#i hope in the future probably when I’m 50 someone in my family is able to understand me for who i am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

broadstflyers · 3 years

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A/N: Hello everyone! This is my first ever fic! It's really just an idea I've had for months, and then wrote, and then couldn't figure out which hockey boy it fit, until some mutuals were kind enough to help. I settled on our boy Barzy! It's inspired by Taylor Swift's "Gold Rush", and I really wanted to do my best in reflecting the beautiful imagery this story creates for me. I hope I did it justice. It's a little terrifying putting my writing out there, but I hope people enjoy it!

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: Two curse words, it's really just internal conflict within the reader

Summary: You're celebrating your dad's 50th birthday with some friends and family at a dinner party. You happen to land your eyes on a beautiful stranger, who you can't seem to get out of your head. You spend the rest of the night wondering, should you go up to him?

Or do you let him walk out the door?

___________

They say when you first lay eyes on your soulmate, time stands completely still. As you gaze into their eyes, it feels as though you’ve known them for multiple lifetimes. It feels like home. Is that even remotely true?

You start to take a sip of your drink and turn your head slightly to take in your surroundings. Your eyes dance around the room, until they stumble upon another pair of wondering eyes. Your eyes lock, and you’re instantly sucked into the mysterious yet intriguing twinkling grey-blue color that compliments his navy blue suit. Suddenly, your breath hitches in your throat, every part of your body stiffens, except for your lips that part slightly and eyes that widen. The drink is long forgotten, you’re even struggling to keep it from practically falling out of your hands and onto the wooden floor. The party is now just a blur, the noise? What noise? The world is muffled, as if someone stuck your head into a hundred pillows. Images stream through your mind like an endless movie reel wrapped in shimmery gold. Endless laughter on a first date over coffee. Him rubbing the back of your hand as you take a stroll through the park. Holiday mornings, exchanging gifts. Would he participate in the tradition of opening small gifts first, or would he want the biggest gift right off the bat? Ice skating and him catching you as you stumble on a pesky track in the ice. Him tossing you into the pool while you’re trying to put up a fight in a losing battle. A sweet and quiet proposal where he promises his forever love. A kiss at the altar in front of all your friends and family. Chasing after rambunctious little kids trying to get them to nap. All these gold dripping images of a pure love plow through your brain. Your heart is the unmovable object. They are the unstoppable force.

You and him only shared a look for what was probably half a second, but the thick air that seemed to only be affecting you made time feel like it stood completely still.

You burst back into reality with the help of a slight head shake. “Woah,” you quietly whisper. You blink a few times and finally get around to taking a sip of your drink to quench your parched throat. Did you just see a whole future...with a stranger?

“Hey, are you okay?” Stella asks. Her hand gently touches your arm as she cocks her head to the side. Her brows are furrowed in what can only be described as pure confusion. Did you really space out that badly as she was talking? What were you guys even talking about?

“Oh,” you say as you gently shake your head, “yeah.” You chuckle, “yeah, I’m just fine.” You wait a beat then say, “Hey, I’m going to use the bathroom really quickly, okay?”

“Sure thing,” she nods. “Do you need me to come with?”

“I’m totally fine, I promise,” you reassure with every bone in your body while giving her your drink. You really just needed to be alone to calm your racing mind that has now turned a complete stranger into a romantic interest with the power of a golden montage.

You make your way over to the exit of the dining hall and push the creaky open with your shoulder, and the amount of force you had to use honestly hurt. Your heels click down the tiled hallway of the golf club to find the bathroom door. The rectangular bathroom mirror framed in an intricate gold design holds your reflection. You slightly tilt your head as you take a look at your face. It’s like someone took the color of a clown nose and colored in your face with it. Jeez. You shake your head and sigh. This isn’t good, and deep down, you know that. You hate when you’re like this, all flustered over someone who just happened to lock eyes with you. His eyes. They were gleaming and just all around beautiful. What were you thinking again?

Oh, right.

Well, it’s pretty obvious he has this power over you, and you don’t like that. Now is your face going to become red everytime you see him? You check your phone. There’s still two hours left, plenty of time to possibly see him again. You can’t tell if that’s necessarily a good or bad thing.

You pace around the bathroom trying to reason with your begging heart. He was pretty good looking, which means that so many people naturally want him. Who was he even talking to, anyways? You gasp and stop in your tracks, blood running cold. “He was talking to a girl,” you mumble. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t sound completely and utterly crushed. In the heat of the moment, you completely failed to realize the blonde standing next to him. You lean over the counter, the cold marble feeling on your arms making your arms break out in goosebumps. You take one last stern look in the mirror at your face. “See, this is why we can’t allow ourselves to fall that hard,” you whisper angrily, “everyone wants him, and I just...I don’t like a gold rush like that.” You shake your head again and take one last deep breath to shake out any other thoughts. You can see yourself standing barefooted at the bottom of a hole looking astounded at how tall the walls have grown, and how distant the light looks. It feels like you soared lightheartedly into the sky, just to fall and crush every bone in your body.

You roll your eyes to yourself while slightly cursing yourself out. Pushing the bathroom door open, you step out into the hallway and make a beeline back for the dining hall. Your purse starts spastically vibrating, so you hastily fish your phone out to put an end to the obnoxious noise. Scanning the text, you read that your mom is asking where you went, as the cake for your dad’s birthday is going to be cut soon. You sigh as you text, “I’m hurrying back now.”

That’s all you see before you feel a slight brush tickle your bare shoulder. Your eyes don’t dare move from your phone screen. You reason that it’s not someone you know, as they would have said something to you. Your hands shake as you put your phone back in your purse.

“Oh, sorry,” the voice trails off as he continues to walk down the hallway after he brushed up against you.

“It’s okay,” you whisper, without turning around, which is admittedly ridiculous.

As soon as you can judge his footsteps are far away enough, you make a quick glance behind to see if it really was him. And judging by the navy blue suit, it was.

Suddenly, the golden montage flows through your mind once more, showing an image of yourself wearing an old shirt of his, maybe one from when he was in high school for whatever sport he played, if he played one. Your feet feel the coolness of the wooden floor of the supposed home. The home both of you share? It’s so tangible, so real that you almost reach out to touch it. It’s right there...

Your head jerks yourself out of the vision once more, or rather the fact that you’re now faced with a white wall in front of you. You sigh a long frustrated sigh. I can’t believe I really walked by the entrance, how embarrassing, you think as you turn on your heels to backtrack. Why does this stranger have you so wrapped around his finger? No one else has been able to even come close to doing that. You feel your face with your hand, and it’s burning. I’ll go in there looking like a tomato, it’s fine.

You do your best to quite literally shake off those thoughts as you push open the dining room hall door. “There you are!” your mom says. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you. Come on, we’re going to sing happy birthday to Dad.”

“Can’t wait,” you beam. After all, your dad only turns 50 once, and this night is about him, afterall. You follow your mom to a table with a white tablecloth resting on it.

Stella pops out from behind your dad to approach you and whispers, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You resist the urge to gently shove her in front of everyone. “Yes,” you pleadingly insist, “now stop asking me in front of Mom and Dad, they’ll think something is wrong.”

She side eyes you with an attitude. “Fine.”

“They’re my girls,” your dad says with a smile.

You and Stella laugh while leaning into him for a quick hug. “Hey dad,” you both say in unison.

The room completely dies down, people could hear a pin drop. “Ready?” your mom asks the guests. The room takes a collective deep breath.

And so the melody of Happy Birthday rings joyously through the hall, you can see the mystery stranger out of the corner of your eye. Heat radiates off your skin, it’s almost like you can feel his eyes boring into you. It takes all the willpower you can muster, but you resist the temptation to look over at him all throughout the song.

When the song is over, the room breaks out into obnoxiously loud clapping. You, Stella, and your parents share loving looks and warm smiles.

Eventually, everyone proceeds to return to normal chatter at the one rectangular table of two that they’re sitting at, and so do you, Stella and your parents.

You pull out your seat next to your sister near the middle of the middle of the table and sit, fixing your dress.

“Ahem,” Stella says in an ill attempt to cover her suspiciousness with a clearing throat noise. Queue whatever accusatory question she’s got.

“Let me just set something straight,” she starts.

“Go for it,” you say as you reach for some water.

“It’s definitely that guy a few seats down, isn’t it?” She smirks. She’s got you trapped in her little web, and she knows it.

You may or may not have fought back choking on your water or pulling a ridiculous spit take on the nice white table cloth.

You lean in and harshly whisper, “Well you didn’t have to say it that loudly.” You glance over at the mystery stranger and see his hand wrapped around his glass as he goes to drink it. He has a thick silver ring on his pointer finger?

“Hello?” Stella shifts her head to selfishly cut off your view of him.

“Okay,” you sigh in defeat, “yes it’s him. Happy?”

“Very,” she says, very satisfied because she finally pried it out of you and got you to admit it. Someone else has you wrapped around their finger. She didn’t even have to know all the details of the montages to know. She could tell by the way your eyes glossed over and how your lips would slightly part like you were in a hazy daydream.

And you were.

“Who is he anyway? And why don’t we know him?” You ask.

“I don’t know, honestly. A little strange, isn’t it? Why don’t you ask mom who he is?” She suggests, but her cheshire smile suggests that she will somehow find out, with or without your mom’s help.

“But mom’s going to absolutely harass me until I say something to him. Just you on my tail is enough,” you say with an eyebrow raised as to say ‘don’t test me.’ And Stella knows you’re right.

“Alright, fine,” she concedes, “But why don’t you, I don’t know, talk to him?”

“I did,” you nonchalantly float.

Her eyes widen and her mouth forms an “O” from disbelief. Did you really not talk to people that much?

“Really?” she practically squeals.

“Yeah, he brushed by me and said, ‘Sorry’ so I said, ‘It’s okay.’” Okay, now you get why your friends and family get mad at you for refusing to talk to people. But cracking this joke was one you could not pass up.

Her face scrunches up and she exhibits the biggest eye roll you have ever seen. She opens her mouth to start saying something, probably to scold at you, but you open your mouth to cut her off first.

“Alright no, I haven’t. And do you know why?” As you’re about to get your thought out, you’re interrupted by a fit of laughter down the stretch of the table. Your eyes scan but freeze on the stranger, whose nose is adorably scrunched up as he laughs with multiple, yes multiple, people about goodness knows what. And there’s that other blonde that you still don’t know, laughing with him. You tear your stare away and focus back on your sister.

“Look, that right there. That’s why,” you say, anger burning through your chest.

Stella raises an eyebrow in her own judgemental manner. “He talks to people? You know people do that right?”

Now it’s your turn to return the favor of a judgemental eye roll. “No, Stella, I mean just look at him and the people he’s surrounded by. It’s so obvious that everyone wants him. Just look at that girl with him. I’m not the only one who wants to love him.”

Silence ensues between you two. She picks up her phone and shoots a quick text. After a moment she says, “Well, I think if you just talked to him, you’d be pleasantly surprised with what could happen. I have to help mom with distributing gift bags. You stay here,” she instructs.

You can only assume you’re not being called to help because Stella graciously told your mom that you’re potentially working up the courage to talk to someone that’s not one of your three friends or your family. How generous of her.

A few friends of your dad stop by your seat to say goodbye before they head out. The noise slightly dies down enough to scarcely hear some other conversations. You hear nothing out of the ordinary, just a girl talking about getting into her dream school to some guy. Your ears slightly move as you pick up on a voice that sounds like the one in the hallway earlier.

“Yeah dude, but did you see the fake out on the goalie on the second goal? That had to have been the best part.”

Out of instinct you open your mouth to interject, but quickly shut it and put it under lock and key. You blink in disbelief. Hockey? Did this man just speak on hockey?

You circle the rim of the coffee cup and stare at the brown liquid. In a different universe…

In a different universe you would have actually kept your mouth open, and maybe even squeezed some words out, too.

“Actually, that seamless stretch pass down the neutral zone from the defenseman after a pretty difficult forecheck set up the play pretty well. I’d give him a lot of credit, too.”

He’d probably look a little shocked, as do most guys when you interject your two-sense about hockey. But maybe he’d break out into a small smile and offer a rebuttal. Yeah, that sounds nice. Maybe one day…

Maybe one day you’ll be sitting next to him on the couch, watching a game while cuddling and brushing the hair out of his face. Oh who are you kidding, you’ll be up and screaming at the TV. It’s your staple.

A noise of someone dropping something behind you slightly startles you and pulls you out of your once again golden daydream. You finally stop mindlessly circling the rim of your coffee cup to take a sip, but only to find it’s now ice cold.

This is why you hate looking through a pair of rose colored glasses. It distracts you from enjoying things. You glance over at your dad who’s still talking to one of his good friends that lingered after festivities. You’re supposed to be celebrating him right now, but instead you’re literally stuck in this cursedly pure golden daydream that is almost too good to break.

You can see him. He’s still there, at the end of the table, chatting away with some dude. The blonde left at some point, though.

“Well, I gotta head out, man, good to see you. My sister needs help with packing her stuff for college tomorrow, so we’ve got a busy day coming up.”

Could that girl have been his sister?

“Congratulations to her on getting into her dream school by the way,” the guy says. “I talked to her when she was here earlier, and she seemed super excited.”

A wave of cool relief washes over your body, remembering the conversation about college you picked up on earlier. It was his sister.

“Yeah she is, she worked really hard, and it also involved a whole lot of crying,” he chuckles.

Ain’t that right, you think to yourself.

The table shakes as he pushes out of his chair. Your eyes remain glued to your coffee cup no matter how much you want them to move. You just can’t gather the courage to say something, and you’re cursing yourself for it. You don’t want to sit here and dream about him anymore. You want to actually let these things happen, for once. You want to just unleash all these swirling and sickeningly sweet emotions from your body and drown him in it. You want so badly to leap up and say something, anything. Step on those voices taunting you and mocking you saying that it could never happen, it could never be so it will never be. He’s so inviting that you can’t resist any longer. You go to reach out to him, but the door shuts before you know it.

And just as fleeting as he came,

He’s gone.

Fuck. It feels as though a brick is sitting on your chest, suffocating you. You really let your worries control you, and this time it feels as though you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. You just can’t believe you let it happen when your mind was begging you to talk to him. You always do-

“Shit,” you mumble. In your frustration, you knocked over the remnants of the coffee onto the not-so-white-anymore table cloth. Tears prickle up in your eyes, your throat closes, and your nose begins to sting. You quickly swallow these emotions down your throat and begin to use a napkin to soak up the excess coffee. Drinks have really not been your friend tonight.

For the first time, you notice as you clean that it’s just you left in the room, besides a few people cleaning up on the other end. You’re not sure where your family has gone, but you haven’t received any texts prompting you to leave yet. It’s so silent that you can hear some muffled chatter down the hall.

Suddenly, you hear the same creak of the door open with an “oof” that doesn’t quite sound like your dad. Your blood runs cold and you freeze mid press into the tablecloth. You glance up without turning around to see a lone jacket hanging on a chair suspiciously close to the chair he previously sat in. Your eyes widen and dart around the room, but you dare not move, waiting to see what he does. Even after cursing yourself out for ten minutes while cleaning up spilled coffee, you still haven’t learned to make the first move. His presence feels like a forcefield, you can feel it heavily pressing into your back.

But he isn’t moving to grab the jacket, no.

A pointer finger with a silver ring taps your shoulder.

“Hey,” the clarity of his voice rings in your ears like a bell. Your heart is racing so fast that it feels like it’s going to burst out of your rib cage and run its own 10k. You slowly crank your head around to meet his eyes for the first time-- face to face.

And you must say, his face is really pretty when you actually talk to him face to face. Maybe you should do this more often. You take in his golden features, and struggle to hide a small smirk creeping up on your face. His messy hair falls perfectly into place on his head, and his kind face makes you feel as though a mess of metallic gold swirls are playfully swirling and dashing around you both. You’ve found him in this lifetime.

“I’m Mat, can I help you clean up before I grab my jacket?”

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #nhl imagine #mat barzal x reader

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 2 years

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Hey! I always seem to end up in blog when researching MBTI and I thought finally I'd ask for help. I've been wanting to figure out my actual MBTI type for years. I've done the tests, asked on forums, learned the functions aaand bam - every time it just doesn't quite fit. I hope you'd be able to give me some tips. [1] (I'm so sorry these are in parts, it's only letting me do a block at a time)

I feel that my personality has changed from being an overachiever (an ExTJ) who didn’t care about stepping on people to survive to being an Ixxx and having an EXTREMELY strong moral compass which is almost the basis of the things that I do. I see almost all actions as right or wrong and feel that it is my duty to do the right thing even when others don't. It’s not coming from within me but I really want to be a better person and my mind has developed these morals. Linking to that, I have always had plans spanning 30 years to the future and have always had an extremely strong need to go into a medical career. [2] I pick my battles, ie. when people talk bad about me I don't care or take it personally unless it is not logical which is when I really get pissed off. Logic is equally at the top of why I do things. If a system isn’t working, I try something else. Everything has a system, an order. And I love analysing things and particularly behaviour. When people talk about opinions, I want to know about their thought process ie. if they think I’m organised I want to know examples & how did they get to that point. I’ve also been told I turn casual conversations into debates on hypothetical situations. [3]Now the tricky part… I like to keep things to myself, ie. I speak another language but haven’t told a soul. When I was younger my parents used to pressure me to take another language. I told them I never would even when that disappointed them and they started being verbally abusive. So, I needed to feel at peace with myself first and I wanted it to be MY decision. I don't want to live a life others want for me, I don’t like having influences in my decisions. If someone tells me to do something, I probably would not do it t all just to make the point. But still when I am a bit blunt when I get fed up or when I joke, I try to maintain overall peoples harmony first even when I get exhausted when I initiate conversations with extreme introverts. I feel the need to be switching subjects and that I need to carry their feelings and not get my own real word in as to not hurt them. [4]I'm not that warm and welcoming to new people unless I'm the new person. I want to know my "position" is safe and before I think about becoming friends with them I take time to figure out what type of person they truly are by listening to them and seeing if their actions hold (ie. do they go talk behind someones back, do they repeat the same jokes to everyone). I have no problem cutting people off suddenly and completely. But then I feel strong pull towards few random people that fascinate me, they then can do no wrong in my eyes, they become characters of my internal world where I’ve lived 50 lives and scenarios and where I go to relax and feel finally content and at peace. [5]It's hard for me to understand feelings I haven't experienced myself, have grown out of or don't see as big deals. Say when I got into an accident I was fine and calm - didn't even tell my friends/family. When my friend experienced the same they immediately called their family and were very emotional. I thought they were being dramatic and that there were bigger issues, it isn’t like they died (= logic again here). I don't express my emotions and don't feel them either, at all. I don't really feel others emotions at all either. I'm calm in stress, been told I have an ear for working in trauma situations. I notice patterns. In games, in behaviour. I can predict what happens based on that. I only feel at ease when I'm able to read people and predict their behaviour and thinking as I know their intentions then. [7] (again, SO sorry these were in parts!!)

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I'm fairly confident you have high Ni, and my guess is if you were considering ExTJ prior, ENTJ still fits this, and you've just developed as you've gotten older to not being quite as much of a steamroller. If your personal situation has gotten more stable as you've grown that would also be a huge non-MBTI factor in that sort of development. The logic you express here does seem to be Te with high Ni leading into the hypotheticals, rather than high Ti, and there's a lot here that really points away from Ti-Fe/towards Te-dom: difficulty understanding certain points of view but being aware of it; good in crisis situations; fiercely independent and wanting your decisions to be your own. I think you're an ENTJ who has matured a bit, and I also think you're not an 8 so the particularly forceful ENTJ archetypes might sound off to you. I'd look at 1 or 3 cores in enneagram; 1 fits the moral compass and 3 fits some of what you've said here regarding interactions with other people.

#mbti #enneagram #entj

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nutty1005 · 3 years

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Uniquely Him – Xiao Zhan: The biggest monster to defeat is himself

Translator’s Note: This article comes from ELLE Magazine 2019 Jan Issue.

He learned drawing since elementary school, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession, firmly believing in the existence of aliens. As a lively, vivid and exemplary person, he radiates a sense of security from someone dependable, and yet he has a worldly wisdom of one who knows the ways of the world but prefers not to practice it.

He learned drawing since young, drawing planets and monsters were his obsession. When he watched Martians in movies as a child, his wild imagination gave him a battle with monsters. At that time, he was a boy who was especially fascinated with space, and believed firmly that aliens existed. When he saw news on UFOs, he was excited, curious, but also afraid – would the aliens be friendly with us?

After he read “The Three-Body Problem”, this feeling grew stronger. While exclaiming the broadness of the author’s imagination and how grand the universe is, he researched on the theories and explanations in the novel, as well as on astronomy. Xiao Zhan also imagined how the subjects in “The Three-Body Problem” would look like, “looks like an engineer, perhaps he wears spectacles, he must have a highly progressed mind, great mechanical skills, but probably useless in everyday life, just like Sheldon in ‘The Big Bang Theory’.”

The cruel logic behind all the glitz

Seated in front of the window in the hotel room, his long narrow eyes, puffy and red, Xiao Zhan just finished a day’s filming, and was accepting our interview in a layer of thick winter coat. His attitude was polite, and all around him was the vividness of youth – this made a huge impression.

He had his own studio when he was in year 2 of university, and became a designer after graduating – exemplary student Xiao Zhan’s most glorious moment was being able to design logos in projects with his seniors while he was still an intern, and the client eventually chose his design. Life as a designer lasted until 2015 – his university teacher recommended him to participate in “X-Fire” (TN: A talent search variety show) and he debuted, and since then, his life went onto a different track, becoming one of the hottest idols currently.

Actually, the challenge of becoming an artist is not much different from fighting monsters – since you receive flowers and applause, you would also receive gossip and rumors. His life had been smooth sailing till this, and this confused him for a while, “When the competition ended, there was some dissenting voices, I didn’t quite understand then. Now I’m more at peace, because when you choose a career, you need to learn to accept it. People will like you, and there will be people who won’t.”

However, the cruel logic behind all the glitz was something he could not have imagined. “Audiences do not see what you’ve experienced along the way, they would only judge you based on the final results.” He was filming his first period movie, being outdoors in the mountains at -10°C+ was a daily norm, “We’re filming by the river, everyday we could see the ice slowly form up, today the river is totally frozen, we could walk on it. Basically after every scene I have to cover my face with a warm water bag, otherwise my face would be numb from the cold and become uncontrollable.” And because today there was a scene to scream and shout, Xiao Zhan’s voice was already hoarse.

Xiao Zhan could overcome all this suffering and exhaustion well, the biggest monster he wanted to fight were his self imposed restrictions. “Just now I was thinking while doing make-up, that actually celebrities are like a product, packaged by make-up and styles in order to polish this product. I will bring forth my best to my audiences, but yet I don’t want to over package myself, the real me needs to be in it. I wish that everyone, while accepting my glorious exterior as a celebrity, would also accept my flaws and quirks, since after all, I am a vivid person.”

This sincerity and clarity is where Xiao Zhan’s wisdom lies.

“There is no grandiose in my life”

2018 is the year of rapid growth for Xiao Zhan, he had main roles in various dramas, such as “The Wolf”, “Joy of Life”, “The Untamed”, etc – honing his acting and radiating his presence.

As the lead actor in “The Untamed”, Xiao Zhan’s load was heavy and his filming schedule was tight – filming under the ceaseless summer heat in Hengdian, his mind was always tense. The temperatures in the set was as high as 50°C, the make-up could not stay on, and he filmed most scenes barefaced. The most unforgettable scene was a crying scene – Wei Wuxian, portrayed by Xiao Zhan, had an explosive emotional scene after the massacre of the Jiang family. This scene started filming in the morning, he and Jiang Yanli started crying since 7 a.m. and after they were done, their eyes were as swollen as that of goldfishes. Before this, he was filming “The Wolf” – he systematically took performance classes and grew rapidly in during the filming. “Familiar set and environment, learning to adjust to the nerves and tension, especially since there were hundreds of people servicing you on set, you can do no mistakes.” Xiao Zhan radiates this sense of security from someone dependable. “The Wolf” was his first time as a main supporting role, and he was under tremendous pressure during that period, he often dreamed of acting on set. After every scene he would request for everyone to provide feedback, and then he would learn continuously, analyze and quickly adjust.

After that he had his first cat of his life, a munchkin named Jianguo (TN: Jianguo means nut). After the performance teacher learned about this, one of the homework he gave Xiao Zhan was for him to observe his cat. As a cat-lover, he reveled in the it, “I found out some things that I overlooked, like you will find out that when she’s angry, affectionate or hungry her expression and calls are different.” Xiao Zhan was exceptionally loving to his cat – the first thing he did when after a day’s work was to go home and play with his cat. His private life was quiet and simple, he just stays at home. “The feeling of staying at home is like falling into a cloud, you could roll around as you like, there is no pressure.”

“There is no grandiose in my life.” This was what he felt that gave people the sense of security. His parents, while supportive of his career, were also worried, hence Xiao Zhan often communicated with them, sharing his career successes, helping them be at ease.

In the whole conversation, Xiao Zhan had the purity and enthusiasm belonging uniquely to a youth, and there was this sense of extraordinary realness in him. “Whether or not I want to be an idol, I don’t actually have a choice, the label of an idol is already on me, just that I want to slowly shed off the label of an idol, and become an actor accepted by audiences, so that they can see more of my inner self.”

“I especially dislike public proclamations, you have to pace your life.”

ELLE: What type of boyfriend do you think you are? XZ: I am the boyfriend who is more considerate of the other person, if there were to be my other half in the future, when she’s busy, upset or happy, or wants me to do something, I’ll try to accompany her the way she likes it.

ELLE: Are you the gentle puppy type of boyfriend? XZ: There’s definitely a dominating side, but if you were to be dominating everyday, how do you live? When you have the other half, the most important things are responsibility and trust. (After having a cat, do you think you’re a good dad?) I feel yes, from taking care of my cat.

ELLE: What type of girls do you most want to date? XZ: In many interviews before I spoke about warm, gentle and family-loving girls, but I feel that it still comes down to chemistry, and this is something unpredictable.

ELLE: If you are currently dating a girl, how would you hope to spend Valentine’s Day? XZ: Stay at home, and cook together. There’s a phrase about when you love the right person, every day’s Valentine’s Day, why do you have to spend that day in the crowd with everyone. Being an artist is quite particular, and quite tiring, I have to go back to live my life. If everyday has to be vigorous and stirring, there’s no way to live. No one can act everyday, I especially dislike public proclamations, I feel that you have to pace your life.

ELLE: If we give you a holiday now, what would you do? XZ: Go home and rest, with my parents, and then play with my cat.

ELLE: Are you a typical Libra? XZ: I don’t think so, I don’t have difficulties in choosing, when I spot something I want to buy, I’ll just buy. But sometimes I’ll be stuck in things that I care about, for example the scene I did today, if I’m not satisfied with it, I will think about it from morning till night, and annoy the others around me with my nagging.

#xiao zhan #sean xiao #xiaozhan #肖战

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r1ntaros · 3 years

Text

Sweet Escape //Choi San [2]

[1] [2]

Pairing: mafia boss!san x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, mafia au

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: usage of drugs, mentions of alcohol consumption, cursing, mentions of weapons

Summary: Going back home feels dreadful as he knows that his freedom will no longer be his by the time he sets foot in the place he grew up once again. San is desperate, for the first time in years, to have someone save him even if it’s in a form of an angel-looking beauty that hides the darkness from within.

Author's Note: Part 2 is finally here and I'm sad to say that this is where it ends.. Also, some names are made up by me hehe! Enjoy!

Masterlist

San has never felt so free and it’s all thanks to y/n.

It wasn’t long when he realized that he did, in fact, grew to love y/n as a friend then escalated into something more quickly. He knew by the time he realized that he had to get rid of it quickly before he ended up actually hurting himself. But here he is, sitting in front of her at dinner, watching her talk about herself in admiration.

He couldn’t help but smile as he notices her small mannerism like how she uses her hands to make her stories more exaggerated, how she snaps her fingers when she remembers something important.. or snap in front of San’s face to get his focus once again to which she perfectly did so.

“Sannie, are you okay? You’ve tuned out in the middle of my story telling.” She huffs with a pout and crosses her arms in her chest. He couldn't help but laugh, muttering an apology as he cut a part of his steak and put it in her mouth to emphasize his apology.

She obviously lit up, eating the slice and said after chewing with a clap, “Thanks, bestie. That’s really good!”

“I know, it tastes extravagant.”

“It really does, probably different from what I used to have back home.” She said, spinning some pasta on her fork only to give it to San as an exchange.

“Okay, that pasta tastes really good as well.”

“I know right? Carbonara really is the best!”

Y/n started to inhale her food more and so did San. They were eating quietly, the silence engulfing them is very comfortable as if they’ve known each other for a long time to be like this in each other’s company. However, the silence didn’t last as y/n spoke, “Sannie, I hope this is not crossing the line but may I ask why you decided to take this trip alone?”

San could only offer her a small smile and he wiped his mouth, ready to speak when y/n added, “It’s okay you don’t have to ans—”

“I’m getting married after this trip.”

He doesn’t know if his eyes are playing tricks but he saw how her eyes became downcast, “Oh..” was all she muttered before eating her food once again.

San, however, took this as a sign to continue, “My father is a really powerful man, pulling some string in favor of other people’s success. There’s this lady that he did a huge favor to which she’ll pay the price with her daughter’s life.”

It seemed to gain y/n’s interest, her eyes telling him to continue, “He decided to set me up in an arranged marriage. Trust me when I say I don’t like it at all.”

“And yet you agreed to it?”

“I have no choice, I’ll accept his conditions or else I’ll..” San contemplated for a while whether to tell if he’ll get himself possibly killed once he declined his father’s decisions. But he thinks y/n is so much of an angel to know how dark the world can be.

“You’ll get what, Sannie?” She urges, looking at him with wide eyes making him sigh, “I’ll gain no inheritance from him.”

“That’s so fucked up.”

San couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly at the grimace painted in her face as he agrees with her words. Little did she know that his whole world is entirely fucked up and what he told her is just a .001% of everything.

“How about you, little y/n? Why did you decide to go on a trip alone?”

She scowled at his remarks only to receive a laugh from San, “Fuck you, I’m not little. You’re just tall. And to answer your question, let’s just say my mom and my sister don't specifically want me to be around during their planning for the big thing.”

“Care to elaborate what does that mean?”

“My sister is getting married to this..” She gestures her hands vaguely as if trying to find the right word, “Big shot type of a man’s son and they’re meeting him for the preparations in the wedding.”

“Huh? What does it have to do with them sending you away?”

“They said and I quote ‘We don’t want you to meet your sister’s father-in-law because we don’t know what you can do.’ Like what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are they expecting me to seduce a fucking 50-year old man?”

San couldn’t help but let out an amused chuckle, “Or maybe you’re too pretty to be around that it’ll make your sister’s father-in-law change his mind to get you to marry his son instead?” He tried to offer lightheartedly and it seemed to work as y/n beamed at him happily.

“So they’re threatened?” She asked, giggling in amusement.

“Yes, maybe they are.”

“Well they should be,” She said and stood up from her seat, San following her actions, “Come on, let’s go up the deck for the last time since this trip is coming to an end.”

San wished she didn’t have to remind him.

The both of them were sitting on deck, the same place where they first talked almost 3 months ago. They bask in silence, y/n sitting beside San with his blazer draped on her lap. They stare at the darkness around them, carefully listening to the waves crashing on the ship’s walls. It made San think about the time he endlessly has to catch her everytime she accidentally slips on the ship’s stairs after their usual afternoon swim in one of the pools.

How she drunkenly volunteered to sing that one night only for her to make San realize that she possesses the voice of an angel. How San was able to show her his competitive side while playing tekken with her on the lounge room, not caring about the weird stares people gave them for being too noisy and how they cuddled the night after their shenanigans, watching netflix and eating whatever snack is available for them to eat.

San giggled at the memory, startling y/n.

“What’s so funny?” She asked, tilting her head curiously to the side and San had to stop himself from pinching her cheeks because of how cute she is.

“Remember that one night when we were eating dinner and that old couple approached us, asking if we’re on honeymoon?”

She couldn’t help but giggle as well while nodding her head, “I was so flustered I accidentally said yes. But hey, at least we got free dessert!”

A solemn smile made its way to his face, “How I wish it was really true.”

Y/n could possibly get a whiplash with how fast she looked at San, eyes full of shock, “San? What do you mean?”

“I like you, y/n.” He said, taking a deep sigh, “Fuck I know it’s too fast but you made it so easy for me to fall in love with you in a span of those months we have spent together.”

“Sannie, I—”

“Ever since then, I dreamt of nothing but being able to hold you and get you involved with the way I lived. I want to bring you with me to the future and spend every remaining time with you that the present has to offer. I want to be able to kiss you, to be able to hug you freely in front of my family and my friends..”

He looked at her in the eye, “I want to be with you, y/n.”

A tear slipped her eyes as she looked at him, not knowing what to say. She wants to tell him how she wants the same. How she’s been craving for his loving touch and how she wants him to cuddle her without looking too needy.

But y/n fought all those thoughts as she thought that everything was escalating too fast between the two of them.

And aside from that, he’s getting married. Fuck. San is..

“Sannie, you’re getting married. I.. we.. we can’t.. I don’t know how I—”

San was shaking his head, trying to grab her hands in his. He refuses to believe that he’s getting married. Refused the fact that after this, he’ll no longer spend his life by himself. Instead, he’ll be spending it with someone he doesn’t know.

Someone who doesn’t possess the same attractive feature as her. Someone who he thinks he won’t love the way he loves y/n. Someone who is not her..

Someone who is not y/n.

And it pains him terribly in his heart and his mind.

San let out an incredulous laugh after his realization sinked in, “Yeah.. you’re right.” He nods his head as if agreeing to what she said, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I must be out of my head. I’m gonna take my leave.”

He stood up from where he was seated making y/n alarmed, “Sannie wait hear me out—”

“Good bye, y/n.”

And that night, he left her for the first time in the darkness alone with tears heavily falling down her eyes, sobbing uncontrollably with longingness not knowing that San also left his heart along with her leaving him empty and dull because of the pain. The next morning, y/n feels her body is too heavy for her to get up and leave the ship especially after what happened last night.

She never got to see San again once he left her all alone at the deck and she never got back to her room as well which leads her to her current situation, walking barefooted along the ship’s stay-in rooms and lost in her thoughts but she knows she has to move quick as the ship near docking on the port.. at least that’s what the staff who woke her up told her though.

She was passing by San’s room when the door suddenly opened to reveal San in his god-like glory. They made eye contact for a while only for the male to look away, dragging his suitcase behind him which made y/n to continue her walk to her own room. Only when they created enough distance that y/n remembered his coat still slung on her shoulders.

She frantically made her turn, “San!”

The male visibly froze at the end of the hallway but at least he spared y/n a glance which she considered as a win.

The soft patter of her feet was frantic as she removed the blazer hanging on her shoulders and gave it to the rightful owner, “T-This is yours.. thank you.”

San grabbed the blazer on her hand and he started to walk away once again when y/n spoke, “Safe travels, San.”

He muttered a quick ‘you too’ before turning his way out, not sparing her a glance anymore.

She let out a deep sigh and proceeded to her room to clean herself and change her clothes, thankful that she already packed her things the day before. After she does so, she pulls her luggage along with her, just in time to hear that the ship has successfully docked.

Knowing what was already waiting for her, she immediately went straight through the port’s waiting area where she saw far more men in black suits that acted as bodyguards guarding seven other men who looked like they were waiting for someone to come down. Looks like someone important, she thought but she proceeded to walk until she saw her own bodyguard and personal driver who offered her a warm smile.

“Hey there, little baby. How’s the trip?”Junseo, her bodyguard and somehow someone who acted as her brother, asked as he pats her head. She just offered him a small smile and answered timidly, “It was fun, but shit went down yesterday.”

“Awe, what happened?”

She shook her head softly and it’s enough of a message for him to know that she doesn’t want to talk about it. He nodded in understanding and spoke once again, “The private jet your mom sent is already waiting at the airport. They said you can go grab some lunch first if you want to but they can serve you one in the jet if you don’t want to eat here on land.”

“Let’s just go to the airport, I want to rest.” Was all she said and proceeded to enter the car.

Junseo sighed and nodded his head, muttering a ‘shit really went that bad?’ under his breath and entered the car.

Meanwhile, in a safe distance, San had his eyes on her as if guarding her carefully in the last minutes only to be snapped by Seonghwa back to reality.

“You’re awfully spacing out again. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Seonghwa huffs in annoyance.

“Sorry, what was it?”

“I said, we have to leave. And that the wedding will be held next week.” His best friend rolled his eyes at him and he made eye contact with Hongjoong who was staring at him intently, making him raise his eyebrows which the latter just promptly answered with a shake of his head.

They left the place quickly in order and as the distance to the airport continues to decrease, he knows that along with it is his heart continuously breaking into two.

Successfully arriving in Korea, y/n braced herself into another 3 hours travel time which made her catch up with everything she had missed.

Junseo had said that the wedding has been perfectly planned already and that it’ll be grand. A lot of money has been placed on it as well and that she’ll be the maid of honor. But aside from those, there’s one thing she’s curious about.

“Who is she going to marry anyways?” She cut off Junseo in the middle of his rambling and he looked a bit startled by it but he quickly answered, “I think it’s like Choi.. something?”

“Choi..?”

“Yeah, you know that one huge mafia group right? The one who was led by the Choi’s. He has a son who will be next in line and I heard that he won’t lead the mafia unless he agrees to his father’s terms.”

“And that is to marry my sister?” Y/n supplies with a raise of her brow.

Junseo nodded as a confirmation, “Yeah that one or else he’ll get killed.” He then tapped her driver’s arm, “Jaeseok, what’s the name of the man again?”

“Choi Shan? Choi Sang? I don’t..” She pales at the close proximity of the name to her San. But on the other hand, she never got to know what San’s real name is.

“Choi San?” Y/n asked with uncertainty.

Jaeseok nodded his head enthusiastically as if she answered a million dollar question. Her eyes widened as she slaps Junseo’s arm, earning a shout of surprise from the other.

“Do you have a picture of him, Junseo?”

Junseo pulled out his phone and did a few taps on the screen to show him a photo of San, making her heart sink. “Fuck..” She mutters weakly and gives the phone back to Junseo.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” The bodyguard asked with concern.

She lets out a deep sigh and tells them what happened during the trip, Junseo and Jaeseok listening intently to her story. When she reached the end of it, the two boys let out a deep sigh. They were quiet for a while with y/n dreading deep on her feelings, regretting why she didn’t tell him that she liked.. in fact love him that night.

The silence was broken by Jaeseok and the tone of his voice hinted something, “My girlfriend is your sister’s stylist for the wedding though.”

“What the fuck was that supposed to mean, dude?”

“Well we can pull some strings and get y/n to marry Choi San instead.” Jaeseok said with a shrug and he adds, “Don’t look at me like that and stop pretending like we haven’t actually plotted anything evil before. Remember when we decided to knock out the guy who forced y/n to date him by putting some sleeping drugs on his wine?”

Y/n couldn’t help but laugh as she fits herself in between the gap of the seats, “So what’s your plan, Mr. Clever Pants?”

“Just put your sister on sleeping drugs too, just enough for her to not wake up during the whole ceremony.”

Junseo seemed confused, “How are we going to..?”

“Also, don’t you think it’s time for y/n to have an exposure? Y/n is older by a year yet she’s the one who was hidden by Ms. Han, even giving her her actual father’s last name. So it only makes sense that Choi San is supposed to be married to y/n because she was pregnant with her by the time she made the deals with the devil.” Jaeseok logically explained and y/n flinched at that fact.

Everything makes sense now.

“And besides, he didn’t specify which daughter too so both y/n and Ayeon are qualified. But y/n should be on the winning case since Ms. Han was carrying her as a baby that time.”

The car went silent for a while and Junseo made a turn to look at y/n only to see a devilish smirk plastered on her face as she was already looking at him. Junseo knows her all to well. She agrees with the plan. The bodyguard only sighed and pulled out his phone to call someone, “Hello, Yunho? Yes, it’s me Junseo, your cousin. Can you do me a quick favor?”

It’s been six days since San went home and since he last saw y/n as well. The wedding is tomorrow. In a span of those days, his friends never failed to miss that their friends had a little bit of change in his composure. He seemed more broken and vulnerable and they decided to leave it for a while until Hongjoong could no longer take it and took the matters in his own hands.

So long story short, the boys already knew about y/n, and are trying to use their connections to look for her whereabouts just so the two can reconnect with each other.

No one was successful except Yunho, of course, especially after his cousin called while he was on his way home to Gwangju and sadly parted ways with San already.

Yunho, out of all seven, has met y/n immediately four days after his cousin’s phone call. She works fast, even faster than Yunho himself. He found out about everything, even y/n’s side of the story and provided them with what they needed and also helped them plan for the big thing as well.

He was supposed to meet them once again for finalization but San had begged them to come over to spend the last days of his, Yunho quotes as he said, “bachelorship” to which he thinks is too dramatic for his friend and then proceeds to remember that he knows nothing about the plan.

They were currently playing a dangerous game of darts that instead of throwing darts itself, they throw pocket knives on the dart board. They just went on with a round of it before deciding that they should just let themselves get drunk.

Yunho poured himself a drink in a glass and slumped beside San then they clink their glasses together before continuing to down the shot. It seethes on their throats, feeling the burn of it. After recovering with the shot, he placed his hands on San’s thighs, “What’s your plan dude?”

San looked at him, confused, “What do you mean by what’s my plan? I’m getting married tomorrow, dude.”

“Well do you not have plans to meet or look for y/n at least?”

The black-haired male sighed and ran a hand on his hair, “There’s no use, Yunho. She doesn’t want me the way I want her. Heck, she even pointed out that I’m getting married when I told her what I felt that night.”

Yunho pats his thigh as he had let out a deep sigh himself, “Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding?” Yunho knows it is.

“Even if it is, there’s no use in looking for her. I’m getting married tomorrow.”

“Damn it, Sannie. It’s hard to be you.” Yunho said chuckling a little bit and poured their empty glasses some more whiskey. “Since you said it yourself, you’re getting married tomorrow so there’s no harm in enjoying your last night as a single man until we reached our limits, right?”

San roamed his eyes to look at his other friends with their glasses of whiskey raised up and San couldn’t help but smile as he raised his own glass as well.

Wooyoung cheered, “Let’s get drunk tonight, yeah!”

They all laughed at their best friend’s antics and San couldn’t help but shake his head in amusement. He’s thankful for them.

The day has arrived.

Everyone was busy doing their last minute preparations. They decided to just hold the wedding in a private place but it’s still grandiose despite being so secluded, away from the public’s eyes.

On the other hand, the bride was too busy preparing herself for her big day. She was excited to experience this whole new world, expecting San to be an easy husband and fall for her immediately. Ayeon was in the middle of her pampering when a knock was heard on her door.

“Come in!” She answered enthusiastically.

The door opened only to reveal her sister, making her mood drop as the smile on her lips became a frown, “What the fuck do you want, bitch?”

Y/n just chuckled and went inside the room, “Just want to check up on you.”

“And why is that so?”

“Why,” Y/n said as she took a seat on one of the seats near the vanity, “Can I not see my baby sister before she gets sent off? Look after her as she steals everything away from me for the last time?”

Ayeon raised a brow and looked at y/n, “Are you out of your mind? What are you saying? Me? Stealing everything away from you?”

Y/n nodded enthusiastically and she stood up, going behind Ayeon and proceeded to comb her hair. She noticed her little sister stiffened a bit and she had to suppress a smirk, “I’m not out if my mind, Ayeonie.” She giggled and placed the brush on the side and leaned down her sister’s ear level, “In fact, don’t you think it’s my time to finally shine?”

A chilly feeling went through Ayeon’s spine as she looked at her sister through the mirror, the devilish smirk on her face was enough for her to shake in fear but it was soon replaced by a gentle smile.

What a two-faced bitch, she thought.

Y/n pats her little sister’s head, “Eat your breakfast well, Ayeonie. I’ll be taking my leave to prepare as well. I hope you enjoy the rest of the days.” She said as she opened the door, just in time to let the personal assistant to enter the room and serve her sister’s breakfast.

She couldn’t help but smirk as she made her way through where the wedding gown is settled, excited to wear it herself.

—

Y/n was, so far, enjoying the passing hours of the day before the wedding starts. She’s currently in the room assigned as her place to stay with Junseo and his cousin Yunho. They were talking about random things, specifically everything relatable and the similarities of their childhood.

They were sipping their red wines as they basked in the sun passing through the curtains, laughing out wholeheartedly.

Yunho then spoke after taking a sip on his wine glass, “When we were kids, San used to have a thing for collecting flowers.”

“Collecting flowers? Why?” Y/n asked, curiosity and amusement laced in her voice.

Yunho lets out a deep chuckle as he shook his head, “San never met his mother since she died after giving birth to him. It’s Seonghwa hyung’s mom who raised him and they always visit his mother’s grave. San noticed how Seonghwa hyung’s mom always leaves flowers on his mother’s grave and little Sannie just thought that ‘hey, maybe that flower is my mom!’ He thought of it like an offering to make his mother magically appear out of nowhere.”

Y/n couldn’t help the sad smile that appeared on her face, “That’s so wholesome.. yet sad..”

Yunho nodded in agreement as he continued to speak, “After finding out that his mother will no longer appear, no matter what, San never welcomes any women in his life thinking that they’ll also disappear just like how his mother was taken away from him without even letting him meet her.”

“The world is too cruel for him.” Y/n said solemnly as she stared at the red liquid in her glass.

“It really is, so imagine his pain when he thought you don’t feel the same for him.” Yunho said it so casually but it felt like y/n was hit by a ton of bricks.

“He thought I rejected him?”

“My friend is too much of a fool himself. I told him that it may just be an understanding but, eh, he’s stubborn.”

Y/n stared at Yunho for a while before she goes to speak, “Yunho, I—”

Suddenly, the door frantically opened, revealing Jaeseok and his girlfriend who’s panting harshly but the excitement in their eyes is evident.

“Y/n! The drug has taken effect, we locked Ayeon in her room. Come on, let’s get you glammed up!”

—

Preparing y/n did not take up too much time since she finished her makeup beforehand. Jaeseok’s girlfriend just did her hair, retouched the colors on her face and helped her wear the wedding gown.

When they were done, she looked at herself in the mirror, “Wow..”

“Really wow, y/n. It suits you more than it does to Ayeon. When she fitted that I couldn’t help but grimace because it doesn't suit her physique.”

“Well I guess I’m really meant to get married today.” She joked making laughter bounce through the room.

Mirae suddenly clapped and went through the bed where the veil lies and helps her put it on. “The fabric used for that veil is thicker than usual veils so they won’t recognize that it’s you.”

Y/n flashed her a smile, “Mirae, thank you so much for working hard.”

“You’re welcome bubs, it’s for you. Now let’s go, the wedding is about to start!”

—

They arrived at the wedding hall just in time before the wedding started. Y/n wasn’t able to hold a conversation with her own mom to which she was thankful or else she could’ve blown her cover.

The wedding march wasn’t that time consuming since only a few important people were asked to join the entourage. She started to feel nervous, her hands becoming clammy as she counted a slow 1,2,3 when the door opened, revealing the inside of the venue.

At the end, on the altar, was San. Her San, looking so different yet still dashingly handsome with his black hair slicked back, jaw tight and a serious expression in his face. Y/n started to walk, making sure that it’s not too slow or too fast.

The one to receive her hand in the middle of her march was Yunho which made her feel at ease a little bit. Even if they only met a few days ago, she couldn't decline the fact that Yunho has bought an oddly calming presence for her.

By the time they reached the altar, San, without a clue that it’s her, took her hand in Yunho’s hold and planted a kiss on it.

She knew she shouldn’t blow her cover but she couldn’t help but giggle at the gesture and she whispered, “Hi Sannie.”

San snaps his head towards her, eyes wide. He recognizes that voice. In the same volume, he whispered back, “Y/n?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“You’re Ms. Han’s daughter? I.. I thought your sister..”

“Shh, Sannie. The less we talk the faster we will be wedded.”

“Wait aren’t you supposed to remove your veil?” San whispered again making her elbow him at his side, shushing him.

“I can’t risk blowing my cover, I’m doing things illegally.” She answered making her groom pout, clearly unsatisfied. “But I want to see your pretty face.”

“Later, baby, when we kiss.” She answered back and it seemed to make San content as he finally shut up and they focused on the ceremony as it proceeded.

The whole thing was too fast, she did a lot of things like changing her voice and mimicking her sister’s mannerism so it wouldn’t be suspicious. But she knows she has to reveal herself to the public.

“Groom, you may now kiss the bride.”

And there it is.

San faced her with a smile on his face, “Now?” He asked, looking like an excited puppy. He was about to lift the veil when she stopped her.

“Wait, a few warnings, things will get messy.”

San smirked, “I know.”

With that, San lifted her veil, and she was met by an eyes full of love and happiness from the man in front of her. She couldn’t resist it anymore as she pulled him by the neck, kissing him full of love and want, to which San returned back as well.

Just as they pulled away from the kiss, her mother caused a scene, “You’re not Ayeon, where’s Ayeon?”

A collective gasp can be heard but she ignored it and nonchalantly answered, “Sleeping.”

The veins on her mom’s neck started to pop out, “What did you do to—”

Her mother’s exploding tantrums only stopped when San’s father placed a hand on her shoulder and calmly asked y/n, “Darling, who are you?”

She gave her mom a nasty look and said, “Wow, mom, you hid me so well. Too afraid to expose me because you know I’ll steal Ayeon’s spotlight and your lovely youngest daughter will be left with nothing?” She laughed in disbelief and proceeded to answer the question directed at her earlier, “I’m y/n l/n, Han Siwoo’s eldest daughter. She was carrying me when she made that deal with you.”

“Don’t believe her, Mr. Choi, she’s lying!” Her mom said but the panic in her eyes was enough message about the unveiling of the truth.

“If I’m lying is what I’m currently doing, then what do you call your own actions, Ms. Han?” She felt herself slipping into anger but she was held on her ground when she felt her husband squeeze her hand.

“You’ve destroyed my life ever since I was born, don’t you think it’s time for me to repay you in kind? Besides, the truth is more powerful than the lies you put up in people's minds. Even if Ayeon is in my place right now, everyone will still know the truth.” Y/n said and she added, “And besides, Mr. Choi didn’t specify which daughter right? Me and Ayeon are both qualified, it’s just that she’s not as clever as I am.”

She then glanced at San’s father, offering the man a smile, “It’s up to our decision on who you will believe, Mr. Choi. It’s either you kill me or kill her.”

Mr. Choi held his gaze at y/n for a while, the lady answering him back with the same intense stare until he decided to look away and look at y/n’s mother. “Ms. Han, you and your dirty lies.”

“Mr. Choi, I—”

“I thought when you offered your child in exchange, you'd give me your first born.”

“Ayeon is—”

“ I want the truth.” Mr Choi’s voice was dominant, leaving no space for any other argument.

She visibly deflates, “My second born.. Ayeon is my second born.”

The whole venue was quiet for a while and y/n couldn’t help but smirk, “Finally decided to reveal the truth huh. I’ve been waiting for 22 years.”

Whispers can be heard to the venue as disgusted stares were given to her mother. San’s father looked at her once again, “My dearest daughter-in-law, what do you want to do with your mother?”

Y/n contemplates for a while but she knows she has an answer to that.

Knowing that her life was in the hands of her cruel daughter, Ms. Han started to beg, “My baby y/n, you know I—”

She couldn’t stop herself from giggling as she pointed a finger at her mom, “Kill her.”

Her mother’s eyes widen as two men hold her in both arms as she screams, “Wait no, no! Y/n, you heartless bitch! I gave birth to you!”

Ms. Han’s pleas fell deaf in y/n’s ears as she muttered under her breath, “You only gave birth to me but didn’t give me the life I deserve.”

San seemed to hear that as he held her hand tighter, making her look at him only to see the same eyes filled with adoration, “It’s a new chapter for us, I’ll give you the life you deserve.”

She couldn’t help but giggle, planting a kiss on her now husband’s nose, “I didn’t know that meeting you within those three months is one of the signs that I’m going to spend the rest of my life time with you.”

“I love you, y/n.” San muttered softly, as if it’s their biggest secret.

A tear fell down on y/n’s eyes as she beamed at San, “I love you too, Sannie. I didn’t get to say that before.”

“Worry less, we have our lifetime together to say it whenever we want to.”

taglist: @gyubaby

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fluff #ateez san #ateez angst #ateez au #mafia!san #ateez mafia au #mafia!ateez #ateez choi san #choi san x reader #choi san

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lizacstuff · 3 years

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Your thoughts on the epi? And the trailers? I'm loving the in love Edser! We've waited so long for this!!!

This episode was so fun and fluffy! I don't know about you, but I am enjoying the tone during this second season. A lot. I don't care how stupid the audition process was for the spot in the school, it gave us some very good comedy and a lot of USTy, sexy, flirty goodness.

And like you, I also love in love Edser!

Thankfully this episode was dominated by Edser, and with Kiraz at Granny's house we even got some alone time. The supporting characters were used to good effect this episode, Engin and Piril were the funniest they've ever been, Kerem and Pina served to poke Serkan about his mentoring style, and it was actually nice to have an excuse for Ayfer and Aydan to share a storyline again.

(more under the cut)

However, we'll start with Burak and Melo. UGH. I mean I love Melo and Elcin has done a really good job of showing Melo's heartbreak and trying to hide her melancholy behind her usual bubbly personality, but I really can't stand that it's over such a dud of a character. I know I'm a broken record here but Melo deserves better than this fool. Honestly, he's such a bland sad sack I don't really get why Melo loves him, Eda wants to be friends with him and Ayfer thinks he's so great she wants him for a nephew-in-law. Well, for Ayfer the only qualification is that he's not Serkan, so never mind that question.

However, maybe there's some hope? Before this episode it seemed certain they were heading in a romance direction, but the way he told her she was like a sister to him? Is there really any coming back from him saying that after he remembered kissing her? On the other hand we're barreling towards the end here and there's not really enough time to introduce anyone new for Melo (and no indication from spoilers that they have) and I'm pretty sure Ayse and the writers want to give her a romantic happy ending (although I'd be fine if they didn't and instead had her go off and do something entirely for herself like go back to school or travel or open a shop). So we'll see, because even with the sister line they left some room open because Kerem was the one who suggested he say that (it wasn't necessarily his own idea) and with Melo he seemed to be coming from a place where he assumed he had forced himself on her and she was angry because she didn't want it. Which we know is not true, so might be a misunderstanding that leads to something more. Anyway, I guess we'll just have to endure whichever way they go.

Personally, I like the Serkan-Kemal father storyline. I think it's a good way to add a bit of drama in the waning episodes, gives Serkan a bit of an identity crisis, interestingly mirrors his own situation with Kiraz, and it just makes sense with everything we know of the characters. Because were we seriously supposed to believe that someone as sniveling as Alptelkin sired Serkan? I mean Serkan is the epitome of BDE, he has an inherent charismatic and commanding presence. Sorry to the actor who played Alptekin, but he didn't really have any kind of presence, however Sinan who plays Kemal, does. They've done a great job of casting, because it just feels true. I believe Kemal and Serkan share genetics.

However, even before that storyline starts in earnest, it's interesting that Serkan was being a big baby, not wanting his mom with a man she clearly loves. I wish Eda would have pushed back at him a little more when he was going off that Aydan shouldn't pursue love at her age! Does he think he'll be out of love with Eda by the time he's in his 50s and 60s? Of course not! I'm guessing Eda, though, is just letting him blow off some steam and come to accept the relationship on his own terms. Don't get me wrong, though, after all the meddling Aydan's done with Edser, she more than deserves to have Serkan's opinion of Kemal negatively impact her!

Loved that Kiraz and Can found out first that Kemal is Serkan's father! Cat is out of the bag, Aydan, you can't make a deal with a 5 year old, lmao. It put a nice ticking clock on the whole thing and gave us some good comedic moments where Kiraz is speaking the truth and everyone thinks she's just really fond of the dude. Hee.

Also I enjoyed the Aydan and Ayfer moments. To be honest, I also used to enjoy their true friendship moments when we got them, like when Kemal first appeared and Aydan was freaking out and needed Ayfer and Seyfi around her, and when they were trying to hunt down Deniz after the fake wedding turned real. After so much animosity, it was nice that Ayfer recognized that Aydan was truly in distress and needed a friend and they were able to actually talk. Also we got some (mildly) funny comedy with the two of them and the school lady. Speaking of Ayfer, thankfully she finally realized some consequences to her actions in pushing Burak at Eda. She hurt Melo! Glad she finally opened her eyes to see what should have been obvious to her (Eda never saw him that way, and Melo obviously did) and apologized to Melo. I'd like it if she would apologize to Eda as well, (and Burak deserves an apology as well because she most definitely gave him false hope) but since Eda wasn't influenced by her we probably won't see that.

Switching to Eda and Serkan this episode gave us lots of good stuff. This was a great episode for showing us where each of them stood. Eda is terrified of getting hurt and trying to hold him at arm's length even while he clearly is inching back into her heart, and Serkan is dreaming of their future together, and taking every opportunity to tie them together. How much did I love Serkan admitting he was poking at Eda, and doig things to make her angry, just so she would talk to him? Interesting that he's doing it and love that he's being honest and admitting it to her. One of my favorite relationship dynamics between them is around "talking." In the very beginning Serkan did a lot of complaining about how much Eda talked and how she never shut up, but starting around episode 18 all he wanted was for Eda to talk to him. And this is just more of that. The thing he wants most is to talk to her.

Plus watching domestic Edser is just so much fun, I could watch their full grocery shopping trip in real time and be perfectly happy, lol. At the age of 35 it's time that Serkan learn how to do a few things for himself, I don't care how rich he is, so it's nice that we see him evolving a bit as he embraces the dad role.

The jealousy gambits, even as mild as they are, are getting pretty eye roll worthy since Eda and Serkan are living together, care so much, and obviously are still so hot for one another. It's a bit more understandable from Serkan since Eda is the one creating the barrier between them, but are we really supposed to believe that Eda is jealous of Deniz when Serkan is so obviously in love with Eda and planning their future together? Especially when he clearly can't stand Deniz and tries so hard to avoid her? I suppose it's to show us that Eda is in a jumbled state, her head is trying to keep space with Serkan, while her heart wants him badly and is scared he's going to take her rejections seriously. Even so it was quite irrational for her to get angry at Serkan for having lunch with Deniz when she ordered him to leave with her. Poor Eda is in emotional turmoil.

It was hard to tell with shaky translations, but I guess Serkan claimed to have been injured while rescuing Eda and that's how he talked his way into her bed? Impressively done, Serkan. Love it because it meant we all got to wake up to snuggly family, snuggling together. This gave us another glimpse into Eda's psyche, she wakes up first, and is clearly enjoying it and feeling at home in his arms, until the sleep clears enough and her head realizes she's not supposed to be enjoying it. But once again Kiraz knows how to handle her parents and their complicated relationship beautifully and fixes everything with a pillow fight. That is one smart cookie.

One of my favorite moments of the episode is when Eda is trying to convince Serkan to go to Aydan about the school. Eda knows that her big eyes still work on him, and they did. He still can't say no to her, another one of my favorite relationship dynamics of theirs. I'm super glad some things never change. Speaking of their visit to Aydan's, how great that they went to meet the horse without a name as a family, and then Serkan finally came up with the perfect name. Definitely a star.

Love, love, love that Serkan and Eda beat Engin and Piril when it came to the 'how well do you know your spouse' game. They may have been separated for 5 years, but they both have a genuine interest in the other, so they remember things, and they always made a much more compatible couple than Engin/Piril who have absolutely nothing in common. Of course I adored all the fake married hijinx this gave us, not to mention all the opportunities for Serkan to touch, kiss, and hold her. SO MUCH UST!

The heart-to-heart on the bench was well done and it finally gave us Eda opening up and telling him what's been holding her back. She's scared. Of course she is, the poor thing. Serkan might have thought he was doing it for her own good both times, but he ripped her heart out twice (not even counting all the heart ripping he did during amnesia) how could she not have fears? Of course she's afraid! Whenever she lets herself love him and be loved by him, it's ripped away horribly, and often in ways that feels like it's him doing the ripping. She can take into consideration the circumstances, which she has or else he wouldn't be anywhere near her, and still need time to be sure she's not just setting herself up to get emotionally demolished again.

For Serkan's part all he can do is keep being there, being honest with her, and showing he's in it for the long haul, which I think he's doing and which is why they are where they are at the end of this episode.

Engin and Piril's dance practice is probably the first Engin/Piril alone scene that I thought was genuinely funny and fully enjoyable. I can't think of another... message me if you think there is one, lol. Elsewhere, I saw some folks saying that Engin and Piril should have won the dance competition, because they actually danced, and Eda and Serkan didn't. LOL, you think? I'm pretty sure that was the point. That Eda and Serkan didn't really dance, all they did was get up there and turn their sexual tension and intense smoldering towards one another up to eleventy and won because it's that powerful.

It's sort of a metaphor for this whole series. Sen Cal Kapimi is 100% powered by their chemistry. Of course they can win any competition by just pressing their bodies against one another! They can turn a ditzy Turkish summer romcom that probably should have gone 13 eps into an international hit that's going on 50 episodes, just by looking at one another.

I'm glad that the school officials overheard their conversations and dismissed them, any organization that requires this of the parents, is going to be a lifelong pain-in-the ass, lmao. Also it was good to see Edser and EnPir make up by the end.

Now, on to that ending. I'm glad the subject of the tatoos was brought up, interesting that Eda kept hers until a few months ago. Also interesting that she moved it... can't blame Serkan for wanting to see it. Was that one great seduction line, or what?

I join with everyone who thinks it was a slightly awkward place to leave the episode. We only have 13 (probably) episodes this season, and we've only had one kiss so far. That was definitely a moment for a kiss. Part of me thinks they were going for the cliffhanger, what will Eda do? Will she kiss him or slam the door in his face? Tune in next week to find out! Except that audiences have to wait no time at all for the fragman and that makes any such cliffhanger moot. So what's the point? Have her pull him in, kiss him, and the show can end with them passionately making out and the door slamming with the camera outside the house.

Oh well, it is what it is, and we can only hope they pick up next week right where they left off. As for the fragman, obviously they are fully back together for this episode which means she lets him in to hunt for her tattoo. (please oh please give us that internet ozel because I don't think I can stand being online in this fandom if they don't. Thankfully I'm traveling next week and will be too busy to spend much time on twitter.)

As I said in another ask, I'm not surprised Serkan is barreling them straight towards marriage. When you know, you know, so why wait? Once they emotionally commit to one another, they need to just get married. No waiting for psychos to interfere, family to meddle, or tragedy to strike!

Seriously can't wait for a full episode of them together and Serkan figuring out how to propose. I'm also looking forward to the Kemal/Serkan stuff, it will be interesting to see how he reacts once the news sets in... should be a great episode!

#Sen Çal Kapımı #Sen Cal kapimi #edser #sckask #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #sck 2x46 #serkan bolat #asklizac #architecture

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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years

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handmaid - prelude

PAIRING: mob!sebastian stan x ingenue!reader

WARNINGS: age gap

A/N: i’m so excited to be starting this fanfic a bit sooner than expected, but i’ve been outlining it since i finished the outline and end for the unseen one and decided to go ahead with it when i saw a nice pink aesthetic board. i hope you enjoy the prelude, let me know what you think xx

NEXT CHAPTER

handmaid: a female servant, a subservient partner or element.

The lights were unusual shades of blue, green, and red. That was the first thing she noticed as she walked inside the club Genevieve had picked for her last night of freedom, as she called it. Of course the lights weren’t the only thing that was bothering Y/N: the loud music which made it impossible to have a civil regular conversation, the heels that were too tall and did not belong to her, the equally borrowed tight see through black dress, the long earrings that got tangled in her hair whenever she slightly turned her head to the side, the constant on/off rhythm of the lights and the need to squeeze between a sea of people to get anywhere were some of the things that made her want to return home, curl in a nice thick cozy throw and watch TV until her eyes were too heavy to remain open.

Nevertheless, she was to be constantly by Genevieve’s, or Gwen as she preferred to be called, side, mostly by her father’s orders. Therefore, here she was in a Friday night, dressed in mostly Gwen’s hand me downs that would normally lay in a cardboard box in the back of her wardrobe. Soon enough, Gwen had found herself a nice booth, after all being the daughter and apparent heir to the west mob family had its perks. Sometimes, even more perks than dangers.

- Oh, Y/N this is Nathan. - Gwen introduced her to one of the man that were sat at her booth. He was the picture perfect look of man she normally surrounded herself with, the type of man you would see in a teen sitcom with plump skin and a Californian-like vibe to them. It wasn’t exactly a hard job for her to attract them either as the young heiress was, in a word, stunning. Her unruly red locks were constantly slicked back in a straight hairstyle, dark makeup and a red pout constantly got her whatever she wanted. However, tonight she was kissing all of that goodbye as first thing in the morning, she would finally be formally presented to that who was to be her husband.

It had been arranged way before Gwen had even been born and despite the glamourisation and complete debauchery seen in most mobster movies Y/N had grown up watching, most weddings occurred that way, planned. This one in particular was a special one considered the Stan family mafia and Gwen’s had been sworn enemies until the day she was born when her father signed her hand away. It was mostly a tactic to unite both families in a way that was very permanent. Y/N had learned not to be shocked about it, however, she still didn’t like to think of two grown men deciding the future of a unborn baby girl as if she were currency. Yet again, she was a woman and since she had an older brother, who despite working as a doctor and giving up on the lifestyle ages ago was still pretty much the one expected to take on the mob boss title, she was either to life in complete bliss or to get married.

Her betrothed however was a completely different story. Gwen wasn’t much to talk about either, saying that they had met once when she was eighteen at a formal her father had thrown and that he had pretty much ignored her the whole night, so most of what Y/N knew about him came from rumours. The Stan mob family had quite a reputation, specially when it came to hits and their associates, however they were always somehow shrouded in mystery. Sebastian Stan himself was one to adore that sort of aura, so much that despite it all, Y/N had never seen him or knew what he looked like. She knew him to be older than Gwen, with a sharp tongue and a certain allure that attracted bottom feeders, but other than that, she knew nothing.

- Gwen, we should probably go home. - she urged, constantly checking her phone and watching the hour number increase as if time was nothing. However, the young girl had no absolute interest in going home, specially when she had found herself a rather interesting company. - Gwen, your father is gonna be mad.

- If you’re so worried about my father then don’t question me. - Gwen returned to her flirtatious conversation with the blonde boy, leaving Y/N to huff, grab the pink sugary drink she’d been drinking for the past two hours, and venture herself in the club, they sure probably had a smoking lounge which led to some sort of air she could inhale. In all honesty, even inhaling smoke sounded better than inhaling the smells of the main floor.

Weak on her feet due to the oversized and worn out heels, she made her way through the crowd, her eyes paying no help at finding any sort of stairs of doors that would led to some sort of freedom due to the constant blinking lights. Defeated, she decided it would be better to return to Gwen before she decided to abandon her for Malibu Ken however, Y/N quickly found herself in the middle of the dance floor being pushed from side to side. Whenever she tried to walk some way, the sea of people would make her walk the other way like some helpless puppet until she hit something rock hard, spilling her drink and sending her crashing to the floor. She felt her chest hit the coloured blinking ground hard, and had it not been for her own hands holding onto the floor, her head would’ve ping ponged off the pavement too.

Nevertheless, none of that mattered because what first came in sight as she looked ahead were what looked like a very nice pair of leathered shoes which made her face pale and her heart stop. She had spilled her drink on someone. No, not just someone. Someone either rich or with enough connections to get inside one of the most elite clubs of all of New York.

Y/N looked up, not completely being able to make up every single feature of his face but being able to make up that it was a man, a much taller man who probably did not have a smile on his face. At the thought of being screamed at or thrown out, she immediately rushed to her feet, noticing the big pinkish stain spreading on what looked like a pristine crisp cotton dress shirt. Her hands flew to the napkin holders in one of the tables, immediately grabbing enough tissues to clean a whole country only to dab the drink out of his shirt, her heart racing as nothing came out of it.

- I’m so sorry. - she probably said for the 100th time, tissues bunched in her hands as she finally got a good look of his face. He had an unreadable look on what she thought was probably the single most gorgeous face she had ever seen in her whole entire life, and that was something coming out of someone who had met half the models at Paris Fashion Week with Gwen. It was somehow being stoic and classic, like a 50′s mysterious Marlon Brando. He stopped her motions, grabbing the tissues from her hand and placing it at the bar. That was it, this is how I die, Y/N thought to herself. - I’m so sorry, I’m ... I can pay for the shirt, I really didn’t mean to spill it on you. I just wanted to get some air but everything is confusing here and ...

- It’s alright, angel. - the man raised his hands, showing no harm but still maintaining an aura of mystery, almost as if she wasn’t supposed to be talking to him.

- I have to return to my friend. - she stumbled onto her feet, praying not to fall in front of anyone else as he looked at her leaving. She was just a doll and he couldn’t help but observe as she got lost in the middle of the crowd like a sheeps in a wolf’s den. He was hypnotised by her figure in that god awful oversized dress, thinking about how beautiful it would look draped on his floor, how radiant her eyes appeared looking up at him ..

- Everything alright, boss? - his view of the crowd was obstructed, the clear sight of her disappearing and being replaced by the ugly mug of one of his men. Had he had his gun with him, he would’ve been laying on a pool of his own blood right now. - We saw the girl and ...

- And now you’re gonna go fucking look for her. Invite her to the VIP room, don’t keep me waiting. - he watched as they rushed into the crowd like headless chickens looking for a girl they barely got a look of. He snickered, taking a step forward to return to the only place where it didn’t stink of cheap liquor. He stopped, noticing he had stepped on something and slowly moved his feet away to see a small dainty necklace with a pendant that looked like some sort of bird. The man scrunched his face as he lowered to grab the chain, probably some cheap metal, before sticking it in his pocket, taking a quick look of the crowd.

Y/N meanwhile was being dragged out of the sleazy club by Gwen who was no longer interested in her boy toy. The girl couldn’t lie, she was happy she was being dragged away from the club, however, rushing down the street in oversized heels. Due to the rush of exercise and adrenaline coursing through her blood and turning her rather breathless which led to her putting her hand over her chest and noticing the lack of her necklace’s chain.

- Wait, Gwen. - she stopped the heiress before they could get inside the car where the chauffeur had been patiently waiting their arrival. - My necklace, I don’t have my necklace.

- Maybe you didn’t bring it, Y/N. - the redhead spoke up, already inside the car, phone in hand. - C’mon, it’s probably home.

- I’m sure I brought it.

- You’re worrying too much, c’mon. - Gwen patted the leather seat of the car. The young girl took a long full look at the club, Gwen was probably right, maybe she didn’t bring the necklace. With a quick motion, she closed the door of the car, watching as the club became more and more distant.

A memory.

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan/reader #sebastian stan/you #sebastian stan/y/n #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan drabble #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan AU #sebastian stan reader insert #mob!sebastian stan #mob boss!sebastian stan #mob boss AU #ingenue!reader

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kolachess · 3 years

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DMBJ 2010 Nangongling Interview Translated

I’ve finally (poorly) translated the infamous Nangongling interview with Nanpai Sanshu (aka Xu Lei, author of DMBJ)!

This is where that famous quote, ‘My lifetime, in exchange for you a decade of innocence and purity’ comes from. More on that here.

Interview Context: First off, in case you don’t already know, NPSS started DMBJ off as a fanfiction. And more on that here. Hence, his style of engagement with fans will be much more direct and why he’s very... knowing of the fandom world. And why the interview does not hesitate to ask about pingxie.

This interview seems to have been conducted somewhere on the internet in 2010 or nearing it. Although I couldn’t find more confirmation on its ‘authenticity’ so to speak, I also haven’t seen anything to the contrary that this might be made up. (Chinese internet is a strange, strange place...)

Here’s the version I’m basing this off of.

Translation Context:

Ok first, I’m a native Chinese speaker, but grew up in the US and not fluent in reading / writing. I am not at all familiar with a lot of idioms, let alone internet slang and pop culture references (of which there are a lot in this interiew), so there will be a lot of guessing. Anyone who knows better, free free to point it out.

Text Legend:

Parenthesis indicate actions / reactions. E.g. (smiles awkwardly)

[TN: ...] are my notes

[??? some words ???] indicate major uncertainty in translations

== or =w= and such symbols are emojis from the interviewer

Original text sometimes had random forward slashes in between what seems should be one word / term. My guess is it might be to skirt censorship?

Names Context:

They use a lot of different ways to refer to the various characters and NPSS

The interviewer calls NPSS ‘Your Majesty’ or ‘Sanshu’ a lot. But Sanshu can also refer to Wu Sanxing... so it gets confusing a bit.

Zhang Qiling can be anything from Menyouping to Pingzi to Lao Meng to Meng... just... anytime there’s ‘Meng’ or ‘Ping’ or ‘Zhang’ it’s safe to assume they’re referring to ZQL.

Wu Xie is often just Wu Xie or Tianzhen

Nangongling is the name of the interviewer

Interviewer:

Interviewer: Your Majesty, come interview. After this, we’ve got to sleep.

NPSS: OK. Let’s go. Be gentle.

Interviewer: Oh Your Majesty, you’re so shy.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, is DMBJ ultimately a tragic or happy ending?

NPSS: For some, a tragedy. For some, a regular drama. For some, a comedy. For some, an absurdity.

Interviewer: That’s no different from not answering! ==

NPSS: But that’s the correct answer.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What’s the relationship between Tianzhen and ‘It’? Your Majesty, care to give a spoiler? ==

NPSS: No relationship. [TN: ‘No relationship’ and ‘No problem’ are the same phrase, hence the subsequent answer.]

Interviewer: Then go ahead and tell us. =w=

NPSS: No relationship.

Interviewer: … No relationship?

NPSS: Yup. No relationship.

Interviewer: … ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu about the plan for DMBJ, when might you finish it?

NPSS: 2010.

NPSS: The problem is…

Interviewer: What?

NPSS: There is an unexpected situation.

Interviewer: Don’t give us cliffhanger sentences. Just tell us. ==

NPSS: Maybe [??? Something about being possessed ???]. I might work on it till 2050.

Interviewer: Hey!

NPSS: It’s great.

Interviewer: Might as well make it a Gundam series. [TN: Gundam is referring to the Japanese anime series. I guess they’re making a joke about how he should turn it into a never ending universe / entire franchise.]

NPSS: Conan never grows up. Wu Xie will never get old either. [TN: Conan is referring to Detective Conan, another Japanese anime series.]

NPSS: Even when you all become old, Wu Xie in the book will still be pursuing the answer to all the mysteries.

Interviewer: And if it’s with Lao Meng forever mutually loving and caring, then we have no objections.

NPSS: Fifty years, Golden Wedding [TN: Think he’s referring to Golden Wedding as the 50th anniversary].

Interviewer: Yes, yes. Don’t know if there will be a son. (Tea) (Silence) [TN: I guess the actions indicate ‘sipping tea awkwardly in silence’]

Interviewer: Alright, His Majesty has become shy. Let’s continue onto the next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what the Menyouping’s ending will be? Will he find his memories? Continue to live on? Your Majesty can’t because of Classmate 370 [TN: Rumors are this is NPSS’s classmate? Potential prototype for ZQL? See ref.] once scorned your [??? finger ???], you end up holding a grudge?

NPSS: Whether or not you can ‘fujoshi’ for 50 years is uncertain. [TN: Word is ‘fu’, which literal = ‘rotten’; but refers to fujoshi. AKA he’s questioning how long they’ll ship pingxie for.]

Interviewer: No worries. In the future, there will appear a lot of Li Yinhe grannies. [TN: Seems to refer to this LGBTQ activist.]

NPSS: Hands / feet have not fallen off, OK? [TN: I’m not sure what this is referring to lol. Maybe some play on the rotten nature of fujoshi.]

Interviewer: Hands / feet… the whole body?

NPSS: The meaning of ‘entirely not fallen off’ is ‘entirely not fallen off’. [TN: Idk I’m lost...]

Interviewer: … ==

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your resentment for 370 is too deep…

NPSS: Menyouping’s ending will definitely surprise you all. It’s definitely not something that can be conceptually considered at all.

Interviewer: Could it be that he really will be mutually loving and caring with Tianzhen? == It’s not in concept…

NPSS: Hn. That’s a nice thought. [TN: Tone reads a little like ‘ha, as if’.]

NPSS: Like, turn him into a woman or something. Or is it Wu Xie who turns into a woman?

NPSS: “Actually, I’m a flat-chested Mary Sue.” [TN: Lol, yes. They refer to Mary Sue omg.]

Interviewer: … hey now… == Speaking of Mary Sues, after Yun Cai is it Xiu Xiu? Your Majesty, you wouldn’t gift Yun Cai to Lao Meng, and Xiu Xiu to Wu Xie, right? ==

NPSS: Maybe I’ll write Lily stories. [TN: I think Lily stories refers to femslash / stories between two females.]

NPSS: Don’t underestimate my pervertedness.

Interviewer: I’ve never underestimated it… (serious)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what Sanshu’s current weight is? Are you losing weight? Hahahah (Hands akimbo)

NPSS: Now it’s probably a little less than 200 jin. [TN: ~220 pounds.] I’m always in the middle of losing weight, but fat really likes me.

Interviewer: Your Majesty, you should continue to make effort to cosplay Pangzi.

NPSS: I think I will exceed Pangzi’s category soon, cosplay a huge monster instead.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: When will the DMBJ movie be released? Who will play Pingzi? To be honest, I don't want to watch. ==

NPSS: Probably around 2015. I don’t know. Hope it’s not [??? black people ???]. [TN: Yeah that’s what it says, but idk if it’s a reference to type of personalities or it actually is referring to skin color. Wouldn’t surprise me if it were a racist remark. China, sigh.]

Interviewer: Could it be there really will be a movie?

NPSS: Probably.

Interviewer: In America?

NPSS: I can’t say I understand / know Hollywood’s situation.

Interviewer: So it’s America… (Tears running) Too tragic!

NPSS: Hei Xiaoge [TN: Lol I think he’s saying a black young lad] is also not bad.

Interviewer: No! No! No!

NPSS: A-ning has already been designated the female lead by a foreign scriptwriter.

Interviewer: Oooh ~~~ We don’t want to see ghosts ~~~ [TN: Idk what this expression is…]

NPSS: Little D might be able to accept. [TN: Idk who Little D is… might just be a slang way of writing ‘little brother’, in which case, I still don’t know if that’s referring to himself or someone else.]

Interviewer: I guess he will squeak along with me. [TN: Again… I’m lost.] Nope cannot anymore. Next question.

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Interviewer: Will there be romance?

NPSS: [??? Eloquent love ???] will have porn scenes.

Interviewer: … who and who?

NPSS: Not sure yet. One party should not be human.

Interviewer: Heavy tastes, Your Majesty.

NPSS: Tentacles.

Interviewer: …… Your Majesty, are you playing some XXOO games recently? [TN: I’m just gonna assume some hentai shit here.]

NPSS: Nope. Haven’t played in a long time. Got any good suggestions?

Interviewer: [??? The imperial doctor has ghost glasses ???] [TN: Guess it’s the title?] Try it (rubs hands).

NPSS: I’m currently still holding out strong.

Interviewer: Gee… what a pity.

NPSS: You can train your boyfriend.

Interviewer: He’s already very calm.

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Interviewer: Pingzi is so good to Wu Xie, any particular reason? I mean deep underlying reason? For example, knowing the truth about Wu Xie’s life / existence or something. Or being entrusted by Wu Xie’s family or something. Or he thinks he’s brought Wu Xie harm and wants to redeem himself or something.

NPSS: Just doesn’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Huh? What?

NPSS: Don’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Disturb what?

NPSS: Tianzhen Wu Xie [TN: Remember, this means ‘innocent, naive, and pure’]. The prompt is very deep now. [TN: Sounds like he’s saying he’s given a deep hint now.]

Interviewer: Oh (Actually someone who doesn’t really understand). [TN: GLAD I’M NOT ALONE! IT’S NOT A TRANSLATION ISSUE!]

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Interviewer: Are there new Lunar New Year Celebratory Extras this year? [TN: NPSS writes occasional extras, and often will publish on special occasions like Lunar New Year.]

NPSS: 2010’s publishing work was too heavy. Can’t celebrate. I even wrote the outline already.

Interviewer: That’s such a pity. What about Tibetan Sea Flower. I’m still waiting for the lama that has JQ with Lao Meng. [TN: They use the term JQ here… seems like slang for something like bromance.]

NPSS: Ah little living Buddha… probably can’t write. [TN: Yeah idk what that really means…] Due to religious issues, living Buddha’s chrysanthemum is very sensitive. Huge crawling creatures will come and bombard. [TN: IDK BUT CHRYSANTHEMUMS ARE OFTEN EUPHEMISMS FOR THE ANUS AND GAY BUTT SEX SO IDK.]

Interviewer: Hey… ==

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Interviewer: Qinling Sacred Tree arc was too mysterious. Will Sanshu later be connected to the Sacred Tree? If so, how will you do it? I think DMBJ is not as thrilling / exciting as before. Can you still return to that previous style?

NPSS: There are no plans at present to connect Qinling. I need to settle Meng first. The core of what’s being written is his business. The excitement of DMBJ is not found in the novel but in the heart of the reader. The reader will upgrade / improve while reading.

Interviewer: Is that so… (Eats late night food) [TN: Idk what this expression means.]

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Interviewer: Will you still publish new books and dig new plot holes? == Besides this official vest of Nanpai Sanshu, do you have anything else? Like diving party? == [TN: Yeah idk what that means…]

NPSS: Doesn’t returning to the original style of writing offer you some thrilling / excitement? Your heart has already upgraded, it’s just that the novel is still like that.

Interviewer: Heart! ==||| [TN: Yes, this is another face lol]

NPSS: There’s still some more. Like Nangongling. [TN: Name of the interviewer, but I have no idea what this means.]

Interviewer: The watch drags me underwater. [TN: I got nothing *shrugs*.]

NPSS: Actually are we answering our own questions?

Interviewer: Haha, fun right?

NPSS: Indeed. Could it be a split personality? Never thought my hidden personality is a Fujoshi. Tragedy.

Interviewer: Hey I didn’t say my hidden personality was a perverted uncle yet. (Two bored idiots stare in silence for a few seconds)

Interviewer: Enough. Next.

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Interviewer: Pingzi’s age… is it ‘uncle’ or ‘grandpa’? Anyway, I know it’s not ‘brother’. [TN: They’re referring to which generation basically.]

NPSS: Taizu Grandfather [TN: Basically hella old… great-great-great-great-great-grandfather?]

Interviewer: Wow… paleontology relic?

NPSS: Age must be in the triple digits.

Interviewer: Old monster! I like it! Just afraid that next to Tianzhen, he seems younger (talking to self)

NPSS: Tianzhen is even older. Quadruple digits.

Interviewer: Really is younger? ==

NPSS: They all end up in the museum display.

Interviewer: Does it cost anything to visit? Museums are now free / open to visit.

NPSS: After hour events charge fees. There are special programs, but the TV station will not allow them to be broadcasted.

Interviewer: Strip tease / dancing?

NPSS: No. It’s the old monster [TN: Probably referring to ZQL] performing Xiangsheng [TN: Some Chinese duo comedy schtick]. Xie Ling [TN: I think this is Wu Xie + Zhang Qiling?] social / not-famous Xiangsheng actors.

Interviewer: Looks like it will be Two-Person Turn Opera [TN: Idk if there is an English term for this… but another type of skit it seems.]

NPSS: Wear the dancing shoes. [TN: I think it’s just this?]

Interviewer: … It’s so cold… Your Majesty…

NPSS: Zhang Wenling, Wu Wenxie [TN: Lol I guess this would be their comedy stage names. It’s extra / intentionally stupid because all he did was insert ‘wen’ which means ‘literature’.]

Interviewer: Enough… Don’t worry about this anymore. I’m gonna move onto the next question.

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Interviewer: Is Wu Xie the most tragic character in the entire novel? Is it inevitable that, between him and Pingzi, one of them will have to die in the end?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s fate as the most tragic is a set tragedy, but Lao Zhang doesn’t have it easy either.

Interviewer: And then?

NPSS: Delayed the inevitable tragedy.

Interviewer: And then they encountered tragedy together?

NPSS: Using [his] own lifetime to exchange you another decade of innocence and purity.

Interviewer: … (wailing) (too stunned) Lao Meng [??? became the Virgin Mary???] (smashes wall)

NPSS: I also want to get a cult.

Interviewer: Does Lao Meng really not have a crush on Tianzhen? It can’t continue like this. DMBJ is still a serious / proper drama after all.

NPSS: Nah. It’s serious / proper.

Interviewer: But what you said is crooked.

NPSS: Alright. Then let’s put it this way.

Interviewer: How?

NPSS: Comrade Zhang Qiling sacrificed his own time to save and prevent the disillusionment of a youth who was about to go astray. [TN: Yeah… not too sure about the implications of this.]

Interviewer: …. Your Majesty, you [??? use soulmates ???] [TN: I’m really not sure about this… context and definitions I found seems to indicate it’s a soulmate like thing, but also used kind of queerbaity?]

NPSS: I’ve been working real closely with soulmate recently.

Interviewer: We can tell. Next question. Best leave some room for free thought.

NPSS: It’d be fine if you just don’t post it.

Interviewer: This is iron proof of JQ! [TN: Again, some internet slang for bromance / malexmale CPs or something.]

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Interviewer: Are all the incomprehensible things that happened so far man-made? Or will it be explained by the supernatural?

NPSS: There’s nothing incomprehensible.

Interviewer: Probably in reference to Qinling.

NPSS: Oh. Doesn’t that count as a spoiler?

Interviewer: … then let’s skip again. Actually, I thought you already forgot about Qinling.

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Interviewer: What is Pangzi’s little secret?

NPSS: Xiao Pang’s [TN: Little Fat’s] tragic past.

Interviewer: What… Pangzi is also quite tragic.

NPSS: Probably a ‘fought with his best friend over a woman and was hurt very badly’ kind of relationship. Pangzi had a very simple but tragic love.

Interviewer: Sad…. == You really can’t tell…

NPSS: A woman he promised to take care of for a lifetime and a brother he can’t help but save.

Interviewer: Pangzi has sublimed (victory fist] [TN: I assume ‘sublime’, which literally means converting from solid directly to gas, is just representative of a massive promotion or rise into awesomeness.]

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Interviewer: I’m always thinking of Ershu’s mysterious air. Does he know a lot of things that others don’t? I also want to know what Wu Xie’s dad does.

NPSS: [??? Location scouting ???]

Interviewer: Ershu?

NPSS: He knows some.

Interviewer: Then what about his dad.

NPSS: Location scouting. Totally innocent. Just like Jesus’s old man.

Interviewer: What kind analogy is that… == Next.

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Interviewer: Hey Sanshu, on Dec 9, 2009 at 02:58 in the morning I dreamt of you. Did you dream of me? …. == Your Majesty, your fans [TN: Yeah idk.]

NPSS: That night I seem to have pulled an all-nighter. I wouldn’t mind dreaming again tonight.

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Interviewer: Will Pingzi eventually return to being a normal human? Live on from the age of 18? Has he had a lover / children before? Yun Cai? Is Pangzi the boss or the person coming to supervise the boss (Tianzhen)?

Interviewer: Lao Meng… I’ve long since been speechless towards him. By the way, was he always this kind of stone in the latrine? [TN: I guess a saying about how he’s stuffy and expressionless per usual.]

NPSS: No. It used to be really bad.

Interviewer: …How bad…

NPSS: Like a Tibetan horse. [TN: Lol this is the literal translation but when I Googled it, Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho came up and hahaha I guess it kind of makes sense as an analogy?]

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your definition of really bad is Kurama’s level huh…= =|| So he wasn’t born latrine stone… [TN: Ok, so background on Kurama - an infamous fox demon thief escaped into the body of a newborn child because his spirit was weakened after being hunted, and so he cohabits the body with this boy… I’m not entirely sure of the reference jousting here.]

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Interviewer: What happens to Pangzi in the end?

NPSS: Dies of old age.

Interviewer: How mundane!

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Interviewer: We want to know when DMBJ 7 will be finished?

NPSS: 3/15-20 complete.

Interviewer: (Recommends to everyone not to believe… ==)

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Interviewer: Sanshu, will someone die at the end of DMBJ? (Alright I only care about MengMeng and Tianzhen and believe Pangzi will definitely not be killed off). Also, just how many volumes will there be?

Interviewer: How many die, I also want to know. [TN: Lol they also use the counter word not for humans, but… something else?].

NPSS: There will be someone half-dead. Because it’s a grave-robbing novel, dying completely will never happen. A-ning died and still comes around often, right? [TN: Lol I’m not entirely sure what this is in reference to… first part he’s making a joke that people can become zombies, but second part… I don’t really recall A-ning coming back? Unless he means in mentions? Then again I’m still making my way through the novels.] Just that you go from hero to villain. I still haven’t decided how many to kill off. Anyways for the last volume, with the exception of Wu Xie, [??? anyone can be killed ???].

Interviewer: …Just kill everyone why don’t you; it’s easier. (self-destruct) ==

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Interviewer: May we ask Sanshu, will Pingzi have emotional drama in the future?

NPSS: No. No time / effort for that, and communication skills are limited.

Interviewer: Ahaha….

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Interviewer: Normally, will Sanshu come check out our Tieba? [TN: Kind of like Chinese reddit I believe?] Do you know the Warm Fox? [TN: I did a quick search, seems like a big fandom name that interprets a lot of the DMBJ stuff.]

NPSS: Don’t know.

Interviewer: As expected…

NPSS: It’s your husband?

Interviewer: Hey don’t involve me in everything. (Flips table)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Just out of personal interest… I really want to know if Xie Lianhuan likes Wenjin?

NPSS: Uh, yes. Very much so.

Interviewer: Then what about Wu Sanxing?

NPSS: Also likes her.

Interviewer: So it turns out to be a crime of passion… (awakened)

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Interviewer: Is Yun Cai just an inconsequential character? Those Huo family Forbidden Ladies won’t have some sort of emotional development with Pingxie, right? [TN: It does say Huo family Forbidden Ladies… I guess they might be referring to Huo Xiu Xiu, but not sure why there’s multiple. Also, recall that the Forbidden Lady is that tomb creature.]

NPSS: Huo family really did become Forbidden Lady professional household [TN: Maybe like a ‘firm’?]. Yun Cai’s ending is also quite tragic.

Interviewer: Indeed. If transmigrating, don’t transmigrate into DMBJ. [TN: Transmigrate is the common c-drama trope where someone in modern times / average suddenly wakes up in the body of some one in the past or something.] Female beings all have no good outcome.

NPSS: If you’ve already died once, then there’s no need to be afraid.

Interviewer: Oh yeah, will that pink-shirt show face again? (Xlaugh) [TN: Idk this expression, but I think pink-shirt is referring to Xiaohua.]

NPSS: Yes. [??? Young Lord of Solutions ???] Grave-Robbing Prince.

Interviewer: Ahhhhh~~great~~~ >///<~~ The Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???], right? … Then Xiao Hei [TN: Hei Xiazi / Hei Yanjing] also has a role?

NPSS: Yup.

Interviewer: The descendants of the Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???] are nine golden men? =w=

NPSS: One isn’t. 8 men. 1 woman.

Interviewer: The female is Huo family Forbidden Lady, right?

NPSS: Yup. Counting her.

Interviewer: So that means Tianzhen still has 7 in his harem… Damn, catching up to Cracked Pot’s bunch of shiny guardians. [TN: Idk what that is in reference to.]

NPSS: Cracked Pot? What’s that? [TN: Yay I’m not the only one!]

Interviewer: Cough Cough. Your Majesty, you don’t need to know.

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Interviewer: Will Sanshu come to Nanning for an autograph session?

NPSS: Nanning? Need a Nanning bookstore to invite me.

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Interviewer: If we may ask Lao San [TN: Still referring to NPSS], from Wu Xie’s (or Pangzi’s) perspective, where does Menyouping stand? Just a ‘person who stands on our side’? [TN: Refers to when ZQL told them he was a person on their side.]

NPSS: Now it should be like a son’s role / part.

Interviewer: What? Son? ==

NPSS: A very promising son.

Interviewer: Is Wu Xie having the ‘My son has grown up’ old mother mentality?

NPSS: Not really. More like, my son has bad memory or something.

Interviewer: Wu Xie he is indeed [??? person wife ???] [TN: Uh... term used was 人\妻 which when Googled had the first link to pornhub lol. But I think the slang used is actually this.]

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Interviewer: In Sanshu’s day to day, how often does you use code words? Or is it scrunching your feet and thinking on it for a month or two before coming up with something? [TN: I think they’re referring to Sanshu as in NPSS and not Wu Sanxing Sanshu?]

NPSS: It’s usually simultaneously [??? buckling ???] and eating and typing.

Interviewer: Does it taste good?

NPSS: Often get stomachaches.

Interviewer: …Very toxic huh…

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Interviewer: Can you fill the bit plothole of Sanshu’s storytelling? Your Majesty, do you have any filled pits? == (Hides face)

NPSS: I promised my father I would fill them before he turns 70.

NPSS: [??? New Year’s Eve pieces ???]

Interviewer: How old is his esteemed Majesty’s father?

NPSS: 60.

Interviewer: …. (speechless)

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Interviewer: What kind of person is Wu Xie’s mother?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s mother is probably a strong / great woman.

Interviewer: I think so too.

NPSS: Beautiful but strict and fierce, which is why Dad is rather pathetic / a good-for-nothing.

Interviewer: Queens are great. Queens usually marry good-for-nothings. [TN: The ‘queen’ here is literally ‘female king’, so more implies a female ruler.] ==

Interviewer: In the end, did Wu Xie inherit his dad’s genes?

NPSS: Wu Xie also has a very dark personality.

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NPSS: I’m nearly at my limit…

Interviewer: Same here… (sleepy)

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Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, if excluding psychological factors, in terms of human nature, do you think Pingxie is suitable?

NPSS: I think, the two of them together. Neither can earn money. Parents on both side would not agree.

Interviewer: Can it not be one steals and the other sells stolen goods?

NPSS: At the very least, Wu Xie needs to get admitted to a civil service position. [TN: These are stable job positions lol]

Interviewer: Looks like Lao Meng eats soft rice! [TN: A saying that refers to men who lives off of women lol. Basically that the woman supports the man instead of the expected vice versa.]

NPSS: And also will need to buy a house in Hangzhou.

Interviewer: … Too realistic… == [TN: Lol no joke this is exactly how couples get ‘permission’ to marry each other by the families… Hangzhou housing prices are not cheap either. I was born there and visit often… those prices have gone uuuuuuup.]

(And the two are dozing off)

NPSS: Let’s end it. I can’t hold on anymore.

Interviewer: Ok…

(The physically / mentally exhausted two rolled off to sleep, interview unfinished… ==)

~ End Interview

Whew that was a long ride. NPSS is such a troll lol... 😅I don’t know nearly enough Chinese slang / internet speak to parse this properly, but the general gist is there.

#dmbj #daomubiji #daomu biji #pingxie #interview #translation #the lost tomb #the lost tomb reboot #zhang qiling #wu xie #wang pangzi #ultimate note

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lingthusiasm · 3 years

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Transcript Lingthusiasm Episode 53: Listen to the imperatives episode!

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 53: Listen to the imperatives episode! It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 53 show notes page.

[Music]

Lauren: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Lauren Gawne.

Gretchen: I’m Gretchen McCulloch. Today, we’re getting enthusiastic about imperatives. But first, we’re going to do a Lingthusiasm liveshow – a virtual liveshow in late April brought to you on an internet near you for everybody who’s a patron of Lingthusiasm, which there is still time to become. Keep an eye out in late April 2021. We’ll be announcing the dates on social media and the website a little bit closer to the time.

Lauren: This liveshow is our current Patreon goal. All tickets will be for patrons. That is available at lingthusiasm.com/patreon. If you’re listening to this in the future from beyond April 2021, patrons will also be able to listen to the recording of that liveshow event as a bonus episode – along with over 50 other bonus episodes.

Gretchen: The Lingthusiasm liveshow is also part of LingFest, which is a bunch of other fun linguistics events that are happening in late April. Stay tuned to our website for more information about that. Also, in late April, we’re doing a virtual conference for linguistics communicators called “LingComm.” That’s people who make linguistics communication materials online – modelled after SciComm for science communicators. This is gonna be happening online. You can find more details about LingComm on the website lingcomm.org. That’s “comm” with two Ms.

Lauren: Our most recent Patreon bonus episode was an Ask Us Anything episode in celebration of our 100th overall episode. It is our 48th bonus and, along with our over 50 main episodes, it means there is twice as much Lingthusiasm. If you’ve worked your way through all the main episodes, they are all available at lingthusiasm.com/patreon.

Gretchen: Thanks for asking us such great questions on the Lingthusiasm patron Discord. Go hang out in the Discord if you haven’t yet. It’s fun!

[Music]

Gretchen: Start the episode!

Lauren: Go on!

Gretchen: Be interesting!

Lauren: Do linguistics!

Gretchen: Stay lingthusiastic!

Lauren: All of these sentences are giving some kind of command.

Gretchen: These are all what’s known grammatically as “imperatives.” They have the function of giving commands, but they also have the imperative, which is this particular grammatical thing where, in English, an imperative may begin with the bare form of the verb – like “start” and “go” and “be” and “do” and “stay.” That’s a particular grammatical concept that we wanna talk about today.

Lauren: The function of giving a command means that now, Gretchen, I expect you for the next half hour to be very interesting and very linguistic – if you’re going to obey the command that’s been given.

Gretchen: No, I was telling you to be interesting, Lauren.

Lauren: Oh, okay. Well, now we’re in trouble. It is possible to do things that have the function of giving some kind of command that’s not an imperative – that doesn’t have the grammar of an imperative structure. So, “I order you to be interesting,” is not actually an imperative.

Gretchen: It is a command, but it is not an imperative. Sometimes, you have this – I wanna say – this very imperial Ancient Rome – [imitates imposing voice] the Imperator or the Emperor is saying, “Take this man away,” is sort of a command thing. But you can also use imperatives – the form of the imperative – to do things that are very polite. You can say something like, “Come in,” “Sit down,” “Make yourself at home!” All of these are also imperatives, but they’re polite imperatives.

Lauren: I hope that people don’t think we’re being imperious when we use the imperative to tell them to “Stay lingthusiastic” at the end of an episode.

Gretchen: Secretly, this episode, we’ve been building up to it since the very first one.

Lauren: “Emperor” and “imperative” are related etymologically, I assume.

Gretchen: Yeah. The “emperor” is somebody who has the authority to give commands, and it’s definitely the core function of the imperative is that commanding function. But when I think of imperatives, I think about a young adult novel that came out in 1997 called, Ella Enchanted.

Lauren: Did this also become, I remember, a movie?

Gretchen: No, don’t talk to me about the movie. The movie is bad.

Lauren: Okay. Well, I haven’t seen the film, so that’s fine. We can just talk about the book, which I also have not read. Enlighten us about Ella Enchanted.

Gretchen: Ella Enchanted is one of those fairy tale retellings. In this particular context, the main character has a blessing/curse put on her by a fairy at her birth where she has to be obedient.

Lauren: Is this one of those blessings that inadvertently become a curse?

Gretchen: Yeah. The fairy’s like, “I’m gonna give you this blessing. Ella will always be obedient. Now, stop crying, child!” And the baby has to stop crying because she’s been given this command to stop crying.

Lauren: Very useful.

Gretchen: I mean, like, who amongst us could not find this useful? Unfortunately, she grows up, and if people give her a command even inadvertently, she has to obey it. What’s interesting from a grammatical perspective – and I feel like why I always felt like I had a very solid grasp of what an imperative is – is because she only has to obey things when they’re imperative commands and not when they’re more indirect commands. If somebody says, “Stand up,” “Sit down,” she has to do it. But if someone says, “I wish you would stand up,” or “Why don’t you sit down,” she doesn’t have to do it at that point.

Lauren: Oh my gosh, she’s a walking grammaticality test. She’ll tell you if something’s grammatically an imperative. This is fabulous.

Gretchen: Right?

Lauren: It would be amazing to have someone like this while you’re trying to figure out the grammar of an imperative.

Gretchen: Well, because then you could try it in different languages. Every time I see a stop sign, I’m like, “Ella would just be stuck here. She’d just be stuck here until someone told her to go again.”

Lauren: I assume it’s a pre-technology world because –

Gretchen: It’s like a fairy tale world with horses and stuff. She didn’t have any stop signs.

Lauren: Thank goodness she doesn’t live on the internet because the amount of, like, “Subscribe,” “Click here” – you would be ruined.

Gretchen: Right? Every time she got told to “Like and subscribe,” she’d have to do it. It’s a fairy tale world, so she only has the usual problems with imperatives. But it really – if you ever want a book to just tell you which things are imperatives for 286 pages of a charming young adult fantasy novel, I would recommend it.

Lauren: I feel like if you have very small children in your life, you’re also quite sensitive to imperatives and using them. There’s a lot of having to be very direct at children. Even if you have a habit of maybe doing things more politely and indirectly while talking to adults, you just have to tell children to do and to not do things quite a lot. If you have small children or maybe cheeky pets in your life –

Gretchen: [Laughs] Pets. “No, get off that! Don’t run into traffic!”

Lauren: “Sit.” Perfectly efficient.

Gretchen: “Sit!” “Stay!” “Eat your breakfast!”

Lauren: Yeah, I was gonna say I can’t tell if you’re giving that example to a child or to a pet but, honestly, pretty much the same.

Gretchen: Does it matter?

Lauren: If you have small people in your life, you’re probably quite sensitive to imperatives.

Gretchen: Meanwhile, I’m just sitting here with my tomato plants being like, “Grow! Grow!” That’s one of the things that’s really interesting about a part in Ella Enchanted. At one point she gets a letter from her father, and then she’s like, “Wait, I gonna make this other person read it and summarize it to me” because if there are commands in it then she could summarize what they are in ways that aren’t actually commands. In another context, she’s interacting with a character who she doesn’t really like but because that character is only saying, “I wish you would do this,” or “Why can’t you stop doing that,” she doesn’t actually have to obey that person because that character is still trying to be polite. Imperatives have this interesting interaction with politeness and with how we relate to each other as people – who is it okay to give a direct imperative to, and what level of politeness does that have?

Lauren: It seems like giving direct imperatives to kids is something that occurs across a lot of different cultures. We don’t have the data to say with confidence that it happens across all languages. In some languages, it’s weirder to give direct imperatives to people who you’re not familiar with. Maybe if you’re more familiar with someone – you might give more direct imperatives to someone you live with and spend a lot of time with. It really can vary across cultures and across individual contexts. One particular example I like is Sara Ciesielski’s work on the acquisition of Sherpa by children. Sherpa is a Tibeto-Burman language. It’s in the same family of languages I work with. In Sara’s work – there’s a great three-minute thesis video summarizing it – what she found was that parents give a particular type of direct imperative to small children. As the children grow older, they give those imperatives less. Children stop doing particularly foolhardy things, and they start to become more socialized into behaving in a socially appropriate way. In her data she found that, as those children got older, they were given fewer imperatives, but if they were talking to younger children, they would give them in the way that the adults do. You could see them getting socialized into this process of, “If I’m talking to someone younger than me, and someone who’s very young, I have to give them lots of direct imperative commands.”

Gretchen: I feel like I remember something about children learning a lot of imperatives very early in Mayan languages as well. I’m not sure. Now, I’m trying to find the paper. Of course, I can’t find it again. But I remember reading a paper in grad school about Mayan children learning a lot of imperatives. I think it was Ki’che’, maybe, or some combination of Ki’che’, Yucatec, and possibly Mam. These are languages that do a fair number of things with the verbs, but the imperatives tend to be morphologically very short and very simple and not have a lot of prefixes and suffixes. They also make really good words for children to start learning more complicated verbal structures with.

Lauren: Right. So, they learn these structures, but they also learn who it’s socially appropriate to use them with. I mean, it’s one of those things – I have no real depth of knowledge about child language acquisition – but I’m always amazed by like, children are given so many imperatives, but they still manage to use verbs and acquire verbs in all their other forms even though, for some cases – and I know in Sara’s work – the number of verbs in the imperative form that children are exposed to is multiple times more than some other grammatical structures. But they manage to all grow up using more than just imperative forms of verbs.

Gretchen: Well, and kids also overhear speech of adults between each other even if they’re not addressed like that themselves.

Lauren: Absolutely.

Gretchen: You have a variety of things that you’re exposed to. But yeah, the imperative is this interesting – it’s like how linguists often observe that words that are for close family members have certain sounds that tend to be cross-linguistically easier. You know, “Mama,” “Baba,” “Dada,” “Nana,” “Tata,” “Papa.” There’s a small set of syllables that are pretty easy for kids. Often, the names for close family members are from some subset of those syllables. They’re not necessarily exactly the same from language to language, but they’re a bit more similar than you’d expect coincidentally. I think that imperatives often being a little bit easier, a little bit shorter, having a little bit less-complex verbal morphology on them – I don’t know if someone has done that official typological study, but it seems like there’s a general trend in that direction.

Lauren: Which you’d need when someone is dangerously going in the wrong direction and you need to tell them to stop, or someone is just being a little bit too hectic and you need to tell them to sit.

Gretchen: You can imagine early humans – like a kid putting their hand into fire or something – and you have to be like, “No, stop!” Kids can try to do very dangerous things in lots of contexts. It’s useful to have language that’s accessible to tell them how to not do that.

Lauren: Those short forms, we often talk about them as being bare because they don’t have any extra morphemes that we stick on. Some languages do have a specific grammatical suffix that they’ll stick on for an imperative. In Yolmo and other Tibetan languages, the politer form of the imperative has the suffix “-tong” or “-dong.” There are some that just are bare if you’re being very direct at someone.

Gretchen: English for the most part has a bare imperative as well. You have, “Sit,” “Stand,” and it’s not like “sitting,” or “stance,” or “walked,” which would be adding some sort of morpheme on there. I guess, in principle, you could add a prefix on there. I’m not aware of a language that does, but there probably is one somewhere.

Lauren: It’s always dangerous to say languages don’t do something because they’ll be some awesome language somewhere that does the thing.

Gretchen: There’s probably some somewhere that do a prefix. I wouldn’t put money on that not happening. Often imperatives are a bit on the short side, especially ones that are informal or singular – like the kinds you would use with a child – compared to polite imperatives. Oh, you could put lots of morphology on to be polite.

Lauren: There’s the suffix in Yolmo, and then there’s a whole different form if you’re being very polite in the honorific register. We’ve talked about honorifics in a bonus episode before, and I’ve talked about that vocabulary there. Again, that’s that thing about giving a command is not necessarily impolite, you just have to use the correct honorific verb form to be polite when you’re asking a visiting guru to come with you or to please sit down. There’s a way to do that politely.

Gretchen: I first, I think, encountered “imperative,” at least as a term, when I was studying Latin. They have a singular and a plural imperative, so if you’re giving a command to one person or if you’ve giving a command to multiple people, which many languages do something like this. The singular imperative is just the bare root of the verb with the theme vowel. You have something like, “Veni,” which means, “Come,” singular, and then “Venite,” is “Come,” plural, “All of you come.”

Lauren: Good for specific command giving.

Gretchen: Yeah. There’s this extra morpheme on the plural form, but the singular one, which is your “Am I giving this command to a child,” is the very simple form.

Lauren: I did say Yolmo had that suffix, but there are a couple of verbs where, instead of using a suffix for the regular, everyday imperative, there’s just a completely different word. The most common one is – Yolmo has the word, “sa,” for “eat.” If it was just a regular imperative based on the model of almost every other verb, it would be, “Sadong.” But for this verb specifically, you have a completely different form of the word. You just say, “So.”

Gretchen: And there’s no “-dong” at all?

Lauren: There’s no “-dong” at all there. There’s no suffix there. It’s just a very short form. It’s a word I heard a lot – people asking me to eat as a guest. It’s one I’m very familiar with.

Gretchen: This actually happens in a variety of contexts where you’d expect one specific thing with the prefixes and suffixes, and then you get a different form of the root entirely. In French, for example, most of the imperatives do a very similar thing. You have, “parler,” is “to talk,” and “parler” is also the imperative and the plural imperative. But then for a few words – and one of them is “be” – you have “je suis/tu es,” so “you are” – “es.” But the imperative, like “Be quiet,” which you would say to a child perhaps, is “sois” – “Sois tranquille.” Literally, “Be tranquil,” I guess, but it’s used for “Be quiet.” Or “soyez” if it’s plural. Like, “Children, soyez tranquille,” like, “All of you be quiet.” English actually also kind of does this.

Lauren: Right.

Gretchen: This is the one maybe true imperative that you can test like, “Is this verb being imperative right now?”

Lauren: You told me this the other day, and I was wracking my brain for ages trying to think about something where it changes completely in English.

Gretchen: Have you figured it out yet?

Lauren: I’ve not figured it out, but now you’ve given me that example, I be it’s something to do with the “is/be” copula. That verb is a mess in English.

Gretchen: Yeah, it is “be.” “Be” is just one of those really neat verbs because it’s historically three different verbs all with their different forms glommed onto each other. Like, the “is/are” one, and you have the “wesan” with “was” and “were,” and then they also have “be” and “being” and “been.” Those are all from three different roots that get glommed together to make one mega verb.

Lauren: Yay, language!

Gretchen: Yay, language! This is a process that actually happens fairly often in languages just for a small handful of very, very common words. So, “be,” or “have,” or maybe something like “eat” – very, very common words. Sometimes they get really irregular or they get made out of combinations of several different verbs. Because they’re so common, people can just remember this, whereas if it’s really rare verb that maybe you don’t encounter until you’re a bit older or you don’t encounter very often, it’d be hard to remember like, “Oh, this verb has completely different letters in it.”

Lauren: It would be very weird for English to have a completely different form of the word “to crochet” for an imperative because most people don’t talk about crocheting a lot, and if you do, you rarely tell people that they have to as a command. When you have this pattern that fits for every verb except maybe one or two for the imperative or for other things as well. English is great with this kind of thing in tense when you have, “I go/I went.” “Went” is absolutely a completely different word to “go,” but we use it in the past. This happens often enough in English that when we have these forms that don’t fit the pattern, we call it a “suppletive” form.

Gretchen: Sometimes the imperative is where a suppletive shows up. Sometimes it’s also a past or something else you could do with things. Sometimes you can have a suppletive imperative, which kind of defies the point about maybe them being easy for children to learn, but they are super common.

Lauren: You tend to hear suppletive forms with lots of frequency. That’s how they manage to stick around.

Gretchen: Sometimes you also get a negative imperative.

Lauren: Yes. As with the fact that some languages use particular morphemes and some languages don’t use any morphemes, which is a nice throwback to our zero morphemes in the “Nothing Means Something” episode, if you remember that sometimes the absence of something is still functional, there’s a whole range of different ways that negating can interact with imperatives. But the thing that I find most charming about the relationship between negating and imperatives is that a negative imperative, as a category, can sometimes be called a “prohibitive,” which is just one of those, “I get that. That does exactly what that label says.”

Gretchen: Yes, the “imperative” is you command someone to do something. The “prohibitive” is you prohibit them from doing something, which makes sense. I have definitely just encountered the terminology “negative imperative.” I hadn’t encountered “prohibitive.” I think maybe a little bit of the literature, or until you mentioned it, I was like, “Oh, I guess you could call it that. I dunno if I would though.”

Lauren: I think it’s the kind of thing where if your language does something interesting around negative imperatives, you’re more likely to come up with the name “prohibitive,” whereas, for example, in Yolmo, you don’t use that imperative suffix with the negative. You just use the negative and the verb. Because it acts a bit differently to the imperative, I’m more likely to think of it as a prohibitive because it’s a slightly different structure. I think this comes back to a larger conversation about whether you lump certain phenomena together because they’re all similar enough in the languages that you encounter or if you split them up because they behave very differently.

Gretchen: I think I’m maybe more of a lumper than a splitter, but it depends a lot on the context because what sort of thing you’re exposed to can lead you more into lumper-ish or splitter-ish directions for particular things. Some languages just throw in a negator. Some languages, the negative bit for imperatives is a different negative morpheme than the negative morpheme in other contexts. Some languages you use a different form of the verb. When I was learning a lot of romance languages, the thing that always used to really just kind of grind my gears and show my lumper-ish tendencies was they’d be like, “Okay, here are all the different ways of doing the imperative,” and there’d be two that would correspond to the Latin one of the singular and the plural one, and then there’d be the polite one, and there’d be the ”we” form for like, “Let’s this,” and there’d be the negative ones. Those would all be borrowed from the subjunctive.

Lauren: Which is an entirely different category with an entirely different set of functions but kind of borrowable.

Gretchen: We’re not gonna get into the subjunctive right now because the subjunctive is a whole other episode someday. But I’d be like, “These forms are not some weird, surprising thing that you actually have to memorize 17 different things.” What it is is, “Look over here in this table on Page 56 and just borrow the ones from the table on Page 56.” You only have to memorize one bit of information, which is the “Go to Page 56 for this form.” You don’t have to just suddenly memorize this whole other table as if it’s some sort of surprising thing that’s unconnected. It’s really just borrowing from a different part of the paradigm.

Lauren: Yeah, sometimes imperatives do share features or functions with other categories, which is a thing that crops up a lot in different categories of grammar. It’s part of the fun of human languages and how they evolve in different directions and borrow things from themselves and copy across from different parts.

Gretchen: It’s interesting to think, “Okay, what was the historical version of this?” What was the version of this language early on when they were like, “Oh, we don’t quite have an imperative for this particular context – where else can we get something from the set of verbs that we do have or something from the set of things we’re used to doing with verbs?”

Lauren: Another thing that makes imperatives particularly interesting to try and elicit from someone if you’re doing elicitation to figure out the grammar of a language as a linguist or if you just want to learn a language through politely interrogating native speakers is that it’s actually really difficult to ask someone to tell you how – that they should tell you to do something. It’s a socially complicated little situation.

Gretchen: Because if you say something like, “Tell me that I should sit down,” they’d be like, “Okay, you should sit down.” And you’re like, “No, wait! That’s not imperative. That’s a different statement.”

Lauren: Asking someone to tell you to do something directly, when they clearly don’t actually want you to eat, so it feels weird and unnatural to be like, “Eat!”

Gretchen: And some people find it more fun to join that play space about language like, “Let’s imagine that we have a dog, and we’re trying to get the dog to eat” or “Let’s imagine we’re trying to tell a child to eat,” or something like that. It’s trying to figure out, okay, what is the exact context that can create the scenario which it would be said even though it’s said a lot.

Lauren: That’s not even taking into account that you might be working with someone in a culture where it is just so rude to give someone a direct command and that you need to observe them hanging out with a child or a pet or a person they’re really close to to get actual uses of the imperative because you’re some outsider to whom it would be incredibly rude to do that.

Gretchen: Some places you can use imperatives politely as well. But there’s often this additional social context. I think that there’s also – we were talking about earlier about like, well, you have this polite imperative or you have this plural imperative or this honorific imperative, and in a lot of the European languages that have these polite second-person pronouns, “vous” or “sei” or “Usted” or something like that, they also figured out some sort of imperative there which is borrowed from some other bit of the verbal thing there because like, “Oh, we need an imperative, but this was actually originally a third-person” or a plural or something, and you have to grab it from somewhere else. Imperatives start you in into, “Okay, what do people do in this language and in this particular culture when they’re addressing somebody? What are the ways you address somebody? What are the ways you don’t address somebody? Which things are polite? Which things are impolite? What are all the things you can do?” There’s this word in French that I don’t actually know what it means so much as I know how it’s used, which is just the word you add to something to make it a polite imperative.

Lauren: Excellent.

Gretchen: It’s “veuillez.” It’s got a lot of Ls in it. That’s what French does. You’ll see it on a lot of official signage. I don’t know if I’ve ever heard someone say it out loud, but it’s on so much signage. You’d have like, “Veuillez sit down when the train is in motion,” or something like this.

Lauren: It’s where you’d use “please” in a polite English imperative.

Gretchen: But it’s not “please” because you can put “s'il vous plait” in there as well, which is “please.” It’s just the polite verb that you use for the polite things. I’m sure it has a literal meaning, but that literal meaning is not as relevant as the fact that it’s the polite verb you use for the polite things.

Lauren: The social function of giving a command is also why imperatives are discussed as a thing where you direct it toward someone else who’s also there – a second person, “You do this” – because in order for a command to be effective, it has to be a person delivering it to another person.

Gretchen: It sort of depends on how lumper and splitter-y you wanna get. If you wanna talk about first-person plural imperatives, if you wanna talk about something like, “let’s,” as an imperative or using other words like a hortative, it depends on what the grammar of a particular language is doing whether it makes sense to group it with the imperatives or not. Sometimes, like, “Let’s go,” or like, “Let him go,” “Let them eat cake” – sometimes those are treated with the imperatives and sometimes they’re not. But there’s also a core set of imperatives of like, okay, well, what do you do if you’re addressing one person, maybe a few people? And then there’s all of the ancillary stuff around imperatives which is still just not that big of a space. I think it’s one of those things where there’s something about how humans organize their societies and their culture and their notions of self-hood and –

Lauren: And how human brains are constructed.

Gretchen: How human brains are constructed. It’s kind of like how human societies have words for day and night cycles because we live on a planet that has a certain day and night cycle that’s really salient to everybody who’s here. That doesn’t mean, in theory, you couldn’t have humans who lived on a different planet that had drastically different day and night cycles that could have words for those sorts of things.

Lauren: This is why I love speculative science fiction because you get to build worlds where if you had people who could melt their consciousnesses together, then the distinction between giving a command as an imperative to a second person becomes less meaningful if you’re all the one consciousness.

Gretchen: Yeah, if you had neuro links or a society with magic or something where certain imperatives come with the force of commands where they’re magically enforced and certain ones are suggestions, maybe that ends up showing up in the grammar at some point. Or if you had, I don’t know, swarm consciousnesses or something, or diffused consciousnesses, maybe the first and second persons would work really differently because your notion of consciousness would be different.

Lauren: If you had multiple consciousnesses within one body, would you use a third-person imperative to talk to yourself?

Gretchen: I think there are people who have distributed consciousness or multiple consciousnesses, and they do various things – sometimes a “we,” sometimes, addressing other people.

Lauren: There’s so much scope for possibility, and humans occupy a tiny piece of that real estate, usually.

Gretchen: In Embassytown by China Mieville, there’s this thing where you have two brains that are occupying – they have to say all of the words together at the same time.

Lauren: Ah, yeah. It’s been a long time since I’ve read that book, and it is so full of fantasticness that I can’t even remember how those multiple-brain persons exist.

Gretchen: It’s been a long time since I read this book as well. I did not re-read it like Ella Enchanted, but I remember that in text, the words that they say simultaneously are written above and below a long line – like an em dash or a long em dash – and the words are written above and below. You have two mouths but one consciousness. It’s a surface-level treatment there because it’s not asking the question of, “What would that mean for first persons and second persons and third persons?” It’s just like, they say all of the words all at once even if it’s just a noun.

Lauren: Gonna write a grant application to do fieldwork with fictional aliens in a sci-fi fictional world.

Gretchen: I just think the space is really underdeveloped and some people should be working on it.

Lauren: There’s so much possibility for what an imperative could do in other consciousnesses, but in the human languages that we know about and have been discussed, in general, it’s doing something with the verb. That’s where it tends to hang out. That’s what we’ve been discussing so far. As always, I’m sure there are many caveats and complications, but it’s doing something to the verb that’s different from, say, something like tense, which is looking at time and where in time the verb is situated. It’s turning something that’s an action into a command.

Gretchen: There’s a distinction – I think the easiest one to notice is the distinction between something like, “I see,” “I look,” “I sit,” “I go,” versus, “See,” “Look,” “Sit,” “Go,” where one of them is describing something that’s going on, and the other one is giving a command which could have all the functions of polite command or impolite command in that range. It does change the vibe of the verb. The Romans, who did a lot of the descriptive grammatical tradition that we’ve inherited in the European language space, called this the “mood” of the verb. I think we should maybe rename it the “vibe” of the verb because it seems very intuitive to me. “Mood” in this context is not like, “Is the verb happy or sad,” it’s just a vowel shift from “mode.” Like, what “mode” is this verb in? It’s in the command mode. It’s in the declarative mode, the describing things mode. It’s kind of like, you know, set your gears to start or to reverse or to –

Lauren: And look, I’m not gonna lie. I think when these labels got added – around 500 years ago they became really consistent with grammar teaching – when they chose this word, I’m pretty sure they chose it for a really similar reason that you chose “vibe.” “Mode” is just this general word. It’s still a pretty general word. We use it for fashion or, as you said, a mode of a machine.

Gretchen: You’re mode of transportation.

Lauren: It’s just one of these wonderfully convenient labels that you don’t have to interrogate too deeply.

Gretchen: “Mode” seems to imply that you can have a given verb, and it can sometimes be in this mode and sometimes be in that mode, whereas “class” implies you have, you know, some verbs are in this class and some verbs are in that class, and they don’t correspond. But they’re all generic categorization words. They kind of just picked one. As far as I can tell, they just picked one and then that became the name for this distinction that they were trying to talk about of “Is the verb like this or is the verb like that?” Well, that’s it’s “mode.” Then we had an unfortunate vowel shift, and it seems like it corresponds to a mood like happy or sad. “Mode” is sort of the more intuitive way of thinking about what the difference is between these categories.

Lauren: People will sometimes use “mood,” and they’ll sometimes use “mode” and talk about “modality” If you see something that’s talking about “modality” in linguistics, it’s generally talking about, well, is it just a declarative sentence explaining how the world works or is it in one of these other modes like the imperative. There are a whole bunch of others in this category.

Gretchen: Well, and sometimes “modality” is also used for modals, like “can” and “must” and “should” and stuff like that.

Lauren: Oh, we should talk about modal verbs.

Gretchen: Yeah! We should do a whole episode about modals.

Lauren: With evidentiality, which is something we’ve done a whole episode on, there is a lot of discussion about –

Gretchen: Which is your favourite thing.

Lauren: Which is one of my favourite things. There’s a whole discussion about whether evidentiality is its own category separate from mode, or if it sits within a more lumper definition of “mode,” or whether we split it off as its own, or if it sits in a subcategory. It reminds me a lot about how I imagine the early discussions around biological classification must’ve happened.

Gretchen: Because at a certain point you’re like, okay, so we need to have all of these different sorts of levels of “Are these just different species of birds or are they all birds together? Here we’ve got the mammals. Here we’ve got” – I’m not a biologist; I’m not gonna torture this metaphor too far – but which of the things are more closely related? Which are the things that are more distantly related? There’s several levels here, but some of them you’re like, “Well, they just needed to come up with another name for this.” It’s useful to have a name as a handle so that we’re all talking about the same thing, but sometimes those names don’t always have a very good etymological reason for why they’re called that thing in particular. Sometimes it’s just like, “Well, we needed a name for this group.”

Lauren: And sometimes a level – because there are classes in biological animal kingdom hierarchies, right. So, the word “class” there has a really specific meaning, whereas we could just talk about a general class of objects or a particular class of students. It has all these different meanings. I think “mode” is one of those similar words that has lots of different meanings but in linguistics tends to have this specific meaning.

Gretchen: Yeah. And this is a thing that academic disciplines, especially, in the natural philosophy vibe of categorising the world and trying to figure out which things are more related to each other tends to go into common words and say, “Ah, we’re gonna come up with a technical definition for this one,” and be like, “Well, technically, this is what a reptile is now,” or like, “Technically, this is what a mood is now. This is what a mode is.” You end up with this situation where the technical definitions and the vernacular definitions co-exist. That can sometimes lead to almost more confusion where you’re like, “I need to figure out, first of all, is this person using the technical meaning right now or are they using the vernacular meaning. Which one am I trying to use? Which one is appropriate for this context?” In addition to “What is this word?” Whereas, sometimes, if there’s an entirely new word for something, it’s just like, “Oh, well, I’ve learned this new word and it refers to this specific thing and it always refers to that.” There isn’t this competing vernacular definition that also exists. The way that this often gets taught in classrooms is like, “Well, the vernacular version you learned is wrong. This is the real definition.” But I think we’re interested in describing language and saying, descriptively, people use “mode” in all sorts of different ways – people use “mood” in all sorts of different ways. It’s just that in certain contexts there’s this one very particular definition that it’s used with in this one case. Oh, “case,” that’s another one. Look, you can use “case” to mean a whole lot of things! There’s one technical linguistic meaning of it, but there’s also a lot of other ways you could use “case.” Sometimes the metaphor goes in the other direction. Sometimes a word gets borrowed from grammatical terminology into the more generic life circumstances as well. “Gender” initially referred to just a class, like a genre, and then it gets used in a vernacular sense as well.

Lauren: I have a sense that imperative – if something is very important, it’s “imperative” – came from the urgency of a command as well.

Gretchen: That’s possible. The idea of like, okay, well, this is this particular grammatical thing but also can get used metaphorically for the whole related set of ideas.

Lauren: In much the same way that the Linnaean biological classification system owes a lot to Latin terminology and that Western tradition of classification, I can’t help but feel that part of the reason we have a category of imperatives is because, as you mentioned earlier, Latin happens to have a very clear imperative form of the verb. I wonder what would’ve happened to a grammatical tradition and how we classify modality and mode and imperatives if we started with a language that didn’t have those structures.

Gretchen: I think it’s a difficult to answer question, but it’s a really valid question. I found Latin has a reputation of like, “Oh, I didn’t understand grammar until I studied Latin.” That’s not because other languages don’t have grammar. It’s because a lot of our grammatical terminology was invented specifically for Latin and to work really well with Latin. Then you end up learning about how English grammar works because you learn Latin in a very translate-y sort of way, and you learn what the reflexes are of particular English-y things in Latin or of things in another language in Latin. It feels like Latin grammar is easier because the grammar as we learn it was invented to fit Latin really well.

Lauren: As someone who didn’t study Latin, I’m very happy to say that I didn’t understand English grammar until I studied linguistics. It achieves similar ends but from a very different perspective.

Gretchen: I think, having studied both Latin and linguistics, there’s a sense in which the grammar of Latin is very catalogued in many cases, it’s very pinned down, because it’s not a language that’s actively being spoken by people. It has been finitely described. The thing that excites me about linguistics is you can approach grammar in this more experimental way where you can say things like, “Is the imperative really valid in this language?” Or “Does this language have a prohibitive?” “Is this useful categorization to make?” “Is this a useful distinction to make?” That’s something that’s less the case when you’re talking about one very well-described language and something that’s more the case when you’re trying to figure out, okay, how do languages compare with each other or what’s going on in language in general or what else is going on here or what’s going on in the language that isn’t as well described. It’s a more expansive look at how grammar can work than just like, okay, here’s a list of all the stuff you learned. You can be trying to figure out what’s going on with grammar.

Lauren: One of the joys of the imperative, as we said, it’s really relatively uncomplex grammatically across a lot of different languages and that it’s so interactively complicated and fascinating. I think that’s what keeps bringing me back to this category.

Gretchen: Which makes it a good introduction to the idea of, okay, how could we do these categories? What does it mean for a verb to have a “mood” or a “mode”? Whereas something like with the subjunctive, which is another mood, is harder to wrap your head around. If you’re trying to get a handle on both of things at the same time, it can be overwhelming. Whereas the imperative is a good slice to break off of “Here’s this thing that we know how to do the command thing. Someone wrote a YA novel about it in 1997.” But also, it’s this gateway into considering this broader question of like, yeah, what sort of vibes can the verbs have.

[Music]

Gretchen: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves, IPA greeting cards, and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book about internet language is called Because Internet.

Lauren: I tweet and blog as Superlinguo. Have you listened to all the Lingthusiasm episodes and you wish there were more? You can get access to 48 bonus episodes to listen to right now at patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Patrons also get access to our Discord chatroom to talk with other linguistics fans and other rewards including an upcoming liveshow. They also help keep the show ad-free. Recent bonus topics include deleted anecdotes, an Ask Me Anything with a lexicographer, and a Q&A with the two of us. If you can’t afford to pledge, that’s okay, too. We really appreciate it if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their lives.

Gretchen: Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our Senior Producer is Claire Gawne, our Editorial Producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is “Ancient City” by the Triangles.

Lauren: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

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transrevolutions · 3 years

Note

Did you watch Biden's speech tonight? Any thoughts on it? (This is not confrontational at all- I just always learn a lot whenever you talk about politics, and enjoy hearing from you about this stuff. I was interested to hear your takes on the policies/language in the speech, if you watched any of it)

Sorry I took so long to answer, I’ve had a really busy night.

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to watch the speech live, but I did read the transcripts, and I do have some thoughts.

First off, Biden talks a good game. Always has. Probably will continue to do so. But he does also have a nasty track record of not always living up to his promises (the loan debt, the 2,000 dollar stimulus checks, the pipelines, the dispute over firing people with past marijuana use, the arms deals, etc.), so I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up going back on some of it.

I will give him credit for the fact that he seems to have some sort of concrete plan in place for many of these things- however too much of it relies upon bipartisanship- something we are not seeing a lot of as of late. The GOP isn’t gonna like Biden’s more liberal policies, and they will put up a stink about it.

The thing that irked me the most, to be honest, was the sheer amount of “us vs. them” narrative when it came to foreign policies. Stirring up hostility against China over and over again, basing so much around “winning the competition against China”, is a sentiment that has caused and is going to cause more racism against Asian-Americans. Especially considering recent events, like what happened in Georgia, the excessive digs at China were in poor taste.

I have no love for the Chinese government. I think they’re state-capitalists under a communist disguise, I don’t think they do a good job protecting human rights, and I do not think one-party rule is sustainable. But when someone digs at China, many people will not interpret it as the government, but as the people as a whole- and may consciously or subconsciously carry it over to Asian people that live here.

Most of the points Biden made using China as the scapegoat could’ve been made without it. No, we shouldn’t be advancing medical science just to “beat China”, we should be doing it for the sake of helping people.

If you want to affirm that you don’t approve of China, do it once. Don’t keep beating a dead horse. Especially if said dead horse might end up zombifying causing even more problems. Like the aforementioned racism.

Speaking of racism, I also want to mention the way he spoke about George Floyd. Please keep in mind that I am not Black, and if what I say is out-of-tune or offensive to Black people, I will change/remove it and do my best to listen to their much more relevant point of view.

I feel sick of all the politicians treating George Floyd as some sort of martyr figure to bring justice to POC, justice that should’ve been there already. George Floyd was an ordinary man with a family and a future. He did not want to die. He did not “sacrifice himself for justice”, he was brutally murdered by the people who should’ve been protecting him. Start acting like it.

There was a fair bit of cop-bootlicking, but I honestly can understand that, seeing as unfortunately the government, even the Dems, are mostly quite pro-cop, or at least not anti-cop. Biden has built his image around the safe, comfortable moderate grandpa, and he’s unlikely to break that image now.

The talk about fair pay, unions, ending trickle-down economics... I can’t help but think that he’s so close to getting it. If only socialism wasn’t such a dirty word in our society...

I hope at least some of what he’s talking about, especially about the tax raise on billionaires will get done. I’d give it maybe 50-50 on whether it’s actually gonna happen, given Biden’s track record.

Good on him for pulling the troops out of Afghanistan. Would be nice if he stopped bombing Syria as well. But a few less war crimes are regardless, a few less war crimes. Progress. Slow progress. But still progress.

I’m glad he’s talking about stricter gun control. Heaven knows we need it. The GOP isn’t going to like it, though, which makes me worried about whether it can actually get passed. On that matter, I wish he’d tried to hold some of the extremist GOP accountable in his segment on the Capitol terrorist attack, but that wouldn’t be in the spirit of ‘bipartisanship’, would it?

Thank fuck we finally have a president who acknowledges COVID’s existence. That’s all I’m gonna say on that.

The Christian references were a bit heavy-handed but as an ex-christian with an (un)healthy dose of religious trauma, I may be biased slightly. But this is not a theocracy, and people need to remember that.

TL;DR: From a writing standpoint, good speech, if a bit too moderate/neoliberal for my taste. Now let’s hold him accountable for those lofty promises and make sure they actually happen.

#politics #us politics #biden #joe biden #tw covid mention #biden speech #opinion #biden administration #government

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city-writes · 3 years

Text

Race Against the Clock (Chapter One)

At Mirio and Tamaki's wedding, Midoriya and Kirishima come to the same conclusion: They're gonna propose to their partners. The issue?

They both realize that the other also plans to propose. They both know that Bakugo and Midoriya's rivalry, while healthier than ever, extends beyond just their competition in beating the other out for the spot of #1 Hero. They both know that if 'stupid Deku' got engaged before Bakugo himself did? Kirishima would never hear the end of it.

And so the race to be the first to propose starts.

_____

(Technically a prequel(? side fic?) to the fic "He Knows no Repose", but you don't need to have read that fic to get this one)

Warnings: Aged-Up Characters; Pro-Hero Characters; No Manga Spoilers; Multi-Chapter fic Pairings: Eijirou Kirishima/Katsuki Bakugo (KiriBaku); Izuku Midoriya/Ochako Uraraka (IzuOcha); Mirio Togata/Tamaki Amajiki (MiriTama)

Read it here on AO3! Commission Info! (please consider me for a commission, i have lost my main source of income)

______________________

Getting Bakugo to come with him to Tamaki and Mirio's wedding had been a challenge, to say the least, but Eijirou Kirishima was so damn glad he did.

Kirishima had always known Bakugo was the one for him, even in the early stages of their relationship. He couldn't imagine a future without the tenacious eruption of a man that was Katsuki Bakugo by his side. He'd known he was going to marry this man one day.

But in this moment, as Kirishima looked to Bakugo, all sound was deafening in the redhead's ears, his eyes widening in realization upon feeling the blond subtly hook their pinkies together as Mirio and Tamaki exchanged their vows. He took in the sight of Bakugo's soft resting scowl, the faint flushed color that dusted his pale cheeks, their pinkies hooked to one another in a sign of unity while another couple was forming their own union several feet in front of them. In this moment, Kirishima knew:

I want to propose to him soon.

The thought popped into his head, and began repeating itself constantly, with the tempo of a flashing neon sign, and just as prominent as one burning brightly throughout a dark street. Kirishima's breath caught in his throat, and he pulled his gaze away from Bakugo, falling back upon Mirio and Tamaki instead as they continued speaking to one another.

The subject of marriage wasn't something that had gone unmentioned in his and Bakugo's shared apartment. Kirishima didn't remember how they initially came to discussing the topic, but the two of them had come to an agreement; No major purchases of any sort - engagement rings included - from either of them until they'd saved up enough to fund their own Hero Agency, one they would run together. (Bakugo had drawn up a saving plan for them before graduating from U.A., and they'd stuck to it very faithfully for the past two years.) As financial standings for them currently were, they would probably be able to afford their future agency in a little less than two years. They'd be around 22 then, which was alot better than the majority of Pros their age, though the two of them had the added benefit of sharing everything 50/50, whereas most Pros who planned for a future agency tackled the task solo.

If he was really going to propose though, he wanted to get the blond a good engagement ring, one that he felt fit him best, one that would make even the great Katsuki Bakugo freeze in shock and awe. A smile curled up on Kirishima's lips at the thought, and he curled his pinky just the slightest bit tighter around Bakugo's.

He closed his eyes for just a brief moment, a soothing warmth rushing through his body as he felt Bakugo curl his pinky a little tighter as well in response. Kirishima slowly exhaled, his eyes getting just the slightest bit misty as Mirio and Tamaki kissed one another, cheers erupting from the wedding attendees.

God, he couldn't wait to marry this man.

______________________________

The wedding reception, while vibrant and lively, wasn't nearly as populated as the ceremony was.

Wanting to keep some semblance of privacy to their lives, the newlyweds had only allowed family and close friends into the reception, having left the ceremony open to a more general stroke of people in their lives and select individuals from Hero related news outlets, if only to keep the media appeased and not doing whatever they could to sneak into or crash their wedding ceremony for the sake of a picture. After all, with Lemillion being the #3 Hero, and Suneater being the #5, there hadn't been any doubt that someone would try something less than savory if they'd attempted to keep everything private.

The reception, however, was a different story. Mirio and Tamaki's families were there, as well as the close friends they'd made throughout their lives. Kirishima was grateful to be considered one of them.

"Congrats, dude!" He said as Tamaki came over to the table he and Uraraka were sitting at, standing up to give the older male a hearty pat on his upper arm, before pulling him into a hug. "I'm super happy for you both!"

Tamaki gave a small chuckle at Kirishima's actions, before gently returning the hug. "Thanks, Kirishima. It all feels... really surreal."

Kirishima could feel Tamaki trembling against him, and pat his back in an attempt to comfort him. "You good, man?" Red eyes scanned the room for Mirio, hoping that if anything was wrong, he'd at least be able to calm Tamaki down. But when he felt Tamaki nod against his shoulder, Kirishima relaxed somewhat, the two Pros pulling away from each other.

"I'm... I'm better than good." Tamaki admitted, his eyes closing as he exhaled and a shaky, but wide smile pulled at his lips. "I was convinced I wouldn't be able to finish the ceremony with everyone's eyes on me, but..." He opened his eyes then, his gaze fond as he met Kirishima's own. "But it was like... the world just melted away. Like there was no one else but Mirio and I. I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling."

Kirishima broke out into a wide, toothy grin, his heart full for his friend and fellow hero. God, would he feel like that himself when he and Bakugo were getting married? He really wanted to know. But for now, he placed a hand on Tamaki's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "That's great, Tamaki. I glad you have someone like Mirio to make you feel like that." He could still feel Tamaki's trembling under his hand, but he knew it was because the other male was overwhelmed in the best way, out of happiness and not anxiety. "Where is Mirio, anyway?" He asked, pulling his hand away.

"Mirio's gone to check on Eri." Tamaki replied, looking over to a nearby door. "She wanted to change out of her flower girl dress and into one she said was more comfortable to dance in."

Kirishima laughed then at the mental image of overly doting father Mirio, though before he could comment further, he heard the sound of a close-by chair being pulled out of its spot from behind him. Both he and Tamaki looked to see Bakugo sit in the seat next to where Kirishima had been, sporting two glasses of champagne. Bakugo's gaze met Kirishima's then, and the blond scoffed, placing one glass down in front of the redhead's seat.

"Here." Bakugo's voice was soft, gently gruff. "Figured I'd also get you one while I was up."

Kirishima flashed his boyfriend a smile, shooting him a thumbs up, "Thanks!"

Giving a grunt of acknowledgement as his only response, Bakugo took a sip of his champagne, placing an elbow on the table and holding his head in one hand as he looked off to the side, looking positively unamused. Kirishima did, however, notice Uraraka's cheekily amused gaze staring down his boyfriend.

Tamaki chuckled awkwardly at the sight, before looking back to Kirishima. "I'll leave you two alone. Thanks for coming, though. I really appreciate it."

"Are you kidding?!" Kirishima replied with a gentle smile, "I wouldn't have missed this for the world, dude!" With that, Kirishima gave Tamaki a hearty pat on his back before the two moved away from each other, Tamaki slinking towards a nearby door -presumably to find Mirio and Eri, Kirishima thought- and Kirishima to sit at the table with Bakugo and Uraraka.

"Wait, where's Midoriya?" Kirishima asked, before taking a swig of his champagne and turning his head to look at Bakugo. "Didn't you guys go to get drinks together?"

Bakugo scoffed, nodding his heads towards the are where he'd come back from, near a table with some set, pre-filled champagne glasses. "He started talkin' with some blue girl and some bug fucker." Uraraka and Kirishima both looked over there themselves, and were met with the sight of the green-haired male talking near there with two individuals that Kirishima faintly recognized. Before the artificial redhead could get a word in, however, Uraraka spoke.

"Oh! That's Centipeder and Bubble Girl!" She chirped, smiling gently. A look of recognition overcame Kirishima then, memories of seeing the two Night Eye agency Heroes during the days leading up to the Shie Hassaikai raid coming back to him. "I figured Mirio would invite them to the reception!" Uraraka continued, watching Midoriya as he spoke with the other two people before he took a sip of his champagne. "I don't recall seeing them at the ceremony though? Then again, there were alot of people there, I could have just missed them."

"Too many people, if you ask me." Bakugo huffed, before turning his head back towards the table, looking pointedly at Uraraka. "That's his second glass of champagne, by the way."

"Already?" Uraraka sighed, looking more amused than exasperated. Kirishima stifled a chuckle at that, knowing from a couple of past experiences that Midoriya wasn't the best when it came to alcohol tolerance. "Well, I guess I should go stop him before he does something he regrets."

A snort left Bakugo at that, the ash blond shaking his head. "Nah, let him suffer."

"Katsuki." Kirishima chided, shaking his head disapprovingly.

"What?" Bakugo's red eyes locked onto Kirishima's, his lip curling slightly in biteless annoyance. "It's not my fault the damn nerd's a lightweight."

Uraraka's lips tugged upwards in playful deviance. "I don't think you have any room to talk, Bakugo." She held back a snicker as his gaze locked onto her, sneering. She didn't seem fazed by this, however, and honestly hadn't been fazed by similar looks for a few years now. "You have one more glass of champagne on him, at most. And that's me being generous."

"Listen here, Round Face--"

"What? What do you gotta say, Lord Explosion Murder?"

"That's it--!"

Kirishima was quick to place a hand on Bakugo's shoulder, the blond having started to move like he was going to lunge across the table for the brunette. This, however, only caused Uraraka to laugh, despite the eyes of a few reception-goers looking their way due to the ruckus. "Maybe we should take away your glass, Bakugo. You haven't even finished the one and you're already riled up."

Bakugo opened his mouth to retort, but the sound of Midoriya's voice interrupted them, the green haired male having walked back to the table. "I could hear you guys all the way over there." Taking in the sight before him, Midoriya sighed, shaking his head. "Please play nice, both of you? Let's not ruin Mirio and Tamaki's day."

The three sitting at the table were quick to notice the faint flush of color that had found home on Midoriya's cheeks, which they all knew wasn't due to the embarrassment of people staring their way from Uraraka and Bakugo's playful taunts. They also all noticed a half empty champagne glass in Midoriya's right hand, and a full one in his left.

"How about I take that glass for you, Izuku?" Uraraka asked with a light laugh, reaching for the full glass.

Midoriya looked at her confusedly for a moment, before blinking and nodding. "Yeah, I brought it for you." He replied, moving to sit by Uraraka, handing the glass to her easily.

Thankfully, both Mirio and Tamaki re-emerged into the venue with Eri in tow before anyone else could get more riled up, the two newlyweds giving a small, joint welcome speech to thank their guests, before they took their seats and dinner was served. The evening continued without a hitch, and it wasn't long before guests were either gathering on the dance floor, making their way to the dessert table, or mingling with the newlyweds at their table. Unlike Kirishima, Midoriya, and Uraraka, who were familiar with at least a handful of the people that were here, Bakugo simply stayed at their small, five person table, content on simply watching what were basically strangers to him.

(Though even Bakugo couldn't ignore Eri when she stopped by their table at one point to talk to them all.)

Currently, Midoriya was nursing his third glass of champagne, Bakugo his second, while Uraraka and Kirishima had both shifted to water after one glass. While the introduction of food into his system had seemed to temporarily erase the initial slight flush of intoxication in Midoriya, finishing that second glass from earlier and moving on to this third glass had brought it right back, and Uraraka was in the beginning stages of convincing him not to go for a fourth when he was done, much to Bakugo's (and to some extent, Kirishima's) amusement.

Bakugo was about to goad Deku into going to preemptively procure that fourth glass when a woman in a sparkly blue dress, with equally blue eyes and periwinkle hair approached their table, smiling brightly.

"There you are, Ochako!" She said with an energy far too vibrant for Bakugo's liking. It took him a second to recognize her (purely because she wasn't in her hero attire, he told himself, not because of the alcohol), but he relaxed slightly nonetheless. He watched as Nejire gently tugged at Uraraka's arm, smiling as she attempted to pull her fellow Pro Hero away. "I tried finding you before they brought the food out but then I got caught up talking with Mirio and Tamaki and Eri-- Did you know she's decided to go to U.A. for General Studies? I'm so excited for her-- Hey, is Midoriya drunk?"

Uraraka chuckled awkwardly as Bakugo snorted and Midoriya let out a huff. "I am not drunk, Hado."

"Ooh! How much can you drink before it starts to affect how well you're able to control your quirk? You don't wanna start breaking bones again like at U.A., right?" Nejire giggled, but before she could give Midoriya a chance to answer, her eyes trained on Kirishima and Bakugo, and she let go of Uraraka's arm, trailing around the table to stand by them. "Hey, Kirishima! If you and Bakugo were sparring at 100%, what would give out first: your Unbreakable form, or Bakugo's arms?"

Kirishima gave a sheepish laugh, a hand going to rub at the back of his head, as Bakugo's nose scrunched, and he began speaking, "Are you serio--"

"Speaking of your Unbreakable form," Nejire continued, her gaze flickering from Kirishima, to Uraraka, then back to Kirishima again (as well as paying no mind to Bakugo yelling, "Don't cut me off!") before asking, "Would you be able to maintain it if Ochako used her quirk on you? Is Unbreakable just like, an 'intense-focus-on-your-muscles' thing, or do you need to maintain an internal center of gravity, like a reinforced inner core type of thing? That wouldn't be too dangerous to find out though, huh? It'd at least be safer to pull off than checking how drunk Midoriya can be without hurting himself, or seeing what prevails - Dynamight, the unstoppable object or Red Riot, the immoveable force."

"Isn't it 'Immoveable Object' and 'Unstoppable Force'?" Uraraka asked, pulling Midoriya back into his seat by the back of his midnight blue tux jacket when he attempted to use the hurricane of questions that was Nejire Hado as a distraction to get more champagne unnoticed.

Nejire blinked, before laughing gently. "You're right! Maybe I've had a drink too many, myself. Anyway, have you been to the dessert table yet? I wanna go check out the chocolate fountain!"

"Not yet," Uraraka admitted, huffing with a small smile before notioning to Midoriya next to her, "I have to babysit this guy to make sure he doesn't overdo it on the champagne."

The resulting pout from Midoriya drew hushed snickering from both Bakugo and Kirishima. "But... C'mon, 'Chako..."

"Yeah, c'mon Ochako!" Nejire giggled, pointing off to the dessert table with a thumb, blue eyes not leaving Uraraka's brown. "They brought out some daifuku mochi."

Everyone at the table could practically see the mental deliberation that was going on in Uraraka's head, the brunette's eyes darting from the dessert table, to her boyfriend, then back to the dessert table, gently biting at her lower lip as she did so. "I..."

"Aww, go on, Uraraka!" Kirishima spoke up, shooing her away with a hand. "Katsuki and I will keep an eye on Midoriya!"

Uraraka blinked, frowning slightly. "You sure?"

"Absolutely!"

"Absolutely not!" Bakugo snipped, glaring at Kirishima in betrayal. "I'm not Deku's fucking keeper!"

Any hesitancy Uraraka had seemed to melt away at Bakugo's annoyance, smirking cheekily as she jumped up from her seat. "Nope! It's too late! Your literal sweetheart of a boyfriend has offered you up as tribute!" Uraraka then hooked her arm in Nejire's, the older woman laughing as Uraraka began practically dragging her to the dessert table. "Have fun, Lord Explosion Murder!"

"Get back here, you motherf--"

"Katsuki!" Kirishima yelped, quickly slapping a hand over his boyfriend's mouth. "This is a wedding reception, you can't just yell that across the room!"

Bakugo's fiery gaze shifted from Uraraka's distant figure to Kirishima instead, vibrant red eyes glaring into Kirishima's own. He then licked a fat stripe up Kirishima's hand with the flat of his tongue, causing the redhead's eyes to go wide, and his face to redden, immediately withdrawing his hand from Bakugo's face.

"Dude!" Kirishima muttered as he wiped his hand off on his pants.

"'S your own damn fault." Bakugo huffed as he shifted to rest his head in one of his hands, his elbow on the table. "I hate you, Eijirou."

The still-slightly-tipsy Midoriya gasped lightly, looking hurt on Kirishima's behalf. "Kacchan... that's not nice."

"Shut up, Deku."

Kirishima laughed as Midoriya pouted further, then turned to Bakugo, personally unfazed by his boyfriend's words. He knew they held absolutely no weight. "I love you too, Katsuki." He murmured as he leaned in to give the blond a kiss on his temple, an arm wrapping around him to pull him close.

Bakugo gave a 'hmph!' and closed his eyes, but shifted and folded his arms, visibly leaning into Kirishima's hold. "Yeah, yeah."

He didn't fight it as Kirishima pressed a follow-up kiss to his cheek, then to the corner of his mouth, though before Bakugo could get a proper kiss on the lips, Midoriya hummed happily, a pleased chuckle bubbling up from the green-haired male's chest. "Aww..." Midoriya cooed sweetly, his fingers pressing against his cheeks as he watched the two of them. "That's better."

"Jesus fucking Christ." Bakugo muttered, pulling away from Kirishima as the redhead's chest heaved with laughter, and quickly got up from his seat. "I'm gonna find a fucking bathroom."

Kirishima's laughter was slow to die down as Bakugo sauntered away, the sturdy hero then looking back to Midoriya, who was suppressing his own giggles. "Alright, real talk," Kirishima murmured, leaning towards Midoriya somewhat, a mischievious smirk on his face, "Exactly how far gone are you?"

Midoriya leaned back in his chair then, folding his arms as his gaze met Kirishima's. "Listen, I'll admit, I am a li'l tipsy, but nothing too bad." He did reach to take another sip of his champagne glass before he spoke again. "Doesn't mean I can't have a little fun with it at Kacchan's expense, though."

"Don't push your luck," Kirishima warned with a small, amused smile. "Knowing him, Katsuki will probably come back with another glass of champagne, both to spite Uraraka and to see if he can get you drunk."

"I don't doubt it." Midoriya amusedly murmured, placing his glass back on the table, looking over to where Uraraka and Nejire were chattering amongst themselves. "You know, rumor has it that next time the Hero rankings update, Ochako's going to surpass Hado."

Kirishima blinked at that, a brow arching in curiosity. "Really?"

Midoriya nodded with a dopey grin. "Yeah." He raised a finger to his lips then, his gaze flickering over to Kirishima. "You didn't hear it from me, though." Kirishima just nodded and smiled, and Midoriya lowered his finger. "Hado's been the #6 Hero for a couple years now," he continued, "and Ochako's been right behind her at #7. As much as she cares about Hado, though, Ochako would love to climb the Hero rankings just another rung higher. Honestly, she has her eyes on top 5."

"I just hope I can still keep in the top 10." Kirishima admitted, taking a sip of his water. He himself was currently #9, with Tokoyami ahead of him at #8, and Iida behind him at #10. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for where I am now, and honestly when I was a kid I never thought I'd even get this far," A sad smile tugged at Kirishima's lips then, and he placed his water glass on the table, looking down into it as he continued to speak. "But I don't want people to think less of Katsuki if his boyfriend falls lower in the Hero rankings. You know how the tabloids and the more gossip-y media outlets get." His voice dropped a little then. "I don't wanna disappoint him either."

"But you're not just Kacchan's boyfriend." Midoriya huffed, jutting his lower lip out at Kirishima's words. "You're Red Riot! You're an amazing hero no matter what, it doesn't matter what the rankings or the tabloids say! Besides, Kacchan loves you for you, not because of your ranking!"

Kirishima gave Midoriya a hum of acknowledgement, before looking up and nodding his thanks.

The pleased squeal of a young child cut through the air then, and both young men looked over to the sound's point of origin: the dessert table. The child was in floating midair in between Uraraka and Nejire, holding out a skewered marshmellow to hold under the top level of the chocolate fountain, a height far too out of reach for the little one if Uraraka hadn't used her quirk on them. They watched as Nejire kept a gentle hand on the child's back, both guiding them towards the chocolate fountain and preventing them from floating away, as Uraraka stood on standby, her hands poised to deactivate her quirk once the child had reached their objective and was safely guided back down on the ground.

"...God, I love her." Midoriya swooned, his gaze unwavering from Uraraka's place over by the dessert table.

Kirishima smiled at his friend, looking from Midoriya over to Uraraka as well, watching as she laughed at something Nejire said, before placing her own skewered marshmellow under the chocolate fountain now that the child from before had run off with theirs. The redhead was half debating on what all he'd get from the dessert table, when he heard Midoriya speak again.

"I've been thinking about proposing to her for a little while now."

Kirishima's eyes widened then, and he turned his head to look at Midoriya, a wide grin beginning to pull at his lips. 'That's awesome, dude!' was on the tip of his tongue, when something within him struck a chord.

...Midoriya had been considering proposing.

Midoriya had been considering proposing.

It was like a klaxon alarm had gone off blaring in his head, red lights flashing as his mental self immediately panicking. Had this been any one of his other friends, Kirishima would have been absolutely ecstatic for them, not that Midoriya was any exception to that excitement, but the fact that it was specifically Midoriya telling him this, so soon after Kirishima himself had his own revelation about proposing to Katsuki? Not good, not good, not good.

Midoriya and Bakugo's friendship had come so far since their junior high and early U.A. days, their healthy rivalry growing into something so much more than just their shared desire to be the #1 hero. (Currently the spot was held by Midoriya, but it seemed to flip-flop between the two of them every time the rankings updated.) They were comfortable enough to compete even in things as little as video games or self-imposed eating competitions now, without any true vitriol or negativity.

And for whatever reason, that healthy, playful competitiveness had managed to seep into their separate romantic lives as well. When Midoriya and Uraraka had started dating at the beginning of their second year at U.A., Bakugo had scoffed, saying that 'the only reason Deku finally grew a pair and asked her out' was that the green-haired male was trying to one-up him in both their shared goal in being the #1 hero and now apparently who'd be a better boyfriend, as Bakugo himself and Kirishima had started dating at the end of their first year. While Bakugo had only been talking to the self proclaimed 'Bakusquad' at the time (a name Bakugo absolutely loathed but stopped trying to fight against out of irritation), Midoriya had apparently overheard him, and cheekily commented: "At least I took the plunge and actually asked Uraraka out, Kacchan. Remind me, when it came to you and Kirishima, who asked who out again?"

Kirishima's eyes had gone wide at Midoriya's audacity, the redhead having to bite down hard on his lower lip to hide his amused shock as best he could. He watched as Bakugo's jaw dropped for the briefest of moments, before anger was quick to replace the blond's own shock. "What the fuck did you say to me?!"

Sero was doing his best to stifle his laughter behind one of his hands, while Mina and Kaminari were absolutely losing their shit on the common room's couches. Midoriya, who had been coming out of the kitchen with two bowls of popcorn at the time, it having been his turn to get the salty snacks for his, Uraraka's, Iida's, Todoroki's, Asui's, and Aoyama's movie night, spoke again. "What's got you so worked up?" He'd asked, feigning innocence as he began strolling towards the elevators. "I just asked a simple question."

"Like hell you did!" Bakugo had nearly launched himself over a couch, intent on getting his hands on Midoriya, before Kirishima hooked his arms up and under Bakugo's, the blond wriggling against him, letting off controlled explosions in his hands. Kirishima could somehow hear Midoriya's laughter over Mina and Kaminari's, though their conjoined laughter was like a whisper compared to Bakugo's yelling. "Get back here, shitty Deku! I'll show you who the best damn boyfriend is!"

From then on, the two would goad each other on about their respective relationships, from Bakugo bragging that he'd managed to score a pair of limited tickets to a special, one day only Crimson Riot exhibit in a city two hours away as a surprise for Kirishima's birthday, to Midoriya boasting about how much Uraraka's parents had taken to him after he'd been introduced as 'my boyfriend, Izuku' as opposed to 'my friend, Midoriya'. (After the latter occured, the next time Bakugo had visited Kirishima's mothers with him, the blond had brought them a carefully wrapped box containing homemade chocolates, paranoid that he might not have made as good an impression on them as Deku had on Uraraka's parents. Both women had been absolutely flattered and thankful, and reassured the blond that not only had he made a good impression on them, but that they were happy that he made their son happy.)

So for Midoriya to blurt out that he'd been planning on proposing to Uraraka for a little while now, regardless of if the admission was intentional or a result of the alcohol in his system, Kirishima knew he'd definitely have to get a move on if he planned on proposing to Katsuki soon.

Because if Midoriya was both engaged, and subsequently married before Bakugo? Midoriya would hold it over the blond's head, and Kirishima would never hear the end of it.

The only issue was that damn 'no major purchases' agreement that Bakugo had him agree to so that they could save up for their conjoined Hero Agency. If Kirishima couldn't find someway to get around that, then Midoriya was guaranteed to get engaged to Uraraka before him and Katsuki could get engaged to each other.

"Oh, really?" Kirishima did his best to sound delightfully surprised, to not give Midoriya any inkling that he'd been planning on proposing too. He knew that if Midoriya smelled the proverbial blood in the water, that he'd absolutely take the opportunity to strike.

Maybe Midoriya's version of 'a while now' meant like, two weeks. Maybe he hadn't put alot of thought into it, hadn't been looking at rings or anything yet, hadn't been planning the when and the how. Maybe, if he was going to propose, it wouldn't be for like, another 2 years. That was reasonable, right?

But as Midoriya's gaze flickered over to Kirishima, the green haired male seemed to pause for a moment as he took in the other's expression, before green eyes widened, a knowing smile on Midoriya's face. Kirishima's breath hitched.

Oh god, no.

"Wait... Are..." Midoriya leaned towards the redhead then, eyes wide with an expression the sturdy hero couldn't quite name, "Kirishima, were you also--"

"What the hell is your drunk ass doin', Deku?" Kirishima tensed at the sound of Bakugo's voice, taking a few short and quick breaths to try and calm himself down from the mental turmoil his brain had been going through. "Get the hell out of Eijirou's goddamn space." Kirishima couldn't bring himself to look at Bakugo yet as he heard the explosive hero pull his chair out and sit in it; the redhead knew he had to train his expression down into looking like nothing was wrong, or else the blond would know something was up. Bakugo's hand slid into his field of vision, pushing a filled champagne glass towards Midoriya. "Leave my idiot boyfriend alone and keep downing your damn booze."

Midoriya leaned back in his chair then, he gaze going from Kirishima, to the champagne glass, then to Bakugo. "Thanks, Kacchan, but... I think I'm good."

"Hah?"

Green eyes flickered from Bakugo over to Kirishima, who was doing his best to school his features still. "I think I'm gonna switch to water." He clarified, looking back at Bakugo. "Don't wanna embarrass myself or Ochako by having one too many drinks, ya know?"

No, please. Keep drinking. Kirishima thought, his gaze focusing on Midoriya, as though by sheer will alone his thoughts would will the green haired male into doing his bidding. Drink, and get drunk, and forget about me wanting to propose to Katsuki, god please.

"Just take the damn drink, Deku."

Midoriya then looked pointedly at Kirishima then, and grinned cheekily. "Maybe Kirishima should take it instead."

Kirishima's expression faltered then, his eyes narrowing slightly at Midoriya's words. Though as he felt Bakugo's gaze on him, Kirishima exhaled, turning his head to look at his boyfriend. He was quick to plaster a wide grin on his face, a hand going to rub at the back of his own head. "Took ya a little while to get back, huh?" He asked, desperate to rid the air of any tension. God, please don't question anything. "You get lost trying to find the bathroom or somethin'?"

Bakugo frowned then, the blond's red eyes looking into Kirishima's own, before glancing over over at a slightly smug looking Midoriya, then returning to Kirishima. "...What were you and Deku talking about before I got back?" Spoken more like a statement than a question, Kirishima laughed awkwardly, his mind racing to try and save himself from saying something seriously stupid or incredibly incriminating.

"Just stuff." Midoriya chirped, pushing his chair back so that he could get up from the table. "Kacchan, go with me to the dessert table."

The mental klaxon alarms came back at full force; Midoriya could not be alone with Katsuki right now, not while he was tipsy and armed with the knowledge that Kirishima wanted to propose!

Bakugo scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You and I both know I don't have that big a sweet tooth. Why the fuck would I go with you to the dessert table?"

"Well, one," Midoriya began, making his way to stand behind Kirishima's and Bakugo's chairs (albeit doing so a little wobbily), one hand resting on the back of Bakugo's chair, the other on Kirishima's shoulder. "Kirishima said he'd wanted to get some chocolate covered strawberries at the chocolate fountain when you came back, but you took so long finding the bathroom that I think the least you could do is get them for him."

"Deku..." Bakugo growled warningly.

"Two, Mirio told me beforehand that there'd be some spicy desserts. Tamaki apparently asked for some 'Black Pearl' cupcakes, which are apparently made with wasabi, ginger, and dark chocolate." Midoriya couldn't suppress the chuckle that left him upon seeing Bakugo's gaze flicker over to the dessert table for the briefest moment at the mention of those. "And three, Ochako would kick your ass if you let me walk to the dessert table alone right now."

Clicking his tongue, Bakugo rolled his eyes and folded his arms, before giving a huff and standing up. "Please, Round Face wishes she could kick my ass." Regardless, Bakugo pushed his chair in, glancing at Kirishima over his shoulder. "I'll go get you your damn strawberries." His gaze then looked to Midoriya, nodding his head towards the dessert table before beginning to walk. "C'mon, Deku."

Before Midoriya began walking, however, he gave Kirishima a pointed look with a soft smirk, one that the redhead could easily decipher as 'I won't say anything.'

Kirishima's relief was shortlived though, because Midoriya's expression became cheeky, playful even. The green haired male gave a small chuckle, before patting Kirishima's shoulder, then giving it a gentle squeeze. The redhead's heart dropped at the competitive glint in Midoriya's eyes then, a look that he'd usually spared for Bakugo when the two were going head to head in something.

Kirishima knew what that look meant. Kirishima knew that there was now an invisible timer counting down, that Midoriya planned on proposing to Uraraka before Kirishima himself could propose to Katsuki. Midoriya's previous, reassuring expression might have said 'I won't say anything', but that wasn't the end of his silent message. This competitive look finished that sentence with a curt finality. 'I won't say anything...

...but now, it's Game On.'

#Krys writes #My Hero Academia #KiriBaku #IzuOcha #MiriTama #Eijirou Kirishima #Katsuki Bakugo #Izuku Midoriya #Ochako Uraraka #Mirio Togata #Tamaki Amajiki

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1269

Last thing you bought online? Did you like it? OMG OMG so I got Angela an Army Bomb!!!!!! for her birthday!!!! It was HELLLL looking for sealed ones that were already onhand, but fortunately I was able to find one from this really nice seller a few days ago and the shipping was quick as well. I’m just a little worried because the outbox has a little dent on it :( but it was the best onhand offer I could find so I got it before anybody could call dibs. I still hope she likes it! I got her batteries too so that she can try lighting it up as soon as she has it. :D

Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)? I feel like this is such a petty thing to make a big deal about...if they knew how to commute or any other way to get to their destination, I don’t think this should be a problem. It would only be an issue to me if they refused to get a license in a very I-generally-lack-ambition kind of way.

How would you react if your artwork became famous? I don’t have any to show off to begin with. I love appreciating art, but creating it was never a forte of mine.

Would you get your nipples pierced? No, I don’t plan on getting any piercings. How many people know your birthday? Outside of my family, my best friends. I think everyone else relies on Facebook to be reminded, which is fine with me.

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? No. Quite the contrary, really...I was sometimes informed about red flags taking place, which of course my stubborn ass ignored.

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? Probably, as a kid. The channel from which I used to watch WWE aired these really long infomercials so I would watch those while waiting for like Raw or whatever show was going on after.

What is your current MySpace song? I never hung out on Myspace. I had an account, but I was too young for it so it wasn’t long before I got bored.

What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich? Pulled pork or fried chicken.

Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? I only have one ex.

How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets? I find it really cute. But I personally wouldn’t put in as much effort lol.

Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins? Hmmmmmmmm I don’t think so.

What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? She threatened suicide in front of me and my dad in a very calm way when I was around 11, I think? Maybe 12, idk. I haven’t actually thought about that moment in an extremely long time until this question. I’ll move on now and shove the memory at the very very back of my head before I get sad.

Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? Aside from members of BTS (lol), interior design inspirations.

Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike? Ooh, love. When I bite into a cookie it hassssss to ooze chocolate, otherwise I would be underwhelmed.

If your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex’s clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them? Support.

Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful? They both are.

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? Anything that has to do with writing (except poems), I guess? I like being able to give people advice and tips when it comes to that.

When was the last time you got all dolled up? Last July when we had a big PR media launch thingy and I couldn’t afford to look like shit on Zoom.

Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) Never.

Do you have a criminal record? Not criminal but it’s possibleeeee that I have some kind of record on my license from the time I got stopped by an officer in Alabang, lmao. It was a minor offense from a tiny part of the town so I don’t actually know if they filed it, but it’s possible.

Last person you took a nap with? I don’t really nap with other people. I hate falling asleep in front of others to begin with.

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well? No.

Do you think someone likes the same person you like? I don’t like anybody.

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? No, I do not want to stay in a pandemic and not get to maximize my life the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed forever.

Have you ever been to craigslist.com? I’ve never checked it out; idk if we have that here?

What about eBay? I also dunno if they operate here so no, I’ve never bothered.

Have you ever used Nair? Not Nair, but I’ve used Veet before.

Are you medicated? Nope.

Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows? I never do stuff to my eyebrows except shave them.

Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Several articles of clothing were left behind here, yeah. I never had the chance to give them back because I stupidly thought we were going to get back together eventually. By the time I moved on the timing was already off, so the clothes stayed with me untillll...just a few days ago, actually – when I finally cleaned up my room and got rid of a bunch of knickknacks that accumulated here over the years, including all her shirts and sweaters and stuff.

Could you make a statement about anything political? The 2022 presidential election landscape looks like complete shit and I’m nearly at that point where I want to stop giving a fuck about this country’s future.

Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? No.

Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? I think I’m already living in it, haha.

Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Sure, but cliché is also hit and miss for me. I love Titanic and Love Actually, but I cannot stand movies like Me Before You and The Notebook. I guess it depends on certain executions, like the acting, screenplay, casting, etc.

Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? No, not inside. We did drive-thru within the last month, though.

Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? Not at Andi’s, but I have at Angela’s.

How often do you go bowling? Extremely rarely. I can’t tell you the last time I went bowling.

Last time you were in an apartment? Like 2007 when I visited my aunt back when she still lived in one. None of my friends have their own apartments.

Have you ever seen a live seahorse? I don’t think so.

Would you like to have your own yacht? I mean I wouldn't say no if you offered it to me for free, but I'm not exactly interested in one. < Same.

Winnie the Pooh or Tigger? Tigger always made me laugh as a kid.

What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today? Luncheon meat, I think? I didn’t go overboard with the junk food today.

Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? Hm, not that I can recall.

What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot? A bag of the salted egg chips that I really like costs like 30 bucks, or roughly 60 US cents.

What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to? I don’t have any irl crushes, can I use a celebrity crush instead? HAHA he’s heavily into jazz and whenever he gets asked for music recos he always gives jazz artists from like the 50s and 60s.

Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were? Gab. Dark brown.

Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? The Big Bang Theory and Friends; and then I also liked humming to the themes of Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, and BoJack Horseman. The Phineas & Ferb theme was also a lot of fun to sing along to.

Do you eat dessert after dinner? No, I never do that. I’m usually already full after dinner, and we don’t always have sweets at home anyway.

Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day? Sure.

When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? Cocktails. I very rarely go for hard drinks/shots, especially if I brought my own car.

What was the last animal that you saw? Dog.

What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings? I just told my sister I was done using her laptop so she can have it back. My Memories of 2020 DVD turned out to be region-locked so I have to use her laptop every time I want to watch it :(

What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for: My Map of the Soul photobook cost me around 5k in total.

What is your favorite messaging program? Messenger.

Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week? Wow no. Aside from being extremely unhealthy, that’s also a LOT of spending??

Have you ever almost drowned? Yes.

Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook? I mean I’ve had to learn about more than one family death through my Facebook feed, which sucks but is nothing I have control over. Otherwise the most shocking thing I’ve seen is probably classmates from high school having their own kids, but at this point I’m used to it already.

What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted? I’m not really afraid of carrying/petting animals especially if there’s a guide or expert nearby, but the most daring one was probably the crocodile I volunteered to hold in Palawan.

Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for? Not at all.

Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? I hate Mondays for obvious reasons lol. I don’t know anyone who is actively cheery about reporting back to work.

If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? I never eat oatmeal. I had that every single day for breakfast from like kindergarten to 4th grade and I vowed never to take a spoonful of it again.

What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? I dunno. I used to keep a log of the things my ex used to say in her sleep and a great deal of them were hilarious, but obviously I deleted that note a long time ago.

Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Butterfinger.

Do you use Mozilla Firefox? Nopes.

Who is your favorite person to hug? Angela and Laurice.

Have you ever had to have a mug shot? Nope.

What was the last thing you carried to your room? Kimi.

When was the last time you had a late night phone call? WELL over a year ago.

#survey #surveys

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fmdminhee · 3 years

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task. #famedrstask1.

notes: word counts are included with each individual answer! completed for +5 tracker points.

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. word count: 261.

minhee’s childhood prior to becoming a trainee is pretty much the exact same as before the restructuring. dance prodigy says fuck u crazy dance mom, i’m not gonna be maddie ziegler, and ends up becoming an idol. she started training a year earlier than before though, so she had a slightly longer training process! i think the most obvious change to everyone else is her faceclaim, which is now lee hyeri. buuuut if you take a look at her pages or app or anything else, you’ll see that she’s now a main dancer, lead vocal & rapper, rather than being a main dancer, lead rapper & vocal! this was sort of a selfish change on my part, because i wanted to open her up to some opportunities for solo work that wouldn’t have suited her before because of her position, but that would’ve fitted more along the lines of what i initially imagined for her image than the options actually available to her. she’s also been a lot happier for a lot longer, because instead of debuting with a concept she hated, minhee got to debut in ... an age appropriate group! if you look here, you can see some examples of what i thought of when thinking of minhee’s ideal group and ... yeah, lily lines up with that pretty well. not perfectly, but pretty well. she’s still dealing with her issues surrounding her family, her sexuality and her fear of aging, but for the most part, minhee’s a lot more settled, or even satisfied, in terms of her career.

what does your muse think of their company and their group? word count: 255.

let’s start with lily, minhee’s beloved. she loves her members, she loves the overwhelming majority of their songs, and she’s proud as hell of the legacy they’ve built up for themselves so far. to be honest, sometimes she it just hits her that oh shit, she’s minnie from lily! and oh shit, they’re basically the biggest girl group ever. no one tell her that candy inherited nation’s girl group or that ultraviolet are taking over the world, let her be dumb. no, but genuinely, she can’t believe the scale of what they’ve achieved sometimes. she doesn’t totally feel like she deserves all the love she gets. then there’s the company behind it all; bc entertainment. she wonders all the time if her mother would’ve went along with everything if it was any other company that minhee came home with a callback from. probably not. for that alone, she’s thankful. she sort of dislikes being portrayed as perfect and untouchable -- more silly and down to earth than a lot of her peers under the company, but still. it’s just part and parcel of bc’s status. the reason it gets to her is that she’s very much not that perfect girl next door that the company wants her to be, and she puts a lot of pressure on herself to live up to it. as such, minhee probably doesn’t take advantage of all of the resources being under bc allows her access to as much as she should, choosing instead to just grin and bear it.

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? word count: 260.

minhee is on her second contract. she renewed with bc in 2019 for a further seven years, which doesn’t feel like that long of a time. seven years seemed like a liftetime when she signed her debut contract in 2012, but it went by pretty fast for her. finding out what the rest of her members were doing was the most important thing for minhee when choosing whether or not to renew. with lily’s status in the industry, the money she made over the previous years, and the wealth belonging to her family, she felt confident that she’d be okay no matter what happened. a safety net. but her preference was always going to be to continue with the rest of lily if possible. she wouldn’t have forced the issue if the others didn’t want to though ... at least not on purpose. knowing minhee, she probably would’ve been crying all over the place and ended up messing with everyone’s plans like that. maybe she would’ve put out an ad like, “nation’s girl group in search of new agency. must be willing to take in four fully grown women and meet all of their demands.” as for the terms in her second contract, minhee was looking for some more royalties and some reassurance that lily would continue to receive the levels of resources and investment that they were already receiving from the company, as well as more opportunities for her to grow as a soloist. she didn’t want them falling by the wayside. she’s too young to be washed up!

what are your muse’s goals and motivations? word count: 259.

in terms of her career, minhee actually has some pretty lofty ambitions. her top two focuses are solo music and modeling, and they’re basically split an even 50/50. she wants to continue releasing upbeat solo songs, but as for the music itself, aside from some dabbling in lyrics, she’s happy to leave it to the professionals. her primary interest, aside from the obvious performance and promotion aspects, lies in developing her own choreography. for her own songs firstly, but also for lily’s songs, and maybe even others within the company. outside of bc remains to be seen. she’s been really inspired over the years by a lot of the dancers and choreographers that she’s worked with, even from before entering bc, and she’d like to inspire someone else some day too! and modeling ... i can’t lie, minhee just likes looking pretty and getting free stuff, so she’d like to do some more of that.

as for her personal life ... messy as hell! she still really wants to find love but still only goes looking for it with fuckboys. she wants to get closer with her dad and her extended family, but is finding it difficult to pull off while also keeping her mother at arm’s length. she also can’t help antagonising her mother because she’s a dumb brat. i don’t think minhee realises it yet, but she’s slowly coming to a place of self acceptance too. when she does realise it, i think that’s something that will really motivate her to be the best she can be.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? word count: 262.

i’ve talked in depth about minhee’s conflict over her sexuality here, which all still holds true, but i want to take this opportunity to talk about something else very close to my heart concerning minhee that i’ve mentioned once or twice in passing but never explicitly. minhee is autistic. she just doesn’t know it yet. some fun mun trivia is that i’m autistic! but, as is typical for a lot of afab people, i was basically an adult by the time it was diagnosed. you might say, hey sucy, stop projecting on your muses, but i say no! write what you know and all that. it’s kind of ironic though, because not even i realised minhee could very well be autistic until i’d written her for two years, and deciding took me another. and now she has to go through the diagnostic process again in character, smh me. anyways, yeah, minhee is probably going to have it suggested to her pretty soon while seeking some help for her anxiety about aging, and after that she’s gonna have to recontextualise her whole life because it’s truly like a lightbulb moment for a lot of people, myself included. suddenly everything that was weird to you growing up makes sense. it’s kind of a lot to wrap your head around, and would be for anyone, so writing about that for minhee is going to be interesting. i mentioned above that she’s been kind of moving towards self acceptance anyways, and i think this will be a very big turning point for her on that journey.

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. word count: 277.

she does! her individual activities consist of modeling jobs and a couple of variety show cast positions, because i felt that these were the avenues she would’ve been pushed down up until more recently in her career, when her interest in choreographing for herself would’ve really taken off. minhee has really enjoyed her career so far. she feels settled within the entertainment industry, and that type of security is so sexy to her. the less chance that her mother can say i told you so the better.it’s kind of a big difference for her in terms of character actually, but this incarnation of minhee likes being on variety shows! she’s actually confident appearing on them! this is because of the difference in concept between lily and lipstick. lipstick’s minnie’s confidence took a long time to build up. lily’s minnie’s didn’t. she’d like to be on more variety shows in the future, especially something competition based, like dancing with the stars ... or masterchef, for a laugh, because she’d be the first person eliminated. and then, there’s the modeling. as mentioned a couple of questions ago, it’s something she wants to focus pretty tightly on going forward. her favourite brand that she’s been the ambassador for so far is crocs. she loves her crocs. she has, like, five different colours. crocs, please sign minhee again. working with etude house and kloud was pretty cool too though. sometimes she’s still able to swing free beers when she goes out. so, going forward, she wants to continue with those types of gigs, as well as pursuing more solo music and developing her skills as a choreographer, like i mentioned earlier!

#famedrstask1 #yes i did this instead of getting dowoon's intro ready!!! but ... now i'll go do that please love my silly middle child's changelog!!#yep . minhee's now the middle child of my kids that's crazy

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andrew2luv · 3 years

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The Angel Next Door - Chapter 3

“This was fun. Thanks for showing me around.” Asher pulls into the driveway.

“I really only showed you a playground and an ice cream place.”

“Where else would I want to go?”

“You’re so going to be getting lost a lot.”

“Just another reason for you to drive me around again.”

“Yeah. Sure. I would tomorrow but I’ve gotta go to the studio.”

“Studio?”

“Yeah. I’ve been working on a new album for a while.”

“Cool. I’m so going to look you up on iTunes the second I get in my room.”

“Really? I’m scared.”

“Good. And I’m definitely watching some Andi Mack.”

“Oh god…” I laugh as he looks nervous.

“Don’t worry. I’m very kind. Not judgy at all.”

“Somehow I don’t believe that.”

“How rude.”

We both step out of the car.

“Should I expect to hear you sneaking out tonight?”

“Maybe.” He looks at me. “Probably.” We laugh. “You’re welcome to come with me.”

“Probably not.”

“Not yet.”

“Lord you’re pushy.”

“You know me so well already.”

“Just go inside. Your moms probably wondering where you’ve been.”

“Doubt it. Bye.”

“Bye.”

We separate and I walk into the house. I see my mom and Dave eating at the kitchen counter.

“Hey! We’re you out? I didn’t hear you leave.” My mom stands up.

“Oh, I just went for a walk.”

“Yeah. Sure. Try not to fuck up here like you did last year.” Dave continues eating and my mom just stands there.

“Yeah. Whatever.” I just walk straight up to my room and jump onto my bed.

I look back and to Asher’s window. He walks into his room and spots me. He smiles. And I just close the blinds.

3 DAYS LATER… 1 am…

Sometimes I wish I could sleep. I haven’t slept more than five hours a night since I was seven and had gymnastics practice at six every morning and had to stay up until midnight to do homework.

Sadly I don’t have much to do late at night or early in the morning these days. So I usually go out. I find somewhere to go. Someone to be with. And then I try and stay busy until I’m truly ready to collapse in bed.

And then we moved here. I know no one. I know nothing. And I can’t really get around with a car. So unless I want to spend money on a ride, I’ve either got to walk or stay in.

Tonight I decided to stay in, kinda. I’m on the roof. Just enjoying the silence of the night, looking up at the starry skies, and smoking a beautiful spliff. It’s relaxing.

“I thought I smelt you.” I nearly throw my spliff and slide off the roof as Asher steps out his window.

“Lord you’re creepy.”

“And you’re high.”

“Really?”

“What’s going on? I texted you the other day. Did you give me a fake number?”

“No. I just didn’t respond.”

“Wow.” He sits on his roof and faces me. “Did I say something the other day? I’m sorry if we got a little deep or something.”

“Do you ever just relax? Have a little fun?”

“Do you ever get serious? Be real?”

“Wow. Look who’s all funny now.”

“Look who’s being a dick.” He gets up and starts moving towards his window.

“Oh come on. Don’t run away.”

“Goodnight. Try not to hurt yourself.”

“Boo, you whore.”

10 am…

So… I woke up and immediately felt like shit. Not physically or anything, but because of what happened with Asher. I was definitely not in a great headspace when I started smoking and I’ve been told I can be quite a bitch when I smoke. So I know that I need to apologize… if Asher will even give me a minute… or second.

I basically wait all day hoping to see Asher either in his room or somewhere outside his house. Sadly his curtain is closed. And no sign of him anywhere.

The Next Day… 6 am

He’s taking his dog for a walk! It’s early and the sun has just started to rise, so it’s still pretty cool out. And I waste absolutely no time putting my shoes out, slide out my window and run to catch up with Asher.

“Hey.” I catch up to him, casually walking up. “Hey boy.” His dog comes up to me. “You’re so cute.” Asher is still silent. “Hey.” I stand up and face Asher, who doesn’t look amused. “I’m sorry.”

I honestly don’t know what else to say. I’m very nervous and I’m not used to feeling this way. I’m just usually not someone to apologize. Mostly because I’m right. But this time I’m not.

“By now you know that I’m not the emotional type of person. And if you tell anyone I said this I will deny it. But… you’re probably the kindest person I’ve met so far in my life and somehow are able to make me open up by some sort of miracle. I don’t get it, but I don’t hate it. I actually kinda like it. So I’m hoping that at some point, whether in a minute, two weeks, or ten months that you will be able to forgive me and we can continue hanging out.” I stand there for a few seconds as his dog licks my leg. “Um… have a good walk.”

I turn around and start walking off.

“Spencer.” I immediately smile, but then hold it in and turn around. “Wanna walk with us?”

“Sure.” I walk back to him and we start walking.

“How many times did you practice that speech?”

“What? No! That was completely spontaneous.”

“Yeah. Sure.” We both laugh.

“So what are your plans today?”

“Actually I’ve got to go do some things for Shazam 2. That’s why I’m awake so early.”

“Bummer. Tonight?”

“Family dinner.”

“Damn.”

“But I could always check to see if you can come along today.”

“Yeah. That would be great.”

“I’m not promising anything, but I’ll try.”

As I sit in my room I’m shocked to hear a little clink on my window. I turn and see Asher over on his roof.

“Hey. Look who’s trying to get my attention now.”

“Well, I don’t have to give you the good news then.”

“Oh just spill it.”

“Well there’s good and not so good news.”

“Oh no… should I get my flask out.”

“Shut up! Throw that flask away.”

“No, but I promise not to take it out if you just get to the point already.”

“So if you want to come today you can. We’re going all over the place to do all sorts of things. But we can make it fun.”

“Great! Anything to get out of this house.”

“Oh wow. So you’re just using me?”

“Oh calm down princess.” He laughs and I realize I’ve missed hearing his laugh.

“The other news is that… my mom has invited you, your mom, and Dave to family dinner tonight.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah… but hopefully we can sneak away early in and maybe go out for a little.”

“Go out?”

“Yeah. I’ll let you choose where.”

“Anywhere?”

“Within reason.”

“Oh, it’s cute you think there’s any reasoning with me.”

“Oh lord. Be ready to go in ten.”

I just give him two thumbs up before he goes back in.

It’s honestly a lot. Asher has to do more than I thought just for a movie role. We went and picked up some revised scripts that involved me sitting in the car alone for nearly 45 minutes. Then we moved on to some building where we went in and Asher got measurements taken, tried on at least 50 different outfits, and had many pictures taken of him. That part wasn’t too bad. I liked seeing him in these adorable outfits. He got excited over it and had a bunch of fun getting his photo taken.

From there we went and got a quick lunch.

After lunch, we went to his manager’s office. I had to sit out in the waiting room as he and his mom went in. They were in there for a ridiculously long time. All Asher told me was that they were planning all his flight dates, dates for PR stuff, and some future projects.

From there, our last stop was a quick stop at the dry cleaners. We grabbed a shit load of clothes then headed back home.

“Sorry ‘bout all that. I thought you would’ve been able to join in on more of it. Have a little more fun.”

“It’s fine. Kinda interesting to see how much it takes to get ready for a movie.”

“Yeah. It’s very interesting.”

“So when does filming begin?”

“Well not filming, but I have to be there for rehearsals in a month.”

“Okay… and how long will you be gone?”

“Three to four months. Depends on reshoots.”

“Shit.”

“Well, you’ll have to come down and visit at some point.”

“Yeah. Sounds fun.”

Then the doorbell rings.

“The neighbors are here.” Asher stands up.

“We could still jump out the window and run.”

“No… come on.”

“Ugh.” He yanks me up from the ground. “This is gonna be a nightmare.”

4 notes · View notes

snkpolls · 4 years

Text

SnK 131 Chapter Poll Results

The chapter poll closed with 2,192 responses. This month’s poll results were brought to you by @momtaku, /u/staraves, Crunchwrap, u/_Puppet_, Luna. Thanks as always for your support.

RATE THE CHAPTER 2,118 responses

This was a standout chapter for the fandom, garnering a positive rating from over 90% of respondents and an average score of 4.68 which makes it the highest rated chapter since 122 - and in the top 5 in the history of the poll! Many of you were eager to express your enjoyment of it, with this question getting the most responses it has since chapter 102 (over two years ago!). As we go deeper into the endgame, it’s good to know enthusiasm is going strong.

Yams is a damn genius. This is one chapter I have not been able to stop thinking about or rereading. It's just... its so fucked up and SO. WELL. DONE.

I really, really loved this chapter. My favourite so far probably.

This is the first time I cried after a chapter. It hit me so hard.

Almost made me quit the manga. We finally got a confession from Armin, but right in the middle of all that grief, I couldn't enjoy it. Poor Ramzi and Halill, and all other innocent people beyond and within the Walls.

This chapter has had a ripple effect on how I’m seeing the series now in retrospect. I’ve been re-reading the manga , & I’ve become very melancholic after the Rumbling , knowing everything was leading to this.

This was a phenomenal chapter. Thank you Isayama for everything.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT?

2,137 responses

Finding a favorite moment in a tragic chapter isn’t easy but we managed. “Child Eren’s moment of happiness” tops the list with an impressive 30% of respondents. “Seeing the reality of the rumbling” (18.8%), “Eren’s tearful apology to Ramzi” (15.9%) and “Getting Eren’s thoughts on the Rumbling while in Marley” (13.8%) round out the top four.

Very cool to finally see the destruction caused by the rumbling and some more insight into Eren's character

I like that this chapter showed perspectives from both the initiator of the rumbling (Eren) and the victims of his choice. It makes you sympathize with Eren, but at the same time, terrifies you with the price humanity has to pay.

Definitely one of the most depressing, if not the most depressing chapter thus far. Isayama brilliantly handled the transition between Eren's despair and the result of Eren's despair (Rumbling). Beautiful artwork. Great cliffhanger. Definitely a 9/10.

Tragic, Terrifying, Heartbreaking also Awesome because atleast AruAni became somewhat cannon

beautiful art as usual

The freedom scene with kid eren is the most beautiful/horrifying scene of the manga.

I also loved the Annie and Armin talk, anyone who says it's shipping cringe is a child, this was a long time coming and it was executed beautifully. (I also love how Hitch was mentioned twice, she would be proud of Armin this chapter.)

Ramzi and Halil deaths were the saddest part of this chapter, and I don't know about Ymir, but I guess she's helping Eren.

The panel showing the wall titans faces, especially the one shown on the right with empty eye sockets, gave me the chills. Can't wait to see how things will go down between the gang and Eren.

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP? 2,144 responses

This month giving us the most harrowing chapter in a while made it feel wrong to be looking for an MVP amidst all this despair, and almost half of you agree (47.5%). Just over a quarter of you believe the Eren focus earned him the spot (28.9%), with 9.4% choosing Armin and 9.1% selecting best bros Ramzi and Halil. A distant minority of you chose Annie and Birb, the former of which coming dead last. Poor Annie, you’ll be more popular than a bird one day.

the true mvp was the depression we got along the way

Eren needs a hug

Eren needs to be put down.

I really admire the way Isayama deeply makes you care for a character in a few panels, like he did for those two - relatively unknown - boys.

Annie is the best girl

birbs are the rreak mvp since chap 1

EIGHT MONTHS AFTER FIRST APPEARING IN THE MEMORY SHARDS, WE GET FEZ-KUN’S STORY. DID IT LIVE UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS? 2,121 responses

Only a month ago, the fandom had no idea what to make of the mysterious Fez-Kun. The plucky pickpocket had a simple but effective story, and knew more secrets than he could possibly have understood. A perfect half of respondents were pleasantly surprised with Fez kid’s part in the story. 41.2% were content as it was about what they expected. 6.2% wanted to see a more in-depth picture but alas, that chance has been crushed mercilessly along with Ramzi’s hopes and dreams (and… the rest of him). 2.5% just weren’t into anything that let Eren lean into some morally black territory. Don’t worry, there are still plenty of grey shades here. Very dark shades of grey.

I didn't expect Ramzy's story to be expanded on, but it's so brutal to see the man he's been talking to killing him, his brother, his family and his hopes.

I know Ramzi and Halil were plot devices, but damn their death hit hard.

I think Eren saving Ramzi is foreshadowing. He knew Ramzi was gonna die in rumbling, yet he saved him. Same will happen, after someone reaching him and reminding him who he is, Eren will stop this madness and die. Or I wanna be hopeful.

even if i'm satisfied with Ramzi's story, I wish there would have been more to it because it is a tiny bit dissapointing but it's more or less what I expected.

Ramzi and Halil didn’t deserve death

i think everybody who dies in this rumbling will get back alive same will happen to halil and ramzi they will come back alive

Ramzi and Halil's deaths were so horrible but so good to see, because this is what it means when you destroy the world. You don't get to pluck out the nice ones and enjoy killing the bad ones. It's the height of cruel selfishness. And no amount of apologies changes that.

Ramzi and Halil deserved so much better

WHY WAS EREN DISAPPOINTED THAT HUMANITY EXISTED OUTSIDE THE WALLS? 2,117 responses

There’s been disagreement over exactly what Eren meant when he said he was disappointed that humanity existed outside the walls and our poll reflects that. Just over a third of the fandom (34.2%) take Eren’s words literally and believe that his disappointment was with any existence of humanity since it marred his pristine childhood vision. The second most popular option is that he was disappointed in the attitudes, selecting “he was disappointed to discover all of humanity was filled with violence and oppression” (29.5%). We deliberately left off an “All of the above” option but that didn’t stop more than 50 people from writing it in.

He is disappointed at the fact that he has to fight humans with homes, families, pasts and futures and not mindless titans.

It's also a clear contrast between the outside world Armin envisioned and the one Eren wanted. Armin genuinely wanted to know more about it, Eren wanted his worldwide natural park to walk on. When it was full of civilization, he wanted to get rid of it. Like any typical villain wanting to purify the Earth of all the worms infesting it.

When he discovered that humans are just as cruel within the walls as without, it put his entire journey into perspective. He could not be Eren the hero or Eren the explorer and ultimately meant that the sacrifices made by his comrades were negligible in comparison to the big, cruel world , at least in his own mind.

He thought of all the beautiful landscapes and stuff that Armin showed him. Too bad there's these stupid humans in the way. Makes sense to eliminate the entire human population ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Everyone's fight against titans was pointless and the people who caged them could enjoy the things that Eren will never experience. The world is not a uninhabited landscape open to explore it, the world didn't need them and their freedom wasn't a possibility to enjoy it like the others civilizations do.

The world was out there and yet they did NOTHING to help Eldia

yes, eren is disappointed because there are now more enemies. but more than that, he's disappointed that they're not the monsters he's imagined them to be. that he can't kill them without feeling guilt and remorse.

he would never be able to enjoy the freedom he wanted because the clock is ticking and he will have to keep on resisting the whole world till the end without ever having time to properly realize his dream

I think he's disappointed in the fact that he's feeling sorry for humanity outside the walls just like Reiner used to feel sorry about people inside the walls. When he discovered Reiner was a traitor, he especially hated that part of his behavior, and how he realizes they're not that different, and in any case he's worse because at least Reiner had his child soldier brainwashing as an excuse

His disappointment is as bad as it sounds, having to deal with humans outside the walls was too bothersome for him and when the option to wipe them out was available to him, he was more inclined to take it, instead of fight for another resolution.

Typical privileged White boy outraged by prejudice and hatred OUTSIDE the walls, as if that didn't exist in Paradis already.

Any hopeful expectation Eren had of the outside world were completely decimated. Not only did he discover that humanity hadn't perished, but they actively contributed to or blissfully ignored Paradis' hell. In addition, the outside world is exploiting one other for resources. Paradis’ synthetically concocted hell is just part of a game to the outside world (there’s some uncomfortable real-world allusions here and I think it’s important that it’s being explored). Eren thought he was the saviour of humanity only to discover everything's he's done was for naught, humanity's the problem in his eyes.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF EREN’S CONTRADICTORY NATURE? 2,106 responses

Deciding to crush the vast majority of the world and its citizens kind of takes a mental toll on people. Who knew? 48% of respondents think Eren’s emotional breakdown side by side with determination to reach freedom at any cost is simply him deciding the results will be worth his immense guilt. 23.2% think it’s a very human case of cognitive dissonance, and that Eren’s just trying to juggle his conflicting values. 19.2% believe his mental state is fraying at the seams reminiscent of the way Reiner’s did. 6.8% don’t buy that there’s any contradiction being shown here.

He was willing to throw away his humanity to become the monster that brings change

He's being a hypocrite. His guilt doesn't hold any value because it's entirely his choice. He's apologizing because there's no greater good, just his selfish dream.

He's never been okay, it's just that we're finally seeing him for who he is without the "protagonist illusion".

I don't think it's contradictory though. He's grieving sure, but he's also going along with his plan. Because he wants to be free.

He's not mentally stable and it shows

He's to some extent influenced by the Shingeki and/or its previous holders

He's trying to convince himself that humanity is evil sl he won't feel guilty about what he's doing

Hes a fully grown adult who knows better, no matter how bad he feels he doesnt deserve sympathy

The future cannot be changed and Eren is a slave to the attack titan's objective to push foreward

This chapter shows a lot of parallel between Eren and Reiner, he even said himself that he's worse than Reiner in the genocide that he's created. says himself that

What a fucking asshole

When Eren saw the future he knew the rumbling was inevitable so he is the one having to carry to burden of being ‘humanity’s enemy’ whether or not it was Eren to fulfill the rumbling it would’ve happened either way so he isn’t immediately a devil

Erens nature isn’t contradictory. He’s just now becoming self aware of the impact of his violent nature

He feels guilty about his actions and feels sorry for people who are going to be killed, but on the other hand - he is selfish and will do everything to reach his perfect reality.

Humans are an amalgamation of their actions. They sometimes arrive at destinations they did not fully intend. They may also realize too late that the path that they’ve set down is leading them in a direction they are not happy with, but eren is too far gone. He’s sane, understands he is objectively evil, but cannot turn back.

He totally snapped and turned into the psychopath that was sleeping inside of him for a long time. It was indeed very dangerous to entrust him with more power than he can handle.

Isayama did the same thing with Zeke. I think he likes the idea of the cool, mysterious guy, but it falls flat when the motivation doesn’t line up & the characters turn out to be crying & weak to fit the narrative once it’s revealed.

I don't know how to word this, but he is caged in his own vision to the point where any human decency and the ability to think is killed. Only a selfish, hateful and childish shell remained that is throwing a tantrum over his childbook fairytale not being true. It's not the same as Reiner, because Eren chose this. He wanted this, it is his fault. He had the power to stop this, but didn't. He can apologize as much as he wants, but he isn't feeling sorry at all.

He feels guilty, which is why he is having a mental breakdown like Reiner.

He’s having a mental breakdown but it's worse than Reiner's

painfully obvious this chapter was just Eren trying by all means to justify the Rumbling. Not because of some noble intention or cornering them into the inevitable, but just because he wanted to erase the world.

the eren reiner parallels man.. they never stop

IN HIS FINAL MOMENTS, RAMZI SEES AN APPARITION OF YMIR. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? 2,104 responses

Ymir has finally appeared since we last saw her in chapter 122, and her presence as well as motivations are seemingly shrouded in mystery. Over a third believe she is watching everything but not necessarily feeling good or bad about it (32.1%), and some of you think she may be questioning her decision (16.2%). A minority of you opted to choose that her appearance means she is enjoying seeing it unfold (9.6%), or that we are witnessing a phenomenon related to titan deaths that have occurred all this time (7.5%). The most popular choice, however, (34.6%) is simply expressing bewilderment at the Evangelion-esque shenanigans we’re seeing.

Ymir could be the one doing all the actions of destruction since Eren let her free.

i really think after ymir appeared again even tho eren freed her that she's regretting giving him the founder's power and will have a role is taking him down

the presence of Ymir intrigues me and I hope that in the next chapter we will have her point of view.

I think Ymir is the one who's been pulling the ropes for a long time. Whenever Eren thinks there might be another way (especially throught he disappearance of the Eldian race) he compulsively thinks that he just CAN'T accept that, like there's a force driving him towards seeking freedom.

I hope that Ymir appearance means that she is counting and seeing Eren victims so she can create them Again without Eldian hate

Ymir being outside, and Kid Eren appearing in the paths might have a connection. Ymir was a grownup when she was killed but inside the paths she was shown a kid. Same as Eren being shown in the paths. This might signifies Eren is not in control of the situation but Ymir is.

I have had theories for a while about Ymir possibly turning on Eren, whether this is to save the world to show she is better than Eren, or to bring Paradis to destruction as well to show she is just as bad.

WHAT IN THE EVA?

Loved the Evangelion reference. YAMS YOU MADLAD!

Ymir might be the true enemy

WHAT THE FUCK IS YMIR AYANAMI DOING THERE?

WHAT IS KID EREN DOING HERE? 2,099 responses

Child Eren appears in one of the most stunning panels of the chapter, but what does it mean? Two options came out on top, with the idea that Eren is mentally regressing to a child (37.9%) edging out that it’s symbolism comparing child Eren to current Eren (36.1%).

I think we are going to see different Eren during the rumble, the past with Eren as a child, the future perhaps with a more mature or elderly Eren and the Eren of the present.

Adult Eren is incapacitated and Kid eren took his place through paths, will wake up for the "see you later, Eren"

Adult Eren unknowingly brought kid Eren’s consciousness to the present while he was sleeping under the tree. This is part of his “dream” that he had at the beginning of the story.

It is symbolises Erens mentality as a kid and how his flawed ideology doesn't hold up to the real world he faced outside of the walls. Also to cope.

Eren is the only character who cannot overcome the cycle of violence, so he will die.As you know, only without people can you become absolutely free, so he enjoys it when he realizes that nothing else binds him.

He has taken over paths from ymir, but since he is not bound by anything, he can do whatever the hell he wants, and is the reason he connected to armin while speaking to him.

It shows that Eren is not fully in control of the PATHS. For example in this scene, he remembers Armin because of his memory as a child talking about freedom with Armin then Armin suddenly appears although Eren himself didn't wish for something like that to happen thus it's just to show that PATHS connecting all Subjects of Ymir even in different timeline.

This links in with Floch... Eren loves Floch.

He was dreaming about the past and accidentally used the power of the Founder to show his younger self a vision of the Attack Titan's current point of view.

He's a sociopathic freak

It is symbolic of his old dream that he will have to give up on soon.

Can I say all of the above again? I saw it as a representation of Eren in his most pure, idealistic state which is then contrasted by the realistic horror of the destruction he is causing.

Brought into the present by adult Eren to give his younger self a taste of freedom without all the guilt. This is the beginning of the long dream kid Eren awakes from in Chapter 1.

Child Eren's Evangelion/Devilman(Crybaby)-esque "elation" seems like a metaphorical emotional release (and P A T H S shenanigans).

Something about the kid-Eren “freedom” scene is just so incredible and impactful; fully restored my faith that Isayama will deliver an amazing finale for this masterpiece.

THE MORE I LOOK AT THIS PANEL THE MORE MY HEART HURTS. ITS SO BEAUTIFUL YET SO DAMN FUCKED UP. GOD. FRICK. FRIIIICKKKKKK

KID EREN FINALLY WITNESSES “THAT SIGHT”, BUT WHAT DID HE ACTUALLY SEE? 2,113 responses

The world-shattering reveal almost a year ago of Eren gaining an important glimpse into the future, characterised as “that sight”, was finally answered in this chapter -- or was it? The majority of you believe kid Eren was merely enjoying the view from above that filled him with freedom, blissfully ignorant to the carnage of the rumbling (50.8%). Close to a quarter (23.8%) think he was able to see the rumbling but was enjoying the freedom in spite of it, with a small portion (5%) believing all the death was a part of his glee. Some aren’t yet sold on the idea that this is “that sight”, perhaps believing we will see it later (20.4%).

I don't think that his inner child is aware of the rumbling. He is only focused on the scenery and wants Armin to see that too.

A world without any walls is what kid eren always wanted to see. Through paths, kid eren achieved this (without seeing the death)

HOW WILL ARMIN BEING ABLE TO SEE KID EREN THROUGH PATHS AFFECT THE PLOT? 2,114 responses

Child Eren showing up was confusing enough, but he had to see Armin through paths too!? What does it mean!? A majority, at 55.5% think it foreshadows Armin’s coming importance in whatever the endgame turns out to be. Almost a third, at 28.6% think that it also opens up the possibility for other characters to connect with Eren through paths.

Armin was the person Eren has been sharing his dreams with. He is mentally showing his friend that the realisation of their dreams is finally at hand.

Eren can call forth anyone he wants, but if he doesn't want to see them I'm not sure if they could get to him

It foreshadows Armin and Eren clashing on a deeper level. I don't think anyone can actually stop Eren at this point.

Eren is so suped up with in this final form and with Ymir's "support" that when he thought about Armin it created a link through the paths.

Armin gets to briefly see the old "idealistic" Eren again. The one he can somewhat see eye-to-eye with and incidentally "created".

I think it might be just a visual metaphor on how Armin and Eren never really understood each other while sharing the same dream and that Armin is realizing that (I mean that the dream of "seeing the outside world" didn't mean the same thing to them). Or it might be that Eren is in a comatose sort of state and that since he technically is in control of paths, his thoughts are "sent" to Armin since he's reflecting on their shared dream

It shows Eren and Armin both want the same end goal. Though they disagree on the means of getting to it

The world is not like the one he saw in Armin's book. Hence why he contacted him, this is his way of reaching for his vision of freedom that he was denied because of the trauma of the wall.

Reference to the ocean scene where Eren was depressed and Armin excited, now its reversed

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ARMIN AND ANNIE’S TALK ON THE SHIP? 2,124 responses

While this tiny moment of apparent romance was a delight for the 20% of the fandom who expressed “Whoo hoo Aruani is canon!!”, the remaining 80% were slightly more subdued in their reaction. The largest percentage (35.3%) was happy that the build up between their characters had some payoff. The second most popular selection had nothing to do with Armin or Annie at all with “I just wanna know what’s up with the birds” garnering 26% of the vote. Lastly, 11.2% felt like this moment was completely out of place, selecting “Now’s not the time for love drama Isayama.”

We better see Armin and Annie kiss next chapter

The Armin/Annie was not that necessary, I’d loved way more a more "group" discussion with Mikasa, Jean n Reiner in it. Old 104th days style

Besides the shipping moment, Annie just came to terms with that she’s still not alone, which is huge for her character

I'm not sure if Isayama knows how unnatural aruani is. These two had a grand total of 3 interactions, and sparing each other still isn't prone to romantic feelings blooming on either side.

a bad fking attempt by isayama at romance, should have stuck with eren historia love child

The aruani was unexpected but nice xD I don't exactly ship them but they are cute in this chapter(I can't help but feel one of them is getting a death flag because of this though💀)

What about them talking about all the shit she did or has been through? I wanted to see that.

SHE'S NOT TAKING MY MAN ISTG SHE'S NOT ON MY WATCH

Ship and let ship, this is actually a very intresting pairing and I think the scene flowed very naturally. But I still hope that in the future manga focuses more in the plot and not in the ships. I'd hope the same from fandom, but of course that's too much to ask...

This was a nice moment away from death and destruction

They’re definitely gonna die soon

am i the only one who don’t ship annie and armin? like bro... she squashed your little friends like bugs

Yoo bitch AruAni is canon LETSS FUCKING GOOO Love this cinnamon couple..More canon couple please Yams!

CANT BELIEVE ARMIN IS TRYING TO GET A GF WHEN MILLIONS R DYING HES FR A HOE🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

I only saw Bertolt there.

Maybe it's just me but i dont see anything romantic about the scene to me i prefer the weird friendship they have

While it seemed slightly out of place I’m glad Isayama touched on their “therapy sessions”.

Oh God no please don’t do this, Annie isn’t they type of character that needs any sort of romance in her story to be happy

Both aruani is canon 🥳 and wtf Isayama not the time…

c'mon falling for an enemy uncounscious girl with whom you have wangsty once-sided talks, a girl you manipulated to capture and used as a bait against enemies, really ???

They’re finally talking, I’ve been waiting so long for them to talk things out, also I really like Annie’s character development! And finally CANON, I’ve been waiting for sooooo long!!!!!!

I selected the bird because I feel threatened by it but also WOO HOO ARUANI IS CANON

I really enjoyed the scene between Annie and Armin. I think it further cements AOT as a very human narrative. They both know there are bigger things going on, but that doesn't allow them to turn off their very human emotions, which come out in a moment of rest. I don't believe this will necessarily lead to more romantic scenes between them, unless the ending of the story is far more hopeful than I expect it to be.

WHY DO YOU THINK EREN APPEARS TO BE IN A SLEEP-LIKE STATE? 2,088 responses

Not long after his grand arrival on the shore, Eren seems to be having a little nap. 45.3% of respondents think he’s relying on his base instincts for his walk around the world. 15.8% think he’s wide awake but just trying to ignore the squishy things he’s stepping on. Turns out it’s actually pretty tiring to declare war on the world, or so say 14.2% of you. 12.1% think it’s no coincidence his apparently sleepy face was shown right after the intense stare of birb, and 8.8% think that the image hints at a secret puppet master pulling Eren’s strings. We received a lot of comments suggesting Ymir might be the big bad after all - now how is Eren gonna earn that sweet sweet freedom if he’s not willing to bust a few billion skulls, eh?

He left the Attack Titan on auto-mode

i just wish to know that....now that Eren has a long ass neck.....will he come back as a human or....he will be like this forever

Symbolic of the fact that he isn’t really seeing the sight. It’s a fools errand like Eren’s goal.

I think it is symbolic. The 'adult' in him is sleeping while the 'child' in him is taking the reigns.

His consciousness has been transferred to his titan's brain. He's essentially an Attack Titan battery .

He is dreaming, ignorant to the destruction below and seeing the freedom he envisioned as a kid.

his consciousness is in PATHS dimension and he's controlling things from there

How the fuck is he sleeping when the wall titans are executing complex commands, like diving under ships and surrounding the city?

I don't think he is sleeping. He rather looks beaten and devastated and just numb to what he is doing in order to cope.

I figure that bc he's so big, he kind of has to be like this. Normally when he's in his titan with his eyes open, he's being active. I think that although he's set the titans in motion, he's in a more passive role now. He also can't be all that active when he's that huge, right?

I honestly don't know. I can speculate its connection to Ymir's apparition and child Eren's lucid dream?

He's irrevocably fucked thanks to good old Gabi and her rifle.

He's losing his will to live. Also leaves an opening for Armin to wake him up like he did in Trost.

HE'S THE SLAVE NOW

Maybe he is actively controlling / managing something else at the time? Maybe something crucial we don't know about yet, I don't believe that he is just exhausted.

His adult self is asleep now because his child self is having fun in his perfect world. Eren is mentally weak as adult but his inner child is strong and is reaching everything Eren always wanted - freedom and happiness.

He’s unable to regenerate due to controlling all the colossal titans, or just won’t because he wasn’t in Titan form when his head was blown off, meaning he will eventually die

i feel as if having eren not be in control would be mildly disappointing because the manga has done so much to set up erens decent into madness and how his actions became so extreme, i would be disappointed if all of that went to waste.

I would guess that Eren might be sifting through future memories at the moment. Looking at the "unknown world"/"the scenery" that made him smile wistfully instead of being horrified/the thing "beyond hell" Eren mentioned to Falco.

His adult self is sleeping now, while his young self is having fun.

I think hes not fully in control (maybe ymir calling the shots)

I'm kinda torn between him operating on base instincts and him being controlled by someone (Ymir?) so I'm gonna go with both as the possibility.

Maybe he really doesn't want this? I think Ymir's the one in control

Ymir is controlling him

He is not the one driving this titan, Ymir is.

Really? You talk about his eyes being closed and not the fact that he has the neck structure of a turkey!?

THE FINAL PAGE ENDS ON ARMIN’S HOPEFUL WISH FOR THE EXISTENCE OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD HE ENVISIONED AS A CHILD, BUT WHAT DO YOU THINK? 2,101 responses

Despite the darkness this chapter brought to the story, Armin ends on a hopeful note. The top two options were 36.8% thinking there’s a possibility Armin will in fact be able to stop Eren. and 33.7% believe Armin to be too optimistic, and that it won’t pan out the way he wishes.

Armin's recalling of his childhood dream with Eren in the last page made me think there's still a hidden solution to resolve the dilemma.

This chapter also shown Armin not wanting to give up with reconciling the Eren he wanted to see and the actual Eren. He hears no evil.

Tragic ending, yes, but I don't think Armin's hope is misplaced all the same. I think Eren cannot be stopped without death, but I also don't think the entire world will be destroyed, and I don't think it will end hopelessly.

Either Armin’s gonna save humanity or everybody just dies the end 😹

That one bird that was perched on the ship might be the symbol of peace. But I'm not sure how that peace is going to be achieved if the option's still on the table.

I hope the alliance is able to save Eren from doing this unthinkable sin.

Probably a blossoming hope through Armin breaking Eren from Ymir's plan uwu

I think Armin could join/support Eren

THIS CHAPTER CONTINUED THE BIRD MOTIF, THIS TIME HAVING A FOCUS ON SCENES ENDING WITH A BIRD STARING DIRECTLY AT A CHARACTER. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?! 2,067 responses

The Spy Birds theory seemed a bit nutty last month, but I don’t trust that seagull one bit. And it looks like many of you agree because that nutty theory has gone mainstream! The majority of respondents (54.1%) think that the birds are under the influence of a higher power, mainly that of Eren (27.4%) or Ymir (26.7%). 26.6% don’t think the birds are suspicious, they’re just free, man. 13% just reckon Isayama has moved on from his love of drawing thicc horses, and birds are the cool new animal. No complaints here. But I still don’t trust that seagull.

The birds are up to something

Animals sense danger coming from nature before humans do.

bird is symbol for freedom, but some bird like crow and raven in some culture are symbol for death.

I think that pigeons are watching me through P A T H S

Black birds symbolize the people's doom , white bird that flew to armin symbolises hope

black birds: death ; seagul: garbage :))) I dunno, the seagul was so random. It means they are approaching the shore?

EREN IS BRAN STARK IN AOT UNIVERSE LET'S GOO

I dont sure its eren or ymir. But i hope there is something about bird. I hope there are a huge plot twist

Might be another Odin parallel if Eren is using them, but I don't really see why he'd bother. I don't think he needs to do recon.

FREEEEEEEDOOOOOM

Last time I thought that the bird theory was a little far-fetched but now I think that's 100% the deal. That seagul is just somehow way too focused on to be just a random animal.

I commented in the previous poll that the birds are surveillance cameras and i’m even more convinced now. And isn’t it poetic that the Wings of Freedom logo is made up of a pair of black and white wings, representing the different interpretations of freedom pursued by Eren and Armin.

This is all just a Genjutsu by Itachi

my personal favorite theory, it’s zeke seeing everything transpire through the power of the beast titan

Pure!Boy Armin gets the seagull because he still has DREAMS and Eren gets crows because he wants to feast on human flesh.

WHAT'S UPP WITH THE BIRDS AAAAAAHHH TELL ME

I don't know but is really cool if you see it as a symbol of hope/freedom. Birds are the only kind who will not going to be tumble over the rumbling.

I think it's about the colors, black is dark, just like the destruction Eren is causing to the world (including Ramzi and Halil) and white is bright, just like the peace that Armin wished for and is aiming to achieve with the alliance

HOW DID THIS CHAPTER AFFECT YOUR VIEWS ON THE RUMBLING? 2,100 responses

If we thought seeing the reality of the rumbling would be a game changer when it comes to our view of it, we were wrong. Only 5% of people who formerly supported it no longer do. For the rest of us 44% do not support the rumbling and 30% do. Most curiously, 21% claim to have no opinion. More on that below when we mirrored this question about our views on Eren.

I still don't support The Rumbling, I just want it to stop. It doesn't do anything good for anyone, even Eren himself, and this awfully awesome chapter proves it. I totally expect that via P A T H S.FM Armin and Mikasa could stop him (and save him, physical or psychologically, idk) . It's the only plausible way.

I think the rumbling is justified but I don’t think the civilians who had nothing against Erin don’t deserve to die.

I don’t think there is any other solution, and that’s the point… His outburst at Hange tells me that he was desperate for something. This is coming from Eren who can essentially see everything and inherited multiple people’s memories. If he couldn’t come up with it, I don’t think anyone else can (aside from Armin? But I’m not holding my breath). The 50-year plan was a delusional fantasy at best, technology would evolve rapidly and nullify any threat the Rumbling poses.

I was still kind of hoping Eren had something up his sleeve that wasn't mass slaughter, but I guess we're going there

I believe the full rumbling is a morally grey decision, but I’ll concede and say it’s on the darker end of the spectrum. ultimately eren will have to answer for what he’s done, necessary or not killing millions of innocent people is a horrible thing to do.

The world was never peaceful, and never will be. The Rumbling was inevitable, nothing could stop that.

ON A SCALE FROM “IT’S JUST A FLESH WOUND” TO “HOLY SHIT THIS IS AWFUL”, HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PORTRAYAL OF THE RUMBLING? 2,110 responses

This probably didn’t need to be asked but we did it anyway. For the vast majority of us, the portrayal of the rumbling was overwhelming in terms of sheer horror. “It’s awful! I love it!” seems to be a common reaction.

Whelp... we wanted to see the rumbling. I guess be careful what we wish for.

I am once again reminded how gory SnK can be.

No holds barred. This is the sad, traumatic truth that we asked for.

RIP in pieces Clown-kun

At this point, it makes me sick to read pro-rumbling posts. Normally, when you like a villain or a morally grey character (Eren went past this point long ago) you enjoy seeing how their mentality works. And this is fully respectable, but not the "uuuh my baby did nothing wrong". If we did the same with our kings Floch and Zeke, it would be crazy, wouldn't it?

I’m glad the Rumbiling was shown in its full glory. It didn’t hide anything about the situation and was very gory. I’m glad we were shown what happened to the people during it, and not just after.

I can't feel engaged in the rumbling when it has been the default scenario since the sea, but more specifically 123. The boy had a death flag the size of Marley and now he's dead. Thanks for the shock, Yams. I'm interested in the potential of everything else. I hope I didn't follow this story for the final conflict to be whether to save more people or less people

It was great to see the Rumbling in its full gore. Isayama showed it masterfully and rly put emphasis on how terrifying and disturbing it is. I was never anti or pro of it before, bc I'm just enjoying the view as the reader, that didn't change, and I still like Eren bc he is a very entertaining character.

I loved seeing how awful everything was. Ofc in real life I wouldn't support it, but narratively? Wow!

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING BEST DESCRIBE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE RUMBLING? (MULTISELECT) 2,109 responses

This chapter didn’t hold back in its brutal display of the rumbling, and it may be difficult to find the words to describe it, so we gave you twelve. A clear majority are able to agree on it being both tragic and terrifying, closely followed by those who would describe it as unavoidable, distressing or immoral. The choices in the minority included describing the rumbling as awesome, justified or heroic. Fun fact, over a third of the people who chose “heroic” also described it as some combination of “excessive”, “immoral” and “indefensible”. Talk about mixed feelings.

HOW DID THIS CHAPTER AFFECT YOUR VIEWS ON EREN? 2,093 responses

If we thought seeing the horrors of the rumbling would be a game changer when it comes to our view of the person who unleashed it, we were wrong. This chapter did nothing to change the minds of the 40% who support Eren and the 30% who do not. Only a minority (8.3%) said this chapter made their support for Eren wane.

We were most curious about the 20% who selected “I have no opinion.” When we’ve waited so eagerly for Eren’s POV, how could a quarter of the fandom be neutral on how it affected them? Was this a failure on Isayama’s part or were our poll options poorly worded? We decided that rather than having no opinion, “I don’t know what to think yet” might have been the better cop out...err I mean *neutral* option :P

I was one of those that was convinced that there had to be something more to the Rumbling, and this chapter shocked me to my core by revealing that there really isn't. Eren is just that disturbed. We wanted Eren POV but we weren't ready for it. Now I just want to see how Armin and Mikasa end this.

i love eren so much nothing can make me hate him but he is insane... all this and for what. THEY COULDNT HAVE TALKED IT OUT??? i feel so bad for eren he clearly does not want to kill all those people man...

We finally have Eren's pov now; I still don't know how to feel about it, but I'll always support him.

Eren is a character who really disgusts me because of his fucked up delusion of fReEdoM but I love him at the same time because he's really well written, this boy is a fascinating mess.

This chapter seems to have made things pretty straightforward. Eren is a lot of things but he’s not one to go back on his word. He said he was gonna rumble and now he’s doing it. Not sure why people are having a hard issue saying he wouldn’t have done it. Uhhhh hello he’s nuts

i get eren's side but i just wish that there was another way to bring freedom and justice without genocide

I support eren as a character, however if his actions were translated to real life I would disagree with them. At the end of the day, genocide is not ok. He could’ve wiped out military bases, but civilian deaths is not ok. HOWEVER, for the sake of fiction, & the fact that there’s no decent alternative, it’s team Yeager.

Deep down his choice is selfish and this is why he is ashamed of it, the rest are just justifications. And he is not the only character who has selfish objectives hidden over good intentions, Erwin fought for humanity, but deep down he wanted to prove his father right, and Reiner on his quest to "Save Humanity" was just a mask to become a hero.

Really I want to see Eren fufill his dream, I’m still supporting him.

Ymir might have a role to play in his mental state.

Not to support the rumbling or anything, but I do feel sorry for Eren. He's like a cornered animal that attacked in panic and that attack's freaking deadly.

Even though the rumbling is tragic, this is Eren truly getting his way, no matter what. It's a rare thing to see in any literary work, and although I'm curious as to what the downfall/tragedy of his character will end up being after this, I love it all because for what feels like the first time, a character with bad intent is using the god power to accomplish their goal, and I can't get enough of it.

WHAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT EREN THIS CHAPTER 2,111 responses

Empathy for Eren is the theme for nearly 70% of the fandom with “I feel for him. He’s in a tough position” (43.7%) and “my heart aches for him” (22.1%) being the top two selections. On the opposite and more extreme ends of the spectrum, those who think he’s the greatest (15.1%) and those who think he’s the worst (14.9%) are nearly evenly matched. Interestingly only 4.2% expressed “I have no opinion” on this question compared to more than 20% on the question above.

Eren is my favorite character but I also don't support his actions.

I was disstressed for a few days after it. How did it go to this? I kept reading this far just because I wanted Eren to be happy and have his happy ending, and what do we have now?..

I feel bad for eren, he's in a position no one would want to be, and he hates what hes doing no matter how much he needs to

This chapter could possibly stablish once and for all Eren as a unchangable character since he has reached a point of no return.

Eren is GOAT, the rumbling is wrong but I still love eren

This entire chapter just reaffirms the fact that Eren has always been a self absorbed, self-pitying child from the very beginning

I don't get how people can still support Eren just because he cried a little.

To think that all the shit that has happened since RTS (Sasha killed, Liberio attacked, Tybur murdered, Zackley assassinated, Nile and Pixis titanised, Levi forced to decimate his own titanised squad and then nearly dying, Jaegerist coup, Shadis beat up, Historia pregnant AND ANYTHING ELSE I'VE FORGOTTEN) is all because of some long, convoluted plan for one single boy's childish, problematically simplistic, black-and-white dream for "Freedom" is. I can't. I'm tired. Eren's pov is so outrageously outlandish that I can't relate. At all.

I cant feel bad for Eren, he is the only person responsible on his guilt and sadness. Also genocide is the worst option and even Eren says it.

He was sheltered his whole life; he has no proper context or framework for concepts like racism and war between humans. He “optimistically” thought his fight was that of human vs titan. That's why I don't blame him for coming to the Rumbling conclusion after the basement reveal. I give him a lot of credit for empathizing with "the other side" and I do believe Eren tried his best to come up with alternative solutions.

I feel for Eren, he was sold the idea of a perfect, peaceful, untouched world, ripe for discovery, filled with the beauty and awe of nature, but in reality it was full of cruel xenophobia people who hated his very existance. I don't support the rumbling but i understand why Eren did it.

Eren is obsessed with his perfect vision of "Freedom" where there are no limits to his will, but sadly for him, he lives on a reality where others exist and as long he has to interact with them, there are going to be limitations he is going to be bound. So even if he kills everyone outside the island, there is going to be another "wall" he needs to overcome.

Seeing Eren cry and hear his doubts actually made me just more angry with him: "If you are so sad about the fate of the outside world then fucking change the future, don't just give up!!!!!!!" He seems to be very clung in the idea that the future is set and there is nothing he can do to change it.

Okay but look at Eren's centipedal Hell's creation's TINY BUTT. It's so funny seeing that little boney ass on this gigantic thing

EREN SEEMS TO HAVE MANY MOTIVATIONS. HOW WOULD YOU RANK THEM?

This one was interesting. With this chapter’s iconic imagery of kid Eren spreading his arms declaring “this is freedom”, it’s unsurprising that most of us agree with that as a very important motivation for him. His friends were also chosen as a very important motivation, though not as much as his love for freedom. Historia and her child just edged out the motivation of the people of Paradis, though interestingly it has less “somewhat important” votes and more “not important at all votes”, making it clearly divisive even if it has more “very important” votes.. But the motivation with an even more divisive perception is revenge, with nearly an even split between those who view it as very, somewhat and not important at all.

Everything Eren is doing is for the sake of his friends and Historia, there was no other choice to protect the island.

I think that the only thing what matters to Eren is freedom and reaching the perfect world he saw in his dreams after reading Armin's book. The dream of his inner child is playing the most important role in his life. Eren is ready to sacrifice his friends, his mentors and people on Paradis - just to see the special scenery and finally feel FREE.

Feel sad to see eren need to do all of this, but i know its for his friend and paradis

I hope that Eren doesn’t harm the alliance

REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU FEEL POSITIVELY OR NEGATIVELY ABOUT EREN, DO YOU THINK HE IS BEING PORTRAYED AS A VILLAIN AT THIS POINT IN THE STORY? 2,098 responses

It’s truly a testament to Isayama’s strength as a writer when a character’s deliberate annihilation of billions is met with a majority response of “there are no villains or heroes here.” 57.1% think that as tragic as the situation now may be, nobody in this manga really qualifies as villainous. Or at least, not when our feisty protagonist is involved. 33.7% think the manga is a tale of a hopeful boy slowly turning to the dark side. 5.6% see this all as part of a hero’s tumultuous journey. Finally, 3.5% think it’s unfair to cast Eren as a villain since he’s not the one in control. Gotta say, if Eren is not the one destroying the world he really shouldn’t have said he was going to destroy the world.

This chapter just proves that Eren ISN'T a complete villain. I disagree with the rumbling, but what Eren's going through is something that I empathize with.This chapter just made it easier for me to keep rooting for everyone, even though a completely happy ending is not an option anymore.

I really hope Eren's in for a change of heart soon. I hate the idea of him being the final villain. He's definitely redeemable. Even he is eligible to have a dark foil and rival. Maybe we'll get that later on in Zeke who I feel is also redeemable.

More and more of the story is unveiled, I really like how this is going. Ever since knowing the outside world I have decided that Eren is no longer a hero but then he is not a villain either so does everyone in the story. I like Eren a lot but I'd say that I just like to observe, to see, never to support or to oppose. So this chapter is really amazing to me as I managed to see more about Eren.

eren is a villian whether you like it or not

I feel Walter white Vibe from Eren.

Eren is evil period!!!! There is no justification for mass murder. If he wants to savr his ppl then just wipe out the army, navy, air force, warriors and the leaders period not everyone including INNOCENT ppl....

EREN IS GOAT. He is portrayed as a hero who makes tough choices that no other shitty shonen character even can do.

Eren needs to stop the rumbling. It maybe justified his needs but the people outside the walls didn't deserved it. They're both each other's enemies. He used to say people outside the walls are monsters but he became one himself. He desired freedom but in the end he was a slave to his own desire.

Isayama could chose to make him some what of a villainous character, or he could chose to set it up as if eren is more of an anti hero doing then wrong things for the right reasons

DESCRIBE THE CHAPTER IN ONE WORD 1,543 responses

No superlatives to describe how great or awesome this chapter was this month. The Rumbling hurt us all (well done, Yams, mission accomplished). That being said, it looks like we’re all masochists, considering this chapter is in the top 5 highest rated chapters since chapter 91.

Tragic [169; 4.69]

Sad [89; 4.73]

Pain [77; 4.86]

Depressing [69; 4.75]

Heartbreaking [48; 4.77]

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 2,089 responses

With what we want next chapter we find it especially surprising that the majority are ready to give Eren’s perspective a break. Since google sometimes fails us in displaying the data, we’ll just list it all out. Of the options we provided, our wishes for next chapter from most to least popular are: Let’s keep it with the Eren POV (23.4%), The alliance reaching Odiha (22.4%), WHERE TF IS LEVI??? (10.6%), I could go for a few more mental breakdowns (10.1%), More Ymir being mysterious (7.9%), WHERE TF IS LEVI??? (10.6%), SAVE US ZEKE (8.9%), Oh god go back to Historia please (8.5%), Finality for Floch (6%) and More birbs ovo (2.2%)

Yo where tf is Rico

I want to see levi

fuck yeah more mental break down, I'm ready to be depressed

I really want to see more of Armin and kid Eren in Paths next chapter. That one panel was super interesting and I would love to go back to it.

hurt me more isayama

Please yams I want to see Flochad kill Hange, that’s all I ask for.

Zeke returns next chapter pleaseeeee

HOPE WE GET TO SEE HOW THE ISLAND IS DOING NEXT CHAPTER

It's getting to the final and I don't like that

as only 3-4 chapters are left, I dont think we are going to get another eren POV, I am still dying to see the conditions of the other main characters, whereas zeke and floch are unfinished mysteries.

someone from alliance is dying soon

I've gotta see more Historia. What is she doing and thinking right now? What is her role moving forward?

Just shut up with historia in this survey. She's irrelevant. Now I hate answering your polls.Never again!

i literally don't know what to expect next chapter like yams is just THAT good

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 2,025 responses

The platforms where we discuss the series remain relatively unchanged with Reddit providing the plurality of responses. Thank you Reddit! We appreciate it. That said, we’d love to see this chart balance out a little more so please feel free to share the poll wherever you discuss the series. That includes the 5 of you degenerates on Snapchat.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER? 553 responses

Uhhh *disappears*

ZEKE-KUN PLEASE BE A GOOD ONII-CHAN AND SAVE THE WORLD FROM YOUR TROUBLED LITTLE OTOTO

listen, birds are pretty cool ok

Beautifully tragic, exactly what I wanted to see from Eren after being shown in a villainous light for 30+ chapters. Being introduced to a new character, in particular an innocent child and then finally revealing his name and story was a perfect way to show the true horrors of an indiscriminate near-omnicide, it definitely brought tears to my eyes.

(😢) SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAEGER (😢)

As expected of Isayama-sensei, it's exactly right.

Annie being revealed as aromantic is the unexpected happy development in this tragedy.

Kiddos, the "it's just fiction" argument refers to the fact that you are allowed to *enjoy* watching fucked up things in fiction because people, in general, can distinguish between fiction and reality. It does not mean writing essays to *justify* said fucked-up things that happen in fiction, because you almost certainly start bringing your own real-life logic to fictional events. Aka, mixing up reality and fiction. Showing your true colors. Allowing your beliefs to slip into discussion. Whatever you call that.

THE BIRDS HAVE PATHS, I CALLED IT LAST CHAPTER!

Annie has always had a hard time expressing her feelings and that she has had complexes for a long time. I'm glad Armin was able to tell her what he was thinking because it will give Annie more confidence. Plus, Annie has always been introverted and I love that Isayama tells us more about her character.

The ravens are a reference to Odin’s, a mythology character. He has two ravens, they symbolise memory and mind/thought.

What a manga.

what eren did is right you can come up with any other solution

What in the everliving fuck is going on? Can we go back to factory reset and knock some sense into Eren before he starts having wild ideas like this one? Please

BEST SHIP FINALLY HAPPENING PROPERLY AHHHHH MY BOY ARMIN IS FINALLY TALKING ABOUT HIS FEELINGS EVEN IF IT'S SUBTLE

If Eren is the bird he really is Armins WINGman.

I KNEW ARMIN LIKED ANNIE! But seeing Annie blush was a nice surprise. I thought she was the ice queen in terms of romance.

This poll is bias toward historia. I wish if y’all stop the shipping b.s

birds are supposed to symbolize freedom in most cultures, innit?

This chapter was so important to me. It showed the reality of the rumbling, and that scenery, and most importantly, Eren's true feelings on the genocide, including his now split younger self. He feels guilty about it, he knows it's bad yet he has to do it because he has no other option if he wants Paradis and everyone he loves to survive. During my life I have had a lot of instances where I had to sacrifice a lot in order to survive, including disociating and splitting my personality in two, crushing my own feelings to do what had to be done, so characters like Eren are very relatable in that sense to me. In a kill-or-be-killed situation, there is no place nor time for doubts nor mercy and you have to do what you have to do.

Very interesting, trágico and raw, but also liked the comparison between different concepts of the world and freedom between Armin and Eren. Also loved all the AruAni moments, they were not only adorable but also helped those two characters talk about things they needed to open up about since a long time ago lol.

I want to get off Mr. Isayama's Wild Ride

Am I the only one who can't take the alliance seriously?

Wasn't really feeling the AruAni moment, but other than that top tier chapter can't wait for more.

Armin possibly realizes Eren isn't in the right state of mind. If Eren is projecting himself as a child, then Armin might be able to come up with a plan to stop what he is doing.

Fantastic, worth the wait.

Fav chapter yet. Fall of Wall Maria got overthrown as the most depressing event in the series for me.

Favourite line in AOT :"SIT DOWN"

I don't want it to end, but I am very happy about the direction the manga is going.

I felt for eren

This chapter was legendary, it hit all the right notes for finally giving Eren's POV. The shot of child Eren above the clouds will go down as one of the best panels ever... also Eren's line about "disappointment"... fantastic it gave me chills.

I find ‘the cycle of revenge’ storyline tiring. I’ve seen it so many times before and there isn’t anything new being covered here. I just feel tired and sad honestly. My last (and probably unfulfilled) hope for the series would be for Levi to make it through this, work things out with Zeke without violence and be able to move on in his life. He could help the survivors of the rumbling and reestablish civilization, maybe open his tea shop, see the world, maybe fall in love. I don’t really care. I just want to see my boy alive and doing okay for himself. A ridiculous thought for this series, I know. With 3-4 chapters left I feel we will most likely just be left in a misery marinara. I’m soaking in it right now.

I have too many thoughts on this chapter, I wouldn't know where to begin

i wanted him to save ramzi, but i didnt at the same time?? i was glad he didnt spare him, but im sad he didnt?? i dont know why

I just want everything to end already

i just want the best ending for all characters, esp Eren.

I like how Isayama is pushing the cognitive dissonance that i have of what side i should choose.....he is really fuckin with me at this point. All the thinking has now made me kinda numb

I like Isayama drawing birds and see the art improvement through the chapters :D I announce August is the Eek Appreciation Month dedicated to the Wings of Freedom! EEEEEEEEEEEK

I like that it pretty much ended the discussion of Eren having other plans. He's been totally honest the entire time. If he had other plans, why'd he put his friend in danger by having them fight against him?

for real had to pause for a bit at many points in this chapter lmao

Maybe this is why he never talked to his friends- he didn't care about discussing what's right for them, he just wanted his FrEeDoM and would walk over children to get it.

Glad to see Armin and Annie being cute, they deserve a few moments of happiness.

Glad to see Eren’s thoughts and feelings about the rumbling. There are a lot of loose ends that I was hoping to have some answers for in this chapter but it didn’t happen in this chapter, which just made me more intrigued.

Glad to see that Eren's uncaring exterior was finally dispelled this chapter

God I can't see this ending good and I just really want this to be over soon. Never rooted as much for an MC to die as now.

Which of the following best describe how you feel about the rumbling? Pointless, it won't achieve anything.

while i find aruani cute i still find it weird since she literally was crying the previous chapter. i was disappointed that we didn't get to see all the alliance

Why tf is Ymir in the realworld!?

WHENS MAHVEL

SS ARUANI GONNA RUMBLE THE SHIP HARDER THEN EREN RUMBLED THOSE POOR CHILDREN, TAKE THAT NONBELIEVERS no really, this was built up from s1, and they have wonderfully complementing personalities. Sad that half the fandom gets triggered from any het ship (and vice versa)

Crack theory: Eren has two personalities which is why he acts in contradictory ways. The "evil" nature is in kid Eren and the "good" nature is in the bird. There is no consciousness in his actual body anymore.

Genocide route best route

Way better than the last chapter. 130 was just good art and shipping bait which felt like it was forced for the sake of the end of a volume. This chapter was amazing and balanced its multiple purposes effortlessly, as opposed to the clunky nature of the previous chapters. Probably the best chapter since Ymir's backstory. I love how Armin tied into it, we haven't seen he and Eren's shared dream brought up for a while, as it had faded into background despite being such a driving force for both characters before the timeskip.

I was sure that the dichotomy between Eren's motivations was clearly between his friends/the people he wants freedom for, and his own quest to soothe the anger he has in his heart. Essentially is he doing this for love or hate. Yet we get a third motivation introduced this chapter, of him achieving his child self's dream of freedom in a wall-less world, and what do you know it's tied into "that scenery/that sight", Isayama you genius. What does this mean about those other motivations, though? Is everything false and it's just what Eren is telling himself? What's the lie? What's the truth? What to believe…

It might just be because Eren subconsciously called to Armin. So if more memories surface, more characters can talk with him potentially.

Time loop theory!

Timey Wimey P A T H S shenanigans.

Even if I'm not surprised, it's disappointing to see how Eren is the worst Jaeger after all. He used to make bad decisions trying to help "humanity", but now he just thinks he's right, when not even half of Paradis agrees with his ideas.

I hate Eren from the bottom of my heart. He's disgusting, a total piece of shit. And I love Isayama for giving me all these feelings. He's the real GOAT here.

Really made me wish Isayama hadn't gone for the ~mystery~ of Eren becoming the villain and had instead at least given us the flashbacks in chronological order. The way this long-awaited PoV reveal has been done has felt so clunky and awkward.

I honestly don't understand those who used to support the Rumbling but no longer do after this chapter; maybe they are the same kind of people that romanticized Omnicide and kept defending it as the "morally correct thing to do" and that they "would most certainly do it" if they were in Eren's shoes... Until the reality hit them and all of their posturing like a bag of bricks - i.e. the typical edgy keyboard warrior.

As a pro-Rumbling fan, I always knew this was the expected outcome; if anything this chapter was everything I hoped that Isayama would show to us because it once and for all disproved the idea that Eren has a plan beyond the Rumbling. A Lelouch ending (which I hope doesn't happen) can still be pulled, but its not something that Eren is actively working torwards, but the end result if the alliance somehow stops him.

rumbling go brrrrrrrr

Zeke is controlling the bird with his beast Titan ability that he learnt from the paths realm

"what will my mother think of me?" Ashamed of you, eren, duh.

I really can't feel sorry for eren when this is ultimately the choice he made. There were always other choices up until the point where he killed many world leaders in his attack on Marley.

A bit sappy but understandable. From a egoist point of view Eren is justified in his actions, but of course this just reaffirms the Eldians "monstrous" nature to them. The Eldians dont have a realistic out unless the titans are truly gone forever if Eren loses. Curious about the birds.

A freckled girl appeared. That's progress.

BRUTAL.

Also what about the Eldians living outside of Paradis Island? IMO they are the ones suffering the most

Can he even be stopped?

Can people stop saying that because you enjoy the direction of the story that you’re a genocide supporter? I like shooter games too but I’m obviously not going to go kill anyone, everyone needs to chill out with the moral policing, you sound like the Tipper Gore crowd. Is the rumbling justified? No, but it’s a great direction for the story and it was inevitable once it was established what was in the walls. Chekhov’s gun had to go off sometime, I’m actually surprised how many people seem to be agonizing over this.

Can't put it into words how amazing AOT has become and is just stepping over each level taking one step at a time !!!

Can't wait till next one

Changed the opinion of many people on eren's genocide

Chapter confirmed Eren is NOT the father

Cruel just like the world

This chapter re-assured me that that first scene of Mikasa is the moment she says goodbye to a dying Eren.

Damn bro it’s great

Dang. When this is animated, I guarantee a lot of youtubers and just the anime fandom in general will think this is the best series of all time.

Eren is one of the best MCs of all time.

Eren is one of the most tragic characters on manga

Eren is the best protagonist

Eren is the GOAT but is also wrong and needs to die real soon

EREN IS THE GOATTTT. AOT IS THE GOATTTT. ISAYAMA IS THE GOATTTT.

Eren is truly the best developed main character from any shonen series, this chapter made my mind.

Eren loses it, again

great job Isayama. well done you madman

Great painfull chapter, Eren having a breakdown Made me so sad and depressed, I wish him to achieve freedom

Greatest manga of all time

greatest piece of fiction of our generation

Hange is right, this is not an acceptable solution

I cried while reading it no joke

I don't even know what to say about Eren. Sure, this chapter is showing his guilt, but that definitely does NOT justify his actions. EXPLAIN YOURSELVES, YEAGERISTS, EREN STANS!!!!!! (sorry I'm just angry about him)

I still think there needs to be a twist, because for me the character development still doesn't work. Eren and Historia have both forgotten common sense and do awful stupid things for stupid, hollow (plot) reasons, and the 104th this entire arc have both become somewhat useless and self-righteous at the convenience of the author. I don't care if the whole arc happened this way just because clearly Isayama wants to have the rumbling as the last arc, but if this was his objective he should have been more focused on character consistency and less on the mystery of it all. It still all feels less like the choices of actual characters than plot convenience, and it gives me the same sensation of the Serumbowl, which I thought was the nadir of the series.

If truly there's won't be some last minute twist it's just bad character writing in service of a plot decided in advance. Same with Historia and the 104th. Who cares about character consistence? Not Isayama, apparently

For some reason Eren wants Armin to the what his is doing.

Honestly, of all the characters Armin is the last I'd want succeding in stopping Eren. Let Mikasa have the spotlight, damn it.

Beautiful pain

Beautifully drawn but very gory

a person can gladly become a devil or a god if he has to, for justice.

A truly sad and terrifying chapter. I never understood how anyone could support this. Don't get me wrong. I understand plotwise why it had to happen. I knew Isayama would show us this. This part was unavoidable for the story he's trying to tell. Doesn't mean I have ever supported it, or that I ever will. But hey at least Aruannie is cannon, so that's a silver linning to this absolutely horrible chapter.

PS. I never wanted to punch a fictional character in the face as much as I want to punch Eren's. Alas, he's not real and I will never get the satisfaction of doing that.

Adding onto child eren's freedom panel, i believe it represents the idea of freedom he had wished for before he was betrayed by the world itself.

All hail the mad king

All that suffering, for what. You won but at what cost

IT MAKES MY HEAD SPIN AND THE FORSHADOWING BUILD UP TO THIS CHAPTER IS JUST *chefs kiss*

It really shows that Attack On Titan isn’t an ordinary story. It is a storyline filled with emotions, tragedies and somehow the cruel reality that this world possesses.

It shifted through a lot of POVs, it was pretty good.

It showed the rumbling and Eren in much more impartial way.

It was crazy to finally see in Eren's Head but all it did was confirm the things I was thinking for awhile and put me more on his side.At this point I'm ride or Die Eren Yaeger just so I can see how this all ends.

It was good, but I wish we would've gotten more with the rest of the crew going to Marley.

Listen, I really love Eren, I have deeply felt for him. I still do, I relate too much with his own traumas but since the timeskip. I have distanced myself from him and I don't and have never supported on his stance for genocide because he set this up with Zeke and pushed Marley to go into war while they didn't want it in the first place. However I have too much of a strong emotional connection to him so I understand him and I admit, it made me doubt a little bit on some of my stances. Since Eren is so different from who he was back before the timeskip, I have always assumed and the manga has not proved me wrong, that he's being influenced by something or someone which is feeling on his traumas, anger, depression and dissapointments. So I am still extremely optimistic about him.

Jesus Fucking Christ

its funny how the dream dies with reality

Its great to finally get some of Erens thoughts but it’s just made me think he’s not acc the one in control

My tears create a whole new ocean.

no opinion really, chapter felt kinda flat and repetitive in parts

Alliance supporters learning that Eren is suffering with all this shit and isn't trash and pitiful like their hypocrite babies who were genociding their own people in the last 32 volumes.

Amazing. The way Eren developed from this angsty little child to someone who's willing to kill everyone to achieve his childhood dream and save his pals is truly wonderful.

Rumbling go wee

I found it tragically ironic that Eren just has a passing thought of what his mom would think of his actions, and it reminds me of how he wouldn’t listen to her when he was younger. Do you think this is a subtle indication that Eren hasn’t matured from the thought processes of a selfish boy, or does he truly hold weight and more consideration to what his mother (and other people) would think? Personally, I think he is more aware of outside views, but just refuses to accept that reality because he is so stuck on his own desires.

It's one of the pivotal scenes because atleast I know that within Eren he still at somepoint have consicience and shows that at somepoint he can be stopped.

Rumbling goes rumble

Eremin <3

Yams makes me confused! I dunno!

Collosal Titans go brr

CONFUSING IN WAY TOO MANY PARTS!!! where to start or stop... from ymir to bird to child eren is all confusing af but nice :)

Depression and depression

Did we really need to spend that many pages on that AruAni BS? So much for fucking 5% being left.

Dis gon be good

Let's get the final confrontation underway!

Welp, there is absolutely no defying it: Eren is the big bad and there is no secret plan to make it up.

Let’s get ready to RUUUUUUUUMBLE!

LETS FUCKING GOOO

Levi and Hange convo when? Armin and Annie end of the world sex when? Jean confessing to Mikasa when? Floch suprise killing Connie or Jean when? Floch getting thrown over board to die at sea rather than being shot when?

LOLZ at anyone still defending the rumbling after this chapter portraying it as something heroic or justifiable

Make me feel. Make me feel more.

Man, this is rough.

Overall well rounded chapter. Time to get back to alliance and Historia after this though.

Poor Eren. But I kind of understand.

Ppl who are calling Eren GOAT or saying they were only sad in this chapter bc Eren cried are legit psychopaths.

Seeing Eren’s POV and reasoning behind pursuing the rumbling makes me feel for him. We know he cares about his friends, paradis, etc. I am at a loss of words for this chapter. However I will say this, Armin in paths with Eren is not a coincidence. I think isayama is foreshadowing of a conversation THEY’VE ALREADY HAD, and what’s to come..

Isayama is being stingy about letting his characters talk to each other properly. I mean really how many scenes do we have left on this boat while the rumbling goes on? When there’s still so much to be said. Wasted chapter imo, a lot more could’ve been said and done.

E+H=Y

Eren confirmed that he will kill everyone. The rumbling cannot be stopped.

Even though we have gotten some insight on Eren's pov, it has created more questions than answers. His motives are still very confusing and we are still being kept in the dark

Every chapter update makes me sad :( the story has gotten so tragic and i love it but oof. I didnt think it could get sadder but Isayama proves me wrong every month

Every new released chapter is better than the last one. I love these series. Props to mr. Hajime Isayama 💪🏆

Exactly what we needed, have more faith now.

Exceeded my expectations. The last two chapters were mindblowing after a slow mini Arc at the port. Isayama can really pull ar your heartstrings with flashbacks and Eren's pov.

Thanks Isayama for the microscopic eremin crumbs

that kid eren scene though... easily the best scene the series so far

That was damn perfect

That was f***ing amazing and awful at the same time. I want this series to end, but actually no. Keep going Isayama. You crazy motherf***er.

the "beyond the walls" talk between armin and eren is being brought up again and im emotional now thx

The ending's gonna disappoint people, no matter how well/badly it's executed. Chapter was cool, but overhyped imo

The pacing seems slow, but then again, it was recently nodded to that the manga won't end at Chapter 134 or 135 but 136. And Isayama does have everything planned out for a long time. I don't think he'll disappoint.

the significance of many things in the story are too epic, carla and mikasa look alike, grisha and eren look alike, historia and dina even look alike, the repeating actions, along with the intricate history formed, give us a lot to speculate but nothing to confirm.

I am somewhat sad for eren, to see the point that he has reached by having that freedom that he longed for so much but that I hardly think exists is sad, I don't know how the hell this is going to end but hey I don't know

I can't even begin to imagine how this is going to look in the anime. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

I can't imagine how the manga will end in a few chapters

I can't wait for 132.

I can’t believe this

I can’t wait to see this chapter voice acted, holy shit.

I loved the context that Eren's apology provides, really gives some much needed insight on his thoughts about the future during the timeskip

I need him to talk to mikasa and armin!

On this poll, I noticed that there's nothing about Mikasa haha. I want her to have a moment for the next chapter, or appear on Eren's memories. We know she's gonna be playing a big role for this arc.

I like where the story is going and I can’t wait for the anime so I can show AOT to everyone.

I think Eren is going somewhere. If he wanted to rumble the world, he can control the titans even from the safety of Paradis. I think he is going to that tree under which Ymir fell.

I think it focuses on Eren a bit too much. Maybe show us some Levi? Thank you.

i think reiner is gay

I am currently not taking a side. Not with Eren or with the Yeagerists or with our heroes. I'm just here to see how it all goes down and how Isayama wants to play it out. I've been enjoying every single chapter and being so moved it's insane. F the ship wars and the bs, this story is much more than that. And tragedy is written all over it. Ok brb getting my tissues prepared for next chapter.... 👍

I don't know how many more issues we're going to have but I worry that the story is going to come to a screeching halt and leave too many questions unanswered. Isayama has got so many plates spinning, narratively speaking, I have no idea how he is going to finish them or if he'll finish them at all.

Just a series of gut-punches one after the other after every panel, oof this chapter affected me more than any other. It also made me wonder about how the planet in general would be affected. Like how would ecosystems change? Will Eren only go after the civilized countries and then stop? Or will he not let a single person survive outside the island and just actually steamroll the whole planet? If he does, wouldn't that change climates and stuff? What's about the animals and plants? Am I thinking too much about this? How will the drastic changes affect the Paradisians? All this assuming the alliance doesn't manage to stop him (which is likely)

although initially him and reiner seemed to pursue the same path, eren initial motive was to wipe them all and he said it multiple times, I don't believe he has guilt nor remorse because "it was all set from the very start"

We also got a seamless reintegration of the theme of what it means to be a "good person", something both Armin and Annie have grappled with as far back as Female Titan arc, and it's great to see it re-emerge in the context of the rumbling. Annie is an underrated character. Isayama could have had her come back with some bullshit royal blood or daughter-of-Kruger twist, but instead he decides to integrate her into the conflict as her own person and make her a more interesting character than Reiner (sorry Soul).

Eren is allowed to have emotions, he should be able to feel terrible about himself for having to wipe out most of humanity. But he also believes that this is the only way. He begged Hange if there was another way, he WANTED an option that didn't end with the world being rumbled. When Hange had no ideas, and no else had a plan that would keep Paradis safe, he felt like he had to move forward, towards freedom.

Eren is neither right or wrong in his decision. Killing innocents, destroying entire ecosystems and ending human civilization is morally bankrupt. In many ways his plan is short sighted, but when I say this, my stance comes from a logical standpoint rather than a moral one(the political instability of the island, the precedent it sets, the danger he put his friends in). The *most* moral thing to do was a partial rumbling(there are still some issues both logistical and moral) and while 2 wrongs don’t make a right, I hold Marley and many other nations equally at fault for not being willing to end this diplomatically. Their scorched earth policy brought this on. It’s unfortunate that their citizens are paying the price for their governments crimes. But you can’t threaten to wipe out an entire civilization with no negotiation and not expect a desperate response like a full rumbling. This doesn’t absolve eren of responsibility of his actions, but the rumbling is an extremely unfortunate even that was 100% avoidable if diplomacy had been an option.

Eren, no! That’s all I can say at this point! Armin please, I’m begging you, stop your mans.

Eren, what the fuck?

Eren's self pity doesn't change the fact that he's killing millions of innocents and he's not going to stop despite it.

Eren’s guilt over his actions doesn’t mean a thing considering he’s still doing it. The fact that he saw the future and did nothing to stop it (and actively made it happen) makes him even worse. I don’t feel sorry for him in the slightest.

Even though Eren has the skeletal structure as an (I don't even know.. turkey/bird.. eh...) people are still going to simp the shit out of him on twitter, like jfc-

Eren wanted to destroy all life outside paradis not because he wanted outside world to be just a wonderland of blazing fire , grasslands etc. but because the people outside are making it impossible enough for him to realise his dream of total freedom

I would like to add that AruAni scene was, in my opinion, really important for both armin and Annie character development, since they're having a romance scene with the theoretically enemy (armin is from paradis and Annie is from Marley). I think this represent well that people from Marley and people from Eldia can live together, without violence. (I wish I could write more, but English is not my first language)

I'm glad we're finally getting things more thoroughly from Eren's perspective. Up until now, his motivations and thoughts have mostly been discussed by other characters, but we finally get to hear from him directly. This chapter mostly confirmed what I suspected, that Eren isn't heartless, but he was also a tragic character that was perfectly aware of the destruction he was about to bring upon so many people. Overall really good, can't wait for the next chapter, whatever it may be.

I'm happy that Isayama made clear what an egoist and violent nature Eren always had, since he was a child: he's not an hero, not an avenger and surely not the "chad goat" some teen edgelords think.

I'm literally shaking so hard rn

The wall titans were always an obvious metaphor for "what if Japan had WMDs", but in this chapter this is made even more obvious when there is nothing left from migrant children but two dark kid-shaped splatters on the ground, which is a pretty clear visual reference to citizens of Hiroshima leaving nothing but scorched silhouettes behind when the atomic bombing happened.

Ironically, there was a popular twitter thread this week about the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and despite not being very familiar with the topic itself, I was somewhat amused to find the arguments in the comments to be very familiar. It's payback, it's to prevent future war, it was justified because of Japanese government's war crimes, Japanese citizens were indoctrinated and racist and would NEVER give up fighting foreigners so bombings were a mercy, it's collateral damage, etc etc.

The warriors deserve much better than being used as props.

There's 99% chance this series is getting a downer ending

They had it coming. The world was warned yet they still provoked him so much. I feel for Eren..

What is the most disappointing thing is how selfish and unreasonable mankind can be. So much hatred between so many people and nations, the world of Attack on Titan is a cursed one. So much blood spilled everywhere, and why? Is it because it's justice? Or is it because it's mother nature? Or is it because mankind is known for bloodshed and selfishness? So much hatred has blinded people, they no longer care to listen for the reason. Nothing matters to them, just their goals. All of this pointless conflict when people can simply try to speak up, try to understand each other, simply make bonds. If people could only live with a bit more empathy... All we can do is hope that so many deaths will have any meaning. Or perhaps Genocide/omnicide never had any meaning... Perhaps all of this was pointless strife.

This chapter confirmed Uri's predictions during his conversation with Kenny by the river. It remains to be seen now whether the alliance will be able to stop eren. I am sad for the world and for Ramzi and his brother. The pictures were horrible to watch (Isayama is very good at drawing emotions).

i'm...so very tired

I’m freakin cryin i need someone to hold me

Slowly, everything is coming back in its place. I am super dedicated at this point to the manga and I just hope Isayama is gonna be able to reach the perfect conclusion for such all these years of construction.

So Eren is a fish Titan...?

Still pro-rumble

Such a tragedy this whole story is. Really heartbreaking to witness. But so meticulously done and masterfully written.

Somebody said, maybe Eren and Zeke were actually fighting or going on memory journey schmuck in the Paths currently, that's why Eren is sleeping and automatically runs the titan on the outside.

If zeke didn’t pull this shit up in the first place none of this wouldn’t happen

Starting to reconsider the time-loop theory being wrong. Everything is literally coming full circle.

Isayama youre a genius but you love seeing us hurt and confused dont you 😭😭😭

It bothered me how surprised people were that Eren did the rumbling and it was sad. He's been saying he was gonna do it for ages, and now he is. What's with the surprised pikachu fandom?

Jesus Christ everyone needs therapy

Please end this story with happy ending!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk chapter 131 #snk 131

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