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#I’m tired of this blog like I love it it’s been fun but I think starting over will be nice

jj-one · 1 month

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A MODERN LOVE STORY.

this is smut, do not interact if under 18

When your tinder date who was supposed to be just a hook up becomes your boyfriend within a week.

pairing: han jisung x f!reader genre/tags: pwp, smut, fluff, jisung is such a gentleman, fingering, oral (m receiving), piv, unprotected sex (wrap before u tap), major size kink, slight daddy kink (not surprised), jisung has huge dick, jisung cums on readers face, i think that's it Imk if i missed any o_0 words: 4.5k

**old repost from my deleted blog

Dating apps were never really your thing, you’ve always been an “old fashioned” kind of girl. You’ve secretly dreamt of meeting your lover in a grocery store or bumping into them at a library where you instantly fall in love. Unfortunately, you can’t be delusional forever, your Prince Charming isn’t going to just come knocking for you at your doorstep. Unless…you find someone who can come to your doorstep but through an app, Tinder. You decided to give it a try and see what all the hype was about after your best friend Ryujin raved about all the hot guys she was meeting— and banging.

You often found yourself quite jealous of all the good sex she was getting, she could have anything she wanted all at her fingertips. You were always horny and looking for the next toy to play with but you decided maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to try and find a cute guy to hook up with and relieve some quick stress. You may be old fashioned but you weren’t too uptight to have a hook up once in a while.

You downloaded Tinder for once in your lifetime and wrote in all your info, chose your best photos, and made a silly little bio. Your bio was just ‘looking for a fun time, need someone who can break my back, not my heart’ you know it super lame but most guys like corny shit like that anyway. You swiped for ages and ages, barely giving anyone a right swipe because you were way too picky. They had to be top tier in the visual department even if they were just a one night stand, you’ll always have standards. You were getting tired of swiping and just about to call it a night up until you swiped on the next profile. His name was Han and he only lived 2.5 miles from you.

As you were scrolling through his profile, you couldn’t stop thinking how hot he was, his hair was blonde, and he always wore the same cross necklace in his all photos. You read his profile some more and saw that he has a dog named Bbama and you smiled at how adorable his dog was. You instantly swiped right after seeing the dog pics and you couldn’t believe you matched with him already. Your heart kind of skipped a beat for a second and you closed the app immediately. You didn’t think he’d be so quick to match with you and you wanted to message him but your pride got in the way. You figured he’s way too fine to even message you back, he probably gets floods of messages from girls asking. You decide to play it cool and not say anything, instead you took a screenshot of his profile and sent it to Ryujin.

She texts you back a couple minutes later and says she thinks he’s really hot, you’re glad she approves but you’re not surprised that she wouldn’t. You go through his profile again and see that he has his Instagram linked to his Tinder, you go to his Instagram account and continue your stalking spree. You see a bunch of pics of his dog, food, and mostly outdoorsy stuff. You didn’t figure him to be the wilderness type of guy but he was, he’s been hiking all over different mountains and has photos of him at the very top. You were in awe of how fearless this man was, you were swayed already by how he presented himself.

Your phone buzzes with a new notification.

‘Han sent you a message’ Tinder alerts you of 2 new notifications from him. You open the messages immediately, a huge grin plastered on your face as you read what he said to you.

‘Hi y/n’

‘What’s your favorite food?’

‘I’m taking notes on where I need to take you on our first date’

That was very smooth but also straightforward, you liked him already.

‘Pho, I could eat it everyday’

‘You’re already planning our date? lol’

You sent the messages and texted Ryujin straight away, telling her how much of a success this was already going. She tells you how much she was right all along and how you’ve been missing out this whole time, you just giggle at her shenanigans.

You get another notification from Tinder and it’s from your favorite new guy already.

‘Yes, how could I not? You’re a 10/10’

You smile to yourself when reading at that comment, you never really saw yourself as a perfect 10 but if someone this highly attractive sees you that way then you must be a smokeshow. Han sends you another message,

‘I can pick you up tmrw at 5? Dinner is on me babe so no need to bring a wallet ;)’

You bit your lip at that last sentence, who would’ve known someone this sexy could be your sugar daddy AND fuck buddy? Ok well maybe the sugar daddy part was just a joke. It definitely turned you on knowing that he’s willing to spend his money on you without you feeling guilt about it though.

‘See you at 5 <3’ you reply to him.

The very next day you’re in the car going to your date with Han. The moment you laid eyes on him there was a lustful nature that came out of you. You didn’t even think it could be possible but he looked even better in person, the pictures didn’t do him justice whatsoever. His jawline was insane, it was sharp and looked absolutely perfect from his side profile. His hair was a little messy but in a really cute way, he had a small silver stud in his ear and wore his cross necklace like the one in his photos. You couldn’t believe it was really him in your driveway, he had to be the most beautiful you’ve ever seen. He wore a plain black T-shirt with baggy jeans and converse, he looked effortlessly cool. He was driving with one hand on the wheel and the other was playing with his radio. He was trying to get the Aux cord to work properly but it just wasn’t cooperating with him, he decides to just leave it alone.

“So uh.. anyway is this your first Tinder date?” He asks trying to break the awkward silence.

“Yeah, actually it is,” you tell him “I’m not the hugest fan of dating apps but I decided why not give it a shot.” You say as your shrug your shoulders.

“Ah I see, well you met me so that’s a good sign so far right?” He asks with a goofy grin on his face, you couldn’t help but giggle at his quirkiness.

You talk for a bit more in the car and get to know each other, as you’re getting nearer to the destination he comes to a stop into a parking lot. He gets out of the car first and opens the door for you on your side.

“M’lady,” Han says in a funny voice, taking your hand in his as you get out the car. You’re loving his silly and fun energy so far, it’s definitely bringing your mood up as you had no expectations for how this would go.

The date ended up going extremely well, you both couldn’t stop laughing and cracking jokes together. Everything felt super lighthearted and easygoing with Han, you felt like you could say just about anything with him, feeling like you’ve known him for much longer than a couple of hours. He bought so much expensive meat for the both of you at the restaurant and the pho was fantastic. You’ve never been to this particular restaurant before as it was a bit too out of your price range, you were surprised when he told you he ate here frequently. You wanted to ask him what he does for a living but you don’t want to seem rude. You ate as much as you could and he definitely ate way more than you, lightly making fun at the way you eat. You do eat pretty slow so you aren’t shocked by the way he’s noticing that already.

You like the way Han eats because he stores food in his cheeks like a squirrel, usually that action would give you the ick but with him you find it quite endearing. Once you both finish eating at the restaurant he takes you to a pier where there’s pretty lights near the water. It was a nice day to go out on a walk so he grabbed your hand and led the way down the path. You guys talked so much for hours about any and everything, you talked for so long that you ended up watching the sunset together, then looked at the stars. When you looked down and noticed that you’ve been holding hands with him this whole time, but you didn’t want to point it out to Han incase he’d let go.

You’ve spent a total of only 5 hours with this man but you really do feel as though you’ve known him your whole life. He was so fun to talk to, handsome, and literally the sweetest person ever, it made you question how someone this perfect could even be single. You really couldn’t wait any longer for him to end up in your bed tonight and that’s exactly what you planned to happen. As the night progresses you ask him if he wants to come back to your place for the night. He looks surprised yet obliges and drives back to your apartment. It was pretty late at night and you only had your tiny lamp in the kitchen on, so you couldn’t see much of where you were going. You turn around to face Han who’s been staring you up and down this whole time.

You didn’t even have much time to take off your jacket before Han’s lips were all over yours. His hands roamed all over your body and yours were now tangled in his messy blonde hair. He startles you for a second when he picks you up and lifts you onto the marble kitchen countertop, not breaking the kiss once. He bites down on your lower lip slightly, making you gasp so he can easily slip his tongue in you. His movements were gentle and he kisses you so passionately, one of his hands comes up behind your neck and the other is stroking the apex of your thigh. As you both pull away from kissing, he stops to stare at you for the longest second.

“You are so beautiful y/n,” he says, stroking your hair and tucking some behind your ear, then he kisses your ear and licks it. He continues peppering a few more kisses downwards and to your neck, beginning to suck lightly, causing you to let out a quiet moan. He leaves a couple small hickies around your neck and kisses your lips once again. You tug at his T-shirt and motion for him to take it off, he does as he’s told and removes it from his body. You get a faint look at his chest since it’s a such little bit of light in the kitchen, from what you can see however, he looks perfect. When he comes closer, you can feel his rock solid abs, you know he works out but you weren’t expecting him to be this fit.

You go back to making out for awhile and his hands are now laid on your chest. He cups both of your boobs in his hands and kneads them through your thin shirt, he realizes this isn’t enough for him so he slides his hands underneath your shirt. He ran his fingers against your nipples and starts to pinch them lightly, making you moan directly into his mouth. He groans when you bring your hand lower to his pelvis, trying to locate his belt so you can tell him to take it off. You finally reach something you presume to be leather and you grab it, bringing his body closer to you in the process.

“You want me to take this off huh?” Han asks, pointing to his belt but all you see is his erect dick print through his jeans.

You nod your head profusely, “yes pleasee, right now!”

He grins at you while slowly taking off his belt, throwing it down on the floor and now he’s stroking his cock through his pants. You hear him groan a little bit as you can see him palming himself, wanting to take him in your mouth so bad.

“Let me give you head,” you say almost desperately, you didn’t mean for it to sound so needy but you really wanted— no needed his cock.

“Okay,” he says smiling back at you, “sounds great to me.”

You get up from the kitchen counter and now position yourself on the floor, on your knees. You never pictured yourself to be the one sucking a random guy off Tinder’s dick but hey, things just so happen to turn out that way. You unzip Han’s pants and gently pull them down, he was wearing pink supreme boxers and you expected nothing less from him. You pull down his boxers too and his erect cock springs up out of them like a slinky. Eyes growing wide in awe as you couldn’t wait for his giant, thick cock to go into your mouth. You start to stroke his length and realize that one hand won’t be enough to do the job, you have to use two to get a good firm grasp around it and even then it’s still a few inches off.

You contemplate how you’re even going to fit all of him into your mouth but you think of the consequences later. You continue pumping his cock with your hands and he moans lowly under his breath. You lick the tip of his cock and he winces a little, that must be his sensitive spot. You suck on the tip and guide your mouth to slowly take in more of his cock, keeping a suction-tight grip on him as you keep lowering your head. You get to a point where you start to physically choke and gag on his cock, your saliva was getting everywhere now, all over your chin, your chest, his cock, and some even spilled on the floor. You know you have to be a good girl and take all of him but you never had someone this big before.

“You have such a nice dick,” you blurt out while taking a break, wanting to please him more than anything.

“Thank you baby,” Han smiles down at you while you bring his cock back into your mouth, this time breathing through your nose you have a better chance at taking him all. You were successful and managed to get most of it inside your mouth, maybe just a couple centimeters off. You kept at it, sucking his cock like your life literally depended on it, shooting your head back and forth making you feel dizzy.

“Mmm yeah… that’s it baby… just like that-” Han moans out for you with his eyes closed shut and head thrown back, you’re making him feel so good right now.

“I think I’m gonna cum y/n…”

You continue what you’ve been doing for the past 15 minutes or so, sucking his cock at an even faster rate. You look up at him and give him a sultry look with your eyes, you need to feel his cum all over you.

“Please cum on my face daddy,” you tell him, you used to let your ex cum on your face all the time and you were craving for that kind of thing at the moment. You keep deepthroating him and making gagging noises in the process, wanting him to know just how hard you’re working for his cum. He lets out a long moan and keeps saying he’s about to cum, you tap his dick on your tongue so you can get a taste of his load shooting out and then… you suddenly go blind. Han’s load comes out so fast that it got everywhere, causing some of it to get into your eye. You couldn’t see for a bit and rubbed your eye, feeling a thick, sticky substance on your left cheek. Han’s cum was now painted all over your face, some even got on your shoulder and landed on the floor. You smiled at how much cum you caused to come out his dick, feeling awfully proud of yourself.

You get up from your knees and start kissing again, he brings you back to the counter you were originally sitting on and he toys with the waistband of your skirt. He pulls your skirt down and begins rubbing your pussy through your underwear, dragging his fingers along your slit and teasing you. You whimper as you buck your hips up, wanting to feel his fingers on your clit. He finally moves your panties to the side and starts rubbing his middle finger against your swollen clit.

“Damn, you’re wet as fuck…” he says, looking at your glistening, wet pussy. He circles your clit and spits on it, mixing your juices with his saliva. He then dips his finger inside your hole, you let out a moan as he starts pushing his finger in and out. The sound of his fingers going in your wet pussy sound so dirty yet so blissful. He kisses you as he keeps fingering you, spreading you open with another finger. You’re such a moaning mess and it’s all thanks to Han’s wonderful fingers. You were arching your back at the sensation you were feeling, his thumb is now rubbing your clit while two of his fingers are still inside. You wanted his cock so badly, but you were going to have to ask nicely for it.

“I need you…” you whine to Han, you don’t know why you were too shy to say what you needed the most though.

“Need what baby?” He asks with his fingers still deep inside your sopping cunt, you were aching for something bigger and it’s making you go crazy.

“Your cock… need your cock, please!” You practically beg at this point for it. Han’s smile grew wider as he saw how needy you were already acting for him.

“As you wish pretty girl,” he says, taking his fingers out and licking the juices off of them one by one. He takes his cock in his hand and rubs it along your folds, he feels how soaking wet you are and it’s already enough to make him want to burst. He doesn’t think he’s a fast cummer (is that a word?) but for you, he’d nut instantly. He slides his thick, long cock into your little pussy, making you audibly gasp in pain and pleasure.

The size of him is enough to make you want to never be able to walk again, but you think once he’s done with you he’ll be leaving you permanently bed ridden.

“Just relax baby, you can take it all trust me..” Han assures you as he continues to slide his length inside, your wetness mixed with the sounds of his dick makes for the perfect porn audio. Your legs were spreading wide open and rested on his shoulders, he was taking nice and slow strokes at first. He wants you to become more adjusted to his size, he’s finally able to get all of himself in. You look down at your stomach to see a giant bulge, his cock was so big that he practically took up half of your torso.

“Ready baby?” Han whispers in your ear, asking for the okay to start thrusting deeper into you. You nod as you were finally getting used to him, he goes a little faster and starts to build a steady pace. His cock is hitting the back of your walls nicely and you feel every inch of him inside you. The cross necklace he was still wearing dangled over you, which was pretty ironic for the sinful act you two were committing at the moment. Wrapping your arms around his neck as he moves deeper into you, stretching you out like the little whore you are. You feel yourself growing wetter with each thrust and he’s grabbing your waist tightly with both hands.

“Your pussy feels so fucking good… my god..” Han says moaning, his eyes are closed again as he keeps fucking your tight pussy. You took his cock so well, you were so proud of yourself.

“Your cock feels amazing daddy,” you whimper out to him as you continue moaning his name, feeling like you’re about to cum already. Han’s breath becomes more irregular and his strokes are getting messier, you can tell he’s reaching his climax as well.

“Let’s cum together.” Han coaxes, holding your hand while fucking into you, his cock fits all the way inside without hurting you now and all you feel is immense pleasure. You nod your head in agreement with him and focus on reaching your high. A wave of ecstasy washes over you as Han hits a certain spot in you, his dick is so big that it can reach little places you never felt before, it’s an incredible feeling. Your head swings back as you feel your orgasm approaching, you let out a few curse words and catch your breath. Han feels his release coming too and quickly pulls out, he pumps his cock for a little bit with his right hand and watches his load shoot out onto your stomach. He lets out an erotic groan as he finishes off his last bit of cum and strokes his cock a little more.

“Fuck that was the best sex I’ve ever had..” Han says while panting, grabbing your face to pull into you a breathless kiss.

“Yeah, that was definitely amazing,” you respond after pulling away, smiling at his first impressions of you.

It was now midnight and you were both exhausted, you two were too fucked out to do anything else and Han was way too tired to head home that night. You didn’t mind Han staying over at your place, to be honest, it felt pretty normal. As you both got into bed he gave you tons of forehead kisses and cradled you to sleep, his embrace felt safe and protecting. You never wanted to leave his presence and neither did he.

It was the early hours of the morning and the sun is beaming on your face through the sheer white curtains. You wake up to a familiar smell coming from your kitchen, it was the smell of eggs and pancakes cooking. You put on some clothes quickly to head to your kitchen, you see Han in nothing but his underwear cooking you breakfast. You looked at the clock and saw that it was only 7:04 am, how is he already awake at this time of the morning? You make your way on over to him and give him a chaste kiss, telling him good morning. He finishes up cooking and grabs some plates for the both of you. You couldn’t believe your eyes right now, your Tinder date that you just hooked up with last night is now cooking you breakfast. You want to feel like you’re living in a dream but the more you keep blinking the more real this situation feels.

“Ready to eat babe?” Han asks, handing you a plate full of food. You nod, still trying to process everything that’s going on but you don’t want to keep questioning it. You sit at the table with Han and eat your food. You both talk as though everything is normal, still making little jokes with each other like yesterday’s date. The food he made was pretty good and you were wondering what other hidden skills he may have been hiding. You’re now questioning what could be wrong with him since he’s so perfect, why hasn’t someone like him not been snatched up yet? As you finish eating you head back upstairs, Han follows you.

“What’re you doing?” You ask him, turning around to face him in confusion.

“Im just following where you’re going,” he admits sheepishly.

“But why?” You genuinely want to know why he’s considered still being here and isn’t fleeing after finally getting what he wanted.

“I want to stay here for a while,” he says while looking away at something else, he was a bit shy to ask if he could stay over for another day.

“For how long?” You ask, wondering if he’s serious about his infatuation with you.

“I- I don’t know, can I just stay for one more night? Please y/n?” He holds your hand, gently caressing and rubbing it.

You feel conflicted, on one hand you want someone you can feel connected to on a deeper level but the other hand is making you want to keep this relationship as no strings attached. You sigh as you see the glint in his eyes, his eyes were all it took for you to give into him.

“Okay” you say, he smiles as he hears your swift response. He presses a soft kiss against your lips and lets you lead the way back to your room.

Four days have passed and Han is still staying in your apartment with you. You decided you didn’t actually hate his company and that it was just the fear of commitment that made you reluctant. Han was different though, he brought a side out of you that no one else has. He brings you flowers, makes you laugh until your stomach hurts, listens to your problems/needs/wants/desires, shuts up when he’s supposed to, and does anything you say at the drop of a hat.

He’s the perfect guy for you and you met him on something you wouldn’t have tried if it wasn’t for your best friend. You’re still in shock by how you and Han are basically in a relationship now, I mean who stays at someone’s house for almost a week if they weren’t falling in love? You should be happy yet you’re nervous, you’re nervous about telling Ryujin, what if she thinks you’re moving too fast? You didn’t tell anyone about this “relationship” yet since you’ve never rushed into things this quickly with someone.

Han was a great person and you knew that with every fiber of your being, you just didn’t know if others would see that through just a few days of talking. You know you’re going to have to do it at some point since you’re actually thinking about getting serious with him. Han has been nothing more than amazing to you and if everyone else doesn’t see that then they’re crazy, you can’t convince everyone to like him but you start to feel as though it won’t be an issue for him. You think he’ll fit in just fine with everyone in due time ♡

#han jisung x reader #han fluff #han smut #han jisung smut #han jisung fluff #han jisung x female reader #skz smut #han jisung drabbles #han jisung fanfic #skz x reader #han jisung imagines #skz x female reader #han jisung scenarios #skz drabbles #skz scenarios #stray kids x female reader #stray kids drabbles #skz fanfic

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tteokdoroki · 3 months

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☆༉ — EIJIROU KIRISHIMA. ribbons, restraint and resolve.

about. eijirou kirishima loves to be tied up and restrained in the bedroom but not for the reasons you may think.

warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact ! nsfw, smut, bondage, ribbon as a restraint, slight!dom / sub dynamics, edging, begging, orgasm control, kirishima is slightly mean, pro hero!kirishima, fem!reader.

kirishima who likes to be tied up. even though you both know that he’s big enough and strong enough to break through any type of restraint that you own. he likes the restriction, likes how you use him all for yourself, likes how you get too tired too quickly and start to cry out for him to move or fuck up into you.

kirishima who gets a little mean when he’s all tied up, faux pouting up at you — his voice a little higher, mocking you, while you whimper and plead. “ah, ah, ah sweetheart,” he sucks his teeth coyly, fighting a smile, his wrists pretending to struggle against the bed posts and red ribbon. “you said you wanted to have your fun with me. isn’t this fun?”

“n-no!” you cry out; punished by the twitch of eijiro’s cock against your silky, arousal lined walls. “please move eiji, please. i-i’ll untie you, i’ll say i’m sorry. just, please—“

leaning forward, kirishima’s arms bulge as they flex against his silken restraints. golden skin stretches over the muscle, blue veins prominent beneath the surface as he tilts his head up to kiss you. it’s slow, calculated and cunning — the kiss is. one that eijirou knows will only rile you up and make you weak in the knees.

it’s the type of kiss that shrouds your brain in darkness and consumes your every thought until all you can think about is your primal desire to please him.

it’s made obvious in the way your tight hole oozes a honeyed nectar down your boyfriend’s monstrously thick cock. if you tried hard enough, moved your hips a little more, you could get his sticky cockhead to press down on the perfect spot to make you cum and lose all ties to sanity.

but you can’t, not without red riot’s help.

“i thought you wanted to be in control?” eijirou teases, his tongue pressing up against the backs of his pearly white teeth as he smirks up at you. sinister. “you don’t want that, don’t want me to flip you over, take charge from you. you were having so much fun.”

the condescending lilt to his voice sends a shiver down your spine and the urge to circle your hips straight to your foggy little brain “b-but i don’t! ‘m not… eiji,” comes your desperate, needy little gasp. it’s not enough to have him inside of you, to force yourself up and down his creamy shaft to your heart’s content. you need eijirou to fuck you in that way he likes, deep and hard until you can feel him in your throat and see stars behind your fluttering eyelids. “i can’t… i can’t cum without you. please, eiji.”

his poor little baby, all this begging. is he supposed to feel sorry for you? you’re the one who wanted this. you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like the thrill of using the pro hero how you wanted, riding him until his chest was heaving and flushed. you enjoy torturing yourself on eijirou’s cock just as much as he likes seeing you suffer above him — keeping you right on the edge while he lays almost useless beneath you.

when all he really has to do is move his hips.

and that’s why he loves it. the pathetic mess you’ve become. the pathetic way in which you’ve worked yourself up by having your way with him when really eijirou kirishima has been the one in control all along. he set you up to feel oh so powerful with the mountainous red riot tied to your bed. but what’s even worse is the fact that your body knows it can’t get off without him, without his large hands guiding your hips and whilst his own (much stronger ones) pound at your tight, sluice pussy.

“too bad,” the redhead tuts in amusement, settling back amongst the pillows — his strong wrists firmly planted against the bed posts, somehow looking dainty with the red ribbon that ‘keeps’ them there. “get back to work, sweetheart. come unwrap your present.”

#kirishima x reader #kirishima smut #kirishima x you #bnha x reader #bnha smut #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima eijiro smut #bnha thirst #mha smut #mha x reader #mha thirst #eijirou kirishima smut #kirishima thirst #✧ ₊˚੭ — writing #tteokdoroki #✧ ₊˚💭੭ — aali just posted

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silksongeveryday · 2 months

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Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 365!

1 year! One whole year of daily doodles!!

Honestly?? Idk how to feel, so much has happened since I first started this blog.

I guess I’ll just write what I’m thinking right now??

(Everything under the cut, this thing is longer than I expected)

A lot of this text probably isn’t going to make sense. I’m writing this at 1 am. If there’s any mistakes or errors that’s why. I’ll fix them in the morning maybe.

So like. This whole thing kinda started as a joke, I wasn’t intending to actually draw for a year straight lmao. Like I even used a completely different art style from my regular one that was simple, quick and intentionally dumb. Not that I’m upset by it, I’m actually quite proud of myself that I managed to stick to something for an entire year. That’s pretty unusual for me believe it or not. My original intention was to stop at maybe 20 days because I really wasn’t expecting for this blog to get as much love as it did.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so so much to everyone who has followed and supported this silly little idea I had, you guys are the biggest reason my experience has been so positive and worth it. (Sure it’s not original but I hope it’s at least been interesting!)

I’ve said this a few times now but I’ve mentioned wanting to take a break. I’ll admit that even though it’s been fun it’s still pretty tiring to keep up with this blog sometimes since some recent life events have made it so hard. After some thought, I’ve decided that I’ll likely take a break sometime in the coming months. Maybe toward day 400 or so. As of right now, things are at a lull so I’ve been okay enough mentally and physically to keep up this daily streak I think. Though this could change in an instant for whatever reason.

Overall I think my burnout has kind of gone away I think?? Or at least I’ve been reinvigorated recently after replaying a few runs of hk randomizer and steel soul. No promises it’ll stay away but I silly expect it to come in waves.

Ok but call me crazy or delusional or whatever, but my hopes are up that Silksong will release this year. (which means slowing down/not doing daily doodles yay) I genuinely believe big news is coming since I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately about something happening with Silksong in March. Idk, I could be wrong but after doing this for a year I’m literally clinging onto anything right now lol

I’d obviously still make the occasional doodle or two when HKSS releases but not daily. This stuff is tough to keep up sometimes, I would never do daily posts like this again once it’s over

Oh yeah also I have an actual big drawing I’m still working on, expect that in sometime in the next few weeks I think!

Anyway, I can’t think of anything else to say right now so I guess that’s it for now!

Thanks so much and here’s to more doodles!

#silksongeveryday #ssed #hollow knight #silksong #hk hornet #hollow knight hornet #silksong hornet #hollow knight fanart #hk fanart

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yurinaa-world · 5 months

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Hi! Can I get Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, and Blade with a reader who's like Furina from Genshin? Also your blog theme is cute ❤️

Characters: Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, and Blade x Female Reader

Synopsis: with reader that’s like Furina

Warnings: Fluff, spelling mistakes

𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔

"Well, my dear Dan Heng, rejoice that you are now in my presence.” He listens to words like these all the time. It doesn't bother him that you act the way you do, always acting so confident before running away with a tail between your legs, or even better, hiding behind him.

Whenever you sulk (by a huge body of water filled with sea creatures), on your knees, cupping a little sea creature with such a depressed expression on your face, he’s always there, yet you don’t notice until he reveals himself to you. "Haha, you saw spectacular acting. Did you think I was crying? Well, I wasn't.” You scoff and laugh, trying to pretend you were okay when you weren’t.

Trying to comfort you, but he can’t seem even to touch your walls since you put up 50 more. Since ‘actions speak louder than words’ don’t they “you’re lying." "Ha, I’m not. I don’t know what you're talking about. I've never cried since I’m the life of the show." "Your eyes are puffy.” “THEY AREN’T, so stop saying that!”

You’ll never admit to it unless you're on your last breath or not. So he’ll hug you until you stop crying about whatever upsets you, and he’ll only do this for you.

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃

When a general is madly in love with you, he won’t care about any flaws you might have. If he were to be honest, when looking at you, he couldn’t help but remember the first time you had. You were a famous performer, and everyone enjoyed your acts, especially the ones that involved mystery. There had to be a trial, or this ain’t a show you want to be in.

You always played ‘the dashing and beautiful watcher/the great judge who had such venom and confidence in her voice’ and he was still training hard with Jingliu; your personality never faltered even without the stage that you were born to be on. It was who you truly were.

Now that you two have been together, you're more sentimental with him since acting for your entire life and being someone you're not is very tiring, so why not take a vacation? You love sea animals so much, why not go somewhere with a lot of animals? like a honeymoon.

𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒

"Annoying,” that’s what he always thinks about (not all the time though). Your are so loud that he can hear you from the other room, and your dumb little shows, which he gets dragged to, are always about you.

Call you a brat and know you can’t do anything about it since you're like a scared cat; it doesn’t make it better that you hide behind him every time you go meet someone with a bad reputation; he has to go with you or you’ll die!

Gripping on his arm, "Please, blade, accompany me.” “Why should I do that? I don't remember being some sort of bodyguard to you.” "Blade, please; I promise I won’t bother you again!” He’s just messing with you; he’ll come with you, but he wants something else in return, like maybe the most tame thing he’s thinking about is a kiss.

When you kiss him as a payment, he’s so mean about it afterward, straight up making fun of you. When you complain about him teasing, “I’ll never forgive; you’ve done something worse than treason against me,” before walking off in a hurry.

He’s not all that mean, comforting you whenever you're in a depressive mood, giving you everything, and staying with you until you're better, and when I say he’s glued to you, he’s GLUED to you, making you feel better in any way he can, even if others call extreme care so much. He does not listen to anyone.

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

#✧*:･ﾟ✧:･ Yurinna's Writing :･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧#honkai star rail #hsr x you #hsr x reader #hsr x y/n #honkai star rail x reader #dan heng #dan heng x you #dan heng x reader #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan x you #hsr jing yuan #honkai blade x you #blade x reader #blade x you

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lucyandthepen · 3 months

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last young renegade | jjh

summary: your valentine’s day plans with jaehyun may have gone down the drain just a little. (okay — a lot.)

pairing: jaehyun x reader verse: canon, idol!verse rating: t warnings&tags: reader & jaehyun are in an established relationship, quite frankly there is nothing too out of the ordinary in this fic which is a shocker, it’s a rewritten fic so pls excuse any errors I may not have caught! word count: 5.02k

a/n: happy 2024 friends and family !!!!!! and advanced happy birthday to the man who created valentine’s day, he who is perhaps my first love in nct, jaehyun! this is actually just a fic I’ve been hoping to re-write a bit from before, and since it’s valentine’s themed, what better time to post it!! Enjoy enjoy, and may this year bring more fun, laughs, love (and debauchery) to this blog!

Yᴏᴜ sᴀɪᴅ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ sɪᴄᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ ᴏғ ɪᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴏʀɴɪɴɢ, ɴɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴀʏ.

♡ jaehyunnie ♡ I know I said birthday dinner but practice is running so late ㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie ♡ Can we meet after? I’m sorry ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ How about I call you when we’re done? Maybe 11:30?

At times like this, you often wonder if it’s all worth it.

You know thinking that way is counterproductive, not to mention a little unfair. You knew exactly what to expect, getting into an under-wraps relationship with an idol, and so far, it’s lived up to most of your assumptions, and then some. It doesn’t help that Jaehyun, even just by name, tends to attract an unbelievable amount of attention. You know you can’t blame him; it’s not like he wants to be high on the radar every time, either. For some reason, though, you seem to be looking for something or someone to blame, which you also know is a dead end. You have no one to pin the blame onto apart from yourself by frequently generating doubts that keep your mind running around in circles.

It’s not even the sneaking around that gets tiring; it’s the waiting — waiting on calls, waiting on free time, waiting on a good opportunity to do something that doesn’t involve him suddenly getting pulled out to attend to one of many of his celebrity responsibilities. Over the last few years that you’ve dated, NCT has only ever gotten more popular; with that popularity came the fact that the public eye was trained on them, focusing on every microscopic detail of their lives. Jaehyun hates that more than anything, which is why he’s given up on trying to avoid it by practically escaping it altogether, locking himself up in the dorm with you when he has his precious few days off.

While it’s true that you definitely don’t miss having to play espionage when going out for a cup of coffee with him, you’ve also managed to memorize every single inch of Jaehyun’s room, which isn’t good for your mentality, you’re pretty sure. You have to keep reminding him to open the window whenever the both of you are in there, because all you do is stay in and watch English movies without subtitles to see who can understand the most without asking questions (obviously, he always wins) while eating food he runs up and down the stairs to get every other hour. And while him trying to imitate the British accents on these shows is genuinely funny, you’re starting to suspect even he’s starting to get tired of watching Harry Potter over and over again. Twenty hours sounds like a long time unless you spend every twenty-hour period you have together marathoning the exact same films. Much to both of your disappointment, your suggestion to watch it totally out of order did not make it cooler.

Still, you suppose it’s not all bad. Jaehyun also taught you how to play Fortnite on a couple of his days off back to back, and while you hadn’t been as good a player as you both had hoped, he’d still patiently waited for you every time you got lost on the map. He’d even given you his account’s password with the sentiment that this was him ‘taking things to the next level with you,’ and you get to log into his account and play whenever you want; he doesn’t even get mad when you’ve wasted all the stuff he’s farmed on your subpar gaming skills. And, well, the bigger picture was that you loved him. Based on how much effort he put into the relationship, plus the bonus of his trust in you when it came to his Fortnite account, you could at least be confident in that he returned the sentiment.

Except, sometimes, you still wonder if it would be easier for the both of you if he flew solo and didn’t have a girlfriend that tanked all of his player’s ammo and health kits and generally made a fool out of his cute little avatar while he was out breaking his back onstage.

You aren’t sure if Jaehyun’s been noticing the turmoil in you; you’re not that good at hiding how you feel, anyway, but if he has, he hasn’t said anything thus far. You do observe how much more he texts you when he has free time, which makes you feel doubly bad, because you know that he’s spending precious minutes he could be resting with on talking to you instead, which isn’t the best trade-off for someone who’s constantly busy — and thereby constantly tired — like him.

♡ jaehyunnie♡ ___________ I’m going to practice again, okay? Wait for my call ㅠㅠ You I’ll wait for your call ♡ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ I love you ㅠㅠㅠㅠ ♡ jaehyunnie♡ You love me too — a lot, right? I’ll keep my phone now, but I’ll make sure to check that you said so. ㅋㅋㅋ You Right! ㅎ I love you a lot! ♡

When the clock hits 12:01, and your phone is silent, your mind starts working on overtime again. It’s only when the special ringtone you’ve set for him comes to life at half-past midnight that you break your train of thought and put on your socks so you can meet Jaehyun at your front door.

You’ve made a rule — sort of like a deal — between the two of you that apologies aren’t necessary when work holds you up. You’ve cashed in on that deal a couple of times, but you’re both aware that it’s more for Jaehyun’s sake than anything else, and he keeps to his word on that much when you open the door and duck into his car. All he does is smile at you, and you smile back, and for the rest of the car ride, everything seems okay.

He always asks you about your day — unfailingly, at any chance he can. It’s never an off-handed question, either; Jaehyun takes great pride in his memory, and the sweetest thing about him is that he’s dedicated a good deal of it to knowing almost everything about you. Right now is no different. He asks you about your team manager, what you had for lunch; he grills you on if you took your vitamins today and if you got to break in the new shoes you bought online — the ones you’d been pining over for the last three months. He even asks you about the guy from the neighboring department who keeps asking you out for after-work drinks.

“He wanted to go to Hongdae tonight,” you tell him as he slows for a red light. “There’s some new pub of his friend’s doing a soft opening there tonight.”

“You could have gone.” He keeps his eyes on the road. “I wouldn’t have minded.”

“I didn’t want to.”

“Good.” He glances at you, a grin slowly spreading on his lips. “Because I lied. I might have minded a little. Or, you know, a lot.”

“Don’t tell me after all these years, you’ve turned into the kind of boyfriend that doesn’t let his girlfriend go out without him.”

“That’s impossible for me, and you know that,” he chuckles. “You can do whatever you want, whenever you want. Just not with that guy from the other department.”

“Don’t worry.” You tinker with the little charm dangling on your phone — half of a flat, metal heart dangling from a gold chain that Jaehyun had given you two years back on your birthday. He keeps the other half, but since he can’t freely attach it to any of his belongings, he keeps it wedged between the back of his phone and its case. You like watching him change the backing because he does it so carefully, like he’s worried the other half of the heart is going to break if he rips off the case willy nilly. “I told him my boyfriend and I were going out on a date tonight, so he backed off. Although he did wonder why I keep talking about a boyfriend he’s never seen.”

“And? What did you say?”

“I said it was none of his damn business.”

Jaehyun laughs loudly, and you go along with him, but you don’t miss how tired he looks when he sobers down, the green light illuminating all the shadows on his face as he steps on the gas again.

Nothing good is open this late at night — that is, nothing you haven’t seen before. You hadn’t even expected to go out at all, but since it was the day before Valentine’s Day as well as his birthday (or it would have been, if you hadn’t waited until midnight), Jaehyun had wanted to do something special without having to run into a huge crowd of couples on the day itself. Your only option is this from-out-of-town carnival that’s set up in tents and even has a medium-sized ferris wheel by the edge of the metal barricade. The parking lot is practically empty when Jaehyun pulls into a slot; you joke that he should break one rule and park in two slots, which he smugly replies to by saying he couldn’t park badly even if he tried.

He tucks your hair back behind your ears as he loops the strings of a face mask around them, using another one for himself. Between that and the brim of his cap, you can barely see his eyes. The only knowledge that you have that you’re walking next to the man you love is that he takes your hand in his, slender fingers finding their way between yours.

The carnival is half-closed when you get to the middle of it; there are still a few stragglers, but half the kiosks have their lights off already. There’s a woman dressed in flashy clothes standing on a patch of dead grass a few feet away, and she’s holding a hoop that a ginger cat is jumping through. Jaehyun steers you to them, and you stand there for a good five minute watching the cat roll on the ground and stand on its hind legs, but you can tell it’s been going it at for most of the day because at one point, it just ignores the lady, opting to weave its way between Jaehyun’s and your legs instead. You do have a pretty good time when he picks it up and cradles it in his arms so you can pet it for a second, but it just hisses when its owner approaches and jumps out of his hold, disappearing behind a row of trash bins.

Jaehyun doesn’t have anything in his wallet apart from his credit cards and 50,000 won, and the coin machine operator says he only has enough coins left to break down 5,000 won for the games, so you end up having to jog back to his car so you can fish out some coins from inside his glove compartment. You come up with a grand total of 1,500 won, and you have to sheepishly go back to the coin machine operator to change four 100 coins and a couple of 50s just to get the last 500. Jaehyun tells you to hold onto the three coins so he doesn’t run off with them entirely and leave you destitute.

You learn you can only do three things at most — you dedicate 500 won for the Ferris wheel entry tickets, which leaves you with 500 won each. The both of you agree on choosing one kiosk to play in, and with only about five left that are open, you don’t really have that many options. You end up dragging Jaehyun over to a stall with a pond filled with those magnetic toy fish, but 500 won only gets you one fishing rod. Since it’s your choice, Jaehyun lets you play, but you feel kind of stupid doing it on your own with him just watching you. In the end, he decides to stand behind you, his arms around your waist like he thinks closer contact isn’t even more distracting. You do manage to fish out 10 fish and win a small bear on a keychain. It doesn’t even pass through your hands as Jaehyun takes it from the stall operator immediately.

“That’s mine!” You whine, reaching out in vain to take it from him; he just holds it high over his head. His eyes are twinkling under the shadow his cap casts over his face. “I worked hard for that.”

“Let me keep this one,” he mimics the pleading lilt in your voice. “I’ll put it on my bag.”

“You know you can’t! Give it back.”

“I’ll win you a bigger one,” he promises. “Let me keep this one. It’s cute. It reminds me of you. I’ll kiss it goodnight before I sleep.” He starts to laugh softly. “And then you’ll feel this weird spirit kissing you at like two in the morning, and you’ll know it’s me.”

Your arms aren’t long enough to retrieve it, and you don’t really want to, so you settle with twisting his ear. He takes it in stride even if he over-acts, making pained noises while leading you to the kiosk he wants to go to. It’s a shooting range stall, and he pays his own precious 500 won for a dart gun. He’s barely paying attention when the guy starts explaining how many points are assigned to each balloon color, more concerned with talking to the bear keychain in his hand and pretending like he’s cooing at you. You have to hit him across the shoulder to get him to focus.

“You need to start picking out what prize you want,” he tells you — the actual you, not the animal keychain version — as he lifts the dart gun.

“I’ll wait for you to finish first.”

“No way.” He tilts his head, closing one eye to steady his line of sight. “Pick already. Or just go for the biggest one.”

“You know that Fortnite and dart guns aren’t the same thing, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m well-motivated.” He grins at you, one eye still shut. He looks like a baby pirate. “Go ahead. Pick the biggest one.”

“Why don’t you just shoot, and we’ll see.”

“Pick it,” he insists. “Tell me you have faith in me. Tell me you love me.”

“Okay, I love you,” you agree. “But I have no faith in you when it comes to this.”

“One out of two is fine,” he concedes, taking aim.

All three of you, including the stall operator, let out a disappointed groan when he misses his first shot. His comes with a sheepish laugh as he reloads, suddenly telling you to pick the second biggest prize instead. You can’t even watch him miss over and over, so you pretend to be interested in a bunch of teenage boys playing a game of cups one stall over, trying not to giggle when you hear him get increasingly more frustrated at himself. When you turn back around, you notice he’s holding two small pieces of gummy candy, offering one to you like a kindergartener. He helps you tug your face mask down so you can eat it.

There’s a food stall nearby that, thankfully, accepts credit and debit; Jaehyun fishes out his card to get you a corndog — only one because he’s watching his weight for the upcoming concert, apparently. This is information you hate hearing but have no say in, and he knows this; you know he does because he says ‘don’t worry about me’ totally out of the blue, like five minutes after the conversation ceases to be relevant.

His phone starts ringing when the food comes out, and he takes a tiny bite of it — more bread than hotdog — before he answers. You know it’s Taeyong by the way he answers.

“Hyung, sorry — can we talk later? I’m out with ____________.”

Taeyong says something loud but indiscernible on the other end. You piece together that it’s about tomorrow’s schedule when Jaehyun speaks again.

“I know. I’ll be home in a bit; don’t worry about it. I haven’t forgotten.”

There’s more garbled speech on the other line; Jaehyun gestures for you to keep eating, and you do, but you more concerned with the morphing expressions on his face than you are with the act of chewing. He’s making noncommittal noises in response to what seem to be commands and reminders. You’re pretty much done with the corndog by the time he says ‘Okay, hyung. Hyung — I’ll see you later, okay?’

“Taeyong hyung says hi,” he tells you once he’s hung up the phone. “He says you still need to give back that book you borrowed from him last year.”

“Oh yeah,” you finish off the last of the food. “I’ll drop it off within the week.”

“Don’t worry about it. He doesn’t actually mean it.”

Jaehyun watches you snap the stick in half and toss it in the trash bag.

“We can go home,” you say finally. His eyebrows shoot up. “You’re busy tomorrow. I forgot.”

“I didn’t forget, and it’s fine.”

“It’s almost two in the morning.” You check your phone to verify. “You probably have to be up in a few hours. You need to sleep, or you’ll die, Jaehyun. I’m too young to be a grieving widow.”

“Let’s at least ride the Ferris wheel,” he suggests. Before you can protest, he tugs you towards the rickety contraption, digging the 500 won out of your pocket and handing it to the bemused operator. He lets you choose what carriage you want because literally no one is on it anymore, and Jaehyun asks for the best carriage. You’re not sure how it differs from the rest, but he makes a show out of guiding you into it, and you don’t miss the corny ‘my lady,’ he mutters under his breath.

It’s small, clearly meant for either a tiny group of children or couples who want to be as close together as possible. It’s also not air-conditioned, and only one of the windows is open, so you end up sticking to Jaehyun’s arm on the way up. The view is still great, though, and you feel his hand settle on your knee as the carriage makes it slow ascent.

The ride up is quiet, and you press your face as close to the glass of the carriage as you dare, but Jaehyun doesn’t move an inch. His hand is still heavy on your thigh, but it doesn’t do anything but lay there. When you’re close to the top, you’re hit with the urge to do something romantic — kiss, maybe, tell him happy birthday, or say ‘I love you’ to him in the most sickening way possible — but when you turn to look at him, you have to hold your tongue.

Jaehyun is asleep, leaning against the corner of the carriage, head tilted down a little. His shoulders are rising and falling slowly, and he’s pulled down his face mask a little so he can breathe better; his lips are slightly parted by the slackening of his jaw. His left hand is shoved in his pocket, like he’d passed out halfway through reaching for something in there.

He doesn’t wake even when you move slightly so you can lean back next to him, rocking the carriage a little — not even when you reach up and adjust his head so he can rest on your shoulder. He breathes deeply, evenly, and you wonder if his ear against your shoulder allows him to hear your heart plummet unfairly to the bottom of your stomach.

You have to shake him to rouse him when the ride comes to an end; when he opens his eyes and realizes what happened, he looks mortified. Instinctively, he opens his mouth, but you fling the carriage door open and step out before he can apologize.

You have a deal, and he knows what he shouldn’t be doing.

His grip on your hand is much tighter as you walk back to the parking lot, and he doesn’t let go, even on the road. The trip back is quieter, maybe because it’s late, or maybe because there are a ton of things the both of you want to say but can’t.

He slows down when he gets to your street, but when he stops in front of your building, he doesn’t immediately unlock the doors to let you out. Instead, he turns to you, licking his lips a little nervously.

“Can you…” he clears his throat because his voice cracks a little on the first attempt. “Can you come back with me? To the dorm?”

“I have work tomorrow, Jaehyun.”

“It’s still at eleven, isn’t it? I can bring you home before that. You still have some stuff in my room. You can get ready there.”

“Won’t you be too busy?”

“Just—” he sighs softly. “Can you? Please?”

You don’t know how to say no to Jaehyun, and tonight isn’t a night you’re willing to try. It’s why fifteen minutes later, you’re walking through the front door of his dorm. Donghyuck, sitting at his computer in his room with the door ajar, greets you sleepily as you pass by.

Jaehyun steps in the shower with you; you don’t talk, maybe because you’re worried you might wake the others up if you start a full-blown conversation in a bathroom surrounded by other bedrooms. He just passes you what you need, and you do the same for him, and somewhere in between, he kisses you under the spray of the water.

Later, he falls asleep with a face mask on, and you have to peel it off for him and toss it into the trash. The tip of his nose is shiny, and you want to kiss it, but you know it’ll wake him, and you noticed he’d set his alarm to go off two hours from now. He’s set out a couple of earplugs for you so that you don’t hear it, but you don’t put them in. You want to see him before he leaves, even if it’s in the deadest hours of morning, so you just crawl into bed with him. A minute before you doze off, you feel his damp skin press against your neck, his form curled up against your back.

The alarm never wakes you; the sun is out when you open your eyes, and when you check your phone, you see that it’s already half-past nine. You also notice that there’s nothing from Jaehyun on your screen, but you try not to dwell on that, considering that you’d been expecting to wake up to an empty bed. His side of the mattress is cold, which means that he’s been gone for some time.

You don’t know if it’s just because you’re groggy, but your insides still feel like lead when you sit up. The part of you that nags about this relationship is back at full force when you start thinking about Jaehyun going to a pre-recording two hours after spending the last of his energy on you. You start wondering if you’re doing the right thing if it feels like you’re just dragging him down. Your heart clenches tightly when the worst thought hits — maybe, just maybe, he’s tired of you, too.

But you won’t let him go. More to the point — you can’t. He’s the best part of your life; it’d be a cold day in hell if you decided to leave him.

Even the thought of it makes you feel like dying.

Then again, this isn’t all up to you.

You’re rubbing the sleep out of your eyes — and maybe a couple of frustrated tears — when the door creaks open. You see two mugs and his hands before you see the rest of him come through the doorway. Jaehyun whispers a careful good morning as he sets the coffee down on his table, making sure to push his keyboard away to avoid accidents, before sitting down next to you. You notice that there’s an envelope next to one of the mugs; the flap is slightly open, and from under it, a flash of red peeks out.

His hand finds its way back to your knee — it’s his favorite resting place, he’s told you once. Your lap feels like home, he’d joked. Maybe he touches it every so often because it’s like a reset button for him.

He doesn’t ask if you slept well, or if you want to get ready before having your coffee, or if you’re okay. He just squeezes your knee a little tighter. It’s you that has to start the conversation this time.

“How did it go?”

“It went great. You’ll see it on TV later tonight,” he starts rubbing your thigh idly. “You’ll watch it later, right?”

“Of course. I’ll call you and tell you how cool you look.”

He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. When you lapse into silence again, it’s because you’re expecting him to say something, but he doesn’t come out with it directly. You try not to let it show that you’re worried, that you’re skeptical, that you’re wondering if he thinks he’s too tired, too busy for this, too.

You’re expecting him to start how most break-ups start. You know I love you, right? And then the telltale but… would come, and you would have to hold back your tears and smile for him, and tell him you know, and that you understand it isn’t the right time, but maybe one day, someday, when he isn’t everyone’s Jung Jaehyun anymore — only yours.

“You love me, right?”

It’s not what you’d been expecting. Nor is it the playful little text he’d sent — no laughs, no jokes. His expression is somber, mouth pressed into a thin line.

“You know I do.”

“A lot, right?”

“A lot,” you confirm softly.

“Then whatever it is that you’re thinking about us,” he says quietly. “Don’t. Don’t think it. Don’t do it.”

“Jaehyun—”

“I know it’s hard,” his fingers dig into your skin a little. “I know I put you through a lot. I know you think that I’m suffering because of this relationship too. I know everything. But whatever you think I’m going to do, I won’t do it — not ever. So if you’re thinking of it too, I’m begging you. Don’t. Please.”

Maybe he had noticed all this time. A wave of guilt washes over you when you see the pained look on his face; perhaps you were even more transparent than you’d originally thought. You nod slowly to show your understanding, and he continues.

“I know yesterday wasn’t the best you could have hoped for,” he carefully avoids apologizing, although it’s written all over his features. “For me, too. I… I wanted something different. It’ll be better next time. Do you believe me?”

You hear him swallow — his nails are biting into your thigh a little, so you have to gently peel his hand off. Your fingers replace it, tightening around his palm as you nod.

“I believe you.”

“And you trust me, right?”

“With my life.”

“Then can you put your faith in me right now?” He asks. “Don’t panic. Just — just say yes.”

He pats around his pants, finally deciding to slip his hand into his left-hand pocket. Unlike on the Ferris wheel, he manages to extract something, but he keeps it closed in his fist. It’s shaking a little as he takes your hand in his other one, pressing something small and hard into your palm before he curls your fingers over it. His hold keeps your fist closed as he starts talking.

“It’s not immediate. We’ll figure it out. We’ll tell the right people, and they’ll help us tell everyone else — the public, the press. It doesn’t have to happen right now, or any time soon either— not if you don’t want it to. We can take it slow, or whatever. Anything you want — just as long as it’s with me.”

“Jaehyun,” you shake your head, a little dizzy. “What are you talking about?”

He slowly loosens his hold on your fingers, his hand dropping to the same spot on your knee. You’re free to open your fist, and when you do, you can’t help but feel a little stumped.

“I don’t mean now,” he repeats, now sounding doubly worried. “It’s not — It’s just…”

“You’ll get in trouble. We can’t.”

“I won’t. Not if we do this right. Like I said, we can do it slowly. Months — years, however long it takes to do it well. What it is — it’s just… a promise.”

“A promise,” you echo. It does have a nice ring to it.

“That I’m not leaving you. Not ever. And… if you say yes, that you won’t either.”

Your coffee has probably turned cold. Jaehyun is watching you carefully, looking like he’s trying hard not to bite his lip. You look back down at your hand, and he speaks up again.

“You know I love you, right?”

You smile slightly. “No but?”

“No but,” he agrees.

The ring fits nicely on your finger; maybe it’s well-measured from the amount of times he’s held your hand tightly in his.

“Okay, Jaehyun,” you whisper. “I promise.”

When you place your hand on his, he twists his palm, slender fingers gently twirling the ring around the base of your finger.

Minutes later, he hands you your coffee. It’s sweet and milky, the way he knows you like it best. When he settles back down on the bed, you notice his eyes travel to your finger again, a small smile playing on his lips.

Perhaps, in this moment, you finally learn to ask the right questions — not about if it’s worth it, but if he is.

And in this moment, where he sits in silence with you, the sunlight pouring in from his window hitting the tips of his hair and the end of his nose, with the knowledge that his heart is as full as yours, you come to realize that there can — and never will be — any doubt of that.

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foreverdolly · 18 days

Text

this is a self pitying post and i’ll probably delete it later- but when i’m sad i tend to write it out. i’ve used this blog like a diary of sorts for the last two and a half years. i’ve developed a relationship with a lot of you on here and i appreciate all the love i’ve received so far on my last post. my friends that i have in real life, no matter how long i’ve known them, don’t know too much about my upbringing or my parents. i hate the idea of trauma dumping- it’s uncomfortable for other people: so don’t read this if you don’t want to. i wouldn’t blame you.

my dad died from cirrhosis due to alcoholism. he died miserable and alone. he had no friends. his family was sick of him. i tried to call him as often as i could but sometimes he could be mean if he was drunk. i knew not to call him after 11:00 in the afternoon because he would start to drink. he lived in his youngest brother��s basement and almost never came upstairs because he was embarrassed. i haven’t seen him in three years because he lives fourteen hours from me, but i tried my hardest to call him every week and keep him involved in my life. he never saw any of my homes, never met any of my friends, and never even saw me drive a car (i’ve been licensed since i was eighteen). i cried to him almost every week, begging him to get sober.

he never recovered from my parent’s divorce, and for that i feel so sorry. he called my mother his soulmate and always spoke in past tense- talking about when me and my brother were little. he would tear up when talking about the first time he ever saw me in the hospital after my mother gave birth, and he was vocal about the fact that i was his favorite. we shared a lot of the the same interests and always had fun when talking.

when my mom made a suicide attempt two years ago he was there for me almost everyday, calling me despite the demons he was battling with himself.

the last time i spoke to him was thursday- a week from the day he died. he told me that he almost called a treatment facility but he got tired and took a nap instead. his doctors appointment was today at one and he was going to ask to be admitted and then go to a rehab facility. i told him i’d send him money while he was in there- he hasn’t been able to hold a job since i was still in high school.

my dad was a chef. a damn good cook- classically trained in french cooking. he had the loudest laugh i’ve ever heard, so much so that it used to make me cry when i was a baby. we used to wear matching costumes and he’d sign me out from school on halloween and call me out the day after. he took me to my first concert, but he couldn’t afford both the gas and the tickets (so i paid for the gas with my pocket change at the age of thirteen). he wore adidas strictly- shell toe was his favorite.

when i was little my dad was on night duty while my mom was away: tucking us in, reading us books. he refused to read to me and walked out the door but not before saying “bed bugs and stuff”. i thought it was so funny. it became our saying. every night we spent with each other we said “bed bugs and stuff”. so that was my last send off to him. i hope he’s finally resting well and isn’t depressed, ashamed or lonely anymore where he is.

he died in his sleep. they found a solo cup filled with vodka next to his bed and i can’t stop thinking about the fact that he was going to get help today. he was yellow due to jaundice. what a cruel world.

#i genuinely don’t know what to do

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grxmreaperx · 7 months

Note

Hi!!

I just read your Mark Hoffman fic and I loved it!! Would you be willing to write something with Hoffman being a little obsessed with the reader? any further plot is totally up to you, I just need more Hoffman fics. 😩 Angst, fluff, smut (if you’re okay with that of course!)?

God, I love this request!! I’m all for men being obsessed in fics. And there’s no way I can answer this request and NOT write my first Hoffman smut (👀)

Also, you’ve all been so sweet and lovely ahhh I’m so glad I made this blog!!

You Belong to Me

Pairing: Mark Hoffman x reader (reader is AFAB)

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: 18+!! Smut!! Kinda went off with this ngl. I had way too much fun with this. Mark being very dominant and obsessed with the reader. Praise and degradation kink. Hair pulling, spanking, cream pie. Mark being very possessive. Oral sex (m! receiving), fingering (f! receiving), p in v penetration. Every ounce of feminism left my body writing this.

Summary: Upon John’s request, you’ve been working as Mark’s secretary at the precinct in order to keep you off the list of suspects in the search for Jigsaw’s accomplice. Did Mark really expect you to not take this golden opportunity to mess with him? As much as he appreciates the tight pencil skirts you’ve started wearing to work, he does not appreciate the attention it is drawing from his coworkers.

You were driving him absolutely insane. He wasn’t sure whether to bash John’s skull in or worship him like Amanda does for placing you here. He already had a hard enough time focusing on stake outs and working on traps with you, and now you were here. In his place of work, where he was supposed to be professional, supposed to pretend he had never seen you before you had your “interview.”

Mark knew exactly what you were doing. Your first day you walked in here, friendly smile on your pretty face, pencil skirt glued to your legs, staring right at him.

“Good morning, Detective Hoffman.”

God, he was going to kill John.

He hadn’t exactly had time for a sex life since everything went down. His sister’s death, planning Seth Baxter’s fate, joining Jigsaw, all on top of his detective work. And it hadn’t really bothered him; he had more important things to think about.

Until John decided you’d be a perfect addition to the team.

---

You knew your plan was working exactly how you wanted.

John hadn’t tested him yet, so why shouldn’t you? The detective needed to be tested, didn’t he?

You saw how he stared at you when you walked into work each morning, spending the time before your shift picking out the perfect outfit that you knew would drive the man mad.

You had decided months ago that you tired of the tension, the pull you felt towards the man every night you spent working together. And now John, bless his soul, had given you the perfect opportunity to do something about it.

You had seen some of the other men at the station watching you, eyes hovering a bit too long on your legs and ass. It didn’t bother you much, you ignored them for the most part, they weren’t your test subject, they weren’t your detective, so you hardly even noticed.

But, oh, did Mark notice. He noticed every fucking time. And every time was a new test of his willpower. Every single time, all he could think about was what sort of trap he could devise that would be worthy of the pigs who dared look at you.

---

“How you doing today, honey?” You turned around in your chair and saw Henry Miller, one of the cops that was most persistent with you. You were friendly with him; he was nice enough. The only problem was he thought he had a shot with you.

“Morning, Henry. I’m doing alright, how are you today?”

“I’d be a lot better if you finally let me take you out tonight.”

You scoffed. “How many times do I need to tell you I’m not interested before it finally gets through?”

He leaned on your desk, hands resting on the table, staring intently at you from across the surface. “Cmon, baby. Just one dinner, that’s all I ask. I’m very persistent.”

“Miller, isn’t there something you’re supposed to be doing?” You recognized the deep voice instantly and had to stop yourself from grinning. This was perfect.

The smile dropped from Henry’s face when he saw Hoffman staring daggers at him. He looked like a deer in the headlights, a child that had been caught stealing candy.

“Yes, sir,” he muttered, before quickly making his way back to his desk.

“And you,” he started, eyes on you. “In my office.”

You flashed him your best smile. “Of course, Detective.”

----

“Sit down.”

You sat down in the chair across from him, trying to scope out the look on his face. His jaw was tense and shoulders tight. He looked like he was about to explode.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir.”

He sucked in a breath. “Bullshit.” He stood up, slowly making his way around the table. “You walk in here every day, in your tight little skirts, giving me that proud little smile, and you’re going to sit here and act like you don’t know exactly what you’re doing? I don’t think so, sweetheart.” He placed on a hand on each armrest, eyes boring down into you. “Now, let’s try again, shall we? What the fuck was that?”

Bingo.

You smiled up at him. “I just want to look nice for you, Detective.”

He shook his head and gritted his teeth. “Oh, you wanna look pretty for me, is that it?” You nod. “You know what would make you look real pretty? Get on your fucking knees.”

Embarrassingly quick, you sink out of the chair and onto your knees, staring up at the man. He smirks.

“Well? You just gonna stare at me? Don’t act like you don’t know what to do.”

You reach up and slowly get to work on his belt, trying to act like you still have some sort of control. Not that you minded, but it was still nice to pretend.

All resolve left you went he wrapped a hand in your hair, pulling back until your chin was pointed up at him. “Don’t do that. You’ve teased me enough. Now it’s your turn.”

You pulled down his pants just enough to reach his dick. You sucked in a breath. You had some idea of what you were in for, but fuck.

You tried to tease him a bit more, you really did, but as soon as you heard the deep groan when you took him into your mouth, you were done for.

His hand in your hair guided you, bobbing your head on his dick, feeling it hit the back of your throat each time. Each tug on your hair, each time you felt the tip of his dick down your throat, you felt a spark go straight between your legs. You looked up at him through thick eyelashes, eyes slightly teary, spit spilling over your lips.

“God, I knew it. You do look very pretty like this, sweetheart.”

You were slightly disappointed when he finally pulled your head back, dick soaked with your spit. “Get up.”

You shakily got to your feet, suddenly aware of how much of a mess you must be. His eyes roamed over your body, examining you from head to toe.

“Go on, sweetheart. Bend over the desk for me.”

You quickly complied, bending over the front his desk, legs slightly spread. You felt him behind you, placing his hands on your hips before landing a hard smack on your ass. His hands pushed up skirt, pooling it around your waist and exposing you to him. He ran a finger over your underwear, pressing lightly on your clit, before landing another blow.

“Such a little slut, aren’t you? Already soaked for me. Have you enjoyed acting like a brat?” Another smack. “I asked you a question.”

“Yes,” you said softly.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Much better.” He pushed your underwear aside, running a finger through your folds. You felt your hips push back, trying to get more. More of anything, more of him. He pulled his hand away, running it over your thighs. “So desperate, aren’t you? You know exactly what you’ve been doing to me, teasing me, acting like a brat. Why should I touch you?”

“Please, sir, I’m sorry. I just wanted – “

“Wanted what? Wanted me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” you breathed. You felt him slide one finger in, quickly followed by a second. You bit your lip, suddenly aware of where you were and who was outside this office.

“So, you thought you’d make me jealous, hm?” he asked, fingers slowly pumping in and out of you. You nodded, rolling your hips against his fingers. As soon as he felt your movement, he pulled his fingers away. A whimper left your lips.

“Why should I make you feel good, when you’ve done nothing but tease me for months?”

“Please, sir. I need it.”

“Louder.”

“But- “

“I said louder.”

“Please, sir, please, fuck.”

He slid into you all at once, not giving you any time to adjust to his size. You let out a loud moan, before clamping a hand over your mouth, hoping to God no one heard you.

His hand found its way to your hair, pulling you toward him, back arching. You felt his lips right next to your ear as he finally moved his hips, pulling almost completely out before pounding back in. “No, no, baby. You want to tease me, make me jealous, let these cops flirt with you? You’re gonna let this whole fucking office know who you belong to.”

He set a rapid pace, hips snapping against yours. You felt your eyes roll back in your head, legs unsteady.

Mark groaned in your ear. “God, do you have any idea how many times I’ve thought about this pussy? How many times I’ve thought about bending you over and ruining you? Do you have any fucking idea what you’ve done to me? You’re all I fucking think about anymore.”

You let out a loud moan, no longer caring who heard you two. “God, fuck.”

“Cmon baby, tell me who you belong to.”

“You, sir.”

“Louder.” His long, hard strokes made your legs weak.

“I belong to you, sir! I’m all yours!”

“Good girl.” His other hand reached around your front, fingers quickly finding your clit and drawing quick circles around it. “Now, let everyone out there know that I’m the only one that gets to make you cum.”

Your legs shook and you knew if it weren’t for his arms holding you up, you wouldn’t be able to stand. Your mind was blank, forgetting everything but his words and the feeling of his cock filling you.

Your vision went white as your orgasm washed over you, the room filled with sounds of you moaning his name and his skin slapping against yours. You felt his pace falter slightly, his breath hot on your ear as he emptied himself inside you.

You stayed like that for a moment, both trying to catch your breath, before he finally pulled out of you and slid your skirt down.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about doing that,” he said, breathless, as he pulled his pants back up.

You let out a soft laugh. “Me too.” You start to grab a tissue from the box on his desk to clean yourself up before he grabbed your wrist. He spun you around to face him, face inches from yours.

“I don’t think so, sweetheart. I want everyone to know that you’re mine. And I want to see you try and hold yourself together with my cum dripping down your thighs.” He gave you a smirk before letting go of your wrist, making his way back to his chair, and continuing his work as if nothing had happened.

He couldn’t help but smile to himself as you tried to make yourself look somewhat presentable.

Maybe your plan worked a bit too well.

---

Let me know if you guys like this!! I've been thinking about doing a NSFW alphabet with our lovely detective, let me know if you guys would be interested 👀

#mark hoffman x reader #saw #saw franchise #smut #fanfic #fanfiction

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fandoms-writings · 10 months

Note

omg remi i keep meaning to send in asks for your event but i always forget i’m so sorryxbzbdbz

request time!! what about "Come get me? I miss you." with any of your bucky’s, with a kisses extra please? <3

Ahhhh this one was fun to write <3 i had to stop before it got too long lmao

Pairing: Avenger!Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 1.5K

Summary: Bucky gets handsy when he's drunk lol

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, drunk!bucky, implied smut at the end, due to the content of my blog this is 18+ only

A/N: this is unbeta'd all mistakes are my own

Masterpost || Bucky Masterlist || Event Post

It wasn't that Bucky was a lightweight. No, it was that asgardian liquor had a certain kick to it that sent Bucky into a drunken handsy mess. You sat in his lap, his hand roaming and squeezing the muscles of your legs and your hips and he nuzzled his nose into your neck.

As he laughed into your skin at something Steve said, you couldn't help but think back to the first time you'd seen him drunk, which was the first time he'd felt comfortable letting loose like that in front of the rest of the team.

You'd grown tired of the party earlier than he did, retiring to your shared room for the rest of the evening and taking the opportunity to have a self care night. You took a bath, washed your face, did a mask, your nails - the whole nine yards.

Finally in pajamas, hair dry and skin feeling the softest it's been in awhile, you crawled into bed, your comfort show on the TV as you got comfy. Then your show paused and FRIDAYs voice called your name through your speakers.

A sigh left your lips as you shut your eyes, "Yes?"

"Mr. Barnes is requesting to speak with you," She announced and your brows scrunched. He could just come back to the room if he wanted to talk to you so bad. But part of you had your anxiety peaking - maybe something happened downstairs and it was an emergency.

"Put him through."

"Yes ma'am." It was only a moment of quiet where you were questioning everything before Bucky's voice filled the room.

"Babyyyy," he sang out, "Baaabyyyy."

You shook your eyes as you got ready to stand, "Yes, my love?" You called back and you heard his gasp as if he didn't know you'd answer. He must've been calling for you before FRIDAY connected him.

"You answered!" You could hear the smile in his words as he told you about how he didn't think you'd still be awake.

"I'm awake, but not for much longer," You informed him, "What's going on?"

He was quiet for a moment before he finally replied, "Can you come get me?" His voice was small and you couldn't hear a smile anymore, "I miss you."

There was a tugging in your heart as you threw the covers off of your legs and stood from the bed.

"Where are you, Bucky?"

"At the compound," You rolled your eyes, but decided not to tell him you were also already there. "In the activity room. Everyone already went to bed."

"And they left you there by yourself?" You slipped on your fuzzy socks, the damn floors Stark had chosen were always freezing the bottoms of your feet, and he confirmed his statement. "Stay there okay? I'll be there soon."

You disconnected the call from FRIDAY before telling her to keep an eye on Bucky while you made your way down, taking the elevator ride to mentally prepare yourself for whatever state the team had left Bucky in.

Padding down the hallway, you slowed at the corner leading to the activity room when you heard voices. When you peaked around the corner, you saw a very out of it Bucky leaning against a sober looking Steve.

"I know where she is, I can take you to her," Steve tried to convince Bucky but your boyfriend shook his head.

"Nuh uh, she tol' me she was comin 'ere," His brows were scrunched when he looked at Steve, "I ain't movin'." Steve chuckled and shook his head and you couldn't help but do the same.

"Alright, pal, we'll wait together yeah?" You couldn't stop the small smile that grew on your lips as you watched Bucky's head lean against his friend's shoulder. You gave him another moment to relax with Steve before you rounded the corner, sneaking your way over to the couch.

Steve spotted your first, catching you in the corner of his eye, and he smiled and waved. You returned the gesture before seeing Bucky with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful you didn't want to wake him, but you also didn't want Steve to have to be stuck here all night, not that he'd complain - he'd do anything for Bucky even if it meant sitting still on the couch all night.

"Hey, punk," Steve softly said, getting a hum out of Bucky, "Open your eyes, look who's here."

Bucky's eyes lazily opened, sluggishly scanning the room before landing on you, snapping the rest of the way open as a giant smile broke out on his face.

"Baby!" He called for you, holding his hands out to touch you and you closed the distance, stepping into his hands as they wound around your back and pulled you forward. He buried his face in your stomach, taking a deep inhale as your fingers threaded through his hair. "You came."

"Of course I did," You muttered into his hair before placing a kiss there and looking at Steve, thanking him for watching over you boyfriend.

"You got this?" he whispered to you and you nodded.

"Yeah, if I need help, I'll call you." He nodded and stood, patting you on the shoulder before walking down the hall.

"You wanna go back to our room, hm?" You asked, pulling Bucky's face away from your stomach so you could see him.

He nodded and you tried to help him stand, though it was hard with his wandering hands. Eventually, you got him to his feet, and half carried him to the elevator. With him propped against the wall, you leaned over, pressing the button for your floor.

His arms wrapped around you from behind, his metal hand pushing its way up and under your shirt, grabbing one of your breasts and squeezing it in his grip. You let him lean into you, his other hand coming around your front, drawing lazy patterns over your stomach before it started to tease at your waistband, his pink pushing the edge of it trying to get past it.

You grabbed his hand, giggling at the sound of disappointment that rumbled behind you. "Bucky, you know there are cameras all over this place, including the elevators right?"

"So? I wan touch you," his hand on your breast squeezed as his lips placed lazy kisses on your neck and you had to keep yourself together at the sensation the cool of his metal against your nipple did to you.

"I know you do," You said, looking over your shoulder at him, "But do you want to give Stark a free show?" His nose pressed into your neck as he grumbled.

"No. . ." He muttered after a while earning another giggle from you as his hand still hadn't left your chest.

"Then, if you can stay awake once we get back to our room, you can touch me all you want." You promised, nudging his nose with yours and smiling as his eyes lit up with determination.

"I can," He said, swaying as he stepped back from you, "I can stay 'wake."

The elevator stopped on your floor and you helped him get to the bedroom, helping him sit on the bed and take his shoes off. He laid back on top of the comforter with a sigh before looking at you and giving you grabby hands.

You placed one of your hands in his, leaning over him to place a kiss on his lips, "I'll be right back, okay?" He pouted at you but nodded, leaning up to mold his mouth with yours once more before letting your hand go and watching you walk off to the restroom.

When you came back, he was lightly snoring, laying the wrong way on the bed. You tried waking him to move him, but he was out cold, so you grabbed the pillows from the head of the bed and moved them to where he was. You pulled out an extra blanket, since he was laying on top of the other ones, and once you had him turned to his side just in case, you snuggled in behind him, throwing the blanket over the both of you.

His laugh snapped you out of the memory and you looked down at him. He glanced up at you, catching your gaze and his smile softened.

"What is it?" He asked, squeezing your leg.

"Nothing," You grinned, leaning down to his ear, "Do you wanna come upstairs with me before you get too tired?" You asked, taking the lobe of his ear between your teeth for a split second before pulling away.

When you looked at him again, the pupils in his eyes had blown wide and he had a single-minded gaze on you.

"Get up," he ordered, "Let's go." You stood giggling, bidding everyone a good night before Bucky all but chased you to the elevator, almost giving Stark a show on the way up to your room where, this time, Bucky didn't know the meaning of the word tired. All. Night. Long.

#remisneonparty #bucky x reader #bucky x f!reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanficiton #avenger!bucky #avenger!reader #drunk!bucky #avenger!bucky x avenger!reader #bucky fluff #fandoms writings

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wardenparker · 15 days

Text

Hummingbird Has Landed, ch 10

Marcus Pike x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

After the debacle of his failed engagement and relocating to Washington to take charge of his task force, newly minted Special Agent Marcus Pike is ready to get back out into the dating pool once more. A slew of bad dates has him feeling a little down, and he takes an old friend up on an invitation to get away and get his head on straight. Imagine his surprise when he finds not only fresh air, but his soulmate as well - hiding in plain sight but in the unlikeliest of places.

Rating: Mature, but this blog is always 18+ Word Count: 12.3k Warnings: *Blanket warnings for this series: occasional mention of American politics, pregnant character, food/alcohol consumption, mentions of clothing/regulated dressing for occasions, mentions of therapy because we believe in self care here, reader is in a previous relationship, love triangle, reader is mentioned as turning 30 during the course of the story, dom/sub dynamics* In-laws (nice ones though!), passing mention of federal agents possessing guns, family dynamics, that one family member that married someone awful, the mystery of Agent Bailey begins to unravel, discussion of life in the public eye, planning for the future, discussion of collaring. Summary: After a rather dramatic birthday, heading to Texas to meet Marcus's family seems like a walk in the park. Notes: I am 100% certain that I have missed errors this week, loves. But alas, ya girl is back to working five days a week and she is SO tired. ✌ Please enjoy the chaos that is the Pike extended family!

Ch1 ~ Ch 2 ~ Ch 3 ~ Ch 4 ~ Ch 5 ~ Ch 6 ~ Ch 7 ~ Ch 8 ~ Ch 9

The flight from Washington DC to Dallas is just over three hours long and you had agreed that it would be better to leave early in the morning on Saturday to arrive at his family's compound before lunchtime. The last two weeks have been a dream as you and Marcus spend basically all of your extra time together, sharing dinners after work and alternating beds for overnight stays. He's even come to his first Friday Night Dinner with your family, which makes it all the more appropriate that you're now flying with him to meet his.

Airline points used, Marcus was well aware that on a commercial flight, Agent Bailey would be much more comfortable with First Class and boarding the plane last. Allowing for the rest of the plane to embark so they were not filing past her and you. Now that the flight is closed and you are settled into your seat, he looks over at you with a smile. "Ready for chaos?" He asks playfully, picking up your hand. "My family is....energetic."

“I’m excited,” you assure him. You’re also nervous, but that’s natural. His big family is having their annual springtime get together for the start of baseball season and — according to Marcus — this is the biggest Pike family get together of the year. It’s a week of pickup games with his cousins, big family meals, revisiting old favorite haunts, and catching up on life. It used to be a way to help distract Marcus and his Mom as his Dad started out the new season every year and started traveling, but now it’s just their favorite reason to get together.

“Don’t feel like you have to do anything you don’t feel like.” Marcus insists. “Plenty of times half the cousins or wives and husbands end up in the stands watching and shit talking.”

“Baby if you think I’m not playing at least one game, you’re nuts.” Marcus has been so sweet about reassuring you and making sure you know nothing is expected of you on this trip, but frankly it just sounds like fun. Like the kind of happy chaos that is a complete break from your normal life.

He flashes you a grin. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He admits shamelessly. “After the games, we grill out or eat whatever we threw on the smoker that morning.” He shrugs. “It’s a party the entire time.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” You have been, and you are, and seeing him get excited would make the whole thing worth it even if you weren’t.

“Everyone is excited to meet you.” He promises. “Oh and mom asked if you had any allergies? Food or otherwise?” He shoots you a sheepish grin. “Forgot to ask.”

“Nothing at all. I’ll eat anything you put in front of me and sniff whatever weird Texas plants you guys have got.” A teasing grin counters his embarrassed one. “My brother and I did a campaign stop in Texas; I don’t think there was anything too sniffly in Austin. But I know the state is big.”

“Huge.” He snorts, smirking slightly. “You know what they say. ‘Everything’s bigger in Texas’.” He jokes.

"Oh yeah?" The smirk that forms on your face is immediate and you lean over to nudge his shoulder. "Is that how you grew up so big?"

“Not that big.” He chuckles. “My cousins – the males – are bigger.”

Snorting slightly, you can't help but laugh as you nudge Marcus again. "That sounds painful."

“Shit.” Marcus chokes and shakes his head. “I didn’t mean that.”

"Well good," you're still laughing, juvenile sense of humor on full display even if you're quiet. "Otherwise I'd feel bad for their spouses."

He snorts and leans into press his lips to yours. “I’m the biggest.” He boasts, completely lying and he winks to acknowledge that. Not like him and his cousins have compared…since before puberty.

"Naughty." It's chastising, but you giggle as you steal another kiss as you both settle back in your seats for a short but comfortable flight.

Marcus hums as the flight attendant comes by. “Do you want a mimosa?” He asks softly. “Start our vacation off right?”

"Why not? Let's have a fancy flight." First class is already a bit of an extravagance, and you smile at the flight attendant gratefully. They are well aware of who is on board – Agent Bailey had background checks run on the flight crew as a precaution – and discreetly point out your agent to the gentleman. "And a cup of coffee for the woman in the suit right over there? She'll say she doesn't want anything but I know she'd love a cup right about now."

“Yes madam.” He nods and smiles back at you, finding it refreshing that you aren’t over demanding like some political figures. One asshole really set his teeth on edge last month.

"Thank you so much." The last thing you want to do is make a fuss for the flight crew, and you sit back with Marcus's hand in yours. As nervous as you might be, this is going to be a good week.

“Anywhere you want to see in particular?” Marcus asks, stretching his legs in the extra space the first row gives you. “We don’t have to rent a car. Although I know Agent Bailey will want one of the Secret Service vehicles to follow.

"I want to see whatever you want to show me. Any place you used to hang out when you were growing up, or favorite local places, or even places you've never been that you've always wanted to go." It's his hometown, after all, even if he wasn't born there. Texas is where he became the Marcus that you know and love.

“There’s a band that’s playing Friday night.” Marcus tells you. “At the bar where I used to play.” He chuckles. “It’s my old bandmates.”

"One hundred percent." Your agreement is absolutely instant and there is a giant smile on your face. "No contest. It will be the perfect way to spend our last night in Dallas. Well...last night for now. I know we'll come back plenty of times."

“Awesome.” His grin is wide, happy that you would want to listen to some music and hang out. Potentially meeting old friends. “Then that’s what we’ll do. You’ll like the place.”

"I'll love it." Just like everything else this week, you're looking forward to it because it's something that you'll share with him. It's the early memories of your relationship, as you share the things with each other that made you who you are.

The family compound is exactly that. A compound. Built during the first contract with the Yankees, Pike’s Place as it was fondly referred to, had started out as a way for Marcus’s dad to build the retirement home of his parents’ dreams and ended up being the multi-generational property it is today.

There are more than a half dozen buildings in the property, a large pool and a garden, and even their own personal baseball diamond. It’s like having a resort built specifically for his family. Stuck smack in the middle between a ranch to the south and another large family property to the north, no one would even have any idea that neighbors existed around here if they weren’t told about it.

The main house is a beautiful American Craftsman-style building with a deep front porch and a swing out front, painted bold blue and white against the yellow Texas sun. Matthew and Donna Pike’s house is well-appointed but far bigger than it looks on the outside, and all around it is a stunning garden that they keep together as a shared hobby. The backyard sprawls on endlessly, but for right now you can see more cars than people. It looks like everyone is congregating with Uncle Matt and Aunt Donna.

Marcus’s smile gets visibly wider the closer you get and when the car stops, he’s almost vibrating with joy. He’s not nervous at all, knowing that his entire family will adore you. “Are you ready?” He asks again, not even waiting to the reply before he is shooting out of the car to open the door for you.

“You didn’t tell me you grew up in the cutest place on Earth,” you tease happily, practically giggling at how picturesque it is as you get out of the rental car.

“It’s home.” He looks around the property proudly. “Even when we were living somewhere else because of dad’s job, this was always home.”

“It’s beautiful.” You squeeze into his side and grin back at Agent Bailey as she gets out of the second rental car. “I hope you get to relax a little while we’re down here, too. It’s got to be a hell of a nice change of pace from looking at the inn every day.”

Agent Bailey notes the fence that seems to stretch around the property with approval. “We might be more secure here.”

“Glad to hear it.” Anything that makes her more comfortable is more than okay with you. With as hard as she works, she deserves to be able relax whenever she can.

“Dad installed a fence when he had some fans come up to the house when he was on an away trip.” Marcus explains. They had done one of those ‘where the star athletes live’ things in the Sports Illustrated magazine and someone figured out where it was.” He shakes his head. “Dad was furious, and the compound got an upgrade.”

“Sounds like a solid response to me,” the Secret Service agent agrees as she looks around the property.

“Although, he does open the compound up for youth programs. Training, spending the day with baseball players.” Marcus smiles proudly.

“I love how proud of him you are.” You slip your hand into Marcus’s again and give him a beaming smile. “Time for the chaos, baby. Let’s do it.”

Marcus laughs as the two of you hear the playful shouts from the backyard. The little welcoming barbecue that your father had insisted on was already in full swing. He can’t wait to see how you take all of his cousins and nieces and nephews wearing name tags.

It only takes about a second before someone notices you, letting out a boisterous shout across the yard and garden. “Well, looky what the cat dragged in!”

“Charlie.” Marcus leans in to tell you as every head turns your way. “First cousin from my mom’s side. Can’t believe he’s the first one.”

“Is Charlie not usually this friendly?” You ask under your breath, smiling and waving as more and more heads turn your way.

“Just…unobservant.” Marcus hums, smiling wider when his mother drops her platter of finger foods on a table and rushes forward. “You made it!”

Dr. Donna Pike is a tall woman with a wide smile and honey brown eyes, but right now her most noticeable feature is her long arms which reach out to fold out her only son like a protective mama bird. "Flight was okay?" She asks, smiling at Marcus's nod before she shifts over to hug you in turn.

When she had been told that Marcus had found his soulmate, she had been thrilled. Not because he had to be with his soulmate, she wasn’t narrow minded like that, but because he’s always had so much love to give. She can only hope that you will do well receiving it and return a fraction of it back to him. The others hadn’t seen how pure his heart is. She says your name and squeezes you tight. “How are you? It’s such a delight to meet you.”

"Thank you for having me." Her hands are on your shoulder and it's instantly obvious where Marcus's beaming smile comes from. "I've heard so many wonderful things from Marcus about his family, I'm really excited to meet everyone."

“Well if anyone is too much, or we all are, you just tell us to go away.” She snorts, shooting you a grin. “We are a bit much as a collective.”

"I promise my threshold for much is very high." It has to be, with the kind of people that are always around political figures, but this week is not about you. You do smile again, though, and urge Agent Bailey to come closer than her usual three steps away. "And thank you for understanding that things are not very conventional for me right now. This is Agent Bailey. She's my duty agent and an absolutely superb human."

Donna smiles at the agent, although she doesn’t attempt to hug her. Aware that it might be deemed as threatening. “She is also extremely welcomed.” She nods and offers her hand. “I hope you can relax and have some fun as well, Agent Bailey. We have a comfortable room set up for you at the top of the stairs, just down the hall from them.”

"Thank you, Dr. Pike." Agent Bailey accepts the handshake gratefully. Some people perceive her presence as threatening and that just isn't the case. Especially not here.

“Please, call me Donna.” She insists. “Now, we’ve told the children they are not to ask about your gun, but I do hope that you will change out of your suit into more weather appropriate clothes?” She asks. “Texas is too hot for bespoke all day.”

Agent Bailey actually laughs at that, and you smile when she nods. "I'll be dressed down while I'm here, don't worry about that. Being conspicuous doesn't do much good in protection most of the time."

“Good.” Marcus’s mother smiles. “I’ve also taken the liberty of moving Marcus’s gun safe into your room. For when you are needing to secure it.” She frowns and looks towards Marcus. “Did you bring your own, sweetheart? I didn’t think to ask.”

"Very kind of you, ma'am, but not necessary." Agent Bailey assures her. "I have a portal safe in my luggage. Agent Pike also has his firearm so we'll both be secure and safe that way."

“Told you.” Matthew Pike snakes his arm around his wife and kisses her cheek. “Always overthinking. But I love it.”

"Precautions are good, sweetheart," Donna reminds him, but she smiles.

Marcus and his father could be twins, except for the older man has more pronounced wrinkles from a career spent in the sun. “So this is the gorgeous creature the universe paired you with?” He unwinds his arm from around his own soulmate to pull his son into a bear hug. “Aren’t you a lucky man?”

"I swore I was only going to do this once while we were here." Standing beside Marcus and practically vibrating, you know you probably look silly but you don't care. "Mr. Pike, I am a huge fan and I promise there will be no more fangirling from this point on, but I just wanted to say that once."

There’s a grin that matches his son’s, currently on both of the Pike men’s faces. “Marcus….she has taste.” He teases, winking at you and pulling you in for a hug. “You can fangirl all you like, sweetheart.”

“I’m just very excited to be here,” you admit, laughing as you hug your soulmate’s father in turn. “Marcus…he’s absolutely amazing. I hope you’re as proud of him as he is of both of you.”

“More-so.” Matthew promises, already liking you. “Although, let’s get you settled and a first drink in your hand before we introduce you to everyone else, hm?”

You and Marcus follow his parents through the house and Agent Bailey notes the features of the house with interest but doesn’t interfere. So far, everything is straight forward. She just hopes it stays that way. For your sake.

The tour of the house is easy. A large, open concept main living area is perfect for entertaining, and lines of sight. “Our bedroom is downstairs.” Donna explains. “So you kids will have the top floor to yourselves. Everyone else is staying in the bunkhouse this trip.”

The bunkhouse, as it has been explained to you, is the largest building on the compound which basically amounts to a Pike family motel. Plenty of parking and plenty of rooms to stay in makes it the place that is customarily occupied by Marcus's enormous brood of cousins. "And I'm sure Marcus told you," Matthew glances back at you as the five of you walk together. "But the basement is a game room. Foosball table, game systems, all that kind of thing."

“I was going to show her.” Marcus admits with a shrug. “But she’s bowled in the White House, I doubt our game room would impress her.”

"You are seriously underestimating my love of foosball," you assure Marcus. "I'm terrible at it, but I love it."

“Don’t worry.” Matthew chuckles. “My son excels at pool but cannot figure out a foosball table.”

"Then we can be terrible together," you decide, thankfully garnering a laugh from both Marcus and his parents.

“Which will be a lot of fun.” Marcus chuckles. “When bad weather rolls through, we enjoy the game room and there are people everywhere.” He warns. “One time, we had a checkers tournament, so all the little kids could be involved too.”

The group of you stop in the kitchen for large glasses of sweet tea, and Agent Bailey excuses herself to bring her things upstairs and change into some more civilian-oriented clothes. There are pictures of the family all around the house, but none as prevalent as the pictures of Marcus. His graduations, his triumphs, and some absolutely adorable childhood photos adorn the walls of the house, and you smile at every single one. At one time his wedding picture must have hung on these walls too, or other pictures of him and Lara, and for a moment your heart clenches with regret that he was ever hurt but swells with the knowledge that he’ll never be hurt like that again. The next wedding pictures on these walls will be of you with him, and those will never be coming down.

“Home sweet home.” Marcus hums, watching you take in the space that he had mostly grown up in.

“Ready kids?” Matthew Pike chuckles, opening the sliding kitchen doors to the backyard with great ceremony.

“Don’t worry.” Marcus quickly assures you. “Everyone has had their rabies shots. So they aren’t as feral as they seem.”

For all the teasing, the hugs from his cousins are immediate. They descend on you like a swarm of eager birds, flapping their wings and chattering away as they all introduce themselves and say how happy they are to see Marcus and to meet you.

Marcus smiles at every one of them. Greets them like long lost friends, which they are. They are the friends of his entire childhood and he's happy to introduce you.

A man wearing a name tag that marks him as Uncle Rob holds up two more name tags proudly — one emblazoned Marcus and the other Birdie. “Marcus told us you prefer your nickname,” his father explains with a grin.

“It’s perfect,” you assure them, taking the name tag with a bursting heart. “Absolutely perfect.”

“Uncle Rob is a treasure.” Marcus tells you as he is pulled into a hug and slaps his uncle’s back.

"Uncle Rob is his mother's younger brother," the man clarifies with a happy grin. "Four of the cousins are ours, but I won't quiz you on the family tree just yet."

"I appreciate that." Your laugh of acknowledgement comes easily. "But I've been studying, I promise."

Marcus laughs, knowing how worried you had been over this visit, and it seems as if you are blending in well. He reaches out and squeezes your hip affectionately. “She’s a quick study.”

"Probably mandatory." One of his cousins – her nametag says Selena – teases as she offers you a hug. "Can't imagine the way family debates go when your Mom is the President."

"They're....active." You admit with another laugh. The hug is readily accepted, too. Pikes are apparently very huggy people. "I'm just glad we don't have to come up with opening and closing arguments."

She laughs and nods. “No, but here you might be asked the ERA or RBI stats of anyone you are a ‘fan’ of.” She advises. “So beware.”

"I can absolutely handle stats." For some reason Selena's energy is a lot more calm and reassuring than some of the other cousins, and you feel a little more at ease with her at the moment. "Most of the time I've got those on lock even when nobody's asked."

“How do you take your hotdog?” She asks, narrowing her eyes playfully. “Get it right and we can be friends.”

"It's not gonna be what you want it to be," you laugh, though you do appreciate the way Selena measures her new acquaintances. "I'm from Philly, so pepper hash and spicy mustard."

Her frown is replaced by a smirk and she nods. “You didn’t say ketchup, so you’re good in my book.” She smirks, eyeing Marcus who is huffing and rolling his eyes. “I don’t claim her.” He snorts.

"Too bad," you tease back, looping your arm through his cousin's. "She's delightful and I'm adopting her immediately."

“She’s not housebroken.” He warns, ducking the playful swat she aims towards him.

"Neither is my brother, and we let him into the White House," you snort, laughing even harder when Selena snickers.

Matthew chuckles and he pats his son on the shoulder. “Too late now, son, Selena has charmed her.” He advises.

"I steal hearts," the woman beside you jokes, throwing you an exaggerated wink. "My parents named me after Selena Kyle. It's not my fault."

“Last year you said you were named after Selena Quintanilla-Pérez.” He reminds her with a grin, slapping away her hand again and tapping her chin fondly. “You were lying?” Of course she was, considering she was nine when Selena rose to fame.

"You should keep the Catwoman reference," you advise her with a grin. "Mysterious and nerdy. Very sexy choices."

“See?” Selena smugly grins at Marcus. “Your soulmate has taste.”

Marcus can’t help but grin at that. “So I keep hearing.”

“I have the very best taste.” You agree with that assessment wholeheartedly, leaning back over to Marcus to kiss his cheek.

That makes him laugh quietly and he leans in to hug Selena. “You do. Especially in soulmates.” He teases.

“Oh no.” Pretending to be grossed out, Selena rolls her eyes dramatically but is smiling fully at seeing her cousin happy. “Did you finally find someone as gross as you are when you’re in love?”

“Grosser.” Marcus hums, grinning at you lovingly. “My perfect match.”

“Stop hogging them!” A voice calls out from halfway down the yard, and yet another of Marcus’s smiling cousins can be seen lounging on a picnic table. “We all need to get our annual harassment in, ya know!”

“Oh god.” Marcus hangs his head, even as he laughs. He knows everything is in good fun and he will be harassing them right back.

Thank god for the nametags. You'd be utterly lost without them, even after the flashcards you made for yourself with permission from Marcus to scout his Facebook page for photos of his family. There are just too many of them. The conversations swirl and so do the introductions, but Marcus sticks with you. By the time everyone starts eating the conversation dies down a little and you find yourself at a table with Marcus, his parents, Selena, and her twin sister Harper. Plates of barbecue and cold salads come with fresh glasses of cold sweet tea or cans of soda, and the most relaxed atmosphere of chaos you've been in the middle of in a long time. In your book, this is vastly preferable to a State dinner.

“So what do you think?” Even Agent Bailey has a plate and a drink in her hand, talking to Rodger, one of his dad’s oldest friends. He always comes to these weeks. “She’s gonna relax some?”

"Seems like it." The sight of Agent Bailey socializing is like a miracle to you. A unicorn in real life if ever you saw one. "Any chance your Dad's friend is a beer guy? I found out last week that Agent Bailey brews her own as a hobby and I am endlessly fascinated by all the niche hobbies I keep finding out she has."

Marcus chuckles. “Rodger owns the brewery that supplies the Rangers with the Pike’s Pints.” He explains. “So he’s kind of a renaissance man when it comes to beer.”

"So she has a new best friend?" You laugh, leaning into his side as you eat. "That's fantastic. I hope she has some new ideas to be excited about by the time the week is out."

“My question is this…when does she have time?” He asks, shaking his head. “She’s always with you.”

"I don't think she sleeps." It's a question you've asked yourself plenty of times, but have yet to find an answer. "Apparently she has a dog and a husband and everything? A whole damn life. I'm so glad that doing the job she does hasn't kept her from it."

“Holy shit.” He snorts and looks back at the woman in question with more than slight admiration. “She’s a superhero.”

"She really is." There's no denying that whatsoever.

The meal progresses and his mother smiles at you. “So please, tell me about your inn.” She insists. “Marcus said that you have created a beautiful oasis.”

"It's my happy place." The question – and the description – make you beam. "And...sort of my first child, as well. I bought it from the previous owners a few years ago and my best friend runs the restaurant. It's a beautiful historical property in Alexandria, just outside of DC."

“It sounds like it’s your baby.” She smiles happily and nods. “He has had nothing but praise for it, and you, since his first phone call.”

"He's been wonderfully supportive. I couldn't ask for a more understanding or helpful partner." You do flash him a grin, though, and decide to rat him out to his mother just a tiny bit. "I do think the restaurant is at least half the reason he spends so much time there, though. It's amazing."

“He has always led with his stomach.” Donna snorts, shooting you a conspiratorial grin. “When he was a teen, he was always starving.” She intones dramatically.

"Isn't that how all teenage boys are made?" The laugh you share isn't at his expense, just shared amusement, and you pick up your sandwich again. "At least, my brother was always that way. I swear he ate six meals a day from ages twelve to twenty."

Marcus laughs and Donna rolls her eyes. “Marcus still sometimes eats six meals a day.” She snorts. “At least that’s the way it sounds when he calls. Always snacking.”

“That’s probably my fault these days,” you admit with a guilty grin. “I’m a snacker. Maybe that’s just another fun little quirk in the broad scheme of things.”

“I just have to run more.” Marcus chuckles, picking up a pickle spear and biting it in half. “So I can still beat everyone here stealing second.”

“We’ll see.” Selena narrows her eyes at him in challenge. “I’ve been training.”

“Oh you have, have you?” Marcus snorts and winks at his cousin. “Twenty bucks says I steal more bases than you.”

“Fine,” Selena shrugs, smirking as she leans back in her seat. “I’ll be out there stealing more hearts, anyway.”

“I’ve already got the heart I want.” Marcus informs her, picking up your hand and kissing the back of it dramatically.

“I love you, too.” Over the weeks, the promise has become stronger between the two of you and little daydreams about the future don’t seem so far off anymore — though you haven’t really planned anything beyond agreeing that you want to be together.

"See?" He smirks towards Selena with a fluttering of his lashes. "She loves me, so I am complete."

“You’re completely gross and I’m very happy for you,” Selena teases back. “You’ll have the picturesque wedding you always dreamed of, and a million kids, and make an east coast version of Pike Place.”

"Ohhhhh." He tilts his head curiously as he looks back at you. "Modern day Kennedy Compound?" He suggests. "Our version of Hyannis Port at the inn?"

“That’s a lot bigger than a little colonial cottage at the back of the grounds,” you remind him, but the idea makes your chest swell with absolute love. “But I think if we build at the back of the property we could do a bigger house and get away with it. People wouldn’t even be able to tell the two are connected.”

He smiles at the idea. "We will have to find out who owns the property adjoining yours." He hums. "Expand."

“So you’re already talking about a family, then?” His father, obviously enamored of the thought, smiles broadly. His son has always been a family man, even when that definition just meant his best friends were his cousins.

"We are planning out a lot of things." Marcus admits with a grin, unable to contain the happiness at the idea. "Not sure when that's going to happen, but we are on the same page."

“Maybe sometime before we’re too old and gray to travel all the way to DC?” Matthew jokes, although he’s only half joking.

You groan quietly and Marcus smirks as he looks at you expectantly. "Told you." He laughs. "You said your parents would be first, but I knew it was going to be mine."

“I’m still shocked my Dad didn’t bring it up at dinner last night,” you admit. You had been absolutely certain that your folks would use Friday night dinner as a chance to interview you about your intentions as a couple.

"I'm sure he wanted to." He laughs. "But we've classified that as Need To Know." He jokes.

“That may be the only way to survive with them.” Still, you can’t help but let the smile grow on your face. “By their standards, we’re taking positively forever.”

"I guess that means we should just run off to Vegas and get married." Marcus teases with a wink. "Really mess with their expectations."

“We would have four parents very upset with us,” you remind him. Every time you joke about getting married or have a little daydream it just sounds better and better, but you would never push him to elope. His family means to much to him, just like yours does to you.

"Yes they would." Donna points her fork at him playfully. "I don't care how you get married, I just want to be there."

“Yes ma’am.” That gets an instant agreement from you — not at all ready to set the precedence of going against your future mother-in-law about something like this.

"Good." She smiles in approval and smirks at her husband. "We will clear our schedules whenever they decide on a date."

"Well," you laugh, leaning into Marcus's side. "I guess you were right about not needing to worry over their approval."

“The fact that I love you is all my parents ever need to know.” He smiles and Matthew nods. “Marcus has a good head on his shoulders and a heart of gold. With you being his soulmate, you have to be the same.”

For dinner on your second night in Texas, Marcus promises to take care of everything and disappears with a grin on his face while his mother and Selena take you on a long walk around the large gardens of the compound. Anticipating a little girl talk and some bonding with his family, you had readily agreed.

“So how are you liking Texas, Birdie?” Donna asks curiously as the three of you stroll in the warm morning. You have been a dream to have visit and it’s obvious that you adore Marcus, so she has loved you being here. She just wants to make sure the feeling is mutual.

“It’s beautiful.” It’s not too hot yet, being the beginning of April, and walking around the compound is a nice way to settle in and work off the big breakfast everyone had this morning. “I’ve only been here once before and this is far less stressful.”

“I am sure the campaign trail was never relaxing.” She sympathizes softly. “Although, if you have to take up the trail again, we can offer you a respite from the questions and prying wherever we can.” With being her baby’s soulmate, she will be just as protective over you.

“I’m sure when re-election comes, I’ll be volunteering to come to Texas again just to be able to see my in-laws.” The thought is actually relaxing, to be able to take respite with such kind people, but the in-laws part excites you a bit.

“In-laws.” She beams when you say that. “Now I promise I won’t insist that you call me ‘mother’ or anything, but I hope that we can be friends.”

“Let’s start with Donna and Birdie and go from there,” you suggest, smiling just as broadly as she is. “I absolutely want us to be friends. Marcus loves you all so much and I know it means the world to him.”

“He is our only child, and we want him to be happy.” She promises. “But that doesn’t mean smothering him or not letting him live his life.” She laughs. “Matthew almost had a heart attack when he came home one break to find Marcus with shoulder length hair and an earring. But he never said a word.”

“Oh, please tell me you have pictures of that.” Marcus had told you about his long hair phase, but claimed no photos remained. You’ve been hoping that his parents have one tucked away somewhere.

Donna grins. “I have them all.” She promises. “Snuck them up to the attic before he could burn them.”

“He looks like the nerdiest member of Nirvana,” Selena snorts, giggling with the jovial malice only family can truly master.

“He was…too polite to really pull off the grunge look.” Donna admits, smiling at Selena’s almost evil outlook.

“He’s such a sweetheart.” There are hearts in your eyes when you say it and you don’t care to hide them one bit. “It’s—he’s better than I could have dreamed of for myself. Truly.”

“I have to confess….” Donna looks out over the gardens and sighs. “I have been so very worried about Marcus. He’s is such a loving man. He always has been, from the time he was a baby. But when he called me to say he had discovered his soulmate…” she looks back at you. “I was so very afraid that you wouldn’t understand his heart.”

“How do you mean?” She obvious cares for her son very deeply, and you do want to make sure that the relationship you have with her is honest. No misunderstandings if you can help it — which means asking for clarification. “Because he’s so giving and quick to jump in headfirst?”

“Yes….and no.” She admits. “Marcus is….well, he’s a caretaker. A fixer. You have a problem, he comes up with a solution. You feel tired and down, he will take some of your burden and try to cheer you up.” She sighs softly. “Oftentimes, so many women have been conditioned to be strong, independent, so they view that as misogyny or finding them helpless. It’s insulting to them and they resent him for it.”

“They don’t understand that offering care is his way of being supportive. It’s not that he doesn’t think they can do it themselves, it’s that he views being helpful as a romantic gesture as much as anything else.” You nod, understanding that entirely. “I think the hardest part for Marcus and me right now is that we’re both like that a lot of the time. Which means we’re constantly doing little fixes or giving little gifts or making little gestures. We’re still finding the balance.”

“That makes me feel better.” She admits with a smile. “You understand his need in doing it.”

“He wants me to know I don’t have to do it alone,” you acknowledge, offering her a smile as you walk. “And I want to make sure he knows the same.”

“You two truly are soulmates.” She chuckles. “And I have never been more happy to say those words.”

“Just as happy as I am to hear them, I promise you.” Stopping in your steady tracks, you touch her arm gently and offer her a slightly more serious look. “A lot of people interpreted the things I said on the campaign trail to mean that I’m against soulmates, but I’m absolutely not. I just don’t think anyone should be discriminated against for who they love. Anyone, and unfortunately a lot of people still believe only soulmates should be able to get married.”

“Those people…in my most professional opinion…” Donna snorts. “Are assholes.”

“Agreed.” You nod your head but Selena snorts at her aunts phrasing as the three of you start walking again.

“Do you have any specific plans while you are here?” Donna asks, curious if you had wanted to spend the entire time at the compound.

“I want to see whatever Marcus wants to show me.” It seems like an easy answer, but honestly you’re just here to meet his family and spent time with your soulmate. Anything more is a bonus. “Or anything you guys have in mind. I just…” you shrug in admission. “I never take vacations. So I’m reminding myself not to worry about work and trying to relax.”

“A workaholic.” She smirks slightly. “Something I’m very well-versed in.” She teases.

"Can't exactly stop yourself from taking work home with you when you live at work," you admit with a grin.

“As long as it’s work you love, I don’t see a problem with it.” Donna tells you.

"I really do." They already know that, of course, from how much and how proudly you talk about the inn. But still, you're beaming. "Marcus suggested we look at building our house on the property since I already own it, and I think it's only going to be a little while before we start in on that plan."

Building something together is something that Donna highly approves of. She nods. “Word of advice?” She offers with a smirk. “Have a general contractor negotiate any and all disagreements.”

"Noted," you agree instantly, knowing that Marcus's parents have a whole lifetime of experience in this particular area.

“It will solve a lot of arguments.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Over tile size!”

When Selena snorts out a laugh you have to suppose it's a family joke or at least and a family story, and you laugh too. "It's always something small, isn't it?"

“Yep.” She shakes her head and laughs. “One fight was about if the dishwasher should be on the left or right side of the sink.” She huffs. “Matthew rarely loaded the dishwasher, but thought that it continuously unfair to live in a right handed world as a leftie.” She rolls her eyes again, although it’s more amusement than annoyance.

Small things always seem large when they're under the microscope, and you can see how those things could get out of hand. But fortunately, from what you and Marcus have talked about so far, you're mostly on the same page right from the start. "I can see us tussling over little things pretty easily, but I think it will all turn out pretty well in the end. It's definitely a solid way to work through our skills in compromise and communication, though."

“Marcus knows how to communicate.” She promises. “He’s good at it, and if he’s not, I’ll give you free sessions.” She jokes, knowing the last thing any couple would want is to have an in-law involved.

"You'll be glad to hear that I have an excellent therapist to help me handle stressors and any manner of other unexpected event in my life that I need extra help in processing." The importance of simply having an impartial third party is not lost on you, but having a professionally trained and educated one is all the more important when possible stressors could include death threats sent to your family members.

“Very glad.” She nods and reaches out to pat your hand gently. “You are under a lot of pressure. That is obvious.”

"When we get back I have a meeting at the White House." Though you shudder for dramatic emphasis, it is unnerving. Those meetings about social outreach and the image of the First Family had gone well for Junie and Alex but since you're fairly certain what your mother will ask of you, you're dreading it.

“If you ever want to talk, just to vent, you can call me.” Donna offers softly. “Not in a professional capacity, although anything you say would be kept between us.”

"I really appreciate that." It's not something she has to offer. Not at all. But you're so grateful that your soulmate's parents have so far turned out to be wonderful people.

“Of course.” You might not take her up on the offer, but she wanted to extend it.

"And I hope you know you're always welcome in DC. Anytime, no hesitations." You swing back to grin at Selena on your other side. "You too. We could use another partner in crime."

“I am absolutely going to come visit.” Donna promised, and Selena nods eagerly. “Me too! I want to see this inn.”

"If you want to come and stay there, I'll have a word with the owner," you joke, and throw in a wink.

“And the food.” Donna insists. “Marcus has raved about your best friend, Sydney.”

"She's an absolute goddess." You promise them both. Building up your friends and loved ones is always easy for you. "Just the most talented chef you could possibly imagine. And an amazing person, to boot."

“She has to be.” Selena isn’t joking this time. “Marcus doesn’t waste time on people who aren’t amazing.” Now she gives a small, preening grin. “Which is why he loves me so much.” She jokes.

“I know what it is.” After about one full day of hanging out with Selena, you’ve narrowed down why it is that you are so comfortable with her, and it makes you laugh endlessly. “You’re exactly halfway between my best friend and my brother. Who are two of my top three favourite people in the world, despite the crap I give my little brother on a daily basis.”

“That sounds like a high compliment if I’ve ever heard one.” She laughs. “I’m the little sister Marcus never wished he had.”

“He loves all of you like siblings.” Even if he hadn’t said so explicitly, it’s easy to tell.

“We grew up together.” She agrees. “Even if we lived apart, summers together were important. Holidays spent driving each other and our parents crazy.” There’s a fond smile on her face. “Hopefully our kids will experience the same things.”

“I hope so, too.” The idea head settled into your bones and made you sunny with daydreams. “My siblings’ kids, too. The biggest family we can possibly make for them, since we never had any cousins growing up.”

“Pikes tend to assimilate the families that join them.” Donna shoots you a grin. “They are like the Borg.”

“That’s how we collected friends when I was a kid,” you laugh. The Pikes are definitely not like the Borg — they all feel far too much for that and you adore it. “Make friends with one of the three of us and suddenly you were just another family member.”

“That sounds familiar.” Selena snorts. “We love having people around. The more the merrier.”

“Absolutely.” The morning sun has hit the top of the sky but it’s not too hot, just making you stop warding off the crisp breeze as it disappears into a mellow midday.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” Selena hesitates. “There was some talk about you dating a Congressman?”

There it is. You were wondering how long it would take someone to ask the very fair question. At least it’s Selena and not Cousin Terry’s wife Hannah who seems to distrust you purely for being the daughter of a politician. Which…is also fair…just not a stereotype that applies to you personally. “I was. For almost a year. I was still seeing him when Marcus and I met, but…” you shrug your shoulders a little, with honesty in the sheepishness. “I fell in love with Marcus so fast, and so deeply. Even if he hadn’t turned out to be my soulmate, I still would have ended things with my ex.”

“I didn’t want to pry, I just hadn’t seen anything about a break up and wanted to know if you were ‘public’ yet.” Selena reassures you. “There’s already been a message in the family chat about not posting while we are here on social media. So we don’t potentially ‘out’ your relationship.”

“It will be out by Easter.” Breathing a sigh of relief isn’t subtle, so you swallow it down and simply tighten your smile into an affirmative. “He’s coming to the Easter Egg Roll at the White House with me. After that, just…try to be conscious of people asking about family photos? If you’ve got ones with Marcus and me in them, we’ll just ask everyone to keep them private. You know, friends only.”

“We are used to that.” She nods and sends you a smile. “We’ve got your back. Don’t worry. No one here is going to judge you. Besides Hannah.” She snorts. “And let’s be honest, she’s a bitch.” Donna chokes out a laugh, quickly smothered, and swats at Selena’s butt from behind you. “Selena!” She scolds, obviously still trying not to laugh.

“Oh.” This time the relief whooshes out of you, but you end up laughing. “So it’s not just me?”

“Hannah is…the least comfortable with the easy, familial closeness of our family.” Donna snorts. “When she first started coming, there was an…accusation.” She hums delicately.

“What could poss—” As soon as your mind spins on it for long enough to actually ask the question, your mouth falls open in horror. “Oh my god! That’s—obviously, obviously I don’t think that. Please know that I have never ever thought that.”

“You don’t think I’m sleeping with Terry?” Selena snorts. “Thank God!”

“No, I definitely do not think you’re sleeping with your first cousin,” you laugh but still shudder.

“Apparently, Hannah doesn’t believe men and women can be friends. Not even relatives.” Selena shrugs. “So if it seems like all the female cousins keep their distance from Terry, it’s not because he’s a pervert. He’s actually amazing. His soulmate is just fucking nuts.”

“Got it.” Even though you flash a thumbs up in acknowledgment, all you can think of is how glad you are that Marcus didn’t stay with Vanessa. She would have hated this for the exact same reason. Probably been Hannah’s only ally.

“Hannah isn’t all bad.” Donna adds, trying to soften it some. “Just….a little…set in her ways. But honestly, this is the only time of year they come. They rarely join other holidays.” She looks over at you. “And pleased don’t think that we expect you to come for every holiday, but we will invite you.”

“We’ll come as often as we can.” You can promise that easily, though you know sometimes he’ll have to work and you’ll have to be at official events with your family. “It…will be easier once my mother is out of office.”

“I understand.” Donna is well aware of the demands of public figures. She had to be seen at a certain number of games and it was her own personal mission to attend the post seasons games any time Matthews’s teams made it. “Just know that we want what is best for you.”

“And that is so much more appreciated than you could know.” Maybe she does. Maybe she understands every bit of it. But because you appreciate the honesty of the words from your soulmate’s mother so much more than you expected to, you leave the phrasing as it is. No stumbling or correcting.

Donna winks at you and links her arm through yours. “You and I are going to be good friends.” She predicts with a happy smile. Marcus is over the moon in love with you and from what she could see, you are much the same. There is nothing more than Donna could ever wish for her baby, to find a smart, loving, good person – and you fit that bill perfectly.

Most of the day is spent in the massive pool down by the bunkhouse, with a little day drinking and a whole lot of horsing around and even a little heckling when some of the cousins got into a competition over best diving form — which quickly degraded into silliest dive. Now it’s sunset, and you’ve thrown a shirt and shorts over your dried out swimsuit for Marcus’s surprise.

“Hey babe.” Marcus finds you again, smiling at the relaxed smile on your face and he hands you a new drink. “You look like you’ve had a good time.”

"Well howdy stranger!" A slight affectation in your voice is just to make him laugh, and you grin when it succeeds. "Where have you been all day? Did you have fun with your Dad?" Matthew Pike had disappeared after breakfast along with his son, and when you had remarked on it to Donna during your walk, she had just said not to worry.

“Of course.” He grins, unable to stop himself as he moves over to caress your neck. “I was taking care of a few things for tonight. Why? Did you miss me?”

"Every second." And you don't care who knows it either. You sit up in your chair and stretch a little more to kiss him, catching the fresh scent of the bodywash he favors as it mixes with his bergamot and musk cologne. He's fresh and clean and it makes you wonder what he's been up to as much as it makes you want to drag him up to his bedroom.

“Good.” He smirks against your lips and offers you his hand as he steps out of your sphere. “Come on.”

"Ooo, is it surprise time?" The look of delight on your face is undisguised as you readily take his hand to pop up from your seat. "I'm all yours."

“Yes you are.” He beams about that fact as he pulls you closer. “Say goodnight to everyone, Birdie.” He hums quietly. “We probably won’t see them again tonight.”

"Good night everybody!" You wave immediately, wrapping your arm around Marcus's waist and barely sparing a backward glance in favor of grinning up at him.

“Damn.” He whistles as he guides you away from the pool and over to the truck. He’s already talked to agent Bailey and cleared things with her, so he just nods as the two of you pass by.

“Damn what?” You pose, laughing a little as you wonder if he’s amused at how quickly you’re ready to leave just about anyone behind to spend time with him.

“I could be a kidnapper and you would just go willingly.” He teases, reaching out and tugging on your ear gently.

“You’d be the best looking kidnapper around and Agent Bailey would have a hell of a time bringing me home,” you tease, hopping into the pickup when he opens the passenger door for you.

“Yep, you have Stockholm Syndrome.” He teases, leaning in to steal one more kiss before he closes the door and hurries around the hood.

Once he’s back in the cab beside you, you flash him a grin. “Belle got a library, I got the softest dom in the whole world and awesome in-laws. I’m okay with it.”

“Softest dom?” He snorts, tilting his head while he tries, and fails to look offended. “I’m a hard dom.” He protests.

"How hard you fuck me when we get going is not what I mean," you clarify, settling into the corner of the seat as he starts to drive the two of you across the compound. "You have the softest heart in the world and I feel very lucky to be the one you've decided to give it to."

“I know.” He promises. “I was teasing. I want you to be happy, healthy and loved. That’s all I want.”

"I am. All three, absolutely." Leaning against his shoulder on the drive, you hum slightly and end up sounding a little sheepish as you look out the window. "I missed you today. Even though we weren't apart too long."

He chuckles slightly and lifts your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles and scrapes his teeth over the delicate skin. “I’ll show you how hard of a dom I am.” He teases. “I’ll put a collar on you.”

Not expected that reaction from him, you make a remarkably incoherent noise of interest and surprise before turning your head to look at him. "Don't tempt me with a good time, Pike."

He had been joking, but the way you react has him pausing. “Is that something you’re interested in?” He keeps the question casual, not wanting to seem like he’s pushing or judging, he’s doing neither.

"I always thought it sounded kind of sexy," you admit, wondering if he was just joking and not serious at all. "I mean it's not like...like something mandatory for me to be happy in a relationship, obviously. If--if you're not into that and at all and you were just joking—"

“Baby.” Marcus squeezes your hand. “Anything you are interested in is something we can talk about. If it’s an absolute no, then I’ll explain why. But I think it sounds kind of sexy too. Collars don’t have to be spiked dog collars where I pull you around on a leash and make you bark.” He snorts.

"A lot of day collars just look like cute little necklaces." Alright, you may or may not have done a little looking into it a few years ago with the guy you were seeing at the time. He was long gone now, but the idea had remained in your head. It was not something Sam would have gone for so it had never been brought up to him.

His brow ticks up, noting your interests and he hums. “They do.” He agrees. “Something sexy about being claimed, isn’t there?”

"Absolutely." He turns left at a pair of apple trees on the western part of the compound and keeps going, while you continue to snuggle next to him like a contented house cat. "I mean...I'm wearing a Pike family nametag. That's about as claimed as it gets."

“Not quite.” Marcus chuckles. “There’s definitely more claiming that can be done.”

"Is that a promise?" You tease, grin growing a little wider when he turns toward a tree line up ahead.

“Absolutely.” He follows the less worn paths through the trees, although it’s obvious from the tire marks through the grass road that someone has been there recently.

"So can I have a hint about where we're going?" This isn't a part of the property that you've been to yet and it's beautifully woodsy in a distinctly Southwestern way that you're finding fantastic.

“You’ll see.” The tree line gives way to clearing and Marcus smiles as the pond comes into view. “Right now.”

The little clearing in the trees is picture perfect. It looks more like a movie set than real life, the tree-lined pond ringed with fairy lights sitting side-by-side with a red and white checked gingham blanket and large picnic basket, and a small cooler to boot. "Baby," you sigh out the endearment excitedly. He knows you love surprises -- your family told him so -- but you weren't expecting anything. That, of course, it was makes surprises so wonderful.

“Now you know what I’ve been doing all day.” He tells you as the truck pulls to a stop close to the picnic sight. “Wanted to make this perfect.”

"It's gorgeous!" You breathe, practically squeaking with excitement as you turn to snuggle into his side as soon as he parks the truck. "Is this your old make out spot? Because if it is? It's an awesome choice."

“Maybe a few times?” Marcus shrugs his shoulders and gives you a boyish grin. “Not too many times.”

"Could make it one more." The exaggerated wink you aim at him makes both of you laugh. "If you wanted to, I mean."

“That was my evil plan.” Marcus admits without any remorse. “Bring you out here, woo you, make out with you.”

"Pretty good plan." Right about now he could undo your seatbelt and haul you into his lap in the truck and you wouldn't protest even for a second. "It's absolutely gorgeous, baby."

“Wanted to give you a special night.” He’s explains, unlatching his seatbelt so he can open the door and walk around to help you out.

“Every night with you is special.” As soon as you’re out of the truck you press in to kiss him, enjoying the lingering warmth of the early evening.

“So you’d rather go have dinner with everyone else than have a romantic picnic by the pond?” Marcus asks, reaching for the door handle. “We can go back…”

“Ohhhhh no.” You shake your head immediately. “We’re staying right here. In our perfect little oasis.”

“I thought you would say that.” Marcus chuckles as he takes your hand to guide you over to the blanket. “I brought wine, but we don’t have to drink anything stronger than lemonade.”

“Wine sounds nice.” You’ve been moderate in your drinking today, having two cups of water for every alcoholic beverage and making sure to eat, so you’re not worried about being too inebriated. “And very romantic, but I don’t ever doubt that from you.”

“Well. I know that it might not be the fanciest, but I wanted to make an effort.” He grins at your praise and both of you sit down on the checkered spread.

“You’re perfect level of fancy for me.” Once you sit down here starts to unpack things, and you fidget slightly on the blanket. “But…Speaking of…of that? I wondered if I could talk to you about an idea that I had.” The actual thought has been rolling around in your head for a while for uncomfortable reasons, but now that it’s Marcus it’s actually a nice thing you don’t mind dreaming about a little.

“Speaking of fancy….” He chuckles. “Alright. I’ll pour out the wine. You pitch me your idea and we will strategize.” He jokes as he opens the top to the wicker basket and produces two, picnic friendly wine glasses and sets them down to retrieve the wine from the cooler.

“Unless you had something else you wanted to talk about?” Maybe that’s what this beautiful picnic is and you’ve usurped the purpose of the night by jumping the gun, you can’t be sure.

“I’m wanting to talk about whatever you want, my love.” He promises as he uses the corkscrew to open the bottle.

“Very accommodating of you.” But that’s Marcus and you know it. Instead you focus on opening up the containers he’s packed away that are holding your dinner. “Do you remember I told you that my mother wants the three of us kids to all do…sort of…family publicity type stuff? Like Junie getting a dog and being willing to be public about it?”

“Yes.” He nods and pours out the wine into each glass. “You didn’t sound terribly enthusiastic about it, although you tried to put on a good front.”

“I’m not terribly enthusiastic about it.” You can admit that, especially to him. “Which is why I’m not sure if this idea is selfish or not.”

“Honey….” Marcus hands you the wine and takes the container with the cheese from you to open. “You are not a politician, you don’t seek the spotlight. Sharing yourself with the public in a way you need isn’t selfish.” He’s pretty much guessed that it has to be some idea about your relationship, and he’s okay with that.

“It’s selfish because it’s something I’m asking you to do with me.” The wine glass is cold in your hand, a soothing and grounding change from the warm day. Although now that the sun’s down it will be cool sooner rather than later. “Because I’m more comfortable and more confident with you beside me in that spotlight.”

“Whatever you need.” Marcus promises. “Undercover work was never exactly fun for me, and I’m out as a UA now that the picture of us dancing was posted in the papers.”

“I feel like I ought to apologize.” The wine he chose is fruity and dry, much more complex than you would but for yourself despite his claim that it’s not fancy.

“No, sweetheart, please don’t.” Marcus shakes his head. “I was aware pictures would be taken. It was my own choice. And I don’t regret it for a second.”

“I didn’t know art crimes required undercover work. Though I suppose it makes perfect sense now that I think about it.” And you’re definitely stalling, but you push it further by assembling a charcuterie bite from the containers around you.

“It’s rare, but I only took the last assignment where I went undercover was because I needed to get away after things ended with Teresa.” He explains.

"Well, you'll have nothing like that reason ever again." The idea of Marcus with a broken heart is too much to stomach, and the coping mechanism of assembling the perfect charcuterie bite for him now pushing the thought out of your mind.

“I know.” It’s freeing to know that you two are very much in the same pages. Despite the fact that being soulmates does guarantee happiness, you and him will do everything to make sure that your story is a good one.

"So...the thing I wanted to talk to you about..." Enough stalling. Time to be an adult. "Is not because I want to push you, or rush you, or anything like that. But...because I keep thinking about it and thinking that getting ahead of the curve is the only way to really control it, and controlling it will be so much less stressful and make half as much work in the long run."

You’re cute when you’re flustered, Marcus leans back on the blanket, completely relaxed as he takes a sip of his wine. “So are we talking televised wedding? Or just pictures?” He asks.

"We are not broadcasting the wedding." That's the point at which you draw the line, you already know that. It's too much. Too invasive even for a family in the public eye. "I was thinking more like...letting photos be released along the way. Like sharing engagement photos, or photos of dresses that I don't pick. Things like that?"

“I’m perfectly fine with that.” It’s an easy agreement, one that has him lifting a brow. “That was all?”

"Even if that includes sharing photos of your bachelor party or sitting down with a reporter yourself?" The fact that he's willing to agree to it so easily is utterly shocking to you, and you feel like you have to do your due diligence and double check. "Or even share part of the proposal?"

“Whatever you feel comfortable with.” Marcus agrees. “It’s like the family days at the parks or when mom and dad would have interviews.”

Sometimes you really do forget that he already has a frame of reference for all of this. That he understands being a family in the spotlight. You take a sip of your wine and build him another bite from the charcuterie containers, offering it to him with a grateful smile. "I love you. Completely. I really hope you know how grateful I am for you."

“Why don’t we plan to have photos released from our engagement, you and I can sit down with a reporter about the expectations of soulmates and politics. There can be a website for all this with links to charities or causes that you want to champion or bring to light?”

"I don't understand how you get even more perfect." When he takes the cracker from your hand you run a finger under his jaw and end up feeling heat in your cheeks all over again. "When we get back I'll talk to Mom and whoever from her team is supposed to be coordinating my media stuff. And..." That same hand of yours squeezes his knee gently. "This is not me trying to rush you into anything. I'm sure we'll get enthusiastic and rush all on our own."

“Us?” He feigns surprise and smirks slightly. “Maybe we will, maybe we will surprise ourselves.” He turns and kisses the palm of your hand. “But I doubt it.”

"I doubt it, too." It's a kiss from his lips that you want most, and lean forward to steal it without shame. "But I love that we're on the same page so easily."

“So after that birthday….um, debacle…” he makes a face. “Are you totally opposed to the idea of a surprise proposal or what?”

"As long as it's you proposing, a surprise is fine." Debacle is the right word, and you roll your eyes slightly. "I actually do love surprises. Mom told you that."

“You might have changed your mind.” The sun is setting and right on cue, the fairy lights that he had spent the majority of the day stringing around the pond come on.

The way you coo at the change in lighting is full of delight, and you lean into his side on the blanket with nothing short of delight on your face. "See this is why I love surprises. For things like this."

“I was hoping you would like it.” Marcus grins as you stare in loving awe of the lights as they play off the water and the sunset.

"You know...the back of the property at the inn has a little pond like this." You lean back against him and enjoy the view around you. "There's nothing around it really, so I haven't thought about putting a garden there or anything. But...it could be in the backyard of our house if we wanted it to."

“I think we could do that.” Marcus smirks and reaches out to touch the rim of his glass against yours. “Our own little escape.”

"And it's far enough back from the inn to soothe your very sweet concern over historically matching buildings." Which you love, but you don't want him to get so hung up on it that he ends up sacrificing another aspect of the house he might truly love.

“You have something else in mind?” He asks, wondering if you want something different for how you raise your children and where you live.

"I don't really know a hell of a lot about architectural styles," you admit. "I just don't want us to miss out on our dream house because we got stuck on making the buildings match. We can set our house back enough that it will have its own space."

“Any house that has you and our family in it is my dream house.” He promises, smiling at you happily.

"I love you, too." In a way that makes you feel like your heart is going to swell right out of your chest, but in the absolute best possible way.

“I know you do.” Marcus murmurs softly, wondering how he got so lucky with you. “I am a lucky man.”

Leaning back lets you kiss him, just a soft thing but tender and full of desire and promise before you pull back and smile at him softly. "I guess we're both lucky, then."

“Oh!” Marcus pulls out his phone, forgetting that he had programmed it and opens it up to the music app to start playing music. “Forgot that part.” He huffs. “Too eager to pour wine.”

You know even on the first song that it's a playlist of love songs. There is nothing more supremely on point for Marcus than a night like this, with all of the magic that he's infused into this beautiful little dinner. "I don't know how, but you keep making it better every second."

“That’s high praise.” He hums, putting together a bite for you and holding it out for you to eat. “I’ve enjoyed having you to spoil.”

“And you’re about the only person in the world I’ll ever let do it.” The admission comes with a laugh, and you place another soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for suggesting this trip, love.”

“I’m glad you got to come.” He admits with a smile as you take the offered bite and groan at the taste. “I know it was hard to take off last minute and I appreciate it. Next time we will have it planned better.”

“It’s less that it’s hard and more that I get very determined about being hands on,” you admit. “Malachi can run that place in his sleep during the day, and my managers are great. I just…always worry.”

“It’s your baby.” Marcus acknowledges easily. “It’s like a case for me. My team is incredibly proficient at their jobs, but if there is a stake out or some kind of op to be run, I like being there.”

“I’m grateful you understand.” Others hadn’t, and so the fact that Marcus is supportive of your need for work as well as your need for a family is very much appreciated. “And Sydney was joking about sending care packages to your stake outs if you wanted them, so I think your team is about to be very happy, too.”

“If she did, she would become an unofficial member of the team.” Marcus snorts. “They wouldn’t be happy with pizza anymore.”

“I’d have even more FBI agents on my doorstep,” you giggle at the image. “There’s already three of you, we’ll need to designate a dining room or something.”

“The Fed Room.” Marcus snorts, grinning at the idea. “It would never be empty.”

“Syd may have thrown a tiny bit of a fit when I told her I don’t want her to cater any of our wedding stuff,” you admit, cringing slightly as Marcus starts to open another round of containers from the picnic basket. “But she’s my best friend and will be my maid of honor. I want her there by my side, not stuck in the kitchen.”

“How about she can cater the engagement party?” Marcus suggests. “That way she’s involved but it’s not taking over her enjoying your wedding day.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about an engagement party.” The compromise makes you turn up your chin to look at him with wide, starry eyes. “It’s perfect. Just like you, love.”

“We have to have a party.” Marcus teases, kissing your nose. “The press can have the story of my proposal and the engagement party. That’s also a good way to keep our actual engagement to ourselves.”

“I’m so fucking glad you’re with me on this.” The honest laugh is stifled but full of relief as you lounge with him in the blanket. “I would never think of any of this and I’d just end up stressed out or going along with whatever anybody else planned to avoid having to think about it.”

“I will fix anything you ever ask me to.” Marcus promises. “But if you ever don’t like something, you never have to worry about me being upset by that.”

“And the same goes for you,” you promise him, with the same measure of seriousness in your eyes and honesty in your voice. “I hope you know that.”

“I know.” He picks up a grape to pop into his mouth. “You and I are very communicative.”

“I feel like I should apologize.” Your voice lowers slightly, the unsureness seeping through it.

“Why?” Marcus frowns slightly, not liking that comment at all. You have nothing to apologize for. He loves that the two of you are talking and planning your lives together.

“Past relationships…have not been as okay with my tendency to talk everything out at length.” It’s not something that you really ever planned on bringing up, since Marcus likes to dream and plan and plot like you do. But maybe it’s good that he knows, since it has slipped out without you meaning to. “I always felt like I was bothering them with it. And ended up apologizing a lot.”

He frowns even more, reaching out after he sets down to his wine glass and pulls you close. “Sweetheart, I want to talk things out. Even if it’s as mundane as brunch locations or if the entryway table should be moved.” He promises. “Please never feel like you should apologize. I want to hear everything you have to say.”

“You might regret saying that when I get going about the logistics of booking rooms for large parties.” It’s a decent attempt at a joke, even if it’s wry, and you lean into Marcus’s comforting warmth with a sigh. “I’m still getting used to the idea that you are as straight forward and wholeheartedly enthusiastic about this entire relationship as I am. It seems surreal but it’s too wonderful to be a dream, so I’m just doing my best to process the whole thing.”

“You process however you need to.” He kisses your forehead. “I’ll be right here to reassure you again. You’re my partner, my lover, and my friend.” He murmurs. “The most important person in the universe to me.”

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo @madnessofadaydreamer

HHL: @haileymorelikestupid @anoverwhelmingdin @storiesofthefandomlovers @missladym1981 @babeincolor @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

My Masterlist!

#Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal character fanfiction #Pedro Pascal fanfic #Marcus Pike #Marcus Pike x you #Marcus Pike x reader #Marcus Pike x female reader #Marcus Pike x f!reader #The Mentalist #soulmate au #First Daughter reader #Juan Badillo #Graceland #Juan Badillo x f!OC #Juan Badillo x OC #love triangle

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forever-rogue · 1 year

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I was scrolling through your blog and saw that you’re thinking about tasm!peter and I’m 🥺 I love it when you write for him, so if you’re accepting requests maybe a first kiss fic with Peter where he’s just super soft and you’re both nervous? 💕it’s okay if you don’t write this though💕 have a lovely night!

AN | You didn’t ask for best friends to lovers…but we have some best friends to lovers with a first kiss! Enjoy❤️

Pairing | tasm!Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Slight Language, Mentions of Injuries

Word Count | 2.6k

Masterlist | Main | Peter

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were almost positive that you could feel his eyes on you, but every time you looked up, his eyes were focused on the textbook in front of him. How very odd. You must have been imagining things, or rather you were wishing for him to look at you. Your face flushed with warmth as you worried your bottom lip between your teeth and stared back at your laptop.

Was it hot in the room? It felt like it was sweltering suddenly and you slowly felt like you couldn’t breathe. You looked to the window across your bedroom and found that it was already wide open and bringing in the cool evening autumn air. Your heart rate had slowly picked up, getting stronger and stronger with each passing moment, each passing glance at Peter.

Almost as if Peter knew that something was up, he put his highlighter down and angled his body towards. Your breath hitched at the expression in his pretty eyes, his smile soft and dopey. If you leaned forward you could press your lips against his and kiss him.

Wait. This was Peter. This was Peter Parker, also known as your best friend. You absolutely should not have been having thoughts like this about him. But…here they were, front and center once again. Those very same thoughts had become more and more common over the last few months - the last year - and you couldn’t quite place why. This was the same boy you’d known since you were kids. You were already kids anymore, both PhD students and actual adults.

But the effect he was currently having on you was making you feel more like a shy teenage girl with a big fat crush than a grown woman. You saw his lips moving but couldn’t quite make out what he was saying.

“Is everything alright?” you finally heard him and snapped back into reality as he waved his hand in front of your face, “where’d you go, bub?”

“N-nowhere,” you almost choked on the word, your mouth running dry at how he was looking at you. He’d always looked at you a certain way that made you feel like you were the only person in the person, but it’s almost like there was something different in it today, “just zoned out is all.”

“Everything alright?” he reached out and gently touched your face, brushing his thumb along your cheek. A shiver ran down your spine at the touch, unexpected but not unpleasant and you couldn’t help but preen into his touch, “you seem…distracted.”

“No,” you lied, shaking your head lightly, “just really..tired. Long day.”

“Hmm,” he muses and clicks his tongue but doesn’t press you. He’s like that, you learned a long time ago; he never presses you when he knows you’re telling a little white lie or not giving him the full truth. He knows that you’d tell him the full story through your own violation when you were ready, “let’s stop for the night. I think it’s pizza time.”

“Yeah?” your eyes lit up with excitement as he nodded. You loved any moment you spent with him, but you loved your lazy evenings with him especially. Peter was the type of person you could do anything with and it would be fun; you could go grocery shopping and it would be thrilling so long as he was there, “sounds perfect, Pete.”

“C’mon,” he slid off your bed and padded towards the living room, holding his hand out for you to follow. You both knew that you’d always take his hand, you’d always follow him, you’d follow him anywhere. You wasted no time in joining him.

But today there was something different, something different in how tenderly he took your hand in his. You wondered if he felt it too.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It had been two days since you’d last seen or heard from Peter. Two whole days. Forty-eight long hours. It wasn’t like him to go ghost without saying anything…the two of you told each other everything. But all you had of him right now was a lot of unanswered texts, countless voicemails, and even emails without response. You were worried sick. You knew something was wrong. Something was off.

That’s why you went over to his apartment, deciding that enough was enough and you were going to figure out what was going on. You didn’t even bother knocking as you let yourself into the apartment with the key you’d possessed since the day he’d gotten the place.

“Peter?” you called out into the darkness, frowning when it appeared that no was home. Where on earth could he be? He’d never done this before in the almost two decades you’d known him, “Petey?”

You flicked on the lights, finding everything in the same place as when you had left his place three nights ago. You sighed slightly as you walked down the hall towards his bedroom, nervous as to what you would find.

“Peter?” you called softly, noticing that his bedroom door was slightly ajar. You pushed it open after rapping your knuckles against it and slowly walked into the room. To your relief, you found his bedside lamp on…and him lying across his bed, silent but with a pained look on his face, “Peter!”

You were at his side in an instant, crouching down next to his head so you could take a better look. Once he heard you, the tiniest of smiles tugged up the corner of his mouth as he turned his face towards you. Even in the faint yellow light from the old lamp you could see the cuts across his cheek, the bruising under his eye, and the split in his swollen lip. Your heart almost jumped into your throat as you gingerly brushed his hair out of his face, “hi.”

His voice was dry and cracked even on the single syllable. Your mind was reeling, unable to focus on what to worry about first. The best thing, you supposed, was the fact that he was alive and breathing. You were so focused on his face that you still didn’t notice one large, very glaring detail. Peter, despite the pain in his body and the ache in his heart at seeing you upset, was waiting for you to realize. He wasn’t sure how you’d take it - how you’d view him from now on.

“Peter,” you whispered his name, and despite the shake and worry in your voice, his name never sounded better than when you said. It was like the sweetest, golden honey. He closed his eyes for a moment before reaching up to touch your face. He trailed his fingers along your jaw and down your neck. You’d been expecting the feel of his gentle skin on yours, but instead you felt something different, “what…”

Reaching up to wrap your fingers around his wrist, you pulled his arm away and studied it. It wasn’t his skin you were feeling, not even a sweater or shirt…but some sort of spandex material. Following the material up his arm, all you could see was red and blue.

“Bub-”

“Peter,” you’d back away in surprise, shocked by the sight that was in front of you. Your mouth opened and closed a few times as you shook your head, “w-what is this? What’s going on?”

“I can explain,” he slowly sat up, quietly groaning as pain coursed through his body. Normally he healed at impressive, superhuman rates, but these latest injuries were taking longer than normal. Your eyes were stinging with tears that were threatening to well up and run down your cheeks, “I swear…I can…explain.”

“You’re Spider-Man,” it wasn’t a question, it wasn’t even up for debate. It was a statement of fact, pure and simple. His eyes caught yours but he found himself speechless, “or you’re stealing his clothes - suit. But I highly doubt it.”

He swallowed the thick lump in his throat before nodding slowly. He moved to stand up to walk over to you, but winced in pain and remained seated. Despite the shock and surprise of the fact that Peter Parker, your best friend, was Spider-Man, you were still worried about him. Part of you was angry that he’d kept this secret from you, but the bigger part of you was worried about him. You’d always care about him. You were aware of the fact that nothing would ever change that.

“I’m sorry,” he clutched at his side lightly before giving you the most apologetic look you’d ever seen. You knew he meant it, “I…bub, I was going to tell you. I was just…worried about this. You seeing me like this. Didn’t want you to worry about me.”

“Peter,” you sighed as you dropped to your knees, gently putting your hands on his thighs, “I will always worry about you. As Peter, or as Spider-Man. I worry if you’ve gotten enough sleep, if you’ve eaten enough, if you’ve done your laundry, if you’ve remembered to buy new bottles of shampoo and conditioner…”

“I know,” he set his hands on top of yours and gave them a gentle squeeze, “I know. I…feel the same.”

“I know you do, Peter,” you promised sweetly, “I…fuck. Is this where you’ve been the last couple of days? Is this what happened, love?”

“My phone fell when I was swinging,” he admitted sheepishly, “fell right onto the ground and shattered. After that one thing led to another and I ended up like this. But you should see the other guy.”

It was a meek little laugh that escaped his lips as you sighed lightly, “oh, Peter. I wish I would have known…I could have….done something.”

“No,” he shook his head lightly, “you are never going to be a part of this, of Spider-Man.”

“You realize that’s not going to stop me, right?” you whispered so softly that he almost didn’t hear it. You looked into his eyes, those big familiar brown eyes, “Spider-Man or not.”

“I know,” of course he knew. He’d always known, “I just wanted to protect you. Keep you safe from all the…bad stuff.”

“I know,” you echoed his words, “you always have. But you’ve gotta let me take care of you too, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “yeah.”

“Is this what’s been going on for the last few months?” you backtracked in your mind, trying to place when all the mysterious bruises, cuts, and scratches had started. At first you hadn’t questioned them, knowing Peter had a tendency to be more clumsy, but when they became more regular and angry, you’d become suspicious. But he’d always had an explanation, and you’d always believed him. But then you realized that you’d been seeing him less and less, especially in the evenings and…it all made sense suddenly, “that’s why you’ve been…oh.”

“I’m sorry,” he grew sheepish as you sighed lightly, not in anger but not necessarily in relief either, “I was gonna tell you, I promise.”

“I know you would have,” and you did. Secrets were never held long between the two of you, “I…I’m glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I’d do if…anyway, that’s not important right now. What’s important now is that you let me take care of you.”

“You don’t have to-”

“Don’t,” you put a finger to his mouth to gently shush him, “don’t do this right now. Let me help…please?”

“Okay.”

You stood back up and motioned for him to stay as you headed into his bathroom to grab the first aid kit. You caught your own reflection in the mirror; there were some tears that had pearled down your cheeks. You hadn’t even realized you’d been crying. The idea that anything could have happened to him was the worst feeling in the world. After drying them off with the sleeve of your sweater, you went into the cabinet and grabbed everything and headed back over to him.

When you walked into his bedroom, you shook your head when you noticed that he’d managed to change into a t-shirt and shorts, sitting upright against the headboard. You wanted to be annoyed with him, but you never could be, not for long anyway, “oh Peter.”

“I’m alright,” the two of you exchanged a look before you shared a small laugh. Perching yourself on the edge of his bed, you reached into the kit and pulled out some alcohol and a clean rag to clean up the cuts on his face. You reached up and gently started to clean his face, and despite being as gentle as possible, you could see him grimace in pain.

Once you’d gotten his face patched up, you ghosted your fingers over the bruise forming on his cheek, frowning deeply. He hated seeing you upset over him…this was everything he’d been trying to avoid.

“Where else?” you looked him over and remembered him clutching at his side. Without even waiting for permission, you reached for the hem of his shirt and slowly pulled it up. A small gasp escaped your lips as the bruising on his side became revealed. It looked incredibly painful, “Peter.”

“‘s alright,” he insisted, “it’s already healed a lot. It’ll get better soon, nothing’s broken.”

“You’re not lying to me, are you?” your voice trembled with effort to keep from crying; you just hated seeing him like this.

“I’m not,” he reached up and rested his hand on the side of your neck, brushing his thumb along your jaw, “promise. Didn’t mean to worry you, sweetheart.”

“I always worry about your dumbass, Parker,” you scoffed at him, sweet and affectionate despite the fact that you truly meant it, “just…be careful, okay? I don’t know what I’d do if…if something ever happened to you.”

“I know,” and if only you knew just how strongly he felt the same way about you. He pulled his hand away and scooted over on the bed, and motioned for you to join him. You moved softly, trying not to disturb him too much as you sat facing him.

The two of you sat in silence for a few long moments, looking deeply into each other’s eyes, attempting to understand what had shifted. No emotions, no feelings, nothing had changed, but there was a shift and something new had bubbled up the surface. Peter reached for your hand, taking it in his much larger one and laced your fingers together.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” your face immediately warmed up and you had to look away, but the smile on your face was undeniable. He put a finger under your chin and turned your face back to his, “I should tell you every day. I will tell you every day.”

“Peter…” you closed your eyes for a moment, but the smile on your face was undeniable.

“Can I kiss you?” The question caught you so off guard, your eyes snapped back open as he watched you gently. Your breath hitched in your throat as you nodded eagerly.

Both of you leaned in and met halfway, your lips brushing softly against each other. You thought it might have been awkward or weird, but it felt like never. It was easy to melt into his touch, and it felt like the two of you had been doing this forever; there was no learning curve, nothing off. It was like you had always been meant to kiss Peter Parker.

Only once he’d kissed you breathless and senseless did you pull back. He was smiling softly at you, almost as if he was unsure if you’d like it. You couldn’t help but lean in and give him a few more kisses.

“You, Peter Parker, can kiss me anytime,” you grinned at him, “just so you know.”

“I’m going to take you up on that offer…just so you know.”

“I hope you do.”

“I will.”

“So kiss me now…please.”

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x you #tasm!peter parker x reader #tasm!peter parker x you #tasm!peter parker x fem!reader #tasm!peter imagine #tasm!peter one shot #tasm!peter x reader #tasm!peter x you #tasm!peter #andrew garfield #andrew garfield x you #andrew garfield x reader

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kisses4hannii · 9 months

Text

Skz and photocards 🤍

𖣴Two scenarios in one night ! Just to make up my lack of posting recently, been busy and I have an early morning tomorrow so I’m trying to go to bed early in hopes of sleeping well, but I can’t help but think of something to write about as I’m laying in bed so enjoy loveys. Felix and Innies are a bit short, but other than that I enjoyed writing this𖣴

♡︎Stray kids x reader (no gender specified)

♡︎Summary: they find out you’re buying their albums for the photocards

♡︎WORD COUNT: 943 roughly 117 words per member.

⚠︎︎READ WARNINGS: non :)

⚠︎︎Minors/ageless/blank blogs dni

⚠︎︎You are responsible for what you consume.

Chan:

I can see Chan coming back to the dorms early (for once) and finding you sat on the floor in front of the couch with many different 5-star albums spread across the floor. He would freeze at the entry way and watch at you tear open one of the envelopes and quickly flip the photocards around. Only when you huff in frustration would he come back and ask what was happening.

You would very quickly tell him how you were looking for this one specific photo card of Innie to add to your collection. Confused, processing what you told him he would just leave you to it. I think he would be so tired he didn’t want to interfere or out any thought into what you were doing and decided to ask about it the following morning.

Changbin:

Binnie was super confused when you put one of their albums in the cart while you two are out shopping. He’d ask why you’re putting a Maxident album into the cart when you already have all of them. Also confused when you told him you like to collect the photocards. “Why would you buy the album when I can just get them for you.. for free..”

“But that ruins the fun of it Binnie ☹️.” Wouldn’t argue with you no more he didn’t know you collected their photocards and he doesn’t know how many albums you have. He would shrug as you excitedly put another one in the cart muttering how you hoped to pull your bias this time. Now that caught his attention- “wait Y/nnie am I not your bias?”

Minho:

Minho knows you like to buy his albums. He knows that you collect the photocards. And he knows that just giving the cardboard ruins the fun and experience for you. Even though you tried to hide it from him, he quickly caught on to the growing binder you had, and the new 5-star photocard of him attached to your bag.

He would secretly buy a few of them for you everyone and then, hiding them in your ‘hidden’ stash of unopened ones that you will eventually open. So far you’ve not noticed the growing pile, but what started as 3 quickly turned into 6.. which turned into 9 and he’s very curious as to why and how you haven’t noticed yet.

Hyunjin:

Definitely the type to buy and open them with you. He’d be upset when he didn’t pull the member he wanted when he bought it. If you happened to pull said member he would try to convince you to trade with him even if he was going to give them to you anyways. Loved seeing how jealous you got when he pulled the one photocard you’ve been hunting for, for WEEKS. Especially since it was his very first time joining you with unboxing them. The dramatic gasp followed with a loud screech of his name. “Hyunjin! Oh my gosh! I cannot believe you pulled that one, I’ve wanted it for weeks!”

You’re practically begging him to trade any of the photocards you had for that one. He’d find it cute how much you got into it. He’d join you whenever he could, finding it amusing how much joy you got from opening his albums.

Han:

He’d also buy them and open them with you. Whenever he couldn’t be there to open one with you, you’d Redford it and send it to him so it’s sorta like he’s there. He found this endearing knowing that you enjoyed unboxing his albums, especially when he was around. He’s pretty positive that you are the first person to open the physical album when he releases a new one.

He helps sleeve and organize your photocards, he buys you binders to store them in and even a little shelf to display the albums on. Loves watching the videos that you send him because it reminds him that it’s ok to enjoy things that others may not like.

Felix:

He finds it cute how you buy his albums, loves how you send him pictures or videos whenever you pull his photocard, or how you try to manifest his photocards with Bbokari. He loves how the binder you have is mainly full of his photocards. And he loves when you send photos of yourself, Bbokari and your favorite photocard of him when doing simple things, like making a meal, or drinking a coffee or getting ready for bed.

Seungmin:

He’ll probably find it a bit weird at first because he just give them to you. But is surprised when you strongly deny his offer of just handing them over to you. He doesn’t understand why you collect his photocards in the first place when you literally see him just about everyday.

You tell him you want the excitement that people get when they pull their favorites and that it’s all apart of the experience. He probably still wouldn’t understand 100% after that, but wouldn’t argue with you.

Jeongin:

It all started when he brought your very first album. He didn’t realize what he started. Soon you were always buying his albums in search for his photocards. You even had a shelf that displayed every single one of his albums that you bought. You had an entire separate binder just for his photocards. He loves seeing how joyful you get when you pull his photocards, and how you seem to sigh and deflate when you pull duplicates. But unlike everyone else you’ve accepted his offer of bringing you just the photocards, but under one condition. He can only bring you a photocard if you’ve been hunting for it for a while and keep pulling duplicates.

This has been floating in and out of head for while now, but never found the time to write scenarios for it until now. I’m just glad I could get it down before I forgot about it. Comments and reblogs would be much appreciated.

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whirlwindimagines · 1 year

Note

Hi how are you? I hope youre ok. i love youre blog and wanted to ask if you could write nightmare comfort because i have them like every night and they end in really bad panic attacks i just need comfort 🥲

With wolfwood and vash and if you want to million knives

you dont have to.

have a nice day <3

btw sorry for my bad englisch 😅

Hi! I’m doing well, just trying to get through the week lol I’m sorry for your nightmares! That’s no fun, I hope this is nice and comforting. And I low key been wanting to write for Million Knives because he’s usually my type lol pretty, psycho, mass murderer ya know the usual type! I'm not kidding I'm a Dabi apologist; don't think I won't turn into a Knives’ one. Man, I really do be exposing myself on this blog. Also, this is my first time writing for Knives so apologies, also of course his part was the longest.

'Sweet dreams are made of this'

Vash, Nichalous D Wolfwood, and Million Knives (separate) comforting you after a nightmare.

Vash:

You awoke with a silent scream, for a second you didn't recognize where you were your heart still racing. Then it was slowly coming back to you, looking around you noticed you were in a hotel room, that’s right the group had stopped at the little motel for the night. You glanced over beside you, and let out a sigh of relief.

And Vash was right there, sound asleep, his back facing you. Placing a hand over your heart, you were glad you didn't wake him God knew he needed his sleep, the man was usually a light sleeper, but he admitted one night that when he slept in a bed with you, he was more content. It was sweet and definitely didn't make your heart race.

You lay back down, everything is fine, you are safe, Vash is safe and you are sure the others are fine in their own rooms. Okay back to bed, you don't know how long you lay there staring up at the ceiling. With a sigh you turn towards Vash, you don't really want to wake him for such a silly reason.

Reaching your hand out slowly you grip the back of his shirt between his shoulder blades. You call his name; your heart skips a beat as he stirs. “What is it?” he says with a yawn, your voice catching in your throat embarrassed. “Nothing sorry just go back to sleep.” You say quickly, dropping your hand. “Hey wait.” he shuffles around to face you; he looks tired but his gaze is focused on you. You blush, “I had a nightmare.” You admitted shyly, Vash reaches out a hand and rest it against your cheek. “Come here.” you don't need to be told twice, you moved forward wrapping your arms around Vash as his own arms settle around you. You could hear his heartbeat from where your head lay on his chest, slow, steady, safe.

Vash ran his fingers through your hair, and you were glad he wasn’t asking any questions you didn’t want to talk about it anyway. Feeling safe and protected, you relaxed even more into his hold. You knew sleep would come much easier now, you smiled when you felt Vash press a gentle kiss to the top of your head. Everything would be fine now.

Wolfwood:

“Fuck!” You awoke sharply, your hands going to your head. You forced yourself to breathe, the night air was cool against your skin and it felt good. You settled back on your back looking up at the stars.

You were shaking, placing your hands on your face you tried to control your breathing. You sigh your probably not going to get any more sleep. Placing your hands at your side you watch the sky, glancing over at your companion you are surprised to see Wolfwood awake and watching the stars.

“You good?” His voice startles you, at first you are speechless, but he turns to look at you with a raised brow. You sigh, “it’s stupid, just go back to sleep.” You say your tone was dismissive, it was silly. The nightmares were annoying at this point. “Sorry I woke you.” Turning on your side in the sleeping bag, you force your eyes close.

Wolfwood scoffs at you, hearing him shuffle around a bit. “You didn’t wake me, get up.” He shoves your shoulder; you roll your eyes sitting up and turning to him. Your face flushed he’s way too close, and you lean back a bit. “Seriously Nico it was nothing.” You don’t want to talk about this, you watch him light a smoke. He passes you one, and with a sigh you take it. He offers you a light, but you don’t take it just holding the unlit cigarette between your fingers.

The two of sitting in silence, honestly you're glad for this. He doesn’t ask you any questions, “thanks.” You whisper, too shy to look at him. He chuckles, “for what?” your gaze softens as you look at him, you rest your arms over your knees and let out a light laugh.

“For being here.” You smirk, when he looks away stubbing out the cigarette in the sand. You watch the tips of his ears turn red; Nicholas was always nervous when you went soft on him. But you loved making him blush, he flustered you so much it was only fair to return the favor.

Scooting closer to the man, you lean your head on his shoulder. Sitting right beside him now, Wolfwood doesn’t say anything. He also doesn’t look at you as he lifts an arm to wrap around your shoulders to bring you to his side. You close your eyes smiling contently, there is no place you’d rather be.

Million Knives:

The screaming you realize is your own voice, you slap your hands over your mouth to cut the sound your heart racing it feels like it's going to burst from your chest. The silence in your room is loud, only your rapid heartbeat and harsh breaths fill the space. Fuck you briefly wonder if you woke anyone up, you hope not… some of the others had quite the temper.

With a sigh, you force yourself out of the bed, and out of your room it's too suffocating. With no real destination in mind, you let your hand trail on the wall as you walk down the pristine hallway. As you continue to walk that’s when you hear the first sounds of a piano. The song is familiar of course, and you know who is playing.

You wonder if you should continue, interrupting Knives could be a death sentence for some. But the thought of going back to bed, to sleep, makes your stomach twist painfully. So, you continue trying not to think too hard when you step into the grand room. The music is louder here of course, now that you’ve reached its source.

Standing there watching, you’re sure he already knows you are there. But you don't speak out of turn, “What.” his voice is curt, but not angry you take it as a sign to continue. “I had a nightmare, and I heard you playing.” you found being honest, and blunt with Knives’ was easier. He hated when people skirt around their words, you’re a little embarrassed about what you admitted to, but your heart skips a beat when he gestures you over with a wave of his hand.

Approaching carefully, you stand off to the side he removes his hood your blood runs cold when he looks at you with a sly grin, “A nightmare?” he coos it at you mockingly, this was a bad idea you should have turned around, the moment you heard the keys of the piano. You nod, watching as he pats the bench, you know he's telling you to sit not asking.

You do, trying not to show any emotion, you couldn't ever get a read on him, A part of you knew you should be afraid, and maybe the rational side of you was, but right now? You were tired. He looks at you expecting an answer, “Yes, I get them often.” you meet his gaze shyly, and he lets out a ‘hum’ turning back to the keys and resting his hands on them not playing. “You humans fear so easily, even in sleep you can't escape it.”

Your hands clench in your lap, Knives begin to play now a softer melody one you haven't heard, you look at him in surprise but his face gives nothing away. The tune is comforting, and you can feel it lulling you to sleep. “Go ahead sleep, nothing will harm you here.” Not thinking of the consequences, you lean your head on Knives shoulder, he continues playing as the song lulls you to sleep.

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corviisquire · 2 months

Text

Creatures have colors!!

Left to Right: @moonchild-in-blue @leonsleftbicep @ghxstly-death

@pear-island

Left to Right: @a-s-levynn @foundationsofdecay @polteergeistt

They have been colored along with making some minor adjustments. If anyone wants anything changed please let me know! These creatures are yours so name them whatever you want, develop lore if ya want, and do whatever you want with them. Possible next batch will probably be made later next week.

Art notes under cut :D

I put some music drops because music inspires me too much.

Moonchild-in-blue: The blues and purples!! Opals and the insides of muscle shells inspired me a lot with the coloring (particularly the stars and moon). There’s another shell that has that shiny blue and green lining on the inside but I can’t remember the name of it. It was a full moon last night but I forgot to take a picture! Thought of you but anyways I loved coloring the lady. It was fun but I first I struggled on deciding if I wanted more blue or purple.

Some songs I listened to a lot while coloring this:

Sweet Disposition - Temper Trap

Moon Child - F16s

The Night Does Not Belong to God - you know who

Leonsleftbicep: Colors go crazy! Idk what your favorite colors are but I chose The Blue. I also incorporated some red (for yummy contrast and complementary colors). I realized this looked very vampire media core. EyAH enjoy the critter!

Some songs I listened to while coloring this:

Blue Monday - Orgy

Military Fashion Show - And One

The Apparition - do I really need to say who?

Ghxstly-death: Per your request, red and black was incorporated! Was inspired by Mohg, Lord of Blood, from Elden ring cause he has cool robes and a trident thingy. I really like how it turned out. Like I’ve been doing with every design is adding the bling and I felt gold would work well.

Was resisting the urge to put the entire One EP right here:

Get The Balance Right! - Depeche Mode

Mascara - Deftones

Jaws - Slep tonka

SEVEN HOUR SHITTER (pearisland/perryisle): You use bright colors in your art all the time so we got the colors goingggg. Little guy reminds me of Pumpkin Patch protagonist or Hollow Knight. Idk. Not much to say except TRIPLE DEATH SLIME BARRAGE!!!

No normal music for you. only Kevin Macleod and Pizza Tower ST.

A-s-levynn: More Dark Sun Gwyndolin inspiration… (you can tell I have my dark souls art books open next to me right now). As requested, tendrils/tentacles were added! I think it improved the design a whole lot because it was originally very symmetrical and the tentacles added just the right amount of asymmetry to balance out the overall look. I’m a huge fromsoft fan (playing Elden Ring, waiting for new DLC, have dark souls 1 remastered but haven’t started it yet, have bloodborne Elden ring and DS1/3 art books) so lots of my art has elements from Fromsoft games (neutron activation).

And just like everyone else, some music for the soul:

Too Late - 311

Scared Together - Silversun Pickups

Dark Signs - eepy coin

Foundationsofdecay: Again, taking more inspiration from your blog, colors and stuff. The design had subconscious influence from the game sky: children of the light. Had lotsa fun coloring it. I don’t know much about you like favorite colors or flowers but I tried my best!

Songs that inspired me:

Let It Happen - Tame Impala

Flux - Bloc Party

Rain - tired currency

Polteergeistt: The oarfish colors… A lot Of these characters have cool blues so I tried to use some teal blues to contrast the red/pink(?). “Nintendo switch core” I’m sobbing. I fixed the feet. Now my Pinterest is filled to the brim with fish images (specifically oarfish, sea jellies, and blue lobsters).

The music!!!!!:

UNDERWATER BOI - Turnstile

The Illness (Teenagers Remix) - GoodBooks

Descending - exhausted dollar

Thank you so much. All of you are such lovely people. 🫂💕🫶

#art #my art #digital art #art gift #gift art #gift #creature #oc art #OC

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changbunnies · 1 year

Text

I Hate to Admit (18+)

♡ Pairing: Police Officer!Changbin x Plus Size Fem ("ex")Mafia Member!Reader

♡ Genre: angst, fluff, enemies??? to lovers kinda (it's not in the traditional sense)

♡ Word Count: 46.7k

♡ Summary: Y/N is an ex-mafia member whose specialty involved romancing targets for information. No feelings involved, she did what she had to do and then moved on promptly. That life eventually became toxic and tiring for her so she quit, and decided to live a normal life with a normal career and normal friends. However, after her older brother Chan's closest advisor is arrested in a sting operation, she's called in for one last job. Her latest target is Seo Changbin, a divorced captain of Seoul’s police force who is returning to dating for the first time in 2 years. It should be an easy job; get the info she needs and then vanish as she always did. But the job becomes anything but easy when she realizes she’s falling in love with him.

♡ Warnings: past character abuse (not described), past parental death (not described), implied past SA (because consent should be enthusiastic), blood and injury, gun violence, adjusted ages (everyone is late 20s, early 30s), specficially y/n is 28 and changbin is 30, changbin is divorced from a previous marriage

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): multiple smut scenes, changbin is extremely soft, lots of love bombs and check-ins, possibly too much exposition i am so sorry lmao, petnames (love, lovey, baby), handjob, nipple play, clit play, fingering, oral (m+f receiving), unprotected piv (reader is on birth control), overstimulation, creampie, over all very vanilla and soft, brief mentions of reader being heavy

♡ Notes: you can also read the story on my a03, where it is divided into chapters here! (i'm just putting it in one big post here cause i'm lazy lmao) and if you're interested, you can also check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Can we talk?

A mundane message, but one that can sow dread within you at a rapid pace. Those three little words on your phone screen mock you, the silent trepidation seeping into your pores, and rooting in your bones. Some may look at this scenario and think you’re overdramatic; what’s so scary about your brother asking you to talk? Why would this seemingly innocent message fill you with such unease?

And the answer to that is that those people are simply ignorant, blissfully so. To not understand why this would shake you meant that the life they lived up to this point was one of relative ease. Something terrible always followed a message like this. Always . And coming from your brother? That was even more cause for alarm. He only texted you like this when he had something terrible and important to tell you, something that had the ability to shake the foundations of your existence, to send you reeling head first into a reality you don’t want to face.

You stare at your screen for what feels like an eternity, but in reality it’s as little as a minute (according to the timestamp on your phone, at least.) Chan sent a short followup message that simply said, “Come by the house.” The house . Where you haven’t been in 6 months. You swallow in apprehension as you type a response. Whatever he has to say has to be serious, and your mind races with possibilities.

I’m on my way.

Your hands tremble as you approach your childhood home, taking slow measured steps through the entrance and subsequent halls. It’d been a long time since you last lived in the house, but until recently, you had still regularly visited it. Your brother, Chan, still lived here, along with various others he’d grown close to over the years, the people he considered his most trusted confidants. You didn’t hate your brother by any means, nor any of the other people you’d become friends with over the span of your life, but to live the mafia lifestyle was exhausting to say the least. And not just physically like most people might jump to, but emotionally. To be in fear for your life and the lives of your closest loved ones and friends, the stability of your home and finances, the balancing act between the life you lead in the day and the one you lead at night– All of it was so utterly exhausting.

And you admired your brother’s perseverance, his resolve to carry on where your parents left off, but this wasn’t a life you wanted to lead anymore. Chan understood when you told him, and he didn’t fault you when you expressed how taxing this life was on your health, so you left the ‘official’ rankings of the family with his blessing. For your sake, he minimized the contact the two of you shared in the last few months, but he was never going to abandon his baby sister. He still checked in on you on important dates, made sure you were making enough money to live well, and that you had a job that made you happy with a fulfilling social life.

All in all, he was the perfect older brother. He had a responsibility, and he carried it well, while ensuring the comfort of you, the baby sister who found it too stressful and overwhelming to continue to be a part of. But just because you no longer saw it happen doesn’t mean it stopped. Sure, not regularly seeing your brother hurt, or hearing about losses and close calls, was beneficial to your mental health, but it still happened. You just entered a space of blissful ignorance, of avoidance. If you didn’t see it, if you didn’t hear it, the problem didn’t exist anymore, simple as that.

And obviously that will never be true; Terrible things will always happen regardless of who is or isn’t there to bear witness to them. But you could pretend. You could go to your monotonous office job like a regular person, chat about the mundane things like the weather and what your coworkers' children are getting up to these days. You could have dinner on the couch while you facetime your best friend, gossiping about local drama or what new project their partner started while you have some random video playing as background noise. You could take a relaxing soak in the tub, listening to your new favorite song on repeat before you slip into your comfiest pair of pajamas and go to bed.

And you could pretend. Everything was perfectly fine, your brother was running things well, there were no problems and no losses. Your past was behind you, your family and friends were well, and you could live a normal life without any repercussions or consequences coming back to haunt you. A naive dream that someday reality would cruelly remind you it couldn't happen.

“Noona, you’re here!” Felix smiles as you make your approach to your brother's office, a bright one that would cause your heart to flutter if you weren’t so riddled with anxiety. Felix was your previous bodyguard while you were still living within the walls of your childhood home. Eventually, when you moved locations for various jobs assigned to you, he’d take point close by, watching from a careful distance in case something happened and he needed to protect you. He was also the first to pick up on your desire to leave, clearly being able to see the ripple effect the danger that this life held had on you. He broached the subject carefully, and gave you a soft smile when you admitted that his observations were correct. He supported you and gave you helpful advice, encouraging you to be honest with Chan and do what makes you happy.

If you were being honest, Felix was one of the people you missed the most. You spent a lot of time with him over the years, and you could imagine what a future with him would be like if he had been willing to leave with you. It broke your heart to realize he'd never leave it all behind, but you accepted it for what it was, and thanked him for his support for you up until the day you left. You still talked sometimes, and you often wondered what he does now that he's no longer your bodyguard, but he felt it best to give you distance while you transition into your new life.

“Hi Lixie,” you do your best to return his smile despite the anxiety stuck in your chest. "I've missed you, have you been well?" he asks after giving you a brisk hug. "My job is a little boring sometimes to be honest, but I like it,” you answer, deciding to continue quickly before the conversation degrades into awkward small talk, “Do you know what Chan wants to talk to me about?”

Felix’s smile shifts to a small frown as he nods his head tentatively. “I have an idea, yes,” he answers after a pause. Before you can ask him what he knows, your brother’s door swings open. To your relief, he doesn’t look any different than he did when you last saw him. That had to mean whatever he was going to tell you couldn't be that bad, right? “Y/N, come in!” Chan ushers you towards him, beckoning you into the room. You glance at Felix, who offers you a sympathetic smile, before you fully enter the office.

You take a seat across from his desk, hands wringing the bottom of your shirt as your eyes dart to various points in the room, trying to distract your apprehensive mind by observing any potential changes. A new painting? More books? A change in desk chair? Anything, no matter how minute, is enough of a distraction at this point. “I’ll get straight to the point,” he says as he takes his seat across from you, his expression serious. “I have a job I’d like you to do.”

It was typical of Chan to cut to the chase, never one to waste time with pleasantries if there was something serious to discuss, but despite expecting this, you were wholly unprepared to hear the words that actually came out of his mouth. “Chan, you know I left this behind for a reason. I can't..” You start, searching his expression for answers. Why would he ask you to come back to this? You thought he understood from your discussion prior to leaving that you’d never put yourself through the hurt again. You just couldn’t bear it anymore.

"I know it's a lot to ask but it's important, and there's no one I trust more than you to get it done. I can't ask anyone but you to do this." Chan responds, his pleading tone conveying how desperate he is right now. You frown, knowing very well that there was only ever one job Chan assigned you to, and what he would be expecting from you. “I.. I can't do this again.” You manage to say, your balled up hands trembling in your lap and your tone pleading him to understand.

Chan sighs, a sadness overtaking his features that you haven’t seen in years. “I understand, I really do, but..” He looks away, jaw clenched and expression pained. Your mind repeats his words to you; there’s no one else I trust, no one else I can ask. Was his situation really so grave that he had no choice but to reach out for your help? And did you really have it in you to deny your brother of help when he was looking at you with such downtrodden eyes?

You sigh as you resolve yourself to hear him out at least; if this was really that important to him, you couldn’t turn him down without good reason. You loved him after all, and despite any pain you might face, you wanted to help him if you could. “Who is it?” You ask finally, ignoring the way your nerves scream in protest.

“Seo Changbin, chief of Seoul police.” Your brows furrow at his response, mouth slightly agape in disbelief. He couldn’t be serious– and yet his stern expression told you that he was. “That’s impossible, there’s no way I can do that!” you exclaim, rising to your feet quickly. Sure, you were no stranger to seducing men for your family’s advantage, but it was usually petty criminals and rivaling bosses, not a police officer . And an incredibly powerful police officer at that!

"Minho was arrested," Chan says as he rises to his feet as well, hoping the declaration is enough to stop you from leaving. You freeze, heart sinking to your stomach. “..What? How?” You ask as you slowly sink back in your seat, listening intently as Chan shared the events of the last few months with you.

3 months ago, a deal gone wrong led to the arrest of your brother’s second in command and most trusted friend. Things have been tense and strained between members since then, but tensions were at their worst with Chan, who suspected there was a rat among them who fed information to a third party. The location was well guarded and scoped out well before the meeting between your brother and another leader he was striking a deal with, so someone had to have leaked it.

The plan was to join teams, effectively ending the rivalry and expanding territory in the process. The rival leader would release their hold on southern Seoul, with the promise that Chan in turn gave him a high ranking position and integrated his boys into the appropriate ranks. Everything seemed to be going well at first, with Chan and Minho proceeding with negotiations with little conflict. However, an unanticipated raid on their meeting location caused the men to break out into chaos. Some fought, others ran while throwing shots, but Minho got caught in the crossfire while ensuring that Chan got out of the situation intact.

In the end, no deal was made, trust broken between the two groups as they blamed one another, and Chan’s most trusted ally was behind bars with nothing to show for his efforts. Your brother didn’t want to believe that someone in your group had spilled secrets and allowed officers to raid their meeting, but he couldn’t disregard the possibility. In their world, anything was possible, and he couldn’t have blind faith in his team despite how bad he wanted to trust them. So with that in mind, the last few months were dedicated to keeping a watchful eye on his lackeys, looking for any slip ups or deviations in routine.

“You need to find out what the police have on him, on us , so we can build a defense for Minho,” Chan continues, the anger and grief on his face clear, “Or at the very least, discover who our rat is. I don’t plan on letting whoever sold us out walk away. They’ll regret ever betraying us.” Chan’s expression is one of unbridled rage, and now you understand why. A betrayal of this magnitude is something your brother could never forgive, no matter how kind of a leader he is.

And he wasn’t just betrayed, but his brother in arms was gone now too. Wherever Chan was, Minho was never far behind, and you honestly couldn't remember a time in your life where you didn’t see the two of them together. Minho was just as much a brother to you as Chan, having spent years of your life with the both of them by your side. You can’t imagine the amount of grief your brother has been shouldering on his own up until now.

“How do I get close to Changbin?” You finally question with a frown. You don’t doubt that Chan has a plan; he never sent you into a situation unprepared, but you’re still perplexed by the idea. This wasn’t the usual low hanging fruit you were tasked with getting close to, and even when set to romance rivaling bosses, you knew you had Chan and Felix’s protection if things went south. But here, there was no protection. If this Changbin guy figured you out, you’d all be nailed without hesitation.

“Jeongin. I planted him on the force after Minho’s arrest, he’s your in.” Chan answers easily, though the pain in his voice at the mention of Minho doesn’t go unnoticed by you. He prepared carefully when he realized he would need your help, not allowing for any possible error in his preparations. Chan didn’t want to throw you into a situation you weren’t capable of handling. Yes, he was desperate to find out where they went wrong, but patience was key, and he couldn’t throw his sister in the line of danger over just anything. You were not only a valuable asset to him, but also his only family left, and he wouldn’t lose you too over a half baked plot made in desperation.

So with that in mind, he moved slowly and carefully, keeping a watchful eye on those around him while planting trusted members in key locations. And Jeongin was one of those trusted members, a childhood friend who was fiercely loyal and dedicated to the family as he grew up in this lifestyle. He had proved his loyalty many times over in Chan’s eyes, so he gave Jeongin his task to infiltrate the force and learn anything he could about what happened on that fateful night months ago.

Han Jisung, another trusted member of the group, easily got all the necessary documents together to allow Jeongin onto the force. Jisung’s talent for forgery and information gathering was greatly appreciated, often allowing you and others into spaces they normally would not be allowed in. Chan informs you that while Jeongin is too low rank on the force to get the details they really want, he has been able to uncover other useful information that they can use to their advantage. That information being that police chief Seo Changbin is back on the dating field for the first time since his divorce, which is where you come in.

Jeongin often joined his “colleagues” for drinks after Friday shifts in the hopes that one of them would spill something in their inebriated state. And while Changbin didn’t spill anything work related that Jeongin didn't already know, he did share some personal details, which included his love life (or lack thereof.)

“Is he really going to go on a blind date with someone his subordinate hooks him up with?” You ask, hesitancy clear in your voice. Chan understands the hesitation however and doesn’t hold the way you’re questioning him against you; he knows how far-fetched this all sounds. “He’s already agreed to it,” Chan answers and this is where it all clicks for you. Of course he already agreed to it; Chan wouldn’t be giving you this task otherwise.

You sigh as you decide to commit to the job, still uneasy but unable to tell your brother “no” when he’s placing so much faith in you. All you can do now is hope that things proceed smoothly and that Changbin isn’t as much of an asshole as some of the other men you’ve had the displeasure of beguiling into spilling their most closely held secrets. “This is all the intel Jeongin has gotten on him, along with some things Jisung got through some digging. Read it over thoroughly and prepare for Friday night,” Chan says as he hands you a rather sparse manila folder.

Normally you had much more information to work with, but you suppose it makes sense that there isn’t much to dig up about Changbin. You imagine that he’s either some self righteous do-gooder with not a single speck on his perfect record, or a corrupt officer who's incredibly good at covering up his messes. You aren’t sure which you prefer either way, but no matter the outcome, you have to see it through. So you simply step out of Chan’s office, folder in hand as you head home to prepare.

As you expected by how little the folder held, you didn’t actually learn all that much about who Changbin is as a person. On Jisung's report, there was the typical boring information, like which high school he graduated from and how long he’s been on the police force, but there wasn’t much you could put to use. A medal won here, a promotion there, but nothing that would help you woo the man. On Jeongin’s end, he reported mostly on things he heard come out of Changbin’s mouth while he was drinking or from other colleagues. You knew Changbin has been divorced for over 2 years now, and you knew that he wanted to be in a relationship again, but there wasn’t much else for Jeongin to tell you.

Changbin seemed to be well guarded on all fronts, which you thought made sense given his career. If the chief of police in a city as large and populated as Seoul was flippant with his mouth, you could only imagine what kind of trouble it would cause. You also imagined that he held his private life close to his chest. You knew from firsthand experience that knowing personal details and secrets about a person can ruin them, and someone as influential as Changbin having his private life on display would surely be a disaster. You also found it incredible that even while intoxicated, he didn’t reveal too much about himself. Nothing critical or of importance, just minor or vague passing comments that anyone could infer. Anyone could guess that a divorced man would put himself back out there eventually, it was only a matter of time, and thus not a groundbreaking confession.

So, the only things you knew about him were either insignificant drunken confessions, speculation based on rumor, or observations made by Jeongin from working under him from the past 4 months. And the things Jeongin observed didn’t necessarily aid you in any way. He noted that Changbin had a routine, that he stuck to a specific diet to maintain his health and body, and that he was very prompt and careful with everything he did. Normally, you used the information gathered on a target to plan your approach. If you could appeal to their tastes, you were much more likely to get them to like you and want to pursue you, which made your job all the more easy. But Changbin was basically a mystery to you; no social media to scour for likes and dislikes, opinions or preferences that you could play into, nor any substantial records to pour though to learn about him.

You were basically going in blind, which made you all the more nervous to be in front of him this afternoon. You didn’t have a crutch to lean on, and all you could really do was hope that whatever you did was enough to make Changbin want to keep seeing you. You had also gone over your story with Chan and Jeongin a couple times to ingrain it in your memory and make sure there were no mistakes. The story was mostly truthful, as the best lies have some truth to them, but there were obviously some things that had to be changed about the relationship you have.

Jeongin was like a little brother to you, which was true, and you had a good relationship with his mother, which was also true. What wasn’t true however, was the reason behind those facts. Your story was that your mothers were close friends, which led to you having a big part in Jeongin’s life, and as noted that was partially true. The lie came from why they were close friends. The mafia life wasn’t some new endeavor that your brother decided to pursue while you followed, he was born into it, with your father being the previous head of the family, and that was similarly true for Jeongin. His dedication to Chan, and you by proxy, was instilled in him by his father in the same way your own father instilled the values of the family into you and Chan. So yes, your families were close, but not because of some high school friendship like your cover story would lead Changbin to believe. Your fathers worked together, which meant your mothers became close, and when Jeongin turned 18 he took over where his father had left off without hesitation.

It was a bittersweet feeling when Jeongin joined your ranks officially. He wasn't obligated to continue his father’s path like you and Chan, which gave him the chance to leave this all behind if he wanted to. You truly did view the boy like your own little brother, and you knew this life meant putting himself in harm's way, but you also understood that he was old enough to make his own choices. And it would be a lie to say his dedication and loyalty was unappreciated by you or your brother. You firmly believed that if Minho hadn’t turned 18 first, Jeongin would be second in command instead. It had really only come down to the fact that Minho was older with more real world experience that led to him being Chan’s direct subordinate.

You play your story over and over again in your head as you prepare for your date. A slip up here could prove devastating, so you were putting extra care into making sure you would execute everything flawlessly. The location of your date was a fairly nice restaurant (at least, you assumed it was based on your google search), so you planned your outfit based on that. It was more on the formal side, but not so much that it called for you to pull your most expensive pieces out of the closet, so you chose a dress on the simpler side. Besides, you figured showing up in something extravagant would be jarring and not at all match the vibe of being a nice girl who works an office job for a living.

Keeping in line with that train of thought, you also chose more subtle, natural looking makeup, and kept a more relaxed hair style. It’d been a while since you went on a date with a more natural style, but it was refreshing to not have to pull out all the stops. Normally, you had to play into a persona, or be an exaggerated version of yourself, but Changbin was expecting someone average. A nice girl with a modest job, nothing crazy and nothing for you to play into. You were definitely still anxious about not having something tangible to latch on to, but hopefully being more on the truthful, down to earth side would appeal to him. After all, no matter what caricature you made up in your mind to put on him, he was most likely the most normal guy you’d ever been assigned to.

The drive to your destination was as uneventful as it could be, spent mostly with you going over everything one last time and occasionally checking how you looked at red lights. You arrived a bit early, which you hoped would reflect positively on you given that Jeongin said that Changbin was a prompt person (and it was really one of the only things you had to go on.) You were probably standing in front of the building for a minute or so, before you heard a voice from the left.

“Are you Y/N?” the voice asks, and you turn quickly to look at the man for the first time. His voice is gruff but not harshly so; you’d consider it more on the warm side, and uniquely inviting. He was also much more broad than you’d anticipated, clearly the result of years of dedicated training and diligence. You can immediately understand why his subordinates and those unlucky enough to be arrested by him would find him intimidating, but his gaze is surprisingly jovial. The contrast between his stature and his face isn’t by any means unpleasant, but it is foreign to you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone so outwardly rough-looking have such a cheery disposition.

“You’re Changbin then?” you smile, his own brightness helping to put you more at ease, “It’s nice to meet you.” “You too! You havent been waiting long have you?” He asks and you quickly shake your head, assuring him you’ve only been here for a few minutes at most. He ushers you to follow him and you walk inside together. You’re guided to your seats promptly, courtesy of his reservation, and he pulls your chair out for you. You sit with a smile; when was the last time you went on a date with someone chivalrous? You honestly couldn’t remember; most men in your life having been far from gentlemanly.

Contrary to what you would expect, small talk flowed naturally, though you would give the credit for that to Changbin. He was very.. natural . He had an air of ease and confidence, but not in the sort of arrogant way you would find distasteful. If he was at all nervous it didn’t show, he wasn’t hesitant or awkward with any of his words. He had the kind of confidence that comes with age and life experience, sure of himself but not overly serious and able to poke fun at himself if the moment called for it. He was also much more open than you had anticipated, freely sharing details of himself, even if the story was something someone would consider embarrassing.

An old mess up? Something stupid he did at his 21st birthday party? A silly mistake when he was still in the officer's academy? All of it was divulged freely, giggling at himself as he shared his stories with you. It surprised you how himself he was. You expected someone secretive and closed off, or someone serious to a fault with no fun to be found. Neither extreme you made up in your head fit him, and maybe he was just private and stern in work settings, while his real self was mirthful and easy going.

You shared things about yourself as well, trying to maintain the carefree vibe he has created for your dinner together. Simple things mostly, majority of which are completely true minus the tweaking of some details to not give away anything you shouldn’t. Memories of your childhood, what working in an office is like, and giving him embarrassing stories of Jeongin to keep in his back pocket until he can bring them up at an opportune time. Time passes much quicker than you thought it would, with Changbin already taking out his card to pay the bill. “I could pay for myself,” you say with a slight pout, though you truthfully like that he even intended to pay for you in the first place.

“I can’t let a pretty girl pay for her meal on a first date! It just isn’t right!” Changbin exclaims, and you can’t help but smile at his reaction. Whether or not his gentlemanly behavior is an act or not remains to be seen, but the romantic lying deep within you can’t help but enjoy it. “How about I pay next time then? To keep it fair,” you say with a smile that Changbin returns without hesitation. “So there’s a next time?”

“Of course, as long as that’s okay with you,” you say and he nods eagerly, not at all hiding his excitement. He’s a bit of an open book you think, but you like it. It makes you wonder how Jeongin would feel if he could see his superior right now, all smiles and laughter, no hint of the intimidating and private man he normally sees at the station.

You find the duality appealing. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’s doing the same thing you usually do; playing up his personality or exaggerating to make you like him more, and if that is the case he definitely succeeded. You don’t think you’ve ever been so genuinely entranced by someone since high school, and it’ll certainly make your task more pleasant if you don’t hate the person you’re dealing with.

You exchange numbers before he walks you out of the building, keeping a respectful distance appropriate for a first date while he continues to chat with you about what your “next time” can entail. You like that he’s forward, but not overbearingly so. He says clearly what he wants and hopes for, and you get the impression that if you for some reason did turn him down that he wouldn’t be bitter or resentful like other men you’ve dealt with. He’s simply honest. “Shall I walk you to your car?” Changbin asks as you step outside together. The sun has set during your time spent in the restaurant, but it’s not terribly dark out given the illumination offered by the street lamps and other businesses.

“No, that’s okay. I parked nearby so it won’t take me long to get to it,” you answer. You didn’t sense any ulterior motives from Changbin, but felt it best to err on the side of caution and not let a man you just met see the car you drive. He nods understandingly, offering one last smile and telling you to be safe before he bids his goodbye to you.

You find yourself smiling the entire drive back to your apartment, and it remains even as you undress and clean yourself up. You look at your phone when you leave the shower, and the smile grows when you realize you have a text from Changbin already, telling you he got home safe and that he had a great time with you. You flop on your bed with your phone in hand, giddy as you type your own reply.

What you feel now is a kind of feeling you don’t recognize at first; the kind you’d feel when you have your first crush in elementary school, you think. The kind that makes you want to kick your feet as you lie under the blankets, or bury your head in the pillow and squeal. And that’s when realization hits you; do you actually like him? Genuinely, truly like him?

You frown as you stare up at the ceiling. It has to just be puppy love. There’s no way you genuinely like him after just meeting him once, right? On one hand, if you do like Changbin, that makes your task easier. You’d enjoy being around him, wouldn’t dread your future interactions, and would likely have a lot of fun most days. But on the other hand, wouldn’t it make things more complicated in the long run?

Well, there’s no use worrying about it right now– at least, that’s what you tell yourself. Nothing has even seriously happened yet to confirm that the two of you will be a couple, and stressing yourself out over all the possibilities is something you recognize will only do more harm than good at the moment. It’d be better to make a plan when you’re more sure of where things are going instead of trying to plan for every outcome now.

You sigh, tossing your phone on the nightstand as you make a conscious choice to just go to sleep. Whatever your feelings are, you’ll have plenty of time to figure things out later. For now, all you can really do is keep on the task at hand. And currently, that task is going on a 2nd date with Seo Changbin.

“What’s got you smiling so hard?” your coworkers voice to your left making you nearly jump out of your skin. “Seungmin!” you exclaim, hand clutching your chest as you swivel in your seat to face him. “You scared the life out of me!” Seungmin laughs in response, clearly not at all concerned over the fact that he almost sent you to an early grave.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think you were that focused on your phone,” he says with an amused smile. Your face flushes as you realize, yes, you were incredibly focused on your phone, and yes, you were smiling very hard. And Seungmin, being the menace of a friend that he is, couldn’t let it go unannounced. “Let me guess,” he says as rolls his chair to your desk, crossing his legs and folding his hands together in a dramatic fashion as he leans forward, “you’re texting Mr. Blind Date?”

“I’ve told you a million times, his name is Changbin,” you say as you push his chair away from your desk. He laughs again, rolling his way back over to you. It’s evident that he is unphased by your push, and instead finds it extremely funny. “What’s got you so hostile? All I did was ask a simple question!” He puts his hands up in a faux surrender gesture, though the amused smirk doesn’t leave his face.

You wouldn’t say you were embarrassed per se, but… Well , maybe you were. It’d been a long time since you were genuinely infatuated by someone like this, and being caught with hearts in your eyes in a work environment wasn’t the greatest feeling. Apart from that, this was someone you were supposed to pretend to like, not actually like. But, at least if anyone was going to catch you in this state, it was your perfectly oblivious friend.

“Yeah, well.. I really like him, I guess,” you say, trying to sound nonchalant despite the fact that Seungmin clearly saw the depth of your infatuation. “I guess,” he mocks, laughing when you shoot him an ‘I’ll kill you’ look. “You have your next date planned yet?” he asks, putting his joking aside to ask sincerely.

Seungmin had quickly become a great friend to you when you were accepted to the office, and while you definitely didn’t confess every detail of what your life was like before being hired here, you did allude to the fact that your past relationships were less than great. And he could see the genuine pain in your eyes whenever someone else in the cubicle block brought up their perfect relationships and idyllic families.

So, despite the teasing, he did genuinely care. He wanted you to be happy, and he was silently hoping that this Changbin person you met on your blind date would be the one to bring you that happiness. Of course, he didn’t know your ulterior motives behind said blind date, or about any of the previous mafia ties that led you here. Though, technically those ties are no longer ‘previous.’

“We’re gonna meet up again tomorrow. There’s an art exhibit he wants to go to,” you answer and Seungmin lets out a little ‘oooo~’ which you roll your eyes at. “So he’s an arts guy then?” he asks and you shake your head. “Not really, but his best friend's works are gonna be on display and he wants to support him. He asked me if I wanted to be his plus one.”

“Oh, ‘plus one~’, sounds fancy,” Seungmin teases, which you scoff at. “It’s nothing extravagant, Min, don’t be dramatic.” You push his shoulder, which he then clutches with a small gasp as if you actually hurt him. The rest of your coworkers shuffle into the room not long after, signaling that break time is officially over and it’s time to get back to work.

The rest of the work day is nothing short of hectic, stress induced mess following your break time antics. You and Seungmin are practically buried in work due to multiple people calling off after catching a cold. All the catch up work to make deadlines is running you ragged, but the thought of having a fun day out after this is all over is keeping you going. That, and Changbin sending you cute texts of encouragement every time you complain to him about the workload.

You breathe a sigh of relief when the backlog is finally finished; slumping in your chair and letting yourself roll away from the desk. It’s way past the time you’d usually leave for the day, but at least you’re being well compensated for the work. It was tiring, but the fat check will make it all worth it in the end. Maybe you’ll finally be able to splurge on some new clothes like you’ve been wanting to.

Seungmin finishes his own work just moments later and throws his hands in the air with an exclamation, “Hell is over!” You laugh as you pull yourself back up to prepare yourself to go home. “I’m so ready to crash after this. I think I’m gonna collapse as soon as I step in the house.”

“Don’t crash before you have dinner at least,” you say and Seungmin groans, as if doing anything other than immediately going to sleep will ruin him. “I can eat when I wake up! Getting my beauty sleep is more important.” “Yeah, those dark circles are getting a bit egregious,” you joke and Seungmin shoots a glare at you before he stands. The pair of you continue to bicker and laugh before you say your goodbyes, and Seungmin makes sure you promise to give him all the details of your second date when you return on Monday.

It’s painfully obvious that you’re sick when you wake up the next morning. Sore throat, cough, fatigue, and all the works. It’s also painfully obvious where you got your cold from, given all the office absentees. The sickness that ran rampant through your coworkers was bound to catch up to you eventually, you suppose. But did it have to be today of all days?

Canceling on Changbin made you feel awful ; much more than you expected it to. You always felt bad when you had to cancel plans of course, it was never a happy thing to do, but the sadness you felt now was unmatched by any time before it. You tell yourself it’s because you have a lot riding on this date, because your brother needs you to see this through and you can’t let anything deter Changbin from wanting to be with you, but you know deep down that’s not the truth.

The truth is that you were actually looking forward to seeing him. That you liked him. That you wanted to hold his hand as you walked through the gallery together, to share your thoughts over a nice dinner, to maybe end the night with a kiss or two. And God, did the fact that you actually like him make you feel stupid . What kind of idiot actually starts to like the person they are supposed to dupe in the end? Did leaving for half a year revert you back to an amateur? Did you forget all of your previous bad experiences with other men you had to do this with?

When you walked away, you told yourself you wouldn’t be in a relationship again for a long time, sincere or otherwise. Being with awful men jaded you, and the rare times you did feel a genuine connection, the nature of your life and family ruined it. There was a point in your life that you started to believe you didn’t deserve anything good. Everyone you met either treated you like shit, or resented the reality of what being with you entailed.

With every subsequent forced proximity with a man you loathed, with every spark of love that faded because of who you are and what your family does, you withered. People will compare being adolescent to a bud, likening the growth and transition into adult life to that of a flower's first bloom. But you always felt like your bloom never came. Mother Nature skipped over you, deeming you unworthy, leaving you to rot before you ever had a chance for something more.

While other people were vibrant and colorful, you were dull and withered. The garden that was your life was barren and devoid of nutrients, and always would be. At least, that’s how you felt until fairly recently. It took time for you to realize you were deserving of good things, and that a change of environment would help you turn your life into the kind that you would be happy to live.

Even when you started to feel good about life, and about yourself again, you figured it would still be a while before you ever began to crave the presence of a significant other again. You’d been hurt too many times, seen the worst in countless people, saw the depths of cruelty and hatred that someone could have. And good people existed, of course they did, but your world view was tainted by the ceaseless callousness you were confronted with.

How could you believe that kind people were out there when you often saw the opposite? The depravity, selfishness, and heartless disregard for anyone but themselves? The fact that you had good people in your life began to feel like a fluke. You and your handful of close family members like small faint glimmers of light in a sea of black.

But even when you were blind to it, even when your vision was clouded by the suffering you experienced, good people existed. Selfless people, who would give the last of what they had to help someone else. Kind people, who helped someone in need without asking for anything in return. Happy people, whose only goal was to make the world a bit brighter than it was yesterday with one small kindness at a time.

And Changbin was one of those people. And maybe it was naive to believe that so soon, to have faith that he was different from the other men you’ve known, but you couldn’t help it. He just radiated sincerity, exuded warmth, emanated positivity. Talking with him brought you back to the feeling of having a grade school crush; it was like he woke up a part of you that had been sleeping for years. A part of you that wanted a love like in romance movies, where everything is filled with cheesy quotes of adoration and over dramatic declarations of love. Flourishes of passion, moments where all you can think about is seeing him again, where the smallest of gestures makes your heart burst with excitement.

You’ve only known him a short time, but you felt so utterly infatuated. Every time you spoke to each other, it felt like being on a cloud. It was soft and inviting, warm and bright. His warmth like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, an unmatched comfort and peace. The weeks leading up to this 2nd date where you spent hours texting, talking on the phone or facetiming, it was almost euphoric.

And you suppose that’s another reason missing out on today is that much more devastating to you. Changbin became swamped with work shortly following your first date, promising that the first free weekend he’d got he’d take you on that date he promised. Then, when things were finally calming down for him, you ended up being buried under the workload of your sick coworkers. And finally, finally , your patience would be rewarded with today’s date.

Would it be overdramatic to kick and scream? Maybe, but it’s all you wanted to do. And maybe tell God, or whatever higher power exists, to please let Changbin not hate you for canceling today. Of course, he was very understanding, even offering to drive over to you and pick up anything you might need. You turned him down, telling him to go to the exhibit and that you’d just get some more sleep after you took some medicine.

It was late in the afternoon when you woke up from your cough medicine induced coma, the sun just barely still in the horizon. You knew you really should get some food in you, but the prospect of walking around your kitchen and cooking something sounded extremely daunting. You wondered if it was too late to take Changbin up on his offer? Having someone bring you some more medicine and something to eat would be a godsend. And besides that, you just want to see him.

You unlock your phone and immediately smile upon seeing your texts; Changbin knew you were getting your rest of course, but he still sent updates, including pictures of the art pieces and how he tried his best to interpret their meaning despite not really understanding what he was looking at most times. His friends works were the most praised by Changbin of course, and his enthused “This one is by Hyunjin!! My best friend is so talented!!” was endearing.

You decide to send a simple text, saying you just woke up and were hoping his offer to come by still stands if it’s not any trouble. To your surprise, a facetime request comes through, and you scramble to settle into a presentable position (not that it really matters given how sick you are.) “Y/N~” he coos when you finally answer, a small pout forming on his features when he sees your tired eyes and red nose.

Changbin is sitting in his car, phone propped up on the dash as he sits in what you assumed to be the driveway of his home. His hair is damp and his clothes loose and comfortable, giving away that he just recently took a shower and was going to start settling in for the night before you texted him. And you’re not sure if it’s the damp look or the way the light of the setting sun illuminates his skin that makes your heart feel like it’s going to burst, but he’s handsome. So devastatingly handsome that you almost want to hide your sick face away.

Changbin asks all sorts of questions during your call, like what medicines you took, what you need restocked, what you want to eat and from where. Every time you offer to pay him back, he shuts you down, always reminding you that he wants to do this for you. He hangs up when he starts to drive so he won't be distracted, and you decide to relocate to your living room. You bring your favorite blanket and an extra pillow with you, settling in on the sofa while turning the tv to some random show you don’t intend on paying much attention to.

It’s around an hour later when Changbin calls again to let you know he’s at your apartment. You were surprised he took so long, and when you open the door for him it’s easy to see why. His hands are full of bags, all from the same store apart from your food order. “Changbin, you- what is all this?” you ask, nearly stunned. He shuffles his way inside, placing everything carefully down your kitchen counters as your front door closes behind him.

“Well, I know you only needed a couple things but..” he says as he starts to separate the bags, placing your food off to the side as he digs through them, showing you the contents one by one. “This is the medicine you asked for. And I also got this anti-drowsy version for the daytime. Oh, and this is vitamin c, your immune system will need it! This is tea for your throat, and this is-”

You nod along to what he’s saying, but your brain has long since stopped processing the information. You're stuck on the fact that he even bought all of this for you, that he seemed to care so much that he went above and beyond what you asked for. When he looks up and sees your bewildered expression, he pauses, brows furrowing in concern. “What’s wrong? Do you need to lay back down?”

“Oh, no, I..” you start to answer but well.. What do you even say? It’s hard to explain why such a simple kindness would render you so incapacitated. “If you’re worried about how much I spent, it’s fine! Nothing I can’t make up with another day at the office,” he says with a smile. “Oh, but you shouldn’t still be standing! Here, let’s sit you down.” Changbin guides you to your sofa, hurrying back to your kitchen to grab the food and bring it to you. He places it carefully in your hands before he sits down next to you.

You stare at the food in your hands, blinking as you try to process. He really did all this for you because he cares? He doesn’t expect anything in return? He isn’t going to complain about the costs or the effort, or make you feel like a burden? No, you know that he won’t, and that’s the part that sends waves of an indescribable emotion through you. “Is it wrong? Did you lose your appetite?” he asks when he notices you just looking at it, leaning closer to inspect the meal in your hands, then back up to your face.

“Oh, sorry, I guess I did for a second. I’m good to eat now though,” you fib, but smile afterwards to ease any worries he has. “No need to say sorry for that, just eat before it happens again, okay?” Changbin watches for a few moments, making sure that the food isn’t going to make you more ill. As much as he wants you to eat to get better, he knows how hard it can be to force yourself and how that can make it worse.

When he is assured that your appetite is in fact back and that you’re eating well, he turns back to his own meal. You share a comfortable silence for a time as you focus on getting food in your system, though Changbin finishes much faster than you due to the cold slowing your pace. He doesn’t spend the time waiting for you to finish idly thought– instead, he prepares more medicine for you and cleaning up any messes he left in his wake.

“So, what show is this?” he asks when he’s finished cleaning up the trash from your meals. You told him he didn’t have to and that you’d clean it up later of course, but he insisted upon it. “I don’t know actually. I just put anything on,” you answer. Changbin frowns a little, cutely you might add, before he speaks. “That’s no good, you should watch your favorite things when you don’t feel good. Like.. a comfort movie! What's your favorite? We’ll watch that!”

He quickly reaches for the remote before looking at you expectantly. “Oh, uhm..” You hesitate, hoping that you appear to just be thinking about it instead of taken aback like you truly were. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a boyfriend (genuine or otherwise) that valued any of your opinions, that wanted to give the things you liked a try or indulge in any interests you had. Something as small as letting you choose what to watch on tv meant more to you than he could possibly realize.

It doesn’t take much actual thought to make your suggestion and tell him where he can find it, and he beams as he follows your instructions to get the movie playing. The only problem now, you soon realize, is that you have no space to lay back down. Given that you live alone and don’t often have company, you chose to buy a smaller sofa and save the extra money. That decision seemed smart at the time, but now you wondered if you should’ve just gone for the bigger furniture.

Changbin watches you fumble with your pillow for a few moments, trying to find different ways to prop it up and make it comfortable to lay against, before he gets the courage to speak up. “Do you want to lay on me?” “Huh?” you say, not because you didn’t hear him, but because you’re surprised he asked. “We can cuddle..? If you want?”

Oh, you’re fucked. There’s no reason the prospect of cuddling should make butterflies erupt in your stomach like this. You nod, tentatively passing your pillow over to him. Changbin places it carefully against the arm rest before he props himself against it, motioning for you to lay against him once he’s settled. Your head rests on his chest, and Changbin wraps his arm around you carefully, ensuring that his touch is comforting and not inappropriate. You unwittingly let out a sigh as your body relaxes, and Changbin has to suppress a smile in response.

Before you know it, your eyes are closing. Changbin is just so warm and comfortable, you can’t fight it. He smells good and his gentle touch is soothing, the slow circles he draws on your skin with his thumb lulling you to sleep. The sound of your comfort movie playing becomes almost silent in your ears, being replaced instead by the sound of Changbin’s breathing and the steady beating of his heart.

The movement of Changbin’s leg eventually stirs you awake, and you sit up with a yawn, rubbing your tired eyes. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he apologizes before he stretches out his legs. You guess they must’ve fallen asleep after being in the same position for so long. “How long was I asleep?” you ask as you turn your attention to the tv. The movie you picked was no longer playing, and it seemed to be half way through a different one.

“I’m not sure, a few hours maybe?” “What? Really?!” You scramble for your phone to check the time and see that Changbin was right– you have been asleep on him for at least 2 hours. “You could’ve woken me up,” you frown, but Changbin shakes his head vigorously, as if that was never an option. “No, you’re sick, you needed the rest!”

He had a point of course, but you still felt bad that he was probably bored out of his mind letting you sleep on him like that for so long. Changbin notes your pout, and how cute you are to him even when you’re sick and puffy and tired. “Why don’t you go to bed for the night? Your body needs it,” he suggests after you let out yet another yawn.

“Yeah, okay,” you nod, and Changbin quickly rises to his feet to help you stand (though you would argue you are stable enough to walk on your own.) He carries your pillow for you, and would’ve carried your blanket as well if not for the fact that you currently had it wrapped around your body like a cocoon.

Your room is a bit messy, but thankfully there’s nothing lying around that you would be embarrassed for him to see. Changbin sets your pillow down before ensuring that you get in the bed. He turns to walk away, promising he’ll lock the door on his way out and text you tomorrow, when you, in a move that surprises even yourself, call out to him. He faces you quickly, head tilted as asks what’s wrong.

“Do you want to stay?” your voice comes out smaller than intended, but Changbin hears you clearly. And it’s his turn for his heart to feel like it’s going to burst, hoping that the faint blush rising to his cheeks is masked by the darkness in the room. “I mean, it’s late so..” you continue when he doesn’t answer right away, hoping you haven’t overstepped a boundary by asking.

“Of course, I’d like that,” he says to your relief. He’s nervous as he makes the short trek back to your bed, both of your hearts pounding in your chests as he moves the blanket to lie down next to you. It feels like you’re a teenager again rather than an adult pushing thirty when he settles in and looks at you, face just a few mere inches away from yours. It's almost embarrassing how easily he gives you butterflies.

“I want to kiss you so bad,” he admits suddenly, his voice almost a whisper as his eyes search for yours in the darkness. “What if you get sick?” you ask, laughing when he exclaims in response. “I wouldn’t be here right now if I cared about getting sick!”

“Fair point,” you smile as you inch your way a bit closer to him. He reaches out for you, arm wrapping around your waist as he moves in, close enough for you to feel his breath against your skin. The first kiss you share is light, almost careful, and soft, but it’s enough to make your stomach flip. Changbin has a small smile when he pulls away, which makes you smile as well.

“Thank you for tonight,” you say and he shakes his head, his own smile growing. “It’s the least I can do for my girlfriend. I mean.. I hope you will be, anyways.” “Of course I will be,” you giggle, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask.” “In that case!” Changbin rises suddenly, surprising you as he clasps your hands in his. “Y/N. In case it’s not obvious, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

You giggle as you accept, and his smile is beaming as he lies back down and pulls you into another kiss. “Get some rest now, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up,” Changbin speaks softly as his arms wrap around you in a hug. You close your eyes as you nuzzle your head into the crook of his neck, feeling nothing but happiness and comfort as you once again fall asleep against him.

The weeks following making your relationship with Changbin official are simultaneously the most elating and the most fraught you’d ever lived. Both of which due to the fact that Changbin seems to be literally perfect. He’s attentive, funny, and incredibly caring, all while being devastatingly handsome. He’s also the most selfless and encouraging person you’ve ever been with, that it riddles you with guilt every time you remember what you ultimately have to do.

Can you bring yourself to betray him after all this? Your allegiance is supposed to align with your brother, but the more time you spend with Changbin, the more you question if it’s something you can really do. He was just so different, almost painfully so, that the mere thought of breaking his trust fills you with a dread you’ve never experienced before now.

Apart from that, as you expected, Changbin keeps his work life and home life separate. He might tell you he’s stressed, or in vague terms talk about why a case is hard for him currently, but he never shares details. And you never press him, though technically you should. That’s what you were supposed to be doing here– getting information, passing it along, giving Chan the upper hand he needs to help Minho.

And the fact that you don’t press for details, the fact that you don’t want to, also fills you with guilt. You should want to help your brother, to help Minho out of his situation, but you don’t. Plus, you’re only here because Chan asked you to be, because he set everything up for you, he put his trust in you. Yet here you are, 3 months later with nothing to show for it. Chan is patient, he isn’t expecting any huge revelation right away as he knew building trust with someone isn’t something that happens over night, but it won’t be that way forever.

You don’t know when, but a time will come when your brother asks you what you have. What you’ve learned, how your progress with Changbin is, and what steps you’ve been taking to gather information. But what will you even say in response? Can you be honest in that situation, and admit that you like Changbin too much to hurt him? You’re torn between the obligation you have with your brother, and the feelings you have for Changbin. What will you do when you inevitably have to choose between them, and decide which bond is the more important one to uphold?

“You okay, lovey?” Changbin’s voice snaps you from your thoughts. “Oh, sorry, just nervous I guess,” you answer with a smile that you hope he can’t tell is forced. “Don’t worry, Hyunjin’s nice, I promise! And he’ll love you, I’m sure of it,” he smiles as he gives you a peck on the head. You smile and thank him, feeling a bit guilty that he’s trying to comfort you over a white lie, but telling the truth certainly isn’t something you’re ready to do yet.

Well, maybe it isn’t entirely a lie– you are nervous to meet Hyunjin for the first time too. That’s what brought you to Changbin’s place today; his best friend, who you were originally supposed to meet the night of your 2nd date, is coming over for dinner today. He finally has free time in his schedule following the exhibit and family responsibilities, and Changbin excitedly planned for, in his words, his best friend and his favorite girl to finally meet.

Changbin, despite considering himself to not be much of a cook, did a lot of work to make the dinner nice. Not so much for Hyunjin of course, but for you. He’s secretly hoping you’ll be impressed by his efforts and compliment him (he lives for your praise, unbeknownst to you.) It doesn’t take much longer for Hyunjin to arrive, with Changbin being full of smiles as he introduces the two of you to each other.

You try your best to not be awkward as you make small talk, though thankfully (and as usual) Changbin easily steers the conversations and makes them lively. He encourages you to talk about yourself as well, as opposed to just listening to them catch up, and you appreciate that he wants you to be an active participant of the conversation instead of just existing there. “Did Changbin tell you how we became friends?” Hyunjin asks towards the end of the meal, which makes Changbin audibly groan in response. “Do you have to bring that up every time? It’s embarrassing!”

You chuckle as you listen to your boyfriend complain. He’s brought up embarrassing memories to you before so you are a bit surprised by his outburst, but maybe it’s because he wanted to tell you on his own time. “But it’s my favorite story! And it’s not even embarrassing, you’re just dramatic,” Hyunjin says and Changbin pouts and crosses his arms. “Shouldn’t I be the one to decide which of my memories are embarrassing or not?”

“Well it’s my memory too, and I say it’s not.” Hyunjin says matter-of-factly. Changbin’s pout grows as he looks over at you and notices your eager expression. You definitely want to hear the story now; you’re so curious! “Fine,” he sighs in defeat as he lets his head fall to the table. “But you better not laugh!”

“I won’t, I promise,” you say with a sweet smile. You can tell he’s not genuinely upset; if he was it would be obvious. Maybe he’s just a little nervous about what your reaction will be? But you’ll give him all the reassurance he needs that you won’t find this funny if it’s not something he’s able to laugh at too. You give him a small kiss for being a good sport, which causes him to turn his head away to hide the smile that starts to grow when you do.

You turn your attention back to Hyunjin as he begins telling the story. “So, we’re in middle school right? And I didn’t have any friends. I was the kind of kid that preferred to stay indoors and read or draw than be outside, so I didn’t get along much with the other kids who loved to play around roughly in the yard. I wouldn’t say I was bullied, but the other boys certainly weren’t quiet about the fact that I was weird.”

“And then Changbin transfers in later in the year, and not even a few days into his first week there, he’s already fighting kids for being mean to me! Just a boy in his class he’s never even spoken to before, and he wanted to defend me anyways.” It’s easy to see why this is Hyunjin’s favorite story, and he smiles warmly as he tells it. “And it might be hard to imagine, but he was small back then, so he was fighting kids like, twice his size.”

“Yah! You didn’t have to bring that part up!” Changbin lifts his head to exclaim, making you giggle. “What’s wrong with that? It shows how kind and brave you were,” you say. The pout practically melts off his face, easily turning into a small smile at your compliment. “Yeah, well.. I still am, you know.”

“Of course I know, that’s why I like you so much,” you say before giving him another peck. His bashful smile is so sweet and cute, you have to resist the urge to attack him with more kisses in front of Hyunjin. “See, I did you a favor by telling her! You loved the story, right Y/N?” Hyunjin wears a victorious, almost I-told-you-so, smile as you nod. It just makes you like him more, to be honest, knowing that he’s been this way since he was young. Chivalrous and sweet above all else.

“We became good friends after that. And eventually Changbin told me he wanted to help everyone someday, like a superhero.” Changbin groans again as you giggle at Hyunjin’s words. That must be another reason he’s embarrassed– wanting to be a superhero when you grow up isn’t the most realistic thing to aspire to. “I knew you’d laugh,” he grumbles as he pouts.

“I’m not laughing at you Binnie, I just think you’re cute.” His face turns a light shade of pink, both from the compliment and from you calling him his nickname in front of his friend (which before now he only ever heard in a private setting.) “I feel like I’m being bullied right now,” Changbin says as he points between the two of you. “You’re banding together to embarrass me.” “Here, I’ll make it up to you by cleaning up,” you say as you rise to your feet. “Wait, no, I’ll do it!” Changbin protests, grabbing your used plate from your hands. “You’re my guest, I’ll take care of it.”

You want to argue and help, but you know there’s no point; Changbin is stubborn about things like this. So you concede easily and sit back down. “Changbin seems happy. I’m glad he has you,” Hyunjin says after Changbin steps away to put the dishes in his sink, apparently not wanting to fluster the man further by saying it in front of him. “It might be hard to tell now, but he was depressed for a long time.”

Your heart squeezes in your chest at the words. You loved that you were able to make Changbin happier, but it was equally painful. You know what your reality is, and what you’re supposed to be doing here. You know, but you don’t want to. “He’s a good man,” you reply, “he deserves to be happy.” Hyunjin smiles, and Changbin walks back in, equally as smiley and oblivious to the small conversation you just had.

Fuck, you felt terrible. You knew quite a bit about Changbin’s past with his ex, and what led to his divorce. He felt like it was important to bring up when you were starting to get serious, so that the problems he experienced back then wouldn’t repeat themselves in his relationship with you. He worked really hard to get where he is today, to become chief of police. He had a strong sense of justice, and an equally strong urge to help people. But eventually, that passion started to cause a rift in his relationship.

His ex felt neglected and alone most nights while Changbin was spending all his free time putting in extra hours, working harder than he had to. But he wanted to, he loved doing it, he had so much pride in his career. And that pride and passion led him to his dream position, and effectively made him the youngest person to get so far in such a short amount of time. He was proud of himself, of the life he built, and it devastated him when he realized his partner didn’t feel the same way.

Changbin’s ex didn’t want someone who spent all their free time buried in work, they wanted him to be more present. They wanted someone to spend quality time with, who would make time for them and the family they planned to one day build, who would prioritize them above all else. Even on his time off he thought about work, he talked about cases, but his partner didn’t want to talk about those things all the time. He explained that he was confused at first; he didn’t understand how his dedication to his career could cause this to happen. In his mind, everything was perfect– his dream career, a beautiful house, and a loving partner.

It took time for him to understand their perspective and see what he could have done differently, but it was too late by then for him to make it work. His career was important to him and he wasn’t wrong for that, but they also weren’t wrong for wanting to be with someone more attentive and less busy, and he understood that now. And that’s why he wanted to make sure you understood that about him, and would accept him if he ever spent long hours in his office or a case required his urgent attention. And in return, he’d make sure he’d do what he should to be a good boyfriend on his time off, to make adequate time for you and shower you with affection.

Those 2 years were hard for him, but he learned a lot from it. About how to find the balance between your work and home life. It’s also part of the reason he doesn’t tell you about things in detail, afraid that you might begin to resent him in the same way his ex had. That if he spends too much time absorbed in his work that you’ll just decide you’ve had enough and walk away from him.

It was hard for Changbin to admit that to you, but he knew he had to bring it up early so you knew. But truthfully, you only ever admired him. You loved when he was passionate or excited, and you couldn’t imagine ever shutting him down or making him feel bad for it. You loved seeing his beaming smile every time he said a case was solved or there was a successful interrogation at the office. You couldn’t imagine ever seeing that unbridled joy and not smiling along with him. And so, because his ex didn’t, you told him you were proud of him. You told him good job, you shared in his happiness, you met his enthusiasm with love.

Love? Were you in love? Is that why your heart ached so much? But it’s natural to feel bad right? Changbin is a good person and you don’t want to do something cruel to him. It’s normal to be upset about that. It’s normal for your heart to hurt over this. It’s normal for dread to course through your veins, to not want to imagine how much pain he would be in if you betrayed his trust. That’s all normal, so surely you’re not in love with him already? Right?

You swallow apprehensively as you look at Changbin. He’s talking animatedly with Hyunjin, his smile as bright as ever, his loud voice full of joy. Normally seeing him like that made you happy too; you’d smile right along with him, giggling at all his cute expressions and declarations. But now there’s a lump in your throat, hands shaking as the anxiety starts to consume you. You don’t want to hurt him. You don’t want to do this anymore.

Changbin is an observant man, so you excuse yourself to the bathroom before he can read your expression and see that something is bothering you. You take deep breaths, hands trembling as you try to calm yourself. You’re just anxious, that’s all it is, it’ll pass, you’ll be fine, you tell yourself. You give yourself a moment longer, before washing your hands and stepping out to rejoin the men.

Thankfully, you successfully managed to calm yourself for now, and rejoin their conversation organically. It was a relief honestly that Changbin didn’t seem to be aware of the internal battle you were having with yourself. You mentally thanked Hyunjin for keeping him distracted enough, as you knew Changbin’s care for you would make all those emotions you’re trying to hold back erupt. And if you were being honest with yourself, you weren’t ready to face those feelings just yet.

It didn’t take much longer for the day to transition into night, with Hyunjin needing to bid his goodbyes to return to his family. Changbin made him promise to bring them next time of course, and Hyunjin happily agreed to bring them if they were able. The moment his friend leaves, Changbin turns to you with an almost hopeful look. “You don’t work tomorrow right?” he asks, and you can tell by the small pout on his lips that he intends to ask something of you.

“No, I don’t,” you assure with a soft smile, wondering what he was about to segway into. “Stay the night with me,” he continues his pout, looking at you with his puppy eyes that you’ve grown fond of. “But none of my things are here,” you say with a small frown, which only makes his pouting even more blatant. “You can just wear something of mine! Please..?”

It wasn’t really the clothes you were worried about; you had makeup on and your skin would surely suffer if you left it on all night and you weren’t sure if Changbin had anything in his cabinet that would be sufficient enough to remove it. But God, his cute begging always made you so weak. How were you supposed to say no when he hit you with the puppy dog look? So you supposed you would have to make do with whatever he may or may not have, and apologize to your skin tomorrow by giving it some extra care.

“I’ll stay,” you say with a faux exasperated sigh but Changbin is unphased by it, immediately beaming at you with pure happiness. “I’ll grab something for you, wait here,” he smiles as he turns quickly to his bedroom to search for suitable pajamas for you. You can't help but smile as well by his cute behavior; Changbin may look intimidating but he truly is a softie underneath it all. He was easily the most clingy man you’d ever met, and he had no shame in pouting or pulling a cute face to get a kiss or a smile from you. But you liked it, and after years of dating hard men who showed no affection or genuine kindness, you loved that he seemed to have it in droves and offered it freely.

“Here you go baby,” he says in his cheery tone, placing his selection carefully in your hands when he returns. “You go ahead and get changed, I’m gonna clean up in here first.” He said after giving you a quick peck on the lips, turning his attention to the dishes that mounted in the sink from your dinner with Hyunjin. You walk to his bathroom, and set his clothes down on the sink as you try to make a plan on how you can remove your makeup while doing minimal damage to your skin.

You feel like you’ve done a decent enough job with what you had at your disposal, and now that you feel content with your makeup removal, you decide it's time to change into the shirt that Changbin provided you. While you haven’t seen Changbin without a shirt before, anyone can tell just from a look that his muscles are big, so you hope that the shirt he provided you with will be loose enough to keep you comfortable tonight. Once it’s pulled over your head, you feel happy enough with the way it fits on you.

It wasn’t long enough to conceal your underwear by any means, and your curves are still obvious, but it’s not tight or restrictive at all, and you find yourself hoping that Changbin will like the way you look in it. Scooping up the dress you wore for dinner in your arms, you stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the living room where your bag was still resting on the couch. The light in the kitchen was off, the only illumination between the spaces being the night light plugged in next to his couch. Deciding that must mean Changbin was finished cleaning up and already in his bedroom, you swiftly shove your dress into your bag before picking it up to take with you into his room. The door to his bedroom was ajar, allowing light to filter into the hallway and confirming to you that's where he is. You knock carefully, deciding you shouldn’t just barge into his room if he is changing.

“You can come in!” You heard his voice call out, and so you pushed the door open further to step inside. As expected, Changbin had changed into his own selection of pajamas (a simple shirt and sweatpants) and was sitting at the foot of the bed with his tv remote in hand, shuffling through his selection of streaming services. Stepping in fully, you close his door behind you as you had learned from your nights together that was his preference when sleeping. You noticed him swallow after he turned his gaze to you, but didn’t allow his eyes to travel down to your legs. “Is the shirt comfortable enough? Do you need anything else? I have shorts and-”

“No, I’m comfortable, thank you Binnie,” you smile as you step towards the bed, placing your bag down next to the nightstand. You were sure that he wanted to look, but you strangely liked that he hadn’t. Changbin was always careful and respectful, and you were sure that as soon as he realized the shirt didn’t cover you fully, he made a conscious effort to keep his eyes on your face. Plus, he asked if you were comfortable without hesitation, which you appreciated and once again testified his chivalrous nature to you. His posture relaxed at your answer; his intention was for your body to be completely covered but as long as you were comfortable that was all that mattered to him.

“I can’t remember whose turn it is to pick tonight so I started looking just in case,” he explains, quickly moving on now that your comfort is assured to him. You and Changbin had made a habit of going back and forth picking things to watch on the nights you stayed together, a ritual that you had come to really look forward to. And you were fairly sure it was your turn to pick tonight, but since Changbin was so sweet and kind to you, you wanted to let him put on whatever might have caught his eye.

“It’s your turn,” you say as you settle onto his bed. “In that case, let's watch this!” he says with a smile as he quickly shuffles through a selection of animated movies and lands on Howl’s Moving Castle. “Hyunjin was obsessed with this movie when we were kids, we’d watch it all the time,” he says with a fond smile. You’ve seen it as well, but Changbin’s earnest joy to share a childhood film with you was incredibly sweet, so you feigned ignorance as he excitedly shared his memories with you. He continues talking even as he stands to turn off the light, and crawls his way into bed next to you.

You find his nostalgia trip heartwarming, and you listen to his tales with a soft smile, interjecting only if you have to. After getting under the blanket, he settles in against his headboard and opens his arm out for you to curl up against him as you always did. Keeping in line with your routine, you don't hesitate to get close and lay your head against his shoulder, letting his arm wrap around you comfortably. “Comfy, baby?” he asks after you’ve finished shuffling into your usual position, and you nod, assuring him that you’re ready for him to play the movie.

Time passes in comfortable silence, with the occasional small laugh coming from Changbin at Calcifer’s attitude. You, on the other hand, wanted to pay attention to the movie and enjoy it with him, but instead became lost in thought, not focusing at all on the scenes playing in front of you. Your mind had wandered back to what a future with Changbin would be like. Would this routine continue even years in the future? Would you cook dinner for each other after late nights, cuddle under blankets as you watched tv, talk about the mundane things in life over morning coffee? Would you still share soft kisses, hold each other's hand at every opportunity, text each other during work just to check in and say you missed each other?

You stopped hoping for a love like this a long time ago; the domesticity that comes with sharing your life with someone you love always feeling like a hopeless dream. Was it Changbin that awoke something deep inside you, or were your feelings always there but just pushed so deep you couldn't find them anymore, forgotten and left to rot? You’d never met someone so gentle and considerate until Changbin, and his care was laced in every interaction you had with him. Every word, every gesture, every look was so full of affection and tenderness that it left you reeling. How could someone like him exist?

Noticing you’ve been quieter than usual, Changbin turns his head to look at you, checking if you’ve already fallen asleep. “Are you still awake, love?” he whispers softly, moving his hand from your waist to rub careful circles on your arm. “Mm, sorry, I spaced out,” you answer, not sure if you're ready to tell him how badly you want to spend forever with him. You knew you loved him, it was obvious that love is what this unfamiliar feeling you were failing to push away was, but wasn't it too soon to say? You didn't want to scare him off by confessing something so deep after only having dated for a few months.

"Are you okay?" he asked with a frown, concern clearly showing in his eyes. He was pretty sure he hadn't said or done anything wrong, at least not on purpose, so he couldn't guess what could possibly be bothering you. You swallowed as you looked up at him. What were you supposed to say? 'I'm in love with you, I want to spend all my days with you, you're everything I've ever wanted.' There was absolutely no way you could say all that right now. It was too much and left you too vulnerable.

And then there was the matter of how this relationship even started. You were supposed to make Changbin trust you so could start leaking information to Chan; the entire foundation was built with the intent of deceiving him. You didn't think you could handle the heartbreak you'd feel if you lost him; your days with him were the safest and happiest you'd ever felt, and you were scared of losing it. And you were terrified of that truth being revealed to Changbin, dread settling in your gut when you thought about what kind of expression he'd have. Anger, resentment, disgust.. All possibilities you didn't want to see on him.

But it's not like you could simply open up about this. Sure, Chan was your brother and he wanted you to be happy, but could he really accept you being with the very officer that oversaw the arrest of Minho? Wouldn't that feel like a betrayal to him? Would he offer his blessing for you to be with someone who threatened the very existence of his life? You couldn't imagine a scenario where he'd ever be okay with such a thing. Even if he understood you couldn't help it, you knew he'd still be upset and want you to end your relationship with Changbin regardless of your feelings.

Everything was so complicated and there was no easy solution. No matter what choice was made, someone would be hurt, but you couldn't bear for that person to be Changbin. He didn't deserve it, he'd already been through so much pain, his healing process long and difficult. The thought of you making it worse when you were supposed to be the person helping him feel secure made your heart ache unbearably.

Before you could even realize it was happening, tears had welled in your eyes and began falling. Changbin's heart sank when he saw your tears, panic settling in as he carefully turned to cup your face in his hands. "Why are you crying baby? What's wrong?" He asked, voice soft as he wiped the tears away with his thumbs. What were you supposed to say? 'Our relationship is built on lies. My brother is the man you've been searching for for so long. I'm scared that you'll hate me for lying to you. I'm scared to be alone after knowing what real love feels like.' Your lip quivers as the thoughts cycle in your mind.

Anxiety is welling within Changbin, but he's trying to keep a calm exterior for your sake. He doesn't want to agitate whatever might be bothering you and make it worse, but he can't help the way his mind races through the possibilities. He'd never seen you like this before, and it felt so sudden that he didn't know what to do for you. Everything was fine before now, but maybe you were just good at disguising when something was wrong. Maybe he had upset you and you just pushed it aside until you couldn't any longer.

"I.." you start, trying your best to get anything out at this point. Changbin was being so gentle and patient with you, which only spurred on your intense emotions. His gaze was fixed on you, thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your skin and wiping away tears when they fell. Even with anxiety growing in him, he didn't push you. He waited for you to answer on your own time, whispering soothing words to you. "It's okay, everything's okay, I've got you," he'd say, doing his best to console you despite not knowing the cause for your tears.

"I love you," you say quietly, voice trembling as you wait for rejection. There's no way he'd return your feelings after such a short amount of time. Wasn’t 3 months too soon to fall in love with someone so entirely? There's no way he'd look at you right now and think this was normal. His rejection wouldn't be harsh, he was much too considerate to hurt you, but knowing he didn't feel the same would be enough to shatter you into pieces.

Changbin was completely stunned, brows furrowing in concern. "You're.. crying because you love me?" he asks, trying to wrap his head around your answer and understand why that would cause you to cry like this. He certainly didn't expect this to be the way he first hears that admission from your lips. He watches your expression carefully, trying to be patient and hear your thoughts without jumping to any conclusions or putting words in your mouth. "I.. I've never been with someone as good as you. You're so sweet to me and I'm scared you'll leave me," you say between shaky inhales and his heart aches in response. What had you been through before now to make you feel this?

"I'm not going to leave you, I begged you to be here, remember?" he said, hoping the memory of him cutely begging for you to stay with him tonight would help you feel better. He continues after you nod, moving his hands to your own to hold them. "I'm not ever going to leave you, okay? I promise." He squeezes your hands gently as your lip quivers again, eyes threatening to spill more tears as you look down at his hands grasping yours. It was so… bittersweet. You were comforted by his words, hearing them made you happy, but at the same time you knew it couldn't be true. If he learned the truth he'd hate you, he'd leave you, you were sure of it.

But you wanted to believe he wouldn't, wanted to believe in this promise. You wanted to believe you could have a future together, where every day was full of joy and love. Even if the rational part of your brain knew how impossible it was, you wanted nothing more than for that to be your reality. "Can you look at me?" he asks softly, and you take a deep breath before obliging, hands trembling as you once again meet his eyes. "I love you," he says and you suck in your breath, trying your best not to cry even harder than you already have been. "I love you," he repeats, keeping one hand wrapped around your own while the other returns to your face.

He kisses you as if you're made of glass, so careful that you almost don't register it. Was it possible for a heart to break and mend at the same time? To feel euphoric and devastated all at once? Rational and coherent thought leaves you now, being overtaken by your yearning for the man in front of you. He changes his hold on your hand, intertwining your fingers as he pulls away to read your expression.

"I don't know what you've been through before to make you cry like this, but I'm here for you now," he says softly, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your skin. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner and made you worry, but I'll repeat it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you." You look into his eyes, seeing for yourself the true depth of his words. You knew Changbin was careful and considerate toward you, but he also upheld truth above all else. He didn't say things he didn't mean; he was honest even to a fault. He always said the things he truly thought, regardless of what any consequence may be. You believed he wouldn't say something like this just to make you feel better.

So, to hear him say "I love you," it can only be true. You were both scarred from your pasts, you with abusive exes and relationships built on false pretenses with no genuine love to be had, and Changbin the sufferer of a devestating divorce, left alone by the only person he'd loved before now. Maybe fate brought you together because you were both desperately in need of something that wasn't obtainable before. Love, connection, understanding, belonging.. Foreign feelings that had rooted in you faster than you could even fathom.

"Kiss me again please," you say so quietly it's almost a whisper. You want the feeling of Changbin to consume you completely, this feeling of love and acceptance to encompass you in your entirety, to quell the torrential downpour of thoughts raging in your mind until he is all that is left. Changbin hears your request despite how softly you speak, and quickly moves to oblige you, squeezing the fingers intertwined with his as a gesture of comfort.

His lips against yours tune out the world around you, the movie playing in the background long since forgotten. His kisses are one after another, soft and gentle but still enough to leave you breathless. "I love you," he reminds you again between breaths and you don't hesitate to say it back each time, even with the way the air has dissipated from your lungs with each moment of his lips on yours.

When he finally stopped kissing you to allow you both to breathe, he rested his forehead against yours, looking straight at you once again. You thankfully had stopped crying, the crashing waves of anxiety you had felt moments ago receding with each of Changbin’s sweet touches and words. You knew they'd return, there was no escaping from your problems, but at least for some small amount of time you could lose yourself in this moment and forget about it all.

"You have no idea how much I adore you," Changbin tells you as he separates one of his hands from yours, reaching up to instead rub his thumb against your cheek. "Thank you, Binnie… I'm sorry for crying, I must've startled you.." you frown as you look at him, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable from your outpouring of emotions. "Don't be sorry lovey, it's okay.. All that matters to me is that you feel better," he says, still using his soft and gentle tone.

Separating your hand from his, you move to pull him into a tight hug, wrapping your arms around him as you bury your head into his shoulder. "You feeling okay now?" he asks as he wraps his own arm around your waist, and you nod against his neck, telling him that you just want to be close to him. He smiles, finding the sudden clinginess endearing. It's usually him being the overly touchy and clingy one of the two of you. "Let's get more comfy then," he says as he uses the strength of his arms to pull you into his lap before he shifts to let his back rest against the headboard of the bed, your legs on either side of him.

One arm stays firmly wrapped around you, while the other travels up and down your back, ensuring that you feel comfortable and relaxed. The movie is nearing its conclusion now, but neither of you are focused on it. You are locked in your feelings of serene comfort, of a love that you'd felt was not meant for you, the way Changbin so carefully put you back together when you were falling apart. It meant everything to you, in ways you felt no words could express. Changbin meanwhile was observing you carefully for any changes in your demeanor or breathing, just wanting to ensure he was there for you for any and every thing.

"Binnie.." you breathe out as you sit up to look at him once more. "Yes, love?" he implores, eyes full of curiosity but also patience. He won't rush you to get anything out, giving you the time to prepare yourself to say the things that are in your head, ensuring things are always at your own pace. "I want you," you say after a breath, face heating up a bit at the admission, hoping he understands the implication of your statement.

While you are certainly no stranger to sex, you are a stranger to intimacy. The vulnerability of offering yourself up to someone, showing them all that you are and all that you have. You've never exposed yourself to someone in such a raw way, poured out feelings so intensely and honestly. You loved him, and you wanted him in any and every way he would have you. You wanted that feeling of making love that always eluded you, the feeling of trust and care that comes with being in the hands of someone who loves you, truly loves you, and wants you as much as you want them.

"You have me," he says, bringing his face closer to you, "I'm yours." Your face burns further at his confession, shivers running down your spine as your lips meet once again. Your heart pounds in your chest as you leaned into the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck. You lost track of the amount of time you spent with your lips on his, the intensity building as each kiss became more heated than the last.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach when you felt his tongue against your lips for the first time, as if you had never experienced such a thing before now. You part your lips for him, allowing his tongue to slip inside your mouth. His tongue moves in languid circles around your own, relishing in the taste and feeling of you.

You're the first to pull away to breathe properly, looking at Changbin with a flushed face, and God, is he pretty like this. He's nearly as breathless as you, dark curly hair disheveled from your fingers absentmindedly running through it, looking at you with a look you've never seen on him before. Yearning? Desire? "You're so beautiful, you know that?" he says as he moves one of his arms to touch your face again, cupping it in his hand. "My pretty girl."

It had to be impossible for your face to get any hotter than this, you thought. Sure, you could put together that Changbin was attracted to you, but to hear him say it like this was.. different. You weren't used to this side of him yet– the side that would shower you in love and praise while looking at you with such a lust filled gaze. "I…" you swallow, trying to squash down the shyness bubbling within you. Was it normal to feel like this the first time with someone you love? You wouldn't really know.

"I want to.. Can you touch me..?" you finally manage to get out, despite the nervousness settling over you. "As long as you’re sure," he says, hands moving to rest on your hips as he observes your face carefully. You've had your fair share of make out sessions as your relationship progressed further, but the two of you never took it any further than that. Truthfully, he wants nothing more than to feel you under his palms, but he hadn't yet because he wanted to take things slow and treat you right, and now it was apparent that you were going through so much internally.. The last thing Changbin wanted to do was take advantage while you were emotionally vulnerable.

"I'm sure," you nod without hesitation. You were attracted to him from the day you met him, and the more you learned about him, the more you grew to fall in love with him, little by little. You loved him. You trusted him. And yes, this foreign experience did leave you shyer and more vulnerable than you ever felt, but you wanted him more than you ever wanted anyone. Changbin can see the certainty clear in your eyes, and he smiles slightly, gripping your hips a little firmer than before. "Just.. tell me if you change your mind, okay?"

"I will," you promise him, though you were certain you wouldn't be changing your mind. Changbin's care and consideration for you only made him more desirable in your eyes, and assured you that trusting him would never be something you'd regret. Changbin leans up to meet you, pressing his lips to yours once more, squeezing the meat of your hips in his hands. You part your lips when you feel his tongue against you again, allowing it to lick against your own until his hands reach the hem of the borrowed t-shirt.

"Is it okay to take it off?" he asks, and you quickly give your approval, lifting your arms so he can pull it over your head effectively. He stares at your topless form shamelessly, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. "Fuck, you're so beautiful," he says lowly, but you barely have time to react before his lips are on yours again, needy and eager. Changbin's thumbs rub over your nipples, causing you to shudder and mewl into his mouth.

Your body is sensitive from lack of touch and you feel as if you're becoming dizzy from the way his fingers rub and gently pinch your nipples as his tongue stays in your mouth, never separating from your own for more than a second. You're both breathing heavily by the time he pulls away from you, the longing in his eyes clear as he looks at you, giving you butterflies.

Changbin takes your hands suddenly, placing them on his own chest. "You can touch me too. Anywhere you want," he says, watching as your face heats up in response, "I'm all yours." You swallow as you nod, the thought of touching him intimately making your heart accelerate. He had never seen you blush like this before, and he found this new shy side to you incredibly endearing, especially knowing it was all for him. Your hands tremble slightly in anticipation as you reach for the hem of his own shirt. Changbin raises his arms without you even having to say anything, and it is quickly discarded to the floor.

It's Changbin's turn to feel a newfound shyness as your eyes roam the expanse of his torso. While his body is definitely good, he doesn't make a habit of showing it to just anyone; it's something reserved only for moments like this, to be viewed only by someone he's comfortable with and trusts. As you expected, he had an incredible amount of muscle built up, and you let your hands travel up his stomach, over his chest, down the length of his arms, taking it all in. Some areas of his skin held scars, from wounds you assumed he got from his time on the force, and you glided over them gently, treating them with care. "You're amazing," you tell him when you look back up to his face, and he smiles, the cute kind you've grown to love so much.

"Not any more so than you," he responds, turning your compliment back to you. You smile back at him, pink dusting both your faces as you pull him into another kiss. You keep it brief this time, instead opting to move down to his neck. You feel Changbin tense underneath you as your lips touch his skin, leaving sweet kisses before latching to a spot and sucking. The soft groan that leaves his mouth goes straight to your core, and you can immediately tell it's something you'll become addicted to hearing.

His hands are on your hips again, squeezing every time you get another groan out of him. Feeling his cock hard against you, you grind down on it experimentally, and Changbin sucks in a breath, fingers digging into your plush skin at the contact. "Fuck," he mutters under his breath, head lolling back as you continue to rub yourself against him. You separate from his neck, looking at his face as you grind down against him.

His eyes are closed, brows furrowed in pleasure and lips parted, sharp breaths leaving him with each roll of your hips. "Binnie," you call to him, and he quickly moves his head up right, opening his eyes to look at you. You stop your movements, instead dipping your hand in his waistband to feel his cock with your own hand as you capture his lips with another kiss. It’s thick in your hand, so much so that you almost can't wrap the entirety of your hand around it.

He hisses at the contact, body shuddering as you run your thumb over the tip and smear the pre-cum gathering there. Just as he had done to you, you lick at his lips, swallowing his groans as your hand runs up and down his length. Your free hand rests on his chest, helping to keep you stable as you enclose your fist around his cock, pumping it at a steady pace. Changbin makes no effort to quiet himself or hold back, and you love it. He's vocal, letting you hear for yourself how good you're making him feel, arousal building more and more within you for every new noise you earn from him.

He breaks away from the kiss, looking down to watch your hand work him. “God-” he groans, unconsciously bucking his hips up to meet your fist. He forgot what the feeling of having someone else’s hand on him was like, and you were good; way too good. He would undoubtedly cum if he let you keep going, and he didn’t want that to happen before he got the chance to please you.

"W-Wait," he manages to say, chest heaving as he tries to steady his heavy breaths. You quickly retract your hand, worry clear on your face as you look at him. Did you do something wrong? Move faster than he was ready for? Changbin can easily spot the worry growing on your expression and he quickly moves a hand to your face, rubbing gently as he had done earlier to comfort you. "Don't worry baby, it felt really good. But I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you."

You flush at his words, stomach flipping in anticipation as you await his next move. "Is it still okay to touch you?" he asks, hands remaining in place until you give him your okay. "Yes.. please," you say and Changbin smiles before he gives you another quick kiss. He reaches a hand between your legs, rubbing over your underwear and feeling the way the arousal that built up soaks through it. "Oh God," he groans at the proof of your excitement, and heat flashes over you in response. You bury your head into his shoulder, whining as embarrassment overtakes you. Changbin chuckles softly at your reaction, finding you incredibly cute like this.

"Tell me to stop at any time if it's too much," he whispers to you softly; no matter how turned on he is or how much he enjoys this new side of you, it doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable and not enjoying it with him. "I'm going to put my hand in now," he tells you, pausing for a moment in case you want to tell him to wait. Getting no protests, he slips his hand into your underwear, rubbing between your folds carefully to start with.

"Tell me what you like,” Changbin says, his first touch of your clit being feather light and almost cautious, “What makes you feel good?" He looks at you attentively as he waits for your answer, trying his best not to smile from the bashful expression on your face. Of course he would ask you that, it’s Changbin. He’s earnest, considerate, and thoughtful; everyone is different and he knows that, so he wants to hear what you like straight from you instead of risking fumbling around until he finds what you like through chance. Besides all of that, he has to admit that hearing you tell him what you like yourself makes the moment all the more erotic for him. How can he skip over the opportunity to make his normally confident girlfriend a shy, blushing puddle?

You want to answer him right away, but between his gaze at your face and the way his finger rubs easily over your clit, your brain feels muddled. The way your mouth slightly opens and closes in an attempt to get something out as your face heats up for the umpteenth time doesn’t go unnoticed, so Changbin smiles softly as he whispers encouragement to you. "You can do it, love. Tell me what you like."

“A-A bit harder,” you manage to mutter, and Changbin wastes no time to do as you ask. “Like this?” he inquires as he applies more pressure, watching you closely to gauge your reaction as he does. The way your hands grip at his shoulders tighter as your head slumps forward with a soft moan emitting from you tells him that he’s on the right track at the very least. “Is that good?” he asks, gently brushing the hair that fell in front of your face behind your ear so he can see you clearly.

You nod, teeth sinking into your bottom lip as a whimper escapes you. Changbin smiles, and if you were looking at his face you would clearly see the expression of soft satisfaction on him. Not smug by any means, just simply happy to see you enjoying this as much as he is. “Can you lean back for me?” Your brows furrow, a little confused by his request, but you oblige him, leaning back and resting your palms behind you and against his legs for support.

Changbin thanks you before leaning himself forward, making the intention of his request clear by attaching his lips to your neck in the same way you had done to him. He wanted to mirror the attention you gave him, to make you feel as good as you made him feel in any way he could. His free hand travels to your breast, giving a few gentle squeezes before he begins to rub your nipple between his thumb and finger. The pleasure is almost overwhelming, your body not used to this kind of attention being given to it, that it leaves you a whining and shuddering mess on top of him.

His teeth sink gently into the skin connecting your neck with your shoulder, not enough to leave a mark just yet, but enough for you to feel it. The contrast between his sharp teeth and gentle licks and kisses lights a fire in you, the desire that was once a small kindling becoming a much larger, fiercer blaze. You want more, you want him, you want, want, want. He leaves a trail of red on your skin, licking the spots his teeth sink in, peppering them with kisses, and repeating on each new patch of skin he reaches.

Changbin figures he should probably stop before he marks your neck; you do work an office job after all. So he pulls away, instead opting to sink his head lower. He plants soft kisses on the nipple that wasn't receiving attention from his fingers, before letting his tongue run over it. You gasp at the feeling of his tongue on you, and cast your gaze down to look at him. His eyes are locked on yours as you watch his tongue draw circles on your nipple before enclosing his mouth around it. The view alone felt like enough to drive you crazy; it was just so.. hot, for lack of a better word.

Your hands reach to tangle into his hair, and he groans at each soft tug, encouraging him to keep building the pace and pressure of his fingers on your clit. You're not sure how much time the both of you spent like this; all you can really comprehend is how good it feels, and that you're nearly breathless when he pulls away from your body. "Do you want more?" he asks you, trying not to give away how eager he actually is in case you don't want that. "Yes, yes, please," you answer quickly, too far gone to be embarrassed by your eagerness, and Changbin smiles as he pulls his hand out of your underwear. "Lay down for me please?"

You comply with his request, carefully moving yourself off his lap and laying your head against his pillows. Your body trembles in anticipation as he moves himself between your legs, his expression as lust filled as it is soft. His fingers hook into the hem of your underwear, but rather than pulling them down right away, he glances at you once more. "I want to take them off you now, is that okay?"

"Yes," you assure him, voice soft but sure, and you lift your legs up to make it easier for him. Changbin beams at you once more before he carefully moves your underwear down your legs, tossing them to the side afterwards. He leans down to kiss you, his hand running down the soft expanse of body to reach your core. He rubs between your folds for a few moments, allowing his fingers to get wet before he slips one inside slowly. You whine into his mouth at the insertion, and Changbin begins to pump shallowly, prepping you to take another finger.

A whimper escapes you as his second finger enters you and he pulls away from your mouth to look down at you. "You're so beautiful," Changbin whispers to you as he takes in everything with his eyes. Everything about you is perfect to him, top to bottom, ethereal in every single way. And the fact that you love him, that you want him, that he gets to do this with you… He wants to show you much you mean to him with every word and every action. He'll never leave you questioning ever again, never make you doubt your worth or his love. He's so insanely infatuated by you, and he'd never forgive himself if he made you feel unloved and unappreciated.

He took things slow at first because he needed to. Losing someone he loved because of his own mistakes was something he never wanted to feel again. He didn't want to be heartbroken and he didn't want to lose you; he wanted to show you he could treat you right if you gave him that chance. So with that in mind he made a conscious effort to be a gentleman, to move at your pace and to respect anything you may or may not want. He gave you his undivided love and attention, he made sure to always express earnestly how much he liked you. And when he realized he was falling in love with you, he knew he had to be better than the person he once was, now more than ever.

If he wanted just sex or a shallow connection he could get that anywhere. What he wanted was love, real love. A person who'd cherish him as much as he did them, who would listen to him, indulge him in his needs, who'd care for him on his bad days, and he'd give it all back to that person in return. After many failed first dates, or time spent getting to know someone only to realize they weren't compatible, he'd nearly given up hope. So when Jeongin suggested a blind date with you, he thought there was nothing to lose by giving it a shot. He didn't expect for it to go so well, to become addicted to your smile and your voice, to crave your presence any time he was home, to want to shower you with affection and be showered with it in return.

The way you're looking up at him now, entrusting yourself to him, wanting him.. It makes him happier than words can even express. "You're perfect.. so perfect," Changbin continues, watching as your face heats up from his doting. He's always complimented you, but he understands how different it must feel for you right now. To be showered with affection and love while exposed, while vulnerable, while portraying your authentic self both emotionally and physically.. The way you opened up to him, the way you cried for him, the way you expressed your love for him.. He knew he could never hurt you the way others have. He wanted to take your heart in his hands and cradle it, protect it. To have you was a gift he'd cherish, and he wanted to make sure you knew how much you meant to him. "I love you."

You barely have time to respond before he kisses you, beginning to move his fingers inside you in earnest. Changbin starts slow, making sure you're well adjusted and comfortable before he picks up his pace. Your breathing goes uneven when he starts to pump his fingers fast, his fingers inside up to the knuckles. You let out a loud gasp when he curls his fingers, hitting your spot expertly. "Does it feel good baby?" He asks as he hits your spot over and over again, making you feel dizzy with pleasure. You nod your head quickly at Changbin's question, feeling like trying to conjure words right now is beyond your capabilities.

"You look so beautiful, feeling so good for me, so perfect," he continues, chuckling softly as you whine in response, trying to resist the urge to look away from him or cover your face in embarrassment. He realizes he's just repeating himself at this point, but your reactions to his praise make it too enjoyable to resist doing.

"You're so cute," he continues, placing soft kisses against your skin as he moves himself to rest between your legs. Changbin pauses the movement of his fingers as he gets comfortable, waiting for you to lift your head to look at him before he continues. You almost feel like you could pass out; his dark eyes boring into yours, his curly disheveled hair sticking to his skin as sweat forms on his brow, a slight smile evident and complimenting his features.. It's overwhelming in the best way possible.

"I want to do more for you, wanna taste you. Can I?" He asks, the contrast between the soft smile and the lewd request leaving you reeling. "O-Oh, please," you answer eagerly, practically begging for Changbin to do anything and everything he wants to you. The heat on your face is still apparent but your shyness has become increasingly overridden by need and desperation. You know he'll put all he has into pleasing you, and you want it, crave it.

You almost miss the way his eyes glint in excitement before he lowers his head, not wasting any time at using his tongue against your clit. "Oh my god-" you let out a shaky moan, head falling back against the pillows and body shuddering. His tongue moves in expertly practiced circles, lips enclosing around it as he resumes the thrusting of his fingers. His pace is fast but accurate, hitting your spot over and over as his tongue laps at you.

You're almost embarrassed by how close you're getting so quickly, whining and moaning repeatedly as your body trembles beneath him. The noises emitting from you are everything to Changbin, soft and sweet just like you, addicting and laced with honey. Your hips are rolling against him, fingers tangled in his hair, each tug eliciting a groan from him that makes the stimulation on your clit even more intense. "S-So clo-close," you manage to gasp out, toes curling as you quickly approach your high.

As much as Changbin would love to whisper praises and encouragement as you cum, he doesn't want you to lose the built up momentum by pulling away from you to talk. Instead, he hums in acknowledgement, keeping his rhythm steady as he awaits your release. Your climax hits you hard, back arching as the intense feeling of relief overtakes you. Your entire body is tingling, mind being numbed by pleasure as your thighs enclose around his head.

Even as you clench tightly around his fingers, he keeps the pace the same, helping you ride out your high until he feels you start to squirm away in overstimulation. He sits up when your thighs relax and fall back against the bed, looking at you with a mix of endearment and satisfaction. You're completely breathless, chest heaving and face flushed, sweat clinging to you and leaving a sheen he can only describe as ethereal. Your beauty is beyond any tangible words he can conjure, but he'll try his best to express it to you, to make you understand how perfect you are to him.

"You did so well for me, baby," he tells you as he slides his fingers out of you, watching you intently as he brings them to his mouth. You swallow as you watch Changbin lick them clean, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the way he maintains eye contact with you through it. "My pretty girl tastes so good too," he says as he crawls back up your body, "So perfect for me."

"Changbin," you whine with a small pout, and he chuckles as he looks at you fondly, gently brushing the hair clinging to your forehead away. "It's true, you're so perfect. My perfect girl," he smiles as he places a kiss on your temple, then your cheeks, and finally your lips. "You know that, right? You're so pretty," Changbin whispers to you, running his fingers through your hair passively as he looks down at you.

"Are you trying to make me shy on purpose?" you ask and he laughs, shaking his head. It must be payback for how he felt over dinner. "I'm just speaking my mind! How cute your reactions are is just a bonus." He kisses you again, pulling you closer to his body as he does. He wraps his arms around you in a hug, pressing your bodies together, and you can feel his erection pressing against your thighs.

"Do you.. want to keep going..?" you pull away from his kisses to ask. "Mm, I'd love that, but do you want to?" Changbin would be overjoyed to continue, but he didn't want to assume. If you decided this was enough excitement for you for one night, then he'd accept that, no questions asked. He had all the time in the world with you, and there was no need to rush, nor did he want you to feel pressured.

"Yes, I want to," you assure him. You knew you wanted to from the start, to feel him wholly and be consumed by the love and trust you have for him. Your mind was full of him, and you wanted your body to be the same.

“Would you like me to use a condom?” Changbin asks, motioning towards the bedside drawer where he keeps them. He knows from your time together that you’re on birth control and that you’d be safe if he didn’t use one, but he wouldn't make any assumptions about what you’d be comfortable with. To be with someone without protection required so much trust and love; it was intimate and not something to be taken lightly.

There is a small moment of hesitation, not because you have to think about it– no, you know for a fact you want him inside you raw, but how do you say that to his face without feeling like you’re going to combust on the spot? The romantic inside you reasons that you want to feel him with no barriers because you love him, you want to be close to him and give yourself completely to him, while the desperately horny part is full to the brim with the thought of Changbin’s cum shooting inside you.

Changbin watches you patiently despite the way his body is screaming in desperation to feel you. He wants you so badly, almost carnally, but he’ll hold back as long as you need him to, be composed and accommodating for as long as necessary. His heart nearly skips when you finally speak, the anticipation being held by the thinnest of strings, but he’ll be happy no matter what your answer is. Changbin just wants you, that’s all he knows and all that matters.

“Don’t use one, don’t want you to,” your voice is soft and timid, almost a whisper, but Changbin hears it loud and clear. He’s so focused on you, attuned to you, that he can’t miss it. His heart quickens as he nods, rendered speechless in what was likely the only time he ever would be. He leans down to kiss you once more, so overtaken by love and excitement that he really can’t help himself.

His heart races once he's lined himself up at your entrance, but he pauses when he looks at your face, painted with a nervous expression that he can't ignore. "What's wrong? Did you change your mind?" Changbin's expression shifts to concern as he looks down at you, but you quickly shake your head, trying to dispel any worry from him.

"N-No, I still want to! I just.. I've never… with someone I love, I mean." You tell him, voice slightly trembling from your admission. There was a time in your past, your first time, where you thought you knew what love was, what it meant and what it felt like. But you were so young then, and anything you felt then paled in comparison to what you felt now with Changbin.

"Y/N.." Changbin breathes, using your name for the first time all evening. His expression is one of genuine care for you, his eyes soft and full of affection as he gently moves his hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. "I'll take care of you, I promise."

Those men before you who were cruel to you, who didn't treat you with the love and reverence you deserved, who didn't appreciate your beauty and kindness.. They were so fucking stupid. He would never make that mistake. He'd do anything for you, love you with all he has and all he is, care for you until the end of his days. That's his promise to you.

"I know, Binnie. I trust you." You bring a hand up to his face, making sure his eyes are locked on yours as you continue. "Make love to me, please." Changbin’s heart erupts in his chest, the sound of those words falling from your lips strengthening his resolve to be the best he possibly can be for you. He kisses you softly, squeezing your hand in comfort as his length slowly pushes into you. The stretch stings, but the choked groan Changbin makes is more than enough to make you ignore the discomfort. Changbin stills when his hips are flush with yours, letting you get used to the stretch while continuing to squeeze your hand and pepper your face with gentle kisses.

“Feeling okay, love?” he asks as he pulls away to check in with you. Tears poke the corners of your eyes, though from pain or emotion he cannot tell. You look up at him, feeling breathless at the sight of him. The way he looks at you, so full of love and compassion, is unlike anything you’ve experienced with anyone else. “More than okay,” you answer with a soft smile that helps to ease his concern for you, “want you to move.”

Changbin starts slow, making sure you’re well adjusted before he thrusts in earnest. It doesn’t take him long to figure out the pace and angle that’ll make you see stars, his earlier doting on you with his fingers having prepared him for this moment. It’s almost too much, your body feeling like a live wire. His free hand travels down to your leg, moving it up and hooking it into his arm to allow himself to sink deeper inside you.

“Fuck, so good, feels so good,” Changbin babbles against your skin, fingers sinking into the flesh of your thigh, letting his nails mark your skin with small crescent moons. He wants to be attentive, wants to care for you properly and make sure he’s pleasing you, but he’s losing composure much faster than he thought he would.

Changbin’s overwhelming lust for you was held in check by a cracked dam, and the more he felt you squeezing around him, the larger the cracks grew. The break is imminent, a tsunami threatening to overtake him at any moment. But he’ll do his best for you until then, make you feel good and loved and happy until restraint leaves him and his high consumes him.

“Love you so much, want you to cum for me again,” he breathes out before he captures your lips in another kiss. Your kisses are much less romantic than before, having devolved into a mess of tongue and teeth, moans and whines being devoured in the shared breath between you. “You’ll cum for me again, right pretty? Want you to so bad, please, want it,” Changbin all but begs, and fuck, does that do something to you.

He starts to separate his hand from yours with the intent to give more attention to your clit, but you squeeze it firmly, not wanting to let him away from you. Instead, you let your opposite hand sink down to give yourself the stimulation you need, making Changbin groan as his eyes follow your movements. There was something about the way you needed more but weren’t willing to let go of his hand for it that made his heart, and cock, swell.

He stutters out all the praises he can, telling you how good you are, how beautiful, how soft and warm and perfect. “Kiss, please, want a kiss,” you whine out as your high looms closer, and he obliges in an instant, greedily swallowing the loud salacious moans coming from you. Your entire body tenses, like a pulled string on the verge of snapping, and Changbin’s hips stutter in response, sloppily chasing his orgasm with you.

Is it supposed to be this euphoric? To be all encompassing, to consume you completely until there was nothing left but this feeling? The love and pleasure you feel is overwhelming, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel the taut string finally snap. You squeeze his hand once more, grounding yourself as your orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave. Changbin follows you almost instantly, fucking you through your shared highs and whining into your mouth until overstimulation takes hold of him.

His arm unhooks your leg, letting it fall limp to the bed as he lies on top of you, breathless and spent. Despite the exhaustion slowly creeping in, he does his best not to let his body weight crush you underneath him. You’re equally as breathless, mind and body buzzing in a post orgasm haze. His head rests against your shoulder, eyes closing as he collects himself. Your arms wrap around him, keeping him in a close embrace that Changbin finds both endearing and soothing. A content sigh escapes him as he listens to your breathing soften, a gentle calm that beckons him to fall asleep.

But despite how his body screams at him for rest, he wants to take care of you first. So, he lifts his head, giving you a small kiss as he lets his softening length slip out of you. “Let’s clean you up,” Changbin says as he wraps his arms around you, picking you up from the bed effortlessly. You can't help but squeak in surprise, wrapping your arms around his neck for support as he walks to the bathroom. You always thought you weighed too much to be princess carried by anyone, but if anyone was going to prove you wrong, it would be Changbin. He sets you down on the counter carefully before he reaches behind you to wet a cloth. He wipes between your legs carefully, making sure there is no discomfort or sting as he does.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he says softly as his hand travels over the nail indentations left behind on your thigh. “I didn’t even feel it,” you admit as your eyes follow the path his hand travels. You were so lost in everything else Changbin was making you feel that the usual tinge of pain you’d feel from nails digging in your skin didn’t even register. Besides that, part of you had to admit that you kind of liked it; it was proof of your time together, and having his mark etched on your skin was both comforting and exciting.

You look up at his face to still see a subtle expression of concern, so you reach your hand out to his face, beckoning him to look at you. “You can mark me more if you’d like. I want to be reminded of where you touched me.” Changbin blinks for a moment, dick unceremoniously twitching before a smile spreads across his features. “Yeah? Want everyone to know you’re mine?”

You nod with a smile of your own, and God, if his body wasn’t screaming at him to sleep he’d make you fall apart under him again, right here and now. “I’ll make sure I mark you up good next time then, lovey.” He takes a step back, tossing the soiled wash rag into the laundry bin and letting you use the bathroom as he washes his hands.

When you’re done, he scoops you back up in his arms, a small protest leaving your lips. You insisted that you were fine, could walk on your own, but the slightest wobble of your legs was all Changbin needed to see to decide you needed to be escorted back to bed. He sets you down carefully before crawling in next to you, his arms wasting no time to wrap around you and keep you close.

You sigh softly, head burrowing into the crook of his neck as you relax in his embrace. It’s a serenity you’ve never experienced before, being in his arms like this after sharing such an intimate moment together. For the first time in years, you had someone that made you feel safe, loved, and protected. It doesn’t take long for Changbin to fall asleep, and you watch him for a few moments, listening to the soft sound of his measured breathing. You don't know what you'll do in the future, what will happen when you have to make a confession to your brother about what Changbin means to you, but there is one thing you do know, and that is that Changbin will never be the person you turn away from.

To say Changbin is exhausted when he returns to work on Monday would be an understatement. But it was a good kind of exhausted; the kind you’d feel after completing a marathon or climbing a mountain, he imagines. He’s never been so happy to be tired in his entire life, he thinks. Even as the caffeine from his copious amounts of coffee leaves his system, his joy carries him through the work day.

The Saturday night he spent with you after having dinner with Hyunjin made him elated beyond words. The closeness and sensuality of your evening was something he’d be craving for so long. He missed the feeling of mutual love, of intimacy and closeness with someone else. And you were so perfect, so lovely and stunning in both mind and body, that he felt lucky to be loved by you.

He took you once more the following Sunday, whispering sweet nothings to you as his hands touched and squeezed any part of your body they could reach. You showered together, spent the afternoon cuddling on the sofa while watching movies until he ordered dinner. He (begrudgingly) let you leave back to your apartment as the sun began to sink further in the horizon, though he made you promise you’d be back later in the week.

When he went to bed a little while later, all he could think about was how it felt having you next to him, wrapped in his arms with a loving and serene expression. He missed you, of course he missed you, and somehow it made a smile stretch across his face. How long had it been since he felt like this? Giddy with love, always thinking about the other person, craving their presence for just a few moments longer every moment until eventually you can’t imagine your life without them always near you.

Changbin wanted that with you, wanted a future where you are always with him. To wake up to you next to him every morning and cuddle in bed with you every night. He thought about taking you on surprise dates, spoiling you with delicious meals and nights out in the city. He imagined you waiting at home for him after a draining work day and how your presence would allow it to all melt away. You’d plant soothing kisses against his skin as you help him into the warm bath, letting him unwind while you took care of him, and he’d do the same for you gladly. You’d take care of him, be sweet and loving to him, and he’d do the same for you without question. Anything you wanted, anything you needed that he could offer, he would. Because he loves you, and you love him, and that’s all he needs to be happy.

And it didn’t take long for that inward joy to spread to his outside features; Changbin is a bit of an open book when it comes to love and affection after all. Jeongin had texted you that same morning, asking what on earth you did to make Changbin appear so elated, and it made you giggle as you imagined how his coworkers must’ve felt seeing their normally stoic and serious Chief being so delighted that he couldn’t hide it.

It was no secret to Jeongin that whatever you were doing with Changbin was real on your end. He’s watched you suffer through enough pretending and agony to know what genuine happiness looks like on your features. On the days you come to pick up Jeongin to spend time with after work, your face always lights up when Changbin waves to you. The small giggle you let out when Changbin checks around himself to make sure no one is looking before he blows you a kiss is one Jeongin has rarely ever heard.

The both of you are so obviously in love that Jeongin would almost be sick if he wasn’t so relieved to see you smiling like that again. As far as he remembers, the last time he saw such a genuine and bashful smile on you was when you were still kids, untainted by the ugliness of the world and its harsh realities. He was aware of the tumultuous life you led and the mental toll it took on you, so to see you happier these days was priceless to him. But he also knew what you led you here, what you would eventually have to do, and that made him scared for you. He didn't want to see you lose the happiness you attained after so long.

“When are you going to talk to Chan-hyung?” Jeongin asked during one of his visits to your apartment, weeks later. You freeze, and he almost feels bad for asking as he watches the way your expression changes into one of dread. But it's not something he can avoid asking; he needs to hear your answer. He needs to know if you have a plan and what it entails. He wants to help you. "I.. don't know," you answer honestly after a moment. You spent a lot of time agonizing over it, what you should do and what you should say, but nothing ever seemed right.

The outcome you hoped for, where your brother didn't hate you and your life with Changbin is untainted and perfect, seemed so impossible. You forget for a while, when Changbin sweetly holds you in his arms and reminds you how much he loves you, but the dread always returns. You sit in your apartment, alone and afraid for the future every single day. You don't want to lose what you have, don't want to feel the absence of those you love, but maybe that's what is meant for you.

Maybe that's what you deserve after spending your adulthood the way you have. Do the people who lie and hurt others willingly deserve happiness? Even though it's never what you wanted, even though you felt like you had no choice, did it taint you irrevocably? Did the universe care that you were trying to change your life, did your apologies even matter? Maybe your mistakes doomed you to a miserable fate long before you could even understand the implications of them.

"I'd help you, you know," Jeongin reminds you, and you try your best to thank him with a smile. Chan may be like his brother, but you're his sister just as much, and he'd always help you if he could. He didn't want you to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of someone else, you deserved to have something good after all this time. You usually try to hide your feelings, not wanting to burden the boy you consider your little brother with your troubles. But you're not kids anymore, and Jeongin isn't blind- he can easily tell when you're distressed, and he can help you if you let him. At least, that's how he feels.

"I know Innie, and I appreciate it, I just.. I'm scared, I guess," you say after some time. "Chan-hyung won't hate you. He might be upset, but he won't ever hate you," he responds, and you let out a shaky breath. He won't, right? You're his sister, he loves you, he's supported you before in your choices so it won't change now, right?

"I don't know what to say to him.. Every time I try to find the words, I feel like I'm stuck. Like everything is lodged in my throat and I can't speak no matter how much I want to," your lip quivers as you try to hold back the tears while you speak. You've thought about this so many times, over and over again, and it hurts . And you don't want to cry, you do enough of that on your own in the privacy of your bedroom, but the tears still threaten to pour out of you despite it.

"You don't.. have to admit you love Changbin necessarily? Just remind him you left for a reason and that coming back to it has been bad for you. Tell him that you tried your best for him but you can't do it anymore. I think he'll understand." You swallow and nod as you listen to his advice. "And you know I support you, right? And I like Changbin, I think he's an amazing guy. I want you to stay with him."

"Really, you do? You're not mad at him over.. you know, family stuff?" you ask, suddenly perking up a bit. "Yeah, well, I.." Jeongin hesitates for a moment. He has his own feelings he's been trying to work out, but if you're going to share with him then he should share with you too. If you're going to be brave and face what is hard for you, then so should he. "I have my doubts about.. staying in the family lately." He finally admits for the first time. He still remembers the day he was officially initiated in, how you congratulated him earnestly even though you were concerned for him.

Before that day, you always told him he had a choice. He didn't have to join you, he didn't have to be involved in any of the terrible things that this life often entails. Jeongin could always tell you cared about him and wanted him safe above all else, but you still accepted his decision even when it saddened you. You only ever looked out for him, wanted better for him, but he joined anyway because he thought it was the best way to stay with the people he loved most. You and Chan were his real family in his eyes, he didn't care about blood relation or who his parents were, he just wanted to go hand in hand with his siblings. Wherever the two of you went, he would follow- that's what he decided back then.

But he saw what it did to you. You always wore a brave face of course, but he wasn't oblivious to your pain. And he met good people over the years, especially in his new environment on the force with Changbin. Similarly to you, he met people he didn't want to hurt or betray. It made him question what he knew and what he felt until now, and if he had really made the right decision those years ago when he turned 18. Maybe it was naive, but there was a part of him that hoped he could one day become a genuine member of the police. His current credentials were falsified of course, but maybe when he left the family he could make them real. Move out of the city, settle somewhere small and attend the academy there, rise his way up earnestly until one day he could meet the friends he made in Seoul as a true version of himself.

He never seriously considered it before now because he felt like that's not what his father wanted for him. His father was unyieldingly loyal to your own, he always emphasized the importance of dedicating his all to the prosperity of the family. Jeongin always felt like he should follow that example, and for the majority of his life he was glad to. But as time went on and he got older and more experienced in life, he realized more and more how his view of things were warped. The teenage version of himself who idolized this life was understandably naive- there was no way for him to truly grasp or understand what he was getting into back then.

There was a part of Jeongin that felt guilty whenever he thought about leaving. Until his death, his father raised him to uphold the values of the mafia, and he trusted that Jeongin would make him proud. He changed a lot over the years though, and for a lot of different reasons. The difficult reality was part of it, but so were you and Changbin. Even before you met the Chief, your life was already improved so much by leaving. You loved your new life, your apartment and your job. Your new normal was peaceful, you were healing, and Jeongin was so happy for you.

He didn't realize he wanted the same thing right away. It happened in steps; a hard loss here, an exhausting day there, that began to leave him weary. At first he thought it was just the exhaustion anyone would feel- after all, no one enjoys being stressed out or hurting others. It was normal to want a break, or to spend some time away. There was nothing unusual about that, so he took it in stride, trusting that it would pass once things began to look up (if they ever did.)

But whenever he saw your vibrant smile that was so different from the forced one you used to wear, the way your eyes sparkled and your voice lifted whenever you saw or talked with Changbin, and how the real you, the one he knew as a kid that was so bubbly and full of life, returned- that's when he knew he wanted the same thing. A peaceful, happy life.

"I took more after you than Chan-hyung, I guess," Jeongin jokes to make it more lighthearted. He's pleasantly surprised to see it worked, a genuine smile finally cracking on your face. "We're real winners of loyal younger siblings, huh?" you chuckle. It's probably not appropriate to laugh but well.. What else can you do, really? "You should leave, if you really want to. It took a long time for me to realize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself, and wanting to be happier." You say and Jeongin easily agrees with a smile. "Exactly! Which is why I hope you'll talk to him soon. Get yourself out, and live a happy life with Changbin. You deserve it."

"Well, what about you? What will you do?" you ask and Jeongin pauses while he thinks about it. "I'm not sure.. I mean, I'm sure I want to leave, I just don't know when I should. He's my brother and I love him, and I don't want him to be upset by us both leaving at the same time.. Maybe I'll bring it up after some time passes?" It certainly wasn't a bad idea. It'd be good for your brother to heal a bit, and not suffer too much loss at once. "Just make sure you take care of yourself too, okay? Don't push down your needs to make someone else happy," you remind him. "Of course," he assures you with a smile. "Maybe I can talk to Felix-hyung too. He helped you when you were struggling with this, so I'm sure he'll help me too."

"You should!" you enthusiastically agree. And that might not be a bad idea for you right now too. Felix has always been nothing but kind and supportive, and he offers such good advice. You've always trusted him deeply, and he's honest without being harsh, which is something you really value in him. "I think I will too. It might help me feel better about my talk with Chan if I talk to Felix about it first."

Content with your discussion and your future plans, the rest of Jeongin's visit to your apartment is lighthearted. And honestly, you feel a weight lifted off your chest knowing Jeongin is on your side. He's always understood you, but you still had this irrational fear that this time would be the exception. You were worried that maybe he hated Changbin for his role in the arrest of Minho, and when he realized your feelings for him, that he would turn his back on you. And you still have that fear when it comes to other members of the family, but you feel much more reassured now. It's encouraging to know that you won't be alone in this, and that you'll have support from someone who loves you. You can only hope that all your future talks will go as well as they have today.

It's another few weeks later when Felix finally has a free moment to stop by your apartment for a talk. You told him after the night Jeongin visited, mostly in vague terms, that you wanted to talk about Changbin and your job, and Felix promised to come as soon as he was able. He assumed that you were dealing with something serious, and were seeking help vaguely because that's what you typically needed to do. You often dealt with dangerous men, or sensitive information, and going in full detail over text wasn't the wisest decision. Particularly because if anyone got arrested, texts are among the first things looked at to find evidence. It was important in this line of work to keep your secrets and information close, and only talk about them aloud in a private space.

He's looking around your apartment attentively after he steps through the door. He knew where you lived, as did Chan, but this was his first time actually being here. Felix and your brother were respectful of the space you needed when you initially left, giving you your distance and never intruding in your space. They drove by on occasion, looking around the area and making sure you were safe when you first moved in, but never anything more than that.

"It's a nice place," he comments idly, hoping a bit of small talk will ease you into the conversation you want to have. Felix knew from personal experience that you have a hard time having serious conversations due to your anxiety, so he likes to try to ease the tension any way he can.

Truthfully, you are nervous, but you feel almost equally assured. You have no reason to doubt that Felix will understand and help you as he always has. You move to sit on the sofa, and Felix follows, sitting in a chair across from you. "I've decided I want to tell Chan I'm done with this job. I'm sorry to him and Minho, but I don't want to do it anymore."

Felix can tell you've changed a lot from the person you once were from the way you speak. You sound confident in your choice, and it was only a year ago that wanting to make a decision like this would leave you an anxious mess. He could remember the way your voice trembled then, and how you needed to be told your feelings were valid. You sought out his advice, spent a long time going back and forth as you agonized over your sense of responsibility and wanting to live your own life. He can't sense any of that now though; you've clearly grown a lot, and you don't need his assurance anymore.

"It seems like you've thought about this a lot already," Felix says, though he isn't surprised. You never wanted to be brought back to do this kind of work in the first place, so as it became clear that getting information out of Changbin would be difficult, Felix knew this would be the inevitable outcome. After all, what's the point of staying in a fake relationship if it's not necessary? It's better to get out early, than stick it out for longer than necessary and deal with the complications that would come with "breaking up" after a prolonged time together. And besides that, he was sure it must be hard for you to keep trying when this was something you wanted to leave behind, so none of it was a surprise in the slightest.

"I'm not sure what Chan will do after you leave Changbin since this was his last idea though.. Not that it will be your concern, of course! Just do what you have to and don't worry about what we will do," Felix continues.

"I'm not leaving Changbin," you interject, and Felix pauses, his brows furrowing in confusion. "But you said you were done? What are you..?" his voice trails off as the realization sets in. But that can't be true, surely you're not.. right? "Noona, do you.. love him?" "Yes," you answer easily; so easily that Felix almost can't process it. You said it so assuredly, like there was no need for you to think about it. "I love him, and I'm not leaving him."

Felix has known you for many years now, seen you through your best and worst moments, nearly all your ups and downs. But this is a first for him; you sound so sure . He's seen you suffer through countless fake relationships, or extremely toxic real ones, so he's never seen you have such a determination to be with someone.

"Noona, I support you, you know I do, but.." Felix trails off, his expression one of deep concern. There's nothing he wants more than for you to live the serene life you aspire towards, with someone who makes you happy and cares for you. He never wanted you to be dragged back into this to begin with, having expressed to Chan more than once his doubts and concerns. But Chan was- no, is , desperate for something to come of your help. And Felix is prepared to deal with what Chan might feel from you quitting without obtaining anything, to help him create a new plan, but he's worried about what this revelation will do to your brother.

Chan is a good man but there are times that Felix is concerned for him following a dark path he can't come back from. He's not sure whether it's the suspected betrayal, the loss of his second in command, or the years of piled on hardship as leader that has led to Chan changing recently, but he doesn't have the same tenderness he once had. Felix does his best to lessen the burden, to ease his worries and take the place of Minho in all the ways that he can, but the strain is still there, and it only grows more as time continues to pass. But maybe it's selfish of Felix to not want you to do something purely because it will mean he has to deal with something difficult.

How many years have you been selfless for their sake? How many times did you set your feelings aside for the sake of someone else? How many times did you willingly keep yourself in harm's way just to give Chan what he wanted or needed? Would it be right or fair for them to ask you to give up this happiness you've finally obtained just to further their own agenda? Felix knew the answer to that is easily no. You should be allowed to have your happiness after all this time, to love who you want without worry and not be dragged back in the moment someone else deems it a necessary sacrifice for some "greater purpose."

But none of that is up to him, and he's fearful that your brother's mental state will cloud his judgment. Pain changes a person, oftentimes irrevocably. It can make the choices you'd often never consider seem like the only path forward, and he fears that he can't stop Chan from continuing down the dark road he’s walking on.

"I know that Chan won't be happy. There might even be a chance he never forgives me for this, but I'm willing to accept that. I need to live my life how I want to be lived. I'm done accommodating for everyone but myself. I hope he will understand, but even if he doesn't this is the decision I've made. And I hope you will support me too," you say, resolve clear in your voice. Felix still remembers the you of over a year ago vividly, who was so scared to make a decision for herself that it agonized her to try. It's amazing, truly, how much you seem to have changed since that day. You're here, standing on your own two feet, fighting for what you want unapologetically.

"I'm with you, without a doubt. I've always wanted you to be happy, and I'll talk to Chan too if I need to," Felix responds, offering you a reassuring smile as he does. "That means a lot to me Lixie, thank you." He offers you a hug which you gladly accept. It pains you to think that your brother might not understand your feelings, but you realize more and more how much support you have. You don't have to go through this on your own; you have your friends and your found family by your side through everything. No matter the outcome of your talk with Chan, you feel like you'll be able to walk away with your head held the highest it's ever been.

The rest of your afternoon following your conversation with Felix was spent with you planning your approach with Chan. What you should say and how you should say it, how to go about asking him to put any feelings of distaste for Changbin aside, and to request him to only talk to you as a brother catching up with and caring for his sister from that moment on, and never again for the purpose of a job or about his mafia life and dealings. It used to be extremely difficult for you to put together what you wanted to say, but talking with Jeongin and Felix has helped greatly.

And there's a stress that comes with planning all this out, but at the same time there's a solace. Putting yourself first has never been something that came easy to you, but underneath the bittersweet emotions is an immense pride for yourself. You hope more than anything that things will go well for you, but you can take pride in the fact that you did all you could for yourself if it doesn't.

A text from Changbin pulls you from your thoughts, and you smile upon seeing that he's home and asking if you still want to come over for the weekend (which you obviously do.) You confirm your plans, telling him to go ahead and eat because you already had dinner yourself, and that you'd be on your way soon. It doesn't take you long to get your things together and in a bag, as you basically have it down to a science with how often you do it. You let him know you're on your way as soon as you're done putting your things in the car, smiling softly to yourself as you make the modest drive to his house.

Changbin pulls you in his arms the moment he opens his door for you, making you squeak in surprise before you settle into his touch. "Are you okay Binnie?" you ask as you wrap your own arms around him. "Hard day," he mumbles into your hair, keeping you wrapped in a tight hug. You let him stay like that for a few moments, figuring he needs it, before you pull away to look at him. "Why don't you let me put my things down, and then we can talk about it if you want, okay?" He nods as he lets you go, and you quickly move to set your things down in his room.

He follows you over, waiting patiently for you to join him after he flops down onto his bed. He falls practically limp in your arms after you settle, head resting on your chest as you run a hand up and down his back. "What's bothering you?" you ask softly, listening attentively as he lets out an exhale before starting. "This case, it's just.. difficult. I've been working on it for so long but it always feels like we don't get anywhere with it. Like for every step forward, we go another two back. I don't know what else I should do, I feel like I've tried everything."

You run your fingers through his hair gently as he pours his feelings out to you, offering kind reassurances and reminding him of your support. He's always been open about his feelings to some degree, but it was like you unlocked another part of his heart since the day the two of you confessed your love for each other. Due to what he'd been through before, there was still a part of him that was scared to share too much about work, positive or otherwise. Even when he was assured that you were the one for him, that he wanted to share the entirety of the rest of his life with you, it wasn't easy to break the shackles that were holding him back. But since that day, slowly but surely he's been able to heal even more.

Changbin always makes sure he does his best to keep a proper balance, to make time for the two of you to spend together and take necessary breaks to unwind and recharge, but it feels good to know he doesn't have to keep silent about a big part of his life anymore. He trusts you, he believes in your words and your care, and he knows that you're understanding and supportive of his ambitions. He loves that he can come home after a day at the station and share his thoughts with you. You celebrate with him on the good days and treat him gently on the bad. You never make him feel like he needs to lock his life away, and in turn he makes sure you never feel forgotten or unloved. His career is important to him, and always will be, but so are you, and he'll make sure you never question that.

He looks up at you as you continue to hold and caress him, feeling a rush of emotion wash over him. He loves you so much . He's thought it a million times, but he never stops feeling lucky to have you. You never judge him, think he's too clingy or too silly, never make him feel shunned or like he needs to hide away. You accept him for all that he is, unconditionally. After the devastation he felt in the past, Changbin began to feel like he'd never find the kind of love he hoped for. That maybe it was only destined for those that God favored, and somewhere along the way he made a mistake that debarred him of that chance at happiness.

But then he met you, and it was like everything fell into place. So sweet and beautiful, so accepting and with so much love to give. Your smile easily eclipsed the other beauties of the world in his eyes. No scenic nature view or star-filled sky would ever compare, not in a million years. Would it be cliche to compare you to an angel? That's truly what you were to him though- an angel that saved him from the depths of his loneliness. An angel that helped him heal the wounds he couldn't care for alone. An angel that allowed him to trust unconditionally again. He trusted you from the bottom of his heart, loved you from the deepest recesses of his soul.

It doesn't take long for you to notice the way Changbin is staring at you, his eyes reflecting a love that words couldn't hope to describe. He looks at you like you hold the entire world in your hands, like you're the sun and he's a planet destined to forever be in your orbit and in your reach. No matter how many times you see it, the look he holds never fails to make your heart race. He leans forward suddenly, capturing your lips in a kiss that is simultaneously romantic as it is incredibly needy. There's so much passion behind it that it leaves you breathless in a matter of seconds.

It's almost relentless how much he kisses you, leaving you only the briefest of moments to catch a breath before he's back on you. His hands feel equally as desperate in their touch, squeezing and caressing every inch of you as they roam the expanse of your body. "Binnie..?" you let you when he finally parts long enough for you to catch your breath effectively. "Just love you so much," he responds as he begins to kiss his way down your neck, "want to show you." Your stomach flips at his words, and part of you wants to let him, but instead you reach your hand down to his face, urging him to look back up at you. "You had a hard day, let me take care of you instead."

Changbin blinks for a moment as the words process, a slight flush settling over him as it settles in him. He wasn't expecting it, but he's certainly not against it. He easily allows your positions to swap, with Changbin propped up against the pillows and you straddling him. He is usually the one taking the lead in your intimate moments, but he also loves times like this, where you are on top of him showering him with affection. You kiss him with the same fervor he had towards you, the only difference being the addition of your tongue.

He lets out a soft groan of approval when your tongue first enters his mouth, indulging in the feeling of your hands and tongue exploring him. You reach for the hem of his shirt, urging him to help you remove it from his body. He immediately reaches for yours as well, tugging it off you in a rush he normally doesn't have, but that you don't mind in the slightest. Changbin is always eager to touch you normally, but he feels almost carnal in his craving for you now. He wouldn't say he ever gets enough of you in the first place, but it feels amplified now; like no touch will be anywhere near enough to momentarily satiate him.

All he knows, all he has, is want. A want that is fueled by love above all else, almost saccharine in nature. He craves you this badly because he loves you, it's as simple as that. As long as you are against him, touching his skin and hearing your voice in his ears, he'll be the happiest he's ever been. You kiss every inch of him as you make your way down his body, every curve and every dip, not with the intent to tease but to show how much you love and care for him. Changbin can't help but giggle when you kiss his soft stomach, nose scrunching in the adorable way you love so much.

He watches you with bated breath and eager eyes as you continue lower and reach the waistband of his pants. You don't waste any time pulling them down in one go, along with his underwear, and letting his cock free of its confines. You recognize the look in his eyes, the near desperation, and you know how bad he needs you, so you won't make him wait. He always took such good care of you, being attentive to every want and fulfilling every need, so you'll do the same for him gladly.

You spend a few moments planting kisses on the sensitive flesh of his thighs, watching as his cock twitches in response. Changbin's eyes are locked on you, hands tightening their grip on the bed sheets as he awaits what he wants most. No matter how intense the fire in him blazes, he'll be as patient as you need him to be, wait as long as you want him to.

If this were another day, you'd spend more time appreciating his body and watch his resolve to hold out crack under each added kiss and touch, but you don't want to deny him what he's craving any longer than you already have. He swallows when he sees your tongue stick out, licking up the pre-cum that has dribbled down his length before you wrap your lips around him. Changbin lets out a breathy moan as you sink lower on him, mouth open wide to accommodate his thickness.

He reaches his hands out to you, one tangling into your hair while the other searches for your hand. You bring your hand to him, letting him intertwine his fingers with yours. He's always loved the intimacy of your hands being locked together; it gives him an unmatched feeling of tenderness and love, it's a constant reminder of your warm presence.

Your pace is slow at first, allowing your jaw to relax before you attempt to take him completely in your mouth. It takes all your power to suppress your gag reflex when his cock first hits the back of your throat, but the loud groan he lets out when you swallow around him encourages you to keep doing your best for him.

He curses when your pace quickens, tongue caressing the underside of cock as your head bobs up and down. The strain on your jaw becomes painful, and your eyes are watering from all the effort, but you're determined to give him your all. His hold tightens, causing a slight sting to your scalp, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it. Everytime your normally gentle lover becomes so lost in the pleasure that he can't help himself but to hold you roughly, it ignites a fire in your belly.

You can tell he's getting close from the way his breath quickens and cock twitches against your tongue. "Fuck, God, fuck-" he groans as his head falls back. He squeezes your hand in an attempt to ground himself, and it takes all his self control not to thrust into your mouth. You decide to double your efforts, taking him fast and swallowing over, over, and over again. Saliva drips from your lips, creating a messy puddle in his lap and salacious, wet sounds to ring in Changbin's ears. "Gonna cum, fuck, so good, I'm gonna cum, " he pants out his warning, body hot and chest heaving.

His cum shoots down your throat in bursts that nearly makes you choke. Your tongue coaxes him through his orgasm as you swallow every drop of his release. You don't separate until you're sure he's finished, mouth releasing him with a small pop. You look up at him, your beautiful and perfect boyfriend in his post orgasm haze, feeling yourself clench at the sight. No matter how many times you see Changbin breathless and flushed with sweat lingering on his brow, it never fails to make your stomach do cartwheels.

You crawl up his body, moving in to slot your lips against his. Changbin lets out a sound of approval, wrapping his arms around you tightly and pulling your body flush against his. "Love you so much," he mumbles against your lips between kisses. One arm keeps you close while he lets the other move, hand snaking its way between your thighs to feel your drenched heat. "Baby.. all this just from helping me feel good?" he smiles as he asks, looking at you with sparkling eyes. He could never hope to hide how excited and elated he gets from the feeling of you being soaked for him.

"Always Binnie, love making you feel good," you say with a soft smile before you capture him in another kiss. You know very well what he wants to do next- he's going to ask if he can make you feel good too. And with Changbin, that means pouring all his love and care into you, until you are weak in the knees and too exhausted to move an inch. But you can't let him do that tonight; you have other plans in mind. "Wanna do more for you Binnie," you say between breaths, "wanna ride your cock."

"Fuck, please, it's all yours," he groans in response, your words having an instant effect on his body. You stand to remove the rest of your clothes, and Changbin doesn't take his eyes away for even a second. He takes his cock in his hand, lazily rubbing it back to full stiffness as he watches you undress. You shoot him a smile as you crawl back onto his lap, one that he reciprocates easily while the eager glint in his eye grows ever stronger. He separates his hand from his cock, allowing your own hand to take its place and align it with your entrance.

There's a sharp gasp from you as you start to lower yourself on his cock, the lack of preparation instantly causing tears to prick the corners of your eyes. You'd hoped being completely soaked would be enough to ease the process of Changbin entering you, but you should've known it wouldn't be enough to make it painless.

"You're so good baby, doing so well, keep going lovey, you can do it, I've got you," he can't help but praise and encourage you despite the fact that the focus is supposed to be on him. He knows the stretch can be a lot for you even with prep, so watching you do your best to take him without it makes him want to shower you with all the praise he has to offer.

Each inch taken as you sink down causes another whimper from you and a low moan from Changbin. You're clenching so tight it'd be enough to send him into delirium if he wasn't so focused on making sure you're okay. "Good baby, you're so good," he tells you when you are finally sat completely down on him, your hips flush with his own. He places soft kisses to your skin, letting you adjust and steady your breathing. He runs his hands up and down your plush thighs, giving gentle squeezes while admiring the way you look. You're always so pretty when you're flushed and breathless like this, always feel so good in his hands and sound so sweet. He's addicted to you he's well aware, but how could he not be? Soft and sexy you, every curve and bend perfect, an Aphrodite all his own.

"Take your time, there's no rush love," Changbin plants comforting kisses against your face and neck as he speaks. You can feel him throbbing and twitching inside you, silently pleading for friction, but he encourages you to take your time despite it. Slowly but surely however, the stinging subsides and you can feel the tension in your body begin to recede. Your first grind is slow and experimental, but it still causes a sudden sharp inhale to leave Changbin. Your hands grip his broad shoulders tightly, using them for stability as you try to find what the both of you will like the best.

A string of expletives leave his lips when you find what you like and begin to move in earnest. You've just started but it already feels so impossibly good, he can't manage to stay quiet even if he wanted to (and besides that, he knows you prefer him vocal.) Changbin pushes your hair out of your face, wanting to see your expressions with no obstruction. He watches you, mesmerized and full of adoration. Everything, from the roll of your hips to the bounce of your breasts and the lustful glaze over your eyes, he commits it all to his memory. He never wants to forget how devotedly you took care of him, and how breathtakingly beautiful you looked doing it.

You move to hold his face in your hands, kissing him with messy fervor as you bounce on his cock with more urgency, fueled by your desire to make him cum again. He holds your hips, helping you keep your rhythm steady while he squeezes the meat of it. He can't help the way his eyes roll back, the way your walls clench tightly around him with your tongue in his mouth making him feel almost lightheaded. Each noise emitted from one of you is swallowed by the other, desperate moans and whines muffled and drowned out by the sound of your skin slapping against his.

You eventually pull away, chest heaving as you finally allow more air to pass through your lungs. Your thighs burn with exertion, pace faltering as your legs begin to go weak, but you refuse to relent. Changbin can see the exhaustion settling over you though, and while he appreciates your determination to push through it, he's more than happy to take over for you.

"Hold onto me baby, gonna help you," Changbin says, and you comply quickly, once again holding onto his shoulders for support. He takes complete control, using the strength in his arms to bounce you on his cock while he thrusts up into you. You gasp and moan loudly, stars bursting in your vision. You can barely form a coherent thought with the way he's pistoning into your sweet spot from below, the angle and speed making you dizzy with pleasure. "B-Binnie, please-" you whine loudly, nails digging into his shoulders as your head slumps forward, "feels so good, so good , wanna cum, please- "

"Cum on my cock pretty, you can do that for me, can't you? Wanna make your Binnie happy and cum all over him?" His words send electricity through you, jolting you with a force you've never felt before now. You cum with a loud cry, eyes rolling back as you shake and quiver on top of him. You're gasping and crying through your high, his quick and precise thrusts dragging it on for what feels like an eternity. "Good girl, that's a good girl," he praises you through it, pace only slowing for the smallest of moments as he speaks to you.

"Don't let go baby, gonna flip you over now,” He warns, and you're on your back in a second, Changbin wasting no time to slip back inside your warmth and continue his fast pace. You're breathless, body on fire, and impossibly overstimulated, but it feels so good. You claw at him desperately as he pounds into you, the insurmountable pleasure building back up just as fast as it faded.

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, trying in vain to contain the myriad of noises erupting from you. Changbin's hips begin to stutter, his low moans quickly turning into breathy whines in your ear. You let out a shuddering moan when his fingers find your clit, moving in desperate circles to get you to cum with him.

"One more love, give me one more, cum with me," Changbin's pleading tone accompanying all else that you are feeling sends you down a spiral; your body jolts and tenses, your orgasm washing over you in fervent waves. The way you look writhing and squirming underneath him, lewd noises uncontrollably tumbling from your lips while you squeeze tightly around him sends him careening into his own peak. You reach for the nape of his neck, pulling him in closer for another messy kiss as you both ride the tail end of your combined highs together.

Changbin collapses next to you shortly after, both of you doing your best to steady your breathing and calm your pounding hearts. You turn your head after a moment to look at him, and see his gaze already turned to you. His look is one of pure, unadulterated love and joy. You always flush red when he looks at you like that, and he laughs softly when you shyly turn away. You could look him in the eyes no problem when his dick was down your throat and he was fucking you into oblivion, but now you're like this over a little affectionate look? Embarrassing . But he loves that about you, and he never stops finding it cute and endearing.

"Come here love," Changbin says as he pulls you to him. He smiles at you, a smile that is as warm as it is bright, as he wraps you in his arms. "Thank you for tonight baby, you make me feel so much better, my sweet girl," he beams as he praises you. Part of you feels like you should be used to it by now, but you don't think you ever will be. "I love you Binnie, you don't have to thank me for anything," you reply, a bit more timidly than you'd prefer. He shakes his head, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before he continues speaking. "Of course I have to thank you! How else will you know how much I appreciate you?"

It's your turn to smile at him this time, an adoring twinkle painting your expression. He always warms you with his words, his sweetness unparalleled by any confection. You settle into his touch, resting your head against the crook of his neck and shoulder, nuzzling in close. You stay like that for a few moments, just wrapped in each other's comforting embrace, before you hear Changbin let out a small exhale. "Y/N.. there's something I've been wanting to ask you about."

"Is something still bothering you?" you ask as you glance up at him. There's a slight flush to his cheeks, paired with a nervous expression. He shakes his head quickly, taking a small moment to gather himself before he continues. "We are together most days, you know.. And whenever you're gone all I can think about is how much I miss you being next to me. And I always think about what it'll be like to come home from work and have you already here, greeting me every night with that cute smile of yours I love so much, and-" Changbin realizes he's rambling and getting ahead of himself, so he cuts himself off, swallowing pensively as he tries to calm his nerves. "A-Anyways, maybe it's too soon and you don't want to yet, but what I'm asking is.. Do you want to move in with me?"

There's a silence that shortly follows, simply because you can't believe he's even asking. "Y-You.. want me to live here? ..With you?" Changbin nods without hesitation, the certainty clear in his eyes, "Yes, I want you here with me. I always, always , want you here with me."

You blink at him, your mind racing as his worlds settle in. He's always said sweet things to you, about how he misses you when you have to leave and how he can't wait to see you again every time you leave, but despite that, you're still astounded. "You don't have to say yes if you're not ready though! I won't hold it against you." He replies quickly, seemingly trying not to make you feel pressured to say yes if you're not sure about it.

But you love him so much, there's no doubt in your mind that you want to spend forever with him. Every moment, good or bad, you want to have Changbin at your side. You still need to talk to Chan, to make him understand that you're leaving your past behind you for good, but you feel nothing but optimism and hope. If he doesn't understand your love for Changbin you'll make him understand, you'll put your all into making your dream life with Changbin a reality. And knowing how much he loves you, that he truly means it when he says he wants you with him every moment of every day, is enough to fuel you through any hardship you might face. He'll always be here for you, with open arms and a cute, goofy smile to cheer you through anything.

"I want to! Really, I want to," you give him a smile so bright it immediately melts all his worries away. He hugs you tightly, his happiness manifesting in a series of elated giggles. You share in the feeling, giggling along with him and kissing his cutely scrunched nose. "I love you so much, Y/N," he says as he plants a series of kisses on your face. He meant it before when he said he'll always be there for you, that he'd never leave you, and now it's a promise that runs even deeper. Always with you, weathering any storm, hand in hand- that’s what he wants to have with you.

"I love you too Binnie, so much," you giggle out between his kisses that are beginning to tickle. And that's how you spend your night, laying in each other's arms, excitedly talking and giggling about your future together, knowing that no past happiness could ever compare to the joy you feel now.

The time that passes since the night that Changbin asked you to move into his house has felt like a blur of planning and sorting. Thankfully, there's not much to decide when it comes to what to do about your job; moving in with Changbin only adds an extra few minutes to your commute, which you don't mind making every day. Having to wake up earlier in the mornings from now on was a sacrifice you were more than willing to make if it meant always seeing him when you woke up.

So, in recent days, you spent most of your free time sorting your things. You started small, combing every inch of your apartment for things you no longer wanted and putting them in a donation box to be given away. Next came packing things you wanted to keep, but wouldn't need in the immediate future, such as clothes that don't fit for the season and childhood memorabilia.

The progress is a bit slower than you'd like given everyone's busy schedules, but you are still happy with the progress. You're happy to have help from Changbin or Jeongin when they're free, but you aren't upset when they can't make the time. According to them, everyone has been dealing with an extra workload at the station lately, with some officers often needing to stay behind long past their usual hours to get things moving on an important (and stressful) case.

He's told you about it before- a difficult, long running case that he hopes he can finally bring to a close. Apparently there has been a new breakthrough, but there's a high chance of their progress stagnating again if things don't proceed the way they want them to. Changbin, as Chief, has a lot of responsibility to oversee the process and make sure every operation runs as smoothly as possible. It takes up a lot of his time, but you know how important it is for him to see an important case like this through, so you don't at all fault him at all.

Jeongin, as a low ranking officer, doesn't have the same responsibilities as Changbin, but he still doesn't have much spare time due to the mafia family responsibilities he has after his time at the station. Your brother has apparently been preparing for a large-scale operation that requires everyone to chip in as much as possible. According to Jeongin and Felix, Chan has been planning for months to raid the base of the enemy mafia he was supposed to make an alliance with, and everything he needed to conduct said raid is finally coming together.

They said there was no rat on their side of course, but Chan can't just take their words at face value. It's more important to him to obtain that truth with his own hands, and if necessary he'll make his amends later. In his mind, it's better to be wrong and ask for forgiveness when the fire he set quells, rather than to play into whatever plans they may have to ruin him by being trusting and complacent. No one he has planted in key places has made progress on discovering who betrayed him or how he can get Minho out of prison, and it seems that this is his final gambit.

There are a fair amount of people within the family who don't agree with the decision, as it's dangerous and will only invite even more hostility between the two families, while others revel in the anticipated chaos and can't wait to get their hands dirty. Personally, you are among the people who don't agree with this course of action, but all you can really do is try to convince Chan to change his course of action before you leave, and it's up to him whether he wants to listen or not. Though at this point, you're not sure if you'll be able to talk to him before it happens in the first place.

He initially thought up this plan months ago, but he recognized the risks and he did his best to explore the safer avenues first. He knew they would take longer, and that it could possibly leave him no further than when this began, but he wasn’t the type to needlessly put those he loves in danger. But now that so much time has passed, and it’s become clearer to him that this raid will likely be his last chance to get what he wants, he needs to put his all into making sure it goes flawlessly. The final preparations are the most crucial of all, which hasn't left him with much time to spare to talk to you.

You kept texting and calling, asking him when he'll have a spare moment so you can talk, but it often went unseen, sometimes for days at a time. "If you have information to deliver, give it to Felix and he'll get it back to me," he replied once, making it very clear that he wouldn't make time for anything that would distract him from his planning. It saddened you more than anything, as you were hoping to have everything put behind you before you moved in with Changbin, but if Chan couldn't make time for you then there was nothing else you could do.

You opted for texting him your resignation a few days ago, which you hated doing as you wanted to express it in person, but you didn't want to live with Changbin while having your "job" still being an expectation held over your head. His response was a clear cut, "I understand. I'm sorry I brought you back into it due to my own desperation, that was wrong of me. I hope you'll be happier from now on."

You were worried at first that he was just saying those things to make you feel better and was actually upset with you, so Felix offered to ask him about it in your stead since he is around Chan for most of his days. He asked about it between scheduled organization sessions, and relayed that Chan did genuinely seem to be okay with you leaving again, even if it meant you quitting the job. He had always felt bad for asking knowing that you wouldn’t enjoy it, but he did anyway because it was the last idea he had before having to resort to his more extreme options.

He knew Changbin would be a tough target, and he knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work the way he’d hoped for, but it was the final barrier before making an extreme decision. And it’s unfortunate the near-miracle he was hoping for didn’t happen, but that’s what his other preparations were for. He was ready for this outcome, always, as he learned a long time ago that it pays to be prepared.

And as things stand now, Chan had a lot of hope in his raid and the execution of his plans going well for him. So as more and more time passed, he always intended to both thank you and apologize sincerely, for once again doing something selfless for his sake, and that you would be free to leave whenever you’d want to. It was regrettable that he couldn’t give you his best wishes sooner, but he hoped you would realize their sincerity.

It was a bit odd to have to play telephone with others to hear those words from your brother, but it eased your mind nonetheless. And he promised that the two of you would have a sibling get together as soon as he was able to, with no expectations about you rejoining or doing favors for the family; just simply enjoying one another's time as a normal brother and sister would. The thought made you happy, and you hoped it was a sign of good things to come. You're not sure if there will ever be a time where your brother and your lover can ever meet and happily exist in the same space, but you could at least be happy if Chan cheers for your happiness from afar.

So with all that in mind, you've begun to pack more eagerly in the last few days. You have all of your out of season clothes packed now, boxes safely nestled in various corners of your apartment and ready to be taken to Changbin's place at any moment. You even smile to yourself as you pack away your childhood objects, giddy as you think about where each object would look having its own spot in Changbin's house. Everything, from imagining where you'll display your favorite old teddy bear to what your clothes will look like tucked away next to his, is enough to make you beam with delight.

And thankfully, Jeongin is finally free to help you tonight, arriving with some desperately needed coffees in hand. "Drink up Noona, you must be exhausted from all this work," he smiles as he passes one of the coffees to you, which you graciously accept. "Yeah, working all day and then having to pack my stuff alone in the evenings sucks ," you complain after taking several big sips of your drink. Honestly, you really appreciate the help. There's no doubt in your mind that Jeongin must be tired too, but he's still deciding to help you anyways. And besides that, it'll be nice to have someone to talk to while you do the mindless task of putting things in boxes.

"So, Chan doesn't have you working tonight?" you ask after the pair of you begin packing away your various kitchen items. "I already did my work, technically. He just wanted me to go to the station as usual today and observe everyone. I was supposed to let him know if anyone seemed more on edge than usual."

"Oh. I'm guessing he wants to get an idea about if the police are clued in on his plans again?" you ask, and Jeongin nods. "Yeah. He said that if I discovered that they knew anything, he would change tactics. Trip them up by swapping the days around, changing what time of day to strike, and things like that. But everyone seemed normal."

That makes sense, you think; while high standing officers are supposed to keep their cool at all times, not everyone has a good poker face, and if someone seemed exceptionally nervous, that could be a good indicator that something big was on the horizon. "So everything is good at the station? Are things going well with that big case Changbin has been worried about lately?"

"I think so," Jeongin answers, as he finishes putting the last of a plate set gently into a box. "I'm a low standing officer there, so I actually don't know much about the cases Changbin oversees personally, or what goes on in the other departments. But it looks like things are going well, as far as I can tell. I won't know more than that unless I get assigned to the case."

You nod in understanding as he speaks, taping a box shut as you finish filling it up with various dishware. It's a stressful time for everyone it seems, but you hope things go well. You'll be happier when Changbin finally closes his case and has more free time to spend with you, and you'll be happy when you talk to Chan as siblings and put your past fully behind you. You'll also be happier when Jeongin doesn't have to lead a double life anymore like you've had to for so many years before now, and you hope that following this, everyone you love can stay out of harm's way for as long as possible.

The two of you make idle small talk as you finish packing the kitchen, leaving only enough dishes out for you to use while still finishing the rest of your packing. You leave the lugging of the boxes around the house to Jeongin, as he's much stronger than you, and you'd rather him be the one to carry around all that heavy glass and porcelain. You both jump when his phone suddenly rings and he nearly drops the box he's carrying, but thankfully he doesn't- disposing of all that broken glass and having to replace them with new sets would be a nightmare.

"Help me put this down if you can, so I can answer my phone faster," he says and you hold the opposite end of the box, helping him ease the box to the floor as swiftly but safely as possible. He pulls his phone out of pocket as quickly as he's able, answering the phone in his usual mannerism. "Hey, Felix-hyung, what's up?" Your ears perk up at hearing him say a familiar name, and look at him with a questioning gaze, while Jeongin just shrugs in your direction.

You wait patiently for him to finish his phone call, deciding to use this time as a small break from all the work you've been putting in. You sit down, settling into your sofa before absentmindedly watching Jeongin talk on the phone. However, dread settles in your gut as you watch his expression change. “What? What is it?” You ask, body going stiff as your mind races through the possibilities and you prepare to hear the worst. “Chan started the raid, and it hasn’t been going well for either side. The police were there, and... Changbin is pursuing Chan.”

No. You don't want to believe it. Your blood runs cold in your veins as you start to put the pieces together; the case that Changbin has been struggling with because the culprit was so elusive, the case that he was so happy to finally have a lead on after months of stagnation, the operation he's been carefully planning for weeks to finally bring the person he's been looking for to justice.. It was about Chan, this entire time he's had your brother in his sights.

You weren't oblivious to the fact that your brother was a wanted man, you've always known that the police were looking for him and that this outcome was a possibility, but you foolishly hoped that everything would reach a peaceful conclusion. And now they are going to be in each other's sights, with Changbin having no idea of your relation to the man he's been hunting and Chan not knowing how you feel about Changbin, while backed in a corner and prepared to do anything to get out of it.

You’re on your feet in an instant, rushing to grab your keys to leave. “Noona! You can’t go, it’s too dangerous for you!” Jeongin rises to his feet after you, bolting to beat you to your front door. “I have to go, I can’t just sit here!” You exclaim as you try to desperately push your way past him. “Don’t be reckless, let’s make a plan with Felix first,” Jeongin pleads, trying to appeal to your rational side. Rationality has left you however, being replaced solely by panic and urgency. “We don’t have time for that, Felix already has his hands full with everything else, we’re lucky he even had a chance to call! I have to go before it’s too late to stop something bad from happening, they’ll listen to me!”

God dammit. He doesn't want to let you walk into a situation like this, but the way you're looking at him, so full of trepidation and urgency with eyes desperately pleading to let you pass, it makes him feel like a knife is twisting in his gut. And there's truth in your words; maybe, if you can reach them in time, you can prevent the worst case scenario from unfolding. He hates it, but maybe it is the only way to make sure everyone gets out of this unharmed. Neither Chan or Changbin want you to be hurt, so they would stop the altercation they were having if you showed up, they’d have to. “Okay, but I’m going with you. You can’t go alone.” Jeongin concedes, stepping aside to let you out and following swiftly behind you.

You immediately start to make a beeline for the front seat of your car, but Jeongin reaches out to stop you, grabbing your arm firmly. "Let me, you shouldn't drive in this state," he reasons with you, holding out his opposite hand to accept your keys from you. You're really in no place to argue, and he's probably right; how can you possibly worry about driving safely in this situation? So you concede easily, to Jeongin's relief, placing your keys in his hand and trusting him to get you where you need to be as quickly as he safely can.

Jeongin gets the location from Felix, and while truthfully the drive is only several minutes at most, it feels like an eternity to you. Every attempt to calm yourself ends in vain, no amount of breathing techniques or affirmative talk being enough to calm the barrage of dread. You're scared, you realize. So fucking scared. Scared of your brother's fate, of Changbin's, what you'll do if you arrive in time and what you'll do if you don't . Fuck, you really don't want to think about that scenario. You'll get there in time, you have to. There's no other option.

Jeongin curses as you approach the surrounding area of the building that everyone is supposedly inside of- it’s completely walled off by a police barricade, with officers redirecting civilians and forcing them out of the area. “What do we do? We need in there,” he muses pessimistically, more to himself than to you. Still driving, though more slowly so as to not approach the barricade closely, he reaches out for his phone, hoping to call Felix and find a way for you to get inside.

But you don’t have any time to spare. You can’t wait for Felix, and you don’t have the luxury of using your limited time to make a plan of action. All you can do is go, and hope your feet carry you quickly to where you need to be. You rush out of the car before Jeongin even has a chance to bring it to stop, your feet carrying you as fast as they can, desperate to prevent the worst from happening. You hear Jeongin’s voice ring out behind you, but whatever he’s yelling out is lost on you. The adrenaline pumping in your veins blocks out everything that isn’t in your immediate view. You have to get to them in time, you have to, you have to.

Your eyes quickly scan the perimeter, searching for a point of contention between the police, your family, and the rival family. If things go your way, you could slip past the police in charge of maintaining the barricade through the chaos. And if you’re even more lucky, you could run past all the fighting and stray bullets unscathed. You don’t feel good about how much of this relies on luck, as you’ve never had it on your side, but there’s no other options. You have to just let your feet carry you forward, and pray with all your might that things don’t turn out for the worst.

There are shouts all around you as you dart past everyone as quickly as you can manage, officers and mafia members alike. You ignore the voices as you run, eyes combing everything around you in hopes of finding something or someone familiar to lead you down the right path. You’d been in your fair share of dangerous situations, but this is easily the most dire of them all. Everything is against you, but you have to carry on regardless, even if it all ends in vain.

“Noona!” A familiar voice calls out and you stop, frantically searching for the owner of the voice that called out to you. You eventually see Jisung standing in the distance, and the pair of you run to each other, dodging past as much of the unfolding chaos as you can. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be involved in this,” he talks with alarm and bewilderment.

When he first saw you, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He hadn’t seen you in over a year, so he must’ve mistaken someone else for you. But the closer you came, the more he realized it was you he was seeing, and that his eyes weren’t deceiving him. “I need to find Chan, do you know where he is?” you ask between quick inhales. “Noona, you should take a minute, you’re clearly out of breath and-”

If this were another time, you would’ve appreciated and thanked him for his concern, but you can’t afford to waste time right now. “I need to see Chan, right now, it’s important! Do you know where he is?” you repeat, hoping to reflect the urgency of your situation. Jisung is possibly the most confused and concerned he’s ever been in his life, but your desperation is palpable and it’s obvious to him that whatever this is, he doesn’t have the luxury to ask for any elaboration right now.

“He had an escape route prepared in case this happened, that way,” Jisung points to the north, away from most of the surrounding fighting and police presence, before he continues, “but you really should be careful, it might not be safe-” You begin running again before he can continue, yelling out an apology and a thanks as you go. He’s stunned in place for a moment, cursing as he decides on whether or not he should follow you. Jisung decides, however, it’d be best to stay and keep people off your path. He’ll do his best to make sure that no one that would harm you, or Chan, makes it past him.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been running for, as images blur and merge in your peripheral. This is the most you’ve ever run in your entire life, your lungs burn and your legs are becoming heavier and heavier from exhaustion with each step, but you have to keep going, no matter what. But finally, the silhouettes of people appear in the distance. The flame of urgency burning within you that was being snuffed by exhaustion is reignited in an instant, body now reinvigorated to carry you further.

Your heart sinks as you begin to more closely approach the scene in front of you. Changbin is injured, hand gripping his bloodied arm as the harsh gravel digs into his knees on the ground while the handgun he was granted for this operation lies yards away from him in the dirt. Chan has his aim set on Changbin, gun cocked and ready to fire another shot if Changbin makes a move. He can’t hope to reach his own gun before Chan takes another shot at him, and he won’t be able to disarm and cuff him with his arm in the state it’s in. He’s stuck in place, doomed to whatever fate Chan has in store for him unless he can come up with a plan in the next minute.

“Chan! Don’t shoot!” Your voice calls out desperately as you run forward, rushing to stand in front of Changbin and block him with your body before your brother can act. “Y/N? What are you doing?” Chan is clearly surprised by the intrusion but he doesn’t lower the gun yet, evidently waiting for you to move out of the way so he can take the shot he had lined up. “Don’t shoot him,” you repeat, tears pricking the corners of your eyes.

Changbin is frozen in place, mind reeling as he stares at your backside. How are you here? What is your relation to Chan? Did you know he would be here or was this coincidence? What is happening? Is this even real? Was he already dead, and now in his final moments he is projecting your image in front of him to bring himself comfort? No, if you were a projection of his mind then surely things would be different. You’d hug him warmly, make his final moments peaceful by reminding him of your love and planting kisses to his cheeks. This is reality. A dreadful reality.

“Are you serious?” Chan says incredulously, baring an expression you’d seen many times pointed at enemies, but never at yourself. He’s angry , teeth gritting as he stares you down. “You’re going to protect him? What about Minho, huh? You’re gonna side with the man that put him in?” His gun remains firmly pointed forward, though his hand is no longer as steady. There’s a tremble as various emotions course through him; anger, hurt, sadness, confusion. None of it makes sense to him. Why would you do this?

“He’s just doing his job! He’s not a bad man just because you don’t like that!” You argue, hands trembling as you raise your voice to your brother. You’d never argued with him before, normally having always been on the same side. But he doesn’t see the way you’ve changed, doesn’t know the pain you harbored all these years and how it ate away at you. He doesn't know the depth of your feelings for Changbin, and how you'd willingly put yourself in danger a million times over before you'd let something bad happen to him. “You’re the one in the wrong, not Changbin.”

Some people resort to crime because they have no choice; it’s all they know or the only way they can survive. They do it because they must, even if they hate it and even if it pains them. And you used to feel that way too- like you didn't have a choice. You felt like your life was decided for you the moment you were born, and that you’d never be free of hardship. But you did have a choice, you always did, and Chan does too, even if he doesn’t realize it at this moment.

Chan can choose to step away, he can choose to not let the expectations of your deceased parents determine his course, he can choose to be a better person than he was yesterday. It’s not yours or Chan’s fault that this was the life you were born into, but you realized it didn’t have to stay that way. You had the power to change your own life, and Chan does too. Whether or not he shoots is a choice; he doesn’t have to do this, and you’ll make him understand that at any cost.

Your brother scoffs in disbelief as he lowers the gun, his expression the most cold and distant you’d ever seen pointed at you. “You love him, don’t you? Is that what this is?” There’s no other explanation. You’d never done this before, so why now all of the sudden unless it’s love? You’ve always had strong morals, you’ve always hated the terrible things he had to do, but despite that you still never stopped him like this. So why else would you now, after all this time?

“I do.” you answer firmly, trying your best to convey how serious you are. He scans your face, looking for any sign that this might all somehow be an elaborate joke despite knowing inside that there’s no way that it is. His eyes move behind you next, taking in the utter shock and confusion painted on Changbin’s face. “He doesn’t know, does he?” Chan states more than asks. It’s obvious you didn’t reveal the truth of your life to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have such a bewildered expression.

“Know what..?” Changbin manages to finally find his voice, though he’s not sure he even wants to hear the answer. Chan shifts his gaze back to you, taking in your expression next. There’s trepidation there, sure, but underneath is a determination he’s never seen in you before you. A resolve that is both unflinching and resolute. Are you that determined to protect this man? You’d choose him over your own brother, your family? He means so much to you that you’d throw everything else away? That's what makes him the most hurt of all.

“I’m her brother,” Chan says almost nonchalantly, though you know your brother well enough to hear the emotion underneath. The faux calm, almost indifferent expression masking the true depth of what he feels. It would fool you if you were a stranger, but the years of growing up together gives him away easily. It was something you used to admire in him- his ability to remain calm despite being anything but was something you were sure required a lot of self control and restraint. But now that his vindication is pointed at you, a chill runs down your spine.

You know what Chan is capable of, and you know how easy it is for him to remove threats, and while you hope your bond as siblings is enough to prevent him from doing the worst, there is truly no guarantee. He would go to great lengths to protect the life he has, even if it meant committing to a task that agonized him; you’ve seen it done multiple times. You’re his last blood relative left, and he loves you dearly, but is that enough? Can you say for certain that he’d never, under any circumstance, harm you?

If it were the Chan of the past, you would be assured in your safety. He’d never jeopardize you, never put you in harm's way, never be the cause for any suffering you might feel. But somewhere along the way, he lost himself, and the Chan you see in front of you now isn't the same brother you knew years ago. Years of hardship have worn on him, months of anger and betrayal warping him into someone you don’t recognize anymore.

“Y/N..? Is that true..?” You hear Changbin’s voice from behind you, hollow and hesitant. He knows the answer is the one he hates, and he dreads having to hear it, but he has to, in your own words with your own voice. Even if the truth plagues him, even if the grief kills him, he just has to hear it from you.

You want to turn around and face him, to explain this situation from your perspective, but you can’t yet. There is a part of you that fears what will ensue if you turn your back to your brother right now. “Please, walk away,” you plead with Chan, desperation clear in your tone. Changbin is trembling behind you, he realizes; not from fear, but from an overwhelming and all encompassing sorrow overtaking him.

The tension in Chan’s body loosens, but his gaze is still harsh as he looks at you. “Fine. I’ll walk away, not because I give a shit about what happens to him though. I’m doing it for you.” He turns to Changbin next, stare as cold as ice. “My sister bought you a favor today. I can’t promise what will happen if you come after me again. Remember that, yeah?” He looks at you one last time, making sure you remember that as well. That if there is a next time, he won’t be holding back, and he expects you to accept that.

You spend a few moments watching Chan walk away, not turning to look at Changbin until he is just a dark silhouette against the nearly set sun. Changbin rises to his feet with some difficulty, but he doesn’t accept it when you reach your arms out to help him. You swallow, biting back tears as you lower your arms. You understand why he didn’t accept your help, but God, does it hurt.

“Your estranged brother I never met, that you said you weren’t in contact with for a long time.. This is why?” The anguish in his voice is evident and it makes your heart squeeze in your chest. You nod slowly, your hesitancy not due to any lack of desire to tell the truth, but because you loathe the inevitable outcome. He’s leaving you today. He doesn’t trust you anymore. He doesn’t love you anymore.

“And Jeongin? Does he know what your brother does too?” “Yes,” you answer, trying not to let the agony you feel make your voice tremble, “I can explain everything but you need to go to the hospital, your arm-” You watch Changbin take a shuddering breath as he takes in your words. Maybe it’s the shock, the adrenaline, or both, but he doesn’t feel the pain anymore. In fact, he couldn’t care less about getting medical attention right now. He needs answers from you, right now, more than anything else.

“So, what was the point of all this then? You were supposed to use me and throw me away afterwards, is that it?” His tone is as accusatory as it is despondent. Tears begin to fall from your eyes, no longer able to be stopped from willpower alone. “Were you playing me for a fool this entire time?” You close your eyes, trying to steady your breathing. You have to be honest, lying to him even after all this will make it worse.

“I met you because my brother asked me to, but I was never going to hurt you! Jeongin and I, we.. We don’t want to do things like that anymore. We are trying to put our pasts behind us.” You plead with him to understand you, to not believe that you would ever purposely hurt him. The last thing you ever wanted was to see this expression on his face. Broken. Dejected. Miserable.

"How can I believe that now? How am I supposed to trust that you're not telling me another lie?" Changbin bites back, a tidal wave of emotion behind each word. He loved you so genuinely, but what does he do now? How can he look at all the interactions you had and not question the motive behind each one? He didn’t want to doubt you like this. He wanted to believe that you meant it when you said you loved him all this time. “That day.. When you told me you loved me for the first time.. You said you were afraid I’d leave you someday. Is this why?”

“I love you, and that’s the truth. I understand if you don’t believe me but I’ve never lied about that.” Tears are streaming down your cheeks, your entire world feeling like it’s on the verge of collapse. Changbin’s heart aches unbearably. He trusted someone after all this time, only for it to turn out like this?

"You lied to me, you knew how much I trusted you and you lied to me ," his voice breaks now, and he turns his face away, refusing to look at you any longer. "And did you ever think about the fact that I could lose my job because of this? You know how much my career means to me, did that ever really matter to you? If anyone finds out that I’ve been dating someone with a criminal connection, I’ll look corrupt. It won’t matter that it’s not true, I’ll be forced to resign."

“I..” you want to reply, but you don’t have the words. He’s right, of course. The public won’t care that you’ve tried to change, they won’t care that you have a clean record or live a quiet, modest life. They’ll see a scandal. They’ll see you as someone unworthy of society. And they’ll turn on Changbin, the man who has done nothing but dedicate his life to protecting them. They’ll accuse him, misunderstand him, drag his reputation through the mud.

A scandal will ruin the public perception of police, it’ll taint his spotless career in a matter of seconds. And it’ll be all your fault, always. You’ve always lived your life selflessly, put others before yourself, did the things you hated to make someone else’s life easier. You were selfish, just this once. Just this once, you did something for your own happiness. Just this once, you hoped that the world would do you a favor, and allow you to keep the joy you obtained.

But, as always, that joy wasn’t meant for you. As always, the life you were born into ruined any chance at happiness you ever had. You clung, desperately, to the idea that your life with Changbin would always be happy. You clung to the hope that the sorrow you’ve lived with for so long will never make its return. You clung to the love Changbin offered you, to the peace he brought you, and to the future you dreamed of building with him.

That future crumbled before your eyes in an instant. You wish you could cry, kick, and scream, beg Changbin to believe you and not turn away, but you can’t. Because you can’t blame him for not being able to see you the same way anymore. It’s not his fault, nothing is. If he can never trust you again, or see you the same way as he did yesterday, there’s nothing you can do but accept it.

You look at him, heartbroken and tears falling down in his face, the grief palpable. You try to find your voice, but even if you do, what more can you say? Will it even make a difference? But you should try at least. You can’t leave things like this. You can’t watch him hurt like this and do nothing in response. “Changbin, I.. I understand if you can’t trust me anymore. But I do genuinely, with all my heart, love you. I wouldn’t have stopped my brother if I didn’t. Even if you never want to look at me again, I hope you’ll believe that, at least.” You sob out the words, trying not to stutter with each one that passes your lips.

Changbin looks at you, lips trembling. His mouth opens and closes, as if he was about to speak but decided against it or couldn’t find the words. Everything hurts, he doesn’t know what to say anymore. He loves you so much, but should he accept what you say so easily? Even if he wants everything to go back to the way things were before, is it even possible anymore?

But in the entire time he’s known you, you’ve always seemed so genuine. Your pretty smiles, your loving embraces, your sweet words. The way you cried over him, supported him, loved him.. How could any of that be fake? And, if he thinks about it, he could understand why you wouldn’t want to share your shameful past with someone. You never went into detail about why you didn’t keep in contact much with your brother, but if your explanation is true, it makes sense.

It’s hard to talk about the things you aren’t proud of, the things you hate about yourself or the life you led. He knows from his own experience how challenging it is to be emotionally vulnerable with someone, but it always seemed like you were trying your best with him. He can remember all the times you opened up to him well, because of how happy it made him feel to know you loved and relied on him.

Was it wrong of you to leave out the truth of your brother? Of course it was. A lie by omission is still a lie, after all. And maybe you were just a good actor all this time, but he couldn’t help but believe in his memories. His memories of you telling him about your life, about the things you love and the things you feel. You shared so much with him.. surely, after this long, you would've slipped up if your feelings weren't true.

The average person can't hide feelings of contempt easily, subtle changes in their facial expressions and body language often betray them, and they drop their guard when they feel like they are no longer being observed. And he's watched you a lot, looking at you with eyes full of love and joy whenever you thought he was no longer looking. He would see the bashful smiles, your pink tinted cheeks, the soft giggles to yourself. All so cute, all so endearing, all so real .

No one could possibly fake that, right? Even the best of actors would eventually grow weary of their act, wouldn't they? He doesn't know what to think anymore, nor what to do. All he knows is that he loves you, and he doesn't want this to be the end. Even if it's what he should do, he doesn't want to turn away from you. Regardless of your past, or what you may have hidden about your life, it's an undeniable truth that you helped him overcome his troubles. You made his life better simply by existing in the same space. You always greeted him with a smile full of warmth and care. He loves you.

"I.. need to think," Changbin finally says after some time, "I don't-" "Chief!" You hear a voice call out, and the both of you turn in its direction, seeing a small unit of officers running towards you. His body immediately stiffens, face changing in an instant. He can’t look vulnerable in front of his men. He can’t let them see the feelings underneath the surface of his expression. Their weapons are drawn as they approach, pointed at you cautiously, prepared to make a move if it seems like you will take a step out of line. Changbin instinctively stands in front of you, speaking to his subordinates in a clear voice, "Stand down, she's a civilian."

"Apologies ma'am," the one leading the unit says before they all bow an apology to you. Changbin looks at you, swallowing as he decides, for the first time in his career, that he will lie for someone. "The target evaded capture by using her as a hostage. He opened fire after I secured her." Changbin, stout, honest, and resolute, who never went against his morals and always upheld the law, just lied on your behalf. "Were you hurt?" one asks, while another calls for assistance on his walkie. "N-No, I'm fine, I.." you hesitate for a moment, taking a breath that you hope just makes you appear like you're recovering from the shock of being a hostage. "He protected me."

"Our on site medics have their hands full, but an additional ambulance is on the way, Chief," the officer with the walkie speaks up, turning to you next. "We'll need to interview you ma'am. Can you answer some questions for us?" You open your mouth to speak, but Changbin places his hand on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks. "Let her be evaluated before you question her. Even without physical injury, she's been through a lot. She's not in a state to answer questions," Changbin says to them. He uses a commanding tone, but one that is somehow still full of care.

"Of course, sir." The officer bows to him respectfully. Changbin looks at you, his expression unreadable. You suppose this must be the stern poker face that you've heard so much about, but never seen with your own eyes. "We'll be in contact." He says, and though you know that's something he has to tell you as an officer to a witness, you can't help the way it gives you hope. You hope there will be a day that Changbin forgives you. You hope that he will still love you as he did when this day began. You can wait, no matter how long it takes, because it'll be worth it for him.

Changbin walks away from you now, evidently to talk with his team about matters a civilian like you isn’t supposed to hear. You fall to your knees when he’s out of immediate view, with the pair of officers that stayed behind to watch over you trying to catch you. Now that all the adrenaline has faded from your system, and you no longer have strong emotions making you ignore the ache in your body, your legs have practically turned to jello, no longer strong enough to hold you up.

Your body is the weakest it’s ever felt, sore and frail from all the exertion. The officers around you make a small commotion, trying to help you to your feet and assuring you that help will be here soon. But despite that, you still look on in the direction Changbin went. You wish you could know if he’ll be okay. You wish you could know if he still cares about you. Or, at the very least, you wish you could know that he doesn’t hate you. You hope his arm doesn’t hurt too terribly, you hope it heals well, and you hope that he forgives you for the pain you and your brother have caused him.

That’s all you want, you think. For Changbin to be happy and healthy. You hope he’ll still love you, but you’ll be okay if he doesn’t, as long as he doesn’t hate you for what you’ve done. You’ll be content with never having him in your life again, as long as he forgives you. You’ll wish him well, with the best smile you can muster, even if all he ever does is accept your apologies. Because you love him, and you want the best for him. It’ll hurt, but if he decides the best for him isn’t you, it’ll be okay- it’ll have to be.

You won’t be selfish, or at least you’ll try your very best not to be. You won’t expect anything from him that you shouldn’t. You won’t beg, or plead, or force. But you’ll hope, because that’s all you have now. It’s all you’ve ever had, really. Hope for a better future, a better life, a happier existence. And all you can do is hope- that your better future will include Changbin.

Changbin, who forgives you, who still loves you, and who still wants you in his life. Changbin, who has shown you how happy life can be when you let the right person in. Changbin, who melted the ice that filled the cracks in your heart, and replaced it with warmth. Changbin, who took the broken parts of you and pieced them back together, who treated you like porcelain worthy of the utmost care.

If you’re an angel to him, then he is a seraph to you. His light shines brightly, as brilliant as the sun, his warmth beyond comparison, his smile incandescent. You’ll always love him, no matter how much time passes. Even if he no longer feels the same, and even if he never sees you again, you won’t be able to love anyone else the way you’ve loved him. That’s just how important he is to you; no one else could take his place in your heart.

He taught you how to trust again. He reminded you how it felt to smile with sincerity, to love genuinely, to laugh unapologetically. It’s something you will always cherish, with all that you are and all that you have. Seo Changbin is irreplaceable, and always will be. You love him, and always will. And you hope, hope, hope, that he’ll always love you too.

It's been months since the last time Changbin has spoken to you. Long, emotionally draining months. He missed you, so terribly, but he couldn't bring himself to talk to you- at least, not yet anyways. There was just so much to think about after he learned the truth about your family, and about the lies that surrounded you as a result of it. He could understand why you didn't tell him about your brother, but it still hurt to find out the way he did. And it also left him conflicted and confused about how he should move forward if the two of you stayed together.

He's not just a police officer, he's the Chief. Everyone looks up to him, he's the one that has to be turned to in crucial moments, the one who has to make hard decisions. He has a lot of power, he's in charge of multiple units and operations. With all that comes responsibility, not just to his subordinates, but to the public. He has a duty to protect them, a duty to adhere to the law, and a duty to uphold the truth. And while at first, his immediate concern when he found out about your brother was what it could possibly do to his career, there was more to it than just that.

Changbin can't ignore the fact that your brother is a criminal, even if he wanted to. And it's his sworn duty, as an officer, to arrest criminals. Would you be able to, in all honesty, never harbor resentment or hatred for him if he had to arrest or harm your brother? If the situation was swapped, and it was Changbin pointing the barrel of his gun at Chan, would you be able to accept that? If he had to shoot your brother, could you say for certain that you wouldn't despise him for it? If cutting off your brother for good was necessary for the two of you to be happy together, would you honestly never be angry or resentful about it?

You might say yes, and you might wholeheartedly believe that when you say it, but the human heart is complex and uncertain in nature. There may come a day in the future where you realize how much you miss your family, and come to blame Changbin for the distance between you. The ties people have to their loved ones are immense, and oftentimes inseverable by will alone.

And maybe none of that will ever come to be. Maybe his concerns are unfounded, and you would be resolute in your choice to be with him no matter what happened to your brother, but he can't help but think about it. A spur of the moment decision could change his life forever, and he has to consider every outcome, no matter how unlikely and how much he trusts in your feelings. His future with you is uncertain, and that scares him.

There were many days where he stared at your contact in his phone, trying to find the words to send to you, but not being able to. He'd never known himself to hesitate like this before, never been scared of uncertainties and rejection. He always lived his life confidently, with the mindset that if things didn't go his way he would eventually recover. Some losses hit him worse than others, but he always turned out okay in the end. For possibly the first time in his life, he was living with the fear of inevitably losing something.

Changbin always strived to live his life with optimism. Even in his worst, most depressed moments, he dragged himself out of the muck, and worked earnestly towards getting the things he wanted. Whenever he faltered he picked himself back up, when he was lost in darkness he would persevere until the light returned to him. But now, here he was, crippled with the fear of losing something, someone, he wants dearly. And that fear turned to hesitance, which eventually turned to inaction.

He sighs heavily, head hitting his desk as he falls against it. What does he do now? If he reaches out to you, will you respond? What if he wasted so much time in his fear, that now you've moved on, and he's wasted whatever chance at happiness with you he had? He stares at nothing for a long while, his head simultaneously feeling full to the brim with thoughts and like a vast nothingness, almost numb. A knock on his office door suddenly breaks his trance, and he lifts his head, beckoning whoever is on the other side to enter.

"Sir, Yang Jeongin is requesting to speak with you," the person who enters says, and Changbin's eyebrows raise in surprise. The Yang Jeongin that was working here until the incident a few months ago? Your little brother? That Yang Jeongin? "What is he doing here?" he asks after a moment, but the officer shrugs in response. "Don't know. Said it was something only the Chief should hear. Maybe it's a lead on one of your cases?" they suggest and Changbin frowns. There is only one reason Jeongin would want to speak to him after all this time- It's you. Whatever he has to say, it's about you.

"Tell him I'll be right out," Changbin says as he stands, and the officer nods, bowing politely as they close the door behind themself. Changbin takes a moment to steady his racing heart, taking a deep breath before he leaves his office. He strides coolly past the many desks where other officers are sitting, hoping to maintain a calm exterior and not give away the trepidation he feels. Jeongin is sitting on a bench in the front hall of the station, and he offers a small wave when he spots Changbin opposite of him. "Chief," Jeongin starts, but immediately corrects himself, "Well, I guess I shouldn't call you that anymore, huh?"

"Jeongin.. Should we talk somewhere privately?" Changbin asks and the younger man nods, standing to follow wherever the older leads. They leave the building together, walking quietly until stopping in front of a cafe that Changbin frequents. "This place good with you?" he asks, and Jeongin nods, having no reason to object to the location. They sit, making simple coffee orders, before Jeongin lets out a small sigh. "Well, I should get straight to the point.. Y/N-noona is leaving."

Changbin's frame stiffens, looking at Jeongin with a firm expression. "Leaving as in.. she won't be in Seoul anymore?" he asks and Jeongin nods. "I don't know if it's my place to tell you, but.. she's always hated being involved in.. let's say "bad" things. When she left before, she just got dragged back in and.. She thinks leaving will be the thing that will finally put her past behind her for good." He explains, choosing his language carefully given the public setting.

So.. this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to leave, that's what he's saying? Before you ever even met Changbin, you already wanted out? You were prepared to stay away from your brother, even before you knew him? Maybe he should feel stupid with the realization that his worries were unfounded, but instead he feels relief. It's proof you'd never hate him or blame him if you had to keep distance from your brother, proof of your morals, and proof of the truth you were trying to convey to him that day- that you would've never betrayed him. That you loved him, truthfully and wholeheartedly.

"Can I ask you.. If she wants to leave, and put everything behind her.. Why are you telling me she's going?" Changbin asks carefully, and Jeongin doesn't hesitate to answer. "Because she loves you. Even now, all she hopes for is that you still love her too. She misses you." Changbin's heart picks back up in speed upon his words. Is that what you've told him? If he called you right now, would you be happy? Did you still want to be with him? Were you waiting for him, all this time?

"I'm not saying you should convince her to stay here, or that you should abandon your life here to follow her, but.. I still thought you should know." Jeongin continues, "And she would be happy to hear from you before she goes. Even if you have no intention of continuing your relationship, and it's just for closure's sake, it'd be good for her. She could move on with a smile, I think."

"I want to talk to her," Changbin says with a certainty that makes Jeongin's tense body finally relax. He was hoping, more than anything, that Changbin would talk with you before you go. All he wants is for you to be happy, or have the closure needed to move on if nothing else. "I'm supposed to be meeting up with her again later tonight to help her carry boxes, but.. I think she'd like it better if you showed up instead."

“Are you sure that would be okay?” Changbin asks, and Jeongin smiles and nods without hesitation. “Of course. I wouldn’t put her in a situation that would upset her. I know she wants to see you.” Changbin returns that smile, feeling elated for the first time since that day he walked away from you. He didn’t know what he wanted then, he was hopelessly lost and confused. He’s spent enough time thinking about it, but now he knows, and he’s determined to show you- all he wants is you.

You sigh as you stare at the boxes littering your apartment, flopping onto your sofa and wiping the sweat from your brow. You were beyond exhausted, days filled with nothing but work and then packing when you got home. You were also exhausted thinking about how you would just have to unpack everything when you arrived at your new home. You’d surely have some grueling months ahead of you.

But leaving this city was long overdue when you think about it- you really should have left it a long time ago. It has been 2 years now since the day you first left the family, and around a year and a half since you were subsequently dragged back in and met Changbin. Your heart ached whenever you thought about him, but you could never stop yourself. Everything reminded you of him, it seemed.

He changed your life for the better when he was in it, after all. It was hard not to see him in even the little things. When you’d watch tv to relax, you’d think about how it felt when Changbin was there with you, arms wrapped around you snuggly while you followed your little routine of choosing what to watch back and forth. When you ate dinner, you’d think about how Changbin knew all your favorite things, and would playfully tease you about how you could eat the same things over and over again without getting tired of it.

When you layed in bed at night, you thought about how it felt to have Changbin next to you, his soft breathing in your ears and warm body lulling you to sleep. You’d be reminded of his gentle touches, his loving stare, and his cute pouts. The way he’d keep you close to him, beg you to stay with him as long as possible, and smile brighter than the sun itself. Everything about him was endearing, everything worth committing to your memory, everything worth loving even after he was gone from your life.

Maybe that’s another reason you finally decided to leave for good. It was hard to look at your surroundings and not be reminded of all you once had and lost. Seoul carries a lot of memories for you, often times more bad than good. You lost a lot of things here- your innocence, your family, and your love. What good you managed to hold in your hands always seemed to crumble and slip through your fingers, with you unable to do a thing to prevent it.

You needed a change of scenery, and to leave the painful memories behind you. It’d help, you think, if you were able to look at the world around you and not be bombarded with the feelings of loss and sadness. Maybe you could stand on your own two feet more effectively, be the kind of happy person Changbin showed you that you could be. And maybe, if you were lucky, he would meet you again while you were a new version of yourself.

A stronger you, a happier you. Someone who didn’t falter and live in anxiety any longer, who lived the new life she was given with hope and joy. You’d be happy if you could show Changbin how much you’ve grown, how you’ve changed for the better thanks to his earnest love for you. And not just for Changbin- living a better life is how you would pay back everyone who has helped you up until now. It’s how you would thank Felix and Jeongin for all their support until now.

Living a better, happier life was the best way to show your appreciation for all the people you love, and love you in return. You’d move on with your head held high, and someday in the future you would return here as the best version of yourself you could be. Even if they weren’t here with you right at this moment, it was enough to make you want to do your best.

“You know, you could still come with me Innie,” you told him when he was here earlier today, helping you move various heavy objects to the front room of your apartment. “I know, but I still have things I want to take care of here,” he responded with a soft smile. Unlike you, he still had a mother to watch after here. He also expressed his desire to leave Chan and the others behind on positive terms, and to pursue training at the officer’s academy earnestly, so he could come back to his colleagues an honest man.

You were proud of him, truly, for making the choices he made. You had nothing but faith that he would see his goals through, and be a little brother you could be proud of. He promised that he, with the help of Felix and Jisung, would help set Chan on the right path before he leaves his life there behind for good. And when that day came, he would find you again, maybe even with everyone you love hand in hand with him. Maybe there would be a day where you could hug both of your brothers again, reunite with your old friends, and return to Seoul happily.

Speaking of old friends, Seungmin was devastated when you announced to the office you were leaving (though you were sure some of his reaction was just him being overdramatic.) He made you promise that you would still keep in touch, and that you’d come back to visit sometimes. Of course, you reminded him that he could always come visit you as well but he insisted it would be more fun if you came to Seoul than if he went to some obscure small town.

You were still worried about Minho as well. It had been a long time since you, or anyone for that matter, had been able to see him in person. But he often wrote letters, expressing that he accepts where he is because it’s the natural result of the choices he made. He wishes everyone well, and hopes that everyone can live their lives happily until the day he is released. He doesn’t want anyone to risk their lives or safety for him, because he is okay.

You’re not sure if it gave Chan closure the way it did for you, but you hope it has. All you’ve ever wanted for your brother was for him to be safe and happy after all. And there’s still a part of you that hopes one day he’ll renounce his leadership and walk away from the life he’s led up until today. You’d like it if you could return the relationship you had with him as children, where the two of you were free from worries, and the bond you had as siblings made you stronger together.

You close your eyes, another small sigh leaving your lips. You’re tired, so tired, but strangely optimistic. Your life will be better from here on out, you’ll make sure of it. It would be a lie to say you didn’t spend a lot of time crying at first, but when it was all over you realized how lucky you were. Lucky to have been loved by Changbin. Lucky to have friends who care about you. Lucky that you still have the opportunity to change your life.

Life has never been easy for you, but you’re grateful for what you’ve been given. Moments of happiness, no matter how fleeting, shaped you into who you are now. Memories, shared with those you’ve come to love, giving you the morals and sense of purpose you have now. You’ll keep those memories close to your heart, and let them lead you forward. They will shape the road ahead, and keep you going when the road is tough. That’s what you’ve decided.

It’s never too late to change, never too late to be happy. You can take your life in your own two hands and shape it into what you desire. Life is what you make of it, and you’ve decided you’ll make it into the best it could possibly be. And hopefully, in the future you create with your own hard work, Changbin will be there waiting for you. You’ll see his adoring smile and star-filled eyes, and know that it was all worth it.

A knock on the door breaks you from the thoughts, and you rise to your feet to answer it. It’s a little strange, as Jeongin would normally just call you if he was here, but he also knows you are expecting him so maybe he didn’t feel the need. “Hey Innie, there you-” you start as you unlock and open the door, but the words immediately seize in your throat.

You blink once, twice, assuming your eyes must be playing tricks on you. There’s no way Changbin is standing in front of you right now, right? Why would he be? “Y/N..” he says softly, a bit hesitant. He was feeling good when he first made the trek to your front door, but now that he’s here in front of you he feels.. Strange, almost.

It’s surreal to be standing in front of you after all this time. He’s thought about it a lot; how you would look when you were finally in front of him again, what expression you might have and how you might have changed. And now, you are understandably looking at him like a deer in headlights. To say you are stunned would probably be an understatement.

“Can I.. come in?” Changbin asks after another small moment. You want to speak, but you feel so astounded your voice won’t come out. So instead you nod, stepping to the side to allow him to enter your now barren apartment. He looks around, taking in the sight of all your belongings being tucked away into stacked boxes, with only your large furniture pieces being out. This is what it would’ve looked like all those months ago too, if nothing had gone wrong and you moved in as planned.

It strikes a pang in his chest, one that he attempts to choke down. He can’t let all his emotions bubble to the surface just yet. There are things he needs to tell you clearly, things he wants you to hear. You guide him past boxes, motioning for him to take a seat on your sofa. “What, uhm.. What are you doing here?” you ask cautiously, not entirely sure how you should feel now that you are finally looking at him again.

He hasn’t changed much; his dark, curly hair has grown a bit longer, but overall he looks the same as he did months ago. Just as handsome too, you can’t help but notice. But really, how could you even hope to ignore that fact? You don’t think you’ll ever meet someone else as stunning as him.

“Jeongin told me you’re leaving,” he answers, watching your expression change carefully. “H-He did?” Your shocked expression changes to sadness, gaze moving down to your hands, which you are wringing nervously. “I.. wanted to tell you myself, but.. I didn’t know how, or if I should..” “I’m glad he told me,” Changbin replies, and you look back at him, uncertainty clear on your face.

“I would’ve been sad if.. You left before I could tell you how I feel,” he continues. “How you feel..?” you question, and he nods, a tentative, almost shy expression spreading across his features. “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken, I really am. I spent that entire time thinking about.. Us, and what I should do. What I want..” Changbin’s tone is relaxed as he can possibly make it despite the rapid beating in his chest.

He takes a shaky inhale, palms sweating despite all his efforts to speak to you calmly. “I know what I want, and it’s you. It’s always been you. I just.. Took too long to sort that out, I think.” He confesses, watching you with bated breath as his words process within you. “I love you, and.. I hope I haven’t told you that too late.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, eyes watering in an instant upon hearing those words you hoped so badly to hear again. “What about your job? And my family..?” you ask, and Changbin shakes his head, as if it’s not a concern in the slightest. “I know there are things we still have to figure out, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let you go without trying. I love you too much to let it go so easily.”

The tears openly fall now, not being able to stop yourself from doing anything else. He opens his arms to you, offering his embrace if you want it, and you easily wrap yourself around him. He holds you close, your head pressing into his chest as sobs wrack your body. “We’ll figure it out together,” he speaks to you softly, hands rubbing the soothing circles you missed so much into your skin. “I broke my promise to you before.. But I’m not going to leave you again.”

He holds you like that until your breathing calms, the sobs slowing into gentle sniffles. You look up at Changbin, noticing that a few stray tear stains line his cheeks as well. He’s always hated seeing you cry, after all. The fact that it was because of him made it even harder for him to not become emotional himself. “Binnie,” you breathe, leaning up to capture his lips in a soft kiss. He lets out a relieved sigh when your lips touch, his own flood of feelings washing over him.

It feels so good to hold you in his arms again, to feel his lips against yours, to inhale the familiar scent of your shampoo. Now that he has you again, he never wants to let you go. Whatever he has to do to keep you with him, he’ll do it, without a doubt. He realized that everything else in his life is replaceable. His career can be rebuilt from the ground up if necessary, and his home can be relocated. But not you. Nothing can replace you.

You are his home. You are his life. He knows his connection with you is deep and real. In the entire time he knew you, he never had to change a single thing about himself to please you. You always loved him for who he is, right from the start. That’s what he needed then, and what he still needs now- someone who loves him unconditionally. Who accepts him in all his silly, eccentric idiosyncrasies.

He kisses you over and over again, like you are the source of the oxygen he needs in his lungs. He holds you tightly, keeping your body glued to his, as if you’ll vanish if he lets go. “I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea how badly,” Changbin whispers against your skin, an action that makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. It also makes you giggle a little in response, because wow, did you miss that feeling.

He always made you shy and giddy so effortlessly. All it ever took was the slightest bit of affection from him to make you feel bubbly inside. Changbin smiles when he hears your soft laugh, a warmth he hasn’t felt in months spreading over him. He hopes from now on he can hear you laugh every day, see your shy smiles and cute, sparkling eyes. He doesn’t know what his future with you holds, but as long as he has that, he would be happy.

“I’ve missed you more,” you tell him with a sweet smile. There’s part of you that still feels like this is all a vivid dream, and that you’ll wake up any minute in your new apartment by yourself. But even if it is a dream, you’ll enjoy it until the end. You’ll feel him under your palms for as long as you can, you’ll take in the sight of his beautiful face and the sound of his sweet yet gruff voice.

You rest a hand on the nape of his neck, keeping him pulled close to you as you press kisses against his lips. The soft, gentle kisses that you shared at the start become deeper, more passionate, as they continue. There’s a desperation bubbling within you, one that becomes increasingly more difficult to contain. You missed more than just the soothing, gentle touches to your skin- you also missed the way his hands could light a fire in you.

He always made you feel alive, for lack of a better term. In all your life, through the various men who knew you and touched you, none of them ever made you feel the way Changbin does. You’re not sure if he realizes entirely the effect he has on you, but you belong to him. Body, heart, mind, soul, everything.. It’s Changbin’s. His hold on you is warm, protective, and loving. You’ll never regret trusting him, loving him, or giving yourself to him.

Changbin can tell where you are leading him, can see the way your eyes have changed when you pull away to breathe. It excites him as much as it worries him; once again, he’s afraid that touching you now will be taking advantage while you’re vulnerable. You were just crying, dealing with and processing countless emotions, and the last thing he’d ever want is to be with you while your judgment is clouded. The last thing he’d ever want is to touch you in a moment of passion and learn you regretted it.

“We don’t have to do this right now,” he tells you carefully. He wants you to be sure you still want him, that you still love him enough to do this with him. He can always wait, build back up to this slowly if that’s what you’d need. As long as he has forever with you, there’s no rush. But you shake your head, meeting his gaze seriously. “I want to,” you assure him softly, “I never stopped loving you. I still trust you.”

You lean back in, lips brushing against his as you speak, “I still want you.” A soft groan leaves Changbin's lips, your words having more of an effect on him than you'll ever know. Your next kiss is impassioned, mouth open and licking at his tongue. You coax him to pursue you, to swallow your heated breaths, explore you completely, consume you entirely.

You let yourself fall backwards against the sofa, dragging Changbin down with you. It's not the most elegant display, nor is it seamless, but you don't really care about that. You've missed Changbin so much- his every look, every hold, and every sound. It's all you crave, all that matters in this moment.

Not wanting to crush you or leave you in an uncomfortable contortion, Changbin spreads your legs and moves himself to rest between them. He attaches his lips to your neck, deciding you’ve gone long enough without his mark on your skin. You relish in the feeling of having his teeth sink into you again, excitement bubbling in your gut when you imagine the way you’ll look with his love bites all over you.

His hands reach the bottom of your shirt, and you lift your back off the sofa to allow it to be pulled up and over your head. Your bra follows shortly after, being discarded to the floor and forgotten as your focuses are solely on eachother. Changbin takes a moment to look you over, refamiliarizing himself with the appearance of your body and the intoxicating image of his teeth marks on your otherwise pure skin.

He doesn’t get much more time to admire you however, as you begin to reach out for him. You paw at the hem of his shirt, not so subtly requesting that he pull it off himself. He stifles the amused smile that threatens to peak out, pulling his shirt off in one swift movement. You look at him with equal parts adoration and desire, and he can’t deny he loves it when you look at him this way.

Changbin watches your expression change however, when your gaze meets his arm. There was a fresh scar where your brother shot him, a now constant reminder of what the pair of you had gone through that day. A permanent representation of the way you failed the person you love most.. "Bin, I- '' you choke on your words, eyes tearing up as you stare at the spot.

"Hey, look at me," Changbin says as he cups your face, directing your gaze back up to his face. "That's not your fault. You know that, right? It's not. Nothing is." You struggle to hold back your sniffles, but he won't accept that; he needs you to know. You were in such a hard position, one that no one should have to be in. And he recognizes that now. He understands how hard it must have been to try to balance your life and protect the things you love.

He kisses you again, thumbs carefully rubbing away stray tears. “I love you,” he reminds you with his soft tone that always brought you comfort, “nothing changed that, okay?” You nod, believing his words entirely. You really had no reason not to; he’s always been so forthright and honest about everything he thinks and feels.

“I love you,” you tell him, and he smiles, kissing you once more for good measure. “Do you want to continue?” he asks, once again needing to suppress the amusement that threatens to show when you eagerly confirm that you do. As much as Changbin loves seeing you being bashful and shy, he also loves when your enthusiasm overrides it.

The messy kisses to your skin resume, as if nothing interrupted them in the first place. The only difference now being that your upper body is completely exposed to him. Changbin’s hands trail lazily up and down your body, savoring the feeling of every soft dip and curve without any rush. Your gasp when his hands finally reach your breasts quickly turn into titillating mewls, nipples being tweaked and rolled between his fingers.

The sounds you make alone make Changbin want to groan, a salacious symphony in his ears, a siren’s song he can’t hope to ignore. He pulls back to look at you, watching the way your body twists and squirms, legs unable to close together due to his place between them. “Binnie,” you whine, looking at him with glossy eyes and flushed cheeks, lips turned into a small pout. “What is it, lovey? What do you need?” he asks, head tilting slightly as he grins at you.

Your stomach flips, heart skipping a beat at both his tone, and from hearing the nickname for the first time in so long. You swallow, trying your best to conjure the words despite the way he looks at you making you want to combust on the spot. “B-Bed?” you ask softly, and Changbin smiles with a nod, lifting you in his arms effortlessly. You lock your legs around his waist, arms snuggly wrapped around his neck as he carries you through the apartment.

You really should let him focus on getting through the minefield of boxes that is your apartment currently, but instead you kiss him with a fervor he matches equally. Even when he threatens to stumble, neither of you break away, completely committed to keeping your mouths on each other.

Luckily, you left your bedroom door open earlier, and Changbin has no problem carrying you through the doorway. You let yourself fall back onto the bed when he lets you go, and he positions himself between your legs once again, mirroring the position you were in moments ago on the sofa.

Rather than wait for Changbin to take the lead on this like you normally would, you reach for shorts, pulling them down as far as you can before needing him to take care of the rest. He really can’t blame you for feeling needy and eager; he’s just as hungry for you as you are for him, his own desire and ache for you being contained solely by his (dwindling) self-restraint.

You look at him, gaze possibly the most desperate he’s ever seen it be. Your body trembles with anticipation, begging for him to touch you. And while normally he’d love to prolong this moment, watch you get shy as he makes you say what you want him to do to you and then impatient as you yearn for his touch, he really can’t wait either.

More accurately, he doesn’t want to wait. He knows he can hold back, he knows he can restrain himself if he needs to, he knows he can do things slowly, but if neither of you can wait, if you’re both desperately reaching out for one another, then why draw it out? He knows what you want, and he wants to give it to you.

"I want to watch you cum," Changbin tells you, voice nearly a whisper in your ears. "Over.. and over," he continues, your body shivering in response as you watch him trail downward. “You want that, right? To cum for me?” he asks rhetorically. He already knows the answer, but he wants you to say it anyway.

“Y-Yes, please,” you all but whine, and he smiles, licking his lips and wasting no further time talking. He pushes your thighs further apart, hooking his arms underneath to hold them in place. You let out a loud moan when his mouth finds your clit, his grip on your thighs stopping you from squirming or closing your legs around his head.

He’s barely even begun but you already feel like the air has been knocked from your lungs, the pleasure making you feel dizzy. Your hands reach for his hair, the groan that leaves his mouth when you pull making you shiver. Various obscenities leave your mouth as he alternates between licking and sucking, your legs already shaking as your high approaches dangerously fast.

It’s been months since you felt his tongue on you, and with his skill it was obvious you’d cum fast. You couldn’t hope to delay it even if you wanted to. His pace is perfect, remembering just how you like it as if there was never a break between you to begin with. You bite your lip, trying in vain to quiet the whimpers and moans that leave you as your high overtakes your body.

Even as your high recedes, Changbin doesn’t relent, keeping his pace on your clit as if nothing happened. You whine loudly, overstimulation setting fire to your skin. His strong hold on you prevents you from moving even an inch, all you can do is lie there and continue to take the onslaught of overwhelming, almost painful, pleasure.

Not wanting to hurt his scalp with your harsh tugging, you move your hands to the bedsheets, clawing at them desperately. He squeezes your thighs in his hands, as if to ground you while he unrelentingly showers your clit with his affection. Your second orgasm comes even faster than the first somehow, back arching and eyes rolling back as your body tenses and releases in an instant.

As before, he continues through it, drawing it out and making you whine loudly when it quickly becomes too much to bear. Your arousal is practically gushing out of you, and you finally get a small moment of reprieve when Changbin moves to lick the cum from your entrance. Your breathing is ragged, chest heaving and body buzzing.

Changbin removes one of his hands from your thigh, moving it to easily slide two of his fingers into your heat. You let out another choked gasp, his fingers wasting no time to locate your sweet spot and rub against it. “B-Binnie,” you stutter out between gasps, “I-I cant.” It’s almost too good, your brain reeling when he starts to thrust his fingers into you quickly.

He looks up at you, an almost playful glint behind the lust-filled look in his eyes. “Yes you can,” he encourages sweetly, letting go of your other leg to come closer to your face. He’s looking at you intently now, smiling as he watches you succumb to the pleasure you’re feeling. Your head is thrown back, nails digging into the bedsheet and bottom lip trapped between your teeth.

“Look at me,” he says, and he feels you clench tightly around his fingers when you do. His lustful expression makes you weak, his smile making your gut want to erupt into butterflies. You try to keep his gaze, to not close your eyes or look away, but it’s so hot you can barely stand it. You don’t think you’ll be able to handle much more of it without devolving into insanity.

You cum again, legs closing around his fingers and head falling back as you do. “Good girl, my good girl,” he praises you through it, slowing to a stop once he feels your body begin to relax. He gives you some time to catch your breath after he slides his fingers out of you, licking them clean before he stands from the bed. You watch as he finally removes his pants and boxers, and then returns to his position between your legs.

“I'm going to fuck you now,” he tells you, smiling when you let out a shy whine in response. Changbin lines himself up with your entrance, leaning down to kiss you as he slides in. The multiple orgasms make it easier for your body to accept him, the stretch still stinging but not at all bad. He always loved to kiss you while you got used to the feeling, loved making you taste yourself on his tongue as you acclimated to his size.

It didn’t take long for you to roll your hips against his, seeking blissful friction. “Greedy girl can’t wait?” Changbin asks teasingly, though he has to admit he loves it. If you weren’t so dazed from pleasure, you’d see he’s just as desperate as you, if not more so. He loves when you are as equally needy as him, when you become lost in him and how he makes you feel.

“You want to cum again, is that it?” he asks when he begins to finally thrust into you. “Y-Yes, want to cum,” you nod almost frantically, “want you to come too.” Changbin groans, your words always having an incredible effect on him. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll cum for you,” he promises as he picks up his pace, finding his rhythm with relative ease.

One hand holds yours while the other moves to your clit, rubbing it in circles. He whispers praises to you, each one making you clench around him. “Good girl, my perfect baby, doing so well, feels so good around me, love you,” he begins to babble as he chases his orgasm. He expected not to last long, but he’ll make sure it’s good for you until the end.

If your neighbors weren’t concerned before, they definitely are now given how loud your voice is carrying through the apartment. You can’t hold them back anymore, not that Changbin would let you in the first place, but you’re too far gone to care. His once steady pace quickly grows sloppy, his low groans turning into breathy whimpers.

You reach your high first, mouth hanging open in a silent moan as your body quivers beneath his. Changbin follows closely behind, his hips stuttering as his cum shoots into you in hot spurts. You reach up, pulling him into one more kiss as he comes down from his high. His body relaxes, falling against you, though still careful not to crush you under his weight.

His head rests just under yours, and you kiss his temple, hand running through his hair lazily. “I love you,” you mumble, exhaustion clear in your voice. Your eyes are closed, your movements slow, and Changbin finds it so endearing that even in this state you want to show your love. “I love you too baby, so much,” he kisses your cheek, as it’s the only place he can reach without moving from his spot.

He’ll take care of you soon, get the both of you cleaned up so you can sleep in his arms peacefully as you always have before, but for now, even if it’s just for a few moments, he wants to lay next to you. To hold your hand as the two of you catch your breath, to stare at your beautiful face, to feel the euphoria of having you as his.

He doesn't know what the future holds, but he’s decided that it's okay. He doesn’t need to hold every answer in his hands, or worry about could be’s and what if’s. He doesn’t know if this happiness will continue, if you’ll always be together without anything getting in your way, but how can he be satisfied with his life if he didn’t try? How can he be happy if he lives his life complacently?

Maybe the smart decision would have been to let you go, to never see you again and let yourselves go separate ways, but would he be content with that decision? Could he say he would never lie awake at night wondering if that was the right thing to do, or if he should’ve chosen differently? And if two things make him happy, does he really have to choose between them? Would it really be so bad to have both?

Nothing will be perfect, ever. No one is promised eternal joy, or a blessed life. No one can spend every moment happy, no one can have everything always go the way they want. The only guarantee in life is that you will suffer. But it is what you do with that suffering that shapes what your life will become from that point onward.

Maybe what he has now with you is fleeting. Maybe years from now it’ll crumble in front of him all over again. But isn’t it worth fighting for? If he has a chance to have everything he’s ever wanted, shouldn’t he do his best to take it? Shouldn’t he keep it in his hands, and protect it with all his might?

Even if it’s in vain, even if he’ll only suffer again in the future, this moment of happiness with you is worth it. Listening to your slowed breathing, feeling your skin against his, knowing that you love him and he loves you- it’s worth it. When he wakes up to your sweet voice, hears your elated laugh, sees your adorable expressions and beautiful body, it’s worth it.

Maybe you’ll live together in the future, and maybe you won't. Maybe you’ll have a family, and maybe you won’t. Maybe his career will remain unaffected, or maybe it won’t. Regardless of what could or couldn’t be, he won’t live with doubt. He can be happy knowing he fought to keep you until the very end, if the end ever comes. He can live a laugh full of laughter and love, even if it’s only for a finite amount of time. And nothing will be perfect, ever, but as long as Changbin has you with him, it’s the closest he’ll ever have.

#skz x reader #changbin x reader #skz smut #changbin smut #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fluff #skz angst #mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune

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thelightsandtheroses · 10 months

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Secret Smile: Tangled Webs (Chapter Four)

Secret Smile | Javier Peña x female reader

Summary: Before returning to Colombia to get things right this time, Javi’s childhood best friend asks him to keep an eye out for his sister while they’re both stationed in the embassy. Only you don’t need Javier to keep an eye you her. Your role as a new legal advisor is all about keeping an eye on him after all. Sparks fly, lines will be drawn and broken and there’s everything to lose.

Word Count: 2.7k Chapter Warnings: 18+ blog, language, reader has a nickname (Blue) but no physical descriptors used Author Notes: As always, thank you for all your feedback, likes and reblogs so far – it means a lot and I’m having so much fun writing this fic. I’d love to know what you think of this next chapter so please feel free to comment, reblog or even send an ask!

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“Did you hear about the senators?” Javi asks you as you slide his office door shut behind you and immediately make a beeline for the black leather couch.

“I did,” you say, taking a long gulp of coffee and then trying to mask your scowl. Instant. Not your favourite. It��s better than nothing, or at least that’s what you’re trying to convince yourself. If you’re tired enough and add enough milk and sugar then it’s almost palatable. It’s better than the coffee at your last office at least, not that that is a particularly high bar. You’re not sure it could even legally be classed as coffee at your last office.

After you impulsively turned up at his apartment, Javi and you have started to work out a tentative peace. Maybe he’s realised that you want real justice too, that you also need to bring these people to account. You want to help him do this the right way.

The two of you spent part of the evening brainstorming ways to move the case forward, trying to find a route that wouldn’t directly compromise the surrender agreement in progress yet, but would allow Javi to pursue real consequences.

Money.

No matter how much you try, it eventually will leave a trail. You’d been told by a colleague about a banking glitch abroad that led to right here in Bogota. This might be the lucky break that could help Javi right now. The two of you have agreed that Javi should use this to obtain the data he needs on who is behind the money for the cartel. If he gets this, it will help him solidify the case and get some strong evidence too.

“So, the Clinton list? You’re going ahead with that option?” you ask. It’s the simplest way to get the bank to work with Javi and technically it’s by the book.

“I’ve already asked Stoddard to get onto that,” Javi says.

“Okay, so now you’re just showing off that you have a team.”

Javi tilts his head before asking with an innocent voice, “Oh, do you not?”

You finish crumpling up a piece of paper and throw it at him. He catches it, cocking an eyebrow with a mischievous expression.

“Really, resorting to violence now, are we, Blue? Assaulting an attaché?”

“Only people from home have ever called me that,” you say softly, “it’s kind of weird hearing it again.”

“Does it bother you then?”

“No … it’s nice, I think.”

“Do you miss Laredo?” he asks, a strange expression on his face.

“I don’t know. Sometimes. Maybe a little, but not as much as I think I should. I miss some of the people; my friends, Sofia, Rafa, my parents. I just don’t - I don’t know, I always wanted to get out and be in a city or a new place, to explore and not be in a small town. Do you know what I mean?”

“I’m the same.” He pauses and looks ahead with a thoughtful expression.

“It’s kind of weird though, that we’re both here at the same time” you add, ”I have a friend who is really into fate and superstitions and horoscopes -“

Javi snorts at the mention of horoscopes and you shake your head at him.

“Anyway, she talks a lot about kismet - fate and destiny and all that. Maybe that’s why we’re both here. We can stop Cali together.”

“That would be nice.”

There’s a strange tension in the air for a minute, Javi’s staring at you like he’s never seen you before and his expression is otherwise unreadable.

He exhales deeply and then says, “I’m meeting the bank as soon as I’m done with the senators and the bank already know what I’m coming with so they should have something for me when I get there.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve got a contact; they might know whoever the money person is. Tomorrow - tomorrow we get them.”

“Good. And what about your agents you authorised to go to Cali, without uh - any approval? Thanks for that by the way, loved the grilling from the ambassador. He was so incensed he didn’t even wait until 9am to summon me.”

“They’re heading out this morning. Feistl got a warrant ready, just in case,” Javi says. “I’m still not sure if we can trust - it’s worth a try though.”

“That’s good, I’m glad he got the warrant.” That makes your job easier, you think, less likely to cause another drama with the ambassador. If their visit does turn up something, they’re prepared and with a warrant ready they can quickly act. You’re learning that timing is everything for the DEA.

“I’ll be reminding them when we speak- everything by the book,” he says with a wry smile.

“Good. Do you think you can trust the local police?”

“I don’t think I can trust anybody, Blue.”

“Even me?” you ask, hurt permeating your voice. You look down at the floor in embarrassment.

Javi trusts a local journalist more than he trusts you at the moment. He’s supposed to know you. He’s known you for years.

“I want to,” he says quietly. “Do you trust me?”

You pause, exhaling heavily. “I want to as well.”

Javi’s office falls silent. You can hear the muffled hum of noise around the glass walls, people arriving for their day of work.

“Are you going to the big meeting then when they arrive?”

Javi pulls a face. “I have to. You?”

“Oh, no. That’s for the extra special boys’ club, Javi, I’m not invited to that.” You don’t mean to sound bitter; you’re not even surprised and your job is far less glamorous sounding than Javi’s anyway. Accountability and legal motions aren’t the sexiest of discussion topics.

“Count yourself lucky. Besides, it’s their loss. You’re smarter than Stechner and Crosby.”

“Why, that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” you say with an overly sweet voice, watching Javi roll his eyes in response.

“Don’t get used to it,” Javi says, a lopsided smirk on his face.

The damn phone has no signal out here.

Javi had a plan. Get Jurado, make his case, do it by the book. The plane was ready, he was ready. Then Stechner came along, those stupid VIP guests came along.

Now he’s sweating through his shirt in the middle of the jungle in uncomfortable shoes and desperate for a cigarette.

Fuck the gum.

No one could have endured that helicopter flight, had to deal with damn idiots trying to talk over the headphones and helicopter noise, without needing a cigarette.

Besides quitting smoking was meant to be a signal. The new and improved Javier Peña, getting it right this time and taking down a cartel. Only the past can’t be ignored. No one will let him forget; they rarely explicitly accuse him, but too many people know what Javi did. Too many people still judge him for that, even Captain Hernandez.

Javi told Steve once that sometimes you had to do bad things to catch bad people.

Maybe he was wrong.

Maybe he’s only made things worse.

He just can’t seem to get it right.

Javi breaks from his reverie, holds his phone up one more time.

Javi has no idea what’s happening with Feistl and Van Ness, no clue whether Stoddard has been able to get anywhere with Panama. He’s not sure if you’re helping. He’s still not sure if he can trust you, as much as he wants to.

Javi can’t be here.

He can’t be part of this charade; play the role of a hero, pretend that this isn’t a giant set-up. What’s Stechner thinking with this?

Javi hears a noise, looks around and sees the army liaison who Stechner had introduced to the senators earlier.

Javi looks exhausted when you finally see him again. More than that, he’s more visibly frustrated and annoyed than you’ve ever seen him before.

Linda had told you that the senators had insisted he join them on their visit, whether he wanted to or not. You knew how much Javi had prepared for the day. The senators wanted to hear from a ‘real life hero’ though and they could control the DEA’s money for this mission. You can only imagine how delighted Javi had been with the whole sorry mess.

You hadn’t quite expected him to return like this though.

When he left the office in the morning, he had been focused, motivated, and smartly dressed. Now, you notice his shoes are covered in dirt and mud; that they look ruined. The difference isn’t just his clothes, there’s something changed in his eyes, something you can’t identify but you know that don’t want to ever see in him again.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes? You really went on a day trip to the rainforest in your best shoes?” you ask sweetly. “The attaché salaries must be even better than I thought.”

“Don’t. Don’t even fucking go there, Blue.”

“I’m trying really hard to take your threat seriously, but Javi have you looked at yourself?”

Javi stands up straight. “You heard then? I was meant to go to fucking Panama, had the plane and everything ready.”

“The senators and Stechner had other ideas, I’m afraid.”

“It was a goddamn joke, Blue.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a setup. Nothing was real - just a show, like this whole damn thing is. This - this is all bullshit.”

You’re not sure how to reply to that and instead awkwardly fidget with the paper file you were organising.

“Stoddard said it didn’t go anywhere with Jurado.” Javi’s whole body sinks into the office chair next to your desk and he pinches his brow.

“Nope,” he says, each syllable clearly pronounced.

“Shit.”

“Yep.”

“So, did Feistl and Van Ness come up with anything?” you ask, hoping that things aren’t entirely lost for Javi’s investigation.

“They did. The police are keeping it all though. They think there might be another angle, but fuck.” Javi shakes his head.

You lean against his desk and look down at the floor, trying to bring to mind some comforting words, the right thing to say. You don’t know what to do. There’s no simple solution here; no sudden legal clause or clever argument you can pull out to make everything better and get what you need back in evidence or convince a jury. This is all so different to what you are used to; a side of investigations and cases you’ve never seen before.

“So, where are we left?” you ask, thinking aloud. “Jurado’s not an option until we can find out where he is. We need to - maybe your guys will come up with something in Cali, in the paperwork. I’ll call the police in the morning, see if I can do anything to help us get some of the evidence.”

“You think that’ll work?”

“I think I’m a very convincing person, Javi.”

“Oh, I’m sure you are, Blue. Thing is, I’m not sure -” he pauses, leans back against the couch, “I don’t think we can trust the police contact Feistl and Van Ness are with. Not from what they’ve told me anyway.”

You think about his words, the small details you’ve heard from Stoddard today. “I think you’re right. They’re holding back on the evidence. Truthfully. they’re not going to work together with us easily. I mean, the rumour is the Rodriguez brothers own half of Cali anyway, right? It would make sense. We - your guys need to proceed with caution. There are things we can do, ways to protect this work and keep the case robust.”

You shake your head at his expression, place the paperwork file down on his desk. “We’ll sort it tomorrow; things will be better then.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, so don’t stay too late, Javi, it’s been a long day.”

“Wait, can I ask you a question?”

“If I was being mean, I’d say you just did,” you reply, folding your arms around you.

“Really, Blue? Okay, why don’t you want people to know we knew each other before the job? Is it me or -” Javi trails off and you wonder what happened during the trip to the jungle that prompted this.

You meet Javi’s gaze to try and read his expression. He looks almost guilty, as though he thinks you’re ashamed of knowing him. That doesn’t make sense because he’s Javi; he’s the hero of the DEA according to almost everyone. Stechner’s words and insinuations echo in your mind, the hints at what Javi may have done before, how desperate he was to get Escobar. Part of you doesn’t blame him for wanting to pursue justice - you can understand that desire, even if you don’t agree with what he was rumoured to have done.

If the rumours are true, it explains a lot about Javi now.

“No, it’s not you,” you say, taking a deep breath before you continue, “It’s the situation. It’s messy. I was technically recommended for this job by a friend and it is bad enough that the ambassador knows that. If it got around that you are my brother’s best friend? I got this job on my own merits and I-”

“Woah, woah, I didn’t say anything about how you got this job. I don’t even know how you got this job. Frankly I didn’t know there even was a job until you turned up.“

“I really thought you hated me for that.”

“Not you, Blue. Don’t hate you.”

“You wouldn’t have had to say anything about me getting this job. People make assumptions all the time. I’ve dealt with it my whole career, especially as I moved up, and I just wanted here to be different.” You needed here to be different. After everything that had went down in DC, this job was supposed to be a fresh start, an escape from everything you’d run away from. Only you’re rapidly wondering if you’ve jumped from the frying pan into the fire instead.

“I can understand that,” Javi finally says softly.

“It’s that one time that it really is me and not you,” you add with a grin.

“So, Blue, am I really Rafael’s best friend?” Javi asks with a crooked smile.

“If you ever tell him I told you that, I will kill you.”

“Promises, promises.”

You shake your head and look at Javi for a moment before saying, “I really should go, Javi. See you tomorrow.”

Stoddard knocks on the glass door and you quickly move off Javi’s desk, cross your arms as he walks over to his desk and waves Stoddard in.

“Sir, we may have a problem. Feistl and Van Ness weren’t on their flight back.”

“Fuck.”

You look at Javi’s alarmed face and take a slow breath.

“Okay, have you tried to call them, Stoddard? No, then go do that!” Javi says.

”Maybe - maybe they caught a lead, Agent Peña. I can call someone at Cali, see if we can subtly make enquiries,” you say softly.

Javi nods and you hear him firmly instructing Stoddard on exactly what to do.

“Guess we’re not heading back right now then,” you say once it’s just the two of you in his office, both of you standing by his desk.

“Fucking Feistl,” Javi says, leaning his hands against the edge of the desk so you can see the hint of strained shoulder muscles beneath his shirt.

“You chose him to go to Cali,” you say lightly.

Javi sighs, stands up straight as he pinches his brow. “Technically he was just the only one who asked.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant, Javi.”

“Hey, at he least showed some initiative.”

“Wonderful. Perhaps he’s showing that initiative now.”

“Go home, it’s late. I’ll clean up here, stay and see if they call.”

“Javi -”

“This part is my job, Blue, not yours. I’ve got it covered.”

“Okay. Promise you’ll call if you need anything? You have my phone and my pager, right?”

You squeeze Javi’s shoulder as you make a move to pick up your handbag, watch him start to organise the papers strewn on his desk.

Before you can leave the office, Javi’s office phone rings. You meet his eyes as he quickly answers.

“Peña,” he says. You carefully try and read his reaction, try to notice the way his face slightly relaxes before he asks, “Where the fuck have you been?”

When he hangs up the phone, he looks up at you with a smile.

“You were right.”

“I often am,” you joke breezily, “So, what was I right about?”

”They caught a lead.”

You smile broadly. “Oh, really?”

“We can get Gilberto Rodriguez. They found him.”

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