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janaispunk · 2 months

Text

end game

series masterlist • this is part VII

pairing: Dave York x f!reader

word count: ~3.8k

summary: Heartbreak, an explanation and an epilogue.

warnings/tags: explicit smut (-> 18+ only!), angst, feelings, heartbreak, depression, mention of weight loss, fluff, able-bodied reader, reader has hair, dom!Dave, sub!reader, sir kink, degradation kink, fingering, unprotected p in v (it's never stated in the fic but i headcanon that reader is on birth control), basically free use kink, rough sex, dirty talk, spanking, spit kink, praise kink, Dave is a menace, praise kink, idiots in love, please let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: the biggest thank you to @joelscurls for letting me scream about this again and againnnnn, and reading over my drafts countless times, you’re the best, jess! <3

thank you to @daddy-dins-girl for talking plot holes with me and motivating me to write <3

thank you to everyone who has read and loved this series, i have received sooooo many kind words, feedback and just so much love. i started writing this as a pwp oneshot and the fact that it has turned into my first series ever and one that i had soooo much fun with is wild. i’m incredibly emotional about saying goodbye to my babies, maybe i’ll revisit them when i need to write some kinky shit out of my system haha. i hope that you like the ending that i’ve built for them.

a few words about the plot: i actually have zero clue how the hitman business works (shocker, i know), so some parts of this are purposefully vague in a way that i hope is believable and somewhat realistic. just roll with it, thanks :D

dividers as always by @saradika-graphics 🫶🏻

find my full masterlist here & follow @janaispunknotifs for fic updates.

The first week you don’t hear from Dave, you’re confused, but not necessarily worried yet. There have been weeks of silence in the past, though you’ll admit that you had thought that things might be… different now.

Your texts to him stay on delivered, never switching to read. Which has also happened before, especially when he was away on business, but still… The thought that he has gone back to his normal life without sparing as much as a glance back at your time together is nagging at you.

You can still feel his hands on your skin, can still hear him whisper in your ear how beautiful you look, how perfect you are for him. It’s hard to come to terms with the thought that it wasn’t real, that his words and actions didn’t hold the same weight for him that they did for you. Reality has finally caught up to you and it hurts.

When two weeks blend into three weeks and you’ve still heard nothing, you start getting worried. He had said his line of work was dangerous, after all.

Your conversation, still so close and yet a lifetime ago, echoes in your mind. 'Nothing's gonna happen,’ you had said. ‘Not to the girls, not to me. And not to you.’ And not to you. ‘You don’t know that, sweetheart,’ his voice rings through your head. Sweetheart. The word tastes bitter on your tongue and wraps itself around your chest until you feel like you’re choking with it, like you can’t draw breath into your lungs anymore.

Sweetheart.

You don’t know that.

Sweetheart.

You start looking him up online, to find anything that might at least tell you that he’s okay. You don’t want to believe that he would be cruel enough to ghost you, but you barely dare to consider the alternative. You find nothing, no mention of his name, like he doesn’t even exist.

Your calls stay unanswered, your messages stay unread. You find yourself subconsciously checking your texts and your emails countless times a day, catch yourself staring out of your window in the blind hope that he might appear outside. He wouldn’t just leave you like this, would he? Would he?

Days blur into weeks and eventually into months. You’re painfully aware that it’s not healthy, this kind of heartbreak, especially not over a relationship that never even meant anything. If only your heart would understand that.

It was never serious enough that you told any of your friends about it, never wanted to be labeled as the girl that sleeps with married men, never wanted to admit your feelings to someone else when you could barely admit them to yourself. Regardless, even without knowing what exactly was going on, your friends had tried to be there for you, to convince you to go out with them, to cheer you up, but you had turned them down often enough that on this Friday night, your phone stays silent.

It’s better this way. All you want to do is rot away on your couch, staring at the TV with unseeing eyes until it’s an acceptable time to go to bed. Maybe it won’t take you hours of lying in the dark to fall asleep tonight. Maybe it won’t remind you of a different kind of darkness in a different room, a room where the sound of waves against the shore and the deep breaths beside you lulled you to sleep.

You need to get yourself together, your inner voice whispers. Next week, you think. Or the one after that.

A knock on your door shakes you out of your thoughts and you pad over, expecting to be met with the Chinese takeout that you had ordered in hopes of fueling your appetite at least a bit with the prospect of comfort food. Absentmindedly, you note the surprisingly short delivery time. You barely look up as you swing the door open, busy fiddling with your purse to extract a few dollar bills.

After finally managing to pull them out, you face the doorway. A greeting dies in your throat.

Familiar deep brown eyes burn into yours, framed by the face that you wish you’d forget but can’t. The short brown hair, the clean shaven jawline that you can still feel underneath your fingertips, the memory all too fresh in your mind. He looks tired, you think, and instantly scold yourself for knowing him well enough to even notice.

The seconds tick by as you motionlessly stare at him, blinking slowly, your mind running a mile a minute. Why is he here? He can’t be here. Are you making this up? If so, things are far worse than you had thought.

He clears his throat, shifting his weight uncomfortably. It’s probably the least sure of himself that you’ve ever seen him.

“Hey,” he murmurs, his hand twitching like he almost reached out to you but changed his mind. “Can I- can I come in?”

You regard him for a moment longer. The sound of his voice makes him appear more real, and the fog in your head slowly clears. He’s alive. He’s here. In front of your door. Alive and well. Your emotions boil up inside of you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! You think you can just show up here after months and ask if you can come in? I thought you were… I thought…”

Your voice betrays you, breaking at the sharp sting of pain in your chest that you’ve fruitlessly tried to suppress and the feeling of your throat closing up. Tears spill over and you furiously wipe at your cheeks, determined to keep some semblance of dignity.

“I know,” Dave breathes, defeatedly. “I’m so sorry. Please let me explain.” His hand reaches towards you again. You shy away from his touch and an expression of hurt ripples across his face. “Please, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Your voice only trembles a little as you snap at him. After another look at his face, you eventually step aside and jerk your head towards your living area. You briefly think about how messy the place is, for how many weeks you didn’t have it in yourself to clean up. You can’t bring yourself to care. Seeing him walk through your flat again after being so painfully aware of his absence leaves you almost dizzy. You take the opposite ends of your couch, both of your bodies stiff, careful not to touch one another.

“Okay,” you sigh. “Explain.”

So he explains. How he received a call, barely thirty minutes after he stepped into his house, with a mission that was too perfect of an opportunity to pass it up. There had been no time to let you know, the risk too high to use his personal phone once he started working.

He goes back to the persona that took up half of his life for so long, the identity that is no more, the man that fell down a watchtower and was washed away by the sea. Body never found. At least that’s what everyone who knew this man thinks. Everyone who knew him, but not Dave York.

He’s been thorough with it, with the most important mission he’s ever done. There are no loose ends, no one who could trace things back to the real him.

It took longer than he had anticipated and he kept laying low afterwards, until he could be absolutely sure that no one would be looking for him anymore.

He doesn’t think that he’ll ever get rid of the worry, ever stop looking over his shoulder, but rationally, he knows that he did it. He got out.

Then he had talked to Carol, let her know that he wants a divorce. It had been- easy, almost. She didn’t cry, didn’t scream at him, just nodded like she had known this day would come for a long time. He thinks that she almost seemed relieved, in a way.

Your eyes had been glued to his face since he started speaking. Tears are silently running down your cheeks.

“I know that I should have found a way to contact you. I didn’t-” He sighs, running a hand over his face. “I didn’t know what to do. I was so worried that someone would find out about you. I never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe that.” He knows that he looks a mess, that his desperation to make you understand is written all over his features.

Every day that he didn’t call you, he knew that he was hurting you. He tried justifying it with himself, that having you think he left you was better than risking somebody coming after you. It never gave him much comfort.

It’s even worse, now that he sees the damage he had done. You have lost weight, deep circles have formed under your eyes and you move like you’re barely holding yourself together. He saw the panic on your face when he tried reaching for you at the door. No matter what he had done to you in the past, you always sought out the safety of his touch afterwards. Until now.

“Please believe me,” he whispers.

You study his face for what feels like a lifetime. Tears are glistening on your lashes. You look so tired, so defeated that it makes his heart ache.

“You’ve done it?” you finally ask. Your voice is a quiet thing, barely bridging the distance between the two of you. A flicker of hope rings with it. “You’re safe now?”

He nods silently, fighting the urge to gather you in his arms, to promise you that he’ll always be there from now on. A small smile curves your lips upward as you mirror his nod, like you’re trying to let this new reality sink in.

“That’s good,” you murmur.

You lean forward, your fingers tentatively closing around his fist that’s clenched tightly against his thigh.

Hope flickers inside his chest. He can taste the three words that he’s been wanting to say to you for far too long on the tip of his tongue. He’s not going to, not right now, not today. But someday soon, he thinks that he might.

Two years later

“Bye girls, say hi to your mom and Matt from me,” you smile, embracing each of them in a tight hug before they dash out of the door, a jumble of giggles and excited chatter. Dave trails behind them with a grin on his face, pecking your lips and calling out for them to slow down.

Your heart is full, overflowing with love for this family that, against all odds, has become yours. You watch Dave usher his daughters into the car and push the doors closed behind them, the smile still on your lips. As you walk back into the house, your eyes linger on the thin silver band adorning your ring finger.

It’s still new, still an unexpected sight when you catch it on the edge of your periphery. It’s the tangible proof of you being the happiest you’ve ever been.

Things had been rough at first, after Dave came back to you. You understood why he handled the situation the way he did, but it took you a long time to trust that he wouldn’t disappear again. To believe that he left his old life behind, that he chose you. But he did.

You busy yourself with cleaning up the inevitable chaos that having the girls over for Dave’s days with them always creates. It’s not the life that you would have expected yourself to have a few years ago, but right now, it feels like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

A few minutes later, your phone pings with a message from Dave.

Be back in 15. I expect you naked and on your knees waiting by the door.

You bite your lip, heat building inside you with rapid speed. Your phone pings again.

Don’t disappoint me.

Fuck. Wetness is already gathering between your legs as you jump into action.

The car door slamming shut has never sounded so good before. You’re listening intently, catching Dave’s heavy footsteps on the stairs and the jingle of his keys before the door opens beside where you’re kneeling.

You look up at him from your place on the floor, watching the mix of smugness and adoration on his face as he takes in your position. A shudder runs through you and your nipples harden under his demanding gaze. He steps closer, caressing your cheek.

“Such a good girl… my obedient little wife, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir,” you whimper, the coherent thoughts slowly draining from your brain and craving more of his touch, more of him.

He smiles down at you, his eyes glinting predatorily. You’ve come to know this shift into the darkness since you first met, but it’s more playful these days, not laced with the urgency that possessed him back then. Still, he gets intense, especially after having the girls over forces you to keep things rather tame during those days.

“Show me your ass, face on the ground, come on,” he demands coldly.

You obey without question, turning around and bending forward, pressing your upper body down to the floor and presenting your backside to him. He lands a couple of slaps on your cheeks and you flinch, moaning out softly. Your pussy already feels slick with arousal.

“What do you say?” he asks, rubbing his hand over the heated skin.

“Thank you, sir,” you whisper.

Another slap hits you. “Do you know what you did to deserve this?”

You wrack your brain for a few moments, but come up blank.

“I- no, sir.” Your voice is small and breathy, your body bracing for the impact of his hand again.

He chuckles. “Nothing. I just felt like it.” Another slap. “And you’re mine to do as I please, isn’t that right?” Your thighs are trembling. You’re so wet that it feels like you’re dripping onto the floor.

“Yes, sir. Thank you.”

“You know what’s the most fucked up about this?” He crouches down beside your face and strokes your cheek softly, smiling down at you. “How much you whore like it.”

He straightens up and heads for the stairs. “Bedroom, come on.”

You don’t even try standing up, knowing that he won’t let you, and crawl behind him, which earns you another chuckle and a “good girl”.

The image of your naked form on your knees behind Dave who hasn’t removed a stitch of clothing sends another bolt of arousal through you. You’re desperate for him to touch you.

He roughly lifts you up and manhandles you onto the bed until you’re spread out underneath him.

“So…” He grabs your wrists and holds them over your head, pressing them into the mattress. “These stay right here, you hear me? Don’t move, or do I have to restrain you?”

You pout at the prospect of not being allowed to put your hands on him, but obediently hold them in place when he eases his grip on you. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

He grins down at you. “I know you will. Got my girl well trained, haven’t I?”

His words make your pussy clench around nothing and your “yes, sir” comes out in a whimper.

He leans in closer, spreading your thighs wider with his body and you force yourself not to buck your hips up against him. The craving for any part of him to touch you, for any kind of friction, is overwhelming.

“Please, sir,” you whisper. Your pleading eyes hold his cold gaze as he’s leaning over you.

“Patience,” he growls. “Open your mouth.” A disapproving click of his tongue. “Wider.”

You part your lips as widely as you can, sticking your tongue out and trying not to squirm against the sheets. He remains motionless for a few seconds, taking in your desperate state with a cruel smirk on his face.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, more to himself than to you. Then he tips his head forward and spits into your waiting mouth. The filthy feeling of his saliva coating your tongue and filling your mouth almost drives you insane with want and you groan, shifting against his thick thighs between yours, but to no avail. You wait for his next command, your mouth still wide open, not daring to swallow before he tells you to.

But no command comes. Instead, he reaches up to press two fingers down on your tongue, dipping into your mouth and smearing your combined spit over your face. The silver band on his ring finger is cool against your skin and you shudder, loving the reminder that he’s really, entirely yours.

Your body feels like it’s burning up, your hands are twitching and you’re desperate to move them, to touch him, to do something, but you hold yourself still until he finally tells you to, “swallow, baby.”

He smiles and finds your lips for a surprisingly soft kiss, cupping your face in his hands. “You’re being so good,” he tells you gently. “Are you having fun?”

“Yes,” you smile, chasing his lips when he pulls back, but he tuts at you and you fall back against the bed, huffing out a breath. “Just… please.”

“Patience,” he reminds you, the softness gone as quick as it came. “Don’t make me tell you again.”

You bite your lip, but stay put while he stands up to finally start removing his clothes. He’s agonizingly slow with it, holding your hungry gaze while he unbuttons his shirt in unhurried movements that make you want to tear the clothes off his body yourself.

You drink him in, first the sight of his broad chest and his strong shoulders, then his muscular legs, and finally, making your mouth water and your pussy burn with desire, his cock.

As much as he keeps taunting you, you know him well enough by now to be able to tell that he’s just as desperate for you as you are for him, even when he’s trying to conceal it. He returns to you, sitting back on his haunches and drinking you in, until after what feels like hours, he finally reaches out and swirls his fingers through the wetness between your legs. It’s a barely there touch, but you’re so painfully turned on and sensitive that you let out a gasp.

“So fucking wet,” he marvels and applies the slightest bit of pressure to your clit. It’s enough to make you see stars and you’re sure that he could make you come just from this. But, of course he won’t. He laughs at your reaction and retracts his hand to lean forward instead until he’s on top of you again, your legs spread wide to accommodate him and his cock slides through your folds.

He lowers his head to nip and suck at the skin under your jaw, one hand toying with your breasts and your hardened nipples. Your whole body is buzzing, he’s so close and it’s so much, but it’s not enough, not enough, not enough.

“What do you want, baby?” he asks, peppering your skin with kisses and rocking his hips in small movements that make his cock nudge at your clit over and over.

“F-fuck me, please, I’ll do anything,” you beg, your body still obediently stretched out underneath him with your arms above your head. He nods wordlessly and reaches down to position himself at your soaking entrance.

“Be as loud as you want,” he growls against your neck. “I missed making you scream.”

He bites at your skin at the same time as his thrust into you punches the air from your lungs. You scream, just like he asked, as he hammers into you, his lips still attached to your neck, sucking and biting at the delicate skin. The sensation of finally being filled by him, of feeling the stinging stretch of the way he forcefully pounds into you is like heaven. You think that you’re talking, crying out a mix of his name and sir and please over and over.

You’re flying towards your climax and judging from his groans, he can already feel you tighten around him.

“Go ahead,” he groans, before you’ve even strung the words to ask for permission together in your mind. “Come for me, sweetheart.”

He pinches your nipple just once and the additional sensation is enough to send you flying, your pussy clenching around his cock and drenching him in your arousal as you scream out his name. It’s pure bliss, and you never want to come down.

“That’s it,” he growls, not slowing his movements, fucking you through the aftershocks until you’re a whining mess beneath him, “that’s my perfect girl, fuck-”

You force your eyes open to smile up at him, taking in the wrecked expression on his face, relishing in the knowledge that you’re the one to make him look like this. You just really wish you could touch him.

“P-please, can I-” you’re breathless, barely able to speak, and jerk your head towards your hands above you.

“Yeah,” he rasps, his thrusts somehow growing even more forceful, “do whatever you want, baby.”

Your hands fly towards his body, touching every inch of his skin that you can reach, nails digging into his back and fingers grasping at his hair, pulling him closer, closer, until he’s everywhere, all you can see, all you can taste, all you can feel.

“Fuck!” he swears, grabbing your shoulders and holding you in place as he’s pounding into you, “give me another one, touch yourself, come on-”

His thrusts are becoming erratic and you know that he’s close to his own climax. It only takes a few swipes of your fingers over your clit until you’re coming again, soaring through the heights of your pleasure, your whole body trembling with your release. Dave’s hips stutter and he comes with a shout, pulsing inside of your fluttering pussy until finally, you both still.

He drops his sweat-slicked forehead against your chest, peppering your skin with kisses and engulfing you in the warmth of his arms. After cleaning you up, he moves your bodies until you’re tucked against his side, one arm thrown across his chest while he holds you close.

You’ll never get tired of the feeling of his naked body against yours, of the way he feels like he was made for you. By now, you can admit that he had always felt like this.

“I love you,” he says, lips moving against your hair.

You press your face deeper into his neck. “I love you.”

It’s easy, now. Words that you say every day.

…and i love YOU, thank you for reading! 🤍 if you liked this, a reblog or a comment would absolutely make my day.

#janas fics #the dress series #dave york #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #pedrostories #pedro pascal fanfiction #dave york fanfiction #dave york smut #dave york x reader #dave york x you #dave york x female reader #dave york x f!reader

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iuciferic · 2 months

Text

I usually don’t make text posts on tumblr because I use this site as an archive for the artwork I post online and I think keeping boundaries online is good. But it’s way too long for Twitter and I’m thanking people who use tumblr in it. But I’ve been self reflecting. Well actually, I’ve been reading the work of Nagata Kabi so it inspired me to write this. This is NOT a negative post btw.

TLDR: if I don’t believe in myself, I gotta believe in the people who believe in me

So. I’m my biggest critic, constantly annoyed at how slow my skills progress, unable to see the good or a single quality in it, basically just posting it the same way you’d hand over a test you clearly failed but at least you tried. Well, today I was scrolling my own blog and scrutinizing my own work. But in between all the work there were all those asks from people who made the step forward to come and express what they think about it. Usually when this happens I brush it off as “oh well, they’re just trying to be nice. I will thank them because I appreciate their kindness in trying to make me feel better”. But if it was the case, they’d probably just leave a like or, they don’t know me so they’d probably just ignore it. I kept reading everyone’s asks inbetween criticizing myself and it made me realize, while criticizing myself is GOOD (it means I see my past mistakes and I’m one step closer to improving), I focus too much on the negative. Some asks were pointing things I never notice about my own work. I think it’s like our own appearance. Many of us will think it’s nothing special but other people will like it. Actually this might be a bad analogy.

I wanted to thank each person (who was off anon so I could directly message them) individually but I’m actually a very shy person and I felt embarrassed like “hey, uhh, yeah that asks you probably don’t remember you sent? I read it 2 months later again and I’d like to thank you again”. I assume replying to old stuff is universally seen as weird by other people. The people might be weirded out. But in case any of you read it (anon or not, know that I am really thankful for everything and it’s thanks to you that I’m having this surge of happiness right now).

This triggered a lot of memories. Back in October, when I was drawing a lot of armored core stuff, I got an email in Japanese. At first I thought it was some google translated bot but, it was actually proper Japanese (if easy to make the difference, even if your level is low). The person was complimenting my armored core stuff and later they actually revealed themselves on twitter. It made my week to know that someone would write such a long email just because they saw what was to me a picture online I just felt “meh” about, saying that they wanted to learn to draw now. (The email was very long, I can’t just dismiss someone writing all that)

Also since I was laid off from my studio job last year, I still received freelance work doing concepts and IU for smaller games (and was even requested to do more work for the previously mentioned studio) and was able to live comfortably thanks to that. But to me it was nothing, like I refused to acknowledge my own achievements. I mean everyone has a job. Why would I congratulate myself? Because you’re doing the job you’ve always dreamed of. Yeah, it’s not a in-house permanent contract, sure I’m not working on AAA, but freelance work is still work and small indie games are often the ones doing unique and interesting things. Plus it’s not the 90’s anymore where you could have a part time job on something that would become a cult classic. The joy I felt the first time I’ve seen my name in the credits roll of a game felt like a victory after a long battle. So yeah.

I still DO need to improve drastically if I want to grow as an artist and get hired on bigger projects and have the career I dream of. (I also need to keep studying for my N2 haha). But I’m happy of what I’ve achieved so far and I’m thankful from the bottom of my heart for the people who voiced themselves to remind me to stop looking at a small detail instead of the bigger picture. We’re all works-In-progress so even if we’ve been shitters so far, doesn’t meant it’s over and we can’t get better. Also I’m conscious I’m lucky enough to have people voicing their feedback, while smaller artists don’t. If anyone has ever complimented your artwork, I would advise to read what they said again.

Also I’ve been contracted to do creature/monster design on a console game starting next week so I’m going to go and beat FF7 Rebirth in 4 days before I’m unable to play it for the rest of the month. 🫡

#this felt therapeutic to write #Kyou.txt #humans are hard to draw - machine and monsters better

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komoreibi · 2 years

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Can you do some fluff long distance headcanons with ran, rindou and kazutora pretty please?👉👈

sure!! i hope they’re alright, i feel a bit eh. about these hcs ngl ;w;

note: they are from different timelines as requested after chatting with requester~ // gn!reader

．・LDR with kazutora, ran, and rindou (hcs)

ーーー

hanemiya kazutora (post bloody halloween timeline)

kazutora is kind of used to talking to people long distance - he’s been in juvie twice where he was only allowed the occasional visit and basically lived off of letters from his closest friends

so when you told him that you were moving away and how anxious you were about your relationship, he was a sad that he wouldn’t be able to see you everyday, but he was also quick to reassure you that things would be fine

“you know, now we both have smartphones, so i’ll send you messages everyday. it’ll be like we’re right next to each other all the time.”

tora would probably buy you two matching keychains for your phones, like... a cute tiger thing but in slightly different colours for the two of you.

“so you’ll think of me everyday.”

“kazutora... you know i would already...”

but once in a while, he does also send a handwritten letter to you with a polaroid to keep!

he gives small presents, but they’re always well thought of and full of love <3

the best was a handkerchief which he sprayed with his cologne.

generally, he’s probably the calmest if he were put in an ldr situation ><

and when you two finally get to meet again, he would be running over and hugging you real real tight~

haitani rindou (tenjiku)

side note but i ALWAYS want to make rindou look good because 2nd best bf in tenjiku but ANYWAYS

rindou is a man that loves you very very much and he wants that to be known, even if you’re miles apart.

and it’s also partly because he can’t stand being away from you for so long :(

since we’re talking tenjiku, i do believe smartphones weren’t that big yet so... he also has to write letters and EMAILS OMGGGG EMAILS

he’ll attach photos and videos of what he’s doing throughout the day

and the thing he looks forward to the most every week is getting to read your letters or emails!!

he has a box where he stores all your letters and sometimes on days he really misses you, he’ll open them up and start reading them all over again…

umm assuming you two shared an apartment before you moved away, he would always hug your pillow at night to sleep :,(

he got used to cuddling you to sleep and now you’re not there so :((( it feels empty…

obvs hes not gonna tell u tho

thank GOD ran lives with him

rin is Down Bad i tell u

last thing omg.

rindou once sent you a CD in the mail and it was all just your favourite songs and remixes he made to suit your preferences

and at the end was an original song he wrote for you??!?!?!

you can practically hear his voice cracking nervously and him clearing his throat, but it’s so endearing you absolutely love it.

and at the end is “i love you. we’ll see each other soon.”

haitani ran (bonten)

i have a hc that ran is a bit of a bad texter

like. u know people who read ur message on the lockscreen and think of a reply, so they thought they replied but actually they didn’t?

yeah that’s ran

HOWEVER !

he changes a little when you move and you two can’t see each other so often.

mainly because he’s itching to text you all the time

will randomly send “this reminded me of you” pictures and it’s some weird ass meme that rindou sent to him but also some are those like

“this could be us but you’re halfway across the world :(” memes

he also likes to send voice messages telling you he loves you <3

hitn ran asmr pls

and on that note

nsfw just for ran below the cut <3 (minors do not read pls!)

some of the audio he sends is him moaning ur name while jerking off like my GUY CALM DOWN IT IS 2 IN THE AFTERNOON FOR U!!!

ran also sends dick pics or like a picture of him grabbing his bulge through his pants and it’s always captioned something

“fuck i miss you so much”

also sometimes sends a video of him jerking off to you and a message after like “a little gift for you <3”

he’s so horny someone stop him

at this point you’ve received more porn attachments from him than non-porn attachments.

ran also likes mailing you stuff (read lingerie) and asks you to send pictures of you wearing it.

cue another picture of his hard-on

honestly he thinks this is really fun and makes finally being able to meet you again all the better with all the pent up tension <3

#kazutora x reader #hanemiya kazutora #haitani ran #haitani ran x reader #haitani rindou #haitani rindou x reader #tokyo revengers fluff #tokyo revengers imagines #tokyo revengers x reader #gn!reader #tokyo revengers smut #haitani ran smut #rei.writes

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kidney9-9 · 2 years

Text

Scandals - Tony Stark

Anonymous asked:

Hey if you don’t mind, could you write a SMUT & fluff for reader x Tony stark... can you also add an element of secret relationship being exposed.... Thanks, 😊

Thanks for sending this in anon! Hope you enjoy :) Please read the warnings. Requests are open!

Tony Stark x Reader [Smut/Fluff] Warnings: Smut, cursing, no protection (pretty please use protection irl), hand job Word Count: 3.1k

You enjoyed working as an assistant to the Avengers, and specifically Tony, even though it was a hard job. It required you to move into the Compound, do basic chores for the Avengers that the others couldn’t do, and schedule a fuck ton of meetings. That was probably the hardest part of the job – the meetings and accidentally scheduling it wrong because of the time differences or when people were late, it all fell onto you.

But the thing about meetings that actually made you very happy was that you were able to pull Tony out whenever you wanted.

He liked that too, a lot, especially since you two started dating. You’ve been in a relationship for about three and a half months now, and you both agreed to keep it quiet. It would be a mess if the public knew that you were dating one of your bosses, especially since he’s a part of the Avengers. Tony even added that the two of you couldn’t tell any of the coworkers, or the rest of the Avengers since it was kind of scandalous.

Today had been extra stressful since one of the other assistants had taken the day off, so you took over his duties. You sat down on one of the chairs in one of the breakrooms, typing on your laptop. You were sending emails to the rest of the group of assistants and interns to direct them what to do and where to go.

“Ugh,” You groaned, as your laptop started to freeze up. Quickly, you took out your phone and sent the rest of the directions as planned and then tried to see what was going on with your laptop. Every time you moved your mouse, it would freeze the screen for up to ten seconds or so.

You unplugged the mouse, thinking that might be causing the issue but it made it worse, as your laptop’s screen turned blue and froze completely.

“Fuck this. Why is it acting up now? Of all days to act up, it does it now?” You were talking to yourself, irritated and very annoyed. You swirled around in the chair, trying not to get angry as you looked through the messages on your phone.

You sent a message to Tony, “Are you busy right now,”you sent it quickly. Almost instantly you got a message back from him, “Nope! Everything is cancelled.” You furrowed your eyebrows and laughed; a bit confused.

“What do you mean everything’s cancelled?” You texted back, and then went into the calendar app on your phone and checked the schedule. It looked like he wasn’t busy at the moment, but he had an interview with Bruce and Thor about public safety in an hour and a half.

“I’m cancelling everything now because you just texted me,” He responded to your text and you scoffed, letting out a small laugh again at his message. No way he would do that! He’d mess everything up for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow because there were three more interviews he had to be in, including one in DC, where he also had an important meeting, he had to go to.

If he cancelled it all now, it would ruin the schedule!

You called him instead of texting, now worried that he was actually cancelling things. It would be a huge mess if he did, and he’d piss off so many people. He answered after the third ring, “Hey, where are you?” He didn’t even say anything about cancelling things, and you scoffed again – this time making him hear it.

“Hey? What? What are you talking about, with cancelling things? You can’t cancel things without letting everyone else know and this isn’t the right time or day to cancel things, you know. Everyone’s going to be so angry with you! You have an interview soon.” You rambled to him, worry growing in your tone, and he giggled back.

“Aw, I love when you’re angry with me. So cute.” He replied but then cut you off quickly with, “Also, where are you? Don’t make me say it again.” You rolled your eyes at his response.

“In breakroom A3. Why?”

“So, I can see you. You never text me during work, what’s happening?” His explanation made you remember your laptop problems and you told him what it was, and he gasped, “Oh! So, you didn’t want to see me?” His question wasn’t meant to be answered but you sighed into the phone.

“I’d love to see you – we’re just busy.” You replied, spinning again in the chair.

“And… we’re going to see each other. Screw interviews and meetings and that type of dumb stuff.” Tony spoke, and you could start to hear his footsteps and voice from outside the room. You rolled your eyes at how he disregarded everything but stood up and opened the door.

“We’re alone?” He whispered to you, glancing at the door from the outside and once you nodded, he smiled happily. He guided you back inside with one of his hands and quickly shut the door and locked it. When he glanced around the room, he pulled you back and gave you a hug.

“I missed you.” He mumbled into your ear from behind. You grinned and slowly tuned around in his grasp and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Missed you too, but I seriously need some help with my laptop.” You responded, chuckling when he groaned at the mention of work. He pulled away from the hug after a few moments and walked over to the desk with your laptop.

When he saw the screen, he hissed in a breath of air and then glanced over to you, “Damn, did you voluntarily download viruses or something?” You shook your head at him, confused since last time you saw the screen it was blue.

But now it was back to your emails, and it was mostly covered with erotic advertisements and clickable links. “Oh shit, no I didn’t! It was just a blue screen a few minutes ago.” You explained, laughing at one of the commercials that popped up. Tony shook his head with wide eyes.

“Yeah, no I don’t think I can just fix this in a few minutes. I work better with other types of things.” He shrugged back but continued, “I can try to fix it tonight or get you a new one.” You nodded to him, sighing. You didn’t say anything back because you were bummed out, but he walked back to you with a grin.

“I know something that’ll cheer you up.” He mumbled to you cheekily as he leaned closer and kissed the side of your neck.

“Oh! Are you sure you have time?” You chuckled, a bit teasingly to him and he shook his head against you.

“Do you have time? You’re always running about, feels like you’re busier that me. I miss seeing you.” He whispered up to your ear and you breathed in, feeling his lips touch a sensitive part.

“I always have time for you, handsome.” You replied, letting him push you back against the wall. You looked to the door quickly, noting that it is locked so it would be ok. He sighed, smiling softly to you as he admired you.

“Shh, don’t let anyone hear you.” He joked, closing the gap to kiss your lips. He teased you, biting gently and pulling your lip before letting go and licking over where he bit as you gasped. He quickly let his tongue out and smoothed it over yours, breaths hitting each other as you two started to pant at the kiss.

One of his hands went into your hair, gripping it gently and playing with it, twirling with his fingers. You pressed him against you harder, moaning as you felt your panties dampen start to dampen. His other hand wedged between the two of you, unbuttoning your shirt.

“Do you think we can do this? What if there’s an emergency?” You whispered breathlessly against his face, pulling away from the kiss. He tried to kiss you again, but he stopped himself and nodded, “They can wait.”

You laughed against his mouth, agreeing with him. It’ll only take a bit of time up in his schedule… it should be fine. You two continued to kiss more passionately, and Tony finally unbuttoned the entirety of your shirt, sliding it off your shoulders and letting it drop onto the floor.

His kisses moved down to your chest, and he even started to lick in small areas as he undid your bra. You helped him take it off this time, and he groaned lowly, kissing down at your exposed breasts, and started to grope and feel your nipples, kissing one and then the other, paying them equal attention. You started to whimper at the sensations, tugging at his hair and pushing his head down to continue.

“I love this so much; we should do this more often. Think you can fit it in the schedule as… meditation?” Tony asked, his eyes trailing up to watch your reactions. You grinned down to him and nodded, breathing heavily.

“Yeah, of course. I think you have an afternoon slot next week; we can do it then.” You responded and he laughed, nodding against you as he started to move his mouth back up to yours, meeting you in a kiss. You started to focus on taking his pants off, after feeling his boner against your pants.

“Ah fuck,” He stumbled out, something of a moan. He tugged his pants down just slightly and pulled down his underwear as well. His dick bounced up freely and he groaned loudly, his head throwing back as you grasped him gently.

You pulled your hand away to spit into it, and then went back. You smoothed your thumb around the tip, causing him to breath more erratically, groaning your name as he moved to lean his head against your shoulder.

“Is this ok, Tony?” You mumbled to him, smiling when you noticed the sweat dripping off his face. He nodded, unable to speak as you started to move your hand up and down, to jerk his cock off. You started to go faster and harder, gripping him even tighter than before.

One of his hands went back to grip one of your tits, squeezing tightly as you started to press a few fingers against his slit. “Fuck, you’re always so hot. All the time.” Tony began to ramble, opening his mouth as he tried to press his lips against your neck.

“I don’t want to cum like this.” He stopped you quickly after, a bit hesitantly. He did want to follow through, but he wanted to fuck you more.

“How do you want to cum?” You responded, stopping in your actions. You let go of his dick and he swore under his breath, shaking his head at himself.

“In you, with you.” He groaned out, his hips shaking slightly. You grinned excitedly, “Aw, really?”

“Yes, really. Fuck, we need to do this a lot more often.” He sighed, leaning down to kiss your neck. His kisses were sloppy and messy, wet from his spit as well. He bit you gently a few times as you started to push your pants down, with your underwear.

Once they were down, you noticed your phone fell as well, and the screen turned on, showing the time. You gasped at the time, “Oh fuck, Tony we really need to hurry this up.” You realized how close it was to being an hour and a half now, and you tugged him close.

“I don’t care about being late to a fucking meeting. They will wait for me.” Tony complained but he quickly helped move along as he found your entrance and slowly moved in. You both breathed out heavily at the sensation.

“It’s an interview! And they can’t wait for you, it’s live television.” You explained, laughing at the absurdity. He raised his eyebrows for a moment back to you, as if he was really contemplating staying or going before he shook his head and shrugged.

“They’ll wait. I’m Tony Stark.”

“This better not fall on me – I don’t want to be blamed for this.” You mumbled, gasping as he started to push into you completely. His hips started to thrust repeatedly, and he went straight to your neck, ignoring your words as he started to messily kiss at your neck, breathing in the perfume you put on it this morning.

“I’m serious, Tony.” You tried to scold him, but a moan broke past your lips as you started to hold onto his shoulders, nails digging into his skin.

“Yeah, I know.” He murmured back into your neck.

You knew how close he was, and you started to move your hips up to meet his thrusts, and you let go of one of his shoulder’s, feeling the need to pleasure yourself a little more since you two needed to rush. Tony pulled back, glancing down at your actions, and started to help you, adding his hand next to yours.

He circled his thumb around your clit roughly and quick making you gasp loudly, head hitting back against the wall.

“Oh, fuck! That feels really good.” You moaned, eyes closing tightly as he did it over again and you started to shake against him. His thrusts started to slow a bit, as he was focusing on you more.

“Mm, I bet. You know what’ll be even better?” Tony spoke up, grunting slightly as you tightened against his dick.

“What?” You whispered, breathing in and out heavily.

“Let’s come together, I want to feel you fall apart with me.”

You nodded instantly, liking his idea. You were getting close too, and you pressed yourself up against his touch and he started to add more pressure onto your clit, rubbing up and down onto it and around it, and he had a hold of your hand down there as well. He guided you into pressing down against your clit too, just as he was doing.

“I think I’m about to,” You paused as another moan interrupted your speech and he chuckled, agreeing with you.

“Ok, come with me.” He responded and he kissed your chin softly.

He started to go faster again with his thrusts, moaning out your name and a few other things that you couldn’t really understand. Each time he thrusted, you felt yourself getting even closer to your climax and then finally, you let go.

Oh, you felt everything fall apart in you. The warmness spread all across your body as you started to come, and your knees buckled, but he pushed you harder against the wall, keeping you where you were. You felt his cum spread into you as well, shooting upwards and you moaned out his name, gasping and scratching at his back.

“Oh fuck,” He stumbled out, face twisted in pleasure, panting out. He kept himself inside you for a few moments as the two of you started to breathe normally again.

You felt like you were weak all over, but it didn’t matter. You moved your head to the side, glancing down to your phone.

“Oh shit, Tony!” You yelled out, the bliss from just moments ago disappeared. The time showed you that Tony was supposed to be at least ten minutes into the interview, and that you had at least twenty messages from some of your other coworkers.

“Hm?” He barely got out as you pushed him away, rushing to put your clothes back on.

“The time! You need to get out of here!” You shouted, shaking your head. Your legs were all sticky and gooey, and you glanced over to him, eyes widening at his appearance. Oh fuck, you really messed him up.

“Uh, no. They’ll wait. They like to wait.” Tony disagreed, wiping a hand through his hair, but he did start to dress himself back with your help. You tried to fix his hair a bit, but it was too messy.

“Babe, no they don’t. They like it when everyone’s on time.” You stressed out, groaning as you reached for your phone.

You didn’t realize you pressed onto Bruce’s contact name, that popped up because he tried calling you. You set your phone down as Tony struggled with his zipper.

“Like I said, it’s ok. They will wait for me because of who I am. It’s like a game.” Tony chuckled, finding it amusing at how stressed you seemed over this interview.

“It’s not ok! We just spent the last – who knows how long, fucking!” You replied, pushing your hands up against your face as you sighed.

“You mean meditation.” He laughed but he quieted down when he glanced over to you.

“I’m sorry, I’ll go now.” He mumbled and walked over to you. He hugged you for a few moments and kissed your forehead.

“You can’t go looking like that!” You gasped at him.

“I’ve been called sleezy before, it’s part of my charm, don’t worry about it. I’m sure they’ll edit my face.” He tried to explain but then paused and scrunched his nose, “Wait, it’s live television, they can’t edit that.”

“Exactly! Oh fuck, just get out of here already. I cleaned you up the best that I could.” You emphasized. He nodded and without much else, he started to walk to the door.

“That was some good meditation, by the way.” He chuckled and then waved goodbye.

You followed him out the door after a few seconds, rushing to go to the bathroom to go fix yourself up a bit to look presentable.

As you rounded a corner, you glanced into one of the rooms, seeing that the TV was on, and it was on the channel that Tony was supposed to be with at the moment. You paused to see what was happening, and just barely you heard it – “his assistant?”

You tensed up, listening in more as you hoped that it wasn’t what you thought it was about. “I’m pretty sure they were just meditating, nothing more.” Thor spoke loudly and clearly, and you gasped. The camera zoomed into Bruce’s phone.

“Yeah, because Tony is obviously a meditation kind of guy.” Bruce chuckled and then continued, “But I am sure that it was nothing bad. I think my phone connection isn’t that good and it cut out a few times.”

You didn’t know what to even think as everything dawned on you. You left your phone in there, and you must’ve pressed his contact and you didn’t see it. And the entirety of the audience of this interview knew what you and Tony were just talking about.

“Oh, fuck me.” You sighed, “Not another fucking scandal.”

#tony stark #tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #iron man x reader #iron man x you #tony stark smut #marvel smut

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enchantcdstories · 2 years

Text

Proper Love- Love Letter

Summary:

You had found the note in the trash, crumpled up with the ink smudged roughly all over the paper. You weren’t known for going through the trash, but when half of the bin was full of balled up paper balls– you got suspicious. You had guessed it was notes from one of the many study sessions Steven had to keep himself awake, the way he would spend hours upon hours copying down pages of text before eventually giving in to sleep. Upon stretching the paper and smoothing it down, you didn’t find copious notes on egyptian gods and goddesses, but instead a letter. A letter to you. Half the words were scribbled out, though you could still make them out, and there was a spill of tea staining the edge, but it was still a better directed to you. Your heart thumped nervously in your chest as you read it.

Dearest y/n,

To my buddy,

To y/n,

Y/n,

Who actually writes letters anymore? This is rubbish.

I’m not sure how to start this. I feel like I should be writing this in an email instead, save a tree, ya know?

Pure rubbish, this is.

You won’t read this, probably because I’ve written out ten other notes and all tossed those too, so that’ll probably be how this one ends up. Don’t know why I’m so scared to do this. I should be telling you all this in person, this is like breaking up with someone over text. Not that I’m breaking up with you! I think we need to start dating to do that first…

Which is I guess what I’m writing this letter for me. Dating, I mean. I want to do it. I read up that writing a letter to confess feelings was more…romantic. I guess I never was great in that department, was I? I’m trying, love, I am. I guess I’ve done it now then? Basically told you what the point of this is? I think I fancy you. Not think. I know. I know I fancy you. Love you, in fact.

I love you, Y/n, which is…terrifying. I feel terrified. Terrified that you probably don’t feel the same or that you’ll take this as offending and I’d never forgive myself for that. Love shouldn’t be terrifying, it’s bubbly and happy and makes me light up when I see you. But if you don’t feel the way I do for you, then I can’t just sit around the flat and mope, now can I? I can write more letters if that helps me. Got to respect your wishes and let you go.

I’m rambling on now. It’s too long of a letter to just say the words ‘I fancy you, wanna go out to get dinner or something?’. Why can’t I just say those words to you? I don’t wanna hide it anymore, love.

I don’t wanna watch you leave my flat anymore either. I want you to stay here and see you when you wake up, when you go to sleep. I’ll clean up the flat, I promise. No more piles of books, no more sand, I promise.

I want to stop imagining spending the rest of my life with you, because I can’t know you’ll want that too.

Don’t know if I feel better about writing this, I think it’s just making my heart ache for you a bit more, yeah. I think it’s made me realize how much I love you. More than just a little crush that I had when we worked shifts together at the museum. It’s turned into proper love now. Maybe writing this will help me realize that I don’t deserve that, proper love.

Blimey, this took a turn.

Don’t know what else to say to you, darling. I love you. You won’t read this. Yeah.

Always yours,

Steven

#Moon Knight #Steven Grant #Steven Grant x reader #love letter #unbeta'd

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tngrace · 2 years

Text

Hold Onto Me

This is my Big Bang Fic for @911lsbb I had such fun writing it. I may not be active in the fandom right now (and honestly Idk if that will change in the future or not) I am very excited to get this posted. If it is my last 911 LS/Tarlos fic, just know there was a lot of love and hard work poured into it and I’m so very proud of it. 20K words below the cut

Artwork by the fabulous @reyeslonestar - Alex I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love these 2 pieces. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for making these 2 scenes come to life.

Text dividers found on tumblr @poison-aesthetics

Read on A03; 911LS Masterlist

Summary: Carlos joins the Army instead of the Police Academy. TK becomes a baker instead of a firefighter. They happen to meet at a bakery in Austin; TK is a baker there, only been there a few months, when he meets Carlos who is home on a short leave. That chance meeting leads to a friendship that develops over texts and emails until Carlos is medically discharged from the Army.

Tags: see below

For as long as he could remember, Carlos Reyes wanted to be a cop when he grew up. He wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, but not exactly in them. He’d always looked up to his father, and his mother too if he was being honest. As he got older and discovered more of the world, he felt like he could do more for his community as a police officer instead of being a Texas Ranger. When he came out to his parents at seventeen, and nothing was ever said going forward, Carlos felt like he was a disappointment to them. He wasn’t even sure his father thought he would be a good cop after that, but he never let go of the dream. The day he realized his dad thought he was “too soft” to be a cop almost crushed him; however, he promised his mom he would attempt community college to see if anything else would stick or if he would continue on to the police academy without his dad’s support.

He felt like he hid so much of himself already, he didn’t want to give up on his dream. He didn’t want to disappoint his parents any more than he thought he had, so he looked for a compromise. He tried classes for one year, but he wasn’t happy. The classes he was taking felt pointless, and it wasn’t anything that interested him as he couldn’t start in criminal justice classes until he got most of the basics out of the way. Unfortunately, he had not been like some of his fellow high school students that took some of their entry level college classes their junior and senior years. College felt like a never-ending chore, and by the end of his first semester, he was looking for a way out.

Every couple of weeks he would see military recruiters around campus, but it wasn’t until some of them actually stopped him a few weeks into his second semester that he considered what they were offering. The two Sergeants shared their stories and their mission, and their words really resonated with Carlos. The whole time all he could think was maybe this was finally the thing that would make his dad proud, would “toughen him up” so he could be a good police officer if he still wanted that once he was out. His mama cried when he told them he’d enlisted for five years, and his dad never said a word. Carlos wasn’t sure disappointment was the word to use to describe how their reactions made him feel, but he was following this through with or without their approval.

He was stationed at Fort Benning after ten weeks of basic training. Training was tough, but he didn’t mind it and he excelled at it thanks to his years working the ranch. He wrote to his parents and his sisters as much as possible, and his mom always sent letters and care packages back. He knew she missed him, but he finally felt like he was somewhere he belonged, somewhere where he was going to make a difference.

Being stateside was different and not exactly what he was expecting when he joined up, but it also wasn’t bad. He was able to complete specialist training while at base, as well as make friends within his unit. It was more relaxed than basic, but they still had training exercises to keep them in top shape. He and a guy named Colton from North Carolina became really close friends, connecting over their southern roots and families. Colton was the wild to Carlos’s tame, but they were almost inseparable around base and really balanced each other out. The unit had nicknamed them double C, and the boys rolled with it, finding it funny.

TK Strand fell in love with baking when he was eight years old. Gwyn let him help make cookies and cakes when he was feeling down after the divorce was final. It was a way for them to bond and a way for her to keep his mind off his dad not showing up. The first time he went to rehab at fifteen, he didn’t really take it seriously. He did what he was supposed to do to go home, and for a few months after he got out, he stayed clean. But he didn’t connect with the therapist, and as soon as his parents went back to their normal ways, so did he.

The news of their first deployment came at the end of Carlos’s first official year in the Army. They were given leave to return home before they deployed out, and Carlos was able to spend Christmas with his family. He broke the news as soon as he was home, wanting to get it out of the way. His mama cried once more, and his dad told him to be careful and come home. Carlos wasn’t sure if they were proud of him or not, but he felt like they might be. He wasn’t sure what deployment would be like, but he felt ready for it. The first week in January 2016 he deployed with his unit to Afghanistan for six months.

The second time he went, at seventeen almost eighteen, he was paired with a therapist he really connected with once he was released from rehab. He shares more than he ever initially intended to with her; in one of his sessions, he even shares how baking was when he felt most connected with his mother and actually had her attention. He shares how he thinks he must go to the fire academy when he graduates so he can have his father’s attention and be connected to him. They explore more than TK ever thought could be possible, and he learns a lot about himself and why he makes some of the decisions he does.

He feels like he’s at loose ends once graduation and summer break hit. He’s waiting on his application to be processed for the fire academy, but he’s not sure he’ll get in with his two stints in rehab. He shares these feelings with his therapist, and she makes some suggestions for hobbies to keep him occupied. One of her suggestions is some culinary classes since he seemed to really like baking. TK isn’t so sure about it - it doesn’t seem like something his parents would be proud of him for, but he agrees to look into it. He doesn’t tell his parents; his mom is away on a case, and his dad keeps promising he’s a shoo in for the fire academy. He and a random date go to a couples cooking class one night at TK’s suggestion so he can get a feel of what it would be like, and TK really enjoys it more than he thought he would. The date doesn’t go anywhere, and TK is surprisingly ok with it, focused more on how the class left him feeling.

He decides to apply to culinary school in the city just to see what happens. He keeps this from his parents as well, only telling Enzo when Enzo finds the school information in his room. Enzo encourages him to pursue it, promising that he will keep it to himself, until TK wants to tell his parents. TK appreciates how Enzo listens and respects him, and he’s the first person TK tells when he gets accepted. He doesn’t pick a specialty, electing to take classes in everything. He loves baking, but he wants to expand and push himself into learning everything. His parent’s take the news better than he expected, TK wondering if Enzo talked to them after all; TK excels at culinary school, ending at the top of his class. His therapist is really proud of him as well, and TK learns to be proud of himself.

When it comes time for his internship, he picks a NYC restaurant from the list presented to them. It ends up being fancier than he expected, and while it’s challenging and pushes him to do his best, it’s too fancy for him. Before his internship is over, he’s already looking forward to where he wants to go next. He’d gotten accepted to the fire academy halfway through his courses, but that doesn’t feel like the right fit anymore. He meets Derek in the middle of his internship, and Derek seems like the perfect fit in his life. They have a lot in common, and they just seem to click. Derek accepts him, past and all, and TK falls quickly.

Once his internship is up, he ends up bouncing around some restaurants in NYC. He doesn’t find one that makes him really happy, so he gets a second job at a local bakery he loves. It’s not a permanent position though, so TK keeps trying in actual restaurants. TK feels Derek pulling away the more unhappy TK becomes with work, the more he switches jobs, and eventually he learns that Derek has been seeing other people behind his back. He’s crushed; he truly thought Derek might be the one. The day he moves back into his dad’s apartment, he learns his mom and Enzo are splitting, his dad has a new girlfriend that he doesn't like, and he just quit the third restaurant he’d been at since his internship. He books an emergency session with his therapist the day after he finds out because he doesn’t trust himself. Instead of dwelling on his spiraling life, he spends the night looking for another job, preferably a bakery position, but this time he doesn’t limit himself to just NYC.

When he shares this with his therapist the next day, he’s not surprised when she agrees that maybe getting out of the city is what he needs. He tells her everything, not holding back because he trusts her, and she reminds him how he’s made the right decisions and she’s proud of him. His parents don’t take the news all that well when he tells them he’s taking a bakery position in Austin, TX, but they understand his need to get out of the city and support him because they see he is making healthy decisions instead of unhealthy ones. TK made the move to Austin at the beginning of 2016 just after his twentieth birthday.

TK found an apartment in Austin and settled in at the bakery. Life was definitely different in Texas, and it took him some time adjusting. The bakery was nice, but it didn’t feel like the right fit. He’d signed a six-month contract though, so he was sticking it out. It took him a little while to make some friends, but once he did, he felt more settled. He met Marjan and Paul when they became regulars at the bakery. It was near their fire station, and they came in a lot before and after shift for coffees. They’d clicked right away once they got to talking, and they were the ones to show him around town.

They were also the one to introduce him to Grace and Judd Ryder, knowing TK would click with her over their love of baking. Grace and TK were instant friends, and Judd saw him as a little brother that needed some protecting. Grace showed TK around her bakery, and it felt more like home. He worked out his six-month contract, and then moved over to Grace’s bakery. They got along so well, TK made friends with the usuals, and it boosted his confidence when Grace let him bake things.

Everyone watched TK flourish, even his parents were impressed with how well he was doing. Of course, he still had some rough days, still battled his addiction, still went to meetings when things got to be too much, and still met with a therapist every couple of weeks, but he never felt happier. He finally felt like his life was going in the right direction and that he would be ok. Sure, he missed having a partner, but it felt nice to actually focus on himself and grow his life, and in time he knew he’d find the one.

Carlos’s first deployment was a major eye opener. It was a lot rougher than he expected, they lost more people than he expected, Carlos had to kill more people than he expected. He felt like a changed person when they returned to Fort Benning. Colton noticed it too, and he did his best to help Carlos cope. If it wasn’t for Colt, Carlos doesn’t know what he would’ve been like. They were stateside for two months before they were sent right back.

Because they were such a dynamic duo, their superiors sent them through a crash course of sniper training before they were redeployed. They continued their training once arriving at Bagram, and by their first mission, Carlos was considered a top Sniper. He and Colton ended up in less dangerous situations this way, but it still stayed with Carlos all the deaths he had a hand in even though he understood why it had to happen. If it wasn’t for Colton and all their long talks, Carlos isn’t sure what state his head would be in. When news came at the end of December of their return stateside, he felt grateful. They were back in Georgia by the first of January and were promised two weeks of leave after a week of debriefing. Carlos was glad to be going home.

He’d spent all of the first week and the majority of the second hiding out at the ranch. He enjoyed the peacefulness of the ranch and not having to think about anything or anyone. He didn’t have to think about the things he’d seen and done overseas. He can just forget about it and get lost in the routine of living and working on the ranch. Colton still checked in via phone calls and texts, and Carlos was grateful for his best friend more than he could ever express. His mom was glad to have him home since he’d missed the holidays, and he wasn’t complaining about all the spoiling she was doing. He’d definitely missed her cooking and it was much better than Army food.

But his sister called yesterday and said she wanted to meet him in town. It’d been almost two years since he’d seen her; their schedules never lined up when he had leave. He’d seen his oldest sister on several different occasions, but not his middle sister. So, he agreed and asked where she wanted to meet. She suggested one of the bakeries in town wanting to indulge his sweet tooth, and he’d easily agreed.

It’d been a while since he’d been to this particular bakery, so he was looking forward to it. He beat his sister there, which wasn’t unusual, so he grabbed a table to wait on her. He texts her repeatedly after their agreed upon meeting time as the minutes kept ticking by and she still wasn’t there. He knew sometimes she lost track of time, but usually she would at least answer him with an excuse. It was a little unnerving that she wasn’t answering, but he also wasn’t sure he wasn’t overreacting based on his background. The bakery was mostly empty, and he didn’t see anyone he recognized, but he still felt uncomfortable just sitting there by himself.

TK’s mom and Enzo, who had finally worked out their differences and gotten back together after TK moved to Austin, had been in town visiting, and it was their last day. Unfortunately, he was stuck at work, but they had agreed to stop by and say goodbye before they left. He loved his job, and his boss was amazing, so when they showed up, he took his lunch break early to enjoy some pastries with them at Grace’s insistence. They were just saying goodbye when he noticed the guy in the corner. He was very good looking, clean cut, dressed in army fatigue pants and a tan t-shirt, but he looked really upset. TK could sympathize, assuming the guy was being stood-up on a date.

The bakery wasn't busy this time of the day. The breakfast crowd had already been through, and the after work crowd wouldn’t be in for a couple more hours. It was quiet, with just a few older people sitting in a corner so the poor guy stood out. Once he saw his mom and Enzo off with plenty of hugs and promises to see each other soon, he went over to check on the guy.

“Hi,” TK said, walking up to the table.

“Hi,” Carlos said looking up from his phone. The smile froze on his lips when he looked into the most gorgeous green eyes he’d ever seen.

“Everything ok?” At Carlos’s confused face TK remembered he left his apron behind the counter, so the guy had no way of knowing he worked there just by looking at him. “I noticed you looked a little upset and wanted to make sure everything was ok with your order,” he clarified.

“Oh. I haven't even ordered yet,” Carlos offered with a sheepish smile when he realized TK worked there.

“Oh.” TK seemed just as flustered as Carlos now.

“Yea, I was waiting on my sister, but she’s really late and not answering me now. We... uh... It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, and I don't know what’s up with her,” Carlos sighs.

TK lets out a soft chuckle at himself for totally misreading the situation. “I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you,” TK said when he noticed Carlos’s confused face. “I just realized how bad I totally misread this situation. First, I thought something was wrong with your order. Then I was afraid a date was standing you up and I was going to offer my sympathies as the last blind date I went on, the dude didn’t even bother to show up.”

Carlos was silent for longer than was necessary as the information that this handsome guy was also gay. He wasn’t used to people being so open about it in Texas, and he definitely wasn’t used to being hit on in public, thus his silence. “I... should,” TK gestured back towards the kitchen and counter when Carlos didn’t say anything more.

“Oh right,” Carlos says, snapping out of his daze. “Of course. Thank you for checking on me though. That was very kind.”

“Gotta make sure my food is good enough that everyone is happy,” TK shrugs with a grin

“Wait. Your food?” Carlos didn’t remember Sophia mentioning anything about the Ryder’s selling the bakery, but maybe he just missed it somewhere while he was away.

“Yea. I’m one of the bakers here. I had a temporary position at another bakery here in Austin after culinary school and fell in love with the city. Once that was up, I found the position here and couldn’t pass it up. I've been here at this bakery for a couple of months, but the boss lets me bake quite a few of my own recipes along with hers. I like cooking, but baking is my passion,” he smiles.

“Well, what do you recommend I get? Since it doesn't look like my sister is going to show. I might as well try something while I'm here.” Carlos’s smile was blinding, and TK was rendered speechless for a moment.

“Oh. Well, anything you get will be good,” he laughed.

“So humble,” Carlos smirked. He followed TK up to the counter and glanced over the menu and in the cases. He ended up ordering a coffee, a banana nut muffin and a chocolate eclair.

“You’ll have to let me know what you think,” TK winks as he passes the plate to Carlos. “I’ll be back out in a bit. If you need anything, hollar.”

Carlos gave him a smile as he took the food and coffee over to his table. He sent his sister another text calling her names in Spanish before he dug into the banana nut muffin first. The muffin was soft and moist, and honestly one of the best muffins he’d ever had. Especially since he’d joined the army. He did his best to muffle his moan as he kept eating it. He’d picked foods TK had specifically baked so he could report back when TK checked on him later, but he wasn’t sure words would do this justice.

His sister finally responded to what seemed like a thousand texts he’d sent her.

Sorry Carlitos, got held up at the courthouse. I'm on my way. Have you met TK yet?

Carlos was going to kill her. She’d set him up and he didn’t even realize it. While his parents never really addressed his sexuality, his sisters embraced it and wanted to see him happy. But they’d never tried setting him before, always respecting his boundaries. He had no idea why Sophia was trying now, and he wasn’t as upset as he thought he’d be, but he was still annoyed with her.

Yes. No thanks to you. We talked for a few. He thought I was being stood up which I kinda was. See you soon. You're ordering your own food.

Carlos huffed as he pocketed his phone and swirled some of his coffee. He’d taken to drinking it straight black since he joined the army, but he still swirled it occasionally as if he was mixing creamer in. TK came back out as Carlos was fixing to take a bite of his éclair. “Well?” he asks, pulling out the chair across from Carlos.

“Hmmmmm,” Carlos pretended to think to tease TK.

“Oh stop it. The muffin is gone and you look like you could devour that éclair,” TK smirked.

“I will admit. That was probably the best muffin I'd ever had. Don’t tell my mother I said that though.”

“No worries. Secrets are safe with me,” TK laughed. He was practically beaming at Carlos’s praise of his food though. “So is your sister coming?” TK eventually asked.

“Yea, supposedly. Said she got held up at the courthouse. I think she was just trying to set me up subtly though.”

“Oh yea? Doesn’t look like it worked,” TK chuckled, looking around the bakery seeing only the older people still in their corner.

Carlos blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yea about that…. Apparently, it was you she was subtly trying to set me up with. She specifically asked if I’d met you.”

“Me???” TK’s confused face was adorable. “Wait. Who’s your sister?”

Carlos let out a sigh, which made TK laugh. “Sophia Reyes Lopez, Austin’s top public defender.”

“Oooohhh.” TK’s face was priceless. Carlos started to apologize for his sister, but TK continued. “Wait you must be the and I quote ‘hot brother Carlos who is in the army’ that she has been trying to get me to meet.” Sophia was a regular at the bakery as it was near the courthouse, and she’d really taken to TK. He really liked her, and enjoyed their talks when she came in. She was also persistent that he had to meet her brother, so he’s glad he’s finally getting the chance.

Carlos groaned as he hid his face in his hands. “I swear I’m going to kill her,” he mumbled into his hands.

“It’s fine,” TK laughs. “She means well. She tells me all about you though. I think she just doesn’t want you to be alone.”

Carlos shakes his head, but he can feel that his face is blood red. He knows his sister just tries to make up for all the years he hid, and the way his parents didn’t really acknowledge anything, but he also doesn’t need her help. “Yea well, Army life makes it hard for relationships. And I've still got a minimum of two years left. So, it doesn’t seem fair to ask anyone to wait, and I haven’t really found anyone.” He blushes at how much he has shared with a stranger. “Sorry. That’s not, I usually…”

“It’s fine Carlos.” TK gives him a reassuring smile. “Sometimes it’s nice to unload on someone.”

“Yea but you’re at work.”

“I’ve got a cake in the oven, so I've got a little more time. Besides, this is the slow time.”

“Thank you,” Carlos says bashfully. “I have a friend at base that I usually unload on, but he’s not really the ‘share my romantic woes’ type. Don’t get me wrong, he’s probably my best friend ever, but…” he trails off with a shrug.

“I get it. But I should probably get back to the kitchen before Sophia gets here. We don’t want to give her anything to brag about,” TK laughs.

“No, no we do not,” Carlos agrees. TK takes Carlos’s plate, but before he walks off, he offers, “I wouldn’t mind giving you my number or email, if you ever found yourself needing someone outside your family or your unit to talk to. I’m not the best, but I know how helpful it can be to have someone to talk to.”

Carlos stares at him so long TK thinks he might’ve crossed a line he didn’t know about. “Yea. Yea I’d like that,” Carlos smiles passing TK his phone so he can put his contact info into. “Email is easier if I’m deployed, but texting is fine if I’m stateside”

“I’ll put both,” TK winks. He puts his information into a new contact and passes his phone back to him. While he thinks Sophia undersold how good looking her brother is, he also understands that Carlos isn’t looking for that right now. And if he’s being honest, he’s not sure he is either. He’s still not over having his heart destroyed a year ago, and not sure he can trust himself romantically. What he does know is that he enjoyed talking to Carlos just now, and he knows how to be a good friend. He’s just skirting behind the counter when Sophia walks in.

Carlos had been back in Georgia for two weeks before he decided to send TK an email. Sophia had gloated majorly when she found out he’d gotten TK’s information. She’d immediately texted Tina, his older sister, bragging that she would be credited for Carlos finding true love, to which he gave them both the middle finger. He ended up going back to the bakery three more times before he left, and each time he found talking to TK, even just about what TK was baking that day, to be one of the easiest things ever.

And this is why he struggled typing an email. He wanted it to be perfect, but he wanted it to be easy like all their other conversations. He’d started and stopped several times, and he was currently attempting to tug at his hair as he stared at his screen. “Seriously dude? I can feel your tension across base,” Colton said sitting down on the end of Carlos’s bunk.

“Shut it,” Carlos grunts. He closes his laptop with another sigh before tossing it on his trunk which doubles as a table.

“Problems at home?”

“No. Everything is good. Tina and Soph say hi and want to know if you’ve found anyone yet,” Carlos laughs. His sisters have taken to Colton like a second younger brother even though they’ve never officially met, and since they think he's settled with TK, even though he hasn’t talked to him since returning to base, they’ve turned their attention to making sure Colton is happy.

“Dude! Why are your sisters worried about that?” he laughs.

“Because they’re annoying and that’s what they do,” Carlos shrugs.

“Ok so if things are fine at home, then what’s wrong? Usually, you’re out there with me kicking ass at horseshoes, not in here moping at your laptop.”

Carlos rolls his eyes as he sits up. “So dramatic,” he murmurs.

Colton barks a laugh making Carlos smile. “Usually, you’re not this hard to get info out of. Gotta do something.”

Carlos runs his fingers through his short hair once more. He’s still not used to not having his curls to tug at when he feels stressed even after two years and some change in the Army. Colton turns around to sit on the same side of the bed as Carlos. His hand falls to Carlos’s shoulder giving it a squeeze. “Deep breath, hold it.” Colton silently counts to five; “Let it out.” Carlos follows Colton’s instructions blowing out a heavy breath. “Now you just open your mouth and talk.”

Carlos chuckles as he shakes his head giving his best friend a smile. Colton might be wild and a playboy, but he’s an amazing friend and knows Carlos better than anyone. “I sorta met someone when we had leave last time. He lives in Austin. My sister tried to subtly set us up by running extremely late to meet me at the bakery he works at. It sorta worked as he thought I was being stood up on a date so he came over on the guise of checking that the food was ok. When he realized it was my sister standing me up, he sat down for a conversation before my sister tipped her hand in text asking if I’d met him yet.”

“Wow.”

“Yea I know. I was pissed at her until I realized how easy it was to talk to TK. We exchanged info, TK offering to be a listening ear any time I needed it. I went back three more times before I flew back here. I haven’t talked to him since, and I was trying to type him an email just now.”

“But it wasn’t coming out as perfectly as you thought it should and it was stressing you out, right?”

Carlos just stares at Colton constantly amazed at how well Colton knows him. “Something like that,” he sighs. “I know this isn’t usually our….” he waves his hand around trying to let Colton off the hook easily.

“Our topics to discuss. No, not really,” Colton agrees. “But it’s also never come up. Carlos we’re friends, best friends, and we can talk about anything you need. Because I need you focused, not stressed about something like this. In his world, we have each other’s back no matter what. I need to know you’ll be focused when we’re out there, so if I can help alleviate anything keeping you from being focused, then that’s what I'm going to do.”

Carlos pulls Colton into his side for a side hug. “You’re nothing but a softy,” he teases before letting Colton go.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Colton fake threatens, and Carlos holds up his hand with a laugh. “Now back to your problem. If the conversation was as easy as you said it was, this… TK?” At Carlos’s nod Colton continues; “TK isn’t going to care what you say, just that you’re saying something. So, type up an email, hit send, and then get your ass out here to help me win horseshoes.”

“You got it,” Carlos smiles as he gives Colton a nod. Once Colton is back outside their barracks, Carlos opens his laptop once more. He opens a new email to TK and starts typing. He doesn’t think, he just types everything as it comes to him, and hits send before he can talk himself out of it. He joins Colton outside, putting the email out of his mind, feeling lighter now that he’s done it.

TK woke around four in the morning to start getting ready for his shift. He was opening this week so that meant getting to the bakery by 4:30 am to get started baking before their 6:30 am opening, which meant he was asleep by seven each night for his early mornings. To say he was surprised by his email notification when he silenced his alarm was an understatement. He hadn’t heard from Carlos since his last time in the bakery. Seeing he had an email from him, he was instantly more alert and awake. He sat up on the side of the bed and opened it immediately before getting dressed.

TK,

I don't even know where to begin. I’ve sat here staring at my screen for the longest trying to figure out the perfect email. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write, but I have a problem with wanting to make everything perfect before I do it. I’ve tried for two weeks to figure out what to say, and finally Colton, my best friend in my unit I told you about, told me that you wouldn’t care what I said, you’d just be happy I was writing. I hope that is true.

We’re still stationed at base, so I technically could’ve just texted you, but I wasn’t sure how you would feel about that either. We’ll be deploying out in May, which I know is still a few months away, but might as well get used to emails now. I hope you are well, and I hope everything is going well at the bakery. Honestly, one day of base food had me missing your sweet baking, especially the muffins. Anyways, Colt is waiting on me for horseshoes, but I hope to hear from you soon.

Carlos

TK read it a few more times, before he jumped up and got dressed realizing he’d sat on the bed reading it longer than he meant to. He made it to the bakery with nary a minute to spare. He dove right into his baking, getting bagels and muffins going along with some breakfast bread. Once those were going, and he had the coffees set to brew on time, he sat down on a stool in the kitchen and thought of his reply. Honestly, he hadn’t been able to get Carlos out of his mind, and he was so very happy to hear from him. But he feels Carlos’s stress of forming the perfect email. He read over Carlos’s once more before typing his response.

Carlos,

I’m so happy to hear from you and that you are ok. Sophia updated me last week that you were still in Georgia. I have a feeling she will keep me updated every time you move if you tell her, LOL. She’s still gloating of course, but I can’t seem to be mad at her, not when our conversations were some of the highlights of my day. Things at the bakery are well. I’m opening all week, so early shifts and really early nights. I’ve got a tray of muffins and banana bread in the oven right now along with some fresh bagels. As soon as I finish replying I’m going to start on doughnuts and cakes for later. I could always send you muffins if you told me where/if that would be ok. No pressure, just a suggestion since you said you missed them. I’ll be around any time you want to talk. Xo

After that day, Carlos and TK exchanged emails, texts and even phone calls. Carlos even gave TK the address to ship baked goods to. At first, he didn’t share, but once Colton discovered the packages contained baked goods, it was almost impossible to keep him out of TK’s treats. Colt had even started joking that Carlos should marry him for his baking talents alone, to which Carlos would remind him they were just friends. Their easy conversations carried over into their writing. Carlos found it easier to share everything he was thinking over screens, and TK enjoyed having another person to talk to. Carlos was able to come home for a week before his deployment in May. TK was able to swing some time off since he knew ahead of time when Carlos would be home to spend it with him. It was the first time Carlos came home that he didn’t spend the entire time hiding at the ranch.

They both insisted to anyone that asked that they were just friends. It was a no-pressure relationship that they both found comfort in. It was the first time Carlos ever wished he never joined the Army because he wished he could explore things more with TK. He felt himself falling even though he knew he would never ask TK to wait for him. TK felt similar; he could feel himself falling, but in his eyes, Carlos was too good to drop all his baggage on. TK had shared some of his past with Carlos in their many conversations, but he’d kept some of the more rough stuff to himself. TK dropped Carlos at the airport on the day he had to return to base. They hugged longer than what would be considered friendly, and TK promised to always answer any time Carlos wrote. It was a harder goodbye than either of them was expecting, but it was just the beginning.

Carlos’s unit was sent to Bagram once more. It wasn’t their first time to be stationed there, but it also wasn’t exactly where Carlos thought they were going this time around. He knows a lot of the details of their deployments will be classified, and it is the first time he’s really had to think about censoring what he writes home about. It was easier to censor things to his family because he didn’t want to share the horrors of war with them. He’s gotten used to sharing almost everything about his life with TK, from the good to the not so good, so it’s a little strange to go back to thinking about what he has to say.

TK’s emails are the highlights of his days. Their emails usually end up a few days apart because of the time difference, and it took some getting used to their schedules not syncing up.

Carlos knows that’s toeing the line they don’t talk about or cross, but he can’t seem to help himself.

TK,

I hate that I’m so far ahead of you time wise. It seems so unusual that I’m seeing the sunrise around the time you’re waiting for it to set. I’ll be MIA a lot next week as we’ll be on a mission. I hate not being able to tell you every detail of my life. I know it’s the life I signed up for, but I also didn’t expect to meet someone like you. Someone who is just so easy to talk to.

Colt says hi, and he hates that he’s not going to be able to get any more baked goods for six months. I however am glad not to have someone stealing all the lovely food you make for me. I know you’re going to save me plenty for when we return ;) I can’t wait to hear what is happening around town and the bakery. Stay safe T.

Xo C

Carlos puts the laptop back into his locked trunk. He knew their mission next week wouldn’t be that dangerous, but it was Afghanistan, and you just never knew. There was so much more he wanted to say in that email, but he knew it wasn’t the time. That is why he had a three-page handwritten letter stuffed in his trunk. If something were to happen to him, there’s letters in there for his family, but also one for TK he added before they deployed.

“How’s lover boy,” Colton asks, flopping on the end of Carlos’s bed. Carlos rolls his eyes as he pushes Colton’s booted feet back to the floor.

“He’s not my lover boy and you know it.”

“Toemaytoe, toemahtoe,” Colton says dramatically, eliciting another eye roll from Carlos.

Carlos shakes his head as he moves the trunk back under his bed. “TK is fine. I’m still not used to sending an email and not getting an instant reply. The time difference sucks. That email was just a check in and letting him know I’d be MIA,” he shrugs.

“You’re so whipped,” Colton laughs as Carlos shoves him.

“I’m not whipped. We’re friends. That’s it.”

“You could be so much more. Anybody that spends more than five seconds around you knows it.”

“Colton, you know why.”

“I know, I know.” He holds his hands up placatingly. “I’m just saying. We never know what’s going to happen, and at some point, you’re going to have to confront these feelings. And that’s all the pushing I’m doing for today.” He could see the rebuttal and pushback on Carlos’s face, so he figured it was better to end it there. Carlos just gives him a nod before they head to the mess hall to eat.

TK reads Carlos’s email on his lunch break. He was closing this week, so he didn’t have to be in until lunch. But since closing meant late nights, he usually slept until after eleven meaning he’d missed Carlos’s email. He was still adjusting to the time difference between them now, and it made him smile that Carlos was hating it just as much.

“There’s that little smile again,” Grace teased as she walked past TK. He shakes his head at his boss but doesn’t justify it with a verbal response. “Tell Carlos hi,” she calls over her shoulder.

Carlos,

I hate the time difference just as much. I was still sleeping when you sent this one, and I’m just now on lunch at work and able to respond. I’m sure you’re already asleep or almost asleep, and it’s fine, it’s just hard being patient for a response. Don’t worry about me next week; you just focus on the mission and staying safe. That doesn't mean I won’t email you half a dozen times to make sure you’re ok even though I know you can't respond, but at least Grace has me opening so I’ll be doing nothing but working.

He doesn’t say he’ll be worrying, but he feels like it’s implied. It’s also toeing the line they don’t talk about, but at this point he doesn’t care.

Speaking of Grace says hi. They find out next week what baby Ryder will be, and I’ll be sure to tell you. I’m looking forward to finding out. My bet is a girl… haha Judd with a little girl is going to be fun to watch. But I’m also still really nervous about it because Grace is insisting on leaving me in charge of the bakery the entire time she’s off. That seems minor in the face of what you’re doing and going to be facing daily, so just ignore me and tell me to suck it up.

Ok, I’ve started rambling and Grace is going to be calling me back to work any second so I’ll wrap this one up. Stay safe Carlos, and I can’t wait for another email.

I will never dismiss your concerns and fears TK. What you’re feeling is valid. Running someone else’s business in their absence is daunting, even if it’s something you’re really good at and love. So please share all you’re feeling, and I’ll do my best to reassure you and help you.

As for baby Ryder, I’m going to go with your assumption that it will be a girl until we know otherwise. Either way that is going to be a lucky baby to have you in his/her life. I expect pictures if I’m not in town because I’m sure the baby will be beautiful. He wants to say he knows TK will be handsome and gorgeous holding the baby, but he refrains. Today is probably my last day at base for a week, but I will respond as soon as I can. Just know we’ll be doing everything as safely as possible, and Colt will always watch my back. Stay safe and if you see my sisters tell them hi and that I’m fine.

The rest of the deployment went similar; they swapped emails as they could, they had Skype calls when they ignored sleep in favor of talking to the other, and before they knew it, Carlos had received his orders to return stateside. He would be home the first week of November. Baby Ryder arrived the week before Halloween, and as promised TK sent plenty of baby pictures to Carlos. Carlos couldn’t wait to get home and meet her. And if he secretly set his phone screen to a picture of TK and baby Charlie, well no one needed to know but him.

They would be returning to Fort Benning for a week of debrief, and then they would be released until the first of the new year. Carlos was excited to have almost two months at home, and it seemed that TK shared in his excitement from his emails. He would still be running the bakery while Carlos was home on leave, but he promised he would have some time off as well. While home, TK and Carlos seemed to get closer. Carlos’s sisters liked to tease them about all the time they spent together, but they both just shrugged them off and stuck to their “just friends” despite how close they’d gotten. Sophia and Tina even helped Carlos talk to his parents with TK’s full encouragement about his sexuality and life. It was very cathartic, and a lot of unintentional misunderstandings were cleared between them. It was the freest Carlos had felt at home in a really long time.

Unfortunately, he has to return to Fort Benning at the beginning of January, and upon arrival he finds out their unit will be deploying again February 1st in response to the Taliban’s attacks in Kabul. Since he just came off leave, he has to deliver the news over the phone. He Skypes his parents to let them know, and he shoots TK a text telling him to Skype when he can. TK knows the minute he reads the text that Carlos doesn’t have good news. The Skype call is more subdued than normal, but TK knows this is Carlos’s life and if he wants to stay in it, which he very much does, then he’s going to have to learn to live with Carlos halfway around the world.

This deployment seems more heightened to danger, it’s almost like they can feel it in the air as soon as they land at Kandahar. They’re heading straight back to Bagram, and Carlos feels a tingling under his skin to get to base. He’s not sure why, but he knows this deployment will be life changing. As soon as they have down time, he shoots his parents and sisters an email letting them know he made it safely. Then he turns to sending TK one. He feels like he can share more of his thoughts and worries with him, even though he doesn’t want him to worry.

We made it. I don’t want you to worry, although I know you will, but I also feel like I can share everything with you regardless. I’m sorry upfront if I add to your worry. I hate the idea that I’m potentially adding to your burdens, but I feel like I need to say it to someone not here. Something just feels different this go around. It’s a tingling under my skin as soon as we landed. I couldn’t wait to get to the safety of the base. We’ve settled in and been debriefed, but I just can’t shake this feeling that this deployment is going to be different. I miss Austin, hell I miss Georgia at this point, so I know I’m in for a long six months.

How are things around town? The bakery? Charlie? I know you’ve got some cute pictures you’re withholding from me T.

He smiles as he writes that last line. Pictures of TK and Charlie have become his new favorite thing. Especially when Grace brings Charlie to the bakery and TK pretends she’s helping him bake. He knows she is going to be one spoiled little girl as she gets older. If he sets every new one he gets as his phone and laptop background, well no one has to know that but him.

I’ll keep in touch as much as possible, but I honestly don’t know how much we’ll be at base. Stay safe T, and I can’t wait for all your updates.

C <3

Carlos hit send before he could over think it and went to join Colton in the mess hall.

Carlos,

You know I will always worry about you no matter what you say; you’re halfway around the world in the middle of a war zone for crying out loud. And I won’t lie and say your email didn’t add to my worry. But I will say to always trust your gut. It’s one thing I’ve learned. So if your gut is telling you to be extra cautious, then please do it. And come home in one piece.

Sophia and Tina have both been in repeatedly just to say hi, but I think they’re really trying to check in and make sure I’m ok. Your sisters really don’t know the meaning of just friends do they? *That’s said with me laughing good-naturedly btw; don’t call them freaking out*

Austin is good; warm and spring is definitely around the corner even though it’s only February. I’m still not used to not having a winter, but I’m not complaining. I’ll attach pictures of Charlie, but no I don’t intentionally withhold them *insert tongue hanging out and me flipping you off image*

Grace says hi, and that she’ll send the pictures I won’t send later *eye rolling* as if I hide anything from you.

I know I’ve rambled on, but it seems like you could use the distraction - only while you’re at base of course. But in all seriousness, please stay safe Carlos. Stay focused, and make sure Colton watches your back and vice versa. I don’t know what this town would do without you. I don’t know what I would do without you.

T <3

It’s more than he would usually admit, but he’s being honest. Carlos has become such an integral part of his life; he doesn’t know what he would do without him in it. He sends up a prayer he’s not even sure will work, that Carlos will come home safe and in one piece to him.

Carlos’s deployment rocks on with them exchanging emails as much as possible. The feeling under Carlos’s skin doesn’t go away, and he always feels like he’s hyperaware. His anxiousness is even starting to rub off on Colton. He shared everything with TK, and he’s found that being able to share his fears and worries help ease them. TK is a really good advice giver even though TK doesn’t seem to think so, and Carlos is so grateful TK lets him share all his thoughts even if it adds to TK’s worry. TK even shares things about his life he says he wouldn’t be able to share with Carlos in person, like his addiction, and Carlos learns more about the boy he is falling in love with.

Carlos is wrapping up an email towards the beginning of July. He’s starting to feel the anxiousness releasing as it gets closer to their deployment being up. He’s so relieved to be heading back home, and he just wrapped up telling TK about how he couldn’t wait to see him again. “Reyes,” he hears Colton call out which instantly puts him on alert as Colt isn’t usually so formal unless on mission. He closes his laptop and puts it back in his trunk before standing up and joining Colton at the opening to their bunks.

“What’s up?”

“Got a mission. Briefing in five.”

“You look concerned,” Carlos says cautiously as he walks beside his best friend to their commander’s tent.

“I think they’re jumping the gun.” He shrugs as he glances at Carlos. “Just from the rumors of course.”

“Alright, let’s hear them out and then decide. Surely Jones wouldn’t send us into something dangerous without hearing us out.”

“Don’t know that it’ll be his call.” Carlos regards his best friend carefully before nodding in understanding. If Colton is worried about this, then Carlos knows they really need to be careful.

The last email TK had gotten from Carlos was the first week of July. TK had been busy at the bakery with Grace as it was holiday season and it had taken him a day before he could respond. Going a few days without hearing from Carlos was normal, but it had been almost three weeks and he hasn't heard a word. He checked his phone constantly, to the point it became a joke around the bakery that it was going to end up in something he baked because it never left his hand. He knew Grace was doing it to try and alleviate his stress and worry. Carlos was supposed to be coming home in a week and half based on his original deployment information, but TK wasn’t sure if that was going to happen or not.

It was another week, trading text with Sophia and Tina constantly for updates, before they both showed up at the bakery at the same time. TK and Grace shared a look as the sisters rarely came in at the same time to see him. “Hey girls,” Grace smiles, getting timid smiles in return from them. “Perfect timing because it’s TK’s break,” she smiles. “Go I’ve got this,” Grace tells him. TK gives her a grateful nod, leaving his apron behind the counter. He asks the girls if they want a drink or something and they both shake their heads no. TK gulps a deep breath trying to steady himself before he follows them to a secluded corner of the bakery.

“Ok, just lay it on me. I can’t take this,” he says, twisting his hands together.

Sophia leans over and covers his hands stilling them. “He’s alive,” Tina leads with. TK feels like he can breathe at that. “But it’s not good,” Sophia adds, giving his hands a squeeze. TK looks up at the girls and nods. He takes another deep breath. “Ok, I’m ready.”

Tina and Sophia share a look, before Sophia turns to TK. TK figures it's her experience as a defense attorney that they decide she can deliver the news the calmest. Tina’s nails are bouncing off the table which isn’t helping TK’s nerves, but he gets it. “Mama and Papa heard from the Army last night. Carlos’s unit was under fire on a last-ditch mission. Carlos has been in Germany for the last two weeks, but his dog tags were missing. He woke up yesterday and that’s how they were finally able to contact us. The mission obviously went sideways.”

She pauses for a breath, and TK sucked in his own breath. “Is he ok?” he’s finally able to ask.

“His injuries are extensive and severe. He had several broken bones, two gunshot wounds. One to the abdomen, one to the shoulder. The abdomen one nicked his appendix and he had to have it removed, but he also got an infection. He also had a pretty bad head wound and concussion which is why he’s been in a medically induced coma. They kept him sedated until he started improving. They said he would be sent to Brooke Army Medical in Fort Sam Houston. If they deem him stable enough, they’ll transfer him here to St. David’s. They’re also honorably discharging him. He’ll get some kind of award too.”

At TK’s confused look, Tina stopped her sister. “TK, they weren’t supposed to tell us this probably, but he was the only survivor of his unit. He’s…. He’s not going to be in the best head space when he gets home. We feel sure he’s still going to want to talk to you, but we want you to be prepared. He might not be the guy you love.”

TK looked between them shaking his head with teary eyes. “I… I...”

“We know. You don’t have to tell us. We know neither of you are ready for this, but we know deep down you love each other.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he finally gets out. “We may not be where you think we are, but I would never abandon him. He’s become one of the best parts of my life, and whatever he needs, whatever he wants I'm going to support. I don’t…. I don’t know if yall can talk to him or anything, but if so, please make sure he knows I’m here, whatever he needs.”

He wipes his eyes before blowing out a deep breath. He knows this is going to change things, but he has no intention of going anywhere unless Carlos wants him too. The girls both give him tight hugs and promise to keep him updated before they’re gone. TK is quiet the rest of his shift, and Grace lets him be, but reminds him he’s free to share anything with her anytime.

It’s another week before he hears from Carlos. He knows from the girls that he made it to Brooke Army and is going through a myriad of testing. Carlos sends him a text towards the end of his first week back stateside. All it says is check your email with a smiley face, and TK almost drops his phone in his haste to open his email.

I don’t even know where to begin. I know you’ve been worried and for that I’m sorry. I know it’s been close to two months since you’ve heard from me. I don’t know if you even still want to hear from me, but Soph and Tina have told me that they’ve kept you updated and that you would want to talk. I truly hope they haven’t been a bother. I know they mean well, and I’m grateful they’ve been able to give you reassurances during this time, and I’m sorry if I’m about to dump a lot of feelings and things on you if you’ve moved on. I still have concussion side effects, so this email has taken me way longer than I wanted to get out. I could’ve called, but I didn’t know your schedule anymore, and I tire so easily, it was just easier to take my time and write it out.

I’m guessing they told you I’m done. I still don’t even know how I feel about that. On one hand, I’m grateful to be coming home and able to stay at home. At the same time, I feel like I’m not finishing what I committed to, but I know I’m physically not able anymore. Especially with the PTSD diagnosis this doctor here just gave me. I’m sure he’s right, but I just can’t wrap my head around it.

Everything still feels surreal. I can’t just pick up the phone or look to my side and know Colt is there. Colt is gone, and there was no goodbye. There was nothing but pain. Sometimes I feel like I’m still back there. Sometimes I think I’m going to open my eyes and see sand, not three white walls. Sometimes I wish I was, sometimes I wish I could’ve done something different. I wish I could’ve gotten him home. My memory is coming and going on what happened. The drs say it’s my brain’s way of protecting me, but I don’t know if I believe that or not. But I remember the pain from the bullets, and I remember Colt shoving me out of the way of the majority of them. I tried to stop him, I really did, but he was gone before I passed out.

I don’t know how to handle that, and I know there’s really nothing you can do. The dr said I needed to talk to someone before they would move me to St. David’s for rehab and finishing my care, and you were the first person that came to mind. I don’t know that they’ll count this, I’m sure I’m going to have to see a therapist, but it reminded me how easy our conversations were and how much I missed you.

Anyways, I should probably wrap this up. Don’t feel like you have to respond if you have moved on, but T, I want you to know. You got me through. Thoughts of you waiting on me kept me going. You’re always going to be special T, and I don’t want you to ever forget it.

Carlos.

TK has tears pouring down his cheeks by the time he’s done reading. Grace finds him like that in the kitchen a few minutes later. “TK honey, oh come here,” she says, pulling him into a tight hug. TK cries on her shoulder for a few minutes before he’s able to pull himself together

“I finally heard from Carlos,” he says, waving his phone around. He wipes at his eyes as Grace pokes her head out front to make sure no one is waiting.

“And?”

“I think I need to call him. I have to go see him.” The urgency has been just under his skin since he knew Carlos was back in the states. But after that email, he felt like he couldn’t get to him fast enough.

Grace gives him another hug. “Ok you call him, see if he can have visitors. And if so we’ll get you to Fort Sam Houston tomorrow.”

“Grace. Wait no. I can’t leave you here alone. I just meant on my next day off.”

“Sure you can. I did this long before I hired help. A day or two won’t kill me. Besides if your reaction to that email is anything to go by, he probably needs you just as much. Call your man while I go help the Smiths.”

TK lets out a soft chuckle at Grace’s no-nonsense statements as she bustles back out front. “Yes mam,” he murmurs. He pulls Carlos’s text thread up and pushes the call button before he can talk himself out of it. The conversation is short; TK assuring Carlos he hasn’t gone anywhere, and Carlos letting TK know he can have visitors, but he doesn’t have to disrupt his life to come visit. TK doesn’t agree or disagree with him and promises to talk once he’s off shift. The next day, he arrives at the hospital at ten am and is led right to Carlos’s room.

TK stands in the doorway for a moment, just gazing at Carlos. The number of bandages on his body is daunting, but nothing TK hasn’t seen before. It reminds him of the time he considered the fire academy, but he reminds himself this isn’t about him. He softly knocks and when Carlos’s eyes meet his, TK struggles to keep the tears at bay.

“Hi stranger,” he says softly walking into the room. He sets the vase of flowers in the window seal before walking over beside the bed. “You’re a site for sore eyes,” he says leaning down for a gentle and careful hug.

“TK… I…”

“Shhh, I know. Grace insisted I come right away. Said I would be nothing but a distraction at work after getting your email,” he laughs. “She’s right, you know?”

TK pulls the chair closer to the bed, and he offers Carlos a tentative smile when he keeps a grip on TK’s wrist. “I’m not going anywhere,” TK reassures, laying his hand over Carlos’s on his wrist.

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m here. For as long as you want me. I had the weekend off anyways, so now I just have a four-day weekend.”

Carlos gives him a small nod being mindful of his stealing healing concussion. He can’t seem to take his eyes off TK. “I know this is going to be a dumb question considering,” TK says gesturing to the bandages and IVs. “But how are you really feeling? What have they told you?”

Carlos lets out a sigh as his gaze finds the ceiling for a moment. “Well, I have a broken ankle, six broken or cracked ribs, and a sprained wrist. They had to remove my appendix, and I ended up with an infection, but they say that’s almost cleared up. I have fifteen stitches from that, and then another ten where they removed the bullet in my shoulder. I have ten staples in the back of my head and a grade three concussion. They did a myriad of testing here and deemed I had PTSD, and yea they definitely want me to see a therapist.”

TK lets his thumb drift back and forth along Carlos’s hand as he talks. When it seems like Carlos has said all he’s going to say for the moment, TK takes the chance and laces their hands together. He gives Carlos’s a gentle squeeze. “That’s a lot,” he whispers. “Carlos I can’t… I can’t begin to imagine or understand what you’ve been through and what you’re going to be going through healing. But… I can say, if you find the right therapist, you might be surprised how much it helps. And I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you need, whenever you need it.”

Carlos gives him another small nod. “I appreciate that TK. I just… I don’t think I can talk about it right now. Things are still a little fuzzy anyways and I just…”

“Hey, no that’s not what I meant. We can talk about anything you want. Or you can just rest. This is at your pace Carlos.”

Carlos gives him a small smile. “Tell me about home? What have I missed? Charlie’s not going to be mad I’m stealing her favorite person for the weekend is she?” he teases.

“No, I'd say Charlie will be fine. Grace said Judd was off for forty-eight, so he’s on baby duty while she works Saturday. So she’ll be plenty spoiled,” he laughs. He does get his phone out and shows Carlos new pictures and videos he’s missed out on.

“Man, she’s grown,” he murmurs, flipping through the pictures on TK’s phone.

“Yea. She’s almost ten months old. Grace is already trying to gather ideas for a first birthday party.”

“I’m sure it’ll be wonderful,” Carlos agrees. TK can tell he’s starting to wear out, so he takes the phone back not wanting to aggravate his concussion symptoms any. “Rest. I’ll still be here,” he assures before Carlos can protest. TK dims the light in the room, and it’s not long and Carlos is falling asleep. He scrolls through his phone and flips through the channels making sure to keep things quiet while Carlos rests. Nurses come and go; TK sends Grace a text letting her know he is ok, and after about two hours of being there, an older couple comes in, catching TK off guard. Just by looking at them, he knows it must be Carlos’s parents.

“Hi. I was just… um…” he moves to head for the door, but Carlos starts waking up and they’re all just kind of frozen in the moment.

“Mami, Papa?” he questions, his face squinching adorably in confusion.

“Si mijo,” Andrea says, coming closer and running a hand through his hair.

“I’m just…” TK motions to the door once more.

“You don’t have to leave on our account son,” Gabriel says.

“TK,” Carlos says, finally realizing TK was still there after his dad addressed him. TK turns toward him seeing the wide-eyed look on his face.

“It’s fine,” TK assures, but Carlos shakes his head. He doesn’t want TK to leave, and he almost feels panic at the thought of TK leaving. TK notices the change in the monitors, so he walks back closer. “Or I can stay. That’s fine too. Whatever you want,” he assures.

A nurse pokes her head in to make sure everything is ok, and TK gives her a kind smile promising everything is fine. She reminds them to buzz if not, and then she’s gone. TK offers his seat to Andrea or Gabriel, but they both wave him off. Gabriel does get Andrea a chair for the other side of the bed and then stands behind her. “This is TK. He works at Grace’s bakery,” Carlos finally gets out after a couple minutes of slowing his breathing. “TK this is my parents Andrea and Gabriel.”

“Oh TK! We’ve heard so much about you. We feel like we already know you,” Andrea gushes, causing both boys to share wide-eyed looks.

“Mi amor,” Gabriel gently shushes.

“Oh stop it. We do and you know it.”

“I… uh… well hope it was all good things,” TK says clearly surprised by this development.

“Oh it was. The girls rave about you and your baking skills. We’ve been meaning to stop in at the bakery, but the ranch keeps us so busy and with Gabriel still working we just haven’t found the time. And…”

“Mi amor,” Gabriel interrupts her once more. She looks over her shoulder at him with a look Carlos knows would make any one of the kids cave in a heartbeat, but Gabriel just gives her one back and nods towards the boys. She turns back to them, and finally takes in both of their wide-eyed expressions.

“Oh querido,” she sighs before squeezing Carlos’s non-injured hand. “Your sisters have been meddling again, haven’t they?”

TK chokes on a barely suppressed laugh as Carlos just sighs. “When aren’t they meddling mama?”

TK does snort a laugh this time, making Carlos grin at him. “They are very persistent mam. But they haven’t been a bother. I just hope they’ve told you all good things.”

“Of course, of course. They have nothing but praise for you.” TK actually blushes at that which Carlos finds just adorable. He turns his attention back to his parents to see how long they’re planning on staying that day. They’ve been there every day since he returned, but he also knows they have a lot of things at home to be taking care of as well.

Andrea had planned on staying well into the night, but Gabriel could tell that there was more to TK’s visit and maybe they’d unintentionally interrupted. Before they can agree on how long they’re going to stay the doctor stops in for his daily rounds. They don’t foresee Carlos having to have any more surgeries, and he’s already been in contact with a therapist at St. David’s. They’re hopeful to have him moved the beginning of next week. They thank the doctor, and then he's gone.

Gabriel suggests that maybe they go get some lunch for the boys that isn’t hospital food and then head home. They already have Carlos’s room ready for when he’s actually discharged, but there’s still some things that will need to be done. They get the boys’ orders, Carlos not really hungry, but agreeing to try something, and then they’re gone.

“Sorry about that,” Carlos murmurs once it’s just them again.

“Nothing to apologize for. I would’ve been surprised if they hadn’t shown up honestly.”

“Yea well, you see where my sisters get it from now,” he grins, making TK laugh.

“Yes I do,” he chuckles. “But I don’t mind Carlos. Your family is wonderful, just like you.” His parents return with the food before too much more is said. They stay and eat with the boys, TK able to convince Carlos to try more than he would’ve normally, and Andrea feels good knowing TK will be staying with her baby. They hug Carlos and then Andrea pulls TK into a hug whispering a quiet thank you, before she’s pulling away and leaving with Gabriel. He’s not sure what she’s thanking him for, but he has a feeling he’s going to be spending a lot of time with them and learning a whole lot more about the Reyes in the coming days, weeks, and months. Because now that he has Carlos back, he’s not going to be letting him go so easily.

Carlos is moved to St. David’s on Sunday, and everyone is relieved that he’s at least back in Austin. TK is working day shift, not opening or closing, all week, and he has a sneaky suspicion Grace did it on purpose. She claims she doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but he’s able to drop Carlos breakfast, check on him, and bring food for dinner all week.

He stays with dinner each night and visits until he can see Carlos is too worn out. He’s been doing therapy and rehab almost daily, and TK can tell it’s taking a toll. He does his best not to pry and let Carlos tell him things as he wants. Carlos doesn’t talk much about the therapy sessions, but after two weeks of TK consistently visiting with dinner, Carlos decides to ask him the question that’s been on his mind.

TK can tell something is on Carlos’s mind the whole time they eat, but as usual he doesn’t pry. Once he’s thrown away their trash, he settles into what’s become his chair and just waits him out. He’s dying to ask, but he’s using everything he’s learned from his own therapists over the years, to give Carlos the space to say what he needs to say when he’s ready. TK makes a note to thank his therapist the next time he sees her.

“Can I ask you something?” Carlos finally asks as TK starts flipping through the channels.

“Always,” TK smiles, setting the remote down and giving Carlos his undivided attention.

Carlos won’t look at him; instead his fingers twist the blanket covering his legs repeatedly. “You said, back at Fort Sam, that if I find the right therapist I might be surprised.”

“I did say that, and I meant it.” TK lays his hand over Carlos’s to still his nervous, restless movement.

“How do you know if they’re the right one?”

TK gives him a soft chuckle and squeezes his hand. Carlos does eventually meet his eyes. “You’ll feel extremely comfortable talking to them, almost like this, and you’ll start to see things in a new light. You won't just focus on the tragedy anymore.”

Carlos just stares at him for the longest, and TK just gives him a soft smile. “I’ve been through my fair share of therapy over the years,” he shrugs. “Sometimes it takes a while to find a good one, and other times you get lucky.” He gives Carlos a minute to think that over. “I take it therapy might not be going so well?” TK hedges when it seems like Carlos might not say anymore.

Carlos lets out a soft sigh before shrugging. “Been doing group therapy for two weeks, but.. I hate it. I can see a therapist separate from that, but I don’t really like any here.”

TK hums before he pulls out his phone. He sends a text before turning his attention back to Carlos. “It took a couple tries before I found one I liked too. I finally connected with one in New York; she was truly amazing. And then when I moved here, my therapist in New York did some research for me and found the one I’ve been with here. I just text her to see what her recommendation would be.”

Carlos doesn’t know what to say to that; he’s speechless. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her any specifics. If you have to complete a certain amount here, before they release you we can figure something out, but I stand by my thoughts. With the right therapist, you’re going to get past this. You’ll never forget, but you’ll be ok.”

Carlos is thankful in that moment more than he can express, and he gives TK a soft smile and a squeeze of his hand, hoping he’ll understand. They spend the rest of the night watching some TV and just enjoying each other’s company until Carlos falls asleep and TK heads home. Carlos is discharged over the weekend; his injuries are healing enough that they send him home. His ankle is still in a cast; his ribs still give him trouble; his wrist is still wrapped, but almost healed so he uses crutches. He texts TK once he’s settled at the ranch. He’s going to miss their nightly dinners, but TK is back to opening this coming week, so he’s not sure he would’ve seen him as much anyways.

TK is glad Carlos is home, but he is going to miss their nightly dinners as well. He text Carlos off and on throughout the day over the weekend. Carlos is already complaining about being bored because with his ribs still healing, using the crutches isn’t that fun so he’s trying not to move too much. His mother and sisters are hovering too, and while he gets it, he’s also been used to being on his own. TK offers him his sympathies and tells him if he ever wants to get out, TK will gladly spring him.

During the next week, they text a lot. TK’s therapist had made a house call to visit Carlos, and she’s currently working on getting him set up with someone she thinks he will connect with and will be able to help him. Carlos is grateful and lets TK know.

I don’t think I can thank you enough for having Kelsey help. I liked her when she was here, so I’m hopeful she’ll find someone.

You don’t have to thank me. I know how hard it can be when you don’t connect with the person. And it’s partially selfish on my part to want to help you. I’ve kinda come to depend on you just as much, and I don’t want to lose you.

Carlos smiles as he reads TK’s text. Oh yea? Well I kinda depend on you too. I don’t… I don’t know that I would’ve survived the last two weeks without you.

I disagree. You would’ve made it. I just brought dinner.

You did more than that Ty and you know it. Those dinners were the highlights of my days.

Mine too :)

Carlos thinks over his next text very carefully. It’s only been a week, but he misses seeing TK’s face. He knows TK has been opening and is probably worn out with it being the week before a holiday, but he really wants to see him. He still can’t drive so he decides to take a risk.

Would you want to come out here for dinner? I know you’ve been opening, and it’s probably been crazy at the bakery so you can definitely say no. I was just thinking it would be nice to see you again.

He spent the next twenty minutes until TK was able to respond, spiraling that maybe he overstepped. Maybe TK was glad he wasn’t having to see him every day. Maybe he was just going to be nice and say yes so as not to upset him. It took him a whole two minutes before he was able to read TK’s reply because he was building himself up for rejection.

I would love to. I’ve missed our nightly dinners. Want me to bring some burritos from the taco truck?

Carlos couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face and the breath of relief he let out.

Yea. That would be great. I think my parents are going out tonight so it’ll just be me and still not getting around enough to cook.

Don’t worry about it. Burritos on me. Text me the address. I get off at 1 and will take a nap before I come out.

Carlos double checks that tonight is his parents monthly date night out, and then he texts TK the address to the ranch. He spends the rest of the day getting ready. He takes a shower and dresses in something other than sweats. He makes sure the living room is picked up and the dining table looks ok even though he knows he gets his cleanliness from his mom and the house will be spotless.

Once his parents leave, he camps out on the couch and tries to occupy his mind not to spiral or stress out. Carlos knows the Army reinforced his control freak tendency, and not being in control, much less able to do anything, really wrecked havoc with his mind. TK text him when he was leaving town, making sure the burritos were the only thing he needed to bring. Carlos got up and went to the kitchen; Andrea had made some guacamole and salsa earlier that day, so he got it and some chips and carefully carried them to the table. It wasn’t the easiest to do with his crutches, but he made it work. He was just getting glasses for drinks out, when he heard the knock on the screen door.

“Come in,” he called out, as he hobbled to the kitchen entrance. TK looked worn out even though he’d napped, and Carlos felt bad he’d asked him to come out tonight.

“Hey,” TK smiled. It lit up his whole face making Carlos smile.

“Hey, I was just getting drinks.”

“Go sit. There’s no way you can carry glasses on crutches. Just tell me where everything is and I’ll get it.” He drops the bag of burritos on the table raising his eyebrows at the chips, salsa and guac already there.

“I’ve learned to adapt,” he shrugs, before listing off drink options in the fridge letting TK get them.

TK quickly pours them drinks and then joins Carlos at the table. “Are these homemade?” he asks, gesturing to the dips.

“Yep. Mami made them this morning. They’re a staple around here,” he grins, as he digs into his burrito.

“I can see why,” TK mumbles around bites of food. He lets out a sexy moan as he tries the homemade dips. “These are amazing.”

Carlos chuckles softly. “Yea Mami is an excellent cook. She made sure we could all cook as well. I can’t wait to get back to it either. I need something to do.”

“Wait, you can cook?”

“Yea. I like it. Helps me relax. Getting lost in a recipe, working with my hands, I’ve always liked it,” he shrugs like it’s no big deal.

“Well, I can’t wait to try your food because if it’s half as good as this, you might not ever get rid of me,” he laughs.

Carlos gives him another one of those bashful smiles like he can’t believe TK is real. “I wouldn’t mind that,” he murmurs softly as he feels the blush spread across his cheeks.

TK gives him another soft smile before talk turns to the bakery and how busy it’s been with Labor Day weekend. TK is glad to have the weekend off to recover. After they talk about weekend plans, TK asks how Carlos’s doctor appointment that week went and what they’re saying about his recovery. Carlos fills TK in on all the doctor appointments; they’re pleased with the rate he is healing, and they’re going to take the stitches and staples out mid-week next week.

His discharge papers from the Army came in the mail, and he still has mixed feelings about it. He tries to share about it while they eat, but he can’t seem to find the words which frustrates him. “Hey, it’s ok. Some things are harder to share than others, and when you’re ready you will,” TK murmurs squeezing his arm in support.

Carlos gives him an appreciative nod, but he is still frustrated. They’re mostly done with dinner, so TK starts cleaning up. “Why don’t you go get comfy, and I’ll join you in just a minute,” he suggests. Carlos hates not being able to do anything because TK is the guest here, and should not be cleaning up, but he also knows if he tries to do much, they’ll end up with a bigger mess.

“Yea, ok.” He hobbles his way to the couch and once he’s as comfortable as he’s going to get, he runs his hands through his curls giving them a tug now that his hair has gotten longer since being home. It relieves the stress he’s feeling to a degree, but he can also hear TK moving around in the kitchen and it amps the stress back up. He’s so lost in his own head he doesn’t hear TK join him on the couch.

“Carlos,” TK says quietly, not reaching out to touch Carlos even though he really wants to.

Carlos startles a little, but he drops his hands and looks at TK. “Sorry, I just…” He trails off when the words won’t come and he feels anxiety bubbling to the surface. TK tentatively reaches his hand out, and when Carlos doesn’t flinch away, he lays a hand on Carlos’s forearm giving it a gentle squeeze.

TK lets out a slow breath, his mind made up that now is the time to share more about how much he truly understands Carlos right now. No he didn’t go through something as traumatic, but he gets it more than he suspects anyone else does. “Can I share something with you, so you’ll understand that I can understand where you’re coming from? It’s going to be a lot and I’m going to need to say it all at once, and I don’t know that now is the time to really be sharing this because you’re still recovering from your own trauma, but I want you to know that on some levels I get it, and I want to be there for you.”

TK slowly met Carlos’s eyes, and Carlos gave him a nod. “I’ll always listen to anything you say,” he murmurs. TK gives him a grateful smile and a nod before letting out a deep breath. He tells Carlos about his childhood and his parents’ divorce. He tells Carlos about middle school and falling into the wrong crowd of friends. He explains how he ended up starting drinking at a young age which then led to smoking some weed which led to harder stuff. He tells Carlos everything about his first rehab stay and how it actually got his parents attention, but ultimately it didn’t last and neither did his sobriety. From there he talks about meeting his therapist in NYC after his second rehab stay and how she was the one to encourage him to follow his love of baking. He finishes with more details on how he actually ended up in Austin and with Grace’s bakery.

Carlos doesn’t say anything the entire time. He does as promised and just listens to TK talk. He feels his heart breaking for the man in front of him and all the pain he’s endured. “I know it’s a lot and this probably wasn’t the time,” TK sighs softly.

“No. No, TK. I appreciate it. I… I.” Carlos runs his hands over his face as he tries to gather his thoughts into a coherent sentence. “I can’t even explain how much it means to me that you shared all that. I know it took a lot.” He lets his hand cup and brush TK’s cheek before pulling back. “It means the world that you trust me like that,” he whispers so softly.

TK gives him an exhausted smile and a nod. “I know this isn’t easy on you, and you’re getting frustrated easily, but I just wanted you to know that I mean it when I say I get it and that you can come to me with anything. I’ll do everything I can to help.”

They change the subject to more lighter topics for another hour before Carlos can’t ignore the exhaustion radiating off TK. He offers the guest room for him, but TK doesn’t want to impose and heads home instead. He promises to let Carlos know he makes it, and stay in contact. Carlos spends the night turning over TK’s words and all their interactions. He reads back through some of their emails, soaking up TK’s words.

It’s another couple of days before he hears from Kelsey, but she has him an appointment with her friend Wesley for after his follow-up with the doctor to remove his stitches and check his ribs. He lets his mom know since she will be the one taking him to the follow-up. He text TK the update and TK tells him he can meet him for the appointment if he’d like. Carlos asks if they can meet after instead. He wants to be able to do this; he knows he needs the help even if it goes against everything he ever thought. TK readily agrees and they decide to meet at the bakery and then TK will take him back to the ranch later.

The appointments go smoother than Carlos expected. His stitches and staples are removed; he has some more x-rays of his ribs, and he’s given another follow up appointment for his ankle. He loathes the crutches, but now that his ribs are mostly healed and his wrist doesn't hurt as much, they’re easier to use. His appointment with Wesley is a lot of getting to know each other and making sure Wesley has all the needed information. What Carlos can’t remember, his medical and military records fill in for now. The questions are easy and Carlos seems to connect with Wesley; it helps that Wesley has previously worked with former and active military members.

Carlos feels surprisingly comfortable with Wesley, and it helps that they don’t dig into the trauma first thing. Before he knows it, the hour is up and Wesley is getting him on the schedule for in just a couple days. He wants to keep his first few appointments close together so they can build that relationship and start working on helping him heal. Wesley explains that after the first two or three appointments the rest will be spaced out to once a week, unless Carlos feels he needs more, and then they’ll continue to decrease as Carlos continues to manage his PTSD.

Carlos spends time with TK after his appointment with Wesley; he can feel their friendship bordering on that relationship line, but he also knows he’s not exactly in a place to get in a relationship just yet. Thankfully, TK understands that, and doesn’t pressure him for more. He’s comfortable and content himself, but it feels good that they both can acknowledge their feelings for each other and their desire for more.

They continue to text almost every day, and some days they even share phone conversations when Carlos just needs to hear TK’s voice to remind himself everything is still very much real. They spend time together on TK’s days off, and once Carlos is cleared to drive, he gains the majority of his independence back. His mother still hovers and his sisters still annoy him, but he doesn’t complain; he’s just thankful he still has this time with them. He’s been home for almost two months, when his trunk arrives from the Army.

He stares at it for the longest on the front porch before he even moves. He’s been moved from a cast to a walking boot, and he knows he could get it inside and to his room, but it feels too daunting to do on his own. He hovers over TK’s contact for the longest, but eventually settles on sending him a text.

Call me when you can talk.

He knows that’s a random, out-of-the-blue text to send TK when he knows TK is at work, but he doesn’t think any of his family will understand, and he doesn’t want to bother Wesley when he’s almost certain he’ll have a client. Carlos has an appointment with him tomorrow anyways, so it’ll be a good thing to discuss. Their sessions have kinda stalled anyways, as Carlos’s memory of the attack still hasn’t returned, but he knows Wesley is doing all he can to give him coping mechanisms. They’ve discussed his feelings on practically everything, except the attack, but Carlos feels like this delivery has set him on edge more than it should.

He doesn’t have long to spiral in his thoughts before his phone is ringing in his hand and a picture of TK and Charlie is staring back at him. He’d set it as TK’s contact photo, and he loves how much he gets to see it. “Hey,” he answers.

“Hey yourself. Everything ok?”

Carlos can hear background noise of the kitchen, and he regrets that he’s worried TK enough to interrupt his shift. “I’m not sure. I’m fine,” he says before TK can really start to panic. “But I got my personal things from the Army today, and I….”

“Oh,” TK lets out a soft breath, and Carlos can hear him moving around and then the background noise is gone. “What do you need Carlos?” he asks so gently.

“I…” Carlos feels his nails digging into his skin, and he takes a minute to do some of the breathing exercises Wesley has taught him. “I think I need someone here to help me open it,” he finally gets out.

TK is glad Carlos can’t see his smile; he’s so happy he’s reaching out for help, and that Carlos wants that help to come from him. He feels his heart breaking a little at how much anxiety he hears in Carlos’s voice though. He checks the clock to see how much longer he has left of his shift before he answers. “I finish my shift in about thirty minutes. I need to run home and change because I’m covered in flour, but I can be there in a little over an hour. Are you going to be ok until then? If not I can go ahead and leave now.”

“No, no, don’t do that.” Carlos hates the thought of TK leaving in the middle of his shift just for him. “I’ll be fine til you get here. Ma has gone shopping with the girls and dad is still at work. Then he’ll go straight to the barn to check in with the hands. I… I’m going to try and get it to my room. There’s no reason I can’t; I’ve just….. When they dropped it off and I had to sign for it, they left it on the porch, and I…. I just froze. I’ve been sitting here in the swing staring at it. I…”

“Carlos, breathe,” TK murmurs, exaggerating his own breath to stop Carlos’s spiral. “I get it. If you can’t get it there, just leave it and I’ll help you once I’m there. But it’s going to be ok. I promise. I’ve got to get this cake out of the oven, and then I’ll be there. Hour tops ok?”

Carlos lets out a shaky breath. “Yea… yea I’ll be ok.”

“If you’re not call me back, but I’ll see you soon.” They hang up and Carlos checks the time. He’s fine; he can make it an hour until TK gets here. He ends up sitting on the porch for another forty-five minutes before he makes his way over to the trunk. He carefully picks it up, and it’s not until he does that he notices an envelope on top. He carries the trunk to his room, and sits it down on the floor as he sinks to his bed. He picks up the envelope carefully, turning it over, inspecting everything.

The return address is what makes him catch his breath. He stares at, until he feels himself gasping. It falls from his hands as he doubles over, feeling the tears stream down his cheeks unbidden. He’s gasping for air, and that’s how TK finds him. “Carlos! Hey, hey, hey. It’s ok,” TK soothes. He gently pushes Carlos back up to sitting, and he takes one of Carlos’s hands and lays against his own chest. “We’re just going to breathe ok?” Carlos sorta nods so TK takes that as his cue to slow down his breathing. He murmurs softly to Carlos the whole time until Carlos is able to steadily breathe on his own.

TK tentatively reaches up and wipes the tears off Carlos’s cheeks, and he’s thankful when Carlos doesn’t flinch back. He stays kneeling on the floor in front of him and gives him a few minutes to compose himself. “Wanna tell me what happened?” TK asks softly. He sees the trunk on the floor near the bed, but he’s not sure if that was the trigger or not. Carlos shakes his head, but he points at an envelope on the floor beside TK. “May I?” TK asks, pointing to it as well.

Carlos gives him a shaky nod and lays back on his bed feeling exhausted. TK carefully picks up the envelope, and upon seeing the return address, he instantly knows what happened. He climbs up on the bed still holding the envelope. “Oh Carlos. I’m so sorry,” he whispers, giving Carlos’s hand a squeeze. Carlos still isn’t able to say anything and is just staring at the ceiling.

TK just lays back beside him, still holding his hand, following his lead. “I didn’t see it til I picked the trunk up to carry it in. I didn’t see the address til I got in here.” His voice is soft and slightly hoarse sounding, but TK knows that’s just from all the gasping.

“What can I do?”

Carlos rolls his head to look at TK. TK can see the tears still swimming in his eyes, and he can’t stop himself from reaching up to wipe under his lids. Carlos is holding his other hand like a lifeline, and TK doesn’t even consider letting it go. “Just be here, for now,” he finally whispers.

“Always.” TK gives him a sad smile, as they lay there letting Carlos process his thoughts. After several minutes, he finally sits up, pulling TK with him. “I don’t even remember what all is in here,” he sighs, dragging the trunk over to the bed.

“Well I’d be happy to find out with you,” he grins. He lets Carlos undo the lock and flip the lid open. On top is his laptop; he hadn’t even realized he was missing it. Underneath was his old cell phone, a couple of notebooks, some pictures of his family he’d taken with him, his shoes and clothes, and at the very bottom was the letters he’d written to his family, Colton, and TK. “Is this….” TK trails off, unable to ask the question burning through his brain when he pulls out the envelopes from the bottom of the trunk.

Carlos nods but answers TK verbally as well. “Yea… It’s…. It’s the same thing laying here,” he whispers, picking up the envelope on the bed beside him.

“There’s one for me?”

Carlos gives him a rueful smile as he nods. “Of course. You are one of my best friends TK. There was a lot at the time that I couldn’t say to you, but that I wanted you to know if something were to ever happen. I prayed you never got that letter, but I knew I had to write it because war is so uncertain.”

TK lays the letters back into the top of the trunk before rejoining Carlos on the bed. Carlos is staring at the envelope in his hands and TK runs a hand up his back hoping to provide him some level of comfort. “Do you want to read it?” He feels Carlos tense beneath his hands, but TK just keeps rubbing his back.

“I don’t know that I can.”

“That’s ok. You’ll be able to read it one day. It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow or even next week. But you’re going to want to know what he said, and you’ll get to the place where you can read it. Doesn’t mean it won’t bring a ton of pain, but you’ll be able to get through it.”

Carlos is quiet once more as he continues to stare at it. “I don’t think I want to read it with Wesley tomorrow, but…. I wouldn’t mind reading it with you.”

“I’d be honored,” TK whispers, giving Carlos a side hug. Carlos shakily opens the envelope and pulls out a couple pieces of paper. TK’s hand never stops moving on his back and Carlos appreciates the simple gesture more than he’d ever be able to tell him. The familiar handwriting comes into focus, but Carlos can already tell it’s going to be blurred by tears.

“I…” He trails off not sure what he’s going to ask for, as he wipes the tears once more. “Could you…” He holds the letter out to TK, and he sighs as TK takes it from him.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind, but I want to make sure you’re ok with me reading this.”

“I’m sure. I…. I don’t think I could get through all of it because of the tears.”

“That’s ok,” TK reassures him, before turning his attention to the pages before him. He clears his throat and begins to read.

TK pauses waiting to see if Carlos is going to do it, and he can’t help but smile when Carlos follows the count exactly as Colton detailed.

Carlos,

My man, my best friend, the other half of the double C duo. I know I don’t do sappy shit, but for you I do. If you’re reading this then the worst actually happened. I almost didn’t write one of these because in my eyes we’re both invincible, but I took your words to heart and wrote a couple of these. If you’re reading this, it means that not only am I gone, but you’re still here. I don’t know what that means for you, physically at least, but I know how you think, and how you operate. On some level you’re going to be blaming yourself whether it was your fault or not. I’m going to say no matter how it happens it wasn’t your fault and don’t blame yourself. I’m also going to say to breathe. In for five, hold for five, out for five. Don’t ever forget that when you’re feeling like the world is too much and the panic creeps in. In for five, hold for five, out for five. It’s never let you down yet. Before you read any further I want you to do that. Breathe.

I’m also going to say I hope you’re not reading this alone. I hope someone, maybe even TK if you two ever got your head out of your asses, is there with you. Don’t close yourself off Carlos. You’re too good for this world not to be surrounded by people. Don’t let whatever happens be what closes you off. I would say don’t let it change you, but that would be hypocritical. I know if something were to happen to you, it would change me, but I don’t want you to become a shell of who you are. You’re one of the best friends a guy could ever ask for, and I was the luckiest guy around when we connected at Benning. I was even luckier when we worked so well together we got to stay together as a partnership. You made my life brighter, better, and you don’t know how many times I’ve said thank you, that you became my best friend.

Carlos you deserve the world man and I hope you get it. I hate I'm not going to be here to see it, but know I'm never far away. Make sure you dump everything out of the envelope too. I sent something else with this. Something I want you to have because I know you'll cherish it.

TK pauses once more as Carlos picks up the envelope and dumps it out finding Colt's gold cross necklace. He stifles another sob as he turns it over and over in his hand. It's so thin and he's not surprised he missed it when he pulled the letter out. TK gives him another minute before he continues reading.

I'm guessing you found it. You know what that cross meant to me and I added it to your envelope just before our last mission. You know I had bad feelings about the mission to begin with, so I rewrote this so I could tell you everything I never did. I'm guessing that last mission probably did me in, and Carlos I'm going to say it again. It wasn't your fault. No matter what, don't blame yourself.

Go home. Have a life. Fall even more in love with the green eyed boy from the city. And don't deny it. TK if you're there reading this with him, and I think you might be just from what I've heard about you, stay with him. He's worth it. And he might not say it yet, but he loves you. Like a lot man. I've never seen him happier than when he comes back from leave or after he gets an email or talks to you. You make him happy.

TK chokes a laugh at the fact Colton addressed him in a letter to Carlos. Carlos shakes his head with a slight smile as he wipes his eyes. "He never let me get away with any bullshit," Carlos whispers.

TK leans over and gives Carlos’s hand a squeeze. "I know nothing is going to make this better for a while, but he sounds like a great friend." He gives him another moment before finishing the letter.

I should probably wrap this up. We're leaving out in five. Carlos, don't ever forget your training and what this life has taught you, but once you're out, move on. Have a life. Don't dwell on this, on the deployments, on the things we saw and did. Don't let me being gone hold you back. I lived my life doing what I loved, and died doing the same. Can't ask for more than that. I knew there was a chance I'd never make it home, but somehow I always knew you would. Live a life you'd be proud of, have the family you never let yourself dream about and find something you're going to enjoy doing for a career. And just know wherever life takes you, I'll always be looking down on you. I love you brother.

Colt

TK carefully folded the letter and laid it down on top of the trunk. He stayed silent with one hand still laced with Carlos’s as Carlos tried to catch his breath and stop the tears. "You're stronger than you know," he whispers. He softly leans up and wipes some of the tears. "And Colt was right about a lot of things in that letter."

Carlos gives him a shaky nod, his hand not in TK's gripping the cross necklace. "Want me to put that on for you?" TK asks him carefully. Carlos gives him another shaky nod and hands the necklace to TK. TK is careful as he clasps the thin chain around Carlos’s neck. Carlos lays back against the bed once more feeling complete exhaustion. "Would you like me to go so you can rest?"

Carlos grabs onto TK's arm quickly to keep him from moving. His breathing even picked up a little. "Please don't leave."

"Ok, ok I won't go anywhere," TK promises as he stretches out beside Carlos. He starts softly talking, about anything that comes to mind to distract Carlos enough to rest. He tells him about the bakery and the latest things Charlie has done. He tells him about things Marjan and Paul have told him about from the firehouse and before he knows it Carlos is asleep. TK pulls the blankets up around him and just watches him sleep. He makes a silent promise to Carlos and to Colt that he'll do everything possible to protect Carlos’s heart. Colt might know how much Carlos loves TK but he didn't know that TK felt the same. And one day they'd get into all that, but for now he's happy and content to just be his friend and help him heal.

It’s another two months from the time Carlos received his personal items from the army and the letter from Colt before his memories of that fateful day start creeping in. It starts as a nightmare when he’s staying over at TK’s, both of them deciding to take their friendship into a relationship after their day with Colt’s letter. He wakes with a scream that could wake the dead. TK is instantly awake and trying to calm him down. It takes a few tries but Carlos does finally settle enough to go back to sleep. Another time, they’re walking through the park walking the dog TK decided to adopt when he hears a truck backfire. He ducks jerking TK down with him before he’s frozen caught in another memory. He has several flashbacks at different times, and each time they steal his breath and leave him feeling helpless.

He works through every flashback and attack with Wesley, but it’s not enough that he gets a full picture of that day or how to handle it. He hasn’t been able to share it with TK yet either. He doesn’t want to bring him that pain, but he also wants to have the full memory back so he doesn’t have to repeat it more than once. He works with Wesley on attempts to recall the rest of his memory, but it seems fruitless. Wesley promises him that it will return in full, and that once his mind feels ready to process it all, he will. Carlos isn’t sure he believes him, but so far Wesley hasn’t led him astray.

It’s a random Thursday afternoon; Carlos is at the bakery with TK. He’s taken to spending some time in the kitchen with him, at Grace’s insistence once TK let it slip that he could cook. Grace was trying to convince him to come to work as a chef, so they could expand into a bakery and café, but he wasn’t that confident in his skills just yet. He’d considered it because he was getting bored and restless, especially when TK was at work, and there was only so much he could do around the ranch when his dad still paid hands to work during the days. But he wasn’t ready to commit just yet.

He’s helping TK by kneading some dough for homemade bread when it happens. His hands punch the bread down before the second proof, and he just freezes. He no longer sees the bakery kitchen; he’s back in the sand and dessert.

They’re rolling through the streets heading to attempt a rescue for a member of another unit that had been taken hostage by a group of jihadist. The mood is different than normal, more somber, less joking. Colt is sitting to his left and instead of their usual joking manner, he’s staring out the window, gun at the ready. “Hey, you good?” Carlos leans over and asks him. Colt finally looks at him and nods. “I’m telling ya, something don’t feel right about this.”

Carlos gives him a nod in understanding. He has to admit that their rescue plans seem rushed, but he also gets the urgency. “We’ll be fine. We’ll get set-up up high, and we’ll cover them as they go in. In and out.”

Colt lets out a sigh but nods, turning his attention back to the road. In the next instant they hear the explosion, and look ahead to see the lead humvee being blown to bits. He feels Colt grab his arm as their own humvee comes to a stop. “Let’s go,” Colt grunts throwing open his door and scanning the area all around them. Carlos leaves his sniper rifle and makes sure his gun is loaded before following Colt out. They stand back to back as the other humvees unload. “We can’t stay here. We’re too open,” Carlos yells, hearing Colt agree. They move as one towards the front to check for survivors, like they’re trained, before they hear gunfire ringing around them.

They see one of the other humvees fighting off what would be kidnappers, and Carlos and Colt duck behind one of the humvees. “What do we do?” Carlos asks breathlessly, hoping Colt would have some answers.

“We fight,” he says decisively, and Carlos agrees with him. The next few minutes are a blur of bullets, yelling, explosions, blood, and tears. Carlos isn’t sure how long it goes on, but he never loses sight of his partner. The next instant seems like fast forward and slow motion all rolled into one. Colt is facing down a terrorist and Carlos feels frozen. Colt screams at him to run, but Carlos doesn’t. He opens fire around them; there’s no way he’s letting Colt become a kidnapped victim; he doesn’t even register the bullet he takes to his shoulder as he’s firing like crazy. Colt draws his pistol and fires some shots, disregarding the gun that had been trained on him when he sees a sniper in the distance aiming at Carlos. Carlos watches as bullets from nearby men pierce through Colt, and it’s only later he realizes he is screaming knowing what this could mean for his best friend.

Colt shoves him out of the way at the last second, and it’s only then Carlos realizes Colt took the kill shot from the sniper for him. Most of their unit is down, injured or dead. Carlos is crawling over to Colt, begging and pleading that his best friend is ok, even though subconsciously he knows he’s not. He looks up at the man that had tried to kidnap Colt, and before Carlos can kill him, the man utters some words in Arabic that Carlos doesn’t understand, but he feels the bullet pierce through his side, and he knows this is it for him as well. His head hits Colt’s chest as he fights through the pain and he cries for his best friend. He passes out before he realizes that one of the humvees in the back called in support. Two weeks later he wakes in Germany, to learn he is the sole survivor of the attack.

TK watches as Carlos freezes, his hands down in the dough, his breathing becoming ragged. He quickly grabs a stool and places it behind Carlos. He isn’t sure whether to touch him or not, never knowing what Carlos is going to be seeing or how he’ll react to touch, but he doesn’t want Carlos to fall and get hurt. “Babe?” he tries not really expecting a response. He yells out to Grace that he’s going to be tied up and to keep everyone out of the kitchen for a bit, and when she pokes her head in to see what’s up, she instantly understands.

TK gently removes Carlos’s hand from the bread, and when his boyfriend is still unresponsive, he gently eases him down on the stool. “Carlos, I need you to breathe,” TK tries. Carlos is holding his breath, his eyes glazed over as he watches whatever his mind is showing him. “Fuck,” TK sighs, feeling absolutely helpless.

He takes Carlos’s hand and places it against his own chest, exaggerating his breathing in the hopes Carlos will blindly follow it. He doesn’t but TK can see he’s starting to come back around after a few minutes. “Carlos. Breathe. Please breathe for me,” TK tries, cradling Carlos’s cheek.

The touch to his cheek is like a snap back into reality, and if it wasn’t for TK’s grip on him, Carlos is sure he would’ve face planted off the stool. He’s gasping for air as TK holds him up. “Breathe babe. I’ve got you. Match my breathing,” he soothes. He doesn’t say it out loud, but he’s following the count Colt detailed in the letter, hoping Carlos will pick it up. It takes several starts and stops with gasps in between but when TK starts counting the breaths out loud, Carlos follows it.

“He… he…. He…” He breaks off into another sob that completely breaks TK’s heart.

“Carlos it’s ok. Just breathe babe.”

He goes back to counting their breaths out loud until Carlos is getting air once more. “How bout you just sit here and breathe and I’m going to get you some water, clean up real quick and we’ll go home? Ok?”

“You’re not…”

TK runs his hand through Carlos’s hair calming him as he silences him with a finger to his lips. “We’re done for today. Just let me pick this stuff up and tell Grace.” Carlos gives him a feeble nod as he works on stopping the tears and keeping his breaths even. TK speeds around the kitchen cleaning up their mess, being sure to keep an eye on Carlos. He lets Grace know they’re going to sneak out the back, and she makes him promise to let her know they’re ok later. He gives her a hug for being the best, and then he gets Carlos and they head for TK’s apartment.

Once inside, he settles Carlos on the couch, Buttercup coming over to lay at his feet. Carlos reaches down and scratches the dog’s ears as TK puts their things away. “Do we need to call Wesley?” TK asks joining Carlos on the couch.

Carlos shakes his head no before laying down on the couch with his head in TK’s lap. TK’s fingers card through his hair which really helps to relax him, as Carlos’s hand grips his necklace. “I remembered everything,” he finally whispers. He hears TK’s sharp inhale, but TK’s fingers don’t stop playing with his curls and Carlos is thankful.

“Do you want to talk about it?” TK carefully asks.

“I should. I’ve…” he takes another deep centering breath. “I’ve been wanting to tell you what all I remember as I've remembered, but I wasn’t sure I could repeat everything more than once.”

“That’s ok babe. Just share things as you are ready. This is about you not me.”

“But I want you to know all of me, and this is a part of me.”

TK gives him a soft smile. “I know. But we have all the time in the world to know everything about each other. Just take your time.”

Carlos gives him a smile that’s tinged with sadness. “I used to think we had all the time in the world too. But losing Colt has made me realize we don’t always have as much time as we think.”

Carlos stops TK before he can apologize for his careless statement, and instead launches into what happened at the bakery. He tells TK everything in one go. He repeats some things TK already knows, like how he and Colt met and became best friends, but he shares everything from his time in the army. It feels good to get it all out there, even the parts he used to censor from his emails. Detailing the attack for TK is the hardest. Especially when it makes TK cry. Carlos gets it though; it’s a lot for someone who was there, he can’t imagine what hearing about it would be like. Especially when it was about someone you loved deeply.

Carlos feels exhausted by the time he is done talking, but he feels like a weight has been lifted off his soul. TK leans down placing a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, but I’m so so so so damn proud of you for being able to talk about it. You are the strongest person I know, and truly my hero,” he grins, getting a watery smile from Carlos. “Colt would be proud of you too,” TK whispers after several minutes of silence. “I know it’s hard not to blame yourself, especially now that you remember, but just remember what he said to you in that letter, and know I’ll be here to remind you of it too.”

Carlos ends up staying that night, and the next day Wesley is able to work him in. It’s great progress that Carlos was able to remember it all, and they work through his feelings on the attack. It takes a couple of weeks of going back to weekly sessions with Wesley before Carlos is able to believe that it wasn’t his fault his best friend died, and during that time TK stayed right by his side. Carlos might have lost his best friend ever, but he gained something as well. He gained a great love with a great guy, that he’s still not sure how he got so lucky to have.

It takes a year of being home, and working through all the trauma of being the sole survivor from his unit, before Carlos is ready to focus on the future he wants for his life. He and TK moved in together after six months of dating; TK became Grace’s partner at the bakery; Charlie was more than happy at gaining a second uncle in Carlos and she thought both of them truly hung the moon. TK and Carlos visited Colton’s home town in North Carolina on the anniversary of the attack in Afghanistan. It felt like the last piece in healing, getting to say a proper goodbye to his brother. When they returned to Texas he finally took Grace up on the offer to try out being a chef and expand the bakery. They added seating and expanded the kitchen with the help of Judd and some of his buddies that worked construction. The café side officially opened and was a major hit in the town. Carlos was an excellent chef and it was a lot of fun getting to work with TK. He never thought he’d get to have this life, but he thanks his lucky stars every day that he does. And he knows somewhere out there Colt is looking down on him smiling that Carlos was able to move on and be happy. A year later he and TK get married in a small ceremony on the ranch, and two years later when he and TK finally expand their family using a surrogate, they welcome a gorgeous baby boy named Colton Jason after the uncle he’d never meet but would always know.

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thefluentstudent · 1 year

Note

Hi! What’s your CEFR levels in the languages you’re learning?

I didn’t forget about this ask, I swear! It’s just the end of the year and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my language progress in terms of goals for the new year. I just needed a little time to think.

I’ve never actually used the CEFR scale as a benchmark (mostly because I’ve never needed to). When I was in school my institutions laid out the criteria I needed to meet to advance and after graduation, I was so through with comparing myself to others that I never wanted to chart my progress like that. Also, in the US CEFR isn’t really used for anything and if I wanted to go to grad school here (or in China as I’d originally planned) there are once again other scales that’s be used (ie. HSK). Additionally, since graduating from college, my language skills have definitely backslid a lot 🥲 so don’t judge me to harshly based on the following:

- Spanish: In high school I got a 6/7 on the IB Spanish exam and thus instantly tested out of all foreign language requirements when I got to college. When I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do with my life/ after giving up on being a business major (derogatory), I remembered that the most fun I had in high school was studying Spanish so I decided to become a Spanish major in college in hopes of becoming a Translator like I wanted to be as a kid. I was actually so good at translation that immigrant rights organizations would ask me to translate docs for asylum trials while I was still a student! (I also had beef with an internationally known Translator who deadass used to harass me and send me rude personal emails and even HE offered to write me a letter of recommendation if I wanted to become a Translator one day). All that to say that I have a degree in Spanish and have done academic research entirely in Spanish. The problem is: I don’t speak Spanish. At my peak, I would say that I was C1/C2 when it came to reading and writing but maybe only ever B1/B2 in speaking.

- Mandarin: In high school my friends taught me a full academic year of college level Mandarin while we were goofing around at lunch senior year 🤷🏾‍♀️. So when I got to college, even before I switched my major to Spanish I knew that I wanted to continue studying Chinese. I made it my minor and after not being able to take Intermediate 2 bc I was doing a program where I had to promise to only speak Spanish for the semester, I taught myself enough to place into Advanced 1 the following semester. Once I had taken all of the Mandarin courses my university had to offer, my teacher was nice enough to teach Independent Study for both semesters of my Senior year so I could keep going. Right before graduation I took the HSK and passed HSK4 (is that B1?) After graduation I worked in my city’s Chinatown as a preschool teacher and that def improved my listening skills. Then I moved to China and that drastically improved my speaking skills. I would say that I was maybe B2/barely C1 at this time. That was years ago and I haven’t needed to use my Mandarin since then so I’d say I’m probably back down to B1 now. I can still watch TV in Chinese without subtitles and read basic texts/ have simple conversations but it is all a lot more of a struggle than it used to be.

- Portuguese: I can read and listen at a high level but I can only say and write basic things. I did write a research paper in Portuguese back in university but I think that was a fluke lmao. A2 tops.

- French & Catalan: I would say that my levels in these are comparable but in different areas. I can read a novel or academic text in either with minimal difficulty but I can’t write with any accuracy in either. I’m good at listening comprehension in Catalan and conversational French but not vice versa. A2.

- Cantonese & Sichuanese: I’ve never sat down and studied either. Despite not being mutually intelligible with Mandarin (yes even 四川话) I picked up listening comprehension just by eavesdropping when I worked in Chinatown and Chengdu respectively. Can’t speak at all but can follow a typical conversation at native speaker speed. I don’t think that charts on the CEFR scale at all.

Sorry I’ve never been short winded a day in my life. 🫠 Hope that answered your question!~

#langblr #long post

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blondrichclosetwitch · 4 months

Text

New Recording 67/ 1/15/17

(a snapping, and a breath. Grogginess. Coming into the moment. )

I’m trying to read this.

This is not familiar.

We’re protected against Blond(unsure).

Is this Horse?

Yeah.

(sips coffee)

Ok.

(confused) Didn’t you guys tell me to email Laurie?

“Yes.”

I want to confirm that you are the same Horse that Jane is talking to me about.

“Yes.”

Ok. was it true that yesterday Blond was pregnant?

That she tricked Jakk into getting pregnant?

“Yes.”

Is she still pregnant?

(long pause)

She is?

Is she going to miscarry?

(pause. walking)

Yes.

Does her mother realize that she tricked Jakk into getting pregnant?

Does Jakk understand why i contacted Laurie?

Did he understand that i just couldn’t deal with answering that question last night?

Hasn’t he been communicating with me through katie?

Has he *consciously*------so did he ask me that question for Blond.

Got it. (long pause)

Is she going to lose the baby soon.

Is everything…….i’m confused…are you saying this whole time….that he’s been putting up this pretense for her?

He knows it hurts me when he says “my mother-in-law” or “my wife”

(transmission about Blond)

But she knows it hurts me.

Did the spell….did i do the spell correctly last night.

Did it work?

Are they done?

(long pause, drinks coffee)

“Yes, they’re done.”

Did he tell her something last night?

He told her something. Did he tell her he wanted a divorce? Did he tell her even if there was a baby………he was gonna be with me.

He already said that?

“That was the spell.”

(amazed) it was the spell.

(transmission) She can’t have a baby. She did it to trick him.

I mean i know you guys are bad with time though………so…..Is this you saying yes we were bad with time?

He knows why i emailed her.

So what did Laurie think of my email? She knows why i’m emailing?

When she comes to New York, is she gonna call me?

Like i said, when she comes to New York.

What about Lonnie?

(writes text message to the death doula)

So all this tuff about…Blond, like everything you’ve been feeding me about Blond being close to the edge, and Blond being insane? ……It’s been true, right?

And Blond being controlling….

But, do people know this?

(softly) “yes”

There were several spells, is that correct

She did somewhere like….would you say there were more than 15?

Were there more than 25?

So she did somewhere between 1 and 20….were there more than 20?

She did more than 20 spells on me and Jakk.

Has she lost her power over Jakk now?

Because of the spell i did yesterday.

Is he gonna feel it?

Or is he completely freaked out by her being pregnant.

But she had stopped taking her birth control…fucking bitch.

And she is gonna miscarry.

Oh yeah hardcore…..wow.

She gonna…..yeah i see that. I see that she’s going to miscarry. You’re making that very clear. (Exhales at visual shown) it’s gonna be…painful. Wow. It’s gonna be like my abortion.

She’s gonna be alone for it? (Seeing her alone)

Are you saying that she’s basically going to go through the experience i went through?

(doing the math) so that she’ll know what i went through.

Ohhhhh. Interesting. (exhaling again)

What week is she in?is she in…..9 weeks?

Is that right?Yeah? She’s in her 9th week?

Is it happening this week?

Whoa.

So the conversation that jakk and i had last night….didn’t actually happen yet. Is that correct?

He didn’t….so…ok

So the conversation about her miscarrying, that’s future

So he still can mostly hear me through Katie or through the pendulum

Is she gonna leave me alone now? Cause, you know, she called the cops yesterday. That is her boyfriend or someone who called me? Who seemed like an idiot?

I scared them though, right

Wait, she is scared of me? She should be

She should not have tricked Jakk into that baby.

So you think by the end of the week.

Am i gonna be busy today? Why aren’t my good clients finding me?

Do you think i can let go of the death doula for now?

I mean i have all the guides….i have you and Katie and Random. And now God. We could start looking at spiritual work, too.

Is Blond spiritual?

It’s so sad that she’s….she’s so fucked up

Like the spell is serious shit tho it needs to be…dealt with

You can’t go around casting spells on people

What is this pain right here about?

And i just tapped into the energy in my leg when i did that

Is that Katie?

Is that the thing with her and my brother?Is that why i woke up with Evita in my head? Talk to me about that.

(transmission, repeating) “John is suicidal”?

It is true about my sister-in-law text messaging?When the accident happened?

Katie does want me to tell him, is that true?

And God wants me to tell him. They feel it’ll keep him on earth.

So is this about……is this about doing that? Having to get started on it? (resigned) ok….i hear you.

So for now put Blond and Jakk on the back burner?

No problem. Cause that’s the priority.

When does this email need to be sent by?

You know Katie is my love.

I’ll do anything for her.

And John is my brother. When does the letter need to be sent by? The 24th? Earlier than that? Let’s look at the calendar.

“The 23rd? “

Ok I’m just gonna give you dates and you just tell me when’s the latest i can send it by. Today’s the 15th. Tellme the latest. The 16th…17th..18th….19th…the 20th…..the 21st….the 22nd…the 23rd…the 24th. So the 24th is when it has to be sent by. It has to be emailed by the 24th.

(Typing into calendar app) email letter to john the 24th

Wait…let’s make it ALL DAY

Done

Holy shit.

Ok that will..so i have to start writing it. Should i be sending him little text messages in the meanwhile? Little messages that Katie will tell me about. That gives me a week. And then i talk to jane on the 22nd and she can confirm stuff.

And then i send it on the 24th.

Did sonia and paul hate each other?

Was sonia sexually abused as a child?

By her father?

Was she…raped a lot as she was growing up?

So she had a similar life to me.

Is she buried in…france? In paris? So maybe when i go there i could find her.

Did nusch ever forgive paul for separating her and sonia?

Oh she did. But she didn’t see Paul very much in those last years…cause she went back to paris

(pause)

If i ask jakk if Blond is pregnant, will he say yes?

(pause)

You would only tell me true information. You wouldn’t tell me some true stuff and then some untrue stuff.

Your daughter is very troubled.

Should i do a session with Langston about this? That’s what i thought too.

“The baby and the accident are connected.”

Yeah.

But today we just need to focus on work because we need to make the money to give the landlord today.

And as long as i don’t email her call her/contact her….she cannot contact me anymore is that true?

So she can’t have access to me.

(cat purring) Why is her stomach….oh god.

Does she have a tumor in there? Is it malignant? Hold on cat

No. Noooo. It’s malignant?

(gasp)

“That’s why she’s so big.”

Is she in pain? Oh no…what do i do? (starting to freak out) i have to have it removed

(texting) she has a tumor….spirits….have to remove..(to cat) it’s ok, babe….it’s *big*....

Can she still be saved?

(typing) i just figured out why starla is so big…she has a tumor…

(to cat) it’s ok babe. We’re gonna figure it out. Now we know why you always want to be next to me. We’re gonna have to go to the vet

( Looks for an open vet)

(End of tape)

God 1/15/17

(crying)

Hi.

Thank you.

(cries harder til she can’t even talk)

Is katie sitting by me?

Ok good.

I don’t know if you remember, i don’t know if you were….

It was one of the first times, before katie died.

And i was talking to the spirits, but i wasn’t talking out loud

I was talking in my head (cracking) and i was saying so much

Did you hear me that time? (cries harder)

It was right after i had the dream about the baby. Right when it was all starting.

And it’s sort of this feeling of like, since then i’m always on this edge

I’m always on this edge….feeling like i’m going crazy.

Holding so much for this baby for so long.( Breaks down again, can’t talk)

And…when it started…to happen, i….kind of …(takes a breath) um, …i don’t know..desperate) i don’t know what i want to say.

Sometimes i feel like it’s never gonna end.

I feel like it’s gonna go on

And on

And like, i think that i’m …i know that i’m..a sinner, i know that people sin, no one’s perfect, i understand that…except for jesus and mary…and katie’s pretty good. (little laugh) if we want to look at it that way. But …i think i work really hard to mostly be good

I work really hard to be good, and i can’t tell if what’s happening …i can’t tell if i’m doing the right thing. Am i doing the right thing? I mean was it right of me to email Laurie? Did you want me to do that?

“Yes.”

I mean, i feel to a certain extent you expect bravery out of me.

Like you…i’m part Joan of Arc or something.

And…that’s fine (laughs)

I mean was i burned at the stake?

And that’s why this lifetime is so hard?

Was i *joan*?

(disbelieving) I was. I was. Really?

That’s why i’m brave.

Was that my most…famous..past life

(sighs)

Well i guess that makes sense. I remember being drawn to her as a child. Didn’t i do a report or something.

Does Random know i was Joan of arc? Were other people Joan of arc?

“Other people were too.”

A lot of people?

(asking) So i can figure out past lives. That’s something i can do for people.

What are you going in a circle about.

Something. Hold on. You want to say something. I have to figure out what it was in relation to.

We’re were talking about Joan o Arc, we were talking about Katie,...Antonin Artaud….no it’s not AA…Joan o Arc….my brother……

“About his past life.”

You want to do this now?

(sighs) oh god. Yes you want to do this right now.

John’s past life…

If i was Joan of arc was it more recent than that?

“Yes”

And it’s related to Katie. You want me to figure out him and Katie.

Was it …was it mid 1950’s?

Historical figure?

An artistic figure? Artistic figure, 1950’s.

Was it a painter? No

Was it a photographer? No

Was it a writer? No

Was it a comic book writer? No

Not a painter not a writer not a photographer…filmmaker? Was it a playwright? It wasn’t a writer. It wasn’t a playwright. Was it a screenwriter? Was it a …but it was some sort of artistic quality.

“It was a historical figure in the 1950’s.”

Why do i see Truman Capote? Is it right? No

Should i google?

“ marilyn Monroe.”

Are you serious?

No.

Was he a man?

He was a man. Elvis presley?

James dean?

Are you serious? Now you’re playing with me. (exasperated) how will i….

This is not working.

Yes youre telling me yes, it is working

Look let’s just have a straight up talk , katie will help me

I need…..

(a long moment)

Is this Blond?

Get out.

What did we say about that? She can’t come in, right?

Katie. She’s doing it again, right? Katie.

No way. No fucking way.

Katie. Get her out. Keep her away.

She’s not powerful.

(she eats cookies or pretzels or something, in silence.)

(End tape)

#watch the tapes

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thewingedwolf · 1 year

Text

omg i can’t tell anyone this but i have to tell SOMEONE rn so i’m telling u guys about this crazy ass shit at work, and when i say “crazy ass” i mean “is this one of those precursor moments where someone says ‘the signs were all there to stop the shooter but no one did anything and now he’s murdered a dozen people’” kind of crazy ass shit LISTEN

so i can’t remember how detailed i got but basically during a meeting of a committee for one our programs, which involves us having themes every month that every department (av, teen, ra, and reference (non fiction)) makes a list of items to promote, someone suggested “intro to romance” as in, The Genre romance. so one girl says “oh i love romance” and another says, a friend of mine, let’s call her emma, “i hate romance” and then a third, my friend as well, jokingly says “rani doesn’t read romance books with men in them” and i said “yeah when i read romance, it’s only lesbian romance” and then we moved on to ask if reference had enough books to fit that as a topic

i come into work to an email saying i’m being investigated for sexual harassment. there is no context, just “you are being investigated.” takes a phone call with our union rep, and like 3 or 4 with the steward before they finally figure out what it’s about. i write down my memory of it immediately as detailed as i can while it’s still fresh. it takes two weeks before i get a meeting with the director. i recount the memory. she says that i am quoted as saying “i hate men *laughs* all men *laughs again* no seriously i hate all men * laughs again*” i said i never said that, they said even if it was a joke it still counts i say again, i never said that.

a week later, we get all the info regarding who accused me - it was the only person in the room who didn’t speak, a man, let’s call him andrew. mid 30s, married with a kid, ex military. he seemed nice, he works with the kids & he likes to do funny voices when he reads & build crafts. well, the next day he goes to the director and writes out this two page screed about how the subject turned to “gay romances” and he got uncomfortable, and then i said i hated men. and how offensive and bigoted it was to say such a thing and how he would hope the library would deal with bigotry like this properly.

it’s another week before we meet with the mayor. the director brings FOUR LAWYERS. they say i have a history of insubordinate behavior and i should be terminated immediately. the following exchange occurs:

union rep: just so you know, the employee uses they/their pronouns.

lawyer, slightly panicked: oh we didn’t realize!

another lawyer, lips practically on the mic: i noticed you were using, was that Mx? to refer to the employee? let me make a note of that.

the mayor: im sorry, how were they supposed to know that? how was i supposed to know that? what does that have to do with anything?

union rep: simply correcting the pronoun usage, that’s all.

the mayor: no you know what that tells me? it tells me she’s going to continue to be a problem.

i got put on 2 weeks leave without pay. they appealed it, the mayor upheld the suspension, the union pushed it to arbitration. our union rep is suddenly given a new, lateral position somewhere else. we get a new guy, and he sends another email saying he’s pushing this to arbitration.

i left that job around valentine’s day. i was obviously losing my mind, you can look at all my text posts from then, lmao, and i’ve got a new job and it seems okay so far and i will survive just fine.

SO THEN. a friend that still works there, amy from the meeting, told me this weekend that andrew was working the same time as her that day. the library has a live chat service and he messages amy on there (instead of like, through an email or something) “is there anything you can use as a weapon around you” and she’s like “bitch what the fuck.” then he sends the same message to the girl whose working the desk next to her. she says “hey andrew” bc she’s the sweetest angel in the world but amy is like “BITCH STOP THATS A WEIRD FUCKING QUESTION TO ASK UNPROMPTED” and the precious angel does realize it’s weird, but she’d already said something so she typed “that’s an odd question. why do you ask?” they get no reply. then, SEVERAL HOURS LATER, amy is at the desk alone, and andrew comes down two whole floors to go ask amy, again, just walked up to the desk and asked “what around you would you use as a weapon?” she goes “very weird question andrew.” and he goes “huh” and leaves. she tells precious angel, and they agree they need to tell the manager. so today, amy walks in and the manager is sitting with precious angel, who cuts amy off to say “oh he messaged back.” so amy reads the message he *only* sent to ang, and it says

“sorry for late reply, with the way i was feeling that day, i asked everyone this question in case a situation were to occur but luckily it didn’t” and my friend was like bullshit, and she let the manager read his original question, then his reply, and the manager was like “NO THATS WEIRD AS SHIT” and prints it out and goes to the director.

well apparently the director first says andrew wants to do a “gun safety class” for TWEENS as a program, and asks the manager his opinion, and the manager is like “no comment, can we focus” and she pushes him AGAIN about how it’s a good idea and he goes “no comment can we focus”

so she finally says that andrew’s manager already talked to him and let him know it was creepy. his manager comes in, apparently looks super embarrassed and apologizes for andrew’s behavior. amy’s manager goes downstairs, pulls her into his office and tells her all this because he desperately needed to call the director a bitch for saying she doesn’t want to do drag story time but will do gun safety for kids and please let this bitch do this program so he can tell all his bougie liberal friends and they can make a big stink about it. lmao, he was pissed, they were both talking about how bizarre all this is, and then andrew calls and says he wants to come talk to them. manager is like “yeah sure” puts the phone down and is like “this boy better not set himself for an intimidation charge by coming down here himself holy shit” but andrew comes down. he has typed up an apology he wants to read to them. he gives them both a paper copy. in his apology, he says that with all that’s been happening [something did happen im not saying what bc i don’t want to like, self dox or whatever aksjd but there was some nonsense going on but nothing came of it] he wanted to be sure that everyone was thinking clearly and being more aware, and that he’s “sorry if either of you two took offense at what i said.” both the manager and my friend felt it was a patronizing apology and were like “we get that you’ve been in the military and been deployed but the vast majority of people haven’t and asking about shit like that unprompted is threatening and you need to acknowledge that.” andrew side steps actually acknowledging he did anything wrong, then leaves.

SO YEAH THATS WHAT HAPPENED. AM I RIGHT TO THINK THIS IS KIND OF NUTS???

#work tag #i feel like i’m losing my mind omg

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cvokhauz · 2 years

Text

i am spiralling for multiple reasons and maybe writing it out will help. it’s very difficult to get my own thoughts under control, i have not experienced this since i was about 13. first of all, my bachelor’s thesis is due today and while it is 99% percent done i keep putting off the actual putting of it in the digital repository for minuscule reasons because once it is there, that’s IT and i cannot change it and i live in fear i will notice some glaring mistake immediately after i do that, which is irrational as fuck. anyway i gotta basically just wait for the title confirmation and upload it and then go print it. (which costs money which is another thing i am paranoid about i keep spending and costing people money and for what, being an uncertain useless fucking wreck) and then whatever will be will be.

but being in this state for so long is making me question my sanity. i can’t fucking eat, i keep hurling up everything except like orange juice and mana, i am tense and have a pit of anxiety in my stomach which makes me wish for literally anything else. passive suicidal ideation extremely common.

now, i’ve convinced myself i have ADHD or some form of neurodivergency because i fit a lot of the experiential symptoms reported by other people, mostly interest-focused attention, highly fluctuating, trouble concentrating, memory like a fucking colander, need for stimulation (always doodling, drawing, reading)

but previously (at the Bad Time when i was 13) i got diagnosed with OCD, mostly on the basis of these same spiralling catastrophic thought patterns i am experiencing now, and i distinctly remember being unable to put down a book or any other form of stimulation keeping me occupied and engage with material reality because within like 15 minutes i would start shaking and crying uncontrollably. it feels very much like i am holding on to a last tiny straw to keep myself from slipping back to that place. obviously this is due to high stress of the situation right now, but also i can’t keep going on like this and i have not found meaningful help yet. i keep self-sabotaging by forgetting my appointment dates even if i write them down immediately in several places. i dont remember, i lose my diary, i lose my phone, forget to check email. i’ve tried to pursue clinical diagnosis in a reputable center in prague bc a friend recommended it, which took a tremendous amount of energy to reach out to and communicate out all the bureaucracy, but on the day i was supposed to go there, while on the fucking train to the place, they texted me to say my appointment is cancelled due to the clinician having covid vaccine complications. so since then i haven’t been able to muster up the energy for another try but i really fucking feel like i need to because this situation is unsustainable.

this is all absolutely ridiculous because i am studying psychology and want to become a clinical psychologist myself. lol. also im wondering if the adhd-like symptoms i am exhibiting are maybe partially developed as a coping mechanism for the ocd stuff? thoughts cant spiral if you have a million of them and always jump to the next shiny thing. cant dwell if u cant even concentrate. also i’ve seen my parents this weekend and it really struck me how much of the neurosis and dwelling comes from my dad (is it genetic? is it learned bc he projected it on me when i was small?) and the hyperactivity and self esteem issues from my mum, who is quintessentially an elementary school teacher at all times.

theoretically i know what a healthy goal for my life and mental health looks like, but i can’t fucking. get there. or cant seem to be able to get there. without external support. and the worse it gets the worse i get at reaching for this support. anyway. moral of the story is - even if my bakalářka fails, i will survive somehow and do a new one and get some fucking help hopefully.

i really should see someone about this.

#tw mental health #rant

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barnes-n-nobles · 2 years

Text

Dont You Forget (SMUT)

Request:

I really love your Bucky fics and let me tell you something, I. Just. Can't. Get. Enough. Of. It! I truly meant every words I said, seriously.

Can I request a Soft!Dark!Mob!Bucky smut being a possessive, lying, manipulator, control freak he is? Like, he won't let you see any of your family or letting you have any friends at all, putting a tracker inside your phone, monitoring all of your activities, gets jealous very easily, always have his men following you around so you can't escape him (If you ever tried), persuade you into quitting your job so you have to financially depends on him, basically all the red flags there are.

Pretty please and thank you. Keep in mind there's no rush in this, I want you to enjoy your own writing too so take your time!!

Tell my why I absolutely love this MMMMMM!! You're too kind! I tried to make him as soft as possible while keeping that dark element to him, I hope thats okay. I also hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it ~

Thank you for your request! Please reblog, like, and let me know what you think!

Warnings: smut, drugging, threats of murder, manipulation, overall toxic behavior, stalking, slight dumbification?

18+ !!!! If you “keep reading” you are acknowledging that you are 18+ and that you have read the warnings.

Please Do not translate, no permission to repost any of my writing on any other platform, and do not copy this and claim it as your own.

He knew it. His intuition was nothing short extraordinary. Bucky watched as you sat down during your break to chat with one of your colleagues. The cafe you worked at was a very popular destination for wealthy people, not everyone was willing to pay $12 a cup every morning. This was a decent sized establishment with big open windows that customers loved lounging in. Bucky had actually met you here while you were first hired on. He came every single day to see you, making short but sweet conversations. He was parked in the other side of the street, his eyes watched your colleagues moves intensively, making sure he didn’t touch you at all. Buckys thoughts were beginning to get dark with every smile and laugh you flashed at him. He thought about going in there and dragging you out, or beating the fuck out of the little shit, or even better, holding a gun pointed right between his eyes to show him that he does not share with anyone. That last thought had his mouth curl up in a sinister smile. Oh how he loved to cause problems.

You two had been texting for the past 3 days and he kept flirting with you. You never followed along though and you had to remind him constantly that you had a boyfriend. The guy obviously didnt give a fuck and Bucky was getting tired of it. Bucky originally found out because your phone lit up with a name that was not familiar to him. He pretended he didnt see it and you didnt say anything about it either. He had a feeling that you were doing something behind his back, but he decided to trust you. However that didnt last too long because that night he hacked into your phone remotely and he was able to see every single thing you did on it. From texts, to calls, pictures, emails, social medias. Everything. He was able to see it all through his computer. He fidgeted with his fingers, trying to calm himself down as he watched the idiotic man talk to you. Taking his phone out, he started to call you, watching you as he brought it up to his ear. You felt your phone vibrate, reading it was his contact name, you pressed the green button immediately. “Bucky...whats up” your sweet tone almost calmed him down, but he needed to hold on to his anger a little longer.

“My doll...are you busy?”

“Not really just went to break. Is everything okay? You sound kind of off”

Bucky let out a breathy chuckle. Your perceptiveness was remarkable, another trait he loved about you.

“My precious girl, I’m going to ask you somethin’ and I need you to answer it truthfully. Can you do that for me?”

You gulped, your eyes darting right to your colleague who was chomping down on his food, scrolling mindlessly through his phone.

“Y-yes, ofcourse” Fuck. When you stuttered it meant that you were nervous. You hoped that it was barely noticeable and that he didnt pick up on it.

“who is Seth”

“Hes one of my coworkers here at the cafe”

“Hmmm. Why havent you told me about him”

“Bucky..its really not that big of a deal, hes just a friend here at work.”

“Darling, that didnt answer my question. Why havent you told me about him”

At this point you knew there was no way you would be getting out of this without arguing. You quickly muted yourself and told Seth, “Im going to the bathroom, Ill be a while in there. Can you cover for me?” Seth noticed your expression drop, knowing that you were worried about something. “Sure, is everything okay?” he grabbed your hand and felt it shake. “Oh my God y/n whats wrong?”. You took a deep breath before pulling your hand away from his, “nothing ill be right back” as you turned he grabbed you again, this time by your arm. “No, tell me whats going on. Is it your toxic boyfriend? What did he say to you to have you this worked up. Look at your hands, they're literally shaking”. “Look ill explain later” as you shrugged him off you turned to walk towards the restroom, only to see that Bucky was already walking towards you.

“Seth fucking Powers. So you're the one thats been talking to my girl. Didnt anyone ever teach you to not go for someone whos already taken? C’mon..why are you braking the bro code”. Bucky was fuming. His steps were heavy, his gloved hand in a fist as if he was getting ready to smash the guys face in at any given moment. You got in front of Bucky, placing your small hand on his abdomen. “Please Bucky, dont do this. Not here” you whispered, looking around the cafe to make sure no one was looking, but all eyes were on you and your problematic man. Seth chuckled, “Of course I know that. But youre a control freak who doesnt let his girl breathe. Why do you think we've gotten so close, she needs someone to confide in, someone who gets her, and can listen to all the bullshit you put her through. You did this to yourself. Look at her, she clearly doesn't want this, but you're too much of a rabid dog to comprehend or even acknowledge what she want and needs.” Seth was exposing you. You did indeed confide in him, but he wasn't supposed to say it out loud, ever. Bucky looked down at your for a moment, as if asking you if that was true. All you could do was shake your head in disagreement. Bucky used his arm to push you away, getting all close and personal with Seth, who was surprisingly not backing down.

“The only reason why I dont blow your fucking brains out right now is because of MY doll..shes the only reason why you're alive right this second. But she wont be here to protect your miserable life ever again, you will pay for this..with your life and thats a promise. I hope it was worth it.” Bucky turned around and grabbed your wrist, dragging you out of the cafe. As you tried to keep up with him, you turned around to give the cafe one last look, knowing that you would never be stepping foot in there again. When you got to his car, he opened the door for you and motioned with his head to get in. When you did, he slammed the door, making you jump a little. The car ride home was so freaking long, you didn't even dare move a muscle because you didn't want to distract him from his thoughts. Maybe it would trigger him to remember that you were in the car, hence making him talk.

As he raced through the busy city, you took your phone out. You saw that Seth had sent you quite a lot of long messages. Before you could start reading them,Bucky grabbed your phone and crushed it in his hand. “What the fuck! Why did you do that” your voice rose, but careful to not make it too loud. “Y/n, im going to ask you to stop talking. I dont want to do anything stupid. Please just shut up” he could loose his shit over everything, he’d scream at the top of his lungs when speaking to people on the phone and even in person, but he never did it to you. He tried his hardest to stay calm and not scare you, just as he had promised to do so when you two started to go out. Before you got home you got an idea that would hopefully deescalate his mood. As you two pulled up, you stormed out of the car. Running as fast as you could towards your shared bedroom. Bucky was not even parked yet when you got out. He was so confused but instead of laughing about it, he got more mad. He quickly parked the car and told his guards to go home and switch out with the night crew, which were the ones that made sure no one got in or out of the property unless it was him. Buckys mansion was beautiful, he made a lot of money in his businesses but he made even more on top of that by being the head of the mafia. He controlled all of the southern borders, allowing drugs to flow in to the US from Mexico, Latin America and the West Coast while his best friend Steve Rogers controlled the northern borders and the East Coast. Making them the most successful and powerful mafia in the world.

As you ran through the house, you could hear faint steps behind you which grew closer and closer. You started to giggle as you thought that he was playing with you too. When you reached the bedroom, you closed it, only for the door to fly open making you fall to the floor. Giggling, you looked up at Bucky only to see his death stare, making your smile fade. “Do you think this is a joke? Are my feelings a joke to you” he slammed the door closed and locked it. “Im sorry Bucky, I thought we were p-playing around now” you stammered while trying to catch your breath. He walked towards you, looking down at you, before grabbing you by your neck and lifting you up to your feet, “Im so fucking mad right now y/n..I keep remembering that imbeciles hands on you and it makes me want to burn him alive” he said through gritted teeth, his hands still wrapped around your neck. The feeling of having him this close made your body tingle, his dominant aura radiating off of him.

“Bucky, please don’t. I’m sorry” your words meant nothing to him. He knew if you were truly sorry you wouldn’t say it, you would show it. He scoffed and let you go, making you stumble onto the end of bed bench. “Miss me with that bullshit. I know you’re not sorry. You kept a secret from me, knowing damn well how badly that would hurt me”. Something about that last sentence got you heated. “Hurt you? Bucky, you made me cut all of my friends off. Friendships that I’ve had for years, for you! If anyone is hurt, it’s me. I felt lonely and lost, but I thought I was okay with it because of you but now…Seth helped me see things for what they are not how you wanted me to see them”. Wow, you couldn’t believe you just said that. Bucky narrowed his eyes, his forehead lines were visible as he scrunched his eyebrows. “So you’re fucking tell me you felt better talking to that bitch than me?! After all I’ve done for you? I let you have a job and this is how you show me you’re grateful?…you can forget about it though you’re never going to work again. You can find something to do in this house. You got everything you could ever want under this roof” as he stormed off, he slammed the door making you flinch. Your heart felt like it was in your stomach, a stupid prisoner with golden bars. You weren’t going to deal with this anymore thought. This was the last straw, so you decided to pack up your shit and leave.

As you went through the closet, most of your items were expensive pieces of clothing that he bought you. The shoes were almost all heels and wedges. You needed something comfortable to blend in with and run in. As you realized that most of your old clothes that were actually yours were gone, you grabbed some black sweats and a black hoodie of his to get the hell out. You managed to find some old workout shoes you had and got ready to go. There was cameras almost everywhere, so your only way out would be through the window. When you opened it, the sensor went off, announcing that the window had opened. As you pushed it up, you threw one leg over the ledge and the other one followed. Pushing your body out, you landed on your feet, groaning at the feeling of them hurting as you got down. Moving quickly, you started to make your way through the property, evading any guards and blending in as much as you could with the huge bushes and shrubs. Thankfully, you were able to make it to the gate, now the last obstacle was the gate guard. He was the one that opened the gate, but there wasnt any way that he would just let you go through without his boss’ permission. The only thing you were able to do was wait until someone passed through so you could run right out.

*Back at the house*

Bucky was drinking some whiskey to help with his anger. Most women would just listen and follow directions when a man of power was in their life, but not you. You were not like other women, you were a challenge and he loved it. He often blamed your stubbornness to your age. You were the youngest girlfriend hes ever been with, so you two would butt heads a lot. He was more traditional, and you were more modern but you two made it work beautifully. Bucky had a very short temper, he got stressed often, however, you were able to take it all away. When he needed to take his anger out, you were the first thing he did when he got home. His heightened senses were able to detect exactly where you were, almost hunting you down. As soon as he laid eyes on you, he pounced, taking you right then and there, chasing his much needed release. You were erotic to him, he just couldn't have enough of you. As he thought back on all of those times you were there to have fun with him, he softened, realizing how shitty he treated you a bit ago. You were probably right, but he was just too angry to even hear you out. You were his doll, always there for him, needing you by his side forever. He really did love you so much, he cared for you and cherished you like no one has ever done before. You two were meant for each other. All these thoughts in Buckys head, had him yearning for you. When he went back into the room, he noticed it was a bit cold, quickly shutting the window. He noticed that the shower was going, so he waited for you to come out.

“My Doll..its me. I know youre mad but lets talk..please” a couple moments went by, and nothing. “Darling, you know I dont like to be ignored. Answer me” this time he went to the door and knocked on it. Still nothing. Bucky was mad all over again, grabbing the doorknob and twisting it, only to have it stop due to it being locked. He took a deep breath, forcing the knob all the way down, breaking it instantly. He pushed the door open, only to see the shower going..with out you in it. He could feel his heart almost jump out of his chest, he pulled out his phone and called the head of security.

“Have anyone of you seen y/n?”

“I havent boss. Let me ask the crew”

Buckys rage started to overpower him, his heart was racing and his jaw was clenching like crazy. He couldn't even track you because he stupidly broke your phone hours ago.

“Nothing boss. No one has seen her. Is everything okay?”

“No, go through all the camera footage from when we got home till now. Have the rest of the men look for her on the property. I need the day crew back, tell them to get into their cars and search for her all over the city.Ill pay double time for their work. Whoever finds her, tell them to keep her there until I arrive”

Your feet carried you through the city streets, running like a maniac to get to your families house. They would surely help you, and besides Bucky didn't know where they lived so you would be safe there. Your side started to hurt, sprinting as fast as possible, getting closer and closer. When you got there, you were relieved to see that all the lights in the house were on. You caught your breath before knocking on the door, taking in breath after breath. The door unlocked and you were met with your mother, who instantly went to hug you, “My god! my little y/l! I thought we would never see you again” her voice cracked as she started to cry. Her warm embrace was enough to have you in tears as well. “Mom, I missed you. Im so sorry for not coming sooner”. Your mom rubbed you back, “Dont worry hun, come in hurry”. As she walked you in, you froze. Your face turning pale at the sight. “James..” is all you could say.

Bucky got up from the couch, half smiling as he approached you. You took a step back but he had you in his arms before you could go any further. “My precious Doll...you have no idea how worried I was...” his hand went from your waist, up to your back and under your hair, he grabbed the back of your neck and squeezed it, making you wince, “Never..do this again to me again, okay?” The profuse fear that was coursing through you was something you hadn't felt before. “why dont you stay here for tonight” your mom suggested, holding onto her hands as if she was pleading, “Yes id like that” you answered as you let go of Bucky. He just followed you with his eyes, waiting for you to make eye contact with him but since you were actually avoiding it, he got frustrated.

“y/n, we need to talk outside..lets go”

“I dont really want to talk, I just want to sle-”

“I said lets go outside” his tone was harsh this time, and your mom noticed.

“James, maybe its a good idea if you just go home and let her stay here tonight. Ill take her to you tomorrow in the morning.”

“Look y/m/n, do not intervene. Your daughter needs to learn how to obey me. In fact, lets go. Were leaving right now” Bucky went to grab you by your wrist and started dragging you out. “Dont even try to call the cops y/m/n, they all work for me”. That was the last thing he said to her before dragging you out to the car. “What the fuck is wrong with you” you spat, finally breaking your hand away from his harsh grip. “Im sorry baby” he pulled out a cloth and a brown bottle along with it. When he started to soak it, you were a bit confused as to what he was doing, but then it registered that he was about to chloroform you. When you tried to run, he yanked you by your hair pulling you back into him, covering your nose and mouth. Struggling against him, you felt weak, the world started to blur, your eyes were being consumed by darkness until you fully passed out. Bucky grabbed onto your body, placing it in the back seat before giving you a kiss, “Dont worry my love, were going somewhere far far away where only you and I will be happy”.

Bucky drove hours to get to the mountains. He got to his newly built cottage that you fantasized about living in when you grew old. He wanted to gift it to you as one of your wedding presents but this would have to do. No one know about this new property, not even his best friend Steve. This was a safe house, completely bullet proof, the windows do not break, soundproof, everything that he needed for an emergency. The doors didnt open unless a key was used, it even had a secret basement that was accessible through the kitchen island, but the best part of all, it was completely off the radar. As he arrived, he took you in first, placing your limp body on the couch. He brought in all the luggage that he gathered from the other house and place it into the master bedroom. He then brought you to bed, waiting for you to wake. As time went by, he noticed that you would not wake up, so he had to get some ammonia and put it near your nose to have you come back.

“My love...wake up” he whispered, shaking you a little. The piercing aroma woke you up, making you turn your head away from it. Feeling disoriented when you opened your eyes, your mouth started to water as if you were going to throw up. You quickly sat up and covered your mouth, trying to swallow as much as possible to not be sick. Bucky watched as you started to react and smiled at how silly you looked. “My doll..how are you feeling? You look like a lost puppy” he giggled, brushing the hair off of your face. Once you started to look around, you thought you were still dreaming. This area seemed so familiar. Everything you told Bucky you wanted in a house was there. “Is this a dream, where am I” your voice was hoarse, feeling your throat dry. “No baby its not. Were in the cottage that you always wanted to be in” Bucky reached over to get you a glass of water. “here drink this while I explain”.

“After your little stunt, I decided it would be much better if we just came here for a while. This way, there will be no distractions and we can focus on our relationship. Ill forgive everything you've done, but under 1 condition....you submit yourself to me completely”. Suddenly everything came back. “Did you fucking drug me to bring me here?” getting up from the bed, away from him. “Dont talk to me like that, show me some respect” he warned, getting up with you. He reached for your hand but you yanked it away. “You're insane James. I cant believe you've done this. What makes you think I want to be with you when you've gone to this length over something so little.” Bucky laughed, charging towards you, grabbing you by the neck and pinning you against the wall. “If you think cheating on me is something “little” then youre the one whos fucking insane. I love you y/n, I will not let you ruin this for us. Im the best thing thats ever happened to you. Ive helped you and your annoyingly nosy family like no one ever has. The least you can do is show me a little bit of appreciation”

His metal arm was squeezing you a little too tight, making it hard for you to breathe, “youre a m-murder..why should I-I”. His eyes went wide, letting you go immediately. As you coughed to catch your breath he backed away, there was an expression you've never seen before in his eyes, but it looked like shock. “When you told me about your past as the Winter Soldier, I should have just left. You have no remorse over anyone lives. I dont want that in my own”

“Then why did you stay”

“I...I dont know” feeling your face heat up, you turned your back towards him, knowing damn well why you stayed. Bucky walked up behind you, pressing his body against yours. His flesh hand snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him while his metal one went up to grab your face. You tried to move away, but his grip on you was too tight. His hand moved it to the side, exposing your neck, he traced his nose over your shoulder and up to your neck, taking in your scent as he littered kisses from the base of your neck up to your ear. “Go on..tell me why” he let out a breathy laugh, making you get a shiver down your spine. “Bucky..” you moaned accidentally. “Baby, could it be because you're a horny little thing? Hm? You looove it when I touch you all over. All those times you threaten to leave me..you can never really do it because you know youll miss this” he pressed his erection into your ass, moaning out your name, knowing you love it when he does that. “No one can fuck you like I can, y/n...and frankly I know you dont want anyone else but me to do so” his hand dipped inside of your pants, rubbing your clit over your now wet panties. You arched your back, your head falling onto his shoulder, bitting your lip to not moan. He ghosted his lips over your ear, whispering, “Youre never going to leave me, Doll...you know why? Because youre mine. Fight me, kick me, punch me..anything but it wont change the fact that you only belong to me..and dont you forget it”

He pulled out his hand, and loosed his grip on you, quickly turning you around to face him. He connected his lips with yours, french kissing you as he guided you into bed. He pushed you down, and watched you pant, smiling to himself at how beautiful you looked when you got manhandled by him. “Why are you looking at me like that. Please just come here” you whined, motioning for him to join you. “Do you deserve it?” Silence. You knew that you didnt, but you still wanted it..soooo badly. “I asked you a question” he insisted. “Well..no but I..you cant leave me like this”

“Catching an attitude will not get you what you want, brat. Come here and show me how much you want me”. You quickly got up, unbuckling his pants, yanking the Gucci belt off of him and then undoing his pants. Bucky loved seeing you like this, so horny to the point of not caring how desperate you looked. He adored it. He got so hard, just thinking how we was going to keep you in this place until you learned how to be obsessed with him just as he obsessed over you. Taking his thick cock into your mouth, caused him to shudder, moaning out in pleasure. “Mmm fuck y/n...you filthy little whore” he grabbed a fistful of your hair, making you bob your head faster. You gagged yourself on his dick, your nose touching his pubes, taking all of it in. You them took him out, panting, only to do it again and again. “Such a good girl...your mouth feels heavenly”.

“Please...can you fuck me” you tried to speak while having your mouth full of his cock. Bucky went mad when you did that. He grabbed your hair again and yanked you back onto the bed. He tore your clothes off, making you smile at how rough he was being. As he got naked, you decided to go a little farther. You spread your legs open, touching yourself as you watched him get undress, “buckyyyyy...pleasee come here” you moaned, rubbing your clit. Bucky grabbed your hands and pinned them up to the sides of your head, almost crushing your wrists. “What have I told you about touching yourself without my permission? Are you trying to get punished?” when you laughed, it gave it all away. “what a fucking slut” he spat. He opened your legs with him, and slammed himself into you, instantly thrusting in and out. With no time to adjust, you screamed at the sensation. He was so deep inside you, hitting your g-spot with every snap pf his hips. “s-stop..it hurts” you moaned, balling your hands up into a fist. “No..I know you can take it” his fingers wedged themselves into yours, interlocking them. He panted against your neck, giving you kisses at first then sucking hickeys onto it. He growled like an animal, at how good your pussy ate him up. He eventually started to bite you, making you gasp. “Buckyyy..” you moaned, your hands squeezing his.

“Youre mine y/n...this is me marking you as my property. No one can have you but me. F-fuck..who does this pussy belong to?” he angled his hips a little before hammering into you again. Your grunted and screamed at how delicious he felt, “fuckk..you..yours”. He chuckled darkly, “come on my slut...form a complete sentence...or are you too fucking dumb to do it? Is your brain not working because of all this cock thats inside of you?hm? my little dumb baby” the way he had you, was too much. You couldn't hold it and you squirted all over him, your legs shaking as you did. As you convulsed under him, he let go of your hands, and wrapped them around your neck. The image of him fucking you, as his hands were on your throat was pornographic. His bulgy flesh and metal muscles tensing up, as his dog tags dangled over you, was just so sexy. “C-cum inside me Bucky..please..im yours to use and abuse” you choked out. He bit his bottom lip, before cursing through gritted teeth. Your lewd words were enough to push him over the edge, making him spill his warm seed inside of you. He thrusted into you a couple more times, before laying on top of you as he caught his breath.

“Bucky..youre crushing me” you struggled to lift him up, but he got up using his arms, and didnt disconnect his dick from inside you. “Sorry Doll..just give me like a couple minutes. I want to go again”

“again? I dont think thats such a good idea. We still need to talk about this whole situation.”

“Ugh dont ruin the moment. Just understand that we will be staying here for a while. Just until we can figure things out”

“Bucky...I dont know”

“of course you do. You did a really shitty thing to me and we are here to make sure that wont happen again. You promise to be good for me, right?”

There wasn't any indication that he was lying so you decided to trust him. “Right” you answered, even though your gut told you otherwise.

#bucky #bucky reader x smut #yandere marvel #yandere bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #dark! bucky x reader #winter soldier smut #winter soldier imagine #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes #Sebastian Stan #sebastian smut #winter solider x y/n #winter solider imagine #marvel imagine #Dark Fic #dark marvel #dark marvel smut #bucky fanfic

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chaoticornot · 2 years

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So, this started as a post about why Danny does all the paperwork and, it turned into a rant about why Danny is the second boss of Five-o. So, that means they are partners, and they are both the boss. So enjoy.

I think it started when Five-o was set up. So at first, everyone does their own paperwork. Then they sent it to Steve so that he can sign off on it, and sent it to to the governor. But the governor keeps complaining that it isn't detailed or good enough. Danny just gets so tired of it that he is just like, Just send it to me when you're done. Danny then checks over their report and corrects things and adds details, and on some occasions just rewrites the whole thing, signs off on it, and then sends it to to the governor. At first, she is confused but then just really glad that she is getting decent reports. And over time when she needs something she just calls or emails Danny instead of Steve. Like: Could you please sign this? or: Could you please get me this report. And Danny by that point is like: Alright, I have taken over apparently.

That does mean he has more paperwork than anybody else but, Steve is very confused about how Danny gets it done. And let me be clear. It is not because Steve can’t do paperwork because he can. He likely had to do it in the Navy. It is the fact that he has to sit behind his desk and, do nothing but write and sign things that he hates. And everyone just started sending Danny their reports and, if they had a question they would ask him instead of Steve. Steve didn’t mind at all and, Danny wasn’t too bothered by it.

But when Lou came to the team, he didn’t know and sent his reports to Steve, who would then forward them to Danny. And when Lou found out and questioned Steve about it. He just went: Danny is better at it and, then, I don��t have to do it. And when Tani and Junior join the team, Lou tells them to send everything to Danny and, they are confused but comply. And then one day Danny goes: I can’t join you, I have a meeting with the governor. And Steve is just like: Right, I forgot. See you tonight. Have fun. And the team is like: why do you have a meeting with the governor. And they are just like: we found out years ago that this is just easier for everyone involved.

But Steve still has to know the basics because he is the boss on paper. So every week Danny makes a very short and easy list with things Steve needs to know which, takes him like a minute to read. And after every meeting, he gives Steve a very short summary. He does it during moments Steve is doing something. Like when they are in the car, or when they are walking, or when Steve is preparing the barbeque.

At some point, Tani starts calling Danny boss instead of Steve. She thinks it's hilarious. But it is kinda true because he is the boss in anything but on paper. Steve and Danny are obvious partners in this too. But, on paper Danny is the second in command, but that does mean he is the person that kind of has to check Steve. The only thing Steve has to sign are the papers for Danny to take a vacation or a day off because Danny does the rest because the governor has permitted it. So when Danny gives him a paper and asks him to sign. He does without even looking at it because that is the only thing it could be. But Steve has to have his signed by Danny. But this is especially hilarious when they collaborate with another agency like the FBI or CIA. Because Danny signs those to and they are so confused and call the governor but they are like that makes sense.

And even without paperwork. Steve doesn’t decide without involving Danny. Like when they have to work with someone else, Steve and Danny always share a look to make sure they are on the same page, and then Steve agrees. If they are thinking about adding a new team member. They discuss it first together or just over text or a phone call. If they both agree they talk with the team about and if they are okay with it, they give the batch. The end decision is theirs.

But also when someone comes in and says they need to talk to the boss and Steve is there but, Danny isn’t yet then, he is like Oh, we need to wait for a minute on my partner. And a few minutes later Danny walks in with coffee, and they can proceed. This is especially hilarious with people that rank really high or are quite rude. If Steve isn’t there yet, he takes them into Steve’s office and sits on his chair. And when Steve comes in they expect Danny to leave or for Steve to get mad but, Steve doesn’t even react to it. And Danny is like: We have been waiting for you. And if one of them really can’t get there, the other does the meeting. Some people get mad about it.

Also, the first governor isn't there to tell the second. But after a conversation with Steve and Danny, he accepts it. And when the new governor comes he tells her to just accept, and go with it.

I think this also has a lot to do with the fact that Danny can manipulate his words, and the law so that it is legal and, it is correct. While steve is too blunt to do that.

Thank you for reading this rant.

#Danny Williams #Steve McGarrett #McDanno #Hawaii Five 0 #lou grover #tani rey #junior reigns #Kono Kalakaua #CHIN HO KELLY

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helliontherapscallion · 3 years

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(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Thursday (Part 2)

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday (Part 1) Friday Saturday Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: panic attacks, swearing, puking, concussions, mentions of injuries/bullying, homophobia

Word count: 5,138

After school, you were sitting on the couch as you furiously typed on your keyboard at an extremely fast pace. You were on a roll with these essays, they were probably going to be finished by the time you had to go back to the school to get on the bus with the team. You figured that you could even finish Annie’s essay and get started on Sammy’s US history presentation on the sociopolitical climate of the United States in the mid twentieth century to today. However, instead of covering a variety of topics like the rubric requested you to do, you were only going to talk about the significant events that happened to the LGBT+ community starting with Stonewall and going to Obergefell v. Hodges. You were also going to go in depth about how even if there are more opportunities available and more laws set in place to protect for LGBT+ people in the present then there were in past, members of the LGBT+ community still suffer heavy discrimination in the workplace and in the public. With receipts of course, the assignment required a minimum of three pictures per slide, and the group chat was a perfect source.

After that was done, you would email Sammy’s teacher (you had her last year for US history and you knew that she had a son in the grade below you currently transitioning from female to male) that you were the one that did her project and send screenshots of Sammy calling you slurs. Luckily for you, you had receipts of her being transphobic in the past that you could also send. Everything was effortlessly falling into place for you today.

As you were typing, the front door swung open and two overly excited fifth graders ran into the house and up the stairs. A tired Schlatt followed them. “I will never know how the hell Phil keeps up with them.”

“I dunno, maybe because he’s already raised three kids before.”

You watched as your uncle jumped and whipped his head over towards you, his hand clutching his chest. He lightly glared at you, “christ kid don’t do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

You smirked at him before turning back to your laptop to continue typing the essay. You were almost done with the conclusion paragraph on Annie’s essay and you wanted to get to Sammy’s presentation as fast as possible. As you were typing, you felt a warm air fan across your neck and your uncle’s voice right next to your ear, “whatcha typin?”

You lept off the couch and almost fell into the coffee table before steadying yourself and deadpanning at Schlatt. “I was typing an essay before you interrupted me.”

He snorted, “it looked like you were on a roll, just thought I’d see what my beloved niece was writing. Can I read it?”

Your eyes lit up as an excited grin split your cheeks, “yeah, but lemme catch you up real quick. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie got mad at me a few days ago and wanted me to do some homework for them as a sort of payment. But after they pulled that little stunt in the lunchroom yesterday, they decided to be little bitches to me and call me slurs. So naturally, I decided to change the essay prompt into an in depth analysis about discrimination LGBT people face from their peers on the daily. My english teacher’s really against homophobia and the project’s worth twenty five percent of our overall grade, so it’s perfect.”

While you were rambling on and on about your detailed plot for revenge, Schlatt couldn’t help but be proud of the person you’d become. A major part of him was impressed that you came up with a detailed plan so quickly, that meant that his cunning nature was rubbing off on you and that made him ecstatic. Sure you mentioning not being straight was new to him, but he was prepared to accept you for whatever you identified as. He didn’t care how people identified, he just cared if they were good people. And his niece was one of the best kids he knew. He’d let your slip up slide for now until you felt comfortable enough to properly come out to him.

“That an amazing plan, fuckin brilliant. Though, you could do more.”

That piqued your interest, “I’m listening.”

“Do you have any blackmail?”

Your eyes glinted with sudden understanding, “why yes I do, uncle dearest. I just so happen to have thousands of texts from them talking shit about each other and basically the entire school. And them being incredibly racist. They would be destroyed if that came out.”

“Two things. One, never call me that again. Two, perfect. Keep it as leverage if they try to do something. You don’t pull out all the good cards in the first round, you wait for the right moment to strike so you can win. You need to constantly defend yourself against other players and anticipate their every move. If you leak everything right now, you won’t have anything to use against them if they have something up their sleeve you didn’t know about. Patience is key in things like this.”

You absorbed every single word that came out of his mouth like it was the holy gospel. Although he was your uncle and you loved him with all your heart, but he was a sly bastard when he wanted to be. He knew his way around fighting and manipulating people just right, so you were incredibly happy that you were on his good side and he absolutely adored you. Though questionable and morally gray, he was giving you advice because he cared about you and you’d be an idiot to not heed his advice.

“That’s genius, Uncle Schlatt. What would I do without you?”

“You’d get along just fine without me, you would’ve gotten there eventually. You’re smart. I’m just givin you a little push in the right direction.”

“I honestly would’ve never thought about waiting, I was so dead set on getting revenge that I would’ve just leaked everything all at once. I want them to feel how I felt when they were around me. I-” you paused. Would this make you the same as them? You’d be screwing up all their grades, Adrian’s job, and Sammy’s athletic career. You came to the chilling realization that you’d be the same as them. You’d be as manipulative as they were. “...Uncle Schlatt, would that make me the same as them?”

“Fuck no! You’re always gonna be better than them no matter what. When they’re at their best, you’re always gonna be a whole lot better than them. They deserve what’s happening to them, it sounds like they put you through so much shit the past few years. I actually think you could do a whole lot worse to them if you’re willing to put more work in, but it’s your plan and if you think that what you’re doing is too much,” he darkly chuckled, “you wouldn’t like my idea.”

“You’re right, they deserve everything I have planned for them. God, I don’t know what I was thinking, ‘would that make me the same as them,’” you mocked what you said earlier, “what a load of shit. Anyways, thanks Uncle Schlatt. I’m gonna get back to writing this. They’re due tomorrow and I wanna finish as much as I can before I have to go.”

“Alright, whaddya want for dinner? Phil’s gonna be like thirty minutes late from work so I’m cookin tonight.”

Oh no. No, no, no, no. That man can barley cook boxed mac n cheese, let alone anything else. He’d burn down the house if you left him alone in the kitchen with the stove. “On second thought, why don’t I help you with dinner? We can make some chicken alfredo.”

“Awe, you’d rather hang out with me than finish your homework? Ya really do love me. C’mon let’s start.”

The process of making dinner was… interesting. Multiple times, Schlatt almost spilled boiling water on himself and he even managed to burn the pasta while it was in the water. How he even managed to do that you’d never find out, you had your back turned cutting up vegetables and herbs at the time. That was when you subtly started to take over in the kitchen, giving him smaller tasks while you handled everything else. You felt bad for Tubbo, his father can’t cook for shit.

By time you finished, about an hour passed and Philza had come home and changed out of his work clothes. The two adults sat at the table discussing something that you didn’t pay attention to while your brothers and cousin were in the living room waiting for you to finish dinner. Finally, you set the table and it was time to eat.

Because you couldn’t have many fatty foods before any matches or practices, you had made a separate plate for yourself that only had plain pasta, chicken, and broccoli. You were surprised with how well it turned out, you were following an iffy recipe you found on the first link Google brought up.

After dinner, you went upstairs to put your uniform on and pack a little bag full of things you might need: a small blanket, some snacks, a water bottle, and a portable charger. Oh, and fuzzy socks and a pair of crocs. You could never go wrong with fuzzy socks and crocs. Feeling a vibration in your pocket, you pulled out your phone.

Hales : )

(Y/n), I’m omw to your house

Gonna give you a ride to the school

(Y/n)

Hales you don’t have to give me a ride, I can drive

Hales : )

Don’t care

Omw, be there in like 7 mins

You swiped out of yours and her conversation and opened up the family group chat

(Y/n)

I don’t need a ride to the school, Haley’s giving me one

She’s gonna give me a ride home too

Dadza

Alright, thank her for me

Tell her I said good luck too!

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do

Dadza

(Y/n), do everything he wouldn’t do

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck you I’m a good influence

Dadza

You’re really not

Wilby

^^^^

Technology Sword

Uncle Schlatty Patty

Fuck all of you

You heard Haley’s car pull into the driveway and dashed out of your room with your bag. Just as you put your hand on the doorknob, a hand stopped you.

“Coat.”

You grumbled as you reached past Philza to grab your coat. After you slipped it on, you were pulled into a hug. “You’re gonna do great out there. I know you’re gonna win this, we’ll be watching in the stands.”

“Damn right she’s gonna do good, she’s my niece after all.”

Schlatt pulled you away from your father’s hug and tried to ruffle your hair before you swatted away his hand, “don’t. You have no idea how long it took me to get a perfect ponytail. I have an ungodly amount of hairspray and bobby pins in my hair right now.”

“Fine. You’re gonna kick their asses tonight.”

Tommy and Tubbo pushed past Schlatt and both tackled you into a hug making you stumble slightly back.

“Kick their asses good (y/n)!” Tommy cheered, making you crack up before one stern glance from Philza completely stopped you. “Tommy, don’t say that. (Y/n), not funny.”

“Alright, Haley’s waiting for me. I gotta go, love you guys!” As you turned to walk through the door, you could hear your family following you and shouting “good luck”. You felt heat creep up on your cheeks as Haley rolled down her window and wove at your family with the biggest grin on her face.

“Thank you! We’re gonna take home the gold for sure!”

You hopped in her car as she rolled up the window and chuckled. “I love your family, they’re always so full of energy. It’s refreshing to see compared to how boring my family is.”

You glanced at your entire family gathered on the front porch. Tommy and Tubbo were practically vibrating with excitement, Wilbur and Techno calmly smiled and wove at you, Philza was grinning widely at you as you saw his mouth forming words that you couldn’t hear or read, and Schlatt was grinning cheekily at you. You raised your hand to wave at them as they vanished from view when Haley pulled out of your driveway. You smiled softly, “I love em too.”

The car ride was relatively quick with the same soft indie pop music floating from the speakers and an easy going conversation with Haley about the match tonight. You both thought that you could beat the other team if everyone focused 100% and played exactly like you guys did in practices. If everyone did that, you would be unstoppable.

Luckily for you and Haley, you were the first ones in line to board the bus so you two got the back seat with Zara and Jazzy sitting across from you guys. The hour long bus ride passed quickly and lively with you four passing around your phone and playing some mad libs, you were sure that by the end of the last game you four were laughing and crying. Sometime in the middle of the trip, you noticed that Haley would start to lean on your shoulder and continuously glance at you as she laughed. You desperately wanted to believe that it was because she liked you, but she was straight and she was your best friend. She was probably trying to make sure you were having a good time.

When the team had gotten to the opposing school and left the locker room to stretch in the gym, you could hear your family start to scream your and Haley’s names from the front row next to you, Tommy and Tubbo being the loudest amongst them with Philza trying to get them to quiet down so you could focus. You felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled at them and Haley wove enthusiastically back at them. Zara was laughing at you two. Stretching went by in a flash and before you knew it, you were on the court facing the opposing team.

The first match was won by the opposing team by five points. The second match stretched on and on until it was won by your team narrowly by two points. The team was going to have to shape up in the third match if you guys wanted a chance at winning, the opposing team was good. Before the third match started, Coach Williams called for a time out so you guys could talk about strategy. Before Haley could go back onto the court, you pulled her aside.

“Hales, we need to do what we practiced. The other team won’t be expecting it at all, I’ve been setting you up this entire game. They’re never going to expect you setting me up for a spike.”

“When are we going to do it though? We need a better plan.”

“I’m sure the opportunity will come and both of us will recognize it. We just can’t do it too early in the game though, that’ll ruin their surprise.”

“(Y/n), I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“When do I not Hales? We gotta get gold this year.”

The third round went by with both teams constantly swapping places until you both were tied fifteen to fifteen. You saw the ball flying towards Haley, giving her the perfect opportunity to set you up for a spike. “HALEY NOW!”

You watched as her face hardened in determination as she pretended like she was going to spike it by jumping high in the air and stretching her arms back, making the opposing front row players all gather in front of her. Much to their surprise, she launched it towards you as you leaped up and went for the kill. The stinging of the ball hit by your wrist and the smack sound the ball made when it slammed onto the open gym floor was something you’d never forget as the crowd around you went wild over the unexpected play. You could hear the high pitched screaming of Tommy and Tubbo over everybody else. Glancing at them over your shoulder, you saw them jumping up and down on the gym floor and looking at you with awe filled eyes and gaping mouths. The rest of your family looked at you with similar expressions, their cheers echoing in your mind. Winking at them, you turned back to your team and went straight to Haley. Clapping a hand on her shoulder, you pulled her into a quick hug, yelling over the raving of the crowd. “HALEY WE NAILED THAT!”

“HOLY SHIT I DID NOT THINK THAT WAS ACTUALLY GONNA WORK!”

“You have such little faith in your setter! You wound me Hales.”

“Well, I would have more faith in you if you weren’t chaotic on the court, sweetheart.”

You felt yourself surge in happiness at the nickname, but you couldn’t afford to focus too much on it. Your team only needed one more point to win best in the state and go to nationals. It would be the first time in your team’s history if you reached national level, and you’d be damned if you were the one to screw it up for them.

The last rotation went on for a while, each team fighting tooth and nail for the state championship title with clashing determination. You tried your best to block every hit and try to set Haley up for a spike, and you were successful for the most part, only missing a few blocks. You saw the setter adjacent to you set the spiker up for a spike and jumped up in time to try to block it, your arms stretched upwards and your palms out. Only, the ball didn’t hit your hands. It collided painfully with your nose, ricocheted off your face with a thwack and sailed over to the other side of the court. Your head whipped back as your body followed suit and flew backwards onto the floor. Without giving you any time to react, your head bounced back and cracked against the polished hardwood floor of the gym. Everything went black.

“...(y……”

“..(y/n)......”

“(Y/n).”

You faintly heard someone calling someone’s name over the continuous ringing noise. Was it your name? It felt right, so it had to be your name. You peeled your eyes open to see a blurry figure hovering over you. It was swirled with tans, browns, and backs. After a while of the figure repeating your name, it slowly became more recognizable, albeit appearing twice in your vision. It took you a while to figure out who this was before your muddled brain recognized Haley.

“Hales! There’s two o’ya. Twice as beautiful babe…” You slurred out as you attempted to smile at her.

“Oh thank god, PLEASE WE NEED A DOCTOR SHE HIT HER HEAD!” Her usually angelic voice gritted against your brain like sandpaper making you cringe as pain exploded in your head.

“God babe you’re so loud, why’s so bright? I-wha's goin on?” You blearily tried to move your head to look around only to be stopped by a pair of large hands on each side of your head gently holding it in place. You moved your laggy eyes around to look at the figure. He was a blonde man with blue eyes and a hint of stubble on his chin. His eyebrows were knitted together and he looked… he looked… your brain worked to figure out why he looked how he looked. Who was he?

“Please don’t move hun.” His muffled voice was baritone. You squinted at him trying to figure out who this man was.

“Who th f-fuck… why?”

“I’m your dad hun. Do-do you not recognize me?” You made a noise in the back of your throat as your stuffy brain finally put a name to the face.

“Dad- wha’s goin on? I’on feel so good…”

“Shh, I know, I know. Just stop moving and talking. Everything’s fine. I’m here. You’re okay.”

“Mmk… Dad, where are we? I’ont know- you’re so quiet.”

“Stop moving so much. You’re on the floor in a gym. You just won your team the state championship. Now stop talking please.”

Huh. So that’s why everybody seemed to appear from above you. You strained your eyes to look around you, but you could only see your dad’s face hovering above you. “Shit I- who’s aroun’ me? Where’s Hales?”

“I’m right here sweetheart. I got the doctor, Mr. Minecraft.”

Your dad’s face moved away from your vision so fast that it made your head spin and your stomach twist. Another face appeared above you that you once again didn’t recognize.

“I’m Doctor Martin, can you tell me your first and last name?”

“Uh, (y/n) Minecraft?”

“Good, what month are we in right now?”

“Nov-November?”

“Close, it’s late October. Can you tell me who this,” he pointed to your dad, “is?”

“S’my dad Phillip.”

“That’s your dad Philza.”

The questioning stopped as he suddenly shined a blinding light into your sensitive eyes. You hissed as you tried to move your head away from the offending light only to be held in place by your dad’s hands. Your head spun as you moved too quickly and a wave of nausea hit you, making you groan and move your arm to cover your eyes. Your hand was stopped by something warm and soft wrapping around it and holding it tightly. Everything was so overwhelmingly and painfully bright and loud. You wanted to make it stop.

“Mr. Minecraft, your daughter appears to have a concussion. I don’t have the tools on hand to determine the severity of it, but it’s worrying that her pupils are asymmetrical, she’s delirious, and has slight memory loss. I understand you live about an hour away from here, and it’s alright for you to take her to a hospital closer to your house. Make sure you keep her alert.”

Your delirious mind only registered about half of what came out of the doctor’s mouth. You mumbled gibberish as you once again opened your eyes to look around. You were only briefly able to crane your neck to the left. Several figures large and small were standing behind your dad. Your family, your mind supplemented. Slowly, your mind was starting to recognize your surroundings even if there was currently double of everything and everything was blurry.

“I’m going to help you stand up. Do ya think you can do that?”

“Yeah Dad.” You lifted your upper body off from the ground with a gentle hand on your back helping you sit up. Fighting the wave of nausea that slapped you in the face, you reached up to rub at your eyes. A hand once again stopped you. You peeked your eyelids open and lightly glared at whomever stopped you. “Hales you’re lucky you’re so cute I woulda slapped you. I like holdin but you’re bein annoying. Stop.” You attempted to make your voice sound firm, but the words that came out of your mouth were slightly slurred.

She was silent as she helped her dad haul you to your feet. Once on your feet, you saw the room spin and felt yourself start to sway slightly. An arm wrapped itself around your shoulders and pulled you close to them so that your weight was supported. They were a little taller than you were making it easy to lean on them.

“...Can you walk?” A deep, monotone voice rumbled the chest of the person you were leaning against.

“Mhm. ‘M not weak.” Though your limbs felt like they were made of molasses, you placed one foot in front of the other slowly. The person moved alongside you, “you’re doing so good, keep going.” That sparked familiarity in you as you stopped in your tracks and tried to look up at the person you were leaning against making the person tighten their arm around your shoulders when you almost fell over.

“Tech?”

“Yeah, it’s Technoblade. Just focus on walking. You’re almost out of the gym.”

When you realized that you were out of the gym, you sighed in relief. It was so much quieter and darker. Though it was still relatively bright, it was better than the gym.

“S’better.”

“When we get her to the car we can give her some sunglasses or something if it’s still too bright for her.”

“Wilbs-”

“Focus on walking.”

You huffed in irritation, “don’ tell me what to do bitch.”

You felt Techno’s body jolt slightly as he chuckled, making your head throb at the sudden movement. “Just walk.”

When you walked outside, you shivered as you felt the cool air nip at your exposed skin. Right, you were in your volleyball uniform. “I’ll go pull the car around, you guys stay with her.”

You saw a tall brunet start to walk away from you. Uncle Splat? Uncle Schmat? Whatever his name was, you were sure he was your uncle. You tried to snuggle closer to Techno, craving warmth but never being satisfied. Where was your uncle?

After a while, you saw a car moving towards you and blinding light pointed right at you making you cringe away and groan. Techno started to slowly walk towards the car. “C’mon (y/n), you’re almost there. When you’re in the car you can relax.”

“Tommy, Tubbo, and Techno, you’re in the back row. Schlatt can drive and Wil, you’re taking the passenger seat. I’ll stay with her in the middle row so she can have some room to lay down.” Tommy and Tubbo were with you? Why weren’t they talking, they usually were very vocal.

“Tom, Tubbs didja like the game?”

They didn’t say anything as they climbed into the car. Did they not hear you?

“They’re just… tired (y/n).” Your dad’s voice reassured you as he took Techno’s place holding you up.

“I wanna nap. ‘M so tired.”

“You can’t sleep yet. We gotta get you to a doctor first.”

“Mm. Makes sense.”

“Let’s get you in the car hun.”

As he helped you climb into the car, you felt an overwhelming wave of nausea wash over you making you lose your balance and almost faceplant into the cloth seats. You felt yourself being gently, yet urgently taken out of the car and led to grass as you felt your esophagus shorten. Something burning made its way up your throat and spewed into the grass. You felt someone rubbing your back as you puked up your dinner.

When you were done, you reached up with a shaking hand to wipe your mouth. “You feelin better? Think you can get back into the car or do you need to sit down for a bit?”

“Car.”

After some difficulty, you were successfully in the middle row of the car laying down with your head on Philza’s lap. Soon enough, your shoes were taken off and a blanket was draped over you.

“(Y/n), what do you remember?”

You scrunched up your face as you squinted at Philza’s face. “I remember playing volleyball with Hales. She’s so pretty, she’s straight though. I remember the other team hitting the ball, me jumping, then nothin. Wha’ happened?”

You watched as Philza winced, “well, you got everything right so far. You got hit in the face with the ball so you fell and hit your head on the floor. You were passed out for a minute before you woke up. It was a pretty nasty fall, we’re going to the hospital now. How’re ya feelin?”

“Head hurts, ‘m seein two of everything, an I can’t think.”

“Do you know what a concussion is?” You nodded in his lap slightly, “you probably have one.”

After a while of talking, you were slowly starting to come to your senses and your speech was clearing up, but your head was still too stuffy to think about what you were saying before you said it. You didn’t have a filter.

“Do you wanna tell us about your week so far? Do you remember most of it?”

“Mhm, it was shit. On Monday I had a panic attack and Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were being bitches to me all day. They fucked up my back. On Tuesday, they got mad at me for ditching them and they had me do their homework, had another panic attack, and Haley told me that someone took pictures of our boobs ‘n stuff and they were gonna leak it to the school if Haley didn’t stop hanging out with me. Haley and I almost kissed, but she’s straight. Pulled an all nighter and Wednesday I accidentally came out to Tech and Wil and had another panic attack. Annie, Adrian, and Sammy took more pictures of me through my window, Annie outed me to the entire school and slapped me. Another panic attack, skipped the last two classes and felt like shit the entire practice. Today Adrian and Sammy told me to kill myself and I had another panic attack. ’S about it.”

As you were going through your week, the hand that was previously gently stroking your hair had frozen as the car was enveloped in a tense silence. Luckily, Tommy and Tubbo were passed out in the back seat so they didn’t hear how bad your week was. Everyone awake knew that you had a few bad days this week, but they didn’t know the full extent of it. You watched as Philza’s expression had turned downright murderous, but you didn’t really care. You were busy talking about your week.

For the rest of the car ride, Philza asked you simple questions like what your favorite color was, your favorite animal, basically your favorite everything. Eventually, the car pulled into the hospital parking lot and Philza helped you get out of the car. “Schlatt, can you take the boys home so they can get some rest? I’ll stay with her.”

“Yeah, I’m on it. Don’t cause too much trouble (y/n), we all know you can raise hell.” He watched you for a reaction, but when you didn’t react, he coughed. “Well, I’ll see ya later kid. Good luck.”

The car drove off leaving you and Philza at the front of the emergency room building. “It’s gonna be a long night (y/n).”

“I gotta finish Annie’s essay and Sammy’s presentation though.”

“No you don’t, I’ll email your teachers.”

You two checked in with the front desk before moving to sit on the uncomfortable chairs. It was going to be a long night. You were so tired.

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