#i need therapy after the first four eps of this show

[shinwoonoh]

it’s ep 4 of the eighth sense and i still don’t believe jaewon is in therapy. 

i asked myself why? why, when it’s getting quite obvious that jaewon is in therapy, from the woman accusing him of just being here for the drugs and to jaewon stating his parents forced him to come here 10 years ago. he sits there on a couch for four as a silhouette. the water is clear and glowing behind him. she essentially tells him to spit it out for god’s sake, says he has depression, and jaewon tells her i’m getting sick of myself wearing a mask when I’m dealing with others.

(or a deeply personal piece about my experiences with being asian and the idea of therapy, all prompted by the privilege of getting to experience the eighth sense) 

[tw: depression, suicide ideation, ptsd]

i’m first generation chinese canadian and queer. my sister has depression, had thoughts of suicide, all while i myself was being emotionally and verbally abused at work. it’s been 5 years but when i drive by a white toyota 4runner (because that’s the car they drove), i’m still gripped with fear. i can only stare straight ahead hoping to god it’s not them it’s not them it’s not. i want to drive the other way onto oncoming traffic 

i told my mom then, that my sister needs help - a doctor, therapy, - call the goddamn pastor from church - anything. 

she told me, what use is therapy going to do?

my mom was a registered nurse. when i was a kid, she used to bring me with her on her night shifts and i’d eat tuna croissant sandwiches with the seniors in front of the biggest television box i’ve ever seen in my life. cross legged on the floor because the po po’s and gong gong’s took all the chairs. she told me if old white ladies ask for kleenex and you give them toilet paper, they’ll be mad. it’s different here. 

so it’s ep 4 of the eighth sense and i don’t believe therapy exists in the minds of asian people and culture

i took a new job. vowed not to make friends at work. clock in clock out. gave limited info when coworkers asked questions. smiled and giggled. i observed and mimicked behaviour that would let me fit in. i learned how to hug someone when they were upset (tight and long, soothe their backs with open palms) even though i didn’t want to hug anyone, let alone have anyone touch me anywhere that was soft

i was masking. 

been masking. for a long time.

i fit in so well, everyone likes me. i’ve been told i’m the favourite by pretty much everyone. hell, i’ve had coworkers fighting over me, told i can do and say no wrong. i’m not trying to brag. i hate being the centre of attention. i steer conversation immediately to the other person so i don’t have to talk about myself too much. just enough to seem normal, to look human - to be liked. 

(even as i’m writing this, there are too many words and paragraphs about me, why would anyone read this? y’all are here for the eighth sense but i’m going on like a celebrity writing their autobiography about their tragic childhood and how they were able to rise above - so, okay, i should start sprinkling in some actual t8s content analysis, for god’s sake)

jaewon says i want to free myself from human relationships

what happened to jaewon? we don’t know entirely yet. but everybody loves jaewon. the teacher will give him a good mark because he likes jaewon. everybody in class wants him to be their project partner and everybody’s missed him since he’s been away in the army please hang out with us jaewon let’s go drinking jaewon you better show up jaewon or it would be a shame, jaewon you are so likeable loveable cool lucky don’t worry about jaewon he’s got everything going on for him

then he meets jihyun and i think jaewon has a hard time finding the right mask to put on to deal with the freshman. and he slips a lot. when he starts to talk about his brother, after eunji shows up because of taehyung’s scheming, when jihyun repeatedly corrects him that it’s jaewon that wants to be friends - not him. and finally when he kisses jihyun

he’s having such a hard time and he slips up so bad, that the next safest option is to mask right back up

oh jaewon was drunk he has a habit of kissing and yeah he’ll join them after he helps yoon won wrap things up he’s the new best friend so let’s have a meal together with jihyun and his roommate next time

3 years into my new job, someone returns to the company and we become friends, on a soulmate level. i think i was in love with her - i definitely had a crush on her. but anyways, somehow i see her and i was suddenly all sorts of things because of her. i start to look forward to work. i add my coworkers on facebook and ig. we go to parties with our bosses and a few of us go on a couple of road trips even though the pandemic is blazing in the background  

she saw me, even when i didn’t want to be seen. i remember getting a particularly anxiety-inducing email from my previous job. i’m in the staff room sitting quietly, staring at my feet. i try to breathe. 

i’m alone for the whole of it but i emerge from the room again. ready to leave for the day and somehow, my friend sees me. asks me what’s wrong?

how did she know? i didn’t cry. i looked in the mirror before i came out. i didn’t even say anything to her. but i tell her, quietly at first and then easily and then finally with so much - so. much. honesty.

she tells me i get it. of course you feel that way. why wouldn’t you feel that way? it’s completely understandable. i know you. 

we hug. it’s one of the best hugs i’ve ever received. 

she leaves for another job. i try to go on, all open and soft parts exposed. but little by little, i go back into my shell. 

why would i want to show the entirety of myself? all the bits of me are all the ways i can embarrass myself, expose myself, show myself to people who will take what i show and twist and move it all in a way that becomes unrecognizable and uncontrollable

so i mask

but it’s goddamn tiring and exhausting. jaewon is exhausted. you see it in his eyes as he stares off out into nowhere when jihyun tells him his name. when they’re sitting in the train, and he’s smiling at jihyun at first and then jihyun’s smile falls open, and we see jaewon’s expression: there’s a downward movement to his lips. it’s so miniscule. maybe i’m imagining it

but that’s the moment i think jihyun sees when he tells aeri he ran into jaewon sunbae yesterday, and he didn’t look okay.

what was i talking about? oh yes, therapy and being asian and how disconnected that is to me. nobody asian goes to therapy. i can hear all the aunties and my popo saying sometimes doctors are wrong and medicine isn’t going to help. my grandma didn’t believe my grandpa had dementia and alzheimer’s even to the last minute of his death and past it. she said he was annoying and stupid when he forgot where he put his ring or when he would leave the stove on until a hole burnt through the pot.

in the farewell, a story about a chinese family that lied to their aging matriarch that she didn’t have terminal lung cancer. all of them flew back to china for a rushed and premature marriage, used as an excuse to go tearily say goodbye to their soon-to-be dead grandma/mom/mother in law, etc. the juxtaposition of them celebrating a happy marriage while crying on stage to her about her for her as she claps with happiness and pride, but also with confusion, is funny. they never tell her. and she miraculously is cured of cancer. it’s like she never had it. they lied to her because they wanted her to be happy. be happy so she wouldn’t die. 

so what good will medicine, let alone, therapy do? just be happy. easy, right?

i hope jaewon continues to open up. i hope he finds that soulmate of his, maybe in jihyun, maybe in himself. i know opening up and unmasking is scary. but also masking is so uncomfortable that i want to crawl out of my skin. it’s alienating and lonely. 

even writing all of this out, i still don’t think jaewon is in actual therapy. i’ve never seen it personally in asian media. so i think it’s so sad that when i’m being given a beautiful example of a korean person in korea going to therapy or whatever type of appointment relationship agreement this is where jaewon gets asked what’s bothering him and he answers truthfully and almost painlessly. like he’s been doing this for 10 years. 

and i don’t believe it. it’s so fucked up that i don’t believe it. i keep thinking when will the rug be pulled out from under me? surely there’s no such thing as an asian person going to therapy. fuck, evelyn travelled through the multiverse and there’s not one of her in therapy 

but it’s right there in front of my own eyes: jaewon getting counselled and advised, she has a notebook, an aquarium to look at when you’re nervous, big round metal balls to stare right back at you when you need a distraction and it’s been 10 years. i watched it all with the same eyes that saw my parents fight and punch holes in the wall before going to couple retreats at church and coming back stronger than ever. the last time i saw them fight, i was in high school. even as my sister finally spoke to her doctor and she saw a therapist, then a psychiatrist and now she’s on medication and she’s doing better. i’m not afraid she’s going to hurt herself anymore. my soulmate sees a counsellor and messages me randomly and it’s so eerily weird when she knows i’m struggling even when we’re a mountain apart

it’s all in front of me. but i don't believe it. 

#the eighth sense #basically: what's it like to be mentally stable? rofl #don't know her #ANYWAYS god that was really personal and i hope this sits okay with some people #the eighth sense really just pulled this out of me and i'm really surprised i'm okay with sharing all of this #mywriting #ok to reblog

[nthngtoseehere-blog]

Dramas/movies I've finished (or 'finished')

I've watched enough east Asian dramas/movies that I've tripped my brain’s "must make a list" switch. Updated 3/28

Blue = favorites

Also:

Dramas I'm watching / want to watch

Dramas I dropped

Dramas:

2gether the Series (Thai)

I guess a lot of people hate this and don't think the leads have any chemistry at all? But I actually loved them. It's not a hot-and-heavy kind of chemistry; it's very sweet and kind of innocent, but not facile. On the other hand, they were all I liked about the drama.

Ai Long Nhai (Thai)

This is the most ridiculous drama, and it brings me so much joy. Nothing hurts, everything is beautiful. Nhai is a precious scatterbrained bean, and Ai falls in love at first sight. All of the things about Nhai that drive other people crazy just make Ai go all fond and soft. I smiled so much watching this that my face hurt.

A League of Nobleman (Chinese)

Good but definitely felt like it was missing scenes. OT3 Lan Jue/Zhang Ping/Wang Yan!

Bad Buddy (Thai)

Wow this is good! It's Romeo and Juliet with some West Side Story thrown in. The actors are fantastic, and watching how they progress from sort-of-enemies to committed boyfriends is wonderful.

Bed Friend (Thai)

OMG Uea the sharp-edged traumatized bean, and King green-flagging all over except for that one moment where he needed to have his head flushed in a toilet for reacting in the absolute worst way. I love this show A LOT. It's not a perfect rendition of a young man who has suffered a lot of abuse in his life, but it handles that element really well (therapy and medication FTW), and the romance is sweet and sexy.

Between Us (Thai)

I liked the first half a lot, but didn't like Team very much after they got together. His personality/behavior changed; he was, IDK, tougher? earlier, which I liked a lot more. However, I LOVE Win so much I can't even.

Bad Guys (Korean)

There were several moments when certain things almost made me nope out (Oh Gu Tak’s entire self; my overwhelming desire to cut Jung Moon’s hair so that his one eye wouldn’t be perpetually covered up; the detective lady whose name I never bothered to catch), but I was so glad I finished it. Park Hae Jin in eps 9 – 11 blew me away; and the ending was kinda dark but in a way that was so satisfying.

Be Loved In House: I Do (Taiwanese)

Not my favorite Taiwanese bl, but not bad.

Beyond Evil (Korean)

Wow, so much going on. The characters developed beautifully, even though Juwon went through a bit of a bratty phase. I loved the mystery.

The Blood of Youth (Chinese)

I loved this so much. THE FOUR WAY BROMANCE omg. And the way the ML slowly but surely dismantled the villains' plans! He met every set-back with a “well, that’s unfortunate, but I can fix it.” It was great, even though the romance they shoe-horned in for the ML was annoying.

Dangerous Drugs of Sex (Japanese)

I watched this because I was curious. It was... Hmm. Well, all I can say is, if you too become curious, make sure you pay attention to the reasons it's 18+, and then assume it's going to be even more f*cked up than it sounds.

Dr. Romantic 2 (Korean)

Honestly I watched this for the Seo Woo Jin whump (Ahn Hyo Seop does suffering so attractively), but since doctor shows otherwise make me nauseous I didn’t watch the last couple of episodes. But I really liked the various relationships among the different characters.

Duoluo Continent (Chinese)

Watched this for Xiao Zhan. I’ve never watched anything like this outside of having caught a glimpse of the Pokemon and Yu Gi Oh cartoons my kid watched, and it was...different. The FL was so irritating, but I wasn’t burned out on this kind of FL yet when I watched this so it was fine.

En of Love: Love Mechanics (Thai)

Too short! The fact that is was remade with most of the same cast and an expanded story makes this one feel almost like a pilot. It was definitely good enough to make me track down the longer version (which I'm currently watching). YinWar are really engaging actors.

Fish Upon the Sky (Thai)

Same actors as in Never Let Me Go, but this one is a comedy. The main character is a high maintenance nerd who goes through a glow-up that almost no one really notices (because he's STILL a high maintenance nerd) except the guy who has had a crush on him forever. Of course it's a guy he thinks is terrible. I loved it. Which is weird because I generally hate comedies.

Handsome Siblings (Chinese)

I enjoyed it mainly because it’s ridiculous.

He is Psychometric (Korean)

Super cute, comfort show. The twists and turns were great. I loved the characters. Side note: the actor who played young Kang Sung Mo did an amazing job. I actually had to stop at one point and Google the cast to make sure the show hadn’t somehow managed to make the older actor look like a teenager because the younger actor absolutely nailed the older actor’s take on the character. (Turns out the younger actor is the ML in The Uncanny Counter! In which I also love him.)

Healer (Korean)

OMG I love this show. So much. I even loved the romance. I wrote a post about it. (Did I go looking for Ji Chang Wook’s filmography after watching this? Yes, yes I did.)

HIStory 4: Trapped (Taiwanese)

Getting into bl drama is a lot like getting into bl manga/manhwa: requires accepting that dramas with action/mystery/SFF are few and far between. (I would also add "dramas with adults" but there seem to be more and more of those these days.) This was one of the first bl dramas I found that wasn't just a romance, and I was SO EXCITED. It's a little cheesy, but I loved it. The cop/mafioso romance (which is also a grumpy cat/sunshine puppy romance) between the leads is a lot of fun. And it has what might be my absolute favorite side pairing: the always-smiling assassin and his adorable tiny cop boyfriend (a sunshine velociraptor/sunshine puppy pairing, if you will).

Hotel Del Luna (Korean)

This show is amazing! Jang Man Wol stewing in rage and ennui for a thousand years only to have everything turned upside down by a stubborn, good-hearted puppy-man who she ironically stuck herself with. The slow, heartbreaking, breath-catching reveal of Man Wol’s past. The range of creepy, sad, funny, heart-warming ghost stories. The characters. The production quality! Ah, so good.

If You Wish Upon Me (Korean)

Another OMG I LOVE THIS. Ji Chang Wook is so good at “sweet, tough, vulnerable, and a good guy despite being raised by wolves” characters. I did cry semi-regularly due to the nature of the setting, but while I usually avoid things that make me cry, this was good crying. And so worth it. Also, the FL is a hoot, and a BAMF when she takes on the ML's abusive ex.

The Imperial Coroner (Chinese)

Adorable nerds falling in love over corpses in ancient China WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE.

Jade Dynasty (Chinese)

I get why people don’t like this, but I did. It was a silly, sweet, fun story and it only required a time commitment of an hour and some.

Joseon Attorney: A Morality (Korean)

I wanted to like this more than I did, because Woo Do Hwan. Loved him. Favorite part was when he was imprisoned and being tortured and someone came to visit him in his cell and he was fidgeting and fussing with the filthy straw while he talked with them. Like. Oh honey. WTF are you doing, just have a good cry and take a nap before your next torture session my babie. But I got kind of bored? As soon as we found out what happened to his sister I gave up and fast-forwarded through the rest so I could at least see what happened.

Jun & Jun (Korean)

I had to be in the right mood to watch this (open to a silly office romance with ALL the tropes), but when I did finally watch it I loved it. There is second (and third) lead syndrome, but all three of the men in love with Lee Jun are likeable, and I honestly would have been happy with Lee Jun choosing any of them. Also, Lee Jun is the most precious bean.

Lawless Lawyer (Korean)

I struggled through the middle of this. I’m not a huge fan of how in Korean shows everything always goes to absolute shit for the main character(s) mid-way through. I mean, I don’t mind that element of storytelling in general; it’s the way it’s so devastating in so many of these shows. This one hit me when I was in the wrong frame of mind, I think. But I’m glad I stuck it out because the way the villain was ultimately taken down was fantastic.

Love and Redemption (Chinese)

OMG LOVE. Serious, serious love. I wrote a post about this.

Love by Chance (Thai)

Ehhh. I ended up fast-forwarding through all of it except the Ai/Pete stuff. That is a great relationship, though. Pete has internalized politeness to an adorable degree, and is sweet despite having been badly burned; Ai went from "uninterested in dating anyone at all but assumed straight" to "oh I'm in love with this guy? I must be gay. Cool."

Love for Love’s Sake (Korean)

This was a sweet show. The concept was clever, and the way it held onto its secrets until almost the end worked really well.

Love in the Air (Thai)

I tried watching this about a year ago - first Thai drama, first bl drama - and I got through the first arc and quit, and didn't go back to bl or Thai dramas for literal months. It was mostly due to the production quality, the cheesiness, and all of the pouting Rain does. But I went back to it recently, after watching A LOT of Thai bl, and I actually love it? Still cheesy, still wishing they could have invested in a boom mic, but I can handwave that now I guess. I really, really love the second story arc, about PaiSky. Sky is a great character, and Prapai goes through character growth! Starts out a pushy, cocky playboy who thinks it's cute to stalk the guy he likes, ends up being a compassionate, responsible boyfriend.

Mad Dog (Korean)

MORE LOVE. This was the kdrama that caused me to fall down the rabbit hole of kdramas in general. I’ve watched this three times. The found family element, the character journey that especially Kim Min Joon but also Choi Kang Woo go through – help, so good. And what a great introduction to Woo Do Hwan. I wrote a post.

Maiden Holmes (Chinese)

This is like...if your favorite, heart-warming, Jane Austen-inspired romance drama was a mystery set in ancient China and had cool fight scenes. Comfort food.

Manner of Death (Thai)

This is barely a bl (very few bl tropes); it's more of a mystery with romance between the two leads who are both guys. Very good, if a little cheesy in places. And let's not talk about Tan's marriage proposal because wtf dude.

Memorist (Korean)

I watched this early in my exploration of kdramas and didn’t like it for some reason; I fast-forwarded through a lot of it. But I think I might have just not been in the right mood before, because I tried it again and it was excellent! The twists and turns of the mystery, the way things that seemed unrelated turned out to be all connected, was awesome.

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But To Kiss! (Japanese)

This was adorable! The main character had a lot more layers than I expected, and his love interest was so sweet.

My Beautiful Man (Japanese)

Two high school boys with problematic behavioral issues whose issues complement each other. It's unexpectedly charming and touching, and I'm really glad there's a sequel!

My Roommate is a Detective (Chinese)

If you want a bromance where you can easily ship the male leads, and has some whump, and you don’t mind cheesiness: here you go!

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnamese)

There's not a lot of Vietnamese bl out there, and I wanted to try one. This one is good; not the greatest acting, but still good. Also, the episodes are so short, so it's a quick watch.

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwanese)

One of the main characters is a dentist, hence the absurd English title. I'm not good with any dentistry situation so I admit I watched a couple of seconds here and there through my fingers, but it's really just a lovely romance. I can't remember where I read it, but this is a good description (paraphrased): the leads woo each other with plushies and naps.

Never Let Me Go (Thai)

Rich high school student's dad is murdered in front of him, and has another high school student, who has never bodyguarded before ever but his dad makes him do it because his dad is kind of a jerk, assigned as his bodyguard. Weird premise, EXCELLENT delivery. The actors who play the boys have great chemistry, and make the characters feel very real.

The Novelist (Japanese)

I don't even know what to say about this drama? It's a bit like those weird little Indie films from the 90s. Like, it's pretty good, but it's also...something.

Numbers (Korean)

I really liked this until the last episode. It fizzled out. Is there supposed to be a second season or something, maybe? IDK.

Oh No Here Comes Trouble (Taiwanese)

Oh this was GOOD. The title and ML's hair cut (yes I judge) made me think it was going to be silly, and there was silliness but there was also a lot of depth and emotion. ML's family situation is a traumatic running thread. The mysteries are clever and fun but heartfelt and sad too. It was just so good.

Old-Fashioned Cupcake (Japanese)

Oh this is so sweet! It's based on a bl manga I haven't read yet, but definitely will because this is just the sweetest, warmest story.

Our Dating Sim (Korean)

Very good, very sweet. I really felt for Gi Tae, waiting so many years, and then hiding so much anxiety.

Sell Your Haunted House (Korean)

Oh this is so good! A great supernatural show, with a great FL, and the FL and ML become besties rather than romantic yay.

Semantic Error [TV show] (Korean)

I watched this because I’d heard of the manga, though I absolutely wasn’t expecting to actually get sucked in like I did. Excellent show. Another one I wrote about.

The Sign (Thai)

I loved this so much!! Action, crime, reincarnation, mythology, romance, humor - there’s so much going on and I enjoyed all of it. The last two episodes used some hand-waving instead of explaining things, but I’m not mad. Billy and Babe had amazing chemistry, too.

Together with Me (Thai)

I couldn't get Manner of Death at the time, but everyone keeps talking about MaxTul, so I watched this. It's not bad.

The Uncanny Counter 1 (Korean)

The first kdrama I watched! The only reason it didn't cause an instant obsession with kdramas is because i started watching Love and Redemption after and that was 59 episodes of blissful hyperfixation. But I love the supernatural/superhero/semi-religious? aspect, I love the different families that the ML has/finds, I love the whump.

Under the Skin (Chinese)

So far this is the only modern Chinese drama I’ve been able to finish. The mysteries were good, the relationship growth between the two male leads was compelling! Good stuff.

Unforgotten Night (Thai)

This show is really pretty terrible. I'm incapable of not laughing when the soundtrack cuts to a track of ~Italian mafioso music every. single. time that Kamol comes on screen. But it's gone so far past terrible that it's come out the other side, and I kinda like it.

The Untamed (Chinese)

First east Asian drama for me! I watched and rewatched this show multiple times in 2021, and without it I don’t think I would have explored [read: become obsessed with] east Asian dramas. I’m still in the fandom and reading the fic and watching the FMVs and etc. I cannot quit WangXian.

Until We Meet Again (Thai)

This is an amazing drama. Romeo and Juliet, but make it a modern bl college story with reincarnation, and the reincarnated Juliet has PTSD from his past life memories. Excellent storytelling, acting, everything.

Watcher (Korean)

Ooooooh this is so good. All of the characters are so compelling, and the overall story kept me engaged. Also, Seo Kang Joon: yes.

Why R U? (Thai)

This is kind of terrible, except that ZeeSaint as Fighter/Tutor absolutely sizzle. I also loved watching Fighter figure out his sexuality via 50% dialogue and actions and 50% Zee's incredibly expressive face.

Word of Honor (Chinese)

I watched this after watching The Untamed, and was kind of meh about it. But then after I’d poked around cdramas a bit, I watched it again and loved it. IDK what happened, but now it’s a fave.

You’re All Surrounded (Korean)

Ok, the FL in this is terrible. So annoying. Despite that and some of the other things that didn’t quite click with me, I was unable to drop it because I NEEDED to find out how Eun Dae Gu’s story would end (very satisfyingly actually!).

Movies:

Long Time No See (Korean)

I love this so much! Assassins; cool fight scenes; traumatized lead; murder boyfriends! UGH it's so good.

The New Employee (Korean)

Not bad. Not great, but not bad.

Pipeline (Korean)

NGL, I watched this because I wanted some Seo In Guk whump. It definitely delivered! It was a fun, fast-paced story, with very little character development and a very underused villain, and really good action. I turned my brain off and enjoyed it. The only thing I couldn't help mentally griping about was the complete lack of ear protection in most (all?) of the drilling scenes. They should have all been partially deaf, good grief.

The Yin Yang Master (Chinese)

Wacky and good!

The Yin Yang Master: Dream of Eternity (Chinese)

Less wacky than the other one, but also good, and the bromance!!!

#kdrama #cdrama #jdrama #thai bl #Taiwanese bl

[dull-c]

right so, i have had a Super Fun week archiving 40 years worth of actual paper author contracts for work (kill meeee) + sorting last minute biz for little sissas wedding. subsequently I have only squeezed in a few rewatches over the last few days, and am generally existing on caffeine and fumes, so there’s absolutely nothing of substance coming outta this head rn. but! regardless! some incoherent Thoughts on some eps from my one semi-functioning brain cell under the cut

previously on the bad show......... daniel: you look good man! you look hot, sorry i mean sorry you still, sorry- got you got that- you still got that great ass, sorry, i mean you look fucken edible, sorry i mean sorry i wanna kiss you johnny: [takes this personally for some reason] //there is no kissing and everyone is mad about it//

1x04 -“the 15 inch, that’s a nice machine” makes me laugh every time. ahh yes indeed the 15 incher. Yes. That one. Almost as good as the 250 GBer. i know about computers. what are the other staff in this store DOING -kinda home of sexual that billboard thing huh? you working through some stuff jlawz? i love the idea of him not only drawing a 5 meter long paint dick on daniel’s face, but also his karate pamphlets trailing behind him all the way like drunken breadcrumbs -i just need you to know that i laughed at every single dick joke in this episode

-gonna skip right past the poop thing i think -and kyler’s 30 year old HS friend -daniel reacting a normal amount to graffiti on his billboard, nothing to see here. he’s fine he’s fine he’s kicking drinks outta peoples hands he’s ruining livelihoods he’s fine -tom cole definitely voted for trump both times -i cannot tell you how angry i was the first time i watched this and that jlawz big “no do overs” speech was revealed to be directed at carmen and miguel. sir i know you got trauma but try that hard with YOUR ACTUAL SON please -daniel: that’s too bad :D that you broke up with kyler :DDDD really sorry to hear!! [is happiest babygirl alive]

1x05 -do some yoga jlawz, it’ll be good for you!! -oh no robby buying pizza for his ma. he got the one she likes. baby boi :((( -gonna scoot past the lynne stuff but i repeat, i’m glad they pumped the brakes on this shit in later seasons bc this aint it!!! -daniel raising the rent on poor folks and then deliberately going to johnny to rub it and/ or his wealth in his face is objectively some supervillain nonsense, but if they wanted me to not like him in this scene maybe they shouldn’t have made him look so hot. i’m very shallow and dumb and he look sexy when he mean -“i guess sam takes after her dad.” kyler’s a gronk but credit where it’s due, that was a sick burn.

-okay daniel talking to miyagi at his grave > cleaning out the dojo > going back to karate > panflutes > hachimaki etc made me do an embarrassingly big cry. my brain is not in any shape to verbalise this rn but something about him fucking up, realizing it and heading to a cemetery and talking to miyagi all vulnerable like that really did a number on my feelings, especially coming right out of the tkk movies rewatch. he misses him so much ;_;

1x06 -boooo kreese sucks, even in flashbacks and when I can’t see his face. -“my dad hates [daniel larusso’s] guts” ok was jlawz just talking about daniel constantly the full 30+ years?? no wonder robby is mad, if every time he actually saw him he was like “hi dad!” and dad launched into an hour long rant about one guy from high school he interacted with a total of four times and three of those four times was him beating him up -demetri is a big vibe. love my beloved garbage disaster man, but pretty sure if I met him irl i would pretty quickly be like ‘ok buddy, for sure! yeah strike hard totally. anyway…. [already out the door] seeya!!’ -daniel asking everyone to do karate with him including his employees trying to fill that miyagi void is such an understatedly sad part of this episode. my old mens both so sad. ilu please go to therapy -miguel and sam are freaking adorable awkward babies and i would die for them -robby trying to use daniel to get back at his dad and then instantly imprinting on him is so funny. being charmed by daniel larusso is in the genes somehow -(not to be shallow ((is shallow)) but daniel looks so baby in that bit where robby comes to the house) -you know that scene in not another teen movie where they’re like “oh my god she’s wearing glasses! and overalls! and her hair is tied back!!”? the Hawk scene gives that in reverse vibes. like GASP, he gelled his hair!! and put on skinny jeans!!!

1x07 -it’s a montaaaage! -miguel no offense my sweet summer child but do not ask jlawz for advice on romance. his idea of courting is just obsessively brooding about them for 30 years and then when he finally sees them again stomping on their foot and running away -daniel being like “it was a solid business plan!” (re little trees) is so so daniel. i am gonna chew my own arm off i love this bouncy little pretend guy so hard -the UST in the committee meeting is off the charts. please stop looking at each other like that in public (also daniel being like OH GIMMIE A BREAK when jlawz said ‘kreese is dead’ is honestly the funniest thing in all of season 1. maybe the entire series) -i’m getting ahead of myself, but the golf and stuff montage has made me think – it’s kinda weird that they went with ali and jlawz going there in s3, right? idk miguel and sam is a cute little parallel to the movie, but A & J going there seems…. strange to me. although not any stranger than anything else they’ve done re: the original movie ig? hmm.   anyway! weird thought to end things on, but sometimes it do be like that. will resume normal rewatching transmissions on the weekend. might even have an actual coherent thought or two on something after I catch up on some sleep! i have high hopes

#claire rewatches the 35 year slow burn #rewatch 1x04 - 1x07 #tired edition

[storm-and-starlight]

The Mountain Scene

(aka, can we give Geralt a break please?)

Okay, I’m going to preface this by saying that  while I do love and adore Jaskier, I identify fairly heavily with Netflix!Geralt in a lot of ways, and tbh he’s probably my favorite character in any version of the media. If you hate him, this probably isn’t the blog for you, but I say this so that if I seem biased in his favor over Jaskier’s, or if this post seems excessively Jaskier-critical, you know where I’m coming from.

(I have also not yet seen much of s2, so this will have absolutely no references to anything shown in s2.)

So, without further ado, let’s talk about the Mountain Scene, and why my main reaction to it is “oh my god please give every single person here a hug, a blanket, and like three years of therapy”.

One: Jaskier and Boundaries

Over the course of the show, Jaskier, extremely consistently, ignores Geralt’s boundaries.

That sounds harsh, but... he really kind of does. There are multiple scenes where Geralt will request that Jaskier leave him alone (the scene in the Posada tavern in ep. 2, getting punched in ep. 2, the scene in the Cintran tavern in ep.4, “I just want some damn peace” in ep. 5) and then Jaskier does not. 

I would ABSOLUTELY NOT say that this is to toxic levels (and considering Geralt’s self-isolating tendencies is probably good for him), but taken at face value, there’s a very consistent pattern of Jaskier not leaving Geralt alone when he requests to be left alone, or indicates that he doesn’t want to be talked to. And Geralt’s not subtle about it, either, “fuck off” is about as blunt as it gets.

So you get to the mountain scene, and Geralt is, once again, attempting to indicate that he wishes to be left alone, and Jaskier, again, ignores that.

This isn’t to say he’s unsympathetic, or self-centered, but it’s a kind of sympathy that goes counter to what Geralt needs in that moment.

One and a Half: Geralt and Boundaries

Another relevant thing here is that Geralt has a history that has essentially worn away at his ability to enforce those boundaries. He’s clearly willing and able to state them, and state them loudly, but if you look at the scene after Renfri’s death in ep.1 where he just lets them stone him, or the “then I’ll die” phrase from ep.3, it reads to me as someone who’s been told his entire life that his wants and needs and even life don’t matter. Which is, you know, not great. And the thing about this is that it’s pretty common if that someone pushes at your boundaries one time too many, you end up pushing back.

Two: Sympathy and Flippancy

Okay, now here’s where we get into what that means. 

Jaskier is shown, over the course of the show, to care about Geralt a great deal, a care that Geralt is only shown as reciprocating in certain moments. That being said, Jaskier’s approach to Geralt’s problems is very... shall we say, careless. What comes to mind the most is their first scene in ep.5, where Geralt is clearly upset about being unable to sleep and Jaskier, while he has an initial moment of clear and obvious concern, as soon as it’s revealed that it’s insomnia he starts laughing. Many of his interactions with Geralt have a self-centered undertone to them -- his lamenting about the Countess de Stael, his pushing about Ciri despite Geralt’s lack of interest in talking about it, even the “we could go to the coast” speech can read as him expressing his own wants, rather than trying to figure out Geralt’s.

And, specifically, when you get to the mountain scene, that’s there too.

After all of the bullshit that Geralt’s been through in the past twenty-four hours (see below), Jaskier approaches him in what is clearly an attempt to cheer him up or reassure him, but in a way that doesn’t make his care or his intentions particularly obvious. Specifically, it’s a lighthearted “whoof, what a day--”, which..

If I were in Geralt’s position, again, and someone approached me during an emotional breakdown with that, I would absolutely read it as flippant and uncaring. (Which is NOT to say that it is, or that that’s what Jaskier intended, just that that’s what it sounded like.)

Three: Dragon Hunting’s Stressful as Fuck

The thing I see the most ignored about the dragon hunt is that Geralt has been through just ridiculous amounts of shit in under 24 hours. Let’s sum up, shall we?

1.) First, there are a bunch of background stressors, like the fact that the Reavers could just decide to kill them all in their sleep, and Geralt clearly doesn’t quite trust Yennefer’s presence in the group (see his conversation with Borch).

2.) Borch, Tea, and Vea die in front of him because he couldn’t pull them back up. Like, I know we’re all accustomed to stuff like that because of movies and TV but that is going to fuck you up pretty bad.

3.) Geralt, an extremely guarded person, gets very vulnerable with Yennefer in her tent, which is definitely going to leave him with some Stuff to Process

4.) Borch, Tea, and Vea are alive and Borch is a dragon oh and also now they have to fight and kill a bunch of Reavers too, which would be a shock to anyone’s system

5.) Borch reveals one of Geralt’s secrets without any prior warning and without his consent.

6.) Yennefer breaks up with him, explosively, and he retreats from everyone else.

For Geralt, who presumably has a lot of trouble dealing with emotions and interpersonal stuff, that’s just. that’s so much emotional turmoil all in one go. He’s probably absolutely reeling from everything and attempting to process on his own.

Four: Geralt Snaps.

So let’s sum all this up.

Jaskier has a history of ignoring Geralt’s requests for space, no matter how blunt of forward, and a history of not appearing to care about Geralt’s problems or issues, in favor of his own ideas or his own problems. Whether or not the latter is true, from Geralt’s perspective it’s definitely there.

Geralt’s been through just so much shit and is most likely in a really fragile emotional state when Jaskier approaches him, and approaches him in a way where it’s easy to miss the fact that he’s trying to help.

So he snaps. Which is a perfectly understandable reaction to the situation.

Like. It is absolutely the wrong reaction to the situation. Jaskier doesn’t deserve what Geralt said for what he’s done. 

But given everything that’s gone down, how consistently Jaskier ignores Geralt’s requests for space, how much stress Geralt’s been under, I can totally see what’s going through Geralt’s head, and it’s, essentially, “oh my god I just want to be left alone to deal GO AWAY” and then you get the mountain scene.

It’s not a good scene, and no one is perfectly flawless, but it’s a very very human scene. And from my place behind the fourth wall where no living human was actually hurt and I can see all sides equally, I just want to give everyone there a hug and some therapy.

(Disclaimer: I do actually love Jaskier and I love him very much, but I did want to address all of the shit he does in canon that’s never mentioned in the fandom)

#the witcher #the mountain scene #these are thoughts I've been having tbh since I joined the fandom #but they've come back with s2 and with a vengeance #because yean Geralt did a horrible thing #but it wasn't out of the blue and Jaskier's not some poor little woobie who never did anything wrong ever

[argylemikewheeler]

July 1st, 1985

what the first ep of (my) s3 would look like if the main concept was: both Steve and Will are gay in 1985’s Summer of Love and the town’s enemy is a little more human; loving friendships, very confused adults, and Will Byers Actually Getting Help

“Harrington!”

“Yes, sir.” Steve looked up from his desk. He dropped his crossword and looked to be at attention; the police station’s phone wasn’t ringing, though, so there wasn’t really anything he should have been doing. Hopper stepped out of his office, angling himself toward the door rather than Steve’s desk island.

“Do you think you’ll be able to-- Harrington, what are you doing?” Hopper caught sight of the pocket thesaurus sitting on his desk (the last name written on the inside cover not belonging to Steve, of course). Hopper fixed his sunglasses on the edge of his nose, looking over them and down at Steve.

“I’m just, uh, working on my vocabulary.” Steve said. Hopper blinked twice, waiting. Steve wasn’t going to say the truth: he was dating-- well seeing someone-- way smarter than him. This wasn’t for joy or boredom. He was studying to impress. “It’s college prep, sir.”

“The crossword?” The chief evened his stare. “This your old man’s suggestion?” Of all the things Steve’s father was telling him to do with himself, he  wished  some of it was simply pecking at a crossword over a twelve hour shift.  Fucking off  and  being a better piece of shit son  just wasn’t feasible to accomplish in one summer.

“He swears by it.”

“Okay, well. Uh, moving on from that,” Hopper grabbed his hat from the coat rack. The topic of Steve’s father always made Hopper stiffen up; it was definitely the main reason Hopper gave Steve his job at the station, but it still created more questions. Steve knew Hopper and his father went to high school together, but he never asked his father about those years-- beyond his baseball glory stories. “I’ve got plans tonight and I need to head out early. Can you handle things on your own for a while. At least until the night shift comes in?”

“I’ll be fine.” Steve made sure not to acknowledge the crossword on his desk as he nodded. He was really good at his job, he was. He was also just, unfortunately, still a pretty shitty boyfriend and needed all the vocab help he could get. “What’s the pressing story?”

“I have dinner.” Hopper was already trying to walk out the door. “So  don’t  call me. For the love of God.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Chief. I--” Steve was sure it was the cool July wind that slammed the door on the last half of his sentence. Not Hopper. “won’t... Have a good time, I guess.”

The police station was empty: it was another boring and wonderfully quiet Monday in Hawkins. There’d been some calls to break up disturbances at city hall in the past few days, but somehow everyone just seemed to agree that Mondays-- the longest shift of Steve's whole week-- was the day everyone went about their quietest day.

There were a few officers milling in and out of the back lounge and front door, casting a quick glance to Steve as he muttered and threatened fourteen down and six across. Nancy had been helping close the gaps of his post-high school education-- without knowing just what for-- but had been picking up most hours at the Post to try and elbow her way into their good graces; it put his tutoring on hold. So here he was, groaning at some clues about classical artists he’d never heard of.

There were other reasons Steve was sure the other officers thought he was odd-- things he was  sure  his father had passed along in spitting rants-- but Steve didn’t mind. No one said anything to his face.

“Hey Flo! Is, uh, is Steve here?” The question was asked with the answer already in mind.

Steve sat up in his chair, twisting around to see down the hall to the back entrance to the station. There weren’t many parking spots to fill, but he knew a certain someone who preferred it to street parking.

“Jonathan?”

“Oh, I hear him. Thanks-- hey!” Jonathan hurried out from the hall, his camera bumping against his stomach and bag slapping against his leg in the same rhythm. He’d gotten a new haircut recently: semi-wonky bangs and a closer cut in the back. All thanks to Steve’s peer pressure and Mrs. Byers’s kitchen shears.

“What are you doing here?”

“Sorry to stop by your work like this--” he lowered his voice as he stopped at the corner of Steve’s desk. “I know we said we wouldn’t do that, but we got an extra muffin in the lunch order and I know you’re always starving after a Monday shift so.” Jonathan produced a folded brown paper bag from his satchel. “Here.”

“Oh, thanks.” Steve wanted to say so much more, but had to settle. No more. None of what they’d decided they wouldn’t say. Not until the summer had ended. They wanted to see if they lasted longer than the convenience of loose summer schedules.

“Won’t I see you, uh, later, though?” At eight, when Steve got sent home he always drove straight to Jonathan’s. Jonathan started late on Tuesdays and Steve had off; they had the time to waste. “Or is this your way of telling me to stay home?”

“No! No we’re still... hanging out.” Jonathan had gotten really good at cooking and treated Steve to weekly dinner. It was a nice gesture at first, but Steve started growing fond of the company. They both did around mid-June. “But, I think Mike’s going to be over so. Be  cool , alright? Keep it cool.”

“Cool, got it.” Steve leaned back in his chair. He moved his papers to leave a corner of his desk for Jonathan to sit on. No one was in the main office; it was a harmless invitation.

“I have to get going...” It sounded like an excuse, a dive for safety. “And I’m sure you have, um,  puzzles  to do?” Jonathan pretended not to be endeared. He tried, he really did. He  failed , but Steve pretended he didn’t notice.

“Don’t want to sit and help me figure out the title of Mozart’s last opera?” He patted the desk, daring to be more direct.

“I really have to go.” Jonathan was genuine, looking at his watch. “The Post only let me out early today because I have to go pick up Will from his doctor’s appointment.”

“Wait.” Steve put the cap back on his pen. “Isn’t Will’s therapy on Wednesday?”

“Yeah, but with Mom’s schedule and the store being all weird-- we had to move it to today. And you know we typically have a family night after-- so he feels okay, you know-- but we  can’t  . So,  that’s why Mike’s coming over. Hopefully they’ll be idiots and tire Will out and he’ll sleep okay.” Tension rose in Jonathan’s voice quickly, explaining his day as if going over a laundry list; never rehearsing it but having it memorized.

“I can stay home if you need time, Jonathan.”

“No, really. I want you to come over.” Jonathan sighed and placed his hand on the emptied spot on Steve’s desk. “Besides, you can’t break tradition after a little over  one month , then it was just a weird habit.”

Steve Harrington did not consider his summer fling a w  eird habit . If anything, it was the most sensical thing he’d done in a very long time. Even after getting rejected from all his colleges, and never hearing the end of his father’s lectures, 1985 had been very kind to him. And that was mostly due to Jonathan’s inherent nature to be the same.

“I’ll see you after eight.” Steve smiled and reached for his hand-- but averted to grab a piece of memo paper by the phone.

“I’m sorry to leave in a rush.” Jonathan hitched his bag up, checking his watch again. “I just, I really need to get going.”

“Don’t worry. The muffin is  more  than enough.” Steve said. “And seeing you wasn’t too bad either.”

“Slow day, huh?” Jonathan said. The corner of his mouth quirked with a flattered, embarrassed smile. Steve tried to act nonchalant, like he wasn’t so goddamn relieved to see a familiar and happy face. Especially  his  familiar and happy face. “Well, good thing I have another surprise for you.”

“You can barely fit your camera in that bag, what could you possibly-- hey!” Steve missed grabbing Jonathan’s arm as he walked away, heading for the front door. “Where are you going?” Jonathan kept walking, checking his watch the whole way. “Hello?”

“Delivered right on time.” Jonathan pushed the front door open to the station-- but was nearly knocked over as a green  dash  barreled through it.

"Steve! Steve! Steve!” The dash was suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders. “You got the job!”

“Henderson! Oh my god! You’re back!” In an unlikely impulse, Steve grabbed Dustin in a hug, taking advantage of the change of height. “Holy shit, I nearly forgot! First of the month!”

“See you, Steve.” Jonathan walked across the room to the back entrance again. His hand braced the back of Steve’s chair, brushing across his shoulders.

“O-Okay! Yeah, see you!” Steve sputtered, losing his reminded  cool  in an instant. “Bye.”

Dustin pulled away slowly. “What was that?” It looked like  everyone  was too smart for Steve.

“Nothing. He brought me a surprise lunch-- which was an  obvious decoy to the main event! You! How are you, buddy? How was camp?”

“Oh, it was fantastic. Steve, I  have  to show you all my inventions! Camp was the  best  four weeks  of  my  life .” Dustin hopped up onto the corner of his desk. His heels tapped against the empty metal drawers. He was jittery, nearly uncontainable, but still so composed-- if only to be focused all on Steve.

Steve held his hands out, letting him start. “Lay it on me, Henderson! I want to hear everything. I missed you like crazy.”

“Well, first, obviously. I have to tell you about my girlfriend--”

“Whoa! Whoa!  Girlfriend  ? That fast?” Steve hadn’t been expecting any of his dating advice to work. It had been coming from such a poor and confused part of himself, Steve figured it was destined to fail. Apparently, it was just  Steve  that was-- when flirting with women at least. “Damn, there’s something in you after all!”

“She’s  super  smart, Steve. I’ve never met any girl like her. She’s a genius and she’s so pretty. God, I miss her already-- and I  just  saw her.”

Steve looked over his shoulder. He knew the feeling. “That’s great, man. I mean, I’m super happy for you. Like, that’s  crazy . That’s freaking awesome.”

“So what about you? How are the ladies? I mean, you work for the  Chief  now. All the ladies you could need and more, am I right?”

Steve used to be really good at this part of the lie, but with Dustin it felt cheap. He didn’t need to lie to him, but that was the deal; no matter how much that person was Steve’s best and most beloved friend, their secret was a dead-bolt, vaulted secret.

“Eh, not too great. Only girl my own age I see-- besides Nancy, really-- is the night-shift girl, Robin. But she’s not really-- we’re just friends. She’s alright. Leaves me weird drawings in the memo pad.”

“Ooo, she sounds cool.” Dustin raised his eyebrows. “Do you know her from school?”

“Yeah, we didn’t really run in the same crowds but-- it’s not like that, man. It’s really not.” Steve started unwrapping his lunch. “It’s so not like that with Robin.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m not...  looking  at the moment.”

Steve had originally decided to not go looking for trouble. After he and Nancy split in the beginning of his senior year, he didn’t start looking for an immediate replacement. The illusion of thinking he was in love with Nancy-- capable of being in love with Nancy-- was a hard thing to have come crumbling down. Steve needed time to get his own bearings, to put his feet firmly on the ground, and have them lifted off when his father grabbed him by the lapels and--

Steve hadn’t gone looking for trouble. Hadn’t gone looking for love either. But somehow, both seemed to find him.

Jonathan was late. He usually wasn’t but Will was trying not to be worried. It was a different day than usual and he knew how awful Jonathan’s boss and co-workers were. Will tried not to be worried-- he wasn't. It was just that he had spent an hour talking about the night his father left their family; standing outside the doctor’s office was a bit nerve-wracking. It felt too familiar, even with all the talking and note-scribbling.

Finally, Jonathan’s car pulled into the lot. He was speeding, as much as his car  could  speed: he knew he was late, which made Will feel a little bit better. No one had forgotten him. It was just traffic or his bosses or maybe just hitting all the red lights. As Jonathan stopped in front of the curb and waved Will in, Will could see he was jittery-- he was  upset  that he was late. Will felt bad for counting the minutes.

Not that he did it out of impatience or anything. Will just formed the habit after getting his new watch. It matched Mike’s. Completely on accident, of course.

“Hey, buddy! Sorry I’m late. I was-- I had to run an errand really fast. How long were you waiting.” He moved his bag and threw it onto the backseat. Will would’ve held it on his lap.

“I wasn’t keeping track.” Will said, climbing into the passenger seat. Will wanted to ask if his bag had Jonathan’s camera in it. If everything was okay. He didn’t. It seemed like Jonathan had been in his therapy with Will, just as shaken up. “It’s okay. Thanks for getting me.”

Jonathan waited until Will put on his seat belt. “Of course. We’re always here to pick you up. Therapy is important; you have to go.”

Will laughed before he could stop himself. “You sound like Mom.”  Why?

“Because she’s right.” Therapy was still kind of weird to Will-- since  no one else  in his grade had to do it-- but he humored his family. It was helping, if he had to admit it. But it was still embarrassing sometimes.

His therapist, Dr. Bright--  Rose Marie, as she insisted on being called-- was a send-out from the Lab, but disguised within a private practice just outside of town. She was able to listen to Will talk about what he saw and felt during his time with the Mind Flayer without trying to commit him. Almost nothing was off limits. Almost nothing.

Will checked his watch again.

“Are you excited to see Mike tonight?” The question was pointed, but Will wasn’t sure why it made him nervous. “I mean, I feel like I haven’t seen him in a bit.”

“Oh, yeah. He’s always with El.”

Will was sure they  weren’t  dating. El was just on a year-long stint of self-discovery and, besides Max, Mike was the person she trusted the most to help make as many helpful mistakes as possible. He bought her books to read and new music to try. It was really sweet, seeing Mike take such big strides toward helping their friend. But there was also a part of Will that felt dejected:  his  sort of help had to be prescribed and couldn’t be replaced with a warm laugh from one Mike Wheeler.

Will was sick while his friends were growing.

“Is there something wrong?” Jonathan used to ask the question like Will was one trembling lip away from crying-- but this time, he asked it like Will had his hand on the door, seconds from jumping out. “Will, are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Will nodded. “I’m fine. Just-- I talked a lot today and I’m tired.”

“Do you want to cancel with Mike--”

“No.” Will had been looking forward to having time with Mike--  just  Mike-- for a whole week. He wanted to sit on his floor with his best friend and be a kid again. Just for the night-- maybe draw some of Mike’s old campaigns or sketch out an idea for his own. He just wanted to remember something good about the past four years. After his hour with Dr. Bright, it all felt painful. Like his childhood naivety had been broken and every conversation he overheard in his house dripped with venom and disdain.

Will didn’t like picturing his house that way. It was a place that loved and raised him, a place he felt safe. He didn’t like thinking the conversations he heard being screamed through the walls were trapped in the drywall.

His arms felt heavy and his chest felt like it was made of metal-- he kept tasting it in his mouth. Will leaned back against the seat and reached for the radio. Jonathan turned it down before Will had even changed the station.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just want to see Mike.” Will said, his mouth too honest and his mind shrouded in guilt. “I just want to see my friend.”

“Okay. Okay.” Jonathan nodded somewhat somberly. “I understand. Let’s go pick him up. He’s at his house right? Not El’s-- o-or The Sinclair’s or anything?”

“No. He’s at his.” Will crossed his arms and tried to find the loose string-- the thing that could uncoil Jonathan’s still-tightening anxiety. “Are you still dating Nancy?”

Jonathan turned to look at Will, nearly crashing the car. That was the wrong string. “What?”

“Nancy? Are you still dating her?”

“I was never dating Nancy.” Jonathan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m not dating Mike’s sister, don’t worry.” The clarification was strange and felt off-topic. Like Jonathan was trying to talk about something else.

“I thought you were. You guys hung out a lot during school.” Will heard her voice through the walls too. Always gentle, never yelling. Except when she was losing at playing cards. Then she shouted.

“She was helping me pass chemistry. That’s all.” Jonathan turned the radio up a little. Will checked his watch. “And then she helped me apply to the Post internship-- she’s great at writing papers, did you know that? A real wordsmith. Is Mike a writer too?”

He was, he  really  was. Grammatically, Will ran out of red pens trying to help, but creatively? Will envied Mike’s ability. “I don’t know. We don’t really talk about that kind of stuff like you two do… Since you two are dating.”

“We’re  not .” Jonathan laughed. Will took advantage of an upcoming stop sign to lean forward and look at his brother’s crimson face. “We’re not, Will, okay? We’re really not. I’d tell you.”

“You’d tell me?”

“Of course! I’d tell you if I… I had a girlfriend. Which I don’t!” He stayed at the stop sign for a bit too long. “Do you?”

There was an option to play dumb, to make Jonathan ask more directly:  do you have a girlfriend, Will ? but it sounded far more painful than being honest, than being as lonely as he was.

“No. I don’t.”

“And you’d tell me. If you were dating someone?” Jonathan looked at Will, hopeful but scarcely so. “You’ll tell me if anything big happens in your life?”

“Yeah.” There wouldn’t be anything happening at all that summer, that was for  damn sure . “Absolutely.”

Steve had about seventy percent of his puzzle done-- fifty of which was because Dustin was an unstoppable genius with no tolerance for Steve’s careful pace. It was just about quarter past seven, and Steve’s back was getting sore from sitting in his chair all day. He only liked sitting when it was in his car, on his way to the Byers's House, careful, of course, to obey all traffic laws.

Steve was packing his crosswords and pens up in the top drawer of his desk when something clattered the back door open. Steve grabbed a pen and whipped around in his seat, as if to wield it like a weapon.

“Hello? Who’s there?”

“Hey dingus.” Luckily, Steve couldn’t even see Robin yet-- or rather, she couldn’t see him or his emphasized eye roll. She could hear him groan though. “Hey, shut up and quit whining. I’m sending you home early.”

Her head popped out from the hallway. Robin’s ponytail was high on her head, the hair flopping over and getting caught in her stringy bangs. She flung her backpack out from behind her and tossed it toward Steve. She wasn’t in her uniform yet, only wearing the buttoned up shirt-- unbuttoned and showing her torn and dyed shirt underneath. She was wearing jogging shorts, her knees torn up and covered with Band-Aids. They reminded Steve of the ones taped to his face after getting a plate smashed into his forehead. Deceivingly cheerful.

“What are you doing here early?” Steve stood and followed her, holding her backpack awkwardly in his hands. “You’re  never  early.” Eight on the dot. Every time.

“I figure you want to get out of here tonight.” She didn’t even stop to look at Steve as they walked into the back room. “Probably want to see your boyfriend.”

Her words weren’t sharp, but Steve still recoiled. He let his arms, and her bag, hang by his sides.

“Who? Jonathan?” The only way Jonathan and Robin had ever met was in the hallways of Hawkins High. She definitely never saw them interact at the station-- or on any of their nights together: they were always indoors. “He’s  not my boyfriend.”

“First off, I didn't even say a name." Shit. "Second, he came in the other day looking for you.” Robin started buttoning her shirt up, fixing the collar as she finally turned to see Steve. “He was really upset-- didn’t even know what time it was to know you weren’t working.”

“Upset?” Technically, it wasn’t Steve’s problem. It was the deal; they didn’t  have  to care about each other’s lives. It was just summer. It was just like any other summer.

“Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.” Robin sounded extremely sympathetic despite beginning to change her pants. Steve whipped around, covering his face. “You should go see him. Make sure he’s okay. Be a good boyfriend... shithead.”

“He’s  not--”

“Steve, I’m the last person you should be arguing with.” Robin laughed-- and it was only momentarily threatening. Until, of course, Steve realized what she meant.

Like all good secrets kept at Hawkins PD, Steve kept his mouth shut and nodded even if she wasn’t looking.

“Yes, sir--ma'am-- Robin.”

“So, are you going to go or what, dingus?” She tapped him on the shoulder. “Get out of here-- and tell me all about it Wednesday.”

Steve blinked at her, holding out her bag. As if it was enough thanks to give her back her own property. “Are we… friends, or something?”

“No, of course not.” She winked, slapping his arm. “Just looking out for one of my own.”

After picking Mike up from his house, they drove home in uncharacteristic chatter. Jonathan was the only one speaking, humming along to the radio. Will was exhausted beyond performative small talk; the type that had to be done between two best friends when a third party was present. Mike was great at just sitting with Will in silence, but Jonathan didn’t know that. Instead, the three of them passed around quiet jokes and laughter, answering questions about their friends for Jonathan’s upkeep of information.

Once they got in the house, Jonathan let them wander off into Will’s room as he started pulling pots out of the kitchen cabinets. He wouldn’t bother or pester them about any summer work, either. They would be left alone in their own coupled silence.

Mike was sitting cross-legged on Will’s floor, twisting one of Will's crayons between his fingers. Will needed new ones but he felt funny asking for them as a near-freshman in high school. He liked the glide of wax on paper compared to the scrape of colored pencils. Well, that and the fact he ruined half of his crayons the year prior making a full map of Hawkins in a fugue state and only had two crayons able to be used normally.

“You had doctor stuff today, right?”

Will was digging under his bed for his emptier sketch book. “Yeah. Therapy.  Doctor  doctor stuff was two weeks ago.”

“How was it?” Mike let his hand still and rest in his lap. “Like, what do you do in therapy? Just start talking?”

“Yeah, but it’s more than that. You have to think about stuff too. Doctors ask you questions, sometimes.” Will pulled back and drug his old drawing supplies along the carpet. He sat back on his heels and was able to see Mike over the top of the bed. He didn’t know Will was looking. “You have to have answers.”

“What do they ask about?” Mike kept looking at his hands, unaware of Will. “Upside down stuff?”

“Sometimes.” Will shuffled back around to Mike's side of the bed. He could feel the tiniest bit of rug burn starting. “She asked me about my dad today.”

Mike looked up, almost immediately. “Can she do that?”

“Why can’t she?” Will popped the lid on the retired Tupperware, now his art bin. “I talked about it.”

“I thought you didn’t like to.” Will had never said those words which meant Mike had gathered it from just observing him. “Did you… like talking about it?”

“Not really.” Will laughed. He found a few extra crayons, but of all the wrong colors. “She had this big speech afterward about learned helplessness that I… really didn’t like.” Will tried to keep laughing.

Mike put the crayon back in the bin. “Are you okay, Will?”

“Yeah. It’s just… the same old stuff.” Will shrugged. “Sometimes it just bothers me more than other days.”

Mike bit the inside of his cheek, picking at his words carefully. “You never talk about your dad, Will.”

“Why would I?”

“Because it bothers you. You can talk about anything you want-- I… I would listen.”

“You don’t have to listen to it just because it happened to me, you know. My therapist says you don’t have to experience things with me for them to be real.”

“But I want to know.” Mike looked insulted, almost crushed and collapsed as he sat back on his hands. “That’s your dad,” he said. “And you’re my friend.”

They sat in silence for a while. Mike went back to studying a new crayon, picking at the wrapper. Will felt something forming in his throat. A bubble that was hot, thick and sticky. Not vomit, but not impending tears either.

“I don’t get why he left.” Will said. “I don’t know what happened to our family.”

“Nothing happened. Maybe he just… wasn’t good at being your dad anymore.”

“But then why? What did I do?” Will didn’t want to ask Mike, make him feel responsible for answering, but Will was desperate to ask the universe again.

“Nothing.” Mike said. “I just think he…”

“He what? My dad got tired of me? Didn’t want to raise me?”

“Maybe he actually learned how to take a hint and knew he wasn’t good enough for you and Jonathan-- or your mom.” Mike wanted to be hopeful, to be positive, so badly. He ached, his smile tight and weak. He didn't have the answers, and who was Will to put him in the position to come up with them.

“So he gave up.” Will said.

“That’s not what I meant--”

“I know. I know… That’s just how it feels.” Will shrugged. He smiled at Mike, accepting his help and his warmth. It hurt knowing that Mike was wrong, but still. Will could always pretend a little longer. Anything for Mike.

“Hey! You monsters hungry?” Steve clapped his hands together before gently tapping the door. “Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”

The door was open. Steve didn’t have to knock. He wanted to, just to prove he wasn’t  too  comfortable, but he also knew Mike was over. And knocking would announce his entrance rather than letting it just be something that just  was  . Rather than being  cool .

Awkwardly and with a lot of weird, throat-clearing fanfare, Steve opened the Byers’s front door and poked his head inside. Jonathan called him in from the kitchen without even needing to say hello, or being surprised by his walking in:  In here, Steve! Dinner’s almost done .

Steve walked through the living room carefully, as if he’d disturb it. There was a tape playing softly-- some band Steve’s never heard of, but didn’t hate. He’d grown to like the way that every song played in the Byers house was always moody and melancholy. The music was always the opposite of how he felt stepping into the kitchen.

Jonathan was at the stove, stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious. He had what looked to be tomato sauce stains on the front of his shirt-- where he wrapped his hand up to open the sauce jar. Steve was able to hide his smile as he shouldered off his uniform jacket and toed off his shoes, claiming a chair at the kitchen table.

“How was work?” Jonathan didn’t stop stirring. He moved like the stove was turned all the way up and he was afraid of burning the food. He spoke that way too.

“It was fine. Not a whole lot.” Steve didn’t want to have anything seem bigger than whatever upset Jonathan-- and seemed to still be upsetting him now. “How was your day?”

“Fine. Will and Mike are in the other room.” He was checking things off his list. Steve stepped up to Jonathan and stood even with him at the stove. He was making one-pot pasta. It really did smell fantastic. Steve was so hungry, even after his lunch.

“How was… the other things in your day? Develop any good pictures?” Steve covered how stupid he sounded by placing his hand on Jonathan’s lower back.

Jonathan stopped stirring and looked at him. Steve tried to keep cool, tried not to show his motives-- his attempt to calm something he couldn’t believe he’d missed spinning out of control, even if he didn’t know what it was. “Nancy walked into the dark room today-- she’s actually the one who gave me the muffin-- and she exposed the photos to light too early. So no, actually.”

Steve really was a bad boyfriend. Even when he wasn’t one yet-- or at all.

“Okay… how was. Everything else?”

“You don’t have to ask about my day, Steve. It’s okay.” Jonathan sighed and spoke evenly. “I’m just a little tired. Really. We don’t have to do the whole…  thing .”

The whole thing where Steve was explicit about how much he really cared about Jonathan and admitted he was sincerely and terrifyingly in love with Jonathan.

“I was asking because I was curious. Not out of obligation.” Steve clarified. His hand slid to rest on Jonathan’s hip. He moved closer, lips aiming to place a commitment-less kiss on his cheek.

“Steve! I said to keep it  cool .” Jonathan ducked back, placing a hand on Steve’s chest. “I don’t want Will to see us.”

“Your brother?” Steve was surprised; of all people Jonathan explicitly wanted to hide from Will seemed kind and forgiving-- not that there was anything  to  forgive, but it was something Steve often checked for. Steve was sure that one of Dustin’s friends would be… like Steve. Or like Jonathan-- maybe. All of them seemed prepared to deal with any of their friends suddenly being different. Far more prepared than Steve ever was.

“Yes. My brother.” Jonathan snapped, banging the spoon against the edge of the pot. “I don’t want him to learn I’m not dating Nancy but  instead  seeing her ex-boyfriend in the same day.” he whispered.

“Wait, what? He thinks you’re with Nancy?” Steve wasn’t sure where they went wrong. They were trying to  obscure  the truth, not lead everyone to a different reality. “D-Do you think Mike does too?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t want to ask and seem weird.” Jonathan sighed again. He sounded tense again. “I told Will I’d tell him if I was seeing anyone… And he promised me the same.”

Steve knew not to press the obvious question-- well   are  you seeing someone, Jonathan?  -- but also didn’t want to touch the obvious implication that Will  needed  to share a secret with Jonathan. Instead, he placed his hands into his pockets and turned to lean against the counter.

“Dinner smells really good, Byers.” There was another name that began with “B” that Steve wasn’t allowed to use, but always wanted to. Byers Byers Byers. Baby baby baby. “Thank you, again, for cooking for me-- for us.”

“You think I’m going to let you starve?” His stirring slowed; the stove cooled down. He nudged Steve’s arm with the spoon. “You coming home late and trying to cook? You mean half-drinking a beer and falling asleep face down on your bed in your uniform, half unbuttoned.”

“You picture that often, Byers?” Steve lifted an eyebrow. “Hm?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Jonathan’s lips quirked into a smile again. “But, if you’d like a beer, I think there’s one in the fridge. No one in the house is going to touch it.”

“I can go ask Will if he wants it.”

“Shut up-- do you want it or not?”

“No.” Steve didn’t like drinking when they were together. He’d never really heard the full story about where Mr. Byers went, but he had a father of his own to make those blank spaces fill pretty fast. “But thanks. Don’t want the habit of needing a beer to forget how boring my job is.”

“I thought you liked your job?” Jonathan took a piece of pasta out of the pot and held it out for Steve to test.

He chewed and answered. “I do! It’s nice to have normal hours-- and I’m happy to help have replacements as Flo gets ready to retire but… I don’t know. Sometimes it feels  boring .”

“Would you rather be chasing down a four-legged monster without a face?” Jonathan let out a bubble of genuine laughter, playfully glaring at Steve.

“Frankly, yes! At least we’d all have something to do. I feel like I don’t see everyone anymore.”

“Then throw a party. Don’t wish for anything bad to happen.” Jonathan said firmly. “Let the record show my brother is a very strange magnet for all this… weird shit.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Steve said solemnly. He put his hand on Jonathan’s forearm. “I wish we were all safely doing something exciting. It felt nice to be needed, even if no one knew it was us.”

Jonathan put the spoon down on the counter and pivoted to be looking only at Steve. There was something resting just on the tip of his tongue, just under the surface of their conversation. It would’ve been a digression-- Steve could tell by Jonathan’s tense and furrowed brow-- but he would’ve listened.

“Jonathan?” Steve squeezed his arm, lifting his eyebrows. “What is it?”

“I--” He clenched his jaw, trying to swallow his words. “I think--” Steve knew there was no end to Jonathan’s sentence; merely starting it meant there was trust between them. A careful admission through omission. Steve knew Jonathan was looking at his shoes and wouldn’t be seen as he took in the secret flinches of Jonathan’s face. The crinkle by his left eye, the twitch of his mouth, double blinking--

They both jumped apart as the phone started ringing, practically shaking on the wall. Jonathan stepped away from Steve and left everything unsaid. Again.

Jonathan tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder as he turned to lean against the wall.

“Hello? This is--” His face changed sharply, his eyebrows furrowing. “I told you to stop bothering us. You’re lucky she’s not here to pick up the phone-- I don’t  care !” Jonathan cleared his throat and looked at Steve in a flash of uncertainty and anxiety. “I have the police here right now and if you don’t stop calling me I will send them to your house-- it’s not a threat if you’re the one bothering us. Stop. Calling.” He slammed the phone down and braced his weight against the wall with his other hand.

“Am I considered ‘the police’ now?” Steve said lightly. It was his way of letting Jonathan know he was listening, but not asking direct questions. “I’m not even allowed to have a badge.”

“It counts.” Jonathan said, letting his arms fall down by his sides. Steve stepped over and kept stirring dinner.

“Who was that?”

“No one. Can you go get the boys in the other room? Dinner’s ready.” Jonathan pushed Steve aside to hunch over the stove again.

“Sure.” Steve nodded, knowing he wasn’t seen. “Hey! You monsters hungry? Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”

Dinner felt weird.

Will couldn’t help but feel like he and Mike had gotten into a fight. Talking about his dad made anything feel sticky, feel like it was violent or volatile. A second from snapping or tearing off, bouncing around the walls and echoing in Will's body. A small conversation between friends-- actually a little  understanding  between  best  friends-- felt like it had been a screaming match, all because it was cut off. There was no apology from Will. He didn't have the chance to tie it all up with an  I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, forget I said anything.

His plea sat heavy on his tongue as he talked to Steve-- who had arrived without notice-- and let Mike make him laugh so hard he nearly shot water out his nose. Will let it all happen under the tremor, the ache, of an apology. And maybe, if he was the best brother and friend he should’ve been, no problems or therapy, it would be enough of an apology.

He wasn't hungry and only ate half his serving of pasta, even though it was usually his favorite of Jonathan's recipes. He did apologize for that though, and it felt right to say aloud. Even if it was misdirected and no one heard it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so so sorry. Please come back--

Mike wasn’t tired, Will knew, but he still wanted to go to bed right after their horror movie ended. It was clear Mike hadn't been paying attention to the movie; the entire plot was that dreams were a new horror-scape for monsters to get teenagers. It wasn't too scary to Will; it just felt familiar. The villain looked different, more human, but Will knew what it felt like to dream while wide awake. To watch and be unable to do anything but scratch at the surface--

Convincing Will to get ready for bed, Mike said they’d have all day in the morning. He said that maybe he could convince his mom to let him stay over again if they don’t get all their fun in. Will knew Mike's mom probably would, if only because she felt bad for Will. But he would take the pity. A sleepover wasn't the worst thing to get from pity.

Will could still hear Mike fidgeting in his sleeping bag. He was rubbing his feet together like a cricket and twisting his wristwatch. The plastic scratched the sheer material of his sleeping bag rhythmically: back and forth. back and forth. backandforthbackandforth. It was like Mike was counting the ticks of his silent digital watch. Will began to play with his own watch, keeping it on in bed only because he'd noticed Mike hadn't removed it when they were brushing their teeth that night; apparently the watch was too good to part with.

Time though, was something Will wished he could separate himself from. He could hear the seconds scraping by now. Every moment he kept his friend awake and bored because Will was too weak or (rather and) too  everything  to stay up late again.

Therapy hadn’t even been that bad. Not really. Maybe it could be exhausting but it didn’t count because Will sat in the same spot for an hour. It wasn’t real work. It shouldn’t have counted. Will should’ve been able to hang out with his friend until sunrise, getting in trouble with his mom for being up so late. He should’ve still been a stupid, carefree kid, not a by-gone troubled teenager.

Maybe his dad had seen that from the beginning. Will's dad was always gambling, betting on baseball games he had these incredible "feelings" on. Sometimes he was wrong, but when he was right it was an amazing prediction; having the foresight no one else had. And maybe that was what it was, leaving them when he did. Maybe he saw Will wouldn’t be the second son he wanted after all. Maybe he knew of all the damage that would be done to him, the damage he would cause. Probably saw it from miles-- years-- away. And he left without a single warning to any of it.

What if his father had known? Could've known where he was when he came back into town two years ago? Not gone forever just in the lights. Just out of reach, just through the wall, Dad. What if he had known, been able to see, able to know, but wanted to leave Will Down there being possessed and enveloped and consumed and--

Will felt a chill scurry down his back. The feeling almost had legs. Too many. He felt ice cold, his body going blank-- not numb, but  blank -- for a second. He couldn’t feel his fingers, but could still feel every inch of his body, suddenly pulsing and seizing.

"Will?" Mike asked, sitting up. He gripped the end of the bed and pulled his face closer to Will's. He squinted in the darkness, feeling for Will’s hand. Will couldn’t answer, his jaw tense and breath rattling out of him. "Will, what’s wrong?"

After a (thankfully) non-awkward dinner, Steve and Jonathan washed all the dishes and let the boys watch whatever movie they wanted. Steve didn’t pay attention to what tape he put in the VRC. He was too busy thinking about the hands hidden in the warm soapy water in the kitchen sink. Neither Mike nor Will seemed too bothered by the  disgusting  amount of blood or the scary blade man on the TV. He felt no regret letting them go to bed right after the credits rolled. Jonathan had looked exhausted after putting the last dish away, and dozed off during the climax of the movie-- even slept through the high-pitched screaming.

They waited for the sound of Will’s door closing over before they got into bed.

Jonathan flopped onto his back, a pillow resting between his chest and crossed arms. Steve laid on his side, bracing his weight on his elbow. He poked at Jonathan's furrowed eyebrow lightly.

"What's the problem, Byers?"

"Nothing."

"You are not a really great liar, you do know that right?" That and Steve could still hear Robin's blasé recounting of Jonathan's distress.  Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.

Jonathan sighed and turned to look at Steve. He hated being called out. "It's about Will."

"What's wrong with Will? He seemed alright at dinner."

"Yeah, but," Another sigh. "Steve, I think my brother’s gay."

Steve's first response was swallowed and he nodded. "Okay. Okay. And, um, what's the issue with that?" He adjusted himself on the bed, hoping there was more subtlety in that.

"I can't talk to him about it. I mean," Jonathan smiled and reached to touch his face. "This is a very different thing than being fourteen and confused."

"Who says he's confused?"

"I don't mean with himself-- the rest of the world is so confusing, Steve. You see the news... I can't talk to him. I didn't grow up like that. And being with you is... Different. We dated girls before. Will... I don't know. I think he knows already."

"You think he's got feelings for--"

"Oh absolutely." Jonathan nodded, closing his eyes. "Oh, I'm so glad it's not just me who sees it."

"Hopefully Wheeler does too."

"Hey, keep your voice down, he's only a few rooms over ."

"Sorry. Sorry. Me and my big mouth " Steve rested his head on Jonathan's shoulder. "Shut me up, maybe."

"Not until my mom gets back." Jonathan said, rolling up onto his side too. "If I catch her when she comes in the door, she won't come into my room to say good night. I can't have you distracting me until then."

"Your mom is on a date. She's an adult and so are you." Steve kissed Jonathan's shoulder. "You are a working man who just finished a long day at work-- I think you can cuddle up with your boyf--" Steve choked on his own stupidity, feeling his face go red and charisma die on impact. "With me."

"I will. Once my mom is back." Jonathan kissed Steve, as if a parting promise. Only to backtrack on his words immediately. He tucked Steve’s hair back behind his ear, his hands trying not to hold his face. “No--  no . Steve, not until my mom gets back.”

“I can keep an ear out--” As Steve spoke, the power in his bedside lamp dimmed. The power hummed quietly before flickering back up. Jonathan tensed and pushed himself up in bed.

“Did you see that?”

“Yeah, it was just the light, Byers. It’s windy out tonight, maybe a tree brushed a powerline.” Steve pushed Jonathan back down to his pillow-- and back into his own skin again. “It’s  nothing  . What if I turn out the light? Your mom won’t even  see  us in here.”

“No. No, I have to wait for her.”

“What if she doesn’t come back?”

“What!” Jonathan jerked upright again.

“I  meant  what if she’s at Hopper’s or something?” Steve shrugged. “She’s an adult.”

“Steve, that’s my  mom .” Jonathan hissed, swatting at the hand resting on his shoulder.

“I  meant  because she drove there on her own. If she had some wine, maybe she stayed somewhere and is being a smart, responsible parent.” Steve soothed. “Something you don’t have to be right now. You’re not Will’s parent and you aren’t your own. Lay down, will you?”

Jonathan was reluctant, but let Steve ease him back down again. He pulled the pillow tighter to his chest and sighed, his crossed arms sinking deeper. Steve laid down beside him, nose gently touching the end of his shoulder. As he breathed, his short exhales tickled Jonathan’s skin and got him giggling. It was Steve’s secret trick; something that always worked because Jonathan didn’t know it was a pattern-- didn’t know he was ticklish.

“Sorry I was weird today.” Jonathan said suddenly. He wasn’t even grinning.

“What?” They didn’t apologize. There was no need. “You’re worried about stuff-- it’s okay.”

“No, I like our dinners. And I was so uptight. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Okay.” Steve didn’t know what to do with the sentiment. “Apology accepted?”

Jonathan sighed again, blowing it out slowly between his pressed lips. “Lonnie called today.”

“L- your  dad ? Is that who was on the phone?” Steve wasn’t sure what came over him-- or his body-- as he placed an arm over Jonathan’s waist and pulled them together. There was something unspokenly intimate talking about abusive fathers while being nearly sutured together in bed, but Steve pretended he was just having problems hearing Jonathan correctly.

“Yeah.” Jonathan turned, his nose brushing Steve’s. “Said he wants custody of Will. He doesn’t trust Mom, he said.”

“How is he-- He can’t do that.”

“He’s going to try. I don't know where it came from. He still thinks he can win a case because the news says Will just  disappeared into the woods . Like he ran away from us or something.”

“Everyone knows that’s not true.”

“A court might not.” Jonathan sighed, ducking his head down. Steve resisted lifting his chin to hook it over Jonathan’s head, nestling him into his neck. He laid still, listening to his breathing and the gentle creaking of the house--

Jonathan's door was thrown open, both men sitting up quickly, ready to defend themselves and their actions. It was Mike, in his pajamas with his hair sticking out in wild curls. Will stood just behind him in the hallway looking far more awake. Stilted and untousled.

"Mike?"

"Jonathan, quick!"

"What is it?" Jonathan swung his legs around and motioned both boys to come in. "Will?" Mike pushed him into the center of the door frame, although he remained in the hallway, in the light. Will’s hand grabbed at the back of his neck. His face was blank and his eyes were distant.

"Something's wrong." Will said slowly, blinking to focus. "I feel him."

"Feel who?" Jonathan kneeled in front of Will, holding his shoulders. "Feel who, Will?"

"Dad."

#stonathan #jonathan byers x steve harrington #byeler #will byers x mike wheeler #byler #finally reposting in a way that isn't a random post with a link alksdja #prompts #my fics

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x10 Review

The Transformation was a slow but sweet ep. Let’s dig in!

Seblos was lovely tonight. In A Heartbeat was a great song and really suited Frankie’s voice. Very refreshing to see two gay guys discuss their relationship issues openly with their friends. It was a pleasant surprise to see Seb admit that he worries that Carlos is only with him because he’s the only other out gay guy at East High; it’s a deeper moment than this show is usually capable of depicting. And of course, we got another historic first with the first time a boy has sung a love song to another boy on Disney (Big Shot claimed the first same-sex love song when it had Mouse sing to Harper). 

It was also important that they had Ricky tell Carlos that he and Seb had something worth fighting for and that he helped Carlos write the song and provided guitar and back-up vocals. Having Ricky, the male lead of the series, get so involved both helps raise the importance of the story line within the episode itself and send a clear message to the audience that the story line is important and worthy of attention. For all it’s flaws the openness with which HSMTMTS has depicted the Seblos story line has been a real victory for lgbtq rep on Disney. 

There was some really lame Disney censorship tonight. The word gay clearly wasn’t allowed to be said tonight which is ridiculous since the word has already been used in the show. Not to mention the absurdity of allowing two boys to discuss their romantic relationship and then have one of them sing a love song to the other while drawing the line at someone using the word gay. It’s just completely bizarre reasoning on Disney’s part, homophobic audience members would have stopped watching HSMTMTS a hell of a long time ago; and it’s not like any homophobes would sit through a boy singing a love song to another boy but then quit watching if they hear the word gay said aloud. We also didn’t get a kiss at the end which almost certainly would have happened if this had been a straight couple love song. Though it wouldn’t surprise me if a same-sex kiss is a once a season only kind of thing given Disney restrictions. 

Portwell also had a great ep. The risotto call back was an excellent way for EJ to ask Gina out for real this time. Loved seeing EJ mirroring Gina’s, ‘’not that I know of’’, line from last ep as it shows how similar their personalities are. Nice to see the gang gossiping about them, noticing their moments, and encouraging them to get together just like real friends would do in that situation. I also appreciate that the gang’s reactions  quickly shut down the commonly heard objections to romantic Portwell: that EJ and Gina are somehow blood relatives by proxy because Ashlyn considers Gina a sister, that Gina lives with Ashlyn, that EJ is graduating. All of them swiftly knocked down and Ashlyn who knows Gina and EJ best gives them her blessing. The real reason Gina and EJ were hesitant to put themselves out there again is because they are still traumatized from being rebounds for the Rini love story. But now both have gathered the courage to take their second chance at a relationship.

Ricky was great tonight. He handled that weird Lily call pretty well. And EJ saying that letting Nini go was the best thing he did for really hit Ricky so he correctly decided not to song Let You Go to Nini. He really came through with Carlos, loved their little friendship and the bro moments which again are so important to see because Ricky is the male lead of the series. That Carlos/Ricky hug was touching, you could tell Ricky really needed that hug. We won’t get bi Ricky obviously but little moments like him calling EJ pretty boy are fun. 

Lmao at Kourtney’s love language being gifts, music, flattery, and begging. Also lol at Howie being so willing to sell out North High. We know from the 2x12 photos that Kowie will be fine in the long run.

Ricky and Ashlyn don’t seem to have any chemistry. At least we now know how Ricky sprained his wrist but what happens to Ashlyn?

Nini is clearly not entirely over Ricky. It would be funny if Gina speaking her truth ends up being clearing the air with Nini

Natalie is back! She really dipped after the New Year’s party

Jenzzara therapy session was too funny. They’re so different but really do have a lot in common deep down.

Clearly money was starting to get tight and this ep was designed as a money-saver.

Looking Ahead:

EJ’s Gaston make up looks terrible! He looks more like Gaston without it

So is next week gonna basically count as the Menkies? Wonder who the judge is. Realistically East High shouldn’t win but we’ll see if they pull a win out because they’re the protagonists. 

There’s a good chance that the song Second Chances in the finale is sung by the core four. Second Chances fits perfectly with Portwell but less so for Rini. Especially since it’s very hard to see Rini getting back together so soon, maybe they just have a nice conversation that clears the air between them. 

Gina and Ricky certainly need to talk sometime in the remaining two eps but it’s very difficult to see any realistic way for them to get together this season especially with a Portwell kiss having been teased. Also it’s clear that Lily is the party crasher in the finale so they’re planning something between her and Ricky (maybe we see Lily try to earn a second chance at East High?)

Wonder if Something There will end up being used for Jenzzara.

Until next week Wildcats

#HSMTMTS #Seblos #Portwell #Carlos Rodriguez #seb matthew-smith #Gina Porter #EJ Caswell #Ricky Bowen #Nini Salazar-Roberts #HSMTMTS Reviews

[clandestine-j]

Gossip Girl, EP. 4 Reaction & Review

Finally, I've gathered all of my thoughts for ep. 4! I had this really cool extra post to the intro and had more thoughts but then I lost the entire thing so I had to re-write the entire post SO, yeah, this is all I have for this part. Also, if anyone has those bts photos please let me know, i’m looking for the ones that have the audience reacting to max’s dick pick from the fashion show, aki biting his lip. please send. 

ADULTS:

Kate & CO: JAIL JAIL JAIL. We had that one teacher being turned on by incest and ruining kids lives. DO BETTER IN JAIL. I'll say tho, the male teacher makes a better gossip girl, he doesn't feel bad and is enjoying it. Kate could never.

Rafa: JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. JAIL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU. I hate that they showed us this man having common sense. This man, pushing Max away sexually but understanding that he needs serious help. I hate that they just didn't have them flirting and show us him saying no, I'm so upset. I'm even more upset that I fell for him being the character to subvert the trope. I can only blame myself but blame HBO as well. I also hate the comments saying it's okay or well, the show needs scandal and spice. They could've been photographed together in normal clothes, just standing next to each other. Max could lie to GG. There are a bunch of ways these could become an IC scandal without having them cross the line. If you support this, you need help.

OUR KIDS:

Max: My boy needs therapy, lots of it. Maybe rehab. On one hand, he's being taken advantage of because he's clearly going through something and more than just his dads and he has been for a while. His escapism is dangerous and anyone would be able to prey on that. On the other hand, I need someone to beat his ass. His lines to Rafa about money and career were punch worthy and out-right willing to lie about Rafa doing something to him, even just to press Rafa's buttons. He needs help, he needs to be taught boundaries, he needs a lot. And why were the only two people concerned for his week-long disappearance Aki and Audrey, the whole squad should've had the guns out, friends since childhood, sure.

Obie: My boy, I get that you didn't like where you saw Zoya headed. I get that in some aspects you were right about her being a little too involved and suspecting Julien. That being said, she was having real problems and troubles and needed support. Do better. Obie still isn't the worst character on the show and many of them are SOOOO much worse. He doesn't deserve the all of the smoke he's been getting when their are better people for it.

Monet & Luna: I hate them as people and love them as characters that move the plot. I guess I could see how they thought the fuck school thing was horrible (and Julien too since she planned on showing Obie). The directors cut, I don't think they thought it'd ruin Zoya, they're just fucking cruel and found it funny. Let's box. Also, why are ya'll so pressed over this CHILD. Like get over it, find a real up-coming social media star. 

Aki & Audrey: My good sis, you brought a gay man to make Aki jealous. I'm sick, it was fucking funny. Her comments at first were off the wall, I wish the writers would've done something else but a lot of woman don't see it as normal so I sort of get it. I'm glad she came around by the end. And Aki...he was a little spicy this episode, my boy was ready to pop off a bit AND I AM HERE FOR IT. My dude said, 'I don't regret kissing him' I was THROWN. Aki being with Audrey helps me like her more because she's a bitch that's still ready to gun for a now 15 year old girl but her and Aki's relationship is cute. They could break up and be fine which is great, I love that their relationship is really more than just dating and the friendship is strong. I'm here for it.

Zoya: It's just bad writing but my head canon is trauma. Trauma from her moms death death, trauma from the past and current bullying that caused her lash out. I felt like this was her breaking point (so far) and anything gossip girl related as always came around to Julien. If she trusted Julien more, she wouldn't have thought of her as the person causing her issue's but she doesn't trust her. They were civil but even at the end of ep 2. Her 'hell yeah' to Julien about bonding was too dry, too dry. I think a big part of her just doesn't trust Julien and she'll always think the worse because she's seen mostly the worse. And that video, horrible, I'd hate everything about my birthday too after that and even before. Her emotions during the scene and the talk with Julien, ouch. And while I'm happy that Zoya found herself in the end, YES GIRL POP OFF. THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. THIS IS THE FLAVOR. I WAS WAITING FOR THIS AND I WANT MORE. I DEMAND MORE. I SEE A SPARK OF A BITCH, LET HER OUT GO, GO ALISON DELAOTRUINES ON THESE BITCHES.

Julien: Once again, I love Julien as a character, I know she's supposed to be struggling and for that, It's fun to watch her BUT. Julien could never be on my team, she's too wishy-washy. That is my issue, she's too, just...flip-floppy with no substance. Like, when she does things wrong, they're expected  to be forgiven / are forgiven without true reflection or anything on her part. She fucks up, she see's its wrong and then she says sorry and goes on it does it again. This episode was just the worst example, like, the moment she heard buffalo, she was ready to send in a tip. Instead of just doing the party normally and being best because she's hear, she sends the video to Monet. She believes Luna and Monet (Monet talking about her throne being taken when Zoya isn't even an influencer) and she eats it up. They were the ones who did the dick pick thing, like girl, THINK. And why does she never get the full plan, why would she not watch the video or why is she so shocked that Luna and Monet would play something like that? She knows them. Friends since childhood? Sure. Using your moms name to make the party about charity? SIS, THE FEUD IS NOT WORTH IT. She says she wants to be sisters but then she switches up so fast and the witches up again, it's whip-last and I'm sick. I hate that she's doing this to her and I hate even more that's is the writers fault. I don't mind a character having personal conflict but make it a conflict. Like after four episodes, why is she still friends with her sisters bullies? At the end of the episode, she says she's gonna tell them to lay down their weapons, NO, shut it down. correct them. make it clear and make it known. I love my girl because she's flawed but I wish they'd linger on things and have her really think about it. I was fine with the i'm sorry speech up until the camera part.

Other random thoughts

fuck the rafa max thing again, i'm not over, i will never be over it

evan mock isn't the best but he does give me face at times, his 'wtf stare', little sly looks, the 'wtf' moment when audrey first asked him if he was gay like 'this bitch' also, give him more annoyed, irritated scenes, he gives in those

have julien go full nice or full evil for a while, pick a side and stick with it for more than one episode

i wish zoya was a bitch at her old school but i'm fine with this too, it explains why she was so reactionary when it came to the bullying at constance, not again!

i wish we could've seen julien talk with davis after that stunt

nick and davis, KISS, the ride scene was 100%

don't talk about obie so soon

i like that she chose to be with julien for the night, it was cute

emily makes these faces that i can't get with

eli brown is a good actor, that shot of him during the traumatic reveal

i will say, zobie might be boring but when they talk, they talk, their communication is p good, i don't hate it

i’d be here for obie x aki bc they’re friends, they got chemistry, aki was giving look lil up and downs this episode, aki was giving a lot of looks this ep, honestly, idk i just don’t want him heart broken 

aki menzies is still my comfort character

i couldn't take rafa serious with his ass out,

whitney's acting in that talk scene, perfect, my girl had me in tears because DAMN

jordan is pretty good but in that scene, go girl, give me nothing

fuck max and rafa

max lied about his dads or at least one, AT LEAST one, i don't think they'd do that, he saw his in and took it

aki and aud, just have that open relationship, ya'll will make it, the way he tucked into her, it was so sweet

davi and nick secret relationship plot

jail for all of the teachers, once again

the hallway scene was great, the cinematography is been clutch overall

music wasn't as jarring

that's about it! i have more thoughts on the show overall that might be another post, they have a lot of amazing ideas but they need to stick with one and flush it out is the overall gist, i'm still into it!

can't wait for five bc i love the angst that's about to hit.

#c;gg #gossip girl reboot #gossip girl hbo

[buffywatching]

the hardest thing to do in this world is live in it.

and that’s about a wrap on s5.

good lord! and as i’ve said many times good GOD! it was a season alright!!!!!!!

wanna start this one off by saying whoa did i go through it quick (for me). season 4 took me more than a MONTH to get through (i’m blaming riley) and season 5 went by in like.. 2 weeks?

glory is very strange. there’s a lot that happened in this season but in no way did i think she’d get wrapped up that fast. she was kind of the mary sue of the big bads - op, immortal, unkillable, all that stuff.. she wasn’t boring, but her act got old after a while. ben was nothing.

when i first started documenting my thoughts and opinions on this show back in s2 i never knew i would end up not knowing how to classify the good and the bad. back then it was ‘oh good, willows got new hair!’ not ‘oh god, buffy’s gone into catatonia from years of trauma because she thinks she’s killed her sister, a god is amidst them with no way to die and she has to save the world from apocalypse yet again’. back then all the trauma was new and exciting, and good for people that were merely watching the scoobies go through it, but now? some part of me needs to pay for everyone’s therapy for multiple years. more so than before, somehow.

so.. some Things (ambiguously good or bad) happened:

- spuffy.. but not. a little window of realisation, but nothing actual. i hope to see something happen in s6

- but that also means buffy’s gone without dating for a WHOLE SEASON!!!!

- dawn is buffy’s sister.. well, she was a key, but now that’s over. so? what is she now??

- glory.. ben… their terrible minions. and so on. still waiting for a big bad to amount to what s2 did

- xander… anya!!!! WEDDING!!!! hopefully!!

- spike and dawns little friendship means everything

- ANGEL VISITED!!!!

- joyce died and gave us an episode so good i called it a short film

- riley LEAVES!!!! FOREVER!!!! (hopefully)

- we get a ton of fanged four backstory.. WILLIAM!!

and just when you think she could use a break…..

- buffy dies. again, but it seems more real this time. of course, since i’m not in 2001 watching on my television i’m not scared the show is suddenly over because we’ve got 44 more episodes to go through.

i try not to think of what i’ll do to fill the buffy void after those 44 episodes are over with but in due time we’ll see!!

fav eps in order: fool for love, into the woods (yes. because he’s gone.), blood ties, crush, the body, spiral (probably more i’m not thinking too hard on)

however these episodes alone were so incredibly good!!!! the whole season could’ve sucked and those would’ve been worth it.

the glory fight was good! the buildup to everything was weird and the whole ‘dawn can’t find out she’s a key’ thing only lasted what.. a few weeks..? time moves very weirdly in the buffyverse. can you believe buffy’s 20 now……

did i miss anything?? dunno.. i just know i have 7 episodes of ats to catch up on. that place is a mess.

on to buffy revival!!!!! also thinking about how giles has definitely killed people before :)

#and man am i TIRED!!!! #season finales #giles very unnecessary reviews

[mantra4ia]

Desires: Lucifer season 5 on Netflix

Created: August 21, 2020. Last Modified: August 22, 2020.

Preface: Alright my Lucis, here’s the sitch: it’s been a minute. Life got a bit chaotic I wasn’t able to start season five quite on time when it premiered on August 21st because I haven’t finished the great 2020 Lucifer rewatch. I’m nearly done however and should be able to jump into it either later today or tomorrow, which is why beforehand I want to — as I’ve traditionally done for a few seasons — create a desires list and keep a tally throughout the season to see how many are met. I am going to try to pace myself, not binge, and watch a single episode a day so don’t spoil me. Likewise I will tag my spoilers. Here we go... #21DaysofLucifer

Season 3 and 4 Roundout - Desires Fulfilled / Questions Answered

✔We’ve seen other demons “like Maze” and a bit of what havoc they can reek. Well sort of. To be quite frank, although it was cool to see them possess the recently deceased, it wasn’t as impending doom as I was expecting. They didn’t seem nearly as disciplined or intimidating as Mazikeen, even Dromos, more bored and desperate.

✔ We’ve seen a little more or the heavenly host in Remiel. Remi was cool, if a bit intense. Her character, and her affinity to Amenadiel was a nice foil to see how far his character has come in evolution. But again like Uriel was for Lucifer, she kind of became a driving force character device to push Amenadiel’s growth. So I wonder if we’ll get to see more of her or not.

✔ (s3) The backstory of Lucifer’s arrival in LA, finding LUX, and making a deal with Amenadiel.

✔ (s3) Cain finally went to hell, YES! Not that I didn’t like Marcus Pierce/Tom Welling, there were some great interactions there, but I just think he was a wishy-washy antagonist based on how he was written and I can’t wait to trade up for Michael.

✔ Maze finally had some happiness and attachment to this silly mortal coil and it slipped away! Why Eve why? I love Maze’s bonding with humans, Linda, Trixie, Chloe. But I love that after a Millennia of serving, and then watching Amenadiel and Linda be happy in a family unit, that she might actually make her own and my hopes were dashed. 

Things we got that we didn’t even know we wanted. SO GOOD:

Season 4 ep 8: Amenadiel bonding with Caleb and confronting community violence, police brutality, and systemic racism. It was a rough episode to be sure, but absolutely needed,

Chloe talking Lucifer down and out of a self-hatred spiral and his transformation into full-fledged devil and back again.

Lucifer playing Creep on repeat while missing the detective (even after insisting in a therapy session that “he’s not a teenager playing Adele on repeat) and Mr. Said Out B**** trying to rob Lucifer and gun point and ultimately get rich. What a fun twist.

The Dan and Maze Los X’s fight. They are wicked good at laying down the  hurt on the criminal element and I was wondering when they’d pair up again after dispatching Warden Perry.

The devil in a bar fight! I mean, it’s only fair since the ladies had their brawl. I love how this fight sequence was filmed in bursts of slo-mo from various angles, involved everything from fists, to tasers, knives, bottles, and the infamous pool cue, and they picked the perfect song for pacing (Jake Bugg, Lightning Bolt, could listen to it all day on repeat.)

Time for all good demons to go home / Enough, you will bow down to your king. Go home! (aka appropriate use of Devilish intimidation face)

Amenadiel vs Remi 

A Rocky montage with Lucifer and Amenadiel / Amenadiel’s face the first time Lucifer drives the Corvette

Lucifer at the roller derby

Chloe the YA fangirl

Maze teaching Trixie about knives, with each handle decorated in a different toy.

Amenadiel and Chloe catching up: your father is so proud of you. Like and angel BOSS!

SEASON HIGHLIGHTS:

★ (s3) Amenadiel taking Charlotte home

★ Dan being comforted in his grief by Amenadiel

★ Amenadiel’s wrath and the brotherly duo tag team to lay the hurt on the drug dealer that got Charlie killed. It’s been a while since we’ve seen warrior angel ready to dispatch anyone in his way. And it was glorious!

★ (s3) Lucifer’s almost driving lesson with Trixie “Morningstar”

★ (s3) Maze torturing Lucifer by making him think he’s the Angel of San Bernadino

★ (s3) Amenadiel and Lina helping to dispose of Lucifer’s wings

★  Lucifer kicking Julian, Tiernan’s son, through a glass pane window

★ The goodbye kiss between Lucifer and Chloe

 DIDN’T LIKE:

☒ (s3) Cain playing guitar and singing. What is he, a crime lord, a top cop, or an act that the improv club wouldn’t take? 

☒ Eve. I liked Eve, but we mostly got to see one side of her around Lucifer, and a kind of floundering an confused side when she was with Maze. The side that I would have liked to see more of was the maternal side that came out when she briefly talked about Abel or was interrogated by Trixie. That made her more layered.

☒ Father Kinley. That dude is just meh.

☒ Dan’s broken heart and rebounding with Ella. Don’t get me wrong, its a good arc, but I don’t see it lasting

☒ (s3) Abel and Reese. Those were two side stories I could have done without, although they had great moments of humor. I quite enjoyed Reese’s character, and although I didn’t like Abel Lucifer’s stick-figure comic illustration of Cain fighting with him over a rock was quite enjoyable.

WHAT I TRULY DESIRE: SINFUL SEASON 5, my BURNING QUESTIONS, and SPECULATIONS

Obviously, don’t spoil anything for me, but if any of my desires end up coming true in any of the first eight episodes maybe drop me a hint in the comments...

A big time jump. We need to see the lasting impact of Lucifer’s absence. I know that time in hell works differently per that episode where Lucifer saved Chloe and almost got stuck in a loop, but we still need enough time to elapse that the impact is felt on the mortal side. Or, we need to see the passage of time through a series of events without Lucifer, like a montage of character development. At least a year or so, if for no other reason then Trixie is growing up and I actually want to see her take driving lessons with Lucifer.

Last season Maze gave baby Charlie a gift, something she’d wished she’d had growing up, and previously had alluded to the language of demons, her many siblings, and teased her mother, the mother of all demons. Will we finally get to meet Maze’s mom Lilith (or however they address her)? And, in spite of Mazikeen’s found family, she still has restlessness and abandonment issues. Will her mom finally finally bring her peace, or will clashing with her resolidify Maze’s purpose on earth?

A Decker/Mazikeen team-up or girls night out 2.0 would always be appreciated. At this point its probably 4.0 if you count the bar fight and the bachelorette party.

Will we see tougher, scarier demons, or are they just warmup to the really scary depths of hell?

Speaking of hell, more hell. Tons of hell. I want to know the minutia of all the mechanics. If Lucifer’s gotta be down there in self-imposed exile, he may as well show us around. Pour us a drink.

Will Lucifer see Cain in Hell? Not that I’m dying to see more of “sad Cain” but it would be interesting to see a more dark or desperate or cunning side to him at least now that he’s actually neck deep in torment. Or, alternatively, I’m hedging my bets that he could be a good candidate to light the fire under Lucifer’s *** to get of hell back to the earthly realm. Even in hell, I’m betting Cain would have a soft spot for Chloe, and if news reached Lucifer that Michael were trying to abscond with his life and with Chloe, it would give Cain and Lucifer one last bit of “A-Hole brothers” common ground to bond over. Like “Brothers, am I right? Go kick, get Chloe back, I’ll still have enough guilt to torture me with in a few thousand years when you get back,”   

Will Lucifer fall into peril in hell of once again potentially getting distracted and stuck in a hell loop? Will his servants be satisfied with his return? Will Amenadiel bust him out.

Mr. Said Out Bitch needs a role reprise. He’s been in every season opener 2-4, we’ve gotten to know his undergarments very well.  Its high time we get to know his name and story. He’s put in the work!  

Amenadiel should be running LUX in Lucifer's absence. We got a tease of that in previous seasons (remember when he asked what would Lucifer do?) its time for that to come to fruition. Plus, any excuse to put DB Woodside in a suit, just because he wears them so well. It would also be interesting if, after that tragedy he’s experienced, Amenadiel will start taking after Luci. Maybe not the punishing, not yet, but wanting to seek out evil and corruption. It has been teased since s1 “fall as I did.” Perhaps he’ll start developing a taste for his bother’s line of work whereas he found it repugnant in the early days

Dan and Maze or Dan and Ella pair up. Both Dan and Maze are due for some happiness.

An Azrael reboot, when need more of her. She’s the angel of Death for pity’s sake. I don’t know if the original actress is still available or if they would have to recast, or if the character concept by Netflix would even be the same, but I need Azrael to be capable of sweet and unassuming and on a coin flip downright menacing.

More of Lucifer as a godparent, bless! And maybe a cool montage of “cousin” Trixie and Lucifer co-babysitting Charlie please.

Whilst on the subject of Lucifer and parenting, and without putting Trixie too much into harm’s way, I need to see what “I would do anything to protect that little urchin” looks like. Trixstar ride or die.

Father Frank, come back! I need a cameo or recurrent role pleeeeease.

Trixie in every episode. This is non-negotiable, much like chocolate cake. Beatrice is an all-star. In fact, I’ve decided that when Dad/God finally does show up, Trixie needs to be the one to get to know him / introduce him first. She’s been captain on the celestial cheer squad for four seasons, she’s earned this.

Who's going to see through Michael's facade first? I mean, I know that trailer shows Maze torturing it out of him, but as far as intuition goes, I've got a 50/50 split between Trixie and Linda, with an honorable mention to Dan.

If Michael is Lucifer's twin, does he have the same angelic compulsion skill set? Or something different? And will it work on Chloe or is she universally immune?

A “be like Mike” pop-culture reference. ******Spoilers: ******* all the trailers have revealed Michael already, so they owe us this for letting the steam out.

As far as pop-culture, how many movie and TV references will we get from Lucifer and ensemble this year? I expect A-game, from sci-fi to 80s action, on par with the previous likes of Parent Trap, Star Wars, Home Alone, Kim Possible, and Rocky.

Will Amenadiel’s necklace make a reappearance, even after he put it around Caleb’s neck in the morgue? Heavenly artifacts have a way of causing trouble in this show.

Will what finally learn what, if any, significance there is to Lucifer’s ring? Again, as all my fictional writings will attest, I really kind of want it to be a stolen little trinket from him Dad.

Plot twist: will we get to see Hell and the silver city all in one season, or is that too devilishly good to ask? It would be intriguing if Lucifer fell from Heaven for rebelling and now some threat like, for example, the mother of demons would pose a threat to the gates such that Lucifer was called upon to defend them. Not expecting anything Endgame level with a host of Angels popping up like sorcerers...but it is food for the imagination.

Plot twist: will Michael, duplicitous twin that he is, be revealed as the reason that Lucifer does not lie and can’t stand liars? Will be get a Michael back story? Is he perhaps the true rebellious son? see: my original fan conjecture here.

Additional links to previous recaps, roundouts and wishlists: 

Season 1: Best Moments // Season 2: Predictions, Desires, Roundout, Best Moments // Season 3: Speculations, Quick-shot summary 

#21 days of Lucifer #Lucifer season 5 #lucifer on netflix #Lucifer s5 desire #Lucifer Morningstar #trixie espinoza #Chloe Decker #amenadiel #trixtstar #deckerstar #lucifer s5

[the-third-bard]

Story summary of "the voice of reason"

Aka the titty girl story

This one had way more parts than any other so this post will be pretty long

Part one

Part one is the one page at the very beginning of the book where the girl sneaks into Geratl's room when he's "sleeping" and rubs her titties all over his face. "The voice of reason" takes place before the striga so there really wasn't any point in having this be the Very First Page except to hook horny straight men.

Part two

Part two starts with Geralt waking up in the temple of Melitele after having implied off-screen sex w titty-girl (Iola, who's a apparently a water nymph and talented with magic and is psychic? Or smth?)

Nenneke is introduced and scolds Geralt for being reckless in the fight with the striga. They seem to have kind of a mother-son relationship. (Nenneke has apparently known Geralt since he was a child? Which would make her Old As Fuck).

Geralt visits this temple once or twice a year.

Most of this part is about introducing religion and the cult of Melitele. The temple he's in seems to be part-church part-school? Theres a lot of younger girls and even children who learn stuff here and then go on working as midwives, teachers, healers (specifically women's and children's diseases), etc.

Dandelion is mentioned, he doesn't believe in Melitele. Dandelion is explicitly called Geralt's friend.

Nenneke wants Geralt to go into some sort of trance with the help of Iola? I guess this will be explained in later parts.

Part three

I loved this part, the best part of the book so far.

Some White Rose dickheads have visited the temple just to tell Geralt to fuck off. (White Rose is basically nazis mixed with scientologists, and they hate all non-humans) (later they will become the flaming rose, i think, and thats like the white rose lvl 100, with like full on genocide and shit)

Anyway, these tools show up and want Geralt gone and insult him and Nenneke, but ofc Nenneke won't have that and verbally beats the shit out of them. One of the dudes, Tailles, challenges Geralt to a duel for his insults and Geralt mostly laughs it off.

There's not a lot of plot here, the whole chapter reads as if it was an imaginary political argument Andrzej Sapkowski was having in his head where he was winning and he decided to put it in the book. I allow this because any form of dunking on nazis is good.

Part four

This part is LITERALLY Geralt just? Going on a 4 page rant? He literally does not stop talking once during the whole thing. It's a solid wall of just Geralt talking at this poor girl (Iola, the tiddy girl, who can't talk)

He talks about, in order; religion (*), swords, kaer morhen, parents, the trials, his first monster (**). Witchering, the "code" (***), Blaviken (****), and Ciri (*****).

Throughout this whole this Geralt like, answers questions? That I'm pretty sure he makes up to keep talking? He's like "... Vesemir- oh, who's Vesemir, you ask? Well he's my dad obviously-" Cus Iola is mute and she's never described to like, look questioning or even interested in what Geralt is saying. He does this 9 times.

* Iola has taken a vow of silence for Melitele and Geralt respects her decision. He tells her there is power in faith and that his own lack of faith holds NO POWER, which I thought was really neat (especially for a 20 year old Polish book).

** it's the story he told Renfri in ep one! (saving a girl from being raped (also 13 years old :/ ) He also says he did what be did because he wanted the girl and her father to be grateful, and not because it was the right thing to do. He'd been raised to fight monsters and he'd romanticized the idea in his head that he'd be so cool and appreciated, which I think is really interesting. It also shows his growth as a character from then to now, and the fact that he admits to this is also very neat.

*** Geralt totally just made up this "code" and apparently said it so much that everyone fucking thinks all witchers have a code when it literally is just Geralt. I really wanna know what the other witchers think of this.

****

Geralt needs therapy

***** Geralt berates himself for doing the law of surprise, and says he'll never return to Cintra and will just, avoid it forever I guess. (Yennefer and Ciri are apparently born around the same time in may!)

Part five

Geralt is in the library in the temple, he appears to be failing to read a history book.

Dandelion comes in the door and Nenneke absolutely destroys him.

She leaves and Dandelion and Geralt talk.

The world is changing, and witchers' work is becoming hard to find. Geralt is being negative about it and Dandelion tries to cheer him up a bit, distract him from his woes.

He says Geralt should adapt to the new world, change careers. He says that if the demand for poetry and music dwindled he'd become a gardener.

Dandelion gets pretty deep, and it was more than it expected from Sapkowski if I'm honest.

/... /

After this Dandelion changes the subject to make Geralt feel better.

Part six

Geralt and Nanneke is in a grotto that Nenneke uses as like, a greenhouse for magical plants. There are glowing crystals in the ceiling.

(Nenneke talks a bit about how the sun has changed? And the rays are deadly and kills plants and how it's "too late" to save people from it?)

Nenneke talk about how pissed Yennefer is at Geralt for some reason, and Geralt seems to be avoiding her (Yen) at all costs.

For the striga contract money Geralt has bought some precious gems, and gives some to Nenneke for the temple and wants to give Yennerfer the rest. He wants Nenneke to keep them for him until Yennefer comes to the temple looking for him so that she can give them to her? While he's ran away to somewhere else cus he's a little baby.

Nenneke refuses to help him with it because she's way too cool for that and calls Geralt out on being a big baby.

This is where Yennefer's infertility is mentioned, and Geralt says she can use the gems to (partly) pay for "the treatment".

They talk a bit and we find out that some sorceresses have "atrophied" ovaries and that that is because pursuing magic apparently fucks up your endocrine glands? Which would fuck up significantly more than just your ovaries (also this shouldn't be a thing just for female magicians? Why are all the male magicians totally fine?)

(Nenneke is hinted to be fertile as well as Geralt's mother in picture 1)

Nenneke is still trying to get Geralt to do some telepathy therapy stuff with Iola and he's also a big baby about this, even though he's absolutely TRASHED right now and doing the therapy would heal him up so that he can use his signs and fight again.

(it seems like after a near death, witchers lose their witchering skills? Nenneke says Geralt's reflexes aren't what they're supposed to be, his pupils don't dilate properly, his heartbeat is faster than normal aka 'normal human speed' i guess, they can't do signs. Would Geralt be human if he just let it be?)

Part seven

As Geralt and Dandelion leave the temple, they run into a whole bunch of guys. It's the dudes from part 3, expecting a duel. If Geralt refuses to fight, he'll be hanged, but if he injures Tailles, he'll be punished. They want him to give Tallies the fight to raise the dude's street cred. They explicitly want Tailles to "nick" Geralt's skin.

I thought Geralt was gonna like, prick his finger and yield but what actually happened was funnier and more clever. So kudos to Sapko for this.

They start fighting and Tailles sucks, obviously. The boy puts his sword in front of himself defensively and Geralt just, smacks that thing with his own sword so that Tailles' sword cuts him in the face.

This way, Geralt's sword never touched him and he can't be punished. I thought that was real neat.

(Geralt is totally banned from Ellander now but it was worth it)

Geralt and Dandelion leave, and Will Not Tell Nenneke About This.

The part splits and we see what happened as Geralt and Dandelion were leaving the temple.

Geralt and Iola touch hands and this triggers a vision. It's a vision of death and blood and monstrous paws. Iola collapses and has a seizure.

Nanneke saw it too, and begs Geralt to stay in the temple, but because he's Geralt he obviously decides to ignore the whole thing and leaves.

This is how the book ends

#Hooboy this was a long one #I started this story summary before deciding to not do story summaries so i kept going #Anyway thats it for the last wish #Onto book 2 i guess #Story summary #Story summary: the voice of reason #Fish narrates the witcher books #Book: the last wish

[kopikokun]

I just finished the episode where they fight chisaki to save Eri and Heksjeojsbs?? It’s kind of giving me heart burn? And fatgum when he’s not so circular is so attractive like??? What’s happening also toga freaks me out she’s so cool but I’m scared of her her smile omg does she like Deku or hate him but I love twice he just a misunderstood lil man who needs therapy :( anyway I’ll update u after this whole mess but I swear if anyone dies i will cry - anime anon

I finished bnha :( I tried watching saiki k and haikyuu but I got bored so fast oof I want to watch jujutsu kaisen after your recommendation but it’s not on Netflix. So I guess I’m watching New Girl now lmao. Also I’m an isfp :D talking about personality types makes me so excited - anime anon

idk why but the phrase ‘when he’s not so circular’ is cracking me up. but fatgum in his more realistically proportioned mode is truly so attractive!! it shocked me to my core seeing him like that TT ahhh i love toga though!! maybe it’s the eyes and the smile. she is an actual psychopath though but i don’t think she hates deku?? honestly it’s been a while since i saw the anime, the details are fuzzy 😭 and twice’s story was honestly really sad :(( get the man some helppppp!! i forgot if this was canon or fanon (it’s starting to blend together at this point lmaoo) but toga and twice’s dynamic is <3 cute!! maybe this is fanon lmaoo i forgot 😭 but i love brother-sister dynamics. apparently season 5 is gonna have a shit ton of angst... so i am mentally preparing. and what kind of genre of anime do you like? i’d love to give you better recs!! personally i really liked saiki k but i understand why you’d find it boring since there’s literally no plot 😭 the anime was more of a cheer up one for me. and i totally get why you find haikyuu a lil boring!!! i might get flamed for this, but as much as i love the series and its characters, i still haven’t watched like over half of season 4 because i got bored 💀 when i first watched it, i legit binged the entire series probably because it was one of the first animes i watched when i started to get into it again. and yes, sadly jjk isn’t on netflix :( i watch it on a site called 7anime though!! tbh i haven’t watched like three of the latest eps because i’ve been reading the manga (and i’ve taken a break from that for a while too now 😭) so there’s like... no urgency for me to watch it?? i definitely do want to though, because i like watching action scenes animated ahaha maybe i am experiencing anime burnout :( i say that but i binged two entire seasons of mob psycho the other day so... dhajshs is new girl any good?? i’ve always been intimidated because it’s crazy long and i have a bad habit of being super obsessed with a show and watching the first two or four seasons in like four days flat but then i totally stop watching 😭 and i’d say ooooh isfp!! but i know virtually nothing about the mbti types lmAOO but ahh it’s so cool how you like talking about mbti types!! how do you remember all that info?? anon u r big braining over here!!

#toaster asks #toaster: anime anon

[jiggyraps]

Best K-Pop, 2010-19

In the first great k-pop decade, SNSD set the bar and no one has jumped it yet. Who will?

Best Songs

1. SNSD - “Oh!” (2010) 2. HyunA - “RED” (2o14) 3. f(x) - “Rum Pum Pum Pum” (2013) 4. Cosmic Girls - “Secret” (2016) 5. EXO-K - “History” (2012) 6. SNSD - “Flower Power” (2012) (i know this song is in japanese, idc) 7. AOA - “Miniskirt” (2014) 8. Super Junior - “Mr. Simple” (2011) 9. Taeyeon - “Love in Color” (2017) 10. Narsha - “Bbi Ri Bba Bba” (2010) 11. Red Velvet - “Bad Boy” (2018) 12. Girl’s Day - “Something” (2014) 13. Kara - “Step” (2011) 14. 2NE1 - “Missing You” (2013) 15. AOA - “Heart Attack” (2015) 16. Stellar - “Sting” (2016) 17. Infinite - “The Chaser” (2012) 18. Sistar - “Alone” (2012) 19. B2ST - “Fiction” (Orchestra Ver.) (2011) 20. CLC - “Hobgoblin” (2017) 21. AKMU - “Melted” (2014) 22. EXO - “Bad Dream” (2018) 23. SNSD - “Run Devil Run” (2010) 24. Big Bang - “Fantastic Baby” (2012) 25. 2NE1 - “I am the Best” (2011) 26. Younha - “Airplane Mode” (2018) 27. SNSD - “The Boys” (2011) 28. BtoB - “Wow” (2012) 29. SNSD - “I Got a Boy” (2014) 30. Red Velvet - “Automatic” (2015) 31. Oh My Girl - “Closer” (2015) 32. HyunA - “Bubble Pop!” (2011) 33. Hoody - “Golden” (2018) 34. After School - “Love Love Love” (2012) 35. Hello Venus - “Show Window” (2015) 36. IU - “You & I” (2011) 37. Suran - “1+1=0″ (2017) 38. f(x) - “Red Light” (2014) 39. Tiffany - “Talk” (2016) 40. Twice - “Ooh Ahh” (2015) 41. IZ*ONE - “La Vie en Rose” (2018) 42. Stellar - “Mask” (2014) 43. Produce 48 - “Rumor” (2018) 44. 2NE1 - “Follow Me” (2010) 45. Gain - “Bloom” (2012) 46. Girl’s Day - “Expectation” (2013) 47. IU - “Twenty-Three” (2015) 48. B1A4 - “OK” (2011) 49. Trouble Maker - “Now” (2013) 50. Brown Eyed Girls - “Hot Shot” (2011) 51. AOA - “Good Luck” (2016) 52. Lim Kim - “Awoo” (2015) 53. Red Velvet - “Happiness” (2014) 54. Heize - “And July” (2016) 55. U-Kiss - “Neverland” (2011) 56. EXO - “Obsession” (2019) 57. Brave Girls - “No Rush” (2017) 58. VIXX - “On and On” (2013) 59. NCT U - “The 7th Sense” (2016) 60. BESTie - “Love Options” (2014) 61. Block B - “Nice Day” (2013) 62. Sophiya - “Therapy” (2017) 63. f(x) - “Pinocchio (Danger)” (2011) 64. BTS - “Blood, Sweat, & Tears” (2016) 65. Chung Ha - “Snapping” (2019) 66. Taeyang - “Eyes, Nose, Lips” (2014) 67. Jooyoung - “Wine” (2018) 68. Hello Venus - “Sticky Sticky” (2014) 69. SNSD - “Party” (2015) 70. Oh My Girl - “Liar Liar” (2016) 71. JYJ - “Be My Girl” (2010) 72. 4minute - “Whatcha Doin’ Today?” (2014) 73. Hyolyn & Jooyoung - “Erase” (2014) 74. Taeyeon - “11:11″ / “Why” (2016) 75. Seohyun - Magic (2017) 76. Hyolyn - Paradise (2016) 77. 9Muses - “Figaro” (2011) 78. Taeyeon - “I Got Love” (2017) 79. Red Velvet - “Peek-a-Boo” (2017) 80. T-ara - “So Crazy” (2015) 81. HINAPIA - “Drip” (2019) 82. EXID - “I Feel Good” (2012) 83. Gain - “Fxxk U” (2014) 84. IU - “Bbibbi” (2018) 85. Apink - “I Don’t Know” (2011) 86. Infinite - “Back” (2014) 87. GFriend - “Wish” (2019) 88. Dal Shabet - “Someone Like U” (2016) 89. Spica - “Tonight” (2013) 90. After School - “Flashback” (2012) 91. iKon - “Killing Me” (2018) 92. DEAN - “D” (2016) 93. Orange Caramel - “Magic Girl” (2010) 94. BTS - “Fake Love” (2018) 95. T-ara - “Sugar Free” (2014) 96. Apink - “%%” (2019) 97. f(x) - “Electric Shock” (2012) 98. ATEEZ - “Say My Name” (2019) 99. Super Junior - “Bonamana” (2010) 100. HyunA - “Babe” (2017) 101. BLACKPINK - “Boombayah” / “Whistle” (2016) 102. After School - “First Love” (2013) 103. Wonder Girls - “Be My Baby” (2011) 104. CLC - “No” (2019) 105. f(x) - “Rude Love” (2015) 106. Orange Caramel - “Bubble Bath” (2012) 107. Momoland - “Jjan! Koong! Kwang” (2016) 108. Sistar - “Touch My Body” (2014) 109. EXID - “Ah Yeah” (2015) 110. Mamamoo - “Egotistic” (2018) 111. KNK - “Sunset” (2019) 112. Jay Park - “Solo” (2016) 113. Red Velvet - “Umpah Umpah” (2019) 114. Zion.T - “Eat” (2015) 115. 4minute - “Is It Poppin’?” (2013) 116. PRISTIN - “Black Widow” (2017) 117. Narsha - “I’m in Love” (2010) 118. Sistar - “Lonely” (2017) 119. SHINee - “Dream Girl” (2013) 120. Yuri - “Into You” (2018) 121. SUNMI - “LALALAY” (2019) 122. Rania - “Pop Pop Pop” (2011) 123. Crush - “Outside” (2017) 124. Bumkey - “Bad Girl” (2013) 125. G.Soul - “Tequila” (2017) 126. SHINee - “Beautiful” (2013) 127. Brave Girls - “Whatever” (2016) 128. TVXQ! - “Spellbound” (2014) 129. Zion.T - “Babay” (2013) 130. SAAY - “ZGZG” (2019) 131. K.Will - “Please Don’t” (2012) 132. Lee Hyori - “Swing” (2010) 133. 2PM - “A.D.T.O.Y.” (2013) 134. Rainbow - “A” (2010) 135. EXO - “Love Me Right” (2015) 136. 4minute - “Volume Up” (2012) 137. U-Kiss - “DORADORA” (2012) 138. Ladies’ Code - “Pretty Pretty” (2013) 139. NCT 127 - “Superhuman” (2019) 140. CLC - “Pepe” (2015) 141. Big Bang - “Blue” (2012) 142. Infinite - “Breathe” (2014) 143. BoA - “Smash” (2015) 144. Orange Caramel - “Lipstick” (2012) 145. miss A - “I Don’t Need a Man” (2013) 146. SHINee - “Hello” (2010) 147. Block B - “Shall We Dance” (2017) 148. Sistar - “Miss Sistar” (2013) 149. B.A.P. - “Feel So Good” (2016) 150. Seven - “Digital Bounce” (2010)

Best Albums

1. Taeyeon - My Voice (deluxe edition) (2017) 2. f(x) - Pink Tape (2013) 3. Younha - Rescue (2017) 4. SHINee - The Misconceptions of You (2013) 5. Red Velvet - The Red (2015) 6. Hoody - Departure (2019) 7. AKMU - Play (2014) 8. Infinite - Season 2 (2014) 9. EXO - Exodus (2015) 10. f(x) - Four Walls (2015) 11. Wonder Girls - Reboot (2015) 12. Hoody - On and On (2017) * 13. SNSD - Oh! (2010) 14. Kara - Step (2011) 15. DEAN - 130 mood : TRBL (2016) * 16. Mamamoo - Reality in Black (2019) 17. Red Velvet - Perfect Velvet (2017) 18. Taemin - Press It (2016) 19. 2NE1 - To Anyone (2010) 20. Taeyeon - Purpose (2019) 21. SHINee - Odd (2015) 22. B2ST - Fiction or Fact (2011) 23. Taeyang - White Night (2017) 24. NCT - NCT 2018 Empathy (2018) 25. 9Muses - Prima Donna (2013) 26. IU - Palette (2017) 27. Jonghyun - She Is (2016) 28. Sistar - Give It to Me (2013) 29. BTS - Wings (2016) 30. SNSD - The Boys (2011) 31. VIXX - Voodoo (2013) 32. Zion.T - Red Light (2014) 33. Super Junior - Mr. Simple (2011) 34. 2NE1 - Crush (2014) 35. Jonghyun - Poet | Artist (2018) 36. Block B - Blockbuster (2012) 37. BTS - Love Yourself: Tear (2018) 38. SNSD - I Got a Boy (2013) 39. TVXQ - Spellbound (2014) 40. Girl’s Day - Love (2015) 41. EXO - Don’t Mess Up My Tempo (2018) 42. B1A4 - Ignition (2012) 43. SHINee - The Story of the Light: Epilogue (2018) 44. 2PM - No. 5 (2015) 45. BoA - Woman (2018) 46. TVXQ - Humanoids (2012) 47. 4minute - 4 Minutes Left (2011) 48. Got7 - Present: You (2018) 49. GFriend - LOL (2017) 50. Cosmic Girls - Happy Moment (2017)

Best Mini Albums (EPs)

1. G.Soul - Circles (2017) 2. Tiffany - I Just Wanna Dance (2016) 3. f(x) - Electric Shock (2012) 4. 2NE1 - 2NE1 (2011) 5. HyunA - A Talk (2014) 6. Big Bang - Alive (2012) 7. Exo-K - Overdose (2014) 8. Narsha - Narsha (2010) 9. SHINee - Sherlock (2012) 10. Seohyun - Don’t Say No (2017) 11. G. Dragon - Coup D’Etat (2013) 12. Brave Girls - High Heels (2016) 13. AOA - Good Luck (2016) 14. CLC - Crystyle (2017) 15. Taeyeon - Why (2016) 16. 4minute - 4minute World (2014) 17. PRISTIN - Hi! PRISTIN (2017) 18. Heize - And July (2016) 19. Hello Venus - I’m Ill (2015) 20. Zion.T - Mirrorball (2013) 21. U-Kiss - DORADORA (2012) 22. Red Velvet - Ice Cream Cake (2015) 23. SNSD - Hoot (2010) 24. Lim Kim - Simple Mind (2015) 25. IU - Chat-Shire (2015) 26. Red Velvet - RBB (2018) 27. Jooyoung - Fountain (2018) 28. Myname - 1st Mini Album (2013) 29. Apink - Pink LUV (2014) 30. Twice - Page Two (2016) 31. BTS - Love Yourself 承 ‘Her’ (2017) 32. NCT 127 - Limitless (2017) 33. SUNMI - Warning (2018) 34. EXID - We (2019) 35. SUMIN - OO DA DA (2019) 36. Jun Hyoseong - Fantasia (2015) 37. BLACKPINK - Square Up (2016) * 38. AOA - Like a Cat (2014) 39. Block B - Very Good (2013) 40. Sonamoo - CUSHION (2015) 41. (G)I-DLE - I Made (2019) 42. SNSD - Mr.Mr. (2014) 43. Spica - Russian Roulette (2012) 44. MBLAQ - Sexy Beat (2013) 45. Rainbow - So Girls (2011) 46. SuperM - SuperM (2019) 47. miss A - Touch (2012) 48. T-ara - Black Eyes (2011) 49. Dal Shabet - B.B.B. (2014) 50. Psy - Psy 6 (Six Rules), Part 1 (2012)

Best Producers / Songwriters

1. Kenzie 2. Brave Brothers 3. GroovyRoom 4. Duble Sidekick 5. J.Y. Park 6. Shinsadong Tiger 7. Hitman Bang 8. Primary 9. Misfit 10. Black Eyed Pilseung

Best Soloist: IU, runner-up Crush Best Girl Group: SNSD, runner-up f(x) Best Boy Group: SHINee, runner-up EXO Best Rapper: HyunA, runner-up ZICO Best Vocalist: Taeyeon, runner-up Hyolyn

* Denotes a mini-album or single album I recategorized using common sense

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 31: Royal Fears

With this new entry of this fanfic inspired on Sanders Sides by Thomas Sanders, Joan S. and the Foster Dawg Team, I’m starting a new phase on the format. My idea is to slowly move away from mimicking the format of a real Sanders Sides episode and start experimenting with other formats. In past episodes, there were four rules I always adhered to: I would use a script format (this won’t change, it will still be written as a script, even if it’s conceived to be read and not to be filmed), Thomas would always be present and center of the story, except in the ending cards (which forced me to use the gimmicks of the flashbacks, the orbs, etc), there would be an opening trying to make a short gag of some kind, and there would be an ending card in the style of the one featured at the end of Embarrasing Phases, some scene of the Sides in the Mind Palace foreshadowing future episodes. Some of these will stay, others may not. I want to try experimenting with the Asides format, introducing real ellypsis during the plot, maybe scenes without Thomas present, I don’t know, something to make the plot more dynamic and less rigid. We’ll see how it goes. Well, enough ranting. I’m leaving you with the new episode and I hope you enjoy it.

SYNOPSIS: Two of Thomas’ friends ask Roman for help and when he can’t fulfil their needs, they ask Chris instead, who excels in them. That makes Roman feel insecure and a bit jealous of his own son in spite of him.

WARNINGS: Romantic prinxiety, mentions to romantic dukeceit, even though Remus is not present in this episode. Angst.

EPISODE INDEX

[Thomas is writing something on his laptop, when someone knocks at the door]

THOMAS: That must be Dominic, he told me he would come over to ask me for something. I wonder what it is. [closing his laptop] Oh, well, this new Cartoon Therapy script for the episode after the one Adri was working in will have to wait. As well as the other eleven projects for the upcoming shorts, the next scripts for the two following episodes based on my life with the Sanders Sides, the notes I had to take so that I could tell Foti what we must improve for the following music show we’re working into… oh, yes, and I had to answer all these emails about upcoming sponsored jobs… Well, all of that will have to wait. Isn’t it weird that some people out there say that I’m not releasing anything while my friends tell me that I work too much? Oh, well, who’s right or wrong, who’s to say? That sounds familiar… Never mind.

[Thomas puts the laptop on the couch and goes to open the door]

[intro sequence]

DOMINIC: Hi, Thomas.

THOMAS: Hi, Dominic. How are you doing?

DOMINIC: Fine, thanks. I hope I’m not interrupting you. I’m sorry I just called you this morning, but I kinda need your help.

THOMAS: Oh, of course. Is there any trouble?

DOMINIC: No, no, everything’s fine. I meant that I need your help for some little project of mine. If you’re not too busy, that is.

THOMAS: I was working on something, but don’t worry, I’ve still got plenty of time till the deadline, and this moment of recess will be refreshing for me.

DOMINIC: Good. You know you can call me anytime, should you need any kind of assistance for that project, right?

THOMAS: Of course, thank you. But now tell me how can I be of assistance for you.

DOMINIC: In fact, it’s not exactly your help what I need. I need Roman’s help.

THOMAS: Roman’s help? Of course. I’ll call him right now. Roman! Could you come here, please?

[Roman rises up with his iconic princely pose]

ROMAN: [singing the first word in a G4] I-I-I-I-I’m here, Thomas… Oh, hi Dominic, it’s been ages.

DOMINIC: Yes, it has.

THOMAS: I’m calling you because Dominic needs you, Roman.

ROMAN: Well, I’ll be glad to rescue you however I can, Dominic. How can I be of service to you?

DOMINIC: [confused] Rescue… me? Oh, well. Roman, would you mind modeling for me?

ROMAN: Oh… I was born to be a model. Do you need me to wear Gucci, Dolce, Versace…? Let me warn you, when I wear a tuxedo, James Bond has to stir his Martini because he’s too shaken by my handsomeness…

DOMINIC: I was thinking more of a princely modeling. If I wanted that kind of modern modeling, I could have just asked Thomas himself.

THOMAS: [giggles bashfully] Oh, come on, I’m not a model…

DOMINIC: That’s not what your Instagram posts are showing, Thomas. You’re good looking, don’t belittle yourself.

THOMAS: Thank you, that’s flattering…

ROMAN: Well, what kind of project are we talking about exactly? Maybe if I know what you’re thinking on, I could be of more help.

THOMAS: I’m intrigued too.

DOMINIC: Well, I wanted to make a drawing featuring a prince, and since you’re the closest available prince I have, I was hoping if you could show me some of your best outfits to grab some ideas.

ROMAN: Of course, I’ll be delighted. As you can see, this is my normal princely suit, in bright white with a red sash.

DOMINIC: Yes, I have seen you plenty of times with it. It’s not exactly what I’m looking for. Have you got something else?

ROMAN: Well… [changes outfit to his old season 1 outfit] This is my old outfit, if you were going for something more sober, but equally bright.

DOMINIC: It is almost the same as your usual outfit, and no offense, but the suit looks a little bit like a cooking jacket. That won’t work either.

ROMAN: I’m not offended, that’s why I ended up changing it, after all. Okay, then let’s go for less utilized royal outfits of mine…

[Roman changes to the outfit he uses to wear when he’s fused with Remus]

ROMAN: How about this? Usually I wear this only when I’m fused with Remus, but if you wanted a radically different approach, this may work.

DOMINIC: I mean… It’s almost the same as the old one, only that in navy blue and brown, although the crown is a nice addition, but it’s still not enough, I’m sorry.

ROMAN: Well, you’re surely seem to know what you’re looking for… Let me see what I hold in my closet… There’s not much in my closet nowadays other than clothing… [giggles, then with a cringey expression] I’m sorry for that one. Okay… How about… this?

[Now Roman is wearing the very first outfit his brother Roland, the Prince Guy, wore in the Sanders Shorts, similar to his own old one but full of medals on the chest and the sash]

ROMAN: I couldn’t find anything, so I borrowed this from my brother. But I kept the crown since you seemed to like it.

[Dominic frowns slightly at Roman]

DOMINIC: This… is just your old outfit full of medals. It’s not what I’m looking for. Don’t you have anything else that doesn’t feature a sash?

ROMAN: [switching back to his usual outfit, with an over dramatic voice] No sash!? How can a prince get out of his castle without a royal sash around his heart symbolizing his pureness of heart and his indomitable will!?

[At that moment, Chris rises up]

CHRIS: There you are, father! I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Have you forgotten we had fencing class today? You promised you’d teach me how to use your samurai sword!

ROMAN: I’m sorry, son. I totally forgot.

DOMINIC: I’m sorry… who is this?

THOMAS: Oh, that’s right, you and Dahlia haven’t met him yet. This is Chris. He’s Angsty Creativity and the son of Roman and Virgil. And yes, two male Sides can physically conceive a child because they’re not human. Chris, this is my friend Dominic.

CHRIS: Nice to meet you, Dominic.

DOMINIC: Same.

ROMAN: Well, Chris, I’m sorry, but our fencing lesson will have to wait. I was helping Dominic with…

DOMINIC: It’s okay, Roman! I finally found what I was looking for!

ROMAN: What?

DOMINIC: Chris, your outfit is perfect. Would you mind modeling for me?

CHRIS: What? What is modeling?

THOMAS: You stand still while an artist draws you. Dominic wants to make a drawing of you.

DOMINIC: I want to make some sketches of you wearing your outfit so that I can get ideas for a future cosplay of mine. I could make some photos, but I prefer to draw I because then I can include some ideas on the fly into the drawing.

CHRIS: Oh, well. I’d be honored to be of help, if you need me. When would you need me?

DOMINIC: Oh, we can do it right now, if you want. I have my tools in my car, I’ll get them and we’ll be ready. Hold on for a sec, be back soon.

[Dominic rushes to the door. Roman watches the scene with a face of confusion]

CHRIS: Oh, wow… I don’t know if I’ll be good at this…

THOMAS: Of course you can do this. It’s not that difficult, and it could be a good learning exercise for you, right Roman?

[Roman doesn’t answer, as he hasn’t heard Thomas]

THOMAS: Roman? Are you with us?

ROMAN: Mmm? Oh, I’m sorry, what did you say?

THOMAS: I said that this could be a good learning exercise for Chris, and that he can do this. Don’t you agree?

ROMAN: Oh… yes, yes, of course. You can do this, son, and I fully support you.

[Dominic returns carrying some drawing tools]

DOMINIC: Okay, I’m back. Are you ready?

CHRIS: Yes, what do I do?

DOMINIC: Just stand where you are, open your legs, your right hand on your hip, hold your sword with the left one and raise it pointing to… Thomas’ big picture on the wall, the one that Logan hates so much, that will do.

THOMAS: Wait, what?

DOMINIC: Oh, he didn’t tell you? Well… you were going to learn about that sooner or later… Then, Chris, raise your chin, project your chest, hold your breath a bit, give me a brave smile and look at the big picture. Roman, would you mind stepping back a few steps? You’re covering Chris.

ROMAN: Oh, sorry… Well, if you don’t need me, I guess I’ll be going now. See ya later guys.

THOMAS: See ya, Roman, thanks for coming.

[Roman sinks down with a serious face]

DOMINIC: Now, the most difficult part, don’t move for the next hour or so.

CHRIS: Do I have to hold my breath for a whole hour?

DOMINIC: Oh, of course not, sorry, you would suffocate.

CHRIS: I mean, I can hold my breath for an hour if you want me to, it’s just that it’s not pleasant.

DOMINIC: You can hold your breath for a whole hour without suffocating?

THOMAS: That’s a new Side ability I didn’t know about…

CHRIS: Sure! I can hold my breath for as long as I want, but it’s not comfy, and after the first two hours or so, my skin starts turning purple.

DOMINIC: Don’t worry it won’t take that long. And you can breath from time to time if you want, Chris, as long as you don’t move.

CHRIS: Okay…

[A couple of hours later, Dominic and Chris are done and gone. Thomas is finishing his lunch before going back to his script, when someone knocks at the door again. Thomas goes to open the door]

THOMAS: Oh, hi Joan.

JOAN: [walking to the living room with Thomas] Hi, Thomas.

THOMAS: I’m still not done with the script. I think I can have it finished later today, it’s only a couple of pages of the ending what I’m missing.

JOAN: That’s fine… Listen, can you help me with something?

THOMAS: Of course.

JOAN: You see, Talyn and I are going to visit some family from out of town, you know, my uncle and aunt and my two cousins. These two cousins love spooky stories. I wanted to write a spooky short tale to tell them while we’re there… but I’m dried out. I can’t figure out anything. So, I wondered if you could call…

ROMAN: [rising up, with a theatrical voice] Do not fear, Joan! Creativity is here and I will help you with whatever you may need!

THOMAS: Oh, Roman… I didn’t call you yet.

JOAN: Yeah… I… I’m sorry… but I meant to call your son, Chris.

ROMAN: [disappointed] Oh…

JOAN: But don’t worry, I can use your help if you’re so eager to help me.

THOMAS: Are you sure, though? You meant to write a spooky story, and Roman, you know that’s not your strong suit.

ROMAN: [slightly dejected] Oh, a spooky story… Yes, of course. I’m… I’m not good at that. The experts on spooky are my brother Remus and Chris.

JOAN: Remus would be too much. I want a spooky story, not to traumatize my cousins with a retelling of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. I thought on Chris because he’s Angsty Creativity, something in the middle, which is exactly what I was looking for.

ROMAN: [slightly sad voice] Yes… my son is so great… he’s been what everyone’s been looking for lately, it seems…

THOMAS: Are you okay, Roman?

ROMAN: [sudden over the top happy voice] Yes, yes, I’m fine! I’m happy that my son gets to be so successful, and I’m proud of him, of course, like I’m supposed to be as his father! Go ahead and call him!

THOMAS: Okay… Chris? Could you come here again, please?

CHRIS: [rising up] Yes, Thomas? I hope it’s not more modeling, like before… My muscles are still hurting of standing still for one hour.

THOMAS: No, this time what I need is exactly your thing.

JOAN: Yes, I need you to help me write a spooky short tale.

CHRIS: [excited] Oh, a spooky tale! I love spooky! Of course! What do you have in mind?

ROMAN: [with a bittersweet smile] Well, if you don’t need me, I’ll be going, just like before. Bye, guys.

THOMAS: Bye, Roman, thanks for coming. I’m sorry you couldn’t be of more help now.

ROMAN: [sighs while sinking down with an utterly sad expression] So am I…

[an hour or so has passed, and Joan and Chris are done and gone. Thomas is again in front of his laptop, trying to come up with something to write, but he can’t get anything]

THOMAS: I’m totally out of ideas… And I was so inspired this afternoon… Maybe I should go check on Roman. He looked so dejected when he left… Maybe he needs some cheering up. It’s good that, since I learned to dominate my Light Master powers, I can go in and out of the Mind Palace without assistance. Okay, let’s go.

[Thomas leaves the laptop on the couch, stands up and then sinks down. Before he rises up in Roman’s room, he hears Virgil’s voice, so he decides to stay hiding without showing up, listening to everything that’s happening there. Roman is sad and quiet, while Virgil is talking to him]

VIRGIL: A penny for your thoughts, Roman. You’ve been so silent for the last hour. Is there anything bothering you?

ROMAN: I’m fine… I’m fine, don’t worry, Virgil. I’ll be fine.

VIRGIL: “I’m fine” and “I’ll be fine” are exclusionary sentences, and “I’ll be fine” means that you’re not fine right now. What’s wrong?

ROMAN: It’s nothing… just my old stupid ego fighting against me, like usual. It will pass. It has to pass, right?

VIRGIL: I’m sorry, but I’m not following you. What are you talking about?

ROMAN: I mean… I should be fine already. In fact, I should be overwhelmed with joy and pride, like a father should be of his son. So, why am I feeling like this? Am I… horrible for thinking like this?

VIRGIL: I still don’t get you. Why don’t you start from the beginning so that I can understand. What are you talking about and what does Chris have to do with it?

ROMAN: Today, I tried to help Thomas’ friends with some projects of theirs… and they all preferred Chris’ help, who excelled at those tasks. I felt happy for him, but at the same time… I felt so bad… I don’t know why… Well, to be honest, I do. I felt displaced by Chris, like… [his voice starts trembling] like if suddenly I wasn’t needed anymore, like… Chris is so much younger and so much better than me in so many things. He’s a better prince than I’ve ever been… and it scares me to think that Thomas… may not want my help anymore. [tears start coming out of his eyes] Suddenly I’m feeling old, and useless… and… and…

[Roman starts crying. Virgil hugs him]

VIRGIL: It’s okay…

ROMAN: [crying on Virgil’s shoulder] I’m sorry I’m being so pathetic right now… You must feel so ashamed of me when I start crying like this, like a hopeless baby… I’m a father, I’m supposed to be strong to support my family, and yet I feel like the weight is crushing me down… Maybe I’m not good enough to be a father…

VIRGIL: Don’t say that, Roman. Of course you’re good enough. I couldn’t think of a better father for Chris than you. We’re just pretty new at this and need some time to get used to parenthood. Especially after the experience we’ve all just gone through, which was not exactly a good start. But it’s only a matter of time, you’ll see.

ROMAN: And yet, all I’ve ever done since I’ve become a father is a total failure after another.

VIRGIL: That’s not true!

ROMAN: Isn’t it? First I let that fiend take our son. I gave Chris to that monster on a silver platter because of my foolish idea of taking Chris to Sandersia while he was still wandering around over there.

VIRGIL: You didn’t know that would happen! None of us could have seen it coming!

ROMAN: And now, I’m jealous and envious of my own son, and I’m feeling him like a threat. What does that turn me into? I’m Prince Roman. I’m supposed to be a hero, and yet I’m behaving like a villain! Chris is the new hero and I’m just the villain that would wish to own everything the hero owns, that would wish to be in his place… I… I’m a fraud as a prince. Maybe I should abdicate the crown on Chris. He’d make a better use of it right now.

VIRGIL: Roman, I’m sorry to tell you, but you are truly behaving like a villain right now.

ROMAN: Right?

VIRGIL: Right, but not against Chris. You’re being a villain against yourself.

ROMAN: What?

VIRGIL: You are just throwing one harsh judgment against yourself after another. As I can see, you don’t really hold any ill will against our son. It’s all thoughts in your head… like, something about Remus was rubbing off on you. You’re starting to get intrusive thoughts of your own and they’re driving you mad.

ROMAN: I don’t know… maybe… Remus was part of me after all and maybe a part of him still resides inside of me… But still, that is a type of thought that I’m not supposed to have, especially against my own son.

VIRGIL: But you have constantly said that Chris’ achievements make you happy. So you don’t really have anything against him, it’s all against yourself. You’re thinking that you’re less than him, that you don’t deserve as much praise as him, and that is what is making you feel afraid. But that, as Logan would say, is a falsehood. You’re not less than anyone. You’re still prince Roman. The same great prince I fell in love with.

ROMAN: Virgil…

VIRGIL: Not so long ago, it was me who stayed in your position. I was the one who constantly belittled himself, who constantly thought of himself that I was less than all of the other Sides. But then you came around and changed my world for the better. I can tell you by experience that all these harsh judgments are only in your head, just like it happened with me. Think carefully. Do you honestly believe that Thomas could live without you? He couldn’t. He needs us all to be himself. You’re just as an important part of him as all the rest of us. Even when Thomas is a complete dork and quite a moron sometimes, he would agree with me.

[Thomas rises up in the room emitting some offended Thomothy noises]

ROMAN: [startled] Thomas? How long have you been here?

VIRGIL: Quite a long time. He tried to stay hidden, but I noticed him. That’s why I picked on him to make him show up.

THOMAS: You noticed me? I thought if you stayed hidden you couldn’t be noticed.

VIRGIL: Yeah, but you need some more practice in stealth. The portrait of Roman in the back wall got completely crooked when you arrived and I noticed it was you.

ROMAN: Wait, you’re right! How didn’t I notice that?

VIRGIL: You were so drowned in your own thoughts that you lacked the capacity to pay attention to your surroundings, Roman.

ROMAN: Anyway, you should have announced your presence, Thomas. It’s not nice to spy on us like that. And you should have told me, Virgil. I was having a private conversation and I didn’t want anyone to hear me, especially Thomas.

THOMAS: I apologize, Roman, and you’re right that I shouldn’t be spying on your conversations, but I’m thankful that Virgil didn’t tell you, and I think I can guess why he didn’t.

VIRGIL: [smirks] I think you guessed correctly, but go on, Thomas.

THOMAS: Would you have ever told me that you felt like this at all? Be honest.

ROMAN: Well, probably not… but even so, I was in my right not to tell you. Everyone has a right to keep secrets to himself, Thomas. Even you keep secrets, we all do.

THOMAS: You’re right. Everyone has a right to have a personal space and to have secrets of his own. However, if those secrets are wounding you, they’re also wounding me, and I think I have a right to know when something is wounding me, directly or indirectly. Don’t you? I promise not to spy on you again like this. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry, but I beg you that, the next time you have feelings like these that hurt you – and me – so much, come tell me yourself, at least whatever affects me or whatever I can use to help you.

ROMAN: I know… it’s just that… I was afraid of your reaction. I thought that you’d see me like a monster or at least… like a jerk.

THOMAS: Roman, what kind of person do you think I am? I’m not here to judge you. Aren’t we friends?

ROMAN: Of course we are friends.

THOMAS: Then you should know that, as your friend, I’m here to support you. I want to help you in every way that I can, but I can’t if you don’t open your heart to me, Roman.

CHRIS: [suddenly rising up] What are you talking about, Thomas? What do you have to open your heart about, father?

ROMAN: [startled] Oh, Chris… you’re here.

CHRIS: Of course I’m here, father. I live in this room too, remember? Even if I have my own bedroom, I share this living room too. Maybe I should consider moving to dad’s room as it is empty now and both you and I would have more space…

VIRGIL: I don’t like that idea so much… I didn’t have the chance of raising you and you’re already thinking on emancipating… it’s not fair. I go through the struggle and pains of becoming a father and I don’t get all the good stuff of raising a son…

CHRIS: It was just an idea, dad, I’m fine here right now, and it’s not like I have a college to go to or anything… but we’re diverting. What was Thomas talking about? Is something bothering you, father?

ROMAN: [hesitating, afraid to speak] Well, Chris, I…

VIRGIL: It’s nothing serious, Chris, don’t worry.

CHRIS: And now it’s when I really start worrying, because if it wasn’t serious you wouldn’t mind telling me, and yet you’re hiding it from me. [suddenly scared] Is it something about me? Did… did I do something wrong? Are you mad or disappointed at me over something?

ROMAN: [waving both hands quickly] No, no, no, of course not, Chris! You didn’t do anything wrong at all! [sighs] Okay, I’ll tell you, but before I start, know that nothing of what I’m going to say is your fault, and above all else, know that I love you with all my heart and that I want nothing but your happiness, okay?

CHRIS: [confused and concerned] Okay…

ROMAN: The problem is not you. It’s me. Everything you do as a Side was something that I was in charge of doing, mostly. Now you’ve arrived, and you’re so perfect, so much better than me in everything you do that… I suddenly felt useless and, I’m ashamed to admit it… [hesitates before continuing] …jealous of your success. But I repeat that it’s not your fault and you did nothing wrong at all. It’s all in my head and I don’t have any ill will against you. I’m happy and proud that you’re successful, okay? Well… what do you say? Would you… forgive me?

CHRIS: Are you… kidding me? You are jealous of… me? But why? I’m nothing special. I’m nothing compared to you in terms of creativity. Yes, I may be an expert on angsty creativity, but you are Creativity with a capital C. You can tackle almost any genre you set your eyes into, and it’s me who would wish to be as perfect as you are, father. You are my inspiration, my role model and my motivation to keep on improving and getting better, because one of my biggest wishes is that whatever I make can make you proud of me, father. I have nothing to forgive you for. I’m the one who should ask you to forgive me for making you feel like this, it was never my intention at all to hurt you.

ROMAN: Oh, son, I’m telling you you did nothing wrong. However, you’re so mistaken in so many things. I’m not as perfect as you think you are. I’m incredibly flawed. Despite how much I try to hide it with my poses, I’ve always been very insecure and afraid of failure. And I make a lot of mistakes that would make you feel embarrassed of me. [holding gently Chris’ cheek, who in turn holds his father’s hand] And don’t say again that you’re not special. You’re wonderful in so many ways. You have an incredible spark within you and it makes me sad that you can’t see it inside of yourself. You don’t need to proof yourself before me, because I’m already proud of you, Chris.

VIRGIL: We can agree in a couple of things then. You both are harsh with yourselves, and you both are proud of each other at the same time, which is proof of how how much judgmental you are on yourselves. I suppose that’s the curse of creators, never able to see the beauty and value of their own work, no matter how much praise they receive from others. It’s true that both of you are flawed. Who isn’t flawed, anyway? But at the same time, you both are special in your own ways and you must learn to give yourselves an honest pat on the back for your accomplishments. If you want a “biased unbiased opinion”, I’m proud of both of you, and anyone who could see your work and had just a little bit of good taste should be proud of both of you equally.

[Roman and Chris look at Virgil with a moved smile]

CHRIS: Thank you, dad.

ROMAN: Thank you, Virge. I love you.

VIRGIL: And I love both of you.

THOMAS: This was such a beautiful family bonding moment… I almost feel awkward and out of place for being here disturbing your privacy. I should be leaving.

VIRGIL: What are you talking about, Thomas? You are our family too.

ROMAN: That’s right, so come here right now for a family collective hug, okay?

THOMAS: [smiles] Gladly.

[all of them join in a group hug while the camera slowly moves away]

ROMAN: [still hugging Thomas] Thomas?

THOMAS: Yes, Princey?

ROMAN: [with the same “heartwarming” voice] If you ever tell the others about my insecurities and flaws, I will feed you to the Dragon Witch, okay?

THOMAS: [a little concerned] Uh… okay…

[ending card]

[Deceit is in his room. Honesty rises up]

HONESTY: Hi, Dee.

DECEIT: Hi, Hon, how are you doing?

HONESTY: I’m fine… What about you?

DECEIT: Me? I’m… fine, totally fine…

[Honesty stares at Deceit with a condescending glance letting him know that he’s aware Deceit’s lying]

DECEIT: Okay… You already know, I’m not fine, so what do you want me to say?

HONESTY: I’m not here to interrogate you, Dee. You and I know each other already and you know that I know everything that happened through our shared memory. I’m coming here because, even if I know it all already, it’s always good to vent it out verbally, and I’m here to hear you, if you want me to.

DECEIT: Thanks, Hon… You already know that my mind is quite a mess right now… After what happened the other day… I’m more confused than ever.

HONESTY: You’re talking about Remus’ kiss, right? I have full access to your memories, but I don’t have full access to your feelings, so I need to know. What are your current feelings for Remus, if I may ask?

DECEIT: I don’t even know it myself, Hon. The other day I was blunt with him. I told him that I didn’t love him the way that I still love Virgil. But…

HONESTY: Have you changed your mind?

DECEIT: No! Well… I don’t know… Ugh! Why does love have to be so complicated!?

HONESTY: What do you feel when you think about Remus?

DECEIT: Well, he’s chaotic, bad mannered, wild and even brutal to some extent… but there’s also this… gallantry in him. Like… he’s a duke after all and he was once part of a prince, so it’s natural that there are traces of that gallantry in him. Deep inside… Deep deep inside, he’s as charming as his brother Roman and there’s something about him that… really, really attracts me. But I don’t know if I can consider that proper love. Passion and love are not always synonymous. And I'm not even sure if I'm feeling passion towards him. I can't figure out my feelings at all.

HONESTY: May I assume that there’s something in him that attracts you and also something in him that repels you?

DECEIT: I don’t know… maybe. When he lets himself get carried away by that other side, he can be really dangerous. Remember our adventure in his castle, we could barely get out of there alive. I’m not saying he would go to those extremes again, but…

HONESTY: So, in short, you love him, but you’re scared to love him. Am I right?

DECEIT: Well…

HONESTY: Be honest with me, you know you can be.

DECEIT: I guess you’re right. I do love him, but I’m scared to love him. And I don’t want to love him, but…

HONESTY: …but you do, because that’s how love works. It just shows up with or without an invitation, and stays and leaves whenever it pleases him… Wow, love looks just like a cat if you think about it…

DECEIT: [bittersweet giggle] Sort of… But you already know who was the “cat” I’ve always associated with love, Hon.

HONESTY: Virgil… Are you sure you still love him, though? I mean, there are certainly long-term relationships of three or more consenting people, but… I may be wrong, but your memories show me that that’s not your cup of tea, that you’ve always been a one-man-only kind of guy. That’s why I’m asking you. Do you still love Virgil?

DECEIT: I… I think I do. Gosh, I’m so confused. I’m not even sure of myself.

HONESTY: Well… there’s one Side who could be of more help than me in this matter of feelings. Maybe you should talk to Patton.

DECEIT: What? No! He’s Virgil’s father! And he’s also Thomas’ morality! He would judge me, probably harshly! Remember that in the beginning he despised me! And it took me so long to gain his friendship, that I don’t want to let it all go to waste!

HONESTY: That’s all water under the bridge, Dee. Patton is our friend, and he loves us, including you, Deceit. I’m sure he would try to help you if you give him a chance. And he understands feelings better than anyone else. He even noticed Logan’s feelings for him before Logan himself could figure them out. I’m sure he could help you figure out your own feelings too.

DECEIT: I don’t know…

HONESTY: I won’t push you to do anything that you don’t wanna do, but will you promise me at least that you’ll consider asking him for help. I’m worried about you, Dee, I just want you to be happy.

DECEIT: I know, brother, and I thank you very much. [sighs] I promise I’ll meditate about it. But nothing more yet until I make up my mind.

HONESTY: Okay, as you wish, Dee… Now, what’s for dinner?

DECEIT: Dinner?

HONESTY: Of course, you wouldn’t expect me to come here as your sentimental advisor and not get rewarded with some dinner, right?

DECEIT: [smirks] Why you… Do you want to help me make dinner, then? It will be a nice way of relaxing after this convo.

HONESTY: Of course. Anything for my favorite brother.

DECEIT: I’m your only brother…

HONESTY: I know, I’m Honesty, I didn’t say any lies, did I?

[Deceit giggles and heads to the kitchen with Honesty]

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #dukeceit #romantic dukeceit #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #aspects and fanfics

[sureivy]

is that HALSEY? no, that’s just IVY CALDER. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR years old and is an EMPLOYEE AT DON’T FRET & PAWS 4 LOVE. rumor has it they’ve been in town for FOUR MONTHS / TEN YEARS. on a good day, they’re CREATIVE & VERSATILE. but watch out! they can also be IRRESPONSIBLE & VOLATILE. TRIGGER BANG BY LILY ALLEN (FT. GIGGS) plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill!

hello my pals ! i’m amy ( 20 // est // she/her ) and i am super excited to be here! we also over here bringing back a fairly old muse (i,, apparently,, play her during election years,,) with a couple of tweaks, so we love that for me! also! pls forgive me if this is lowkey disorganized, we’ve been in and out of airports all day! can’t wait to contract that sexy corona!

QUICK FACTS:

full name: ivy rose calder

date of birth: may 2, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: taurus sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: high school diploma

enneagram: 7w8?

mbti: enfp

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

positive traits: creative, versatile, passionate, compassionate

negative traits: irresponsible, volatile, impressionable, hedonistic

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: brief implied sexual abuse, suicide, a lot of death talk?, drug abuse ( desoxyn ), overdose

ivy lived the first eight years of her life in newark, nj. she had a mere family of three – her mother, a model-turned-stay-at-home-mom, her father, a politician, and herself. she was much closer to her mother, but she and her father were close at night.

when her mother finally found out about this, she wasted no time in taking ivy’s father’s side. what a good mom! instead, ya girl was already getting in touch with cps herself... but wow... it was gonna ruin his career in politics :\

“Now, one thing I lerned from Storys is, when something big is about to okur, a riter will go: Then it hapened! This tells the reeder: Get Reddy. Here I go: Then it hapened!” - fox 8

then it happened!

humiliated, clearly never getting a platform back, and absolutely bitter, ivy’s father killed himself before being sent to prison. 

Very Tragique™

ok. so. to distance themselves from the poor memories, but to save money, ivy and her mother moved to springhill, temporarily sharing ivy’s aunt’s apartment while her mother began collecting enough money to buy an apartment of their own and keep it.

during this time, ivy was seeing a lot of people and she didn’t know why! they asked questions about her mental health, but she didn’t know why! i mean, totally not traumatic, right?

yes. instead of managing communication well, she became very fascinated by the concept of death. she had many questions about it, she, a youth, had some extended conversations with clergymen about it –– she never killed any animals, god forbid, but she was absolutely fascinated when she ran across them.

SO CLEARLY THAT WAS ALSO TRYING TO BE DEALT WITH.

ok, i’m gonna skip ahead a little. now in teen years and still fascinated by death, but in a healthier way!, and no longer in therapy because... like... that costs a lot of money!

she dealt with it the best she could. became enamored with music... because why wouldn’t she? some covers here and there, some originals here and there, living that youtube lyf, but not expecting anything to come of it. just liked validation! mood!

she also dealt with it the worst she could! became enamored with drugs! naturally, it started out small. some weed, some lsd, some molly –– you know, just drugs that you don’t typically think of as addictive. although her grades suffered, it was harmless enough...

upon graduating high school, she figured... no college. instead, with barely any money to her name, she was like “i... will go to new york... and i will become famous.”

and she did! she did go to new york! she found a few sketchy places that didn’t charge much for a few nights as she began networking - both socially and “i would like to be known for music” (i literally just forgot the word for networking like..... employment wise.... y’all i’m so dumb). when she’d made some friends, she began crashing on couches that were not quite as sketchy! 

but :\ she did meet these friends in sketchy places :\ and they were like “ok here r some new and more addictive drugs for u to try!”

what she wound up abusing using the most was desoxyn. it kept her awake, it kept her focused, it even shed a few pounds to create an excellent figure! what wasn’t to love! 

i mean it’s literally a prescription methamphetamine,,, when abused,,, literally almost exact same effects as meth,,, but when meth mouth, skin lesions, acne, etc aren’t occurring as a side effect? who was she to care!

20, she released an actual ep with the help of a super cool friend who made everyone call him puppy mills! wow! things were excellent! it wasn’t necessarily seeing mainstream traction, but there was a decent enough following! enough to release an album at 22!

perfect timing, btw! desoxyn was starting to become too expensive for puppy to afford and trying to fake having such a severe form of adhd that desoxyn would be prescribed as opposed to something like ritalin or adderal when it’s literally illegal to prescribe in some countries now?? too hard :\ but the money from the album helped her and puppy!

*olaf vc* puppy died. *end vc*

she was there for it too. she thought it was just a freak-out, took a LITTLE too much, but not OVERDOSE worthy... then he l i t e r a l l y died. and it was a painful death!

“oh wow! maybe prescription meth isn’t super cool after all! shucks!” but that was also an opening?? to visit death herself?? like... she didn’t necessarily want to die (sort of), but she wanted... an answer to the question that had plagued her her entire life... so she was like “ok hope i die then someone revives me but if i die then :\ i guess i die!”

did not die. but also did not get a satisfying answer to her question. the only way it would’ve been truly satisfying? if she had been dead for longer than a minute - then it would’ve given a definite answer! because the answer she received was just nothingness which, while peaceful... is it true?

she tried to detox alone, what because rehab is a business, and it... only... sort of worked. she would be clean for a few weeks, then fall back in, then clean for a few weeks, then fall back in. whenever she wasn’t just naturally focused and awake, or whenever what she was focused on was the past, she would fall back in.

i mean, a side effect is memory loss, so win/win!

she made the semi-wise decision to move back to springhill. wisest would’ve been to just move to a town/city she had absolutely no memories in, but better than moving back to newark!

so... without much to show, and with an unreliable streak, she knew she wouldn’t be able to start looking for much of an occupation – but she still needed money! so she began working at don’t fret out of a love for music, then began working at the animal shelter after completing training.

the main training was, of course, for putting animals to sleep.

FULL CIRCLE.

ah yes. how she pretends it’s healthy... even tho there are studies and statistics relating suicide to veterinarians and shelter workers who euthanize animals... ah yes.

has been back for four months now. love that. do not know how to finish this.

TL ; DR:

born in newark. moved to springhill at 8. childhood trauma that she is still carrying causes fascination with death. “i love music.” moved to ny at 18 because realistic. childhood trauma also causes dependency on desoxyn. releases an ep and an album. does not become famous, but they both have decent traction. moves back after an overdose. relapses... often. now sells records and puts animals to sleep. miss american dream since she was 17, amirite?

PERSONALITY / MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

one person one week, a totally different person the next.

wants to please people, but also wants to be her own person? it’s a whole deal!

in spite of her slight icarian incident, she still hopes to maybe one day become a real musician and performer. until then, we selling records and saying ‘goodbye’ to sweet animals!

can truly flip like a switch in interactions! does love ruining things for herself! almost always feels bad after bc :\ damn :\ alright :\

i’m very bad at these sections i really hate that i always include them!

is still avoiding healthy coping mechanisms. love that for her.

favorite movie is, unironically, the bee movie. favorite horror movie is cats.

SO GOOD at memorizing random lines or trivia. could probably recite literally all of who’s afraid of virginia woolf? other than that?? her memory is so bad. hate drugs for that :\

she uses her hair to express herself! (that sounds really boring.) ...she uses her hair to express herself!

but no. seriously. wears the black shag weave the most, followed by the blue/yellow combo ( we stan the badlands aesthetic ). occasionally forays into other colors and styles when money permits, but it’s usually gonna be one of those two!!

was an envy on the coast stan in high school which makes an inappropriate amount of sense.

will go out and steal the dumbest shit when she’s drunk. has a history of stealing chickens.

once again: hate that i always include these!! feel free 2 j consult the personality parts in the quick facts!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

ok we gonna list some general ones for right now! all are open to multiple people unless there’s an asterisk by it!

close friends –– moonie, teagan,

ride or die

childhood friends –– moonie,

bad influence ( mutual or her on them ) –– veronica ( mutual ),

good influence ( them on her ) –– presley, hayden, gabrielle,

exes ( can be from high school or something like that if based in springhill, can be from 20s in new york if based in new york )

fwb –– trent,

will they, won’t they –– presley,

someone who knew her music ( can be neutral, a fan of it, or hate it afhkjsl ) –– presley, moonie, teagan, indiana, 

will also possibly be sending in some wanted connections for things that are! more specific!

truly anything!! also up to brainstorm and/or look at yours if you have them!!

UPDATE: i have created a wc page so we luv that for me.

OK. like this or hmu if you’d like to plot!

#springhillintro #DONT WORRY THERE'S A TL;DR I. DIDNT KNOW WHEN TO STOP. #also!! am gonna leave the ooc post up for a few so i have reference for who liked it bc i must!! #depart for about an hour and a half and i do not want!! to forget!! y'all idk what im doing today.

[cosmicloveastro]

Billie Eilish: Music Queen of 2019

Only entering into her adult life in a few days, Billie Eilish has accomplished a lot before her 18th year around the Sun. Just this year, at age 17, she was awarded New Artist of the Year and Favorite Artist in the Alternative Rock category by The American Music Awards as well as Billboard's Woman of the Year. She is also the youngest artist to be nominated for all four main categories for the upcoming 2020 Grammy Awards (and potentially the youngest ever to win Album of the Year as well). So how did this anonymous homeschooled Los Angeles girl go from posting tracks on SoundCloud to partnering with Apple Music in only 4 short teenage years? Before I dive into the astrology behind her success, I'll start with a summary of her unanticipated rise to fame.

Billie Eilish began singing in choir at age 8, (when Pluto reached her Midheaven by transit) and writing songs with her brother at age 11 (when Pluto reached her Sun by transit), but this Sagittarius superstar took aim for the spotlight back in 2015 when she was only 13, recording the song "Ocean Eyes" in October that year. She posted the track on SoundCloud on November 18, 2015, unaware of just how successful she was about to be. The song quickly blew up online, and she followed up by releasing a music video and a dance video to the song in 2016, gaining her a significant following. Exactly a year after the release of the original recording of "Ocean Eyes" on SoundCloud, she re-released the song through Darkroom and Interscope Records, and then in August of 2017 she released her debut EP Don't Smile at Me through Interscope Records. Following the release of the EP, she went on her first tour (the Don't Smile at Me Tour, which sold out within a minute of announcing) for the month of October that year.

In February of 2018 she began the Where's My Mind Tour, which also sold out extremely fast, and came to an end in April that year. She continued to release hit singles throughout the year, and in November of 2018 she was featured on the 2018 Forbes 30 Under 30 list - at age 16. On March 29, 2019, Eilish released her hit debut album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? which entered at number one on the Billboard 200, making her the first artist born after the year 2000 to have a number one album in the USA. In April 2019, she began her When We All Fall Asleep Tour, which just recently came to an end last month. Only last week she appeared with the great Alicia Keys on the Late Late Show to perform a chillingly beautiful piano duet of her song "Ocean Eyes."

So now that you're caught up on the highlights of her career, let's look at Billie Eilish's birth chart. Here's an image of her natal chart below.

One can't help but notice her stellium in Sagittarius in her 10th house surrounding her Midheaven right off the bat. Eilish clearly embodies the fun-loving Sagittarius spirit, and because of that stellium placement, Sagittarius is the strongest sign in her chart by a landslide. Her Sagittarius planets are very powerful and highly elevated in her chart, including the Sun, Venus and Pluto, making them very important, and indicating fame, success and a strong reputation. Venus being so close to her Midheaven as well, with Venus being the ruler of her 3rd house of siblings, immediately nods to her brother, writer of the song “Ocean Eyes” which contributed so much to Billie’s success. She probably views her brother as a bit of an authority figure, someone she looks up to, because of this Venus placement in the 10th house. Jupiter is also majorly influential, being the ruler of her 10th house/Midheaven as well as her Sun and the traditional ruler of her Ascendant. Not to mention it's exalted in Cancer (a friendly sign for Jupiter) in her natal chart. Jupiter is also her most benefic planet, due to the fact that she was born during the day.

Jupiter transits have consistently been some of her biggest moments in her career so far. Jupiter was making an exact trine to her Midheaven on her 13th birthday, which was the year she recorded "Ocean Eyes" and posted it online. Jupiter was opposite her Ascendant when she released the music video for the song on YouTube, and then formed a trine to her Moon and a sextile to her Pluto when she released the dance routine video later on. When she released her Don't Smile at Me EP, Jupiter was trine her natal Uranus and making a sextile to her 10th house Venus and Pluto. Jupiter had just entered into her 10th house of recognition when she was placed on the Forbes 30 Under 30 List in late 2018. Then when she released her debut full-length album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? Jupiter was conjunct her 10th house Midheaven/Sun conjunction, which was when her major fame really kicked in and she became the first artist born after 2000 to have a number one album in the USA. Jupiter and Venus were both conjunct her natal Midheaven/Sun conjunction recently when she was nominated for six Grammy awards as well as crowned 2019 Billboard Woman of the Year.

Despite the fiery Jupiter-influenced Sagittarian overload in her chart, she does have a few water and air placements. She even has an earthy Capricorn Mercury, and I definitely would call her writing style a blend of light-hearted upbeat Sagittarius humor with a darker Capricorn twist. In fact, speaking of her writing, notice that Venus, the ruler of her 3rd house, the house that rules communication and writing, is placed in her 10th house with her Midheaven. She writes music as a way of venting, a form of therapy (note that her 5th house ruler, the Moon, is in her 12th house of the subconscious mind), but it’s gained her significant success as well. Venus also represents music and singing, and she’s clearly gained recognition through her lovely voice. Venus also rules her 8th house which is often called the house of death as well as the house of other people's resources, so with Venus being in her 10th house of publicity and public reputation, she incorporates deeper darker meanings into her growingly popular music. Major issues she has brought up in her music include climate change (the resources of the earth), teenage suicide, and living with depression. Her reputation is also tied into her 5th house of creativity, because Jupiter, the ruler of her 10th house is in her 5th. She has built a reputation surrounding her creative self-expression in music as well as with her dancing abilities, and though she aims against sexualizing herself, she may develop a reputation as a bit of a flirt due to her natal Jupiter being in the 5th house of romance.

I found it interesting also that Eilish’s Mercury and Saturn are in mutual reception, meaning they are in each other’s signs of rulership, so they help each other out. Mutual reception is very similar to a conjunction aspect. It’s interesting though because while Saturn is in her 4th house of home and family in Gemini, Mercury is in her 11th house of friendships and audiences in Capricorn, meaning she considers her fans to be a part of her family, and her family to be a part of her fan base. The two areas blend together, which is interesting because her family is a huge part of her music career - her brother Finneas was the one who wrote “Ocean Eyes” as I mentioned earlier, and he also co-writes with her, produces her music, and performs with her during shows. Her musically talented parents encouraged her to pursue music in the first place, and they've become very important to her career by taking up positions to help her manage her life and her fame. Mercury also rules her 7th house of relationships, so her relationships are very blended with friendships. She’s still pretty young, so it’s hard to tell right now, but she, like many Aquarians (her Moon placement), may choose friends as lovers over other people or strangers, and may “friendzone” potential matches if she doesn’t already have a sturdy friendship with them. I also think that Saturn being in her 4th house brings a bit of restriction or maybe that Saturnian sense of stern discipline to her household. One verse that I keep catching in her song “Bad Guy” goes like this, making me think maybe her parents didn’t always approve so much of her odd style choices or even how she expressed herself in her music…

“My mommy likes to sing along with me

But she won't sing this song

If she reads all the lyrics

She'll pity the men I know”

She has a few planets in her 12th house as well, including her modern planetary ruler, Neptune, and the Moon, another important placement in any birth chart. Interestingly enough, Neptune represents movies, cameras and glamour, so it’s no surprise that as a Pisces Ascendant, she enjoys photography and videography, and is credited as the mastermind of her artistic music videos. A 12th house Moon in Aquarius may also contribute to her mental health as well. She states in interviews that she has dealt with depression her whole life, and has always been a "melancholy person." A detached Aquarius Moon in the 12th house is a bit of an unfortunate placement as far as emotional health goes, causing depression and difficult-to-identify emotional reactions. She mentioned in another interview regarding her songwriting that she writes lyrics from the perspective of different characters, which is fitting to me because the 12th house rules escapism and fantasy, which is what her songwriting seems to be to her, a fantastical escape. Her Moon rules her 5th house of creative ideas, so her creative ideas seem to come from her own fantasies. These 12th house placements, as well as her watery Cancer Jupiter, Pisces Ascendant and Mars combination, all contribute to her need for mystery in her appearance as well. In interviews, she claims to wear oversized clothing as a way of distracting people from her physical body, or as a method of “self-defense” as she calls it. In an interview with Vogue Australia, she states, “I never want the world to know everything about me. I mean, that’s why I wear big baggy clothes. Nobody can have an opinion because they haven’t seen what’s underneath...And I want to be mysterious.”

Well, don’t worry Billie, you’ve got that down. Pisces Ascendant people tend to have an aura of mystery around them at all times to begin with. They blend easily with their surroundings, and are very adaptable to change. Though with a 12th house Moon, she likely feels more safe and secure when she’s physically more “hidden” from view. In addition, her Mars, being the ruler of her 2nd house and placed in the 1st house, creates a need for security that, as a result, alters her physical appearance. Hence, the baggy clothes, and often large sunglasses too, as a style choice for the benefit of her own comfort. This Mars placement could also indicate making money off of her style choices and appearance, which she does through her partnership with Siberia Hills, and she’s mentioned in interviews that she’d like to design shoes (interestingly as well, Neptune and Pisces also rule the feet).

Billie Eilish is a unique case of superstardom, which is what makes her chart so fascinating to me. Her powerful 10th house placements make her a prime example for fame in a birth chart. She made a name for herself online using her own (and her brother's) musical/songwriting talents, rather than performing covers of other artists' songs. She rose to worldwide fame incredibly quickly, and at a very young age, as few celebrities are lucky enough to do on their own. Her songs are undeniably catchy and unique, and with the help of her fans and her family, I'm confident that Billie will go on to do great things with her talents and career, including winning a few Grammy awards at the 2020 ceremony coming up next month!

#billie eilish #pop #music #astrology #astrologer #astrology reading #astrology readings #witchblr #witchy woman #witchy #witch #astro witch #astrology blog #cosmic witch #cosmic love astrology #cosmic love #me #mine #fame #famous #celebrity

[simonjadis]

Anon I’m ASSUMING that these are from the same person; apologies if they are not

I would say that my feelings are similar to yours, but not quite identical ...

Disney’s handling has been imperfect, and some of the mistakes have been made the highest level (I know that people give Kathleen Kennedy a hard time, but if rumor is to be believed, some of the interference that made IX kind of weird came from higher than that)

for example, Kennedy said in an interview that she tries to find people who just make big, successful movies to make sure that these are also big, successful movies. I can understand that as being a safe bet from a business stand point, but that’s not the same thing as finding someone passionate about very specifically telling good, new Star Wars stories, which we did not really get in the Sequel Trilogy

(one of the most common theories that I saw from TLJ apologists was that people didn’t like that it was new/different than what they were expecting, which was really not the issue for me or my friends. Also it was just a speedrun of parts of Episodes V and VI)

I think that I’m “too close” to Star Wars to see it as a financial asset rather than a beloved universe full of characters and stories that I adore, but I don’t think that “literally just rehash the Original Trilogy for two movies and barely acknowledge any other part of Star Wars until IX” was a good idea

Rey deserved her own story. and Luke deserved to not be retroactively robbed of his

as for George Lucas, I do think that years of backlash over the Prequels sucked the fun out of it for him. Also, who doesn’t want four billion dollars? it was a sweetheart deal for Disney, of course

the sad thing is that this meant the end of Clone Wars, because Disney took one look at Lucasfilm’s budget and was like “OH NO YOU CANNOT SPEND THAT KIND OF MONEY ON A CARTOON” which is why Season 6 was paid for by Netflix and why Maul: Son of Dathomir was a comic

I love Star Wars Rebels and I’m not trying to knock the show at all, but the budgetary difference was palpable. Clone Wars did have it a little easier because of the Clone Troopers (all having the same face), but on Rebels, you notice that 90% of the Imperials are the same guy wearing a hat with his visor obscuring most of his face. market scenes show just a few people (but plenty of Storm Troopers)

the designs of the main characters -- Ezra, Hera, Sabine, Zeb, Kallus, Thrawn, Kanan, etc -- are great and loving and detailed and most of those change a little over time, but there’s a reason that we only see so many planets on Rebels. look at the huge armies and crowds in Rebels. my friend @drunkkenobi​ is the first who pointed out to me that in Clone Wars, you sometimes see lines of ships (Space Traffic) and each ship in line will be unique, distinct from the others

it’s not Rebels’ fault that they didn’t have that kind of budget. that’s also why their space battles (and space ships) never quite look right. meanwhile, for Clone Wars, if they wanted a particular scene or ship that went over their planned budget, all that they had to do was ask Uncle George

eccentric billionaires funding expensive media isn’t necessarily the most sustainable model for storytelling, but it sure worked out well for Clone Wars and for The Expanse

(Jeff Bezos personally called up the head of Amazon Prime programming, who had already been considering acquiring the extremely good but expensive show, and was like “hey the cast from this show is at a thing where I am, I’d love to just tell them that their show is saved, give me it?” and we saw as many new locations in Season 4 as we did in the first three seasons)

but streaming -- where you actually get money directly from customers who then, through their activity on your platform, show you exactly what they want to see aka what is keeping them on your platform -- offers a new opportunity for high quality genre media. remember, scifi and fantasy were EVERYWHERE in the ‘90s and the early aughts, and then because too expensive for regular TV unless they had huge audiences. only through streaming do we have these new Star Treks, The Witcher, and the real possibility of a new Stargate series

why do I bring up streaming? because

The Mandalorian goes to show that Disney can 100% do good Star Wars. Rebels was good, despite its budget, but can you imagine how much better it would have been if it had aired on Disney+

as with the DC movies (three of which are good and I’m also excited for Birds of Prey), the solution to the our-movies-made-a-lot-of-money-but-aren’t-strictly-speaking-good is literally just “let the people who do the cartoons make the movies”

and now we’re getting a final, seventh (half) season of Clone Wars! twelve episodes looking better than the show has ever looked!!

if you’re like me, you probably thought to yourself “gee, only 12?” and, cynically, you figured that it’s a trick -- announced at ComicCon in 2018 to build up the first wave of hype for Disney+

and it is ... but it 100% worked on me, I signed up for Disney+ and will pay anything for Clone War

my HOPE is that this is a test run to see if people really like high-quality animated Star Wars stories enough to continue with it. there’s only so much clone wars that one can cover (my suspicion is that we will see Ahsoka fake her death during Order 66 in these eps, so yep, that’s the end of the Clone Wars right there)

imagine a well-written series with everything that Clone Wars had in terms of content and visual quality, but it’s set after Episode IX. to my frustration, IX ends with effectively the same worldstate as VI which essentially means that nothing much happened in the Sequel Trilogy. but imagine a series set after IX. we could see a new set of (Force-wielding) characters. we could see Rey, Finn, Poe, and Rose during some episodes. Rose could finally get to do something that’s not an insulting fool’s errand (she deserves so much better!!!!!)

we don’t need a new Big Scary Empire/First Order thing, just organized crime and pirates and Hutts and bounty hunters and individual planet systems going to war as the characters try to assemble a NEW New Republic (gods I hate the unchanged worldstate)

now, I know that Star Wars Resistance is not ... reassuring. this is the only screencap that I have from it because I couldn’t get into it. it’s not the animation (I enjoyed Tron Uprising and Iron Man: Armored Adventures and this is the same kind of deal), but three things:

-I watch Star Wars for the Force primarily; other stuff can be cool but I need the Force

-I will never care about ships racing and really I don’t care about an individual ship flying; I’m a Command Ship kind of space nerd

-apparently the writing doesn’t improve much during the first season. people tell the main character to not do something, then he does it, and disaster ensues. that’s ... it’s fine, it’s fine to exist as a show, it’s just not for me

obviously, not all Star Wars media is for me, but when something -- like TLJ or the Sequel Series as a whole (even though VII and IX are enjoyable) or Resistance -- disappoints me, I would never accuse it of “ruining Star Wars”

Star Wars is a whole franchise. the breadth of canon isn’t all wiped away by some disappointments. was the MCU ruined by Age of Ultron? no. it was a bad movie but from the same franchise that gave us The Winter Soldier and Thor Ragnarok. hell, Dawn of Justice doesn’t “ruin” Wonder Woman or Aquaman or Shazam. bad movies aren’t contagious

for the past several years, the Entitled Dude crowd has felt empowered. they were radicalized in the altright/redpill/MGTOW/meninist/nazi/gamergate/comicsgate/etc spheres of the internet and now they just have a reflex where they see any sort of representation and decry it as “SJW,” which they also seem to think is a bad thing

in the same way that well-meaning people on tumblr can get radicalized into being antis/puriteens, people with certain vulnerabilities on reddit or youtube can get sucked into a world that tells them that they are the default and that other people existing is “political” in media and in real life, and that people being upset by outright cruelty towards them is both funny and means that the cruel person is the victor. they need therapy and studios need to not listen to them

unfortunately, sometimes there are movies that are bad despite having things like solid representation. Ghostbusters 2016 was a delight, but my friends and I with whom I saw TLJ (all of us queer feminists) left the theater angry. we’ve bitten our tongues a lot (even if it seems otherwise) because publicly criticizing the film too often leads some incel monster to chime in with agreement, and we’re just like

the redpillgate crowed et all is a natural ally of conservative white evangelicals, even though the former group is generally made up of New Atheists (the short version is atheists who hold socially conservative views because racism/misogyny/transphobia benefit them without using christianity as an excuse). it’s kind of like how terfs will side with conservative hate groups because, though they’re natural enemies, they both despite trans people just for existing

unfortunately, when you’re looking at who went to see a movie or who hated it, not everyone posts with an ID card saying exactly their demographic. which is only going to make studios like Disney even more nervous about including queer content in Star Wars and in the MCU (I mean real queer content with characters whose names don’t have to be searched on a wiki)

that was a bit of a tangent, but yeah. sorry if I missed anything

#star wars #clone wars #anon #ask #anon ask