#i feel like my only personality is being an undergraduate student

[levmada]

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot. 

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology. 

 I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life. 

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time. 

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others. 

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son. 

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness. 

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’. 

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely. 

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later. 

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early. 

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity 

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground. 

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples. 

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish. 

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own. 

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless. 

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.) 

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment. 

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman. 

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside). 

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is. 

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least. 

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry. 

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”. 

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability. 

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life. 

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

#levi aot #snk levi #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #captain levi #captain levi ackerman #aot levi #aot levi ackerman #attack on titan levi #aot meta #levi heichou #rivaille heichou #levi rivaille #rivaille ackerman #lance corporal rivaille #levi snk #levi.thoughts #aot #attack on titan

[daresplaining]

I'm not American but I heard that in the USA you have to finished another college degree before being allowed to start law school. Is it true? Has Marvel ever adressed this whole deal about Matt or they just act like he only studied law?

Great question! I will start by saying that I am not a lawyer, so I'm not the best person to ask about the US law school process. However, I believe I have some lawyers/law students following this blog, so please feel free to chime in with more details or if I get anything wrong here!

To my understanding, yes, you need to have an undergraduate/Bachelor's degree in order to be eligible for law school (in fact, I think you need an undergraduate degree to be eligible for any US graduate school program). Some colleges offer a Pre-Law major for students who know they want to continue on to law school, but I believe this is not a requirement, and that any undergraduate degree will do. In addition to that, aspiring law students also take the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test).

There is a ridiculous lack of continuity surrounding Matt and Foggy's college/law school education (I talked about it a bit in this post), but Matt's lawyer-ness has always been a firmly established part of his character, and so we do know that he (and Foggy) majored in Pre-Law.

Matt: "Uh, this is for you..." Elektra: "You are the one on the steps..." Matt: "Matthew Murdock. Matt. I'm in Pre-Law..." Elektra: "Elektra Natchios, Political Science." Daredevil vol. 1 #168 by Frank Miller, Klaus Janson, Dr. Martin, and Joe Rosen

#Daredevil #Matt Murdock #Asks #Adventures in Continuity

[communistkenobi]

this is maybe silly to tell you about but i'm very envious of how smart you seem and the level of grasp you have on theory that feels incredibly scary to me. i was in uni for sociology, and save for one text that i understood from start to finish, the rest of it always felt like it was deleting my brain cells slowly and made me feel stupid, even as smn who had grown up being a "literature" person. i think it's just a matter of getting started, but it all feels embarrassing >>

what I’m about to say is going to sound very masturbatory and self-aggrandising, but that can’t really helped on account of the fact that the topic is what a smart little boy I am

one, thank you! I’m always very flattered when people give me this compliment. I don’t think it’s silly at all. two, I’m pursuing a PhD in the social sciences with the intent to stay in the academy after I get my doctorate, and my particular field of study skews towards critical theory. on average only 1% of people in canada have a PhD, and a fraction of that percentile have my particular academic trajectory - all of which to say, I am an outlier amongst a peer group of outliers, so I’m an extremely bad measuring stick to use when judging your own critical capabilities. I’ve been in post-secondary school for roughly 7 years now and will be in it for at least four more, and for the past 4ish of those years my main source of employment has been teaching and research, so I am both paying for and being paid to read theory and teach it to undergraduate students in small classroom settings. By the standards of academia I’m very junior, but I have a lot of specialised training in talking and reading, which is to say, it’s taken me a very long time to be where I am now. My academic career depends on my ability to produce original thoughts and write them down in a way that both speaks to existing scholarship while contributing new things to said scholarship, so I’m in an environment that enforces a very particular kind of discipline that is not remotely common or normal. Being a graduate student isn’t a rich profession by any means, but you are paid to learn information and write it down - something I would not be able to do if I was working a full time job.

I also frequently don’t understand the shit I’m reading! It’s extremely difficult to read academic texts because they’re meant to be read in classroom settings where you’re forced to voice your confusion, speak with other people about what you’re reading, defend your positions, connect it to other work, synthesise it in essay format, and so on. My live-blogging of books I’m reading is an attempt to simulate that, because I tend to learn best when writing out why I have the opinions I hold. Being confused isn’t a sign of stupidity but rather a simple fact that you’re brushing up against concepts and theories that take people their whole careers to develop and publish.

My own background in academia is also very eclectic, so I know a little bit about many topics, but there are very little topics can I speak authoritatively on - I can’t speak about the state of knowledge on, say, international relations, or critical race legal scholarship, or employment disability policy, but I know vaguely of those things. I’m not even a well-read marxist lol

All of which is to say - I am a horrible metric to compare yourself to. I am one of the few sickos who genuinely wants to remain in the academy for the rest of my life because I sincerely believe in the pursuit and production of knowledge, and my chance to do so is largely dependant on my ability to explain myself to other people. Put another way, I have spent my entire adult life training to be a marginally popular communist tumblrina on a website primarily known for producing supernatural actor porn. So either way don’t feel bad about it

#asks

[valyrfia]

hellooo deviating from the usual a little bit here, sorry, but would it be okay w you to share a little about your academic career and yk all that because im applying for a STEM degree too so any insight would be really cool!! thank youuuu <3

Hi anon! Sure thing! I'm a little flattered honestly.

I'm currently working towards my PhD in physics (hence my obsession with data haha) so I can really only give advice in that field. In terms of my journey, in school I pretty gifted academically, 99th percentile and all that bullshit and it came to applying for unis/degrees and I had an option between doing a History & English or a physics degree. In school I definitely enjoyed the humanities more, but I've never regretted my decision to go with STEM, physics especially, because it teaches you a certain way to think. In my undergraduate degree I was trained to look at a situation, evaluate the context of it, try and collect data that is unbiased as possible, and draw conclusions, and that's a set of invaluable transferable skills that can be applied to a multitude of fields.

To someone who's just starting out in STEM now my advice would be: network, network, network. My partner and I are both doing PhDs that we got not through applying but through networking. Everyone is as smart as everyone else in STEM. Everyone was an honours kid, everyone did the "smart people" extracurriculars, so STEM, especially academia, runs on who you know. Networking these days can be as simple as asking someone slightly senior than you to grab coffee, as agreeing to go bouldering (for example) with a group of people in the same field as you. Be confident in your skills and abilities, (but beware that arrogance won't get you very far in the being liked game, especially if you're anything other than a white cis man). Don't let your studies get in the way of you being an interesting person! For example, I met a colleague from another university a couple of weeks ago and she and I bantered over our F1 teams, with her defending McLaren and me ride or die-ing for Ferrari, and I've since been roped into her mailing list and am collaborating with her on a grant application, things I'm SURE would not have happened if F1 wasn't an interesting hobby of mine that I can and will take every chance to yap about.

As a final aside, don't let yourself get too discouraged. STEM is NOT for the faint of heart and definitely not the place to go if you want to keep feeling smart. The first two years of any STEM degree are designed to break people in a specific way so that they let go of their ego, yes it is part of the process and YES everyone is struggling just as much as you (that's actually want they want you to figure out!), so that then they can enter the world of research with as little ego as possible (this works to varying degrees of success). But honestly, STEM is so rewarding. To have this really in depth knowledge of how part of our world works is fascinating. Your friends who work in non-STEM fields will understand absolutely none of it, and you'll get to a point where even the effort of trying to explain it to other fields of STEM is too monumental (for example, I understand enough about basic aero in order to get to grips with F1 cars, but a friend of mine is doing aero research and he spent about ten minutes the other month trying to explain push/pull bars in F1 cars to a group of PhD students comprising of: theoretical physicist, astrophysicist, plasma physicist, a quantum physicist, and mechanical engineer before the poor guy almost gave up and had a nervous breakdown because none of us were getting it). I think part of the beauty of STEM is realising how little you know, and how much of it there is for us to still work out.

You got this! You're at the beginning of a beautiful journey and I KNOW it'll turn out brilliant <3.

#Maybe one day I'll use my real life experience and write Lestappen as PhD students AU that's been lurking at the back of my head for ages #maybe #charles is So Meticulous in his technical stuff i think he would work in something more applied #i think max would be a mathematical physicist they just all have that vibe #(highly skilled loser) #anywhoo i digress #asks #anon #personal

[nix-whythisfilm]

Movies on Writers and Artists

For the writers and artists. Might update it if I find or remember more...

Little women (2019)

An absolute classic of literature, with Jo March being the prime writer in the film. The film covers the domestic life of five women where they all move into their own directions through the course f the story. They start out being artists and writers amongst themselves and then branch out due to various life circumstances. The people who do move into art successfully are Amy being the painter, Jo being the writer, and Beth being the pianist despite her early death. The movie has a strong message for women that they can endure and do anything they put their minds to.

Something I personally liked in the movie is her writing spree at the end. She was driven, by strong feelings and more. The scenes that added up to her writing were something really inspiring to have the writing flow. It often helps me to write whenever I rewatch the movie.

Kill your Darlings (2013)

The film was based on real writers Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac, and William Burroughs through their journeys at Columbia University. This film seems like a pinnacle moment that went on to influence their lives during the modern and post-modern eras of literature. Most English Literature degrees around the world cover the Beat movement and Literature by at least one of these writers. In my undergraduate degree we had the poem "Howl" and studied the Beat movement and the spirit it encompassed.

The movie I felt was incredibly inspiring. It hits like a motivational speech, making you want to grab a piece of pen and paper, making you itch to write something and be a part of the history of English Literature. Their stories are something that people would love to call fictional and completely reckless. But they had a point, they made it a point to establish that writing necessarily does not have to be formatted and traditional. They wrote something revolutionary and made sacrifices that were personal. The movie itself stuck a personal chord in me.

Dead Poets Society (1989)

The movie is obviously very old compared to the movies that are easily watched by the majority of the audience. The film, old as it is, is bound to a certain level of ancient traditions and beliefs that may be considered old-fashioned. There was a time when it faced quite a few allegations that it was misogynistic and male chauvinistic. I will not completely disagree, but it does have a spirit that can be enjoyed without being entirely conscious of the offensive remarks that sound mild. The film itself is a story about a group of boys in a boarding school and an inspiring teacher who wants to awaken the humanity in his students while fighting against the norm of monotonous career paths.

The movie is a personal favourite, considering that I came from a family struggling to accept that I was a student of the Humanities. It had a very important lesson that I often want to preach to everyone around me, with the majority of people I know very casually insulting and degrading artists and writers. It is a hard choice of career, and most struggle to achieve a balance in their life while also contributing to the field of Literature. With so many people so close-minded, a person of humanities is often ridiculed for having an open mind despite it being something helpful, rather than not.

Colette (2018)

The film is based on the true story of the writer Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette in France. The woman was talented in more ways than one, and the film itself speaks about her journey as a writer and mostly through her marriage with Henry Gauthier-Villars. The story talks of a harsh relationship where he often forced her to write for him, along with his other faults, while she only endured them and even went along with his schemes to be the power couple they both quickly became.

Something remarkable in the film is her fiery spirit. Kiera Knightly has played her part excellently, not sure how accurate it might be to the actual story. The film moves in a quick fashion, showing her attitude of taking everything for the better and quickly adapting to any situation she is in and making the best out of it. Her rage and her various frustrations, she somehow always channelled into something she can present to the world and profit from it. That itself was what made the movie so memorable to me.

Frida (2002)

This film stars Salma Hayek and many other significant actors of that time. While the film covered the life story of Frida Kahlo, it also shows much about the working of the world around artists and how they are spun into the web of politics. This film spoke a lot about how people are involved in politics or drama, casually.

The artist itself was an enigma to the audience and the world with her indomitable spirit and being a force of nature in her life. She had tragedies in her life since the beginning but they never stopped her from doing what she wanted or from experiencing her life just like any normal person would. Her art, which was discovered relatively late in her lifetime, became a technique and style of its own. The film also shows how her life was full of scandal and much like a cinematic story.

The Guernsey Literary and the Potato Peel Pie Society (2018)

This film was adapted from the book of the same name, based on studies on the German occupation of the island of Guernsey. The story is about the life of a writer Juliet who wrote about an artist in the times of war. While struggling to live in the city after having been a victim of the war herself, she constantly is shown to be out of place in social gatherings. And while a majority of artists in this industry are shown, and even are, introverts, Juliet here is an extrovert who has grown weary of society.

The film moves into the story quickly, showing the residents of the island becoming penpals and acquaintances of Juliet. There she tries to learn more about the effects of the invasion on the people who lived there. But somewhere in between the journey, she finds her home. The movie was truly enlightening on how the writers of different times fared against the tides of the world and made their way in their life.

Crimson Peak (2015)

Also a book adaptation, Crimson Peak is an extraordinary film directed by Guillermo Del Toro and starring Jessica Chastain and Tom Hiddleston. The movie has intense colouring and a very heavy presence of music and dramatic mystery. The film has some gore, and maybe some bad CGI with horror elements. But it is a good watch, and one with something that keeps you curious to keep watching.

It's interesting how this film too shows another writer, the main character, who is the daughter of a self-made businessman in America after the wars. The story moves quickly in the obvious direction of her falling in love with the European man who is looking for investors. But mystery surrounds him and his sister, and her father questions his integrity. The film itself is a visual treat with a strong plot.

Luckiest Girl Alive (2022)

The film, in the beginning, is a pain to watch. It drags and feels pointless, her inner monologue is borderline creepy and feels like so much drama. It surprised me that it was based on a book. But the more you watch the film, the more the pieces fall together. It is a challenging piece of media that expects the audience to have the patience and open mind to completely accept it. Mila Kunis has a very unique role in this, where she keeps switching her personalities.

The film is gripping and sounds so normal in the beginning, but the more we watch the more the false layers fall off. It is one of the slices of life movies based on a true story and strikes a chord among so many people around the world. It speaks of an experience that is so intimate but also something that leaves you so distant and unfeeling for yourself. It surely is an excellent watch. The only thing that anyone needs to watch out for is the assortment of swear words.

Hymn of Death (2018)

The mini-series is based on the stories of real-life artists and writers. The film is made in Korean but has a considerable amount of Japanese in it. The story covers the life of the playwright Woo-Jin and the soprano Shim Deok during the Japanese Occupation of Korea. They both meet in an institution in Japan where they have gone to pursue their studies, which is where they both fall in love.

As with any other situation, their lives get complicated quickly with their personal situations getting entangled and leaving them with some hard choices to make. The series itself has a streak of melancholy throughout while also showing the lives of the artists in that era and the culture. It is interesting to watch how some things exist across cultures and affects people despite their race, age, gender, or the society they live in.

Our Beloved Summer (2021)

This series has an extremely strong bias in my mind for the artist's work that has been put in for the direction. It stars Choi Wooshik who starred in the Oscar-winning film 'Parasite', and the character is nothing like the one he has played before. The story covers the life of the artist before and after ten years, the difference it had in his life and the romance of his high school. It is a specific genre of romance, comedy, and mild drama that is appealing for a comfortable watch.

Their personalities are a treat to watch as they mingle and spar over words. The series shows the flow of life that is easy and fulfilling though it might not always have everything we want. The protagonist is an easy-natured man who has been the same since he was a boy, but it also speaks of the way an artist thinks. It necessarily does not mean all artists are the same, but I was much like him when I was growing up. It is beautiful to watch, so many relationships blossoming through the journey, not devoid of pain and breakups.

#Ones that I have watched with my unique point on why to watch it and what it talks about #art #culture #painting #writer #writing #artist movies #writer movies #our beloved summer #choi wooshik #hymn of death #japanese invasion #luckiest girl alive #mila kunis #trauma survivor #journalist #crimson peak #sir thomas sharpe #mia wasikowska #tom hiddleston #jessica chastain #post moderism #modernism #art movements #literary movements #guernsey #guernsey literary and potato peel pie society #german invasion #frida kahlo #frida

[anxietywriter]

characters in college

uhhh I refer to my own experiences as an american undergraduate in case your character is also pursuing a higher education and uh american

i put in some info about the american education system and grade levels/ages at the bottom in case you find you need it!! ik it's confusing 😭😭

joining a club together with a friend just to participate in something for the good ol' resume while still hanging out. also can meet new people! it's nice though, each meeting means that they both carve out even just a little bit of time out of their schedules to attend the meeting and hang out (mine usually last an hour from 6-7 pm and are all on campus)

accidentally saying scrotum instead of sacrum. in front of the whole class. and the professor.

some classes go for as long as three hours and will be more in the evening, like start at five and end at eight. THAT BEING SAID, lil cute when it's dark and rainy and a character doesn't want to walk back to their dorm alone so their classmate escorts them back and even shares their umbrella.

kids at the back of the class getting away with everything still exists and it's great. imagine being in class and suddenly you see the group at the back of the class disappear for like an hour and they show up with fast food unnoticed by the professor. the dynamics. the lil road trip for a snack.

the group of friends that all stay up until 1am together in the library or something. whether it is to study for a big exam, finals, or to complete a jigsaw puzzle that must be absolutely done TONIGHT. and they're all sleepy and leaning on each other and mumbling incoherently to themselves. then they basically just have a sleepover.

registration. the only thing we will wake up early for. classes are filled on a first come first serve basis, you can add or drop certain classes but people need those classes. so imagine being surrounded by like three devices, all with the registration website pulled up, just to sign up for the classes they need before it gets full.

no but I think it's really cute actually when friends in the same class immediately go to lunch or dinner afterwards to hang out as much as they can before they have to go study or sleep. there's something domestic about it.

they're cooking in their apartment for a friendsgiving! something simple. well it should've been. but they're an awful cook why did their roommate let them near the stove. the small fire got bigger and now the whole building is standing outside and the firetruck is there. They bring publix fried chicken to their friendsgiving instead.

it is the middle of the night at like midnight and suddenly you can hear the voice of Freddie Mercury singing from the room next door. impromptu karaoke singing back when you open your window. perhaps even a duet.

making abominations in the ceramics class that fit within the criteria of the assignment. like, they're technically good, but visually they're like frankensteins monster.

one time my roommates professor said the f-slur in class as an example of a word meaning different things in different regions. Kind of a side eye moment lmao. foreign exchange student saying words that mran different things here? like the uk's cookies are our biscuits. but their scones are also,,, biscuits but different. their rubbers are erasers, ours are,,, condoms. also be aware that some languages have words that sound like a word that might be inappropriate in English but that does not make the language inappropriate y'know? don't be a jerk <3

seeing your classmate dressed casually in class for like the whole year. then the final comes around and it's a presentation, everyone comes dressing somewhat formal or even business casual. and hmmm that one classmate dressed up quite nicely. like damn what are these feelings,,, they're the same person what is happening, this is their fault they're hot

K-12 (refers to kindergarten to twelfth grade, education up until the person turns 18 usually)

failing a grade or being held back means they stay in the same grade level for another year and redo the work (this in turn means that they'll be a little older than their peers. i've known of people as old as 24 in high school completing their education)

Grade Levels K-5 (elementary, kids usually start at 5 years old and end at 10/11) 6-8 (middle school, they're usually 13/14 at the end) 9-12 (high school, by the time they graduate, they will be 18 for the most part)

9th grade: freshman (14-15) 10th grade: sophomore (15-16) 11th grade: junior (16-17) 12th grade: senior (18)

College/University is referred to as a secondary education college- from what i understand, meant for a 4 year degree or an undergraduate degree university- can complete a 4 year degree here and more (typically meant for further schooling beyond the initial 4 years) referred to as a graduate degree

Different types of degrees (from what i understand??): Associates (2 years), Bachelor's (4 years- most common), Masters (6 years), Doctorate (7+ years)

#prompt list #writing prompts #story prompts

[mixelation]

I always love how you manage to stick ‘working in a lab’ references into your fics and posts, and as a bio student trying to figure out wtf I’m going to do after college, may I please ask what it’s like to work in one, whether at school or elsewhere? Thank you!

P.S. I love your fics, omg. Tori is the chaotic little shit I dream of being in my everyday life (though preferably without the psychotic ninjas that could, and would, kill me. Even if that builds character lol). You make every character HILARIOUS and awesome to read. And I would def read that Tobirama fic if you ever released it, love how she is falling in love cause he’s hot and cool and her soulmate while he’s like ‘omg finally another semi-logical human being within all this b.s.’. And you know what, both completely valid, I also want a hot and awesome person who is also (mostly) well-versed in logic 🥲😂.

Hmmm I'd ay working in labs can be a really variable experience! For academic labs, they're usually set up in a way where you're just in one little group of people so lab culture becomes really important. In the lab where I worked as the lab manager, everyone mostly stuck to a strict 9-to-5 schedule with not a lot of socializing, but the lab I'm in now is more chaotic with people fitting their schedules to whatever else they have going on and we try to plan more social outings.

What you actually do in lab can vary a lot too. I've always been in a position where I do a shit ton of different tasks over the course of a week (including boring stuff no one talks about like making new reagents, or quizzing everyone on what supplies they're going to use this month so I can tell the PI what I think we should order because I never fully turned off lab manager brain), but some people end up doing literally just the same thing over and over. Like if you're really good at one type of assay a lab runs a lot? You might just get put in charge of doing it for everyone's experiments, or you might have your own experiment that literally just that assay fifteen times. It really depends on the structure of the lab.

In my previous job, I did a lot of taking over experiments for short amounts of time while we recruited a new student or someone took time off, and I did a lot of prep for experiments and follow-up assays (because I was the only one who knew how to use this one machine LMAO) and never had my own project, which was kind of frustrating but ALSO I never felt super bothered when experiments didn't work. Now I do have my own projects that I run, which I like, but I feel a lot more pressure to make those project succeed. If you go into a lab as an undergraduate, you'll probably start off helping someone on a project (and doing a lot of grunt work, like autoclaving trash lol) and then get more and more independent. Depending on how that goes and what you and your PI feel is best for you, independence might mean getting your own project, or it might mean you continue on in a similar role but now you're allowed to do more and more things unsupervised.

I like lab work a lot! I get to switch up my schedule a lot, so there's not a lot of monotony across the weeks, but I will add the caveat that a lot of bench work is really, really boring. There's a lot of repetitive tasks that are just "pipet a tiny amount of liquid into another liquid; repeat and repeat and repeat." There are a lot of tasks that are technically challenging. There's a pretty bad culture of bad work-life balance (my boss is super chill with me taking random time off, but I go in on a weekends a LOT). In research, you have to get used to and comfortable with failure, because for every successful experiment there are tons of failed ones. Yes, even if you're a super smart and high achieving student-- you will mess up, you will have everything fail, and you have to just clean it up, restrategize, and keep going. The upside is that you get to figure out cool things that no one knew before......!

#also thank you!!! #one day i will finish the tobirama fic...... one day.....!!!!

[arashrita]

Hello there! I hope all is well with you. Congratulations on your milestone~ 🥳💕 I was wondering if I could request and have a romantic match-up with an Obey Me character. I might tell too much about myself, so I apologize if you find it lengthy to read. Please take your time doing mine if you have got a lot on your plate~ >//<

I will begin with the basics. My name is Luna, and I am a heterosexual referred to by 'she/her' pronouns. My zodiac sign is Libra, and until now, I have remained skeptical about my MBTI and enneagram results, so I will not disclose it. As for my outward appearance, I am average-looking with a soft and gentle aura, short height, and poor eyesight, so I am wearing rose-gold eyeglasses.

Proceeding with my personality, I am a routine-oriented homebody who enjoys being around familiar people and places and staying in my cozy private space to do my own thing. When it comes to the group setting, I usually take leadership or any important role because I like being included and involved in central planning, inasmuch as I prefer being one of the planners rather than a follower or solely the recipient of that plan. I am conscientious about my goals and responsibilities and have perfectionist tendencies, which resulted in me becoming a consistent principal's honor roll undergraduate student in one of the top universities in my homeland. Because of that, I may appear to be a highly career-oriented individual who does not know how to have fun, but trust me, I am also an idler and procrastinator who prefers to chill, daydream, and waste my time using social media platforms, playing Otome, MOBA, and simulation games, listening to music, or reading fictional romance stories, including girls' love and boys' love or Danmei novels.

In addition, I am reserved with individuals I do not know too well or vibe with but very understanding, easy-going, really bubbly, expressive, affectionate, and humorous with my friends and other people I like. I am a go-with-the-flow person, never a risk-taker, and tend to conform to the rules because I dislike getting in trouble. I do not like being left behind and putting a burden on anyone, so I usually make myself low maintenance and suppress what I truly want. However, I am not very noble that I would stake my life for someone else nor forgiving that I would just sit by and allow someone to trample and treat me like a doormat.

In terms of likes and dislikes, I love plushies, docile cats, having out-of-nowhere insightful and meaningful conversations, squishmallows (I cannot sleep comfortably without hugging one), drinking tea, any desserts, and wrapping myself in a warm and thick blanket like a burrito (since I have a terrible cold intolerance). I do not like dirty environments, tardiness, unnecessary disturbances, sudden problems, and people who jeopardize any group activities through their laziness.

Furthermore, in a relationship, I want it to be simply just being each other's safe space and rest. I am quite a private and low-key person as well, so I prefer if we both have hidden sides and many moments that we only know. My love languages are physical touch because I like cuddles, being hugged (like that big hug where I can bury myself on their chest or neck), and hugging people while caressing their hair, words of affirmation when I am comfortable telling what is on my mind, quality time because once they enter my private space, I feel like I will absolutely love doing almost everything with them, even the simplest and most mundane things, and acts on service because I usually take the initiative to do a task that will lessen the burden on their shoulders or simply take care of them on the simple things.

And that is all~ I apologize again if this is too long. Thank you so much in advance, and congrats again!! ♡

Hey there! I hope you are doing well. I had fun reading. You seem like a great person!

Here, after thinking for a while I think that Satan will be your best match.

If you decide to date then,

You Two will visit bookstores, museums, cat cafès often.

Spend a lot of time in the library.

Late night discussions, long talks and stuff like that.

He will read to you and you might just end up falling asleep on top of him.

Will have upset and downs, he is the incarnation of wrath after all. But I feel like you are the patient and understanding one, so you two will figure it out eventually.

Playing with cats is like an everyday routine.

You can do group projects together.

Overall, a pretty much good relationship considering that he is one of the lords of hell.

#obey me shall we date #obey me imagines #obey me #obey me x reader #obey me x you #obey me dating sim #dating headcanons #satan x reader #obey me satan #just for fun #match up

[georgieluz]

JULIAN!! I need to know about all your ocs! So I’m probably gonna send a few of these 😂

📚 🎶 💯 🌈 🐶 ❤️ 💔 for all your ocs. I’ll find some more specific ones for each oc too 🩵 thanks

JESS! hello <3 thank you for always being so enthusiastic and excited about them 🥺 ilysm !!

okay, let's get started! gonna put a read more here because this is going to be pretty long since it's for all the ocs!!

📚 BOOKS — what level of education has your oc most recently completed/is currently in (GED, undergraduate, grad school, phd, etc)?

oliver hardwick has an undergraduate degree in classical literature and latin. he was lined up to do graduate level studies, but then the war broke out, so now he's an intelligence officer in easy company instead! he actually didn't want to pursue any more studies after undergraduate anyway, despite his parents pressuring him to do so. not that going to war was preferable though.

tommy monet graduated high school, just about. he has the smarts for more, but always claimed it wasn't for him, or people like him. he would laugh in the face of someone who suggested otherwise. his bad behaviour at school was less of a lack of enthusiasm for learning and more a way that he could easily blend in with the people he grew up with. he secretly would have loved to spend his time reading, expanding his knowledge and writing, but he couldn't stomach the idea of being seen as a "traitor" to his upbringing.

charlie scott also graduated high school, and he also wasn't interested in pursuing any higher education in an academic institution. instead, he basically started learning how to fix vehicles and different engines under the tutorship of a close family friend. so most of his knowledge and skills come from that training.

rhys llewyd was studying medicine before the war broke out and that's how when he joined up he was immediately chosen to be a corpsman. before the war, he was dead-set on becoming a doctor and was sure it was his passion in life. that changes during his time in the pacific and leaves him feeling pretty lost.

max jacobs does not want to be near any educational facility whatsoever lmao, but he did manage to graduate high school. the only form of "school" he enjoyed was the sniper training course he did in the marines. he actually really thrived in that environment, whereas in more traditional learning scenarios, he'd always found himself uninterested, distracted and frankly, just didn't really care. his fellow marines often make jokes about him "finishing top of class" and being the scout sniper "teacher's pet" despite almost being kicked out of every school he'd enrolled in before he joined up.

matty carter, my love, my baby boy, was very much in a similar situation as his best friend, ray person. they were both set to go to university after graduating high school, but then ray decides to fuck it and join the marines instead. naturally, he asks his best friend matty to join them with him too, and well, matty would rather be by ray's side than in a lecture hall, so that's exactly what he does. he joins the damn marines. he's very good at maths and all of the sciences, and was planning to study physics at university. he was a little bit obsessed with space as a kid, but always dismissed his love for it as being "the same as any other kid's".

caleb dawson, oh boy, here we go. pre-zombie outbreak, he's a final year architecture student, but that's not very descriptive of his educational background. his upbringing isn't quite as straight forward as how schooling usually goes, he travelled around a lot and was taken along on jobs with his father after turning ten. this meant he was in and out of schools most of the time and a lot of his education came from the group of criminals his father worked with. one of those taught him how to hack from an early age and he began joining them on jobs after a few years. his love of architecture and building design came from the earlier years when he was left in hotel rooms whilst they went out on robberies. he would sketch buildings from the window of those hotel rooms and eventually began to design his own. obviously to study architecture, you need good, and more importantly steady, grades and a high school diploma, so he always assumed it was out of the question for him. after a series of events that leave his father in prison and caleb having to find his way in life alone, he eventually does the work and gets onto a degree.

🎶  MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

oliver likes anything he can dance to. he's very much a fun of some uptempo jazz and loves nothing more than getting drunk and twirling around the room in a daze! he wants to listen to anything that will make him feel... no matter what emotion, he just wants to feel it all. mostly so he can forget what he actually feels inside!

tommy is very much a "i don't really care about music specifically" kinda guy. he'll appreciate and enjoy a lot of different styles but in a very passive kind of way.

charlie is pretty chill so generally he's into slower tempo more relaxing stuff, but if he can enjoy a bit of everything.

rhys trained in dance growing up so he's versed in a few different genres and styles of music, and even though he enjoys more gentle sounding music to listen to, he's absolutely down for the upbeat fun stuff too! he's pretty shy about his dancing, but if you get him out there then you'll be surprised by how free-spirited he really is!

max is your classic punk/pop-punk listening skater who has never played an instrument before but swears he would kill it in a band. but yeah, he's very into skateboarding culture and his music tastes reflect that pretty predictably. jesus of suburbia wasn't released until a year after the events of gen kill but that's very much the vibe.

matty also primarily listens to that kind of music.. y'know some soft rock, pop-punk, indie kinda stuff. but he probably consumes a bit of everything and is pretty versed in most music genres. he's also ray's best friend so yes, lots of singalongs.

caleb listens to film scores whilst he hacks. he can't bear to listen to anything with lyrics whilst he works but thinks purely classical music is a bit pretentious, so film scores are his go-to!

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

oliver:

he actively tries to bring shame to the family name

he hides his rage behind a carefree attitude very well

he dumbs himself down on purpose

tommy:

he cries reading poetry

he smokes but dislikes the smell of cigarettes

he talks to every cat he meets

charlie:

he's a really fast and strong swimmer

he grew up surrounded by mountain ranges

he hates hot weather

rhys:

he speaks fluent welsh

has a pretty big fear of heights

can play piano

max:

enjoys fighting in quite a masochistic way

ran away from home multiple times as a teen

definitely has an element of naivety when it comes to his own safety and wellbeing. he constantly provokes others and gets himself into fairly dangerous situations.

matty:

is a sweet baby boy who i love.

okay, no, i'll be serious, sorry i just love him so much.

has a smile that could power at least a whole county

is really really really good at playing tekken

he's also a maths whizz but is very lowkey about it

caleb:

constantly leaves cold mugs of coffee about the place, like literally all the time. especially if he's working on a hack

will NOT admit he's into speirs, despite the entire world, including every damn zombie out there, knowing about them

is secretly jealous of gwen's open and trusting nature, despite him constantly calling her out about being too naive

🌈 RAINBOW — what is your oc’s sexual orientation/gender identity? what pronouns do they use?

so all of these ocs use he/him and are queer, but i also have female ocs and nonbinary ocs that are a part of my hbo war f1 au! as well as my oc jess who uses she/her and is straight.

tommy is probably the character where sexuality is most relevant to his arc and inner conflicts. him being gay is quite a big factor in his family relations and past, so it does have a big impact on the way he carries himself and his sense of self.

oliver's sexuality is something he both clings to and tries to weaponise against his parents. he uses the disgust and prejudice of the era as a shield and there's a disconnect there between his sexual identity and who he really is. he would likely identify as gay but he's also slept with women if there's something to gain from the situation. he often jokes that he could never settle down with a woman though, as it would please his parents too much.

the other's queer identities are less clearly defined and the labels aren't really a big part of who they see themselves as. max is bi but tends to have a preference for men. matty isn't fully sure if he's bi or gay or not and he's kinda stuck in a situation where his romantic attentions are pulled toward one specific person, who happens to be a man, so he's very much still figuring things out. rhys and charlie are also in a similar place of figuring things out and likely won't find too many answers about that during the war either. rhys is closer to knowing what he wants in this regard though.

caleb is openly gay but he's out here fighting for his life against zombies so the topic of his sexuality isn't a massive part of his storyline other than y'know, speirs turning up and pinning him against a wall with his mouth just to shut him up. but yeah, he identifies as gay and doesn't really hide it from anyone either.

🐶 DOG FACE — does your oc have any pets?

tommy has a cat named badger and is basically a cat magnet wherever he goes!!

matty has an australian shepherd named polo who follows him around like a shadow. it's very cute.

oliver's parents never allowed him to have a pet growing up, it was one of their rules when they got married.

❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc’s positive traits?

oliver:

he's very open about his flaws and never tries to hide them or pretend that he's a better person than his actions prove him to be

he's actually a very smart and competent person when it comes to planning schemes or missions, and carrying them out, but he's often reluctant to show this as he despises being praised for his achievements due to the way his parents brought him up

whilst his charismatic nature is somewhat of a defence mechanism for him, he genuinely cares about his friends once they're in his life and will go to really far lengths to protect them

tommy:

he's genuinely caring and protective of his family and friends, even if he's not necessarily on amazing terms with all of them

he's very very observant of other people and can read them pretty well. this usually means others feel very seen by him and often appreciate the way he remembers and notices aspects of their personalities and lives. he struggles when he meets anyone similar to him though, as he's very in denial about himself

he's not afraid to stand up to people who deem themselves above him or others, even if he knows it will get him in trouble

charlie:

he's very patient with other people and is pretty calm when faced with criticism or other people's anger

has a pretty healthy way of expressing his emotions through his writing, especially his journals

he's very attentive to details, both with other people and in regard to their equipment and machinery

rhys:

he has a very soothing and gentle presence, even in the chaos of war, and marines often say they feel safer just having him around

knows exactly how to distract the guys and cheer them up, using small jokes and telling stories about his hometown. he also teaches the men welsh, even though they're all terrible at it, because he thinks it keeps their minds off the heavier stuff for a little while

would absolutely sacrifice himself for any of the k-company boys, but also knows his skills are needed to save them

max:

isn't afraid of bullies or bigots. will happily get his fists or face bloody just to stand up to them

in some ways he's very carefree and manages to truly live in the moment, even if it's mostly a response to "suburban fuckery" as he likes to call it. it's a bit of a challenge when he joins the marines and loses some of the anti-establishment non-conformity that he always claimed to live by, but he also gains a taste of camaraderie there that he starts to think is worth the trade off.

genuinely believes that failure is just a trial run and that he can accomplish anything that he wants if he tries hard enough (i'm putting this in positive traits, but it does have some mixed results and negative consequences as well, but it does get him through a lot of scrapes due to his sheer audacity to try)

matty:

have i mentioned he has a smile that can light up the whole world yet??? because yes... yes he does!!

is very graceful in defeat and enjoys watching his friends succeed and do well, he has so little jealously in that regard

he's pretty self-less honestly and can put aside something he wants if it goes against the majority's needs

he lives for making other people laugh or smile and other people's happiness genuinely brings him a lot of joy.

i'd also say he sees and appreciates the little things in life and usually knows what's important in a situation

caleb:

he very much subscribes to the "never leave a man behind" motto and will put himself in danger to make sure his friends are ok

would much rather get hurt than let the people he cares about suffer. this often leaves him in vulnerable situations where he leaves himself open to people who want him to suffer

despite all his trust issues and inability to let his guard down, he cares. he cares so damn much. and he's gentle really, he tries to hide it but it's there, pouring out from him as much as his rage

💔 BROKEN HEART — what are three of your oc’s negative traits?

oliver:

he's a hot mess, and before the war, he has little care for the consequences of his actions and how they affect the people around him, as long as he can say a fuck you to his parents

he's the textbook definition of self-destructive. he will intentionally fuck himself over, which inevitably fucks others over in the process

he knows exactly how to twist the knife with his words. he can and will snap at the people close to him if they try to look out for him or call him out on his self-destructive behaviour

tommy:

tries really really desperately to be someone he's not, and this constantly prevents him from reaching his full potential

can't decide if he hates himself or his father more, and in that confusion, decides that maybe it's just the world in general

does not know how to process emotions, whatsoever, and pushes away anyone who dares perceive him

charlie:

sometimes his calm nature can be mistaken or seen as a lack of care or concern for his relationships. this isn't necessarily negative by itself, but he does play into this and uses it to create a sense of detachment from having to show any vulnerability

tends to read people well enough to know a lot about their motivations but also closes them all off to his own. this tends to make people feel a bit locked out of his thoughts or emotions and he often needs to remind himself that he has to be vocal about how he feels in a lot of situations

whilst he writes a lot about his experiences and emotions, he doesn't always know how to actually share them with other people, especially when it comes to big important things

rhys:

he tends to hide behind his role of looking after the men instead of facing up to how the war is affecting him. this is pretty standard but he does heavily rely on this as a way of avoiding thinking about his own emotions. he feels like he's in a position where he's not allowed to feel any pain because the men rely on him to be the one who is there for them when they need it most. eddie's presence and their relationship is vital in this, due to eddie's position as an officer, and rhys viewing him in a different light to the others

actively tries to hide and diminish his light

uses his shyness as an excuse not to put himself out there

max:

gets into so many unnecessary situations because he can't accept that sometimes the fight isn't worth it. he truly doesn't know when to just shut up and keep his head down and it does often result in others having to take the hits alongside him

tends to avoid thinking too deeply about his own emotions and his method of always running and creating havoc to distract himself from the nothingness that surrounds his life is mentally exhausting in the longterm, not just for himself, but everyone else

really struggles when the higher ups fuck up during his time in the marines and gets real close to suffering the consequences of speaking up a number of times. this isn't a negative trait necessarily, but again, his mouth gets others in the shit with him and he actively needs to be held back and told to stand down, so it's pretty tiring for other people to deal with

matty:

his selflessness can make him too passive sometimes, he doesn't always stand up for himself when he should

he tends to settle for what he's given in life, with little fight when he has to sacrifice or give something he's worked for up

he's also very flippant about his life and future too. for instance, when ray asks him to join the marines with him, he doesn't need much convincing to change his plans of going to university to study physics, which realistically, could have offered him a path to a well paid career. instead, his best friend wants him to join the military and stay by his side, and regardless of whether this decision is right in the long run, he doesn't think very hard or long in the moment about how it will effect his life and future

caleb:

this boy is STUBBORN. like, really really really stubborn. he won't give up when he's arguing a point and it's extremely hard to get him to admit that he's wrong about something (when i say extremely hard i mean pretty much impossible)

he can also be kind of hypocritical too. he constantly calls gwen out on being too trusting and naive, but when someone who he feels he has loyalties to walks into their lives and is acting noticeably sketchy, he buries those suspicions deep, and chooses to put that loyalty first instead. despite this fucking everyone over, he doesn't tend to see it as naivety because he's too pre-occupied with the glaring trust issues and suspicions he has toward everyone else around him. he seems to think that protects him from displaying any qualities of naivety anywhere else

he's argumentative af and tends to bicker with people and fight about petty things to hide his anxiety and panic. he can't bear the idea of people seeing that side of him, even those closest to him

omg jess i think that's the longest response i've ever written to any ask lmaoooo but it was also so much fun to answer so thank you for asking them and if you (or anyone else) has read this far then well, damn, well done, you deserve quite literally the stars in the sky!

#julian's inbox #julian's ask games #my wips #julian's ocs #trying to remember all my tags for this #julian writes #oc: oliver hardwick #oc: tommy monet #oc: charlie scott #oc: rhys llewyd #oc: max jacobs #oc: matty carter #oc: caleb dawson #let's gooooooo

[giggles-and-freckles]

oh, hey there! i love so many of your clone wars fics and i’ve followed you for a while. but - and bear with me, i might sound weird - i didn’t know you were a teacher? secondary school, is… i’m not american but it’s between junior and high school, i think?

as a sixteen year old who is thinking of doing a history degree, then that one one year course thing that equips you to teach, and then hoping to become a high school history/english teacher - do you have any advice, things you wish you’d known before going into teaching, or anything like that?

i think i’d love teaching - the only thing keeping me up at night is that i won’t be able to find a job because there are many teachers, that i won’t have any free time because i know the hours are long, and that i won’t be able to support myself financially/put any potential kids through schooling/save up enough money for basic expenses, due to stuff like the inflation rate and teachers being infamously not paid well— do you have any experience or advice regarding any or all of those things, if it wouldn’t be any trouble to share?

please feel free to ignore this - i know that adults are busy in general, but also, congrats on adopting your kid, i hope that y’all are doing great! - i just wanted to ask because i honestly don’t know any of my teachers well enough to ask them any of this, and my family isn’t exactly supportive of me wanting me to be a teacher (they…. don’t think i’ll be paid anything, but i don’t think that’s completely true!), so i just thought i’d ask. again though, no worries abt answering<3

okay whoa! just found this, but i'm going to attempt to answer now! truly don't know how i missed it. this may get a bit lengthy, so i'll put a cut.

first, thank you for your kind words! our bonus daughter is doing great. life looks drastically different now than it did a few months ago, but i can't imagine it any other way. <3

okay so -- yes! secondary school in america is generally 7-12th grade. i'm certified for all of those levels, but presently teach grade 8. which depending where you are living could be different for you. here, it's 13/14-year-olds.

i did things a bit unconventionally, but i honestly recommend it, now having the perspective of peers who did it 'the right way.' i studied something unrelated to education for my undergraduate (4-year degree). then, i did an alternative certificate program to get my certification. this means i graduated university in may 2020 and had my first classroom in august 2020. it was a bit much at once, but it worked well for my personality, because i'm a sink or swim person.

most of my co-workers studied education in undergrad, meaning they completed rotations of student teaching and spent four full years learning all of the things to know about teaching. which is a viable route!!! in my opinion, though, much of what is taught is not super applicable in a real life 2023 classroom so i'd just as well have all of that mandatory" material condensed into a one year online program i can zoom through while getting real experience. the big things to know about teaching is that you'll never know it all. in my opinion, there is no amount of training that will adequately prepare you because every child is different and every teacher is different. the only was to find your stride is to do it. you'll fail a little, for sure! but what better lesson to teach your students?

to address finding a job: i'm not sure where you're located and if this affects anything, but here in america i can tell you it is verrrry easy to find teaching jobs. there is such a shortage in education because so many veteran teachers who have been sticking it out for years have finally had enough and left the profession. i work at an incredible school with a ton of support, but we had three teachers leave us this year specifically to go into data analytics because they can work from home and have a more flexible schedule. of course, getting experience with children is valuable for your resume! but at least in the united states right now, the standard is sort of 'hey if you're certified and don't have a criminal record, we'll hire you!" which is...not great for education as a whole. but great for prospective teachers...i guess?

now for the money: hmm. so first off, let me say that teachers deserve to be paid more, without a shadow of a doubt. i think we all know this so i'll save the soapbox. but THAT BEING SAID. at least in my region, i make a livable wage. do i deserve more for the amount of work i am actually doing? yes! am i struggling financially? no. of course, there are other things to take into consideration such as the cost of living in your area. but to encourage you (and your parents possibly?): i am fully supporting my family right now on a salary. my husband just graduated from law school, so as soon as he passes his bar and gets a job (fingers crossed), things will change a little. but as of now, i am able to comfortably support myself, him, a toddler, and a teenager. i am a saver and don't waste money! but i have also not gotten to a point of misery or anywhere close.

however, it needs to be said, only you know your propensity for saving vs. spending. i have many friends who DO financially struggle because they live a different lifestyle than me. and that's okay! but it's a give and take. you have to decide what is the most important to YOU and go from there. for me, it's supporting my family and prioritising family experiences over things. for many, it's a nicer house or food or entertainment or whatever. and none of those things are bad!

in conclusion: teachers (at least in my area) are paid a livable amount. but it is absolutely not the amount they should be living on, in proportion to the work they do. remember: we are not paid for summer. many districts will spreadout paychecks to include the summer...but that's the money from the school year. NOT more money. i have mandatory trainings and symposiums i have to attend this summer and i'm not being paid for them. i spend hundreds of dollars on supplies/decorations/snack for students and i'm not being paid for them. i stay at the school until almost 7pm every night to watch my students' games and concerts and i'm not being paid for them. i could say no to many of these things! but i won't because i'm a good teacher who knows these things are *necessary.* it's a hard reality, though.

#abi answers #teaching rant #abi teaches #anon

[ciaossu-imagines]

hello!! I want to join your mini-event! Can you do prompt 3 for Edgar from IkeRev? thank you very much

Of course, anon dear! Thank you for the request and I hope you'll enjoy the headcanons!

💭 — what is your oc’s mbti, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)?

Now, I don't do these kinds of tests, know nothing really about the different types and really don't have an interest in going and wasting potentially hours on doing them for fictional characters, but I will say, without a doubt in my mind that, if these were available in Cradle, these kind of personality tests would definitely be something that would hold Edgar's attention. He would find them interesting and amusing and would definitely take them, possibly even taking them for his friends or the people he knows, just to see what their results would be as well.

🚗  — does your oc have a driver’s license? can they drive/operate any automobiles/machinery besides cars?

Now, Cradle doesn't really have cars and such, but assuming they did, I could see Edgar having his license and I do think he's a fairly decent driver, though he has a tendency to have a bit of a lead foot and does enjoy speeding, when he knows he wouldn't be caught.

✈️  — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person?

Edgar would enjoy travelling with the right people. By himself, he doesn't really see much enjoyment in it and he's not a solo vacationer. He really only sees the adventure and interest in a trip if he can share the experiences with someone else.

🎮  — what are three of your oc’s favorite hobbies?

Teasing people - Edgar really does enjoy it, even when he pretends he doesn't. He also really does like playing with animals and spending time with his own family of ducks or even just feeding the regular birds that come and gather around the Red Army headquarters. He also really does like training and sparring, which would probably be the only thing he genuinely considers a hobby of his.

💍  — does your oc have any piercings? do they want any (more) piercings? does your oc have any tattoos? do they want any (more) tattoos?

Edgar doesn't have any piercings and I don't think he has any interest in getting any himself. He can admire them on other people, but they're just not for him. The same goes with tattoos - he loves them on others, but it's just not something he really wants on his own body.

📚 — what level of education has your oc most recently completed/is currently in (ged, undergraduate, grad school, phd, etc)?

Now, it's never really shown that Cradle has any universities or such, so I do think that Edgar has completed the amount of schooling available to him in Cradle. I do see him as someone who did enjoy the student life and he definitely would have pursued higher learning if it was available to him.

🎻  — does your oc play any instruments? what is their skill level (beginner/intermediate/advanced/virtuoso/etc)

I do think, because of his family's strict upbringing, that Edgar was required to learn at least one instrument. I can see him being a skilled piano player, though not quite at the virtuoso level, though he really doesn't find much enjoyment in actually playing.

🩸  — what is your oc’s blood type?

I personally see Edgar as blood type AB negative, especially if we're going by blood type personality theory.

🎶 — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

Now, again, because Cradle is the place it is, there's not a hugely wide variety of music, so assuming that modern music was around in Cradle, I see Edgar being very much a fan of bubblegum pop, just light and happy and upbeat music that sticks in your mind, or a fan of really catchy theme songs from popular shows, which he hums or sings a few lines of when he's feeling in the mood to be particularly annoying, just to make sure they get stuck in people's heads.

💯  — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know.

Edgar is double jointed and can bend his fingers back until they touch the back of his hand. Edgar can dislocate his shoulders at will. Edgar has a really great memory, especially when it comes to people's words.

💤  — is your oc a light sleeper or a heavy sleeper? how are their sleeping habits?

Edgar is a pretty solid sleeper, once he falls asleep. He's still easy enough to wake up to certain triggers, such as someone entering his bedroom or saying his name, but he sleeps soundly once asleep. However, he does sometimes really struggle to fall asleep.

🔱  — can your oc swim? do they enjoy swimming?

Edgar can swim but he's not really been swimming for enjoyment too often - it only happened during his school days and he really did enjoy it. They're part of his happiest memories.

🔺 — does your oc know how to use any weapons?

Yes. Even canonically, it's shown that Edgar is one of the most experienced and skilled swordsmen.

🔶 — does your oc know cpr? do they have any other medical expertise?

I do think, just because of the training he acquired from his family, that Edgar knows the basics of the human body and how to hurt or heal it. However, he's definitely not a doctor and he prefers to leave any major injuries to the actual professionals, like Kyle.

🚫 — does your oc drink/smoke? do they do it regularly, or is it more on occasion or for special events?

No on both counts. I've mentioned it in previous headcanons, but Edgar really hates the smell of smoke because it does heavily remind him of his uncle, who I do headcanon as a smoker, and alcohol will be expounded upon further down.

🎄 — what is your oc’s favorite holiday?

I honestly don't think that Edgar had the opportunity, given his upbringing, to really celebrate many of the holidays with any particular enjoyment and festivities. His favourite holiday only came into play once his school years started and then it became his birthday, when his few friends would get him gifts or spend extra time with him.

🐶 — does your oc have any pets?

Yes, as shown canonically, Edgar has a family of ducks, the Creeks. He'd love to have more, but he'd hate to make them jealous or sad.

🐈 — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

As mentioned in other parts of this post, Edgar would enjoy having more friends. However, he wants true friends and he's okay with having less than he'd like of those, as long as those true friends are with him.

🐷 — what is your oc’s favorite animal?

Edgar really does have a fondness for any type of bird, something that started when he was really little and would sit at the window and watch the birds in the morning.

🐉  — what is your oc’s favorite mythical creature?

I think the sphinx would interest and amuse Edgar. He likes the riddles they give, since he's someone who finds enjoyment in trying to figure them out, and the stories of the punishments that awaited those who could not answer were interesting as well.

🍃— what is/was your oc’s favorite subject in school?

I think Edgar would really enjoy math and sciences most, just because they were areas that he excelled at, so the classes really took little effort on his part.

🌴 — does your oc have a green thumb? do they enjoy gardening?

See, it's kind of sad because Edgar would honestly love to garden...except that he's a terrible, terrible gardener, who can't tell the difference between a weed and a plant. As long as it grows, isn't he doing it right, is his general opinion on the matter.

❤️ — what are three of your oc’s positive traits?

Edgar is intelligent, he does have a genuine interest in others, and he can be incredibly brave.

🤍 — what are three of your oc’s neutral/questionable traits?

Edgar really does enjoy teasing people, he can be a little lazy when it comes to things that he doesn't really have an interest or a need to do, and he has horrible eating habits.

💔 — what are three of your oc’s negative traits?

Edgar can have difficulties understanding emotions, both his own and other people's. He can be cunning and ruthless when he needs or wants to be and he's not afraid to pull an underhanded trick to get his own way, though he is trying to be better with that.

💘  — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

Edgar considers freedom, both his own and that of others, to be the most important thing to him, other than the happiness and health of those few important people to him, especially after everything he's been through.

🧡 — does your oc tend to prioritize family or friends?

For most of his life, Edgar did prioritize Claudius and his family's teachings. However, as he aged and as he got closer to other people, he began to prioritize his friends and his found family more.

💛 — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

While Cradle is mostly shown to be a single-language population, I do feel that Edgar, if there were other languages spoken, would be a polyglot, who picks up languages rather quickly.

💚  — does your oc prefer being inside or outside?

Edgar really enjoys being outside, even if he's simply lazing around under a tree and watching the Creeks. However, if the weather isn't cooperating, as long as he has something to do or something to amuse him indoors, he can be content there as well.

🖤  — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone’s heart and/or broken someone’s trust?

Yes to both. Again, Edgar's upbringing, and the things he was forced to do, were brutal by most people's standards, to the point where he'll never actually tell anybody everything that Claudius had him do or that he did under orders.

🎂  — when is your oc’s birthday? how old are they? what are their sun, moon, & rising signs (if known)? what about their tarot card, ruling planet, & ruling number (if known)? do they fit the typical traits of these sun, moon, & rising signs?

Edgar was born August 23 and he's 25. That makes him a Virgo, with the moon in Cancer, though he doesn't know his rising signs, though he'd love to find someone to do a whole birth chart for him. He honestly does find things like that enjoyable to learn and read about and he enjoys seeing what fits him and what doesn't.

🍝  — what is/are your oc’s favorite food(s)?

Edgar really does have a real sweet tooth and he loves junk food, especially jelly beans and gummy worms or bears. With the bears, he always eats the heads first - so they don't suffer, of course.

🍦 — what is/are your oc’s favorite ice cream flavor(s)?

I feel like Edgar would really gravitate towards the insanely bright and fun coloured ice cream flavours, like Moon Mist, Cotton Candy, or Bubble Gum, especially since it would slightly gross Jonah out and he does find that amusing.

🍔— is your oc good at cooking? are they good at baking? which one do they prefer?

Edgar isn't quite a lethal chef. I feel he could fend for himself, if it was left to him to make his own meals, but I don't think he's a great cook. He tends to either make things very bland or over-season them when cooking and he tends to burn everything he attempts to bake, to the point where Luka doesn't let Edgar around when he's baking.

🍸 — what is your oc’s favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink?

I honestly don't see Edgar as much of a drinker. He's learned to tolerate it, if the situation demanded it, but he dislikes the taste and the very act of getting drunk.

☕️ — does your oc prefer coffee, tea, hot chocolate, milk, water, or some other drink? how do they like to take this drink (ex. coffee with milk, hot chocolate with whipped cream, a specific kind of tea, etc)?

Edgar drinks a lot of water. It's most of what he drinks, though he really likes hot chocolate, especially if Luka is the one making it for him because Luka, in his opinion, makes the best hot chocolate and it used to be Edgar's study treat during their school days.

😊 — what are your oc’s career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life?

Honestly, Edgar doesn't know! He knows what he used to think it was, but he's not sure what he wants or even fully who he is as he ages...honestly, I think he mostly just wants to figure out who he is, what makes him happy, and to live a life that makes him happy and helps the people around him. He wants to really make things right for himself and everyone around him, and to leave their lives just a little bit better for them letting him be in them.

😖  — is your oc an introvert, an extrovert, or an ambivert? do they let people in easily, or are they more reserved?

I would personally classify Edgar as an extrovert, because he really does love being around people and he is energized by spending time with them. However, he's a very reserved extrovert in that he doesn't really trust people easily and he doesn't know how to let people in all that well.

🤔  — what are some of your oc’s quirks/mannerisms?

Edgar has a habit of snapping his fingers whenever he says 'like that'. He can roll a coin perfectly between his fingers and he has a habit of sucking his teeth when he's really annoyed.

🧐 — is your oc more logical or emotional?

Edgar really was raised to be very logical. He was raised to suppress or push aside his own emotions and convictions and always take the logical route. While he's trying to do better at identifying his own emotions and giving them more weight, he can still tend to be a little too logically minded at times.

🤓 — is your oc chatty or quiet? are they at ease in social situations, or are they more shy?

Edgar's not shy by any means. He doesn't fear talking to people, but he's also not a chatterbox. He's good at small conversations, but isn't a naturally verbose person, and he does enjoy more listening to other people. However, the closer he gets to someone and the more trust he feels towards them, the more likely it is that he will open up and talk more.

🤩 — is your oc a planner, or are they more spontaneous in their actions?

While most some of Edgar's actions seem to come out of left field to those around him, and most consider him as someone full of surprises, make no mistakes - Edgar carefully plans and plots and usually knows what he's going to do, though he can certainly improvise on the fly.

😥 — is your oc prone to getting stressed out, or is it easy for them to keep their cool?

Edgar suppresses a lot of his stress. He wasn't really ever allowed to show it; he learned to keep a calm, implacable façade at an early age and it's something he now does subconsciously. For the most part, because of that, he's really good at working and living under high amounts of stress, because he certainly does get stressed.

😓 — is your oc open-minded or stubborn? are they inquisitive or do they prefer to keep to their bubble of knowledge?

It really does depend on the subject. Edgar can be really pig-headed when it comes to certain things, both large and important topics and little bitty petty things, like how a towel should be folded. For most things though, he does try to keep an open mind and he's someone who wants to be constantly learning.

😞 — does your oc attract others, or do they tend to be left alone?

Edgar would really love to attract others. I really do think he feels incredibly lonely at times, but the fact is that he really does tend to put people off. People tend to honestly be a little creeped out by him, but Edgar isn't dumb and he does realize that some of his mannerisms are off-putting and if he just changed them, people might find him more approachable. However, he doesn't want to have to change himself...truth be told, there's very few parts of himself that he's sure are himself and aren't just his uncle's influence, so he doesn't want to change those things. He wants people to like him for as much of who he is that he knows.

🤒 — does your oc get sick easily?

Edgar doesn't get sick often, but when he does, it tends to be more issues with his muscles and joints, especially in his legs and feet.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 — how many people are in your oc’s immediate family? how many people are in your oc’s extended family? do they have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc? who in their family are they closest with? are they close with their birth family, or do they have a found family?

Claudius is the only surviving member of Edgar's family, and he's largely the person who raised Edgar. As a confirmed bachelor, Claudius had no spouse or children, so it was mostly Edgar and his uncle during his entire life. However, while family used to mean a lot to Edgar, as he aged and was exposed to more and more people, he found that he counted those around him, like Zero or Luka, as more family than Claudius and he really is the type to put a lot of stock in the idea of a found family.

#mini event asks #ikemen revolution #ikerev #edgar bright #headcanons

[sparkofthetelling]

Can someone check me on if my stance related to a professor at my university (at the bottom, I'm trying to make this as neutral as I can) is reasonable? I need as removed and neutral a stance as I can manage, because it feels like the only people who have enough context are already too polarized. Also this isn't about the employability or reasonability of if this person should lose their job, they have tenure anyways, but this isn't about that. The reasons listed below the cut go towards my final stance.

There's a professor at my university who spent five hours last semester explaining choices they made that are rather substantially different from the choices made in similar veins in other classes, as it comes to exam administration, homework assignment layout and submission, to two students who took the class last spring semester. (This class is offered once a year and is required. I am not in it, but I know 7 students who are taking it this semester.) Also, the class is an undergraduate Modern Physics course (it matters a bit for one or two of the points). We only have one, if you have two I think it's approximately equivalent to the first one.

I understand this professor has put a lot of effort in and does think about what they're doing.

That being said, the following is a list of known issues related to what feels like the most basic expectations of that students have had with this professor in just the time I have been at my undergraduate institution:

It being such a known issue getting an e-mail response in a reasonable manner from this professor as a student in one of their classes that there is a meme among students in the department to start the subject line of any email sent to this professor with the word "research", regardless of topic, to get them to respond.

In three OTHER classes than the class that is currently the issue, this professor has the known issue of not giving homework or grades back. In all cases, the grades were separated out and listed on the online web service (Canvas, Blackboard type deal), but never filled in prior to the end of the semester, with the grade only truly being known after transcripts were formalized.

The last time the class currently the issue was offered, the students had to practically beg the professor to give them back graded homework assignments before each exam. The professor had an overall return rate before each exam of approximately 50%, whereas for most of the other major classes in the department, the return rate for each exam is 90-100%. Our department is not large. The seven people I know in the class ARE the entirety of the class.

This time around, the professor has decided to administer the course content separated between exams and homeworks. The homeworks do not build up content and conceptual knowledge for the exams, as they are on other material. I believe this change is new this semester, so there IS a chance that it turns out that the homeworks end up being a lot shorter, BUT:

The professor is trying to fit too much content into one class. I say this understanding that the motivation is "trying to get people to see fields of physics they probably wouldn't see otherwise in the student's tenure at the university." My problem with this is that this professor teaches the survey/research interest course offered to freshmen the first semester. Some people drop the major quickly because they grasp that it's not right for them, which is fine. But some people, who are interested in physics, drop the major sheerly because of the lack of structure and inability to follow what was happening in that class. Given that this professor requested specifically to teach that class, I do not understand why they do not include more structure in that initial class (and they again, MAY HAVE REASONS for why the class is as freeform as it is now, but it clearly IS NOT WORKING). Professors I have talked to at both my university and numerous other universities, including the one who taught me the class at this university (who is not this professor), have said that Modern Physics usually has a few specific topics covered, with high consistency, and this professor is covering easily twice that.

The professor told one of their research advisees to not put anything on their research poster they would be presenting that they did not understand. This is sensible advice! I agree! After that student finished their poster and submitted it for revision, the professor revised it, adding a bunch of stuff that the student did not understand, and changing "approximately 75% of the language because it didn't sound physicsy enough", and sent it back for review. The student didn't respond for a few hours, because they were busy (something this professor has a hard time acknowledging with respect to students, going so far as to tell a student who did not have time to spend 10 hours a week on homework assignments that he was not busy because the professor was busy). With the conference coming up soon, and the posters having to be printed, the professor sent the poster off for printing, and also added an ugly gradient to the background of the poster. This legitimately gave that student a panic attack, and as far as I know, the professor never really said anything about what they had done or acknowledged it (and I'm not even sure if they EVER found out). Compared to this professor, the students being advised by other professors had their posters double checked and drafted multiple times before being sent off for printing. This professor ALSO only acknowledged the quality of their report presentations for the work they did over the summer for the grant funding them the day before the presentations. Those presentation slides were due to the organizer 8 days before the professor made that comment. The professor pretty much only called them terrible.

I have been told by at least one other professor who has worked with this professor for ten years at this university, if not more (I don't remember exactly), that they are not sure if this professor realizes that the department they are in is an undergraduate-only department, and feel that the massive difference in demeanor between them and others in the department is probably, in part, a result of that.

I really want to say something positive to juxtapose the massive amount of commentary above in the professor's favor, but beyond "This professor clearly does care about trying to improve the quality of education," there just isn't really anything that can actually be truly said. I know at least 10 students who have EXPLICITLY told me they have quit our university's physics department because of this professor specifically. I don't think this professor knows this, but I also happen to know that they have some shockingly weirdly ableist opinions, like "if I (someone in reasonably good physical health) can make it across campus in 10 minutes, so can you." said to a student who did not have outright disability accommodations but could not reasonably make it across campus in time. (This feels like "scientific management" in the Industrial Revolution to me)

So like... is it reasonable for me to have a distrust/find these good intents disingenuous, at least in some capacity? To me, there feels like a clear gap present, but because of just... certain inexplicable things, I feel the need to ask.

#physics #professor issues #would really appreciate any responses #even if they're simple

[artigas]

i am sorry to always talk about my job, but I keep returning to this thought and I have to put it down somewhere. I’m in my PhD program and this semester has been difficult in many reasons, but one of the most glaring problems has been one of my professors, who has been toxic (if not outright abusive) the entire semester. he’s yelled at us, cursed at us, told us that he doesn’t believe he has to respect any of us if we’re “wrong” in our literary interpretations, and so on. he’s been a real piece of shit. 

and i can’t stop thinking about the fact that he’s doing that to a classroom full of graduate students. i can’t stop thinking about how he’s surely much more awful to his undergraduates, who are less likely to speak out, more easily intimidated, more often paralyzed by feelings of unworthiness and imposter syndrome and the timidity of having only recently left high school.

the thing is . . . I’m a teacher, too. I emailed my students 30 minutes ago that I have to cancel class tomorrow because of some personal health issues related to my chronic pain and I’ve gotten six e-mails already from my students. I got e-mails that wished me well, ones that said they were sorry I was in pain, I got an email from an extremely shy student who wrote “This is my favorite class, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well but I’m keeping you in my thoughts. See you later this week!”. The e-mail has a frowning emoji lol Another student wrote: “ I hope everything turns out okay and I will keep you in my thoughts <3″ 

she sent me a goddamn heart lmao which is ... lmao I’ll remind my students about the importance of professionalism in their emails again when I see them on Thursday but my god. my god. what loving, beautiful kids and to think that some professors would see undergraduate students and choose to harm or bully or terrify them when it’s so easy to treat them with kindness, to try to nurture them, to try to guide them with some measure of love and be of service for as long as you have them. my goodness. to be given the privilege of students being vulnerable to you as their instructor, of them trusting you with their education and their time, and to choose anything but honoring that to your fullest -- i can’t even imagine it. 

#PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG #personal #will delete later if need be!!

[nefelegies]

sry if you’ve answered this question before but will you ever continue your neocities comic ? :3 I whole heartedly love it ever since I discovered it a year or two ago

no don't worry i haven't! putting a cut because this is an extremely long and non simple answer read at your own peril

the reason the comic went on hiatus to begin with is actually that i was starting to feel really weird about the high school setting??? this may sound stupid but shinji was a character i first created when i was 16 and given that i'm now 21 it was just no longer a type of story i related to much or felt compelled to tell. especially now, almost 2 years into the hiatus, i am almost done with my undergraduate education as well, so it becomes harder and harder for me to bridge the gap in my writing. i also feel like the maturity of certain themes i wanted to write about are ill suited to the setting.

additionally, after taking a few months break from writing during a period of time when i was very very unhappy with all my work, i kind of exploded shinji as a character and changed a fair amount of his personality & character motivations. i felt like the way i used to conceptualize him was kind of juvenile compared to how i wanted him to come off, and i felt like i was not setting myself up to do a good job with his personality. if i was to pick the comic back up as it currently stands, not only would i have to contrive in a time skip to get to where i want (that being the characters in college) which would really mess with my previously established pacing and how the events are meant to build (because if the action is supposed to escalate over a few months, why even include all the buildup from 3 years before? just feels like a false start), but i would also have to mess with the tone and stylization of dialogue and how shinji is portrayed in a way that would, again, make the beginning of the comic pointless (imo) because it wouldn't contribute or relate at all to the meat of the story.

another sticking point i have had in restarting has been a kind of silly one-- i have not lived for any significant period of time in japan, despite visiting the university in sapporo, so i feel like i know woefully little about the life of a university student in japan and what that looks like day to day, which would seriously get in the way of a simply aged-up reboot. to the extent that i wasn't sure what the point of keeping it set in japan would even be. like what am i making a commentary on if i'm writing about a college culture i know nothing about? i feel like i would much rather satirize or criticize the college culture in the united states, since that's where i'm studying. also:: the highschool setting was originally meant as a satire on wish fulfillment slice of life manga (including american wannabe webtoons) that is needlessly set in highschool, but in one of those "satire requires clarity of purpose" type crises, i think i felt like i was moreso parroting tropes than saying anything meaningful about them, and the character of shinji was undeniably created out of 16 year old weebery and the fact that i was studying japanese in school and wanted to practice my kanji on people's names 😭.... so i guess to sum THIS point up, the idea of a continuation or reboot puts me in a weird place with regards to setting, as i don't see the value of me writing about a university experience im not familiar with and don't have much way of ever knowing intimately. even though i could definitely still use the lens of general anime escapism and wish fulfillment when writing about a college student, i just don't really know if it's my place at all to be criticizing this phenomenon as someone who doesn't live in japan if that makes sense. like at that point why am i not just writing about american twitter users with hentai addictions who i have much more close and personal interactions with

finally, and this is not so much a major factor in my thoughts here (somehow) but is worth mentioning: the comic was primarily written during some extremely stressful months-years of my life, and i honestly struggle to get in whatever the hell headspace i was in when i was writing it. like what was going on in my brain. a lot for sure

that being said, i really miss writing osk. having a project like that to work on was really nice! i miss the characters (especially the revamped older versions that no one has actually gotten to experience :( ) and i miss how much it forced me to create. i have not stopped thinking about it at any point since i went on hiatus to be honest and i'm just really stuck on where to go. i cant continue it in its current form (i would be unhappy with it) but i can't think of a good way forward either, and even if i restart it completely (which is POSSIBLE and maybe even the most likely option) i really can't figure out how to tackle the setting.

this is probably not the answer you were expecting i am very sorry it is so long. i just have been stewing on it for a while and really wanted to get it all down in one place

#ask #not art

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello there! I hope all is well with you~ I was wondering if I could request and have a romantic match-up with a Mystic Messenger, excluding Yoosung and Vanderwood because I do not see them in a romantic way, and Obey Me character, preferably only with any of the seven brothers since I also only see the rest as my friends. I might tell too much about myself, so I apologize if you find it lengthy to read. Please take your time doing mine if you have got a lot on your plate~ >//<

I will begin with the basics. My name is Luna, and I am a heterosexual referred to by 'she/her' pronouns. My zodiac sign is Libra, and until now, I have remained skeptical about my MBTI and enneagram results, so I will not disclose it. As for my outward appearance, I am average-looking with a soft and gentle aura, short height, and poor eyesight (so I am wearing rose-gold eyeglasses).

Proceeding with my personality, I am a routine-oriented homebody who enjoys being around familiar people and places and staying in my cozy private space to do my own thing. When it comes to the group setting, I usually take leadership or any important role because I like being included and involved in central planning, inasmuch as I prefer being one of the planners rather than a follower or solely the recipient of that plan. I am conscientious about my goals and responsibilities and have perfectionist tendencies, which resulted in me becoming a consistent principal's honor roll undergraduate student in one of the top universities in my homeland. Because of that, I may appear to be a highly career-oriented individual who does not know how to have fun, but trust me, I am also an idler and procrastinator who prefers to chill, daydream, and waste my time using social media platforms, playing otome, MOBA, and simulation games, listening to music, or reading fictional romance stories, including girls' love and boys' love or danmei novels.

In addition, I am withdrawn and reserved with individuals I do not know too well or vibe with but very understanding, easy-going, bubbly, expressive, affectionate, and humorous with my friends and other people I like. I am a go-with-the-flow person, never a risk-taker, and tend to conform to the rules because I dislike getting in trouble. I do not like being left behind and putting a burden on anyone, so I usually make myself low maintenance and suppress what I truly want. However, I am not very noble that I would stake my life for someone else nor forgiving that I would just sit by and allow someone to trample and treat me like a doormat.

In terms of likes and dislikes, I love plushies, docile cats, having out-of-nowhere insightful and meaningful conversations, squishmallows (I cannot sleep comfortably without hugging one), and wrapping myself in a warm and thick blanket like a burrito (since I have a terrible cold intolerance). I do not like dirty environments, tardiness, unnecessary disturbances, nosy, pigheaded, and close-minded individuals, and people who jeopardize group activities through their laziness.

Furthermore, in a relationship, I want it to be simply just being each other's safe space and rest. I am quite a private and low-key person as well, so I prefer if we both have hidden sides and many moments that we only know. My love languages are physical touch because I like cuddles, being hugged (like that big hug where I can bury myself on their chest or neck), and hugging people while caressing their hair, words of affirmation when I am comfortable telling what is on my mind, and quality time because once they enter my private space, I feel like I will absolutely love doing almost everything with them, even the simplest and most mundane things.

And that is all~ I apologize again if this is too long. Thank you so much in advance!! ♡

Hello Luna! Thank you for the request! Congratulations on getting on the Principal's honor roll so much, and in one of the top universities no less! I'm also an academic high achiever who loves to procrastinate so I totally get where you're coming from. Sorry your matchup took a while, I'm finally getting on top of my writing. I hope you like your matchup!

In Mystic Messenger, I match you with...

Jumin is someone who certainly understands what procrastination and burnout are.

I feel like during his time studying procrastination was something he had to overcome. Now, it's a long gone memory but he still remembers the tips and tricks he used to get motivated. He's more than happy to share them with you!

Definitely appreciates that you like cats. And unlike 707, he's happy for you to be around Elizabeth. She likes you (at least as much as a cat can show affection), so Jumin has no problem with you spending time with her.

Appreciates that you're a routine driven person. It makes it much easier to work in with his own, very busy, routine. He wants to make sure you feel cared for but he's so busy all the time. He has to schedule time with you to make sure he gets his daily dose of time with you.

Definitely sees you as his safe space. When work gets to be too much, he just wants to snuggle up with you, Elizabeth, and a few of your favourite Squishmallows.

Overall, a relationship with Jumin is one built on mutual trust and comfort.

In Obey Me, I match you with...

Academic rivals to lovers? I think so! I want to write this as a fanfic now...

Admires any meaningful conversations you two have. Satan lives on these moments. It gives him a chance to hear your thoughts while also showing off demonstrating his own knowledge about a wide variety of topics.

Definitely loves the fact that you like cats. Cat café dates are a must! He's also surprisingly fond of your Squishmallows (just don't mention it to his brothers, he will deny it).

Satan definitely enjoys spending quality time with you in his room. It's the place he feels most comfortable and his brothers usually leave him alone when he's in there. You guys can finally get a bit of privacy.

Touch starved! Get him used to snuggles and head pats and soon he'll be seeking them out all the time. It makes him feel like more than just his sin.

A relationship with Satan is one of growth and intelligent connection.

#writing #fanfics #matchup #matchup request #request #mystic messenger #jumin han #obey me #obey me shall we date #satan #satan avatar of wrath

[crippleprophet]

homegrown health literacy part 0: mac is Just Some Guy, i swear

hello and welcome to my Just Some Guy disclaimer! if you’re seeing this on your dash / my blog / etc organically, the context is i will be delving into more posts on health literacy soon, and want to be transparent about my qualifications and lack thereof, positionality, goals, etc, so i’m creating this post to link back to.

most importantly, i am not trying to misrepresent myself as an authority on healthcare, disability, medical research, or your experiences. rather, i am trying to disrupt the positioning of healthcare professionals as authorities. i absolutely understand that i’m not capable of meeting everyone’s access needs (although please let me know about other people & organizations’ work that i can promote!) but i want to do what i can to empower people to understand their own healthcare in order to better self-advocate or have others advocate for them.

so! as i often say, i am Just Some Guy on the internet - i’m not a healthcare professional and have not been one in the past, i don’t know everything, and i especially don’t know all of the particulars of your situation. i don’t want people to be forced to take their doctors at their word because of inaccessible healthcare information and societal ableism; this doesn’t mean i think every word out of your doctor’s mouth is necessarily a lie.

it’s also important to note that i support & affirm people’s decisions not to learn more about their healthcare, question their doctor’s statements and decisions, etc. rather, i want us to live in a society where such decisions are made from a place of informed consent & genuine desire to limit engagement in one’s healthcare, not from social pressure to defer to medical “authorities” which makes doing otherwise unfathomable.

with all of that being said, if you’re interested in my experience with these topics, i’ll list the info i feel is relevant without doxxing myself lol. i’d like to note that i deeply respect independent researchers and self-taught (or often more accurately, community-taught) community advocates; just because my experience is within academia doesn’t mean that’s the only or the best way to learn these skills, and it often if not always instills biases against disabled people (among many other issues).

bachelor’s of science in biomedical engineering including courses on biomechanics, biomaterials, and other healthcare topics taught by a former medical school professor

half of a master’s degree in biomedical engineering (15/30 credits or 5 classes) before having to drop out for health reasons, including a course on rehabilitation engineering taught by a former medical school professor

research focus on low-cost mobility aids, including for my undergraduate senior project. i received a national undergraduate research award and multiple grants from my university for research projects

National Science Foundation Research Experience for Undergraduates (NSF REU) participant; i was paid for ten weeks of full-time research on a project related to healthcare and mobility. my boss was a licensed physical therapist and physical therapy professor with a doctorate in neuroscience

master’s degree in disability studies; i conducted individual interviews and focus groups with disabled people for my thesis

my girlfriend of 6 years who i live with is a third-year medical student (as of february 2023) and we regularly discuss (and critique) her course material, in addition to me asking her to review information i’m unsure about

8 years & counting of lived experience with chronic pain, chronic illness, & medical neglect. i’ve spent about 5 ½ years in disability spaces and learning from other disabled people in person & virtually, and my gf & i have dedicated significant time to researching my symptoms and test results for almost two years (in addition to retroactively researching previous procedures & diagnoses while unable to access care for a few years)

you’re welcome to dm me or send an ask if you have any questions! some information that would super indicate my identity i’m not comfortable sharing, but questions about learning particular research skills etc i’m happy to answer

#mac.txt #homegrown health literacy