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#i am sure they have went to every important place that will be relevant in the future

olderthannetfic · 29 days

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I thought it would be interesting to see if I could easily determine which ships had the most works updated in 2023.

It turned out to be fairly easy, though a little time consuming. I think these results should be reasonably accurate.

Some points to note:

I did this on my own account, and I have like 2 people muted. So I am capturing the effects of archive-locked works, but my numbers might be off by one or two works due to muting.

Works updated in 2023 is a number that constantly changes as works are deleted or updated again in 2024.

I didn't scrape the entire archive or anything like that, so it's possible I missed a ship that would bump one of these down below 100. I'd take the last few at the bottom there with a grain of salt. But I think we can be reasonably sure the top ones are accurate and that the kinds of numbers that we see at the bottom there (eighteen hundred plus works updated in 2023) are about where the cutoff will be even if we find a ship I missed.

As for how I did this, I went to the category tags and the rating tags, filtered for updating in 2023, then excluded ships in the sidebar till I got to 130-150 ships excluded. I also grabbed ships that are big in general from tag search, which you can use to find all relationship canonicals, ordered by frequency.

I combined those lists of ships, cleaned off the works numbers, and generated a list without duplicates. That got me three hundred and something (yes, they were mostly duplicates). I generated the relevant AO3 URLs, opened them in batches with Open Multiple URLs, and copied the works totals into a spreadsheet. Not as tidy as using a script but honestly pretty easy if you know a few spreadsheet formulas to clean up data.

The key here is that if you're only going for pretty good and not accurate beyond a shadow of a doubt, all you need to do is generate a list of likely ships, then check them.

It's possible that there's some much-updated ship that is so evenly spread across these various other tags that it just missed showing up in the sidebar. Hopefully, grabbing more than just the top 100 avoided this problem.

This method also doesn't take into account backdated works. If a whole archive was imported in 2023 but all backdated, there could be some ship that didn't have new works but where AO3 users experience in 2023 was of an influx of content.

I also did this just now, in late March/early April, so some 2023 works have inevitably been deleted or updated again. So the exact work counts don't represent the experience of using AO3 throughout 2023. A fandom active in early 2023 might not have much updating in early 2024, while a fandom active in late 2023 would. This could demote the latter a few places in the rankings since I didn't grab numbers on January 1st.

Even if a person scraped AO3 every day or was monkeying around in the databases, you also have to ask what conceptual answer you're after. Is it works a user could have read at some point during 2023, whether they were deleted by the year's end or not? Is it new-to-AO3 works or only newly-created ones, not including imported archives? Does it matter if the works are fic? If they're in English? What about accidental double-uploads or translations of a single work?

I hope this makes it clear why a definitive ranking is not actually possible.

However, despite these drawbacks, I am confident that the rankings above accurately represent the broad trends on AO3 in 2023. Just don't get too fixated on whether a ship should be at number 73 or number 74.

And, of course, I excluded these from the top 100:

Original Character(s)/Original Character(s) - 20,026

Minor or Background Relationship(s) - 16,187

No Romantic Relationship(s) - 8,052

Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s) - 7,195

Original Male Character/Original Male Character - 6,283

Other Relationship Tags to Be Added - 5,618

Original Female Character(s)/Original Female Character(s) - 3,990

Original Character(s) & Original Character(s) - 3,210

Here's a spreadsheet if you want to see the actual numbers not as a shitty screencap. I left the next few below 100 for context.

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clownrecess · 1 year

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(tw for talk of medical environments and ableism)

I want to talk about medical appointments as a nonspeaking AAC user, because it is both important, and relevant to me as I went to the optometrist yesterday.

One of the biggest difficulties I face is the lack of understanding and awareness among healthcare professionals when it comes to AAC devices and nonspeaking people. Sometimes, doctors and nurses are not familiar with how to use or communicate effectively with AAC users, which can lead to miscommunication and frustration on both sides. Yesterday, one of the staff members who was taking photos of the backs of my eyes wasn't informed I am nonspeaking (I'm not sure why she wasn't told), and so when she asked me a question I held up two fingers to gesture that the second option was the correct one, and she was visibly confused, and I was really anxious. My mother then answered for me, as my device was on the floor where I couldn't reach it because I wasn't aware I would need to answer a question.

The rest of the appointment (after she was told that I am nonspeaking) that specific staff member would ignore my presence and act like I am incompetent.

Luckily, not all doctors are like this. The doctor who did the majority of my appointment was understanding, and was patient with both me and my device. I appreciated her greatly.

Unfortunately, most arent like the good one. The majority of doctors I have interacted with whilst using AAC don't take me seriously, talk only to my mom, and sometimes try to take my device away when it is fully unnecessary to do so.

Furthermore, there is often a lack of time and resources dedicated to ensuring that AAC users have equal access to healthcare. This can result in appointments feeling rushed, and healthcare providers may not take the time to fully understand and address our concerns.

Another issue (this one affecting specifically adults who use AAC, so I haven't experienced it yet) is that when making appointments over the phone, our device's voice may be dismissed as a spam caller.

I wish that doctors (in every field) were more educated on nonspeaking people and AAC users. We are disabled, and disabled people are obviously more likely to go to the doctor more frequently, so it would be insanely helpful. I have a bone scan coming up soon, and I am very nervous about it for this reason. (Luckily it is taking place at a hospital I've had mostly good experiences with, so hopefully it'll be all good.)

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reunionatdawn · 25 days

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A Midsummer Night's Dream: Analyzing the Romantic Subtext of (Japanese) KH 358/2 Days

Day 94 ~Hearts~

Roxas: What are we fighting for? Axel: We're fighting for the greater Kingdom Hearts, didn't you see it today? Roxas: [...] Is Kingdom Hearts really that important? Axel: Hey, what are you talking about now? Roxas: But, since I don't have a heart, I don't really understand. Axel: Roxas... If you had a heart, you'd surely understand. That's why we're seeking hearts, right? Roxas: I see... That's right...

I will be using my own translations for most of this meta, because nuance is very often lost in the localization process. The mission for this day took place at the Beast's Castle. Roxas was intrigued that the Beast was personally fighting the Heartless even though he had servants. He had an important reason to fight, something to protect.

This only made Roxas question whether he had any good reason to fight Heartless himself. When he used the word "important" he used "大切な" (taisetsuna). It tends to emphasize emotional or sentimental value rather than practical importance. And in Japanese, it was a tiny bit more suggestive that Axel already knew why having a heart was so important. He already had his own reason to fight.

Day 94: The plan is proceeding smoothly, but... (Saïx) Thanks to Roxas and Xion, the wielders of the Keyblade, hearts have converged, and the great Kingdom Hearts has appeared before us. Our objective is being achieved. Every plan is proceeding smoothly. The fact that everything is going so smoothly is cause for concern, but perhaps I am overthinking it.

In both the Japanese and English versions, Saïx expressed paranoia about how smoothly the process of completing Kingdom Hearts was going. The phrase, "The course of true love never did run smooth" is one of the most famous quotes from A Midsummer Night's Dream. Essentially, the quote suggests that real love is not always easy or straightforward; it requires effort, perseverance, and the ability to overcome obstacles. This quote is relevant because there is evidence that the entire game's narrative was inspired by that play. It's similar to how Versus XIII was originally going to be inspired by Hamlet.

Day 96 ~Xion's Keyblade~

Sora: Kairi, you can't come. Kairi: Why not? Sora: I can't risk putting you in any more danger. Kairi: But we've faced danger together before, haven't we? I get more anxious when I'm alone. Sora: Even if you're not with us, Kairi, we're not alone anymore. Right? Kairi: Am I a hindrance? Sora: Well, yeah, kind of. Kairi: I see. Okay then. Take this. It's an important charm, so make sure to give it back!

In both the novel and manga, Xion mentioned that she could still feel the warmth of Roxas's hand on his Keyblade. It was meant to bring to mind several scenes from KH1, such as when Sora regained his ability to use the Keyblade, as well as when Kairi gave Sora her lucky charm. Wherever he went, she'd always be with him in his heart.

Axel: Oh, Roxas, are you going to Beast's Castle? I went to investigate yesterday, but those Heartless seemed pretty tough. He might have a hard time alone~. Saïx: Are you suggesting they both go together? Axel: I'm heading to Agrabah. Is that a problem? Saïx: Can you handle defeating the Heartless in Agrabah? Axel: It's fine. I'm strong enough.

The "~" is often used to indicate a trailing off or unfinished thought, similar to an ellipsis (...) in English. It suggests that the speaker is leaving the sentence open-ended or implying that there is more to say but chooses not to express it explicitly.

Axel: Heartless, why do they move so annoyingly? Thanks to them, I got hit. Roxas: Weren't you supposed to be strong? Axel: That's a separate issue.

I think it's more obvious in Japanese that Axel was trying to convince Saïx to let them go together by reminding him of some past situation when Isa relied on Lea in a similar way, leaving him to face a tough situation all by himself. The idea for Roxas to work twice as hard to make up for Xion's uselessness was Axel's idea, after all.

Xion: It's all thanks to Roxas and Axel. Axel: I didn't do anything. Xion: In the morning, you arranged for us to go on the mission together. Roxas: If it weren't for you, Xion might not have been able to reclaim her Keyblade. Xion: Thanks, Axel.

On Day 72 called "Change," Axel was bothered that Saïx didn't even seem worried about him while he was away at Castle Oblivion. And he did not thank him for doing his dirty work (even at the risk of his own life) when he returned. It was the first thing he mentioned. But Roxas and Xion thanked Axel profusely for his help. And it just seemed to make Axel very depressed.

Axel: How about a sea-salt ice cream? With that, this incident will be water under the bridge.

In English, Day 8 is the day Axel treats Roxas to ice cream and it is called "Icing on the Cake". In Japanese, it's called "ごほうび" (gohoubi). It means "reward" or "prize". It refers to something given in recognition of one's efforts or achievements, often as an incentive or encouragement. It's interesting because Axel didn't like the taste of sea-salt ice cream anymore. In the opening song, he grimaced when he first bit into it. He was only eating it due to its sentimental value.

Roxas: It would be nice if we could always be together like this. Axel: Where did that come from all of a sudden? Roxas: I was thinking it would be nice if every day, after our missions, the three of us could eat ice cream together and watch the sunset. Axel: Well, that's an impossible wish. After all, we're Nobodies.

Axel was pretty blunt here with his cynical outlook.

Pence: I wonder if we can always be together. Olette: I hope so. Hayner: Huh? What's with the sudden talk? Pence: Oh, just thinking. Hayner: Well, realistically, I doubt it. But that's just how it goes when you become an adult, right? What's important isn't how many times we meet, but how many times we think of each other.

Because he was already an adult.

Axel: What's important isn't seeing each other every day. It's more important to always think about each other, even when we can't meet. ...Got it memorized? Roxas: That doesn't suit you. Axel: Shut up.

In the DS version, after his blunt comment, Roxas and Xion lowered their heads. And it was only then that Axel changed his tone. When he used the word "important" he also used "taisetsuna". It would sound quite sentimental, so it's a bit out-of-character for him at this moment in the story. Axel didn't laugh along with Roxas and Xion when they started teasing him. Because his comment wasn't really directed at them. He had only known them a few months and didn't feel particularly sentimental towards them, at least not yet.

Day 96: Friends (Axel) Recently, I feel like I spend more time talking with Roxas and Xion than with my original comrade Saïx. So this is what having friends feels like.

That comment was said with Saïx in mind. On Day 75, Axel told Roxas and Xion that he didn't have a best friend. He used to. But they didn't have the same type of relationship they had as kids anymore. it had been so long since they had spent time hanging out and eating ice cream together that Axel forgot what friendship even felt like.

Day 117 ~Secrets~

(KH2 Novel) Naminé: Do you think Nobodies really don't have hearts? Who told Axel he doesn't have one? The heart—there are secrets that—

There were many "Secrets" being referenced on this day. The first was the secret of the heart, which Naminé alluded to in the KH2 novelization. This day showed how Axel had begun to grow a heart. He was annoyed that Saïx didn't knock, and he wanted him to get out of his room as soon as possible because it hurt to be around him.

Saïx: "The Chamber of Waking," contrasting with the "Chamber of Repose," holds a true purpose that Xemnas has not disclosed to anyone. Clues to this lie within the "Chamber of Waking." If we seize them, we can gain the upper hand, even concerning our objectives.

Saïx's main priority was completing Kingdom Hearts. But he didn't trust Xemnas and suspected that he had a secret agenda, which turned out to be true, as we saw in Dream, Drop, Distance.

Xion: When I sit here and talk with you guys… I get the strangest feeling… that a long time ago, I used to watch the sunset with somebody else. It's the same when I watch the sea. Someplace by the sea…where I hear the sound of the waves… I get the feeling that I was talking with someone. [...] You have memories, don't you, Axel? Axel: Well, sort of. Even if I do have them, they're not of any use at all.

Another secret was related to Xion's birth. Axel wanted to go to Castle Oblivion because he was curious about her origins. Xion remembered Kairi watching the sunset and telling Sora not to change. It was one of Sora's most precious memories and it was why Xion could awaken a heart. And it was also meant to depict Kairi's anxiety and loneliness over how, as we get older, we find a distance growing between us and our close friends. And that's something she had in common with Axel.

Day 118: What's Changed... (Axel) When I talk with Roxas and Xion, I often reminisce about my days as a human. Reflecting on various childhood memories, I find myself feeling inexplicably strange. I should be able to have such conversations with Saïx, but strangely, I don't feel inclined to do so. It's just a strange sense of nostalgia. It's not me who's changed... it's you.

Based on subtext, we can probably assume that Axel began to awaken a heart by spending time with Roxas and Xion because they reminded him of his childhood. Therefore, Axel's memories of the time he spent with Isa were implied to be his most precious.

Day 119 ~Accomplishment~

Day 119: Hearts and Emotion (Xaldin) Observing that foolish beast, one can see clearly how humans are often governed by trivial matters. It was precisely because we did not desire to be ruled by emotions that we chose to become Nobodies. It was much later that we realized the magnitude of that loss. While we understand that there are things that cannot be accomplished without a heart, emotions are still unpleasant.

The above quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream was spoken by the character Helena. It reflects the theme of love's unpredictability and irrationality that runs throughout the play. It suggests that the pursuit of love can often defy logical reasoning and that the dictates of the heart may not always conform to the dictates of reason.

Xaldin: If it's something he treasures, it means his heart is captive to it… When the heart is stolen, that becomes a weakness. Roxas: The heart is stolen…? I don't quite understand.

Once again, the word "大切" (taisetsu) was used, to indicate that the Beast fought so hard to protect the rose because he placed value on it for some emotional reason rather than for its practical utility. Xaldin's goal was to use the Beast's weakness to literally steal his heart and turn him into a Heartless. Idiomatically, to have one's heart stolen refers to intense feelings of romantic attraction or love.

Roxas: I understand what [the Beast] treasures now. Xion: What he treasures...? Roxas: But Xaldin said that could become his weakness. Xion: Can something valuable become a weakness? Roxas: I'm not sure... Xion: I wish Axel would come back soon...

Roxas and Xion figured that Axel would surely understand this concept and explain it to them. And in KH2, Axel was desperate to turn Sora into a Heartless, and he knew the way to do that was by targeting the person who stole his heart, which was Kairi.

Ansem's Report 4 Heartless are born from those who have their hearts stolen, and they proliferate by stealing them from other beings. What's stolen by the Heartless becomes the nourishment for creating new Heartless. While there's no certainty, I am confident in my theory. Let's verify it further by providing a large number of organisms. Furthermore, we must continue researching the behavioral principles of Heartless.

We can probably assume, based on the Ansem's Reports from KH1, that Xaldin and Axel both knew all about this principle because of their involvement in Xehanort's research as apprentices.

Ansem's Report 8 Heartless are naturally born from those who have lost their hearts. If we apply the principle of the heart, could we not synthesize them? Thinking so, I utilized the results of previous research to complete the device. When I tentatively activated it, the Heartless emerged without any problems. If we further improve this device, it may even be possible to generate them from nothing.

The experiment to generate Heartless using the device in the Heartless Manufactory was the topic of Ansem's Report 8 in KH1. During that experiment, the "principle of heart" was used.

Xemnas: The experiment to generate Heartless was an attempt to control the mind and abandon the ego. Even if we made one lose their heart that way, one could still harbor a heart in their body, which serves as a vessel.

And it's clearer in the Japanese version of KH3D that this Heartless-generating experiment was conducted for the purpose of creating a vessel. It's important to note that the word for "mind" is "精神" (seishin). It refers to the mind, spirit, or consciousness of a person.

(KH2 Novel) Saïx: How do you expect to protect anything when you've cloaked yourself in darkness? You sold your soul for power. Was it worth it?

"Seishin" can also mean "soul". While "soul" is a more metaphysical and spiritual concept in English, "seishin" encompasses both the psychological and spiritual dimensions of human consciousness in Japanese. During the experiment, the intended target was most likely Lea. Isa was probably just meant to be his weakness. But Isa probably sold his mind/soul for power in order to protect Lea. And that would most likely be the origin of his beastly berserker state, as well as why Isa became the vessel instead of Lea.

Day 150 ~Fear~

Xion: One more time... please! Saïx: We don't have that much time on our hands. It's clear you were just a failure, after all.

It's important to note that Saïx used the word "失敗作" (shippaisaku) here. It means "failure" or "failed work." Also, there was a slight change in the localization during this conversation. Saïx didn't say they couldn't afford to waste any more chances. He said they couldn't afford to waste any more time. It's subtle, but it's significant.

Xaldin: Ah… If something isn't done before that rose withers, it seems the curse he was placed under won't be lifted. Roxas: Come to think of it, the servant guy said our time left is short. Xaldin: …He did say that… The curse… the Beast's form… the rose… Hehehe… This could be useful.

In English, you miss out on the uncanny similarity between Saïx and the Beast. They're both cursed, they both wish to become human once more, and both are running out of time. The subtext implies that Saïx wanted to complete Kingdom Hearts because he wanted to love and be loved in return. For who could ever love a beast? Saïx even has a weapon called "Werewolf," a beast tied to the full moon.

Day 150: Handling Xion (Saïx) Is it about time the limit of the replica has been reached? I thought the plan was going smoothly, but ultimately, it's just a puppet… So, of course there's been a problem, after all. I completely fail to understand how this puppet can weigh so heavily on Axel and Roxas's minds. Perhaps we should also consider how to deal with Xion going forward.

"The course of true love never did run smooth". Saïx thought the plan was going smoothly, but of course, it's never so easy. Technically, they would be able to complete Kingdom Hearts with just Roxas. As long as they had one Keybalde wielder, Xion wasn't truly needed. Saïx was quite displeased that Axel was treating Xion as protectively as he used to treat him. And due to that, he wanted to dispose of her.

Roxas: Axel, is there something you don't want to lose? Axel: Something I don't want to lose? Why the sudden question? Roxas: I met someone today who has something they don't want to lose. It's something really precious to them. Xaldin said it could become their weakness. I don't have anything like that... Axel: Well, that's obvious since we don't have hearts. Roxas: Do you think so? For example, if we took away Demyx's sitar, he'd probably object. Axel: Well... I suppose that's true. Even without hearts, there are things we don't want to lose. In that case, for us Nobodies, the things we don't want to lose might be our past memories. Past memories create the things we don't want to lose.

The memories Roxas made since joining the Organization were all he had. That's what he couldn't bear to lose. But what Axel couldn't bear to lose were the memories of his past. His human days. On Day 117, he told Xion that his memories were of no use. He used the phrase "役にも" (yaku ni mo). It means "useful" or "helpful." It indicates that something serves a purpose in some practical way.

But again, the word "taisetsuna" was used, which tends to emphasize emotional or sentimental value rather than practical importance. We can probably conclude that what Axel couldn't bear to lose were his memories of Isa. Because Isa was what he was afraid to lose when he was a human. But since Isa changed, memories were all Axel had left.

Day 152 ~The Wrong Button~

"The lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact. One sees more devils than vast hell can hold: That is the madman. The lover, all as frantic." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

There exists a cultural belief that the full moon is tied to mood swings, also known as the "lunar effect" or "lunar influence". "Xion" sounds like "潮" (shio) which is the Japanese word for "tide". And it is the moon's gravitational effect that has an influence on the tides. Symbolically, it was fitting that Saïx was the one who triggered Xion's mood swing and caused her to doubt her purpose for fighting.

The quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream was spoken by Theseus. He suggests that lunatics, lovers, and poets are all deeply influenced by their imaginations. Their thoughts and perceptions are shaped by the creative and often irrational workings of the mind.

The lunatic perceives imaginary demons and threats that aren't present in reality. His mind is consumed by delusions and irrational fears. Similarly, the lover is described as "frantic," indicating that love can also be a state of heightened emotion and irrationality. The lover's imagination may lead them to idealize their beloved or perceive obstacles that aren't actually there.

Axel: ...Girls are complicated, you know. Roxas: How did you know I was thinking about Xion? Axel: Because you're simple, Roxas. Well, all Nobodies are simple, but... Roxas: Are humans complicated? Axel: More complicated than Nobodies, but girls are even more complicated.

Axel obviously thought that Roxas and Xion had a little lovers' spat. And since Roxas had slowly been developing some kind of feelings for Xion due to the influence of Sora's memories of Kairi, that's probably an accurate assumption. Axel just laughed it off because he thought Roxas's infatuation was making him act paranoid.

Axel called Roxas "単純" (tanjun). It means "simple" or "plain." It can refer to something that is easy to understand, uncomplicated, or straightforward. It can also imply a lack of complexity or sophistication. Additionally, it can be used to describe a person who is straightforward or uncomplicated in their thinking or behavior.

(KH Days Novel) "Is this about the defective thing in our midst?" asked Saïx. "Am I that easy to read?" Axel shrugged. "Yes, because you're completely guileless. You always were." "Excuse me? Were you always such a jerk?" Axel retorted, taking a seat on a shelf across from Saïx.

Axel was always giving Roxas advice on matters of the heart based on his own personal experience. Because this day was about the differences between men and women, it's easy to assume that it wasn't about Saïx. But in the novel, Saïx also calls Axel "単純" (tanjun) after Xion collapsed and he was in a bad mood.

In many cultures, the moon is seen as a symbol of feminine energy and is associated with emotions, intuition, and the subconscious mind. Saïx has a few weapons named "Selene" and "Artemis". The writers chose two lunar goddesses from Greek mythology, even though they could easily have chosen male lunar deities such as Chandra or Thoth. This was to associate him with femininity.

Saïx's default weapon called "Lunatic". He also has a weapon called "Crescent" which is part of the Wild Gear set. It is shaped like the symbol for Black Moon Lilith (⚸). She is associated with primal feminine energy and the shadow self. She embodies the darker aspects of the feminine psyche and represents the shadow side of femininity, including themes of rage, jealousy, and vengefulness.

Day 171 ~Love~

Xaldin: However… the notion of love for a beast…is truly foolish. Roxas: Love? …What is love? Xaldin: It refers to the emotions that are budding between those two. Roxas: Emotions… Xaldin: Hmph… The power of love is nonsense. Roxas: The power of love? Is it some kind of special power?

One of the most famous quotes from A Midsummer Night's Dream is spoken by the character Puck. It reflects his observation of the foolishness and irrational behavior of humans, particularly in matters of love and romance. It has become an iconic quote and is often cited in discussions of human folly and the whims of love.

Roxas: What is love? Axel: Huh? Roxas: How can the power of love be born? Axel: Love is a special power that only humans possess. Roxas: Nobodies don't have it? Axel: Those kinds of things require a heart. Roxas: ... ... ...

Roxas wasn't particularly motivated to complete Kingdom Hearts on Day 94. But on this day, he seemed fascinated with the idea that he could love someone when it was complete. Roxas is simple. It's probably safe to assume that his interest in love had to do with Xion.

Axel: It's born only between beings that are special and more than just friends. That's love. Roxas: More than friends... so like best friends? Axel: It's a bit different from best friends... Roxas: Is there a relationship above best friends? Axel: It's not about above or below. Roxas: I don't really understand... Axel: Well, we don't have hearts, so it's irrelevant to us. Roxas: If we had hearts...would we understand? Axel: Once Kingdom Hearts is completed, you'll understand too.

Axel suggested that once Kingdom Hearts was completed, Roxas would also be able to understand love like humans could. The Japanese wording doesn't explicitly state whether Axel himself already understood or not. But based on the subtext, we can probably assume that he already knew what it was like to feel love. He loved his best friend and wanted to experience that feeling again.

Day 171: Project "No.i" (Saïx) Xion failed her mission. If this state continues in the future, it would be better to eliminate this replica and proceed with copying using the next one, which should result in a replica with higher capabilities. After all, "No.i" is part of the initial batch, so there are concerns about its abilities. The current situation could also be perceived as a malfunction. What on earth is Xemnas thinking?

On this day, Saïx was more determined than ever to dispose of Xion. Of course, as the Shakespeare quotes suggest, he was being entirely irrational and perceiving a threat that wasn't really there.

Day 172 ~Sound of the Surf~

Saïx: Xion is sleeping right now. Even if you go, you won't be able to do anything. Roxas: It's not about whether I can do anything or not! Saïx: Why are you so concerned about such a failure? Roxas: Failure? Are you talking about Xion?

In Carl Jung's psychology, the concept of the mirror is often used metaphorically to represent the relationship between the conscious ego and the unconscious shadow. The shadow encompasses traits, desires, impulses, and emotions that individuals find unacceptable or shameful, and that they may be repressing. That's why Aqua's shadow-self emerged from the magic mirror.

Jung proposed that individuals often project their unconscious shadow qualities onto others, perceiving them as externalized aspects of themselves. Like a mirror, other people and external events reflect back to us aspects of our own psyche that we may not be aware of or are reluctant to acknowledge.

Saïx: Regardless of what happens to it, it's none of your concern. Roxas: Whether it's my concern or not doesn't matter. Saïx: What's the point of worrying about "something that doesn't exist"? Roxas: We're all in the same boat when it comes to things that don't exist.

Xemnas wasn't bothered by Xion's failure to defeat Riku. Saïx simply wanted to dispose of her because he was jealous. So, he projected aspects of himself that he hated onto her. It all gave me the impression that Isa was probably bad at fighting, failed his missions as an apprentice, and relied on Lea to do most of the work for him.

Saïx: Even if Xion were to break, it wouldn't change your position.

Saïx seemed unable to comprehend that Roxas was motivated by emotions and not because of any practical reasons.

Roxas: Saïx called Xion a failure... Axel: ...Xion is less of a failure than I am.

On this day, when Saïx called Xion a "failure", he used the word "出来損ない" (dekisokonai). The literal translation is "poorly made" or "botched," but it is usually used in a figurative sense. It refers to something or someone that is a failure, disappointment, or underachiever. It can be used to describe something that didn't turn out as expected or desired, or someone who hasn't lived up to their potential. Axel would get the sense that Saïx was referring Xion's failure to complete the missions and not necessarily anything more.

"You are to discover the identity of the outsider," he told her. "Those are direct orders from Lord Xemnas. Failure is the same as insubordination. You understand that, don't you?" "Wha…?" Xion had no idea that Xemnas had chosen her for this mission. To the best of her knowledge, Saïx was the one in charge of assigning tasks.

However, in both the novel and manga, Saïx told Xion that Xemnas had personally assigned her the mission and that if she failed, it would be the same as insubordination, which is defined as intentional defiance of authority or refusal to obey orders.

Day 172: The Meaning of Words (Axel) There must be a hidden meaning behind Saïx's words. Why doesn't Xion have the qualifications of an Organization member? Saïx said it is what it looks like. Is he implying that she resembles Naminé in some way? It's hard to believe that there's no connection between Naminé and Xion. But then, whose Nobody is Xion? What is Saïx hiding?

So, there may have been a deeper meaning behind Saïx's usage of the word "failure". It potentially means being a traitor. A recusant. And if Xion were labeled a recusant, she would be eliminated.

Day 193 ~Memories~

Day 193: Dreams, or Memories? (Xion) I finally wake up, just to pass out again? Why? Because I'm a failure? I dreamt the whole while I was out. It was something nostalgic, but what? Why can't I remember? It could be a key memory from my human life. All I can remember is the sound of waves, gentle, in the distance.

In A Midsummer Night's Dream, Helena reflected on how sleep can sometimes provide temporary relief from feelings of sorrow or sadness. Sleep has the ability to close the metaphorical "eye" of sorrow, offering a brief respite from emotional pain. Xion was constantly dreaming about Sora. She wanted to go back "home".

Saïx: It's better for you not to move yet. [...] Roxas is scheduled to go on today's mission with Axel. Your presence is not planned. Xion: I want to go too. I want to limber up a bit. Axel: How about I go as a guardian? Saïx: ... ... ... ...Understood. Do as you please.

Saïx knew what was going on with Xion absorbing Roxas's memories. He knew she was gonna collapse. He only agreed to let them go when Axel offered to go, too. Because he was trying to hurt Axel.

Saïx: In the end, it collapsed again. The failure. Roxas: Don't say it like that...! Axel: Shut your mouth.

Here, Saïx used the word "shippaisaku" again instead of "dekisokonai". Both words refer to something that is considered a failure or disappointment, but there are subtle differences in nuance. "Dekisokonai" can be used broadly to describe various types of failures or shortcomings, such as Xion failing her missions.

"Shippaisaku" is more commonly used to describe unsuccessful creations or projects. It gives off a dehumanizing feel, like you're talking about a thing rather than a person. Axel was very angry, and not just because Saïx called Xion a bad name. That word was triggering to him. After all, the day was called "Memories".

Subject X and Notes on Mental Experimentation 2 During the initial experiment, several candidates were tested, but they all broke down mentally. I did not want anything to happen to her, my special subject. In the midst of all this, it was revealed to my mentor that I had used numerous subjects for testing and repeated experiments. The results of the tests were severely criticized, the research was terminated, and the results destroyed. Not only that, but she disappeared along with the release of many subjects. Where are the subjects now?

Xehanort used "特別な" (tokubetsu na) to refer to Subject X. It means "special" or "unique." It refers to something or someone that is distinctive, extraordinary, or holds significance beyond the ordinary. It implies a sense of rarity, importance, or exceptional value. Roxas and Xion were both special, too. They were all objectively special.

Axel also used "tokubetsu na" to describe how love is only born between people who are special to each other. Isa was probably not considered special like Subject X was. In an objective sense, he was probably considered to be pretty worthless, actually. He was only "special" in a subjective sense because of Lea's feelings for him.

Saïx: ...You've changed. What happened in Castle Oblivion? Are you ready to discard the past?

That was Saïx's only source of value, and he thought Xion threatened to take that away from him. He thought Axel changed because the past was no longer important to him. But that wasn't the case.

Axel: You passed, Sora. You have the power. The power to walk through Castle Oblivion. Guided by memories burned into your heart and precious memories on the brink of being forgotten, you will encounter precious people. Goofy: Can we meet the king? Axel: Think again about who is the most precious to you. The more precious the feelings, the deeper they are hidden in the heart— unable to be recalled. Sora, you must have such memories too. Sora: Me too? Axel: You've lost sight of the light in the darkness, to the point where you've forgotten that you've lost it. [...] But I'll give you a warning. When sleeping memories awaken, you may not be yourself anymore.

The romantic subtext between Roxas and Xion was quite obvious due to their connections to Sora and Kairi. Xion was precious to Roxas because he possessed Sora's most precious memories, which were those of Kairi, the girl who was special to him.

The romantic subtext between Axel and Saïx was a lot more subtle, but it was still there. Axel's memories of Isa were equivalent to Sora's memories of Kairi. After Castle Oblivion, he remembered his most precious person and he was always projecting those precious memories onto Xion. And that was what caused him to change.

Roxas: ...Are you worried about Xion too? Axel: Of course.

During her dream, Xion was reliving the moment when Sora turned the Keyblade on himself and turned into a Heartless. It was probably the same type of situation with Axel. He seemed to be reminded of something with the sleeping Xion, similar to how the sleeping Roxas reminded Xemnas of when Ventus collapsed. Isa was probably imprisoned in the Chamber of Repose after the failed experiment, similar to Subject X when they first met her.

Roxas: It feels kind of strange. Axel: What do you mean? Roxas: Axel, you hate annoying things, right?

In the localization, Roxas said Axel hates "complications". But I don't think that got the intended message across. Roxas used the word "面倒くさい" (mendokusai). It means "troublesome" or "bothersome". It is often used to describe tasks, situations, or people that are annoying or inconvenient. And that idea fits more with Axel's catchphrase where he always gets stuck with the unpleasant jobs.

Axel: Hey, Roxas... Why do you think we're eating ice cream together every day in that place? Roxas: ...Huh? Axel: I don't have any use for it. If you think about it normally, it's just a hassle, isn't it? [...] Want me to tell you? It's because we're best friends.

Axel used the word "用" (yō). It has several meanings, including "use," "purpose," or "need." He wanted to emphasize that best friends don't value each other for how useful they are in a practical sense. Eating ice cream together has no objective purpose, but that doesn't matter.

Day 255 ~The Longest Day~

"Things base and vile, holding no quantity, love can transpose to form and dignity. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

The above A Midsummer Night's Dream quote is also one of the play's most famous and iconic. And it encapsulates one of the biggest themes of the 358/2 Days narrative. Love is a transformative force that transcends physical appearance and superficial qualities. Love depends not on an objective assessment of appearance or value but rather on an individual perception of the beloved.

The third eye (also called the mind's eye) is an invisible eye, located on the forehead, which provides perception beyond ordinary sight. And I thought it was very interesting that Saïx's scar was located over his third eye, and he was the only one unable to "see" Xion. It does suggest that some sort of mental experimentation was performed.

Axel stared at him as if trying to figure something out and then grinned. "Right, that first week you could barely form a sentence."

The game began with a preview of Day 255, which was called "The Longest Day." The summer solstice, also known as midsummer, marks the longest day of the year and the shortest night, with the sun reaching its highest point in the sky. A Midsummer Night's Dream is set around the time of the summer solstice. The themes of love, transformation, and the blurring of reality and fantasy were heightened by the setting of the summer solstice. And those themes were also present in the narrative of 358/2 Days as well.

(KH Days Novel) The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering. If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed. A phantom sun. Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

On Day 96 of the novelization, Axel closed his eyes until he could only see the illusion of the sunset in his mind. And he remembered that someone else told him about the red sunset. There's really no one else it could have been but Isa. It was one of the most precious memories sleeping deep in the shadows of Axel's heart.

Roxas: I don't remember anything before joining the Organization, so for the first few days, I was just in a daze. After that, I wanted to remember everything properly. Axel: Yeah, for about the first week, you couldn't even talk properly, and you're still kind of out of it. Roxas: That's harsh! Axel: Hey Roxas, do you know why the sunset is red? Light comes in different colors, and among them, red reaches the farthest distance. That's why. Roxas: Why are you so proud of that, Axel?

Axel looked off the side before telling Roxas about the red sunset, indicating it was something he'd just remembered in that moment. And his Japanese voice acting during that scene was so nostalgic and wistful. Again, based on subtext, I suspect it was probably the first thing Isa said to him after he became lucid again after his mental breakdown. Which was why Roxas's comment made him remember.

Roxas: Seriously, where is she?

And in Japanese, the day has another meaning. "長い日" (nagai hi) refers to a day that feels exceptionally long or seems to drag on due to various factors such as boredom, exhaustion, or a heavy workload. In Axel's case, it was because he was dreading telling Roxas the news.

276 ~Disorder~

Xion: Is it that I'm not supposed to exist? Axel: Well, what do you want to do, Xion? Xion: I want…I want to be with you two. Roxas: Then come back with us. Xion: I can't… Not the way I am now. But…what would it take for me to be like you?

In the above quote, Demetrius is addressing Helena, who is convinced that she is awake and experiencing reality. However, Demetrius questions the nature of their current state, suggesting that they might still be asleep and dreaming. This uncertainty reflects the topsy-turvy world created by the interference of the fairies, particularly Puck, who has enchanted the characters with a love potion, causing them to fall in and out of love with each other.

Roxas: I got to go to the beach today for my mission. There was this girl there who looked kind of like Xion…but I couldn't get close enough to tell for sure. I probably imagined it. To be honest, I'm not even sure today's mission really happened. I feel like I just woke up from a dream or something. This is gonna sound crazy, but you know how we promised each other we'd all go to the beach? Well, I think I only saw her there because I wanted her to be there.

Metaphorically, the quote highlights the theme of perception versus reality and the blurred lines between the waking world and the realm of dreams. It suggests that what appears to be real may actually be illusory, and that true understanding can be elusive in a world filled with magical enchantment and shifting emotions.

Day 299 ~Sora~

Saïx: I see. And what about the man in the black coat? Xemnas: Do not allow any further contact with Roxas. He is nothing more than an impurity hindering Xion becoming a more perfect being. Saïx: Then everything will proceed according to the original plan…

"Things base and vile, holding no quantity, love can transpose to form and dignity." Xion was nothing but a blank puppet and an imaginary number with no quantity. She only took on a form to the perceiver because of Sora's most precious memories within Roxas.

(KH Days Novel) I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

The idea behind "love is blind" is that love can create a kind of emotional blindness, where individuals are unable to see reality objectively. When someone is deeply in love, they may be unable or unwilling to see any faults or imperfections in their partner, even if those flaws would be apparent to an outside observer. This can sometimes lead to situations where people remain in unhealthy or toxic relationships because they are unable to see the negative consequences or red flags due to their intense feelings of love.

Axel: Was this really the right decision? Saïx: For you to say something like that... between that puppet and Roxas, which one is more important to you? Let me change the question. Between your petty friendship game and Roxas's disappearance, which one is more important to you? Everything has returned to normal. It must be the right decision, right? Even Xemnas is annoyed by the recent change in plans. We need to restore everything to normal. It's for our goal, too, Lea.

This time, when Saïx used the word "important" he used "大事な" (daijina) instead of "大切な" (taisetsuna). Both words mean "important" and are often used interchangeably. However, there are subtle differences. As I've said "taisetsuna" is used to emphasize emotional or sentimental value. And typically, "daijina" conveys the sense of something being important in a practical or utilitarian sense.

Saïx didn't seem particularly threatened by Axel's relationship with Roxas. Probably because Axel wasn't put in the position where he had to worry or be as protective of Roxas, the way he was with Xion. And Saïx also knew that Roxas was important to their shared goal of completing Kingdom Hearts. So, Saïx valued him in a utilitarian sense. In essence, he was telling Axel to choose between Xion or him.

Saïx was telling Axel, the assassin, to do the dirty work of eliminating Xion for him. So that their original plan could get back on its smooth course. "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." This cutscene was directed to look like the scene from KH2, when Sora closed his eyes and could see Riku in his mind, looking the way he truly was meant to look.

Day 352 ~Sunset~

(KH Days Novel) "How are you feeling, Roxas?" "…Same as always." Saïx smirked at the reply—and a chill ran through Axel at how vicious it was. "I have an urgent mission especially for you and your Keyblade," said Saïx. "There's a fearsome Heartless that's surfaced in Halloween Town."

In Japanese, Saïx's moniker is "月に舞う" or "Demon Dancing in the Moon". The word used for "demon" was "魔人" (majin). "魔" (ma) means "demon" or "evil spirit," and "人" (jin) means "person". Together, "majin" refers to a person with demonic or supernatural qualities.

Saïx has a pair of same-shaped weapons called "King of the Night" and "Queen of the Night". Dracula is sometimes referred to as "King of the Night," such as in the Castlevania series. Many legends and works of fiction depict vampires as being more powerful and bloodthirsty during the full moon. And while Saïx was always unpleasant, Day 352 is when he showed a truly evil side to his personality. He set Roxas and Xion up to kill each other in Halloween Town underneath the full moon until Axel intervened.

Saïx: Can't you just let things run their course?

"So quick bright things come to confusion." Lysander was reflecting on the transience of happiness and how quickly joyful moments can turn into chaos or confusion. Lysander's observation underscores the theme of instability and unpredictability in matters of love and human relationships, which is a recurring motif throughout the play.

Day 352: What I Must Do (Xion) I love Roxas and Axel. I think that's what I feel, but I bet Saïx would laugh, saying it's just false emotions fabricated from memory. But I loved spending time with Roxas and Axel on top of the clock tower. I wish we could stay like this, the three of us, forever. But it has to end now. I'll never forget today's sunset. Even if Roxas and Axel forget, I won't forget.

Xion used the word "好き" (suki) instead of "愛" (ai), which was the word used on Day 171. She certainly loved Axel and Roxas, which was why she made the decision to disappear at the Beast's Castle. But I think the writers were trying to emphasize that it was different than what she felt for Sora. Xion was the personification of the memories in the shadows of Sora's heart. She was his shadow self. She didn't want to say goodbye to her best friends, but she also yearned to watch the sunset with the person she loved in the "ai" sense.

Xion: A beautiful sunset. Even though it's the same sunset I've always seen, it looks especially beautiful today. I wish we could always be together like this, the three of us. […] Axel: What's important isn't meeting up every day— Xion: —It's thinking about each other even when we're not together, right?

Axel was definitely lying when he said he'd never seen a Winner ice cream stick before. The fact that their time together as a trio was coming to an end is what made him remember it in the first place. And he used the same words from Day 96. Only that time, he did feel sentimental towards Roxas and Xion. But Axel was trying to be the mature realistic adult in the situation.

Axel: If somebody doesn't break it, someday, you will no longer be you. Roxas will no longer be Roxas. Roxas: I am me. Still the best friend of Axel. Xion is also my important best friend! Axel: No, that's not it. It's not about that, Roxas. Roxas: Enough. Axel: That's not it, Roxas.

The theme "love is blind" also pertained to Roxas's relationship with Xion. To some extent, Axel was able to view the situation with Xion more objectively than Roxas. He could tell that she was a puppet that was absorbing his power and was dangerous. So, the next day, he let her run away from the Organization. He tried to explain the situation logically to Roxas, but Roxas couldn't accept it, and ran away too.

Day 355 ~Unsaid, Unheard~

"Because they copied my powers, the Keyblade's power, and then they didn't need me anymore—is that it?" Roxas spat. He couldn't bring himself to confirm it. "I guess you felt the same way, huh, Axel?" At those words, something wrenched in his chest, and he could hardly breathe. No, not me. I wasn't thinking like that. I would never. "That's not true. You—you're my best friend." The words spilled out of him.

More than anything, Axel wanted to emphasize that best friends don't value each other for how useful they are. And that no doubt had some connection to his human memories with Isa.

(KH Days Novel) "We don't need them both. Just one. And pretending won't change it." We, who? Axel wanted to ask, but he held it in, along with a bitter laugh. He wasn't sure if that "we" meant Organization XIII or just Saïx and himself. Axel realized how great the rift was between how he remembered past and what he saw now.

Saïx may very well have been possessed by some soul/mind that had other motivations subconsciously driving him to complete Kingdom Hearts at all costs. But all the subtext indicated that his conscious motivations were very simple. He wanted to complete Kingdom Hearts to get his heart back. He wanted the power of Kingdom Hearts because he wanted the power to love and be loved in return.

Day 356: Unforeseen Circumstances (Saïx) Lea, what did you ultimately want? The plan we decided on, entering the Organization together... No, that's already just wishful thinking. Everything has changed. You, and me too…

It would have been quite a twist if Axel and Saïx's big plan was simply being together forever eating ice cream every single day and watching the sunset. And there is a lot of evidence in the original text to suggest that that was indeed their plan. I also found it interesting that in Axel's Report from Day 118, he denied that he changed. But Saïx acknowledged in his final report that he had changed.

Comparing the Organisation members when they were human to when they were in the Organisation, apart from Xehanort, only Isa and Braig have differently-shaped ears and differently-coloured eyes - why is this? Nomura: It's a question of whether or not they're deeply connected to Xehanort. In Braig's case, comparing the scene where he's injured in his battle with Terra and flares up at Xehanort, his appearance afterwards changes, which hints that something happened with Xehanort in between. (BBS Ultimania, March 2010)

Xion was a puppet made to duplicate Sora's powers. And over time, she began to appear as him instead of Kairi. And the thirteen vessels were puppets made to be duplicates of Xehanort. After being experimented on and turned into a vessel, Isa would have noticed certain physical changes such as the golden eyes and pointy ears.

By the way, Braig's dealings with Master Xehanort in Birth by Sleep make sense, he was to become a vessel. Nomura: There is a certain reason for Braig to proudly exclaim, "As for me, I'm already half Xehanort." Isa (Saix) is included too. I think you'll understand the details about their circumstances eventually. What happens to the hearts of those who have had Master Xehanort's heart planted within them? Nomura: They'll gradually be swallowed by it. As for Master Xehanort, he plans to control them completely. The planted parts of the heart are captured rather than disappear. (Famitsu, May 2012)

And maybe Isa didn't want to lose his identity and become someone else. So, he thought it would be better for him to not exist anymore.

Day 356 ~Role~

(KH Days Novel) "How do you know that?" Axel demanded. "Everyone thinks they're right…" "This is right," Xion said firmly. "It's better this way." Axel hated that argument. Nothing was better any which way. All it came down to was what you wanted to do and what you didn't. He'd learned that lesson back when he had a heart. "So it's better for you to disappear?" he protested.

Because I definitely got the impression that Axel was reliving a situation from his past that was extremely similar to the situation with Xion. And that's what the novelization hinted at, too.

In Japanese, the title for this day is "役目" (yakume). It means "duty" or "role". It refers to a task, responsibility, or function that someone is expected to fulfill or perform. And it's a reference to when Axel says, "The dirty work always seems to fall on me."

Xion: …No holding back now, Axel. Axel: Stop fucking around! Don't underestimate me! I've made up my mind! No matter how many times you guys try to run away, I'll always be there to bring you back!

I don't think the English localization truly captured Axel's anger here. In Japanese, he says, "ふざけんな" (fuzakenna). It's a very direct way of saying "Don't mess with me". Next was "てめーナメてんじゃねーぞ" (teme na meten jane zo). It's a very informal and rather aggressive way of saying "Don't underestimate me" or "Don't look down on me." It's a confrontational expression used to assert oneself and demand respect. The phrase contains strong language (teme), and it comes across as rude. So, swear words are very fitting here.

Xion was a mirror that reflected the memories of those who were bound to Sora in some way. Even Xigbar was able to see her as Ventus at times. When Axel said that he'd bring Xion back, he said "you both". In Japanese, he said "おまえら" (omaera) which means "you guys". It's specifically plural in both languages.

Axel yells at Xion, "I'll bring you back no matter how many times it takes", but why does the word "you" refer to multiple people? Nomura: That's still a secret as well. But Axel's determination here of "bring you back no matter how many times it takes" is connected to when he said he would bring Roxas back in Kingdom Hearts II. (Famitsu, August 2008)

Nomura said that the reason why Axel was referring to multiple people in that scene was a secret. It wasn't referring to Roxas, but the determination Axel felt toward bringing him back in KH2 was related. And Axel said he'd bring Roxas back even if he had to knock him unconscious. During Axel's showdown with Xion, did she actually take on the appearance of Isa to him? Is that why he could only stare down at the ground in that moment?

Lea said the same lines, "Why do I always get the icky jobs," and "I'll always be there to bring you back," to Xion in KH Days when he brought her back. Does he remember that? Nomura: The nature of the being known as Xion and all memories to do with her were erased, but he would remember other things. (KH3D Ultimania, May 2012)

In KH3D, Lea didn't remember Xion. But it was strongly implied that he did remember making that promise to Isa. Isa was probably one of the test subjects taken away by Ansem the Wise. He didn't want to be a puppet of Xehanort, in either a literal or figurative sense. Lea probably had to bring him back to join the Organization by force. That's why Axel always agreed to do any of the dirty work necessary, even though Saïx was certainly capable of doing it himself.

Day 357 ~Tears~

Roxas: Did I...hurt you? Xion: No, I'm the one who's trying to disappear on my own. I didn't want to become what Xemnas wanted, so I will go to Sora's side. I just want to return to where I belong. But I have one request. Please release the captured hearts and Kingdom Hearts. Roxas: Release...Kingdom Hearts? Xion: It seems I can't do it anymore. But you can't fulfill Xemnas's wishes. Goodbye, Roxas. Let's meet again. I'm glad I got to see you and Axel. You two are best friends. Don't forget that. Roxas: No… Let's go eat ice cream together as a trio again, Xion.

The flower tatarian aster is known in Japan as the "紫苑" (shion). In Hanakotoba, the Japanese language of flowers, it means "I'll never forget you." Roxas and Xion's Mystery Gear was called "Aubade". An aubade is a form of poetry or music that focuses on the theme of lovers parting at dawn. It typically depicts a scene where lovers must separate as day breaks, often evoking feelings of longing, melancholy, or anticipation. Day 357 was called "Tears". It referred to Roxas's tears when Xion disappeared leaving only a seashell behind.

Day 357: To My Best Friend (Axel) Roxas is gone... Leaving just the stick labeled "Winner." Typical of him. I bet tomorrow or something we'll get orders to bring him back, but leaving this behind... it really feels like the end, doesn't it? Roxas, are we still the three of us...? Well, no, just two now. Let's get some ice cream again. That's what being best friends is all about.

But it was also referring to Axel when he opened the envelope with the ice cream stick in it. "Queen of the Night" is named after a flower known as "月下美人". It literally means "beauty under the moonlight". The flower's symbolism is derived from its short flowering time. It only blooms one night a year, usually during a full moon. The flower's meaning is to enjoy the small moments because they do not last. In flower language, it represents fleeting beauty and fleeting love.

The word for "beauty" is "美人" (bijin). It means "beautiful person" and usually refers to women. Generally, "bijin" is more commonly associated with feminine beauty in Japanese language and culture. While it can technically be used to describe individuals of any gender who are considered beautiful, the term often carries connotations of traditional or stereotypical feminine beauty standards. "Majin" and "bijin" highlight the vast dichotomy between Saïx and Isa.

Axel: If you want, I'll bring you back too. Saïx: The marks under your eyes are gone, aren't they? Axel: Yeah, I don't need 'em anymore. Saïx: I taught you, who used to be such a crybaby, the charm of inverted tears. Axel: Shut up. Get out of here quickly or I'll kick your ass tomorrow!

In KH3, Saïx noticed that he had a Winner ice cream stick before he brought up the subject of Axel's tear marks. He said that he taught Lea that spell and used the word "おまじない" (omajinai). It means "spell" or "charm." It refers to a ritual or action performed with the belief that it will bring good luck or protect against misfortune.

This subject seemed to embarrass Axel. Lea was his other self, the weak crybaby that he was ashamed of and didn't like to acknowledge. In other words, his shadow. Perhaps back then Isa was trying to be the realistic mature adult, while Lea was the childish one who insisted they would be together forever? And perhaps a Winner ice cream stick was the memento Isa wanted to leave behind so Lea would always keep him in his thoughts?

I don't have a high opinion about the way KH3 handled Axel and Saïx. I understand that there wasn't enough time to show their backstory, so their relationship was sidelined to focus more on other characters. There was still a lot of romantic subtext, but the KH3 team did seem a bit uncomfortable with how utterly gay Saïx was for Axel. So, they tried to retcon his motivations to be entirely about Subject X. Which I think was very disrespectful to the story being told in 358/2 Days.

Day 359 ~The First Day~

"If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended: That you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

The quote "If we shadows have offended" was spoken by Puck in the final scene of the play. He addresses the audience directly, acknowledging that the events of the play, including the magical transformations, misunderstandings, and romantic entanglements, may have caused offense or confusion.

Xion: Roxas, don't be sad. I came from you and Sora. I am you…the same way that I am Sora. You'll forget me, but the memories themselves will never go away. Memories of you and me will always be together…forever, inside him.

By referring to themselves as "shadows," Puck implies that the characters and events of the play are like fleeting illusions or figments of imagination. The quote also serves as a kind of epilogue or closing statement, in which Puck reassures the audience that all will be "mended," or set right, if they view the play's events as nothing more than a fantastical dream experienced during a slumber.

#long post #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 358/2 days #roxas #xion #kh axel #saix #rokushi #akusai #kh isa #leaisa #kh meta

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vickyvicarious · 9 months

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Ignore me if I got the wrong person to pester, but I thought you were the one or one of the people talking about Mina following a routine and paying a lot of attention to time and clocks and schedules. Anyway I was catching up and saw. August 10 11 o’clock p. m.—Oh, but I am tired! If it were not that I had made my diary a duty I should not open it to-night. And I thought she thinks that her a diary each day is a duty? And also, then some of the dates she wrote are not included.

I think I have mentioned it a little, but I believe @thegoatsongs has talked about it more!

But yeah, I agree that Mina definitely seems to do this. And her diary specifically is a self-assigned duty for the summer. She talked about it in her letter to Lucy on 9 May, when she said she was going to write more substantially than "one of those two-pages-to-the-week-with-Sunday-squeezed-in-a-corner diaries [...] it is really an exercise book. I shall try to do what I see lady journalists do: interviewing and writing descriptions and trying to remember conversations." That doesn't specify daily entries but it does seem like she wanted to have them. Otherwise lines like you quoted above, or her 17 August "No diary for two whole days. I have not had the heart to write." lose a lot of weight. And I do think they're important.

Mina will try and squeak in an entry at the last minute to make sure she gets one for the day. She feels guilty or perhaps disappointed in herself when she's too beaten down to write for two days in a row. What began as a fun challenge to herself has in some ways become another burden, another responsibility. Just because it's self-imposed doesn't make that less true I think. Of course, it's hardly only a burden and I don't think it's overall or even mostly negative for her, only incidentally. She is able to track Lucy's health which is useful, she is able to express her emotions and talk about the secrets surrounding her. It gives her a place to vent, even just a little, and that's huge. But I do think Mina does have a tendency to blame herself and that shows up a little in that line about missing days.

And speaking of missing days... obviously all I've said assumes she has been writing every day, which would mean we haven't gotten all her entries. I think we are only seeing Mina's Dracula-relevant entries. So she has been writing every day... it's just, some days only talk about the play they went to see, or someone she interviewed in town, etc. Those aren't relevant to the story. Lucy's health and sleepwalking is, her fears about Jonathan are, the Demeter is, Mr. Swales is, that bat definitely is... every single one of her entries includes at least one of those topics. Usually multiple.

And this is the case throughout everything. We get an establishing letter or two to explain where/who people are/what their relationships are to one another, but then everything else must be relevant to Dracula or it doesn't appear. Hence Arthur and Quincey vanishing from the narrative, despite us knowing Arthur at least has written to Lucy. We knew Mina and Lucy exchanged other letters in the beginning as well, which we didn't get to see. Seward presumably might have phonograph records discussing other patients too, but we don't get those, just the ones about Renfield (and also his feelings for Lucy).

I think the only person who we've seen everything from is Jonathan, and that for the simple reason that everything he wrote was relevant. He didn't have any opportunities to write anything totally separate from the topic of Dracula since arriving at the castle. And mileage varies on whether he wrote Dracula-relevant things that have been censored out (or chose not to write them in order to self-censor), such as getting bitten, but I personally look at the timing I think it happened and also Lucy being unable to fully remember being drunk from, and I don't think he left anything out of his diary on purpose. But Jonathan was in a pretty unique position with no freedom to write otherwise. Everyone else can and probably does - maybe they don't all keep diaries (we can pretty firmly say Lucy at least doesn't currently because that would absolutely be relevant) but they must be writing letters at the least. And we don't get those.

Of course, there's a reason for this: [spoilers!]. But also, it just makes sense not to clutter up the novel with tons of irrelevant letters and is kind of just a staple of the epistolary genre to only present the reader with plot-relevant documents.

#dracula daily #mina murray #replies #anonymous #i had to write this out a second time after accidentally deleting it 2/3 of the way through :(

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mossmutant · 8 months

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I would greatly appreciate it if you could take the time to read this post in regards to this artwork.

I went with something a little different for this year’s birthday art. Normally I have Mangy and Freddie interacting through an existing photograph of him from the 1980s, but this time I decided to actually draw him. Specifically in the 70s since it is more relevant to the first Era of Monstrous Majesty.

This artwork depicts both Freddie Mercury and Mercury Mangy in the world of Rhye. When Freddie was a child, he and his sister created a fantasy world with ogres, fairies, kings, and queens. In the 1970s Rhye was introduced to the world in song form…and became Queen’s secret little rock opera in their first 3 albums. In my art Mangy shows Freddie my interpretation of Rhye, thus making my own world based around the one he created in his music. In a way we created this world together. My version is Rhye is the planet of monsters, ogres, and titans, the home of the one and only Monstrous Majesty…and I’m sure he would have loved it.

And speaking of which, I am always touched when people tell me that Freddie would have loved Mangy, obviously I agree (lol)! Silliness aside, I do greatly appreciate it, and it makes me happy to hear, I put a lot of work and love into his character. I’ve said it various times before on my other social media accounts, but he's heavily based around his music and sense of humor.

Freddie is *very* important to me. He is a huge inspiration to me and my artwork, which is already evident enough through the creation of Mangy and Monstrous Majesty as a whole. MM wouldn’t even be a thing without him in the first place. No other artist has impacted me as much as Queen. Every time I listen to Queen, I’m always inspired to add more into the world of Monstrous Majesty. Since 2019 I’ve enjoyed bringing Freddie’s world to life through my art and writing, and I hope I’m doing it justice.

In addition to this gift, prints of this art will be available to purchase soon, and a sales post will be published once everything arrives. 50% of sales will go to the Mercury Phoenix Trust to help fight aids worldwide. Keep an eye out if you’re interested in getting one!

This is 1/2 gifts I had planned for Freddie this year. I’ve been working on a physical gift that unfortunately I was not able to finish on time…and I just started school today so that’s definitely going to delay it more, but hopefully I can get it done on my next break!

Happy 77th birthday, Freddie Mercury! Hope you’re having an awesome birthday in Heaven.

Thank you so much for reading, shares and interactions are *greatly* appreciated with this piece specifically.

Monstrous Majesty © MossMutant

#cartoonist #monster art #cartoon art #artists on tumblr #original character #cartoons #queen band #freddie mercury #freddie mercury tribute #freddie mercury fanart #original art #my ocs #lykoi cat #monsters #my art #rhye #seven seas of rhye

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dargum · 1 month

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001: First Impressions

PAIRING: hunter x OC

SYNOPSIS: where Zerith finds a strange boy in the forest while training and for some reason they keep meeting.

GENRE: slow burn, fluff, angst, crack

MASTERLIST | NEXT CHAPTER

Being the golden guard is not something simple, the job consumes me. Everyone needs my help or immediate presence everywhere. “Please me, and that way you will please the Titan, that is the priority of the golden guard”, “The Titan has big plans for you”, that’s what I constantly hear from Belos, those are the reasons that make me relevant, being an important part of the Titan’s plan. These are all the reasons why I always try to ace every task I am assigned, without any mistakes and always look for beating expectatives. I have to be useful. Even though i have all this responsibilities on me, being consumed by my job makes me not give my 100% to it, due to stress, so for work and only work related reasons, i find myself getting out of my room in my free hours to have time for relaxation, yes i may feel some guilt from it, but at the end of the day, it is an occasional -almost nonexistent- rest that helps me keep up the pace with my duties. For this very-important-for-my-duties-break I tend to go to “The Knee”.The cold weather and the snow offer a strange comfort, plus the silence that is only natural in a place like this helps even more with my relax duty.

Today the silence that tends to take over the place seems interrupted in a weird way, as I said; a place like this tends to not have tourists, and if there are they are never noisy, everybody knows that the Slither Beast lives here, fear is another of the reasons that keeps the Knee alone and peaceful. So the question here is, why does it sound like someone is trying to commit hate crimes against a tree?

I approach with caution towards the moving tree and now some screens come into the battle, against a tree? like seriously? That tree must be a criminal.

I have to make sure to keep a considerable distance to not get noticed by the tree slaughter, and get a good view of who it is. Against any prediction of mine, the tree fighter is actually a young lady, with a weird way of spelling, is definitely a completely different way of how I was trained to do. For her apparent age, she seems to be skilled.

Silence comebacks at my brain where i notice that my surrounding went back to it as well

And suddenly I feel my body strangely cold.

— Spying on people is pretty weird if you ask me — I try to look behind me, where the voice comes from, but I quickly realize that I'm trapped in some sort of ice rock, oh Titan please help me.

Kind of nervous i clear my throat to make sure that my most goldenish guard of the goldenish guardish voice comes out

— Who says that I'm spying on you? — Great, okay, lying is not exactly my greatest ability. I give up on trying to look over my shoulder, only to be met face to face with a girl hanging from a branch. Startled by this a not-so goldenish guardish squeal comes out from the depths of my soul. Titan why do you do this to me?

— Oh is that so?, cause i'm pretty sure that looking at someone from behind a tree without them knowing counts as spying, sir — Ok maybe that was not my best most smart move

— Actually it could count as stalking, so, do you have to say something in your defense?

I take a second to think about an answer, and when nothing comes to mind I just roll my eyes annoyed, because yes she is right, but why would she? — Don't you have something else to do?

Her smile only gets bigger — See?, i'm right — she gets down from the branch — Now give my a valid reason to ot let you trapped here for the rest of the day, maybe ill even use you for practice, who knows.

Now is my turn to smile as a clever enough answer comes to mind — Did you just admit that you want to use me? What kind of freak are you? — I give her a judging look but i am not able to hide my smile in front of her offended expression

— Its called torture

— So?, you like hurting people?, is that it?

— I don't do it cause i like it, It's a punish for being a total weirdo

— Punish?, oh yeah sure, keep hiding the fact that you want to see me suffer for your own satisfaction, freak. — I spit the last word, never dropping the same shit eating grin that she was giving me before, suddenly i lose all balance as i fall straight to the ground with an oof

— Oop, my bad, I have to work on durability— I take advantage of her distraction, reaching for my talisman. One strong swipe with it and I make her fall down onto her back, obviously a perfectly done move because I am just cool like that. Golden guard, remember? I get up as quick as i can and point at her with my weapon

— So who will torture who now? i think i missed that — I simply can’t help my smile teasing her like this, she gives me a dirty look as if something smells bad and an immature and frustrated hit to the ground, or that is what it looked like before that same punch raised a pilar from the ground i am standing on. After flying some meters back I manage to stand on my feet and before I can say anything she is already up and tidying her clothes.

— Nice reflexes.

— Nice spell — I run my hand on my cheek getting snow out of my face

— Well, it was nice meeting you but honestly, this isn't the weather to fight, you know?, doesn't the cold air burn your nose when you agitate?, weird right? — It is obvious how she walks back while making small talk.

— Why are you running away?, coward, only giving excuses

— Who are you calling a coward? stupid spy

— I wasn't spying on you! — I stomp my foot on the ground

— Yeah whatever Hunter

My expression drops to all seriousness, i look directly into her eyes with a slight frown

— How do you know my name?

She shrugged with her shoulders — You have the face of a guy whose name would be Hunter

I blink in disbelief looking at her, there is absolutely no way she just guessed that.

Absolutely. No. Way.

— Hey?, you okay?, i think i awake a weird trauma of yours, you know from your face, so i fell the responsibility of saying sorry, just in case you know

I blink awake — What are you saying?, i don't have traumas, is just weird that someone you never saw just guesses your name

— What can I say? i'm a genius

— Yeah, why not.

We stand in silence

— So are you gonna tell me your name?

— Hey, i guessed yours with honest effort you don't get to have me just tell you mine

I rolled my eyes at her childish argument

— Not even a clue?

— Nu uh

She started to walk away and eventually got onto her talisman. I waited until she got far enough to get onto mine and go to the palace. I sigh before taking off, surely a long day of work waits for me back there.

#the owl house #toh x reader #toh fandom #hunter toh #hunter wittebane #hunter x oc #hunter x reader #the owl house x reader

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fan-of-many-stories · 1 year

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Went off about Viera lore in a discord, thought it might amuse others/help us figure out a culture with how little we have in the game:

The Viis say they aren't very fecund (which I had to look up it means they have trouble reproducing). Males only get to come home to mate. A lot of people hc that's it's a big event for a village, but if they already have trouble making kits then they'd want to spread it out for more chances. Men probably come home one at a time.

Okay, then how do they know it's time to come home? I know lots of people argue about whether Miqo'te have heats, but it actually would make sense for Viera men to have some sort of reproductive cycle that tells them to come home. That also accounts for the variance in time, men come home every 3–5 years instead of a regular interval because of differences in their cycles. That *also* could be why men are sent away from the village —maybe they get really dangerously aggressive with other males, so to make sure they survive they live alone. Except to train other males, right? Okay, so maybe it's an instinct triggered by competition, not inherent aggression. A male staying out of the village with a young boy he's teaching can't kill him bc his cycle came back. Ergo, competition for women probably triggers the aggression. No women nearby, and two men will be fine.

There's other reasons men don't return to the village when they have a charge, of course. The other reason they go home is to collect any new boys for training. If they're training to be solitary, you're going to want that to be 1:1. If you already have a charge, you can't get a new one, but it would be irresponsible to leave the boy in the village. So you don't get to go home. The boy can't go, either, if his cycle hits before he's finished training. A boy who is not yet a Wood-warder can't train another boy. This is a good opportunity for the mentor to teach about how to recognize the signs and what to do when you go home.

Ok I hit character limit but I'm still going.

How do we know a boy will hit their cycle while still in training? We know that it takes many seasons to train a Wood-warder. Many is loose, but to people who live so long that has to be on the larger end. If we're basing Golmore on the Amazon rainforest (which I am) they only have two seasons a year, dry and rainy, making this even longer. I hc that most men finish training around 30, and that Auvo was an exception to that even though he didn't finish. (30-13)x2=34 I think that qualifies as 'many'.

What does training even include? How do they measure mastery? Here I think there's some leeway, and even possibly a split for the different tribes. I focused on Rava bc that's what's relevant to Auvo. The Rava place a strong importance on having all of the twelve element/realm names present at all times in the jungle. Oftentimes you see reflections on things desired in the world and things desired in the self in religions, so I designed a series of tests based around the names. Finishing all of them and going home for the first time marks you a master. You always start with the one that matches your name, and it will be a harder version than normal. It's not uncommon for tests to kill (we know most boys do not survive training, that fits with this). Why is going home a requirement for mastery? Because the Wood-warders need to be able to tell how many of each name exist. When they go home for their first cycle as an adult, they leave something (probably a crystal device of some sort) at their home village that tells their home they're still alive. A second is sent to Golmarr, the capital, so they can monitor the names in the whole Jungle.

Why is Golmarr the capital? Because it sounds like Golmore. Clearly, the Viera don't call it Golmore, because we know Viera means 'Children of the Wood'. Viera and Golmore are nowhere near each other etymologically, so that's probably not their word. It's not close to Rava either.

More coming

Therefore, when people outside the forest asked where Viera came from, most of them answered 'Golmarr', which eventually turned into *Golmore*. Why didn't they answer with the Jungle's name? We know from the men that names are important to their culture. The name of the Wood, or word for it, is possibly sacred and they don't want it in outsider's mouths. Viera community and religion is closed, outsiders are strictly prohibited. The lore books state that just about every race has adopted Common, I don't think Viera have. They wouldn't have a reason, they don't interact outside their borders unless absolutely necessary. It's why Auvo struggled so much with not having the Echo, he didn't know the language.

That's...as far as I can stretch a single line of logic, but I have more connected bits. Like how a village functions, Golmarr's role in government, courting rituals, etc.

And this was in response to someone asking about when men come home:

Ok so! There's wiggle room, but here's how I break it down:

First, a male gets intensely uncomfortable with how unsafe the jungle is. Normally something they're used to, but the discomfort builds to fear that will drive them to seek the safety of home. They'll also start loading up on proteins in preparation for the next step. Actually arriving at the village, they'll go see the chief who will direct them to one of the houses set aside for this purpose. Every village must have at least two, for the slim chance that more than one male comes home at the same time. Bigger villages might have more. This phase lasts two days.

Second, the actual process. My ace brain refuses to look too deep into this, but since they have to get through any woman trying to have a kit, I don't imagine they get much rest. I imagine this part lasts three days.

Last, every man is given two days in the village to recover. These days are very important. If you spent time with him in the previous three, it's customary to at least visit during the next two. It's when he gets to see his mother again, sisters if he has them, friends. He gets to know the village through an adult perspective, and it would be the time to start falling in love. It's his time to *be* loved, and he must be. The men *must* know they are loved, because it is what motivates them to fight when they are alone. A man who feels rejected by his village is more likely to leave the forest altogether.

#viera #viera lore #male viera #ffxiv #ffxiv viera

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pirate-of-the-southern-isles · 30 days

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Fanfic Snippet - Questionable methods

The crew is sailing to the sultanate of Erish - first of the three places on the treasure map, where they have to break into a heavily guarded prison and retrieve a clue. It won't be easy - Erish's territorial waters are always rough and stormy. Only if you have a licenced guide from sultanate's navy you can expect to make it to the shore. And they, of course, don't have it.

But even if they are already close and should be getting ready to scheme their way in, it is a certain time of the week - and Hans has to do something he would really prefer not to do. So, to be absolutely sure he will not fail to do so, he ordered his quartermaster, Egg, to help him with it.

It was convenient that the correspondance between the ships was constant and he knew when Morgan – Layla’s postal eagle – will appear on his balcony. Too bad it was the most puffed up bird the world has ever seen.

„Here” he said, annoyed with his attitude, passing a piece of smoked beef towards the beak. „Is it enough or are you gonna continue arguing with me?”

Morgan devoured his paycheck and, in the most condescending manner, put his leg up, so Hans could tie a letter to it.

„Huh, I am making yet another debt”. The captain sighed, while observing the messenger flying towards horizon. „Well. To be honest, I am curious how they are gonna make it to Erish”.

„Knowing Layla – she is probably planning to charm everyone with her gracefulness”.

Hans rolled his eyes; he already made peace with the fact that not a single member of his crew ever knocks before coming into his cabin.

„So what you are suggesting is – they are going to approach their nearest vessel, then she is gonna undo two buttons on her shirt, tie a corset a little tighter and everybody will be at her feet immediately?”

„Works almost every time”. Egg shrugged. "Sailors are simple lads, in every corner of the world".

„Ye… If she would undo three buttons, they would probably make her a Grand Visier”.

„Or a sultan”.

They laughed together, but only for a brief moment. At the end, Egg came for a specific reason.

„So… are you ready?”.

Hans looked at the clock. Two minutes to seven, Friday’s evening. The time has come, like it did every week.

„Ready”. He exhaled heavily and went to lay down on his hammock. „Tie me up. The deck is yours”.

Egg, fastly and skilfully, threaded thin but sturdy leather straps through holes on the edge of a fabric. Just like he would do with shoelaces. Hans gritted his teeth, seeing his legs disappearing under the cloth. Every time he felt like he was being swallowed by a whale again.

„Damn, and I had to pass on such a nice dinner”. He complained, feeling both tightness and emptyness in his stomach. „Do you think there was something left for tomorrow?”.

„You know Gudrun is always making you noodles with poppy seeds the next day. And you know she bought a whole sack of walnuts. And raisins”.

„Neptune was watching over us when we recruited her”.

„Aye. Alright…” Egg pulled the straps once again, just above the captain’s chest, then went to one of the cupboards. He retrieved a bottle with hellishly red liquid inside, sealed with a cork. On the top of it there was a scorched sigil, on the sight of which the quartermaster really wanted to throw some salt over his left shoulder. „You are running short on it”.

„I know. We will have to sail to the Republic soon. I think the next place on our map is somewhere nearby, so, in the meantime… maybe we will be able to pay a visit”.

„I know I am always asking it, but… are you sure it is safe?”.

Hans adjusted his pillow and made sure that there is a bucket somewhere in close proximity.

„And I am telling you every time – I have no idea” he said. „But it is not relevant if it is safe. The important part is – it is necessary”.

„I would argue”.

„Don’t, just give it to me”.

Egg sighed and handed over the bottle, at the same time pulling off his own flask with grogg.

„So… skål?”.

The captain pulled of a cork. For a second they could swear they heard a strange, unsettling noise – like if the liquid hissed.

„Skål”.

They drunk together. For Egg it was nice – rum mixed with citruses and a spoonful of honey was, in fact, the most favourite drink of any pirate.

For Hans it was like he was swallowing shattered glass.

„Goodnight, captain”. The quartermaster tugged the straps one more time and tied it, closing him in a hammock like it was a cocoon. Or a shroud, he thought for a moment but brushed it off immediately. „Good luck”.

The only answer was a muffled wail of pain.

#frozen #hans of the southern isles #prince hans #hans westergaard #fanfic #fanfiction #the black sheep #pirate crew #you can always be a pirate #fanfic snippet #writeblr #writers on tumblr #creative writing #writer stuff

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an-isolated-lifeboat · 2 years

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Taming Paper Chaos

Something I think comes with being home more is you wind up seeing your mess more and that takes a toll when it is literally your only place to be. One thing that I struggled with for years that I finally have seemed to turn a corner on is paper clutter. While I have most things on paperless, there’s always still papers that I need to organize, whether because I have to keep a hard copy or those things that just don’t have paperless options.

Note: If you don’t have your own place, I have options for bedroom and backpack options further down.

My System

I looked at A LOT of paper organization systems over the years and the one I’ve settled on is mostly inspired by the Minimal Mom on YouTube. One main difference is I have to keep my action items visual or I will absolutely forget them.

I also don’t have “long term files” the way she does. I’m not sure why but it’s not really been relevant in my life. Perhaps because I don’t have kids and am not likely to be able to own a house.

A note - do not put this in your ideal place. Put this where people are dumping all their papers anyways. That’s usually going to be a flat surface, so try to find or make a vertical one right near it.

With that in mind, here is my system.

Pretty underwhelming right? But let’s talk about the components. The most visual part are my action items which I clip to the front of the fridge. All items get tagged with the task associated with them. This is...so key. Before I’d clip things up and it felt like it would take forever to deal with so I avoided them. Now I realize most paper items really only require one or two tasks at most to deal with and I’m keep the executive functioning of deciding what to do separate from the executive functioning of deciding when to do it.

I also don’t fuck with due dates anymore. I just date them with the date they went up on the fridge so I can see how much time has elapsed. As you can see, this one has become a stuck task. I don’t feel too guilty about it because I know I’m working through the wall of awful around it and I’ll get to it when I can. I clear most things by the end of the week they go up. Anything that stays longer than a month - probably a stuck task.

My items get clipped to the right side of the fridge and get green post it notes and my partner’s get clipped to the left side and get purple post it notes. That way it’s very easy to see who has what task and I don’t feel like I need to nag because it’s very clear, that’s hers and it’s her decision how to handle it. I don’t need to worry about it.

I also use the post it notes to request her to do non routine tasks I need her to do (lifting things so I don’t throw out my back, maintenance she’s qualified to do but I’m not, etc). It cuts down on nagging because she sees it when she sees it and can decide to do it whenever she feels like it. She generally prefers to texts her requests of me which I’m fine with.

Next is the time will tell bin. Coupons you’re not sure you’re gonna use - they go here. Catalogs you might order from - also go here. Can’t think of the next steps with an item but you figure you probably shouldn’t throw it out - put it here.

The idea with this bin is that is that you go through it every so often, either as if gets full or at regularly scheduled intervals. You see what’s expired, what’s out of season, what’s no longer important to you and you toss those things out. At some point you’ll get tired of seeing something every time you go through it and probably toss it. Or you won’t and it’s fine because it’s contained in this little bin.

The rule with this bin though is that you can only keep what fits in this bin. If it’s piled up to the point where it’s falling out on the sides, you gotta find something that’s less interesting or relevant to you to get rid of.

Last is the important documents folder. This is for ID documents, legal documents, taxes, housing information like current and past leases, etc. This one was supposed to be very bright green so it would be easy to spot and direct people to in an emergency buuut the seller did not send what was pictured and I’m making do with this until I can swap it out. I sit it under the time will tell bin so it’s easy to file things when I’m sorting mail.

If you only have a room...

If you’re in a dorm, living with roommates, or staying with family, you probably don’t have a big fridge to use to clip up action items. You could swap it for something like a bulletin board but I’m partial to wall grids like this and bulldog clips. You can attach them with removeable wall hooks so they’re very dorm/renter friendly. If you’re short on space you can even put one up on the back of a door.

I still think it’s important to tag the paper items with the task associated with them and the date you put it up. Some grids have options for bins for pens and the like which would accommodate some post it notes as well, that way you can keep them close at hand.

That takes care of your action items and the rest can stay the same. Find a spot on a shelf for your time will tell bin and important document folder. Set a reminder to go through it as often as you’d like to if it’s some place you will not easily see it fill up.

If you’re very mobile...

If you’re very mobile, whether that’s for work or you don’t have a stable living situation or perhaps you’re young and you’re going between the houses of parents who’ve separated each week, you still have options.

For your action items, I recommend a clear pocket folder with a zip so things don’t get lost and you can clearly see when it has items in it. I’d recommend putting the most urgent item at the front so it stays top of mind. You can keep some post its and a pen in the folder itself and make a rule to tag things with their action before you put it in the folder.

For your time will tell bin, I’d probably use an opaque pocket folder with a zip. I don’t need to see what’s in it. If I need it, I’ll go looking for it and I’ll clear through it at least once a month anyways. If you get catalogs occasionally, it should be big enough to accommodate those - one of the main things that gets stuck in my time will tell bin especially in spring. It does mean you’ll have less space than a bin so you’ll probably have to churn through it quicker.

You could also opt for a small accordion folder that isn’t brightly colored - to contrast with your important docs folder. I’d personally worry that that’d make me feel like I needed to sort things into categories which would slow me down and overwhelm me so I probably wouldn’t opt for that. But if that works better for you, go for it!

And your important documents folder once again would stay the same - brightly colored accordion folder with tabs for personal ID docs, taxes, health records, etc.

Since these are less visual, it’s extra important to set a reminder on your phone or calendar to nudge you to check them. I’d check the action folder at least once a week and I’d check the the time will tell bin whenever it starts getting full or monthly. Ideally whenever you’re setting up at a place, I’d keep them in a visual place, but I also get sometimes you’re moving literally everyday and that might be a hassle. Use your judgment.

If you’ve got a backpack with a laptop pocket, consider getting a laptop sleeve for your computer and using the pocket for keeping your paper system in place. Keep it and your planner or bullet journal all in one place and you’ll always know where to look or in an emergency, where to direct people to.

Flow

You have a document that you know isn’t trash.

Is it important?

>>> If yes, is it urgent/requires action?

>>>>>> If yes, tag it with an action and today’s date. Put with action items.

>>>>>>If no, file in important documents folder.

>>> If no or I don’t know, put in time will tell bin.

What About...

...school work?

Personally, depending on the amount of paper I’m getting from school, I’d probably just file it according to this system. Tag action items. Time will tell. Important docs - maybe a section for syllabi. I’d also probably use it mostly as an intermediary - digitize what needs digitized, get tasks into my task system (bullet journal; collections).

But it really depends on what kind of school work you’re doing as to whether that would work. If you’re doing courses that are very paper heavy, an additional system for that work specifically might be needed.

…receipts, more extensive financial files?

That is not my bag. I avoid that shit like the plague. Check out this video for mid and long term filing options.

If you’re dealing with someone’s affairs after they’ve passed away, I highly recommend making a separate system (action, time will tell, important docs) for those items as they’re draining to see mixed in with your day to day items. Consider setting up a system like I describe for people who are very mobile and keeping it near by your main system so it’s easy put things where they need to go but you don’t have to look at it all the time.

...children’s art work?

Memory boxes are great, for you and for kids. Check out this video.

...schedules, papers I need to reference?

Tag schedules with a post it reminder to put the dates in your calendar, then toss (or scan and toss). For information you need to reference, use a scanner app on your phone to digitize it and attach to a calendar item if relevant or file with digital references.

#studyblr #isolation #neurodivergent #declutter #homemaking

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hypermania · 1 year

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I can't tell if you liked Shadow and Bone or not and it's killing me lol

i also can't tell if i liked it! i know for sure i liked s1 a lot better than s2. s1 was an interesting viewing experience because i had to adjust to the fact that they really weren't following the books and i wasn't prepared for that. i think what they did with the grisha trilogy worked really well. pretty much every change was for the better. it made the characters more likable which serves the plot a lot better. the crows stuff, however, was more jarring both because i'm far more invested in them and because the changes were bigger and without any obvious payoff. but once i got over the hesitancy of the story being changed it was mostly fine. there were still a few things i didn't like but overall it was like okay i get it. we're moving chess pieces around because we're setting stuff up.

going into s2 i knew they weren't following the books closely so i went in with the mindset of "hey this is its own thing and you should judge it based on what it is, and not what it isn't." and then... they just shoehorned in a bunch of big Moments(tm) from the books that... have no relevancy in the story they're telling?

like what was the point of kaz bringing pekka to his knees begging? pekka still has a crap ton of people loyal to him. he's still running shit from hellgate. there was no emotional catharsis to it. and kaz hasn't built up the reputation of "When everyone knows you're a monster, you needn't waste time doing every monstrous thing" yet soooooooo it kinda just feels like kaz showed that yeah he can figure out what is most important to someone and push that button (figuratively, because he won't actually do the horrible thing) but it ultimately doesn't even matter because... ??? like i don't know why that mattered in the context of the story they're actually telling. it was just a big moment from the book plopped into the show. if they wanted to rearrange the pieces so that pekka would be in hellgate with matthias, they could have done that without using the alby storyline in a place where not only does it not fit, it completely undermines the point.

same with the "i will have you without armor" interaction. i'm not a big fan of that line in the books to begin with. it's fine. i just think there are way more *scream into my pillow about it* moments but i know it's a fan favorite and it feels like that's the only reason they included it. when it happens in the book, it's because kaz hasn't offered inej anything, really. he's asked her to stay in ketterdam but that's the most vulnerable he's allowed himself to be with her. so it serves as like a linchpin for him to do better, sort of? but in the show... he's already told her about jordie. he's already given her freedom from the menagerie and a lead on her family. he's already given her everything except physical skin to skin contact, and so that line just comes across as "you're not good enough because you're traumatized" instead of "we're both traumatized but i want to get better and i won't let you hold me back from that. you have to at least try" so it's... kinda gross?

the jesper and wylan changes are mostly fine but their relationship feels very rushed and i don't really understand what the point of doing that is. like jesper watching wylan play piano and having a moment about it felt like... nothing? because wlyan is just a guy he had a one night stand with. what new light is it shedding on a guy jesper doesn't really have any mis-formed preconceived notions on? and why are they already basically married? maybe this is just a personal preference but that's not fun to me. i am much more interested in watching them awkwardly fall for each other over time than having immediate confirmation that they're a couple.

(also i have a pretty big gripe with the way jesper being grisha is handled. but that's a whole other discussion.)

idk i guess the point i'm making is that s2 felt like a marvel movie. it had a lot of quippy one-liners and Big Emotional Beats that we knew were Big Emotional Beats because there was swelling music and lingering shots but there was no substance to any of it?? none of it mattered in the context of the story they were actually telling. it only matters if you already have a built-in connection to the story via the source material.

that being said: kaz bar brawl and nina spy competence = very sexy. and as much as i just talked a bunch of shit about jesper, he really is amazing. kit young continues to be an inspired stroke of jesper genius. almost everyone was perfectly cast, actually.

there were other things i liked and disliked about it but this is the general gist of where i'm at, i guess.

#replies #anonymous #sab #negativity for ts

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heavyretro · 1 year

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Things I’ve been wanting to say since 2021

Not sure how to begin, because I feel very silly writing this.

Is anyone becoming melancholy and nostalgic for social media before it made it’s change? Do you remember ending a livestream with friends, and saying “see you on the socials” ? It felt like communities were closer and more encouraging. I felt like I was constantly engaging with online friends from the time I woke up, to the time I went to sleep. Being in the burlesque and drag communities, social media presence was so important for a number of reasons I won’t get into here. However, I will say that social media was a great looking glass in which to keep up with the drag/burly communities from all over the world. You always knew what your communities were getting up to, you could hype them up, send them tips through cash apps, share their performance videos, etc. And yeah, you can still do that now, but with algorithm changes, it’s harder. I never see anyone in my timelines that I used to frequently see before the change. Anyone I knew from before I left for the UK, I do not hear from them now. To be quite frank, moving to another country in the middle of a global pandemic has been the loneliest thing, ever.

To preface, social media used to be such an invaluable tool for neurodivergent people and people with C-PTSD, PTSD, etc. Personally, I have trust issues because of my past with turbulent people with turbulent emotions, creating severe situations. Having a barrier between myself and others was a blessing. I could make friends upon friends, no matter where they were, and I felt safe. Because of how social media was set up back then, I made friends with minimal effort, and was able to maintain them for years. By “minimal” I mean, for someone with social anxiety, online engagement with communities was a breeze in comparison to IRL socializing. This generated confidence in my personal life, but that’s besides the point. Now, you have to be an entertainer no matter what industry you’re involved in. Let’s not even talk about how awful that is for people with anxiety. It’s one thing to be a performer for a live audience, but for an app? It’s a different feeling.

The above pictures are before the algorithm changes, and then after. I know working hard as an artist is a thing, and while I am on the fence about arguments regarding “the struggling artist” [ I really don’t think we should struggle ], this is completely different. I was already a booked artist and performer, and for the year of 2020, I had a show and modeling gig every month for the entirely of that year until the pandemic shut it all down. I had community and networks, and always strived to be a good friend and reliable person in general. Fighting for your art is one thing, but I will not fight AI to simply be able to be placed in an algorithm. These platforms do not pay me to work, and therefore I see no reason to constantly push myself to remain in some phantasmal ranking order. Effectively, these changes have cost me being “relevant” in social circles and networks. I do not want to make trendy videos with trending sounds for socials. I want to be ME as a complete artist, sharing my art, for free, by the way. I don’t want to share info graphics to generate engagement. I don’t want to dance on Tik Tok. I don’t want to be the center of attention, and gain 10K followers. I just want friends and community.

Recently, I enrolled in school in which I am pursing yet another [ but very much older ] dream of mine. I befriended one person in this school, and she revealed to me she doesn’t have social media, and it’s made her life easier. At first, fear struck me for her: no socials? How does one socialize? Is life valid offline? But then I thought again: it must be the most liberating thing, ever. She went off to Greece recently, I was like- how will she memorialize her trip to Greece without socials? And then again, I realized how silly I was being. I don’t often remember online engagement as much as I remember going to metal shows, drinking wine with my best friends, and hanging out with the bands afterwards. I remember making music with my band-mate in his studio with the small Hecate statue watching over us. I remember us doing breath work, putting whiskey in our coffee, and singing about loss. I remember going to MAGFest and playing retro video games in cosplay for 3 days straight. I remember doing LIVE shows, almost puking every time, and getting on stage and hearing everyone cheer.

I want nothing more than to leave social media entirely. It’s not a place for me, anymore. My place now is with my research, my books, and the wisdom found in that. What everyone doesn’t realize about my situation is that everyone reading this will know me as Polaris first, and my real name second. You have all met me as Polaris. My best friends I speak to regularly, my husband, new social groups I’ve stumbled into- we started our friendships and relationships this way. Therefore, it is hard to let go. I was the quiet and bullied kid my entire life. I have been ab*sed, I have been ignored, and I have been greatly disrespected in my life before entering my drag/burlesque life as Polaris. Suddenly, people wanted to get to know me. They wanted to share in my eccentricity by proximity- [ granted, sometimes attempting to take it for their own. ] Burlesque performers perform under different names for safety from stalkers and harm from people, communities, and businesses. I have seen performers get fired from their jobs because of this work. That it why it is SO crucial to call performers by their performer names, and not their real ones when they are working. That didn’t happen for me. I was Polaris no matter what- not by choice. I guess, this part is a story for another day.

I guess I am saying all of this to finally just get it out there: where are my friends? Where did my community go? I absolutely want to hold space for new friends, and I love you all so, so, so much. Some of you have been so supportive of me- more than most people, and I am forever grateful. However, it doesn’t shake this feeling off. This feeling like I’ve been forgotten about. Every day that goes by, I get ready to leave Polaris behind me all together. I will not spend more energy [ or apparently dollars ? ] just to show up in feeds. That is the whole point of social media - effortless community and engagement, while sharing information and support. I’m not paying for that, when I could just find that in real life. My point is, I am coming to the end of the rope with all of this.

Aren’t you all tired of creating videos before you go out, before you eat, before you get ready, after you get ready, when you wake up, at 5 AM, at 6PM? And then archiving them, and sharing them on your socials when you can just… put on a vinyl and share your time and energy with yourself? Clearly, I am not made for this new way of socializing.

Anyway, I hope the ratio of those numbers in the pictures made you laugh. It made me laugh.

#performers #artists on tumblr #social media #nostalgia #drag queen #burlesque

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veritas-in-notitia · 9 months

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Every time I take the shc quiz I end up wrestling with the questions as I go. I’ve decided to start doing it in writing. At the very least it’s writing practice, and I’ll stop retreading old ground with myself every time. If people in your family or community disagree with you, is it hard to act against their wishes? Family? Sure. Community? No. Even with people I love, the struggle is usually in them not agreeing with me or me not understanding them. Either prove I'm wrong or see it my way, damn it.

I tend to go along to get along in groups, but that’s not the same thing as community. Also it’s boring, but riling things up isn’t worth it most of the time, and the times it is my spouse usually stops me saying anything (which is ironic, because in every other circumstance he’s a troll. he likes to stir the pot with people he knows as a sign of affection).

(I’m specifically remembering early covid. He had a dental surgery, and we were both masked in the waiting room. Two other people were not masked. One was across the room on her phone, one sitting quietly near us. The person on the phone loudly and proudly proclaims they have no intention of ever wearing a mask because if “god wants me, it’s my time to go.” My head snapped around so fast I probably should’ve gotten whiplash. My mouth opened -- I have no idea what I was going to say, exactly -- and he stepped on my foot. His reason was he didn’t want to have to fight the person on the phone if they got mad at me. I proceeded to give him a diatribe about herd immunity and basic common decency and empathy while occasionally pointedly looking at the quiet unmasked person sitting near us. And then he got called in for his appointment and I went to sit in the hot but unpeopled car.)

And the actual *communities* I've been a part of -- no, it's not hard to act against their wishes when I'm in a healthy place because they've all been online communities. When I was much younger and craved -- I don't even know. Attention? Validation? I went from having almost no social life to having one entirely online, and I had no real framework for how to act. I was, like any young teen, equal parts wildly cringe and anxiety to be liked. I wanted to be admired.

I still do! But for being me, thanks. Okay. Enough ramble. Time to pick an answer... which is tough, because they’re all valid answers to the question. 1 and 2 specifically if I’m thinking about family; 3, 4, and 5 for groups and communities, depending on the context.

Yes, because I care about them.

I care about my people, but that mostly makes me want to be around them and do things for and with them. It doesn't mean I have to agree with them, though I’d prefer to on important subjects. Whether or not I’d defer to them depends on the person, context, and how important the issue is to me.

As for community, I care about my communities and their mores, but not like that. They don't define me or my choices.

Yes, because you should listen to other people before you act.

Obviously? I mean, I’m not going to take advice on every topic from every person, but I want all relevant opinions before I act, and several of my people are quite clever. I value their input.

Yes, because I have to live with and around them, and they can make my life more difficult with their disapproval.

I have to live with them: I had SO MUCH fight in me when I was younger. Argue argue argue. Stand my ground. Make a fuss. I can't do that anymore. I discovered my ideal situation is calm. I am ape. Give me fruit and hammock and a source of good vibes. So yeah, I generally try to keep the peace. But I don't think I'd call it a moral imperative. It's just easier.

It might be hard, but I've got to do what I think is right.

I try to always do what I think is right. I’m not always correct about what that is, and my mind can be changed, often by myself. I spend a lot of time arguing with myself. My brain is a very busy place.

No, not at all.

For little things, or even middling things, this is the one. I do what I want, unless it impinges on someone else, in which case I usually adjust slightly. For important stuff, moral/ethical issues, it’s harder, because if I care about someone (= they are my people = they are family), then I’m automatically going to consider their input. Answer: is really hard to pick. Do I pick the Community answer (not at all), or the Family answer (yes, because I care about them)? I’m inclined to pick the Community answer simply because this feels like a Badger-filtering question, which leads me to think Community is what it’s asking about despite the “or family.” (Of course, it does say “people in your” -- so it could mean individuals, not groups. But I’m going with my first assumption, because I’m fully aware that I’m massively overthinking at this point.) So then. No, not at all. Next question: When you’re not sure what’s the right thing to do, what do you turn to?

#notes to self #i am an argument #overthinking r us #maybe i will get through the whole quiz before the hyperfixation fades again #shc

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methinmycoffee · 1 year

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~~Spoilers (S26 E4)~~

Okay, the new episode. I thought it was pretty good, I’m glad we got an episode where the kids felt as much like kids as they possibly could for modern South Park, I like the relationship between Stan and Wendy and the relationship between Clyde and Bebe. Here are my thoughts in way too much detail.

First, The positives:

I live for Clybe. They’re such a garbage fire couple and I am here for it. Same thing goes for Stendy. Canon Stendy is such a hot mess now that it’s like watching “Balloon Boy” unfold live. I understand that some people may not like it, especially when Stendy used to be so wholesome (I’ll touch on this later). But as an isolated thing, it’s entertaining in my opinion. The inclusion of Clyde as a semi-major part of the episode does it a favor too.

Garrison! I don’t know how much he’s done since his flop (Trump) era. I genuinely missed him and think he’s relatively in character for this episode. Maybe he would notice that the dumbest kids in his class are suddenly really good at writing, but he’s not the brightest bulb himself so maybe he wouldn’t. I enjoyed seeing Rick again, I’m glad they remembered him.

Cartman! Finally, this is exactly what he would do in this situation. There’s no question of redemption for that little asshole, he said something about women ruining slavery during the episode. But he wasn’t even the first person to discover the AI and he immediately started gatekeeping it. Icon. And perfectly in character for him.

This episode was relevant, but still fun. It didn’t even feel like it really took a stance on AI, it just told a story based around the technology. They really took their own advice and didn’t preach, they just had characters do stuff and sort of argued for both sides. Some of my favorite episodes do this, like Best Friends Forever (S9 E4)

But, The Negatives:

Stan is mean to Wendy. There is something so wholesome about early Stendy, where Stan is head over heals “in love” with Wendy and would do anything for her. Yes, a toxic relationship has a place in the show, but that’s what for Clybe is for, and they were a garbage fire since Clubhouses (S2 E12). This episode would have worked just as well if Stan didn’t want to hurt Wendy’s feelings by not knowing what to say/ not having time to respond. Honestly it’s not that bad isolated to this episode, but I feel like there’s been a shift where every relationship is a little one sided or toxic.

Weird pacing/structure. I wasn’t sure if this should be a nitpick or a true negative, but pacing is important. Some parts of the episode move a little bit slow, which is fine, but that long ass scene where a kid uses the bathroom for like 45 seconds could have been cut if you needed extra time to make the ending feel like it wasn’t a random after thought. This could be a product of certain parts of the episode being written by an AI, though I’m not sure how much of it actually was. If it was just the ending or the text messages or the major story beats, or maybe it was nothing at all and they just credited ChatGPT for fun. Still, it could have been better.

And what’s life without Random nitpicks?

A little itty bit out of touch. Just a tiny bit, but like why does the Home Screen of the iPhone 12s that the kids have look like it’s from 2010? Also it’s not like nobody would have heard of ChatGPT

That scene of Peter Mullen peeing was way too long. Very Family Guy style, with a long drawn out joke that went on for it to still be funny.

I don’t really like the design of the character played by the incomparable Betty Boogie Parker. It feels too modern, and I liked Heather William’s design more.

#south park #Season 26 #Deep learning #I liked this episode #I don’t know if it’s better or worse than Cupid Ye #I think I prefer Cupid Ye #this one was pretty good though #I’m not sure how much of it was written by CharGPT #I think the ending was #it felt like it ended too fast #whatever though #good episode

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thebreakfastgenie · 1 year

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I mean... I don't usually put a footnote on every post I make saying (I am trans) any more than you footnote your posts saying (I am a cis feminist lesbian) or... any other identifier? I don't personally think it's really okay to jump in and cissplain transphobia just because no one announced they were trans. It would also be weird to mansplain feminism even if no one said (I am a woman) in their post. I think you also know full well that I did not mix you up with someone else since you went on to explain the context of how and why you did it. And just on a related note... if identifying transphobia in the feminist movement is so important to you, then why have you been going to such lengths to soften the blow of the impact transphobia within feminism has? Continually pointing out that it's bad but that it's not AS bad as other things. Saying that while it's bad, it comes from a place of "hate the sin, not the sinner". Making sure we know some TERFs don't even hate trans men, just misgender and bully them out of "love"? And don't fret - it could be worse! At least the people bullying you don't have societal power. This isn't meaningfully addressing transphobia in the movement. It's minimizing it.

Most of what you are saying isn't wrong. It is important to remember the power of right wing politicians. But also, TERFs suck, and sometimes they have a meaningful effect on our lives too.

Okay, yes, I’ll cop to being sarcastic with the “you must be mixing me up with someone else” thing, but can you blame me after this many asks?

I’m answering this one because it’s very important to me that it’s clear to anyone who may be reading this that I was not minimizing TERFs or saying it’s “not that bad.”

I may have erred in using “hate the sin love the sinner” as a shorthand. I assumed it was widely understood that that rhetoric was bullshit. It is hate, but it’s a condescending type of hate that claims to be for the victim’s benefit. A lot of trans people smarter than me have written about the way some TERFs talk about trans men vs trans women. That’s what I was referring to. I wasn’t saying they were truly acting out of love, and I’m sorry if my choice of idiom suggested that.

It was not my intention to minimize the impact of TERFs by discussing their relative lack of institutional power in the United States. I think that’s interesting and worth discussing. You can argue that bigots with institutional power aren’t necessarily worse, but they are different. The distinction matters to me.

I don’t expect people to identity themselves as trans in every post. But that also means the OP can’t expect that I will treat this as a situation where I would be cissplaining by responding to the post. And when OP responded to me they did not say I had done so. If someone wants to cite their lives experience in a discussion then at that point they do need to disclose the relevant identity, but that wasn’t happening here.

The original post was primarily about feminism, not transphobia. I brought transphobia up because the commenter I was responding to mentioned TERFs but didn’t mention transphobia, instead calling TERFs misogynists and patriarchs. My original point was that I think it’s better to call TERFs transmisogynists or transphobes rather than misogynists, even if they do harm women, because I think it’s important to highlight that what defines them as a group is their hatred of trans people. Focusing on TERFs harming cis women in my opinion carries the (probably unintentional) implication that their rhetoric isn’t bad enough if it doesn’t affect cis people. I probably would have let it go if that post hadn’t also called them patriarchs, but that pushed me over the edge.

I simply did not at any point come onto a trans person’s post and cissplain anything. Most of the discussions about transphobia have been on my own posts because I’ve been getting anons like this.

TERFs are bad. I believe that bigotry can be more effectively combated if we understand the nature of it so it’s important to me that we hate TERFs accurately.

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donnerpartyofone · 5 months

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I received a direct message including only the word "hi" from the bot above, whose blog contains only the extremely relevant-to-my-interests post above, while I was loading up this whole screed about how incredibly stupid I am, featuring this large pile of blank paper that I just paid to have "printed", twice, because I couldn't possibly be bothered to actually look at or think about what I'm fucking doing at any given time.

And actually this shouldn't even have been a surprise because I'm a big dumb piece of shit in general but also because I've been fucking things up from the second I woke up this morning including triggering a catastrophic avalanche of boxes and furniture because I stacked things like a fucking idiot, right on top of the extremely idiotic place where I "stored" our Important Documents. Then I spent about an hour looking at the same movie and transit schedules over and over and over again like a fucking idiot and because I can't do addition or subtraction or even just reference my own experiences of going to familiar places and doing familiar things, and I'm actually not sure if I drew any conclusions, I just went ahead and bought some tickets anyway like a fucking idiot, one of which cost about the amount of money that I just spent on printing two different versions of the same document that was largely full of blank pages, which I rode my bike to go do without even thinking for one second about taking a lock with me, and also when I paid the first time I didn't notice that they hadn't given me the second document I asked for, at which time I realized I never told them I needed it in color, so now I actually have 2/3 documents that are completely useless and a waste of money, of which I have none coming in because I've been looking for a new job for 15 years and almost nobody has ever even emailed me back and you can guess why (actually one person agreed to interview me, and I fucked up disastrously right away, and then she spent the whole interview telling me what a fucking idiot I am, and even if that wasn't a very nice or even rational thing to do, she is right).

My therapist called in sick today and I'm sort of glad because I didn't want to talk to her, but now I get to spend an extra week stressing out over how to deal with her the next time she tries to address my complex of problems by making excuses for me and trying to make me stop saying things like "there's something wrong with me" because according to her I'm fine and great and awesome even, it's the rest of the world that's fucked up! Like that's rilly cool and all but I do not understand how deciding that yes means no and up is down and black is white, and talking like bad things are good and acts of destruction and waste are not important and I'm never responsible for my mistakes, is supposed to make anything easier for me. That's just language control, which is something that cults and bad employers do, it has no material benefit besides making sure other people don't have to hear anything they don't like. But fine, let's try it. Like oh, OK, I did something really rad today by knocking over half of everything in the house because I put something important in a super smart place nested underneath and inside of a bunch of unwieldy and fragile bullshit. Then I wasted a ton of money I don't have on things I don't need because I didn't look what I was doing and I didn't tell anyone how to help me. That was so right of me, I will never say anything is wrong again, because it isn't, wrongness doesn't exist because I'm awesome and I love myself and the fact that I'm constantly mired in problems that I myself create somehow has nothing to do with me or my thoughts and behaviors.

I guess all my problems are solved now because I learned to abandon my values and rational thought and stop accurately describing events in my life, and now I just replace every negative descriptor of my actions and reactions with positive ones, and somehow that translates into having completely inappropriate and counterintuitive feelings about myself and my life, which further somehow translates into not being depressed or stressed out anymore despite being constantly bombarded by stressors incurred by me personally, every single day, by being a fucking idiot. Oh sorry, I meant a fucking cool nice pretty talented genius who everybody loves including me. Yay, now I don't need therapy anymore. This is exactly what I will explain to my therapist when I inevitably fire her.

#i keep remembering other dumb shit i did this morning that i forgot to even list #there's just too much i only do dumb shit #and i have to spend all my energy cataloging it because no one ever believes me

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