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jiminwreckedme · 6 years

Text

The Distance Between Us

Strange Connections, Stranger Chemistry - Mini Series.

| The Beginning | Everything In Between | The End |

AU - Married, Business.

Genre - Angst, Implied smut in later parts.

Word count - 24K

Summary -Not all love stories are she loved him and he loved her. Not all love stories are that simple. But it isn’t love which is complicated either.

It’s the people in love who are.

Tags -@gwynethjodie, @softkomorebi, @itsinseoul thank for you for always being there <3

Song - It’s alright, it’s love.

As you slowly step on the brake, the hand which was wiping off the crumbs of the tuna sandwich you just had, returns to the steering wheel. Swallowing the last of your brunch urgently, you divert your attention once more to the phone call. “Ash, how about you send me the documents now? I can go through the recorded results and get back to you by the evening.”

“Are you sure you finish the verification by the evening Y/n?” The sound of her voice echoes in the car as you turn left, into the parking lot. “You don’t seem to be at headquarters and you know the deadline is tonight right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Reversing the car, you keep your eyes on the mirror, but your attention is equally on the phone call. Multitasking. With a career that’s all about multitasking, you are pretty good at it by now.

“Will you be back by then? When can you reach by?”

“About an hour or two?” You check for all your belongings, grab your laptop bag and your wallet from behind to place it on the front seat. Leaning a little forward you strip off your white coat and toss it to the back. “I’m at the airport Ash, and that’s not exactly close to the lab. It’ll take me a while to reach.”

“Ah yes you told me about the airport but, why again, are you at the there?”

You freeze, growing unnaturally silent at your assistant’s question. You didn’t exactly realize but a whole awkward minute passes before you hear her voice again, snapping you out of thoughts you weren’t even having. Because your mind is absolutely blank.

“Y/n are you there?”

“Huh? Yeah…I’m here to pick up uh.…” You tensely swallow nothing. “To pick up someone I know”

“Ah, okay.” Her voice is normal. She didn’t notice the hesitancy or the uncertainty in your answer. “Be sure to come back on time. I’ll forward the results to you as soon as I get back to headquarters yeah? I’m kinda out for lunch right now.”

“OK. Cool.” Your voice is tight as you cut the call and the silence of the closed space of your car takes over. Sinking back into the softness of the driver’s seat till your head hits the head rest, you shut your eyes and tensely pinch the bridge of your nose. He’s coming. He’s going to be here. With you. In your house. In your space.

In your life.

Stepping out you collect your things and shut the door as your car gives the click of the lock behind you. Gripping your laptop bag tight, tucking your phone in the back pocket of your jeans, you make your way through the crowd, towards the arrival hall of the airport, heart surely pounding much faster than you’ve learned it’s scientifically supposed to.

It’s late Saturday morning. The sun is blazing like never before, making you long for the coolness of the air conditioning of your car. As sweat makes its way down your neck, your formal wear is uncomfortably beginning to stick to your skin, the material starting to itch. You speeden your footsteps, the clicking of your pumps getting louder, faster, matching the pace of your erratic heartbeat.

But the longing you had minutes ago is gone as soon as you step in the large hall buzzing with people, the constriction of the loud crowd even more annoying than the weather outside. Each person in the crowd moves as if unseeing hands drag them this way and that, pulling their eyes to one thing and then another. They respond in predictable ways, each of them running with a goal to achieve for the day. But you choose to stop.

You stop at the center of the hall as the crowd regardless, makes its way unbothered, parting from either side of you. Taking a moment, you check the old bronze colored watch ticking away on your thinning, paling wrist. 15 minutes. That’s all you have before he’s here. It’s too much and too little time both at once. You shut your eyes tight and let out a long sigh through your mouth, nodding and muttering to yourself, hand tapping away on your heart. “It’s okay…just relax….just relax…”

As you walk ahead you find yourself in front of the sliding glass doors of the arrival hall, the big digital screen flashing that the flight from Seoul has only just landed. That means he is yet to alight, clear immigration, collect his luggage - it would take a while for him to come, so standing and waiting here would only be a waste of time. And a pain in your already aching knees.

Looking around you thank the heavens when you notice the nearby coffee shop, and more importantly an empty table. The moment your rear touches the seat you waste no time in opening your laptop and pulling out the files from your bag, trying to resume the work you had pending - your attempt to utilize time better. A futile attempt.

As your coffee order comes, it sits on the table growing cold, untouched. The pages of your file turn, fluttering due to the occasional gust of wind. The battery of your laptop drains away, the percentage getting lesser and lesser but never mind touching the keypad, you didn’t even look at the screen once.

Head resting on your interlocked hands with your elbows propped on the table, your eyes are fixed on the many people hauling their luggage out of the glass doors. You were the kind trained to observe your surroundings a lot. What people did, their behavior, the little details about their actions and reactions, everything. Being a scientist, keen observation is a skill that naturally comes to you. But that is the last thing you are doing now. Right now your eyes are searching. Searching pointlessly for the one you were waiting for even though the last thing you want to do is to see him.

The thought of him shouldn’t have crossed your mind like this. With all the work you have and being the workaholic that you are, the thought of him should have absolutely not crossed your mind. But like every day in the past three months, it did. And more today than ever before. Perhaps because he’s so close. Or perhaps because even after being this close, he might be so far. Because you knew the distance between you was bound to grow. It was meant to.

And as necessary as that was for you, that hard it was. Staying far was really hard. Getting closer was much harder. And it was thoughts like this that made the last few days so very difficult. It took a hell lot of time and energy to convince and persuade yourself to get prepared to finally see him again. You thought you were ready. You thought you were ready to have him in your life once more but….

But as the crowd parts and sunlight unnecessarily makes its way from the glass windows above to shine on him, every cell of your body tells you that you are far from ready to have him back again. With a bag over his shoulders, a jacket in his hand and dragging his suitcase behind him, he casually walks in your direction, though he doesn’t seem to have noticed your presence. While you should have got up and neared the doors to let him see you, you sit still, maintaining the same stance but the only difference was….

You forgot to breath.

His tousled dark brown hair, looks more thick and lustrous than you remembered it but his eyes are the same mesmerizing brown, flecks of golden light performing a beautiful ballet. His face somehow has stronger and more defined features - The dark eye brows are sloped downwards in a serious expression, his usually playful smile is drawn into a hard line across his face. A prominent jaw curves gracefully around and the strength of his neck shows in the twining cords of muscle that shaped his entire body; strong arms, bold thighs and calves, a firm chest and abdomen. You unnecessarily remember how women used to sigh when he walked down the streets of the city beside you years ago.

As a boy though he didn’t attract the girls. He was far too chubby and his nearly hiding his eyes as he smiled. His horrible sense of style didn’t help either. But by fourteen he was shaping up, he had muscles from biathlon training and skiing all winter. By twenty it wasn’t just the girl who were after him. He had grown into the mesmerizing features you see before you, his bone structure was fine and perfectly symmetrical. It wasn’t exactly just manly. It was strangely beautiful.

He makes his way out of the partition of glass and stands still, searching for something on the boards hanging high above, dangling from the ceiling, before letting out a sigh of recognition and walking straight towards you. Even though you were here to pick him up, suddenly, your body is not cooperating, screaming at you to stray from your purpose. You desperately wish that he leaves without noticing you as you bury your face in your hands, hiding miserably from him. And it works because he goes straight pass you, his eyes only just missing you as he looks around, proceeding towards the taxi stand. You look up and over your shoulder and see him walk further and further away, before relaxing your tense body in relief. But as you return to normal, you remember what his mother said to you on the phone a couple of days ago, guilt surging up. ‘Take care of my son for me Y/n, please….He only has you there.’

Though your body is naturally protesting, hurriedly you push your chair back and stand up, shutting your laptop harshly and stuffing it into your bag hastily. Grabbing all your files in your arms and abandoning your coffee, you make your way rushing through the crowd, banging against a dozen shoulders, stepping on a couple of feet, muttering apologies and excuse mes. When you finally reach him, his back is facing you and he’s humming a beautiful something, tapping his foot, his dancer body slightly swaying. You uncertainly lick your lips, blinking too hard and too many times before extending a shaking arm to tap him softly on the shoulder, balancing the things you were carrying in the wedge created by your body and the other arm. But before you can even make contact with him, a certain unknown someone runs right into you, without noticing your outstretched arm, and everything you are holding tumbles to the ground.

“Bloody hell.” You mutter as you stare down at your scattered things, your violator having far disappeared in the crowd in whatever emergency his or her rushed act was out of. “Doesn’t even have the decency to apologize…”

“Y/n?”

You look up hearing his voice, as he turns around recognizing yours. His face is outlined with slight disbelief and pleasant shock.

“Jimin.” You breath out. You hadn’t taken a proper breath in so long.

And it takes a while, the two of you simply standing, staring at each other, drinking in the delicate details you had so badly missed the last three months. Things were so different before. Every time, every year you went to Seoul, things were so different…..

“Y/n!!!”

Jimin waves at you practically bouncing up and down like a mad man the moment he notices you walking through the crowd. You wave back even more enthusiastic, ignoring the momentary strict stare your father gives asking you to behave. But like always, he smiles seeing the two of you acting like the children, the years of friendship enough to melt his heart. You launch yourself into Jimin’s arms the moment you reach him and he hugs you back with an intensity that lifts you off your feet. As you pull back, red and flushed, Jimin beams at you putting you down, arms still around you.

“Oh thank god you’re finally here! Summer was getting boring without you.” He gives you a heartfelt, genuine smile that makes your heart skip a beat.

“My summer is always fun, regardless of your presence.” You tease him smilingly as he laughs.

“That’s what you say all the time. But you know you need me Y/n.” He smirks playfully taking a bag from you, holding your hand instead. “You always want me to be there.”

It’s so true in so many ways but he doesn’t see it the way you want him to. You know he doesn’t and that he probably never will so you laugh it off. “Yeah, yeah, whatever….. Let’s go home! I’m dying to see everyone.”

“Right this way.” He smiles and leads you and your father to the car, your hand still in his.

“Y/n, you’re here?”

Jimin’s voice leaves him uncertainly before his lips curl into a small, warm smile. “I didn’t think you were coming…..”

“I wasn’t going to.” You confess falsely. “Your mother called me last night and said I should….you know I can never say no to her.”

“She worries too much.” The smile on his face turns fond at the memory of his mother. “Just because I’ve never been out of Korea till now, she probably thinks that one step into another country and I’m dumb enough to get myself killed.”

Normally you would have joked back or said something stupid. Something like ‘well she’s not wrong.’ or ‘She doesn’t think that, she knows you are dumb enough.’ But you don’t. Things have changed way too much between the two of you to casually let out something like that. Instead, you just nod.

“We should...um....We should pick up that.” Jimin gestures at the mess you are standing amidst, the mess you had long forgotten the moment you had seen his face. You quickly bend down mentally chiding yourself and Jimin mirrors your act, gathering all the papers, the two of you careful to not even accidentally brush each other’s hand.

As you stand, he hands you the papers but doesn’t let go when you try to take them.

“I’m glad you came Y/n.” His voice is soft but you can’t tell if he’s happy to see you in particular or just anyone he knows in this unknown country. You tug the papers a little harder, subtly forcing him to let go and swallow nervously before answering, not meeting his eye.

“The car is this way.”

Jimin stares at you for a minute as you begin to walk away, disappearing in the crowd, before following. You keep discreetly glancing at him over your shoulder though, making sure you don’t lose him amongst these people but with the way his eyes are so carefully on you, you don’t think he’ll lose you at all.

When you reach the car, wordlessly the two of you haul the luggage in the boot and he sits in the passenger seat next to you as you take your place behind the steering. And the car moves forward, but there are no words being exchanged, no smiles, no laughters, no music playing, the windows aren’t rolled down. Instead all there is is the same silence that would have been there in the lack of human presence. Or when two strangers travel together.

You are only just getting accustomed to the unusual silence but it’s ruined before you can cherish it with the harsh ring of a phone call, the name of your boss flashing on the screen.

“Oh fuck.” Looking apologetically at Jimin for your choice of words, you hurriedly pick the call, forgetting for a moment that it’s attached to your car’s system and when the male voice booms through the speakers of the car Jimin looks utterly taken aback.

“Y/n.”

“Jin.”

“Ashley tells me you are at the airport. I only just remembered you took permission for the day off around last week.”

You briefly shut your eyes, annoyed that Jimin now knows your presence with him had been planned for a long time now. But he doesn’t seem to have noticed, going through his phone, probably taking it off flight mode to inform his worried mother about this safe arrival. It’s a stupid move, trying to look at his reaction because when you look ahead you are forced to slam the brakes as you notice the red signal and the cars aligned before you.

“Careful Y/n!” Jimin panics at your sudden act as you lean back, relieved that you were quick enough to avoid any damage with the car before you.

“Ah” Jin’s voice makes a return. “I see you have picked him up Y/n.” You can feel your knees shaking for some reason. “This must be Mr. Park.” And your heart beating faster once again. “The husband?”

You look straight ahead at the road, hands gripping the steering wheel a lot tighter than normal. Yet you can feel Jimin’s eyes on you and his throat move the same way as yours. But you say nothing.

Jimin blinks slowly before nodding pointlessly, his voice leaving him like an uncertain croak. “Yeah.”

“Well then my dear boy, I hope you know how fortunate you are to have a life partner as lovely as Y/n. She’s stubborn, oh yes. She’s unnecessarily stubborn, over thinks a lot more than necessary, can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. But she’s a sweetheart. An absolute gem of a person.”

It’s not your senior’s words that affect you. It’s Jimin’s reply to it. “I know.”

“So, do take good care of her young man. Get her to strain a little less at work. The poor woman hasn’t smiled in days.”

Jimin nods again. “I’ll do my best.”

“Now that’s like my boy!... and Y/n?”

“Yes sir?”

“Take your time with that report. I know your husband’s home after a long time and you’ll have…things you need to catch up on.” He snickers making your insides squirm uncomfortably. “I shall see you after the weekend. Take care and…have fun.” The noise of his laughter echoes in the car before he cuts the call.

Jimin doesn’t meet your eye after that for a long time. He pretends like he’s fascinated by London’s right hand driving unlike how he’s used to the left handed system in Seoul. You know though that though his eyes are on the road, his mind is not. Neither is yours anyway.

It takes another 45 minutes of silence to reach home. The home you had so far only shared with him financially. Now you had to share the same space as well. As you unlock the door and hold it open for him, Jimin walks in dragging his luggage behind, curiously looking around at the small but sufficient two story house which will now define his life.

You turn on the fans to get rid of the stuffy heat in the room.

Jimin places his suitcase by the couch.

You sit down on the couch.

He sits down across you.

You rub your hands together, not sure what else to do.

Jimin is tapping his foot looking around.

The awkward silence governs the place once more.

Jimin clears his throat a little too loudly. “Uh....It’s a nice place.”

You nod. “I was worried you wouldn’t like it because you didn’t see it before I bought it”

“Clearly that wasn’t a problem.” He looks up at the ceiling, observing the switched off lights. “I’ve always liked your choices anyways.”

It’s small things like this that he says that makes you hate his presence more. Things he lets out so casually without even thinking about how they might affect you. You think fast, trying to change the topic.

“I haven’t had the chance to fully furnish this place yet, I’ve been extensively busy the last three months so...”

“Oh that’s fine. I can help out now that I’m here.”

It would be a great help if you weren’t even here actually.

“So…this is the living room.” You point as his eyes follow your finger. “The kitchen is that way. There’s a back door over there too. and a small garage outside. The stairs lead up to the second floor, one half of which is an open terrace, and the other half has a bedroom with an attached bathroom, the other bedroom is down here.”

Jimin nods, walking to the edge of the stairs, looking up as you prepare yourself to make certain things clear to him. “This my bedroom and office room. It’s perhaps the most occupied as of now. I’ve got a lot of things stacked there the past three months. The bedroom upstairs is empty...as of now.”

As of now. You want him to understand without you having to say it. Without having to say, this my room. I sleep here. That is your room, you sleep there and so we stay like this. Like strangers.

You can’t make out if he’s understood or not. He’s just looking at his hands, his face expressionless as he lifts it and sees you. “Is there food in the house? I haven’t had anything since last night....”

Food? He wants food? How is he being so casual with you? Rather, why is he being so casual with you?

“I don’t cook.” You confess. “Or eat at home much as a matter of fact so there’s nothing....there’s a convenience store down the street. There’s ramen and a couple of other stuff available there.”

“Really?” He looks so happy at the thought of eating Korean food overseas. The fact that right now he is feeling completely opposite to what you are going through, annoys you. “That’s good. I’ll get us something then. What do you want to eat-”

“I’m not eating here.” You hate it. You hate how normal he’s being with you. Things are not normal anymore. The two of you cannot be like this with each other anymore. “I had brunch and I’ll have something at the canteen in my workplace.”

“You’re going back to work?” Jimin looks confused “I though your boss said-”

You get up, fists forming balls, unable to take his casual behavior with you anymore.

“My work is most important to me Jimin.” You can feel your gaze harden with a strange anger. “I left my family, a business empire, the place I grew up in, everything. I left everything for my work. I don’t prioritize anyone or anything over it. Ever.”

Jimin looks surprised by your words but he composes himself quickly and nods. He opens his mouth to say something, apologize maybe. But you don’t want to hear it. You turn around, walking away and stop at the entrance. “The store is that way, down the street turn right.”

Jimin gets up and walks behind you, shutting the door behind him. As you get into the car, he walks out of the gate wordlessly. No kisses, no goodbyes. Only two strangers walking away.

As you turn left at the end of the street, Jimin turns right walking away under the sun and you watch through the mirrors of your car, the distance between you getting bigger and bigger.

And like that summer turned into autumn.

Everything changed. The leaves turned into a beautiful orangish brown, fluttering along the wind. The weather got colder, the clouds, darker, and the day shorter. But nothing changed between Jimin and you. You both were still very much married, under the same roof but in different rooms, still like strangers.

For a week after Jimin’s arrival you barely made an effort to stay at home. You started spending more time in the labs, took responsibility for more experiments than you could handle, turned into more of a workaholic than ever. The few hours a day you came home, Jimin was either sleeping or he was out, roaming around clubs and bars like he used to back in the day. Though the few instances you were both at home at the same time, neither of you made an effort to talk to each other. You weren’t really avoiding or ignoring each other. Rather it was as though there was nothing to talk about. It was so strange in so many ways. Never in the last so many years did you and Jimin ever run out of things to talk about but here you were today, not even looking for excuses to converse.

Approximately two weeks later, Jimin took the decision to take over the family business. Since that day, it surprised you but he was around in the house for even less time than you were. Every morning you’d see him rush out dressed in formal suits, his laptop bag swung over his shoulder, still tightening his tie or putting on his cuff links as he hurried out. And when you came back he either not there or in his room taking some or the other conference calls.

You didn’t know why but Jimin’s attitude affected you. Even though he was doing the exact same thing you did all these days, his behaviour disappointed you. Because despite everything, despite how much you were distancing yourself from him, despite you not taking any effort to heal the fragile relationship between you two, somewhere deep down, you hoped at least Jimin would make an effort. You wished at least Jimin would try and talk to you. Even though you didn’t want to have a conversation with him or anything to do with him you wished he’d show some gesture that he cared, that all this means something to you.

But part of you was happy with how things were too, you didn’t want Jimin knowing how much this meant to you. You couldn’t imagine how much more complicated things would be then.

So since time waited for no one, days went by like that. Jimin didn’t making any efforts and so neither did you.

It is perhaps after this night that everything began to change.

It’s nearly two when you turn into your alley, switching off the headlights of your car. Usually at this time of the night, the lights of your house are the only ones on. Because unlike normal people who sleep, the dead of the night is your favorite companion to work with. Despite your absence, you expected the lights to be on, considering Jimin’s presence. But they’re not. Has he gone to sleep?

But Jimin always sleeps with a small light on. The dark windows of you house are suddenly making you feel peculiar.

Quickly turning into your garage, you park your car noticing Jimin’s car isn’t there yet. Hurrying a little you get out of your car and urgently tried to open the door to you house, only to find it unlocked. Opening it slowly, you step in carefully, fear gripping your heart with every step in the darkness. As you approach the sofa, you can hear the sounds of deep breathing and so you raise your laptop bag over your head and just before you smash it down you hear a familiar groan.

“Jimin?”

You quickly walk to the wall, flipping the switches on to see him sitting on the couch with his legs spread wide, tie loosened, blazer discarded by his side as his head rested back on the sofa.

“What the hell are you doing in the darkness Jimin, I got a fucking fright of my life.”

“I...uh….” He slurrs slowly stirring, pulling himself up. “I just….I probably fell asleep the moment I came....”

You frown a little at his voice. You can’t make out if he’s tired....or drunk. Jimin wasn’t really an alcoholic but his love for alcohol is not unknown to you. But he was working these days, so you thought he’d be staying away from all this for now. Did he get back into it?

“Jimin did you drink?”

“What? No, no I-”

“Where’s your car? And why didn’t you lock the front door?”

“Yoongi dropped me home today, I wasn’t feeling so good, I sort of just walked in and fell on the couch. I must’ve forgotten to lock the door.”

Though you want to give Jimin a long lecture of what the repercussions of leaving the door unlocked were, you didn’t think it was a good idea seeing how tired he was.

“I should go shower, I have calls to make later.” Jimin gets up, taking one, two steps forward before his knees gave away and you immediately catch him, arms around his waist.

“Jimin, careful!” He balances himself with his arm around your shoulder as you help him straighten out. “What’s wrong with you?” You look at how pale he looks and how his eyes keep threatening to roll back. “When did you last eat Jimin?”

“Last night.” He speaks slowly as your mouth parted in shock.

“What? Last night? You haven’t eaten anything since last night? It’s bloody 2 Am in the morning Jimin that’s over 24 hours, why didn’t you eat?”

“I was busy. I had meetings and other-”

“There’s no excuse you can give as reason greater than having your meal Jimin.”

“I know but I genuinely had no time, maybe that’s why I feel so weak.”

Helping him stand properly you instantly make up your mind, worried about him.

“Sit, I’ll make something.” You drop your laptop bag and files on the couch and roll up your sleeves, walking towards the kitchen. Jimin walks behind you.

“You don’t need to Y/n, you’re probably tired. I’ll-”

“I don’t need you fainting around the house in exhaustion-”

“It’s just till tomorrow morning, I’ll get something to eat-”

“Just sit. Please.”

Jimin knows you for long enough to know when to not argue with you so he silently sits on the stool by the kitchen bar table as you proceed to wash your hands and then scrounge the cupboards for any not expired, edible ingredients. Finding a few you align them, cleaning and chopping them away, trying to whip up something as soon as you can. But you’re so immersed in your work, you don’t see Jimin who leaning on the surface of the table, slowly shutting his eyes, tiredness tempting his body to fall asleep.

It’s only when you fully prepare the meal that you see the fast asleep man, head resting on a single outstretched arm, and sit down across him. You watch him breathing rhythmically, lost in his own dream world - a world you had always longed to be a part of. The bowl of ramen next to you is letting out steam, growing cold, but you can only find yourself thinking of how different things were, once more.....

“Open your mouth.” You are holding a piece of Gimbap with chopsticks, waiting for Jimin to eat it.

“I’m full Y/n!”

“One last bite~ please.”

“It’s the fifth time you are saying that now.”

“Jimin.”

“Y/n.”

“Please.” You pout.

“No.” He pouts.

You narrow your eyes at him as he looks up at you, his head resting on your outstretched legs as the two of you picnic under the cherry blossom tree. “Get up then.”

“No, I like it like this.” He resumes reading his book, lifting it, hiding his face from you.

“But you don’t like eating food I made?” You pull the book from his grip as he protests then lets out a sigh.

“As your best friend Yn, I’ll be honest, it’s my duty to be honest. The food you cook...it tastes pathetic Y/n-”

“What?!”

“-I honestly, pity the man fated to marry you-”

“How dare you Park Jimin?”

“-He’s going to have a really tough time-”

“Get up.”

“What?”

“Get up you idiot. I’m leaving.” You snap, pushing him away, as he laughs, sitting up. As you try to stand, huffing, he holds your hand, eyes looking at you earnestly.

“Hey, you know I’m kidding right?”

“I don’t care.” You roll your eyes but he pulls you harder, and you fall onto your back on the mat, and he lies down next to you.

“You know whoever you marry will be one of the luckiest people on the planet right?” He turns his head to you, a fond expression filling his face.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” You brush it off, but you can feel the heat rise in your cheeks.

“But just promise me on thing.”

“And what is that?”

“That you’ll never cook for him.”

“Jim-in!” You smack his chest but you’re laughing and so is he, the pink cherry blossoms gracefully falling around the two of you.

“Jimin?” You pat his hand as he slowly sits up, blinking multiple times. He looks at you yawning, then at the food on the table, the food that’s growing cold.

“Oh...I just closed my eyes for a minute.” He then sniffs the air and smiles. “Is that ramen?”

“Yeah.” You push the pot towards him, holding out chopsticks.

“And you?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I’m still not hungry” Lies. A lie that is caught immediately because your stomach lets out a very audible grumble. Your ears turn red, embarrassed, as Jimin looks at you, his eyebrow still up.

He stands up and grabs a pair of chopsticks that are lying on the kitchen counter and hands it to you. “This is too much for me. I don’t want to waste food.”

Lies again. Jimin can eat a feast’s worth of food when he’s hungry. This is nothing. It was hardly enough for one person.

But because your stomach is demanding it so badly, you take it from him and the two of you eat from the pot, only sounds of slurping filling the kitchen. Hunger is such a powerful thing. Within minutes there is nothing left, not even slight evidence that there was food in the vessel some time ago. The two of you have finished it clean.

You stand up and wash your utensils.

Jimin washes his.

You wipe your hands with the towel.

Jimin takes it after you and does the same.

Slowly the two of you leave the kitchen, you behind him as you switch off the light with a click.

Jimin walks towards the couch, takes his bag and blazer and turns to you. He doesn’t say anything.

And as usual, you don’t as well.

But time is ticking and sleep is coming and the sun is only a few hours away from rising.

“Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah, much. Thank you, Y/n.”

You nod. “I’ll just....I should go....” You point to your bedroom awkwardly and Jimin immediately agrees. “Yeah me too.”

He turns around and walks away, up the stairs, till he reaches the last step and you hear him mutter something. Something he perhaps didn’t wish you’d hear.

“Goodnight Y/n.”

You smile sadly at that. At how difficult it was to say something that simple out loud. But you find yourself whispering as well.

“Goodnight Jimin.”

And days went by like that.

Even though you both were as busy and uninteractive as before, both of you had somehow come to a small silent agreement.

The day after he fainted, you went to the supermarket and stored all your cupboards with proper edible items that you could cook with. That night you made Jimin a meal more decent than ramen and waited for him for long. It was a little stupid decision because you had no idea when he’d be back and you knew from how things have been the past few months that Jimin usually came home very, very late. The next morning you had somehow woken up in your bed, the last thing you remembered being, waiting for him in the dining room, perhaps sleeping on the table itself. When you confusedly came out of your room you noticed the house was silent which meant Jimin wasn’t here but on the table was a small note next to a glass of milk and a bowl of cereal.

“Dinner was amazing thank you Y/n but please, don’t wait up so late for me. Also I noticed you have a bad habit of not having breakfast, so here’s something for you. - Jimin”

You smile at the note a little, sitting down to eat what he laid out for you. Right before you left though you scribbled a small Thank you on a paper and left it at the exact same place for him to find.

And that soon became a routine. Every night you would make a simple dinner, keep his share aside with a small note with two words thanking him for breakfast and every morning you’d wake up to breakfast laid out for you, with a note thanking you for dinner. After a while, thanking each other like this was exhausting and silly but you both somehow made it a point to do it. It was the only form of interaction you had anyways and those two words said so many things to you.

If he scribbled it messily you could tell it was a long day for him and he’s tired. If there was an exclamation mark you could tell he was really hungry and actually really grateful for having dinner. On the rare days he drew a smiley, you knew the food tasted really nice. Once he drew a small heart though. You had no idea what that could have meant.

Sometimes he even left you messages. You remembered walking in one morning to see a longer note than usual.

“My office needed an eraser badly, taking one of your rubbery chickens to do the job. Loved dinner! Thank you.”

You genuinely laughed out loud at his message, quickly losing it to a realisation that even after being miles apart, despite everything, Jimin could still make you smile. Nevertheless, in response you scribbled back,

“I hope my chicken has served you well, meanwhile I have eaten so much cereal I’d could be called a serial killer.”

The next morning you met with a response that made you smile again.

“The chicken did it’s duty beyond expectations. Also I cannot believe you made such a horrible joke.. Here’s something to make you less of a murderer.”

And on the table was a plate with toast and jam and Jimin made you smile once more as you sat down to eat.

It is maybe two months or so after things are going this way.

You are quietly laying out dinner on the table for yourself one Friday night when you hear the front door being opened. When you glance at the clock it’s 12, too early for Jimin to come back home. But when the door opens it indeed is Jimin with a couple of bags in his hands as though he had shopped somewhere.

“You’re early today.”

He looks taken aback by your voice, not expecting your presence.

“And you’re later than usual.” He observes looking at the clock as he walks in.

“There’s a new project starting in the lab,” You walk into the kitchen and so does he. “I had some quotation work to submit.”

“You’re in charge of it?”

You nod, smiling at the thought. You were so happy when Jin asked you to finally take charge of one of the labs biggest, most important experiments ever. It was such an honour and you had been waiting for months for such an opportunity.

“That’s great Y/n. You worked so hard all these days, you totally deserve it.”

“Thank you Jimin. But what about you?”

“Well.” He sets down the bags on the kitchen bar table looking relieved. “My latest project just ended and so, no more extra hours to put in.” He smiles at you looking happy. “This is my first project since I took over but the best part is it also happens to be the biggest successful project the company has ever seen Y/n.”

“Jimin that’s amazing.” You lean over, elbows on the surface, standing across him. “I’m so happy and so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” He reaches out and holds your hand in his, slowly stroking the back of it with his thumb. “It would have been very hard if not for you.”

“Me? But I didn’t do anything-”

“I’m so thankful that you’re around. Despite eating in high end restaurants for lunch every day, I’m grateful to have your simple dinner when I come back home. I’m glad that because of you, there’s a home to come back to. It makes me happy that you’re my home Y/n.”

You gulp on nothing at his words. You don’t want to hear them. You don’t ever want to hear such words. Slowly you take your hand back from him as he lets it go, feeling a little awkward too and you clear your throat.

“What’s all this?” You look pointedly at the bags he placed on the counter.

“Oh that? Champagne. I thought today was worthy of a little celebration and luckily, you’re here too. We can celebrate together. A toast for the start of a great project and completion of another.”

The moment he suggests spending time together, you instantly want to say no. You don’t want to eat with him and most definitely don’t want to celebrate. You know that despite wanting to live with him as a stranger you went out of your way, making his meals for him and all that, but you were constantly worried. You were worried Jimin was going to get the idea that things were okay between you two and things were going to get better now. But you didn’t want anything to get okay, you didn’t want anything to change from how they currently were. It took a lot of strength and courage for you to reach the decision of keeping distance and you did want to maintain it. So this dinner was the worst idea there could be, you should have said no.

But you were happy today and so was he. You both were happy for your own reasons and just for tonight you thought maybe, just maybe it was okay. It was perhaps okay to forget everything for just one night and let loose and enjoy the aspects of his presence that made you happy. You wanted to forget for once that you were married, and how and why you were married, you wanted to forget everything and just enjoy with a man who had just as much reason to celebrate as you. So you look at him for a thoughtful second and nod slowly and Jimin smiles both happily and with relief.

“Not all of that isn’t champagne though.” He loosens his tie and rolls up his sleeves as he walks in to take out two glasses. You steer your eyes far away from him. “Some of them are cereal boxes, the household was running out of breakfast.”

You smile at his thoughtfulness as you slowly begin stacking the boxes in the cupboard, while Jimin cleans the barely used glasses.

“And that?” Other than the champagne bottle there is only one, a much fancier bag sitting on the counter that hardly looked like it came from a grocery store.

“Oh that, yeah I was meaning to talk to you about it. Why don’t you open it, I’ll be back.”

Jimin grabs the glasses and bottle walking away to the dining table as you slowly pull out a black box from the bag and lift its lid. By the looks of it, it’s a dress, a deep red one, the kind of colour Jimin always told you suited you the best and as you run your hand over it you could tell its beauty from the feel of the material under your fingers.

“Do you like it?” Jimin returns, leaning by the doorway.

“Yeah who wouldn’t, it looks beautiful but….why this…”

“There’s a celebration party tomorrow in the evening and everyone insisted on meeting you and I’d like it if they all know you too. I thought it would be nice to gift you something to wear on the occasion.”

“Jimin…” You hesitate not knowing how to tell him. “That...that’s sweet of you but I work on Saturdays, tomorrow is a working day for me and I’ve just been made in charge of a project I shouldn’t…..”

“Oh.” Jimin’s face falls but in an instant, he changes his expression. “It’s alright I totally get it….um work first, I know. It’s okay you can meet them all some other time, I hopefully will have many more successful projects like this.”

“You will Jimin, I know you will.”

“Anyways we have wine and dinner for tonight, this should be celebration enough.”

You nod slowly and apologetically as you close the box and put it back in its bag. Jimin walks into the dining room and as you follow and sit down on the chair he’s already pulled out for you. Being the over excited person he is, he shakes the bottle a little, before popping it open, spilling the drink everywhere.

“We have to clean all that you know.” You hand him the glasses, as he begins to pour into them, brushing away your concerns.

“There’s no point of champagne if we don’t do that.” He hands you a glass and takes one himself. “To me for finishing my first of many projects and to you for embarking on another of your many successful projects.” He raises his glass, clinking it with yours. “To us.”

“To us.” You carefully repeat and take a sip as Jimin downs the entire glass in a gulp.

“Oh god Jimin.” You roll your eyes at him, shaking your head, reminded of the wild sixteen-year-old rebellious Jimin. “I can’t believe you still drink alcohol like that.”

Jimin nods slowly swallowing it to the last drop. “Yeah, I do. Nothing’s changed Y/n, I don’t know why anything should.”

You look up, placing your glass down, wondering what he truly means as he avoids your eye. Was he talking about you? You hoped not. You were hoping this dinner wasn’t going to involve this sort of conversation, you didn’t want to regret this decision. But now he was bringing up whatever is between two of you. You should make it clear. You should tell him that yes, things had changed, they aren’t friends anymore and nothing was going to change them back to that. But Jimin doesn’t give you the chance to talk.

“Don’t worry Y/n, I just wanted to get a proper taste, it’s been a while since I’ve touched alcohol.” He sits down leaning back. “I can’t wait till tomorrow’s party is over, God I can’t wait to drink like a normal human again.”

“Normal humans don’t drink like you Jimin, please.”

Nodding in agreement and pouring himself another glass, Jimin laughs at that, and you instantly forget all you had to talk to him about.

And as the two of you ate and drank for over two hours that night, you didn’t remember the last time you talked to Jimin so much. It had been years. Years since just the two of you had such interactions and you loved every minute of it. You loved every minute you talked to Jimin. You loved everything he told you about his business and what he did, you loved it when he so keenly listened about all your experiments though you knew he didn’t understand anything. You told him all about how you found this house and he told you all about how he made little changes to it that you didn’t even notice.

Conversation was going so smoothly that for a while you really did forget everything. You forgot you were wedded and your relationship was barely a marriage. You forgot how for months together the both of you barely didn’t have a decent conversation. You forgot that now you were no longer those bickering teenagers who hung out together all the time. You forgot all this until dinner was over and there were no reasons left to continue conversation which meant, it was time to go. It was time for him to go to his room and for you to go to yours. That was when reality came crashing on you. That the last two hours of your life were a beautiful lie and now it was time to face the harsh reality. That this was a one-time thing and you weren’t going to allow it to happen again. That after tonight, despite whatever happened, nothing would change. You would still be strangers.

You look up at Jimin, preparing to tell him about this, but he beats you to the conversation.

“My ceiling is chipping off.” Jimin casually mentions as you stack the plates one above the other, clearing the table.

“What?” You look up confused, stopping your work.

“The fake ceiling? It’s plaster of paris is sort of cracking and falling apart, I was wondering if you had any contacts who could help me get it fixed.”

“You’re telling you were staying in a room where the ceiling could have potential just broken and crashed on you anytime, without a warning?”

Jimin blinks at you slowly. “….yes?”

“What the hell Jimin?” You look at him incredulously. “What if something had happened, what if it fell? Why didn’t you ask me before?”

“I…I don’t know….I didn’t get the chance to talk to you I guess.” You fall silent at his words. “Besides it only got worse today morning so I was meaning to talk to you about it tonight…which is now, so yeah, do you know anyone?”

“Yeah I do but it’s too late at night to get it fixed now.”

“I’ll get it done sometime over the weekend that’s okay-“

“And you’re going to stay there till then?”

Jimin nods his head and you let out a sigh.

“I don’t know how you are handling a business so big Jimin when you’re so dumb-“

“-Hey!-“

“Why in the world would you stay there after knowing its dangerous?-”

“Where else am I supposed to go?!-”

“This is no hut Jimin! It’s a proper, big two storey house are you telling me you’ve got no place-“

“Well, to sleep there’s only one other bedroom genius!-“

“Then go sleep there, you idiot!”

Jimin stutters at that and lowers his voice. “You sleep there. That’s your room.”

You fall silent along with him as he looks at you for a whole minute in deep thought then turns away.

“Look Y/n, it’s alright I-“

“Fine.”

“What?” Jimin is actually taken aback.

“Till your ceiling gets fixed you can sleep in my room.” It was a matter of a couple of days. You couldn’t prioritise Jimin��s safety over your stubbornness or relationship or whatever the whole deal and complication was.

“And you?” Jimin squinted, frowning a little in worry.

“I’ll sleep in kitchen.” You roll your eyes, walking away from the table taking the dishes with you. “Of course, I’ll sleep in my room Jimin, where else will I go?”

“With me?” You hear the sound of the chair moving backwards as you set the dishes in the sink, back facing him. Taking a deep breath, you nod.

“Yeah. With you.” You turn around to see him walking into the kitchen with the rest of the things in his hand. “If you don’t mind that is.”

“No, no! Of course not, besides….” Do not say we’ve done this multiple times Jimin. Don’t say it, not now. “It is your room.”

You purse your lips and nod. “Yeah, well, so that’s settled then.”

What you thought was a matter of just a dinner, just extended to a couple more days. But genuinely though, you didn’t mind. Health, safety and all of those sorts of things first. That’s why even though you were worried all those dinners gave Jimin the wrong idea, you didn’t mind. It gave you peace knowing he had at least proper meal a day. You could make things go back to what they were once everything was sorted. You could resume your general routine of being strangers once everything was alright again.

“I’ll help you clear up those.” Jimin steps up offering to do the dishes, but you stop him.

“No, that’s okay I’ll do it. You should go shower.” You know Jimin couldn’t sleep at night without showering. “I should be done here by the time you finish and then I’ll use the bathroom. Time will be saved that way because it’s getting late, I have work tomorrow.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, go.”

Jimin slowly leaves the kitchen nodding and you hear his footsteps getting softer and softer, finally allowing your tense shoulders relax and you let out the breath you had been holding.

Did you do the right thing? Propping your elbows on the surface, you half buried your face in your hands, pushing your fringes back. You just allowed Jimin to stay with you, in the same room. How did you go from barely seeing each other to living in same space, overnight? Why did this even happen? You had no idea how this was going to complicate things. After those conversations over dinner today and now this arrangement you had no idea how close you’d have to get to him and how much harder it will be now to go further. But like you thought before, if that meant he was safe, then maybe you could once more overlook and forget for now, what the repercussions all this meant.

After washing up quickly, silently you head to your room, calculating that by now Jimin must have finished showering and perhaps already gone to sleep so you confidently go into your room, not expecting to have to interact with him again. When you enter the room though, he is standing by the window with his back faced to you, talking softly on the phone, turning around at the sound of you opening the door. Quickly looking away you walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you, feeling nervous all over again. Sure, you had a long, casual two hour dinner and conversation with Jimin, and just sleeping in the same room as him should be no big deal. Sure, you had done this multiple times when you were young – sharing a bed, sleeping in his clothes, often with your limbs tangled under the sheets and now just lying down on the same bed shouldn’t be any different.

But it is. He wasn’t just a friend now, he was your husband, a man you married and all this seemed way too domestic now and that was exactly what you couldn’t have happening.

Washing your face, hoping to wash away your confused thoughts with it, you step out, and see that he’s lying on the bed now, his side of the lights switched off allowing you to see only a silhouette of his frame. You breath a sigh of relief, glad that at least further interaction could be avoided now and step into your wardrobe, changing into your pajamas when you hear him.

“You called my mother.”

“What?” You call out from inside, stripping out of your shirt.

“My mother called me after a long time today, said she heard about me nearly fainting and all that.”

“She called and asked.” You remember how the very next day after that night, his mother had called to inquire about the two of you. It was a true mother’s instinct. From all the way across the world she could sense her son wasn’t doing well. ‘He’s never had to struggle like this before Y/n, help him out. He needs you.’ That’s what she said and that’s what you did.

“How did she know I wasn’t doing well?”

“She’s your mother. She loves and cares for you. Of course she-“

“And you?”

You stop halfway through as Jimin’s question takes you aback. “What about me?”

“Do you?” If he was right in front of you, you know he would be looking you straight in the eye. Maybe then you would know which Jimin was asking this question. The man who is your husband or the man who was your friend? “Did you do all this, all these dinners and notes and coming to the party and all, was it because of love…. or responsibility?”

“I don’t understand.” You slip into your pyjamas quickly.

“Of course you do, if you weren’t smart enough to then you would never become a scientist.” You hear him let out a small laugh as you step out of the wardrobe, looking towards him keenly. “You’re a daughter Y/n and your father’s business needed to be saved, so you married me. I’m a son and my father’s business needed an heir and so despite how much I hate this corporate world, here I am doing it. We both are doing our responsibility as the children of our parents. But the woman who called to ask about me, my mother, she didn’t do it out of duty or responsibility…..that was out of love…..Y/n, it’s either love or responsibility that drives our actions and our decisions. Which one was it for you?” You stop by the mirror, looking at him through the reflection, still only seeing darkness. “All this….was this love or responsibility?”

“What kind of a silly question is this Jimin?” You go on to do your skincare routine, trying to avoid his question, but Jimin is persistent.

“Love or responsibility Y/n?”

You take a deep breath, turning around towards him. “Look Jimin, I don’t know what you want right now okay, but your mother specifically asked me to take care of you when you came here because you’re away from home for the first time, this is a new place and all, so of course I can’t have you fainting around the house because you can’t eat a meal on time-“

“So it was responsibility?” You can feel Jimin looking at you intently. “You’re doing this because my mom asked you to?”

“Yes…I mean no…I’d do it even if she didn’t, to be honest-“

“So it’s love?”

You stare at Jimin into the darkness not knowing what he wants.

You understand though, why he suddenly has so many questions – it’s because you let him have them. Because having this dinner with him like this today meant that you let him. Allowing him to stay here with you meant you let him. You subtly told him it was okay and that maybe things were getting better, that either things were changing or could change. But nothing was going to change. You couldn’t have things getting anymore complicated than they were. When you had decided to maintain distance, why didn’t you follow it? What did you attempt to mend the bridges and cover the distance, showing him that you cared?

“No. You’re right. It’s responsibility. But not just because your mother asked me but even for the sake of humanity. If we are living together then I think it’s natural for me to have to care for you. Does this answer your question?”

Jimin lets out a short laugh and turning to lie on his back. “I thought so.”

A silent minute passes by.

“And you?” You rubbed cream onto your hands, casually sliding the question. “What were those breakfasts for? Was that love or responsibility?”

Jimin is quiet for a bit. “I don’t think they are different things. Love and responsibility.”

You roll your eyes and start to walk towards the switches. “That literally was the easiest way to avoid giving an answer.”

“Responsibility.” Jimin calls out after you, as you switch off the remaining lights with a click. “If you want an honest, proper answer, then it’s responsibility…..”

“I thought so.” You reply, pulling the curtains shut, back facing him but he whispers something. You might have heard wrong. But he says something, something that sounded a lot like. “…..And love.”

When you turn around surprised, he’s turned around too, back facing you, not saying anything anymore. As you slowly slip into the covers, wondering if he’s asleep and if you should ask him if he actually said that, you hear him.

“Good night Y/n.”

You remember the last time you heard him say that, rather how you barely heard him say that. How things have changed since then. They need to go back there, you couldn’t have this happening, they need to go back to being distant. So you turn, back towards him and shut your eyes.

“Good night Jimin.”

The next evening you found yourself standing outside the hotel address you got from Jimin’s secretary all dressed appropriately for his success party – hair in a sleek bun, a floor length dress and slightly painful heels.

You thought about everything a lot since the morning. Sure, work was important but this was Jimin’s first success party. All his employees, everyone would be there. It would barely look nice for him to go alone when they all especially knew he was married. But you had just taken over the project yesterday and it would give a terrible impression to take a leave the very next day. What kind of view would that give your subordinates, what if they start seeing you as a slacker? And you bounced back and forth until you finally came to a decision.

You couldn’t let him go like that, the question was more than about sentiments it was about reputation as well. Reputation of both families and the company. Your presence there was important, you had to go.

When you looked for Jimin to tell him in morning expecting to see him the house now that he was more free, you didn’t find him. Instead on the dining table was the usual bowl of cereal and milk and a note.

“I really did enjoy last night Y/n. Thank you for being there. If you want to then maybe we can do this again sometime.”

You frowned at it. No. You couldn’t do this again. Yes you did enjoy last night, you enjoyed it like you enjoyed every minute you spent with Jimin all these years. But unlike before, these days things seem to have to come to an end and it was always an end that gave pain. You couldn’t let yourself keep walking down that road. Maybe deciding to go to the party was a wrong idea after all.

But here you are, slowly following the way to Jimin’s party hall, telling yourself this isn’t about you and him but the Park family and it was just a matter of one more night. It went from one dinner, to one night of sharing the same room as him, to another night of putting up the act of being his better half. One more pretense couldn’t hurt, you’d talk to him about keeping distance once this was over, you were sure you would.

Stopping right at the large entrance seeing the hundreds of people there, your social anxiety suddenly kicks in, telling you that you can turn back right now, you can go back to the lab and do your own work, alone, in silence. You can avoid interacting people and talking and all those things that made you fearful but you were here for not as a wife, not as a friend but the co-owner of the company and so you decide to stay.

Walking in towards the gathered crowd you realize that Jimin is standing in the middle of them all addressing them, thanking them for their efforts.

“……and you have all made this possible today. It’s not the company’s or it’s owners achievement. It’s the result of each and every one of your hard work and dedication. So thank you so much for everything and……” He trails off as his eyes fall on you while scanning the crowd and he breaks into a wide smile. “And there’s someone else who cannot be missed.” He walks towards you, ignoring your slight shakes of the head asking him not to draw the attention to you as he holds you by the hand pulling you to the center, next to him, hand around your waist.

“Meet my wife everyone, Mrs. Park Y/n, one of biggest pillars of support and one of my best friends in the whole world.” You try to make your smile seem as happy as possible but you didn’t think you could. Not when your heart was shattering knowing that what he said isn’t true anymore. As everyone claps for you and then disperses as Jimin announces that dinner is being served, he turns towards you, smiling brilliantly.

“I’m so happy you came Y/n.”

“I wanted to tell you in the morning but you left before I was even up.”

“I had arrangements to do for the party so….” You see him glance over at your dress, a periwinkle blue evening gown which was one of your absolute favourites.

“I wanted to wear the dress you bought but-“

“It’s okay Y/n, no pressure –“

“It didn’t fit me. I couldn’t get it altered in time so-“

“Really? I thought I had the size right?” Jimin looks thoughtful. “Tight or loose?”

“Tight.” You mumble as Jimin smiles a little.

“Someone putting on a little weight huh?”

“I blame you and your breakfasts.” You snap back and Jimin laughs throwing his head back, letting you hear what you always thought was one of the most beautiful sounds ever.

“Don’t even get me started about your dinners then.”

“Oh yeah,” You narrow your eyes at him. “Say something about my dinners, I dare you, Park Jimin.”

Jimin pretends to be scared as he hands you a glass of champagne and holds your hand, walking with you. “Oh no, I have no interest in dying so soon Y/n, I need to survive through this party.”

“After the party then.” You take a small sip. “Maybe over another dinner and a glass of wine.”

Jimin smiles widely, understanding your reply to his note in the morning, squeezing your hand gently. “I’d love that.”

And once again you messed up.

Once again, lost in the moment you shared with him you forgot you were not supposed to lead him on or give him any ideas of things becoming normal between you two. You didn’t want to have another dinner with him, you didn’t even want the first one. But here you were, silent once more, just because he was happy, just because he smiled and once again for him, you seem to be willing to shatter your heart.

You walk around with him hand in hand, talking to everyone as you stand by his side. Jimin is careful of you the entire time. He knows how you feel around crowds, how anxious and nervous you get, so he doesn’t make you talk to more than a few people at a time. He introduces you to everyone though, the words - My wife Park Y/n - in his voice are ringing through your ears the entire night. It feels surprisingly nice though, to have a reason to be out here next to him and allow yourself to pretend everything was normal. Maybe that’s why you weren’t saying anything. Because deep down, somewhere you wanted this normal relationship with him too despite forcing yourself to stay away from him. You want him but you push yourself away knowing you can’t have him, and Jungkook’s arrival confirms exactly that for you, crumbling everything between you and Jimin, pushing the reset button of your relationship.

“You’re looking for someone?” You watch as Jimin constantly has his eyes on the entrance.

“Huh?” Jimin turns to you. “Yeah, yeah Jungkook is coming.”

Jungkook, a really good friend of Jimin. After you left to London, Jimin often told you he only had Jungkook with him there. Since the two of you were a part of Jimin’s life at very different time periods, you had never met Jungkook but you were always thankful that unlike you, after you shifted to London at the age of 16, Jimin never found himself alone. After a few years though, Jungkook had left the city because of his own personal reasons but had kept in touch with Jimin regularly, until recently, before he left for the army.

“He said he’d be here around 10,” Jimin looks at his wrist watch. “but it’s half past and he’s still not here.”

“Maybe he’s still busy at work?”

“No no, he promised he’d come, and not for me that too, for you.”

“For me?”

“He’s been wanting to meet you for a while now, keeps getting mad that I didn’t invite him to the wedding all…..” Jimin trails off as you understand. “Anyways, if he’s not here I’ll make sure he-“

“Guess we will never find out because JK is already here.” Jimin turns around to see Jungkook standing right behind as his face lit up and he hugs the younger man.

“Kookie thank fuck!” He laughs pulling back. “I was scared you wouldn’t come.”

“Of course I was coming, just got stuck in the traffic and some issues but well, well who do we have here?” Jungkook turns towards you smiling. “Mrs.Park, Jimin always told me you were very beautiful and he couldn’t be more right.”

You turn slightly surprised towards Jimin, hoping he wouldn’t see the slight blush on your face but your eyes meet his faltering smile.

“Kookie,” Jimin starts with a soft voice you could barely hear. “This is my wife, Park Y-“

“Thank you Jungkook. Jimin’s told me a lot about you too.” You look at the both of them, though still not understanding why Jimin seemed tensed to you.

“Has he now? All good I hope, after all after Y/n, it’s only me who was with him to listen to all the nonsense that comes out of his mouth.”

You frown a little as he goes on. Why is he referring to you in third person when you were right before him? You want to ask him but Jungkook goes on.

“So tell me Karen, how is it being married to Park Jimin?”

And at that point everything makes sense. Jimin’s faltering smile, his tensed look, everything makes sense because he realised this was coming. Jimin immediately steps up putting his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. “Her name is Y/n. Park Y/n.”

Jungkook looks confused as his eyes flicker between you and Jimin as Jimin looks at him pointedly.

“Jungkook, since you’ve just arrived, how about you go ahead and grab a drink, we’ll join you soon.”

Jungkook nods understandingly, shooting you an apologetic look as he walks away into the crowd. Jimin immediately turns to you, holding your hand.

“Y/n I’m sorry he had no idea….He only knew I got married, he didn’t know it was you, I couldn’t contact him much from the army and-“

“Jimin.” You clear your throat, not in a state to listen to him. “I’m sorry I’m not feeling too well-“

“Y/n, please, it was-“

“I don’t want to hear anything right now Jimin!” You contain yourself from being loud. “Look, my head hurts and you know I don’t feel comfortable in environments like this. I’ve had more than I can handle tonight, I’m sorry but I should leave.”

“Okay, I’m coming, just give me a minute-”

“No you’re not.” You pull your hand out of his grip. “I’m taking a cab home. You can return whenever you’re done with your party.”

“At least listen to me once Y/n-“

You ignore his words turning around and walking away, as you know he’s watching you and watching as once more, circumstances start putting distance between you two again. Half teary eyed you stand outside the hotel, desperately trying to hail a cab and finally getting into one. Sitting behind you lean back, looking out of the window remembering when you first heard the name Karen.

You are sitting down next to Jimin at the dining table, both of you bickering not like you usually did but more seriously arguing in hushed tones this time.

“Jimin we need to talk.”

“What is it?”

“Not here. I need you step out with me.”

Jimin looks around the table at the members of both your and his family. “Y/n, how are we to leave when everyone is already sitting-“

“It doesn’t matter, it’s urgent.”

“Then you should have said something earlier, before we all came and sat-“

“I called you about 20 times since last evening. Why didn’t you pick up then?”

“My phone was dead for majority of the time Y/n, and I thought since anyway we were meeting today we could talk. Let’s talk after dinner-“

“We can’t Jimin. There’s no point of saying anything after this dinner, after your parents make the announcement. Please, I just need to talk for a bit-“

“So you know what my parents are going to announce today?” Jimin looks at you both surprised and curious. “What is it Y/n, why have they gathered us all-“

“Exactly I’ll tell you all about if you just step out with me-“

“There’s someone at the door.” Everyone stops murmuring across the table immediately, turning towards the butler standing at the entrance as Jimin gets up.

“I think I know who it is.” You can see the nervousness in him. “Just give me a minute.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. For real? All the while you asked him to leave with you and he refused, but he got up and left for whoever this person is? Who is this person?

Jimin answers your question instantly by walking back with a girl, who stood meekly behind him. Other than the fact that she seemed slightly shorter, you couldn’t help but notice how strikingly similar to you she looked. Her hair, her skin, her dressing style, everything. But who is she?

Jimin slowly holds her by the hand bringing her next to him as he uncertainly clears his throat.

“Everyone, meet Karen, my girlfriend, the woman I love and the one I wish to marry.”

And for the second time that week, your world comes crashing, shattering around you.

“We’re here miss.” The taxi driver calls out to you, forcing your eyes open. Paying him you step out, walking through the front gate and the door to your house, all the way up the stairs into your bedroom. Quickly stripping out of your dress and throwing it aside, you fall back into the sheets of your bed, the tears you are holding back starting to leak out of your eyes.

Karen.

Jimin’s girlfriend for 2 years. The woman Jimin loves. Deep down you knew she’d be back in your life and relationship. Truth was, she never was third person here, you were. You never wanted to and you never thought you’d come between her and Jimin but fate had different plans. And that very fate was reminding you again what a miserable story it had written for you. A story of distance. Tonight had reminded you about everything again.

Marrying him had changed everything. The relationship between you two and the expectations you had from it, everything had changed. You weren’t best friends Jimin and Y/n anymore, you were now Mr. and Mrs. Park. The friendship between you two was gone, replaced by a relationship you both weren’t able to accept whole heartedly. You were in love with Jimin yes, all your life but he was in love with another and he could never be yours the way you wanted him to. If Jimin knew how you felt, you knew he would try. He would at least try to love you back like you did, but you didn’t want love as charity or pity. You didn’t want his love in return for yours, you wanted him to love you as you. But he didn’t. He never did. Not before being married to you and not after either. And after becoming his wife, knowing he didn’t see you as one, broke your heart. It really did break your heart to see that Jimin still saw you as a friend. That day, after three months when he met you at the airport, it was evident. Nothing had changed for Jimin like it did for you. You were still his best friend for him but you didn’t want to be that anymore. You couldn’t bear knowing that for him you were no more than a friend. You thought it would hurt less to stay away from him than realise this fact every day by staying with him. That’s why you put distance. That’s why you decided to staying with him as strangers did under the same roof. It was the only way you were together, yet not forcing each other to engage in any relationship that neither of you wanted to be in. Not friendship and not marriage.

You questioned it sometimes though, especially ever since you both started making meals for each other. Whenever Jimin’s notes made you smile, you really thought what you were doing was dumb. The last many years you had lived being his friend, knowing he didn’t love you like you did and when you were okay with it then, then why not now? You could at least be close to him for some or the other reason. Dinner last night made you question yourself even more and that’s why maybe even though you thought tons of times yesterday night about talking to Jimin about keeping distance, you never really could do it. Because deep down you didn’t want to stay away from him. But tonight just told you, you were right, you weren’t dumb. Keeping distance was the right thing. Just for a few seconds of smiling you couldn’t have your heart breaking again and again. Tonight, everything was going to end.

Or so you thought.

Suddenly there’s a crash outside and you instantly sit up, worried at the noise. Quickly pulling your night gown over your almost bare body, you rush down the stairs to see Jimin slowly walking in, stumbling a little as the vase near the entrance lies shattered by the door.

“Jimin, are you drunk?” You walk towards him cautiously, frowning a little.

“Tipsy.” He claims as he walks in, tripping over his own feet. You rush to catch him, as he relaxes his head on your shoulder, clearly more than just tipsy. Walking him to the sofa, you help him sit and proceed to go to the kitchen when he grabs your hand.

“Jimin, let me go-“

“Stay with me Y/n.”

“I’m going to get you water, you need it, let go Jimin-“

“I don’t need water, I need you.” Jimin sighs. “Stay Y/n please….It’s been so long. So long since you and I…..I want my best friend back. I want those days back when we used to hang out and talk and laugh together. I want to see you all the time like I used to before, I want us to be us again. Why did things change Y/n? Why have we become this?”

“I….” You breathe out exasperated. “Let’s not talk about this now Jimin, not when you’re like this-“

“But we’ve been living together for months when I was sober, why didn’t we talk about it then?”

“Why are you asking me this question now? Why didn’t you ask then?”

“Because I wanted to believe nothing had changed. I wanted to believe that the two of us were genuinely too busy to be with each other than trying to become busy so we don’t have be with each other. I wanted to believe that the friendship between us is still there but I saw it today Y/n, it’s not there. We don’t understand each other like we used to, we don’t talk or share or do anything like we used to. I don’t understand what we’ve become and why, I just………I just can’t find any answers.”

You love Jimin but he loves another. This relationship and marriage between you two was a failure from the start, that’s why the two of you are like this. That is the answer. As simple and as complicated as that.

You open your mouth to tell him but he stops you. “But at the same time, I don’t want any explanations either. I don’t want to know, I don’t want you to tell me. Because can’t you see how I am without knowing why things between the two of us are like this? Can you imagine how I’ll be when I know why? My heart tells me I can’t handle it. So don’t explain anything.” He finally looks up at you, his eyes a little glassy. “Please.”

You stare back at him, a sense of hopelessness and fatigue taking over. He looks away as though he cannot bear to look at you anymore, leaving you helpless, not knowing what to do. You sit down across him on the tea table, a little far yet near him and the two of you once more begin to search for words in the silence.

“But you need to know Jimin. It’s my fault. It’s my fault for not telling you from the beginning. You need to know why it’s so important for us to keep away-“

“I don’t want to keep away Y/n! I never wanted to. You want to. It was your choice, your decision, your actions, everything is about you. Did you think about me? About how I felt about this distance? About how I felt losing my best friend?-“

“We aren’t best friends anymore Jimin.” You get up, annoyed that he was bringing it up again and again. “We aren’t and you know that.”

“But why not Y/n, why did that change? Why did changing our relationship status from single to married have to change anything between us? You and I were always friends, why can’t we still be that?” Jimin makes you sit again, holding your hand. “Nothing had changed for me when you became Mrs.Park Y/n. I still love and care about you like I used to, but it’s changed for you. I don’t know why but if you wanted me to know about it then you would have told me so I trust you enough to believe whatever you are doing has reasons important enough but I just want one favour in return of these months of silence you’ve created…..I can’t do this anymore Y/n. I tried, this whole staying away from you, not talking, not sharing, I can’t do this anymore, it hurts me way more than I can bear to stay away. I want you back, I want my best friend back, Please, help me Y/n.” He leans forward, burying his head at the crook of your shoulder. “Please come back to me.” He whispers, eyes falling shut, hands still holding yours.

You had no idea.

You had no idea Jimin was going through all this. All these days you only thought about you. Your pain, your feelings, your side of the story. You never thought about how he felt. How it felt to not marry the one he loved, to lose his best friend overnight, to be left all alone to manage an entire empire at such a young age and come back home to silence and emptiness. You had no idea how hard it was for him because you were so selfish. You claimed to love him but you didn’t think about him at all. What kind of love was that? Please Y/n. You can still hear the desperation in his voice. He really was lonely. All because of you.

It didn’t matter if you were hurt. It didn’t matter if it meant he was happy. That was what love was after all. This distance between you made no sense anymore.

Carefully helping him to his feet, you put his arm around your shoulder, as you walk him to your bedroom. Gently helping him lie down, you remove his shoes and pulled the covers over him, watching him curl under them as he drifted to sleep. Switching off the lights you lie down on the other side beside him, watching him, breath deeply in his slumber.

He really was right. You were being selfish and dumb. Why did you think marrying Jimin had to change anything between you two? Why did you have to think so much at all? Look at where it left you. With even less than you had before. In the disappointment of not being able to have Jimin’s love you lost his friendship too, something that you always had with you and promised to always keep. You could still be friends, you could still be the Jimin and Y/n you were before if you stopped being stubborn, and maybe, it was time to stop.

Jimin turns to face you, reaching out for your hand, eyes still shut, as he grips it in his hand like he used to before, whenever he was worried and needed you around.

“Stop looking at me and stop thinking so much. Just sleep Y/n.”

You blink at him, shutting your eyes, listening to him wholeheartedly for once as you hold his hand, whispering. “Good night Jimin.”

As he replies you can practically hear the smile in his voice. “Good night Y/n.”

The entire of the next two weeks, winter got harsher by the minute but there was a new-found warmth between you and Jimin.

The morning after everything when you woke up Jimin was still lying down next to you, hand still in yours. As the sunlight falls on your faces, he stirs awake and you look away as though for the last ten minutes you hadn’t been looking at him. Slowly he lets your hand go as he rubs his eyes and you are instantly disappointed by the emptiness you feel. You sit up, pulling your hair into a bun, casually initiating conversation.

“You were pretty drunk last night.”

“I wasn’t.” Jimin words take you aback as you turn around to look at him. “I wasn’t even close to drunk.”

“Yeah, I mean you were tipsy, whatever.”

“No.” He sits up, adjusting himself in a way he’s sitting on his side of the bed, facing you. “I wasn’t tipsy either, I was pretty damn sober.”

“Liar.” You get out of bed, arranging the pillows. “I could tell by how you spoke that-“

“I said it sober.” His voice is serious. “I remember every word I said, and I meant every word I said.”

You stare at Jimin who also gets up, arranging the sheets. “Y/n, I mean it when I say I want things between us to go back to normal. And when I say normal I’m not talking about what you decided was ‘normal’ the past few months. I’m talking about how we were for years till now, as friends, best friends. That sort of normal. I want us to at least try if not -“

“Okay.”

It’s Jimin’s turn to be surprised. Perhaps he thought it would take you a lot more convincing to agree.

“You’re right, all this for so long was stupid and unnecessary, nothing has and should change between us right?”

Jimin smiles, happier than most days you had seen him, even happier than when he finished his first project. But it fades a little. “So, will ever you tell me why something did change in between?”

You smile sadly at that, shaking your head. “Something’s don’t need to be told Jimin and if you couldn’t understand without me telling you, you won’t understand even if I do tell you.”

Jimin frowns a little but quickly shakes it off, “Fine, whatever you wish. I’m just glad that things are okay between us now.” You nod as he smiles wider. “How about you go shower first, because you are a crazy person who works on Saturdays and need to leave for work, and I’ll get breakfast ready.”

He leaves the room as you agree when you call him out from behind. “Jimin!”

“Hmm?” He pokes his head in.

“Be honest, you were tipsy weren’t you?”

“Slightly.” He grins sheepishly and you laugh, walking away to shower.

That day was perhaps one of the happiest days of your life.

You sat in the morning eating breakfast together with Jimin, talking and laughing about last night’s party and his colleagues. As you left to work he asked you to come home soon, forgetting you only worked only half a day on Saturdays. When you did come home in the afternoon though, he wasn’t there and you had no idea where he went. About an hour later he returned with bags full of groceries and things making a disappointed face and whining as he saw you, “I didn’t mean so early! This was supposed to be a surprise.”

As the both of you decided to make the dinner he originally planned to cook alone, you realised he bought everything but meat – the main ingredient - making you laugh at him and his stupidity as he threw himself into the couch annoyed at himself. By the end of the night, the groceries were all stowed away in the fridges and cupboards as the both of you settled down in front of the television with 2 boxes of Chinese take out and a long awaited show.

“I can’t believe you didn’t watch season 6 of Friends yet Y/n.”

“It’s not like you did either Jimin!”

“Yeah well, it’s our show, something we always saw together! I tried but it just wasn’t the same. I couldn’t watch it without you.”

You smiled at that. “Then how was I supposed to watch it without you, you idiot.”

And that’s how that night, the entire season 6 of Friends played non stop on the television but the two of you didn’t watch it that night either, falling asleep, curling up in the couch, exhausted and stomachs aching with how much you laughed that night.

And things were like that for quite some time. With Jimin’s project completing he was free and looked forward to spending time with you and even though your project was reaching its high point, you didn’t do much late nights anymore. You were more than loyal to your work, submitting and completing everything on time but you were more efficient now. You didn’t look forward to staying back late at night, spending more time than needed in the labs. These days, you found yourself looking forward to going home. More than you or Jimin though, Jin was happy about this development, encouraging you and sometimes teasing you for wanting to run back home to your husband as soon as possible. It wasn’t your husband you were going back for, it was your best friend.

For over a month, things were this way. Everything was fine, Jimin and you were doing great. You were having meals together, hanging out around the city more often, trying to finish the remaining seasons of Friends, hitting pubs and clubs - in fact, you did all those things that you never had the chance to do with him before. After your mother died when your father insisted on moving to London, you were separated from Jimin at the peak time of your friendship. After that other than keeping in touch with him via mails, you only saw him during the summer vacations, for those two mere months to make up for a years worth of friendship like you had for all those years now. Your last summer vacation changed everything. It changed him from your best friend to you husband.

You didn’t think the whole idea of being best friends like you were before was going to be easy and sure enough, it wasn’t. With the two of you being married now, there were times when it did get awkward. Like when the two of you went to church on Sunday and were blessed by an old woman there for being the most beautiful pair of husband and wives she had ever seen. Or when you were at the restaurant that one night and were voted as the lucky couple. Whenever the subject came to the marriage between you two, there was tension of course.

Or when the topic about Karen was breached. These were the two times the awkwardness between you two was thick and obvious.

For Jimin though, it disappeared in an instant. For him, his relationship with the woman he loved, his wife and his best friend were different. He never let them mingle, he always kept them apart. But for you, your best friend your husband and the man you loved were the same, it was nearly impossible to keep them distant, yet you tried. Because it meant he would be happy you tried. And it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would though. Maybe because every time it felt painful, you remembered his smile and healed yourself. That was love after all.

And things went on and on that way as winter got harsher and harsher.

And then you destroyed everything again.

Unlike how it’s silent before a storm, the last two days had been extremely happening for you.

You walk around the house making sure all the preparations were done and perfect, Jimin is doing the same. Except he’s more tensed than you. It was funny how he was calling out at you for being the tensed one, two nights ago….

“You look tensed.” Jimin notices the moment he walks into the room as you sit on the couch by the fireplace of your room, pinching the bridge of your nose in worry. You look up as he comes and sink further into the softness, shutting your eyes.

“Just tired.”

“Tough time at work?” You can hear him put his bag down and throw his coat on the bed.

“Yeah, something like that.”

You expect to next hear the bathroom door open as he leaves to freshen up, instead you feel his hands on your head, pressing softly as he stands behind you, making your eyes fly open.

“Jimin, it’s okay-“

“Shh. You’ll feel better.” He softly pushes your hair back, gently massaging. “You used to do the same after my games.”

“And you used to fall asleep.” You smile, letting your eyes shut again.

“Mhmm, and so should you. It’s quite late at night.”

“I can’t.” You whine. “I have work.” You hold his hand, making walk around the couch, bringing him in front of you. “And there’s something we need to talk about.”

Jimin looks worried as he sits across you, “What’s wrong?”

You clear your throat. “Jin requested for business purposes that I organise a Christmas party in our house and…..I said okay?”

“And?”

“And what?” You raise your eyebrows confused.

“That’s it.?” Jimin relaxes, looking relieved. “I thought you were going to…..nevermind what I thought. So, what’s wrong with that?”

“Well there’s going to be party in the house and you live here, I should have asked you first but I said yes without talking to you….”

“That’s no issue Y/n, the house is yours anyways-“

“Ours.” You correct him immediately. “The house is ours Jimin, this is your house too.”

Jimin nods, raising his hands defensively. “What I meant was this is your house too, you don’t need my permission for doing anything.”

“It’s not just that.” You hesitate for a bit. “Look, this party is being thrown to get closer to our potential sponsors on a more personal level alright. I already fucked up one meeting because……because I sort of missed meeting them when they were in town a couple of months ago to join you in your success party-“ Jimin’s eyes widen slightly in surprise. “-but now I can’t have anything go wrong again. Jin thinks that if we interact with them at home like this it would seem more friendly and open and since this is quite a domestic idea…….he wants you to be a part of the party too.”

“You want me to be a part of the party?”

“I’m sorry to bother you, I know I should have asked before-“

“No, I’m asking if You want me to be a part of the party?”

You look at him confused. “Yeah, I think Jin’s right, if we want to do this at a personal level and so are throwing a party in the house, you should be there too. But…….”

“But what? We need to be Mr. and Mrs. Park, not Jimin and Y/n?” Jimin steals the words right from the tip of your tongue as you looked at him slightly surprised.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going to say. Can you do it?” You carefully chose your words. “We need to make everything seem normal, there will be a lot people, we can’t let people know….whatever….whatever is between us.”

“What’s between us Y/n?” Jimin looks at you so sadly, you can’t meet his eyes for long enough. This was one of those instances when you both knew becoming friends once again, didn’t mean it was the same. Whether you talked about it or not, something was still wrong.

“You know what is between us Jimin, you don’t need me to say it.” You take a deep breath. “Can you do it, for me? Be my husband for one night?”

“I’m always your husband.” Jimin drops the words so casually and thoughtlessly, it hurts you because it’s just a word. The word husband is a title, not a relationship. “But I get what you’re trying to say. And yeah, I’ll be there at the party, as your husband, like you were with me as my wife, you didn’t need to ask me this so specifically.”

You purse your lips tight, “Thank you Jimin.” You get up stretching a little, when Jimin holds your hand.

“Where are you off to?”

“The party is on Sunday which is day after tomorrow, so I’ve got work. A couple of phone calls to make and –“

“Now?” He glances at the clock. “It’s quite late.”

You shrug, “I know, no choice.”

“So you’re going to prepare everything in two days all by yourself?”

“You underestimate me Jimin.” You raise your eyebrows at him.

He shakes his head, “You overwork yourself Y/n.”

He continues as you stay silent because he’s right. “It’s a party at our house as you said, so if its our party and we both work for it, right? How about we make a list of things that have to be done and split jobs?” At this point you’re too tired to even argue against it and Jimin sees through it. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“But Jimin I wanted to call for the cake at least today, they’ll get sold out-“

“All can be done tomorrow.” He gets up, turning you around with his hands on your shoulder, making you walk out of the room. “What’s the point of feeding all your guests if you don’t feed yourself? You didn’t have dinner did you?”

You shake your head as you approach the dining room. “I was waiting for you.”

“Let’s eat now.” And as usual the night goes on with a simple conversation and a simple dinner between two friends.

As you adjust the decorations on the tree one last time, mentally ticking it off your to do list, Jimin walks up to you.

“Jungkook’s girlfriend has the cake ready!” He smiles in relief. “I’m gonna step out to collect it okay, I’ll be back in a bit.”

You nod as he rushes out grabbing the car keys, hurriedly putting on his shoes. You know why he’s hurrying, he thought he was at his fault. Even though he was, like always you didn’t say anything to him.

Saturday morning when you wake up, you see Jimin working on his laptop near the fire place. As you stretch he notices you are awake and leaves the room silently. You frown a little before going to the shower, confused as you washed yourself why he was a little off. You know him well enough so you can tell why - he’s tensed. And indeed he is because as you walk into the dining room after getting ready for the day, he’s pacing around the area, as your cornflakes and milk sit ready on the table Expect the milk was in the bowl and the cereal in the glass.

“What’s wrong Jimin?”

Jimin snaps out of his worries, still not noticing that you were pouring cereal into the bowl as he sits down across you.

“So I was making a list of things we need to do before the party tomorrow night-“

“That’s why you’re tensed? We could have done it together Jimin.”

“No, no I just happened to wake up early and so I worked on it, it’s pretty much sorted. So we have food and drinks. Dinner to be precise, which we need to place an order for. We need to buy wine and rum and a couple of drinks. And of course, there’s cake. Then there’s decorations, buying them and decorating the house too. And gifts for those who come. Then there’s music. We need a proper playlist and I was working on that in the morning. And…...” He trails off thinking.

“That’s about it, that’s good enough Jimin what are you so tensed about?”

He bites his lip, looking apologetic. “The cakes are all sold out.” He makes angry fists as he speaks upset at himself. “You were right we should have ordered last night, there’s no cakes anywhere, I’ve called about 7 different shops they are all sold out. I’m so sorry Y/n…”

Even though you’re slightly annoyed at him, seeing how angry he was at himself you calmed down. “Okay, nevermind, I’m sure we wouldn’t have gotten a cake last night as well, people order from weeks before, this whole event is just so last minute so don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.” You quickly stuff your mouth with the cereal, talking between your bites. “Let’s decide on the menu and then make a list of what to order now yeah? We need to step out to shop soon.”

Jimin nods and leaves to bring back his laptop and as you continue your breakfast, you discuss about the cuisine, ordering a long list of mouth watering dishes. You wanted this party to impress, there was nothing you were unwilling to do for it.

“I think we should bake the cake if we can’t find one.”

Jimin looks at you absolutely surprised when you walk into the dining room after clearing yourself up once your breakfast was done.

“You want to bake a cake? A Christmas cake?”

“It’s not that bad.” You shrug leaning over the chair, standing behind it. “It’s a little time taking but I think we can do it. What’s a Christmas party without a Christmas cake right?”

“That is true Y/n but this is won’t be easy-“

“I know but we can try right?” You look at him pleadingly as he shakes his head.

“We’d be wasting too much time, no Y/n, we’ll figure out some other way and-“

“Fine.” You straighten out. “You go ahead and shop, I’m not coming.”

“Stop being stubborn Y/n-“

“I’m not being stubborn! You said it was a waste of time so I’m splitting the work between us so we won’t spend too long on a task.”

“How am I supposed to buy decorations alone? I don’t know what to get and all the colour combination stuff and all-“

“You figure that on your own~!” You wave at him leaving to room as he lets out a groan of frustration. “Fine! I’ll do it alone then!” He gets up and shuts his laptop leaving with it under his arm, the opposite way.

A little upset, you began your work in the kitchen knowing very well it wasn’t going to be easy but Jin trusted you with this and you wanted everything about tomorrow night to be perfect. You’re about halfway done, after making an entire mess in the kitchen when you’re tip toeing miserably trying to reach for the vanilla essence on the top shelf when you feel a sudden warmth behind you as Jimin stands, pressed against your back, hand going over yours to grab the small glass bottle. You turn around to face him as he takes a step back and you frown at him.

“Didn’t you say you were going to buy decorations?”

“I called for catering and confirmed the order, and I also finished on music. It’s past lunch time and you are still such a mess.” He grabs an apron from a nearby. “And I can’t leave you in a mess alone can I?”

He smiles, making you smile back as you continued with your work, glad to have Jimin by you. Soon that is turned into annoyance because if the kitchen was a mess before Jimin came, with him around, it was catastrophic. There was flour everywhere, eggs lying broken here and there, dozens of spoons and spatulas out, the milk was running its own river – it was disastrous. By the end of it all when you took the cake out of the oven, it looked more like a burnt log than a log cake. Jimin laughed till his stomach hurt at you disappointed face the moment he saw it.

Realising you were genuinely upset about how this back fired on you, Jimin immediately takes the cake from your hand putting it on the counter and bending down slightly to look you in the eyes you had lowered.

“Hey Y/n, it’s okay, it just looks a little burnt I’m sure it’ll taste fine.”

“That makes no sense.” You strip out of your apron throwing it across the kitchen. “You were right, we should have thought of some other way to deal with this whole cake thing, this was such a waste of time.” You look out at the darkening sky.

“Of course not, If not for all this, I’d never had known how you look covered in flour.” He snickers as you frown, moving closer to the window, seeing the reflection of you with your cheeks and forehead, all smeared with flour. You groan turning towards Jimin and see his phone out, clicking away pictures, laughing uncontrollably.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me-“

“This stuff is gold.” He takes a step back as you walked ahead, putting your hand out to clock your face.

“Jimin stop taking pictures-“

“You look like a masterpiece, we should hang you on the Christmas tree-“

“Stop it Jimin!”

He runs out, making you sigh and follow behind him, grabbing the bowl of icing on the counter, walking out of the kitchen mess, making a bigger one outside, as the cake sat on the counter, all forgotten.

You walk into the dining room smiling to yourself remembering the mini food fight you had here that night as you look at all the food laid out, ensuring there were enough plates and cutlery to go around for everyone. There’s just one empty plate in the centre for the cake Jimin was bringing. After you spent nearly two hours clearing the mess last night, Jimin remembered that Jungkook’s girlfriend had a knack for baking and immediately called him to ask for a favour. Once Jimin bought the cake and you placed it here, then this place was perfect.

Turning to enter the kitchen, you open the fridge to pour yourself some cold water when you see the cake you baked sitting there half eaten. You roll your eyes thinking about how Jimin winced at your cake yet finished nearly half of it for dinner last night. Gulping water straight from the bottle you go into your room, and pull out a dress from your closet, before getting in the tub for a warm bath. It was so cold these days. Even last night when you were returning from an hour’s worth of arguing and discussion in the mall and finally buying decorations, it was freezing cold.

The car comes to a sudden halt on the silent empty street and Jimin looks at you confused. He tries to start it again, turning the key once, twice, but all you hear is a small rumble and then it gets silent again. Jimin steps out of the driver’s seat opening the car hood and you hear him cough as you see a small trail of smoke leaving from the side. You quickly get out too and stand by him as he stares at all the wires and metal confused as to what to do.

“There’s no one around to even ask for help.” You muse looking through the semi darkness.

“We should maybe call a mechanic then, I have no idea what to do.” Jimin pushes a wire or two looking at the parts keenly as you dial for help.

The two of you are still standing there, trying to see what you can do with your minimal knowledge when suddenly you feel a cold soft something land on your cheek. You look up to see the sky scattering snow, white, beautiful snow, after days after a dry spell in London. Jimin looks up, following you and he breaks into a sweet smile.

“Finally.” He turns to you shutting the hood. “Took it long enough.”

“Good things take time.”

You hold out your hand, watching as the flakes settled on your outstretched palm as you leaned back against the hood, sliding up to sit on it, Jimin standing next to you. The two of you looked around as the snow slowly started covering the trees and the side walk, all just illuminated by a few streetlamps and shop signs in the deserted road. As the snow forms a white layer next to you on the surface of your black car, you scoop up a little of it, throwing it sideways to hit Jimin’s arm. He lets out a soft laugh but immediately gets serious as you wince at how the snow stings your bare skin almost too painfully. He turns, moving to stand right before you taking your hands in his, cupping them and bringing them to his mouth, softly blowing warm air. He’s so close. So incredibly close after so many days and suddenly, your heart is beating fast. Way too fast. And it gets faster when in that small space he looks up and meets your eye, staring right into it in the midst of the snowfall. You see his eyes flicker to your lips then back and he shifts a little. Did he get closer? You don’t know.

And you never get to because the street so far only occupied with the two of you has another visitor as the mechanics car turns in, the headlights flashing towards, making you both instantly jump apart. With his hands on your waist Jimin instantly helps you get down the hood as the mechanic approaches you and the two of you stand as apart as possible while he opens the hood and flashes his torch into it, both of you meticulously avoiding each other’s eyes.

“I need to take this back to the garage, I can only have it ready by the morning.” The man dressed in overalls shuts the hood turning to Jimin. “We can leave this here, and I’ll drop you by my car till your house. I’ll have the car delivered by the morning.”

Jimin shakes his head, the small bits of snow in his hair, falling. “We live just two streets down, we’ll walk, that’s alright.”

The mechanic nods as Jimin walks to the boot, taking out today’s heavy shopping purchase and you help him. After giving Jimin gives his number, the two of you walk home in that snowfall, next to each other but not close enough, looking at one another from time to time but not saying anything. The cold snow had brought something else with it tonight.

You slip on your dress you chose, looking at the way it fit you. As you run your hands over the material, smoothing it out you think about how the pink matched the color of his lips when the two of you were so close last night. You immediately shake the thought off your head. He was your best friend that’s all. He didn’t love you, you weren’t supposed to think like this. But the last few days you kept questioning yourself seeing his behavior. You know Jimin and his interests very well. He loves attention. He loves being in gatherings and parties and clubs. He loves going out, eating in fancy restaurants and having fun. You are almost opposite to him.

You liked having night’s in, home cooked meals or takeawys, watching movies wrapped in a blanket and surrounded by pillows, that’s how you like to spend time. When you were young, the both of you used to argue a lot about it, often coming to truces and spending time in ways both of you liked it. After moving to London though, you could choose to do as you wished. You spent hours in cafes and libraries all alone and silent but somewhere you missed that exciting life you had with Jimin. That’s why after you both had resolved your issues and were spending time together, you didn’t mind doing it Jimin’s way.

The last few days were weird though. It wasn’t exactly weird to say but Jimin was different. He was looking to spend time in as well, he insisted sometimes on not wanting to go out and you thought maybe it was because of the cold or because he wanted to do things your way for a while but as time went by you were slowly seeing it for what it was. He was looking to spend time some personal time, alone with you. When you first thought that you felt you were over thinking it. Jimin didn’t feel anything beyond friendship for you to think like that. But sometimes when saw the way he looked at you, the way he got closer or touched you, as a woman you could tell. You could tell something had changed.

As you wash up after dinner, you hear some song from the living room where you know Jimin sat with his laptop. When you walk in wiping your hands and frowning at the music, Jimin looks up at you.

“What do you think?”

“What is this?”

“The playlist for tonight. This is one of the songs.”

You laugh, “What kind of song is this Jimin, we aren’t in the 1980s for gods sake.”

“What do you mean 80s music.” Jimin almost looks offended. “This is a classic, this song is a legend Y/n.”

You shake your head, crossing your arms. “There’s no point of a legend if one can’t dance to it Jimin we-“

“Who said?” Jimin held out his hand for you. “Let me show you.”

“Not now Jimin,” You wave him off as you walk back towards the kitchen. “We’ve still got the house to decorate and -“

He holds your hand from behind, making your turn to face him exasperatedly. You don’t expect him to suddenly pull you towards him though, one arm around your waist and another, holding the wrist of your hand which is resting on his chest. You blink at him, trying a little to break free, but he’s held you so delicately yet firmly not just with his hands but his gaze too.

As the music swells, slowly he takes a step forward and back, guiding you along the expanse of your living room to the gentle music. You look into his eyes and him into yours as you both sway to the melody getting slower and slower, halting without even realising that all you were doing was looking at each other. And earlier today by the car, there was a reason for you to move apart but now, now there’s nothing. Nothing or no one to interrupt, or put distance between you two. But then the phone rings and both you jump apart.

You shake your head, bringing yourself out of last night’s memories. That was nothing, that really was nothing. Jimin couldn’t possibly be falling….

You suddenly feel his presence behind you, his hand to be particular as his pulls up the zip at the back for you, meeting your eyes in the mirror.

“This dress is really nice.”

You turn around, hoping he’d take a step back but he doesn’t, trapping you in the small space between the dressing table and his body.

“Uh…thanks Jimin.” You blink.

“I’ve put the cake on the table, it looks great, you should take a look. And I also took a final round in on all the decorations, and everything is good. No one will believe it took less than three hours today morning to make the house look like this.......Also the waiters we hired are here. I’ve put a couple of them on drinks duty and the rest will be there to change the course during dinner.”

You slowly take a step to the side, moving away from him, clearing your throat. “Uh yeah, yeah, that sounds fine.”

Jimin looks at you keenly. “Is everything okay?”

You open your mouth to say something and then immediately shut it changing your mind and turning around. No, no, not now. You had a party to throw and a deal to crack. All this can be done later.

“If there’s something, say it Y/n.”

“Can we talk Jimin?” You turn to him. If not now then you’d never do it. You know what an idiot you are.

“We are talking?” He blinks confused.

“I wanted to ask if you….. it’s just that I felt….maybe, you know, I don’t know it’s probably not true but….”

Probably? Of course. Of course it wasn’t true. Why would you ever think Jimin was falling in love with you? He was already in love with someone else and this wasn’t the first time Jimin was close enough to you to make your heart skip a beat. Jimin was a touchy, romantic person by nature, all this didn’t mean anything at all.

“What did you feel?” Jimin waves his hand before you zoned out face.

“Uh….nothing. It’s nothing, never mind.” You turn to walk back into your wardrobe to get away from him, when Jimin calls out to you.

“Y/n, you know you can tell me whatever it is right?”

“Yeah.” You nod, not looking at him. “I know.”

As you finish getting ready, tucking the last strands of hair behind, you can hear the sounds of cars pulling up in front of your house. Quickly taking one last look at yourself in the mirror, happy with what you’ve done, you rush out of the room to see Jimin already holding the door open as your colleagues walked in, couples and families, looking pleasantly surprised at Jimin, having seeing him for the first time.

“Y/n!” Ashley waves at you when she spots you standing by the couches, immediately approaching you and it’s only then though that Jimin spots you as well, his eyes slightly widening and lips parting as his eyes fell on you, from your feet, trailing up your body to your eyes.

You don’t why but when you walked into the wardrobe again the first thing that your eyes fell on was the deep red dress that Jimin had bought for you months ago for the party. It had come back altered, two days after everything and since then it had been hanging on your side of the wardrobe, untouched. For some reason you took it out, staring at it and you didn’t even know why but you slipped out of your gown, changing into it. When you looked at yourself in the mirror indeed Jimin was right, the colour really did suit you a lot.

Seeing you in the dress he gifted, you notice how Jimin refuses to take his eyes off you as you walk towards him, to welcome everyone home. When you reach him, he snaps out of it, putting his arm around your waist, smiling along with you at everyone as you introduced him.

As the night got longer, your friends and colleagues start filling your house, the environment get livelier by the minute. You speak to dozens of people walking around, and everyone showers compliments on your home and the arrangements and how wonderful your husband is, especially when out of the blue, he started playing the piano that sat untouched for months, at the corner of your living room. You thought Jimin only knew how to play a song or two that was taught in school and he never showed any particular interest for the instrument as well. But today the way he played had the entire party’s attention on him, everyone with drinks in their hands but not one person took a sip, all too lost in the way his fingers moved over the keys.

You didn’t even get a chance to talk to him after that as Jin steals you to the side to talk to your sponsors with whom you discussed for long and in detail what you planned to do with this experiment. By the end of it, you’ve impressed them and as they proceed for dinner, Jin wraps you in a brief hug, congratulating you for your success and you’re so happy, you look around for Jimin to tell him but he’s already looking at you, mouth pressed in a thin hard line, eyes flickering from you to Jin. As you walk towards him, he turns around raising the glass and grabbing everyone’s attention.

“Dinnertime everyone! Please, join us in the dining room.”

You frown at him as the crowd moves towards the dining room, walking between the two of you and Jimin follows them in, and you don’t know whether he has even noticed or not that you want to talk to him.

Dinner is just as uneventful. Even though you’re sitting right next to Jimin, he’s talking to others sitting around him and you found yourself still making conversation with Jin and your sponsors. As desert gets passed around and everyone slowly eats, Jin stands up, clearing his throat for attention. He announces happily about the new project the lab has now received, being its biggest and most important one yet. As he owes the credit to you, everyone cheers as you beam around the table and you feel Jimin lean in to whisper softly in your ear. “Congratulations, love.”

You look at him with slightly widen eyes and he looks away still clapping normally, looking around. You probably misheard him in all this noise. There was no way he said that.

You become pretty silent after that, not talking much to anyone, lost in your own thoughts. What snaps you back to reality is Ashley’s question.

“So Mr. Park.”

“Please, call me Jimin.”

“Alright, Jimin, Y/n has barely told us anything about you.” She looks around the table for agreements. “I mean of course she’s answered our questions before so we know where you work and what you do and all that, but she’s never talked about the two of you before. Tell us something about yourself.”

“Well there isn’t much to say.” Jimin laughs, holding your hand. “We know each other better than anyone, being the childhood friends, we are and last spring we made it a marriage.”

“And love?”

Both you and Jimin look at each other as Ashley continues. “I mean it’s obvious you guys are deep in love, when did that happen?”

You panic but you feel the light pressure Jimin gives as he squeezes your hand in his grip. “Well, I don’t know about her but it was pretty recent for me......They say you know the value of something in your life only when it leaves right?, maybe that’s why I never knew how I felt for her. I remember it was one night, after our families had dinner together and she was walking back home alone as I followed her and as I saw her walk away I somehow just realised that I can bear anything, anything but the distance between us and I guess that was when I knew.”

You stared at Jimin gulping a little. This didn’t really happen did it?, he couldn’t be serious.

“And Y/n, you?”

“Huh?” You turn a little surprised. “Um…..I…..it wasn’t exactly a particular moment for me I guess.” You look at Jimin, straight in the eye. “I think I’ve been in love for as long as I remember.”

Everyone lets out a string of aw’s looking at you two. You can’t take it anymore.

“Well now that dinner is over,” You look around. “How about we all head out for a bit and just enjoy ourselves?”

Everyone mummers in agreement, getting up, wiping themselves with napkin and you leave Jimin’s hand and get up too, talking to the waiters about clearing the place. As music begins playing outside, Jin grabs you halfway as you are giving instructions, insisting that you dance and that it was your night to celebrate. You look at all the couples dancing together slowly and as Jin holds his hand out to you, asking for a dance, Jimin comes from behind, hand around you, pulling you closer.

“Sorry Jin, I’d like this dance with my wife if you don’t mind?” And you just hope Jin didn’t notice the slight harshness in his voice as Jimin leads you away.

Putting your arms around him, you look at him pointedly. “What was that Jimin? Why did you have to be so curt-“

“This colour really does suit you.” His voice is low. “You look beautiful Y/n.”

You blink multiple times at how easily he’s changing the topic. “Thanks, I thought the colour would match the theme of Christmas and all but you’re not getting away with this Jimin, what was all that about?”

“All what?”

“How you spoke to Jin and that story during dinner?”

Jimin lets out a sigh, “You asked me to be your husband tonight didn’t you? I’m doing just that. A husband doesn’t just let his wife dance with anyone and everyone like that. Besides I hadn’t talked to you the whole evening-“

“I did try! You walked away.”

Jimin shakes his head, brushing it off. “I’m sorry about that, I don’t know why……but anyways congratulations Y/n on your project. I’m so glad this worked out for you.”

Congratulations love.

That’s the only thing ringing in your head, you can’t hear anything he says after that. Should you talk to him about it? Here and now?

But you’re so lost in the moment, you don’t. You don’t talk to him while dancing, not after everyone hugs you both goodbye and leaves, not after the house eventually becomes utterly silent, never. But somehow before you even could ask, he answers your questions with a reply you didn’t expect at all.

You’re clearing the last bits of things remaining in the dining room, after the waiters leave doing their job. As you pull your hair out of the painful bun letting you waves drop over your shoulder. Jimin enters, his blazer removed, rolling up his sleeves. Like always, you look away.

“Just need to keep all these scented candles back in.” You tell him as you blow the fire away, the room getting darker bit by bit. Jimin proceeds to help you, both of you quietly doing your work until your shoulders knock right next to each other as the both of you reach for the last candle at the same time.

And you can feel it again, that undissolved tension between both of you. Jimin is so close to you again, so close you can count his eyelashes, see the specks of lighter brown in his eyes so clearly, feel every breath he is not taking. He’s so close that he can surely feel the way your heart beats like a thousand horses running together and your cheeks giving of heat like a setting summer sun. You don’t think it was possible for the two of you to get any closer. But somehow you do.

Somehow suddenly Jimin swoops down, hands on either side of you, trapping you between them as he gripped the edge of the table and softly presses his lips against yours. It’s so soft, so so soft that it makes your mind reel in an unknown frenzy. It is slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His brings his hand to rest below your ear, his thumb caressing your cheek as both your breaths mingle. You run your fingers down his spine, as he moves closer until there is no space left between you and you can feel the beating of his heart against your chest. You can feel wild tremors along your nerves, inflicting sensations you had never known you were capable of feeling. You don’t know how but the kiss got deeper, deeper than all the galaxies in the universe, as you move against him.

You can taste the faint traces of wine as the kiss obliterates every thought. Drunk on endorphins your only desire is to have him touch you, to move his hands over places that ached to feel him. He gives you exactly that as his hand wanders down your back, holding him closer to your body. You always wondered what stories meant by melting in a kiss.

It is only now in his arms that you understand. It is only when Jimin pulls back and you pine for his touch that you understand, knee buckling a little, unsteady as you are on your feet, and his hands immediately grab you by the waist, holding you up. There is barely a few seconds gap, a few seconds where you stare at each other, face red and flushed before he kisses you once more with the kind of passion that literally takes your breath away you find yourself pushing him back to breathe again as you both stand foreheads touching till his eyes fly open.

“Oh god....” Jimin looks at you horrified as though he just came to his senses, immediately taking a step back. “I’m sorry....I’m so so sorry this....this wasn’t....I....I’m sorry Y/n.”

You frown at him not understanding as he takes a couple more steps back.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers and leaves in a blink of an eye as you stand in the semi darkness all alone with no idea what in the world was going on.

“Earth to Y/n.”

You snap out of your thoughts in an instant and look up to see Jin staring at you with an eyebrow up. You look around to see everyone else also giving you a curious, confused look.

“Wow that took a while. Are you with us Y/n?”

“Yeah...yeah I just...was lost for a minute sorry.”

“Well it would be a little helpful if you could you know maybe try to be with us so we can get done with this quickly.”

“yeah sure I’m sorry. I’m- I’m listening.”

But you’re not. Barely seconds after saying that you’re scribbling lines on the paper again thinking about last night and Jimin’s changed behaviour for many days now. It couldn’t be possible, it couldn’t be what you were thinking. Jimin cannot be in love with you. Even though that was what you wanted all your life, Jimin cannot be in love with you. That would ruin everything. That would destroy your soul from the inside.

Last night you had finally admitted. You finally admitted to yourself that Jimin not loving you had never been the problem in your life at all. Jimin not loving you was a solution. It was the solution that kept you away from him. It was the solution that helped you with your guilt for something you had never admitted to even yourself till date. Last night, you did. You finally confessed to yourself why the distance between you and Jimin was there. It wasn’t because he didn’t love.

You couldn’t have him love you.

And he needed to know that.

“I’m sorry I need to leave.” You get up, as everyone stares at you.

“Y/n this is important-“

“I’m sorry Jin, there’s nothing more important that what I have to do now to me.” You grab your bag and lab coat and walk straight out of the room, not waiting for anyone’s permission.

When you open the front door of your house as quickly as possible to talk to Jimin, you are met with a surprise.

“Y/n!” The woman in front of you squeals, getting up from the couch and nearing you with her arms wide open, as Jimin sits near her.

“M-Mrs.Park?” As Jimin’s mother wraps you in a tight hug you look at him over her shoulder and he shrugs. It was a surprise for him too.

“How does it feel being a Mrs. Park yourself?” She raises her eyebrows playfully as she pulls back and you smile awkwardly as you both walk into the house.

“It’s…it’s okay I guess?”

“Doesn’t feel any different?”

“I still have to tolerate him.” You roll your eyes at Jimin who pouts angrily making his mother laugh.

“You two are still the same I see, still fooling around. Grow up already. It’s not time for you to be kids, it’s time to have your own.”

Both you and Jimin choke on the nothing at the same time, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the older woman’s eyes. She makes you sit next to Jimin, holding both your hands.

“Everything is okay between you husband and wife isn’t it?” Jimin and you look at each other and Jimin puts his arm around you as you force a smile.

“Yeah mom, e…everything is good, we’re both good.”

She smiles at his words and looks straight at you, “You remember what we asked of you when you were married? This empire needs an heir after Jimin and only you can give us that.” She drops a kiss on your head. “Don’t keep us waiting for the news any longer Y/n.”

You blinked at her as Jimin speaks for you. “Yeah mom, we understand.”

“I’l.......l just take with me to the kitchen to get these special diabetic biscuits I bought for you Mrs. Park,” You get up, holding Jimin by the hand. “I need his help taking it from the top shelf, We’ll be back!”

You drag Jimin to the kitchen, making sure his mother can’t hear anything and speak in a hushed voice.

“What’s going on?”

“Dad had some work in Paris and she just took the train from Paris to London for the fun of it and thought to pay us a visit cause the last time she called I wasn’t doing well.” Jimin runs his hands through his hair. “She’ll be leaving in a bit, to catch the train back so-“

“Then we better hurry and tell her.”

“Tell her what?” Jimin looks at you confused.

“Jimin, do you realise what she’s asking for? She thinks things between us are good enough to give her an heir. That’s not happening, no way is that happening and we can’t have her living in the hope that-“

“It’s break her heart to know the truth about our relationship Y/n, she thinks as parents they did take a good decision for our lives by getting us married. Knowing that it’s turned around everything for the worse for us will break her heart.”

“Then what do we do let her live in the delusion? I can’t Jimin, I’m telling her right now-“

“Don’t Y/n” Jimin holds your hand as you try to leave. “She’ll get to know eventually, slowly, don’t tell her this now and-“

“Whenever we tell her, it will break her heart Jimin, then why not earlier?” you raise your hands, not wanting to listen anymore. “Look, I’ve been doing this mistake for days – not talking on time. There’s no point dragging things for longer and longer, it’ll only get more complicated and difficult to break out from. We are telling her today and that’s final. Will you do it or do you want me to?”

Jimin silently looks at you eyes still pleading you to not do this.

“Will you do it or do you want me to, Jimin?”

Jimin gives up eventually shutting his eyes briefly and letting out a breath. “I’ll do it.”

“Good.” You grab the biscuits from the kitchen counter and walk out.

As Mrs. Park talks munching on the biscuits, you keep glancing at Jimin to raise the topic and he nods like he’ll do it soon but over an hour passes by and he doesn’t bring it up. Not even when his mother gets up stating that she wants to take her leave. You can’t rely on him anymore, you had to take matter into your own hands.

“Mrs. Park there’s something you need to know.” You get up as she does and from the corner of your eye you can see the tension in Jimin as he stands up as well.

“What is it dear?”

“I’m sorry but I didn’t want to hide this from you. You need to know about us and……..”

Jimin puts his arm around your waist pulling you closer and words are unable to leave your mouth.

“What about you two?”

“We…we aren’t ready to be parents.” Jimin speaks beside you as you frown. What is he saying? “One day maybe, but both of us are busy now with our careers and we want to focus on it for a while, a child will be a distraction now. Y/n was just.......worried about how to tell you this.”

“Aw is that is sweetheart?” His mother smiles at you, walking to the door as the two of you follow her. “That’s alright, I understand you both are young and newly married, you’d want to work, have fun, spend time and all of that. I just wanted you to know his dad and I are waiting but if both want it later, then we have no qualms waiting longer. That’s not an issue, you needn’t be afraid to say that my child.”

“It’s not that.” You look at Jimin, getting madder at him by the minute for saying everything but what he had to, controlling the emotion in your voice. “There’s more-“

Jimin doesn’t let you finish, pulling you closer, kissing your lips, shutting you up. “She said, it’s okay love, there’s nothing to be afraid.”

Being the old fashioned woman Jimin’s mother is, she laughs into her hand at the sight of her son so blatantly displaying affection in front of his mother and turns around.

“Alright, I’m going to leave you lovebirds alone for a while, I’ve got a train to catch anyways.”

As you stand at loss for words, Jimin’s mother leaves, getting into the car that came to pick her up, waving sweetly at you. The moment she is out of sight, Jimin shuts the door and you push him away from you harder than you expected to.

“What the hell were you thinking?” You hissed between your teeth. “I asked you to tell her! Why are you giving her hope Jimin, she needs to know. She needs to know you and I have nothing between us! How could you Jimin?”

“I couldn’t do it Y/n! Imagine the poor woman travelling all alone with the thought that her son was bound in a relationship that could barely be called a marriage all because of her?”

“It would hurt her more to know later Jimin! If we keep waiting like this, it’ll be too late to tell her-“

“It’s too late already. We should have told them before we got married, before we agreed to be husband and wife-“

“Agreed?” The word snaps something inside you. You can’t do this anymore. “Who agreed to marry you Jimin, who agreed to be your wife? I don’t think you remember Jimin,” You take a step closer to him. “This relationship was not forged on my consent.”

Jimin visibly takes a shocked step back.

“Tell me Jimin. You were asked if you were okay with marrying me. Your parents were asked if they would accept me regardless. My father was asked if he was okay with this relationship. Do you ever remember me being asked?”

Jimin seems to rake his memories, going back to the day of the wedding.

“No one asked me Jimin. No one thought it was necessary. No one knew if this is what I wanted. I was decked in a bridal gown, told what vows to say and who to say it to and that’s it! No one asked me if I wanted it to be you. And let me make this very clear to you Jimin.”

You walk up to him and jab a finger at his chest. It is not moving like it’s supposed to. He isn’t breathing. You should have at least stopped then.

But you don’t.

“I never wanted it to be you. And I still don’t. So stop doing all this.”

“You….you didn’t want this….” Jimin stares at the floor repeating your words.

“No.” You turn to him. “And I even came here today, leaving everything behind just to tell you that. I didn’t want to marry you, even now this relationship suffocates me, having you around suffocates me, you remind me of things I try so hard to forget. There was a reason I stayed away from you Jimin, there was a reason for the distance but that’s something you’ll never understand. I thought it was a selfish decision though, not thinking about what you wanted from this relationship. But I was right in what I did. I was always right. There was never a point in thinking about what you wanted from this relationship when the relationship itself didn’t make any sense at all. But I can’t break away from it because I know what us being married means to my father so I stayed away from you. You wanted to be friends, you wanted to hang out, you thought it was okay to do or say whatever you want, but it’s not Jimin. Let me make it clear to you one last time. There is and will never be anything but distance between us. Whether you like it or want it or not.”

With that you turn around and walk straight out of the house slamming the door shut hard enough to make it’s hinges rattle. It’s cold, so cold that you can feel the hot tears pouring from your eyes turning to freezing streams. You walked for as long as you could that evening, further and further away from Jimin.

You did it. After months and months of thinking of telling him to stay away, months of battling with yourself about whether this friendship was right or not, you did it. You pushed him away from you, the man you loved but were never meant to marry, the man who was the source of your guilt. And as much as it hurt doing that, breaking his heart this way, it was important to do. Otherwise the two of you would constantly be stuck in a loop of loving and not being able to love each other and hurting yourself even more. This distance was the best for you both.

That night when you come back home, Jimin is not there. He is not back home even after you have dinner, even after working on your laptop till nearly 2 in the morning, even after you wake up alone in your bedroom after many days now. The bathroom floor is wet though, which means he had come home, but he left again before he had to face you. Strangely there is also a slightly muddy footprint next to the bed table on your side of the bed as though he stood there for a while, the imprint becoming thicker and darker with time. You don’t know how long he was standing there. Or why.

Even after you return from work early, Jimin is not back. Just as you set your takeout dinner on the kitchen bar table you hear the front door being unlocked and see Jimin only just entering the house. When he looks at you though, his expression becomes hard, unreadable.

“I didn’t think you’d be home this early. Sorry.”

Before so much as a sound left you, Jimin turns around and shut the door behind him, leaving the house and you are forced once more to face the silence that you caused, the silence which is and which always has been your fault.

Nearly two weeks pass like that. Jimin hardly being at home. Jimin avoiding you when he sees you. It’s worse because he doesn’t subtly do it. He abruptly gets up and walks away whenever he sees you, he never stays in the same room as you. The other day you even heard him angrily demanding on the phone as to why it’s taking so long to get someone to fix the ceiling. You’ve never seen him that mad. He isn’t not just avoiding you, he’s cutting you off completely, turning you into an absolute stranger. That’s what you wanted right? And that’s exactly what was happening.

By the third week, Jimin got the roof of his room fixed and moved away from your space permanently. He didn’t even tell you about it. When you came home you saw his colognes were no longer lined next to your perfumes, his clothes were not in your cupboard, none of his things were around. You thought he left. Left you.

And just like that, Jimin who was already far off, went further away.

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