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#i’m glad you’re doing well even though that sucks about your job sorry about that :(
fitsinthepalm · 9 months
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hey there alissa it’s been awhile!! how are you? lots of things to Catch up On in my world! the job i was just starting the last time we talked ended up fiRing me after 3 months because i called their maNager out for stealing tips from our tip share so. that’s fun! not the best first entry into the workforce but it’s ok. my eras tour show was so aMazing, and i actually ended up standing outside the stadium in pittsbUrgh which was really fun!! i also went on a major Family vacation (not saying where because i’ve talked about it on my main haha) and it was incredible. but enough about me, what’s new with you? what are your plans for this Fall? my fall is going to be filled with school, volleyball, and mIssing my sister as she just left for college :( see you sooN!
CORN MUFFIN ANON HI ❤️
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elysia-nsimp · 5 months
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Heyyyy buddy pal friend, *cough ( sorry ). I was wondering if you could write a poly fluff romantic scenario between overblot Azul and overblot Jamil with a male reader, preferably an interation between the trio. thx and here have a follow and a cookie 🍪
HIIII oh my gosh thanks for the follow and cookie !!
And thanks for your patience too, I know it’s been a WHILE since you sent me this ask. I kinda lost my twst spark for a bit there then was hit with the dreaded “ohhh what if my writing sucks”
Anyway I decided to not worry about that too much. This is mostly unedited because I just. REALLY wanted to get something out for you. I promise I didn’t forget! :’)
——
Contents: established relationships, polyamory!! Both Jamil and Azul are dating you as the reader, but not each other, mild Book 3/4 spoilers, reader uses he/him pronouns ! ^^
With both Azul and Jamil overblotting, it’s already a recipe for disaster.
Azul and Jamil aren’t all that different in some aspects. Both crave the power and control they lacked in their childhoods, and seek to stand over the rest as a result of that.
One thing they have in common for certain though, is their love for you! You were dating them both before this whole thing happened, and although they don’t get along that well, they’re both glad you’re happy with the relationship.
However…this does lead to them fighting over you when overblotted.
Both of them want your undying attention, although for slightly different reasons. Oh, what is a poor reader to do?
On one hand, Jamil’s over here like “praise me please!!! i want to be called a handsome young man!!!!!” while Azul wants cuddles because he is full of embarrassment and pain and suffering.
Poor you is stuck in the middle of them, metaphorically being tugged back and fourth between them.
Azul’s like, “Actually, handsome, I believe he will be spending his evening with me.”
While Jamil’s like “ACTUALLY I require him to be here with ME as my cheerleader while I run Scarabia!” (I’m afraid he can’t provide the pompoms though)
Despite their back and fourth, when you step in they both turn to you with no hesitation.
“Who do you choose, Yuu?” Azul looks almost desperate, silently begging you to pick him. Meanwhile, Jamil crosses his arms, convinced he’s already won.
“Do I have to choose?” you ask.
Utter silence from both of them. They glance at each other, then back to you.
“What do you mean, ‘do you have to choose?’” Jamil sounds almost taken aback by your question.
“What if I don’t want to pick?” you retort. “What if I choose both of you?”
After some mild side glares at each other from your partners, they agree that it’s a win-win! Jamil will put up with Azul and vice versa. You end up smooshed between two slightly agitated overblots. As you run your fingers through Azul’s hair, you tell Jamil how very handsome he is and tell him he’s done a good job, even if it didn’t work out in the end. This makes both of them very happy.
Their overblots both die down after a while, leaving you with your two partners asleep, one on your shoulder and one in your lap.
Congrats!! You’re a hero for being gay. /pos
——
I’m not gonna lie, I thought this was a really cute dynamic. Very fun to write, even if it wasn’t super long. Again thanks for waiting for so long while I got my stuff together lol
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true-blue-sonic · 6 months
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❓️ :)
❓ any WIP snippet you want!
This is an odd one: I have a draft for a short Soulmate AU story in my folder, haha. The idea there is that people have heterochromatic eyes, with one colour being of their own and one being that of their soulmate. Except Espio's got two golden eyes... and thus he Has No Soulmate, very drama, much suck, he pretends it doesn't affect him so much. So I hope you enjoy this ^-^
~~~~
With a glower Espio stares at his reflection in the mirror, washing his face and studying his eyes. His two eyes, with no difference in colour between them; both a golden yellow, both honeyed and marvelled at by many interested in him and neither matched by any of those people.
“It might not mean anything, really,” Vector had assured him with a bright smile, his one orange and one brown eye kind and fond. “Some people never find their soulmates, but they do find someone else, and they are happy together. And some people do find their soulmate, and they find they don’t like the loss of freedom and break up, and they are happy too. Some people have the same as you, no soulmate at all, and they either never find anyone or do find someone and are also happy. And some people-“
“Yes, I get it,” Espio had interrupted, bristling more than he would have liked himself to.
“I’m just saying you don’t seem to be very open for the idea of falling in love in the first place, Es.”
“Indeed I am not.”
“Well, maybe you should be. It’s wonderful, to be in love.” And that had been the final end of the discussion, and it still makes Espio hiss when he thinks about it. He does not even want a dumb soulmate; it can only be stifling and irking and taking away his attention from his job and tasks he considers so much more important...
That had been his stance on things ever since learning about the prospect of soulmates in the first place, at least, and though the thought the universe does not even have a soulmate out there for him stings, during lonely nights and quiet days he is content.
Or so he always said.
“Thanks for coming too, Espio,” Sonic beams at him, before his half-emerald, half-jade gaze drops down to his chilidog-sauce-covered fingers the chameleon is staring at as well and he quickly licks it away with a giggle as Espio grimaces. “Sorry, heh. But I hadn’t even had time to ask you how you are doing so far! Having fun at the party?”
With a nod Espio hums. The Blue Blur’s birthday party had been quite a struggle to plan out; not because of any unwillingness on everyone’s parts, but because the speedy hedgehog is simply that adept at finding out what they are doing on any other day, plus being plenty fast and capable of showing up in unexpected places within seconds on top. “I am glad the planning went well,” the chameleon thus says. “And that you are having fun, as well. It is your party, after all.”
“I’m having a blast! And I had no idea you guys had anything in store!” Sonic beams back at him. “Heh, and even Eggman showed up to wish me a happy birthday- a good day, really.”
“Hm hm.” Surely Eggman did not show up only for that alone, and Espio suppresses a frown at the memories of being frozen in time, short as it had lasted- well, to be fair, it had not lasted any time at all within the timeless void Eggman had banished everyone to. But Sonic saved the day as usual, and thus he can only be happy.
Eyes already firmly trained on another unattended chilidog on the table Sonic shoots him a little smile from the corner of his mouth. “You’re sitting quite alone here.”
“Don’t I always,” Espio retorts back; sure, he is isolating himself quite a bit once Vector’s and Charmy’s shenanigans stopped being fun and started being irking, but he reasons the Blue Blur knows that about him by now.
“Why don’t you try mingling with some of the others guests who are less likely to drive you nuts?”
“Like whom.”
“Ah- hmm-“ Narrowed bi-coloured green eyes trail over the grassy field they had planned the surprise in, Espio’s normal golden gaze following it. Everyone is chatting and mingling, clearly having fun... “Hm! Do you know Silver?” Sonic speaks up, and the chameleon shrugs at the unfamiliarity of the name.
“I do not believe we have met, no.”
“He’s a buddy of mine too! Met him a while ago, fought each other, went on some adventures, sparred in that white void just now, he’s great.”
“That sounds lovely,” Espio deadpans back.
“Yup!! Heh, I think he is isolating himself as well, actually. Says he doesn’t really know what to do with so many people around.”
“That sounds like me, then.”
With a little grin Sonic bounces away. “He’s over in the little forest over there, if you want to look for him. And if you do see him, tell him I said hi!”
“Yes, of course. Have a good day, Sonic.”
“Will do bye!!” And with that the speedster dashes away, unassuming chilidog getting snatched and people laughing and singing Happy Birthday in the distance as Espio shakes his head. Sonic truly can be too enthusiastic for his own good at times... and he does not even want to meet with some new person. Probably also someone with heterochromic eyes, with the promise of a soulmate in one, someone who will pity him for the fact he has no such thing, he notes bitterly to himself before he can help it... before he shakes his head with a grunt. He is above all that, after all, and no matter what this Silver thinks of him and his two completely normal golden eyes it is not his problem. And besides, maybe this Silver is a calm, even-tempered, laid-back and pleasantly quiet person-
Actually, Espio interrupts himself in that train of thought, that seems to be almost impossible if this Silver is also friends with Sonic.
Sighing deeply the chameleon gets up, stretching himself out and rubbing one eye. It is nice, to sit here in the sun; but stretching his legs and going on a walk sounds nice as well. Not to mention Sonic will pester him about talking to Silver... If he just goes to that little forest for a walk he can say he at least tried to meet that person and missed him, and if he does come across him he can keep it at useless small talk and other such nonsense before making his escape. Yes, Espio nods, setting a brisk pace towards the swaying trees in the distance. No matter which scenario, it’ll be exactly the way he likes it.
Finding himself in the small forest before long – more a glorified collection of trees than a real forest – Espio permits a small smile to form on his face. With the foliage blocking most of the noises from the birthday party in the distance he can focus on the sounds of nature around him: the birdsong and the rustling of leaves in the wind and-
Something akin to a crash, and a loud one at that.
Freezing up Espio lets his fingers trail over the kunai always hidden in his glove cuffs, listening intently to the noises around him. An animal, most likely, or a robot, unfortunately not that unlikely, or-
“Ow! Owwwww.”
...A child?
“Silver, you've got to be more careful,” a voice rings out inbetween the trees a bit distantly, the chameleon’s tail flicking as he inches closer with something stirring in his chest he can’t exactly place. “You can’t keep getting yourself stuck in bushes, that’s just dumb. And they’ll laugh at you if they find out."
Brow furrowing at the hint of sadness intermixing the disappointed tone Espio scuffles to the place he can hear the voice from, peeking past a handful of bushes at the source... which is a small grey hedgehog hopelessly entangled in a bush, the two long quills flowing from his back and getting tugged at uselessly by... hands adorned with cyan circles? “Okay, so this is a bit of a situation,” the child - or rather teenager, because he's not that small - speaks again, grunting as he twists his head around; with the awkward way he is sitting Espio can’t even see what his face looks like. “So maybe-“
“Excuse me,” the chameleon interrupts, aiming to step up to the anthro- and stiffening as a growl resounds and the child begins fussing and squirming instead with the same odd cyan colour rising up all around him. “Wait- sorry! I do not mean you harm, I wish to help you-"
“Who are you!” the anthro snaps at him... rather clumsily, considering Espio can barely see a hint of his face staring up at him.
“My name is Espio, and I presume you are Silver, and now stop twisting like that before you get any brambles stuck in your face next,” Espio retorts, unexpectedly forceful; but he has plenty of experience with Charmy and his shenanigans, and thus he knows very well how to be firm with someone. “I wish to help you, but you need to sit still.”
A huff resounding the other fusses some more, but it pipes down soon enough, the realisation he is hopelessly stuck presumably having struck him. “...Okay. But if you hurt me-!"
“I have no intention to, what with you being a friend of Sonic and all.” Carefully sitting next to him Espio lets his fingers trail over the thick branches wrapped around grey quills, a little smile forming on his face at the way two tiny ears perk up.
“Oh, you know Sonic too?”
“Indeed I do,” Espio hums back, touching his lips with a deep frown replacing the little grin; he hardly smiles, so why... Shaking that thought away he quickly hums, grabbing his kunai after all and carefully moving to cut through the tinier twigs and twines first. “Indeed, he is a companion of the Chaotix Detective Agency which I am a part of as well. We helped plan his birthday party- though I do not recall inviting you.”
A laugh which makes the odd feeling in his chest stir up only more resounds, light and amused. “I mean, I wasn’t invited, actually! I don’t know what happened. One moment I’m just hanging out by myself, and the next I’m in some sort of white void in a ruined city-“ the other’s voice hitches just barely at that, but before Espio can question what it means it recovers- “and then Sonic comes up to me and asks for my Emerald. That was all really suspicious, so I fought him!! And then I lost.”
“Oh,” Espio hums back, his tail giving a twitch with something he cannot place.
“Which is too bad, but it was epic. And then he fought that purple monster thing, and then we were all back here, and t h e n he asked me to stay for his birthday and celebrate as well. So I guess I’m here now.”
“I... see.” Face having long assumed a rather amused frown at the slightly-hectic recalling of events Espio hums and smiles, untangling the other’s quills slowly from the bramble bush and checking one final time if the other truly is free. “Well met, Silver, and my condolences for losing your spar. You’re free now.”
“Thanks- oh, thank you!!” Scrambling up the child flies into the air, shaking out his pelt with a delighted little whoop as Espio stares up at him with quickly-growing confusion. Just what is that cyan around him?! “You’re awesome, Espio!” Silver beams, turning around with a bright smile sent his way- but before the chameleon can respond to ask about the odd colour his eyes fall on the hedgehog’s face, and his words die on his tongue as his body goes a ghostly cold.
Because Silver has the exact same eyes as he does.
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yanderelovlies · 1 year
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✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!
Thanks viví for understanding and no problem! Glad to hear that. You deserve the happiness.
I know, I get maybe the artstyle maybe not your cup of tea but that hard? I thought nick looked cute with his new outfit. True. Probably just didn’t like the artstyle and new outfits for some but dear lord overdramatic much?
Yes and even then sometimes they make you feel stupid that you don’t understand it. Yeah like sorry I suck at this subject but I’m trying. But sometimes I don’t blame the teachers since I was so paranoid even the nice ones I had a hard time even asking since I was so scared.
I get that but sometimes it isn’t your fault. You have the right to say no and they shouldn’t make you feel bad about it. I had to learn that and I still struggle with it but know sometimes it’s okay. Well I feel welcomed so I think you’re doing a good job at it.
No worries and yeah I don’t want people to know who I am unless I trust them and I mean when I’m very sure since I was a stupid kid back then and did some things that could’ve actually gotten me hurt. Makes sense at least you have some wall of privacy now. Was there one that made you laugh? Ooh please do one day I love to heat them that sounds interesting especially in her field of work.
I get that. Once I get attached it’s hard for me to break off a bad friendship or deal with a lose of one when we both drift apart. Yeah I get that especially now fearing to put yourself out there okay to get hurt again…it’s a terrible feeling and has messed with me for years. Are they trying to be friends with you again or trying to hurt you again? No worries I will anyway so you don’t have to worry if I left this blog again. Viví you’re too sweet stop it you’re making my teeth rot! I don’t usually get dressed up but I’m wearing my best outfit for that gotta look good! Get my good side lol.
You deserve all the happiness in the world 100% facts.
I don't get either. Don't get me wrong there is somethings that feels a bit off, but I don't think it was worth an uproar. I just hope Sauce and those working on the game remember to take care of themselves. The deserve all the rest they can get.
They do! Though I did have this teacher in high school was she seemed like she would have been over it, but was eager to help make sure her students passed she just had resting bitch face lol.
I have to remind myself too, and I'm getting better at it though sometimes I can't help it. I'm glad you feel welcomed cause that's one of two goals 💕.
Oh God me too I had unrestricted internet access. I thought I knew all and nothing would happen. Oops lol. As for funny stories from my mom mmm honestly I would have to ask her I have the memory of goldfish 👀.
Well, I originally broke off the friendship because they are very...toxic. It also didn't help that one person in the group made it seem like I was a problem even though I just wanted to hang out. Now only one of them tries to hang out, but I don't have it in me anymore. I'm tired of "being a problem" so I don't really respond and hope they just leave alone. Also I bet you look fantastic in whatever you wear so flaunt 💅✨️💕
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bisluthq · 3 months
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I generally just infodump about Taylor Swift in my submission, but I actually need some advice (or literally just to vent).
So, about a month ago I moved from Grade 10 (high school) to Grade 11 (college) and obviously it's been an adjustment period, but I'm starting to get used to things.
The problem is, like a week after I expressed to my best friend that I'd felt like our friend group (including her) were sort of just tolerating my presence, she texted me this LONG text basically saying that she's been trying to find the right way to say things, and that she really cares about me, doesn't want to hurt my feelings, how I haven't done anything wrong, but she's going through some shit and is really struggling mentally at the moment, and basically needs some space, and feels like she can't be there for me in the way I deserve.
I cried when I saw it, but I understood (and still do understand) where she was coming from, and was very supportive of what she'd said in my follow up messages. But since then, every time I've seen her at school she's been with out other friend, even though she said she'd expressed this to other people.
Me, her, and the other friend all share a maths class, and they've stopped sitting with me. The first time it happened, she texted me that night and was like, "fuck were you here today? I'm so sorry."
And to be quite honest, I'm upset, but I sort of feel like I shouldn't be. She's done everything "right", and done her best to make it clear I haven't done anything, but it still feels a little targeted, especially since when I told her about feeling ignored she was like, "I really think for your sake you need to get out more/talk to more people" but even that was phrased as nicely as possible.
It's all just a mind-fuck, and I don't what to do. I've just been hanging out with some other people I'm a little less close to and it’s been great, but she's my best friend and I hate not talking to her, even if I get why.
I think transition periods (middle to secondary; secondary to college; college to uni; uni to workplaces) often come with these sorts of complicated friend situations and it absolutely does suck. I think you’re justified in feeling a bit ticked off and it is - imho - a little bit personal (which is okay). By the sound of it, she wants to craft a bit of a new identity and strike outside her established comfort zone and you’d prefer to stay close and keep the status quo. That’s an impasse. I’d recommend trying to make some new friends and getting out your comfort zone too. You and her might reconnect in time, or maybe you’re growing in separate directions. That’s definitely sad but it’s a part of life. I’d focus on making new friends at college and your extramurals/part-time job. Be proactive. The people you like from college but aren’t close to - why not invite them to do something together? You aren’t close now but you might become close and it’s a chance to spread your wings and make new friends (which seems to be what she wants to do too). Neither of you are at fault - this is a really hard but normal thing to go through.
I had a similar situation actually partway into uni so not even during a life transition but basically a friend told me a similar thing. It was right after my ex and I broke up and I was sorta leaning on being very sociable and she and I had been friends since school and anyway I kept asking her if she wants to hang out and eventually she said to me that she feels we’re growing apart and should take some space from each other. Her and I actually went on to do the same postgrad course and we’ve hung out again but we’ve never been THAT close and yes it hurt a lot (her message was ruder than your friend’s btw) but eh she was probably right like we were growing in different directions and the close friendship was running its natural course. Didn’t make it hurt less but I wish her well and I’m glad I did manage to make a bunch of new friends at uni - many of whom are lifelong friends - which I probably wouldn’t have done if she hadn’t sorta given me that push and carried on focusing on like her and our other school friend and mutual friends with my ex.
allow yourself to hurt and mourn a bit but also go out and be sociable and make new friends imo!
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roseintheclouds97 · 5 months
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Hello, it’s Eris again.
I’ve done a lot of thinking and I wanted to give you a proper apology. The way I left was really shitty. REALLY shitty. And I hate it and felt so guilty and I did it anyway bc well…I don’t want to call myself a shitty person bc I’m not. I just see that I have a lot of things I need to work on when it comes to friendships and running away…
I’m sure you noticed how often I’d try to run from my twin and I even often told you how I hated how I’d make friends online and then they’d leave with no explanation and ghost me despite me getting so attached. And now I went and did the same thing to you. In fact I spent so much time thinking about it I suddenly remembered you are not the first friend I’ve made online that I ran away from and just decided to leave out of nowhere and it sucks bc I’ll never be able to apologize to those girls. Or even comprehend why I do run away so suddenly despite knowing firsthand the pain it causes.
But I can apologize to you. I’m sorry. I don’t ask for forgiveness. But I do want to express my regret because you’re such a lovely girl and you didn’t deserve to just be left out in the cold like that and I AM sorry. Idk there’s some trauma there I need to work on to figure out why I do it. But I just wanted to apologize for it because it’s not your fault and it’s nothing you said or did. I truly did enjoy every one of our conversations and I’m sooo glad we talked as long as we did. You were there for me through my aunt’s cancer when I had no one else to talk to and when I was being dumb about my twin or ranting about life or the universe or whatever the fuck came to our minds. And I know it wasn’t one sided. We both were able to just vent and express ourselves and I’m really truly grateful because you are an amazing friend and a beautiful, intelligent young woman with so much potential.
So despite my shitty exit I wanted to remind you that you are an incredible woman and I hope me leaving hasn’t deterred you in anyway. Do NOT give up or istg- don’t let your father or mother or smelly ass ugly ass pilot or even the loser who couldn’t take a confession from you or shady people who shouldn’t be getting married get in your way.
I know it doesn’t seem like you’ve made any progress but throughout our time talking I watched you become more and more confident and bold and daring and give less and less fucks about the toxic people draining you and I’m so proud of you. You have to give yourself credit. You might be changing slowly but you ARE changing and you are trying and fighting tooth and nail and I hope you can acknowledge that bad bitch part of you that still thrives despite the shitty conditions you’re put in.
I don’t care if you want to be a flight attendant or win a pageant or move to Bora Bora and sell coconuts. You stick to your dreams and you keep fighting, girl. Bc fuck you’re incredible! And it would be a damn shame if you told me all that you have and you did nothing to continue writing your story. This is only chapter one bitch! Get to writing! There’s still so much to tap into.
I’m doing better :) mentally, I mean. I have my bad days but I started taking these stress gummies and they help a LOT which maybe means I need anxiety meds but for now gummies it is. I’m motivated, I’m happy again. I’m relaxed most days. I’m exercising and I bought myself new clothes. I’m going to go to that 5sos concert and have a good ass time. You’ll be happy to know I haven’t fought with my twin at all and I’ve had three dreams of him(wow! New record 🤩) and two of them were about meeting him so who knows 👀 won’t get my hopes up though bc been there done that.
Oh and I put my two weeks notice in today! I’m happy to quit and move on and yeah school will be hard but mentally I’m happier there than clocking in at a shit job that drains me. But we do it bc we have to. Bc it’s a temporary stepping stone so remember that, okay? We need money so we work but it’s not forever!
I’m not on here but I wanted to again apologize and idk I hope you’re doing well and I felt like you deserved another less rushed apology even if it’s still vague and shitty. I’m always rooting for you regardless of my shitty coping mechanisms 🥹
Idk if any of this makes sense or if it makes it worse. I just wanted to say I’m sorry again. Best <3
I know you probably won’t see this, but I hope you have a happy new year. 🎊
There’s a lot I wish I could say to you and tell you about these past few months. I thought I’d give replying to your last message a try.
At first I didn’t know how to feel. I’ve been abandoned too many times to count at this point, so while it hurt, it was kind of expected. I don’t really have any friends right now either and the new ones I tried to make during training ended up being pretty fake.
Still very much alone but I’m learning to be okay with that. I’d rather be alone than surrounded by people who only use me.
Can’t say some of the bad decisions haven’t continued but it’s been a rough couple of months so you can’t completely blame me. Lost my grandma. Hate my job (yeah I’m a flight attendant). Two people disappeared with no notice (one of them being you). But I’m hoping next year is gonna be much better. I do have plans that I hope to follow through with.
I think you’re the last person I could hold a grudge against because we are very similar and I understand why you did what you did because I’ve been in your shoes before. So If you ever decide to reach out again I have a buddy pass with your name on it to take you to Korea or wherever you want to go. I’m literally just one flight away if you decide to open your heart to friends again 🩵
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ambitionsource · 7 months
Text
AMBITION “Living Memory” [ 4.11 ]♮PART 1, half 2
INT. CHEY APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY
Nigel is grabbing a quick lunch before his afternoon class, taking the peace of most of his family being out in the middle of the day to catch up on some reading. So he isn’t expecting his father to step back into the kitchen, lifting his eyes from his book.
For a moment, the two stare at each other, not sure what to say. Then, Ernesto fills the silence.
Ernesto: Another job just came up over in Queens. So will be heading over there soon. [ off his nod ] What are you reading?
Nigel holds up the book so he can see the title. Titus Andronicus. Ernesto hums.
Ernesto: That is a good one. Heavy, though. Nigel: Yeah. You’re the one who raised me on Romeo & Juliet. Ernesto: True. Perhaps I am guilty as charged.
That manages to earn the smallest of smiles from Nigel. It definitely is a bit easier to breathe around his dad, who has shared his appreciation for literature and always seemed to “get” him.
Even if his reaction to his ambitions wasn’t the most encouraging either. Ernesto chooses to try to address that, clearing his throat.
Ernesto: It’s been very quiet around here. Since that… big conversation. Your mom is quite upset. Nigel: Is she? That makes two of us. Ernesto: The things that were said… there wasn’t any ill intent, Nigel. You know that we both are very proud of you, and all your passions.
Actually, Nigel thought he knew that, but now it all feels up in the air. That’s precisely the problem. Words are just words, after all… and if someone hears the wrong ones more than the right…
Ernesto: It was just surprising. You didn’t bring it up to us with much time to consider it. Nigel: When exactly was I supposed to? How much time would you have needed? A day? A week? My whole life? Because based on what mom said, sounds like she would’ve been ready… never. Ernesto: That’s not true. That’s not how she feels. Nigel: Well, that’s what I heard. And she’s not the one standing here trying to convince me otherwise, so doesn’t that kind of speak for itself?
Ernesto frowns, but he can’t argue against that. The fact is, Nigel is more like Liezel than he realizes -- both of them are quiet, and a bit stubborn when they feel they’re in the right, and absolutely hate confrontation.
Ernesto: We just want what’s best for you, Nigel. It takes a bit of time to figure out what that is. Nigel: Cool. Glad what I want seems to be a big factor in that equation.
Ernesto sighs. Not getting anywhere. Not that it really matters -- he knows this isn’t really about him. It’s up to Nigel and Liezel to work it out. All he can do is try to smooth out the ruffled feathers.
Right now, not going so well. Nigel heads into the living room and grabs his backpack from the couch.
Nigel: I’m sorry, dad. I’m sorry… that this sucks, and that I’m not doing it right. That I’m not being what you guys want me to be. Ernesto: That isn’t how we feel. It’s not how I feel.
But he can’t speak for Liezel, and that’s what stings the most.
Nigel: Well, thanks. But now I’ve gotta go to class.
You know, at the school he doesn’t want to be at anymore. He steps out without waiting for a response, Ernesto rubbing his face once he’s alone.
INT. CHEY APARTMENT - EXTERIOR HALLWAY - DAY
Nigel exhales a weighted sigh of his own, leaning back against the apartment door. The apartment he’ll probably never leave, trapped in the limitations of his own talent and the expectations of his mother. Perpetual disappointment, potential unfulfilled, destined to always be second string and three steps behind the curve.
Is this all he has left to look forward to? Is this really the rest of his life?
Nigel pushes off the door and starts down the hallway, as the eclectic backing instrumental kicks up --
Song Cue ♫ ♪ “23” as performed by Wallice || Performed by Nigel Chey
Nigel launches into the off-beat soliloquy with gusto, emotion leaking through despite his flat, unaffected delivery. The song is somewhat mocking in tone, but there’s a real insecurity underneath, a youthful desperation that goes deeper than poorly fitting universities. He sings directly towards the camera as he moves down the hall, arriving at the stairwell.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - STAIRWELL - DAY
He plods through the remainder of the first verse as he descends the flights of stairs to the lobby, glimpsing the banal existences of other residents as he passes the doorways. Kids blowing off school with the conviction that there’s nothing more important in life than what they’d rather do right now; women juggling babies on their hips that they couldn’t seem to care less about. Lonely elderly folk with no one to share company with, toddling back to the lonely apartments they’ve inhabited for decades.
All different phases of stuck, stunted by the reality of life.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - LOBBY - DAY
Nigel makes it into the lobby in the build-up to the first chorus, backing up against the main doors and letting the musical confession claw out of his throat.
I’m terrified of the future Scared that I’ll still be a loser!
Then he falls backwards through the doors --
EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY
And bursts into the chorus as he traverses through his neighborhood. Passing by more folks looking disillusioned with life, each of them including Nigel suddenly accompanied by a little rain cloud over their heads. So overshadowed by what isn’t working, the things that are haunting them, that they can’t see the sun right above them.
Nigel rolls through the high-energy chorus, daydreaming about a future where he maybe he just gives up. Skips all the pain of figuring things out, marries his badass successful partner and plays trophy husband instead. Having dreams doesn’t seem to be working out for him otherwise.
He reaches the subway entrance and jogs down the steps…
INT. SUBWAY CAR - MOVING - DAY
Just as the raucous guitar solo takes over, accenting the mundane chaos of the train ride into Manhattan. Nigel is packed into the center of it all, ironic rain cloud still over his head, staring dead at the camera as he sways with the uneven rhythm of the subway. All the other passengers mimic his empty expression, going through the motions just the same.
EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY
Nigel is back above ground as he slips into the second verse, this one vulnerable than the first. He’s heading towards NYU campus with his hands stuffed in his pockets, dragging his feet the whole way there. Riffing off how he imagines his parents must feel about him, what they dread is going to be his inevitable future if he screws everything up.
Art school dropout at 21, Disappointed my mom, did it just for fun
He doesn’t want to throw everything out of whack. He doesn’t want to let them down. But as he stares up at the NYU buildings looming over him, promising three more years of contorting into a box he doesn’t quite fit, he just can’t stomach it. He shakes his head and turns the other way.
Had to choose between being broke and bored So I cut my losses and I left New York
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - SHAKESPEARE GARDEN - DAY
So he finds solace in his favorite space, retreating to the familiar comforts of the Shakespeare Garden. This is where he truly starts to crack, the frustration and fear of how everything is spinning out a powerful adversary against his wiser instincts.
Don’t know why I feel so dumb The best of my years are yet to come
But at this point in their lives, when everyone keeps saying you have to have it all figured out, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything feels like the end of the world, and the possibility that there’s better things waiting on the other side feels like a cruel trick to gamble on.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - BOW BRIDGE - DAY
Nigel finishes up the performance while traipsing through the park, repeating the chorus to its conclusion. As the guitar noise fills the soundscape again, he stops in the middle of the bow bridge, dangling his lanyard over the side while he looks down at his reflection in the water.
He doesn’t like what he sees, on a number of fronts. It just isn’t right. He fussily removes an NYU keychain from his key ring, giving it a dissatisfied scowl.
I just can't wait to be all grown up and 23 And tell me what is wrong with me
Reflection frowning back up at him, he throws the keychain away, abruptly cutting off the music as it hits the water. Disrupting his image in a series of ripples as it disappears under the surface, sinking into the darkness.
Grace, pre-lap: Will you please just tell me what’s wrong?
INT. KENNETH’S BEDROOM - FLASHBACK - DAY
Grace is over in her boyfriend’s room, decorated with all the trappings of a typical nineties teenage boy. He’s got some country and punk band posters on the wall, along with taped up baseball cards and mementos from their high school. On a shelf by the door, medals and trophies sit on display from football and baseball alike -- though they don’t seem to get much attention from him.
Right now, Grace is hovering underneath the shelf, arms crossed and feeling equally ignored. Another trophy in his collection, whether he’s always happy about that or not. Because for now, he’s intent on ignoring her, reclined on his bed and absentmindedly tossing a baseball into the air. Pointedly pretending she isn’t there.
Although so much of their romance has been a whirlwind, dreamlike and heart-racing and deep, this is an angle that Grace hasn’t yet figured out how to crack. These odd times where Kenneth seems to morph, to lose his natural charm and become something else. Moody, uncommunicative, cold. So unlike the thoughtful, sunny guy she knows -- the one she’s fallen in love with.
She knows she can be equally reserved, just by nature, but she’s trying. At least she’s trying to communicate and let him in. When he gets like this, it feels like talking to a wall.
Grace: I’m trying to help you, you know. Kenneth: Huh. Don’t remember when I asked for help. Grace: You’ve been in a terrible mood since this weekend. Every time I try to talk it through, you just totally shut me down. If I can do anything to help, I will, but I can’t do that unless you tell me what’s wrong. Kenneth: [ with a scoff ] Yeah, right.
Okay, seriously, what is his deal? She came all the way over here, snuck out to do so since her parents don’t let her visit (on the record) when his parents are out of town, and he’s just going to treat her like this?
Kenneth: I didn’t ask you to come over here. You did that on your own. Grace: Yeah, I did. Because I’m worried about you. But if you’re just going to snipe at me like this, then yeah, maybe I’ll just go -- Kenneth: Ugh, no! Don’t get like that, damn.
As if she’s being the unreasonable one. Grace huffs, eyeing him sharply as he pushes upright to sit on the edge of his bed.
Grace: Then what is your issue? Kenneth: You wouldn’t get it, okay? It doesn’t mean anything to you. Grace: Try me. Kenneth: I’m honestly surprised you don’t already fucking know, since I’ve told you more than once. The game on Friday, the one where we lost by a fucking landslide? That I screwed up? Grace: It wasn’t your fault. It’s a team sport. Maybe the other team was just better. Kenneth: Wow, thanks. You’re so supportive. Grace: I wasn’t -- what I’m saying is -- Kenneth: [ cutting her off ] The point is, we absolutely bit it. And that’s bad shit, because like I told you -- if you cared to listen to anything I say -- the scouts from A&M were there. This was my chance to show them what I’ve got, and they saw me play the biggest loss of my career instead. Grace: … well, there will be other games. Kenneth: Ha, tell that to my fucking dad! You should’ve heard him when we got home. Grace: They scout more than once, right? So when they come back -- Kenneth: Ugh, are you stupid? Do you hear anything I’m saying?! [ getting to his feet ] I screwed up! It’s over for me! I had one shot, and I just had to go and --
He growls and throws the baseball as hard as he can into his laundry basket, a true fastball in such short distance. It has enough power on it to bang the wall behind the basket, causing Grace to flinch.
Even so, she feels for him. She knows the pressure his dad puts on him, how hard he works to be perfect on and off the field. She can empathize with that.
Grace: I’m sorry. I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned. Like I said, there will be other opportunities. A&M would be insane not to want you on their team. Kenneth: Well, tell them that. You can follow my dad on the march right now -- where do you think he and my mama went this afternoon? [ with a snarl ] He’s doing everything he can to grease the right palms so I still have a shot. Grace: You’ll get on your own merit, I know it. You don’t need his help. Kenneth: You don’t know shit, Grace. Stop talking about shit you don’t know.
Well, if being kind isn’t going to work, what is she possibly supposed to do? She holds her arms out in surrender.
Grace: Okay, well, what do you want from me? I’m trying to be supportive -- Kenneth: You’re not doing a great job. Grace: Then tell me what you want. Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it. But if you don’t tell me -- Kenneth: Oh, just stop. Stop lying! Grace: How the hell am I lying? Kenneth: Because we both know that ain’t true. You won’t do anything. We already know there are plenty of things you won’t do.
Grace shakes her head, totally bewildered. Kenneth seems to grow more frustrated at her innocent confusion, pacing slightly and clenching his fists at his sides.
Kenneth: And that just makes it worse. The way you act like you never know what I’m talking about. C’mon, Grace, just cut it out and be real with me. Grace: I don’t know what you’re talking about. What? Kenneth: I’m talking about the fact that you are so fucking frigid! That’s how I know you wouldn’t do “anything” -- because you haven’t. [ with a huff ] I mean, how many times have I told you I wanna be with you, that I’m dying to have you --
Oh, so this is about sex. Sex, and how apparently, she won’t put out. It’s clearly not the first time they’ve discussed it, either, because Grace visibly grows more reserved.
Grace: I don’t get what that has to do with anything. I’ve told you, I just don’t know if I’m ready. Kenneth: No, what you don’t know is whether you love me. If you actually feel about me the way I feel about you. Grace: That is not true. We do plenty of other stuff -- Kenneth: No, it is. It’s obvious. Because when I’m with you, I feel crazy. I feel like I’m on fire, and even just being near you makes me want to kiss you. I’m so in love with you, it’s driving me insane, and it’s all I can do to control myself around you. I want you that badly. But it’s never that way with you. I know it’s not the same. Grace: You don’t know how I feel, clearly, because none of that is true. It’s not that I -- it’s different for me. You’re a guy, you don’t get the pressure -- Kenneth: [ with a bark of a laugh ] Believe me, I know plenty about pressure. Pressure is my whole fucking life. You know that. Grace: It’s not the same. You keep jumping topics -- Kenneth: But I get it. I already know I’m lucky to be with you, that you chose me -- fact is, I wouldn’t want to have sex with me either. I wouldn’t want anything to do with me. It’s about time you figured that out.
Grace hates when he gets like this, when he talks about himself this way. Parroting the things his father tells him, grinding his own self-worth into the dirt. It’s worse than the cold silence, because it hurts her too. It hurts to hear him speak so poorly of the person she loves so much.
Grace: Ken, stop. That’s not true. Kenneth: I’m not good enough for you. We both always knew it. It was just a matter of time. [ cracking ] I’m not good enough for anything, so it’s fitting. I’m a failure, and a waste of space, and can’t do anything right. I’m destined to be that way forever. So just… quit while you’re ahead, all right? Go give it to someone who deserves it. Grace: Kenneth --
She closes the distance between them and touches his arm, turning him to face her. At first, he reacts without thinking, smacking her hand away. But she doesn’t shy away, having gotten used to his thoughtless physical movements -- a side effect of defensive play, she figures -- and pushes past it.
She takes his face in her hands and pulls him into a kiss, allowing that to say what words apparently can’t. Speaking a language he can understand.
It works. He kisses her back instinctively, automatically, as hungrily as he claims being around her makes him feel. Once they break apart, Grace continues to hold him close, waiting for him to meet her eyes.
Grace: You are not a failure. You are not a waste of space. Kenneth: But -- Grace: No. You’re not. You’re good. You are good enough. For everything, but especially for me.
She gives him another kiss, which he eagerly accepts. This one deeper, heavier, than the last. When they manage to pull apart again, Grace holds his gaze… then lowers her hands to start unzipping his jeans.
Kenneth: Grace… Grace: You are good enough. You deserve this. You deserve me. [ with a shaky exhale ] Let me show you how much.
He’s right, after all -- she does want him, even if she’s better trained at hiding it for the sake of Southern decorum. If she’s waiting for the right time, or whatever, what better moment is there than now? When she can make it mean something -- when it can prove just how much she loves him?
If it’ll make him happy, if it’ll fix his broken edges, she’ll do it. 
Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Giving Him Something He Can Feel” as performed by En Vogue || Performed by Yindra Amino, Tabitha Flores, Ronica Lewis, Madisyn May, Kimmy Price, and Aleena Sayyid
She doesn’t have to ask twice, considering it’s been what Kenneth has been begging for. He doesn’t hesitate once she signals the willingness, pulling her into another loaded kiss. He nudges her back onto his bed and climbs on top of her, letting her remove his t-shirt.
Grace closes her eyes as he starts to kiss down her neck, losing herself in the moment. Convincing herself it’s right, that it’s what they need -- because it’s love.
As the girl-group harmonies of En Vogue float in… transitioning to a newer mix of voices…
INT. JUPITER RECORDS - RECORDING STUDIO - DAY
The major nineties hit serves as the mixing base for the final girl-group tests, the producers and label executives combining different varieties of the remaining six girls to seek that perfect bombshell combination of five. They isolate certain voices, test their ranges, and pull them in and out of the formation to have them listen to the others -- dreading that they’ll be the one who doesn’t fit.
It’s also a chance to pit them against one another, as they have certain girls sing the same parts nearly back to back. Yindra is highly aware of this as the process unfolds, after the way she’s already been set up against Aleena -- the latter of whom won’t even look at Yindra as the exercise goes on.
She especially feels this with Ronica, who is asked to sing basically every single line that Yindra is, sometimes one right after the other. She’s always known they were the closest direct competition for one another, given their vocal qualities and strength, only now it is being rubbed directly in their faces. At one point, they both record riffs at the same time, looking one another dead in the eye as they sing.
Feeling the pressure, Yindra doesn’t back down. She takes her riff solo to absolutely eviscerate Ronica’s more measured stylizations, belting her heart out and showing off her range. It might even be too much, objectively speaking, but Yindra is desperate. She’ll do whatever it takes to leave her mark -- even if it means humiliating her competition in front of everyone else.
For now, it seems to have the desired effect. The producers seem impressed after their riff-off, and Ronica looks a bit perturbed… as well as sheepish for being outshone. The other girls are clearly abuzz about it as well, whispering to one another. Yindra beams as she’s moved to a different part of the formation, accepting a nod of approval from Tabitha for her good showing.
But once the moment passes, the fierce bite of competition ebbing, Yindra feels weirder about it. She glances at Ronica, then looks away in embarrassment of her own.
INT. TURNER ACADEMY - THEATER - DAY
Meanwhile, Zay is in the midst of trying to decide what to do for his talent slot at the transfer gala, pacing the stage. He’s dressed for rehearsal, but it doesn’t seem like he’s done much actual dancing. He’s more so just brainstorming, thinking out loud, occasionally doing a light spin for no reason in particular because when he moves his body is just made to dance.
Zay: I could throw together another whole routine. Or maybe even just do my audition performance again -- I wonder how many times someone has done that -- but to be honest, I don’t really wanna bare my soul out there like that in front of everyone. Not that I couldn’t do it, but once was enough for a semester. Not to mention if I did do that, and then I didn’t get announced as a finalist, that would be enough humiliation to last a lifetime I think.
As it turns out, he’s not just talking into the ether. Charlie is there with him, standing down by the lip of the stage rather than on it. He’s supposed to be helping Zay come up with an idea, seeing as he respects his tastes (mostly) and he’ll be there to see him pull it off anyway.
Only Charlie isn’t doing a great job of that. Even though he’s usually a good listener, he’s zoned out this afternoon, mind elsewhere while Zay rambles on stage.
Zay: If I’m being frank, I think I’m just going to forgo dance all together at this point. Like, all of us know why we’re there. We’ve watched each other dance all year. It’s redundant. You’d hope that most of them would realize I’m already leagues better than they’ll ever be, so I don’t think I need to like rub salt in that wound. But what to do otherwise, well…
Zay trails off when he turns to face the front, catching a better look at Charlie. Noticing he’s uncharacteristically tuned out; eyeing the melancholy expression he’s let slip back onto his face. Although he was able to come off neutral enough when they ran into each other at Chubbies, spending more time together makes the cracks in his facade more obvious. Like by spending even a few more minutes in his company, Zay is holding him up to the light, able to assess all of his less-than-perfect features.
Chubbies didn’t seem like the right place to ask. It wasn’t the right time. But now it’s just the two of them, and Zay has a valid reason to nudge… it feels weird to think about, to contemplate peeling back the lid of the Pandora’s Box between them when they’ve spent so long at an emotional distance…
But it’s Charlie. It’s Charlie, and Zay knows that if he saw him with a similar expression, he’d ask him about it in a heartbeat.
And if there’s anything he can do, for whatever it is, he wants to do it. So Zay clears his throat, starting to saunter back towards the edge of the stage.
Zay: You know --
Charlie jumps slightly, pulled out of his thoughts by the more direct address. He looks up at Zay and quickly plasters on a smile, as if he wasn’t just a million miles away in his own head.
Zay: I know it’s been a while, but I would still consider myself a pretty decent study in the field of Charlie Gardner. And as someone who knows you’re usually a very eager and engaged collaborator, I can’t help but notice you’re a bit… out of sorts.
Charlie shrugs, still maintaining the practiced smile. So convincing.
Charlie: What do you mean? Zay: Dude, you’re like a thousand miles away. Metaphorically, that is. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have that than you literally that far away, in like France or whatever, but the distance is still felt. Charlie: I don’t… I don’t know what you mean. I’m all good. What were you thinking about for your performance, again? Zay: Ah, classic Chuckles maneuver -- innocent diversion. Which it’s nice that you want to pretend to care about this, but if it were genuine, you would’ve been paying attention like two minutes ago.
Damn… it really is something to be known so well. Charlie scoffs, trying to shrug off the commentary, but it’s pretty difficult when he has him so pegged. Years of friendship don’t just evaporate.
Zay raises his hands in surrender.
Zay: I’m not saying that you have to talk about it -- if there’s anything to talk about. If you’re telling the truth, and there isn’t, okay, no biggie. What I am saying is that if there’s something going on, I’m down to hear about it.
He arrives at the front of the stage, plopping down into a sitting position on the edge and letting his legs dangle. He’s much closer to Charlie this way, only a couple of inches taller and much more effective at looking him in the eyes. Charlie tries to hold his gaze, to prove he’s fine…
But then Zay tilts his head, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, and he cracks. He laughs quietly in spite of himself at first, looking away and pretending the flush in his cheeks isn’t there. Zay cracks a light smile, but doesn’t rush him, patiently waiting for if he decides to share.
So… after a moment, Charlie sighs, nodding in defeat.
Charlie: It’s… you know that thing I was doing the night of your audition? Why I left early? [ off his nod ] Well… um -- that “plan” was telling my mom.
He doesn’t have to say what. All levity from moments before is gone in an instant. Zay grows serious, jaw dropping open.
Zay: Holy shit. No way. Charlie, bleakly: Way. So… that happened. [ with a sheepish laugh ] And you know how I said that it went fine? I lied. It… did not go great.
Charlie laughs again, mostly because if he doesn’t he thinks he might choke on it. Saying it out loud makes it sting more, somehow, like acknowledging it makes it more real.
Zay understands. Because he knows how big a deal this is, how much importance this moment held in Charlie’s mind. He honestly wasn’t sure it would ever happen. Now that it has, and apparently did not go well -- not that he’s surprised, as he’s always had zero faith in Eleanor and her capacity for compassion…
No wonder he’s so subdued. Zay hops down from the stage so they’re at the same height, looking at him with an empathetic frown.
Zay: Shit, Charlie.
Charlie nods, keeping his eyes on his shoes. Mainly to hide the way his face is twisting up, how much he’s working to keep it together. As if Zay can’t tell anyway.
Zay wants to make it better. He wishes he could do something, find some way to make Eleanor’s judgment or the sting of her cruelty hold less power. He wishes he could carry it himself, so that it wouldn’t have to weigh Charlie down any more than it already has for years, even when it was just a threat rather than a reality. Especially now, when he’s been riding such a high, with a newfound confidence and shine that has been impossible to ignore since he got back.
Zay wants to touch him. To comfort him the way he used to, hold him close and share his warmth and give him something to lean on. Being there for him in a way that feels almost dangerously natural, even more so now given that he’s no longer hiding from his own complicated feelings. He nearly does, his hand instinctively reaching out to close the distance between them.
But he can’t. This isn’t about him, or what he wants. It would be selfish, and probably unwise, to bridge that gap when Charlie is so vulnerable. Even if he could just pass it off as friendship, as platonic camaraderie, he’d know damn well in his heart that wasn’t the case.
So Zay stops short, letting his hand come to rest on the stage between them instead.
He still wants to help, though, in whatever minor way he possibly can. He searches for an alternative.
Zay: Look, man. We don’t have to do this right now. My whole stupid -- let’s just forget about it. We can go do whatever, something you wanna do. It’s chill.
Charlie lifts his head to meet his eyes. Despite the thickness to his voice and the gloss in his eyes, when he responds, a bit of fond amusement bleeds through.
Charlie: You seriously think that you blowing off an important opportunity is going to make me feel better?
His number one fan? Be so serious. Zay shrugs, offering no good explanation, but he doesn’t know what else to say. He’s all out of things to give, and he really would give anything to make this hurt less. It’s all he has, and if Charlie needed it, he would let him have it. Easy.
But no. That won’t be necessary. Charlie scoffs out another weak laugh and shakes his head, swiping at his eyes quickly as he pulls himself back together.
Charlie: It’s okay. I’m okay, really. Is it ideal, no, but it is what it is.
It hurts, but it won’t shatter him. He’s not as fragile as he was just a few years ago. He exhales a deep breath, Zay watching him sympathetically.
Zay: I mean it, though. I know you were nice enough to accept my invitation, but you really do not have to go through with this shit just for me if you’re not up for it. I get it. Charlie: No. No, I want to come. And it’s good. The distraction is nice, honestly. I think I just didn’t -- it was harder when you didn’t know, because I didn’t want to like, burden you with it -- Zay: It’s not. A burden. You know you can always talk to me about stuff. Especially this. Charlie: … yeah. Yeah, I know. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. I just didn’t want to like, make a big deal or anything when you’ve got all this important stuff to work on. But now that you do know, I think… I’ll be able to focus better. Won’t feel as weird, hiding this big thing from you.
Speaking of, they should get back into it. Charlie shakes his arms to shake off the heaviness and suggests they start from scratch, pushing himself up onto the stage. Before he can go too far, Zay reaches out after him and takes his forearm, instantly getting his attention.
Zay: Again, just so we’re clear. If you need to talk about it, I’m here.
Charlie absorbs that -- the sincere declaration, and the warmth of his fingers on his skin. Then he nods, offering a smile that feels lighter than the forced ones from before.
INT. CHARLIE’S APARTMENT - LUCAS’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Dylan and Asher are helping Lucas put together his outfit for the funeral tomorrow, assessing his nicest clothing spread out on his bed. It’s just a big wash of grey and black, so they’re off to a strong start.
Asher: This might actually be easier than I thought.
Riley comes to join them, asking if Grace and Jack were able to negotiate with the funeral home to land on a good schedule. Lucas claims they texted him the schedule, passing his phone to Dylan so they can take a look for themselves.
Whatever Riley sees, it’s not good news. She frowns.
Riley: Shit. Asher: What? Riley: The start time -- it’s like right before I go on for the matinee. I was hoping to at least make part of it --
She wanted to be there the whole time. For all of them. She’s evidently distressed about this news, but Lucas doesn’t seem concerned.
Dylan: It’s no big deal, Riley. The whole thing is last-minute anyway, it’s not like you’d be expected to change plans. Asher: Least of all for Kenneth. Riley: I know, but -- Lucas: Riley, it’s fine. Seriously. You don’t need to be there -- fuck, I wouldn’t be there if I could get away with it.
His reassurances are genuine, but they don’t make Riley feel any better. She bites back her emotion and lets them go back to discussing proper funeral attire.
INT. GLOBAL BEAT - OFFICES - DAY
As the work day is winding down, Josh returns to his desk from the coffee dispenser just as JUSTIN MILLER and Melissa are wrapping up their last meeting of the day. They exit Justin’s office with another YOUNG STARLET (18) in tow, bright-eyed and gorgeous.
In fact, she could be a near dead-ringer for Maya. Josh has to do a double-take, thinking for a second she’s returned, but this girl is just like a carbon copy. As they walk her to the elevator, Justin takes care to introduce her to Josh.
Justin: Oh, Joshie, check this out -- meet Lindsay, our next great find. Josh: Hi, I’m Josh. Young Starlet: Nice to meet you.
They shake hands, Josh polite as always.
Melissa: Josh is the one who keeps the ship running around here. We owe him everything. Justin: No kidding. You’ll learn that quick, friend. And Josh, meet the next big thing. I’m telling you.
He pats Lindsay’s shoulders bracingly, just like he used to with Maya. Almost as if she’s a has-been, or never was, and they’re onto searching for the next instant hit-maker.
Josh says nothing as they walk away and continue chatting, but the resemblance feels striking and he can’t shake the weirdness of it. He’s never paid much attention to the kind of clients Justin and Melissa rope in before, but if he thinks about it, they do seem to have an eye for young, attractive bombshells.
Even so, none of them were Maya Hart. None of them had the talent, or the spark, that she so obviously brought to the table. So it feels even more bizarre that they’re scouting out new talent already, and acting as though her pause is just par for the course.
Like they’re wasting it. Yet again. Once he’s confirmed they’re out of sight, Josh sits back down at his desk and pulls out his phone, pulling up the email he’s had drafted for days. All of his notes on the songs in Maya’s portfolio, locked and loaded and ready to send her way.
He knows she ignored his voicemail. He knows she’s probably over him, working hard on her own stuff, and he should take the hint. But this industry is built on bold moves, and it’s killing him to sit on it and the sense that something isn’t quite right…
Jade, pre-lap: Are you actually seeing this right now?
INT. YINDRA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
JADE BEAMON and Yindra are on a video call with Nigel, the three of them poring over the list of nicknames the label has sent Yindra for if she decides to be the one to take the name swap. Based on their reactions, it’s not a promising start.
Jade: “Drea.” That’s not even part of your name. Nigel: Yindrea? Jade: “Yi Yi.” Nigel: Sounds like Ariana Grande record scratching. Yindra: That’s “yuh,” Nige. Jade: More like sounds Kanye adjacent, which is a big no. Nigel: “Yincé.” Is that just Beyoncé lite?
Case in point, Yindra’s name is simply not built for cutesy nicknames. She paces the room and rubs her temples, trying to block them from her memory.
Jade: “Yinnie.” Nigel: That’s kind of cute. Jade: Yeah, if you’re Yinnie Youse and you work at Yisneyland. Yindra: The bad nicknames are not the issue. Nigel: I’d say they’re part of the issue. Jade: A decent 20%, at least. Yindra: Okay, yes, they’re terrible. But that’s not the point. The nicknames are irrelevant. It’s the principle that I can’t stand.
She resents being encouraged to change who she is -- let alone on the premise that her name isn’t Euro-centric enough to pass. Never has she once cared about that, and she isn’t about to start now.
Yindra: One of the reasons I wanted to go into this industry was to be what I wanted to see. I know how important Destiny’s Child was for me, seeing talented women who looked and sounded like me. If I change those things about me, the things that apparently others deem unconventional… then what am I even doing? What career am I building?
If she’s going to get her start, she wants to be her when she does it. Others may be fine bending to get their break, but that’s not who she is. She can’t stomach it.
Nigel: I hear you. I think you’re right. Jade: Me too. So maybe you just need to tell this other girl that and stand your ground.
Yindra doesn’t seem comfortable with that either. She already feels like an asshole for how she behaved during the last vocal session, even if it objectively worked in her favor. It’s dumb, but this whole thing feels like a trap -- like she’s going to be marking herself as a problem either way.
Yindra: I care about this, but I also don’t want to be the girl starting fights and getting on people’s bad sides before the group is even formed. I don’t want to make that reputation for myself. And the thing is, I like Aleena. She seems chill. I don’t want to make an enemy where I could desperately use an ally.
So the solution is… who knows. She doesn’t know. She knows what she wants, but she isn’t necessarily brave enough yet to assert it -- and she’s dreading the moment Aleena beats her to it and backs her into a corner she’ll have to battle her way out of. And it sucks to be assuming the worst in people, because so far in this industry, she hasn’t been shown she can bet otherwise.
Even so, as challenging as this all is, it’s easier than some of the stuff going on in New York right now. Yindra changes the subject, asking Nigel how things are going for him. Based on how he grows reticent and dodges the question, it’s obvious he hasn’t told either of them about what’s going on with his family -- or his pie-in-the-sky ambition to transfer either.
Thankfully, he has a convenient topic to redirect to that’s far more pressing.
Nigel: Could be worse. Believe me, I know this shit isn’t fun, Yindra, but there are much worse emotional places you could be right now.
INT. FUNERAL HOME - ENTRANCE HALL - DAY
But not everyone is so fortunate. The day of the funeral has arrived, Grace dutifully standing vigil at the door to greet guests as they enter. ERIC MATTHEWS is present as well, taking on the task of helping to hand out programs for the service.
If Grace is feeling mixed emotions about the whole thing, she does a great job of concealing it, passing for grieving but gracious widow with practiced precision.
INT. FUNERAL HOME - BACK HALLWAY - DAY
For as well as she’s doing, Lucas is the opposite. He’s dressed for the part, but the more guests and former friends of Kenneth arrive and file in for the service, the less steady he becomes. He tried to stay cool, to use his typical aloof approach, but it’s failing him. He’s breaking into a cold sweat, and his hands are starting to shake even as he balls them into fists. Guests keep trying to get a glimpse of him around the corner as they shuffle into the main parlor.
Kenneth isn’t there, but it’s also like he’s all around them. All these people here, so mournful and fondly memorializing the man who made his life a living hell.
That, and he’s never been good at being in the spotlight. It’s like he’s suddenly a kid again, the anxiety and stress of the moment hitting him like a ton of bricks just as Grace steps in to check if he’s feeling ready to go into the service.
Lucas, hastily: I’m gonna be sick.
He darts away from the group and stumbles down the hall towards the bathroom. Asher rushes after him without a second thought, Dylan not far behind. But he does double back to offer reassurance to Grace.
Dylan: We’ll take care of it. Don’t worry. He’ll be okay.
Even as he says it, he doesn’t sound convinced of it himself. Grace manages a nod, concern in her features, but she isn’t sure what else there is to do. The show must go on, whether they like it or not.
Isa has other ideas. They watch this whole scene unfold, and they know Dylan and Asher aren’t going to be able to cure him. Not this kind of grief; not this level of trauma. It’s going to take a force of nature, one of the only things they’ve ever known that can ground Lucas James Friar.
Ducking around the corner, Isa pulls out their phone.
INT. NYU - DRESSING ROOM - DAY
Riley is just finishing up her make-up for Ghost, looking pretty but begrudging as she does the final touches. She’s going through the motions, but today of all days, her heart is just not in it.
So when her phone buzzes with a text on the countertop, it feels like a message from more than just Isa.
“Funeral about to start, Lucas NOT doing well”
“I know ur about to go on, and this might not mean shit, but if I can pull an SOS on his behalf this is going to be the time”
Honestly, hearing it from them is about as crystal clear as it could be. Lucas would never ask Riley to put him first, or tell him how bad it really is when she has something else going on. He wouldn’t do that to her, but Isa can. Isa has no reason to lie, in either direction, and they know Lucas almost as well as Riley.
If they’re sounding the call, then they mean it. Lucas needs her. If there’s any time where he deserves to be put first, this may very well be it.
And Riley knew that. She’s known that the whole time, has felt it in her gut and been dragging her feet along doing what’s expected of her instead this entire time. She knows how important this is, how hard this whole thing is for Lucas, and wants nothing more than to be there with him to survive it. Despite her “professional” obligations, that was never a question for her.
So as she looks at her reflection in the mirror, dolled up for a show and just a step away from being in costume and launching into another rote performance, all she can think is one thing.
What the hell is she doing there?
And just like that, she makes her decision. Riley takes action, removing her mic pack and starting to gather her things. The other girls in the production notice her shift in behavior, none more so than Imogen, who stares at her.
Imogen: Um, what do you think you’re doing? You’re going to be called for places in like two minutes. Riley: Nope, I’m not. You said you studied your lines, right? Well, congratulations, you get the chance to prove it.
Riley marches over and hands her the mic pack.
Riley: You’re on, understudy. Break a leg.
Imogen is so stunned, she for once doesn’t have a pithy remark ready to go. Riley doesn’t wait for one, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. By the time she makes it to the door, one of the other girls manages to speak up.
Cast Member: Where are you going? Riley: I can’t be here. I have to go. [ assertive ] Family emergency.
And she isn’t going to wait for permission. She leaves the ladies in shocked silence, Imogen only rallying when she realizes she is literally going to be onstage leading the show in mere minutes.
INT. NYU - BACKSTAGE HALLWAY - DAY
Riley runs into Evan as he’s on his way to the wings, the two of them twirling around one another. It only takes a second to see that Evan is all dressed for curtain, and Riley is very clearly not.
Evan: Whoa, whoa, where are you going? Stage is that way. [ looking her over ] And aren’t you forgetting something? Riley: I’m not going on. I have to go. Evan: Wait, what? Riley: Don’t worry, Imogen is already getting ready. She’ll be great. And if Hill has questions or blows a gasket, please tell her I’m sorry. I’ll touch base with her tomorrow and explain everything. But I can’t be here right now. Evan, bewildered: But -- Riley: I have to go. Lucas needs me.
That’s all she says. It’s all she has time for. She starts to jog away without further explanation, only pausing when Evan calls after her in disbelief.
Evan: Riley -- ! Riley: I’m sorry, Evan. You’ll be amazing, though, like always. I know it. Break a leg.
She offers him a sincere smile, then dashes down the hall and out of sight. No hesitation to leave him, and their entire production, behind. Evan stares after her, totally dumbstruck.
He’s only pulled out of it when a stagehand pokes their head through the doors, claiming they’re getting into places. With that, the show must go on… but he does look back over his shoulder as he pushes through the doors, still processing that Riley is throwing everything aside like that.
Just because of Lucas.
Rachel, pre-lap: I’m only saying all of this because I care about you. I wouldn’t if I didn’t think it was necessary.
INT. GRACE’S BEDROOM - FLASHBACK - NIGHT
Rachel is over at Grace’s, the two of them hanging out in her room. But “hanging out” feels too casual, because based on their posture this evening, they’re not having an easy-breezy conversation. Grace is definitely on defense, Kenneth’s oversized letterman jacket around her shoulders and arms crossed tightly over her chest as Rachel makes her case.
Rachel: But this is getting… I mean, Gracie, this is nuts. Grace: I don’t know what you mean. Rachel: Come on. Since when do you give one solitary shit about Texas A&M? Grace: It’s a great school. There’s no reason not to go there. Rachel: Lots of schools are great schools. But what I know is that until summer, when Kenneth enrolled there, you had never once mentioned it. But now that he’s spent a semester there and is on football scholarship, you suddenly have it as your top choice?
Grace huffs, shuffling uncomfortably.
Rachel: What happened to California? You were talking non-stop about that creative writing program at Berkeley. Hell, I helped you edit your portfolio. You spent so much time on it, and it was fucking good. What happened to all that? Grace: I decided to be realistic. We know I’m not going to get in there. Rachel: No, we do not. Who says? Grace: My parents will be happier with this anyway. Me not going so far away. And I won’t have to leave the horses -- Rachel: Oh my God, Grace, please be serious. You know it’s not about any of that. You know this is about Kenneth, and your codependent as hell relationship. He wants you to stay here with him. Grace: That’s not true.
Only her delivery is far from convincing. So she tries to deflect instead, bristling.
Grace: Is this the only reason you wanted to come over tonight? To grill me from some random high horse you just suddenly adopted? Rather than, I don’t know, hanging out since we haven’t gotten to spend much time together in like, weeks? Rachel: No kidding! You tell me! How do you think it felt to have our English teacher ask me about your college plans, kindly informing me of your apparent decision to go for A&M, when you’re supposed to be my best friend? And gee, I wonder why we haven’t hung out in ages -- maybe because every single millisecond of your free time is spent at A&M glommed onto your bland, cocky boyfriend? Grace: I can’t believe you’re saying all of this to me! As if you weren’t the one who set us up in the first place! As if you didn’t encourage and encourage me to get out there, to give Ken a chance -- Rachel: I just wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to experience things, to get out of your shell. I didn’t expect him to want to date you. Grace: … wow. Okay. Rachel: And then when he did, I thought, okay. Great. This’ll be great for you, a confidence booster. A chance to prove hey, you are so much more than you let yourself believe. And for a while, it was. For a while, I was all for it. But if I had known you two would become inseparable and this borderline toxic, follow-your-man fifties bullshit, I never would’ve done it. Biggest mistake of my life, for real! Grace: Well, sorry to disappoint you. Sorry that I fell in love. Sorry that a boy dared to love me back, and have it mean something. Rachel: [ with an eye roll ] Oh, puh-lease… Grace: Sorry that I’m not also a fucking slut who can’t see any man as longer than a one-time plaything!
Woof. Grace wanted the focus off of her, and she took whatever weapon she had at her disposal -- with massive impact. Rachel blinks, taking the hit hard, staring at her best friend like she doesn’t even recognize her.
Suppose practically swimming in the embrace of Kenneth’s jacket, whoever she knows and loves is hidden away.
But like hell is Rachel going to let her hurt show. She scoffs and blinks back the tears, steeling her expression and holding Grace’s glare.
Rachel: You know, I thought we had it all figured out. I thought you and I were gonna get out of this state, and we were gonna be something. Whatever you wanna call it, I thought we were one in the same. Kindred spirits, or whatever. [ looking her over ] Obviously, I was wrong.
Grace wants to cry, overwhelmed and defensive and terrified of the doubt creeping up her spine at Rachel’s words. She doesn’t understand; she just doesn’t get it. She doesn’t know Kenneth -- not the way she does.
And if she can’t see that, then suppose she doesn’t really know her either.
Grace: Yeah. I guess you were.
Terrific. A tear slips down Rachel’s cheeks, but she doesn’t bother to swipe it away. She isn’t going to give it that much power. Instead, she grits her teeth, making sure to look Grace dead in the eye as she walks away.
Rachel: Good luck, letting Kenneth determine the rest of your life. Hope all that love is worth it. Have a fucking blast at A&M playing shadow.
She whips around and storms out of her room, slamming the door behind her. Grace jumps at the sound, which feels even louder in the empty room she left behind… she wraps herself tighter in the letterman jacket, burrowing deeper into whatever comfort she can glean from it.
Digging into the belief that she’s making the right choice.
INT. L.A. APARTMENT - MAYA’S BEDROOM - DAY
Back in the present, Maya is seeking a similar sense of comfort. She’s bundled up in her comforter, using her laptop to look through old videos of her performing. As far back as when she was a kid, less refined yet just as full of bravado and volume, but even as recent as her years at Adams.
She seems so enthusiastic in all of them, filled with the joy of performing regardless of what other bullshit was going on in the meantime. Fairweather friends, abandoning fathers, near-miss suicides -- none of that can touch her when she’s allowed to sing, when she gets to put on a show. When she’s in performer mode, she’s invincible.
It was only a year ago that she was there, but it feels like a lifetime. That easy confidence and instant joy feels so foreign, like her memory has been wiped and she doesn’t know how to access it. It’s been on shaky ground since she came to L.A., and she’s been trading bits of it away in pursuit of whatever it was that was supposed to matter more than anything.
And then in one night, Justin took it all like it was nothing. Just another day in the business.
Maya’s cheeks are flushed, her eyes taking on that uncomfortable teary feeling again. She grits her teeth and shuts her laptop, cutting off her younger self unceremoniously. She climbs out of her blanket cocoon, suddenly feeling suffocated.
As the sultry, melancholic synths ease in…
EXT. LOS ANGELES STREETS - DAY
Song Cue ♫ ♪ “In L.A.” as performed by Fame - The Musical Original Off-Broadway Cast || Performed by Maya Hart
Fittingly, as the certified A class Carmen Diaz, Maya finds herself singing her devastating second-act soliloquy as she wanders the sunlit streets of Los Angeles in a desperate search for fresh air to breathe. Much like the original rendition, Maya has discovered the promises and allure of fame and Hollywood aren’t all that they seemed, even for someone as savvy and strategic as her. 
She starts off quiet, unsure, almost like a murmur and distinctly un-Maya. A reflection of how out of sorts she feels, how out of control things are and how removed she feels from her voice.
EXT. ECHO PARK LAKE - DAY
After the first chorus, we arrive in Echo Park for the second verse. Maya walks the pathway around the iconic lake with her head down and arms crossed, on defense even though the joggers, college kids, and dogwalkers are hardly a threat.
After the booze and the coke, the visions of the blue Pacific After the two-hundredth time I told him he was “just terrific”
She makes her way down to the lake, looking into the murky water. Her reflection stares back at her, feeling unfamiliar, just as she starts to recount the things about being here that have left the strongest scars.
I woke up one late afternoon and couldn’t tell quite where I was Leftover taste in my mouth and with a morning after buzz
As she continues, getting deeper into the memories she’s been working for weeks to repress, her voice grows gradually in volume but also frenzy. While her vocals are emotive, they lack their usual discipline. These lines aren’t coming from a well-trained star performer -- they’re slipping out from the scared girl underneath, the one who has rarely needed to sing.
EXT. LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
Maya continues her walk, passing by a local high school. She’s basically invisible to the students here, lost in their own worlds, so she has to dodge to avoid being knocked into by a crowd of enthusiastic pals just getting out for the school day.
She looks over her shoulder after them, eyes welling up.
You try to stop the thought from coming but it never ends You think about how far you are from home and friends
She keeps walking, the lyrics becoming more strained as they fight to get out of her -- until she stops still at the end of the block, staring up at a towering advertisement plastered onto the side of one of the office buildings like a billboard.
One of her. One of the last ones she approved with Melissa and Justin before “Haute Stuff” dropped, the single that was never hers to begin with. Where she’s looking perfectly plastic, hot as hell but devoid of substance, the perfect bubblegum pop Barbie doll just begging to be played with.
Maya’s face is full of disgust, an almost visceral revulsion.
Don’t look in the mirror to see what you’ve become!
EXT. LOS ANGELES STREETS - DAY
The despair can’t be contained anymore. It practically bleeds out of Maya as she barrels through the remainder of the performance. It’s still unpolished, and raw, and far from her usual level of excellence, but God is it powerful. It’s spilling out of the deepest corners of her soul -- the loss of her ambition, her dreams, her sense of security. Her sense of self.
So smile when they say it’s only a dream And you’ll get what is coming to you
All swept away by the glitz of L.A., where all your dreams come true.
Maya finishes belting out the last blockbuster set of lines…
EXT. LARCHMONT - DAY
Then dwindles into the final lyric as she arrives back outside her building. But she can’t bring herself to go back inside -- there doesn’t feel like a need to. It’s not home. This place can’t be home anymore.
Instead, she leans back against the brick and slides down into a sitting position. As the music peters out, she wraps her arms around her knees and tucks her head against them, smaller than she’s ever been.
INT. SVORSKI’S COFFEE - DAY
Nigel steps into the coffee shop, surprised when he finds Vanessa waiting by the counter. They exchange awkward smiles, the former questioning what she’s doing there. He doesn’t think of her as a regular here.
Vanessa: Definitely not. But most of my usuals are over by Turner, and right now…
She’s kind of avoiding the place as long as she can hack it until this stupid gala thing is over. One more night! Unfortunately, that means higher risk of running into Zay, but she’ll take that chance.
Nigel: Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, by the way. Vanessa: So Zay’s telling everyone? Nigel: Actually, not really. He told Riley, and she told Lucas because she tells him everything even though he doesn’t care and probably won’t remember seventy percent of it. But I think Asher was there when she did, which meant it took less than twenty-four hours for Dylan to know, and at that point it becomes kind of impossible to track the thread within our group. Jade told me, for the record, not that it matters. Vanessa: Cool. That’s just swell. Nigel: If it helps, though, I don’t think anyone like… feels any type of way about it. Other than sorry it didn’t work out. As in, we love Zay, but we like you too. It’s just a bummer for everyone.
That is nice to hear, honestly. Part of the biggest anxiety Vanessa was nursing about the whole thing was the loss of the friendships she was starting to make beyond Zay -- which maybe says something in it of itself. She shrugs.
Vanessa: No need to take sides, really. Wasn’t exactly anyone’s fault. It just… didn’t work. Like you said.
But whatever. She’d rather talk about anything else. She changes the subject.
Vanessa: How did talking to your parents about London go? Did you tell them?
Speaking of things we’d rather not talk about… based on how Nigel’s expression dims, and he hesitates, the answer is obviously “not well.” And since Vanessa is one of the only people who knew Nigel was considering it, it seems clear that he hasn’t had the chance to really unpack it with anyone.
After a beat, Vanessa holds up a hand.
Vanessa: First things first. You need coffee.
INT. FUNERAL HOME - BATHROOM - DAY
Asher has talked Lucas back from the ledge, at least enough that he’s no longer crouched in front of the toilet in case he vomits. Lucas splashes cold water on his face while Asher hands him a paper towel.
Asher: Okay? Lucas: Better. [ a lie, but whatever ] I’m sorry. I don’t know -- I’m being so fucking stupid -- Asher: Lucas, it’s fine. Totally understandable. But you’re gonna be fine, too.
Lucas does not look convinced, and still looks a bit ill, but he doesn’t have much of a choice but to pull it together. He just has to get through the next few hours.
Once he’s dabbed his face dry, Asher leads him through one more calming breath. If he has to hold it all afternoon long to survive, so be it.
INT. FUNERAL HOME - BACK HALLWAY - DAY
Dylan is doing his best to reassure Grace that Lucas will be fine, but it’s not going well.
Grace: He didn’t want to do this. I only felt like we should -- if he can’t, then he shouldn’t -- Dylan: He’s going to do his best. He doesn’t want you to do this alone. And we’ll do everything we can to help.
But what if it’s not enough? Grace struggles to express just that, uncertainly stumbling over her words -- like mother, like son -- but Dylan’s outlook brightens significantly moments later when he spots something behind Grace over her shoulder.
Dylan: I think our odds just got a lot better.
Grace turns to look, following his line of sight.
Riley. She made it, just a few steps behind Isa as they lead her back into the hallway where they’ve been taking shelter. She’s changed out of her pre-show clothes and into an elegant semi-formal black dress, while her stage make-up and hair did her the favor of looking polished.
She outpaces Isa once she spots Lucas, finally emerging from the bathroom with Asher. She breezes past Dylan and Grace and rushes to meet him, colliding with him in the middle of the hall. Lucas is genuinely shocked to see her, like he can’t believe his eyes -- but the relief in his voice is palpable.
Lucas: [ voice cracking ] Riley? Riley: Yeah. Yeah, I’m here.
Her touch proves it, the two of them gripping each other’s arms to stay steady. Lucas shakes his head, even more out of breath than before.
Lucas: What -- what are you doing here? Your show -- Riley: Shh, it’s fine. Everything’s handled. You worked in show business long enough, surely you remember what understudies are for? Trust me, mine is thrilled.
Lucas is so overwhelmed, he doesn’t have it in him to argue. And selfishly, the solace of her presence is so immediate, so soothing, he wouldn’t let it go for anything right now. He lets Riley take his shaky hands, squeezing them tightly.
Riley: I’m exactly where I need to be. Now we just have to get through this. Which you will. Lucas: Okay. Yeah, okay. Riley: Just a couple hours. You’ve faced way harder things before. And I’m right here. I’m with you.
There’s nowhere else she’d rather be. Lucas nods, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against hers. Finding the grounding comfort of being close to her just for a moment, before they have to face it for real.
Honestly, Riley’s surprise appearance is a relief to just about everyone. Grace exhales a breath, while Isa smiles to themselves at the fast impact Riley has on Lucas.
Dylan approaches and pats Riley on the shoulders, both as a welcome and a subtle nudge that it’s time to go. The service is about to start. When Lucas steps back from her, he meets Dylan’s eyes, who raises his eyebrows at him.
Ready?
Lucas takes a deep breath, still shaky but holding it together. He looks to Riley again, who gives him a warm smile. He intertwines their hands and grips it like an anchor, then gives Dylan a nod.
Grace leads the way back to the entrance hall, Isa following behind. Then Lucas and Riley, taking the march one step at a time; Dylan and Asher bring up the rear, the former throwing his arm around the latter and hugging him close.
INT. GLOBAL BEAT - OFFICES - DAY
Another quiet morning at the office. No sign of Justin or Melissa, but that’s not out of the ordinary. It’s just Josh, the other assistants typing away, and his thoughts.
Still no Maya. At this point, he wonders if she’s ever going to come back. Did he make it weird with his voicemail, and now she’s avoiding him? Did he overstep? Or worse, is she having doubts? Given the direction Melissa and Justin are taking her, putting her in a plastic shoebox of bland pop, he can’t say he’d blame her if she was.
So maybe it’s worth it to speak his truth. At least give her the ammunition to take her work further, the stuff that’s already good, even if he doesn’t get his name on the credits. Not like it would be the first time…
But if it helps her do more of her own stuff, showing her true range, then that’s worth it. That’s a legacy he’d want his fingerprints on, invisible as they may or may not be. Maybe she just needs a little bit of feedback or encouragement, since Justin and Melissa are clearly so busy spread across other clients. Whether she includes him, or ever speaks to him again, so be it.
As long as she keeps making killer music, he can live with that.
Before he can second-guess his instincts, Josh pulls up his drafts and opens the notes email to Maya, crafting a new leading message.
INT. L.A. APARTMENT - MAYA’S BEDROOM - DAY
Maya has at least managed to stay out of bed, hair still unkempt and far from her stylish best. She’s at her desk, struggling to force herself to eat so as to not make her lingering perpetual nausea any worse.
She’s hesitant when her phone lights up on her nightstand, not sure she wants to see who it is. What a grim change of pace, considering she used to get a burst of energy every time a new opportunity could potentially be gracing her phone. Now, she finds herself dreading what she may have to stuff down and avoid.
When she sees it’s from Josh, at first she’s wary, but then she sees the subject line. “Demo Notes.”
Curiosity winning out, she opens the email and gets to her feet, anxiously pacing as she reads through it.
“Hey,
If I made things weird again somehow, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you this when I caught you in the office, but I haven’t managed to see you recently. Anyway, I listened to your demos, and they’re really good. There’s some serious stuff here. At the risk of being an arrogant asshole and overstepping again, I jotted down some thoughts I had while listening.
If you wanna do anything with them, by all means, go for it. A peace offering.
See you soon?”
Josh wasn’t kidding. He took time with these notes, evidently having deeply listened and thought about her demos. He took the time to listen at all, which is more than she’s been getting the last few months.
More than that, he’s talking to her. Just her. No mention of Justin, or Melissa -- and based on what she knows about him, his intentions are legit. He’s pathetically awkward, and a terrible actor. If he was trying to fish for his bosses, that would come through no matter how hard he tried.
He’s reaching out because he cares.
Struck with a sense of urgency, the overwhelming desire not to be trapped in isolation anymore, Maya finds herself frantically opening her text messages.
INT. GLOBAL BEAT - OFFICES - DAY
Whatever he was expecting after his olive branch, Josh is not anticipating such a fast response. He’s surprised when his phone buzzes within minutes, even more so when Maya’s contact lights up his screen. He opens it immediately, sitting up straighter.
“Lunch today?”
Josh stares at the message, then glances over his shoulder towards Justin and Melissa’s office. No one’s around to see…
He starts to type his reply.
Nigel, pre-lap: To be fair, I don’t know what I was expecting.
INT. SVORSKI’S COFFEE - DAY
He and Vanessa have taken a table in the corner, and Nigel has just finished giving her the rundown of how unideal his pitch to his parents went.
Vanessa: Ouch. Yeah… I can imagine the comment about Zay was a deep cut. Nigel: Definitely wasn’t my favorite critical commentary to receive, no. Unfortunately, that’s a common casualty of being his friend. Vanessa: Oh, even with my comparatively brief experience, I got that. Nigel: It’s not like it’s intentional or anything. And like I said, I had to adjust to that fast. I don’t hold it against him. But… sometimes it sucks. Constantly being in someone’s shadow. Especially when you love them. Vanessa: Mm. It’s that bigass head of his. It’s really good at soaking up all the sunshine.
Sorry, he can’t help it that he’s so legendary! Anyway, they’d both rather not focus on that angle of it, so it’s easy enough to push past it. Vanessa redirects to the actual core of the issue rather than the details of what was said -- his parents. Nigel nods.
Nigel: But yeah. Obviously did not go how I hoped. In fact, I can’t imagine how it could’ve gone any worse. Vanessa: Oh, come on, don’t say that. They could’ve disowned you, or threatened to pull you out of school entirely. It can always be worse. Nigel: That’s very comforting and inspiring, thank you. Vanessa: That’s what I’m here for. Master of emotional warm and fuzzies, didn’t you know this about me?
Nigel can’t help but smile at that, albeit weakly. He may not know Vanessa that well, all things considered, but he at least knows that much is a heaping dose of sarcasm. Then he shrugs.
Nigel: I don’t know. I guess I just thought… I mean, it’s not like my parents are hardcore art lovers. My dad is into lit and stuff, but… they’ve always been chill about the acting thing. So I guess some part of me just though, okay, they’ll have to think about it some, but they’ll be cool with it. They’ll want me to be happy. And their reaction was just so… not that. Vanessa: Not what you anticipated. Nigel: No. So maybe that was my mistake. I set myself up from the start. Vanessa: It’s nice you even had that illusion, though. That speaks more highly of them than you realize. Me, I know any time I bring up my “dreams” or whatever, I’m guaranteed to get an eye roll from my parents, if not an earful about it. Nigel: Yikes. Sorry. Vanessa: Yeah, my pops is not a fan of the dance thing. To say the least. Suffice to say, I get unsupportive parents. [ a beat ] I just wonder if that’s actually what’s going on.
Nigel raises his eyebrows. Skeptical, but also hoping she has something impactful to say. That there’s any way to change the gloom that’s settled over them.
Nigel: I’m listening. Vanessa: Like, don’t take my word for it, since I’m just extrapolating. I wasn’t there, you were, and I don’t really know you like that to get all psychoanalytical on your family. But… I mean, you said just now that you figured they’d have to think about it, even if they were gonna have a good reaction. Nigel: Yeah… Vanessa: Part of you clearly knows that they weren’t going to be all rosy and happy about it right off the bat. You just got lost in the heat of the moment, in the pressure of saying it at all, that you forgot to keep some of your armor on. Because trust me, I know, if you’re not properly suited up, rejection hurts like a motherfucker. It totally blindsides you, makes any other sort of logical thought in the moment impossible.
There’s a reason she’s so guarded, as a general rule. Feels safer that way, albeit lonelier. And that’s not what she’s suggesting Nigel emulate, but looking back, she’s just trying to find where he left room for expectations to fall so short of reality.
Vanessa: Like, if you knew it was gonna take some time, how are things now? What does your mom think now? Nigel: … I don’t know. We haven’t said much to each other about it. [ a beat ] About anything, really, lately.
That’s a feeling Vanessa knows too. She gives him a sympathetic look.
Vanessa: Remember that I don’t know your business, so take this with a grain of salt. But I think it might be worth talking to them about it one more time. They’ve had time, so give them the chance to say their piece now. Nigel: I wouldn’t even know what to say. Vanessa: You don’t have to say anything. This time, they have to speak up. All you have to do is listen, and decide for yourself if you can vibe with it. Wherever they’ve landed. Just go into it with your eyes wide open and armor well fitted this time.
It wouldn’t be worth it with her parents, since they’ve been a lost cause for ages now. But she doesn’t get the sense Nigel’s family is the same way. It’s not going to be comfortable, or maybe end up perfectly tied up with a bow, but better to give it one last shot than accept a fate of fractured trust for the rest of his life.
Speaking of complicated families…
INT. GRACE’S BATHROOM - FLASHBACK - NIGHT
Months have passed, now placing us firmly in Grace’s freshman year of college. Winter break to be exact, so it has already been a full semester of collegiate activity and fun.
Perhaps a little too much fun. Grace is pale and grim as she paces the tiny bathroom in her childhood home, now wrapped in a cozy crewneck from Texas A&M University. But no matter how comfortable it may be, it can’t insulate her from the reality blow she’s about to receive.
She checks her wristwatch, then reluctantly reaches towards the sink and retrieves a small piece of plastic. A pregnancy test.
A pregnancy test that reads positive.
Grace would be sick, if she was capable of feeling anything at all. She’s numb from shock, staring down at the test with a blank expression and absolutely no idea what to do.
Kenneth, pre-lap: What the hell is going on, Grace?
INT. KINSLEY FAMILY FARM - STABLES - FLASHBACK - DAY
It’s the last few days of winter break, and the world outside the wooden shell of the barn is frigid cold, even for Texas. Grace is bundled up in a coat as she cares for the horses that afternoon, using all of her focus to tend to them and have every excuse not to look at her boyfriend.
Kenneth is less bundled up, only sporting a sweatshirt from A&M -- he’s always ran hot. And he’s feeling especially so right now, frustration bubbling up as he tries to get Grace to speak to him. For whatever reason, she’s just started icing him out, and he has no clue why.
A fact that evidently does not please him. It makes him angrier to have her do it right in front of him, for him to be addressing her and her to go on as if he’s not even there.
Kenneth: You’re seriously not going to talk to me? You’re fucking pissed at me, and you won’t even have the decency to tell me why? Grace, quietly: I’m not mad at you. Kenneth: Then what the hell is wrong with you? Grace: Nothing. I’m fine.
Bullshit. But at least she’s finally biting. Kenneth doesn’t let it go, stepping closer.
Kenneth: You haven’t talked to me since Christmas Eve. You won’t take my calls. Seriously, what did I do that’s so terrible? [ with a huff ] And if you’re gonna dump me, is this really how you’re gonna do it? You ain’t even gonna look me in the eyes and tell me to fuck off? Grace: I don’t want to dump you. Kenneth: You know what you do to me, don’t you? You drive me crazy. It makes me crazy, how much I love you. I can’t deal when things are like this -- when you’re a thousand miles away. I want you -- I need you to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.
Grace wants to. Part of her does, but the rest of her that’s gripped with fear is stronger. So she stays silent, making sure Judy gets her fill of oats.
Once again rebuffed, and not understanding why, Kenneth snaps.
Kenneth: Jesus, Grace! This is ridiculous. [ a beat ] You found someone else. You found another guy, didn’t you? Grace: What? No. That’s -- Kenneth: I saw the way Jake was looking at you at the finals party. I swear, he is always trying to step on my shit. He’s mad he’s not quarterback, and then he sees that I’ve got the most beautiful girl on campus, and he just -- but he succeeded, didn’t he? He got what he wanted. Grace: No, Ken. Kenneth: Then why won’t you talk to me? Why can’t you look me in the eyes and say it to my face? [ impatient ] Grace --
He marches forward and takes her arm, tugging her in his direction to face him. She recoils and slips from his grasp, putting a few paces between them. But he manages to yank the truth out of her anyway.
Kenneth: Why can’t you just -- Grace: I’m pregnant!
The stable goes silent. Kenneth stares at her, dumbstruck; Grace can’t stare at him, dropping her humiliated gaze to the floor.
Kenneth: What? Grace: You wanted to know. That’s it. I’m pregnant.
She can say it all she wants, it won’t make it any easier to process. Kenneth shakes his head lightly, as if that’ll make the bomb un-detonate. When he manages to speak, it’s in a stunned murmur.
Kenneth: Are you serious? Grace: Yes. Kenneth: How long have you known? When did you -- ? Grace: Last week. [ a beat ] My period didn’t come. During Christmas. Kenneth: Fu -- you’re sure? Grace: [ resisting the urge to snap ] Yeah, I’m pretty sure.
Kenneth chokes out an exhale, spinning away from her and pressing his hands behind his head. He screws his eyes shut, fighting the wave of panic washing over him. Grace watches his every move, uncertain…
Then he knots his hands in his hair, letting out a profound cuss.
Kenneth: Holy shit!
Yeah, sounds about right. Grace makes herself smaller, crossing her arms.
Grace: Yeah. I know. Kenneth: Fuck. How the fuck did this happen? We didn’t -- we always use protection -- Grace: I know. I don’t know. Kenneth: What the hell are we going to do? [ turning to face her ] What did you do wrong?
Um, excuse me? Grace scowls, cheeks flushing.
Grace: What did I do? Um, I think you would know. Kenneth: Yeah, but -- but I wear a condom. I used protection. Grace: Well, it didn’t fucking work. Kenneth: Don’t talk to me like that. [ stammering ] You could’ve -- I kept telling you to get on the pill -- Grace: And I told you exactly why I couldn’t. You think my parents would ever let me do that? My dad still pretends to get out the shotgun every time you come over. And I could never do it behind their backs, I’m still on their insurance. Kenneth: There were ways. We could’ve gotten it -- Grace: Not safe ways. I said all this, and told you all this, but you said it was okay. You wanted to do it anyway. Kenneth: Because I love you! Because I wanted to be with my girl! I didn’t think --
No one ever thinks it’s going to happen to them until it does. Yet, here they are, party of two and counting.
For now, at least.
Kenneth: And what, were you just never going to tell me? If I hadn’t marched over here and made you talk, what were you gonna do then? [ rubbing his temples ] God, what are we gonna do now? Grace: Take care of it.
She says it calmly, despite the quiver in her voice. Like she’s already made up her mind. Kenneth locks eyes with her, absorbing that… and realizing what she’s implying.
Kenneth: Are you crazy? You can’t do that. Grace: I already figured out how. There’s a Planned Parenthood in Austin. I’ll go on the drive back to A&M, since it’s on the way. Kenneth: You -- you can’t. You cannot fucking do that. Do you hear what you’re saying? Grace: I don’t have any other choice. Kenneth: Any other choice than murder? How are you going to live with that? And -- fuck, what if people find out? Grace, shaky: They won’t. Kenneth: What if our parents find out? Grace, my parents will fucking murder me if they learn you got an abortion. If you killed -- Grace: Well, what’s the alternative?! Please, enlighten me, Ken. Show me what better choice there is, because I’m one-hundred percent sure you’re not ready to be a father.
Damn right, but that doesn’t help the stress at all. Kenneth presses his palms to his eyes, but the room keeps spinning anyway.
Kenneth: It’s all over. My life is over. This is going to fuck up everything. Grace: Exactly. I don’t want that to happen. That’s why I’m going to take care of it. Kenneth: No. No, Grace, you can’t. You can’t do this to -- to our -- Grace: To our what? You’re not the one who’s going to have to carry it. You realize that, right?
Kenneth passes her as he frantically paces, palms sweaty and feeling light-headed. Grace is tearing up.
Grace: I get that it’s fucked up. I get that I’m going to have to live with it for the rest of my life. But what’s the alternative, Ken? Be serious. I’m nineteen. I don’t want to be a mom -- I don’t want a fucking baby!
And they both know Kenneth doesn’t want one either, despite what Southern societal pressures might be weighing on their shoulders. So she’s going to do something about it, before both of them end up in a situation they know they’ll regret.
Still, the dread of the implications behind her choice is so visceral it’s near paralyzing. It keeps Kenneth fighting back even when he doesn’t know what for, when the other choice he’s indirectly advocating for is also a dead-end.
Kenneth: Grace, don’t do this. Listen to me. You cannot do this -- Grace: Sorry, but I don’t think it’s actually your choice.
In an instant, under enormous stress, something in Kenneth snaps.
Kenneth: Like hell it’s my fucking choice! It’s my baby!
Grace stares at him, bewildered at his outburst. She doesn’t understand why he’s fighting so hard, when she knows logically the alternative will be worse for both of them. What is he holding on so tightly for?
Grace: I’m doing this for both of us. You don’t want this, Ken. Neither do I. Kenneth: You don’t get to tell me what I want or don’t want. And you’re not going to send us both to Hell for your selfish choice. I’m not letting you take me down with you. Grace: What are you even talking about? Do you hear yourself?! Kenneth: You aren’t fucking listening to me. Grace: You can’t really think -- Kenneth: Goddamn it, Grace, would you just fucking LISTEN TO ME?
In a fit of rage, Kenneth reaches out for the first thing he can grab, ripping it off the wall and throwing it as hard as he can. It flies past Grace, causing her to duck away, and crashes against the door of one of the horse stalls, shattering into dozens of pieces.
Once Grace regains her bearings, she looks over at where the object landed, expression riddled with horror.
Her horseshoe. One of her most prized possessions, now shattered into oblivion across the ground.
Kenneth threw it away like it was nothing. Like it held no importance -- or maybe precisely because it did. It’s impossible to tell, especially now that the heat of the moment has passed and he looks as mortified as she does. He meets her eyes.
Kenneth: Grace. I’m sorry.
She can’t look away from him, heart pounding, even as she starts to back away. When he tries to close the distance between them, she scrambles further apart.
Kenneth: Let’s just talk about this --
Then she’s running. Full speed, down the slope of the stables and out into the cold embrace of the farmland in winter. Kenneth curses, stumbling after her.
Kenneth: Grace. GRACE!
He huffs out another “fuck” and kicks at the nearest beam, causing the horses to bray in fear.
EXT. KINSLEY FAMILY FARM - FLASHBACK - DAY
Grace runs as fast as her legs will carry her, not daring to look back. Not even sure what she’s running from after a certain point, but positive from the fear in her bones and the desperation coursing through her veins that she has to get away.
She blinks back any tears that surface, allowing the brisk winter chill to dry them away.
INT. FUNERAL HOME - MONTAGE - DAY
Grace’s eyes remain dry in the present, expression skillfully schooled and delicately somber as the funeral gets underway. A brief montage reflects the passage of the afternoon into evening, Christian rites being done in honor of Kenneth’s extended family.
Interwoven throughout, guests of all sorts give little voluntary speeches at the podium. Gushing about how much they loved Kenneth Friar, what a guiding light and stalwart force he was in their communities. Filled with genuine grief, full of fond reminiscent memories to share.
Grace and Lucas remain quiet. They let everyone else fill the time, listening silently but not willing -- or able -- to step up and share any memories of their own. For now, this absence goes unnoticed.
Lucas continues to look a bit nauseous, particularly every time young men from the Quincy football team praise Kenneth for his paternal wisdom and support. But he gets through it. He remains steady, surviving the bulk of the funeral without incident.
In no small part thanks to Riley, who stays faithful by his side the entire time. He keeps his hand locked with hers, using it as an anchor to ground him to the present.
EXT. NORTH HOLLYWOOD PARK - DAY
Josh’s hands are interlocked with his own, fingers twisting anxiously as he paces the park in his neighborhood. He’s waiting by a bench where he agreed to meet up with Maya, rehearsing what he thinks he’ll need to say in his head to make his case about her artistic direction before convincing himself he’s being an idiot and scrapping it out loud.
He’s saved from his own spiral when Maya arrives, making her way down the sidewalk towards him. He tells himself to pull it together and not at least act like a freak when she’s in front of him, managing to conjure up a somewhat convincing laid-back smile as she approaches.
Maya is about as stable, far from her usual starry sheen. She’s gone to the effort to dress closer to her usual style rather than sweatpants, but it’s still leagues from her standard. The only reason Josh doesn’t notice is because he’s too caught up in his own head.
Josh: Hi. Hey. Maya: Hi. Thanks for agreeing to meet here.
Instead of in Hollywood near Global Beat, which is where Josh initially assumed they’d get together. But Maya very quickly made it clear she did not want to be in that neighborhood. Considering she’s willing to chat with him at all, he was happy to oblige.
Josh: No worries. It’s my scene over here, after all, so. No biggie. Maya: Right.
Right… well. Now that they’re both there… Josh’s mental gymnastics does him no good, because he stumbles into the conversation about as haphazardly as one could.
Josh: So. Your demos. I know I probably overstepped and rubbed my big, egotistical producer hands all over it, so I’m more than open to hearing your clapbacks. If we argue about it and do nothing else, that’s all good. I just wanted to make sure you at least saw my thoughts. [ off her silence ] Just ‘cause -- like I said, they’re good. You’ve really got something beyond just like, “Haute Stuff,” you know? I figured if you saw that I put in the effort, you’d get that they’re worth --
Maya’s silence becomes more understandable the longer he rambles. It was defensive, the last ditch fight to keep it together, because the moment sound does escape her it’s certainly not confident clapping back. 
In an instant, she’s crying. And once she starts, then it’s even worse, because the utter mortification of crying in front of anyone, Josh Matthews especially, is damning enough. She brings a hand up to her face to try to hide it, to cover it any way she can, but it’s no use.
Josh blinks, totally caught off-guard. What the hell did he say? What could he have possibly done if Maya is tearing up? He’s horrible with comforting people as it is, particularly criers, and now he’s gone and made this niece-shaped frenemy turn on the waterworks.
Josh: Shit. Are you -- I’m sorry, whatever I did --
Maya shakes her head. It’s not him. God, based on what he just said, he could not be further from the problem.
Then she’s sobbing, closing the space between them and pulling him into a hug.
Josh has no idea what’s going on. He has no idea what to do, or how a lunch meeting went south so quickly, or how on Earth he ended up with Maya Hart crying into his sweater and holding onto his torso like a life preserver. There is no version of reality where he would’ve predicted this is how things would go.
But what he does know is Maya needs him. If she of all people is broken down this badly, showing her cards so easily, it has to be for good reason. And he knows if Riley were in a situation like that, he’d want her to be in the best, safest company she could find.
So that’s all there is to do. That’s all that matters. Josh opts to put the music aside, rolling with the punches and doing his best to comfort her in spite of the awkwardness. He lightly returns the hug and pats her back.
Josh: Hey. Hey… it’s gonna be okay. You’re good. It’s okay.
He really has no idea. Maya hugs tighter and only cries harder.
The two of them are just another everyday spectacle, lost in the land that made a business out of it.
END OF PART 1.
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smilesstardust · 10 months
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“I’m sorry, I seem to have missed where I asked for that” can I see this line? so excited for when this fic comes out!!
Hi! I’m so glad you sent me this one, the scene was one of the first things I wrote for this AU! It’s actually where this AU starts in my head, Ava’s first day with the Gaffney dance company!
She could do this.
Ava took a deep breath as she looked up at the Gaffney Theatre. The building was far too modern for her tastes, all harsh edges and sharp corners, though she did appreciate the glass. It reminded her of the Royal Opera House in London, a home she was unlikely to be going back to any time soon.
She pulled her bag tighter over her shoulder and walked on in.
The reception was all cool tones of white and pale blue, but still managed to feel comfortable and inviting. The main desk was staffed by an older woman, who was stood tall behind it as she rolled her eyes at the red haired man in front of her.
"Can I help you?" The woman asked Ava, noticing her hovering.
"I’m Ava Bekker. I’m supposed to start work here today as a choreographer?" She said, approaching the desk.
"Hi, I’m Will." The man introduced himself shaking her hand a little too enthusiastically for her taste. "I’m the company’s resident doctor. I think it’s so cool you’re here, I-"
"Artistic director is on his way down." The woman told Ava, cutting him off. "Don’t you have a patient or something?" She raised an eyebrow at Will, causing him to hurry off through a set of double doors behind the desk, leaving Ava stood alone.
"You can take a seat over there while you wait." She nodded towards a set of couches.
"Thank you." Ava tried to smile politely, swallowing her nerves. "I didn’t catch your name?"
The woman exhaled sharply, letting out a slight hum, which Ava couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. "Probably because I didn’t throw it. Trudy, but most folks around here just call me Platt."
"Well, thank you Trudy." Ava said, taking a seat.
Ava sat in silence for a few minutes, until Trudy spoke again. "So, how did they rope you in to filling the choreographer job? It’s been a few years since the last guy left."
"I had to retire from performing." Ava didn’t want to mention the accident, didn’t want to have to explain what happened. "I was contacted and offered the job, and I didn’t have a reason to say no."
"Ava Bekker, that’s why I know your name. I read about your injury. Tough break." She sighed sympathetically. Despite Ava doing her best not to bring up the injury, her unfairly gained reputation preceded her. Years of hard work and dedication disregarded all because she had been dropped on her face. Which was hardly her fault, since her ex had been her emergency replacement partner for one night and apparently hadn’t been able to stand being alone in the same room as her long enough to rehearse before they went on stage. Not even for one of the most important performances of her career. Her final performance, as it had turned out.
Ava didn’t respond, though it didn’t seem like Trudy expected her to. There wasn’t a lot that could be said. She’d got hurt and it had ended her career. It sucked, but nobody wanted to hear her admit that. She was simply supposed to move on with her life and forget about it as much as she could.
Ava wasn’t waiting for long before a sour looking man walked out of the same double doors Will had left through. His hair was a mess and his eyes had what looked like permanent large bags under them, suggesting sleeping was something he didn’t do much of. He had a sour look on his face as he greeted Trudy, before walking over to Ava.
Despite his tired appearance, he seemed young for an artistic director. Probably not much older than Ava herself. He introduced himself sharply as Connor Rhodes, and gestured for her to follow him.
He took her on a tour of the building, walking faster than the pace she could comfortably keep up with. He only spoke to point out certain rooms, not engaging with her at all unless she asked a question.
"And this is your office." He said, stopping at a sparsely furnished room, just containing a desk and chair. "Mine is next door. Class starts in ten minutes. I’ve been doing all of the choreographer’s work since the last one left, so you’re going to shadow me for the next few days before taking over."
She opened her mouth to ask about scheduling, when Connor cut her off. "Look, I’m not trying to be rude but I don’t expect you to be here long. Basically none of the creative staff we’ve had over the years have stayed more than a season, if they even lasted that long, and we’re a lot different than the ballet company you came from. Very few of our dancers are classically trained, or were even professionally trained before they joined us. We’re a lot less uptight than the english royal ballet company and way more experimental so I don’t know how well you’ll fit."
Ava didn’t really know how to react, and had to bite back her first urge to correct him on the name of the Royal Ballet. "Gee, if only I had done research into this company before making the life altering decision to move halfway around the world and take the job." She deadpanned after a moment, folding her arms pointedly at him.
"I don’t need a choreographer, I’ve been doing the job alongside mine fine for years now. And even if I did want someone to come in, you would not have been my first choice. I don’t think you being our choreographer is a good idea, or even something that’s going to stick anywhere close to long term." He paused. "However, the board hired you anyway and I’m not about to pick a fight with them. But I’m not going to let you change what makes us special and I’m definitely not going to go easy on you or hold your hand and explain what you should already know."
She was slightly taken aback. "I’m sorry, I seem to have missed where I asked for that?" She choked.
"First sentence that came up when I searched your name told me all I needed to know. I know you’ve never done this before. The whole point of you being here is so I don’t have the work of three people on my plate, which means I’m not going to be doing any of your work for you." He told her. Ava was slightly relieved that his only issue with her ability to do the job was her lack of experience and nothing to do with incorrect assumptions about her mental capacity following her injury.
"I don’t expect you to do my job for me. I haven’t been a choreographer before but I have choreographed routines, taught classes and staged performances. The environment and role might be different but I do know what I’m doing." She assured him. "Now can we get to work?"
Connor huffed in response. "Fine. Class is in studio three." He said, walking off down the hall in the direction they had come from.
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sungbeam · 10 months
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Sorry I think I actually went into a comatose state once the Holiday teaser ver pics came out
Suffice to say that I will be investing in these albums 🫡
Also lemme just talk abt the fact that we’ll technically get 9 different versions of the same album technically 😀
But the color grading of the holiday version is SOOOOOO nice like damnnn AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN UHHHHH THE GLITTER VER ✨GLITTER GLITTER GLITTER TWIRLS TWIRLS TWIRLS TOGETHER FOREVER ITS LINDA AND HEATHERRR✨ IS SOOOOO PRETTY LIKE TF ESP YOUNGHOON’S HAIR LIKE LORDDDDDD
AND YES SO TRUE IT PROBABLY TAKES ME LIKE AN HOUR TO WRITE A FULL ASK AND IT’S SO UPSETTING TO ME REAHHHHH
The Boys is also way lowkey scary so yeah you’re right 😭 AND YEAH THE ACTOR THAT PLAYED HOMELANDER WAS LIKE… TOO GOOD AT HIS JOB 💀💀 ALSO I saw what you meant about marvel invasion cause ummm what is up with that reader insert plot armour type beat character 💀💀💀 like I saw her scene on twt and not only does it look bad but I was like HUH??? Characters that are so OP are fkn ejdwjjrkekf TOO MUCH LMAO
And I am once again sooo excited for Rhapsody Anonymous even though I saw you were struggling a bit writing it but I think it’ll really pay off 🥹🫶
I’m so glad that you did take some time off for yourself to ground yourself when you felt overwhelmed and I’m really glad that it helped you as well!! Take care of yourself above all else! 🥺💖
Also! Random Q&A time!
1. What’s your fav type of bread
2. What’s the cringiest thing you’ve ever put up on social media (optional answer 💀)
3. Have you ever been in love 🫣
4. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CARTOON CHARACTER CRUSH YOU CAN’T LIE TO ME IK YOU HAD ONE (REQUIRED, MUST ANSWER, NOT OPTIONAL 😤☝️)
I got like 2/4 of these from teen vogue so don’t @ me ok 😔💔
- So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. (Paulo Coehlo)
Love always, 🌷 anon
NO CUZ SAME???!(!(!) like I literally was supposed to wrote the day the present concept came out and i couldn't think abt anything else for the rest of the day :l BRO THATS WHAT IM SAYING ?? ist making MONEY MOVES this comeback 😭😭😭 pulling out all the stops to suck the money from our wallets ksnfkemdk I'll need to drop out of college if I were to get even one per concept 😭😭😭
HELP NO CUZ THE COLORS FROM THE PRESENT VER ARE SOOOOOO VIBRANT AND BEAUTIFUL???? THEY WERE SO SO PRETTY. and omg CHOI CHANHEE WAS MADE FOR THE GLITTER VERSION 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ someone said *im spinnin like a ballerinaaaa* LMAO have u seen the clips from the zeneration behind lol chanhee and kevin on the POLES !!! so iconic tbh i think it was for savior?? not too sure
ur so right anthony starr (?)/homelander plays his role FAR TOO WELL O_O he freaks me tf OUT w that smile omg sknfkendk all his scenes put a shiver down my spine and i haven't even properly watched the series 😭
bro secret invasion threw me for a mfkn loop 😭 idk if you've watched the whole thing but KEVIN FEIGE WE NEED TO TALK ABT UR CHOICES FOR MISS MARIA HILL WE NEED TO TALK S I R. i actually really like the title sequence for it tho i thought it was so masterfully done like for some reason i really liked it in particular 😭💀
ahhhh thanks !!! 🤧🤧 hopefully u like what I've done for it LMFAOOOO it's been a struggle up in here, but it's prob gonna come out to be longer than the estimated word count 🤣🤣 i am not doing very good at keeping it under 20k
omg random q+a 😃
brioche !!! tho i think i have more opinions abt cheese than bread 😭 wheat works too LMAO
uhhhhh 💀 the things i posted way back when r more embarrassing/"u idiot"/"u bitch" type things, but ig i can say all of the over filtered pics 😭😭 i cry every time i think of that try hard bathing suit post i did once it was awful
uhhhh if being in love counts as being in love w white rice then yes 🤩🤩 idk dude lol i don't think i've met anyone yet whom i have really felt so strong an emotion for as sad as it sounds, but i am patient
HELP ME KDFKLEMDK CUZ .... Apparently when i was 1 or 2, i had a SICKENING crush on jimmy neutron 🧍🏻‍♀️ but after that it was probably zayn from lego ninjago, i don't make the rules LMAO i am a nerd-lover through and through !!!
NOW UR TURN GO !!! 😼😼 LMAO no worries i think it was cute and fun !!
— "'If you are intolerable, let me be the one to tolerate you.'" - T. J. Reid 💖
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hisfearlesshaz · 1 year
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hii!! i’m the american anon that wants to move to italy! thank you so much for your input! i saw that you’ve also lived in the Netherlands and that’s a place i’ve also been recently considering as well!! could you tell me a bit about what it’s like to live there? i’ve heard that there’s a bit of a housing shortage as well in Amsterdam recently! do you think it’s difficult to get a job there if you aren’t from there? i also love how people seem to bike everywhere!! i’ve been studying italian for a few weeks because it’s definitely still one of my top choices. my plan is to move to the uk, then eventually make my way over to italy or the netherlands. i feel like that would be a little bit easier for me. did you like living in italy or the netherlands better? i think there will always be cons about every country you go to, but i think i would take the cons of italy, the netherlands, and the uk over the cons of the united states any day lol. thank you!!!! ❤️
Hi!! Glad to help hahah :)))
So! I actually lived in Belgium, not the Netherlands, but I LOVED it. Best six months of my life and I’m not even joking hahaha. I’ve been to the Netherlands and it’s basically the same except for the size because Belgium is reeeeally small. About the size of Maryland but with double the population. The train sister is quite good so you can reach every “big” city in 1h (there are like 3 big cities, so it’s not that hard really hahaha). I lived in Ghent which is in Flanders so they speak Flemish and Dutch (they’re kinda similar but don’t tell anyone I said that) and some also speak French. The weird thing about Belgium is that they have three official languages (French, Dutch, German) depending on the region but as I said to Gina it doesn’t really matter as everyone speaks English. Can’t have a damn private conversation in public ever even though you’re in a foreign country 😂
Belgium is like the less cool sister of the Netherlands but I think it’s very underrated!!!!! They’re very open and welcoming and progressive. Everyone bikes there as well 😂 you have to pay attention because bikes RULE and if you’re on foot you have to stop to let them through (which is absurd to me, being Italian, bc here you see a few bikes and THEY stop lol). Anyway the housing “crisis” is common in both countries, I think. Maybe a bit better in Belgium? Not sure though, sorry 🤷
As for job opportunities, I think it’s easier than in other places (now I’m talking about both countries). They’re very international, and obv it depends on what kind of job you’re looking for an show qualified you are but overall I think there’s a good job offer (my professor once told me that the province I was in had an employment rate of 80% in people aged 20-60). Again, idk anything specific about the Netherlands but I know more than one person that moved there and found a job quite easily compared to Italy.
Now! Moving on to Italy ;))
I can’t say I want to keep living here, honestly. The south is left behind, work is hard to find unless you’re somewhat specialised, the cost of living is levitating and the government sucks. However, we have a history of unstable governments so who knows how long it will last hahah
There are some new awful waves of homo/transphobia and hate crimes + being an ex fascist country that never truly went away completely. However it’s full of people that fucking hate fascists and nazis and manifest their disapproval regarding right wing parties (that are currently governing) and policies. I have to admit that I’m not that much into politics because I’m tiiiiiired of it being always the same shit if not worse and I think this is a widespread feeling (less and less people care and vote so this obviously makes everything get worse 💀).
The transportation is good only in big cities and between them, really. I lived 50km away from uni and it took me TWO HOURS with at least two different means of transportation. Now that I live in the city, though, I can go wherever I want very easily even though I’m in the outskirts. Milan (which is where I live and study haha) is beautiful, but very busy and definitely not the most beautiful city in the country. I like living here though, you have everything you need and more + the cultural scene is quite active and there are always events of any kind. I have to say it’s a bit more clean than, for example, Rome. It’s called the economical capital of Italy so as you can imagine finding a job here is easier than in other places. Many people from the south actually migrate up north to have better job opportunities (which means that the south keeps lagging behind etc etc and it SUCKS because the south is sooo beautiful and the living conditions could be so much better if we had a good government that knew how to handle stuff to use the resources we have ☹️).
So, Milan is good for work and stuff but people are definì less welcoming than the rest of Italy. Everyone is always busy lol. However (it’s fucking sad to say but it’s true) I’m pretty sure that since you’re American and not from somewhere in Africa, South America or Asia.. people would treat better. There’s still this kind of myth about the American dream, you know? I think it’s the remains of our ancestors migrating to America to have better life opportunities (only to be treated as garbage like they threat immigrants here 💀 sometimes I can’t believe how fucking stupid and plainly ignorant some people can be).
I think I also have to mention that Italian bureaucracy is fucking awful. Like. For real. The worst thing ever. It takes ages for the smallest, stupidest things, you still need to do a lot of stuff in person and not online and in general it doesn’t work really well. I have no idea how it works in the rest of the world but I know that it’s been like 9 months since a relative of mine passed away and we’re still waiting for the succession to be done. To make another example: to have the passport you have to take an appointment and the first free slots are usually after at least three months. Then you need to go to that specific place which must be in your province of residence and it takes like 10 mins to sign the docs and let them take them your fingerprints and THEN you wait like two more weeks for it to be ready to be picked up. I swear it’s so!!!!! Frustrating!!!!!!
Now that I read back what I wrote I realised that it doesn’t sound really positive 😂🥲 maybe it’s bc as I said I want to move so I tend to take into consideration all those things that make me wanna go abroad.. Anyway in conclusion I kinda agree with the other anon that messaged Gina. It’s a beautiful place but more like for holidays than for living. In my opinion.
I think that going to the UK is obviously a good choice, but I’m not sure it’s gonna be that easy to go live in the continent afterwards, after the brexit mess and all that. It’s fucked up, really. It was sooo easy before that :((
I think the best option (but, like, I’m no one to tell you what’s best, obviously jdjdjs) is would be to go the the Netherlands or Belgium and from there moving wherever you want. I think it would be way easier since they’re parte of the UE etc. + as I said like ten times they’re very very nice places to live in :))
This has gotten very very long and I’m sorry haha 😅 can you tell I have something to do that I really don’t want to do? Anyway if you have more questions or other stuff you’re curious about feel free to ask!!!
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hollandorks · 2 years
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SHELBYYY HAHAHA
yes! camp ended july and a lot happened between me getting covid and the end of camp, but those are many stories for another time! it was exhausting but i miss it in my bones, my body absolutely misses it too and it’s coming out in poor sleep and worsening periods and i just can’t wait to get back out there again</3
and yes, this is my last year!! i graduate in the spring, and i have to start applying for jobs with usfs next month for a position in spring/summer which is CRAZY to think about how close i am to being a full-fledged adult and i hate it LMAO it’s such a weird feeling and kind of (extremely) daunting
and 3 beach vacations??? DESERVED! different beaches or same, and with the same person/people or different? and YAY for less work but same pay!! what do you do again? i remember something about a medical office of some point and working with your mom….?
anyway. still haven’t caught up on motn2 (cannot remember the title for the life of me rn LMAO my brain is fried) and it’ll happen sometime SOON but i’m just not prepared for it to take over my life again HAHAHAH but i miss talking to you and screaming to (at) you and i want to talk to you more and more because i MISSSSS YOU
hope you’re doing well now! love u dearly and i’m hoping your day has been going well❤️❤️❤️
Aw I love that you miss it so much 🥺 glad you had a good time!!! Feel free to randomly drop by with camp stories whenever, I love them! Also sorry that your body misses it and has decided to punish you 😂 that sucks
Wow your last year!! That's exciting!! I totally get it though, I graduated 4 ish years ago and it's still daunting tbh like am I really an adult?? Are we sure???
Yeah 3 beach vacations!! The first was my first trip with my husband's entire family (his parents, his siblings, their spouses, and our niece) to Florida--even though we've been together for almost 12 years we've never vacationed with whole family. The second trip was 3 weeks after that with my mom's whole side of the family (20+ people) for a family reunion! We went to the beach we always go to (it's in South Carolina 3 ish hours from where I live). The next beach trip was two weeks after that, our annual trip with my mom, aunt, and grandparents--we booked that one before the family reunion was planned & we couldn't get a refund so we went anyways!
I work at an allergy doctor's office with my mom yep! I do administrative work. So I for one thing run our social media etc (very easy), I'm in charge of specialty medications (scheduling patients and filing with insurance), and I work at our front desk/ reception on Saturday mornings now! And fill in as necessary.
By the time you get to the sequel maybe I'll be done and you can binge!! I look forward to hearing your thoughts whenever you do read it 👀
Hope you're doing well too and not too stressed by school etc!! ❤️ I'm great other than my looming wisdom teeth surgery but whatever, life is good otherwise 😂
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backhurtyy · 2 years
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I sent another ask maybe a week ago but you were in Europe and I think tumblr ate it anyways lmao. The job I got was DOOKIE it stunk, my coworkers were a toss up between older and hypocritical like getting people in trouble for every little thing and then showing up hours late to being younger than me and opening talking about hentai with customers around like it’s nothing, but it’s okay cause I have to leave it anyways. My dad has to leave for his job for 3 months give or take so it’ll just be me and my brother and neither of us can drive lol. He was my ride to work so I’ll just be vibing until he comes back unless I can find something super close to work at. BUT my hamster did escape because he chewed through his roof the other day and my brother found him, he was out less than two hours but now I’m watching him like a hawk. Overall though I am doing pretty well, I keep looking at all my drafts and feeling them judge me as I start something new or ignore them for a video game. I have however been rotating one of my ocs in my brain like a music box ballerina, I love him too much. I started a game I played when I was like 12 and I can see a lot of similarities between that and my ocs stories even though I didn’t remember the game at all and I’m like. This game required my brain, didn’t it? But I’m doing good I’m hanging out, how have you been it seems like things have been eventful - 🤍
no it’s still sitting in my askbox i’m just the worst and never found a good time to answer it 😭😭😭 but that sucks SO MUCH i’m so sorry it was so awful!!! your coworkers all sound so shitty, jesus. like okay y’all are just really gonna be like that??? at WORK??? HENTAI??? AT WORK??? and hello hypocrisy… i don’t blame you at all for hating it or leaving, they sound like nightmares. and i guess at least you didn’t love it and then have to be sad when you have to leave while your dads gone??? a tiny silver lining i suppose lol.
NOT HAMSTER HOUDINI 😭😭😭 i’m so glad you guys found the little menace hehe. i’m also glad you’re doing well!!! i feel that on the drafts and stuff, i have so many wips but i keep starting new wips like in the past week i’ve started three more steddie fics and now i’m like. i need to actually finish them. please. and yesssss the good old viddy game revisit!!! that’s kinda cool to me that you notice similarities, like it tells you just how important that was to you when you were younger and just. idk i love seeing imprints of your childhood later on in life???
anyways i’m good, i’ve been moving in to my house on campus which has been hard. i’m living halfway between my house and my parents house which is weird. but that’s mostly cause i don’t have my bed frame yet, but it should be here on monday. i think after that i’ll be able to move fully into my house and settle in before the semester starts. and otherwise i’m just chilling at home watching movies and stuff, nothing much is happening since i got back from europe!!!
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takenbypeter · 2 years
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Could I make a request for Bucky trying to cheer up the reader after she had a rough day at school?
Ps. I love your writing! It’s so amazing
Rough Day
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Bucky Barnes x reader
Words: 600
~~~~~
Author’s note: before anything I wanted to apologize. Idk why but I suck at requested comfort fics, so yeah sorry if this sucks. I tried but I still feel like this fic is mid. Anyways I still am glad that I got the request and thanks so much for the compliments! I appreciate it ✨💕✨
~~~~~
You had, had a rough day. Well more like everyday was a rough day at school. You were getting tired. The tests, the exams, oh god the people, the facts that you knew only about a third would actually be important to your job. Everybody reaches a breaking point eventually and what do you do when you reach that breaking point. You wallow in your room alone, mind racking up thoughts while you lay under your covers in the dark. Except this time you weren’t as alone as you thought, because near the end of your meltdown in came Bucky.
“Hey, guess what I got?” He asked and you felt the bed bend where he sat down beside you. Oh goodness, you did not want to drag Bucky into this. You couldn’t imagine what he would think. All that he’s been through and yet here you were complaining about school and classes. So trying not to draw unnecessary attention, you quickly wipe your tear stained face with the back of your hands before uncovering yourself. “Hmm?” You hum, your voice soft.
Bucky stops, catching a glimpse of your face. Even in the darkness he can still make out the redness of your eyes. Noticing his obvious silence and the smile on his face drop, you lifted the blanket again covering the bottom half of your face. “What’s wrong?” He asks and you shake your head behind the blanket, “nothing.”
He stared silently, you knew he could stay like that for hours. “It’s just school stress, it’s not a big deal,” you said, facing the wall with your back now shifted towards him. You waited a beat, not wanting to bore him with your own problems, but then you felt the bed return to normal and you heard his footsteps retreating. And now, you feel bad.
Soon after though, you heard him return and the bed sunk again. You felt him move behind you and his arm wrapped around and suddenly a yellow post-it note came into your view.
Pulling your hands out, you grab the post-it and your eyes trail over it. On the yellow post-it note was a badly drawn man, who from the beard and hair you could only assume was Bucky, with the words, ‘sorry,’ written across it.
You let out a single chuckle at the bad drawing. “I’m not the best with words, so I figured I’d at least try to just write something.”
You lay in silence, eyes not leaving the paper.
“I’m sorry that school sucks.”
You let out a sigh, finally turning around to him, “sometimes it’s just too much and I’m not going to drop out. But I can’t help but think, is it all worth it? It’s just frustrating.”
A few beats passed where you two thought in silence. “You know, I was never really interested in school. So, whenever I see you, giving your all; working on your homework, or studying, I feel…” he takes a moment searching for the right word, “impressed.”You smile a little at his word choice.
“Yeah it sucks and you’re going to make mistakes. But the mistakes aren’t important. What matters is that you acknowledge them and how you move on from them.”
Your grin widens at his wise and uncharacteristic positive words. “Did Steve tell you that?”
Bucky grinned, “not exactly. But he inspired it. Now tell me what to do to make this day better,” he asks. After a moment you scoot over, giving him more room. “Just lay down with me.”
Gladly complying, he lifts the covers, warmly snuggling against you.
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yanderelovlies · 1 year
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✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!
That’s why we have wonderful food * chomps on your work* delicious. At least you want to improve everyday and growing as a writer!
Oh okay that makes sense. Actually that sounds like a nightmare like horray for days off but working day and night for that long and finally you get a break and people tell you to do your job even though you’re off sucks. Sorry about that I agree I get fed up with that type of job and tell them to suck it and I’m quitting.
Yes and unfortunately I can’t tell her that because she can make my job even worse and I know what she does she’s a two faced bitch basically but if I tell her that I can get little to no money from her not giving me any work at all or too much at a time. Yes and well the person who confronted her told me yeah she maybe talking shit behind my back but she always does it in Spanish so I can’t understand well enough. Yeah even the night hosts I remember are nicer about it and actually listen to me but I don’t work night shifts so boo ahh!
Oh yeah it must be better than that because then why would it be so popular then and that now gets me intrigued. Pfft I wish my mom could handle it. She is the type you can tell little details but not more ínstense things otherwise she asks me to stop and I know she is getting disturbed. I make it a point never to tell her about children cases because she is very sensitive to that. Yeah the families have it second worst. The first are victims.
No wonder, you have to be the older responsible person sometimes and it isn’t easy since you got to be strict with them sometimes or they act out. Pfft you look at baby magazines and your like “ Wrong audience.” Ooh what cat do you have and what kind of dog are you thinking of getting? I’m now even more curious on your perspective, the public can go away if they don’t want to know!
Your welcome!
Lol I'm honestly glad for the literature classes I need to take for my career path. It's been a big help honestly. Also damn I didn't know it was that good 👀
God the six weeks was awful luckily I didn't work nights, but it felt awkward when I need to do laundry cause I had to laundry room down the hall.
Do have a Manger you can tell?? Cause that sounds like shit if you ask me. Thats not a goof work environment.
I would so be down to rewatch the movies with you 👀. Also, I and mom are mixed on those cases. We don't care about details, especially me. Another one of those things I have to walk away from.
It wasn't easy. Having to play parent made it very strenuous for our relationship. I can't tell you how many times I got told "I hate you." When they were mad. I'm not proud to admit it, but it made me constantly upset with them. I didn't hate them never could but I didn't look at them in good light like I should have. Things did get better when our family found stability with my mom's boyfriend. I'm on way better terms with my siblings. I'm just upset it took so long you know??
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can-youimagine · 2 years
Text
Work In Progress Chapter Thirty-One
Summary: After leaving the BAU, you promised you would never go back. But then, you meet your replacement. Your genius, caring, loving replacement, and you can’t stop yourself from being pulled back into that world.
Chapter TW:
Word Count: 675
Series Masterlist | Masterlist
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You smooth your skirt one last time before walking into the building. If Spencer weren’t with you, you aren’t sure you ever would have made it this far.
“You’ve got this,” he mutters, leading you in. “I’ll be with you the whole time.”
“I know.” You lean against him as the elevator doors shut. “Sucks that they won’t let us be alone, though.”
“But now I won’t be away from you.”
“I can live with that.”
He kisses the top of your head just before the elevator doors open and Hotch greets you. “Welcome back to the team, (L/N).”
“What’s first?”
Spencer squeezes your hand one last time before Hotch whisks you away. You barely make it to the bullpen before Rossi sees you. He bounds down from his office. “Well, look who it is!” As soon as he reaches you, he pulls you into a hug. “Looks like I’m not the only one who can’t leave.”
You laugh. “Sorry to steal your thunder.”
“I’m glad you did.” You aren’t entirely sure how much he knows, but the look in his eyes tells you that it’s more than he should. “Welcome back.”
“Thanks.”
“Let me introduce you to the rest of the team.”
“I’ve already met most of them,” you respond. “Actually, I’ve met everyone except,” your eyes land on the brunette who is watching you closely, “Agent Prentiss.”
She nods. “Agent (L/N),” she greets. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Hopefully you won’t let that influence your opinion.”
“It was all good.”
“I want to know how you feel about me. “
“I think we’ll get along just fine,” she says without missing a beat.
“I hope so.”
Hotch places a hand on your back. “JJ’s office is this way.” You give her a small smile before following Hotch down to JJ’s office, telling you a list of responsibilities that you already know.
You cut him off before you enter the office. “I’ve had the job before, Aaron. I know what I’m doing.”
“I know. I know.”
You lead him down the hall a bit, away from the office. “Aaron, you are not responsible for what happened. I know how hard it was for me to come back, I can’t imagine how stressed you were.” You grab his hand. “What happened… I’ve forgiven you. I’ve forgiven Gideon and Morgan and everyone else who was supposed to be with me. It doesn’t seem like you’ve been able to do the same.”
His gaze drops to the floor.
“Aaron, you can’t take everyone’s stress. It’ll drive you mad.”
He wants to argue with you. He isn’t taking everyone’s stress. He’s only taking the stress he’s responsible for. “I’m unit chief.”
“You’re saying that if you were just an agent, you wouldn’t feel this way?” You take his silence as an answer. “Like you said, I’m never going to be alone. Nothing bad is going to happen. I trust you.”
“I better let you get to work.”
“Yes, sir.” He leaves you with JJ before heading back to his office.
She sits down with you. “It’s so great to see you again.”
“You, too.”
She seems a bit uneasy around you, but it makes sense. She joined the team only about a year before you left, even then, you two rarely had any communication. She keeps a respectable distance between the two of you as she explains her process, ending with, “but you’ve already done this, so there’s no use in me explaining it again.”
“We can all use a refresher sometimes. Thank you.”
She nods. “I guess I’m just not ready to give this up.”
“I get that. Maybe once you see that you’re not just leaving them to fend for themselves you’ll feel better.”
“We’ll see.”
“Well then, do you have a case?”
She gestures to the pile in front of her. “Take your pick.”
You skim through the files before settling on one. “Ready for a trip to Oklahoma?”
She takes the file from you, giving it a once-over. “You have good taste.”
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sukirichi · 3 years
Text
pink hearts
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You only ever wanted a job as a babysitter to make ends meet – falling in love was out of the equation – but with the magic presented right in front of you, you weren’t going to push it away.
PAIRINGS. itadori jin x reader
WC. 10.7k+
NOTES. this fic is purely self indulgent, not requested, i wrote this for me so reader is mostly...well, me. okay listen I KNOW toji is the choice dilf but PLEASE daddy jin has my heart and i’m so soft for him like you guys don’t understand. this is my comfort fic now and jin’s made his way on my comfort character list, give this amazing man a chance, he’s amazing and so kind eeeee my heart is going to burst i love him so much lol + oh this is unedited as usual
masterlist !
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The pink-haired man sat across from you, setting down the tray of two coffee mugs on the coffee table before you. He was of regular build, mostly on the lanky side, and his kind eyes peered behind glasses as he smiled at you. “So you’re the babysitter Mr. Gojo recommended?”
You stared at him. Shamelessly. 
Suddenly, your initial plan of impressing your employer by wearing a tight pencil skirt and an old white blouse after the assumption that they would be prissy and had way too much money on their hands felt useless. 
This guy wore a cream sweatshirt and black slacks, clearly happy and comfortable in his own home.
Upon being the subject of your stare, he only smiled awkwardly, clasping his hands in front of himself as he cleared his throat to let you speak.
“Oh!” you suddenly sat up straight, “Yes, yes I am. I’m sorry for staring. I just think you’d be this...young.” And modest.
“I understand. You’re in university, correct?” you nodded, leaning back in his seat, hand scratching the back of his head. His cheeks tinged a slight pink. “And you’re a close friend of Satoru’s, well...It’s not that I don’t trust his judgment or anything, but it’s my first time being a parent – and I’m a single dad, at that – so I hope you don’t mind that I’d like to see how you get along with my son first before I hire you.”
“Oh yeah, no, that’s perfectly fine!”
Satisfied with your answer, Mr. Itadori stood up with a bow, silently gesturing you to follow him down his hall. “Is there anything you’re uncomfortable with, or anything you don’t know much about? Changing diapers, giving the teething products, anything?”
“I’m the eldest in the family, four more hellish sun drops following afterwards. I think I’m good.”
He nodded at your answer, a small smile on his face. “That’s good to know. My last babysitter was the same age as you, but he didn’t know much about handling babies. I mean, neither do I, but a man’s got to learn, you know?” he laughed at himself, unaware that with each passing second, pink heart eyes gazed up at him admirably.
When you both reached a door that was left slighty open, Mr. Itadori lit up, bending down in front of a crib where his baby laid, small hands clutching at his feet. “Yuuji, baby, Daddy’s here. Are you ready to meet your babysitter?”
Your jaw dropped when he finally picked his baby up, the little boy clad in a tiger onesie and sucking on a toy. “Oh my gosh, you’re so adorable, come here!” you were more than glad when his dad laughed and gently passed the baby to you, who only gurgled in laughter when you cooed at him. “Oh, I want to spoil you and give you kisses, how are you this cute?” Well, it made sense he was cute, since his dad was as well. Yuuji made grabby hands at you, to which you happily obliged, leaning down so his tiny fingers could pinck your cheeks.
Unable to help it, you rubbed your cheeks on his touch, making the little boy clap his feet together, eyes bright with all the happiness and innocence in this world. You honestly wanted to cry right then and there.
“Your hands are soooo tiny, my goodness, I love you already! It’s so nice to meet you, Yuuji, you’re such an angel!”
“You like kids, huh?”
“Well, not so much with kids because toddlers have too much energy, but babies,” you gasped once you heard Mr. Itadori’s muffled laughter, greeted by the sight of him hiding his mouth behind his palm. Instantly, you smiled at him nervously, clutching the baby closer to yourself because he was so darn cute.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry if I’m being weird right now, I can’t help it! Your son is so precious!”
“Thank you. He’s the greatest blessing of my life too,” he beamed, turning to his baby with that soft look in his eyes that parents wore so well. “Well, it seems Yuuji really likes you. He’s friendly to everyone but...I’m surprised he’s warmed up to you this fast,” Mr. Itadori bent over to poke his cheek, the baby’s tiny hand wrapping around his dad’s finger. “Yuuji~ don’t forget I’m still your dad, okay? She’s the babysitter – she’s not your mom so don’t be too clingy, alright?”
You stiffened at his words, your eyes flickering back and forth between the baby and him. They had the same eye and hair colour, along with that aura of kindness surrounding them...it was hard to imagine what the mother would be like. Was she as bright and adorable too?
If yes, then this was an entire family of pink hearted strawberries!
“If...if it’s not too much to ask, may I ask where his mom is?”
Much to your surprise, his eyes grew forlorn, though the smile remained on his face. “His mom...is in a much happier place now,” was all he said – and it was enough – that you couldn’t dare ask more.
Mr. Itadori walked out of Yuuji’s room and into the kitchen afterwards, eyes squinting over the neat handwriting on a sticky note on his refrigerator. “Okay, so, I don’t know if Satoru’s told you, but I’m an engineer. I usually just work from home, especially now that I’ve got a baby, but there are still days where I have to go the office for presentations and meetings. I can’t guarantee that the babysitting schedule will be permanent – is it alright if I call you whenever?”
“Yeah, yeah, I mean, other than university, I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”
“That’s good to hear! But wouldn’t this job get in the way of your studies?”
You shook your head, subconsciously pressing closer to the baby instead because he was just so warm and wouldn’t stop tugging at your collar. A part of you was also eager to get this job not only for the baby, but Mr. Itadori intrigued you as well. You knew it was wrong but you had to be honest with yourself, hiding this truth for him instead through a shaky smile.
“No, definitely not! I can just take my studies here – if you won’t mind, of course – and I promise I won’t litter or make a mess or anything. During babysitting hours, Yuuji will be more of a priority than my homework, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
Mr. Itadori hummed to himself, rubbing at his chin. “If that’s the case, then I suppose you’re free to use the study at the end of the hall. There’s a baby camera there that lets you see Yuuji in every room, but if he’s asleep, feel free to use it.”
“Oh wow,” you blinked back in surprise, gently rocking a gurgling Yuuji back and forth. “You didn’t have to do that so uhm, thank you, really, I promise I’ll take care of your son very well!”
“I can see why Satoru recommended you now,” he shook his head with a smile, moving over to the litter of dinosaur stickers onto another list. “Here is a list of the things Yuuji likes and doesn’t like. He’s mostly active in the afternoons when I’ll most likely get called for work, and he’s a mess by then. He really likes playing and cuddles, and he’ll also demand to be carried most of the time otherwise he’ll cry,” he paused as his eyes slid over to you, lips pursed in thought. “I know you’ll do great but...don’t spoil my son too much, okay? I just don’t want him to uh...think that you’re his parent or something. Yuuji gets easily attached like that. If he calls you ‘mama’...please tell me about it, okay?”
“Yes, of course. I know my place, don’t worry.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way,” he raised in hands in surrender as he saw your eyes widen with fear. “Being a single parent is just hard, you know? I can’t help but always feel that maybe I won’t be enough for him, and as much as I can, I’d like to let my son he can rely on me at all times.”
“I think you’re a very great father,” you admitted rather shyly, “Your son is really lucky to have you as his parent. I can tell he’s going to be such a sweetheart.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me,” he placed a hand over his heart, then pulled out a business card from the back of his pocket. “Now, here’s my number and my work schedules. You don’t have to drop by during weekends since I’m always here, but I might need you every Wednesdays to Fridays. Can I have your class schedule as well? That way I know when’s the right time to text you if I need something,” Reaching into your bag that had a copy of your schedule, you handed it to him, the strawberry-haired man’s lips growing into a smile as he read over the content. “Well, what do you know? You study engineering too? Computer engineering?”
You winced, memories you’d rather not think of again resurfacing. “Please don’t call me a nerd. I’ve heard that enough already.”
“What’s wrong about being a nerd? I’ve always been a nerd too and I think I’m fine,” you swapped numbers after that, not even giving you enough time to recover from his comment. Not that being a nerd was a huge deal, but people always said it weirdly that you dreaded hat word. Hearing it from him though...it felt like a compliment. “Guess that settles it then. I’ll see you soon?”
Heart elated and spirits soaring into the sky that you actually got the job and the employer was a kind man, you nodded with a bright smile on your face. “Yeah, I’ll come by next week! Thank you so much for trusting me!”
“No, thank you for your service,” he responded back shyly, waving to you as you walked out the door. Not a few moments later, Mr. Itadori ran after you, his cheeks flushed pink from the shrot run. “Wait! Can I have my son back?”
Looking down at the baby in your arms who was too busy sucking on his thumb, your cheeks heated, extending your arms as gentle as you could while Mr. Itadori got his son back. He only laughed at your state, waving it off with a shake of his head. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! It just feels so natural to hold him!”
“You’ll be a good mother someday,” he commented almost absentmindedly. Meanwhile, you couldn’t stop bowing and apologizing with each step backwards, too distracted to notice that your heels dug into a small crack. You yelped as you felt the floor slip beneath you, Mr. Itadori’s instincts kicking in when he easily grabbed your wrist to pull you towards him, your foreheads almost knocking one another’s. “Whoa – watch your step. You could’ve fallen seriously there.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Itadori! I’ll try to be more graceful next time,” you bowed repeatedly, still so ashamed as you tugged your skirt down. “Why the hell did I wear heels anyway? It’s not like this is a law firm.”
“Please,” he smiled at you – and you swore in that moment that things were just going to be different – eyes closed and his whole face lit with light heartedness. “Call me Jin,” taking his son’s hands up, he waved the little arm as you walked out the door, still in a light trance of disbelief. “Say bye-bye, Yuuji!”
Even as you made it back to your bus stop, you still couldn’t get your mind off of the strawberry-haired father and son duo. Their home was just so...bright, you immediately felt safe and comfortable.
As your heart fluttered at the memory of Jin smiling at you, you placed a palm over your heart, willing it to calm down. That couldn’t be good, right?
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“Earth to Y/N!”
You snapped back to life when your friend slapped you on the arm, smiling at her when she only huffed at your dazed out self again. It wasn’t irregular for you to space out like this, and you were more than thankful she was always there to bring you back to reality before you accidentally crossed a street when the lights were green or something.
“Sorry, what?”
“Do you know how many times we had to drag you away because you keep running into poles?” she rolled her eyes, “Sheesh, how would you survive without us? What are you spacing out for anyway?”
“Nothing, nothing. Just thinking about work and all.”
“Speaking of that, how’d the interview go? Was your employer as strict and condescending as the Zenins? The hell happened to those bastards anyway?” “I bet their child is going to grow up sexist or something.”
At the mention of Jin and his baby, your whole self lit up. “My employer is better this time around. He’s only a few years older than us; like five or seven, I think? He’s really nice too and dude, his baby is so. Freaking. Adorable,” you gushed, mimicking the gesture of rocking a baby around with your arms, eyes filled with heart-shaped characters. “Like a freaking strawberry in my arms! He’s so sweet too!”
“You and your attachment to babies,” she scrunched her nose in disgust – always having had an aversion to anyone younger than her. “I’ll never get it.”
“Babies are the best!”
“Yeah, until they drool and throw up on you,” as if the image procured in her mind, your friend shuddered, rubbing her hands up and down her arm to relieve her goosebumps. “I never want to be a mom.”
“You’ll change your mind once you fall in love with someone who’s amazing enough to make you want to have a family on your own.”
“You talk about that as if you’ve met that someone already!”
“Maybe I have,” you giggled stupidly to yourself. Of course you weren’t thinking about Jin – you just knew deep in your heart you always wanted your own family. Growing up from a large family and getting separated from them, it was uncomfortable to not be surrounded by crying and squealing, which was always accompanied with laughter and kisses at the end of the day. Now who wouldn’t want that? You waved your hand to your friend, trying to hide the apparent gushing behind your voice. “I’m just kidding. I just really love babies.”
“Whatever,” she closed the topic, and you didn’t protest, knowing full well your friend cringed at the mention of babies or children. “So are you coming to our study group tonight?”
“Can’t. Got work,” you shrugged, a light skip in your steps as you both walked to the campus. Thankfully, she mistook your enthusiasm with the excitement of getting to hang out with babies again, which was true, but something about meeting Jin again and possibly getting to know more about the sweet father was a huge cherry on top – one your friend didn’t have to know about.
“Shame. I heard that hot guy from Biology was coming too.”
“Fushiguro Toji? Wasn’t he scouted for the military?”
“Honestly, I’m more surprised he’s not a gangster,” she snorted, “But whatever. Text me when you get home safely, okay? If you don’t text within—”
“Yeah, I know, I know. Text you when I get on the bus stop, text you when I arrive at work, when I leave and when I’ve gotten home otherwise you’re calling the cops to report me missing or abused,” you stood up straight for a mock salute, brows furrowed in faux seriousness. “I know, ma’am. That’s drilled in my head already.”
“I’m serious. The world is a dangerous place!”
“Yes, I’ll text you!”
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Wednesdays couldn’t come sooner. But when it did, you were far too excited. You’d never tell anyone you took the extra time to fix your hair and spritz on just a tinge of perfume, not wanting to overwhelm the baby.
You shot up from your seat right after class ended, hair flying in the wind as you bolted to the bus stop. Wiping away the sweat on your forehead and fixing your clothes with a pat of your hand, you took a deep breath, chanting inner mantras that today would be a good at work. You’d be contributing to society by caring for a child that would soon be the light of the future, and you were more than honoured. Clearing your throat, you pressed on the bell, humming to yourself as you heard the light patters of footsteps inside.
“Hey, you’re here!” Jin smiled at you, one you reciprocated wholeheartedly, and he opened the door wider while you took off your shoes.
He was still dressed in his sweatpants and a white shirt, looking utterly domestic and different from your previous employers that would glare at you if you touched their kid without sanitizing your hand twice first. Jin was like a breath of fresh air to you – one you breathed in with glee while you followed him inside.
His house was kept neat and clean, surprising you even more at just how immaculate to detail he could be despite his busy schedule. Was it because he was an adult or a parent now that people his age were just more organized and put together?
Whatever it was, you trailed around Jin like a puppy, eager to learn from his ways.
“I told myself I’d only ask you to come around if I’m away for work but I’m working on a huge project and my client is very demanding. He’s asking me to pass it this week already and he just sent me his plans last night.”
“It’s okay...Jin,” you stuttered over calling him by his first name like that, “You can focus on your work. I’ll take care of everything else.”
“Thank you! Yuuji’s in his room, by the way. He’s just had dinner so he’s still energetic – you can pull up the cartoons and lounge in the living room. He’ll be fine,” he opened his mouth to say something else when his gaze darted to your book bag, eyes widening. “Oh wait, you brought your schoolwork—”
“I’m good! I’ve already finished them during my spare time! I promise you really don’t have anything to worry about!”
“Oh, that’s cool, I guess,” he calmed down at your words, scratching the back of his ear before gesturing to his door. “Well, I’ll be in my room if you need me. I get really occupied and focused though, so just open the door if I don’t open it right away.”
“Noted,” You wasted no time in picking up Yuuji from his crib afterwards. It seemed the little man didn’t quite like being imprisoned like that because he was babbling nonsensically, fists banging on the edges.
Upon seeing you enter his room, Yuuji’s babbles got louder, small chubby arms reaching out to your extended ones. His pacifier fell inside his crib as he pouted at you, and how could you resist? Soon, you were happily nestled onto the couch on the living room, his favourite cartoons playing on the background.
His head swayed side to side as the songs came along, while you watched him with tiny giggles. You wondered if maybe your first day at work would be eventless like this.
You really thought you’d run back and forth doing errands and changing diapers, but that was your old babysitting experience – things were obviously different with Jin and his son.
Yuuji was quiet, but Jin was right, he was clingy. Not an hour later into the show, he crawled to your sides and settled into your lap, tiny hands grabbing at your shirt. He sighed as his cheeks rested on your chest, though his eyes still glossed over the cartoon. You felt like your heart would burst at his affection, and you patted his back gently to lull him to sleep.
Eventually, Yuuji fell asleep. You hadn’t even noticed it was dark out already, the cartoons only playing through loop.
You scooped up Yuuji closer to your arms before shutting the TV off, making sure to be as quiet as you could be while you placed him back on his crib. Smiling at the angel, you patted his hair before leaving the room, knocking on Jin’s door at the end of the hallway instead.
When he didn’t respond after four knocks, you thought he’d fallen asleep until you remembered his note.
Shakily, you twisted the knob open, a small smile on your face when you saw him furiously sketching something on his paper. An empty cup of coffee laid beside his table, eraser shavings everywhere. His room smelled like soft laundry detergent with the faint aroma of white caramel coffee – smooth and sweet like him – and it felt almost wrong to be in such a space that was clearly so intimate of him.
Not wanting to disturb too much, you cleared you peered from behind the door sheepishly. “...Jin? Oh. Hello.”
“Hey,” he blinked at you then rubbed his eyes, staring at you for a solid minute before his mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape. “Is everything okay? Yuuji didn’t destroy something, did he?”
“No, he’s fast asleep. I just came here to say I’ll be going home now. It’s past midnight already.”
“It’s that late?” Jin glanced at his wristwatch and adjusted his glasses, fingers swiping up to retrieve his keys as he wore his coat. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you stay this late, and you have school tomorrow too,” he groaned tiredly, though the apologetic smile on his face easily concealed his exhaustion. “I’m really sorry I lost track of time. Come, I’ll drive you home, it’s not safe this dark out.”
“But Jin,” you froze in his hallway, “What about Yuuji?”
“Do you live far from here?”
“No, the dorms are like five minutes away,” Jin pondered about this information, possibly hesitating that maybe it wasn’t his best to leave his son alone. You appreciated the thought, you really did, but you were worried for Yuuji too so you smiled at him, nodding to assure that he didn’t have to. “Jin, it’s okay, I can just take the bus. I’ve been doing that for a long time now and I’m really okay.”
Jin clutched at his keys, the frown on his face evident. “At least let me walk you to the bus stop? So I know you’re safe?”
“Yeah, that’s fine, I guess.”
“Let me just get extra covers for Yuuji. It might be cold tonight,” You waited until he came out with Yuuji warmly bundled up in his arms. The two of you walked side by side, baby Yuuji fast asleep in his arms with his head covered in a small cap. You blushed at the thought that maybe people would think you looked like a family, but before these foolish imaginations could consume you, Jin beat you to it. “I haven’t thanked you properly for today, by the way. Let me make it up to you sometime – you look really tired.”
You flushed deep at his words, shaking your hands in front of you. “Oh no, it’s fine, really! I’m just doing my job.”
“Yes, but caring for someone else’s child – whether you’re paid or not – is still a very selfless act and I can’t thank you enough for it.”
You looked away from how warm his smile was despite the biting chill of the night, turning away to bury your chin in your neck instead. “You really don’t have to do anything. I’m just happy to help.”
“If you insist then,” Jin waved at you as much as he could without waking his son up as you hopped onto the bus, with you watching from the inside. “Get home safely! Text me when you’re home!”
“I will,” you mouthed through the window.
Jin and Yuuji disappeared from your sight after that. All the way back home, the warmth and butterflies swarming your stomach wouldn’t disappear. Even as you flopped on your bed, you still kept tossing and turning, the bright light of your screen glaring at you to just send the darned text already.
Hey...or maybe hello? He’s older though... How do older people even text each other? He wasn’t that much older, but still...it kind of felt inappropriate to address him too casually.
Deciding to just screw it, you pressed backspace and settled for the most boring text, hitting send and flattening on the bed with a groan. Who knew texting someone could be that mind-boggling? Sweat beaded at your forehead as you stared at the plain I’m home, sleep about to take over when your phone buzzed afterwards.
I’m glad to know you’re safe. Sleep well, Y/N.
Looking over at your slumbering roommate, you grabbed a pillow to bite it and muffle your screams, legs flailing beneath you as you read his text over and over again. It wasn’t even that special, but Jin had wished you well – the hardworking and sweet Jin – sending your heart into overdrive.
Your roommate didn’t stir one bit even as you giggled to yourself, punching the bed while you replayed the image of his smile, the feeling of how warm he was walking close to you like that and the sound of his soothing voice that just messed with you on the insides.
God, you had it bad – and yet, why did it feel so good?
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Babysitting had never been more fun. Even though the task was no longer new for you, you looked forward to working every single day. Your friends noticed your change in moods, but just downed it to the fact you were generally a cheerful person anyway and didn’t bother asking why, which you were thankful for because it wasn’t easy to admit it out loud you liked Itadori Jin, of all people.
Now that you looked back onto it, he wasn’t that special.
He was definitely the type of guy you easily overlooked in a train, but he would also be the type of guy who wouldn’t hesitate to give up his seat for someone else. It wasn’t like he was utterly interesting too since like you, his life was a bland routine of taking care of babies, working, holing up in his room to create something, drinking coffee as sweet and light as possible, then calling it a day and sleeping with a huge smile on their face, just thankful for another day.
Yes, he was simple. Yes, he might even be boring, but gosh, you had never liked someone so much.
You summed it down to him being kind and loving. Yes, that was all it was. While your friends flocked over to mysterious, dark guys like Fushiguro Toji and his friends, gossiping non-stop on how he supposedly had a hotter younger relative but were a lot shittier than he was, you were different. You were simple.
You liked soft, quiet guys who enjoyed the soft pit-patters of rain, the types of people who spent too much time in the library travelling across galaxies in their seat, and overall, you liked peaceful souls.
Jin was everything you ever admired – stable, simple, kind, affectionate. It was clear from how he was never shy to shower his baby with kisses and feed him with airplane spoons, using a small voice to baby talk his son. Every time you came around, you immediately felt welcomed into their happy home despite the lack of a maternal figure, and you found yourself wanting to be there a lot more often than you should.
It seemed that the heaven heard your prayers when your phone rang. Instinct kicked in, and you grabbed at your blaring phone, eyes wide when you read the contact name.
“Hello? Jin, what’s wrong?” Yuuji was crying in the background, accompanied with his father’s constant shushing and worried cooing.
“H-hi, I’m really sorry to bother you, I know it’s late, it’s just Yuuji won’t stop crying and my neighbours are mad at me because I can’t get him to calm down,” as if on cue, Yuuji only wailed louder. You could hear Jin’s desperate pleas for him to quiet down a little, with you dashing out of your bed and slinging your arms inside your coat. “Could you please come over? I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m on my way,” was all you said before hanging up. Minutes later, you’d entered their apartment thanks to the spare key Jin gave you, heart breaking as Yuuji’s wailings only got louder.
Jin’s shoulders visibly relaxed when you scooped his son into your arms, rocking back and forth as you pressed a palm flat on his forehead. He didn’t seem to be feverish or even warmer than usual, but he was definitely irritated, pushing away at your hands that laid on him.
“Yuuji, baby! What’s wrong, sweetheart? Something hurt anywhere?” you turned to Jin, “Is his diaper full?”
“I just checked, he didn’t poop,” Jin nibbled at his thumbnails, a quirk you didn’t expect he’d have with his seemingly put-together composed self. His son’s crying must’ve really bothered him because Jin wouldn’t stop pacing back and forth, Yuuji’s newly cleaned pacifier clenched between his fingers. “I gave him the teething rings too but he just dumped them to the side.”
Nodding, you tried poking at Yuuji’s stomach. The baby belly that should’ve been squishy was firm against your finger, the imaginary light bulb in your head going off.
“His stomach is a little tight. I think he’s got gas,” you informed Jin with a relieved smile, glad that it wasn’t as serious as you thought it would be. “We need to make him burp,” Patting at Yuuji’s back while Jin gently massaged Yuuji’s belly, prompting the boy to wail louder with his tiny arms banging both your chest, a big burp was finally released.
“Oh my gosh, he’s still crying.”
“It’s okay, Jin, he’ll be fine,” you reassured, smiling wide at baby Yuuji even though he couldn’t focus on you. “That’s right, sweetheart, you’re doing great. Just burp a little more and it won’t hurt so bad. It’s just gas, sweetie, you’re alright. I’ve got you.”
“B-but the neighbours...”
“Don’t mind them,” You didn’t mean for your words to come out harsh, but who could blame you? Yuuji was clearly in distress; the last thing you cared about was pleasing others. “They can plug in earbuds for all I care. Yuuji needs help,” at your words, Jin swallowed, resuming his ministrations of encouraging his son to burp.
Yuuji stilled for a moment before he resumed his crying. This time around, Jin was a lot calmer and focused as his hands rubbed at his son’s stomach. The burps came constant afterwards until Yuuji had enough, turning away from his father and burying his head on your chest. Small hiccups followed, but he’d calmed down, eyes shut tight from the previous discomfort.
“Are you feeling better now, baby? Tummy ache is gone?”
“He’s...not crying anymore...” Jin murmured in disbelief, his hands hovering above Yuuji’s belly.
“He’s still really red, though,” you frowned, hands brushing his bangs away from his forehead. It didn’t take long before Yuuji settled in, thumbs sucked into his mouth. Little whimpers could still be heard from the little guy, though nothing serious happened. You and Jin both sighed in relief. “I think he’s tired from crying. I’m going to go rock him for a bit,” Eyes flitting over to Jin’s face rigged with dark circles, you mustered a chuckle. “How about you, are you okay? You look half-dead,” you joked.
“He was in the crib next to me when he just started wailing out of nowhere,” Jin plopped down onto the sofa, his sweatshirt crinkled and sweatpants loose and comfortable as ever. “I was so scared that maybe something else was wrong.”
“Parenting is both a blessing and a hardship, huh?” you chided in, “Don’t worry. I still think you’re doing an amazing job at being a dad.”
“You’re quite amazing too. You’re a natural at this.”
You shrugged, unable to look Jin in the eye as you continued gently swaying side to side while Yuuji slept in your arms. “My parents were rarely around. They were too busy working to provide for all of us so I acted as the parental figure instead.”
“Your parents are really lucky to have you as a child – reliable and strong.”
“All I ever wanted was to make them proud,” you told him, looking far from the distance as you reminisced your old memories with your family. It felt so far away already – they felt far away – though you knew the love you had for one another still remained. “And I live a good life knowing they passed with no worries. My siblings are doing great, too, though we’ve all parted ways now. Some of them got adopted by our relatives and I’m...I’m here I guess.”
“I’m extremely sorry for your loss,” Jin’s voice was quiet, and when you looked back at him, you saw him smiling into his hands before turning to you, wearing that damned smile that always had your heart doing backflips. “You’re a really strong person, you know?”
Your cheeks flushed at his words. “Thank you. I think it’s all thanks to my parents,” you murmured; that slight pang of pain remained even after their death, though it wasn’t as awful as it used to be. The sting felt a lot calmer now, almost as if time slowly healed your heart back together. “After they passed from the car crash, I just knew I had to be strong for all of us. The pain and the hardship were worth the effort, though. All of us are happy and settled now.��
“That’s the one thing I’m most afraid of,” he confessed, frowning at the peaceful baby in your arms. “That I’ll have to leave my child before he’s ready to face the world by himself. I’m not...I could never be prepared for that.”
“As long as he knows you love him and you always will, I think Yuuji will always find his way in life,” Jin’s eyes widened, something unreadable glimmering behind those pretty eyes that had you feeling too many things all at once. Embarrassment and sudden shyness creeped all the way up to your spine along with exhaustion, and you gestured for him to move aside, heaving as you sat down next to him. “I’m really sleepy.”
“Please, let me hold – oh. He likes you more, I guess.”
You chuckled at his dejected face, the childish pout the exact replication of Yuuji’s. Yuuji refused to be held by his dad, burrowing himself into your warmth instead. “I’ve got a charm when it comes to children.”
“That you do,” he agreed absentmindedly.
Before any of you could realize what was going on, you’d fallen asleep on the couch. Yuuji was still safely nestled between your arms, while Jin’s head was tucked in your shoulder, soft breaths leaving those equally soft lips.
Oddly enough, when you woke up and noticed your current position, none of you found it weird. Jin only laughed at the way drool dried up at the end of your lips, to which you silently scolded him for as to not rouse Yuuji from his sleep. He didn’t move away from his position, eyes flicking over from yours to his son bundled up warmly, a smile tugging up at the ends of his lips.
“Uh... that was a long night.”
“Long night, indeed,” Jin nodded before standing up to stretch, exposing a sliver of smooth skin that made heat rush up to your face. You immediately looked away, heart pounding in your chest as Jin began to rummage through his kitchen. “It’s a Saturday so if you’re free...do you want to stay over for breakfast?”
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Something about that night kicked off the start of your...budding friendship with Jin. Yes, that’s exactly what it was, just friendship.
You knew there was no way he could ever see you the way you looked at him; not that you minded. Being in their presence and having Yuuji around was already a blessing itself, the days progressively getting better the more you worked for him.
It had become a routine that Jin would come home, exhaustion lining his eyes before he caught sight of you standing in the living room, reading books out loud while you carried a babbling Yuuji. You would laugh because it felt like Yuuji was trying to have conversation with you, to which you responded with reading terms even you had difficulty pronouncing. He’d only nod and keep saying nonsense, grubby hands reaching for the book you held.
He was so precious that you leaned down to kiss the top of his head every now and then, giggles pouring out from the tiny baby strawberry.
Jin took off his shoes, the happiness bursting through his chest unexplainable upon seeing that his son was happy and safe. Loosening the tie with one hand, he extended his arms wide open, running into your direction. “I’m home!”
“Yuuji, Daddy’s here!”
“How’s my sweet little boy doing?” The smile on Jin’s face was phenomenal and even dramatic as his son finally reached out to him, the babbles only getting louder as his dad peppered his cheeks with kisses. Yuuji still wanted to stay in your arms though, and Jin sighed when his son’s hands went back to grabbing at your book, though the chuckles he let out told you he wasn’t really dismayed about it. “Thank you for looking out for him again. Isn’t your arm tired from carrying him and studying like that?”
“No, I’m good. I’ve got really strong muscles,” you flexed your bicep, “Plus, it’s so comforting to carry an angel like Yuuji around. I feel like I’m going to pass my exams with ease!”
Not a moment later, you dropped your arm and turned away to hide your frown, brows pinched together. Jin, being the ever observant person he was, placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, his voice gentle and warm as he asked, “Is something wrong?”
“Well,” you began, “I couldn’t understand something and I’ve been going at it for days. Nothing makes sense to me,” with the effort of only one free hand, you flipped to the middle of the book. A headache began to form the moment you read the chapter title, making you cringe while Jin leaned closer for a better look at its contents. “Look at this chapter here. It’s so confusing!”
“Oh, I know this!” he pushed his glasses back up to his nose, grinning as he pulled out a chair before gesturing you to do so. “Okay, so this means...” 
Not even in your craziest dreams had you imagined you’d be sitting at Jin’s table like this, your legs touching from the lack of space as he rambled on excitedly about the lesson.
He would have animated gestures to explain the dynamics of this and that, both you and Yuuji staring at him in awe as he broke the chapter down into easier parts. It was still difficult to understand since your attention was mostly on the way his eyes brightened the more he talked about his passion for the subject, not to mention that Yuuji was also grabbing at both your faces.
It made you both laugh, the two of you simultaneously bending down to kiss either sides of his cheeks until Yuuji was squished between the both of you.
You laughed with Jin the moment you made awkward eye contact through the kiss, chests bursting with laughter before he proceeded back to the lesson. With each passing second, you were beginning to fall for him a lot more and on a deeper level – so much so that you told yourself you should be scared. Instead, your heart felt at home, calm and peaceful, almost as if it knew you were safe and welcomed.
This sudden revelation had you looking at him in an entirely different light. Jin looked...the same, but somehow warmer? Like he was bathed in a soft glow, the edges pink like his hair, and your hair melted at each and every word that poured from his lips.
When you excused yourself to go to the restroom, you were greeted by the sight of a nearly passed out Jin on the couch, baby Yuuji asleep on his arms.
Jin must be really tired from work. He hadn’t even changed out of clothes. It was getting late too – you needed to come back home soon.
“Jin. Jin, wake up.”
“Huh?” his eyes snapped open, arms instinctively tightening around Yuuji’s before he relaxed, smiling stupidly as he leaned back on his seat. “Oh, it’s you. Hi.”
“Hi,” you echoed, nails digging into your palm to resist the urge to wrap him in a hug; he looked like he needed it. Hands held out in front of you, you took Yuuji from him, slightly nudging his knee with yours. “I’ll take Yuuji to bed. You should go freshen up,” Jin groaned in agreement as he ran his hands through his hair, muttering something about being a parent meant not getting to sleep well. You chuckled at his statement, already moving to get the cups out from the pantry. “Do you want me to make you a cup of tea?”
“Yeah, that’ll be great, thank you.”
Jin disappeared into his room while you tucked Yuuji into bed, the both of you meeting later in the kitchen. He still looked terribly tired, though his smile was lively as ever when he joined you at the table. “Long day again?”
“It’s always a long day,” he confessed through a sip, “But all my worries wash away when I get to see how happy and healthy my son is. I’d work day and night just to provide a good life for him.”
“Don’t forget to spend time with him too, okay? Using the present to ensure your son’s future in exchange of not watching them grow up isn’t worth it,” you reminded him, slightly referring to how much you regretted not getting to be with your parents much until you completely lost the opportunity to do so again. Jin easily read your eyes, fingers grazing the edges of his cup as you continued, “He’s growing day by day. Promise me you’ll always be there for him, okay?”
“I promise,” though whispered, you heard it loud and clear, and you knew without a doubt he’d keep to his words.
After Jin washed his cup, you gathered your things and allowed him to walk you all the way to his apartment’s entrance, waving softly at you. “Get home safely, Y/N. Text me when you’re home.”
It was the perfect routine: go to school, go to work, fall in love with Jin and his son a lot more than you should be, and go home with his kind smile as the last thing you saw.
Each night before sleep completely overtook you, your phone would vibrate, the name of the man who had completely smitten your heart appearing and washing away all the previous tiredness you both accumulated through the day.
Good night, Jin. Rest well.
You too.
It was a routine you’d never get tired of.
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“Jin? Yuuji?” you gasped as Yuuji greeted you with bubbling laughter, his small arms slapping your cheeks while his dad giggled behind him. “What are you guys doing here?”
“Happy Birthday!” Jin greeted and finally showed his face after hiding from Yuuji’s buttocks. Your heart absolutely soared at the sight of the father and son duo wearing matching pink clothes, both of their bright smiles only adding to the warmth of the special day. No, actually, it became special because of them – the two people you adored most in this world. “Satoru texted me it was your birthday and it’s my day off too so I thought I’d drop by!”
Before you could respond, Jin huddled Yuuji closer to him, blinking at the audience you both managed to gather.  “I forgot you lived at a dorm, though...is it normal that people are looking us?”
“No, it’s not. They probably think I’m a young mom or something,” you flushed beet red at his words, silently glaring at the nosy onlookers whispering behind their backs. It wasn’t that you were ashamed people could assume that about you, it was just ironic since you actually wanted that to be real but it was embarrassing because you knew Jin wouldn’t see you that way. “Can you give me a few minutes to get ready? We should go somewhere else.”
“Okay, we’ll wait for you downstairs.”
You’ve never moved so fast in your life. Brushing your teeth, showering, and getting dressed in your best clothing were all achieved in the span of ten minutes. You felt proud of yourself as you hopped the stairs two steps down at a time, hair flying from behind you. It was clear you were too excited, but could anyone blame you? You never cared about your birthday, but Jin and Yuuji were here! Of course this was going to be a special day.
You froze at the end of the stairs, the drumming of your heart too wild to tame. Jin was blowing kisses into Yuuji’s belly, the baby’s gleeful laughter painting the walls.
He must’ve felt your stare burning holes at the back of his head because Jin turned your way, Yuuji pressed into his chest as he walked towards you. You were once again blown away by his sweet scent, a mix of gentle laundry detergent and something was just so Jin.
“Hey there,” he smiled, knocking the wind out of your lungs with just two words. “I didn’t have anything cool planned for today since I wasn’t prepared but I know this nice restaurant you might really like. It’s going to be my treat!”
“Oh thanks, but my friends already fed me enough with pizza and cake. Is it okay if we just take a walk around somewhere?”
“Yeah, of course!” Grabbing his arm to pull him away from prying eyes, you walked out of the campus, extending your arms to celebrate your freedom once the warm sunshine kissed at your skin, the cool wind soothing you afterwards. Jin laughed at your carefree expression, watching as you twirled and danced a little at the peace provided to you by the park. “Happy Birthday again! So how’s it feel like being a year older?”
“I feel like nothing’s changed, but at the same time nothing is the same too,” you told him through a laugh, “Does that make sense?”
“Totally. When I first got Yuuji, I didn’t think anything changed too, but now I can’t imagine a life without this little guy.”
Your adrenaline rush had worn down.
Walking side by side with Jin, arms brushing from the lack of proximity even though the area was practically empty, it dawned on you that Jin had lived an entire life before you, and you couldn’t stop yourself from asking: “Do you...do you still think about her sometimes? His mom?”
Jin was silent for a moment. The sudden stretch of nothingness had anxiety crawling at you hard enough you were about to apologize for asking such a sensitive question, but Jin only smiled at you, although his smile was...sad, regretful, even.
“His mom and I didn’t work out,” he began. “I always knew she had some family issues when we began dating in college, but I didn’t think too much of it. Back then, all I knew was that I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her, so we eloped. Her parents didn’t like it, of course, and they demanded we brought her back,”
“She was pregnant at that time so I refused to let her see her family again knowing how toxic they were to her. But they insisted, and...and she wasn’t the same after that. She just started looking at me differently and hating the growing child inside of her,” Jin kissed the top of Yuuji’s head as he spoke, almost as if silently reminding his son he was loved no matter what.
“When Yuuji was born, she couldn’t even look at him; said she refused to be a mother and to cut ties with me. So we divorced and...well, I don’t know, to be honest. Last time I heard, she’d already remarried in such a short time – to a man her family approved of this time around.”
“Do you still love her?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted with a chuckle, eyebrows furrowed while Yuuji clutched at the collar of his turtleneck sweater, his doe eyes staring right up at you. “Do we ever really stop loving someone?”
Your heart fell at his words. So maybe he still did love her. You always knew you might never get a chance – but surely wishing for it wasn’t such a crime. “Does that mean you won’t fall in love with anyone else anymore?”
“Who would like a nerdy single dad like me?” Jin threw his head back in laughter, the disbelief apparent in his voice. It shocked you that he thought of himself this way, because in your eyes, he was perfect. “Plus, I’m too busy to date. Other than you, I don’t really hang out with women all that much, and you’ve seen in my worst state – like that one time I nearly went to work wearing the wrong tie or with my glasses skewed. I don’t think I’m the type people would want to date.”
“Well, who knows?”
“Yeah, who knows?” he mimicked your shrug, still painfully oblivious that you wore your heart on your sleeve.
Once the sun had completely shied away from the clouds and the heat grew too much for Yuuji, you both resorted to going back to his apartment. Yuuji was happily playing on the ground as he smashed his toys together, while you and Jin wore matching aprons (you didn’t ask why he had two) as you mixed the batter and he preheated the oven.
“I’m still sorry I couldn’t get to buy you a cake, by the way. But we have all the ingredients here and a homemade cake is always amazing!” Instead of smiling at his words, Jin was met with your glossy eyes, lips trembling. You’d completely stopped mixing the batter, no longer in control of yourself as you watched him happily skip back and forth to the ingredients.
Jin rushed to your side in a flash, hands hovering before you. He couldn’t really touch you since he had flour all over his skin, a smidge of it right under his worried gaze. “What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Nothing. It’s just...I’ve never really experienced this before. Having someone invite me to their home and bake me a cake for my birthday,” you looked down on the ground, feeling the emotional dam inside you starting to crack. “When I was young, I never even cared about my birthday because I was too busy tending after my siblings. After that, I forgot all about it and I was only surprised when my friends brought me gifts today,” You knew you were rambling, and you waved your hands in front of yourself, forcing yourself to smile. “I’m sorry – I’m being dramatic, aren’t I?”
“Hey, no, you’re not,” Suddenly, Jin pulled you into a hug, your body fitting perfectly in his arms. “I want you to know you’re family to us now. You’re always welcome here with me and Yuuji. We’ll take care of each other like family. We’ll bake you all the cakes you want from now on.”
The rest of his words were drowned out by the thumping of your chest.
You couldn’t hear him, couldn’t even properly see him – in that moment, all you could do was feel. You felt his warm breath ghosting over the column of your neck, his calloused hands patting gently at your back, the heat of his body seeping into yours that pulling away seemed to be such a daunting task. He felt like home, smelled like all the sweetness you lacked in your life, and you just knew you had to tell him.
“Jin. There’s something I have to tell you.”
“Yes?”
“I,” your breath shuddered, hands coming up to clutch at the material of his shirt. “I’m in love with you.”
Just like that, the string broke.
Jin pulled away from you faster than you could comprehend. When you opened your eyes, he was already at an arm’s length away from you, nothing but the sounds of your heart shattering into pieces muddling with his words.
His back dipped into a low bow. “I am extremely sorry; I cannot accept your feelings. It’s not that you’re not loveable; it’s just...you’re my son’s babysitter and I believe this is really inappropriate. Yuuji is vulnerable still and the last thing I want to do is date when I should be focusing on his life instead. I’m really sorry, Y/N. I don’t see nor do I feel that way for you.”
Hurt. Broken. Humiliated. Ashamed. Torn.
A plethora of feelings crashed over you all at once until breathing became such a hard thing to do, his words replaying like a broken record in your head.
He didn’t love you.
He didn’t feel the same way.
And it made sense – because why would he? “Yeah, oh my gosh!” you exclaimed while waving your hands frantically in front of your face, your unexpected enthusiasm causing Jin to peer up at you curiously under his lashes. “I mean, of course, I knew that already, duh. I’m not stupid, but like, yeah I’m really sorry, I’m probably making you so uncomfortable right now. I’m really, really sorry.”
“You’re not, I assure you,” he smiled gently again, but this time around, you weren’t soothed. It felt totally humiliating. Your toes curled inside your socks as your forced smile froze on your face in hopes of not making this any weirder than it already was, and you only chuckled as Jin cleared his throat. “I hope we can still be friends after this and that we can keep our professional relationship,” you nodded eagerly, a little too eagerly, and Jin awkwardly gestured to the pans. “So...a cake is waiting to be baked.”
“Yeah, let’s get to baking!”
If Jin noticed that you were a lot more enthusiastic than you were this morning, he didn’t comment about it. He hummed under his breath in agreement, the both of you working synchronously.
You’ve been in his house long enough that you knew where all the pans and ingredients were, silently handing things over one another through a forced polite conversation of how the other’s day went. A pat on your back was well deserved from how you managed to keep up with his questions, your broken heart perfectly concealed under forced smiles and dry chuckles.
In reality, you couldn’t focus.
On the inside, you were shattered. Why did you have to fall for him out of all people? There could’ve been so many others – like Fushiguro Toji from Biology, Gojo Satoru the playboy, Suguru Geto the heir of his large corporation – but it had to be Itadori Jin.
He was so close and yet out of reach, seemingly so unattainable that your lips had dried from how often you licked at them in an attempt to keep the tears in.
You knew you ruined everything. Soon, you’d have to say goodbye to baby Yuuji, no longer able to kiss him on top of his head and see him smile the moment you walked through the door, his dad equally alight upon seeing you got Yuuji a stuffed toy as a gift.
You were stupid for thinking you could even be part of this family. They were happy and fine enough – what role did you have here?
Compared to an actual working adult who’d already experienced many things in life like Jin, you were just a flimsy, lovesick little girl who was only learning how to love. And with loving, came the guaranteed promise of heartbreak.
You just never expected it would be this way.
As Jin turned his back to you to place the batter inside the oven, your hands shook, desperately wiping the sweat of your palms on your jeans. “Excuse me for a minute,” you dashed to the bathroom, locking yourself and finally allowing the broken gasps to leave your lips.
Your back was laid flat on the wall, your shirt tucked in your mouth as you slapped your thigh, the tears streaming endlessly down your cheeks.
You didn’t want to leave him. You wanted to stay longer, wanted to be able to see his face every waking morning and to make him tea while he made breakfast. You wanted to watch Yuuji grow up and hold hands with Jin, to tell him you would love him if he allowed you. But he didn’t – and it hurt so much that your eyes grew red from the incessant crying.
It was better to just leave than to be kicked out. You couldn’t stay here any longer.
So you wiped your tears away, dunking water to your face before you rushed out the room, bag slung across your shoulder. Yuuji stopped playing as he watched you wear your shoes in frantic movements, your heart bursting through with pain.
You didn’t dare look Jin in the eye.
“Hey, Jin, I’m so sorry – my friends called. They’re inviting me out for drinks tonight and I can’t say no.”
“But...the cake.”
“Yeah, you can eat it yourself, I’m really sorry to bother but uhm, anyways, BYE!” Left confused, Jin stared at the door slammed shut hard enough that Yuuji fell to the floor in surprise, small whines leaving his lips.
Jin couldn’t tell whether his son cried because you’d left them, or he was simply afraid of the sound. Whatever it was, the sinking feeling in his stomach was much too clear.
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The next few days were hell. Your friends noticed the sudden drop in your mood, the loss of appetite, and the fact that you were clearly sleep-deprived.
How could you get sleep when your phone wallpaper was Yuuji kissing your cheeks, his dad laughing in the background? How could you sleep when your textbook still lay on your desk, a painful reminder of that time Jin had tutored you? How could you sleep when Wednesdays and Fridays had returned to its normal mundane self with nothing left to look forward to?
You couldn’t tell your friends about it either. All they knew was that you hadn’t been going to work because you came up with a flu, when in reality you’d been buried under your sheets, desperately ignoring the loud silence of your phone.
No texts. No calls. No how are you’s or how are you doing?
Not that you expected him to care since you did step out of line; you’d been completely unprofessional and Jin might not recommend you to future works anymore, though that was the least of your worries.
You just wanted to forget everything. His smile, his laughter, his kindness, the sound of his voice and how he always smelled like sweet vanilla.
Crying yourself to sleep and wishing each day would come to an end faster was absolutely exhausting. The lack of sunlight caused you to be groggy and gray – if you kept up at this state, you’d completely wither like a dried sunflower. You didn’t want to go out but your mini fridge was empty, stomach loudly grumbling for food.
You sighed as you closed the door, unkempt hair up in a bun and body adorned with an oversized shirt and the sweatpants you’ve refused to wash for two days now.
You were a mess – both on the inside and the outside – and your eyes lacked their usual warmth. Your movements mimicked that of a robot as you straggled to the nearest convenience store, about to enter when you heard someone cry out.
“Mama!”
Hands frozen on the door, your eyes widened before your head craned to the sound of rushed footsteps. In front of you was a panting Jin, a wailing baby Yuuji in his arms who only cried louder once he set his eyes on you. Jin gasped for air, and you both moved in sync, with you reaching out for baby Yuuji and him handing his child over to you.
“Y/N, I’m so sorry! Yuuji’s first word was Mama and I didn’t know what he meant but then he started crying and clutching the strawberry toy you got him and I’m so sorry, he just won’t stop crying. He kept looking for you.”
“No, I’m the one who should apologize!” you replied back, adding a bounce to your step to cradle Yuuji who’d buried his damp face onto your neck, crying mama over and over again.
Memories of meeting Jin for the first time and his reminder that he didn’t want Yuuji calling you that nearly made you kneel down in apology, but you opted for a slight bow, your hot tears trailing down your face because you missed him, but it was all messed up and seeing him once more only dug a deeper crater in your heart.
Before you completely left each other’s lives, you at least wanted to apologize.
“I realized my mistake and made it so weird for the both of us. Plus, Yuuji didn’t say Dada and I think that’s my fault. I swear I wasn’t trying to replace his mom or anything, I just—”
“I love you too,” he cut you off, and your eyes snapped from the ground back to his flustered face.
“What?”
“I’m sorry for lying that I don’t feel the same way,” he confessed, scratching the back of his neck while his ears flushed a deep red. “The truth is, my father always told me that Yuuji’s mom wasn’t a good person and I should stay away from her, but I never listened. A-and I always talked to him about Yuuji’s new babysitter and how kind you were and how I think I’m falling for you. He said I should man up and tell you but I was just afraid to love again since I’ve fallen before and I don’t want to be hurt again,” Jin bowed to you in a perfect angle, his son now at peace in your arms. “I’m sorry.”
“Jin,” you breathed out, the tears prickling at the back of your eyes. You couldn’t believe this was happening – you wanted to embrace him, to kiss him, hold him, but you’d been so engrossed in your own heartbreak you never even thought about Jin’s fears. “I’d never hurt you or Yuuji.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for hurting you like that,” he straightened up, feeling you stiffen under him when his arms wrapped around you. He felt so warm, and you felt so at place that your tears damped his sweatshirt, Jin’s hands gently caressing your waist. “Is it okay if we come back home?”
You cried louder than you ever did your whole life, though this time it was mixed with laughter. Jin laughed with you as you encircled your free arm around his neck to pull him closer, your lips eager as you littered kisses over his neck.
“Yes, of course,” you giggled, “You don’t even have to ask.”
You only ever wanted a job as a babysitter to make ends meet – falling in love was out of the equation – but with the magic presented right in front of you, you weren’t going to push it away, and neither did Jin. This time, you embraced each other wholeheartedly, pink hearts floating in the air while the strawberry-haired baby giggled in your presence, delighted that now his family was whole.
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