#i don’t want to get better

[iwillstopcrying]

Just once, I want to be held. I want to be in someone’s arms, I want them to tell me what I am worth and what I am not. I want them to tell me I am worth the day and the night, I am worth the sun and the moon, I am worth the future. And I want them to tell me I am not worth this. I am not worth what happened. The misfortunes are not my fault. And I'll skip back to my classes because being held and being cared for has made me feel worth the good things. Or maybe I won’t - I have felt all the bad and all the good and I still want to be unhappy. Maybe I want to be held, and be unhappy. Maybe I can be held forever if I am bad. If I am not weak, will I stop being held? If I am not hopeless, will I stop being cared for?

#i don’t want to get better #poems #poetry #poetry on tumblr #mitski #i love poetry #writers and poets #dead poets society #new poets community #spilled ink #spilled works #spilled poem #spilled journal #spilled feelings #writing #words #jellycats #journal #journal thoughts #women #female writers #poems and poetry #original poetry #original poems #tv girl #ink #everything we were and everything we could’ve been

[moodivy]

I’m scared to get help

#i don’t want to get better

[apollos-boyfriend]

“the writer’s strike will impact your favorite tv show!!!1!1!”

#icarus speaks #like. yeah that’s the fucking point 😭 #i don’t want to watch a show if the writers aren’t being treated fairly. #like i thought that was the consensus. i hope shows get stalled and held back because of this #because that proves that striking DOES work and also will better the quality #cause the writers will actually be treated like people 😭

[talesoffairies]

i don’t want to be this sad

but that’s is all i ever had

i grasp onto what’s left of me

#lana del rey #healing #letting go #i don’t want to get better #cptsd #invisible pain #suffering

[marisatomay]

i’m so sick of writers who proudly proclaim that they don’t read and directors and actors and other filmmakers who smugly say that they rarely watch movies or any artist who acts like an audience is stupid for connecting with their work like what the fuck is wrong with you that you hold such contempt such derision for the art that you have chosen to make the art that so many people dream of the opportunity to make the art that brings meaning and connection to people’s lives it’s unbelievably disrespectful to both your audience and the art-form and if you can’t muster basic respect for either your art-form or your audience then kindly fuck off and do something else

#i hate how rare it is to have an actor be like ‘yeah i just really love movies and going to the movies it’s the best i love what i do’ #to the point where when an actor or director IS like that people are like ‘wow what a freak…they’re faking it for attention’ like!! no!! #that’s what it’s SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE!! you WANT creators who are obsessed with their medium!!! #and what gets me about the people who don’t feel that way is the clear Pride they feel like they’re Better for not caring #that uk ya author adapting the odyssey and admitting that they’ve never read the odyssey or the iliad #that writer on twitter saying that telling writers to read is ableist #the russo brothers saying that the theatrical experience is elitist and auteurism should bow to the disney/netflix model #christain bale and any number of other actors who proudly announce that they don’t watch movies #sam levinson who talks about tv like it’s a long movie because he can’t hack it as a filmmaker like his dad but he doesn’t actually LIKE tv #like i get not wanting to consume your own work after it’s released unless it’s for research or self reflection purposes #but you do not exist or create in a vacuum and it’s SO disrespectful and arrogant to act like you do

[maddymoreau]

Thinking about how Diavolo’s feelings transcend time and how in the Nightbringer UR+ card Demon Lord’s Castle Tour this conversation happens.

When asked, “Do you wish to see your father?”

Diavolo responds:

“I suppose I do . . .” isn’t the typical reaction to how a child would feel about wanting to see their parent. Especially when said parent has essentially been in a coma for a year.

Along with how Diavolo describe his father.

It makes more sense why when you learn in Lesson 56 how Diavolo was treated by him growing up.

Diavolo can tell when others are lying but is unable to understand his father’s intentions.

Diavolo mentions that he lived a very sheltered life growing up. That from a young age his father never allowed him a chance to talk to anyone outside the castle.

His childhood friend was Mephistopheles. A demon literally RAISED to be his friend. Putting a barrier between the two because Mephistopheles would put Diavolo on a pedestal.

The isolating childhood he experienced riddled with his strict father constantly scolding him.

Despite everything MC is so important to him he wants to see his father again so we can meet.

#Demons and Humans can’t get married even in the present so it adds an extra layer him wanting to introduce us. #There’s a lot more you could add onto this (please do I’d love to hear other’s thoughts). #Like how Diavolo’s childhood affected him just look at the way he describes himself: #“The truth is I am a child in a way. A child who spends his time alone and never gets to do anything interesting.” #A lot of Diavolo’s poor behavior while not excused comes from his childhood. #How Diavolo admits to using his position to force others to do what he wants. Along with how he doesn’t like sharing. #Diavolo’s insecurities in his friendships with others. #Mainly Lucifer and Barbatos which makes sense with how they happened. #IE Forcing Barbatos to become his butler and the oath/deal with Lucifer regarding Lilith. #It’s clear Diavolo is very lonely and carrying a heavy burden. #I like that MCs presence is helping him change into a better person. #Also I don’t think Diavolo hates his father their relationship just isn’t good and very complicated. #Diavolo is such a wonderful character if you have any in-depth posts about him please tag me I’d love to read them!!! #I AM FILLED WITH SAPPY THOUGHTS ABOUT DIAVOLO TONIGHT!!!! #Obey Me #Obey Me Spoiler #Obey Me Nightbringer #OMSWD #Obey Me Diavolo #Diavolo #MaddyMajolish #Is it obvious I can’t sleep because I’m riddled with Blorbo thoughts

[tobeanssss]

Why is being sad? The happiest feeling in the world.

#i am sad #i am tired #ed dairy #screaming #ahhhhhh #sad post #I don’t want to get better

[horrorlesbians]

“I only like a24 horror” “I only like elevated horror” ur not a horror fan then. I’m gatekeeping. watch attack of the killer tomato’s, society, and the stuff and feel something

#🦌 #it’s giving people who are embarrassed that they like horror #I like some of a24s horror films don’t get me why but it’s so annoying when people want to make themselves seem better than other horror fan #by saying they only like a24 horror

[bpdohwhatajoy]

Being autistic is just people constantly violating your boundaries you already struggle to maintain

#ryan.txt #autism #actually autistic #no I don’t want to fucking call #I don’t like talking on the phone unless it’s my fp and you’re not that #so stop trying to pressure me I don’t wanna talk I just want to watch my movies that relate to my special interest in peace #people always getting mad at me when I don’t wanna talk on the phone like what the fuck #and they make me feel like the bad guy #I’m literally just chilling watching my damn movies bro pls I don’t wanna talk to people #bitches always act like it’s fine that ur autistic until ur actually autistic and it’s more than a label #it’s sad how many of you relate #this shouldn’t be the case #fuck people #you guys deserve so much better

[ghostgoing]

Thought: The Fenton Kids Have CPTSD

One of the causes of CPTSD is being in a situation where you felt unsafe for extended periods of time. For example, living in a house with bad lab safety and food that attacks you. Danny also has the additional factor of Vlad.

sometimes, when you’re a person with CPTSD, you don’t want to get until the full story of what happened. Hence, when one of the kids is telling one of the batkids about their experience, they just say “my parents had an unsecure lab in the basement of our house, and it made things kind of stressful, but they’re doing better“

Does they’re doing better mean they’re dead? Or maybe they’re in jail? Or did they *clutches pearl necklace* learn lab safety?

not really noticing the batkid’s horror, the Fenton kid continues “Anyway, that’s why I’m super stressed all the time, because one of the symptoms of CPTSD is feeling like you’re in danger all the time“

Cue batkid internally freaking out being like “oh my God we all have CPTSD?“

The answer is yes, by the way.

Luckily, Danny happens to know a great psychologist…

#dpxdc #Dcxdp #This is inspired by me explaining that I have CPTSD because of my brother’s horrific temper #and then saying he’s in a better place now #without saying that the better place is dead #because I don’t really want to get into that #don’t mind me just trauma dumping in the tags #My brother was a good kid with some mood stability issues partially caused by the heart defect that killed him #anyway

[biggusdichuss]

New students

Bro I’m so excited for the new season wowowoow

#I’m very excited to see just what ever they get up to #but I wanted to redesign them #I don’t think their original designs are all that bad I just didn’t like the neon colors and all the clashing patterns #I liked fridas original design the best but the colors and patterns just clashed too much #no idea what was going on with harriets design it was so weird #although I do like the pink hair #her and Joan can be pink hair buddies #I gave Confucius socks and slides instead of a Fanny pack because it’s funny #I tried to keep the colors the same but just make them for a little better and desaturate them a bit #I gave Harriet the boots I wear all the time #woohoo #clone high frida #clone high harriet tubman #clone high confucius #clone high s2 #clone high #mind you this is in no way me fixing their designs but rather how I interpreted them

[compaculaaa]

Please excuse my attempt at being funny

#transformers animated #tfa #tfa optimus prime #tfa sentinel prime #tfa elita one #alpha trion #sparkling siblings au #after draiwng so much I’m starting to crash #but here have a shitty comic of alpha trion accidentally creating a nuke #and his kids being absolutely terrified of it #like they see him adding random ass shit to the pan and they brace for impact #you’d think after 6 billion stellar cycles alpha learns how to cook #very cheesy but I wanted to get this out of my system #and maybe I’ll draw more adult sibling content #still practicing how to draw better more Tfa looking #as you can see from my op it’s not looking so good #but I just have to keep working #tq tq for the support as much as I feel like trash I’m glad others don’t #I hope at least #maccadam

[deltaruminations]

what if gaster in a future chapter calls out the audience for speculating so much about him. the guy canonically has some amount of access to Real Life Social Media. like i started this mostly as a joke but there are definitely some real metanarrative opportunities for a character with recklessly curious impulses, and possibly a fragile sense of self, having nearly limitless access to streams of debate over whether or not he’s a bastard. rude to talk about someone who’s listening etc

#this is very fast and loose character reading on my part but i do get the sense sometimes #that gaster may be asking some of the same questions of himself that we are of him. #’who are you? how should i feel about you? should i sympathize with you or be disgusted by you?’ #i said ‘call out’ in the post but i don’t even necessarily think this is a matter of anger #so much as sincere confusion and ego-shattering overwhelm #a character so wrung out by the mechanisms of audience interpretation that even he has no idea who he is anymore #and he’s looking at ​the audience who looked so hard for him and spent so much energy tearing him apart for clues or answers #and saying ‘you want to know what i am. but you seem to know that better than i do. please tell me. tell me what you think.’ #’because i want to know just as much as you do.’ #…anyway this is not real speculation. just rambling on an idea i think would be cool lol #$ waltz of a shattered man

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

mmmmmMMMMMMM

#sigh #I wanted this break to be nice and relaxing #just allow myself to recharge maybe do some silly personal doodles #but we finally got the quote from the mechanic and it’s #it’s bad but it’s either get this repair or get an all new car we can’t afford #this whole month has been a terrible downward spiral and I’m #trying so hard #I’m not well #things aren’t letting up #I have no motivation to do anything enjoyable #nothing feels enjoyable #I just #I want to sleep forever #I don’t want to deal with this anymore #I still can’t seem to get a job #Q’s job is mentally destroying him because of the things he’s now being exposed to #but he’s been trying to get a new job since mid April #I #no longer feel any hope that things will get better #Christmas? #I feel no Christmas joy #I feel no joy #I picked a shit time to get off my meds but #I don’t know I’m tired of taking pills #there’s nothing wrong with needing them I get that but I just #I didn’t want that anymore #sorry I just needed to yell into the void before I lose my fucking mind #I’m fine things will be fine they’re always fine in the end they have to be

[pizzaqueen]

One day I will write a fic that is not a first kiss fic, but today is not that day! This is mostly dialogue, but I might expand it at some point. Brief mention of Mary Jane (sorry, I don't know what Tumblr censors these days lol) / rated T

“You know, Steve…”

“I do know Steve.” Steve's lips tilt in a proud smile.

Eddie snorts. “You’re a funny guy. Anyone ever tell you that?”

“All the time.”

“Anyway. Like I was saying: You know, Steve…” Eddie looks at Steve, waiting for him to interrupt again, but he doesn’t, so he goes on, saying, “Sometimes I wish you were a girl.” Why hasn’t he ever told Steve this before? High Eddie is so much smarter than sober Eddie. Steve should know this.

“What? Why?”

“So I could kiss you.” Eddie scrunches his nose up. “But now that I’ve said it out loud, that’s dumb, because I don’t want to kiss girls.”

“Okay…”

“Maybe I wish I were a girl so you would kiss me.” Eddie scrubs a hand over his face, shakes his head. “Except, I don’t wanna be a chick. And, like, I’m basically a dude version of Buckley, except cooler—”

“Robin’s cool.”

“—and you don’t want to kiss her.”

“Well…”

“Wait, do you?”

“Not lately.”

“So, you guys…”

“No.”

“Right. Well, I don’t wanna be a girl—”

“Eddie.”

“—but I still wanna kiss you, and I can’t as a guy, well I could, but—”

“Eddie!”

“What?”

“I want to kiss you.” Steve’s lips twitch and he adds, “As a guy.”

Eddie opens his mouth, closes it again. “You do?”

Steve nods, pushing himself up on one elbow, leaning over Eddie. Leaning down, so close, and, oh, he’s going to—

Eddie pushes a hand in Steve’s face. “Wait. Why didn’t you ever kiss me before then?”

The next words Steve says are muffled by Eddie’s hand.

“What?”

“I said,” Steve says, moving his face so Eddie’s hand is cupping his jaw instead, “because I didn’t know you were gay.”

“I didn’t know you were gay.”

“I’m not. But I still want to kiss you.”

“You…” Eddie’s brow furrows. Does that make sense? It has to because Steve wouldn’t say it otherwise. He looks up at Steve, still leaning over him, so pretty and right there and he wants to kiss Eddie and Eddie’s head is still pleasantly fuzzy from the weed they smoked and, wait, why is he just looking at Steve?

“Okay, yeah,” he says, “that works for me,” and slides his hand to hook around the back of Steve’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss. “I’m so happy you’re not a girl,” he murmurs against Steve’s lips.

“I’m pretty happy about it too,” Steve says, and then he kisses Eddie properly and they stop talking for a long while.

#steddie #Steddie fic #Steddie fanfic #gay Eddie munson #(wouldn’t normally tag that but because of the first line I don’t want ppl to get disappointed and thinking it’s bi!eddie 😅) #it’s just high Eddie being silly #pizzaqueenfic #watch me post this and find mistakes later #i should probably wait to post this until a better time but whatever

[deityofhearts]

:’) sorry to have to ebeg on tumblr dot com again but my phone bill is approaching once again and I am nowhere near having enough money to cover it + grocery and other necessary items I need

$0/150

kofi

cashapp

venmo

paypal

#deity dialogue #I’m so stressed I could throw up lmao #because my job is an odd job + I rely on others to get me there and there’s only limited opportunities and hours I don’t even make enough #money #like yes some money is better than none but it’s not enough to like live it’s not enough to save up and be okay #and where I live at has no other job opportunities we’ve literally applied everywhere here and in surrounding cities #I just want to scream I want to scream