#even the perception of rejection makes me go crazy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

farfaras · 1 year

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Part 2.

What if Eddie moved on from thinking Steve and Nancy should get back together when Jonathan came back and saw how they’re actually destined to be together even tho they still have shit to figure out.

I know it’s a popular hc that Eddie and Robin clock each other immediately BUT I still think that as two queer kids in a small backwards town they’re more worried about no one finding out about them so they wouldn’t notice someone else. So worried about themselves that they (like straight people) also fall into the mindset of ‘everyone is straight until proven otherwise’.

What’s the result of this? Eddie seeing how close Robin and Steve are and thinking there must be something there. And because Steve is a little more affectionate than Robin, now Eddie thinks he’s pining after her.

“Why aren’t you and Robin together?”

“It’s not like that. She’s my best friend.”

“I don’t buy it.”

So now Steve has to put up with Eddie constantly going on about how Steve should just ask her out already, what’s he waiting for, she probably likes him back.

It bothers Steve to no end. He wished society had advanced enough to realize that men and women can be platonic friends without having to explain themselves.

A nightmare.

And Steve would never out Robin, so telling him the truth wasn’t an option. And he really wasn’t interested in dating anyone right now, so that was out of the question. What could he do to get Eddie to understand that him and Robin would never happen?

Then he remembered. It seemed so distant but Steve actually tried to tell Robin he liked her once. It was kinda embarrassing to think about now, specially because he saw Robin as nothing more than a friend now. He couldn’t even remember what having a crush on her ever felt like. And maybe he never even had one, shitty friends and shitty parents maybe warped his perception and then he couldn’t see the difference between platonic and romantic feelings. Well, that was for another day. He could tell the difference now. He thinks.

He could just tell Eddie about that moment in starcourt. He would just leave out the part about Robin having absolutely bad taste in girls. Foolproof. Eddie would leave it alone now.

“What? She just rejected you and then you decided to become her best friend?” He looked surprised, like the idea was impossible to understand.

“And I don’t regret it. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“You’re crazy.” Steve didn’t expect that.

“What do you mean?”

Eddie looked at him and his expression was hard to read. “You’re telling me that after being rejected you didn’t need time away? Just jumped to being a platonic friend? Despite your feelings?” He scoffed. “I could never do that.”

“It wasn’t that hard.”

“Now I know you’re lying. You still like her?”

Steve really tried to convince Eddie that he didn’t like Robin anymore. But no matter what he would say he didn’t believe him.

So Steve gave up.

Now he goes along with it. It’s easier. It stopped Eddie from trying to set them up or whatever.

Except it didn’t.

Now Eddie came up with the absolute great idea of making her jealous. Which was so so ridiculous Steve had to hold back laughter. He didn’t mention how much Robin had heard about past dates. This was beginning to amuse him just a little bit.

“How would I even do that?” Steve asked, curious as to what Eddie would come up with.

“You know? Let me think about this.” He made a show of putting his hand on his chin, contemplating. “Show up at work with some marks on you neck. You know, see how she reacts to that knowledge.” Steve knows how Robin reacts to that. Before Vecna, on his endless quest to find ‘the one’ (what a waste) he had some hookups. One time he went into work with one or two hickeys on his neck. Robin wouldn’t even bat her eyes, just would ask ‘who was it now?’ and then ask if he would see her again. The answer was no. Eddie didn’t know this.

“Yeah well, I really don’t feel like going on a date and hooking up with someone just to use it to bait a reaction. Seems kinda cruel to the other person.” Steve thinks that should be enough to shut this idea down.

“Huh. Maybe you’re better than me because I didn’t even think about that.”

Steve doesn’t reply, just snorts. And he thinks that’s gonna be the end of it. There’s nothing else Eddie can really do or come up with. Right?

Wrong.

“I could do it.” Did Steve hear that right? Huh?

“What?” Steve asked.

“Give you a hickey. It’s no big deal, really.”

If you asked Steve why he said yes. Man, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He really doesn’t know! It’s like someone possessed him and he was moving his mouth, but it wasn’t him. Maybe it was because he couldn’t come up with a reason not to do it fast enough that would convince Eddie.

They were both sitting on the couch so Eddie just leaned in and started on a spot on the left side of his neck. Steve’s hand instinctively moved to the back of Eddie’s head. One wouldn’t think so based on its appearance but Eddie’s hair was surprisingly soft.

Suddenly there were teeth scraping his neck. Steve let out a noise that he hadn’t heard before. He accidentally pulled a little on Eddie’s hair, he was gonna apologize but Eddie didn’t seem to mind, he just hummed.

“Did you just bite me?”

Eddie pulled back and sneered. “Sorry. I let my impulsive thoughts win.” What does that even mean?

Steve was gonna ask if that did it but then Eddie moved to his lap, straddling him. “What are you doing?”

“Getting the other side?” Makes sense? Honestly his mind was getting a little mushy and was only focusing on Eddie’s weight on him. When Eddie leaned in again, Steve’s hands traveled to rest on his hips. Eddie’s on his shoulders to have leverage, his hips hovering now.

Steve tipped his head back to give him a little more space. With more space Eddie seemed to be satisfied with that spot and moved lower, however this next one was sensitive to Steve, he’s always known that. He was gonna say so but he couldn’t, Eddie was already on it. He let out a breathy sound and gripped Eddie’s hips tighter making him slam back on his lap. He thinks Eddie moaned, he’s not sure tho. “Sorry.” He muttered.

He didn’t think he’d enjoy this.

He did.

Maybe he should put a stop to it.

He hasn’t so far.

It went on a little longer. Some hands wandering. Some sounds uttered. Minds getting floaty.

He knew it was coming to an end when Eddie started leaving kisses to soothe the spots, he trailed until he got to his ear. Which he actually licked. It was probably to make a joke but it only made Steve shiver.

“I think you’re done.” Eddie said. He hesitated a second before climbing off his lap.

Steve knew he looked winded. Eddie tried to look casual but he’s known him for a while and could see that it was feigned casualness.

“Uh. Good.” Lame. Steve is lame.

Mike Wheeler was right because Steve Harrington is lame.

How is he gonna explain this to Robin?

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jackles010378 · 5 months

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I can only speak the truth.......

( A mischievous Rowena puts a spell on Dean, which makes him reveal some hidden feelings he's had for a while)

After splashing his face with cold water, Dean stood in front of the mirror, staring at his own reflection. His face was a mask of frustration and confusion. He couldn't believe what had happened to him. A simple spell from a mischievous witch had turned his world upside down.

It all started one fateful night when the Winchesters found themselves in a tiny, isolated town in the middle of nowhere. They had been on a routine hunt, or so they thought. Little did they know, this hunt would be unlike any other.

While investigating strange occurrences in the town, Dean stumbled upon an ancient book. Its pages were filled with cryptic symbols and incantations, tempting him to test his luck. Curiosity got the better of him, and he recited a spell without fully understanding its consequences.

Instantly, a surge of energy coursed through Dean's body, leaving him disoriented and vulnerable. Unbeknownst to him, the witch had cast a truth spell, one that would force him to reveal his deepest, darkest secrets.

Dean's heart pounded in his chest as he realized the gravity of the situation. He couldn't lie, deceive, or hide his true feelings any longer. The spell had stripped him of his defenses, leaving him exposed to the world.

The first person Dean thought about was Y/N. She was their longtime friend and occasional ally on their dangerous hunts. Deep down, Dean had always considered her more than just a friend. There was an undeniable connection between them, but he had never mustered the courage to confess his feelings.

Now, with the truth spell hanging over him like a Damocles sword, Dean knew he couldn't hide it any longer. He had to face his feelings head-on, no matter the consequences. But the fear of rejection and the potential fallout weighed heavily on his mind.

He sought solace and guidance in Sam, his younger brother. Sam was the yin to his yang, the voice of reason in their tumultuous lives. With a heavy heart, Dean revealed the truth to Sam, confessing his feelings for Y/N and the predicament he found himself in.

Sam listened intently, his brow furrowed in concern. He could see the internal struggle Dean was going through, torn between the desire to be honest and the fear of losing their friendship with Y/N. Sam, ever the compassionate soul, offered his support and encouragement.

Days turned into weeks, and Dean found himself increasingly drawn to Y/N. Every time he saw her, his heart skipped a beat, but he couldn't find the right moment or the courage to tell her the truth. The spell continued to plummet him into emotional turmoil, heightening his desire to break free from its clutches.

One evening, as they sat in the bunker's library, researching a case, Y/N looked up at Dean, eyes filled with concern. She sensed something was off, a storm brewing behind the facade he usually wore. Y/N had always been perceptive, attunded to the Winchesters in ways that even they couldn't comprehend.

"Dean, are you okay?" she asked, her voice laced with genuine worry.

Dean hesitated, debating whether to stick to the safe path or to take a leap of faith. Something in Y/N's gaze pushed him towards honesty. He took a deep breath and, for the first time, bared his soul to her.

"Y/N, I have to tell you something," he said, his voice filled with a mixture of trepidation and longing. "I... I've always cared about you more than just a friend. These feelings... They've been driving me crazy."

Y/N's eyes widened, surprise and curiosity flickering across her face. She opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a sudden gust of wind.

In walked Rowena, the witch responsible for casting the truth spell. She smirked, clearly enjoying the drama that unfolded before her. Dean's heart sank as he realized that she had been watching their entire conversation.

"You Winchesters never cease to entertain," Rowena chuckled, her voice dripping with mischief. "But fear not, Dean. The spell has served its purpose. You are free, and so is your heart."

Dean's confusion grew as Rowena explained that the truth spell was never meant to harm him but to push him out of his comfort zone, to face his emotions head-on. She had hoped it would be the catalyst for change, for the Winchester brothers to embrace vulnerability and honesty.

As the spell dissipated, Dean felt a weight lifted off his chest. He and Y/N could finally explore the uncharted territory of their emotions without the interference of magic. They both realized that their connection went far beyond friendship, and the truth that Dean had revealed was finally reciprocated.

From that day forward, Dean and Y/N's bond deepened, their shared experiences and newfound honesty strengthening their relationship in ways they had never imagined. They faced demons, monsters, and the unknown together, knowing that they had each other's backs both as hunters and as lovers.

And as for Rowena, her mischievous grin never left her face. She had accomplished her goal of helping Dean confront his deepest secrets, proving that sometimes, even a witch's spell could be a catalyst for truth and love.

TAGLIST: @k-slla @cevansbaby-dove @kaleldobrev @janineb86 @deans-daydream @alternativeprincess94 @tmb510 @nescavaneck

#jensen ackles #dean winchester #supernatural #jackles #jensen ross ackles #spn cast #soldier boy #deanwinchtser #jensen ackles gifs #beau arlen #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fluff

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yanxidarlings · 6 months

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YANDERE ZACHARIAS SMITH HEADCANONS

okay so i'm supposed to be writing theo headcanons but I haven't got inspiration for him rn so here's my current hp fixation.

once again a special shout out to chat gpt for being there for me when fanfiction writers weren't. but honestly most of my headcanons for him are my own perceptions of him so yay for originality.

as i was saying in my last post "this dude cares only for his chosen darling and literally no one else" when i tell you he's a devoted yandere- his darling could ask him to commit the most horrid atrocities, they could be the most selfish unlikable person in hogwarts (only second to him, of course) and he'd still worship the ground they walk on. once he's become obsessed, there's no going back.

zacharias's infatuation with his darling develops so quickly, whether he meets his darling at hogwarts or if he's known them since childhood; there's just something about them when he meets them. it lingers in the back of his mind, what are they doing, who are they talking to, what are they thinking about are they thinking about him. after some self reflection, he comes to a conclusion; they've given him a love potion.

it makes so much sense! his darling is too shy to tell him they want his attention, and so resorted to underhanded methods. it's fine, zach isn't not mad. once he comes to this realisation, he'll begin to insert himself into their life; but obsession or not, he isn't exactly great company, so his presence will be more of an annoyance to his darling than anything.

even if his darling expresses their discomfort or explicitly rejects him, zacharias refuses to accept it. he's convinced that they secretly love him and continues to pursue them relentlessly.

zacharias just always seems to say the wrong things. always seems to pry and cross boundries. but no matter what his darling says, he thinks they're just playing hard to get; a part of him knows they aren't, but he doesn't care about their comfort that much. sure he wants them to be happy but he'd rather they suffer with him than be happy without him.

as a yandere, zach wants to know his darling inside and out, the idea that they aren't sharing their every thought with him drives him insane. he pry's until they detail every moment of their life before meeting him and when he isn't around. as if he leaves them alone after becoming obsessed.

there is no boundry zacharias won't cross, his darling has no privacy whatsoever - but on the bright side, he doesn't force his darling to follow him to the bathroom or skip their classes they don't have with him, he'll put his basic needs on hold if it means staying attached to his darling at the hip.

seriously. if zacharias's darling decides they want to stay awake for 2 days straight, then as exhausted as he is, he's staying up with them. he'll vocalise his discontent, but refuses to sleep if his darling isn't.

he often daydreams about a future where he and the person are together forever, ignoring any signs of their discomfort or fear. these fantasies become increasingly ✨ disturbing ✨ and detached from reality.

ironic as it is, zacharias is a coward when it comes down to it. he won't hurt his rivals; he'll convince his darling to. he relies on the mental instability of his darling to isolate them from their loved ones.

zacharias is overwhelmingly possessive, doesn't matter if his obsession is romantic or platonic, he just can't stand it knowing his darling is close to other people. so he'll sabotage every relationship they have; he'll convince them he's the only one they can trust, the only one truly loyal to them, the only one that understands them.

his yandere tendencies are on display for the whole world to see, which is why, despite being pretty goddamn crazy, he's no where near as threatening as draco or even anthony because everyone knows how obsessed he is with them.

#yandere harry potter #yandere zacharias smith #yandere hp #zacharias smith #hufflepuff #yandere hufflepuff #yandere golden era #hp writings #yandere hogwarts #fancast; miles heizer #this doesn't even crack the surface but the rest of my headcanons are situation-specific so i'll save them for another post #zacharias smith x reader #zacharias smith imagine #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction

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wannaeatramyeon · 1 year

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Do you write for Seo Haesu? even though he hasn't appeared much, that boy really drives me crazy 😭

I literally had to go back and reread some chapters to remember who that guy is. You can see I gave him a lot of thought lol. That boy is a blank canvas to me though. You probably can't tell with the shit I come out with but I do attempt to stay in character (key word is ATTEMPT) and he's too much of a mystery right now. Hey, having a shit imagination isn't a crime >:(

Anyway, have some fresh brainfarts... and thanks for the ask anon!

Some Seo Haesu bs (I can't in good conscience even call these headcanons)

I swear to god PTJ loves the 'i can fix him' trope.

What you making all these morally grey characters with sad backstories for?

What is there about Haesu? Well for one we know this guy just wants to eat. Hobin shared a meal with him once at that academy and they're bff. Literally the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Some parallels with Johan Seong (Lookism). I've seen Haesu described as a cat - definitely true. A stray cat vs a wild pup.

Haesu just wants a decent life, and to eat and sleep. This man is all of us.

Opposite in other ways - he's not reckless or childish and he is perceptive. Haesu is calm and collected, weighing up his options. But nowadays, what he wants he usually gets. Violence has a way of forcing people's hands.

Surprisingly doesn't bite the hand that feeds though, considering Hobin a friend even after the rejection.

IMO, VERY easy to break with kindness (like many of PTJ's fools).

Like I said, he just wants some good fuckin' food. He may have jinho on his side now but old habits die hard. You're just sitting there mid mouthful and this kid steals your food? "Im hungry" Tsk. Look at him in his scrubby clothes and overgrown bangs. You and your stupid weak heart. "Fine - take it. Have more. Are you full yet? Shall I put another order in?"

Or he had some sort of life up to 14, however pitiful it was. Imagine if you and your family were his only escape to whatever dreadful home life he had, kept him clothed and well fed until he's had enough of your charity... And had enough of being a burden. It's easier to go to juvie and that's what he chooses.

In both these instances, it's not that he seeks you out while working under Jinho but he can't figure you out. Nothing in his life is free, and kindness always comes with a hidden agenda - at least in his experience. So what's up with you?

#seo haesu #haesu seo #how to fight #how to fight headcanons #how to fight webtoon #how to fight manhwa #viral hit #viral hit headcanons #viral hit webtoon #viral hit manhwa #viral hit x reader #vhit #wannaeatramyeon

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psychewritesbs · 2 months

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Crazy how loads of people from this fandom lacks faith in Megumi yet you've got the strongest sorcerer of today and the strongest sorcerer in history simultaneously vouch for him.

Gojo confidently believing Megumi will push through and know the truth about his father.

Sukuna, who pushed Higuruma and recognized his talent yet still said he wasn't anything special, but for some reason he never exhibited that kind of attitude to Megumi despite screwing with him over and over. It begs the question, what it is that they see in him doesn't it? Yet people prefer to ask dumbly why Megumi is acting the way he does as if the reason hadn't been made clear since the beginning.

And can we talk about the blatant hypocrisy in this fandom? People are comparing him to Yuji as if what he's going through is any different than that of Yuji in Shibuya. Did they conveniently forget how Todo had to step in and talk no jutsu Yuji to pick himself up cause he was so down in the dumps?

There's also the rampant complaints about characters not reacting emotionally to deaths and yet we have a character right now, whose reacting emotionally to the death of a loved one yet they're chastising him for it? Which is it really?

Welcome to jjk-confessions Sunday, not on a Sunday as per usual.

I'm going to repackage your ask and frame it using the following formula:

Megumi = the shadow.

The shadow = the repository of repressed or rejected aspects of our personality.

TLDR; Megumi catches very interesting projections to say the least.

Like potential man isn't even a bad meme tbh, because he is potential man. That's Megumi. But like, it's the attitude towards the idea that he is having such a hard time reaching his potential (something that is VERY understandable given his backstory and how that affected his sense of self).

I swear every time I see something bad about Megumi (other than "I just don't like him", "he doesn't speak to me", or "I couldn't get invested because xyz was missing from the narrative--that is actually lacking"), there's always some sort of rejection of vulnerability at the core of it.

Which as I have said only like 350,068,023 million times already I've been keeping track, Megumi rejects his vulnerability.

So when I see a lot of the comments about Megumi, what I see is the complete rejection of one's humanity if I'm honest. Like, everyone in jjk is being shown to have some kind of very flawed perception of the world, and for some reason Megumi picks up projections around being a bitch for someone, being weak, pathetic... do I keep going?

And this is all so interesting to observe because he is such a beautiful character when you take the time to understand him. Gege cooked with Megumi.

Idk, I can't help but feel like it's interesting how Gege keeps breaking the 4th wall with jjk, and Megumi is one of the ways he's doing it. And idk about y'all, but I think he's very conscious of how he directs his energy towards the fandom.

idk how to explain well. Hopefully that makes some sort of sense lol.

Anyways. Thanks for sending a letter in anon. We remain strong.

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

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starryevermore · 2 years

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not so hard ✧ steven grant, marc spector, & jake lockley

angst city™ library | send in a request (consult request faqs first)

request: Steven/Marc having a huge crush on the reader - Marcs more calm about it and stevens like nope can’t talk to them - and then Jake just gets fed up like … “hi reader, I just wanted to let you know, Steven and Marc have a huge crush on you - and so do I - and we were wondering if you’d like to go on a date because these two cowards have been annoying for months” fluff? - anon

pairing: steven grant x fem!reader x marc spector x jake lockley

summary: jake finally asks you out after marc and steven keep skirting around the issue.

word count: 1,021

warnings?: kinda bad but oh well, pet name (princess), not proofread

Jake Lockley was really getting sick of their shit. For the most part, Jake didn’t mind taking the back seat. He was fine with only coming out and fronting when he was needed. And, truthfully, his skillset wasn’t needed very often. Marc by and large was able to handle things himself and, now that Steven had grown a bit more confident in his fighting abilities, Steven didn’t really need someone stepping in. So, Jake didn’t need to front unless there was the rare moment when either Steven or Marc couldn’t go all the way.

And this, it seemed, was one of those moments.

Except, Steven and Marc weren’t fighting a bad guy. They were acting as Khonshu’s fist of vengeance. They weren’t having to defend themselves. Nope. This was something completely, and utterly, normal, and it almost made Jake feel like he was in middle school, only recently finding out that girls don’t have cooties and that, actually, it might be kinda nice to have a girlfriend. Because that was exactly how Marc and Steven were acting.

Truthfully, Jake could understand it. Because, well, he liked you, too. You were, to put it simply, the most amazing woman any one of them had ever met before. You were kind, you were crazy intelligent, you were witty, you were funny. It was like someone had taken everything all three of them could ever want in a partner and wrapped it all up nice and neatly with a bow in you. But every. single. time. he tried to make a move, Steven or Marc would suddenly front and stop Jake from asking you out. Which was beyond frustrating! Because all three of them liked you! So rarely were they all on the same page and yet Steven and Marc refused to ask you out?! God, it made Jake want to fucking scream.

Especially now, as Marc was talking to you at the supermarket.

“So, uh,” Marc coughed awkwardly, leaning against a shelf but nearly falling over as he miscalculated the distance between him and the shelf.

“Shit, you okay, Marc?” you asked, reaching out to steady him.

Marc’s face burned, ducking his head down so you couldn’t see his pink-tinted cheeks. He coughed again. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. They must’ve been rearranging things in here again. Could’ve sworn that shelf was two inches closer.”

You let a quiet laugh. Oh, Jake loved your laugh. He wanted to make you laugh all the time. “Or maybe you just have bad depth perception.”

Before Marc could even respond, Steven fronted, blinking owlishly, before saying, “Sorry, love, err—I mean, Y/N, ‘cause that’s your name, not love, but, uhhh, we gotta head out now, yeah? Forgot that I had a shift this weekend! But we’ll see ya ‘round, yeah?”

“Wait—”

But Steven was gone, practically sprinting out of the store. And as the man ran off from the woman all three of them adored, Jake heard you mutter, “The museum’s closed today.”

What the hell was that!? Jake snapped as Steven ducked into an alley, trying to steady his breathing.

“What was that? That was me trying to avoid us being humiliated!” Steven said. “Look, I like what we’ve got going with Y/N right now. She’s a good friend. I don’t want to lose that when we inevitably make things awkward by asking her out when she’s not interested! When she rejects us, nothing will ever be the same again. And I can’t lose her. I just can’t.”

You have to try.

“No, I don’t. I don’t have to do anything. I don’t want things to change—”

Marc jumped in, Jake, look. Steven and I are fine just being friends with her—

Well, I’m not! We all love her. And I know she loves us too. She’s been waiting for one of us to make a move, and it’s not fair that we’ve been making her wait so long, Jake said. Look, how are you two going to feel when she moves on and dates someone else? When she marries someone else? Are you guys really going to be okay with it? Or are you going to wallow in self-pity and kick yourselves for missing out on something great?

Neither of them answered.

I can you right now, I’m not waiting. I’m going to make the move. And neither one of you can stop me.

Jake fronted, taking a moment to calm his nerves. While he may have had more confidence about this entire thing than Marc and Steven, he still worried a little bit that this could ruin everything. But, dammit, he needed to try. He had to.

He walked back to the store, hoping that you were still there. And, thankfully, you were, still browsing the cereal aisle that Steven had left you in. Jake walked up to you, clearing his throat when he was a few feet away.

You jumped slightly, whipping around to look at him. “Hey! I thought Steven had to go to work?”

“He was lying, princess,” Jake said. “You make him a bit nervous.”

Your brows furrowed together. “Oh. I don’t mean to. If, if there’s anything I can do to make him more comfortable—”

“You make him nervous because he has a massive crush on you,” Jake said, ignoring Steven’s grumblings. “So does Marc. And so do I.”

“Oh.” You titled your head, blinking slowly. “All three of you like me?”

“Yes.”

“And…and what are you going to do about it?”

“I’m going to take you out to dinner tonight. I’ll get us a reservation at that restaurant you were talking about the other day. I’ll tell you the time as soon I book the reservation.”

You smiled slightly. “You’re more forward than Marc and Steven.”

“Only ‘cause I can’t wait any longer for them to get their shit together. So, what do you say? Will you go to dinner with me?”

You took a step towards him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. You leaned towards his ear, whispering, “I would love to.”

Now, see, that wasn’t so hard, now was it?

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mindcology · 1 year

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#domesticviolence #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #npd

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quantumshamana · 2 months

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Instincts

content warning: childhood sexual abuse

Well, shit.

My instincts are my superpower.

As a child I was trained very hard not to trust my instincts, but my instincts are pretty strong and when I listen to them good things happen.

As it turns out, I'm sad when I ignore my instincts. My desires are telling me the things that I need. A cat. Marijuana. Musical instruments.

I see repeating numbers constantly. It fascinates me. They give me comfort. I haven't quite known what to make of them. I've been taking them as an indication that I'm being guided down the right path by some spiritual entity, but what if it isn't that?

What if the numbers do mean that I'm going down the right path, but it's simply my instincts and how they are detecting whether or not I'm proceeding down the path I need to go down.

This implies a lot about the world. First, that there's even a path to be guided down. Second, that you can find it. Third, it means that humans do have some form of extrasensory perception, which feels absolutely WILD to type let me tell you.

Somehow, it's related to how my brain makes sense of the world. It is the interface through which my instincts are speaking to me. The numbers are standing out to me because they are important. I'm not going crazy; this is just how I interpret the world.

I've been living my life as if my instincts are wrong, as if I am wrong. About literally everything that I think. But that's the wrong mindset.

The pick-up artist dudes from the late oughts, who, in spite of their problematic-at-the-time attitude towards woman, were right on a few things. They always said to assume attraction. I've long felt that this could be because when you assume things through the lens of attraction, you act differently. If the reality that you live in is a reality that this woman you're talking to is overwhelmingly into you then you'll behave differently than if you are in a reality where a woman is just not into you. It won't change the other person's desires if they aren't ever going to give you a shot, but in those cases where it could go either way it will absolutely give you an edge.

My instincts keep telling me things that feel weird. To get high and record my thoughts and sell them. To start a religion. To stream my day-to-day existence online. That things with my current romantic partner are temporary. I need to accept these things I feel rather than fight them because they are how my brain wants to interact with the world. I was trained to ignore my instincts because...reasons? I have no idea what my early childhood was like, but the indications I"m getting aren't great. Christianity was all about ignoring the body, and that's before you add in the negative training about my body from the molestation.

As a teenager I had a strong desire for a girlfriend and I was incredibly frustrated and depressed because I didn't know how to go about getting one. I approached girls constantly as my family traveled from city to city and got rejected every time. Because it happened every time, I began anticipating the rejection. I had assumed that because it wasn't changing that I wasn't improving and I was just bad at it.

I did not understand the some skills take longer than others. The idea that I'm not going to understand something quickly means that I should give up on it seems like an idea conceived by an immature consciousness. I know cognitively that this isn't true and can point to many occasions where practicing something I was bad at led to positive outcomes. The fact that I believe this on a deep level implies that this was something I decided was true about the world at a very young age.

If I hadn't gotten discouraged and had continued to pursue these girls I met, I would have figured it out. I had a core belief at the time that because it wasn't improving at all that I wasn't meant to do it.

I really want to tell my teenage self that all it meant was that I didn't need to approach them that way. Cold approaches are very hard and I didn't even understand how to form friendship. I was trying to do a black diamond when I hadn't conquered the bunny hill.

The reason I'm dissatisfied with the women that I wind up with is that I instinctually understand that they do not have what I'm looking for.

I learned very early on as a small child that following my desires always ended in disaster. Following my desires was meant to be avoided at all costs and it was good to spend as much energy as possible fighting those desires. This is not meant to be a core belief.

This is likely something ingrained into me in early childhood and so deeply that I thought that it was a core directive. Following my instincts as an adult is how I find happiness.

That is why my subconscious has been pushing me to embrace my instincts, because they are good and I understand how to use them. They can lead me to the things that I desire. It's why I felt shitty during a business deal I got into a few years back. This dude was paying me to do some work for him and telling me these amazing things. His checks cleared and I had no reason to doubt him but I felt in my gut that he couldn't be trusted. And in the end he screwed me over. My instincts were right.

As an adult, my instincts are the key to my success and I need to follow them. They are my cheat codes and my superpower.

I really do see things that other people don't see. That doesn't mean that I'm crazy, it means that I have an advantage. Time to start taking advantage of it.

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davenusianastronaut · 3 months

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Angels Speak to Me

This might sound crazy but angels talk to me while I sleep. They whisper sweet nothings in my ear but it really is something. I am just realizing it And at that moment it makes so much sense what's going on but when I wake up , it makes no sense and I can't even remember what they said. It's as if while I am sleeping they give me the answers to fix every single problem then when I wake up I can't recall it to save my life. It is pretty amazing how it goes.

I have a lot going on in life right now. Cash App stole all my money from my account and they are refusing to give me my money back. I am fighting with them tooth and nail. I have no money and I am out of town. I have no family nor friends but it is as if the Divine is taking care of me. They are making sure I am ok. Everything always falls in place no matter how bad it may seem around me and I have God to thank for that. The Heavenly Father that is. No I'm not a Christian. I am not religious one bit. I just have a special connection to the Heavens. I am from the Heavens. That's a secret so shh.

Because I am from Heaven I have a lot of dark entities trying to destroy me. They are trying their best to make me destitute and God will not allow it. I am so grateful and blessed because at this point it is out of my control. The things that are happening around me. I have a higher calling and Satan is trying is hardest to dim my light. It's not going to happen. Satan is weaker and has no authority over what God says. That is why it is always best to go with the winning team. God-Heavens.

People who choose Satan do so because hell, I don't know lol. I will NEVER understand choosing dark over light. Up until now I didn't even know there was an option to not choose God. I never thought of it but now that I am being exposed to the world I see that there are people who rejected God. I imagine they look at unfortunate events and think that God doesn't love them but in reality the things that happen to us is to make us stronger and make us wiser and to build us not to tear us down. It is to expand your soul and make you appreciate and be more thankful not to make you bitter and angry.

All the evil things that ever happened to me only built my relationship with God to be more stronger and brought us closer. I have never not benefited from something bad happening to me. You have to change your perception of life. Stop being negative. I appreciate Satan for one reason, he brings me closer to God. If you don't think God exist, he absolutely does,. He has shown himself to me so many times and he has protected me against evil so many times. I am supposed to be dead right now, I am supposed to be dead right now, and yet here I am.

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malediictus · 3 months

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this post has been on my mind nonstop for days weeks even mostly because i have a lot of thoughts on the enemy video and i need to yell abt it but also. ALSO. i really wanna talk about how it's implied vi has gotten aggressive / violent with powder before because it's making me go crazy

and it's NOT in a "blame vi" kind of way because we're talking about a kid brought up in an apartheid city who watched her parents murdered by the police to protect the state vi has trauma stacked on trauma she's got grief she hasn't even begun to resent yet but it makes me think a LOT about trauma in general and how both vi and powder express it

on the surface powder is more demonstrative of her feelings while vi seems to repress them, but i think that's such a surface interpretation - i think they've internalized and restricted themselves into what they see as acceptable roles / outlets for their grief. powder is openly clingy and desperate for acceptance and recognition, but she also internalizes a massive amount of the scorn she gets from mylo and the rest of the kids. she's hesitant to express a massive portion of her feelings, even to vi, because powder's sense of inferiority is so massive it often eclipses her love and kindness, it drives her into spontaneous and reckless danger.

vi, on the other hand, uses violence as an outlet to express rage and frustration and grief, and it's not a bad outlet! but it's also not sufficient, because there are people she can't fight, there are problems she can't punch away. and i think a massive part of the conflict between jinx and vi stems from when powder was desperate for vi's approval, and vi was overwhelmed with responsibility and trauma, and the two clashed in ways that could end with vi being aggressive or physically overpowering.

i don't think vi deliberately hurt powder or physically harmed her, but there is a level of fear and trauma when you are up next to someone who you KNOW is stronger than you, someone you yourself don't want to fight. powder grew up in a world of violence where physicality was the law and the rule of thumb, who was constantly manhandled by enforcers and people who did not care for her safety. vi is powder's safe space and her most intrinsic bond, but she is not fully safe. there is still some aspect of vi that is a threat, that is considered a risk to powder, and they probably don't realize it or acknowledge it, but it is there. it's why vi's final rejection of powder is the most brutal - it physically and verbally and emotionally demonstrates to powder that her bonds are not safe, that she is not worthy of love or protection. it's a warped perception but it's there.

#( IV. ) OOC. / I WANT YOU TO LOSE LIKE I LOSE WHEN I PLAY.#im lying on the floor staring into the void thinking abt the rule of violence #how trauma becomes the seed that grows a garden you don't remember planting #will probably come back to reformat this / rewrite it i am just. lost in the sauce (the sauce is crying)#abuse //#ask to tag //

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hesitantxxdelinquent · 10 months

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Getting back to his blog again after a few years, I feel like it would be fun to dive into Yuuto as a character since he plays a huge part into Mao's struggles and behavior as well as his catalyst into breaking away from his chains to join a rebellion against the rotten desires of mankind.

Yuuto Fujimori, a narcissistic, prideful, smug bastard; easy to hate, complex to understand.

Yuuto gorges himself on the sin of pride; he builds everything in his world in his image. His expensive wardrobe is endless, his physique is immaculate, the public adores him, and he has a son that bares striking resemblance to him. Everything has to be perfect in this way or else it ruins the illusion not of himself not to the public, but how he views himself period.

Yuuto, while a disgusting creature of a man, at the end of the day is just…some guy. He pays his bills, he eats 3 meals a day, he deals with traffic, he reads the paper just like anyone else. As much as he sees himself through these grandiose rose tinted glasses, he just can't stand the idea of him just being like anyone else around him; it shatters his perception of this godly figure he sees in the mirror. But where did this all start?

Well, since P5 failed us with cutting out the Will Seed cutscenes, let me add insight with Yuuto's memories.

Growing up he had, surprise surprise, good parents. They provided for him financially and emotionally; sure they're traditional but they did good by him at the end of the day. That being said, Yuuto also had a normal childhood. The only notable difference is that there's a Uni established by his family for generations; unfortunately, that's where it started.

Yuuto was naturally gifted with knowledge, added onto his father being a very wise man. He picked up academics quicker than others which, naturally, garnered praise. In his early years, he was praised endlessly by his classmates, teachers, and parents. He was used as the perfect example as a student all the way until high-school. This was when he realized there's others that can be better than him; So, craving the spotlight, he worked hard to outdo everyone around him. But even here isn't when the switch flipped he was simply an arrogant teen at this point. He naturally went onto college to do the same and graduated and went into the working world.

This was when things started to turn sour.

To become the president of a uni, usually you would have to start as a professor and make your way up to a dean then a president not to mention you have to compete with other coworkers that wants this opportunity and you would have to be approved by a board. Yuuto was under the assumption that his father would immediately pull him into their family's uni as a professor; however, his father did not wish for Yuuto to be coddled with the instant gratification of being pulled just because they're related. He wished for his son to taste the real, grounded, world and go out and get a job on his own and gain skills you can't learn by sitting in a classroom. Yuuto obviously had the medal to push himself all these years ; he was reasonably well equipped to handle himself as an adult…But that's not what Yuuto saw.

What he took from his father wishing him to learn life skills on his own was, in his eyes, a betrayal. How dare he take away his birthright? Why should he have to go about the common folk for a job!? He's clearly better than them, his peers growing up could easily attest to that! What didn't help was the constant rejection no matter where he went; it wasn't that he wasn't good…just not as good as the next guy…

Of course, Yuuto eventually landed a job at a school..a grade school. He grinned and bared his years there, being (what he felt) subservient to his coworkers as he eventually landed a job in a high school, then a college now that he had previous years of experience under his belt. Finally, his father offered him a position as a professor in the family's uni, which drove Yuuto crazy, to say the least.

Just a professor? Hasn't he done enough this time!? He expected to be bumped up to Dean at this point!

And just as things got sour, it turned downright bitter….

Yuuto bided his time, smiling in his family's and students' faces as he played his role as professor for a few years until…well…'suddenly' President Fujimori caught ill.

The man was old enough as is, this kind of sickness could just kill him!

Yuuto's mother and father moved far out into the countryside, hoping the clean air would help his deteriorating health.

After a few calls and forged papers, the old dean was kicked out and Yuuto was bumped up to president with just the snap of his fingers.

When he finally got his hands on his degree-granting license after doing away with his own family is when he finally got the taste of feeling unstoppable; he was absolutely drunk on the taste of feeling godly.

#{Yuuto;}#{behind the mask | ooc;}#{₲Ø ₮Ø ⱧɆⱠⱠ (headcanons)👹;}

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delirious-robot · 1 year

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I encourage all people who get triggered by me or my posts or messages to block me.

Long story short...

(P.S. I was "triggered" or inspired to write this by an experience of someone close to me who deeply betrayed my trust recently... then blew up in anger at me about it and said a bunch of nasty things to me and twisted my words, so I did the same back! It was the last straw after being used and discarded multiple times after throwing me some breadcrumbs to reel me back in and then lying and cheating behind my back while I naively trusted again... I was often always polite and meek and tolerant and nice and restrained to this person back if they got upset with me and tried to be the "responsible one", trying to fix myself to be “good enough” for them... so instead this time I rejected them back and said exactly what I thought of them and their actions in that moment, after one more nasty “flip flopping waffling” comment sent to me in a text... I guess that’s how they really wanted to leave things...)

I know I'm a good person and don't need to prove myself to someone socially. I'm naturally very cheerful, zen-like and wise, focused and productive, positive, a happy-go-lucky can-do type person that likes to help others and enjoys much about life.

I will never stop encouraging TRUTH.

Take that how you like.

Lots of people have blocked me or ignored me or left me or called me crazy or other bad names because of it.

Go ahead.

Added to say: I will not stand for being treated disrespectfully repeatedly, by a friend or partner.

Momentary blips in a relationship or friendship are pretty easy to handle, that's not what I mean.

And If you feel I've disrespected you in any way, please go ahead and ignore me, block me, unfollow, leave me.

(Actually, better yet, if you are able to - communicate with me respectfully, directly, about it and confront me so that I can have the chance to handle it with you and fix it and take responsibility as needed...)

I try to do the right thing and be considerate with others and believe in using kindness, am wholehearted. Although, like anyone, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes from time to time which I also have to learn and grow from. I absolutely don't like to be the cause of pain and suffering to another, because I know that I don't like that too.

But recognize: I often match the energy of those who interact with me. But I often go out of my way to be super nice to people and friendly and helpful.

I start out with everyone being very positive and treating anyone who wants to know me with kindness, friendliness, good communication and giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.

If you harrass me, misuse or abuse me, try to lead me on with lies, do stuff to hurt me behind my back (which I almost always find out about anyways...) after I've been nice to you and been there for you, or been friendly, but you betray my trust or cross my boundaries, I will eventually block, leave, stop all communication.

I may even bite back and speak out about it if the damage has been great.

Even people with good hearts can only be dragged in the mud beaten and kicked so long before they can't take it anymore.

I'm sorry... sort of, in a way.

You have to be a different kind of caliber of person to be in my inner circle.

Lots in the past who have been close with me, lie to me or act disrespectful with me and then blame me and accuse me of being a bad person, for telling them like it is calling a spade a spade and not putting up with it.

It's just very disappointing, sometimes even heart breaking, depending.

I'm very perceptive.

Literally one for one, every time someone is hyper critical of me and can't handle it with decent communication, I find out later they had something to hide from me that they knew was hurtful or had done something to me... that they then justified in their own minds by calling me a bad person, lying about it and me, or getting upset with me over something which is really nothing, a non issue or invented.

This is a touchy subject for some but one which I've had to pull up my sleeves recently and deal with a few little "fires" in this arena - really not my favorite thing to do however! Sigh.

It is however something which ideally is handled with utmost grace, manners, empathy, compassion, understanding and good affinity with the end goal of clearing things up in a decent manner and the restoration of peace, respect, and/or affinity.

Unfortunately, things did not resolve this way with this most recent person who I'm no longer in contact with and sadly probably won't ever be again. I only say sadly because, most of what we had between us was really great - except towards the end. I first met them when I was 16. I will be 44 this year.

Being perceptive - a sort of "ESP" - That is something I gained early on in life from some very special study and self development. Actually, I’ve always kind of been this way. And I feel things quite deeply. Aesthetics and admiration are my favorites though. Spreading these higher emotions has always been a purpose of mine, depth of thought and awareness and higher intelligence.

Lots approach me not knowing this about me and then get burned (assuming I’m just a dumb ditsy air-headed chick) and then blame me later for the whole thing, whatever it is. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Happens a lot with me.

Which is why, I keep my circle quite small now.

That's okay with me. I've learned how to be happy alone.

I don't "need" anyone, quite frankly.

If I trust you, know that it's a deeper kind of trust, and I'm reeaaallly trusting you. Through lots of hard won experience, I try to trust people from the get go, but it's difficult for me. (<- honestly not talking about anyone specific, just sayin.)

But I'm a tiger (well, actually a lion... no, a liger). Don't mess with me. Thanks.

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vampirae · 2 years

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❄️ Virgo rising makes you shy, no matter how many "extroverted" placements you have. You're shy, critical of yourself, image, life decisions etc. In some cases this placement makes you prone to low self-esteem and depression.

❄️ Scorpio rising like hugs + the back = hugging you from the back, being hugged from the back, hugging or being hugged from the back meanwhile sleeping or having sex. It doesn't matter, they just want to protect or feel protected.

❄️ Virgo men can be summed up in two types: the heartbreaker or "I can fix him/her". If you're really different and problematic but they click with you, they'll have a hard time letting you go or giving up on you. Also the heartbreaker ends up at some point of their life being the second type lol.

❄️ Okay, but let's talk about how Mutable placements attract eachother particularly Sun and Moon signs. Like they really don't care about "incompatibility", you're their soulmate and they are yours.

❄️ You have some fascination for the sun sign that have the same element of your moon sign. Fire moon signs tend to have a romantic attractions btw.

❄️ Cardinal placements attract eachother like crazy but also they're so incompatible lol. I've seen this attraction mostly between sun, moon, venus and mars signs.

❄️ Rising sign and mars sign plays a such important role when it comes to vibing and attraction. You can be momentarily seduced by someone who has their sun/venus in the same sign as your rising/mars sign.

❄️ I've noticed that mars and venus are extremely important when it comes to attraction. Like all your placements may scream incompatible but if your venus and mars are compatible it's a fatal attraction (squares and opposition makes it all way too sexy even if painful sometimes like once in a week).

❄️ Extremely specific, but Scorpio rising, who doesn't known was a Scorpio rising because had the wrong birth time or other reasons, usually had a previous rising rising that ppl suggested (like wrong birth time). Strangely enough when they discover the truth many ppl reject the fact, usually saying that the other sign who in most cases it's more cheerful, delicate or less intense suit them the most. It's like ppl reject to face your identity and your intensity.

❄️ In my honest opinion the best matches for your venus/mars sign are other ppl with the same polarity (aka feminine or masculine ) or same qualities (Cardinal, Fixed and Mutable).

❄️ Ppl understimate the power of sextiles like stop sleeping on them. Particularly when it comes to rising, venus or midheaven. They can make you hella attractive and heavily change the perception that ppl have of you.

❄️ Sagittarius and Pisces energy may be too overwhelming sometimes, like ppl tend to forget that one is ruled and the other co-ruled by Jupiter. Particularly Sun/Rising signs can be too much sometimes. Both need expansion and personal freedom.

❄️ Saturn in 5th doesn't want to be mediocre or be perceived as mediocre. They want to be different, influential or meaningful.

❄️ Intercepted stellium, how do you feel? Totally acting like your stellium sign/house but feel separated/dissociating. Like it's not me fr (and many close ppl will say the same), yet acting like it most of the time.

❄️ Stellium it's a bless but mostly perceived and probably is a curse. Like you perceive yourself like a monolithic block and you can escape some traits or behaviour witch are true (that are even more painful if your stellium is in a different sign from your sun sign). Yes, you may lack diversity and feel like a complete mess when it comes to the sign in which your stellium sign is, but let me say, you're owning it, bad and good qualities you're owning it. You're not boring, you're probably one of the most confident ppl (or will become) you ever met.

❄️ Virgo placements and the love for kittens 🥺 even if they're more dog-like people.

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