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kalofi · 8 months

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zl fic idea

hii everyone i wrote something yesterday about an au idea i had for zolu and. i thought i'd share it here since its a bit too messy and disjointed in places to post on like. ao3 or something.

4.7k words, warning for temporary major character death but do not worry all will be fixed in due time. i'll put the rest under the cut

ok i have an idea for an au thats like kind of reincarnation but like reality displacement but like. okay just listen.

so we start at laughtale. its a couple years into the future from where we are in canon the strawhats are achieving their dreams luffy is about to find the one piece theres a big battle happening between them and the blackbeard pirates and whoever the fuck else is there idc. the rest of the strawhats are fighting the bb crew while luffy and zoro head off to find the one piece and also end up fighting black beard himself. luffy and zoro atp r like basically a thing but they never talk about it cuz theyre luffy and zoro and they kind of just exist with each other but like. theyre basically in love and everyone knows it. anyway they go off together luffy has the one piece almost in his grasp blackbeard attacks they fight its a big battle blood is shed bones are broken uumm in my mind luffy and zoro are like teaming up against bb bc his devil fruit is lowk broken and op and like ok theres gear5 too but i didnt rly consider that so lets just assume bb’s devil fruit can negate gear5 somehow or luffy exhausts it before bb is fully defeated.

finally theyre able to knock bb down and hes out and theyre both tired and worn but they DID IT and the one piece is luffys and theyre facing each other grinning ear to ear and zoros saying “you ready, king of the pirates?” and luffy laughs and goes “not just yet zoro, i still gotta-“ and then theres a spear piercing right through his chest. and in the next moment its gone.

theres a gaping hole through his captain and theres blood, theres so much blood and luffy’s still smiling like he hasnt realized it yet, like it hasnt even registered. zoros ears are ringing and he doesnt know what to make of whats hes seeing because its just not real, it CANT be.

he looks over luffy’s shoulder and blackbeard is on the ground with his hand outstretched , black energy coiling back into his form and he’s laughing and laughing with bloodstained teeth. hes fucking laughing. one moment zoro is still standing parallel to luffy and the next hes in front of blackbeard and the mans head is rolling through the dirt and gravel, wado dripping crimson, a terrible gap toothed grin still stretching the man’s cheeks.

zoro is breathing heavy, hes trembling and hes almost mesmerized by the blood pooling around a lacerated neck— then he’s remembering luffy and turning around and calling his name and he can see right through him theres a HOLE right through him and he chokes and stumbles and rushes to his side right as luffy starts to crumple to the floor . catches him and lowers him gently and doesnt know what to say.

hes still shaking but cant move his mouth and everything is muffled, the sounds from the battle outside are distant and they dont matter but what does he do. what does he do.

he snaps out of it when luffy gently calls his name. a strong “zoro,” like hes not fazed at all. like there isnt blood soaking into zoros clothes.

his brain kickstarts and he’s speaking. saying things like “youre ok you’ll be ok” and “choppers right outside i’ll just call him and he’ll fix you right up” and “you always bounce back, right captain?” and hes thinking “dont die please dont fucking die. not now, not when we’re this close please dont fucking die” and hes silently praying to all the gods he doesnt believe in but luffy calls his name again and his mouth clicks shut. luffys saying it’ll be fine, that he had fun. that hes proud to have made it this far with all of them. and those sound a lot like parting words so zoro’s shaking his head no but luffy is still smiling. hes saying that hes glad he had zoro, that he made him happy. hes saying to tell everyone he’s glad they met, that hes glad they all had each other, that he knows theyll be just fine .

zoro wants to say that luffy should tell that to them himself, when hes wrapped up and recovering and alive but his mouth is glued shut again and he feels that interrupting luffy now would be cursing him to death, like his words are the only thing keeping him tethered here, he just needs to get him to keep talking to stay awake.

he tries to smile but it comes out ugly and wrong and he feels his lip wobble so he drops it. he settles on rubbing his thumb on luffys shoulder. something to keep him here.

so he rubs and luffy talks little things until he cant anymore. until his eyes grow dull and his skin loses its warmth and still zoro rubs and he rubs.

—

thats how law finds them. zoro hunched over a body that should never be as still as it is. and its really no surprise hes there, hes been gunning for the one piece since the time he could captain a ship (or a submarine) but it all feels so wrong.

zoro either doesnt notice him or doesnt care, but either way the man doesnt acknowledge law until he’s right behind him. its not like law can say anything to announce himself either, not after seeing the state of the body that zoros currently holding. the body that used to be luffy’s. hes still processing it all when the other man(the one whos alive) finally speaks.

zoro asks if hes got a devil fruit. less of a question and more of a statement, but he should know anyway since theyve spent considerable time together and hes literally seen him use it. law cant unstick his jaw so he hums in affirmation. “and you can switch stuffs’ places?” another hum. “what about time.”

that makes law pause. “what?” his voice comes out stronger than he feels.

“what about time? can you switch things in time?” by this point law has awakened his devil fruit or some shit dont sweat the logistics but hes never tried anything of that sort so he kind of stumbles “im not- maybe? ive never attempted-“ zoro interrupts “send me back”

“what?”

“send me back so i can fix this. you can do that, right.” it clicks. law would pity zoro if he didnt know any better, instead he just feels mounting despair and resignation.

he may not be crew, but he knew luffy too, he was allied with the man for fucks sake, and this just feels- wrong. he sighs, a tired, heavy thing.

“what about your crew?” its useless. zoros as stubborn as his captain, with arguably a handful more screws loose. “it wont matter. they’ll never know because i’ll make sure this doesnt happen.” he still hasnt turned around. law doesnt know what expression hes making and hes sure he never wants to find out.

hes ready to deny it, cut his losses and head for the one piece himself (hes not heartless, but if he stands here any longer and has to look at. well. he think he might never be able to move again) but then he really thinks about it. could he? would it even be possible? surely this isnt the way things were supposed to go, surely this isnt right. luffys never been one who was supposed to die just like that, like this, law knows that much. he thinks hes going to regret this, but he counts it as one last thank you for everything luffy did for him.

youre gonna owe me big time strawhat-ya. if i even remember this, that is.

he puffs a breath “i can try. i cant- promise anything but. i think we both know this,” he makes a vague, weak gesture, “isnt right.”

zoro doesnt say anything, law didnt expect him to. he just bows his head slightly and law takes that as the acknowledgment it is.

he brings his hand up, “dont do anything stupid, zoro-ya. or, at least, make it stupid enough to bring him back.”

he positions his fingers in way so familiar, but the weight of it now is nearly unbearable.

room.

shambles

—

zoro’s world shatters, differently than before, and then theres nothing.

—

he wakes up in bed, bleary eyed and a pounding headache assaulting his senses. his alarm clock is going off which only adds to the drumbeat against his eyes. he grumbles and whacks around aimlessly to shut it off. the silence lasts a moment before his eyes fly open and he jolts up, sheets pooling around his waist. luffy. where was he? where was zoro? did the crew find him and take him back to the ship? did law fail? but this didnt look like chopper’s office.

he looks around to find hes in a room hes never seen before in his life, yet he instinctively knows is his. it all feels so wrong, like he doesnt belong in his own skin. he scratches lightly at his arm. he needs to go to work.

work?

what the fuck is happening.

its like his mind is at war with itself, one truth trying to dominate over the other. he trained at sensei’s dojo. he aged out of foster care. he was a swordsman, he was the first mate of the strawhat pirates. he didnt go to college, hes working construction. he made a promise, and kuina died. kuina…died. huh. his captain, his luffy, someone he knew so intimately and who knew him in turn. hes never met someone with that name his entire life. he needs to go to work, he needs to find his crew.

he doesn’t understand what the fuck is happening.

without his permission his legs stand him right up and he moves confusedly, surely, to the bathroom he didnt know he had. his reflection stares back at him in the mirror and its him, of course it is, he doesnt know why he expected someone else, but hes also…different. he has both function of his eyes, first of all. a scar in the same place as before but its light and healed over and doesnt seem to have blinded him like it once did. his hair is green, sure, but black roots peek out from underneath the familiar shade. hes grown stubble, he should shave. he needs to go to work.

hes so confused, but his body moves like its been doing this its whole life. as far as zoro knows, it has.

he continues getting ready, mind still at odds, and makes himself a cup of coffee (in his own kitchen. his own kitchen? the state of it leaves less to be desired. sanji would surely skin him alive) before tucking into his shoes, grabbing his wallet and keys and heading out the door. he seems to live in a single room apartment, and a crummy one at that. his legs move him faster, he has to go to work, he cant be late again (again?).

his car is parked outside the building, he has no fucking clue what it is but he unlocks it all the same and settles in. he feels like he shouldnt be operating this sort of machinery. franky would know better than him how it must work. he starts it up and backs out. trusting his gut to get him where he needs to be. he should be more concerned, he should be frantic and inconsolable, his captain was dead in his arms and now hes? what? going to lay some bricks or some shit? but he finds that part of him dulled in favor of following whatever mundanity this body is pushing him towards.

uumm whatever whatever he arrives at work eventually i dont know how construction jobs work are there offices or something. idc thats not the point. johnny and yosaku are there and zoro is surprised to see them since, as far as he knows, the last time they were with each other was at arlong park which was years ago for him. but the two greet him like this is a daily occurence, like theyve been working together for years. and zoro thinks, knows, they must have. but this is good, this is great fucking news actually because until now theres been no confirmation if zoro was here alone (wherever “here” is) but now his proof is right in front of him because if johnny and yosaku are here, and they exist the same as from before, then that must mean everyone else is here too right? he clings onto this hope with both hands trembling.

nami, usopp, the cook and chopper and robin and franky, brook, jinbe and fuck. fuck, luffy. theyve got to be here somewhere, zoro just has to find them. hes not sure if they remember things like he does but hes got to try because they are his as much as he has always been theirs and they should all exist together as it has always been.

so then yeah he finishes his shift because its what hes ‘supposed’ to do but he doesnt go home. he drives around aimlessly before pulling into a random lot and pulling out his phone (theres no snail attached to it. weird.) he doesnt even know where to begin. hes not usually the one coming up with plans, he just goes where theres blood need to be shed. but no one seems to be in any danger here except for maybe himself, and its not like he has his swords anyway- shit. fuck did he still have wado? he must have right? he knows there was a kuina that existed here too, he knows because he remembers. and she, well she wasnt around anymore so he must have wado. he must. with shaking fingers he pushes that aside for now, though barely. he needs to find luffy, but he wouldnt even know where to start. luffy could probably find the rest of their crew by simply wandering around and happening upon them, thats how he did it before. but zoro has no idea where he’d be, he doesnt even know where he is. nami or robin would be a good bet to at least form a plan, but he wouldnt know how to find them either.

is there even a coco village here? would robin still be part of baroque works? he needs someone who has a defined location that he could google or something (what the hell is google?). usopp would be at syrup village right? shit. is there even a drum island? these are all too broad, he needs something specific. specific…..a place with an identifiable name, somewhere smaller that would be easier to stake out…

a lightbulb goes off.

fucking shit he thinks. of course. of fucking course it would come down to the cook.

he types in “baratie” to his maps and a location pops up, just 27 minutes from where he is now. he hasnt eaten yet either, so he figures thats killing two birds with one stone. he taps the address, backs out of the lot and drives.

(if it takes him nearly an hour to get there thats nobodys business but his own)

he pulls up to the building about a quarter after 7. it seems packed enough already, but if memory serves him right then that was just par for the course for baratie. he parks, gets out and locks his car, then shoves his hands in his pocket and resigns himself to another oncoming migraine hes sure to get upon interacting with the man hes certain is waiting somewhere inside.

the tables are full, the host tells him, he slips a 20 from his wallet and suddenly (of course) theyre more than willing to serve him.

he gets settled in a far and somewhat isolated booth and a waiter comes up to him, but he cuts the man off as hes introducing himself and says “you got a blonde working here? stupid ass side part with a weird eyebrow? goes by sanji” the waiter looks shocked and put off by his rudeness but quickly collects himself and says “we might. depends on whos asking” zoro snorts “just tell him hes got someone who wants to talk to him,” he cringes at this next part, tries to smile but knows it comes off as a sneer. hes not sure if he still has conquerors haki wherever he happens to be now, but he tries to channel that energy the same way he would if he were in battle and says “tell him im a fan.” the waiters eyes widen, in fear or surprise zoros not sure (most likely a mix of both) before he nods and scurries across the floor, weaving in between patrons and coworkers alike until he disappears behind the double doors to the kitchen.

zoro sits with his arms crossed and skims through the menu out of boredom and impatience. its a couple minutes before he sees a familiar head of blonde hair emerge from across the way. a smile climbs onto his face despite himself. sure, the guy annoyed him to hell and back and their…friendship (if you could really call it that) was a tumultuous one, but it was good to see someone familiar nonetheless. he schools his expression before the blonde can spot him. a few moments pass before hes standing right in front of zoro, his stupid suit primped and pressed as always, and a cautious look on his face.

“you asked for me?” his tone is the one he only reserves for men who he deems not worth his time. zoro grits his teeth but says “yeah, theres something ive gotta discuss with you.”

hes never been one for tact, forever blunt unlike his swords.

sanji quirks a brow “i dont plan on talking about anything with anyone unless theyre a paying customer” zoro feels his eyebrow twitch but grabs his menu nonetheless and points to a random item without looking “i’ll have this then, and whatever booze you got.” sanji leans in to see what hes pointing to before his one visible eye widens and a grin slowly overtakes his previously unaffected face.

he speaks condescendingly. “wonderful choice sir, coming right up.” before zoro can get another word in he grabs the menu out of his hand, spins on his heel, and marches back to the kitchen.

zoro clenches his fists and does his best not to grind his teeth into a fine dust. no matter where they are or what displacement in time the fucking curly brow never fails to be absolutely insufferable. at least this way though, zoro knows its him for real.

its another 20 minutes before the shit cook reemerges from the back with a platter and a mug in his hand. he steps up to zoros table and places the plate and cup down in front of him with a smug look. zoro has no idea what the fuck hes looking at on his plate. he doesnt have time to question it before sanji plops down in the booth seat across from him, disregarding all previous faux-professionale and asking “so what do you want” zoro tears his eyes away from his plate and looks into sanji’s, trying to convey as much emotion, as much urgency as he possibly can.

“luffy needs us. and we have to find him” whatever the cook was expecting him to say, it definitely wasnt that. the other man regards him more warily now, looking him up and down with a tense frown before replying “i dont know what the hell youre talking about. and i dont appreciate being mocked or having my time wasted” he goes to stand up but zoro grabs his wrist, yanking him back down unceremoniously.

he blinks before rounding back on zoro, flaring his nostrils in a way zoro knows means hes about to get himself in deep shit “oi, what the fuck do you think youre-“ he doesnt let him finish “im not mocking you. this isnt some stupid prank or whatever youre thinking. and despite how much i would enjoy punching your teeth in right now im not looking for a fight either.”

the cook still looks affronted but seems to actually be listening. zoro continues “look, i dont know what the fuck is going on. i was at laughtale with you and the others, with luffy, and then i woke up and now im here and i dont know how but this is all wrong. its all wrong but i need to find luffy and fuck, i cant do it alone. i need your help to find him. find everyone.” the blondes eye is wide, but he blinks and its gone. he looks more tired than zoro has ever seen him

“im not paid enough for this shit. i dont know why i even-“ he looks like hes getting ready to leave again but zoro is desperate at this point so he blurts out whatever he thinks will convince the other man hes not bullshitting.

“we met you here, at the baratie. me and nami and usopp and luffy. luffy busted through one of your walls so your old man punished him by making him wash dishes. i dont, i dont know what luffy said to you, or how he convinced you to join us, but he changed your life like he did mine. we sailed together, and we had each others backs no matter how much we got on each others nerves. you were our cook. i was our swordsman. luffy was our captain and youd do anything to help him, i know you would, same as me. youre a pervert and an asshole and a damn annoyance, but youre strong. i could still kick your ass though” if the cook’s eyebrow could go any higher hes sure itd be clear off his forehead by now.

“and you- your dream. you wanted to find the all blue.” he stalls there, engine sputtering. zoro doesnt know what else to say, so he snaps his mouth shut.

the blonde is still gaping at him like a fish, but he mouths the phrase “all blue” like hes been searching for it his whole life, like he always knew but just never had the words.

he blinks.

then he blinks again, rapidly. there are tears pooling in his eyes. his mouth flaps for a moment before he seems to finally be able to push out words.

“you- zoro?” he sounds small. he sounds hopeful. zoro grins.

“yeah, yeah its me.” sanji stares at him a moment, then looks around, as if hes seeing everything with clear eyes for the very first time. zoro figures he might as well be.

“holy shit. holy shit.”

zoro laughs, a rough thing. theres a ball in his throat that he cant seem to dislodge. “nice to have you back, curly brow” sanji’s gaze snaps back to him before he scowls and tries wiping away the tears that are now streaking down his cheeks. its useless though, it seems they cant stop. zoro laughs again at the sorry state of the asshole in front of him, this time more full and genuine. he feels so relieved he doesnt know what to do with himself.

“yeah yeah, whatever dick head.” sanji grumbles. zoro quiets down, glances away, lets him have his moment. “fuck, mosshead, im still on the clock and you unload all this on me? how the hell am i supposed to finish the rest of my shift?” his words are sharp but he doesnt sound angry at all. in fact, when zoro turns back to look, hes smiling.

“you remember now though, dont you?” he has to be sure.

“what does it look like, dumbass? think im tearin’ up cuz of pollen or some shit?” the cook rolls his eye. theyre both silent for a moment, trapped in their own heads, before he speaks up again. “so, what now?” zoro doesnt even have to think before he answers “we find everyone else, obviously.” “well no shit, but how?” zoro glances to the side. “i was hoping youd figure that out” sanji stares before bursting out laughing. zoro scowls and hunches into his shoulders.

“of course!” sanji cackles “of course your dumbass wouldnt know what to do! you probably just typed in the most recognizable place you could remember and hoped one of us would be there!” zoro doesn’t answer, because yes thats what he fucking did, but it worked didnt it? he doesnt see whats so funny.

“fuck you.”

he wants nothing more than to bash that smarmy mouth in, but the familiar egging settles something in his soul. sanji gasps a few breaths before calming down, now wiping tears from his eyes for a completely different reason.

“alright alright, well lets figure this out then, yeah? we figure out how we got here then we can figure out how to get back right? simple enough”

zoro nods, “law was-“ he stops. remembers dull eyes and clammy skin and wrong wrong wrong. he shakes his head, “no, no we cant” sanji looks at him confused.

“we cant go back,” zoro presses, “not until i fix things. i promised i would” the other man seems to pick up on his panic and his mood dampens, becomes more serious. “promised what?”

zoros never been one to sugarcoat, but now he wishes he could find a way to soften the blow hes about to deal. he inhales, pushes the breath out. says, “luffy died, sanji.” the fact the hes actually using the other mans name seems to fly right over his head in favor of the first part. “what?” zoro huffs, is he really gonna make him say it again? “luffy di-“ sanji interrupts, angry now, fists clenched and whitened from the pressure “i heard what you said. but what do you mean.”

he doesnt want to have to tell sanji what happened, doesnt want to talk about it at all, wants to slice it up into small enough pieces that it very well may have never existed.

he told law the others wouldn't have to know, that he would make sure of it, but he's realizing now just how unrealistic that is. as much faith as zoro places in his own abilities, he's aware he's only one man.

and, he figures, if there's anyone i can trust enough to share a burden heavy as this with, might as well be the one who's strength i'd count on just as much as my own.

sanji cant help if he doesnt know what went down once they got separated at laughtale, so zoro sets his shoulders, clenches his fists, prepares himself like hes riding into a battle he knows he has no chance of winning—hes the first mate for fucks sake—and resigns himself to filling the other man in on every horrible detail

by the end, the cook looks much the same as zoro feels, pale-faced and shaky. he runs a trembling hand through his hair and clenches his eye shut. “fuck mosshead, thats…” he doesnt bother finishing, and zoro stays silent—already knowing just how much of a shitty situation it is that theyve found themselves in.

—

(btw the reason sanji was so smug about what zoro randomly chose on the menu is bc its one of their most expensive dishes. even upon regaining his memories he still makes zoro pay it cuz hes an asshole like that. business is business 😁)

uuummm i dont feel like detailing the rest basically my idea is that they work together to try and track down all the members as well as law, since hes also a part of this. i dont know how or when or in what order but i do know finding luffy would come last. so yes its zolu but for a majority of it more in spirit than anything. maybe i can throw in some luffy pov of him living with ace and sabo . he knows something is off but cant place his finger on what. he knows something is missing but hes got his brothers with him so what else could he possibly need? etc etc. you get the idea

#devil fruits don't work like this but don't sweat the logistics. just read with your heart not your head #it starts off rough cause im kind of just rambling about my ideas then the more i go the more it just turns into a fic #let me know your thoughts in the comments or my inbox or whatever i love discussing stuff hehe!!#as you all know im an artist first and foremost but sometimes my ideas get a bit too big for my current drawing skills so i write them down #so heres that #one piece #zolu #theres no guarantee i'll ever like. srsly continue this but i rly rly like it as a concept im invested LOL #and i have a few ideas on how the rest of the crew would be found that ive discussed w friends #so perhaps if i find motivation and can outline. an actual plot progression and clean up this first part...#well who knows... XD #also im not a zs truther in fact my insta followers r well aware of my. certain feeling on the ship #HOWEEVVEERRR i do think zoro and sanji have such an interesting unique and important dynamic/relationship #that i enjoy studying outside of a romantic lens #anyway ive spoken enough . pls enjoy! or dont thats fine as well

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actualbird · 2 years

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nxx team and their organizational apps/methods of choice and how all of this will lead to mc possibly strangling the entire team (affectionate)

wc: 972

this was a joint effort between me and my girlfriend playing headcanon tennis via discord

mc: Notion and very prettily designed

mc strikes me as a very organized person, when it comes to work stuff, and Notion is a great app for people who like organizing things and also want a relatively easy UI to traverse. theres pages and embed functions and checklists and calendars, mc loves it ALL

and she loves that Notion also allows you to customize how everything looks!! so her Notion looks something like this

having a nice Notion page helps her motivation to get things done. looking at tasks and information in a page thats Pretty can do wonders for the soul and brain <3

artem: Notion but it's absolute barren barebones

artem is also a very organized person so he enjoys Notion for the same reasons mc does.

however, he customizes 0 decorations. looks like this

barebones, straight to the point. ive always seen artem as somebody who gets visually overwhelmed when a bunch going on in terms of design. and getting overwhelmed is the opposite of what he wants to happen when working, so he keeps it simple

also, hes shit at anything art related and making a Notion page is adjacent enough to that that even if he tried, he would fail horrendously

marius: Google Workplace but it's made by pax instead, Pax Workplace, pls imagine the image attached is pax themed instead

marius Is somebody who appreciates aesthetics and is good at it, but if it's work, hes not gonna be putting effort to make that look nice, hes got his paintings and art for that!!! and since his work is Pax and NXX (which is Pax funded, i always forget that fact!) he shrugs and uses Pax's system

it's all there anyway, he doesnt have to waste time setting stuff up and time is a Finite Resource in his life and busy day to day schedules

the ony flaw of Pax Workplace isnt rlly inherent to the app itself, but to marius. cuz hes always tryna get everybody else on board in using it too in a joke-y salesman energy kind of way, and if he brings it up one more time, someones gonna SNAP

luke: just the notepad app that came with his laptop but used in the worst way possible

confession: this is how i organize stuff and im bestowing to luke not just cuz i love projecting on him but also cuz it's in character. in his personal story 3, mc mentioned that luke is such a messy person in his own space but manages to know where everything is anyway. it wouldnt be a stretch to assume this extends to a digital space too

so luke just uses the notepad app

and he keeps everything in only like 2 note files

one is called Work. the other is called Munchies. the first one is all his work notes, investigations, leads, contacts, everything. the second one is filled with all his usual takeout orders.

both of files started filled up with the thing that their name topic is, but then luke got a bit distracted and started forgetting to check which notepad he was putting shit in. so both note files ends up being like a LONG BLOCK TEXT PARAGRAPH of investigation theories and then followed by "manager’s choice large, garlic n cheese large if mc is coming over" and both files are SO GODDAMN LONG because hes been using em ever since he returned to stellis

oh and he added a 3rd new notepad that has nothing in it but the lyrics of the Agent P song from phineas and ferb but he edited it to be about peanut

because thats totally important and needs its own file, duh

vyn: he just remembers it all

hah, noting things down? who do you think he is, some kind of idiot with a bad memory? aside from mentioning things in his daily audio recordings, he doesnt keep notes anywhere except in his mind. he does it quite well

but he'll never admit that he does this mostly as another odd avenue of superiority over other people. vyn can remember many dates and notes, whereas artem can only---

and thus: coordinating schedules and information for investigation purposes is hell

mc: okay so ive created a full system on notion. it's color coded, font formatted, easy navigation to sub-pages---

artem, a bit overwhelmed at all the nice visuals: why are there...so many colors....what is happening...

luke: oh ive got a lot of notes for this subpage!!! lemme just get---wait up, i knew i had this info somewhere, i must have just put it in the Munchies notepad---

artem, more confused: the what?

mc: oh god

luke: foooouuunnnddd ittttt //copy pastes his entire unformatted block of text into a subpage

mc: i am near tears, please

marius: why cant we just use pax workplace?

mc: //EYE TWITCH, MOVES TO STRANGLE MARIUS

marius: WAIT WAIT IM SORRY

mc, calming herself: okay. okay.....we just need to schedule some meetings this week, okay?

marius, trying to redeem himself by helping: okay uh well when is everybody free this week?

luke: copy pasted all my free dates for the month!

artem: saturday, whole day after 2pm

mc: same

marius: nice okay, my calendar is also good on saturday and luke's got that too. vyn, where's your schedule?

vyn: in my mind

luke: ...

artem: ....

mc: .....

marius: ......okaaaaayyy so when are you free?

vyn, looking off into the distance pensively: when is anybody truly free?

and then by that point DAVIS has to interrupt the scene for a commercial break!

#tears of themis #artem wing #marius von hagen #luke pearce #vyn richter

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aquato-family-circus · 9 months

Note

I’ve answered a few asks on my blog about an au idea I had where the deluge still happened but Ford didn’t have to alter his, Lucy’s and Augustus’ memories and instead Lucy raised Augustus not as his mother, but under the full knowledge that she’s his aunt, and he grew up with the psychic 7 as family friends/aunties and uncles. I would like to gently shove this idea at you and ask if you have thoughts

I feel like this au has a lot of potential but I think the interesting thing abt it is that it comes at the cost of Ford willingly putting all of his friends and Lucy's remaining family in danger because like hell the world's governments would just let a psyhic mega threat just live her life right after she destoryed a small nation.

Idk if this means Lucy & Augustus are in hiding, if everyones in hiding, or what, but its a very different energy from canon. probably comes with a lot of internal drama between the psychic 7 as they cope with the aftermath and the ethics of what they're doing.

also helmut, is he still stuck in ice? i imagine if theres no use of the astrolathe ford remembers his brain and everyone wants to go find him but maybe experience the obstacle of grulovia being cold and destroyed. who knows.

its a very drastic au and idk how it would all shake out bc its so much of a divergence. maybe not one i feel particularly inspired to follow up on but like its cool ppl are thinking abt it.

#asks #theyaremanycolours #aus #i think britishsass talked abt the idea a while ago but i dont remeber it very well

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iwannabeastarstarrockmann · 9 months

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i dont fucking know if my thoughts are my own or if ive just been so emotionally and verbally abused each day that im starting to internalize someone elses idea of me. idk what to think lately. im so fucking depressed and anxious and sad like every single day, it hurtsso much, and it fucking sucks that there are people in my life who just view me as a sad sack of shit with no aspirations or value. i never get more than a day to get better from anything before someone in my life is pressuring me to get off my ass and do something productive. dont you know tht there is something seriously wrong with me. idk why i cant do things, i just cant. i wan to be so productive and social, i just cant bring myself to do it right now. i feel so trapped and overwhelmed. do you realize how exhausting it is to wake up everyday with a mind attacking itself, with a body that aches, with a hope that this will be your last day of suffering, with no sense of what it is you need in order for the suffering to stop. i want to scream but i have no energy to. i want to die one minute and then hope to save my own life the next, contradicting every word or thought with an action that is not my own. theres days where my health anxiety is practically non existant and then something will happen, it could be something so nonsensical and somehow ill get triggered or worried and there i go absolutely obsessed with some strange pain or weird tension, or god forbid i actually get infected with something. thats all i could focus on 24/7 until i find some way to make it better, but the worry from the thing that im feeling and wondering about my health, this shit brain decides its so stressful and scary that i should just starve myself, cause if i were skinny, these prooblems wouldnt feel so big, or maybe id be able to go to the doctor if im 2 sizes smaller. that doesnt make any sense. i know it doesnt so why do i do what i do. and then theres the cutting that i feel i have to do or else i wont learn from my mistakes but if i cut myself whenever i impulsively feel like it, then that makes my immune system too weak to fight off whatever i think i have this week so im trying to recover from that as its only making everything more complicated, but its all i can think about, especially in this self loathing state im in now. im such an idiot, im just a sick fuck who cant stop thinking to herself that maybe im faking all this and im actually okay. i think its all my fault for being this way, i dont remember what started all these unhealthy coping mechanisms but it has to have started with a thought right? i feel so ashamed for being this way, it was stupid of me to ever adopt such habits restriction makes me more confident but the constant exercise makes me too weak to go anywhere to show that confidence, and great! now i actually am sick, and my immune system is shit, and my emotional state and self hatred is making it worse, and im too overwhelmed to see anyone in my life who thinks they love me, because i dont want them to see me like this. they wouldnt believe me if i tried to explain that im struggling and need help. ive tried. they dont listen. they dont realize whats important. i know i put em through hell, im selfish, im self centered and dramatic and lazy and gross and undeserving of any love they think they have for me. i dont trust it. dont tell me you love me, you barely know me, the real me, the one i keep locked behind a closed door each night, to contemplate what im going to do about this shit life ive curated for myself. im so tired, im so fucking tired all of the time. i dont know how to keep going. i dont know how to do anything for that matter. im not even going to revise this shit post, im too tired, i just need to announce somewhere, somehow, that im so fucking lost that i dont even know if my thoughts are my own, or what it means to be a person. everyday with this bullshit, now im getting into existential dread territory, im just so sick of my own shit! im sick of myself. why cant i function like everyone else???

i want it to be over, i wish my problems could just be solved without any external help. i just want to wake up tomorrow and for everything to just be okay. i want to feel okay again. i dont need anything fancy, please let me wake up tomorrow with hope of brighter days. its so hard to see the beauty in my life when im being suffocated and pinned down by something invisible. i dont have the capacity to love or care for anyone or anything, and no one can see that i just need a break?? how can you not see me? no one can see, ill show them and they still wont see! they refuse, simply because, they cannot see inside my head and dont care enough to want to. they think they do. i tried to tell them time and time again but i think its just that when i am feeling okay, they dont like the choices i make. when im okay, i make sure i make the most of that time by prioritizing my own happiness over everyone elses, and that really pisses people off! to the point where they want to tear me down and take that light away from me. i didnt ask to be here, now, with all this pressure on my shoulders to be more than what i am. im simply existing. i can feel it. tomorrows gonna be so shit. i can always sense the storm before it comes, i wish i could prevent it, or ease my pain in some way. these substances are nice in the moment but eventually the buzz will wear off and ill just be me again, with nothing to offer. i dont have anything to offer. life is too hard, i gave up so long ago and didnt even realize that is what was happening at the time. i just go through it day by day without fully processing that ill have to wake up the next day. i wish my life was a dream i could wake up from. my brain isnt working right. i dont recognize myself. i hate how alone we all are. every sensation, thought, visual, sound, and taste. you are completely isolated from everyone around you.

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dragonboots · 11 months

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Hello again, Hellsite.

Admittedly, i found this helpful before. Theres a different feeling, sharing my thoughts online knowing that there is even the slightest chance someone might read them, to the feeling of writing in a notes app and then forgetting it all completely. Part of me thinks i should be scared of the idea that anyone could find these little scribbles of my mind, but im oddly thrilled when i think that maybe someone could find this and feel just the same, and in turn see that they arent alone.

Today is a weird one. It feels like so many things are so very wrong that my mouth is sealed shut because it wouldnt know how to even start explaining everything. I find i feel like this alot.

Alot of the time, also, i might see posts similair to this and my brain always tends to conjure this image of someone lonely, whos problems are all in their head where they cannot escape. But thats never really it is it? Personally, id like to think i know a decent amount of people, quite a few i like and quite a few i despise. But its those people that make my problems feel like a drowning weight, because i feel i am trapped between them. Because i am not the one in control, i am the furthest possible from that. And i know that has always been one of the scariest fucking things for me.

Moreover, im in the middle of an oxymoron wrapped in a paradox. First of all im never middling. Im always high energy, blissfully ignorant, or low energy which comes with drowsy carelessness or tired yet violent anger. Second of all, i have been scared of a change all my life. This is an obvious fact to any and all who know me (often because i tell them, because i have a bad habit of oversharing occasionally. Im getting better at reigning that in.). However, recently a fear of all change in and of itself has evolved into a want for change, but only small changes that i can control. I feel as if my world would crumble if it shifted, but the constant weight its currently under is no better. Better the devil you know, i suppose, but that devil has me bored, and scared of a future it tells me is ahead yet i never feel approaching.

I dont intend to sound like a writer or poet with some of the fancy shit ive typed here. I intend to think, to write, and to try and put my thoughts into words as best i can, despite how much it feels like trying to catch a cloud. While writing this i realised just why it helps me so much to put this down (ive typed the word write so much it looks and sounds wrong now). I think it makes it easier to when you know someone might see it, or when it feels like im talking to someone rather than just jotting down rambling thoughts, because it forces me to think about how to properly structure my sentence, how to make it make a little more sense, but still keep the irrationality of my own human thoughts.

All this just to say, ive felt a little in pain, and a little like ive been sinking all day. This has lifted a weight of me, and if someone sees it i recommend you write too, if thats what youre into. Just get your thoughts out. Its a basic lesson weve all heard repeated a million times, but we never really remember. Dont keep the scary crap inside. As awful as it sounds, it helps to think someone out there might be scared with you.

#vent #hello hellsite #i think too many thoughts #not feeling good #just like yesterday #but i hope thats okay

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literaila · 4 years

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the truth is weightless

spencer reid x reader

part two to “four i love you’s, one goodbye”

you should probably read that first its important.

okay so i was looking through and editing and like an idiot i deleted the post. because i’m an idiot, so if you’ve already seen this... thats why i’m so so sorry... luckily enough i save all of my writing... and tried to remember as much as i could about the rest...

this was requested but theres spoilers so i’m not showing it mwahahahaha

warning: mentions of death, angst, my writing, and lots of crying, blood? i think? maybe?

The shock was palpable.

It lived in Spencer's brain, circling his head for hours a day, a constant nightmare he couldn't wake up from.

He refused to go to her funeral.

He refused to leave his house.

The pain was unbearable.

He spent every day, every day, alone in his small apartment, with all of her things. He lived surrounded by the memory of his best friend, his best friend who he was too late to save, his best friend who loved him with all her heart, his best friend who had died in his arms, died never knowing just how much Spencer loved her.

He couldn't even say the words aloud.

He lived in a constant regret, which swallowed him whole forcing him to live in its dark cave, to live in the bottomless pit, where he couldn't see anything, he was forced into regret with its cold aroma and dark secrets. He lived there, stuck with no way out.

He lived in the cave with the knowledge that he couldn't even admit the truth, the truth that he had so stupidly kept a secret, the truth which he worried might have saved his best friend. He fell deeper and deeper into despair, deeper and deeper down, with regret filling his body whole.

He still couldn't admit it.

He spent each day in his bed, each day surrounded by the boxes his friends had brought from her apartment, brought because he was the closest to her, brought because he was the one that was supposed to go through them and decide what was worth keeping. He spent his days surrounded by all of the things that she wrapped herself in, all the things she had put her heart into and bought, and he didn't even bother looking at them, nonetheless getting rid of what he- what she would never need again.

The others tried to coax him out. Tried to make him understand how worried they were, tried to get him to just get out of bed for one day, to just go outside, to just feel the light on his skin and the air in his lungs.

“Hey Pretty Boy, you know I’m here for you.”

“Come on Genius, we all miss you.”

“Spence, it's going to get better.”

“Reid. I know.”

“Kid, we’ve got a home waiting for you.”

Nothing worked.

The one voice he wanted to hear wouldn't come to the door.

Sometimes, he was almost sure he was forgetting about her, he almost couldn't feel her with him, couldn't hear her voice in his head, couldn't remember the way she looked when she smiled at him, he was almost sure she was disappearing out of thin air.

He knew he couldn't just forget her, knew that the memories of her would never actually go away, but some days, on the days when he needed her words to remind him, on those days he could never remember anything about her. On those days he cried because he didn't want her to leave. He didn't want her to be gone.

On those days it was harder to think about anything.

He refused to go to the funeral.

Her life was worth more than a million parties.

Her life was worth more than some tears, and a couple of speeches.

Her life was worth the world.

So he didn't go. No matter how much anyone begged him to. He never answered the door, never answered the pleas coming out of desperate voices, never answered the angry remarks, never thought about anything except the way he wished he could hear her laugh one more time, just once more.

There was no relief from any of it.

There was no ending to the pain in his heart, that sometimes he worried was killing him, there was no ending the regret that lived deep within his brain, that kept him locked inside of himself with no escape. There was no ending to the memories of her that liked to remind him of how much he had lost, that liked to rewind in his brain, that liked to be played over and over again.

The only ending was hers.

He wondered if she had been in this much pain when she died, he wondered if in some way they were connected by the things that hurt them the most. He wondered if that would be the last connection they ever had.

The consistent pain.

He tried not to remember the look on her face, the words on her lips, the way her chest contracted in pain as she laid there next to him. He tried to not remember her last moments, the only moments she had left, he tried not to remember how helpless she looked, and he tried not to think about the smile she gave him, the smile she always gave him, as a last reminder that she was still alive.

He didn't want to remember any of that.

He didn't want to get out of bed, or take a shower, or eat something, because what was it worth if there wasn't her voice on the other side of the door. What was it worth to even try if the one thing he wanted he would never get.

He still couldn't admit it out loud.

It was until the wellness check, the check that had been forced upon him and his home, it wasn't until then he decided to leave.

His friends, his family, they had forced him out.

Forced him away from the constant pit of loneliness and sorrow he lived in, the pit that he refused to leave no matter how much they tried to push him out of it.

It wasn't until Hotch reminded him, reminded him of what she would think

“She wouldn't want you to live like this Spencer, think about what she would do if she knew what you were doing to yourself.”

It wasn't until he remembered her stubbornness, and her temper, and her undeniable love for him, it wasn't until then he decided to get out of bed.

The rest of the team made themselves busy with cleaning his apartment, with moving the boxes somewhere Spencer wouldn't trip over them, with cleaning his kitchen and washing his clothes.

Spencer didn't have the energy to say thank you.

He sat on the couch and watched his friends take care of him, he stayed silent and tried just to power through the wave of exhaustion that ran through him.

He already wanted to be back in bed.

Staring at his friends, his friends who seemed perfectly fine, his friends who were not weighted down by the emotions they were feeling, staring at his friends who had to take care of him, who could take care of him because they were just fine, staring at them only made him feel pathetic.

It was Derek who stopped to sit with him, it was Derek who saw the dwindling light fading from his eyes, it was Derek who saw his friend starting to fall apart even more just when they all thought they might be able to put him back together.

It was Derek who sat next to him.

‘Hey Kid,' he said, as he sat down on Spencer's small couch.

Spencer didn't react to his voice.

“Spencer.” Derek tried again, this time his voice more firm.

Spencer looked over at him. His eyes looked dull, his cheeks drooped into his skin, his shirt was practically falling off his shoulders. He looked like he hadn't been alive in weeks.

“Kid it's going to be alright.”

Spencer blinked. Just blinked at his friend, just blinked, and thought about how he wanted to go back to bed.

“Spencer I promise. I promise it'll get better.”

Spencer only looked away, but this time, this time Derek saw something different. He saw a crack in the hard stone that made up Spencer, he saw the change in his eyes, the slight flinch in his face.

He tried again.

“Talk to me, Reid.”

It felt like the first time anyone had said anything to him, it felt like the first time he had heard words from anyone but the voices in his head for weeks, it felt like he was finally going to be done, that he was finally allowed to be done.

He looked over at Derek with tears in his eyes. His mouth was quivering, his hands were shaking.

He didn't want to say it, didn't want to admit the truth out loud, out loud where everyone could hear, he didn't want to admit how wrong he had been, he didn't want to say it just didn't want to say it.

He tried to hold it in, tried to keep himself up.

He tried so so hard.

He failed.

“I loved her so much,” he said brokenly, falling apart, all the pieces he had tried to keep together falling on the floor and into the ground, and deep somewhere inside him something broke.

He sobbed.

Derek pulled him in, pulled him closer so he could hug him, so he could remind Spencer that they were still there, that they weren't going anywhere no matter how broken Spencer felt. They would always be there for him.

“I know,” he whispered as Spencer sobbed.

As he sobbed into his shoulder, as he sobbed for his friend, for the girl he had always looked up to, for the person he had never gotten to tell how much he loved her.

He sobbed in the loss of the only person he had ever denied his love too.

He wished he hadn't admitted it.

***

Eventually, he had to get back to work.

The team was splitting up, and they needed as much help as possible.

Spencer had to drag himself out of bed.

Before leaving Hotch had said to take as much time as he needed, that he understood how hard it might be to come back, that he respected whatever decision Spencer made.

But it wasn't enough.

He had to go back, if not for himself, for her, for the people she would want him to save.

He had to do it.

So he worked, and he worked, and he avoided every memory and every ache of his heart. He ignored the constant reminders of her in his brain, and he pretended her picture on the wall of fallen agents, he pretended that picture didn't exist.

He didn't want to think about how she shouldn't have been up there at all.

He put all of his energy into working, into saving all the people he could because he knew that was what she would want, he knew that she would never ever want him to give up on something he had devoted her life to. He knew that if he kept working, if he just kept working, eventually, eventually the pain would fade.

It had for her at least.

He worked on cases, but he also worked on Ian Doyle.

The man had killed two of his friends, two of the most important people he had ever known, and as long as he kept it a secret, he would be fine.

He and Derek kept it as underground as possible, only involving Garcia when necessary.

He became obsessed with working on it.

His mind was constantly running over the different places Doyle might be, was constantly thinking about everything he knew about him, was constantly looking for new ways to find him. He couldn't get the man out of his head.

He pretended he wasn't thinking about the way he had killed her.

He pretended he wasn't thinking about her at all.

He pretended he didn't notice the looks JJ gave him when he was lost in thought when he was simply too tired to say anything, he pretended he didn't notice the way Penelope doted on him, the extra way she made sure he knew she was around. He pretended Derek didn't give him hard looks when he got too invested in a lead he had on Doyle.

He pretended that stupid picture wasn't hanging up where he walked past every day.

He pretended it all wasn't happening.

And he still lived in his constant cave, the only safe place he was familiar with, he lived deep in the dark where no one could see him, where no one could see the pain that was eating at his body, that was biting him to pieces when he didn't have anything other to think about than her. He lived in the darkest, coldest moments he could think of, and he didn't want to leave.

He had become so familiar, so used to the feeling of nothing, to the feeling of pain turning him to pieces, he thought that if it stopped if he felt better for even the littlest moment if it stopped than he would forget her.

He would forget all of the pain she was worth.

He was afraid he wouldn't remember how much she meant to him.

So he never got out, never left the open cave, never searched for the entrance, the little bit of light he thought he saw sometimes in the moments where he finally felt like laughing, he pretended that entrance didn't exist.

He was so cold.

It was like that for months. Just him, and the cave, and the people that kept trying to call out to him, and the voices he ignored.

And the memory of the person he hadn't been brave enough to talk to.

It was like that for months. Until, until there was a sign.

Until there was a picture of Doyle, the slightest glance of him until they finally knew where he was.

Spencer felt frozen staring at the man. Staring at the cause of the pain he felt tearing him apart.

Derek had to take care of it from there.

Spencer was sent to take care of Doyle’s son, and he wasn't sure if it was because Rossi needed his help, or if everyone was too worried, too scared of what he would do if he saw Doyle.

He wondered that himself.

He tried to breathe, to remind himself that it was almost over, that he had almost gotten the justice she deserved, the justice both of his friends deserved.

He sat back, he tried his very best to keep the straight head, to help out in any way he could, to remember everything he knew, to remember all the things that could help them, that could save a little boy.

He tried his very best to not fall apart at the thought of her, at the thought of her death, at the thought of the man that had caused her death, he tried to keep himself together, for her, her, for her.

Her.

He felt almost useless.

But his family was coming back, all of his family was going to be there, they were all looking for the same thing now, there was no more keeping secrets, or doing all the work with just Derek, now he had all of them.

When Hotch came back there was a moment of joy in his heart, just a moment of him feeling relieved that his boss was there, it was only a moment. The tiniest moment imaginable. But he felt terrible.

She died, she died because of him, she died because he wasn't fast enough, she died and he wasn't allowed to forget that.

He was really trying to not forget that.

He shouldn't be allowed to move out of his darkness, to leave the cave that surrounded him, she wasn't allowed to come back, and he shouldn't have been allowed to leave, he should have to feel the pain for the both of them.

Glue all the pieces together, for her.

Just figure it all out for her.

Avenge her.

Then, after that, feel the pain.

Back in the cave.

He just had to remember.

***

They all sat around the conference table. Hotch had told them he had important information, he had something that he had to tell all of them.

Spencer wondered when it would be over.

He wondered when he would finally be allowed to go back home, to go back and be alone, he wondered when he could finally turn his mind off, could finally stop remembering everything, could finally just go to sleep. He wondered when it was finally going to be done.

He hoped it would be soon.

He was exhausted.

But Hotch had something to tell them, he had something that Spencer needed to hear.

Spencer needed to be awake for that, he needed to listen as much as he could.

His body was sinking under him, practically shriveling away because of the sleep deprivation, and the malnutrition, and the pain the pain

He kept his eyes on Hotch.

“Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team…As you all know Emily and Y/N had lost a lot of blood after their fights with Doyle... But the Doctors were able to stabilize them.”

Spencer felt lost, felt his mind running over the memory of JJ telling them they hadn't made it, felt himself remembering the sound of his heart breaking, the feeling of all his blood rushing to his brain. He didn't understand, they were not stable, the doctors had not been able to save them.

His mind was connecting dots, and running over everything, and he refused.

He refused to believe he was right.

“Their identities were strictly ‘need to know’… And they stayed there until both of them were well enough to travel, they were reassigned to Paris together where they were both given several identities none of which we had access to, for their security”

No.

No, they died. Spencer remembered. He remembered.

He shook his head.

That was a lie, it was all a lie because they had both died, because she had stopped breathing in his arms, because she had said goodbye to him, because she had left, because he had locked himself away, because she was gone, because she was gone, she was gone she was gone

She was gone.

She wasn't walking through the doors, she wasn't there, she wasn't really in the room, this had to be a joke, had to be a dream had to be something that was meant to hurt Spencer, because it was working it was really working because the pain was there because he was being torn apart because this wasn't real this wasn't real

“Hi,” she said.

And it wasn't real, and it couldn’t have been real, Spencer was just hearing things, he was just stressed, just wrapped up in everything because she wasn't really there she wasn't really there she wasn't she wasn't.

He was still shaking his head.

And his eyes were stinging, and he felt like she was laughing at him, he felt like they were all laughing at him because this was a joke because this wasn't real because this wasn't happening.

“No.” He said, he said, so quick, and so insistently.

He had to be making this up because he wanted to see her because they wouldn't have lied because she wouldn't have left without telling him because this wasn't happening.

He walked past her, past all of them, past the girl who had been mourning for months, past the girl he was imagining.

He pretended he didn't feel the way his shoulder brushed against hers.

***

He was supposed to go to Hotch with any issues. He was supposed to blame him because he had called the order because she was alive she was alive she was still breathing.

He was supposed to go to Hotch with any problem he had.

She was alive.

Shock was keeping him a hostage everywhere he went.

She had tried to talk to him, had tried to explain to him, had tried to smile at him, to smile at him with the smile he thought he would never ever see again, with the smile he imagined so many times, for so many months.

He didn't even look at her.

He couldn't look at the person he thought he would never see again.

Shock was holding him back, keeping him from accepting the truth, keeping him from saying anything to anyone.

She was alive.

It wasn't real.

He was going to wake up, wake up anytime, and she was going to be gone, and the pain the pain he felt the pain he had forced himself to feel for months, he would go back to that, he was going to wake up and it would all go back to normal.

He thought that the pain from before, the heart breaking pain of never seeing her again, he thought that that pain was much better than the one he was feeling now, at least he had a reason for that pain, at least with that pain he didn't have to live with the overwhelming shock.

Doyle had been caught, the man that Spencer had tried his hardest to find- for her it was all for her -and that came with repercussions of its own.

The team was forced to go under trial, was forced to recount everything that happened, was forced to prove to the judge that they were worth keeping their jobs.

Spencer still wasn't talking to her, even when she tried to go up to him, even when she called him with the new phone he had gotten, even when the team pulled him away from work and took him out, even then he refused to talk to her.

He was so terrified.

He wanted it all to be real, wanted it all to be real, didn't want to have to wake up to the dream he was living.

He still wasn't sure if it was real at all.

It took weeks, weeks of putting her things back together, weeks of trying to get back to work, weeks of getting everything ready so she could get back to her life, weeks of overwhelming changes that came with being gone for half a year.

It took weeks for her to get Spencer alone.

She knew he didn't want to talk to her, she couldn't tell if it was because he was angry, angry that they lied, or if it was because he didn't want to talk to her, didn't want to learn about the persons she had become in the months they had been apart.

She didn't care.

She loved him, she still loved him so much, so much that he’d been the only reason she got better, the only reason she had stayed away from him for so long. Her love hadn't faded, hadn't removed itself from every inch of her body even a little bit, and he had to know.

He had to know how sorry she was.

It took weeks to get the chance to talk to him.

It was a celebratory party, one celebrating Emily and her, one celebrating the jobs that they were allowed to keep. It was a celebration.

And Spencer still felt dead on his feet, still felt like he wasn't allowed to talk, wasn't allowed to look at her.

He could barely stand to feel her body heat, to feel her presence from across the room.

So he found a balcony, one that was big enough for him to not feel as claustrophobic, one that looked up at the stars.

That's where she found him.

She just watched him for a moment, she appreciated the peaceful look on his face, the look she hadn't seen on him in months, she appreciated him just standing there. When he was standing there he reminded her a little bit more of the friend she had left behind.

She stared for a couple of minutes.

And then Spencer started to feel it.

He felt the change in the air, the shift in the mood, he felt the body language coming from her almost ten feet away, and he could practically smell the perfume he hoped she still used.

He turned around.

And he looked at her.

Accidentally.

And he felt his heart being torn apart.

She looked beautiful, she was smiling a soft smile, her eyes were alive and bright, her skin was glowing and Spencer could feel the warmth reflecting off of her onto him.

It was the first time he had looked at her since he’d found out.

And she was beautiful.

He felt his heart shattering into pieces at the realization of just how much he had missed her, at just how much his heart had longed for her to come back, at the feeling of the empty space she’d left behind being filled.

He had no idea how to deal with the feeling.

He was so overwhelmed.

“Hey, Spence.”

And he felt himself sob at the sound of her voice.

At the words, he had imagined her saying so many times, at the gentle vibration, at the gentle tone she always used with him, at the sound of the voice he had longed for, the voice he had kept hidden in his head for so long.

She was alive.

“Oh, Spencer.” She said as she walked over to him, as she grabbed his arm as she touched him for the first time in months.

He sobbed harder at her touch.

And he desperately grabbed onto her.

He desperately held her.

He relaxed in the feel of her arms around him, in the feel of her gentle curves, at the feeling of her just being there.

She was just there.

He held on to her tighter.

He was so afraid she was going to leave, that she was going to disappear out of thin air, that she was going to be gone, that she was going to leave just like she had before.

“Please don't leave.” he choked out, his voice breaking, his eyes terrified, his body falling to pieces in her hands, in the hands of the person he had missed for so long.

Tears fell from her eyes at his words.

“I’m not going to Spence. I’m not leaving you again,” she assured him, she said completely sure that it was the truth.

“Y/N” he sobbed again, his body shaking as he held her, as he said her name, as he said the one word he hadn't muttered in months.

She was actually there.

Y/N breathed him in, she held onto him, she tried to search for the words that would convince him, that would tell him that she was never going to leave, that she would never leave him again, that she couldn't stand to be apart from him.

They stood there, together, just together, for the first time in so long, they stood there and they held each other, held the pieces together.

She was alive.

Spencer tried to breathe, he tried to control himself, he pulled back so he could look at her again, so he could memorize everything about her, all the things he was worried he would forget, he looked at her and felt the air finally make it to his lungs as a sweet relief, he felt his entire body-calming, his darkness moving out of the way at just the sight of her face again.

“Y/N.” he said again, his voice less desperate, but his tone more final.

He was trying to convince himself of the truth again.

“Spencer,” she said back, she said quietly. And she smiled at him.

And he couldn't help but smile back, he couldn't help but appreciate the truth at that moment, he couldn't help but feel the cool relief rush through his burning body, rush through all of the things he was trying to keep calm.

“I love you,” she said.

And Spencer felt amazed.

It wasn't a goodbye, it wasn't like last time, she wasn't desperate, or scared, or in pain, she was right there in front of him, admitting the words, admitting the truth that he hadn't been brave enough to say, she was right in front of him and she was telling him she loved him, and she was alive she was alive and-

He loved her. He loved her so much, he loved her more than he loved anything else, he missed her more than anything, and he wasn't going to let her go. He wasn't going to ever let her go.

No, she wasn't saying goodbye this time.

She was,

“I love you.” he choked out, his words blocked by the bliss in his chest, the exhilaration in his body, his words hidden behind the tears he was letting run down his cheeks.

This wasn't a goodbye.

“I love you.”

It was

Hello.

my masterlist here

do you get it? goodbye? hello? dsfshds look at me connecting the dots i’m so funny thank you so much for reading

taglist: @fiftyshadesof-reid @gublerspublers @naomiiiiiiiiiii04 @jamesdeerest

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #mgg #mgg x reader #mgg blurb #emily prentiss x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds rp #criminal minds headcanons

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psychewithwings · 3 years

Text

Pregnant s/o hcs: Mirio, Bakugo, Todoroki, Midoriya, Iida, Tamaki

SFW, just super fluffy

Mirio:

If you don’t think this man is tearing up when you tell him... uhhh you’d be wrong

He is crying over you and so happy, will kneel and just kiss your tummy

And when you’re in bed that night going to sleep, every few minutes he will nuzzle in closer and whisper, “hey guess what? We’re gonna have a baby”

Anytime he says he loves you now he says it to your tummy too

“I love you Y/n, I love that you are mine and I love that you’re going to be the mother of my child” *bends down* “And I love you too baby”

He will have a really hard time waiting until the second trimester to tell anyone but once he is able, everyone will know, and he’s going to have a party in your honor.

He will treat you like a queen, back rubs and foot rubs...

I feel like when you first tell him you’re pregnant he will come home a few days later with a box... when you open it, it’s a maternity dress, and its actually really pretty, with lace and silk, and nice and stretchy...

“I know you don’t need it now, but I saw it when I was out and thought it would look perfect on you...”

He will compliment you every second of every day, will trace your stretch marks and tell you they make you beautiful because it’s all part of you becoming a mother, it’s a natural tattoo, a reminder of how you’re growing a life inside you

He will want to throw a gender reveal party

And no, it can’t be as simple as balloons popping out of a box, he’s gotta have something extravagant to celebrate like fireworks, monster trucks, or a paid actor dressed as a baby

You’re having his baby! This is a pinnacle moment in his life and he is not about to have some basic ass party

Mirio is definitely the kind of guy who thinks you can’t have sex because it could hurt the baby, you will have to make a very embarrassing call to your doctor about that...

He is looking forward to owning dad sandals (who are we kidding he prolly already does)

Bakugo:

This man will shit himself, make sure he is sitting down

“Bakugo... I’m pregnant”

“Hah?”

“I’m having a baby! You’re gonna be a dad”

He’s really happy and excited, he has no doubt you’ll be an amazing mom but he’s kinda worried about him being a dad...

Am I fit to raise a kid? Will I be a good dad?

He will probably start working more and almost go on over drive... He will start coming home later, picking up earlier shifts... And when you ask him, “Katsuki, are you not happy about the baby?” He will kinda break down and tell you “No of course I’m fucking happy about the baby, I just want the world to be safe for our kid... and I only have 8 months till then and-” He drops to his knees in front of you and he’s tearing up. You’ll get onto your knees too and just hug him, “Katsuki, you can’t fix the world before we have our baby,” you’ll look at him lovingly as he realizes how absurd he was being. “But we can prepare to be the best parents we can be...” “Prepare? We’re already gonna be the best parents.”

Okay, Bakugo hypes up the baby too, like...

“Katsuki, come here! The baby is kicking!” *he puts his hand on your tummy* “Baby’s so strong, just like us,” *grabs you and kisses you* “I knew we made a fucking perfect kid”

He will try kill anyone who oversteps the boundary with the bump (like touching the bump without asking)

“OI EXTRA, you wanna take your fucking hands off my woman and my kid or do I have to do that for you...”

Bakugo would be very unnecessarily competitive in birthing class

Will wake you up in the middle of the night at least once, he’s just laying on his back staring wide eyed at the ceiling... “What if I explode the baby?”

You’ll roll over and look at him annoyed, “you won't explode the baby,”

He will settle again once you give him cuddles

You cannot tell me that he would not be your biggest cheerleader when you’re actually giving birth, “PUSH, FUCKING PUSH DUMB ASS!”

Todoroki:

This man freaks out for a sec... cuz daddy issues. But he has a strong resolve so he will come out of it quickly and decide how to

“Shoto, you aren’t anything like Endeavor, you’re going to be an amazing dad”

He will be extremely happy, but his excitement will be softer

Everyday after you tell him he says you’re glowing

He will want to cook you special things because it’s healthy for the baby, or so his mother told him

Speaking of his mother, she taught him how to knit when he went to visit her in the hospital so you’ll find him knitting little hats and bootie and jackets for the baby

He will nest just as much, if not more than you do

You’ll find him awake at 3AM trying to put together some bullshit ikea thing for the baby with the tiny allen wrench they give you for free. “Shoto, come back to bed... we can do that in the morning” “But the baby needs somewhere to sleep,” “Yes, and I’m not due for another two months”

Shoto is already so soft but I think he would be softer

Like when you fall asleep on the couch, he gets home and just cuddles up to you and asks your bump how it’s day was. He will talk to the bump until you wake up and then he just pepper your face with kisses.

He is the only one of all these men who doesn’t shit himself and die when watching the birthing tape. I think he would be calm and say something like “a woman’s body is made to carry and deliver a child, there’s nothing to be frightened of.”

Midoriya:

When you tell him, he’s gonna cry

He will want to call his mom right away

Midoriya is the kinda guy to have a box of his things from when he was a kid stored away to give to his child (it’s all All Might merch but, ya know)

He definitely panics and worries if he is going to be a good father but he takes all that anxiety and just turns it into energy to care for you with

He is already signing you up for birthing classes

This man would take you to all your doctors visits, acupuncture appointments, prenatal massages, and even a strange healing session done in the back room of a health good shop (don’t worry, he checked google reviews, 346 people, and 5 stars) (You weren't sure about it at first, but you felt very at peace afterwards, def worth the 5 star review)

He just really wants you to be happy and healthy

It would be understatement to say he treats you like a queen... he treats you like a goddess, and he tells you everyday how grateful he is that you’re his love and giving him a baby. Especially when you feel insecure about how your body is changing

He will want to make the nursery Hero themed... with an All Might wall decal... you’ll eventually opt for something a little less... exuberant like jungle animals or something. But the compromise is the All Might mobil that spins and says “I am here” while playing twinkle twinkle little star.

He will read to the bump, and sing to it because he wants the baby to know his voice

Will make a ‘goodnight’ song with you for the baby to sing to it every night

Tenya:

Tenya is so excited and immediately starts thinking of things he needs to do for you and baby

The day after he will come home with a bag from the store full of prenatal vitamins and herbal teas that are safe to drink

“My love! I have brought you Evening Primrose supplements, it’s supposed to help with your delivery.”

I think he has name ideas picked out already and is very excited to show them to you. They are all related to the Iida family.

He would ask his brother for advice and would be so excited to tell him when it’s time.

Don’t even worry about pregnancy brain. Iida’s got you, he will help you remember everything you need to know and he will be patient with your cloudy thoughts.

Iida is so matter of fact tho, I can see it coming off as insensitive, especially when you’re dealing with mood swings.

“Darling, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you it’s just that those chips make your stomach hurt and I was only trying to-” “YOU JUST DONT WANT ME TO BE HAPPYYYY!!!!!!” “My darling, I want all the happiness in the world for you, you are the mother of my child, I- please don’t cry”

He really loves you a lot and he will learn to be a little gentler with you during this phase of the pregnancy

Braxton hicks contractions (the little fake contractions you get during the third trimester, closer to the due date) will send him into panic mode.

But he is also so organized that he is R E A D Y

You clutch your stomach and inhale sharply and sit down, he’s already running to get the hospital bag and getting the keys for the car.

(The hospital bag includes, diapers, baby clothes, blankets, stress balls for you to squeeze during contractions and a birth mix which includes mostly Baroque composers but theres a few taylor swift and harry styles songs because he thinks it would be cool if the baby was born to Adore You, because Iida adores you and that baby so much)

Tamaki:

He is terrified

But ultimately knowing that he has a child on the way actually does wonders for his confidence because he wants his child to have a good example and he doesn’t want the child to inherit his crippling shyness

He really is there for you and much like Shoto, shows it in a soft way

Tamaki is so food oriented already that he is especially considerate of your cravings and would probably try them, no matter how weird they are

Pregnancy makes you super hungry but thats okay because Tamaki is a brilliant cook

Tamaki is also very sensitive to the knowledge that it will change after the baby is born and that he has you all to himself for just a little while longer

He is going to take you on special weekend trips, like a sleepy beach town to just relax and eat good food

He will also take you on extra dates because he just wants to soak up your time together as a couple

He is very aware of how much work you’re doing constantly to carry his child and he will want to spoil you

“Y-you’re just so beautiful, a-and you chose me, and now you’re carrying my child...I just... I love you so much and thank you for letting me be yours b-because you make me so happy.”

He will freak out when he sees the birthing tape

“I-I am so sorry, I can’t believe I’ve put you through this... you’re- you- This is all my fault...” *panic panic panic*

But when you’re actually in labour he is very supportive, he will just apologize while you’re screaming in agony and wish there was something else he could do other than bring you ice chips...

#bnha #mha #mha hcs #bnha hcs #tamaki #iida #deku #midoriya #izuku #katsuki #bakugo #todoroki #mirio #shoto #amajiki #togota

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syubub · 3 years

Text

ENERGY CHECKUP: YOONGI (again)

Now, I know I've already done an energy check up on yoon but I wanted to see how he was doing now that he's gotten his shoulder surgery!

Disclaimer time: tarot is not to be takes as fact and is my interpretation if the cards :) entertainment purposes only~

SHIT IS STRANGE (it is Yoongi though so I'm not too shocked)

So. For starters, his energy is pretty calm and chill. He's also a bit more quiet?

I wrote a note that tomorrow is exciting... idk I wrote it down and I'm not sure if its exciting for him or for us? Maybe its just a general like, "tomorrow is a good day" type thing.

Now. 11... I wrote this down and I'm not sure why though I believe that he might be seeing 11:11 on the clock or possibly that something exciting is happening for him at 11:11 (I just checked and thats in like an hour and a half from when I'm writing this down(( update i just finished writing the whole post and it is about 11 minutes away)) idk. I make no promises but I wrote it down so there you go.

I also kept seeing plants and I'm not sure if people got him flowers or plants as a "get well" type thing or maybe he's stressing bc someone has to water his plants lol

Okay. Okay. Hear me out. Black bean noodles. It popped into my head and I was told to write it down but I'm also really hungry so take that with a grain of fucking salt. (I even pictured a nice elaborate bowl that was red as well as the take out container. Yum. Send me noodles)

MOVING ON

Here's the actual reading lol. He is bored.

Thats all. Thank you for coming.

I joke. The cards give me a kind of frazzled feeling? Its the struggle of knowing hes done something good but it comes at a cost. Yoongi works. A lot. All the goddamn time. So what now? He's having this shake up thats forcing him to deal with stuff. Him having this surgery also may have brought back some less than favorable memories/ feelings that hes being forced to deal with now. Over all though he feels like its good. The 6 of wands makes me think that he's thinking of our response when he comes back. Its like he's gonna be so much more confident in himself and his dancing and he can finally move on from the car accident? It happed so long ago but he literally carried this burden with him. Its good. The wheel of fortune and is about a change and the 8 of swords is about self imposed restriction, imprisonment and over all bad/ negative feelings. I pulled the wheel of fortune first and asked what was changing and that was the 8 of swords. This surgery is helping to free him from this restricting, painful thing that may have been reminding him of the past! YES HEALING

Now. For this section I just kinda asked "whats up?" And got, easy does it, divine life purpose l, balancing masculine and feminine energies and uplift your thoughts. He may be resting but he's got his mind working on 3,000 my dude. Its the regular "yoongi is woke af" bullshit but damn. The cards say what they say. He's preparing. I'll come back to this.

Now the 7 of cups and the 3 of swords. I asked how he felt about missing out on promoting. He's heart broken with the 3 of swords. It genuinely pains him. And with the 7 of cups he might feel like there's a lot of ways this can play out and he's considered a lot of options.

I was curious how he felt about me coming into his energy so I asked him what he thought of me. Lol. These each came out separately. We got, 2 of cups, four of wands, the empress, justice, the magician, the sun and the lovers. Ha

So. To add to the mood setting my guide said "he's a drama queen" lol yeah he is.

So so so so so. I was confused? Still am a little confused but I'm like 80.9% sure that he isn't bothered by me poking around in his energy n shit. In fact my theory is that he's using this connection to his advantage? Lol sounds dumb but my best guess is that home boy sees my energy/ what I'm doing as a way to figure out his own shit? Idk maybe he thinks I'm his energetic therapist. Maybe even a matchmaker (I mean... I have been putting a lot of energy and work into finding/ connecting with his soulmate so maybe he's letting me do all the dirty work) I really don't understand but I got no further explanation.

Oki oki oki. Now. I was drawn to 2 books. The kybalion and the prophet. I asked yoon if there was any messages that we wanted to point out through the books and I got a number for each book so I took it as page numbers. 28 for the prophet and 54 for the kybalion

Take what you will from these if it calls to you. I haven't read these since I was around 13? The sentiments for each felt important to me so I'm curious what you all might think/ feel when reading these? ( I also get the feeling that Yoongi has read the prophet idk why)

Okay. At this point I was like cool, let's wrap this up but I need to talk about his pjs? Green/grey? Plaid pj bottoms don't ask me don't ask me don't ask me I don't know but It wouldn't go away so I had write it down? Help.

I had written yoongis brother down too. Theres something about him? I'm not sure what but thats all I got lol

I was very strongly told that I needed to remember 7, that its important. Got it. Worth it down.

Oki. As I was going back to the platform blah blah blah the string turned blue too. The cord is usually white or silver but it was blue so that was a fun thing and then I was like "nice. Cool. Thanks. This was awesome, get healthy blah blah" and go to leave/ end the connection but the cord wouldn't go away.

???

What.

Then the string (idk if I said but that string shit is like on the third eye? Its connected to my forehead and his too.) Kind tightens.

I'm like, "oh shit."

Listen. Usually everything is smooth and nice and I just leave.

All is well though bc my guide is like, "stop being a little bitch" so I just let it happen.

Yoon shoves me back off the edge of the platform. Why he gotta be like that?

Now. This is strange. I had dropped down into a library.

Y'ALL

I almost shit my fucking pants. Dear god.

THE AKASHIC RECORDS MY DUDE

He started walking me around until he found a blue book. His mother fucking book.

Home boy brought me to his fucking Akashic fucking blue fucking book.

I was big mad. "YOU LITTLE FUCKER! YOUVE KNOWN ABIUT THIS SHIT?" And he was like, "duh"

I've never felt more disrespect lol

Also the way the library was presented was way way way different from how it looks to me. So thats an interesting note. Looking at his book, on the base of the spine is a number 7...

Oki. Cool. I asked if I could look and he said, "Sure, when you can find your way back."

This mother fucker threw me out of a meditative state. Have you ever woken up just before you hit the ground in one of those falling dreams? THAT WAS THE FEELING.

?? I'm not sure what the fuck just happened or if it holds actual significance.

Anyway. After cursing the fuck out of yoobi I started thinking what else 7 ment.

I was specifically told to remember 7 and it was on his book. Then It popped into my head (I want to say its because I'm smart and thought of it all by myself but I think that was my guide wanting me to keep my last brain cell safe). What is yoongis life path number?

Now I don't know shot about life path numbers but imma read up on them tonight. I used a life path calculator on Google. HIS LIFE PATH NUMBER IS 7 Y'ALL.

Maybe I'm dumb as fuck but yoobi never disappoints.

Conclusion: Yoon is fine. Hes just being a yoongi and a yoongi does.

⬆️Me after this reading⬆️

⬆️ Yoongi rn playing 12D chess⬆️

#bts #bts tarot #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts rm #namjoon imagine #jin #kim seokjin #yoongi #yoongi imagine #min suga #min yoongi #hoseok #jhope #bts jimin #taehyung #jungkook #jk

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goatpaste · 3 years

Note

shroom story? :0

oh my god this sdgjkh sat in my inbox for days because i didnt have the energy to awnser it right away and then forgot. i think this was prompted because of this ask which still makes me laugh to think about

anyways shroom story, its sdjkgh a favorite story in my server and new friends

but like ough i was in the summer between middle and highschool so like ?? 14 i think maybe 15, i forget what age most people are round then

but probably 15, old enough that my parents could question me doing any sorta drug in a normal way. like not a concerning way but in a genuine way.

and my parents smoke weed, SO much fucking weed all the fucking time their a nightmare. and i was in the room next to them and often could smell it in my room at night.

but myself, i dont do any sorta drug, just not something iv been able to do or had a desire for ig sorta.

also more context, my mom stopped smoking and this was about the time she started her road to being a crazy vegan person and it started when she watched some video about how refined sugars and salts will give you cancer. so out went all sugar and refined salts in our house for the rest of the time i lived with them.

but once in awhile when i had a few bucks i still went out and got soda and a snack at the gas station, or we’de have sweets like graham crackers or dfjkgh like literally whatever was sweet like some caramel on bread. shit like that. and on weekends id scrounge the cabinets for snacks and hole up in my room and watch shows on my computer in my room.

and so one night i was doing that and idk, as some of you can probably guess, i found two little chocolates wrapped in tin foil. and ME fucking absolute DUMBASS didn’t think anything of it and went mmm choncholate for sammi! and promptly took it to my room along with some other things.

was watching my show, snacking fine until the chocolates.

let me reiterate, i am a fucking MORON.

i bit into the first one and went, yuck! gross!....... maybe the other one taste better? bit into that one, didnt taste good. went, hmm theres something in there maybe i need to eat around it. not realizing it was like THE WHOLE CHOCOLAte i tried to eat around the center to find it still gross, gave up and threw the chocolates away.

and see i didnt think anything of it because one, im a fucking idiot. and two, my date was terribly lactose intolerant and kept dark chocolate in the house and its very bitter and i didnt like it, and at the time had assumed it was just dark chocolate.

went back to my shows for awhile

annnd then the shrooms kicked in.

and to be clear, im a dumbass and had NO idea what i had just done.

and i start to feel sometHING is wrong with me and like i cant describe how it made me feel except that when it started my brain decided “oh god im being punished for not exercising enough. i dont do enough cardio and im dying RIGHT NOW for it.”

so i went outside to the backyard where my parents work blowing glass and making weed pipes. and im like... mother.. i have to go outside right now i need to run around the block right now

NOT RELIZING HOW INSANE I SOUNDED

and my mom straight up is like... are you on drugs???

and i ofc, somehow still dont click it together and go, “nononinon no no i dont do drugs!”

and return to my room to calm down and watch my show some more before i accept i MAY be high fjkghg

returning to the backyard both my parents are there and i tell them about the chocolate, they honestly think its a lil funny and my dad and is kinda like “ :O!! my fuckin shroom chocolate we were saving that!”

and they start like trying help me, asking me if i wanted to watch a movie in the living room until i come down and everything. and im telling them i want to be alone and go to sleep until its over because i was miserable and a little stressed because OFC this didnt happen on my terms.

so i return to my room and try to lay down, but i remember like trying to close my eyes and just seeing fucking colors very much like a kaleidoscope. Annoyed i tried to push that from my vision

but when i would attempt to push away colors and find a dark patch in my like brain? there was a small puppet of me just like, doing the jig. And it was shaped like mister smarty pants from between the lions

so i give up on sleeping and grab my blanket and pillow and go to the living room, leaning against the wall singing “im just a kid” on the way.

i asked my parents to put on some disney movie, they told me no because it fuck me up too bad. and then they turned on the lorax.

i remember that movie being SO blurry and i remember looking at my mom and going “this movie is too fucking orange >:(”

the rest of it was mostly fine, i went outside with my mom and ask if she could hear my poop through the window to the bathroom that was connected to the patio. she told me no

my father tried to get me to drink nyquil, i said no and layed on the floor and rolled away from him because i just remembered i really didnt like how it tasted.

then my parents told me i texted my friends “i ate something weird and im starting to feel weird???” sdjkgh and they told me i needed to clear everything up and make sure my friends didnt think i was high. the next day i went to my friends house and told them this exact story, and iv been telling this story since.

#its not too fancy of a drug story #but its mine #drug mention #long post #Anonymous

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roseworth · 3 years

Text

mind trap one shot :^)

heyo here's a little bit of mind trap angst just because im bored idk

honestly theres almost no context to this, basically i just wanted him to be controlled by the mind trap lol. the reason he can be controlled is that as a member of the royal bloodline of the dark kingdom hes automatically sworn to the moonstone (tbh i didnt put a lot of thought into it but neither did the writers when they wrote the mind trap so its fine lol)

(ps im gonna be real with you guys i dont really know the difference between a drabble, a ficlet, and a oneshot. i was gonna call this a ficlet but i was scared of being wrong so i figured oneshot is the safest option)

word count: 1873

characters: eugene & rapunzel

description: Eugene gets taken over by the Mind Trap. Rapunzel needs to find a way to get him back before it’s too late.

note: this takes place sometime during plus est en vous. theyre in the throne room alone. idk just dont think about it too hard

Everything seemed to stop for a moment. Rapunzel felt like her body was frozen in place as Eugene turned around, his eyes glowing electric blue.

“Eugene?” she whispered hesitantly as he stepped closer. Something in her brain was telling her to back away, but it was like her feet were frozen to the ground. He took another step closer and drew his sword.

She released her hair from her braid and held it up just in time to block his sword from hitting her. He glared at her wordlessly and went to swing again, which she once again blocked.

“Eugene, I- I don’t know what to- you- how…” she stuttered helplessly as she started to stumble backwards. His gaze didn’t change at all.

“Tell you what,” he said finally, crossing his arms. “If you give up now, I’ll give you a quick and painless death.”

She felt her eyes fill with tears as she shook her head. “I won’t give up, you know that.”

He smirked. “I know, but it was worth a shot.”

This made her feel even worse. She couldn’t even tell herself that he didn’t know her or didn’t recognize her. Now she knew that he still remembered her even as he was attacking her.

Maybe that means there’s a chance to get through to him, she thought, but quickly shoved it away. She didn’t want to bother getting her hopes up like that while he was still trying to hurt her.

She didn’t really know anything about the Mind Trap or how to free someone from it. Heck, she didn’t even know why Eugene was being controlled by it, but she didn’t exactly have the opportunity to figure that out right now.

She dodged another attack from him and backed away to put distance in between the two of them, trying to think of some semblance of a plan. She couldn’t keep blocking and dodging him forever, but there was no way she could let herself even try to hurt him. The Mind Trap was still all the way in Cassandra’s tower, and she wasn’t sure if she would even be able to get out of the castle, let alone all the way to the tower.

“Aw, Sunshine, I’m almost disappointed,” he sneered. The nickname that she normally loved now felt like a punch in the gut as he said it. “I’ve seen you do better than this. I mean, come on, you’ve hit me with your frying pan more times normally than you are now.” She didn’t respond as she brought up her hair to block yet another one of his hits.

Even if she did fight back, there was no way she could win. She assumed they might be evenly matched ordinarily, but ordinarily he wasn’t fighting to kill.

Thinking about that made her feel almost nauseous. The person she loved more than anything else was now trying to kill her (or at least being used as a vessel to kill her).

“One of us is going to have to stop eventually,” he remarked. His voice had the cadence of a joke, but his expression said otherwise.

“And I’ve never been one to give up,” Rapunzel retorted.

“I know. I think under normal circumstances I would like that about you. Right now, though, it’s already getting to be a pain.”

It felt like her heart had been torn out of her chest the more he said things like that. It felt like he was already killing her knowing that something in him recognized her right now and still chose to attack. Not chose, she reminded herself. He has no control over this.

Looking into his glowing blue eyes, she thought about the way they usually were. His warm brown eyes and his soft expressions seemed like a distant memory compared to what was staring back at her now.

Just moments ago she had kissed him, and somewhere in the back of her mind wondered if that had been the last time she ever would. “No,” she whispered aloud. That wouldn’t be the last, she could fix this.

She just needed a plan. The Mind Trap reacted to the Moonstone, and she had the power of the Sundrop, there had to be something she could do. Worth a shot.

Her eyes fell shut as she channeled the Sundrop’s power. There was a burst of light around her as her hair lit up, causing a wave of energy.

She opened her eyes to see Eugene had been knocked to the floor. She wanted to run to him, but opted to keep her distance. She watched as he sat up and rubbed his head, his eyes closed.

And she felt her heart sink as he opened them and they were still just as blue as before.

“Nice to see you’re finally on the attack, Blondie,” he mocked. “Too bad it wasn’t enough.”

He lifted himself back onto his feet and scowled. She wished this would all stop. She wished everything could just go back to normal. She wanted so badly to hold out hope, but she was out of ideas.

“I’m not going to fight you,” she insisted, trying to ignore the way tears were starting to spill out of her eyes. She met his intense stare with one of her own as he moved towards her.

“I can’t say I’m surprised, Sunshine,” he grinned coolly. Again, the usually affectionate nickname made her stomach churn as her tears continued to stream down her face. He stood inches away from her, neither of them moving. It was taking everything to keep herself from running towards him, looking for comfort that she wouldn’t find.

As he tightened his grip on his sword once more, she reached for her hair only to find out that he was pressing his foot on it, keeping it in place. He smirked at her. “You lost your defense,” he taunted callously. She tried to tug her hair away, but he was keeping a firm hold on it.

“Eugene…” she said quietly. Everything felt numb as she imagined him as the man he really was instead of the one who was about to kill her. The man who was always there for her no matter what happened. The man who had saved her in more ways than anyone could understand. That man wasn’t the person standing over her right now, lifting his sword above his head to strike.

“Eugene,” she said again, louder this time. “I don’t know if the real you can hear me, but I just need you to know that I know this isn’t you. And I love you so much.”

She thought for a moment that she saw him falter, but gave up her wishful thinking as the sword came closer to her. She squeezed her eyes shut as the love of her life was about to end it.

Nothing happened.

For a split second, she wondered why she was never hit.

Then she heard him cry out in pain.

Her eyes shot open to see that he was crumpled on the ground, his own sword stabbed through his leg. He pulled the sword out and threw it across the room.

“Eugene!” she yelled, dropping to her knees next to him. She looked at his face and was beyond relieved to be met with brown eyes looking back at her affectionately. “Eugene, you’re… you’re back,” she sighed happily, getting lost in his eyes and forgetting for a moment about his leg that was still bleeding out.

He tried to smile back at her, but it ended up as more of a grimace in pain, bringing both of them back into reality. “I just- I couldn’t let myself hurt you,” he said, holding back tears. “I’m so sorry.”

She wiped away her own tears and nodded. “I know, I know. It’s okay,” she reassured him, turning her attention back to his leg. He took his jacket off and wrapped it around the wound to try to stop the bleeding. She helped secure it in place and applied pressure on the wound, and he let out a groan as he instinctively tried to move away. She gave him an apologetic look, but continued pressing her hand down on his leg.

“Hey, look at me, it’s gonna be okay,” she soothed, putting her other hand on his cheek. She tried as hard as she could to distract him from the pain. He grabbed her hand and smiled gently.

“I’m so sorry, Sunshine, I couldn’t-”

“It’s okay, I understand. It was the Mind Trap, I know,” she whispered, though she felt a rush of relief in her chest after hearing him say “Sunshine” in a loving way again.

“I don’t know what happened, I just… I suddenly didn’t have control of my body. It was like I was feeling myself move and hearing myself talk and I couldn’t do anything about it. I kept trying to fight it, but…” he trailed off, his eyes starting to fill.

“Don’t worry about it, just focus on me, it’s gonna be okay,” she said as his entire body shuddered from another wave of pain.

“Rapunzel, you have to go,” he urged suddenly. “I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold the Mind Trap off for.”

She looked deeply into his eyes, doing her best to stay strong and help him. It was taking all her effort not to break down right then, and she finally gave in. Before she could even think to try to stop herself, she was sobbing into Eugene’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. “I won’t leave you,” she choked out. He squeezed her tighter towards him, his leg now numb to the pain.

“I can’t watch myself hurt you, Sunshine,” he said brokenly as he started to cry too. “It’ll be okay soon, I promise.”

Rapunzel lifted herself up and wiped her tears away. “It’ll be okay,” she repeated through tears. “I’m going to destroy the Mind Trap, then I’ll come right back here.”

He gave her a weak smile, then brought her closer to him again to kiss her. She closed her eyes as she kissed him, hoping that she would be able to keep her word and destroy it. Not just for Eugene, but for everyone. For the members of the Brotherhood that had lost control over their own thoughts. For the others that had loved ones being taken over.

She moved away slightly as she felt Eugene shift in her grasp. She opened her eyes, and her heart shattered as she was once again met with his glowing electric blue eyes. She stood up and backed away from him.

He made an effort to stand up and go after her, but his wounded leg wasn’t doing him any good. Not to mention, even if he could get up, his weapon was still on the other side of the room. He yelled at Rapunzel as she started to run away, but she did her best to tune out what she was saying. She only had one goal in mind now.

“I’ll be back,” she promised quietly, rubbing her eyes as she ran out of the castle. “It’s gonna be okay.”

#rapunzel as everything is falling apart: its gonna be fine :) im fine :)#this was gonna be like half the size it is but i got carried away #also i was gonna post this for fitzfriday but i was busy all day yesterday and couldnt edit it #and i didnt feel like waiting another week bc im impatient #so this is for fitzsaturday 😌#alright bye love u all #tangled #fanfic #my writing #new dream

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zontiky · 3 years

Text

okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry.

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

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cosmosrival · 4 years

Note

Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????

AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!

OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG

ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going

ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.

ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!

miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away-

parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner.

rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)

#answered #long post #SORRY FOR THE BIG SCROLL.

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disaster-bay-leaf · 3 years

Note

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

#smadhuman being pure af #bay answers #long post #very long post #ask #asks

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voidselfshipp · 3 years

Text

Tender heart

[Chapter one]

Tw:mentions of past trauma andfood

Summary: jericos first week on the job as team rainbows psicologist was boring, until her first patient walks in for help and later that day a friend of her takes her to the sea to talk.

Ok to rb

Its been a week already, jerico silently sat on her Office, the cracking of the Fire was the only thing that could be heard, the houseplants hanged from the ceiling, two sofas infront of the fireplace, and her desk with cluttered Papers books a warm Cup of tea and a family photo.

She had been introduced in team rainbow last week, so far none of the operators didnt come by to talk.

See,her job was more of a moral support and psicologist, it was boring since no-one came by for help.

Distracted from her thoughts by her pet eagle playing in her bird playground, nibbling at the plastic keys hanging from a pole.

The bird caws flying to her owners shoulder nuzzling jeris hair cawing.

--its been very boring week, dont you think sunshine?--she scratches under the eagles beak smiling as sunshine nibbled on her finger playfully.

She then sighed thinking itll be like any other boring day,nobody would come by and her resume at the end of the week for Harry would be empty.

Sunshine flied back to her playground and entered the medium sized wooden house.

The silent falls heavy on the room again, she clicks her pen trying to get herself distracted.

A psicologist that struggles with intrusive thoughts,aint that ironic?.

But then,the little bell ontop of her door rang, hesitant soft steps are heard as a Man, around fifty enters.

He pushes his dishveiled dark brown hair back, panting softly, he seemed to be in a hurry--uh hello?-- he wasnt sure how to start conversations.

Jeri looked up when she heard the chime,and smiled warmly at the newcomer-- welcome--jeri would be lying if she told you that a feeling of excitement didnt settle on her chest when the Man entered and sat infront of her--whats the matter

The Man looked away,trying to think of a way of explaining it, he then remembered the file that was tucked neatly under his arm, he hands it to her--Harry told me to give this to you before our session

Jerico took the file and read it.

The first paper was more of a summary than a proper introduction.

"Ryad al-hassar Ramírez.

Age:53

Al-hassar suffers from chronic insomnia,slight shifts of mood outside work and an obssesion with his brothers murder.

The last one is a sensitive thing to talk about, proceed with caution".

Jer closed the file and left it on the table intertwining her hands togheter leaning in.

--Well ryad,before we start Ill introduce myself,I dont remember you in the line up when I got here last week,im jerico, nice to meet you

She extended her hand, and he shook it,he was a bit nervous, therapy wasnt the best thing for him during his life, hes a very Stubborn Man.

--well whats on your mind?-- she asked.

He struggled to find his words, maybe it was a mix of things, the cute therapist infront of him, the tenderness with wich she was handling him, and the fact that he hasnt had a proper therapist in a good while.

--Well, what can I say-- he started--things are a bit tense at the moment with ash's and kali's fight, then theres been talk of making me take a month off for health issues, I mean its ridiculous im perfectly fine!,maybe im low on energy but its nothing a couple of cups of coffee cant fix

She perked up, Ryad swore he saw her ears move a little when she looked up to him--Couple cups of coffee?--she inquired,his body tensed as he realized the slip up he just made--tell me ryad, how Many cups are we talking about, one? Two?

The Man looked away in shame, muttering --Five

He waited to be reprimated, he was ready to get yelled at as his previous encounters went, instead though he gained a warm hand on his wrist, squeezing it Gently--does those cups of coffee help you with your day?maybe that has to do with the talk of taking the month off

Ryad sighed his tone a bit more stern than before-- I dont need a month off, I just need to get some sleep,I can still do things!

Jeri flinches at the sudden elevation of his voice, Harry had told him that she was very sensitive to loud noises.

He calms down --Im sorry I..i shouldnt have yelled at you...

He heard her chuckle and softly shook his hand--Dont worry, I know what you meant, sometimes in order to do things we need to take a step back,it May hurt and we May hate it at first,but in the long run itll help-- she stood up, her hand leaving his and walking up to the water Cooler--Tea? Itll help you relax

It couldnt hurt at this point.

So they kept talking for a bit longer, ryad was slowly getting more and more convinced that maybe that month off would do him good.

He sighed chuckling softly looking up from his cup to jeri-- youre very good at this --He said.

--Hmm?

--im very stubborn but somehow you made me change my mind,I think ill take the month off

Jer smiled--well, If theres anything else I can do for you

He had loosen up and she took a glimpse to his charming and romantic self, she wasnt preparing for the following,though--can I get your number?--he playfully winked at her, she chuckled along with her cheeks red....she could always say its because of the fireplace.

--Well I can give you my card if you need anything,in your file says you live off base, so maybe itll be helpfull for you

She gave a small bussiness card and he took it shoving it in his pocket.

--Well, thats all--he said standing up handing her the cup--Thanks

Jeri smiled--Glad I could help!

When he left,she put her forehead against her desk sighing,rainbow had some good looking people, now her work would be extra difficult.

At afternoon she closed her Office,she told Harry to tell the operators to swing by her room if they needed anything.

Now there she was eating her food in bed, laptop on her legs watching a movie with sunshine tucked under her arm, sleeping soundly.

A soft Knock interrupted her dinner-- who is it?--she asked.

--its ngugi,ngugi furaha

Jeri leaves the PC and food on the bed running to Open the door--Wamai! Good to see you, whats up?

The kenyan Man leans on the windowsill,Him and jeri had become somewhat Friends since he had helped her move in.

--I just need to clear my mind,I was hoping we could go down at the beach and talk?

Oh yeah,ngugi had certain affinity with the sea, she figured it would make their talk be more loose, so she put on some flip-flops and went down to town and then to the beach.

Its a starry clear night, the sea rocked softly against the sand, both felt the Ocean as a home, it was something they had bonded over.

--So--jer said with hands on her pockets--whats on your mind?

He proceded to tell her about the fight between ash and kali,how worried he was that it would end up in something worse, fearing that it would spark into something more violent.

They stopped and sat near the shore,she put a hand on his back patting it softly.

--I promise this Will be fine, Harry,zero and I are working hard on making sure this doesnt go even more south,for now id advice you to relax,tomorrow morning you could go for a swim,itll help you wind down

--I guess youre right--his arm pulled her closer, hed noticed she was shivering--Thanks jer

--Youre welcome.

They sat there in silence for a bit longer,enjoying the calm.

He was about to say something about heading back but jerico was already asleep, so he lifted her up and took her back to base to her room.

His own quarters were at the other side of the building, surely jerico wouldnt mind if he stayed the night.

This was confirmed when not only did he felt jeri make herself comfortable against his back but her own eagle, who had fame of being very protective over her owner, cuddled up to him.

He chuckled petting the bird,then Yawning, turning off his brain for the night, with an inexplicable feeling of warmth on his chest.

#tw//past trauma #tw:past trauma #trauma tw #food tw #tw//food #tw:food #wamai #ngugi/wamai #ryad/jackal #ryad all hassar ramirez #f/o fic #💛🎨you can depend on me🎨💛#long post

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