#i was very angry the past few weeks but now i am just sad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

guardarecheluna · 3 months

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I know you’d never leave me behind, but i am lost this time.

Words: 5K

Warnings: Fluff, Angst (Arguments, miscommunication, anxiety.)

Summary: Harry has never been an anxious person before having his daughter. And bursting through the baby bubble, leaving the safety of home behind was more difficult than expected; way more difficult than expected.

“She’s just over a week old, and you’re insane if you think we’re taking her to see my family. She could get really sick, so tell me, what is it that you don’t understand?”

Harry’s harsh tone was resonating in Y/N’s system as she looked up at him from her place on the sofa. Harry was holding their newborn in his strong arms, her little head perfectly supported in the crook of his arm. And even with his frustration spilling out on Y/N, he was gently swinging side to side, to keep little Elida calm and happy. Y/N swallowed harshly and bit her tongue, not wanting to upset him further or wake up their sleepy baby.

Anne had been terrorising the new family with calls every day since the birth of Elida. She didn’t mean no harm, they knew, but she had been asking to come meet her grandbaby. However, Harry and Y/N were in agreement that they wanted the first week on their own, no visitors unless wanted, just to get settled into being a new family and spend time in the baby bubble. It had now been over a week, and without thinking much about it, Y/N had agreed to travel up to see Anne, from London, without talking to Harry first. She figured it would be fine, they had only discussed a week, Y/N had been feeling better and better since the birth, and Elida was getting used to her life out of the sac nicely. Y/N was also desperate to get out of the house at this point, to see another face, and show off the new family member. Y/N just didn’t expect hell to break loose when she mentioned it to Harry.

“I can’t believe you’re not thinking about Elida, she’s so little, and they’re going to be all over her with their germs. It’s our baby, they can wait for a few more weeks.” Harry continued on, Y/N have barely stuttered a word in response to his words. She had no idea that agreeing to come see Anne the next day would cause such a stir in him.

“Harry, settle down, please, let’s just talk.” Y/N tried carefully, with a gentle tone. She knew that Harry’s baby anxiety had been hitting him hard. Although they both expected to feel some anxiety around their new life as parents, Harry’s been off the charts in the past few days. He looked livid, dark circles under his eyes and some spit up on his ripped Pink Floyd t-shirt.

“No, I will not back down on this, because you obviously don’t understand.” He said, now pacing around between the sofa and their living room windows. That was the final straw for Y/N. She had been understanding, gentle, and comforting with him although she was also feeling all of these new feelings surrounding their baby, plus she had just given birth. She was tired, and she was sore. Y/N stood up with a blank expression, facing him. “I would think very carefully of how you speak to me, don’t act like I’m clueless. Talk to me about what you’re feeling instead of speaking in code. Cause I’m not buying it, I will not allow you to talk to me like that.” She said harshly, a wrinkle between her brows and eyes glazing over. Harry’s face softened for a moment, before hardening up again. “I’m going to have a shower, and you’re going to call your mother and tell her we’re not coming.” Y/N continued, walking towards the stairs, in direction of their bathroom.

She honestly couldn’t tell if she was sad or angry; if she was hurt or offended. But she got in the shower anyway, trying to think of anything, anything but Harry being that angry with her. She just wished that she knew what was going on in Harry’s head.

Harry could feel the anxiety rising in his chest. A nauseous, tight feeling climing up his throat. He knew he messed up the second he saw her eyes become teary. He wasn’t really angry, not at all, and especially not with Y/N. He needed her more than ever, and she, him. However, with all these new feelings, and trying to take care of Elida; constant nappy changes, tummy massages, lullabies and changing of clothes, - he felt himself slipping. All the anxiety he was feeling just came out as anger, and Y/N shouldn’t have to take the heat of it.

The thing is, he is constantly worried for Elida. Has she gotten enough milk? Is she comfortable? Too hot? Too cold? Is her tummy aching? Is she breathing alright?

Harry had spent most of Y/N’s pregnancy on family forums and reading parenting books, trying to learn anything and everything. At the end, it all got too overwhelming, hearing scary stories from other parents of what not to do, and in result, he could barely put Elida down in another room without his head spinning with anxiety.

It was hard. Harry had experienced his fair share of anxiety earlier in his life, but never like what he was feeling right now, having another little soul to love and protect.

Immediately when Y/N had left for her shower, it was like he snapped out of the haze, and all came crashing down. He really needed to talk to her before he completely fell apart.

Harry went after Y/N, up the stairs as he heard her turn the shower on. Elida was sleeping heavy in his arms and against his own will and father-instinct he gently put her down in her little bed-side crib on Y/N’s side of the bed. He brought the monitor next to her and took his phone out so he could keep an eye on her, and went after Y/N. He would be just 6 metres away from her, and keeping an eye on her constantly. It would be okay, he told himself as he put the phone monitor next to the sink and started to strip out of his clothing. Y/N barely glanced at him when he got in, not saying a word. The ball was in his court, he was the asshole this time around, she figured. “I’m sorry, pet, I shouldn’t have taken that tone with you.” Harry tried, as he came up behind her, placing his calloused, shaky hands on her hips. “No, you shouldn’t have.” She replied quietly. It wasn’t that she was trying to act pissed, it was just that she wanted him to take action. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, about how it’s been the past week, it’s been hard, and I know I haven’t made it easier for you.” Harry continued, gently leaning his forehead to the back of her head. That struck an icy pain through Y/N’s heart. He had made it so much better, and she let him know. “Hey,” Y/N said as she turned around in his embrace. “You have been making it easier for all of us, I know it’s a hard transition, I just…I just want to know what’s going on with you, because you haven’t been yourself lately and it’s worrying me. All I’m asking is that you tell me how you’re doing.” Y/N raised both her arms, and put her hands in Harry’s curls, massaging the back of his head under the hot stream of water. Harry let out a big sigh, trying to relax. “I’ve just, I’ve been so anxious, all the time. I’m worried about her all the time and it’s eating me alive. And you’re the best mama, I’m never worried about her when she’s with you, it’s not that at all, it’s just that I can’t seem to stop worrying. She’s so tiny, and it scares me how far I’d go to know that she’s okay.” He let out, not looking in her eyes, almost like he was ashamed of admitting it. “You know what that tells me?” Y/N then said, and now Harry’s eyes met hers, curious, like a child about what she was going to say next. He shook his head quietly, nudging her to go on. “That you’re the best daddy out there. It’s your job to worry about her, yes, but we can’t possibly do everything. She’s safe with you, she’s safe with us, and we will know what’s best for her. I just think you need to go easy on yourself, tell me how you’re feeling, and we’ll figure it out. We’re a team, and I’m not going anywhere.” Y/N said to him, slowly and with intent, to really make sure that her words got to him.

“Y-Yeah.” Harry replied. “I’m sorry, it’s just overwhelming. I know it’ll get better soon, but she’s just so little I don’t know how-“He interrupted himself, sobs crawling up his throat, his head landing on Y/N’s shoulder. He felt completely vulnerable and safe with her. And for a moment, he thought that he wouldn’t want to do this with another person on the planet.

A few hours later in the day, Y/N got some energy back in her system. The days felt all jumbled together, and the parents could barely tell day from night between the constant cycle of changing Elida, feeding her, naps and keeping her somewhat entertained in her awake window.

Y/N decided that she was going to do some baking, maybe some bread to bring to Anne’s the next day. Harry was laying flat on the couch, having some skin to skin with Elida as she was drooling on his chest, producing those sweet baby noises that Harry loved. He could look at Elida for days, just in awe of what him and the love of his life had created together. She was perfect. Harry could almost feel himself dose off on the sofa, to the soft sound of Y/N’s music coming from the kitchen. He was sure he was in heaven right now.

“Tesoro?” Y/N called to him from the kitchen with a gentle voice, snapping him out of his daydream. “Yes, m’love?” He replied, not letting his gaze drift from Elidas little face. “Do you think your mom would prefer focaccia or baguettes?” Harry’s blood turned cold at the reminder of them going to see his family. They hadn’t really talked about the fact if they were going or not, just why he was feeling the way that he was. The issue now is that he still didn’t want to go, his intuition still telling him that it was too soon. He knows he couldn’t turn to anger like he did last time, so he had to try and be more diplomatic, even though all he wanted was to hide Elida away for another month at least.

“Darling, like i said earlier, I’m not sure we should, can’t we just wait like another week? I feel like it’s all wrong exposing her to new people this early.” Harry said, craning his neck to see Y/N stood leaning against the doorpost to the kitchen. Her face unreadable, straight, as she calmly said, “Call your mom.” Before pushing of the doorframe and continuing her mission in the kitchen. Harry sighed, what was he even supposed to say his own mom whom he didn’t want to see right now? Harry got up from the sofa, stepping into their bedroom and putting the awake Elida on the bed in front of him, pulling his phone out to call his mother.

Let’s just say that Anne put some sense into him. He told her about how hard it had been, how the new parent anxiety was eating him alive, and she understood, of course she did. He should’ve called her earlier. They had come to a compromise that it was just going to be Anne and Gemma, no other friends or family, and that if the new parents didn’t feel comfortable yet, Gemma and Anne would have to be satisfied with just admiring new addition to the family from afar, not yet holding her. That felt okay for Harry, that meant that he and Y/N still had some control over the situation. Harry gulped, once again picking up Elida. “C’mere my little love.” He whispered happily to her, putting her in a sling on his chest. Wrapping her up safely, making sure to tie an extra knot so that she would stay put. Elida let out a big yawn as she settled against Harry’s warm, safe chest. Harry’s lips just about reaching her soft head if he leaned down slightly. Harry felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest after the conversation with Anne. Harry took a deep breath as he ascended the stairs down to their kitchen, hand spreading over Elidas small back to keep him grounded. Y/N turned around and looked at him with expectation in her eyes, a slight, gentle smile on her face. “I talked to mum, we came to a compromise, so…” Harry breathed out. “It’ll be okay, yeah? I’m sorry I’ve been stressing about everything; I feel like I’m going insane sometimes.” He continues. Y/N walked up to Harry, sandwiching Elida between them. Y/N leaned down to out a kiss on Elidas head, and then one on Harry’s lips. “You’re not insane. You’re a good father, I told you earlier. I’m convinced it’ll be okay. What did your mum say?” Y/N reassured him, taking his hand and pulling him over to their dining table to sit down.

Being parent to a newborn is never easy, and nobody has ever claimed it to be. Harry, however, was a natural. And it may have something to do with all those books and forums he consumed during Y/N’s pregnancy, but some things seemed to just come naturally to him, while Y/N sometimes stood on the sidelines, not sure what to do. Harry truly is her rock, and she is his.

They spoke that evening about the next day, dread and excitement filling them at the same time. The couple wanted to have some boundaries, even for family. It made them feel safe, and feeling safe and being careful put their minds at ease while trying to figure things out.

Harry’s eyes were focused on the road with an icy grip on the steering wheel. He was a safe driver before having Elida, but now he was extra safe, not making a single risky turn or change of lane as they made their way to Manchester. Y/N was in the back, strapped in the middle seat, so she could be next to Elida.

They had found out day 2 with Elida that she loved car rides. She would instantly calm down when they drove off from the hospital, despite being uncomfortable in her car seat. They figured it was the whooshing-sound of the wind against the car, and decided there and then to invest in a white noise machine for her.

Y/N looked at Harry through the mirror. He had that little worry-wrinkle between his eyebrows as he focused on the road. Sometimes he’d glance at the pair in the back and his gaze would soften. This time he made eye contact with Y/N. “Penny for your thoughts?” Y/N said to him, leaning forward, her cheek against his bicep as he leaned into her touch slightly. “I’m excited to show her off. But I’m nervous about mum and Gemma not respecting our boundaries.” Harry could feel her nod against his arm, placing a soft kiss where her cheek was as she leaned back in her seat. “I know it’s nervous, but you were really brave telling your mum yesterday about your worries, and I’m sure she’ll respect them, she’s a parent too, you know. And if they don’t remember, we’ll remind them. It’ll be alright.” She said calmly, looking at him though the mirror of the car. Harry hadn’t even thought about that before. His mum is his mum. She was also a new parent once, she’s gone through this exact thing, twice actually. Just the thought of that made Harry feel instantly calmer. “And how are you feeling, lover?” Harry bounced back. Y/N thought for a second, glancing over at Elida and then to Harry. “I’m so proud I could burst. We’ve made a perfect little girl, and I can’t wait to show her off. And I can’t wait to show off my more than capable baby-daddy.” She laughed and squeezed his bicep jokingly. Harry chuckled, nodded. “I’m so proud, too.”

Harry let out a sigh of relief as he parked in his mum’s driveway. They had made it there safe and sound, and with only one pitstop to get some air and a coffee. They had barely opened the door of the car as Anne came towards them on the driveway. “My loves, oh my goodness.” Her eyes were filled with happy tears, taking Y/N instantly in her arms and hugging her tight. “Darling! How are you, are you recovering well? You look stunning, Ah I can’t believe you’re here.” She blabbered as Y/N lightly laughed at her erratic behaviour. “I’m well, Anne, it’s been a lot, but Harry’s been taking care of me.” And at the mention of Harry’s name, Anne turned to him, and with wide stretched arms embraced her son. “Hi mum” Harry said quietly into her hair. Y/N knew he had missed her, he was such a mummy’s boy. “My son, who’s now a father of a little girl. I can’t believe it.” Anne continued, with Harry’s face in her hands, pinching his cheeks and putting his wild hair back in place.

You could tell that Harry was gleaming with pride, constantly between laughter and tears at the rush of emotions. He could barely imagine her reaction when she’d get a look at his daughter.

Harry could see Y/N on the other side of the car, just about to grab the car seat, as he rushed to her side. “Careful, lover, you’re not supposed to carry too heavy, I’ve got her.” He said in a quiet voice, a comforting hand on the small of Y/N’s back. Y/N nodded, instead grabbing the diaper bag from the trunk.

Anne rounded the car after them, looking for the little face buried in the blanket of the car seat. As soon as Anne caught a glimpse of Elida, she gasped. She had seen plenty of pictures, of course, and she’s seen her though facetime, but seeing her grandchild for the first time in front of her made the tears fall from her eyes. She put a hand over her heart. “Oh my goodness, she’s precious. She’s even smaller than I imagined!” Harry held the car seat in front of his mother with a puff of pride in his chest, the anxiety has since long left his body, and Anne seemed to keep her distance, as they’d wished. “Alright mum, let’s head inside, yeah? No crying in the streets.”

Harry was light on his feet as they stepped inside, it was always nice to be home, Anne’s house always warm and welcoming. Elida was starting to move and making unhappy little noises to alert her parents to her discomfort. Harry and Y/N looked at each other. “I’ll take her, H, she probably needs a good feeding as well, go sit down with your mum.” Y/N stepped forward to fish Elida out of her seat. She cooed at her little baby, body scrunching together as she picked her up, then stepped away for a moment to change Elida.

Gemma was supposed to arrive in a little while, so they had some time, just the three of them in the lounge. Harry and Y/N sat next to each other, as Elida was being fed. Anne was on a sofa opposite them. Harry and Y/N could tell Anne was bubbling to get talking, barely being able to keep her eyes off Elida as she fed from Y/N. They had been in constant contact since the birth, but Anne didn’t want to miss a thing; it was her first grandchild after all. Harry felt calm in this setting, with his little family just beside him. The time felt like thick jelly, comforting and warm. He could stay here for a long, long time. Conversation was flowing between new parent struggles, trying to fit in a meal or a nap wherever they could, to laughing about little outfits they wanted to put Elida in when she’s a little older. Elida was now napping in Y/N’s arms, belly full of milk, satisfied little sounds coming through her little mouth.

Then Gemma stormed in through the door. They could hear her throwing her clothes off in the entryway and almost jogging to reach them in the lounge. As Gemma caught sight of them her eyes filled with tears, her hands over her mouth. She hadn’t said a thing yet, as Harry stood up and walked over to her. “Hey Gem.” He said, trying to comfort her tears. “My little brother is a dad.” Was all she could get out, embracing him in a hard hug. Harry laughed, a faint blush on his cheeks. It was still so strange when they said it like that, it would take some getting used to.

Gemma moved past Harry to get to Y/N and Elida. Harry motioned for Y/N to transfer Elida to his arms, so that she could greet Gemma. And Gemma basically threw herself over Y/N. They had become close almost immediately when Harry and Y/N had started seeing each other, like they were lost sisters from another universe. “I’m so proud of you. Are you doing okay, is Harry helping at all? I’ll be sure to give him a whooping if he doesn’t, you just let me know.” Gemma said, still tearful about the fact that two of her favourite people just had a baby together. “Gem, don’t worry. It’s been a lot, I’m so tired I could pass out but I’m so happy, and Harry’s been an angel. But it’s good to know that you’ve got my back.” Y/N laughed brightly, rubbing Gemma’s shoulders in comfort, in hopes that the tears would stop.

Harry suddenly felt brave, he sat down directly next to his mother, putting his knees up so Elida could rest against them. “Come sit down, Gem.” Harry smiled to his sister. Gemma sat down next to her brother, and all three of them looked down at the sleeping baby in Harry’s lap. Admiring her little nose that looked just like Harry’s when he was a newborn, the light dusting of hair on the top of her head, and how her little chest moved quickly with her little breaths. “She’s so small.” Gemma said, almost whisper quiet, as to not alert the sleeping baby. “Yeah.” Harry replied mindlessly, still gazing at Elida. “C-can I touch her?” Gemma almost whispered. Harry looked at Y/N for a second, who was nodding at him. “Y-yeah, just wash your hands first, and no kisses on the face, please.” Harry answered. Anne and Gemma almost threw themselves off the sofa and sprinted to the nearest sink to wash their hands.

“Tesoro.” Y/N said, when Anne and Gemma had left the room. Harry looked up at her. He looked so good, she thought. Even with hair unkempt and tired bags under his eyes. His face was clean shaven and soft, for the sole reason of not upsetting Elidas sensitive babyskin. Damn, she thought, she knew he’d let the mustache grow out otherwise, and she loved it when he did that. “Do you feel alright?” Y/N continued. Harry just nodded, a smile spreading on his face. He felt better than he thought. This all felt like a dream.

Anne and Gemma came back and settled down, one on either side of Harry, as they gently reached out to stroke the baby’s soft head and grabbing her tiny, clenched hands. Y/N pulled out her phone, having to snap a few pictures of this special moment of their family. All three of them smiling and looking down at the sleepy baby. It was the start to something new, a new generation, filling all of their lives with happy laughter, endless diaper changes, tiny shoes and most importantly; love.

The room was thick with emotion, and Y/N looked at the family opposite her, almost not being able to keep her tears at bay, just seeing them together with Elida.

Gemma looked up at Y/N, and reaching her arm out for her in a quiet attempt to get her to join them on the sofa. Y/N rose from the opposite sofa, trailing over to them and sitting down next to Gemma. “She’s like a little doll, I can’t believe she’s here.” Gemma said, as if still in disbelief about the whole situation. “You have no idea how hard it’s been not to storm over to your house and see you, I’ve been worried.” She continued. Harry and Y/N shared a thankful look, knowing that in the midst of the chaos of being new parents, the last thing they wanted was a visitor. “We’ve been doing our best to settle in and enjoy the first week of just the three of us together. I just…I know you wanted to see her and us earlier but at the time it was just another stressor to all of this. It’s got nothing to do with you or mum, it’s just our decision, and we’re really thankful you respected our boundaries when we put them down. It’s a special time and we don’t want to miss a single thing, but she’ll be here for the rest of time so you’ll get to spend time with her until you’re sick of her, don’t worry.” Harry gently explained to his mother and sister. They just smiled to him, giving him a soft squeeze to assure him that they knew. “I know it’s a special time, darlings. I know that after I had you, Gemma, me and Des just wanted to be alone, but people kept dropping by and expecting us to take care of them too, on top of our new baby! It made everything a bit harder, even though I know they meant well.” Anne reminisced.

Y/N could physically see Harry’s shoulders loosen up and relax. She could tell his breathing wasn’t constantly in his throat as it had been the past few days at the mention of leaving their baby bubble. He looked relaxed, like he belonged.

Y/N remembered an evening Y/N and Harry had shared just in the beginning of her pregnancy, where they had felt high on serotonin and adrenaline just thinking about the tiny sprout in Y/N’s belly.

“It just feels like full circle in some way, having our own child. I know mum’s been harassing us about having one, but still I don’t think she’ll fully believe us when we tell her.” Harry said into the night. It was dark out, it had to have been hours since they had retreated to bed. Y/N was laying on Harry’s chest, her nose finding his pulse point, and leg thrown over his hip, close, as close as they could get without crawling inside each other’s skin. Y/N smiled at Harry’s words. “Imagine when we get to show them off for the first time, for our family, our friends. I just know it’s going to be perfect. I feel like that’s one of those situations I’ve been dreaming about ever since knowing I wanted a kid.” Y/N replied lightly. She could tell Harry’s heart was racing, she could hear it through his chest. It was quiet for a moment, Y/N could feel her eyes droop and getting heavier in the arms of her lover. Suddenly Harry spoke up. “What do you think of Rose? Elisabeth Rose?” Y/N’s eyes shot open, removing herself from his neck, looking at him with squinty eyes. “Veto. They’re not a character in pride and prejudice, Tesoro.” Harry chuckled. “I like Samuel. Or Logan, Esther, maybe Levi.” She suggested. “Mhm, I like them…but maybe we’ll have to do some more scouting though.” Harry sounded almost sarcastic, and a flat palm was thrown against his chest. “Ow!” Harry whisper shouted. “Be nice. I’m the pregnant one, I think I have a pretty big say in what name they’ll be getting.” Harry grabbed onto her, shifting them around in the bed so that his arms were completely encapsulating Y/N’s frame. “You’re right, you let me put a baby in you, yeah? And I seem to recall you asking for at least a few more after this one.” He said, placing wet kisses on Y/N’s face; on her cheeks, the side of her mouth, her jaw. “Hmm…” Y/N let out, melting into his hold and his soft kisses. “I love you; I love you for doing this for us, I love you.” Harry sincerely let out, lips grazing hers. “I love you.” Y/N whispered back, sleep catching up to her, safe and warm in her lover’s arms.

And as Harry sat there on the sofa, right beside Elida, Y/N, Gemma and Anne, thinking about all that was, and all that has become, he came to realize that this was his reality. His own little child with the person he loved more than anything on this earth. A whole family circle that showed support, love and respect through thick and thin. Harry had never been more thankful for his life, and the thought of this being his forever made him giddy to get started living the rest of their life. Yeah, he would manage just fine – as long as he had them.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #dad!harry #harry styles masterlist #dadrry #harry styles dad #harry styles angst #harry styles fic

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borderlinereminders · 6 months

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I post a lot about self-soothing and working on needing reassurance. And while it’s important to do, it doesn’t mean that’s how it always has to be.

I try self soothing first. Sometimes with my best friend, I know my feelings at her aren’t her fault. It’s something small that’s triggered insecurity even though I know it’s not rational. And I try to deal with the feelings myself first. But sometimes I can’t. And it’s okay.

In these cases, I usually go to her. I’ll tell her “I know it’s not rational and it’s not your fault. But I’m having feelings about x, y and z”. If possible, I’ll tell her what I’m looking for (like reassurance).

She’s always very happy to offer me that reassurance. She knows that I’ve come so far and worked hard and if she can reassure me, she’s often happy to in order to make it easier for me.

I’m going to share my most recent example under the read more for a real life example of how I applied this.

But my overall point is that it is absolutely okay to ask for reassurance and sometimes you need to. It’s just important to do it in a healthy way.

A few weeks ago, she was overwhelmed and busy. I offered to watch her dog for her while she was working. I didn’t get a response back because she was thinking about it.

And then I found out someone else was watching her dog.

I felt a lot of confusing emotions. I felt angry. I also felt insecure, like she didn’t trust me. I was frustrated at her and the person now watching her dog. I felt jealous.

I used skills to try and cope with these feelings. I didn’t lash out at her. I tried using logic to suggest alternatives to myself. Perhaps it wasn’t personal that she picked someone else. Maybe it was for logistical reasons. It was probably just easier for her.

I tried to sleep on it, but the feelings were growing. No matter what coping skills I used. Sometimes, the coping skills don’t work to self soothe or talk myself through it.

I was feeling annoyed for small things and I knew that it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t done something wrong. But I decided to talk to her about it. I didn’t want the feelings growing and causing issues and they weren’t going to sort themselves out.

Here are copy and pastes from our actual conversation :

Me: My explanation for feeling hurt is that **** told me she was taking Storm and I felt hurt because I offered twice and you didn’t respond at all to it. It made me feel like I did something wrong to break your trust. I am really emotionally sensitive right now and I know I’m having an *extremely* heightened emotional reaction to it but I can’t seem to let go of the bad feelings. And I know it’s not your fault. But also it just feels bad and I feel like I need to tell you about these feelings because I can’t let them go on my own. I could really use some reassurance.

Her: That’s so valid.

If context helps you feel less BPD, I was actually trying to figure whether to leave Storm at home or bring her to you but I needed to know my new start time at work with the new schedule before I’d know if I could make the timing work to drop her off with you after the ferry.

Then *** was sad about the breakup with *** and I offered to lend her Storm as an emotional support animal. I know she really struggles with being alone when she is sad. And I decided I could do without my dog temporarily. I can see how it would’ve seemed like I preferred having **** watch Storm.

But your BPD is very valid, I probably would’ve felt the same way under the circumstances. I hope you have a great day and I hope you know I love you. Also that I think you’re great with dogs and would have 100% wanted you to watch Storm this week.

( The name of the person watching her dog are blacked out for privacy reasons.) While she didn’t need to share the context, she chose to do that so she could better offer reassurance. I also want to point out that she validated my feelings. My emotional reaction was heightened but she still validated me. She also then offered reassurance for my specific concern (that I wasn’t trusted). She was patient and understanding. I was valid to need reassurance but her reaction to it was super valid and why it felt so safe to seek reassurance from her.

#personal #Gorlfriend the biked #I don’t know why I’m rambling today #but here we are

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ch3rrysuck3r · 1 year

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need more eddie roundtree fics on this website i’ll take anything from light smut to tooth-rotting fluff but please

OF COURSE DARLING!! your wishes r my commands. I've got a few requests for him, as soon as I get those out there's Eddie content for u guys!!

FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF cause my man is not happy enough tbh. (Don't worry tho, i have some smut requests i hope I get out this week!!)

ALSO, lets pretend Cami and Eddie never slept together, for the sake of their happiness. Eddie's hate for Billy simply comes from feeling like a second class citizen in a first class resort, like in the book!

Forever here, with you

Y/N Roundtree: Look, I love you. But I hated Billy. I say 'hated' because I haven't seen him in years, but, he was a proper asshole. I hope he's honest about that. You have no idea how many times I've had to keep Eddie from killing him.

Eddie Roundtree: He would be dead, probably, if it wasn't by Y/N. I think she might've been the one think that kept me grounded during the band. That kept it going for me. (Pause) Actually, no, I don't think. I know.

—————————

The band is playing in Las Vegas, for a sold out venue. It's one of their first shows for the tour, but so far, it's been going great.

The River is coming to an end, which means also is the show. As the final note plays, Billy is quick to thank the fans and leave stage, everyone following behind.

I start making my way to the back, where I'll be taken backstage. I finally reach the band once I'm out of the ocean of sweaty bodies and past security. As I make my way towards Eddie, I see Billy saying something to him and storming off. I can see Eddie's face from here, and he doesn't seem to be very happy. He is not angry, either, as he usually is after arguments with Billy.

"Hey!" I greet once I reach him, and his face lights up a little.

"Hey, gorgeous." His arms lift me up and spin me around, hugging me as tight as they can.

"Everything alright, Ed?"

He sighs deeply and rubs my arm. "Let's go back to the hotel, please?"

"Of course."

The hotel isn't that far away and the band was probably going to hang out backstage for a few more hours, so we decided to walk. It is a starry Tuesday night and the streets are not as busy. The shiny signs are enough to light the sidewalks. It's a silent walk. I know he's got things to say but I also know that any problem between him and Billy is too bad to talk about in public.

It doesn't take long to reach the Las Vegas Hilton, the receptionist greets us and I offer him a small smile. Eddie and I go into the elevator, hand in hand, and soon reach the comfort of our room.

I lay in bed and he needily cradles my body and sets himself on top of it, wrapping me in a bear hug. I run my fingers through his sweaty hair, feeling his chest rise and fall steadily.

"He didn't let me change some notes on the bass"

I sadden at the thought, knowing how sad this type of thing actually makes him feel. I try my best to comfort him with my actions as I think about something to say.

"He is an idiot."

He laughs against my neck and I smile a little.

"Okay, but actually; I know he gets to you and you have every reason to be as mad as you are. But you love the band, Eddie. And they need you. I am here for you, whenever and forever, you know that."

"I love you." He rasps onto my ear, lifting his head and pecking my lips. He holds both my arms against the headboard with a hand and keeps filling my face with quick kisses. I laugh andbfeel his lips against my teeth.

He abruptly stops and looks at me, in all seriousness.

"Marry me?"

—————————

Y/N: "What?!" (Laughs) I didn't know if he was being serious or not.

Eddie: Of course I was being serious. I knew I wanted to marry that woman the day I met her. I just had to wait for long enough to not seem a weirdo.

—————————

"Marry me?" He repeats the question with a laugh. My eyes water and I hug him. "Is that a 'yes'?"

"Of course it is a 'yes'."

"Great, let's go."

"Right now?!" He shoots me his million dollar smile.

"Of course right now, I can't wait to marry you."

I blush at the comment and make my way towards my suitcase, busting it open to look for something that may work like wedding attire.

"You do that, I'll go call Warren."

"Can you ring up Karen and Daisy for me, please?"

"Of course darling." He walks behind my body that seats on the floor. His hand grabs my neck, turning upwards my head and leaning down to give my lips a quick peck before leaving the room to look for a telephone booth.

I decide to wear a silver, long-sleeved dress. It's transparent enough you can see the outline of what's underneath, but I doubt it will matter. It reaches mid-thigh and is loose on my shoulders. I keep on the black boots I'm wearing and apply a bit of gloss to my lips. I see Eddie come back into the room in a forest green suit, no shirt underneath.

We both admire each other quietly. He clears his throat, eyes not leaving my body. I don't intend to peel mine off of his either.

"Warren was in his room, he let me borrow this so he's walking with us. Daisy and Karen are on their way to the chapel right now, they are taking Graham with them."

I thank him with a quick smile and kiss.

—————————

Warren Rojas: I don't remember much of that wedding, either. I know it didn't take us long to arrive to the chapel, tho. It was one of those classic ones in Las Vegas.

Karen Sirko: It was a beautiful chapel, very traditionally Vegas.

Graham Dunne: I remember Elvis Presley married them. (Laughs) Not actually him, you know. He'd pass a little less than a year before...great man.

Daisy Jones: I...don't remember much. (Laughs) I spent most of after the shows getting high and drunk. But I do remember that, once they said 'I do', Eddie picked her up in his arms and ran to the hotel, that was a few buildings down the street. We all ran behind them, screaming and popping champagne.

—————————

"Eddie Roundtree, do you take Y/N L/N to be your unlawfully wedded wife? To love, cherish and respect 'till the end?"

He grins at me and I do the same. "I do."

"Y/N L/N, so you take Eddie Roundtree to be your unlawfully wedded husband? To love, cherish and respect 'till the end?"

"I do."

"Then by the power given to me five minutes ago by this cheap chapel, I pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Roundtree. You may kiss the bride; I've got to attend another one of this."

We laugh and then kiss, cheers erupt from our drunk friends that stand besides us.

—————————

Billy Dunne: No, I was not invited to the wedding. I also couldn't care less, honestly. I always knew Eddie had something against me, I just payed no mind. I never had anything against him, I always tried to make him happy.

Eddie: We did actually get married, by the way. After the band split up an everything.

Y/N: It was the best day of my life. After the day our daughter was born, of course. But that's a story for another time.

#daisy jones and the six #djats #djats x reader #eddie roundtree #eddie roundtree x reader #eddie x reader #warren rhodes #warren rojas #daisy jones #karen sirko #graham dunne #billy dunne #camila alvarez

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ideas-scattered-dreams · 1 year

Text

Fandoms: Twisted wonderland

Bookshelf: Emotions released - anger.

ANGER (YOU'RE HERE) - SADNESS

I-imagine that...

You were stressed out lately.. more, more lately, grim being to much of a troublemaker, Crowley dumping his work on you, the Aduce duo, school! And just everything in general. You wish Crowley could hurry up and find a way for you to come back to your world. You scratched your head in frustration as sudden black ink dripped from your fingers..

You were walking in the halls carrying the stack of paperwork Crowley dumped on you again. And someone accidentally ran into making you land on the ground and paper flying everywhere. They said sorry and ran off. You were damn annoyed, now you have to pick up these paper work. When you started to pick one by one up, you heard echoing of shoes coming at your direction... It was Crowley.

"Prefect! What took you so long! Agh! And you made such a mess! You really are so dissaponting..." Crowley tsked as he just stand there and scolded you. You had your hair covering the Side of your face concealing your gritted teeth and angered eyes. You exhaled sharply and looked at Crowley. "I apologize headmage.. I'll pick these papers up quickly...." You said in between gritted teeth and darker ink dripping more on your legs and neck.

After that incident, you receive more and more paperwork, with the addition of the Troublemaker duo. You didn't know what to do, with all these problems you have on your plate. Exams were coming up, things to finish, projects to past! While on a walk in the halls with the trio. They tried to convince you to let them cheat off of you, but you refused as you were already tired to even follow on their antics.

They frowned as they complained saying some unintentional words like "your pretty lazy..." Etc. And that made you snap. You looked at them with angered eyes and gritted teeth. "What the hell do you know", they looked at you pretty surprised and was defensive. "Woah there, sorry to burst your bubble, were just stating the obvious!" ace laughed trying to ease up the tension going on. You, you had it with them! The paperwork, the school work, the trio and their troublemaker antics and Crowley being so LAZY!

"YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING! SO KEEP YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT!" You yelled loudly in the halls, some of the students that were there, looked at your direction. There was now ink very visible to the naked eye to see, the trio was shocked seeing the familiar ink..

"you don't know what I feel! You don't know what i have been through these past few weeks in this school! And you say those things so casually?!" You clenched your fist tightly, nails digging through your skin dripping blood. You walked towards them while they backed away looking scared.

"I have endured all the incident s that has happened here in NRC! The overblots, the issues with students, and Crowley's paperwork! And I don't even get a thank you nor a break!" You stopped on your tracks, you had angry tears in your eyes. The black ink was going up to your legs and arms. The trio panicked, "prefect it's alright! We understand your stress and your ang-" they were cut off by a scream from you.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ANGER!!"

Your scream made the surrounding walls crack and shake. Small debris were falling and students were running and screaming. You were almost consumed with blot.. just a bit more... "And even if you did, you would already be gone." As you said those words. you were finally consumed with the blot made by your anger.

A/n: I am so glad people liked my "sleep well your majesty" and I am currently working on part 2 as I couldn't help myself to finish it all.

#➥🌙dreamer.ideas #twisted wonderland #overblot reader #twisted wonderland x gn reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x male reader #twisted wonderland x female reader

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mrskokushibo · 8 months

Text

Reunion - NSFW

Erwin Smith x fem!reader

A/N: Requested by @malakmilli

Synopsis: Time apart makes time together very, very special...

Warnings: Smut+Sex+Mdni+18+

Wordcount: 0.8k

Masterlist

Heavy footsteps. His footsteps cross the floor of your room. No greetings, just his deep voice filled with annoyance and question.

‘You have been avoiding me. I know all about the injury. That is not something you hide from someone close to you, but I guess…We are not as close as I thought we were.’

His breath on your neck, close enough to cause you to shiver, far enough to feel the distance that just grew between you. You feel so much right now. Regret – why wasn’t he the first to know? Shame – you disappointed him and hurt his feelings. Sadness – will he leave you? Lust – your body tells you how much you truly need him…

‘I-I did not want to worry you. You were so busy.’ You spoke without turning around from where you stood. Your cheeks burning from how much you wanted him right now.

‘I am not angry. Like I said, I am disappointed. There is a difference.’ His voice softened a bit.

You turned around to face him. After a few weeks of not seeing him at all, you were hit by how handsome he was. It is not that you forgot. It is just that the passage of time made him more of a fantasy figure than a real man in your mind. But now, having him in person again, right in front of you, you were ready to receive whatever he was willing to give you. If he was willing to give you anything…

‘I missed you.’ You whispered in a weak voice.

He left that unanswered…but only for a moment. Because a few seconds later his hand was on the back of your head, pulling you in to a kiss. Soft lips reintroducing themselves to each other, tongues exploring what was hidden for the past weeks. His taste in your mouth…You wanted more. You placed your hands around his neck, pressing yourself into him.

You tilted your head back and his lips were now on your neck. Hungry kisses hailing down on the soft skin. Shivers were exploding in your stomach and across your spine, a thousand butterflies taking their flight, igniting a fire in your core, ready to welcome him, to cherish him.

‘Take me. I can’t wait any longer.’

He pushed you toward the nearby desk, and lifted you up by the fat of your generous ass. He groaned as he unbuttoned your blouse and took your breasts out of your bra. Rolling your nipples between his large fingers and kissing your neckline, soon he was moving one hand between your legs and spreading you open. You fumbled with his belt, unzipped his pants, and impatiently pulled his pants and boxers down to grab hold of the hardness you so longed to feel inside you.

You pumped him a bit, making him moan quietly and you squirted on his fingers as he kept skillfully pleasuring you with two scissoring fingers. When you could not wait any longer you grabbed hold of his firm, hard ass and pulled him to you, angling yourself for him to slip into you with one strong move.

You moaned as he entered and kept making louder and louder noises as he began thrusting, his hungry hips claiming you at a fast and rough pace. Your pussy was milking him, your juices flowing down onto the desk. Skin slapping skin, desk hitting against the wall, him almost growling in pleasure, this was all making you go wild. So wild that when his thrusts picked up in pace, you exploded in an orgasmic eruption, causing you to squirt copiously and almost shake in the violence of the pleasure you were experiencing. A release of weeks of pent-up tension, it took double digits in seconds for you to stop climaxing. You were almost delirious while he kept his relentless pace.

He pulled out and with one forceful move of his strong arms, he flipped you around and bent you over the desk, pushing himself inside you and fucking you as rough and hard as if he wanted to show you his disappointment. He would not have done it this way if he did not know that you liked it this way. He spread you ass cheeks to go deeper and a few moments later the desk almost crashed into the wall as he came, pumping in and out of you, emptying a huge load of cum deep up to your cervix.

‘Lick me clean. I need to go back to my office straight after this.’

As he pulled out, you knelt in front of him, lapping it all up eagerly, while staring into his angelic sky-blue eyes. His hands gently caressing your head and playing with your hair. His voice was barely audible when he whispered.

‘I missed you, my love… Don’t ever keep me estranged again.’

Artwork by Art of Neight

Banner by @cafekitsune

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lyssaterald · 5 months

Text

Take Flight, Part?: Stood Up

Content Warning: General spoilers for the main story. Minors and ageless accounts do not interact! First person writing, named character, and slight mentions of character’s past and history which are not expanded upon as they are not important to this chapter. Weirdly, I switch between past and present tense. Sorry, not sorry. Unbeta read.

SMUT: LucixMCxDia

Word count is around 6k and was supposed to be PwoP but developed plot as I went, lol.

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Staring at the empty chair in Ristorante Six where Lucifer was supposed to be sitting made me angry and sad at the same time, and also made my gut twist in ways I hadn’t felt since before he and Dia had accidentally kidnapped me to the Devildom in the first place. Swirling the Demonus in my glass and sipping at it while the staff glanced quickly to me and then away as they took other customer orders was very humiliating. The reservation had been made by him under his name for the two of us where we were to meet up after we had each finished our work or school for the week and spend a few hours together outside HoL and away from his brothers.

How many times had I texted Lucifer now?

My thoughts had gone a little wild over the last hour since he had failed to arrive at his self-appointed time to start our date. Had something happened? Was HoL on fire? What if Mammon or them had done something to distract him? Maybe there had been a prank gone wrong or Diavolo had kept him over for a meeting they were having?

But my D.D.D has been silent for most of the day. Asmo has found out about our date and insisted on getting together my outfit for the evening (a somewhat racy little black number with red and black lingerie) and had even promised to keep his oher five brothers distracted for a few hours tonight. And Asmo usually pestered me about my nights with Luci when he could feel when I was horny and knew when I’d spent a satisfying evening with one of my two lovers. So…that was probably what was going on with Luci’s brothers and he or Diavolo usually text if a meeting is going to interfere with plans we had set before the plans take place. So…

Was this a subtle way of punishing me or telling me that he was unhappy with something I had done? But Luci was usually fairly direct in when he was unhappy with something. Flirting was a subtle thing with him in public. Our disagreements had been…heated…but also resolved in private and…sometimes…with sex. We had never had a public disagreement…

Or, and this was what was making my gut twist, was he breaking up with me? And had just lost his nerve or something?

I’d done that before with others back home. I know the reasons I am unattractive as a mate to those individuals, but…since arriving at the Devildom…Diavolo and the seven Avatars had all been courting or showing possessive, familial behavior.

This wasn’t normal with them.

Lucifer was fucking prideful. If he had lost interest in the relationship, he would have said so. So…

That’s why I had stayed for an hour and tried multiple times to call and text him, to which there had been no reply and there had been just the gut-churning anxiety. So…so, I met the eyes of one of the waiters and waved them down after setting aside the glass of Demonus and gave them my best smile with my hands folded under my chin.

“What was the charge the last time Beel was here?”

“Si-six-m-m-m-m-m-million grimm,” the waitress stutters nervously and I instantly feel bad.

The Avatars are some of their rulers and I live with them.

“Has the bill been satisfied?” I ask kindly.

“N-not…exactly,” the demoness tells me and casts her eyes down and away further.

I want to scream in frustration over the negligence that they get into…instead, I simply smile and pull out the cards that Diavolo and Lucifer both gave me and hand them over. “Bill six times the leftovers of that bill to both cards and then half that for a tip for all the server staff that deal with Beel on a regular basis, but make sure to take what you need from the cards for your month, too,” I tell her and she looks like she is about to burst into tears. “What is your name?”

“R-r-r-r-Raya.” She is sobbing now and everyone is looking on, but I give zero fucks.

I reach towards her and she gives me her hand automatically and then I tumble up and into her, giggling. If Luci wants to make a scene or forget me, I will make this demon’s month. Especially since she seems to be having a bad day or week…or year.

“The kitchens, please,” I whisper to her amidst my sudden giggling. I stumble and giggle as she leads me towards the kitchens. As soon as we are out of view of the public eye, I smile and thank her and then wait for her to charge the two cards to be returned. It takes a few minutes, but the looks the staff are giving me shift from pitying to straight up adoration and I have to wonder when the last time they were tipped generously. It’s something I’ll have to shake into the Avatars, apparently. The manager straight up cries when I leave both cards on file for the next time that Beel visits them and I leave them instructions on how to reach me if any of the Avatars get rowdy or leave an open bill.

Their gratuity and the way that I was stood up makes me pissed. Shoving my hands in my pockets and embracing the dark mood without reservation makes the usual demons who would harass me flare off and hide in the darker corners of the market.

My D.D.D has been silent this whole time despite close to a dozen calls and texts that I had sent to Lucifer. Either he’s ignoring his phone or he is dead and both options have their appeal right now.

The one night I feel like getting into a fight and no one tries to pull something. Some of the local children who recognize my more human form run to greet me and “steal” the leftovers that I took from the Ristorante Six employees for them. I can’t help the smile I give the “blob” child that was the distraction and slip them an extra treat for letting their friends practice on me. Once they are gone, tho, it’s hard to maintain the smile as this is just another reminder of how broken systems can be.

It's an odd reflection to see how children are forgotten amongst different cultures. For my dame’s, they are always hyper aware of how precious children could be, but as soon as we hit maturity that’s another story and leaves us open to all the blood prejudice that the species can harbor. Here? I am standing in front of the burnt out building that harbors the refuge for the children of the Devildom’s capital. Dia is a special kind of ruler, but even he can’t do everything.

A frustrated hiss leaves me and I feel the eyes of the children on me before I drop the rest of the food off for them and then turn away to allow the privacy they want for the scavenging they will do from the offering. I pretend not to hear the light, hurried footsteps or delighted exclamations of joy over such a little thing. It makes me want to shake Dia or break out of the Devildom early so I can bring these kids to my mother to be adopted amongst the clans, but I still don't know enough about their developmental lifespan.

For now, this has to be enough.

With Luci…

I have to pause and scowl at the dirt under my feet for a hot second as I contemplate what I want to do. My D.D.D. goes off in my pocket and I pull it out, smiling instantly at the notice. Dia. Our other lover, the one that hadn’t forgotten me once since coming here.

Dia: Barbatos informs me that you just spent a large sum of money at Ristorante Six. Did you two have fun?

Me: Nope. You free?

Dia: I have several stacks of paperwork, but I would love to see you later. Perhaps that will serve as motivation to finish everything tonight. Should I be worried?

Frowning at the screen, I leave him on read for a moment as I collect my thoughts. My relationship with Luci is a little more intense because he is a sadist and likes to try to dominate the relationship where I feel it is unnecessary. Him standing me up tonight is just a new tactic that he hasn’t used before and it hurts, because I’ve been forgotten by others but never someone this important to me.

Dia and I have a little more...complex...of a relationship. It made our start a little rough because he had technically kidnapped the daughter of a dragon royal and he himself being a prince had set us on the entirely wrong foot. It was his persistence and warmth that had drawn me in where others had hurt me before.

So...

My heart was aching and Dia had never stood me up before. In fact, he was consistently trying to find ways to keep me and Lucifer with him for an extra couple of hours, however childish and inane those were sometimes were.

So...

Dia: Should I be worried?

His repeat in his text makes me smile and seals my decision. It's an easy one to make now that I reflect on things again.

Me: No. Lucifer stood me up and has ignored my calls. So, it wasn't very fun and I am coming over for a few days if that's ok?

The anxiety in my stomach is a knot as I hit send and watch the little dots that indicate he is typing something. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed...

Dia: I would love to have you over for a few days! Is everything else alright? Do you want me to do anything?

The little flutters in my stomach with his easy acceptance and offer of help leave me blushing a little. My bad mood evaporates a little more, but I retain a little niggling doubt because demons are so much like dragons.

Me: Did you do anything directly or indirectly that would have kept Luci from our date tonight?

Dia: Never. He's been working so hard recently, I thought it was a great idea for you two to have this date tonight. I'm shocked and very disappointed that he missed it.

Dia: But I am quite happy at the chance to have you to myself for a few days.

He's already planning how he can keep me in the palace all for himself for the next few days. After everything, all the heartbreak and the doubts and the second guessing, it's a hot feeling in my stomach to know that I am wanted. But...I know the boundaries I have to set. Lest things get out of hand.

Me: 48 hours, at a max, of making them hunt for me. We can arrange something else later down the line.

Dia: Deal. Now come over before I hunt you down.

Perhaps a thrilling thought for a different day...

It's exactly 48 hours later that Diavolo allows Lucifer to find us in his office. Lucifer is hovering on the threshold, his crimson eyes tracking the way that one of Dia's undershirts hangs off a shoulder and how I sit away from him on Dia's lap. He can clearly see the new and fading hickeys on my skin that Dia left there and knows for a fact that I don't keep clothes at the castle, so he also knows I am sitting in Dia's lap in nothing more than this shirt.

But I ignore him for now.

Diavolo bites the strawberry out of my fingers and glares over my shoulder as the study door clicks shut behind us. He takes my wrist and begins to delicately suck the juice from each finger. His golden eyes flash to mine and I just return his amusement with one of chagrin.

"Dia," I breathe at him and his gaze darkens.

"You've been hiding her," Lucifer observes. "For two days. My brothers have been mounting a very large search effort." It's a subtle dig at my feelings for his brothers and it turns my hard gaze to the scarlet, slitted gaze.

"Good for you," I say mildly, tuning back to Dia to sink my teeth into his neck, surprising a moan out of our lover.

"Lyssa, I do not believe this is the-" Lucifer begins.

"Fuck off and shut up or leave," I cut in, tugging at Dia's buttons. A glance up at his face confirms that he is totally invested in this, not that I had doubted his erection or the gentle hands on my hips.

"Lord Diavolo, this is hardly the time to-" Lucifer began again.

It was remarkably easy to launch myself off Diavolo's lap, plant a foot on his desk and leap at Lucifer, wings flaring in aggression. He caught me with his arms around my waist as we toppled over with my momentum. Lucifer landed on his back with a soft grunt and me straddling his hips with my hands on his shoulders, wings still flared as I stared down at his slightly parted lips.

"Two days and this is what you have to say for yourself?" I ask him, struggling to maintain the mildness of before. "Was this your way of saying it's over? Or are you just tired of spending time with me? What was more important two nights ago that kept you from even calling?" The tears are hard to choke back once my fears are voiced and his stare only remains blank and shocked. "Fine, I get it," I mutter and lean away from him, allowing my wings to Veil.

I attempt to push to my feet, but his hands tighten on my his as he purses his lips and studies me. "Two nights ago, I was dealing with Mammon and Satan for having broken into my study and stolen-"

"Let go of me," I snarl at him, but he doesn't budge.

"Allow me to explain," he says with infuriating patience.

"No." The word is a shriek of pain that has Diavolo wrenching me into his chest and knocking Lucifer's hands away from me.

"That's enough, Lucifer," Diavolo says with cutting gentleness as he strides towards the couch where he settles me in his lap. My arms wrap around his neck and I am sobbing into his neck as two days of pent up fear explode out of me in silent, wrenching gasps and tears. "Lyssa has been hiding with me since you stood her up two nights ago."

There is a slight scuff of shoes on the floor and the rustle of clothes as Lucifer tries to approach us, but Dia removes his hand from my waist and must hold him at arms length. His thigh muscles tighten and ripple beneath mine as he fights with himself, but I keep my head buried in his shoulder until the tears have eased and the shaking has ceased.

Dia's gentle hand through my hair rouses me and I look up at his concerned gaze, noting somewhere in my head that his other arm is still raised. "D?" I ask muzzily.

His lips are gentle on mine, a comforting touch after so much fear and a reminder that I am wanted. It's when his tongue slides with mine and begins stoking the embers of the earlier arousal that he jerks his extended arm and there's a gasp and thud that startles me from the kiss.

Turning to look behind us, I find Lucifer surprisingly close to us. More surprising is that he's on his knees in front of us, his hands on Diavolo's knees, and Dia's hand fisting his collar. Lucifer's expression is so fractured that I almost reach out to him.

A glance at Diavolo finds a molten, golden gaze flickering between us. Placing a kiss on his jaw lands that gaze on me and it softens into something gentle. "Are you feeling better, Lys?" he asks.

It's hard not to blush under the realization that they had watched me ugly cry into Diavolo's uniform. "A little," I mutter.

"Do you want answers from him now?" he asks. "Or do I send him away?"

He's giving me the control so easily that I stare at him for a second, then glance at Lucifer's desperate gaze. They're normally the dominant ones, the ones calling the shots and making the decisions in our relationship. It's not that I'm a submissive for them, it's just easier to flow along with them and more fun most of the time, whether in bed or in public.

"Lys," Lucifer says quietly and then gasps when Diavolo fists a hand in his hair and yanks his head back.

"Or we can punish him and get answers later?" Diavolo suggests thoughtfully, snaking an arm around my waist to shift me to straddle his thighs and face Lucifer, who has dropped his hands from Dia's knees. The blush deepens as Diavolo's erect cock rubs at my ass through his slacks. "I have a few ideas," he breathes into my ear and ruts gently into my bare ass. "But it's up to you, sweetling. We can stop and cuddle for the rest of the night if that's what you want."

Arousal overwhelms the fear and last traces of sadness as I study our positions. Diavolo has left the decisions to me tonight even with how clearly obvious what he wants is. But...

"Ease up a little, Dia. He can hardly breathe let alone answer a question," I request and Diavolo instantly releases him to lean back and slide his hands along my bare thighs as he continued his gentle ruts into me. They feel good and I arrange myself so that he's rutting into my core and not my ass. I lean forward towards Luci, who is watching us with growing hunger, and place my hands on Dia's knees to support myself.

Lucifer leans eagerly towards me to accept my kiss, but I knock his hands away when he reaches for me. He settles for twisting his gloved fingers into Diavolo's pants by my hands where I place them again. For a long minute, it's a desperate flurry of movement as Lucifer yields to my tongue and Diavolo's ruts turn into not-so-gentle grinding with his hands hard on my hips. I have to yank myself back from the kiss to breath and Dia halts his movements, though he does so with a desperate groan.

"Are you done with the relationship between you and I, Lucifer? And I am not talking about the sex. I ask about the emotional commitment we made to each other independent of everything between the three of us," I tell him and he almost surged in to hug me but Dia stopped him with a hand to his throat.

"She hasn't given permission for you to touch, Morningstar," Diavolo growled behind me.

Lucifer hits his knees again, his hands fisted in Dia's slacks close to where mine rest again. I lean back into Diavolo's broad chest and deny him even that closeness. His scarlet eyes flash with something like fear when he presses against Dia's hand.

"No, Lys, never," he answers and draws breath to say more but I press a finger to his lips and he stills.

"If I asked you to beg, would you?" I ask, feeling Diavolo widen our legs a little and groan softly.

Lucifer looked conflicted for a second but then nodded and felt heat rushed through me. Pride's embodiment had stood me up, but I had him on his knees now, willing to beg. I slipped a finger under his chin and rubbed his lips with my thumb. His tongue darted out to wet the digit and I slipped it into his mouth to let him suck on. I could feel Diavolo harden further beneath me.

"You're going to kill me, sweetling," Diavolo groaned with a sharp thrust that had me gasping.

"Then fuck me while I decide what we do with Luci," I ground out.

That was all the encouragement it took for Diavolo to lift me off his lap, unbuckle and free himself before he slammed my hips down to his in one sharp thrust. Stars burst behind my eyes at the slight burn of his girth stretching my cunt. Then his hands tightened on me so my hips wouldn't move and his thrusts were so long and deep that he fucked the strength out of my arms. I could only fall towards Lucifer and cling to his shoulders while I whimpered and gasped into his neck.

Diavolo didn't pause in his thrusts when I felt Lucifer move. He slapped the fallen angles hand down and growled. Then he leaned over my back and spread my legs to change the angle and was suddenly hitting that spot that had me almost screaming and then biting sharply into Luci's neck to muffle myself as I clenched down on Diavolo's cock with the force of my orgasm.

"Mine," he growled at our lover. "You left her alone, so mine until she allows your claim again."

The tears that slid down my face as he leaned back and continued to fuck me through my orgasm weren't entirely from oversensitivity. Wanted wasn't something I had felt a lot of throughout my life and this man, this demon prince, was claiming me. I could only curl my toes around his ankles and attempt to rock back into his body to be closer to him.

The taste of copper on my tongue had me squeezing and clenching on Dia's cock again and whimpering through another orgasm. Blood. Life blood, at that. I relaxed my jaw and just let myself float while he continued to use me as a fleshlight to chase his own orgasm and exhaust his stamina a little.

Heat filled my cunt as he thrust one last time and shot his seed into me. I was a whimpering mess and Luci's gasping breaths in my ear was the only grounding thing that kept me awake.

"Please," Luci breathed into my ear.

"Mmm," I hummed at him as I continued to lap at his blood, still oozing a little from the wound left by my fangs.

He shifted forward so that more of my weight rested on his chest. "Please, Lys," he continued. "I'll beg, but please let me touch you. I'm sorry. Please."

The memory of humiliation and fear rose in my chest and I growled at his words. He'd left me there with all those eyes on me in a public venue. Lucifer had forgotten me. Begging wouldn't reverse that humiliation or fear or the tears or the doubt it had caused.

"No," I told him, tears gathering.

Diavolo's warm hands slid up my stomach and gently cupped my breasts as he carefully shifted me back to lean into him. I groaned in protest of the heat but he slipped the shirt gently off me and it was a relief I hadn't realized I needed until I was gently kissing his neck. All while Dia was still rock hard in me.

Sated once for a demon wasn't the same kind of round as compared to a human, but he was kind enough to care for me and wait if I needed it. I groaned at Dia's tweaking of my nipples and sucking more bruises into my skin.

"Dia, please," I whimpered and his attentions eased except to wrap his arms around my cold breasts and continue to suck different hickeys into my neck. When he rocked into me again, his pace was gentle and slow and had me squirming in his arms as heat gently pooled in my stomach and spread until I was boneless on him.

"I love you, sweetling," he whispered into my ear as I came around his cock, squeezing and milking him through his own orgasm. His fingers were gentle as he wiped my tears away and continued to kiss me. "What do you want to do?"

Gold and scarlet gazes met and held before Luci dropped his from Diavolo's. "I'll leave if you want me to, Lys," he said quietly, moving to push himself to his feet.

My hand darted out and snatched his tie, pulling him in close for a kiss. Diavolo assisted in dragging him closer to us by grabbing a handful of his vest and pulling him flush. For a moment, Lucifer's hands fluttered at my sides before settling in Dia's hips and pressing as close as possible to us. For once, he didn't try and control the kiss as our tongues slid together with easy languidness.

I don't know how long the kiss lasted but a soft knock and a click had us pulling apart and looking over at Barbatos. "The other six avatars have arrived and are demanding to see Lyssa and Lucifer." He looked as unruffled as ever even as a blush dusted my cheeks and I was basically speared on Diavolo's cock in front of him. All three of them looked at me. Barbatos gaze held just a hint of amusement, Lucifer looked conflicted, and Diavolo just grinned at me. "Shall I pass along a message to them that you three are, shall we say, indisposed?" The amusement in his voice left me further blushing and hiding my face in Luci's neck.

"Yes, thank you, Barbatos," Diavolo said merrily. "If there is nothing more?"

"Just a reminder that you have several important meetings with outlying principalities tomorrow and paperwork that you have fallen behind on these last few days,"Barbatos said crisply and we both winced at that one. It hadn't been my intention, but I had distracted us from his work as the Devildom's prince.

My fingers slipped through Luci's hair as I considered him and frowned. I still wasn't anywhere close to being ready to forgive him but I also didn't want to go home just yet. His brothers would be barking up all sorts of trees, especially Asmo and Mammon.

There must have been something in my expression because Barbatos' next words were softened and aimed directly at me. "There is nothing today that cannot be pushed back until tomorrow, Lyssa. I will see to Lucifer's brothers and ensure that they are taken care of tonight. Reconciliation is more important to you and the Young Master at present and so should be prioritized," he said and I glanced up at him and wince back from the sympathetic gaze.

"So how far has the story traveled?" I ask, setting my chin on Lucifer's head.

"Not far at all. The employees who were present as well as some of the chattier guests have either been dealt with or bribed to keep quiet on the matter," Barbatos replied and Lucifer winced at that one. "Although, as it turns out, none of the staff would say one word of the incident until I myself spoke to them." There was a hint of amusement and pride in his voice that made me further blush. "That being said, I do believe I shall take my leave to ensure that Beel has not devoured the contents of the kitchen." The door clicked quietly shut behind him and left the three of us in silence.

"So," I said into that silence. "Barbatos and your brothers have now all seen me naked." It was difficult to keep a relationship like ours private in a house of seven rowdy brothers who all liked to burst randomly into Lucifer's room and study over little things. Diavolo's unhappy growl startled me into looking back at him. His lips were furrowed in a deep frown. "I am not moving to the palace just because my roommates lack personal space boundaries. You know they would just all follow me here. And no, that's not a good idea either. They need space to be themselves and you need to keep up some appearances."

He was actually pouting at that and I could only chuckle at his expression before laying a kiss on his jaw. Then, my gaze flickered to Lucifer again, who was watching me with an expression of mixed longing and frustration. It twinged a little at my conscience that he was still on his knees waiting for something that would set things right with us. I pushed at his shoulders and he sat back on his heels.

To Diavolo, I said, "I need to get cleaned up and Lucifer and I need to talk." I saw the excuses to accompany us brewing and added, "Alone. And you need to catch up on some of your work." The pout intensified and I laughed. "Just because Barbs gave you blanket approval for today doesn't mean you should abuse it. Just give us some space and we'll have dinner in your rooms tonight."

It wasn't so easy to extract myself from Dia's grip but I managed it and snagged the shirt he had tossed aside while he made himself presentable again. The kiss he dropped on me when I turned around was both sweet and gentle, making me lean into it until I realized what he was trying to do. I broke away with a laugh and smacked his shoulder. "I will see you in a bit, love," I told him and he smiled.

Lucifer was still kneeling where we had left him and his expression brought me up short. He was staring at Dia with unbridled jealousy? Dia must have seen the look but had chosen to ignore it.

"Luci?" I asked, holding out a hand to him.

The expression melted away as he took my fingers in his and shifted to his feet. We stared at each other for a moment before I pulled him along behind me. The walk to a guest room was quiet with nothing more than the tap of my bare feet on the marble. The servants that we passed gave us a sidelong glance but didn't even blink at the sight of Luci and I. It was an open secret among them that Diavolo and Lucifer had become involved with the "human." They also knew better than to gossip about us, lest Barbatos overhear something.

We took the first guest room we came across and Lucifer opened the door for me to enter before him. By the time he had closed it, I had bounced down onto the bed to watch his approach. What surprised me was that he knelt in front of me and settled between my legs, draping his arms over my thighs so as to touch me without actually touching me. Draping my own arms over his shoulders, I leaned into him and pressed our foreheads together.

"So, you're not done with this relationship but you still stood me up at the restaurant," I summarized for him and then kissed him into silence when he would have spoken. "Let me guess, Mammon broke into your study and Satan used that as a chance to steal your phone. Your entire calendar was deleted somehow and you spent the evening distracted by punishing your brothers."

"Levi-Levi erased the phone's contents," Lucifer said thickly. "Without knowing it was mine. Asmo was the one to remind me. He was...livid." His lips on mine were tentative and a question and he drew back when I didn't reciprocate. "I missed you by ten minutes." It wasn't an apology, but I had denied him of that earlier. "By then your phone was off and it took me too long to get anything out of the staff."

"Hours, Luci," I said mildly and the regret in his expression almost broke my anger, but not quite. "You made me feel unwanted and left me humiliated in public. If we didn't have Diavolo in this with us, I probably would have gone home, sparked a giant fight, and dumped you." I rubbed a hand across his throat, enjoying the little hitch in his breathing. "Instead, I made you and your brothers run around the Devildom for two days while I was here with Dia."

"They were all worried sick," he said distractedly.

"And I'll have a chat with them tomorrow. For now, let's focus on us, yes," I tell him.

"What...can I do to make it up to you?" he asked, pushing a little more into my space. It was like he could sense the cooling of my ire. "Let me make it up to you." His tone had dropped to sultry and he was starting to push me back into the bed, leveraging his knees under mine to usher me back. I didn't resist, but I gave him absolutely no help.

"If I say no?"

He froze, halfway to getting me to his intended destination. "Then I would ask for a chance to court you again, to show that this is not something that will happen again. To show that you can still trust me."

"And if I asked for something else to give you that chance?"

"Anything," he promised, stretching his body out along mine on the bed.

My hands on his face bring him down to kiss me and I let him get away with that...for now. "What have I said about that word?" I chide him.

He actually smiles at that, relief beginning to ease in. "To be careful of it unless we could give you the whole of the realm," he answered, the old disagreement coming easier with time. "Because one day you might actually take up that offer and we look forward to it."

"Then it's a good thing I'm not Madrigora," I tease him right back.

"If you were Maddi the Great witch, we would not have fallen for you," he stated, running his fingers over my face. His kiss is easy, then. "What would you ask in return for the chance to court you again?"

"The usual. Just promise not to use and discard me if you ever get tired of me. Don't do it again," I say and if my voice is a little tight then he chooses to overlook it with another easy kiss.

"Of course, my heart," he whispers against my skin. "I will swear it in blood if you want me to. I will never tire of you and I will never stand you up again."

I let him have his way for a little while, just touching and cuddling with kisses to reacquaint ourselves with each other. It's as I can feel his desire is awakening that I pull back with the broadest smile I have ever given him. Slipping my arms around his neck, he returns my smile without a hint of a clue as to what I am going to do next.

"Luci?"

"Hmm..."

"I never gave you permission to touch." He freezes above me and seems to do a review of the last hour. "Me giving you my hand does not imply an invitation to touch."

His shrewd look makes me laugh and I can't resist the urge to run my hands through his dark locks. "Well, my heart, what shall we do about this infraction on my part?"

I give him an amused look. "Let's start with a bath and go from there." The bath itself is a fun way to reconnect with him and he takes exaggerated care to implore my permission with every touch. By the time we were done and dressed with clothes Barbatos had somehow laid out for us, the bathroom was sopping wet with water everywhere.

When we stepped out of the room, the servants waited for all of three seconds before rushing in. The way they still wouldn't look at me had bothered me before but it didn't any more after I found out what they had tried and Barbs fierce reeducation among their ranks.

One of the succubi directed us towards the gardens that Dia was fond of and it was an easy walk as we discussed his brothers and the roles they had played. Levi was ruled innocent because it seemed like Satan had tricked Levi into the prank, thinking it would lessen guilt by association. Belphie had slept through the entire thing. Beel hadn't had anything to do with it. Asmo had attempted to fix the issue when he had learned of it and we both agreed that Mammon had been uninvolved except to break in in the first place and steal something unrelated.

It was as we approached the gardens that we first heard the soft murmur of familiar voices and then Asmo's high laugh. Barbatos was whisking away a tray of empty dishes when he caught sight of us. He gave me a chagrined look and then carried on his way.

Everyone was present and chatting happily, except Mammon and Levi, over several trays of food. Two servants flitted about here and there refilling glasses and food. One seemed intent on keeping Beel's plate full and preventing him from consuming the table, untensils, plates, glassware, or anything else of a non-consumable variety. Mammon and Satan were sitting on complete opposite sides of the table, Satan involved in his own conversation with Levi over a book. Levi kept glancing around nervously and then froze when he saw me on Lucifer's arm. Asmo kept sliding up to the second servant and getting handsy, which he didn't seem to mind and even seemed to enjoy the attention. Belphie was snoring against his twin's shoulder. Mammon's face went white when he saw us, too.

"Lys!" Mammon yelled and sprang up to half sprint at me and engulf me in a hug. He completely missed the flash of jealousy on Diavolo's face at the action.

Asmo abandoned the servant to sweep in on the hug. Beel waved happily at us and carefully did not wake his youngest brother. Everyone else just stared at us in varying degrees of fear and-in Satan's case-seething rage.

I wrapped an arm around Mammon and Asmo's necks and let them lift me off the ground. It was when Asmo went for a butt grope that I shrieked with laughter and swatted him off. At least he knew he was safe.

"Where ya been, Lys? I been worried sick about ya," Mammon muttered into my hair before releasing me.

"I've been right here," I answered him, floating over to Diavolo and kissing his forehead. The crease in his lips eased a bit as he caught my hand and kissed my palm before letting me drift away. I didn't usually flaunt my romantic relationships openly in front of them, but

"I'm sure you had a grand old fucking time while we were looking for you," Satan sneered at me.

I smiled at him. "And whose fault is that, Tantan?" I shoot back sweetly and he flinches at that. He hasn't liked me using his nickname since I became involved with his brother and his lord.

I walk towards him, opening our pact just enough that his cold, twisted wrath can leak through and touch my even colder rage. There was so much pain laced through my rage that he flinched back from me and refused to meet my eye. Instead, I leaned down to his eye level and waited for him to look at me out from under his mop of blonde hair, his lips twisted in an unhappy frown.

"No one and, I mean no one, gets to make me feel unwanted and humiliated in any capacity," I tell him.

Satan knew what I was driving at, knew what I was saying, but he chose to ignore it anyway. His smile was so stiff and fake that it hurt just to look at it. "So I guess you and Lucifer are done, then," he shot back.

"Satan!" Asmo gasps in horror and even Mammon is staring at their brother, aghast.

In answer, I smile and turn away from him, stalking towards the frowning first-born. I don't give him time to react when I seize his golden belt and pull him in close for a passionate kiss that he returns. Asmo's gasp and the click of a camera are the only sounds as I wrap an arm around Luci's neck to prolong the sensation. I let myself enjoy the kiss for a good minute and then lean back. His eyes are half lidded and roving my body hungrily. Glancing over my shoulder, I grinned at the horribly blushing Satan.

"I guess not," I said.

"Do that again," Asmo says happily.

"No, Asmo," I return. "I think once made my point."

"Oh, yes, it made a point for me that I'll thoroughly enjoy later," he said with a wink. "And several other points, if you catch my drift." He subtly nodded at Diavolo who was studying us in a way that made me suddenly self-conscious.

"Yes, well. You'll be deleting that photo, Asmo," Lucifer cut in. "Hand your phone over so that I am sure it's gone."

Asmo clutched his phone protectively. "No! I never get any good photos of you and that was perfect!" Lucifer growled and stalked off after his brother when Asmo took off.

Satan was silent after that, his angry gaze tracking my every move. Diavolo let me float around between the other four brothers for a while, soothing and cajoling them in each their own way. I could see Mammon thinking he had gotten away with everything as he became more relaxed and animated through the meal. The demonus was eventually brought out and a disgruntled Asmo and Luci returned. Diavolo snagged my waist and pulled me into his lap and all chatter ceased for a moment, even the servants. Then Asmo started admonishing Lucifer for taking out a chunk of his photos instead of just the one.

The servants nervously glanced at each other and then returned to their respective tasks. Beel continued to shovel food into his mouth and Belphie was still asleep. Satan turned an interesting shade of magenta. Levi continued on pestering Mammon about Grimm he was owed.

"Feeling possessive?" I teased Dia quietly.

"Jealous," he admitted, pressing a kiss to my neck.

We didn't usually advertise the relationship even if it was an open secret among the brothers and palace servants. "Why?" I asked him, trailing a hand through auburn locks.

He looked conflicted for a second and then gave me his public smile and I almost smacked him. I hate that smile, the look of genial mirth in which no one could ever penetrate deep enough to find the demon below. It was his lonely smile.

"You came to me but you go home with them in the morning," he said lightly. "It's been nice having you here the last two days."

Ah.

And suddenly, reading his behavior is so much easier from today. He's struggling with the idea that I am abandoning him after getting a taste of something that he wanted. Luci comes when called for dinner and evening activities but I chose to run to him during a potential relationship ending screw up on Luci's part and now the problem has been more or less resolved. I chose and I stayed and now it's bringing up some of his issues with abandonment now that I leave in the morning again.

"Not yet, Diavolo," I murmured to him. "You can't just end thousands of years of society and not see bloodshed and war. You're doing this the right way if you want a demon male consort and female, non-demon consort and do what is right for your people." I placed a lingering kiss on his temple as he pressed an ear over my heart.

The servants were looking at us again and I frowned at them until they ducked their heads and went about their duties again. I made no mention of the odd behavior again as Diavolo continued to hold me close. It was Mammon's eye that I caught and nodded towards Asmo when he kept making passes at the receptive servant. There was simply something I hadn't liked about those interactions and it was better safe than sorry. Meanwhile the others continued to wind down and Luci had a few glasses of demonus to be completely relaxed and Dia did the same, becoming progressively more handsy with me under the table. It's when I intercepted Dia's hands again on my knee that Barbatos appeared with what looked like night caps for everyone.

Beel was watching me closely as he kept an eye on Belphie and Levi, keeping the latter from tipping over into his own food. Asmo had vanished a bit ago to find a different bed partner with Mammon hot on his tail and Satan...was still watching us from where he was slumped in his own little corner. Diavolo noticed the intent of Satan's gaze and set his chin in my shoulder. Satan turned a bright red under his lord's sudden regard but refused to drop his gaze.

Diavolo's smirk catches me off guard as does the sudden way that he grips the top of my thigh under my dress. His possessive kiss and the slide of his fingers into my core have me gasping against him when his thumb gently circles my clit. His other hand settles on my hip and keeps me from bucking into the feeling and all I can do is grip his dress shirt as he fucks me hard on those fingers. The sudden stop has me clenching on him and whining.

"Mine," he rasps at me and I try for a kiss that he denies me. "Say it and I'll make you cum."

"Yours," I snarl and then scream as he plunges his fingers in again and grinds down on my clit. The smirk he directs over my shoulder makes me growl. Putting me on display for his own amusement and to stake his claim? Fine. I grip his wrist when he makes to pull back. It's satisfying to watch the smirk turn to shock when I move to straddle his hips with his hand still inside me. "Again. And do it right. Make me fucking scream it so everyone knows."

I feel his dick start to harden in his pants under me. "Out," he starts to command everyone but his words end with a moan when I capture his lips and slide my tongue into his mouth. I'm fucking his mouth like that when Asmo comes running back to the gardens and then stops and full on stares.

"Again," I demand with a snarl.

"Lys," Lucifer starts forward and then pauses under my look.

"Consequences, Lucifer," I rasp and he blushes when I fuck myself on Diavolo's fingers. To Diavolo, I say, "Again or you can fuck this fist for a month by yourself."

He rocks his fingers out of me for a moment and I release his wrist. Four fingers slide back into me and I'm arching into the feeling with a low moan. His other hand finds my breast and he squeezes possessively. "Mine," he rasps out, thrusting his fingers and circling his thumb on my clit. "Scream it and I'll maybe let you cum."

"Make me," I grunt and he's smirking again. My stomach drops at that look.

His pace then is relentless and hard, his fingers hitting my g-spot and making me gasp. "Say it," he demands, stopping suddenly and making me curl into him with a whimper. His thumb lifts and I'm screaming "Yours" in a desperate chant. His free hand slides to my hip and stops the little rocking I'd been doing. "Beg."

Frustration wells up in me as I try and continue to rock, but his hand is a solid weight against my skin. "Please, please, please." The last word is almost a scream.

"No," he says with an easy smile and I slump into him with a sob. My hands claw at his jacket when he gently teases my clit again.

"Dia, please," I cry at him but his lips seal over mine, muffling my words.

Hands smooth down my back and settle on my shoulders, then Lucifer is leaning into my back, trapping me between them. "Games are all well and good, but I believe a more private venue is in order for the rest of this evening," he breathes into my neck, his hardened cock pressed flush to my ass.

I moan around the tongue leisurely exploring my mouth. Tears well up as the fingers slip out of me and are then held up Luci. Crimson eyes meet mine briefly before Lucifer takes Diavolo's wrist and wraps his tongue around the first digit.

Diavolo leaned back, still smiling and I suddenly knew what he was going to say. I dropped my head to his shoulder and moaned as he said it.

"She started it here and she'll finish here." The smile in his velvety voice was genuine, as was the lust that sent shivers up my spine. "You cannot tell me you've never wanted the chance to claim her in front of your brothers."

I knew better than to argue with him, I really, really did, but... "You started this, Dia," I muttered at him and he laughed low in his throat.

"I was content to let you finish after the first time. You started this," Diavolo replied, rolling his hips into my slick core and dragging his clothed cock against me. Heat pushes me up and almost...

"Dia," I scream in frustration, balling my hands into a fist and hitting his shoulder.

His golden eyes danced merrily as pulled Lucifer's hand to my waist. "Yes, sweetling?" He asks innocently.

"Please," I return quietly.

He looked like he was thinking it over but Luci was tracing my sides like he was contemplating ripping the dress off my body. "There is a way for you to end this," Diavolo says, his eyes flickering up and then around.

"No pacts," I say automatically and he pursed his lips as he looked back to me. "Fuck me in front of them if you like, but I won't order them to do anything." His eyes flickered between Luci and I for a long moment.

"Are you sure?" He asks and I scowl at him.

"Do you want me to safeword out?" I snarl and his gaze softens.

"No, sweetling. It was just a thought," he says, cupping my cheek and kissing me. It was a sweet thing that turned into a gasp when Luci shifted my dress up a few inches.

The touch of leather gloves on my hips has me moaning into the kiss and trying to wriggle back and forth to find friction, but I was still trapped between them and Diavolo's hands kept me anchored in his lap. Diavolo looks up at Luci and apparently got what he needed because he sat back and released my waist, only to have Lucifer's hands take his place and lift me into his chest just enough that Diavolo could undo his belt and work himself free of his boxers. The long, thick shaft had me clenching in anticipation of the coming pounding.

Like this afternoon, Diavolo took my hips and pushed into me in one long thrust, leaving us both moaning at the stretch of him in me. I sink my teeth into Diavolo's neck and he makes a low noise at the feeling of it. Dia's hands hold me flush to his hips as his eyes dart up again before Luci steps away from us for a moment.

"Think you can handle us both?" Lucifer asks me softly, biting the finger of his glove and pulling it off to toss it somewhere out of my sight. His cool finger sliding into my ass has me clenching down hard on them.

"Lucifer," Diavolo moans out. "Keep doing that and I won't last."

"Oh?" Luci asks and I can hear his smirk as he thrusts another in.

Stars are popping in front of my eyes and I tense up further, tears starting to fall. Releasing my teeth from his neck, I plead, "Dia. Please. I need to cum, want to."

He rocks his hips up a little, just rutting into me without enough friction. It has me panting and sinking claws into his jacket with a frustrated gasp. "Relax, sweetling," he chuckles. "Keep begging and you might get to cum before we're finished with you."

So I do until I'm almost babbling as Lucifer continues to work me open with my own slick for lube and Diavolo continues his little ruts. Asmo is the only one that dares to creep around into my sight. It's his blue gaze and the light dusting of a blush over his cheeks that finally reminds me of the other Avatars.

The words die in my throat as embarrassment rears up. Looking away, I bite down onto the tendon of Diavolo's neck and startle a sharp gasp out of him. Hot seed fills me and he pauses in his motions at the same time as Lucifer.

"Now, Lucifer," Diavolo growls and pulls himself out just to slam me back down on himself. Pleasure makes my eyes roll up and give a strangled sob against Dia's neck as a second cockhead pushes slowly at the muscles of my ass.

"Hold her steady," Luci chides our lover.

Strong hands grip my ass and part me for Lucifer as he eases in, taking his time to let me clench and unclench around them. He rocks out and then a little further in each time until he is balls deep inside me, stuffing me full with both cocks.

Tears are flowing freely as I struggle with the burn and ache between them. I'm limp when Diavolo starts thrusting and then Luci joins him, jostling me between their bodies like a living doll. My teeth remain tight in Dia's neck, making my jaw ache and all I can do is whimper.

Luci runs a hand through my hair and then fists his fingers in my locks, yanking my head back sharply. No longer muffled, my moans and screams echo through the garden. His free hand slides down my stomach to my clit and he flicks it, making me scream and plunge over the edge. They continue to fuck me through the orgasm at a brutal pace and then continue to chase their own pleasure.

Lucifer keeps me on a tight edge between the pleasure and pain of multiple orgasms, expertly playing my body and keeping me boneless against his chest. Diavolo kept my thighs tight to his and my ankles propped on his knees so he could change the angle of their thrusts with his hips. My hands rest on Luci's shoulders behind me and weakly grip at his jacket when they hit my g-spot.

At some point, the dress is ripped off and Luci continues his torment of my breasts free of the cloth. They both spill their seed numerous times until they're fucking into me and pushing slick and semen down my thighs and onto their slacks. It keeps going like that until Diavolo pushes up from the chair and uses his hips to maneuver Lucifer into stepping back against the table and traps me firmly between their chests. My bare feet brush the ground and I groan at the cold.

Diavolo's warm hands cup my face and he gently peppers my cheeks and forehead with soft kisses. "You've done so well for us, sweetling," he says, his eyes darting over my shoulder to Luci. "Just a little longer and you can rest." Louder, he growls at the other avatars, "Leave. Now."

Levi is watching us with wide eyes and a hand over his mouth, but at Diavolo's words he's gone faster than a hunted rabbit. Belphie is draped over Beel's shoulder and the other four reluctantly and slowly drag themselves out of the garden. Beel's reluctance comes from his protective, backwards glanced at me and only stops when I drape myself over Diavolo's shoulder to wave weakly at them. Asmo lingers by the palace door until Mammon grabs him by the scruff and physically drags the Avatar of Lust away with one last worried look at me. It's Satan who stubbornly remains seated, though I can't actually see him.

"I can take care of Lyssa if you're done with her," Satan grinds out.

Very clearly still aroused and both still tucked inside of me, they were not done with sex for the evening, with or without me. Exhaustion might be making me hang limply between them, but I was not going to let Satan touch me like this. That would be one boundary too many crossed for me today.

A growl rumbles up from Diavolo and Lucifer's chests and vibrates through mine. Luci's hands tighten possessively on my hips.

"Leave," Diavolo reiterates.

"Do not make more trouble for yourself, Satan," Luci warns quietly.

Stupidly, I can hear his footsteps approach. Diavolo bursts into his demon form, making me groan at the way he stretches me out that much further. If I hadn't been holding onto him, he would have attacked Satan. As it was, I tucked my head under his chin and looked at the usually intelligent Avatar of Wrath. The look that he gave me was one mixed of despair, desire, and longing.

"You want to leave with me, don't you, Lys?" Satan asks, stopping just outside of Lucifer's striking range.

Luci was watching me with more patience than I had and very carefully trying to control the temper I could see in his eyes so as not to transform as well. Diavolo's wings curled around us protectively but I could still see Satan's blue eyes trying to plead with me. He took a single step towards us, raising a hand, and I snarled weakly at him.

My wings unVeiled and threaded gently through the gap of Diavolo's and I placed a clawed hand possessively on Luci's. "Mine," I growl. "G'way, Tantan." The draconic features Veil again at Satan's pained look before he retreats without another word.

Lucifer is looking at me with a surprising softness after the rough treatment. Diavolo kisses my head and says, "I love you, too, sweetling."

And they are still fucking hard inside of me. The thought of another round has me whimpering with a little fear. "Please," I half sob into Dia's mantle. "No more. Please, Dia."

Too late, I realize I shouldn't have tried begging again. Luci and Dia both groan and I give an actual sob, clutching at Diavolo's chains as he pushes me harder into Luci's body. "One more, sweetheart," he murmurs into my hair, thumbs wiping away my tears. "You have one more, don't you? You do." Luci begins to suck a new mark into my neck as Dia pulls out and starts to rock his hips again.

"Marigold," I sob out and they instantly shift gears. "Marigold." Their hands are gentle at the safeword and disentangle our bodies. It's a relief when they pull out of me but leaves me achingly empty.

Lucifer steps from behind me and Diavolo hoists me onto the cold table. Dazed, I let the clean me up as best they can in the garden and then Diavolo carries me because I refuse to let go of his chains. Lucifer goes ahead of us to make sure the way is clear and at some point, I drift off.

Later, I come to in a warm bath with Diavolo's chest to my back and Luci sitting on the other end of the bath. He's gently rubbing the sole of my right food and working his way up the calf while Dia keeps me from accidentally drowning. His touch is so gentle against the aches across my whole body that I groan and then cough at the rawness of my throat. A glass of water appears before I can ask and Dia holds it for me as I sip on it.

Diavolo sets the glass aside and kisses the top of my head. "Hi," I manage to Luci, who had been watching carefully.

"Hi," he returns softly with a smile.

Rolling my head back, I meet Diavolo's pleased gaze. "Hello, sweetheart," he murmurs.

"That was...intense," I croak.

"You lasted longer than I thought," he replies. "Thank you." He shifts and I eye him warily and his chest rumbles with a deep laugh. "We're re done with you for tonight, promise."

"Feeling better?"

His smile is cat-like and lazy. "Much. I doubt Satan will try anything like this again," he says and Lucifer pauses in his massage of my left calf.

I look at him and find an expression of mild regret and chagrine on his face. "I am sorry, my heart. I shouldn't have let my brothers distract me in the first place. It was...unwise...of me to neglect you. Will you forgive me?"

My throat is still raw but I open my arms to him in response. He carefully crawls between my legs and hugs me tightly to his chest. The rest of the bath is quiet as he returns to his massage of my body. I drift in and out as Luci and Dia discuss small matters they would need to review the next day and I wake to Diavolo's gentle fingers in my hair as he massages the conditioner into my scalp.

Lucifer is elsewhere.

I glance questioningly up at Dia and then look pointedly around the bathroom before back at him. He smiles and kisses my head again. "I asked him to get some things ready for us," he says, helping me to rinse my hair out. "We might be done with you for tonight, but I am hardly through with him. Do you want to watch or rest? Or we can just cuddle for the rest of the night."

The idea of watching sent a thrill of arousal through me but made me wince at the throb of aches that it also set off. Still, it wasn't often that Luci allowed Dia to indulge in their stamina and not something I wanted to miss.

"Watch," I say firmly and his deep laugh sends water cascading over the edge of the tub.

After I am dry and bundled into a large robe, Dia carries me out to his bedroom where Luci is waiting for us. He's dressed in only a low hanging pair of slacks that leaves hardly anything to the imagination where they taper down at the v of his hips. He watches us with a hint of nervousness as Dia settles me on the couch and takes care to wrap me in a blanket and ensure I have access to plenty of water and honey that Barb had dropped off.

When Dia is satisfied that I am comfortable, he finally turns to Lucifer and lets his gaze track hungrily down our lovers body. Lucifer's cheeks dust with a bit of color and I realize he's going to sub tonight for Dia. Oh! An even rarer occurrence since he hardly ever gives up control.

"Knees, Morningstar," Dia croons and Luci slowly goes down, eyes flickering between us. Dia tugs the towel from his hips and drops it as he walks to Lucifer, his shaft already visibly hardening. Taking his face in his hands, Dia continues, "Do you want to explain to her or shall I?"

Luci glances at me and the blush is in full effect. "Diavolo believes that you are being too lenient with me and wishes to see to my punishment," he explains. "With your input."

Both of them are watching me now and, oh, wow. Talk about feeling wanted. "Y-yeah," I stammer. "That sounds good. Um...how?"

"Since I like making excuses, Diavolo will have me make better use of my mouth...on him," Luci explains with the blush beginning to creep down his chest. After that, he glances at Diavolo, who is smiling that smile again.

"At first, then we'll have to see what interests you," Diavolo finishes for him. "But I wanted to ask you to make an exception to your no using your pact without an emergency." He lazily pumps a hand along his cock and smirks as I watch the motion. "Will you place an order on Luci to only cum when you command him for the next twelve hours?"

My eyebrows shoot up at the timeframe. "Twelve hours?" I repeat.

"My suggestion, Lys," Luci says quietly. "I would like your commands tonight, to ensure your words are thoroughly engraved in my memory."

Well, then...ok. Drawing on our pact is almost as easy as breathing and opening it between us allows a wave of love and regret to wash through me. "Lucifer, you will cum only when I command it for the next twelve hours." The command stretched between us like a physical caress and the pact slipped down to an unconscious link again, there but not.

Lucifer made a noise when Diavolo gripped his hair in one hand and pressed the head of his cock to Luci's lips with the other. His hands flew to Diavolo's hips as Dia fed him his cock and forced his jaw to accept the girth.

"Fuck, yes," Dia pants when Luci's throat bulges and his balls met his chin. "So good." Without giving him time to adjust, Dia took his fistful of hair and drew himself back to thrust forward. Luci made a choking sound at the fast intrusion but could only swallow at Diavolo's brutal pace of bobbing our lover's head and thrusting his own hips.

Diavolo's gaze is half lidded as he continues to use Luci's mouth without cease until he jerks his hips one last time and held Luci to him with a low moan. His head rolls back as his abdomen muscles ripple as he shoots his load in Lucifer's throat, making the former angel dig his nails into Dia's hips as he struggles to swallow around the cock.

The heated, golden gaze turns to me and I feel flush again. "Again," I order and he smiles beautifully.

Tears are streaming down Lucifer's face by the time Dia cums a third time in his mouth and spit and semen are dribbling down his chin. Diavolo pauses again and looks at me. "Sweetling?" He asks, voice breathy.

I watch Luci's gaze dart to me as his fingers flex hard on Dia's hips with the effort of not pulling himself off Diavolo's cock. His chest heaves as he inhales deeply through his nose. "Ease up, Dia," I say and Diavolo releases the former angel, who jerks back to wheeze and cough.

"Quite the mess you've made, Luci," Diavolo chuckles. "Clean it up." Diavolo's hand is gentle on Luci's head as he guides our lover's face to his still hardened shaft again. Lucifer catches his glare and instead glances at me before complying, licking and sucking at Dia teasingly until the larger demon is moaning and has to jerk Lucifer off himself. He strokes himself and then pinches his fingers at the base of his shaft to prevent from spilling another load. "Should I cum all over that pretty face of yours or start fucking your tight ass?"

Lucifer makes a low noise in his throat and my blush deepens with Dia's filthy words. Usually he doesn't do this, but I guess he's in the right mood for it.

"Luci?" I prompt in his silence. "Will you continue to try and make excuses about what happened?"

He gives me a wide-eyed look. "N-no," he coughs. "I-"

Diavolo's hand yanking his head back with a fistful of hair cuts off his words and the dick rammed into his mouth again has him coughing and choking on it. He's face fucked again at a brutal pace and Diavolo groans loudly when he cums. "Don't speak unless it is to beg or answer our questions," Dia orders him, rutting his hips a little and continuing to choke Luci on his cock. "Understood?"

Luci coughs again when Diavolo yanks him back. "Y-yes," he manages.

"Yes, what?" Diavolo demands.

"Yes, my lord," Lucifer says softly.

The demon lord gives our lover a long look before he drags him up by the hair and wraps an arm around his waist, bringing them flush together for a kiss. Luci fights for control for a second but a sharp tug to his slacks and even sharper slap to his ass has him gasping and lets Dia take over again. The handprint is bright red against his light skin and my gaze lingers on it for a moment.

"Luci, Dia," I call softly and they break apart to look at me. "How did that make you feel?"

Diavolo frowns at me in confusion but Lucifer turns an even brighter shade of red. "Shocked," he murmurs.

"And?"

Diavolo gives the former angel a thoughtful look as his hands slip back to Luci's ass and start to knead the flesh. Luci gasps and bucks his hips at the touch, grinding his own shift into Dia's stomach.

"And?" Diavolo prompts again.

Lucifer struggles visibly with himself and Diavolo slaps his ass again. Then again and again until Luci is bucking against him to try and escape the blows.

"Cum for me, Lucifer," I order as Dia lands another slap and Lucifer gives a sob as his seed spills onto their stomachs and clings to Diavolo's shoulders.

"Please," he says, but Dia grins at the reaction.

Golden eyes flicker to me and I can read the mischief in them. "Couch or bed, sweetling?" he asks and Lucifer buries his face in Dia's neck with a strangled moan.

I consider the mischief. "Couch. I want to touch the both of you," I answer and Diavolo's smile turns into a smirk.

Lucifer puts up a small resistance as Dia manhandles him to the couch and turns him around by the couch arm. Diavolo lets him stand for a minute so that I can admire Lucifer's body and the long, slender cock that is still hard. Sweat is starting to sheen across their skin and I can smell the sex on their skin as I crawl towards them. Hazy, scarlet eyes track my movements and he shivers at the first touch of fingers on his stomach. I wince when I try and sit up on my heels.

"Sit," Diavolo orders me and I fall back onto my ass. To Luci, he says, "Bend over." He does so with a hesitant glance over his shoulder and then at me. I scoot forward until I can catch his lips before he fully settles onto the arm rest. Diavolo presses a hand to the small of his back and he breaks the kiss to settle his hips over the swell of the arm rest with his head in my lap and one arm looped around my waist.

"Beautiful," Diavolo murmurs, his eyes raking across our bodies. "How are you feeling, sweetling?"

"Sore," I answer him, threading my fingers through dark locks. "Better but still sore."

Lucifer slides his free hand into my robe and I let him open it enough to have skin contact with me. "I'm sorry, Lys," he murmurs and then yelps when Diavolo slaps his ass sharply.

"Since you can't follow directions, we'll continue your spanking and you will count to fifty. One miscount and we continue until my hand gets tired or Lys believes you have learned your lesson," Diavolo cheerfully informs the fallen angel. "Understood?"

His grip on my hips tightens a little and, with a small whimper, says, "Yes, my lord."

Except Dia doesn't start right away. Instead, he slips a finger into Luci's ass and has him squirming in pleasure. "Cum for me, Luci," I whisper to him and he moans with the orgasm.

Diavolo's hand cracks across his ass then and Lucifer shouts. The demon lord pauses for a second and Lucifer drags the first count out somehow. After that, Diavolo is relentless in the spanks that he delivers, varying the rate and strength at which each were delivered, but Luci somehow manages to keep the count until thirty-five. Diavolo looks at me and smiles, his question silent.

"Cum for me, my love," I whisper again and Lucifer gives a broken moan at the orgasm and Diavolo's sudden intrusion. "Again." And he does, clenching down on Diavolo's fingers. "Again." He cums with a small sob and Diavolo glances at me. "Again."

"Lys, please," Lucifer moans. "I am sorry. Please. Not again. Not again."

"Cum for me," I murmur and he presses his face into my stomach with a strangled scream.

Diavolo is staring at me hungrily, all movements ceased. Then, he removes his fingers and smooths a hand across Luci's reddened skin. He keeps eye contact with me as he slaps Luci's ass again.

"T-thirty-five!" Luci half screams into my stomach and Diavolo smiles. "N-no! That wasn't a miscount. It was..." he struggles for the right words as he realizes his mistake "...a recount!"

"It sounded like a miss to me," Diavolo muses to me, continuing to work Luci open on his fingers. "What do you think, Lys?"

Lucifer tightens his hold on me to an almost painful degree and his back tremble under my touch. I knead the meat of his shoulders and answer, "I think... that's enough...for now."

Diavolo pouts at that but doesn't argue as he pulls back from Luci and then helps the other demon to find his feet and collapse beside me with his face in my stomach again. I watch Diavolo re-emerge from the bathroom a moment later and watch as he cleans Luci with a warm rag.

"You're very...intense tonight, Dia," I say, coaxing Lucifer to drink some water. My eyes trail over Diavolo's still half-hard member and then glance back at him. "Are you still jealous?"

He avoids eye contact with me then as he tucks a blanket around me and Lucifer. "Yes," he says finally.

"Of what?" I ask, reaching a hand for him.

He twines our fingers for a moment and just stares at them. "You seem to love Lucifer more," he admits softly. "And he's able to spend more time with you than I can, which means your bond is stronger over time. If he hadn't stood you up, I never would have had this chance." He follows the tug of my hand and lets me put his hand on my cheek.

"Our relationships are fundamentally different, Dia," I sigh. "I don't love Luci more or less than you, just differently." I kiss his palm and he sits down at my back and wraps his other arm around my waist.

"You forgave him so easily when you would have made me beg much longer."

I hesitate and search his golden eyes for sadness or anger, but there was nothing. Masking his emotions, then. "You're right, but you're also wrong," I admit and he shifts us so that he can see my face. "I expect the two of you to learn from each other's mistakes the way I learn from yours and Luci's with each other. If you stand me up on one of our dates in the future, so I would make you work harder to win me back. The same goes for Luci going forward." My look turns shy and I blush again. "And besides, you can't tell me that you didn't have fun making him beg with me. I'm positive Luci would have as much fun if or when your positions were reversed."

Diavolo smiles at that and we both look at Luci's sleeping form. "Too true," he murmurs and lets me lean into his side.

The silence that envelopes us after that is a comfortable one and Dia plays with my hair as we chat idly and wait for Lucifer to recover some more. The topics aren't important, but spending this time with them like this is and I can practically feel Diavolo relaxing out of his jealousy.

"What are you going to do about Satan?" Dia asks abruptly.

"What about him?"

"He wants you."

I wait a beat before asking, "And?"

"As much as I want you."

I give him a confused look. "How is that my problem? I've rejected him three times, including tonight, Diavolo. How much clearer can I be without starting a literal fight? He'll get over me or he won't and that's his problem." His expression twists and I sigh. "Satan is my housemate, not a friend at the moment. He's too fixated on Luci and I's relationship for anything to be healthy between us so I keep my distance and let Luci deal with him. Occasionally, like tonight I have to step in and do something but that's the extent of my involvement."

"Maybe I should step in," he mutters to himself.

"No," I say firmly and he scowls. "I allowed you your little show tonight in front of your avatars because I knew it would either drive Satan to do something stupid or it would reinforce that I would never be with him. Either way, leave it alone or tonight will look like icing on a cake."

"Tonight was not icing on a cake," Luci mumbles from my lap and our attention shifts to him. "Is it over?"

Sharing a glance with Diavolo, I ask, "How do you feel?"

"I will feel better knowing that the both of you have fully forgiven my transgression," he murmurs, laying a hand on Dia's thigh and squeezing my waist.

"You are," Dia and I agree at the same time and then share a smile.

"Thank hell," Luci mumbles.

"Unless you have a second round in you tonight?" I tease. Crimson eyes glare at me and golden eyes stare hopefully. "We still have about ten hours left to that command."

Lucifer just moans weakly and buries his head in my stomach, making me and Diavolo both laugh. "I may not be able to walk tomorrow as it stands," he complains and sends us into another fit of laughter.

Diavolo eventually took us to his bed where we cuddled and enjoyed the post-sex endorphins. We chatted about small things we needed to do the next day and eventually drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

#obey me #obey me diavolo #obey me lucifer #afab reader #diavolo x mc #diavolo #lucifer x mc #dialuci #lucifer x diavolo #obey me smut #diavolo x mc x Lucifer #lucifer x mc x diavolo #writing by Mimi

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walkingstackofbooks · 1 year

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DS9 2x22 The Wire thoughts (I'm re-watching, so there may be future spoilers)

I'm so excited to watch this again!

I guess we don't know that Julian had the choice to "entertain one of his lady friends" the night before, but I certainly choose to believe he did, he wanted to finish Garak's book more :p

Garak's stammering in "Doctor, what do you think you're doing?" :3

"In my expert medical opinion, I'd say it's sick." XD

"Keiko would be proud of you." Hah - the thing is I can imagine the overly-excited Julian telling her about this at some point and her just sweetly saying "well done, I'm impressed" but in her teacher voice she uses for seven year olds

"It's not like you two are really friends." Julian is NOT being subtle here that at the very least he WANTS to be real friends 😅 this man and lying...

Okay and now he's stabbing the plant with the hypospray because he's so frustrated with not being able to help Garak

VERY dramatic entrance, doctor.

😬😂That looked suspiciously like Quark was miming giving Julian oomax while saying "maybe a late night session in a holosuite".

"Try not to yell at any more admirals for a while." "I wasn't yelling. I was just expressing my feelings. Loudly." Gotta love Sisko

Oh, his poor dejected face at the information recurring taking weeks :3

Love how Julian is called to take care of Garak - this isn't Dr Bashir being called, it's not a medical emergency. It's Julian being Garak's only known friend who's requested.

Is it just me or did Julian check Garak or when he said "We'll go to my quarters"?

That drink exchange was VERY smooth of Quark and Julian

"I routinely monitor all of Quark's subspace communications." "Is that legal?" XD

"I see your point"... That's actually the exact same phrase as altered!Julian uses in Dramatis Personae - only this time it's ihm agreeing to do something questionable with Odo, last time it was to do something reasonable with him.

" I hope you don't have one of those little bugs hidden in my quarters." "Should I?" What's the betting Julian's going to be paranoid about this for a few weeks?

Julian's "What?! *sigh*" after being told Garak had left the infirmary. Idk it gave me feels.

I'm here for his Angry Pacing

"Doctor, did anyone ever tell you that you are an infuriating pest" "Chief O'Brien all the time, and I don't pay any attention to him either." That answer came SO quickly, he didn't even have to think about it

"I'm a doctor. You're my patient. That's all I need to know" JULIAN I CANNOT WITH YOU

Ohh, his sad looking downness <3 <3

Endless endless compassion, I love you so much

"Right now I'm not concerned with what you did in the past. I'm simply not going to walk out of here and let you die. We need to turn that implant off and whatever withdrawal symptoms or side effects you may experience, I promise I'll help you through them." Is he really not in love with Garak?! Because this is some gay shit Julian Subatoi Bashir. GAY I tell you

"In that case I want to talk to him now. Wake him up." "I'll do no such thing." "Doctor, these are murder cases and Garak may be a suspect." "That may be so, but he's still my patient and I won't have him disturbed." I am WILD about calmly resolute Doctor Bashir

I love a sleepy Julian :3

Garak's manic speech is incredible. WHAT a performance. My word. I couldn't look away.

" I can't believe that I actually enjoyed ... staring into your smug, sanctimonious face." Staring into Julian's face sounds pretty gay to me, Garak. (Who wouldn't enjoy staring at it though?)

Ah yes, wrestling on the floor with your alien crush while he is out of his mind. Definitely never happened before in Trek. No parallels here to be drawn.........

"I don't want to hurt you." And presumably he actually could.

Julian whizzing through all the samples, brining one back having seen it for all of 2 seconds and immediately knowing which one to overlay it with. THAT SEEMS PRETTY GENETICALLY ENGINEERED TO ME. I swear I don't know how that crackpot retcon worked so well, but it DOES

"More than I deserve." Oooh, callback to earlier int he episode when he said "Has it ever occurred to you that I might be getting exactly what I deserve?" .... My HEART

"I've about given up on learning the truth from you, Garak."I The FONDNESS with which he SAYS this!

"We were closer than brothers...."Sons of Train" welp, that's the 'true' bit

Holding handsssss!!!

There's no way Sisko sanctioned this, right? Did Julian just steal the shuttle craft?!

Okay then, just beam into the house of someone you know to be extremely dangerous and start poking around?! Your curiosity, Julian, I swear...

*wide smile* "I always drink Tarkalian! ..." -suddenly realises that this is VERY personal information Tain has on him- "...Tea."

Did he just GIGGLE? *rewatches* Yep, it's definitely there - "Are all the Starfleet Lieutenants as brash as you are?" "I couldn't say - hehe - though I doubt it."

"I thought you were his friend." "I suppose I am." YES HE SAID IT that's the first step

"Information is your business." Julian you are bold as BRASS

"he'll never come home again" oof, knowing the double meaning of home as Cardassia and to Tain

The disappointment in Julian's face at the answer to his "Who was Elim?" question

Ohhh, that last conversation. Julian's so damn fond of him. That smile at the end. They ARE in love.

Well this was delightful. What a good episode. I had forgotten, and wasn't sure if it had just been hyped up. But no. Truly phenomenal. Thanks, DS9!

#ds9 the wire #ds9 2x22 #julian bashir #garak #garashir #andi watches ds9 #THEY'RE SO GAY THOUGH #DAYUM #WSB

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evansbby · 8 months

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POYT 5 - My thoughts & commentary

MAJOR SPOILERS below the cut! Only proceed if you've read POYT 5.

Also, I will be answering all feedback this weekend! I wanted to give it a week so that more people would read it and because the feedback will contain spoilers.

Anyways, here are my thoughts (warning, this is long lmao)

Hey everyone

First off, I just want to say how thankful I am for the support for this fic. I never thought I’d finish it and to see it finished more than a year after the first chapter was posted and to see how many of you stuck around and didn’t give up on it is truly heartwarming! Thank you for letting me tell my story, thank you for supporting me, thank you for egging me on to finish it, thank you for sharing your thoughts and words of encouragement, thank you, thank you, thank you! I know sometimes I may come across as unthankful. And I’ll be so honest with you guys, a few days following the posting of POYT 5, I was so, so emotional and on edge and kind of upset because I thought the fic was not getting as much feedback as I thought it would. Which is crazy to think since we got it to 1000 notes in 24 hours!!

But I understand that people take time to read something so long, and it’s so much content that people need time to gather their thoughts. I get that. I’m just a very emotional person, which is why it may have seemed like I got upset. I poured my heart and soul into this fic for the past six months, so I will be emotional about it. That being said, I really want to stress on the fact that I AM super thankful towards the people who supported me and sent in amazing feedback, or reblogged and wrote their feedback down! I’ve read every single feedback so far maybe about three times!! I can’t wait to answer it so we can fully have an in-depth discussion about the story!

ALSO. And this is so important. POYT IS A DARK FIC. Steve, no matter what redemption I gave him, is a whole ass red flag in real life. He’s still a dark character, he is still someone that would totally be a villain in real life. POYT is a work of complete fiction, so please don’t think that because she ended up living happily ever after with Steve, that I condone that in real life. I think we are all old enough to understand that this is just me exploring a dark relationship in FICTION. In real life, this would be considered toxic and abusive. PLEASE remember that. Do not be with a poyt!Steve in real life. Please.

Now, to the fic itself. I’ll explain more when I answer the asks but let me just share my main thought-process behind it. I know a lot of people expected Peter to take Omega away and for Omega and Steve to be apart for a chunk of the story. I NEVER wanted to do anything like that. I believe I’ve mentioned it a few times but I don’t really love it when this happens in stories I read, and I always skip to the part where the reader and her man are back together. So I knew I didn’t want to do this.

There WAS an early iteration of the story where Peter takes Omega back to his apartment and she spends the night in his guest-room (she doesn’t want to sleep in the same room as him, she doesn’t hate him or anything but it feels wrong to her). Peter would have made her block Steve’s number and told her to just sleep on it. But she would’ve cried all night and missed Steve so much that she would’ve unblocked him. Of course, her phone would be flooded with calls and texts from Steve, ranging from angry to sad to demanding to know where she is to blaming Peter to blaming Omega. Really erratic texts like “I told you I loved you and you left me,” to “fuck you, I will never forgive you,” to “sorry I didn’t mean that please come back, baby, I miss you.” And she would have called him back but hung up quickly before he could alpha-command her into telling him where she is (she wouldn’t want to endanger Peter). And then Omega herself would’ve left and gone back to Steve.

I didn’t do this because, honestly, Peter would never “kidnap” Omega. I know a lot of people used the word kidnap but honestly that’s not what was going on. Peter thought he was saving her, but she had already decided in Part 4 that it was Steve she couldn’t live without. In Part 4, she says she could live without her mom and without Peter, but not without Steve. She’s already said yes to his proposal, there was no doubt she was going to stay with Steve. Maybe a little bit because Steve had only promised to be better at that point, and he had not proven it. But we all know Omega always saw the best in Steve, always wanted him to be better, always wanted him deep down. It wouldn’t make sense for her to stay quiet and let Peter take her all the way back to his apartment. I know she’s always been confused and indecisive, but I wanted her to be firm in that moment. Because she has chosen to be with Steve. At that moment, she doesn’t know why and she’s still confused about her feelings for Steve, but she knows she can’t live without him. So she chooses to stay with him within the first few sentences of the fic.

I remember a few months ago I received an ask saying that they expected Omega and Steve to stay apart for about 10k words of POYT 5, and I read that thinking “OMG is this what people are expecting???” because PERSONALLY, I would skip the fuck out of those 10k words if reader wasn’t with her love interest for 10k whole words. That’s just me personally, everyone has a different opinion but yeah. I tried to stay as true to MYSELF in this fic as possible, and ultimately, this is how I wanted it to play out.

I wanted POYT 5 to be about Steve and Omega and their interactions with each other. Because if you look back at the four parts before this… why exactly are we rooting for this couple? Have they had any sweet or romantic moments? They have, but very few and far between. Have they even had normal conversations? I needed their relationship to grow and evolve so that it would GENUINELY be a happy ending. I wanted the over-arching theme to be their interactions evolving, and Steve saying he loves her and her being unable to say it back. Which is why, if you noticed, almost every time Steve would say he loved her, he’d wait expectantly for her to say it back, and withdraw when she didn’t.

I’d say my biggest struggle was writing Steve (as it always is). I wanted his character development to be believable. But I think people need to remember that he had already turned a new leaf in POYT 4. And so POYT 5 was more about him demonstrating how he’d change, and keeping true to the promises he made to her in the previous part. I really hope you recognised that I tried to do it gradually, and that he’s trying to be better but still struggling with it.

For example: when he steps away from fighting Peter, you can tell he’s fighting with himself and this manifests through his literal physical features. How his face contorts before bouncing back then contorting again. I focused a LOT on describing Steve’s physical features in that part (so much so that I had to cut out whole paragraphs that just focused on describing his expression changing).

And then his panic attack. I got a message saying that was very out of character for Steve (I’ll respond to that message, don’t you worry, anon). But I really do not think it was OOC. Look, in fics this long, characters need to evolve. And Steve has been cold, calculated, strong, put-together for the whole of POYT so it honestly makes sense that he would lose it. To me, it does. He already lost it a few times in POYT 4, so it would make sense that he’d lose it some more. I know a lot of people enjoy reading him as this all-powerful alpha male and I was like that too, but I had to write this because it felt right to me. Steve is very emotionally volatile, and I think it was fitting that he had a panic attack. It shows another side of him, and I was proud of that scene. I’ll elaborate on this more when I answer that anon. But let me just say this: usually, when Steve got angry in the past – he’d resort to physical violence or some form of twisted, calculated revenge. He cannot do that to Peter, because he knows now that omega won’t forgive him if he did. So, in that moment, he kind of just… breaks. He doesn’t know how to process his emotions properly, so he panics. He’s seen his omega kiss someone else, and then he’s had to listen to that same person call him out in front of everyone and basically told him no one would ever love him. We KNOW Steve is insecure deep down, and so it’s honestly not very surprising that he had a panic attack. Villainous, macho characters can have panic attacks too, anon. They aren’t just reserved for the good characters.

Anyways, this is getting too long but moving on. I really hoped I captured Steve’s growth in a gradual, somewhat realistic way. Like how he blurts out that her mother won’t care about her getting married before he cuts himself off (him being tactful when before, he’d manipulated her and said this VERY thing). In the road trip scene, his communication still isn’t the best but at least he is TRYING, with that “game” that he plays just so he can ask her questions about her feelings. Like, he couldn’t straight up ask her and he had to make it into a game but like… it’s poyt!Steve after all so what do you expect haha. And when they’re at her childhood home, he’s still that guy who goes through all her stuff and pokes fun at her… but the difference is that it’s now turned into gentle teasing and not mean teasing, like how it was in the first few chapters.

Speaking of them going back to omega’s childhood home, I hope you guys caught on that omega realises her mom has left the moment she opens her mom’s bedroom door and sees the bed stripped and dresser empty. That’s why she gasps. But she doesn’t want to accept it, which is why she refuses to believe it. I’m sure everyone caught on to that but I’m just explaining anyways because why not. I’ll also say that writing this part made me cry so hard, I don’t know why. I have a very good relationship with my mother, she’s my whole entire life and she’s the best woman I know. So, to write a character who just does not have that… I don’t know why but it really affected me. And every time I reread this part to edit it, I cried. Every time. Especially the part where she talks about the ghost of her younger self playing in the garden. Like I’m tearing up now… Oh God!!! Also, when she breaks down and starts screaming at her mom’s door, I remember I wrote a part where she takes off her shoe and throws it at the door. I cut it out but I wish I’d kept it in in hindsight, just to show how raw and hurt she felt.

Anyways, as a lot of you messaged me saying this, you’re right, this was the moment where something snaps in Steve and he changes. It’s like he realises everything she’s been through and is still going through, and all the hurt and grief HE caused her. It’s never explicitly mentioned, but since the bathtub scene, Steve is afraid she’s going to kill herself. Like, that’s just a very real thing in his head, he’s just afraid she’s going to do that and he’d have been the main driving factor behind it. And so he realises he HAS to change. It’s in the way he doesn’t get mad at her when she tells him to fuck off, when she makes that dig at him and says he doesn’t have hardworking parents who work long hours. I wanted to convey that in that moment, her mental well-being just becomes his number one priority and he realises he could lose her. Maybe not physically, but he could still lose her. Which is why he gets so desperate in the end, and pleads with her to stay with him.

WHICH IS WHY, from then on, we see Steve being very communicative all of a sudden. And it’s ironic, because he’s not communicative about his own shit but he wants omega to voice all her concerns. That is why we get so much of “baby, tell me how you’re feeling.” Simply put, he’s afraid she’ll kill herself, and he also wants to be more communicative in order to improve their relationship and be better for her. Which is why he kind of throws himself into this new persona of this ultra communicative, ultra vocal about his love type of boyfriend. Like, he really lays it on thick, but he means it… and it also comes from a place of desperation, like he NEEDS her to get better. He knows deep down he’s about to lose his mother, but he cannot lose omega too. So if some of you thought it was OOC for him being SO SO SO vocal about his declarations of love and all his sweet little speeches, well, this is why I did it.

Speaking of Mrs. Rogers, she was a big talking point amongst all of you in the feedback I got! Like, overwhelmingly so! All I’ll say is, the whole cancer thing is something I pictured for her for a long time. But there WAS an early iteration of Steve’s parents where we would’ve met them in POYT 4 during Steve’s graduation and they would’ve been snooty and not approved of Omega. But somewhere along the way, that all changed. But I do want to stress that I did not mean to give the impression that Steve’s mom having cancer is the reason why he’s a bully. He was a bully alpha way before his mother got sick. Maybe it contributed a little bit but it does not excuse his behaviour at all and I never meant for it to! Honestly, it was more about exploring just how delusional and scared Steve really is, deep down. Like, his inability to accept that his mother is dying is very similar to omega refusing at first to accept that her mom left her. It’s more about how both the main characters push their problems aside and are often unable to accept them head on. It also added another facet to Steve’s character, and made things that little bit more heartbreaking, which was my intention.

Oh my fucking God, this is already 2.4k words??? Anyways, I really want to talk about the Rogers’ family mansion. So, since I was a child, I was obsessed with this author called VC Andrews who wrote Flowers in the Attic. When I say obsessed, I mean that I read each of her books like six or seven times and I still reread them till this day. To the point where my writing is influenced by her. Anyways, her stories were often rags-to-riches, and the heroine always describes a mansion. I was entranced reading about Foxworth Hall from FitA and Farthingale Manor from Heaven (if you guys haven’t read these books, please do. They are so, so good. I write the way I write because I read these books). So when I wrote the scene of Steve’s mansion, I wanted it to have that gothic horror family saga type feel, and so there were a lot of descriptions of just how big his house was, how his family literally had a ballroom and used to host galas, I really just wanted to paint a full picture of that. And then amongst all those riches, is Steve’s mom, a woman who is sick, whose husband is always away, whose son is too scared to come see her anymore. The sadness and secrets in all the wealth, that’s what I wanted to capture. If you guys have read Flowers in the Attic, you’d maybe understand what I mean. I deviated a bit from the usual style of POYT for these few scenes in Steve’s mansion, but I enjoyed writing them immensely.

More on Steve’s character: at this point I wanted to show that he was changing but that he wasn’t perfect and change doesn’t happen overnight. Which is why he lashes out at her for not saying she loves him back (right after sex, mind you, when she’s feeling extra vulnerable). It was a mean thing to do, but again, nobody is perfect and least of all him. Also, idk if anyone caught this bc no one has commented on it as of yet, but she almost slipped in the shower because she was trying to chase after him :// POYT 5 could’ve been a lot sadder just then… but I decided not to go there. Anyways, I wanted to show that Steve was still impulsive, quick to get angry. But the key difference is HE CAME BACK. And comforted her. I just wanted to show his gradual growth there.

I feel like I’m doing too much now so let me speed through the rest. I really tried to sprinkle in a lot of moments where Steve was being his cocky self, because he still is that and always will be. He’s still got his rules, and he’s being lax about them but at the end of the day he’s still an alpha. What I’m trying to say is, in the future, he’s not going to be the manipulative, childish, toxic fuckboy that he was before. But he WILL ultimately still be the misogynistic alpha that he always was, albeit a lot less intense and mean than before.

The scene with Bucky was always, always going to happen. All that Bucky stuff was leading up to something, and I always planned to do this. But when I actually got to writing it and realised how lame this man sounded when he was listing his problems “Steve always got the better car” etc, I knew I had to have omega comment on how dumb his problems were compared to hers. Because they are!!! It was ridiculous at the end of the day. I know a lot of people expected a fight with Peter and Steve, but that was never going to happen in full. It was always Steve vs Bucky to me. They have more history, they’re both more evenly matched in physical strength. Also, I want to clarify that at this point, Bucky did not have any feelings for omega, she was just an object to him that he could not have, and it was the last straw for him. I left Bucky’s fate as open-ended, maybe one day I’ll go back to that.

The final scene was ALWAYS meant to be omega marking Steve and finally telling him she loves him too. Like, I had this pictured since day one. This was always, always going to be the ending.

In terms of her and Peter, I really struggled with what type of ending I could give them. Because realistically, if I was Peter, I’d still be angry. I’d still be in disbelief over my best friend being with a man who is just… Not Good. And I do think Peter deep down still feels that way, but he also knows he cannot persuade omega, and so he has to move on. He sent her a wedding card but, in my head, they do not keep in touch. Steve doesn’t want her to keep in touch with him, and honestly, there isn’t much for Peter and omega to say to each other anymore. Which I think is realistic. It’s sad but it’s realistic.

One of the hardest parts for me was making sure to tie up every single loose end. Like for example, Sharon. In an earlier iteration, I had originally planned for Steve to somehow sabotage Sharon and keep her from graduating as revenge for her being mean to omega. In the end, I decided against this. Sharon is not important to Steve, she is not that important to the story either, and honestly, she wouldn’t have deserved that at all. So, I left her alone. I hope she’s doing well.

Same with other tiny loose ends, like who fixed Steve Junior? Originally, I genuinely DID mean that Steve simply paid someone else to fix her. But A LOT of you sent me messages asking if it was Steve himself who fixed him… and it just made so much sense! Because the stitching is done lowkey badly and unevenly, so of course it was Steve! I added that part in right at the end! Also the sketchbook part, where Steve sketches his mom. That was added like, on the day of me posting the fic. I was so paranoid I missed something, but I don’t think I did??

Mr. Rogers wasn’t meant to be in the fic at all. I wanted to keep him mysterious. But in the end, I decided to add him in last second. And I liked that he and his wife are so in love, but I feel like he’s still a mysterious character – especially in his relationship towards his son.

Lastly, Steve was ALWAYS gonna be a girl dad. That was never a question. Like… come on. We all saw that one coming!!!

Now all I can say is that Steve (the one on my blog who answers questions) is going to be SO smug that he got his omega back (after like two minutes of him losing her lmao). LIKE?? He proved all of you wrong hahahaha. The whole time y'all were talking about him sitting at home, heartbroken bc his omega got taken... HE HAD HER THE WHOLE TIME. just a funny thought lol.

ANYWAYS, if you have any questions about the fic, any more deleted scenes you wanna know about, any other things you want to say in response to this? please send them in!!!

#poyt #sorry this is so rambly omfg #my thoughts 💭

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risingsoleil · 2 months

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Ask Game

Thank you @chiefbeifongcanrailme and @linnorabeifong for the tags!

Are you named after anyone?

I am not. It's part of one of my cultures (I'm mixed) to receive part of your name based on an ancestor. I've asked my mom where she came up with my first and middle name bc it's not taken from any of our ancestors.

First name (she has two versions, so idk which it is): it came to her in a dream, or my great-grandma brought up the name to her.

Middle name: "It felt important and that you needed to have this name."

My middle name translates to "Nothing is impossible."

When was the last time you cried?

Probably last week when I was writing some sad stuff lol

Do you have kids?

I do not. One day I'll have them, but rn I'm focused on my life and achieving my goals.

What sports do you play/have you played?

I played volleyball growing up, then played a little in high school. And also I was on the paddling team lol

Omg training was fucking brutal for paddling, I don't regret leaving lol running on the beach BAREFOOT 50 times up and downhill. It sounds pretty bc we had the sunset views too, but I was angry crying every time we did it.

Do you use sarcasm?

Of course I don't.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

Your vibe. I'm an empath, so I can feel your emotions as if they're mine and I'm an intuitive. I can pick up on the type of person you are. But I also try to exercise benefit of the doubt too bc I've had bad experiences in the past, and I try not to let that cloud my judgment.

What's your eye color?

Dark brown

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I can already see entities (good and bad) irl so I'm all for happy things.

Any talents?

I learn languages very quickly. I would love to become a polyglot hehe that was one of my goals when I was a kid. But it's harder as an adult to get into this (but certainly not impossible ;)

Idk if you'd consider these talents, but I have several clair abilities (clairaudience, clairvoyance, claircognizance, and clairsentience)

Where were you born?

Hawaii. I was born and raised in Honolulu, and I just moved back home several months ago

What are your hobbies?

Eating. Dancing, writing, hanging out with my close friends, travelling, cooking, modeling, mentoring youth, and anything spiritual. Except i'm not the best at meditation lmao

Oh! And listening to music

Do you have any pets?

Not right now (and I really want a doggie again). I grew up with a dog and then I had another one in high school. Unfortunately she passed away a few years ago after an accident 😢

How tall are you?

5'4 ish

Dream Job?

Travelling the world and giving speeches about my culture. I suppose an ambassador 🥰

Tagging: @yellowsalt3 @alemanriq @awakenedtinystars @khrystyav @little-lazuli @nyamadermont @obsessedwithlinzin @pencopanko @peachchanvidel @superliz6 @stupidnerdlol @vr-tb @weirfan22 @zeus-favorite-child

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englishstrawbie · 1 year

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Station 19 6x09

Maya being unable to concentrate on her meditation because all she can think about is Carina is relatable.

I’m still processing what we saw of Carina so this might be jumbled at time.

I felt for how nervous she was about turning up at the fire station for the clinic. At the end of the day (and as we saw in Jack and a little bit of Ben), these are Maya’s people. Yes, they like / love Carina too, but Maya is their family. They know enough to be concerned, but I don’t think they know enough about the extent of what is going on in Maya and Carina’s marriage or perhaps even the extent of Maya’s healing process - that would be consistent with what we’ve seen already. So the comment that she almost didn’t walk through the door felt very real.

She is obviously carrying a lot of hurt and anger and resentment at what happened that day at the hospital, so ignoring Maya’s voicemail at first and focussing on her work is understandable. She needs to compartmentalise.

The patient, Pam, was a bit much but in general it was okay. Like Carina said herself, she needed the distraction and the laugh at work today, and that’s what Pam provided. Carina has been carrying so much for so many months that it was nice for her to have the attention and for the conversation to be light and easy and fun. Do I wish that they’d shown us Carina’s answer to being asked out on a date? Yes. I’ve seen some rumblings that Pam is a recurring character, so it makes me a little nervous that we might see her again given how the conversation was left. But do I think that Carina is going to walk away from her marriage and settle down to have a baby with this woman she just met? No.

The more interesting part was the conversation around the fact that Pam had made the decision to have a baby by herself which - let’s face it - is an option I could easily see the writers taking with Carina. She wants a baby more than anything - ouch. More than her marriage? More than Maya healing? It happens, the desire to have a baby is so strong that people walk away from relationships - I’ve seen it in real life.

“My wife is... was a big part of that dream too” - double ouch. The fact that she changed her words to the past tense made me sad, that she’s now thinking about what this dream looks like without Maya. At the moment, and with the firm belief that all of this angst will eventually lead to them getting back together, I am rationalising that with the fact that Carina is hurting. She hasn’t had the benefit of breaking down her feelings with Diane or anyone else - at least, not that we’ve seen. She doesn’t know what her future looks like, if her marriage is going to survive, so she’s trying to figure out what that dream looks like by herself.

But then, she still went home - for what? Shampoo she could have bought at the drug store and a few coats? Hmm. I take comfort in the fact that, having eventually listened to Maya’s voicemail, she decides to go home, maybe to see for herself if Maya’s words are true. Because, let’s face, Maya might tell her that she’s working on herself and trying to be better, but there are good reasons not to believe her.

But Carina is not going to jump back in. The hurt of seeing Maya so broken in the hospital bed, of hearing Maya scream her name and blame her when all she was trying to do was protect her, is not something she can just forget - and I’m glad she told Maya that. The way her voice cracked was heartbreaking, but it also shows how much she loves Maya. And she’s angry that she had to go so far as to get a 5150 because Maya wouldn’t listen to her and wouldn’t get help when she begged her. For six months. So yes, great, Maya is going through the steps and of course that’s what Carina wants - but she didn’t do it when Carina asked.

She’s doing it because the fire department is making her.

Of course we, as viewers, know a lot more because we got to see the conversations between Maya and Diane last week. But Carina didn’t - all she sees is that Maya is doing this to get her job back because, once again, it comes back to her fear that she is second best to Maya’s career. That their marriage, their family and the desire to have a baby is second best.

That is a point I really hope they address in the near future.

#sorry for the length it turns out i had a lot of thoughts!#station 19 #carina deluca #maya bishop #my rambles

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lonesome-witching · 11 months

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I Wanted to Make You Smile

This was a difficult prompt to tackle because of the fact that I have zero knowledge about dogs. But here you go. Thank you for the anonymous prompt of Robin getting Nancy a puppy because Nancy is struggling at school.

Do you have a secret Ronance story you want to see written? Well, send the prompt right here and I will right it for you. If instead you want to read the previous prompts you can find those here.

“I got kicked out of class!” Nancy shouted. The door to the apartment still open. “I just got fucking kicked out of class because I asked a simple question.”

“What did you ask?” Robin leaned over the back of the couch to face her girlfriend who was now pushing the door shut.

“I just asked him if he got his views from 1930 because most of his theories are bullshit. I didn’t add the last part.”

Robin couldn’t help but laugh at the comment. She had gotten well versed in the views of Professor McLaren over the past few weeks. He was a homophobic piece of shit, that much was sure. But Nancy’s obvious disdain for the professor was starting to have an effect on her grades and therefore an effect on her mood.

“Sorry, sorry about laughing. Do you want me to cook your favorite meal to make you feel better?”

“I- I’m not very hungry. I think I’m just gonna head to bed.” Her demeanor changed from angry to defeated. There probably was more to the story than Nancy dared to say and it made Robin sink further into the couch, almost as defeated as her girlfriend.

—

Puppies for sale. Ring doorbell.

Robin read the sign again and again, debating whether this was a good idea or not. She knew Nancy loved dogs, Nancy even mentioned wanting a dog. But then again, they were college students, they really didn’t have the money. And to be fair, Robin wasn’t entirely sure they were allowed to have pets in their apartment.

She rang the doorbell, regardless of the warning bells that were popping up in her head. Because she was convinced that it would cheer up her girlfriend. And after the events of the other day her girlfriend surely needed some cheering up. She’d barely come out of their bedroom at all.

“Hello?” A middle aged man growled at her with a scowl on his face. Frankly if it were his puppies she’d need to save them.

“Hi, I saw the sign in your window and I was just informing about the puppies.”

The man nodded. He vanished into the house, returning moments later with a fluffy white furred Golden Retriever puppy. “Here you go. It’s the last one so it’s take it or leave it, I’m afraid.” He pushed the dog in Robin’s arms.

“Oh, he’s the cutest little thing.” Robin pushed her fingertips through the fur. “How much do I owe you?”

“That fucker you can get for free.” And with that he slammed the door in her face. Leaving Robin to wonder if there was anything wrong with the small dog she was now carrying home. But he softly licked her cheek and Robin couldn’t assign a single flaw to the puppy.

“He was just a mean old man, wasn’t he?” She asked the dog who barked happily in response. She’d take it as a yes.

She struggled opening the door while holding the nameless pup. Her keys falling from her hand. She leaned down to pick them up right as the door was being swung open.

“Thank God you are home, I was just…” Nancy stopped talking as her eyes caught on the dog in Robin’s arms. “Are you holding a puppy?”

“I am.” Robin replied with a smile, still standing in the doorway, the entrance blocked by her girlfriend.

“Whose dog is that?”

“Yours. Ours.”

“You got us a dog?”

“Look, I know you were having a tough time at school and I hated seeing you come home so defeated and sad. I thought that maybe this little fella would help cheer you up. I just really wanted to make you smile.” Robin pushed herself closer to Nancy, hoping to gain entry to her own home this way.

It worked because Nancy slowly stepped out of the way, her eyes still glued to the animal. But there was a soft smile shining through her confusion.

“He is really cute.” She stated as she softly scratched behind his ear. “Thank you, Robin.”

#prompts #ronance #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #my work #stranger things #fanfic #robin x nancy #nancy x robin #ronance fic #ficlet

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teenwolf-theoriginals · 9 months

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over the past week, i've gotten some lovely messages asking if i'm okay, where i was, basically kind anons sending love. and then there were a few anons who asked about my peaky fics. this is kind long, so i'll put it under the "keep reading" line.

firstly, thank you to those who checked in. am i okay? not really, that's why i took time away. lately, it has been a real struggle with writing. i know it seems like i'm singing the same old tune. but this time around it felt different. i needed to step away, take time out for me and try to figure out why mentally i wasn't connecting with writing. i haven't completely figured it out, i'm still slowly working through falling back in love with my writing. it's been small steps this past week. i have written a little more for the shelby chaos family, organizing the stories has helped me break them down, it's just a matter of committing to writing them and hopefully not hating what i write. on top of me disconnecting with my writing, i felt really deflated with life in general. short version, i'm just feeling so sick and tired of feeling like nothing is working out for me. it's little things that had piled up, getting my hopes up with personal things, and dealing with up and down emotions.

secondly, the reason why my peaky fics aren't visible is because i have made them private. a large reason why i was starting to disconnect from writing was because every time i looked through my notifications, 99% of them were people mass liking. it made me question what the point was in me stressing over these fics, trying to perfect them if that's how they were going to be treated (if so many think writers should write for themselves, then why not just keep them to myself, which made me feel really sad that i was having that kind of thought). that then led me to self-doubt and i didn't want that to spiral further and end up hating my writing to the point where i stopped writing altogether. so, i made the decision to cut out seeing those mass likes for the sake of my sanity and love for writing (a.k.a overthinking brain making issues more intense and stressful than they need to be). if i wasn't constantly seeing like after like after like after like, i could focus solely on finding that spark again for writing. i know it might seem like a drastic or silly thing to do. i know most won't understand unless you have gone through that as a writer or content creator. it's very difficult to communicate just how mass liking can affect a content creator if you aren't one. it's a struggle writers go through constantly and it sucks. so many writers have shared how powerful feedback, interest, and excitement can be and it feels pointless because it ends up being the same tiresome cycle. there is only so much excitement a writer can harass for their own fics before they need others to do the same. this quote by ernest hemmingway describes it perfectly: "writing, at its best, is a lonely life". writers spend so much time alone with their fics, that sharing them makes us not feel so alone. and i don't think asking for a better balance between likes/reblogs/comments is an unreasonable request (also, i understand tumblr's algorithm sucks and it's hard to get most content to a wider audience. especially if so many are posting and only the popular ones end up on top of the tags. that is why reblogging is so important).

i don't know when i'm going to make the peaky fics public again. i don't think right now i'm 100% in a place where i can do that and not go back into that rabbit hole of self-doubt, frustration, over-thinking, etc. i might do so once i have finished a fic. i might even post later more about the shelby family chaos series, share a little bit of the upcoming fics. i hope nobody is too angry at me for privatising the fics. you will be able to read them again, just please be patient with me. especially since there are a handful of fics that you guys will be getting, so i hope that sorta makes up for not being able to read my older peaky fics right now...

also, in regard to my tommy "sweetheart" series. i made the decision after reading through it to delete all chapters but the first one. i know that may disappoint some people, but i have tried to find something that i like within it and i just haven't been able to. i really love the first part, but the rest i hated. and i know some may think that's unfair, especially if other people did love it, but i wasn't happy with it and i don't think the quality of the other parts matched the quality of the first part. maybe, way way down the road, i will write something new for it. but for now, it's going to stay a one-shot like it originally was meant to be.

i'm sending lots of love to anybody who may be struggling right now, or may not feel good enough either when it comes to writing, personal issues, etc. you are good enough! please, take care of yourself, it is not selfish to do so. life is heavy at times, find some joy and hold on to it. breathe and take it one day at a time. if you ever feel overwhelmed, talk to someone, blast your favourite tunes, go outside, binge-watch your favourite show. just do things that make you feel happy and peaceful. ♡

#personal #writing #peaky blinders

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skyfallscotland · 3 months

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I’m doing a reread of Fear and Flame. Question- Are we going to find out what happened between Remi and Violet by the lake? Remi refers to something that happened there a few times.

Also, it’s so hard to read the first half of the story. It’s so angsty and Remi’s pain bleeds off the page, which is a compliment to your writing. My heart just breaks for her. I hate that the first few months are so awful for her, especially compared to Violet.

The first part of the story is definitely hard and I know a lot of people found it tough to read, a few people told me they wanted to DNF and I know some people probably did, but I wanted it to be real. I poured so much of myself into it. I kind of was on that journey with her 🖤

She's definitely still struggling with herself in Truth & Talon, but she's also in a much better place, so I hope that will shine through.

Despite how frustrated I am and how upsetting it is that I won’t be able to see Xaden this week…I look around at the people in front of me, at what I have today compared to six months ago—at the sister who wants me around—and I wouldn’t trade it. Not for anything.

So about that first part... *laughs nervously* I'm hoping I'm thinking of the same thing, if not, I've forgotten about it, but do we mean this?

"It terrifies me, that what you felt drew that sound out of Lía." She says softly, smile faltering. "If you're sad or you're scared, Remi, I want you to come to me." Her tone is gentle. "Let me help you, even if all you need is a hug." My heart twists a little and I swallow harshly, gritting my teeth as I nod, thinking back to that night by the Iakobos. Maybe things really will be different from now on. "Ok."

If so, then she's referring to this night, which really hurt her:

She shakes her head. “Rem.” She looks at me seriously. “You want to know why I’ve been so angry with you?” She asks. “It’s because nothing has changed. We’ve been thrown into this—this crazy big, death trap of a circus and you’re—you’ve just given up.”

My breath hitches. “It’s not giving up, Vi. I’m just facing facts.” I tell her. “I’m not very likely to survive in here. I knew that from the moment Lilith laid down her decree and told us we’d be coming here.” I shake my head and despite my best efforts, a few tears fall from my eyes. “I’m ok with it, really. I just want you to make it.”

Violet shakes her head. “If I can do it—”

“I’m not you!” I cut her off, almost yelling in the darkness, underneath the trees. “I’m not you, Vi.” Tears are streaming down my face. “I’m not you and I’m not Mira and I’m not Bren.” I cry. “I don’t want to be a dragon rider. I’m fucking terrified of heights.” I choke out. “Even if I made it past the Gauntlet—and I don’t think I will—no dragon is going to bond with someone who’s terrified of being in the air.”

“I’m fucking scared, Vi.” I sob. “And I’m tired. I’m so, so tired. I just want to give up, ok? I’d rather die on the mat, than falling.” Because that happens all the time after Threshing. Riders fall from their fucking dragons and die.

We stare at each other and I watch as Violet’s face turns from shock to anger. “So what?” She glares, “you’re just going to give up and leave me here all alone?” She steps forward and shoves me, bodily. “You think I’m not fucking scared?!”

“I think you’re adaptable.” I say truthfully. “I think you’re strong where I’m weak. I think you can do it.” I shake my head. “This is…a pointless argument.” I tell her. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

“And I don’t want to lose you.”

We stare at each other.

“You don’t even like me.” The words leave my mouth, unbidden.

#basgiath (remi's version)#remi's version asks

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unholy-screeching9 · 1 year

Text

NSFW CONTENT WARNING! 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI.

💋

I actually have a song choice for this one! The loudest parts resemble the arguments/angry moments, while the other parts represent the in between moments/calm after the storm. I recommend listening while reading, but you don’t have to in order to enjoy! 💋

Song choice: BAD LUCK! (Jhariah)

Angry!King Dice x Angry!Reader NSFW Headcanons

Angry!King Dice x Angry!Reader NSFW Headcanons (GAME)

You rarely have fights with your husband. You both bicker here and there over trivial topics, but fighting? It’s not in your nature.

But King Dice can just… he can be SO awful sometimes. Of course he can, his whole job is to manage a casino run by the DEVIL, and to cheat people out of their souls.

But he can also be awful to you if he feels the need. And you can return that energy to him.

So, even though it’s very rare, sometimes you both go AT it with each other, and you can really dig deep to where you actually hurt each other.

All other topics of argument apply to these headcanons, but for specifics, today you both fight over Dice’s workaholic nature.

“YOU’RE ALWAYS WORKING NOW, DICE! Do you KNOW how much it hurts to not even see you come inside to SLEEP anymore?! I’m WORRIED about you yet you’re here, treating me like SHIT for it!”

“WELL UNFORTUNATELY, THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM! Don’t YOU know that I have a lot of responsibility in this casino?! EVERYONE is looking at ME to fix things around here, so I’m SOOOO sorry for taking a night to finish doing MY JOB! FUCK, YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE!”

“IT’S NOT JUST ONE NIGHT! IT’S EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT! GOD!! JUST GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I SAY SOMETHING I’LL REGRET, JACKASS!”

Shaking his head, Dice left as soon as you said the word. Normally he would try and talk it out with you so neither of you would have to leave the bedroom, but when you both go at it this hard? He leaves. And he doesn’t come back.

You sleep alone, in a cold bed. But you know what? You sleep just fine, your fury convincing you that it was for the best. That you didn’t need Dice.

Dice sleeps in his office, passed out over a large pile of soul contracts that need his signature.

When you both fight like this, you don’t see your husband more than a few seconds a day for the next week.

He walks in, grabs a couple things, does his makeup in the bathroom, and leaves without a word.

For the first couple days, you return that energy. You ignore him completely, pretending to be asleep, or you read a book in front of him, trying to show how unaffected you are.

However, when you realize he just doesn’t care, you start to try and talk to him. You mostly just want to get him to apologize, but a small part of you just wants to hear his voice again. You’re starting to miss him.

But he ignores you. He doesn’t even look at you. It’s like you aren’t even there. He leaves you alone. And frustrated. And sad.

Eventually, he just stops coming into the bedroom all together. He gets ready in his office. With the door locked, so you can’t see him even if you tried. This just makes you fed up all over again.

However, not only are you angry, but you’re in heat.

You both haven’t so much as TOUCHED each other since the argument. And boy, did that make you INSANE. The worst part is, Dice knows that. You know he does.

Dice is punishing you. And it’s working.

Once you realize this, that’s it. You wait until the MINUTE his shift ends, and you strut right out onto the casino floor, your eyes searching for him.

Once you find him, you wordlessly grab him by the wrist, and you pull him along as you storm to your bedroom, your husband irately demanding for an explanation.

You ignore him. Just like he has with you for the past week.

You shove him inside, slamming the door shut behind you and standing in front of it with your arms crossed.

Dice’s green eyes are boring into your skull, bright and glowing with anger.

“Whatever it is you want, spit it out. You better make this quick, I am not in the mood.”

“Oh yes the hell you are, you prick. I know you are.” You saunter over to him, grabbing him by the collar.

“We haven’t had sex in a WEEK. And you know what? I think that is killing me so much more than your pathetic attempts to get me angry.”

Dice looks at you in shock, furious that you would even dare speak to him like that.

“Why, you little—”

“Shut up! Here’s what’s going to happen. I don’t care how upset you are with me, and I’m putting aside my anger for this. We are having sex, NOW. Otherwise, this whole casino will be burning down. Got that?”

Dice stares at you for a second, surprised that you’re actually speaking to him like this. He lets out a low, mocking chuckle as he grips your jawline with his hand, forcing you to look him in the eye.

“I knew you wouldn’t last long without me, you greedy whore… you seriously can’t survive one week without my dick? I figured you were needy but I never knew it was this—!!!”

It’s your hand that renders him speechless. You move it towards his groin, giving his cock a squeeze through the clothing as a warning to your spouse before you start massaging, smirking as Dice melts into your touch.

“Hm, what was that about me being a ‘greedy whore’? Meanwhile, one touch on your dick from my hand and you’re a moaning mess in my arms. I wouldn’t try to deny it anymore if I were you, Dice. You need me.”

“Ngh~” Dice whined softly, gritting his teeth and wrapping an arm tightly around you, his fingers digging into your back.

“…F-fine. ONE round, and that’s it.”

Smirking triumphantly, you push him back into the bed as you shuck off your top and your bottoms, jumping on top of him and desperately tugging at his waistcoat.

“Get these off. Now.”

Dice growls softly in irritation at being bossed around like this, but obeys. He removes his waistcoat and vest, tossing them on the floor beside your clothes. His shoes and slacks are next, landing haphazardly off the bed.

You struggle to unbutton his undershirt, your hands shaking in anger and want. He helps you, but he undoes each button painfully slowly just to mess with you.

In retaliation, you rip off the damned thing, chucking the pieces so they landed on the other side of the room. Your husband turns his head to you in shock.

“Hey! That was a good shirt—”

“You have plenty of others. And if not, I know damn well you can afford more.” You growl in annoyance, hands hungrily running over his chest as you push him onto his back.

You trail your hands down his torso to his boxers, and yank them off as fast as you can. When his dick greets you happily, you chuckle seductively, putting your hands to work.

“If I only get one round as you say, then I’ll just take things very slow… let’s get you warmed up, shall we?”

The only response Dice gives you is a pleasured groan as you pump his length, your thumb rubbing over his tip. Precum leaks from it and onto your finger, and you laugh tauntingly.

“Look how excited you’re getting. God, I know you think you were disciplining me by keeping yourself away, but I honestly believe you were punishing yourself.”

“Oh shut up, you hussy…” Dice can’t even argue back with you, his head leaning back in ecstasy as your hands work their magic.

He grits his teeth, unconsciously starting to move his hips with your hand’s movements. He’s desperate for more, but you refuse to give him that satisfaction. He doesn’t deserve it yet.

You grin maliciously and remove your hand, earning an agitated growl from your husband.

“Dammit, quit teasing me already and just get it done— OHHH, MY GOODNESS~”

He shrieks in pleasure as you place your mouth over his length, taking the entirety of him at once. You gag slightly as his dick hits the back of your throat, but yet you take your time, driving Dice insane.

“Ohhhh… fuck, would you just pick up the pace?! Faster! Ohhh SHIT, don’t you dare stop!~”

He is a symphony of moans and growls as you suck him off, your tongue working wonders on him. The noises he’s making are enough for you to start leaking through your own underwear.

Once you believe he’s been lubed up properly, you pull your mouth off his cock with a satisfied ‘pop!’

Dice lifts his head to stare at you as you remove your soaked underwear, dropping it right by where you left his boxers.

“Are you finally going to get on with it and let me fuck you already? Someone needs to teach you a lesson~” He inquires curtly, sitting up.

“Continue talking like that and I’ll stop the whole charade right now, dear. But if you’re a good boy, I’ll make it worth the wait. Let’s see if you change your mind about our little argument once I’m through with you.”

You switch positions with him, laying down on the bed and guiding him so he’s comfortably on top of you.

Before he can even blink, you shove yourself against him, pushing his dick inside of you. Boy, is he howling. You feel so fucking tight against his length, and it’s enough to make him cry.

Tears leak from his eyes and down his cheeks as he groans for you,

“OHHH, SHIT! FUCK, darlin’, you feel AMAZING~”

“Notice how that attitude of yours has died down significantly… face it Dice, you talk a big game but you’re just as weak as I am.”

He grabs your face, leaning in and glaring down at you. “Watch it. You feel lovely on my cock, but I will leave you begging for more if you aren’t careful.”

You move to argue but the only thing that comes from your throat is a pleasured scream as he rams his hips into you, not giving you time to adjust to his size.

Somehow, the pain just makes you more turned on as he pounds into you. You won’t admit it out of pride, but you missed him.

You missed having him inside of you like this. You missed the way he kissed your skin and leaves you covered in hickeys as he fucks you senseless.

And good god, he missed you just as much. The way you look in the sheets as he makes love to you. Your beautiful voice when you moan for him to continue. You’re exquisite. And it drove him crazy to be away from you for so long.

You reach your hands up and grab at his chest, your nails digging into his skin. You grin as he stumbles slightly in his movements, struggling to pick the rhythm back up.

You gently scratch him as he fucks you, relishing in the sweet sounds he makes. You reach up further, resting your hands on the sides of his head and knowingly rubbing your fingers over his pips, snickering as he screeched in pure bliss.

“OHHH, FUCK, BABYDOLL! PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T STOP DOING THAT! I BEG!”

“That’s right, Dicey… Sing for me. I want to hear your beautiful voice pleading for me as you fuck me into oblivion.”

Driven to madness, he obeys. He’s groaning, moaning, and whining to you. He’s screaming for you as you keep your hands on his pips.

He’s moving his hips in time with yours, both of you shoving yourselves into each other. You’re close to your climax, but you don’t want him to know that. You hold it in as long as you can.

Meanwhile, your husband is coming completely undone above you. His moves are getting sloppy as tears leak from his eyes and onto your chest. You look up at him, and your heart almost aches at his expression.

His eyes are squeezed tightly shut, his teeth gritted as he thrusts into you. His cheeks are practically glowing that beautiful pink shade you love. He looks so… desperate.

Desperate to please you. To make up for all the time you both lost while he was away. He looks almost guilty as he works, finally getting over his pride and letting his true emotions show.

He even expresses it in words as he pounds into you, leaning down and peppering your skin with kisses.

“Ohhh SATAN, my love, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I let my pride overwhelm me when we could have been doing this every night! FUCK! I love you so much, I can’t live without you! Without your touch! I can’t live like this! I NEED YOU!~”

The pure emotion in his voice is enough to break you too, and you hug yourself against him as you both push into each other. Tears start to form into your eyes as your shell breaks, and your pride disintegrates.

“Ohhh, my King! I’m so sorry too, I should have come looking for you sooner! I shouldn’t have tried to make you so angry! I LOVE YOU!~”

“DARLIN’, I’M CLOSE-!”

“CUM FOR ME, KING!~”

You scream in euphoria as his seed bursts inside of you, leaning out and trailing down your legs. It’s enough to make you reach your orgasm as well, your fluids erupting over his stomach and your own.

You both are completely undone. Your hair is a mess. His mustache is crooked and ruffled. You both are glistening in sweat and fluid, drool and tears running down both your faces.

But you both are smiling at each other. Any anger you had towards one another is gone, replaced with utter infatuation. He pulls himself off of you and wipes every last drop of sweat and fluid off of you and himself.

You look at him in pure adoration as he finally drops next to you, and you immediately wrap your arms and legs around him. You haven’t cuddled with him in over a week, and you were desperate for his touch.

For the first time in way too long, he gives it to you. His arms are wrapped over your form, engulfing you in his embrace. His lips brush over the top of your head over and over in gentle kisses. His hands rub up and down your back, massaging away every bit of tension they find.

Your eyes slip shut, and you bury your face into his chest, giggling happily. You blink and stare up at him, a dopey grin on your face.

“I love you so much, baby.”

He looks down at you with an equally large smile, gently cupping your face.

“I love you more than you can even imagine, sweetness. And I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll make it up to you…”

“…Sorry for what?” You realize that you had completely forgotten what had made you so upset with him. Your mind was fuzzy, and your body was still trying to catch up with everything that happened in the last few hours.

Apparently, Dice was in the exact same boat. He paused, looking at you in slight confusion as he tried to remember what the hell caused him to avoid you for so long.

“I… oh my goodness, dear, I don’t remember!” He laughs, hugging you closer to him. He may not recall what went down, but if there’s one thing he does know, it’s that he’s just so happy to be back in your presence. He missed you so much.

“I… I don’t either!” You return his laughter, clinging onto him as you both chuckle with one another. You haven’t laughed like this with him in a long time, and you finally got the chance to relish in the bubbly feeling his laugh left in your chest.

You hate fighting with him. You both hurt each other deeply, and then you spend forever avoiding each other when you both should have just talked it over.

But if there’s one thing you love about fighting, is the sex that comes afterward. You suppose that in the end, all the heartache is worth it.

You have your husband back. He has you back. And that’s all that either of you care about.

When you gaze back up at your husband, he tilts your chin up towards him, you see that familiar look of lust in his eyes.

Chuckling fondly, you realize that neither of you will be getting sleep that night.

Angry!King Dice x Angry!Reader NSFW Headcanons (SHOW)

You and King Dice argue, sure, but it’s never over anything big, and you both are all over each other again in 10 minutes tops. You both rarely ever let things fester into something ugly.

Dice is a star, and he doesn’t want any unnecessary anger to leak into his performances. At the same time, he doesn’t want you to be distracted from your work, either.

However… sometimes, you both are just too stubborn for your own good. And things do get ugly. You both dig very deep, and you hit each other where it hurts.

So much so, that sometimes it’s hard to come back from your arguments straight away. Sometimes, you both need time away from each other to think.

The topics you fight over are irrelevant, because almost all the time, your arguments end just like this:

“YOU ARE AWFUL, YOU KNOW THAT? You make it SO HARD to live with you sometimes! HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?!”

“Oh CRY ME A RIVER, you are JUST AS BAD. You think you’re the innocent one EVERY TIME we argue and I am getting SO SICK OF KISSING UP TO YOU JUST TO GET YOU OFF MY BACK.”

“SOMETIMES, I WONDER IF I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE MARRYING YOU. You are such an irritating ASSHOLE, IT’S A MIRACLE I’VE PUT UP WITH YOU FOR THIS LONG!”

“Well, what an amazing coincidence! You know, I was JUST thinking! Did I make the right choice proposing to you? Or should I have DUMPED your sorry ass long before then? Because MAYBE if I DID, I WOULDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR BITCHING EVERY FIVE MINUTES.”

You both pause and stare at each other, the words finally registering in your heads. You both just questioned your marriage, and meant it.

You left home without a word. He lets you go, and doesn’t try to chase after you. You sleep in a motel, alone. He sleeps alone in his bed. Neither of you care.

You don’t return home in days. You book a few extra nights at the motel, just to be safe. You refuse to listen to the radio. You don’t want to hear your husband’s voice. You don’t even want to think about him. Right now, it’s just you. You don’t fucking need him, and if he dropped dead, you wouldn’t give a damn.

Would you?

Dice is seething. He’s so angry he can’t even sleep properly, and of course, that hinders his performance on the show. Only slightly, because it’s King Dice we’re talking about, but it’s enough for people to take notice, and become concerned for the man.

If someone were to ask, he would deny any problem. It was like you didn’t even exist. He secretly hoped you were still listening to his show so you could see that he was doing fine without you, that he didn’t need you. Because he didn’t. If you stopped existing suddenly, he would forget about you in 3 days tops.

Right?

Wrong.

He misses you, desperately. And that only makes him even more furious. He’s so angry that you just up and left without telling him where the hell you went. Like he doesn’t even matter. He is outraged. He would track you down himself if he could. Give you a piece of his mind.

‘What the hell were you thinking, running off like that? Are you that much of a coward?’

And you? You need him. You need him hysterically. You didn’t want to leave and grab a motel just to hide from him. You didn’t want to run away, and that’s what makes you even more pissed off. He was the reason you were staying there in the first place.

He didn’t even try to stop you. He just let you go, without a word. Did you really mean so little to him? If you got hurt, would he even be there for you?

And of course, another problem has to be thrown into the mix…

You both are incredibly touch starved. And it’s driving you both to the brink of madness. Dice hasn’t been satisfied in days, since before you left. And you haven’t been touched. You both need your problem fixed soon, or you may do something you regret.

Once your little situation has been brought to your attention, you decide that enough is enough. You pack up, and leave the motel to go back home. You still haven’t listened to Dice’s radio show, but you know damn well it’s going on.

You head home, knowingly arriving at an empty house, and wait in the bedroom. You watch the sun go down, and know that any minute now, your husband would walk in the door.

And he does. When he steps inside the bedroom and turns the lights on, he jumps in surprise at you, sitting with your arms crossed, waiting.

That surprise quickly turns to anger. He slams the door behind him, kicks off his shoes, and struts right up to you, forcing you by the jaw to look him in the eye.

“What. Were. You. THINKING?!”

Dice starts to rant to you, pacing the floor, using his arms for emphasis. You scoff at him, silently waiting for him to finish.

As he yells, you take a good look at him, assessing the shape he’s in. You notice the dark rings under his eyes even with concealer on, telling you that he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in days. His mustache is slightly messy and unkempt, when he usually keeps it pristine and neat for the audience. His clothes are slightly wrinkled. His voice is hoarse. God, he looks a mess.

You also pick up the scent of cigar smoke and alcohol. He must have had other ways to cope with your absence. You sigh to yourself a little, letting your heart ache slightly for the amount of pain your husband is in. You sit back, and continue listening.

“You LEFT. And you didn’t come back for over a WEEK! Do you realize how IDIOTIC that is?! You’re my spouse! My partner! Someone could have taken you for themselves! You would have left me behind! Do I really mean NOTHING to you anymore?!”

Alright, that’s enough. With newfound anger rising inside you, you stand, storm over to where he is, and smack him so hard that his head spins around several times.

You grab him by the head so it stops spinning, and kiss him hard.

Dice squeaks in surprise, both still recovering from his dizziness and in shock that you’d kiss him like that after he just berated you.

He hesitantly returns the kiss, still pissed as all hell, but he’d be damned if he didn’t miss those sweet tasting lips of yours. He’s desperate for any sort of touch from you. God, he needs to be inside of you. He needs you to touch him. He needs you.

You eventually pull away, glaring intensely at him, grabbing him by his bow tie and pulling him down to your level.

“Listen here, you cube-headed jackass. I am still incredibly angry with you, but right now, my arousal triumphs that. We are going to fuck. NOW, before I go insane and kill somebody.”

Dice stares you down, growling slightly and pulling you against him.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re getting at, bossing me around like I’m some bastard you found on the streets—”

“DICE. I WILL KILL SOMEONE.”

Dice grits his teeth, INCREDIBLY hesitant to obey your orders when it’s him who should be making them, but agrees. He’s too turned on to care right now.

“Alright fine, calm yourself. One round. ONE. And then we need to talk, because I’m not letting this whole situation slide.”

“Your clothes better start coming off soon, because otherwise I will rip them off.” You hiss, tugging at his waistcoat.

“You better quit bossing me around if you know what’s good for you, you needy little brat. I will punish you if you keep this up.” Nonetheless, your husband obeys you, stripping off his waistcoat and vest, his slacks and undershirt not far behind.

You smirk knowingly at him, seeing right through that damned ego of his. You know he’ll do anything you say right now, because he needs you just as much as you need him. He is YOUR toy tonight, and you’ll be sure to remind him of that.

You shove him onto the bed, yanking his boxers off as you slip off your own underwear, tossing the garments to the side as you climb into the bed.

“Look at that cock of yours, so hard for me… you poor dear, you must have had such a hard time dealing with this little problem…”

You’re mocking him. And he knows it. He opens his mouth to berate you for teasing him like that, but then you put your hands to work, and he can’t make any coherent sentences.

You practically cackle as you pump his dick with your hand, leaning overtop of him and sucking at his collarbone.

“That’s right baby, moan for me… just like that. If you’re a good boy and keep this up, then maybe I’ll reward you for your efforts.”

Dice tries to growl angrily at your statement, but he’s so undone at the sound of your voice and the movement of your hands that he lets out a tiny whine instead. You’ve rendered him helpless.

You smile with mischief as you pick up your pace, laughing as Dice starts grinding his hips to your movements.

“Awww, look at you Dice, so desperate for me… it’s adorable. I wonder how you behaved on your show. I wouldn’t know, I never listened to the radio.”

Upon hearing those words, Dice looks up at you in despair. “You… you never listened to my show? Not ONCE since you left?!”

You grin, pecking his lips as you pump the precum from his cock, letting it leak from your hands and travel down your arm. “Not. One. Day.”

Dice moans loudly in sadness as he leans his head back, unable to look at you. You always listened to his show, even if you were upset. And you didn’t even do that?

It was his fault anyway. Dice started that argument. He drove you away, and that was his rightful punishment. The only thing he could do now was try to be as good as he can to win you back.

Unbeknownst to him, he didn’t need to ‘win back’ anything. You needed him just as much. You were just getting a little too cocky with the amount of control you had over him.

You get off of him, lying down beside him on your stomach. You cross your arms and look over at him, telling him with a nonchalant voice:

“You better hurry up and fuck me while you can, this ass has a time limit.”

Dice is up in seconds. He shoots off from his lying position to kneel overtop of you, his cock at your entrance.

“Just relax sugar, I promise I’ll be so good to you. I’ll make this all worth your while~”

You squeak in delight as he pushes his length into you, filling your ass up until he is completely inside.

You throw your head back and groan loudly in pleasure, having missed the feeling of being stuffed by his cock like that. You were so happy to have that luxury again.

Above you, Dice begins to thrust, grabbing your hair and gently pulling, coaxing out every moan, whine, and yelp he can. Your voice makes him weak. Every time you make a noise, he’s pushing harder and harder until he is slamming into you.

Meanwhile, any sense of control you had was gone. That cockiness you had is overshadowed by longing as you grip the sheets, screeching out for him to go harder.

“Ohhh, KING!! Please, go harder! FASTER! FUCK, I’ll be so good to you! PLEASE~”

Hearing your pleas caused something to snap inside Dice’s head. That’s right… he was the one in charge here. How the hell did you somehow make him plead for you just minutes earlier?

Gritting his teeth, Dice rams into you as hard as he can, yanking your hair back so he can growl in your ear:

“I don’t know what kind of spell you put on me before, but things are different now. You’re no longer in charge, you gave up your reins. It’s my turn now.”

And with that, he lets go of your hair, gripping your sides with both hands as he pounds you until you’re seeing stars.

You are a screaming mess. The husk in his voice as he speaks to you in that tone drives you crazy, and combined with the way he’s fucking your ass? You start to cry, the overwhelming pleasure along with the memory of your argument enough to leave you begging for mercy.

“KING, I’M SORRY… I’m so sorry I left you alone! I’m sorry I didn’t listen to your show! Ohhh, FUCK, I’m at your mercy! Please, PLEASE let me cum! I’ll be so good to you! I promise you! Please King, you’re EVERYTHING to me!”

You feel something wet hit your back, and without even turning your head, you know your husband is in tears as well. However, he says nothing as he slams his cock into your ass. For a moment, you notice that he’s going slightly harder than he was before.

Dice grits his teeth at your words, squeezing his eyes shut as he crashes his hips into you. He’s slightly grateful that you don’t turn to look at him. He doesn’t want you to see what a mess he’s in. He wants you to keep up that dominant, furious image of him.

But in reality, he’s just as emotional as you are. He missed you dearly. He was no longer upset with you. You more than made up for your argument when you gave him that handjob. This is just a way for him to release any lingering frustrations he has.

But now that he’s dangerously close to his climax, he holds no more anger. He’s longing. Yearning for you. He hopes that you don’t leave again after you both finish. In fact, he finally speaks up as he reaches his peak.

“FUCK, doll, I’m cumming-!! I’m so sorry! Please don’t leave after this… I need you! I can’t live without you! Please come back to me!~”

“OHH, SHIT! KING, I’M GONNA CUM-!”

As soon as you feel his spent fill you to the brim, your own fluids burst from your genitals all over the bedsheets.

Dice’s hands don’t let go of your sides, keeping you steady as you both ride out your high. He pants heavily as he slides out of you and sits on the side of the bed, swiping a cigar from the pack resting on his nightstand.

You roll over so you’re on your back, your eyes wandering over to where he sits. Watching him light up his cigar, you sit up as well, scooting over to the edge of the bed and leaning against him as he takes an inhale.

Dice lets you, wrapping his free arm around you as he exhales, smoke emanating from his lips as he looks down at you.

You stare up at him, tears welling in your eyes at the sight. One look at him and you can tell straight away.

He’s in pain.

Not necessarily physical. He feels great. But he’s worried. Would you leave? Would you stay, but refuse to speak to him? What was next?

You bury your face into his side, your hand rubbing up and down his back, noticing the amount of tension he had. Sitting up, you look him in the eyes, and tilt his head towards you.

“I’m so sorry, honey… I love you.”

Dice reaches behind your head and runs his fingers through your hair, taking another deep inhale of his cigar before setting it in his ashtray. He shifts towards you completely, giving you his full attention.

“You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. It was all my fault, anyway. I started that fight.”

The fight… right. I guess he did start it, but… did he? Wait a minute…

“I… Dice, I don’t even recall what we were arguing about.” You giggle sadly, resting against him as your sides shook with laughter.

At your words, Dice ponders for a moment before laughing as well, shaking his head as he hugs you close.

“You know what, babydoll? I don’t either!”

You both laugh with each other, your sadness drifting away. He’s just so happy to have you back in his arms again, and you’re happy to be home. He loves you. You love him.

And you know what? If neither of you can even remember what the fight was over, it wasn’t worth arguing about anyway.

Dice smiles tiredly down at you, rubbing your back. He lets out a yawn, his exhaustion catching up to him.

“I’d love to continue the session tonight, but I think I’ll fall asleep halfway through.. I haven’t been sleeping very well without you here, honey.”

You shake your head, smiling up at him as you take his hand, your wedding rings gently clinking with each other.

“That’s okay, let’s get you to sleep. Besides, tomorrow’s our day off.”

#cuphead #cuphead dont deal with the devil #king dice #king dice cuphead #king dice headcanons #king dice x reader #smut #the cuphead show

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