#i am a very chatty person there is too much i want to SAY!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maxellminidisc · 2 days

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Silly but the DūnM3sh nonsense around the last episode has me thinking about how like idk mostly white autistic folks (of the vairety who are not in need of higher assistance) online act like ALL autistic folks exhibit the exact same symptoms and behaviors in social settings when like I find mostly other poc and a lot of women regardless of race have very different experiences with the sort of "stereotypical" reaction and behavior that's most often associated with autism. Which leads to a lot of you assuming we are neurotypical and then this line of thinking extends into your reading of autistic characters, be they headcanons or canon characters. Rest of this is going under a read more

Like idk for a poc, theres already very little grace given to us in social situations, especially when around white people. You guys dont realize but we are consistently aware that no matter what, when we enter a space with y'all there will always be an internal bias present in white people that will deem any behavior of confrontation as inherently aggressive or mean.

So we learn to navigate social situations with an already high level of need to analyze so many of the behaviors and cues of the people around us out of complete necessity. Neurodivergency or not, this becomes a matter of survival. And for some people, like me, the need to do this and possibly avoid and save yourself the pain of having people who's racism is a potential harm to you becomes a priority in your brain more than anything else you have going on. You cant completely shut everything else out about your neurodivergency but you learn enough to keep yourself safe. It's what I was forced to learn when I was like 5-13 because I was relentlessly bullied for my race and ethnicity, and later for my incapacity to not understand certain social cues or even break rules until I was about 12/13.

I'm not completely without symptoms and if anything some of them have gotten worse. I struggle now with knowing when to stop talking until I notice people start looking bored or annoyed and I sometimes dont talk enough for fear of being annoying to people I'm close to. Not to mention I'm ALWAYS double checking what I say in a way that's almost like a compulsion. Like constantly, to the point where before I say something with say like factual information, I like quadruple plus plus check everything on Google before I say it (and even then I might get shit wrong and my reaction to that is....oh boy). And even then I sometimes end up not saying anything because I'm too scared I said something wrong and mislead or upset someone. Or worse, this information is unwarranted and annoying.

If anything I'm someone who's neurodivergency made them OVER COMPENSATE the need to pick up on social cues, eye contact, sociability, etc because it was a way to defend myself (by making it harder to pick on me without push back) or keep myself safe.

But at the end of the day the constant need to keep up with ALL of this burnt me out by the time I was in college and it made me incapable of masking very many noticeable things anymore, especially my over sensory and stimming when I'm stressed (which isnt helped by the fact that I have synesthesia), the anxiety it produces, and ultimately that it leads me to having a panic attack and has me in the place I am now where that shame of freaking out in loud spaces gave me agoraphobia. Now my threshold for "neurotypical behavior" is like SIGNIFICANTLY shorter when I leave my house.

And I constantly apologize for sharing information when I do. Like I have it instilled in me now to say sorry for information I share because I think I'm bothering people. And my capacity to understand jokes is flawed if the person I'm talking to isnt someone I'm consistently around because I haven't completely been able to process the way they speak or their sense of humor. I sometimes take jokes that are lies, unreality, or sarcasm as literal and people have to say "oh no I was joking I made that up".

When I first meet people I'm actually told I'm way too quiet and kind of intimidating because I guess people can sense that I'm analyzing them like a lil computer and I look them in the eyes TOO much. Funnily enough one of my close friends in high school didnt like me very much at firsy because she asked me if I liked her after very little time of being introduced and I straight up said no without much thought as to why that would offend her alskdkdmkfkd but after a while of getting to know her more, we got close, and like most people, after a while they say I seem pretty "normal" and "nice".

And this isnt even touching on my emotional responses and my horrible rejection sensitivity. That would make this even longer. But the one thing I'll say is it's made my relationship with my family VERY bumpy, and especially tumultuous when young, and it's something they struggle to understand still A LOT.

And outside of situations where I cant mask anymore from exhaustion, I get why it's sort if unsurprising to me when I've met white autistic folks who mistakenly assume I'm neurotypical because I can just navigate conversations with a sheen of "normalcy" (and lol racism), until we talk and they're like oh shit I get it now (usually white people with ADHD can pick up on my neurodivergency much faster which is funny lol) where as other people of color with adhd/autism dont ever make that assumption, they just get it. They pick up on ME analyzing them and we just look at each other like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

#anyway alls to say is #the way we navigate society creates a much different experience of neurodivergency than you might think #and even then it might not be that different beneath the surface #but thats the thing you need to look beyond the surface of your assumptions in the first place #and again this mostly only applies to the experiences of lower support needs folks #online is where im like MOST chatty in person it takes me months to be like open to people #ill be polite and what not but i say very little of myself and get people to tell me about them #or im constantly listening and watchinf #which again is why i am like almost dead serious when i jokingly call Kabru my kinny skdkfkfkkck #this is also why i joined a lot of speech and debate shit cause i wanted to perfect #this capacity to talk to people and use that capacity for analysis to construct criticism or confrontation too

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dreamyprinx · 1 year

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would y’all like be interested in seeing more like crafts/jewelry from me since I’m taking a break from love digital art for the most part?

#whimsy whispers #I’m still kinda doing it but not really #rn it’s just like ‘if someone wants to commission me or to work on personal outfit designs’#rn my life has been consumed by watching videos of ppl who make their own clothing #with I am unable to do I cannot even sew (I want to learn soon from my roommate) but like it’s just got me so inspired to like put together #fanciful and fun outfits #i thrift most my clothes alrwaydb(I’m broke as hell and just generally like older items anyways it’s fun) and like have been trying to #focus more on my sense of fashion lately #now I’m just talking about fashion so like hi I’ve been like more into whimsigoth lately which is funny because I only learned of it since #ppl would tag my main or send me posts on it cause it reminded them of me #and typically I’m very much a pink (and general pastel but mostly pink) type of person fashion wise #so it’s fun to flip between the pinkest person in the local walmart to whimsigoth #very much a contrast but very fun also #I and still primarily pink most of my wardrobe is pink I love pink #you cannot tell from this blog but like GOD pink is so good #im weeeing pink pjs rn #wearing *#hi im saying too much words (plausible deniability: im half alseep and that makes me more unnecessarily chatty)

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aryxchse · 2 months

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can i request relationship hcs w jason pls? ur writing for him is so cute

jason grace dating headcanons

a / n ; ur so sweet wtf?? i love u, keep complimenting me n my ass will be floating soon girlie 🫶🏻🫶🏻

warnings ; cursing and i said sexy like once, also female reader AGAIN

- alright here's my favorite gentleman

- scary dog privilege fr

- he's cold to everyone but you

- everytime you hug him he'll spin you around in the air with him

- cloud dates

- he's your personal fridge in the hot weathers

- likes carrying you in his arms

- and like he does it so often

- will tie your shoes for you

- and will help you with your homeworks

- if you guys go different collages, he'll drop you off first

- carries your stuff for you

- do ya'll know that one korean boy who has the biggest heart eyes? yeah he's jason

- since he knows what a sith lord is even though he lost his memory, he'll watch star wars with you

- and recreates the romantic anakin scenes

- "from the moment i met you-" boy stfu i'll literally fall in love

- please teach him how to have fun, he's a very sarcastic guy inside

- will cry if you buy him lightsaber

- if you're a booktok girlie like i am, he'll be happy to buy you your books

- and traumatised after reading the first page

- also yeah, he's paying everything

- likes buying you sexy clothes to see you wearing them

- he's like a little kid in love actually

- he thinks he should give all the pleasure to you but when you returned the favor and like- idk listened to him ramble about something with lovey eyes he almost cried

- girl you make him cry sm fr

- cancer men ppl

- anyways

- he'll buy you matching rings, clothes, anything. he loves matching with you

- will make your hot chocolate a little bit colder for you be able to drink it with his wind

- carries an hair tie for you

- always holding you, ALWAYS

- a hand on your waist? check, on your shoulder? check, backpocket? double check

- mr grace the acts of service guy

- will hold your hand if you're going upstairs like a princess

- he usually sleeps better if he's laying on your chest

- he has one of your plushies with him and spreys your perfume on it regulerly

- it helps him when you're out on a quest okay??

- will watch you do your makeup with doe eyes

- he learned how to braid hairs from piper just to braid yours, bcs he loves playing with your hair

- likes holding your hand

- but not like intertwined, maybe holding your pinky or your fingers lazly, he just needs to feel you

- colarbone 👏🏻 kisses 👏🏻

- he'll just bow you like you guys doing a tango and boom, kisses your colarbone

- buys you flowers and keeps one of them with him to know when he should buy you new ones

- writes you poetry

- he maybe can't say it out loud too much, but he can write it down or show it through actions

- he's actually very talkative and funny around you, leo was mesmerised when he first saw jason all chatty like that

- blushed the first time you wiped his glasses for him

- let's you style him however you want

- and like, pick his glasses for him

- he always pairs up with you in practices

- fucks the rules and makes you sit with him on the zeus table

- he can't just stay away from you too long and he's kind of obsessed atp

- but we love him for that ladies

#i ran out of ideas #hope u like it darlin!#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the heroes of olympus #percy jackson series #pjo hoo toa #percy jackson imagine #jason grace x y/n #jason grace x you #jason grace headcanon #jason grace imagine #jason grace pjo #jason grace

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limi-strology · 1 year

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Astro observations II

Decided to make a part 2, didn't expect the first one to get more than, like, 50 notes 😅

Based on just my personal experience, might not be true for everyone! ᵔᴗᵔ

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Contrary to the stereotypes, I don't think I've ever met a two faced Gemini. They honestly seem pretty cool people, they have so many friends and they just know how to communicate, you know? Their relationship with their partner looks really wholesome to outsiders too (but could be just me viewing it this way, lol). If anything, I think they just stand out more, which makes it a bit more difficult to approach them. 🤷‍♀️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Gemini sun girls also have something aesthetic about them, like my cousin has a nice academia aesthetic going on in her life and a classmate from uni has this high-end fashion sense, she looks really pretty everytime (For some reason, when I think of Geminis, I'm envisioning luxury parties with champagne and brands like YSL and Louis Vuitton, that's the vibe I get) ✨

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ People with Sagittarius in their big three (sun, moon, rising) are some of the most outgoing people I know. They have so many connections and, once their schedule allows it, they start planning coffee dates, hangouts with their friends, clubbing etc. A friend of mine can literally NOT stay at home the entire day, he just HAS to go out or meet up with people for at least 2-3 hours. 🏙️

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ To the fellas with Moon opposition Neptune; How do you guys deal with moments in life that don't live up to your expectations? You know, when your imagination goes wild and has a very idealistic scenario of a certain situation, only for it to happen in a much different way and lowkey dissapoints you? Also, do you have dreams that kind of warn you or prepare you for something that will take place in the future? Because I feel like we kind of build our own world and the universe has to remind us that life isn't always perfect, lol 💭

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ My dear Aquarians, why the pessimism? Rather than overthinking everything and imagining the worst scenarios possible, how about you try focusing more on positive things? Even if it's just something small each time, it helps you view your daily life in a better light :)

┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Speaking of Aquas, I've noticed that most of you guys also don't really like being alone for too long. Sure, you want to have your me time (it's fine, we all do) but you also can't stand not having company around. Like, you'll randomly decide to stay in and spend some time alone but then you'll get upset and start calling your friends and family. A friend of mine cannot stand being alone for too long, even if we spend the whole day together, he hates being home on his own, to the point where he sometimes straight up takes the bus back to his hometown. It's wonderful that you enjoy spending so much time with others (I could never, lolll) but try picking up a hobby when you don't have the chance to be around people as much. It'll kind of distract you from loneliness and give you the chance to have some quality time with yourself 🧩

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Thank you for reading, hope you have a wonderful day 💙

Edit: Bonus Observations

So a lot of you guys commented that Aquarius actually prefers solitude and could easily pass time all by themselves, so I looked into the charts of the social Aquas I know irl and see what it is that makes them so outgoing and talkative;

(I didn't include houses because I haven't gotten to confirm their birth times)

• My friend has Saturn in Gemini, which can make people talkative in any situation (I also have this placement and, although I see myself as an introverted homebody, I am surprisingly pretty chatty and enjoy going out with people that make me happy). Truly, he always gives something to talk about with everyone he knows, sometimes he'll start a conversation with another friend of his while I'm standing there not knowing what to say or do in the meantime, like 🧍‍♀️?

• He also has Mars in Sagittarius and Jupiter in Leo; energetic, lively and outgoing, thrives when surrounded by people. He almost never gets tired of hanging out with people, my low social battery could never 😅

• Other than her sun, my mom also has Aquarius in her Mercury, which makes her friendly and likeable, plus she enjoys conversing with people.

• Another thing about my mom, her placements are a bit contradictory; She has Sun in Aquarius, Moon in Virgo, and Uranus and Pluto in Libra - These indicate shyness, independence and introversion. Truly, she prefers doing things on her own most of the time and doesn't open up to just anyone. She also used to be very shy around my age (probably because of Virgo moon?). However, she also has Jupiter and Neptune in Sagittarius, which make her more adventurous, outgoing, charming and humorous. So that would probably explain this whole 'outgoing yet independent yet still can't be lonely' vibe she gives me.

Hope this explains a bit better why I had this image of Aquas at first, thanks for sharing your thoughts in the comments!

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yjhariani · 1 year

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Doon

Task Force 141 X GN!Reader

A/N: Another dedication, this one is for @itzclouding who got me inspired by this post to write this little something about getting influenced by Soap's accent and dialect.

Disclaimer: This is mostly taken from observation by the media I'm consuming. Please, educate me if I'm pragmatically off. I'm not sure how to categorise this one, maybe for non-English native speaker!Reader? For non-British!Reader? Non-Scottish!Reader?

The stages of a human being learning languages started by the listening phase followed by the speaking phase. It seemed that spending quite some time with three English men and one Scottish man got you into those phases unconsciously.

Firstly, of course, you were listening to what they were saying and how they said it. You started stressing a part of a word differently, adapting to whoever you spent the last few days with. Then, you started picking up some slang they were using in the different ways they were saying them.

When you started using them in your own way of pronunciation, they did not actually notice it. It was as if the slang had been part of your vocabulary this whole time.

Things started to get apparent over time. Like the first time you spent a week on a mission with Soap and you returned a different person.

After that mission, the squad members were gathering for a catch up. All of you were about to have a movie night in a meeting room.

“We’re short on food,” Price realised.

“I’ll fetch it doon at the mess,” you volunteered, not realising that you sounded almost identical to Soap.

The whole group turned to you. Soap had gotten used to it and he still looked entertained. Ghost raised an eyebrow under his mask. Gaz let out a scoff of amusement. Price tilted his head a little.

“Doon at the mess?”Soap asked, a smug smile on his face.

“Where else am I getting food, mate?” you replied before making your way to the door.

“Haste ye back,” Soap yelled.

“Aye,” you replied.

As it turned out, your obliviousness was even funnier to them.

“I swear to God, Soap, if you influence them any further, I will kick you in the throat,” Ghost warned.

“I never did,” Soap insisted. “They just picked it up like that time with you.”

“With me?” Ghost repeated, offended.

“Oh, I remember that,” Gaz nodded. “It’s like hearing a more chatty version of you, LT.”

“I can’t believe back then, of anyone, they have to pick up your accent, Simon,” Price said. “You’re already incomprehensible half of the time, having two of you isn’t an improvement.”

“Incomprehensible? You’re talking about yourself,” Ghost replied. “The thing is, we don’t need to suffer dealing with two of Soap.”

“You mean to say, ‘Thank you, Soap, for leading our good friend to a better path’,” Soap said.

“Fuck off,” Ghost scoffed.

“What? Everyone always wants more of me,” Soap said.

Eventually you returned with another bag of snacks, some canned drinks, and a bowl of something the cook could spare. The bowl was immediately snatched by Soap and Gaz exhaled in disappointment.

“You just brought one bowl of that?” Gaz asked.

“I didnae ken you wanted it,” you answered.

Everyone turned to you again. There was a pause before Gaz chuckled whilst the other—save for Ghost—grinned in amusement.

“What now?” Price asked.

“Shite—I mean, shai—shit!” you struggled to respond, realising what just happened before exhaling. “I didn’t know you wanted it.”

Price patted you on the shoulder, still very much amused.

“Oh, come on, you didn’t make fun of Soap after Las Almas and he’s way worse,” you pointed out. “Also that one time Gaz spent too much time with Farah and can’t stop calling people habibi.”

There was a pause.

“So, where do you wanna sit doon?” Ghost asked.

“Fucking bollocks,” you muttered under your breath.

#soap x reader #john mactavish x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #kyle garrick x reader #gaz x reader #price x reader #captain price x reader

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yuu--dachi · 11 months

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a joy to be hidden, a disaster to not be found

hewwo! it's my first fic in a while and also the first fic on this blog. wahoo!! and it's.... an x reader fic which i've also never done before!! and also for genshin!! wahoo!!

ships: alhaitham x reader / you (gender neutral)

content: hurt/comfort, fluff, lowkey pining from alhaitham, reader experiences a panic attack, written in reader's pov but switches to alhaitham for a bit at the end, alhaitham says Sorry cus i like to make him do that 😎

words: 4k (help girl how did i let it get this long...)

synopsis: in which a haravatat scholar realises that everything is not as simple as it is, our body betrays us at every second of every hour, and the three times alhaitham finds you, no matter what.

this reader is for all the babygirls (gender neutral) out there who feel things so deeply and we are all crybabies. i see you, i hear you, and i love you!! we're all bad bitches who are easily moved and touched by the world around us and that's lovely!! keep shining your light on this world, friends!

i'm taking requests for drabbles and quick fics or poetry! whatever inspo strikes me 😴

---

the first time he finds you, alhaitham says:

“the solution is quite simple.”

and you find your fist in wanting of purchase in his face.

“this wouldn't be a problem had you realised your limits before your entire body broke down. surely, i don't have to cite research papers for you to understand that it is important to take note of one's mental health accordingly, as an adult with agency in your own life? then you don't have to find comfort in the mouth of a beer mug.”

he was surprisingly chatty today, and at any other time you would have loved to relish in making him speak for so much for so long. getting him to talk so much was like trying to scrape the bottom of the jar for the last smidgens of berry jam, and you savoured it just as well.

but not today.

“alhaitham, you're not in my shoes, so stop trying to make me walk down the same path you do.”

he tipped his head, confused. “what's wrong with my path? i have no relationship problems—”

“because you don't maintain any.”

“—no financial burdens��”

“because you don't spend it on anything.”

“—and no personal problems.”

“because you don't bother with anything you don't care for,” you sighed out.

“if i didn't maintain any relationships, then why am i here? and if i didn't spend any money, then why is the bill under my name? and if i didn't bother with anything i don't care for, then why am i with you, right now, instead of reading at home?”

he flicks your nose; you sniffle in response and bury your face into the hard table, slightly damp from your tears.

“i don't know,” you whispered, the words leaving you without a thought. “why are you here, alhaitham?”

“if i follow your reasoning, it's because i'm bored, have money, and don't care to be anywhere else. does that answer satisfy you?”

a silence between both of you, even though the tavern was filled with the sound of chatter and the tinkling of dishes and cutlery. “...no.”

“then why upset yourself?”

you remove your face from the table and look at him, despite your eyes red and puffy from crying, nosy runny, and a wood grain pattern imprinted on your cheek and forehead. “i just wanted to hear you say it.”

he hums, thoughtful.

(despite his demeanour, he was rarely thoughtless about anything. even if he didn't make decisions you would've done.)

“because i care about you,” he let the words out slowly, like testing how they roll off the tongue. like learning a new language. “is that alright?”

you plant your face back into the table, all too-aware of your red eyes that must've sparkled, your lips that wanted to become a songbird in return for such simple words. “mm-hmm. thank you.”

“you're very welcome.”

***

the second time alhaitham finds you, you are under a table.

“go away for a bit,” the words come out of your mouth clumsily, like tripping over your own feet in haste. “this one's t-taken.”

your humour probably didn't land as well as you hoped. the stuttering of the heart in your chest beating like a butterfly's wings in flight, like it had ambitions of flying out of your chest instead of remaining behind your ribcage where it belonged. to your credit, it was hard to think of a joke in the middle of everything that was happening in your body. you would've rated yourself fairly well, all things considered.

alhaitham didn't seem to agree, although he didn't frown at you. he tends to voice out his disagreements vocally rather than through things like body language—you know, like a machine would when you press the wrong button?

if he knew what i'm thinking right now, he would probably say that it's one of the virtues of studying under haravatat—classic alhaitham!

instead of saying anything immediately though, he sat cross-legged in front of you, his eyes wandering, seemingly…. observing? what was he looking at? you're sure you could've tell if your mind was clearer, but you couldn't at the moment.

“does it not hurt?” he asked, then, from your face dipped over your hunched knees, you heard two raps of a knock on the desk. “this is the desk made with athel wood, isn't it? it's very durable, but it's difficult for the city craftsmen to make full use of them right now because of how hard it is. the edges don't look sanded enough.”

“i-it's fine,” you choke out, and then breathed in and out for a proper response. “i don't mind it so much.”

he raised a brow in return. oh, you think, so now he's going to use body language, is he?

too bad you couldn't savour it this time too.

“as long as it's pressing against me, i'm… okay.”

you hear him hum in understanding, like he does when he reads a well written proposal.

“is that why you chose this desk in particular? the others were too high and wide and you couldn't make contact with the wood?”

before you realised it, it was easier for you to speak now, even though your heart was still pounding, and your skin felt raw. you didn't usually try to talk when you were experiencing… whatever this is.

“yeah. i just need… to feel safe.”

before you realised it, your face was no longer tucked between your knees, but instead resting on them as you avoided looking him in the eyes.

“i see,” he said, and he paused before saying: “would you mind if i tried something?”

you hesitated, and your eyes finally meet. “i don't know, what are you going to do?”

“i'm going to hold you in my arms,” he said, and switched from sitting cross legged to having his knees tucked under him, arms open and his hands stretching for yours. “if you don't mind.”

in any other situation, you wouldn't have minded. you'd say: maybe it'll start snowing in the desert today! should we start preparing for the oncoming winter?

but now….

you were a mess—just like you were in the tavern that night, too. red ringed on your puffed-up eyes, sweat drenching your clothes and making your back feel as humid as the rainforests at night, and you could barely eke out a word before seemingly using up every bit of air in your lungs, like a newborn babe that only knew how to cry.

you didn't know how to tell all of this to alhaitham. sorry, can i go change into better clothes first? can i save this hug for another time when i'm completely sane and sober to take full advantage of it? can you wait till i ice my eyes so i can look at you properly?

instead, what came out of your mouth was: “i'm disgusting right now.”

he hummed, and you weren't sure if it was his i'm-considering-how-to-reply-to-this-idiotic-situation hum or i-see-where-you're-coming-from hum.

“i can see why you'd think that, but that's irrelevant.”

ah. so it was both.

“why do you want to hold me?”

“i want to see if i can do a better job than a desk,” he says, and you feel a smile ghost your face, only because you see him wearing one too. a small smile, simple like him.

“i probably smell really bad. i'm sweating so much right now.”

“that's fine. i'll stop breathing through my nose.”

“my eyes are really red too. it's not that i don't want to look at you, it's that i'm too embarrassed to.”

“i can just close my eyes.”

“my heart is pounding really painfully right now, and it's hard to talk.”

“i'll ask questions that are easy to answer then.”

finally, you relented. “...is it really okay?”

“yes.”

after you confirmed that he couldn't smell you and couldn't see you, you slowly inch from under the desk and into his lap, where he then wrapped his arms around you. not tightly or passionately, but a sort of reassuring grip—like he wouldn't let you fall.

“how does it feel?”

“you're probably better than my desk,” you laughed out, and the sound felt strange to your ears, just moments after you were alone and crying and hyperventilating under a desk in a room by yourself.

“glad to be of service.”

you laughed again. “i don't think even the other sages from the akademiya can ever get you to say those words.”

“because they can't. if any of them leapt into my arms asking for a hug, i'd redirect them to doctor zakariya.”

you laughed again, and you were glad you made him promise to close his eyes. the sight of alhaitham smiling slightly at you, and the sight of your smile looking at him would've convinced anyone that you were starstruck by him. you didn't feel up to being publicly humiliated at the moment.

the two of you spent the next few minutes—which felt like hours—in each other's embrace (well, yours in his, mostly), and soon your breathing steadied. from the high tides and low crests of your chest rising and falling asynchronously, it returned to the rhythm of the afternoon tides of port ormos.

although it was a difficult question to ask, you asked anyways. “are you not going to ask me what happened?”

“one of the six sins of any scholar under the akademiya is to interfere in human evolution,” he began, and you felt a smile coming before he even finished. “i assume it was your body's way of protecting you against a threat. although—”

he opened his eyes, and you would've tried to stop your smiling by any means before he could see you, but he was wearing a smile of his own, and you couldn't help but dig your fingers deeper into his arms.

“—the nature of the threat and it's scale remains unknown to me still. you have a way with handling problems, after all.”

you gave him a big smack on his chest, fists closed for maximum impact. “ouch!”

how did that hurt you instead of him?

“a good rule of self defense is hard parts against soft targets, and soft parts on hard targets. you shouldn't have closed your hand. a slap would work better.”

“how was i going to know your chest was literally rock hard?!”

“i thought you might have some inkling. i've noticed your stare a few times before.”

you wanted to throw yourself into the abyss.

you couldn't, so instead, you took his hand and bit his fingers as the next best thing.

a small ouch sounded from him, though you couldn't tell if it was genuine or for the sake of making you feel better. you laid your head back against his chest, arms now wrapped around him in return.

“thanks, alhaitham.”

“you're very welcome,” he muttered in response, and you almost didn’t hear him.

“you’re not going to tell me that the solution is simple, or that i was the one that caused this thing in myself?”

he hummed.

“no,” he started, and you wanted to collapse in relief. “i am a scholar of haravatat, not amurta. i don’t understand the subject matter enough to say in any confidence or plausibility that the way your—or anyone’s—body works is simple. if it was that simple, then we wouldn’t have an entire field dedicated to it. and i do wish it were that simple, sometimes. then perhaps so many scholars wouldn’t have written audacious sounding proposals that i’d have to read thoroughly just to reject.”

you snickered. “what does haravatat’s wisdom has to say about me?”

for a moment, you see his eyes soften, straying away from yours.

“that your body failing you is not a moral or intellectual inadequacy on your part. that we do not have full control of ourselves, even if we would like to. that, perhaps…”

“perhaps?”

his gaze returns to you. “...perhaps, we are all more fallible than we see ourselves.”

“only you see yourself as infallible. i know very well how my body betrays me every second of every day. it’s one of the things that comes with being in touch with my own emotions, don’t you know?”

the teasing was meant to be lighthearted, as you knew he didn’t mean anything he said before in a dogged way. his words was not thorny on purpose like a bramble bush, just rough to the touch like a tongue’s cat. there were days where his words striked too much like an arrow through you, and days where the coarseness only brushed your ankles like standing in sand. you loved and cared for him despite that.

suddenly, he pulled you tighter against him, and you squeaked. “alhaitham? Is everything okay?”

no answer. you shifted in your position to make yourself more comfortable, and with whatever left strength you could muster, you rub your hands over his back in calm, soothing circles. “there, there.”

your voice reverberated through your body, and you continued to hold him reassuringly, hoping that enough exposure to having him be so close to you would cure your racing heart and your voice, almost crumbling at his touch.

it was good how self conscious of yourself you were. then, you wouldn’t be able to tell that his heart was racing, too.

***

the third time he finds you, it was not so much being found as it was being chased.

it was just one of those days that went wrong in every way it could’ve gone wrong. you stubbed your toe after getting out of the shower, your research project was going nowhere despite your multiple reminders to your groupmates, and even the way the sticky-sweet baklava clung to your teeth annoyed you.

worst of all, you had a fight with alhaitham.

now that you think of it, it could hardly be called a fight. you’ve seen full-grown adults in akademiya gowns act pettier in a structured debate, and you were sure that if you had asked alhaitham—truly asked, with no contempt or malice—he would’ve presented to you a perfectly reasonable explanation why he didn’t act like an asshole and moreso sounded like one.

right. the only person that was taking things too seriously was you. it had always been you.

it wasn’t that you wanted to be less emotional. you had spent too much time in your formative younger years denying the fact that you simply felt things more deeply, more quickly, than others. it was difficult to accept that you simply had thinner skin than most people—that, on a bad day, the veil of privacy that stood between your emotions and the outside world was nothing but sheer silk that fluttered all too easily with an evening breeze.

the ‘fight’ was nothing spectacular, either. It wasn’t as if you two were having an intellectual discussion as two scholars, rigorously going through peer review on a research paper. it wasn’t as if neither of you would come out of it having respected each other a little less.

but, like the person that you are, so tethered to the heart that it kept your feet frozen sometimes, it had hurt you deeply.

it truly was nothing spectacular. you simply wanted to vent about your terrible groupmates, and you thought that it would be nothing more than a venting session over drinks, getting sober, and then buckling down to do the job once you were ready again in the morning.

but it escalated. he, also seemingly irritable that night, kept bringing up questions, solutions, to your dismay. at any other time, you would’ve let it slide and shelved it as simply alhaitham being alhaitham—a man who wanted life to be simple and easy, fixing problems before they sprung. however, what you needed that night was not a fixer or a tinkerer with all his haravatat wisdom. you needed alhaitham the drinking buddy, the one that would foot the bill, the one that held you in his arms and wanted to be of more comfort than the desk you hid under.

“i just wish you would just—listen!”

“i am listening. it’s just that it’s difficult to keep my words to myself, seeing as this problem can be easily fixed, if you weren’t so fixated on unnecessary things.”

“unnecessary? i don’t like them, but it doesn’t mean that i want to snitch on them!”

“what’s stopping you? they clearly don’t respect you. who else can they blame but themselves as the logical consequence of their actions if you do tell on them? they are adults in their own capacity, and the akademiya is not a place for people to loiter around, seeking for forgiveness for one’s own incompetence. their lesson is theirs to learn.”

“i have my own way of fixing things, alhaitham. you may not care about other people’s feelings, but i do! and i’d rather work it out clearly with them rather than resort to underhanded tactics just to have my life go a little smoother.”

“then tell me, why hasn’t your way of fixing problems worked? only an idiot would employ the same methods over and over again, hoping it’ll work the next time.”

he didn’t call you an idiot directly, but he didn’t have to. the insult found its way to you just the same.

even if you did, you couldn’t fully deny it either. in the perspective of alhaitham, perhaps everyone else other than him was a dimwit full of hot air. the thought that the same applied to you, who you thought had a pretty close relationship with him, stung the most.

he had tried to talk to you and reach out multiple times (although, by your estimates, his attempts were somewhat weak and clumsy), and you kept him out of your house with a badly made sign that said ‘TRESPASSERS BEWARE’ above an aranara carving that looked—in your opinion—pretty scary.

on these days, it was difficult. you couldn’t touch yourself, feeling so raw that you feared that wherever your hand brushed, you would come away bleeding.

there were at least some good news though: your groupmates finally decided to cooperate with you for the project, and you were extremely thankful for it. it turns out that they all had personal issues that made it difficult to speak out on, and now that they realised that you wouldn’t judge them for whatever excuse they may have, they confided in you, and everything went as smoothly as you could hope for.

the four of you celebrated at the tavern, drinks in hand at 3 p.m. in the afternoon. the boss, seeing this particular group of inebriated students, simply shook his head and smiled defeatedly. by the time the sky changed colours, only you were left sitting alone at your table after having escorted the other three to their homes to get some well-earned rest. you would have left soon after, if not only for the fact that you had ‘bumped’ into alhaitham and he ordered a drink to have at your table.

“i was right,” was the first thing you said to him, and you enjoyed the look on his face when the words left your mouth. “i was right. everything turned out like i hoped it would.”

he tilted his head. “surely you can’t expect for luck and fortunate circumstances to befall you every time?”

“i don’t. i don’t, but… i’ll keep doing what i’m doing. i like it when everyone is happy. things won’t always go the way i want them to, but i’ll keep doing it, because it’s important to me that i try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, that i don’t walk the easy road if it means i’ve passed by something meaningful just to suffer a little less in my own life.”

“you sound like kaveh.”

you chuckled. “that sounds like a compliment to me. thank you.”

when his drink arrived, alhaitham nudged it your way across the table. you raised a brow. “what’s this for?”

“to say i’m sorry.”

“words aren’t enough for you?”

“words are only enough for people who trust others to tell the truth,” he paused, then added: “and i don’t.”

you hummed, then leaned back in your chair. “pretend, then, that we are two people who trust each other to tell the truth, and that we would believe in each other no matter what. what would you say?”

his green-red eyes flickered, and you didn’t know from what. if it was with other people, you could hazard a guess, sure—but alhaitham was different from the people you’ve met, and you did not want to presume what his heart feels.

(even if he claims that it’s only there to keep him alive.)

“when i couldn’t see you, i still thought of you, and i didn’t know what to do. i want to apologise for insulting you with my words, even if i didn’t mean to. i failed to calculate the exact way they had sounded until it reached my own ears and i saw how hurt you were.”

you said nothing, but nodded slightly as a go-on.

“i like it when things are simple, but that didn’t mean i wanted you to be simple. i just wanted things to be simple for you, and i unreasonably tried to force my perspective onto yours and ended up hurting you in the process. and for that…” he seemed to have trouble wrangling the words out of his throat, and you would’ve laughed if he didn’t look so pained. you reached out for his hand on the table, resting yours atop his. “...and for that, i am deeply sorry.”

you hummed. another moment to savour.

there was still one more thing you needed to clear up, though.

“...do you think i’m an idiot?”

unlike mere moments ago, the words shot out of his mouth before he even tried to rein them in. “no. not at all. i’ve never once thought you were.”

you smiled at him, somewhat self-deprecatingly. “but you don’t like how emotional i am.”

“it’s not a matter of liking or disliking. your emotions serve a purpose in your decision-making. it’s simply that… i do not like the experience of having to see you go through things that hurt you, even if you’re willing to do so.”

ah, so that’s what it is.

“alhaitham, do you care about me?”

his eyes, previously unfocused, darted back to meet your unflinching gaze. “have my actions indicated otherwise?”

you couldn’t help it. you snorted. “alhaitham, the line between caring for a person’s wellbeing out of courtesy rather than concern is a very thin line. at least, for the rest of us who you might call ‘drama queens’ and ‘fake socialites’.”

maybe he didn’t realise it, but his brows scrunched under your scrutiny, and you couldn’t help but feel joy at the fact that you made alhaitham, someone so aloof and disenchanted, truly perplexed.

“do you not know the answer already?”

“i do,” you say, and you were sure that your smile was infuriating him now. “i just wanted to hear you say it.”

a silence between both of you, even though the tavern was filled with the sound of chatter and the tinkling of dishes and cutlery.

“i do care for you. deeply. does this answer satisfy you?”

“yep!” you smiled, and alhaitham wasn’t one to offer prayers of gratitude to the sevens above, but he was glad that you were so self-conscious of yourself to be blind to the way he leaned forward in his seat, his one hand tightly clutched under the table, and the way he wished he could bottle your smile and indulge in it on a rainy day, if he could.

ah well, alhaitham thought, tomorrow is another day without them realising.

#alhaitham x reader #genshin x reader #alhaitham x you #genshin x you #genshin fics: mine #alhaitham #alhaitham fanfic #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader hurt comfort

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fluffthecloud · 1 year

Text

Their Soulmate

Weasley Twins x Male Reader

Summary: Reader has one big soulmate mark on his back instead of a small one on his arm like most people in Hogwarts. He didn't know why but didn't really took mind to it. Now he got put in Hufflepuff, but somehow became friends with the mischievous twin gingers, mainly because they rode on the train together.

Genre:Fluff

Request: ❌

Warnings: N/A

Notes: This is based off a story on AO3 that had the reader as trans post top surgery. This is a Soulmate AU and at this time people didn't really know what polyamory was so everyone thought you had one soulmate.

Tags: @jasperthechaosgremlin pt. 2 pt.3

Y/N got his letter at any normal age Wizards gets theirs. Though his parents weren't too happy, they were envious. Y/N's parents always wanted to go to Hogwarts but they never gotten a letter, so like any other person that never gotten a letter, they went to another magic school that thought the same things just at a lower level.

Y/N had everything he needed nothing more nothing less, so with a few clothes for weekends and things to do in his free time he didn't have much, plus some money for snacks on the train and if he were to buy anything while at Hogwarts.

He was left at the train station by his parents after they told him where to go, he was a bit confused by this and their behavior after he got the letter. Y/N follows their directions to platform 9¾, and he was a bit confused as he was met with a pillar, a brick pillar. "Oh hello there young man!" A sweet voice said behind him, making him turn around, that's when he saw the gingers.

"Hi." He replied back smiling "am I in your way?" He asked moving slightly just in case he was.

"Oh no you are fine, but are you lost?" The lady asked, "oh where are my manners, I'm Molly Weasley, and these are my children, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny." She pointed at each one. (It took me too long to do simple math to see if Ron and Ginny would be kids or babies around this time)

"I'm Y/N L/N, by any chance do you know how to get to platform 9¾?" He asked hoping to not look like a dumbass and that he kids also got a letter.

"Yeah! You just run through the pillar, and then poff your there at the platform!" One of the twins said, Y/N being unsure which one.

"We got our letter a few weeks ago this is our first year!" The other one said, they really need name tags it would be so helpful.

"It's also my first year." Y/N said cheerfully, "so you just run into the pillar?" He asked looking back at Molly.

"Oh right, you'll miss the train, hurry hurry." One by one the red heads ran through, with you following right behind after saying thanks to Molly.

After getting on the train, you find a cabinet to sit in it was completely empty, so you put you bags in the over hang before taking a seat to silently stare out the window. Not long after you hear some commotion just before the cabinet door slides open to reveal none other than Percy, Fred and George. "L/N so nice to see you again!" Percy chimes, "hope you don't mind us joining you."

"Not at all, come sit." You say with a small smile before looking out the window again. But you soon look back to see the twins fighting for the spot next to you, only for Percy to take it, "if you can't share then neither of you can get it." He said as the two sat across from you.

The train ride was very chatty, mainly the twins trying to strike up conversation with you which worked, you really enjoyed their company. Time seemed to fly by fast because before you knew it you were at you stop, so you got your things and followed the Weasley's off the train.

After the boat ride everyone was now in the dinning hall. Everyone was called up one by one, then it was finally your turn "L/N Y/N!" McGonagall called, which in return you walked right up. You took your seat in the chair that was everyone's attention at that point, which made you feel a bit nervous, which made you forget that you were getting sorted into a house, "HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat yelled, and thanks to being out of it for a minute you jumped and the Hufflepuff table cheered.

As the last of the people got sorted into their houses you made some small talk with the other people at your table. That was over very quickly though because after dinner you were told to follow some person called prefect, apparently they are in charge of us getting to the dorm by lights out. Everyone was lead to their dorms and then it was lights out.

#harry potter #george weasley #fred weasley #weasley twins #hogwarts #soulmate au #soulmate marks #male reader #fred weasly x reader #george wealsey x reader #weasley twins x reader #weasley twins x male reader

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ishouldgetatumbler · 7 months

Text

"I'm going to be somewhat less strict than many of your teachers here. I am purely invested in your education, which means trying to meet you halfway. So if you have to go to the bathroom, get a drink, stretch your legs, whatever, just get up and go. Just come back okay? Passing this class will be very easy as long as you are in class for most of it."

And that was all the eye contact Danny could stand before his hand started to doodle and his eyes made a break for the page. He wrote the date on instinct; then stared at it. He erased the day, then paused. He erased the month, then wrote the correct date.

"Now for grading, exams are not as big of a deal on my class. Exams are about five percent of your grade. In addition homework isn't really... feasible? So don't worry about that. What will make a big chunk of grade is classwork, which is mostly answering when called on, raising your hand, asking questions, and showing up. Really just showing up and showing me all your lovely beautiful faces should be enough in my book, but for the stiffs upstairs you know-"

The teacher stopped, like they were expecting the class to laugh. It was silent. Danny was just drawing lines. Long, zagging, looping trailing lines. The teacher recovered swiftly.

"Chatty bunch. Well I guess that's fair, its first day jitters and all, and I am making it sound like this class is breeze, so what's the catch right? Most of your grade is tied up in what we're supposed to call 'labs' but I prefer to call it 'live practice.' I don't want you to get too worried about results, it's alot more about 'mucking in' as they say. Just show me you're making an effort and improving because, hey, we're all learning right?"

Squiggling lines has lost its therapeutic effect. Danny moved on to drawing his instructor farting while being struck by lightning, exclaiming "YOWCH!" His personal explanation was that they stank so much god saw fit to punish them.

"I know this class gets a bad reputation, and heck the entire business, especially in America, for those of you from there, but all I'm looking for is participation. And hey, guys, eyes here? I'm gonna get up on my soapbox here."

Danny looked up from his half completed drawing of himself as a demon-cat hybrid. He made eye contact with the glaring intensity of the instructor.

"Torture is important okay? You may not use it in your day to day life, but it teaches you important ways of thinking, and 'enhanced interrogation' as we're supposed to call it DOES work, but it's not a science and its not shopping for yoga pants. You can't repeat the same test on a different subject and get the same results, and its not one size fits all."

That was all Danny could take before his lunch made a run for it and he curled over his desk and covered his mouth with a clammy hand. His swirling, sloshing lines made his nausea only worse. Somehow he'd forgotten Vlad picked the school. The teacher on his paper exclaimed "YOWCH!"

"Teacher?"

"Yes, Mr...?"

"Wayne-Al Ghul"

Shoes tak-tak'ed on the floor as the instructor stepped back to the desk at the front of the room, and scrawled a check on the attendance.

"Yes Damian?" They asked finally.

"May I be excused on the basis of experience? I feel this introductory course has nothing to teach me." Damian said promptly and matter-of-factually.

The teacher sharply exhaled in amusement, then said "Well, like I said before, I believe we're all learning. Every year I teach this class I learn something new. Heck I have learned more teaching than I ever did in the business. Really, it's about approach. Everyone can learn something from someone else's approach, and even if it isn't mine or one of the ones I teach you, I am certain you can learn something from your classmates."

Danny was finally starting to figure out why he was so damn nauseous. The words were disgusting of course, but hearing yourself talked about like veal to be dissected and portioned guilt up an immunity to that. No, this was something more.

Ghosts are more like an ecosystem than a living thing. When you die, all your thoughts get split up up into a million different mini ghosts. When someone has all of their thoughts and emotions tied into one thing, they stay somewhat as they were after death, but most people break up. Those break ups leave some small amount of stragglers, who can't or haven't yet made it to the ghost zone.

The room was covered in little ghosts. Caked in them, floor to ceiling like the whole room is painted in a thin, semi-transparent sheen of death. He hadn't even noticed. He just assumed the paint was discolored.

"Ah, yes, you have a question Mr...?"

"Fowl."

"Ah, Artemis, I see you on my attendance sheet. Isn't that-"

"A girls name, yes. Why are we being taught to torture?" The small pale boy asked.

Internally, the nausea abated slightly: finally someone was asking sane questions. His rendition of himself as a demon cat smiled at him from the page.

"It's like having a lesson on how to smash a computer screen. Or a demonstration on how to burn fine art. Why use such wasteful destruction when a fine eye for detail will suss the computer's password, or the painting's secret?"

The teacher sighed before replying "because sometimes art is dangerous, and sometime you need to smash a computer. Assuming you already have all the tools to solve every problem in your future will do you no good."

Artemis snorted but did not offer a reply.

"Right. Do we have any questions that are not 'why do I have to take this stupid class?'"

The room was silent and coated in thin, viscous death.

"Great, I'm going to be passing out your packets, these will contain some practice quizzes and any of the reading for this semester. You'll get another packet in the winter and spring."

The teacher laid a thick stack of stapled papers on Danny's desk, then paused. Danny looked up in terror into their slightly excited face, as the hand on his desk pushed the packet out of the way and pulled out Danny's paper.

They nodded appropriately at the contents of the paper, then held it up for the class.

"See this?" they said, pointing to the drawing of themself being hit by lightning and flatulence, "even something like this indicates to me that you are invested, that you're paying attention and that you're thinking about what I'm saying."

"Is that a demon cat?" someone blurted out.

And that was all it took, the bottom fell out of Danny's stomach and he hurled.

#danny phantom #artemis fowl #damien wayne #dead serious #Dead Serious Dove #thats my ship name for them idk

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silveredsound · 24 days

Note

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main #there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think #which also i got a rude anon about once #that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks #i think hes professional as fuck definitely #but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me #but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one #sorry anon i know this was annoying #but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all #fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all #otherwise why would we have a little blog #let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits #and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction #its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something #i hope we can still be mates #i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life #i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point #tw: cancer #tw: death #tw: weight loss #sorry! i should have added those tw before!

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libbee · 1 year

Text

About air lovers

Air men (moon in gemini/libra/aquarius//moon in 3rd/7th/11th house)

1. Racing thoughts, if I think it I will speak it, I need to speak, no I cannot think internally I need to speak, tell, blurt it out to someone.

2. See, unless you stimulate me, please dont try to befriend me. I am volatile and versatile. If you are not a quick thinker, chatty, conversationalist, how will we connect and bond? How will we stay friends? What do we talk about-you ask? We talk about history, universe, biology, business, science, news, cinema, TV shows, your pet, my pet? No, we dont talk about how I feel, we dont talk magic, we talk concepts and ideas. Emotions are magical, you see. How those witch babes manipulate energy for spells, I am a "how to make friends and influence people/rich dad poor dad" kind of person. Please dont tell me about your healing powers, I am a metacognition/neuroscience kind of person.

3. You are either fun or boring. Sorry, I cannot see anything else that makes a person worthy of my friendship or relationship. My partner is my best friend, we talk, share our thoughts with each other, laugh out loud, we are constantly texting. I only date people who are mentally stimulating. Though I am not too romantic and I dont offer emotional intimacy, but I can offer you a fun time and belly full of laughter. Sorry sir, we dont do inner work here, we dont do self reflection here, we are not that deep. We are all about ideas, thoughts and reasoning. Emotions make things messy and complicated. Y'know I dont have that stability to sit down and get in touch with my feelings. I can be meeting new people in that time, that's just who I am. So if you are someone who's looking for emotional vulnerability, emotional sharing of insecurities and complexes or trying to make me spiritual then I cannot do that, please find someone who is compatible with you. I am not spiritual, I am logical. Sorry, I dont understand what you mean when you say that you are feeling shame/fear/anger, I just dont let feelings trap me, I just move on to the next thing. I dont understand what healing means, I am just not meant for these things. I dont understand what you mean when you say soul or spirit or divine or energy, are these not just words? Where is the proof they exist? You're intuitive? Hmmm, I am more of a thinker type. You're into astrology and tarot? Oh, I am an economics nerd, there is so much to learn and understand in the real world, why are you lost in virtual, spiritual, magical world?

4. I need variety. You can be the most mentally stimulating person in the world but I still need variety. I just need variety. It is not about you, it is about me. Conversations, connections and chatting give me validation, they are fuel to my engine. When I am with you, I wonder what am I missing out on? Please dont feel sad about it, see that's why I dont like feelings. Life is supposed to be fun not serious. I need to try out new things and meet new people. More I try, more I learn. I like mental and emotional freedom. I like playfulness and joy of living. Let's hangout for lunch tomorrow? That's how I like to bond and connect with you. I am not shallow, the right people will understand that I am a very fun and smart friend. You have emotional needs, I have mental needs. We are different. "Let's hangout for lunch tomorrow":

5. LMAO, that's my new joke. My mom was like... and my dad was like.... lmao, seriously that was so funny. You dont like jokes? You're offended, triggered, taking it personally? What even.. How can someone not like jokes? Laughter is the best medicine, my friend. I self actualize with jokes, I roast myself, I twist events to make them funny. I want people to have a fun time with me. I dont know how people can sit in silence and paint or draw or meditate for hours or enjoy their own company. I would rather play video games, watch TV, write some essay or shoot some video for YouTube or tiktok or Instagram-I need motion, movement, to do something. Next task ✅ Next task ✅ Next task ✅ I get bored if I stay at one place for too long.

Air men (sun in gemini/libra/aquarius//sun in 3rd/7th/11th house)

1. If you want to torture me, keep me isolated in a room. Social groups are where I thrive. I cannot stand solitude, simply because being solitary means to sit with my emotions, thoughts, insecurities, complexes and face them. I cannot do that, I just cannot.

2. Fortunately, my life theme attracts many opportunities to make friends/socialize/meet a lot of people on daily basis. Astrology not only tells personality traits but also life event patterns. 3rd, 7th, 11th houses deal with other people, networking, public interactions, connections and relationships, you see the association? Some are born lone wolf, we are not. I can never be a monk, I dont have the emotional discipline for that, though I can be your travel partner to Thailand when you visit a monastery, I love to explore new places.

3. I need you to like me, I am really good at studying others. I like to keep a lot of connections, I like to network with people, people are assets, friends for life, there is nothing much in life. Hanging out with friends, being around people, socializing makes me feel alive, rejuvenated and meaningful. I am a bit of chameleon, yeah so what, you are too. People are not one dimensional, what is this obsession with authenticity? Do you even know who you really are, duh!!

4. When I meet someone, I notice their desirable qualities, what makes them attractive, what is their best quality and I internalize that, make it my own, morph myself into a desirable person. More similar we are, stronger our bond will be. I know I am not authentic but it is simply not my nature to be so. Please appreciate me for what I am capable of offering you. I can be a really nice actor though, I have the charisma and versatility for it.

5. They call me charming. Because my personality shines. I am the person people approach when they are at the cashier. I am the person people approach when I am just minding my own business. I appear desirable, friendly and safe to people. You wouldn't approach an intimidating, stiff, serious person, will you? Let's see it this way, water man and I enter a bar. Bartender greets both of us. Water man emits vibes that provoke uncomfortable emotions, insecurities and traumatic memories in the bartender. But I emit vibes that are comfortable, friendly and safe to feel. I am more approachable. This is because I dont spend my time exploring my depths, complexes, psyche. I am the person who runs the community, I run the entertainment business, I run the economy. If everyone sat down to do self introspection and inner work then who will take care of the material world? See-leave it to me, I can handle that.

6. Though I make a loyal partner when I am mature. I am loyal because cheating is too much of mess for me for too little return. I am not really obsessed with power, I am the sigma not the alpha, we are equals, I dont want to be superior to you-I dont want power over you. I want to be your friend. I make love with my friend. You are my friend and you are my lover. I dont like power games. Though if I have fire/water placements too then I can be power centric otherwise I am just the equal dynamic type. I am a very balanced type of person.

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notsoattractivearenti · 10 months

Note

How about some Sonny angst - maybe him being rash/stressed out n breaking up (happy ending please). Or maybe some Sonny jealous imagine - will be amusing to see mr nice guy being all jealous n petty lol

ok i’m drawn at the second idea so gonna write that one! and this turns out to be WAYYYY longer than i expected lmao thanks for sending it in 🫶🏻

ps: i tried to make it gender neutral but somehow i ended up with female reader 😅 nonetheless pls enjoy!

—

You and Sonny have been involved in an undefined relationship for a while but nobody knows about your situation. Since Sonny is a very well-known football player in the world, you both thought keeping this “situationship” private would be the best thing to do. He also was very protective of you, so he would do anything to keep you safe especially from mean comments strangers would make just because you are seeing their favorite footballer. Even though you were clearly into each other, defining your relationship was something he was kept avoiding.

One day, you two decided to meet in a pub to have some drinks after his training. You arrived there first, sat on a booth then ordered your drink and snacks. As you were waiting for your boyfriend, a random guy came over to you.

“Hey, sorry, I couldn’t help but notice a beautiful person sitting here alone. May I sit here while you wait for… a friend?”

“Um, thanks but I’m good waiting by myself.” You politely refused his offer.

“Ah, okay,” he nodded, “but uh, I have to ask: are you single?”

“Uh…”

That simple question got you startled. Am I single? But I don’t think I am… Yet Sonny has never called me his girlfriend, hasn’t he? You thought to yourself.

Sonny walked into the pub and saw you – and the guy who was hitting on you. He frowned, why the fuck that guy leaning close to Y/N like that? He came closer and sat on the booth behind you, trying to eavesdrop the conversation.

Little did he know, you could smell his perfume. You knew he was there, yet he acted like he was being incognito. You thought this was an opportunity to see whatever reaction you might be getting from him.

“Why do you want to know whether I’m single or not?”

“Because you’re so fine and usually girls like you aren’t single,” he replied, “but lucky me if you are.”

You wanted to vomit but you had to act cool, you still haven’t had any reaction from Sonny.

“Oh wow, if I am what would you do?”

“I want to ask you out on a date, maybe… Soon?”

Good God, say something Sonny! You were pretty upset that he was still silent. What you didn’t know was that Son was already annoyed and about to be filled with rage – and ever since you first got to know him, he was always that “Mr. Nice Guy” people love so much.

“Here,” the guy grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from his pocket then hand it to you, “would you write down your name and number?”

You hesitated to give him your name let alone your number, so you wrote your real name but fake phone number.

“I’ll call you later,” he looked at the paper, “Y/N.”

As the guy walked away, Sonny moved away from his booth and came over to you – pretending he just arrived.

“Hey, sorry I’m late” He said flatly as he sat down across you.

“That’s fine.”

“So, was that guy a friend of yours I didn’t know about?”

“What guy?” You acted confused. “Oh, that guy? Nah, he was just hitting on me.”

“Oh,” he tried to hide his jealousy, “what did he say?”

“Doesn’t matter…” you paused. “Does it?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

“Did he ask for your number too?”

“Matter of fact, he did. And I gave it to him.”

He went silent for a while before murmuring “Good for you.”

Instead of being chatty like always, he barely said anything. He seemed very visibly upset but he wouldn’t admit he was jealous.

“Okay, I’ve had enough. If you have something you want to tell me, please, tell it to my face!” You confronted him.

He took a deep breath, trying not to lose his mind.

“I… I don’t like the fact that you gave another guy a chance to date you!”

“And why is that??? I mean, you can’t even call me your girlfriend! I don’t even know what we are!”

“I- You know what, that’s it.”

He got off his seat and walked over to the guy who hit on you before.

“Hey buddy, I’m gonna have to ask for my girlfriend’s numbers back.” He said to the guy as he pointed at you.

You heard him referring to you as “my girlfriend” for the first time and you felt happier than ever.

“Sorry, but she said she was single?”

“Well that’s my fault for not telling her soon, but she is not. She’s my girl and no one has a chance with her but me.”

“No,” the guy refused, “she gave it to me and I deserve to keep it.”

Sonny was about to lose his mind until you dragged him away before anything he would regret happened.

“Don’t be stupid, I didn’t gave him my real number.” You said quietly.

He looked confused. “Wha- Huh? Why?”

“I knew you were listening the whole time yet you didn’t do anything the whole time. I was just messing with you… Though I kinda regret it now.”

He shook his head. “Yeah, okay, that’s fair. Please don’t do that ever again.”

You smiled and kissed him.

“Of course I won’t… You’re my boyfriend now.” You said softly.

“Although…” you smirked, “you look hot when you’re jealous.”

His cheeks turned red. “Y/N… Stop!”

#son heung min #heung min son #sonny #son heung min imagines

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adorastarot · 8 months

Note

Hi, is yoongi fs a celebrity? And from your past reading you did mention that yoongi say that they are unique?? Is it their personalities?

Hi sweet! Thank you so much for being here, I hope you're well?! Ooooooooooo let's have a look?

♡ Want a personal reading? Check out my Ko-fi

Is Yoongi’s fs a celebrity?

The emperor, the tower, 7 of cups

Again, I feel like this person has not decided what they want to do with life, but I don’t see them as celebrities. They could eventually grow some fame, and before they even meet Yoongi they could have some fans due to their craft.

What makes the fs unique?

2 of cups, lovers, justice, temperance, emperor

I do feel like it will be their personality! This person is a lover through and through! Also, they are very beautiful! I am not saying they’re ugly but you know those people that have such a nice personality that they become beautiful even though they may look quite ordinary? That’s what this person is like! They are simply a stunning soul. They are very friendly and they love beautifully. They are very warm and loving, also they are interested in building long-term connections with those around them. They see people as their equals no matter what they do in life, making them very fair. At times they may even be a bit too modest?! This person could also be very chatty and they may have Gemini in a very prominent place in their chart! Very focused on helping, and would live their life for others before they do it for themselves, but once they have something that they want to do they are very stubborn. They genuinely take an interest in others and have the ability to make them feel good about themselves. Very selfless.

#bts tarot #kpop tarot #bts tarot readings #bts fs #yoongi tarot #yoongi fs #suga tarot #suga fs

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vodika-vibes · 5 months

Note

I was trying so hard to be good. To exercise some self control. Then you go and reblog response to “I want you.” And tag it with they may or may not be spicy or smutty. 😩.

Now I’m having naughty thoughts about Darman. That being said. I’d like to request Darman saying “I want you.” Me having an “oh” moment. Then him saying “I’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses.” It’s my turn to be clueless.

If you can find time because I know you’ve gotten very busy. I’m really enjoying the Mereel fics btw. 🥵

Please and thank you. 💕

Need

Summary: Darman has been acting strangely, and you finally have enough.

Pairing: Darman Skirata x Reader

Word Count: 741

Warnings: Suggestive, but not smutty

Tagging: @n0vqni

A/N: This was supposed to be smutty, but I couldn't make it work without rewriting the whole thing. 😔

Darman has been hanging around you more than usual lately. And while you don’t mind, he’s usually such good company, you’re beginning to get a little unnerved. As in, is he on bodyguard detail and just didn’t tell you, unnerved.

Normally you would ignore it, it would be an easy thing to ignore, you like spending time with Darman. But when he follows you to the store, and then to the hair salon, and then to the nail parlor-

Well, you’re a little spooked, to say the least.

So finally, after days of this, while you’re on a walk in the park, with Darman as your chatty shadow, you’ve had enough. You take his arm and tug him off the beaten path, the sheer anxiety you’re feeling is almost worth it for the startled look on his handsome face, honestly.

“Cyare-?”

“Am I in danger?” You blurt out.

“You…what?” He sets his hands on your shoulders, “Why would you be in danger?”

“You’ve been following me around like a particularly chatty shadow for days. And it’s kind of freaking me out.” You ramble, “Are you on bodyguard duty? Why didn’t you tell me? You’d tell me if I was in danger, right?”

“Cyare…I’m not on bodyguard detail,” Darman says slowly, “And so far as I’m aware, you’re not in any danger.”

“Then why are you following me everywhere?” You demand, “You never used to.”

He considers you for a moment, and then he smiles, “Because I want you.”

You blink at him once, twice, three times. “Oh.”

Darman’s smile is sly, “I’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses.” He teases.

“About what?”

“About the fact that I’ve been flirting with you for months now.” He says with a lazy grin, “How have you never noticed that I’m almost always touching you?”

You flush, “I thought you just…you know…liked touching people.”

He leans into your personal space, “I like touching you, cyare.” His gaze flicks down your body, obvious enough that you know that he wanted you to see that, “And oh, cyare, how I want to touch you.”

Your face flames, but you don’t really have anything to say to that.

Darman takes a step back so he’s leaning against a tree, and he folds his arms over his chest, “Of course, if you’re not interested-”

“I am!” You blurt quickly, and then you press your hands over your mouth, “Um…sorry.”

He grins at you, and holds out his hand for you, “Come here, pretty girl.” He all but purrs, and well…how could you possibly deny him?

You step closer to him and place your hand in his, and you release a squeak as he tugs you into his arms. One of his hands tangles in your hair, and he crashes his lips against yours.

“When I said I wanted you,” Darman mumbles against your lips, “I may have…understated a little bit.” He nips your lower lip, and then spins the pair of you so that your back is pressed against the tree, “What I meant to say is that I need you.” He rocks his hips against yours, “I’d have you right here and now, if you’d let me.”

You flush, and feel a surge of heat through your entire body, “I wouldn’t mind,” You whisper to him.

You feel Darman’s fingers flex in your hair, and there’s a flare desire on his face, “My beautiful minx,” he murmurs as he draws you into a deep kiss, “I need you so much…but I respect you too much to have sex with you out in a nature park.” He sounds amused, “Not yet, at least.”

You flush, “Not yet?”

He hums, “Give me some time to learn your body, and the best way to make you fall apart around me, and then we can revisit this location.”

You nod mutely, and then your fingers ghost against his jawline, “Darman,” His name falls from your lips in a sigh, “I want you just as much.”

He falters for a moment, and then he crashes his lips against yours once more. “Then let’s get back home so I can lock you in your quarters for the next couple of hours.”

“I…hours?” You ask, breathlessly.

“Hours.” He agrees with a slightly smug grin, “That genetically enhanced stamina is good for something, isn’t it?” And at that you release a slightly breathless laugh.

“Well,” You reply, “I can’t wait to experience it.”

#star wars #tcw #darman skirata x reader #darman x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #answered asks

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poindexters-labratory · 19 days

Text

Uhhhm, vent, I guess? I'm just trying to put my feelings into words because it bridges that gap between my thoughts and verbalizing.

Um, there's a bit of a breakdown, and I start talking to myself. Also, talking about emotional trauma. I just kinda wanted to get out somewhere. Sorry to use a public platform, but I don't really have a safe person to rely on.

I'm a very slow thinker. I always have been. I'm not witty or able to absorb information very quickly. I can pretend like I do, and it seems like I do, but my mannerisms and patterns of speech are a result of me desperately trying to keep up. Trying to keep my head above water.

My processing speed has always made me vulnerable. I can't keep up fast enough in open conversation when it comes to groups of people. On top of that, I have mild deafness in an ear on top of autism and ADHD, which makes audio processing extremely difficult. Over time, I've learned to become agreeable, easy to manage, and quiet.

But that life gets lonely. Listening in on conversations you'd like to be a part of, being the last one included, the last one invited, the last one considered, the first one abandoned. I wouldn't say that the experience has made me bitter or cold, but I do have some level of expected disappointment. And I get stressed when there's no attention put on me.

I've always been the kid who has been overlooked in class or at home. My family hardly knows what I want for my birthday, I don't have close friends, even when I like to say that everyone I talk with is my friend, I don't have a best friend. Everyone deserves to have a best friend, right?

It sucks to feel like I should apologize for being sensitive, for being quiet, for being naive, but I am. I feel like I'm no fun as a person. I'm literal, and we're living in an age where all our insecurities are hidden behind a layer of sarcasm and jokes that I just can't seem to wrap my head around. I'm easily scared by the jokes people say.

Not to mention traumatized from a life in an emotionally unstable environment. Terrified that if I made the tiniest mistake, the people around me would blow up in my face.

I weep for the child who learned how to open his school binder silently in class or hide in his room to avoid the potential of screaming downstairs.

The child who hid his entire personality for years to avoid conflict.

The child whose lost friend after friend, in every single location he's been to and left.

And I'm enraged. I had no other choice. And I'm scared. All my life, I've taught myself that if I just shut up, then no one will ever hurt me. If I just shut up, then I'll be safe from everyone.

"I'm too stupid for conversation anyway, I'm too slow to be a part of a group, to have a seat at the table, and I will finally be safe because the only things anyone has ever been interested in are shoving things that in the way and stepping on things that are too small."

That is a horrible thing for a child to convince himself of.

All of this is probably why I have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). I convince myself on especially bad days that I'm obviously just better even though I consciously know it not to be true, and everyone is jealous, and that's why no one is talking to you. I have this deep desire to be admired in impossible ways, and I struggle immensely when I have absolutely no attention.

I need people to love me. I shouldn't give a reason because if I was loved and given attention properly, then we would be here.

"Am I really that awful? I can't possibly be. I'm positively normal and well-mannered and polite. I'm almost too nice. Sickeningly sweet. If people see how good I can be, then there's no reason why they wouldn't want to be my friend, right?

But I don't want to be too overbearing. I don't want to be too chatty. People hate people who talk too much. Especially when they talk about the same thing for hours. Especially when they can't take the joke. Don't be so serious, don't be so concerned, just fade into the background, and be as unremarkable as possible.

But I'd like to be noticed. I want that attention. I want the attention for saying something, doing something. Make the conversation about me, talk to me. Please talk to me, don't you see me? Don't you know how cool and remarkable I am, I can do all these amazing things, and I know all this information. Won't you like me?"

I also expect people to read my mind because that's what I do for them. I wait and pray that someone will notice the person sitting in the corner by himself. It hasn't quite worked yet.

So, now I imagine myself sitting in a field surrounded by people rushing around me. And I'm waiting. I've been sitting in this field for a while, envious of the people who walk by with someone in tow. I would like to be someone's someone.

It would be a lie if I said I didn't think about it often. I'm not interested in romance, I just want someone to be silly with, who I'm safe with, who likes to fool around sometimes, who's just there with me. Hell, it doesn't have to be one person. I just love people. An extrovert who's all alone is so depressingly ironic.

I don't have the answers or the steps to find the answer, but I know that it will unfortunately take time. Life will continue, and I will continue it by myself until I fortunately don't have to anymore. Until I won't be alone anymore. I feel like it will take as much time as it needs to.

#vent post

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