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destinygoldenstar · 2 months

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I Analyzed The Ninjago Movie Instead Of Sleeping

I have real mixed feelings on this movie. But not for the reasons you might think from a fan of the TV show.

The movie didn’t NEED to be connected to the show. And it clearly wasn’t trying to.

It was meant to be an AU in a way.

(If you look at the behind the scenes one of their original rewrites was a plot of them going back in time to save Lloyd’s dad from becoming the villainous figure he is in the present day.)

So I can forgive the inaccuracy so long as it could stand on its own as a proper story.

It doesn’t do that.

If you DON’T compare it to the show:

You got a movie with SOME good jokes, amazing animation, (SERIOUSLY THIS MOVIE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND VISUALS ALONE ARE A CHEFS KISS TO ME) but is so strangely paced that it feels like the movie starts at the middle of the story and never shows the beginning, and feels like a completely different movie halfway through, and is also very choppily edited.

(I even double checked a clip of the movie just to prove my point there: When Lloyd uses all his dragon mech weapons on Garmadon, they play the exact same sound effect and explosion, just with different angles, SIX TIMES. FSM WAS THAT EDITOR HUNG OVER WHEN DOING THEIR JOB THAT DAY?! And that’s just one example I’ve got. I think this was the first time EVER when I was in a movie theater and I distinctly remember asking “What is wrong with the editing here? Who thought this was good editing?? Who thought this was appropriate in any way???” So I thank this movie for giving me such a memory and making me value good editing.)

You also got a world that isn’t very well fleshed out, characters that the movie chooses to not focus on except the main character and the main villain. And you got a movie that tells its audience it’s okay to forgive your parents that neglected you and are active terrorists even if they earned or done absolutely no redemption whatsoever.

I mean Garmadon in this movie BETRAYS them and leaves them to rot so he could terrorize the city again at the end. Then gets eaten by the cat. Then Lloyd forgives him. Idk what more you want me to say.

I’m not gonna act like Crystalized did it any better though. Pick your poison.

But then you got fans of the show. The people who watched the show since kids (that includes me). Who are naturally bias towards the shows lore and characterization…

OOOOOOHHH boy…

I don’t hate EVERY portrayal of the ninja in the movie as much as other people. I actually think there’s some good ideas for an AU version of these characters here. Problem is the movie never does anything with them.

Well, I say I don’t hate every portrayal, the one I truly cannot stand is Zane’s.

There’s just so much wrong with how they portrayed Zane that it just does not work. Not as an adaptation of the character. Not in any way that makes sense for this universe and is actually kinda insulting.

There’s no other robots in this city. (Like there are in the show) Why is Zane the only one and why is he in high school? Why would Wu ever pick a robot to be a ninja?

In the show the reason is pretty simple: Wu didn’t know at the time.

But everyone knows in the movie. What’s movie Wu’s excuse?

There’s also in terms of personality.

Keep in mind later seasons of the show have the same issues, so I’m talking about what it was at the time of the movie.

Zane’s whole robot identity is crucial to his character. The show introduced him as ‘the strange one’. As he couldn’t understand social cues, took things very seriously, didn’t share the same sense of humor as the rest of the team, had a hard time displaying his emotions, and bonded with things the others didn’t and excelled at certain areas like cooking.

He’s a character that connected to a lot of neurodivergent people in the audience who could relate to him. No he’s not intentional autistic rep, but one that definitely mattered to the people that headcannoned him as such.

(Also helps that they introduce other robot characters later that clearly don’t have the same characteristics he does. So really it depends on what you see.)

So the reveal that he was a robot was such a huge deal to not just the plot but to him as he finally got a concrete definition of what he is and who he is. And the show NEVER decides to say “You know, it would be so much better if you were a human!”

“Why can’t you just be normal?!”

That’s part of why I personally can’t stand fics that make Zane human. It just doesn’t feel right to me and misses the point of the character.

While I absolutely did not expect the movie to cover his… really heavy backstory with his inventor/father and how he outlived him, then got his memory and sense of identity wiped by him moments before death, which was meant to be an act of sympathy but would actually harm Zane’s mentality for the entire show…

The movie didn’t need to adapt that. For all we know, movie Zane could have a very happy backstory. And that would be fine. All I wanted was for the identity-seeking aspect of Zane’s character to matter in some way.

It didn’t.

The jokes they use for Zane in this movie are that of “Haha, he’s a robot. Isn’t it so funny that he doesn’t understand humanity very well?”

You know, something that in one episode of the show was portrayed as a BAD THING for people to think that of him! And that those people needed to learn to respect him for who he is!

And that’s the ONLY thing they do with him. Just robot jokes. Very stereotypical robot jokes.

Again, later seasons of the show are guilty of this too. So I will not act like the show is perfect.

For the reasons I listed, these are actually far more offensive and harmful than you think. Especially fans of the show watching the movie. Him being the only robot in this movie world makes me think even more that this actually is autistic coding… and that makes it so much worse.

Zane being a robot being equal to autism is its own discussion. And has its own problems on paper alone. Whether or not this is your headcanon of him, and whether or not you think this is good representation either way is up to your feelings and experiences. (Personally I think it’s better than some live action shows attempting this)

The others don’t even seem to trust or want to be around him that much. The others seem annoyed by him half the time. Like they’re only tolerating him because he’s on their team. Yeah they don’t say that but simple looks and gestures are enough to get that impression. And not once does anyone ever express Zane’s value in their team. That’s the ONE thing that would’ve had me forgive this all.

But there’s my rant. The others?

Jay is mostly fine. I think this personality for the movie is a neat AU concept. Yes show Jay is openly terrified of things and awkward, but if there’s something he wasn’t was SHY.

Movie Jay is a shy and nervous wreck. And you know what? For a high school AU, I think it works. It doesn’t erase Jay’s essence entirely. They at the very least kept the detail of his character that he’s a fast learner.

I appreciate that.

Cole is actually a REALLY interesting concept to me with the AU idea they gave.

On the surface it’s just ‘He’s a DJ and willingly old school’

But if you see the show, this is actually an ODD approach. Because show Cole has a very complicated relationship with music.

In the show, Cole’s parents thrived in singing and dancing. His father specifically was a performer that won several awards with his band ‘The Royal Blacksmiths’. After Cole’s mother passed away, his father proceeded to push his ideals and his passions onto his kid and pressuring him to become another version of him. It got stressful enough that Cole ran away from home and resented music, something that used to be a bond of family for them, and that’s where Wu found him and made him a ninja.

Throughout the show, Cole would open up to music again more, but it’s pretty gradual and a very subtle bit of character development for him throughout the show. He doesn’t need to say “I hate making music” to get the point across. He only starts the music route again whenever it has something to do with making a family member, blood or not, happy.

So movie Cole is interesting to me for that reason. Because at the start, he basically IS a mini Lou. His whole thing is music and it’s heavily reflected on his personality.

To the point where his element in the movie isn’t even animated or portrayed as earth like it’s supposed to, instead it’s… sound waves?

Weird choice. Interesting one though cause maybe that’s just how movie Cole functions.

So it’s “Oh, what if Cole DID follow in his fathers footsteps and DID want to become a musician?”

Very interesting approach for a completely different approach of character development.

But the problem? Just like the others, not utilized.

But I do think this was an interesting AU idea. Is it accurate to the show version of the character? No. But that’s kind of the point I think.

Then there’s the RGB siblings. This is where it gets kinda weird for me.

Thanks to the movie, a lot of my friends mistook Kai and Nya for being twins.

They are not twins in the show. Kai is older.

I don’t think that dents their characters too much in the movie so long as the same points were across. They’re the blood related brother and sister who raised themselves when their parents abandoned them, and climbed out of the ashes to protect each other, and found a new expansion on their family that didn’t have to be blood related to count.

These two, in different ways, are the support of the team and especially Lloyd. They’re usually the lancer characters that Lloyd goes to when he can.

I still say that about Nya even though originally, she was NOT a ninja, but rather was a Samurai with a mech of her own invention that acted as a Tuxedo Mask for the ninja. She didn’t become the water ninja until Season 5.

Which… I know the movie takes heavy inspiration from the first two seasons, the beginning, so for those who haven’t seen the show watching the movie… yikes I feel bad about the lack of a spoiler warning. Same goes for Zane being a robot.

But I think that’s also a factor into Kai, at the former half of this show, (again I’m talking pre-movie with this). He was the first character we were introduced to and we’re following in the show before Lloyd ever showed up. So naturally he’d be the one with the most attention to supporting the Green Ninja. Something that was very vital character development for him individually as well.

He’s the old school one. He’s the cool one. He’s the one who looks out for you even if you don’t want them to. He’s the one that will jump to anything without thinking. He’s also the one with the most value in tradition out of the ninja, as a blacksmith instead of a techie and as a traditional sword fighter rather than a fancy complicated weapon. He doesn’t get involved in tech willingly till he learns Twitter is a thing.

And in the movie, I think they took this characterization and said “Eh, give it to the girl instead.”

So most of show Kai’s character traits are now movie Nya’s. She’s the cool one with the most passion for traditional stories, she’s the one with arguably the most talks with Lloyd to calm him, and she’s pretty loud and brash in personality.

Not saying show Nya is not those things, she is. But the difference in the show was that Nya was HUGE on independence and doing her own thing. Being the only woman and a younger sibling in the main cast is actually a big deal to her. Not wanting to have her destiny be decided by the world or her brother as a damsel in distress or a sacrifice, she took to tech to invent her own ways of helping. Her own character.

Until destiny told her “Actually no, you can’t be the person you want to be. You have to stick to tradition that your mother had and be the water ninja.”

That’s… honestly a very brutally honest message that not a lot of people I see give credit for. Cause yes, expressing yourself and being your own person and being able to make your own fate is amazing… but it’s not always possible.

Sometimes you can’t be the person you want. Sometimes the world just will not let you. That doesn’t mean your identity is worthless, though. If you go with the flow, you can actually find that fate has plans for you that might not suck after all.

Basically a ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ messaging there.

It’s part of why Nya’s whole thing throughout the show is her starting as a damsel trying to reinvent herself and her stereotype, and ending as a willing sacrifice and death of her whole identity that she doesn’t regret because she’s embraced the flow of life and purpose. Even if she forgets herself in the realm of spirituality, her loves one’s never will.

…Until Crystalized undid ALL of that. BUT LETS NOT.

Movie Nya just really isn’t any of that. She’s basically just her brother.

Which… I’m actually fine with. The show has some bumps in the road in execution of her story anyway. And they want the only female of this team to not be a background character cause that’s look bad. I totally understand that. And her being a sibling to Kai makes me forgive it a whole lot more cause it does make sense.

But again, we don’t know what their lives are like or if they have similar backstories to theirs in the show at all.

But where does that leave Kai?

Well his whole character in the movie seems to basically be “I’m the loud one and a complete klutz and meathead.”

Basically TD Tyler.

It’s a personality in the movie that bled in the show post movie. While I personally think it was not THAT bad in the show, Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitsu made me go “Okay. I understand now.”

As for movie Kai, that’s really about it.

It really was an early indicator of just giving Kai’s character traits to other characters. Before the show was visibly doing it.

Cause movie Lloyd is also basically just Kai but with a different backstory and context to situation. But honestly, I DO see what they were going for here.

As the ONLY ninja to get ANY focus, this version of Lloyd is well explained on what his life is.

In the show, he’s an abandoned child in an abusive boarding school who heavily idolizes his father, Lord Garmadon, and runs away to become a super villain. Only for Destiny to tell him not to, and we see his true colors and that he just wanted his family together and to love him. Something that was… hard. Considering who Garmadon is.

That is actually carried into the movie. Just cut out him running away. Here’s the difference.

Show Lloyd loves his dad and refuses to hurt him until he has to. While he is the Green Ninja, he didn’t resent himself being Garmadon’s son. What he resented was the destiny that took them apart.

Movie Lloyd HATES his dad for abandoning him, terrorizing the city, making said city cancel him for EXISTING, and he wants every excuse to shut this man out of his life forever.

That does make sense. And to the movie’s credit, the movie logic DOES work to make this version of Lloyd make sense.

It makes the movie pretty mean spirited and kinda unpleasant at times. But it works for the story.

I described Lloyd as ‘The Emo Child’. In the show. But that’s two words.

Emo. CHILD.

He’s still a kid. He’s still the youngest. He still has his own child-like wonder of the world and the aspirations that of a child would.

Yeah he’s a lot of angst. But he’s also a sweet kid who deserves hugs.

That’s not very apparent in movie Lloyd. Not that it needs to fit movie context.

But because we never see how the ninja in the movie got together, we have no idea why Lloyd even accepted being the Green Ninja in the first place. He even says in the movie that he’d give it up if it meant he didn’t have to be Garmadon’s son.

Movie Lloyd is the only ninja in this movie with an actual character arc. He resents his dad, tries to be rid of him, only to get consequences for it, goes on a quest to fix his mistake, bonds with his dad to learn he’s… sympathetic? I guess?? And in the end forgives his dad and chooses to let him in his life again.

Simple. Fine. It works on Lloyds end just fine. And I have to give credit for the movie making Lloyd resenting Garmadon more logical than Crystalized ever did.

It’s Garmadon’s end that just makes the whole thing a bad message in the end of ‘forgive your abusers.’

Yes he’s funny. That doesn’t undo his actions.

No it’s not undone in the show either, but at least you can buy the forgiveness there because every character knew that he had no choice.

In the show, Garmadon is the Oni Child of the FSM. Thus all it took was for another Oni creature, the Great Devourer, to trigger his blood and FORCE him into the evil role without his consent. It forced him to do nasty things to his loved ones and the land his dad created, and by the time he became his evil form, he was forcefully stripped away from all of his loved ones and a chance at normal life. So the only way he could ever get that back was to turn the world into his own image, thus having the world become him too. A monster.

The show made it abundantly clear that most of Garmadon’s evil deeds are either out of ambition for what he deems as helping the family, or not his fault at all due to snake venom influence.

I THINK the movie also has this because they do address him getting bit and becoming the creature he appears as in both versions.

Better than nothing I guess.

But then you get his ‘sympathetic backstory’ which is pretty much just a love story between him and Koko-

Yeah Lloyds moms name is actually different in both versions. And in role.

Misako abandoned her child to try and solve the destiny crisis, then returned to his life to help her kid out.

Koko remained a mother to her kid and supported him even when everyone hated him.

These are very different characters basically, and which one you prefer is up to you. Personally… I actually prefer the movie. I do think the mom was the one character that the movie actually improved upon. Especially with a very interesting story for her.

In the show, Misako is a researcher and just the fair maiden figure that Wu and Garmadon fell in love with. To which she chose Garmadon because of Wu’s letter that Garmadon forged his name on… it’s complicated.

In the movie, she was actually a fighter as well and took a part of the wars Garmadon was in. She enjoyed the thrill of the fight and fell in love with her opponent in a pretty cute montage.

But then they had a baby and her reality changed, realizing she could not raise her child on the battlefield. And when Garmadon refused to change his mind, she took Lloyd and left him behind. So she could be a mother.

Explains her actions in the movie all throughout very well and I never got lost when it came to her. She’s probably the one character in the movie I felt the most sorry for. She’s such a sweet parent and her interactions with Lloyd are probably the best parts of the movie. I wanna hug her.

But that’s all that’s shown of Garmadon. Apparently Garmadon was oppressed, but that’s told at the end and not shown or been significant at all.

They don’t hate you cause you look funky. They hate you cause YOU TERRORIZE THEIR CITY ON A DAILY BASIS AND SHOOT PEOPLE OUT OF A VOLCANO

Yeah show Garmadon did similar stuff, but again, WASNT HIS CHOICE.

Here, it’s absolutely his choice cause nothing indicated otherwise.

Garmadon doesn’t even PROCESS his kids existence or his own negligence three quarters of the time. And you expect me to buy a redemption from him?

You know, I’d be fine with it if he was just a one dimensional villain and the story of the movie was about Lloyd putting his energy away from a family that doesn’t care about him and more towards a surrogate one he has.

But no. You gotta have Lloyd forgive Garmadon and have Garmadon redeemed.

Cause that’s what the show did.

Even though this is supposed to be an AU not connected to the show so we can do whatever we want.

The most they do for Garmadon’s redemption is force him to be the mentor after Wu got yeeted off a bridge by a butterfly, have him go “Oh yeah, I DID shoot people out of a volcano!”, teach his son how to catch, and tell his son his backstory.

(Speaking if, Wu to me is basically the same. Just different voice actor delivery. I got nothing to say on him)

And then if that IS redemption, then he failed it. Because he offers Lloyd to be his general when they take over the city again, showing he’s learned nothing. Then when Lloyd says no, he steals their magic weapons and ditches them in a temple leaving them to DIE. Then he goes to terrorize the city again.

What redemption. /s

Again, this was all HIS choice. If it was not and if it was snake venom, they couldn’t at least give a visual cue or address it?

And now LLOYD has to apologize?

NO. LLOYD WAS RIGHT. THERES ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD LET HIS DAD INTO HIS LIFE. THE DAD HIMSELF PROVED THAT.

It just paints an unintentional bad message of ‘you have to forgive your abusers’

I’m sorry but Lloyd doesn’t owe this Garmadon anything.

I do like Lloyd’s VA delivery though, and the speech about green being the color of life. I actually like the idea of Lloyds power being his heart. Yeah it’s not flashy powers like in the show, but for an AU, it’s a really cool idea and I wish they used it more.

I have mixed feelings on the celebrity casting. Did I expect the original voice actors? No. But this casting wasn’t awful.

Garmadon’s VA is amazing in this movie. Jackie Chan as Wu is very subjective I feel, love it or hate it. Nya and Jay’s were really good too. I think the only one that didn’t work for me was Kai’s VA. Just… why does this teenager sound like a 50 year old man??

But honestly, I think the thing that got to me the most about the movie was something I praised about the show not too long ago.

The bond between the ninja.

I talked about how the show is a master class at character dynamics. There is almost no point where the characters are just standing there in one big clunk. Someone is saying something, someone is making a comment, someone is doing something, and it’s usually there for others to see and react to. It’s a very small thing, but it keeps the scenes alive and fresh the whole time and helps the audience be sold on the characters bond.

They don’t wait for the scenes of “Okay it’s time for characters to interact”. They just do it all the time.

And guess what the movie did? They’re just there in one big chunk all the time. With “okay it’s time for characters to interact” bits.

It’s one thing to not explore the other ninja at all. It’s another to ignore their bond.

In the show, they’re a found family. They all had rough upbringings in life and find a new sense of purpose in each other.

That’s NEVER emphasized in the movie except for one speech at the end Lloyd makes. Mostly cause we don’t know the other ninjas lives, and we don’t know how they even got together. Cause as I said, the movie starts at the middle, and awkwardly cuts after Garmadon is forgiven to be the end. We don’t know what it is about THIS ninja team that we should care about. It’s not shown.

All were shown is them being a team by circumstance only. Then Lloyd pulls out the cat laser and the cat nearly kills them. Then they hate Lloyd for it and spend the rest of the movie making fun of Lloyd.

Which yeah they make fun of each other in the show too, but where it ended in the show was playful teasing in the middle of moments that showed they cared about each other. And when one bond between two or more of them was broken, you felt it.

Here? I don’t know that and there isn’t anything besides the high school montage to show they cared. Just some comments about “Oh it’s okay Lloyd, it’s just awkward that your dad is a terrorist”. And then they make fun of Lloyds expense.

It’s mean spirited. It makes me think they don’t like each other. And it’s not like they ever apologize for it. They’re just teammates because Wu said so. They’re just tolerating Lloyd cause Wu said so.

Honestly the bloopers for this movie show more personality and more of this bond than the entire movie does.

…OOF that took awhile. I don’t even know why I did this, I just didn’t feel like sleeping. Uh… you read this, congrats. Idk why you did.

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destinysbounty · 2 years

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I’m being so normal about how Zane in your elemental swap au finds Lloyd and decides to be the kids only family companion, and how that perfectly fits into Zane being built to help those who cannot help themselves even when he has no idea about that. And how he probably feels even more love and care for Lloyd after he regains his memories because he realizes that him and Lloyd becoming friends was another anchor to answers about himself he didn’t know he needed. Yep, no crying here, just completely normal reactions to these silly little Lego boys. Totally.

(Thank you for this emotional torment good sir you are doing the community a great service)

Thank you! It means a lot to me that so many people have keyed into that part of the AU, especially considering how that's my favorite aspect of it. Y'all are so wonderful and supportive and it's amazing! <3

As thanks, here's some assorted thoughts for the road

Lloyd is, like, 8 years old, and spent most of his life at Darkley's of all places. And at Darkley's he learned that girls are gross, and that girly things are stupid and worthy of ridicule. He also learned that the best way to look out for someone is to toughen them up through harassment. So yes, he does initially mock Zane for his love for pink and frills and flowers, but then he starts to feel bad about it when he realizes A) just how cool Zane is, and B) how upset Zane gets as a response to the mockery. So he apologizes and tries to be nicer - an evil mastermind must treat his henchmen properly, after all - and Zane eventually flourishes under this freedom of self-expression.

This, of course, results in him starting to wear more skirts and dresses and 'girly' things. Which likewise results in the ninja noticing, and in the middle of a battle Cole goes "wait, stop stop stop. Time out everyone. Lloyd, your henchman. What are their pronouns?" And because Lloyd's a baby who has no clue what a pronoun is, they all just kinda end up recreating that one Eggman meme.

At some point, Zane and Lloyd get split up. I have a few ideas for how this might play out, but it'll probably happen as a result of some Serpentine shenanigans. Either way, when they split up, Zane tells the falcon to go with Lloyd to keep him safe and watch over him, and to help Lloyd find his way back to the Bounty so they can meet up back at home. But then the falcon breaks, and Lloyd is scared and lost and alone with no one but his pet bird, whom he didn't even know was a robot to begin with, as his company. I've got the mental image of a crying baby Lloyd holding a broken falcon as he wanders in the desert, desperately releasing Pythor in the hopes of getting some help in locating Zane. But as you can guess, Pythor...doesn't do that. And just like in canon Lloyd gets taken in by the ninja shortly after Pythor betrays him. But Lloyd is still upset, because he's here and safe and Zane isn't, and he doesn't know where his friend is.

Nya and Jay could probably fix the falcon, but Lloyd doesn't fully trust them just yet and also isn't emotionally ready to part with it long enough for it to be repaired. Yeah, after being abandoned by his mom, getting kicked out of his school, and then being separated from Zane, the little green bean has a TON of attachment issues. Plus the falcon serves as a reminder of his friend henchman, and is his only connection to the life he had with said henchman. So yeah, even as he and the ninja grow close, and he starts to warm up to them, and they start to view him as a little brother, he still can't yet trust them with the falcon. He trusted Pythor too, didn't he? So when he gets captured by the Serpentine, he happens to have the falcon in his possession.

Here's where things get dicey: because Lloyd has the falcon with him and the falcon is broken, there isn't anything around to guide Zane to the Birchwood Forest. Meaning that in this AU, Zane takes a while longer to discover his nindroid identity and regain his memories. I imagine it happens sometime early season 2, shortly before the Tomorrow's Tea.

Eventually, Zane decides to seek out the ninja in the hopes that they'll be able to help him find Lloyd - only to discover that he was with the ninja all this time, and Zane is just barely a few days late because Lloyd was recently kidnapped. They just missed each other. And that's how Zane becomes a member of the team. He hadn't planned on befriending them, since they are Lloyd's enemies and according to the Villainy 101 lecture Lloyd gave him, You Aren't Supposed To Be Friends With The Enemy. But Zane...well, he's Zane. It doesn't take him long to get attached to the ninja, and within a matter of days he's calling them his family. And to their surprise, the ninja find that they actually like him too, and seamlessly induct him into their crew.

And when Lloyd and Zane finally reunite...🥺

Also, it's just like you said. Zane protects those who cannot protect themselves even when he doesn't realize that's his purpose. And looking after Lloyd sang to parts of himself he didn't even know were there in the first place. His affection for his little brother mastermind was a much-needed tether to his sense of self, to the life he'd forgotten. That's all well and emotional and good. NOW LET'S ALL THINK ABOUT THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT IN THE CONTEXT OF SEASON 11 AND LAY ON THE FLOOR FOR A FEW MINUTES

Anyway, thanks for the ask! <3

#ninjago #elemental roulette au #ask #destiny post

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kristencsummerlin · 1 year

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if ur still doing the ask prompt thing 👁👁,,,, nicktoons unite + relationship chart. like one of those rhat show each dudes profile and their relation to everyone else in the group

Of course my Anonymous Sugar-Bee I'm still doing those prompt things. And this sounds perfect to do. Now I am going off my versions of the characters. Each I haven't talked enough about or done anything with.

I also like to include XJ-9 as the fifth member because I adore her. And I'm not a huge fan of Tak.

Alias: Danny Phantom, Ghost Boy, Invisi-Bill

Real Name: Danny Fenton

Age: 16 years old

Gender: Cis Male He/Him

Sexuality: Heterosexual? (he prefers the opposite sex though he's willing to date other genders if he loved the person enough.)

Occupation: B Average Student, Science Major at Nickolas High School, Junior Astronaut

The Leader of the group known as Nickolas City's Unite or UN as people call it. He's been working as a superhero for two years. Though he mostly handled ghosts and other supernatural beings before forming a hero team with the other members. He was dubbed the leader for reasons even he's confused about. But has been doing the job well enough. He's like a big brother figure for a lot of the members. Often stepping into their affairs trying to help and or fix situations that might have nothing to do with them.

Timmy Turner: Danny sees Timmy like a little brother at times. He goes out of his way to help Timmy with his emotions and even with homework. He even tried to convince Timmy to live with him once he learned about his living situation. (Aka a street kid) They play video games, read comic books, and eat junk food until their hearts give off.

Jimmy Neutron: Funny enough despite seeing Timmy like family. Jimmy is his actual younger cousin. (Judy, Maddie, and Alicia were separated for years.) Danny sees Jimmy as some of the smartest on the planet. They often talk about theories and space travel. Jimmy's been to other planets, so Danny likes to listen in on the juicy details about space. I guess his only problem is Jimmy's lack of communication. They've argued because Jimmy refused to talk about the issue, ask for help, or apologize ever.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Bob and Danny can hang out for hours. Something about that mermaid like boy that makes Danny giggle. But he also repeats Bob for being able to balance, work, school, hero work, and everyday live without a complaint. Makes Danny think he's more capable seeing someone else manage. If anyone is able to keep Danny sane it's the Sponge-kin.

Jenny Wakeman: Jenny was the first hero Danny was able to work missions with. She figured out his secret identity on accident. So Danny confessed. Which worked perfectly as Jenny isn't that versed on the paranormal and Danny never fought an alien. So they were able to work together happily. They tell dad jokes together. Tuck and Dani are besties. He's only problem is he knows she has a crush on him. He figured it out early on. He was flattered at first but he doesn't want to upset her.

Alias: N/A

Real Name: Jimmy Neutron

Age: 15 years old.

Gender: Cis Male He/Him and or They/Them (easier for non-human species)

Sexuality: Pansexual (He's open to everything. Doesn't have to be human either.)

Occupation: A+ Student, Science Major at Nickolas High School, Minor Galactic Criminal

The Brains of the team. He personally wanted to be the leader but thing didn't go as planned. Still Jimmy is willing to do his part no matter what it might be. Provide a secret base, equipment, be the teams medic (even for the robot), he even bribed Timmy by doing his homework for an entire semester. He's annoyed but does it because someone has to do it. That and he doesn't like admitting it but he likes them.

Timmy Turner: Out of everyone in the group. Timmy is his bestfriend. Which is way they fight so much. Who else call you a punk ass bitch with full confidence more than your best friends. That and Timmy is stubborn. While Timmy is his bestie that will destroy shit with. Timmy is also the second person he's argued with throughout his life. It doesn't help that Timmy is magical which annoys Jimmy. He thinks magic's too easy and unproducible. You can hurt thousand without trying. At least with Science it's slow.

Danny Phantom: Jimmy's cousin and one of the only people 16 years old he repeats. Danny takes everything into note which makes Jimmy feel like he's appreciated. Though it annoys him that Danny has never tried to explore and experiment anything in the Ghost Zone. He has the golden opportunity. He also doesn't understand why Danny wants to keep his identity a secret. He's parents would try to kill him less, school would be more easy on him like it is with Jenny.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Bob remains Jimmy of Carl at times. Except Bob has to sleep in water. That sponge has tried to steal his devises to play around with. Has accidently lost his invisible hamster. And keeps rearranging his lab around despite Jimmy telling him not to every single time. But Jimmy does enjoy the humanoid sea creature.

Jenny Wakeman: Jenny is a saving grace. Jimmy panics without some type of technology on hand. Lucky for him Jenny is there whenever he calls. Though he doesn't like being babied by her. Nor treated like her "little" brother when she's technically 6 years old. Though as much as he hates to admit it. He enjoys having her there from time to time. He's gone out of his way so she can have citizenship and fix her sisters up so they can live her her full time.

Alias: Abra-Catastrophe, Former Clift The Boy Chin Wonder

Real Name: Timmy Turner (He prefers Timmy Cosma but legally he has to go by Turner)

Age: 14 years old

Gender: Cis Male He/Him (Though he personally doesn't care what you call him)

Sexuality: Pansexual (He loved Trixie as both a girl and a boy.)

Occupation: Thanks to Jimmy he's currently a B student, D average Student otherwise, Art Major at Nickolas High School

The Lancer of the team and the only magic user. As Danny's more science when it comes to the supernatural. Timmy often relies on magic to help him which causes more problems being he's still learning how to use it. She's kind of the punk kid doing things for shits and giggles until something serious comes along. Then you get you to see his real self.

Danny Phantom: Timmy is a superhero fanboy through and through. Even if that famous hero is only two years older than him. That and Timmy is use to magical beings more than regular humans. But Danny's even cooler being he's a unique type of magical being. They act like brothers for most of the time. Though Timmy hates it when Danny tries to intervene with his life. Especially his home life. It causes the two to argue for days. Timmy prefers to fix his problems on his own.

Jimmy Neutron: It takes a lot to become one of Timmy's part of his inner friend circle. It took three city-almost-in-ruin events. But now they're besties. Timmy thinks Jimmy's inventions are awesome and loves to test them out with Bob. Jimmy can't say the same for Timmy's magic. But hey it is what it is. Though Jimmy is rather bossy and arrogant at times. Which causes Timmy to argue with him in the hopes it would cause he's ego to deflate. It doesn't but hey, it is what it is.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Timmy is willing to stab others for Bob. That's his buddy. Bob seems like an innocent guy wanting to help for the greater good. Timmy respects that because that generosity is hard to find. Though he thinks Bob is a doormat. He's often tried to get him to toughen up. Teach him how to flip people off. Bob knows full and well how, but doesn't see the point in it. So Timmy flips people off for him.

Jenny Wakeman: Again fanboys. Though unlike Danny he's not comfortable with opening up to her. I lot about his past and the many small crimes he's committed has caused him to fear when she'll rat him out. Otherwise he treats her like a sister, as she insists to be looked at as one.

Alias: Sponge-Boy

Real Name: SpongeBob SquarePants

Age: 17 years old

Gender: Cis Male He/Him

Sexuality: Asexual

Occupation: Manager of on land Krusty Krab, C average student, Business Major at Nickolas Nigh School.

Bob is the heart due to his comedic responses and heartwarming demeanor. He sees the good in everyone and believes in giving one hundred chances. Sadly this sort of view is what gets him in trouble like all the time. He does his best to impress others and has quickly jumped to outlandish assumptions. But he's proven important to the team time and time again. Bob has admitted though "he feels like a fish out of water" when it comes to the hero life.

Timmy Turner: They get along beyond well. Bob has no idea what a fairy is but thinks they're really pretty. They hang out almost all the time. Bob also has tried to follow Timmy advise. The word is try being the thought of losing his job hurts more than death. So he's kept his words and fingers to himself.

Jimmy Neutron: Jimmy like Sandy is the smartest person ever. He allows knows how to have fun. Even though Jimmy doesn't want Bob is mess with any of his things. Or the fact that Jimmy hates Patrick more than vampires hate the sun. Which breaks Bob's spirit a small bit but it is what it is.

Danny Phantom: Danny's great. He believes in Bob. Includes him in everything important. Which makes Bob feel like an actual member to the team. As if he's slowly becoming like his favorite superhero. That and ghosts scare him so Danny helps.

Jenny Wakeman: His past experience with robots didn't go well but he likes Jenny anyway. Even though Jenny can't visit his house or stand too close to him due to her being weak to water. But you can be friends with someone from across the room.

Alias: XJ-9

Real Name: XJ-9 (she prefers Jenny Wakeman.

Age: Mentally and Physically 16. Otherwise she's 6.

Gender: Trans Female She/Her (she was made genderless)

Sexuality: Asexual (willing to date. but no sex.)

The Bronze of the team. Often going in to fight the villain without thinking on how to do so. She's also quick tempered. Though she's still sweet in her own way. Created to the be a superhero and longing for a regular teenage life. In an consent battle with her programming, her mother, and her own wants.

Timmy Turner: She sees Timmy as a pain. She wants to be besties with him like she is with Jimmy but he's distant with her. Though they seem to get along well enough. Jenny has saved Timmy and Danny from bullies so often that people stopped bullying him for a long time. To return the favor though she never asked. Timmy poured red dye on Brit and Tiffs white clothes.

Jimmy Neutron: Her soul brother. Jenny's use to geniuses. Which causes her to know how to talk to them. She watches documentaries with him and joins Jimmy on shit talking the video if it's insanely inaccurate. Though she's not letting his treatment towards Boibot go. Jimmy built him and threw him away. She doesn't care if he built him his own parents. He threw the boy away. She's gone out of her way to force the two to bond.

Danny Phantom: Danny isn't the first teen hero she's met though he's her favorite. She developed a crush on him fast. She tries to ignore her feelings because friendship is more important. But he has Icy blue eyes. Those are her favorite eye color on a guy! Besides that they work well together. She often punishes the boys when they're fighting while Danny comforts them. As if he's the mom and she's the dad.

SpongeBob SquarePants: He's sweet but he seems scared of her. Plus she can't really touch him without having to get repaired by her mom. Though Bob and Danny are pretty much immortal so if she has too she'll train with Bob.

(Hope this is what you were hoping for.)

#nicktoons unite #danny phantom #timmy turner #jimmy neutron #human spongebob #jenny xj9 #answered ask

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measlyfurball13 · 1 year

Text

Yoinking an open tag from @bloodgulchblog!

I've never met a tag game that's specifically about fandom, I just had to fill it out.

Tagging @totally-not-an-awkward-okapi and @nitr09-productions and @south-sea and @ow-old-men, along with anyone else who manages to see this between all of the Sonic reblog spam.

Your name: Call me Measly!

Your current fandom(s): Anybody checking my reblog spam knows that I am neck fucking deep in the Sonic fandom right now. Which I must say, is not the lowest I've ever been- one of my prior fandoms was League of Legends, somehow.

How did you first get into fandom?: Deviantart.com baby!! A really pretty girl in 6th grade introduced me to the website, and one day I finally worked up the courage to enter my favorite show at the time (Transformers Prime) into the search bar. I discovered that I was not the only girl in the world who experience the Blorbo Emotions and that blew my mind.

How long have you been engaging in fandom spaces?: Since 6th grade, as mentioned before. However, honorary mention- my mom is actually a part of the fandom old guard. She's been reading fanfic since before I was born. Strange thought, isn't it?

How often do you read fanfics?: About every week, I say. I usually find new stuff here on tumblr, and I troll the depths of AO3 every week and a half or so. (I usually just tend to tear through every fic that's been tagged with my favorite niche character and then get sad about it.)

Top three characters from your current fandom(s):

Anybody who's even glanced at my reblog spam knows that it's all going to be Sonic characters. More specifically, my beloved Metal Sonic, is #1. Obsessed with this funky identity crisis dude. He's the one I'm writing a literal novel for right now, because you can fit so much goddamn angst, mental illness, and daddy issues into this one robot it's not even remotely funny.

In close second is Omega. This is another robot built by the same guy in universe as Metal, by the way, so he's got a similar yet different flavor of angst going on. Omega was hit with the typical "you are what you choose to be" arc that most fictional robots undergo, except his choice was "I WANT TO COMMIT MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF VIOLENCE. AND ALSO MAYBE MAKE FRIENDS BUT DON'T TELL ANYBODY THAT" and that fascinates me deeply.

Number 3 is, uh, idk? Kind of a toss-up. Probably a tie between Shadow (who's the traditional pick for a hurt/comfort character in this fandom) or Silver (optimistic time traveler dude who is just. so tragic sometimes.)

Have you ever written fic for a fandom?:

BOY HAVE I EVER-

The longest fanwork I've written so far is sitting pretty at around 44,000 words (it's an incredibly niche crossover between Babylon 5 and Knight Rider). My current WIP (the aforementioned one starring Metal Sonic), however, just broke 50k yesterday and I'm not even remotely close to finishing.

But yeah- I've been writing since 6th grade. Here's my very first ever fanfiction by the way, if you want an idea of how far I've come (or a good laugh.)

Have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom?:

I can count on one hand how many times I've tried. I can count on zero hands how many times I've succeeded.

Share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about:

If you follow my Sonic sideblog, you'll see all of my headcanons projectile-blasted at you daily.

Additionally, most of my headcanons are pretty fluid. I LOVE enjoying multiple interpretations of the same character, even and especially if they're contradictory. There's only been, like, two that I've ever been super crazy about.

The one that I'm weirdest about right now is Metal Sonic being some flavor of trans. This is the character that, upon gaining the ability to redesign their body however they wanted in canon, gave themselves long hair, a skirt, and a big dragon alternate mode. If that doesn't scream "transgender" for you, I don't know what will.

And finally, what does fandom mean to you?:

Fandom is a place where I get to share the joy of creation with other people! My favorite thing in the universe to do is "yes, and" people and develop ideas together. My second favorite thing in the universe to do is to encourage creators to tell me more about their fuckin' awesome ideas. My third favorite thing in the universe is seeing people react to my own work. I'm just writing the stories that make me happy, man, so to see people enjoying it brings me so much joy.

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comradeacerbus · 3 years

Text

Danse Headcanons

Because he is a good boy who needs love too okay

- Always needs to be organized, writes everything down.

- To do lists. They’re everywhere, and he always has a notebook on his person.

- Quite likes crosswords. Always needs something to do with his hands, and they help if he starts getting antsy. PTSD is a bitch.

- Smokes. Prefers cigars. Also likes black coffee.

- Is actually gruesomely funny, but you wouldn’t know unless you really get to know him. He’s got a really dry sense of humor so it automatically makes his sarcasm even funnier.

- In spite of the fact that he can be bitterly sarcastic himself, he doesn’t always understand sarcasm immediately. He’s very literal.

- Very much a dad friend. Not to be confused with the mom friend. Don’t expect to be coddled by him. He’s great for practical advice, but don’t expect him to go soft if you go to him about a problem. If he thinks that you’re at fault for your own problem, he’ll make sure that you know it.

- “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed”

- Overall, he’s just brutally honest, almost to a fault. He’s a terrible liar!

- Still, he’s a very good listener and will keep his trap shut. Once you tell himself something, it’s in the vault, so to speak.

- On that note, puns are not typically appreciated.

- He’s good to his friends overall, and is highly reliable, but like a knight of Catarina, he will never forgive a betrayal. The guy can hold a serious grudge.

- As a lover, he’s very shy at first. His other half will have to make most of the moves initially. Once he’s comfortable, he’s actually quite affectionate.

- Turns out the fucker has some serious libido too.

- Gifts and acts of service are his main love languages, though in private, physical touch quickly rises to prominence. A lot of gentle touch, nudging, shoulder pats for reassurance, that kind of thing in public.

- He’s a virgin. Absolutely. He’s shy about banging at first because he’s embarrassed that he’s inexperienced, in spite of the fact that he’s getting into his thirties. It doesn’t take him long to get confident in the bedroom.

- Cuddly sleeper. Also sleeps hot.

- Really likes Johnny Cash and Marty Robbins, but he’s got room for Mel Tillis too.

- He has a habit of slipping right into lecture mode, even after his exile. He gets better about it as time goes on, but it’s really annoying for all parties involved until he does. He’s just so used to dealing with stupid soldiers and having to lecture them as a superior that it’s become second nature.

- He’s very literate and an avid reader. He prides himself on his extensive vocabulary, even if the casuals find it annoying.

- Always eager to learn a skill in case he might need it later. Doesn’t hurt to be a jack of all trades in the wastelands after all. In the immortal words of my father, “Always take the chance to learn something, if you get it. Once that knowledge is yours, no one can take it away from you.”

- An excellent mechanic, and not just for PAs and related things. While he’s not good at coding, he is good at robotics repair and the like and can disassemble and reassemble a laser rifle blindfolded.

- Has fixed up Codsworth a number of times.

- Very literate with guns and ammunition, both with technical as well as historical information. He has a soft spot for old guns.

- Getting kicked out of the brotherhood took a huge toll on him. Aside from his identity crisis, Danse prided himself on the sophistication of the Brotherhood and the fact that he could be a part of it. On top of that, he has no living relatives, so that faction was his only family from the time he joined up. He had a lot of emotions invested in the group overall, even though he refuses to admit the fact that he does indeed have feelings.

- He has trust issues for a while after the whole ordeal. You can’t blame him. One moment, these people would die for him based on principle alone, and the next, they’re trying to kill him.

- He constantly denies the negative emotions that he feels. For a while, he just avoids things that make him think of the brotherhood so he doesn’t have to process what happened to him. He has a sense of abandonment after being thrown to the side by Maxson, but it immediately translates to anger because he just doesn’t know how to deal with it.

- When he finally finds someone who legitimately cares about how he feels and how he’s doing, he doesn’t know what to do, and it sort of gets worse before it gets better.

- He’s very embarrassed of his PTSD because he has a lot of masculine pride, so again, he doesn’t want to face it or his emotions.

- He’s just grouchy and mildly paranoid after his exile until Sole drags him back to the real world and helps him recover. Afterwards, he’s almost like a different person.

- He does still retain some things from the Brotherhood. For example, he always keeps a stiff posture, and when he’s fixated on something, he walks in step, not unlike a soldier. During a fight, specifically shootouts, he’ll use the military codes and signals he was taught.

- He is still very wary of synths (understandable) and very much hates mutants (also understandable), but is okay with Nick, after they come to an understanding between each other.

- He also still has trouble sleeping by himself. He’d never admit it, but he cant stand sleeping alone, since he’s used to sleeping in a military base with a bunch of eyes to watch for trouble. When he eventually does get with Sole to the point they share a bed or room, it’s easier for him to sleep.

- Danse LOVES affection, but he’d never admit it verbally. Sole knows lol but it’s a secret he’ll take to his grave. Cuddling and forehead kisses are his weakness.

- Approval from his lover is like a drug to him. Really, just a “good job” can make his day.

- He’s also weird about asking for sex or affection. He’ll usually get all bashful and quiet, but will sort of hover around Sole. Like, stand behind them or next to them and nudge them, maybe give them a knowing look. Or he’ll just get very clingy in bed or something.

- He blushes very easily.

- Snores. Denies it.

- He LOVES dogs, but is really more of a cat person. He adored Emmett, back on the Prydwen.

- Because he is a workaholic, he opens up a lil store in Sanctuary. Sort of goes back to what he did in Rivet City, but with a more focused goal in that he specifically scavenges for gun parts and the like. Just a warning that he keeps a sawed off shotgun under the counter. Try to rob him and he’ll blow your head off. This man takes the Second Amendment very seriously.

#fallout 4 #Paladin danse #fallout 4 headcanons #headcannons #i’m not stalling you’re stalling #I needed something to do okay #video games

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dutchdread · 3 years

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No offense bro, but why are you always so protective of Cloud? No disrespect to you or anything but I've heard quite a bit of different opinions and theories on Cloud myself and I do agree with the people who say that he takes Tifa for granted. Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior. He also does act like he's the only one who has suffered in his life. Do you have other reason to defend him other than the fact that you "relate" to him? Just wondering.

Sorry for the late reply, my life has basically left no room for hobbies these past months. Your question is hard to reply to because I am not sure what you mean when you say I am protective of him. I guess you mean I defend his actions? Specifically in ACC? Firstly let me state that there is a difference between being a good character and being a nice character, there is also a difference between agreeing with someones actions, or just understanding them. Personally, I never really liked Cloud, especially not when I was younger. A lot of my defense of Cloud doesn't come from me personally liking him, but from me thinking he's a good character. I also think Snape is a good character, but I don't like his actions, and I don't defend them, although I still understand them to a certain degree. I should also say that as I started to understand Clouds character more, I also started liking HIM a bit more, although I still don't like the things he did, and would very likely not be friends with him. But I do understand why he did what he did and cannot be too critical of him because of that. You've probably heard that before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That's great advice, if you want to judge someone, you should imagine what it would be like to be them, however, I've noticed that too often when people try to walk a mile in someone elses shoes, they refuse to take their own shoes off first. They don't think "what would it be like to be him", they think "what would I do in that position". But Cloud is not you, and you cannot judge him by how you would act, you've not gone through the same things he has, your thought patterns aren't the same etc. This matters because too often I see people judging Clouds actions in ACC, and establishing his motivations by saying things that boil down to "If I were in his position, I would only do those actions if I loved Aerith/didn't love Tifa/whatever". But they're not Cloud, and they're not understanding how Cloud thinks, and that it's different from how THEY think. But like you said, I do see some recognizable elements of myself in Cloud, which is why I do understand his actions, and why I feel relatively certain in defending them, because I see them coming from a good place. It's common for me to react to things in a way that others find counter-intuitive. Let me give you an example, my brother once was mad at me because I had not told him my girlfriend of several years and I had broken up while I did tell a random stranger at the pub. He said that he felt like he wasn't important to me if I told a random stranger but not him. The truth was the exact opposite, I love my brother, and could not bear to face him for some reason, as I told him: "if not caring enough was the problem, then I wouldn't have told a random stranger". I see people exhibit that same lack of understanding when discussing Clouds actions, where they feel like his actions must be the sign of him just being a bad person, or not caring. But ask yourself what is more likely, that Square-enix wants their hero to be a bad person, or that you simply are misunderstanding the character? I understand why people don't get Cloud, Cloud suffers from obvious mental health issues, and mental health issues simply are not something that the general public understands, even today. Not only that, but Cloud went through the most insane series of traumatic events anyone could ever imagine. He had an alien parasite in him, saw his entire town murdered before his eyes, then saw Zack murdered in front of his eyes, then saw Aerith murdered in front of his eyes, and just when he started living a peaceful life he is forced to watch his child succumb to sickness in front of his eyes, and then he finds he himself is dying. All this on the psyche of a man who had had a fear of failure ever since he was a child, spent most of his life essentially in war, and had a severe identity crisis as well. Do you think you can honestly judge him by going "that's not what I would have done"? Would that not be incredibly

presumptuous? Have you suffered from depression as a result of severe post-war PTSD and a lifelong feeling of inadequacy combined with a fear of failure and the belief that many of your loved ones died because you failed and were inadequate? Because that's the context in which you have to view Cloud when watching Advent Children. Saying "Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior" is just incredibly short-sighted, your behavior is determined by who you are, and who you are is determined by what you go through in the past. You can't expect a broken child to become a well-adjusted adult when being a well-adjusted adult is the result of having a normal childhood.

I also don't want to cause offense, but this really is a mindset you should change, because this mindset is one of the most pervasive and damaging ones in our society, it's the one that probably bothers me most when I hear it because it makes zero sense. It's like breaking a robots self-repair unit, and then being angry at it on the grounds that the self-repair unit should have fixed it. It's also very insensitive in general, it's the equivalent of saying "why are you depressed, just stop being depressed", people don't choose to be depressed, people don't choose to have a fear of failure. People don't choose their emotions, they're just there. They can be influenced by behavior over time, sure, but behavior is equally influenced by who you are and your emotions, which, as mentioned before, is determined for a large part by your past. People don't just "snap out of it". They fight and fight and fight, and sometimes they win and break out of the spiral, and sometimes they lose and it breaks them.

FFVII, and especially Advent children, is all about that struggle, and during those struggles you will have high-points, and low-points. FFVII shows all of those. It shows Cloud trying, it shows Cloud wanting, it shows Cloud failing, but it also, ultimately, shows Cloud prevailing. Judging Cloud for not breaking out of the spiral by the time of Advent children, when he was mentally only barely 18 years old, and when he started at the worst place anyone could ever imagine, is just not reasonable. It's the modern day equivalent of "let them eat cake", something that can only be said from the place of privilege of not knowing what the struggles of the people you're critiquing are actually like. So having that out of the way, lets look at Clouds actions from the perspective of Cloud. Cloud is a young boy, and he's in love with the girl next door, he wants to get her to notice him. One day said girl walks up a mountain and he follows, she falls off a bridge and ends in a coma. Cloud followed her because he's in love with her, and he gets the blame from the adults. Cloud internalizes this, and its important to imagine what this must be like for a child, to have the adults all tell him it's his fault that the person he loves ended up hurt. "your fault", "your fault". Afterwards Cloud starts thinking Tifa hates him and starts acting out. I think this is a good moment to point out btw that this child has no father figure. This is the start of his feelings of failure and inadequacy, he blames himself for not being able to protect Tifa, failure number 1, he thinks that if he were strong, he'd be able to protect her, he thinks that if he were like Sephiroth, then even Tifa would have to notice him. Now until this time Cloud is not an asshole, he's a bit of a rebellious kid yes, but notice that he's not a bad kid as much as he's a kid who wants to protect someone, has no direction, and is acting out. So Cloud thinks he's not good enough, but he leaves town confident that he'll become good enough, and even makes a promise to Tifa. All this follows logically from what we know about Cloud, and tells us a lot about how deeply seated these feelings are. Becoming Soldier wasn't a small thing, not some small passion project that he just came up with one day, it's the result of the things that happened in his childhood and he left everything behind make it so. He told the girl he loved, he promised, he boasted. And then he failed. Failure number 2. He comes back to Nibleheim and can't bear to look Tifa in the eye and admit that he couldn't do it, that he's a failure. His entire life so far has revolved around this and he wasn't good enough. So here we have Cloud, not in a great mindset, thinking he's a failure, and what happens? His entire town is murdered by the person he admired, someone he worked with. His Mother is killed, and Tifa, the girl he PROMISED to protect, gets slashed open so badly that apparently she needed to have her ribcage reinforced with metal. I think we can all agree that this by itself would be enough to potentially scar a person for life. (Cloud, not Tifa XD) So what's next for the boy who left town in order to become a hero? Well, he gets captured and experimented on for 4 years, during which his mind and sense of identity is bombarded with memories and knowledge of the lifestream in the form of mako, muddying up his thoughts. Cloud already had a weak sense of self as a result of his childhood, it's why he failed to enter Soldier and now this distaste for who he is makes him extra susceptible to Jenovas influence. The next thing Cloud sees, (he didn't consciously experience the 4 years of mind-fuckery) is his best friend getting killed trying to protect him, because Cloud wasn't strong enough. Failure #3. At this point, in Clouds mind the list of people dead because he could not protect them, because he's a failure, include his mother, his entire town, his best friend, and as far as he knows, the girl he loves. This is his life. His mind is broken, he hates himself, he doesn't want to be himself,

he has a mind-altering parasite inside of him trying to adjust his identity and Clouds just goes "I reject this reality and constitute my own". And why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he want to live in a fantasy world where he wasn't a failure, where he made it into soldier, where he was cool and successful and not a disappointing failure? Zack tells him to be his living legacy and Cloud goes with it, then he runs into Tifa, Jenova adjusts Cloud further based on Tifas memories of them and rejoined with the girl for whom he joined Soldier Cloud is unconsciously all too willing to play the part. FFVII starts and it doesn't take long for the cracks in his fake persona to show, he meets Aerith, and becomes her bodyguard. He gets to be the hero he always wanted to be. But then, even as "Cloud strife, soldier first class", Cloud is still a failure, the plate still drops, killing thousands, he gives Sephiroth the black materia, he beats up Aerith, and ultimately, fails to save her as well. Tifa was the First Failure, and Aerith was the Final Failure. Even as a soldier, Cloud still couldn't save anyone, he loses even more faith in himself, he doesn't know who he is, he doesn't trust himself, and then when he also loses Tifas trust in who he is, he just breaks and gives over to Jenova/Sephiroth. Even Hojo calls him a failure. Cloud feels like a nobody. Now mentally weakened, under the influence of jenova cells, he gives Sephiroth the black materia AGAIN, and meteor is summoned. Another entry on the long list of moments Cloud can look back on in shame later on in life. He falls into the lifestream and again his psyche is under attack. We know what happens afterwards, Tifa finds him, cares for him, and saves him through his feelings for her. Cloud realizes who he is, realizes he's weak, and goes after Sephiroth without lying to himself. In the end he defeats Sephiroth mentally and is supposedly rid of his direct influence.

But that doesn't mean that this mentally 17 year old is now fine, we should remember these events when analyzing ACC. Cloud has been in constant fighting/war/peril ever since he left home as a child, and is now a traumatized 17 year old in a 21 year olds body. Novels and other materials give us an insight into how Cloud thinks during these times, and how he thinks about himself. We hear him say that he's going to live because that's the only way he can atone for his sins. He talks about wanting to change, and about believing he can change because he now has Tifa. He's a man (boy) who just exited war, and wants to be positive, but is still clearly blaming himself. We see that this initially goes well, we are told that Cloud experiences peace and happiness that he's never experienced before. We're also told about the things that make it go badly, when he has to deliver flowers to the ancient city for instance. While Cloud regained the sense of who he was the belief that he wasn't good enough, that he was a failure, was never solved, if anything it was put on hold until he got his memories back, and now he is forced to deal with it.

While he is no longer directly manipulated by Sephiroth he's still suffering from PTSD and, most notably, survivors guilt. He blames himself for the deaths of Zack and Aerith in particular, and starts visiting the church. Now most people might think it's natural to avoid places that make you feel bad about yourself, but that's not how a depressed person thinks, Cloud thinks he deserves to feel badly he WANTS to punish himself, he WANTS to feel bad. He's ashamed of the moments where he's carefree and laughing with Tifa. Why should he get to be happy when Aerith and Zack are dead because of him? He shouldn't be happy, he should be in pain, he should remember them, not doing so would be an insult to their memories, he must never forget how he failed them! That's how Cloud is thinking. We know of course that this is non-sense, Aerith and Zack wouldn't want this, if anything it's this mindset that is tarnishing the memories of Aerith and Zack, but that's not how a mentally unwell person thinks. Cloud wants to atone, and thinks he finds salvation in Denzel, whom he finds at Aeriths church. He thinks that by saving this life, he can, in some way, make up for all the death he caused. Tifa has a similar belief when she finds out Denzels parents died in the plate crash. And when Denzel joins the family, and Cloud has path towards redemption in his mind, things start getting better again. Because this is the cause of the problems Cloud is having in ACC. When Nojima says:

first off, there’s the premise that things won’t go well between Tifa and Cloud, and that even without Geostigma or Sephiroth this might be the same

This is the conflict he's talking about, he's not saying "Tifa and Cloud are incompatible, it has nothing to do with Sephiroth", he's saying "if Sephiroth didn't show up during Advent children, Cloud and Tifa would still be having problems because Cloud is going through survivors guilt."

But the good times don't last, Denzel has Geostigma and Cloud cannot find a cure, Denzel....is going to die. Cloud, has failed again. Not only that, but Cloud catches Geostigma....Cloud is going to die. And THIS is why Cloud leaves in Advent children. And you have to look at this as Cloud. Cloud said he was going to live to atone for his sins, but instead he's going to die. He won't atone for his sins, even worse, he's going to leave Tifa and Marlene behind. He failed again. He couldn't protect Denzel, he potentially brought an infectious disease into their house as well. Literally all Cloud can think about is that literally everything he's ever tried has ended in failure, everyone he's ever tried to protect, he's failed at. Do you understand how easy it would be for a person like this to fall into the trap of thinking "I deserve to die", "I don't want Tifa and Marlene to see me die", "Tifa and Marlene are better off without me anyway", "they'd be happier if I weren't here". Etc. Now we know this is nonsense, but come on, how many instances have you heard of depressed people genuinely believing that their loved ones would be happier and better off if they just didn't exist? However, throughout the movie, Zack, Tifa, and Aerith, all confront Cloud, and urge him to not give up. Cloud eventually does try again, and ultimately finds redemption not by being stuck in the past, but by letting the past rest and be beautiful (a lesson Cleriths unfortunately never learned). "I never blamed you you know, not once" "I want to be forgiven. By who?" "Isn't it about time you did the forgiving?" In the end, Cloud moves on, and therefore, so do Zack and Aerith. Aerith and Zack walk into the light, Cloud plants flowers on Zacks grave, and lets Zacks buster sword rest in Aeriths church, now no longer rusting, but shining. Instead of the past being a negative reminder, Cloud lets the past be beautiful. Cloud was doing Aerith and Zack a disservice by remembering them the way he did, because it was ruining his life, it wasn't a good thing, but it did come from a good place, from a good man whose ashamed of not being good enough. Yes, it harmed Tifa, people going through these things often do hurt those around them, but it's not because they're bad people, or even weak, but because people are imperfect and Cloud has gone through hell, both internally, and externally. Are his actions really that weird or deplorable? "He didn't even go save the kids!" Yes, he's hesitant about saving the kids, why shouldn't he be? Everyone Cloud tried to protect or save, ended up maimed or worse, or as Cloud puts it: "I can't even save myself". "He left Tifa alone!" Yes, he thinks he's going to waste away and die, can you blame him for not wanting to put Tifa through that and for thinking she'd be better off without him? "He drinks!" Wouldn't you?! Who wouldn't want to forget that stuff? But in the end, He's only gone for about a week, he never intended to harm Tifa, he never physically harmed Tifa or cheated on her, his entire life revolved around wanting to be better for Tifa and blaming himself when he wasn't good enough, how is it reasonable to say this man takes Tifa for granted when the fact that he thinks he has to BE BETTER in order to be worthy of being with her has been a constant throughout his entire life and story? He DOESN'T take Tifa for granted, that's why he's beating himself up, that's why he leaves, not because he thinks he's better than her, or that he'll always have her, or that she'll follow him like a dog, or something like that. But because of the opposite, because he thinks HE is not good enough, that SHE would be better of without him. Saying Cloud takes Tifa for granted, is honestly, simply, wrong. It's 180 degrees the opposite of what is happening in FFVII, the biggest constant in Clouds life, is that he doesn't take Tifa for granted, and I don't understand how anyone could argue otherwise.

#cloti #FFVII #ffvii crisis core #ffvii advent children #ffvii remake

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kumeko · 3 years

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A/N: For the @ouranzine Flowers of the Host Club! I got overly ambitious with this piece, and the idea was too big for the word count. I do like the idea still.

…

Hikaru was used to seeing strange sights on a daily basis. It was the selling point of their club, the ability to transport their guests to different worlds, change seasons, and perform magic. He had ridden elephants to school, created an indoor jungle, and discovered there were very few things that couldn’t be done without money and an Ootari.

Very few. Sometimes he worried that world domination was the next logical step.

Either way, by this point, he didn’t think he could be surprised anymore. Yet standing here in his classroom, staring at Haruhi’s desk, he discovered that he was utterly wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. With ten minutes left before lunch ended, students slowly trickled into the classroom around him. The ordinary framing made the sight before him even more extraordinary. Rubbing his eyes, he asked, “You see it too, Kaoru?”

“I do. I don’t believe it though.” Next to him, Kaoru squeezed his eyes shut before slowly opening them again. When the sight before them didn’t change, he pinched his cheek. “This isn’t a dream.”

Hikaru clicked his teeth. “That was the only explanation. Unless…” He paused dramatically and covered his mouth with a trembling hand. “It’s an illness?”

Kaoru’s eyes widened and he pressed his palm against his forehead. “Terminal?”

Grimly, he nodded. “Possibly.”

“No!” Kaoru leaned against him, trembling. “It can’t be—”

“You know I can hear you, right?” Haruhi cut in dryly, resting her cheek on her hand as she stared up at them. Seated at her desk, she gestured at the clock. “Don’t you need to get to your seats?”

“And she’s worried about us! Her!” Hikaru wiped a tearful eye. Leaning forward, he squeezed her shoulder and gave her a pitying smile. “You don’t have to be so brave for us. You can let us know how you really feel.”

“Trust me, I do.” Haruhi sighed, running a hand through her hair. Giving a troubled sigh, she accepted her lot in life and gave in. “What are you talking about?”

Wearing matching identical grins, Hikaru and Kaoru pointed at the small bouquet of roses balanced precariously on the edge of her desk. At least a dozen long-stemmed red roses poked out of pink wrapping paper. “Who’s that for?”

“None of your business,” she answered immediately, adjusting the bouquet so it rested more securely on her desk. With a tender smile, she patted the bundle.

That abrupt brush off just made him more curious. Undeterred, Hikaru pressed, “Is it a lover?”

“No—”

With a teasing grin, Kaoru guessed, “Multiple lovers?”

“Definitely not.” She massaged her forehead, her frown deepening. “I can barely handle you guys as it is.” As though she just realized something, Haruhi froze and her skin paled.

“What’s wrong?” Hikaru asked, as though he didn’t know exactly what was on her mind. Or rather, the five somethings on her mind.

Slowly, like a broken robot, she turned to them. She looked both silly and cute and he stifled a laugh. “You’re not going to tell Tamaki, are you?”

“Milord?” Kaoru gasped. “You’re right, he certainly does have to know about this.”

Haruhi looked at Hikaru pleadingly. Instantly, he felt his skin flush and she had to be doing it on purpose, right? She had to know what she did to him, right? Kaoru smirked at him from over her head and Hikaru sighed before relenting. “Well, maybe if we had a bribe…”

“A bribe?” Haruhi blinked before clapping her hands. “Got it.” Gently, she extracted two roses from her bouquet and held them out. “Will this do?”

The oblivious smile on her face said it all: she had no idea what this looked like. Haruhi was a weapon just waiting to go off, with all of her natural flirting. Her rose dangled in front of him innocently. Well, a flower was a flower, and he could deal with it. In fact—as a thought struck him, he looked up and exchanged glances with his brother.

They could have a lot of fun with this.

“We’ll take it.”

-x-

If the sight earlier was an unexpected one, this next one was anything but. Kaoru stared blankly at the corner of the music room, where a dark gloom had set in. Tamaki was crouched in the corner, drawing circles on the ground with a finger. If he listened closely, Kaoru was certain he’d hear the soft mumbling of a lunatic.

He’d heard it often enough from his brother as Hikaru realized that his feelings might be more than a crush.

“What’s wrong, milord?” Kaoru asked, dropping his school bag and trotting over to Tamaki’s right.

“H-haruhi…” Tamaki mumbled, looking up all teary-eyed.

“What about her?” Hikaru asked, standing on his left.

“She’s…she’s…” Tamaki warbled, a fresh set of tears forming in his eyes. He wiped them with a sleeve and wailed, “She’s abandoning me!”

They turned around to where Honey and Mori were sipping tea, looking utterly nonchalant. “Haruhi didn’t come for lunch,” Honey explained, looking a little disappointed himself.

“She’s also not joining us today,” Kyoya said and Kaoru had to fight the urge to jump. The shadow king had an alarming ability to disappear and suddenly reappear.

“WHAT?” Tamaki’s jaw fell and an incoherent stream of sounds escaped his mouth.

Kaoru raised a brow. So she’d cleared it with Kyoya first, then. Judging by his expression, the slightly amused curl of his lips, he probably knew exactly what was going on. Hell, he probably knew about the flowers too. In that case, though, he wouldn’t mind them having a little fun with it. Resting a hand on Tamaki’s shoulder, he smiled gently. “Haruhi has a good reason.”

“She does?” Tamaki’s eyes grew wide and he looked up at him hopefully.

“A very good reason,” Hikaru continued, grasping Tamaki’s other shoulder.

As though rehearsed, they both added, “She’s giving someone a bouquet of flowers.”

Tamaki nodded. “Okay. That makes sense—” Cutting himself off, he looked from one twin to the other desperately. “What?”

“She got them at lunch,” Hikaru mentioned idly.

Kaoru crossed his arms. “And she wouldn’t tell us who they’re for.”

“WHAT?” Tamaki yelped, jumping to his feet. “DADDY DOESN’T APPROVE OF ANY BOYS.”

Trying not to grin, Kaoru nodded to Hikaru. It’d only take one more push. One more really easy push. Together, they pulled out their roses. “She gave us one though.”

Kaoru could hear the straw snapping. Tamaki moved from rage to jealousy. “She gave you flowers?” He twiddled his fingers. “She’d give me flowers too, right? As her daddy, I get one, right?”

“Of course, milord,” Kaoru lied, patting him on the back.

“I want one too!” Honey swiped the last cookie and swung off his seat.

Kaoru exchanged a smirk with his brother. Sometimes, it was all too easy.

-x-

There were many ways a matter like this ought to be handled. Delicately, since Haruhi never liked it when they focused all of their attentions on her. Subtly, because she wasn’t supposed to know what they were after. Individually, since they didn’t want to overwhelm her.

Tamaki, of course, threw all of that out the window. The second he spotted Haruhi in the hallway, he charged like a bull in the china shop. “WHO IS HE?”

Reportedly, the desperate screech of a terrified not-father was heard all around the world.

As they were all good friends, the host club understood that this was who Tamaki was and that while he remained a dense brick about his feelings, this was the only way he could deal with the muddled emotions buried deep in his heart. There was something sad and poetic about it.

It was also terribly amusing to watch Haruhi assassinate him with her response and they didn’t want to interfere with that at all.

-x-

Their school was a strange one, Honey knew. The seasons changed yet no one aged, the grounds had room for every type of scenery conceivable, and the hallways extended as long as narratively convenient. As long as he waited in a hallway, Haruhi had to go past him at some point.

Almost as though on cue, he heard a soft tapping as Haruhi walked down the hall. Clutching his Bun-Bun close, Honey skipped over to her, a bright smile on his face. “Haruhi!”

Surprised, Haruhi stopped in her tracks. “Honey?”

Standing in front of her, he clutched his rabbit and stared up with big, teary eyes. “You’re not coming to the club today?”

“I…” Bingo. While Haruhi might not be all that feminine or tapped into her motherly instincts, Honey prided himself in being able to find even the most dormant of instincts and pry them out. Haruhi rubbed the back her neck, giving him an apologetic look. “I can’t today.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Honey sighed, rocking back and forth on his feet. He stared at the ground. “I had dessert ready and everything.”

Haruhi’s brow knit. Troubled, she scratched her cheek before giving up and sighing. “Maybe next time?”

“Yay.” His expression brightened and he looked up at her once more. Pointing at her flowers, he asked, “What are those for?”

“It’s nothing.” Haruhi shrugged, straightening up now. “I have to get going, okay?”

No, this wasn’t good. He hadn’t gotten the flower yet. Pushing down his panic, he shot her a winning smile. “Could I smell them?”

“What?” Haruhi raised a brow.

“They must smell nice.” Honey looked at her innocently, batting his eyes. “I can’t?”

“Ugh. No, it’s fine.” Haruhi held out the roses delicately.

“Yay!” Honey leaned forward and pulled out a rose. There, mission accomplished. Smelling it, he grinned. “It’s so sweet!”

-x-

“Alright, next is milord—” The twins stared at Tamaki, who was still sulking in a corner. “Nevermind, too much damage. Mori’s up next!”

Mori stiffened. The club’s activities were fine when they involved the other members, when it was a group thing and not an individual issue. Alone, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Especially since he was hiding at an intersection, watching Haruhi walk down the hall. Behind him, the twins and Honey were gently egging him on, trying to get him to do something. Say something.

But what?

Mori didn’t know the answer to that. He could only watch as Haruhi walked further away, cutting past another intersection. She looked to her left in surprise before disappearing around the bend. Immediately, the twins broke into laughter.

“That was even worse than milord!” Hikaru guffawed, hunched over as he laughed.

“He didn’t even try!” Kaoru added, wiping the tears from his eyes. “He just watched her go!”

“Wait!” Honey peeked around the corner and gasped. “Look!”

Mori quickly rushed to the corner. As did the rest of the host club. Honestly, it was a miracle they hadn’t been spotted before this point. “What?” he asked, steeling himself.

“Is that?” Kaoru asked, surprise colouring his tone.

Mori could only nod. Eagerly heading toward them were two small forest animals: a tanuki and a rooster. In their mouths was a single rose. The constantly fighting pair were working together for once.

A wave of love washed over him. He’d have to spoil them tonight.

-x-

Tamaki stared vacantly as he sat under the staircase. Honey had a rose. Mori had a rose. The twins had roses. Everyone but him had a rose. Well, him and Kyoya, but Kyoya didn’t seem interested. It was unfair that Tamaki alone didn’t have one. He was her father!

No, wait, that wasn’t quite right. He wasn’t here to get a rose, he was here to find out who she was meeting. Who exactly those flowers were for. There was the soft thud of footsteps and he looked up to spot Haruhi. Finally. “Haruhi,” he called out, slowly getting up.

Haruhi groaned before turning to look at him. With a deadpan expression, she asked, “Yes?”

“Haruhi, I…I..” Tamaki stared at the roses in her hand. A pang hit his chest and he clutched his shirt. Was that the pain of fatherhood? It had to be, right? “Those roses…” Standing up, he staggered toward her. “Are they for someone important?”

Instantly, Tamaki turned red. No, that wasn’t what he was supposed to ask. That wasn’t it at all. Haruhi looked at him in surprise. Her expression softened and she nodded. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Tamaki felt boneless and almost crumpled onto the ground.

“I should have realized what would happen the second the twins found out.” Haruhi sighed, pulling out a rose. She sniffed it. “I can see why you use them, they’re sweet.” Holding out the rose, she smiled at him. “They suit you.”

Tamaki blushed. “W-what?”

“Here, take it.” Gently, she pushed it into his hand. “Now you can tell them to stop bullying you, alright?”

Bullying? No, that wasn’t what this was about! Well, it did get him a rose from Haruhi, but that wasn’t the point! Who were the roses for? That’s what he had to ask. That’s what—

When he looked up, Haruhi was already gone.

-x-

Kyoya chuckled as Haruhi hastily headed toward the entrance. She looked like a woman on a mission, which, he supposed, she was. After all, the entire host club had been blocking her exit until now, a dense obstacle course that maybe he should repeat for a future host club event. Leaning against the wall, he raised a brow. “You should have known this would happen.”

“Yeah.” Haruhi didn’t look surprised to see him. He wasn’t sure if that rankled him or not. “I should have just gotten these after school.”

“Well, it was at a good discount.” He adjusted his glasses. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out a small card. “You can come here for the pictures later. In exchange, I’ll remove their proceeds from your debt.”

“Business as usual, huh?” Haruhi rolled her eyes but accepted the card nonetheless. “Still, thanks for the flowers. Oh, and here.” She pulled out a rose and held it out.

“What?” Perplexed, he looked from the rose to her.

Haruhi shrugged. “I already gave them to everyone else. It wouldn’t be fair to leave you out.”

-x-

“I’m home!” Haruhi called out, slipping off her shoes as she closed the door behind her.

Her father poked his head out of the kitchen. “Great.” His smile grew brighter at the roses in her hand. “And you got them!”

“Yeah.” Out of habit, she added dryly, “But it is a waste of money.”

“Nonsense, things for your mother are never a waste of money.” Ranka clicked his tongue, giving her a disapproving shake of his head.

She couldn’t disagree with that entirely. If there was one thing her time with the host club had taught her, it was that there were times when money had to be spent. That there were things, people, where the expense was worth it.

And her mother was definitely one of them. Approaching her mother’s altar, Haruhi gently placed the diminished bouquet of roses. “Happy birthday, mom.”

#ouran high school host club #ohshc #haruhi fujioka #tamaki suoh #hikaru hitachiin #hitachiin twins #kaoru hitachiin #kyoya ootori #takashi morinozuka #mitsukuni haninozuka #honey senpai #fanfic

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princeneito · 3 years

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I’m begging the BNHA community for good OCs. This fandom has so much potential for interesting, creative OCs and yet whenever i scroll around Instagram and whatnot i can't ever find any. So here are a few tips and tricks for good, interesting BNHA OCs {from someone who’s been making fan OCs for over seven years now}

obviously this is my opinion and I’m not stating facts, just throwing out tips from my own PoV.

number one: always, always do your research.

The quirks in BNHA are always well thought out, and always seem to follow a few unspoken rules. there are no quirks with demons or angels, and when mythical creatures are involved, {see: Ryukyu} they don’t become a gorgeous, hot dragon. Ryukyu becomes this lizard like monster. Quirks follow a level of logic most of the time, like Bakugo having nitroglycerin-like chemicals in his sweat. Aside from Deku, who has main character powers, no one has more than one Quirk. Someone who’s Quirk allows them to do multiple unrelated things also counts here. Example: the ability to manipulate fire, but also the ability to use telekinesis. Or the ability to control wind and the ability to control emotions. Linking them together under a random, usually somewhat cringe-y name like “Angelic Eyes” or “Demon Heart” isn’t going to fix that. There is no precedent for this in canon at all. Always make sure that there is some level of logic or canon information that can back your Quirk up. Deku is always going to be the exception because he’s the main character.

Telekinetic characters are a grab-bag. Yanagi from Class-B is telekinetic, she can move objects with her mind. So while there is precedent of this sort of Quirk existing in canon, this is also just proof that this Quirk already exists. I touch on Quirks similar to canon Quirks below. Next, be sure to research existing quirks. No more OCs with illusion creation Quirks {Camie has that}, or copy Quirks {Monoma}. We already know that Quirks are almost always hereditary, or biological in some way, and two people with similar or near-identical Quirks are amazingly rare. Make sure your OC doesn’t have a Quirk too similar to a pre-existing canon character.

Also, make sure to look into the world around your OC. If Shinso, someone who’s Quirk is useless against robots, didn’t make it into the Hero course, then an OC with healing powers is most likely not going to make it either. It’s already bending canon to put your OC into Class A at all {although that can be forgiven because of plot}, don’t try to push it any more than that. It’s already an unspoken rule of OC making in general to not make them related to an existing character. No more Deku’s secret twin sister or Aizawa’s long-lost daughter. If it’s canon that they have no direct relatives, then leave that be.

Japanese people do not have white/western names.

If your OC is meant to be a Japanese person, born and raised in Japan {like most of the cast of BNHA is}, then they’re not going to be names Erin, or Belle, or James. Horikoshi puts a lot of thought into the names of his characters. They always have a deeper meaning, usually relating to their Quirk in some way.

For the heaven’s sake, give them a personality.

I completely understand wanting a self-insert character to make your feel like you’re in the canon of the show. But having a 2D character with a blank canvas for a personality just so you can roleplay as them is tired, and I figured we left that back in 2012. I understand that on platforms like Instagram, a powerful but “simple” character who’s only defining traits are nice and sweet is great for marketing because your audience can put themselves in the OCs shoes, but it’s just painful from an outside point of view. If you want to make a self-insert, at the very least give them your personality. Are you a quippy, funny kid with a tendency to goof off? Fine, assign those traits to your OC. But give them your flaws, too. Maybe you don’t take stuff seriously when you should, or you tend to lose attention really quick. Give that to your OC too. Don’t be afraid to make your OC human. However, when making your OC’s personality, remember that in the BNHA canon, Quirks affect the personality of the character. Bakugo and Todoroki are the most obvious examples. So if your OC has a light-related Quirk, maybe make them bright and exuberant, or loud and cheery. Leave Dementia Raven Way in the past. Edgy OC’s were very 2010′s-ish. Leave your daddy-issues, super edgy, demon-quirk in the drafts, or update them to feel less like an emo chick stereotype. Unless you’re only working for yourself, let them not be an edgy boring mess. ??? as a replacement for Quirk names are not cool or edgy.

It’s not interesting to give your OC a crazy cool or edgy-looking Quirk and leave the name blank, like they’re just so mysterious and dark that even the high school they applied to doesn’t know their Quirk name. It’s just an odd plothole that makes no sense.

Keep canon characters characterized properly.

This is the part that will most likely get me flamed. But here goes:

Bakugo isn’t going to fall for your uwu girl babie OC, your over-the-top edgy OC, or even the cold, too-cool-for-love type. Todoroki is not going to fall head over heels and start buying your OC everything, smiling often, or giving them hugs and kisses all the time.

Let me debunk these bit by bit: soft uwu baby OCs are pushovers in Bakugo’s eyes. Super-edgy OCs are tryhards, or they get in his way. Cold, cool types are probably just going to get in his way, too.

Making Bakugo a blushy tsundere is not keeping him canon. Todoroki the shy soft boy is not keeping him canon.

I focus a lot on Bakugo because he’s the one most OCs ship with. Here’s more. He’s not going to call something cute or adorable, he’s not going to blush at your OC’s exposed tits or ass. He’s not going to buy your OC food or give them hugs. He’s not like that. If anything, a relationship in high school is just going to get in the way of being Number One.

That’s just a few pointers I have lying around. I’d be more than happy to beta-read for OCs, or give out some tips and tricks more tailored to your OC. But for now, I guess stick to this list, and keep it up.

#bnha oc #mha oc #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #anime oc #bnha original character #mha original character #bnha oc art #mha oc art #bnha x oc #mha x oc #bakugo x oc #bakugo katsuki x oc

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404-not-found-xix · 3 years

Text

Head-cannon List

Includes:

Host Elliot Alderson, Mastermind, Mr. Robot, Darlene Alderson, Tyrell Wellick, and Joanna Wellick

Mastermind/Host Elliot Alderson:

- Elliot was and still is a fan of 90′s experimental electronic music. He enjoys artists like: Tangerine Dream, Aphex Twin, and The Field.

- If he had a favorite artist, it would be the video artist Nam June Paik. He’s a pioneer of video art, blending ideas about identity, culture, technology, and communication together. There’s some other video artists out there he really love, but he has a soft spot for Paik. When he was a kid and stumbled into an art museum, he was blown away. He never thought about combining technology and art in that way. It stuck with him.

- He also enjoys Bruce Nauman. His work explores the idea of human performance in American society.

- Tron and Blade Runner are some of his favorite childhood movies. Blockbuster was one of their favorites stores to go to as kids.

- He’s not a fan of gory movies unless they’re so fake it’s cheesy.

- He really doesn’t enjoy being scared. He would yell at Darlene when she would try and spook him as a kid. It messed with his DID symptoms.

- When his DID was first expression itself, it was very emotionally disruptive for him. Sometimes he would teeter between emotional repression, dissociation, and a mental break down. Host Elliot Alderson would try and keep these emotions private- hidden away from his sister and mother.

- Host was very fearful of his own emotions. And afraid it would make Darlene upset, the one person he truly, truly cared about. He wanted to protect her from himself.

- Host decides to tell Darlene about his sexual abuse once he is an adult. This all happens after S4 as he starts to unpack everything that happened last year. Krista is crucial in this process, as he begins to work with and talk to his alters in the same room.

- Host still has social anxiety/issues after S4, but slowly he learns to make peace with his/alters actions and forgive them. He eventually becomes the quiet social introvert he was meant to be and becomes happy with his life.

- Host likes Macs. The alters poke fun at him and give him shit sometimes for it but stands firm. “The layout is streamlined and easy to use”. Mastermind and Mr. Robot both roll their eyes. They’re hardcore Linux stans.

- All the Alters are still around, but they co-exist with the host. They’re there if he calls upon them, or they sit around if they think Host needs it. Sometimes they like to pop out and hang out, have a cup of imaginary coffee or cigarette. They keep eachother company.

- Alters don’t take over Hosts body out of respect and their love for him. They are guardians for the person they hold precious.

Darlene Alderson:

- Was a rebellious party grunge girl in high school. She battled between wanting to be a normal, happy girl, and wanting an escape from her troubled home. Going at a night became an easy way to do this. She went on late night drives, smoking pot out in the woods, and doing shrooms once in a while. She has taken adderall to stay awake at school. It worked for a while, she was messed up during messed up times. It doesn’t make her a messed up person.

- She didn’t try cocaine until almost the end of high school.

- She actually has a soft spot for plushies but doesn’t normally buy them. But boy are they cute!

- Prefers gummy bears with her fro-yo. Usually adds waffle cone pieces to her mix.

- She is a loyal buyer of camel Turkish gold cigarettes. Menthol’s during the summer.

- A fan of Daft Punk, but has since moved on with EDM scene to keep up with the times. Her brother? Totally out of sync. He’s too rebellious to want to like current music. He’d rather stick to lesser-known, more eccentric music.

- Secretly had feelings for Angela Moss as a kid. She kept it to herself because her friendship for her and her bother meant the world to her. She didn’t want to let that go, especially since they’ve been friends since childhood. She knew she would find love elsewhere later on in life.

- Darlene hasn’t dated a girl before, but she wants too. Her flings never stuck, and sometimes, it’s easier to catch tail from a guy than it is a girl. There’s more straight men out there, it’s easy pickin’.

- She wishes she’d get married to a women. She wants to continue growing this side of herself. And, women are beautiful, sweet, and incredible people. And, they get each other. They know what it’s like being a queer women in a gross heteronormative cisgender world !

- Is very bisexual. She doesn’t really care what’s in your pants, she cares about the heart of the person and if she’s attracted to them.

- Supports Host’s “Pro-Mac” stance. Iphones are better to hack with, they’re faster than an Android. But she uses a non-Mac laptop for hacking. She prefers a customized step-up.

Tyrell Wellick (if still alive):

- Has bipolar disorder that hasn’t been clinically diagnosed. Throughout the show he expresses major mood swings, decreased need for sleep, increased self-esteem/grandiosity, increased goal-activity, agitation, and engages in self destructive behavior. Bipolar disorder often has a manic/depressive swing to the person’s behavior, but not all people exhibit depressive episodes. Tyrell has this, and clearly isn’t on any medication either. The man was so hyper focused on being the next CTO, he thought this was fine. It’s apart of the stress, the life, and the consequences of his choices. He’s a business man.

- Wellick just switched from a KDE system to a GNOME.

- He supports whatever Host’s want. He’s still kinda crushed that the Elliot he knew is an alter. But at least he has a second change with this ‘Host’ Elliot. He seems a lot calmer and is happier than the others. For that, he is joyful.

- Is bisexual with an inclination for men. Also, attracted to people who are strong and assert their power. That’s how he and Joanna got along so well.

- Still loves his son very much and is very upset that Joanna’s family has taken his son from him. He’s working on himself and his career, to prove to them he can be a good father and raise him. He’s made a clear shift from prioritizing his work life, to his personal life.

#Okay #this is a good crack at headcanons #mr. robot #elliot alderson #mastermind #darlene alderson #tyrell wellick #joanna wellick #excuse my spelling mistakes #host elliot alderson #headcanon

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avatar-index · 3 years

Text

Statement 12471113

Robotboy is an Extension (Avatar?) of the Stranger.

No, no, no, no; I said it twice, and nothing is stopping me from saying it a third or even a fourth time: just because something is tied to machinery of any kind, robots especially, it does not mean that they are automatically predisposed to the Extinction. Dekker, ily, but man, you really narrowed down your search for proof of that entity’s existence with this one. Technology is just another way which the entities feed through, and the Stranger is no exception to that.

Created by Prof. Moshimo, Robotboy is one prototype among several other bots that was built as a force to protect mankind, and is equipped with the most advanced technology there was in Moshimo’s hands- including a chip that allows Robotboy to process emotions of his own and act on his own volition; much like a human child. In spite of this, it is apparent that Robotboy has little to no idea of how human interactions tend to go, much less their set of moralities, making him naive to the obviously crooked intentions of others around him.

Another problem begins to arise when Dr. Kamikaze comes to play; unlike Moshino, Kamikaze’s plans are far from noble, as he intends on capturing Robotboy not just to control him, but to duplicate his design and create an army of robots like him and bring all of humanity down to their knees towards him. This, when combined with the above issue of RB being as innocent as a child can be, is nothing short of a recipe for disaster, and Moshimo was as aware as ever of it.

Eventually, after he had received Tommy’s message of praise and inquiry, Moshimo dropped a bombshell on the kid; that he needs to be Robotboy’s lens to see how a child like him interacts with the world, so that he can, hopefully, learn and assimilate what lessons are there to be learned- to know right from wrong, while becoming something akin to a “real boy” in the process.

Though Robotboy could never become an actual human with flesh and bone, something that tends to tear him apart when facing that fact, the best he can do is to learn how to operate as one and how he can think for both himself and the better of humanity. Aside from identity issues and never knowing exactly who or what is around you, the idea of beings looking almost too human, but are steps short of becoming actual people, is another key aspect of the Stranger.

Also, aside from the aforementioned Kamikaze, an uncannily amount of villains have also expressed the similar desire to capture Robotboy, copy his design, and create one for themselves for their own reasons, which really hammers down that Stranger alignment even further. Granted, if I can recall correctly, they are just 2 when not counting Kamikaze, but it’s weird that it’s that much.

#TMA #The Magnus Archives #Robotboy #Avatar of the Stranger #TMA The Stranger #The Stranger #Extension of the Stranger #Longer statements #A; The Stranger #Archivist Quanta

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maxknightley · 5 years

Note

"Re: The third point, I could go on about the specific example of Dragon Quest and how I think Undertale works best when read as a response to that franchise + similar series in particular" do you think you could find the time to elaborate?

Fair warning. This one is a bit long.

Let’s talk about Dragon Quest.

Overview

The Dragon Quest series of games (originally localized as Dragon Warrior in the U.S. due to a copyright/trademark issue) is pretty much one of the “Big Two” JRPG franchises alongside Final Fantasy. It’s extremely big in Japan, while enjoying more moderate success in the United States.

I’m not going to go into too much detail comparing the two or talking about their history, but I think it’s relevant to note that Dragon Quest games tend to be straightforward, high-fantasy stories in a way that a lot of beloved JRPGs (Final Fantasy included) aren’t. You’ll fight a robot from time to time, but sci-fi elements beyond that are rare; explicit social commentary/allegory is extremely rare; the plot rarely becomes especially bizarre or complex, with the narratives tending to rely a lot on characterization to make an impact; and so on.

(I should note that none of this is a bad thing, per se - I love Dragon Quest games. DQ8 and DQ11 are some of my favorite RPGs of all time, in large part because of their gorgeous settings and excellent character work, and I’ve played a fair few!)

Monsters

With that being said, if you know anything about JRPGs, you probably know how the player spends most of their time in a Dragon Quest game - going from town to town and dungeon to dungeon, fighting a wide array of whimsical monsters. (big ups to Akira Toriyama for his excellent character designs, with the exception of the Cyclowns, which I hate a lot.) There’s sidequests and minigames and such, but by and large, this is how the player interacts with the world - find monsters, fight monsters, get strong enough to fight the Big Boy monsters, maybe halfway through you start fighting the occasional anime boy or possessed dog.

The role that monsters play in the narrative is also, for the most part, very simple: they’re almost exclusively the minions of either the local boss/miniboss, or of the big mean demon lord you fight at the end of the game, and pretty much all they do is terrorize villagers, cause mayhem, and so on.

Note that I said almost exclusively...

“Don’t worry, I’m a nice monster!”

...because in basically every Dragon Quest game, some monsters are chill and friendly. Most commonly, this will be a slime, the franchise mascot:

Sometimes they’ll show up at the bottom of a well and give you a trinket for talking to them, other times they’ll hang out in a dungeon and give you some lore or a hint about a nearby puzzle. They say a lot of things like “goo-ness gracious” and it’s very cute and charming, and, uh, hang on, these guys talk, and make puns, and aren’t just bags of XP and herbs? Okay. Sure.

Depending on the game, you can often encounter other monster friends as well. Sometimes there’ll be a town with friendly monster NPCs to talk to; other times, beating monsters allows you to recruit them to your party or your Monster Arena team. It’s neat.

But what never changes is that it’s some monsters that are nice. A tiny minority. And they’re only ever a curiosity, a side note. They’re the exception that proves the rule, and the rule wants to kill you.

Which brings me to:

The One Guy Who Isn’t Evil

There’s a thing that a lot of speculative fiction does where cultures are set up as broad and all-encompassing. These are the Primitive But Kind Bear Goblins, and over here are the Mafia Slugs. These are the Prissy Forest Guys, and they hate the Gruff Cave Guys.

This isn’t necessarily bad writing, but it can be a bit repetitive and one-note after a while, so a lot of speculative fiction also has The One Guy Who Isn’t Like That. The illogical robot, the pacifistic/intellectual barbarian, the pragmatic and materialistic guy who bailed on the monastery.

And, of course, The One Guy Who Isn’t Evil. The vampire who doesn’t drink human blood. The dark elf paladin. That one dragon from Skyrim with the cool speech. They’re very useful characters, in that they soften the Troubling Implications of an entire species or ethnicity of bastards, and there’s a lot of cool stories you can tell about their conflict with family and former friends, and perhaps even... with themselves... with the beast within.

At the core of these stories is the assumption that a creature capable of thinking independently and acting on their own free will can always choose to be good, regardless of their “nature.”

But this goes both ways. If something is capable of choosing to be “good,” or even “nice,” they have to be able to conceive of these concepts. To make that choice. They can’t truly be Made Of Pure Evil, or be beasts acting on instinct, or be slaves to the will of a much more powerful entity.

Are Slimes People?

So, in the example of Dragon Quest, we’ve reached a conundrum. Some monsters - very few, but some - are nice, or at least open to conversation. Most are only there to, pardon the phrasing, kill or be killed.

Which means there’s basically two main possibilities:

Some slimes are nice and they’re always already nice. They attacked you first so it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.

Slimes are definitely all thinking, feeling beings, and it’s probably a little fucked up to kill a bunch of them because you’re saving up money for the casino, even if they “attacked you first” after you spent a half hour running in circles, Erdrick.

The first one works fine for the context of a story like Dragon Quest, because we can employ suspension of disbelief. But it kind of unravels if you look at it for too long. In some installments, there are evil but non-hostile monsters who won’t attack you, but will deliver a whole little monologue about how cool Lord Merdur of Fort Finalboss is. And, hey, what causes a monster to decide to be nice instead of evil?

For the most part, we never learn, because it doesn’t matter. The Nice Monster is a throwaway character, usually a bit of a joke. They’re there for flavor, not because of what their existence implies.

And that’s kind of weird, right?

Undertale As Response

It’s obvious how Undertale works as a critique on level grinding and the like, but this alone would be kind of facile, imo. People will say, “well, that monster was trying to kill me, so I acted in self-defense. It’s only fair.” And it can be difficult to argue against this without getting into weird arguments about monsters’ Actual Motivations or the relative negative utility of thousands being imprisoned beneath a mountain vs. seven children being killed.

Here’s the thing that I think a lot of people ignore, though. Undertale is also a critique of the idea that Some Monsters Are Nice, as seen in Dragon Quest and similar games. And part of why that critique works is because it does not allow you to set up a dividing line. All those monsters have a place in Underground society - you can’t simply write some off as Fights while viewing others as worthy of kindness or redemption.

If you spare Toriel and Papyrus, because they’re nice and well-meaning... then how can you justify killing Undyne and Mettaton, who are kind of assholes, but have good intentions, and are pillars of the community?

If you spare Undyne and Mettaton, how could you justify killing Whimsun, who’s terrified of you? Or Temmie, who’s just kind of scatterbrained and weird? Or Snowdrake, who constantly tells bad jokes, just like your friend Sans would if you had to fight him?

So how could you justify killing Tsundereplane and Vulkin, so desperate for affection?

So how could you justify killing Muffet, so desperate to save her family and friends?

And so on, and so on, until we reach Moldsmal.

Oh! That One’s A Slime! Is Maxie Tying It All Together?

Trying to, anyway.

This is Moldsmal and Moldbygg. They’re called that because they’re Jell-O Mould monsters.

Moldsmal just kind of sits there, lazily firing bullets. Its description says it has “no brains.” If any monster is okay to kill, it’s this one, right?

Moldbygg pretends to be a Moldsmal, but is actually big. It also has explicit boundaries and preferences: It does not want to be hugged. You spare it by Not Hugging it. It’s goofy, but still: Moldbygg, explicitly, has thoughts and emotions.

And if it’s not okay to kill Moldbygg, how the hell are you going to justify killing Moldsmal? They’re both slimes! They’re practically identical! Maybe they have family reunions where instead of eating the Jell-O one of them just sits on the dining table! You don’t know!!

So Here’s My Thesis On The Morality of Undertale Or Whatever

Fundamentally, the commentary Undertale is making on the idea of the “nice monster,” the “recruitable monster,” the “monster town,” is this:

If one monster can be your friend, is there actually a reason all of them can’t be?

And it says “no, what, that’s dumb,” and I don’t think it’s wrong to do so. Viewing Undertale specifically with this additional context, of the weird push-and-pull certain RPGs have between “that’s a monster! kill it for loot!” and “okay well not that monster,” shores up the related critique of XP grinding by rooting it in a more specific moral core.

Anyway I hope that all made sense, I’m gonna go eat exactly one maraschino cherry and have a glass of water

#ask #anon #undertale #dragon quest #long post #this is a bit meandering but i hope y'all enjoy it regardless

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themattress · 4 years

Text

Danganronpa Chapter Ranking

Ranking all 18 chapters across the three games.

First, I will rank each corresponding chapters over one another.

Chapter 1:

1. Welcome to Dangan Island + Destination Despair (DR2)

DR2 is the technical best of the series and it definitely has the strongest opening. While I actually prefer DR1′s prologue, DR2 definitely ups the stakes when it comes to the actual introductory murder mystery, creating a spooky nighttime locked room situation right off the bat and keeping you guessing as to how the murder went down. The high point, of course, is the revelation of Nagito’s true nature, which let you know that this is a guy to watch out for.

2. Welcome to Despair + To Survive (DR1)

Like I said, the prologue to DR1 is my favorite one - just the opening scene alone perfectly sets the tone for all that’s to follow, I also really enjoy getting to explore the school and interacting with the adorable Sayaka Maizono. The problem with this chapter is when Sayaka gets killed. Not only is the investigation a very standard one, but the mystery is too easily solved - Sayaka even wrote her killer’s freaking name down and most players will figure that out well before any of the characters do! I know this is the first case and all, but come on!

3. Ultimate Revival + My Class Trial, Our Class Trial (DRV3)

If DR1′s first chapter problem was being too easy to solve, this one’s problem is that it’s impossible to solve because the game withholds the key evidence for the sake of a twist - evidence that exposes the female protagonist you are playing as, Kaede, as the culprit! It’s a shame - despite some issues here and there (goddamn Monokubs...), I was liking the atmosphere this chapter was setting up with its ticking clock factor, the Ultimate Academy was well designed and kept distinct from Hope’s Peak, and Kaede was a wonderful, lovable protagonist the likes of which we hadn’t seen before in this series. But that one ending twist which results in her getting taken from us in favor of some dude ruins the whole chapter.

Chapter 2:

1. Boy’s Life of Despair (DR1)

Only DR1 manages to have its second chapter be an improvement over the first: with not only expansions on all of the characters and even the school itself, but a mystery that isn’t so easily solved because a certain rich douchebag deliberately tampered with the crime scene in order to make the case more challenging. The only mark I have against this one is the weird gender politics at play, and even then it’s not insulting or anything: Mondo’s toxic masculinity is even highlighted as his fatal flaw. And of course, this chapter gave us Genocide Jack. WIN.

2. Sea and Punishment, Sin and Coconuts (DR2)

While a step down from the preceding chapter, it’s not by much: this is still a quality chapter with quality character and plot development and a quality murder mystery. My biggest gripes are that it becomes obvious who the culprit is early into the trial and how they committed the murder but it takes a long time for the characters to decide on those things. If that wasn’t enough, the revelation of the killer’s motives is ridiculous, with two shocking swerves on top of each other, one of them a lie and the other one the truth. The actual scene leading to the execution, however, more than makes up for that with how emotional it is, with one of Derek Stephen Prince’s best performances in his career as Fuyuhiko reveals his inner vulnerability.

3. A Thin Line Divides Heaven and Hell (DRV3)

This second chapter is a HUGE step down from the first one. Shuichi is immediately a far blander, less compelling protagonist than Kaede was, there are too many detours before the murder happens, the mystery is way too convoluted and the culprit’s motivation is an even bigger shocking swerve than DR2′s, and the execution just goes full Saw to the point of being almost too uncomfortable to watch. In the end, it doesn’t even feel like this case mattered, it was all a drawn-out way of revealing the underwhelming “twist” to Maki’s true identity which only ended up working against her character. The best part of this chapter would have to be the body discovery, which is one of the most shocking and effective in the whole series.

Chapter 3:

1. A Next Generation Legend! Stand Tall, Galactic Hero! (DR1)

Third Case Syndrome hits DR1 the least out of all the games, as despite the problem of the class trial’s pay-off not matching the intensity of the build-up, it still doesn’t cheat the player in any way. The mystery is still well designed and on paper the crime is brilliant, and even the way it falls apart in execution makes logical sense given what has been established about Celestia and Hifumi throughout the game. There’s even fun to be had in the trial given Celestia’s legendary breakdown, plus her execution being among the series’ funniest.

2. Trapped by the Ocean Scent (DR2)

I like some things about this chapter, particularly early on: Fuyuhiko’s character development, Ibuki’s concert, Nekomaru’s sacrifice, Nagito continuing to be his delightfully twisted self, and Monokuma’s hilarious “Wizard of Monomi” movie. The build-up to the body discovery with that supposed suicide video is also legitimately scary. But it all falls apart in the class trial to a comical degree, with the revelation of the culprit having so much wrong with it I hardly know where to begin. Everything about Despair Disease in general feels like filler and a way to ax off three characters that Kodaka had no idea what to do with. It’s just a glaringly bad chapter.

3. Transfer Student From Beyond the Grave (DRV3)

This is where Third Case Syndrome hits its nadir: once again some legitimately good and scary build-up (including the requisite second murder happening halfway through the investigation when you’re not expecting it to) is destroyed by a farcical class trial that is riddled with plot holes, convoluted mechanics, and random extreme character turns that makes it clear that Kodaka was just doing all this to kill off characters he felt had reached their limits rather than staying consistent with what came before. Special mention must go to Korekiyo’s motives. While Celestia and Mikan’s motives aren’t sympathetic either, there are sympathetic reasons behind them. But with Kiyo, the reasoning behind his serial killing is...incest. Literal brother-sister incest. We had a potentially interesting, creepy character in Kiyo, but he was utterly squandered and turned into one big incest/see-saw meme. Such a waste!

Chapter 4:

1. Do Ultimate Robots Dream of Clockwork? (DR2)

One of the most challenging yet also one of the most unique and rewarding chapters in the whole series. The Strawberry / Grape funhouse is the stuff of nightmares, and the game doesn’t pull any punches in how horrific the situation inside it is, with the characters slowly starving to death and with the only way out being to either kill someone or brave a creepy life-threatening escape room. Then once the murder happens you get to play as Nagito during the investigation, getting further insight into his fucked-up mind before he pulls a morbidly hilarious 180 on his attitude and becomes a total condescending jerkwad rather than a creepy self-denigrating suck-up. And the investigation and trial amounting to figuring out how the funhouse is structured and how that structure was utilized in the murder is intellectually stimulating in the best way. Add to that one of the most emotional culprit revelations and executions and you have one of the greatest chapters ever put in a mystery-solving game.

2. All*Star*Apologies (DR1)

DR2′s fourth chapter is better, but DR1′s comes extremely close. Not only is it a locked room mystery where just about everyone except the protagonist and deuteragonist are a feasible suspect which leads to the most fun, challenging and satisfying class trial in the game, but it also ends up being the story’s emotional high point. The reveal of who actually killed Sakura and why, the reasoning behind why an innocent party tried to take the blame for it, and the long-overdue uniting of the Killing Game’s participants (even Byakuya!) against their true enemy, Monokuma...it’s powerful stuff that lingers in your memory long after it’s finished.

3. Live and Let the Languid World Live (DRV3)

Now don’t get me wrong: this chapter was the best one in DRV3 since the first chapter, but I feel like it’s trying too hard to recapture the glory of the previous games’ fourth chapters and mostly failing. The virtual world and trying to figure out how it works is a blatant copy of the funhouse from DR2, except that we barely spend time in the virtual world compared to the funhouse and whereas figuring out the structure of the funhouse actually took a lot of thinking, the secret of the virtual world is painfully easy to deduce and leads to another instance of the player being several steps ahead of the characters. Kokichi as a Nagito-esque antagonist just doesn’t work and it’s frustrating to watch him play all the other characters like fiddles when it’s so transparently obvious what he is doing. Lastly, while the deaths of Sakura, Alter-Ego Chihiro, Nekomaru and Gundham were sad, there was still a note of triumph and hope in them as well. There’s none of that in the deaths of Miu, Gonta and his Alter-Ego. These deaths are just sad, depressing wastes, even moreso in retrospect after Chapter 6.

Chapter 5:

1. Smile at Hope in the Name of Despair (DR2)

Nagito was right: DR2′s Chapter 4 was merely “the opening act” for THE best chapter in both the game and the entire series. Seeing Nagito finally go full-on batshit insane and carve out a path of destruction that leads to his own death is enthralling, as is figuring out the hows and the whys of his death, peeling back the layers of his madness and malice until you arrive at the horrifying truth, all culminating in one of the most heart-wrenching moments in the series when Chiaki finally reveals the truth about herself and offers herself up as a sacrifice to stop Nagito’s heinous scheme from coming to fruition. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it! The bizarre triangular dynamic between Hajime, Chiaki and Nagito really made this game’s story as good as it is despite uneven writing early on, and this chapter is the culmination of it.

2. Voyage Without Passion or Purpose (DRV3)

When it comes to the game’s overarching story, I don’t really care much for the events that transpire in this chapter. But when taken as a stand-alone, it’s excellent. Someone has been killed and someone is responsible for it, but for the first time in the series you aren’t just unsure about the culprit, but the victim as well! To make matters worse, the culprit shows up to the class trial inside a mech suit that has a voice changer, and he keeps changing his voice between Kaito and Kokichi’s to further muddle which one of them is actually dead. And to top it all off, not even Monokuma knows the solution to this mystery and you actually have to work together with him in order to solve it! Gotta hand it to Kodaka: this move was inspired. If only I actually gave a damn about Kaito, Kokichi and Maki, this case would hit much harder.

3. 100 Mile Dash; Pain of a Junk Food Junkie (DR1)

This time, the opposite holds true: I like these events as part of the over-arching story, especially everything that happens from the execution (the scariest one in the whole game, IMO) and onward. But when taken on its own, this chapter is a mess. Not only is the mystery and trial literally contrived by Monokuma in order to set a trap for one character, but it tips its hand too early by showing the discovery of the victim’s dead body well before it’s time for that scene to happen, and the constant flashing back to Kyoko telling Makoto about the existence of Mukuro Ikusaba is somewhere between comical and infuriating. I think the worst part is that there’s no permanent consequences for anyone: nobody actually dies in this chapter! Not the supposed victim Mukuro, not Monokuma, not Kyoko and not Makoto. It even turns out that Alter-Ego Chihiro managed to kind of survive its execution in the previous chapter! WTF? We’ve spent a whole game getting used to the finality of death, but now death is cheap!

Chapter 6:

1. Ultimate Despair + Goodbye Despair High School (DR1)

I think that DR2′s final chapter is arguably better, more epic and more conclusive than DR1′s, but I still can’t help but prefer DR1′s, similar to how I prefer Phoenix Wright’s “Turnabout Goodbyes” to Trial & Tribulations’ “Bridge to the Turnabout”. Everything about the overarching story and its mystery comes together perfectly here, Junko Enoshima never had the same villainous impact that she does here, and the conclusion where Makoto saves the day by becoming the Ultimate Hope, Junko puts herself through every execution in the game, and the surviving students open the door to an uncertain yet still hopeful future is just iconic.

2. This is the End, Goodbye Academy of Despair + The Day Before the Future (DR2)

Like I said, this one might be superior on a technical level, as it pulls out even bigger plot twists, features even deeper emotions and a greater sense of closure and catharsis, has a grander sense of scope, and Junko being given an even more final defeat since she’s a villain that if you want to defeat you can’t just kill physically but spiritually as well. Chiaki’s role here especially gets me choked up, and Hajime’s narration in the epilogue is the perfect note to end the story on....both the story of DR2 and the conjoined story of DR0, DR1 and DR2.

3. Goodbye Danganronpa + Everyone’s Killing Game, Closing Ceremony (DRV3)

This is an ending that’s better watched than it is played. Watching it, it’s comedy gold in how absurd it is. But actually playing through it is a chore, and having to do such a chore for the sake of an ending that is intentionally designed to piss you off is no fun at all. While I’d say the game’s third chapter is technically worst, this one is definitely my least favorite, especially when you take that god-awful, pointless epilogue into account. Kodaka, if you want to end Danganronpa, then go all the way and end it on your terms; don’t pussy out with that crap!

And now, my final ranking of all the chapters is as follows:

1. Smile at Hope in the Name of Despair (DR2) 2. Do Ultimate Robots Dream of Clockwork (DR2) 3. All*Star* Apologies (DR1) 4. Boy's Life of Despair (DR1) 5. Welcome to Dangan Island + Destination Despair (DR2) 6. Welcome to Despair + To Survive (DR1) 7. Ultimate Despair + Goodbye Despair (DR1) 8. This is the End, Goodbye Academy of Despair + The Day Before the Future (DR2) 9. Sea and Punishment, Sin and Coconuts (DR2) 10. Voyage Without Passion or Purpose (DRV3) 11. A Next Generation Legend! Stand Tall, Galactic Hero! (DR1) 12. Live and Let the Languid World Live (DRV3) 13. Ultimate Revival + My Class Trial, Our Class Trial (DRV3) 14. Trapped by the Ocean Scent (DR2) 15. 100 Mile Dash; Pain of a Junk Food Junkie (DR1) 16. A Thin Line Divides Heaven and Hell (DRV3) 17. The Transfer Student From Beyond the Grave (DRV3) 18. Goodbye Danganronpa + Everyone's Killing Game, Closing Ceremony (DRV3)

1-9 are the “strong chapters”, while 10-18 are the “weak chapters”.

#Dangan Ronpa #Opinion #Analysis #Comparison

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dearoldtuxedo · 4 years

Text

The Love Interest

In 2017, Taft Studios hired a new screenwriter for their popular, and long-running show, The Banana Splits. Her name was Sammie Satterlee, and ever since they recruited her on the staff, she impressed the audience with her diversed setting scenarios.

Some new episodes took up morals that are rarely explored among children, and needed to be talked about more. The Sour Grape girls were given more personalities, rather than being reduced to cute, sassy dolls. She made Bingo and Drooper explicitly POC coded, so that minority children can see themselves in their favorite characters, even allowing some POC to guest star on the show. Bingo spoke Spanish occasionally, and Drooper celebrated Kwanzaa for a holiday themed episode. Stevie was also given a decent dose of character development.

Then, at that year, 2018, Sammie was ready to take on a new challenge: Introduce an LGBTQ+ character. Around this generation, a lot of children's media has been accepting of queer themes. The whole purpose was to help kids acknowledge that queer romance is just the same as the typical heterosexual romance. There is nothing inherently sexual about it.

Plus, Sammie happened to be queer herself. She grew up loving The Banana Splits throughout her childhood, and is still a fan to this day. She also grew up around a lot of homophobia at that time. Projecting sexualities/trans identities onto characters is a method of feeling more accepting, more valid. The same method queer kids on the internet use "headcanons" for. Queer children deserve representation. Sesame Street won't do it, so The Banana Splits might as well.

What better way to have one of the Bananas come out than giving them a male love interest? But, which Banana shall have a love interest? Fleegle seems too independent for a lover, regardless of what gender. Bingo prefers pranks and adventure over romance. And Snorky, even though as old as his fellow band mates, bears childlike innocence, so he's not ready for an adult love interest. The only option left was Drooper.

Yes, Drooper will work, she thought. The poor lion is considered the loser of the bunch. What if he had a sweet darling that would tell him how valid he is? Drooper's so clumsy, he's always falling down. Now, he needs someone to catch him and pick him back up on his feet. Sammie then started to sketch out her ideas.

That's when she conjured up Tux the snow leopard! Tux was short for Tucker, also defining his wardrobe, which was a tuxedo. The reason she chose a snow leopard was due to their majestic appearance, and she wanted Tux to come out as sort of a romantic gentleman. Also, because he should be a feline like Drooper. She drew out a reference concept of Tux, along with additional sketches of him and Drooper acting lovey-dovey with each other, and written a bio.

Tux was presented as a muscled man, a contrast opposite to Drooper's skinny frame. This snow leopard was purposely intended to be the hero to Drooper's damsel in distress. He sure is a handsome fella, but he's pretty dumb as well. That didn't matter. He's perfect for Drooper. Tux would be somewhat special to Drooper, like he understands him, he cherishes him, and he's willing to take a punch in the face for him.

After giving the references to Karl, and a bit of debate, the engineer decided to take a shot at it. Reading through Tux's biography, his personality and characteristics had quite interest Karl. This snow leopard certainly didn't possess the same energy as his other boys. Fleegle was the intellectual leader, Bingo was fun and energetic, Drooper was the butt of bad luck, and Snorky was the baby of the group. Tux was different. It would be quite complicated for a stoic machine to act out all these actions. Unless...

What if he gave this animatronic fully functional emotions? Karl always wanted to try something new. A robot with emotions would probably be his greatest achievement yet. No other engineer has dared to try it out. Not only will the idea be impressive, but his feelings would be very convincing.

After almost a month, Tux was completed. Although he matched his reference drawing perfectly, he appeared to be seven feet tall, instead of being two inches shorter than Drooper. Speaking of Drooper, not only were emotions installed into his databanks, but he was also programmed to fall in love with no one but said lion.

Karl decided to showcase Tux to Sammie. He then activated the mechanical snow leopard. It took some time for Tux to get into motion, but as soon as he saw those humans in sight, he stepped back nervously. He touched around at himself for a moment, and scanned his surroundings. He was now alive, and he wasn't sure how he felt about this. The animatronic walked around the room, picking up items at random. He went back to Sammie and spoke for the first time.

"Hello. I'm... I'm..."

Karl answered for him.

"Tux." "I'm Tux. Pleasure to meet you. ...I think. Say, could you tell me where am I? What is going on? What is my objective?"

Just as Sammie could say anything, the Splits had entered the room. Tux turned his attention towards them by instinct. The very sight of Drooper had already triggered him into love mode. The feeling of seeing the lion was undescribable to him, but since it's in his programming, he knew how to act. He stared at the lion for awhile, then ran over to him. Tux took his paw into his.

"Hello. I am Tux. Pardon me if this sounds so sudden, but, I love you."

The animatronic kissed Drooper's hand, even though he just gapped his mouth open a bit and pressed it against the paw.

"Do you love me?"

Drooper was confused by this abrupt gesture, and had no opinion about it due to his lack of emotions. Still, he responded anyways.

"I love you too, Tux! I love all my friends!"

Tux was quite offended, having to be considered a "friend." Sammie decided to clear things up for the lion animatronic.

"Uh, Drooper, this is Tux. He is your new boyfriend. You know, like, a lover. As in you two are in love. Or at least, pretend to be, for the show."

A new boyfriend? Drooper doesn't remember agreeing to that. He just met the snow leopard, and all of a sudden, they're lovers? The lion isn't sure how he feels about that, especially since he doesn't return the snow leopard's attraction. Then again, Tux is a pretty nice guy. And it's not like they're forcing him to love him back. After all, she did say he could pretend for the show. Since the Splits aren't on the air right now, they might as well just be friends. Drooper shook his hand and greeted the new recruit.

"Very nice meetin' ya, Tux! I'm Drooper! This is Fleegle, Bingo, and Snorky! Welcome to The Banana Splits! Enjoy your stay, friend!"

He still deemed Tux as a "friend." That's not what Tux wanted. He didn't just come alive, fall in love instantly, only for it to turn out to be one-sided. Tux figured, he will get this lion to love him back, even if it kills him.

And so, for the last four days, Tux wasn't ready to be onscreen, so that gave him enough time to win Drooper's affection. The snow leopard had snuck into Rebecca's computer to find information on how to woo a person. Then he'd capture that info into his system.

Tux tried presenting Drooper with a flower (one of the props). He was flattered, took the flower, and patted Tux on the head. But walked away afterwards.

He tried serenading a romantic song, which was performed by the Splits in another era. 🎵I enjoy being a boy, in love with youuuuuuuuuu.🎶 Once again, Drooper was flattered, and applauded his performance, but still, walked away.

Next, he tried the extreme. Tux grabbed Drooper, dipped him, and planted his mouth onto his, giving him a kiss. That only resulted in Drooper pushing him so hard, he knocks him down on his bum.

No matter what technique he tried, his attempts all failed. And Drooper showed no signs of loving him back. Today was scheduled for Tux to make his physical appearance. But before he's ready to be on the show, he discussed his issue with Karl.

"My lover... ...doesn't love me. What have I done wrong?"

Karl knew exactly what the problem was. It's not what Tux has done, but how Drooper feels. The lion animatronic was built to be emotionless, so it's impossible for him to accept a handsome man's gesture. Maybe Karl can fix that.

"Settle down, my boy. You'll get what you want. I promise."

He then called Drooper over for a tune up. The only way for the two's feelings to be mutual is to install the lion with the same features programmed into Tux's databanks. The snow leopard held his hands together tightly. Soon, he and Drooper will be bond together at last. Together, forever. He'll have him close to him. They'll hold hands. The two will spend their entire lives as one until they rust. Karl then motioned that he had the notion of giving the other Splits emotions as well, so that they can embrace Tux like a family member. He wanted to make his greatest achievement feel at home.

“Yeah yeah sure. Now hurry up with the process!”

Suddenly, Rebecca entered the workshop, announcing that the whole "LGBTQ+ representation" project was officially canceled.

While the news of The Banana Splits having an LGBTQ+ character on their show received largely positive from the queer community, they've also gained negative, violent feedback from those who were against it. They were being accused of "attempting to encourage children into sexual acts," and called out for spreading "leftist SJW propaganda."

It gets much worse. Straight parents set up a campaign to boycott the show. Stevie threatened to quit because he refuses to work around a "cybernetic f@gg3t." And Andy, the network executive, blackmailed that he would pull the plug on their show if they let this "gay shit" slip onto TV. Sammie was fired, and the whole assignment was history.

Karl stopped what he was doing, leaving Tux confused.

"Aren't you gonna-" "I'm afraid there's no reason to anymore, my boy." "But, Karl- Drooper- You said I could have what I want! YOU PROMISED!" “I wish I could keep it, but I don't think I have a choice. I'm sorry." "I don't believe it. How could you be SO SELFISH?! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW I FEEL?! PLUG HIM BACK IN, RIGHT NOW!" “I can't-" "ALL I WANT IS MY KITTEN TO LOVE ME! DOESN'T ANYBODY CARE?!!"

The snow leopard threw a big tantrum. A single stomp on the ground made the floor shake. Then, he shoved items off of counters, and smashed stuff, while screaming at the top of his voice. He was absolutely terrifying at that moment. Tux turned to Rebecca, thinking it was all her fault. She tried to tell him to stand down, but he was too stubborn. He grabbed her by the neck, and pressed her against the wall. With Tux's back turned away, that gave Karl the opportunity to shut him down. Tux let go of Rebecca, and fell over unconscious.

Poor Tux. Maybe giving him emotions was a bad idea. As it turns out, he's not mature enough to know how to handle them, which makes him too unstabled. After that traumatized experience, Rebecca demanded that Karl should get rid of him this instant.

After she left, the three other aninatronics entered the workshop. Karl stared down at Tux for a minute. The snow leopard animatronic didn't mean to cause any harm. He's just a little faulty, with his ardent coding and all. Karl never worked out how he would have Tux cope with his emotions. The engineer couldn't bring himself to throwing out what he thought was gonna be his greatest achievement yet, so he asked his four to dispose of Tux for him. Karl then left the workshop to see if he could calm Rebecca down.

Four of the Splits gazed upon the now deactivated animatronic. They, including Drooper, felt a bit sorry for him. Why put him to waste? There's still some potential in him. The sad case just wanted, and needed, some love like they have had. A new Banana Splits member is still a member. Besides, he was much nicer to them than Stevie.

"What are we gonna do with him?"

So, rather than dragging his metal carcass to the dumpster, they all agreed to hide his body, behind a couple of boxes and bins in the corner. Perhaps he will make himself useful. Someday.

#The one who turned a banana cherry red [Tux]#Dear sweet kitten [Drooper]#Lover cats [Tux and Drooper]#Bleeding heart [Horrorverse]#Homophobia tw

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a-town-called-hometown · 4 years

Note

What you said about post-pacifist Asriel, what would your thoughts be on sort of an inverse of that, an Asriel who doesn't get his soul back but works on living as himself without it?

Oh boy, you always ask such good questions!

So I read this fic by @krispdreemurr a while back, and they dealt with a similar idea. In it, Flowey's gotten Alphys to make him a robot body post-pacifist, and he's living as Asriel. Though he apparently has a soul, he still feels empty inside. He acts the way that Asriel would be expected to act, but inside, he doesn't find meaning in it, and doesn't think of himself as Asriel at all. The fic is REALLY good but I'd advise against reading it if depressing content is triggering for you.

So, my personal take! I'm going to go off the assumption that you mean "he doesn't revert back to being a flower post-pacifist even though he doesn't have a soul," because I don't think he would ever try to be Asriel while he's still inhabiting a plant body. I'm also going to go off the assumption that everyone knows he's soulless, because otherwise an almost identical scenario to that fic would play out, and I want this take to be interesting.

It would be hard for him. He's still got the issue that he does as Flowey -- he believes that he can't feel anything if he doesn't have a soul anymore. He'd have a tough time adjusting to his new life. For a while, he'd be depressed, probably nihilistic, telling everyone that their efforts to help him feel again won't do anything, telling Frisk that they should bring him back to the mountain, going along with everything to make people happy. But he'd try to stick to his morals. He knows it's wrong to hurt people.

He'd have a breakthrough eventually. One day, he will realize that he is capable of emotion, and that although he doesn't know if he can truly love, he might be capable of happiness, at least. He'd still have a lot of issues. He gets bored easily, his impulse control is bad, he's learned a lot of violent urges, and he has a lot of manipulative instincts left over from his time as Flowey. He'd be hard to live with a lot. But eventually, with time and therapy, he'd adjust to life as Asriel. He'd start reaching out and developing relationships with the people in his life again.

He'd never be the same Asriel as he was before he died. He can't love the same way, still is rude pretty often, still can get violent when he's upset, still kicks up drama just to make sure he won't get bored, still has severe struggles with empathy. He'd never be the sort of person who is instinctively gentle or feels immense distress when other people are hurting. But he'd learn to be happy, and in the end, he'd live a good life.

#nic talks #asks and answers #thank you for the question!#that was interesting!#and yes #i know i go for angst a lot on this blog #but i also love stories where people recover from it!#i don't want him to be unhappy forever #i prefer to think that things would be hard but that people can overcome them anyway

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myfandomrambles · 4 years

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C-PTSD & BPD Doctor

(Doctor Character Study part 3D)

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptom overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid.

12th Doctor:

The Twelfth Doctor is often viewed as a darker, colder Doctor. He is a more abrasive character than many of The Doctor’s faces. He didn’t lie about who and what he was like many of the new Doctors do. He is really grappling with the Time War’s effects on himself, having lived in a war on Trenzalore, many of the things he has done or chosen to do that facilitated harm and very prominently all of the loved ones he’s lost before, during and after the wars.

The idea of being a soldier or general vs being The Doctor hangs heavy on him. He not only played a general and war hero during the time war “The Doctor of war” but was also the default commander of the Trenzalore war, the target of much of the violence and the de facto leader of the town during the siege. His deep fear of who he really is, and distaste for anything related to soldiers does stem from the Time War but regenerating off the war on Trenzalore made him have to grapple even further because he spent so much time having to experience it all over again.

In this Doctor's run we get some references back to his earliest incarnation and life on Gallifrey in series 9 a chunk of this is mostly plot-related in the concept of the Time Dial and Hybrid but even that added to other information gives insight to his early life which connects with all of the New Who Doctors, and greatly with the Twelfth Doctor in interesting ways.

"Man: Why does he have to sleep out here?

Woman: He doesn't want the others to hear him crying.

Man: Why does he have to cry all the time?

Woman: You know why.

Man: There'll be no crying in the army.

Woman: Hush.

Man: Don't pretend you're not awake. We're not idiots.

Woman: Come and sleep in the house. You don't have to be alone. If you can hear me, you're very welcome in the house, with the other boys. I'll leave the door on the latch. Come in any time.

Man: He can't just run away crying all the time if he wants to join the army.

Woman: He doesn't want to join the army. I keep telling you.

Man: Well, he's not going to the Academy, is he, that boy? He'll never make a Time Lord."

This scene is in TV: Listen is connected well with much of what we knew before about The Doctor's lonely childhood, his experience of always been regarded as a renegade, was disliked in school, not liking the rigid society, having anxiety even as a kid and being generally isolated [save The Master]. In this story, it also ties into the way that even into this regeneration The Doctor deals with fears and anxiety he tries to hide and intellectualize. This also sets up a baseline of possible attachment struggles that have worsened with complex trauma.

In TV: Witch's familiar Missy describes The Doctor as a young Time Lord, It’s told in a bit of humour manner but connects in with the more serious discussion on TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent.

“Doctor: A long time ago, there was a student at the Academy. He got in here, disappeared for four days. Showed up in a completely different part of the city. Said the Sliders talked to him, they showed him the secret passage out. And we just need the code.

Clara: What and the kid told you the secret?

Doctor: Ah, no, he didn't tell anyone anything. He went completely mad. Never right in the head again, so they say.

Clara: Okay, that's encouraging.

Doctor: The last I heard, he stole the moon and the President's wife.

Clara: Was she, er, Was she nice, the President's wife?

Doctor: Ah, well, that was a lie put about by the Shabogans. It was the President's daughter. I didn't steal the moon, I lost it.

Clara: I'd know you anywhere.

Doctor: I was a completely different person in those days. Eccentric, a bit mad, rude to people.”

This conversation again adds a bit to The Doctor stories adding to things like the Tenth Doctor’s discussion of the Untempered Schism shaping The Doctor even from a young age. This also connects with The Doctor's self-perception, the above attachment issues and talks about how his history on Gallifrey has influenced his identity issues.

The Doctor Struggles with boundaries, something that we know is connected with his alien tendencies [and if you read my Autistic/Adhd sections it ties with that] but I think his emotional and identity enmeshment with Clara and to some degree Missy has a tie into his history of loss and trauma ( TV: Under The Lake & TV: The Witch’s Familiar). We see that The Doctor tends to either care for people an intense amount or have difficulty forming a connection, this also applies to his trust ( TV: Time Heist, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Dark Water/Death in Heaven, TV: Last Christmas, TV: Zygon Invasion TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, & TV: The Pilot, TV: The Lie of The Land)

The Doctor has poor boundaries with Clara, in Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death The Doctor enters Clara’s bathroom while in the tub in the TARDIS, he has little care for how this would cross boundaries. The Doctor also very often relies on her for how he sees and values himself putting his Duty of Care over anything else. In TV: Dark Water we see another example,

“Clara: You're going to help me?

Doctor: Well, why wouldn't I help you?

Clara: Because of what I just did. I just

Doctor: You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything that I've ever stood for. You let me down!

Clara: Then why are you helping me?

Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”

Clara crossed an extreme line in this episode having, in her mind, drugged The Doctor and destroyed his ability to get into his home and possible stranding them in a deadly position. As The Doctor point’s out he betrayed him deeply and let him down. The most telling part here isn’t to me that he helps her out, it’s that he doesn’t set this up as a time of “forgiving” her for having done something that could have hurt them both, but that it doesn’t make a difference. Betraying him could never make a difference, a level of extreme trust and lack of autonomy from her.

Being without her makes him reckless (TV: The Witch’s Familiar) and the ability to possibly protect her will make him cross lines, ones of keeping himself safe (TV: Last Christmas) and his own personal moral standards (TV: Face The Raven). In TV: Heaven Sent he describes life as not being worth living without her while trying to figure out if he can get out of the situation he questions if its work it saying,

“Doctor: But I can remember, Clara. You don't understand, I can remember it all. Every time. And you'll still be gone. Whatever I do, you still won't be there.”

The Doctor and Clara’s identities become enmeshed in The Doctor’s perception in TV: Heaven Sent he says,

“Doctor: Assume you're going to survive. Always assume that. Imagine you've already survived. There's a storm room in your mind. Lock the door and think. This is my storm room. I always imagine that I'm back in my Tardis, showing off, telling you how I escaped, making you laugh.”

This shows how she is part of his own internal thought process and his coping skills. And later in TV: Hell Bent along with his willingness to cross all his personal boundaries and the laws of time it’s discussed how they might, even if just in personal and outside perception, become a singular entity in the Hybrid.

“Doctor: Does it matter?

Ashildr: No. Because I have a better theory.

Doctor: Really?

Ashildr: What if the Hybrid wasn't one person, but two?

Doctor: Two?

Ashildr: A dangerous combination of a passionate and powerful Time Lord and a young woman so very similar to him.”

Part of this enmeshed identities is connected to the concept of Favourite person which Clara Oswald fills the role of in seasons 8 & 9. He puts so much of himself into her in his self-perception and works hard to keep her safe. ( TV: Into The Dalek, TV: In The Forest of The Night, TV: The Magician's Apprentice, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Time Heist).

This is shown in terms of ‘duty of care’, this also relates to his hero/god complex, feelings that he needs to control everything, deep fears and anxiety and guilt over people he can’t save. ( TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: Face the Raven, TV: The Girl Who Died). He also shows a lot of jealousy towards her showing attention to others. (TV: Robots of Sherwood, TV: Listen, TV: Last Christmas, TV: The Caretaker, Comic: The Four Doctors)

In TV: The Caretaker Danny Pink comments on The Doctors need to keep her safe.

“Danny: It's all right, it doesn't matter. I don't need him to like me. It doesn't matter if he likes me or hates me, I just need to do exactly one thing for you. Doctor, am I right?

Doctor: Yes.

Clara: What? What one thing?

Danny: I need to be good enough for you. That's why he's angry. Just in case I'm not.”

This protectiveness reaches its most extreme in Twelve shooting The General in TV: Hell Bent. He is also willing to hurt himself in order for her to not be hurt. This can be seen in TV: Dark Water & TV: The Witch's Familiar and allowing himself to be hurt for thousands of years in the Time Dial. (TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent)

This enmeshment isn't one-sided. Multiple Times Clara notes how important The Doctor is to her, stating he is essential to her in TV: Before the Flood, calling him the only person she really trusts (TV: Dark Water/Death in Heaven) and desperately wanting to be like him. (TV: Flatline, TV: The Girl Who Died & TV: Face The Raven)

In TV: Listen Clara ends up on Gallifrey and tried to calm the young Doctor, she is then able to extrapolate this to her Doctor whom she knows and understands his fear of vulnerability but has also seen him when he is lost and hurt, knowing he is anxious. When she comes back she says;

“Clara: What if there was nothing? What if there never was anything? Nothing under the bed, nothing at the door. What if the big bad Time Lord doesn't want to admit he's just afraid of the dark.

Doctor: Where are we? Have we moved? Where have we landed?

Clara: Don't look where we are. Take off, and promise me you will never look where we've been.

Doctor: Why?

Clara: Just take off. Don't ask questions.

Doctor: I don't take orders, Clara.

Clara: Do as you're told.”

The way she explains can seem harsh, but keeping him from looking is important as she knows it would consume him trying to work out how they were on a past time lock Galifrey.

Missy becomes someone Twelve links personal image in the show as well. The Doctor and The Master has a long history of hurting each other and then forgiving it when maybe it doesn't make sense to. The Doctor will also often go over other people's heads in order to offer the hand to the master after they do harm to other people. It’s also been pointed out by people like the Rani that the master is overly obsessed with The Doctor. But The Doctor also has a history of connecting their personal identity to the master too. Something we can see throughout Twelve's run.

In TV: World Enough and Time Bil and The Doctor discuss why he wants Bill to help him with Missy’s test run helping others.

“Doctor: She's my friend. She's my oldest friend in the universe.

Bill: Well, you've got lots of friends. Better ones. What's so special about her?

Doctor: She's different.

Bill: Different how?

Doctor: I don't know.

Bill: Yes, you do.

Doctor: She's the only person that I've ever met who's even remotely like me.

Bill: So more than anything you want her to be good?

...

Doctor: I know I can help her.”

In this quote, we see that The Doctor needs The Master to be good because of how much he sees of himself in her. There has to be redemption in the heart of The Master because he believes that it is a reflection of his own possibility of goodness, but also part of The Doctor needing to be able to help the people he cares for.

In TV: The Doctor Falls we see more of this trying to have Missy change and to have his friend fill the hole he has.

"Doctor: No! No! When I say no, you turn back around! Hey! I'm going to be dead in a few hours, so before I go, let's have this out, you and me, once and for all. Winning? Is that what you think it's about? I'm not trying to win. ... It's not because it's fun and God knows it's not because it's easy. It's not even because it works, because it hardly ever does. I do what I do because it's right! Because it's decent! And above all, it's kind. It's just that. ... And I will stand here doing it till it kills me. You're going to die too, someday. How will that be? Have you thought about it? What would you die for? Who I am is where I stand. Where I stand, is where I fall. Stand with me."

....

Doctor: Missy. Missy. You've changed. I know you have. And I know what you're capable of. Stand with me. It's all I've ever wanted.

Missy: Me too. But no. Sorry. Just, no. But thanks for trying."

The Doctor easily forgives the masters’ betrayal when she tried to get him to shoot Clara. (TV: The Witch's Familiar) The next time they meet Twelve saves Missy’s life and vows to watch over and try to help her. (TV: Extremis)

The Doctor and Nardole’s relationship is interesting as we see that he works with The Doctor after having been close with his wife. Nardole has seen a lot of The Doctor's weak points and we can see that there is some trust there. Nardole while willing to push back, he is essentially The Doctor’s assistant. While having a license to “kick his ass” (TV: Extremis) for the most part he does as he is told, and when The Doctor does things he doesn’t have any real power over his actions. The Doctor's need for control is evident here but he showed himself as dependable something The Doctor needs as he tends to lose his control when alone.

Bill views The Doctor as her teacher and trusts him very quickly. (TV: Pilot, TV: Smile, TV: The Eaters of Light, TV: Pyramid at The End of The World, & TV: World Enough and Time) . We see another side to their relationship in TV: Thin Ice. There we see her able to read the trauma and loss in his face but can also tell time has allowed him to blot out the emotions and the utilitarian way he tries and deal with it.

“Bill: Yeah? Tell me this. You've seen people die before, yeah?

Doctor: Of course.

Bill: You still care?

Doctor: Of course I care.

Bill: How many?

Doctor: How many what?

Bill: If you care so much, tell me how many people you've seen die?

Doctor: I don't know.

Bill: Okay. How many before you lost count?

Doctor: I care, Bill, but I move on.

Bill: Yeah? How quickly?

Doctor: It's not me you're angry with.

Bill: Have you ever killed anyone? There's a look in your eyes sometimes that makes me wonder. Have you?

Doctor: There are situations when the options available are limited.

Bill: Not what I asked.

Doctor: Sometimes the choices are very

Bill: That's not what I asked!

Doctor: Yes.

Bill: How many?

Bill: Don't tell me. You've moved on.

Doctor: You know what happens if I don't move on? More people die.”

I think this also points to the way The Doctor has the ability and history of taking life and death into his hands and is aware of this in his answers here. The hole left by taking lives and watching them be lost is visible even to those who care for him.

The other most important relationship is The Doctor’s connection to Ashildr. Their connection is born from an episode of flashbacks, anxiety, control issues and overblown sense of responsibility in his god complex. She is made into what she is because of The Doctor trying to be The Doctor, the grand concept, the man who saves people. Her existence is built from hubris and trauma. As well as the no or complete trust he tends to have with other people, becoming deeply connected to people very quickly.

“Doctor: People like us, we go on too long. We forget what matters. The last thing we need is each other...I looked into your eyes and I saw my worst fears. Weariness. Emptiness.

Ashildr: That's why you can't travel with me. Our perspectives are too vast. Too far away.

...

Doctor:...Who told you about me? The man who comes for the battle and runs away from the fallout.

Ashildr: Take your pick. You've had an impact on this world. You've made waves.

Doctor: Sometimes tidal waves.

Ashildr: I'm flattered.

....

Ashildr: Someone has to look out for the people you abandon. Who better than me? I'll be the patron saint of The Doctor's leftovers. While you're busy protecting this world, I'll get busy protecting it from you.”

(TV: The Woman Who Lived)

He feels responsible for her, but he also needs her to be okay to have compassion for other people. Because he has his own struggle with weary and emptiness letting it totally consume him is something he dreads. Ashildr also gained the knowledge of the way The Doctor leaves a trail in the world, taking the title “patron saint of The Doctor’s leftovers” she is playing on his guilt, even if it is very honest.

Hyperarousal and Hyperarousal is seen a lot with the Twelfth Doctor (TV: Deep Breath, TV: Into the Dalek, TV: Robots of Sherwood, TV: In The Forest Of The Night, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, Comic: Selfie, Comic: Ghost Stories, Prose, The Blood Cell, Prose Big Bang Generation, Comic: Playing House, TV: Heaven Sent, Comic: Supremacy of The Cybermen). This overlaps with compulsive thoughts and anxiety in TV: Listen where the whole story cover being so on edge he makes up a reason for his paranoid thoughts and fears.

This also manifests as The Doctor being very restless in general (Prose: Big Bang Generation, Prose: Blood Cell, TV: Prequel to The Magician's Apprentice, TV: Time Heist, TV: Listen, Comic: The Twist & Comic: Unearthly Things). And visible anxiety through his body language and way of speaking (TV: Dark Water, TVL Heaven Sent Comic: Hyperion Empire, Comic: The Boy With the Displaced Smile, TV: In The Forest of The Night, TV: Extremis, The Magician's Apprentice, & Comic: Supremacy of The Cybermen)

In TV: The Girl Who Died, he describes how after loss and during stress he experiences times where he can’t breathe a description congruent with anxiety.

“Doctor: One day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe”

He experienced episodes of high anger ( TV: Into The Dalek, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Tim Heist, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Before The Flood, Zygon Inversion. TV: Face The Raven, TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent, TV: Thin Ice, Comic: The Twist, TV: The Doctor Falls, & TV: Twice Upon A Time). Sometimes becoming outward displays of violence line when he punches a Man in TV: Thin Ice and shooting The General in TV: Hell Bent.

We see another episode of extreme anger in TV: Death In Heaven, he internalizes his anger until it becomes too much and we see him break down destroying his console. We see other internalized anger in (TV: Heaven Sent, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: The Witch’s Familiar, & TV: Last Christmas)

He has a marked experience of irritability and agitation struggling to handle interpersonal situations and (TV: Into The Dalek, TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Last Christmas, Comic: Fractures, Comic: The Hyperion Empire, & Prose: Blood Cell). This decreases over time in the later season showing less of an agitated and often perceived as rude, it takes a form of internalization quite a bit covered by fatigue.

Twelve has a strong need to control the situation around him and himself (TV: Robots of Sherwood TV: Listen, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Into The Forest of The Night, TV: Last Christmas TV: Prequel To The Magician's Apprentice, TV: The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar, TV: The Zygon Invasion/Zygon INversion, TV: Sleep No More TV: Doctor Mysterio, TV: Oxygen, TV: Extremis/Pyramid at the end of the world/Lie of the Land, TV: The Empress of Mars, TV: World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls & TV: Twice Upon a Time, Comic: The Twist, Comic: Terror of the Cabinet Noir, & TV: Invasion of The Midmorphs)

The Doctor’s need to have control over the situation can become a level of manipulative that can upset the people he is with. Taking the form of knowing things others don’t and not letting them in, or using other people’s lives in what from the outside seems like a game. (TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Before The Flood, and Comic: The Twist)

In TV: Flatline they discuss methods of control

“Doctor: Excellent lying, Doctor Oswald.

Clara: Yeah? Well, thought it was pretty weak myself.

Doctor: I meant to me. You told me that Danny was okay with you being back on board the Tardis.

Clara: Well, he is.

Doctor: Yeah, because he doesn't know anything about it.

Clara: Doctor

Doctor: Congratulations. Lying is a vital survival skill.

Clara: Well, there you go.

Doctor: And a terrible habit.”

This is an interesting exchange as I think it connects to control, a sense of disconnection from others as well as adding a throughline to his previous regeneration. He refers to it as a survival skill Clara was using the same skills The Doctor did in order to control the situation with those episodes side characters. But it’s also pointed to as a bad habit, something The Doctor wishes they didn’t have to do. We know that the lying was a tool of control and isolation to the Eleventh Doctor. River and The Doctor’s rule one was consistent “The Doctor lies.” I think it can also be connected to implicit memories of acting on behaviours he has needed to do for a long time.

Control is invoked in a different manner in Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death he invokes the president of the world status. We see this again in Comic: The Hyperion Empire he takes charge of the situation over a politician even using the president of the world title to his advantage, Kate comments on this as funny doing to his dislike of this title in previous episodes.

In Prose: The Blood Cell there is an interesting example of this in his maintaining control of the situation in a prison by continuously doing things that assert his own control over the situation. It’s effective as he has as much information on the situation as the people who run the prison who are having their own kind of power struggle. He jokes about having a day off as well, commenting on his being the one in power in most places, which is oddly a part of his trying, and eventually succeeding in controlling a situation that is meant to leave him powerless.

The control issues are commented on by The Doctor in TV: Under The Lake

“Doctor: So, who's in charge now? I need to know who to ignore.”

These issues are inflamed during the events of TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent when his control was entirely stripped by the Time Lords. During these experiences he does what he can to hold control and overcompensating, using his previous interactions and war experience to essentially hold Galifrey even when he has no intention of staying. This is understandable due to the torture of the Time Dial and it continues to affect him moving forward.

He can show anxiety when he loses control of the situation (TV: Flatline, TV: The Caretaker, TV: Heaven Sent, TV: Pyramid at The End Of The World, TV: Time Heist, TV: Oxygen, Comic: The Wolves of Winter, Comic: The Hyperion Empire, Comic: Supremacy of The Cybermen, & Comic: Ghost Stories) An example that is played as laughs but shows this is his dislike of River yanking him around (TV: The Husbands of River Song)

"Doctor: Stop holding my hand, people don't do that to me.”

Similar interactions happen between Bernice Summerfield and Twelve during Prose: The Big Bang Generation, as he doesn’t hold the cards for much of the Story.

The Doctor can use displays and show off in part of his need for control and as a way of trying to impress his friends, It works against his feeling of loneliness and giving that need for attention. It can take the form of just generally extreme displays of masking emotions like in TV: The Magician's Apprentice and TV: The Lie of The Land or explaining how he did something (TV: In The Forest of The Night TV: Kill The Moon,, TV: Time Heist, Comic: The Twist, TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Last Christmas, TV: The Witch's Familiar, TVL: Thin Ice, Prose: Blood Cell, TV: Pyramid at The End of The World & TV: World Enough and Time)

The Doctor has a deep fear of showing he’s own vulnerability, this is seen very clearly in TV: Extremis & TV: Pyramid at The End of The World. After TV: Oxygen The Doctor is left blind and refuses to tell Bill that this lasted. He uses the glasses to try and see the outlines of things and grudgingly relies on Nardole for help. It’s impossible to do it totally on his own, and Nardole had seen vulnerability before so he is the one let somewhat in. The fear of being seen as something that connects to his trauma and needs to show people a heroic side of himself and close off all of the pain and trauma inside of him.

In TV: Extremis Nardole references that he fears others knowing about vulnerabilities and accepting them himself,

“Nardole: Okay, so you're blind and you don't want your enemies to know. I get it. But why does it have to be a secret from Bill?

Doctor: Because I don't like being worried about. Around me, people should be worried about themselves.

Nardole: Yeah, shall I tell you the real reason?

Doctor: No.

Nardole: Because the moment you tell Bill, it becomes real. And then you might actually have to deal with it.

Doctor: Good point, well made. Definitely not telling her now.

Nardole: You're an idiot.

Doctor: Everyone knows that.”

The Doctor has a tendency to isolate himself as a function of anxiety and depression. Part of this is his fear of vulnerability done with words and lies of omission and sometimes straight-up separating himself physically (TV: Dark Water/Last Christmas, TV: The Eaters of Light, TV: Twice Upon A Time, TV: Kill The Moon, Prose: Big Bang Generation, & TV: Extremis/Pyramid at The End of The World) when overwhelmed he literally bolts and leaves the stressful place, this is seen again in TV: The Girl Who Died where when he realises that Ashildr died he hides his emotions and hides from others.

Emotional masking can be part of this, in TV: The Return of Doctor Mysterio he says he’s “always okay” instead of being honest and moving on from it.

Deals with obsessive thoughts (TV: Mummy on The Orient Express, TV: Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Smile & TV: Twice Upon A Time, & TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood). We see this heavily in TV: Listen, he thought himself into creating an entire creature thought rumination. The concept here is also fear itself and a loss of control through a creature he could never see. We this also is tied into other issues like nightmares, insomnia and references back to his childhood which through the extended universe materials and references in the show was not a happy one with being ostracised from his own family/chapter from peers and early experiences of violence. Another specific version of this is his preoccupation with his trauma, seen in TV: Into the Dalek in his conversation with the Dalek.

“Rusty: Daleks have destroyed a million stars.

Doctor: Oh, millions and millions. Trust me, I keep count.”

Another manifestation is seen in his habit of talking to himself (TV: Listen, TV: Mummy on the Orient Express, Prose: The Big Bang Generation)

A Connected symptom to compulsive thinking is his flashbacks and intrusive thoughts related to his trauma. (TV: Listen, TV: Prequel to The Magician's Apprentice, TV: Into The Forest of The night, & TV: Death in Heaven) An example is his reliving visually the experiences with Donna in TV: Fires of Pompeii when he is faced with the failure to keep Ashildr safe. This ends with him in a state of panic(TV: The Girl Who Died).

He describes seeing and hearing events from the Time War in TV: Zygon Inversion

“Doctor: I fought in a bigger war than you will ever know. I did worse things than you could ever imagine. And when I close my eyes I hear more screams than anyone could ever be able to count! And do you know what you do with all that pain?”

This is a pretty accurate description of flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. Another moment that references intrusive thoughts and flashbacks can be seen in TV: Extremis when The Doctor talks to Missy.

“Doctor: Memories are so much worse in the dark.”

Nightmares and Insomnia ( TV: Deep Breath, TV: Listen, TV: Zygon Inversion, TV: Heaven Sent, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Sleep No More, TV: Knock Knock, TV: Extremis)

The Doctor can show obsessive tendencies with the people who have traumatized him, (TV: Hell Bent, Comic: The Great Shopping Bill, TV: The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lives, TV: The Doctor Falls, TV: Into The Dalek)

There are very explicit incidents when we see Twelve have triggers (TV: Kill The Moon, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Eaters of Light, TV: Supremacy of The Cybermen) In Comic: The Great Shopping Bill The Doctor sees robots just shaped like Daleks and has a reaction of anger and getting into a fighting mindset. After what happened with Davros, The Doctor refuses to use his Sonic for a period of time instead of using his Sonic Shades. (TV: The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar, continues through series 9) [losing the Sonic isn’t a good enough reason we know the TARDIS can make a new one quite fast.]

This overlaps with his intrusive thoughts and flashbacks obviously as they can be triggered. An example is when war is mentioned in Comic: Hyperion, we see The Doctor start listening wars he’s been a part of including Trenzalore.

The Doctor shows issues with dissociation, which we see The Doctor experience in other situations. (TV: Death in Heaven, TV: Extremis, TV: Empress of Mars, Comic: Fractures, Comic: The Wolves of Winter, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Before the Flood) It’s used very clearly as a protective measure in TV: Heaven Sent allowing him to go into his head to manage stress completely disconnecting from himself and having a distortion of his environment. We see him use dissociation this to ignore pain. (TV: Heaven Sent, Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: The Witch's Familiar, TV: Twice Upon a Time). He even loses time (TV: Into The Dalek, TV: Prequel to The Magician's Apprentice, TV: The Magician's Apprentice, TV: The Pilot)

The Doctor often experiences emotional shutdowns (TV: Time Heist, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Inversion, TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Death in Heaven, Comic: The Four Doctor) The interesting thing in TV: Thin Ice is we see this play out in how it’s often used, to allow himself to deal and make decisions. We know he can easily lose his temper but when the child dies and bill asks him about it he says

“Doctor: I have never had the luxury of outrage”

While we know this isn’t true, and we later see him sock a racist in the jaw, there is actually a difference. The Doctor has a sense of morality that is very strong, but it’s most important to get it done, for Twelve more than anyone else. I think we can tell that here he has to separate himself from what he feels to act. The Doctor can set himself in the mindset of a fight to finish what needs to be done, something that Bill who isn’t used to splitting from himself isn’t able to do. The Doctor, however, is in tune with grief and sentimentality, so it’s not a lack of ability.

Twelve disrupted belief system can be seen in The Doctor, something that has been an issue since at least the Eighth Doctor and commented on with both Ten and Eleven (Comic: The Boy With The Displace Smile, TV: Last Christmas, TV: Eaters of Light & TV: Heaven Sent). In Comic: The Wolves of Winter The Doctor’s belief becomes important in order to protect against the Haemovore he pulls on the memory of how much he cared for his companions and this works to push over the edge of emotions.

In TV: Into The Dalek, we see that the belief he carries generally like his view of himself is set into his trauma,

“Clara: It's the look you get when I'm about to slap you.

Doctor: Ow. Clara.

Clara: Are we going to die in here? I mean, there's a little bit of you that's pleased. The Daleks are evil after all. Everything makes sense. The Doctor is right.”

In TV: Hell Bent Ohila notes that the moral system and solid foundations will fall apart when his emotions become too much.

“Ohila: You have gone too far. You have broken every code you ever lived by.

Doctor: After all this time, after everything I've done, don't you think the universe owes me this?

Ohila: Owes you what? All you're doing is giving her hope.

Doctor: Since when is hope a bad thing?

Ohila: Hope is a terrible thing on the scaffold.”

Twelve struggles with having a cohesive sense of self and identity this is closely intertwined with the dissociation. The main way this shows is the way he describes The Doctor as a separate construct not truly tied to him. (TV: Flatline, TV: Dark Water/Death in Heaven, Comic: Terrorformer, Comic: The Swords of Kali, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Thin Ice, TV: World Enough and Time, & TV: Twice Upon A Time). In TV: The Witch’s Familiar this is commented on in a conversation between Davros and The Doctor, how the concept is something the person can never live up to, a severe split of self.

“Davros: Why do you hesitate? No one would know. Clara Oswald is dead. Is this the conscience of The Doctor, or his shame? The shame that brought you here.

Doctor: There's no such thing as The Doctor. I'm just a bloke in a box, telling stories. And I didn't come here because I'm ashamed. A bit of shame never hurt anyone. I came because you're sick and you asked. And because sometimes, on a good day, if I try very hard, I'm not some old Time Lord who ran away. I'm The Doctor.”

We see this in the reverse in TV: Face The Raven where he rejects the label when his actions are made out of anger, resentment and pain. A split idea of who he is and who he ought to be

“Ashildr: You can't.

Doctor: I can do whatever the hell I like. You've read the stories. You know who I am. And in all of that time, did you ever hear anything about anyone who stopped me?

Ashildr: I know The Doctor. The Doctor would never

Doctor: The Doctor is no longer here! You are stuck with me. And I will end you, and everything you love.”

Clara, as she did with Eleven in TV: The Day of The Doctor, tries to get him to own the person she believes him to be.

“Clara: ...Don't let this change you. No, listen. Whatever happens next, wherever she is sending you, I know what you're capable of. You don't be a Warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor.

Doctor: What's the point of being a Doctor if I can't cure you?

Clara: Heal yourself. You have to. You can't let this turn you into a monster. So, I'm not asking you for a promise, I'm giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else, here or anywhere, will suffer.”

This ties in with his anger, and his self-hatred, and often warranted guilt. This exchange has no convincing power to The Doctor,

“Doctor: What Clara said about not taking revenge. Do you know why she said that?

Ashildr: She was saving you.

Doctor: I was lost a long time ago. She was saving you. I'll do my best, but I strongly advise you to keep out of my way. You'll find that it's a very small universe when I'm angry with you.”

He takes her order in to not hurt Ashildr and Trap Street, but he doesn’t actually believe as Clara does that he can be “turned into a monster” or that this isn't who is, that anger he's capable of and what he has done are who is, an old Time Lord, a lost person, as much if not more so then The Doctor.

The Doctor tries to reconcile his identity issues in TV: Death in Heaven.

“Doctor: I really didn't know. I wasn't sure. You lose sight sometimes. Thank you! I am not a good man! I am not a bad man. I am not a hero. And I'm definitely not a president. And no, I'm not an officer. Do you know what I am? I am an idiot, with a box and a screwdriver. Just passing through, helping out, learning."

Though as examples of this can be seen in stories that happen after this episode we can see it was short lives epiphany.

As a part of identity construct The Doctor has a hero and god complex, this is also something that is warranted to some extent because of all they have done, but the good and bad having been done as The Doctor is part of why this identity is distant from the person (TV: Smile, TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Under The Lake, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Flatline, TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: Hell Bent, TV: The Waters of Light, TV: World Enough and Time/ The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon a Time)

In TV: Flatline when he has to combat the Boneless he has to make choices he actually struggles. This combines identity issues around The Doctor, with his hero/god complex, and the guilt over past actions.

“ Doctor: I tried to talk. I want you to remember that. I tried to reach out, I tried to understand you, but I think that you understand us perfectly.

And I think you just don't care. And I don't know whether you are here to invade, infiltrate or just replace us. I don't suppose it really matters now. You are monsters. That is the role you seem determined to play. So it seems I must play mine.

The man that stops the monsters. I'm sending you back to your own dimension. Who knows? Some of you may even survive the trip. And, if you do, remember this. You are not welcome here. This plane is protected. I am The Doctor. And I name you The Boneless. ”

An interesting arc connected to his trauma and identity issues through the story thread between the stories TV: Kill the Moon, TV: In The Forest of The Night, and TV: Thin Ice is about the authority he has over the earth and including his companions in this work.

First in TV: Kill The Moon we see The Doctor rejecting his connection to the earth and refusing to take the actions surrounding rather or not to kill the moon or not.

“Doctor: Listen, there are moments in every civilisation's history in which the whole path of that civilisation is decided. The whole future path. Whatever future humanity might have depends upon the choice that is made right here and right now. Now, you've got the tools to kill it. You made them. You brought them up here all on your own, with your own ingenuity. You don't need a Time Lord. Kill it. Or let it live. I can't make this decision for you.'

‘Doctor: Listen, we went to dinner in Berlin in 1937, right? We didn't nip out after pudding and kill Hitler. I've never killed Hitler. And you wouldn't expect me to kill Hitler. The future is no more malleable than the past...Sorry. Well, actually, no, I'm not sorry. It's time to take the stabilisers off your bike. It's your moon, womankind. It's your choice.”

Twelves rejecting his over who he really is makes him vacillate between being amazingly in control and shrewd and I think dreading to make decisions, and the more the decision has social aspects, like the effects of the choices of the moon and fallout he struggles to actually be the one. [This story is one I personally don’t know if he knew or not] He is focused on the control in a paradoxical fashion as he is both literally running from and trying to maintain it in the way he plays the conductor. Clara hates this, the largest fight they have stems from this,

“Clara: Oh, don't you ever tell me to mind my language. Don't you ever tell me to take the stabilisers off my bike. And don't you dare lump me in with the rest of all the little humans that you think are so tiny and silly and predictable. You walk our Earth, Doctor, you breathe our air. You make us your friend, and that is your moon too. And you can damn well help us when we need it."

Her comments about Earth being The Doctor’s home too, that the humans care for the earth, The Doctor meddles in the earth and therefore he has responsibilities to them. That he can’t play games with those who trust him.

The next time this arc comes up in earnest is in TV: In The Forest of The Night,

“Doctor: This is my world, too. I walk your earth, I breathe your air.

Clara: And on behalf of this world, you're very welcome. Now, go. Save the next one.”

In this story, The Doctor lets Clara know he heard her, and we can see he is no longer questioning his care for the earth and the personal nature of his responsibility to the humans, and his friends. He is still making executive decisions though.

In TV: Thin Ice we see The Doctor backtrack somewhat on being part of the earth, but he is willing to listen to others. I see it as part of The Doctor’s change in attitude being exhausted of making choices, but also knowing and being willing to do it anyway.

"Doctor: She might. It's a risk. So, what do you want to do, Bill?

Bill: We already know the answers. Why are you even asking?

Doctor: I don't know the answers. Only idiots know the answers. But if your future is built on the suffering of that creature, what's your future worth?

Bill: Why is it up to me?

Doctor: Because it can't be up to me. Your people, your planet. I serve at the pleasure of the human race, and right now, that's you. Give me an order. Not long till noon. I need an order."

Overall this exchange helps illustrate how he doesn't have a lot of linear change, more changing expressions of his earlier experiences and reacting to the changing circumstances of the struggles.

His issues with Soldiers connected to these identity issues and is a major component of his history of trauma with the Time War and Trenzalore. He’s never liked guns or using weapons and has a disparaging view of War for his whole existence as three commenting on military intelligence as a “contradiction in terms”.

This more complete rejection of soldiers doesn’t start to manifest until the Eighth Doctor. It’s interesting as by this point The Doctor is much more of a soldier than his older regenerations, The Brigadier being his best friend for the majority of his regenerations and still being a friend up till Eleven. As he became more willing to cross lines and someone who could command people to die for him he hates the concept. During the Time war however even as a soldier his contempt for the military stays being the People’s hero but someone the establishment doesn't like (TV: The Day of The Doctor, Prose: Engines of War, TV: Hell Bent).

The dislike of soldiers is most pronounced in the early part of Twelve's time (TV: Dark Water, TV: The Girl Who, Comic: The Hyperion Empire). In TV: Into The Dalek, he rejects Journey Blue coming with him explicitly because she’s a soldier,

“ Journey: Doctor. Take me with you.

Doctor: I think you're probably nice. Underneath it all, I think you're kind and you're definitely brave. I just wish you hadn't been a soldier.”

TV: The Caretaker is another story where this is front and centre. Explicitly stating his hatred of soldiers

"Doctor: I hate soldiers. Don't you hate soldiers?"

During the story, this conflict becomes entangled with his “duty of care” with Clara and control issues with Danny Pink. The Doctor immediately dislikes him as a retired soldier calling “PE” even when he’s a maths teacher, as an insult. Danny gets involved with his plans causing a rift by him breaking The Doctor’s control, and plan. It's directly discussed between The Doctor and Danny over their dual perceptions of the other as someone they view as antagonistic to their own selves.

“Danny: Now, Time Lords, do you salute those?

Doctor: Definitely not.

Danny: Ah. Sir!

Doctor: And you do not call me sir.

Danny: As you wish, sir. Absolutely, sir.

Doctor: And you can get out of my Tardis!

Danny: Immediately, sir.

Clara: Doctor, this is stupid, this is unfair.

Danny: One thing, Clara. I'm a soldier, guilty as charged. You see him? He's an officer.

Doctor: I am not an officer!

Danny: I'm the one who carries you out of the fire. He's the one who lights it.

Doctor: Out. Now.

Danny: Right away, sir. Straight now?

Doctor: Yes.

Danny: Am I dismissed?

Doctor: Yes, you are!

Danny: That's him. Look at him, right now. That's who he is.”

In TV: Death in Heaven this disagreement continues:

"Cyber-Danny: Clara, watch this. This is who The Doctor is. Watch the blood-soaked old general in action. I can't see properly, sir, because this needs activating. If you want to know what's coming, you have to switch it on. And didn't all of those beautiful speeches just disappear in the face of a tactical advantage? Sir.

Doctor: I need to know. I need to know.

Cyber-Danny: Yes. Yes, you do.

Clara: Give me the screwdriver.

Doctor: No.

Clara: Just do it, Doctor. Do as you are told.

Cyber-Danny: Typical officer. Got to keep those hands clean."

The dislike of soldiers as stated earlier rises in conjunction with their ability to think and act like one. Twelve very easily assumes a military footing, having the ability to act like a soldier and general when necessary. A very intimate understanding of violence follows him and the mindset can be triggered into the front. (Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death, TV: Death in Haven, TV: The Magician’s Apprentice, TV: Zygon Invasion/Zygon Invasion, TV: Hell Bent, & TV: The Eaters of Light)

A version of this can be seen in TV: The Girl Who Died, when the village falls under attack Clara tries to get him to help the people survive, The Doctor’s first response is to try and train them with weapons, something Clara points out he ought to know better. The interesting thing is that at this point that is Twelve’s fall back mode.

Twelve comments on this in TV: The Empress of Mars,

“Bill: You knew that would happen.

Doctor: Always been my problem.

Bill: What?

Doctor: Thinking like a warrior.”

This I think is a combination of the above-discussed issues of hypervigilance and traumatic identity formation but also implicit memories. Living in a war zone twice, and before those long periods of violence in other situations has taught him to think like this. If they don’t people they love, along with innocents will die.

He frames his life around being a battle, around fighting an endless war. In TV: Twice Upon a Time we see him refer to a long life as such;

“Doctor: A life this long, do you understand what it is? It's a battlefield, like this one, and it's empty. Because everyone else has fallen”

When he decides to regenerate he remarks on it by saying,

“Doctor: Time to leave the battlefield”

The Doctor struggles to handle not having some kind of stimulation of danger, often seeking out dangerous situations. A combined addiction to the violence even if he has a moral and personal disgust with war and wanton violence. (TV: Time Heist, Comic: Terrorformer, Comic: The Swords of Kali, Comic: Gangland, Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death, Comic: Playing House, Prose: Big Bang Generation, TV: Smile, TV: The Pilot, TV: Thing Ice. TV: Oxygen, & TV: World Enough and Time)

In Prose: Big Bang Generation he comments on this saying that it has gotten worse since his fourth incarnation, pointing out he wouldn’t be caught dead on a planet like Legion back then, nonetheless been going to the scariest part as The Doctor was currently doing. Pointing out that between age, desensitization and a growing reckless his behaviour has changed, the love of adventure maybe being more compulsive when taken in relation to other comments. He describes his agitation and impatience here as “itchy feet”.

In TV: Mummy on The Orient Express they comment on how they couldn’t have just have a normal

“Clara: You knew. You knew this was no relaxing break. You knew this was dangerous.

Doctor: I didn't know. I certainly hoped.”

And at a later point as Clara is trying to decide to stay or not they point out it’s an addictive tendency, something heavily related to BPD and C-PTSD

“Clara: I know it's scary and difficult, but do you love being the man making the impossible choice?

Doctor: Why would I?

Clara: Because it's what you do, all day, every day.

Doctor: It's my life.

Clara: Doesn't have to be. Is it like

Doctor: Like what?

Clara: An addiction?

Doctor: You can't really tell if something's an addiction till you try and give it up.

Clara: And you never have.

Doctor: Let me know how it goes.”

In TV: Heaven Sent when commenting on the construction of the confession dial/prison the captures made for him he reinforces this idea.

“ Doctor: It's a killer puzzle box designed to scare me to death, and I'm trapped inside it. Must be Christmas. ”

The Doctor can be impulsive ( TV: The Girl Who Died, TV: Smile, TV: Eaters of Light, TV: Thin Ice, TV: Husband of River Song, TV: Into The Dalek, Comic: Clara Oswald and The SChool of Death, Comic: Unearthly Things, Comic: Terror of the Cabinet Noir, Comic: The Lost Dimension, & Comic: Beneath the Waves)

The Doctor is often extremely reckless ( TV: The Magician's Apprentice, Comic: Terrorformer, TV: Under The Lake, Comic: GangLand, Comic: Fractures, TV: Husbands of River Song, Comic: The Twist, Prose: Big Bang Generation, TV: Smile, TV: Thin Ice, TV: The Lie of The Land, TV: Pyramid at The End of The World, TV: The Doctor Falls, Comic: Terror of the Cabinet Noir & Comic: The Lot Dimension)

This can get to a point where he is throwing himself into a situation where he could easily die in order to save others, or at least solve the problem (TV: Last Christmas, TV: Time Heist, TV: The Lie of The Land, Comic: Clara Oswald and The School of Death) An example id in TV: Time Hist in order to figure out what is going on and how to save the people left in the vault he allows the Teller to read his mind something they know often turns brains to “soup”. In TV: Mummy on The Orient Express The Doctor uses himself as bait to solve the puzzle allowing the ForeTold to lock on to him.

In TV: The Witch’s Familiar he uses his own regeneration energy to beat the Daleks and Davros, causing himself great pain and possibly affecting further versions of The Doctor. It also shows an increased sense of willingness to harm himself when he believes he’s lost, Clara. In a show of further escalation in personal disregard and tendency to cause himself harm these actions happen at an increased rate in his last season.

In TV: Oxygen The Doctor saves Bill by taking off his suit and giving it to her. This act leaves him harmed causing him to be blind, this effect was long-lasting and could have been permanent. During the period where this harm is left on him, in a semi-visible manner, and has a large effect on his well being. He tries to compensate but leaves him frustrated by the effects he caused himself.

Following this in TV: Extremis The Doctor again puts himself in a position to not only almost die, cause himself pain but be willing to put his future on the line.

“Doctor: The thing about the universe is, whatever you need, you can always borrow, as long as you pay it back. I just borrowed from my future. I get a few minutes of proper eyesight, but I lose something. Maybe all my future regenerations will be blind. Maybe I won't regenerate ever again. Maybe I'll drop dead in twenty minutes.”

This shows a lack of regard for any future versions of himself, not caring about planning forward. We know he is guarding missy but if she wanted to get out, it's pretty clear she would have, and Nardole is there to do so. Not to mention she is let out way earlier than the original promise was made for. Not caring or planning for a future is emblematic of depression, C-PTSD and BPD. With BPD part of it is lack of permanence of self and of emotions, something we see heavily with him.

The Doctor carries a profound sense of guilt, even after knowing he was able to keep Gallifrey from becoming completely destroyed we still use a heavyweight about what he has done and has failed to do that has hurt others. (Prose: The Blood Cell, TV: Death in Heaven, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: The Magician's Apprentice/ The Witch's Familiar, TV: Prequel to the magician's apprentice, TV: Thin Ice, TV: The Doctor Falls, TV: Twice Upon a Time) This is referenced in TV: Extremis:

“Angelo: Pope Benedict said that you were more in need of confession than any man breathing. But when the offer was made, you replied it would take too much time. On behalf of the Catholic Church, the offer stands. You seem like a man with regret on his mind.”

The guilt is referenced in Comic: Unearthly Things, when he is unable to save the monster he almost hurts himself doing so. After Clara pulls him back he says

“Doctor: I hope it wasn’t the last of its kind”

This references The Doctor’s own history of being the only one left something he later comments on in TV: The Lie of The Land calling Missy the ‘other of the last of the time lords’. He feels sadness over the idea of others not only facing the same fate but of being the one to end a people.

In TV: Before The Flood Clara references his guilt over all of the people around him over the years,

“Doctor: This isn't a potential future. This is the future now. It's already happened. The proof is right there in front of you. I have to die.

Clara: No. You can change things.

Doctor: I can't. Even the tiniest change, the ramifications could be catastrophic. It could spread carnage and chaos across the universe like ripples on a pond. Oh, well, I've had a good innings. This regeneration, it's a bit of a clerical error anyway. I've got to go some time.

Clara: Not with me! Die with whoever comes after me. You do not leave me.

Doctor: Clara, I need to talk to you just on your own. Listen to me. We all have to face death eventually, be it ours or someone else's.

Clara: I'm not ready yet. I don't want to think about that, not yet.

Doctor: I can't change what's already happened. There are rules.

Clara: So break them. And anyway, you owe me. You've made yourself essential to me. You've given me something else to, to be. And you can't do that and then die. It's not fair.

Doctor: Clara.

Clara: No. Doctor, I don't care about your rules or your bloody survivor's guilt. If you love me in any way, you'll come back. Doctor, are you?

Doctor: I can't save Moran or Pritchard.

Clara: No, but like you said, if you can, if you can find out why this is happening, maybe you can stop them killing anybody else, you can save us. And you can stop it happening to you.”

Connected to guilt are feelings of shame. In the series 9 opening two-parter TV: The Magicians Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar this is a topic that is discussed. Ohila, Clara and Missy all point out that he looks shamed by the actions he took prior to this.

“Davros: Why do you hesitate? No one would know. Clara Oswald is dead. Is this the conscience of The Doctor, or his shame? The shame that brought you here.

Doctor: There's no such thing as The Doctor. I'm just a bloke in a box, telling stories. And I didn't come here because I'm ashamed. A bit of shame never hurt anyone.”

The Doctor is not ignoring or pretending that he doesn’t have anything to be ashamed of. I believe it is something that on its own would be healthy. Recognizing you’ve done wrong is a good thing, but when tied with his other problem and guilt that can cause harm.

Grief laid heavy over this Doctor which is tied to his guilt. (TV: Hell Bent, TV: The Husbands of River Song, TV: Doctor Mysterio, TV: The Woman Who Lives, TV: Last Christmas, TV: Hell Bent) In TV: The Girl Who Died this topic is discussed

“Doctor: I don't mean the war. I'll lose any war you like. I'm sick of losing people. Look at you, with your eyes, and your never giving up, and your anger, and your kindness. One day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe, and I'll do what I always do. I'll get in my box and I'll run and I'll run, in case all the pain ever catches up. And every place I go, it will be there.”

This discusses how grief plagues him and how it hangs as anxiety over him, and that he has spent years running away from pain but also that Twelve is extremely aware that it won’t ever really work.

In TV: Heaven Sent the feelings of grief are newly made, anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and sheer weight of the loss of Clara is as painful to him as the torture itself and how it just never ends.

“Doctor: It's funny, the day you lose someone isn't the worst. At least you've got something to do. It's all the days they stay dead.

Doctor: But I can remember, Clara. You don't understand, I can remember it all. Every time. And you'll still be gone. Whatever I do, you still won't be there.”

In Comic: The Four Doctors we see a version of The Doctor who lost his Clara earlier and was connected to a betrayal.

Gabby Narrating “[ The Doctor] He’s either turned his back on grief and self-doubt---or it’s consumed him completely ”

This Doctor is very similar to a version like The Time Lord Victorious Tenth Doctor, Late Era Eighth Doctor and most importantly we see that it is close to The Doctor we see in TV: Hell Bent. This Doctor took control of another planet like TV: Hell Bent he took control, and revenge over Galifrey. It differs however from season 10 Twelve who see the consumption is more tied with the hopeless and fatigue feelings, unlike this version who fell into grasping for control and anger.

The Doctor is very lonely this idea is something that has been established as following him from his childhood but has become even more prominent as time goes one. This is deeply tied to the grief, his age, depression and traumatic haze that follows him makes even the people he latches on to feels removed. (Prose: Bing Bang Generation, TV: In The Forest of The Night, TV: The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lived, TV: The Return of Doctor Mysterio, TV: Twice Upon A Time, & Comic: The Twist)

This concept is extremely important in Comic: The Boy With The Displaced Smile, the story is about a scared and lonely child being used by a space parasite. The Doctor and the woman he teams up with here are able to help through empathy and understanding of the child. The Doctor comments on how to help him, and the others notice this comes from experience. This shows The Doctor as lonely and sad, and still very much carrying this out of time wounded part in him.

This is referenced in TV: Face The Raven,

“Clara: You. Now, you listen to me. You're going to be alone now, and you're very bad at that. You're going to be furious and you're going to be sad, but listen to me.”

Noting he can’t handle being alone, that he needs people to be able to regulate, this invokes the topic of Co-regulation. The Doctor has difficulties with regulation and his behavioural management becomes more reckless when alone I think that the idea of lacking self-regulation and often needing outside influence is applicable.

In Comic: Relative Dimensions The Doctor faces the Celestial Toymaker again who’s pocket dimension is slowly falling apart. At this point, the Celestial Toymaker is afraid to join with the normal universe. They use the TARDIS to form him a new sealed off toy room, and The Doctor leaves him to continue playing without any push back.

“Doctor: I had to help him, Clara. Can you understand?

Clara: Let me see-- A lonely god drifting through time and space in his magic toy box? Yeah, I understand Doctor. All Too Well.”

The Doctor has depression, this is something clear in this Doctor. (TV: Listen, TV: Into The Dalek, TV: Dark Water/Death In Heaven, TV: Eaters of Light, TV: World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls, TV: Heaven Sent/Hell Bent, Comic: The Boy with The Displaced Smile, TV: Twice Upon A Time)

He experiences hopelessness tied in with some catastrophization,(TV: Heaven Sent, TV: The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lived, TV: Eaters of Light, Comic: The Four Doctor, TV: The Doctor Falls, TV: Twice Upon A Time)

In TV: Last Christmas we see comments on this and general depression,

“Clara: Well, look at you, all happy. That's rare.

Doctor: Do you know what's rarer? Second chances. I never get a second chance, so what happened this time? Don't even know who to thank.”

The Doctor has an extremely poor self-image and it’s a sign of PTSD and depression. (TV: Last Christmas, TV: The Witch's Familiar, Comic: The Four Doctors, TV: Hell Bent, TV: Twice Upon A Time) In TV: Time Heist one clue that helps him work out the architect, who is The Doctor, is that he hates him.

“Doctor: I hate him. He's overbearing, he's manipulative, he likes to think that he's very clever. I hate him! Clara, don't you see?”

This shows that he just literally hates himself. It’s in very clear terms. In TV: Flatline The Doctor admits that Clara was very good at playing Doctor, but tells her that goodness is antithetical to being like him. Showing that he has trouble seeing himself and his actions as something good.

“Doctor: You were an exceptional Doctor, Clara.

Clara: Thank you.

Doctor: Goodness had nothing to do with it.”

In TV: Dark Water The Doctor is talking to Clara after she betrays him

“Clara: I don't deserve a friend like you.

Doctor: Clara, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm exactly what you deserve.”

This notes that he thinks that he is equally as hurtful as she was to him. Reflecting his poor estimation of who he is.

The Doctor has intense fatigue that permeates his Twelfth regeneration (TV: The Eaters of Light, TV: The Witch’s Familiar, TV: Under The Lake/Before The Flood, TV: The Doctor Falls/Twice Upon A Time).

In TV: The Girl Who Died The Doctor has a wave of exhaustion come over him when he realises he didn’t save Ashildr. He sighs harshly and sags visibly.

“Doctor: Yeah. I plugged her into the machine. Used her up like a battery. (sighs) I'm so sick of losing.

Clara: You didn't lose. You saved the town.

Doctor: Yeah. I plugged her into the machine. Used her up like a battery. (sighs) I'm so sick of losing”

We see these feelings crop up again in TV: Heaven Sent

“Doctor: Can't I just sleep?

Blackboard: Question 2. What did you say that made the creature stop?

Doctor: Do I have to know everything?

Blackboard: How are you going to Win??”

Doctor: Clara, I can't always”

And later

“Doctor: Can't I just lose? Just this once?

Doctor; Easy. It would be easy. It would be so easy. Just tell them. Just tell them, whoever wants to know, all about the Hybrid.

Doctor: I can't keep doing this. I can't! I can't always do this! It's not fair! Clara, it's just not fair! Why can't I just lose?”

Connected to this is and recklessness is that near the end of season 10 we pass the behaviour of being willing to get injured to actions that border more on suicidal actions ending with outright suicidal actions.

The Start of the most extreme actions is in TV: The Lie of The Land he uses up regeneration energy in a show of disregard for his possible future, but even more so tries to burn out his own brain, in a last-ditch attempt that likely won’t work to save other people. There were also alternatives to this, one, of course, would result in bills death, but it turned out it could be done without even putting himself in harm. This like the previous discussion of recklessness is self-harm directly and breaching into suicide.

Following this in TV: The Eaters of Light we see Twelve try and die again, while yes someone was going to lose his life, he would be in agony for many years longer than any other of them. There is no way he could have survived this action.

This culminated in TV: The Doctor Falls and TV: Twice Upon a Time where he refuses to regenerate. Refusing to regenerate is a Time Lord equivalent of suicide, as it is ending a life voluntarily. In TV: The Doctor Falls we also see him hold himself in the painful state of suspended regeneration and only putting it off in order to be kind. It ends with him trying to accept death by the cybermen and then refusing and yelling no trying to stop it from happening.

This refusal to regenerate becomes a crucial plot point in TV: Twice Upon A Time. The First Doctor is refusing to regenerate out of fear and Twelve is exhausted. Near the end Twelve discusses this, admitting to Nardole that he does want to die to due to the pain of his memories and grief.

“Nardole: Don't die. Because if you do, I think everybody in the universe might just go cold.

Doctor: Can't I ever have peace? Can't I rest?

Bill: Of course you can.

Nardole: It's your choice.

Bill: Only yours.

Nardole: We understand.

Doctor: No. No, you don't. You're not even really here. You're just memories held in glass. Do you know how many of you I could fill? I would shatter you. My testimony would shatter all of you. A life this long, do you understand what it is? It's a battlefield, like this one, and it's empty. Because everyone else has fallen. Thank you. Thank you both, for everything that you were to me. What happens now, where I go now, it has be alone.”

When at the end of this he does regenerate, this exchange and much of The Doctor’s action shows how suicidal Twelve became near the end. This also echoes sentiments from TV: Heaven Sent & TV: The Girl Who Died. These sentiments and suicidality are textbook depression, BPD & C-PTSD. It shows loneliness, fatigue, guilt, grief, memories, isolation, feelings of emptiness and attachment struggles.

A topic connected to this I find discussed often when people analysis the New Who Doctor’s, especially when talking about the thirteenth Doctor, placing Twelve as someone who has a linear path toward healing from grief and trauma. This point of view is usually framed as the stages of grief, so the thinking is this: Nine represents denial, Ten anger, Eleven bargaining, Twelve depression And ending with Thirteen as acceptance

I find this analysis to be deeply over-simplistic. [I've talked about it a few times on my Tumblr.] That analysis ignores much of The Doctor as a whole and has a frustratingly terrible understanding of trauma.

It only cares about the new who Doctors, even excluding the ones who participated in the time war which it purports to be analysing The Doctor as having mostly healed from through Twelves arc culmination in Thirteen being removed from the trauma and loss completely. But The Eighth Doctor and War Doctor both participated in the time war and had differing reactions to the trauma. It excludes that Nine had a lot of depressed and angry feelings, it would have Ten only be anger but we see textbook bargaining in Ten and also heaps of denial lying to Martha, Eleven is deeply angry and depressed. While I agree Twelve suffers from depression he has anger, and his depression engulfs him at the end meaning the transition from that depression is confusing just as ten’s anger is eating at him.

Legitimately healing would mean that the steps towards acceptance wouldn’t be the things getting worse for most. Even if you think it’s allegory then I wonder why Eleven wouldn’t have bargaining as something prevalent as the main characteristic seen by many.

The next part of this is that people seem to be seeing The Time War as the only important trauma and grief Twelve is dealing with. This is reductive, likely part of people who see war as the only thing that can cause PTSD. I have discussed before that trauma starts building up with the first Doctor, The Doctor is classic complex trauma. But for this specific section, we are focused on the traumatic experience that happens close to his regeneration and during it.

As I discussed before Trenzalore is a war that Twelve experienced directly before he began, something that would explain the heightened distaste for soldiers and war Twelve has even more so than elven. Which shows to me that Twelve along with having just differing reactions it’s likely something retraumatized him in a similar manner.

The episodes of extreme injury The Doctor suffered are enough to trauma on their own. Examples include having his energy sucked (TV: The Witch’s Familiar), being in the vacuum of space and going blind (TV: Oxygen), and Burning his brain up twice (TV: Extremis/Pyramid at The End of The World/Lie of The Land).

Many traumas are experienced directly by Twelve. The standout experience is during TV: Heaven Sent. Twelves experience four and a half billion years of torture. This is done by his own people, people whom he saved and spent years wanting back and looking for. They hurt his friend in this process as well, the pain this causes most have been deeply traumatic. Another part of this is that The Doctor stayed in this torture chamber and let himself be hurt over and over when as he comments he could have given in. It’s a willingness to experience extreme pain, to try and retain some control, and possibly save Clara. But as Clara says in TV: Hell Bent she was dead and this in and of itself was trauma, combined with the guilt of having harmed others through it.

The loss of his friends and the way it’s tied to his own choices is traumatic as well. (TV: Face The Rave, TV: World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls). River Song is also seen for the last time in The Doctor’s timeline here which is another loss and could be re-traumatizing from experience dating back to Tenth Doctor. (TV: Husbands of River Song)

Seeing all this shows that The Doctor is still experiencing Complex-Trauma and this happens on top of his already existing C-PTSD. The perception he is healing or starting to accept can also be seen as him having “the most” PTSD whereas I also disagree with this, he just has another way of showing his PTSD as well as BPD.

Lastly in the subject of I think common views on him being near healing is saying that his regeneration is one of accepting and wanting to move forward.

Usually, people who hold this viewpoint at his ending message to the next Doctor;

“Doctor: You wait a moment, Doctor. Let's get it right. I've got a few things to say to you. Basic stuff first. Never be cruel, never be cowardly, and never, ever eat pears! Remember, hate is always foolish. and love is always wise. Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind... Argh! But nobody else. Nobody else, ever. Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. Doctor, I let you go.”

But I think pulling only this last part misses much of regeneration story,

First paying attention to the pieces of dialogue I noted before when talked over fatigue, grief and suicidal ideation,

“Nardole: Don't die. Because if you do, I think everybody in the universe might just go cold.

Doctor: Can't I ever have peace? Can't I rest? ”

Then right before the speech to thirteen, when he actually finally chooses to regenerate it’s not a moment of acceptance at all.

“Doctor: Oh, there it is. The silly old universe. The more I save it, the more it needs saving. It's a treadmill.

TARDIS: beeps, flashes and burbles

Doctor: Yes, yes, I know. They'll get it all wrong without me. I suppose one more lifetime wouldn't kill anyone. Well, except me.”

What I think this actually shows that when he regenerates he is doing it out of obligation to protect the universe. He is literally choosing to regenerate because “They'll get it all wrong without me”. When he says “Doctor I let you go” I don't believe it’s necessarily a statement of hope and healing, but more part of the Identity Construction of The Doctor being apart from him, and yes passing the torch, but the torch of being there for the universe for others.

Choosing to continue living out of obligation to others, even if in reality he just wants to die as he is, as himself. Even within the story as I’ve talked about there are more accepting regenerations. The Third, Fourth, Ninth and Eleventh Doctor’s are all more accepting of the change. Twelve himself’s more honest version he presents of who he is and what he’s been through could be connected to a Doctor who had to stay in the wake of his actions.

Overall Twelve displays a great deal of struggle with mental health, Flashbacks, Hyperarousal, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, fatigue, unstable beliefs, constructed identity, traumatic implicit programming, agitation, recklessness, attachment issues, enmeshment, low self-confidence, self-injury and suicidal ideation. This regeneration has a gruff and more honest projection of himself and is more honest about his own difficulties, with Clara mostly. This Doctor is interesting as someone who lives in the wake of some of the lowest actions of Eleventh regeneration as well as the highest moment of saving Gallifrey.

Using the lens of trauma I believe we can get a lot of insight into Twelve's character and help understand this character who is often viewed in a reductionist manner.

[Also Posted on my Archive of Our Own page in a series with the other doctor study posts]

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