Playing TW3 and the immense pain that surged through my heart when Geralt picked up The Poisoned Source and actually mention Tissaia's name and that it is still in Yen's possession. Fuck.
I cannot handle the thought of Tissaia not being alive anymore. A fake world but still a world where she is no longer in it.
It is just... Wrong. It feels shit and wrong! And empty!
Fuck that.
She lives on forever.
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Taken for granted.
I had never longed for a man's touch. I had never cried like a baby over a man. It wasn't like me to fall in love this deep, although I was a hopeless romantic. I loved the romance novels and the thought of being held under the stars, but for some reason I never wanted it for myself. Christopher changed that. I didn't know why, i didn't know how he did it. I didn't know why everytime I closed my eyes, I saw his bright smile and beautiful brown eyes. He was like my compass. He showed me and lead me through the right paths, he molded me into the person I could have been if I actually loved me.
"i wish I could hate you" i whispered to him as we would lie in the bed of his truck under the star lit sky that looked like glitter, almost perfectly aligned.
"i wish I could love you" he sighed, and continued
"it feels like an obligation...i feel obligated to love you"
"you don't need to feel obligated, I could leave you alone" i shrugged
"but I like having you around..." he sighed
"it's so confusing, i don't know what I want...i don't know if I want anything."
"i wish I could help you love me" i leaned up on my elbows
"i don't love anybody, y/n" he shook his head
"it's not easy to love somebody when you can't even love yourself." he said
"i know, and its hard to love an insecure girl like me" i tilted my head
"two wrongs don't make a right, y/n. i can't change, i can't help you change." he rubbed his temples as if he was getting frustrated.
"don't get mad " i furrowed my eyebrows
"I'm not...." his voice was louder, but he paused with a sigh, and the continued with a calmer tone "mad at you."
"i just want you to understand that I can't be the one you love" he pointed up at the stars
"look up for me" he said as I looked up
"choose a star" he instructed
"ummm" I looked around at the sky and then pointed to a larger star "that one"
"you chose it because it's bigger?" he tilted his head
"it caught my eye" I nodded
"that star is just like you. the brightest, yet the farthest away" he said as he looked into my eyes
"let go of me, stop distancing yourself for me." he said sternly.
I nodded, tears forming in my eyes as I tried to come up with the words to respond with.
"it's difficult" i whispered
"but it's possible" he wiped my tears and kissed my forehead
"if it was meant to me, we'll come back to each other" I smiled brokenly and kissed the top of his hand, wrapping my arms around his neck for a second
"do you want me to take you home?" he rubbed my back
i shook my head and sighed
"i don't think I need that, I'll find a way home" I nodded
"im not leaving until you do"
"just go, really it's fine" i sent my mother a text to pick me up, and looked up at Chris.
This wasn't the first nor last goodbye in my lifetime, and it never got easier. After that, i only saw Chris in the hallways, in second period, and in lunch sometimes. He was a basketball player, so it wasn't hard to miss him, he was honestly one of the best players on the team. After that, i became a cheerleader, i played volleyball, I made friends, but I never found the love that I searched for when I was in the presence of Chris. I wish I could love him again. But that love was taken for granted.
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I REALLY BELIEVE SOMEONE/SOMETHING MESSED WITH JERICHO'S MIND
I'm so uncomfy with this but I desperately need some PIECE OF MIND, bear with me pls, thank you
The key probably lies in "THE WORLD BEYOND" where Lance and Jeri got spirited away to 6 years prior.
So let's go back a bit,
See here how there's no sign of any sus affection, she just thinks he's cute
If she was in love with Lance romantically (ugh this is pain) at this point, she would've left already.
AND THEN THEY DISAPPEARED-
We know everyone that disappears are all human, which leads me to believe that the world beyond lures in humans, mentally breaks them down, and then offers some kind "salvation"
That world probably feeds on their memories, twists it, and makes the person believe they've gone insane. For example, Jeri believing she's in love with Lance.
Don't you think it's sus that in Jeri's "ideal" world, the adult lance looks like the adult version of when he looked like a girl?
Fascinating ain't it?
She was with lance for all that time but her ideal is hung up on that version of Lance, why? BECAUSE IT'S AN ILLUSION
Whatever it is in the world beyond, it took hold of the memory where Jeri thought Lance was cute, twisted it, and made her suffer.
(side note. It could also be a trick to separate Lance and from Jeri during the time, idk this idea hasn't fleshed out fully.)
Lance wasn't affected much probably because he's half. But Jeri took the brunt of it. Even after escaping, she's still feeling the effects, her fake twisted affection broke her down and she left.
AND SOMEHOW CONVENIENTLY MET ARTHUR OFFERING HER THE WORLD SHE WANTED
>It's similar to when Ardd's village got burned down by "demons" and Arthur was conveniently there to offer him help in exchange for his abilities
I suspect Chaos Arthur levels of mindfuckery.
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not feeling well.
how am I supposed to finish all the errands? :(
tomorrow, I got 8 hrs class for boards. :(
and then the next day is Monday. :(
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