#he listened at a time when i felt very unheard and made me feel like i mattered and that was important even if it was just about a dumb | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bad-and-drawn-that-way · 2 months

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First of all, very in love with the digital reader fic you put out <3

But since reader expressed not knowing why they were in hell I just couldn't help myself from thinking about this-

Reader: I don't even know why I'm here, the hell did I ever do?

Lucifer: Didn't you crash over half of all the systems on earth when you were alive?

Reader: That was an accident! I was only trying to crash like...ten!

Just a goofy thought that popped into my head- destructive characters that are chaotic on accident my beloved lmao-

Kisses darling <3

-📽

Sweet silly little Lucifer with his ducks. I feel like everyone thinks he's completely aware of everything happening in Hell at all times. Meanwhile, he's just making ducks and missing his daughter and can't remember the last time he ate.

Digital Pet [Vox x Reader, but this is a Lucifer interaction]

What Do You Mean You Don't Know

You'd been surfing through the digital plane like any other day. Vox had his schedule completely full, so you were on your own the pass the time. You hopped between windows that led into various devices all around Hell.

It was hard to tell where you were most of the time, but a part of you was convinced that you could slip into the devices of demons outside the Pride Ring. You'd once seen hellhounds and succubi at a party when you'd peeked into a large screen behind a DJ on stage. The large venue was covered in honeycombs and you saw some sort of lava lamp-looking furry doing shots in the middle of the energized crowd. While the aesthetic was similar enough to what you'd seen in the sinner's little slice of Hell, it felt... different.

It was precious information you decided to hold close to your chest. Maybe you'd tell Vox one day but from everything you'd seen about his power-hungry reputation, you decided it may be best not to play your card too soon. For all you know, it was just an exclusive club with different vibes. It wasn't unheard of for demons from the other rings to come to the clubs in Pride.

You were floating through an endless hall of screens and lights, looking between the different windows into the world you couldn't hope to touch when you saw a face that made you double-take.

"Is that..." You float back and gasp as you get a closer look that confirms your suspicions. "Oh, you motherfucker!"

Lucifer let out a startled yelp, dropping the duck he'd been painting as he fell out of his chair. He'd just been minding his own business, listening to some light jazz while he made duckie replicas of his daughter and all her little friends at the hotel when a loud voice suddenly blasted over the music on his laptop.

He frowned as he looked down and saw his white pants splatted with the fresh red paint of Alastor's duck. He was on his ninth attempt at replicating the cocky jerk and had finally been on the verge of getting his stupid grin right when you startled him.

"Oh great," Lucifer grumbled as he pulled himself off of the ground. "It's already bad enough I have a growing pile of ducks dedicated to this prick, now he's ruining my clothes too."

Lucifer leaned over his desk, trying to see what sort of pop-up advertisement or virus had gotten on his system when he suddenly saw you watching him with crossed arms. Your small form glared at him from where you sat atop of his video player.

"A sinner...?" Lucifer blinked slowly before looking at you in awe. He could see your soul and recognized you as a person immediately. "What on Earth are you doing in there?"

"You tell me!" you point at him angrily. "You're the guy in charge of this shit, aren't you? What did I ever do to you?! I didn't do anything to deserve a worse Hell than everyone else."

"How should I know?" Lucifer squawked as he threw up his arms in defense... "I haven't gone outside in... wait, what day is it?"

"How do you not know?" You ask, the two of you amping each other up in your confusion. "You're Lucifer! This is literally your entire thing!"

"Uh, excuse you," Lucifer tsked as he placed a hand on his chest. "I'll have you know I am a man of ducks and dadness. Not keeping track of every soul that drops into Hell. Do you have any idea just how many of you die a day? A lot. Too many. Just. Please get better at staying alive, I beg you."

You deadpan at him before shaking your head with a sigh. "Well, do you at least know how to get me out of the digital plane? I'd like to actually eat food or let my feet touch the ground o-or sleep in a bed!"

"Uhh," Lucifer laughed nervously. "Yeaaaah, no. Nope. Sorry uh, no. Technology isn't something I really know anything about. I'd love to help but uh, yeah... no."

You groan, obviously disappointed in his answer as you flop over to the side and let your frustration win in the moment. You run a hand down your face and look up at the great devil of Hell with a sigh.

"Do you at least have any idea why I'm in Hell and not Heaven?"

Lucifer hummed, squinting at you as he ran a history check on your soul. It took a lot longer to find a reason than he expected, but then he finally landed on it.

"Ah, there it is," he muttered. "Looks like you ate the last slice of birthday cake in the fridge back in your college days."

Your jaw drops, for a couple of reasons. The top reason should have been that such a little thing damned your soul for eternity. However, your priorities were a bit skewed. Which became transparently obvious as you exclaimed, "Excuse me?! It was MY birthday cake!"

"Yeah, but they called dibs," Lucifer shook his head with a sigh. "Heaven takes dibs very seriously. And as you should know by now, I don't make the rules."

The powerful demon grumbled like a child as you recovered from the absolute bullshit that was your afterlife. It wasn't until you'd sat back up that you looked past Lucifer and finally noticed his room.

"Why the fuck are there so many ducks?"

#hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer x reader #i guess??#vox x reader #digital pet

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doe-eyed-fool · 1 month

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Fallen {Chapter Eighteen}

Alastor x (Fem)Reader

Warning: Mentions of abuse

I never thought I would give up on what I wanted most, and the realization of what I wanted was unobtainable, only made me feel worse. I was still left with so many questions, and a broken spirit. I hate not knowing, and not being able to remember anything doesn't make things any better.

It only leaves with stress, worry, and an immense amount of guilt. Stressed about my new residence in Hell, worry that I may never return to Heaven, and guilt for whatever I had done to land me here. I shouldn't have to feel any of this. I had felt it hundreds of times when I was alive, death, and being sent to heaven was suppose to erase all of that.

But now, it's like nothing has changed. I still feel so broken.

So, why not say yes to the deal Alastor had made me? Why not learn to become stronger, so I can protect myself against whatever is thrown at me? I'm so tired of feeling helpless. I won't do it anymore, I refuse to.

It's too bad my real appearance was a constant reminder of what I can no longer have.

"Isn't there a way you can make this permanent?" I ask Alastor, not taking my eyes off of my mirror. I had grown somewhat use to my false demonic form, honestly, seeing my true form was near jarring now. "Afraid not dear." Said Alastor.

"Though it is strange...If the good lord threw you out, why not have given you a true demon look to go along with your eternal damnation?" He asks. I furrow my brows. He had a good point. Why didn't God give me a demonic form?

Alastor had mentioned how valuable an angel was down here. How demons would do unspeakable things to get their hands on one, for their own sick desires. Was that part of my punishment? To be toyed with by a bunch of demons forever?

"I don't know." Is all I could say. "I just hate to hide like this. It makes me worried that this can all go away, the second the necklace is removed." Alastor shrugs. "It's the only way I can help you stay hidden in plain sight."

"Alright. Thanks anyway." I tell him. "And...thanks for finding another way." Alastor raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" He asks.

"I was so certain that there was nothing left for me. That I was doomed to never return to Heaven. I was left behind. Forgotten about...I didn't see any point of continuing on. I felt like I did when I was alive all over again..." I explain. "But, you managed to find another way for me. A way to make the best out of a pretty terrible situation. So...Thank you."

Alastor seemed slightly taken back by my words. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Yes well, can't have someone like you disappearing. I'm quite curious about how you angels work. If I didn't tolerate you as much as I do, I would have already known how angels taste." He says lowly. I chuckle. "You tolerate me?" I swore I heard a record scratch from somewhere. "Do not get use to it. You can go from that to distaste very quickly."

"Can't really say you have a distaste for me, if you've never tasted me." Alastor's grin twitched. "Now listen here-"

"Sorry." I say with a smile. "Thank you Alastor. I tolerate you too." Surprisingly, Alastor smiled softly. "Alright." I sigh. "Where do I start? Becoming a real demon, that is."

"I don't think it will be as easy as you think." Alastor tells me. "Unless you're ready to spill some blood, get blitzed out of your mind, or commit several felonies right this moment...I think we should take things slow. In the meantime, keep up that act of seeking redemption around Charlie and the others. We don't want any of them getting suspicious at your sudden change of heart."

"Right. I still intend to help Charlie too."

"And why's that?" Asks Alastor. "Because, what she's trying to do is so unheard of and pretty much impossible, and yet, I believe in her. I wish it could have worked for me, but I wish even more than it works for her." I tell him.

Alastor shakes his head. "I'm starting to believe your god is a fool to cast out such an innocent and naive person."

I roll my eyes. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something else."

"And what would that be?" He asks. "It was about when we were sharing how we both died. I feel like I upset you. You left in quite a hurry." I mutter.

Alastor hums. "Apologies my dear, I didn't mean to come off that way. No, you didn't upset me. Rather, your situation had stirred up some rather unpleasant memories."

"Unpleasant memories?" I repeat. "Oh...uh, you were...?"

"Not only I..." Alastor quickly shut his mouth and cleared his throat. "No need to bring up the past! We have an infante future ahead of us to look forwards to!" His lively tone had returned. "Alastor. It's only me. Who am I to judge?" I say softly.

Alastor fell silent. "But, if you really don't want to, you don't have to say anything." I assure him. Alastor's glance fell away from me, a light sigh left him. "I suppose if we're going to be working together, we might as well be honest."

I stayed quiet, letting him start when he felt comfortable .

"I guess you could say, my childhood wasn't the best. Grew up in a part of town, where my mother and I were treated differently because of the way we looked. And my father was no better, him being part of the problem. But that's not all, he'd tend to take his anger out on my mother almost every day. And when she was beaten near unconscious, and unable to utter a scream...He'd go to me. There were many times, I feared he'd actually kill me." My stomach twisted as I hear him speak.

"Yes, it was like that for quite some time. Until I finally did something about it...It wasn't until my early adulthood, that was finally able to put an end to his abuse...Do you remember when I told you about my first kill? How it is still so fresh in my memory, even after all these years later?"

I had a feeling I knew where this was going. "You never do forget your first kill...especially when it's someone in your own family. I made sure to do it when he was alone, I took him far into the woods near the swamps...I made sure he felt every ounce of pain I could give until his very last breath. Then I threw him into the swamp to be feasted upon by the wildlife that resided there."

"I thought I had finally rid myself and my mother of all the pain he had caused us...But my pain would only grow from there. A month later, my mother had passed. She got sick, and unfortunately, our family was not on the wealthy side. Couldn't afford proper treatment...From that day on...I only grew colder, the killings would pick up later on until I was eventually met with the end of the line."

"I see." I mutter. "I'm sorry that happened to you." Alastor said nothing to that. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I promise, no one but me will know about this." That caught his attention, his left ear twitched and he turned to face me. He opened his mouth to speak, closing it for a moment, then opening to speak again. "Yes well...if you value your life, you'll keep your word." I nod my head.

"I will."

#hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin spoilers #abuse #tw abuse #childhood abuse

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songmingisthighs · 9 months

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Genesis

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. ix - chilly

fashion mogul!mingi × reader

buy me coffee ?

things aren't always what it seems but when even the truth is left unheard, what can people do? one musn't lie but what if the lie is more accepted than the truth? the scariest thing in this world isn't monsters or demons. it's people with no agenda and time to waste.

You had always felt somewhat calm in hospitals. You don't know if it was the smell, the minimalistic design or the fact that the drugs are just RIGHT THERE. It wasn't really disneyland for you, but it wasn't anxiety inducing.

"(y/n), do you need to pee?"

That does though.

"No, Yunho, I'm fine," you sighed but offered a small smile at your friend. Usually, he'd make sure whatever you need is met but this time he simply nodded and looked back to his phone. This made you huff and close your eyes in annoyance, "Yunho, you can't be mad at me for doing what I think is right," you finally said. Yunho didn't bother to look at you when he shrugged, "I'm not mad at you for doing what you think is right for you, I'm mad at your ex who fucked with your mind so bad that he managed to change who you are as a person," he muttered loud enough for you and your other two friends to hear.

Thankfully, before you and Yunho got into a bitching match, Jongho swooped in and tugged your arm, "Hey! I think it's your turn now!" He stood up, taking you with him, leaving Yeosang to scold Yunho to not provoke you in such a sensitive day.

To say that the doctor was surprised when you came in with three men was an understatement. "I... See you and the father has brought some friends," the doctor said, smiling unsurely as she looked between you and the boys. "None of them is the father, they're just moral support. The father is not in the picture," you stated, shifting your eyes away from her. Sensing that you weren't really feeling great, the doctor thankfully nodded in understanding, "I see. Well, no matter the availability of the dad, South Korea has a great program to aid expecting mothers as they are improving the birth rate. We can help you register for the maternity aid right after this and you can just focus on yourself as expectant mothers should." Hearing her use the word "mother" multiple times made your heart clench. You wanted to correct her, you wanted to tell her how you're NOT going to be a mother. You don't even know what you want. Heck, you don't even know why you're there in the first place. It was such a shocking news that you haven't really processed what was going on. You didn't know what to do whatsoever. You couldn't even come up with the idea to check up on the baby that was growing inside you to confirm the pregnancy. Truth to be told, Yunho had to basically force you to do an ultrasound because last time you got yourself checked, you found out you were pregnant and you just bolted.

Despite his disagreement with you, Yunho stepped up to talk to the doctor in consideration of your reluctance all the while Yeosang sidle up next to you with your hand in his as an attempt to calm you down. Jongho too made himself useful by giving your information to the doctor. You were the one being completely useless by just sitting there, accepting whatever it was the doctor recommended for you. You couldn't even get yourself to focus enough to even listen to the conversation. Your head was too riddled with the conflicting thoughts of what you want and what you think you want. Since Yunho mentioned it, you couldn't shake off the very based fact that you really do want to be a mom and what has been hindering you is the fact that there is no man who's romantically involved in your life like how you planned. Should such an important decision be made when you're in such a negative state that you can't even decide between wearing skirt or pants?

For days, you have been trying to find other rational reasons to not keep the baby. Financially you were stable and you even have savings for the future, your company provides you with great benefits, your living situation is above average, and technically speaking you have all the mental and physical support you will ever need. There were absolutely no reason for you to not keep the baby. Even mentally you were ready. -ish. As best you could considering no one is ever mentally ready to welcome another human being they created who made their entrance by screaming. All reasoning, all doubts you ever had only pointed to the absence of a man, THE man, who you wanted to share the experience of being parents with. It was starting to become ridiculous for you to be so hung up on a broken plan.

Somehow you managed to move yourself to the the chair with your shirt hiked up to just above your stomach. Your three friends huddled up to your side in curiosity and desire to show support. "Now, I'm going to put some gel on you and it might feel cold at first but once I move the wand around, it's not going to be as cold, okay?" The doctor said. Even with the warning, you couldn't help but tense up once the liquid hit your skin, the sensation made you clutch onto the fabric of your pants. But sure as she said, once she moved the wand around, the coldness dissipates and all you could feel was the slight pressure of the wand.

The doctor narrated what she was doing but you couldn't seem to concentrate on her words. While your friends had their eyes glued to the monitor, your were trained on the ceiling above. Noticing this, the doctor paused her movements and pulled the wand away from you, "Is something wrong, miss?" She asked. Though you wanted to tell her something, anything, you couldn't find your voice. It was stuck on your throat like a piece of gum to the sole of someone's shoes. You knew then and there that you were panicking because the reality was dawning on you and you had no way of getting out of realizing it.

All of a sudden, a hand grabbed yours and like an anchor, it pulled you back to your senses. Your eyes met with Yunho's stern ones and in the steadiest voice you had ever heard from him, he said something that managed to calm the storm in your mind.

"It's going to be okay."

You knew he wasn't just talking about that moment, he was talking about your pregnancy in general. It was such a simple sentence but it the surety in his voice immediately reminded you of how much the four of you have been taking care of each other. As much as they joked about you being the only one keeping them alive, the only one who had the good sense when it comes to taking care of other human beings, you had to admit that they themselves have been taking care of you since day one. They offered their shoulder to cry on when you got your first scolding on the job, they shared your happiness when you told them you finally found the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and they helped pick up your broken pieces when you left. You had been so caught up with one man that you selfishly forgot you had three. Sure, they were not the person you had hoped for, but they were your constant in a series of uncertainty and disappointments.

"I'm scared," you choked out, tears brimming in your eyes. "Of course you are," Yunho nodded, finally cracking a smile at you, "You're gonna be the biggest pain in the ass for the next nine months, I'm gonna have to fugure out how to bulk order aspirin," he joked which made you whine and slap his hand. "But," he continued, "At the end of that nine months, we're going to welcome the newest addition to our little group and it will be a good thing, you hear me? Sure, it's gonna be spittle and tear-filled, and that's only from Yeosang's side," Yeosang scoffed and punched his friend on the side of his arm which made you chuckle a bit, "But it's gonna be so worth it and we're gonna be there with you for every step of the way, okay? You're going to look back at this day and regret not worrying more about your baby taking after us too damn much." It amazed you how easy Yunho made the situation seem in the best way. While it didn't immediately made you feel 100% better, you realized that it pushed the negativity away and replaced it with something you can't quite describe.

The doctor took the reduced tension as a cue to continue ger exploration. It didn't take long for her to halt her movements and announced to the whole room, "And look, someone here wants to say hello." All three of your friends tore their eyes off of you first and you had the pleasure of seeing the bewonderment in their eyes; their pupils dilated and their jaws slacked, it was as if they were seeing something so magnificent and you had to admit you had never seen them with that look. Curious, you too looked at the screen, slowly tearing your gaze away from your friends to where each of them were looking at.

From the moment you laid eyes on it, you could immediately tell what you were looking at. There, in the vast nothingness, a tiny blob appeared as a proof of life. You couldn't help but look between the screen and where the wand reside on your stomach, not being able to hold yourself back from reaching to the spot with your vacant hand and pressing on the spot gently. Noticing this, the doctor smiled and nodded, "Yes, that's where your baby is, miss."

Ever since he left you, ever since he told you what he thought of you, you gave up on the notion of a family. You were so in love with him, it was him or no one and you had intended to keep your promise because you know he'd at least respect that. But that little bean-shaped dweller, a creation that has yet to have its own sentience and had to depend on you to live, that little bean caught your heart the moment you laid eyes on it. With shaky hand and trembling breath, you touched the screen and for the first time in three days, you smiled at your baby as you let your tear drop. "Hi baby, it's mama. I'm gonna take such good care of you and even though it's gonna be just the two of us, you're gonna have the best life I could ever give you, okay?" "This is uncle Yeosang, and your mom's lying because me and uncle Yunho and uncle Jongho are gonna be here too for whatever your mom refuse to let you do. Fair warning, I will not have the power to say no to you so please don't abuse my weakness." While his words were sweet, Yunho and Jongho couldn't help but shove him down to a chair and scold him for ruining your moment. Though it made you laugh so they couldn't really get mad at him. But he was right, neither you nor the baby will be alone and that's what matters. You've made up your mind and just like you at your job, you're going to give it your all into being a mom with the help of the little family you created.

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @kflixnet

taglist :

@ateezourstars @phenomenalgirl9 @90s-belladonna @yunhorights @cqndiedcherries @stopeatread @aestheticsluut @spooo00oky @kodzukein @galaxypox @mayonnaisehoeshit @maddiebabyxoxo @dreamlesswonder86 @charreddonuts @jwnghyuns @angelicyeo @axo-l0tl @gxlden-bxbyy @bbymatz @blaaiissee @kyume02 @aurora-tiny @senpai-of-doom @meowmeowminnie @thesolarplanetarysystem @seonghwaddict @camillelafaye

@randomness7198

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binarybitex · 9 days

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the world is so beautiful when you focus on the little things that tie us together.

today I was at target and one of my favorite songs came on. as I quietly sang the chorus, I passed by a child with their parent. i hear in their sweet, unbothered voice the same lyrics that I sung to myself. I couldn't help but smile knowing that this child, at least 15 years younger than me, also loves the 80s hit Uptown Girl. it was only a split moment where we miraculously crossed paths, where our two voices harmonized at opposite ends of an aisle.

at work, I get to curate products to patients' needs. im going through my usual motions and script that I've recited over a couple thousands times: I ask, "last call, is there anything else you'd like to add today while you're here?" and the patient looks at me with an excited, but apprehensive smile. she asks about a new product we carry that she was on the fence about. I sell it to her - not because of a better ATP or weekly sales goal - but because I genuinely love the product too. I could tell she felt the excitement when I talked to her about my positive experience.

I had to take an Uber recently, much to my innate anxiety and social fears baked into my being. I was scared, and I did what they tell you to do like plucking out eyebrow hairs and leaving finger prints on the glass. I made small talk, because ive gotten good at that sort of thing, and he ends up telling me that he actually started Uber driving in the evenings because his therapist recommended it to him. he was kind, genuine, and shared to me something very personal about how he became a recluse after his wife passed away. I listened, and I asked followup questions, because I know what it's like to self isolate and feel unheard.

people I may or may not ever cross paths with again, but I can't help feel grateful to be a part of their lives even if for a moment. to help bring them joy, or to listen, or to simply exist in the same space.

#max speaks #i just think people are so beautiful sometimes. its really the little things ya know?#ok i go bed time now #good night!

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xxwhiskeyxx · 1 year

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Swiss’ Imp Makes a Friend!

Little Man belongs to @thelampisaflashlight

This little guy has recieved so much love I think I might’ve broke him? He’s currently curled up under my desk, purring. I absolutely adore Swiss’ Imp, he’s actually surprisingly cuddly once you get him out from under objects, he lives for chin scritches and if you get behind the horns, little man MELTS into a puddle of legs and tail. But if you pat the base of the tail…it’s not unlike with a cat, but…its more violent? I have a cool new scar and Little Dude still seemed to like it I think, but I would not suggest it? His coos and meeps are addicting, I will possibly need to steal him again, but he is missing his buddies. He definitely deserved and loved all the cuddles he got from my cats, he seemed to be used as a personal bed by them and they made a small pile on the bed. I have a cat that is pretty skittish and I guess they vibe checked each other, they are now buds.

Also I know you mentioned described this version of imps as like familiars that the ghouls can kinda see through if they so feel so inclined, so I think they can kinda feel the imps emotions in the back of their head if they focus hard enough cause their connected so that’s how this came about, thank you again for letting me hang out with Little Man!

Swiss finds his imp in a sibling of sins lap and is in shock cause little man had anxiety and doesn’t even come out normally so mans is like “gimme yo secrets” and the sibling is like “no, but you sit down & maybe I will”

Swiss had just finished up the last of his chores for the day, when he suddenly noticed the usual small anxious twinge he always felt from his imp was gone, instead replaced by a feeling of immense relaxation and…affection? This is very strange to Swiss as usually his imp always has at least a bit of anxiety, so to try and figure out what is going on, he closes his eyes and focuses into his connection to the little creature. It takes a moment but he finally gets through, at first he doesn’t see anything but then a small bed comes into view, and a dresser that is standard of a Sibling dorm, ‘Huh, when did Little Dude leave the ghoul den?’, when he suddenly makes out a strange rumbling noise and watches Little Dude seem to lean into something, Swiss quickly realizes his imp is purring?! While, he assumes at least, is being pet by someone? This is very unheard of, because while Swiss doesn’t really know how to act around his imp and tends to shoo the little guy off whenever he comes around, even if he’s trying to comfort Swiss (A time where he will sometimes just accept holding the little dude for a while if he’s alone before sending him on his way again), Little Dude tends to stay away from others, usually found under a couch or a bed (usually wherever Mini Aeth last put the other imps is the best place to look).

So Swiss decides to see who managed to get the little guy to approach them, taking off towards the direction of the Sibling quarters, his only clue to where the little dude is, was he heard someone talking softly that sounded slightly familiar. Thankfully at this time of day, the Sibling dorms are almost deserted due to most Siblings have either chores or preferring to not spend their days in the small space they sleep vs places like the Gardens or Library, so there wouldn’t be many rooms he’d have to check. Wondering till he managed to reach the Sibling wing, he started meandering up and down the halls of many doors, ears pricked up, listening for someone talking. Afters a few deadends and useless treks around a few halls, he came to a stop in front of a door, inside it sounded as if someone was talking to what could only be a pet, he slowly opened the door and his jaw dropped when he caught sight of the scene happening inside the dorm room.

Inside was a Sibling sitting in a plush armchair, giggling at his imp whose laying belly up and purring while the person is scratching his up his belly to the chin and down again, cooing about how adorable he is and how he’s such a sweet boy, “I wonder who your ghoulie is, how can someone lose you? Such a sweet thing! Your so dusty, you must’ve been under there for awhile little guy!” They giggle, half-joking, half serious wiping dust off the imps sides and belly as they rub. The imp trills before he flips over and bumping his head against their hand , they immediately begin scratching behind his little horns and ears as the purring gets louder and he starts kind of kneading? When they finally notice Swiss standing mouth agape in their doorway, “Ah, so your this little guys buddy, I was wondering who he belonged too. I was gonna bring him down in a little bit to return him but he’s so cute, I couldn’t help but give him some scritches. The way he’s acting, it’s like he never gets them.” They laugh as the imp chitters, seeming to finally notice Swiss, looking up at him with wide eyes, “How did…how did you do that? He doesn’t..usually let anyone really..hold him, tell me your secrets!”

The Sibling chuckles, crossing their legs slightly and stroking down the imp as if a movie villain, “No.” they smirk before gesturing to the bed near them, “But if you sit and chat for awhile, I just might.” They say with a wink while giggling, Swiss returns the laugh before sitting in the designated spot. They begin to talk, this is when Swiss realizes why they were slightly familiar; they were good friends with Rain and Mountain, he’d see them in the greenhouse with Mount or Library with Rain, sometimes even coming down to the ghoul den to spend time with the Water and/or Earth ghoul, he’d talked to them in passing and saying hello, but this was the first time he’d had a full conversation with them. After about a good hour of conversation, they mentioned how they found him curled up under their bed while cleaning and was seemingly watching in both fear and curiosity, they eventually coaxed him out with promise of a a treat and the offer of scratches. Apparently as soon as they offered scratches, the little guy slowly skulked towards them, peeking out from under the sheets. The Sibling described how they sat still and patient on the floor with a single hand out in the imp’s direction and allowed him to come to them. Swiss is sitting in awe as they describe how Little Dude slowly approached and leaned into their hand (also learning that he also apparently liked Teddy Grahms?), and then Swiss found them not to much later. Little Dude has stayed curled up in the Siblings lap napping as they continued to pet him, soft coos and merbles came from the lizard sock puppet came to life.

When the Sibling finally pointed out it was time for dinner, Swiss internally groaned as he found the person interesting but also relieved as his stomach was growling. Slowly standing, gathering the imp into their arms and letting it’s arms dangle past their arm with his tail gently swaying contently, the purring has not stopped since Swiss arrived, they begin to make their way towards the dining hall with a happy purring imp. When they separated for Swiss to go downstairs to join the other ghouls, they passed the still dozing imp to him, a meep of protest came from Little Dude but he seemed to accept the warmth of his ghoul, “I hope I get to see him again, maybe be nicer to him and you’ll learn some things, nice to meet you Swiss.” With that they give Little Dude one last scritch under his chin, earning a happy trill, and turned to join their other Siblings in the dining hall. This is when Swiss realized, “Fuck I didn’t get their name!”, startling the purring imp and causing him to let out a scared skreek, fighting with each other until Swiss finally dropped him, the imp gives him a unimpressed look but surprisingly stays near, headbutting his leg with a chitter and tail flick.

#imps are just weird cats #swiss ghoul #whiskey's burbling barrel #GoFundMe for Little Man to get more scritches

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your-localidiot · 1 year

Text

Unheard Longing

Narrator never thought he'd feel lonely again..

...but he was clearly wrong.

He's waited in the same room for years, waiting for Stanley to move anywhere away from the skip button. Narrator stared and stared, feeling his already dimming glow of hope slowly diminish to imaginary atoms. He didn't like how quiet everything was; how he was feeling about the silence.

And he has yet to mention these.. these complex emotions of emptiness. It was like he lost something vital to himself.

..Stanley's not that important, is he?

Sure, Narrator did make The Stanley Parable, but..

...

..Moving on...

He supposed that searching around for the door would be pointless; it was clear that every nook and cranny of this measly little concrete box was devoid of any possible exits. Sure, some dust was beginning to fall from the ceiling, but he was sure that it was just getting mildly windy outside.

Jumping back to the present time, Narrator looked around the room for what he was sure was going to be the millionth time in a row, turning and darting whatever kind of eyes he had in a desperate yet feeble attempt in searching for a way out. He loudly sighed, hoping that the rude intrusion would spark something from the man afront.

...

...Nothing.

Stanley didn't move an inch.

Narrator let himself feel hopeless. He's lost count for how long it's been, at this point; a hundred? Two hundred? Perhaps more? At this point, he couldn't care less.

At first, he was tired.

Then he grew upset.

Angry, even, as the memories of what happened beforehand came flooding in, unwarranted. Narrator began to seeth, mumbling to himself in a scoffing manner.

"You know, Stanley, I still very much remember all of those nasty reviews," Narrator pointedly began, "Me, preachy, unfunny? Why, it was them who dared to twist what I meant! You understand what I am saying, don't you, Stanley?

The Stanley Parable was a work of art; nothing but serious dedication was etched and written into it! How dare they, Stanley — how dare they, indeed! You better be hearing this — my preachy and unfunny and obnoxious little voice — just thinking about it makes me want to... want to..."

Narrator, by this point, trailed off to silence. The more he thought about it, the less it made sense to blame them. He was the one who responded to those reviews, wasn't he? He saw them and — instead of checking if those were worthy taking into account — he just decided that they were already meant to be taken seriously.

He should have known from the start, he should have ignored them for their needlessness; for their sheer pettiness.

But they were being reasonable–

That gives no excuse for what happened.

It was for the good of the legacy–

What legacy is there to keep if Stanley himself is frozen solid!?

That single thought brought him back to reality.

He blinked and looked back at the dimly lit room. He felt himself let out a shaky sigh, knowing for a fact that Stanley hadn't moved an inch during Narrator's whole time stuck in his thoughts.

"..I did this, didn't I?

I'm the whole reason everything came to be like this, Stanley– I made the button! The stupid button that you just can't help but keep pressing every single time. Please – I'm begging you, please – come back, Stanley– Return to me, Stanley! You can hear me, can't you? I'm helpless without you– the story is helpless without you– you're the reason I'm like this!.."

Alas, all he heard in reply was his own voice, echoing around the confining walls.

Everything fell silent. All Narrator felt like he had the energy to do was just watch; wait for something, anything to happen.

When nothing did.. he hated it.

"And of course I just had to start talking to you! You, Stanley, YOU! You and your brainless antics, ignoring each and every time I tried to tell you to just listen to me, you pressed the damn button!

Don't get me started on those reviews! I'm betrayed, Stanley, betrayed by you– betrayed by everybody in this god-forsaken world! Why, I ought to speak up about this, Stanley– the injustice, the pettiness, the shamelessness to ever dare to suggest such falsetries–!

Look at me, making up words on the fly– What have I become, Stanley, what have I become..?"

Silence.

Narrator took in a deep, berated breath.

"...I'm.. I'm pathetic, aren't I? Is my voice truly too preachy, Stanley? Talk to me, Stanley– say something, move, anything, please..?"

Nothing.

..Anger.

"This– This is all the reviews' fault. Maybe if they didn't– maybe if they decided to just keep it to themselves–"

He seethed, cried, lashed out.

"Maybe then you'd still be with me instead of leaving me to my annoying and obnoxious and unfunny humor and commentary– ..Yes, it's all their fault; they demanded, they screamed, they yelled at the top of their lungs!

They wanted more, they wanted less, they wanted. They wailed their thoughts and buried the shame they should have been feeling!

The game was never even meant to have humor to begin with! 'But why!?' They screamed, and I screamed back, loathing and full of hatred; 'Because I know what I was doing!', but they didn't understand that the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point!"

And he rambled.

On and on.

He thought and yelled, he cried and swore, he looked away from the room.

He talked and talked until he heard the faint sound of a click,

...and silence resumed once more.

#the stanley parable #tsp stanley #tsp narrator #btw yes i am Ann_onnymous on Ao3 #i'll go on the oneshot to let y'all know #no i did not steal this how the fuck can i steal smthn that i made

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whentranslatorscry · 5 months

Text

Kakushidate Yakusuke Being Hospitalized (2/3)

Different from Satoi-sensei, who already enjoyed an unshakable position and was in a league of her own, this man was a new talent the editorial department had high hopes for and attached great importance to—or something.

"Yeah, yeah, more or less. Only, he's not exactly a newcomer. He's actually older than Satoi-sensei and has been around longer."

"Really?"

The manga world gives the impression of young geniuses popping up constantly, but on the other hand there's also a tendency for some to take surprisingly long to make their mark. While it's true that anyone can become hugely popular regardless of age or status, reality isn't so rosy.

Sure it's better than being unemployed, but it was a harsh world I didn't think I could handle— though not exactly as Kondou-san put it, maybe only those like Satoi-sensei who take hardship as nourishment are bound to succeed.

"Fumoto-sensei's 'Verywell,' it started serializing in our magazine recently and… How to put it, it's something I feel has potential. His time is finally coming. As editor-in-chief, I am filled with excitement from the bottom of my heart."

Wow, Kondou-san's job must be so fulfilling—he sounds so enthusiastic that I temporarily put my own affairs at the back of my mind to feel sincere happiness for him. But not having read the manga, I couldn't really comment.

Plus, from how he talks, he and Fumoto-sensei seemed to be sailing much as smoothly as Satoi-sensei, having no room for an unskilled person like me whose only talent is sidestepping trouble.

Just as I was puzzling about what this issue could possibly be,

"Just that, there's been a problem these past few days, and it's very serious."

He finally got to the point.

I leaned forward, wanting to listen closely.

Just what was this "trouble not entirely unrelated to me."

"I mean, nothing unprecedented...Fumoto-sensei's issue isn't the bizarre, unheard-of, extraordinary kind that's befallen you almost daily. It's a problem that manga artists or novelists, or any 'creator' of some sort, could potentially face at any time. It's neither especially novel or especially classic."

"...Kondou-san, you're talking in circles and making this more complicated than it needs to be. Don't worry, no matter what kind of request it is, if there's a real necessity for it, Kyouko-san will accept, you can rest assured. She's not the sort of detective who only takes on 'charming mysteries' or 'baffling cases.' Besides, as the forgetful detective, you know she keeps all secrets."

As far as the forgetful detective goes, unless it was a "case that could be solved within a day," she wouldn't take it on either. After all, just recently she had made a right mess of things by not strictly adhering to this rule.

Though I felt bad for Kondou-san, if I already could discern that the case was an unnecessary hardship at my end, I'd recommend another detective more suited for it than Kyouko-san— I too felt partially responsible for that previous incident.

"No, that's not what I meant... You're right though, no point in beating around the bush and raising your unwarranted expectations, that would counter my intentions. Being an editor, some things are just hard to express."

This hesitant manner was so unlike Kondou-san— not raising my expectations, but with his solemn preamble I couldn't help imagining what kind of huge deal it could be.

However, just when I thought he had finally made up his mind to get down to business and start giving specifics, he jumped back to the previous topic.

"The fallen middle schooler...she was trying to commit suicide, wasn't she?"

Though for some reason certain news reports (almost all of them) had morphed it into me trying to murder her, at the very least the fact she jumped off the building on her own was undisputed.

I, having personally experienced countless events straight out of a mystery novel, would be inclined to suspect that this entire affair was actually a homicide staged to look like a suicide. I've experienced such cases firsthand. This is not purely hypothetical. But there was a handwritten will left behind here, suggesting it was a suicide.

A note typed on a computer or sent via text message could potentially be forged, one handwritten, however, is irrefutable.

"Yeah, the problem lies with what she wrote."

"What problem exactly?"

As someone suspected of murder, the existence of the will was like a lifeline in my eyes. For now it's just baseless speculation by the media, but without that will I could have really been charged with attempted murder— come to think of it, a suicide does not necessarily need to leave a will, so I probably should be grateful to her for leaving one.

"Absolutely. As your friend, I feel I should be just as grateful to her as you are... But I simply cannot."

Kondou-san's tone carried a hint of anger. This anger probably wasn't directed at me, but I still shrank back instinctively.

"H-how so?"

"That will has become the root of my… and also Fumoto-sensei's troubles. No, it has taken root, sprouted, and the vines growing from it are suffocating Fumoto-sensei so he can hardly breathe."

"......?"

"It's about what's written— she declared herself a fan of his."

Being as dense as I am, I was still left in the fog at this point. But the following words made it clear just how grave and heavy were the troubles they carried.

"She wrote in black and white that she was personally moved by Fumoto-sensei's piece to take her life, even considerately drew illustrations of his characters."

Unable to bear the relentless portrayal of "Secondhand bookstore employee (25)" as a suspect of critical concern, I'd not paid due attention to recent news and print media—thus, my understanding of the precise details pertaining to the middle school girl, and the specific content of her will, was rather limited.

All I know is that she left a will, and tried to end her life by jumping from a building— which, frankly speaking, was more unbearable for me to contemplate than my own reality of being suspected. The backdrop that led a twelve-year-old to commit suicide is something I found too distressing to face, neither did I wish to know what drove her to that.

It was far too sensitive a topic.

Even if it was the very reason for my hospitalization and job loss— the thought of her still hovering on the verge of death made it all the worse. I didn’t expect that the suicide note would be so baffling— or maybe baffling isn't quite the right word.

After all, it has to do with someone's life—not only.

It has to do with someone's profession as a manga artist.

I never imagined that during my unconsciousness, things would turn out like this for Kondou-san…

“Is this the 'largely related to me' thing?”

“Well…had you not been in the exact spot where she fell, it would've blown up.”

He said.

Perhaps to calm his nerves, he began now to peel an apple. I then noticed that I'd actually been holding the apple that he had peeled for me the whole time without taking a bite, and immediately took a bite.

“You mean?”

I asked him munching on juicy fruit.

Kondou-san sighed and said,

'What I mean is, if it wasn't for 'Secondhand bookstore employee (25)' becoming a media darling, the one under fire now would probably be Fumoto."

Hold on. Shouldn't I be the one sighing at this? It seemed I'd somehow helped Kondou-san without realizing it, just through a layer of separation— which did please me of course, but becoming a media darling (or 'media target' rather) because of it was hardly something to celebrate.

"I am not happy that you became the punching bag. But it is fact that I was saved because of it. I spoke up for you when you were wrongly accused before, and now not only can we call it even, there is even some left over, the surplus may even rival the national budget! And maybe in order to maintain the narrative that you are the culprit, the will has barely been reported on."

That's how it was.

Looking at it with tinted glasses, we could also say that in order to frame me, the media concealed the existence of the will— of course, considerations were also made because the "victim" was an underage girl who still showed signs of life. But if I hadn't been standing at the spot where she fell that day, she probably would have gone to meet the King of Hell according to plan, and the contents of the will would likely have been made public, with the barrel pointed at the "culprit" who drove her to suicide.

Indeed—at Fumoto Shun.

"Uh, the piece that moved her, isn't it that manga, the one currently being serialized, 'Verywell', was it?"

"No, not that one. It's Fumoto-sensei's early work. It's a short story he drew when he was just starting out… A one-shot called Cicerone."

Kondou-san explained.

I didn't even know the name of his currently serializing work until just now, so of course I'd never heard of this one-shot or had any idea what it was about. And I didn't understand the meaning of that loanword(?) Cicerone either.

"Well, that's one only people in the know would know about. If she read that, she must really be a true fan of his. Having such a huge fan should have been a happy thing."

"And what kind of manga is it?"

I wasn't sure if I should ask, but if I didn't, the conversation would grind to a halt, so I picked up the courage to ask.

"Hard to describe in one sentence…but for sure, there is suicide in the piece. From a certain point of view, if you ask whether it glorifies suicide, yes, it does. Since he had just debuted at the time and it was drawn when he was very young, should we call it radical...? It's undeniable that some parts are sharp and thorny."

Kondou-san seemed rather reluctant to elaborate—hmm.

I hadn't seen the content, so I won't comment much, but from what I had gathered, some people were sure to blame that manga for the schoolgirl's suicide, believing she imitated what she saw.

Especially since she wasn't just any fan— she spelled it out in her will. If it weren't for the media making me out to be a suspect and giving it widespread coverage, the prevailing narrative in the media would definitely have been full of tired arguments about "the harmful influence of manga on children" or that "creative freedom shouldn't be unlimited".

The mere thought of it sent shivers down my spine.

I used to half-jokingly, half-seriously curse heaven for treating me this way. But this was the first time I thanked my innate misfortune without the slightest hint of self-mockery. Even if there's no need to be so dramatic, just thinking about what would have happened if the one passing by when she jumped wasn't me with my inborn misfortune, but someone smaller, and the suicide girl and them were killed together...

No doubt Fumoto-sensei's manga would have become the target of public backlash for taking two lives.

Needless to say that as a mystery novel reader,I stand on the side of defending creative freedom. But on the other hand, it's not that I want to restrict press freedom either, yet I also don't want authors to have to turn their imaginations into reality under so many constraints— this is my personal opinion.

Rather, not so much an opinion as just some random thought— expressing my feelings without much due consideration. Just my reflexive, unexamined thoughts— in fact, if I were to come across works full of blatant discrimination, I'm sure it would make me uncomfortable. I would certainly 'feel' that children shouldn't be exposed to such things.

There's no solution to this dilemma.

All you end up with is mixed reviews.

If you ask whether creative works can influence their audience's lives or sensibilities, the answer is of course yes— if there are readers who became professional baseball or football players because of reading comics, then how can we definitively say there are none who became juvenile delinquents or criminals? Not just children, even adults can be influenced by fiction, become better or worse people because of them— this is undeniable. Rather, one might say people seek out creative works precisely with the desire to change their own lives.

Be it comics, novels, movies, or nonfiction reality, it is basically impossible to come into contact with certain things and remain unaffected whatsoever. At the extreme, some readers or viewers might see the relentless media attacking me and think, "That suspicious guy deserves all the criticism he gets."—who knows.

No media under the sun does not influence its consumers.

Nevertheless, to play the relativist and go, "all judgments are intrinsically subjective" is equally meaningless. Hence, when both sides can only muster impressions that don't amount to opinions, the debate is basically over— that's what I think.

People are naturally influenced by what's around them, but if your own feelings were to be overturned by this reasoning— that would be untenable for anyone. Of course, to be defeated in an argument is not to lose. It's not a question of victory or defeat, and it's not a question of value perspective.

"There's a good chance it could have caused a tremendous scandal, but Kondou-san, we seem to have averted the worst case scenario, haven't we? A close shave, I suppose... or should we say it ended as an incident not worth calling an accident... Anyway, no longer a problem, is it?"

The endless argument has ended. And so has the problem, it's solved.

While it's hard to say the deep root of it was resolved completely, still, by me becoming the scapegoat, the worst seems to have been avoided. It may not be a perfectly tidy resolution, but hasn't the matter been settled?

"No, it's not that simple. Certainly thanks to you— although it's weird to say— since it didn't become public, the problem didn't surface. However, even if it didn't become public, the man in question still found out."

"The man in question?"

"Fumoto-sensei."

He was greatly devastated, Kondou-san told me.

Someone passed this news on to him. Who told him anyway? Well, I can't get too angry about it now, but I can't help feeling for Kondou-san's feelings.

"For his own work to nearly take a child's life— it made him so upset he's considering putting down his pen— or rather, it's making his creative work painful."

What a forced pun.

But I understand the feeling, even if I can't fully understand as I've never heard of a manga directly leading to something like this. Though it's a sad universal truth that young people have been driven to suicide after being inspired by novels, plays and other creative works since historical times. That brings no comfort here of course.

If the manga artist he has such high hopes for is being driven into such dire straits, it's not unthinkable that Kondou-san would be anxious. As the magazine's editor and as a human, it's hard not to share in that distress.

That's the kind of man he is.

But if there is any advice I could give as a third party regarding this matter, ultimately, it's a hardship that Fumoto-sensei will have to overcome by himself I think. Or if he's reached the point where he doesn't even want to draw manga anymore, then that decision should be respected.

"I understand that too of course. We are trying to persuade him in consultation with his direct editor, but in the end it will come down to his own judgment."

"Seems fair. Yeah, it's not my place to interfere...I'm being too nosy. Terribly rude of me. But why tell me about this?'"

After hearing the whole story, I felt this was entirely a trade secret— even though it was closely related to what happened to me, was it really okay for him to tell me the contents of a will involving Fumoto-sensei's dismissal? And wasn't he originally asking me to introduce Kyouko-san to him... From listening to it all, I still felt this wasn't a case suitable to entrust to the forgetful detective.

No, not just the forgetful detective, no detective at all— because there's neither a mystery that needs solving, nor a criminal that needs catching.

"You're absolutely right, Yakusuke— only if the story I just told is true."

"Only if it's true?"

—Wasn't it true?

I was listening the whole time thinking it was.

All this while I have been burdened with countless unfounded accusations labeled "facts." Just like how now the media was portraying me as a critical suspect and making a big fuss. Even if you told me that everything just now was "fabricated," I could not easily deny it either.

Nothing can be certain— a certain perfectionist detective once said this.

"Hmm...I may have misled you. The reality is what it is. I didn't see the original suicide note but the police showed me a copy and revealed some insider details that haven't been told to you yet— Simply put, Fumoto-sensei's current circumstances are not entirely separate from yours."

"Is that so..."

"But you know, something just doesn't feel quite right about it."

Kondou-san said.

Despite his use of "feel quite" in an offhand way, his tone was one of firm conviction.

Something was off.

What could it be that was off?

"On the flip side, you could say it feels too contrived— I can't quite put it in words, but there's something forced about it."

"Forced..."

Was there some... conspiracy or something?

A plot to undermine a promising young manga creator expected to carry the future of the magazine, making a middle school girl leave behind a suicide note like that and killing herself— that's what he was getting at?

That's too forced.

A storyline like that would be not only forced but delusional paranoia that even I wouldn't entertain.

"Of course, I have no intention of spouting such wild speculations, and if she really did attempt suicide because of Fumoto-sensei's work, as editor-in-chief I have no intention of shirking responsibility either. But the malaise I feel makes me think there's more to it."

Malaise...that was really far too abstract to base anything on. But even so, can't ignore a felt sense of unease.

Is this why he requested Kyouko-san?

This is why he needed Okitegami Kyouko?

Prev | Next

#translation #the testament of okitegami kyouko #okitegami kyouko

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thedisasterfam · 1 year

Text

4E 206 - part I: Bruma

(Me? Posting my writings? Unheard of.)

The year is 4E 206. After all the trouble with dragons, the civil war, an ancient dragonborn and rampant vampires and so on, Listener Kajo has decided to focus on what is really important to her: The Dark Brotherhood. It is about time to begin proper rebuilding, spreading back into other provinces, and what could be the better place to start than Cyrodiil, the center most province of Tamriel. Surprisingly, Cicero wishes to tag along, eagerly offering his help once again, and who is Kajo to deny his wishes. He is the last remaining member of the Cyrodiilic Brotherhood, after all, and knows the secrets of the old Sanctuaries better than anyone else.

And of course, who else she would even want to bring into new adventures with her?

---

Bruma looked almost exactly as Cicero remembered it; Small, quiet, a bit rugged due to its location up in the mountains, but somehow quite homely. The walls surrounding the town were still somewhat damaged by the war that had ravaged around the province, but masons were busy setting the new stones, and life seemed to continue as normal. It was nostalgic, really, walking down the streets of Bruma again, just looking around and seeing if anything interesting from the past waited around the next corner. The houses did look exactly as Cicero remembered them, but it was funny to him notice how similar they looked to the houses back in Skyrim. Made sense, though, since many Nords favored this little town right by the border between Cyrodiil and Skyrim. Not too far from home for them.

“It really hasn’t changed much,” Kajo pointed out as they sat down on a stone fence by the market area, wanting to eavesdrop on people for a bit. “Or at least I don’t think so, but I only visited very briefly before crossing the border.”

“Not too much,” Cicero chuckled, nodding in agreement. It had been much longer for him since his last visit. Fifteen or so years, closer to twenty now! Yes indeed, he had been in his very early twenties when moving to Cheydinhal. “Bruma is very much the same as Cicero remembers it!”

“Have you seen any familiar faces?” Kajo asked curiously, wondering if people from Cicero’s childhood still lived here. The jester thought for a bit, furrowing his brows deeply as he stared at the people wandering around the market area.

“The current stablemaster looked quite familiar,” he scrathed his head then, humming in thought. “Cicero thinks he might be the son of the master I used to work for a short bit after getting kicked out.” The kind stablemaster let young Cicero stay in his barn for a while, even gave him food, only asked him to help with the horses in exchange. Not his favorite job, but it did lead to a fateful night when he killed a fellow teen who he had thought to be a horse thief and even got away with it, no one ever finding out what exactly happened. Well, except for the Dark Brotherhood, that is how they found Cicero and invited him into their family. Oh, how he fondly reminiscenced that night, how he found his passion!

“But he did not seem to recognize Cicero at all!” the jester suddenly exclaimed sorrowfully, sniffling in such a manner that Kajo instantly knew him to be faking his grief. “Cicero has gotten old, that is why! No one recognizes his wrinkly face!”

The bosmer snorted amusedly and slapped his thigh playfully, to which he giggled stupidly. “Maybe you have some wrinkles, but you are that not old, silly!” Kajo said, shaking her head.

“Maybe not really, but Cicero sure feels like it!” Cicero shrugged. He had been through so much it felt like at least two lifetimes, and he was only barely 40! The same age as Kajo, yes, but age worked differently for mer, as she would live at least hundred years longer than him. “It feels almost like a thousand years have passed since I’ve been here.”

All things considered, knowing Cicero’s story, Kajo didn’t continue arguing and only nodded. “Right,” she said, resting her head against his shoulder and felt Cicero lean towards her a little, accepting this little show of affection. “How are you feeling, though?” the bosmer decided to change the subject a little, worrying that being here might be bringing back unpleasant memories. He didn’t seem uncomfortable at the moment, but it was sometimes difficult to tell with him and Kajo wanted to be sure.

After thinking about his answer for a bit, Cicero nodded. “I’m doing fine,” he admitted. “Bruma is not too bad. Cicero has memories here that he isn’t too fond of, but… not too bad. Quite funny to be back, even if just for a bit!”

“That’s good,” Kajo smiled widely, feeling relieved for now, although the slight bit of worry would probably never leave. “But do tell me if something is feels too much.”

“Cicero will!”

“There isn’t much left here,” Kajo sighed disappointedly as they cautiously rummaged through the old Sanctuary. A lof of it had been completely burned to ashes nearly twenty years ago, as Cicero had already told her, but Kajo hoped to find something, anything. But the damage of the fire that had once ravaged here was bad, and clearing the place would take forever and perhaps too much coin to do it discreetingly without rousing any suspisions in the town. Having been sealed away from the outside world for so long, the blackened walls still smelled of fire and ash, already causing Kajo’s head to hurt. Bruma would be a wonderful location, but this was a little too much to deal with.

“Cicero told the Listener,” the jester said as he kicked an old piece of charred wood out of his way, melancholically wandering around the old hall. There was a slight sting to his heart as he looked around and remembered that day. He had been out on a contract when raiders or soldiers – whoever, it didn’t really matter – managed to find their way into the Sanctuary and burned everything down, killing everyone within. He should call himself lucky, but it didn’t feel right. Such a tragedy and it felt sad to be walking these halls again, not being greeted by his dear dark siblings, many whose faces he couldn’t remember clearly anymore, faded over the years. “Nearly everything burned. Cicero did manage to save some old records and brought them with him to Cheydinhal. But other than those, I found nothing.”

Only the scorched corpses once the fire had calmed down enough, which he had carefully gathered to the tomb… gave them the best burial he could. Thinking about it hurt. Really, really hurt.

Kajo noted the jester’s sudden silence, and gave him a quick glance and saw him struggling to remain composed. He was on the verge of tears, she could see it, having hard time pushing aside the memory of that day. His family, a family that finally felt like one, gone in just a moment and he couldn’t do a thing about it. Life was unfair.

“Cicero.”

Kajo’s gentle voice snapped the jester out of his thoughts, and he saw her standing right by him now, tenderly touching his arm. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out; he didn’t really know what to say without breaking down. Instead, he reached for Kajo’s hand and held onto it tightly. She smiled softly and rubbed his hand with her thumb. “It’s alright. I think I’ve seen enough, we don’t have to say.”

There was nothing for them here, it was alright to move on, especially since it was causing the jester a great deal of sorrow. Something Kajo had feared.

Yes, this place was nothing but a reminder of the death of so many who had once been important to him, but regardless Cicero fought with himself, wanting to be helpful and keep digging, but at the same time knew that he shouldn’t be here, that it was too much. He nodded weakly then, tears finally forcing themselves out and he let them fall, and Kajo reached to wipe them away with her cape.

“How are you feeling?” Kajo asked, watching Cicero with worried eyes. They had settled in for the night at a local inn, and although Cicero busied himself with his usual evening routine of helping the Listener get out of her leather armor and writing in his journal, he felt off. He was so awfully quiet ever since they left the Bruma Sanctuary and for a good reason, really, and Kajo worried for him. She already felt terrible for dragging him along on this journey, even if he had suggested it. She did love his company more than anything, but making him face the past that still causes pain felt wrong. And Bruma was just the beginning, in Cheydinhal he could potentially face his biggest trauma.

Laying on the bed, Cicero sighed and rubbed his face, but turned his head to look at his lover then. He didn’t know how to put into words what he was feeling at the moment, as his thoughts were a mess, but he did give her a small, melancholic smile, which told Kajo more than a thousand words could. He was feeling upset, raw, hurting, but still tried to retain his usual cheerful self. Kajo tenderly smiled back at him and crawled onto the bed, snuggling against his side to remind him that he was not alone in this.

“I’m sorry,” Kajo said quietly after a bit, drawing circles on Cicero’s chest with her finger. “I’m sorry for everything you have been through and for putting you into this situation.”

Cicero looked at Kajo, a bit puzzled. “Listener needs not to apologize for anything!” He said then, shaking his head fervently. “Cicero knew what he signed up for!” He had known that this wouldn’t be an easy journey to make and had tried to mentally prepare himself for it, but… well, it was difficult to predict what it would be like to be faced directly with such sad memories. “Cicero is in his head a little now, but he is fine. Sad, I admit and I’m sure Listener can tell, but I will be fine. Cicero will be fine as long as Kajo is with him.”

Kajo sighed and lifted her head to properly look the imperial in the eyes. He looked quite miserable, yes, eyes red from crying and like he needed a very long nap, yet still he seemed determined to continue with her. She watched him for a bit, but leaned down to press a small kiss to the tip of his nose then, smiling when she pulled away and was met with his usual goofy smile.

“You can always tell me if something is too much, okay?” Kajo reminded him once more. “I want nothing but happiness for you and don’t want to put you through situations that hurt you. There have already been enough of those.”

“Cicero knows,” the jester nodded, looking a bit more joyful now, and pushed hair behind Kajo’s elongated ear. How she cared so much for him and his wellbeing made his heart thud with so much joy he could sing about it. But not now, he was too tired for that. Right now it was enough to just get to hold her close. “I want to be here and help the Listener, but I will. I will tell you if something is wrong.”

“Good!” Kajo chuckled and smiled widely, giving him another little kiss, on the lips this time. “Now, we should get some rest. We have a long trek ahead of us tomorrow.”

#drabbles

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elfboyeros · 1 year

Text

Never

Indigo and Calvin's declarations of love: 7 years before Rowan's Enrollment

“I love you.”

It’s not that it was too fast, no, far from it, it is the fact that it is too real.

He said it in passing at one of the college’s many fancy events and what does Indigo do? She runs away, not saying it back or making him say it again to see if that is what he actually said, no she runs away!

“Angel, where are you going!?”

“Away from you!”

“Indigo, was it something I did!?”

“No, it’s what you said!”

“Look the thing I said about Sloan was a joke, Casper even thought it was funny!”

Indigo stopped running down the long hallways of the college and looked at him from what felt like miles away, “what no- what did you say about Sloan?!”

“That now seems very insignificant, because that is obviously not the thing that made you upset,” Calvin remarked.

“And I am going to take this opportunity to run away from you, again!”

Well, there she goes again, this time rounding the corner, making Calvin yet again chase after her, “Indigo, come on you have heels on, you are going to fall,” he huffed, “Oh my goddess, how are you running this fast, YOU HAVE SHORT LEGS!”

Indigo laughed, “The goddesses and gods are kind to me! You obviously haven’t seen me in bat-ahh.”

“Oh shit,” Calvin muttered with a chuckle, watching the tiny mage seemingly trip over the air and fall to the floor, “are you okay?”

“… I twisted my ankle…”

Calvin hide her away in one of the many stairwells in the college, sitting on the steps, his healing hands on her ankle, and her shoes tossed to the tile floor below, “what did I say?”

“That I’d fall,” Indigo mumbled.

“and did you listen?”

“Non…”

“and what happened?”

“I fell and twisted my ankle.”

“Angel eyes, what was it that upset so much, that it made you want to run away from me,” Calvin asked.

“Do you really love me?”

Her voice sounded, so small, even though she’s right next to him, “yes,” he answered. The stairwell fell silent for a few seconds before Calvin spoke again, “how could I not, you are the embodiment of beauty, laugh at my jokes, understand my drive, and honestly are just the personification of everything I have ever want. You have captured my heart in such a way that I will never stop falling love with you,” he let out a laugh, “you may as well take my heart, Indigo, it’s already full of you.”

“Please go,” she whispered, at such a volume her words go unheard.

Although he looks at her and sees she’s unhappy, “What it is it, what’s wrong angel?”

“You know nothing about me, you have only known me for 3 months!”

“3 months, Indigo, I’ve known you all my life!”

“All your life,” Indigo scoffed.

“It’s true,” Calvin sighed, sweetly, “when I’ve heard beautiful music, I’ve thought, she’d like that! I’ve looked at flowers, and known that one day I would give them to you—”

“Stop stop!”

Her legs are out of his lap as she begins to curl into herself, such as a scared child. Her pale face is extremely flushed and that pink-red hue, Calvin simply adores, “do you really want me to stop?”

She says nothing, “okay, answer me this: are you upset because I love you?”

She shook her head, “is it because I’m expressing it, that I’m vocalizing?”

Indigo nodded, “you saying makes it real, if that makes any sense.”

“So, you don’t want this - us - to be real,” Calvin asked.

“No, Calvin, I love you,” Indigo confused, “and the more and more I realize that I am in love with you, the more I realize that you are the first person I have ever truly loved.”

Her words make his heart swell, “I have never felt the way I feel right now while be in a relationship with another person. I’ve always felt numb, with other people. I am so afraid,” she lamented, “Calvin, I have both dreamt and daydreamed of a future with you. I want that future to be a reality, but I am so scared that one day I will wake up beside you and feel nothing. I don’t want to look at you one day and just shrug, say “so sorry Calvin I know we’ve been married for the past 17 years but I just don’t love you anymore,” I don’t think I could handle that.”

“You want you get married…”

“Yes,” Indigo let out a huffed laugh.

“For at least 17 years!?”

“Yes!”

“Indigo, how long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since our first date…”

“Since our first date?!”

“Yes,” she groaned, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Calvin reassured, “I will be honest I have thought about a life with you, a married life, and I would love for it to be a reality.”

“What is happens if I fall out of love,” Indigo asked.

“Do you have any plans to stop falling in love with me,” Calvin asked.

“No.”

“Then don’t worry.”

“But what if—”

“Shush, angel eyes,” Calvin cooed, “I doubt you need to think of that possibility at all. Although if it were to happen, all you have to do is tell me, and I’ll leave.”

Indigo now sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, still hugging her knees, “I don’t want you to ever leave, though.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” Calvin stated, “but if you need me to because it’s too difficult, tell me.”

“Will you ever stop falling in love with me,” Indigo asked, softly.

“Never,” Calvin quickly replied, “come let get you home, we need to wrap your ankle overnight.”

“You’re going to stay with me, right,” she asked as she followed him standing from the steps and grabbed her shoes.

“Of course, angel,” he replied, picking her up and carrying her off towards one of the exits, “you do know we basically proposed to each other, right?”

“Yeah,” Indigo muttered, “is it weird that I want to get married as soon as possible?”

“No,” Calvin retorted, “because I want the same.”

#Bridgehid #bridgehid secrets #the bridgehid preludes #indigo x calvin #indigo and calvin #love story #Romance #ocs #original work #original characters #elfboyeros

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firefield · 1 year

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*REVIEW*

David Bowie - Divine Symmetry (2022)

A Journey To Hunky Dory

The subtitle to this project is perfect, and listening through this 5+ hour set you really do get the sense of DB really going for something he's got fixed in his mind and heart - he just needs to shape and trim and mine all these great songs and find that final form. I tell you something - once you work through all this - all the roughness, the humor, the nervousness and charm; once you finally get to that 2021 new mix of Bewlay Brothers, with all its layers of complexity, intrigue and intricate skill, it's impossible not to marvel at the path he's cut through the jungle. It feels like a Fitzcarraldoian feat.

"After the struggle of The Man Who Sold The World, Hunky Dory was the album where I said yes, I understand what l've got to do now." - DB

The sequencing of this beautifully made box set is very well considered. The first CD is called "The songwriting demos plus" and it's filled with unheard and unreleased material - Haddon Hall demos with Bowie's new piano gift from the neighbor, hotel recordings in San Francisco to small groups of friends and journalists on the floor, DB jamming and improvising, and even scratchy acetate dubs that I cannot believe survived to even find their way here.

The second CD is "David Bowie and Friends" -

John Peel on the BBC, and it's a relatively nervous DB buoyed by his buddies and working out the kinks as Hunky Dory starts to take shape.

The third CD is more live work a few months later, also for the BBC; Sounds Of The 70's: Bob Harris, and then the previously well-booted Live Friars, Aylesbury from late September, '71 - all performed with new confidence and swagger.

The fourth CD is called "Alternative Mixes, singles and versions" the brings us up to the BOWPROMO mixes, all the singles, and the alternative new remixes of the final album stems.

The Blu-Ray ties it all together with the final and original mix of Hunky Dory - the 2015 remaster, in 96kHz/24bit stereo. Then the incredible Divine Symmetry version of Hunky Dory (no 5.1 DTS? boo!) - the new mix of Life On Mars in surround, and closing with the Bob Harris show in jaw-dropping quality.

So let’s get down in the weeds for anyone interested.

DISC ONE - The package opens with Tired Of My Life, a remarkable, mature and haunting composition that stands beautifully on its own, but will send the chills when you hear the chorus - recycled nearly a decade later in an entirely different context - you’ll immediately know it when you hear it. Such a fantastic choice to open with, clearly emphasizing the arching themes of Bowie’s career and the in-and-out-of-time patterns in his work. It’s interesting to me that this track and the similarly-toned Shadow Man hit the cutting room floor for a time. Make of that what you will.

How Lucky You Are follows and is a good example of the impact the piano had on DB’s compositions. It’s a nice song, and I was surprised to hear the bass and drums sounding so good for this kind of demo. The track speaks to his Brel Influences and pub hall sing-song wordless melodies he’ll continue to visit all through the glam years.

Speaking of Shadow Man, wow. Delivered at a faster tempo and a more traditionally earnest and direct fashion, it’s an arresting rear view mirror on the origins of this great song. When you hear it delivered like this it makes sense in the same soup with Quicksand and Bewlay Brothers. As I mentioned, it’s wild to me that DB needed this one to sit and marinate for awhile. I wasn’t fully aware how often DB did this until after he passed, but he always seemed comfortable leaving great songs alone to let their flavor develop until he felt it was their time to be interpreted properly. It’s like he knew the song didn’t have to seduce him, but that he needed to grow into the song and do the seducing himself to make it come alive.

And next up is a fun, very non-Arnold Corns version of Looking For A Friend that I had no idea existed. Just excellent hearing the bass so up front from Ian Ellis.

Also firmly in the “I can’t believe this exists” category is two recordings of David solo and his 12 string in a San Francisco hotel room *jamming* out a long version of Waiting For The Man - the only solo recording of it that exists - and complete with improvisations both vocally and on the guitar. Priceless. Honestly, not being a huge fan of this song and DB’s propensity to want to play it live, I think this is, in fact, my favorite version I’ve ever heard. And then the earliest recorded version we have of one of David’s finest compositions, Quicksand. Some octave differences in the vocal, but basically the version we all know. I’m reminded how grateful I am that sets like this exist if only to preserve this history. Not everyone will care to hear songs like this in their infancy, recorded on basic tape recorders, or they’ll consider it a one-and-done curio to listen to and move on, but it’s worth considering this work from a legacy perspective. Find, clean, present and preserve. It matters. I still can’t get over how young DB was writing songs like this. Extraordinary.

Next up is the incredible King Of The City, solo David in the front room of Haddon Hall. Overdubbing himself on guitar and vocals - backing and doubling himself - working the two tape machines bouncing back and forth between them as he adds new layers. Good Lord. There is a hint of early Motown soul here and it’s wonderfully confident. Finding his own way indeed.

Another David solo multitracked early version of Song For Bob Dylan with DB doing all the vocals, guitars and harmonica. Really nice. David sounds about 50 and playing his heart out for a bus ticket. Amazing.

Next up is a series of nice sounding demos recorded at Radio Luxembourg Studios in London. The relatively silly Right On Mother, a wonderful solo version of Quicksand, a very laid back almost lazy doobified preglam Queen Bitch, the always sincere Kooks, a one take solo recording of Amsterdam with David singing the second and third verses in a menacing lower register, and a super gentle version of Life On Mars, solo, with DB on piano, complete with charming clunkiness, mistakes, and endless charm.

Closing out the disc, another set of “how does this exist” tracks, Changes and Bombers recorded to - get this- 7” acetate - totally fragile, totally noisy and totally solo David on piano. Absolutely unfreaking believable and pure gold.

DISC TWO is mono and stereo presentations of the June 3rd, 1971 John Peel radio show. The band opens with Queen Bitch and Bombers, both haven’t yet found their exuberance; their *teeth* yet, and they lean toward timid and new. That’s not a criticism by the way - just part of the process. You notice an immediate change as they launch into The Supermen, Looking For A Friend, and Almost Grown - played clearly with more swagger and familiarity. Nice to hear nervous David introducing Kooks, and man, what a lovely version. The band is silent, and it’s just DB and his 12-string, singing this less from the upper nasal area, and more from his Letter To Hermione/God Knows I’m Good area of the throat. Really surprised me and sounds perfect in mono.

From here on out it’s a full band affair, multiple vocalists joining in; George Underwood, Dana Gillespie, Geoff MacCormack and Mark Pritchett all taking the lead at various times during Song For Bob Dylan, Andy Warhol and It Ain’t Easy. Other than Kooks, I prefer the stereo to the mono mixes here, but nice to have them both from a legacy/preservation perspective. David’s introduction of his friend Dana before Andy Warhol is very sweet and pretty funny actually. It must warm her heart to hear it today. For what it’s worth, she *nails* her vocal, and it’s no surprise to read he wrote it specifically for her. Another welcome surprise in this box.

DISC THREE contains two more live sets - but both of these are performed after the official Hunky Dory sessions and the confidence of David and the band is palpable. Especially David’s vocals - he makes these songs now feel lived-in. He’s letting timbre and dynamics match the lyric, and everything sounds more effortless and natural. The meticulous craftsmanship is done and now it’s all heart.

Immediately blown away by the sound quality of the Bob Ross session. Apparently a start-the-tape-and-play singular take, David and Mick alone just kill it. The mic they used for David and Mick’s voices is excellent, Bowie’s piano playing has never sounded better, and the balances are just right the whole way through the show. Absolutely loving hearing Mick Ronson’s totally joyful bass playing on Kooks. He just skips all over this thing under David’s guitar - I couldn’t stop smiling. What a talent he was and a blessing for David at this time. The actual broadcast of this performance closed with the next track, a great version of Fill Your Heart, but this box set includes the unaired Amsterdam and Andy Warhol. A note here about Amsterdam: I know this track can be divisive for many fans, but I’d encourage those nonplussed by that track to try again with this performance. It’s solo David and it’s a pretty amazing rendition.

And now the Live Friars, Aylesbury late September show. It’s immediately electric feeling. By all accounts, DB wasn’t thrilled with the small handful of gigs he’d done in ‘71 and was doubting his ability to connect with audiences. It’s one of the reasons why he poured his energy into songwriting and recording. But this show feels and is pretty historic. It starts out acoustic and gradually builds the band behind him and you can absolutely feel him win over the crowd. The story he tells about his difficulties waking up in the morning and what his mother had to do to finally wake him up is appropriately Bowie-bizarre. And then after the encore, with the audience demanding more music, the band goes with Waiting For The Man, only to finish to find demand for *more* songs and DB is tapped out. Trying to tell the crowd they literally have no more songs to play, he had to literally tell them to shut up, and then politely explain that he’s done, spent, got nothing left, but would warmly welcome the chance to write new songs and come back to play them. Beautiful.

This presentation is a tricky piece of audio engineering skill, as the original 1/4” tape suffered from some mangling, bad tape splices, dropouts, etc. Preserving the integrity and continuity of the performance required some pretty wild work done and you will hear those moments. Rather than let them jump out and annoy, see them as puzzle pieces creatively cut and fitted to allow you to take in the whole picture of that moment in time. I can tell you with confidence that the work here is extraordinary.

DISC FOUR is all post HD sessions mixes and singles from the time, along with the 2021 new mixes of select tracks from the final album stems. The disc begins with the 6 track BOWPROMO LP 2022 remaster. These are early and different mixes than ended up on Hunky Dory made for a Gem not-for-sale record that had Bowie on the A-side and Dana Gillespie’s work on the B-side. Some feature entirely different vocals and soundstaging. I suppose many might not hear the differences but they are there. Queen Bitch is wonderfully unhinged in this mix, Kooks’s bass line and strings really stand out nicely, Eight Line Poem’s new vocal, Quicksand has some alternate guitar parts, and Bombers/Andy Warhol Intro (which didn’t make the cut for Hunky Dory) sounds fantastic with that cleanly defined bass and piano. The book also notes pitch and tempo corrections for Kooks and Quicksand. I suspect there are some who don’t know these are different versions and they’ll be pleasantly surprised to hear them.

Lightning Frightening surprised me here, as I am familiar with it only from the mono bonus track on the Ryko 1990 CD of TMWSTW. Here, for the first time is the full-on chugging, twangy, down-and-dirty stereo version. Holy hell. You’ve never heard it like this. Herbie Flowers on bass, Barry Morgan drums, Mark Pritchett guitar, and David blowing lots of sax and harmonica.

Amsterdam was originally set to close Hunky Dory but was bumped for The Bewlay Brothers. It was also set to close side A of Ziggy Stardust on the first pass master tape and was dropped there too - getting it’s first official release as the B-side to the Pin Ups single “Sorrow.” This first early mix is David solo with a one-pass vocal performance and triple layered 12-string guitars. Whoa. The second mix here later on the disc is the mix used for the Sorrow B-side - the 2015 remaster from the Five Years box. Changes mono single, also from the Five Years box. And then holy smokes my favorite version of Andy Warhol I’ve ever heard. I’ve always loved the mono version of this track, and here it gets a new 2022 remaster. This is a turn-it-up-to-11 track for me. Fantastic.

Next up is the wonderful stripped back 2016 Ken Scott mix of Life On Mars made for inclusion on the David Bowie - Legacy compilation album. Most of you would have heard this, but what I didn’t know was that David and Ken discussed making this new mix as far back as 1998. During this same session on April 12, 2016, the surround sound mix was completed at Abbey Road and appears on the final Blu-Ray disc in the set.

Closing up disc 4 are the new 2021 mixes - so excited to finally wrap my ears around them. For Changes, Ken is working from the masters, take number eight here, and he notes that he heard many unheard/unused parts on that take that he wanted to bring up in the mix, including a new sax solo from David. His aim here was to give Changes a contemporary modern mix feel. Headphones recommended on all these new mixes, and if you are like me and have heard the originals countless times, you’ll notice much here to marvel at.

Life On Mars uses a blend of take 5 and take 9 and allows Ken to rebuild LOM in a way that he remembers the band absolutely *loving* but had to ultimately discard due to Mick Ronson’s cursing. He explains the story in the book and I’ll leave it to you to read and hear, but wow. What a song. This mix is faithful to the original and awesome.

This version of Quicksand. Wow. Incredibly, Ken states this take four version from very early in the HD sessions was determined to be “not good enough” but on revisiting, keyed in on David’s amazing vocal. And gosh it’s really something. He approaches it from a different place - hard to describe - but his timbre and annunciation feels genuinely weary and earnest. Always with these deep dive box sets, there is something that just makes you totally miss the guy, and this was it for me. What a humble performance.

Fill Your Heart is another big surprise - this is take ten but Ken had nothing else to work with as they’d simply recorded over previous takes to save on expensive tape costs. Again keying into David’s vocal, he wipes the orchestra out completely, leaving only Rick Wakemen’s stunning piano playing and DB’s alto and tenor sax. What this does is elevate and lay bare Bowie’s animated vocal parts draped right over your ear drums. Jaw on the floor.

Bombers gets a new mix! Another big surprise. Ken writes that he knows he did a mix of this for the BowPromo EP but can’t remember recording it or mixing it - so after 50 years, loved the challenge of sitting down with these master tape stems and getting to work nailing a mix of this unique DB composition. The song was dropped from the album because it didn’t “fit” with the other material, and although unstated in the notes, to my ear anyway, Mr. Scott brings it into the Hunky Dory universe with want he chooses to emphasize and de-emphasize. I appreciate his sensitivity to honoring the time and circumstances of its recording not going wild with it. It’s solid, balanced and fits beautifully into HD. I wish David could have heard it.

Ahhh man. Wow. People often pick my brain about “favorites” and “rankings” and such things that I generally avoid when thinking about art - and one of those questions is about what I think is “underrated.” There are certainly more than a handful of tracks that would qualify, and Song For Bob Dylan would be there I think, as I listen to this wonderful new mix. I’m not sure why many seem to see this track as a throw-away of sorts - I’ve met people that assumed DB didn’t even write it - maybe it just gets lost inside an album of outstanding tracks, but I think this version here could really grab some hearts.

…and the closing track. I admit I was pretty floored and superglued to my headphones when the new mix of The Bewlay Brothers began. Immediately I realized I had not heard this track at all, in any form, over the course of this box set. Reading Ken’s notes for this song, that’s probably because David just rolled up to him late in the sessions with the old “I have this new song I’d like to do” and f*cking genius that he is, just drops this atomic bomb of a track. So it doesn’t appear that it was demoed at all - which to me is just extraordinary because it *sounds* like a track that would have a deep life of growth, revision, alteration and struggle to find its final form. But no, apparently lightening struck, and in what will prove to be a pattern in David Bowie’s recording career, time and pressure forge a diamond that seems to arrive on a flaming chariot. I could probably blab for an hour about everything happening here, and the contrast to the original mix, but perhaps it’s best to just let that go and urge a listen. I will say the tendency to simplify is probably not always the go-to choice for an audio engineer when faced with rebuilding a complex emotional track like this, but Ken has managed to actually enhance the song’s Mariana Trench of mystery through distillation and careful consideration of each and every detail. Listening through this masterpiece after all that came before, you really do understand the subtitle of this set - “A Journey To Hunky Dory.” This is such a complex and pivotal year in David’s career. He was not glowing in confidence, he was haunted by possible one hit wonder relegation (Space Oddity) as his friend Marc Bolan was basking in well-deserved attention, TMWSTW was not selling well, he was embracing and fast-learning new instruments to compose on, and reconsidering all his possible paths he could take in his life. Things were not, actually, very Hunky Dory at all. I was struck by how, in the very cool included “student note book” containing DB’s hand written notes, lyrics, scribbles, chords, pay rates and telephone numbers, how David fretted over the spelling of the album’s title. Two “R’s?” Maybe with a “e” in there? Umm yes. No? Ugh. Hunky Dory is the story of a man both lost and found.

This is too long so I won’t get too into the weeds of the Blu-Ray disc as it essentially contains higher res versions of what we’ve heard before. A super high resolution of the original mix of Hunky Dory - the final “Divine Symmetry” mix and sequence of the 2021 version, the killer sounding Bob Harris set (also at 96kHz/24 bit stereo) and the 5.1 surround presentation of Life On Mars.

For those wondering, yes the price is high, but the quality of *everything* here is top shelf. The whole package is amazing. Essays, notes, photography, paper stock, slipcase, audio quality… really can’t be improved on. Disappointments for me are few - but the glaring one is the lack of the 2021 mix in DTS-HD or Dolby Atmos surround sound. What a waste not to take the time to do that for the Blu-Ray disc. That said, I’m still 100% happy.

This is a deep dive. If you are one of those people that get annoyed at repeated tracks over the course of multiple discs and can’t hear the difference anyway, or even care, this set is not something you’d want to dump money into. Streaming for free to sate your curiosity will do the trick while you keep your money in the bank.

But if you enjoy unheard/demo Bowie in pretty astounding quality and quantity, have a particular fascination with this record and it’s evolution, or even just enjoy curling up with a coffee table quality book to read and admire unseen photography, you won’t be disappointed.

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starlsssankt · 5 months

Note

Anastasiya was half listening to Hypaxia speak of her trip. She wasn't sure why she felt so irritated. Aleksander took her places all the time. They saw the sights, they did romantic things....made love. So why did -

"He took you to the gardens?"

Hypaxia turned to Anastasiya and beamed with a nod.

"I love to garden. I used to help Natalia with it when I was younger. It has helped keep me sane a lot. The Hanging Gardens in Rask are beautiful, Giselle was so excited to give us a tour of -"

She tuned her out, slipping away from the group of females. She looked to where Aleksander stood, he radiated confidence. Something in her soured.

Her eyes skipped his other brothers to Azriel. He didn't even look to be paying attention to the conversation. Picking wild flowers, no examing them.

She saw the flower garlands, bracelets on Hypaxia's dresser again. The meaning now a punch in the gut. She saw them mostly after storms, did Azriel make them to ease her fear? Did they stay up late to make them together?

Her eyes stung, she turned away. She didn't even know where she was going. The warmth of the kitchen smacked in the face. She stood in the shadows, Alina and Aelin were helping Natalia work. No, no they were doing it for her, forcing their mother to sit - to let Sebastian feed her something he made apparently.

When was the last time Aleksander had simply made her something to taste? Not something elaborate but just for them? When had he picked her flowers to just give her?

When had he ever done something simple? Nothing flashy to prove a point?

She loved those grand gestures, she loved how excited he was to show them off.

But lately they felt hollow. She felt restless, tired. She didn't remember the last time she was excited for something for her.

When had that happened?

When had she forgotten her own wants?

------

She tried to find something to say. The dress was beautiful, the earrings and jewelry complimented it well. She'd be the jewel of the entire ball this Winter Fete.

She startled, noticing the sudden silence. He looked angry? Confused?

"You don't like it."

"I -"

She shrugged, she didn't have the energy to explain. She was just - she turned away, moving to find her night robe.

"I like it, I just don't feel like going this year, that's all."

When had he taken her somewhere spontaneous? She couldn't fathom the ides that Azriel and Hypaxia did weekly things together. Some of the things she listed weren't even romantic. Boardgames? Reading?

Was that why she felt so distant? They didn't do those things?

She'd never felt like they she to. She'd been content, no elated to have Aleksander look at her. To show her off to everyone, to be so thrilled she was his.

So what that they didn't do arguably cheap activities? Did she want to waste her time with those? Really?

She exhaled, reaching the door too their chambers.

"I'm going to check in on Amie before bed. Narcissus was saying she had a cold."

The gown was custom-tailored to her. It was one-of-a-kind and no other female would even come close to shining next to her. He'd chosen some of the more exquisite pieces of jewelry to match it, to make her the most beautiful ever to walk this earth, a queen and goddess among the other mere mortals...

Because that's what Anastasiya was to him. And he wanted the entire world, the entire realms, to know it.

So when she just gazed at the outfit in such a way, almost no sign of awe on her face... Aleksander frowned.

Her words, then, made the expression grow deeper.

❝ What do you mean, you don't feel like going this year? ❞ The very idea of it was unheard of! Everyone would be there, the shining example of all that they'd worked so hard to achieve. Even if there was still a long road to go, they'd come so far--

Aleksander shook his head and reached for her before she left. ❝ Ana-- What's the matter? You're not acting like yourself... ❞

@siderealxmelody

#asks / aleksander says…#siderealxmelody #verse / blessed with too much power ;; closed (siderealxmelody)

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eyecryxombie · 2 years

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⚠️T.W.⚠️

My birthday has been hard for me every year. I have a different story, I'm sure, for each one. Most years anyway, my main struggle was about feeling unheard.

When I was 5/6 my "God-Father" told me he would be the one to buy my cake that year. Around this time I didn't have a father figure prominently in my life, so moments like that felt important. Except, when my birthday came, he never showed up with the cake he promised, and it broke my heart. At this age I could appreciate what happened next, but back then it was the first time I started to grasp the impact of poverty. My family had me blow my birthday candles out on a pizza. I remember crying and feeling devastated, but it was more about being lied to, and not so much the pizza.

As I got older it became tradition to have a party like many people do. But, I hated these parties, because it never felt like my day. I was very shy, had extreme social anxiety, and I would always see people I didn't know or recognize on my birthday. That or I wasn't able to choose my theme. It felt like it was just an excuse for everyone else to celebrate and have fun.

For my fifteenth birthday I had a quinceañera. Which I only agreed to have, because I knew it was a cultural tradition, and I would be the first of my generation in my family to have one. I was obligated and I wanted to deliver. It was a disaster, most of it went wrong. Everything from the cake, the venue, not having friends, shoes, and my parents leaving me stranded. I learned later that there was a drug addiction involved.

On my 21st I planned a night out clubbing, and trying to meet the social standard. But the people I invited flaked. I decided to go to a local show last minute. There I met a girl who I'd been crushing on for some time. I had a great time, but ended my night with a decision I later regretted. Sometimes I say I dodged a bullet, but either outcome would be just as bad.

Since then I tried to ask for nothing on my birthday. I just tell people if they're going to get me anything, just get me a chocolate bar. Of course no one ever listens to my wishes. So I've learned to just accept and appreciate whatever comes on the day I age another year.

Although on my 23rd birthday I spent my night packing, having been kicked out by my ex's mother the week before. She locked us out and all my supplies were left in my room. So I baked a small cake for myself and shared the moment with a handful of people. It was a strange feeling to be celebrating not knowing if I'd be homeless soon after.

This year my 25th was finally different. I met a person who is more like me than I've ever encountered. They understand my needs and they don't let me feel unheard. This year they took the time to pry and figure out what exactly I'd like to experience on my special day. Any absurd request I made was met. They even made sure I wouldn't be deadnamed when the time came to sing the birthday song.

That was the first time I genuinely and deeply felt special on my birthday. I couldn't ask for more, and nothing could have been better.

I'm sure the next quarter of my life will be just as special and I'm excited to start living it.

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borderlineby-madonna · 2 years

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Vent

I think I’ve realized why I’ve been so triggered by you recently. And like most everything in life it’s a dialectic: yes it does irritate me and is objectively true that you talk a lot and often times it is hard for me to get a word in. and sometimes, or often it’s felt like lately, it’s left me feeling very unseen and unheard when I go to you for support. It’s almost felt to me like lately (especially when I talk about J) that you just don’t really seem to care that much. You sort of just nod your head and seem like you’re half listening and say “yeah…”. And given how much I’m there for you and that I really try to listen when you come to me for support and especially recently with relationship troubles that are very similar to the ones I had with J, it makes me angry.

That all being said, the other side of it is that I know you do care a lot about me. I know you wouldn’t check in on me and ask me about my life and want to hang out if you didn’t give a fuck about me. I know you’re a very passionate person and you are just a very talkative person as well, and it’s a part of what makes you great and a person that I love and care about as well. This feelings of jealousy with J and how he talked about you (though I know you two don’t like each other in reality) are really difficult to manage, and they have been seeping through recently especially bc I have felt unseen, which has caused me to split on you a lot. But you have not globally made me feel unseen, and even though sometimes you do talk too much, it’s not like nothing you’re saying isn’t of value. A lot of it is of value, it can just be hard for me to take it in when I’m splitting and I feel invalidated bc it brings on the emotional flashbacks of my relationship with my mom, and this is stuff that is not your fault and that I need to work on on my own.

2 opposing things, ideas or feelings can coexist at the same time. It’s hard to grasp sometimes, but the grey area does exist. Keep trying to stay present, acknowledge your feelings and emotions as they come, while also remembering to check the facts. You can do this, you are capable of holding both.

#bpd #vent #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline

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jesse-eisenberg-interview · 14 years

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The Social Network’s Jesse Eisenberg [Interview]

By Dan | on October 13, 2010

Earlier this month, I sat down to interview Jesse Eisenberg, an actor on the verge of something great in his acting career with his role in The Social Network, playing the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg.

Known for his turn as Columbus in Zombieland, landing this part couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. It was great chatting with him about working with the legendary David Fincher, his thoughts after playing one of youngest billionaires ever, and his thoughts on social media.

A note of warning the interview does contain spoilers about the film’s ending.

What was it like portraying Mark Zuckerberg? Did you actually meet prior to taking the role?

I was unable to meet him unfortunately, when I auditioned for the film I had only Sorkin’s great script to use as a resource. I didn’t know anything about Zuckerberg and hadn’t seen any tape, pictures or audio of him. So when I auditioned for the film I felt I had enough just based on the wonderful script.

During the rehearsal process for the film, which was pretty lengthy, I got every audio clip, picture and video I could find and it helped me in the preparation process.

But the script was so wonderful, the characterization by Aaron was so wonderful that there was enough to use.

How was listening to the audio of Zuckerberg?

It was good, it was very helpful. I put his tracks on my iPod, that I made from the video that I put through Garageband to get the audio then I made an MP3, and put it on my iPod; so I could listen to it everyday on set between takes it need be.

It was helpful not because I was trying to mimic the voice, but it really got me into the spirit of Zuckerberg. Somebody who has created something so successful at such a young age and has to do these interviews, which is where most of the audio came from and is a bit disengaged personally. On one hand he is doing the interviews and has to be personable on the other hand you get the feeling he doesn’t want to be there.

Can you tell me a bit about creating your character that who while is a bit likable is still very sad?

For me it always comes out of loneliness for the character, its what drove him to create this tool that is Facebook and it is what drives him to feel like an outsider. He goes to parties and he is in the corner looking at the party, he doesn’t feel part of it.

That is what’s upsetting, but at the same time with Mark being able to look at the party as an outsider allowed him to think about how to throw the best party which is Facebook.

The opening scene in the film is brilliant. Your acting, the dialog, the action… how long did it take to shoot that?

That was the first scene we filmed, it was a 10-page scene; which is kind of unheard of in a film. A long scene in a script is usually a page at the most, most scenes in the movie are “Hey! Look at that”, “I will look at that too!” and next week you film what they were looking at.

This scene was incredibly unique, my background is in theater so a 10 page scene is actually somewhat short in theater. I was really have that just because you so rarely see that in films.

It was filmed over the course of 2 nights we started at 7pm both nights on location at a bar in Boston. David Fincher is well known for doing many, many takes of each scene… so we did that scene 99 times. I even asked if we could do it one more just to round it out to an even 100 and he said “nope, that’s it we’re done.” The girl who played Erica is also playing in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo that Fincher is working on now.

There are some great subtleties in your performance as Zuckerberg. How much of that was on the page and how much did you bring as an actor?

To me it was all on the page, Aaron’s script is so remarkable. He is able to write both for actors and for studio executives. I will explain the differences: Actors tend to get offended when the writer writes, like “begins to tear up” or “Torn by this, he walks into the other room.” That’s what my job is to decide what the emotional experience is, and yet when a movie studio executive reads it and it doesn’t say “Torn by this, he walks into the other room” then they don’t have a place to frame emotional experience of watching the film.

Aaron like no one else is able to write to appease both you understand as an actor what the emotional experience is and yet there is nothing excessive to tell you how to play it. It was immediately clear to me how things should be played and what his loneliness was and how sad he was even though his behavior appears angry.

Do you use social media, Twitter or Facebook at all?

I don’t. Because I do interviews for films and I get recognized on the street, I value my privacy much more.

Some of my favorite scenes in the film are the ones with you and Rashida Jones, who plays one of Mark’s lawyers. Can you shed some light on your motivation in those scenes?

She is a girl who in any other context he would date, it just happens she is defending him in this billion-dollar lawsuit against his best friend. So it colors the relationship a little bit.

So in kind of sweet ending scene, he is just desperate to be seen as a person and not in the way he has been present by the people whom he had to defend himself against. He just want to be seen in a more human way and she rejects him, so he then goes to Erica from the beginning of the film. He may have fended off these billion dollar legal battles but he is still in the room alone.

There were some other scenes (that are not in the film) where I am saying things that were not going to be good for my case, when I am yelling at some of the lawyers. And I know some of the direction for her, and some of her character choices were mortified that her client was saying these things.

So I think she ultimately knows that he is better than what some of his behavior may indicate.

If Mark were to call you for a meeting what would you say?

I would be on the first flight out. I am eager to meet him, my cousin who actually went the University of Pennsylvania who is a brilliant computer programmer and designer, a week before we finished the film got a job at Facebook.

He is actually working side-by-side with Zuckerberg now and has the most wonderful things to say about him personally, professionally so I am eager to meet him because he is my cousin’s boss.

I also want to meet him because I spent six months, fourteen hours a day defending him in his shoes and thinking about him because of that I have great reverence for him. I would love to meet him.

And I have to ask finally, being a huge fan of Zombieland people just love that film did you have any idea it would become what it has in mainstream media?

No, I was surprised that people liked it so much because when we were filming it, it was very hard to tell what it was because the tone was so unique. The script for that film was really great and the director really knocked it out of the park the movie I finished on Friday, he was also the director on that as well.

I was actually in another horror film called Cursed a few years ago that also had comedic elements and I thought the script was great but no one really liked that film. So I was actually afraid Zombieland might suffer from the same fate on the contrary people just loved the film, including my mother who is scared of all that kind of stuff.

SOURCE

#jesse eisenberg #2010 #the social network

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matan4il · 3 years

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Buddie 503 meta

Before I get into things, just a small shoutout to Bobby & Buck’s bond and the progress we see in it: back in s1, when Bobby was going through rough times, Buck bluntly confronted him about it, and he shut everyone out, shoved Buck up against the wall and generally almost went off the deep end. This time, Buck is trying to check what’s going on in a far more gentle way, while Bobby actually tells his team what’s the matter, and they all end up helping him and Athena through it. IDK about you, but I loved this proof of how they’ve both grown during this show.

“If it was Christopher, I’d be losing my mind,” says Eddie, and right away the camera pans to Buck, his co-parent. Chim and Hen are both parents with kids of their own, they could have agreed with or amplified what Eddie was saying, but instead we get a very agitated Buck. Probably because he knows better than anyone else on that team how much a person can love and lose their mind with worry over a child that is like their own even though they’re not biologically related to each other…

Small moment, but Buck turns specifically to Eddie and even calls him by his name before he points up and indicates he wants to go upstairs, and Eddie’s all “yeah” and joins him without even thinking about it. It parallels the way their battlefield boyfriends bond started in 202, with Eddie leading back then and Buck following him to the higher floors of a collapsed building, no questions asked. I just love this reminder that three years down the line, this bond of theirs is still going so strong!

Right after Hen says to Denny (on the phone), “I can’t wait to see you,” we get a shot of Eddie approaching Buck, who turns to him, smiling wide. Then he teasingly says to Eddie, “I thought you’d be the first one out the door. Christopher know you’re coming?” which shows that Eddie’s earlier remark actually registered more than we might have initially thought, despite how on edge Buck was, providing further evidence that Eddie and Chris always preoccupy him, even more than he shows. Which is already quite a lot.

Thinking about 406, Eddie needed a pep talk from Bobby AND a series of events during their jinxed day, climaxing with the pretend-firefighter, on top of years of internalized expectations about what he’s supposed to do to provide his son with the right kind of family, in order to ask Ana out. But then comes the reverse, which is actually harder (as we see in the painful breakup scene), the reverse which goes against everything Eddie believes he should do for Chris, goes against the fact that Chris has already lost too many people he loves, against every nice moment he has had with this woman for almost a year... and yet he doesn’t need to be pushed into it by an alternative father figure or to have his job reflecting back to him some sudden realization. One chat with Buck, just thinking once about the pain that Buck had felt himself when he was in Ana’s position, and Eddie’s entire perspective changes enough that he’s ready to break up with Ana without any further prompting. On top of that, Eddie actually tells Buck he’s about to do that before he even talks to her, reassuring him that his words didn’t go unnoticed (just like Eddie’s words about Chris earlier in the ep didn’t go unheard). Buck is Eddie’s person, I repeat, in every way that counts, Buck is Eddie’s person. I swear, I feel like I should have a weekly “if this isn’t love, IDK what is” award…

Buck’s reaction to Eddie still being there at the end of this shift made me recall ep 316, when Buck had no one to celebrate with after a daring rescue. He was so alone, he ended up not going home at all. Now here he is, at the end of the blackout, thinking he’ll be alone, and pleasantly surprised to see Eddie is still there. Not only that, Eddie then confides in him that he’s listening to Buck and is going to break up with Ana. Then, we see Buck going home. This time, unlike at the end of 316, he’s not supposed to be alone. But… he is. Instead of a partner, all he has is a figure on his screen.

Now let’s be clear. This show is rooting for women who care greatly about their jobs. This little TV Taylor bit is shown in the same ep which makes it clear that Athena compromises nothing: she cares about her career, her kids, her husband and even her ex-husband and his new bf, she somehow juggles more than her fair share, and even when a deranged criminal tries to tell her that she can’t have it all, that she can either do her job or save her son, she still manages to do both. Plus, Buck himself has been shown to think highly of people’s dedication to their work. So that bit with seeing Taylor on the screen, while Buck sarcastically lets out a “honey, I’m home,” it’s not a criticism of Taylor, it’s more to show that something isn’t working between the two of them, because in this specific relationship, with its specific dynamics and conflicting schedules, he’s lonely. He’s not getting out of it what he needs and if in 316 we saw he didn’t want to be lonely, here we see that Taylor is not an easy fix to that. Just like Eddie felt he needed a “mother” for Chris, but his relationship with Ana wasn’t an easy fix to that either.

Oliver has stated in an interview before the premiere aired that he was glad the addition of Taylor meant Buck would now have someone to come home to. And then we’re literally shown the exact opposite: in 501 Taylor is present in body, but absent in terms of where her focus lies, in 502 she’s fully absent and in 503 her TV persona is present just long enough and in such a way as to stress her absence. There is an issue in Buck and Taylor’s relationship, and they’re not talking about it, just like Eddie and Ana didn’t up until this ep. I made a parallel gif post out of this moment of both men being lonely because it’s seriously chilling how much these two men’s love lives are interconnected. Not only that, to a great degree we see that if they were just a little less oblivious, they could have seen that they give each other exactly what they each need: Eddie wants a co-parent to Chris that he can also love and that’s exactly Buck, while Buck is desperately longing for a home and a family to belong to, which is what Eddie has been giving him all along. Just kiss already, you morons!

Speaking of the breakup scene! There’s so much to say about it, including how much I’m in awe that it played exactly into how we’ve been reading the Eddie and Ana relationship all along... We thought Eddie was mostly after this woman because on paper she was perfect to form a family with, and he literally tells her he had an “idea of us” and that it was Christopher’s love for her that dictated him staying in this relationship; we thought Ana might have already figured out that something was wrong between them and indeed, we were now shown she did through Eddie suggesting maybe she should go home (he could have just meant he’s tired and needs to rest after the blackout, but her reaction and attempt to stay anyway say everything about her knowing the breakup was coming, and then she later confirms that when she reveals she had figured out why Eddie was really suffering panic attacks). I’m so happy for Eddie that he finally did something for himself! This was a major step for Eddie, for once in his life choosing his happiness over his sense of duty. At the same time, I find it telling that Eddie trying to send Ana home, while she attempts to stay, creates yet one more connection between the (currently dysfunctional) love lives of Buddie: what tells us that Buck’s relationship isn’t exactly working out is how absent his gf is, while we can see that Eddie’s relationship is about to break down when we realize his gf is too present. See, the show could have had Eddie breaking up with Ana in 503 without bringing Buck into it at all. Why have us see Eddie tell Buck about it when we’re about to watch it play out on our screen shortly after? It could have been just the breakup scene and that’s it. No telling Buck, def no need for that extremely short bit with Buck’s loneliness at home. Instead, we get a sequence of scenes that through their themes are all tied together: Eddie tells Buck he’s breaking up with Ana, then a big hint that Buck’s unhappy with Taylor, and finally Eddie evidently unhappy with Ana and breaking up with her. The inclusion of Buck, the theme of their parallel unhappy relationships and the fact that the specific issues they’re having actually constitute mirror images of each other, it’s like the choices the show has made with this breakup state: “this isn’t just Eddie’s story. It’s Buck’s as well.” Which is, once more, interesting.

~~~ Thank you so much to the incredible @judsonryder for these stunning gifs! Also, you should check out her Buck in orange on his bed parallel, I loved that we both thought of it and IMO, it plays into everything pointed out in this meta and complements it.

Also thank you to all you lovelies for every like, reply, kind tag and of course reblog, I’m always so happy and humbled to see people enjoying these posts, it contributes so much to my motivation! xoxox

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