though the sadness and regret had left, because you knew it was for the better, or perhaps the Gods had told you so. 

Words came to you rarely as you began to shrink into yourself again, but with each shrinking moment came the bursting strikes of life. Not happiness or joy, not frustration or longing, pure and uncontested rage.

Rage that it happened.

Rage that he had done nothing.

Rage at your stupidity.

Rage at your desire for more.

Aemond did not try to pry words from you, nor did he even try to touch you. He simply let you exist around him, giving you the space to come to him when needed. Late at night, in the darkness of the chambers you would roll to face him, and the most bitter of sobs would leave your lips. 

At first Aemond had been uncertain, and stayed still amongst the sheets, unsure of whether or not to hold you or offer you support. But when you had rolled and pressed yourself into his side, his arms had curled around you in a way that felt natural, as though your body was made to fit between his in such a way, and let you cry against his chest. 

Your clothes, your maids noticed, had begun to wear large on you, finding that you had no want to eat nor any appetite to do so. Even with the gentle encouragement of them both, you still did not find the heart to do it, looking at the bowl of star fruit in front of you, stomach full of lead. 

But Aemond allowed you to do it. 

He allowed you to grieve, but at some point, everyone has their limit, and it seemed that tonight was the night for his. 

“You need to eat, Y/n. You need move past this grief. Do not let it consume you.” He implored, grasping at your cheeks.

You pulled away from him, looking up at him with a shaky lip, “Nothing you do will ever make this okay! Nothing you say will take away what you have already done, or what you are to do.”

“What are you talking about?” He questioned, deep lines in his brow.

“This! Us!” You broke, “All of it. It seems as though the Gods have destined us with nothing but pain and agony, and how much more must I bear? My heart cannot take it, Aemond.” A tear slid down your cheek, “I am tired, but more than this I am so alone. So very much alone even with you standing in front of me. Even as I can reach out and touch you with mine own hands. Even as you promise me sweet nothings, I know that it will never be enough to satiate the hungers of the punishments I will soon be lashed with.”

Aemond shook his head, stepping forward towards you again, “Do you think I am going to hurt you? I’m not going to punish you for losing the child. It was not your fault.”

A sob fell from your lips, “Then why do I feel one coming? Why do I always feel as though I am one hair away from your cruelty? We take one step forward together and five steps back. I have given you everything, and yet what do you give me? Nothing. You did nothing. You stood there and watched as I was brought before Aegon. What if it had been me? I thought it was going to be me! And you stood there like a craven and just watched.”

His violet eye blinked at you, the sapphire beside it, still.

You sucked in a breath again, “You watched as your precious wife, the mother to your child, was brought to the throne by force. You watched as Aegon threatened to take my tongue. And what did you do, Aem? You stood there and did fucking nothing!” Anger rose within you, bubbling viciously beneath your skin, “You stood there like a craven as your brother accused me of treason! Your wife! Your supposed love! Your one childhood companion who did nothing but defend you, no matter the odds or punishment! It has always been me. I have been the only one to ever love you. The only one to ever care. The only one to ever defend you. How many times did I do that for you? From the training yard, to the dragon pit, to the Sept. And when the time came for you to defend my honour, you were that same, scared little boy who would hide in the tunnels after his brother would tease him.” Heat rose on your cheeks as you looked at your uncle, his face stern and his eye narrowed.

"You expected me to do what?" Aemond snapped, "What did you expect me to do in that moment? I was not even told you were being brought to the chambers. I could not have possibly done anything that would not have made it worse. If Aegon had seen me react, he would have delighted in the sight and been moved to do more."

You scoffed, “I am burdened with being wed to a coward who hides behind the illusion of duty. A man who cannot even stand up to his drunken, pathetic, whoring brother.” You forced out a humourless laugh, watching as Aemond became irritated, “My husband who rides the largest dragon in the world, my husband who is a skilled warrior; sits and waits to be told what to do like a dog. Doing everyone else’s bidding.” You stepped closer to him, eyeing him down, “If I had not seen your cock, I would have suspected you were a eunuch.”

“My duty is to my brother, to my mother. To my blood.” He sneered.

“And what of my blood, Aemond? What of our union? What of the prophesies from the Gods? Did they not command you to act as you watched me be dragged by men into the throne room? That babe may have been the Prince that was Promised, and now it is gone. Because of you.”

Aemond huffed, “I could do naught! He is my brother. He is the King.”

“And I am your wife! And the blood of the dragon between us runs thicker than the water of the womb you have shared. Like a scared little boy. Never have I seen you so pathetic. You left me for dead.”

Aemond scowled, “I would never do that to you.”

“And yet, you did. You left me at the hands of your brother. And you watched. You have only lost one eye, yet you are so blinded by your duty to them. I feel as though I have died already. I died the moment I watched you do nothing, as those men touched me, as the pain creeped into my womb. I died the moment I realised I meant nothing to you, and that you would let my fate fall into Aegon’s hands. Is this a cruel joke from the Stranger? Is my true reality too grievous for my soul to take? Am I destined for all eternity to love a man who does not love me back?”

“I do love you.” Aemond insisted, frustration in his tone.

“Then why do you let them hurt me?!” You cried, “Why do you hurt me? The Gods play tricks on my mind and my body, and punish me for your actions. She was your whore. Your bastard. And yet I was punished for it. Not you. Me.”

“I lost the child too, do you not think that it pains me so?”

“I know it does not! You did not feel it as I felt. You did not feel the life leave my body, or the pain that came after. You did not feel it pass through me.” You sniffed, another tear falling.

Aemond’s lip twitched as he looked down at you, voice dangerously low, “I thought I lost you both.”

“And that is where the sickness and depravity of the Gods come to fruition. It is a never ending cycle of hurt and be hurt. I do not know what they have planned for me, but I fear it, Aemond. I fear the path they have paved for me. That child was from them, I know it. I felt it in my bones. And yet we lost it. Will they punish me now for being so careless? Will they punish us both for not ensuring its birth? I cannot continue to wreak the consequences of the men around me. I will break. I will break like poor Helaena did. But even to that, there is nothing I can do because I fell in love with a man who’s actions wound me most terribly. There is this small, foolish piece of me still holding onto hope that the Aemond I grew up with would still care for me as he did.”

“I do. I love you deeply. I would do anything for you, surely you know this.” Aemond began, stepping forward to hold your face tightly in his large palms, thumbs brushing the tears that fell from your cheeks.

“It is okay,” You heaved a breath, “Please just tell me if it is a farce.” You grabbed his wrists almost desperately, “If you only say it so for the treaty. I will understand, I will even make my peace with it.” You said desperately,  “But please, I cannot survive my heart being torn apart by you any longer. I cannot do it, Aemond. I won’t. I will throw myself from Maegor’s Holdfast, I promise you this. I will set you free from these marriage bonds if you so wish, and my spirit from this earthly plane.”

Aemond stepped towards you, grabbing your shoulder and neck, fingers framing your chin, “Avy jorrāelan.” I love you, “Eman va moriot jorrāelatan ao.  Kesan va moriot jorrāelagon ao.  Se qēlossās kostagon ropagon hen se jēdar, se nyke iēdrosa jorrāelagon ao.” I have always loved you. I will always love you. The stars could fall from the sky, and I would still love you.  

Aemond’s eye narrowed as he spoke, brow furrowed in a way that creased the scar at his brow, “Eman jorrāelatan ao pār nyke ēlī ilagontan laesi va ao.  Se kesan jorrāelagon ao ēva ñuha mōrī jelevre.” I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. And I will love you until my last breath.

A loud sob left your lips as your heart clenched in your chest at his words.

"Hen se gūrēñare yard, naejot se havor tistālion, ēza va moriot issare ao.” From the training yard, to the kitchen, it has always been you.

“Aemond.” You hands tightened around his wrists in a way that would have been painful as you clutched him for dear life.

The Prince pulled you forward towards him, clutching you against his chest as he let you cry, wrapping his large arms around you, blanketing you in a feeling of safety that only he could bring to you.

You cried into him, feeling the last of your resolve fall away, and the rawness of your grief exposed to the chambers. He held you to him tightly, afraid to let go, your hands tightly wrapped in the front of his tunic.

When Aemond finally pulled back, he brought his lips to yours. It wasn’t burning with passion or desire, it wasn’t laced with regret and grief, instead, his lips moved against yours like a gentle whisper of assurance, a smaller whisper of truth, and the almost invisible whisper of a promise, all of which was overpowered by one thing, and one thing only.

Love.

Your uncle pulled away, looking down at you with nothing but adoration as he spoke again,“Lanta rōvēgrie zaldrīzes perzyssy, hēnkirī hae mēre. Spool hen kasta, spool hen zōbrie. Iā rōvēgrie ropagon naejot letagon lanta hubon. Vējes naejot zālagon hēnkirī.” 

Two great dragon flames, together as one. Spool of green, spool of black. A great fall to tie two threads. Fated to burn together.  

Tears continued to fall, but not because of grief. Not because of the sorrow that swallowed you into its dark pit, its wispy tendrils pulling you beneath its icy surface. Not because of the regret that you had, or guilt that you felt for the Maester.

You cried because you knew it was the truth. 

You knew it to be.

It had to be. 

All of this could not be for naught.

“Avy jorrāelan.” I love you, He whispered again.

You gave him a sad smile in return, “And I love you, but I don’t think I will survive this.”

“I will not let them hurt you.” 

You looked at Aemond carefully, watching as the words left his mouth, at the way his eye held conviction, at the way his mouth held an almost Godly truth.

The way he said it to be true.

As though speaking would make it so.

“You already have.”

Aemond dipped his head towards you again and kissed you, pulling you against his body once more as you wrapped your arms around him, sighing into the kiss, feeling relief in his touch, safety in his arms, warmth in his reach.

Slowly Aemond moved you backwards towards the bed.

Your heart did not race nor skip, your breath did not hitch, and you went with him willingly, hands reaching the bottom of his tunic to begin unclasping the latches that held it together. 

When the last clasp was undone, your hands skated beneath gently, softly, slowly, and moved up his torso, feeling the hard lines of his body, and the warmth of his skin, and the subtle breaths that he took as you made your way to his shoulders, hands moving beneath to slide it off his his body. It fell to the floor, the next his under tunic, and before long, your hands reached forward to unlace his breeches. 

Aemond spun you softly, pushing your hair away from your neck and forward over your shoulder, kissing the bare skin as he unlaced and the back of your gown, the heavy material sagging on your body until it slid to the floor beneath you. 

Breeches and chemises were lost, boots and stockings tossed, until finally the two of you laid atop the green sheets of your bed, his callused hands skating over your skin in reverence, with undying patience and care. 

First he took you with his mouth, bringing you to your peak with the help of his long fingers, stretching you open for him and whispering words of praise against your slick skin. When you peaked with a cry, he kissed his way up your body, through the valley of your breasts until he hovered above you, seeking permission to move as he lined himself with your core. 

You tilted your head upwards, chasing his lips as he slid inside of you slowly, the both of you moaning into each others mouths. Pleasure coursed through you with every thrust, heat blooming in your core as he made love to you for the first time.

It was not possessive or rough, violent or haste, it was slow, and sensual, hands mapping out bodies, savouring the flickering sparks that spouted beneath your skin. The small sighs that he made, the moans as he dipped his head into your neck.

All of it devastatingly pure.

The tears came without you even noticing them there, Aemond finding them upon your cheeks with a moment of concern. He brushed the tears away from your cheeks as he stilled, the length of him throbbing inside of you, desperate to keep moving. 

“Are you hurt?”

You shook your head vehemently, “I wish we hadn’t wasted so much time apart.” You whispered, hips moving up to meet his, encouraging him to move again, “I wish the war had not happened.” Aemond slid through your folds as you babbled beneath him, “I wish that we had not done the things we had done.” 

Aemond bent his neck to kiss you again, tongue chasing yours before he pulled away, the breath having been stolen from your lungs.

“We cannot go back, we can only move forward.”

You nodded, weakness and sorrow buried down beneath you as you looked at him with determination.

“Burn together.”

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[nocturnesmoon]

And no room for error (2/2)

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x John "Soap" MacTavish x Reader Word count: 5.7k Tags: Hurt/comfort, Fluff, Happy ending, Established throuple, polyamory, military inaccuracies, Mental instability, Ambiguous reader CW: Trauma, Panic attacks, Paranoia/anxiety, Insecurities, (let me know if I missed anything) A/N: Part 2 is heeeereee, hope you enjoy, I recommend reading the first part first, but I suppose you can read this as a standalone too. (Part 1) (Read on Ao3) -They help you through the recovery process-

It feels like you're drowning.

There's no air left for you in the world. All the oxygen that was reserved for you, has been stolen right out of your lungs, leaving them burning. Everything feels like it's on fire, making you long for the days when any pain you might feel would be so much less.

Someone's arms are around you, but you don't recognize them. All you can feel is the muscle in them, how strong they must be, how easily they could overpower you without leaving a chance to fight back.

They're telling you something, something about being safe, that you're home, that nothing can hurt you. Lies. It's all lies being fed right to you, nowhere is safe, not anywhere has been safe for a long time. The moment you show weakness is when they'll strike, you have to keep it in, keep it together.

But being broken down into a heave of sobs isn't exactly keeping it together. Your hands are clutched against your chest, pulling at the fabric of a shirt that's definitely not yours. The hands that had been circled around your body like a cage, moved to help you pull the shirt over your head and take it off. Leaving your upper body naked, but finally feeling able to breathe, you suck in a large amount of air that almost does the opposite of its intent and makes you cough.

You turn your head away from the world, into the chest of the body that a few moments ago felt so threatening, now turning into a beacon of light that wants to guide you. Their voice fills your ears, no longer muffled and incoherent, but filled with a comforting familiarity.

"There ye go love, ye're alright."

You breathe in their scent, light smell of aftershave and something else that you can't place, but it's familiar it's home. You're home. The realization finally settles itself back into your skull, making your inherent panic slowly make its way down.

When you look up and stare into those beautiful blue eyes, you find an adoration and love that's tinted by guilt and sadness. It makes you want to break down into a sob again, his sad blue eyes and his sad mohawk was making you frown. How can a mohawk be sad? You don't know, it just is right now.

"Johnny…" your voice breaks just as you call his name, you're not even sure what you want from him. For him to let you go, for him to hold you closer, get you something for your dry throat, or to wipe your tears away. Everything feels like a big blob of nothing in your body, something that feels so painful, and yet also feels like nothing at all.

He shushes you quietly, tugging you impossibly closer, encouraging you to cry it out and get it out of your system. You sigh against him, letting your body turn from rigid to soft and malleable, molding yourself against him to get comfortable. Your breathing slows, coming back from your wild state once you realize where you are.

The bathroom lights hit sharply in your eye, making you turn away with a wince. You lay half naked in his grasp, only a towel hastily draped over you, giving you a little decency. Not that it used to be a problem, both your partners had seen you naked too many times to count.

You look towards the bathtub, filled up and ready. It threatened you, looking endlessly deep and ready to swallow you whole. It whispered to you, that as soon as you dipped your toes in, you'd be dragged under, filled around with a black mass until the water would enter your lungs. That no matter how much you tried to rise up for air, someone would be holding you down.

The second sigh you let out is a lot shakier, the panic is replaced with guilt quicker than you can recognize it. Shame creeping across your chest in a prickly feeling that makes you bow you head away from him.

He interrupts you before you can say it, "It's okay, no need to feel guilty." He shifts slightly on the floor, being careful to not move you too much. "Doctor said it would take time, we'll take it at your pace okay," he says in a quiet comforting tone.

"You ready to try again?" he urges quietly, placing a kiss of encouragement to the top of your head. He rests his chin atop your head, patiently waiting for you to gather yourself and give him a response.

When you gently shake your head against his chest, burying yourself into him once more, he merely nods. There'll be time to try again later in the day, all he cares is that you feel safe enough to try again.

The pancakes are coming out weird. Normally Simon would say he's quite good at getting a round shape and a fluffy look, but today the batter and the pan don't seem to be working with him. Maybe it's the stress, but he doesn't want to admit it.

You've been back for a few weeks now, finally back in their grasp, back in their arms where you're safe and where you belong. Though he should be relaxed now that you're back, he's tense in an entirely new way.

He's no longer afraid that you might be dead, but there's a new fear that has taken residence within him. Ever since you got back you haven't been the same, understandably so. You were put in therapy promptly whether you wanted to or not, weekly sessions that you haven't expressed much opinion about yet.

It’s hard seeing you like this, you're eerily quiet way more often, staring off into space, and no matter what you refuse to be in any room alone. It doesn't matter if you're sleeping, showering, or doing nothing at all. The biggest struggle has been on that matter, they support you in every way they can, but they also know how much you hate it yourself.

How you so easily go in a panic if you're left alone in a room, how hard it is to get you back to a state of calm. It's exhausting on your psyche, and they can see the toll it takes on you. It's bad enough they're not keen on letting you out of their sights for long anyway.

Your therapist said that it would take time, but eventually you'd be able to work yourself back to a state of normalcy, and that until then, all that Simon and Johnny could do was give you all the support you needed. And so, they did, no questions asked.

Simon sighs as he flips another wrecked pancake over, the sizzling of the pan getting to him, the noise grating something disgusting in his brain. He tears his eyes away from his deformed child pancakes and looks towards the couch in the living room.

He smiles at the sight of you and Johnny snuggled up on it, fast asleep the both of you. Stray rays of sunlight comes through the closed curtains, painting your cheek and Johnny's chest in a soft golden glow.

Johnny's arms are secured around your waist, holding you close to him, your head on his bare chest listening to his steady heartbeat for something real for your mind to grasp at. You've been sleeping a lot more recently.

Johnny theorized that you're just catching up on sleep, finally being able to rest and recover now that you were safe. Simon thinks that your brain finds it easier to exist when you aren't conscious most of the time. Though he wishes that Johnny's theory is all it is.

Simon knows all too well what it's like to come back from something as traumatic as that. Some days he feels like he hasn't even fully recovered himself from his own past. It's something that still lives with him all these years later, and it kills him to know that it's likely to be a similar journey for you as well.

At least he can give himself the small reprieve in the knowledge that both he and Johnny will be there for you every step of the way, no matter what you might need from them. However, even then it never escapes the back of his mind that it might as well have been their fault that you got taken.

He pushes the thought away just as quick as it arrives, he's already spent so long entertaining the idea, but the facts are also staring him in the face. You had been targeted almost randomly, at least in the sense that it had nothing to do with them or their job. The men had been revealed to have no connection to the 141 or anything even closely related.

More or less, it was one terrible, terrible coincidence.

He flips over the pancake one last time before putting it on the plate with the rest of the deformities. He turns off the stove and moves the pan off the heat, looking over everything to make sure it's alright to leave.

With a sigh he grabs a towel and dries off his hands, walking out of the open kitchen and into the living room. It wasn't any of their choices, this apartment was not the best fit for the three of you, but it was what they could get on such short notice.

Only having you back home for a few weeks now didn't exactly invite mental space to consider apartment hunting. Though Simon knew you wouldn't thrive for long here, you had already expressed your dislike of the bathroom, and of the window placement. It gave him a little hope that you'd be able to go looking with them soon, that they'd be able to get a full new start soon, but for now it was still too early.

He crouches down next to the couch, carefully reaching over to gently caress your cheek. His thumb glides over a forming scar that’s still visible near your ear. His eyes search over your face, watching the way the light falls on your skin, the way your complexion is, the color of your hair. He maps out the way your face looks, the new changes that weren't there before, he wonders where every little new crease comes from.

You haven't spoken a lot about what the traffickers did to you, also understandably so. You said you were working through it in the therapy, but it didn't make them any less anxious about what happened to you.

"Mh…Welcome home Si…" Johnny's sleepy voice ruffs out, quiet and careful to not wake your sleeping form in his arms. He looks to Simon through half-lidded eyes, he swallows through his dry throat, moving just a tad to try and wake his sleeping limbs.

"When d'ye come back?"

Simon let's out a huff of a sigh, a small sound coming from deep in his chest. His hand moves from your sleeping face to Johnny's instead. His fingers gently gliding over the rough stubble, as he watches his partners soft blue eyes get more and more visible as he wakes up.

"An hour ago," Simon mumbles in response "didn't wanna wake the two of ya, made some pancakes though… " he looks towards the opening to the kitchen and winces, "Well I tried to."

"Hm, am sure they taste delicious, like always" Johnny says with a smile on his lips, his eyes closing as he leans his cheek against Simon's hand. It's a moment of bliss for the both of them, their own little cocoon of happiness, all neat and wrapped up with you in the middle.

It doesn't take long before you're stirring as well, sensing both their presences to be awake. Simon retracts his hand when you start moving your head, to make sure you don't bump into him. "Mornin' love" he whispers quietly, leaning in to place a soft kiss to your forehead.

Your lips break into a soft smile, an even softer sigh escaping you as you mumble something back that was probably supposed to be a good morning. Your eyes remain closed for as long as you can stand it, basking in Johnny's warmth and burying your face into his neck, eliciting a chuckle from him.

"C'mon loves," Simon grumbles rising himself back up to stand, hovering over the couch "let's eat yeah?"

The bedroom is dark and quiet, the only noise that could be heard above the ringing tinnitus in your ears would be Simon's heartbeat. You had always loved being smushed between the two, now more than ever it helped you feel grounded, safe.

You had been awake for a while now, softly listening to their breathing, Johnny's soft snoring and Simon's deep air flow. It's comfortable, nowhere else in the world you'd rather be in this moment. You just had one tiny hang-up about it all.

You needed to pee, really badly.

Johnny's arm was firmly draped around your waist, keeping a pressure that you usually liked while he pressed his chest into your back. You could feel his soft breath on the back of your neck, his presence is overpowering alone already, and next to Simon it's always like things are doubled for better or for worse.

Simon on the other hand, wasn't holding onto either of you per se. His arm was draped out to the side, allowing you to snuggle up to him and lay your head on his warm chest, meanwhile Johnny could use his arm as an extension of his pillow.

You could easily wiggle free if you wanted to, but that was the thing. Even though your brain screamed at you to get a move on to the toilet, you knew that as soon as you closed the door to the bathroom it would be screaming for different reasons.

You had a tendency to really hate your brain lately, and a sudden surge of indecisiveness didn't help the subject either. You don't know how long you've been laying here and thinking about getting up.

You had considered waking up Simon, he said you could, if there ever was anything yet your muscles didn't move.

There hadn't gone more than two nights between, before you had another nightmare that would wake you up. They'd always be there of course, either talking you back to sleep with kind words, or if sleep avoided you, they'd take you to the living room to watch a comfort movie, leaving the other to continue sleeping had they been so fortunate as to not wake up.

You felt beyond guilty about it. You knew that their sleep tended to border horrible already, and you certainly weren't helping it. They were exhausted from it, you could see it, maybe even more exhausted than you, and yet they never complained.

With a soft sigh you manage to wiggle free from Johnny's grip, wincing and recoiling every time one of them seemed to be waking up. Slowly but surely, you managed to get out of their hold, and both of them seemingly still asleep.

You could still remember earlier in your relationship with them when it was all still new and fresh. They'd be much more easily woken up by the tiniest movements, always on alert. They still were occasionally when they had just gotten home from deployment, but it didn't usually take long to get them back into that sense of comfort and safety.

The bed creaks as you settle in the end of the bed, crossing your legs and looking towards the little bathroom that's connected to the bedroom. It's right there, maybe if you're quick, close your eyes, hurry and maybe you can be faster than your fears.

Yet not a single muscle in you moves.

All you find yourself doing is sitting there and staring at the door. You've never felt more pathetic than you do now, and it's not even something you can control. Because god knows you wish you could control it, that you could will it away with a flick of the wrist.

Tears press on your eyes, and you snap them shut to stop them from falling. You refuse to cry, not now, not over something that's so stupid to you. You let out a heavy shaky sigh, your hands coming up to rub at your cheeks and smooth out to your neck. You let your head hang low, trying to get your brain to make up its mind.

You freeze when the bed creaks again but not from your movements this time around. You don't need to look back to know who it is, and another sigh escapes you when you feel his burly body mold itself against your back.

His blonde curls coming into view when he buries his head against your neck and places a featherlight kiss to your skin. He still seems half asleep, his body heavy against your back, using you to lean himself against as he processes what's going on.

"Bathroom?" he asks in a hoarse voice, his tongue smacking against his lips to wet them along with his throat.

You nod quietly, not finding it in yourself to answer him verbally, you have no idea what kind of tone would come out from your vocal cords. His arms tighten around you briefly to mimic a hug, his chest humming against your back when he acknowledges it.

"C'mon love," he leans back and rubs the remaining sleep out of his eyes. When he moves out of the bed you don't immediately follow him. Your eyes going back to Johnny as if to check that he's still sleeping, that you didn't ruin both of their cycles this time.

Simon's hand gently cups your cheek, guiding your gaze upwards to meet his own. "He's still asleep, c'mon" his hand moves from your cheek to your arm, hoisting you up to your feet. Once you get steady it moves again to settle on the back of your neck. A soft and guiding grip that he knows helps you relax, allows you to stop thinking about anything, and put your trust in him to get you to where you need to go.

It's a simple thing, not really needed in this context but you appreciate his attention to detail anyways.

You both quietly move to the bathroom so you can do what you need to do. He slowly sinks to the ground with a sigh, leaning up against the white wall while he lets you do your thing. He almost looks like he's fallen back asleep sitting up by the time you’re done.

You slide down beside him, leaning your head against his shoulder before he moves his arm to pull you into his chest. "I'm sorry," you whisper quietly against him, feeling the need to say it over and over again.

"Don't," he stops you quickly, squeezing you closer and placing a kiss to your temple. "You can't help it right now,"  he sighs and gently runs his fingers over your scalp. "You know that we'll always take care of you right? No matter what you need, big or small it's not a problem," he cranes his neck to look you in the eye.

"I know…" you whisper quietly, "I just feel like I'm ruining everything, nothing has been the same since…well you know…"

"What was done to you was cruel, and completely out of your control dove," he pauses briefly as if to think about the words he's going to say next. "None of it is your fault, a lot of things are different now yes, but it's not changing anything between the three of us, you needing a bit of extra help is not you ruining anything," he reassures you.

You let out a heavy sigh, curling into his body as his hold tightens around you. "It still doesn't feel good," you mumble into his chest, closing your eyes and enjoying his warmth. He had always been a bit of a human furnace.

"I know love, I know" he presses another kiss to your head, "It'll get better though."

A calm quiet settles over the two of you while you rest against each other on the ground. Your hands gently fiddle with his shirt while his own hands tap over your scalp. It doesn't take long before it starts hurting to sit on the hard ground.

"Let's go back to bed…" you suggest with a deep sigh, feeling him nod against you and begin to move to get back up.

You're not surprised to find that Johnny is still fast asleep, having not even moved an inch. He was always such a heavy sleeper when he finally was home, the safety it brought giving his body reprieve he wasn't able to get anywhere else.

Though he didn't fail to notice as you and Simon fell back into bed. He stirred slightly, groaning sleepily as you molded your body to his once again. He pulled you closer, burying his face in your neck and breathing you in.

"Where'd ye go" he asks quietly, his voice breathy and almost incoherent to you. His accent always got thicker around certain times; mornings included. Your back arched as you stretched out and got comfortable in his hold, pressing yourself into his chest while Simon comfortable next to the two of you.

"Bathroom," Simon answers slightly groggy, already feeling the pull of sleep beckoning him back under. Johnny mumbled something in response, but you didn't manage to catch it, already off in your own little world of dreams and sleep wrapped up nice and warm in-between them.

When you finally started getting better, it began looking up again. Both your boys were happy with the progress, and for once, you were too. You still had a long way to go, but small steps, one at a time showed progress. It also helped more of your usual personality come back, and of course not to mention the amounts of complaints you had about the apartment they had temporarily found.

Enough so that they finally decided to look at different listings and get a move on the whole process.

Johnny looked on with a smile, as you quietly went through the empty apartment like a cat on the prowl. It was the fourth place they had been to, each one before you had been unsatisfied with, and though Simon had liked the third place shown, he agreed it wouldn't be enough space.

So far you hadn't had any complaints about this one, it was spacious, had a little more room than the old place, and checked off almost everything in your checklist. As far as Johnny could tell, this could potentially be it.

He could definitely see it, lazy mornings spend in the bedroom, Friday movie nights on the couch, Simon and Johnny baking your favorite cake in the kitchen for your upcoming birthday. It was a life he could envision in this apartment, a happy space that was just for the three of you.

You had disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes now, and it got him curious enough to follow you. He walked over and leaned against the open doorway, his eyes landing on you standing in the middle of the room.

Having sensed his presence, you spoke without bothering to turn around and look at him, "There's no tub." His eyebrows creased, as his eyes scanned the small bathroom. There wasn't a whole lot of space, most definitely smaller than the last place, but not any worse in Johnny's humble opinion.

"An absolute need?" he asks you curiously, making his way over to you and sliding his arms around your waist. You let out a sigh and let yourself lean back against him, feeling his chin come to rest on your shoulder.

"Well, no but…" you chew on your lip while you try to formulate your words, but you never get a chance to finish your sentence.

"Right, I've had enough of this prick let's go," Simon appears in the doorway, his arms crossed and even with the black surgical mask on it wasn't hard to see that he was pissed off. Johnny moved to the side, keeping one hand on your hip as he looked back at his other partner.

"Why what's wrong?" you ask concerned, looking back at his darkened eyes, and crossed arms. As much as you had always enjoyed the muscles on his body, he had a very special way of looking threatening when he was angry.

You quietly went over to him through a few steps, Johnny gently letting you go, only being a few steps behind. "Prick's not worth our time, we'll find a new realtor" Simon grumbles, his stance becoming less standoffish as you come into his space.

His eyes soften as he looks at you, and then Johnny behind you. Whatever the realtor did or said really didn't sit right with him. "What'd he do?" Johnny asks in a tone that's as concerned as your expression.

"Doesn't matter," Simon answers his tone laced with annoyance, "we can find better than this place anyway, no tub." He uncrosses his arms to gesture around the bathroom, your own gripe with the place having no tub wasn't only yours.

"The both of ye really want that tub huh…"

Johnny's chuckle makes you smile, turning around to face him and crossing your arms to mimic Simon moments prior. "Of course, the tub is the most important part," you say cheekily looking over your shoulder again to see if Simon agreed with you.

"Obviously" he backs up you up proudly, watching on as Johnny looked at the two of you like you were ridiculous.

"Well, we better get goin' then, clearly this place would be better burning" Johnny laughs, his infectious happiness making you smile even when he ushers you out of the bathroom. You don't get all the way before you collide with something that might as well have been a brick wall.

You blink twice before realizing that the brick wall was a human, and the human was your realtor. You take a quick instinctive step to the side to get out of his way, but at the same time he takes a step back as well.

"Ugh finally, are the three of you done, I've got other appointments you know" The realtor barely even gets to finish his sentence before he's pushed back by Simon. He lets out a pathetic yelp when he drops his clipboard.

"Now listen here Mark, if you ever as much as look wrong in their direction again, let alone even try to actually insult them, I will personally make sure you never see the light-"

"Oookay, time to go love," Johnny's voice filters through Simons hyper specific threats, his hands resting on your shoulders as he steers you towards the door, leaving Simon to it. Despite your struggling and tries of looking back to call for your partner, you don't get free of Johnny's grip before your out in the hallway again.

"Christ…he's not gonna bash his teeth in again?" you ask nervously, trying to ignore the urge to go back in there and drag him out here. It wouldn't be much use, unfortunately he was a lot stronger than you.

"No of course not…the idiot isn't…well he's not that dumb, I think he's just gotta get the threats out of his system…fucker kind of deserved it," a crooked smile decorates his lips as he gently pulls you closer to him.

"He wasn't that bad…he's probably just stressed" you tried to reason, one hand gripping Johnny's forearm as you leaned into him. You had always been rather seeking of touch, even before what happened, but even moreso now, it always felt nice when they instigated it first.

"Darling he…"

"Okay but still, he shouldn’t get worked up so easily…" you decided on, leaving little room for arguing, not that Johnny ever wanted to on purpose.

"Ah know love…" Johnny sighs, his head perking up when Simon comes back out as well. He had always been a bit prone to anger, most of the time it was a quiet simmer inside him, but occasionally it would bubble out.

It was something he said he was working on, but sometimes you wondered how exactly he was doing that. It usually wasn't a problem, so he probably was in control of it, but it never failed to surprise you how quick he was to go off on someone if they were rude to either you or Johnny.

"We done here?" he asks clearly still in a mood, as he looks between the two of you.

"If you're done chewing his head off" Johnny said in response, knocking his head in the direction of the stairs so the three of you could get a move on. He moved away from you and started making his way to the stairs.

Simon took his place at your side, looking to you with a tinge of concern. "You aright?" he whispers quietly, as if he wasn't the one that had spouted a rather colorful threat to someone else. You let out a small, amused huff, nodding your head yes in the process.

"Yeah, I’m just fine."

"And uhm…how long is it gonna be?"

You're sitting quietly on top of the kitchen counter, your back leaned against the wall behind you as you watch Johnny cook. The new apartment suited you; it didn't take long for you to start decorating it with everything that screamed you. Both Simon and Johnny were happy to see it, it was going really well, until they got called for another deployment.

"Price said it would only take a few days, maybe a week" Simon pockets his phone and crosses his arms. He avoids your eyes like they'd burn him if he looked back, he knew he'd buckle so fast if you were using that soft disappointed look.

You hadn't been happy at all when Price made contact with the boys to let them know they'd be deployed for another mission. Theoretically you knew that they'd have to go back eventually, it wasn't like that part would change, but it still felt so soon.

You had only gotten fully integrated into this apartment for a few days now, and while you had done your best to make it home, it was still new. You didn't like the idea of having to be alone in it for even that amount of time.

Johnny hadn't spoken a word about it yet ever since Simon emerged in the kitchen with the news. Though his silence was a pretty clear indicator of his mood about it. Just moments prior he had been chatting away about everything and nothing, now he was quieter than a mouse.

"Look we don't want to go any more than you want to see us leave, but it's nothing we haven't done before," He moves over to stand beside you, his hand running over your thigh and giving it a squeeze. "I'll help you make a list, so you don't get lost in your head," he adds when your hands lay on top of his.

You both look towards Johnny, observing his movements that have become distinctively sharper. He moves the pan off the heat and turns off the stove, not turning to look at either of you for a good few more seconds.

"Don't ye think it's a bit early…" His nervousness is the first the Simon notes. He knows what he's thinking about, the fear of coming back home to you being gone once again. Simon wasn't too keen on the thought either, but their lives couldn't be stopped completely, they had to return at some point.

"We'll be back in no time, just like usual" Simon tries to reassure, at this point not only you and Johnny, but himself as well. Johnny nods, moving closer to the two of you and settling in-between your dangling legs.

He knows they don't have a choice in the matter, it's their job, it's what they signed up for and they have a duty to fulfill. They upped the security on the new apartment, and they've helped you learn some self-defense techniques, he has to put trust in those and in you. He has to believe that your safe, even on your own.

"Love…d'ya pick a movie yet?" Johnny changes the looming subject that puts dread in your mind, to something less thought consuming. You smile for yourself, turning slightly sheepish as you nod your head yes.

Simon seemingly already picked up on it, chuckling quietly at it "Your favorite?" At your confirmation, he scoffs amused, he didn't have anything against it, but you had been watching it on repeat the last week. He was surprised you were still able to watch it without getting bored, but it was your favorite for a reason.

"Aright love, let's go put it on the TV, let Johnny finish our dinner," he pats your thigh bringing Johnny in for a kiss before stepping away and leading you to the living room. You immediately aim for the couch, plopping down and making it creak a little from the sudden impact.

Your eyes go around to the various decorations and pieces of home you've placed around. You've done anything you can to make it feel like your old place, you knew it wouldn't have the exact same feel, but you could still make this new feeling a good one here.

Simon finds the remote and takes a seat next to you, allowing you to cuddle up to him while he flips through streaming services to find the right movie. Before long Johnny would come in with the food, you'd all watch the movie, talk and joke around before falling into bed, cuddling each other until each one of you fell into deep sleep, safely nestled in each other’s arms.

And even though you knew they'd have to leave on deployment again soon. You also knew that they'd come home safe and sound like they promised, and when they do, just like you promised, you'd be here open arms and warms smile, ready to bring them in to the sanctuary you've built.

#noctmoon fics #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #ghoap x reader #soap x ghost #ghoap #ghost x soap x reader #simon ghost riley x you #john soap mctavish x you #ghost x reader x soap #soap x ghost x reader #ghost x reader #soap x reader

[fantasyandshit]

The light and the dark

Type:Series

Part:4/?

Other parts here

Pairing: Azriel x Archeron sister reader

Summary: Yn is recovering from her…incident. Az offers his help.

(Hey a/n here. I just want to take a moment to say thank you guys so much for all the support, past accounts I’ve had have had zero contact so this means so much to me and every time I see I’ve gotten a notification from you guys a smile comes to my face. I love y’all so much and I’m glad you enjoy my work. Please comment if you want to be added to the tag list or just want to tell me something, I love them so much! And remember I need ideas so please send me some! Love y’all enjoy reading!❤️❤️)

Pain. That’s the first thing I feel, agonizing pain throughout my body. Next, I feel a weight in my left hand, something bumped yet smooth. I’m on something soft, and there’s a weight on each side of me, starting just at my shoulder blades. What is that what- I shoot up, adrenaline causing me to not struggle with the added weight but my pain increases and I let out a yelp.

“Hey, hey! Calm down, calm down. You’re ok. You need to lay down.” Hands grapple at me and I struggle as I’m forced back into the bed. I let out groans and small screams as pain continues to flare in the unknown appendages-wings- my fucking wings. I have wings. I fucking.have.wings. And they hurt like hell. Ariel’s face comes in to view and I finally calm down.

“Az-azriel?”

“Yeah, yeah it’s me. You’re ok. Relax.”

“Hurts.” I whimper, tears coming to my eyes. “Really hurts Az.” That’s the first time Ive called him that and it comes out in a sob.

“I know love. I know. We’re gonna fix it ok. We’re gonna make it better yeah?” I barely register what he called me as I nod my head meekly.

“Hello Yn. I’m madja, I’m a healer. Can you tell me what hurts the most?”

“Wings.” My breath comes out a bit ragged as exhaustion hits me like a brick.

“Shit, some of the wounds reopened, Azriel keep her talking and awake.”

As my eyes flutter I feel two hands on my face, “hey, hey look at me. There she is.” My eyes lock on Ariel’s as shadows dance around me. I look over to his hands, grabbing one in my hand and he tenses as I bring it in front of my face and inspect it.

“Beautiful.” I mumble as my finger traces his scars, “they’re beautiful Az, you’re beautiful.” My eyes flutter again before fire bursts in my wings and I scream loud enough I’m sure the house shook, bucking away and writhing.

“Hold her down shadowsinger.” Az grabs me and holds me as the pain continues.

“No no Az please. It hurts it hurts please. Let me go.”

“Hold her still!”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The male looks away, tears of his own surfacing before Rhysand and Feyre appear, immediately understanding the situation and helping Az.

Feyre look to my eyes, “Feyre. Please it hurts. It hurts so bad.”

I watch her heart shatter in her eyes, “I know sis. I know.” Her hand whipped my sweaty face, “it’ll be over soon. I promise, it’ll all get better.”

Finally the pain leaves, now a dull ache as the fae let me go, Feyres hand now going through my hair, I lean into the comfort, eyes fluttering as I relax and finally fall asleep.

———

“She should be awake by now, it’s been two weeks since she last woke up.”

“Relax Az. She needs time, you forget she hasn’t been an Illyrian more than a month and a half and her wings were severely injured not minutes after she was made one.”

A groan leaves my lips and I speak without opening my eyes, my voice horse from lack of use, “please shut up. You’re so loud.”

“Yn?” I crack my eye open to see Az, his hand holding mine as he faces me, Feyre, Rhysand, Cassian, and a blond femal I do not recognize take different positions around the room.

“Hey Az.” A smile forms on my lips, “you were worried about me. That’s sweet.” I laugh at the blush that forms on his cheeks, Cassian and Rhysand doing the same. “I don’t mean to be rude but who are you?” I turn to the beautiful blond female.

“I’m Morrigan. It’s nice to finally officially meet you. I’ve heard A lot about you.”

“All good things I hope.”

A graceful chuckle leaves her lips, “of course.”

“Where is Nesta and Elain? Are they ok?” The thought rushes to me and I almost sit up but Azriel stops me.

“They’re perfectly fine, Elain is processing and has chosen to do so alone in her room, she didn’t wish to come today, she’s been a few times during your recovery, Nest-“ there’s a tense pause, “Nesta did not wish to visit.” I nod slowly, hurt that the sisters I saved didn’t wish to see me but put it off as them healing mentally. I decide to lighten the mood, taking out minds from the solemn topic.

“Now can someone get me some water, some food, and a wing scratcher. Those exist right? Cause if not you guys will have to play eni meni minie moe to decide who does it for me.” Cassian bellows in laughter, the rest joining as i look at them with raised eyebrows, “I’m serious, these things itch like I’ve bathed them in poison ivy.”

Az squeezes my hand, my attention returning to him as the others arrange for food and water..and figure out how to find a back scratcher. “That’s the ointments love, I’ll help take care of your wings. If you’re ok with that? Wings are precious to our kind, sensitive, sacred.”

“I’d really appreciate that sweetheart.”

Shocks spreads on the males face. “Huh?”

“I said I’d appreciate that. That you’re being a sweetheart.” I try to play it off and he chuckles.

“Ok love, whatever you say.”

“I like that.”

“What?” His brows scrunch as he turns his head a little.

“When you call me love.” Blush creeps up both of our faces as we stare at each other, only broken out my Cassian clearing his throat loudly.

“I have your soup and water. Mor will send in some clothes later for you to bath and change.”

“Thank you, I take the tray from his hands and Az helps me situate myself. “You can go you know. I know you probably have better things to do than baby tend me all day.”

“I’m not baby tending you, I’m helping you recover, and there’s nothing more important to me than helping you.” I look to my soup, praying he doesn’t notice the way my blush deepens further.

———

“Ok, how do you want to do this? I’m sat on a stool in the bathroom, still finding it hard to walk with the weird weight in my back.

“Could you-could you help me, I can’t undress myself.” For the millionth time today a blush spreads in our faces before he answers softly.

“Yeah, yeah I can do that.” His hands brush my back as he undoes the strings of my tunic, careful of my healing wings before he stands me up, leaning me on his arm as he slides my pants off, then helping peal of my undergarments and supporting me as I step into the warm bath water. I sink down as Azriel grabs the soaps needed. “Ok, I’ll start with your hair. Ok?”

“Ok.” I moan at the feeling of his hand massaging my scalp. Eyes falling shut as he leans my head back, carefully poring water over it and repeating that with conditioner.

“Ok um-wings are very intimate, and sensitive. Yours may be more so because they are so new and still healing. Is it ok if I touch them, I will clean them off and make sure to exfoliate and apply a lotion madja gave me to help with your itching and soreness?”

“Yes, yeah you can-you can do what you need to.”

“Ok. Az helps softly pull my wings out so they are flared seeing as I don’t know how to control the muscles yet. He softly scrubs a soap around them, when he hits a larger membrane at the top a gasp and whine leave me-fuck that feels good. “Are you ok?” He drops his movements.

“Yes I’m fine it feels really good.”

“Ok.” He nods before continuing softer than before.

That’s when it happens, his shadows are dancing around us and as I relax I spot them, tendrils of light twirling with his shadows. We both freeze as we watch, one of the lights dashes to me, rubbing my cheek before going to my ear and whispering to me. “Woah.”

“What, what’s going on.” Azriel is no longer calm

“Relax. It’s ok, they-they say I’m like you but I speak to light rather than dark. These are-these are my lights.” I chuckle, a smile gracing my lips as shadows and light twist in my hair and around me and Az’s bodies.

“Thats amazing love.” Az finishes getting the soap off my wings before helping me out and drying me off, slipping the night gown Mor gave me on and applying lotion to my wings. “We’ll tell Rhys about your powers in the morning. For now, get some rest ok love?”

“Ok.” As he turns to leave I catch his wrist, “please stay.”

After a moment, Azriel nods hesitantly, slipping his boots off and sliding into bed with me, tucking himself behind me. I grab his hands, wrapping them around me as I turn so my face is to his chest, our wings overlapping and enveloping us and themselves before we both drift off to sleep.

———

There we go! Part four! I hope you enjoy, I tried to make it really sweet and fluffy. I know it’s moving fast but I can’t hold back with Azzy baby ok.

Tag list:

@wallacewillow0773638

@pinksmellslikelove

@sassybluebird

@gorlillaglue25

@khaleesihavilliard

@thehighlordishere

@minnieoo

#acotar x reader #acotar #azriel x reader #elain archeron #azriel #elain x reader #feyre x reader #feyre archeron #nesta x reader #nesta archeron #rhysand x reader #rhysand #cassian x reader #cassian #morrigan #mor x reader #archeron reader

[strawberriescherrieskiwi]

I’ll borrow this music and give it to you.

Anon requests:

N/A

Wordcount: 17.8K+

Masterlist

Description: From Childhood crush, first love, and heartbreak, Amy and Laurie were staples in your life and you wouldn’t where you’ll be without them. Through fights, tears, and break up your roads always led back to each other.

A/N: So here this is. It’s insane how long this is. It is the longest thing I have written to do and I am very proud of myself for writing something this long. It took working on it off and on all month and I kept adding new scenes, I hope you all love it. Title is long but it is based on a song I listened to on repeat while writing them.   Tagging @livresjaunes​ I hope you like it.

And also tagging @sufferingstarlight​ as their Queer week and Throple fic inspired me.

Warning: Fluff, Angst, Slow burn, friends to love, Reunited lovers, first love, young love, Traid couple. Smut. A lot of flashbacks. Mention of child abuse, abusive family. Homophobia and innerhomophobia.  Character death- not major.

Amy

Amy

Amy

Those were the first words you thought of in the morning and the last words you thought of at night.  Amy was your best friend. How could you not think of her all the time? No one made you as happy as Amy, no one knew you as well as Amy did, and no one held you together quite like Amy did.

She was more than your best friend, she was your life, your person. So she was a bit rough around the edges sometimes, but she was young and eager to be different from her sisters. To have 3 lovely sisters that everyone loved was hard for her. She wanted to be just like them and stand apart from them.

You saw Amy apart from her sisters. You saw how smart, talented, and strong she was.  You always had her back, always by her side to build her up when she was down, to make her laugh when she was sad.

“Amy, you’ll get into trouble if you do that,” you whispered over her shoulder, biting your lip nervously, looking around the room to ensure the teacher was still gone.

“You worry too much. I want to show everyone my skills,” she said, smiling over her shoulder at you. The other girls laughed at your fear, egging her on.

“We all know you are talented, you don’t have to get into trouble to prove it,” you huffed going back to your seat and pulling out a book to read. You enjoyed school and you didn’t like being on your teacher’s bad side. 

“Miss March,” The teacher snapped when he saw Amy drawing on the desk. His loud voice made you jump slightly and you stared at Amy.

“Hand, Miss March,” he said. 

When Amy started to cry you stood up. “You can’t just hit her. You can’t just hit any of us,” you said, stubbornly.

“Would you like to take her hits for her?” He asked glaring at you.

“No,” Amy said standing up. “It is my punishment,” she said to him, but her eyes were on you.

You pouted slightly. You were stronger than Amy, you were used to being hit. Something that Amy was well aware of and always tried to protect you from it. The last thing you would do is to allow you to get punished for something she did.

You had to look away as his ruler came down on her knuckles again and again. Her sobs made you sob as well and then she was running out of the school, ignoring the calls of the teacher.

“You are a horrible teacher,” you spat at him.

“You all will thank me one day,” he said, going to the front of the room.

You scoffed, slamming your books on the desk. “I wouldn’t ever thank you and if I had my way you’ll never teach again.”

“Well, I am glad you have no say then. Now sit down before you are punished,” he threatened.

You glared at him, grabbing your things and leaving. You refused to be around him any longer. You were sure the male students were not hit like you all were, it was unfair.

You ran straight to the March household looking for Amy, only for her family to be just as shocked to know she left school. “I am sorry, Marmee. I should have left with her. I should have never let him hurt her,” you sobbed on her shoulder.

She hugged you close. You were her bonus daughter. She knew your home life was less than ideal and while she didn’t know all the details, just that your father and brother had died years ago and your mother didn’t know how to cope with the loss, she knew you needed love.

 The abuse wasn’t something she could fathom. She just thought your mother was suffering and you fell to the side in her suffering.  It didn’t matter to her, she saw you as a March, and loved and adored you as one of her own.

 “It is alright, my darling. It is not your fault. He was wrong for hurting her and Amy should have come straight home,” she said, kissing your forehead.

Just then, Meg came into the room. “I found Amy, she is next door.”

The moment you saw Amy on the sofa you ran to her side hugging her tightly, sobbing into her shoulder. She sobbed as well as the whole family hugged her tightly. Both of you crying too much for anyone to understand your words.

A throat clearing and a slight cough had you pulling away from Amy and seeing a boy a few years older than you and Amy. His eye caught yours and he smiled kindly, you sniffled wiping your face.

“Hello,” you said politely.

“Hello,” he said back, walking forward and giving you a tissue.

You thanked him and took the tissue. Amy giggled from your side pulling your attention to her. 

“That is Laurie Laurance,” she whispered into your ear. “This is his home. He is new in town,” she said, never taking her eyes off of him. “Isn’t he beautiful?” She asked.

You looked back at him. He was beautiful. Astonishingly beautiful, his eyes soft and kind. He stood tall, but not overly confident, he had a look in his eye that you liked. But you didn’t like the way Amy looked at him. “He is okay,” you stated.

“He was so kind to me, and look at his curls,” she gushed.

You ignored her commented and grabbed her hand, kissing it softly. “I am sorry about your hand.”

Amy smiled, touching your cheek. “You are my best friend, I love you, but you shouldn’t have tried to take my punishment.”

“Maybe if your punishment was worthy of the crime, hitting us like that  is barbaric.”

“That is why Jo should teach us both at home, right, Jo?” Amy said turning to face her.

“No no. You two are too young, too rowdy, and never listen,” Jo said, shaking her head.

“Oh please oh please. We are mature enough, please,” Amy begged.

“Please Jo we can’t go back to the horrible man. I’m sure my mother will pay you a lot.” Your father was a wealthy man and when he died it all went to your mother. While she didn’t care about you much, she never had much of a problem with spending money on you. Her way of trying to make up for the neglect.

“I will think about it,” Jo sighed.                             

With your mother offering Jo a number she couldn’t refuse, she began teaching you and Amy at home. It was heaven being taught at home and being able to be with Amy without having to fight for her attention from your former classmates.

The only time you didn’t have her attention is when it was on Laurie. You hated him for it. His stupid smile and his stupid eyes. He was so kind and sweet all the time and you hated it. 

As you grew up you realized that your feelings for Amy changed. They weren’t the sisterly/ best friend feelings you had once, no they had grown deeper. Feelings you shouldn’t have for another woman and it frightened you.

“Amy,” you asked when you were 15. You both were sitting by the lake. Her head was in your lap and your fingers ran through her hair, she looked up from her sketchbook at you when you spoke. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“Kissed anyone? Like a boy?”

“Yes. A boy or maybe a girl…”

“A girl?” She asked sitting up, staring at you with wide eyes.

“I don’t know, just. You hear about things right? Like women in Europe that never marry and spend all their time together. People say they are in love.”

“Women in love with other women?” She questioned her face pinched up in confusion.

“And men in love with other men,” you added, worriedly.

“Well, I suppose love is love. You can’t help who you love,” she shrugged. “I’ve never kissed a boy or a girl. Have you?”

You shook your head. “No never.”

“Really? But your mother takes you to all those fancy parties with all the rich and handsome boys and girls.”

“I guess I don’t like any of them.”

“Have you seen Laurie at the parties?” She asked.

You furrowed your brows. “Sometimes, but I have never kissed him.”

She looked off in a daze for a moment before turning back to you. “Shall we kiss?” She asked.

Your eyes widened and your heart sped up. “What?”

“Well, I love you and you love me. Marmee always said your first kiss should be with someone you love. That way we will have practice for later on,”

“Later on?” You asked.

“Yeah, later on.” She grinned moving closer to you. She cuffed the side of your face tenderly. You’ve never been touched so softly before your breath caught. “Can I kiss you now?”

You nodded, closing your eyes as your lips slightly brushed against each other.

“Amy is that you?” Jo shouted from down the lake.

You and Amy jumped pulling away from each other. Your face grew hot and Amy flushed bright red. Jo quickly ran over with Laurie in tow.

“I’ve been looking all over for you. Have you finished your schoolwork? And you didn’t clean the attic like you were meant to,” Jo scowled.

You sighed in relief as it seemed she didn’t see you two kissing.

“Jo, I will get to it later,” Amy whined. Jo was having none of it and grabbed her arm and started to drag her away chastising her the whole way. Amy tried to pull away, looking back at you, but Jo kept walking.

You stared wistfully after her.

“What are you thinking?” Laurie asked. You jumped having forgotten all about him, you flushed looking up at him, seeing him already staring at you.

“Theo,” you said. As your feelings for Amy grew and her admiration for Laurie grew, you started to call him Theo to annoy her which turned into you calling him that to his face sometimes.

“Why do you call me that?” He asked, laughing slightly as he took a seat next to you.

“Do you not like it?”

“Hmm, I’m unsure. My mother used to call me that.”

You gasped slightly feelings horrible. “Oh, Laurie, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I-I”

He laughed, placing his hand on yours. “It’s okay. I guess I missed being called that. Most people call me Laurie. Jo calls me Teddy, but I miss being Theo.”

“Then I will call you Theo,” you smiled.

Laurie’s smile back was heart stopping and for a moment you felt your own heart skip a beat. 

“What were you and Amy doing?” He asked.

Your heart skipped again. “What did you see?” You asked.

“Nothing if that is what you wish.”

“Did Jo see?” You asked fearfully.

“No, she was too upset.”

“Thank you, Theo.”

“Of course, that is what friends are for.”

You felt bad for your disliking of Laurie and after that, you two became a bit closer.  He saved you from your mother's overbearingness at parties and you two made jokes together and almost had your own language, which was just a mix of French and Italian. 

“Do you think about going to Italy for your studies?” You asked him once.

Laurie was walking you home after you both spend the day putting on plays with the March girls. You were arm and arm and the night was cool and you both walked close together to stay warm.

“I don’t want to leave here. It’s home for me. You, my grandfather, the Marchs’, it’s home.”

“But Italy was home once. You lived there with your parents.”

“I think it would be too emotional to go back home for school. To be surrounded by the memories but alone, would be too much for me,” he said, shrugging, looking at the ground

You stopped walking tugging on his arm until he looked at you. “ Theo… I will make a promise to you. If you ever want to go back, I will go with you. We will walk down the street, eat all the food and be happy. 

You can show me all the places you remember and then we can go there and make happy memories and then if you need to let out your emotions, my shoulders are here for you,” you smiled, patting his cheek.

Laurie was silent for a moment before a smile took over his face and he pulled you into a hug. He buried his head into your shoulder, he sniffled slightly. You let him hug you for as long as he needed, patting his back lightly.

When he pulled away he was smiling. “I am glad we have grown closer. I adore Jo and all the girls, but I feel like there are things I can talk to you about that I can’t with them.”

You nodded in understanding. “I feel the same. Amy is my best friend, but you Theo are someone I can be myself with.”

“I know you have lost your father and brother. And I want you to know you can talk to me about them, you can talk to me about anything.”

“And you can do the same.”

He told you about his feelings for Jo, but never pushed to hear more about yours for Amy but let you know if you wanted to talk about your feelings that he was there. He made you laugh and made you feel safe. Along with Amy, he was your person too.

The three of you were a little unit. A combined subunit of You and Amy and Laurie and Jo. It wasn’t often that the three of you were together but it was always a good time when you were

“So tell me, Theo, what is it you want to do with your life?” You were at the Marchs’ and after a slight incident, you were huddled by the fire wrapped in a thick blanket with Laurie and Amy, you all shivering.

“What do I want to do with my life? Why must I do anything? I have money already,” he said with a wide grin. Amy giggled behind her hands and he shot her a quick wink.

“He does have a point,” she said, from your other side.

“There must be something you are passionate about though?” You asked.

He twisted his mouth towards the left and thought about your question. “Music, I suppose,” he said with a shrug. “I like constructing it, operas, symphonies, anything really.  I like telling stories through music.” Laurie glanced over at you both once he was finished and ducked his head slightly.

“Wow that’s amazing Laurie,” Amy said. “You should do it.”

“I agree that’s an incredible talent,” you added.

“How would you know, you haven’t heard any of my works.”

“I just know,” you grinned.

He blushed and looked away from you.

Amy cleared her throat and hugged her mug of cocoa. “Well, I for one want to hear with you wrote. Oh please let us hear some,”

“Yeah, Theo, please,” You begged along with Amy.

“Alright. Alright, I promise when I write something good I’ll show you both. Now what about you, what do you want to do?”

“Oh, I am unsure,” you said looking down at your hands. “I don’t think I have any talents.”

“Oh, she is being modest, she is multitalented. She is a wonderful singer, and she is so good with words and languages, and she is the best model, she poses for all my sketches.”

It was your turn to be flustered and you looked into your cup. “I like learning most, reading and I don’t know.. I like  words a lot, but I’m not sure that is a talent.”

“Are you joking? That is an amazing talent, “Laurie said, wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“Well if you are talking talent then we can’t leave out Amy, her drawings are so detailed and done with so much care and patience. One day we will see her work in museums all over the world.”

Amy buried her face into your shoulder. “I am not that good. Laurie, she is exaggerating.”

“I am not. She is amazing.”

“I could be better,” she mumbled.

Laurie smiled at the two of you. He reached around and pat her head. “You have so much time to perfect your craft, Amy. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“I won’t. With both your encouragement, I’ll work harder,” she said determined.

“Okay, I have cookies, who wants some,” Hannah said coming into the room.

“We do,” you all shouted at the same time, laughing.

For a while, life was nice, simple, and perfect.

“You should marry soon.” Your mother said, years later, walking into the room and interrupting your reading. You sighed softly, closing your book.

“Mother, I am only 17,” you said.

“At your age, I was married and on my second child,” She huffed.

“I will marry when I meet a nice man,” you said.

“There are plenty of nice men. How about Simon Baker?”

“He is 35,”

“And rich and without a wife.”

You huffed.

“Is this about that March girl?” she questioned walking closer to you, putting you on high alert.

“Amy is my friend.”

“Don’t lie to me. I see the way you look at her. It’s disgusting.”

“Amy is my friend,” you repeated.

“And what about that Laurence boy?”

“Also a friend.”

“At least that one would make a good partner.”

“He is a friend.”

“Maybe if he was a friend in the same way as the March I wouldn’t have to marry you off.”

“You can’t marry me off,” you said, gasping at her.

“I can do as I please.”

You didn’t want to argue it never ended well, so you turned back to your book huffing.

“Don’t huff at me. You will marry someone and do it soon. I am sick of you in this house,” she said, grabbing the back of your head and pulling your hair roughly a few times, pulling a few bits out.

You cried out and she shoved you to the ground. “Disappointment, why couldn’t you be like your brother.”

“He is dead mother. I can’t bring him back and you can’t keep punishing me. I didn’t kill him or father.”

“Shut up, you insolent girl,” she said, slapping you.

You stood up and ran out of the house. You ran all the way to the March house, but no one was home. You sobbed, needing to see Amy. To have her wrap her arms around you and tell you everything will be okay.

You left the March house a mess. Having no place to go you ran to the lake. You were so distraught you didn’t even notice Laurie or that you were close to falling into the water. Luckily, Laurie wrapped his arms around your waist to stop you.

“What’s wrong, what happened? You’re bleeding,” he said, touching your head, making you sob harder, and wrapping your arms around his waist.

Laurie held you close, whispering softly to calm you down as he led you to his home. He sat you down and grab a cloth to clean you up. “What happened to you?”

“My mother. She hates me. She hates me because I am not dead, she hates me because I am not my brother, she hates me because I have feelings for Amy. Everything about me she hates,” you sobbed

“I am sure she doesn’t hate you.”

“She does. And maybe she is right, I am odd. Unnatural,” you sobbed.

“No. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly fine. She is wrong, lost in grief, and takes it out on you. You are not unnatural. Nothing about love is unnatural.” Laurie wiped your tears, smiling softly at you. “If you are unnatural. Then, I am as well.”

“She wishes to marry me off to some horrible man. He’s 35 years old and lives in Europe. I’ll never see any of you ever again.”

“She won’t.”

“She will. She will.”

“Do you dislike men? Maybe you can marry someone else. Someone kind? Or at least court someone to get her off your back.”

“I’ve… I don’t know. I’ve never thought about men or other women, it’s always been Amy,” you sniffled.

“Well then maybe you like men as well. Maybe you could fool her for a bit.”

“What if I can’t what if I don’t like them? What if I can’t pretend or kiss them or-” You were cut off by Laurie’s lips pressing against yours.

Your eyes widened slightly, but his lips were soft, warm, and just Laurie's. Your eyes closed and you leaned into his kiss. He cupped your face and you placed your hands over his.

He pulled away after a few moments and your eyes opened to stare into his. “How was that?” He whispered.

“It was nice. Really nice,” You smiled. “Have you done this before, Theo?”

He shook his head. “I am glad to see you are not crying anymore. You are my friend and I hate to see you down. I won’t let your mother marry you off,” he assured you.

“Laurie have you seen- “Amy paused as she came into the room with her sisters and saw you and Laurie. His hands are still on your face and yours on top of his.

You quickly pulled away from him and his hands dropped quickly as he looked at Jo, but your eyes never left Amy. Her face pinched slightly but then she was running to you, and cupping your face.

You were confused until you remember the way you looked. Face puffy and probably dried blood in your hair. 

“What happened, sweet girl?” She asked.

You just moved closer to her wrapping your arms around her neck. You felt Laurie get up from the sofa and you pulled back from Amy slightly to grasp his wrist. “Theo, thank you,” you whispered in Italian.

He nodded and walked out of the room with the rest of the Marchs’.

“Sweet girl?” Amy questioned.

You turned back to her telling her about your fight with your mother, going to her home and Laurie finding you. Leaving out the part about your feelings and kiss.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t home. I’m sorry that she hurt you. You know she is wrong, you don’t need to be your brother. You are beautiful, smart, and so talented. You know one day we should move away. Go to Paris I can paint and you can study all the languages and read all the books you want.

“We would run away together?” You questioned.

“Yes just the two of us. Won’t that be fun?” she said, wiping your tears and kissing your forehead. 

“I would like that very much.” 

Amy smiled, pressing her lips to yours quickly. Since your first kiss, you two shared kisses on multiple occasions. Amy moved to the sofa and pulled you into her arms, holding you close. “I would like that as well.”

It was only days later, when things took a turn in your life.

“You and Laurie are really close these days,” Amy said on one of your walks days later.

“He is closer to Jo,” you said. “And I’m closer to you,” you added, bumping her shoulder.

She didn’t smile.  “Yet closer than I am with him.”

“Are you jealous?” You said, trying to hide your smile. You were 17 now.  Despite all the kisses you two shared over the last few years, you were always uncertain about her feelings for you, but if she was jealous then maybe she felt the same.

“Maybe, I don’t like it.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t lose me.”

She groaned, “I know that, but still.”

You chuckled. “You are my best friend. Theo is just a friend.”

“You call him Theo.”

“You are my best friend,” and then you grabbed her shoulders, stopping her from walking, and kissed her pouting lips.

Amy pulled away. “Stop it, don’t kiss me when I am upset with you.”

You frowned. “Why are you upset? You won’t lose me,”

“Yes, but I could lose him. I first had to compete with Jo and now you for his affection.”

“You… like Laurie?”

She threw her hands up. “Of course I like Laurie.

“Laurie? Laurie? You like Laurie?” 

“Yes yes. Has it not been obvious?”

Of course, it has been. Of course, you never thought about it, you had a suspension once, but you thought it was something small and passing.  You thought that… you thought she felt something for you. You were stupid.

“Why did you kiss me all the time if you like Laurie?”

“For practice. We were practicing,” she said as if it was obvious.

Practiced. You thought about her words when you were young to practice for later. You wanted to be upset with her. You wanted to yell at her, but it wasn’t her fault she didn’t love you. That she didn’t know that the kisses meant more to you. 

Your eyes filled with tears. “Laurie doesn’t love you, Amy,” you said hurtfully.

She scoffed, “And he doesn’t love you either.”

“I know that. I know he is in love with Jo,”

“He is not. Stop trying to say things to hurt me.”

“I am not. I am telling the truth.”

“How could you be so cruel to hurt me because I like him? Are you jealous?”

You were now in a state of panic. You couldn’t tell her about your feelings now. “If I wanted to hurt you, I would have told you that I kissed Theo.”

She gasped. “What? You kissed him?”

“He kissed me actually.” You were being cruel now, and you hated yourself for it.

Her eyes filled with tears as well.  “I thought you were my best friend,”

You scoffed. “I’ve been more than your best friend for years.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing Amy, nothing at all.”

She frowned. “No, tell me.”

“No.”

“If you are my best friend then tell me.”

“Don’t use that, Amy March.”

“I just did. We tell each other everything.”

“You didn’t tell me about your feelings for Laurie.”

“And you didn’t tell me about your kiss with him.”

“I suppose we are not as close as we thought then. Good night, Amy.”

You turned and walked toward your home. You so badly wanted Amy to run after you, shout after you or something, but nothing happened and you slowly let the tears fall as you walked away with a broken heart and a destroyed friendship. You ran home and sobbed in your room for hours. 

For the next few weeks, you avoided going out into town you didn’t want to see Amy or any of your friends.  It was awful being alone and with your mother, it was worse. She spent every moment telling you how worthless you were or trying to push Simon onto you. You spent time with him just to get her off your back and to not be alone.

The first time you left the house you ran into Amy with a group of girls you once went to school with. They were laughing about something and having a good time. You made eye contact with Amy and she quickly turned away as if she didn’t see you.

Your heart ached and you ran all the way home. Making a rash decision, you told your mother you would marry Simon and move to Europe with him. She was overjoyed and within two weeks you were married and on a plane to England.

You sat under a tree in a busy park in France. It was a warmer day, but there was a nice breeze. The perfect day to enjoy a good book. You took a deep breath and enjoyed the French air.  Children ran around causing a smile to grow on your face. You were happy and content.

You were 23 and a widow. Your late husband was not the cruel man you thought him to be. He was kind and gentle and understood that your feels laid elsewhere as his own did. A friend from his youth, a male friend he loved and lost in war. 

He declared he would never love again after loving so deeply. But pressure from his family had him scrambling to find a wife to keep his secret, but he hated the idea of someone loving him when he was unable to do it back.

And then you two got married and while you never told him in so many words about your feelings for Amy. He knew that you were also heartbroken and in need of protection and a friend.

So you married as friends and he became your best friend when you moved to Europe with him. You two had a happy life, one that was just as happy as people actually in love, because you both cared about each other and enjoyed each other company, when he died you were broken. You were happy with him as your companion and without him, you were alone again.

Well, you weren’t always alone. Laurie was someone that you didn’t think you would have run into in London one day but you did. He was studying in London after traveling around with his grandfather and you two find comfort in each other for a while.

“Laurie? What are you doing here?” You asked when you bumped into him with Simon. It was one of his good days and he wanted fresh air and you two decided on a stroll together. “Simon this is a dear friend of mine from when I was a girl, Theodore Laurence.”

“You are still a girl, darling,” Simon teased, patting your hand before turning to Laurie. “I believe we met during my brief time in the States, it is nice to see you again.”

Laurie looked between the two of you as if in a daze. But then something snapped him out of it and he shook Simon’s outstretched hand. “Oh yes we have met before, nice to see you as well.” And then he turned to you. “I am here for university. My grandfather sent me here.”

“Really? Why did something happen?” you asked concerned. When you moved you cut ties with everyone, not hearing from anyone for the last few years.

Laurie looked down sadly at your words. You reached out to him, moving to untangle yourself from Simon when he began coughing. He bent over as he had a fit and you quickly grabbed his upper arm. 

Laurie jumped into action, grabbing his other side. “Is he alright?” He asked you.

“Yes, um can you help me get him home, it isn’t far from here,” you said, feeling Simon’s forehead and seeing he was burning up.

With a nod, you and both walked quickly towards your London home. Once inside you helped Simon into his bed, tucking him in. And getting a wet cloth to put on his forehead. You sat by his bed worriedly as he wheezed.

“I’ll wait outside,” Laurie said.

You nodded not taking your eyes off of your husband. You brushed his hair out of his face and patted his face with the cloth. “Simon you should not try to overdo it for my benefit.” You said.

“You are young. You should not have to take care of a dying husband. You should be going to shows, walking around London and exploring. You deserve it, my darling.”

“You are my husband. My best friend, I want to be here by your side,” you rebutted.

“I will feel bad if you spent your youth inside with me.”

You sighed, kissing his forehead. “Simon. I like being indoors. Reading, learning, and taking care of our home and you. I could not ask for more,” you assured him.

“That can’t be true. What about love?”

“I’ve loved and that time for my life is over.”

“You are too young to be cynical.”

“You were cynical too at my age,” you teased.

“Yes, and I was miserable until I met you. I don’t want that for you. You should have someone. Would you like a child?” He offered.

You kissed his forehead. “Simon, my best friend. I could not raise a child without you. I-I fear when you go and I don’t think having a babe to take care of will be helpful.”

“I hate that I will leave you alone.”

“You saved me from the loneliness I will be okay.”

He sighed deeply sending himself into another coughing fit. “You deserve more. You should have passion, desire, and love. What about Laurie?”

“What, Laurie?”

“Yes, he was a friend from before. He is young, unmarried, and beautiful. You could be with him… to cure the loneliness.”

“You are my husband, Simon. How could you suggest… that,” you said flushing. You and Simon had tried to consummate your marriage, but you both were too uncomfortable and decided against it.

“I am your husband in name only. I am your friend that wants good things for you. Just, don’t rule it out. Use the house and enjoy being a woman with power.” He didn’t say while it lasted but you both understood the words in the air.

“I will think about it. Now please get some rest. I’ll bring you something to eat later on,” you wiped his forehead one last time before getting up to leave.

Laurie stood against the wall across from the room. He looked up when you exit, standing up straight. “Is he alright?”

You nodded, your eyes downcast.

“What is the matter with him?” He asked gently.

You chuckled softly, but it broke into a sob. “The doctors have no idea, just that he is getting weaker each day and pretty soon he’ll be gone,” you said, covering your mouth to hold down your emotions.

You truly didn’t know what to do without Simon. The house would feel too empty, and you couldn’t return to America, you didn’t want to but you didn’t want to be alone. Laurie’s arms engulfed you and held you tightly.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” he said against the shell of your ear. “I’m here,” He repeated over and over until you calm down.

You pulled away to look up at Laurie. He smiled softly at you, wiping your tears. “Theo, what happened? Why are you here?” You asked.

“I asked Jo to marry me and she rejected me,” he said, voice full of pain and sorrow.”

“Oh Theo, I am so sorry,” you said, grabbing his hand and kissing the back of it. You lead him away from Simon’s room into your own chambers and into your sitting area. “Maybe she needs time?” You suggested.

Laurie shook his head. “No, she doesn’t love me. And She never will. She didn’t see me as a potential partner, just Teddy her best friend,” He said bitterly.

You took his hand again, squeezing it sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Theo. You deserve better. It is Jo’s loss.”

He shrugged and quickly changed the subject. “Why do you have your own chambers? You two seem… so in love?”

“Simon is my best friend but there is no romantic love between us. Plus we enjoy our own space.” You said.

“Are you happy?” He asked.

“I am. I just am afraid of the happiness leaving when he dies,” you expressed.

“You won’t be alone. I’ll be here too. Like you once said to me, a shoulder to cry on. A friend to have around. I think we both could use one.”

You stared at Laurie for a while, thinking about your talk with Simon, your kiss when you were kids, and about how much you ached for passion in your life. 

“Theo, we have been burned by love. We are both grieving losses, I think we should grieve together,” you suggested, looking at him from under your lashes.

Laurie swallowed thickly, his eyes dropped to your lips. “Sharing the burden of grieve would be beneficial, healthy even,” He said, moving closer to you.

“Yes my thought exactly,” you said, your breath mixed and your heart rate spiked.

His nose bumped against yours and you both giggled softly. “I’ve never done this before,” he whispered.

“Neither have I. we can just learn together,” you said and then your lips were brushing each other. 

You are unsure which one of you deepened the kiss, but Laurie’s tongue was in your mouth and your eyes were fluttering shut.  Laurie’s hands tentatively took your waist and he pulled back softly. “Is this okay?” He asked.

“Yes, it’s okay. You can um, take off my clothes if you want.”

Laurie’s eyes widened at your suggestion but he quickly got to his feet, almost tripping over the sofa. His cheeks blazed as he giggled helping you stand as well. “Sorry, I am awfully nervous,” he confessed.

“I am too, but I trust you, Laurie,” you whispered. 

“I trust you as well,” He replied.

You both smiled at each other for a moment, before Laurie cupped your cheek and placed another kiss on your lips. He took a deep breath when he pulled away and untied your shawl.

“Umm, what should I do with this?” He asked looking around.

“Toss it on the sofa, I don’t care.”

Nodding he tossed it quickly away, moving to unbutton your front-facing corset. Each button, he was painstakingly slow and you were just about to scream when he tossed it aside as well.  Laces, knots, bows, and fabric were taken off your body until you stood in front of him in just your slip.

Laurie grabbed the bottom, but you stopped him. “Wait,” you said, your heart racing. Laurie froze, staring at you with big doe eyes.

“Have I done something wrong?”

“No, Theo, just. I want to see you. It’s odd being the only one naked.”

“Of course of course,” he said, quickly removing his layers of coat, vest, and undershirt. 

You couldn’t help but chuckle at how quickly he removed his own clothes. Laurie narrowed his eyes playfully at you. “Something amusing?”

“Yes. You Mr. Laurence.”

“Well I aim to entertain,” he bowed before moving to remove his pants, quickly causing your laughter to die down and your mouth to dry up.

Once undressed completely, Laurie grabbed your hips with purpose, rubbing his thumbs into your hip bones. You shivered and quickly grabbed his hand and led him to your bedroom.

“Lay down,” he said, before climbing on top of you. His hands moved to the bottom of your slip and with a little nod from you he pulled it over your head. You laid bare before him and your hands moved to cover your breast, but he was already leaning down and pressing burning kisses to them. 

“You are beautiful, you don’t have to hide from me. It’s Theo. Your Theo, your friend, relax,” he said, though his own voice shook. The words were probably meant for both of your benefits.

His lips traced the curve of your right breast before, his tongue circled your nipple. He watched you closely, gauging your reactions to see what you liked and didn’t like. Your eyes closed and you sucked in a sharp breath.

A pulse between your legs had you trying to close them, but Laurie was already between and your legs just squeezed his sides. He groaned switching to your own breast giving it the same treatment.

“I heard that it hurts for women the first time, I don’t wish to hurt you,�� He said, pushing two fingers into his mouth soaking them before letting them drag down your body before reaching your most private parts.

“I know, it’s okay.”

“Tell me if something hurts too much.”

You nodded and then his two fingers were inside of you. You gasped which caused you to tighten around his fingers. The pressure was weird, but nothing was overly painful. “Go on,” you mumbled.

Laurie’s fingers moved slowly at first, just barely kissing your tight walls, but the more he worked them inside of you the wetter you became. The room was loud with the little gasp and moan you released and the wet sounds of his fingers inside of you.

You relaxed more, opening your legs wider as the awkward feeling gave way to pleasure. Your moans grew louder and you humped against his hand. Laurie pulled his fingers away and you whined.

“Eager?” He teased, wrapping one of your legs around his waist. The other, he slid the wet fingers from your inner thigh to your calf. You shivered again. 

“Don’t tease me The- Heavens,” you closed your eyes as he pushed into you. You whimpered feeling tears in your eyes.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Are you all the way in?” 

Laurie frowned shaking his head. You were sweating and he pushed away the hair sticking to your forehead. “Just a bit more,”

“Is it normal to be so big?” You questioned.

He bit his lip to hide his smile, but his shoulder pulled back and you knew you just stroked his ego. 

“Just push it all in and then give me a moment.”

“Are you sure?” He questioned.

“Yes.”

You closed your eyes waiting for the pain but instead, Laurie didn’t move and his lips were on yours again. Your eyes opened in confusion but you kissed him back eagerly. His soft lips mold into yours and you started to feel pleasure again. 

With your distracted, Laurie slowly pushed inch by inch inside of you until he had bottomed out. You whined into his mouth, but Laurie stroked over your sides again and kissed all over your face.

“Let me know when it’s okay to move,” his voice was tight and strained, it was taking everything in him to be still and not hurt you.

You felt so incredibly full and you were completely surrounded by Laurie, his smell, and just him. Your heart hammered against your ribcage and you looked up at him, your eyes met and you smiled nodding.

And then he pulled back slowly and thrust back in quickly. Laurie moaned, your name falling from his lips. You moaned, arching against him.

“Theo, more.”

Your affair with Laurie lasted longer than you thought it would. It went from two friends grieving over lost loves to something more. Something that felt close to love and you couldn’t love Laurie.

No, you loved a friend before and it ruined your friendship. Plus Laurie loved Jo, she was who he thought of when you two were together. And even though it’s been years, your love for Amy still burned bright. And most importantly you were married.

Even if Simon had encouraged an affair, he was still very much alive, and sleeping with someone else was one thing, but falling in love was a different thing. It felt like a betrayal and you couldn’t handle it; So you had to break things off before you were too deep in.

“Theo,” you started one night as he held you close in his arms in your bed. Your head rested on his chest and his heartbeat was almost enough to put you to sleep, but you held on. “Have you answered any of Jo’s letters?”

He tensed at her name but only for a moment before relaxing and placing a kiss on the crown of your head. “No. I haven’t even read any.”

“Do you plan to?” You asked, looking up at him.

He sighed, moving until your faces were close together, his nose bumping against yours with every breath. “Why do you ask?  Are you thinking about writing to Amy?”

“No. Amy does not want to hear from me.”

“I don’t believe that. You are her best friend. She was heartbroken when you left,” he said, rubbing his nose into your cheek, kissing your neck. “What did you two fight about anyways?”

He had asked you plenty of times but you never answered. You couldn’t tell him about her feelings, a fear you refused to acknowledge that maybe they were perfect for each other and he would seek her out and you’ll lose both of them.

 “Girl things,” you replied.

He groaned, biting your jaw. “Why won’t you tell me? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do,” you breathed.

“Tell me, my love.”

You froze at the pet name and Laurie noticed. He quickly pulled back to stare at your face. Neither of you spoke as you stared. You two had been sleeping together for months. Currently naked and pressed up against each other, but the pet name was so softly spoken, so intimate. The intimacy slowly worked its way up your throat, choking you.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why that slipped out. I-I. I’m sorry,” he said, moving to kiss you, but you moved away, sitting up.

“I think we should stop this,” you said.

Laurie sat up as well. “Stop this? Stop what?”

“This Theo. Us sleeping together. It is not doing either of us any good. Using each other to get over the March sisters, it’s wrong. And unhealthy.”

“How is it wrong, we are both adults, consenting and we are friends helping each other out.”

“I am married, Laurie.”

“You were married when we started. You were fine with it then, what has changed?” He asked, reaching for you, but you got out of bed and pulled on your nightgown.

“I just can’t anymore it isn’t helping anyone. You love Jo and I love Amy.”

“I don’t love Jo,” he stated.

You turned to him blinking. “Since when?”

“I don’t think I have ever loved Jo. Or maybe never in love with her.”

You scoffed. “You loved her only months ago. You have already tossed that love aside.” This is why you didn’t want to love him. He was always fickle.

“Jo was someone I was close to. Someone that I latched into when I had no one. I wanted love and the idea of loving Jo was perfect. So I told myself I loved her and now I know it was not true romantic love I had for her.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. You had to look away from him. “You come too often, people might talk and I can’t do that to Simon.”

“I’ll come less. Or come in through the back.”

“No, Theo. We are spending too much time together. You should be focusing on school and your music. You said you were struggling with operas. You should work on that.”

“Why are you pushing me away? Have I done something?” His ask was pitiful and depressing and you hated yourself a little bit for it.

“We have been in a web in my room and it is time to move on. You must prepare for graduation and life and I need to take care of my husband. Not abandon him for an affair with some man.”

“Some man? Is that all I am to you?”

You turned to face him then. “I meant no offense, Laurie. I just think our fun should end before things get too deep and we ruin things between us.”

Laurie was silent for a bit. He stared at you long and hard. You grew uncomfortable, wrapping your arms around your chest and looking away from him.  He sighed heavily. “Very well. Take care,” he dressed quickly with you watching him.

He laced his boots and stood in front of you. “I mean it, take care of yourself.”

You nodded, too overtaken by emotions to speak.

He stood another minute in front of you before exiting your room.

Your vision blurred just thinking about that day. Laurie never replied to any of your letters, never return to your house, and the gift you sent for his graduation, he returned it. You blinked away the tears, clearing your throat. 

Simon died only a few weeks later and you were too busy to think about Laurie and all your confusing feelings. It was one thing to love Amy, another to love Laurie, but to love both?

You thought of your mother’s harsh words and maybe she was right, there was something wrong with you. Something broken that you loved so easily and at the same time.

Being home made you think about it too much and while you were still free from your mother, in Europe, you couldn’t stay home and be sad and wallow.  Simon would not want that and you didn’t want it. So you traveled and that brought you to Paris.

The people were vibrant and friendly and the food was to die for.  You felt like a child again with all the wonder you had.  You loved it and you wanted to stay the whole season. 

Humming a song you missed the first time someone said your name, but as they grew closer and louder you looked up to see Aunt March, Amy, and Laurie. Your eyes connected with Laurie’s first but he quickly looked away and Amy smiled softly but refused to hold your eyes either.

With just left Aunt March. She narrowed her eyes at you. “What’s the matter, girl? Move to Europe and forgot your manners?” Aunt March questioned.

Flushing, you stood up and smiled as warmly as possible at them. “Hello there. Forgive me, Aunt March. It is lovely to see you.” You turned to Amy and Laurie. “Hello.”

Laurie moved first pulling you into an awkward half-hug. His breath was strong with alcohol and you coughed slightly. “It is nice to see you again, Theo,” you said. The words sound painful to your own ears.

“Is it?” He questioned. “ If you all would excuse me, I have somewhere to be,” And then Laurie walked off.

You stared after him in shock. You knew you two had left things awkward and tense, but you didn’t expect the coldness from him. Laurie was never harsh, with anyone, especially not you.

 A hand on your elbow had you turning to face Amy. Your breath caught slightly as you took her in. It’s been years since you last saw her and she was more breathtaking than ever. 

“You will have to ignore Laurie, he is going through a phase of being an overgrown child,” she said, but she smiled softly at you.  “Hello, stranger,” she said.

“Hello, Amy,” you said, a bit breathlessly. You felt foolish you had grown, married, and fallen for someone else, yet Amy still made you feel warm inside.

You two stared at each other for a moment before Aunt March groaned. “Speak you two,” She said, shaking her head and walking away mumbling about how annoying children were these days.

You both laughed as you watched her walk away. “She never changed, does she?” You said looking at Amy.

“No, I’m afraid she has only gotten meaner with age.”

You both laughed once more. Until you both slowly broke off and stared at one another until Amy spoke up.

“I’m sorry about our fight. And then ignoring you, but how could you just marry and leave?” She said, pouting.

You hugged her then, squeezing her tightly. “I’m sorry about our fight, I was so rude to you. And I’m sorry for leaving.”

“And not writing or inviting me to the wedding,” she added, hugging you back.

“Yes for not writing or inviting you to the wedding,” you chuckled, breathing in the scent you loved most.

“All is forgiven, sweet girl, but you can’t do that anymore. I’ve been miserable without you,” Amy said, taking your hand and squeezing it.

You squeezed her hand back. “I’ve been miserable without my best friend as well.”

“Now that we have made up, tell me about your husband. Has he been kind to you? Do you have children? Oh my gosh, you do don’t you? You have children and they don’t even know me,” she whined, but there was also something else in her voice you couldn’t decipher.

“Amy, take a breath,” you teased, grabbing your book as you two walked around the park. “My husband, Simon.. he was a very good man, but he sadly passed on.”

She gasped, turning to face you with a face painted in sorrow. “I am so sorry to hear that. You are still so young to lose a husband. He wasn’t that old.”

“It was a sickness that took him quickly. Healthy one day and coughing up blood the next. I was happy to try to make his last days the best for him. He grew to be my closest friend.”

“I am glad you were not in a bad marriage, but I am sorry about you having to lose him.” Amy pulled you into a side hug.

You hugged back. “And we didn’t have children. With Simon getting sick it was best that way. I could not imagine raising them alone.”

“I suppose that is the best solution. Did you love him?” She asked.

“Yes. In a way that made us both happy.”

She furrowed her eyes at your comment but didn’t press. “So tell me what brought you here?”

“I came for the art, the culture, the people,” you smiled. “Why did you come?”

“For you,” she said, glancing shyly over at you. “You learned French when you were younger and you always talked about coming here and when Aunt March asked me to tour Europe with her, I knew I had to come here. See all the things we talked about.”

Your heart squeezed at her words and you smiled softly at her words. You wished for nothing more than to kiss her but you were in public. Amy's eyes bore into your own and the same desire filled her eyes. But you reminded yourself of her words, that the kisses meant nothing. They were just practiced.

“I’ve missed you so much, Amy,” you said.

“I’ve missed you as well. With you gone, I felt a part of me was missing. I was an awful friend. Too vain sometimes for my own good. I won’t excuse my actions, but if you give me the chance, I want to make it up to you. Be a better friend.”

“I would very much like to be your friend again.”

“Good. Now there is a ball tonight. I would love for you to attend with me. It will be fun, with drinks, dancing, and music. It will be wonderful. Say you will come?”

“I will be there, Amy. I promise.”

The ball was…well it was a ball fit for the French elite and while you have been a part of the elites before you never felt completely comfortable around them. Your dress was bright and made you stand out too much and you wished to hide in a corner.

You felt like a child once again force at a party by your mother. You searched the crowd for Amy and sighed and relief when you saw her. Luckily, she saw you at the same moment and made her way over to you.

“Oh, you look beautiful. Well, you always look beautiful but this is your color,” she gushed, having your ears and face burn at the compliments.

“Thank you, Amy. You look radiant as well. The center of the party,” you said, then leaned closer. “Everyone has eyes on you.”

She blushed. “Well, that is Fred’s doing.”

“Fred?”

“Fred Vaugh. We met him at the beach once, an old friend of the Laurence’s. We are in a courtship,” she explained.

Your face fell slightly at her words, but what did you expect? For her to love you to wait for you when you left and married. “That’s wonderful, Amy,” you said.

Amy looked around the room for a moment before grabbing your hand and pulling you away from the party. You both walked into you were outside in a beautiful garden. “Everyone might have their eyes on me, but mine are on you,” she said.

“Fred is a nice man but I want to be with you tonight, check-up, talk to my sweet girl,” she pulled you to the ground into a space covered by bushes so no one would see you too.

“What about the ball? And your dress, it will be ruined.”

“First, Laurie drunkenly showing up ruined the ball for me and second, you are much more important and worth a ruined dress.”

“What is going on with Laurie?” In London, he was saddened by the rejection of Jo, but he wasn’t drinking and behaving as Amy mentioned.

“It has to be the heartbreak. He’s just a mess. We had seen a lot of each other in Paris and he was getting better, I thought at least, but then he went to London and his letters seemed as if he was better and happier. And then he came back like this. Drunk all the time, making stupid comments.” She mumbled the last part as she patted down her dress.

You smiled, knocking your shoulder against hers. “Tell me about your art, Amy. Tell me about the new Amy?” 

You and Amy spent the whole night pressed up together and catching up with each other. It was as if no time had passed between the two of you. While you had married and grown, Amy had matured into a woman with a kind heart, determination, and passion.

It was amazing to see how much she changed and you could listen to hear her talk all day along. She leaned against you laughing at a story you told about your wedding day with Simon.

“I cannot see you doing that?” She said between gasping breaths.

“I did. I did. I was not going to wear so awful dress all day and if they refused to let me change I would make them. So I set the dress on fire, while still wearing it.”

“Oh, you have lost your mind. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. That is something that would make Jo very happy.”

You laugh along with her. “How is Jo?” You asked.

Her laughter died down a bit and she shrugged. “She is the same Jo I suppose. She is upset with me for coming here, upset with Laurie for ignoring her, and the world for treating her horribly for being born a woman.”

“Laurie will come around. And we can’t fault her for the last. We know the drawback we have to face for being women.”

“We all know it, but complaining and making things worse is not the way to go about it. We must find ways to be ourselves. To enjoy life within the binds. Wiggle and loosen them slowly. Any other way does more harm than good.”

“Wise-words. You really have grown, Amy March.”

“I have. I know I seem proper and happy with my station in society but I know that it is a man’s world and nothing will ever be mine. My life is not my own and never will be, it’s frustrating but if I want to take care of my family, I must play the part.”

You grabbed her hand. “And if you didn’t- if you didn’t have to play a part what would you do? What is your dream?”

Amy looked at you. “I would like to be happy be with someone that I love who loves me. I want to paint be a true artist and make my own money. I want so much, I want that dream we had as children. I want-” You cut her off by kissing her.

You thought she would pull away, but instead, she placed her hand on the side of your face and kissed you back, deeply and full of emotions. You kissed until you needed to break away to breathe air in your lungs.

“I-I’m sorry, Amy. I don’t know what came over me,” you said, looking down. You fan your cheeks as they burned and you looked around making sure no one was looking.

Amy grabbed your hand, shaking her head. “No, please don’t apologize. I wanted to kiss you since the moment I saw you, maybe since the day we fought. I am sorry for the words I spoke. I.. kissing you was never practice. Or maybe it started as such, but it was a comfort.”

She paused moving so she sat in front of you. She took both of your hands and placed them in your lap. Your heart fought to leave your chest and your whole body felt as if it was being pricked.

“You were my best friend. You are my best friend and I like being with you. I love spending time with you, laughing, reading, and kissing you. I didn’t understand what it meant. What you were to me,” she looked down at her hands. “But then realized that I missed you like Marmee misses father.”

You bit your lips, holding your breath as you waited for her to finish talking, but instead, she bit her lip and began to cry softly. With furrowed brows, you moved closer hugging her to your chest. “What’s wrong, Amy? Don’t cry, please. You know it will make me cry too,” you said.

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it, it’s just. I love you and it is unfair that we can not be together. It is unfair that we can’t do anything about it. We are women and I have duties to uphold and I’ll never be happy.” She sobbed, her shoulders shaking and her breathing grew erratically.

“Amy, you must calm down. You know you get worked up so easily, you could pass out, calm, Amy. Calm, I’m here. I have you,” you patted the back of her head and held her close until she slowly stop crying.

“Are you alright now?” You asked pulling back to regard her face.

She frowned adorably nodding, wiping her eyes as embarrassment settled in. “Yes, I am sorry for losing it like that. And springing feels onto you. It was wrong of me.”

You smiled, cupping her face and brushing away the rest of your tears. “Don’t be sorry for having emotions or expressing them. I will never fault you for it,” you said, kissing her softly.

She kissed you back, breaking away after a few moments. “I should not have expressed my feelings because if you return them, there is nothing we can do about it, and if not, I could make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh Amy March, I have loved you my whole life,” you giggled, pecking her lips.

“Don’t say that. I will only make me sadder.”

“But we love each other, is that not good news.”

“If one of us is a man, but I must marry Fred,” she said miserably.

“But why? I have my own money we can live together, happily.”

“Because marrying  Fred is what is expected of me, and must do it for my family. I am sorry.”

You shook your head, squeezing her hand. “I am not upset with you. I understand doing what you have to do for your family.”

“Can we still spend time together like now, until I marry?” She asked.

“We can spend all the time you would like, Amy,” You assured her.

You went to your lodging that night with only thoughts of Amy and how you must be dreaming. She loved you. Amy loved you back. You knew the sneaking around was not ideal, and that you wanted more with her, but you would take whatever you could get.

But your mind thought about the women you read about as a child. The women who  lived together and were happy, but family meant something to Amy. Her family was her life and you didn’t have it in you to take her away from them.

Just as you were about to slip into unconsciousness another thought came to mind. Another person, Laurie. You didn’t see him the whole party, you were sure he was avoiding you which hurt. You were worried about your feelings for him and your feelings for Amy. You fell asleep with guilt heavy on your mind, for loving them both.

Over the next few weeks, you spend as much time with Amy as you could. You two were either in the park, her drawing and you reading, or walking around giggling close together. The only time you spent away from her was the time she spent with Laurie.

The guilt of loving them both only was overshadowed by the jealousy of knowing they were together without you. You wanted to be with Laurie, talking like you used to, or spend all the time with Laurie. You were growing sick of the headaches you were causing yourself, but it came to a head when you overheard Amy and Laurie together.

“Do you love him?” Laurie asked her softly.

“Love him? Do you mean Fred?” She asked.

“Is there another man in your life that you love?” He asked.

Amy’s eyes flickered to his at his words. She loved Laurie. She didn’t want to, she tried her whole life not to, but she did. She loved him as easily as she loved you.  “I don’t love Fred,” she concluded.

“Then don’t marry him.”

“Oh, Laurie why shouldn’t I marry him? He is kind and he has enough money to take care of me, my family, and my future family.”

“But you do not love him.”

“We already had this conversation, Laurie.”

“No. I mean he does not love you either. So you should marry me,” he said.

“Marry- marry you? Laurie, why would you say that wh-why?” Amy closed her notebook and stood up shaking her head.

“Please Amy, I’ll treat you better than him. I can take care of you and your family. I can make you happy.” 

“Laurie stop it. Just stop it. You are hurting and raw because of Jo, but that does not give you the right to be mean to me.”

“Mean? I am not being mean. I am serious, Amy. I want you to marry me. We can be happy together,” He moved closer, taking her arms. “We have spent so much time together in the last few months and I think I could make you happy. I want to try,”

“Try? No no. Laurie, how dare you? After I spent my whole life loving you. I’ve been second to Jo in everything and now I am to be second to her with you? No, I refuse. I won’t settle for second place.”

“So you rather marry someone you don’t love?”

“Yes, I rather be respected if I can’t be loved.”

“You can have both with me,” he shrugged. 

“I can’t. And I don’t want to see you anymore.” And then she was running out of the studio. She bumped into you with tears running down her face.

“Oh, d-d-did you hear?” She said, face flushed and hands twitching.

“I did. Amy, what’s wrong? Why did Laurie’s words upset you so much,” you said softly, already knowing the answer. She all but said she still loved him.

She wiped her eyes. “It is not what you think?” She said at once.

“It would be okay if it was,” you said.

She shook her head. “No. No, it won’t be. No. I don’t love Laurie, not after everything,” she said.

“Shush, my dove. Let me walk you home,” you said taking her arm. 

She nodded, looping her arm through yours.

The walk was quiet, with Amy sniffling every few moments. You were too in your own head to really think about making conversation. The idea of Amy and Laurie marrying was heavy on your mind. They would be a perfect couple and Amy deserve love, but not from Laurie, not if he was using her to get over Jo.

When it was with you, you didn’t fault him. You both agreed to enjoy each other, it was mutual and your falling for him was not his fault, but Amy, she did care about him, she loved him and deserved more than a husband that loved her sister.

After walking Amy home you sent a letter to where Laurie was staying demanding his presence.  You were steaming as you waited for him. Your leg bounced with anger as you sat trying to read your novel, but all you could think about what that selfish man.

The moment you heard a knock on the door you were out of your seat. You throw the door open and pulled Laurie into the room. You stood across from him with one hand on your hip glaring at him.

“You’ve invited me here to glare at me?” He asked confused.

“What are you doing with Amy?” You said at the same time.

Laurie’s eyes widened slightly and he moved deeper into the room. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Asking her to marry you? Are you trying to hurt her? Ruin her life?”

“What? No of course not. I was just trying to help her. I-I grew deep feelings for her,” he said. He looked towards the ground, only glancing up at you to see your reaction. While Laurie was not lying about his feelings for Amy, he loved you all the same.

It was spending time together in London that made him realize that he felt only friendship and familial love for Jo. The feelings he got for you were deeper and stronger than anything he ever thought was possible. He loved you with his soul. And he wanted to express his feeling to you, wanted to ask you to marry him when Simon died, but you broke things off and broke his heart first.

“So you have just grown feelings for Amy?” You questioned.

“Of course. I didn’t plan to but I have. I want to make her happy.”

“Fred can do that.”

“Fred can’t offer her happiness. And if I marry her you can still be in her life. You two can still care for each other.”

You blinked at him in shock. “You know about us?”

“I’ve always known. Have you forgotten? Amy might not have known when we were children about  her feelings for you, but I saw them.”

“But you didn’t see hers for you?” You scoffed.

“No, I just assumed she only had eyes for you.”

You scoffed again, but then again you never saw her feelings for you, only her eyes for Laurie. “So you’ve known about our feelings for each other and still tried to marry her.”

“I am not trying to take her away from you. What do you think I am trying to do.”

“I don’t know. I can’t see you falling in love with Amy when you have been a drunk mess in her words.”

“I’ve gotten better. I’ve spent time with her and I see her for the wonderful person she is. I want more for her and with her.”

“Ah, so it seems you are just working your way through us all Theodore. Shall I write to Brooke’s and warn him that his wife is in danger or sweet Beth.”  

“Don’t. You know it isn’t like that.”

“I obviously know nothing about who you are.”

“How could you say that? You know me, better than most.”

“No, I don’t. I know nothing about you and your fickle feelings.” 

“You know I didn’t love Jo. I thought I did I thought what I felt for her was love true deep love but it wasn’t. But you-“ he paused and moved closer to you but you took a step away from him.

He threw his hands up. “I love you. Whether you let me say it or not. I love you. Deeper than I loved anyone in my life entire life.”

You scoffed, “And Amy? Is she just a toy for you to use? Someone to run to when you can’t have who you want.” 

“I love her too. As I love you; with my whole being.” Laurie walked towards you this time and didn’t stop as you took steps back.  “I love you as you, Amy as Amy, and both of you with every fiber of my soul.”

“Always a poet, Mr. Laurence,” you scoffed. You didn’t want to hear this. 

“I love you both. Worship the grounds you walk on.” He grabbed your hand and placed it over his heart. “You know I am telling the truth.”

You looked away from him, feeling your heart quicken and your face heat. “And why is that?” You whispered.

He cupped your cheek making you turn back to face him. He smiled softly leaning closer until your nose bumped. “Because I know you feel the same for us as well. I know you love Amy It’s why you ran away to get married because you love her and…and it’s why you sent me away in London, because you love me.”

“Theo. So you’ve just decided that I love you,” you said softly.

“I wasn’t sure. I was hurt after you ended things, it wrecked me. Amy was not lying when she told you how bad I’ve been, but it wasn’t Jo that broke my heart, it was you. And I’ve avoided you since you arrived here. It was wrong and I felt awful as I started to fall for Amy, but the moment I walked into the room. I realized you are not just upset for Amy but because of her.”

You scoffed again, but you couldn’t deny his words when he was telling the truth to your face.

“You don’t believe I love Amy and you didn’t believe that I could love you, but I do.  love you. I love Amy. And I want us all to be happy and together, is that too much to asked?”

“It is asking the impossible and you know it. That is not the world we live in.”

“Screw the world we make our own rules we have the money to go anywhere and be who we wish to be. All you have to do is let yourself have what you want.”

“I can not.”

“Why? Why can’t you? You have never been one to be so afraid unless you don’t love me. Have I gotten that wrong?”

You said nothing.

“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave and never bring this up again. Tell me your heart does not beat for me and I’ll leave you alone,” Laurie begged, his hands reaching on either side of your face, staring deeply into your eyes.

You feel tears run down your face. “Of course, I love you, Laurie. Goodness, I love you so much. I had to send you away. Every day I was falling more and more in love with you. Every night in your arms I wished for that to be our life forever.”

Laurie smiled widely, his eyes lighting up, shining with pure happiness. He kissed you so softly and sweetly that you felt light-headed. You kiss back in earnest, putting your hands on top of his that still resided on your face.

“W-What is going on in here?” A broken voice said causing you both to pull apart in shock to see Amy standing in the now-open doorway.

“Amy,” you gasped, dropping your hands from Laurie’s face.

“Amy it is not what it appears to be,” Laurie said and you could have slapped him in the face. Of course, it was what it appeared to be but he was not helping.

It seemed Amy shared your sentiment because she scoffed narrowing her eyes at you both. “Not what it looks like? You two were kissing and I heard you expressing your love to each other.”

“Amy please, let us explain,” you pleaded.

“Explain what? How the two people that claim they never want to hurt me, who want to see me happy are doing the exact thing they swear they wouldn’t,”

“Amy it is not like that,” Laurie said, moving closer to her. “I meant what I said earlier, I do care about you. I love you and wish to marry you.”

She shook her head and looked away from him to look at you. “And you? How could you do this to me? And with Laurie of all people.”

“Amy no, please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t, goodness, just let us explain.”

“Explain then.” Amy crossed her arms and stared at you both.

You glanced at Laurie, but he looked incredibly frightened to say anything. You sighed, “I had an affair with Laurie in London,” You started shutting your eyes as Amy gasped in horror.

“It wasn’t a bad one,” Laurie chimed in, “She was lonely and I was and we needed comforting.

“Your poor husband,” Amy said shaking her head.

“He knew about it. It was his idea. He just wanted me to be happy to experience life. I was hurting from losing you and about to lose another best friend and Laurie was there. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, it just happened. So I broke things off when my feelings grew too down.”

“And That is when Laurie came back to Paris, depressed. Because he loved you and you hurt him.” Amy then laughed bitterly turning to glare sadly at Laurie. “So for you, I am a third option. Can’t have Jo, can’t have her, so you’ll settle for me?”

“No no. Amy that isn’t true. I never loved Jo. It is the two of you I love so much. I was hurt by her ending things and I came back because you are my friend and you always know how to cheer me up and then I realized I was falling for you as well.”

“You love us both? That is preposterous. You can not love us both.” 

“Oh come on Amy, stop lying to yourself. You lied to me early, you love Theo. You always have.”

Her eyes stretched and she stuttered but nothing comprehensible came out. She stared between the two of you before looking away. “I am leaving,” she stated.

“No. You can’t leave, Amy please,’ Laurie said, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

She flinched away glaring at him. “No, you don’t get to tell me. Neither of you do. I can not do this with you, Either of you. I am marrying Fred, I won’t be involved with whatever you two are doing.”

“So you choose him? Why? You love me. You love Laurie. You said you wanted a way for us to be together in this society and to take care of your family. Laurie is the solution. You can marry him and not Fred. It will be perfect.”

“It will be a sham. I won’t have an affair with you while married. I told you that.”

“It won’t be an affair, we would be married, yes, but we will all be in a relationship. The marriage is one of love, but also one of show, so we can be ourselves and not be condemned.” Laurie stressed.

“No. You both lied to me and now you want me to marry you and we are to live happily ever after?” She cried.

“Lied to you? I never lied to you, Amy,” you stated.

“You knew why Laurie was acting strange. You never mentioned your relationship with him, Not ever after what you overheard today. And you Laurie, let me go on and on about Jo knowing it was not Jo who had broken your heart. I thought it was odd you both were avoiding each other, I thought it was to due that kiss as children but I see it was more. I feel like such a fool. You both toyed with me. Is that it? You both couldn’t have each other so went after me?”

“Of course, not, Amy. We would never?” Laurie said.

“We are sorry, Amy. We meant you no harm. We talked about all of us being together,” you added.

“Without me? Because Amy will get go along. Amy is a follower. Amy is desperate for the both of you she’ll do anything.”

“Stop putting words in our mouths. Amy, I understand you are hurt. I shouldn’t have kissed Laurie with our relationship going, I am truly sorry, but please don’t marry Fred when this is the perfect option, where we all can be happy.”

“I don’t want it. This life you two are offering. Not after hurting me. I am going to marry Fred and I wish to never see either of you again.”

You gasped and Laurie looked close to tears. “Amy you can’t mean that. You’ll just throw away our plans, our love, and friendship,” you questioned.

“You did the moment you decide to keep things from me.”

“You are behaving like a child.”

“No, I am being a responsible adult unlike the two of you,” she said walking to the door.

“Amy please don’t walk away from us. We love you, we can be happy. We can travel, get a house and live happily,” Laurie begged.

“No thank you. You two should live happily together. It is what you both deserved,” she spat.

“Fine. Go marry Fred, enjoy your life of being respected and playing by society’s rule,” You said.

“I will.”

“If you won’t marry me, then we’ll marry. Move to Italy and have a life together,” Laurie said taking your hand.

Amy glanced at you both and then at your joint hands. Rivers of tears ran down her pretty cheeks, breaking both your and Laurie’s heart. “Then so be it,” she whispered then left the room.

Amy could barely see as she ran as fast as she could back to the home she was staying in with Aunt March. She always knew she couldn’t have Laurie and one day she would have to give you up and possibly watch you fall in love with someone else, but the idea of you both already loving each other tore her in half.

She was scared and hurt and she couldn’t fathom the offer, which she knew was a good one, but her pain was too raw for her to see that. She ran to her room and threw herself into her bed sobbing her heart out.

Her tears ran down her face for hours until she was too numb to sob and her tears all cried out. She thought about just days earlier when she was happy when she was wrapped up in her love and fantasy future.

“I have never had any sort of, you know before,” Amy flushed bright red. You both were inside your bedroom. You two kissed for hours and when your hands wandered to her waist causing her to flush and pull away.

“Oh, Amy we do not have to do any of that, I just like being with you,” you said, leaning closer to capturing her lips.

She kissed back before pulling away. “Does it work the same way as with a man?” She asked curiously.

“I wouldn’t know. I have never been with another woman. You are the only woman I’ve ever had eyes for,” you chuckled. “I think it would be different considering... Um, the differences.”

“I am not sure I know how it works with men. Meg tried to explain it once, but it freaked me out,” she said embarrassed.

“It freaked me out as well. My mother made me read a book about it, said it was to prepare me for my  wedding night,” you explained.

“Was it painful? With Simon?” She asked.

“My first time was not as painful as I thought. I enjoyed it,” you said. Laurie was incredibly gentle and you were forever grateful for it.

“I do not want my first sexual experience to be with Fred. Can we try something, I want it to be with someone I love.”

You nodded. “We can learn and explore together,” you said, getting off the bed to remove your clothes, you could hear Amy doing the same. By the time you were done, you turned around to see Amy with her hair down, covering her chest.

You grinned getting back into bed and crawling to be in front of her. “Don’t cover up, you are beautiful,” you said, kissing her forehead.

“Don’t make me blush,” she whined.

“I like seeing you blush,” you said, grabbing her hand and pulling her onto the bed with you. You laid her down and hovered over her. “I love you, Amy,”

“ I love you, sweet girl,” she said, kissing you again. The kiss quickly grew hungrier and hungrier and you bit her lower lip causing her to moan and arch against you. Causing her core to rub against yours.

You both moan and quickly fell into a rhythm of upward and downward grinds to chase after that feeling. Your kiss grew sloppy as you both moaned and got lost in the pleasure.

“Something happening, it’s building, what is it?” she asked.

“It’s okay, it will feel good,” you said. You quickly moved one of your hands between you both, rubbing the little button you knew would make her see stars. Amy gasped, her hips moving quicker. 

“Yes, please that feels amazing. Don’t stop sweet girl don’t stop,” she begged.

“Never,” you said, attaching your lips to one of her nipples.

When Amy came it was with a loud moan of your name and her thighs squeezing together. Her eyes rolled back in her hand and her nose wrinkled in the most Amy way possible.

You moaned grinding faster against her spamming body until you reached your own peak, your lips coming down on hers. “I love you, Amy, so much. Always.”

“I love you too, my sweet girl.”

You moved to lay by her side, pulling her close. Your chin rested on her shoulder and your hands were around her waist. “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

“I wish there was a way we could be together, A way for everything to work out for us. I want us,” she whispered.

You dropped a kiss to her shoulder, tightening your hold around her. “Maybe one day.”

“I hope sooner rather than later. I want to be with you forever.”

You hummed softly, “Like we said when we were younger. When we said we would run away together?”

She giggled turning around in your arms. “Yes, like that. We can go anywhere in the world. Be like those women you once told me about.”

“I would like that very much.”

“Me too.”

“You rejected Fred? Amy, I thought you were the smart one of your sisters,” Aunt March huffed the moment Amy walked into the room. It was only days after her fight with the two of you. The ache she felt without you both was hard to ignore. She’s always had one of you in her life and it was strange to know you both were gone. That she forced you out of her life.

 “He has money, a good head on his shoulder and you reject him,” Aunt March continued to rant. “It makes no sense. Have you fallen ill with something or are you just stupid?”

Amy ignored her as she took a seat on the sofa. She started down at her hands. Her bare hands. Fred’s ring was beautiful. The life he was offering was beautiful, perfect, and everything she always hoped for. At least that is what she thought she wanted.

He was nice enough. He would be a good husband, a good provider, and a father. He would grow to love her because, as much as he claimed he did, he did not love her. And she could even grow to love him, but it wouldn’t be the sort of love Meg had with John, her parents had with each other. The love you and Laurie had for each other, had for her.

“Honestly, Amy. You were supposed to help your sisters out. Take care of them, they need the money. Instead, you ruin a good thing, and for what reason, hmm?”

“Aunt March,” Amy said cutting her off, “Why did you never marry?”

Aunt March stuck up her nose and turned her head away from her slightly. “I didn’t have to. I had money. I didn’t waste it away like some people.”

Amy took a deep breath to ignore the obvious comment about her family. “Yes but did you never want to marry? Meet someone you wanted to be with? You’ve never been in love.”

“Amy tell me you are not burdened with love?” She said as if she was speaking about a terminal illness.

“Have you, Aunt March?” Amy asked desperately.

Aunt March looked at Amy. Really looked at her and saw what she knew will be there. A sad young woman in love. A look she once saw in a mirror. She sighed deeply, before turning to Amy completely.

“Josephine might have been named after me, but you are the most like me, Amy,” she said softer than Amy had ever heard her speak. Her face was one of sadness and regret, sorrow and pain.

“I loved once. Someone, so deeply I feel them in my bones. I knew them by smell alone. Their foot pattern and their breathing. I was young when we met and it was like love at first sight as dramatic as the term is, it applied.”

“What happened why didn’t you marry?” Amy asked, leaning forward and hanging onto her every word.

“Because I am like you, Amy,” she said.

“Like me?”

“Times were harsher than now. You can live in Europe with a close friend and not get so many looks. Women are choosing to not marry and single women together don’t raise too many looks. And the Laurance boy would protect you both.”

Amy’s eyes widened slightly at both Aunt March’s confession and her knowing about her feelings for both Laurie and you.

“Oh don’t give me that look, Amy March. It is obvious by the way you three of you are together. She has been in love with you forever, and you with Laurie, and now the three of you are whatever you are. I thought you would never act on it. That you would marry Fred and have that life. This choice you are making Amy does not come easy. While it is more of a norm here, it doesn’t mean it is not without issues.”

“But I love them and I don’t care. I want to be happy. I want happiness and them. Money and pretty things, being content and taking care of the family, it’s nothing if I can’t have them,” Amy sobbed, “But I ruined things. They hurt me and I hurt them, and it’s awful and messy, but it is what I want. I want to fight with them, make up with them, cry, and love with them.”

“And what about your family? Your sisters?” 

“It is not my job to take care of them. I know I am being selfish, but I get to be selfish with my life do I not? I must live for myself and be happy. I love my sisters and I will try to help and support them. I will get a job teaching or selling my work.”

“Hmm.”

“What. Say something.”

“Both of them are quite well off.”

“I am not going to be with them for their money.”

“No no, but their money is a plus,” Aunt March, grasped both of Amy’s hands. “I will help your sisters, you should go. Be the strong Amy that you’ve grown into, and the whimsical, romantic Amy you have always been. The Brave March, I was not.”

Amy reached over and threw her arms around Aunt March’s shoulder. “Oh Aunt March, who knew you were such a softie,” Amy said kissing her cheeks, laughing as Aunt March groaned and tried to pull away.

“Yes yes, just keep it to yourself,” she said, patting her cheek. “Now, you have two people to go see.”

Amy pulled away grinning widely. “Yes, I do.”

You walked hand and hand with Laurie down the street in Italy. Neither of you happy to be in the city you two talked about so long ago. The pain of losing Amy, really losing her weighed you both down.

“This is my fault,” Laurie said softly.

You looked over at him in shock. “Theo, it is not your fault. It is both of our fault. We should have told Amy the truth or maybe not been so harsh with her, she is a sensitive woman.”

“I was the mean one. Asking her to marry me like that. And then roping you into it.

“And I am a woman with my own agency. You didn’t force me, Theo. I was harsh as well. I was the one that was with her and then kissed you. She should hate me forever for it.”

Laurie looked down and squeezed your hand. “I am glad that we are together.”

You smiled, squeezing his back. “Me too. I am very happy right now. It’s not something I’ve truly been in a long time.”

“I was only this happy in London,” he confessed. “I brought a ring then. One to ask you to marry me.”

“What? Theo no? Oh, I am so very sorry. I was horrible to you.”

“No. don’t be sorry. I suppose it was for the best. I got to fall in love with Amy and be close to her. And you got to know her feelings. You got to experience being in love with her and her loving you back.”

“Hey, she loved you as well.”

“But I was too stupid to see it,” he sighed.

“And I was too stupid in London to see you loved me.”

“We both are pale with this sickness then,” he said happily and swinging your hands back and forward.

You giggled, “I suppose we are. Someone should write a song about it,” you teased.

“My music is no good.”

“Oh lies, I saw the notebook back in the desk at home, you are talented. You just need to believe in yourself.”

“You saw that?” He asked, flushing.

“Yes, a few pieces about a pretty blonde in blue. Another is about the love of London. I am awfully curious about what those ones are about.”

Laurie, grabbed your waist, tickling you. “You little monster,” he chuckled as he watched you squirm. You giggled loudly trying to get away. People walking past you both stared some laughing along, others in distaste, but neither of you cared.

When Laurie stopped his attack he retook your hand. “Let’s go home?” 

You nodded. While you two didn’t discuss marrying each other you both did want to spend time in Italy and Laurie’s former home was beautiful and you knew how much it meant to him to be back.

Walking into the house you smiled warmly at Laurie, kissing him sweetly. “Shall I make us something for dinner or should we go back out later”

Laurie shrugged, “I don’t know. I might want to keep you in my bed all night long.”

“Oh Mr. Laurence, you deviant,” you chuckled, pushing his hands away as there was a knock on the door.

“Whoever it is get rid of them, you are mine,” he said, rounding the corner and giving you a wink.

You rolled your eyes at his playfulness and opened the door, only to be completely shocked about who was standing on the other side. “Amy? What are you doing here?”

Seeing Amy on your door steps was the last thing you thought you see. Yet there she stood, her hair down and her eyes wide, and her hands wringing in front of her. Her eyes darted all over your face and behind you before dropping to her hands.

Laurie moved into the foyer after hearing your words. He stood behind you, his hands resting on either side of your hips, tapping his pointer finger on your bone, a nervous habit you noticed.

Amy looked from you to Laurie then her eyes dropped to his hands on your waist. Her lips turned down in her perfect pout. “I had to tell you guys, something.”

“What is it?” Laurie asked.

She closed her eyes for a moment, balling her hands into fists before taking a deep breath and opening her eyes. “I was wrong about the poets,” she said.

“What?” you were confused and slightly worried that maybe Amy had lost her marbles, when Laurie pressed closer to you, forcing you both closer. “You’ve changed your mind?” He said softly, a bit of hope in his tone.

“Yes. I still believe that we have some power over who we love, but sometimes it happens unexpectedly. Sometimes you fall in love simply because it is meant to be. It isn’t a choice to fall in love, but it is a choice to fight for your love. To fight for happiness, equality, and love.”

You and Laurie looked at each other for a moment. Having no idea what to say to her confession. Your mind was running a mile a minute but only one thing repeated over and over and your head.

Amy was here.

“I turned down Fred’s proposal.” She continued. “And that was because I couldn’t live a life of lie. I couldn’t put myself aside for someone else. I don’t want a marriage of economic propositions. I rather never marry than be unhappy in marriage. I don’t want marriage if I can’t have it with you both. I love you both. And you don’t have to say anything but I needed to let you both know. I need-” 

You pushed yourself out of Laurie’s hold and pressed your lips to Amy's. You kissed her as if you would never kiss her again as if this was the last day on earth. As if all the oxygen was gone except for the one in her body. “Amy March, you speak too much,” you laughed, feeling tears run down your face.

Amy was crying as well. She released a cross between a laugh and a sob. “I know I know. I ramble sometimes and I talk too much but that is because I am passionate and this is important and you should talk about things that are important to you and you are-”

“Oh Amy, please,” Laurie chuckled, taking your place and pulling her into a kiss. His hand cupped the side of her face. His other hand reached back to tangle in yours. Laurie squeezed your hand and you couldn’t help but laugh and squeezes his back.

Amy pulled away flushing and you grinned grabbing her and pulling them both into the house. “Amy I am so happy you are here. My life would not be complete without you,” you said.

“Neither would mind,” Laurie said.

“My life is not a life without either of you,” Amy said, wrapping her arms around both your waists and hugging you both tightly.

You sighed happily hugging them both to you. Your eyes closed as you let yourself get lost in the hold of the two people you loved most in the world.

“So are we doing this,” Laurie asked, pulling back from the hug and looking at both of you.

Amy looked between the two of you and nodded. “Yes, more than anything.”

You smiled nodding. “You already know my answer.” 

“Good we have a lot to talk about and work out but for now, I just want to be with you both.”

You chuckled at the dark look in his eyes, one you have seen multiple times and Laurie flushed at your words. He was still so embarrassed of his desires and you just found him more enduring and attractive.

Amy glanced between the two of you. She pouted as she felt as if she was left out of some conversation. Seeing her pout, you cup her face kissing her until she melts against you. “Amy, my dove,  sweet Theo wants to spend time together.”

She nodded still lost.

“Naked in bed,” you added. You laughed at they both turned red. Amy glanced over at Laurie and he found the marble floors much more interesting.

“Will it be like when we did it?” She asked. Laurie’s head snapped up at her words, his mouth hanging open slightly.

You smirked at him, grabbing her hand. “It will be much better.” You held out your other hand for Laurie and tugged them both towards the bedroom. Once you closed the door, you stared at both of them.

Laurie was bouncing on his heels as his eyes jumped from your frame to Amy’s.  He looked so excited both you and Amy shared a look shaking your heads at him. “Don’t have a secret conversation about me,” he pouted.

“Poor Theo,” you said walking towards the bed. You slowly began undressing your outer layers, but they both jumped in helping you to undress. And then you and Amy turned your attentions to Laurie, undressing him quickly.  

Now both naked, you and Laurie turned to Amy. She giggled nervously and you smiled pressing yourself against her back while Laurie did the same to her front. “Relax Amy, we have you,” Laurie said, as he unbutton her corset.

“We will take care of you. We will make sure you are having a good time,” you said, undoing the bows and knots.

“I trust you both,” she said.

Once all three of you were undressed you all moved to the bed. Amy in the middle with you and Laurie on either side of her. Laurie grabbed the back of your head and kissed you deeply. 

You groaned against his lips as he bite your lower lip and tugged your hair slightly. You melt into the kiss and his touch, lost in Laurie’s orbit. A hand stroking your thigh and Laurie’s deep moan had you breaking away to look down at Amy.

She was stroking your thigh and running her finger along Laurie’s cock. “What do you call this?” she whispered to him.

He bit his lip, his breath hitching. “Um, it’s um it’s called a penis or a cock.”

She nodded. You wrapped your hand around hers and help her stroke his cock slowly. Laurie hissed causing you both to look up at him. “I won’t last long if you both keep this up,” he chuckled.

You and Amy giggled and you released her hand, pushing her shoulder back until she lay flat on the bed.  You situated yourself between her thighs, kissing her heatedly. You moaned and Amy grabbed your hips and grinding against you.

Laurie’s hand slid over both your shoulders, before going down your spine, causing you to shiver. Rubbing the head of his cock between the two of you his hands interlocked with Amy’s on your hips.

“Please, Theo,” you begged, against Amy’s lips.

“What is he going to do?” She asked, her eyes dark with lust and dancing with eagerness.

You grinned down at her. “Something amazing,” you said, dragging your lips along the side of her face, biting little love marks into her jaw.

Raising your hips slightly Laurie, pushing his cock between your bodies rocking his hips and moaning as he slid against both your soaking cores. Moaning you bit down harder on Amy causing her to cry out.

“Sorry, my dove,” you ran your tongue over the area in apology.

“No I like it bit me more,” she said, moving her hands to Laurie’s ass and pulling him closer. Laurie’s ball slapped loudly against your ass along with the sounds of your slick as it dripped from you to Laurie’s cock and down onto Amy.

Laurie groaned picking up speed and pressed his body against yours so he could kiss Amy. You reached between your bodies and rubbed both your nerves Each thrust in had your fingers brushing Laurie’s sensitive head.

“So close, not going to last much longer,” He groaned into her mouth.

“Me either, faster, please,” you moaned.

Amy shudders under you both. The weight of your body felt crushing, but she still wanted more of you both. She wanted you closer. She spread her legs wider, looping one of her legs around your calf and the other around Laurie’s waist.

“Oh, Dio,” Laurie breathed, as he came, shooting cum all over your lower stomach and and soaking you both more. Amy moaned, throwing her head back and scrunching her nose as she came, you followed quickly after her. 

Laurie thrust sloppily a few more times before rolling off of you onto the bed. Taking deep breaths you rolled off of Amy. You all lay in silence for a few minutes as you all tried to catch your breath.

And then Laurie started laughing, causing you both to look over at him.  He continued to laugh, covering his hands with his face. You sat up on your elbows to look at him closely. Amy's eyebrows pinched together, sitting up as well.

“Laurie, what is  so funny?” She asked.

“Yes, let us in on the joke,” you said, draping your arm over her hips and blinking expectantly at him.

He chuckled, removing his hand, and turned to face you both. “I was just thinking about the day Amy fell into the water.”

“What? Why?” You laughed.

“She fell in and we went in to save her. All three of us soaking wet and laid on the ice like this. I remember being so terrified but then Amy complained about her ruined dress and we all laughed.”

You snorted, laughing as well. 

“It was a pretty dress. And it was new,” she defended.

“You almost died,” Laurie stressed laughing. 

You joined in kissing her shoulder. “I was terrified too but it was one of my favorite days with the two of you.”

Amy laughed as well, wrapping herself around Laurie. “We all got cocoa at home and sat by the fire for hours just talking. All my sisters were out with Marmee and I got you both to myself.”

“And now you have us forever,” Laurie said, kissing her forehead then he pressed one to yours.

Grabbing the blanket you wrapped it around all of you, snuggling close together. You all needed to wash up and the sheets would need to be changed but that could wait until after a nap. You closed your eyes, laying your head on Amy’s shoulder as she laid hers on Laurie’s chest. As you drifted off you couldn’t help but think.

Amy loved you.

Amy loved Laurie.

She was here in Italy.

Amy was with you and Laurie.

Amy and Laurie

Amy and Laurie.

You, Amy, Laurie.

                                   Taglist.

@gatoenlaciudad

@iloveneilperry​

@valencia-rou

@s-we-e-t-t-ea​

@robertpattins0nswh0re

#timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet imagine #laurie laurence x reader #laurie x amy #laurie x amy x reader #laurie x reader #amy march x reader #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet smut #laurie smut #smut

[outerspacebisexual]

What Remains in the Wake - Eddie Munson

Part Two of Until the Chaos is Through

Part One - Until the Chaos is Through

Part Three - Blessed Silence After This Mayhem

Part Four - Heinous Regret With No Salvation

Summary: You're left reeling after your boyfriend Eddie's infidelity. It doesn't feel like you'll ever move on, and a tiny part of you wants to go back to him.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: angst, swearing, implied/referenced cheating, again maybe steve x reader if you squint, you have really great friends in this i stg

a/n: HOLY SHIT guys i seriously didn't expect all the love on until the chaos is through! i LOVE reading your thoughts about it. genuinely so many made me laugh so much.

i really hope that you enjoy part two. i got so many requests to be tagged that i couldn't get through them all, so i am sorry about that!

thank you all so much for the support! <3

Masterlist

Your days wasted away into the night after the Halloween party.

You teetered on a razor’s edge between wanting to run straight back to Eddie and wanting to never see him again.

Like today, when laying alone in your room only bought thoughts of missing him. When your covers still smelt like him, and the photos of the two of you stared blankly from their spots on your dresser and the walls and the bedside table, their wide smiles and bright eyes mocking you.

Everywhere you looked, there was Eddie, and you couldn’t bring yourself to leave this little self-proclaimed bubble of ignorance.

Because if you didn’t think about it, it wasn’t real. Eddie was simply on his way over to hang out and spend the night like he used to, and everything was fine.

The night of the party, your friends had stayed with you until mid-morning. They took turns in comforting you as you spent hours sobbing on the couch, crying out against the unfairness of it all. About how stuff like this didn’t happen to people like you.

It didn’t happen to couples who loved each other.

Because you loved him.

And Eddie loved you.

But that affirmation you had been repeating to yourself for weeks held no weight now. It had been your lifeline in all those moments of doubt and insecurity, the one thing that you told yourself over and over and over, assuring you that you were wrong.

And yet, you had been right, despite all the lies you pretended were the truth.

You heard Steve’s car pull into your driveway.

You didn’t get up to let him in. He and the other’s had borrowed your spare key, taking turns in checking in on you after your refusal to leave your house for the third day in a row.

You stayed still, curled up beneath the covers, eyes closed as Steve opened your bedroom door.

“Hey,” he murmured, coming to sit on the edge of your bed.

You didn’t reply, just barely peeking your eyes open, but he didn’t look dejected, he just gave you a tight-lipped smile—one that reeked of pity.

Yesterday, it had been Nancy who came by. She had sat right where Steve was, that same sympathetic look on her face. You hadn’t wanted to talk then either.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, just loud enough for you to hear.

The tears burned the back of your eyes. “I’m fine,” you whispered, but your lip trembled, and Steve was quick to brush his hand over the side of your head.

“You don’t need to lie to me,” he told you, the same softness to his voice as before, as if he, too, was trying to protect the quiet bubble just as much as you were. That was what you told yourself, even though you knew it wasn’t true. “Talk to me.”

Your throat ached as you swallowed back a sob. You’d cried enough these past few days. “I—I don’t know what to do.”

His hand brushed over your head again. “About what?”

“About the love I have for him. I love him, Steve.” Just saying those words out loud had you weeping. “I love him so much and it still wasn’t enough.”

Steve’s hand rested on your shoulder, and he squeezed it just tight enough to make you look up at him. “Y/N, it would have been enough for anyone else. I don’t know why he did what he did, but I do know that it wasn’t because of you.”

“But if I—”

“No,” he cut you off, tone firm—firmer than anyone had been in days. “No. This isn’t on you. This is on him.”

The words should have comforted you. He meant them to be comforting, but they didn’t help. They only caused you to think about Eddie.

And it made you think of the fact that he hadn’t contacted you at all.

He hadn’t tried to call. He hadn’t come over. He hadn’t made any effort to try and talk to you.

Maybe you don’t mean enough to him, that tiny voice whispered. Maybe you weren’t enough for him to even bother to apologise. Maybe he doesn’t want to apologise.

You clamped your eyes shut, trying to block out the awful words that just kept tumbling and turning through your mind.

Steve removed his hand from your shoulder, and you instantly missed the comfort of it.

When you opened your eyes, they fell to him—to his hands—and you frowned.

“What is that?” you asked.

“What?”

You removed your arm from the warmth of your covers to take his hand in yours.

His knuckles were bruised, the middle two split, but they had healed enough to not need to be covered.

Steve tried to pull his hand away, but you held fast. “Steve?”

“I—uh,” He swallowed and looked to the wall, avoiding your eyes. “It’s from the party.”

Your brows furrowed. “You got into a fight?” You had been so focused on yourself that you hadn’t even realised he had been hurt at all, not at the party or over the past few days.

He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes not leaving your patterned wallpaper. “Sort of.”

You studied his side profile, the way his eyes darted around, his hesitancy to answer your questions.

Steve had been with Jonathan and Nancy most of the night at the party, if you remembered correctly. From the couch at the Roland’s, you had been able to see most of the first floor and you couldn’t recall him getting into a fight. If you had, you would have at least tried to stop him. That man did not need any more knocks to the head. It must have happened upstairs—

It hit you, and you shrunk back.

“Oh,” you said, and this time when he attempted to pull his hand away, you let him.

“I—yeah. Jonathan and I, we—” He cleared his throat, standing. “I should probably go. Do you need anything?”

Jonathan had been at the top of the stairs, but Steve…Steve hadn’t come out until after. Judging by his knuckles, now you knew why. You wondered if Jonathan had even tried to stop him.

You stared at him for a long moment before shaking your head. He rushed out a hurried good-bye, and then your door was pulled shut with barely more than a click.

+

School was the absolute last place you wanted to be.

The incident wasn’t common knowledge amongst your peers, but you knew that it was only a matter of time before they found out. Already, hushed whispers trailed you; some sympathetic, some not.

It was also the first time in over two years that you didn’t have Eddie by your side as you walked through the front doors. Even before you got together, you had been friends, and his presence right beside you had become a staple in your life that you never thought you’d lose.

But you had.

The worst part was lunch.

As you grabbed your tray, your eyes immediately went to the Hellfire table out of habit, and you stopped short when you realised that you couldn’t sit there anymore.

Eddie wasn’t there in his pride of place at the head of the table, thankfully, but Jeff’s eyes found you, confused as to why you weren’t coming over.

It became obvious that the rest of The Hellfire Club didn’t know.

As you stood there, you wondered if they had known about Eddie and Chrissy. Had they been aware of Eddie’s deals with her? Had you sat across from them every day being the only one in the dark? They were Eddie’s friends first; they didn’t owe you any loyalty. That belonged to their infallible Dungeon Master. Had they humoured you while Eddie snuck out to the��

An arm slipped through yours. “I hear that the band freaks and the school newspaper weirdos have way more fun than D&D nerds,” Robin whispered into your ear as she guided you towards a table at the back of the cafeteria.

You had never been more grateful.

She saw the beholden look on your face and shook her head. “Don’t,” she said softly, and then launched into a spiel about how she had a pop quiz this morning that she most definitely flopped.

Nancy was happy to see you, eyes lighting up as she moved her bag off the table to make a place for you opposite her. Robin dropped into the seat beside you. “Hello, I didn’t expect to see you today.”

You sent Nancy a shy smile. “Yeah,” you said, picking up your fork, “I was surprised, too.”

You had been thinking about skipping school today, and the rest of the week if you were honest, but you knew that it wasn’t going to make a difference about how you were feeling. Your bubble was nothing more than a delusion that you allowed yourself to believe in anyway.

“Well, either way, it’s good to see you here.”

Robin was quick to say, “And to have you sitting with us now. You have no idea the fun we have here.”

You raised a brow. “Oh really?”

“You bet,” she told you, taking a rather large bite out of her sandwich. “Us two? We’re living it up while you losers sit around whining about whatever it is you whine about all day.”

“You don’t have to sell it to me, Rob. I believe you.”

Around a mouthful of food, she said, “Look! You’re already laughing. Proof!”

True to her word, you were grinning wider than you had in nearly a week. Being by yourself for so long had only allowed you to stew in your own self-pity. Being here, with your friends who were trying so hard to help you?

That was worth braving the school corridors for.

Robin placed a hand on your arm. “Oh, did you hear about Lucas’s basketball game? He wasn’t benched—” She immediately cut herself off as her eyes flew to something—or someone—behind you.

You tensed, already not liking the way her eyes bulged as she beheld who stood there.

“Um, Y/N? Can I please talk to you?” Chrissy’s voice was quiet, so much so that you almost missed it as you turned to look at her.

She fiddled with the sleeves of her varsity cheer jacket, the one she always wore, the one you knew that she wore when she would see Eddie.

“W-What?” you managed.

She swallowed, eyes darting around at the stares that came with being the Queen of Hawkins High. “I—I would like to talk to you, please.” She pulled the sleeve of her jacket particularly hard, and it displaced the neckline of her shirt just enough to reveal a tiny patch of discoloured skin on her collarbone.

Your throat suddenly felt like it was closing up.

You couldn’t pull your eyes from that spot of skin. Had it been Eddie? Or had it been Jason? Had Jason known that his girlfriend slept with the freak he hated so much? You had never really liked Jason Carver, but right now, in this exact moment, there was no one else on earth who you understood more.

Both thoughts had bile rising as you tried to calm your racing heart. “I don’t want to talk to you, Chrissy.”

She looked down at you, a dumbstruck look on her face. “Why?”

Your jaw dropped open, and you knew that Robin and Nancy shared the same look. “Why—Why do I not want to talk to you?” you uttered. “Because you slept with my boyfriend, Chrissy.”

Her eyes widened, and she quickly glanced around at the surrounding tables.

As she did, that feeling that you had become so accustomed to whenever you saw her slowly morphed into disbelief.

Even now, she was worried about people finding out that she was the one who fucked the freak. Even as she stood beside the person who she had stolen him from, who she had a hand in betraying.

“Are you serious?”

“Please,” she murmured, “Can we speak outside?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you told her, voice shaking.

“But—”

You dug your fingers into the side of the table.

You had no idea where all of this anger was coming from. For days, you hadn’t been able to feel anything except a swirling pool of heartbreak and numbness. And now, this rush of hostility coursed through you faster than you could stop it.

“—Chrissy,” Nancy interrupted. “You should go.”

Robin’s hand coming to rest on your forearm was the only thing keeping your grounded.

Chrissy eyed the growing number of stares that were on her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and your chair was sliding back in an instant as you stood.

She shrank back at the ferocity in your eyes, mouth dropping open as you leaned forward. “I don’t want your apologies,” you spat. “I want you to fuck off.” Robin and Nancy were standing, too, Robin’s hand a hairsbreadth from your arm as if to grab you at a moment’s notice.

Chrissy took a single step back. Then another. Her eyes didn’t leave you as she raced away from your table.

You stared after her, blood thrumming in your ears and your heart pounding in your chest.

But as soon as the adrenaline rush arrived, it deserted you, and that rage became humiliation as you noted all the eyes on you.

You slumped back into your seat.

Nancy sat wide-eyed across from you. “Are…Are you OK?” she asked, somewhere between shocked and…impressed?

“I honestly don’t know,” you muttered. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

Your face burned, and you shook your head. At what, you didn’t know. Maybe at your actions. Maybe at Chrissy’s fucking ignorance.

“Well,” Robin said, brows raised as she looked between you and Nancy. “I think we can safely say our table hasn’t seen this much action in years.”

You covered your face with your hands. “I thought you said you had fun here?”

“I’m a liar.”

+

You knew that going to The Hideout for the first time since Halloween would be difficult, but you hadn’t expected it to be so hard.

You didn’t expect to see Eddie in everything.

He wasn’t actually there on the random Friday night that you, Nancy, Robin, Steve, and Jonathan decided to hang out, but you saw him on the stage.

You saw him leaning against the back wall, you standing snuggly against him, playing with his hair as you listened to the band on after Corroded Coffin.

You saw him sitting at the bar, peppering kisses along your jaw.

You saw him at the table by the window, his eyes lighting up when he spotted you coming back with drinks in hand.

The Hideout was a living, breathing reminder of everything you and Eddie had once been.

And you didn’t expect it to hurt so much.

“I just can’t believe it’s taking this long,” Jonathan shouted over the music, bringing your attention back to the group. He was rambling on about something to do with Chief Hopper and his mother, and to be honest, you were a little lost.

“Didn’t they go to high school together?” Steve asked. “They’ve known each other forever.”

“Exactly!” Jonathan exclaimed, surging forward enough to jolt Nancy who was perched under his arm. “It’s like, you’ve known each other for so long and you both know you like each other, so why are you just waiting around for something to happen?”

Steve opened his mouth to reply, but one of the bartenders appeared at the end of the table. Earl, you remembered, and from the way his face lit up, he remembered you, too.

“Y/N!” he called, and you waved politely. “I haven’t seen you here for ages! We missed you at Eddie’s set last week. I almost called you when he got so wasted he couldn’t walk, but he insisted he was fine. Stumbled out of here by himself with nothing but his wits. Stupid boy.”

Despite everything, a pang of worry shot through you. “Oh,” you said awkwardly, “I—yeah, Eddie and I aren’t really…” You trailed off, and Earl’s face fell a fraction.

“Ah, well, next round is on me,” he told you, and you sent him a grateful smile as he disappeared into the throng of people.

You weren’t quite sure what to do with yourself, and Steve picked up on it, launching back into the conversation with Jonathan.

That seemed to be your general state of being now. Unsure.

You were unsure who you were without Eddie. You were unsure how you could go forward when a small part of you kept wanting to go back. Back to the man that you had made plans with for after graduation. The man who you had promised to be with forever; promised to build a life with outside of Hawkins in less than a few months.

Eddie still hadn’t tried to see you. He still hadn’t called, or come to your house, or even tried to accost you at school like Chrissy had.

Over the past two weeks, you hadn’t even seen him in the halls at school, or the cafeteria, despite his van being in the parking lot every day.

He simply disappeared from your life, and you weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

The lump in your throat made itself apparent, just like it always did. It practically lived within you now.

You slid out of the booth, shooting your friends a quick glance. “Bathroom,” you said quickly, before weaving past people you both recognised and didn’t. Most of the people you only knew because of Eddie.

The bathroom was empty. A small mercy, as you locked the door and sat on the lid of the toilet, head in your hands.

Coming here so soon was a mistake. It was too much.

You pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes, quietly savouring the pressure.

You didn’t belong here without Eddie.

You didn’t belong anywhere without Eddie.

No matter how much you tried to kid yourself, nothing felt right without him.

There was a knock on the door, but you ignored it.

You hadn’t ever even been to The Hideout without him. It was his place, and you just tagged along, ringing in the perks of being with the band. Which weren’t many except maybe a few free drinks here and there.

But to everyone you met there, you were Eddie’s.

And now you weren’t.

And that hurt so much.

Someone knocked again, and this time you shouted, “Give me a minute!”

The person on the other side was silent, and you rubbed at your eyes, patterns playing behind your eyelids in a kaleidoscope of colours and shapes.

It was comforting, somehow.

The door clicked open, and your head shot up to see Nancy standing there, hair pin in hand. “Sorry,” she said, looking only slightly guilty. “I wanted to check on you. I was worried.”

You scoffed. “What if I was peeing?”

She shut the door. “Then we would have known each other a lot more intimately than we did ten seconds before now.” She eyed you up and down, eyes not missing a thing. She was so perceptive that it was almost scary. “Too much?”

You nodded. “Too much.”

“We can go, you know? We don’t have to stay if it’s making you upset.”

“I—I want to. I just—” You waved your hands around. “—It doesn’t feel right. Without him. Nothing does.”

Nancy gave you one of her closed mouth smiles. “I know it feels that way now, but it will get better. I promise.” She knelt before you, hands on your knees as she leaned down to catch your eye. “What he did, you can’t go back, no matter how much you want to.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek. “How long will it take?” You felt like a child asking questions that didn’t have an answer.

Nancy shrugged. “I don’t know. But I do know that a week ago, this would have sent you spiralling. And now, you’re not even crying.” You blinked, feeling for the first time that your eyes were dry. She smiled. “Time, honey. You just need time.”

+

“Why are we here again?” you grumbled to Jonathan as you both got out of his car on the main street.

“Because one: I need help carrying all this to the car, and two: I also need help putting it together,” he told you.

“And why am I tasked in helping you put your brother’s Christmas present together? It’s still months away.”

Jonathan sighed, all mock disappointment. “Well, you weren’t my first choice, but everyone else is busy.”

You jabbed your finger into his arm. “That’s mean, you know that?”

“Maybe if you stopped complaining so much, we’d already be done,” he teased, and you rolled your eyes.

The main street wasn’t as busy as you thought it would be on a Saturday mid-afternoon.

People still meandered up and down the street, but most were on a mission, like you and Jonathan.

Jonathan hadn’t even explained exactly what it was that you were picking up and putting together. You just knew that he was really excited about giving it to Will. And you could hardly say no to him when it was practically saying no to sweet, little Will.

“Don’t forget we have to pick Lucas and Max up from the arcade on the way back,” you reminded him.

“Why do we have to do that again?”

“Because you recruited me and I already said yes to them, so we have to combine plans.” You side stepped a large group of elderly women who pushed straight through the middle of you two. Jonathan kept walking and was a few metres ahead by the time the group of ladies finished filing past.

You stepped off to follow after him when your name was called from across the street.

Looking up, you froze as Eddie came rushing across the street towards you.

It was as if every single thought you’d ever had emptied from your mind as he came to a stop a few feet from you.

His hair was just as messy as it always was, and you noted the faded bruise on his cheekbone. You didn’t have to guess where that had come from, and the bags under his eyes were much more prominent than they normally were.

Seeing him now, your stomach churned with so many different emotions that you weren’t even sure what you were feeling.

He was a little out of breath as he said, “Can I talk to you? Please?” His dark eyes were pleading, and you fought against the urge to instantly cave, just like you always did when he shot you his puppy dog eyes.

“I—”

You were cut off when Jonathan suddenly appeared beside you. He looked beyond angry; his brows creased, and his top lip pulled back. “I thought we told you to keep your distance, Munson,” he ground out.

Eddie looked surprised to see him. He obviously thought you’d been alone. “I just want to talk, man. Please. I’ve stayed away, but I need to talk to you.” He directed the last bit at you. “Please.”

You didn’t think that you’d heard him say please so much in his life. He was practically begging.

“What do you want to say?” you asked timidly. Eddie glanced between you and Jonathan. “It’s fine, Jonathan. Just give me a minute?”

He looked unsure, but eventually conceded, shooting Eddie a dirty look as he made his way up the street just enough to give you some privacy. You had known him long enough to know that he was still within hearing distance.

“What did you want to talk about?”

When Eddie’s eyes finally found yours again, they looked pained. “I…I wanted to talk about us.”

“There is no us, Eddie.”

“I know. I know that. But I’m so, so sorry. You have no idea how hard these past few weeks have been for me. Staying away from you—”

“How hard they’ve been for you?” You laughed, right in his face. “How do you think they’ve been for me? You didn’t even try and see me.”

“Steve and Jonathan told me not to. They said—”

“I don’t give a shit what Steve and Jonathan said. You cheated on me and then just abandoned me.” Your voice wavered, and you hated that Eddie caught it.

He tried to reach for you, but you stepped back and pulled your hand away. His eyes flashed with hurt, and you squashed the part of you that felt bad. “And I’m so sorry, sweetheart. It was a mistake.”

You closed your eyes for a second, hating the way your pet name rolled off his tongue. The pet name that he hadn’t used in the weeks before Halloween. It had become non-existent once he started seeing Chrissy.

“How many times?” you asked suddenly.

He looked confused. “What?”

“How many times, Eddie?” you repeated. You didn’t want to say the words out loud.

Understanding your meaning, his eyes found the ground. He was silent for a long moment. “Six,” he mumbled.

You choked. “Six?” You took another step back.

“It—Y/N, wait—”

“—Six times you slept with her and then came home to me?”

You weren’t even sure why you were entertaining this conversation. You knew that it was only going to end up with you hurting more than you already were.

“No, I never saw you on those days,” he confessed.

You stared at him. “Is that supposed to make it better?”

His eyes widened, and he rushed out, “No, no. I’m just trying to explain.”

The melancholic agony that you’d been stuck in for weeks was suddenly sharpening. The razor’s thin edge became no longer wanting or not wanting, it became anger and rage. “There is nothing you could possibly explain to make this better.”

His voice became pleading, and he stepped towards you as if you were going to suddenly disappear. “Please, baby, it was a mistake. Chrissy—she’s not you. I want you. I need you—”

Your fist was flying before you could stop it, and you only registered what you had done when your knuckles stung.

Eddie reeled back, and you stared wide-eyed at him. His hand went to his face, holding the spot between his cheekbone and his nose.

He opened and closed his mouth.

“I loved you, Eddie,” you uttered, clutching your fist in your other hand. “I gave you everything, and it still wasn’t enough for you. I needed my boyfriend to love me enough to not sleep with other people.”

Jonathan was suddenly standing beside you.

“Fuck you, Eddie,” you spat as Jonathan took your arm. “I don’t need you anymore.”

If Eddie was going to say something, you didn’t find out, because Jonathan was pulling you up the street past the onlookers who were gawking at both you and Eddie.

“Are you OK?” he asked.

“No,” you muttered, and you weren’t sure if it was the adrenaline or just pure mania, but you started to laugh. “That really fucking hurt. I think I broke my hand.”

+

Pulling the door open to Family Video an hour before closing, you were pleased to see it was empty aside from the man you were looking for.

“Harrington,” you called as the door shut behind you, “I need a movie recommendation.”

Looking up from where he was leaned against the counter flicking though a magazine, Steve seemed both surprised and happy to see you. “You’ve come to the right place,” he declared, standing up. “We have movies galore. What are you looking for?”

You grinned as you reached the counter. “Something funny, but also a little sad, with a killer soundtrack.”

He pretended to ponder for a moment. “Sounds an awful lot like your favourite movie,” he pronounced.

“Someone has to keep this place afloat. Why not me and my little favourites?”

Steve rolled his eyes playfully. “Where would we be without you?” he joked, pulling a tape from beneath the counter and setting it in front of you.

You raised a brow. “You had it sitting back there already?”

He shrugged. “Had a hunch.”

Reaching for the cash in your pocket, you hissed when your knuckles caught the lip of the pocket. Steve noticed, and his eyes shot to your hand.

“I heard you socked Munson in the face today,” he remarked, and you couldn’t quite tell the tone he used.

“Yeah,” you said sheepishly, placing the money on the counter.

He held out his hand, wagging his fingers. “Let me see.”

Gingerly, you placed your hand in his own, watching as he studied your knuckles. Unlike his, the skin of your knuckles was still intact, but they were slowly starting to bruise.

And they hurt like hell. You didn’t know how people did it over and over again. Just one mediocre punch and you were sure you wouldn’t be able to hold a pencil for a week.

“We match,” you observed, and he shot you a disapproving look.

“Not really something I wanted to match you for.” He brushed his thumb over them, and you winced. “You’re lucky it’s not broken.”

“Jonathan already gave me that spiel,” you muttered. He had seriously ripped into you on the drive from the main street. Not only had you ruined his plans for the day and still forced him to pick up Lucas and Max, but he then had to take you to the hospital which he was less than impressed with.

The verdict had been bruised knuckles and not a break, but the doctor had advised you to lay off punching people in the face in the future.

Still looking at your hand, Steve started chuckling and you narrowed your eyes. “What?”

He shook his head. “I just can’t believe you punched him in the main street.”

“He’s the one who came at me. If anything, he chose the location,” you tried to justify.

Steve smiled. “I’m proud of you,” he said after a second. “I know it was hard for you.”

Your heart squeezed in your chest. “Thank you, Stevie.”

And you really meant it.

You had no doubt that if it weren’t for the support of your friends, you wouldn’t be where you were. If it weren’t for them, you might never have known about Eddie and Chrissy.

And as much as you had been confused and upset about not seeing Eddie in the last few weeks, Steve’s threats about giving you space were the best thing that could have happened. Because you would have gone back to him if he showed up on your doorstep. You would have continued to bleed yourself dry for him over and over again.

Steve tapped your fingers, and you looked back at him.

Like Nancy said, it would still take some time.

But you were all right with that.

#eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson imagine #stranger things imagine #stranger things one shot #stranger things angst #steve harrington x reader #outerspacebisexual

[joshlmbrt]

NOW PLAYING;

I’d Rather Go Blind. - e. munson thought

‘SOMETHING DEEP DOWN IN MY SOUL SAID, ‘CRY GIRL’.

w; hurt/no comfort, eddie having the stereotypical rockstar tendencies, lower case intended

an; sorry for this one YIKES

-> VALENTINES PLAYLIST HERE.

it started during February.

the moment you knew you’d lost Eddie.

he never seen it, you never told him. he probably would’ve done something - tried to change for the better.

but it wouldn’t have been the same you don’t think.

the version of eddie that you longed for was one you still believed was there, still lingering in the little things he does for you when you both have little time to spend together.

but you knew it was fully over when you watched him waltz into the room with two girls after the show.

gareth watches sadly, apologetic eyes shooting over to you on the plush couch.

eddie pulls away from them, walking towards you. “baby. hi.” he presses a messy kiss - more slobber than anything - to your lips.

“hi,” you mutter weakly. your hand twitches at the side - you wanted to wipe the slobber from your skin, but you’re scared that’s the last time you’ll feel anything kin to a kiss from eddie munson.

you glance over his bare sweaty shoulder, watching as red and pink lips tug into a smirk before whispering something indistinguishable, smudged eyeliner eyes cutting back to you every so often. you gulp.

“i-im not feeling to well,” you look back over at him. “i’m gonna go home.”

he hums, ringed fingers trying - and failing - to tap your thigh. “sounds good, sweetheart,” his speech was slurred, your heart breaks and eyes sting. “don’t wait up on me.”

you nod - though you would do the exact opposite - and stand from the couch, hurrying out of the room.

the tears spill out when you step out into the bitter wind, your hand coming up and furiously wiping at the ones that fall a little to quick.

you did exactly the opposite of what he told you to do - you waited up.

you did exactly the opposite when you should’ve left - you regretted it when you smelt the new perfume of the month.

now, a year later, eddie realizes when he lost you.

his stumbling and catching himself with his hands on the wall causes a loud ruckus making him wince and glance over to the bed.

his blinking was slow, delayed. head tilting when he sees you side made up and your book from the nightstand missing and replaced with a note.

suddenly he felt sober.

he steps further into the room, knee hitting the bed when he comes around to your side and pulls the note from the nightstand.

‘eddie,

i can’t do this anymore. i’m tired of worrying for you and wondering when you’re going to come back - i’m tired of smelling new perfume and cleaning off the different lipstick stains from your shirt.

i don’t love you anymore. good luck with everything.’

the world stops spinning under his boots and he suddenly falls to the bed.

his eyes stare down at the words.

i don’t love you anymore.

i don’t love you anymore.

i don’t love you anymore.

he doesn’t notice that he’s crying until some tears hit the paper, standing over the words. his breath shudders when he places the paper down, fingers gripping the pillow next to him.

he slowly puts it over his face, sobbing when he inhales your scent that hadn’t faded yet.

a scream leaves his throat, muffled against the pillow, his body keeling over as his shoulders shake.

he didn’t think he would lose you.

he didn’t want to lose you.

i don’t love you anymore.

💌 eddie tags; @officerrrfriendly, @queercodedcharacter, @lavendermunson, @whisperingwillowxox, @hazydespair

some moots that might enjoy! if you’d like to be untagged - let me know! ; @s6raphic, @xxhellfirebunnyxx, @meet-me-backstage, @readbydayana

thank you for reading! comments, reblogs, requests, likes, & feedback is encouraged, welcomed, & deeply appreciated! 🧸

#rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader #rockstar!eddie munson x reader #rockstar!eddie x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #joseph quinn x reader

[joekeeryswife]

For you, For her - e.m

hello angels! i hope everyone’s doing well. here is part two to deadbeat dad (the eddie version, steve version out soon!) i’m really excited about this one and i hope you all enjoy reading it🩷 if you enjoy rockstar!dad (or even just regular dad!Eddie) send me some requests!🩷

(here is the Steve alternative ending!)

taglist(feel free to add yourself🩷): @theshireisonfire @thankingjoe @livsters @sadbitchfangirl @hellfire1986baby @ladyapplejackdnd @alexxavicry @juleshadalittlelamb @hollandweather @lovurry @bibieddiesgf @plk-18 @m-rae23 @hargrovesswifee @missabsey @chxrrySprxut @idkjoequinn @plutosllama @emma77645 @birdysaturne @thefrontofmymind @pbs-theundeadmaggot @keirasreplies @tiannamortis (if there’s a line through your name i cannot tag you for some reason, make sure your tags are on. also lmk if you want to be deleted from my taglist 🩷)

"hey, what's got you up so early?" Eddie's manager Steph said leaning against the kitchen side as she drank her coffee. it was 8am and she was surprised to see him up this early. let alone up, dressed and ready to leave the house. he used to wake up every afternoon with a different groupie leading them to the front door where he promised to call them which he obviously never did.

but Steph hadn't been at his house, which he shared with Gareth, since Eddie went to your house to see Penny. she had absolutely no idea what he was doing for himself, for his daughter, for you. he hadn't even slept with anyone since he spoke to you.

"i've got to go see my daughter" it had been almost two months since Penny's party and he had been bettering himself for her. he would turn up practically every weekend to take her out and do something she'd like. sometimes he'd even come round on the wrong days just to spend time with her, it made Penny's face light up when he actually showed up when he said he would and it was beautiful to see.

"no, you can't go today we have that party later and we all want you there" Steph shouted as she watched him slip on his shoes and grab his keys off the side. he stopped and turned to her, Eddie was very easily influenced but he knew if he didn't turn up that his girl would be stopped from seeing him and he couldn't handle that.

"i'm sorry Steph but right now my kid is the only thing i care about, enjoy the party" with that he walked out the front door leaving her stunned. Eddie Munson never ever turned down a party.

the last time Eddie went to a party was the day of his daughters birthday, he knew it was horrible of him and he honestly hated himself for doing that but he had stopped partying, he had stopped drinking and doing drugs which had shocked everyone. his friends, his family, the press and he was proud of the person he was becoming.

after the situation which happened a week after Penny's birthday he went to Wayne and was shouted at by him for hours. Wayne was furious that he even have the audacity to show his face after what he had done to his daughter and after he told Eddie that he was ashamed of the person he had become, he changed up real fast.

he went home that night and listened to the voicemail Penny had left him 'daddy. are you coming to my party, i miss you' it had broke him. he listened to the voicemail over and over again which made him sob for hours. his girl wanted to see him and he failed, he failed her. after hearing her say that she missed him, he knew that he could become a better person and he did.

it had surprised you to see Eddie standing there a week later, dressed casually and he explained to you that he was trying his best and you appreciated that. yes it took a little bit of time before Penny opened up to him again but he was grateful that you had given him the chance to see her, to tell her how sorry he was.

he didn't want to be known as the dad that didn't care because he did. he was grateful that Corroded Coffin had gotten the recognition they deserved, but he wishes some days that they hadn't so none of this would have happened.

he wished that things would go back to how they were when you were all a family, you made time for each other, loved and cared for each other and he was highly at fault. he wasn't showing you or Penny love, care or affection and it was his fault your relationship broke down. that's one of his biggest regrets.

the knock on your front door pulled you out of your thoughts. it was early, 8:32am to be exact, and the only person that you knew was coming round was Eddie. but that wasn't meant to be until later, Penny wasn't even awake yet.

you opened the door and saw Eddie standing there with a small, anxious smile on his face. "i know it's early but i thought it would be nice if we all spent the day together. we could let Penny pick, only if you want to. if you're busy i can come back later when i was meant to-" you shook your head and smiled.

"i think that's a lovely idea" you moved to the side so he could come in. Eddie let you and Penny stay in the house when the two of you broke up, he had some sort of a brain and you were grateful you did stay there. it was filled with beautiful memories and you would hate it if you did have to leave.

"she's not awake yet but she should be soon, she's gonna be really happy to see you" you smiled, Penny couldn't really remember what it was like when Eddie was here but all she wanted was for Eddie to come home so you could be a family again. she wanted to see her dad every day, she wanted him to be here with you and her.

Eddie sat down on the sofa and you sat next to him, keeping a bit of distance. "look i need to talk to you, it’s easier to do it now because she’s not awake" this made your smile drop and anxiety fill your body, he took a deep breath, obviously thinking about how he was going to say whatever he was thinking.

"i'm really sorry for everything i've done these past couple of years. i've been an awful person and i've hurt you both and i'm really grateful you're giving me a second chance to be Penny's dad" he grabbed ahold of your hands and looked into your eyes.

it was like every time you looked into them you were mesmerised, his eyes were one of your favourite things about him and you were happy when you saw Penny had the exact same eyes he did.

"i'm sorry i left and i'm sorry for not being there for you, i'm sorry for not being there for Penny and i hope you know that i have changed and i am never leaving her again. i was honestly the biggest asshole and there is nothing i regret more than how i treated you both, especially you. you've done it all on your own and you've raised her so well. you are an incredible mum" you smiled again, grateful that he was taking accountability for his actions, you were also grateful for the small praise he had said.

getting told you were a good mum always put your mind at ease. there was always the thought of you not doing it correctly but parenting didn't come with a book. you had to figure it out on your own and to get reassurance just made you feel like you were doing it your best and apparently, according to Eddie, you were an incredible mum which you were and he meant every word.

"thank you for saying that ed's" Eddie's cheeks flushed at the nickname, he loved you. he really really loved you and his biggest regret was leaving you for the band. he wished he treated you differently, he wished he could go back in time and talk things out with you and listen to what you had to say, he wished he showed you both the love and affection you deserved but he didn't and he hated himself.

he was brought up by Wayne who had told him to respect women and when he left he knew he was wrong. but he was easily manipulated into doing things even if he didn't want to like the partying, the groupies, the drinking, the drugs and when you do them a few times you get hooked and he couldn't stop.

he done them to be well liked, he done them to fit in with a crowd of people he hated, and now he had finally stopped doing them he felt like himself again. he felt like a person and he could actually hold a conversation without itching for the alcohol or the drugs.

"she's really sweet y/n and thank you for giving me a second chance to be her dad. i can’t describe how much it means to me" you squeezed his hands as a sign or reassurance. the both of you turned to the look at the stairs when you heard Penny was finally awake and walking down them, rubbing her eyes as she tried to wake herself up.

"morning sweetheart" you said as she walked into the living room, she yawned and looked to see both you and Eddie sat next to each other. "daddy" she squealed, she was definitely awake now. she ran to him and jumped into his lap making you pull your hands away so the two of them could hug.

"what are you doing here" she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck. you watched the two of them and your heart melted, it was adorable. "well i missed you so so so much i couldn't stay away. so me, you and mama are spending the whole day together and you get to decide what we do" Eddie ran his hand up and down her back as she cuddle into him.

"really?" her eyes widened and excitement filled her small body. her mum and dad would be spending time with her for the first time in forever, literally. it had been years since you and Eddie had spent a whole day with Penny and honestly you were excited.

she picked up her head from his chest and saw him nod. "what did you want to do then honey?" you asked, there were two obvious places she would pick. either the beach or the zoo, Penny loved the beach but she also loved the zoo so you were sure she would pick one of those.

"please can we go to the zoo? i want to see the giraffes" they were her favourite animals which Eddie actually didn't know. "well, why don't i help you get ready, that means mama can get ready and we will be out the door quicker?" Eddie looked at you and then back at Penny who was smiling widely.

"you still remember how to bath her?" you joked which Eddie only nodded. he remembered but it had been years since he had been this sort of environment. "i'll run her bath, you just have to wash her and wash her hair" with that you left Penny and Eddie downstairs to run her a bath.

"you excited baby?" he pushed her hair out of her face and kissed her cheek, he missed moments like this. she nodded, her dimples showing as she smiled. Eddie was excited to spend the day with the both of you, he hoped that you could act like a family again.

-

"mama, daddy look there's a baby giraffe there" she squealed, Eddie was holding Penny who was pointing to the baby giraffe who had just come outside from the enclosure was with its mum, she was filled with excitement. "yeah honey, it's a baby giraffe. isn't it cute" you stood next to her and stroked her cheek.

"it's so cute" she said, her eyes never leaving the two animals. "what makes them your favourite animal angel?" Eddie turned his attention to look at Penny who was practically mesmerised with the giraffes.

"they are just so cute daddy. oh and mama told me they are friendly" as Eddie listened to Penny talk he realised how much he had actually missed, when he left you Penny could only say a few sentences and most of the time he would be speaking to himself but now he could hold an actual conversation with her.

"that's right. they are friendly" he had absolutely no idea if they were friendly or not but if it made Penny happy knowing they were friendly he'd go along with it. "do you want to go see any other animals Penny? or do you want to stay here for a bit longer" the three of you had been staring at the giraffes for at least thirty minutes.

"can we stay here just for a bit? i just want to look at the baby for a little longer" you looked at Eddie who nodded "yeah we can. but only for a little bit though, we have other animals to see remember" he tickled her tummy making her laugh loudly and fall back into him.

the three of you stood watching the small giraffe run around the huge open field for a few more minutes before you and Eddie heard someone speak to him. "i'm sorry to interrupt you man but my son is the biggest fan of Corroded Coffin, would you mind if he got a picture with you? i know you're with your family but this would mean the world to him"

the two of you turned around as the man spoke and you smiled at his son who looked like he was holding himself back from running to hug Eddie.  he looked no older than 7 with his dad stood next to him and looked mesmerised by Eddie actually being in his presence.

the father held a grey polaroid camera "of course, you don't mind do you?" Eddie turned to let you hold Penny whilst he took a photo. "not at all" you held Penny who was still looking at the giraffes running around the field whilst Eddie knelt down next to the small boy.

"what's your name bud?" you heard him say as he hugged the young fan. "Ozzy" he seemed shy but watching the interaction was adorable. "woah sick name. i assume you're named after Ozzy Osbourne who is my personal favourite"

you turned back to look at the open field and kissed Penny on the cheek, you could hear Eddie talking to Ozzy and his dad. Ozzy and his dad were thanking Eddie for taking the time out of his day to even acknowledge them, let alone have a conversation and take a few photos with them.

"thank you again Eddie, you're amazing" with a quick hug from Ozzy and a handshake from his dad the two of them left to allow Eddie to get back to the two of you.

"he was adorable" you said as Eddie stood next to you. he nodded agreeing, opening his arms so he could take Penny back "yeah he was" he held Penny in his arms and kissed her forehead a few times. she didn't even feel the affection because she was still infatuated with the giraffes.

-

after a long day at the zoo you and Eddie decided it would be best if you went back to yours for dinner which had happened to be one of the best dinners any of you had. it was just the three of you being together, spending time with each other as you ate and talked about anything that came up.

it was nearing Penny's bedtime, spending the whole day with Eddie had made you realise your feelings for him hadn’t gone away. before he left he was an amazing dad, even if he was tired from work he would make the effort to look after Penny whilst you were able to do a few things for yourself and now that he had finally realised what he’d been missing out on he was becoming that amazing dad again.

you hated when you would see the newspapers where Eddie and a random groupie would be on the front cover, white powder on his nose with his already pale skin looking even paler. he just didn’t look like your Eddie and at that point he wasn’t anymore and it broke your heart.

you missed when the two of you would put Penny to bed and would watch her sleep in comfortable silence, she always looked so peaceful when she slept and it was crazy to the two of you that you both created such a beautiful baby, she was utterly perfect.

the three of you were sat on the sofa, Penny asleep whilst laying on top of Eddie who had cuddled her since the minute the three of you got home. “it’s getting late, you want to help me get her ready for bed?” you looked down at Penny who was snoring softly.

he nodded and stood up carefully making sure his grip was tight so she wouldn’t fall. the two of you walked up the stairs, you behind Eddie looking at the sleepy girls drooling on his shoulder.

once the two of you were in her bedroom you picked out her pyjamas and got her dressed, careful to not wake her up out of the peaceful slumber she was in. once she was dressed you laid her down in her bed and pulled the covers over her, tucking her in and with a quick kiss on her forehead you moved out the way so Eddie could say goodnight to her.

this was the first time in three years Eddie had been here to tuck her in and say goodnight. he knelt down to look at her, her curls where all over her face so he gently pushed them back and kissed her cheek, she sighed peacefully and that felt like your queue to leave her to rest.

Eddie didn’t want to leave though, he wanted to stay with the two of you and never leave again but he knew it didn’t work like that. the two of you went downstairs and a comfortable silence filled the space. “so, i guess this is my time to leave” he joked, scratching the back of his back awkwardly.

“you can stay for a bit if you want. maybe it would be good for us to talk?” he looked at you to make sure you were 100% sure and that he was actually hearing you correctly. “i- uhh, are you sure? i can leave if you want” you laughed and shook your head.

“i think it would be good for us to talk” you turned to walk to the living room and sat down on the sofa, knees brought to your chest. you could hear his sock covered feet following you and he sat next to you quickly after.

“we haven’t really had a conversation and i think it’s good for me to tell you now” you were still madly in love with Eddie and spending the little time you had together had made you realise it, you were with him for five years before you broke up and your feelings don’t just vanish into thin air.

he was confused at first, what was there to talk about? “i know you left me and i understand why you did, it was hard for me to get it at first but i do understand. but i do want you to realise that just because you left doesn’t mean my feelings for you just went away” he looked at you feeling guilty about the past.

“i’m not gonna sit here and say what you did was okay because it wasn’t. you hurt me a lot and you hurt your daughter. you had time to go and sleep with whoever you wanted and do whatever you wanted and i had to be strong and look after Penny all by myself. it was hard to see you not make an effort for her and what made it even worse was every time i did see you it hurt me so much because you didn’t even look like yourself” you felt your chin quiver as tears filled your eyes and his eyes glossed over with tears of his own as he listened to you talk.

“i always wanted to help you, i always tried to reach out to help you but i couldn’t get through to you and it hurt me to see you doing the stuff you did and i would see your face everywhere and i was trying to i guess grieve our relationship and i couldn’t. i didn’t want that to be the end of us Eddie because my feelings for you never went away. they never left my body and that’s why it hurt”

you both had a few tears rolling down your cheeks “i need you to know that i do love you, i love you so much Eddie and i can’t help how i feel. i would dream about how we used to be and i missed it, i missed you and if you don’t love me that’s okay i’ll live, but please don’t leave Penny again just because i told you this. she needs you” you sniffled and looked down at your knees, cheeks blushing as you wiped your tears.

“you have no idea how long i’ve been waiting to hear you say that” you looked up at Eddie how’s eyes were bloodshot, tears rolling down his cheeks which a huge smile on his lips, his dimples showing. he moved closer to you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, bringing you into him.

after three years of yearning for his love, his affection you finally felt his lips on yours. the kiss was filled with passion, filled with every ounce of love you had for each other.

“i love you so much” he said between a few small kisses you two shared. “i love you too” you spoke softly into the practically silent house. “i’m never leaving either of you ever again, i promise” he kissed you one more time, the two of you smiled into the kiss, it was like nothing had changed when you kissed each other.

in the space of a two months Eddie had changed for the better. he’d long forgotten the drugs, the alcohol, the groupies. god the words made him feel sick. he changed for you, changed for Penny and now the two of you could continue your life and expand your beautiful family.

#fanfiction #imagines #eddie munson #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #dad!eddie munson #dad!eddie x mom!reader #dad!eddie munson x reader #dad!eddiemunson #rockstar!eddie imagine #rockstar!eddie munson x reader #rockstar!eddie munson #rockstar!eddie #rockstar!eddie x reader #rockstar!eddie munson imagines

[turtletaubwrites]

I Knew It Would Hurt ~ Part 9

Pairings: Zoro x Fem!Reader, Sanji x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,715

This is part 9 of the Series 'We've All Got Needs,' linked below:

We've All Got Needs Masterlist

Ao3 Series Link

Summary: You're waiting for the boys to make their decision. Waiting is really fucking hard.

Rating/Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, Fem!Reader, 18+ Only, MDNI, Reader-Insert, Smut, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Relationship Discussions, Relationship Drama, Vaginal Fingering, Cunnilingus, Penis in Vagina Sex, I left out some tags to avoid spoilers but there’s nothing crazy if you’ve read this far already

A/N: Here's another rollercoaster, and it's the longest one so far! I'm super grateful for all of your interactions with this story. I've loved turning that little smut scene into this fun character dynamic, and I really hope you enjoy this next installment. Thank you!!

A soft knock at the door woke you, and for a moment you felt fine. Then you remembered. 

“I’ve got your breakfast, can I come in?”

Nami frowned when she saw you. She set your plate down on your desk, then pulled you into a hug.

“This whole thing seems like a lot of work. I’m here if you need me, okay?”

“Thanks, Nami. All I wanted to do was take a long shower, and now I might be breaking up with two people I’m not actually with.”

“Gotta be careful about those showers, they can fuck you up.”

You gave a laugh that might have been a sob before squeezing her tighter. 

“Love you.”

She pulled away, but grabbed your shoulders, leaning her face toward yours.

“Love ya too, weirdo. What do you need today?” 

“Um, can you bring me my field notes? Chopper knows where they are. I’m just gonna work in here today, I’m not ready to people.”

“Of course. I can bring you your other meals too if you want.”

Sighing as you nodded, memories of recent times in the kitchen fought you as you tried to shove them down. 

“Luffy really thinks you’re sick now.”

“He might not be far off. I feel like shit.”

After Nami came back to drop off lunch later, another knock came, freezing you on the spot. 

“Hi, it’s Robin.”

You cringed a bit, embarrassed for her to see you like this, but you let her in. Her eyes combed over you, lips pursing as she stepped inside. She kept a noticeable distance between you.

“Y/N, I came to apologize. I shouldn’t have been pushing you like this, I knew you were overwhelmed already. I’m so sorry I added to your struggle.”

“No, Robin, it's okay. You helped me! I really needed to hear what you said.”

Robin let out a breath, but her brows were still tensed. She looked down at the ground before meeting your eyes again.

“I shouldn’t have pushed myself on you. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

Her normally steady eyes looked heavy, a sight she rarely shows.

Reaching for her hand, you felt a gentle smile warming your face.

“I’m not sorry.”

Her lips curled up just a bit, and she squeezed your fingers gently. 

“I’m so glad to hear that… How about we wait on that date until everything settles?” 

You almost argued that you didn’t need to wait, but you realized that you did. 

“Thank you, Robin.”

She brushed a strand of hair from your face, and you breathed in her lovely scent.

“Thank you, Y/N. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll do what I can to calm the rest of the crew.”

The comfort that Robin's presence left you with made you feel safer, warmer. 

But it was as if that feeling of safety made room for your body to feel the rest. 

Sitting at your desk staring at your field notes, your vision started to blur. You had to close your journal to keep tears from staining your monographs.

You kept your sobs silent, not wanting anyone to hear. Then you remembered why you’d gotten so good at keeping your screams quiet lately. You had to cover your mouth as you choked, louder sobs escaping you now. 

Why did I do this to myself? I knew it would hurt. Just not this much, not so fast. I should have stopped. 

But you hated that thought. The thought of not enjoying the short time you’d had with both of them. The pleasures, the laughter, the growing warmth. You didn’t want to lose any of it, even if it would hurt less. 

You tried not to think about what choice they would make. The only one you wanted felt selfish. You’d get to have everything.

And if you didn’t get to have everything, then it would be nothing. You knew that even if one of the boys chose to leave, and one wanted to stay, you couldn’t continue with only one. There was too much heat between all three of you. You knew it would drive an even bigger wedge between them, potentially tearing them, and the crew apart. 

I can’t do that. 

So it was all or nothing, and your body was preparing you for the worst. 

A knock shook you from your spiral and you moved to the door, expecting Nami. Wiping your tears and shaking your arms, you checked.

“Who is it?”

“Hi, Y/N. I’ve got your dinner, and I didn’t eat any of it.”

Your eyes went wide, but you let your captain in.

“Thank you, Luffy.”

He walked right in, setting your plate on your desk before plopping on your bed. 

You stared, not sure what to say. He pointed to your desk chair, and you felt suddenly terrified as you sat and faced him. He watched you like he was sizing you up.

“Robin told me and Chopper why you’ve been weird.”

“O-Oh?”

“I’m the captain, Y/N. I need to know my crew is okay.”

Fear iced through you, and you stared into your lap. He should kick me off the crew. I’m splintering his best fighters, endangering everyone.

His hand stretched toward you, and he touched your shoulder until you met his eyes. 

“It all seems a little crazy to me.”

You let out a near panicked laugh before you caught yourself.

“Yeah, me too.”

“But you care about them?”

His deep eyes looked so soft, his voice intense.

“I do.” 

Nodding, he crossed his arms. 

“They care about you too, Y/N.”

You felt your lips shaking, heat rising in your throat. 

“As long as you care about each other, and keep fighting for your dreams, I’m happy.”

Hot tears spilled down your cheeks as Luffy started to smile. 

“Can you be happy too?”

Your lips pulled into a strained smile as you tried to stop your tears. 

“I’ll get there, Luffy. It’s just rough right now. But I’m glad you’re my captain.” 

Luffy was beaming at you now, then stretched to ruffle your hair. He leaned toward you, and whispered softly.

“Will you keep giving me the extra food Sanji makes you?”

You burst out laughing, and Luffy’s smile stretched even wider.

“Yes, captain!”

Luffy grabbed you in a hug, twirling you as much as he could in the small quarters. This is family. 

As he left he gave you one more serious look. 

“Y/N, please tell me next time something is hurting you. I’m your captain and I need to know.”

“I promise, Luffy.”

All the emotions of the day had you feeling empty, but now it was more pleasantly numb. Your biggest fear of losing your place on this crew, in this family, those fears were shrinking away from you. Soft tears of relief left your eyes now, and you tried to comfort yourself against the hurt of losing Zoro and Sanji. At least I won’t lose them completely. 

That thought brought back more of the pain, but you shook it off. It was getting late, and you wanted to get some air. Steeling yourself, you picked up your dishes and went down the hall, hoping to sneak them into the galley before sitting out on deck. 

You crept against the wall, listening to check if Sanji was inside or not before heading in.

But you heard two low voices. 

“You don’t know her like I do.”

“I care about her, Marimo. I care about her enough to share her with you. Can you say the same?”

You tried to force your body to turn around, to head back to your room, but all you could focus on was not shaking the plate and silverware in your hands. 

Your heart was in your throat, and you felt faint as you waited for what felt like hours for his response. 

“Yeah, I can, idiot cook.”

A gasping sob escaped you, and you tried to cover your mouth. Instead, you dropped your dishes, the plate shattering at your bare feet. You stared at the broken porcelain, and started laughing hysterically. 

“Y/N!”

They both rushed out, concern in their eyes. 

“Are you hurt?” “You okay?”

You were too out of it to respond, and kept laughing as they both tried to lift you. Zoro won, lifting you in his arms, while Sanji brushed along your feet and legs, checking for glass. 

Your breathing slowed as you felt Zoro’s racing heart, and you felt like you could fall asleep in his arms. He carried you into the kitchen while Sanji swept up the broken plate.

Zoro placed you gingerly in the booth, his brows furrowed as he looked you over. 

“Needy, please. Are you okay?”

You smiled at the nickname, and looked at them both as Sanji joined you at the table. 

“I’m okay.”

Neither of them seemed convinced, but you couldn’t explain the rush of relief and happiness that had just torn through your already overwhelmed system. But you tried. 

“I didn’t mean to. But I heard you.”

You felt your lips quivering again as they both seemed to soften. 

“It’s okay if you still need some time to think-”

“I don’t need time my love-” “I’m good, Needy-”

Your cheeks hurt from the smile that stretched your face, especially when they both grinned back at you. 

Then your mouth stretched further into the biggest, loudest yawn you’d ever felt.

“You need some sleep-” “Let’s get you to bed, dear-”

Zoro went to lift you, but Sanji tapped his shoulder. 

“You just carried her, It’s my turn now.”

“I’m not letting a pervert cook into her bedroom when she needs to rest.”

“Boys,” you commanded with another yawn. “Flip a coin or something please, I’m tired.”

Your yawns were mixed with tired giggles while you saw them rustling through their pockets. Sanji’s satisfied laugh, and Zoro’s grumble gave away the winner. 

Sanji lifted you gently, and you smelled cigarette smoke and spices on his jacket. Zoro followed close, opening the door, and hovering while Sanji set you in bed, drawing the covers over you. 

“Good night, darling-” “Good night, Needy-”

“Night, boys…”

A soft knock woke you, and for a moment you felt all that sadness. Then you remembered.

You sat straight up in bed, hoping that it wasn’t a dream.

“Who-Who is it?”

“Your favorite navigator, lazybones. Do you want to come to breakfast?”

You jumped out of bed, stumbling.

“Yeah, I’ll be right out!”

Your reflection looked dazed, and you slapped your cheeks a few times, laughing. You hurried to get ready, and had to stop yourself from racing down the hall. 

Everyone was there, already digging into their plates. They all turned to stare at you with teasing, or cheesy faces. Your face flushed, and you bit your lip before climbing into the empty spot Zoro had saved for you. You were next to him at the edge of the table, where Sanji stepped up to bring you what looked like a mimosa with tangerine blossoms for a garnish. 

“Hey, why don’t I get one of those?”

“Apologies Nami, dear. I will whip one up for you right away. Would you like one as well, Robin?”

“That sounds lovely, Sanji.”

“Hey, don’t hog the booze, waiter. Make me one of those too.”

“You haven’t earned it, moss hea-”

Everyone's clamoring voices died down as you burst out laughing, almost hysterical, but so full of joy and relief. 

Luffy grinned, stretching to hit your arm lightly with his fist, Chopper looked confused, Usopp was asking Sanji for his own mimosa, and Nami and Robin laughed with you. 

The boys had stopped arguing, and were both staring at you. Until your skin flushed red again, and your laughter hiccuped and faded. 

“Ugh. I love you, Y/N, but this is gonna get annoying real fast.”

You stuck your tongue out at Nami as she winked, and fell into quiet joy while you tried to listen to the group. 

Sanji kept bringing you delicious gifts, and you’d wink at Luffy so he could snag them. Each time Sanji came your way he would give you a soft peck on the forehead, or shoulder, or knuckles.

A low grumble moved through Zoro, but all he did was wrap his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his warmth.

Feeling like you were going to pass out, you didn’t even hear most of what the crew were saying while they teased you. 

You caught yourself doing your happy food wiggle dance, and couldn’t seem to stop, even humming now and then. The crew left the three of you there, and you didn’t hear their goodbyes, just beamed lazily at them.

Sanji brought his plate to the table, and cleared his throat until Zoro begrudgingly scooted over, dragging you with him to make room on the bench. Sanji winked at you before diving into his meal, and you just sat there wiggling, out of your mind. 

“I knew you were fuckin’ needy.”

You laughed while Sanji spluttered, and you patted his knee to calm him.

“What do you mean, Zoro,” you smirked up at him, teasing. 

“You know what I mean. So fucking spoiled.”

“Don’t listen to him, angel. You deserve to be spoiled, to be-”

Another bout of hysterical laughter left you, and eventually they joined in. 

Finally, you gained some control of yourself, and tried to hold a conversation. 

“I’m so happy you both chose to stay with me.”

You stopped them both from speaking at the same time, realizing that it would be difficult to get much done with all three of you in a room. 

“We definitely need to keep checking in, and figuring out boundaries. I don’t think my brain is up for that today though.”

“What are you up for, my dear?”

“Mm, I like this,” you sighed, rocking back and forth against each of their sides. 

You caught Zoro rolling his eyes, and you stuck your tongue out at him. 

“What about you guys? Your needs matter too here. What do you need?”

Neither spoke for a minute, and you played with your spoon. 

“I guess, um…”

You looked up at Zoro, desperate to hear him actually express his fucking needs. 

“How do we figure out time for just us?”

He said those words softly, and you knew how huge it was that he hadn’t said it with anger or frustration. You smiled up at him, then at Sanji who seemed to be waiting with rapt attention. 

“Well, we can always check in, and change things if the system isn’t working out. But how about for now we stick to alternating days? Not just for sex, but for our time together?”

They both nodded, Zoro slowly, and Sanji with an eager smile. You squeezed both of their knees before reaching for the last of your mimosa. 

You sat back, and they both tilted to see you better. You fought more laughter at what a lovely pair they made. 

“Y/N, dear-” “So who-”

They glared at each other, until Sanji did a small mock bow to let Zoro go first. 

Zoro’s mouth twitched as he looked away from both of you before continuing. He didn’t meet your gaze when he finished his question. 

“Who’s turn is it?”

Your lips parted, and you watched them both look guilty while they waited for you.

This is crazy. How did I manage this?

Zoro cleared his throat, leaning with his elbows over the table.

“Yesterday was supposed to be my day.”

“Technically we didn’t finish my day before that.”

“You’re really gonna pressure her ab-” “You’re the one that’s pressuring her Mari-”

“Technically today was supposed to be Robin’s day.”

Your words shut them both up, and it took way too much effort to hold in your satisfied smile at their expressions. 

Zoro looked shocked again, as if he’d blocked that out of his mind. Sanji’s fists had clenched, and you could see the veins in his neck and face throbbing as he turned bright red. 

You couldn’t help it. A small laugh escaped you. 

“Don’t worry, Robin and I decided to wait on our date until things are settled.”

You could have sworn you heard a tiny whimper from Sanji’s throat. 

“How about we start things fresh with a coin toss?”

They both reached for a coin and threw them in the air, calling out the choice. You laughed as they both lost their own tosses. 

“Let me do it.”

You’d grabbed Zoro’s coin, and tried to mimic them. You kept throwing it onto the table, or failing to catch it. The coin would drop on your lap, both of them reaching for your thighs to grab it for you, growling as their hands touched. 

“Gods, can you guys just agree on which one of you tosses the coin? Pretty please?”

Sanji ended up giving in to your wishes again first, letting the swordsman toss. Then Zoro swore as the coin fell in Sanji’s favor. Sanji kissed your cheek while Zoro left the table after rubbing along your shoulders.

“See ya later, Needy.”

“Wait!”

You rushed over to your surly crewmate. The man who had walked in on you in the shower, and declared that you should fuck. You laughed softly at how crazy your life had been since that moment. And you couldn’t be more grateful for it if you tried. 

“What,” he asked, his brows tensing as you laughed.

“It’s nothing,” you whispered, standing on tip toes in a silent request for a kiss.

His look of surprise deepened your smile, and he gripped the hair at the back of your neck when he pulled you to his lips. 

A soft cough sounded behind you, and Zoro hummed as he pulled away to smirk at the cook. You nudged him out the door. 

Turning around, you saw his eyes wide, waiting. You leaned toward him, feeling his soft lips kiss the corners of your mouth before pulling you into his arms to breathe along your ear. 

“All to myself?”

Sanji’s raspy voice made you moan, your body still so ready even with all that had happened. You almost felt high, like all the emotions had left your body buzzing. 

You looked up into his soft eyes, watching his lips part when he noticed how heavy your breaths were. 

“D-Darling. I didn’t mean… Let me-”

He froze when you gripped his arms to keep him from pulling away. 

“I want all sorts of lovely moments with you, Sanji, and I know we’re going to have them.”

The sweet smile that bloomed on his face made your heart dance in your chest for a moment, and you had to take a deep breath. 

“I don’t want you to feel bad if we start today where we left off.”

You let heat fill your eyes as you wet your lips. Sanji’s eyes seemed to be pulled to your mouth, and you saw his breath hitch. 

“A-Are you sure?”

Grinning at him, you nodded as you bit your lip.

He lunged toward your lips again, but you pressed your hands to his chest.

“Maybe we should go to one of our rooms now that everyone knows?”

You gasped as he looked at you like he was about to eat you. 

“That’s too far, sweetheart. How about I take you in the pantry?”

You’d barely breathed out your ‘yes,’ before he lifted you into the air. He pulled you so fast, but still managed to grip you in a way that was comfortable. Your arms and legs wrapped around him, and he groaned while you kissed and licked along his neck. 

Setting you gently in the walk in pantry, he held your face while he kissed you before rushing out. You tilted your head after him, but moaned when he returned with a condom and lube. Memories of your first time with him, and the sting and pleasure of his thick cock pulsed through you. Your eyes fell back in your head, and he gave a satisfied chuckle as he turned on the small light before closing the door. 

“My sweet, Y/N… How can I show you how special you are to me?”

“You can tell me all the filthy things you want to do to me.”

You pulled your panties off from under your skirt and threw them at his chest. 

Sanji had to catch himself against the wall as he moaned, almost dropping the lube. 

He already looked wrecked when he met your eyes, and it drove you crazy. 

“What do you want to do to me, Sanji?”

He was panting as he watched you pull your skirt up, so slowly. You took the condom and lube from him, and set them on a shelf.

Skin on fire, you didn’t know what had gotten into you. But you wanted him now, and you couldn’t stop yourself. You pressed yourself against his chest, looking into his blown out eyes. Both of you cried out when you dragged your hand along his length, already so fucking hard. 

“Sanji, I asked you a question.”

Your words came out soft and dark. You watched his eyes flutter, and you wanted to speed him up. Taking his hand in yours, you whispered his name before pressing his fingers into your wet folds. 

He moaned so loud, and your knees went weak. He had to catch you, then he pressed you against the wall, shoving two fingers into you.

“You are so fucking perfect. My sweet, dirty angel.”

Crying out at his praise, your body started shaking for him. 

“P-Please, Sanji.”

He rutted against your thigh when you begged, and the feel of his clothed shaft rubbing against you made you whimper.

“I can’t believe you’re letting me do this to you. Such a beautiful, lovely girl. And you’re letting me touch you like this, where anyone could find us.”

He moaned into your ear, breathing in the scent of your hair. 

You cried out his name, already feeling on the edge, ready.

“So gorgeous. Let me take care of you, angel. Let me make you feel good.”

“Yes, Sanji, please.”

He fell to his knees with a moan, tasting your needy cunt with that skilled tongue. His two fingers kept up their work while he swirled his tongue ring around your clit. 

You had already started shaking before he plunged that third finger into you, and then you were gone. You shoved your own fist into your teeth, and panted as you bucked against Sanji’s face, coming on his tongue. 

He licked you up like he was dying of thirst, while his three fingers kept prepping you. 

He looked up at you, face glistening in the small light. 

“You taste divine, my sweet.”

You moaned as his fingers kept working you. 

“It’s probably time for me to prep for lunch, darling.”

You whined, grinding on his fingers. 

He groaned, then checked his watch. 

“Please Sanji. We’ll have so many more times to play for longer. Please fuck me against the wall right now. I know how much your perverted mind wants you to.”

You moaned as Sanji’s hand twitched inside you, his head falling back as he moaned. 

“Please Sanji, I know you’ll take good care of me. Please, please fuck me now. I know you’d love it if someone caught us.”

He fell forward, mouth hanging open as his face pressed against your hip. 

He was still taking too long. 

You gripped your fingers into his hair, and pulled his face to yours. 

“Sanji, are you going to make me beg?”

You watched his eyes harden, and cried out as his long fingers worked you with even more strength. 

“A lady always gets what she wants in my kitchen.”

You moaned his name as he stood, kissing his way up your neck.

His fingers left you, and you clung to the wall as you watched him free his cock from his slacks before dragging the condom and lube down his length. 

He came toward you, and lifted your leg so that your foot rested on a low shelf. His hands trailed along your neck, then your thighs. Your back arched as he teased his shaft along your entrance, the size of him so warm against you. 

“I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

His whispers against your cheek while he dragged his tip along your clit made you shiver for him. 

“To have such an exquisite beauty, coming on my face in the pantry.”

You cried out, clawing at his shoulders. 

He slapped his thick cock against your entrance a few times while you moaned for him. 

“To have such a gorgeous pussy, aching for me to fill it.”

“Fuck, Sanji, please!”

“Of course, darling.”

Biting your lip, your head fell back as you felt him against your center. Not even pressed into you, and your body was readying. 

“That’s good, angel. Breathe for me. You know I’ll take care of you.”

You moaned for him, scratching your nails down his striped shirt as he pushed into you, so slowly. 

“Gods, Sanji-”

“Shh, darling. Just breathe, and take me, baby. I know you can, you’re so perfect for me.”

Your pussy clenched around him, and he thrust the rest of the way in as he moaned. 

“Sweetheart, you okay?”

“Y-Yes, Sanji.”

“Good girl… So perfect.”

As Sanji’s thick cock started pumping into you, slowly, then faster and faster, you forgot where you were, who you were. Just the sharp pain and pleasure of him inside you, and his endless, delectable words were all that held you to reality. His breath was hot on your face and neck as he panted his praise along your skin.

“Y/N, your pussy is fucking heavenly, baby. Fuck. Just like that, I feel you squeezing me so hard. You want my cock inside you, don’t you angel. You want me to make you feel so good, to take care of my perfect girl.”

“Yes, Sanji. Please take care of me.”

He moaned at that, shoving into you, thrusts becoming staggered. He reached down, massaging your clit while you gasped.

“So soft, so good for me…There you go darling- fuck, yes Y/N, milk my cock like a good girl- fuck-”

Sanji came into you with whimpered moans while you shattered around him. He had to hold your slumped body up, gingerly removing himself from you while you cried out. 

You whimpered as he pressed soft kisses to your face, before reaching for your panties on the floor. He gave you a satisfied smile as he used them to wipe you clean, before using them to clean himself off after removing that very full condom. 

You moaned while you watched him rub your panties on his cock, his eyes heavy lidded even after what you’d just done. 

“You’re gonna need to buy me some new panties if you keep taking all of mine.”

His breath came out heavy as he smiled.

“Oh I plan on buying you so many special gifts, my sweet.”

Miraculously, you made it out of the pantry with time to spare, even rushing for a quick shower before heading back to lunch. 

Even though it was Sanji’s day, it looked like meals were going to stay a shared time. You sighed as you leaned against Zoro, dampening his shirt with your still wet hair. 

“Y/N, do you know if we still have any yarrow? I remember you said it can be used to staunch bleeding, and I’d like to keep some on hand if we run out of our other supplies.”

“Y-Yes Chopper. I believe we do, but I’ll check after lunch.”

I really should get back to work at some point. 

But with Zoro’s warmth at your side, and Sanji’s wink while he started on dishes, you weren't sure how you were going to do that. 

Especially when you met Robin’s deep blue eyes, and saw her lips curve in that teasing smile. 

Who knows the next time we’ll be in danger again? I should enjoy this bliss for as long as I can.

Your selfish little smile at that thought felt oh so good. 

I guess I really am Needy after all. 

Thank you for reading! 💜

TurtleTaub Fanfic Masterlist

Part 10

Tag List: @astheni-a | @ferns-fics | @heilee | @iamn1ya | @ghostfacefricker6969

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think about where things have landed! I know I've been posting daily updates, but I'm visiting family for the next few days so it might be a couple days until the next one. Unless I get bored, I will be bringing a tablet and keyboard with me 😅

Buy me a coffee ☕🙏🏼

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