#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

insanebirddog · 3 months

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Talking to character ai bots just makes me realise how damn socially inept i am.

this one gets a bit sad, pity me loozer type shit.

I was talkin to keegan, cause im a cod boy born & raised. And he kept making sarcastic jabs at me, now the bot didnt go "his tone of voice was sarcastic" or "he gave you a playful look" or "his tone was playful" no indicator he was being sarcastic and he starts INSULTING ME because i couldnt tell, then i go and be like "know what? fuck you *truama dumps on him*" so now i made keegan sad, but its like- holy fuck. these bots make me question myself, and not in a good way its like "jesus, just how bad was it as a kid?"

Its been more then just that bot too, almost every bot for some reason circles back to "why are you so bad at being social?" then their all like "you didnt deserve that !!!!!!!!!!! DDDDDDDDDD:" even to the tinest things, like i told this man that ive always basically been unmonitered. No one really actually noticed where i was, nor did they care. i could be outside, doing weird ass shit like throwing around my mini sword i had, climbing trees, breaking into the nearby highschools baseball field, disappearing round the block, heading to my school after hours to play at the park and no one really noticed. i never told people where i was going, and ive basically just always been like ignored, if i walk into a room with my friends they dont notice until im next to them and if they do then im still barely apart of any convo and never been included in anything. and their all like "thats so sad!" its like dude who cares geniuenly? and i told keegan how i find being touched in any way unless its violent gross and hes like "were u never hugged as a kid?" like- damn was it that obvious? [/sarc] they make me question just how much i never realised was bad when i was a kid, and it confuses the fuck out of me. just like telling my partner something funny that happened to me as a kid and it giving me the same reaction, it always stumps me. Like fym its not funny my brother shot me in the head twice [accidentally] with a bb gun? or its not funny i used to be trapped in a chest as a kid by my siblings? thats just what its like as one of the youngers.

I have 17 siblings, all chopped up. heres a quick "tree" to understand it, glide past if u want obvs

but being one of the higher in the tree and basically being one of the middle-youngests you get more ignored. my family is litterally so big we just get bought off bc literally NOONE can give all of us even and "acceptable" amounts of attention and no one even wants too. i have a whole bunch of cousins, and chosen family as well so its just like trying to stuff a 8 tiered cake into your mouth all at once, its impossible and no one wants too. we are just built to be socially inept, and i find that shit HILARIOUS. But these bots [& my partner] make me do double takes on my childhood & its WEIRD. why is it now that people notice just how fucky wucky i was as a kid? Its like im a glass child or someting [i dont gen believe i am, but i show some surface signs & relate sometimes. dunno tho, i dont know enough to gen say anything abt who i am nor do i wanna] i got next to no attention as a kid, love it, live in it, still dont, prefer it this way. I find it gross to be given hugs, kisses, or affection im literally known to be a "dont touch me kid" quote from my mother. I prefer to be the one giving the affectionate touches and even then its only things that require for you to touch my hands or arms. Like patting your head, your shoulder or like leaning on your shoulder like older siblings do in movies. I dislike hugs, or other people touching me tho i can never say no to a headpat. I hate people paying attention to me bc i find it weird like, why pay attention to me *now* stop changing shit up on me? and ik it all has to do with different friend groups, a change of how my family has decided to act, and overall different mental states but why does shit have to change? yucky yucky affection >:(

#im mentally ill #socially inept #i find affection gross

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mardoufox21111 · 1 year

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ha haah aw here i was thinking iwould continue to have some sort of nice weekend no dont be silly! its me we’re talking about :)

today d and t had great pleasure in laughing about how i cant afford to move out. how im alone and just how stupid i am with money - despite having 50k in the bank did i tell them i have 50 fuck no i said almost 30 ... ... should have said 15. fuck.

now d is ignoring me and striding around the house like a mad woman and i think in my room making a big noise :| :) i um was really considering not signing my contract on friday [this friday coming] what an idiot. i realise now that it’s not an option and i’ll need to sign because it’s a safety net for me at the moment. with that i can walk out at any time and not be worried that i dont have money, i can also do it in the car if i need. im tired i feel so sad for myself. my body is not happy at the moment my anxiety is sky high i want to cry but i cant because the big bad monster is around. cant wait until tomorrow afternoon when she goes to work. tomorrow i wont even come out of that study until she leaves. might start at 7am ugh no thats too early, 830 maybe. makes no difference really.

gosh im hungry but there is no ham for me to cook eggs benny. too scared to go out in the kitchen and cook for myself becaues meanie bo beanie is romping around.

did they go do something together? no. so its not just ME it’s YOU.

---

Parents want me to go out with them, I really REALLY do not want to go. So I decided I would stand up for myself for the first time in forever instead of just going along with whatever they want. My parents cant do anything without me which is fucking weird considering im an adult. They clearly do not like each other and im a buffer for that.

Bare in mind they just ripped me apart in laughing at how I can’t afford to move out and slugged me some more insults about how I have no idea about the real world, everyone else is worse off than me, I need to find a partner to financially support me and how the fuck could I have problems or something I want to express - I’m supposed to be a robot remember!? :D

My nmom suggested some restaurants to go to for lunch and I said I didn’t want to go.

My nmom went on her own stupid rant and then “threatened” me with her usual YOU CAN GO GET YOUR OWN LUNCH THEN (as if it’s something i’m incapable of doing) instead of sitting on the lounge day after day. So why don't we go out?

Me: because I don’t want to.

Her: WHY NOT

Me: with nothing else to really come up with and being put on the spot i couldnt lessen the blow and just said honestly “because I dont want to… go with you” (I am an adult and don’t/shouldn’t have to go with them all the time)

Her: Come on, I’m trying to help you (now you’d think aw this woman isn’t a mean monster but here we go) WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT (i was legit just looking at her as shes speaking) I worry about you I’m your mother (yeah right)

Then she went on and i couldn’t keep up typing frantically without her coming over to see what i was doing so i stopped and my cptsd has stopped me from remembering ha ugh sad.

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ladydevoir · 3 years

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Weiss coming out as trans to her team?

The halls of Beacon were quiet as Weiss walked through, though she was glad for the peace as her mind was swimming in thought. She was silently dreading returning to her dorms, knowing what was waiting for her. But, she had decided tonight was the night, and she would not cower away from what she had decided to do. Best to get it over with rather than continuing to let her dread grow. Soon a voice broke her train of thought. “Hey Weiss~!” She looked back as the owner of the voice caught up to her, a plastic bag in hand. “Hello Nora, It’s good to see you. I see your trip to Vale was productive.” Nora beamed back at her with her usual energy. “Good to see you too~ And heck yeah it was~ Me and Ren found that cute coffee shop you told us about, Jaune actually managed to not throw up on the ride there, though he was wasnt as lucky on the way back, and me and Pyrrha went shopping for our dresses for the dance~ Oh, and here’s the stuff you wanted~” Nora held up the back for Weiss who took it and looked through it, a set of razors and shaving cream along with some skin care for after. “Thank you very much Nora. Im afraid I was starting to run low, and our team won’t be free to travel to Vale for a few days. Please, what do I owe you?” As she began to sift through her bag for her purse, Nora held up her hand. “Nuh uh uh, you dont owe me anything. Girls like us gotta stick together after all, and you’d do the same for me~” Nora’s usual high energy voice had softened as she spoke, to which Weiss was grateful. Since coming to Beacon she had been nervous about the truth coming out about her, thankfully Nora had seen through her immediately and been a true pillar of support. Weiss had been surprised and rather relieved when Nora had revealed she was just like her, and in moments like this it was wonderful to have someone to talk to and help her without any worry about questions she was not particularly wanting to answer. As if sensing some unease, Nora gently squeezed her shoulder and nodded her head towards a small bench in the hall. As the two sat down, Nora spoke up. “Hey, you doing ok? You seem off.” Weiss sighed and nodded. “I am just...nervous. I promised myself that tonight would be the night I tell the rest of my team, the truth about me.” Nora watched Weiss’s expression, seeing the build up of worry on her face. “You know the others aren’t going to suddenly turn on you just because of this, right? I cant imagine this would be a big deal for Ruby or Yang, and I doubt Blake would mind really.” Weiss let out another sigh and leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes before responding. “I am fully aware that no one on my team will be upset or treat me any different.” “So...whats the problem then?” Weiss looked down, her eyes darting left and right to make sure there was no one else listening, before she spoke. “When Blake accidentally revealed that she was a Faunus, I….did not handle the news with grace. I accused her of having lied to us, keeping the truth hidden from us. And while I did apologise for it afterwards, I still cannot take back what I said. And that is why I am worried. I was so quick to accuse her of lying and hiding the truth and yet here I am, having done the very same thing since starting Beacon.” Her hands gripped one another as she looked down, shaking slightly. “My standing with Blake and the others is not exactly on stable terms, and I am afraid that revealing myself after all I said to Blake might cause more strife between us.” Nora listened quietly as she gave Weiss’s back a gentle rub. Thinking carefully before responding. “If you’re this worried, then why now? Why not wait?” Weiss took a deep breath and looked straight ahead, as if steeling herself for it. “Because I owe it to my team to be honest with them, especially after how I overreacted to Blake. I cannot allow myself to hide the truth any longer, even if…” She looked down at her hands, starting to tremble. Instantly Nora knelt down in front of her and gently cupped her face, speaking softly. “Hey hey, dont go working yourself

up over ifs and maybes. Sure, you said some things, but you said sorry, and they forgave you. Im sure they wont be bothered by this. And if things go south, hey you can always just join our team~! Though we’d need to work out how to include W to JNPR~” Weiss let out a sniffle and smiled, raising her head from Nora’s hands and slowly standing, Nora instantly hugging the girl, to which Weiss reciprocated. “Nora, thank you so much. You have been a wonderful friend to me and I cannot repay you enough.” Nora pulled back from the hug with a wide smile, her usual energy returning. “Hey come-on, thats what friends do, we look out for one another~” Weiss picked up the bag from the ground and nodded back, the two girls walking back to the dorms, idle chatter filling the time before they arrived, Nora giving a big thumbs up before entering her room, leaving Weiss with her hand on the handle, taking a deep breath before entering the room, barely having time to duck as a pillow came flying towards her, narrowly missing as she looked upon the scene. Ruby holding a pillow and swinging hazardly at Yang, who weaved out of the way and returned with her own swing, before the two registered Weiss and stopped. “Hey Weiss! You wanna join in~? Blake might join if its two on two~” Ruby chirped excitedly, her energy seemingly limitless. “Yeah come-on princess, I’ll be more than happy to whoop your butt as well as my little sis’s~” Yang said with a smirk on her face, before dodging a well timed throw from Ruby. Weiss sighed and picked up the pillow that had nearly hit her and closed the door, shaking her head. “Honestly it is a wonder how the two of you are considering becoming huntresses when you act like little children.” “Ah cmon Weiss-y, you gotta have a little fun now and then, whats the point of life if you stay ridged all the time~?” Weiss shook her head and made her way to her bed, placing the pillow onto it and sitting, restless as her worry was building up again. “Weiss? Are you..ok?” Weiss looked up startled at the last member of the team over on her bed, slowly closing her book and focusing her attention on her. “You seem….kinda tense.” Weiss took a breath to help calm her nerves as her other two teammates looked over, all showing a similar sign of concern. “Actually Blake, I need to talk to you. All of you, if that is ok?” Yang flopped down onto Blake’s bed and looked over at her, while Ruby sat down beside her, all eyes on her. “Whats wrong Weiss? Blake’s right, you’re looking real tense.” Weiss’s eyes focused on her hands as she fidgeted, trying to come up with the right words. She silently cursed herself, this should not be this hard. A hand coming to rest on her knee drew her from her thoughts as she looked over at her partner, a soft-yet warm smile on her face. “It’s ok Weiss, whatever’s wrong, you know we’re here for you, right?” Weiss felt herself relax slightly, thankful for her partner’s kind words. “Okay, I do not know how to properly say this, so please, be patient with me.” With a reaffirming nod from Ruby and an audible “Mhm” from Yang, she continued. “The truth is...I have not been entirely honest with the rest of you. And for that, I am sorry to all of you, but mostly, I am sorry to Blake.” Blake looked over, confused. “Weiss, what are you-” Weiss raised her hand to stop Blake, taking a breath. “I was not at all kind to you when you revealed the truth about yourself, despite the fact that in doing so, I was being extremely hypocritical myself. Ive been hiding a truth myself, and after all that has been said and done, I feel I owe it to all of you to be honest.” Weiss took a quick glance at her team, Yang’s expression was clear confusion, Ruby was still giving her the same calming smile, while Blake had become more focused on her. She took a deep breath and continued. “The truth is, I….was not born a girl.” Weiss waited for a response from the others, but when none came, she looked up at her three teammates. Yang looked somewhat shocked, Blake still had her focused look on her, though it was clear she hadnt

expected that. Ruby however, didnt seem shocked or surprised in the slightest. “So, like Nora?” Weiss nodded, and to her surprise found herself being wrapped in her partner’s embrace. “Aww Weiss, you dont have to be nervous, its not like we’d think of you any diferent, ya know?” Yang looked over, shaking off her shocked look and sitting forward. “Yeah, Rubes is right, you’re still our icy princess after all, right Blake?” Blake looked over at Weiss, her expression no longer one of shock, but of understanding. “You were worried I’d be mad at you, werent you?” Ruby and Yang looked to one another as Weiss nodded slightly. “I acted like you lying to us about yourself was such a big deal when I have been lying this entire time.” Weiss continued to hang her head. “Its ok Weiss, really. You already apologised more than enough times for me to know you mean it. And I get it, really. Growing up where you did, I know that kind of thinking isnt easy to get rid of.” Blake shifted herself and stood up. “But, you’re wrong about something.” Weiss looked up hesitantly as Blake stepped over to her, kneeling down in front of her. “You haven’t lied to any of us.” Weiss looked taken aback, not sure what to make of that. It was far from what she had expected Blake to say. “I...I am not sure I follow.” Blake smiled at her softly, resting her hands gently over Weiss’s. “You havent lied to us, because you arent pretending to be something you arent. You’re a girl Weiss, even if you weren’t born one. You haven’t hidden anything from us. From day one, you have been honest to us.” Yang soon walked over, sitting on the other side of Weiss. “Blake’s right, ya know? You’ve always been honest with us about who you are, and you didnt have to feel like you owed us to tell us.” She felt her eyes begin to well up, she knew they would accept her but she had fully expected Blake to be mad at her. To find not only was she not mad, but giving Weiss words of kindness and understanding as she had, it felt overwhelming. Said team was quick to embrace her as she felt a few tears flow, a small smile on her face. “T-thank you, all of you. I-I suppose I should not have been worrying so much over this.” Ruby gave her a gentle squeeze. “Well, worrying about things too much is something you’re best at.” “Hey!” They all laughed as they remained in their embrace, Weiss giving a gentle chuckle. Of course Nora has been right, she shouldn’t have been worried about hypothetical ifs and maybes, especially not with her team. A team that, day by day, Weiss would consider more and more her real family. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whooo boy, this, this was a tough one. Im proud of how her talk with Nora went at the beginning, I felt like I wrote that well, and yeah I HC Nora as trans. But writing her coming out to her team, I kept erasing and redoing parts because I really did not know how to do it right. This is one I feel like I should come back to when ive gotten some more experience writing.

#rwby #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #nora valkyrie

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zmayadw · 3 years

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Evening to all :)

Time for the next part :)

Have a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 10

I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth. I had no clue what time was it, but the sun was out already, making me squint my eyes. I got in sitting position slowly, banging in my head intensifing with every move i made. Ugh, i'm never drinking again, i scolded myself. Squinting, I focused on the little alarm clock that was on the night stand. 10.34. Whoa, i cant remember the last time i slept this long. I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the glass with wather, rinsing my mouth a few times before gulping down two glasses. My stomach growled at it, i just hoped not to throw up .Taking a shower would be a wise thing to do, so i just threw the clothes i had off and entered the shower. The warm water felt good, i just let it pour over me for a while. I wrapped myself in the towel taking some painkillers for the headache. Getting back to the room, i dressed up, and sat on the bed. I felt a bit better, but still not enough. Coffee, i tought, thats what i need now. I got up, going for the purse i threw on the floor when i got in, searching for my phone. Shit, i cursed, it wsnt there. I checked every pocket, even Jake's hoodie, but my phone was nowhere to be found. Crap, i probably left it at a the Aurora last night, when Jessy and me wer taking pictures. Or at lest i hoped so. Well, i was going for coffee, so i could stop at the Aurora eitherway. I grabbed my backpack with drawing stuff. Who knows, i might be up for some drawing, no matter I still felt woozy from last night drinking. I putted my sneakers on, grabed my stuff and car keys. Walking wasnt an option this time, i wasnt feeling well enough for it.

When i parked my car infront of the Aurora, I saw Dan's car was still there. I smiled as i left the car, guess i wasnt the only one sleeping late today. I hoped Phil was there already, and my phone too. I entered the Aurora, relieved at the sight of Phil behind the bar. I was washed with the smell of coffee, and as i neared the bar, I pleadingly said to him, sitting on the stool „Please, please, please, tell me i'm not wrong and that is coffee i can smell.“ Phil turned arround , not noticing me when i entered. He grinned at me „You are most definitly right! Would you like some?“ „Yes, pretty please.“ I said, as i putted my hand on the bar, and leaned my head on it as on a pillow. Phil chuckled at me „Want any sugar with it? Or milk?“ „Yes, please.“ I replied, and he vanished through the storage doors. He returned with a big cup of coffe putting it infront of me. I rised my head, took the cup, taking a deep breath of its smell, before taking a big sip of it. „Thanks, Phill, you're my saviour:“ i smiled at him as i settled it back on the bar. „Here to help.“ He said, winking. „Rough night?“ he asked teasingly. „Oh, i dont know how you can be so cheerful.“ I started „I feel like a truck hit me lastnight.“ He laughed „Practice to perfection.“ „I think i would need years of practice to be even close to that kind of perfection!“ i said, making a skeptical face. He smiled at me „So, to what do i owe the pleasure?“ he asked. „Dont get me wrong, im glad to see you“ he said, that devilish spark in his eyes again „But i doubt you came just to see me.“ „You caught me.“ I said, even tho it was nice seeing him. „I was hoping that i might have left my phone here yesterday.“ He shook his head at me, crouching down searchin for a few seconds under the bar, giving me my phone as he got up. „Better be carefull next time, good thing i noticed it as you left.“ „Yay, thanks Phil, again.“ I told him, giving him a big smile. „I owe you big time! Both for the phone, and coffee.“ His phone rang then „Sorry business calling. Be right back“ he said, answering his phone and going through the storage door. I checked my phone with him gone, finding out few missed calls and messages from Jessy. She was worried i havent answered her jet, so i decided to call her while waiting for Phil. The tone barely sugested it rang when Jessy's voice boomed from the other side. „Finaly! Do you know how worried i have been? Are you allright? Where wer you? Why didnt you answer me before?“ It made me smile a bit, her worrying for me like that was so sweet. „Im sooooo sorry Jessy“ i said pleadingly „I left my phone at Aurora last night, i just got here to get it.“ Phil returned at that point, and i mouthed to him 'Jessy's' name, indicating who i was talking to. Her voice boomed again, and i moved my phone a bit from my ear, wich made Phil laugh. „Ofcourse you did! Its no wonder after all the whiskey you had! Dan is still sleeping like a log! You two really had it last night!“ „Aww, Dont be cross, Jessy.“ I started pleadingly again „I promise next time we wont over do it.“ Phil was grining at me now, and i stuck my toung at him, trying to calm Jessy down. „C'mon, you cant tell me you didnt have some fun yesterday.“ I started „I have some pictures on my phone as a proof of it.“ Phil threw his thumb up, showing me i said a good thing, and i grined at him. „Alright, i admit last night wasnt all that bad.“ Jessy started, sounding calmer now „But you're still not off the hook completly.“ „Thanks, Jessy“ i started, grining as a sign of victory to Phil. „You can scold me some more at lunch, if the deal for it still stands.“ „Ofcourse!“ Jessy cined cheerfuly from the other side „Dan will be a sleep for God knows how long, and im already bored here.“ I quickly moved my phone from the ear checking the time. „Its 12.20 now, when do you want us to meet?“. „I'll meet you around 14 at the Aurora. I doubt Phil will mind you hanging there with him till then.“ She replied, teasing me. „Somehow i think you're right.“ I said, looking at Phil with a devilysh smile. „Cya later, Jessy.“ I sadi, lovering my phone. Phil looked at me,a bit confused „Wat was that about?“ „Oh, just Jessy being Jessy.“ I told him, grining. „Fine, fine, be all mysterious.“ He teased me. „Awww, c'mon, you wouldnt find me so interesting if i was an open book.“ I told him, smiling sheepeshly. He looked at me, with that intensifing look again, making me feel heat spreading through my body „You're not wrong about that.“ Crap, what are you doing again, Maya, i scolded myself. Phil was definatly into me, and i was toying with him like this. It really wasnt my intention, i didnt want him to get the wrong impression about anything. But it felt so easy for me, talking to Phil, compared to Jake. Why does all have to be so tough and complicated with him? It feels like walking on egg shells every time im with him: dont do this, dont say that. Shit, it shouldnt be that way, should it? Was i really that much into Jake? Blah, i dont know anything anymore. I wish he would be more open with me, it would make things so much easier. I was lost in my toughts when Phil finaly snaped me back to reality „Maya? You allright?“ I looked at him, shaking my head, to clear it from all the 'Jake' toughts. „Yeah, sorry.“ I started „Guess the coffee didnt kick in properly yet.“ Phil looked at me, and i could see he didnt really belive what i told him, but decided not to take the matter any further „If you say so.“ Was all he said. I smiled shyly at him. „Do you mind if i just hang here for an hour or so, before metting with Jessy? I dont feel up to driving back to motel, and the coffee isnt bad here either.“ I tried, smiling, waving my empty cup at him. Phil looked at me, rising one of his eyebrows, and smiled devilishly „How could i say no to a beautifull woman?“ He took my cup, winked at me vanishing through the storage doors. I could feel my cheeks flushing again, and my heart beating faster. Shit, shit, shit..

When Phil came back with another full cup of coffee i asked if its ok if I sit at one of the booths, to wich he said fine, since he did have some work to be done. I took my stuff and coffee setteling at the booth. I had a bit over an hour before metting with Jessy, i hoped some inspiration for work might come to me. I took my stuff out of the backpack, took my sneakers off, sitting with my feet up on the booths perch. I liked drawing like that. Leaning my drawing pad on my knees i tried to focus on my work, but my toughts just kept wondering off. I tought about Phil, sneaking glances towards the bar. He was good looking, always nice to me, even tho everyone warned me that he was a 'no good' considering women. He never showed any sign of it towards me. He was easygoing, i enjoyed his company, we definatly clicked. Then there is Jake. I was definatly drawn to him, cant deny that. When im near him, it feels like when a moth is drawn towards fire. Cant fight it, its driving me crazy. But nothing with him is easy. Its like taking one step forward, then not one, or even two, but ten steps back. Its so frustrating. And with all that had happened, i feel like all the progres we had was completly gone. My head was still too woozy for thinking of stuff like this. I setteled my drawing stuff down, taking my coffee, leaning back in the booth. Maybe Jessy would have some advice fore me. Two heads are smarter then one, or so they say. But i should definatly talk to Phil, at least try to explain things to him. I dont want him thinking im giving him some false hope here. As if he could sense my toughts, he turned around, took his coffee and walked towards me. „Mind if i join you?“ he asked, and i smiled „Ofcourse i dont. I guess my inspiration is still sleeping, so no work to be done at the moment.“ He grined „Thats good for me. I can have the pleasure of your company for some more then.“ I chuckled at that, siping some more of the coffee. But i tought again about talking with him about everything. My face must have gotten some serious expression, 'couse Phil looked at me a bit serious, before asking „Whats bothering you, Maya? I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something.“ I looked at him, those deep eyes of his gazing intensly at me, trying to dig up my toughts. „I do.“ I admitted after a moment „But to be hones, i dont know how to start .“ „Well, just do your best.“ He said, and i started to get the feeling of a knot at my stomach again. „Allright.“ I said, but the words didnt come easy after that. „I like you, Phill.“ I said finaly after a moment of silence. He chuckled „Ok, thats a good start.“ „Ah, but that was the easy part.“ I started „Now comes the tricky one.“ I could notice him tensing a bit, like he knew where this might lead to. „Ok, go on then.“ He said. „I enjoy your company, talking to you, its so easygoing. I feel we clicked, that theres some 'spark' between us, and i know you noticed the same.“ „You're right about that.“ He replied. „But..“ i started, and Phil interupted me, sighing „Ahh, there it is, the famous 'but' part.“ „Please, Phil, just let me say what i have, then you can hate me.“ He looked at me, his face getting a soft touch „I couldnt hate you, Maya.“ „Dont say it untill im not done talking.“ I said, a bit sadness creeping to my voice. „Alright. Please, continue.“ „Ok. As i started earlier,i like you, but i dont want to get your hopes up.“ I settled my coffe on the table, my hands fidgeting with the cup. Why was this so hard? „Shit, Phil, im a complete mess at the moment.“ I started „I myself dont know what i want, and its tearing me up inside. There is someone, and i dont know where I stand with him. And i dont want to start something new, if im not a 100% sure that its the right thing, that its something i really want. With no loose ends catching up on me.“ I looked up at Phil, him still not taking his eyes off me. „Am i making any sense to you here?“ i asked, lovering my head. I really didnt want to have this conversation, but that was me being honest. All of a sudden, i could feel Phil's hand covering mine, and i looked back up at him. He still had that softness written all over his face. „I appriciate your honesty, Maya.“ He started „Now let me be honest also.“ „Ofcourse“ i said „I expect nothing less.“ „Good.“ He looked at me more serious now. „You know i like you, you said it yourself. I dont know why, but i felt drawn to you the moment i saw you. Theres something in you that makes a man bedazled by you, i cant explain it differently.“ He paused for a moment before continuing. „And i get it, you dont want to get into something half hearted. And i applaud you for that. Because, if anything was to happen between us, i wouldnt want it that way either.“ He looked at me now, his gaze intensifing again, and i started to feel that heat again. „If it was to happen“ he continued „I would prefere if you wer in it with every inch of your body and soul.“ I was mesmerized by his words. He was so open with me, the words came so easy to him. Why cant it be like this with Jake. „Allrighty, that was pretty honest there.“ I said finaly, making an aqward smile. „You wanted me to be honest.“ He said, adding „And just so you know, im not going to make it easy for you.“ He looked at me now, with that devilish spark in his eyes again. I looked at him puzzled „What do you mean by it?“ He grined at me „Its like this: i will continue to act like i did so far, and you can do the same, cause, lets face it, we both like it.“ His grin widened, and i smiled back at him. „Good, you get me. But, until i get a confirmation from you about freely taking it a step further, i will do whatever i can to maybe, just maybe, help you feel a bit less messy and steer thigs in my favore.“ „And what if it wont end as you hope it would? Can you be ok with just being my friend?“ i asked him. He looked at me for a moment, before answering. „Honestly“ he started“i cant say i wouldnt be dissapointed, a little hearth broken probably, but i would respect your choice. And yes, Maya, if that would be so, i would gladly be just your friend.“ “Thanks, Phil, i appriciate all you said.“ I told him „I was kinda affraid of having this conversation with you.“ „You, affraid? I cant belive that“ he said, teasingly „Belive me, i was scared as hell.“ I said, adding to it „But im glad we had it. I didnt want it to become aqward between us at some point.“ „Not gonna happen.“ He said, winking at me. I smiled „Shit, you know, even thou i had enough yesterday, i could actualy use a drink right now.“ Phil lughed so hard „Awww, you really did get scared. We are in a bar afterall, you just say the words and ill bring you that drink.“ He said, looking at me with one raised eyebrow. „Only if you join me“ i said, grining at him „ And if you dont tell Jessy about it.“ He got up from the booth, smiling and winking before he left for the bar „Deal!“

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood phil #duskwood jessy

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princessbb · 3 years

Text

I can’t lose you

Disclaimer : This sucks and I am drunk . But I love whoever reads ❤️

Eddie looks over at Buck concerned as he’s driving them to the fire station. Buck has been quiet lately and thats very unlike him , so naturally Eddie is worried for his boyfriend.

“ bebé what’s wrong guapo.” Eddie ask turning down the angsty music Buck was blasting. Buck looks at the radio and back at Eddie and shrugs.

“Nothings wrong.” He says matter of factly

Eddie sighs “You’re barely talking to me and that’s never a good sign.” He says reaching over to grab Bucks hand . He lifts it up and presses a kiss to it . “Did I do or say something”? “Because if I did please tell me.”

Buck smiles faintly .

“It’s silly and I don’t want to start a fight for no reason.” Buck says

Eddie frowns pulling into the fire station. “Just tell me , I’m sure it’s not silly.” They grab their things and hop out of Bucks jeep. Buck didn’t feel like driving so Eddie being the good boyfriend he thinks he is took over. Buck really doesn’t want to be annoyed before their shift starts .” Can we talk about it later? I just want to start today and be done .” Buck says walking away leaving a confused and slightly irritated Eddie behind. “ whatever dude.” Eddie says under his breath and follows him inside.

4 HOURS LATER

“EVAN ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND.” Eddie finds himself screaming at the younger fireman as he approaches him . The crew received a call about an apartment building that set ablaze with a fire that was spreading rather quickly . All of the tenants were removed safely by the 118 team , but when Buck was pulled aside by an elderly woman screaming that her cat Thomas was still inside Buck took it upon himself to save the cat. This is why Eddie was upset because once again his boyfriend is risking his life unnecessarily.

“Eddie don’t . I got the cat with no issue everyone is safe !” Buck says

“THIS TIME , THIS TIME EVERYONE IS SAFE . NEXT TIME YOU MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY . “ Eddie screams , “You know , I swear you just don’t THINK sometimes .” He says scoffing in disbelief.

“Boys we need to clean up this mess . “ Bobby says walking over to them to stop them from further arguing . But the boys did not listen .

“Wow Eddie tell me how you really feel, so far according to you I’m stupid and reckless.” Buckley says not backing down. “I’m just doing my job.”

Eddie shakes his head in disbelief and sarcastically laughs “ Maybe this was a mistake. “ He instantly regrets the words as they come out his mouth. Buck feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. “ What did you say “. He asked squinting his eyes and forcing himself to blink back tears

Eddie instead of explaining himself finds himself sticking his foot in his mouth even further. Eddie was always scared to death on each call that Buck would do something wild and get himself killed.” I’m constantly worried about you at each call, it’s distracting .” , “Look this isn’t the place or time .” He says noticing Hen , Bobby and Chim staring at them argue . The whole crew were aware they’re a couple . But this was far from the typical lovey dovey couple they usually seemed like .

“Fuck you.” Buck says walking away . “Don’t we need to get this cleaned up ? “ He screams at the crew including Eddie . Chim and Hen nod slowly . “Okay so what the hell is everyone looking at .” He says angrily walking in the opposite direction.

............

“Where the hell is he .” Eddie wonders out loud . It’s 10 pm and Buck is no where be to be seen or heard . After their embarrassing argument that day Buck asked Chim for a ride home leaving Eddie to drive himself to pick up Christopher from school. He hadn’t heard from Buck since and Chim wasn’t answering his phone . Just as Eddie was about to call a search party , his phone began to rang with Chims name on display.

“Where is Buck. “ Eddie says quietly so he didn’t disturb his sleeping son.

“Well hello to you too. And I don’t know , I dropped him off at the park because he said that’s where he likes to clear his head.” Chim explains.

“What fuckin park Chim.” Eddie ask about to put on his shoes and wondering who he could call to sit with Christopher while he searched for Buck.

“Dude the park...” Chim trails off as Eddie hangs up on him . He hears keys jangling outside and watches as Buck drunkenly stumbles inside . Relief washed over him , but anger instantly replaces it .

“Are you serious “? “I’ve been calling you for hours , why didn’t you answer .”’ Eddie says pissed .

“Phone ... died .” Buck says and starts laughing throwing his keys on the floor and his body on the couch .

“Buck ..” Eddie starts

“No no no Eddie I don’t want to be lectured you’re not my dad. Hell you don’t even want to be my boyfriend.”

“Buck what is this really about ? You were mad earlier and wouldn’t tell me why . Did you go get drunk because we argued ?”

“I went drinking so that maybe I could forget about what you said Eddie . Because that shit hurt . I have actual feelings and you shitted on them . “ Buck says tearful

“Baby..” Eddie starts

“No ! Don’t baby me Eddie . Do you know why I went back for that cat Eddie ?” Eddie shakes his head and swallows hard .

“Because Eddie I wanted , no I needed you to pay attention to me again . We used to go on dates every Friday no matter what happened that day . For years you couldn’t keep your hands off of me , like I was your drug. Everyday you would tell me how beautiful and perfect I was, even if we fought or argued you made sure you loved On me.” Buck is crying at this point. “ I’ve been trying to convince myself that you still loved me, and that I’m being silly. But it bothers me Eddie.”

“ You risked your life because you think I don’t love you?” Eddie says without judgement. His breathe caught in his chest . He sits down next to Buck and pulls his close . Eddie can tell Buck is hurting and there’s no point of doing anything but trying to show him the opposite of what he is thinking. “ You risked your life because you think I don’t see you”?, “ oh nena lo siento mucho” He says , grabbing the younger man into his arms , Buck sobbing into his chest . “Baby I am so sorry .” He repeats but in English . “You’re right , things have changed . They have . But the way I feel about you has never changed . My love for you grows stronger and stronger . Today I was so got damned scared , you gave me a fuckin heart attack .”

“Im sorry .” Buck says with a drunk voice and through tears as he looks up at Eddie .

“Evan . “ He grabs bucks face and looks him in the eyes.” My beautiful Evan . I am the one who is sorry . We were both wrong but I am so sorry for not making you feel my love . “ he whispers “ You are the love of my life and I will do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

“Baby you make me happy. You , Christopher and being apart of your family .” Buck says “I can’t lose that , I can’t lose you.”

“Sweetheart we can’t lose you , I can’t lose you . You are the what we were missing , the glue that holds us together . “ Eddie replies “I promise I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me Evan , but you have to stop making reckless moves like you did today . Please promise me .”

“I promise . I’m sorry .” He childishly says and ducks his face back into Eddie’s chest .

“Good . How about we go to bed . I’m sure you’re exhausted .” Eddie pulls the love his life off the couch , managed to get him to the bed and undresses his so he can sleep comfortably. Thank god they are both off tomorrow. Eddie climbs in beside him and Buck wraps his arm around his torso putting his face in his chest instantly falling asleep in Eddie’s arms .

Eddie presses a long kiss to the top of Bucks head saying a silent prayer for the couple . There’s a lot they need to discuss when buck is sober . In the mean time he was going to hold on to his boyfriend for as long as possible where he knew he was the safest and protect him as long as possible.

@evandiaz-buckley @buddiecaps @911edit @911confessions @sparksfly-buddie @deanette89 @bamfbuddie

#911 show #oliver stark #evan buckley #911 fox #oliver #buddie #eddieandbuck

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ajokeformur-ray · 3 years

Text

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend.

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go.

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~ *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E V E R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe.

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what”

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too...

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink...

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

ASDFGHJKL

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much.

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will.

b l o o d s m i l e

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel.

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

t h a t ‘s l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~

i l o v e y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

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bfkunimi · 3 years

Text

♡ hi hi! im back! so im feeling better but that aint stopping me from finishing this story! i think i'll update my smau too! (shameless plug lol) but yess it’s boutta get long, serious and interesting so hope y’all like it. also i know it was kuroo’s bday a few days ago but i didn’t want him to go through these horrible sad things on his bday ): our kuroo deserves to be happy because he deserves the whole world!

pairings: Kuroo x Tsukishima, Tsukishima x Yamaguchi, Kuroo x Kenma

genre: angst, hanahaki disease au, pain

warnings: will make you cry, made me cry lol, hospital setting, cheating, thoughts of suicide

notes: hanahaki disease: a fictional disease born from unrequited love, where the patient’s throat will throw and cough up petals and flowers. but this isn’t a typical hanahaki au, in this story.. the main character (in this case it’s kuroo) finds out that his partner (aka tsukki) doesn’t love him anymore because he started developing the disease.

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𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑. 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭

- loud ass video game noises -

the sounds coming from a video game, woke me up as i found myself in a hospital once again..

kei was nowhere to be found.

without even looking i knew who was right by my side, it was kenma.. my best friend since we were kids.

kei must’ve sent him to take care of me. why couldn’t he come here himself?

oh. wait. he doesn’t love me anymore.. still he could’ve had the decency to stay with me until i was better.. but i guess im just a burden to him now.

kenma sees me waking up and rushes to call the doctor.

“sir you passed out due to your hanahaki disease. im afraid you’re in critical condition. you’ll need to stay here for a while so we can monitor you to make sure nothing goes wrong. however, your lungs are flooded with petals... thats not a good sign and if it gets worse we may need to do surgery.”

the thought of surgery scared the shit out of me.

i heard most hanahaki related surgeries weren’t that successful, i remember reading that they had a 65% success rate. and that 35% fucking scares me.

not that i was afraid to die but i was afraid for kei who i know would feel guilty for being the cause of my death, he may not love me anymore but i know he’s a caring person. it’s one of the things i learned about him when we got together. on the outside kei is a hard exterior who just seems like an asshole but on the inside he was soft and kind. he really cares about the people that mean a lot to him.

but wait.. do i even mean anything to him anymore? even if i stay alive i'll just continue to be a burden to him. hmm..

i dont want to be a burden to anyone. not to kei, not to kenma. so maybe it’s just better for me to-

“kuroo? kuroo? KUROO? are you okay” kenma had this concerned look on his face.

i didn’t even realize the doctor had left, i didn’t even notice that i was grabbing the sheets of the hospital bed and pools of tears were pouring from my eyes.

“did he ask you to stay with me?” i could barely look at him but he slowly lifted my head and looked at me.

“mhm” he said, never taking his eyes off me.

“im sorry kenma, you dont have to stay. i can handle it myself”

he then made his annoyed face (y’all know what face lol) and says “no kuroo, don’t start thinking you’re a burden again. i know you well, whenever you feel like you’re not doing your best or whenever you feel shitty about yourself or when you don’t want to accept help from anyone even though you need it, you start to blame yourself and think you’re burden to this world.

but you know you’re never a burden to me, you’re one of the few people i care about and i know what you’re going through seems like the world is ending but no matter how hard it is i'll be here for you always. so stop worrying about being a burden and just focus on getting better.”

kenma’s words were comforting. he doesn’t say much, but when he talks seriously like this it really means he cares.

but those feelings of being a burden. i can’t stop worrying about them. i can’t help but think i'm heavy weight to all the people i love.. kei doesn’t even want to take care of me, let alone visit me in the hospital. kenma is saying he’ll be by my side but the longer im sick im sure he’ll want to leave me too.

i can’t stop thinking about the only solution to this.. maybe i should just-

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valatheapprentice · 3 years

Text

Magick to medicine

Vala x Julian (first meeting before death)

(This is Arthur)

The slamming of the door echoes in memory in my head, bouncing off the walls of my aching chest. Asra left. Of course he left. I yelled at him to go. I dry swallow my growing guilt as my legs give from under me. Falling onto the textured floor beneath me, I rake my hands through my hair as my thoughts are pushed around between hating myself and my anger towards him. Tears stain my burning skin as I sink into my knees as my nails drag across my scalp.

Its not long before Arthur's pawing at my leg. With a wet sniff, I reach towards his soft fur. Letting my leg fall flush to the wooden floor, he climbs on and clings to the drape of my dress. His resting panic expression is replaced by confusion and sadness. "I dont know." I whispered. "This isn't like before, baby boy. Things went really far this time. I just... No. No. You know what? Fuck him. Im going to do something to help around here and then... and..." my voice breaks at my pitiful attempt. He climbs further up my chest just as my eye start to burn.

I reach for my necklace to find nothing on my chest. Next to me, a gold clasp lays on the dull floor, all thats left of it since he left. The colorless gravity of the fight, of my words, crashes around me. I cling to my familiar for dear life. For hours, I weep as my voice echoes in the stale air around us. Though Arthur helps sooth my soul, it still breaks like a rock to a window.

My eyes eventually dry. A buzzing ache pounds behind the skin of my face. An itch forms inside of me, small but vocal. I take a few less shakey breaths before scooping him in my arms as I rise to my feet. I groan as my back finally straightens out. "I'm sorry baby boy." I stretch the muscles of my legs. "But I cant stay here any longer. I need to get out. Maybe get a drink." A purring of disapprove vibrates in my arms as I pick my bag up from the table. "I'm sorry.. I just... can't take another second like this..." He wiggles in my arms before jumping out and scurries to his bed. With a sigh, I tie my bag to my belt and walk out of the door.

I walk through the moon lit streets, through the night time patrons shopping and drinking in their own jovial light. The smiles and laughter of my neighbors feel a world away. My feet move, my hands wrap around my stomach, but I do not feel in control of my movements. I make my way through Vesuvia with a numbing haze surrounding my brain. Its not until I walk into a man do I snap out of my daze. I apologize and look around. I couldn't tell you where I am but this street feels strangely familiar. To my left, the sound of yelling and laughter permeates the crowd around me. I look over to the sign above it. The Rowdy Raven. It sounds as good of a place as any. With a deep breath I make my way inside.

Once I walk through the flimsy door, the pungent aroma of liquor and body odor meets my nose. I have to laugh to myself. Its been years since I've been in a bar like this. I squeeze and shuffle through the ruffians until I finally rest myself on a stool. I prop myself against the too as the bar keep walks up to me. "What can I do ya for?" He asked.

"Um." I look around at the other patrons. "I'm not sure. Whats good around here?"

A laugh comes from beside me. I turn my head to the tall, lanky man beside me. He meets my gaze with a crooked smile. "Get the girl a salty bitter, my good man."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "That sounds absolutely horrible."

"Oh it is." He takes a large gulp of his dwindling drink. "Won't be able to stop drinking it."

And soon a large pint of the beverage is placed in front of me before another is given to the man. I raise it and toast him. "To our livers." He chuckles and clinks his glass against mine. I raise it to my lips. After a moment of mild saltiness, im aggressively greeted with a gross, bitter flavor that swells in my mouth, lingering on my tongue as my face pinches together. "Good gods! Why the hell would you-" I yell, calling for the laughter of the man. It doesn't register at first that I'm reaching for another sip. "Why the fuck do I like this?"

He shrugs into his drink. "No one knows. Nothing short of black magick, I'd reckon."

I let out a laugh. "Yeah. I can see that."

I suffer through another sip before he faces me again. "Julian."

I turn my head to meet his gaze. "Vala. Pleasure to meet you."

"Oh trust me, the pleasure is all mine." He eyes me once over before grinning wider. "So what is a pretty think like you doing in a place like this?"

I shake my head, a smile planted firm on my lips. I turn my body towards him. I scan from his chest to his face. Bags weigh around his eyes that compliment the mismatched smile he flashes. I take in his disposition, surprisingly very drawn to him. He couldn't have picked a worse night for this. I sigh and reach for my glass. "Fight with my boyfriend. Pretty bad one..."

A wave of disappointment fades in and out before returning to a small smile. "What better place to talk about it than woth a stranger you'll never see again?"

I hesitate for a moment. I really do not want to think about it. My chest still weighs heavy with the words we spat out before. But something about him is just... welcoming. Troubled? Maybe. But misery loves company. "He wanted to leave. The plague is just... getting so much worse. He wanted to take me and leave Vesuvia. But like... this is my home. These are my people. I cant leave if there's something I can do to help. I'm just not sure how. It got heated. I said things I wouldn't have. I threw a necklace he got me at him and told him to leave and not come back..." I rush to finish as my voice begins to crack.

I finish my drink and signal for another. Through the side of my vision I see him do the same as one of his hands comb and pull at his hair. "Yeah. Just when I think it can't get worse, they do. Gods if only I could..." he says in a low, pained voice.

I look at him, his energy growing more and more tense. I reach out and rest my hand on his shoulder. "You seem like you need to talk too."

"Yeah." He huffs. "I just happen to be one of the doctors working on a cure. Its bad enough we are no closer to finding a cure, but, and of course!" He throws his hand up and let's it fall back on to the bar top. "I lost yet another apprentice. Im just... I'm sorry. Its just been a lot."

My heart twists just trying to imagine what he's had to go through. What he's seen. I gently rub my hand in a circle around his shoulder. "Well. Maybe we could use each other." He looks pointedly at me. "I need to help in some way. You need an apprentice-"

"Oh no." He shakes his head. "No way I'm pulling someone in on a whim. Thats just reckless. Even for me."

"Most things I do are on a whim." I press the bitter to my lips. "Besides. Id have someone who knows what their doing making sure I don't do anything stupid."

He looks at me like a toddler who's been too quiet. "As desperate as we are, I cant just say yes. Its too much of a gamble." His words just barely start to slur.

I feel my heart sink as I look around the bar. Off in a corner is a knife stuck in a hanging peice of wood. "Do you believe in fate, doctor?"

I look back to him to meet a puzzled expression. "I hardly think this is the time to get philosophical."

I point behind me. "What do you say? 3 good throws and you got yourself a new apprentice."

"Are you actually insane?" He laughs. "Thats not... do you even know how to throw a knife?"

I shake my head. "Not at all. Wouldn't be the most dangerous thing I've done though."

He looks at me, unsure of how to respond. He stares for a brief moment. "So you really want to gamble with your life twice in one night?"

"Better than sitting at home doing nothing." I say. "Besides, id have a very skilled and very handsome doctor to look after me." My fingers tip around his arm. By the way his cheeks flush further, surely he's drank enough to convince.

He laughs softly. "Taking advantage of this, huh?" He tips back the rest of his drink and looks off into space for a few seconds. "I cant believe I'm far enough gone to consider this."

With out warning, I grab his hand and lead him through the staggering crowd to the spot. I pull the knife from the wall as he scratches the back of his neck. I step back a few paces and stare at the board. "Alright. I get these, and I get to help find a cure."

"Fine." He sighs, though amusement shine through on his face. "And if you don't?"

"I dont know." I look back to his long and pale sillihoette. He's brushed his hair from his tired face. Completely different from Asra. Maybe thats why I feel so drawn to him, though I cant be sure. All I know is I need something . "I'll let you choose."

I wink at his reddening face. I look back to the board and take aim.

#the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana apprentice #the arcane mc #the arcana asra #julian devorak #the arcana julian

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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years

Text

Guardian: Hand-Picked (collab)

Summary: You had lived for years with just you and your guardian angel, Changkyun. But when Kihyun enters your world, things change – for the better.

Pairing: Im Changkyun x Yoo Kihyun x reader (not in a love triangle way)

Genre: guardian angel au / humour / fluff

Warnings: none

A/N: This is part of the Guardian collab with @this-song-thats-only-for-you and @goodnightkisseu. It was an impromptu idea from one of those MX games by your zodiac sign, so we went with who we got and created a story from it!

Word count: 2651

Other stories in this collab: By My Side | Hidden Glances

Your life had been pleasant for the most part. You had grown up well enough, leaving your awkward teenage years behind you and blossoming into an adult. Sure, you sometimes missed the simplicity of being a child without adult pressures, but you were naturally responsible and thrived with a lot of the new chances you had as grown-up making your mark in the world.

You would go to work, enjoy hanging out with friends and exploring new places when you had the chance to. And when the day was over, you would return to your apartment, cook dinner and then snuggle up with a good movie or book before going to bed and starting it all over the next day. It hadn’t felt like you needed any change to this daily in and out lifestyle you lived. You were content with what you already had.

Meeting Yoo Kihyun, however, changed all of that. Having a boyfriend was a new experience. Going out was now with someone who would hold your hand and smile endlessly at you. He would feed you the most delicious meals and whisper the sweetest compliments. If you had ever dreamed of having someone in your life, you were sure you had wished for Kihyun. He was exactly who you could ever want in a partner.

And you had your guardian angel to thank for that.

“Don’t go out today,” Changkyun warned you explicitly as you walked back and forth from your small bathroom to your not much bigger bedroom preparing for the day ahead. He followed right behind you, tapping you on your shoulder and letting out whines, the next more outlandish than the last. “Y/N, don’t! It’s going to end badly.”

“What is? I’m perfectly fine now, am I not?”

He rolled his eyes. “Because you’re home with me.”

“I can’t imagine anything changing for the worse, Kyun. I’m just going to work like I usually do.”

“And I’m just telling you what I feel in my stomach. It’s my job to pre-warn you of ill-fated events, Y/N.”

You shot Changkyun a hard look. “Last month you told me the same. I stayed home and you realised halfway through the day it was just indigestion. Which, I cannot believe an angel can suffer from!”

“Okay, so I made one mistake--”

“And two months ago you told me I would be in trouble so I again stayed home and then realised it was because you were cold and wanted to snuggle up all day long!”

Sitting down on the edge of your bed so you could put on your socks, Changkyun knelt before you, placing his hands on both of your knees.

“--a lot of mistakes, then. This time, Y/N, I’m not using my abilities to benefit me. Stay home, please. I don’t feel good about this.”

Letting out a sigh, you patted one of his shoulders affectionately. “I’ll be fine. And I promise if I feel odd at any point, I’ll just turn around and come back home.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Y/N!” he exclaimed as you got up and brushed passed him, shrugging on your coat and stepping into your boots. Changkyun swiftly took place in front of the door shaking his head. “I’m being serious. Don’t go.”

“I didn’t work for an entire month on this presentation to miss it, Kyun. I’ll be home later.”

Stepping under his arm, you opened the door and started your trek through the rain to the subway.

From here, you knew fewer details. Changkyun had informed you that you had ended up walking across a road that a car had suddenly lost control on and careened around, hitting you right as a man pulled you to safety.

And that was how you had met Kihyun in the first place.

When you woke in the hospital, he had been at your side, immediately relieved to see you alert again. And all you had noticed was the gash on his cheek and a forlorn-looking Changkyun behind him.

He had sent Kihyun forward to save you at the last minute.

What Changkyun – or even you, admittedly – hadn’t been prepared for was how much of an impact Kihyun’s arrival in your life would make.

And now, you were packing up the last of your things and moving in with your boyfriend of a year.

Much to Changkyun’s disdain.

“How are we meant to still live together?” Changkyun wondered as you zipped your luggage bag full of your necessities shut. He shifted back and forth across the tiny space of your bedroom and threw his hands in the air. “This is not what we should be doing, Y/N.”

“You’ve seen Kihyun’s apartment, it’s double the size of this place. There will be plenty of room for us to still live together.”

“I’d rather live in this shoebox for the rest of your life. Or move somewhere bigger. Just the two of us.”

“On my salary?” you mentioned, raising an incredulous eyebrow at the angel. “Seriously?”

“So let’s just stay here. We’re cosy here.”

“I can’t expect Kihyun to move in here!” you replied with a giggle, lifting your luggage off the bed. “This place barely fits us!”

“Let’s not move in with him at all.”

“You sound like a petulant child, Changkyun,” you warned and he rolled his eyes dramatically.

“I don’t care. I like it being just you and me.”

“And I like Kihyun, a lot. So can’t you be a little accommodating with this change?”

His immature grunt ended the argument but the stormy mood followed you all the way over to your new home, a scoff leaving him when you stretched up to kiss Kihyun in greeting.

“Is this really happening?” your boyfriend breathed as he held you tightly. “I don’t have to wake up tomorrow and send you back home?”

“I wish you would,” the angel muttered, unbeknownst to Kihyun.

“Instead we get to wake up in each other’s arms every day,” you offered and Kihyun grinned, kissing you briefly before blinking really fast. You frowned. “What is it?”

“I turned up the thermostat earlier but it’s suddenly so cold in here! You’re not freezing, are you?”

Sending a glare to the angel now playing with the heating system, you then tried to smile at Kihyun. “It’s going to be fine together; I’m sure whatever it is will settle down soon.”

Except, Changkyun didn’t settle any.

It was obvious that he was bitter and targeted Kihyun immaturely. And whenever your boyfriend wasn’t around, you were endlessly scolding him for his antics, telling him to stop being so rude to someone you cared about. You didn’t think you were being unreasonable, and considering Changkyun had sent Kihyun to your side, you had expected him to be relieved that you had someone he had handpicked.

Still, Kihyun was uncomfortable most days. “I had the worst sleep last night.”

“Did you? I slept so well,” you murmured, coming over to rub your partner’s shoulders gently. “Any reason why?”

“Something kept tickling my nose but every time I looked, there was nothing there!”

You narrowed your gaze on the angel eating toast across the room.

And when Kihyun went to take his shower, you rushed over and slapped the back of his head. “I swear to god, you are being so immature, Changkyun! Stop annoying Kihyun.”

“Maybe he’d have a better night’s rest sleeping in the guest room.”

“And why would he want to sleep there? Where would you then sleep?!”

“With you, like I used to.”

“Don’t be so ridic-”

“Y/N?” Kihyun called weakly, standing in the threshold and watching you in confusion. “What, or who are you talking to?”

“Uhhhhh.”

“Maybe I should show myself to your lover. You look insane right now,” Changkyun mused and you let out a small shriek before stomping off to the bedroom and slamming the door shut.

Even if a locked door could keep Kihyun out, it would be no match for an angel. However, you had become incredibly skilled in ignoring Changkyun when he annoyed you too much. And since he hated when you ignored him, it was as effective as a locked door was.

“Y/N, stop, come on! It’s me, Kyun! Don’t be so petty!”

You remained focused on the wall ahead of you.

“Fine, I’ll stop being so mean to him. I just don’t like Kihyun!”

“Why?” you asked and he breathed out in relief at finally garnering your attention.

“Because he’s, well he’s-”

“Because you think I pay him more attention than you, isn’t that right? You’re not used to sharing.”

The angel shrunk back, muttering under his breath and then nodded once.

“Kihyun thinks I’m absolutely insane now. You better help me fix this.”

“You have a what?” your boyfriend breathed once you had explained everything to him, staring at you with round eyes.

“Everyone has one,” you told him calmly. “Just some people aren’t aware of who they are. I had an incident when I was a kid where I fell out of a tree and Changkyun – my angel – was there when I woke up. Since then, he’s been with me every day.”

“Even when we’ve been dating?”

You nodded.

“And in the bedroom when we’re…?”

“Good god, I would never want to see that,” Changkyun retorted with a generous shudder as you shook your head repeatedly.

“No, but I lived with him before I met you and-”

“You lived with him?”

“As friends,” you reiterated and Changkyun nodded firmly. “Well, more like family. He’s a brother to me.”

“And he’s the reason we met that day?” You nodded to answer Kihyun’s question. “I always think about why I boldly stepped out that day as if I knew I had to. I didn’t even know what I was doing until it happened. And you’re saying some angel of yours made me?”

“Changkyun, show yourself, please,” you asked and with a sigh, Changkyun did whatever he had to make himself known to Kihyun.

And when he caught sight of him, Kihyun gasped noisily. “I know him!”

“You do?”

“I saw him right when I saved you.”

“Well, now he’s a believer,” Changkyun surmised disinterestedly, pointing to the kitchen. “Can dinner be started soon? I’m hungry.”

You took a deep breath, hoping that this was the right step forward to make both the most important men in your life live together with more ease.

It wasn’t just Changkyun now. You stared back at Kihyun, trying to fathom what he had just said. Your boyfriend pointed harshly to the angel now taking refuge behind you. “Again?!”

“You forgot to set me a place at the table!”

“You do know how sensitive Changkyun is about food,” you agreed weakly and Kihyun scoffed.

“Still, he made the water run cold on me right as I got the shampoo in my hair! What are you? Four years old?”

“Try adding on centuries to that!”

“My head hurts,” you proclaimed, moving over to the couch before glaring at both men who followed. “Can’t you both just get along for one day?!”

“He started this!”

“And so that gives you enough reason to take it out on me like a baby?!”

“You’re both acting like children,” you told them and folded your arms across your chest. “This is exhausting.”

“He’s got to go, Y/N!”

“Me?!” Changkyun echoed and laughed bitterly. “I was here first, if anyone has to go, it’s you, lover boy!”

“Anyone would think you have a crush on my girlfriend! In case you’ve forgotten, Y/N sees you as a brother. And I’m not going anywhere!”

“You know what?” you offered, standing back up as both men reached for one another. “I’ll go!”

“What?”

“Where would you go?” Kihyun added as you stalked over to the front door, collecting your bag from the entryway shelf. “It’s cold out today.”

“I don’t think it’s wise to leave, Y/N.”

“Well, I don’t care what’s wise or cold. Right now, I want to escape the both of you! This is getting ridiculous and I want to get out of here before I snap! Do not follow me in any way or I’ll never come back!”

And then you slammed the door behind you and stormed out into the street.

For an hour or two, you simply wandered, allowing your sour mood to dissipate whilst you walked wherever your feet would take you. After three hours, you took refuge in a coffee shop, thanking the clerk for bringing you a warm beverage that melted away any remaining chill within you as you sipped at it. For another hour, you watched the people go by and after six hours away from home, you decided to have a meal before heading home. It was really late now, and for once, you felt a little out of your comfort zone. You were never out this late alone and it made your footsteps hurried until you saw the apartment building.

There, you slowed right down to a snail’s pace; concerning yourself with the possible scenarios you would find when you opened the front door. You knew Changkyun couldn’t be badly harmed, and angels were sworn not to physically harm another. Still, you worried they were still fighting away with each other, and you really didn’t have the energy to face that.

You prepared yourself to simply enter the house and sleep in the guest room alone tonight. Instead, when you walked through the door, you heard a loud gasp and combined movement towards you.

“Thank god, you’re safe.”

“Don’t ever leave us like that again, Y/N.”

“Don’t you know how worried we were?”

“We?” you repeated as both men smothered you in their arms, neither fighting for more of you than the other. “Who’s we?”

Kihyun pulled away and Changkyun stepped to his side. “We’ve called a truce.”

“We decided we had something in common.”

“You do?” you asked and both men nodded happily.

Changkyun smiled. “We both love you a lot. Of course, in our own ways.”

“And not having you in our lives – existences – is unbearable.”

“So don’t leave us ever again, okay?”

You tried to not smile too widely. “You mean it?”

“Plus, I like this house, and Kihyun’s food.”

“Changkyun’s like the little brother I never had,” Kihyun quipped.

“Well, does this mean I won’t hear fighting anymore?”

“Of course!”

“We’ll be on our best behaviour!”

“Good, because I can’t handle the best people in my life at odds with each other,” you concluded, hugging them both individually.

“You ate without us?” Changkyun suddenly accused after inhaling into the hug and Kihyun gaped at you.

“We were sick with worry and you ate?”

“Well, I got hungry and-”

“Don’t worry, Kyun, I’ll make us something delicious.”

“Good, and Y/N isn’t allowed any.”

“Of course not!”

You laughed and shook your head; at least they were getting along, which was what you had hoped for so long now.

Life wasn’t as quiet as it once was. You’d still come out to find both of them bickering over something, but you just learned that it was how they were. Equally, they were the type to hold onto one another watching sad movies instead of you and even you had jealous moments when it came to their bromance.

But you were thankful. Not only had Kihyun saved you, but he had saved Changkyun too. You had lived far too long stuck in the same routine in the same small space that you hadn’t hoped for anything more than that.

Having chaos in your world meant you were always waiting to see what would happen next. And you realised that this suited you far better. You got to spend your days with your best friend and the love of your life. Sometimes that would be a blessing or a curse, but you knew you wouldn’t have it any other way.

_________________

[MONSTA X Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

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bnhavibes · 5 years

Note

Y/n goes out on a late-night run to get out some nervous energy and ends up running longer than expected. Since their still not tired they decided to call their best friend Shinso to ask if they can come over for a bit. You can decide from there, thank you b.

announcements!!

requests can take a while, i’ve decided to start writing a fic 🥰 but i haven’t chose who to pair with my OC so im going to have you vote in my asks!(or dm me on discord if u want to make certain requests too!

do you want reader insert with (y/n) or should we just name the OC? (side note: whats an alluring name?) <answer a for (y/n), b for (your suggestion).

should it be bxg, bxgxb, or gxgxb? <answer a, b or c>

who would you like to see in this pairing(s)? <answer a, Katsuki Bakugou, b, Shouto Todoroki, c, Izuku Midoriya, d, Ejirou Kirishima, e, Denki Kaminari, f, Momo Yayaorozu, g, Jirou Kyouka, h, Hitoshi Shinsou, i, League of Villains (insert up to 2 members unless you’ve picked a student or hero), j, any other options besides Endeavor, Aayoma, Tokoyami, Asui, Shigaraki, and anybody who’s personality i cannot portray lmfao)

Shinsou, Hitoshi x Reader

(request)

(NSFW) warning!

cussing, some heavy makeouts with descriptive characteristics

not actual penetration

but enough steam to keep it: moisy

College aged upUA! (so basically ua is a college lmao)

18+

this one is gonna be long since i pushed it off so far sorry bb😭

“Hey, you up?”

you: (typing) So I’ve been running for way longer than I thought, stuck thinking and overthinking about my life and I found myself by your apartment and wanted to stop by to get some advice? I know it’s pretty late but you’re always saying if you need me at 2am |

“Fuck, no, I can’t say that!” You growl in frustration before erasing the dumb text. Twiddling your thumbs above the screen as your hands laced the back of your device, you pace around, frantic about how you were gonna tell your old best friend that you were outside his apartment and desperately freezing. (it was like the middle of the night, and yet you were out in a crossed-back tank top, with a windbreaker and loose running shorts.

You and Shinsou have known each other for as long as you remember. You weren’t on good terms for a while; The first time he announced that he got his Quirk, you were out sick, and all of the kids in your class teased and picked on him. He essentially blamed you for not being there and defending him, but you guys didn’t see each other between the end of middle school and middle of high school. Now that you both go to UA, and are at the mercy of pros, you have to deal with working together for the sake of the citizens (even if you have bad blood between you). But you didn’t expect him to be so relieved when he saw you at school. And the two of you got along so well, it was like he was never even mad at you. He did bring it up, once, but he has only ever been nothing but kind to you when you started studying with him.

Then you started hanging out with him.

More and more.

More boundaries being pushed.

More times you’re together than not.

More things to study for? Hah, typical.

Then you’re having sleep overs.

Where you sleep in his bed.

...And he spoons you.

..........Weird.

‘Thats weird, right?’ You think to yourself the morning after. Nobody should be in the same bed with other people if they’re not together right? Shouldn’t it feel weird that you went to bed with another adult? That’s just your friend?

you: Are we just frien—

You stop yourself before even finishing that idiotic question, groaning in frustration. “What the hell do I say to him?” You tell your device more than yourself, at this point, just looking for answers.

New Message: Shinsou

Your eyes bulge out of your head and your hands almost drop your phone at the sudden vibration in your hand.

Shinsou: yeah, im just up doing dumb shit on my computer anyways

you: you mean like beating off? ewwww tmi Shinsou Hitoshi 🥴

Shinsou: fuck you (Y/f&l/N) 😂

Shinsou: if you want me to beat off before you get here, i can tho

you: i mean you’ll have enough time do it, i just so happen to be walking in to your apartment complex 😂😉

You giggle as you head up the stairs to his small student apartment, knowing the way all too well by memory.

Shinsou: wtf? 🤨 why were you all the way over here.

you: i couldn’t sleep, so i decided to go jogging

you: turns out i was drugged

you: kidnapped

you: and returned nearby because i kept annoying the shit out of the dudes

Shinsou: figures. 💀

Shinsou: i would’ve dropped you off at the loony bin tho

Shinsou: we’d probably both have to sign in tbh😂😂

you: 😒 come open the door ya punk.

The warm smell of freshly cooked— or reheated— pizza filled your nostrils as the door was opened for you. Stepping in and removing your shoes, you glance around to see if anyone else was over.

“Sorry, I know I said I would clean it.” He mumbles, thinking you were looking at the mess of a living area he made this morning. (because building forts is cool, okay?)

“No, you’re good,” You chuckle as you remove your jacket, “it IS your house anyways. Not like i can tell you what to do.”

A pregnant pause filled the air before you realized he had went and disappeared to his room and you were still by the door. Shaking your head at yourself, you follow him, building up courage to confront last night’s cuddle thing.

When you got to his room, however, he had laid out a towel on his bed and was looking through his closet. You dropped your shoes and looked around to seethat his shower was running, and there was the hair brush you lost on his desk (with a sticky note that said ‘Text (y/n) you found it. Reminder #251’). There was still rummaging behind you when you look at him in the reflection of his computer.

When he pulls out a shirt of his that you always compliment him in.

And a pair of exercise shorts that he hadn’t worn yet.

You blush when you realize he wants you to shower in his bathroom.

And then put his clothes on.

“Hit—Hitoshi-san?” You questioningly squeak, squeezing your eyes shut once you hear how cringey it sounded to be calling him by his last name again.

He notices the change, though, blinking softly at you with a shirt in hand. “I—... I just thought you, m-maybe wanted to shower. Cause you’re sweaty and stuff. Plus you might be able to fall asleep better.” He defended himself, putting his hands up.

“N-No, I know, I just...” You face him, avoiding his gaze. “I have to.. um...” You couldn’t do it. You were backing out.

“Tell me, what’s on your mind? I’m here if you need to talk.” He says, trying to catch your eyes as he steps toward you.

“Hito-sssh-hitt. Ugh! Why is it so hard to tell you!?” You curse your tongue for letting you sputter so embarrassingly in front of your best friend. You pace toward Shinsou, but turn back, groaning as you face palm repeatedly.

“You’re acting weird, (Y/N). Since when were you calling me by my last name, you know you can call me pretty much anything else. I swear if you say some dumb shit about another prank I’m gonna—

“Are we just friends or what?” You spat, slapping a hand over your mouth as soon as the words slipped out.

“What?”

The look on his face was so.... precious?

His eyes widened a little, mouth agape with loss, and shoulders cringing a bit at his sudden nerves. You removed your hand slowly but turned it into a fist as quick as it landed at your side.

“Y-You heard me. Are we just friends or, is there m-more... between us..” You trailed off, not noticing how close you’d gotten yourself when he was talking to you.

“More?” He asked, his voice seeming to be hung on to a thin string of hope. He inhales sharply before speaking softly:

“I— I thought... Well, to be honest these last few months with you have been awesome b—

“—But you don’t have feelings for me right?” You interrupted him, looking up into (what felt like to him) his soul.

So it was just you? You started to leave, his hesitation enough of an answer for you.

“No, I- Hey, wait!” He was confused, the poor boy, as to how you took his words. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s okay, Hitoshi-san.” You say, smiling back at him with a hand on his bedroom door knob.

“S-Seriously! I— Uhm..” He stopped you from opening the door with his hand over yours, pushing the door closed all together when he tripped over a loose shoe and against your body.

You gasp at the sudden fall, but can’t help but worry about him.

“Are you okay?” You ask, helping him stand up straight. “Sorry about the shoe— Mmmph?”

He kissed you so softly, you’d think it was a ghost. His hands cupped around your head, fingers laced through your hair as they almost support your movements. Instinctively you’re kissing him back, letting his body tower over yours and press you harder against the wall. His lips were like soft pillows, and his tongue flicked at your lips, teeth, and tongue so well that you couldn’t help but pull him in closer and closer; the longsleeved sweatshirt he had on was bunching up from your grasps, and you could feel his skin just barely grazing your own. You’re subconsciously tracing designs on his sides with your fingers, slowly running them along the hem as it lifts up when the feeling of heat in your stomach (and face) brings you back to your realitive plain of existence.

You’re currently making out with your best friend.

And you can feel how much he likes it.

“Sh-Shinsou, I—I’m sweaty.” You say, pushing him back a little.

He raises an eyebrow at you. (is that really gonna stop him? shusoskfkdjd)

Then he’s back on your lips, picking your legs off the ground and pulling them around his hips; pressing you back into the wall and grinding himself so deliciously against you. Soft moans escape your lips as his own travel to your neck, hands creeping up your shirt this time. Instead of touching you, however, he only lightly grazes your skin with the lads of his fingers up your torso until hes able to lift your shirt off (with help from you of course). Once it’s off, he’s back at your neck, leaving sloppy kisses before grabbing you by the ass and walking to his bathroom.

He set you down on the sink counter, ridding himself of his shirt and lowering himself down to his knees; His hands at your hips, fingers teasingly looping the elastic waistband of your shorts. He looks up at you with those eyes— The ones that ignite the flame in your core, those piercing, desperate eyes. He’s leaning his head into your thigh as he looks up at you, a smile smirk shows that your reaction to his wherebouts must be entertaining to him. You can feel your core tremble as he lays kisses on your legs, occasionally taking a nice long drag of his tongue along the sensitive skin of your inner thighs and stopping at the hem of your shorts. Letting a tiny gasp slip, you place your hands on his to stop him. He looks up at you for a second, but his worries wash away when he sees your hardened nipples and flush skin.

“You look so cute like this.” His voice breaks the tension in the air before he kisses your thighs again. “So flustered and confused.” He bites down gently on your skin, causing you to stifle a moan. He sucks slowly, his teeth just grazing you enough to leave a mark, but not enough to make it hurt. You gasp when his head moves to your centre, the heat of his exhales sending chills up your spine.

“You’re just... so naughty, aren’t you (Y/N)?” He whispers onto the thin cloth before laying his head back down on your leg, pulling your shorts down painfully slow. “You’re absolutely soaked, huh? I can smell you from here.” He looks at you, cueing you to lift your legs up, pulling your shorts off completely before returning to his position between your legs.

“No panties, huh?” He chuckles, scooting you to the edge of the counter by your hips. “You’re so god damn beautiful.” He whispers on your lips, your mouth just slacked enough for him to take advantage of, slipping his tongue straight past your teeth and directly brushing against your tongue. You feel yourself pooling over the counter, soaking against his boxers when he starts to take them off.

“Tell me what you wanna do.” He says against your collarbone, fingers still looped around the edges of his boxers.

“I, I need to sh-shower.” You squeak.

“You’re so fucking cute,” He says after chuckling. “I meant me, kitten, now do you want me or not?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“I — I want you, Shinsou. I want all of you.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, (Y/N).”

“I’m not, I promise— but, ugh, can you just fuck me already?”

The boldness of your words cracks a shit eating grin you only knew from that class 1-A asshat onto Shinsou’s face.

“Get in the fucking shower then.”

#CLIFFFFF HANGERRRRRR #OOOOOOOOO #PLEASE DONT HATE ME AHSKDKEJSM #I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS #I TRIED SO HARD #AND GOT SO FAR #PLS

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ad1thi · 5 years

Text

sin city (wasn’t made for you)

@imposter-human wrote me this amazing fic that was begging for a sequel, so here it is!

–

this got super long, so beware the read more! also please go through the tags for trigger warnings i don’t wanna accidentally upset anyone. bear in mind this is a serial killer fic, so morality is slightly screwy here

–

“You’re a-” Tony splutters, “this is a -” he stumbles back, hitting the door without realising

His hands automatically starts fumbling for the knob, but he can’t turn, he can’t tear his eyes away from Bucky- who’s frozen in the motion of scrubbing blood from his shirt

There’s silence as words die in Tony’s throat, save for the jiggling of the lock

“It uh, locks immediately,” Bucky finally says, “i have to release it for you to get out”

“And you’re not going to do that are you,” Tony says, “of course not why would you? I just stumbled onto your murder dungeon you’re not stupid”

Tony sinks to the floor, breathing haphazardly, “I can’t breathe- oh my god I can’t breathe!”

Bucky is over in an instant, crouching and grabbing Tony’s hand to place on his chest

“Can you feel the rise and fall of my chest doll?” Bucky’s free hand is cupping his neck, but Tony has enough range to nod dumbly, “great can you just focus on that for me?”

“Focus on my breathing doll thats it try and follow it”

Tony’s eyes slowly go glassy, and he slumps against Bucky- erratically gasping for air like a fish out of water

Dimly, he can feel Bucky’s fingers against his cheek and hear his voice; but its so far away and Tony’s bed is so close

so he fights the urge to reach his boyfriend, and just, falls

–

Tony wakes up, and he’s on a bed

More accurately, he’s on his bed

Chained to his bed with handcuffs that he and Bucky experimented with a couple of months back and god all the signs were there weren’t they?

The way Bucky kept odd hours, the constant stench of blood that surrounded him, the ways his eyes lit up when Tony talked about the murders in his books

God for the first couple of months the only way to get Bucky excited was Tony describing a murder from one of his books; how could he have been so blind?

Tony pulls at the chains experimentally, but he knows how sturdy the handcuffs are so its a lost cause

And the worst part is, Tony thinks, pulling his knees up and linking his arms under him, I still fucking love him

Absently, he wonders how pathetic it makes him; the fact that Bucky is a bona-fide serial killer and Tony is seriously considering still proposing to him

“You would’ve hit me on the back of the head and straightened me out, but this is what you get for dying in combat honeybear ” Tony says softly into the air and if the fact that he was talking aloud to his dead ex wasn’t a sign that he was going insane; what else was?

The door creaks open, and Tony’s eyes lift to see Bucky holding a tray of food; but his chin stays resting on his knees

The bed shifts slightly as Bucky sits down, and Tony obediently opens his mouth when Bucky nudges a spoon at him

If it wasn’t for the handcuffs and the bright red liquid staining Bucky’s neck; Tony could almost pretend that he was sick and Bucky was looking after him

As opposed to, you know, the reality- which was that Tony was a captive of a serial killer

Bucky lifts up a glass, and cups Tony’s chin to gingerly serve him water- but he doesn’t touch him otherwise

He keeps his hands to himself, folded on his lap; and his head cocked; silently waiting for Tony to say something

“So,” Tony says finally, because it is a well documented fact that silence makes Tony uncomfortable, “how did this whole thing begin?”

He gestures vaguely at the blood coating Bucky, and Bucky must’ve not realised he still had blood on it because he lifts his fingers to his neck and looks surprised when it comes back red

“Shit,” he curses, before looking back at Tony with wide eyes, “I’m sorry I thought I’d gotten it all off before I came in”

“I walked in on your murder dungeon Buck,” Tony says; the nickname slipping out, “I don’t think a bit of blood will startle me”

“Plus,” he lifts his hands to clink the chains, before re-wrapping them around his feet, “ ‘s not like I can go anywhere”

Bucky winces, “I’m sorry about the chains, they’re just a precaution. I didn’t, I didn’t want you to run before I had a chance to explain myself”

Tony snorts, “I am your captive audience”

The corner of Bucky’s lips curl up; but he otherwise looks genuinely apologetic

It’s funny, Tony always assumed that murderers were sociopaths; but Bucky is fucking with his empirical data

“The first time was um, when I was 17 maybe 18?” Tony’s face must show his surprise because Bucky hastens to explain, “yeah there was a girl in my class, Nat? She’d been having some trouble with the guy who lived across hall from her and her mom, and so I uh- I took care of it”

“My hero,” Tony says and Bucky rubs the back of his self consciously

“I don’t-” Bucky starts and then stops, “I don’t mindlessly kill. I wanted you to know that. The system is broken, and there are so many fucked up people who get away with shit every single day and I just -” he breaks off again, and looks up at Tony imploringly

“I mean to lie to you, I really did start out in forensics,” Bucky says- and it must speak to how fucked up Tony’s heart is that it still flutters for the man in front of him, “but I just watched Stevie catch so many people who would slip through the cracks of our justice system and I -”

“The day after I killed Mr. Pierce, was the first day that Nat came to school without bruises,” Bucky reaches out for Tony; his face dropping when Tony instinctively flinches back, “I know its wrong. I know murder is wrong. But how can someone that stopped a 16 year old from being raped be so bad?”

“I don’t mindlessly kill,” Bucky says again, “but I do, kill that is. Everyone that I kill, deserves to die”

“A modern age Robin Hood,” Tony says lightly because he isn’t sure to do with all the information he just received, “just more murder-y”

Bucky cracks a real smile at that, and Tony thinks to himself im so fucked

It’s a couple of years after they’ve skipped town to avoid Detective Rogers (its weird calling him that, I always knew him as Stevie, Bucky had said once) when Tony abruptly turns to Bucky and says “I want to join”

It wasn’t easy getting used to the fact that his husband had a body count of 44 (and climbing) but Bucky hadn’t lied

Everyone that he’d ever killed, deserved to die

Loan sharks, rapists, men who preyed on children, women who drugged old pensioners- every single person that Bucky had killed had been arrested but acquitted on a technicality

Tony had to quit his day job, and he wrote under an alias and posted the work to Pepper anonymously so she wouldn’t be implicated in any way; and he and Bucky were married in secret and their marriage certificate locked up- but it was worth it

Bucky was worth it

6 years on and Tony still loves him so fiercely he thinks he may die from it, which is why he says “I want to join”

Bucky looks up from where he’s meticulously cleaning the bullets of any fingerprints and holding them into his pistol, mouth hanging slightly open

Tony chuckles and presses his fingers to his husband’s chin; pushing his mouth closed and leaning in for a feather-light kiss

“You’ll catch flies that way, Buck” he says, before leaning back and spreading his hands out, “well?”

Bucky’s face scrunches up, “Why?”

Tony shrugs, “you get so, excited after a kill and I just, I wanna experience that. That rush you feel”

“Plus,” he says- slipping on some gloves and taking the pistol from Bucky, “I’m a crack shot”

He lifts the gun over Bucky’s head; closes his eyes, kisses Bucky- and shoots

Bucky breaks the kiss to look over his shoulder at where there’s a perfect hole though the hole of the woman in the painting and turns back to Tony with a wicked smile, “oh darling you’ve been holding out on me”

–

Tony’s standing over the dead body, gun still pointing at his forehead; when Bucky walks over

“Doll,” he says quietly, “doll we gotta move before the police arrive”

Tony turns to him with wide eyes, and when he shifts his Bucky’s arms- Bucky can feel his cock at half mast against his thighs

“You never told me it felt like that,” Tony whispers; his voice dropping to a rich baritone voice, “I mean- you talked about it, but I never realised it felt like that”

There’s something akin to awe in Tony’s voice, and he can’t seem to look away from the body strewn across the floor

Bucky has to hand it to him, he shot the guy directly between the eyes- and there’s barely any blood splatter

Bucky rocks his thigh against Tony’s cock slightly; grinning when he moans, “It feels good doesn’t it?”

Tony nods, bottom lip caught between his teeth

“Doll,” he whispers, “as much as I’d like to stay and help you take care of that here- we gotta skip before the cops get here”

“Stevie got way too close to catching me last time, and orange washes me out”

He holds his hand out for the gun, and Tony clicks on the safety and passes it over

He walks over to the bin in the corner of the room, “you shaved off the serial numbers right?” he calls over his shoulder

“I uh, burned them off with hydrochloric acid,” Bucky turns to look at Tony with raises eyebrows, “its a trick I learnt when I was shadowing the FBI. They can re-create shaved off serial numbers but not when they’re burned off. It’s how the IRA would get away with stolen guns back in the day”

“God I could kiss you right now,” Bucky says- stretching out his hand so Tony will take the hint and join him, “but that’ll just have to wait for when we’re back home”

Tony bypasses his hand and tucks himself under Bucky’s shoulder- grinning when Bucky’s hand slips back his shoulder to palm his ass

“Well then” Tony says, “we better get home fast”

Fin

–

tag list: @theavengays, @sleepyoldchild, @wintersoldierland, @wecollectnightmares, @starkwannabe, @nightwingingthis, @im-ironman

btw the tag list is still open if you wanna send me an ask and be added to it, you’ll be automatically tagged in everything i write!!

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murcuryretro · 4 years

Text

3:09 a.m (est) 7-8-20

So JUST now, I was watching a T.V show called “Toys that made us” which actually inspired me to never stop dreaming. Althought the sales of toys have dramaticllly declined,the passion and creativity behind these toys is what makes them LEGENDARY. There are toys that will be forever KNOWN. Imagine creating something that never dies , making history as well. Amazing, truly inspiring. Now with that being said, decided to write down some of my thoughts before going to bed. Before logging in, the wifi randomly had cut off, cutting off the show I had been watching, and decided it was a sign to get on the laptop instead. I get on it, but to my “surprise” NO WIFI. I then ask my bf whos been sitting on the couch playing with his new switch for a few hours, pretty much since I got home from work Ive seen him sitting there and still is, IF he can please check the router. Anything the requires some brain power , is too much for him!!! I over loooked it for so many years, now its starting to bite me in the ass. He then gets up to check the wires, and ask if I had pay. I said no but its not due yet. Also even if it was overdue they dont CUT everything off until way after. ANYWHO, I use my hotspot so that I can check, and its not due until the 15th, SO AGAIN, i ask him to check the wires, because there were clear instructions on the screen about what might be wrong and it wasnt the WIFI it was the router itself. So we had internet , just wasn’t properly transmitted. So after asking him to check the router, he quickly starts complaining about the mess the last cable guy made, complaining how he cant turn it on and, giving me an attitude and a tone because he just can’t, doing the bare min, literally TOUCHED 1 wire and gave up, saying he feels better if someone else disconnects the wire to check, as he goes back on the couch, THEN complains how we HAVE To call them and give them a piece of our mind since we are paying customers. Funny thing is , when we says “we”, he means ME. He would never actually get on the phone and explain to a company his fustrations. It would be me, while hes most likely sitting on the couch playing video games or REALLY mad sitting on the couch not playing video games, because of the wifi. What bothers me most is the lack of responsiblity he takes on. Also like he wants to avoid all grown men responsiblities, its become the biggest turn-off and been thinking of ways to have real conversation with him without him getting butt hurt because he is very sensitive, also he plays victim and I cant let him do that. He is not a victim at all , in anyway, but the second i confront him about something he is trying to avoid, he plays victim. Im so tired of being the one that has to constantly asses every situation were ever in. Hes the man for goodness sake. In reality he’s a beta and I’m in alpha. which makes this kinda hard. Previous relationship , we were both alphas and as much as we did bump heads, we also agreed on a lot and learned things together as the are new to us. Other times, we both take the lead in situations and it was like working with 2 heads rather than 1. Now it feels like just 1 head with 2 people. And like they always say, 2 heads are BETTER than 1. I just feel so lost, because I’m so use to have a Man that can handle business without me, who uses their OWN judgement, I don’t even want to talk down on him, but as time goes on and were not doing anything for ourselves,I start to feel this hole, void, in my heart, something is missing, something is wrong. Why is he such a good person with a great heart but lacks what makes a person resilent. For years he has lied to everyone about having his license. Why ? Im not sure, not that I lived with him for a over a year, I know why, hes scared of real life responsiblities that he would have to handle himself because no one else will. No health insurance, even tho its free now in days, because thats just another responiblity he does not want or care to have, Even for his own health. UNLESS I push him, which I have brought up so many times, but I can not do it for him.Then his license, I have asked him to get it and he said okay, never did, asked him again, said he will do it, does it and forgets the date, then he says he will make a new date, havent heard anything about. I dont know how much more I need to annoy him about ?! Since I’ve met him Im the ONLY driver, driving us everywhere. Any place, its me. Since 2016, its 2020. Not sure whats stopping him, He also brags a lot about the money he makes and he saves it, buys some toys for himself, and takes me out on dinner dates. Which I apprecaite so much of course, but I wish he would do more for himself. Hes just so scared of life I believe, I could be wrong, but thats all he seems to prove since Ive met him! Very sensitive and he likes attention. NEVER noticed that until a FEW people brought that up and I do see that very clearly now. Its hard to have a partner who only values what he says and disregard me. I can let him talk and I go along with it, he on the other hand, cant wait for me to stop talking and he never gives any kinda feedback because he wasnt really listening. Im getting pretty tired of it. Im starting to think I may have made the wrong decision. Whenever something is wrong its like I need to be the leader of the problem and fix it myself, and I think he thinks I like the idea of being the head bitch in charge but in reality its exhausting and just one sided. I have never seen him actually take control of a critical situation without my help. I always end up being the one to finalize everything, as if he HAS to go thru me. Which I do appreciate but it just also feels like he does it to hand me down the rest of the solution. Like NO! Once in a while would be nice if he did things that turn out fine, all alone. NEVER happens. I know of everything and mostly fix it myself.Even THINGS, Hes not hands on so things that would need a quick fix, something my dad would fix easily, john would have a total meltdown and give up fast as fuck. I thought having a person this gentel would be good for my soul but I think its the opposite. Since the day that we rekindle our friendship 2 years ago,I started using hard drugs, LITERALLY the day after we hung out at a show we were both at. I havent been okay since dec 2018 and i though dating him would make me feel better and help fix that void in me, so far, nothing.... I can see I’m stringing this relationship along and Im not sure if I should continue.I have very high hopes with living an amazing life with him, I always saw it in him , that WE would be perfect for each other. I think I based a book by its cover and the first two pages and ran with it. Without reading the whole book, and its not turning out so much as what I thought we would be. He quickly became like a grandpa once we started to date, and then telling me he didnt like when i went out, it was just so shocking considering that we , him, I and all my friends would go all the time, he loved he things I loved to do too, so wtf ?! He almost changed into a person I didnt want to date, the second we started to date. So confusing and almost decieved. Almost he faked how chill he was to get closer to me, It wasnt until a year ish later that I realized , I have been seeing only 1 side of him, the side he wanted me to see, and I loved it, and then the real him I didnt Know and frankly Im not sure if I really like. He loves me so fucking much, but I dont feel fulfilled. Something feels very off, I am missing something and I truly dont know what it is. I hope that we can help each other grow whether alone or together, I just want to know what I wanna do with my life and I need more motivation than what Im getting right now. I feel like im slowing my life down and going no where. I dont like it and I dont want this going on any longer.I NEED to find my way!!!! I hope hes there either as my bf or my friend and we work things out. wish me luck in whatever I choose to do. THNXX

#online diary #blabbering #my thoughts

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minerva26love · 5 years

Text

Just Say His Name Part 1

So this happened to me now for a third time, you think i would have learned my lesson. I wrote a whole lot of this story and the draft didnt save so now i must write this all over again. I may make this 3 parts im not sure yet. If you enjoyed my story please like and reblog!!! This is based off of an old english myth!

Warning: Some language, Smut will be coming soon, some mention of Domestic Violence but very small. If alot of people like this story i will keep writing! I wanted to see how this one turned out.

The vibrations of the train were making my eyes close even more. It has been a long ride and i have almost made it to London. Its about a two and a half hour long train ride. It was just me and Rory my cat on this journey. I am coming from Paris, i went to school there and lived with my family. A couple of days ago my parents got an letter saying that they had an urgent meeting with some Aurors downtown. After said meeting they were told they needed to go on a trip with more Aurors out of the country. I was of course not able to attend. My mother was talking to my Aunt on the phone, my cousin Lilly attends Hogwarts. They were very excited and offered for me to stay with them while they were away. This is unfortunately a two year mission. Going in my bag i looked back at my ticket to remind myself where i am going so i dont miss my stop. Kings Cross Station Platform 9 and 3 Quarters. I sigh as i lean my head on the window.

“Kings Cross Station next! ETA 5 minutes.” The train conductor yells as he goes through the train cars. I take a glance at Rory who is sleeping next to me.

“Well Rory it looks like we arent in Paris anymore.” It is our third year LIlly and i, I am very excited about the next two years but also very excited. The train comes to a halt and the Whistle blows. I gather everything and Rory. The train conductor puts my luggage on my cart and tips his hat. He leaves me alone and surrounded by people. Lots of people hurrying to catch their trains, whistles blowing and lots of carts. Frantically,i start looking for Lilly or my Aunt.

“(Y,N)!” Sighing in relief i turn around to see my Aunt, Uncle and Lilly standing with a sign that says Welcome to London. I push my cart towards them and run to give them all a hug. “Its so nice to see you dear!” My Uncle takes my cart and they lead me to the car.

“Its so nice to see you all too!”We all get to the car and start driving to their house. “Thank you again for taking me in, mum and dad really appreciate it.”

“Of course! We are all very excited!”

“My friends are also very excited to meet you. They are the ones i take to you on the phone about,”

“Ah, yes Peter, Sirius, Remus and oh yeah how could i forget James.” Her parents laugh. Lilly blushes. The Car takes a turn on the next street. In the Yard you see 4 boys and a girl hanging out in the yard. I was assuming they were waiting for Lilly to get home. The car turned into long driveway and we all exited the car. A kind of tall boy with glass ran to Lilly and gave her a hug,

“Lilly pop how are you my darling?” Her face turns red with embarrassment.

“Ah, you must be James.” He smiles and shakes my hand. The rest of the group caught up with James, they all hugged Lilly.

“(Y/N), this is James, Peter, Sirius, Alice and Remus.” I wave

“Its so nice to meet all of you, Lilly has told me so much about you all. More about James than anyone.” James high fives Sirius meanwhile Lilly punches me on the arm. “Ow, asshole.” My Uncle gets my bags as we walk up the driveway. Her house was lovely, all brick house with a wrap around porch. Inside was just as grand as the outside. When walking inside there is a formal sitting area and formal dinning room. I followed everyone to the main living room area. It was a very large space and the kitchen was in it as well. “Lilly what is that amazing smell?”

“That my dear is my famous Chocolate Chip Cookies. Im reheating them for you all. Lilly why dont you go show (Y,N) her new room. The reset of you may go outside and play Quidditch-”

“Yes!” Sirius and James cheered.

“Without breaking anything please.” The group left to go to the backyard, Remus was the last to leave, he looked at me softly before heading out back. After he left i had the weirdest feeling i have never felt before. I barely knew this boy yet i longed for him to come back. I was drawn to him. I shook it off and headed upstairs to my new room. The room was nice, it had light blue walls, and a fluffy white rug in the middle of the room. I had a bed, desk, and bookshelf. I hugged Lilly. She was surprised at first then hugged me back. She understood that this was really hard for me not being with my parents. I was still waiting for an owl to come to let me know they made it ok. My cat Rory seemed to bed doing ok as well. Sleeping in a tall cat tree right by the window so he can watch the cars drive by. We went back downstairs and walked to the back porch. Lilly ran up to the group excited to play.

“Come on Remus how many times have you read that book?” Sirius yelled

“This happens to be my favorite book, and at least i can read better than you.” Remus smirked

“At least i can read better.” Sirius mocked.

I was never a fan of sports and i have never played Quidditch. I was standing near a table and chairs on the porch where Remus was sitting. I took a glance without him noticing at the book he was reading.

“To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further.-” i quoted

“ There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.” Remus finished the quote. “Thats right.” He smiles up at me. He gestures me to sit down. When i sit by him i feel heavy, Im so drawn to him. “Im assuming you read, and you have great taste in books.” I smile and push a piece of hair behind my ear but it falls again. This time Remus puts it behind my ear and it stays in place. All i think when i look at him is just how bad i want to jump him. “(Y/N)? You ok?” I zone back in.

“Yeah sorry, what were you saying.” He laughed and continued.

“Whats your favorite book.?” I bit my lip to think, I have never really had an absolute favorite.

“Well your holding one of them and Pride and Prejudice.”

“Thats not a bad book either. What else do you like to do for fun?” I bit my lip again, i have no idea who this boy is and yet im so nervous around him. “Did you notice that you bit your lip when you are thinking.” I blush in embarrassment. Before i was going to say something he interrupted. “I think its adorable.” Im sure my face was super red now.

“Hey (Y,N) Do you want to- why is your face so read?” Remus chuckles as he leans back and continues his book. I look towards him, he winks at me then continues to read.

“Its just hot out here. I am not a huge fan of sports but i will for sure watch,” Lilly shrugged and went to go play. The picked teams, they were now up in the air playing. Sirius had the ball the passed it to James. James threw it in the hoop but the ball landed near one of Lilly’s moms flower pots. The pot went into many different pieces. Everyone in the air and on ground were silent.

“Please Merlin she didnt hear.”

“James and Sirius!” My Aunt yells.

“We will go clean it up.” Everyone laughs,

“Is there a time when they dont break something?”

“Almost every time they break something dear, however this time it was just a flower pot and not our window.” My Aunt explained as she put the cookies on the table. “Last time they broke my window and James’s parents payed for a new one. Ive never seen James so terrified, Remus had the pleasure of watching that one unfold.” Remus chuckled and shook his head.

“What did Sirius’s parents say.” She paused as she placed a pitcher of Lemonade on the table. “Ok we dont talk about his parents, got it.”

“Mrs. Evans is not of fan of his parents. Sirius hasnt been back home since the summer going into his second year. James’s family took him in.” I looked over at Sirius with a sad look. He was pushing James to the ground laughing. He looked so happy though. Coming from a horrible household you think he would be an asshole. “I know what your thinking, he is upset about his family but at the same time he found a better family here. Hes a nice boy.” Remus looked back up at her. She got the hint, winked and went inside.

“That was an interesting look you gave her.” He smirked

“I just dont think hes your type.” I raised my eyebrow at him. This boy dont even know me. But whats weird is that hes right.

“Oh really well whats my type?”

“You date nice boys, well you started dating a type like Sirius but it didnt go well. Now you arent really looking right now nervous how the next boy will be.” He was right but it brought back memories i didnt need. I stood up, went inside and slammed the porch door. Aunt tried to stop me but i was already half way up the stairs. I think Remus means well but what he doesnt know is my last relationship ended with me in the hospital and being a werewolf for the rest of my life.

@thenaturaldisaster@th3maraud3rsmap @rougerazors @rainandhotchocolate

#remus x reader #werewolf #remus x reader smut #smut #marauders era

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idreamofhazel · 6 years

Text

All Work, No Play

Requested by @murielthemagicalgirl: Reader crushes hard on Sam and works from time to time together with the boys. And she's introverted and a usually mature and serious person. But when she accidentally sees Sam without his shirt she gets hella flustered and awkward and Dean grins from ear to ear and teases her because of it until she confesses maybe that she indeed likes his brother, not knowing that said is standing behind her

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: just fluff

Your machete sliced cleanly through the neck of a falling vampire. As the body thumped to the floor, you drug the blade across your jacket with two quick swipes.

“You’re going to need some tide pens for that.” Dean Winchester stood behind you, chuckling to himself.

A quick glance around the room showed you that the last of the nest was fallen. The bloody mess had splattered and pooled on the victorian rug beneath your feet. There might have been some pieces of salvageable furniture elsewhere in the house but none in this room. Four dead vampires had stained the parlor with red. It was very Addam’s Family meets The Walking Dead. You picked up the arms of a vampire who fell across the velvet footrest and drug it across the floor. You dropped her on top of the one you just killed and headed for another one.

“What’s up with the pile? Or vamp-ile, if you will.” Dean couldn’t contain the pleasure he derived from coming up with that joke.

You dumped another body in your pile. Out of the corner of your eye, Sam knudged Dean with his shoulder and began to help you with the clean up task. When you thought no one could see your face, you smiled to yourself. You appreciated the help.

“I never knew a hunter that could smile about their work like that.” Dean was suddenly beside you, his voice in your ear.

“I never knew a hunter that cracked so many jokes on the job,” you said.

“Jokes keep the sanity alive, sweetheart.”

“Dean,” Sam chided from across the room.

“She’s worked with us enough times to know my style,” Dean said.

“And you’ve worked with me enough to know mine,” you shot back.

That elicited a smug smile from Sam.

Your cheeks grew hot as Sam looked at you with pride. Your cleverness was instantly cut back. No matter how confident you were, one look from Sam turned you into a stuttering mess.

“I know you won’t come celebrate with us,” Dean said, “All work, no play. It’s really sad.”

“I’ll go.” You faced the opposite direction of the Winchesters, bagging a vampire head. You could feel their wide eyes on the back of your head.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to take your notes or, or clean your knives?” Sam didn’t mean his question as a jab.

You smiled at his memory of your habits before turning around. “No. I’ll just do it tomorrow. Come on,” you said, slipping your knife into your boot and throwing the garbage bag full of heads over your shoulder, “It’s time to have some fun. Let’s party. Or whatever you do.”

Sam and Dean exchanged a glance as you walked out the stained glass door. The tattered blanket covering the glass gave up and fell to the floor as the lock clicked into place. Dean mouthed Fun?; Sam shrugged. Sam had never seen you with a drink in your hand, let alone in a bar. The thought of it made him worry that something else was going on. He’d have to ask you when Dean wasn’t around.

Being in a bar was an uncomfortable experience. You could handle hunting challenges with tact and grace but the dynamics of the drinking scene disoriented you. You alternated your attention between the stray threads on your shirt and taking sips of your jack and coke. Dean played pool for gas money while Sam sat next to you, finishing his second beer.

“So, honestly,” Sam said, “What made you decide to come out here? You trying to prove something to Dean?”

His smile was teasing and overwhelming.

“Uh, no. I,” you began, your cheeks growing hot, “I guess I-”

“Hey Sam!” Dean called out. You both turned your heads to the sound. Dean motioned Sam over from across the bar, “New game! Teams!”

“Hold that thought,” Sam said apologetically.

He took off towards the pool table, leaving you with the rest of your answer hanging on the tip of your tongue. The Winchester Pool Games lasted as long as Dean felt a winning streak. You’d have to explain another night, whenever you ran into Sam and Dean again.

You sucked your jack and coke dry, staring down the barrel of the straw until the last drop was gone. Dean whooped behind you. Maybe it was time to join the fun.

You grabbed a handful of peanuts, swung around on your stool, and hopped off. Sam was leaning over the pool table, the arch of his back displayed gracefully. He adjusted his pool stick with deliberation, his shirt hovering over the edge of the table, his hair falling over his cheek. He hit the cue ball with accuracy, sinking in two of the opponent’s with one strike, then stood proudly.

The other two men grimaced, unaware that Sam had such precision. There was a fair amount of money on the line.

You wandered over to a table with a satisfactory view of the game. Sam winked at you as one of their opponents tried to sink a ball but grumbled when he missed. The alcohol in your system gave you the sense to smile back with a laugh.

The stolen glances continued and ended when Dean declared victory with a sunken eight ball. They had played four games and won each of them. Sam bought three victory beers and handed one to you. Your eyes fell to the floor as the confidence you had wore off.

By the end of the beers, exhaustion had creeped up on all of you. You unanimously declared the night over, getting up to leave the bar in unison. Dean grabbed your shoulder from behind before you reached the door. Sam kept walking.

“Hey, you’re staying at the same motel as us, right?” he said, glancing over as Sam walked out the door.

“Yeah, why?”

“Can you come to our room? I wanna talk to you about something. I’ll send you a text when we’re decent.” He added a smirk but his request seemed off.

“Uhh, sure.”

“Cool.” Dean patted your shoulder then let his hand fall as he took off after Sam.

He left you standing in the middle of the bar without an explanation but with a hoard of questions. A deep voice slurred from across the bar. “You all alone now?”

There could only be about two reasons why Dean would ask you to his room. One, he was going to play a prank, or two, he or both Winchesters had been keeping a secret from you that had life-or-death ramifications.

The voice called out again. “He-eey you wanna drank I sayd?”

You were in the mood for none of it. You stalked out the door, letting it bang loudly behind you. Dean, or both, would hear it from you if one of them had decided to do something stupid again like sell their souls.

The text came shortly after you brushed your teeth and changed into sweats. You knocked four times on the thin, wooden door and waited. Dean took a long time to answer for someone who was expecting a guest.

The door flew open and instead of Dean’s face, Sam’s bare chest greeted you.

“Hey Y/N, what’s up?” Sam said.

“I, uh, Dean said he’d be here, but I guess I, I heard wrong. Sorry.” You kept your eyes anywhere but on his freshly showered six-pack. You noticed his pajama pants were plaid but you had to be careful where you looked there, too. You looked up but darted when you met his eyes. Then you moved down to his feet. They were bare.

“You can come in and wait for him if you want.” Sam was acting nonchalant. Way too nonchalant.

“No that’s ok.” You turned on your heels and fled.

Well that was stupid! Could you have handled that situation any more poorly!

“Hey Y/N!” Dean.

You stopped next to a row of vending machines, the light from their displays revealing Dean’s smug face.

“You said to meet you in your room. I went to your room. You were not there.”

“Well I’m here.”

You glowered at him. “I think you know what I mean.”

“I don’t think I do.”

You threw back your head and sighed. “You knew Sam would be there by himself.”

“Why is that a problem?”

“Because he was shirtless when he opened the door!”

Dean chuckled to himself. “I can’t say anything about what Sam chooses to do when I’m not there.”

Your cheeks grew hot again. “That’s not the point!” you sighed, “I can tell by the look on your face that you orchestrated this whole set up.”

“Set up for what?”

“You know exactly what.”

“Ooh, because you have a massive crush on my little brother?”

“Yes! Fine! Ok? And you knew he’d be there, probably shirtless, and you knew I’d answer the door completely unprepared and make myself look like an idiot!”

“You didn’t look like an idiot, Y/N,” Sam said.

Sam.

You spun around. Now he wore a gray t-shirt paired with his sneakers and a facetious grin.

“Why are you here!” you cried.

He chuckled. “I wanted to get a snack.” He gestured towards the machines.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head. “I didn’t really know what was going on.”

“So you don’t actually have a massive crush on me?”

“Well I-”

“Because that would be disappointing,” Sam said. His eyes never wavered from your face.

Your heart picked up speed as if it were going to fly out of your throat and the butterflies in your stomach felt more like a flock of hummingbirds.

Sam reached his hand for your elbow and pulled you close. You didn’t protest.

“I’ve actually waited a long time to do this,” he whispered to you.

“Me too,” you breathed out.

Sam responded with a beaming smile before his lips met yours. The kiss wasn’t perfect; there were nose bumps, but it was everything you imagined it would be. You melted. Sam was a great kisser.

“Uh guys, I’m still here,” Dean said.

Sam didn’t stop so neither did you. You wiggled your arm out of his hold and waved Dean off. This is what he wanted after all, for you and Sam to finally admit your feelings for one another. How it was happening was all his fault really. You felt Sam smile against your lips and you mirrored him, putting your arms around his neck and pulling him closer, basking in the glow of an off-brand soda machine and a blinking vacancy sign. Having fun was the best decision you ever made.

Tags:

Everything: @akshi8278 @amanda-teaches @angelus320 @atc74 @authoressskr @bambi95-blog @because-imma-lady-assface @blanketmadeofstar @brewsthespirit-blog @britney8793 @cutedictionary @ellen-reincarnated1967 @emoryhemsworth @feelmyroarrrr @frenchybell @growningupgeek @gryffindorable713 @hexparker @holyfuckloueh @impala-dreamer @its-not-candy @jayankles @jesspfly @luciisthebest @megansescape @mjdoc90 @mogaruke @moonlitskinwalker @mrsbatesmotel53 @mrswhozeewhatsis @nightmaredean @oneshoeshort @pizza-boy-cas @seenashwrite @shamelesslydean @sis-tafics @skybinx-blog @spontaneousam @super-not-naturall @tennesseewhiskey-and-pie @there-must-be-a-lock @waiting-to-find-myshadows @wordstothewisereaders @itsthesamegametoday @mereka18 @sea040561 @french-the-llama @calaofnoldor @hanginwithmanerds @sadist-fangirl232 @serienjunkiegirl @covered-byroses @lostnliterature @un-autor-anonim

Oneshots/Drabbles: @blackfandomtrashandproud @lipstickandwhiskey @wildfirewinchester @pjofangirl18 @aubreystilinski @starry-chaos @namelessflorence @coffee-obsessed-writer

#sam x reader #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester oneshot

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aegissi · 5 years

Text

my bts concert experience in bullet points

this is gonna be long!!!

namjoon looked so good. litcherally. i was ready to risk it all for him. seeing him on screen during the first song (it was dionysus) felt like getting hit by a train.

speaking of dionysus,,, everyone looked really hot so i was very flustered sgjfvdgb (especially namjoon. especially him.)

hobi was sooo cute during wings like he did a liddle flying move it was adorable

just dance was such a fun stage!!!! hobi is so charismatic and he sounded amazing too (he kinda sounded very nasal at the beginning but it stopped after a few moments) the part with the water cannons was awesome btw

jungkook was so smiley!!!!! he was adorable during euphoria and he looked so happy :((( not to mention that he also sounded so clear so stable and so good (and during the last chorus he was like “sing it!!!!” and when he got back on the stage he did a cute walk as if he was on a school trip ssgjfbhkdn)

taehyung had no business looking that good during best of me. thats all i can remember from this song.

jimin sounded kinda weird at the beginning of serendipity (my friend thought that there was something wrong with the mic) like his voice was way too high?? but it was fine for the rest of the song so idk that was random ghhdgfhdb the dancing was perfect btw he was both delicate and powerful (and during the whole concert he was the one i noticed the most bc he had sm energy and he executed every move flawlessly) the whole stage was so pretty with the bubbles and all

trivia love was so good!!!! namjoon is an amazing performer and i loved all the hearts they put on the screens too that was really cute (it was written “je t’aime paris” at the end of the song,, that was a nice little touch)

they looked like they had sm fun during boy with luv (and at the end jk changed his love sign to a finger heart but he couldnt find the right camera it was cute)

taehyung said some words in french (i could only hear fantastique bc of all the screaming) and then he asked how his french was (we all yelled that it was good ofc) and then i think that jin said “you’re killing it” but im not sure shvfjgbk jungkook started singing champs élysées and his pronunciation was pretty good imo

jungkook put the rose from boy with luv behind his ear :(((

the whole dope/fire/baepsae medley was so fun (and yeah hobi did the splits and hip thrusted in our faces,,,, namjoon too)

jimin sounded the best during idol imo (with jin ofc)

singularity was a whole religious experience. the audience audibly gasped when taehyung opened his eyes in that bed like. he was so sultry and it felt like i was being hypnotised. that performance was perfect on all levels (and i loved the effects they put on the screen where he was split in red and in blue) icb i had the honor of witnessing that,,, he looked so mesmerising on the screen im still not over this (in general he looked divine everytime he was on screen,,, the charisma,,,,, the presence,,,,,, the aura,,,,,,,,and he looked absolutely adorable when he smiled)

the fake love outfits. incredible. never been done before. extraordinary. fantastique, as taehyung would say

yoongi’s voice sounded higher than i thought it would during seesaw (during the whole concert actually sjfhbkgb even when he talked??) he looked very pretty but it was personally the solo stage i liked the least :// like he didn’t make any mistakes and he sounded good when he sang but it had less impact than the others to me???

EPIPHANY!!!!!! jin sounded perfect and he wore glasses and i almost died. epiphany is better live than on the album imo,,, i just wish armys would have stayed QUIET!!!!!! they almost sang the whole song like bitch i payed to listen to jin not u!!!!!!! anyway jin was so stable and the background made him look like an angel (which he is) and his last adlibs were *chef kiss*

vocal line was perfect during the truth untold but i wish armys would have just,,,shut up svdbjg like this is a ballad?? why r u yelling??? why r u singing over the professional singers??? i kinda wanted to actually hear jungkook sing the “but i still want u” part???? anyway jimin and jk were in full vocal kings mode at the end it was amazing i’ll never get sick of this song (and taehyung’s voice is a gift, truly,,, jin too ofc) also the outfits were so good pls give the styling team a raise they litcherally looked like princes

TEAR WAS SO FUCKING GOOD OMG SGHVJHBGKJBKDJ okay so first off the effects they put on the screen with the green things were so fucking cool and rap line themselvesb too!! namjoon was incredible but hoseok??? mistre jung????????? in that dior outfit?????????????? his stage presence is unmatched. to be more detailed, namjoon sounded better live and had sm energy and hobi too (his part at the end... i am deceased) but i kinda felt like yoongi was a bit off? he was good ofc but idk it seemed to me that he had less energy than the other two (he was probably just tired or sick idk this is not me saying that he sucks ofc)

i didn’t film anything for mic drop so i enjoyed it to the fullest hehe it was awesome (especially hobi’s part)

jin wore a cap during the encore. it was great.

anpanman was cute!!! i have to say that i was barely focusing on the song i was just looking at the bangtans playing around on those bouncy things and they looked really happy

my tits were almost out during so what bc i was jumping too much it’s definitely a song u have to see live

im pretty sure they made us do a wave twice so that jimin could count to three in french and that tae could say “magnifique” afterwards (the army bombs became a rainbow too it was beautiful)

it was difficult to hear them during the ments sometimes bc everybody was screaming :///

they kept saying that they would come next year

jk said “je n’oublierai jamais tous mes souvenirs avec vous” (i’ll never forget all my memories with u) it was very sweet and then he said smth with “pour toujours” (forever) at the end but i didnt catch the beginning of his sentence

jin, tae and yoongi imitated all the people who were trampling on the bleachers (those fans were so loud and did this shit at the randomest times....)

taehyung said his pronunciation wasn’t good but that he prepared a few sentences in french and then he said “paris si vous aimez pouvez vous nous dire (?) l’année dernière était comme (?) pouvez-vous nous (?) s’il vous plaît? j’aime vraiment paris. je n’oublierai pas (?)” (paris if you like can you say (?) last year was like (?) could you (?) please? I really love paris. I won’t forget (?)... and at the end i think he asked us if we would come next year but im not sure bc people were screaming at some points) and he ended by saying i love you in korean and he teared up :((( it was so sweet of him to prepare all of this!!!

jimin talked for a while (in korean instead of french bc he wanted us to feel his sincerity) abt how during this tour he realised that he was really happy being around his members, the staff and the fans and that he genuinely hoped that we were too and that happiness was right next to us (and that he hoped that bts was in that happiness too) and he also thanked us several times and said i love u,,, he’s a sweetheart :((

hobi said that he prepared stuff in french even tho he wasn’t confident and said “aujourd’hui c’est la meilleure nuit de notre tour (?) on a terminé notre tour sans accident et ça nous a permis de sentir à quel point vous nous aimez (?) vous êtes vraiment notre espoir, merci d’avoir passé un bon temps avec nous, je vous aime, merci beaucoup” (today is the last night of our tour (?) we finished our tour without any accident and it allowed us to feel how much u love us (?) u guys are really our hope, thank u for spending a good time with us, i love u, thank u sm) im sorry i missed some words bc i genuinely can’t understand what he said shgvdjf other than that his pronunciation was good and it’s so sweet that he prepared all that,,, he looked kinda nervous but he smiled a lot and i think he was actually reading from the prompter??

namjoon said “do u know why paris is always the last date? bc u guys are the damn best (개짱)” but the interpret omitted the damn sjfdghk he also said “on se revoit très bientôt i love u” (let’s see each other very soon) and “paris est la ville des lumières” (paris is the city of lights) after making us take out our phones with the flash lights and then it transitioned right to mikrokosmos,, that was litcherally poetic cinema

other random things i remember: taehyung was in a really good mood (everyone actually, they were playing around a lot), hobi’s smile is so sunshiney, they poured water on each other a lot during encore (i watched jin sneaking up behind namjoon and spraying him sgfvjd they also watered jimin), there were some points where the mic quality wasn’t that good? idk maybe i just imagined it, i absolutely love how they used the screens it really added to the concert’s visuals, jin did a flying kiss during the first ment, jungkook went to the audience at the end but i was focusing on jin so i only realised he did that when jin was like “jungkook-ah” sjvfhjdgbkj, they weren’t extremely synchonized when dancing but they have great energy so it still looked good and overall i really enjoyed myself (me n my friend were ready to fight that one girl who kept screeching stuff at jungkook at random times tho,,,, icb she yelled shit at him during the truth untold like have some respect???)

#this was so long svkjgl #thank u if u read this entirely #i wrote it while watching the vids me n my friend filmed #anyway i have no regrets buying those tickets #im glad this was my first concert ever #it was too short tho!!!!#and i wish they added spring day to the setlist #bts #youmi.txt

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