#everyone is different we're not meant to have exactly the same opinions on everything

[khihi]

i reckon Everybody's Waiting is gonna be a marmite song for most of us, so just want to remind everyone to try not to take anyone else's opinion on it too personally 🩷 you can disagree with someone over their thoughts on a song without it being a problem, and i promise there will be loads of people with the same or similar opinion to you!!

don't be afraid to talk about your own feelings on it, whatever they are, but don't dunk on others for having different feelings – and if you feel like you can't discuss it without it hurting you somehow then look after your mental health and stay away from those discussions 🩷

#hoping and praying this doesnt come across as like. passive agressive or something istg i mean this lovingly #joker out #for clarity i havent seen anyone bashing anyone else for their opinions *here* but i've seen people talking about others doing it elsewhere #and people feeling disheartened by other people's opinions #everyone is different we're not meant to have exactly the same opinions on everything #would be neat if we all loved it but it's so different to everything else they've made so it's gonna be devisive #you can still love JO even if you dont love this song and if you do love it then don't let the people who don't love it spoil it for you #💞 peace and love on planet earth and so on and so forth 💞 #wanted to say this before saying anything about my own feelings on it is all

[brigdh]

Okay. My thoughts on the Our Flag Means Death finale. Obviously I'm not very happy with the ending, though I'm also not as upset as some people are. I would say I'm discontent. Unsatisfied. Too aware of how it could have been improved, and a bit bitter that we didn't get a better version, but I also don't hate what we did get.

I know a lot of meta has attributed the problems to a shorter season, and absolutely I would have loved to get 10 episodes instead. I would have loved 22 episodes! Why don't we do that anymore? But I don't think the 8 episode length was the ultimate problem. A) The showrunner and writers knew they had only 8 episodes, so they needed to choose a story that fit into that length, but even more importantly, B) my problem is not that they had too much story for too little time, but actually that they had plenty of time and chose to fill it with too little story.

As I've sat with it over the last few days and thought more about the season's arc, it feels to me like we got eight episodes of filler. Filler episodes can be great! Filler episodes can have some of the funniest lines, the greatest scenes, the most intriguing ideas. But filler episodes do not progress character arcs or major themes, and that's exactly the problem this season had.

The only characters who got arcs this season are Izzy, and to a lesser and more rushed extent, Lucius. Which sure is a choice.

Ed and Stede and their relationship did not meaningfully change from S1. (Okay, yes, they had sex, they said I Love You – but these are external changes, not internal. They don't represent character growth. Stede realized he loved Ed and was telling everyone back in 1x10. Ed clearly would have slept with him in S1 if they'd had a little more time.) Ed and Stede in 2x08 are not different from who they are in 2x01. If Ed had asked Stede to be innkeepers in 2x01, does anyone think Stede wouldn't have immediately agreed? One of the big moments in 2x08 is Ed reading a letter that Stede wrote in 2x01! Stede's exact words from the very beginning of the season! What better way to underline that none of the subsequent seven episodes had important growth or changes?

Another one of 2x08's big shippy moments is Ed and Stede running to each other across a beach – deliberately paralleling the dream Stede had in 2x01. What are we supposed to take from this parallel? My original thought was that we're supposed to see how different the real version is from the dream, but there's honestly not many differences. Neither one has a beard, now? The dream mocked how Stede knew they needed to have a conversation about their relationship that he wanted to avoid, but they don't have a conversation in the "real" version either. They exchange about two sentences (which includes Ed's I Love You, yes, which is a big deal but still isn't a conversation) and then they charge right back into the fight, without discussing anything like Ed abruptly dumping Stede to go be a fisherman, Stede killing Ned Low when Ed asked him not to, their differences of opinion on being pirates, if having sex was a mistake or if that's only a thing Ed said because he was panicking, etc etc. They have just as many issues to address as they did in the dream, but just like the dream they act like everything is magically okay without talking about it!

So I think we're meant to take the beach-run parallels as "here's what Stede's been wanting, and after waiting for so long he finally gets it". Which is fine, a very sweet take-away for a finale. But it underlines what I'm saying is the problem of the season: Stede has just been waiting for eight episodes for his dream to come true. Not changing. Not growing. Not doing anything to bring the dream about, other than trying to get himself and Ed into the same physical location. Just... waiting.

This is an extra surprising development, because the show was really good at giving Ed and Stede character arcs in S1! Ed and Stede in 1x10 are significantly different than they were in their first introductions. Also, just to preempt some criticism, by 'progressing' I do not mean 'wrap up literally every loose end and make a firm final ending' – S1's finale is an excellent example of both moving the characters forward and leaving a ton of room for future stories. I wasn't expecting for 2x08 to show us a Stede and Ed who were perfectly on the same page and would never again have a problem. I was expecting them to be somewhat different than they were in 2x01, and I just don't see that.

Instead of arcs, we got little pieces of single-episode growth here and there that never added up to an overall whole. The season brought up a ton of potential arcs for Ed – violence, piracy, guilt, suicide, daddy issues, self-loathing, apologies, redemption, his tendency to idealize escaping into a different life – but didn't do anything with any of these options. Stede had nothing resembling a season arc at all.

Stede works to improve as a captain! Stede kills someone and has regrets! Stede confronts Ed's dark side! <- All potential arcs, but none of which lasted for more than an episode or had consequences. We don't even know what the ending means for Stede: does he want to be an innkeeper because he failed as a pirate in 2x07? Because piracy was always just a displaced search for love, and now that he has love, he doesn't need piracy? What does the crew of the Revenge leaving mean to him? Stede's understanding of their new arrangement literally happens off-screen and we're left to fumble at guesses for its significance to him as an individual.

Ed and Stede's last big conversation in the season is their break-up fight in 2x07, which is a shocking way to send off your main couple in a rom-com. Yes, there's the I Love You on the beach (again: two sentences) and the brief 'let's try to be innkeepers' conversation at the very end, but that's it for them in 2x08, except for their inclusion in some brief large group conversations about their fighting skills and the plan for escaping the British. How can you end your rom-com with the main couple exchanging only a paragraph's worth of dialogue in the finale? None of the stuff was brought up in the fishing fight in 2x07 is ever addressed at all!

Again, I don't think this is solely a matter of time crunch. Instead of using the eight episodes to progress the two main characters, we got a bunch of filler episodes that used the time in amusing side tangents instead of forward progress. I don't think that's the inevitable result of having to work with eight episodes.

Look, I can come up with a better Ed/Stede relationship arc without needing more episodes, and despite only thinking about this for a couple days and not having an entire writing room to work with:

(Note: this only addresses the Ed/Stede relationship. It doesn't fix Stede completely lacking an independent character arc and Ed having about ten thousand of them, none of which went anywhere.)

In 2x05 to 2x07, I would make Ed's motivations in their relationship very clearly that he's pushing Stede away so he doesn't get hurt again. Basically play up Ed's comment about "I was all in" in 2x04, and make him determined not to get 'all in' this time around. This aligns the "let's take it slow" conversation in 2x05, the "sex was a mistake" in 2x06, and Ed running away to be a fisherman in 2x07 into a single arc. He wants Stede, but he's afraid of what that wanting will do to him. He's trying to find a way to have a relationship without making himself vulnerable. He keeps pushing off commitment and openness.

Then, in 2x08, I'd make it more explicit that Ed thinks/fears Stede is dead when he sees the pirate ships burning. I think it's subtext in the episode as-is, but give him a line or two to make it really clear. Ed and Stede still see each other on the beach, have their dramatic run to each other, and Ed says, "I love you". Now this moment is Ed acknowledging his love, exactly what he's been avoiding for the last three episodes.

Near the end of the episode, Ed and Stede have a conversation where Ed says something like, "I didn't want to get hurt again, I was afraid of the risk of falling in love and you leaving again, but thinking you were dead made me realize that never loving you would be worse" (but better written, ha, this is a tumblr post that's already too long). (Also possibly you could tie in Izzy's death here to underline both Ed and Stede not wanting to lose another person they care about, if we must have that plot point for some reason.) We actually get to see Ed asking Stede to come be innkeepers with him, paralleling asking him to run away to China (and paralleling NOT asking Stede to a fisherman), Stede voices some of his worries (paralleling him keeping them inside in 1x09, but also giving him a chance to explain what piracy and love mean to him and why he'd give up one for the other), but ultimately they agree that they at least want to try.

This both puts them into a much clearer place for a happy ending, has clear growth from S1 and the beginning of this season, but also leaves open a ton of room for S3, because welp, it turns out trying to have a relationship entails all sorts of problems! Especially with these two. It also would make me feel like they'd at least addressed some of the issues between them.

Right now I feel like S3 will have to spend at least the first few episodes running through exactly the same "don't talk – break up – get back together dramatically" arc that Stede and Ed have already done twice but have never discussed and never learned from. I liked it, but I don't need to see it yet again. That will – ironically – feel like yet more wasted time, more episodes that are just churning through beats without moving the characters forward. I wanted them to have new, different fights in S3, but now I don't even feel like they've made enough progress to have a fresh set of problems.

#ofmd meta #our flag means death #ofmd 2x08 #ofmd season 2 #ofmd critical #(I guess)

[sapphoscompanion]

hiii! I'm writing some things about Tsukutabe (the brainrot is real) and i need a little help choosing what to focus on... here are three snippets of future possible fics! What should i write first?

The magnet stuck to the freezer with a satisfying clack. Nomoto clapped her hands. "All done!" she beamed.

Kasuga turned to look at her and shot her a tiny smile. "Same here", she said as she folded the last of their cardboard boxes.

They'd been at it for a week: as soon as they started to put things away, it was time for bed, or, worse, for work. Nomoto was particular about the furniture arrangement, while Kasuga simply went along with her girlfriend's choices, and that usually meant reassuring Nomoto that everything was fine, and that, really, nobody would notice if one of the dishcloths hung a little lower than the others.

"But I want every detail of our new home to be perfect!" Nomoto had said, and Kasuga had simply smiled.

It didn't help that as soon as they were finished with a box, another one would pop out seemingly out of nowhere. Kasuga had almost wanted to put them away in their storage closet without even opening them, but she had endured for Nomoto's sake. She knew she would cherish her memories of them decorating their home together.

"There's still a lot of work to do, though," Nomoto mumbled, resting her hands on her hips and surveying the living room from her spot in the kitchen.

Kasuga frowned. "Don't tell there's another box..."

"Oh, no!" Nomoto apologetically waved her hands in the air. "I meant, look at all this empty space we have to fill," she explained, gesturing toward the area next to Kasuga, near the window.

For a moment they stood still, while they both realised they had very different opinions about "emptiness". Kasuga thought it was a perfectly fine way to keep your living space: it was tidy, convenient to clean, and peaceful. Nomoto thought it was sad, like there was something missing, a hole that could be filled with colours, tiny cutesy objects, and maybe even new kitchen appliances.

"Let's go buy something from the store, then," Kasuga said

"But we can leave it like that, if you like," Nomoto said at the same time.

***

As the car engine shut down, Kasuga swiftly retrieved her keys, then turned to Nomoto at her left. "Are you okay? We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Nomoto replied with a nervous chuckle, and her grip on the safety belt tightened.

"I'm serious, Nomoto-san."

As Nomoto looked Kasuga in the eye, she saw only earnestness and care. Oh, how lucky she was to have met her, she thought.

"I just don't understand how you're so calm and I'm the one sweating... it's you that's meeting my parents, after all," she managed to say.

Kasuga put a gentle hand on Nomoto's thigh. "You should know by now. I'm not calm at all."

***

Sayama squealed.

Time stopped as everyone in the room turned to look at her, and she and Nomoto had to apologise several times before their coworkers resumed their hustle as usual.

Sayama scooted closer to Nomoto and whispered energetically: "You kissed?!"

"Yeah..." Nomoto mumbled, looking at her hands while she felt warmth creep up her ears and cheeks.

Sayama clapped (once, slowly and being careful not to make any noise) and cheered for her (whispering, without making sudden movements). "Ah, Nomoto-san, that's amazing!"

Nomoto nodded.

"You know, that means you're one step closer to..."

Nomoto's eyes widened as she looked up to her friend. "No! Stop, Sayama-san! Please, do not finish that sentence."

"Why?" Sayama asked, cocking her head to the side.

Nomoto sighed. "Even simply... kissing... was a great deal for both her and me. We're taking things slow, one at a time."

"Ah, I understand," Sayama nodded solemnly, "not at all like those lesbian movies you watch."

"Exactly."

Sayama rubbed her chin, and looked in the distance. "Still... have you ever desired to...?"

A tiny "eh?" was all that Nomoto managed to say. But Sayama didn't seem to realise the weight of her question.

#tsukutabe #tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #thank you to anyone who would kindly help me #my brain is telling me to write all of them at the same time so... #another option would have been to choose randomly #but maybe i can get someone excited about a tsukutabe fic coming? #idk it's midnight at the moment and i'm sleep deprived.

[astarab1aze]

rping/rpc petpeeves for munday? 💀

i can think of a couple.

anon hate, as if we're not all adults here, to name one. the complete and utter lack of respect some people show toward other writers is just ??? it's nuts. another thing is activism within the rpc and the advent of twitter-esque dog-piling when someone doesn't get their way - most i've found either have good intentions and just get it wrong (sokay, we all learn) or are sort of using x cause as an excuse to bully and isolate people as if that's ever been okay or appropriate (bad faith; the 'cause' is a smokescreen that makes the person getting harassed look bad for defending themselves, which i don't and never have vibed with; i spent a lot of time in discourse circles and people who do this don't actually have any convictions, they're just being dicks because they know they can be and get asspats after). people who take things too personally too, because at the end of the day, this is a hobby and we're all human. we can't all talk to each other all day every day, it's just not feasible, and if it takes a week or more for someone to get back to you, it's most likely the exact opposite of intentional. i forget everything all the time, my notifications don't always work on tumblr or discord, there isn't enough time in the day in the first place, and like some i have children and am married, i'm severely time blind (i thought it was still februrary until last week) or otherwise have 800 different things to do at any given time. a lack of communication, at least from me, isn't ever personal, and i'd wager it's about the same for other folks too. sometimes i need to be reminded or nudged and i don't mind that as long as its respectful. yaddayadda.

also it's weird to me that just a couple of days or a couple of weeks of not talking or writing is enough for some people to unfollow, break off/drop roleplays, or whathaveyou. it's just...weird, to me. it shows an unwillingness to understand that someone else's life doesn't revolve around roleplay, and also impatience. i would understand maybe a month or so, but not anything before. my rp besties and i regularly take a few days, sometimes a few weeks to respond to each other's messages and there's no bad blood there. on this front, this is exactly why i'm as laid back as i am - take as long as you need to, i'm not going anywhere.

i have some probably unpopular opinions too, not just pet peeves, but i'll save those for another day. like if someone writes, idk, noncon, i'm probably not going to jump down their throat because a) i don't know them, b) i don't know why they're writing it, c) i probably never will, and d) i'm probably not seeing it on dash anyway since i block and filter tags. when i said this is a judgment free zone, i really meant it. it's not my place and i don't care anyway. write whatever you want? be it to cope or explore something difficult so you can understand it or something else so you can have fun. because i will, even if that's really just complicated romance with a fantasy backdrop. write whatever wish fulfillment and escapist nonsense you wanna write too, while we're here, because genuinely i'm tired of that being seen as a bad thing also. we've all written something someone hates for one reason or another, whether it be unrealistic or 'disgusting', so really all you can do is keep truckin' cos you can't please everyone and it's pointless to even try.

#☿ || Asks. #opinion / #/ the last one is either perfectly reasonable or bothersome but genuinely i just can't be assed to care. subject used was just an example #/ write whatever you want #/ stop bullying each other #/ don't rush each other #/ yadda yadda

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/744229316524638208/httpswwwtumblrcomdearweirdme7441242442675322?source=share

I know you're a relatively new fan, Rain so this isn't aimed at you or anyone who wasn't here then or took a different stance than the one I'm calling out (including OP if it applies) but I wonder where all these voices where when we were calling for a boycott when Bang decided he was going to piss all over BTS work with the UN and take BTS to Saudi Arabia to help participate in the whitewashing of crimes there, especially those towards Yemeni people who BTS were campaigning for one minute and dancing for the benefit of princes and politicians committing atrocities against them the next.

Where have y'all been since then? What's keeping y'all from talking about and calling out that, even now?

If we're going to do this then can we at least expand the moral outrage to everywhere that it applies? Because the decision over Saudi would have been the prime time to cut the monsters head off before it got too greedy and gained too much power but it was near impossible to have our voices heard back then without facing vitriol, doxxing and abuse.

I really hope this boycott works, I do, although I fear it's too little too late at this point because this fandom in general already sent Bang PD a big fat message that anything goes when they shut down protest over Saudi Arabia.

HYBE doesn't give a flying fuck about our opinion because they know they don't have to. I don't judge anyone who feels like the machine is too big at this point or that protests and boycotts won't land where they should and hurt the people they should because its ARMY who have already long laid the foundation for that kind of perspective and not only built the sandpit for men like Bang PD but guarded the gates for him to play in it. Now I see a lot of blame shifting towards newer fans who came into this shit already jaded and knowing what kind of company they were dealing with and at a time when that company has already grown way out of control because fans who had a better chance of forcing a difference before HYBE got to big for their boots didn't want to act.

So if you're a fan reading this or responding to these asks who was in the fandom back then and weren't calling for the same response or are STILL not acknowledging what it meant for BTS to perform in Saudi Arabia then you're a hypocrite and you are in no place to be throwing stones at glass houses now about how people do or don't act. Not until you accept your own responsibility, at least.

And I know y'all hypocrites exist because I've seen some very familiar names on socials calling for action now who were very active in telling the rest of us to shut up and stop complaining then.

And if you were here for the Saudi controversy but are surprised now then I fail to see how because the writing has been clear on the wall since then that Bighit, HYBE and everyone behind the BTS machine were never willing to put their money where their mouth is and the charity work was performative, from the company perspective at least.

If you really got shocked and swerved over Palestine and HYBE getting into bed with the likes of Sc**ter B*aun then you haven't been paying attention to exactly who you've been giving your money to all these years since.

You've already been helping to expand HYBE's greed and influence and whitewash genocide in Saudia Arabia with every album or bit of merch you've bought since. Sc**ter didn't infect HYBE with some sort of 'not giving a shit' disease...birds of a feather flock together. That's how the entertainment industry works in general. If you're looking for clean hands or wholesome billionaires then you're looking in the wrong place. You might as well boycott everything you own and consume that isnt produced by a small or independent business. If you thought that's what you were getting with HYBE even before Sc**ter then...lol.

If y'all want to criticise, try accepting your own complicity and inaction in letting it get this far in the first place.

I personally haven't been buying BTS content for a while now because I don't agree with HYBE's corporate model but if you are one of those people reading this and seething on your Apple Iphone, writing a response from your Apple Mac Computer while sipping a Pepsi and wearing your fave sweatshop sweatshirt that you bought from Amazon who were telling us to sit down and shut up when it came to Saudi Arabia then I hope you are feeling pretty shitty right now because what HYBE has been allowed to grow into and is beating people with an even bigger stick is partly your own fault so who TF are you to criticise anyone from your perch when you had a much clearer perspective of their long game?

Hi anon!

Thanks for this contribution. Army has its own history aside from BTS, and it’s way harder to grasp that in its entirety because it’s not documented clearly (as opposed to BTS).

On this note I’ll leave this discussion for now.

#fandom shenanigans #things to consider #is that bts is not Hybe’s only source of income #and chances are #that hybe is already making a plan for who they will push to the front next #seeing as BTS is already in business for longer than ten years #which is already really really long for a boyband #and also #change often really starts to happen from the inside #and i’ll bet a whole lot on members going to be playing important roles in the future of kpop/music #they will be the people who take over when the conservative ones have gone

[galacticvampire]

As an Asian and a major fan of the Jedi, I just wanna slap Lesyle Headland in the face. I'm so tired of ignorant Westerners (aka faux white feminists) like her and Kathleen Kennedy shitting on the Jedi. They're basically insulting and looking down on my people and their culture. I wish Kathleen Kennedy got fired. I wish that SOMEONE could hire an Asian person to direct the Acolyte instead of a white Western woman like Lesyle Headland. She should just go back to making a 3rd season of Russian Doll or whatever. Why is it SO HARD for Disney to hire Asian people to be in charge of a Star Wars series or movie???

The anti-jedi rethoric is very annoying and it upsets me that lucasfilm doesn't try (i might be wrong about them not trying but alas) to at least direct creators working for canon material to stick to GLs original meaning without the very prominent legends bias we know older fans have. You and everyone to whom this characterization is important (I'm one of them!) has every right to be upset about the things she said, but I just want to point out a few things:

We don't know how Acolyte is going to turn out. The statement is worrying but we've seen actors/directors say things in interviews that just don't reflect on what we actually get. (Favreou does this all the time) I say we wait. I'm not an optimistic but I think we can hold off saying it will DEFINITELY be awful until it actually comes out.

Again, it's very upsetting having yet another show trying to be "jedi critical" but I can't help but notice that Filoni, Favreou and multiple other writers have been doing it for years and everyone still watches and reads everything they put out. Not many people seriously call for them being fired. The fact that I've seen way more anger and aggressiveness towards Lesyle is... telling. Go all the way on the critiques of the material when the show comes out (I will) but don't be blind to the fact that she is one of the first openly queer women leading a prominent Disney production. There will be fans being awful to the show just because of it + Amandla's race and gender. Sometimes will be hard to tell which kind of anger someone is expressing but I'll highlight that is NEVER productive to side with bigots, even when you're rightfully angry for different reasons than them.

Which leads to my next point: we should be (I know we already are, just to remember the focus) advocating for diversity on the writing room. That's the space we have to a big cast of opinions and perspectives in the same project, while we only have one director/a few producers. And I think it's important to acknowledge that in that department they've already have gone really far just in the last couple years. We have Debora Chow. Diego Luna was producing Andor. Regardless of the end result, Lesley is an openly queer woman. EVERY SINGLE LEAD BESIDES EWAN IS A POC. This was unimaginable ten years ago. This is just a reminder to not let yourself fall in despair, we're getting there.

Kathleen Kennedy is incredible at her job. I'm not discussing her opinions because they aren't that relevant: she doesn't make any creative decisions. She makes executive and strategic ones, and Star Wars has put out more content under her administration than ever. She is one of the reasons it's so diverse now. Push for her to do better, to hire people who have a vision that aligns with what star wars is meant to be, but calling for her being fired is echoing the dudebros who blame her for every detail that aren't even under her control.

None of this erases the underlying racism in the refusal to understand Jedi culture, you (we) are rightfully angry, specially if Acolyte turns out to be exactly how she said it will. I just think there are more effective ways we can have this conversation and pressure Lucasfilm to do better than boycotting a show we don't even know if is really problematic yet, lest they decide it's easier to stick to the "standard" white straight male pov because it cuts off both the "wokenism" complaints and the ones that what they're doing isn't the right kind of diversity. (see also: target)

#like im all in for calling out what Lesley said #but I've seen every single note on that post simce im op #and I'm gonna say that the aggressiveness is disproportionate #specially because filoni has said and done much worse #star wars is an angry fandom by definition #sometimes is important to remember that a lot of the fandom will be angry for a very different and worse reason (star wars is woke now!!) #and I really don't want to help Those Guys #sorry about this being long but I've been noticing this since that post blew up #important reminder that this is simply me trying to be realistic and pointing out how i believe it's the healthy way to interact with this #byt like if you want to be super pissed about it have it your way i just felt the need to point this out since it was directly sent to me

[the-feminist-philosopher]

I was wondering if you were willing to talk more about how you're an ex-TERF?

Sure!

We didn't exactly call ourselves TERFs and I never actually remember hating transpeople. I simply didn't understand. I was 15 & 16 (mostly 16) years old and had never met another trans or gender queer person before.

The group in question held frequent meetings at the library- usually on Thursdays, but most of my interaction with "TERFs" was online. Most still don't really realize how chronically online their movement is.

It wasn't a very long period of my life, but it was long enough that it affected my own self confidence- like my confidence in being gnc and my comfort in my sexuality and my body. They told me to question every thought I had that didn't align with their own and to cast dissident opinions aside as simply misogyny.

I'd find that a lot of their rhetoric matched that of my catholic family. I could recognize my family's rhetoric as misogynistic. Like their ideas about "spoiling" yourself by having sex with men. And I recognized these "TERFs'" rehtoric as pretty misogynistic too. What stopped me was the fact they called themselves feminists.

As a girl, I believed that feminists couldn't be misogynistic by virtue of being feminist. I'd get older and realize that anyone could call themselves a feminist, but that doesn't mean their ideas about women are particularly feminist.

I'd categorize this part of my life as one where I doubted a lot. But because the women in my life, like my mother and grandmother, only ever told me that I could be groomed and assaulted and manipulated by men, I let my guard down around adult women who'd literally do exactly that.

There was never really a moment where I was not doubting what I was being told, but I had been taught effective thought-stopping techniques to prevent me from really considering those doubts. I doubt? That's misogyny. I doubt? I'm too weak to stand up to the patriarchy. I doubt? I'm capitulating to male supremacy. I doubt? I'm not a real feminist. I doubt? I'm destroying/watering down feminism.

But I was also 16. I don't know of a 16 y/o who doesn't question the world. There were holes in their theories and fallacies in their arguments. I took stats in high school and realized how they were intentionally misrepresenting the data they presented to women.

I also got more involved in leftist politics (the theory would come later in Uni), and in doing this discovered who these women who called themselves feminists were working with. They started handing out political leaflets at meetings and I recognized the women on them as my boss' (I was more of a regular volunteer) opponent in the primary.

She was a pro-life republican. And they wanted us to vote for her because she supported defining women as "we're meant to be defined." This, despite the fact she supposedly stood opposed to everything these women claimed to support.

I finally bit the bullet and asked, "If everything I think is misogynistic and influenced by male fantasy and the patriarchy, then how do I know that what you think isn't the same?" I kept getting conflicting answers on everything from everyone and found that the answer I got really depended on who I went to- and most answers I got from women in my family conflicted with the answers I got from the "feminists." The answers they agreed on I already recognized as harmful to women.

I came to the conclusion that this was all something I needed to find out on my own. I needed to ask myself these questions and come to my own conclusions and I planned to do it with statistics. If I wanted an answer, I couldn't go to someone else. They were going to give me the answer they wanted me to hear. I needed to ask myself and deconstruct these things in my own mind.

And I came to a completely different conclusion than both my family and the "TERF" group.

I'd go to Uni and discover later that a bunch of people had already thought my thoughts. I'd study queer theory and feminist theory and leftist theory. I was still pretty convinced of the inherent grossness of masculinity and was still pretty intentionally suppressing my own sexuality. I came from a town where I was surrounded by violence against women. I was pretty convinced there were no good men from my experience.

And then I learned that "male" and "female" were... complex. I met people ho had Y chromosomes who were raised as girls who'd had body-altering surgery against their will and knowledge to look more "correct" according to the cishetpatriarchy's standards of a "correct" sex that's best for fertility. I learned that gender and identity are complex. Everyone has a different relationship with their sex and gender. I met trans people and gender queer people and good men. I stopped self-policing my sexuality.

I also realized that you could take everything away from me- my gender, my sex, my family, my community- and I'd still be me. I might be a little different, but I'd still be me. And that's when I realized that who I am is not tied either to gender or sex. Who other's see me as, however, is certainly tied to those things.

And my worldview was forever expanded.

I also realized I'm gender queer. Not a "man" and not a "woman," exactly. Some days I wish I was born with different anatomy (used to have pretty innocuous dreams about this as a kid). Other days, the thought never crosses my mind. But, every day, I'm always just me.

[hoghtastic]

Responding to:

"Anon, your last sentence “Her and Alex are not living together….yet” looks very similar to the sentence (“……she hasn’t actually moved in yet. Yet!”) in the ask titled “Responding to a couple of anons”. I wouldn’t be surprised if you are the same anon."

In fact, you are wrong, my dear. Very wrong. I am actually not the person who wrote the other anon ask that was calling people stalkers or asking why everyone cares so much or whatever it was exactly. If you read the two asks, you can see they are two very differently toned asks. I am the one who wrote the "Responding to a couple of anons..." ask. And I don't quite understand why you wrote your ask so defensively, either. I didn't call anyone any names in my ask at all or attempt to insult anyone. The other person has also responded here about the "no needing to fight" part. We're two different people.

BUT you obviously didn't pick up on my sarcasm in MY ask. I was not trying to defend Johanne at all. I was simply saying what I'd noticed about the comment under her post of the elevator pictures and bed. I was "explaining" things from what I thought JOHANNE was possibly attempting to say, like from her POV. But you see, I was trying to do it in a way where you could read between the lines and I wouldn't have to straight out insult her. However, if you misunderstood me, others probably did, too. So what I meant was it was HER thinking, "Oh let me be sure to show that even though he wasn't with me tonight, we're definitely still together. This elevator post should do the trick." And to me, the jacket did mean it was an after picture. Obviously, I could be wrong but given her history, I figured that was definitely in an attempt to show she'd be with him at night to try to futher piss people off. And now, knowing he wasn't even home, I truly do believe that was her very reason for posting going to his place-to further stamp her seal on the fact that "he's hers."

And as far as her posting her empty bed, I also meant it was another attempt of hers to further rub fans' faces in her shit! That they'd just got out of the bed together. She's showed she has no problem posting such crap before! I never said it was "any better" and didn't say that was the sure reason for it, just that it's what I thought!

So, you have written such a response to me, or at least partly to me, as if what you think is a fact and in everything I posted, I said I think..., or to me it looks like... I also said I dont THINK she's moved in with him yet! We obviously have no way of knowing for sure. BUT I do KNOW that at least one of his former roommates no longer lives there. And I can only assume that the other one has moved out as well, although, that, I don't know for sure. I simply mentioned what I observed about the owner's comment of her apartment and my opinion about everything else, which I'm totally allowed to do just like you are. And I'm definitely not trying to make anyone believe as I do. I don't care if people agree with me or if they don't. To each his own. so, YOU misunderstood me, my sweet anon. Completely.

Anon to anon. 😊

Thank you for taking the time to clarify things! From what I understand, it was all a misunderstanding and we're all actually on the same page. (And even if we weren't, you are absolutely allowed to share your opinion, like you said!) So it's all good! 💖

#anon asks #anon to anon

[localcactushugger]

Honestly the thing that really pisses me off, the thing that really hurts the most, about the Hawks vs. Twice conflict is the fact that they had so much potential.

I know on my blog I post mostly about Hawks and bnha leaks, but Twice was by far my favorite Villian and I loved seeing him every time he showed up. I love and understand both Hawks and Twice.

And Horikoshi fucking robbed us.

He robbed us of potentially the most hilarious and pure bromance in all of Bnha history.

All because of the fucking plot.

Think of the beautiful dynamic these two already had! They were only together for what? 2, maybe 3 months at most? And during that time they both learned to sympathize with each other. They even laughed at each other's jokes!!

They actually cared about each other even though their goals and morals didn't exactly aligne.

Both of them saw each other as "good/ kind hearted people" who were deserving of sympathy:

"You're a swell guy!" "Right back at ya."

"You're a good person."

"Anyone who wants to help their friends can't be all that bad." "I know you're good natured." "Let's fly free together!"

"I empathize with their cause." "I wanna fly free"

LOOK AT THEM JOKING AND LAUGHING TOGETHER!!!

LOOK AT THE FINGER GUNS!!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WE WERE ROBBED OF THIS:

I'm still so fucking salty about it. It's genuinely upsetting to me.

What's sad is that both of them genuinely cared and wanted to help each other. They just couldn't because their goals were so different.

Twice wanted to help his friends and "protect their happiness" more than anything, and that's why he was fine with helping them destroy/take over Japan. Because nothing matters more than the league's happiness. He'd burn down the world and "sell his soul" to make the Leauge happy! They were his friends. His family. They were his everything!

And Hawks' goal revolved around keeping the people of Japan safe. It revolved around making sure the Leauge didn't hurt anyone because "If you had just captured the Leauge when you had the chance . . ! Think of how many citizens might be alive today!" It revolved around making sure that "everyone would be able to laugh by the time the next cherry blossoms fall."

Both of them were kind hearted genuinely good people. The only difference is that they fought to protect different things.

But that doesn't mean they didn't care about each other or didn't reach out. Both of them reached out!

Twice reaching out: "I know we're being monitored right now, but I wish they'd stop spying on you! I get how you feel."

Hawks reaching out: "You've been unlucky, but you can make a fresh start once you pay for your crimes. I'll even help you start over! Because you're a good person."

Twice didn't know why a hero would sympathize with the liberation army. But a person who wanted to help his friends couldn't be that bad right?

Hawks knew how powerful Twice was and all the horrible things the Liberation army was planning for Japan. But Twice was good natured and kind right?

Both of them made efforts to understand each other. But neither of them could let go of their goals or the things they wanted to protect.

Twice remained loyal to the Leauge. To protect his friends happiness.

Hawks remained loyal to his mission. To protect the people of Japan.

Both characters were sympathetic towards each other, but at the same time they were both fiercely determined to do what they thought was right in the moment. It makes perfect sense story and character wise . . .

BUT THINK OF THE BROMANCE WE LOST!!

I'm still so upset about it!! I was so happy when Twice and Hawks started to warm up to each other, even though I knew it wouldn't turn out well.

Can you imagine these two doing finger guns? Laughing at each other's jokes?? Eating Yakitori together and making up secret handshakes???

They had such a pure, funny, bittersweet dynamic that pulled at my heart strings and made me laugh at the same time.

Honestly I don't know where I'm going with this. I just wanted to rant about the two of them for a bit because I love them both. And I just know if they weren't on the opposite sides of a war they would've been the bestest bros in the world.

Y'all can have whatever opinions you want about Hawks and Twice. But this is a post meant to appreciate their short-lived friendship and amazing dynamic. It's meant to appreciate and show love for both of their characters.

So please keep any bitter comments away from this post. I know everyone has different opinions about these two, but I've heard the debates a million times. Any disrespectful or mean notes will be deleted swiftly.

Just keep the vibes of this post nice okay? Why can we never have nice things in this fandom?

The whole Hero stan vs. Villain stan thing honestly ruins it for me, and I've quickly learned that It destroys all room for understanding and only creates division.

So whatever 12 yr old created the toxic Hero vs. Villain stan dynamic in this fandom, I hope you step on a Lego. Because I'm sure that dynamic has ruined a lot of characters for some people.

If you're someone who can't like a character just because they're a "villain" or a "hero", I'm genuinely sorry for you and I hope you know it's not your fault. This fandom likes to make the whole Hero vs. Villain thing a competition sometimes, and all the extremely biased metas don't always leave room for debate. Sometimes it can even make you feel like you have to pick a side. And it can make it hard for people to enjoy some character's as well.

People will try to demonize Twice.

People will try to demonize Hawks.

Obviously you can love whatever characters you want regardless of their roles in the story, but It's sad how that kind of division in a fandom leaves little room for understanding. And it's sad how quickly a fandom can ruin a character for some people as well. (I've had characters almost be ruined for me too. It sucks.)

Obviously, as a human being I also have my opinions, biases, and favorite characters. And having those isn't a bad thing! Just so long as you're respectful about it. And I'm saying this as someone who has, admittedly, partaken in the Hero vs. Villain stan dynamic once or twice myself. Even though I personally think that dynamic is dumb. I've also had moments where I've lost patience over "bad takes" I didn't like as well. I'm not perfect. No one is, and you can disagree with me all you like if you want. It's chill dude. 👌👌👌

But I would like to keep this post conflict free. In my opinion, Twice and Hawks are both genuinely good people. This is not something I will ever budge on. And i want to enjoy both of their beautiful characters just this once. I love and understand them both your honor. ✋😔

#seriously. good vibes only #be nice to each other in the comments (or notes? whatever. you get it) #anyways i love Hawks and Twice #i have no doubt they would send each other shitposts at 3am with no context #the two of them would have competition's to see who could fit the most food in their mouth #they would be the most destructively playful dynamic duo #think of the shenanigans! #Horikoshi didn't put them together because they were too powerful #he's a coward 😤 #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #hawks #bnha spoilers #keigo takami #takami keigo #bnha hawks #mha hawks #twice bnha #bnha twice #bubaigawara jin #jin bubaigawara #mha spoiler #bnha meta #hawks meta #I'm debating putting this is the Twice tag #whatever I'm putting it #mha twice #the point of the post is i wish they could've stayed friends. This was in my drafts and I'm posting it before I loose courage

[nctseren]

❝ For a long time, love was unattainable for her. She wrote, sang and dreamed about it, but she had never been truly in love.

The truth is that, and although she denies it, Kang Sohee is a hopeless romantic and she always has been. She often dreamed of meeting the right person and doing everything right so that love would last... and not fade like her parents' love.

However, love is strange and it does not come easy. She has learned that you can meet thousands of people and yet none of them will make you feel the things that you are supposed to feel.

She has also learned that you can mistake love. And as much as it hurts and breaks your soul, there are people you were born to love, and there are others you were not.

So, Seren doesn't have much experience in romance. And she's slowly learning that love and infatuation are two different things, that it doesn't have to hurt, that it should make you feel happy, and that you don't go looking for the right person, because eventually fate brings you together. ❞

⟶crush list

—WANG YONG

❝ I'm too shy to tell you how I feel.

So I'll hide behind timid smiles and soft hellos.

I'm afraid if I ask you: "what do you think of me? " your reply will be "I don't" ❞

duration of crush: 2014 — 2015

relationship: close friends, one side crush

current status: they haven't spoken in a long time but she still cares for him

their things: practicing together, sharing chocolates, him giving her books and then the next week sharing opinions about them, eating together all the time

playlist: kid in love by shawn mendes & u smile by justin bieber

Wang Yong came to SM Entertainment in late 2012 and Lee Taeyong quickly took care of him under his wing. He was quite a popular trainee, not only because of his looks, but also because of his great talent for dancing, despite his young age. He was to the younger ones what Kang Seulgi was to Sohee.

Wang Yong was a sweet guy, it was inevitable for girls not to have a crush on him, and anyone in his place would take advantage of it, but not him. He was focused on doing what he had to do: training hard. That's the reason why his only friends for a long time were only Taeyong and Hansol.

Kang Sohee (long before she was known as Seren) officially met him in late 2013, after watching him practice. They did not become friends right away, since it was not easy for him to open up to other people. However, when she became close to Taeyong, they inevitably had to become friends. And then they connected thanks to dancing, something they were both passionate about. They went from being acquaintances to partners who practiced together to friends. Then it was not only Wong Yong, Lee Taeyong and Ji Hansol, now it was also Kang Sohee.

2014 was a rough year for her, starting from the loss of her grandparents to learning that she was not going to debut with Red Velvet. It was the most difficult year for her in all that time locked up, but her friends were with her. And he didn't go unnoticed, no matter how hard he tried. He always carried an extra portion of food for her, left her books that he thought she would like and always pretended not to learn the choreography so that she could teach him and in that way distract her mind by doing what she likes the most.

It really wasn't difficult to like Wang Yong, he was sweet and a good boy. Soon she found herself thinking that she really liked the way he wrinkled his nose when he laughed, or how his eyes sparkled when someone complimented him and, most of all, the way he tilted his head when he was confused. And then every time he looked at her she felt something in her stomach (and no, she had thought the first time she felt it, it can't be diarrhea), her cheeks would blush and it was difficult for her to keep look at him.

He was her crush for a few months and suddenly their interactions were shy smiles and sharing chocolates. Until he was no longer making her feel like she was flying. He meant a lot to her because not only he was her first butterflies in her stomach, he was also one of her close friends and one of the most supportive.

Sometimes she still thinks about him, what is he doing? how is he doing? what it would have been like if he had debuted in NCT instead of her? SM Entertainment did not treat him well, apparently his voice was not good enough, in the future they had told him. All she knows is that he returned to his home in China, and all she hopes is that he's truly happy.

—MARK LEE

❝ There's a boy I like.

He smiles so bright and my heart can't take it.

There's a boy I like.

We both love the same things.

There's a boy I like.

I think about him all the time.

There's a boy I like.

He's my best friend. ❞

duration of crush: 2017 — early 2018

relationship: bandmates, best friends, crush

current status: bandmates, best friends, partners in crime

their things: holding hands, sharing songs, singing, rapping, dancing together, telling jokes, listening to music, trying to teach her basketball, teaching him to play futboll soccer, doing karaoke

playlist: the one that got away by katy perry & walk you home by nct dream & everything has changed by taylor swift & catching feelings by justin bieber & whenever you are by 5sos

For a long time, Mark was the closest thing to a best friend that she had. They practically grew up together (and are still growing). They wouldn't exactly tell each other everything, but they did trust each other. And every day, especially when they missed home, they would get together to tell their funniest childhood stories, and then listen to music for the rest of the time, enjoying each other's company.

Maybe that's what made her have feelings for him. Maybe it was the inside jokes, the laughs, the songs, maybe it was all together.

It was different, of course. It didn't feel at all like her first crush. No, it was definitely stronger, because they were Mark and Seren — everyone was talking about Mark and Seren: NCT's 99 line, best friends.

Liking Mark was a fresh feeling, no discomfort, no obvious blushes, no big butterflies either. No, liking Mark was being at peace. Being comfortable in his presence, hearing him sing, sharing smiles, doing mischief together, it all felt too good... almost like she was born for it.

And maybe she was born to love Mark, but in another life. Because on this one Mark Lee and Kang Sohee were just best friends. And although at nights she sometimes dreamed of his eyes, the same ones that hold thousands of stars, in the morning she reminded herself that nothing could change the friendship they had.

That's one of the reasons why she didn't do anything about it, that and because she didn't want to ruin all their efforts just for a crush.

It was difficult for her, because months passed and she kept thinking about him. Until eventually she stopped seeing him in a romantic way, his hugs stopped making her feel things (things you're not supposed to feel for a friend) and at night his eyes and laughter stopped appearing.

Now that time has passed, she realizes that staying best friends with him is a hundred times better than a possible relationship with him. And she prays, Oh, she prays that Mark Lee's future partner can love and appreciate him as much as he deserves... As much as she could have.

⟶dating list

—MOONBIN

❝ I enjoy our time together. And your laugh, your voice, your kisses. I enjoy you.

We may not be in love and that's okay for us.

Because what matters right now is that we're both having fun. ❞

public knowledge: private (only friends)

duration of relationship: march 2018 — april 2018

relationship: fling

current status: friends

their things: hanging out with friends, kisses, supporting each other, hugs

playlist: we are young by fun feat janelle monaé & locked out of heaven by bruno mars

They met at some awards and immediately they knew there was attraction, so they exchanged phone numbers and soon found themselves talking every single day.

They both knew what it was and what they wanted, to be young and have fun.

Those two months sometimes felt like an eternity, because they genuinely had a good time together. There was always fun, affection and, most importantly, sincerity.

They both knew it was meant to be over, so they enjoyed it.

Having fun with Moonbin felt like riding the drop tower: they weren't afraid of it, they just felt the adrenaline and fun you feel being up there in the air. But just as fast it goes up, it also goes down. And even though in the end you seem to want more, you know enough was enough.

—WOOSEOK

❝ I loved you as Icarus loved the sun — too close, too much. ❞

public knowledge: private for three months until their members found out

duration of relationship: july 2018 — january 2019

relationship: kind of dated, never really had a "tittle"

current status: acquaintances, they don't really talk anymore

their things: secret dates, midnight calls, back hugs, kisses

playlist: sweet creature by harry styles & the scientist by coldplay & the end of love by florence + the machine & it will rain by bruno mars

Kang Sohee and Jung Wooseok were never in love, but they might as well have been.

They met in mid-2018 thanks to a close friend, and the physical attraction was so immense that without thinking they both decided to give it a try. It was all very fast, but the result had been good. They were something, no tittle, yet they didn't care because they were okay with that.

Their relationship was like trying a new dish, they didn't know what to expect: they didn't know if it would be sweet or salty, everything was so different. But they had liked it. They spent a good time together, sometimes hiding from their members, it was a little secret that only the two of them knew.

They loved what they had. Midnight calls, secret dates, just sneaking around their members backs like that. It was exciting and fun. They were young people enjoying themselves.

Until it became real. Too real.

Suddenly they weren't just missing each other's presence, but they craved for their touch and kisses.

It was almost like an obsession. Every time they were together they felt intoxicated. They needed more, they wanted more.

And that wasn't healthy nor they where ready for that.

So, because they cared about each other, they put a stop to it. God knows that if they had stayed together, they would have burned.

—THE8

❝ The Ego asked:

'What is Love? It's too big of a word for me. I don't understand it at times.'

The Soul replied:

'If you understand Kindness

If you understand Respect

If you understand Acceptance

Then you will understand Love.' ❞

public knowledge: private (only members and close friends)

duration of relationship: december 2019 — present

relationship: acquaintances to friends to lovers

current status: in love, best friends

their things: nose, forehead and cheek kisses, showing her his art, painting together, taking pictures, listening to music, dedicating songs, slow dancing, hype man! hype woman!, writing songs about each other, domestic dates

playlist: love someone by lukas graham & ily by the rose & common by zayn & have you ever been in love? by the ivy & love somebody like you by joan & sunday morning by maroon 5 & natural by zayn

Falling for Xu Minghao was like breathing, so natural, so effortless, without realizing it.

They met in 2018 and for a year they were just acquaintances: their bandmate's friend. There were few interactions, maybe greetings and a few smiles. But when she has a very persistent Boo Seungkwan as her best friend, it was only a matter of time before she eventually became friends with the rest of them.

Being friends with Minghao is yellow, like observing the sunset. It's relaxing, enthusiastic, supportive, positivity, happiness...

It was an unexpected friendship but suddenly they were sharing songs, painting together and hanging out a lot more than with their original friends. Soft laughs, little jokes, looks full of adoration — it was so obvious that there was something there, they could feel it and everyone could see it. And still it took almost a year for them to take the risk. Was it really mutual or were they just imagining it?

He was the first to take the step, because even if it was all in his head at least he would be at peace knowing that he tried and didn't just let her go.

It was silly, really, how much they wanted to be together and how much they doubted.

Loving Minghao is comforting, honest, understanding, compassion, teamwork, sometimes overwhelming, and a new feeling that completely scares her because she has never been in love or in a serious relationship, yet she is sure of one thing: discovering those feelings with him was her best decision.

#sh.sohao #kpop added member #kpop addition #kpop female addition #kpop oc #nct 127 added member #nct 127 addition #nct 22nd member #nct 24th member #nct added member #kpop female idol #nct addition #nct oc #nct au #kpop female member

[immortalpunz]

not mean!! i feel like your last post is kinda directed @ my last post and i just wanted to say that i see what you mean and i agree that obviously george was being stupid last night and shouldn't have gone to the party. but seeing fans saying 'so we're celebrating when they get covid right' or 'you don't deserve to meet the dream team' helps nothing in the situation. my post isn't about tumblr because everyone's being constructive (and funny for the most part) and that's the way it should be? discussing exactly what he did wrong and what's upsetting people. but what i don't like seeing, and i have seen a LOT, is twitter toying with the cancel button. discourse posts only fuel more discourse posts and inevitably that turns into hate speech. like i said, i totally get you're saying and i agree but negativity leeches off negativity and I've been on fandoms for long enough to know that this kind of negativity is only affecting the person who's posting it. calling someone out on their behavior and explaining what they've done wrong, with respect, is good. cyberbullying not so much. again i think holding a mature conversation about, the topic is cool but that's not the only thing that's going on. and this isn't me trying to shield george btw. as much as im not really a fan of the discourse coming his way, ngl, something i hate even more is seeing all the negativity. it's mentally exhausting. just wanted to explain :]

no of course !! I understand where you're coming from and I completely agree that cc's should not be receiving hate ! I think people make mistakes and fuck up, we all do ! but the only way to learn from the mistake is to be held accountable instead of "getting away with it".

nothing I said was meant to be malicious or hurtful, so I'm sorry if you felt that way /gen. I just don't want the narrative of shielding the uk cc's from any repercussions of their actions to be the norm on here.

I've seen reiterations of wisp's tweet that "no laws were broken". but no one held the same opinion when karl was travelling earlier this year. everything he did was legal, but that didn't make it okay bc it was still dangerous. covid is still a thing, it's still circulating around with different strands and I think everyone needs to recognize that covid has hurt So many people and going to a party without a mask is a selfish thing to do.

I just think the least they could have done was wear a mask if they were so adamant about going to the party.

#ask #anon #/discourse #/neg

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. So this is part 3. Your illicit relationship with Poe continues despite the fact that both of you are starting to feel that it's wrong.

Someone is going to get hurt, and you have a terrible feeling that it will be you.

Warnings, angst! You are cheating on your significant other! (Please don't do that!) Hints of smut, age difference (nothing illegal you are in your mid 20's) Not for anyone under 18.

In a perfect galaxy this would all work out and everyone would be happy. What exactly is "perfect?" You think bitterly to yourself.

Sadly real life isn't perfect, far from it. Your relationship with Poe would have been great if you weren't both set in your ways.

Despite his youthful, virile visage Poe Dameron feels like he's getting old.

He wants to marry his soul mate, settle down and have a family very soon.

Before I'm either too old to play with them or too dead, Poe used to joke with a rakish grin on his face.

The life of an X wing pilot, especially that of the leader of the black squadron, is dangerous, and that's putting it mildly.

Despite the fact that he was kidding you could hear the seriousness in his voice and see it in his eyes.

You, on the other hand, are young (12 years younger than him to be exact) and your gut is telling you that marrying young and having kids would be a mistake.

But at the same time you understand his struggle and where he's coming from. Even though you don't share his sentiment you realize that being a husband and father is Poe's dream, and it's selfish and cruel to be with someone to crush their dreams.

You loved him so much that you let him go. But now you regret that decision but at the same time you don't want to compromise your beliefs and what you want.

And then there's your girlfriend, beautiful, whip smart Anakari. The woman that could put an X wing back together blindfolded. She's three years your junior and a master mechanic, she's even worked on the black leader's beloved craft from time to time.

The woman adores you. Her smile and kisses could make your terrible day wonderful again.

Anyone would be lucky to have someone like her in their life.

And you're doing this to her, you think bitterly.

"Babe, what's wrong? You look upset".

It's a late Friday night and you once again find yourself in Poe's bed. Instead of basking in the afterglow of the moment you are having trouble relaxing.

You've been intimate with him again, twice already and the night is still somewhat young. He isn't done with you, in fact he's just warming up.

Your body is in a state of deep relaxation from the pleasurable sensations that you've experienced. Your mind, though, is wandering.

Poe can see this, and it's upsetting to him.

With a deep sigh you roll over on your side, facing away from him. He wraps his strong arms around you and holds you tight.

"I love you, y/n". Poe confesses, kissing you softly. "I don't think you understand that at times, it broke my heart when you said no when I proposed".

His candid words sent a knife right through your heart.

He still loved you, the words came right out of his mouth.

Poe wanted to marry you, wanted you to be the mother of his children, but you weren't ready for that.

The way he looked at you and the way he touched you told you that, there was noone else in the galaxy that he wanted to be with.

But in order for things to work someone would have to make a sacrifice.

"Poe, I'm not ready to be a wife and a mother, I've said this all before". You explain with a deep sigh. "I love you too, but I'm just not ready".

"I'm willing to compromise". Poe explains with a weak smile. "But what about your girlfriend?"

"I can't let you do that". You reply quickly, sitting up quickly. "It's your dream to be a father, to be honest I'm not sure if I ever want to have children".

"I don't know how I could live my life without you being a major part of it". He confesses, sitting up, his eyes red from tears. "You have my whole heart, I've never loved anyone before like this".

The two of you share another one of those passionate kisses that feel forbidden. You look deeply into his gorgeous eyes and you are lost, you've never been near someone as beautiful, inside and out, as him.

Everything about him is attractive, down to his hands and feet. Poe was like a living, breathing sculpture, just pure perfection.

But he was also a human being with complex emotions. At times you felt like you were leading him along, keeping him from fully realizing his dreams because you wanted to keep using his body for your own pleasure.

"Poe, we can't continue doing this". You confess, holding your head in your hands as you start to cry. "I'm holding you back from what you really want in life and we both know this".

"Please, I can compromise". Poe begged as he leaned over and kissed you again. "Don't do this, I love you and will always love you".

You get out of bed and start to get dressed. Before you leave you take one last look at him and say,

"I love you too, that's why I'm doing this".

Five years later

You hadn't talked to him since that fateful day but you heard that eventually Poe had reconnected with his first love, Zorii Bliss, had a whirlwind romance, got married and had two kids close together with a third on the way.

He was now in his early 40's. His beautiful hair was a salt and pepper gray. Poe looked relaxed, happy and fulfilled in life and deeply in love with Zorii.

Zorii was a passionate and tough woman. In your opinion Poe needed someone like that in his life.

His two beautiful little boys were his world. He looked softer, happier and much more relaxed because of them.

They were adorable with curly reddish brown hair, their father's dark eyes and tan skin.

Your girlfriend is now your wife. You confessed everything to her and she forgave you. The two of you are not only spouses but best friends. You are enjoying your blissful, child free life.

You are happy, extremely happy, but you can't help but wonder if Poe still thinks of you and those lust filled days and nights that you spent together.

The four of you agree to go out on a double date together. Poe wants you to meet his wife.

Zorii is about 7 months along with a little girl. It was going to be their last child. His family was complete and he was happy, so happy, you could see it in his eyes and smile.

You couldn't help but feel slight pangs of jealousy when you see Poe kiss his wife and remember that was once you.

The feelings soon fade when you see how good she is to him, and how happy they genuinely are.

Zorii and Anakari go off by themselves to chat, leaving just you and Poe together alone.

At first the silence is awkward, almost painful. You can't even look at him at first.

"You were right, y/n, I'm happy". Poe confesses, a strained smile appearing on his face. "My boys are my world, and we're finally having a little girl".

"Congratulations". You tell him, smiling weakly and leaning over to gently touch his hand. "Zorii is a wonderful woman, I'm happy for you, seriously".

"Zorii keeps me in line, and I think I need that". Poe tells you, laughing a little. "Ana is a special woman too, brilliant and beautiful, you're so lucky".

"I still love you, and I will always love you until the end of time". Poe continues, looking down a little. "But we had different goals in life, my kids are my world and I can't imagine them not being here".

"I still love you too". You confess, the tears streaming down your face. "But we weren't meant to be, at least not in this lifetime".

The end

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron smut #star wars #star wars smut #poe dameron x you #poe dameron imagine

[candiliam328]

Season 1 was SO musically superior! Like imma be honest, there are very few songs I remember or liked from season 2. I think in hell I’ll be in good company, golden brown, and major Tom are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Season 1's soundtrack is iconic. Phantom of the opera? I think we're alone now? The Walker? Shingaling? Kill of the night, hazy shade of winter, happy together, run boy run, picture book, don’t stop me now... they’re all so good! No mistakes were made XD

YES. YES. YES. 

ok this is going to be an extremely long answer and... 

Necessary disclaimer: these are just all my personal opinions (pls don’t attack me)

Season 1 was a musical masterpiece. The OST and the pop music worked really well together. But I... wasn’t impressed with the music in S2. There’s lots of reasons why.

But what you’re talking about... honestly same. I just looked through a playlist of the pop music in S2 and I didn’t remember most of them? Couldn’t even guess what scenes they might play in? That’s... an immediate failing. If you put a song in a show, it needs to be a deliberate choice and it needs to mean something or else why would you bother including that song? 

yike I can literally talk about this for hours (more below the cut)

Music in cinema is really... weird. Even more so when you introduce pop music. 

Ok, let’s go from the beginning... a good musical scoring is supposed to reflect what is happening on your screen. It’s meant to support but not overwhelm. A good musical scoring will implicitly tell you more about the story than what you are visually given... but it’s incredibly subtle. You’re not meant to realize that you’re getting some extra info because that would distract you from what’s actually happening on the screen. Some background processing of info, if you get what I mean. (more to come in my OST analysis, should it ever be finished I guess lol)

This isn’t the case with pop music. This can’t be the case with pop music. 

Remember, the OST is original composition. Written specifically for this show. Only introduced to you in the context of this show.

Popular music, by definition, exists outside the context of this show. 

So there’s a really subtle balance that needs to be kept here when introducing pop music because you risk taking your audience out of the moment and making them think of other memories they already associate with that song. 

How do you combat that? Well, diagetic music (music built into the show, like “I Think We’re Alone Now”) tends to be more easily digested and accepted as part of the show material, since the characters are obviously hearing this music as well and interacting/reacting to the music. You have visual confirmation that this music is part of the show as well as auditory stimulation, so brain is less likely to wander off on its own journey. 

But the more clever way? Have an incredibly meaningful scene tied with it, something that fits in all the right ways and allows it to work like the score, giving you additional information without you even knowing it. Something that overpowers your brain’s tendency to get distracted by whatever other context you may associate with that pop song. Something that will grab your brain and be like “Sorry, brain. This song is officially a TUA song.”

This obviously works best if you have very little memories associated with the song, so the more obscure the song the better. But if you’re an absolute mad genius with your music and your cinematic timing, you can overpower any association with any song, no matter how popular it is. (... ever wonder why every song in Shrek became an immediate Shrek song? yeah lol)

You also have to recognize that the pop music in TUA or in any other piece of cinema that includes pop music? It does not exist in auditory isolation. There’s a running stream of background music and sounds and noises. Clever sound production will make the jump between music as smooth as possible. Clever scoring will think about how to weave a narrative, while keeping in mind the pop music that will be inserted as well. Make everything as subtle and smooth as possible. Your job is to not take the audience away from the narrative of the screen.

Ok, that was a lot of background info. You may be asking, “LOL BEAN WHAT’S YOUR MAIN POINT?”

Alright, so here it is.

The pop music in season 2 was pretty much doomed to be less effective from the get-go. 

The original score of TUA is composed by the lovely Jeff Russo. From my understanding, he knew what pop music was already planned for season 1 before he even got to scoring. This is important. Because he could make choices about the score and the motifs, while keeping the pop music in mind. He could make a more cohesive sound and music experience. And it worked.

There were deliberate choices made with the pop music. They prioritized and made sure you heard them in the right contexts. I will tell you now that there may be some pop music in season 1 that you completely forgot about. That’s OK. You weren’t necessarily supposed to remember them that much. You can’t be expected to pick up on everything. But the ones that played during the most important scenes? “Run Boy Run,” “Don’t Stop Me Now,” “The Walker,” “Never Tear Us Apart”? You know them. They played them longer and they took the time for your ears to appreciate the music and recognize its context in the show. None of this works if your ears and your brain don’t have enough time to process and form the associations of this song with what is happening on the screen. And they resonated with you the most because they reflected what was happening in the show the strongest. These are the important scenes you were supposed to care about and will play in your mind now whenever you hear those songs. 

But an even stronger testament to the integrity of pop music in S1: The other songs you forgot about and can’t name off the top of your head? You can listen to them again and maybe even make a good guess at when they were playing in the show. They... fit the show somehow, even if you can’t exactly place it. 

And this all makes sense if they chose these songs even before they started filming. Even before they started most of the scoring. 

In season 1, choices were made because of the pop music. 

... not so much the case for season 2. 

I’ve spent less time on the music for season 2 and honestly I don’t plan to spend much more ahaha... But here’s my two cents:

The music in season 2... is incredibly confused. You no longer have this cohesive sound experience that showed up in season 1. The OST is stuck with motifs that were developed with pop music from s1 in mind. Also, Russo played really hard into the fact that Vanya played the violin in season 1 and now there’s no violin at all on-screen, but he’s stuck with an excess amount of violin in the scoring, so there’s already less of a connection there. Not only that, but Russo is no longer the sole score composer, was working on other projects while scoring this one, so there’s less time from him dedicated to make this score work, but also a slightly different sound being introduced from another composer.

Now, add in the messiness of time travel to the 1960′s. The OST is not the 1960's. Not even the new tracks introduced. So the 1960′s sound is... trying to come from the pop music. The pop music that doesn’t blend in with your OST because your OST was developed for a time set in the present. 

But wait! Your S1 soundtrack got really popular because of its prime pop music choices... music that fit really well with your scenes. Let’s do that... but even more. Let’s use really popular music !! Backstreet boys, maybe some covers of Billie Eilish, and Adele. Everyone knows these songs !! They’ll see how clever we are and it’ll make them laugh !! 

(Notably, this kinda ruins the charm that they were hoping to replicate from S1? Honestly, several times while I was watching S2, I literally shook my head and closed my eyes, thinking.... “of course, they would play this.” Took me completely out of the show. Yeah, it can be really fun, but idk if you are thinking about the people behind cinematic decisions during your first watch of a show, those people probably messed up at their job?)

But wait, I thought you were using your pop music to establish the 1960′s theme? Now some of your music is directly clashing with that and the environmental setting? You’re confused. What are you supposed to be taking away from the pop music now?

And here’s something even more messy: the pop music in S1 was so incredibly important in establishing the musical identity of your characters, since they were played during some of the most defining character moments. Consciously or not, you have some musical expectations already for each of the characters. Not only that, but you’re expecting this pop music to be telling you more things about your characters than what you’re seeing on the screen. What happens when those expectations are not met? There’s some cognitive dissonance. You’re mentally taken out of the show, thinking about other things. Confused about what you’re supposed to take away from this music. Bad. Musical. Decisions.

So... what does that leave you with for the music in season 2?

A mess of 1960′s music and clunky ‘on-the-nose’ music choices, which may or may not clash with the established musical identities of the characters and all clumsily tied together with a struggling OST for the musically confused ears of the audience.

Tldr; Season 1 was a musical masterpiece. The Season 2 music never even had a chance.

#wow this got out of hand lol #it also should be said that the pop music in either season is not objectively better than the other #season 2 has some bops! #its all dependent on the context #anywhos #thank you so much for this ask !!! #🥺💕 #sorry it... became a monster lmao #whether this made any sense is actually extremely questionable #tua music #asks #ford-ye-fiji #my ramblings #tua #tua music thoughts #musical beans

[kateis-cakeis]

Hey, I've never really spoken to you before but I hope you're doing alright. ❤❤

I don't know everyone's intentions but I'm pretty sure many of the posts misinterpreting you were completely accidental. Or never saw the original and were responding to the vagues with their own insight into the topic that they'd now been presented with. Never be afraid to bring up your thoughts even though this ordeal might've felt discouraging! I think all the fans want both Wilbur and Tommy to be interpreted fairly and get defensive over their faves sometimes but I doubt any malice was meant. So sorry that your original post got so misinterpreted though. I think bringing up interesting discussion points is good in itself and the dash simply enjoys discussing older stuff sometimes and anything could have sparked up some sort of discussion like that. Everyone wants to get into discussions!

People get kinda used to vagues rather than directly replying I guess because they're shy or want to indirectly discuss the same sort of thing but on their own post or feel worried they might be attacking you directly.

Hopefully we're all friends at the end of the day. ❤ I think generally everyone debating had the same general opinions on the characters and agreed and didn't realise they were arguing about different things or something.

Anyway, fully agreed that Wilbur's character gets held to different standards by the fandom and it can be exhausting to discuss him when you feel the need to constantly clarify everything you say.

And yeah Tommy's character is cool and I am glad that people are sympathetic to his perspective and why he might act out for the most part and hope that that same energy could be applied to Wilbur as well.

Hey, Anon! And yeah I'm doing alright now, thank you.

Right off the bat I'm gonna talk about your last two paragraphs because yeah exactly that. I know some Alivebur analysts that put a disclaimer in all their posts when talking about Alivebur's mental health, I know some that stopped doing analysis because of the way the fandom because of the arguing in their posts, and so on and so forth.

It's hard when you have to clarify in every post. I personally try to avoid it, because I'm tired and bitter these days, but I do get scared of being vagued every time I make a post, and with what happened today, it's probably gonna scare me off for a couple days - unless I get stubborn :PP

But yeah I just wish Alivebur was given the same amount of sympathy for why he acts the way he does, but the fandom demonises him too much for that apparently.

To go back up in your ask, yeah, it was probably accidental, maybe even jumping the gun and not reading my post a couple times to garner my meaning or something, but I just wish people hadn't vagued me since I put in the tag that I wanted someone to explain it to me.

Instead all meaning was lost and several other vagues happened because of that.

I think vagueing as a thing needs to end, it's hurt me and people I know too much. This was the straw that broke the camels back for me, it's happened to me too much now. Too often it takes good posts and twists them into something it never was.

A much better way to go about these things would be an open discussion, especially if OP has encouraged it, or just blocking a person. Hell, maybe even an ask would work if they want new post energy. But vagueing is not it and will never be it.

I've definitely learnt that today fdkjghsdjfhghj

#:)!

[freddieslater]

Rowing the Rarepair Rowboat: Reggie Peters x Luke Patterson (Julie and the Phantoms)

Requested by @trinadega-icetea

"Okay, nearly done, nearly done," Reggie mutters under his breath. He narrows his eyes, staring at the striped candles.

Somewhere behind him is Julie, Alex, and Flynn. Their whispers about his sanity aren't as quiet as they think. Or seem to care.

Taking a step back, Reggie takes in the state of situation. The cake is ready, baked, slathered with frosting and sprinkles, and has eighteen candles sticking out of it. Wait.

He steps forward again, quickly counting the candles. It takes two attempts because he keeps forgetting which ones he's already counted, and he ends up deciding to add one more purple one because there seems to be an uneven amount that is not adding up to eighteen.

"Okay, I'm asking," Flynn finally says, her voice rising to a normal volume. "Why exactly is Reggie attempting to bake? Is he quitting the band?"

"It's Luke's birthday," Alex informs her.

"Yeah, but won't he be at his parents' house?" Julie asks. "Like last year?"

"It's different now," Alex starts to explain. "See, before we died--"

But he's cut off by the sound of the garage door opening. Reggie's eyes widen. He does a quick once-over of the cake again, but it's too late to make any further adjustments, and honestly, he's not sure anything could make it look better at this point anyway.

"Hey, guys!" Luke greets, already shrugging his denim jacket off, not looking at them. "Being alive is tiring. I actually miss being able to just poof wherever I wanna go without having to, you know, walk."

Reggie picks up the plate with the cake on it and walks over to Luke. He waits for him to turn around, which he does, then stops.

Luke's quiet. He sees the cake. Reggie can tell he sees the cake, because it's right in his direct line of sight, and he's just kinda staring at it.

"I, uh . . ." Procuring a gas lighter from his back pocket, Reggie fidgets with it, rolling up onto the balls of his feet and back onto his heels. "I just kinda figured now that we're alive again, and can actually eat real food, that . . . Well."

Luke's still very quiet, and usually Alex is the anxious one of them all, but right now Reggie's really feeling some of that energy. Maybe he overstepped. Too soon.

But then Luke's face breaks out into a wide smile. The cake is lopsided, slathered with a store bought buttercream frosting and sprinkles. And Reggie is willing to admit that it looks terrible, even by his standards.

But Luke is staring at it now like it's the best cake he's ever seen. He lifts his eyes to him, and the look of pure joy and fondness doesn't disappear.

"You remember?" Reggie prompts with a soft chuckle.

Luke joins him, laughing as he nods. "Of course I do. I just . . . I wasn't expecting . . . Wow. Um."

Reggie smiles, so much his face hurts, and gives the lighter a little wave. "Want me to light them?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Luke says. He's biting his bottom lip, just staring at the cake with this little furrow in his eyebrows and that smile.

As Reggie lights all eighteen (thank god he added that extra one) candles, Alex answers Julie's and Flynn's confused expressions.

"Luke's first birthday after he ran away from home, we wanted to try and cheer him up," Alex says quietly, leaning closer to them, his eyes and smile on Reggie and Luke. "We didn't have much money, but Reggie figured we had enough to get some stuff to make a birthday cake for him. He made the whole thing, said he remembered some recipe. It tasted disgusting, but . . . "

All the candles lit, Reggie holds the cake out to Luke expectantly. "Make a wish," he jokes.

Luke smiles back at him, and takes a moment before he blows out the candles.

"What did you wish for?" Reggie asks sarcastically, giving a waggle of his eyebrows. "Teleportation skills?"

"He can't tell you, then it won't come true!" Flynn protests.

Luke's smile just widens. He glances over at the three of them before his gaze drifts back to Reggie, and he shakes his head.

"I didn't need to wish for anything," he says, and Reggie's heart flips, and he knows he's grinning unbearably as Luke continues to repeat the same words from twenty-six years ago. "I've already got everything."

"Except for teleportation skills," Reggie says.

Luke laughs, shaking his head again, hair flopping slightly, and he steps forward, ignoring the cake between them as he reaches out to wrap a hand gently around the back of Reggie's neck and pull him in to meet him in the middle for a kiss.

Smiling, Alex shrugs, softly saying, "It didn't matter to him, because he knew how hard Reggie was trying to make it perfect, for him."

"Guess some things don't change," Julie murmurs as Flynn does her best to stifle her squeal, linking arms with Julie in her effort to suppress herself.

Luke pulls back, looking at Reggie. "I love you." He then peers over Reggie's shoulder with a smirk, and adds, "I love you guys, too!"

They all finally join, exchanging actual happy birthday's with Luke, flopping onto the couch and slicing the cake up. In Reggie's humble opinion, it has improved since the last one. Not everyone agrees, but the cake (and the bickering over whether or not Reggie put enough sugar in) keeps a smile on Luke's face, and has him leaning into his side to press his laughter into his shoulder, and that was always the goal.

So, yeah, the cake's bad, but it did exactly what it was meant to do, just like the first one. Just give Luke a little moment of happiness. And that moment stretches out for hours, and the cake's nearly all gone, and Luke truly looks more alive than Reggie's ever seen him on his birthday since that one twenty-six years ago.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #luke x reggie #reggie x luke #luke patterson #moodboard #aesthetic #drabble #rowing the rarepair rowboat #myedits* #this ship is my JAM #they have all the makings of an otp for me #and I just love them so much #so yeah I headcanon that reggie tries to cheer luke up on birthdays by making him really bad cake's that luke loves because he loves him #trinadega-icetea #and also that middle picture is because of their Thing that I just Adore #otp: cause we always have each other #reggie peters #peterpatter

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

The Best Things ~ J.V. (Part 6)

A/n: Things boutta get bad so like... I'm sorry. Practically nothing but angst this part won't lie. Side note: I know I don't actually have a lot of Jerome x reader content yet, but I wanted to show the reader's descent into madness before they're officially a thing. I promise you it's coming, and very soon :)

Word Count: 4300+

Playlist

MASTERLIST

Y/n shot to his feet, only for the guards behind him to draw their guns. Alfred held up a hand. "Is he alive?" Y/n demanded. He might have lost his mind just a tad, but Bruce was still one of the very few things Y/n Wayne cared about and no one was about to put that boy in danger.

"Yes," Alfred soothed. "I said he WAS kidnapped. We have him back now." Y/n calmed and Alfred seemed to almost smile, as if seeing the amount Y/n cared was very reassuring. That tracked. "He's been brainwashed or something though, and I've gotten special permission from Commissioner Bullock himself to let you out to help me bring him back. If we play this right, we might even get you released permanently. We can figure this whole thing out. You can come back to us. We can be a family again." Y/n thought about that. Seeing Bruce again. His brother meant everything to him. He cared about Alfred too, honestly. The man had been a good father figure to both of them, and a good friend even when their father was alive. Y/n would have a real home, without killing or chaos. He'd be working for the good guys.

Right?

He thought about that word. Good guys. Cops were supposed to be good guys, weren't they? But he'd gotten locked up in Arkham just for being associated with Jerome, and then gotten the shit kicked out of him when he'd simply been himself. He hadn't killed anyone, or hurt anyone. He'd shown affection to another man and had nearly gotten beat to death for it. He'd leave Arkham, the only place he'd ever really been accepted for being gay. Maybe not by that one guard, but everyone else seemed to not care since no one cared about him at all, except maybe Jerome. Oh god Jerome. Y/n would have to leave him. And Harleen as well. The new friend who really got him and had his back the best she could in a place where her words practically had as much affect as Y/n's did. He had a boyfriend and a potential best friend and room to be free... except that he wasn't free.

Why was this so hard?

"Y/n," Alfred interrupted, eyes wide and pleading. "Bruce needs you."

The last time Alfred had said that, Bruce had just witnessed their parents' murders. Y/n pushed down the boy he used to be that was fighting to resurface, trying to find at least a. Middle between then and now. They were so different... there was suddenly a battle again himself, and he was losing.

Finally, he just shut it all down. Everything else could wait for another time. "When can we leave?" Alfred smiled at his words, but Y/n suddenly had a terrible feeling in his gut. Why did he get the sense that everything was about to get really, really bad again?

-

"Penguins alive?" Y/n relaxed in relief.

Alfred frowned. "Yeah. Um-" He swallowed. "You've kind of really been involved with all the worst people recently, eh?"

Y/n actually scoffed at that, his lips curling in amusement. "I've met far worse people than Oswald, Alfred." He looked the butler in the face. "You might not like to hear this, but that redhead everyone in town hates so much? He wasn't the one who did this to me." Y/n motioned to his own face. "But the officer who did, did it for no other reason than because I'm gay." He let that settle for a second. Alfred seemed shaken a bit. It seemed to finally be dawning on him just what Y/n had been going through since his parents had died. "Now, enough about me." They'd finally pulled up to the GCPD building. "Let's get inside. Like you said: Bruce needs us."

Y/n had been required to be handcuffed, though he hadn't been put in a straight jacket and had been allowed to change into normal clothes as not to upset Bruce upon seeing him. He was still beat up pretty badly though, and had developed a limp as the adrenaline wore off and as his beating really sunk in. Alfred had to keep him handcuffed as they walked in, and the whole place went quite. It was becoming a habit that Y/n could walk into any room and immediately bring silence with him as he did so. All of Gotham had gotten to the point that they couldn't exactly make an opinion on Y/n Wayne. How did someone like him get born into a family like he had been, and turn out like this?

Gay and insane.

It had been in the newspaper. Someone, somewhere had gotten hold of the news that Y/n Wayne was gay and it had been released everywhere. Y/n had read the article a while ago. It's what had prompted Jerome to finally be more affectionate around other inmates, instead of just at night when they were in their cell together. People might give Y/n shit for being into dudes, but no one was going to mess with Jerome. He'd put his neck out for Y/n... It was becoming clear that few others would do the same. Maybe it was the insanity.

Y/n was brought to a room that was a different color than the walls at Arkham. The color outside had been overwhelming after seeing muted versions from a distance through windows that now, the dull color was kind of refreshing. Inside the room was Bruce, but he looked different. Y/n couldn't imagine the last time his younger brother had worn a turtle neck. His father used to try to get the boys to wear them all the time, but, especially in their youth, the boys had hated them and eventually their father had given up. Bruce hadn't worn one since they were both seven, when he used to just do whatever their dad told him to. And since when did he wear anything other than dark blue or black? Y/n found all his usual jokes about Bruce being a casual emo slip from his mind. He didn't know how to approach this new boy. He didn't know him.

To be fair, Bruce didn't really know him either.

"Hello, brother," Y/n greeted, unsure of how to go about this after all that stood between them.

Bruce narrowed his eyes. "Why are you here?"

Y/n sat down, scooting over as Alfred joined him with a second chair. "Just checking in," Y/n responded slowly. "Alfred told me about what happened. Getting kidnapped. Been there, it's not too fun."

Bruce rolled his eyes."You got kidnapped by a brainless psychopath. I got taken by someone who was trying to help me."

Y/n scoffed. "Help you? Bruce look at you. You're not yourself."

"I'm better," Bruce shot back. Y/n went quiet at that, looking at Alfred with raised eyebrows.

Alfred ignored the look. "Now we can talk all day, but what really matters is that you tell me what you meant when you said someone else was coming to Gotham. I thought that old fellow was the leader of the Council of the Owls, who else would be coming?"

An expression rested on Bruce's face. Far too complacent and calm. The Bruce Y/n was familiar with had the tendency to brood- this Bruce seemed to have no tendencies at all. No cares or anything. It was disturbing to say the least. "I want you both to leave."

"Well that ain't gonna happen, is it mate?" Alfred immediately matched. The butler crossed his arms. "You can't get rid of either of us that easy. Your brother here found time around being locked up to be here for you. Not much is getting us out of here."

"Especially with the city in chaos," Y/n cut in. "Not even your pals in the GCPD will be here to drag us away. Might as well end it now."

When Bruce didn't respond, Alfred leaned forward. "You have to remember who you are."

That seemed to set Bruce off. "I know who I am." Y/n scoffed. "I have a destiny," the younger boy continued, his volume raising as Y/n's mocking noise irritated him.

"Now you listen to me." Alfred had gotten very quiet. "That man that wanted you to detonate that bomb, whatever he promised you- freedom from pain, power - none of it, none of it was real. I want you to remember what is real."

"I know what's real!" Bruce yelled over the end of Alfred's sentence. Y/n tried not to smile. He really did. Bruce glowered as his older brother grinned at him. Mocked him. "You come in here and mock me? You're the crazy one. Don't you dare laugh at me like I'm the one who's lost my mind! I got vengeance for our parents' murder. That's real, and better than running around like an idiot with a lunatic murder!"

"You know NOTHING about lunacy," Y/n interrupted. "I've seen crazy. I've seen grown men beat on teenage boys and call it power. I've seen cops chase bad guys to predictable set ups and act like it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world. I've seen so called heroes save to be said innocent people, and then those evil little shits turn on those same heroes the first chance they get. I've seen love get ignored and then twisted. I've seen people laugh at pain and enjoy the suffering of others and then call themselves sane because that person who was dying was a bad guy, so who cares, right? I've seen people define good and bad like it's a dictionary entry and then immediately break the rules they lay down and still try to pass off as the victim of the story. THAT was real Bruce." Alfred put a hand on Y/n's shoulder, and it was only then when he realized he was crying. "I've seen stories about how evil and corrupt men are and how much women are victims, and then looked at Gotham and seen women in charge while I, a child, was raped by a woman again and again who was only using me for power." He cleared his throat. "Not to say that other people don't suffer, I just mean that everything is a grey area. What's real is bullshit and what's fake is seemingly the most honest option of those presented. Not everything is as clear as it pretends to be, Bruce. I'm supposed to be the crazy one. I was supposed to be the one who failed. I was supposed to be the screw up, but we're both in handcuffs and you were the one who was trying to ruin the lives of thousands of people just minding their own business. What was my crime, huh? Trying to be happy? Trying to be true to myself?" Y/n scoffed. "If only mom and dad could see you now."

"YOU SHUT UP!" Bruce screeched.

"Both of you calm down," Alfred snapped. "I was there when your parents had both of you. I took care of your mum and was there as you grew up. You used to be inseparable. No matter what anyone else did or said or thought, the Wayne brothers always had each others' backs. Good and bad is clear. Everyone is capable of it. Everyone does it. No one is innocent of evil, even in small amounts. Both of you have been idiots." He took a breath. "But you're also both my idiots." He looked between the two boys. "You're both my boys, even if I haven't been there for both of you." He looked at Y/n as he said that. "You want to talk about what's real? What's good?" He looked at bruce. "What's real is when you were sick as a kid, and your mum used to sit up with you every night and read to you when you fell asleep. That's real. Or when you were seven and you took that rowboat out and you got lost in that storm. Me and your dad were out, shouting and screaming, losing our minds, and when your dad found you, how he cried. That's real." He looked at Y/n. "When you were twelve and you came to your parents in tears because you couldn't understand why all the girls your age were talking about kissing you and you couldn't stop thinking about kissing the other boys. Your mum calmed you down and your dad told me that no matter what, they'd love you and you thought I didn't know but I did- all this time, I knew." Y/n felt his chest tighten. He felt terrible. "That was good, Y/n." Alfred gripping Y/n's shoulder. "When everyone came to your dad talking bad about you and they thought he'd laugh along, but he put an end to it immediately because you were still his son and he loved you. He was proud of you. When the news people came after you for secrets and they were nosey and pushy. When they crowded and stalked you because they'd caught wind that you had a dark secret and everyone wanted to know what the oldest Wayne son failure was hiding, and your dad nearly lost his mind on all of them, if your mum hadn't stepped in and stopped it cordially. THAT. Was. Good." Alfred returned to looking at Bruce, keeping his hand on Y/n's shoulder. "Your parents died in that alley four years ago, and maybe that man took away the pain of that night." This time he looked between the two boys. "Life has been hard since then, but there is no life, no love, without pain." He squeezed Y/n's shoulder and when the boy nodded, he returned his attention to Bruce. Bruce was the main focus right now, but Y/n had gotten the message. "He could not take away the love that your mum and dad gave you, that you still have in you- that you still have-" his voice broke as he reached over, pressing his hand against Bruce's chest, right over where his heart would be. "Right here." His hand finally dropped after a pause as he continued, "The same love I have for you. For both of you." His face flecked with. "I love you, Maser Bruce. Master Y/n. I would do anything for you. I would die for you. You must-" he cut off, focusing on Bruce. Y/n kept thinking Alfred was done focusing on him, but then Alfred would look at him again, and he hadn't felt so cared for or looked after since his parents had died. It all felt silly now... "You have to find that love again."

Every word hit home. Alfred was speaking to Bruce, but it was becoming more and more obvious that he was talking to Y/n too. Y/n reached over, his hand resting over Bruce's. "We both have to," he whispered softly. "You don't have to do it alone. I know it's been hard and chaotic, but I'm still your brother, Bruce. You're still my brother. And no matter what, you always have me."

Alfred leaned forward. "Come back to us, Master Bruce." There was a commotion outside and Alfred sighed before telling Y/n, "I'll be right back," and then leaving.

Bruce looked to his brother. "Did you mean what you said? I can depend on you?" Y/n nodded immediately. "Then get me out of here." Y/n went to argue but Bruce interrupted. "You can come with me and make sure I'm safe. But I HAVE to do this. I need to finish it. I need to see it through. I need to know if this really is my destiny. I need to understand-" he cut off, choked with emotion. But Y/n knew what he meant. The same thing that had driven him to follow Jerome Valeska of all people. That had gotten him to follow Penguin and ditch his family to begin with. There are just some things you have to do. So Y/n looked around, found a pen, and Bruce pick the locks on both of their cuffs before they booked it, side by side and headed for... something. Bruce hadn't cued Y/n into the plan this far.

In all honesty, it was just nice being by Bruce's side again.

They made their way through the city streets of Gotham at night until they got to a red door with the word "Yuyan" on the front. Bruce went in. Y/n followed. Inside was the statue of what looked like some kind of demon. There was a lot going on. Bruce didn't hesitate- he stepped up and began analyzing it. Y/n was still taking it in when he pulled something and the wall opened up, revealing a hidden passage. The brothers went inside, Bruce having to take Y/n's hand to get the older boy to follow him now.

The two walked down a staircase and through a tunnel. It seemed eery. Weirdly light and far too silent and empty. When people appeared, Y/n regretted his lament about there not being anyone around- they immediately attacked him. "No." Bruce said firmly. They stopped. Y/n looked at his brother with shock. Bruce's expression remained calm. Y/n's would be attackers simply pointed Bruce onward, making way for him to follow their direction.

Y/n hadn't been this scared in a long time. Surely he wasn't in danger. This was Bruce he was talking about. Golden Boy Bruce Wayne who used to cry when they were really little and Y/n would step on a bug. Who shut down after their parents died because he loved them so much that seeing their murder changed him... except that his heart of gold kept him from corrupting like Y/n had. He was driven by justice and refused to let up until evil was destroyed. Bruce Wayne was a hero.

And yet, when Y/n looked at the back of Bruce's head now, he didn't see his younger brother. He saw a man in a child's body. He saw a straight back that was well trained and perfectly postured. He saw clothes Bruce would never wear and a silence Bruce would prefer not to bear, especially with Y/n around to talk his ear off. He saw Bruce leading them down a tunnel of doom, being completely docile after someone tried to kill him. After he almost poisoned maybe hundreds of people with just the press of a button. After, of all people, he had chosen some random old dude weirdo over Alfred and almost killed one of two family members he still had left.

Very suddenly, Y/n realized that he hadn't realized how bad Bruce was. How dumb it was to follow after him right now. And he was more scared than he'd ever been. More scared than even when he looked in the face of a cold blooded, sadistic murderer who had completely lost his mind and only saw an endless world of things to fascinate him. More scared when the doors would close and all he saw was red lips curled in a devious smile as the one person he trusted the most took advantage of him. More scared than when that stupid guard had locked him in that room and he had really thought he was going to get beaten to death for being gay.

Bruce pushed two double doors open with each hand. They creaked as they opened slowly, revealing a room with a green pool in the middle. Bruce leaned over and Y/n stepped forward, reaching out to stop him. Then he felt a pain at the back of his head and everything went black.

-

Y/n woke up alone.

It was dark, but it only took him a few seconds to remember everything and realize where he was. He looked around- the pool was still there. Otherwise, the room was empty. Y/n groaned as he sat up, looking around again for signs of those people that had attacked him earlier. When he still saw no one, he stood and began walking back the way he'd come. It was even scarier now that he was alone. "Bruce?" He whispered into the empty hallway. He jumped at every noise, resulting in him eventually misstepping and tripping. He would have face planted if his scrambling abilities hadn't improved recently due to all the running away from cops and other crazies alike in his days by Oswald's side. Thankfully he didn't fall because, as he was noticing while trying to get his feet under him, there was blood on the floor.

Oh my god there was blood on the floor.

He sucked in a breath, beginning to look around again. "BRUCE?" His heart picked up and he felt the back of his eyes burning with tears. "Bru-" his shoulder hit a wall and he screamed. Shaking his head to calm himself, he pressed his lips together and retraced his path that he'd taken with Bruce to get in here. Eventually it lead him outside. Weirdly enough, the wall was open again. Which meant that he didn't have to figure out how this side of the trick worked... but it also meant he wasn't alone.

The night air outside was cool, the sun rising in the distance. He looked down at himself- he was filthy. He took a second to think. To remember. The last thing that had been clear to him was that he was absolutely terrified of Bruce.

That's right. Bruce wasn't... right anymore. Well, that meant he couldn't go home. He also couldn't just walk back into Arkham. They might think he'd done something if he came back, dirty and hysterical, without Alfred. So he went to the GCPD department instead, because where the else was he going to go?

He was inside for maybe a second before he saw a familiar face. His eyes went wide and his heart nearly stopped- in his vulnerable state, of course it would be the guard that almost beat him to death that would be there to greet him. The man smirked, tilting his head. "There you are. We were wondering when you'd find your way back." He approached the teenage boy, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Someone else approached. Y/n almost melted in relief to see Harvey Bullock. "What's going on here?" His eyes laded on Y/n. "What... I thought you were in Arkham."

"He was," the officer responded. Y/n had already forgotten his name from when Harleen had said it before. "Alfred Pennyworth came and got him out for the day. Needed him for some Wayne business. I'll be taking him back now."

Harvey looked confused by that. "Why? We were already debating letting him go. Now he's out, there's no reason to immediately put him back in." The guard seemed horrified by that idea. Harvey put his hands on his waist. "He didn't do anything wrong."

"Do you know what this boy is?" Y/n's heart sunk. "He's a homosexual."

Harvey's eyebrows rose. At first Y/n thought it was in surprise, but then he said, "So what?"

The guard looked stunned. "He needs help, Bullock. He was canoodling with Jerome Valeska in Arkham. In public. Like there's nothing wrong with that."

Now Harvey was surprised. Y/n swallowed his emotions and met the older cop's gaze evenly, sticking his chin up. Harvey sighed. Y/n didn't even have to say anything- the old man just seemed to... immediately understand. "He turned to someone who accepted him in a world of people who hate him." It was Y/n's turn to be surprised. "That's not punishable."

The guard scoffed. "Son, have you ever killed anyone before?" Y/n looked away. He thought about the first time he'd ever killed someone, and then thought about all the many times after that he'd done it himself or helped. Another experience he'd picked up while hanging with Oswald. "The thing won't even deny it. And he's proud to be with that redheaded psycho. There's something wrong with him, Commissioner. He needs to be detained and get some help."

Harvey and Y/n both knew that was not the reason the guard wanted Y/n back in Arkham. The two men looked at each other, both put down at the fact that they couldn't stop anything happening. Maybe Y/n should have lied. Maybe he should be fighting. Unfortunately, he'd just lost his little brother and he had no idea what kind of shape Alfred was in. Currently, he had to assume that Alfred was either dead or would be soon, if Bruce could help it.

The guard tugged Y/n's arm and they were headed back outside toward his car. "Thought you were gonna get away from me that easily, did you?" The guard growled under his breath, leaning close to Y/n so the Wayne boy would be the only one to hear. "I finally have a reason to get at you, you little shit. Things are only gonna get worse for you from here. Now I can say you've killed people. No one will stop me from knocking you now."

Y/n looked at the city one more time before he was shoved into the car. The guard pulled out a pair of cuffs and put him in them. He looked at the city the whole time. The entire ride, he took in every inch of it. Every dirty corner. Every dirty human. Every inch of the buildings- no matter how close, far, tall or small they were. If he could see it, he took it in as much as he could. Above everything else, he took in the sunrise.

Maybe it was the fact that Y/n might never see it again outside of Arkham, but it wasn't overwhelming this time.

It was beautiful.

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