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iangallagherisadeadman · 4 months

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shameless hot takes

i kind of dig the way lip ended up as a failure. i know a lot of people hate what the show did to him, how he never lived up to his potential (the same way they do it to rory gilmore) but like. that happens. lifes just like that. sometimes people who have had everything to live with grandiosity end up ruining everything up, and lips life was HARD and it SUCKED so him failing its kind of expectable i think. and its not like lips life ended, mans not even 30 and hes not just smart hes a genius, he will end up turning the table and coming straight to the top, i believe so.

frank doesn't love his children. i know people like to think frank was somewhat nice sometimes and that he was troubled but he loved the gallaghers his own way but i dont think he really did. he didnt even knew them. he was just too selfish and a narcissist and not even once a "act of love" was genuine or didnt have a gain for him or was somewhat for his benefit or interest.

of all plots, i believe gay jesus was the worst. i tried to remeber every other plot of the show and dont get me wrong the frank and his buddy pal mickey oshea SUCKED and i love ian hes my favorite character but what the fuck was that. the idea is really nice but it took so long to convey this arc of mania of him and it just was really badly written and executed and later it doesn't have importance to the plot. no surprise cameron monaghan wanted to skip shameless after that.

gallavich is not a healthy goal relationship. i mean yeah, they do love each other and they are good to each other, and i will excuse them for all the shit they did as teenagers cause they seemed to forgive each other and grow from it and i dont think they knew best but as adults they dont fucking communicate and mick broke ians leg like common. also most of time ian just seems to regret having married mick is really frustrating. i genuinely dont understand how that happened cause gallavich was all the writes had to milk and serve for the last seasons and they still fucked it up.

debbie is a rapist. she just is. just like sheila is too, i believe, and frank, and mandy, and jody, and estefania (i dont think jimmysteve is tho). they practiced nonconsensual sex and thats rape, end of story. i know the deborah debate is kind of hot ground and everybody has a different opinion about it cause she was young and didnt have the proper sex ed. but she did it not once, but twice AFTER facing consequences and getting to educate herself about what she did and why that was wrong, and i believe she would do it again if she had the motivation like she did on those circumstances. not saying matty or derick were cool guys, fuck them, matty wanted to go out with an underage girl when he met debbie and he kept going out with her after knowing she was much younger than he first thought and derick know that having sex can lead to having a baby and he and his family should have tried to be better to franny, but still they didnt deserved to by lied and abused by deb.

the gallaghers house should be debbie and carl's to decide what to do. the house is in fionas name, that much is true, but it is clear they kept contact with fiona at the begging of season 10 as she calls debbie to know about freddie and at that hall of fame episode too, so that much wouldn't be a problem. also, as fiona left, she left debbie in charge of the house's finances, and i believe the responsibility of what to do with the house is left with debbie too. i dont think fiona would be thrilled with the wouse being sold but she moved on and if her siblings are up to moving on too i dont think she would be opposed to it. that said, she would let the house deed on debbies hand i believe. taking up the fact that debbie is a mom with a little child and no other place to live, the fact she doesnt want to sell the house is comprehensible and i dont think any other gallagher can say its not, even more so lip. they tried to make the decision voting, letting the majority determinate what to do, but i dont think thats fair since lip could very easily get a house to himself and ian and mickey too, they had the money. now, about carl, is simply cause he paid for the house, therefore he should had a say on it. season 6, when the house was going to be sold, no other Gallagher than fiona was really trying to make to money to buy it. when she couldnt, carl saved the day and gave the money, and fiona was reluctant but she had no other option than to accept it, otherwise they would lose the house. even though the house is in fionas name like she likes to make it very clear, it is carls, and if he wanted to he could have put it in someone elses name, not lip cause he's in debt cause of the credit cards he has gotten to pay college, but he could have made it ians or anyone elses. he didnt cause he respects family and he respects fiona. since the house is his, and he also didnt really had any other place like debbie, they both should make the decision together.

fiona fucking sucks. i know a lot of people hates her and a lot loves her, and theres people in here that knows shes middle ground just like basically everybody on the show, which is called SHAMELESS for a reason. and i can agree with everybody. my point here is that she did nice things and stupid things and i dont hate her or love her for them, nor do i think all is forgiven because of her trauma or that shes number one worst character of the show. i think she sucks, think that she was wrong for all the liam shit, that she is an agent of chaos, that she was a bad girlfriend for all of her boyfriends just like they were bad for her (except mike he rocks), i think she make some of them worst really; i understand her desire to grown and be someone but i think it was risky to put the gallaghers house on the line so she could open the laundry (even more so cause i dont really consider it hers but carls), i understand how at some point she wanted to grow and take care of herself and be less of an parent in her sibling's life cause if she took care of herself since she was nine i think her siblings could try and take care of each other and their own ass a little so she could start living but the way she didnt really helped ian, the way she shut down debbie and was sad when debbie shuted her down, the way she left carl to his white boy fase without as much as trying and the way she said to them put VERONICA and KEVIN first at their emergency call before her was insane and she should be dragged for it idc. she was always mean to her siblings romantic interests too and that really bugs me cause mandy put lip in college and mickey cared for ian.

lip fucking sucks. most people here think the similarity between lip and frank starts and finishes on alcoholism and appearance but i think its more than that, i think both of them are narcissistic motherfuckers. i cant think of a single time lip put effort in anything for any other reason than to satisfy himself. it is the most evident when you think about his relationships SPECIALLY tami and fred, but if you think about his desire to be a father, the way he treated fiona when she was down, the whole sierra fiasco and how he treated her sons daddy, the karen ian thing; he even said that he helps his alcoholic friends because he thinks that if they cant do it then certainly lip himself won't be able to do it. i cant hold ian to the same parameters, i only think deb fiona and carl are really there for each other but ian gets a pass cause hes just selfish to some extent. he is bipolar and shit went down when he was still a child; still, joining the army and sending no news was a dick move and when he was good and on his meds and working as an EMT i think he wasnt really there for his family, tho he cared for mandy. cant really say much cause most of the time he was out of himself or in jail.

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bigassnocash · 3 years

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Hopeless Romantics

HiHo friends! I mostly wrote this piece for @iaminlovetomhollandmarvel because she's like my one consistent reader. Once again, I'm still fairly new to writing so please be kind, and send in requests for any characters and actors/actresses you want and I'll write for you! I also used writing prompt 707 from @creativepromptsforwriting and its highlighted in bold, there is also a Sylvia Plath poem in here!

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"Hey Y/N, what're ya doin?" Arvin asked as he walked up to you as you sat reading on the steps outside of the school.

"Not much, just sittin' here enjoyin the warm weather. What are you doin' Arvin?"

"Well you looked pretty lonely over here, so I was thinkin I could keep you company but I can go if you want."

"I don't mind, come sit down I promise I won't bite."

As he sat down next to you he linked his arm with yours to see how you'd react. When you didn't pull away he scooted closer to you, to the point of being able to see over your shoulder.

"Y/N L/N what on Gods green Earth are you reading?" he laughed at the content you were consuming.

"If you must know, nosey josey its a romance book," your cheeks started turning red with embarrassment as he laughed.

"I don't know much but I do know one thing; people do not talk like that on dates."

"I wouldn't know, I've never been out on a date before," you turned your head away feeling shame. 17 years old, and never been out on a date while some girls in your class were out here getting married.

Arvin felt bad, he did know that you didn't go out much but he figured that the most beautiful girl he's ever seen would've been asked out at some point.

"Thats about to change. C'mon Y/N get up, I'm taking you out on a proper date," he offered his hand to help pull you to your feet.

"Arvin are you insane, what would even do?"

"Anything you want. We could go to dinner, a movie, we could go to the library, I could get a picnic together really fast and go to the lake, we can go skinny dipping," he winked at you.

"Skinny dipping is a third date activity young man, I think you know this," you shot back at him matching his cheeky smile, "I wouldn't mind a picnic by the lake, I just need to stop by my house and tell my momma where I'm goin."

"Your carriage awaits m'lady," he help open the car door for you and helped you in.

"Before we do this I need to know, why are you doing this Arvin?" you asked him, very worried about getting hurt.

"Cause its Friday night and I'd rather spend it with the prettiest girl in school than at Church with Lenora."

An hour later after you dropped your stuff off at home and got a picnic and blanket you and Arvin were sitting by the lake looking out over the water.

"Y/N will you please read your book to me? 'ts just I've heard you read in English and I really like your voice. Please?" he was so kind and quiet that there was no way you could deny him of this.

"I won't read you my book but I'll read you a poem, how's that?" he nodded happy with the trade off. As you pulled your poem book out of the small bag you packed, he laid down in your lap looking up at the sky.

"This one is called Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath.

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again. (I think I made you up inside my head)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red, And arbitrary blackness gallops in: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. (I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade: Exit seraphim and Satan's men: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said, But I grow old and I forget your name. (I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead; At least when spring comes they roar back again. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. (I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Arvin stared at you in awe. He had never felt feelings like this before. In the moments that you were reading to him everything felt right, as if you wrote the poem for him.

"Y/N that was absolutely beautiful," he gushed to you.

"Aww you don't mean that, now c'mon enough with all this gushy stuff. Its hot and i want to cool down with a swim."

"But we dont have our swimsuits and I thought skinny dippin was a third date activity miss," he was getting real cheeky now.

"Thats very true, but I wear undergarments, and those cover the same amount skin that a swimming suit do. Arvin, do you wear undergarments?" you asked as you started to unzip your skirt.

"You sure about this?" he wanted to go swimming with you more than anything but he didn't want you to feel uncomfortable.

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life Arvin." you were completely undressed, except the matching bra and panty set you were wearing. Arvin was awestricken with you. "Hurry up, I want to swim and your taking forever."

In record speed he took off his jeans and shirt, grabbing your hand and running into the water with you. You guys splashed in the water for a long time, well into the night. At some point you guys just floated, side by side holding hands. No one had ever made you feel the way Arvin did, like you mattered.

"Y/N your shivering, let get you dried off," he helped you onto the shore and wrapped a towel around and rubbed your shouders. "Heres the keys to the truck, you can changed in there. 'm gonna go into the woods to give you some privacy." he truly was the sweetest boy.

Once you both got changed and were sitting in the car, he asked you something you never thought he'd ask. "Will you dance with me? I can turn up the radio and we can dance outside." you nodded your head and lept out.

He took your right hand, in his left and wrapped your left arm around his waist. He placed his right hand low on your back yet high enough to still be respectful.

"Arvin, real talk and I want a real answer from you this time. Why did you ask me out tonight?"

"I asked you out because I've been infatuated with you, but i was never sure to liked me back so I started to flirt with you."

"What? We barely even spoke before today, how did you flirt with me?"

"I mean, I looked at you... sometimes you looked back."

"Arvin I don't know what to say, you could've talked to me."

"I wanted to, so badly Y/N its just that... I didn't want people to get the wrong idea about you because you deserve the whole world and I cant give it to you and people say I'm dangerous and I swear I'm not I just don't wan-"

you cut him off with a kiss. An earth shattering, mind blowing kiss. his lips were so soft and molded perfectly to yours, and he could taste the cherry chapstick you always wore. It lasted forever it felt like. When you both eventually pulled apart he rested his head against yours. "Woman if you keep doing that you're gonna kill me."

"I hate to ruin this absolutely perfect first date but, its past my curfew and I have to be home," disappointment clear in your voice. "All good things must come to an end eventually I suppose."

The whole way home, you didn't leave his side. He even walked you to your door and kissed you goodnight. "Can we go out again tomorrow, ya think?" he asked so hopeful you'd say yes.

"I would absolutely love to Mr. Russell but I don't know if my mom will let me after gettin in so late after I was supposed to be home. Give me your number and Ill call you tomorrow if I can."

He gave you his number and you two parted ways. He sat by the phone all weekend waiting for you to call, disappointment shattering his heart when you didn't. He found you by your locker first thing Monday morning at school.

"Hey, I figured that Id come say hi to you. Ya know, just make sure everythings still good between us?" He had never been this nervous in all his life.

"Yes of course everythings good between us why wouldnt it be?"

"Well you never called, and I got really worried. Why didnt you call?"

"My mom said I wasnt allowed to use the phone because I broke curfew. I promise you I would've called Arvin, I had the best time of my life on Friday. I would do it again in a heartbeat."

"Really, you want to go out with me again?"

"Well, yeah. Of course I do. There's still a second date we have to go on, before we get to the third." you winked at him as you shut your locker and turned around and walking in the opposite direction. Leaving him there, wondering what on Earth he just got himself into.

#arvin russel fic #arvin russel x y/n #arvin russel fluff #arvin russel imagine #arvin eugene russell #arvin russel x reader

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staycult · 4 years

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highschool!minho as your boyfriend

pairing — fem!reader x minho

genre — fluffish angst-ish ? bullet scenario but mostly not, enemies to lovers

word count — 2k

happy birthday to our precious cat boy! 🐈

happy birthday lino!

you’re one of the best dancers in your school

competitions arent complete without you

i guess the popularity with dancing got over your head a little bit

to you, you were just proud

but others took it the wrong way, as per usual

“alright we’re going to have a new member in our crew, please give him a warm welcome!” your dance instructor clapped

you wiped off your sweat and sat down on the floor to listen further

“come in, lino!” she urged

the young man came in wearing gray sweats and a plain black shirt with a poker face on

you didnt really care nor felt a bond forming between you two

“hi, lee minho, nice to meet you” he smiled half heartedly

you heard the other girls in the room swoon at the sight of him

you were about to nudge your friend who was obviously squealing when the instructor interrupted

“[y/n]! stand over here, please” she pointed beside minho

so you complied

his scent was manly with a hint of softness

he was taller than you and had a lean body structure

your instructor was eyeing the both of you from head to toe and proceeded to call over another instructor

“see, they would be perfect for it!” she whisper shouted at her fellow instructor, still eyeing the both of us

“i do agree with you but dont you think minho is still new? he just came in” the other replied

“minho if you don’t mind? can i show him your audition video?” she asked

minho gave her a nod while he looked around the place with his arms crossed, while you looked like an idiot just standing there like 🧍🏻‍♀️

“wow! his body is flexible, you made the right choice with these two" the male instructor commended

“right?"

"alright, you two would be assigned to create a new choreography for the up coming dance competition. it should be hip hop styled, music of choice is yours." she instructed

your fellow dancers already went home since it was getting late, so you did too after the discussion

you didnt really talk to minho

you felt like you didnt need to, yet

unless it was about the dance

practices were always held after classes. you and the crew decided to brainstorm possible songs that you guys could dance to. all of the songs they were suggesting was boring and at this point you were frustrated and threw a fit. "god, think!" you sighed at your fellow dancers as you ruffled your hair in anger. "do you have any better ideas?" minho asked, nonchalant. "i evaluate whether or not the songs can be used. do you have any ideas?" you rolled your eyes, copying his tone.

he shook head and let out a light smirk, a rather amused one. he suggested songs and remixes that were actually good, but you can never say that. for the first time, someone actually had the courage to speak back to you during your angry state. it did hurt your ego a bit.

"no, i dont want that, it's ear-bleeding" you lied, just for the sake of your reputation in front of your fellow members. "im not asking for your permission, im showing this to noona," he said getting up from the floor with the computer and walked out to find our older instructor.

whispers and held back laughter was heard in the room while their eyes are focused to either you, or minho's back who just disappeared

being a little brat, you stomped over to minho ( who you found in the hallway, just outside your instructor's office ) "you!" you stormed over until youre close enough. without looking, he let out a sigh, "what?"

"what the hell was that about!" you half-shouted, eyebrows furrowed. "what? did i hurt your ego?" he raised an eyebrow, giving you a smirk. you were taken aback by his choice of words. no body has ever came this close to you. all he did was say the truth, because he really did hurt your ego. you hate being told what to do and you hate getting embarrassed in front of people.

your face turned red, "you know what? fuck you" you turned around and left. leaving him with this annoying smug look on his pretty face.

it became a routine

to argue with him during practice

you guys were partners in the said dance

being close with his body gives you the chance to take revenge

by making yourself heavy every time he has to carry you

but you learned that he's not the one to hold back

by letting go of you, causing you to fall off ass first

after a month straight of practice, it went like that

safe to say you hated each other's guts

he hated your bratty and egotistic attitude, and you hated him for pointing it out in front of every one

there's 3 more days until the performance

and somehow, nervousness was getting ahead of you.

"one last practice for today! let me see what you guys got." your instructor said as you guys were positioning yourselves in place. during the dance, you knew you made so many mistakes but you were still hoping it would go unnoticed. making the ending pose, every one clapped as well as the instructor.

"over all, it's a winning dance for me!" every one cheered for the mentor's compliment while you were feeling unsteady. "[y/n], work on the dance a little more okay? you seem a bit on edge" she gave you a small smile. embarrassment was written all over your face. improve? me? christ! it's much worse when minho, who is right beside you, heard that.

the instructor left and every one proceeded to pack their things. as you were about to close yours, "work on the dance a little more okay?" little shit minho repeated your instructors words, with a smug look on his face that you badly want to wipe off with a punch

"okay" you replied dryly, not wanting to engage with crap because of your rising nervousness. "looks like im about to take your place, brat" he added. you knew he was just messing around since both of you had been fighting like this almost every day. you gave him a nod because you just wanted to escape at this point. you placed your bag over your shoulder and opened the door, "don't you think maybe it's because you're not that good-"

"can we not do this right now? alright? i get it. if you really are so fucking great, congrats! now leave me alone." you spat, walking past him and left the studio. the sun was setting when you got out and it was a rather chill weather. it was fine, we're in the middle of october any way.

you sighed as you hugged yourself for comfort due to the strong wind. walking home, you decided to stop by a vending machine.

great! your money just had to be stuck in the vent. just when you thought your day could get worse, this happens. you placed your head on the glass of the machine in front of you while mindlessly playing with the buttons.

you regret losing your cool in front of minho like that, because you know he was just messing around. at some point during practice, you were slowly learning that being a brat is horrible and not everything will go my way.

you noticed that you were starting to change too.

you let out another sigh and kicked a foreign rock to express your frustration. you eyes went back to the stuck money and tried to get it out again. a random finger from behind pressed a red button on top of the machine, which immediately retrieved your money.

you turned back around to thank the person, "thank you-" your smile faded when you realized who it was. he had a small cat eye smile on, "hi" he said in a low tone, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"hi" you said rather awkwardly. "what drink do you want?" he said as he brought out his wallet, positioning himself in front of the machine. "no you don't have to" you protested. "please, let me do this, it's the least i can do for pissing you off"

"banana milk, and im sorry too" you replied, playing with your fingers. he gave you this 'why are you saying sorry' look. "im sorry for all the mean stuff i said back there, i dont know what has gotten into me, im just so nervous about the performance"

he nodded, implying that he's listening while typing and inserting the money on the machine. "im just sorry for being a brat in general," you smiled apologetically as you accepted the banana milk from him. both of you sat down beside the vending machine.

"you dont have to apologize you know? im the one who took it too far" he said, guilt plastered all over his face. "it's fine, i deserve it. besides if it wasnt for you, i wouldnt have notice how much of a bitch i am." you admitted with a light chuckle.

"i didnt mean what i said earlier by the way," he spoke, finishing up his own banana milk. "which one?" you asked. "when i said you were not that good, i didnt mean it. in fact, youre one of the best." he admitted, placing his empty banana milk beside him.

"you think so?" you asked with a smile. "i know so" he smiled back, removing his hairband and placing it back again. "maybe that's why im falling for you." he mumbled.

competition day came

you were feeling energetic today

bratiness level lowered down by 70%

the performance went really great

every one at your school was rooting for your team

which made you even more giddy

"and the grand champion for this year is..."

you heard your school's name and immediately hugged minho unintentionally out of joy

your legs were wrapped up in his waist and he was swinging you around, happy to win as well.

he let go of you gently, trying not to make things awkward

youve already touched his body due to the dance steps but it felt awkward after he confessed

after the celebration, your crew was in the back stage, preparing for the surprise

today is october 25, meaning it's his special day

you got out the cake you personally baked for him and motioned everyone to gather around before minho comes in

"surprise!" every one cheered and threw random pieces of paper towards him when he came in the back stage

"happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you! happy birthday dear minho, happy birthday to you" you sang along with the crew and faced him his cake

"make a wish, lino" you said as you waited for him to blow.

"i wish to be with you" he said out loud, not even minding the people around us and blew the candle out. a lot of ooos and cheers were heard, making you blush. you gathered frosting all over your finger and proceeded to wipe it on his face

he let out a fake shocked face as he did the same to you. by now, every one around you has frosting in your faces. musting up all the courage left in you. you made your way to minho once more and placed a frosting on his lips. he smirked at your sudden action as he lifted you up.

you pressed your lips against his, licking the frosting clean off of him. he gladly accepted the kiss, ignoring everyone around the both of you. pulling away, "maybe i am falling for you too, lino" you confessed. making him kiss you once more.

bf minho is very tsundere

as usual, dance practices together

vending machine dates after practice

lots and lots of i love yous while dancing

SLOW DANCING IN YOUR ROOM!!!!!!

would let you meet his cats bcs "you are now worthy"

helping each other out with missed assignments

your best friend

kisses are wild but soft

dance covers together

will literally break the vending machine to give you your banana milk

would buy you breakfast

holds your hand during break

cuddling with his cats!!!!!!

forehead kisses with reassurance

people dont get your inside jokes

a tease !!!!!

"baby, there is no one else like you"

author's note —

i tried to make this gender neutral but i dont know much about mxm dancing together! sorry about that, i tried to lessen the female details though.

im open for constructive criticism! i made this a birthday special for our lee know <3

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percyjacksonfan3 · 3 years

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The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! - how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST - Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

#lau rereads pjo #the last olympian is my favourite book for a REASON #honestly every line is killer #so much subtext to read into #the dialogue #the relationships are dialed up to 11 #every character is so on point #the battle strategies too? are just so interesting?#I just adore it #Tay don't read any of this yet cause it's all spoilers #alright I'm gonna go write fic to express these feelings now #tlo #the last olympian #pjo #pjato #percy jackson

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7wanderingpaws · 3 years

Note

⭐️ I’m curious about about a “directors cut” for Let’s Have Some Gentle Fun and Captain Bucheon as well.

Jamie, not gonna lie but if I had to guess what youd be asking about, I would say these two! I feel like I owe you with the "Lets have some gentle fun" one shot since it was for you ㅠㅠ (this will be long, sorry)

Directors cut for: Lets Have Some Gentle Fun

(Can I just say I want to explore Jiyongs character in this one? lol totally unrelated but still... "Dragon" and his own adventures haha)

Baekhyun smiled at you kindly, his eyes following your movements the entire time despite having a beautiful chick sitting on his thighs. Gulp. Those thighs.

“Thank you,” he made sure to say, when you stood up to your full length. Shooting him a very pressed, almost painful smile, you nodded once, accidentally meeting his gaze that you thought was not on you any longer.

You were wrong. But were you wrong as well when you always felt electricity curse down your veins whenever you would look at each other? Was the attraction just from your side? Why was he so hard to approach yet so easy to talk to once you actually managed to spike up a conversation?

Right. Your friends always snatched him away. While he was the center of the circle, you were the edge; the misunderstood one yet always invited. Doing chatty-chats with the famous ones in the circle of your friends seemed to be hard because if they didn’t really vibe with you, they’d made sure you could feel it. Baekhyun not once did, yet his apologetic smiles whenever someone wanted to talk to him when he was about to start a conversation with you, hurt more than any of your other friends’ attitude.

Reciprocating his stare a little longer, you finally turned, thinking he would be paying attention to the pretty lady on his lap. Yet again, you were wrong. He was looking even when you were far gone and back to the bar to continue your shift.

Okay, stop here. This right here screams interest and Baekhyuns badly hidden attraction towards OC. He had been doing that in other scenes where he stares at her and says words that clearly mean his interest, but there is something holding him back which is his girlfriend; the one sitting on his lap, the one who will appear at the end of the storyline. Meanwhile, OC isnt as focused on his girlfriend, as she is on the reality of everyone stealing him away from her. Baekhyun can only offer apologetic smiles - why is that? OC can only interpret that as his disinterest; he isnt much different than the others. Baekhyun is being very vague again in the next scene:

“You have a man here?”

Both of you were quiet now. He was staring into your eyes, something so hard for you to decipher flashing in those deep orbs. His eyes seemed almost black, swallowing up every light that dared to enter including you.

“It’s what you all think about me, isn’t it?” you mumbled quietly. “That I bring men home, that I’m the quiet before the storm. I know that’s what you all say behind my back. I’m just living up to your knowledge.”

Baekhyun’s face became unreadable. His features evened out. “Way to ruin the mood.”

You laughed. “Whatever mood you’re talking about-“

Baekhyun made OC believe there was something happening between them in that moment. He is always unconsciously flirting with her, making baby steps to get to know OC better; it felt like he put the blame on her when in reality, he is the taken man and he is the one never offering more. And he had the audacity to act hurt at the idea of her having someone there?

He stepped closer, silencing you right away. “I know people are judgemental fucks but I would have always said otherwise about you.”

“Meaning?”

He gave you a lopsided smirk, not reaching his eyes. “I can hardly judge you when I know so little about you. I never believe those rumors and you shouldn’t give a damn either. If anything, you’re the most intriguing among our friends.”

He couldn’t tell, but breath hitched in your throat from the way his eyes were drinking you up, their intensity burning every sane thought you could produce. “Then why do you always yield to those friends? We had many chances to talk. But it wasn’t me who always turned around at the last moment.”

The tension was almost palpable when you were looking up at him.

He didn’t reply and you realized the headache you were gifted with today. Sighing tiredly, you smiled up. “Whatever. Don’t answer that. Go. I bet your girlfriend is waiting.” When he didn’t move, you snorted a laugh. “Why are you even baking at this hour? You’ll be late to work.”

Poor OC. Baekhyun was darn lucky she decided to speak up and not let him answer. He wouldnt be able to offer anything she would want to hear in that moment. I really liked these scenes because they set the diversity of Baekhyuns character, they set up the confusion, and at the same time they are enhancing OCs struggle with her crush towards him. She knows she cant have him, and she also thinks Baekyhun is just like her other friends, while she has no clue the man is attracted to her. Just for the funsies - we dont know whether he actually meant it, or whether he just wanted his desire to be satiated by her as a one night stand. I still love this plotline so much! And I think it is the most realistic kind of crush - from OCs side and from Baekhyuns side.

Directors cut: Captain Bucheon

“Then why would you do it if you don’t want to do it?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“Because I’m in the student council,” you replied almost in a whine. “They asked me and I couldn’t say no!” You threw your arms around, making it sound like a big deal. And for you, it was a big deal. You didn’t like how you were easily pushed around.

Baekhyun nodded, a small smile stretching his lips when he saw your comprehension. Sweet university life. “You must be very liked by everyone.”

You froze at that. That wasn’t true. How would you tell your ex the reason everyone was all over you was because you had huge tits and you were friends with Chul? “It’s not like that…”

Baekhyun nodded, noting your discomfort but deciding against questioning it. He didn’t think he was anywhere near the position to stick his nose into your business. For all he knew, he’d scare you away like that time in the bar but, frankly, he didn’t even utter a single word that night to give you a reason for your abrupt fleeing.

“So you run here often, huh,” he heard you say and then saw you shuffling your feet, the small stones of the track field rustling under them.

So much is happening here I want to CRY! The first question Baekyhun asked is something he would definitely ask her if they were dating. He cares about her so much, he needs to ask for her reasons. Yet, Captain Byun isnt the type to be too nosy; from Burn Your Bridges we saw he was a passionate lover but very mature and responsible which also shows in the part where he didnt question her about her discomfort when he sensed it. But he still cares too much. These scenes prove how tables turned; Lee Nari is the one who is harder to reach now, while Baekhyun seems to be losing his mind a little with having the young girl back in his life. It shows in this scene:

Baekhyun was fast. Before you realized the warmth of his hand leaving yours, you heard a loud snap, his fist landing with the dude’s face. You squealed, covering your mouth in shock and just like that, Baekhyun had professionally put the lad down, having both his arms locked behind his back. It vastly made you remember when he did a similar move with your brother in his office at the police station, and chills ran down your spine.

Right. Baekhyun first arrested you, and then your brother who was still in jail until now. Baekhyun lied to you to get closer to you. Right. Right, right, right.

“Don’t ever even imagine her in your filthy mind,” Baekhyun’s voice thundered through the space.

Baekhyun lost it. And this is also a huge trigger for the OC. If you read the story, you would learn that Baekhyun would never pull this move on just a random person he needs to protect as a cop. But we are talking about Lee Nari and he would sure as hell manhandle anyone who dared to talk about her badly. Even her brother.

Your palm landed on his cheek and Baekhyun’s face snapped to his right side. “I hate you!” You shouted shakily, more tears spilling down your cheeks, the snot out of your nose. You were a mess. “I hate everything you put me through, Byun Baekhyun! You lied to me! Why did you lie to me?! I loved you!” You shouted again, and squeezed your eyes shut.

(...)

Your palms were still, pressing against his sturdy chest but you couldn’t make him move anymore. You were crying now, your voice shaking and your eyes still squeezed shut. “What did I do to deserve this… when all I did was love you honestly, purely,” you wailed, your voice sounding almost like a wolf’s howl in the empty streets of the campus. “I was just seventeen…”

Baekhyun was quiet the whole time, emotions of guilt eating him away just like they had been for the past year. His own heart was in pain and he knew how hurt you were but seeing you like this made his heart split into two. You were a complete, utter mess.

Even I felt heartbroken as I wrote that, angst at its best!! Baekhyun could finally witness just how damaged the girl is. Nari needed this. Thank God Baekhyun provided her the chance to finally speak up. I just loved the slap that she gave him, I loved how passionate and aggressive she was - with all his previous kindness, she finally erupted like a volcano. I love how she became so tired of her emotions, so tired of hating on Baekhyun that eventually led her to be in his arms. That last sentence is just as heart-breaking; your lover realizing just how much they ruined you but they still hold you in their arms. Its a little ironic, isnt it? The delicious pain of enemies/lovers trope <3 God I love them!!

- ASK ME: Fanfic Writers: Directos Cut

#ask game #fic: LHSGF #fic: CB

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i-loves-my-lemurs · 3 years

Text

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

*"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)

#ask post #fanfic commentary #ahkj fanfiction #homophobia mention

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aceofwhump · 4 years

Text

Okay I think enough time has passed that I can post this now. Here are my thoughts on Outlander 5x08

MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!!!!!

LIKE A LOT

I SPOIL SO MANY THINGS SO PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED!!

So I am both disappointed by and incredibly happy with Outlander 5x08. Mostly pretty happy. It’s a weird contradiction but I'll try to explain.

The Disappointments:

We only got like a minute of them saving Roger and that was it. PLUS it was told via silent film style. Which mean it was quick, in black and white, and SILENT.

I’m so utterly pissed off over the fact that they included my favorite Jamie/Roger line BUT IT WAS SILENT!!! Jamie told Roger, with a hand over his heart, “You’re alive. You’re whole. All is well” BUT IT WAS SILENT! I DIDN’T GET TO HEAR JAMIE SAY IT TO HIM!!!! I’M SO MAD ABOUT THAT!!! I WANTED TO HEAR IT SAID OUT LOUD SO BADLY!! I LOVE THAT LINE!!!!

I also really wanted to see the life saving surgery Claire performs on Roger and it was all shown via silent film style and I did not like that at all. I feel like it really took me away from the moment and as a whump lover I desperately wanted to see this moment in all of its brutal glory.

We didn’t see any of the 3 months of recovery!!!!!! Absolutely none of it!!! Not one second!!! I'm SO pissed!!!

Honestly that was pretty much it. I was so severely disappointed as a whump fan that those scenes didn’t happen and that we cut straight to 3 months later. So fucking pissed we never saw Claire take care of him or how afraid Bree was to leave his side for fear he’d die. That we never saw Roger want to tell them what happened to him but be unable to because of his voice and his hands. Jamie talking to him or how his words were an anchor for him when he woke up. I’m so mad we got none of that. UGH!

Oh I with there had been more moments with him and Jemmy because the book had Jemmy has a big reason why he works on his voice and begins to heal and in this episode Jemmy was kinda nothing to him.

The Happy:

This episode was entirely focused on Roger!!!!! I was so worried it wouldn't be because his story is often set aside for other stupid things but this episode was all Roger baby!!! THE FOCUS WAS ON ROGER FOR A MAJORITY IF NOT ALL OF THE EPISODE!!!!!!!! That’s what he deserved and I am beyond thrilled about it!!!

Roger teaching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE SAW OXFORD PROFESSOR ROGER WAKEFIELD AND I DIED!!! He’s an amazing teacher and I loved seeing him as a professor.

Richard Rankin portrayed Roger’s trauma and ptsd so incredibly perfect I have no words. The way that man is able to portray Roger’s fear, sadness, loneliness, and despair without saying a single word is a true testament to his acting abilities. His eyes spoke volumes

I got so emotional every time we saw Roger alone because that’s how he feels. He’s lost and scared and alone and I just wanted to hug him. I think the most poignant moment for this, for me was the dinner scene where there was an empty chair, Roger being conspicuously absent during that scene only for us to see that he's actually alone in the cabin trying to sing again and having flashbacks. It's so freaking heartbreaking!!!

Each flashback Roger had throughout the episode. I loved that not only were these moments throughout the whole episode but they were shown through Roger's eyes. I loved that the feel of the burlap bag sent him into a ptsd induced flashback, how Marsali kept pulling the Hanged Man card for his tarot reading and it gave him flashbacks, the nightmare and the flashback he had by the cliff. All so emotional and all wonderfully showed how deeply scarred Roger is by this trauma.

Roger crying. Look I love whump and emotional whump is my favorite thing in the world so every time Roger let some tears loose I loved it. When he cried hearing Brianna sing Clementine to Jemmy and then when he let one tear drop while Bree told him to fight I LOST IT OKAY I LOST IT AND I CRIED BOTH TIMES RIGHT WITH HIM

The astrolabe. I absolutely loved how it was included in the episode and how Ian used it to calm Roger after he had a nightmare. Amazing. "Wherever you thought you were, we're both still here" UGH MY HEART

Lord John Grey and Bree. I love their friendship and how at ease they are with each other and their scene was so cute and perfect.

IAN! YOUNG IAN IS BACK AND I LOVE YOUNG IAN AND HE WAS SO GOOD IN THIS EPISODE

The scene of Marsali playing with the tarot cards with Roger was cute until it was sad. I thought it was cute that she was taking time out of her day to sit with Roger and play cards with him and just be with him. She thought about how alone he must be and decided to keep him company. And then it all went to shit when she pulled the Hanged Man card twice and Roger had a flashback and then I cried a lot.

The paper airplane. That was a wonderful way for Bree to connect with Roger. It wasn’t demanding or aggressive. It was sweet and open and full of meaning for him. I loved it.

Claire worrying that Roger plans on killing himself and voicing those concerns to Jamie. Any time we get Claire worrying about Roger makes me happy and now we got Jamie worried too and yes! LOVE IT!

This episode was a great discussion of how Bree and Jamie and Roger all deal/dealt with trauma differently. Jamie got lost for a while like Roger. Brianna had to fight and act normal and be normal. Roger is lost and broken. People respond to trauma differently.

Sophie’s singing!! She sings so beautifully! It was so nice to see her singing to Jemmy but then I got sad because Roger could hear it and he started fucking sobbing because he’ll never be able to sing to his son again and I thought about the promise he made and now i’m gonna cry

The moment when Roger returns from the surveying trip and finally speaks to Bree and tells her what he’s been going through. God it was hard to watch but so so good!!

Honestly the whole trip with Ian to survey the land was perfection.

THE END CREDITS!! ROGER/RIK AND BREE/SOPHIE SINGING CLEMENTINE TOGETHER!! PERFECTION

I liked that this episode really showed how Roger’s voice is his identity, his strength, and how lost and afraid he is without it. This whole season has been trying to show how Roger fights not with his hands or with a weapon but with his words. He talks to people, he sings to them and we’ve seen the effect it has. Without his voice Roger is utterly lost. His whole identity is shaken and hes afraid. What will he do now?

Was Disappointed by At First but Came To Love by the End:

The silent film flashbacks.

I'm really very conflicted about the flashbacks. I hate it because it took away from my whump but I also thought, by the end, that it was the PERFECT way to show Roger's flashback episodes because when you have a trauma related flashback like that it really can be just specific scenes playing over and over in your mind. And for Roger this is just how it happens. Silent, jarring, and disjointed. Silent film style was kind of the perfect way to encapsulate that feeling inside of Roger for the audience.

As I thought on it more and more I think showing it to us only as silent film only to show the whole hanging scene in all of its technicolor glory was fucking brilliant because not only were the silent film parts showing us how its seen in Rogers head but when we see it in full is the moment Roger is able to take a step forward in his recovery. He sees it all clearly for the first time and is able to accept it and begin to move forward and I think that amazing.

So even though I still wish the saving wasn't in b&w silent film style I do love the use of it throughout the rest of the episode. They could have done the Claire surgery part in normal and throw in the silent film flashbacks between moments and the continue to use it for the rest of the episode like they did. It would have made Roger seem to be coming in and out if consciousness, seeing his hanging and then jumping into the tracheotomy and back to silent film hanging and then bam its Brianna whispering for him to open his eyes then bam hanging silent film and zap Jamie is speaking and end with a fade out and then fade into the 3 months later. That's how I'd have done it i guess.

The changing of the first time Roger speak

I was so pissed that they didn’t have Roger say Brianna’s name after he shouted at Jemmy to not touch the hot stove but it made the moment when he does say her name after returning from the surveying trip so much sweeter. And at the time, he was still really broken and scared to speak so saying her name at the time wouldn’t have been right. I liked that even though he said something he was still broken and not ready. It was the right time for it in the books but not for this episode.

Ian coming back early

I had a feeling Ian was returning when I saw that promo pic of Claire and Jamie smiling with Jemmy and I was soooooooo worried he was going to overshadow Roger but he didn’t! Even when he arrived and killed the boar I was like oh god was that all of Roger we're gonna see now that hes back!? But that didnt happen at all!! In fact, they were great parallels to each other and helped each other heal in a way that was so much better than the book. And I loved that Roger was the first to hug Ian and he tried to thank him and speak but couldn’t and sort of ran away. It was great. the actors worked so well together

Roger's surveying trip

I was mad at first that they shoved Ian in with Roger on his what is supposed to be a personal healing journey because I was worried this would take away from how healing this job becomes for him. He uses this surveying job to find his way again and I didn’t want putting Ian with him to disrupt that. Roger’s story hasn’t been treated well so I get worried a lot that his time is gonna be taken by someone else. But this was an amazing idea and the whole trip was remarkably better than the books. I hated the whole fire and seeing Fanny Beardsley thing that went on in the books so I’m very glad it happened like this. This was way better. Ian and Roger were able to help each other and I loved that Ian was kind of looking after Roger during the trip. I wonder if Jamie or Claire asked him to do that. It must have been really hard to film those scene with only Ian being able to talk but the two of them were amazing together. I loved it.

So even though I didn’t get a lot of what I wanted to see I think I'm really happy with this episode. We got some incredible ptsd related emotional whump from Roger, everyone worrying about and trying to help him, and Richard is so amazing I think I can be okay with not seeing some of those book scenes I wanted to see. Still gonna be disappointed by it cause that's quality whump I not getting but god this episode was so damn good it's okay. I love the changes they made and the acting was phenomenal. There were some really heartbreaking moments and I love it. Really, it was a great episode.

#Outlander spoilers #spoilers #outlander thoughts #Outlander 5x08 #outlander #5x08 famous last words #roger mackenzie #not whump but kinda whump related #mod's thoughts #mod post

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r-ahh-mi · 5 years

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#2, I'm looking for some angst tonight! Thank you, love!

Aye ayeee, we stan some angst! So i’m going to do this in the POV of Elliot cause he’s my boyyy and sorry I got hella into writing as him. WHOOPS

2). “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

______________________________________________________________

She was hysterical.

My tired arms had been rubbing circles into her back as I awkwardly fixed my gaze on the crumbling paint job on my apartment walls. It felt like hours, fuck, it could’ve very well been two hours by now, but I just didnt know what to do.

Her crying wasn’t letting up at all and ever since she loudly sobbed while hammering her fist against my door, I couldn’t let her go. She was my friend - I’d come to her many times to either sit in comfortable silence, or to ramble about my mind and how it was simply driving me mad, particularly badly that day and she listened. She was listened to what I had to say and somehow she made me feel comfortable enough to talk about what I was actually feeling. Not the typical fake bullshit conversation people usually get up to, simply to fill the void in their ‘need to be social’ heads, but I actually told her what a fucking mess I was that day, or how my day could’ve been worse.

But now, now she was the one who needed someone; she was the one who needed a comforter and listener and I just wasn’t good at that sort of thing. I was too emotional myself to immediately jump into the sweet role that she clearly needed at the moment, and yet here she was. With me, safe in my awkward arms as I frustratingly tried to figure out how to place them around her body as her head leaned against my shoulder.

Finally, her head began to stir as she whiped her tear stained cheeks on the sleeve of her oversized hoodie. All she did was sniffle for a good minute or two before she felt composed enough to make eye contact with me.

God she looked awful.

Not that she wasn’t beautiful, of course she was, but she merely looked drained. My usually llively and outgoing neighbor with a permanent smile blastered on her face was no longer. Right now, she was a god damn mess. Her eyes were so fucking red and the only time i’d seen them like that was when we smoked too much weed for the night.

Her hair wasn’t laid flat, per usual, but it was naturally wavy and tossled - it made her look so much more real to me like she had this guard that she kept up 24/7 to the world, but today she showed you who she was, who she really fucking was.

“You uh..you okay?”

She didn’t really respond, at least not in her normal fashion. She gently nodded and kept whiping her face on her sleeve, i’m assuming to hide the evidence of her emotional session.

I don’t know why she won’t just let her be herself. Fuck, she’s seen me and so many people don’t see me and who I really am and she fucking knows that, yet she’s so afraid. Honestly, I think she is afraid of everyone though. She seems to tentative and overly observant and I suppose I should’ve taken note of this because I tend to do the same things, but at least I saw it now.

“I’m so sorry.. I have no clue what got into me I just.. I just needed someone.”

I shook my head and patted my hand on her thigh, but quickly pulled it away, not sure of how much physicaly contact was too much for her.. or for me for that matter.

“Don’t appologize,” I bit my lip, “Do you want to talk about it or anything?”

She was quiet for a while, keeping her gaze fixed on her entwined fingers set in her lap.

“It’s just my parents.”

I nodded, attempting to get her to go on and finally engage with me. This was such a fresh new feeling that I hadn’t felt in a while.. since Shayla. I couldn’t let it go, I had to keep her talking to me.

“They’re not good people Elliot. My mother is constantly cutting me down.. and god, don’t even get my started on my father. If i’m not a CEO of a Fortune 500 company then i’m nothing in his eyes, and my god it’s not like I’m not making good money and...” she drifted off, letting out a small laugh as she reached for a tissue from the box set on my coffee table and blowing her nose quietly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ramble like this to you. How are you doing today?”

Honestly, was she really fucking asking me about my day when she was sat here having a minor emotional breakdown? My god, people amaze me sometimes.

“We’re not talking about me right now. I want to hear you; talk to me.”

She seemed hesitant which told me that she wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t used to people giving a shit and that tore my heart in two, of course, I’d never show her that it hurt me so bad, but everyone deserves to have someone to ask if you’re okay, especially someone like her.

She began to quitely cry again, tears sliding down her cheeks as she zoned her gaze in her lap once again.

Shakely, I moved my hand to her chin, propping it up so she would look at me and show me who she was.

Who she really fucking was.

She leaned her cheek into my touch and let out a long breath. She was relaxing, finally.

“They just hurt me so much Elliot. I hate them so much, but they’re my parents, and you can’t hate your own parents can you?”

By now she was back to crying her eyes out as she choked out her words, to which I wrapped my arms around her cold frame and pulled her into my chest. She was shaking and crying so hard and loud and it made a single tear slide down my own cheek.

She didn’t deserve this. She worked so hard and listened to everyone elses problems when this was her on the inside. She was silently crying out for help and I didn’t even notice it.

How could i fucking miss this?

The best reaction i could come up with, that I remembered my father doing to me when I was a young boy, was to rock her gently back and forth and whisper ‘shh’ repeatedly to ease her mind.

Maybe mustering up some sweet words would work to?

“Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore, okay?” She nodded against my chest, but continued to sob and I figured I would let her.

We all deserve a good, long, hard cry every now and again to empty out ourselves that way we could prepare for all the other bullshit life throws our way and then slowly start to refill again until we are back to sobbing on our friends couch again, but for now, this was what she needed and I’d be a god damn liar if I said i didn’t want to be what she needed right now.

#rami malek #elliot alderson #rami malek imagine #rami malek x reader #mr robot #rami malek fic #writing prompt

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captnstan · 5 years

Text

sooooo i just watched Endgame and.... yikes yikes yikes, what the fuck was that, spoilers and messy rant under the read more!!! it’s also anti-tony, just in case!

so first of all the movie was way too fucking long, like only the last 45 minutes are interesting, the first two hours feel like they are padding run time, which of course they have to do since they want to make a movie in two parts to get that cash money, because im sure that disney is really struggling to get money lol!

so that movie was almost 3 hours and ob-vious-ly about 1:45 was dedicated to rdj, his lines, or seeing him, and goddamn i hate his goddamn face, i dont want to ever see him again, at first hes like this is your fault steve! we should have done what i did in the first place, so ultron then, which if i remember correctly didnt go so well, then 5 years later dude’s got a kid, of course, and hes like noooooooooooooo i dont want to help im fine now then boom he’s the hero that’s gonna pull everyone together, while thor has become like not even a shadow of himself? i didnt even recognize him ,mentally not physically, even though that was v v v v strange to see him like, so out of character, defeated and everything, thats not the thor i know

also what the hell happened to banner, it was so weird seeing the hulk interact like that it felt so cartoonish??

natasha’s death was so funny to me, like she really dies like a dog, completely forgotten while tony has the huuuuge funeral, and he gets to be THE HERO, because of course he has to be, he’s a martyr he saved the planet on his own and why not just make like a huge statue of him and worhsip him every sunday while were at it? but SHE doesnt deserve shit apparently, just a few lines in passing, despite the fact that without her none of this would have happened it felt like a repeat of gamora’s death, like the sexism, as always is, off the charts, oh btw why did she sacrifice herself? for clint? the whitest piece of bread in existence? really? i have to laugh, i love seeing ladies dying for the sake of that one bland ass potatoe sack looking dude, love it! (can you feel the sarcasm?)

so the only good scenes in all of this garbage was when they all come together at the end, when they slowly appear and steve is standing on his own ready to battle by himself, that was amazing, and when he uses Mjolnir that was dope and i got chill (although i can understand if thor’s stans didn’t like it, i get it 100% but i’m a steve stan first so i loved it), wanda’s fight scene was cool too but waaaay too short

so let’s talk about the NAIL in the coffin goddamnit, steve coming back old af and that hetero ass bullshit ending, listen i don’t understand why it was sam that came to see steve at the end? and not bucky? i just don’t fucking get it? like listen sam is a cool guy and i like the character, but we’ve had close to zero scene with bucky despite their like 90 years of shared experience? like what the fuck? they shared so much and we don’t even get an ending to their relationship, also soooo he cares more about peggy , who he spent like what, months? together when they were young? but his childhood best friend he doesn’t even say goodbye to? the guy who was brainwashed for 70 years and got his memory back by seeing steve? give me a fucking break

they just pissed on everything that made steve a good character and just gave him like motivating speeches and lines and thats it, jesus what happened to my little guy from brooklyn who wanted to fight nazis because it was the right thing to do?

he doesn’t even get to die as a hero, he dies as a fucking old ass dude, i guess only iron man get a triumphant ending right!

honestly again all of this was fucked up because of the russos and everyone at marvel is constantly humping rdj’s leg, it leads to bad fucking writing, and zero resolution and im disgusted

also i wanted to see valkyrie ( i gasped when she appeared on the horse, i loved it so much), T’challa and Shuri in action and they both have what 34 second of screentime? and not even a speaking line for Shuri, or anyone else really, like goddamn there was so much fucking tony in that movie there was no time for anyone else I guess!

also the time travel thing , i hate that trope so already it wasnt gonna work for me, but it was confusing and badly done, like are you telling me that when steve came back in time he was letting bucky get tortured and brainwashed for 70 years? like i get that the russos aint that smart to think about it but like, they should!

and where the hell is loki? he just bailed? the fuck?, and the entire movie was written with the ass anyways, and every joke landed flat, and god nothing was right with that movie, nothing, execpt the scene i mentionned above and that lasted like 3 minutes into such a long ass movie

oh also, that was hilarious how we find clint in japan, killing asian people because of his angst, loooooved it, amazing how marvel only hires asian to get them killed by the white man, with their own weapon too!, but i guess theyre not racist since they have mantis, who’s asian! but wait she has to be colored in paint, no one can knooow she’s asian, like ... fuck off marvel, fuck off!

so here’s the movies that i consider canon: captain america 1 & 2, black panther,the thor movies, and i guess the first avenger? but thats it lol, the rest i dont care about

in conclusion: a big fat yikes! and i kinda want to throw up now, and the russos can choke :)

#mine #text #endgame spoilers #spoilers #im too old for this shit

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angstybadboytrash · 5 years

Text

||Voice of Treason|| Chapter 8

[DABI X OC]

Summary: Hanako Yamada is tired of living in her brother’s shadow, so when an old friend comes back into her life, she can’t help but take a chance and make a new name for herself alongside the League of Villains.

Chapter: | Masterlist |

A/N: Hello friends! Here is another chapter. I’m gonna be honest l didnt even know where this was going to go when I started this chapter but this seemed like the only possible ending. Don’t hate me please! I promise that things will get bette just bear with me! I honestly don’t know if anyone is reading this but I have dreams lol

Please please please like and comment because I would really enjoy some feedback on this.

Reblog to be put on the tag list

Tags: @fridgesbestfriend @princedabi @nightkidd-hd @gaylemonsmutfluff @dark-eyed-dream @sweetycue @aarinisreading

It was silent on what was supposed to be a battlefield. The only thing heard was the crunch of rubble under the boots of failed heroes. Concerned glances were shared between comrades as they struggled to figure out what had just happened. All Might was the first to break the silence.

“Woods, Mt. Lady. Search the building. Bring me anything you think would assist in finding their new location.” The young Pros nodded and headed off to gather intel.

“Endeavor. Do you have any idea who that boy was who stood with Hana? He seemed to know you and Hana mimicked you. Is there anything you want to share?” All Might crossed his arms infront of his chest. Endeavor was still in shock and was completely zoned out into the distance as every memory from that cursed day hit him at once.

“Hey dad, I need to talk to you about something. I need your advice.” A baby faced, fresh out of UA Touya Todoroki stood infront of his fathers desk. He was busy filling out papers from that days incident and he was already irritated. He glanced up at his son and gave him a look that said ‘go on’.

“Okay well you see, um, I have been dating Hana for a while now and I think, um, I think I want to-“

“Break up with her? Good idea son. I fully support it.” Enji cut his son off without even looking up. He had never really supported Touya and Hana because he would have preferred his son to marry a girl with a powerful quirk. Make the Todoroki name proud with strong grandchildren that could surpass him one day.

“Oh my god again with this bullshit?! No I am not breaking up with her dad. You know what never mind. I was gonna get your blessing but never fucking mind.” Touya pinched the bridge of his nose before throwing his hand away and shoving it in his pocket to match his other hand.

Enji looked up from his papers to see a very frustrated Touya. “That harlot doesn’t deserve you son. You could do so much better! Her quirk is weak and your children would be useless. You need to focus on the important task at hand. Becoming the number one hero.” He stood from his desk and slowly made his way around the edge of it. When he reached the center of it he leaned back to sit on it and crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to intimidate his son.

Touya’s face became so flushed with anger that his face was almost the same shade of red as his hair. Endeavor was right infront of him now and he was pissed. How dare he talk about his beloved that way? He didn’t give a shit about becoming number one, he just wanted to be with the woman he loved.

“Fuck you. I’m not ending anything with Hana. I love her and you’re just gonna have to deal with it.” Touya pulled his hands out of his pockets to prevent his pants from catching fire. He was extremely close to setting off his quirk and he was gonna lose it if another asshole remark came out of his father’s mouth.

“Have you really not learned a single thing from me? You’re an idiot Touya. You don’t love her she’s just a distraction and you need to end it.” Enji stood his ground and he wasn’t going to let this relationship slide any longer. He had already found a suitable bride for his son he just need to get him to end it with Hana.

“No she isn’t! You wouldn’t know shit about love. I don’t think you love mom, or literally any of your children! You’re just a fucking sperm donor to this family. I’m gonna ask Hana to marry me and nothing’s gonna stop me.” Touyas hand lit aflame he pointed an accusatory finger at his father. He was practically boiling with anger and he was sick of this bullshit.

“No son of mine will ever marry trash like Hanako Yamada! You’re forbidden.” Enji scoffed at his sons ignorance and that just made Touya angrier. This conversation was over and he was leaving.

“You can’t stop me from doing shit. I’m marrying her. I knew getting your blessing was bullshit. Goodbye.” Touya turned and went to leave but he didn’t even make it two steps before a ball of hellflame blasted him into the large oak door. He feel to his knees and rushed to his feet and raised his arms in an X to attempt to block the blow he knew was coming.

Endeavor didn’t throw a punch like he usually did, instead he grabbed both of Touya’s forearms. Hellfire licked its way up Touya’s jacket sleeves, burning the clothing and the flesh underneath. Touya screamed out in pain as his flesh surely scarred, he threw his head to the side so he wouldn’t have to look at his father while silent tears slipped down his cheeks.

“Don’t you DARE walk away from me ever again. I won’t tolerate behavior like this and you’ll be punsished for it. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be trash just like her and then she won’t even want you. Look at me! Do you hear me?!” Endeavor let go of one of Touya’s arms to grab his chin and forced him to look at him. The flesh of his cheeks burned under the heat of his dim hellflame. More tears poured down Touya’s cheeks as he tried to swallow his sobs.

“Hero’s don’t cry. You’re pathetic. Just like her.” Enji removed his hand from Touya’s chin so that he could place his pointer and pinky fingers directly under Touya’s eyes, burning away the tears and flesh. Touya was brutally scarred both mentally and physically. Touya blasted Endeavor back with the arm he let go of and he ran from the office, and he ran from the house and then he ran a little further from the town he used to call home. He ran from Hana, and he ran from his past self because now he was scarred, and ugly, and he was a monster.

Enji was the reason his son looked like that and he was the reason why they had a funeral because he didn’t think Touya would survive those injuries. He was the reason why his son dissappeared for two years. He was the reason why his son became a villain because he didn’t want him to marry the girl he loved. This was all his fault.

“Endeavor? Endeavor? Enji!” All Might’s voice shook him from his memory. He was dazed and confused and now extremely upset with himself. He shook his head in an an attempt to shake away the thoughts.

“I’m sorry what?” Endeavor turned to look at a very concerned All Might.

“I asked you a question. Do you know the boy who was with Hana? We need to confirm his identity but no one is sure.” All Might still stood with his arms crossed against his chest. Before Enji could respond, Kamui Woods and Mt. Lady approached them with two peices of paper in hand.

“They didn’t leave anything behind. But we did find these on one of the beds up stairs.” My. Lady handed over the papers to All Might.

“All Might! Did you find anything in the building?” Eraserhead seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and behind him trailed a very numb Present Mic. His face was flushed from crying and he honestly looked like shit but who can blame him, his sister was gone. He was extremely zoned out and wasn’t paying attention at all.

“Woods and Mt. Lady found these letters. I was about to read them.” Eraserhead nodded to the man and he began to read the first letter.

“Sorry not sorry,

If you’re reading this you now know that I am no longer Hanako Yamada, but I am the Sound Villain Decible. Which is really cool and you can’t say it’s not because it is. Anyway, sorry for the scare but honestly I have been so much happier in the last year than I ever was. Surprise but it turns out that Touya isn’t dead! I’m literally so fucking happy with him and I just wanted you guys to know that I am safe and sound. And Bakugou is too. He’s not as bad as everyone thinks he is but he will be a very valuable asset to the League.

Bye forever, talk to you never 🖤

Decible”

“Well at least there’s something for family, and if we know anything about Hana, she’s gonna keep Bakugou safe.” Mt. Lady sighed deeply knowing that Mic was struggling to keep his composure.

“You’re right. And now we know that this ‘Dabi’ character’s name might be Touya. Here’s the next note.”

“Fuck you Endeavor,

Long time no talk. I heard you declared me dead but hey guess what, I’m still alive. I’m coming for you old man and guess what, I’m gonna fucking do it. I’m gonna do the thing you hated most. I’m finally gonna ask her and it’s gonna be amazing. I love her with all my heart. I hope you have a shitty life and that you vividly remember the pain you caused me. You’re the reason I look like this and I can’t wait to see the news report on “Pro-Hero Endeavor is abusive according to family and he brutally scarred his son so badly he became a villain.” I can’t wait to see you dig yourself out of this hole. Say hi to mom for me and tell my siblings I’m living my best life.

Once again fuck you,

Dabi”

Endeavor sighed and ran both of his hands down his face before putting them on his hips. He turned on his heel to face away from the other pros. He had hoped that he had covered up his mistake by declaring him dead but that would have been too easy. Now this was just the beginning of shit show that Enji was going to have to go through because of his mistake. Everything was at stake and he was going to have to pay the consequences.

“Endeavor, I wasn’t going to say anything but this letter confirms it. Dabi is Touya Todoroki isn’t he?” Kamui Woods spoke up from behind him. Kamui had his suspicions from the first letter but now he knew the truth. He had know Touya from school and now that he knew his father was the reason for his disappearance, he wanted justice for Touya. He was the reason why Touya became the Villain Dabi.

Endeavor turned halfway to look at the young pro before let out a deep breath. “Sadly, yes...” Endeavor pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He still couldn’t believe what had just unfolded infront of him. His son Touya was still alive, he was a villain, and he was still going to marry Hana. Honestly, it was the worst news he had ever received.

“In this letter he claims you were the one to brutally scar him, is that true? He also said he was finally gonna do it, the thing you hated most? What is that?” All Might folded the letter up for safe keeping in case Endeavor tried to get it.

“The scars were... an accident. He wouldn’t listen to me! He- he was just soooo persistent on asking that disgrace to marry him and I was completely against it. He didn’t care and claimed it was love. I thought it was foolish and a distraction.” Endeavor was slowing getting frustrated as he thought of the past memory. His flame got hotter and brighter in response.

“You can’t brutally scar someone on accident. How do we know you didn’t do it on purpose.” Shoto Aizawa spoke up. Something wasn’t sitting right with him and he wanted to know the real truth.

“I was doing what was best for him! If he married her he would never become number one!” Endeavor glared at the pro who had started crossing a line.

“How would you know? He never even got the chance. You can’t punish a child for loving something, that’s just cruel.” Aizawa was glaring at Enji with a burning hatred. He knew that if he pushed his buttons hard enough, he would confess.

“He didn’t love her! It was lust. It was a distraction that lasted too long. I should have ended it from the beginning but he was persistent and refused. It was infuriating.” The heat of Endeavor’s flame continued to rise. Anger was boiling in his stomach.

“Why did you want him to end it so badly? Were you going to force him into a loveless quirk marriage like you did? When you told him and he refused, he disobeyed your orders so you punished him for standing up for his own happiness, didn’t you?” Aizawa struck a cord and he knew it. His quirk was activated in a flash and dodged to the side catching Enji’s fist in his scarf.

“Did I get it right?” Aizawa had gotten his proof. It was a confession but it was enough. He had witnesses and letters as evidence.

Endeavor was about to explode he was so angry. “I did what was best for him! I am his father and I know what’s best for him and marrying that bitch was not what was best! This is all her fucking fault! She corrupted my son and she’s gonna pay!!!”

“Enji Todoroki, you’re under arrest for domestic abuse, child abuse, and attempted murder. Anything you say can and will be held against you.”

#dabi #dabi is a todoroki #dabi x oc #dabi x reader #league of villians #voice of treason #all might #endeavor #present mic #mt. lady #kamui woods #toshinori yagi #enji todoroki #yamada hizashi #eraserhead #aizawa shota #todoroki shouto

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tvdamonelena4ever · 6 years

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It Had To Be Her.

A Jessica Jones Season 2 Ending Analogy

SPOILER ALERT, PLEASE JUST SKIP OVER THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS.

"It didn't have to be you" but that was a lie.

The best twist of that iconic line, “it didn’t have to be you”, is that it had to be Trish, there was no other option. A quick summary, TLDR, Jessica was pretty much brainwashed by her 'mom’ and could not understand all the damage she was doing to not just her life but to everyone's lives by keeping her alive. That woman stopped being her mom the very moment Karl experimented on her and gave her so many defects that she VERY CLEARLY could not handle.

So lets talk Alisa, people can and will claim that she was still Jess' mom because of all the memories but I just can’t agree with that because there's a lot of evidence that goes against that. Even with all those memories and her apparent 'Love’ for Jessica (which btw if you look back it wasn’t really there much at all. It was always Karl over her own daughter) it did not matter, she could only barely and in some instances control her monstrous nature that Karl created and that was only when Jess was with her and even that took time to try and control, so Jess was really supposed to be shackled 24/7 to something that used to be her mom, to try and keep her, a very dangerous mass murderer, in check!??? The terribly sad truth was that her mom did die in that car crash and what was brought back was just a shell with the memories of a previous life, her trying to be that woman and using the voice of who used to be Jess’ mom.

Let's go in depth with that voice, that is where all of Jessica’s control and rationality starts to kind of rapidly disappear, that voice is what got into Jessica’s head, she said in 2x08 she doesn’t see her mom when she looks at her but she hears her through her voice, that is what pretty much brainwashed Jess and made her lose all sense of rationality, choice, control etc, in my opinion, the second half of this season was Jessica being controlled by another Killgrave, another monster but this one wore her mother’s face and had her mother's voice and that was all too powerful of an emotional connection to her past for Jess to break free from. Jess wanted so badly to believe her mom was still there but she just wasn’t, Jess literally wanted to drop the case and forget everything that her 'mom’ did, all the murders etc. that we saw in the first 7 episodes and even continued to see afterwards because she really wanted that to be her mom, she wanted to believe that she got a second chance with her mom.

Now let’s talk about Trish a bit, while I can’t entirely defend Trish with a lot of the choices she made I can see why she made some of them. The inhaler drug was a split between Trish just giving into the high kind of feeling that she had fallen into before but it was also abour her wanting to be able to help Jessica more, she wanted to be Jess' sidekick and she believed who she was wasn't enough. Next, when Jess first told Malcolm and Trish about 'her mom’ Trish could immediately tell that Jess wasn’t herself, she knew that Jess was probably not going to be able to see clearly and break through this hold her 'mom’ had gotten on her, even with how strong Jess is in all aspects. I can see that was part of, definitely not the only reason, but partly why Trish wanted powers and kidnapped Karl to achieve them. Yes Trish did have some selfish intentions there, I know that but part of her intent was to stop Jess’ mom, in 2x12 Trish admits Jessica is the only one who can put her down, that was really the only option despite the illusion of choice the writers showed us. So what happens when Jess tries to finally do what had to be done? Jess still couldn’t do it because she still wanted that to be her mom, it really wasn’t but she still wanted to believe it was.

So 2x13, the episode that really ties this all together nicely, this was such a crazy episode and I want to dive into this a little bit because once I watched it I was able to see what I believe the writers were establishing all season. Again this is my opinion, I think they were trying to make us believe that Alisa(?) could be redeemed, showing that illusion of choice time and time again but whenever they did that it was always by showing it through Jess’ perspective. From any other angle you wouldn’t feel a thing for her, look at how rational and how right Pryce was, i hated the guy but he had no connection to her and he told Jess what she needed to do. Now look back the first 7 episodes and how much different Jess and us, the audience, reacted to this mass murderer but in the back half of this season you mostly only see Alisa through her daughter (a daughter who lost her whole family far too young and truly just wanted a second chance with any of them) they try to make you feel sorry for Alisa, try to make you feel for Jess and the loss of her family and the apparent finding of her 'mom', and they want to make you think Alisa could somehow be redeemed but that was never the case and that was never there intention. So 2x13, this was the best this beast got, but not even saving that family could redeem her, she was doing that for selfish reasons like wanting Jess to stay with her, shackled to her in hopes that she could remain in check but that just isnt possible and then near the end of 2x13, we actually do see Alisa, the real Alisa, truly come back to life and be Jess' mom one last time, because she does such a selfless act and it’s the one thing Jessica couldn’t do, accept that who Alisa is now can’t stay alive, not as this monster that Karl created, she finally shows a bit of love for Jess by not wanting to ruin her entire life just for her to have to try and keep a beast in check. I will come back to the very end but first I want to explore the episodes that led up to this a bit more to show some crucial things.

First, let’s look at when she surrended and was in jail, that seemed to be selfless and a honest move to try and reconnect with Jess right? Wrong because she would still continue to protect the person that made her a monster, that was her selfish intent and bargaining chip for Jess to have visitation rights. Yes she got abused by a guard, and that was a bit wrong but with everything she had done it wasnt unwarranted. Anyways she doesnt just let it go and made sure Jess saw what happened, she should have been selfless here and kept this to herself but she doesn’t. Jessica Jones, who started the season saying “I’m not a murderer”, then went to this dude’s house to investigate, got caught off guard and ends the next episode by killing him, the third life she took. I'd like to also mention the extremely amazing gaurd that replaced him, what happened to her? You all saw it and you know she didnt deserve that. So back to Jessica and who shows up in 2x11, Killgrave, there to haunt her mind but it’s not him that makes those scenes important, it’s the real meaning behind them, Jessica not in control, Jessica not being able to see clear, Jessica doing things she knows she shouldn’t be doing. This whole episode I believe was the clearest evidence to show that Jess was really struggling to have control of her actions, her emotions, her rationality, her reality etc. At the end of this episode you think she’s okay and you believe that she has gotten her control again by getting rid of the Killgrave like control that was in her head but that wasn’t the case, it was a trick. Her 'mom’ had such control over Jess that even when she repeatedly threatened Trish, Jessica could not break that hold, her 'mom’ even comes to kill Trish and her 'mom’ almost makes Jessica herself kill Trish by blocking her throat. After that you would think Jess would finally understand that there was no ther way this could end but she refuses to believe that even when Trish tells her she is the only one who can put her down, even when she has a gun pointed at her 'mom’. And that episode ends with her 'mom’ knocking her out and kidnapping her.

That just isn’t love but even with all of that Jess was still willing to become a criminal for her 'mom’, an accomplice to a mass murderer trying to escape, yes she was a mass murderer you can’t even debate that.

Let’s touch on 2x07, Her 'mom’ even murdered one of Jess’ boyfriends, one that Jess was really in love with, yet Jess barely shows any anger about that, do you remember that scene? Her 'mom’ wouldn’t even listen to what Sterling said, he was outmatched and in real danger with Jess not around, so he needed to make up a lie for those thugs to leave but Jess’ mom didnt care, didnt listen to what he was trying to say, she literally just bashed his head repeatedly into a wall. There was a reason they made us, the audience, see that truly gruesome scene.

I could examine a lot more if people want me too but let’s jump to the most controversial spot. THE SCENE.

Jess and her mom on the Ferris wheel at Playland. And yes I didn’t put marks around mom that time because this is the one instance her mom is really there, Alisa finally realizes and accepts that she needs to die, to set Jess free and let her get back to her life without being shackled to a beast, a monster, that she can’t control and will take over again soon. But even here, Jess still won’t let her go and gets in too, At this point, with the info they know the police have classified Jessica as an acomplise to a mass murderer. If they would have caught Jess with her mom alive in that ride she would have saw the police murder her mom, they may have been brutal about it too, taking there time, etc. Jess would then be arrested as a criminal and possibly even charge her with all the murders her 'mom’ commited because she did not stop her and even went as far as to help her, hide her, and run away with her.

This is why it had to be Trish Walker, Jessica’s best friend who knows her better than anyone else and needed to save her from herself, just like Jess saved Trish from herself in the past, aka 2x07. With Trish being the one to kill the struggling shell of Alisa she saved Jessica in a lot of ways. Trish prevented Jess from being a criminal and arrested as one, Trish saved Jess from throwing away her whole PI career, Trish saved Jess from her mistakes. Mistakes that she didn’t even know she was making until the trigger was pulled. That’s when Jess got her control back, you could see how angry and hurt Jess was, you thought she snapped and was going to seriously hurt Trish and yet she couldn’t because she held back and controlled herself. In the aftermath of what is a tragedy to Jessica is when she comes back to the reality of her life and finally sees that she couldn’t just throw away everything she worked so hard for, her job, her life, even her potential relationship with Oscar, (Full Disclosure, I need to admit I am 100% Trishica trash but I do actually like Oscar and I think it’s a part of the story they need to tell) before she was too scared to open up to him and really let him into her life, even when he tried to stop Jess from leaving with a mass murderer to stay with him and his son because they both really like her but she still didn’t listen, she couldn’t stay. In the aftermath though Jess now knows she needs to open up to them, she can’t hold on to the past, she had to face her past and with Trish's help (even when she didnt want it) she overcame it and got closure, yes in a harsh way but that's what she needed to move on. Jess now knows that she needs to keep living her life and let some people in. That whole sweet ending with Jess, Oscar and Vido is all thanks to Trish Walker, if not for Trish Jess would have been arrested, convicted and thrown in jail for life with no bail for the crimes she became a part of when she was basically brainwashed under the illusion that she had got her mom back.

That is why it had to be her, why it had to be Trish Walker. Jess might not want to understand or forgive her but I’m sure she will in time, because Trish Walker stepped up to be the hero that Jessica needed.

If you read all this thank you again, I appreciate it so much and I am willing to hear what you all think, to politely debate about it or whatever.

P.S. Just look at them! Even in their dark times

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kkkkansas · 3 years

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R.I.P K4nsas_

We can all agree by now that I've been far from a good person in life i think ..... actually i know a lot of you know that whether you know me personally or not I've done a lot of wrong in my life since having paisley i use to share my life with the world and the more I’ve focused on myself this year the more things i was blinded to have opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Being a young mom i taught myself to have this alpha energy always feeling like the world was against me or worried about my every move i was so young trying to teach myself how to be a mom and survive without my parents they threw me to the wolfs when i needed them the most on top of never really having a mom i didnt know how to be one myself i always grew up bouncing school to school being expelled for fighting , because it was the only way i knew how to express any type of feeling i had.

i don’t write this for a sob story but mainly because this last year has really been a roller coaster for me maturing and realizing my past trauma the things i lacked as a child the type of parent i dont want to be and realizing i have some toxic qualities myself whether its in the role of a mom or a friend. i really lack being a emotional support for anyone even my kids that alone was a big pill to swallow. Because i always live my life feeling like if you do something and i dont like it im either gonna over dominate your or cut you without explanation no matter how bad it hurt you because i didnt owe you a damn thing, i didn’t grow up in a house hold that had patience and healthy communication, i grew up with a mom that screamed and threw things at us put her hands on my siblings and believe it or not i was the child that would get screamed at for always wanting to lay up in my room and listen to music then to be around my mom my life was built around angry people (and i really believe thats why i strive to be the outgoing friend that doesn't care to dwell on negative life things). it is sad as fuck to even say these things about my own mom i would never want my kids to speak of me the way i speak of my mother and granted she was a single mom and tried to give us the world it is just the reality of my life that molded me into thinking that is OK to be angry and unable to express my feelings correctly on top of always wanting to over dominate anyone in my way.

but as I’ve gotten older i grew tired of being angry and ugly. i found peace the second i stopped allowing people to talk down to me just to turn around and point a finger and cry when i returned the same energy, i taught myself to pick my battles with a lot of shit and its not easy i haven't perfected it but I’ve came a far way this past year, i wish i learned these things sooner then later. because i have rubbed people the wrong way with the lack of knowledge and the toxic environment i was raised in. there are things i did that hurt people that i don’t remember and that mind blow me when i hear them, i was so young so lost with so much hurt and anger i hid it threw the drinking and I’m to a point in my life that i have accepted every part of me that failed my image but it also made me who i am today.

so if you’ve gotten this far in this cringe of a blog i just want you to know if i ever crossed your path in life and some how left a toll so big that you remember me for my wrong i would like to apologize for any and everything i did to ruin our friendship because if we were ever friends chances are we had a great fucking time together there’s not a single person i wasn’t friends with and don’t look or think back to all the good times we had together. i am sorry that i was your spiral friend that was a young mom that didn’t know what the fuck i was doing in my life but i thank you for still riding that part of my life with me and bringing me joy in the darkest most confusing time in my life as a child. i hope as time goes on you can understand how hard it was for me as a kid to not notice all these unhealthy behaviors about myself and that the time i took apart from this world truly helped me to understand and fix these things about myself it wasn’t easy to face any of these truth’s but i am happier then i’ve ever been i am at peace and if you choose to keep me at a distance and still love me please know that i understand and I’ve always loved you from afar and wanted all you to win and to continue to win, it’s really amazing to be at this point in my life and to those who have stayed by me threw all my seasons i know it was a hell of a ride to finally get to this part of my life ill never be able to thank you enough for believing i would get to this chapter of me that i craved so badly . If anyone deserves to witness this new chapter of life with me it is you.

And if you still want to choose to completely fucking hate me and hold my old imagine in-front of this person i worked so hard to become then you can completely 110% yes 110% do that too! you choose what is worth holding anger and animosity towards in your life time and if you feel that my past is worth holding onto then by all means feel free.

But if i could have you take one thing from this would be to please teach your kids the things your parents didn’t whether you struggle with expressing yourself or trusting people and to never give up on your kids when they need you most just because they made a mistake in life no matter how big or small how angry or disappointed please always be open to understand your kids are only human and when they fail is when they need you to love them the most.

thanks for reading friends

R.I.P that beeezy K4nsas_

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wildgeese2017 · 3 years

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i dont know whether i want to hav sex with her like if i cud. i think that shes into me she smiles at me and she seeks me out and she laughs at my jokes and compliments my outfits? ive known her so long and i trust her kindness. i think shes cool and sweet and interesting and like she really listens to what i say and is childish like me like she isnt embarrased to act weird and silly and get excited about little things. she seems like she wants to be around me. and i hav convinced myself that i like her. for years shes been my go to crush. its just when i imagine being touched it makes me feel weird?? i know shes had gay sex b4 i think shes hot and pretty and i love her style. i wouldnt mind touching her but the thought of someone touching me in that way scares me i worry that it would repulse me. but i want it so bad. i want her to kiss me and rough me up a bit push her fingers into my thighs u kno stuff like that , is that what attraction is? my relationship to my sexuality and body even is so warped and abstract at this point so disconnected from what reality can offer me. i think she is closer than most people to what i cud actually even attempt to experience something with tho. like she gets me im afraid of men so women make me feel safer to try stuff with i only hav experience w girls anyway not that its actually substantial or like in that romantic serious context. i just i want to be wanted so badly i know that i have been at least once. i get so confused i cant possibly be that bad but noone has ever loved me for my body. i can timagine what its like to experience the reverse. sure i am granted the privilege of not bein specifically disliked automatically for my body but it isnt worth much more as social currency beyond basic decency (which everyone deserves but doesn’t get). maybe i need to be less in my head. but im scared ill try intimacy with her and i wont like it . and that will mean a few possible things which would fuck me up and scar my self perception. firstly, it could mean that im not capable of normal intimacy that i am really genuinely fucked in the head like the rabbit hole i fell down when i was 11 genuinely messed me up like i gave into some evil shameful thing inside me when i was a child and now i can never be acceptable normal healthy or loved securely. second it cud mean i dont actually like women ive been playing as part of the lgbtq community this whole time how can i face myself or my friends being straight is shameful to me its so lame and uncool i know this sounds so like weird and fetishistic or performative but thats exactly what im afraid of i dont want to see myself like this i wasnt ready to label myself but i did i labelled myself so young and now it feels scary it feels wrong for me to say i dont like it when people are like you;re bisexual right? i feel that thing when you share too much too soon like your skin is peeled off all raw and exposed. i hate that. what if im too messed up i dont know it for sure what if intimacy proves im broken. or at the very least very unique in a way that could lead me to living my life alone without partners or lovers i want so desperately to be someones favourite someone who makes me feel good when they touch me and anxious and annoyed. i want to care about someone so much. too trust someone to see my body like my weird moles and self harm scars my veins and hair and teeth i want someone to see me all of me and still decide they want me. that i am worth the effort that they would seek me out. i dont know if that will happen.

i drive myself crazy looking in the mirror in different angles wearing all these colourful frilly lacey outfits agonizing over how i must look. i make myself soft and sweet and loud and excited and loving so others will seek me out im like a duimb tropical bird and it hurts so much because it doesn’t feel like its working.

people say be true be authentic but they dont say how much it hurts to do that and not be idk rewarded? desired? like i am expressing myself and that is pushing people away even subconsciously? sure it would feel amazing for someone to see that expression and see that fragment of my inner world and think i love that i want that i want her i love her but it isnt happening not as far as i know not in a way which satisfies my lonely soul.

i just dont want to be disgusting i try so hard to smell good and look sparkly and fun and bright and loving i think the manic pixie dream girl trope really damaged my psyche

i think i like other people too i feel different when they touch me like it feels more intense more like its getting through.

as far as i can tell my type is funny, creative, nice boobs dark or curly hair usually, i like people who are kinda sad bc i think we are alike which sounds cringe but people who are just living in a way which seems at least to me in a non-judgemental way to be unexamined i just cant really relate to i cant open up to someone who wont understand. i need people to say the right things or at least say nothing and only respond with touch.

is it weird that i carry on asking myself if i was touched as a child ? like i dont htink i was but i carry on feeling like it could have happened or i convince myself i did and then i mistrust people for no reason. but something must have happened i had such messed up thoughts maybe it was all the sex on tv i watched as a really young kid my parents would show me stuff with full nudity and relatively graphic sex my relationship to modesty is confusing i think i find people more attractive with their clothes on? i just see naked people like ok? thats a body its normal i dont get porn.

one thing i regret was being drunk and telling M that i cant watch porn i like weirder stuff and she was like bdsm? and i was like no its so weird it cant be in porn but i didnt mean it like that i meant i cant just feel stuff from nudity without context and i am into weird shit i dont know why i think maybe my mums mental health issues which she projected on me im worried i was just made wrong like im just a bad seed like i was destined to want things which dont make sense. but then i consider my whole warped desire hinges on the way it could be percieved by society the way society views people and their intented state of being. i am attracted to corruption addiction to transformation to giving into desire to showing desire physically with your body in a way that everyone can see and you can no longer control.

everything in my life boils down to my relationship with control. maybe its because i felt i didnt have any control as a child. my life was shifted against my will and i have this learned helplessness both from having my needs met without asking and from having my needs ignored or at least met in a lacklustre way. but then i think who really had control as a kid? kids dont control their life they dont make the decisions that what a guardian is for ?? but maybe its because i felt as though i did have to make the decisions like i didnt have clear boundaries and i dealt with that by punishing myself for overstepping rules i made myself. bc i had no control not really it felt like nobody had control there was noone to blame so i made things up new problems i cud blame myself for or i saw the problems my parents had said to myself i have that problem too and punished myself for it with feelings or pain or exercise or silence. i couldnt trust anyone. or at least i loved people but i couldnt open up. maybe thats why im so weird and territorial i keep things secret i hide stuff in my cupboard its like i invent things to be ashamed of i create problems for myself to distract from the problems i didnt have control pver the conception of. when i think of my childhood i think of feeling bad and ashamed of myself for taking advantage of my father like he was vulnerable and all i did was take money and time from him and he was struggling so much financially but he would still spend so much on leasiure when i think of it now i realise that spending time with me and making him happy must have made him feel good i get it more now that i do that with other people but at the time i felt so guilty all the time for the price of my clothes my food my life. and my mum would always say how terrible things were with money how tired she was how stressed she was how it was affecting her body. she would talk about how much she hated her body her fat her sagging face her pale skin her poor health i asked her once what superpower she’d choose and she said i want to be healthy all the time and i was confused then but i get it now.

i just felt like i had to pretend to be happy or like i wasnt bored or the time like i didnt feel bad about how my stomach looked how yellow my teeth were how tangled my hair was the bags under my eyes and when i look back i realise no one was looking after me noone was making sure i brushed my teeth and hair twice a day i barely did it once a day i used to hate myself so much that i couldnt do my homework but nobody ever sat with me and made sure i did it past like the age of 7 . i remember feeling so scared of asking for help i remember having nightmares or being sick and standing on the landing listenning to my mother breather through her door being petrified of asking for help like she needed the sleep and i was a bad person for waking her up like i was lying and then i actually started lying bc she wud just accept it let me fester on my own in bed all day if i said i wanted to if i said it hurt too much. i just im so scared of feeling that way again of feeling so scared so tired so useless so guilty so dissapointing so stupid so dumb so shallow so selfish so unworthy so dishonest so lazy so manipulative i look back and i think how could a child have been so awful? how could i have been as bad as i thought i was? it doesnt seem possible. the point at which i became irredeemable seems to shoft forwards each year like its chasing me and i become more and more of a villain stealing a bright future from the innocent child i used to be. i used to fantasize about going back and doing it all perfectly. when people asked me about my choice of power it always had to do with avoiding the consequences of my mistakes either immortality or time travel to be able to change what i did or to be able to move on without losing my future without losing my finite time. i want to be free of these constraints that feel so self inflicted. i spend so long in these mind prisons i construct labrynths in my head and get stuck there all alone with no way of asking for help without admitting how i got there in the first place.

0 notes

jeontaeh · 3 years

Text

〚THIRTY NINE〛

Jungkook got confronted by Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon a week later.

He was in the library during the study period, listening to Dolly Parton while doing math homework. Because nothing solved calculus like some good old country music! He was halfway done when he heard a clearing of a throat.

"Jeon." A voice came abruptly, and Jungkook took his earphone out and looked up, raising his eyebrow when he saw the three boys. Namjoon in his glasses, Yoongi with his disheveled shirt sticking out of his trousers, and Hoseok looking slightly nervous.

"What?" Jungkook asked, voice flat.

With everything that had been going on so far in the school year, three of his best friends suddenly shunning him and pretending like he never existed was one of the worst. He was close to them. Maybe not how close he was to Jimin, but it still counted.

They ate lunch together every single day. Jungkook used to help Yoongi with his Chemistry assignments. Hoseok used to call Jungkook 'Kookie Boy' and always grin when Jungkook scowled. Namjoon used to help Jungkook with his English homework, always ruffling his hair afterward.

To just... ignore him like that. To completely push him away and even actively make homophobic remarks towards him. It sucked.

"We wanted to talk to you." Hoseok stated, and Jungkook saw the orange haired boy and then bit his lip.

"Okay..." Jungkook trailed and then saw Namjoon sigh. "Jungkook- we came here to apologize. About being so... rude about the gay thing."

Jungkook stilled. He looked at them with widened eyes. Hoseok nodded. "We were assholes to you. You don't deserve that, Jungkook! I've been wanting to apologize for ages, honestly. It just... it occurred to us suddenly how badly we fucked up." Hoseok mumbled.

"Why now?" Jungkook asked, and then saw Yoongi give him a look.

"Yesterday at football practice- one of the guys made a homophobic comment towards Sehun. Sehun didn't say anything, but V got really mad and yelled at everyone. Said stuff about how we were being ignorant and shouldn't make jokes like these." Yoongi said, hands in pockets.

Jungkook stilled. "Oh." Jungkook said, looking down at his notebook.

"We're sorry. Truly. Jin also kind of beat our ass." Namjoon said, and Jungkook bubbled out a giggle. "So yeah. We don't expect you to forgive us-"

"I don't. Not instantly. But- but people make mistakes. And you guys are still young, so the earlier you decide to change, the better." Jungkook said, giving the boys a small smile. Hoseok and Namjoon smiled brightly, while Yoongi just gave him a small smile. "I forgive you guys."

"Yay!" Hoseok said, and then jumped into the seat beside him, startling Jungkook. "You look bored as fuck doing maths. Let me show you this new track the three of us have been working on-" Hoseok said, taking his phone out.

"You guys do music now?" Jungkook gasped, grinning. It made him realize he hadn't had a proper conversation with them for months. Random small words exchanged during classes and football practice didn't count.

"Yeah! We rap." Namjoon said, and Jungkook giggled. "Or at least we try to." Yoongi added.

"I'm sure you're great! Let me hear it-" Jungkook said, and then got lost in mindless chatter with the boys.

///

kth_v

240 likes, 80 comments kth_v whats up broski

view comments...

eka11 change the caption instantly

jiminpark hottie thottie

eka11 @jiminpark "straight"

oohsehun wow

kth_v @oohsehun ?

minahearts you look so good 😍

eka11 v is so fucking hot

jeonjungkooks eka thats literally mex

eka11 mine too jungkook u aint special

jiminpark yall weird as fuck

jiminpark but he's hot tho mmm im straight but wow

jeonjungkooks why tf did sehun comment 'wow'

eka11 because he has eyes

jiminpark yah no offence i know u hate v or whatever but like damn must've been fun having sex with him

eka11 it really was

jeonjungkooks yeah

jeonjungkooks anyways u guys are the worst best friends why are you bringing up how good my 'ex' looks when im BOYCOTTING him

jiminpark sorry 👉🏻👈🏻

eka11 was he fun to top

jeonjungkooks i didnt?? top him?? why would i? im a Bottom 😙

jiminpark i know i saw the disposable vaginal douche in the garbage

eka11 omg i use that

jeonjungkooks omg wig

eka11 anyways wbk you're a bottom hows sehun been... is he still like 'fuck me daddy i'll be ur good little boy and take ur fat cock'

jeonjungkooks sehun has never said those words ever in his entire existence in humanity

jeonjungkooks and anyways idk we haven't had sex for a while

jiminpark 👀

jeonjungkooks like it just gets awkward so i just suck him off or something :/

eka11 no offense but why are u still dating him

eka11 he deadass cheated on u lmaooo

jiminpark didnt u cheat on like all of your boyfriends

eka11 this isnt about me

jeonjungkooks because he came over after that whole fiasco and i was crying he kind of comforted me and stuff and kept apologizing he told me that he was scared i dont like him back

jiminpark you dont

jeonjungkooks and idk i just had some fam issues so i was being mean to everyone sorry <3

eka11 its okay bby

eka11 but break up with sehun

jeonjungkooks i dont want to hurt him again! wait he texted me one sec

oohsehun babe there's a spring prom coming up omg lets go! matching clothes and all

jeonjungkooks we'll get bullied

oohsehun true

jeonjungkooks but sure sehunnie <3

oohsehun <3 <3 <3

///

"10-minute water break!" Coach announced, and the boys scurried off the field and towards the benches to go drink water. Taehyung heard him, but didn't care. He glared at the red circle on the goal post in front of him. He needed to hit the target at least once.

Taehyung hit the ball hard, fast. All the boys watched as the ball went straight towards the center of the goal, but missed the target by half an inch. The boys all gasped at how close he was, but Taehyung groaned to himself, crouching down and breathing heavily.

"V go get water. Don't exert yourself," Coach said, and Taehyung grumbled under his breath and stood up to walk over to the benches. The boys were all talking. Taehyung picked his water bottle and squeezed it tightly, squirting the water into his mouth.

"That's what good pussy tastes like."

"God, shut up." Taehyung begged Jackson, who huffed and turned away.

"Are you guys going for that Spring Prom shit?" Yoongi asked the guys, who hummed, some sounding annoyed. "Yeah. My girlfriend's making me. I rather stay in and fuck, but-"

"Tell me about it, bro. Talked to this girl one fucking time and suddenly I'm her boyfriend. She's making me go too. But we might have sex after, so I'm doing it." Another guy said.

"I'm going with Jungkook." Sehun said off-handedly, looking into space. Taehyung ignored how those simple words made it feel like someone straight up STABBED him.

"Dude... y'know ever since I've stopped thinking being gay was weird.... I realized liking dudes isn't much different than liking girls. Like, there are some dudes who are like... hella cute and shit. But I don't wanna date 'em. Y'know?" Jackson voiced. The boys snickered, some grimaced as if saying we don't know.

"You're probably just bicurious." Taehyung mumbled, and the guys looked at him, saw him wiping his sweat off with a towel. "Like you're straight but are into having sex with dudes too."

"Woah. That's a thing? Holy shit, I've been confused as fuck these past few weeks." Jackson gasped, and Taehyung hummed.

Sehun suddenly got up and left. Taehyung ignored him. He heard a gasp. "What does it mean if I like dick in my mouth?"

"You're fucking gay Bambam."

"Would you guys ever hook up with a dude? Like, for experimentation and shit?" Namjoon asked.

Jimin hummed. "Yeah. I wouldn't mind. How do I know I don't like it if I've never tried it?"

"Just like I know I wouldn't like your mom's pussy in my face."

"Fuck you."

"I guess I'd only hook up with a dude if I was really really into him. Not just like that." Mark mumbled, sounding weary.

"What about you, V?" Jin asked, looking at him. Taehyung looked at him, casually. He opened his mouth to speak. Right when he was about to-

"Guys Jungkook got us cookies," Sehun said brightly.

Taehyung didn't hear. "Nah I'd never fuck a dude. That's fucking gay, bro. I'm not into that kind of-"

Jimin coughed VERY loudly. Taehyung turned and saw Jungkook right behind him. Taehyung widened his eyes.

"Oh." Taehyung let out. Jungkook looked in disbelief. Taehyung's breath hitched. "Hey, um-"

"Seriously?" Jungkook asked, voice small. "Still?"

"Jungkook-" Taehyung tried, but Jungkook just snickered humorlessly and then moved away from Taehyung, grabbing Sehun.

"Meet me after practice." Jungkook said softly, and then kissed him on the mouth and turned around by the hell, walking away. Taehyung saw him walking away and sighed.

Jimin walked up to Taehyung after Sehun walked away, oblivious. Jimin looked at Taehyung. "How the fuck do you further fuck up something already so fucked up?"

"I don't know." Taehyung breathed out, and Jimin just shook his head, letting the boy deal with this mess himself. Taehyung saw Jungkook walk off the field as if he was disappointed, but not surprised.

"Boys, back on the field. Last one here has to take 3 laps-" Coach began, and all the boys got up and ran. Taehyung walked slowly, knowing he'd end up doing laps anyway because he stays back after practice to practice more these days.

"Okay boys. We've been target practicing to perfect our kick. And, I'll be honest, ya'll suck." Coach said, and the boys hung their heads low. "Like WOW. None of you hit the target even ONCE."

Taehyung pushed past the group of boys huddled in a circle and faced the open goal post which had the red circle in front of it. Still? Jungkook's words rang in his head. Taehyung saw the ball in front of it, and then took a few steps back.

Taehyung clenched his jaw and locked his ankle, eyes boring into the ball in front of him. He took a chaste step forward, hitting his planter foot to the right of the ball. His foot needed to control how the ball moved, rather than letting the ball control his foot-

Taehyung kicked the ball forcefully, feeling the power gliding smoothly down his calf to his foot as it merged with the ball and sent it spiralling towards the net. It hit the target perfectly.

The boys saw that and started clapping and shouting, some telling the coach that he took the L. Coach watched Taehyung and smirked, and Taehyung turned around and saw the boys.

"You're seriously as good as the pros," Youngjae said excitedly.

"We're so going to win our next match!" Hoseok said, jumping up and down.

Sehun suddenly shouted. Everyone froze and looked at him. Sehun groaned, putting his hands on his face.

"What're you doing, Coach?" Sehun asked, voice low. "Why'd you make me Captain?" Sehun asked wearily. Everyone widened their eyes, and Taehyung tensed.

"You alright kid?" Coach asked, and Sehun shook his head. He shook his head and then reached his hands behind his back and took his jersey off. He took the red material off and then chucked it on the floor.

"I don't want to be captain anymore. Not when V's clearly so much fucking better than me. It's not fair to him nor to the team." Sehun snapped, and Taehyung was frozen, eyes wide.

"Oh." Taehyung breathed out. Sehun was shirtless now, and breathed heavily. "I don't want to take something away from someone if it clearly belongs to them. And the position of Captain clearly belongs to you," Sehun said, and picked his jersey up and handed it to Taehyung.

"This is... really. Really fucking sick, dude." Taehyung said softly, in awe. "Fuck. I could kiss you right now." Taehyung grumbled to himself.

"R-really?" Sehun asked, eyes growing wide, glittering, cheeks turning a bit pink. Taehyung frowned at that.

"What? No. It was a fucking hyperbole- anyways! Thank you, Sehun. But I don't think Coach can-" Taehyung began, and then he heard a groan.

"Come on, coach! V should be Captain again! He's nice now, too! He apologised to Youngjae."

"He did WHAT?! Holy shit, he has changed!" Coach gasped, and then looked at Taehyung, who was gulping. "Look, kid. I have to discuss this with the principal-"

"Becoming Captain would help me get into a good school, coach." Taehyung said softly, hands coiled, eyes big. He reminded the coach of the kid he met four years ago, with ruffled brown hair and big brown saddened eyes, just sticking through because of the determination and passion he had for football.

"Jeez. Okay, um- I'll hold a vote tomorrow. After discussing it with the principal." Coach promised, patting Taehyung's back. "Now get back to practice!"

Taehyung smiled, and looked at Sehun, snickering. "You taking your shirt off was useless, by the way. This jersey has your name on it. Plus I still have my Captain's jersey-"

"It still made the statement though- you can't deny that." Sehun said, and then tugged his jersey back on.

"Thanks." Taehyung mumbled, looking away. He could never looked someone in the eyes while saying something nice to them.

"No problem. Consider it an apology for what I did... before." Sehun mumbled, and then chuckled awkwardly and ran away, flustered. Taehyung sighed to himself, coiling his fists.

I'm in love with your boyfriend, Taehyung wanted to shout out. But he didn't. Instead, he felt something. Certain confident courage he'd always had coursing through his veins.

///

"I'm sorry," Taehyung said two days later to Jungkook, who he found alone in the washroom, standing in front of the mirror.

"I'm not the person you should be apologizing to." Jungkook said softly, and then turned around and walked away- and that was the only interaction they had.

And then two days after that, Taehyung lifted his head up and saw Jungkook standing in front of his food table.

"Yourself. Apologize to yourself." Jungkook stated simply. Taehyung was confused, but Jungkook turned around and left, leaving him like that, with only those few words to hang on by.

The week passed like that. With a certain fog in Taehyung's mind. He thought about what Jungkook said. Apologize to yourself. He didn't quite understand. He wanted to know more, but Jungkook did tell him to leave him alone.

Taehyung saw Jungkook by the lockers and walked up to him, opening the locker beside him (even though it was Yoongi's, but, whatever) and hesitated.

"Why can't things go back to normal?" Taehyung asked aloud.

"I don't know what normal is with you." Jungkook said, and then walked past him. Taehyung closed his locker in front of him, leaning against it and sighing out.

Their next conversation was the night before the prom.

"Will you ever forgive me for hurting you?" Taehyung asked, standing by the water fountain. Jungkook was also by the water fountain, and Taehyung saw his fingers tighten around the ceramic sink.

"I already have." Jungkook breathed out softly, and then leaned down to the water fountain to get water between his pretty lips.

"Why're you with Sehun?" Taehyung asked, puzzled, leaning against the pillar which was attached to the water fountain/

"I like him."

"You don't."

"You sound quite certain for someone who's so shit with their feelings." Jungkook said sharply, and then brought his head up to look at Taehyung, who had a blank expression on his face. "Sorry," Jungkook said quicker, turning around and walking away, again.

The night of the prom arrived.

Taehyung stood in front of his mirror, looking at himself. He was wearing a white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, making his veins prominent. Along with that, he wore black trousers. It was simple, but honestly, he was only going because Yoongi promised he'd give him weed after.

He heard a sharp knock on the door. Taehyung was confused as to who would come to his dorm, and opened the door, and saw Eka and Jimin. Taehyung's eyebrow rose at them.

"You guys look good. Shit, is it so fancy?" Taehyung asked, annoyed. Eka was wearing a tight silver dress, short and lifting her boobs up, her eyeliner sharp and lipstick black. Jimin had his hair swept back, showing his forehead. He was wearing a red suit.

"It is. You're not wearing that." Eka said, turning Taehyung around and pushing him into his bedroom.

"I literally don't give a fuck about this prom. I'm single and sad and want to get high." Taehyung protested.

"What the fuck is on your head," Jimin stated while looking up at Taehyung. Taehyung sighed. "It's a Gucci headband. I like wasting my dad's money."

"Understandable. Put this on." Eka said, having opened Taehyung's closet and taken out a black suit jacket. She handed it to Taehyung, who rolled his eyes and shrugged the suit jacket on.

"Here." Jimin said, picking out a Rolex watch from his desk and handing it to him. Taehyung wrapped it around his wrist, and then snickered to himself. "What?" Jimin asked, and Taehyung shook his head.

("You look hot as fuck in a suit." Jungkook said, eyes wide as he wrung his fingers around Taehyung's wrist. "C-can you fuck me with it on?"

"I can and I will.")

"Nothing. Just reminiscing the past." Taehyung said, and Eka huffed. "Dramatic bitch. Now come on." Eka said, walking out of Taehyung's dorm.

"You look hot as fuck, Eka." Taehyung said, putting his hands in his pocket. "In a friend kinda way."

"Thanks. I know." Eka said, and Taehyung snickered. Jimin eyed him and glared. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

They walked to the sports hall, where the Spring Prom was taking place. The student council went overboard with this Prom stuff. Decorating the hallways weeks before. Putting big banners which said 'SPRING PROM!' on them. Announcing it every goddamn day on the speakers.

When they walked into the sports hall, they saw it completely decorated. The sides of the walls were lined with paper mache trees which had pink blossoms on it. It looked pretty. Taehyung couldn't remember what the room looked like before, in fact. The tables on the side were lined with food and drinks. No alcohol, but someone always snuck it in. Teachers stood by the side, talking to themselves and looking around to make sure no one was doing anything wrong. There was a stage against the wall, some music nerds standing on it, playing music for the event. Everyone who went to the school was there, practically. People were dancing, talking with their friends, or just having a good time.

"Wow," Eka murmered, and the three walked into the room, looking around. Taehyung was bored already. "Why'd you guys come to my room by the way? Did you, like, know I was going to underdress?"

"No. You've just been upset for the past few... weeks. We were making sure you were actually coming. Yoongi told us about how he made you believe he had weed-"

"He was lying? Motherfucker. I'm leaving." Taehyung said, turning around sharply. The moment he did, he froze.

Jungkook stood by the entrance, looking around with his big curious eyes. He looked nervous, palpable hesitance showing from his stance. He was wearing a silky white shirt which was tucked into his tight black trousers, accentuating his waist. He wore a floral suit jacket and a choker.

"Wow," Taehyung let out this time, already feeling his insides going weak. Taehyung didn't see Eka and Jimin beside him give each other a knowing look, and then look ahead at Jungkook, who spotted the three.

"Hi!" Jungkook said, smiling and running up to them, looking less tense when he saw them. "Y-you said to meet me by the entrance." Jungkook said softly.

Taehyung wanted to give him a thousand kisses. "Sorry, Kookie. We came in. Doesn't this place look beautiful?" Jimin asked.

"Yeah! They're really going deep with this spring theme thingy," Jungkook giggled. Taehyung wanted to give him a million kisses now.

Jungkook looked at Taehyung, and tensed. Taehyung didn't know why. It was probably his presence. So Taehyung just gave the boy a small smile and turned around to walk away and find the other guys.

Jungkook, meanwhile, let out a small sigh. "He looks so good." Jungkook murmered to himself, voice gentle. "I wish he didn't."

"I know, baby. Don't think about him, okay?" Eka said, and Jungkook nodded. "Where's Sehun?" Eka asked, looking around.

"I'm here, bitches." Sehun said, and Jungkook looked at him and then rose his eyebrows. Sehun was in a bright blue suit and a black shirt and tie, smirking at them.

"Hey babe," Jungkook said to Sehun, who walked over to him, leaning down to kiss his mouth. Jungkook turned his head so Sehun could kiss his cheek instead. Sehun did, and then leaned back, scowling.

"You look... nice." Jungkook said.

"You too." Sehun mumbled. Jimin sighed, breathing out from the heavy tension in the room.

"Wow. Okay- um! Let's dance!"

The four began dancing away. Jennie, Jisoo, Lisa, and Rose joined the four, along with Yugyeom and Bambam. Jimin looked to Rose with a small smile, dancing closer to her. Jungkook was having fun, until he felt his hips being grabbed.

Jungkook got dragged to a body, and then realised Sehun had his chest pressed against his back. "You look pretty." Sehun said, kissing his neck, rolling his hips onto his back. Jungkook smiled at him, dancing back.

Sehun turned the boy around and then grabbed his waist. He reached down, kissing Jungkook's lips. Jungkook pulled away and then looked to the other side so Sehun wouldn't do that again.

"What's wrong?" Sehun asked, frowning. Jungkook shook his head, giving Sehun a smal smile. "Nothing," Jungkook reassured, putting his hands on Sehun's arms.

Jungkook looked to the side and saw Taehyung, leaning again a wall, sulking. Taehyung shifted his eyes around the room and then caught them with Jungkook's. Jungkook felt Sehun tighten his grip on his waist, and Jungkook just looked at Taehyung.

Sehun kissed Jungkook's jaw. "Do you wanna go to my room after this?"

Jungkook saw Taehyung give him a certain look. Jungkook wanted to move his eyes away, but couldn't. Suddenly, he felt a jolt through his body and turned his head, eyes widened when he was pushed back.

"What's your problem?" Sehun snapped, and Jungkook stilled. Sehun looked annoyed, eyes darkened, eyebrows furrowed.

"Nothing! I-" Jungkook began, but then saw his friends looking at the two weirdly. Sehun must've seen the same, because he grabbed Jungkook by the forearm and dragged him out of the sports hall.

Jungkook stumbled after him. "Se-Sehun-" Jungkook said, and then suddenly felt a shift as he moved out of the loud pink lightened room into the dark, vacant hallway. Sehun pulled him till the side and then let him go.

"What is it? You've been weird since we started dating- so fucking on and off. One second you want me, and another you're weirded out and want me to go away. I'm just trying to wrap my fucking head around all this, Jungkook- because- because you say you want me, but-"

"I'm sorry, o-okay? There's just a lot of things that have been going on-" Jungkook stammered.

"Then talk to me about them! I've asked you to at least try and open up to me so many times! But you just refuse to! Is it something wrong with me?" Sehun asked, frowning.

"N-no. No, you're perfect-" Jungkook said softly.

Sehun looked helpless. "Then what is it? Why did you get back together with me if you were going to treat me like shit after? You were so rude to me, and don't even talk to me sometimes when we're with Eka and Jimin. It's really awkward, Jungkook, to pretend I'm alright-"

"I'm sorry!" Jungkook cried out, and then stopped, looking at Sehun with watery eyes. The way Sehun was describing him reminded Jungkook of Taehyung.

"I-I'm sorry for- for being so weird. I just- I-I don't know, Sehun. I want to like you, I r-really do. I just can't fucking get over someone and it's r-ruining everything for me. I'm sorry." Jungkook let out, voice bubbly, as if close to crying.

Sehun tensed, and then looked down at his shoes, gulping a lump in his throat. "It's V, isn't it?"

Jungkook began crying, reaching his hands to his face to stop them, to try his hardest to stop them. Jungkook shook his head. "N-no. I don't- I am over him. I am."

"You like him." Sehun said, looking away. "He likes you too-"

"No Sehun. He d-doesn't. He just wants to have sex with me, that's all-" Jungkook tried, but Sehun snickered, looking away.

"That night. That night when we first had sex. When you left suddenly to comfort V- did you two do anything?" Sehun asked, fingers coiled. Jungkook sniffled. "Because the next day you were all fucking over him-"

"Sehun-"

"So he wants you for sex, huh? And you're still hung over him? Even though you have guys who like you for you?" Sehun asked, and Jungkook looked down, clenching his fists and shutting his eyes. "That's pretty fucking pathetic, Kook."

"I know. Stop telling me, p-please." Jungkook tried, and Sehun tsked.

"I don't want to be rude. You just made me feel so fucking shit for the past few weeks. If you just told me I was a fucking rebound for an asshole-"

"Y-you w-weren't-"

"-I wouldn't have ever asked you out. You probably just did it to make him jealous. I'm so fucking stupid." Sehun muttered under his breath, looking away. "Well, honestly- I don't care much. You're hung over a dude who's probably going to slap you across the face when you say no to him-"

"He wouldn't!" Jungkook cried, tears rushing down his face. Sehun looked at him, pausing. "H-he wouldn't fucking do that! You don't know him, no one does! I don't either, o-okay? I thought I did- I-I thought I knew him, b-but I don't! And I'm still in love with him, i-is that what you want me to tell you?" Jungkook shouted, voice breaking.

"I f-fell in love for a guy who doesn't give ha-half a shit about me. And I'm sorry." Jungkook squeaked out weakly. Sehun let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Jungkook felt the warm tears running down his face and put his hand over his mouth, shoulders trembling.

"I'm sorry. I-I need to go. I'll ask Jimin and Eka to come here-" Sehun said, and Jungkook didn't care, just slid down the wall, sitting down on the floor like the fucking mess he was- tears running down his face.

Jungkook sat there for a bit, crying softly. He felt the same feeling he had back when Taehyung told him he didn't mean anything to him. When Jungkook found him sleeping with Eka, and Taehyung slammed the door in his face. So fucking hurt.

"Kookie," A soft voice came, and Jungkook looked up.

Taehyung had his eyes big, looking at the pretty boy on the floor, tears in his eyes and stains of it weaving a path down his cheeks. Taehyung had one hand in his pocket, heart thudding as he crouched down to face him.

"K-Kookie, you-"

"Don't." Jungkook said, and then closed his eyes. Taehyung didn't push him. He just looked at him. "P-please. Leave me be."

"Not when you're like this, I can't." Taehyung said softly.

"God f-fucking damnit, Taehyung- stop pretending you c-care about me! You'll j-just lead me on to hurt me again. You don't know how I felt for those two months w-we spent together, Tae. You don't. Just. Please go." Jungkook said meekly, sniffling and looking up at the ceiling.

"I-I do care." Taehyung said, but he sounded hesitant, and it made Jungkook chuckle.

"You still think you're straight, Tae." Jungkook let out, voice weak. "You're far from being able to care about me."

Taehyung froze. He looked at Jungkook, who stood up from the floor, eyes slightly red from the tears. Taehyung's breath hitched, and then he let out- "I-I'm so fucking scared, Kookie. I'm not as- as brave as you. I never will be."

"T-then come meet me when you are." Jungkook stated, and then left, leaving Taehyung in the hallway.

Jungkook walked back in the sports hall, probably to tell Jimin and Eka of where he was, they were probably worried. Taehyung tightened his fists. He couldn't describe it. Couldn't describe the absolute fear that reaped through his body at the thought of-

At the thought of what?

Was it of everyone finding out?

Was that what he was afraid of?

Or was it something bigger than that? His mother, his father, what they'd taught him. What his mother had left him with. That fear that he was doing what she would've resented.

But at the fleeting moment, at that split second, that passing of time when the moon glowed outside like a watchful guardian- Taehyung realized. He rose to his feet, standing up. His heart drummed loudly against his chest, as if on beat, heightening his senses and telling him to hurry up. He was running out of time.

Taehyung took a step forward, towards the sports hall. Jungkook. His beautiful eyes, how they looked like they'd been dipped in honey and the core of sunlight. How his giggles sounded like that of harmonious angels. How his smile would always make Taehyung feel so much... better.

Something he hadn't felt since his mother had died. A sense of belonging. Home.

Taehyung walked towards the sports hall and entered it, seeing people still dancing, some chill song playing. Taehyung couldn't find Jungkook. His heart was racing. His anxiety was brimming at the bottom of his stomach.

He felt, at that moment, like he could do anything.

Taehyung felt absolute impulse take him over. Adrenaline started pumping down his body, the same he felt at football matches. This felt like a football match, except the goal was something different, and his aim was fucking terrible.

Taehyung let go. He ran straight forward and jumped onto the stage, startling the dudes in the band. They all looked at Taehyung, who carelessly grabbed the microphone from the lead singer, some kid from the grade below. The kid looked annoyed, but Taehyung mumbled "It'll only take a minute."

The band stopped playing, and everyone groaned, annoyed that the music stopped. Taehyung cleared his throat into the microphone, and then took a deep breath. "Shut up!" Taehyung shouted loudly, and everyone in the room shook.

Everyone went silent and turned to look at him with wide eyes, as if wondering why the fuck he was yelling while standing on a stage. Taehyung looked around, and then spotted Jungkook. The boy was facing away, grabbing his phone and trying to walk over to the exit.

"Wait." Taehyung said, and Jungkook paused and looked at him, a blank expression on his face. He looked annoyed.

Taehyung looked around. "Hi guys." Taehyung said, seeing all these kids he'd seen every day for the past three years. "This- this prom is cool, right? Like the- um- flowers and stuff." Taehyung stammered, and then cleared his throat.

"Okay. Hello. I've never formally introduced myself. Most of you know me as V. Captain of the football team." Taehyung said, and saw Sehun in the back of the room, frowning as well. Taehyung took a deep breath, seeing all the students looking at him with wide eyes. "But- but most of you don't know my real name."

Taehyung gulped. "I'm Taehyung. Kim Taehyung." Taehyung said, and there was a hushed whisper that fell across the room. He'd never said his full name out loud like this.

"Most of you know me as that asshole that bullies you, probably. Fair enough. I've made mistakes. A lot of them." Taehyung said. "I don't expect to be forgiven. I just want you to know I'm trying. And I'm changing, and growth is- is normal. It's normal." Taehyung said, nodding.

Everyone looked confused, still. They wanted to start dancing again, probably. But most actually looked intrigued, never having seen the guy speak more than 3 words at best which weren't insults.

"I'm standing here right now because I made a mistake. A really big one." Taehyung said, shaking his head. "I hurt someone. Badly. I hurt someone over and over again, and I shouldn't have. By the time I realized how much the person meant to me, it was too late." Taehyung mumbled, and everyone looked more confused.

Taehyung looked around, and then spotted Jungkook standing beside his friends, just the hint of confusion on his face. Not like the others, though. A more of disbelief.

Taehyung scratched his head, and then sighed loudly. "God, there's so many of you. I swear it's like the new crop of freshmen are, like, so goddamn small. I was so much taller when I was your age, what the hell-" Taehyung mumbled, and then looked around, hearing some laughs.

"I'm rambling, fuck. Shit! Sorry, forgot I couldn't swear. Ah damn, I swore again. Fuck-" Taehyung began, and then hit his head with the mic, and looked ahead, taking a deep breath.

Fuck it. Nothing matters. Not as much as him. Nothing has ever mattered as much as he has. "I'm sort of in love with someone." Taehyung let out, and there were gasps that spread across the room.

Taehyung couldn't see Jungkook's eyes- didn't want to, in fact. "I'm sort of, really, really fucking madly in love with someone. And that someone is standing here right now, and god-" Taehyung let out a chuckle, covering his face. "You'd never think I'd be the type to- to stand on a goddamn stage in the middle of what looks like actual fairy shit and confess my love to someone, but-"

Taehyung looked ahead, and then found Jungkook. Jungkook had his eyes widened, mouth slightly agape. Taehyung smiled. "You change me." Taehyung said, words soft. "You m-make me... a better version of myself. I'm not mean when I'm with you. I'm not sad. I'm not an asshole. You make me study harder, you make me play harder, you make me... harder." Taehyung said the last part, and then started laughing.

"Shit- I just realised there's, like, 200 other people in here. I'm kidding! Don't have sex till marriage! Or, do. I don't know. Sorry Ms. Yang!" Taehyung said, and everyone started laughing. Fuck, he was going crazy. He couldn't get a hold of himself, but suddenly- suddenly it felt like he was so free. So free, so free from everything that's ever been holding him back-

"You know what else?" Taehyung asked, looking around the room. "I'm bisexual!" Taehyung shouted out, and everyone shut up real fast.

Literally EVERYONE's eyes widened and jaws dropped. Girls he'd slept with looked surprised, guys he'd bullied looked mad, people who didn't know him looked shocked. His own friends looked the most shocked.

"Yeah! I like girls, and I like guys. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like, at all. Wow. Oh my god. I said it out loud." Taehyung let out, whispered. "Fuck, okay. Shit. Yeah. It's out there. I'm bisexual. I'm bi-fucking-sexual. I'm so fucking bisexual. Wow. WOW-"

"Dude. The teachers are gonna cut the sound off any minute. Stop swearing." The lead singer dude whispered, and Taehyung nodded.

"Oh- okay okay. Sorry. No more swearing." Taehyung agreed, and then looked ahead and saw Jungkook standing behind Jimin, looking nervous, eyes wide, hands bunched up into fists.

Taehyung looked around. "I've never spoken so much. I just- I can't believe this. I feel so free, y'know? Like- like I'm high as hell, but sober. Not that I know what being high feels like, Ms. Yang don't worry." Taehyung reassured, laughing.

"Who are you in love with?" A voice shouted from the audience, and Taehyung looked.

Taehyung gulped. He leaned into the mic. "A boy." He whispered, and gasps spread across the room again. Taehyung giggled at how surprised everyone looked. "I'm so in love with him, you guys. He's the prettiest boy in the whole goddamn world. Maybe universe. Haven't seen aliens yet. Actually- scratch that. He's the prettiest boy in the universe."

Jungkook hid behind Jimin properly now, hands covering his face, his whole body trembling lightly. Taehyung gulped. Here goes.

"I'm Kim Taehyung." Taehyung said, voice clear. "I'm bisexual." Taehyung said, and then smiled. "And I'm so goddamn in love with Jeon Jungkook."

People literally started screaming. Jungkook squeaked out in surprise and got pushed out into the center by Jimin and Eka, who both looked thrilled as hell. Jungkook still had his face covered, because everyone was looking at him, eyes wide, mouths wider.

"He's WHAT?!" Yoongi shouted from the side, slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Oh my fucking god." Jin whispered, eyes wide. "Oh my god oh my GOD-"

"Guys someone drugged Taehyung and put him on that stage." Namjoon said. It was the only explanation.

"This is brilliant." Yugyeom whispered, eyes glazed. Bambam grimaced. "I fucking knew it. He always looked at him weird."

Taehyung looked at Jungkook, heart racing rapidly, stomach making a thousand turns a second. "Baby?" Taehyung said softly, not caring how that made everyone go even more in shock. "I-I can see you, you know that, right?" Taehyung chuckled fondly.

Jungkook put his hands down, blushing brightly. His eyes were filled with tears, fists clenched beside him. People had moved out of the way, so there was a clear spacing between the stage and where Jungkook was stood, so the boys could see each other clearly.

"Jeon Jungkook." Taehyung whispered into the mic. "I know- I know I'm the biggest douchebag you ever met. I hurt you. I was an asshole." Taehyung said, suddenly growing fearful. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby." Taehyung said, voice weak.

Jungkook just sniffled from where he was stood, cheeks so pink and fists so tightly clenched that he couldn't speak. Everyone was staring between him and Taehyung in awe, surprised, shocked, just couldn't believe that V, the homophobic fuck boy captain of the football team- was out here passionately declaring his love for a boy.

"R-right before I got on this stage, I thought about how you came out to everyone. Always so ridden by impulse, my Jungkookie," Taehyung said with a small fond smile, and people aww'ed. Jungkook bit his lip, looking down.

"So, I'm going to ask this. I'm really really really fucking scared." Taehyung admitted, and then took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

Be brave. Taehyung opened his eyes. "Jeon Jungkook?" Taehyung whispered, voice barely coherent. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647264967393984512/forty

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diiagnose · 6 years

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[10:00:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & audrey & arden & if she ever rly loved him [10:01:23 PM] madam mum.: mood [10:01:32 PM] madam mum.: whats the short answer to it [10:01:37 PM] (m)emery lee raye: yeah [10:01:55 PM] (m)emery lee raye: she Did in her own fucked up way & tbh probably still does [10:02:08 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they Both will love each other forever, but they jst clash & bring out the worst in each other [10:03:00 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & audrey somehow managed this ,, constant love / hate ?? where she loved him but also hated him [10:03:38 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc she will always view him as beneath her , & ?? reputation & where u stand in the wrld & ur Success is a big deal to her bc her parents drilled tht into her , [10:04:17 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & so then theres arden who , when they met ?? he was a Nobody, a Loser in school , but ,, there was smth abt him tht drew her to him & she Hated it bc tht wasn't her Type [10:04:38 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but then she started falling for him but in her head She Deserved Better & tht's why she was always cheating [10:05:07 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc while she loved arden , she ,, also felt like she was getting the short end of the deal ?? tht he was getting more out of it than She was getting [10:05:45 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & thts why she treated him so badly bc she viewed His Actions as toxic , as Bad so she jst "if ur not going to treat me like i deserve, why should u get tht luxury??" [10:06:17 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc she feels like everyone has to Earn being treated w respect , & he rarely did anything to make her believe tht he Earned tht [10:07:09 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then thts why she finally divorced him bc ,, he was getting too much. to add onto what he already had. he now was schizophrenic, even more unstable , & she jst , felt tht he would hold her back, plus she was jst scared of herself sometimes when she was around him ?? idk he brought out this bad abusive side of her more than anyone ever has bt . she lies to herself & says tht Isn’t why she left him bt instead bc of his Failures [10:07:42 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc his grades Dropped a little while she was trying to take care of him & she jst , "i can't do this anymore" bc for her ?? her Success & place in life will Always be more important than arden [10:07:54 PM] (m)emery lee raye: career > love [10:07:57 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & , yeah [10:07:59 PM] (m)emery lee raye: there u go [10:08:02 PM] madam mum.: I LOVE [10:08:29 PM] madam mum.: ok we know that arden is incapable of having a healthy long term committed relationship, but what abt audrey [10:08:32 PM] madam mum.: if it wasnt for arden [10:09:32 PM] (m)emery lee raye: u see thts the thing , these r two v dysfunctional ppl tht are bad enough on their own, but when put together are ,, dysfunctionally imperfect in the Perfect way [10:09:50 PM] (m)emery lee raye: both of them are horrible at long term relationships, but somehow they were together for ten years [10:10:38 PM] (m)emery lee raye: i believe this was only possibly arden rarely felt like audrey was fully w him ?? in the first few years on their relationship, no one knew they were dating it ,, it wasn't Real ?? his mom knew but it was rarely a topic brought up [10:11:30 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then on audreys side of things ?? she never rly , fully committed herself to him ?? she was always cheating, so there was never tht sense of Commitment ,,,,,,, until [10:11:32 PM] (m)emery lee raye: marriage [10:11:36 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & even before tht [10:11:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: when they moved in together [10:12:13 PM] (m)emery lee raye: suddenly, out of nowhere, they decided "the second [ arden ] turn eighteen, why dont we move out??" [10:12:15 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & they did , [10:13:09 PM] (m)emery lee raye: audrey was a year Older than him & so she already had a place for them to stay & arden had moved his stuff there asap after his mom died & then , it was after they Truly moved in together tht things became Real [10:13:22 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they had this sort of , honeymoon phase almost ?? bc now they were Openly in a relationship [10:13:40 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & it was all brand new & they were !! young & in love [10:14:10 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then this was only Further pushed by proposal ( even if audrey Did want a Better One w a Better Ring ) [10:14:58 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then they got married , & before this ?? audrey never rly got physical w him bc ,, they rarely saw each other for long periods of time alone ?? so there was never rly Time for tht , they'd get in fights & sometimes they'd get Intense but thts the Worst tht it got [10:15:37 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but after they were married ?? they had already been living together for more than a year i think ,, they were going to the same uni , had the same friends ( it was actually mostly jst audreys friends & arden tagged along ) things were , getting Stressful [10:15:58 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & it was on their honeymoon tht audrey hit arden for the first time & they were both , Shocked by it [10:16:54 PM] (m)emery lee raye: tho not Immediately for audrey bc , she had been in this ?? haze ?? & it jst happened & it was a lil while later tht , audrey was Disgusted w herself & arden jst , comforted her & told her tht she didnt mean it , it was Okay, he forgave her [10:16:57 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & then it ,, got worse [10:17:45 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc even Before this incident, ever since they got together almost, audrey had been p controlling ?? & definitely abusive, but Neither of them saw what she did or how she acted as abuse so it never rose any red flags [10:18:05 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but this ?? they both saw this as bad, as abuse, & they jst , decided to forget that it happened & Move On [10:18:14 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but then it happened again , & again,,,,,, & it kept happening [10:18:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they both didn't know what to do, bc they Loved each other, but they also wanted to Kill each other almost Constantly, [10:19:00 PM] (m)emery lee raye: it was , one of the most toxic dynamics u can imagine , & it went on for Years before audrey finally put her foot down [10:19:18 PM] (m)emery lee raye: it was then she told him tht she hasnt loved him for a long time ,, & that was untrue [10:19:49 PM] (m)emery lee raye: bc she Did love him, & Still loved him at the time of the divorce, but she knew if he knew tht, he'd try to convicne her to give the whole relationship another chance [10:20:37 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but she didn't want tht bc she has turned into his manipulative, toxic, abusive person & she can't recognize herself anymore & !! she knows she was never a good partner, ( even if she will sometimes convince her tht she Is ,, which reminds me tht i think she has npd but Anyway ) [10:20:46 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & so shes doing it for both of them [10:21:00 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & in canon ?? she gets married again & has kids, [10:21:11 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & it isn't even bc she Wants to , its bc her parents push her into it [10:21:17 PM] (m)emery lee raye: they want grandchildren , they want her to have a Family [10:21:47 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & so she does , she tries Again w someone new & their relationship ,,, she still cheats , but shes not abusive [10:21:57 PM] (m)emery lee raye: save for the , cheating thing which [10:22:01 PM] (m)emery lee raye: ig can be considered abuse [10:22:04 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but u know what i mean [10:22:08 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & yeah , she doesn't love him tho [10:22:13 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but she doesn't hate him [10:22:20 PM] (m)emery lee raye: she jst , thinks hes okay [10:22:48 PM] (m)emery lee raye: he has a respectable place in the world & she decides tht thts Enough [10:22:59 PM] (m)emery lee raye: so the way she moved on was rushing into a relationship ,, [10:23:08 PM] (m)emery lee raye: but arden never moved on ( in canon, at least, ) [10:23:15 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & tbh even in happy au ?? he will always love her [10:23:32 PM] (m)emery lee raye: no matter the au, they will Always love each other, but no matter what, they'll never be happy together, [10:23:39 PM] (m)emery lee raye: & That Is The Tragedy Of Arden & Audrey [10:23:43 PM] (m)emery lee raye: fin

#okay i have had this in my drafts for so long bc #i wanted to make it all pretty #its two am #im tired #i found this #im sad again so uhhhhhhh #here u go #long post //#abuse //#marriage //#divorce //#cheating //#mental illness //#uhhhhh idk #█ ▌┋ PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM BETTER LOOKING GUYS. ( audrey. )#█ ▌┋ LIST OF WORDS UNSAID. ( headcanon. )#█ ▌┋ PRESIDENT OF THE ARDEN GRAY FAN CLUB. ( out. )

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