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likealittleheartbeat · 8 months

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Rant time: the general atla fandom’s resistance to zukaang highlights a lot of problems in current fandom and fiction. The resistance is about a point around which we refuse imagination and connection. Specifically, we observe fiction as something to gaze at rather than to connect with. So, aang is denied desire because of his age, religiosity, and racially-linked gendered embodiment, which, this conservative portion of the fandom argues, should deny us to relating to or even considering his subjectivity.

“You’re Just A Child”: Aang’s Age

When it comes to shipping aang, suddenly the conversation becomes about the canon--the age gaps, the immaturity, the cultural ties. 12 years old is prime middle school age in the US, the very essence of sexual development. But many fandom members are not engaging with how they felt and experienced that age. Instead, they’re viewing Aang from a separate vantage point and expecting the same mental process from others. These are where the claims of p*do come from when talking about him within shipping. They suggest that engaging with his character is a desire to observe him voyeuristically since many in the fandom are not actually twelve (ignoring the fact that many fandom members are also significantly older than the other characters they adore and offer subjectivity). Their argument continues that it’s not possible to empathize with him. Only objectification is possible, especially in regards to sensuality, as if that is a category has a different process of psychological relating than all others.

But all this becomes most important for these fandom members when putting him in relationship to the other slightly older characters. These arguments must begin by ignoring the fact that most fanfics and art for the zukaang ship and most ships in the atla fandom are simply disengaged from the canonical ages of the characters. A ton of the works are aged up, and those that aren’t don’t discuss the ages because they are working on the assumption that everyone within their fic are at similar levels of maturity to engage with romantic feelings. At the end of the day, most artists and writers are more interested in exploring the dynamics between richly developed character traits that are pretty unrelated to the character’s ages. Still, ships with Aang, and especially Zukaang somehow receive the most attention for tensions due to the canonical ages (despite the creators disinterest in the topic). Even the Toph ships, which have a canonically younger character with bigger age gaps between her and her partners, don’t receive the same pervasive criticism as the Aang ships.

Avatar Aang: Aang’s Religion and Race

One reason is that he’s perceived as the “pure” cinnamon bun of the series; “pure” as in purile and “pure” as in puritanical. Plenty has been written about purity culture in the fandom, enough that I don’t feel a strong need to elaborate. However, I do want to point to Aang’s role as a religious figure, a monk, in the series. Perceptions crafted through the history of Christianity alongside the practices of many other religions associate religion and celibacy, which I think played into further discomfort with allowing Aang a sexuality. If this is your association, it would counteract Aang’s narrative development of wisdom and self-control to believe he might also be developing sexual maturity throughout the series. Of course, Zen Buddhist philosophies, which were majorly influential in developing the show’s themes and Aang’s character, allow for monks to have sex and get married, and they openly address issues of sex and sexuality. The deeply sexually conservative view held by purity culture then forces Aang, even moreso than other characters, into a de-sexualized pigeon hole.

A desexualized characterization is also a claim hefted onto East Asian men at a stupidly outrageous rate by Western culture. They’re allowed to be cute, mannered, wise, even cool, etc. but when it comes to a kind of subjective sexuality, East Asian men are emasculated (stemming from a deep history of Western colonialism/xenophobia and a specific kind of patriarchal ideology in Euro-America). The pacifistic Buddhist-inspired beliefs he practices especially render him as distinct from the rugged individualist of American masculinity and even the elitist intellectual masculinist of Western European cultures. Can masculinity exist without dominance? Can a relationship exist without antagonistic tension? Sure, we get the fluff ships, but where does that blur into and coexist with the erotic? Aang, as a character, forces the audience to consider the reality of his pain, desire, and strength, despite his refusal to demonstrate that in warfare and courtship. Among what manner would someone demonstrate these inner worlds if they won’t exert them on subjugated bodies? It’s a conflict of worldviews that took shape dramatically during the height of colonization, where the colonized were often blamed and maligned for their failures to resist colonization. These beliefs then developed into stereotypes about the masculinity of different races. The stereotypes that have held on from colonialism alongside of unique cultural ideas about masculinity make Aang a hard figure for people indoctrinated into these beliefs to appreciate.

Aang’s Gender Expression

The fandom is forced to contend with his age, his colonized subjectivity, and, on top of all that, he’s denied the authority socially ascribed to his gender. Toph is the ‘tough guy,’ which Western audiences equate with more maturity, when what it actually equates to in the Euro-American psyche is masculinity. This correlation between masculinity and maturity allows Toph to escape the claims that make Aang an especially dangerous object for fanworks. Aang’s softness and passivity correlate him to femininity in this traditional perspective. Essentially, for the atla fans wearing their purity culture lenses, Aang, if sexualized, is feminine and therefore immature and therefore defenseless to predators. What’s wild is the way the Ember Island Players episode evokes and predicts these kind of reactions with its virginal damsel-in-distress actress depiction of Aang (”My hero!”).

But the zukaang ship really lends a microscope to the matter, because, in every demographic way, Aang’s character is denied the structural trappings of power within the relationship.This means that even those inclined to appreciate softer ideas about masculinity and/or more empowered ideas of feminine and colonized subjectivities can feel reticent to engage with the ship. Within an identity politic framework, the zukaang ship dynamics render Aang submissive: he is the colonized subject in relation to a colonizer; he is the more traditionally feminine partner; he’s more pious; he’s more passive; he is canonically younger. One might go even farther to suggest all of these submissive qualities make him seductive to Zuko in the narrative as he abandons his own nation for Aang, placing Aang in a trope familiar to both gender narratives within Euro-Christian traditions (the Biblical seductresses, like Eve and Jezebel, or more recently, Lolita) and colonial narratives (see, “Indian Princesses” or “Dragon Ladies”). If we go deeper into the archives we’ll also find colonial p*derast narratives (if you have a strong stomach, you can look up Andre Gide, as an example). All these possible features make the relationship especially threatening to modern sensibilities.

Now, I want to emphasize that there are legitimate reasons for the connections that we draw which ignite this fear. The article, “A Modern History of Groomer Politics” by Jesse Walker, lays out some of these complicated and hard-to-read histories, which illustrate how gay and queer rights (especially on the side of those assigned male at birth) became associated with p*dophilia. The Homoerotics of Orientalism by Joseph A. Boone is another read that lays out why people are especially sensitive to age gaps within queer colonial contexts. Suffice it to say, to engage with the zukaang ship requires a deft touch not simply to avoid these histories and tropes but, as seen in many of the fandoms works, to challenge them. Still, the associations trigger reactions for people before they can process any of the actual content.

But even outside the zukaang ship, there is a sense that Aang’s gender expression and sexuality are so much more queer (even the Kataang ship, in its heterosexuality, is perceived as transgressive to the romance genre in comparison to the more traditional Z*tara ship because many people find it challenging to imagine Katara’s attraction to Aang and feel so much more drawn to relationships built around hierarchical colonial relationships rather than relationships that ignore the colonizer entirely). He’s inherently disruptive to the gender expressions that are considered acceptable in western tradition, especially by the hero of the story.

Within the context of the zukaang ship, Aang’s character becomes the most queered, though, and I think that’s deeply uncomfortable for a portion of fandom. They don’t know how to allow someone subjectivity who uses docility as his strength to grow and face the world rather than aggression. Instead, for them, Aang’s docility traps him within a perpetual childhood (or, at most, a eunuch-like domestic role for the queen, Katara). Even as they allow themselves to alter every other aspect of the fiction they love, they are at a loss to handle and develop his character in their works. His youth, his race, and his imperfect saintliness, are all upheld and braided together within the confines of purity culture to argue against the morality of rewarding him romantic and subsequently sexual relationships, and, at its worse, to depict him at all.

#atla meta #zukaang #aang #buddhism #fandom problems #had this in my drafts for over a year #someone's message got me about people on twitter got me back to it #atla #meta

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jujutsukgojo · 3 months

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Heat of the island

“How’d he die, (Y/n)?” Katsuki asks for the last time.

The last time for all of them.

There is something in the air. A sharpness to the quality that just doesn’t sit right. It is past tension and disbelief. Whatever it is, it’s off-putting and confusing. Something isn’t right and you may be the only one to notice it.

And that’s terrifying being among heroes.

A/N: i dont own bnha. tried to edit this the best i could. it's not the best but it'll work tw: plane crash, minor character death, allergies. reader x deku, reader x shouto

“Is everyone clear on the proper procedure?” You ask with your most professional voice.

“She’s acting like she doesn’t know us.” You point to the “whisperers” who are huddled together rather than listening to your instruction. “I do know you unfortunately, which is why I’m asking if you understand.”

Kaminari cackles and Kirishima rubs the back of his neck and mutters an apology. Mina jumps up with Ochako and Tsu, singing a tune about a fabulous vacation. Momo smiles sweetly and encourages it. It’s a wonder how they got through school like this, honestly.

Rolling your eyes, you go to the cockpit. Normally, you would take one of your bigger aircrafts when sporting this many people. It's just Ol’ Betty, your beautiful creation, is your flight of choice today. She wanted to fly again since it’s been a hot minute.

When you were a student in U.A., you worked tirelessly on a plane. A plane that would be safe, light, and secure. One built for speed and is amphibious too. No matter how many times Power Loader told you to make anything other than Betty, and how people made fun of her look, you were determined to finish her. Her mixed pieces of old junk metal, mix matched parts and seats, made her unique and familiar.

Finally, she was born in the nick of time. Right when Shigaraki attacked U.A. and the defenses crashed, it was you who gathered people into Betty and her attachments. She took off like lightning to Shitesku. It was your own version of heroism. Perhaps this is why these heroes trust you so much with Betty. Although she was made by your own hands, she is the best of the best. No other plane was up for the job to transport so many people yet there you and Betty were, ready, willing, and able.

You sit down and nod to your co-pilot, Jay. The plane comes to life and drives. Seconds later, she’s in the air she was made for.

“You sure are eating a lot of those.” Jay continues to eat his fifth bag of peanuts. “They’re good.”

“Honey roasted?” You ask.

“How’d you know?” You side eye him. “’Cause they’re mine punk, slow down on them.”

Jay smacks his lips and continues to eat them with one hand. You’ve known Jay since before you got your license. He was in General Studies, wanting to be a pilot. He sought you out for you to train him. Ever since then, he’s been your right hand. Jay was taking notes on how to create a Betty of his own, even though he criticized every little thing you did. To this day you want to smack the shit out of him.

“It’s okay, though. It's fair since I ate your Debbie’s.” He shrieks. “You ate my Little Debbie’s?”

You hum in response with a grin on your face. “I just love Zebra Cakes.”

“You motherfucker. I can’t have nothing nice.” He pouts and rolls his eyes at you. You laugh at him, just enjoying the ride.

The heroes you are carrying, Uravity, Deku, Dynamite, Pinky, Chargebolt, Creati, Red Riot, Froppy, Anima, and Shouto, are all relaxing and enjoying the ride. Shouto, as you suspected, is asleep the moment the flight started. Katsuki relaxes by the window at first until Izuku starts to excitedly talk about their vacation. The girls sing together and Denki dances in his seat, slightly scaring Koda who just wants to land already. Lastly, there is Eijiro who’s just trying to survive.

All these crazy ass people aboard your precious child. Thankfully, it doesn’t require gasoline like regular, old fashioned planes. No, your baby is charged up with energy and her own determination to go and get them away from you and to their vacation.

“Where are we headed anyway?” You show your co-pilot an island just west of Japan. It should be no more than a few hours flight if that long. With your experience of flying this way, it will be a breeze if everything cooperates, which no doubt it will. Betty is a speed loving machine that has never failed.

“They’re going on vacation. It’s our job to get them there and celebrate when they leave,” You poke your friend on the shoulder and whisper, “And preferably leave with a couple of drinks.”

Setting the course, you put on auto-pilot and pat Jay. “I’ll be back I have to use the bathroom.” In just a few minutes you are out of the bathroom and face your passengers.

“Pilot?” You turn to see Izuku shyly say your nickname that was given to you in high school. “Thanks for the ride.” A slight blush paints his cheeks. He looks away not wanting you to see it. The big guy practically takes up the doorway.

When you two met, you were in high school. You in the support department and him in the hero course. While he usually went to Mei for gear, you were visited for more flight-based items. Once Izuku triggered his Float, he was a client of yours too. Especially when he discovered that you were quirkless. Throughout U.A. it was only the two of you who were quirkless. Moreso you than him given One For All. Nevertheless, the coincidence of quirklessness gave a sense of camaraderie between the two of you.

Growing up with him for three years you got to see the many changes in his body. By the third year, he grew over a foot if not more. Now in the mid-twenties, his muscles are proportionate to his height. He still has his green curls but they’re shorter with an undercut now. His green eyes are still very round and big while his freckles are still prominent on his cheeks.

Honestly, it’s insane how much he’s changed physically. Izuku Midoriya is a man now. A deep voiced man that is so shy around you. Deep inside, he’s still a little nerd.

“My pleasure Izuku.” He turns beat red at the sound of his first name. After all this time he’s still blushing from it. You’ve never been one to call others by their last name. Hell, the teachers at U.A. don’t even get that treatment. You’ll never forget Shouta’s face whenever you called him that. His hair stood up and eyes glowed red and not by his quirk.

Though nothing could top Izuku’s reaction. Steam came out of his ears so much that you thought his poor head would pop off. “T-t-tanks-I mean thanks!”

Not giving up the chance to mess with him, you press it. “Well, how could it not be my pleasure to fly the number one hero.” You tease. Izuku wants to cover his face so badly.

Without the need of a mind reading quirk, you can hear the ‘You’re a hero, Izuku! You’ve faced tougher than this! You’re a man now, not a kid.’

When he first became a hero, you caught him telling himself that. Ever since then you’ve just known when he was saying it. You can admit that he’s cute. Hell, maybe not cute as much as handsome. He straightens up and stares at you dead on, ready to say something. “ Deku! You’re acting like Mineta, you little-”

“Don’t be mad because you're still on the ‘Pilot’ level, Katsuki. He’s got first name privileges.” You yell over Izuku’s shoulder. “I do?”

“Yep! It’s okay, Izuku.” You squeeze his callous, large hand. “Go on sit down. This is a safety hazard.”

“It is?!” Mina asks. “ Yes, it is miss . You’d know this if y’all listened!” It isn’t anymore at least. Not since you’ve taken off and have been in the air for a while. It's an innocent lie to get them to calm down.

You take off back to the cockpit, pushing back the red curtains for just a moment. Teenage you didn’t think about a door, okay? So the curtains stay for now.

Deciding not to check if Betty is on track, you instead lean back and enjoy the ride. Betty is on autopilot anyway. Nothing is going to go wrong.

With the singing and laughing in the back, the quiet sound of your own song, you don’t realize that this is the last bit of happiness and that you should have been more observant of your surroundings.

Suddenly, the sky is flushed with a dark blue that morphs into a stormy grey. Clouds are fluffy and reveal some streaks of light in their creases. There hasn’t been any noise yet. Nevertheless, the image itself is telling. There is a deep, eerie feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“Thunderstorm? There were no reports today...”

Before the ride, you checked everything to see how the air would be. Nothing showed that this should be happening. It was forecast that it would be a mild day. However, random storms can occur. Nothing is ever set.

Mina’s shouting is the clearest of them all. “What’s wrong with the plane!”

The turbulence is always scary for passengers. You grab the speaker and say beautiful words. “Please shut up. It's just a thunderstorm.”

“Are we going to die?!” You roll your eyes. Turbulence is scary but not concerning. It happens all the time.

“Denki, please shut up. No one is going to die. It's just a storm. We've been through worse.” You hang up the mic and continue on. It is weird that this happened so suddenly. There wasn’t any indication either. It was just a sudden darkness that washed against the sky after what seemed like a wave of blue. It kind of reminded you of an actual ocean wave.

“It’s fine. Nothing you haven’t been through before, (Y/n).”

Minutes pass with ease and only the slightest turbulence. Jay has been suspiciously quiet for a while. “Probably asleep, knowing him.”

Poking him, you call him. “Jay, how’d you expect to get to this level if you’re sleeping?”

He’s turned away from you. All you can see is the back of his head and the collar of his jacket high up on his neck, close to his cheeks. Pushing him now, you see him clearly when his face turns to you. His face has a tinge of blue and it’s swollen.

You scream at the top of your lungs.

“Jay? Jay?! Jay!” You shake him. What the hell is going on?! He was just fine minutes ago! You continue to shake him and call his name. It takes a moment for everything to dawn on you. The coldness of his skin finally wakes you up. It all starts to make sense. The peanuts, the silence, the equipment, the storm, all of it. You look at the screens again. No fucking wonder, it's because you’re off course. Jay was never sleeping. As he was suffering at some point, he must have messed with the controls on accident when you weren’t here.

He isn’t sleeping. Jay is swollen and blue and has crusted tears. Calling and crying his name isn’t waking him up. He’s not breathing.

His seatbelt is off at the worst time. A particularly strong turbulence interrupts your cries for your friend. The bounce of the plane is so strong that it moves his body on top of the dash. Tears stream down your face.

“Jay, I love you. But move your dead body!”

You push him off to control the plane again. Again, a blue color surrounds the sky that doesn’t look natural. It looks like a light almost. “Pilot? What’s going on?”

Izuku rushes to you only to see you crying, trying to get control of the plane and Jay on the ground, motionless.

“I didn’t even know. He had a check up! I-he pushed-he's cold! Check on him, please! ”

This can’t be happening. For some reason, the plane isn’t cooperating. In all of your experience, nothing like this has ever happened. The plane is refusing to steer correctly. Checking your equipment, you can see from your end that everything is fine. As a pilot, you need to take responsibility, yes. You shouldn’t have been negligent. But, at this moment, it feels as if the plane is being pulled down.

Izuku doesn’t know what’s happening here, but what is so painfully obvious is that the plane is about to crash. No matter how much you try to lift it, Betty refuses to raise up.

How could this have happened? How? Jay doesn’t have a peanut allergy! He had a check up recently and ate peanuts all the time before. It had been a while, but honey roasted was his favorite! Maybe it’s not peanuts? It could have been anything, right?

You killed him.

What else could have done him in?

Jay, Jay, Jay! He's so cold too. You are the one who bought the peanuts. You watched him eat them. You are the one who wasn't paying attention.

“Izuku, go sit down!”

“I can’t, (Y/n).” Before questioning why, he leans in and says, “My danger sense is going off.”

There’s a flash of lightning and the rain is pouring so hard it’s pounding. The lights are going crazy as the plane continues to bounce from the strange force and your will to control it.

Deep inside of your gut you feel it too. The plane dodges the strikes of lightning. Usually, you’d be able to navigate a storm and planes wouldn’t have to worry about dodging. However, this storm is drastically different. It’s not natural, you can feel it. Can Izuku?

“Obviously! We’re going down! Just try to sit your ass down.”

Finally, you see a small strip of land, an island. You could try to continue to fly through this or land until it gets better. Another wash of blue comes for the plane right as lightning strikes brightly. Your head begins to hurt, you feel dizzy and confused. A sharp chill runs up your spine and makes your hair stand up. For some reason your eyes can’t seem to focus on anything.

You push the special landing gear. Izuku wraps his large body around you, purely on instinct. Stretching your arm to push one more button and the yoke, you somehow, among all the chaos and heartbreak, are actually managing to land the plane.

The plane dives as you say, and the blessed features come out in time. Along with the average plane safety features, you installed a soft pad that lightens the plane before impact and if need be, floats in water. A parachute deploys and sends a bright flare into the sky. Cushions envelope the passengers to brace for impact. All these features were put in when you were a teen. They were random and some were based on heroes. Power Loader would roll his eyes at it until he saw it work when All For One and Shigaraki tried to take it down. Every passenger on board was completely safe.

After that, no one ever made fun of Betty. Funny how far you and Betty have fallen. Literally.

Strong arms tighten around you, Izuku pushes himself in front of you. With one last effort, you stretch your hand higher. “Iz-uku! One more .”

Screaming, your finger finally presses the button for nearby pilots, authorities, and radios for help. There is a good chance that it won't work. Nevertheless, Betty was going down by this mysterious storm and you can swear that there’s something pulling her down.

---

You wake up first. By the time that happens, the sun is shining brightly, and the heat is horrible. Tremendously sweating, it gets worse when Izuku becomes a boa constrictor and squeezes you. Your face smashes into his chest. “Izuku, please...” You gasp.

Moving slightly, your mouth comes to face his neck. Heavily breathing, you bite his neck. He wakes up with a hiss. “W-what?”

“Wake up, please.” A whisper is enough to make him alert. Izuku pops up and looks around. Somehow, he’s completely intact despite using himself as a cushion for you. His green eyes study you. His hands roam over your body to look for any wounds.

“Are you okay? Can you see me?” You nod and prop yourself up. “Slow down, slow down, Pilot.”

Groaning, you tell him you’re alright but you’re not sure about everyone else. “A cushion should’ve deployed. We have to go check though.”

As Izuku holds you up, Jay’s body lay behind him. “Huh?” Izuku looks behind him.

“What?” You try to see what he is staring at, but Izuku shuts that down.

“Sh, sh, don’t look. Don’t look.” Izuku holds your face towards him and leads you away. Your eyes burn and lip wobbles. It’s a surprise when lips touch your head.

You don’t even think about that. Who cares? Jay is gone. Betty crashed. The passengers may be gone for all that’s known. Where are you? The course was set, and the sky was clear. No storm came up on your reports and equipment. Not even a hint of a formation.

Jay, oh Jay. What did you do?

Why are you blaming him, you who bought the peanuts? You who didn’t check on him. Some friend you are. You killed him. You should’ve known what was happening. You swallow hard at the nausea. You whisper so quietly, Izuku doesn’t hear you. “God help me...” Help Jay, help everyone.

Everyone is safe, as far as you can see. The cushions on their chairs safely encased them. The seatbelts are wrapped around their body. You give a sigh of relief that there isn't a gory sight.

Walking to the first aid kit, you get the scanner that checks not only their temperature, but also any wounds they may carry. It is something Recovery Girl gave you when you helped at U.A.’s fortress all those years ago. You press it to Koda’s forehead then bring it down.

“97, sore throat?” That never happens with Koda. As long as you have known him, he has always made sure to care for his throat. Hell, Momo relishes that he comes to her for tea and honey. Then again, the sore throat could have been from him screaming, if he even did.

The news that he was generally okay feels like a heavy weight’s been lifted. That news alone is not able to completely release the guilt and heartache, however. There is still so much that needs to be done, to be figured out, to be buried.

“Katsuki, 98, no injuries.”

His usual, if you remember, is at least 105 or so. It always ranged whenever he used his quirk recently. That tends to happen for all of those who have fire-based quirks. Out of curiosity, you press your finger to his palm. The callous skin is cooler than it usually is. In fact, his hands are completely dry as well. There is not a hint of moisture.

You go through all of them except Shouto, whose eyes have opened. He rubs the back of his head and looks around confused. Each seemed relatively normal and with little to no injuries. The oddities are how their usual care is opposite, like how Koda’s throat is sore and how Katsuki’s palms are cooled down.

At least they’re okay.

This whole thing is surreal. Nothing about what happened makes sense given how sudden it was and yet, everything is okay. Almost as if it never happened. Like the rush of a blue hue wasn’t there or the feel of the pull was imaginary.

“Izuku, face me.” He reads at a normal temperature with only a few bruises and exhaustion. “Did you check yourself?”

“I’m fine. Isn’t it weird that everything is okay? And they’re reading the opposite of what they usually are?”

“It could be faulty. You still need to be checked at least.”

“Even though it’s faulty?” Izuku rolls his eyes and reaches for the device.

Steps are heard then. “Here, I'll do it.” A barely cool right hand presses the device at your head. Shouto used to help with Recovery Girl with you when U.A. was a fortress. He felt that it was his duty because of the destruction Dabi caused. With you being in the support course, you had also taken up a few tips and tricks with Recovery Girl. Following her around and learning led you to be a big help during the wars and the fortress.

You taught Shouto everything he knows. Does he remember it? Probably not, the spacey brat.

“A mild concussion.” Well damn. “Are you sure, Shouto?”

Izuku looks at the device too. “We have to sit her down.” Izuku agrees and helps you sit at one of the passenger seats. “I’m so sorry, Pilot. I should’ve done better,” You pet his hand that rests on your shoulder.

“Watch her while I go check everything out.” He reluctantly leaves but knows you are safe in Shouto’s hands.

You take the device and move Shouto’s hair so you can place it directly on Shouto’s forehead. “I need two.”

“I know, this is just to check something. 98.” You place it on both sides of his forehead, only to get the same results.

This is off. Usually, a fire based user will run warm and an ice user runs cold. In Shouto’s case, if he hasn’t used his quirk and is fine, the device should read ERR. It is normal to have to put two scanners on his head just to read what his temperatures are in case he isn’t alright. You remember the first time having to do a little math on him when he became sick.

Never has he ever been a normal human temperature. “I could just be off, Y/n.”

“Or the device is? It's hot out, so Katsuki's palms should be sweating a ton. And shouldn't we all be a little warmer because of the heat? But none of that is happening.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think so. It's right about you. You don't look too good.” He grabs it from you and tosses it to another chair. You put your head in your hands.

“Nothing feels real.” He rubs your arms. He’s always been very comforting and awkward. “What happened?”

It takes a few moments to remember everything, which you feel isn’t much. He nods as you tell of the random storm and how Jay is dead. “I feel like there’s more, though.”

“Well, the injury is minor. You'll be better in a day at most."

Aggravated noises come from behind Shouto. “What the fuck just happened?!”

Katsuki walks towards his friend (who he still won’t admit is his friend). “Where the hell is she!”

“I’m here, Katsuki.” Shouto stands when you give yourself away. “What the hell is going on? What the fuck did you do?”

“It was an accident.” Katsuki gets into Shouto’s face. “Yeah? By whose account? I know you can’t believe her.”

You understand he’s scared. It’s expected. But to think you’d endanger them on purpose is hurtful. Shouto defends you every step of the way. “Ask Midoriya then if you don’t believe. He was with her.”

The blond leaves with heavy stomping. “Deku!”

Shouto squats in front of you. “It’s going to be okay, Pilot.”

“I don’t understand this at all.” You truly don’t. And neither does Shouto, you think.

No more than an hour later, everyone is up and outside. The heat is slowly becoming worse, and the air is too dry. The sand is doing nothing to help. The waves carry on in the background, doing little to overpower the loud complaints from everyone.

Mina is screaming that she can’t use her quirk. Eijrou can barely harden, Katsuki gives the saddest explosions that cause him pain, Koda can only get a bird’s attention, this is the same trend for everyone. What is worse is that Izuku can only feel the embers of One For All and gave you a hurt expression when discovered. As if you had taken it from him.

Painful, absolutely painful.

As the sun beats down on everyone, you swear you can see a sheer blue tint around you. It graces ever so slightly on their skin. The same color lays all around you. The ground, the abundant trees, Betty, even the waves as much as you can tell. You want to voice your thoughts, but the situation at hand doesn’t call for it.

------------

The heroes start to calm down. Momo, as usual, begins to plan for shelter from the heat. Koda and Eijrou immediately run around for anything of use. It isn’t until Mina asks a question does everybody stop.

“Where’s Jay?” Mina asks. As the hour passed, your head began to get better. You inform everyone of a much clearer picture than you had told Shouto. How you found him, how the dash acted off, everything.

Mina gasps. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. His face was swollen and his body was blue when I got there. It must’ve been the peanuts! What else could it have been, y’know? He was completely fine when I left for the bathroom.” You sniffle.

“Allergies can develop at any age. Even later in life so it’s not impossible, Pilot.” Denki reassures. You rub your face with your hands. Katsuki leaves to go into the plane’s controls to check on him. “There’s always hope, you know.” Eijrou says as he rubs your shoulder.

“It doesn’t feel real. None of it does. How could this have happened? He just had a checkup. Everything was on the up and up. How did this happen?"

“It never does feel right. There is never a good answer, either.” You nod and lean into the touch of the large red headed man.

“Huh, what’d she say about Jay?” Katsuki calls. You yell back your answer, completely confused. Suddenly, he appears with Jay. Jay, who doesn’t look at all as you described. Gasping, you run to him. Instead, he...looks normal.

Completely fine. Inside you is a delicate flower of hope blooms. Did you see wrong? Is he just sleeping? Could it have been a horrifying illusion?

“Oh my God. Jay? Jay!” Katsuki holds him out. You lightly tap his face. Abandoning the taps, you go on to slight shakes.

Your friend is still dead as a cold doorknob. The flower that tried to blossom is crushed to dust, as if Tomura himself had reached his hand and touched your chest. “What really happened, L/n.”

L/n. He hasn’t called you that since your first meeting when you were fifteen. As they study Jay, everyone gets increasingly confused.

He repeats his question as a whisper that only you two hear. “I swear-”

Katsuki Bakugou doesn’t believe you.

“I-I swear, okay? Izuku can testify that I'm not lying. Jay was swollen and everything. The swelling must’ve gone down.”

“And the color?” His face is still accusatory. “I don’t know, I don’t know! I can’t think of anything else that would cause it.” Tsu puts her finger on her chin. “Is that possible? If that’s the case, then maybe it fumes that killed him?”

“What fumes,” Shouto comes to look at Jay. “Can cause this?”

You shrug. “I didn’t smell any.”

“But if he was blue, can people become unblue?” Denki squints as he inspects your friend’s body. “How’d he die, (Y/n)?” Katsuki asks for the last time.

The last time for all of them.

And that’s terrifying being among heroes.

----------

“They’re supposed to be here by now.” Shouta Aizawa leans back in his chair with a beer in his hand. Going to the island for vacation wasn’t his idea or something he was looking forward to, but damn is he glad he went. With the beautiful sandy floor, the fresh breeze and beautiful waves, all of it is gorgeous. The lagoon to his right where his colleagues frolic around to the sky where the birds roam free.

Paradise.

Tenya rubs sunscreen on his arms. “Sensei?” He asks as he puts out the lotion towards the hero. “I’m not your teacher anymore, kid.”

His old class have grown tremendously. Iida, or should he say, Ingenium, is one of the most in demand heroes. His speed is unrivaled even by One For All. Iida has grown to save all of those in his path, making not only his old teacher proud but his brother as well.

Iida’s still a stick in the mud though. And he still does those robot hands for some reason.

“Haha, I know. At least officially you aren’t. But trust, Aizawa-sensei, we’ll always see you that way.”

Rolling his eye, he takes the bottle from the former class president. It is seconds later that Hitoshi, who Shouta can consider his own protégé, comes up to them and informs them that they have lost contact with your plane a little over an hour ago with a parting message that is nearly impossible to understand due to the static.

Shouta jumps up with a poorly concealed worried look. If you can go down, something is terribly wrong. There is no way a renowned pilot like yourself can crash just randomly.

It must be a villain. There is no other explanation.

“Where’s the radio?”

#bnha #bnha fanfiction #todoroki shouto x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #deku x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #had this in my drafts for over a year #q #my writing

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