#i probably should edit this more but. Its Late And Im Tired and might not have time tomorrow. so uh. enjoy. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jiamour · 4 years

Text

piano, practice & peptalks

pairing: chenle x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 5.9k

summary: chenle is the pianist for your senior year production of high school musical and he always stays late to help you practice

alternatively: chenle make heart go woosh

a/n: i wrote this a year ago so it may not be great,, he’s a shy boy in this im sorry,, but if people can write jeno as a bad boy all the time i can have my shy boy chenle so,,,, also i tried to edit it but i got tired of reading it over and over so its still a mess

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“start on four okay, i’ll count you in,” chenle instructed, nodding his head like he was confirming your next actions to himself. he hadn’t even glanced in your direction, his eyes fixated on his hands that laid on top of piano keys.

you were sat on the floor, a pointless rolled up and crumpled script in your hands, and just like chenle your eyes were glued to the movement of his hands against the piano. “one,” his fingers mechanically moving, nodding along to the beginning melody you both had heard at least a thousand times in the last hour. “two,” you were starting to get nervous again, maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea to ask the most musically gifted human to probably ever exist to help you practice for a school play. it was just another under budgeted, high school musical rendition of “high school musical” after all, because your school lacked any ounce of originality. “three,” you took a breathe in, flopping out the lines in your hand so you could easily see, cringing at the noise. “four,” his eyes moved to you, still playing the basic tune, checking to see if you were going to start on time. which, sadly, was a rare occurrence. you tried your best to listen to his cue breathily beginning, “it’s funny-“ “nope, again,” he stopped you immediately, almost ruthlessly. you kicked your feet lightly against the stage, humming in disappointment. “but chenle, whyyy?” it came out in an unintentional whine. he laughed humorlessly, shifting his body so it was facing you, a hand running through his hair. he still had a smile on your face but you were sure it was more from annoyance than happiness. his hand dropped from his hair so he could look you in the eyes, though you could swear he was looking right passed you instead “you were off key, if you kept going, the whole song would have been wrong and we’d be wasting time.” “it seems like we’re wasting time anyways,” you mumbled under your breathe, frustrated, breaking the “eye contact”. you let your head droop towards the ground as you played with the half empty water bottle beside you. “hey,” his loud voice was so much softer now clearly noticing your frustration. he leaned forward on his bench his elbows resting on his knees, hair swooped slightly over his eyelashes, “look at me yn.” you listened to him and were met with his soft droopy eyes gazing right into yours, this time making your heart skip a beat. when he got your attention he started speaking again, awkwardly moving his hands along with his words not knowing what to do with them when he wasn’t playing the piano, “i’m sorry if i’m being too tough on you, i just know you can be great and i want to see that.” you huffed not appreciating his half assed pep talk, falling back on your hands, resting them flat on the floor behind you. “sure, whatever i’ll try harder.” “no yn, that's not what i’m saying. i um- you want to be like gabriella don’t you? work hard and it’ll pay off okay?” he tried, his tone a little stressed but slightly humorous. “gabriella was late to all the rehearsals and try outs, and almost didn’t go to the performance,” your tone was empty and tired, also a little raspy from all the times it had to stop and start. chenle was taken aback for a second, or at least you thought he was, his expression morphed back into the usual small smile almost instantly. “okay then, um, don’t be like her then, be like sharpay.” “but she doesn’t get the role after working hard for years,” you fought back sternly, like this was the subject you were most passionate about in life and not like you were just happy you got to take a break from chenle telling you that you were wrong. he laughed a little, pushing himself up so now one hand was on his knee and the other was pushing the hair back out of his face. his navy blue sweater flopped open a little as he moved. “just let me have this yn, i’m trying to motivate you!” you were sure he was just as tired as you were having to play the same notes over and over, and the dim lighting of the stage didn’t make it any better. “never,” you fought back a little bite in your voice and he lazily rolled his eyes at you deciding it was best to turn away, back towards the comfort of his piano now. “we’re going again you know the count,” again without any confirmation he began playing, patronizingly calling out the number to you, and this time, just to push his buttons, you started at 3. “stop,” he muttered, before you could even get the second syllable out. “yn, you have to listen to me for the millionth time, it’s 1-2-3-4 and THEN you start singing, please stop missing the beat before i-“ he was keeping his tone low and calm but his hands waved through the air violently as he spoke, until his tangent was broken off by you laughing to the side. with the tiniest admirable smirk on his face he turned to see you giggling on the ground getting amusement from his annoyance. “you should have seen your face,” you happily expressed through your giggles making him shake his head in disbelief “my face didn’t even move,” if you didn't know better you’d say his voice was almost whining back at you. “yeah but you wanted it too. i saw twitches zhong chenle don’t lie to me!” you cut him off when he tried to interject a finger held in the air just for emphasis “there was no-“ he took a breathe knowing you were just trying to get a reaction out of him, wanting to give into your game, but wanting more to practice at the same time, “let’s just start again and no forgetting how to count this time.” “one.” ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈« “that’s not the note,” he stopped playing and instead took to guiding you through the song with his finger moving up and down in the air as if you could understand that perfectly. “listen chenle, we can’t all be literal prodigies like you,” like always you began your usual squabble with him that had started to occur almost every time you messed up. or in other words, a lot. “hate to break it to you yn,” he started, tracing his hand over a key while playfully looking into your eyes, “but it doesn’t take a musical genius to be able to sing along to high school musical, zac efron could do it for god sake” “actually zac efron didn’t sing his parts in high school musical,” chenle appeared stunned, like he did every time you said something that he didn’t know, this might not even have been true but it was nice to have rendered him speechless if only for a second. his mouth hung open cutely until he swallowed and spoke again his lips in a small pout “i should just stop using characters as an argument you thwart me every time.” “did you just say ‘thwart’?” you laughed falling forward slightly holding your stomach. he nudged you with his shoulder, looking away embarrassed but still smiling along with you ALSO speaking of him nudging you, after many many practices together chenle finally let you sit beside him on his bench. you took this as a large accomplishment. you’d only seen one person sit on his bench before during normal play rehearsal and he definitely wasn’t welcoming their presence. chenle’s best friend, jisung’s, girlfriend, craving to be liked by everyone, pushed in beside him a few days ago taking up room with not only her form but also her overwhelmingly, extroverted personality. chenle, though clearly uncomfortable, just smiled shyly and opted to show her how to play a few simple chords per her request. it took jisung constant tapping on her shoulders for about five minutes straight to finally get her away with new piano knowledge she’d surely forget seconds after. bUT besides all that, chenle had finally allowed you to sit with him, and that’s all that mattered, even if it did leave room for more nit picking and teasing. “let’s just get back to practicing,” he said through his laugh, straightening his posture. you followed his lead almost comically straightening your back to mock him which just making him laugh more. he playfully pushed your forearm to get your shoulders to fall again, “stop ittt!” you punched your arm out just enough so it missed the piano in front of you and turned your head towards chenle, “stop what chenle, this is my battle position.”

he shook his head and positioned his eyes on the piano, “i’m starting whether you like it for not, so stop fooling around.” “fine,” swiftly your arms were crossed across your chest, an over dramatic pout morphing all your other features, “you’re no fun.” “oh, so that’s how we’re going to be,” he sounded like he was challenging you and not like he had been offended by your comment. chenle cleared his throat, positioned himself and his hands like he was about to play an epic concerto, and then in one quick movement he hit a single key around the center right of the piano, “you need to be here, but you are-“ he then proceeded to smash his hands down on the keyboard to create a loud unpleasant mash of noise, “here.” “heyyy,” you kicked his foot with your own lightly “you’re a bully zhong chenle.” ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈« your eyes were locked with chenle’s as you ran through one of the musical numbers. he was sat off to the side on his piano bench which he seemed to never move from while you were up on main stage, the stage lights blinding the corner of your eyes. it was almost the end of practice and you were tired, the cast was tired, the theatre teacher was tired, but chenle, somehow he had all the energy in the world to dance mockingly off to the side moving cutely around to try to copy your actions. you probably should have been watching your step or at least watching your “co star” because it wasn’t exactly safe with all the basketballs haphazardly thrown around. but instead you couldn’t take your eyes off probably the dorkiest little piano man. “okay, okay CUT!” your teacher called from one of the seats at the back of the room, pushing herself up slightly so she appeared more in charge. the dancing and singing stopped abruptly with her words and you stumbled a little having to be caught by jaemin who happened to be beside you, you could already imagine chenle laughing at you later, “yn dear, for the love of god please pay attention to what’s going on instead of staring at chenle.” you. were. embarrassed. your eyes sunk from the teacher to the ground to chenle who was indeed laughing and back to the ground before nodding and muttering an “um i- okay, sorry.” the teacher nodded back and turned her attention to the smiling boy, “and chenle,” his expression immediately dropped and you saw him noticeably get shy and swallow “keep up the enthusiasm.” the rest of practice went smoothly, sadly with a lot less chenle dancing and a lot more actually practicing. like always you stayed later with chenle. he would always be waiting for you by his piano as you said goodbye to your friends and cast mates, sometimes he’d play to speed by time and you’d wait a little longer to go to him just to listen. but today zhong chenle wasn’t at his piano, today he was dribbling one of the basketballs that used to be a tripping hazard, across the stage. you leaned your left side on the wall beside you, your arms crossed and a teasing smile prepared on your expression. just as he was about to shoot on the flimsy basketball net some kid had taken off his driveway to help with the set, you snuck up behind him. with a light tap on his arms, you yelled a loud “boo!” causing him to drop the ball out of his hands and spin around towards you with a pout. “what was that for?” he continued to frown even as you smirked and ducked under his gaze to grab the basketball that had stopped rolling on the floor beside him. “i just wanted to show you how a real pro does it,” you said confidently a quick nod to your head and the basketball tucked under your arm. “uh huh sure,” chenle spoke sarcastically lunging forward to grab the ball out of your hands but you dodged his arms and ran a little to the side away from him “is that why it took you so many tries to get the ball in during practice yesterday?” “i just didn’t want to intimidate them with my talents, god chenle,” you moved your hand up to your head as you spoke and the ball rolled away from your grasp. quickly you scampered after it not wanting chenle to get it before you. “right, right sorry i doubted you.” he began walking to his piano again and you knew what that meant, more practicing. “let’s go over the song we stopped on yesterday, yeah?” he expected you to follow, instead you tossed the basketball weakly and it flew about 5 feet in front of you to the left side of the net. you turned on your feet hoping chenle hadn’t noticed and pretending that you had meant for that to happen: of course chenle noticed, he had his hand covering his smile as he laughed. as soon as you saw him as happy as he was, you knew you didn’t want to practice. “no,” you held your ground your feet cemented to the floor. “no?” his laughing haulted and, like the cutie he was, his head tilted in confusion. “i’m hungry” it was the first thing to pop into your head and plus, you really were hungry. somehow though you still sounded confident. “you’re hungry?” he repeated your words back slower his eyes squinting against the bright stage lights which you hadn’t turned off yet. your eyes rolled the slightest bit and your hand rested on your hip, though you weren’t actually annoyed “what are you a parrot now?” “no,” he said. “i just don’t know how to respond, you don’t have food do you?” “no,” your face scrunched “that’s why i’m hungry.” he opened his mouth to speak but you continued talking “but there are vending machines and you seem like the kind of guy to always have your wallet on you.” “i’m not buying you food.” “but chenleee,” you tried a whine and puppy dog eyes that he never fell for. “no.” “look, i’ve been rehearsing for three hours, THREE HOURS CHENLE, please give me money so i can get us something from the vending machines,” you had your hands together, ready to beg him. originally this was just an excuse but now that you thought about it you were starving and you could already hear your stomach grumbling in the near future. he stood up from his bench dusting off his knees as just a habitat, because really where would he have acquired dust? “if you can beat me in a basketball game to three, i’ll buy you food.” “you’re on,” and with that chenle lazed across the stage towards the basketball that laid just off stage and his nonchalant movements led you to believe this win would be easy even if you sucked. boy were you wrong. chenle tossed the ball to you which you caught with an oomf not expecting the strength behind it. you let him walk to center stage again before you bowed “what the fuck yn-“ “it’s for honor,” you hissed gesturing for him to do what you did “that’s not how it-“ you looked up in a glare “fine, whatever.” as soon as he awkwardly bowed you ran forward messily dribbling the ball. you heard his initial shock and then a laugh behind you and then seconds later in front of you as he swooped the ball out of your possession. “that’s illegal,” you cried chasing after him as he dribbled to the other side and easily sent it into the basket. he retrieved the ball and turned back to your slumped form smiling “no, that’s one for me.” “you’re not supposed to be good at this,” you sighed as he tossed the ball back in your direction. “come on yn” he said. “if zac efron can do it then you can too” you went to speak your finger up in the air like you were going to correct him again so he spoke faster than you, “what are you going to tell me zac efron didn’t do any of the basketball playing as well?” “no,” you bounced the ball in front of you “i was going to ask you if you only have one pep talk?” “yes i do,” he rubbed his hands together getting ready to play again, “now start dribbling so i can get 2 more points and we can go back to practicing.” “um i think you mean, i get 3 more points and we eat snacks.” “not a chance.” and with your newfound will to beat chenle you ran forward only to get the ball taken from you a second time. this time you reacted faster deciding to latch onto him in true koala form instead of going for the ball. “this-“ he tried to shake you off his back are the ball rolled out of his hands and across the stage again “is not how you play basketball.” “that’s because you’ve never seen my strategy.” “i don’t know what you hope to achieve from this strategy,” he laughed finally shrugging you off. “snacks.” you answered, “i hope to achieve snacks.” chenle won the game 3-1 sadly, after his second basket he noticed your enthusiasm withering so he “accidentally” fumbled the ball in your direction 3 or 4 times until you finally got it in. his third point was achieved about 3.5 seconds later from the opposite side of the “court” to stop you from getting too cocky. “let’s go practice now,” you groaned and stopped chenle by pulling his arm before he could go back to the dreaded piano. “please chenle, buy me snacks,” you whined trying again with the puppy dog eyes “i’ll name my first born child after you.” “well i don’t think that’s necessary-“ “i’ll mention you in my award acceptance speeches when i’m famous, you’ll be known as zhong chenle the guy who got me snacks and saved my life,” you tugged on his arm more and you could feel him relenting “fine,” he said as he took out his wallet with the hand that wasn’t being pulled by you. “thank you-“ you yelled out happily jumping away from him “but-“ he held $10 in front of you and when you went to grab it he moved it away, “you have to promise me you’ll get famous, cause if you don’t i’m marching straight up to your house and getting my money back.” “of course,” you nodded barely listening to what he said your eyes fixed on the money in his hand which you snatched as soon as he brought it near. you sprinted off down the halls to the nearest vending machine leaving chenle on stage shaking his head with a fond smile. “why did you get apple slices,” chenle asked picking up the cold green plastic they were in and plopping them back on the ground in front of him. “i didn’t know if you were a vegetarian so i didn’t want to offend you,” you responded plopping a chip in your mouth, the bag of which chenle grabbed from your hand the second he noticed. you were both sitting cross legged on the stage floor across from each other the food laying in between you.

chenle waited until he finished his chip to speak, “chips are vegetarian yn, they’re just potatoes.”

“you’re a potato.”

“that was uncalled for.”

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“we’re soaring. flying. there's not a star-” chenle mumbled through the words robotically as he played leaning forward to squint at the lyrics.

you hit him with your slightly rolled up script, “sing! when i asked you to help with the duet i meant singing.”

“i’m not singing,” chenle leaned back his hands in his lap and no longer on the piano as he shook his head.

“come on chenle if zac efron can do it you can too,” you laughed taking his stupid pep talk from him.

he turned his head in your direction amused, “from what i heard zac efron didn’t sing either.”

“not in high school musical maybe,” you said smirking, “but he did in the greatest showman, at least i think he did.”

“you’re a loser.”

“says you.”

he sighed and straightened out the sheet music on his piano, “let's start again.”

“are you going to sing?” you perked up hoping he would give in like he had for the snacks a few days ago.

“no,” he shook his head again, harder this time, like if he shook his head enough the idea would leave yours.

“please?” you were pouting and he knew it so he decided not to look at you, knowing that over the past few weeks he had been getting softer for your every action.

“no,” his tone was uncertain and you latched onto that like he knew you would.

“chenle,” you said this to get his attention hoping he would turn towards you like he usually did but again he refused his leg bouncing beside him.

your socked feet hit against his piano bench in frustration which you sat on cross legged facing him. “chenle look at me.”

this time he did but he wouldn’t meet your eyes shyly he looked down at the ground beside you. you delicately grabbed his hands from off the piano and into your own.

when you squeezed his hands a little he finally looked into your eyes and you smiled at him, “chenle will you please sing with me?” you asked softly, softer than he’d ever heard your voice before.

“fine” chenle relented, he knew if he looked into your hopeful eyes for too long he would agree but there was really no helping it.

“really?” your eyes sparkled not expecting his response and he nodded.

“really.” he cleared his throat, “but don't laugh at how much i suck alright?”

“chenle i’ll only laugh if you're really bad, don’t worry” you watched as his shy expression changed into a pout on his soft lips. then you realized you were looking at his lips. You looked back into his eyes to see him staring back at you with a look of soft wonder.

with a small cough to break the silence and to break your hands apart, you forced a laugh “i’m kidding, i bet you’re great anyways your good at everything else.”

“i can literally do two things,” he laughed. Good, you were back to your usual interactions.

“well that's two more things than me,” you fought back.

his mouth fell open like you had offended him but his eyes were still friendly, “um shut up, you can sing, you can dance, you can steal my heart,” he made a heart shape with his hands after he spoke.

“you can’t sweet talk me out of making you sing.”

“darn.”

“and who the fuck still says darn?”

“your mom?”

you hit his shoulder a little harder than usual, “zhong chenle!”

“i’m sorry it just slipped out, i didn’t mean to bring back a joke from the 2000’s,” he looked ashamed but you saw the smile twitching on his lips. jEsus stop looking at his lips.

“i just-” you placed a hand over your heart, your head turned away dramatically, “i just don’t know if we can be friends anymore after that.”

“yn-”

“no i'm leaving,” you said getting up from the bench and grabbed your bag that laid on the ground beside you.

before you could step away he lightly grabbed your wrist in his hand and gently tugged you back in his direction, “don’t leave.”

he was too soft to decline so you huffed, you shrugged your bag off again, and sat back down on the stool.

“good,” he said letting your wrist go and turning to his piano “let’s practice.”

“fine,” you agreed taking in a breath of air “but no piano this time.”

“you want me to sing acapella with you?” he asked in disbelief, doubting you would stick to this seemingly outrageous request.

“yes,” you confirmed quickly.

“okay,” chenle didn’t know why he agreed or why he agreed so easily but he knew he couldn’t back out now without another fight, “so um- how do we start?”

“not so tough without your piano huh?” you teased reaching to his sheet music and handing it to him, “first you probably need the lyrics.”

“good call,” he nodded rocking back, one hand on the bench the other holding the lyrics, and swallowing nervously.

you could see how tense he was and placed a hand over his too try to calm him down a bit, he relaxed slightly under your touch and you began to count him in “one, two, three, four.”

“we’re soaring; flying, there's not a star in heaven that we can’t reach,” his voice was so fucking pretty and he didn’t tell you this before? and for why was he being modest?? his voice was beautiful and it made your heart swell that he had agreed to share it with you and no one else.

“hey,” chenle waved the paper in your face, you blinked and broke yourself out of the thoughts you hadn’t even realized you were trapped in, “you missed your part.”

“you’re so pretty,” it came out in an over dramatic pout then you realized what you said “um- i um meant your voice is pretty.”

in typical shy boy fashion he looked away, “i um- thank you? but it would be nice if you sang next time too.”

“right, lets go again.”

“whats this?” chenle smirked tilting his head in fake confusion, “yn actually wanting to practice? was my voice that moving?”

“shut up,” you huffed and raised your fingers in a count to start again.

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“wheres yn?” jaemin asked leaning over chenle's shoulder as he did the soundcheck for the night.

“what do you mean, ‘where's yn’” he did finger quotes and his face scrunched up slightly annoyed and confused.

“i mean, wheres yn,” jaemin repeated again in the same curious tone “she’s not with the cast so i thought she’d do with you”

“what do you mean she’s not with the cast?” chenle’s voice was louder now trying to hide that he was worried about you when nothing was probably happening.

“I mean shes not with the cast-” jaemin frowned “why do you want me to keep repeating things? are you okay chenle?”

chenle ignored him and quickly finished his soundcheck going off to find you. awkwardly he went up to one of your friends spending the whole time fiddling with his fingers until they told him you had gotten nervous and went to splash some water on your face.

he spoke quick thank you and wandered down the hall to see if you were okay, hesitantly he knocked on the door “in a minute!” you called from behind it your voice shakier than normal.

“hey yn, you're on in um-” he looked down at his watch and his heart rate picked up, “literally two minutes, you good?”

“um yeah,” he heard a loud sniff as you walked over to the door and opened it.

your face was red and you brought a hand up to rub your eyes leaning on the door frame giving chenle a fake smile.

“have you been crying?”

“no,” you sniffed.

he gave you a disbelieving look and you frowned tears spilling from your eyes again, he held his arms open and you immediately fell into them, holding onto him tightly. one arm wrapped around you while his other texted jaemin to tell the teacher they may have to delay the musical a few minutes.

placing his phone back into his back pocket he brought a hand up to move down your hair calmingly as you cried into his chest.

“yn,” you hummed against him in response until he moved you back his hands on your shoulders, holding you about a foot away. he cautiously brushed a tear away with his thumb, “you’re going to do great and i’m the harshest critic in the world, you of all people know that.”

“yeah,” you sniffed again “but you like me now, so it’s not the same.”

you smiled sadly at your own comment and he smiled with you “i’ve always liked you.”

“liar.”

“okay, maybe i didn’t like you when we first met because you cut in line and took the last of the pizza,” chenle agreed, you humphed at him, a little glare in your eyes “but i liked you the second time i saw you, you know when you accidentally threw a pencil at my head, i really needed a pencil that day.”

you giggled and chenle was happy he was making progress.

“this isn’t like your usual pep talks,” you teased, biting your lip as you looked up at him.

“well after a while i learned every single character in high school musical is actually corrupt and maybe not the best people for motivation.”

“good call,” you nodded, “but you’re not even going try? i like shutting your pep talks down.”

“fine um-“ he said thinking “you can do this yn be like kelsi and sing your heart out.”

“she played piano she didn’t-“

“you get my point,” he smiled his pretty smile and you couldn’t help but smile back, “and you’re going to do great, so get on out there before they kill you and i for keeping them waiting.”

“okay.” you nodded and he let your shoulders go so you could run together to the stage where everyone was panicking, and before you parted ways you gave him a quiet thank you.

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you felt the adrenaline and pride rush through you as you finished the final number in the musical. you couldn’t stop a smile that took over your entire face from forming.

you took your bow, immediately after looked to the side hoping chenle was paying attention and there he was standing at his piano at the side of the stage giving you a standing ovation, your eyes met and he smiled so proudly.

you felt yourself lose control of your body as you ran towards him and jumped into his unsuspecting arms, your arms wrapping around his neck and your legs around his hips. it took him a second to regain his balance from the unexpected hug but once he had, he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

“you did so good,” you leaned back so you could see his face and he could see yours. he was smiling. you were smiling. god was probably smiling but you couldn’t be sure. he spun you once as you both laughed and stopped looking you in the eyes “i’m so proud of you.”

then you noticed how close his face was to yours, your eyes dropped to his lips and you could tell his did the same, your breathe was heavy from the performance as well as the close contact, chenle began to lean in and you both start laughing again. your head fell to his shoulder while you laughed together.

after a few seconds, and realizing that everyone could still see you both he put you down and shyly stepped away. his head ducking and flushed.

“i’ll um- see you later yn?” he said and you felt a little disappointed as he disappeared backstage without even waiting for your response.

you turned back around to see your friends all huddled together laughing and talking so you quickly ran back to join in.

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“what are you doing man?” jisung asked having walked backstage to see chenle with his face leaned up against the brick wall.

“kicking myself,” chenle mumbled back.

“why aren’t you with yn?” jisung asked and chenle groaned flipping around just to frown at jisung.

“because i’m stupid.”

“that you are my friend,” jisung agreed.

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you hadn’t seen chenle for the rest of that night but day 2 of performing was today and you were determined to not let him just walk away on you again.

as soon as you entered the room your eyes snapped to the piano which luckily chenle was still sat at. he wasn’t playing just shuffling through his endless sheet music so you knew you wouldn’t be interrupting anything.

quickly you moved over to him, fixing your posture so your walk was full of false confidence and authority.

“chenle-“ you tapped his shoulder and slid into the spot beside him on his bench.

“yn,” he mumbled his eyes keep flashing to your lips making it hard to think about anything but kissing him.

“what are you up to?” your voice was as soft as his and was hard to raise above a whisper just as much trapped in a daze as he was.

“oh you know just um- piano” he smiled leaning to the side and accidentally resting his arm on the keys only to bounce off when they made a loud sound. you giggled at his actions and he cursed himself for ruining the moment but it had only made you want him more.

“that’s-“ you started not sure of what to say “fun.”

“yeah its um- can i kiss you?” chenle didn’t know where the confidence had come from or even where the words had come from but they were definitely there, they had been said, holy shit.

chenle was in panic, you were going to reject him, he was going to lose you, he was going to die alone and have 50 cats, wait maybe that’s actually not too bad-

“yes,” you hummed. oh. that wasn’t what he expected.

chenle cupped your cheeks and your eyes drooped close. his heart practically fluttered out of his chest when his lips met yours and he could already feel his palms getting sweaty. he dropped his hands from his cheeks and you moved yours to wrap loosely around his neck pulling him closer but that just caused your foreheads to crash together. with a giggle from you and a groan chenle you pulled apart awkwardly placing a hand on your forehead where his had hit.

“sorry,” you laughed, your smile huge on your face and so was his, as carefree as you’d ever seen it despite the pain echoing in his head.

“no, it’s fine,” his words were slow and breathy and sounded just as smiley as he looked. “but i don’t think gabriella would have messed up like that, or zac efron.”

your mouth fell open and your hands flew to your hips “SHUT UP!!”

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chatxkilluaxnoir · 4 years

Text

I Finally Finished My TAU’s 6th Year Tauathon Fic, Yay! I’m So Tired Now. I’m Gonna Take A Break now, after...

I finish proofreading and editing that fic I have been working on for the Transcendence Zine here on tumblr. I hope they are still taking it, I have been working on it periodically while also writing at the Tauathon fic that I have been working on at the same time.

And funnily enough, I actually got that tauathon fic done first. To be fair, my tauathon fic was shorter. It is over 8, 000 words which isn't short, but it still shorter than that other fic I have been working on for the zine. Which I hope isn't too long for a zine. I haven't really participated in a zine before this. I haven't done or/& bought much zine stuff before this.

In my free time, I am for sure gonna be participating in more zines like this, not for just Gravity Falls and TAU, but other fandoms I’m in like HxH/Hunter x Hunter and Undertale to name some (some other favorite things of mine). I'm also gonna be starting to buy some more zines, probably physical, because I prefer I that. Will try being the key word, because of money, but I really want to do that.

But yeah, I haven’t really entered a zine before, so I hope my fic isn't too long for it, and that they are still taking entries. I told them I was entering, but I don't know. I have been busy writing posts, comments, replies, and most importantly fics lately that I haven't really been using tumblr and etc. a lot lately. Including going on the TAU zine’s tumblr.

Mainly in order to not get distracted and get those things done. Including the 2 TAU fics I have been working on. One for the Tauathon and one for the TAU zine. I really wanted to get those 2 fics done before going on tumblr more. And with one of the done (tauathon one), and the other in major editing/proofreading stage (the TAU zine), I have a bit more time to post and do stuff on tumblr and other places. Not much since I have a lot of posts, comments, replies, and etc. to get done, some I have delated too long, eiter out of shyness or being busy that I need to get done as well. And the TAU zine fic that needs finishing and polishing.

The funny thing is that I started that fic before the tauathon zine by quite a bit. But with actually knowing the (kinda) due date of the tauathon fic unlike the zine one (at least last time I checked. Which has been a bit. Crossing my fingers' that my fic isnt too long, and too late to enter into it. I have worked just as hard if not harder on that zine fic as the tauathon one. Which is a lot), and haven't had finished and posted it yet a few days or so that date (Oct. 5th), pushed me to get it done quicker and first. Even though I started it second.

Though, It is also taking me longer to do the zine fic, because it is longer (not by a lot, but it still is), somehow even more complicated (I will admit, both these fics are a bit convoluted. I like my complex stuff. Even though I'm also super insecure if my writing is good enough to handle want to do and write. Its fricken great.), and needs a lot of proof reading and editing to do.

Something that usually takes me just as long as writing the actual fic, if not longer. Since I’m the type of person who just plans and writes in rushes, then edits an grammar, better flow, person and pov, and etc. stuff later on. And the zine fic has a lot more weird, different formatting, povs and 1st/2nd/and/or 3rd person stuff than the tauathon, and all of those things some of the things Im most worried about getting right, consistent, or at least making sense (and being as as readable and well-written as possible).

Honestly, I would probably post more fics, if wasn't for me thinking that I really need to work on those things (as well as sometimes getting too wordy, a bit convoluted, and expositiony/explanationy with stuff. I need to be/do better with that. Need to also work on being even more natural, and also not hurting my readers brains too much or confusing them), and being more nervous about posting stuff partially because of that.

Really, I would have gotten a beta for both my fics, because I would really love the help. But the tauathon fic I just really wanted to get posted for the tauathon, and the fic for the zine, I didn't know if was allowed to let other people look it, even for beta’ing, so yeah. Plus, I didn't really know how to get a beta, at least not as quick as would like for these fics.

Anyways, maybe I should finally check out the TAU discord(s) in general, but also for getting some help and betas, because I would love such things. Also, been meaning to check out TAU discord, but I haven't been able to really use discord for awhile. But yeah, Im for sure gonna be checking it/them/TAU discord(s) out soon, because it will be great. And just want to stuff on discord in general, its been awhile.

Saying all this, Im happy I got the Tauathon fic done. I have a post down below linking it to where I posted it on AO3 if anyone wants to read it. I don’t if I shared that post and my story the right way. I see a lot of people, both posting the fic and liking other places like AO3 or/& Wattpad. But I didn't know if I should do that, or if my fic was too long to do that. So I just shared my AO3 fic here. If you think I should also post the whole fic here, and just link other places instead of (or maybe even as well) doing what I did, please tell me, I would love to know? And it wouldn't even be just for that fic though, it will be for future ones as well.

If you think I should do post the whole fic here and then link it, I will probably make another post then. Probably wont delete the original post though, because that will probably be the easier way for people to just read on AO3, plus I like that post and tags I did for it. Wish me luck on finishing that other TAU fic (for the zine) I have been working on, it is even longer and harder to do than my 1st one. The idea, format, and concept itself is just for the most part my complex, then when you the other stuff, it is even trickier.

I'm also gonna finally be checking out that TAU zine tumblr again to see if I'm not pass the due date. I admit another reason I'm putting that off, is because I feel really nervous if am actually, since I have worked on the fic for it, and think its quite good. This always happens when replying and checking out stuff for me, I sometimes get very nervous, then I feel bad because I sometimes take awhile to do such things, I have kept people waiting for awhile, which I'm definitely not doing on purpose, but I still do. Though, stuff also takes me awhile, usually because it is long and want to be really good, but still.

So yeah, I should take a break after finishing that fic, and posting something on AO3 for the 1st time, but Im not since I still have that other TAU fic to finish, which I am gonna finish, it has already been long enough. Once I'm done with it though, I'm finally taking a break, because I am really tired. This has taken a lot of energy out of me, esp. with my need to do always do stuff long and try to do it as good as possible at the time.

Alright done posting for awhile, at least until I finish my other fic, and take a break. Though, I might do some reblogs, likes, and etc. in the meantime while finishing up that fic. Though, when I say no breaks and other stuff till I get that fic done, I will probably still read some fics, watch some videos, and make some other comments/replies, because I need more variety, and I need some breaks intermittently, even if not full-on ones, because I need some kind of small breaks.

I will probably keep on writing that fic while doing most of those things, because I like to do things in long bursts, because if I don't it can be hard to finish stuff even if I want to, so yeah. Anyways, see you everyone, this was a nice and like most of all my stuff long, talk!

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comicteaparty · 4 years

Text

November 9th-November 15th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from November 9th, 2019 to November 15th, 2019. The chat focused on the following question:

How do you deal with a lack of engagement from your audience, both emotionally and physically?

IzzyNinjaMaster

Oooo now that's a good question. If my online audience doesn't respond, I personally always show any new page updates to my family and friends and get feedback and comments from them. Really great for support. But sometimes their not available or I don't have anything new to show them. When this happens, I just look to myself for support. I know that doesn't really make sense or sounds kinda cheesy but it's what I do. I get myself pumped up and excited for what I can do next in the story and how awesome it will look all drawn out. And I go from there, I'll start drawing out ideas or writing out new chapters. So just be your own hype man, not just with your comics either but with everything. Great for self esteem.

Sorry went on kind of a rant right there

carcarchu

I prepare myself emotionally to not have any expectations. If you expect nothing and receive something you'll always be happy!

IzzyNinjaMaster

Lol true very true XD

Deo101

I'm not completely sure what this question means by physically, but I just kind of keep making art to move past it. Something that has helped me a TON is to make art that's just for me (like, that I don't post anywhere). I think that if everything is made to be shared, then we get a little too used to trying to find validation with engagement. With comics, specifically, I try to make none of my goals relate to engagement. I only have goals for myself and what i'm producing. If I'm hitting all of my goals, then I feel good about what I'm doing! No one engaging with it is just kind of like "okay!" Another smaller thing that helps me is getting my work done well before I upload it! for some reason just getting a bit of time distance between when something is done and when I post it I dont feel so bad if people don't engage.

Cronaj

I'm fairly lucky that I have a small following on one of the sites I post on, so while some weeks might be slow with feedback or engagement, I'm usually not completely devoid. I also have some very supportive family members who read my comic and often comment or text me after I update. As for what I do personally when I don't have a lot of engagement? I do a lot of self-reflecting, which is probably not the healthiest of practices. I question what I'm doing, trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong and how I could improve. I also try to understand other external factors at play, such as my readers' personal lives, jobs, school, holidays, that might have delayed them from engaging with my work. For example, I know that during November, as we get closer to Thanksgiving, there is going to be a huge drop in readership, because a lot of my younger readers will be preparing for school finals and visiting with family. By knowing this, it helps me cope a lot better. And if all else fails, I vent to my fiance or my little sister. It really does help to have someone to whine at for a bit

khkddn

If I were to get completely zero engagement on something I'd do what I'd always do, message people I know irl like "validate meeeeeeee"

In general I just take a step back from what I've posted and focus on something else. That way I remember webcomics isn't everything, and by the time I check up on things again there might be some sort of audience response.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I kept my work hidden for the first few years I was working on it (wanted to iron out any wrinkles before I was comfortable sharing) so in comparison, any engagement afterward - even a tiny amount - is pretty great! And even now, some updates get more traffic than others, for a lot of different reasons. Luck, timing, quality, etc. I always keep in mind that this project is - at its heart - for me and my own enjoyment/fulfillment. And if I’m pleased with where it’s going, that’s a win.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oof, that question really hit me where it hurts. Over the years I’ve lowered my expectations, because while I used to have an active audience in the ‘00s, I’ve rarely gotten any engagement on my comics in the ‘10s. It’s definitely made me feel depressed and like a ‘failure’ to put heart and soul into my comics and art and get 0 reaction online. I honestly don’t have any way I ‘deal’ with it. I make something, hoping to get some comments > I get no comments > I get depressed about it and feel like my work is garbage. Rinse and repeat several hundred times. I keep going because I just love to create, but it’s like an actor trying to put on a performance and no one shows up to the play. It has gotten better lately and I’ve started getting some engagement for the first time in many years, but I honestly don’t have a good answer for how I handle that emotional reaction to reader silence.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Also good to keep in mind that lots of people may read without commenting, and still enjoy it! I did a poll wondering who would be interested in doing guest art, and way more people responded than I expected. It opened my eyes! Sometimes you just can’t tell until you outright ask for feedback

keii4ii

There's definitely a risk to that, though. You ask and still get nothing. Or worse, you ask and get negativity. Asking is a worthy gamble, but it takes courage! Sometimes when we don't have enough courage, we gotta find it elsewhere first, before we can try that gamble...

I lost that gamble one too many times and need more Courage Fund before I can try again, lol

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

True true! It was a gamble I had no real expectations/assumptions about, so I didn’t have much room for disappointment. Even getting one person who says “This is cool!” is enough to fuel me for days. But I know that’s not how it is for everyone. Once you’ve been disappointed once, it can take a while to get the urge to try again. I can’t imagine getting negativity, though... I think THAT would wreck me.

keii4ii

Sometimes I don't even ask and someone just randomly drops negativity off at my doorstep... I need to remember that I have also had wonderfully positive responses, that it wasn't all negative. But it can be hard to remember that on bad days.

Deo101

Yeah, negative comments always seem to be the loudest ones... They can drown out dozens of good ones if they hit you right.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I did develop a pretty thick skin for negativity in art school, which was really fortunate because my comics garnered a lot of negative attention at first. Though thinking back on it, I was making very androgynous and gender non-conforming characters (even though I never stated anywhere that they were queer) in a time when the public attitude towards such things was far less kind than it is today. At the time it was draining to get so many trolls, but unless I was already having emotional difficulties in other areas of my life, I was able to let it roll off.(edited)

keii4ii

The weirdest thing with my negativity is 99% of them come from actual readers who mean well. So I have a hard time dismissing them like 'oh they're just haters.' It's not necessarily harder than dealing with blatant trolls, but it is an entirely different beast.

Deo101

Sometimes I go and reread positive comments when I'm down about things

Yeah I'm not sure that I've had any trolls tbh... Its all readers saying what they think

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Avid readers who give backhanded compliments and ‘well-meaning’ but very subjective critique can definitely be detrimental.

keii4ii

In Korea, I dunno if they're still a thing, but 1-2 decades ago there was this type of theft called slash theft. It's a type of pickpocketing, done on the street while walking by. They bump into you, briefly and lightly, but you don't think much of it because Seoul is a crowded city and you brush against other people all the time. But during that brief bump, they manage to slash open your purse and take all the contents. It's an amazing ninja level skill for sure. I know people who had their stuff stolen that way. Back to the Courage Fund analogy, sometimes a negative comment isn't just a normal theft of your Fund. The comment slashes your purse open, and now your bag can't contain Fund even if you put more and more into it.

It can take a long time and lots of support to sew your purse back.

Deo101

Idk if other places to slash theft, im sure they do, but im pretty sure historically its been a big thing. The term "cutpurse" comes to mind

keii4ii

(:o I didn't know that was a term! The more you know)

Deo101

(some book i read (wasn't great but you know) used the term a lot and i was like "ok wtf is this")

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

That’s a very good analogy for it, and I definitely understand what you mean. I had to take a three year hiatus from one of my comics once after a IRL ‘friend’ ripped the comic apart and called me a terrible writer in less-than-kind words. I had already been going through some very bad things with my health and family and it hurt me far more than it should. It took some encouragement from some very dedicated readers to convince me to pick up the comic again.

Deo101

(so i associate it with pirates now)

That's really terrible lee... Om glad you picked it back uo though!!!

keii4ii

I can super relate to harsh comments hurting way more than they should, when you're already in a bad state. >_<

Deo101

And also it is a really good analogy keiiii

Yeah things just kinda get harder to deal with in general when you're more tired/upset in other areas

keii4ii

The most devastating feedback I've got would have done far less damage if I weren't in a fragile state at the time.

Deo101

Like you can't go be safe elsewhere if everything is a source of stress...

keii4ii

(For all we know those slashers in Korea could be pirates )

Deo101

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Does Korea have pirates? If so, I’m moving to Korea.

(Sorry, we’ve probably gone way off topic for the discussion)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I got antsy when someone made a small critique of my lettering (rightfully so, though - lettering is hard and I’m still learning) so a proper heart-stabbing, bad-faith critique might sideline me for a while. Gotta be prepared for that someday

Deo101

Its weird, it really seems to be mostly about how I'm doing elsewhere in life now that im thinking about it. Also being further along in the comic helps cause I've got years of support and "just keep chuggin" under my belt

Like the other day someone critiqued me randomly and called my characters stupid and i was like "dam ok, your comment getting deleted then" but a year or so ago a comment like "I'm sorry im a little confused..." Made me second guess everything for weeks

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Ohhh Maybe the obviously mean/troll comments are easier to deal with, than feeling you let down a reader who was genuinely trying to understand the story. I would definitely react similarly.

Deo101

Iunno, the big old critique was a normal reader who has left other comments he jusy kinda randomly did it. But yeah I think it can be easier to shrug off things that are CLEARLY antagonistic versus someone being harmlessly confused

Because confusion can mean I'm not being clear enough and need to change things and whatever. Its vague in a way that hits your anxiety

keii4ii

Yeah, when someone is obviously being a jerk, you know it's on them

omg... reader confusion has been the bane of my existence

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I dunno, man, art school just toughened me up to most negative comments. If one person out of five is confused, I don’t take it personally and just explain it to them to clear up confusion. If everyone’s confused I think ‘Hmm, maybe I should retcon in some dialogue to make it more clear’. I guess art school really teaches you to distance yourself from your work and be very objective about it. BUT as I said, I’m not immune when other bad things are going on and it becomes the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Deo101

Though THEN you kinda get like "why am I being a target???" And its very frustrating, at the very least, and it does definitely still hurt... (Wrt trolls)

keii4ii

It's hard to tell who's confused and who isn't sometimes

Deo101

Yeah Lee im in art school right now, but for me its different when I make something to be critiqued versus a passion long term project

If I am asking for critique too, im braced for it in a way I'm mentally prepared for. Im not always braced to have someone be like "its pretty good buuut..."

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Ahh, I can understand that. I guess I’m able to view my passion projects the same way I did my school projects. It took time, that’s for sure. It’s a process of desensitisation, and was something I had to build up over years.

keii4ii

I'm disproportionately sensitive about reader misinterpretations/confusion. I'm 95% sure it's because one bad experience. Someone thought my main story was garbage, but they liked parts of it, so they told me to basically make a different story using those parts. After that, every time a reader didn't recognize the main story (I got a very prominent B plot, so it's kinda understandable that some people mistake it as the A), I got vivid flashbacks of that one bad experience. Every time someone said they liked [this character that The Other Person liked], I got flashbacks. Took me good 2-3 years to get over it.

Deo101

Its also a lil different when it's like.. i wont be changing these pages so unless it's a critique for moving forward its kinda pointless and i cant really apply it

Damn keiiii that's really rough

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, that sucks.

keii4ii

Yeah, it's hard to be motivated when the underlying message is "your first 100 pages are hot garbage, but you can still improve........ even if readers will give up long before they get to the decent 101st page!"

Deo101

RIGHT...

I don't want to have to preface "check out my comic!" Wirh "i promise it gets better..."

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

COUGH That’s exactly why I’m reduxing Eryl’s hot garbage beginning right now COUGH

Also because I’m a masochist and perfectionist.....

keii4ii

I think "it gets better" is fine when it's a reader reccing it. (I remember some of my friends reccing multi-season anime series to each other, going, "it gets better after season 1") But yeah, as the author we can't be the ones saying it.

Deo101

Mhm.

And I'm still hapoy with my old pages. I know I could do them better now but they're perfectly fine and they get the job done so... Idk its just hard when someone is like "wow two years ago you made a mistake, :/"

Like. Yeah, duh... I've spent like a thousand hours on pages theres gonna be some mistakes

keii4ii

It took me a long time to realize that Flaws =/= Problems

Deo101

I'm learning and getting better youre gonna have to bare with me here

Nutty (Court of Roses)

are you kidding i still get crit on stuff i made TEN years ago

Deo101

Mhm

keii4ii

omg

Deo101

Well its not a competition

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Same, Nutty

Nutty (Court of Roses)

True sorry ;;

Deo101

Ur name just changed colors keiiii

You: flaws =/= problems Your name: im ascending

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I think...learning how to like not be bothered by negativity that much is a skill. Super freaked out one time when someone said they didn't know what's going on when reading HotV whoops

(turned out they just had to re-read a bit and it was just webcomics being webcomics)

Deo101

I had a group of readers say they were co fused and one person asked me to explain the last 2 chapters and i was like "holy shit am i being this unclear????"

Its stressful for sure

Nothjng wrong with being concerned with ut

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Keiiii has reached a new plane of existence. The blue is unrefutable proof

Deo101

Its something you're passionate about and you want to be as good as it can be

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Yeah...

Deo101

So any critique, regardless of validity will be something you WANT to consider

Which is fine and theres nothing wronf with taking things to heart like that

But also if youre Happy with it that's all that matters

You gotta be your #1 fan kinda thing

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I'm personally super uh...yeah I am having a hard time dismissing criticism

even if it's in bad faith, haha.

keii4ii

The #1 fan thing sometimes reminds me of that scene from Lilo & Stitch

The scene of Lilo's rag doll. It's been years since I watched it, so memory's a bit fuzzy, but I think all the kids were showing off their dolls, and Lilo wanted to show off hers too

but the other kids didn't like her homemade-looking doll, and it made her sad, almost not like her doll for a moment

but she picks up the doll again afterward

There are days where I relate to that. I never not-love my story and my characters, but sometimes I feel like everyone else has a low opinion of it, you know?

and I'm like lonely Lilo hugging her rag doll in the sad corner

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Yeah I totally get that and...loving what you do first and foremost is really important. I don't think in a medium like webcomics you would be able to keep going

keii4ii

I'll always love my Doll but I do wish this little corner weren't so lonely, kinda thing

Deo101

I feel that keiiii

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Hmm

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

When the ‘critique’ is detrimental it does become a problem. Like that ‘friend’ I was talking about earlier who bashed Eryl to bits. He told me to ‘read some Stephen King’ to learn how to write. I was making a high fantasy story, not a horror story. The writing of a horror author is simply not applicable to building a good fantasy adventure story. That’s when I knew he was full of shit. But the damage had been done, and I lost all motivation for the project for years.

keii4ii

uuugh, I'm so sorry that it happened to you D:

Deo101

Also this story is one that i have dropped and picked up SO many times, and its wildly changed over and over, and so i worry a lot im not making it in its final form, i suppose. I worry i started it too young, and so critique of the older parts hits that anxiety

Wow lee that's terrible...

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Gosh...

Deo101

Also you can't really compare Novel writing to comics imo. The structure can be compared but...

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I think HotV is like a project I've worked on since...2008? And it changed with me and I feel pretty confident that it's in its final stage.

keii4ii

and not every story needs to be a Stephen King story

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

But yeah, you can really not compare writing for novels to writing for comics wth

nah

tbh it's weird (I like King personally) but his stories and also his writing do have flaws too so

what

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I actually do use novels as a source to study how to construct my comics. But! Studying the right genre is important. I’ve the feeling the only books that guy read were Stephen King, so that’s the only kind of story he was familiar with.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

God when I was still developing a picture I did got featured somewhere and someone criticised the way I did knees and linked to the picture of another artist going: Hey draw knees like that

Deo101

Every story will have flaws, its impossible to make one that is perfect. Well. Its impossible to make a story thats perfect for everyone. So alk you can do is try to make a story thats perfect for you!

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Agreed, Deo

keii4ii

^ THAT REMINDS ME

Deo101

Omg

keii4ii

(going back to the original question) With no response, or negative response, one thing that helps me is hearing other people gush about their beloved unpopular stories!

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Hmmm

Deo101

!!!!!! Me too!!!!!!!!!

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I am having this problem and went to ask on twitter what ppl loved about their projects

and that's really uplifting somehow

Deo101

I LOVE reading other comics and just seeing how much passion is in them its like a light

keii4ii

I need to remember that just because someone, or even a lot of someones, thinks a story is trash, doesn't make it the universal truth

Deo101

^^^

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I WILL GUSH ALL DAY BOUT MY BELOVED UNPOPULAR STORIES and once you open that damn I am unstoppable. You will regret it, trust me.

keii4ii

And people gushing about their unpopular favorites is an excellent way of reminding myself

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

hehe

Deo101

I have been very lucky and have had a few incredibly kind people who i can remember fondly when i worry my story isnt reaching people. I Know it has touched a few lives, and if it makes even ONE person happier (even if thay person is me) then im doing my job and its worth all the time and effort.

That was kind of off topic i swear it connected in mt mind

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Absolutely

I feel it's connected

Deo101

Phew

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

bc hmm it's a way to deal with times when there is not much engagement?

Deo101

Aha! There we go yes :)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I do generally write very off-beat, unpredictable stories because I like reading / watching those kinds of things. A lot of my favourite movies bombed at the box office because they weren’t formulaic, which was what I loved about them.(edited)

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Remind yourself that there is people who enjoy what you do and who are happier bc of it C:

Deo101

Mhm ^^

Also i have my characters on a shirt so i can just wear that and be like "fuck yeah. I have a shirt. It cant be a bad comic if I've got merch babeyyyy"

Which admittedly is a very odd way of dealing with anxiety

But like.... You should get your Characters on a shirt.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

dfhwioufheuf Deo that's cool tho

I made so many like...background designs and posters for HotV and some of those I WANT ON A SHIRT

Oh I think what also helps me is to find a friend and just talk about the comic?

Deo101

The place i use lets you get up to 6 items a month as a sample order and it's severely discounted my shirt was like $15

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I should do that. I have designed some T-shirts but that wasn’t for personal stuff.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

omg

keii4ii

I'm actually in the (long) process of re-learning how to talk about my comic

Deo101

And yeah for sure having people i csn talk with/joke with about my comic helps soooo much

Like the fact that i know these 5 people will get my jokes like this

THAT helps a TON

These people actually are the reason I was confident enough to be able to start after having a bad friend drive me to almost drop the story for good

So having their support is probably one of the biggest things thst helps if no one else engages.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Okay, so on the original subject of ‘How to deal with no feedback’ I do talk about my stories a lot with my two best friends. They are my biggest fans and my sounding boards. They let me go on and on about plot threads in my comics and it’s one of the main reasons I keep going. Even when I get 0 reaction online, I still have two people who I know are reading the comic and think I should keep going.

Deo101

Or like, when my family is being homophobic about my work kinda thing. Friends are good for that...

Yessss lee having people you can talk with about it is SO good

keii4ii

ngl, I'm jelly of those of you who have go-to support friends who are genuinely into your story! That's something I hope to have some day, myself

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don’t know whether to give a sad react for homophobic family or a happy react for supportive friends

Deo101

Happy react ^^

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Still sorry about your homophobic family tho, but your friends sound awesome

Deo101

Yeah but :> I know I'm doing good work. Again those few people who i know my story has touched.. i know I'm doin good work.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

@keii4ii Just know I’ve been an acid fan of your comics for over 10 years and honestly think they’re some of the best comics I’ve ever read

AVID

NOT ACID(edited)

keii4ii

Hey acid is important too

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

GOD MY PHONE

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

hiodcnioefwe acid

love this

I have one friend who has supported me since 2007 and I can always count on her freaking out about my comics Y_Y

so when I feel especially bad I turn to her

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

My phone is old and the keyboard lags and autocorrects like AAAAARGH(edited)

Deo101

Its okay same here lee

Typo club babeyyyy

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I have to edit almost every comment I make THANKS A LOT PHONE

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

shakes fist at ur phone to be more kind

I can't type on phone at all so...

keii4ii

Yeah, swipe-typing is high level sorcery to me

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

As someone who’s normally a grammar freak it causes me great pain that my texting is a syntactical disaster.

Deo101

I've been doing swipe a bit lately so it doesn't hurt my hands to text (I Tex too much)

keii4ii

This actually makes me wonder

What are some good, safe(ish) ways to reach out to people who may be 1000% willing to become that Support Pillar for your comic?

Deo101

I just straight up start doing it

keii4ii

For all I know they exist. But.. Schrödinger's pillar

Deo101

And gague the reaction

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

As an antisocial gremlin who hides under a rock, I have no idea.

Pakky

never hurts to ask

keii4ii

@Pakky You would be surprised

Deo101

Start sharing art, see if theyre curious, get deeper if they're good with it, kinda thinf

I've got friends who like to see my art but don't really care about my comic, and you kinda just gotta take it case by case

Pakky

mm fair enough, i always try to be supportive of content creators mostly because i would hope for the same in return. theres a lot of bluntness in my industry so if you do well you get praise but if you do poorly, you very well know it :/

keii4ii

Me: "Thank you for supporting my humble comic!" (this wasn't even asking, just thanking) Reader: "Well, your comic isn't that good." Me: "?????????"

Deo101

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I’ll be honest, on the rare occasion a reader starts trying to get really close to me, my dumb brain freaks out and I put some distance in because I have Issues for days.

Pakky

thats just rude on their part

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

what

holy fuck

keii4ii

I've Been Burned

omg, that question mark react is so appropriate

Deo101

I've chatted with some readers here or there but I don't know if id wanna use them as a support pillar

I kind of have trained myself to think readers as fickle.

If they get sick of my story, theyre allowed to leave

They dont owe me their time or energy and them being here is a gift

So I'll chat and stuff and answer questions but unless someone is my friend i will not lean on them for support.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Honestly it’s happened that I’ve gad readers try to get really close or be my sounding board, and I think they were just trying to be enthusiastic and supportive but my stupid broken brain always panics and goes WARNING STALKER ALERT WARNING ABORT ABORT.

Deo101

Hey better safe than sorry

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

juppp

Deo101

I'll chat but i wont give personal information and im not gonna like, get all into spoiling everything im planning lmao.

If someone asks me a question thats a spoiler ill answer it in private

But bringing raw ideas up for help... I need very specific people for thst.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

The thing is they weren’t even being creepy or trying to get really personal. They were just very friendly and I apparently can’t handle that. ><

Deo101

The friend group i get writing helo on are all writers, and they all understand my vision. They don't write stories like mine, i dont write stories like theirs, and we all fully understand our suggestions may go unfollowed.(edited)

Also whoever put the eye emoji yeah if u have a question straight up dm me and I'll answer.

keii4ii

It's okay, your comfort is important. If you want to be more open, you can work on that. But not everyone has the same comfort level and that's okay too

Deo101

Yes! Its all about what you're comfortable with

But I've personally got a small curated group of writers/artists who all circulate our work between eachother

Which i know is very rare.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Same, Deo...helped me a lot and I also know who to turn to when I'm down about engagement

Deo101

Mhm ^^

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

(also they are all perceived better than me so I believe them if they say sth nice)

Deo101

Omg

That group of people have done SO much for me honestly. Im thinking about them. I love my friends.

Also dont worry its nit all about me they also talk about and we help their work too i wanna be sure thats clesr

keii4ii

I figured it was all mutual! but now that you've said it's not all about you I'm suddenly imagining The Cult of Deo

That is 10000000% wonderful though

Deo101

I walk in and I'm like "y'all check out this new millennium lore" and they all take their hoods off and start scouring it for plotholes

keii4ii

Whilst sitting in a circle (a magic circle to be exact)

Deo101

Of course of course

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Damn, that’s awesome! I only see my friends every few months so I dump a lot of plot on them all at once, and it’s harder for them to give really detailed critique. XD

Deo101

Oh, I do this all online

Irl I sit down with my sister and we talk for 4 hours and Lose our voices LMAO

Cronaj

Good convos literally ALWAYS happen while I'm at work

keii4ii

I'm still here

Cronaj

Good, because it made me sad when you said you didn't have a support pillar

And that readers are fickle (which can be true)

But I don't think you know how much I love your comic

keii4ii

I'm seriously honored! I still fear that maybe people are not seeing the story I'm trying to tell, and are following the comic for some other reasons (which is valid, just not what I'm trying to achieve). But hey, I'll never find out if I don't keep going, right?

kayotics

keiiii, i love your comic and i think it's beautiful in many ways, not just the art

but also, on the topic of lack of engagement... I'm pretty fortunate in that my spouse is always really supportive of my comic, so when I need a little pep talk I can always ask them

sssfrs

I’m trying to collect as much negative feedback as I can so that I’ll know my comics strengths and weaknesses and I’ll be prepared to take criticism as it comes in the future. It is pretty frustrating having no response or fanbase right now but I started my comic pretty recently and theres still time for growth

Glowbat (Aloe)

when you're collecting feedback be mindful that there's a difference between constructive criticism and people being unhelpful and simply telling you they don't like your work

the latter wont do anything but bruise your self confidence(edited)

keii4ii

Yeah, and sometimes even well-meaning critiques can miss the point too, like if it comes from someone who thinks your work should be X, when it is intended to be Y. Easy example: My previous comic was a depressing drama centering around a terminally ill young woman and her doctor, and once someone told me I "needed more fight scenes." It wasn't even an action comic! In that case, the lack of fight scenes was not a weakness. It simply meant the comic wasn't for that person.

DanitheCarutor

On the topic of lack of engagement. My answer is really boring, but I just keep working on my comic regardless of how much/little engagement it gets. I never intended or expected to have an audience to begin with since my comic has sooo many problematic elements in it, whenever I get feedback it's super nice! Always a surprise, like seeing the machine light up when winning $500 on the penny slots! (In a way, getting engagement is kinda like gambling. You post a page and you may or may not win some comments in return... Not equating real people to items to win, of course!) Admittedly, if there is a page I feel would cause reaction but I get nothing, it is a little sad. It's not the end of the world, though! I got a story to tell, and as long as I can still draw I'm content.

kayotics

i relate to that a lot, Dani. I also never intended to make the comic for anyone but me, so the fact that anyone reads it is really exciting to me.

Cronaj

@keii4ii (Potentially off-topic, but is there somewhere to read your other comic(s)? Or are they all in Korean?)

DanitheCarutor

@kayotics Every so often I look at my reader base and think "Man, there are people into this kind of stuff??" It's an almost surreal feeling.

kayotics

Yeah I get it! I wouldn’t say mines too out there but there’s so many other fantasy dnd inspired comics out there that they could read that I’m surprised they even glance at mine.

AntiBunny

How do I deal with it? Usually experience a series of emotions such as "how hard is it to leave one little comment you losers?" Then "Who am I kidding, no one is reading this, I'm creating into a void," and finally pry a few comments from people who know me personally, reassure myself that I create out of a compulsion to tell my stories even if no one's reading, and start the process all over for next week. Not exactly a healthy method I admit.

keii4ii

@kayotics There is only one Toivo out there

@Cronaj aaaa the previous one was in English. But I would not recommend it It's unfinished (though it does have more than 600 pages IIRC) and honestly really rough.

kayotics

@keii4ii true....... one weird wizard boy

Cronaj

Dang... I LOVE medical stories. I'm seriously addicted to them. @keii4ii

keii4ii

I enjoy them too and I appreciate your interest!

Cronaj

scours the internet for the lost records

keii4ii

The site layout is also broken so yeah...

I guess another thing I do is try to comment more on other people's comics, to rec them publicly, etc. Being the change I want. I don't do this as often as I want, but I think/hope even the little bit I do counts.

mathtans

Heh, I'm basically with Cap'n Lee in terms of a cycle. I think part of my issue is I won a fanfic competition in 2004, and it's kind of been downhill since. I've posted regularly to a serial site for over 4 years, accumulating 300 posts, and last month it had 100 total views... there's been 2 comments since March.

On the actual comic side though (not serial) I've relaunched it more than once, and tried to flag the more recent index as a starting point. And yeah, just hold on to the few good comments, like the guy who applauds me for continuing to post even though I only have 10 people following on Tapas.

These days, of course, I'm too darn BUSY to really think much about the lack of engagement. So one solution might be to get married and have a kid. Then you're just happy when you manage to get content out, never mind if anyone remarks on it.(edited)

Mharz

Popping here just to answer the question becos it's interesting. The lack of engagement was a bane in my existence and honestly one of the factors why I had to see a psychiatrist. My doctor told me I have self-esteem issues which leads me to seek validation from strangers. This is the first thing I work on. I have to be confident enough to not break even if nobody likes my stuffs. Which means I have to love myself first. (People prolly see me as vain at this point) Second thing I do is keep a mentality of "nobody has to care. They have things going on as well" which helps me appreciate the small percentage of people who actually took the time to engage, talk, and be friends with me. I also try to put a positive spin on it. "Nobody cares therefore I can make as much noise on my social media as I want and no one will bother criticizing becos nobody cares." If people unfollow, it's on them. It just means they're not really a fan of my work and I shouldn't waste my time. And if my mental illness is too much, then I will disconnect from the online world a bit. Treat myself. Do something fun like gaming and baking and hang out with friends IRL if possible.

Mharz

I sometimes think it's karma on my end becos I'm so vain, I rarely get interested in anything so I'm not really a fan of many stuffs so that is something I accepted as well.

AntiBunny

Perhaps being a webcomic author sort of goes hand in hand with needing validation.

MJ Massey

OH BOY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A LACK OF ENGAGEMENT?!

over the past week, I got 24 users. Granted, I didn't update, so that's probably why

So this is a four month overview of my website traffic. I hit a high of 184 unique users in August, and after that it plummeted to just barely over 100. And I hadn't really done anything different

I have never really gained a lot of traction with my comics. I'll admit that Black Ball definitely has more appeal than my last comic, so I have slowly been building an audience with it, but it's still been very slow. Sometimes it feels like I have to adhere to some extra set of rules while others can just throw up their comic on Tapas and have instant success. Of course, that's not the case at all

the key is to remember "why am I doing this? isn't it because I love making comics?!"

and to keep on pushing, keep up that hustle, and enjoy the ride. Make great content and it will be rewarding in and of itself

carcarchu

I'm not really sure it's as simple as simply throwing something up on tapas and getting instant success. there's a lot of work that goes behind every comic even if you don't perceive it

MJ Massey

well yes of course, I'm just saying sometimes it SEEMS like that

I'm a marketing professional, so I know there's a lot of stuff that goes on behind the scenes

Glowbat (Aloe)

theres, i think, a lot of factors in certain comics gaining traction faster than others that are mostly out of a creator's control. on mirror sites like webtoons or tapas you have to factor that more attention is given to certain genres and art styles over other because of what that crowd likes. if they're into slice of life romances in anime-esque styles then someone who writes fantasy mysteries in a more western influenced style may not get as much love as they deserve

its tough out there

ive been fairly fortunate to gain a steady bit of followers on tapas but on webtoons my reader engagement and subs are significantly lower

Glowbat (Aloe)

i chalk it up to the type of crowd

MJ Massey

I've been analyzing my audience and my work and have a hypothesis that my work just works better in bulk format. I think 2020 will be a year of transitioning into bulk distro instead of the page at a time format

and see if that helps. As well as some new marketing techniques and getting back into the con circuit

Kabocha

A lack of engagement... This is definitely... a topic. I feel like, sure, one's general marketability in any given platform will definitely make it easier or harder to attract an audience, but on the other hand? It's also worth making sure you kinda figure out what you want out of webcomics. Some people have been working on their projects (or existing within a fandom) for years - decades, even at this point, which can be a big boost to initial readership on a new project! Other people just have the advantage of being able to sit down and advertise, or having someone do that for them. Personally, though. I went in not expecting to get an audience, and for a long time, actively avoided even having a comment section on my site. I just enjoy making comics and creating things - and if it happens to make someone happy, that's awesome. But comics and art aren't the only thing I do in my life that make me happy, and I've found engaging other people directly about things like comic craft and resources to be about 100x more fulfilling than posting comics themselves. (And it is fun, sometimes, to gush about my OCs and how dumb they can be.) But how do I cope with it? Eh, it's honestly not a big deal to me. It feels less stressful in some regards, because the dayjob can get hella hectic, and trying to balance "OH GOD COMICS" with "OH GOD THE SERVERS NEED PATCHED ALL NIGHT TONIGHT" can be.... interesting.

(But oh god, I will admit, having someone come up to me and say, "I read your thing or used your photoshop/csp brushes" can be incredibly motivating. But other days, I have to be my own motivation, so...)

kayotics

Sometimes it’s helpful to keep a list of really nice comments or to write down memories of when someone told you they like your work. This can take a while to gather but if someone says something nice about your work, keeping it somewhere safe for a day you’re feeling bad can help boost that morale

It also helps me sometimes to think about how there’s a TON of people who never comment on things, but they’re probably regularly reading.

MJ Massey

Totally! I was building a landing page for my email subscription, and I was able to go back and find old reviews from my last comic, and it really got me pumped

Kabocha

Yeah! When I worked in a call center, the metrics on calls in -> surveys was something like... At best, you get 10% of your callers leaving surveys. And it's usually because you left an impression (good or bad). Usually the reality was at best, you'd hear back from about 2% of your userbase unless you gave them an incentive them to say something.

Mharz

re tapas and other platforms: I have to agree that certain genres really are more appealing there. I have two comics with different genres that I regularly update and the numbers are literally like night and day. It's a sad truth.

Mharz

I also love getting notifs on tapas when a person is binging my comics and liking every update. It means I got them hooked. :'3(edited)

nice reminder that there ARE people who like my comics.

Kabocha

Well yeah - even in traditional publishing, some genres generally get larger readerships than others (and higher advances) because they're more easily marketed. There's a reason why some publishers will categorize what's basically a fantasy story with romance subplots as a "romance" overall for a relatively unknown author (it's because they're more likely to attract more readers because romance is HUGE)

MJ Massey

true that

and you have to find where you audience lives as well

Kabocha

Yeah... I have some readers who only engage when they come back to catch up, which can be every 6weeks or more. Some only read when a chapter is done being posted, which is about every six months.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Re: Tapas. Yeah, Tapas especially has very particular styles and genres it likes (anime style + romance, especially BL). I posted Children of Shadow there for six months and had 20 total subs before taking it down. A while later I tried posting it on Webtoons and got 60 subs in one week. That level of engagement slowed down considerably almost immediately though, because the prologue episode is in colour and the main series is greyscale - and I discovered the hard way that the majority of Webtoons’ users do not like greyscale (I even got rating-bombed over it). My second comic is doing much better on Webtoons since it’s in digital colour rather than pencil like Children of Shadow. Each platform has its specific interests and it can be a struggle to get noticed if you’re not making something that falls into its normal styles and genres.

Glowbat (Aloe)

both tapas and webtoons really dont push their scifi comics hardly at all. Tapas' top scifi section is littered with discontinued stories (at least theyve abandoned tapas at any rate idk if theyre for sure no longer continued) which means that because i update weekly and sorta fall into a semi-anime inspired style i get some decent traffic from the small demographic who go hunting for a scifi comic

RebelVampire

That's not that surprising, tbh. Even in the realm of novels sci-fi is more of a hunt for where the audience is sometimes.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Scifi is an under-appreciated genre, imo. Unless you’re Star Wars, Star Trek or a Marvel comic, it seems like people don’t talk much about scifi.

It might help boost views if you rework your genre labels on places like Webtoons. Like, have Adventure or Drama as your main genre tag and Scifi as your secondary genre.

Glowbat (Aloe)

actually ever since avas demon went on webtoons ive been getting about 10-15 subs a week there

for a while i had listed aloe as drama first but the results werent fantastic as i think that genre has been flooded over there

keii4ii

I think sci-fi has some very prominent associations with the genre that don't apply to every sci-fi story -- e.g. the first thing a lot of people immediately think of is spaceship explody battles. So if someone sees sci-fi and they're not into spaceship explody battles, they won't read.

Glowbat (Aloe)

i may try adventure though if scifi doesnt pan out

keii4ii

Alternatively, if someone sees sci-fi and they ARE into that... and only that... they will leave once they find out the comic is not about that

Glowbat (Aloe)

thats also a good point

keii4ii

I've had similar difficulties even though fantasy is more widely accepted these days as a more varied mega-genre

People expect X, comic contains only a sprinkling of X and is about Y instead.

Glowbat (Aloe)

in my personal case, i've alienated potential readers i feel sometimes simply by having the cast be primarily lgtbq with an agender lead. but i dont regret that and im happy to have it deter people who arent down for that

RebelVampire

That is definitely true about sci-fi. Film has really biased people as to what fits sci-fi, where in reality sci-fi is a really wide genre. So a lot of stuff never gets a chance cause it confuses people.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Yooooo i feel that, glowbat. On one hand, I want ppl to know that my comic is a safe read for LGBT, but at the same time I know that announcing it as such will deter others on principle.

The Q - working on WAYFINDERS

I feel the same way. The whole cast of Wayfinders is some form of lgbt+, but we don't actually adress it much, because it's an adventure story moreso than a romance. So it's like.... how do we tell the readers it ain't straight

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Fantasy does seem to get drowned by numbers. Eryl gets about 5 new subs per update and Children of Shadow only gets 1-2, and I think they’re just getting lost in the crowd.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Two of my characters jokingly told each other their identity through bard puns, plus I keep pushing for gay ships within the story, so I'm pretty overt with my readers about it ahaha.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

@The Q - working on WAYFINDERS I’m having some difficulty with that dilemma, too. Both my comics feature large LGBTQ+ casts but romance isn’t the focus of either. It often feels like there’s no good way to bring it up naturally until the romance threads surface very far into the story, and I’m always worried about homophobes lashing out when they eventually discover the comic is G A Y

Glowbat (Aloe)

in my descriptions i describe the comic as a lgbtq+ themed scifi flat out

keii4ii

Early in HoK, one character embarks on a journey for a personal reason, and the MC tags along. I've semi-recently heard from an American friend that she didn't really get the character's reason. He wanted to take a younger family member away from a bad living situation, but to the friend, the situation didn't seem so bad. After some talking, we realized it was a cultural thing. The situation was very obviously bad to Koreans, but it didn't/doesn't seem like a far departure from the range of normal life in the US, for cultural/societal reasons. I suspect that was a big part of the reason why people kept pegging my comic as a "fun adventure romp" despite the lack of fun adventures (it has elements of adventure, but is not that as a whole). The reason for the journey seemed superficial, like the author (me) just needed an excuse to start the Fun Adventure-Filled Journey. Whereas Korean readers, back when I was publishing it in Korean, immediately understood it was an intensely personal, difficult task that the shy boy decided to accept for the sake of love.

And yeah, LGBTQ+ as a tag/ part of the description seems like a good option to me too!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

But then I’m also anxious that LGBT folks will think that’s false advertising because the characters’ labels aren’t mentioned until really far into the story (and it’s no where near that point yet). Aaaagh maybe I just overthink everything.

Glowbat (Aloe)

its really interesting to hear the difference in reception HoK gets

keii4ii

Yeah and the setting itself apparently feels different, too! To Koreans, it evokes secondhand nostalgia. But some non-Koreans have told me it feels fantastical and Ripe For Adventures

Glowbat (Aloe)

I feel you Lee- almost none of my chars have mentioned or done anything to illustrate their identities yet

keii4ii

(I also feel the need to mention, there have been non-Korean readers who got what HoK was about. Those readers mean so much to me! But I don't know if they understood that particular detail about Danbi's motivation for the journey early on.)

The Q - working on WAYFINDERS

(I'm gonna put so much lbgt+ love in the background of the story everytime they get to a new city ahahahaha >:) )

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

To me, @keii4ii HoK is very reminiscent of Studio Ghibli films because I get similar whimsical vibes. But Studio Ghibli has always been more about emotional journeys so after a couple chapters I was like ‘Ah, yes, I think this comic is about the characters’ emotional growth’(edited)

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

(muhahhaa, also just let Sallly flirt with all the ladies in the BG)

Glowbat (Aloe)

yesss flirt with ladies

MJ Massey

I'm worried that my comic is not "gay enough" to warrant the LGBT+ label. The character's sexualities have very little to do with the actual story, and one character is actively hiding their identity

The Q - working on WAYFINDERS

SAME

keii4ii

I'm aro/ace/agender and I don't really feel "LGBTQ+ enough" so I can't really use the LGBTQ+ label for my own comic, even though I know the label isn't exclusively for ownvoices stories.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I admit I’m not sure I ‘got’ Danbi’s motivations on a cultural level, but I felt like the tone being presented in that scene made it pretty clear she was in a bad situation?(edited)

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

but... we have calculated a total of 1 straight character in our whole comic.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

‘She’ as in the niece, not Danbi. XD(edited)

MJ Massey

that's what it seemed like to me too, or at least that by leaving their village they were going to a better situation

Glowbat (Aloe)

first of all- high fives keii because agender solidarity and second of all if you have chars who identify as either not straight or not cis or both rolled into one then its gay enough to have the lgbtq label

to heck with gate keepers

there are plenty of queer peeps who just want to read stories that casually include people like themselves

but if you dont feel its needed you dont have to either

MJ Massey

I guess there is a certain expectation when you say "I make an LGBTQ+ comic" of how that comic will be, and I don't want to disappoint people or set them up to expect something different

I just figure that all kinds of people exist in the world, so I should include as many different kinds of people as I can in my work

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I probs should just put LGBTQ+ labels in the descriptions and be like ‘this is genre fiction but almost everyone’s queer even though you can’t tell yet’. XD

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I use the term "LGBT-friendly" to indicate that they're present, but might not be the full focus

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I write genre stories because I’m not that into romance-centric stories myself. I want queer heroes in the kinds of stories I like to read without the entire focus being on their sordid love-lives. I just want to read about the hero who slayed a dragon to rescue his prince instead of his princess, lol.

Glowbat (Aloe)

lol im in a similar position where i'd rather see the hero befriend the dragon

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I have plenty of that in my comics, too!

There’s some nice dragons and some very-not-nice ones. XD

Glowbat (Aloe)

(im insufferable in d&d i was a bard who tried to be friends with everything)

eryl is on my lisssst <3

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

This is why I love bards

Glowbat (Aloe)

hehe

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I'm always happy when people mark their stuff as LGBTQ+ if characters are present tbh Y_Y

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Also agreed with everything said above

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

All right, now Imma definitely have to add the LGBTQ+ labels to my comics next time I do website maintenance.

Glowbat (Aloe)

yay!

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Aw ye aw ye

Join the brigade

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yiss

I feel a bit bad bc I rarely read sth that's not clearly marked as LGBTQ+ or where I know the authors are part of the community whoops

But it's mostly the fact that I consumed hetero-focused media my whole life and now I can...choose.....

the dream

Glowbat (Aloe)

heck yes

im way more drawn to stories that are marked lgbtq+

keii4ii

Don't feel bad, because seriously, even if you exclusively read LGBTQ+ marked stories? There ain't enough time in this life to read every good story that fits that bill.

There are too many good stories out there and we do need to choose.

Glowbat (Aloe)

its just nicer because then i can enjoy the story without having to worry that in the middle of it im going to get a rude wake up call from an off colour joke or somethin at my expense

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah that's true

keii4ii

Sometimes we miss out on stuff that we may have fallen in love with, but that's the name of the game, the game of not having enough time

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Webcomics feel a lot safer than other media in that regard atm

Jupp especially if you're also working on your own stories

Glowbat (Aloe)

it sucks thinking theres a bunch of stories out there that im sure id love if only i had the time or mental fortitude to sift through a bunch of others.

keii4ii

(OTL that reminds me... there is one instance of trope use in an early chapter of HoK that falls into that 'off color joke' category. I don't have any excuses for it, just 'I just thoughtlessly parroted a trope that I saw elsewhere.' I regret it and hope to figure out an elegant way to rewrite that one scene.)

Glowbat (Aloe)

i dont have the energy to be burned so often by stories that seem good and then hit me with random transphobic bs or using slurs as jokes

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, as someone who grew up in a time when no one positively portrayed queer folks in mainstream stories (and there was no internet and living out in the boonies made it impossible to discover underground cultures) I love that now I can seek out tonnes of LGBTQ stories and drown myself in the gay every day.

Glowbat (Aloe)

yesss

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

jupp ;;

Glowbat (Aloe)

man if i could give ten year old me printed copy of paranatural and turn to the pages with rj's identity being explained? that kid would have grown up way happier

living in small towns aint great for queer peeps

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Nope it’s not. I was badly repressed until honestly only 3 years ago when I suddenly asked myself why I loved reading about and writing so many gay characters. And then suddenly my whole life made sense.

Glowbat (Aloe)

im so happy for you<3

Glowbat (Aloe)

its a heck of a thing thinking back on things and realizing why you do certain things

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Honestly there were giant clues from when I was still a little kid and I can’t believe it took me so long. XD But I’m digressing from the comic talk, lol.

Glowbat (Aloe)

haha i understand what you mean

i think its why its so important for comics to be inclusive

spare some poor kids the heart ache and confusion

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yes! The internet has created such a boom for indie comics and that huge variety of voices has been so so important.

Glowbat (Aloe)

as much as comics are an art, they're extremely powerful as a vehicle for teaching and generally conveying ideas

FeatherNotes

Can i just say how happy i am that y'all are making LGBTQ+ comics that aren't just romance tho? I'm pretty indifferent and on the ace spectrum for sure, so its so refreshing that we can have a queer cast just being cool and not hurt by identities. I wish i had that as a kid

Also no shade on romance but there's def a lot and lgbtq+ isn't just for that genre

So yes yall are 'gay enough' lol

Glowbat (Aloe)

i agree! queer peeps shouldn't be squared off in romance, which unfortunately i think is a result of people's gross misconceptions

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Admittedly, I use my comics as a vehicle to work through my own issues, so there are scenes planned where the characters have to deal with transphobia or homophobia. But I will always counterbalance that with other scenes that validate the characters’ identities.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Hmhm my story also deals with transphobia and dysphoria bc I'm working through own issues. I don't think that's a bad thing though

generally I think it's pretty ok if the story is not a constant misery train

(even those can be written well, but they are usually not my cup of tea)

Glowbat (Aloe)

i think its perfectly acceptable to use comics as a vehicle for that lee

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeahh tbh

MJ Massey

there's no wrong reason to make comics/create a thing

Glowbat (Aloe)

youre a queer creator and you're working with what you know so why not

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I know focusing on queer suffering has been criticised a lot but I feel there's more nuance to it. Especially if it's a LGBTQ+ person writing about it

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah. I’m a miserable emo and I write miserable emo stories, but I try to inject some hope into it, because I think that the majority of humans are good and/or want to be good.

Glowbat (Aloe)

theres this comic called dropout that does a wonderful job exploring the grittier truths of being queer

its a fairly short read but its super good

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Hmmm, I may look that up

Glowbat (Aloe)

i can dm you the link! no pressure to read it tho

twothirty

gosh, i just want to chime in because i really relate to earlier comments around labelling comics. I'm bi, but i don't wear it on my sleeve, and my own comic has like...1 straight character. I feel like there is an expectation for comics labelled as lgbtq+ and i don't want to disappoint people who are really looking for that content to be directly addressed.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Tbh I feel many people are just happy, if there's queer characters doing cool stuff (at least that's how it's for me).

Glowbat (Aloe)

i label my own comic as lgbtq+ and the plot hardly hinges on that being the central theme

just a bunch a gay scientists and robots in space

...i swear its way more interesting that that lol

man i wish i could get more of my comic out faster so i didnt have to worry about spoiling basic things geeze

twothirty

haha im into it! Ahh, well probably a big part of it is my own insecurities, but what are webcomics for if not... for figuring out your own crap (edited)

keii4ii

I feel that X'D

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

juppp...I get the anxiety tho

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Mess of anxiety solidarity.

Glowbat (Aloe)

oof yeah

also hey while we're at it with the queer biz in here:

aro/ace/bi peeps are all gay enough full stop

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

YES

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

jupp

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

As a demi-bi dude I fully endorse that all labels are valid.

And that gatekeeping sucks and helps no one

Glowbat (Aloe)

yeah anyone who makes you feel like you dont belong under the lgbtq+ umbrella isnt doin right by you

and your comics should be allowed to be considered as queer as you want them to be

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Also all gender identities are valid and don’t hinge on having a physical transition. You’re valid as trans whether you change your body or not.

Glowbat (Aloe)

^^^

YES

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

YESS

Glowbat (Aloe)

all our experiences are valid and the comics we make because of those experience are beautiful

Deo101

Oh man I missed a huge convo, but I love y'all and it's wonderful seeing so many kinds of comics out there and seeing people make their own content

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yo, nothing "gross" about romance, and the reason people flock to it is because romance with same-gender couples and/or trans people has been treated as "deviant disorder that needs to be cured and cleaned up, or at least kept far away from polite society" for so long (and still is, in many places)

All queer stories are valid, queer characters don't need to be in a romantic storyline to count, but please let's discuss that without echoing homophobic rhetoric about queer romance being "gross", yeah?(edited)

MJ Massey

I don't think it was meant gross as in queer romance itself being gross, but more in the finding a general distaste for romance tropes and romance as a genre

but I agree, that we should be careful about implying those sorts of things with our work

keii4ii

Romance as a genre is valid too; the consensus was just that there's a lot of it, and other genres are valid too. That every genre is valid

MJ Massey

true, but people might just feel strong distaste for certain genres from a personal point of preference

it's part of what makes the fabric of human existence so fascinating, we all have different opinions, likes, dislikes, viewpoints...

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

tbh I love romance stories but the thing that disheartens me is that the queer stories people take most serious are romances

keii4ii

The pigeonholing

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Can you elaborate on that Keiiii?

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Those are the stories that get repressed and erased the most, is the thing, so it takes more effort to get them produced and shared, and that makes people extra-happy

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don’t think anyone said romance stories were gross?

Just that it’s not necessarily our jam.

keii4ii

Oh, I meant that's what people are doing when people start exclusively associating a very diverse experience/ group of people with ONE thing, to a point where the people in that group are not allowed to be anything other than That One Thing

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I was reacting to "queer peeps shouldn't be squared off in romance, which unfortunately i think is a result of people's gross misconceptions"

keii4ii

and it's a really unfair, inaccurate restriction

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Ahhhh

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

OH okay, thank you for elaborating, Keiiii. I couldn't really associate anything with the term at first!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Misconceptions are the reason queer people have been excluded from most romance for so long

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I think in that case it was more about people's misconception of queer identities being inherintly sexual and/or romantic though?

and not about queer romance being gross

DanitheCarutor

Huh, I thought 'gross' in that context was more akin to 'outlandish' or 'exaggerated', but I could be misunderstanding.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I think it means more that a lot of people fetishise queer relationships when there’s only representation in romance.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Associating "queer people being sexual and/or romantic" with "gross" is still hella dicey

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

the misconception is what's gross, not the queer people or their romance?

Glowbat (Aloe)

re: gross misconceptions :Oh! i think i said that Erin- i don't think i did a great job of explaining my thoughts on that. on sites like tapas and webtoons its fairly common for gay couples to be exploited for an audience thats less interested in representation than fetishization(edited)

MJ Massey

yes I think there was some lamenting that it could be difficult to show queer characters without an element of romance to make their identities apparent?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don’t think they meant gross as in disgusting but gross as in ‘far off the mark’

MJ Massey

because some people wanted to have queer characters but not focus on a romantic plot

@Glowbat (Aloe) I know what you are talking about I think

Deo101

Yeah, though I'd like to add on as someone who is writing LGBT romance, I get lumped in with fetishization content a lot and that is very frustrating for me, too

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

And it does take a lot of digging to find respectful representation in romance instead of stories made by and for straight people that use bad stereotypes to fetishise queer relationships.

Not that all romance by and for straight people does this.

But it’s a problem in the genre

Deo101

I work very hard to portray healthy loving relationships and people lump me in to their hatred of romance in general or categorize my work as bl or discount it for having that. It gets fetishized or dismissed an awful lot and that's very frustrating for me to see happening

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

If you want to talk specifically about something you feel is stereotypical or fetishizing, I wouldn't object to that, it's the broad swipes at all romance that become a problem

Glowbat (Aloe)

agreed

queer romance is very important to represent

i dont think anyone here would imply otherwise

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And, hey, sometimes queer writers/readers also enjoy a romance that's unrealistic or trashy or silly or melodramatic, I don't want to dismiss "all romance that wouldn't represent a healthy and respectful relationship IRL" either

Glowbat (Aloe)

very true

Deo101

Yeah, not what I was trying to say.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Idk if anyone was saying that tbh

Glowbat (Aloe)

i think our initial conversation though boiled down to that we were happy to see stories with queer people being allowed to just be people doing things that didnt focus on romance

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I'm personally very glad that we are getting a wider variety of queer romance now

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

What we were discussing earlier is more that it’s important to portray queer protagonists in all kinds of genres, instead of only romance. Which doesn’t mean romance isn’t also a valid genre.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Sure, and part of my discomfort is that queer characters have already been "allowed" to do non-romantic things in mainstream media for a long time -- it's being "allowed" to have an explicit romance that's new and different

keii4ii

^ I don't know about that. It probably depends on where you are, both IRL and part of the internet?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I never saw a queer character that wasn’t either tragic, a deviant, or the butt of a joke in media until the late ‘O0s(edited)

MJ Massey

both views are valid--it's good to both want explicit queer romance and to also just want to see queer people doing a wide range of things

DanitheCarutor

@Glowbat (Aloe) Yeah, to parrot what you said. I just chalked the convo up to seeing queer characters expand into different genres, and being happy that queer fiction is starting to be known for more than just romance.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

There was no positive representation in any genre in the media I had access to for most of my life(edited)

Deo101

It helps with the normalization of stories like that, but I also think it makes homophobes be "more comfortable" with gay stories sometimes in a way that bothers me

I have had someone say that my story is the only bl they can stand so I'm sensitive about this subject though

Cause there's a lot to unpack there

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

The "if there has to be a queer romance, at least make it awful and tragic" trope was absolutely true in my area too

yikes, I can see being sensitive about that

Deo101

Like me writing something that primarily isn't romance and just has a romance b plot is making homophobes and fetishizing people read my work and that's frustrating for me in a way I can't articulate. I'm very happy within the LGBT+ community to have these works be made but among the straight people I know it's uncomfortable when they start saying things like "oh yay finally some gay stuff that isn't romance" kind of thing

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah that makes sense

Deo101

From other gay people I get it, it makes sense and I'm the same way! Especially with the oversaturation of bl

DanitheCarutor

@Deo101 Gah I got a comment like that before, it was a weird situation because not only was it unnecessary but... TGtaHR isn't even a romance...

Thinking about it, that's actually kinda worrying.

Deo101

But it's important to remember that the LGBT+ community is a bubble and though it's safe to explore all sorts of stories here, it's not safe outside of our bubble

Or, not necessarily safe

Like a homophobe reading a gay story with an unhealthy dynamic could just bolster their bad opinions about gay people even if it's exploring it in a healthy way

I have a hard time explaining what I'm thinking and I really hope this all makes sense

keii4ii

I get you

Glowbat (Aloe)

(i get what youre saying deo <3 )

Deo101

And its not something we can really change but I think it's important to remember with regards to society at large and how our stories are percieved outside the community

Phew lol

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I get what you're saying, although in that case, the homophobe was probably going to think that no matter what, and if it wasn't the story they'd find some other "evidence"

Deo101

Yeah absolutely

And I think it's important to remember that when talking about exploring stories that have unhealthy Dynamics and things other than romance and whatnot. I don't want those things to become safe for cishets to exploit basically

Like "oh great now I don't need to write them kissing so I can access BOTH the LGBT and everyone else!"

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Ah, you mean like "the author says they're gay, so that counts as representation and LGBT people should buy this, even though there's never anything explicitly gay in the story"

right?

Deo101

Yeah

Deo101

Which again within the community I get and it's important to explore things like that for sure

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I think the important difference is, writers within the community are going to do something to indicate the queer identity, even when it's not "having an on-screen romance"

And that's something that, say, your average JKR doesn't bother doing

Deo101

Again I have a hard time explaining myself and I might be tripping over my words a bit here

Yeah that's true as well

I trust LGBT people to be navigating stories with an inherent nuance

For the most part

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

That, or (I think people were talking about this upthread) we don't advertise a story as "look at all this representation!" while the characters' identities haven't come up in the comic yet

Deo101

Yeah I know I didn't say my story was LGBT til I had the married couple kiss cause I was worried people would think I was gaybaiting

I know I'm not but it feels wrong to me like I'm trying to rally up readers kinda thing...

But also if you know you're planning to do it I feel like you can say it'll be there

I just have anxiety LOL

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

No, I get you. Even if it's definitely going to happen in the future of the comic, it'll disappoint readers if you rally them up for something that isn't there yet

That would happen with anything, not just queer identities

Deo101

Yeah I also don't tag my pages or whatever for disability if a character isn't disabled on the page

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Like if it was "read my comic for cool space battles!" when you had only posted the 5 pages of setup with characters having a chill talk in a field

sssfrs

I think what bothers me about lbgtq focused romance stories is that they’re often centered on how ~scandalous~ the relationship is and how the characters have to overcome personal biases or homophobia/transphobia as the central struggle

Deo101

I don't want the wrong audience. I mean I also could probably slap bl on my cover and I feel like I'd get a lot more readers but they're not the readers I want

sssfrs

Or at least I dont enjoy reading stories like that

Deo101

Yeah that frustrates me too, personally

But some people like seeing that overcoming idk

sssfrs

My comic has at least 2 visible prominent gay relationships but its not about romance at all

I guess thats personal preference(edited)

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I think a lot of the time you also know what intentions the person behind telling a story like that has? I have a straight aquaintaince writing BL and it's totally clear that she thinks the whole ordeal is kinda cute and endearing when it's pretty...harsh for actual queer people

Deo101

Mines got 5 and it is about romance cause I absolutely love romance and I love love, but I am overly frustrated with romance as a genre. Which is why I write my own

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I think that goes back to the "talk about a specific trope that bothers you, don't treat it like the whole genre" thing I was saying

Deo101

Yeah I think there's a lot of nuance to it that cishet people largely don't have

sssfrs

I feel like it makes the romance into a statement about how society is bad and its not interesting or groundbreaking to represent that bigotry in your media without adding something new

Deo101

I'm frustrated with the often unhealthy Dynamics and the frequency with which homophobia and transphobia are shown.

I live in a homophobic household I don't want it in my romance cause it hurts to see

But, I don't think it's bad to tackle those issues it's just hard for me personally

sssfrs

I like pairing up side characters but only 2 pairs are going to have an Arc. so far....

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I...feel for many cishet authors it's also a good excuse to not have the characters get together right away without actually thinking about why they would not for other reasons (like personality based). So there's a lot of "I'm not gay!!!" type of thing

Also totally understandable Deo :C

Deo101

Yeah absolutely.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

It’s also valid, as a queer author, though, to show characters that do have to overcome their ‘gay panic’ when they first realise they’re gay. It’s something a lot of us have gone through, but it’s important to show the comfort you finally feel in yourself when you come out the other end if it.

sssfrs

Why should fiction include all the shitty parts of real life

Deo101

I think straight people see LGBT authors tackle these issues and go "oh so I can too!!!"

And yeah this is why I'm largely drawn to sci-fi and fantasy, I get to entirely remove all the things that hurt me about reality. Dude can just use a cane and everyone is like dope

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Because sometimes fiction helps us process all the shitty parts of real life. Both happy stories that take away shit and gritty stories that acknowledge shit are valid and important

Deo101

Ppl can just be trans and it's fine

I agree they're all important

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

(I think I'm just super bitter bc here I've seen cis and straight women get awards for their queer romance stories which just hmm)

Deo101

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I agree it's a super nuanced topic

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

...I feel like you've also gotta make some allowance for bad writing. Like, maybe someone's not getting a lot of nuance in their story because their skills aren't sharp enough to handle it yet.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Agreed, Erin!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And one of the ways they'll get good enough to write better stories is by working out issues through writing the worse stories.

sssfrs

My main character is a butch lesbian gnc completely androgynous person and no one is ever going to say anything nasty to her about it

Deo101

I feel you sssfrs lol(edited)

Deo101

I thirst for gentle, nice LGBT stories. I just crave them

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I feel that. As I build Prismal and decided to include lgbt folks in it, my first thought about it was "would there be any reason for them to be hated in this society? No? Then why would I include that theme?"

Deo101

And yes it's important to delve into the harsher realities and I think it's good to use fiction to explore and work through those themes, definitely, but personally no thx

sssfrs

I like where ppl are just all expected to be pan or bisexual by default

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

heh, I literally have 2 comics and one of them is "real world where characters struggle with realistic prejudices" while the other is "fantasy world with 0% homophobia/transphobia."

Something for everyone!

sssfrs

Nice

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I’m too goddamn miserable to write such nice stories, lol. But writing gritty stories where my characters go through hell helps me process the stuff I go through in my life. But I love reading those nice stories where we can forget racism and queerphobia exist.(edited)

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

hehe...I've decided to go into some queerphobia in my next comic only bc I want to...explore historical queer spaces and the kind of space does not make sense in a world that's 100% accepting

Deo101

Yeah it's just all about that nuance babeyy

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeahhh

Deo101

I think that's also why we see so much more LGBT content of all kinds in indie media

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Absolutely

Less gatekeeping, less opportunity for homophobes to shut it down

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

No big boss complaining it’s not ‘marketable’ to be inclusive

Deo101

And I worry that mainstream stuff will be like "ohoho, so that means I can do it too" *stumbles and sets gay people back 10 years in the eyes of the general public *

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

YEEEEEEAH there’s that

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I think the mainstream is going slow enough that that's far from my biggest worry

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

But change never happens smoothly

Sometimes it goes up and down before society evolves into a better mindset

Deo101

Well yeah ofc, but even on a smaller scale of bad people reading good works it is kinda happening I feel like

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

So there’s gonna be periods of shit before being queer is faithfully represented in the mainstream

Deo101

Yeah for sure

It helps normalize things but it also can do it in an unhealthy way and it's frustrating

As in people going "yes let's include gay romance *it's just bl tropes *"

And things like that

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I think the best way to counter that is by producing & supporting more stories of all kinds -- the more complex and multifaceted a view people get, the better

Deo101

Yeah

From people who are handling those stories well, too ^^^

Which is subjective of course I know that

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Also, something nobody's mentioned that I think should come up...a lot of times you don't know who's straight/cis and who's not. Like, if it's Famous Mainstream Author JKR, you can be pretty sure, but with small-scale indie creators, how much can you tell the difference between "straight/cis artist who thinks BL tropes are how all real gay relationships work" versus "gay/bi/trans/etc artist who understands IRL fine, but it's fun and self-indulgent for them to write those tropes"?

Especially since the artist could be actively in the closet. Or could still be on their own journey of self-discovery and not know they aren't straight and/or cis yet. All the more so since indie creators are more likely to be younger than well-established mainstream standards.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s always BLATANTLY obvious to me by how they’re writing.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

How did you confirm it? Did you ask them?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Call it intuition

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I don't think it's always confirmable tho :C

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Granted, sometimes a person writes with enough nuance that I can tell they're queer, but how do you tell a straight writer from an awkward/inexperienced/clunky queer writer?

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I know a lot of authors thinking they were cishet and later on realizing they were not

and some of them wrote a lot of "yikes"

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

There’s writing patterns and use of tropes that signal whether the person is actually respectful if the queer community or not

Deo101

Also just cause you're working through things doesn't mean it's a healthy exploration that is good for the community at large

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Even if they’re queer and self-indulging, there’s a lot of tells both in the comics and in their commentary

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

tbh I think some tropes are fair to criticise no matter if the author is queer or not but there are also queer authors writing disrespectful tropes

it's not sth that I see a lot, but I've seen it

Deo101

^ yeah this

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

All questions of their writing aside, there are definitely queer people who don't respect the community IRL, either...

Deo101

Like it's not good to write glorifying rape fic of pedophilia no matter who you are or how it's helping you work through things. I mean you can write it but then to share it is something else entirely

Not saying those are common things but they're pretty very much "bad" things

And actually glorifying rape is something I do see much more than I would have expected

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

And that’s problematic, too. When you’re part of a community but not respectful of it, that’s just as bad as a straight person being homophobic. Sometimes the worst homophobia cones from within the community, but that doesn’t make it okay or healthy.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

If you share a dark story behind accurate warnings and labels, then it can reach other people who are working through something by reading it, and be avoided by people who don't.

Deo101

Yeah there's a lot of lateral agression within the community

Okay but glorification of it isn't a healthy way to work through those things it's not a dark story

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I'm not saying homophobia from within the community is okay or healthy, I'm just saying it doesn't have to indicate that the person is straight/cis.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I have a lot of dark themes in my comics. There is rape, but it is never shown on panel and never never glorified. I think it’s a subject that’s important to talk about, but I find it extremely disturbing how much it’s romanticised in fiction.

Deo101

^^^

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah...

DanitheCarutor

Huh, this convo reminds me of an article a friend sent me from someone's Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/posts/25994657 It talks about creation policing, and problematic fiction. You all proooobably won't agree with it given the direction of discussion (which all points of view are totally valid), but this whole subject is super interesting.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

All right, true, you can’t always know if an author is queer or not. I should have been more specific in whether an author has a healthy view of the LGBTQ community or not.

Deo101

So you might not be able to tell if someone is gay by their writing, but there are certain trends that gay people do not generally fall into that MOSTLY indicate someone is straight, though there's no way to know for sure.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

THAT is always obvious to me.

Deo101

And like def there are bi women who fetishize gay men, and there is transphobia and biohobia and everything within the community

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

If they’re being homophobic or just don’t ‘understand’ the queer community, I mean

Deo101

Etc etc, so even if you can't tell whether a harmful representation is written by someone who is LGBT it's a harmful representation regardless

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

^^^^This

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Yeah. I'm always very hesistant on how to address things like this

Deo101

Me too esp since I have such a hard time saying what I mean

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I'm not saying it's impossible to write harmful representation, but "this is harmful!" gets used as a cudgel against any representation, so often that I'm wary of talking about it as a vaguely-defined blanket category.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

It’s hard to articulate things clearly when in fast-paced chats like this

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah, haha

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

At least it's good for leveling people up, huh?

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

eifhiuef pfft

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Lol. ‘You levelled up talking about homophobia!’

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

(I feel we're all respectful and try to explain ourselves and give others the chance to do so too)

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

At least it's good for something??

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

(so that's good haha)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yes. Talks like this are super important to help see each others views on tricky subjects

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yeah, I feel like we're making good-faith attempts to understand each other, which...is not something you always get in internet discussions

To put it very very mildly

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

We all have our own stories and unique perspectives, and that’s important to share both in the fiction we write and in discussions with each other

DanitheCarutor

@Phin (Heirs of the Veil) The subject is pretty sticky. On one hand artists should be allowed to create whatever they like, on the other if that work can perpetuate harm for a certain community should it be allowed? There is a lot of this going around right now where people want sanitization in media, and what works of art are and are not allowed to exist. Not saying it's bad, but it is fascinating. I'm not fully getting into the convo because I'm honestly super neutral.

kayotics

I’m definitely watching the convo play out, it’s interesting to see a chat like this develop

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

yeah I'm taking notes this is not my area of expertise, and it's all good stuff to keep in mind

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I'm okay discussing & criticizing specific examples (which is probably why I keep bringing up Dumbledore...), but I don't like being critical of broad categories, because they can be so ambiguous & easily misused.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

@DanitheCarutor I think it is very hard to differentiate between people who want difficult subjects to be explored (which is valid) and people who don't want to be called out for certain kinks for example and a lot of the times stuff like "purity policing" gets used to shut legit criticism up. On the other hand there are a lot of examples of callout culture gone wild and honestly ??? Idk anymore.

Deo101

Its very frustrating

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

But I'm also at a point where I'm getting super tired of constant discourse so

Deo101

Yeah I've literally had to block words like "ace" cause it's just so often discourse from either side and I'm just so tired of it

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Plus there’s always going to be stories that help one person work through things but that are very toxic and upsetting to someone else. Just like there’s people who are toxic to one person and important to someone else.(edited)

Deo101

I've also blocked LGBT and "feminism" kinda things

I JUST see cats and memes now thank you

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Lee: absolutely, which is why accurate labels are important

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Eyyyy, it's my turn!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yes

kayotics

I think it’s important to curate your online experience, and sometimes NOT curating your experience leads to purity policing

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

HMM

kayotics

But yes tagging is really important!!!

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I think there is the creation of a lot of anxiety in what and what you can't tell in stories

Deo101

Tags are super important but also when someone doesn't think or realize they're doing something harmful they might not tag it

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Warning labels all around are always a good idea

Deo101

Like if someone is being a homophobe just cause etheyre homophobic they're not gonna tag that

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

True

Deo101

Why tag it's glorifying abuse if they think it's hot or reality and don't realize that's bad

Etc etc

kayotics

There’s definitely a lot of creator anxiety lately, I’ve had a lot of friends come to me with anxieties about not wanting to start a project they love because they’re afraid of who might attack them online

Deo101

^^^ I've been scared about this

kayotics

Me too, honestly

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Same honestly

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

There’s always the issue if ‘should harmful ideas be given a platform’ vs ‘stifling voices you just don’t want to hear’ it’s a fine line.

Deo101

I once got all in a tizzy cause I was like "oh my god my planet of women is asking a man for help"

Yeah cause some free speech silences other's

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Same

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And sometimes you get people thinking "if I label this with a warning that it contains Bad Content, the internet police will come after me," so they don't use warnings for that reason, and then it's just bad times all around

Deo101

Yeah.

And also there are things no one thinks to warn about, like some very specific triggers

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah...

Deo101

Its just all around a very difficult to navigate space

DanitheCarutor

@Phin (Heirs of the Veil) Right? People do that with anything, if it's not the "purity police" excuse it's "my style", or "I'm friends with -insert minority here-!" I don't bother with the arguments anymore since I've been pushed into them enough, I'm more into seeing opinion on general art policing, or what is and isn't allowed to exist in art. Sorry, I'm being slow at typing again.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Heck, if we're talking about actual psychological triggers, most of them are going to be super-specific

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I have a trigger for fungal growth on bodies now bc I have 3 people who either have probs with plants growiing on bodies OR funghi lol

Deo101

Ya I have a "someone watching someone else sleep" trigger which people use a surprising amount

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

...wait, Phin, now you have a trigger, or now you use a warning for it?

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

@DanitheCarutor srsly don't worry about it, haha. It's a nuanced topic and I think generalizing is pretty bad when it comes to what you can and can't portray

I use a warning for it, sorry Erin, wasn't clear

I had multiple people approach me so I warn in update posts and should probs also do it on the website

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

no worries, just wanted to be sure

kayotics

I do have an extreme phobia of needles and you’d be surprised how many news sites use active needle shots for vaccination stories

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

GOD I KNOW

I am not afraid of them but like once they are near skin

I don't wanna see...these shots

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I have a deathly phobia of vomiting and there are NEVER warning labels for it.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah I think most people don't regard it and sometimes it's hard to get everything...

a friend of mine, Eli, creates a very gory comic and they put all their warnings on their update post images

and I kinda wanna try to be similarly mindful?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

(I’m okay if it’s in a comic and off-panel or the gross part is not shown but the sound and sight are crippling for me and shows and movies just SHOW it all the time)

kayotics

That’s true. Not a vomit fan.

DanitheCarutor

Ah I've thought about using page by page TWs, and I tried it out with one page, but with the amount of triggering thing in my comic I decided on a general warning. (since almost every page would get a warning) A few of my readers also said they preferred not to see them due to possible spoilers.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Hmm...I have a list of possible triggers in my about section

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I probably should start doing that bc my comics get very bloody

kayotics

I know I’ll have a scene eventually that I’ll want to have a warning on, but I’m not sure how to warn for it without spoiling?

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I installed a spoilertext plugin on one of my comics for that! Now I can put specific warnings at the front of a storyline, and readers who don't have triggers & don't want spoilers can leave them hidden.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

OHH that's a cool idea

DanitheCarutor

Yeah, mine is like a general pop-up that you have to click on to proceed to the comic.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I’m going to have to look at that plugin. Potential spoilers are the only reason I don’t have really detailed warnings on my comics

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Here's the one I use: https://wordpress.org/plugins/inline-spoilers/

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Yeah I'll look into it too. It seems super useful.

Heck thanks Erin!

DanitheCarutor

I don't know how you could make a warning without spoilers, @kayotics! I mean, you might have to if you want to do a page specific one.(edited)

Sorry, my cat sent the message for me.

kayotics

I was thinking a page specific one for the upcoming scene.

So I’m glad that doesn’t seem weird

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I'd say super-general warnings are mostly not spoilers. A movie will say "contains graphic violence", and that doesn't tell you who's being violent, or why, or how it's resolved.

DanitheCarutor

^^^

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah, I think that's not a spoiler, especially if the comic was already violent

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah. I have warnings for things like ‘graphic violence, blood and gore, nudity, etc. But some chapters or pages probably warrant more detailed TWs.

Deo101

Yeah I'm gonna put in my a/n for a few updates before like "hey there are some spooky scenes comin' up!'

kayotics

I wouldn’t say my comic is already violent, so it’s more applicable for this one scene

Deo101

And yeah things like "watching someone sleep" is gonna be at least somewhat of a spoiler...

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

hmhm

DanitheCarutor

@kayotics I think it really just depends on the person too. Some readers like page by page TWs, and don't see them as spoilers, others are the opposite. Your readers might appreciate a warning more than mine since your comic isn't overall super graphic.(edited)

Gah I can not type today!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I put "this will get bloody" before some of the vampire storylines, not spoiler-cut -- because it's not a given, but shouldn't exactly be a surprise, either.

Deo101

I also do not mind spoilers whatsoever and I WILL spoil to anyone who asks as I've said many times, but I know not everyone is like me and spoilers are a big deal to many people

"i don't mind spoilers" i love them and they make me enjoy things more for many reasons

DanitheCarutor

Ah same! I'd love to just spill everything!

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

(Deo high five bc same)

Deo101

My people

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

tbh spoilers got me interested in many comics and I actively spoil myself

like getting into new comics and reading the updates before jumping to the beginning haha

kayotics

I’m very much the opposite

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I don't want to spoil anything, I want to keep people guessing! But sometimes you gotta.

Deo101

Yes. I get incredibly stressed about whether or not things will work out and spoilers relieve that. Even if it doesn't work out like at least I know

I get so so sooo stressed about it

kayotics

Whenever people tell me spoilers I actively like content less

DanitheCarutor

I don't mind them myself. My mom absolutely hates them, and used to make me spoil every movie if I saw it before her, so I'm pretty alright with it.

Deo101

Yeah ik many people are that way

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah I also think that's fair

DanitheCarutor

Also spoilers don't affect me either since it's not the content that means anything, but how it's used. Imo

kayotics

Usually for me it’s like. “Ok you spoiled a major character death/reveal, that’s not fun for me anymore”

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

OH yeah Kay! Tbh

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

If there's a big twist, I want to be unspoiled the first time I watch/read/etc the thing. If it's handled well, I can always rewatch it again with the knowledge.

kayotics

Because then I don’t get to experience that anymore

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

that's sth that can also ruin a story for me

kinda didn't get into the current season of CritRoll bc of such a spoiler

with comics it's kinda like...I see them on twitter, read along a few updates and then jump to the beginning so there I don't mind spoilers at all

it's more scoping out if the story's for me

Deo101

Oh man I sometimes only get into things because of spoilers LOL I know I'm weird with this but genuinely I love spoilers so much they make me comfortable with what I'm watching. I love rewatching things cause I know how it goes down and I'm not stressed by it

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I sometimes have troubles to deal with...raw emotions towards media so spoilers help me with that too

like preparing myself for it to hurt

(not always tho)

Deo101

Right yeah for sure

Even if I know it won't work out I KNOW and I don't put energy into getting my hopes up

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I hate spoilers, personally. I love going into stories completely blind or with just the bare-bones ‘genre, overall theme’ because I LOVE being shocked and surprised and have plot-twists thrown at me, so that’s what I do with my own comics(edited)

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah that's also fair. Right now my brain's not in the mood for that so I gotta play it save hehe

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I still don't like saying "here's what the Beings are" in ads or sales pitches for BICP, even though the page where it was revealed is several years old by now

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

But everyone likes different things so there’s nothing wrong with giving spoilers for your own stories if people want them(edited)

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah it depends honestly and that's pretty okay.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Everyone’s different and everyone’s valid

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I don't spoil my own story, except with artworks and mostly it's without context or cryptic enough that it's not...a real spoiler

yeah!

in that regard, it's just a huge matter of taste

twothirty

i also jump into webcomics, read them backgrounds for a bit then realized im actually into it and read it properly haha

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

hahaha yes

If I get invested without context I know it's good lol

Deo101

I don't spoil on public platforms cause I know people don't wanna necessarily see that (unless it's in an ama but I try to avoid spoilers still) but in private? I'll spill whatever tf u want like

I have and I will again!!!! Lmao

I know no one is gonna write it like me and also it's p linear so the only spoilers people really ask are Character things not plot things, anyways

So I'm not worried about theft im not doing anything super wild or original lol

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

all my favorite panels I've done are all the most spoilery ones, so... whether I share them or not, I lose

Deo101

Aw man

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

SAME

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

nooo

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

but it makes sense! I put all my effort into those moments where the story twists and turns

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Some of my fave panels or pages are when big reveals or plot twists happened

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

and it shows

so meh, I'll live

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

So I can’t share them to people who haven’t read my comic yet XD

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

luckily they don't make a ton of sense out of context, but... as soon as people start reading they might be like OHHH I know what's coming now

but it got them reading so shrug

I guess all mileage varies

Deo101

I feel like even the way I talk about my comic spoils it LMAO whoops

I'm made out of spoilers I can t hold them all in very clumsy

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

haha

I feel the same a lot

(But I also just wanna scream 24/7 about my stories whoopsie)

Deo101

I once had readers asking me to sum up a chapter caus ethey were confused and I just waited til someone else did it cause I was worried I'd spoil Something in trying to sun it up

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Linear stories are good too, though! Just reading a satisfying, well-written story is great; there doesn’t really NEED to be twist and turns for it to be food.

Deo101

Who doesn't wanna scream all the time and their stories hahahahha

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

GOOD

NOT FOOD

GAH

Deo101

Millennium is yummy yummy yum

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

...for the in-universe version of spoilers, I just had a moment of "hang on, this scene could've been way more dramatic if this one character hadn't already been given a certain reveal last chapter"

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

good food, agreed

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Normally I get away with not having a long buffer prepped ahead of time, but for once I wish I could still change this

Nutty (Court of Roses)

i spoil a lot about my characters more than i do the plot lol

i mean except their backstories sometimes

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Oh :C sometimes it's like this, Erin. Reasons buffers are good, but when do you have the time....

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I've tried putting this one on hiatus to prep a buffer, but it turns out I need the deadlines and the regular feedback to push me through making the pages...

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

oh I see. Understandable though...the only time I create real buffer is when I finish a book for print and have a deadline there.

(I wanna try to actually...get better though, since I wanna start a second comic project)

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I mean, sometimes if there's a process that works for you, you gotta just go with it and not waste energy fighting it. Even if it's not the Best or Most Professional way.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

yeah that's true. It's just frustrating when you compare the work you get done in these phases vs. every other time.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Clearly the solution is to split it up into smaller books, so you have more print deadlines!

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

haha, that might be!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I need buffers or I get super stressed. Unfortunately I also find them difficult to keep up.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Buffers are very hard to keep up. I'm running out of mine next week, whoops

But I've already started working on new pages

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I have...a half-finished, past-deadline page open in another window right now, lol

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I haven’t been able to draw for about a month, so one comic’s buffer is getting low and the other’s going to either miss this week or be late.

And I’m stressing about it. -_-

sssfrs

I’m so excited for my story to progress. I’m tempted to talk about it but when I am I think that nothing I say casually will be as impactful as just letting the story actually play out

Desnik

I deal with lack of engagement by throwing my ideas (or myself) at people. I learned that keeping secret twists as spoilers was inhibiting my growth as a writer, so instead I talk through my plots with my writing group and I often walk away with much better ideas to write

We're a kidlit/MG/YA group and I'm writing in a similar fashion, so we usually don't have to warn each other about anything we're writing, which is its own kind of freedom

if I can get the content to be good enough, and land in front of someone who'll help me take it further, then the engagement will follow

keii4ii

(This the right place?)

Deo101

Speaking of a lack of engagement, i feel like my engagement rates are incredibly low. I get a good bit, i get comments on every page and im very happy with that, but it's odd that i dont get more given my amount of readers and I wonder if some comics just aren't the kind of story people feel a need to say anything about, or what?

I think so?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

My engagement rates are... almost nonexistent.

keii4ii

I TOTALLY GET THAT DOUBT

When my anxiety is bad, it gets... really bad. "Maybe my story isn't worth commenting/ there is nothing to talk about it." I know that's just anxiety, so I try my best to not listen to that voice.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Although I think my audience is just not there? My page-views are pretty low, too, so maybe I just don’t have enough readers to comment (outside of you awesome SF perps)

PEEPS NOT PERPS

MY GOD THIS PHONE

keii4ii

Yeah, my views are fairly low too, considering the sub count I have on platforms

Come on, phone. We're not criminals. (Probably. )

Deo101

Yeah, its just weird when i have like. 1000 readers on tapas and get 0 comments i guess? I do kinda feel like my comic is very.... Its very linear its character driven and people can onky say "aw cute ^^" so much so idk what they would say

Like its legit .1%

keii4ii

hides the bloody knife

Deo101

ITS IN THE FLOWER POT!!!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I was getting about 1k daily views right after I joined SF but now it’s back down to about 100 a day, so shrugs

keii4ii

Views though, it's natural they spike like that even if you retain 100% of the people who checked out your comic!

because typically, people only go through the old pages once

so they give you more views upon first visit

Deo101

^^^

keii4ii

But I 100% understand the worry of "why do people check out my comic and decide not to read it... is there something wrong with my work"

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

On webtoons I think I have relatively good engagement for Eryl considering my low sub number. I have about 350-some subs and get an average of 1-2 unique comments per page, though that number goes up when a character dies. (edited)

That’s true! They do get kinda ‘falsely’ inflated when people binge-read archives

Deo101

Most comments i ever got is when I said "tell me your pet names"

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Lmao, I should try that

Deo101

And then outside of that when luzio and sage do something cute is the most I get like, organically just frim my content

Amas are second most comments which are again, me starting the discussion

Maybe alk my authors comments should be like "tell me about your fave color" that'll inflate my stats

keii4ii

One person told me they don't comment because everything seems so obvious, and they don't wanna be captain obvious. Which I can respect. But I don't think everything is that obvious if the most common comment I get is "I'm lost"

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Hmmmm

Deo101

Hahahahhahahahah

Like "NO PLEASE SHARE THESE THINGS"

keii4ii

IKR

Deo101

Help everyone else out!!!

keii4ii

There is a term in Korean comment section culture

"Konan" (from Detective Konan)

It's a term for commenters who explain obtuse stuff for other readers

Sometimes you'll even see comments like "Hurry up, Konans! I'm too tired to think! Spoonfeed me what happened in this update!"

Deo101

Me reading every comic ever

keii4ii

I NEED A KONAN IN MY COMMENT SECTION

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Honestly I wish western readers did that, but they either get attacked for being ‘Captain Obvious’ or people scream SPOILER!!!! at them

Deo101

I really wish people woukd expkain for me too because then i know some people get it, but ALSO i dont want to explain things i didn't show, accidentally.

snuffysam

one thing i've found that helps with engagement is making sure to include something on the page for people to talk about, no matter how relevant it is. like a while back i had a (in my opinion) fairly boring scene where it's basically "where do we gotta go" "i'm not telling" "please" "ok you gotta go here" so to give readers something to talk about i had one of the characters take a hotdog out of a pokeball and eat it.

keii4ii

There was also this incredibly, incredibly obtuse comic. It had a fascinating hook but then became almost impossible to follow. You'd see comments like "so this is the Forbidden Realm that even Konans cannot enter."

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Hahaha

Deo101

I try to make every page have something, i usually have 3 goals i want a page to accomplish but it's not very... Fun i guess? Its just kibda like "yes this happened"

keii4ii

It's also kinda sad when you DO put something important to you, and nobody says anything (or worse, says "so when is it gonna get interesting???")

Deo101

Yeah...

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

So once I spun this theory on a comic by picking it up from context clues. And I was like ‘Hey guys, what if X character is the dragon???’ and everyone was like ‘WELL DUH IT’S IN THE HOVER TEXT.’ I read comics on mobile where hover text doesn’t always work, and after getting sneered at for something ‘everyone knew already’ I was put off of ever being a Konan type again.

Deo101

I never read the hover text unless its by accident I just dont think t

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah. And it wasn’t obvious from reading without the hover text so I was really proud of myself for figuring it out. But it just goes to show how rude commenters can scare away well-intentioned ones.(edited)

keii4ii

aaaugh D:

snuffysam

tbh i'm not sure why an author would put something important in the hover text where mobile readers can't see it. or tbh in blogs, side stories, etc. if it's important to understanding the main story, it should be in the comic.

Deo101

Yeah that's what im thinking... Hover text should be for puns

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

It was revealed later that chapter in the main comic, but apparently it wasn’t a ‘secret’ like I thought it was.

keii4ii

Bleeeh, sorry that happened to you. >_< This is why we can't have nice things

Where is the nearest Konans R Us, I want to order one for each of our comics.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah... I’m very socially anxious / awkward so I’ve been scared away from quite a few comment sections. I still read the comics and buy them if they go to print, but a negative commenting experience usually discourages me from ever participating in the discussion.

keii4ii

100% understandable

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Which is why I feel it’s super important for the creators to moderate their comments (or hire a good moderator if they don’t have the time). A lot of comment sections get toxic if the author is lax about fostering a positive discussion environment.

Deo101

That makes me feel much better about the times ive asked people to cut Something out or deleted comments.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I appreciate that effort very much.

Deo101

I worry that its "disengenuous" or something and if someone has a negative opinion I don't want to be like "nope you're ONLY allowed to be nice to me!!!" But it's not good, i don't think, to let people feel safe being mean In my comments.

keii4ii

Yeah, there is being critical, and there is being mean

Deo101

So I rarely do it but I have and I don't feel any guilt over the times i have

Right

keii4ii

Sometimes a comment can tread the fine line between the two and it's really annoying that it's not Obviously, Blatantly Mean

Deo101

Yeah hahahahahhaha

keii4ii

But I try to remember that I too have walked that line unintentionally and obliviously, back when I was younger

Deo101

Right. I have too

I was like "oh man I am so smart and im about ti IMPART MY KNOWLEDGE ON YOU!!!" *Is a jerk *

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

That one comic I was talking about earlier: the author had a hard time keeping up with moderating and eventually took comments off the main site. It was 100% not her fault and she was herself getting emotionally distressed from the amount of negativity in the comments. Especially since the comic itself is really thoughtful and has a lot of messages of acceptance.

Deo101

keii4ii

>_<

Deo101

Uhh but yeah! Does .1% feel like about what y'all get as far as comments:readers goes?

.1-.2

I feel like i have no actual gague for this lol

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

It varies from comic to comic (for no quantifiable reason, usually) but that is about right. 99% of readers are lurkers.

Deo101

Dope, I was worried I had like super low numbers when talking with some people and it got me worried about my content

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Plus subs don’t necessarily translate to active readers. A lot of people just never clean out their library after they stop reading something / subbed it to read later and never got around to it or left the site entirely.

Deo101

But I've also just got a lot of anxiety about what im producing and how it's percieved in general

Yeah ik

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I can see people binging my archives from my stats but maybe 1 in 100 or less leaves any comments.

snuffysam

on average, each subscriber to my comic has posted about 45 comments total (which is like 0.07 comments per subscriber per page) if someone clicks on a page (subscriber or not), there is a 0.5% chance of that person leaving a comment.

Deo101

See for me its like. 1 in 1000 leaves a comment...

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

(It’s okay I get anxiety over it, too)

Deo101

Yeah i was gonna say uhhh whats it called

Shoot i lost mt train of thought.

Right. I feel like the longer a comic goes on tbe less frequently people engage

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, I’ve noticed that in my comics, too.

Deo101

Like less readers will have made it to the end, more will be inactive, etc

snuffysam

i've found that my active commenters take a jump in early march (i.e. right after the comic's anniversary), and any time a book ends (since, i guess people like seeing how all the stuff that's happened in the book culminates)

Deo101

Oh that's an interesting note

snuffysam

i suppose that's some other advice on increasing engagement - give a reason for even caught-up readers to leave comments. one thing i've been doing is redrawing old pages and releasing the redraws on anniversaries, which gives reason for people to re-read.

and for end of book stuff, i suppose people are more willing to predict how something is going to end when it's close to ending

Deo101

Hmmmm

I'm taking notes

twothirty

seeking validation through comments is my downfall, because i just dont seem to write a comic that has the type of readership who is into that. What helped was just looking at google analytics and being like "oh right, of course people read this, its clearly here in this data" haha.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

twothirty, same. It's kinda hard to get out of that mindset.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Raises hand I need constant reader validation and get depressed easily when there isn’t. It’s not healthy, but it’s really hard to break out of that mindset.

Deo101

Im not seeking validation through comments, but when i have thousands of readers and get only like 5 it does make me look twice and start wondering if there's something I'm doing wrong.

And yeah it's hard to break out of the mindset

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Me constantly atm haha

Deo101

Especially if you've bee. Hurt in the past and you feel like people secretly hate your work because... In the oast they have

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I wonder if it's actually...a change in how people interact with media nowadays?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oh yeah, definitely, Deo. I got so much negative feedback when I first started posting webcomics and it still sticks with me today.

Deo101

Yeah I've been lucky where people have been mostly nice to me or otherwise just indifferent which makes it so I don't have a super negative experience that my anxieties latch onto

And its STILL hard

Because words of affirmation is my love language lol

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Partly I think it was because I was creating a lot of gender-nonconforming characters in an era when that wasn’t well-accepted in Western comics (reminder that I was surrounded by a veeeery conservative environment at the time), and partly because my skills were just not what they are now. There were a lot of nasty comments from both strangers and people I knew, and it was really tough to work through. I think if I hadn’t had the Tomgeeks forum to hang out in, I probably would have given up.

(For you young’uns, Tomgeeks was a webcomic list site and we had a really tight group in the forums. A lot of that old crowd are now in Spider Forest).

Kabocha

(Sorry, saw the tomgeeks mention! I remember aspiring to be in that group one day, but I was a lil' too much of a noob back in the day.) A lot of media is kind of... Sometimes you need to put a call to action to be like, "HEY LEAVE A COMMENT!" or something - else, they forget in a lot of cases, but ofc that's no guarantee.

keii4ii

Re: people being less willing to engage the longer a comic has been going on, that is definitely a thing

I think it's called archive burn or something

and I feel it too sometimes, as a reader. I feel like I'm not "allowed" to start reading a comic unless I can find a big enough chunk of free time to finish the archive in one session

It's 100% irrational but... it is a thing

I've found that I don't experience it IRL, with physical books. The end of each volume is a really good stopping place

snuffysam

then i suppose a problem is that webcomics don't really have stopping points you can physically see like physical books like when you're reading a book series, you know where one book ends, but when you read a comic you don't really unless you check how many pages each chapter has

and even then it's hard to keep that in mind when it isn't physical

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I definitely understand that feel. It's kept me from doing a lot of the book club comics because I'm like "I got ten pages in, but that's not enough to comment" T_T

snuffysam

maybe someone could program a widget for comic sites that works similarly to the page indicators in ebooks. like "you're 40% of the way through the chapter, and at your current reading speed you have 10 minutes left"

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Comic Rocket!

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Does Archive Binge also have a feature like that?

I feel like they might... I don't use those kind of readers so I'm not super familiar with them.

snuffysam

archive binge lists what page you're on and how many pages the comic has, but there's no reading speed thing no

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don't know. I'm technically on Archive binge, but didn't get any subs there so I didn't look into it past creating my listing. I don't use those services myself because I like a nice long archive to work through, but I know that comic Rocket shows you how much of an archive you've read.

snuffysam

also, the thing i'm talking about would be for chapters as well as the whole comic. because if there is a big archive, people like to know how long they have before a good stopping point

mariah (rainy day dreams)

I'm on Archive Binge. I don't think I have any subs either but definitely get traffic regularly as if I did. How even does internet work ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

snuffysam

i guess recently updated?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I usually check out the archive page of a comic to get a good idea of chapter length, myself. So I know if I'm in for 10 pages chapters or 100 page chapters. Plus, idk, I have no problem stopping anywhere and picking it up again later, but I may be a pretty atypical reader.

Lmao, I have no idea how the internet works. I was one of the first people to list on Archive Binge and I have never gotten a single click from it. I get a steady number from Comic Rocket, though.

keii4ii

I wonder if it'd be worth experimenting with chapter numbers? Like, re-number existing chapters like "Season 2, chapter 2 of 15" instead of "chapter 20" ?

Deo101

^ thats a good idea

seeing "chapter 20" makes me as a reader go like, oh god, theres so many,,

snuffysam

^ that's one of the major reasons i label things "book X chapter Y" instead of just counting up chapters forever though adding "out of" is an interesting addition...

keii4ii

I'm nearing the end of season/ book/ whatever 2. I should give this a try

Cronaj

Lol, my books are going to be 3 chapters long each, so I don't think it would make much sense for me XD

keii4ii

Yeah, my chapters are short but numerous, so this might have a different effect than comics with longer but fewer chapters

Deo101

I'd be afraid of saying "out of" cause... well, i dont know how many heheh...

it all gets wacky when it comes time to actually make the thing

snuffysam

i mean, could add 'em retroactively as each "season" finishes

Deo101

oh thats true!

keii4ii

I would probably do "Chapter x out of [REDACTED]" (not that but something similar) when I start posting book 3

Cronaj

Yeah, my chapters are around 35-50 pages, so they're pretty long'

snuffysam

listing how many chapters are in book 3 would kinda spoil a twist lol, so i'll probably only do it retroactively

same lol

and some are 80 pages

book 3's going to have one 120 page chapter which is wild

Cronaj

I was thinking about printing 4-5 chapter books, make it more like a manga-length

keii4ii

You know, some comics (Korean comics do this a lot) do like... Chapter 10: Happy Day, followed by Chapter 11: Happy Day (2), followed by Chapter 12: Happy Day (3)

Cronaj

but full color printing is expensive

keii4ii

Dividing what might have been a single chapter into digestible chunks

snuffysam

i've split "arcs" into multiple chapters before, but unfortunately there aren't really any solid split areas in the chapter in question

Cronaj

and I doubt anybody wants to shell out $25+ on a 200 page comic

This is of course, a consideration for the future, as I don't even have the first chapter finished yet, but ya know

Come next year, I'll have some big decisions to make

@keii4ii Is that a webtoon thing? I've noticed that webtoons have shortish chapters

snuffysam

webtoons an entire chapter is posted at once

keii4ii

It's a Korean thing, which means Webtoons gets some of it

Cronaj

I mean, technically I post my comic in scrolling format, so I consider it a webtoon, but it's definitely drawn for print

@snuffysam, I mean the length of the chapters. The chapters (or episodes) are usually somewhere between 50-100 panels long, which is anywhere between 10-20 pages of a traditional comic

keii4ii

(Tangent, but as a Korean speaker I'm very weirded out by the word "webtoon" in English contexts. Over there every webcomic regardless of format is called a webtoon; I guess it's like anime/manga in Japanese? That in Japan, every animated show is anime, and every cartoon thingie is manga?)

Cronaj

Yeah, that makes sense

In the english speaking world, originally there were comics and webcomics, with little difference between except that one was posted online

but when Korean webtoons entered the English-speaking market, the naming conventions changed

The major difference being the prevalence of scrolling-format webtoons, which made people think that the difference between webtoons and webcomics is the format

but really, it's just a naming thing

You can call a comic a manga, and people expect a black and white comic in a specific style, but really, it's just a comic in Japanese

keii4ii

Yeah

Deo101

I usually just say "scroll style comic" or "page format comic" because im putting pages up on webtoons so it feels... weird to me

keii4ii

That too

IT'S A PICTURE STORY THINGIE WITH SPEECH BALLOONS

Deo101

hahahaha

Cronaj

In the end we are all just children XD

kayotics

this is really late, but i've been getting a lot more comments on my main site lately and I have no idea what I did to encourage that.

Deo101

people caught on

kayotics

That's probably all it is, but it's really surprising that my main site is the one getting more comments, since I wouldn't say it's necessarily a well built comment system? It's the native CMS comment system, and I require the first comment to be moderated

keii4ii

Does this mean I can claim I started reading Ingress before it got famous 8)

kayotics

yes

BUT, I'd say that the estimation of 1% of readers (or whatever the number was) is still accurate.

Deo101

.1% ish

kayotics

I have the most eyes on my comic over on Tapas, and while I do get a handful of comments there, it still equates to less than 1% of the total people subscribed. I'm sure there's a lot of reasons for that (like subscribers who aren't regular readers, people who quit the app, etc), but even the ratio of views to comments is pretty low.

Deo101

yeah I've been noticing that too

I have the most eyes on webtoons but I still have like. a good chunk on tapas and I think those are just more... casual sites

kayotics

yeah absolutely

Deo101

like on comicFury I have way higher engagement rates and i think that's pretty typical cause most of that audience there is also creators

kayotics

I'm sure there's some people who are pretty dedicated on Tapas, but I'd guess that there's more dedicated readers on my self-hosted site, just because they have to specifically seek out the content.

Deo101

^that makes a lot of sense to me

I know a lot of people who follow me on tapas are following 100+ other comics

and i know for SURE I wouldnt be able to take the time/effort to comment on like 10+ comics a day, assuming theyre even keeping up with all thsoe

wow yeah I just checked my list this person has over 6,000 comics theyre subscribed to, and a few have over 500

just on the first page of my readers(edited)

sooooo yeah it makes sense why engagement would be low if people are regularly reading that mant...

keii4ii

I actually rambled about this on twitter recently!

Deo101

and also makes me feel a little bit less bad when people are confused hahahahaha

keii4ii

How I thought I'd get a very small readership who are into what I'm making, but I ended up getting that very small readership PLUS a huge number of people who are just casually reading it

That first expectation was mostly based on my experience with my previous webcomic, but things were different back then. Big platforms weren't a thing, so casual readers were less common.

Deo101

yeah that's really neat

since I've only been making millennium for like... a little over 2 years and it's my first comic, I kinda just started with like 5 mirrors and was like "alright well, lets see how this goes I guess"

I had only ever read one webcomic before i literally have no idea how or why i got so convinced into making a comic

but since I was like 12 years old I was like "hm... I am going to make a comic i think." I just never did any research or tried til recently

or read any. I dont know how this happened

keii4ii

Casual readers vastly outnumbering the dedicated ones used to make me feel like I was doing something wrong, but I think that's just how the times are.

Deo101

Yeah :/ it's hard NOT to notice and feel like you're doing something wrong though.

when its like "okay i have 7,000 subs and got 5 comments" it's like ??? what am i doing WRONG

even though... its nothing wrong

it just be that way

hard to match those two ideas up though

almost went to continue this thought in an entirely different channel.

I think there is also something to be said for people not wanting to repeat a comment

like "oh someone already said what I thought so I'll just give it a thumbs up"

keii4ii

That's what upvoting is for!!!

Deo101

yup!

keii4ii

though, tfw highest voted comments are like "I have no idea wtf is going on lol"

Deo101

YEAH.

also do you ever comment on your own pages?

like not replying to people

keii4ii

I think I did once or twice, back when I actualy had relevant info and didn't have enough room in author's notes or something

Deo101

I've done it a few times, but it's usually kind of to ask questions where I can get replies

keii4ii

I have also seen a pro Korean creator post "first" on their own comic because they were tired of seeing so many of those

Deo101

I did that once LMAO

it's funny when people comment on my comic "FIRST!!!" cause i'm like. dude i get like 10 comments it's not that special to be first

but i'm happy theyre there and theyre excited its kinda cute i guess

keii4ii

Yeah, it's harmless

Deo101

and it's also nice to have people think that they have to race to be first

even though they don't

so it's kind of a nice comment to get even if it's not commenting on my work at all

keii4ii

It's kinda like hitting the like/heart button, just with more HURRY POINTS

Deo101

yeah hehe

oh i do 100% like all my own pages though

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I actually get the most commenters on Webtoons but I’m (fairly?) sure I have more readers on my website.

Deo101

on webtoons, I don't do it on tapas cause you can see i did it LOL

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I think I only ever got one First! comment and that was the only comment on that page.

keii4ii

Hey no shame in being your own #1 fan

Deo101

the one time I said "first!" was cause it had no comments on it for like a year and a hal

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oh no, I don’t like my own pages. For some weird reason I feel like it’s cheating.

Deo101

and hell YEAH! I'm my number one fan so much that i'm making a dang comic for how much I like these characters ;D

keii4ii

I don't feel bad about liking my own pages, but I rarely do it because I wait a bit before even looking at the post

Deo101

inflate your own stats its cool. all the cool kids are doing it

keii4ii

And by the time I look at it, I forget about liking

Deo101

I only do it on webtoons cause I have to manually post there anyways

so i post and its like "heres the page!" and im like :) good job me :)

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I might start doing it. XD I get an average of 5-10 likes per page so why not.(edited)

Deo101

I also rate myself 10* or whatever the max is wherever I can

keii4ii

Yeah, and TBH one like isn't gonna give you an unfair advantage anyway

Deo101

keii4ii

If you're making a dozen alt accounts to give yourself more likes, now that's a bit questionable

Deo101

yeah that would be not so good

but you're a real account who likes your work so why not!

keii4ii

Yeah!

Deo101

I also honestly kinda like to sub to my own stuff and like my pages partially to make sure it's all working right

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I should probably rate myself 10* bc both my comics got ratings-bombed at one point for really dumb reasons.

Deo101

like to see when the page goes up and everything

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

The ratings have slowly crawled back up a ways, but it’s always disheartening when people attack my comics for stupid things.

keii4ii

Oh, to go back to an earlier point about asking questions to readers to encourage commenting, I might straight up ask next week if my comic is making any sense.

Deo101

ohhhhh man i dont like swingin at that hive lol

keii4ii

I'll have to word it well because I do not want it to be a pity party

Deo101

but i mean it might encourage the people who do get it to go "yup!"

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I do straight up ask every now and then. Sometimes I’ll get a pity comment when I do and sometimes it’s still crickets.

Deo101

also I feel really lucky that I havent had anyone be like, mean to my about my work.

I feel like trolls have really gone down in popularity

keii4ii

like even right now I feel like nobody's getting it (except maybe <10 people) so..... I don't think the answers could make me feel worse

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I meant I straight up ask for comments, ugh, I misread Keiiii’s post.

I GET IT, KEIIII

I LOVE UR BABIES

Deo101

oh man, I could never just ask for comments. if I'm feeling really down I usually send it to my friends like "can i have smth nice please" I just get really anxious asking people for things

not that asking is necessarily bad I just, as a person could never do that

also keiiii I havent read it yet but it's on my list cause the way you talk about your work and what I do know of it... seems like it would really jive right with me

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I usually do it along the lines of: ‘If you enjoy this comic, don’t forget to leave a comment! Getting feedback motivates me to keep drawing!’

Deo101

oh okay thats not so bad

oh my god how are the eyes moving

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I’m shameless, you can say it

Deo101

I have too much shame probably

keii4ii

It is my anxiety moving the eyeballs

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Give me sone of your shame, it’ll even us out

Deo101

please take it

keii4ii

(anxiety with Nitro powers)

Deo101

NOOO dont be anxious im gonna love it

god that eyes shaking emoji is so great

keii4ii

ikr!

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

So fun fact- my real face eyes do that

keii4ii

I think Tatsumaki wants to see you do it

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

It’s called nystagmus and it’s super trippy if you’ve never seen it before!

keii4ii

OH, I knew someone with that condition!

I never noticed anything about their eyes (only heard about them having the condition from talking), because I never met them while wearing my glasses X'D;;

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

My eyes just RANDOMLY do it a lot and it really freaks people out XD

Desnik

I've found that comments don't matter too much, but getting a boost from someone with a big following does

and the only comments I take seriously are from people I trust, although I get it: chasing the internet numbers is fun

snuffysam

what do you mean by "comments don't matter" you mean, like, in terms of garnering popularity?

Desnik

yeah, and as validation they can be a bit fluffy too

my perspective changed when I started printing out my work as zines and got people to buy them irl, it was very eye-opening

very few people commented on them online but in person I've found out they're not bad? And one of them got me a lettering job

keii4ii

Eh, I think it's okay to have different goals. To some people, good comments mean the world, and that's totally valid to want that.

Desnik

I know, just stating my pov

keii4ii

I mean that to some people, a good comment is not just an "internet number."

Desnik

fair enough

I believe I allowed for 'good comments' as being from someone I trust

keii4ii

Me, I treasure insightful comments from anyone who's invested in my story. To each their own

FeatherNotes

I have a book that I write them down to give me a lil boost to morale when I need it! i def appreciate the time it took for someone to write something thoughtful

keii4ii

Yeah!

Capitania do Azar

Oh comments are like.. What I like the most! (not all comments are the same tho). The reason I put my story out there is so I can share it and discuss it with people and the fact that a few take some time off their day to actively tell me what they think it's what keeps me moving

eli [a winged tale]

I really enjoy comments too. I always respond to my Instagram ones but not the comic ones mostly because of platform difficulties

Glowbat (Aloe)

I love reading through all the comments- they really motivate me when I'm having a low point and need a pick me up to get goin on pages. I just wish I was better at knowing how to respond instead of just liking the comment and hoping they recieve my telepathic brainwaves of gratitude

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Replying to comments is very hard and I always have the anxiety of "ruining" it haha ;; whatever it is (the person's enjoyment of my work?? who knows)

Glowbat (Aloe)

I feel that- part of me is always nervous I'm gonna say somethin to off put them or smthn.

Though I do try my best to curate comment sections if things are looking like they're gonna get rowdy

keii4ii

YEAH, and/or sometimes you're like "this comment is Awesome and deserves an Equally Awesome reply... HOW DO I DO THAT" and get stuck in a loop

Glowbat (Aloe)

yesss exactly that

I'm not that clever and I require lots of time to come up with anything I'm confident in lol

and by the time I have something cool to say back its been like a week

keii4ii

I made a Discord icon to express my internal response in a visual form to such Awesome comments, but I can only use those on Discord

This one:

Glowbat (Aloe)

Hehe

cuteee

and also a mood

keii4ii

Sparkling tears of happiness

Capitania do Azar

I believe them

Cronaj

Man... I will admit, I barely respond to comments

And that probably sounds terrible

But I honestly don't have time to respond to every comment

As well as the anxiety of not know what to say

It does depend on platform tho

keii4ii

I mean, as a reader I don't expect a reply if my comment is like "ooo nice!"

Cronaj

Generally, I respond more readily to comments on Tapas than on Webtoons, because I only have like 2 commenters at most on Tapas

And usually it's readers who ALWAYS comment, so I almost feel like they deserve a response, even if it's just a smiley face or a "thank you"

keii4ii

But if I've written a long ass essay comment, it would be nice to have some kind of engagement with that. Don't get me wrong, the creator doesn't owe me a reply but it's like... should I ever do this again with this comic. Or is my reply-writing time better spent on another comic

Cronaj

True

keii4ii

I def respect that not every creator has time to read all of the comments, regardless of how many comments they typically get

Cronaj

On Webtoons, I have way more engagement, but most of it is thirst for my characters or talking about the art style

keii4ii

and that not every creator may even aim to get comments

Cronaj

So I don't usually know how to respond to stuff like that

keii4ii

But if that is the case........ I would rather know before committing myself to multiple essay-length comments

Yeah, that is understandable!

Cronaj

I read every comment, but I don't want to respond to all of them

keii4ii

I'm 100% cool with "thicc" comments on my MC's butt or on my tiger dude's legs, but I can't necessarily think of productive replies to those

Cronaj

The only comments I respond to on Webtoons are either a) incredibly funny, b) meaningful and noticing more than the art, or c) a genuine question

Like if someone asks about my update schedule

Or if someone wants to know which programs I use

I had one comment about how good my grammar in the dialogue/thoughts is, and I felt so honored that someone else noticed

Usually I get comments about the art (which is also nice), but I prefer comments about the story or subtleties

keii4ii

It's the best thing when people notice the things that you put a lot of thought and love into

Cronaj

For several years in high school, I played around with the idea of getting a writing degree, so grammar and literary language have a special place in my heart

sssfrs

I respond to every single comment... I get one comment a month pretty much though

When friends or readers say nice things about my comic on any platform I save a screenshot and read them if I start to feel like nobody likes what I’m making

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I do the exact same

FeatherNotes

Its a good practice when things are kind of slow! Or just for that lip morale boost too

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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shirtshawaiian · 2 years

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sorry to yearn but anyway

umm so like i read a fluff fanfiction and it reminded me about how much i enjoy physical touch as a love language bc its such a wordless way to spread love

(i am NOT a words person i prefer gift giving + cuddling)

im gona start using 2nd person so if you are romance repulsed Look Away. not that youd be looking here anyway

the feel of a hand trailing down your back as they whisper sweet things in your ear. a gentle kiss on the side of your neck, an opening act to their face resting there. running your hand through their hair as you lay with them, closely entwined.

do you ever just want a life where you can do that ? i do i do right now but unfortunately the only person i have ever loved lives a 24+ hour drive away (though honestly even now i would be willing to sell all my things quit my job and run off to live with them if they offered haha im just saying,)

do you ever just associate 1 person with the idea of romance and then go “oh, no. not in love with them anymore. old habits die hard. lol”

edit: might fuck around and send them an picture of me in the costume im gonna be wearing for the show my school is doing bc that costume increases my confidence by so much

edit again i am going to but anyways i want to bent so i will do so in this slightly buried post. sorry if youre seeing this part its a bit late and im just thinking a lot and im very tired and should be asleep.

i keep thinking about my feelings and they always tend to tease me with romance. i get crushes and all that but if i consider doing anything about it i start wondering if its all a façade

even that time i was in some form of a relationship i started to get nervous that i was pretending (though i also noticed i didnt want to communicate much and set boundaries) and that i was more performing love than feeling it so i broke up with them (i dont really remember much of that time besides thinking about him during band and crying bc of the whole 24+ hour drive thing)

i feel like i absolutely could love someone else but a part of me somewhere doesnt want that. probably because of the whole communication thing tbh. ill have to sleep and think about it further maybe maybe not

#lowkey i do want to write a fanfiction based on my relationship with that person but i feel like that would be too personal #btw below the cut isnt an essay its just a bit of ''man i wish my love language was more word-focused'' and also shooting up in the air and #hoping it hits the right person #suicide warning for this next tag its mostly just a joke:#between me and them i'd much rather it hit me #(it doesnt hurt that much but i do certainly feel a pressure in my heart)

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perksofbeingamaineiac · 3 years

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July 1, 2021

Morning:

Woke up very tired. I really don’t want to go to work. Not only is it a long weekend, but working an extra day absolutely sucks. I got the reverse of a long weekend. I am going to ask for the week off that I am going to the cottage I really am over it. No one wants to help me, they have forgotten what it was like before me. Enjoy. “I don’t have time to relax at work” LOL okay, they are always relaxing and that is why nothing gets done. I am going to try and get done as much as I can today and tomorrow, but I am not staying late by any means. I can only clean for so long and there isn’t much else to do. I don’t feel like being the only one that ever cleans any bins. No one else does it properly though...so hire people that do. I also need to remember that I need to edit and not let that slip my mind. Hopefully today I can leave a little early, I will go for swim and relax a bit if the weather permits and then edit some.

I do want to try and download dating apps again, maybe I should see where my period cycle is at first... and then decide. Sounds like tonight might be a little busy, but the more I put it off the better maybe? Still waiting to be assigned a therapist. Lets see what the day holds.

Night:

Turns out I am probably PMSing so I will wait to download apps, maybe think of how I want to put my profile together. Go through my question document. Im working on it now actually.

I am just going to do this until I am tired and pass out. Its keeping my brain occupied.

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feverhalo · 6 years

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So. Heres this old fic from uhhhhhhhhhhhhh I really don’t remember how long ago. Originally I had it split into 3 parts on the posts that inspired it- and it was my first attempt at writing anything along the lines of stuffing, but it kind of ended up more like he was already coming down with something. It was on my first attempt at a fic blog- way back when and it got deleted because I didnt know how sideblogs worked back then and goofed. Thought I lost everything, then I found an old disc with a whole whack of it on there.

At the moment I can only find 2 of the 3 posts of the art that inspired it here and here. I’ll link the missing post as soon as I find it.

so um, warnings for vomit, cussing, and over-eating-ish and mentions of drinking. and I also am not editing it because im super lazy so its in the same glory as it was when i posted it years ago (2012 apparently)

2,864 words, apparently.

“Come on people! When I say I want you all mobilized in fifteen I don’t mean in half a damn hour. I mean twenty minutes ago.” Fury fumed over the intercom from his station on scene. His voice bounced off the inside of the transport van and rung through each individual earpiece. “Rise and shine, ‘cause we are in a fucking war against some baddies if you haven’t all noticed. You are my agents and I am expecting you to do your damn jobs at my order.”

“Load of fucking shit,” the sniper agent to Clint’s left mumbled, “two a.m. wakeup call is horseshit. I just finished a mission and got back at ten last night.”

“Yeah, welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D brother, what did you think this was? Day camp?” Clint double checked his packet was still together. He’d read it once they got to their positions, it was too dark inside the van. He shook his head a bit when the other agent went back to fuming. Running on low sleep was nothing, sure the headaches and fuzziness were a pain in the ass sometimes but it’s not hard to get used to. You have to get used to it in this job. Same with messed up schedules on basically everything. They would get an hour tops to set up and get ready for a long haul on their stations.

What he managed to make sense of before climbing in the back of the vehicle through his sleep-fogged mind was that they needed to be ready for anything by three thirty, three forty five at the latest with the other crew up ahead of them set up. He rubbed his face trying to wake up more, must be all the time he’s spent on normal schedule lately, it was causing a real issue. He wasn’t looking forward to the no doubt shitty and militant type food they were all going to have for breakfast within the next hour either. He was getting soft on the new routine of near-normal sleep and actual tasteful food instead of vacuum packed crap made for boosting endurance.

He leaned back to try and get into the mindset for the day. It was going to be a very very long one. Someone mentioned they might be stuck out there until seven that night. By then they’d have relief agents come in to give them a break, but as Hawkeye, well he was probably expected to stay around. Most teams wouldn’t shelf their best shooter if they could help it. He’d probably get a nap in at some stationed area. Though the accidental nap he got on the way there wasn’t something he completely cursed even though he didn’t like the fact of it.

“Alright, come on move out you all got a lot to go over and not much time.” The voice crackling into his ear is what startled him awake, and the hatch of the van swinging open definitely helped make that happen faster. Keeping near silent, everyone filed out and headed into the building while Agent Hill took control of their transport and directed it to their station a little ways away hidden in a different building.

Everyone was handed a pack; filled with the shitty food and bottles of water for their posts, their weapons if they hadn’t brought any and extra ammo and pieces if they did, additional intel for their briefing packages according to pay grade, and some quick hushed instruction to where they were all to be.

Clint took his without a word and made his way to his post. Abandoned, or purposefully emptied, industrial building and the usual sort of interior. Too much moving about would give away his position on the metal catwalk. He had a few windows to observe through and a railing to his back. He dropped his pack as lightly and quietly as he could and set himself facing the railing to observe everyone being dispatched while he read over his briefing package.

Exact sort of thing he expected since they woke him up. Nothing too big, but big enough to require a lot of force if anything went bad. He was given another radio code with instructions to call the other Avengers if things turned too ugly. And it was going to be a long-ass day. No break in sight until afternoon if they were lucky. He ripped open the first package of… well. He opened the first nutritional packet and set to work on it mindlessly while he kept reading and rereading. This was coded, but memorizing it and burning it was always his procedure.

By the fourth read through he was nearly done the second pack. Best to eat as much as he could, as much as he hated it and was off-put by eating at such a strange time after the Avengers got together. Professional agent Clint Barton, code name Hawkeye, sharpest shooter as they came- but totally useless without a sugar rush to start him at this time of night, and hell to deal with if he crashes afterward. Carbs, protein, sugar. The three biggest and most annoying things to eat right now, low on time and rushing to compensate for his mental sluggishness at this hour.

He startled himself with a small belch and nearly dropped everything. He did a quick scan and everything seemed normal. Confused for a second longer as to the origin of the sound, he came to the realization when he hiccupped. Ah. Right. He was eating, and apparently at the speed he was reading if the blooming discomfort in his slightly distended abdomen was anything to go by. He took a swig of the only soda from his pack, no doubt put there as a favor from a very sneaky woman. He let it fizz up in his mouth before swallowing it.

New diet. That’s another thing he reminded himself to update S.H.I.E.L.D on before the next mission. He downed some more soda and let the carbonation work its way back out in a few more small burps. It was definitely a good feeling. He just had to work the rest of the air out before the mission started. No big deal.

“Relax Barton,” He shifted in his new ‘nest’, “nothing you haven’t had to do before. Good to know I can still get mission jitters, heh. Maybe this’ll be fun.” He wanted it to be. He definitely wasn’t expecting this call when he decided to turn in early last night. He tried to tell himself the slight trembling feeling, not that he’d let his hands shake at all if it could be helped, was from nerves. Big man in the world now, sure, but unexpected missions always had excitement to them. Sometimes it left you a little shaken in the best ways. Not that he was sure how good this sort of shaken felt yet, all he could say for certain was that it was strange.

He shrugged his shoulders and straightened out before packing away the left overs and digging out a lighter to burn the paper with. The wind howled a little outside, bringing to his mind the chill of the night.

An hour later had him leaning lazily at a windowsill; nothing happened yet that needed his attention or intervention. He kept flitting his eyes about in a restless sort of way, glancing about but never focusing too long and trying to keep that trembling, tingling feeling filling him up at bay. He thought back to the night before, and about being so tired.

“See anything?” Another agent’s voice crackled through his earpiece. He pressed down on his microphone button to reply.

“Not a damn thing,” he drawled, “Anything from your sights?”

“Nothing yet,”

He let up off the mic and sighed. He felt his body buzz again in a wave under his skin and couldn’t help but shake his shoulders trying to get it out. Part of his mind nagged at him with a reminder of feeling distinctly unwell last night.

Drinking. Stark roped us all into it. Thinks just because he has a miracle liver means we all do.

Though it was harder to remind himself of that when he had to shake his shoulders and head again to fight off a wave of fuzziness.

It wasn’t for another forty-five minutes, and three updates from Fury himself, until Barton had something to hold his attention. He was crouched low at his post and grabbed at the shirt over his stomach as another wave of pain and sudden nausea shot through him. Sure he’d started idly rubbing his stomach a little earlier; he was getting butterflies was all. Usually something happened by now when they got this many people out that fast. He was getting more nervous the entire time, who didn’t when it came to performance issues? He was still having trouble focusing on the vast nothingness happening today by the time the butterflies started. But now this was throwing him off.

“Any news yet? Getting real bored up here,” he clicked the mic off after and waited.

“Nothing. Should be another hour at most. Getting antsy there, a little flighty? Ha.”

“Ha. Leave the jokes to someone who can handle them, Keith.” He turned down the radio and double checked the microphone was off when he curled up tighter into himself and put his head against the sill as another wave of discomfort washed over him.

Eventually, he had to get back up and in proper position. He felt a bit better after some time elapsed and figured as long as he didn’t over do anything and stayed relatively well hydrated he’d be good enough. He turned the radio back up and opened his water bottle as he slid back into the favored hiding position he found where he could stand full height without being seen. Another hour tops and he’d have something in his sights…

Hawkeye swallowed hard and backed away from his post. This was getting a little ridiculous. He stepped back until the guard rail pressed into his back. He hazarded a quick glimpse over before having to go back to staring at part of the wall to calm his roiling stomach, but his eyes didn’t miss a thing. All S.H.I.E.L.D’s other snipers were still focused at their stations. No other agents or personnel were in the area. He figured it was safe enough to sit down for a little and wait this out. Again.

He dropped slowly and cautiously, trying not to upset anything further, and dropped his legs over the side. He pressed his forehead to the cool metal of the guard rail and tried to focus on breathing evenly. At least if it all went to hell, it would go right the hell off his platform. Damn, even some personal snark wasn’t helping anything.

He shut his eyes tight and willed himself not to moan out-loud. Getting seen and getting heard were two ways to royally fuck up in this job, and now were also two ways to grab unwanted attention and ridicule over his gastric distress. His snaked one arm around the bar running at chest level and pulled his head down to lean heavily on it, holding it for dear life if his whitened knuckles were anything to go by. Clint’s other hand rested lightly on his stomach, too nervous to even try and ease the nausea by rubbing or curling up this time. By how ragged his breathing sounded, even trying to call in now wouldn’t work. His jaw felt glued together anyway, he really didn’t trust opening his damn trap for anything. Static fizzled over his earpiece and some other agents gave short updates.

After a few minutes with no relief Clint resigned that he might just actually lose it here. He shoved the microphone back and double checked it was switched off. Still on the right channel so just in case they did need him it was easy to radio back, he couldn’t back out but like hell he could get up right now. His stomach lurched and gurgled, leaving him coughing a little into his hand to stifle the sound and hopefully to help keep everything down. He felt a rush of stifling heat and sweat beaded on his neck.

Did he mention this was going to be a long-ass night?

“Got someone moving.” Clint perked up as best he could in this situation. Not the best idea, he shuddered and folded forward a bit more. He groped blindly for the water bottle he had been taking sips from to help quell the nausea with until now. He popped it open with his teeth and waited for someone else to give up more information. Nobody would realize he wasn’t looking right now, they’d all be too busy searching their own areas and figuring he was either doing the same or trained on the target already.

“Can’t see them.” Clint groaned aloud, unable to help it. He took another sip from the bottle, but just ended up spitting it out.

“I swear I will never say anything bad about anyone ever again…” he started mumbling to himself disjointedly. Promising things to any deity he ever heard of, cursing them all out.

“It’s the Director. No worries, everyone,” Agent Hill came over the comms. “He and I are double checking parts of the perimeter. The targets shouldn’t be this far back at all.”

“Fuck. Fuck everything and the damn horse it rode in on,” he swallowed hard and tried to ignore the burning at the back of his throat.

“Confirmed. It is Director Fury and Agent Hill.”

Radio silence returned for another stretch of time. Felt like almost another hour. Clint spat down on to the floor below again. Finally giving in to the urge to wrap his arm tightly around his middle, he rocked himself slightly to see if it helped. It did for a small moment. He let out a shaky sigh and glanced back over at the windows where the sun was now creeping up through the clouds of dirt and grime on the glass. He considered moving back a bit and laying down before radioing in his distress, but not before he was sure it was something he could handle. After a few more intense seconds he decided that was the best plan of action.

After about four more seconds his stomach decided that was a stupid idea and he needed to keep his ass very still right the hell where it was. And less than a second after that, Barton was parting with a good portion of his stomach’s contents. There was no elegant or quiet and stealthy way to cover that. He retched. He shut his eyes and shook a little harder after the fact. Resting his head, defeated, on the railing again, he Clint tried to work up the strength and his voice well enough to call it in if someone wasn’t already beating him to it.

“Damnit Barton,” Fury’s voice vaulted up to where Hawkeye was slumped, “What the hell?!”

Clint opened his eyes slowly, he shook a little more in some vague form of terror that filtered through his sickened mind. He scooted back a bit, ignoring the wet dripping of his own vomit onto the floor below. He pulled the mic piece down and flicked it on.

“Sorry sir, Agent Hawkeye reporting,” his voice shook, wavered and cracked a little, but still carried over the radio and down from his nest, “I think I’m a little under the weather.”

“Well no fucking shit.” Agent Hill had retreated a number of steps from Fury and the mess surrounding him. She pulled her clipboard up and started flipping through pages while putting out a radio call for a med truck and a replacement. If he had felt any better, Clint would have laughed at the absurd sight, but unfortunately he was back to fighting to keep down what was left in his stomach. “If you’re gonna do that again I’d like some damn warning.”

All Hawkeye could manage for warning was a quick ‘move-aside’ hand motion before leaning through the gap in the rail again and vomiting once more. By now everyone in the building knew what was going on and were switching radio channels and trying to ignore the sounds of Clint losing it all over the cemented floor.

After a third bout of being sick, Clint was left dry-heaving and limp against the fever-warmed metal. Too shaky to even hold the water bottle that hadn’t left his side today, leaving it to fall below him too when he tried to grab it. Within minutes two medical technicians were helping him down from his nest. He felt so shaky and wrung out he didn’t even attempt to fight them over being taken out on a stretcher. He just laid on his side and curled in on himself as they pushed him past Hill and Fury, who was still cleaning himself up.

“Next time spare us the damn show and call it in before the firework finale, alright?”

“Got it.”

#sick clint barton #vomit tw #avengers sickfic #lmk what other tags yall want or need on this #this'll be a tumblr only fic tho i might revisit it and rewrite it for ao3 #so its a super fun surprise for you guys #also a throwback

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crunchity-munchity · 4 years

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How Migranes feel for me:

Entire head feels like its throbbing, its much larger and more intense on my eyes, brige of nose (like sinuses), temples, and teeth

Teeth hurt like hell

Loss of appetite, the teeth hurting also make it hard to eat

My eyes feel like they're being squeezed

Head feels very warm and I will take any chance to set it against a cold surface (drinking cold drinks is nice as well)

Back of neck hurts

I complain that im tired (i never outright complain about things so if i do complain then its usually not good)

If the migrane is very very severe then ill feel dizzy and nauseous (drinking and eating worsen the nausea as well) I have never thrown up because of a migrane but I have gotten very close

I only ever take naps if I have a migrane (or if I'm in a car lol) and I only ever get naturally tired when its late at night

Migrains make me very sensitive to light and noise and my ears hurt as well

I often cannot sit without externally supporting my head and I will try not to move as much as possible

Alot of times ill say that I wish i could be decapitated because all the pain is in my head area so getting rid of my head would get rid of the pain lol

I will also be very quiet and un emotional, dark circles appear under my eyes

Some causes and triggers of my migraines:

Bright lights and loud noises hurt

Strong fragrances like bleach and other cleaning products and certain perfumes

Looking at screens for too long (this is why I get them so often)

Dehydration is another big one cuz i live in arizona

I should probably add that one of the only ways I can get the migrane to go away is to take a (much larger than what I should be taking cuz of my body size) dose of ibuprofen. Sometimes sleeping helps but its more just so I dont feel anything (also cuz migraines are exhausting)

Not taking a big enough dose of ibuprofen does not do the job and the migrane will stay

They can last for hours on end and ive had them go on for 2 days straight a few times

Its also almost impossible to concentrate or work while having one wich makes work difficult

If you have alot of these symptoms frequently please do research and if you think it might be serious tell someone, I have no idea if mine is chronic but I do believe that it might be because of how often I have migraines

Please stay safe and drink water and spread this so others can know as well!!

Edit: something I totally forgot to add is that while migraines make me very tired its almost impossible to sleep, all you want to do is sleep but you just can't

#crunchy rants #migrane

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wei-bae · 7 years

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Kcon Up10tion

A lot of fans have probably already heard or seen videos of everything that happened with u10t at kcon yesterday but I still wanted to share my experience. Even though i did take videos of their performance its pretty low quality and i think it might get taken down so i'll hold off on doing that. So for now i'll share my kcon story focusing on u10t rather than any mishaps or difficulties with kcon. Mind you i already told this to lowrap on instagram so i just have my multiple messages compiled here with some editing. Okay so the con was wild. Me and my friend made sure to get their early since we knew u10t had their audience engagement early and we didnt wanna miss it incase we got the pass or incase we got one from someone else. My friend managed to trade audience pass for u10t and i almost bought a pass from someone when another person just passed us and asked if i wanted it. Of course i couldnt turn that down and i was super happy cuz we still had like an hour before the engagement By that time we had already checked out the merch booth and dang was there a lot of merch. There was the kcon themed merch and they had nice amount of u10t stuff, it was the same as the things they had for other groups there, but it was the other booths that had albums and posters. The good thing about going the last day was that a lot of albums and posters were going on sale and thats why i was able to get most of the albums(none of the booths had the id albums) But after the merch booth that's when me and my friend went to get our con bags, and it was on the way there that i got the audience pass, but once we got the bags we saw booths in that area and there was one that was doing kcon trivia for face fans and they had a few of the u10t members and they had wooshin's summer go face in that red cap, so i stayed there for a while to try winning wooshin for my friend(we did get it and were really happy to see that they had u10t) There was also a good amount of honey10's walking around talking occasionally about them with me and my pal, so even though we were in fewer numbers than the fans of the other groups it was still fun The audience engagement was great, but some people didnt get to go cuz they got too late or were confused since they were the first engagement, but the fans were really sweet People that already got banners and fans held them up, they were respectful of personal space no pushing or shoving, and they gave a lot of cheers to u10t. Not all of the boys were very talkative but they were all happy and excited to be there Kuhn had mentioned that he liked a lot of the food here, and then they had to vote on who did best aegyo and all the boys voted for kogyeol meanwhile he pointed at kuhn. So kogyeol had to do aegyo and said "i am a cutie" or something along those lines. And wei joked around saying "my eyes my eyes" but then wei had to do aegyo too but it didnt get as much reaction from the boys. After that they did charades and they asked if it should be animal themed or song themed but the fans voted animal When it was at the last animal it was sunyoul and the animal was cheetah and he was having trouble with that, especially cuz he's like a bunny and the motions he was doing werent very cheetah so wei tried to help but in him trying to help he tore his pants. So after they got cheetah thats when they joked about fanservice pantservice Then they did the hi touch and it was so sweet. While they were waiting for the hi touch to start they were playing white night, and hwanhee started motioning the dance and the other boys joined in and that was super cute and happy. Then they did the hi touch and it was so sweet, no one was being rushed. Staff, u10t, and the fans were not rushing anyone and took their time, it was still pretty quick but the guys actually held their hands and gripped while smiling and looking at the fans and managed to say a few words to them. If there was space ahead of the fans the boys would give hearts and be cute at them and some of the fans were so excited and jumpy and the boys would respond being cheerful and jumpy back. Then at the end they took a selfie It was so cute and people were holding up their banners and fans and my pal held up her wooshin fan cuz we didnt get the honey10 fans yet Some people also left during the hi touch so the crowd thinned out and we got to move a bit closer while still no one shoved or felt squished so that was nice As they were saying their byes/see you laters, wei joked around about wanting to hurry to fix his pants and later said his cool line of "lets burn up tonight" Later at the toyota meet and greet it was fans playing games with the boys like rock paper scissors and the game where u choose between two things and need to say the same one While they walked on stage, even though my friend and i were in the back corner of the booth i still got glimpses of them and theyre so gorgeous And the boys knew some fans were to the side so some of them, kuhn and kogyeol especially, kept turning to wave smile and throw hearts. Because it was so hot outside kuhn was sweating a lot and it was kinda dipping off his face but he still looked really handsome, and he was so smiley and sweet. Gyujin would occassionally look over and wave and kinda smile, he gave this look kinda like the one u would give a lil kid thats begging for ur attention like "yes, hello, i know u're there sweetie" I didnt managed to get a photo of gyujin making that face but even so he looked really good and it was still nice for him to turn around. Xiaos makeup looked really good, especially his eye makeup even though the booth made it kinda difficult to see, and jinhoos hair color looks amazing on him it suits him really well As the boys left, the boys on kuhns side took their time and kuhn stayed waving and smiling at the fans and took a honey10 banner that was offered to him After the toyota meet and greet was when me and my friend went back to merch to get more albums and on our way to go line up for the concert was when we encountered the honey10s that were giving out the fans and banners and thats when we got them. While in line for the concert we ended up near some other people interested in u10t and talked a bit but sadly i didnt think to get their contacts. But it was still nice cuz it made waiting in line feel less tiring Me and my friend also had started waiting in line a while before even the red carpet because we didnt get passes to it so i dont know about what happened first hand. Then there was the concert It was a lot and i tried to record all of u10t so my arms are super tired When u10t was performing u could tell who the honey10s were cuz so many of them had the fans or banners but they were standing while most of the crowd was sitting down(it almost seemed kinda rude with nonfans turning off their light sticks but im not gonna hold it against them since a few were impressed with u10t's performance) They opened to tension up and ended the tension up sort of intro dance with the gun hand motion they did in runner Then they performed runner and it was so amazing to hear live for the first time even though some of the small ear mics were messed up(every group that used those mics had a few members that got higher pitched voices from the mics but i think u10t got the least of those messed up mics) After runner they talked a bit and u10t tried to speak only in english to fans and it was so sweet cuz u could tell they really cared and tried with it so it was really sweet to hear them being so heartfelt and trying so much with the fans After that they performed so dangerous and i was so happy to hear it but also sad cuz wooshin wasnt there so some of the other boys had to fill him for him Then they performed attention and during sunyouls titanic move part they moved from the entrance stage to the middle stage and all the boys were so happy and waving at fans. They managed to get back in position in time for the next windmill legs so that impressed a lot of people They also used kuhns ayo part to go around waving and motioning at the fans to the sides and to the ones in the platinum pit They then did another lil talk part saying their thanks and how much they loved the fans and it was so sweet. They said it as their byes cuz they only had white night to perform next(but we now know it wasnt their final performance) They used the parts where the boys moved to the side of the stage to wave at fans and exited the stage from the middle stage and waved at fans on the way out even though they were tired And then later on(i think it was after nct) the kings of special stages performed honey honey and it was so sweet and charismatic and it was so lovely. It suited them so well and they looked so nice in the hats and jinhoos lil happy yells were so cute. It was so sweet when they threw the hats into the platinum area and apparently the boys has signed the hats before hand. At the end of the concert when the artists were coming out for final goodbyes i was so happy when u10t came out first and they were taking their time walking out, giving out their fans, reaching to hold hands with honey10 and taking their phones, when twice was coming out a few of the boys danced/motioned to cheer up which was really cute. Jinhoo and kog actually did dance to it for a real short bit(jinhoo did it while recording on a fan's phone). When nct got next to them for the most part they kept separate but kuhn bowed at them and they bowed back(he bowed at haechan, jaehyun, and winwin) They also got happy and moved a bit with cnblue's song, while still enjoying all the additional time near fans taking their phones and stuff. Around that point taeyong got kinda close to them, a few members of nct were watching him too and he bowed at the boys(he bowed at xiao, kuhn, kogyeol, and gyu) yuta also stared bowing at them too. When they started walking back to get off stage taeil was bowing at them. And the boys were walking back at their own pace so some of the boys fell behind A few twice members ended up walking between a few of the members and stuff while a few u10t lagged behind to spend more time waving at fans. I couldnt film all of them on the walk back cuz a few stayed so far behind. Once they were back on the entrance stage lining up bitto of course took confetti and made the tear streaks. They were very happy and smily at the fans and waving, and did their cute group bow. Then they went to walk off and two of the members stayed a bit behind the two that did had walked towards a corner to wave some more at fans But it was great. After the concert i heard a few people talking about u10t being pretty good and over all sounding impressed and interested in them. Kcon had its issues but i can put the u10t made it worth it for me. I can focus on the positives because these boys r so loving and giving their all to honey10s. Even though we were outnumbered by other fans, the honey10 that were there were clearly enjoying seeing u10t and i think u10t could tell that they were making them happy and that we love them. They care a lot about their fans and are such sweet guys, im happy to be a honey10 and im ecstatic to have had the chance to see u10t live. If anyone has questions about some of the troubles with kcon feel free to message me, i would be fine with answering what i can for people that want to go next year or that think it will help them for kconla

#up10tion #kcon 2017 #kcon ny #honey10 #kcon17ny #honey10kcon

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purplepenntapus · 7 years

Text

Submitted by @vampirequeenoffan

[Edit] I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU COMBINED THREE OF MY FAVORITE AUS INTO ONE FIC, BLESS YOU

No but really this was great and I’d love to read more of it, I find the idea super interesting, like sirens are such a common and wellknown threat that lifeguards are hired specifically for their ability to resist them, super cool!

Sorry it took me a little while to respond to this, I enjoyed it so much I wanted to draw a lil smth for it

There was a time of the evening when it was easiest to strike. Sock had gotten it down to a science. When it got darker and cooler, the crowd on the beach thinned, and so too did the number of lifeguards. Three, two, and then just one, standing watch over the tourists still milling about on the sand and splashing around in the shallows. One life guard, however watchful, couldn’t keep track of everything at once, and there were blind spots to be exploited if you knew where they were.

Needless to say, Sock did.

He peeked up over the edge of the rocks, past the danger, no surfing beyond this point sign and towards the beach itself. His adversary for the night was perched up in the lifeguard nest, the thing that was too big for Sock to agree to call it a chair, and Sock couldn’t get a good look at them through the white wood. He wondered which one it was. The cute one? The one that liked to shout? The one with an excess of body hair and a thing for speedos?

Doesn’t really matter, Sock thought, and turned his attention to the shallows. He let himself start to hum, low in the back of his throat, as he looked over his options.

The closest human to him was a middle-aged woman in a floral swimsuit. She was badly sunburned, and Sock immediately linked it with tourist. True, she could just be a local that was bad about sunscreen, but Sock didn’t think so. He’d gotten pretty good at guessing.

He snuck another glance at the lifeguards nest. Still couldn’t make out the human on duty, but that was okay. As long as he kept it subtle, he should be fine. He started to hum louder, then croon, building up in volume slowly. He wanted to be just loud enough that the woman could hear him, just quiet enough that nobody else got hooked. One person edging closer to the rocks was subtle, six or seven was a dead giveaway.

He kicked it up another notch, feeling his song vibrate in his throat and– there! The woman’s gaze went softer, and she was looking around like she was searching for something. Sock let go of the rock he was leaning against, slipping back into the shadows behind it. Now that he had her, all he had to do was keep singing and she’d follow the sound.

Water lapped around his shoulders. Holding a note like this above water was hard, but if he broke the sound she might snap out of her trance and realize what she was doing. No, he had to keep at it as she splashed closer, even as the air crackled dry over his gills.

The woman appeared around the edge of the rocks. She looked lost. Sock flicked his tail once, gently, gliding a few feet further behind the rocks, and he upped his pitch. So close, just a few more feet…

Pain exploded through Sock’s skull. He jerked under the water instinctively, hands flying up to cover his face. Something white-hot prickled behind his eyes.

His back hit the sandy bottom. He barely felt it. After a few moments he managed to open his eyes, and a few moments after that he’d finally cleared the last of the black spots from his vision. The pain had somewhat receded, localizing in his nose. That must’ve been where he was hit.

That meant one thing only.

With a quiet curse, Sock pushed off the bottom, resurfacing a few yards out from the rocks. Sure enough, the floral woman was no longer in the water, and was instead standing on the rocks Sock had been hiding behind being consoled by a lifeguard.

Oh goddamnit.

It was the cute one.

Sock sank lower into the water until just his eyes were above the surface, watching as mister blue-eyes himself patted the woman awkwardly on the arm. He had his rescue tube gripped in one hand– probably what he’d hit Sock with. Stupid rescue tube. Stupid life guard training that told them where to hit.

Stupid cute humans.

Sock would love to drown him. He’d love to drown any of the life guards, honestly. It would be a personal victory for him. Unfortunately, humans had wised up about safety practices, and there were only ever two kinds of life guards anymore– deaf, or one of those rare strains of human who were immune to siren song.

If I could just get him alone fifty feet from shore, Sock thought, and slunk back under the water with a bubbling huff.

Blue-eyes didn’t go back to his nest after that, instead standing dead center in the beach and glaring out into the water like it had personally offended him. Sock supposed that look was probably meant for him. Good. If he couldn’t interact with blue-eyes one-on-one, he’d settle for pissing him off from a distance. He was cute when he was angry.

Maybe next time he intervened while Sock was trying to snag someone, Sock could talk to him? Get a back-and-forth set up or swap banter or something. He wouldn’t mind getting chased away from his prey if he got to talk to blue-eyes while it was happening. It was just that he was always too disoriented to make good on that idea when he’d been smacked solidly in the face.

Sock rubbed his still-smarting nose, sending little twinges of heat up through his cheeks. Ugh. He’d retreated to the other side of the beach, heaving himself up onto a rock that held a tiny tidepool. He could see blue-eyes from here, but hopefully blue-eyes couldn’t see him. If he could, well. Sock hoped he could get some words out before he got whacked in the nose again.

“You make my dad really super angry,” a voice behind him said. Sock twitched, hands jumping and tail lashing hard enough to send a spray of water against the rocks beside him. He was slower to turn on land then he was in the water, but when he did look behind him, he didn’t see what he expected to.

She must’ve come down from the cliff. There was a path that wound up the side of the sheer rock, weathered steps carved into the cliff face that climbed down until reaching the boulders that cropped out of the water. There was no other way this kid– a six-year-old?– could possibly have snuck up on him.

She grinned at him, baring those strange flat human teeth. She was missing two. Her dress, a cheerful bright green, ended just above her knees, and her legs were dotted with equally bright bandaids. She was standing well outside of his reach.

She laughed.

“I scared you, didn’t I!” she said, and it wasn’t a question. Sock felt heat surge through his cheeks.

“No you didn’t!” he snapped, folding his arms.

“Did too!”

“Did not!”

It kept going like that for a while. Humans mostly kept their kids away from him, so he didn’t know if this kind of repetitive argument was normal, but where Sock usually outlasted everyone under Meph’s rule this kid gave him a workout. When he started getting tired of repeating himself, she looked like she was still having as much fun as the first time.

Sock broke off with a groan. The groan turned to a hum, but before he could get any further again the little girl spoke.

“Oh, that doesn’t work on me. My dad says its a im-mun-ity.” She pronounced the word carefully, like it might break at any second. Sock grumbled quietly. Out of reach and immune to song. Someone had taught this kid the works.

“Your dad sounds smart,” he said, instead of swearing like he wanted to. The girl nodded seven times.

“Yep! He taught me all about merfolks, and he told me to stay away from you. Never said I couldn’t talk to you though! Why do you drown people?”

The question caught Sock off-guard. It had snuck in there in the same tone as everything else the kid was saying, only registering a full few seconds after she’d finished speaking. The bluntness of children. There was nothing quite like it.

“Because it’s fun,” Sock replied. The girl shook her head. Seven, eight, nine… she was really enthusiastic about her gestures.

“No it’s not! It’s mean.”

“It’s fun for me.”

“Then you’re mean!” She stuck her tongue out at him and folded her arms. She said it with such a so there air to it that Sock couldn’t help but snort.

“Alright, I give. You’re adorable. What’s your name?” Sock asked. The girl stopped sticking out her tongue.

“My name’s Ellie! What’s yours?”

Hm, two routes to go here. Best to go the easiest one.

“Humans can’t pronounce my full name, so you can call me Sock!” He anticipated, and was gratified by, the giggle he received in return. He grinned. “Yeah, I know. It’s a silly name.”

“I like it!” Ellie announced, and Sock’s grin widened.

“I like it too.”

Ellie bounced in place a couple times, looking from him to the water to the shore and back to him again. She seemed seconds away from some huge explosion of energy. “I gotta go,” she told him, “I just came down to get my dad. Stop drowning people!”

“I won’t,” Sock said, still grinning, and Ellie blew a raspberry at him as she ran off along the rocks, up towards the beach. Sock watched her go. It was nice to talk to a human that wasn’t terrified of him. Why weren’t all humans like that?

Ellie had turned into a bright green streak along the dark sand, a child projectile with a set collision course. Sock wondered who her dad was, then abruptly stopped wondering.

Ellie had run headlong into blue-eyes, wrapping her arms around his waist and nearly bowling him over. She moved animatedly, no doubt telling blue-eyes what had just happened. No doubt telling her father what had just happened.

Blue-eyes looked over in his direction. Sock felt his heart stop. He wondered if it was too late to dive back into the water.

Then he raised his hand and sent them both a cheerful wave.

Blue-eyes didn’t wave back. Ellie did.

#but seriously thanks so much for this I loved it #w2h #sockathan #vampirequeenoffan #submission

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cyjprojectarchive · 7 years

Text

blurry | bambam

prompt: inspired by bammie’s instagram selfie hot dayum could i not contain myself, so i made an imagine abt it B) here it is if ya wanna get attacked by our bamchinja. c; group: GOT7 pairing: bambam, you genre: fluff words: 3185 note: sorry theres so many spelling errors its currently 3:18 am and im tired as heq ill edit this tomorrow thanku ㅠㅠ

“Dude, you got this.”

“Yeah, well, what if I don’t? Our asses are on the line here,” Bambam’s worried tone reverberates from your phone’s speakers. You have it on loudspeaker mode because you were in the mood for some mint chocolate ice cream. You just got home from classes today and boy was it scorching hot outside.

“Yes, you do. And no, they’re not. You’ve been practicing nonstop for this comeback, Bam, I think you have it all down by now,” you repeat a little louder than usual as you open the freezer and take out the pint of sweet and cooling treat.

Setting it down on the kitchen counter, you cap the lid off and start digging in with your spoon. “And why are you so nervous? You’ve never asked me advice on how to handle stage fright ever since we knew each other,” you comment through the melting of your favorite dessert inside your mouth.

“Are you eating ice cream from the pint again?” He suddenly asks, a tone of amusement lingering in his voice. You automatically hug the thing of ice cream closer to your stomach, eyes peering at the phone resting near you. “How’d you know?”

“Just a hunch.” You can just hear him shrugging smugly.

“You wish you were here,” you retaliate, scoffing as you take another scoop. You make sure he captures the sound of you scraping the soft and gooey substance of sweetness. You know you should be encouraging him right now, but teasing the boy you’ve known for quite a while now is always a treat in its own way.

“I do. I do wish I were there,” he agrees somewhat seriously. You’re unsure whether he was talking about having ice cream or something else, but you brush it off, not wanting to think about such complications right now.

You put the spoon down and attempt to bring the previous conversation back. “Really, though, Bam. You’re going to do amazing, as always. Don’t worry too much about it, alright?” You tell him earnestly. If Bambam had never asked for any reassurances with you before, maybe this time he really needed it.

A slight pause occupies the air until you hear him exhale shortly on the other end of the phone call. “You’re right, you’re right. That makes me feel so much better. Thanks, fam,” he answers with a hopeful tone.

Shaking your head, you protest, “No problem. And don’t ever call me ‘fam’ again, fam.”

“Would you like to be called something else then, hmm?” There he goes, back to his usual zany self which you can’t help but blush about…

Did Bambam just make you blush?

“I would like you to call me when I’m not busy enjoying my ice cream,” you tell him, going back to eating your lunch for the day.

“You didn’t even start eating ice cream when I called you in the first place!” Bambam interjects and you soon chuckle at his predicament. You hear a few conversations bubbling up in the background, even recognizing Yugyeom’s whining to one of the hyungs, maybe Jinyoung, you’re not quite sure.

You move your position to the couch, setting down your phone on the coffee table. You hear a distinct voice referring to Bambam and he responds, but you’re too focused on your ice cream to eavesdrop.

“I have to go in a few. What’re you going to do afterwards?” He finally addresses you. You ponder his question until you realize you’ve forgotten something really important.

“Shoot! I have a major presentation for my History class tomorrow!” Spoon hanging in midair, you slowly place the ice cream pint next to your phone, feeling guilty of even opening it up.

“And you haven’t started on it yet,” Bambam muses. You groan in agreement and slap your forehead lightly. “No, because I thought it was happening next week.”

“Too distracted with me, huh. I have that effect,” the boy on the other end suggests, a smirk almost evident in his voice. You laugh mockingly, but the anxiety in you keeps rising. “Guess I have something to keep me distracted while you’re performing,” you conclude, probably feeding his ego even more.

“That’s good, then, at least it’s not another guy,” he jokes and you roll your eyes. “Whatever, snake,” you shoot back.

“Anyway, I got to go, we’re shooting in a few,” he tells you, almost begrudgingly. “Hey, I really appreciate you answering the call.”

You smile at his genuine reply. You rarely see this side of Bambam whenever you guys are together, or even just talking on the phone. You feel a sense of warmth in your heart, and you honestly don’t know what to make out of it. But you don’t let it get to you- not yet.

“Of course. You know I’m here,” you mutter softly.

“And me too,” he chimes. Another voice, presumably Jaebum, informs him about getting ready, so you anticipate Bambam’s good bye. “Now I really need to go. I’ll message as soon as possible.”

“For sure, Bam. Good luck! You never fail to do your best,” you add, making sure he’s still reassured. Bambam thanks you again, and the call ends.

Now, onto cramming that damned History presentation.

Adding a few finishing touches here and there, you finally have a decent 10-slide presentation for your class tomorrow morning. Stretching your arms upward, you let out a relieved sigh, yawning in the process. Making sure that the file has been saved to your laptop, Google Drive, and USB, you turn your laptop off and trudge your way into the comfort of your bed.

The digital clock on your nightstand reads 11:24 pm and you feel quite proud for completing a procrastinated project before the day ends, roughly speaking. You ease your way into the duvet, grabbing your phone to the side for a late night session on a few of your social media accounts.

You go to your Messages and remember Bambam’s call from earlier. You wonder whether the performance was a success- it probably was, and Bambam just had cold feet, but you already texted him two hours ago complaining about History being your worst subject ever and how lucky you are it’s your first class of the day. You type a new text, informing him of your success nonetheless and hoping he had a fun time today as well.

Before you can hit the send button, a chat bubble appears on Bambam’s end first. Your eyes widen at the screen and your lips part in surprise.

“What the…” You utter under your breath, hands suddenly sweating at the sight of your phone, Bambam’s selfie showing on the bright screen. You squint your eyes to confirm what you’re seeing is right.

You hit backspace on your keyboard and type a new message with quick and shaking thumbs.

Wrong number, headass.

He reads it immediately and your heart skips a beat. Your eyes cannot seem to focus on anything else other than the blurry selfie of a jet black haired K-pop idol. You find yourself mesmerized at his cerulean contacts and drawn to the straight and full pink lips. Breath hitching, you mentally urge yourself to stop giving in to your thoughts.

Undeniably, Bambam broke every puberty challenge out there, and not a day goes by without you reminding him that- much to his satisfaction. But you complimenting him was always out of good faith as good friends, nothing more and nothing less.

However, recently, things have been a bit blurry between the two of you. It doesn’t help that his constant teasing makes you more conscious of the type of relationship you guys are slowly developing.

And this selfie isn’t helping.

lmao what do you mean that is supposed to be sent to my best friend

You share a room with Yugyeom. Just show it to him in person lmao

not himmm, my OTHER best friend. u. anyway, like what u see? ;)

WTF are you talking about, you never send me selfies before???

aww is it that bad, b? :,( it’s just a lil smth to motivate u with ur presentation. hows that going for u, btw?

Again, with the weird ass nicknames, Bam lmao? And you’re just a few minutes too late bec I’ve finished, but thanks for trying.

Also, no, it actually looks really good. :)

pshhh u like itttt bb ;) oh, hey thats great. u should go 2 sleep by now.

and really? don’t play me, bb :,(

It does! Your face is blurred, so it’s perfect.

wow bye

You chuckle to yourself at the playful conversation. Typical Bambam, but you still can’t help but be confused at any underlying message of all this. Or maybe there’s not any and your mind is just running irrationally due from the emerging crash of the caffeine. Maybe that’s it.

You think of sending him a meme- of himself, might you add- until he follows a new text.

blurred like our relationship, right

Dropping your phone to the side, you bring a pillow pushed to your face and scream into its plush surface. You feel the heat coming off of your cheeks, chest heaving in and out as well. What was that all about? Has Bambam been aware of the unusual tension you, yourself, have been feeling towards him the past couple of weeks? Why is he speaking up about it now?

that was stepping out of the line of being corny. i’m sorry lol

You notice that he was trying to play it off cool, but now that you’ve gotten a signal from him acknowledging the uncanny stage of your relationship right now, you wanted to go all out. With Bambam, you need to know whether he’s serious about this or not.

You retreat the pilow away from your face, flustered at the suddent flight response you just pulled off. You certainly cannot be this embarrassing once you confront him, that’s for sure. But realizing you might have been absent for a while, you gingerly take a hold of your phone and type a new message with a plan.

When are you free, Bam?

You need to discuss this to him in person. You need to see it in Bambam’s eyes. You see the typing animation show on and off as he’s probably contemplating on what to say to you too.

i’m free for a few hours after our morning radio interview

Perfect. I’ll meet you at the cafe near my university at 12. Sounds good?

yeah yeah ofc

Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Bam.

you too. uhhh good night?

Good night to you too, Bambam. :)

“Headass, over here!”

A guy in stylish clothing, together with a black cap, black sunglasses, and black mask whips his head towards your direction. His tall stance and sense of fashion already singled him out from the lazily dressed college students surrounding the cafe right now, including yourself.

You end up sleeping three hours later after your conversation with Bambam, different scenarios of your meet up today forming in your head, some with good outcomes and others unspeakable. You couldn’t believe that you were able to set up a “date” with him with the intention of confessing the uncertainty you have in regards to affectionate feelings towards him.

He walks over to the corner of the quaint little shop, a cold drink already in place before his seat. You don’t see his expression quite well, seeing that his whole face is covered with different kinds of masks, but you hear him chuckle as he relaxes in front of you, inspecting the drink shortly.

“You know me too well,” he finally says, lowering the mask to his chin so he can take a sip of his favorite drink. You grin at your accomplishment, chugging the iced coffee you bought for yourself as to keep your nerves from taking over you- which was ironic since you’re gulping down more of what keeps you shaking right now.

“How was the interview?” You ask nonchalantly, watching his every move. Bambam glances up at you and nods his head, “It went really well. More enjoyable than your presentation, that I could say.”

Glaring daggers at him you counter, “Shut up.” He cackles at your response, and then the two of you instinctively easing into your normal conversations of mundane stories and brutal banters, almost forgetting about the original reason of you meeting him here.

But you didn’t mind, not one bit. You missed his physical presence. Just seeing a hint of his crinkling eyes from the shade of his visor is enough for you to feel comfortable around Bambam. He genuinely is the best person you know. You both never have to think twice about saying something potentially wrong, because the other would just use it at their advantage but at the same time turn it into an inside joke between the two of you.

There was something that he declared which made you stomp your hand down the table in rejection. He chortles at your dramatic expression and casually lays his hand on top of yours. Your face quickly realizes this as you retrieve your hand back to your sides, squeezing it tight to stop it from trembling at the sudden contact.

Bambam notices your discomfort and coughs awkwardly. “Sorry, sorry. I ruined it, didn’t I?” He admits, looking down in frustration.

“No, no, Bam it’s not that,” your attempt in fixing the matter at hand was futile, and you wish you have more time to stall, more time to just have mindless fun with the best guy friend you’ve ever had in a while.

But seeing that your stomach churned and jumped in itself after a simple touch of your hand, you had to tell him how he’s made you feel. Or else you’re going to go nuts.

“What are we, Bambam?” You blurt out, eyes fixating on the empty cup of beverage sitting idly on the table. “And don’t make it out as a meme, ‘kay? I’m asking it seriously,” you follow up with a scrunched face, making sure that Bambam knows you’re done with fooling around.

You peek at his face and he seems to be smiling shyly, hand that was once touching yours now scratching the back of his head. You find yourself wishing you never took it back.

Shaking your head, you whine at your inner frustration. “I… I think I like you, Bam. And I don’t know why I’m saying this now but recently, you’ve been saying weird stuff to me that gets me all flustered and red and you can’t see that because we haven’t seen each other in a while, but when we do I try to suppress it just because I don’t you to think I’m weird or something like that but our conversation last night messed me up big time, and now I don’t know if suppressing it is going to help anymore and I just -”

You stop yourself from losing air in your system as you inhale and exhale. Your hands have been clutching themselves tightly on your lap and you let go to feel the blood pumping again. You’re afraid to look up and see a confused Bambam staring at you, but before you can contemplate any further, you hear a soft laughter resonating from him. And it wasn’t that of mockery, so you slowly turn your head to reveal a blushing adolescent boy before you, hands covering his eyes under a pair of expensive sunglasses.

“Aw man, you beat me to it. Why do you always do that to me?” He complains cutely. You titl your head in confusion.

“I was supposed to confess first. Do you know how ashamed I feel right now?” He takes his hands off his eyes as well as his sunglasses and you finally see his eyes. Glistening in hope and anxiety all at the same time, but the beauty in them never left. You are taken aback, but you try and keep it together as he gulps down and stares right back at you.

“You always beat me to things, but that doesn’t mean I won’t confess anymore. Yes, I’ve been trying to get your attention more frequently because I’ve… developed feelings for you, and I didn’t know how to handle them other than be more annoying than usual.” His assessment of the situation makes you giggle, and it prompted him to keep going.

“I was really happy I got to talk to you when I was feeling hella nervous yesterday. It made me confirm my feelings for you and that you make me comfortable in whatever situation we’re in. The selfie I sent you last night was just me trying to see if you kind of feel the same way, and I honestly didn’t know what to expect from there.” He brings his hands on the table and plays with them mindlessly, biting his lip as he looks down.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel frustrated by the way I’ve acted, I’m just a dumb adolescent boy who doesn’t know how to handle his feelings well. But I was honestly really glad we got to hang out today, you know I missed you a lot. So, I’m sorry if this ruins everything…” he trails off, seeming to want to say more but his tongue prevents him from doing so.

You keep your eyes on him, not exactly knowing how to respond correctly. He gives you a full minute to contemplate on your own before he looks back up at you, pausing with his hands and smiling sheepishly. “Any response from you would be great right now.”

“Shoot, I’m sorry,” you say, lips in a tight line. You think for another few seconds before finally making up your mind. “C’mon, let’s take a selfie.”

“W-what?”

“C’mon, Bam. You have a better camera than mine, so go get your phone!” Your tone was firm but encouraging at the same time. He hesitates for a second but complies nonetheless. You scoot next to him, your arm slightly touching with his. You falter a bit, but you feel Bambam relax with your touch and you smile as you move in a tiny bit closer.

He positions the phone at the perfect angle and you see him trying out a few different expression before his thumb presses over the button. Your smile grows wider at the sight of him assessing himself, but you quickly peck the soft surface of his cheek and beat him to taking the selfie.

Without waiting for his response, you snatch the phone away and inspect the picture. Content with the image, you show him the screen.

He looks at with his eyebrows furrowed, but immediately understands and reveals a goofy grin. You nudge his elbow playfully before resting your head on your shoulder, already feeling at ease with your position.

“Not so blurry now, huh?” You ask him. He pats your head in response and squeezes your shoulder reassuringly, the touch of him making you want more.

But for now, this is enough.

#got7maknaelinenet #kreativewritersnet #got7 imagines #bambam scenarios #got7 scenarios #bambam imagines #emjae fics

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pens-spill-emotion-blog · 6 years

Text

Writing While Under The Influence of Marijuana

In my experience, life is ever-changing. Yes, that is cliche to say but it’s true.

I’m high right now and since ive been thinking about writing lately i decided i should practice and exercise that writing muscle.

Writing scares me because theres a very thin line between writing your heart and soul into a paper and writing something to share with others.

Its hard to seperate pieces of writing that are about emotions from pieces of writing that are about logic because to me, all art writing is an emotion expression at all times.

Not just a form of communication but an act of making thoughts and sometimes feelings into tangible, seen things.

You can take any moment and turn it into a piece of paper with words on it

Writing is the ability to capture moments, emotions, thoughts and turn them into materialistic reality.

Reading one sentence can change someone's perspective of life and everything that they do on a daily basis.

Isnt that crazy

Just reading a text (a form of writing) can change your entire mood for the day

Im really high right now.

Sometimes i think that being really high isnt good for me

Or not as good for me as i think it may be when i decide to do it

Sometimes im scared that ill always regret my life and my decisions

And sometimes i think ill be alone in the end

Because i push people away so much

I hate being alone

Its the scariest thing when you have no one else to trust

When you never let anyone help you with anything for fear that they might find an invulnerability of yours and use it against you

You may have family but parents and brothers and sisters never have the connection with you that youd have with your partner.

I talk about alot of sad stuff when i start typing lol

Maybe thats how i am in real life and i just dont see it

I should learn how to be more positive

Vibe with people

Stop complaining

I remember when i lived in tennessee

It was a sunny warm day

It was summer i think

No school

I woke up and immediately took neo to the field by our house

This field was once filled by a house, until it burned down

There was this one tree over to the corner of the field close to the neighbors fence

I used to climb it when i got tired of being alone

But when neo and i went we just played ball and chased each other around in circles

I fucking love that dog

Hes such a loving well behaved chill dog

He loves playing and cuddling with the fan on

He loves chasing me around and play fighting with my hands

He loves running after the ball. Hes amazing

Anyway

It was a sunny day on this field, i remember the grass was the greenest of greens.

Neo was a spoiled dog whose leash was retractable so he basically dragged me there knowing thats where we were headed. As soon as we got there i took the leash off of him. He usually behaved with just me talking to him.

We just sat in the grass and cuddled and wrestled

I took photos of him in the grass smiling at me.

My hair was a coke can red and i had the brightest blue eyes

I feel like my eyes are brighter when that dog is around.

If humans and dogs had soul mate bonds i bet neo would be mine

It makes me sad because he wont be around for such a long time.

Thinking about it makes me want to cry

I think when his day comes i want him to have lived to an old age

Probably 14 atleast

I want him to not look any older than he did when he was 5

I want him to know that we loved him and i loved him the best that i ever could

I want him to have a big chocolate cake if we put him down

And i want him to have a warm comfy bed to lay in with my arms around him if he dies in his sleep

I want him to know that his soul can move on to wherever it goes and i want him to know that he was the best dog a girl could ever have gotten. I just want him to feel loved

Because he was

He is

Damn he aint dead yet girl chill

Im like lowkey boutta cry

Ima take another hit

Okay i took another hit

I hope that writing is my talent

Like i feel like i write pretty bad i mean look at all this shit

I jump from topic to topic like no other.

But nothing else seems to fit for me so i really hope that this is the one

I enjoy it i feel like its relaxing as hell.

The other day i had this idea about a book

Cranberries

Weird right? Well ill sell whoevers reading this on it

Im not sure about the setting yet but short explanation is

A little girl and her grandpa wake up every morning around 5 am and drink a glass of cranberry juice

Its their tradition, and when stuff is bad for them both they continue to do that throughout the little girls life. Until her grandpa dies. And it would be all dramatic like she would wake up one morning when shes like 15 and he wouldnt be there to drink cranberry juice but her mom would be there and shed tell her like your grandfathers in the hospital. For whatever reason i havent decided. And so she would get her learners permit so she could drive to the hospital with her mom every morning to get there by 5 and drink a glass with him until he dies. Bam and thats my thought so far but like so theres a male and a female perspective in like two different parts of the globe and each of their stories has to do with cranberries and then they both have big aspirations to be a writer and a choreographer in New York city, and they meet through their friend who is a director of movies and knows the writer from editing scripts and knows the choreographer from filming a scene in a big movie about dancing.so they meet up and they hang out at this party that the director hosts and im getting tired now

So good night

0 notes

exactlywhoyouthinkiwas-blog · 6 years

Text

[2/27/2015 6:53:38 PM] Evan: so... [2/27/2015 6:53:39 PM] Evan: sup [2/27/2015 6:57:27 PM] YV??~: Nothing I guess. I stopped working like 2 something hours ago. mostly because a lot of these answers required too much thinking for me to concentrate on it. [2/27/2015 6:57:53 PM] Evan: haha sorry [2/27/2015 6:59:00 PM] YV??~: weh, its fine. [2/27/2015 7:00:17 PM] YV??~: i guess i should ask the same out of courtesy [2/27/2015 7:01:03 PM] Evan: The answer would be pretty similar. Not doin a whole lot at this moment in time. Jus the usual procrastinating while I should be doing Update. [2/27/2015 7:02:27 PM] Evan: How are things going for you? [2/27/2015 7:03:55 PM] YV??~: pretty much the same as last month but with 99% less anyone. exactly the same stuff just theres no one it is only me. i am the one.... who will never get any work done [2/27/2015 7:05:23 PM] YV??~: you? [2/27/2015 7:06:20 PM] Evan: Eh, not the greatest, but it's whatever. [2/27/2015 7:06:28 PM] Evan: How are you liking the silence? [2/27/2015 7:08:04 PM] YV??~: i dont know. i think its kinda annoying that people will say things about how important I am when literally no one talks to me and i just spend most of the time alone. *shrugshrug* [2/27/2015 7:08:24 PM] Evan: Ah. [2/27/2015 7:10:57 PM] Evan: I think a lot of them aren't great at socializing, to be honest. I'm pretty much the same. It's always hard to approach people you don't necessarily know that well since you don't know how they'll feel about it. [2/27/2015 7:11:10 PM | Edited 7:11:18 PM] Evan: I'd guess they're afraid they'd be bothering you? [2/27/2015 7:12:34 PM] YV??~: weh...hell if i fuckin know whats up with people. [2/27/2015 7:13:00 PM] Evan: Yeah. heh [2/27/2015 7:13:36 PM] Evan: It's been pretty slow in the main group lately, though. It seems like most people have split off into smaller, separate groups of people they're more comfortable with. [2/27/2015 7:14:09 PM] YV??~: good for them i guess [2/27/2015 7:14:54 PM] Evan: Indeed. [2/27/2015 7:15:23 PM] Evan: I just kind of wonder if there's anyone you'd still care to hang out with or if you're done with the entire community [2/27/2015 7:17:15 PM] YV??~: Weh, i didnt really come away hating anyone but im wary of jumping back into any space with most of these people lest they say things that make me end up hating my other series as well. [2/27/2015 7:17:57 PM] Evan: Are there just a few people in particular? I know there weren't THAT many involved in that particular conversation. [2/27/2015 7:21:24 PM] YV??~: eh, really anything one person can do the other can do just the same. Its either never talk openly about my work again or never people. I really dont think it would be possible for me to put a gag on all work related statements, so its easier to just forego people altogether [2/27/2015 7:22:37 PM] Evan: I don't think it would be a problem, though. It had been nearly a year before that happened, and it was a very specific situation. [2/27/2015 7:23:04 PM] Evan: Even though they misunderstood you and ended up hurting in the end, they had good intentions. [2/27/2015 7:26:31 PM] Evan: No one can predict things like that happening, but is it worth isolating yourself in case something like that happens again? I don't mean to sound pushy, but I'm kind of worried about you. [2/27/2015 7:30:41 PM] YV??~: Yeah but it ultimately is better i take cautions side. because I dont know, Ive always been alone with minimal friends and I was never 1st choice for any of them. Ive never really gotten angry of fought with people besides my siblings and considering my sister once choked me in my sleep for snoring and i could have actually killed her at one point in some fight, i think that hints at what kind of destructive anger i tend to get. While now i try to point it towards me so as not to harm others something still ends up broken or destroyed. usually art of some kind. [2/27/2015 7:34:28 PM] YV??~: im not saying thats not a nice sentiment but i guess i just wasnt made to be around people [2/27/2015 7:35:21 PM] Evan: I don't think that's the case at all. [2/27/2015 7:38:38 PM] Evan: For all the time I've been around you, I haven't seen you hit anyone especially hard. You tend to be blunt about things, but I don't think you've hurt anyone. Even when you left the chat was relatively tame during the actual interaction. What's more troubling is you hurting yourself, and I feel like that's primarily what's being accomplished right now. [2/27/2015 7:39:03 PM] Evan: I know I've said this before and you seem to not like it, but you aren't as bad as you think. You still deserve to be happy. [2/27/2015 7:43:56 PM] YV??~: Eh, at this point im used to it. I mean i only ever get people being nice to me and complementing me and id otherwise have nothing to keep them in check or balance them out if i didnt turn the abuse up to 400 on myself. *shrugshrugshrug* [2/27/2015 7:45:07 PM] Evan: Then let me be harsh for a second. [2/27/2015 7:45:09 PM] Evan: That's stupid. [2/27/2015 7:48:11 PM] Evan: People are nice to you because they think you deserve it. No matter how terrible you think you might be on the inside, it's what you project that determines who you are. If you never act on your terrible thoughts, then how can you be considered bad? Even if you have things to work on - as everyone does - you aren't going to make it any easier by hating yourself. [2/27/2015 7:52:18 PM] YV??~: Weh, I mean ultimately i doubt anyone even wants to talk to me anyway. [2/27/2015 7:52:36 PM] Evan: I've been talking to you for the last four hours. [2/27/2015 7:53:44 PM] YV??~: closer to 4 and a half but yes i noticed [2/27/2015 7:54:14 PM] Evan: And I think you're a very unique person with an interesting perspective. [2/27/2015 7:54:45 PM] Evan: Others may not have gotten to know you that well, but I think they'd absolutely want to talk to you as they did. [2/27/2015 7:58:43 PM] YV??~: Well, I mean thats all based on other peoples opinion but i dont think many people get to interested with people who ramble for much too long on one thing. [2/27/2015 7:59:06 PM] Evan: Is that a thing you do? I haven't noticed it. [2/27/2015 8:03:11 PM] YV??~: Well I decided to answer questions that could be a short to the point answer with a paragraph. But there comes a point where, when you frequently find yourself gasping for air in the middle of a word, you begin to question whether you let other people get a word in on something youre interested in, or if its just you talking to yourself. [2/27/2015 8:04:49 PM] Evan: haha [2/27/2015 8:05:14 PM] Evan: I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. Cause there are some people that have it bad, but I've never known you to be one of them. [2/27/2015 8:05:46 PM] Evan: If anything it seems like you didn't talk much at all during the interactions we've had. [2/27/2015 8:06:45 PM] YV??~: I try not to. I usually dont have anything worthwhile to say anyway [2/27/2015 8:07:36 PM] Evan: But the point is I think you do just fine. You could have plenty of friends if you let yourself. [2/27/2015 8:10:53 PM] YV??~: i dont know. People tend not to listen to me even when i do have something to say. Even when i was a wee tot eager to be at school i only ever had one friend until 7th grade. [2/27/2015 8:23:22 PM] Evan: But people CAN'T listen if you don't talk to them. You don't have to make a bunch of friends. Hell, you don't have to make any. But you should be happy, and if being around other people contributes to that, it's absolutely worth doing. And if you play nice enough you might find some people that you really like. [2/27/2015 8:28:31 PM] Evan: And trust me, I know what it's like. [2/27/2015 8:29:32 PM] Evan: Until last year I never had anyone I considered to be a friend. There were people I talked to, and people I sometimes hung out with, but it never lasted more than a few months, or maybe the school year if they happened to be someone in class. [2/27/2015 8:30:25 PM] Evan: It took twenty years for me to make a friend, but it happened. If a social wreck like me can meet people and be happy, I think you have more than a chance. [2/27/2015 8:30:30 PM] Evan: :D [2/27/2015 8:35:49 PM] YV??~: eh. Im really tired of thinking whether or not to go back or whatever, and ive got too much stuff to get done this weekend to worry about it. [2/27/2015 8:36:40 PM] Evan: That's fine. [2/27/2015 8:38:42 PM] Evan: You don't even have to go back to that particular group. Hell, I'm not even in the main chat anymore. But you should go somewhere - find people to talk to and most importantly be happy. [2/27/2015 8:39:12 PM] Evan: Though you've spent a lot of time getting to know us fanime people. So it's certainly a good place to start. [2/27/2015 8:39:41 PM] Evan: I could also probably direct ya toward one of the smaller off-branch groups if that's more your cup. [2/27/2015 8:39:46 PM] Evan: But yeah, good luck with the things. [2/27/2015 8:42:57 PM] Evan: And I know it sounds generic as all hell, but [2/27/2015 8:43:16 PM] Evan: if you ever need to talk to someone - about ANYTHING - I'll be here.

#said evan to vriska

0 notes

bwicblog · 7 years

Text

SA: does anyone know scary stories.

TT: your fa(\/)e TT: #goTTem

SA: my face is not a plural.

VV: ♚ ~ Not to mention it's a rather nice face.

SA: thank you ❤

VV: ♚ ~ But I also think scary would depend on the troll, yes? My scary is likely very different from crabbies.

SA: What makes a story scary to you, Perdia?

DD: i dont really know any myself but id love to hear one!

DD: i think so anyways

DD: i dont actually watch horror movies or anything like that very much they always seem so disturbing

DD: but theyre popular around campfires arent they so there must be something to them!!

DD: granted i dont know much about campfires either but thats mostly a circumstance of living underwater until recently

VV: ♚ ~A scary story to me is someone bringing a Birkin to dinner but not bringing a coach bag to put it in just incase it rains...!!

VV: ♚ ~ Or not being prima ballerina anymore.

VV: ♚ ~ truly horrifying.

DD: i think that falls more into the tragedy genre really when you think about it!

DD: horror is when you find out it doesnt matter because it was a knockoff all along! 😛 😛 😛

VV: ♚ ~Be still my tender heart....you're rather correct.

SA: not bringing a coach bag to put it in... in case it rains.

SA: that is very complicated.

SA: I find it easier to have a single wallet.

SA: I enjoy ghost stories. Primarily because I do not believe or feel ghosts.

SA: although i have met mediums.

VV: ♚ ~ Yes! You put the coach in your Birkin, then if it rains you put the Birkin in the Coach. VV: ♚ ~ I have many more things than just a wallet I need a bag to carry it all, may as well be fashionable while I'm at it.

VV: ♚ ~ Did you tell the medium you don't believe?

DD: and really i think the point less about having things to put in your bag and more having the bag in the first place DD: its an accessory!

DD: but oh my goodness i think i believe in ghosts altogether too much

DD: though i guess at the moment im running a little bit more into revenants!! DD: the desert is full of them 😦

SA: oh, no. that would be rude.

SA: I don't understand why you need another bag to put the bag in.

SA: But alright.

SA: yes, there are many out there. so i've heard.

DD: well one of the bags is very valuable fashionable and easy to damage if it ends up in rainy conditions so if you want to be fashionable and be able to bring it places you should have a second less valuable and easily ruinable bag to protect the first one should you need it!

SA: ...Or you could simply have a decent waterproof bag to start that looks well with what you wear.

VV: ♚ ~ Ooooooh this one gets me. I enjoy this seadweller much more than yesternights~ What's your name? I never introduced myself properly, Perdia Averic.

VV: ♚ ~ Honeycomb please, I won't judge your wallet don't judge my superior, luxe bag.

DD: well yes but bags like that typically arent quite as nice! DD: though i spend most of my time underwater so that is what i end up using most of the time anyways admittedly

DD: and oh my goodness well thank you very much that is lovely to hear DD: i was afraid i had come off unfavorably earlier so i am glad that i have not yet succeeded in alienating everyone! DD: my close friend often says i sort of have a way of not being great with people so

DD: although i do agree that vv overall does have a point that while functionality is all well and good if you are into that sort of thing and surrounded by people that are into that sort of thing it really is important to have the appropriate fashionable items at certain times

DD: though i would also argue that does have a function as well just a social one!

SA: well the bag is very pretty with you, little princess. I just could never justify carrying one myself 😃

DD: oh dear i am talking a lot again

DD: my apologies!!

VV: ♚ ~ It's an ultra functional bag~ VV: ♚ ~ Thank you Prisma ✨ I'll carry your wallet for you then. I simply do have looks to upkeep even with my hue. When one works hard to keep a stance certain....choices come with it. VV: ♚ ~ Like a bag in a bag .

VV: ♚ ~ Don't apologize though DD~ You speak a lot but it's not exactly grating. Needs editing, some conciseness of course but ah~ You have a head about you which is more than can be said for some! Pity really. For them of course. They have my pity.

DD: oh but maybe i wouldnt mind some pity insert jokingly coy giggling here DD: you dont happen to be a particularly attractive rainbowdrinker bedecked in frills do you? DD: because i have recently discovered i am quite partial to those! DD: more seriously though thank you that is very lovely to hear especially from a princess of such good taste!

DD: but you are right in that i could do to be more concise my good friend often says similarly though admittedly it is more due to the linebreaks in my codewriting

DD: it is a work in progress!!!

VV: ♚ ~ Oh how transparent you seem to be! I am bedecked in frills often enough but unfortunatley, or rather fortunatley as I am fond of my rougey hue, I am not a jade let alone a deceased one. VV: ♚ ~ Plus my pusher is already claimed hohoho <3 VV: ♚ ~ There's always bound to be one that wanders into this forsaken chat one night though! Sweep them up before another troll does.

VV: ♚ ~ Or go for more...violent measures but I really don't and would never recommend someone get their owns hands dirty.

VV: ♚ ~ Ah! Speaking of maintanence. I must rest. Not that I require much upkeep but a good rest is important! Do rest well new friend, and Honeycomb prince as well~ Good light .

DD: i guess i am pretty transparent but its not as though i have anything to hide really DD: aide from company secrets of course but that's something im good at keeping mum about! DD: and oh dear i dont suppose i really know what you mean when it comes to more violent measures but that sounds like the sort of alarming thing maybe more suited towards the scary stories people brought up earlier!!

DD: and thank you very much i do hope you have a good rest as well!! DD: it is actually nearly moonlight over here as well and i should be turning in soon i just DD: got caught up working on a project of mine and lost track of time! DD: i was just taking a break when i turned on this chat but really i will go to bed DD: i only have to finish... DD: a few more minor things!!! DD: and maybe....

DD: hm!

SA: I apologize, I had to get ready for rest myself.

SA: finish them then?

SA: ..."would never advise someone to get their own hands dirty"

SA: 🤔 goodnight

DD: i am going to finish them!! DD: i just thought of another idea i could implement alongside the module that i am currently editing and oh dear

DD: i cant just stop now! DD: i am on a roll

DD: also i do believe our dear vv is advocating for the use of an auspistice! DD: or an assassin!! DD: i am not quite sure which!

DD: though i am a little bit inclined to select the mediator option on account of i have had some rather hands on dealings with assassins lately and it has all left a sour taste in my mouth!

DD: and not even the good kind of sour like you get with pickled herring

DD: oh dear i believe i am craving fish again DD: there is NO FISH here in the desert!!

ID: alright status report, how is everyone doing post-faire?

SA: Working.

SA has sent IMG_045.png. It is a selfie of him, angled high enough to show a blue or dark indigo troll pinned on the ground. They appear to be unconscious

ID: pftttt. nice selfie background there. better be careful. =:P

SA: this is the last one for the night 😄

SA: I am excited to go hive and sleep.

SA: How are you? How was the party at Siparas?

ID: i'm sure you are.

ID: i'm good. tired, but i didn't expect to sleep well so it's whatever. watched way more fantasy trolls crying about having to dump a magic ring than i ever wanted to.

SA: Oh, it was the lord of the rings?

SA: what would you do if your friend wouldn't let go of the ring, Hadean.

ID: uh i probably would have ganked the ring like. a perigee ago lbh.

SA: it isn't even that useful... Doesn't it just turn the wearer invisible?

ID: i don't know, the evil dude seemed to make it seem like it could do more. maybe it can amplify psi or something. i think the main whiny guy was a flatscan.

SA: maybe. How else would you become a flaming eye.

SA: truly living the life.

ID: idk it was fun. lots of eyecandy at least.

SA: the elves are always nice ❤

SA: I appreciate the costuming more than anything. much better than the chainmail bikinis at the faire.

ID: i liked aragon. he seemed like a cool guy.

SA: And he even got all of his quadrants in the end with his kingdom surviving.

ID: and he got to lead like. all the cool fights.

SA: I'm growing my hair out.

SA: this is what I've gained from this conversation.

SA: I want you to know this.

SA: Hang on, my client is being difficult.

ID: pff if you're gonna, go for it! you got one of those damn mugs that gets to look good no matter what, so.

AA: omggg. but will it blow majestically in the wind? >:}

ID: he already can see stuff.

ID: pris, what do your cuspy eyes see?

SA: Me beating the shit out of this fuchsia if they don't double my pay.

ID: pffff live the dream pris. and get good with a bow.

SA: I am good with a long distance rifle, does that count

SA: No, it will not blow majestically in the wind.

SA: problem resolved. cusp is now theirs.

SA: I can go hive now.

ID: i mean a rifle is just an advanced bow right. so sure.

AA: booooo, no point in long hairn w/o it blowing.

ID: uh the point is to put it in a cool braid. obvs.

AA: brnaid? singularn?? n.

AA: go big orn go home, hads, gotta have, like, at L E A S T a dozen beforne they'rne cool. >:}

SA: Hadean's hair is. too long.

ID: bite me. =:I i like my braid.

AA: you like plenty of lame shit, brnah, embrnace it. accept yrn weak sauce brnaid tastes. >:P

AA: and too long???

SA: emerel stepped on it during the fight, that's too long.

ID: i got him off of it, didn't i?

ID: i mean him stepping on it was just being spiteful.

ID: and i really should've put a spike through his foot for it.

AA: y, that. on both. AA: you can't do yrn app by what ppl might grnab, othernwise, you'll just, like. AA: look borning as fuck. >:P

ID: i mean if it wasn't my braid, he'd have been stomping on my horns.

ID: i have a very grab-able appearance.

SA: I feel as if his foot would have rolled off though due to the shape.

SA: You do.

SA: If I ever need to stop you I can just reach slightly a head but I may also clothesline you

ID: wow pris, don't clothesline me. or grab at me, hella rude. why would you need to stop me! =:P

SA: Maybe I saw something cute in a window and wanted to show you while shopping.

SA: I have clotheslined people as they've ran away, however. It is. hilarious.

SA: because I knoww here they will be so I stategically do nothing.

ID: ....it's called telling me to stop pris, c'mon.

SA: I know that

SA: Please, like I would actually do it...

ID: i like not being clotheslined. =:P

SA: I would never clothesline you.

SA: does that help

ID: yes.

SA: In general i would never intentionally cause you harm.

SA: sleep well at night.

AA: lmao. awww.

AA: but will you watch him while he sleeps to guarantee he sleeps well?? bc, like, if we'rne clarnifying things, that totes is apparnently a thing that should be clarnified, too.

ID: no we cleared that watching people sleep is fucking creepy.

SA: I am not going to watch him sleep...

ID: though apparently pheres disagrees.

AA: okay, okay, good. >:}

SA: I admit I am unsettling but i am at least vaguely aware of proximics and personal boundaries.

ID: i sleep like shit without worrying about someone watching me sleep. =:I

AA: we do not talk abt phern's shitty rnom tastes, 'kay, we just close ourn bulbs and trny to ignorne them.

AA: and gj, prni. AA: the vaguely is totes still ominous tho. >:} jsyk.

SA: it is what i do best.

SA: It's how i keep my clients in line and from not abducting me 😉

SA: nom tastes?

ID: romantic tastes.

SA: ah.

AA: .... AA: ........ AA: WTF arne yrn clients trnying to abduct you forn.

SA: nothing, it was a joke.

ID: oh.

SA: however I would be a convenient thing to trap and use of free.

ID: i figured they'd try and abduct you to use your psi without having to, y'know. pay you. seems about right.

SA: yes

SA: I've only been threatened a few times.

SA: The Provenance underground is much more managable, though.

AA: >:{

AA: did you cull em?

ID: trolls can be fucking weird.

SA: They have been dealt with in a way that doesn't cause me long-standing harm, let me put it like this.

SA: murder isn't a sollution always, their court will come after you.

ID: you ever meet some of those highbloods that read helmsman romance.

ID: they'll make you want to scrub your skin raw after talking to them for like. a second.

AA: hmph. did you at least make a good example of them?? bc, like, if yrn getting pushed arnound, then not fucking making a points only gonna get theirn peeps brnave.

SA: I don't get pushed around.

AA: ugh, y. lived with one. they'rne the fucking wornst.

AA: good!!

SA: don't worry, I am fairly good at this.

SA: as naive as I often seem.

SA: crime and work and military are things i excel at.

ID: the fucking worst is right.

SA: What happens in helmsman romances?

ID: and go pris. =:)

SA: I understand the concept but... how.

AA: y, y, obvs you arne a strnong independent - hahahaha.

AA: hads can dd you, bc I ain't in the mood to scrnub my hands clean aftern. >:P

ID: oh. you know. usually they start out in a clade or a quad. and then end up getting drafted to the helm. and the highblood happens to be on the same ship.

SA: ...what is a clade.

SA: I have been holding off asking for fear of embarassment

ID: ah... like... the trolls that are quadded to your quad?

SA: ah.

AA: y! enclades arne the ppl you ain't piling, but, like, you still can't cull, bc it'd be fucked up. and if someone culls them, you gotta rnetaliate, orn Y RN fucked up.

ID: yeah. sips knows. i'm like the worst troll to talk about clades.

SA: ...that is immensely complicated.

ID: yeah social shit usually is.

AA: also, ngl, the ones I knew abt werne all, like, crneepy bluebloods falling forn theirn ship, bc the insurnmountable bond bw trnoll and ship, ect ect, and, like, despernate lost in space piles, and pirnate rnaids makin' the helms all like 'I'm the only one allowed to cull them!!', and AA: ughhh, I'm grnossing myself out.

ID: i know mostly about the younger helms novels.

AA: >:? AA: it isn'ttttt. it's totes ez, dudes.

SA: that's. horrific.

SA: that would be like writing a romance story between my program psions and their handlers.

SA: but much worse, because were are children

SA: disgusting.

ID: yeah, well. it happens.

ID: and some trolls really buy in to the idea.

ID: me and pris have never been a part of a clade so. it seems complicated to us.

SA: it sounds like it would cause a long chain cycle of revenge.

ID: i mean being part of a clade is supposed to help. prevent trolls from wanting to cull your ass i think?

ID: for fear of being counter-culled by the clade.

SA: But I feel like it would make it hard to operate as well.

SA: fear of causing tension or rejection.

SA: attrox's matesprit was a virulent, hateful thing who was also quadded to my roommate.

SA: and there was a lot of tension between him and anyof attrox's other quadrants or friends.

SA: htey broke up perhaps because of my intervention.

SA: I don't feel particularly bad.

ID: that's when you get an ashen or whatever. or break up, that works.

SA: how do you auspistice something when they don't acknowledge there is a problem?

SA: despite one of them crying contantly about how much they hurt.

SA: I do not know.

SA: I would be happy with a red or a romantic pale, if I had to have a quadrant. And just one.

AA: i mean, y, can totally starnt a wicked rnevenge cycle. but it's like hads said. AA: and lmao, you can't be a clade if ppl arne unhealthy shitfurnoodles, dude. all you can do is wipe yrn hands of that shit.

AA: .. why not pitch?? >:

AA: >:?

ID: my bachelor lifestyle has worked out alright for me.

SA: there's reasons but i'd rather not explain.

AA: you don't gotta quad if you don't wanna. but, like, idk, don't let crnazy fuckerns turn you off?? ppl arne always batshit. AA: and quads arne fun. >:} like, idk, i ain't evern without a pitch, bc.. it'd be fucking borning.

SA: i don't see excitement in that, though.

AA: flushrnoms lame tho, txt it.

SA: i have enough excitement in my life. I would be happy knowing I feel safe with someone.

ID: i mean pitch is supposed to be safe rivalry.

SA: Well yes but that's not what i meant.

AA: yrn supposed to feel safe w yrn kismesis, losern. if they'rne dangernous, it ain't pitch, it's, like. fucked up pale w pails.

SA: what

ID: idk i have a shitty personality for quads, so i just leave them be.

ID: yeahhh some people pail their pales. weird quadrant smearing stuff.

AA: y, it's grnoss. and stfu, yrn fine. have you evern even trnied having a quad??

SA: Pailing is.

SA: unsanitary.

SA: kissing is fine though. i think kissing would be nice in theory.

SA: but nothing is better than my cold bed.

ID: ...

AA: lmaooo.

AA: well, shit, then get a fish.

AA: >:P

SA: i left the airconditioning on so everything is cold and it's very nice.

SA: ...I don't... want a fish.

ID: i like lukewarm best.

ID: i got too hot and too cold easy.

SA: sharing a bed with you must be hell on alternia.

ID: only if you don't want me to bake you. =:P

SA: see.

AA: rneal talk!! have neithern of you, like, evern had quads??

AA: evern?? >:

AA: >:?

ID: i mean... nah.

SA: No.

SA: quads were discouraged for program psions.

SA: I actually believe we are all sterile so it wouldn't matter.

SA: But I am unsure of the specifics.

AA: holy shit. at both of you - AA: uH.

SA: ...

SA: was that too much information.

AA: y. am kinda curnious how the f you know that, but, like, sparne me the deets.

SA: i think you misunderstand but i will spare you.

ID: it's okay pris, we can be quadless coolguys.

SA: excellent. we can be Kool together.

SA: just what i wanted.

AA: wow, rnude, making a club wo me. when I'm like, rnight herne. AA: I am qqing irnl, jsyk.

ID: what, you got no quads?

AA: n, i've had way2many to join yrn quadfrnee club. >:P

SA: then continue qqing

ID: exactly, so no blubbering. =:P

SA: :p

AA: so go get quads and join the lam -- LMAO M E A N.

AA: fucking rnude frnom both of you. >:}

SA: only the best of rudeness for you, sipara.

SA: ❤

ID: deal with it. =:P

AA: no wondern you don't have any w those shining pernsonalities. AA: ... omg, okay, but prni is forngiven, bc that's qt A N D weirnd.

AA: hads can still fuck off tho. >:P

ID: =:PPPP

SA: Oh--- haha

ID: i've just managed fiiine without quads.

AA: lmao, if you say so.

SA: same.

AA: lbrn tho, idk how anyone manages without a moirnail.

ID: like i do. duh.

AA: .. inc you, mrn dumpstern firne.

SA: you surround yourself with stable individuals.

SA: like me.

SA: i am impervious to emotional distress.

ID: rude!

ID: i just do whatever i want and it usually works out!

AA: y, see, that's not actually good. >:}

AA: and lmaooo. y, like getting stabbed w a halbernd wornks out, rnight? >:P

ID: i'm still alive aren't i

ID: and i didn't technically lose.

ID: so it mostly worked out.

AA: that's a low fucking barn to have, losern.

ID: and yet i limbo under it like a pro.

AA: loooook. rnails arne forn, like.. making surne you don't rnun into shit like that. orn crnack yrn horns on yrn stupid limbo barn of surnvival. orn prni doesn't get jumped forn being weirnd and emojiless at the wrnong time.

AA: if you don't have any othern quads, you should totally have that.

SA: wouldn't it be a high bar because it would be so easy to pass.

SA: if it were limb.

ID: the only troll i can trust to have my best interests at pumper is myself. i'm just my own moirail, clearly.

ID: sometimes i'm just lazy on the job.

AA: lmao, yrn a p shit one, then. trnade up!!

SA: you and hadean often stop me from revealing all my secrets, which is good enough.

SA: but in day to day life whether or not I properly express myself is often irrelevant and infact volatile high bloods often take it as a threat as i cann't be coerced convetnionally.

ID: hey, i'm doing alright. =:P

ID: i'm too high maintenance for anyone else to stand.

SA: i find you tolerable if extremely unwise.

SA: 😄

AA: wherne is yrn hotel rnoom again, bc I'm gonna punch you. >:}

SA: (this is a joke)

SA: Whose?

AA: and lmao, prni. gd.

AA: hads. Ï can't punch you. that'd be so fucked up. >:}

SA: ... why

SA: I demand equal punching rights.

ID: i'll give you my punch coupon pris.

SA: thank you for this generous gift

LC: [ ... I see everYYone is doing well and fine ]

AA: n, too bad, you ain't getting em. these fists arne a summern exclusive and I've alrneady stamped Hads name on both.

SA: sipara's coachella fists.

AA: y!!

ID: =:'( don't punch me, i'm already half broke already.

LC: [ So what exactlYY did Hadean do that he is going to get punched, and Sipara whYY do YYou want to get punched? ] LC: [ I see no logical reason behind... wanted to get punched is all. ]

ID: oh hi yern.

SA: hello yern.

LC: [ Hello. ]

ID: pris is gonna punch me because she's jelly of my self-moirail abilities.

SA: let me take hadean's punch for him.

SA: i am sipara now.

AA: arne you punching him now??

SA: =>:} worms

AA: LMFAO

LC: [ Is that... healthYY though? ] LC: [ Oh mYY. ]

AA: G T F Ö, you rnuined my quirnk.

ID: it's like looking in a mirror huh sips.

SA: =>:} wornms.

ID: better?

AA: y, ty ty, gj.

SA: oh yes, the rn thing.

ID: i'm healthy as fuck yern.

AA: also like brnb must feed and watern lal. and by that, I mean he's snorning and I'm pourning watern on him til he stops. >:{

SA: oh dear.

ID: get it up his nub, that'll get him.

SA: ...nose?

LC: [ But is self-moirailing healthYY? I am not aware of such research paper existing as of right now. ] LC: [ To a degree, I am positive it works and I hope it's not just YYour last ditch effort of taking care of YYourself. ]

ID: hahah wowww. last ditch effort, that's hella rude.

SA: self moirailing could also be considered minding.

ID: i'm positive i'm a well oiled self-moirailing machine.

SA: which is a required skill for basic social navigation and problem solving.

SA: so I don't have it.

SA: :p

ID: =:P

LC: [ Well, I am not suggesting YYou can't get a moirail even if YYou wanted to. ] LC: [ And well. ]

ID: and cheat on myself? never.

ID: it's impossible to break up with yourself. i'm pretty sure.

SA: you could look at your reflection and tell it you are done with its shit.

AA: ^^^^

ID: i don't take breakups well, i'd start strangling myself. =:'(

AA: brneak the mirnrnorn!!

LC: [ I mean, that works. ]

SA: "i'm finding a REAL moirail now!"

AA: yeah!!

SA: this tells me a lot more about hadean's coping mechanisms than I would like

ID: why are you all so against me as my moirail, hella rude.

SA: note to self: strangulation is a hazard.

ID: i cope just fine!

AA: bc you desernve a prnettiern one, duh, and we only want the best form you. >:}

SA: technically I am my own moirail too only I haven't stated it outloud.

AA: and by best, we mean prnettiest.

SA: so no one can drag me.

SA: ... oh...

ID: i'm pretty as fuck. =>:P

LC: [ Well, maYYbe we care about YYou. ] LC: [ I might not know YYou as well as the others but. I think the others might be able to vouch for mYY words. ]

AA: prni. prniiiiiii.

LC: [ Prisma. ]

AA: I'm gonna drnag you now.

ID: yeah let's focus on pri he needs this more.

SA: do you want to see me make this chat sad in one sentence.

AA: ❤

SA: i'm going to.

SA: my inhibitor is my moirail.

SA: 😃

AA: oh, gtfo m

LC: [ When YYou saYY no one can drag YYou, that's a prettYY open invitation. ]

LC: [ Uhm. ]

ID: i mean. i guess it does stop you from doing anything too dumb.

LC: [ I... guess. ]

AA: hads, n.

AA: that's dumb and yrn dumb.

AA: almost as dumb as that statement. >:{

SA: it stops me from destroying myself which is the same thing, right.

ID: yeah!

SA: you narrowly limbo under death and I narrowly avoid having a catastrophic meltdown.

ID: now if it'll shock you when you blab too much.

SA: you already do that.

SA: oh wait doe this mean I can't use hearts anymore.

SA: <>

ID: whoa there pris, don't make me get jealous over myself.

SA: hahaha

AA: wait wtf you knew what hrnts werne the entirne time??

ID: back off my man.

ID: i'll cut you.

LC: [ YYou guYYs could reallYY use a moirail. ]

SA: ... what do you mean I knew what hearts were the entire time.

SA: of course I knew what i meant everytime I did this

SA: ❤

SA: I can't believe you all thught i was enough of a space cadet to not know.

SA: oh my god.

AA: oh my god, i take back my hrnt at you, weirndo.

ID: i got my moirai yern, duh.

AA: Ö H M Y G Ö D. fuck offffff. >:}

ID: i can't let myself hear all this negative talk about myself. i'll get mad.

AA: yrn exactly that level of space cadet.

ID: and hey pris i figured you knew what they meant.

ID: i mean. it's a heart.

ID: you're naive, not idiotic.

SA: oh so sipara just thought I was a fool.

SA: alright I see how it is.

SA: it's not weird, it's a way of denoting affection.

SA: my hearts are platonic.

SA: unless specified otherwise.

ID: 🖤

SA: oh it's invisible.

ID: use that one. really fuck with trolls.

SA: thank you ❤

LC: [ Ah, uh. I forgot to finish mYY sentence. ] LC: [ Hadean, well I trust YYou that it works so I hope it will keep working. ] LC: [ And uh. Invisible hearts? ]

ID: 🖤 🖤 🖤

ID: are they invisible? i see them.

LC: [ I see. For sYYmbolizing "platonic love" but not in the <> sense? ]

SA: they look sort of invisible on my phone but my backlight is dark.

LC: [ Or did I just miss the point. ]

SA: i think it's more for kismesisitude crossed with matespritship.

ID: they don't have a white heart this is bullshit.

LC: [ ... Wouldn't that be a black heart? ]

AA: i can't see them eithern. >:{

SA: well it is a black hert.

ID: 💙 we can use this one for platonic hearts?

SA: but that requires... finding it in the list.

AA: haaads, stop trn - nnnnn.

AA: and it's blue!!

SA: or you could all assume that if I'm using a heart... it's... platonic.

ID: 💚

SA: and you all can use the multicolored rainbow hearts.

SA: nevermind I like that one.

SA: that's my new heart.

SA: it's my color.

AA: prni, it's way morne fun if yrn, like, madly in love with evernyone, tho.

ID: there you go!

LC: [ Ah. ] LC: [ Noted. ] LC: [ And it is. ] LC: [ Sipara please. ]

ID: i fixed everything. again.

SA: yes, sipara. I will die for you i am so in. love. with you.

AA: yrn like the rnomcom lead we nevern wanted!!

SA: Hadean too

SA: everyone in this chat.

LC: [ Heh. ]

SA: you are all. my matesprit.

AA: amazing. >:} wait no wow back it up.

ID: hey i don't share! rude!

SA has sent :/.png it's a selfie of him makng an even more unamused face than usual

LC: [ Incredible. ]

SA: oh so I can only pick one is that it.

AA: it's gotta be unrneciprocated, that's wherne the com comes in!!

ID: i though the com comes from them both feeling romantic inclinations but not knowing how to act on them correctly.

AA has sent DUH.PNG. It's a selfie of her sticking out her tongue like a mature adult.

AA: why not both, hads??

SA: I thught the commeant comedy.

LC: [ YYou must pick Prisma. ] LC: [ Though while I understand it's currentlYY for amusement's sake. ]

LC: [ ... I hope. ]

SA: Who has to pick prisma.

SA: this is morphing into a dystopian love carat.

SA: everyone wants me and I don't want anyone.

ID has sent ravishingromcominterest.png! It's a selfie of him with his hair down making the most overdramatic puppy eyes.

AA: p surne i watched an anime like that once. >:P

SA: anti-harem.

AA: !!!

SA: Put those eyes away, Hadean.

ID: never.

SA: i don't wnat that face on my phome.

ID: too late.

SA: damn you.

ID: =:PPPPP

SA: 💚

LC: [ Well, I got some romantic interest lYYing elsewhere, so I have alreadYY picked them. SorrYY for letting YYou down Prisma. ]

AA: why keep yrn hairn brnaided?? it's so fucking shiny.

SA: oh, well, yern.

ID: uh because it fucking tangles to fucking hell. duh.

SA: that's fine I didn't want you anywyas.

SA: i am now the spiteful lead.

SA: it's called conditioner.

AA: y, why not brnush it morne and keep it unbrnaided??

LC: [ Well, no offense was taken. ]

AA: Y E A H.

ID: and yeah i got some sweet hair. even though i abuse the fuck out of it.

ID: conditioner costs cash!

ID: and i don't want to be brushing it 24/7 when i'm traveling.

SA: at least put it in a ponytail every so often.

LC: [ WhYY would YYou need to brush it 24/7 while travelling. ] LC: [ Just brush it at the morning, then at the evening. If the weather is windYY, tie it up. ]

SA: wouldn't it be easier to have short hair because you can't take careo f it....?

SA: get a hipster cut like mine.

LC: [ Well I happen to have quite a long hair and I also travel alot. ]

SA: i now advocate you being bald.

LC: [ It's manageable, and also up to what others feel comfortable with. ]

LC: [ Well, no thank YYou. MYY hair is prettYY nice as it is. ]

LC: [ I have a feeling being bald got more disadvantages than advantages to it. ]

SA: not if you wear hats.

SA: I am not tired for once and I don't know how to feel about this.

LC: [ I am not a fan of hats. TheYY are weird. ] LC: [ Wouldn't YYou feel, well, content? Not feeling like falling into a nap for once. ]

ID: i like my braid. =:I

SA: I will make you a daisy chain to loop in it when you come shopping.

ID: my face doesn't look as nice with short hair i don't think.

AA: nnnn, don't cut yrn hairn. long headfluff is bettern, obvs. prni, you should grnow yrns out. >:P

ID: why is your hair short then sips.

SA: i'll grow mine out when I'm ready to commit to a domestic stepford quad.

SA: 😐

LC: [ Well that sounds quite unfortunate. ]

SA: why is your hair short, then, yes

AA: it was down to the floorn, tyvm, and some chucklefuck cut it off.

AA: >:1

LC: [ Long hair can be quite useful. ]

SA: ...what is its use? as a rope?

LC: [ It can warm the back YYour neck during winter. YYou could use it to get cozYY with the help of it. And no. ]

ID: ah man that sucks. =:/

ID: cull them for it?

ID: or chop their hair back? =>:D

SA: scalp them.

SA: two birds one stone.

LC: [ And oh. Did YYou fight them back Sipara? ]

AA: lmfao. that was like, six pernigees ago. it's way longern than it was. and y, y, dnw, i cut off theirn frnonds and fed them to them. >:P

AA: bettern than culling!

SA: that's even worse than i imagined.

ID: i mean i don't go to cold places too much and i'm constantly warm, so. i just like my hair.

SA: I feel sick now.

SA: not really.

ID: hahahah, that'll teach 'em.

AA: it's a jk, nerndlet.

SA: I wish i had someone to get breakfast with.

SA: it did teach them I am sure.

SA: and also brutally traumatized them

ID: damn, i liked the feeding them fronds idea.

ID: what. was it the yellow chucklefuck?

ID: ....fillin?

SA: ....yellow chucklefuck?

LC: [ Well that's a combination of words I didn't expect to see... together. ]

ID: it's some sparkplug that got brainwashed in to being downw ith clowns or something, dnw.

LC: [ Wow. How unfortunate. Like, genuinelYY unfortunate. ]

SA: that's. horrific.

SA: I still can't believe we have...

LC: [ It is. ]

SA: nevermind.

SA: I am a good person.

AA: haha, n, it was a lame-o teal frnom the rning. same place as my face. >:1 AA: and hmm?

AA: haha, it's a little fucked, y.

SA: teals are unusually arrogant.

LC: [ Well, I most definitelYY don't want to know how manYY non-purplebloods got "brainwashed" to be part of the Dark Carnival. ]

ID: teals are the worst. they're in that in-between area that makes them overcompensate.

AA: ^

ID: i mean it's no worse than young psis getting brainwashed by everything else that'll brainwash you. really.

SA: military.

LC: [ MYY experiences with tealbloods been reallYY... mixed. But there are some who are trulYY trYYing to overcompensate. ]

SA: trafficking.

SA: etc

ID: exactly. we're such a hot commodity doncha know.

LC: [ Well, anYYkind of brainwashing is still brainwashing and negativelYY well... affects the troll in question. ]

SA: in some ways it was a positive experience for me.

AA: oh my god.

LC: [ YYou are the rare exception in that case. ]

LC: [ Unless it was pure sarcasm. Then nevermind. ]

ID: i mean. trolls like pris are becoming depressingly more common, y'know?

SA: no, I did learn much more from my program than I would haveb eing left on planet without being put in.

SA: But I would also still have complete feelings.

ID: they're deciding we don't last long enough to get a happy wrigglerhood.

SA: so you tell me.

SA: yes.

SA: My saboteur training began as soon as I was old enough to think and obey.

LC: [ I am aware. ]

AA: idk, it ain't that bad, if you don't have them cutting into yrn pan. AA: i mean, we'rne all gonna end up in the militarny anyway. >:/

SA: 😃 will we

ID: i mean. that's a big if for some of us there sips.

SA: I won't.

ID: you were already in the military pris, that counts.

SA: damn you.

LC: [ Well, I wish lowerbloods got more leewaYY just as higherbloods. And I don't have manYY intentions to be part of the militarYY. ]

SA: no but if you are sorted there then you will be but if not you will be fine.

SA: if I were recaptured and retested I would still tesr for the military based on psionics but also because my protective instincts are outrageously high.

SA: lavender chai sounds good.

LC: [ Well I'd rather not. I am a cartographer and a mapmaker, not a troll who wants to deal with official paperwork and not seeing a planet for the rest of mYY lifespan. ] LC: [ ... And I am aware I am more fortunate that I can counter-argue against it. ]

SA: you could become part of recon

ID: i mean yer is high enough, he'll get some more choice.

ID: esp if he's actually good at what he wants to do.

ID: ...you're a he, right.

LC: [ Well, I positivelYY am. And YYes. ]

ID: see? nothing for him to worry about.

LC: [ If I happened to end up as a ship captain or anYYthing (Not sure if I'd qualifYY), I'd probablYY do mYY best to provide mYY crew an actuallYY pleasant... work experience. ]

LC: [ Which is a major "If", cause being a ship captain sounds stressful. ]

ID: man, my pumper breaks for you. =:P

LC: [ I see YYour sarcasm and I am not going to counter it with sarcasm. ]

ID: good because i would have had to make it weird if you did.

SA: I don't know if you want praise for this attempt to be a decent person or not

ID: c'mon pris, he's trying! that's better than like. most of the highbloods in here.

LC: [ ... Prisma. ] LC: [ I am aware I am "priviliged" and no waYY will I ever experience what lowerbloods got to go through. ]

LC: [ I am prettYY self-aware, thank YYou verYY much. ]

SA: I never said you weren't.

LC: [ Well, some implications were there. AnYYwaYY. I am not going to go into anYYkind of sob stories. ] LC: [ I am just generallYY trYYing to be a decent troll and not judge one bYY it's caste if theYY happen to be lower on the spectrum. ]

ID: so yern, you watch lord of the rings.

LC: [ I saw it a long while ago with a friend. WhYY? ]

ID: because i just watched it and i now judge everyone based on which eyecandy they like best.

ID: so c'mon. desert island, stuck with one of them. which one.

AA: hads taste is shit, btw.

ID: fuck off aragon was alright for a fish.

ID: though i did like her better before i knew she was a fish.

ID: bitch tricked me in to liking her. D:<=

EA: +Can confirm. Shit tast=.-

ID: you guys could've told me she was a fish!

AA: wrnong, legolas was totes bettern. AA: but ikrn? she was sornt of qt if you didn't know she was hiding fucking gills.

LC: [ Well, I am not a big movie buff and it's been awhile ago since I saw it, so I'd have to rewatch it to make a decision based on it. ]

ID: i was betrayed by all of you and i'll never forgive you.

AA: U N F Ö RN T U N A T E L Y.

ID: http://img14.deviantart.net/142f/i/2013/233/e/4/lady_aragorn_1_by_lauratolton-d6j3xy7.jpg

ID: so much better before she was totally revealed as a fish. =:'(

EA: +W=ll, h=r b=ing garbag= had nothing to do with th= fins, r=ally. If you ask m=. - EA: +It was th= fact that sh= was in a garbag= movi= s=ri=s.-

ID: i mean it could have used like. 200% more bloodshed.

ID: the talking parts got too fancy and boring sometimes. =:/

LC: [ Well, that's what YYou get when the director is a seadweller. ]

SA: Legolas is perfect. And you're making a mistake Hadean

ID: legolas was too flimsy looking for me. =:'(

EA: +L=golas is fangirl bait =:|-

ID: yeah why'd he get all the super cool fight sequences.

AA: legolas is hot af and you can both fight me, soz.

SA: oh so am I too flimsy too 😢

ID: sorry pris, you couldn't even beat me in throwing knives. =:P

ID: get gud.

AA: y, prni. he is the twig judging the rnest of the fornest.

SA: it's okay when you're vetter I'll properly destroy you.

ID: swoon. =:PPPPPP

SA: if that's all it takes why not gimli...

SA: oh-- true, sipara

ID: because gimli wasn't hot!

ID: duh.

EA: +L=golas do=sn't =v=n look lik= h= could kick down a door without br=aking his lifts.- EA: +Giv= m= a strong girl clad in armor with a broadsword any night of th= w==k inst=ad.-

LC: [ So do YYou pick faves based* on their looks, Hadean? ]

ID: a mix of looks and being able to kick ass.

SA: Hadean is a shallow mother fucker of course he does

LC: [ Well, figures. ]

ID: says the guy who rated me a 7/10!

SA: well you are a 7/10 this is a logical facr

EA: +7/10 is g=n=rous-

AA: come watch me flarnp, gausia, you'll totes swoon. >:P

ID: says the one who shaves stars in her hair.

AA: y, clearnly he is 8/10, stfu.

EA: +I would if you practic=d prop=r hyg=ni=, mayb= =:P-

SA: 😳

ID: i can only go up from 8/10.

LC: [ Well. ]

EA: +Do you hav= som=thing against stars? Stars ar= hott=r than you'll =v=r b=! By s=v=ral d=gr==s!-

AA: n, mud is my aesthetic, soz yrn 2lame to apprneciate.

LC: [ Stars are much hotter than anYYone in here, in fact. ]

EA: +^-

ID: i mean body-temperature wise maybe. but i'm pretty unnaturally hot that way too. =:P

LC: [ Well Hadean, a star still beats YYou nonetheless. ]

LC: [ SorrYY to disappoint YYou. ]

SA: Hadean is a 10/10 for being hell to share a bed with

SA: I am feeling shockingly lucid today it's wonderful

EA: +That r=minds m=, I do n==d to g=t Sipara som= stuff from Lush som=tim=. Mayb= th=n sh= can prop=rly b= brib=d into taking a bath.-

LC: [ ... Do I want to know the details Prisma? ]

ID: c'mere and i'll put my burning star hands on you.

ID: what's a lush.

SA: Someone who drinks and flirts

ID: ...sip is already kinda a lush isn't she.

SA: also don't touch me with your grubby star hands

AA: lmfao. Y E S.

ID: i meant ea pris. but i'll grab you too. =:P

SA: at least use some sanitizer first

AA: accornding to the tabloids. and you. app. >:P

SA: oh! The betrayal

ID: i'm about to get in to the bath, i'll be hella clean. =>:I

SA: 🛁

LC: [ YYou most definitelYY will be, Hadean. ]

ID: just gotta, y'know. juggle a phone and try not smacking my broke ass arm on the way in.

EA: +Oh, right. Uh. Lush is sort of lik=... a plac= wh=r= you go to g=t, uh... bath products that ar= usually d=void of ch=micals that can b= harmful to your skin, and stuff? It's sort of hoity toity highblood stuff, but, th= stuff sm=lls r=ally good...- EA: +Also bath bombs. Mak= your whol= bath tub look lik= spac= or lik=, a uh... tropical, fruity thing. I am not th= b=st at this.-

ID: ...sips i want to go to a lush. =:I is there a lush on the drive.

LC: [ Well YYou'd have an easier time not having YYour phone with YYou, especiallYY if onlYY one of YYour hands is free due to the other... being broken. ] LC: [ What did YYou do at the carnival that YYou managed to break it? ]

ID: fought a jade with a halberd. duh.

ID has sent itstotesgettingbetter.png! Boy is that a broke arm. But it's giving a thumbs up.

LC: [ Oh. Well. ] LC: [ At least YYou are doing well, nonetheless. ]

SA: i am going to slap you if you don't stop using that hand

AA: .. gausia, wtf you trnying to buy me lush forn? >:}

SA: she is making unsubtle advances obviously

SA: 😐

AA: and y, we can find one. but also pls slap him, prni. AA: wtf is it out of the cast forn??

ID: it got itchy.

SA: HADEAN

EA: +This was a jok= that larg=ly got out of my hands, onc=... I finally und=rstood that no on= knows what Lush is.- EA: +Shut up, SA.-

AA: .. let me cornrnect that. you can buy me lush, Gausie, but you still ain't allowed in the trnap. soz. >:P

ID: just give the free lush to me. duh.

SA: 🤣

SA: gausia

SA: we've met before

EA: +I don't want to b= in your trap! It would b= an actual, lit=ral trap!-

SA: 🤔

EA: +... Wait, what? hav= w=?-

SA: Prisma

SA: coffee.

SA: you spilt everything

EA: +... - EA: +No, totally don't know you. Not at all.-

AA: loool, what.

SA: 🤔🤔🤔

ID: well then.

EA: +Okay, list=n, if I kn=w =v=ryon= I accid=ntly tripp=d into, spill=d som=thing onto, or, you know, I would, uh.... w=ll....- EA: +... know a lot of p=opl=.-

SA: but we talked

ID: let's move on to a more interesting topic. also if i don't reply very often, you try typing and washing your ass-length hair at the same time.

SA: well some of us cut our hair off and keep our arms in our casts like we're supposed to

ID: casts are evil torture devices.

SA: I am dragging my hands down my face.

ID: that are coated in a substance to make your skin itch under it.

SA: that is literally not how that works

AA: dude, when yrn arnm heals crnooked, I'm gonna have to rnebrneak it to set it strn8.

LC: [ Well, casts are meant to be kept on to help YYour bones staYY in one place while the break heals, Hadean. ]

AA: and I'm gonna make fun of you the entirne fucking time.

LC: [ BYY taking it off, YYou are making it worse. ]

SA: how did we know it was set straight the first time. Did anybody get him an x ray

ID: it's fine. does it look crooked? no.

LC: [ Just as Sipara said. ]

SA: Your face is going to look crooked if I see you again 👀

SA: but not really

EA: +W= can always just cut your arm off and g=t you a prosth=tic! I'll =v=n giv= you a discount!-

SA: oh.

ID: fuck that, my arm is going to heal straight as an arrow and i'm gonna shove it in alll of your faces.

SA: if it doesn't though...

ID: also x ray pris do i look like i'm made of money.

LC: [ If YYou saYY so. Then we will see. ]

AA: we didn't need an xrnay, I do this all the time, prni. >:}

AA: and n, n cutting off anything, omfg.

LC: [ And if YYour arm heals crooked and needs to be well uh... get it to re-heal the right waYY, I could paYY for YYour X-RaYYs. ]

ID: gee lc, thanks. it won't happen because i'm sturdy af but a+ using your powers for good right there.

AA: lmao, n. he's my patient, i totally got it coverned. >:}

ID: i mean who here hasn't broken bones before.

LC: [ I am not sure if that's a good thing, Sipara. ]

AA: haha, excuse me?

ID: hey sips is an a+ mediculler.

ID: i mean with all the fights she gets in to, patching herself up is enough to make her like. an expert.

AA: n, hush, let him finish, i am fucking curnious what mapboy thinks he knows abt mediculling.

ID: http://i.imgur.com/1AvMrPv.mp4

AA: >:P

LC: [ Well I am not sure if YYou got a medical training but YYour approach seems to be usuallYY more drastic, from what I can... see. ] LC: [ Not just from before but YYour general demeanour. No offense. ]

EA: +I got popcorn, who wants som=?-

ID: yoooo hmu.

LC: [ SorrYY to tell YYou but I am not here to start a fight through the internet, just state an opinion. ]

ID: sorry bud, you're in a fight now.

AA: oh, shit, if yrn not arnguing overn my crnedentials, yrn just qqing bc of my rnough pernsonality, then who the fuck am i to take offense?

AA: herne's an opinion: go choke on an entirne bulge. AA: xoxo. >:}

LC: [ ... No thanks. ]

LC: [ I'd rather not. ]

AA: rnly? yeah, guess not, wtf was I thinking. AA: go choke on yrn own bulge, how's that, brnah.

LC: [ Won't do that either, I am not nastYY. ]

EA: +Com= back to th= hot=l th=n!!!! B=for= w= =at it all.-

ID: i just got in the bath. =:'(

ID: got suds alll through my hair.

AA: now put conditionern in it. >:}

ID: i didn't buy any. you got conditioner?

EA: +Call room s=rvic=.-

AA: i am not trnekking overn to brning you conditionern. >:1

ID: i'm trekking over to you then. =:P can i use your trap to finish this bath.

AA: .. lmao, uhh. AA: y, surne, why not.

EA: +... you b=tt=r hav= a tow=l or I am actually going to call th= polic=.-

ID: dnw, i will not give you mental scars. got this sweet fucking robe.

SA: I left to get a frozen chai and I come back to this.

ID: sorry pris, you guys tell me to use conditioner, i gotta get it somehow.

SA: lord.

SA: maybe you need a bath set

AA: dw, it's warnm outside.

ID: i like baths. i just don't get them very often!

ID: omw sips, don't worry.

AA: and can a bathset beat my awesome conversation, prni?? obvs not. not even if you put my pan in a jarn with speakerns and those little floaties.

SA: 😦 I want to have bathtub conversations

ID: dnw pris, i'll still keep chatting on here while i'm chatting with sips. =:P

SA: yes but it's not the same as hearing your voice 💚

AA: go rnun a bath and it can be T W I C E of em. >:}

SA: 😂

SA: I could take a bath but I have no reason to. I'm still clean

ID: take a bath just for the fun of baths, duh!

AA: do it to paint yrn nails!

SA: mmrm

SA: paint my nails...

ID: man, sometime i'll drag the both of you to a hotspring.

ID: clearly that's the best option for bath chats.

SA: fine. I will draw a bath.

AA: make them prnetty! and glue shit in 'em.

SA: why would I glue things to them I have to work.

AA: and omg. >:} yyyy. therne arne, like, hot canals nearn my hive, but they'rne full of fish.

AA: to make them prnetty, duh, keep up.

SA: I don't have any bath bombs

SA: hot canals.. full of fish

SA: that sounds alarming

ID: i've found some springs that are fish-free. take some time off both of you and we can go.

SA: some fish eat skin in hot springs and it's good for you

ID: sips meant fish as in seadwellers. but that. eww.

SA: I'm going to drop my phone In here I'm sure

SA: oh.

SA; I thought she meant. Actual fish.

EA: +With th= discussion about sushi last night, I don't know if sh='s =v=r s==n a fish.- EA: +As in, an actual fish.-

AA: meant both. >:} but lmao, grnoss!

AA: ofc I did, nerndass, I lived on the coast forn two sweeps. seen, like, all the fish everny fish. evern the tentacle fish.

SA: you mean octopi and squids

ID: quick warning, almost to the room, hide your poor little blueblood eyes soon gaus.

SA: or jelly fish

AA: n, i meant tentacle fish. don't you brning that highblood shit into my hive. >:P

ID: my hand is full of phone so knock knock sips, hope you got the good conditioner in there. =:P

SA: 😠 I'll bring my high blood shit where I want

SA: okay I feel the joys of feeling slowly leaving.

SA: now I'm just tired. The bathtub tricked me

AA: brnb, brnb, be rnight therne.

ID: ahahah sorry pris. baths can be hella calming.

SA: you did this to me

SA: do you have a favorite scent

ID: i like spicy scents.

ID: but i don't know if they make hair stuff spicy.

ID: and by spicy i mean, like... cinnamon.

EA: +So do=s that m=an I n==d to r=turn th= jal=p=no bath bomb?-

ID: wow do i look like a masochist?

ID: i mean. the shoulder wound and broken arm might have thrown you off.

ID: so. fair assumption i guess.

SA: what about cinnamon and apple? Cardimom?

ID: apples smell alright, but just. anything spicy i like sniffing.

SA: oh, I should show you my cologne sometime, perhaps you'd like that.

SA: oud has a very specific scent.

SA: it's like sandalwood and spice.

ID: huh. sounds nice. let me sniff you up. =:P

SA: I will let you smell my wrist, let's keep a cap on sniffing.

ID: i'll take it. should've known you'd wear cologne. mr. fancy pants. =:P

SA: of course I do. I have a collection.

SA: it's one of my favorite things to shop for.

ID: sorry, got busy washing my hair.

SA: good, now it will be silky and beautiful.

SA: and not. bloody and dirty.

ID: I got the blood and dirt out of it like yesterday. =:P

SA: But was it washed and conditioned?

ID: i shampooed it! just not conditioner.

ID: it's hard to wash with just the one arm.

SA: If you keep complaining about it someone may offer to help you and I don't believe you want that.

SA: the more i listen the more i enjoy having short hair.

SA: I drink your tears.

ID: this is just some nice venting, not looking for sympathy/help! =:P

ID: yeah but my hair is cool as fuck.

ID: when i'm not dealing with a broken arm.

SA: You don't even deal with it when your arm isn't broken, though. It is pinned in a braid all the same.

SA: i am blowing disappointed bubbles into my bathwater i want you to know this.

ID: i brush it sometimes!

AA: n, no helping allowed, it'll be hilarnious when it frnizzes.

ID: ...does conditioner make it frizz.

ID: fucking rude sips. i wasn't told about this.

ID: now you gotta help me brush it so it doesn't.

AA: n, conditione AA: totally does make it frnizz, y.

SA: only if you use fluffing conditioner

AA: sinistern fucking shit rnight therne. >:}

ID: am i going to be fluffy now. =:I

SA: hotel conditioner is too cheap. I hope.

SA: I don't know. We'll have to find out who is right

AA: not if we brnush it, duh.

ID: hope you have a brush.

SA: you just said you wouldn't --

ID: where's the hairdryer.

ID: ...also should have brought clothes with me.

ID: i didn't think this through.

AA: i wasn't, but then he said i gotta, so w/e, w/e AA: do i look like i have a hairndrniern, dude? and

AA: lmfao omggg.

AA: p surne gausia is nevern gonna let you out of the trnap now, so, like, i hope you can eat soap. >:}

ID: hotels have hairdryers. i'll let myself out if i fucking have to. =:I the robe covers like. all of me.

SA: 😂

ID: unless the sight of my head, neck, and some calf are enough to kill her.

SA: possibly

ID: rip gausia then.

SA: I have to cease bathtub otherwise I will fall asleep here and I'd like to sleep in my bed

SA: see you later, Hadean, Sipara. Gausia.

ID: later pris.

AA: l8rn, dude.

ID: if gausia is gonna be a wriggler, come in here. =>:I

AA: see, if you wernen't a candle monstern, we'd have an easy solution. >:{ AA: lucky forn you, i am a fucking E N G I N E E RN.

ID: wtf is a candle monster.

AA: ... y'know, like, the wax museum things. except they'rne rnly fucking tall, and smothern ppl. also, coverned in wax. AA: get w yrn cinema, duh.

ID: i told you i don't watch movies. and why am i a candle monster.

AA: neway. Ï have made you the best fucking gift, and it's called S H E E T S. wrnap it like a tunic! voilaaa. >:}

AA: starnt watching them. be less lame!

ID: whatever, tunic sheets it is. and my phone speakers don't work and my husktop only works like. every now and then.

AA: and bc yrn also tall and drnippy. jfc, hads, keep up.

AA: prnobs bc you keep it all in a tent, dude. >:} js.

AA: also btw bettern be decent bc i am coming in in, like, five.

ID: my tent rocks and i'm decent af.

#c:hadean #c:gausia #c:taskur #c:prisma #c:dazzle

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