#fucking. why did i keep going

[gascreates]

this is the only relationship that matters actually.

#shipping wars solved #atla #zuko #momo #me: im gonna do a short lil doodle! so i can feel like ive finished something! #me 12 hours later: #my hand hurts #this is not a short little doodle #fucking. why did i keep going

[6-2-aestheticsofhate]

I'm not sure what this is or why I drew it but here

#ultrakill #<- thats the only thing im tagging this god forsaken thing as #im going to be sick laughing at this i keep looking at it and fucking losing it #i saw a version of this w some anime characters and went. fuck i need to draw this with gabriel #horrible. horrible why did i draw this

[foldingfittedsheets]

My mom has this awful friend, Cynthia. My loathing goes deep enough that I’m not even going to change her name. If she ever finds this she knows what she did.

On multiple occasions my mom asked this horrible irresponsible chicken brained woman to watch after our animals while we were away. I don’t know why once wasn’t enough, because the first failure was so spectacular that anyone in their right mind would know she couldn’t be trusted with any level of responsibility or direction following.

You might be thinking to yourself, FFS, this level of antipathy is surely unwarranted! But you’d be wrong.

To set the scene, we were living in downstairs of our house when I was about fifteen. My mom has always wanted more animals than can reasonably be kept indoors which is how we ended up with three cats. When she wanted to kick them all outside I protested, and so all three cats lived in my bedroom with no access to the rest of the house.

That really wasn’t great, so in an attempt to give them options we made a window cutout with a cat door in it to give them access to the outdoors. Looking back on this as an environmentally conscious adult it’s wretched, cats should be indoor only, but at the time I was desperate to give them some freedom because one bedroom is too small for three cats.

So my parents and I went on a week long trip to visit family out of state. We told Cynthia to come feed and water the cats, and to scoop the litter box. Most importantly, don’t lock the handle of the door, because we only have the key to the deadbolt.

I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Cynthia locked us out. We arrived home after 12 hours on the road, desperate for the comfort of our own beds. We were met with an unyielding door. With a sigh I volunteered, “I can punch in the cat door and climb in the window.”

I slipped behind the bamboo outside my window and pushed in the cutout. A horrible insidious reek wafted out at me. I paused, prickling with foreboding. But I had a job to do, and by god I’d see it through. I hefted myself up into the window and my hand immediately landed in something wet.

Skin crawling, I pulled myself up and surveyed the darkened room as a miserable odor of decay and suffering poured out of the room around me. I could see dark shapes littering the carpet and it didn’t take a genius to guess that the cats had taken up hunting in a big way during my absence.

I pulled my hand out of the pile of vomit it had landed in and dropped into my onetime bedroom turned now into a hellpit of decomposing wretchedness. I turned on the light. I wished I had not turned on the light.

My eyes scanned across the floor, tallying as they went. Two dead birds, a dead baby rabbit, five dead mice, and one dead snake. I paused on my alarm clock, perplexed to see a stain of white on it. I stepped closer and saw a furtive movement.

The tally suddenly contained also: one live bird that had shit in several places, probably in pure terror to find itself trapped in a room littered with decomposing woodland creatures, which honestly, fair. I coaxed it out the window and finished the survey with five discrete piles of vomit.

I unlocked the door and let my parents in. They exclaimed in disgust at the horrible smell. We stood together in my doorway floored by the magnitude of neglect. The unscooped litter box was a subtle footnote in the tangible reek my living space. I disposed of the parade of ecological disaster, cleaned vomit, and scooped the box after a brutally long day on the road. The cats were fine, and happy to see me. They had a huge dish or food and water so Cynthia’s neglect at least hadn’t harmed them.

Then I slept on the couch while my bedroom aired out, the windows flung wide to dispel the uneasy ghosts of the hunted. I spent the whole night cursing Cynthia’s name for this evil she’d visited upon me. When my mom asked her, "Cynthia, didn't you see the dead animals?"

Cynthia responded, "Yes, they smelled so bad, I just ran in and out as fast as I could." I fully don't believe she did any caretaking, and I'm personally of the opinion that she locked herself out on the first day and never came back.

The next day my room had returned to a habitable level of smellscape and I gratefully crawled into my bed that night. I stretched out and froze as my foot brushed something cold and wet?

The final indignity: one last dead snake, inside my very sheets.

Fucking Cynthia.

#ramblies #story #ffs foibles #keep your cats inside #but also looking back like why didn't I change my sheets #I did not have good bed hygiene instilled in me from my parents #later that lady would go on to leave a huge metal dish of dog food in the middle of the yard #despite the fact that we told her over and over not to feed the dog because he was on a diet #and I knew not to trust her so my friend was coming twice a day to feed him his portioned out meals #he gained like ten pounds in the week we were gone eating rained on mushy dog food #that fucking woman was a menace

[soracities]

if we should protect children because they are vunerable, this means you would protect cruel children who bullies people who different than them then. the children who responsible to trauma for someone else's entire years

You're assuming that "protecting" children is the same as absolving them of responsibility and that's not what I said. All children are vulnerable, because all children are children; they don't come out of the womb with a perfectly working moral compass anymore than they come out of it waiting to hurt people--they're vulnerable because their understanding of the world is entirely at the mercy of what we, as adults, consistently tell them and show them. Children behaving cruelly aren't exempt from that--they learn that cruelty from somewhere, or someone. Your job, as the adult, is to make sure they understand that it's unacceptable so it will not happen again--but your job is also to ask why someone that young is behaving this way to begin with, so you can ensure they become better.

"Protecting" kids is not ignoring when they hurt or torment others, it's not refusing to teach them consequences or right from wrong, it's not "zero tolerance" policies in schools that treat a child being bullied and the child bullying them as equal instigators, and it's certainly not protecting them from recognizing, and atoning for, the pain they have caused someone else. You don't have to make peace with the now-adults who hurt you when you both were kids, but you cannot let the horrors of your own childhood impact how you treat or respond to the children living theirs around you right now, either.

You don't protect kids so they can get a free pass for bullying or tormenting another child. You protect them because kids are impulsive, emotionally reactive, and profoundly social (which means deeply impressionable) human beings who are still learning & processing insane amounts of information every day about what it means to be alive, to be alive as yourself, to be alive as yourself with other people. Protecting them is realising that you can't isolate the responsibility of a 10 year old from the bigger responsibility of the literal grown adults around them, adults who are in charge of teaching them about the world and how to behave in it. Whether you have children of your own in the future or not is completely irrelevant to this; we all become those adults eventually--no matter what happened to us as kids.

#ask #Anonymous #i dont want to keep repeating myself on this but we're all carrying fucked up and traumatizing childhoods to some extent and if you want to #spare another child going through the same thing the solution is not to hate on children bc they didnt ask to be born any more than the res #of us did. but they're here now and what are you going to tell them while they are? #what kind of an adult and what kind of a compass are you going to become for them during the time they're learning about being alive? #and if you decide its not your problem the minute this child says or does something fucked up and that they're a lost cause at the age of 8 #bc their impulse control is shitty and their empathy & understanding is still buffering then that is part of the problem. they learn what #they're doing is okay and then they keep doing it--to other kids and years later other adults. our world is fucked up and makes fucked up #people and if you have it in your ability to limit that damage at its most formative and dangerous point then why wouldn't you? #notes from elsewhere

[beanghostprincess]

Zoro would cringe so much if he looked back at his past self from when he met Luffy.

Past!Zoro: I can't cut this cell! Guess I'll just carry with my bare hands the guy I just met and instantly fell in love with while I'm bleeding out.

Zoro: Ughhhuhhshhhgughhh what are you doing iughhh it's so fucking lame why did I do that???? I couldn't even cut the damn thing and then I just carried Luffy like that ughhhhwghhh

Nami: This has to be so embarrassing for you right now

Zoro: Ughwhhhhhhughhh I was so weak back then

Nami: And you wanted Luffy so bad-

Zoro: Fuck you. Shut up. Shit, I was a loser. I hate myself. Iughghhh.

#that awkward moment when you remember you carried your crush while he was inside a cell you couldn't cut yet #and you had basically just met your crush #i just think zoro would be so embarrassed about his past self #like the guy hates past!zoro with a passion for doing stuff like that #and then he keeps doing it now too #one day he'll remember wano and go 'oh fuck did i really say that why did i say that' at every little interaction with luffy #sometimes zoro deserves to be a bit of a failguy i think #one piece #roronoa zoro #cat burglar nami #monkey d. luffy #romance dawn trio #zolu

[oldkamelle]

Still accepting Ideas? If so, Spy asking advice on Sniper on how to tell Scout that he is his dad.

#tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 fanart #traditional art #traditional comic #pen doodles #oldart #mercs #(gently holds your hands) anon. what the fuck. /lh #this was such a behemoth of an idea cuz it raises so many questions?? #why would spy suddenly want to tell scout the truth given how he only chose to when scout was two seconds away from dying #(also. cant remember which comic this is but when spys about to drive off after scout begs him to take him as well #he only does so when scout mentions his ma so thats on my mind as well) #hes never shown like he feels the need to yknow #if spy decided to tell scout the truth why would he be asking for advice like wouldnt he want to keep it out of anyone elses business #(which fair enough wouldnt really happen given scout but eeh) #also he already did it good enough besides the cosplaying #and if spy for some reason was gonna ask for advice why would he go to sniper specifically #did i answer any of these questions in this mess? #the answer to that is the same as to 'do i have a good understanding of the characters' or 'do i have storytelling skills' #which is to say no #i also couldnt think of a way to make it funny to try and get away with that so i had to go with the more serious route so #anyway. sincerely hope its good enough anon (thumbs up)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thank you WH update for confirming that Wally breathes. i really thought he didnt <3

#but also fuck it for confirming that bc it sounds like hes in pain and it hurts my shriveled heart #(keep it up the pain is top tier <3 hurt him more. but also dont. but Do. i want the emotional agony attached) #but uhhhhh seriously tho i did Not expect breathing to be in his library of skills #absolutely unprompted #welcome home #'why is that' i hear one person passively wonder #well considering that he doesnt sleep. and he doesnt eat normally - one could argue that he Doesnt eat either. #and how he Knows hes a puppet. #i really thought he wouldnt feel an innate need to keep up a charade of 'breathing' like the others who are Unaware! #BUT IT TURNS OUT ITS NOT A CHARADE AHAHA #THEY KINDA NEED TO APPARENTLY! at least i can assume so #but i was Genuinely surprised to hear wally's labored breathing in his hidden record audios #i almost paused the first one i heard to go 'what??? he can breathe??' #i had convinced myself of it so Thoroughly that i need to edit some stuff in my brain #bc oh boy i had Thoughts completely centered on that #oh well! into the fire they go!! #im happy for him. puppet man gets to enjoy the annoyance that is breathing

[nepnepian]

Imagine if Ky was allowed to be a Dad. No conclave breathing down his neck, and no threat of his family being hurt. Can you imagine just how badly he'd spoil tf out of Sin?

Like honestly, it blows my mind that people keep saying "Ky hates his own kid." When that's actually far from the truth. the whole reason why he sent Sin with Sol is because Sin would be safer that way. If Ky was allowed to raise Sin with Dizzy, with no immediate threat of "do whatever we say or your family dies", you cannot convince me that he wouldn't be the most loving Dad on the planet.

You need to remember that Ky grew up without parents in a war-torn world, having to survive on his own at age 5 when his mother was killed. He most likely wouldn't want anyone else to experience that, especially not his own child. You cannot tell me that in the scenario where Ky wasn't being forcibly worked to death and back that he wouldn't be making sure Sin had everything that he didn't in his childhood, something I'm sure he tried his best to still do in Canon, despite the situation, but in the end was unable to do alot that he wanted to for Sin because of the aforementioned Conclave.

Am I saying Ky would be perfect? No. I don't think that really exists, but if Ky was allowed to, I do genuinely think he'd be a pretty good Dad all things considered.

#guilty gear #ky kiske #sin kiske #Nep's shower thoughts. #this post is really unpolished but I just woke up and by god did i get hit by the Ky Kiske beam #i feel so incredibly strongly about this #ky loves his family guys why elsw would he go through hell and back to keep them safe from the fucking benadryl hatmen counsel.

[fernsensei]

Hi can I have the V1 and Gabriel stuck together in a little wooden boat lost at sea. thank you. please make them comically adorable and useless. I want to see V1 staring at fish wistfully and Gabriel curled up and maybe hopeless even while he has wings.

hihihi!!! sorry for the long reply i was doing stuff. but anyway here you go!

i hope they are as adorable and as useless as you'd expect bc i giggled so hard on the final piece my head got dizzy

#and im still laughing. gabriel is so miserable in that fucking boat #i think thats the peak of my artistic skill it just can't go any better #its such a silly idea i keep laughing just by only thinking bout it #how did they get in the boat? why they cant do a thing about it? who knows #FUCK i forgot the fish sorry #drawing this honestly made my day thank you so much for the request!!! #*kisses you gently on the forhead* #*but only if youre okay with kissing on the forhead of course* #ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #ultrakill fanart #art #the rumours say he still giggles about this up to this day.....

[uncanny-tranny]

Crochet/knit life hack: If you crochet or knit a big, fluffy blanket, you can cuddle under it when you finish while you make other projects

#art #fiber art #crochet #knit #i'm doing this right now!! #this blanket is in my FAVOURITE COLOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! #i'm kind of iffy about the yarn itself but it's really soft and again in my favourite colour so i will deal with it #i'm just excited because i feel like i find few things readily available in this deep golden/mustard yellow. it's sad tbh #like of COURSE i can order yellow things but that doesn't mean it's the same yellow irl as it is in a store do you get me? #that's why i don't really want to buy yarn online because the colours could look different on the site versus in my hand #it's actually amazing to me that i can make a blanket and my hard work will keep me warm... #(well also the hard work of the people who made the yarn but i did also do my part) #i'm going to start calling myself a cozy crocheter (i'm making a lot of cozy-themed projects lmaoo)

[moonilit]

just went through the second part of the AQ and to put it mildly, im not handling these sad Victorian children well

#By not handling it well i mean im crying #LUMINE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU #You worried about fucking CHILDE but not the actual CHILDREN we got in prison????????????? #Who cares if childe is dead or not freminet the actual child nearly got dissolved like mentos in coke! #Who cares about childe here??? Lynette nearly had her ptsd triggered lyney DEFINITELY got at least a panic attack #THEY ARE AT THE FUCKING PRISON WOMAN GET IT TOGETHER #also why are we having visions about childe ew and why are they fully cinematic?? Who is filming??? #Like childe funny as a meme to observe but don’t actually get him that close don’t test me know ur place #When did we even become that close with childe??? Im sorry what??? #I can’t keep seeing them kids in life threatening situations on trial then this???? #Arlecchino you are on a THIN FUCKING ICE #Im watching you!! Im watching you you better not turn into an abuser by actual standards #*break into genshin codes* stay right were you are sweetie im coming rn im going to get you out of this game into a loving family #Im not handling this well #genshin impact #freminet #lyney #lynette #yes I know im the last human on earth to do the quest leave me alone it been a busy time #Im going to kill anyone that get between me and the safety of these kids CHILDE GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY PLOT YOU ARE MAKING THIS TAKE TIME

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL #its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed #because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH #how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would #be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing #or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late #i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed #the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either #because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember #the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either #the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with #crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure #BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION #im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real #really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and #thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT #you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without #making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY #yapping #doodles #puppysona #edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule #and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened

[lostmf]

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognize anywhere

…

Why did you ..

#sadnees #can you hear me #you broke my heart #this is a cry for help #heart been broke so many times #i still love you #the day i loved you #i loved you #i am in pain #heart break #you broke my fucking heart #heartbreak #heartbroken #please #please please please #please help #denial #hopelessly devoted to you #greif #you’re losing me #losing myself #did you miss me? #i miss him #did you go and make promises you can't keep? #how could i do this to myself #don’t let me down #just why #whyyyy #emotional wounds #spilled emotions

[transmasccofee]

guys when they think about

#ITS SO FUCKED UP ITS SO SO FUCKED UP ASOU WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME #WHAT IS YOUR ISSUEE #i have talked about this chapter a thousanf times and i will talk about it a thousand more #its just that slap in the face at the end #“you don’t understand the way i feel either do you?” #= “don’t end your life for something as stupid as this. At least you have a reason to keep going. I don’t.” #its actively ruining my life i lay awake at night at just think about this #tw suicide

[samarecharm]

i love makoto so much but fanon does her so much better (the good parts of the fandom) because in the game her character is so lack luster. they butchered her confidant it is so borning and not even about her. they made her a cop. A COP. they pushed this "canon waifu" role onto her (before sumire came along and did it Even Worse). and it SUCKS because SHE IS SO MUCH MORE!!! SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!! SHE COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!!! the way i feel about canon makoto is the same way i feel about the canon ryuji events post komoshida where he's horribly mistreated and used purely as comic relief: i ignore them <3 my game now <3 never happened <3 my ocs <3

You are so right. I generally apply this to all characters in p5 bc the game does such a shit job of staying consistent with character arcs and personalities. Theres a desperate need to throw in perverse jokes at the expense of female characters and a need to show that the police (as a whole) are reliable people who are not influenced by things like money and power; only the BAD cops do that. Not to mention this obvious fatphobia and homophobia but i feel likes thats a given.

But back to Makoto. Shes a victim of bad writing just like everyone else. Ryuji during the kamoshida arc was fighting with self loathing and genuine anxiety, and aside from the like. One comment on Panthers outfit in the metaverse, hes more than well behaved. All of that is shelved as soon as Kamoshida is gone and replaced with him being weird comic relief (and the focus of alot of sexual jokes that were nonexistent in the beginning of the game). Anns arc about self love and empowerment is completely dropped as soon as the nasty bad guy is put away (so that its good to be weird about her w the Good Guys). Makoto loses her a chunk of her personality to be the mature waifu which is INSANE to me bc shes like. Not okay or normal at all 😭😭😭 she THINKS shes responsible and so does everyone else on her team, but its an act! She doesnt know shit! And she doesnt know that she doesnt know shit bc shes respectful and adults dont care about anything as long as u respect them!

Its very telling that for literally every single thief (and goro), you can see the exact moment the writers gave up on adding anything of worth to their characters outside of the social links. Its like they didnt know what to even do w the characters at their disposal after their main arcs were complete. No mention of friends hanging out without you, no mention of having group hangouts. Everyone is treated as a core, important member of the friend group DURING their arc, but outside of it, they are acquaintances at best. Theres nothing in the game that convinces you that these guys are legitimately friends who care for each other and do Friend Things. And i describe it like that bc there IS a game that treats them all as friends, and its strikers! Strikers/Scramble genuinely feels like the game p5 wanted to be; a road trip w your team where they stay up at night talking to each other and hanging out and doing things together that dont necessarily include you, the player. Its refreshing and lovely but it sucks that u get that kind of attention to detail in a ‘spinoff’ title

#chattin #i hesitate to use spinoff bc its a pretty big game #and theres an amazing plot with wonderful characterization #and their handling of jails and jail owners is LEAGUES better than the bs they tried to make up w palace users #and all the thieves feel like family. and not in the annoying fandom way; like #were family in the same way a family is forged and tended to. i love you. no one is left behind. no one is made to feel inferior another #its really good and honestly if u want more interactions between everyone i really recommend a playthrough #but yeah #p5 sucks #i love it but i love the version of it i made in my head LMAO #maybe p5r did a better job w the dialogue and some questionable scenes #(i wouldnt know. i didnt play it lol) #so maybe thats what people need to be using as a point of reference #but i only plyed p5 so this is what i have; a group of people who show up for meetings and then go about their life #and that kinda sucks. why make this wholly unique experience in which these teens can only relate to each other #make them bonded over their shared experience w this unbelievable world #and then not only make them NOT interact; but have the end be ‘okay by akira.’ and leave it at that #they just. didnt know what to do w anyone #they needed their girls to be waifubait and the boys to be an afterthought #they needed a buffet of older woman for pathetic men to fuck through their self insert #and they needed a story convoluted enough to keep people stuck trying to figure it out themselves #its bad. its so bad. its so fucking bad. but i have to be here. WE have to be here. #bc who else is going to take these characters out of hell and treat them right ??!!!

[scopophobia-polaris]

Honestly could we throw out the idea that totk's story issue is that it isn't consistent with the lore of the older games but instead drops intresting world building from botw because it might have gotten actually dark

#seriously eveeyone keeps up bring up the triforce not being the same like the older games instead of HEY why DOES the royal family just..... #have it #like all of it #and was the sheikah tech from the last game that functions the same was as light arrows/the biden blast was uh #how do i put this #how did they weaponize lightmagic in robots and does this all tie in with the “banishment” thing #or idk dropped point from botw zelda's fucking chracter arc #i know it ended with LOOOK!!!! YOU FUCKED UP BY DOING WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS RIGHT #But damn they could of just not done that shit in totk making her just the #what was jt #idk man they just keep taking away her agency #man and it sucks cuz the dragon is so cool but mf shes forced to do it what she gonna do stay in the past and DIE? #idk man it just all feels hasty. makes me sad #and it sucks cuz a lot of shit shit is really cool and intresting but man idk i may become a botw zelda deserved a better weiter for her #becuase girl she needs a break. not saying chracters cant go through hardship #but there is something so nasty about the framing of youll never be anything but eveey past princess zelda trope and nothing more #instead of a crystal she turns into a dragon like guys this is the same as skyward sword but idk man is it werd to say #when Hylia does it aginst a thing that wants to steal the god triangles and is also a god its like yeah you had no other choice #how the fuck did one fuckass stone make ganondorf into a god like being you would think that like #mannwhy are the stones THAT powerful and why werent the other bitches able to take them down what because #did #did rauru give sonia the equivalent of the one ring at their wedding hey wait a fuck #sorry for all my spelling mistakes but what the fuck man