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newt-and-salamander · 4 months

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Okay, time to go and overshare online because that's a very healthy coping mechanism and also impeccable internet safety.

Soooo, I had this job as a student assistant for 2.5 years. I worked for a professor (lets call him Mr. J.) and we got along quite well and I am very sure I carried out my tasks very efficiently and well. He repeatedly told me so.

Last year in January I received an offer as a student assistant for a different project (with Mrs. S), and also a different Professor (Mrs. Y) asked me if I would be interested to be her PhD student after I finished my degree. I was overjoyed because I was extremely interested in Mrs. Y's work and had meant to ask her myself but couldn't muster the courage. As Mrs. S worked in the same field, it was clear I would take her job as well.

So I talked to Mr. J and told him I would take a second job and I would need to lower my work load with him from 40 h/month to 30. He was ... not happy. I remember him literally saying "If Y wants to throw her hat into the ring, who am I to stop her", and in what I considered to be honest career advice, he told me not to go into her field as it was not very promising for a university career atm.

Fast-forward to June: It became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to work 60 h/month while writing my Master thesis starting in September, so I went to Mr J. and told him I would need to quit in autumn. It made sense, because the project I worked on with S was very much adjacent to the topic I chose for my thesis. Again, J was not overjoyed to hear this and told me it was "hard to find good people", but I took that as a compliment.

I finished all my tasks in time and I spent several hours in September showing my successor how to take over from me.

I then wrote a long email to J, thanking him for the 2.5 years we had worked together and everything he had taught me - because it was true, he had been a good boss and I had learned a lot and I knew he had made sure to give me interesting tasks. He had even sent me to a work trip to Paris to do some research in some archives there. I appreciated that a lot and I told him (and I had told him before), and wroteI regretted that I had to leave the job, but that I had had a great time. I also asked him if he could write me a employer's reference as it was pretty much my first proper job.

I didn't expect a bouquet of flowers or anything, but I thought he might write back with something like "thanks for your work, good luck with your thesis". All I got back then was a one liner saying he would write the reference.

I already had the feeling back then that he was sulking, but I brushed the thought away as him being very busy. I met him once on the corridor since then, where he very obviously had no time for me. And today I got the employer's reference, 3 months after I had asked him to write one.

It was a generic text about the university, then a list of my tasks which I provided and then 2 paragraphs, of which the first one said also the very generic things about my work behaviour, including 2 typos, and the whole second paragraph was dedicated to how I quit the job because I got another attractive offer and how he regrettet to let me go.

And ... I get it. These things are always very gerenic and maybe I'm reading too much into it. But tbh reading this, I feel very bad, because I think the only effort he put into it was to make sure I knew he was not happy about me leaving, and also this sounds like I left on a whim, while I told him 4 months prior. I am also very disappointed because he never once said thank you or good bye to me, and - as a person who is generally not very sure of herself - I think this letter understates my actual performance. All the time I thought I was overinterpreting his behaviour, but now I think it's safe to say that he's offended. And I don't understand why. I was only his student assistant. I think I did my job very reliably, but at the end of the day it still was scanning books for his seminars and going to archives to take photos of documents for him. I did not betray him in any personal way. I don't see why he would react in such a way. (And I can't stop thinking about the "throwing the hat into the ring" comment. If he felt I should in any way be more loyal (???) to him and IF he had maybe thought of offering me a PhD position, he could have done it then and there. I can't read his thoughts. I am suffering from impostor syndrom anyway, I don't think anyone would willingly want to take me on for a doctorate.)

Anyway, I'm confused and hurt and I wrote him an email asking very nicely to correct the typos. Let's see if that takes him 3 more months.

#also I have covid rn so maybe i'm a bit too emotional #and I just realised by working more than 10 h/week i might have tapped into my time for the cursed Wissenschaftszeitvertragsgesetz #and nobody told me #but let's not jump to conclusions i'm upset enough #and I can't stop wondering if I ACTUALLY did something wrong #rant #nobody will read this i hope #back to my master thesis #personal thoughts #uni

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pbandjesse · 9 months

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My neck is doing better but is still very stiff. And I just had one of the worst charlie horses in my calf I have ever had. Like I can't fully stand up on my heel because it stretches my leg down and I am not having fun. And James is in New York and is sending me very confusing texts which has me all out of sorts. I don't like feeling so confused.

I didn't have a bad day though. It was fine. The best thing that happened today was finishing my blanket. That made me so happy. Helen said I was running around showing it off with a big smile like it was my baby. And it's true,n it feels that way.

I started the day feeling fine enough. I apparently snoozed my alarm though and I don't remember doing so which frustrated me. I would feel alright. Neck still stuff but not as painful. I got dressed and ready. I felt like I was forgetting something though and as we were leaving I realized I forgot my rings. James went back for them and that made me feel a little better.

Breakfast was correct this time. And we got to the market before 8. Even with leaving a few minutes late so I'm pretty impressed.

I was fully in charge today and because my focus was so much on that I was not a very good salesperson I always sold one sticker pack and that was it. But because I was getting paid to be there I don't care as much honestly. I was happy to stand at the market table next to my table and work on my blanket. I finished sewing the last rose together within the first hour and then I spent the next 2 hours working on the sewing down it tail ends. They're not all done but at least it's mostly finished and it looks great and I'm so proud of it. I think there's like 60 hours into this blanket. And I am really thrilled with the final product. I still might put a fleece back on it but honestly because I've sewn down the edges so well I don't even know if it needs it. I'm still really happy though and I just want everyone to know all about it.

I also had some really nice conversations with people. As people were getting set up I had to ask two of the smaller distilleries to be next to each other in one spot but there were super chill about it. And then because the charcuterie people came I had to move the Puerto Rican distillery all the way down to the end but I gave them the option for spots and they picked their favorite one so no one was mad at me. And then I found out that four of us are not going to be there next weekend so it's going to be kind of a sparse market because it's like Jenny and bread and food and it's I don't know what they're going to do without us. I'm the least of the concerns but still my energy will not be there.

James came out to buy breakfast and baked goods and while we were paying a woman was looking at my blanket and trying to understand them notes that I append to it and so I went over to chat with her and she was so nice and very encouraging. And I started explaining to some older women about at the construction and I was like you know a potholder loom this is essentially a blanket made a pod holders. And it made me laugh and it made them laugh and it was just a good way of explaining what I had done since I didn't have my wing with me to have a visual. But I very happily stood there and worked on sewing down those edges until about noon.

When I finally made a sale. I sold my sticker pack to a lovely girl around my age. And she ran over to her friends to tell them about the stickers and they were all very excited and I got a little boost of pride because they were so interested in my stickers. I need to order more of the jobs and I want to get some drawing done tomorrow. Tomorrow my big plan is to work on my Native American field trip PowerPoints. Because I have need two of them. I might just make one PowerPoint though and just like have a an opening and closing section but regardless I would like to also get a little bit of drawing done and some deciding on what my next stickers will be. I also would like at some point to make a better sticker display and packaging but for now I'm happy with what I got.

Once everyone was done at the market I packed up real quickly and went inside to talk to James and have them take a picture of me holding my blanket. And I chatted with Stanley and Bob and my neck was doing a lot better and my back was doing a lot better but I was still tired and I didn't want to stay till 2:00 but I stayed until everyone was out of the pavilion which is what I've been told to do in the past. I walked down to the water after sitting with James for a while. There were jellyfish and I was really excited about that because I love seeing the jellyfish in the harbor. And I even saw some fish and it was like a whole school of fish swimming back and forth and that was neat to see too. And honestly was a really beautiful day for how humid it could have been with the storms coming in tomorrow and this upcoming week. I was in a really good mood though and while I was very happy to be done and going home I was also not dying of exhaustion like sometimes I am.

After I said goodbye to James I got myself together in the car and went home. There was a little bit of traffic but it apparently cleared up before it became an issue. And I got home before 2:00.

When I got back here I brought my bags in and my blanket and hung the blanket up on my garment rack in the studio. I'm hoping that the weight of itself will pull the stitches a little bit so that I can see if there's any failure marks or failure points. Anything that needs to be reinforced. And I got a little shower and I changed into a soft shirt and then I laid down.

I watched a video for a little bit but then I fell asleep. I woke up at 4:00 as James was getting ready to go. They looked so handsome and it was just nice looking at them. I really could have gone with them to New York but I have no interest in seeing basketball game and it will be nice to get some work done tomorrow. Have some time alone. I gave them a very big hug and told them to be safe and then they were off.

I would get up soon after that and when and had some food. And then I played a game on my tablet for a little while and then I painted my nails. But I ended up messing up my pointer and thumb on my right hand because I started working on my next knit project and I could not wait until my nail polish was dry obviously so I messed it up and took it off those two fingers. Maybe I will repaint them later but I was very much into this new project.

The new knit squares are going to be much larger than the last ones they're 19 rows across instead of 12 which doesn't sound like it's that much more but it is. Originally with the small squares they take about 15 minutes, the new squares take 45 to an hour. I think I'll get faster as I'm going but I am very pleased with the size that I have chosen. I didn't have the right size hoop so I just marked off on a medium sized hoop how many pegs I needed and I think it will work out just fine. I honestly can probably get two done because I can do one on each side but I'm not going to worry about that right now.

I would watch a documentary and eventually take a longer bath. My hair feels very strange and flat today. And I keep looking at my pictures from like May and my hair looks so much different than it did and I don't know why. I know I cut some at the beginning of the summer but the shape of my head looks weird today. But even pictures from like 2 weeks ago it looks fine so I know it's all in my head. Well I mean my hair is on my head but you know what I mean.

I've been hanging out in bed since then. Which is when I had a horrible Charlie horse in my calf that hurts so bad and felt like it lasted for so long. And I was very distressed and I texted James and James started talking about laying in a hammock and how it was probably worse than a hammock and I'm like what are you talking about I'm nowhere near a hammock. For some reason they thought I was at camp? They have the car! So then I was all confused because they were talking about hammocks and then talking about the days of the week and I was like what are you talking about and I was worried because they worked 8 hours and then drove for 4 hours to get to New York so I was like are they just over tired what is going on. But they are safely in New York with family and everything is fine. They're going to a basketball game tomorrow with their friends and it's going to be fine. But that was very upsetting at the beginning of this post while I was texting them. Everything is settled now We are talking about other stuff They know I am home I know where they are. I'm going to try to stretch my leg and searching out ready for sleep.

I have a long day of working on the computer tomorrow so hopefully it is nice and if it rains it's not too bad. I hope that you all have a very nice night tonight. And you sleep good. Until next time my friends. Goodnight everybody.

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xin-chao-asia · 1 year

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Monday, March 20

Have to admit that I'm not feeling so great. A cold is making it's way through the group and I've run out of energy. Nice to know there's always beautiful fruit and yogurt in the morning.

Visited a monastery that was the home of the monk who drove to Saigon in 1963, sat down in a lotus position on a busy Street, and then lit himself on fire to protest against the south's policies of discriminating against and killing Buddhists. The Catholic President Diem's sister-in-law called it "barbeque" and said they'd offer more fuel and matches for the monks. Ultimately, both the president and his brother were assassinated. The monk's act had a profound impact.

Slow busy ride down the river. The weather has been so pleasant for our whole trip. 70's and 80's with warm breezes. Just starting to get hot as we head south, but not bad at all. (Can't imagine building steps by hand though in this heat!)

Making our way to Hoi An today. Nice lunch by the water.

Got to put our feet in the warm water at China Beach. It's where American soldiers went for R&R during the war. Can't imagine what it must have felt like to spend time on this peaceful beach after the horrors of war.

We're halfway through the Vietnam portion of our trip. It's always so interesting for me to watch group dynamics. I know now who I'd be hanging out with if I was solo (Nancy, Allison and Jeff). I think everyone feels comfortable with the way the group is flowing except maybe Sherry. It's hard when it gets more real; we've moved out of the over-archingly polite stage. Aaron and I have recalibrated a little to be sure we're not sacrificing ourselves or each other by taking care of other group members.

Finished the day off yesterday with a 60 minute aromatherapy massage ($17) before dinner. (8 Kleenex affair. It was all I could do not to cough! Breathe and focus. 🤪) Aaron spent that hour at the bottom of the hotel pool. Flip turning back and forth across the 20' span. He said he was as happy as I was.

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unfilteredflare · 11 months

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Major Persona 3 rant below:

I'm such a HUGE persona fan. And the thing is, Persona 5 has the best game mechanics, UI, and polish cuz it's the newest 1. But Persona 3 has always had the best story and characters BY FAR. The only thing working against it was the mechanics were outdated and unnecessarily difficult at times so plenty of people never gave it a try. So a persona 3 with an updated UI? I would kill for that. My wish has come true and I'm literally vibrating with excitement cuz of my adhd

Persona 3 Reload has the chance to become the best persona game ever made. And I'm fucking LOSING IT

I HIGHLY recommend Persona 3 Reload when it comes out next year. I know I have high expectations and could end up severely disappointed. But I feel like it's gonna be hard to mess it up? Like, yeah they have to update a lot of the stuff so I'm not too picky about certain mechanics. Just so long as the characters and story are faithful to the original, then I will be happy. Bare minimum: keep the story and characters the same and it will be an excellent game. Best possible option: they combine the better writing and FEMC from the psp rerelease with the epilogue they added into the FES rerelease to great the best version of the game

Persona 3 had 2 rereleases with addition content. First they had the version called FES which added in content called The Answer, which was a 60+ hour playable epilogue. Then they did a different version called Portable with the additional content being called FEMC, which involved a lot of rewriting of scenes in the base game. People have been debating which of those 2 versions is superior. FEMC or The Answer. I was always firmly in the opinion of the The Answer being better. Until recently when someone I follow on Tumblr made a very compelling argument for why FEMC is better. So I've been a little conflicted over which is my favorite. So the remake could just be the original base game, or they could add either or both of the extra content. Whichever way it goes will still be good. But I'm praying for them to add both The Answer and FEMC to make the ultimate best version of the game.

OH OOOOOOOHHHH

OOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOD

I JUST REALIZED

THEY COULD FUCKING

THEY HAVE THE OPTION

I don't know how to describe it. But they could finally FINALLY finish Elizabeth's storyline!!!!!!!!! I've spent the last 15 YEARS WAITING FOR ELIZABETH!!!!!

SO LIKE. OK. All the persona games r linked together. They r all canon but the characters from different games never interact or learn about the events of previous games so each one is very standalone. But there r call backs and references to previous games. The Velvet Room and it's master Igor r in every game. He never talks about the previous games but he is always there and very important. He also always has an assistant helping him. His assistant changes in every game. Elizabeth in P3, Theo in P3FES, Margaret in P4, Marie in P4Golden, twins Caroline and Justine in P5. P1 and P2 had unnamed and unimportant assistants. The assistants also reference each other cuz they r all family. So starting in P4, u meet Margaret and she mentions in passing about how she is taking over for her sister who went missing. Elizabeth went missing???? What is this new plotline???? Then Atlus made several spin-off games that were slight sequels to the base games. Like, Persona 4 Arena was a fighting-style spin-off that shows us what the characters r up to after the events of P4. Well, Elizabeth from P3 showed up as a playable character in Arena. And we learned about why she went missing. She has left on a quest of her own. To fix something that happened in P3. And her storyline in that game ends with this implication that what she is trying to achieve MIGHT be possible. That there is an end destination for this quest of hers. So when Persona 5 was first announced, lots of fans were excited and speculating on what the new developments would be in Elizabeth's story. Will she achieve her dream? Will she discover something that makes her goal completely impossible and tragic? We don't know.

No new games have mentioned Elizabeth's plotline AT ALL. Not fucking P5 or P5Royal or Dancing Star/Moon, or PQ or PQ2 or P5Stikers. NOTHING. FUCKING NO UPDATES AT ALL. Let me tell u, the fandom, and me in particular, is really pissed off about it. I NEED to know if she succeeds. So yeah. It just occurred to me that they could use the remake as a way to add an epilogue that finally FINALLY FINALLY addresses Elizabeth's quest. I'm all hyped up again. I calmed down for a bit but now I'm excited ALL OVER AGAIN. I will be SOOOOOO disappointed if they don't fucking mention it AT ALL

Ok. Fuck. Now that I really think about it. Her whole quest is about her trying to change something that happened at the end of the game. So I don't want to spoil it and am trying to be as vague as possible. There is a new direction they could take this game. And that is Time travel. Like, Elizabeth going back to the beginning and this whole remake could be the new timeline she is establishing so she could change the 1 thing. So most stuff would be the same but a major story plot point would be different. And it's not that wild of a theory either cuz Persona 2 established Time travel as a Thing. The whole plot of P2 revolved around time travel so it's completely possible. And now I'm really conflicted. Cuz I would love this to be an update on Elizabeth. But I would also like this to be a faithful retelling of the same story. Idk which way it's gonna go now

Tl:dr

Persona 3 Reload could go in so many directions. It could contain, in any combination, the base game, The Answer from FES, FEMC from Portable, and Elizabeth's post canon storyline. And I don't know which version I would be most excited for

Also I guess they announced a new Persona 5 game. But like, who cares

#long post #sorry for the rant #its all i can think about for the last several hours since it was announced #stream of thought rant too #cuz i realized things as i was writing it all out #im just #so full of thoughts rn #and i dont know how to handle it #cuz nobody i know is as big a persona fan as i am #i have 3 friends that have played some of the games #but they have never finished even 1 game so they dont know anything really #i have so much deep lore in my brain and nobody cares

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gonewiddershins · 2 years

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1, 9 10 13 15 16 18 23 52 53 55 60 63 71 80 86 107 121 127 134 135 for ur ask meme

wheeeee~

okay so there's are enough of these questions that I'm gonna answer this in parts because otherwise (a) I'll never finish and (b) tumblr WILL end up earing my drafts and I wince just thinking about that. So here we go-

1. a book that is close to your heart

The Beginning by K.A. Applegate. Anyone who's spent some time on my tumblr knows about my obsession with this series. It drilled into my ear and took over all higher life form function way back when I was an impressionable pre-teen. And then after sometime, when I thought I'd found other things to obsess about, I found copies of the final arc and it decided to permanently take up residence in my brain.

The Beginning is the final installment of the Animorphs series, which famously feature kids turning into animals to fight brain stealing alien puppeteers. It's not a climax- it's a extended denouement, because the books have always been about how children people are affected by war as much as as it was about the actual war. Animorphs also ended on a very bittersweet note, something unthinkable to baby me who had never seen a story end this way before. It was a learning experience.

Quote:

"Jake, you can't . . ." She took a deep breath. "You can't equate the victim and the perpetrator."

"So as long as you're playing defense it's not possible to commit a war crime?" I asked. "That's pretty close to just saying that the winner makes the rules because it's the winner who writes the history."

She grabbed my arm and searched for my eyes, forcing me to look at her. "No, Jake, it isn't. There are a lot of close calls in history, lots of wars where the blame is evenly split between the sides. This isn't one of them. Before they came to Earth no human ever attacked a Yeerk. No human ever harmed a Yeerk. This one is clear: We are the victims. They made war on us."

"That's good," I said softly. "All of that is good. We have justification. We're the good guys."

Marco said, "That's right, Big Jake, we are."

I nodded. "That's good for the big picture. See, my problem is a little more personal."

Ax asked.

"Well, Ax-man, you're right, you did call my attention to the possibilities on the Pool ship. And when you did that I guess I should have thought, Well, Jake, it's a harsh, terrible thing to do, but you're justified because, after all, you're the victim here. But that's not what I thought. You know what I thought?"

Cassie released her grip on me. But Marco just took a step up close, right in my face.

"I know what you thought, Jake. You thought Die, you filthy worms. Feel the fear, Yeerks. Feel the pain. Feel the helplessness. You wanted them to suffer and the idea of them suffering and dying made you happy. You were thrilled. You were high."

Cassie winced. She looked away.

I said, "Yeah, Marco. That was about it: word for word."

9. your favourite book of 2020 2022

2022 has been a weird year, reading-wise. My goodreads list is as bare as a chocolate box after two hours in my company, because the site is not good at tracking webtoons and webnovels. Which in turn makes it harder for me to remember what I liked and how much I liked it, because that's 90% of why I use goodreads in the first place. So you know, answering this makes me twitchy, because if I'm not keeping track how would I even know what my favorite is?

BUT. I can tell you which story IMMEDIATELY made me consume other adaptations, scour through all of its Ao3 pages, and go on a re-read almost instantly after the fanfics ran out and it's Spy x Family by Tatsuya Endo. Also, it has an active tumblr fanbase- glory be.

Spy x Family is about a spy, an assassin, and a telepath playing house. It's about found family. It's about two people you really wouldn't peg as parent material at first look being the most adorable parents ever. It's about people calmly accepting (and in most cases not even recognizing) each other's weirdness. It's about the humanity in war-torn places and war-torn people. Also there are a bunch of first graders who are having their own drama and it is somehow vastly entertaining.

Panel: (read right to left)

10. a book that got you through something

deep sigh. Okay, so I have a few mixed feelings about these books today that I didn't have when I first read them, but hear me out here.

Once upon a time, I entered into college as a bright-eyed, hopeful child who was sure she'd have the world within her grasp soon. Fast forward eight months and I was a depressed wreck who spent an hour a day crying and moving slowly but steadily towards suicidal thoughts. Suffice to say, it was not a good time.

In those trying times, books 1 and 2 of the Dresden Files gave me some much-needed laughs. Book 3, Grave Peril, went a step further, making me actually care about the worldbuilding and the character, giving characters actual losses, and getting me emotionally invested in everyone. The rest of the series accompanied me though my hellish time in college, and while it was probably not the best coping mechanism, I'm thankful it was there. Anything to quiet down the screaming in my head a little.

Quote:

“I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire.”

Part 1 of 7 |

#ask meme #jill see the thing #dresden files #spy x family #animorphs #book rec ask meme

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mejomonster · 2 years

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Yup.Kenzan came out in 2008,and a good chunk of the plot revolves around the relationship between Majima and Kiryu.The main plot of the game actually has a full translated series of videos by KHHSubs on YouTube.Although,there's a few errors in it,you'll still be able to totally understand the story.I won't say too much,but even Kiryu's other relationships in that game (like with Haruka,Date,and his love interests) are pretty fascinating.And maybe they're something more like potential past lives.It can be pretty nice to work off that view of it.

The pair you have to watch for is half Mine.I can't say a whole lot due to spoilers,but you'll have to keep a close eye on what he says,what's pushing him,and his behavior.I'd be happy to explain more whenever you're done with 3.

There's definitely some super worthwhile stuff at the end of the construction bit in K2.I'm trying to play through it myself right now so that I can experience the party interaction,and a semi-private Kiryu and Majima conversation.I've seen vids on both.The first one including all the correct responses which will be very useful.

Your interpretation of Majima after having played 0 first is honestly a lot better than most people's.Its true that in the original 1 and 2 he was much more of a focused crazy (especially in 1).While in 2,we started to see more of his serious side not unlike K2.3 presents some very analysis worthy Majima,too.

And Dead Souls definitely looks like something I'd want to try to play,too.Its got some err very interesting substories- like one between Daigo and Majima- and an overall story that I want to look at for myself.

Thank you for all of this! <3

Mmmm if you end up getting Dead Souls before me, please ee tell me what you think of the gameplay. Yeah I um 1. Intensely miss playing majima, yakuza 0 spoils people with 2 full main playable characters , so playing like 4 people is tempting. Also I really would like to see majima and ryujis whole sections, now that I know who more of these characters are now. Also I love genre Mashups so concept itself is tempting for the stories and whatever wild things it can allow for.

I'll look up the KHHSubs kenzan videos cool! I knew they did ishin videos.

Oh man there's correct answers to the construction side game talks later! Thank you for that heads up! Mm I may wanna check out more of that side game area then before I finish the game... I keep playing these games for like 30-60 hours then once the game hints I'm near the end I tend to just really get excited to see the end and start the next, so I'm missing like 60-70% of the game as far as that % complete says ToT which I'm hoping is at least like 50% high score stuff maybe and not story. But I definitely know when I go back to replay them next time, I'll have new substories and portions I just didn't get to yet. Which in a way is fun knowing there's more enjoyable stories to see even when I'm done.

(Mildly related but if you happen to like games where a LOT of the actual game stuff pays off with story, I highly recommend Nier Automata. One thing the yakuza series really does well is all the player time is mostly spent paying off with stories/side stories or mini games You choose to do - no required level grinding or material harvesting for things with no story payoff, no required hours of play to accomplish an objective that has no payoff. I can waste hours at the karaoke or bowling but one usually get a fun music video or story, and two it happens early so if I choose to keep doing it then it's optional for my own fun. I've played games where I spent over half the gameplay time level grinding or harvesting stuff, often with no story movement and not cause I enjoyed the task a bunch - compared to a fun optional mini game lol. So like I really appreciate that quality in yakuza, I don't feel my time is wasted, I'm always doing story relevant stuff I find fun or optional stuff cause I enjoy it. Nier Automata is like that- every side quest has an interesting side story related to the themes of the game or making the main story richer, mini games are optional if you find them fun - though not as many or as silly as yakuza lol, and if you do choose to grind for some weapon upgrade the weapons have stories which is their own little thing. Weapon upgrades are optional, and level grinding isn't required to beat the game by any means, so it's stuff you only have to do if you enjoy it. Nier Automata has an absolutely amazing story, but it also is really fun for you know not wasting player time and having a lot of care for its story and side stories.)

Whenever I play 3 and start/finish liveblogging yeah I'd love to discuss that game more!

#replies #ask #anonymous #yakuza #kenzan #mmm i might buy kenzan too and check out the vids if i get lost.... mmm #thank you for this info!#also mildly related? way diffwrent structurally but atlas ps2 game Devil Summoner Raidou also vaguely reminds me of yakuza games #in a goodcway. you play a devil summoner who solves supernatural cases. befriends demons and humans and helps both.#and theres a main intense story (but also wild) and then lots of slice of life side stories. and yakuzas story setup is similar

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largesunglasses · 2 years

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Had to drive my mom to work this morning at 7:40. She has to be at work for 8 and her work is less than a mile away. I guess that's where my love of being early comes from. Actually my dad's clock in his car is behind the actual time because he's always so early. Anyways I figured I'd make a quick Trader Joe's run because the best time to go is before 9. The busses are still out for the elementary kids and the store is pretty empty. I grabbed some stuff for the week and walked out with two bags and spent over $100 😬. They are double bagged bags so they were hefty. Then I ordered myself Starbucks because the Starbucks up at the stadium is the only one around that let's you order using the app and I feel like a weirdo when I order in person. Went home and unloaded my groceries then headed to my sister's. I let the girls out and finished my coffee outside while they laid in the sun. Then we went inside and I drank my pre-workout. Waited a little bit and then I went downstairs to start a 60 minute class with my favorite Matty. I beat my best hour output so I was happy with that plus I really like taking his classes and it makes me happy. Sat outside again with the girls then put them in their crates and left. Now I'm going to cut a bunch of peppers, onions, and mushrooms so we can make veggie wraps since I forgot pitas that we normally use.

#p20 #this was a stupid post sorry

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renewherself · 4 months

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A Silly Sign from the Universe

I've been having a bad year. I quit my job in 2022. It was a dead-end job with long work hours, shit pay, and nonstop stressful assignments with constantly changing goalposts. But it was still more or less a stable source of income. I spent all of 2023 trying to find a new job and failing. I've seen so many headlines about writers being laid off. The percentage of job listings for writer positions that are for writing AI content keeps going up. I only have enough money in my bank account to pay for half a year more of living expenses. I wasn't able to renew my health insurance for 2024. Productivity is difficult when I have to fight everyday against the debilitating effects of untreated depression. I'm constantly on edge, not knowing when my flatmate will get sick of me invading her apartment and kick me out. I feel like I lost a month working on a friend's academic project that can't even make the claim that it'll pay me in exposure. My flatmate tested positive for COVID last week and I've been holed up in this room to avoid being infected by her if I'm not already and to avoid infecting others if I already have been. Neighborhood friends dropped by today to drop off food from a New Year's Eve brunch and to wave at me from a safe distance while I collected the bag and I nearly burst into tears because it was a precaution I would have taken myself if they hadn't, but the experience of seeing them so put-together and happy from afar was too much for me and made me feel even more isolated and alone.

Earlier today, I thought to myself sourly that when midnight rolled around, I would likely be stuck doing exactly what I had been doing this entire last week, this last year: scrolling through job ads and wrestling with code someone else had broken and expected me to fix for no compensation. And that would be how my new year started, colouring the rest of the year to come.

I finished coding early. I finished scrolling through job ads early. I booted up critically-acclaimed MMO Final Fantasy XIV to do my chores a.k.a. try to level Monk up to 70. I had had a large mimosa, the ingredients for which had been in the care package from earlier in the day. I was very tipsy and worn-out and couldn't bring myself to even care about trying to do my rotation correctly. I go through the daily roulettes. Lost City of Ampador (Hard) for the level 50/60/etc roulette. Nice. Shisui of the Violet Tides for the Leveling roulette. Nice. Labyrinth of the Ancients for the Alliance Raid roulette. Well, at least it's not Syrcus Tower. Trial roulette. The queue pops instantly and it's an ongoing duty. I blink. Enter and it's The Chrysalis. Three DPS and a healer. No tanks. Ah.

I stay. It turns out on the last attempt someone disconnected right before the part where you're supposed to use a Limit Break to burst down an add before the party wipes to meteors, leaving the party without a Limit Break. A healer joins. Then a tank. I wonder aloud whether the queue would send me back to this instance were I to leave and requeue as a tank. The Samurai in the party says they'll give it a try. They leave. A different DPS and a tank immediately join. RIP Samurai. Your sacrifice was unnecessary but appreciated.

The trial proceeds uneventfully until the boss is down to about 15% health. One of the other DPS members starts casting the Limit Break, presumably not realising we were going to need it shortly for that one add. The Red Mage and one of the tanks scream in horror. Then, miraculously, the would-be Limit Breaker and herald of our wipe actually reads chat and cancels the cast in time. A collective sigh of relief is heard. We get sucked into the vortex, the add spawns, I get to use the Limit Break on it and punch it into oblivion.

The duty concludes. A round of GGs is had, I wish everyone Happy New Year, and then I exit the duty and realise it is indeed the new year, the clock having ticked over roughly some time while we were panicking about a possible wipe. Someone has said the word "fullerene" in the group chat and summoned me from the void. I unleash my unholy wrath upon them and they bid me return to the vessel from whence I came, whether it be a lamp or a bottle. I respond, in part as a morbid joke I expected only myself to be in on, that I would return to the uterus. They say no, you can't do that, and I am flummoxed by the uncharacteristic abruptness. I wonder if my clandestine moment of dark humour had been caught.

A few minutes later, I remember the name of the trial I had been in and revive the earlier conversation to joke that that way the vessel I had been in and to which I would now return. I pause as a memory stirs. A post had come out of my Tumblr queue two days ago. Something about a chrysalis. It talked about how it is a long painful process, the process of healing. How the caterpillar tucks itself into a cocoon when it finally feels safe enough to do so and must first dissolve into a disgusting slurry in order to metamorphose into what it was meant to be.

I start crying.

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safereturndoubtful · 10 months

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The joy of a storm

Saturday 15th July

Not everyone relishes a nine hour Atlantic storm and 60 mile per hour winds and torrential rain, but I do.

To take pleasure in the van rocking around and the rain drumming on the roof will seem strange to many. Skill is required to position the van so as the side door can be open at the time in order to appreciate the turbulence and inclemency to the maximum.

Once, when in Iceland I sought the far west of the country and a place that reputedly had the wildest storms in the world. I recall being disappointed when all we got was a few showers of rain.

During the storm my senses are heightened, I find my brain works better. It’s a good time to save a really good book for. And even to do a bit of work, which I did in the early afternoon. It was T20 finals day also, so from time to time I watched some of that.

It was a complete contrast to the evening before when I spoke to my brother over the phone showing off the late sun and clear sky over the ocean behind me.

I’m on the far north coast of Yell, the middle of the three main Shetland islands, just tucked in behind the Gloup peninsula above Breckon Sands, one of Shetland’s wild beaches, but it’s a mile away, and I haven’t been able to get down there yet. The storm began just after 8 am, and lasted until 5 pm, with quite a noticeable start and finish. I cursed at 8, as I had failed to get out with the dog beforehand, though he was quite happy to wait until the evening. The pics above show the fine evening yesterday, and the contrast to after the storm today.

I drove up here yesterday afternoon from West Sandwick. The guy originally from Carlisle who lived close by chatted again that morning, and recommended me a route to the north of the beach. It heads out on an inland track on the hill to the Loch of Birriesgirt. Though it was quite a bleak walk out there, on a fine morning, the Loch itself was one of those special places, that one discovers from time to time, and puts me in mind if that David Byrne lyric, this must be the place. It is sheltered, has sandy beaches, and yet the ocean and cliffs are just thirty metres away over a grassy rise. It would be perfect for a wild tent camp. It’s in the photo above, and the two below. Roja has an amazing knack of finding balls in places which you think would be the last place a lost ball would be.

I then took the coastal path back south, which was much tougher and slower, mainly because of the fence crossings. In all we were out for four hours, though included in that is sometime to appreciate the surroundings. It was a really good route.

On the way north, just a thirty minute drive, I called in at the Cullivoe shop. This is the best stocked of the various local shops I have called into, and indeed they all do have a considerable range of produce. It was quite a warm afternoon now, at 20C, and I spent some time chatting with the woman serving.

It’s orca season, and quite a few of the visitors to the islands are here to try and spot them. There are more sightings than ever, perhaps due to the climate they are further south than they would usually be, and perhaps also due to relative ease of taking pictures of, and filming them. Here’s a couple of examples from the last couple of days..

Back to Saturday night, the T20 final with a couple of beers, and probably a movie later.

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firerose009 · 2 years

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Hey, I'm going to start this post off by saying that I know that it's unlikely that anyone's going to even see this, but I really just need a place to vent right now. I can't really talk to anyone face to face about it or anyone I know because it's just something stupid.

Tomorrow morning, my parents are having some people over to cut down the trees in our yard. Thing is, one of the trees are right next to my childhood swing set. Essentially, my parents could pay more to take the trees down but keep the swing set up but they don't want to do that, so they won't. Dammit, I feel so stupid right now for crying for the first time in over six months because of something so insignificant.

I remember countless times I've spent hours at a time on the swing set until I felt sick. I've experienced both my worst and best moments on it; it's always just been this sort of safe space for me.

When I was about 3 is when I realized that I loved singing. But even at that young an age, I was scared to sing where anyone could possibly hear me so I started singing everytime I went out to swing; something that carried over years later as I'm 17.

This one time, I was around 12 when my parents were going on a date night. My sister was at a sleepover so I was really excited to have the house to myself. They said they'd be back at around 7 but at 10:30, they still weren't back yet and haven't called. I was so scared because I thought they got into a car crash or something because we've been seeing a lot of news stories on drunk drivers recently. In order to calm down and prevent myself from having a whole ass panic attack, I went out to the swing set and just sang quietly to myself. It wasn't until midnight that they came back, saying that the play lasted longer than they thought it would and there was traffic. I got in so much trouble for not only still being awake at midnight but still being outside on the swing set at midnight.

There's been countless times where I would get into a fight with my parents then at the earliest opportunity I would just go out and (depending on if I was more sad or angry) swing to either cry or sing. My mom had forced me into band, which I didn't even like in the first place, so at least 60% of those times, it was related to the building pressure from my mom on this activity that I wanted no part in. While practicing, I was getting frustrated with a note combination and put down my clarinet to compose myself again. Long story short, my mom didn't like that and slapped me so hard I got a massive nose bleed (still holds the record for my largest nose bleed). After cleaning up and finishing practice, I went out to the swing set to sing out my frustrations. Not so fun fact: my sister sides against me no matter what. Even if someone else is in the wrong, it's still my fault in her eyes. This is why I never confide in her when I'm upset. She said something along the lines of "you're just being dramatic, mom wasn't trying to hit your face, she was trying to slap your wrist." That doesn't change the fact that she still slapped me across the face, and in my personal opinion, she shouldn't have been hitting me in the first place. Probably a biased opinion, but it still stands.

It was on that swing set that I got over (partially) my stage fright. I would usually sing in front of my neighbors since I don't got the time to wait for them to go back inside. It made me so unnaturally happy whenever someone said something about it. I stopped to pet a dog on my way home from school and one of the people walking the dog said something to the effect of "oh hey, you're that kid who sings. Are you in theater or choir?" She was genuinely surprised when I said that I wasn't. I had spaced out once while swinging and one of my neighbors came out and said something like "oh, you're not singing? I like your singing." Next happened just last week. A different neighbor I hadn't even realized was outside had stopped what she was doing and asked if I was in a musical she had seen at my school recently. I told her I wasn't even in the theater club and she said that I had a really great voice. My dad also told me he was talking to one of our neighbors about how they're having the trees and swing set taken down and he said "oh, I'm going to miss [my name]'s singing." I almost always get really embarrassed whenever I get praised for something I enjoy doing but it always makes me so happy.

But tomorrow morning, all of that will be gone and there's nothing I can do about it. Like everything my parents can and do control in my life, I have no say in what I want. Thanks for letting me vent and sorry if you had to read all the way through this.

#childhood memories #safe space #I don't know what I'm gonna do

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the-spindly-lady-faith · 2 years

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My Marvel Pregnant/Adopted HC'S Pt 3

Gender Neutral Reader

Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3

[CAROL DANVERS]

Whenever she interacted with Maria's little girl, there was a motherly aura coming off of her. You two had been together for some time now, helping the other when either one couldn't understand something, back hugs while cooking, washing the others hair, cuddling. Life seemed beyond perfect with Carol.

You wondered how she would be with a your guys child, should one be brought into the picture. The few times you both had talked of children, you agreed to adopt, to make the unwanted children, wanted. It was a nice day as you spent your time outside, attending to the garden and the clothes on a clothesline, because your dryer was currently broken.

Carol silently walked up and helped you fold and place the laundry in the basket, using her powers the slightest bit to dry any thing still damp.

"So, you wanna head to the orphanage again?"

You questioned as she simply nodded, a smile crossing her face as you both finished the clothes and placed them inside and went on your way. Once at the orphanage, you did some quiet talking to one of the staff and a few minutes later, an excited 14 year old boy, his hair color much like Carol's, ran in the room, a bag trailing behind him.

"Well who are you?" Carol questioned, an 'oof' leaving her mouth when the boy pounced her with a hug. You handed her a pen and a few papers, a cocky smile on your face. She laughed, throwing her head back with glee. "Oh I'm so getting you back for this!"

[WANDA MAXIMOFF]

Westview was the best place to live, especially with Wanda. The 60's were such a lively time that you couldn't get enough of, never wanting it to end. You both had the perfect life, you were completely unaware it was a spell bring this perfect life. You had wonderful neighbours like Vision & Agatha. They were some of the more favorite neighbours to be truthful.

Kids were brought up a couple times and you agreed, two children at least and maybe four at most. Wanda offered to be the one to carry should you have children and you agreed after some obvious hesitance and worry.

There was a day when you woke up, fresh smell of cooking breakfast woke you up quicker as you slipped on a silk bathrobe and soft fluffy slippers and made your way down to the kitchen, your mind feeling fuzzy as though you'd forgotten something.

"Morning honey"

You smiled at her voice, greeting her back and wrapped your arms around her waist, not remembering her pregnant belly being this swollen. "How are the boys in there?" She smiled at the feeling of your hands caressing her stomach. "Doing good"

[PIETRO MAXIMOFF]

When you had seen him get shot while fighting Ultron, you felt a massive piece of you slip away and crumble as you ran towards him and sobbed over his body, not caring for the blood that stained you. A couple hours after returning to the compound, Bruce ran out with the most happy look you'd ever seen on his face as her dragged you back to the medical lab room. When you got there, shock drenched you like sweat, Pietro was up and alive as nothing had happened.

That was months, almost a year ago and you kept thanking Bruce and doing little things for him every chance you got, he did somehow manage to save the love of your life.

"Hey P, do you think we'd be good parents?"

Pietro looked at you with furrowed brows and smile, nodding. "Of course you would be. I don't know about me, but you would go down in history as the best parent ever" You laughed lightly, brushing your fingers through his hair with a bright smile as you sighed. "Well... you might just be a dad"

He looked confused, very confused as he mentally pieced things together before it hit him like a brick wall. "Ah my love! Yes!" His sokovian accent heavier then before.

[TCHALLA]

With Tchalla, having kids was a very important thing incase he were to meet death before his time. You didn't really want kids because you were scared of multiple things. Scared of birth, scared of not being good enough for the child, scared of dying in birth. You shook the thoughts from your head but they still sat heavy on your shoulders as you attended to your busy schedule as Tchalla was doing the same thing.

Despite how busy the two of you were, being Wakadan royalty, you still saw each other quite often.

"My love, must we have a boy? I'm still having to get used to all of this"

Tchalla sighed as the two of you walked side-by-side in one of the lush gardens, taking a seat on a very insanely expensive bench with only the finest, rare materials. "It is hoped for to have a son born first but I do not care whether we are to having a boy or a girl. With you? I'll be happy with anything" His hand gently holding your own, nothing but comfortable silence between you both.

"Well, I don't fully know quite yet but we are expecting"

You took his hand, gently placing it on your stomach. "The nurses said that child, for as small as they are, is quite strong already" When you looked to Tchalla, his face had unexplainable happiness, a soft smile spreading from ear to ear. "They will be a great warrior should they choose to be. Our child, may even be greater then I"

[SCOTT LANG]

You met Scott before he had gotten arrested and you were the only person who would to see him on an almost constant basis. His daughter Cassie, absolutely adored you and in a positive way, lost her shit when you were around. You saw the spunky little girl as your own and Scott absolutely loved seeing you interact with her.

One night, you two had Cassie for the weekend, having fun, eating junk, watching Disney movies and just having fun when you figured, just maybe, let the news out now while Cassie was around. You shut the door with your foot, setting down the pizza boxes on the kitchen counter.

You wrote a little something on the box you knew Scott would open first as you took the pizza boxes to the living room, setting them down on the table and taking your spot by Scott again. Later on, you and Cassie were singing a song together from 'Tangled' as Scott recorded the scene, stopping only to grab a slice.

From him, it was silent as you and Cassie finished the song, you turned to him, a knowing look on your face as you smiled. "So?" He set the pizza box off his lap, laid his head back and soon, you heard little laughs as he sprung up from the couch and practically absorbed you into him.

"You're gonna be a big sister Cassie!!"

#marvel #tony stark #steve rogers #bucky barnes #sam wilson #natasha romanoff #yelena belova #bruce banner #clint barton #thor #loki #headcannons #marvel headcanons #carol danvers #wanda maximoff #pietro maximoff #tchalla #scott lang

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scented-morker · 3 years

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Speak now

A beeping sound echoes in the small bakery, the scent of freshly baked cookies enveloping you like a warm hug. A bell over the door jingles as someone enters the shop and you all out a “I’m in the back, I’ll be with you shortly” as you maneuver the hot pan out of the way.

You walk to the front of the store, expecting to see one of the sweet old ladies who frequent your business, and it’s a struggle to hide your surprise when you’re met with the handsome face of a man about your age.

“Uh hello,” a smile situates itself on your face as you approach where the man is standing, admiring the pastries through your display case.

“Hello” he stands up straight, his full height making you crane your neck slightly as he smiles back at you.

“Is there anything I can help you with today?”

He explains that he's getting a party together for the HYBE corporation's end of the quarter celebration, and is looking for a caterer for desserts.

"Oh, yeah absolutely, why don't I set you up with a tasting"

You weren't completely sure what they did in that building, other than that it was fancy and they got paid a lot for it. But an event is an event, and you liked catering events.

"Actually I think I'm good, I already know what I want"

A jolt of surprise runs through your body as he says it, confused on how he could already know. You're very certain he's never been in your business before, as you would definitely remember a face like his.

"Alright then, um how big of a headcount are we looking at"

"About 100 workers and their families, just put me down for," he glances back at the pastry cases to read the tags sitting in front of the baked goods, "75 of those tarts, both in raspberry and mint, 50 of those vanilla twist pastries, and 60 of the chocolate cannoli's"

You furiously scribbled down his order as he spoke, internally freaking out at how much time it would take you to bake everything, eventually looking back up when he stopped talking.

"Okay and that is under what name, and for what date?"

"Lee Heeseung, and next Saturday"

You grimaced at the short notice, thankfully Heeseung didn't notice, writing down the last bit of information on the order slip before shooting him a wide grin.

"Alright I will get that all worked out for you, thank you for the order"

He flashed a beautiful smile and you immediately smiled back, trying your best to ignore the way your stomach did flips at the sight.

"While I'm here, can I also just get whatever that chocolate thing is in the display case"

He said it with a slightly embarrassed chuckle, followed quickly by "just don't tell my boss, he'll probably give my nutritionist a heart attack"

You laughed with him, going to get the pastry he ordered, ringing it up and passing it over the counter, quickly snapping your hands back into yourself at the brush of his fingers.

Heeseung doesn't seem to notice as he takes a seat at one of the tables, continuing small talk with you as you replace items in the display case with fresh ones.

When you finished your task he was still eating and nobody else had come into the store, so you start wiping down the tables around him, accepting his offer when he asks you to sit with him.

"So you own this place?"

"Yep! It was my grandmas before the previous owner took over, and they just happened to be retiring when I graduated so it got passed down to me"

"That's impressive, owning your own business this young"

His eyes shined genuinely when he said it and you could tell that he really was impressed.

"Thank you, I'm very proud of it"

He smiles again and somehow you just know that he's a good person. The way he actually cares about the things you talk about, not just pretending to be interested. You could tell he loved seeing other people happy with the look he gave you when you talked, and maybe it was unreasonable, but right then and there a part of you fell for Lee Heeseung.

"You seem quite impressive yourself, working for a big fancy company like HYBE at your age!" You complimented back.

"Oh it's nothing, just a," he paused for just slightly longer than necessary before saying "an internship."

"That's still so cool! What's it like?"

You propped your chin on your hand as you waited for his response, not noticing the way he stared when you did so.

"Uh it's really not as cool as you think," he brushes off the question, "hey, do you want to go for a walk with me?"

The change of topic caught you slightly off guard, but you recovered quickly, checking the time on the clock and realizing it was time to close.

"Yeah that'd be great, just let me close up"

You go through the routine, counting your cash box and storing away pastries, eventually locking the door behind you as you and Heeseung head out into the evening.

"Where do you want to go?" You ask, since he was the one that suggested a walk, and he smiled back at you as soon as the words left your mouth.

"I thought you'd never ask"

He grabs your hand, excitedly pulling you to follow him as he passed through alleys and patches of trees, before eventually stopping, letting out a "ta-da"

You turn in a slow circle, taking in the view, willow trees hanging down around the bank of a river, small flowers covering the base of the trees.

"Oh my-"

You finally turned back to the man next to you, finding his sparkling eyes already on you.

"This is beautiful Heeseung"

His smile is bright enough to light up the slowly darkening night around you as it graces his face, and he pulls you over to sit down under one of the trees.

"Hey Heeseung, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah sure, anything"

"How'd you already know what you wanted to order? I'm sure I've never seen you in my store before, I would remember you"

"Because I'm just so handsome?" He teases, laughing even harder when you reply "yeah, exactly".

"Well Y/N, can I be honest with you?"

"Yeah, of course"

"I've tasted your food before, even before you owned that place"

Your eyes widened at his confession, head cocking to the side as you tried to think of where he could have had your pastries.

"Were you at an even catered?"

He shakes his head dramatically, mumbling something unintelligible.

"What was that?" You lean closer to try and hear what he says and he looks up then, face mere inches from yours as he repeats himself.

"I said 'you give a girl her first kiss and she doesn't even remember you'"

You let out a small gasp as you realize and your face flares up in embarrassment.

Seventh grade, you had your first kiss with a boy who went to the same music classes as you, and you remember embarrassingly bringing him baked goods every class after that. His name was Heeseung, and now that you think carefully you can see the resemblance to the man sitting in front of you now.

"Oh my gosh that's so embarrassing, how'd you know it was me?"

He decides not to tell you he's remembered you since that little peck in middle school and has been begging his boss to order from your bakery so he would have an excuse to see you again.

"You haven't changed much since seventh grade" was his response instead, and you slapped his arm at the comment.

You two spent the next three hours just talking, catching up on each other's lives and reconnecting after your time away.

Before you knew it the sun had completely set and there were no light posts in the area Heeseung had brought you, you now struggled to see the boys pretty smile only a foot in front of you.

"Its getting late, and you probably have work tomorrow, we should probably start heading back."

He checked his phone at your mention, and you pretended not to notice the giant number of notifications while his eyes widened at the time.

"I didn't even realize it had gotten so late, let me take you back"

You're glad he offered, not sure you would be able to make it back to the cafe without his guidance.

The way back seemed much shorter than when you had been pulled down it earlier that day, and you found yourself disappointed that he didn't grab your hand again.

"Well here we are"

He looked around once you made it back to the familiar building, before turning to you.

"Where's your car?"

"Oh, I live pretty close so I just walk, it's easier than trying to find a parking spot in the city traffic anyway"

He nodded his head along with your statement but then shook his head slightly.

"You can't walk home alone at this time of night"

You felt touched by his concern, but fought him on it anyway.

"It's fine Hee, it's only like four blocks away"

"Nope, no way. That's way too far, come on"

He waved his hand towards you and you looked down at it curiously.

"What?"

"I'm walking you home, now come on"

He grabbed your hand again, both of you smiling at how right it felt.

You reached your house in about five minutes, and you tried to hide your disappointment at the prospect of your fun night coming to an end.

"Do you want to come in"

His eyes lit up at the offer but were quickly turned down to look at his feet.

"I'd love to, but I have work early tomorrow"

"Oh, okay"

It was quiet for a few moments before he made eye contact again, taking a step closer to your body and pulling you in his arms in a friendly hug.

"Thank you"

You hugged him back, wrapping your arms around his torso.

"I should be the one thanking you, that spot was beautiful, and I had a really great time. Thank you for taking me with you"

Little did you know that he wasn't thanking you for the few hours you had spent together. But he said "of course" anyway.

"Well goodnight"

"Goodnight"

You went to go inside, sticking your key in the lock before quickly thinking of something.

"Wait!"

Heeseung looked at you quizzically, waiting for you to say whatever it was you had just thought of.

"I need your number," he raised one eyebrow and you quickly added "so you can text me when you get home safe, I would be an awful friend if I let you get kidnapped after you so graciously walked me home"

He laughed at your reasoning, but handed you his phone anyway as you two quickly added each other's contact.

You took a look at his contact, bursting out in laughter at the sight of it.

"Did you really put your name in as 'Heedungie' with a bunch of hearts?"

He looked proud of himself for making you laugh and he nodded his head.

"Yes, yes I did"

"No fair, give me your phone back I want to give you something embarrassing too"

You didn't think he actually would, but his phone was held out to you and you took it, quickly turning around and taking an exaggeratedly cute selfie to set as the contact picture before putting in a nickname for your name, complete with the same aggressive hearts as his.

"There"

He took the phone back and laughed at the improved contact.

"Perfect"

You shared one last smile before you entered your house, Heeseung leaving your porch after seeing you securely in, making sure he walked a block away before calling his driver so you wouldn't see.

Only once he was safe in the confines of the backseat did he look at the notifications on his phone.

23 missed texts from his father and 7 calls from his mother.

He clicked on the notification, skimming his eyes over the texts, rolling his eyes at their content. He didn't even read all the way through before shutting his phone off, throwing it across the seat for the rest of the ride.

You had just stepped out of the shower when you heard your phone ding, and you paused the music to go check the text.

'Just got home, all in one piece and no kidnapping attempts were made on me'

You laughed at his text, shooting back something along the lines of 'I'm glad to hear that' before heading out of your bathroom to get dressed.

Heeseung texted you a few more times after that, and you found yourself giggling at his messages exactly like seventh grade you did. Eventually you said your good nights, after you had scolded him for staying up when he needed to get up in the morning, and you smiled one last time at the obnoxiously cute contact name before floating off to sleep.

You went to work the next day, and the one after that, and there was no real difference in your life except for the constant texting and the extra bounce in your step. Even your regulars commented on how happy you looked.

Heeseung liked to come to the cafe on his lunch break, and you started making an extra lunch in the morning after the first day when he ordered three pieces of cake as his meal.

It was Thursday, and you were currently trying to find someone to help you bake the giant order for the party.

"Come on please, it's huge, and even one person would be a huge help to me"

"Sorry I can't, I'm babysitting for my neighbors the whole week"

You let out a sigh at yet another no, and put your phone back down on the counter.

You were so absorbed in the call that you hadn't heard Heeseung come in, and you almost screamed when you looked up to see him standing in front of you.

"Woah sorry," he was laughing so he obviously wasn't that sorry, "I didn't want to interrupt your call"

"It's okay"

"What do you need help with?"

It took you a moment to realize he meant the phone call and you let out another sigh at your empty search.

"I'm trying to get someone to help me with the order for the party, it's the biggest order I've gotten and it's just me so I can't make it all in one day by myself"

"Oh," he paused "what are you going to do"

"I don't know" you shrugged, "I'll have to start making things tomorrow, everything that would be able to stay overnight so that I don't have to do it all on Saturday, but even with that I don't know if I'll be able to get everything tomorrow done. Maybe I'll put a hiring sign up and hope someone applies by tomorrow"

He tried to stifle his giggles at how dumb of an idea that would be, but you still noticed.

"Heeeeee," you whined, holding the sound out for longer than needed, "stop laughingggg I know it's dumb. I'm trying to avoid a breakdown okay?"

He finally stopped laughing, and his eyes lit up like he just thought of an amazing idea.

"I can help you!!"

You look at him like he's crazy and he shrugs nonchalantly, "What? It's a good idea."

"No Hee, I would never ask you to do that. Besides it's literally for your order, I'm not making you cook for it, especially not on a work day"

"Nope, it's too late. I've made up my mind. I'm helping you"

"No Heeseung, you're not"

"Yes I am. Okay now I'm gonna run away before you can yell at me more. I'll be here tomorrow at- wait, what time do you even open?"

"Nine AM"

"-Then I will be here at nine AM"

"No Heeseung!"

He takes off running and you try to chase him down, both of your laughter ricocheting off the walls. A few people outside stop and watch as you run like children, most of them smiling at the sight.

"Heeseung"

"Nope, not happening"

He runs around you in a circle, quickly running up to the side of your body giving you a peck on the cheek and then taking off back towards the direction of his work.

"See you at nine AM" is the last thing you hear from him, a quiet message because of how far away he was, even though you know he was shouting when he said it.

You shake your head as you watch him turn the corner, turning around to come face to face with one of your regulars.

"So that's why you've been so happy lately?"

You try to think of something to say, some denial of how smitten you were, but all that came out was a giggle, one that solidified your current appearance of a lovesick school girl. You immediately slapped your hand over your mouth, embarrassed at your reaction, but the woman just laughed before heading into the building, you following shortly after to serve her.

And the next day, right at nine AM, the bell above your door rang, and in came the boy that had been the cause of your racing heart all week.

"Here I am"

"You're the worst"

"You say that, but you're smiling"

"Shut up"

He giggled as he followed you to the back of the building, teasing you more about how you were accepting his help anyway.

"I was hoping you wouldn't show up, but I guess since you're here I might as well get the help"

It wasn't true, you were up all night trying to decipher if he was actually going to show up. You even got out your cute apron and put some extra effort into your appearance this morning.

"I would recommend putting this on"

You toss him an apron to protect his clothes, going behind him and tying a nice little bow. He ignored the way his body tingled where your hands brushed it, and your breath hitched when he turned you around to do the same thing.

"This is my job Hee, I could tie it myself"

"I know," was all he said, letting his hands linger on your waist as he turned you back around to face him.

He tucked a few strands of hair behind your ear, his face a little bit too close to yours.

"Whatcha doing?" Your voice came out as a whisper and the way he smiled made your heart beat even faster then it already was, something you didn't think was possible.

"What do you want me to be doing?"

You gave a small laugh, throwing your arms behind his neck and angling your head up to get closer to the tall man above you.

"Does this answer your question?" You asked, referring to your previous actions.

"I think it's a pretty good indication" he spoke through a smile, leaning down to brush his lips against yours softly.

It was barely a kiss, absolutely no pressure from either end, but the butterflies in your stomach absolutely erupted at the contact, and you couldn't even try for an actual kiss because of the huge smiles on your faces.

"Did you feel it?" He whispered, and even without an explanation you knew what he meant.

A giggle left your lips, "yeah I felt it".

A jingle sounded as someone walked in the store and you pulled away from him to go serve the customer.

He was standing against the counter when you walked in, still just basking in the feeling of what had just happened.

"Alright lover boy, time to get to work"

He smiled at the nickname, coming up to you and spinning you around once, before speaking.

"Yes chef"

You laughed at his antics and gave him directions on how to help you start the tart shell.

By noon you were well ahead of schedule, the playlist you had chosen now blaring as you screamed the lyrics together, flour dusted over your faces as you took a break from kneading the dough for the twists.

"Thank you for this"

"Helping you bake?"

"No, everything else too"

He smiled and pulled you back in, this time for a real kiss.

That night you both went home early so that you could get up early for last minute party prep, after a goodnight kiss (or two, or three, or four...) at the your front door.

"Okay I'll see you tomorrow"

"Can't wait"

He hesitated to pull away from you, not quite wanting to leave, but you pushed him lightly.

"One more?"

He puckered up and you laughed giving him one last kiss before running into your house, hearing his whines through the door.

"Okay baby, I'll see you tomorrow"

You almost screamed when the nickname left his lips and you could hear the laugh he let out when he heard your squeal from the other side of your door.

"You can go to the back room, there will be another girl in there and a changing station set up, guests are starting to arrive now"

You listened to the other worker speaking, trying not to show how tired you were after finishing all of the baking that morning.

Following her instructions, you headed to the back room to change out of your sweats and into something more presentable for the party. By the time you had exited the back, you could hear the chatter of people and could tell the party was starting.

They started by giving a small speech about how well they had done that quarter, thanking all of the employees for their work and their families for supporting.

Within 30 minutes you were carrying out trays of your pastries, everyone mostly finished with dinner and some random business video was playing in the front of the room.

You walked out to stand along the wall with the other miscellaneous staff people working the event, and watched as they moved on to giving out awards for things like "best costumer service" and "highest sell rate". The entire time you were looking around for Heeseung, trying to spot him over by some lanky guys who looked like interns, but no luck.

"Alright now that all of the awards have been passed out, an important announcement from CEO Lee"

You looked around trying to spot the man in question, eyes eventually landing on an old man, grey hair and a pinstriped suit, as he used a cane to lift himself out of the chair and up to the stage.

You spotted Heeseung then, sitting at the same table the old man had just left, along with an older looking woman you assumed to be CEO Lee's wife, and another male that looked to be a little older than Heeseung.

You thought about trying to get his attention, but the CEO soon started speaking, and your eyes were pulled away from him.

"As I think we all know, I'm not as young as I was when we started this business," there were a few laughs from around the room, and the man waited for them to be done before moving on. "I don’t want you to worry, I’m perfectly healthy, but I, along with my family, have decided that it would be best for me to step down from the company."

Murmurs erupted throughout the room, and it was enough to tell you that the employees had no prior knowledge of this decision. You look over to Heeseung to gage his reaction, but instead of surprise or confusion, his face is laced with something that looks more like... disappointment? You decide it must be the lighting that's obscuring his actual expression, since that wouldn't make much sense.

"I will be retiring within six months, and my son, I know you've all seen him around the company," the female population seems especially excited about these words, a few turning to make faces at each other, you even hear one say 'hot boss' to her friend.

"Heeseung, please come up here"

You can hardly conceal your shock as you see your Heeseung stand up from his seat and go to the front of the room.

You furrow your eyebrows as he stands next to who you now realize must be his father.

"Heeseung will be taking over the company after my leave"

Your eyebrows shoot up as the words register in your mind.

Heeseung is going to be CEO of this giant company within 6 months.

Maybe you should have been mad that he lied to you, that he hid this part of himself from you. He definitely didn't tell you the position of his father, or the fact that he was going to be coming into said position, but you found yourself realizing that you didn’t really care.

'That's one hell of an internship' was the first thing you thought, and you laughed at yourself for it.

When you zoned back in to what was going on, Heeseung was ending what you figured was a short speech about him taking over, and you clapped along with the rest of the crowd.

His eyes met yours and you swore there was relief on it when he saw you let out a "whoo" along with a few others.

Heeseung steps down from the podium, taking a few hands that were held out to him, giving handshakes and responding to comments from men in high up positions.

You were called to the kitchen to pack up the few pastries that weren't needed, and the loud conversing of voices faded with the closing of the door.

You smiled giddily at yourself while transferring tarts to boxes.

'I can't believe I'm dating the new CEO'

Wait-

We're you dating the new CEO? Technically you'd never gone on a date or at least one that you called a date. And he had never asked you to be his significant other. But you kissed? Multiple times.

"What is going on in that pretty brain of yours?"

You almost dropped the tart in your hand you were so surprised by the voice. A quick look reveals the person that had you so zoned out in the first place.

"You were thinking so hard it looked like smoke was about to come out of your ears"

You can't help but laugh at his words, finally continuing your actions of packing up the food and thinking up a lie.

"Just thinking about how my little intern became CEO in a week," worry crossed his face, but it disappeared immediately when you continued, "you must have been an AMAZING intern"

He laughs and moves next to you to help.

"So I might have lied a little bit"

"A little bit?"

You raise your eyebrows at him and he corrects himself with a laugh.

"Okay it was kinda big, but I just didn't want you to treat me different or anything"

He gives you his big doe eyes as you place the last pastry in the box, sealing it up to be taken to your car.

"Hee, you know I'm not mad right?"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

He smiles, and you realize too late why he's coming closer to you, your feet leaving the floor as he spins you around.

"Hee, Hee, stop" you laugh out, and he finally puts you back on the ground.

"Okay, so you don't hate me"

You cup his face, leaning in until your noses are almost touching.

"Correct, I don't hate you"

"Then in that case," he backs up and you pout at the increased distance.

He takes your hands in his, looking at you in a way that has your knees about ready to collapse.

"Would you want to be, my official official, girlfriend?"

You giggle at how he seemed to have the perfect timing, pulling on his hands to finally plant a soft kiss on his lips.

"I would love to"

Part II

#enhypen scenarios #enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen heeseung #enhypen heeseung scenarios #heeseung x reader #swift.series

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maespresso · 2 years

Text

Title:Ignoring them

Parings:enha members x fem!reader

Genre:fluff n crack:)

Date:Pepero day~!

Heeseung|희승

-"y/n?" no reply.

-"y/nn?" this mf starts whining-

-"YA YA YA Y/N"

-nah he'll follow you around

-he knew you we're joking so he just let you be for a while-

-"okay y/n i'm going to hang out wi-"

-"lee heeseung you are not going anywhere, we're finishing the drama rn, planed or not, you're cancelling it*turns around and pouts*"

-"oh now you're talking to me?? but as long as its *drama name* we're good!"

Jay|제이

-who do you think you're ignoring? HIM? the JAY PARK? ..first of all, do you even think you can? well not at all.

-the moment you don't reply to him, for the first time, he'll repeat himself thinking maybe you didn't hear. "y/n do you know where jungwon out the pepero sticks?" no reply again.

-that's it, he's done.

-the next second you're thrown over his shoulder-

-"you think you can ignore me huh?yeah heres your B+ for effort"

-"jay-"

-"shush, you know i've just asked you a simple question-"

-"jay list-"

-"no you wait just a simple question it's not that hard answering me is it?"

-"JAY MF PUT ME DOWN THEN RANT THE BLOOD CIRCULATION-"

-"oh- right"

Jake|제이크

-who why when how what made you think ignoring a 4y/o is good?

-clinges onto you and is now looking like a koala

-"*puppy eyes* y/n baby don't ignore mee"

-he's not 19, i promise

-"y/n y/n y/n y/n y/n look at mee *continuously pulls the hem of your hoodie*"

-he thought you were just joking but now it's been too long and he's this close to crying-

-he came to you, head down, with a fluffy blanket and a pillow, and a pout.

-"y/n i'm sorry for whatever i did to you to kake you upset but i want my huggies and cuddles now:("

-NAH YOU FELT BAD BAD LIKE LOOK AT THIS BABYRJBDID SOBS

-yeah he did get his cuddles and kisses and huggies tho

Sunghoon|성훈

-bad idea bad idea bad idea

-literally screams "YA" 60 TIMES PER SECOND

-"y/n how is the sky blue?"

"why is the red sea called 'red sea' when the water there isnt red?"

-literally won't stop

-doesn't care if you won't respond

-"radom fact, you know i'm prettier than you right?"

-"OH NOW HERE IS WHERE YOU SHUT UP, WHO IS PRETIER?"

-"you see? oh yeah btw that, me obv"

-"HEY SIRI who's prettier? me or sunghoon?"

-"shut up y/n , its kim sunoo"

-"KIM SUNOO WHO TOLD YOU TO CHANGE THE SETTINGS FOR SIRI OR WHATEVER ON MY PHONE?"

-"y'all were making her lie so yeah:\"

-"..okay what the fork.. NAH STILL ME"

Kim sunoo|김선우

-you can't

-HOW CAN YOU IGNORE YOU ONE AND ONLY BALL OF SUNSHINE, HAPPINESS, BOOST OF SERITONIN??

-he's too adorable but you still attempted to-

-you failed

-"oh my is it because i played with ni-ki too much yesterday? i'm sorry but you know him, he's adorable plus i also spent time with you"

-by the way he was pouting with his cheekies brb gna cry

-and yk the hand gestures he always does? yeha those too-

-NO NO HOW CAN YOU NOT TALK TO HIM

-yeah you told him about what you wanted to do but apparently couldn't

-"y/n why did you even try😒🙄?"

Jungwon|정원

-fuk why did you plan such thing?

-confused asf

-he'd be telling you about his day, but you're not responding so he's like '👀🧍‍♂️what'

-rethinks about everything he's done today

-walks around with his head down and sulks on purpose to show you he's sad

-"y/n enoughhh what did i doo?"

-"that's it i'm leaving with jay hyun-"

-"DON'T YOU DARE-"

-Ni-ki|니키

-please

-wouldn't realise it at all-well not the whole time, only for like an hour or something-he came to ask you if you wanna go on a night walk with him to get bungeopang but you didn't even look at him?

-"yeah why-?"

-is literally like 'what the heck..?'

-whines alot alot ALOOOTT

-and then is like "y/n ease talk to me lets go now"

-"okay fine you don't want to?"

-"you know what? i'm ignoring you too"

-end up dragging you outside w/ him until you talk to him

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ladymazzy · 3 years

Text

One year on: the BLM event that divided a Gloucestershire town

I'm beyond furious and exasperated with the perpetuation of the lie that racism is a thing of the past. This woman is only 25, and her recounting her experiences of going to school as a Black girl in the West Country only around a decade ago speaks volumes

Some highlights from the article. (CW for racism and White Fragility™️):

Growing up, Khady Gueye was one of just a handful of black pupils at her school in the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire. By the time she was a teenager, she was desperate to fit in and conform. And so when her nickname became “Nigs” – short for the N-word – Gueye didn’t challenge it.

Here, in the rural west of England, where she had been fed racist stereotypes of black people her whole life, she didn’t want to be labelled “the angry black girl” or the self-pitying minority who “couldn’t take a joke” or what was considered a “bit of light banter”.

And so it was, that on the last day of school where it is tradition for year 11s to scrawl goodbye messages on one another’s school shirts, Gueye took home a shirt covered with the N-word in giant block capital letters across the front. “Gonna Miss You Nigs” was written on the back next to jokes about golliwogs and messages of good luck.

Gueye was supposed to consider it an affectionate send-off; it was written by her own friends. It was 2012, the year Britain proudly celebrated its optimistic and diverse Olympic Games opening ceremony, or as Conservative MP Aidan Burley would call it, “multicultural crap”.

“I became complicit in allowing it to continue, by being ‘Ha ha! Good joke guys,’” says Gueye, flatly. “But when you grow up in an area that is so predominantly white and are already made to feel different, you just do your best to fit in. The ideal is don’t call out racism. Let it slide. You become so accustomed to it, it becomes your norm.”

Now 25 and on the verge of finishing her English degree at Manchester University, Gueye has become a local community organiser and is more visible than ever in the town where she was born and grew up.

“I don’t want my daughter to grow up with the same experience I did,” she says emphatically, over lunch at her local pub. “This is my home and it’s a lovely area to bring up a family in. I want my daughter to have a life where she is celebrated for who she is, not feel attacked or unwelcome because of her skin colour.”

But Gueye’s attempts to hold a small “celebration of BAME (black, Asian and minority ethnic) culture” sparked a furious backlash that, one year on, still reverberates throughout the small Gloucestershire town of Lydney.

...an online petition was set up to stop the event going ahead on the grounds that it was unsafe and high risk in the middle of a pandemic. Organiser Natasha Saunders wrote: “A mass gathering is a slap in the face to people who have been tirelessly shielding themselves, the elderly and loved ones from this virus.”

Anger, tension and outright abuse boiled over online as a counter-petition to support the event was organised. It got twice the number of signatures, leading Saunders to say that hers was more valid by claiming “90% of [signatories] are from Lydney, can you say yours was?” Later, she would make Eldridge-Tull gasp by posting: “He couldn’t breathe, now we can’t speak”, in a reference to Floyd’s murder by a police officer.

“We’re a happy community, we don’t really have an issue with racism,” said one middle-aged man, who didn’t want his name published, as he nursed a pint outside a local pub. “Outsiders bring their problems, but there’s not a lot of them here,” he said, echoing in politer terms a point that was made repeatedly to the Observer last week.

Last year, Gueye and Eldridge-Tull spent hours patiently replying to comments online in an attempt to explain the event and reassure people about it, but still received threats. Hundreds of screenshots of the abuse have been shared with the Observer. A typical missive read: “Fuck off. Not everyone agrees with black lives. I can’t say what I want on here coz I’ll be reported for racism. But I would bring back black slavery.” Gueye was repeatedly told to go back to where she came from if she didn’t like it and that she would be responsible for bringing harm to Lydney residents.

The pair’s standard response to those with genuine concerns about mass gatherings in a health pandemic, during a lockdown, was to keep explaining that social distancing was being strictly adhered to – two-metre grids were hand-chalked by Gueye and Eldridge-Tull on the site – and that PPE was being provided to anyone who didn’t have any.

“I think it speaks volumes that BAME people are still willing to protest for their human rights even though they are disproportionately affected by the pandemic,” wrote Gueye. “Maybe this should highlight the severity of the inequality in our society”.

....

When asked if she [deputy mayor, Tess Tremlett] accepted there were a lot of racist aspects to the abuse the organisers had endured, Tremlett replied: “I think some of the comments coming from supporters of the event were actually racist in themselves. They were called ‘white trash’, they were called Nazis and all sorts.”

But as anti-racist activists have spent the last year explaining, racism isn’t simply prejudice based on how one looks, but a system...[based] around a specific set of ideas – in this case, racist ones.

It is useful to explain why it is possible for white people to experience individual prejudice and unpleasant behaviour simply based on the colour of their skin but why it is inaccurate to call that “racism”. Being white does not mean one is more likely to be criminalised by the police, or that one is more likely to work in lower-paid frontline work or that one is more likely to be exposed to and die of Covid as a result.

In Gloucestershire, for instance, police statistics show that being black means you are nine times more likely to be stopped and searched by the police than you would if you were white.

The numbers are blankly disproportionate; there are just over 5,000 black people resident in the county compared with 570,000 white people. Last year, Gloucestershire council published evidence that jobseekers from minority ethnic groups had to send an average of 60% more applications to receive the same level of interest as white candidates. It’s not a conversation that Lydney, like much of the country, appears to have much interest in yet.

Tremlett, who has two decades of experience working in community engagement, explained that her sole reason for opposing the event was to be lawful. “Racism is the biggest insult anyone can say to me and I was called a racist by Khady’s team, whoever they are.” Was being called a racist worse than the actual racism that Gueye was continually facing in her everyday life? At this, Tremlett began to cry.

”You don’t understand,” she said, explaining that her daughter had been to three Indian weddings, that her builder was black, and that she had run an equalities panel for years as a councillor. Her experience – being called a racist, being abused online – when she felt she was doing the right thing, understandably made her defensive and upset. But it’s a difficult position for Gueye and Eldridge-Tull to deal with. Especially as she described Gueye as “aggressive and confrontational”.

Last year, Tremlett took the matter of the Forest of Dean’s BLM movement to local Conservative MP Mark Harper, who raised the matter in the House of Commons.

On 17 June, Harper, who may be best known as the immigration minister responsible for sending vans encouraging illegal immigrants to “go home” around parts of London, appeared to encourage an online pile-on against Eldridge-Tull, who had a tenth of his 30,000 followers, and demanded she apologise to the local community for tweeting: “The reaction to the BLM protest in Lydney has brought to light so much support, but so much hate. I love where I live, but I’m ashamed of my neighbours, and ashamed to be part of a community that has so widely endorsed and exacerbated racial hatred.”

....

When Gueye posted a picture of her school-leaver’s shirt on Instagram last year, one of her schoolfriends wrote that it was outrageous, and that she was impressed with everything Gueye was doing. “I was really happy she felt that but it was awkward,” says Gueye. “I messaged her back to say that she was one of the people who wrote those messages.” An embarrassed silence followed, but Gueye is hopeful and optimistic. “It’s still a positive sign.”

#guardian articles #uk racism #uk politics #blm protests #the uk is not innocent #never tory #there's a special place in my soul where i nuture my rage towards the kind of mfs who talk about the 'chip on your shoulder'#or that woebegotten idea that we 'need to take a joke' etc

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