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be-gay-do-heists · 3 years

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hello yall :) the holy month of elul started last night, which is typically a time for contemplation, so since it is impossible for me to stop thinking about leverage, i decided to write an essay. hope anyone interested in reading it enjoys, and that it makes at least a little sense!! spoilers for leverage redemption

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Leverage, Judaism, and “Doing the Work”: An Essay for Elul

When it comes to Elul and the approaching High Holidays, Leverage might seem like an odd topic to meditate on.

The TNT crime drama that ran from 2008-2012, and which released a new season this summer following its renewal, centers on a group of found-family thieves who help the victims of corporations and oligarchs (sometimes based on real-world examples), using wacky heists and cons to bring down the rich and powerful. In one episode, the team’s clients want to reclaim their father’s prized Glimt piece that had been stolen in the Shoah and never returned, but aside from this and the throwaway lines and jokes standard for most mainstream television, there’s not a ton textually Jewish about Leverage. However, despite this, I have found that the show has strong resonance among Jewish fans, and lots of potential for analysis along Jewish themes. This tends to focus on one character in particular: the group’s brilliant, pop culture-savvy, and personable hacker, Alec Hardison, played by the phenomenally talented Aldis Hodge.

I can’t remember when or where I first encountered a reading of Hardison as Jewish, but not only is this a somewhat popular interpretation, it doesn’t feel like that much of a leap. In the show itself, Hardison has a couple of the aforementioned throwaway lines that potentially point to him being Jewish, even if they’re only in service of that moment’s grift. It’s hard to point to what exactly makes reading Hardison as Jewish feel so natural. My first guess is the easy way Hardison fits into the traditional paradigms of Jewish masculinity explored by scholars such as Daniel Boyarin (2). Most of the time, the hacker is not portrayed as athletic or physical; he is usually the foil to the team’s more physically-adept characters like fighter Eliot, or thief Parker. Indeed, Hardison’s strength is mental, expressed not only through his computer wizardry but his passions for science, technology, music, popular media, as well as his studious research into whatever scenario the group might come up against. In spite of his self-identification as a “geek,” Hardison is nevertheless confident, emotionally sensitive, and secure in his masculinity. I would argue he is representative of the traditional Jewish masculine ideal, originating in the rabbinic period and solidified in medieval Europe, of the dedicated and thoughtful scholar (3). Another reason for popular readings of Hardison as Jewish may be the desire for more representation of Jews of color. Although mainstream American Jewish institutions are beginning to recognize the incredible diversity of Jews in the United States (4), and popular figures such as Tiffany Haddish are amplifying the experiences of non-white Jews, it is still difficult to find Jews of color represented in popular media. For those eager to see this kind of representation, then, interpreting Hardison, a black man who places himself tangential to Jewishness, in this way is a tempting avenue.

Regardless, all of the above remains fan interpretation, and there was little in the text of the show that seriously tied Judaism into Hardison’s identity. At least, until we got this beautiful speech from Hardison in the very first episode of the renewed show, directed at the character of Harry Wilson, a former corporate lawyer looking to atone for the injustice he was partner to throughout his career:

“In the Jewish faith, repentance, redemption, is a process. You can’t make restitution and then promise to change. You have to change first. Do the work, Harry. Then and only then can you begin to ask for forgiveness. [...] So this… this isn’t the win. It’s the start, Harry.”

I was floored to hear this speech, and thrilled that it explained the reboot’s title, Leverage: Redemption. Although not mentioned by its Hebrew name, teshuvah forms the whole basis for the new season. Teshuvah is the concept of repentance or atonement for the sins one has committed. Stemming from the root shuv/shuva, it carries the literal sense of “return.” In a spiritual context, this usually means a return to G-d, of finding one’s way back to holiness and by extension good favor in the eyes of the Divine. But equally important is restoring one’s relationships with fellow humans by repairing any hurt one has caused over the past year. This is of special significance in the holy month of Elul, leading into Rosh haShanah, the Yamim Noraim, and Yom Kippur, but one can undertake a journey of redemption at any point in time. That teshuvah is a journey is a vital message for Harry to hear; one job, one reparative act isn’t enough to overturn years of being on the wrong side of justice, to his chagrin. As the season progresses, we get to watch his path of teshuvah unfold, with all its frustrations and consequences. Harry grows into his role as a fixer, not only someone who can find jobs and marks for the team, but fixes what he has broken or harmed.

So why was Hardison the one to make this speech?

I do maintain that it does provide a stronger textual basis for reading Hardison as Jewish by implication (though the brief on-screen explanation for why he knows about teshuvah, that his foster-parent Nana raised a multi-faith household, is important in its own merit, and meshes well with his character traits of empathy and understanding for diverse experiences). However, beyond this, Hardison isn’t exactly an archetypical model for teshuvah. In the original series, he was the youngest character of the main ensemble, a hacking prodigy in the start of his adult career, with few mistakes or slights against others under his belt. In one flashback we see that his possibly first crime was stealing from the Bank of Iceland to pay off his Nana’s medical bills, and that his other early hacking exploits were in the service of fulfilling personal desires, with only those who could afford to pay the bill as targets. Indeed, in the middle of his speech, Hardison points to Eliot, the character with the most violent and gritty past who views his work with the Leverage team as atonement, for a prime example of ongoing teshuvah. So while no one is perfect and everyone has a reason for doing teshuvah, this question of why Hardison is the one to give this series-defining speech inspired me to look at his character choices and behavior, and see how they resonate with a different but interrelated Jewish principle, that of tikkun olam.

Tikkun olam is literally translated as “repairing the world,” and can take many different forms, such as protecting the rights of vulnerable people in society, or giving tzedakah (5). In modern times, tikkun olam is often the rallying cry for Jewish social activists, particularly among environmentalists for whom literally restoring the health of the natural world is the key goal. Teshuvah and tikkun olam are intertwined (the former is the latter performed at an interpersonal level) and both hold a sense of fixing or repairing, but tikkun olam really revolves around a person feeling called to address an injustice that they may have not had a personal hand in creating. Hardison’s sense of a universal scale of justice which he has the power to help right on a global level and his newfound drive to do humanitarian work, picked up sometime after the end of the original series, make tikkun olam a central value for his character. This is why we get this nice bit of dialogue from Eliot to Hardison in the second episode of the reboot, when the latter’s outside efforts to organize international aid start distracting him from his work with the team: “Is [humanitarian work] a side gig? In our line of work, you’re one of the best. But in that line of work… you’re the only one, man.” The character who most exemplifies teshuvah reminds Hardison of his amazing ability to effect change for the better on a huge stage, to do some effective tikkun olam. It’s this acknowledgement of where Hardison can do the most good that prompts the character’s absence for the remainder of the episodes released thus far, turning his side gig into his main gig.

With this in mind, it will be interesting to see where Hardison’s arc for this season goes. Separated from the rest of the team, the hacker still has remarkable power to change the world, because it is, after all, the “age of the geek.” However, he is still one person. For all that both teshuvah and tikkun olam are individual responsibilities and require individual decision-making and effort, the latter especially relies on collective work to actually make things happen. Hardison leaving is better than trying to do humanitarian work and Leverage at the same time, but there’s only so long he can be the “only one” in the field before burning out. I’m reminded of one of the most famous (for good reason) maxims in Judaism:

It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you free to neglect it. (6)

Elul is traditionally a time for introspection and heeding the calls to repentance. After a year where it’s never been easier to feel powerless and drained by everything going on around us, I think it’s worth taking the time to examine what kind of work we are capable of in our own lives. Maybe it’s fixing the very recent and tangible hurts we’ve left behind, like Harry. Maybe it’s the little changes for the better that we make every day, motivated by our sense of responsibility, like Eliot. And maybe it’s the grueling challenge of major social change, like Hardison. And if any of this work gets too much, who can we fall back on for support and healing? Determining what needs repair, working on our own scale and where our efforts are most helpful, and thereby contributing to justice in realistic ways means that we can start the new year fresh, having contemplated in holiday fashion how we can be better agents in the world.

Shana tovah u’metukah and ketivah tovah to all (7), and may the work we do in the coming year be for good!

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(1) Disclaimer: everybody’s fandom experiences are different, and this is just what I’ve picked up on in my short time watching and enjoying this show with others.

(2) See, for example, the introduction and first chapter of Boyarin’s book Unheroic Conduct: The Rise of Heterosexuality and the Invention of the Jewish Man (I especially recommend at least this portion if you are interested in queer theory and Judaic studies). There he explores the development of Jewish masculinity in direct opposition to Christian masculine standards.

(3) I might even go so far as to place Hardison well within the Jewish masculine ideal of Edelkayt, gentle and studious nobility (although I would hesitate to call him timid, another trait associated with Edelkayt). Boyarin explains that this scholarly, non-athletic model of man did not carry negative associations in the historical Jewish mindset, but was rather the height of attractiveness (Boyarin, 2, 51).

(4) Jews of color make up 20% of American Jews, according to statistics from Be’chol Lashon, and this number is projected to increase as American demographics continue to change: https://globaljews.org/about/mission/.

(5) Tzedakah is commonly known as righteous charity. According to traditional authority Maimonides, it should be given anonymously and without embarrassment to the person in need, generous, and designed to help the recipient become self-sufficient.

(6) Rabbi Tarfon, Pirkei Avot, 2:16

(7) “A good and sweet year” and “a good inscription [in the Book of Life]”

#leverage #miko speaks #jewish stuff #jumblr #leverage redemption #spoilers #lr spoilers #leverage redemption spoilers #written for a non leverage audience because i want my rabbi to read it alskdjflaksdjf #elul

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frostedfaves · 3 years

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Delicate

Masterlist

Pairing: Rosa Diaz x fem!reader

Summary: Rosa works a murder case to prove your innocence, inspired by this

Warnings: mentions of murder, infidelity, poorly written casework

A/N: I have only one wish: feedback on this bit of chaos here.

At this point in Rosa’s life, there were only three things that brought her memorable pain.

The first was being sent to juvie after snapping under the weight of her parents' expectations.

The second was being released from juvie and realizing the two people who’d played a part in her downfall no longer gave a shit about what happened to her.

The third was seeing you, sitting beside Boyle’s desk in handcuffs.

Of course, she didn’t let anyone see this as she attempted to make her way to her own desk undetected, but you wouldn’t--couldn’t--let her think you were a criminal.

“Rosa--”

“Detective Diaz,” she growled as she walked past with her head held high, surprising herself by restraining from hurting you when you grabbed a fistful of her jacket. “Let me go--”

“I was framed!” you cried out with tears filling your eyes as you raised them to meet hers. “Please. I know you don’t have to believe me, but I’m begging you. I’m the same person you’ve spoken to all these nights. I’ll tell you everything, just...please.”

Her stance was rigid as her mind focused on your fearful expression and the desperate way you clung to her, as if you knew the moment you let go, everything you’d had the last few months was over. Realizing everyone’s eyes were on the two of you as you stared each other down, she roughly pulled herself away to walk over to her desk and deposit her bag and helmet. Your hands dropped into your lap in defeat, only to rise again when Rosa pulled you to your feet by the piece of metal holding your wrists together and led you into an interrogation room.

“Talk,” she ordered once the door was closed and you were seated at the table.

“Early this morning, they found the body of one of the supervisors at my job. Apparently he was killed last night and one of my coworkers pointed the blame toward me, saying that I wanted his position and tried to force him to retire early.”

“You were with me last night. I mean, unless you killed the guy after our call.” She met your widened eyes and sighed. “Sorry.”

“I just don’t know what to do. I know it probably looks bad because I actually am up for a promotion, I had a meeting about it a few days ago. But I’d never kill anyone! I swear I wouldn’t, and I really hope that--”

“I believe you.” She slipped into the chair across from you and squeezed your hands briefly before pulling away again. “And not just because I want to believe that I’m not falling for some power-hungry murderer, but because I trust you not to lie to me.”

A soft smile formed on your lips but a knock sounded at the door before you could respond. You watched her stand and approach the door again to open it, growing nervous again when you saw one of the detectives that arrested you.

“Holt’s out today, so Sarge is running the briefing and he needs you there too. It’s about this case.”

“Fine.” She faced you again with her hand still holding the door open. “I’ll be back. Just breathe.”

Rosa followed Charles out of the room and down to the briefing room, cutting off any questions he began to ask with a sharp “no”. They were the last to arrive, everyone else seated and looking at Terry standing in front of a board holding some of the case details.

“I’m putting myself on this case,” she announced before anyone else could speak as she approached the board to read over everything.

“Don’t you think you’re too close to this, Rosa?” Charles questioned carefully, yelping at the expression she offered him in response. “I meant to say ‘welcome to the team’!”

“Boyle’s right, Diaz,” Terry spoke up next as she turned away from the board. “What was that in the bullpen?”

“Innocent until proven guilty.” She walked over to sit on one of the tables in front. “Go on.”

“Alright.” He looked down at the notes he’d obtained before entering the room. “So according to the medical examiner, the time of death is set around 9:17pm last night--”

“Y/N didn’t do it,” Rosa quickly interjected. “A camera in the lobby of her building will verify her entering a few minutes before then, and she doesn’t leave after that.”

“Rosa, I know you don’t want your friend to get in trouble, but this--”

“I was with her.” She took a deep breath to prepare herself for not only spilling the secret of her unconfirmed relationship, but to essentially come out as bisexual for the first time ever. “We were in the park together with our dogs and I walked her home after. I know it was 9:15 when we got there because the huge clock in her lobby said 10:15, and it’s been an hour ahead since Daylight Savings Time. I was at her door for a few minutes and when I was leaving, the clock said 10:20.”

“So how do you know she didn’t leave after that?” Jake questioned, causing her to sigh again.

“Because I’m a few blocks away from her and she Facetimed me when I sent her a text telling her I was home. She fell asleep on the phone.”

“Oh damn. You’re in love, girl,” Gina commented, a grin forming when all Rosa did was roll her eyes in response.

“Okay so she has an alibi, but we also have to rule out the possibility that she had an accomplice.” Terry sighed when Rosa gave him a threatening look. “Look, I want to believe she’s innocent too--”

“Then believe it.”

“--but we have to consider everything, Diaz. It looks pretty suspicious that the last person to see our victim alive also had a reason to want him gone.”

“How do you know she was the last to see him alive?” Rosa took the piece of paper Amy held out to her holding a witness statement, forcing herself not to overreact when she read that Y/N had been spotted talking to her supervisor next to his car. “This means nothing. Check into the person that gave this statement.”

“Rosa--”

“How do we even know she was the last person he saw? And that the person who ‘witnessed’ this didn’t just follow the vic home and kill him just to frame her? What, because of some camera footage and he said, she said?” Barely a moment of silence passed before Rosa spoke again. “Exactly. Santiago and Boyle, meet me downstairs. I’m driving.”

She dropped the witness statement on the table in front of Amy and stormed out, grabbing the keys to her squad car on her way back to the interrogation room you were waiting in. Your eyes snapped up from your hands when the door opened, relaxing slightly as Rosa entered the room.

“I’m going to be out for a bit trying to investigate more of the people involved, but you’ll be okay here.” She hesitated for a moment before approaching your side and leaning down to kiss you for the second time in 12 hours. “I love you.”

She was back out the door as quickly as she arrived.

Waiting to find out if you’d be charged with a murder you didn’t commit was hard. Being transitioned from the quiet calm of the interrogation room to the holding cell adjoining the chaotic bullpen was hard too, but at least your hands weren’t chained together anymore. You sat in the farthest corner and counted the minutes until they seemed to all blend together, and all you could focus on was the lingering feeling of warmth caused by Rosa’s lips on yours and her confession.

Having given up on your counting long ago, you weren’t sure how much time had passed when the door to the holding cell opened again. You were delighted to see Rosa again, but your hopeful expression shifted to confusion when you saw who she was leading in.

“Mrs. Fenderson?”

“Hi, Y/N.”

The woman spoke softly without meeting your eyes, moving to sit on a nearby bench when Rosa unlocked her cuffs. You eyed her curiously as Rosa gently grabbed your wrist and led you out of the cell, making sure it locked before bringing you over to her desk.

“Um, why is my supervisor’s wife--”

“She did it,” she told you as the two of you sat down. “Well, she had some help.”

You followed the direction she nodded in with your eyes, which widened when you saw a couple officers leading in the one person that accused you of being involved with everything. You watched as they led him to the holding cell too, only turning away when Rosa placed her hand over one of yours.

“How did you…? What?!” you asked, unable to fight off a bit of a smile when Rosa snorted.

“Mrs. Fenderson recently signed up her husband for a pretty hefty life insurance policy, and it didn’t take long to find out those two were boning. I got her to confess to everything while they tracked down her lover, who used the fact that you were up for the same promotion he wanted as a chance to frame you.”

“That’s so fucking crazy,” you responded in a breathless tone as you attempted to wrap your head around the situation for a second, giving up and bringing your free hand to rest on top of hers. “Thank you.”

“Innocent until proven guilty.” She shrugged nonchalantly as she stood, pulling you to your feet as well before you released her hand. “Anyway, it’s super late now and I know you haven’t eaten anything so let’s go.”

“Fine, but I’m paying,” you insisted as the two of you headed toward the elevator, laughing a bit as you remembered something. “As long as we can stop by my apartment first. They don’t exactly let you bring your phone and wallet when you’re arrested for murder.”

“You can pay next time,” she told you with a snort, quickly adding “if I let you.”

The elevator ride passed along silently, and it wasn’t long before you were headed down the street to a 24 hour diner that you’d mentioned to Rosa last night. You waited until you were seated and food was ordered before starting a conversation.

“About what you said earlier,” you began with your gaze locked on the straw wrapper you were toying with, completely missing Rosa’s panicked expression.

“Look, we can just forget I said anything.”

“No!” You lowered your voice after noticing a few wary glances, turning back to Rosa and pulling her hands into yours. “I don’t want to forget it, but I was hoping to say it first.”

“You love me too?”

“I do.” You squeezed her fingers with a grin. “I love you, Rosa, and I love Arlo for giving me an excuse to keep seeing his mom, because I sure as hell would’ve been too nervous to come up with one on my own.”

Expecting Rosa to be too uncomfortable with PDA, you pulled her hands closer to drop a kiss on her knuckles, pleasantly surprised when she pulled away to hold your jaw in place, leaning forward to press her lips to yours.

Tags: @gaulty74 @creepingwolfberry @rosadiazswifey @xetherealbeautyx @milkfromhell

#rosa diaz #rosa diaz imagine #rosa diaz x reader #rosa diaz x fem!reader #rosa diaz x you #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn nine nine imagine #brooklyn nine nine x reader #b99 fanfic #b99 fic #b99 #b99 x reader #b99 x fem!reader #b99 x you

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theritualofourexistence · 3 years

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Odes to Old Gods

I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad.

Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April.

Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too.

I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post.

A few quick caveats:

This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos.

It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.

Things I have survived in 2020:

- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.

- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.

- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.

- The fires in Australia.

- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s.

- Losing Kobe Bryant.

- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.

- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose.

- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.

[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]

- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family.

- Losing my health insurance.

- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.

- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.

- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.

- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.

- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.

- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option.

- Being diagnosed with hypertension.

- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.

- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.

- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection.

- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.

- The actual election.

- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.

- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.

- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.

- Missing Christmas with my extended family.

- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.

That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.

Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:

- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job.

- Hypertension! More on this later.

- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night.

- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.

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This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.

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There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.

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In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:

”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”

I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January.

Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.

In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.”

In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.

Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while.

In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice.

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This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.

----

This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.

I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.

----

I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too.

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”

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minttoy · 4 years

Text

Daylight (Ch 3)

CHAPTER THREE

Summary: “She spent so much time counting her days. Finally, she sees her future clear as daylight.” - Linhardt helps Lysithea survive more than the war.

Pairings: Linhardt/Lysithea

Click here to read on FF.net.

Click here to read on AO3.

----------

Weeks later, she’s still flipping through the days. Some passages are easier to read and few of them trigger difficult memories. It’s a blessing she cannot recall most of the things written in these pages.

Lysithea must look particularly haggard this morning, because Professor Hanneman waltzes into the room and starts the day with a peculiar joke.

“Are you and Linhardt married, by any chance?” he asks, a smirk dancing on his lips.

She’s tired and has no energy to vehemently deny it. “No.”

He’s hardly fazed. “Engaged, perhaps? Promised to one another?”

She shakes her head. “Neither.”

“Oh, but there’s something there, correct? The two of you seem to enjoy each other’s company.”

She does not remember Hanneman being this nosy. Perhaps Professor Manuela has been rubbing off him. “There is nothing between us,” she says, the words rolling lazily off her tongue. “We are not married, nor engaged, nor promised. We don’t talk about kids, or money, or growing old together. None of that.”

Poor logic at its finest, but she’s willing to admit it escapes her temporarily.

“Can I safely assume you two are not sleeping together?”

She startles, spilling a portion of her teacup as she brings it to her lips. “Excuse me?”

“Hmm.” He scratches his beard. “I suppose not.”

Lysithea hisses as she registers the burn from the still-hot tea water.

“Is there a point to this?” she inquires, holding back none of her irritation. With a sleeve, she wipes off a stain from the front of her shirt.

He shrugs loosely. “Perhaps.”

His response incites a harsh glare from the girl, but it does not last long. She reaches for her handkerchief across the table to pat down her skirt.

“This is highly inappropriate, especially from a man of your stature. I would appreciate if you were more respectful and unassuming of my relationships,” she says distractedly. “We share common goals and interests. There’s nothing beyond that.”

The suggestion was never meant to sound romantic, but she realizes in hindsight how it can be interpreted as such. Hanneman knows it too and raises her a brow.

“Linhardt is my apprentice and I know him very well,” he starts. “Believe me when I say I have never seen him more committed to anything than he is to you, my dear.”

She peers up at him briefly, and then back down to the soiled handkerchief in her hands. It’s easier to focus on other things when her face is flushed pink.

Hanneman continues, “I know what it takes to renounce one’s nobility – I’ve committed the act myself a long time ago. You give up almost everything. The people you call family, inheritance, prestige and status, the place you consider home, even a bit of yourself...” He shakes his head solemnly. “…it’s unfortunate. Despite all of that, at the end of the day, you are still the selfish one.”

Her gaze is trained to the wooden table, but she’s listening.

“My point is, I am certain Linhardt sacrificed much to be here.”

She blinks twice and looks up. “What are you insinuating?”

Her inquiry is blunt, but it’s not meant to accuse or invoke tension. The entire exchange has her squirming in her seat, even if he’s only protecting him.

“I am simply curious of his motivations,” the older man explains, meeting her gaze. “That boy is difficult to inspire and persuade, and I’ve seen it firsthand. I thought maybe you’ve done something to fuel his sudden ambition.”

She narrows her eyes. “I always assumed he took this up on his own volition, but I’m also willing to admit it’s a little far-fetched. If you’re wondering about monetary incentives, I’m not paying him or doing him any favours.”

“I never even wondered such a thing.”

She considers the idea once more. “…is it something I should be thinking about?”

“Heavens I hope not, or I would be sorely disappointed,” he scoffs.

“So what is it then?”

“You tell me.” Hanneman arches a single brow and presses further, “You said yourself the nature of your relationship is strictly business. Nothing personal beyond your collegiate partnership. Isn’t that right?”

Lysithea processes the complicated thought and attempts understanding for herself, wondering why this conversation keeps circling back on itself. The reason she keeps finding herself here.

Why do I feel like running.

She crumbles underneath his sharper gaze. “…that’s right.”

He leans back in his seat. “What’s your take on it?”

The question lingers.

“I don’t know,” she tells honestly, after a pause.

Silence envelopes them briefly.

“My apologies, child. I don’t mean to push you.” His gloved hand goes to her shoulder, and when she chances a second glance, his gaze is visibly softer. “It just warms this old man’s heart to see two of his students here at the monastery. There hasn’t been this much excitement since…well, a long time.”

She sighs, “Do you have to be so meddlesome?”

He feigns an affronted expression. “Can you blame a researcher for inquiring? I was simply…stating my observations, if you will. Did it come off as imposing? Forgive me.” His lips tug to a small smirk under his moustache. Unapologetic, despite what he says. “I admit. Occasionally I delight in wishful thinking. You see, Linhardt reminds me of my younger self. Fascinated with crestology, how it shapes the world’s foundation and transforms the individuals within it. Regrettably, I missed things because of it. The more I devoted myself to research, the more other dreams slipped further from my reach.”

Lysithea frowns and raises a brow.

“Before I pass from this world, it would give me great gratification to know he pursued such dreams. This applies for you as well, actually. Chase your ambitions, but don’t skip on life. You should get married, take care of each other, and have children. Research is its own reward, but I believe there are greater, more joyful things in life. Take this as advice from your old teacher and mentor.”

“Your advice is oddly specific,” she points out.

He laughs, characteristically barky, but jolly nonetheless. “I expect an invitation to your wedding when it comes.”

She breathes a lengthy exhale and loses her patience. Hasty, she downs the remainder of the hot tea and gathers her papers in her arms.

“That’s enough. I am done indulging in your strange and improbable fantasies–”

“Improbable? I beg to differ.”

“–I have little time as it is! We need to get back to work.”

He smirks at her attempt at scolding. Young, impulsive and puppy-like. A coping mechanism, he realizes. He indulges her anyway, gathering a portion of her file and adjusting his monocle.

“As you wish, my dear.”

----------

Lysithea is in the middle of bookmarking old texts when she hears it. A small gasp, barely even an audible breath, in the midst of the crest analyzer’s machinal sounds. She peers to the side to investigate the small commotion, observing the subtleties in Linhardt’s bare expression.

“What is it?”

He swallows hard and stares with furrowed brows. “This sample, it’s…crestless.”

His lack of energy casts a measure of doubt, but she strides over anyway. Wordlessly, he hands her the glass slide containing a drop of her blood and she runs it through the analyzer herself.

She waits.

Nothing.

No symbols appears before her.

No Charon.

No Gloucester.

No crest.

The blood is pure.

She feels her stomach drop. Her knees grow weak. She pans over to green-haired man, who jots down notes with a nonchalant flair. For someone who just reached his first real breakthrough, he is severely lacking in enthusiasm. Perhaps it’s the exhaustion.

“What does this mean?” she asks.

“It means we’re moving in the right direction,” he says blandly, not looking up.

She blinks at his aloofness, wondering what goes on in that tired and brilliant mind.

Linhardt finishes writing, flips the book shut and yawns into his hand. He finds her muddled expression.

“I’m not satisfied just yet,” he explains quietly. “On the bright side, it seems the formula I used on this particular sample yields promising results. I’m willing to test it on others to ensure it has the same effectiveness.”

He’s withholding himself, it seems. Saving the joy until the work is finished.

“I could draw more blood,” she offers, matching his tone.

He gives her a sheepish frown. She hides bruised arms under her sleeves.

“Please and thank you.”

She turns on her heel, and he catches her wrist when he realizes what she’s doing.

“It can wait until later. You’re tired,” he says. “I have to compound the serum again anyway, which will take time.”

He offers her a smile and she returns it.

----------

The three of them continue to work on this breakthrough. Linhardt, after studying the entirety of her file, is approaching the research with a medical lens. It’s apparent her crests were introduced like toxins to the bloodstream. She either rejected the virus and died, or survived the implants, forcing her crests to co-exist in one body. He intends to remove it the same way, coming up with a formula to dissolve her crests, akin to an antibiotic treating bacteria and disease.

Hanneman almost forgets he’s a proficient healer, well-versed in medicine and its properties.

That’s how they got here. Linhardt sitting on a chair, visibly pale and nauseous, hesitating to offer his arm. He was the one who suggested it – he and Hanneman offering their own blood to the cause, and hoping the recipe can eliminate their crests as well.

“I’m ready. Give me your arm,” she says.

“Please be gentle. The sight of blood makes me uncomfortable.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’ve been working with blood for several months now.”

“That’s different. I dislike watching it spill from the body, especially my own. I should add that needles are frightening as well.”

She gives him an annoyed look, hoping it’s enough to get her message across.

“Do you want the sample or not?”

“I do.”

“Then get over it. It would have been done by now if you stopped whining.”

He takes another deep breath, closes his eyes and finally stretches his arm. As she rolls his sleeves up, another thought flashes and he whips back the limb.

“Linhardt!”

“I’m sorry. Please don’t poke hard. I’m lightheaded as it is.”

He’s pouting, the most childish he’s become as of late.

“If you stay still, it won’t hurt as much.”

He gives her a suspicious eye.

She decides to change tack, softens her gaze and bends down so they’re at eye level. “Hey, I’m good at this, remember? It’ll be quick. You can trust me. I’ve done it on myself several times already.”

The reminder is stinging and leaves with him little choice and room to complain. This time, he offers his arm without another word.

The process is seamless and efficient, just as she promised. His veins stand out against his pale skin and he doesn’t tense when she rubs alcohol on it. He looks away and holds his breath when she punctures his skin. For him, it seems like an eternity until the needle is finally removed, and replaced with the pressure of her fingers. He lets out a long sigh of relief, and sinks down in his seat as if he’s been through a terrible ordeal.

He finally has the courage to look up and finds a smirk on her face.

“What?” he asks.

She removes her gloves and pats his head like she’s proud of him. “Such a good boy. I knew you could do it.”

He scoffs, “I am not a child.”

She laughs, and tips her head to a box on the nearby table. “I got you sweet pastries from town as a reward. Do you want it or not?”

He lights up, betraying himself. He doesn’t think he’s enjoyed her company more. “Yes, please.”

----------

The next step is obvious: a trial.

They’ve agreed to everything so far, but now there are three branches of thought.

Linhardt prefers to experiment with other crest-containing blood samples, reasoning they lack a sample size worthy of definite conclusion.

Hanneman insists on keeping the research between the three of them. This experiment will not be approved in the eyes of people in power, except maybe Edelgard herself.

Lysithea is growing increasingly impatient. Many months have passed since she’s made the monastery her second home and she pushes for the trial herself.

After much hesitation and few heated debates, they agree to one trial. The infirmary is turned upside down. It takes an entire day to prepare the room and concoct the mixture. Beds are moved, shelves restocked and the space is nearly emptied. A plan is devised if things go awry and her body rejects the serum. They don’t have the luxury of test subjects, Lysithea being the only one.

For all the irony in the world, the procedure is alike to blood reconstruction surgery itself. Linhardt admits he took inspiration from the mages to devise the method.

“If you have discomfort, I need to know. You have a penchant for acting stronger than you feel,” he says rather bitterly.

She stops poking around her arm for a vein and glances at the green-haired scholar. Unusually tight-lipped, rigid features on his face and posture incredibly stiff. He’s handling his instruments with a chaotic energy, revealing a side of him that hardly surfaces. He’s irritable and exasperated, which is far from his usually lax demeanor. She’s only seen it a handful of times.

“You agreed to this,” she reminds, matching his tone.

He still cannot look her in the eye. “Not willingly.”

“Don’t start with me,” she warns, keeping her voice low. “We fought about this already.”

He shrugs with nonchalance, and from her perspective, it’s kind of infuriating.

“Hmm. I still think we should wait,” he says, just for the sake of reminding her.

She tries to smile, but it comes off sarcastic and phony. She wonders how apparent it is how much she wants to pull her hair out right now.

“Too late,” she says, knowing how petty it sounds. “It’s happening today.”

“You can still back down. I won’t blame you,” he offers again.

She shakes her head and counters with a firm and decisive, “No. I won’t do that.”

He heaves with frustration and finally looks down at her. She meets his intense blue glare with as much defiance she can muster.

“You’re being impossible. I’m starting wonder if you’re doing this to spite me,” he delivers harshly, in a way he’ll probably regret later. Afterwards, he mutters some excuse about retrieving something from the lab and leaves the room in a matter of seconds.

In the deafening silence that follows, she stares down at the floor, heart suddenly weak and eyes glassy. Her breath is shaky as it comes out. Just as she expects, the feeling of scorn quickly fades into nothing, leaving a pained and bleak disposition in its place. She rubs her eyes before she crumples into a sobbing mess. These recent spats all end the same way. Her coming up empty, instead of angry.

“This will mean nothing later,” Hanneman reassures, suddenly beside her. “Both of you are stubborn. You only fight because you care for each other. If it helps, try to remember what got you here in the first place.”

Her breaths even out slowly. “…I don’t want to fight anymore.”

He shrugs. “You have to work it out somehow. Waiting is safe, but there’s no use dallying and delaying progress either.”

“Am I being unreasonable?” she asks in a whisper.

Hanneman sucks in a breath, and contemplates for a moment.

“It’s…difficult to say. I’m sorry, child. I don’t have all the answers.”

They resume in silence. She tries to pretend it never happened and connects herself to the machine. Linhardt returns a few minutes later, all traces of hardness on his face gone.

She tries not to look his way, except when he stands in front of her.

Their expressions mirror each other; remorseful and apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers first.

She shakes her head. “It’s my fault. I’m the one pushing you.”

He dismisses it with a shrug. “We’re in this together.”

It eases few of her worries, enough to breathe easy. He gestures for her to take a seat so he can prime the infusion. She obliges without complaint.

“Tell me if you feel anything.”

“I will.”

After what seems like an eternity, it finally starts running. Linhardt gives her a quick onceover before taking the seat beside the professor, opening his book for notetaking.

Somehow, it feels like her last day on earth. She’s waited and dreamed of this since being told her days were numbered. Lysithea shakes her head, tries to throw off the memories.

Fifteen minutes in, there’s a sting in her arm where the needle is located. She tries not to hiss at the pain, but it becomes difficult to hide.

Hanneman sits up, the first to notice. “What’s wrong?”

She grits her teeth. “My arm is sore, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Linhardt stands, puts away his notebook. “We should stop it.”

“No! I can take it. This is–”

She stops as an abrupt, sharp pain sears the nerves up to her shoulder. It’s burning all of a sudden, and flaring with heat and spasm. Lysithea doesn’t scream, just a gasp and a choked-off cry, but somehow that makes it worse. She winces and folds in on herself.

He stops the machine and disconnects the tubing. That alone eliminates the sharp edge of the burn, but leaves a throbbing cramp in its wake. She collapses backwards in her seat, arm splayed limp beside her.

He’s giving her a look or reprimand, but as far as admonishments go, it’s a gentle one.

“Lysithea. This isn’t about being brave or strong. We only have one shot. If something happens to you, all of this would be for nothing,” he lectures softly, bending down to inspect for bruising or damage.

Hanneman hums in agreement and rises to stretch his arms. “The boy is right. Do not feel inclined to work beyond your limits. Our situation is risky enough as it is.”

She has no reason to get defensive. As far as she’s concerned, this is what she needs to hear. Beside her, she spies the faint glow of light. His magic is familiar to her now. She knows the feel of it: languid, light and listless. It induces a drowsy aftermath and she’s passed out from it before. It’s the work of his crest. Before she succumbs to its effects, she peers down at her partner.

“I really thought it would work,” she whispers, fighting the wave of exhaustion casted by the spell.

His gaze is surprisingly soft. “We’ll have to rework the formula,” he says quietly. Biting his lip, he casts his gaze down to her arm. “There’s a caustic burn on your skin. I’ll heal the nerves as best as I can, but I’m not sure about the scarring…”

She shrugs loosely. “It doesn’t matter.”

He says nothing back, watching as she enters a trance, wilting and slowly yielding to slumber.

“Can you be here when I wake up?” she asks, fighting off another yawn and blinking heavy eyelids.

He tilts his head to one side at the inquiry.

“Okay.”

It’s the last thing she hears before her vision goes blank.

----------

She’s plagued by nightmares, not waking until she’s seeing red and a silent scream is somehow working its way up her throat.

She lunges up from her bed, clutches the material in front of her chest and finds herself breathless. Her back is drenched with sweat and her hands are shaking. She stares blank at the window pane, catching sight of clouds filtering the light of the stars and moon. It casts a dark shadow upon the monastery and the surrounding forests. Slowly, the nightmare leaves her.

After that, she sighs. Lysithea looks down at her arms, one of them sporting an ugly reddened bruise and the other hooked up to a tube. Her gaze lazily flits upwards, finding herself linked to an assortment of fluids. Her head throbs wildly, more so than the fresh burn she acquired from the trial.

She’s alone, but hears the soft whirring of machinery across the hall. Mustering the strength to go, she drags the pole along with her and stops at the front of Hanneman’s office.

“You shouldn’t read in the dark,” she pipes up quietly. “It hurts your eyes.”

Linhardt startles and jerks lightly in the dim candlelight. He inhales deeply, and snaps his book shut.

“You should go back to sleep.”

She shakes her head. “Maybe later.”

He eyes her curiously, a long blue stare. “A nightmare, then.”

She shudders, and then absently presses her fingers against her throat where there’s a pulse. A cold shiver runs up her spine. Linhardt watches idly, staring into her eyes with question.

“It’s odd. I used to have nightmares about ghosts in my room, showing up late for class, or losing my teeth,” Lysithea starts softly, ignoring the constant thrumming in her head. “Nowadays, they’re more about feeling lonely, or losing control, or dying.”

He raises a brow. “Are you scared of dying?”

“I guess so,” she says, mild annoyance seeping through. She purses her lips, then shifts her gaze to the bookshelves. “It’s strange. I was going to die in those dungeons, and the only reason I didn’t was because I was so determined to see what life I could have outside of it, even if it meant surviving my crests. Gosh, I wanted to live so much, and still ended up dying.”

She says it with a hollow lightness, as if the whole thing can be a laughing matter. And then she’s shaking her head and rubbing her face.

“I’ve been counting my days ever since, and I’m sick of it. I’m so hopeless, and bitter, and lonely, and yet…I am still so, so terribly scared.”

Linhardt gazes with a rare tenderness. No words come to mind, so he says nothing.

Inevitably, there’s a long pause.

She drops her arms and unclenches her fists. Her expression is weary. “Do you have nightmares?”

He nods. “Occasionally. Mostly they are bloody visions of war – I wake up thinking I’m still in the throes of battle. To cheer myself up, I imagine myself lying down on a field of grass, in a place where I’m free to sleep, fish, or eat sweets whenever I please.”

She chuckles softly, “That sounds just like you.”

“Does your head hurt? I can help.”

“No, not right now. That magic of yours is like a sedative, and I…” She inhales and picks at her fingers, unsure how to say it. “I’d rather we just…stay, even for a short time.”

The air is so quiet and delicate she wants to bask in it. The lighting is dark, atmosphere thick but not stilted, and the whirring machinery drums like white noise. It’s just the two of them, but the silence is easy and comforting. They’ve let go of their posturing a long time ago. This is the most peace she’s felt in months.

This is what she means to say, even if he doesn’t get it.

He nods, and she’s grateful. Moving her metal pole in front of the sofa, she settles herself comfortably beside him and curls her legs underneath. He brushes off her earlier protest and picks up his book again, reading against the dim candlelight. Eventually she caves and tugs at his sleeve. Wordlessly, he settles the book in the middle so she can read for herself. The rest of the night is filled with silence.

He understands enough.

----------

#fire emblem #Fire Emblem Three Houses #fe3h #linhardt von hevring #linhardt #lysithea von ordelia #lysithea #post-war #post-canon #post-game #fire emblem fanfiction

7 notes · View notes

gg-astrology · 6 years

Text

Black Pink: Lalisa Manoban (Brief Inner planet Natal Reading)

💕 I saw a photo of Lisa and I’m overwhelmed with love for her. This is new test for a different text-format/’theme’, unlike the ‘overview’ series I’m going to go through her chart one by one (w/o houses), looking at the planet and it’s aspects and the decan it’s in. We’ll see how it goes! 💕

💕disclaimer: i’m no expert on astrology but these are my interpretations of the signs and how they’re working based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and studies in astrology, all interpretation and experiences within the realm is valid, however feel free to make your own post or skip if you strongly disagree. There might be inaccuracy and the point of this post is to relate to someone, entertain and have a fun time, validate people with similar experiences and get people excited about the girls+ astrology. Also, since we don’t know their birth times, I’m using the standard 12.00pm💕

Sun in Aries - 1st Decan/Ruled by Mars (Aries)

I’ve already went ham into this with the ‘BP: Sun & Moon’ but I’ll give a brief reintroduction on this as well! 💕

Sun in Aries especially in the 1st Decan, exhibits traits that emphasizes their Arian nature- energetic, lively, uncomplicated and innovative. They’re often already on the move, most likely to get things done physically rather than wait on long-awaited plan or drawn-out emotional speech that would ‘inspire’ them. They’re quite pragmatic, and although they admire and respect other ways of doing things, they’d much rather just get on the move and actually do it to achieve what they want

Impatience and impulsiveness might be a vice, however their greatest strength is their ability to move on and direct their energy forward.

They’re not big on planning ahead, but that creates space for innovation. They live in the now, and unlike other signs, they benefit a lot from this kind of mentality.

The way they go about things is pretty direct, active and straight forward. They often get a bit whiplashed if someone tries to play games with them, as they’re pretty forthcoming people and expected the same back.

They can be careless, lack tact, impulsive and reckless to a fault without realizing what they’ve done. But they’re quick to want to atone for any mess they might have made.

Aries lives simply in this way, they know what they want and they do whatever is necessary to achieve it. They don’t mind cutting corners, but often they see it as underhand or unnecessary, it’s the journey that matters to them.

Most of the time, Aries appreciates challenges in their life. They feel best when they can overcome those little objections and feel ‘progressed’ in how far they’ve come. They like things clean and tidy, a fresh slate or a fresh start to the day.

Sun (Aries) - Conjunct - Venus (Aries) [1 degree]

This is a good aspect to have! Conjunction around the lesser degrees, between aspects of the Sun-Venus can help the native Arian showcase their much more charming side to the public and smooth out rough edges they might have otherwise.

Lisa already has this working for her even when she wasn’t in the limelight, people with Sun-Venus aspect tends to exhibit harmonic, pleasant and charming traits (think Libra/Taurus) and places an emphasis on their Sun that they want to be perceived pleasantly this way.

They tend to be alot more easy-going with this aspect, working that Arian charm in a non-confrontational manner and bringing abundance of joy and enthusiasm to the people around them.

There’s a like for social interactions and pleasantries, diplomatic and often generous. They can sometimes become pushovers when they’re trying really hard to please someone (in the industry) or don’t know any better.

The ability to attract people to her through her charm (Venus) is convert, she exudes her individuality and self-expression (Sun/Ego) and if the person responds positively, she might find interest in them. This however, can mean that she might need validation from other people or put pressure on herself if she doesn’t receive positive affirmations. Learning to balance it with validating herself and finding a mixture of self-love within her own body might benefit in balancing out and stabilizing this aspect.

Sun (Aries) - Conjunct- Saturn (Aries) [3 degrees]

Again this is a good aspect to have especially when it’s conjuncted. I kind of do 3 is the max and 5 is pushing it, but I know some people accept it at lower degrees than I do and that’s fine too!

Sun conjunction Saturn can put a damper on the Sun but in a way, it might benefit them more in the long run which is what’s happening in Lisa’s chart.

She understands responsibility and long-term commitment, and she’s not afraid to sacrifice abit of her vitality in order to achieve it.

When it comes to commitment, she puts in hard work and acts cautiously. She rarely makes impulsive decision that would damage or effect anyone else (family/members) long term, she has the forethought and sight to be mature when she needs to be and handle responsibility well.

She sees and understands the significance in establishing long-term relationships (members) and has patience, tolerance and loyalty to them. She puts in work and dedicated effort into establishing this bond, and expects back on their relationship. People who lacks this Saturnian trait would turn her off.

Sun (Aries) - Sextile - Uranus (Aquarius) [1 degree]

Although it’s a harmonious aspect, Uranus is a generational outer planet ruled by Aquarius, having an Aries sun there can mean her individuality is expressed fighting for the underdog.

There’s a fiery quality to it that both Aries and Aquarius posses, a strike against tradition and you can see it in the way her ego (Sun) expresses her style (Venus) in how she dresses/performs.

Black pink is amazing because this aspect comes through very vividly, like 2NE1 the unusual styling and effect their stage performance and music has is trans-generational. It doesn’t cohere to just one aesthetic taste, it’s something most people can get into very easily. I suspect the other members probably has similar aspect in this area as well. They’re standing for something they’re comfortable in.

Sun (Aries) - Trine - Pluto(R) (Sagittarius) [1 degree]

Sun is the planet of the ego and Pluto is the planet of transformation, this emphasizes her moon even more since it’s in Scorpio (ruled by Pluto) she often feels that she’s going through different phases of growth and transformation all the time.

Between comebacks and stages, Lisa is constantly evolving and she realizes this. It’s a double whammy for her both in her moon and the aspect.

Her ego shifts along with her transformation, but at the same time her pluto is in retrograde. She might not show it as often but she is going through alot of these changes.

She can be slow in incorporating it into her ego, or letting her inner change/growth show in other aspects of her life. She feels it, she knows it. But that doesn’t mean she has to show it (abit of an escapism)

Moon in Scorpio - 2nd Decan/Ruled by Neptune (Pisces)

Again, I’ve touched on her moon in the the ‘BP: Sun & Moon’ but here’s a brief description of it here as well 💕

Scorpio moons can go through many intense emotions and internal growth rapidly, they often feel overwhelmed by their emotions and their thoughts transforming at a pace and intensity that even they can’t control. This can be devastating and amazing, depending on how one views it- their emotional growth goes through periods of death and rebirth and often pushes them to go through serious transformation within themselves throughout their entire life. It’s exhilarating, giving and tiring at the same time.

Scorpio has this intensity inside of themselves that, when projected outwardly onto other people you can see the storm inside of their eyes. Their emotional intensity doesn’t just stop there with themselves, but they can also evoke this kind of intensity in other people as well.

Lisa’s moon is ruled by Neptune/Pisces, which rules her subconscious and her dreams. Most likely her Moon in Scorpio is influenced by these elements, and her transformation often has to more to do with herself and her own growth than any external output.

Pressure she puts on herself, her dreams and aspiration she carries for her family to do well in foreign lands, insomnia, lethargy and depression might be prone to these individuals (again, I’m not certified to diagnose anyone with medical help, and I’m not trying to do so, if someone is suffering from mental illness or requires assistance in these areas, please consult a doctor or a medical assistance if they want to seek available help)

They might have the tendency to use sleeping as a coping mechanism and escapism in order to avoid going through these transformation too much (escapism or fighting to simplify the situation aka ‘im fine’ ). It can lead to repression of emotions or inner growth in order to stabilize her body.

Her Virgo Mars is the only earth sign capable of stabilizing her, but it’s also the only out put to her emotional transformation. She might’ve learnt to utilize this subconsciously in an unhealthy way to cope with how much she’s feeling and how much she’s going through. Most likely she did so anyways, especially with Sun-Venus and a strong Taurus/Venus influence on her Mars. She needs to unlearn how to do this and express herself when she needs to, or seek help when she needs it.

She desires stability but it she needs to realize it doesn’t need to be internal. She can seek stability externally through support and close friends as well. She should show this through consistency in reaching out to people, but in order to do so she needs to vocalize it or exert her Mars and Mercury into helping her with her Moon.

She might also be prone to having transformative dreams, or going through upheaval inside her subconscious. Suppressing these emotions during the day might point to having to confront them later when she’s in the unconscious realm, this can lead to very emotionally taxing dreams or adventurous ones, having to confront and balance negativity to positivity at some point. But it’s in no way unhealthy compared to the above (better dealing it through dreams than actively trying to repress it all the time conscious OR unconscious).

Moon (Scorpio) - Square - Jupiter (Aquarius) [3 degrees]

There’s a restless quality about her when she ‘can’t deal with her moon right now’, she tends to seek outlets that can extort her resources (i.e. retail therapy, shopping, negligence) a square is a difficult aspect but it’s capable of overcoming.

Her moon (emotions) has a direct impact on her luck (Jupiter) through her actions. Although it’s in 3rd degree, it might not be working strongly for her since she can easily learn to self-discipline.

She can become aloof, cold or negligence to those around her when she’s dealing with her emotions/internal turmoil. Absentmindedness or too coldly observing, she can neglect or make others around her feel like they shouldn’t support her which doesn’t reflect her natural charisma.

Lisa can have her moodiness, and its in this aspect how it effects those around her and her immediate resources (money, luck, etc).

Moon (Scorpio) - Square - Uranus (Aquarius) [2 degrees]

Again, her moon is working to bring her down. All her internal turmoil is effecting to some degree her relationships with others and her ability to perform sometimes. With her moon (emotions) squaring her Uranus (rebellion/innovation/technology) this can be interpreted in so many different ways.

Bigger picture is, she might find herself at odds with the people around her, slow moving and unstable or unsupportive at times because she’s lost in her own turmoil or has some doubts, her friends can feel unsupported or in-stabilized by her when they require her vote of confidence in them.

Lisa can be disagreeable to rules or authoritarian figures, or act out/lash out in a way just to prove her point across if she feels she’s unheard or misunderstood (her Saturn is too strong and working too well for her to do that, but she might have instances)

She might find bad news due to technology (it might bring her grief) or does something online she might regret later (hope it’s retail therapy)

Anyways its not a bad thing to have difficult aspects in your chart, all these are capable of the person who owns the chart to overcome and they can absolutely do it.

Mercury in Aries - 3rd Decan/Ruled by Jupiter (Sagittarius)

Curiously this is un-aspected, but it seems to be working strongly in her chart and is very good for our girl Lisa! 💕

Mercury in Aries natives possesses an innocent charm about them, this is directly amplified by Jupiter’s influence (Sagittarius) her Arian charms becomes expanded upon, and her youthful vitality and charisma that makes her so lovable is put into a softer light. She acquires a happy-go-lucky trait to her that has people falling head over heels to do as she asks, often popular.

People like her because she’s straight forward and simple, she’s often humble and enthusiastic which is refreshing to be around.

Mercury in Aries are also magnetic in a way that they possesses great self-will that their Aries sun already has. The way they think and talk about things are quick and to the point, fast and decisive.

She can streamline progress and gets points across simply and easily, she’s amiable and likes helping others with a jokester kind of joviality to her. Often capable of lightening up any situation, she’s great at taking the weight/heat off of shier signs like Virgo or Capricorn who might get embarrassed by a mistake.

Mercury Arians in the 3rd decan likes to help others out, they possess an expansive open-minded quality to them that likes to learn and give/take equally. They’re willing to help people in worse situation than they are if the opportunity arises.

Venus in Aries - 1st Decan/Ruled by Mars (Aries)

Aries in Venus says alot about her charisma on stage and her style that draws people into her. Her powerful performance really came through with her artistry, and it’s all in her Venus amplified by her Sun and Mercury of the same sign and similar element. She has so much passion (fire) in her chart (Aries and Sagittarius) along with the magnetic quality (water/Scorpio and Pisces) - the clash of the two elements in force makes for a powerful charisma in a person.

Venus in Aries in general, has a pretty daring and up-front style about her. She has a cheeky smile but also a confident, independent women.

Venus in Aries often has this quality about them (especially in 1st degree) anyone who wants to be with her has to match up to her in some way. She won’t ever settle for less than what she deserves, and if she finds you unworthy- well, she wouldn’t even give you her time of day.

That’s not to say she’s a minx all the time, Aries Venus charm extends to more than just her confidence. Her innocent childish charm complements the tougher side of her personality well, even the aegyo and possible tantrum she might pull is endearing.

There’s a fun-loving quality about them, like they’re not hard to please but you have to do it well. However, if you take too long to approach them they’d already be gone. They don’t tend to stick around, even if they’re going to give you a chance. They’re turned-off by wishy-washy behaviors, too much ‘games’ and not enough stimulation (slow burn) and not enough activities.

They’d rather take the lead in love and other areas in life, let them have their moments. They also like a little bit of competition, and likes games in the spirit of having fun. If something is done with intensity or mixed-up emotions (i.e. complex emotions directed towards them) they’d probably say no to that as well.

Venus (Aries) - Conjunct - Saturn (Aries) [4 degrees]

Phew Im relieved for her! Venus conjunct Saturn can help trim and regulate the more impulsive habits of a native Arian.

She’s much more thrifty than the typical Arian, and less likely to spend her money impulsively if it isn’t going to serve her long term. Saturn itself has a quality to endure and likes to establish long lasting relations. It wants to establish longevity within oneself and with others.

She’s faithful and loyal to her friends and family. When in love, she exhibits more of her deeper, caring and nurturing side Aries also have.

She understands her traditions and her duties to the people around her, and can mature her Aries up a little to becoming more reserved and humble. She also can appreciate a little bit more sensibility in people, suitors who only wants to have fun doesn’t catch her attention unless they show the same quality and good sense as she does.

This really helps her Aries plans ahead in her future as well. Although there’s an innate need for the immediate now, she’s not oblivious to how long-term planning can benefit her and her activities.

Venus (Aries) - Sextile - Uranus (Aquarius) [2 degrees]

The planet of love (venus) and the planet of innovation (Uranus) can sometimes mean she’s more adept to nontraditional relationships within her life.

This can be in her love life, associates, working relationships or personal relationships. She’s bound to have an abundance of different relationships that she might not even know how to categorize.

But when she feels comfortable with this aspect, she’ll be ok with it. The idea might unnerve her at first, but sextiles typically come to fruition if she works on understanding herself and her expression better.

She can accept different types of people she’s met in her life, her open-minded sincerity (Uranus/Aquarius ) is met with pleasant charm and a refreshing disposition (Venus/Aries) .

She can also see insincerity in people. The charmingly quick wit of Aquarian and the intensity of Scorpio can bring this about even more in people who has this aspect. She likes to meet people at a middle ground (Aquarius) somewhere they can compromise to being in between.

She’s freedom loving and likes to give back the space to other people because she feels that’s what they need in order to grow.

She likes her independence (Aries) and even when she has that intensity about her, she doesn’t mind if others are a lot more cooler or different from how she is- as long as they give the same respect back to her.

Venus (Aries) - Trine - Pluto (Sagittarius) [0 degrees]

God this is the tightest degree she has. And I’m really glad for it too.

Her areas of passion and interest (dancing/performance) is transforming her life (Pluto) this is the aspect you can really see how she belongs on the stage and why Black Pink is so so good for her.

She has a needs to do something with her passion physically (Aries) and she finds it in the form of dance. It saved her. She found ‘it’. She doesn’t really know what to do with it yet, but she dances because she loves it. She wants to show it to the world, to more and more people.

Pluto talks about transformation, and Sagittarius talks about learning and travelling. Being able to transform and learn every time she dances, she thrives on it. When she can travel with the group on tour, and she can dance on that stage, she lives and breathes passion. She transforms herself when she dance.

She can express her venus fully and comfortably, she takes on a whole new persona every time and she feels so lively and bright when she can show and do things she’s passionate about.

This aspect is working amazingly well for her, and her charisma, her stage presence her magnetic aura (Scorpio/Pluto) it all comes and leads down to this. I’m so happy for her and this aspect. God.

Mars in Virgo (R) - 3rd Decan/Ruled by Venus (Taurus)

Again this is un-aspected, so it’s probably working like her mercury. Usually un-aspected planets are working strongly for the person or it can be hard to find. I think personally for Lisa, she might not find this aspect in herself (un-relatable) especially since it’s in retrograde. It can be abit more slow moving for her to realize or self-actualize than others.

Mars in Virgo are focused, detail-oriented and often busy people. They can become nervous if they don’t work a lot (when bp comeback doesn’t come, most likely Lisa NEEDED those modeling ads to keep her nervous energy at bay) they become restless if they feel like they aren’t being productive, and do their best to serve or work towards a project.

Mars in Virgo can be prone to micromanaging alot, and this might affect them personally. They can appear abit scattered or all over the place (trying to do everything at once) as well as micromanaging their feelings or emotions ‘not right now, lets do that later’ - this especially in retrograde, makes them notorious for being harder to anger than even a Capricorn Mars (who actively repress their emotions) Virgo still needs to explode, but more than righteous anger they are more prone to bursts of verbal attacks and creative criticism than anything else.

They’re less confrontational, and would probably not even realize they’re angry or upset until days later. Lisa having this in 3rd decan AND retrograde, she’s much more prone to neglecting her emotions until later or not realizing them at all, with an innate need/influence to keep peace and positive emotions at all times- she can even neglect her own emotions in order to keep the balance or diplomacy in situation.

However, if it overwhelms her (both Virgo and Taurus are earth signs, they’re good at suppressing but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel deeply.) she can breakdown pretty easily when she bottles it up too much and be overwhelmed with emotions. It’s good to realize this sooner and learn how to manage her concerns in a healthier way.

Conclusion:

God I love her.

That Venus-trine-pluto aspect at 0 degrees really did me in. It sealed my coffin and I’m forever in love with her please write that on my grave stone.

Usually, Venus-Pluto aspected people tend to have a charm to them. The sexy Scorpio type charm? Even in square or opposition aspect it can come across as magnetizing to other people. Lisa having this working FOR her is amazing to her own benefit. She deserves the world and if she could have one thing in life, it’s this. Her dance IS her escape from her mind. Her performance and travelling and being the group helps her with her personal growth and development, it saves her vitality and her life. She found a good output for her energy and she can finally learn how to unwind and relax.

Lisa has a lot of nervous energy about her in her signs and aspects, especially in her Virgo Mars being un-aspected and her Uranus/Jupiter squares. She’s actually doing pretty well not having a lot of difficult or ‘disharmonious’ aspects to worry about or overcome. At the same time, her mind is her biggest enemy and that in itself takes a whole lot of energy to conquer.

💕gosh this was really fun to do, time consuming but less taxing on me to provide in-depth explanation on how they’re all working together. I just had to do them separately. Anyways, I’m really glad I did this because I got really excited for her on that one aspect (as well as other areas in her life) I really hope to explore her chart further, maybe romantically or sexually because I totally pg-ed it out on here to save materials for next time 💕

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permearee · 5 years

Note

HA all the symbols

🍰 - What is their favorite type of dessert or sweet?

this could end up being confirmed otherwise with canon but… he’s not crazy about sweets. he doesn’t dislike them but he doesn’t really crave sugar. he likes desserts that are less sweet. so cheesecakes or fruit-based desserts. he prefers savory foods.

🐢 - What type of animal would they keep for a pet?

he would love a dog. like maybe a medium to large dog? he’d love any pet unconditionally. imagining him with a shibe inu is… good wholesome content.

🐙 - They are crossing the ocean. What are the circumstances and how did they get there?

he’s probably going to that big hero exhibition or traveling to learn more and do internships elsewhere. he wouldn’t necessarily do that now given his circumstance and he wouldn’t want to leave tamaki but those are some options. he’d just take a flight, i’m sure.

🌎 - If money were no object, where would they live and what would they do with their life? (Ex: entrepreneur, playboy, philanthropist, etc)

ah, he’d just be a hero. philanthropist is definitely most like him. he would love to just have a very successful agency that secures the safety of the country first and foremost. ( maybe also use some of that money to buy him and tamaki a nice place to live and get their marriage started? cause that’s definitely going to happen. )

🎂 - Do they celebrate their birthday?

of course. he’d like to celebrate it with deku sometimes as well.

🎓 - Are they well-educated?

he does his best… he has all the opportunities to be well-educated, so yes. he’s just not doing great in the actual grades department but he’s quite intelligent in other ways.

📬 - A mysterious letter has just been found in their mailbox. How does your character react? Who would it be from?

if it was suspicious he would be pretty hesitant to open it and take certain safety precautions before opening it. it could be from his family though. maybe tamaki did something nice for him? maybe izuku decided to send him a letter instead of a text? hopefully, it’s not from a villain…

⌚ - Is your character punctual or procrastinator?

he can be both. he takes his responsibilities very seriously but he can procrastinate pretty hard on school work. his mind is in a million places at once…

💰 - Your character just found a fat sack of gold on a bench. What do they do with it?

he would be suspicious about it but would likely ultimately take it to the authorities. likely, it was stolen from somewhere/one and needs to be returned or maybe someone is looking for it.

👙 - Is your character trendy or do they just not give a damn?

he thinks he’s pretty trendy. he doesn’t go out of his way to follow new trends, mostly just putting together what’s currently in stores. his style can be quirky but it typically works well.

🎠 - Your character is at the carnival. What kinds of rides or games do they check out to entertain themselves?

all rides. he likes all rides. he likes the classic cute ones like ferris wheels and merry go rounds but also loves the thrill of the big rollercoaters. he would also love the strength testing games. he’s not a mean guy but he likes to flex… he also likes to win tamaki prizes.

🔮 - Your character is having their future told by someone pretty shady. Do they call the fortune teller out or just roll with it?

gosh… he used to work under a fortune teller of sorts and he’d have mixed feelings about hearing anything from anyone else. he’d probably just be polite and then move on and try to ignore the sadness in his heart. izuku’s already proven that the future is never set in stone anyway.

🎃 - What is your character’s favorite holiday?

he likes all holidays! christmas and new years are his favorites even though he doesn’t love the cold. there’s just so much positivity in the air during that time.

🎶 - What would your character say about your personal taste in music?

he’s fine with it too. he likes the rock and alternative i listen to more as well. but he likes some good cheesy pop music too, something he can loudly sing along to lol. rip tamaki…

💒 - Does your character want marriage or a lifelong commitment?

yes! i mean.. he’s not going to force it on anyone but yes. he wants a home and possibly a family and a happily ever after.

♓ - Hey baby, what’s your sign? What would your character’s zodiac sign be and what qualities do they carry to make them fall under that sign?

he’s a cancer and in some ways i think he suits the sign but in other ways not so much. he’s pretty boisterous for a cancer but he’s loyal and empathetic and has an off beat sense of humor lol.

🚼 - Does your character have or want kids?

he doesn’t have any right now unless you count eri. kids are a possibility with him for sure. he wants to raise and nurture someone anyway. if they aren’t his own children, that’s fine too.

⚠ - What has your character almost done that made someone talk them out of or convince them not to do it?

yes, he’s definitely been talked out of doing dumb shit by tamaki in their years of friendship. he’s probably been talked out of beating bullies up and skipping class among other things.

♿ - Is your character in some way handicapped? (This includes physical, emotional, and mental.)

he’s quirkless at the moment so that’s kind of one but other than that, no.

💊 - Is your character on medication? If so, why?

nope.

🌞🌜 - Is your character an early bird or night owl? What makes them that way?

a bit of both. he likes to sleep in but he also likes to not waste time on sleep so there are many days of him not getting much sleep in general.

📚 - Does your character read?

not really. not a lot, at least. like of course he reads but it’s not notable and it’s not a hobby unless you count comics. he does like to read comics.

📓 - If your character keeps a journal, what is the most secret thought they keep in it?

he doesn’t. he could never keep up with something like that.

📰 - An obituary for your character was found in the local paper this morning. What did it say?

i’m still not good at these things... but it would probably be one of those positive obituaries that points out all his achievements and good traits, something to inspire hope and bring happiness to people around him. it would definitely be sad but he would want it to be positive.

💢 - What frustrates your character more than anything?

not a lot really gets under his skin but injustice is something. disrespect. lack of humor. school work and studying is really frustrating.

✌ - Your character just made a trespass against someone else, how would they go about righting it given the chance? Or would they at all?

he definitely would try to make things right. humor is his go-to as well as probably being honest about his mistake. he’s a good guy but sometimes his approach to things is a bit odd to most people. he’d lead with making the person smile ( hopefully ) then genuinely apologize.

🍴 - What is the absolute worst meal your character has ever eaten? Were they verbal about it or did they just not say anything?

he definitely didn’t say anything. he just ate it and tried to be nice about it. little white lies aren’t bad but he’s not really a picky eater. he likes to try most things.

🍜 - Carnivore/Pescatarian/Vegetarian/Vegan/Other? What kind of diet does your character have?

again, a normal omnivorous diet lol. he leans more towards nutrition with lots of protein and health benefits though to keep his body in top condition. he didn’t get as big as he is on accident.

💋 - Your character was just kissed by someone they can’t stand. Why and how did it happen?

well, he’d be extremely confused. mirio’s heart only belongs to one person but depending on the approach, his reaction could range between politely declining and determinedly declining. it’s difficult even for him to be kind to someone who forces themselves on him.

😇 - What was your character’s last good deed?

he does all sorts of good deeds regularly! he probably held the door open for another student or professor or something like that.

😁 - Someone just tripped and fell in front of your character. Do they laugh or help the person up?

he would definitely help them up. he might laugh but it would be good-natured. like, ‘oh geeze. it’s one of those days, huh? let me help you up. there you go. yes, yes.”

😨 - Your character just broke wind in public. Do they try to hide it or own up to it?

he would own up to it. he would make a whole scene about it probably, try to turn it into something everyone can laugh about. farts are funny and normal, why should they make things awkward?

😍 - Your character’s lust object just passed right by them. How awkward do they get as they try to make conversation?

mirio doesn’t really lust after people... but in a situation where he wasn’t already close to the person who he’s interested in, he’d just introduce himself and make small talk, try to get their number or something. mirio isn’t really ever awkward, or he doesn’t feel awkward. i’m sure he makes some people feel awkward though...

😒 - “Ugh! Not him/her/them/it again.” How does your character react to annoying people?

he reacts to them about the same as he reacts to every other acquaintance level person in his life. he’s not going to pick fights like that.

😂 - Your character is moved to tears. What’s a kindness that another showed to them?

he’s less likely to be moved by someone’s kindness towards him than seeing others show kindness towards someone else. it’s just more inspiring that way. that’s not to say he isn’t moved in certain situations, like, he’ll definitely cry when he gets married or something.

😄 - What has ever made your character laugh so hard that they almost passed out?

lots of things. night eye’s jokes made him laugh a lot. he finds tamaki can be pretty hilarious when he wants to be. it doesn’t take him much to laugh.

😈 - What’s your character’s favorite cuss word?

he doesn’t curse a lot... probably ‘shit’ or ‘ass’. he uses them in weird ways though. like, ‘ah ass,’ if something goes wrong.

😏 - Is your character having a dirty thought right now?

no. he’s just chillin’.

🍺 - Cheers! What is your character’s favorite alcoholic beverage? What was the last thing they got smashed off of?

he likes beer, mostly imported. sake is a simple go-to as well. he doesn’t really get smashed.

💫 - Your character is suffering memory loss after being knocked unconscious. What happens afterwards and how did it happen?

it probably happened during a fight or maybe and enemy’s quirk. i can only imagine how difficult his life would be after losing his memory. he has really good, close friends and it would be really heartbreaking if he forgot them. if he had his quirk, he’d probably have to relearn all that which would be a pretty big set back. i should hope someone would be looking for a solution.

💡 - What is the best idea your character ever had?

i’ll say sacrificing himself to save eri. it didn’t work out for him but it’s exactly the kind of man he wanted to be.

💍 - Does your character wear any type of jewelry?

nah. maybe a necklace or ring on occasion but with his quirk... he’d lose any jewelry pretty quickly every time he used it which is unfortunate, because he’d rock an earring or two if he could.

⛪ - Is your character religious or spiritual in anyway?

not really. there are certain things he believes in but those are more principles than religion or spirituality.

🎱 - Your character and a talking raccoon walk into a bar…

they’re also probably working on a strange job together and are probably having a grand old time. i’m just picturing him and rocket hanging out and it’s awesome. they’d have a great time.

📼 - An interrogation tape emerges regarding a recent interview with your character. What are they being questioned for?

well, he’s either being interrogated because that’s what happens if you’re a hero on the job and you need to be interviewed about the case but other than that made he was getting up to some dumb mischief. he wasn’t always a goody-two-shoes. maybe beat up some bullies or used his quirk outside of school without a license.

👟 - Is your character into personal fitness? If so, what’s their exercise routine?

YES. he does all of the things. he works extremely hard to keep his body in the best shape possible, especially now that he’s quirkless. a lot of his routine is weight training but of course he’s got endurance and cardio in there. he has to have those things too. he does some kind of exercise everyday, goes to the gym every day if he has time. he’s got good recovery at this point so he takes few rest days.

📺 - What would your character’s favorite TV show be? What’s their favorite genre?

his fave genre is definitely comedy. he’s a solid fan of rom coms too. big action flicks are fun too. classic westerns. i think he probably watches a lot of music related television as well and those comedic japanese variety shows. he’d love to be on one someday.

🍀 - Does your character carry a good luck charm? Do they believe in luck?

again, he can’t really carry anything around with him... he believes that luck is a factor in life sometimes for sure, it’s hard to ignore it but he’s a strong believer in making your own luck too.

#oevvre #replies.*#hc.*

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jenniferisacommonname · 3 years

Text

Voiceactors in my Head

One of my many contradictory feature sets is a silent, circumventing stubbornness paired with a pathological fear of confrontation. I will get what I want, and I will not stand my ground if verbally pressed on it. I concede points like it’s an Olympic sport. But as long as everyone's still smiling—gently, snidely, or otherwise—then I can go on forever. Case in point, I once trolled a stranger on the internet for over a year. (Don’t worry; by the end of the story you’ll be on my side again. And if you’re not, well, I mostly agree with you.)

It all started with a CD which was, at the time, exclusively available through the record label’s website. This was back in 2005, when online retailers still ran on frontier justice and only fools uttered the words “free shipping.” Needless to say, I did not have an existing account.

But we do what we must. So I bent the knee, and delivered my modern-day rogation of name, email, and PII governed by the Sarbanes-Oxley Act in order to receive my one CD—then I defiantly wasted that effort by never patronizing their establishment again. I mean, the album was fine, and I’m sure they had other struggling artists whose work I would have enjoyed, but apparently I’m against creative expression and the American small business owner or something.

Anyway, five years of blissful non-interaction go by. Then one day in 2010, I get a mass email from the founder of this little indie record label. It was—or at least it aspired to be—a classic “starting a new chapter” kind of announcement, letting everyone know that he had sold his (incredibly!) successful company, and was using the proceeds to start a charity that would bring music lessons to inner city children.

And, hey, I thought, that’s cool. Music is great for kids. Except… the tone of the email was weird. It was more than just casual; it was chummy. The concept of a YouTuber didn’t exist back then, but here was its primordial ancestor, testing the beachhead with its nascent flipper-legs of peppy chic.

“Yo, J-dawg, how's it hanging? Remember back in [mail-merged year] when you bought [whatever]? What a great album, am I right?! Anyway, it's been so long since we rapped, I thought I'd update you on my sitch…”

Obviously, I’m paraphrasing, but that’s how the voiceactor in my head performed it. And it just rubbed me so hard the wrong way. I mean, look, I get it—we live in a promotional society, and there's no avoiding that. I’ve done my fair share of book pimping, and if you have a legitimate fan base the intrusion can even be a welcome one. So, fine. Tell me about your thing—once—and maybe I'll buy it. But don't act like we're friends, like I have some kind of obligation to you beyond this basic consumer relationship that we've established.

So my gut reaction was a hard pass, pleading children’s eyes be damned. But the email didn’t include a link to unsubscribe. This spammer was so brazen, he had sent the message from his personal email account, as if threats like “more updates to come!” belonged in anything but a ransom note font. If I wanted my name off the list, I would have to actually write him back, creating exactly the kind of low-stakes, one-on-one confrontation that we all know is worse than torture.

How would I even phrase it, knowing that his overture was from the heart and my rejection would travel right back along that path? “Listen, amigo, I know you probably spent an hour composing this raw, honest self-reflection on your priorities, but it’s garbage, and I never want to hear from you again. Please keep in mind that while you have failed to inspire me, you’ve also failed the children. Because you’re a failure.”

The actual words wouldn’t matter; I was sure that’s what he’d hear. In fact, I would argue that a polite rejection is often worse, because it leaves no option for the rejectee to write off the loss as a dodged bullet. They really were a nice person, and you’ll probably never find anyone so humble again, you loser.

So instead, I got out my favorite piece of social armor: the ironic “yes, and.” In improv theater, if a scene partner implies that you’re the best of friends, you don’t argue with them. You commit to the bit. So I did.

“Oh my God, Steve, it's so good to hear from you!” I wrote (except I used his real name, of course.) “I can’t believe you still remember our special album. Makes me weepy just thinking about what it meant to us. Anyway, here’s what’s been going on in my life...” Then without warning, I dumped several years’ worth of emotional trauma on him—about severe autism, and how hard day-to-day life was, and how each treatment brought hope and frustration in equal measure while somehow never easing my crippling fear of the future. It was a therapy session on steroids, directed at a stranger under the guise of bitter sarcasm. My flippant sign-off left no doubts about my true feelings: “Anyway, as I’m sure you can imagine, we are flat broke with medical bills, bruh! So I'm gonna need you to take us off your list. But in the meantime, here are some autism charities that you could donate to on our behalf, since we're such good friends.”

To be clear, open snark isn’t remotely in the spirit of “yes, and.” But it felt better in that moment than honest rejection, and I figured he’d take the hint.

Instead, the guy wrote back.

“Wow, what an amazing story!” he said. “Crazy world we live in. I'll go ahead and take you off the list, but I do hope you'll think of us in the future.”

Ugh. He had met my bad behavior with empathy, and I felt moderately ashamed. Then again, you couldn’t argue with results, and at least I knew this ordeal was behind me.

Except he didn't take me off the list. A couple of weeks later, I get another fake-personal email, which I must again paraphrase, though I remember with furious precision the way it made me feel. “Heyyyy Jenn-ster, it's me again! I know how much you've always loved music, so I know you're gonna want to hear about this...”

BITCH. YOU. DON’T. KNOW. ME.

“Steve, what happened?!” I wrote back. “You used to be such a good listener! I think the money's changed you, man.” And I asked once again to be taken off the list.

This time, he ignored me. No reply, and the spam kept coming.

So I just decided that this was going to be our thing. Every time he sent me an email full of stuff I didn't care about, I was going to send him an email full of stuff he didn't care about. Except I kept pushing it a little farther each time, like, “Ooh, potty training's not going so great, let me tell you all about it...” And at the end of every email I'd always remind him, “Hey, anytime you want to stop getting updates on my son's bowel movements, all you have to do is take me off your list.” Sometimes I bolded it; once I super-sized it into a 40-point font. But he never did.

This went on for over a year.

But I won.

It’s a trite saying, but sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words. The last email I ever got from this guy was short, which was unusual for him, and it said something like, “Great news! We've just graduated our first class of students—check out these pics!” (Why am I paraphrasing so much, when email is forever and I could just go back and give you direct quotes? Stop asking questions and roll with me for a minute.) Anyway, embedded in the email, like already loaded and filling the screen HTML-style, was this giant picture of… I don’t know, a kid kissing a trumpet or something. It was probably super cute, to be honest—but I was on a mission.

“Great news!” I wrote back, trying as always to mimic the exact structure of whatever he had sent me. “My son just had a colonoscopy—check out these pics!” And I pasted the actual medical photos of my child’s rectal passage into the email, pre-loaded and filling the screen, so he’d be forced to view them against his will, just as I’d been forced to endure his endless marketing crap.

Sure enough, he never emailed me again.

Pretty good story, right? And that closer—I mean how can you top sending medical photos to a complete stranger just to gross them out? Unfortunately (or fortunately; I’ll leave it up to you,) this one has a weirdly philosophical denouement. If you like your narratives sassy and single-layered, I suggest you duck out now.

Around 2015, I was trawling my past for wild stories that could be condensed into a tight three minutes for open mic night, and ‘that time I emailed colonoscopy pics to a spammer’ was an obvious contender. Once I had the basic structure written down, more or less exactly as I remembered it, I went digging through those ancient emails to finalize the details.

And what I found was… not what I remembered. The story I told above clearly had some emotional embellishments (see: paraphrasing), but it was fundamentally true in circumstance, I thought. And, yes, I really did send this guy two pictures of my son’s colonoscopy, though they were just thumbnail attachments, not embedded. But the text of my actual emails to him barely came off as snarky at all, and I never once told him in clear terms to take me off his list. There are a few lame hints at irony that you can pick out if you really squint, but by and large I was just… writing him back. Like we were friends.

Which is a good thing, because his emails to me were even less accurate in my memory than mine had been. He hadn’t cut me off; he’d replied to every single email I’d sent, in a way that made it clear that he’d watched every video and read every article. He was cordial, empathetic, and seemed genuinely interested in my kids. It was a therapy session on steroids, all right—minus the steroids.

BITCH.

YOU. KNOW. ME.

And in return for all this kindness, I had sent him horrific medical photos for no reason. To which he had replied (and this time I’m not paraphrasing,) “Thanks for the update on your son. I appreciate it. Keep up the good work. All the best to you both.” The updates from him had indeed ceased after that, but from what I can tell it was just a coincidental winding down of that particular enterprise, not a removal of my name from any specific list.

Eventually, I ended up emailing him again, this time as a penitential mea culpa to ease my own conscience. I explained the situation, and apologized for my unfair judgment of years past, plus of course the unsolicited sigmoid landscapes. He thought the whole thing was hilarious, and admitted that he’d never once picked up on my poorly-conveyed bitterness.

More important than the personal amends, though, was the lesson I had to swallow about how emotions don’t just cloud memories—sometimes they invent them out of whole cloth. I swear, I swear I remember a photo of a kid graduating from his charitable music lessons, but I can find absolutely no evidence of it anywhere. My brain made it up to retroactively justify my behavior: yes, I sent a photo, but only because he sent a photo first. It’s not even a remotely good justification, but I guess it took the edge off just enough to keep seeing myself as a good person.

It was an important lesson professionally, too. History is nothing but a mashup of inherently self-serving memories, and multiple perspectives can only draw a narrative closer to objective truth by half-steps, never to fully reach its destination. Even hard evidence is fallible, because my emails as written did not accurately represent how I felt when I wrote them, which is an important part of the story in its own way. Misinterpretations and flawed perspectives are inevitable, but they’re also necessary, and stripping them out as a historian is just as wrong as taking them at face value. A story is both what the participants think it is, and what we know it isn’t—especially when those two conflict—and every non-fiction piece I write is just somebody else’s therapy session on steroids.

#spam #spammers #autism #troll #colonoscopy #medical photo #stand up #open mic #music #album #online retail

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thejesusreport · 6 years

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Contrary to Popular Opinion, We Need Jesus!

I recently posted (on my Avenger-Equalizer Tumblr blog site and webpage) an article from the Wall Street Journal called “The Enlightenment Is Working” which claimed that “The world has improved by every measure of human flourishing over the past two centuries, and the progress continues, writes Steven Pinker.” Mr. Pinker calls those who see problems in our world “nay-sayers and prophets of gloom and doom.” Needless to say, the world has improved in many areas and in many ways. However, to say that the world “has improved by every measure of human flourishing” is grossly over-stating reality and the increasing problems we have in our troubled society. Whether genocide (Jews, Japanese nuclear bomb victims, Bosnians Serbs, Rwandan Tutsis, unborn children) or violent gun deaths as a symptom of our increasingly depressed and dysfunctional (and superficial, lazy and dishonest) society, such as the increasing number of suicides, many by our own returning veterans, drug overdoses due to opioids and other drugs and the increasingly medicated society we live in with a large percentage of our population on anti-depressants, opiates for pain and relaxation, anti-anxiety drugs and anti-psychotics. There is still considerable hunger and poverty in the world, including in this country, though, as Pinker correctly points out, some of the percentages are a bit lower, though hunger has hardly been eradicated. Anyone who doubts this should visit a soup kitchen in major metropolitan areas or take a “country road” into Appalachia in the mountains of West Virginia. A recent series of articles in the Los Angeles Times pointed out that the homeless population is skyrocketing in L.A. and surrounding areas! With shrinking municipal, state and federal budgets, there are less shelters and substance abuse and mental health treatment centers vital to reducing the homeless population. And developers won’t develop low-income housing unless government steps in and provides money and incentives and planning boards end the racist and anti-poverty exclusionary zoning. Of course, there’s also pollution of the air, land, ocean, lakes and rivers, loss of forests and natural areas and vital wetlands due to over-development, water shortages due to over pumping of dry ecosystems, viral contagions, hunger, wildfires and flooding due to poor development decisions, pointless wars, threat of nuclear annihilation, torture, terrorism, etc. I’m not even counting acts of God such as earthquakes, certain floods and wildfires, hurricanes and tornadoes, tsunamis, volcanoes, etc. Yes, we (even the poor) have more technology, money, leisure time, material goods, consumer luxuries and digital electronics including computers, tablets, phones, etc. but if our material wealth and luxurious consumerism is making us so happy, why are we so depressed and anxious and suicidal?? If our wars and wartime mentality is so just and wonderful, why are our soldiers coming home with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) so severe they commit suicide or end up in mental institutions? And if the #MeToo/#Time’sUP movement can be believed, women are increasingly the victims of sexual abuse, assault and harassment and child-directed sex crimes are rampant. Racism, sexism, classism, extreme nationalism and other forms of discrimination and xenophobia are not going away, actually these abhorrent events are going up in number since Trump took office. This is true even though we constantly focus on these issues in the press and in our national and world conversation! How has our increasingly technological, scientific and rational enlightenment been a boon to all these “victims” of the modern and post-modern world? Is our namby-pamby and Pollyannaish press simply glorifying the mundane and crass parts of the world economy which produce money, excess wealth and material luxuries? Our computer and cellphone literacy has skyrocketed, while reading comprehension and knowledge of history, geography, literature, languages, etc., continues to decline and math scores fall well below other developed nations. Our texting prowess has soared while our relationships and marriages flounder in increasing dysfunction. Do people talk directly to one another anymore? Clearly a significant part of our population is being left behind in the “enlightened” flourishing! Unemployment is becoming entrenched for many minority groups (many of all races have left the workforce entirely), while poor and depressed areas in our country and in the third world are an embarrassment when we have corporate CEO’s making over $50 million per year and we have individuals with a net worth over $120 billion, while poor and working-class families struggle to survive on the federal minimum wage which is still under $8 per hour! I’ve recently read books by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, both titans of the progressive cause, and they cite the increasingly extreme statistics of wealth inequality and the fact that even the so-called middle class is being squeezed. Our tax code and all our laws and corporate bailouts have caused our economic growth to go to the top 1% of wealthy people in this country (could anyone actually use $123 billion?), while the poor and middle class stagnate and fall further behind the so-called American “dream”? It’s even worse in other less-developed nations. Still think we don’t need a Savior? Some say that our sophisticated technological fixes will solve our world’s pollution and environmental problems, but as we continue to over-develop, can we keep up? Scientists say the earth is heating up and that we could see an increase in extinction of rare species and increasing sea-level rise (especially if major Antarctic ice shelves melt) which could inundate low lying areas and destroy whole communities and ecosystems. We have already lost over 50% of our coastal and inland wetlands (which provide wildlife and aquatic habitat, nutrient storage, pollution filtration and flood control) throughout the world, and we’ve lost a large percentage of our vital coastal mangrove forests (which harbor fish and other sea life and provide vital nutrients and shoreline stabilization) and we are losing coral reefs (vital habitat for fish and other aquatic life) to pollution and development. And we cannot manufacture healthy, natural ecosystems, mangrove forests, reefs, wilderness and wetlands. In some areas of America and other countries, we are losing, to callous greed and over-development, virgin forests and buffers for rivers and lakes as well as open space for suburban and urban populations which are a vital place for wildlife to thrive and for harried workers to decompress. There are less and less untouched old-growth forests left and roadless areas are being impinged by recreational and energy exploitation. Rather than conserve energy and oil, we want to destroy the last vestiges of wilderness in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska! Don’t you think that Jesus could make a big difference in our environment? I hear people constantly complaining about this problem and that problem, but when a Savior is mentioned, they almost invariably say “I don’t need any help” or “I can take care of myself.” These answers show pride and ego and an unwillingness to confront the reality that this world is pointed in the wrong direction and in need of Godly intervention. Do we want a “Heavenly Kingdom”? Or will we settle for a depressing, polluted and over-developed, heavily medicated “hell on earth.” With Global Warming we won’t need even to go “down there”! If you look online or in the bookstore, there are literally tens of thousands of self-help and psychology books and thousands more inspirational and spiritual guides. But self-help and inspirational guides are only as good as how they are put to use, much as the Bible and in particular, the New Testament is as good as one puts the commands of Jesus into practice! Greed, selfishness and hedonism have gotten us into the predicament we are in. Therefore, we must not only know the Truth, but we must put the Truth into practice every day. As Jesus said, “Deny thyself and take up thy cross and follow me.” Signed, Stephen M. Theriault Stephen M. Theriault is the author of The Practical Guide to Real Christianity and is organizer/founder of International Citizens Against Corruption and Overdevelopment, one of many groups he has begun. (on Facebook) and Avenger-Equalizer blog. Avenger/Equalizer Blog: www.theavenger.us (also on Facebook and Tumblr, as well as TheJesusReport blog found only on Tumblr.) I am @stevetheriault9 on Twitter.com. P.S. I strongly assert that if it were not for Jesus’ intervention, we would long ago have destroyed the earth with nuclear war. Pray He keeps His finger on the button preventing our annihilation. I continue to tell the Truth whether or not people are listening.

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avenger-equalizer-blog · 6 years

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Contrary to Popular Opinion, We Need Jesus!

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