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nothoughtsonlynat · 3 years

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Resurrect Me (N.R.)

Warnings: swearing; death; Hell/the Underworld; cliff jumping lol

Word Count≈ 3.1k (yikes lol my bad)

Hecate一 the goddess of magic, witchcraft, the night, the moon, ghosts, and necromancy. Known to be an intricate mosaic of good and evil, destruction and beauty. Capable of granting wishes, summoning the dead, resurrections, teleportation, warping realities on unfathomable scales, mind control, energy manipulation, and any sorcery or magic known to the Gods. Second only to Zeus himself.

I am the human embodiment of Hecate. I am not Hecate; she merely resides in the depths of my soul and provides me guidance. We do not communicate through words; she speaks through dreams and gut feelings, and sometimes even through signs in the outside world. I have not mastered the powers she’s granted me, nor have I reached my full potential. In addition to the Goddess’ powers, I hold the basic Olympian powers, such as superhuman speed and stamina. I have no recollection of how I merged with Hecate or the life I lived before this point, and she has provided me with no answers, but I do not question her motives.

Agent Phil Coulson came across me in my temple in Turkey. Apparently, he had discovered strange energy readings coming from the temple. When he arrived, I used the power of energy manipulation to blow the concrete off of me, and that is the first thing I remember一 emerging from underneath Hecate’s temple.

I joined the Avengers during the Battle of New York. Agent Coulson had recommended me to Fury when he was piecing together the Avengers Initiative. In the three years between my awakening and the invasion, I practiced my sorcery mercilessly and studied Hecate deep in the Greek countryside. I’ve stuck with the Avengers throughout the years, fighting every battle alongside them. Through the ups and downs, I’ve fallen head over heels for Natasha Romanoff. One would assume that with so much power, I’d be confident and have any mortal begging at my feet. That couldn’t be any more inaccurate, however. As I’ve said, I am not Hecate; I am simply the human embodiment of the goddess. And as a human, I turn into a blushing, stuttering mess whenever the levelheaded assassin is near. Consequently, there have been many years of pining, but I’ve yet to muster up the courage to ask the woman on a date.

In our most recent war, we’ve gone up against a mad titan一 Thanos. We lost terribly. Half of all living things inhabiting the universe were snapped away. I can’t help but ponder whether things would’ve gone differently if I had better mastered my powers. I potentially hold all the capabilities of the goddess of magic; aside from Zeus, I hold more power than any being to ever exist. I’ve practiced my sorcery every day for the past five years on the off chance that we ever get a rematch一 a chance to bring everyone back. I’ve improved significantly, but Hecate has been oddly quiet for the past few years. It’s driving me crazy. I know she’s still there, but she hardly provides an ounce of guidance.

And so, that is where I find myself now一 practicing sorcery in the room specifically designed to isolate me when I use dark magic. Everyone who has access to the training section of the compound knows that they should never enter this room. It is far too dangerous for regular mortals. As I warp the room’s reality, a dark mist envelops me. When it clears, the room has changed into a 50s ballroom. I look down to see an elegant maroon ball gown covering my body, and I scan the empty area. I hear a pair of heels clicking toward me, and I spin around, already panicking. In order for someone to be here with me, they would have to be an inhabitant of the location’s true reality. My eyes land upon the woman I’ve grown to love, dressed up for the event. She is wearing an extravagant light blue ball gown, and her hair is carefully done up.

“Natasha? What are you doing here?”

“Why I came to dance with you, of course.” She steps closer and drapes her arms around my neck, swaying to the nonexistent music. Stay calm. Don’t panic. There’s no way I’m making her do this. I’m not even doing anything! Of course I’m the one making her do this, who else would it be?! Breathe in. Breathe out. My powers don’t control me. I control them. Just breathe. I can do this. I know how to do this.

As I focus on the magic coursing through my veins, a black mist envelops us, and the room returns to its original form一 a basic training room with black padded walls. I immediately take a large step back from Natasha.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Natasha?! You know you can’t come in here! I could’ve seriously hurt you!”

“I...I’m sorry. I thought you’d just be moving shit with your mind. I didn’t realize you could do...that, whatever that was.”

“That was reality manipulation. I didn’t know you were here and I don’t have full control of it, so you got caught up in it. Are you okay? Do you remember it?”

“Yeah, I remember it clear as day. I was still me and I was still in control, it was just...different, I guess.”

“Well, I literally warped your reality, so even if you felt in control, you might not have been.”

“You stopped it, though. I remember when that seemed impossible. You’re getting better.”

“Thanks, I guess.” I awkwardly scratch the back of my neck. “What did you come in here for in the first place?”

“This is gonna sound crazy, but Scott Lang is here. We might have a way to bring everybody back.”

“Wait, what? Holy shit. It’s happening. Okay, come on then!” I eagerly walk past her, grabbing her hand as I pass her, and we leave my training room. I realize that I’m still holding her hand as we make it to the meeting room, and I immediately drop it, clearing my throat. If I wasn’t so familiar with the sensation, then I would swear that my ears and cheeks are on fire.

<//>

We all step onto the platform in matching white and red time-travel suits. “We’re really doing this?”

“Hell yeah, we’re doing this,” Clint answers.

“Alright, then. We bring everybody back,” I say with determination. “Whatever it takes,” Steve adds.

“See you in a minute,” Natasha adds with a smirk. Before I can appreciate how beautiful she looks with the glimmer of hope in her eyes, we’re flying through a flurry of colors. Nebula, Natasha, Rhodey, Clint, and I land on Morag. We all say our respective goodbyes before Nat, Clint, and I get on a jet to head to Vormir.

<//>

“A soul for a soul.”

“What? That’s insane. Look, no offense, Mr. Bloody Tampon, but why should we just trust what you’re saying? Because you know their fathers’ names?”

“I didn’t.” I looked into Natasha’s eyes as she spoke and I instantly wish that I could replace the dull sadness with the bright hope that had filled them before.

“He doesn’t know my father’s name. If he’s some mystical being, then why can’t he tell me that?” I turned to face him as I asked the question.

“I’m afraid you are a mystery. I am meant to know everything about any being who seeks the stone, but I know nothing of your identity.”

“Hm. Seems like a load of bullshit to me,” I deadpanned.

“We need to do this. We need to bring everyone back. I’ve spent the past five years trying to reverse the snap, and now I finally know how to fix it. Let me do it.” As Natasha spoke, she grabbed both of my hands in hers.

“And I’ve spent every day for the past five years training to do this. I wasn’t just practicing sorcery and talking to dead people for fun, Nat. All I wanted was to do better一 to fix this. If anyone is jumping off that cliff, it’s gonna be me.”

“No. Absolutely not. Neither of you is dying for that stone. I’ve done horrible things these past few years. I’ve killed...so many people. It should be me,” Clint says, and Natasha and I turn to face him, but one of her hands remains in mine.

“No way in hell, Clint. And not you either, Nat. Both of you guys have families. You’re not sacrificing yourselves. I won’t let you. And you can’t stop me even if you try.” Nat gives me a questioning look as I mention her family and I speak in her head ‘I know about them, Nat. And they need you. She needs her big sister.’

“What are you saying?” I can hear the anxiety lacing Nat’s words, and it causes a pit to form in my stomach.

“I think you know what I’m saying, Natty.”

“Then you don’t leave me much of a choice.” She shoots a Widow’s Bite toward me, but I stop it using energy manipulation without even having to lift a finger.

“You can’t beat me, Nat. Please, don’t fight me on this.”

“I call bullshit.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Clint running toward the edge while we’re distracted, and I teleport in front of him, throwing him backward. I use mind control to force him to stay down. I sense Natasha running toward the edge behind me, and I teleport in front of her. I use energy manipulation to keep her in place, and I grab onto her biceps.

“I’m really sorry, Nat. I hate that I’m doing this to you, but I can’t let you throw yourself off a cliff for some stupid stone. Your life is worth so much more than that. You’re an amazing person, and your ledger was cleared of its red so long ago. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.”

“This is sounding an awful lot like a goodbye.”

“You can be sarcastic all you want, but I’m not walking out of this one, Natty.”

“Don’t do this. The team needs you.”

“No, they don’t, Nat, and we both know it. They need you.”

“And what if I need you?!”

“Well if that’s the case, you’ll figure it out, just like you always do. Don’t let something like this hold you back. Goodbye, Natasha Romanoff.” I kiss her cheek before turning around. I start walking towards the edge, but it quickly turns into a sprinting pace as I hear Nat screaming for me to stop. Just before I reach the edge, I lift the mind control from Clint and I release Nat, just in case it doesn’t automatically lift when I die. I push myself off the cliff, turning mid-jump so I’m not facing the ground. As I’m falling through the air, I see Clint holding Nat in his arms as her screams fill my ears. I hit the ground and everything goes black.

<//>

“Hello, y/n. It’s good to see you again.” I sat up and一 what the hell is that smell? “Ah, yes. That would be burning flesh. Welcome to Hell, darling.”

“Uh...what? Who are you?”

“Yes, I suppose I should explain, hm? I am Hecate, Goddess of一”

“Yeah, I know what you’re the goddess of. How did I get here?”

“I thought you were smarter than this. You died, obviously.”

“And went to Hell? Damn.”

“Oh, relax. Hell isn’t what the mortals think it is. This is the Underworld. All of the dead reside here. The bad people get punished, the good people don’t. Simple as that. We don’t have a lot of time, so I need to explain. I am cursed; I cannot leave the Underworld. However, my human embodiment can, and that is where you come into play. You hold all my power, and I can see you’ve been practicing, but you’ve never lived up to your full potential.”

“Hey! Rude!”

“Don’t interrupt. I didn’t allow you to live up to your full potential, not until we met, anyway.”

“And I had to die in order for that to happen?”

“Yes. I’m giving you all of my power, but I can still stop you if I ever need to. I know you don’t want to risk hurting the people you love, especially the redhead, but you need to trust yourself. Trust your powers. Have a little faith. You are a goddess, remember. Don’t let people forget it. That purple thumb is nothing compared to you, even with his colorful rocks. Your family needs you now. You must help them.”

“That’s it? Why do they need help? How will I know what to do?”

“I will always be there to help you, Y/N. You can handle this. This is nothing. You are part of me, just as I am part of you. You are my daughter, after all. I should know your capabilities better than anyone.”

“Wait, daughter?!”

“Oh, did I forget to mention that part? Oh well, it doesn’t matter right now, anyway. You need to go.”

“Go where?”

“Home, darling.”

The earth above us cracks open and I can hear faint sounds of fighting on the surface. I look at Hecate as she nods. Before I even realize I’m doing it, black mist surrounds my body and lifts me through the crack. I step out of the mist onto the ground and a staff appears in my right hand. I tap it once on the ground and my white suit is replaced by an all-black leather outfit that’s definitely made for a goddess. I smirk and make eye contact with the titan across the battlefield. His sickly creatures race toward me as they notice the new threat on the field. I summon an army of ghouls from the cracks in the earth. As the aliens and the undead clash, I teleport in front of Thanos.

“And who might you be, dear?” He acts confident, but I can sense his fear.

“I am Y/N, daughter of Hecate.” He tilts his head in a questioning manner. “Oh, did someone not study mythology? Hm, then let’s be blunt, shall we? I’m a goddess, ass-chin.” I throw my staff at his throat, but he catches it. He moves to swing his large sword at me, but I capture his arm in black mist. When he tries to move the other arm, I restrain that one, as well. “Well, that surely can’t be all you’ve got, hm? Pity, I thought it’d be more exciting than that.” If I were to look in a mirror at that moment, I would’ve noticed my ghostly pale skin, black eyes, and the raw power spreading through my veins like a black road-map.

“It’s not over yet, my dear child.” Before I can question the meaning of his words, an alien tosses him the gauntlet. It slides on his exposed hand, but I hold it open with dark magic. I look around and notice that the army of the undead is nowhere to be seen. My teammates are pinned down, even with the help of those who were snapped. There is a feeling in my gut and a voice in my head that tells me what I must do. I pull the gauntlet off his hand with black mist and slide my hand inside. I feel the power surging into my body. “What are you doing? That power will kill you!” Thanos sounds truly desperate.

“That’s cute. Truly, it is, but you can’t kill someone who’s already dead.” I close my hand and snap my fingers. His army fades to dust and he slumps to the ground before floating away with them. I drop the gauntlet to the ground and look around. Natasha runs toward me and throws her arms around my neck in a firm hug.

“Wha一what happened to you? How are you here? I thought you died!”

I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder before saying, “I did die. I am dead.”

She pulls away and looks at me from head to toe. “Well that explains why you’re so damn pale, but now I have so many more questions.”

“I am Hecate’s daughter, so I am technically a goddess, like her. I’m not sure if I was technically resurrected or not, but I can probably一”

She cut me off with a gentle yet passionate kiss. She pulls away and searches my eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time,” she admits.

“Me too,” I breathe out.

“Yeah, I picked up on that. You’re not very discrete.” I laughed and a smirk spread across her face. “As sexy as this whole ‘powerful goddess’ thing is, am I going to get the old you back? You know, the one who blushes whenever I look at her? The one who’s, like, alive?”

I smile at her and glance down at her lips as a thick black mist appears behind me. I step backward into it as her face morphs into a look of confusion. She disappears from sight as a wall of black fills my vision, and a surge of power spreads throughout my body. I fall to my knees and the black cloud disappears. Natasha rushes over and kneels in front of me. “Are you okay? What the hell was that?”

“I’m not entirely sure, but I think I’m alive again.” I lift my head and meet her eyes.

“Your skin isn’t crazy pale anymore, and your eyes are their normal color again.”

“Sweet.”

“Cool.”

We both crack up and I lean my forehead against hers as our laughter fades.

Tony interrupts our moment of peace. “This is all good and dandy, but does someone wanna explain what the hell just happened?”

I raise my head and look at my teammates一 my family. “I kicked the purple thumb’s ass. That’s what happened.” I can feel a warm presence in my heart, and I know that my mother is with me.

“Yes, yes, I noticed. I also noticed a bunch of demons. Care to explain that one?”

“They weren’t demons...they were just...the souls...of dead people. I can summon the dead. You knew that.”

“Uh, I definitely didn’t know that.” I laugh and shake my head at the eccentric man.

I stand up, pulling Natasha with me, and bring her into another embrace. “I’m really glad you’re okay, Natty,” I whisper in her ear before pressing a delicate kiss to her temple.

A/N: I literally had this completely finished and edited over a month ago and I hadn’t posted it yet soooooo... idk here it is

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff fic #natasha one shot #black widow #black widow x reader

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lov3nerdstuff · 3 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 6.11}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.5k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

It was that time of the year again before Robin knew. As always, christmas had approached fast and suddenly rather than steadily, but the festive spirit had been long evident throughout the entire month of December. The holidays this year looked a little different than usual though; Cas had been asked by a fifth year student to attend the new year's ball with him, upon which she spontaneously had decided to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays. Robin had offered to take Jorien to the ball as her plus one, but the girl had decided to just go home as planned. So it was just Cas and Robin who would attend the ball this year.

Honestly, Robin felt weary of the boy who had asked Cas out. He seemed nice enough at the first glance, but something about him was ringing an alarm bell in the back of her mind. Cas obviously didn't care about Robin's words of warning, saying how she at least had a date for the ball, which probably should've hurt Robin more than it did. After this rather uncomfortable conversation however, she had decided to keep her concerns to herself, but an eye on Cas nonetheless. She didn't want her to get hurt, not even by something that, to her, was so ridiculously irrelevant as teenage drama. Because she knew that to Cas, it wasn't irrelevant at all.

The last day of the year came, and before long Robin thanked herself for actually bothering to invest in a dress this year. And she foremost thanked herself for having the endurance last summer to actually make an effort and not just get the first best one in Diagon Alley, which would've merely been a differently coloured version of what pretty much all of the other girls wore (with a few honorable exceptions, of course). No, Robin had made the decision to go with her own taste rather than the attempt to fit in, and she still stood behind it to the fullest.

Cas on the other hand had about five different dresses lying on her bed and was desperate to pick one, which did not even come as a surprise to Robin. The girl's love for fashion had exploded rather than faded, and while Robin had no idea why Cas had packed so many pretty dresses unaware that she would be attending the ball, it also didn't particularly surprise her.

"You should wear the dark blue one." Robin commented from her seat on her own bed, while she unsuccessfully tried to untangle her hair. "It reminds me of the nightsky. And who doesn't love the night?"

"Most people don't, actually." Cas sighed in exaggerated despair. "I was thinking about the peach coloured one with the ruffles."

"You're the fashion guru." Robin shrugged. "But I think darker colours are more classy. And the ball is very classy, most of the time. Or trying to be anyway."

"Classy or stuffy?"

"A bit of both, perhaps. Foremost, it is entirely what you make of it."

"In that case, I'll wear the peach coloured one." Cas decided with a more or less determined expression. "What about you? We're gonna be late if you don't get started at once!"

"Well, I don't have an entire wardrobe of dresses to pick between. I showered and sorted out my hair; I'll literally be done within five minutes from this point on."

"What about makeup? What about hairstyles?! What about shoes?!" Cas asked in return, incredulous about Robin's lack of enthusiasm about these things. "Seriously, aren't you gonna make any effort at all?"

"As you said, I don't have a date anyway. Nobody expects me to make an effort." Robin shrugged in return, unbothered by her roommate's comments. "And since you obviously didn't see me for the last few years, I will kindly let you know that putting on an actual dress this year IS me making an effort."

"I cannot believe you. I just cannot believe you…" Cas rolled her eyes as she muttered to herself, but then went ahead to get ready herself and leave Robin reading on her bed in peace for the next hour and a half. That's how long it took Cas to go through all of her extensive preparations and procedures, and Robin thought it was admirable how much effort she put into this indeed.

Finally, twenty minutes before the ball would begin and while Cas was still in the bathroom making 'last minute' adjustments to her colorful eye makeup, Robin got up from her bed with a sigh, put her book down and dug her dress out of her trunk at last. Like most things she bought these days, it was almost entirely black, but for the silver ornamentations and spiky flowers sewed onto the shoulders. Everything from the waist down was flowing black fabric, as was the long pieces that attached to the shoulders instead of sleeves, billowing down the arms like a backless cape. That precisely was also what made it difficult to put on, without stepping onto the piles of fabric that however barely brushed the ground once she pulled it up. The neckline came in high at the sides, almost high enough to cover up her scar, while the front was curved into a low V shape, that had always reminded Robin of spades. The solid black of the simple corset made up for the detailing on the shoulders and the heavy billowing fabrics of the skirt, and its snug fit and the thick fabric were comforting rather than confining to her. For once, Robin actually felt powerful through wearing a mere piece of clothing. And while perhaps she might not fit in with the other students, she definitely would with the professors.

"Bloody hell!" Cas suddenly exclaimed, and Robin jumped in return, twirling around to face the girl who spoke on in the meanwhile. "How dare you looking that gorgeous?!"

Robin's face heated up in an instant, and even though it was Cas she was talking to, she couldn't help being flustered. "Uh, thanks, I guess."

"I mean, I still stand with my statement that you shouldn't wear so much black, but good gracious… that dress is a piece of art. And it just screams 'Robin' to me, so you actually did pick well for once!"

"Don't sound so surprised." Robin rolled her eyes, while she had to smile nonetheless. "But thank you anyway. I wanted to look like myself tonight, and not like I dressed up as someone I'm not."

"But dressing up as someone you're not for one night is the entire point of it!" Cas replied with a grin, then dimmed it down to a smile. "But I understand you, and I think you look exactly like yourself. Just more beautiful than usual."

"Thanks…" Robin scoffed in humour, torn between sarcasm and honesty, and thus settled for both. "Again."

"So tell me, who do you wanna impress with that dress?" Cas quirked an eyebrow at Robin, smirking while she observed her closely. "And don't tell me no one, because I know you, and you wouldn't have made an effort just for yourself."

"Everyone." Robin answered instead, deeming it just as not-saying as 'no one'. Meanwhile, she tried to find a place to store her wand, which was turning out to be an actual problem now. No sleeves, no real sleeves at least, and no hemlines or pockets. Great. Then however an idea struck her, and in no time she had twisted her hair up into a bun, which she could easily fixate with her wand indeed. Two problems solved with one action, wonderful.

"I cannot believe you just did that." Cas commented on Robin's action in an instant. "And I cannot believe that it actually looks good! I spent an hour doing my hair, and you just… use your wand like a hair accessory within two bloody seconds."

Robin sighed in return, but she had to smile once again at Cas and her view of the world. "Your hair looks a million times better, believe me. I'm not trying to look good, I'm only trying to look acceptable while being functional. That's a difference."

"If you say so…" Cas sighed, and the two girls finally started making their way up to the great hall. "Coming back to my question though; who do you really want to impress? Is it that boy who's sitting next to you in Professor Morgan's class since recently?"

"Alexander? God no!" Robin snorted, shaking her head to herself while she actually enjoyed striding through the hallways quite so elegantly for once. "If you must know, I'm not trying to impress someone, but to prove a point to someone."

"Uuh!" Cas squealed quietly, skipping in her steps next to Robin in glee. "To whom? And which point?"

"You would do well to focus on your own date for now. Where did he want to meet you again?"

"Just outside the hall. You won't scare him off, Robin, will you? I know you don't like him, but he's really cool and so are his friends, and I don't wanna be the stupid third year whose big sister has to watch over her."

"You won't even notice me tonight, unless you need me. Good?"

"Yes. Thank you." Cas smiled, then took a deep breath while her smile widened even more. "I'm actually going to the ball! With a cute boy! Can you believe it?! I've waited for this moment for months!!!"

"I hope tonight is everything you dreamt of." Robin replied with a small smile, but it was tainted by concern no less. Just shortly before they reached the last crossing before the great hall, she turned to Cas once more. "Don't get into trouble, and don't do anything stupid. I don't want to find you drunk in our bathroom later or anything of that sort."

"Yes, professor." Cas rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, but gave Robin a small hug nonetheless, before she skipped ahead and towards wherever she would meet her date.

Robin decided to give Cas a little while at least, to spare her the embarrassment of arriving with her watchdog indeed. When she finally did make her way into the great hall, she was barely still on time, with two more minutes to go until the festivities would begin. The very moment she entered the hall, a few more eyes were drawn to her than in the last years, but not enough to make her feel observed. At least Robin didn't notice enough eyes on her to feel like people were actually paying attention to her. In an instant, she moved to stand off to the side and let her eyes trail over the crowds in the search for her own company.

"Looking for something?" Snape's voice was so close behind her that Robin jumped for the second time this evening, but then turned around to him with a smile. The very moment she did, she believed to see a glimpse of sincere awe flashing through his eyes, but she might as well be mistaken. She probably was, unfortunately. It might just be the candles and some wishful thinking.

"Looking for someone." She smiled up at him in amusement. "But it seems that someone found me first."

"How very fortunate for you." He replied with a not-smirk, as much of it as he would show in public at least, and his gaze flickered over her garments for just a second before returning to her eyes. "Did you have to choose black?"

"Obviously." She smirked, feeling highly amused by his difficulty to show a suitable reaction to her choice of outfit.

"It suits you."

Now, that she hadn't expected, but she appreciated it nonetheless as her smirk turned into a smile. "Thank you."

"How… came the change in your choice of attire for tonight's event?"

"You complained last year that I was wearing the same thing I wore to the conference the summer before." Robin shrugged, observing his almost uncertain expression. "Thought I'd prove to you that I can look nice too, when I actually try."

"You didn't need to." He mused, but before Robin could give a reply, both their attention was drawn to the front of the room where Dumbledore was getting started with his welcoming speech.

Robin turned towards the front to at least pretend to listen, and a few seconds later she noticed the gentle hand that came to rest on the small of her back. She had to smile in an instant, glancing up at Snape out of the corners of her eyes, but he was looking towards the front as neutrally and indifferently as always, always the contrast to his lingering touch. Oh, how she had missed this.

… … …

As soon as the possibility had come up, Snape and Robin had moved back into their usual corner and to their usual table. For a good two hours they stayed sitting there like always, in their usual habit of gossiping and teasing, until at last the inevitable happened, the one thing Robin had indeed seen coming all along.

With the saddest face in history, Cas came approaching them with an expression showing precisely that she was barely able to keep her tears from spilling over. Robin's immediate line of thought went along the path of 'told you so', but she frowned it away and out of her mind, and instead jumped to her feet in honest concern.

"I'll be back in a second." She said to Snape, who nodded in return, then she went to meet Cas a few steps further down the wall. They weren't technically out of sight, but out of earshot at least. "What happened?"

"As if that would be so hard to guess." Cas replied with a scoff, crossing her arms over her chest but making herself so small at the same time that it appeared more as a gesture of holding herself together than defiance. Robin simply went ahead and hugged her then, out of an impulse, and Cas immediately clung onto her in return. "You were right… He's an asshole."

"What did he do?" Robin asked softly, drawing reassuring circles on her friend's back, while on the inside however, she felt furious. Whatever that boy had done, he would pay for making Cas cry. Even if it was just teenage drama, Robin wasn't having it tonight. Or perhaps she just needed a deserving victim for her own annoyance at Cas for not listening to her any earlier.

"He and his two stupid friends wanted to go and hang out somewhere else, somewhere more interesting than here and 'have a little fun'. I said I didn't want to, so they just made fun of me for being such a prudish child and dreadfully boring. Then they just laughed at me and Jos said he should never have asked me to the ball." She mumbled into Robin's shoulder, and only a few seconds later she looked up at her again. "I'm not boring, am I?"

"Not at all." Robin replied with a small smile. "I'm very proud of you for not letting them drag you into something you didn't want to do."

"It's not even that I'm scared to do something forbidden… I couldn't care less, honestly, unless it's something really bad. But I just want to stay here for a while, you know… to enjoy the ball. I like the ball." Cas shrugged, still looking sad about it. "No need to insult me for that, right?"

"Nothing gives them the right to insult you at all." Robin replied pointedly, then let her eyes trail over the room for a second before turning back to Cas. "Did they leave already?"

"No… they wanted to find some other people first who would actually be willing to go with them for their private party." The girl scoffed, pushing her hair behind her ear with a bit more confidence already. "Why?"

"I should have a little talk with Jos, and with his friends as well if needed." Robin stated in a dangerous calm, then started pulling Cas along, back towards her table. Without making much fuss about it, she sat Cas down next to Snape. "Wait here, yes? I'll be right back."

"You don't have to, Robin, really, it's-..."

"Yes, I do have to." She replied calmly, ignoring both Cas' insecure look and Snape's mildly irritated one, and then turned on her heel to find the boy in question. They really needed to have a talk; no one mistreated or ridiculed her friends.

Jos really wasn't too difficult to find, his group of friends practically entertained the entire section of the room. 'Cool and popular' Cas had said… more like 'jocks and jerks'. Robin approached him without slowing down, and even though the boy was only a fifth year, he was a good head taller than her. That didn't intimidate her in the least however, and while being surrounded by so many people, so many strangers, would've made her nervous in any other situation, it did not do so now. She was on a mission, and somehow her body seemed to understand that.

"Jos?" She merely asked in a cold calm tone once she stood facing the boy.

"Uh, yeah? That would be me." He quirked an eyebrow down at her in amusement, while his pals nudged him in the sides with utterly pathetic grins. "The one and only."

"I thought so." Robin returned, then didn't waste a second to follow her impulses once again. The thing about physically strong people was that they usually spent ridiculously little time guarding their minds. Thus it was but an effortless thought on Robin's part, and she was in his mind, staring him down at the same time while he stumbled backwards against a table, then slumped down on the bench behind his legs. She felt his mind trying to lock her out, but it was a pathetic attempt at the most, and thus she went ahead to give him a very clear visual of what would happen to him should he ever dare to say a single bad word about Cas again, in her presence or not. After half a minute of this the boy was a terrified mess, half sitting and half sprawled out on the bench, looking up at Robin with teary eyes while she withdrew from his mind at last. Then she turned to his gawking friends, who hadn't even tried to help their pal.

"Would anyone else like to know what happens when you mess with the wrong people?" She asked politely, and five people shook their heads immediately. As much as she wanted to smirk at that, she kept her face neutral. "Great. Have a nice evening."

Without waiting for their reactions, she turned around once more and made her way through the hall and back towards her own table, feeling her confidence fade the moment she was out of their sight. Geez… she really shouldn't have done that. All those years she'd been doing her best to stand above such impulsive behaviour, and here she was now, mildly torturing a lower year. Letting off steam on other people. Great job, idiot. Perhaps it was the dress that gave her the illusion of too much power. Perhaps it was Snape's company.

"And? How did it go?" Cas asked the very second Robin approached them, and the girl luckily looked a lot more like herself already. Not sad and small anymore, but excited and almost happy again, and Robin found that this was what had made her own uncharacteristic behavior worth it in the end. To see her friends happy, she would gladly go against her higher standards.

"I made him cry." Robin sighed in resignation, and sat down on the bench in between Cas and Snape. "It was a very wrong thing to do though, so don't take it as an example. A negative one, perhaps."

"I don't care if it was wrong, you made him cry for me and that's awesome." Cas grinned, then almost knocked Robin off the bench with a tight hug. "Thank you! I really should have listened to you earlier…"

"It's nothing, really. But yes, you should have." Robin huffed in amusement, even though she still felt mildly concerned about the entire 'revenge leads to more revenge' thing. But she hadn't seen any speckle of that in Jos' mind, so perhaps it really wasn't an issue for once. Not when it was about something so minor, with somebody so imbecilic.

"Uhm, sorry to, uh… to interrupt…" A foreign voice drew Robin's attention to a blond curly haired boy she couldn't remember seeing before, and Cas followed suit while she let go of Robin. The boy obviously seemed unsettled either by Snape or Robin, perhaps by both of them, for he only glanced at them nervously from time to time and otherwise focused on Cas entirely. "I, uh… I couldn't help noticing what my idiot classmates said to you, and well… I just wanted to ask if you were alright?"

Cas blushed a deep crimson, and Robin had to subtly nudge her in the side eventually to remind her that she could speak. "Uh, yeah, I… Thank you. That's… very nice of you to ask."

Robin could practically feel how Snape rolled his eyes at the scene, but she was also very much aware of the fact that he was still here despite everything that had happened in the past minutes. She couldn't help nudging him in the side as well, smirking, and he gave her a glare in return. Robin smiled even more.

"Would you… uh, would you care for a dance perhaps? With me, I mean? I could try to cheer you up with my horrible dancing skills and ridiculous jokes." The blonde boy finally got out with a crooked smile, and Cas nodded immediately. Then she gave Robin a questioning look, but she just motioned for her to go ahead already. Thus, within seconds, Cas and the boy vanished in the crowd.

"I have never seen something more pathetic in my entire life." Snape finally remarked dryly, and Robin had to snort at the comment. It was absolutely only for show, and she knew that just as well as him.

"Oh come on, I think it was adorable." She replied with a smirk. "I feel a lot better about this one than that prick she came here with."

"You are aware that I missed the important bits of the conversation, yes?"

"I know." Robin sighed, then turned to him to explain. "Fifth year, straight brown hair, very tall, called Jos. Might be a nickname though. You know him?"

"Yes. I could've told you from the start that he is a complete dunderhead."

"I for my part knew that from the start as well, but Cas didn't want to believe me when I told her. Either way, he asked her to the ball, she had high hopes, but then he and his friends made fun of her, right before she came here. So much for the pre-story." Robin sighed again, her smile faltering. "Then I did something stupid and very much unlike me. I went over there and basically bashed him in the head with a few pictures strategically placed in his mind, of what I would do to him if he kept on being an arse."

"So that's what got him to shiver in fear at the mere sight of you." Snape mused with a not-smirk, and Robin was twice surprised in return.

"You saw that?" She asked first of all, frowning.

"I did indeed. Most of it, at least."

"And you're not disappointed? Not even telling me how idiotic that was? How imbecile and irresponsible and redundant?" She added the second question right on, and part of her hoped that he would do just what she'd said, and part of her hoped for the opposite. "You've been telling me since first year how stupid impulsive reactions like this are!"

"Why would I need to tell you something you are already well aware of?" He quirked an eyebrow at her, but upon her defeated expression, he finally sighed as well. "Sometimes we do a wrong thing for the right reasons. You defended someone you care about. I doubt that could even be considered wrong in the first place."

"And using legilimency on lower years? How are you going to justify that?"

"I won't, that certainly was wrong by any means. But I enjoyed watching it nonetheless." He said with another not-smirk, which finally got Robin to smile as well. "You certainly know how to intimidate people. It's quite impressive."

"I learned from the very best." She replied with a smirk, and he rolled his eyes in return, while his own smile still lingered on his lips.

They just kept on chatting for a while then, the incident soon forgotten and insignificant, and before long things returned to normal. Almost normal, for they were left sitting closer together than ever after Cas had left, shoulders almost touching now, heat brushing against the bare skin of Robin's arms when her robe sleeves moved out of the way. She knew that he must take notice of the closeness as well, of her shoulder gently brushing against his arm from time to time whenever she moved, and yet he didn't move away at all. The thought made her smile.

They had been listening to the music for a while, merely enjoying each other's company like they did so very often, when Robin caught sight of Cas dancing with the blond boy again. It had been an hour at least since they had left to dance; obviously it was going quite well, and Robin couldn't help being curious.

"Who is the boy dancing with Cas anyway?" She asked Snape, while still keeping her eyes on the couple on the dancefloor.

"Curious, are we?" He mused in return, undoubtedly humoured. "His name is Simon Durrell, fifth year. Ravenclaw. He is quite horrible at potions, but smarter and therefore less of a nuisance than his peers. Wears his heart on his sleeves quite like your friend."

"Good." Robin smiled up at Snape at last. "I would've hated having to behead him if he was a jerk to Cas. She looks happy dancing with him."

"You should be dancing as well." Snape said in a sudden feigned neutrality that made Robin's smile fade in return. "One doesn't wear a gown like that only to hide in a corner all night."

"Why not?" She shrugged, focusing on her hands in her lap. Was he trying to get rid of her? Find a polite excuse to get away? No, that wouldn't be like him at all. He would just get up and leave if he wanted to. Robin didn’t know what he wanted to hear. "Nobody's ever asked me to dance anyway."

"Oh please... You are by far better than waiting for some dunderhead to ask you for a dance. Go and ask someone first, someone who deserves your company." His tone turned from neutral to grave in a broken second, as he turned to look away along with it. "Or at least someone who knows that they never will."

There was something ineffably sad about his words, his voice, his eyes when she looked up at him once more. He wasn't trying to get rid of her… He was giving her the chance to be happier elsewhere, without him. Robbin’s heart skipped a beat, then squeezed all air out of her lungs. If only he knew; if only she could make him understand. Then again… Perhaps she could.

"You know what? I will." Robin replied determinedly, and rose to her feet with one graceful move. Taking a deep breath, she smoothed out her dress with shaking hands, standing straight after sitting for so long, and then finally turned back around to Snape. Gods, he looked so sad under all those facades. She took another deep breath, then held out her hand to him. "Would you do me the honor and dance with me?"

______________________________

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quazartranslates · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the Nightmare Game - CH72

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

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Chapter 72: Seed of Slaughter (XI)

[Qi Leren. Witchcraft Sacrifice. The survival time was 13 days.]

Like falling into a freezer, Qi Leren was cold and motionless as he looked at the inscription on the tombstone. Everything around him was far away, just like being blocked by an invisible barrier: the sound of the waves, the bright moonlight, the clear wine… everything was far away. He was like a living person buried in the ground, watching the soil cover his body a little bit, and from then on, he would be accompanied by darkness and insects, and eventually gradually decay in the unknown.

He was unwilling. He urged the frozen body to move forward, and more and more of the dead were exposed to him.

[Qi Leren. Witchcraft Sacrifice. The survival time was 13 days.]

-If the arrangement of tombstones was according to the time of the death of all people, then the nearest to Lu Youxin was the one who survived for 13 days died of trying his luck and killing himself, and these two died of dragon's breath.

[Qi Leren. Witchcraft Sacrifice. The survival time was 13 days.]

-that one died with a dagger when he was chased by a hungry wolf.

[Qi Leren. Witchcraft Sacrifice. The survival time was 13 days.]

-that one died in an explosion that killed the giant.

Qi Leren, who had lost his mind, was still moving forward. There were all unfamiliar names here. He had to walk a long way before he could meet the tombstone he left in the Novice Village.

"Enough, Qi Leren!" Chen Baiqi's voice sounded behind Qi Leren.

Qi Leren stood among rows and rows of tombstones arranged like theater seats, and the moonlight left his shadow on the ground, overlapping with the shadows of countless tombstones, as if entangled between life and death, but the moonlight blurred the boundaries.

Was he still alive? Was he already dead? How could he prove that he was still alive?

With memory? But memory was just a brain wave. In the face of all kinds of incredible forces in this Nightmare World, even fabricating a memory was very simple, let alone transplanting a memory.

Was he really alive?

Was he still alive?

Chen Baiqi came to his side, took his arm and walked back into the deeper part of the island.

Along the path full of moonlight, treading weeds and insects, they walked deeper and deeper. Qi Leren didn't know where Chen Baiqi was going, but didn't want to know. His soul seemed to be left in front of his tombstone, and he was just a walking corpse.

Through the dense forest, his eyes were suddenly enlightened.

They were standing on a high solitary cliff, and the sea under the moonlight was just over the edge. So quiet, so vast, silvery white scales of moonlight beating on the water, together with the starlight and the sea, constituting a suffocatingly beautiful night.

Chen Baiqi sat down on a strange rock on the sea cliff, covered her lighter with her hand, lit herself a cigarette, and lit another one for Qi Leren.

This time, Qi Leren didn't refuse.

The two people sat on the cliff, listening to the crash of the tide lapping on the cliff, and the sound of Qi Leren coughing while smoking, and they said nothing to each other.

"Now I know why Ning Zhou specifically told me not to bring you here before he left." Chen Baiqi finished smoking a cigarette and crushed the cigarette butt beneath her shoe. "Unfortunately, when I don't collect money, I’m a really uncooperative person."

"What else did he say?" Qi Leren asked hoarsely.

"A lot, I’ve never heard so many words from him, but it is probably because he was drunk." Chen Baiqi laughed lowly. "After all, I brought a whole box of good wine to see him. I'm afraid he’ll be eager to kill me when he wakes up."

Qi Leren looked up at Chen Baiqi. She sat on the stone with her legs crossed and lit a cigarette for herself.

"I don't think he believed that he could fall in love with someone who doesn't belong to this world in such a short time," Chen Baiqi said.

"What do you mean?" Qi Leren's heart thumped, and a sense of foreboding, which he had always been unwilling to ponder, welled up in his mind.

Chen Baiqi raised a slender eyebrow: "I thought you’d discovered it, didn't you?"

Don't belong to this world... Qi Leren's mind suddenly saw a face similar to Ning Zhou's, the blonde woman praying under the cross in the Barrier of the Holy Spirit, who has a pair of eyes identical to Ning Zhou's.

"Ning Zhou is like my sister, but should be said to be more special than her. Her parents are players from the real world, but Ning Zhou... his mother was an NPC."

Chen Baiqi's voice seemed to come from outside. He heard every word she said, but suddenly he couldn't understand them.

"Calculate Ning Zhou's age. His father should be the first player to enter this game, but he died very early. After his mother died, he was sent to the Vatican and was deeply influenced by the Holy See. Ning Zhou also told me that when he was 18 years old, he would perform tasks like ordinary players. Three years ago, when he was 18 years old, he had the same number of survival days as us and needed to perform mandatory tasks every month."

The cigarette butt in Qi Leren's hand had almost burned out, but he didn't notice it at all.

"This time when he received the Witchcraft Sacrifice task, it was a complete accident. He had just come back from Neverland recently. He met a gangster who was chasing several girls and killed them. Unfortunately, he failed to save the two girls. Instead, because of the demon mark on their hands, he triggered the task at this time. Even more coincidentally, you also received this task from another dead NPC.

"In fact, he didn't care much about you at the beginning. In terms of personality, Ning Zhou was born not to like being close to people. It's hard to imagine that he took the initiative to approach someone. At the beginning, he saved you from being attacked by wolves by a bonfire, which was completely convenient. Helping those in need is also the precept of the Holy See." When Chen Baiqi spoke, she suddenly smiled lightly. "But after he got drunk even more, he admitted it. He thought it was cute when you pretended to be calm and tried to talk to him."

-"I... my name is Qi Leren, what's your name?" Memories suddenly changed from gray to new, like a roll of black and white film, suddenly with sound and color. Qi Leren clearly remembered that by the warm bonfire, he felt uneasy and stopped talking, and finally built up the courage to ask her name.

"Later, in the underground cave, you were chased by the bone dragon, and he took you to escape. At that time, you looked scared, red eyes, and trembling when you spoke, but stubbornly wanted to protect him, even not afraid of death. I ‘m afraid that Ning Zhou has never seen anyone work so hard for him in so many years. After that, you died from the dragon's breath and were almost frozen to death by the frozen underground lake. After he rescued you, he looked at you, who was soaked and shivering. He swore to himself that he would protect you."

-"Thank you in short, tell me your name when the time comes!" At that time, he had hurriedly run for his life, and his lungs were in pain. He kept his voice down and did not dare to cough, so his eyes were red. He knew that he wouldn’t die, and he had a great chance to survive with skilled help, so he was brave.

"In the last underground palace, Ning Zhou used up the relics left by his mother. Yes, that's the pendant. That thing is no ordinary item, he shouldn't have used it, but at that time it was a close call, and you were in grave danger again, so he didn’t hesitate to use it, even if... You found the only chance in the Barrier of the Holy Spirit, but it was really a monster... "Chen Baiqi looked out at the calm sea in the moonlight, and her voice seemed to have died. "Later when he was drunk, Ning Zhou wouldn’t continue, but I already know. To personally kill a lover who was willing to pay her life for him, how much pain must he have been in at the time... "

-"Ning Zhou, I have a way, maybe we can all live." At that time, the excited Qi Leren even said the most cruel words to Ning Zhou with a smile, "It's very simple: kill me."

Qi Leren dropped to sit on the stone and covered his face with his hand. This short experience had turned into a prank of fate in his eyes, but in Ning Zhou's eyes? This was totally an irreparable tragedy.

"Do you know? After the mission, before coming to see you, Ning Zhou went somewhere, " Chen Baiqi said slowly.

"Where?" He clearly knew he should stop asking, but Qi Leren still felt the words leave his mouth.

Chen Baiqi answered the unneeded question: "He went to buy something."

Qi Leren's finger moved stiffly, and he knew something vaguely, but it was too unbelievable.

Chen Baiqi didn't say any more. She smoked a cigarette. The smell of tobacco made her relaxed and calm. She stood up, facing the sea, and murmured, "This is fate. People who are obviously impossible come to love each other because of various coincidences, but unfortunately in the end... It’s still impossible."

Qi Leren was silent.

"In Ning Zhou’s world, I'm afraid he never thought about homosexuality. After all, he lived in the Vatican since he was very young, obeyed the precepts, abided by the canon, and had a firm belief. He was the kind of man whose heart won't exceed the moment. When he fell in love, he would propose marriage, and his first night would be reserved for his wedding night. Most importantly, the Vatican in this world is not of the modern religion in the world where we once lived. It is old-fashioned and conservative. All love between the same sex is wrong, immoral and even sinful.

"If one day, he loves you more than everything, maybe he will leave the Vatican. But he will need to abandon his faith and give up everything he once regarded as life... Is this love more painful, or is death more painful?"

The salty sea breeze blew on his face and stole away the heat from one’s body. While listening to all this, Qi Leren had been very calm. He stood up from the stone and whispered: "I understand..."

Chen Baiqi turned around and handed him a bottle in her hand: "Take it."

"I don't have to drown my sorrows in wine," Qi Leren made a joke stiffly, but it was so difficult to raise the corners of his mouth.

"It's not wine, it's holy water from the Holy See. Maybe you can use it later," Chen Baiqi shrugged her shoulders. "I'm going to see some old friends first. We'll meet at the shore in an hour."

Qi Leren's hand holding the bottle froze. How did Chen Baiqi know that he needed holy water to suppress the seed?

Seeing that Chen Baiqi had left, he ignored caution and asked loudly, "Why did you give me this?"

Chen Baiqi waved backwards at him: "It's from Ning Zhou. Let me give it to you. Keep it. Maybe it’ll come in handy in the future."

Chen Baiqi's figure had disappeared under the steps. Qi Leren shook the bottle, and the crystal clear transparent liquid glowed faintly in the moonlight. Just looking at it made him feel calm. If it was Ning Zhou... Could he know? After all, he saw him at the courthouse.

Qi Leren didn't want to think any more, so he put away the holy water and went down.

This time, he no longer panicked over those tombstones, which he could not verify or control. Even if he was really dead, this one was still alive now. He could act, think and be as happy and sad as before. He didn't want to struggle with more problems.

Down the stairs, there were neat tombstones on both sides of the steps, which were as neat as a procession.

The order of tombstones should be arranged according to the time of death, not according to the order of tasks. Qi Leren stopped at Lu Youxin's tombstone, walked backwards one row, and then went in. He saw Ye Xia, which turned out to be her real name and she had lived for more than 1,500 days.

One step further, the place illuminated by the flashlight held the name Qi Leren.

Three tombstones in a row, all of them him.

He had died by Ning Zhou’s hand.

Qi Leren’s feet stopped, an emotion that couldn't be said to be sad or relieved seeping out slowly from the depths of his soul. After Chen Baiqi said Ning Zhou had bought something, he guessed vaguely, but it was still unbelievable, but now he saw it with his own eyes, and he finally had to believe it.

He could almost imagine Ning Zhou's mood when he found his tombstone. Perhaps for him, the Qi Leren he loved has stayed in the underground palace forever, and was killed by his own hands three times.

They hadn't had the time to start, and the love he hadn't said yet stayed there forever. He could only leave proof of his love at the tombstone and give it to the "her".

Qi Leren stepped forward and squatted down at his grave.

[Qi Leren. Witchcraft Sacrifice. The survival time was 13 days.]

An open box was placed upright in front of the tombstone, and a ring lay quietly inside.

The ring is inlaid with a blue gem, which shone in the moonlight.

As beautiful as Ning Zhou's eyes.

-----

The author has something to say:

PS: Although love is beautiful when it stops at this moment, the story should continue.

PPS: After going through such small twists and turns as a homicidal maniac, captured, undercover, robbed, frightened, and proposed marriage to (failed), our protagonist had a relaxed and happy rest time. After eating this sweet (or poisonous) sugar, we can open a relaxing copy (being a real mother) after this incredibly sour and refreshing feeling.

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Editor’s Note: I recommend going back and taking a look at chapter 62 again if you’d like a knife you probably didn’t fully notice before.

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#Welcome to the Nightmare Game #欢迎来到噩梦游戏 #danmei

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this-isnt-magic · 5 years

Note

you always talk about casting spells and looking for unfalsifiable proof afterwards, so i was curious what have been occasions in your personal practice or just any examples you could give of casting a spell and being proven 100% right that it worked?

In terms of operative magic specifically, here are a few from recent years:

Target A was extorting Friend B for a large sum of money. He had been hounding him daily asking for the money which B absolutely did not want to pay and frankly had no reason to owe. B asked me to make A forget about the money. Within two days of the ritual, not only did A completely forget him calling B, the cash, and the original situation that arose that made him go after him in the first place, he also randomly sent B the same amount he had been asking for over PayPal just because he felt like he owed him money, though he couldn’t remember why. He never contacted him again.

Someone had been harassing a good friend of mine. Through a series of well-timed curses taking advantage of immigration bureaucracy, his own lawyers and closest confidants within the system began to ignore him past every deadline and he was unable to renew his visa. Needless to say, he was Hot Footed out of the country. The list of residual misfortunes that waited him upon his return is extensive.

I had an extremely specific list of characteristics, personality traits, ambitions, qualities, etc. in a romantic partner which I included in a petition to draw an ideal lover. I met my now-boyfriend out of the blue shortly after enchanting it under the guidance of a guardian spirit and the archangel of Venus, and he checked off every single one.

I have also repeated this working for a friend, who met his now-wife the week after. They now have two children as well.

I conjured a demon to bring me the monetary resources and personal connections to knowledgeable and powerful adepts of a particular tradition I knew was obscure and difficult to initiate into, whose personalities I would get along well with, respect, and genuinely care for. When the individuals were made known to me, I confirmed their validity with a corresponding angel. I have since then become close friends with these people and have learned secrets and ingress far beyond what I had initially even hoped for.

An abusive landlord was trying to evict a friend of mine who lives in Nigeria. He had hired men to intimidate him and tried to bribe other individuals to testify against him as well. My friend asked me for help, and I began my court case work, targeting the judge, the landlord, the landlord’s lawyer, and my friend’s lawyer all separately. The landlord didn’t show up for all three court hearings, his own lawyer began to give advice to my friend and advocate on his behalf, the hired thugs disappeared, and the case was decided massively in my friend’s favor.

I personally do a lot of weather magic, which is a really easy way to test for results. I check to see report so I know what’s likely to happen, and then do something radically different. Pulling hail in the summer, sudden rain, precise winds up to a desired strength, etc. are all possibilities to practice with.

There are a lot of asks floating around this blog that essentially repeat the same question: what is the most powerful spell for X goal? I would offer that it is more helpful to consider operative magic along a spectrum of factors far beyond recipes. The actual structure and technique of the ritual is one aspect, but so is the divination done prior to working magic to see potential outcomes and how they would change if you adapted the spell differently; which targets you focus on and how (who do you charm, who do you curse, who do you bless, what do you do to which area first and in which order?); the physical links you have (hair, nails, spit, etc.); and most importantly the relationship you have with the spirits you are relying on.

If a stranger asks me for $500 on the street, I’m not going to give it to them. But if my best friend did, I happily would. Look at who you already have relationships with and ask them - if you needed to manifest this result, how would you do it? I would caution anyone from shopping around for different spirits for every single ritual, and similarly to not over-assign roles to spirits. You can conjure for money using every single planet, not just Jupiter. Sol can make you outshine all your competitors for the job, garbing you in brilliance so bright only you remain visible in the eyes of those who have the power to award you what you seek. Venus can sweeten all parties to your favor, while Mars grants you victory and expels all opponents. Absolutely do explore other spirits and powers you’re interested in cultivating working relationships with, but do not forget how nuanced and deep your existing alliances go. Always divine on what you are missing, what information you need that you lack, how your working would be improved upon, etc. Where is there room for what you are looking for? Oftentimes I’ve enchanted directly for the financial success and prosperity of my bosses and academic advisers, so that the new money and grants they received would both relieve them of stress (making them more useful for me in the long run) and have more resources immediately on hand to pass on to me in the form of raises, new opportunities, projects, travel funding, and so on.

Now with that out of the way (and I’m aware I’m giving way more than what the OP was asking for, but I do hope it will be helpful for people!) - there’s an implication in questions like these that relates to more than just verifying spells, but rather about proving that magic itself is real and tangible. I would offer that the possibilities of spirit contact described in both literary grimoire magic and among traditional oral lineages of witchcraft and sorcery are most definitely not being exaggerated in their testimonies. What follows are examples I have either personally seen or facilitated through conjuration:

A spirit manifesting visibly so that everyone in the room could see and hear it. It could also catch objects thrown at it and suspend them in the air plainly for all to see.

A spirit physically manifesting an object from thin air that I to this day keep as a powerful amulet. It can move on its own and never rusts or tarnishes.

A spirit manifesting to fill the sky with its body, with numerous witnesses who did not believe in any kind of non-physical entities witnessing it.

Spirits manifesting as physical, concrete shadows that could be picked up with the hands and manipulated plainly for all to see.

Within the context of mounting/spirit possession in ATRs, mounts (or horses, aka possessed persons) when incorporated with spirits have: spoken languages fluently they have no knowledge of but which the spirit speaks; been cut with knives/stabbed/had their hands placed in boiling oil/hot peppers rubbed on their orfices and so on without any injury, pain, or wounds/blood; defied gravity; suddenly healed major diseases and illnesses; caused all the animals in the room to die suddenly at the same time upon possession, physically transformed in skin and eye color; and more.

Not every working requires physical spirit manifestation. Not every magical goal requires the same amount of effort. But it is always possible to push deeper, as we are inclined to do. For as occultists, we pursue the hidden, especially what is hidden from us, no matter how practiced we are. That hunger for knowledge and ingress into the unknown defines magicians of all skill levels. Whether you end up initiating into a living tradition or working a grimoire that promises visible spirit manifestation by the book, there are myriad ways of discovering just how viscerally tangible and “real” magic is for yourself, if you’re willing to put in the time and exercise the diligence and cunning for it.

- Mod D

#magic #witchcraft #traditional witchcraft #grimoire #grimoire magic #sorcery

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thereismagicinthesepages · 5 years

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Pop Culture Entity Challenge: Hircine, Part 1

Stolen from @highpriestness

This is meant to be a sort of bonding and questionnaire in regards to spirits, entities, and deities you may work with in Pop Culture.

You can use it as a 30 day challenge, an ask meme to ask for questions, or simply write them all however you feel.

General Questions:

1. What is the name of the entity and what is their canon universe?

Hircine. The Elder Scrolls anthology.

2. What drew you to this entity? What drew you to their world?

The Elder Scrolls universe has been close to my heart for a very long time. In particular, Skyrim. It’s a beautifully created fantasy world full of colorful characters and lore, and it came to life for me. I’ve put many hours of playtime into the game, running new characters with varying skills and trying new things. It’s always a unique experience and one I never regret diving into.

Hircine himself interested me from the first time I met him in-game. He is the Great Hunter, and the quest in Skyrim (my first encounter with him) leads you to him by way of helping a werewolf NPC who had been cursed by him. Many of the characters in the game frame Daedra as being evil or bad, they are considered demons against the godly presence of the Aedra; the Divines. Hircine’s actions throughout this quest are harsh, but he is also one of the more agreeable Daedra.

Hircine appears in the game as a white stag that you need to hunt down and kill, then his Aspect will appear to tell you to hunt down the same werewolf who asked for your help. You can refuse, but he will warn you that other hunters will be going after the werewolf regardless. You then have two options; Defy Hircine and save the werewolf from the hunters, or join the hunt and kill him. Either way, Hircine will reward you with one of his artifacts. I always choose to spare the werewolf.

What actually draws me to Hircine is my already great love of nature. Deer and Wolves have always been very close to my heart, wolves in particular. Hircine is the father of lycanthropy and thus werewolves are his people. Also while I myself am not a hunter in the strictest sense, I do support and respect those that do hunt, and I respect and make use of animals’ sacrifices on a regular basis. I often pick up roadkill or take hunter waste and use the bones, pelts, feathers, ect. in crafts, as offerings to my gods, or just as general decor,

Also, going back to Hircine’s Quest, if you choose to kill the hunters to save your werewolf friend, Hircine remains impressed with you for “turning the hunt inside-out.” He appreciates alternative thinking, and he just wants to see his Hunters overcoming obstacles to reach their goal. That’s the true Hunt, and he reminds me of that frequently. I don’t have to dawn a bow and shoot a deer, my Hunt can be any goal I’m reaching for, every obstacle I am trying to over come, regardless of how small or massive. Afterall, hunters take on prey of all sizes, right? From a hunting spider catching a tiny insect, to a dragon hunting a mammoth.

3. Did you choose them or did they tap you? How?

A little bit of both. I am a fairly recent baby witch and pagan, and at first I was really only looking into “real” gods, in particular I started with the Egyptian and Greek pantheons, as I already had very strong connections to both. However, I did begin to see others weaving pop culture into their witchcraft, and I eventually discovered Pop Culture Paganism. It clicked for me, it made so much sense, that these worlds and characters that I put so much love and time into, that someone put heart, soul and life into, could be considered “real” and hold power in their own rights.

I already believed in the Infinite Universes theory, wherein there could be a universe out there somewhere where literally anything could exist. Hearing that others worshiped gods based on works of fiction, or even other non-deified entities from those works, was eye-opening for me. I started researching. I wanted to learn more. I found a particular tumblr user who worshipped the Daedra and that clicked with me. I love so many of the Daedra, something about them always spoke to me. Clavicus Vile, Sheogorath, Molag Bal, Hircine....

Shortly after this revelation, I started researching how to worship PC entities. I wasn’t really all that solid on my more “traditional” pagan beliefs, let alone branching out into mostly uncharted territory. There was so little help on how to begin. I found posts about manifesting, about working with them as spirits, as archetypes, creating thoughtforms and servitors.... It was a lot of information to pick through, and a lot to think about. Even now I’m having some trouble beginning working with some entities I’d like to approach, because thus far all of the beings I’ve been working with are considered gods in their own rights. I am having a harder time figuring our how to work with a mortal character who may not want to be deified.

Regardless, while I was in the midst of all of this research and soul-searching, Hircine did tap me. I had actually forgotten the initial feeling, I had to go back to my journal to remember. I was asleep in bed asleep one night and heard a sort of crinkling sound. I got a vivid vision of large, leather boots crunching through dried leaves in a dense forest. My mind immediately screamed Hircine.

I put off contacting him for a bit after that, as I was still unsure, but upon realizing that the Hunter Moon was coming up, I couldn’t ignore the signs. I found a young buck skull that I got from a roadkill deer I processed a few years ago, and set it and some crystals out near a window where they could absorb the moonlight. I left him some bread and water, and waited.

I don’t remember if it was the following day, or a few days later, as I’m terrible at keeping an up-to-date journal, but I know that shortly thereafter, I was heading to work early in the morning. As I was walking out to my car, I felt a compulsion to look out at my back yard. There were a number of deer standing there. That’s not so uncommon, we have a doe that seems to frequently hang out behind the house, I see her often. What was unusual, is that she was accompanied by three other does. I usually only see the one. As I cautiously stepped forward for a better look, a large buck suddenly bolted past, leading the does back into the woods.

The feeling of elation that rose inside of me was amazing. I love seeing deer anyway, but to me it was very strongly a sign from Hircine. I sensed a presence there that I’d never before experienced. I thanked him, watched the herd leave, and continued on my way.

Since then, I get occasional messages from him, either in similar form, or just hearing his voice. I get this with most of my main deities, either hearing them in my head, or just getting a strong feeling about a situation and knowing it to be one of my gods communicating. I have a fair number of deities I appeal to, so sometimes it’s hard to decipher who exactly is trying to speak. I have no such ambiguity with Hircine, as I always distinctly hear his voice from the game, that clever, echoey sort of voice that emanates from the Stag aspect.

4. How do you typically communicate?

This is what I get for writing too much for each question;; As stated above, he often speaks directly to me, in the voice I know as his from Skyrim. He often gives me advice, though it’s usually in a sort of “tough love” form. If I’m feeling frustrated or discouraged, he’ll tell me things like “a hunter presses on regardless of hardship” or “the hunt is not yet over”. Usually it relates to hunting, but it always fits my circumstances.

5. What role does this entity play in their universe?

Hircine is the God of the Hunt and Father of Manbeasts. He created the various forms of lycanthropy in Tamriel. Every Era, he will put on a Great Hunt for which he will choose a number of mortal candidates to participate in. It could be as simple as sending hunters to kill a rogue werewolf, to making his champions navigate a maze of Daedric creatures while transformed into hares.

Hircine is revered by hunters and offers his followers the chance to hunt with him for eternity in the Hunting Grounds, Hircine’s Oblivion Realm. He has a fondness for predators, and values Strength, Speed, Guile and Cunning.

6. What kind of relationship do you have with this entity?

I offer my personal “hunts” to Hircine, using his wisdom to overcome the obstacles in my life. He offers me advice and council, occasionally being stern about it, but really only when I need it. We have a pretty positive relationship, I think. I have always had a reverence for nature, and I think he appreciates that. While I don’t actually hunt animals as prey, I still am able to take the lessons he teaches to put towards everyday life, and I am still able to offer him what I consider traditional offerings, like bones and pelts from animals, due to my taxidermy work.

7. What aspects does this entity reside over?

Traditionally, the Hunt is his Sphere, called many names (the Great Game, the Chase, ect). I also consider the other traits he values as being part of this. He values strength, speed, guile, and my personal addition; cunning. He often appears as a fox to trick people, and will grant those he finds to be clever knowledge and tricks of their own. He takes pride in seeing someone openly defy him and turn a hunt around on his chosen hunters.

He values loyalty. He values nature and animals and a respect for them. He values pride in oneself and strength of heart and character. He values independence, but also the ability to run with a pack or herd. He values both the hunter and the prey, and he values someone who can flip on those roles very highly.

8. What kinds of offerings do you/would you give this entity?

I am still discovering this myself. Certainly a very traditional offering to Hircine is the act of hunting. Again, I alter this to be overcoming challenge or reaching for a goal. I will sometimes dedicate such things to him as offerings. I would also offer him animal bones or pelts. I believe he would like prey animals, like deer or rabbit in particular, but also predators like wolves or big cats. I often offer him cool water, which is a traditional offering for many old gods, and in the wild is such an essential thing. Though I have not yet, I would offer him natural foods; berries, fruits, thinks like that.

I offer him meat sometimes, usually whatever I have, though I think he would particularly appreciate things like venison, rabbit or bear meat. I have given him a number of stones and crystals in the past, things close to the earth. Alcohol is another thing I have and would like to offer him. Particularly I think he would appreciate red wines and mead, though I have access to neither right now.

Arrows, arrowheads, daggers or hunting knives, bows, and other hunting tools would be other good things to dedicate to him, I think. Especially if they’re used to hunt with. Imagery of deer, wolves, bears, foxes or werecreatures would all be good as well. I also associate him with crocodiles, mostly because of his Daedroth creatures. I feel like he would also appreciate tattoos as well, particularly of a tribal sort.

9. What kinds of animals, stones, elements, plants, etc do you associate with this entity? Why?

Stones I used for him were clear quartz, like a clear lake or like the full moon. Moonstone, for obvious reasons; bloodstone, representing blood from his prey. Red or orange stones, representing the blood moon. I’m still learning and experimenting with others.

Animals that I associate with him, I mentioned some, but really any hunter animal. Wolves, bears, foxes, crocodiles, spiders, and birds of prey in particular. Deer and elk are also very strong associations for me, as well as other antlered or horned prey animals like gazelle. I also associate him with other creatures in Tamriel such as Daedroth, dragons, unicorns, sabrecats and werecreatures. I also have a loose association with him and sharks, again for the predator aspect.

I strongly associate him with the element of Earth. I always feel a connection to the Earth with him, to plants and animals and nature. He makes me feel very grounded and in touch with my surroundings. I could also connect him to fire, for the occasional harshness he exhibits, the flaming reds of the blood moon, his ability to go from warm and gentle to fierce and burning. I could make connections to air and water as well, but Earth is certainly the strongest elemental association for him, to me.

Plants are tricky, I’m still learning meanings and correspondences so I have trouble pinning them to spirits and deities, though I do strongly associate him with Hemlock and evergreens in general. As well as with fall foliage. I have the image of a stag moving through a forest of evergreens and that feels very Hircine to me.

I associate him with the smell of musk, pine, and a general earthy smell, like freshly disturbed soil. I associate him with the smell of the forest, with the crisp mountain air. The sound of birdcalls and wolf howls. The full moon.

10. Are there any songs, books, or quotes you associate with this entity? Why?

I’m still looking for things like this that remind of of him. Of course there are his in-universe books such as The Totems of Hircine, and any of his spoken dialogue in game (”Well met, hunter” springs to mind), but as for things in our world, one song I really strongly associate with him is “The Stampede” from The Lion King soundtrack.

11. How and when did you first encounter them as an entity?

Told the story above, but there was the strange dream/vision of him walking in the woods, and then the buck in my back yard.

12. How are they particularly involved in your life? Do they teach you anything specific? If so, what?

He teaches me patience and control, dignity and pride, perseverance and strength. He reminds me that a successful hunter has to be aware and in control of her surroundings. He reminds me that sometimes the prey escapes, and that’s okay. He reminds me that even the greatest hunters sometimes lose their mark and go home hungry. He reminds me that it is important to keep trying and keep improving. To keep my eyes on the target, but not to get lost in it either. The wilds are dangerous and they require my attention. They are also beautiful and demand my reverence.

There is excitement and also sadness in a successful hunt. You have taken something very beautiful and precious from the world, and that demands a moment of introspection. But you have also triumphed over your trial, and you will continue to thrive now with all that the hunt provided you. You have food, tools, clothing and shelter. The good sometimes comes with the bad, there is balance in all things and that must be accepted to be able to move on with one’s life.

He teaches me that there is a time and a situation where one should rely on the pack, be content and dependent upon the presence and assistance of others, but there are also times when the hunter must venture out alone. Some prey are best taken down with a group, some are best to be hunted solo.

He reminds me that all things are not as they seem. The hunter may hide himself from the prey if he is skilled enough. I must take care not to become the prey myself, and if the hunt should turn upon me, I must be clever and resourceful enough to escape my hunters. I must be mindful of those hidden hunters, and I must be hidden myself to be successful; either as a hunter or as prey. The strong and the smart survive, I must be one of the two to live; I must be both to thrive.

13. Do they have any identifying symbols in canon or otherwise?

Deer, mostly. Hircine is most known for appearing as a stag, or having the head or skull of one. But he has also appeared as a fox, a bear and a man. His children are the skinshifters, the werecreatures. His weapons are the spear and bow.

14. Do they have alternate versions, verses, or canons? Do you communicate with all or some of them?

Hircine appears slightly differently in each TES game, though it is always the same entity. I have based most of my worship on his appearance in Skyrim, as that is the one which I have the deepest connection with.

#pop culture entity challenge #popcultureentitychallenge #pc pagan #pop culture paganism #pop culture pagan #pop culture magic #my gods: Hircine #pcp Hircine #pcp gods #pcp entities #my gods #hircine #TES

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prithi-posts · 4 years

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My utopia is literally a place where I don't have to feel overwhelmed and overpowered when trying to express myself professionally or emotionally, because of overbearing aggressive forces of masculine energy. I want to feel at peace when I am outside, and I don't want to feel threatened or violated. I don't want to feel like it's my responsibility to educate men to be better, because it's emotionally exhausting and I always find myself doing that when I'm hurt.

Okay, so the space I would imagine is the wild from Madagascar where alex goes like who's the cat Im the cat. And there would be no gender like no dicks or vaginas, And anyone could fall asleep anywhere without any fear, And it would be summer all the time And everyone minds their own business and are introverts somewhat Also the houses should be made of clear glass

Earth’s balance has been restored. We accommodate/conform to nature rather than dominate it. • Live music is played in every restaurant • Artistic expression is seen as essential to childhood development • Education is provided to all who seek it wherein history is taught from multiple perspectives, science is taught as tried and true, and language is taught as adaptable and ever-changing • Homelessness eradicated. • Plenty of public spaces where children can run around freely and people can gather without fear & without having to buy something • Dressing colorfully isn’t deemed unprofessional • We can communicate with animals which allows us to respect their space and autonomy 4. I guess my version of a utopia would look kind of like a combination of nature and modernist architecture (visually). Like a bunch of glass and wood buildings with trees. And some luscious as fuck gardens. I don’t know I was watching this thing on Japanese homes so I’m kinda obsessed with that right now.As far as the values of the society, I envision a utopia where education of all kinds is accessible to all people. And, it’s mad cheesy, I see it as a society where acceptance and respect have more value than wealth. Where all people are considered equal, yet everyone is able to laugh at their differences without hate behind it. I imagine there would only be public forms of transportation, excluding bikes and the like. Or we would have at least developed some super modern version of a car that doesn’t run on fuel. I don’t really know if I am doing this right? But I would just want it to look real sexy with lots of glass, modernist architecture and nature. As well as a high focus on providing equal opportunity for all people. Where money doesn’t get you the education that all people deserve. 5. My utopia is a beautiful jungle with all my best friends, mother, khalas and my sisters. We are able to talk to animals, and for some reason I’m imagining the hybridity between humans and animals so I’m half tiger, like the one from fantasia. Our main goal in life is to discover the rest of the world at our own pace, so we are travellers. We go everywhere and visit the sites and places that already exist in the world but there is no one on earth besides us. 6. My utopia would probably be a world where I’m completely alone ... I think that so much of my anxiety about living stems from an inability to feel a true connection to anyone or anything. Which I recognize is an internal problem, hence the isolating factor of this dream. When I think of inner peace I imagine my body floating in a pristine blue lagoon, held by the cusp of a mountain range. Everything is kaleidoscopic; the veil between worlds is thin enough to transcend each plane (my personal philosophy follows 7 planes of existence but you don’t need to make all of those lmao) if needed. What is important to me about this utopia is being able to exist without any kind of surveillance. There is no entry point to/for the other; it’s simply a place to play and experience the corporeal body as it is 7. I think my idea of a feminist Utopia is firstly very green. It’s tech heavy but in a very green space in a perfect future where the world fixed climate issues- it’s a really integrated system like you know that one green skyscraper that they’re gonna make? And i think it’s just very tender and the world is large but made of small moments if that makes sense There’s no rushing, there's a real focus on process as we have moved from a capitalist pace and everyone creates because it’s a human urge 8. My Utopia is my abuelitas house, where the candles are always lit and it always smells like a restaurant. My sister is doing everyone's birth charts and my abuelita is telling us ghost stories. The recurring dream I have of this scene is a more dimly lit space but with more colors and with my dog chocolate who recently died. 9. I want my Utopia to be all pink because that's the utopic color I’ve sort of planted in my consciousness. It’s not just pink, but rainbow. There are butterflies and animals everywhere. When you zoom out of it, it looks like a doll house but we can use the sims principle to build our own little worlds for ourselves. We can walk into the little blocks anytime we want and we all help each other build these worlds (only females) 10. Venus flytrap that sucks in rapists, A sky where you can actually see the moon. Clean air maybe? A truck which transforms your plastic into wax crayons, Wonder woman belts and capes, Virtual Lenses that let me see my notes when I'm going through social anxiety, Nails that transform into weapons, Fecal-matter vibes for humans 11. The setting of my Utopia would be set in a South Asian setting with the busy streets and markets and the same architecture. I would like to add gothic architecture in my Utopia as well just because I always felt like I wanted to see how those two forms of architecture would mesh. Except I would want to see all of this as a cyberpunk scene with bright neon lights and space shuttles at all times. So women actually could walk freely at night in the midst of bright lights and escape into space anytime they would want to on the streets of India. I would want to live in a huge castle with my friends and wear jewelry and bright clothes. I would want men to live in my world actually, but I don't want to be in proximity with them? And they would just live their own lives but with ‘reversed oppressed roles’ hah 12. My Utopia is like that crazy mixture of lisa frank/barbie fairytopia and hot topic. Except I can talk to my cat and only my best friends and mom exist in it. There is also nature but also robots. You can see the moon and the stars at all times 13. Firstly I think feeding and farming takes up most of people’s physical labor and time. I think the only reason we work is to feed ourselves thrice a day and that is super unnecessary. I wish eating wasn’t a thing in my Utopia, just to get rid of that excess labor. I do want fruit trees and nature to exist though but each fruit would have its own healing powers that came with it. In this Utopia there would be a Matriarchy. I would want my Utopia to look like the Botticelli ‘Birth of Venus Painting. I want to live in huge seashells as houses. There is romance, love and friendships but there is no monogamy, because I think monogamy instantly makes any world dystopic. I think female friendships should be celebrated more than the romance between a man and woman in Utopias. If there is that kind of hetero bullshit mentality there should be no masculine and femnine traits that can affect those kind of relations despite not being monogamous. I would also want to have contact with the other planets in my utopia. 14. Probably definitely no men. I don’t really care if they exist and aren’t here or if they don’t exist i just don’t wanna see one unless i wanna ya kno? Also any homophone or terf or anything is immediately comically ejected out of the city like with a big spring. Actually, they’re ejected directly into a classroom that teaches them to be nice, they deserve a chance i mean what if they’re like 11. I don’t really have any specific aesthetic ideas of what it would look like. God id love to be able to walk around without fear, especially at night. But like aesthetically ya kno ya girl goth. I want drama i want pizazz. I want houses with two long staircases inside. I want ppl out on the streets looking like those fecal matter fashion ppl. Just some wack ass hunger games body mods bcuz when women r left alone i bet they’d all go crazy go stupid. I want the Winchester house with doors leading nowhere and staircases that go into the wall. Not to sound cliche but i looove gothic architecture. Like all the spikes and arches and tall tall spires. I also rlly love the concept of New Orleans. I imagine irl it isn’t how it is in my head but in my head it’s so soooky and magical. Just like witchcraft and vampires and everyone’s wearing silk and velvet or grunge clothes or like chunky sweaters. But just everything is so so old and haunted but the ghosts are nice and the cemeteries bang 15. In my Utopia I would like to walk into my office space without my male coworker making a sexual comment to my face without me giggling at it so I can keep my job and professionalism. I would like to be able to walk at night without thinking where I kept my pen to protect myself if someone attacks me. I would like to go out in NYC at night with my female friends without thinking I need to bring a male friend so he can shoo away the men who don’t let us dance on the dance floor. I would like to be friends with more males without having my brain tell me he might have a different intention with me. I would like to live in a world where if I tell someone I got abused they would believe me and understand I would have no reason to lie about it. Since it's not that simple I would like to live in a world with no men. Women would have tentacles that slapped them out of present day earth and we elevated as a human species where we have wings and our own thrones. The children are generated into angelic creatures where they co-exist with older people and there is no hierarchy. We finally get to live in a world which we deserve. 16. My Utopia is our current day world. Except I wouldn’t want my life to fall under this capitalist framework. There is Utopian socialism in my world. Everyone works together and there is no racism, sexism or xenophobia. Basically remove everything that is wrong with our modern day systems which is almost everything so i feel like i shouldn't even go there but you get the gist. There is no poverty, no diseases, no homelessness. 17. There is death but from a young age we learn to lose our loved ones and hopefully no one in this utopia will have to go through losing a loved one. Trauma and pain do not exist. I guess men shouldn’t exist? But they should! and they should learn how to be emotionally intelligent without having their mother/partner teach them. There should be no gender identity or internalizing the incarnation of heterosexuality. There should be more queer people out on the streets, if heterosexuals can show public display of affection so can queer people (but honestly lets cut the part out where I said hetereos can show PDA). There should be more celebration of friendships. Lets romanticize friendships instead of monogamy. That's my utopia itself. I guess in terms of my personal Utopia I would still want to be in my marriage (if men do exist) but I would want the narrative of co-dependency to disappear. I think in Utopias I wouldn’t want to live in the same house as my husband, at least not at 28. I need more freedom and independence spatially and I’m slowly preaching how marriages don’t need to be codependent and people need to have their own spaces and practices if they want to reach their ultimate utopian space. (idk how you can show marriage as an institution lol) Visually there should be no high rise buildings, and I’m sure there's space for every person in the world to have a home regardless. I would want to see coconut trees, gardens, and lakes around me, and everyone should have space to run around, play and swim!! 18. My Utopia is in the landscape of what hell looks like on Betty Boop and Looney Toons cartoons. There are gates to hell and only abusive men walk through it as we all sit on our thrones and play the role of God. We all hold our tridents with our pets sitting next to us. My cat evolves into a wild panther and eats the men who don't cooperate alive. But the only reason hell exists is to reverse the roles now. Men face the abuse and oppression we and our mothers went through on planet earth. They have a microchip inserted in their brains and play out the roles of everyday women's realities. If they finally learn and understand they can finally go back to earth and try to be decent human beings. If they don’t they are stuck in the role of an oppressed woman their whole lives. The surprise guests in this hell are slave owners and the microchip is inserted in their brains so they can experience what slavery was like as a slave. If they learn from the experience they have the option to set those slaves free and if they don’t they will be incarnated (Octavia Butler whomst!!) 19. My Utopia is Cairo, in that cliche Egyptian setting except with rainbow pyramids and a little more cyber-punk esque. We live in a middle eastern matriarchy. We ride our magic camels. I want it to be techno futurist? So there is technology but we aren’t addicted to tik-tok and instagram for gods sake. I want there to be lakes and oceans where there are mermaids and sea creatures and right now i'm imagining a huge octopus in the middle of the ocean with our houses built on top of the octopus. 20. We are all beings that can either choose to be corporeal and have a physical body or just be a floating consciousness. We can switch in and out of these forms. 21. We can modify our bodies in any way we please just by thinking about it. If you want to be a squiggly plant thing or a fucking circle or a humanoid, it’s up to you. We can talk to/communicate with ‘animals’ and we live in an interspecies society without species hierarchy. Nature first Or better yet, we are indistinguishable. Gender does not exist. Money doesn’t exist. Healthcare is based on kindness. Everyone goes through an hour of ego dissolution once a week. When you die, you acquire all of the Universe’s knowledge 22. utopia is onenessinterconnectedness of all beingsi ask ‘what can i give’ all animate beings, of all types, shades of colorsfruitsbeachi can be as femme as i want without threats of sexual violenceno sexual violenceanimacy of every being is respected + sacredcolor color color color color coloremotional intelligence, taught and centeredrelationship with the land, grown and inherentlive of, live from, live with the landeveryone is teacher and studenthierarchy is ok, as long as for function, not powerguided by the logic of loveheld in the story of abundancecreativity is the fabric of the world, color is the threadlonging for collective liberation is the needleutopia is the potential of knowledge we all have inherent to usround and full possibilitiesutopia is lacking the language to say utopiabecause the english language was not designed for liberation pleasurable freedombut i know it includesmy grandmalogic of lovegood boogie any time day or nightpracticing abundancecolor always aboundtropical beach, tropical mountainsqueerness, indigeneityreciprocal relationshipsspaces to listen and see each other in fullnessnon harmingsex without shamepleasure in the everydayit’s possiblein utopiautopia is the wholeness of all beings, seen and respected,voice of all beings, heard and heldbeing over achievingcreating over controllingfreedom in spirityearning for expansion satisfied by internal growthgains made creative and wisdommultiple realities coexist and respect each otherchoices made out of ever expansive possibilities for the present and futurecollaborationspatial awarenessflexible physics, flexible materialityflexible and humble realitycross dimensionalno hierarchy of beingsi tell my friends i love them and i mean itmy friends ask me if i need anything and they mean itUtopia is I bodyevery interaction informed by the dramatic improbability that i am conscious and the delectable sweetness that i am able to witness the worldThe mountains and the forest and the waterfalls and the blooming flowersall liberatedNonviolence non-entitlement Empowerment, self actualization, tenderness Shadow self held, not castawayAlignment and ritual with the cycles of the seasons, the planetsembodied knowledgecollaboration above individualismall abilities sacrednothing can inflate or deflate self worthdiffering opinions can move in the same directionno one needs power over anotherplentiful food, water, time, energydaily sunset and sunrisespatial awareness rooted in wholeness, interconnectedness with other beingstaught how to hold fear’s hand and bring it along with ussensitivity, vulnerability as valuesflexible appearance

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north-shore-witch · 5 years

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Hi :) I’m not sure what my question is or what I’m looking for. Any response is welcome. I don’t even know where to start. I have an intuition unlike anyone else I know. I am great with animals. Strong connection to the moon and stars. I’m scared to be a witch after being raised around the Christian Bible, although I don’t identify as Christian. I did a full moon ritual for the first time. My ritual was winged by my intuition. After bringing my moon water inside, the water has changed colors.

(cont) There are flower petals in the water, and my logic is telling me that that’s what must have changed the color of the water. There’s no one in my life who I can talk to about any of this. I think differently than anyone else I know and already face judgement. I was told that I was a witch in a past life. I remember being four or five and being strongly attracted to a wand “toy”. I don’t know what to do. Do you have any thoughts? I don’t want to tamper with the dark side, if I am a witch...

I sort of understand what you’re going through. While my mom was a Buddhist and raised me to be open to religion, my father and step-mother are Catholic, as well as most of my family. It’s very scary to feel like you’re not going to be accepted by them, or like you feel they’ll hate you. Despite having been a witch for a very long time now, and having come out to all my friends and being open about it to new acquaintances if they ask, my family still doesn’t know I’m a witch, except for my grandmother and I only told her very recently. So I learned a lot by myself. I didn’t even talk to another witch until I was 18 years old, which is crazy, but it means that a lot of my craft was created by intuition, which is very much a good thing because that’s what witchcraft is. If your heart is guiding you here, I think you owe it to yourself to investigate what it all means.

As for the water, you’re probably right about what happened but that doesn’t make it any less awesome or magical! I’ve always been of the mind that witchcraft is just science that hasn’t been discovered yet. A thousand years ago a lot of the stuff they call science now would have been called witchcraft then. What happened was alchemy, where you had one thing and made it into something else. Nowadays, we call that chemistry, but it’s still hella witchy!

And finally, as for the fears about the dark side of witchcraft, I won’t deny that it’s not there because it is, however, witchcraft is all about intent. If you intend on being a white witch, then darker forces usually leave you alone. Like draws like as it were.

I feel like this was a lot of rambling with no real start or finish, but I hope it helps you anon.

#asks #witch #witch question #moon #moon water #witchcraft #witchblr #moon witch

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the-holistic-mystic · 5 years

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The 13 Goals of a Witch, as interpreted by Killian Elhaz

Know Thyself: On a personal level, this is about knowing who you are and what you want. I think most people underestimate what goes into this process - it involves taking time to be alone with yourself, trekking into the darkest parts of yourself and then identifying/confronting your inner demons. Knowing oneself takes a level of self-honesty that most people are afraid of, being able to recognize that sometimes WE are the problem causing our problems, and it requires the refusal to blame anyone else. Knowing Thyself requires painfully honest reflection and introspection. On a Wiccan level, this goal is about discovering and recognizing who you are within the Craft, what your place is within it, evaluating what the Rede means to you, and recognizing the personal correspondences you have for certain colors, herbs, crystals, and divinatory practices, and then establishing how you want to incorporate these things into your everyday life.

Know Thy Craft: This one is not just about knowing your Witchcraft, however, as a practicing Wiccan, we should always be studying, practicing, and learning our Craft. This goal is also about whatever you decide to do with your life, outside of the Craft. If you want to be an actor, know your craft. If you want to be a lawyer, know your craft. If you want to be an engineer, know your craft. Whatever you decide to do for a living or hobby outside of your spiritual Craft, it is just as crucial to commit yourself to knowing it as deeply as possible.

Learn & Grow: This goal is somewhat a collective culmination of the previous two. The process of knowing thyself and knowing thy craft is a process that requires learning and growing at every level of your being. It’s a process that can be difficult, scary, and painful, but it can also be liberating, empowering, and self-affirming. It’s also important to learn simply for knowledge’s sake, and to grow from that learning in whatever way serves you most.

Apply Knowledge with Wisdom: This goal builds onto all the previous goals in a way that takes all the learning you’ve been doing, and tells you to apply it in a practical way. This goal requires us to move outside our comfort zone in the pursuit of our desires. I’d like to clarify that this goal isn’t necessarily referring to universal wisdom. However, understanding universal wisdom and operating within universal law can only serve you abundantly. The wisdom being referred to here is the wisdom that comes from learning through study and then doing what you’ve learned by putting it into practice, always analyzing your results. By analyzing the results, you learn more, you can subsequently change the way you put things into practice the next time, and from those new results, you gain more knowledge. As my dad always says, “We only gain wisdom after we needed it.” All the while, through trial & error, your wisdom continually grows, you know yourself a little better each time, and you know your craft just a little more deeply.

Achieve Balance: This one I’ve always struggled with - when I get involved in something new, I go ALL in. I become consumed by it. That’s what happened when I found Wicca and Witchcraft. It became my entire life, instead of becoming a part of my life, and in the process, it made me sick. I was way out of balance. Achieving balance requires looking at all the things you’re involved in, determining to what extent you’re engaging in them, and contemplating whether there’s something that is getting too much, or not enough, of your energy. It can also be applied to simple things, like dieting. Completely withholding certain foods you love because they’re “unhealthy” might seem more productive, but on a deeper, karmic level, ‘complete withholding’ is not an energy of balance nor abundance. Balance requires the avoidance of over-indulgence. Allowing yourself to have dessert periodically, or whatever happens to be the thing you love that you deny yourself the pleasure of having, will help keep you in balance on more than a physical level. I used to always keep myself from having sweets when I was trying to be healthy, but I only did so well at it before I felt unhappy or dissatisfied, and eventually I’d ‘relapse’ and end up binging. Now, I spend most of my days eating healthy, but occasionally, I’ll give myself a slice of brownie, or have some candy, just to satisfy my sweet tooth and remind myself of another goal, “Celebrate Life,” and sweets are a small something I want to celebrate about life!

Keep Your Thoughts/Words in Good Order: I had an epiphany about these two goals that changed everything for me. We hear all the time in ‘manifestation’ and ‘law of attraction’ literature and courses that we have to think positive thoughts about the things we want, or even other people. But when it comes to these rules, it became clear that the directions in which these are emanated are opposite one another, but work together harmoniously and with great results. I realized that keeping our words in good order is for others’ benefit, and keeping our thoughts in good order is for our own benefit, and not just for manifestation’s sake. The words we speak to others have the ability to destroy, or to create. To harm, or to heal. Our interactions with others should serve to heal, uplift, and empower others, and ourselves. It doesn’t mean becoming a doormat or never calling out maltreatment and injustice. It does mean that how we engage with others and the quality of those interactions is a huge indicator of our internal environment, and that internal environment is determined by our thoughts. What we think about ourselves, or even what we think about others, will always color our interactions with other people. Recently (a little over a month ago), I was able to detach from my harmful and damaging thoughts by recognizing them as inner demons. They were thoughts that I knew were not true, on a mental level, but they were wreaking havoc on my emotional body. After seeing these demons for what they were, I developed a ritual to vanquish them. Two days prior to the ritual, I believe they knew they were in danger, and they got LOUD. They put in a last ditch effort to win, to conquer my mind and destroy my faith and my spirit. I spent who knows how long in my bed, in the fetal position, bawling my eyes out. I was clutching my stomach because I was in physical pain from the emotions overwhelming me and the wailing, the whole time just letting it happen, but I also became the observer in the process. Through this battle, I was able to confront the horrible things they were saying and I was able to finally deal with the baggage and wounds I’ve carried with me from my childhood. The next day, for the first time in my life, I woke up feeling like a 25 year old man (I’m now 26), instead of a wounded child. On New Years Eve, I performed the ritual and vanquished those demons once and for all. My thoughts have since changed drastically. They’ve become more positive and self-affirming, and when a demon tries to sneak a thought into my head, I’m much better at capturing it and sending it away. Keeping our thoughts in good order is something that comes through the same process as knowing ourselves. When our thoughts are in good order, our words have no choice but to follow suit.

Celebrate Life: This one is simple, but the actual practice thereof seems complex to so many people. Everyday, there are million things to be grateful for, to celebrate. As human beings with complex mental and emotional bodies, we have a tendency to latch onto all the negative things that occur in our experience. All these goals seem to build onto each other beautifully, because as we begin to know ourself and our craft, as we begin to learn, grow, and apply knowledge with wisdom, as we begin to achieve balance, our thoughts change, and so then do our words, and suddenly, it becomes much easier to recognize all the things in life that we can celebrate. A small daily ritual to celebrate life can be saying, “thank you” three times before your feet even touch the ground in the morning. Creating small personal holidays to celebrate seemingly benign occurrences is a way to celebrate life (i.e. I created my own personal pagan holiday called Prima Nix, or ‘first snow’). And of course, starting a gratitude practice is a way of celebrating life - but remember that all those small great things in your experience are there because of YOU. YOU create all things that show up in your experience, so remember to thank yourself for bringing them to yourself. This practice will help affirm your own divinity and your divine creative power!

Attune with the Cycles of Earth: This one is also simple, but requires a level of discipline many Witches (including myself) lack. Keeping the new and full moons, as well as celebrating the sabbats (if you’re Wiccan), is something we should always do both as a way of celebrating life but also maintaining forward momentum in manifesting our intentions for desired outcomes. This means not just keeping the full and new moons, but paying attention to the phase of the moons and making choices aligned to the phases. Work to create new experience during the waxing phases, work to destroy old habits, relationships, and circumstances that no longer serve during the waning phases. For a magickal example, doing banishing work to vanquish inner demons is a practice that should only be engaged in during the waning phases. Mundanely, doing a purge of your clothing would be a great way to channel the waning energy of the moon. Repairs should happen, if possible, during the waxing phases, as you’re drawing in something new. Taking risks and making new choices to create new circumstances should also happen during the waxing phases. Magickally, you would do work to draw in luck, opportunities, etc. This attuning to the cycles keeps our eyes focused on the future from the perspective of the present moment, which is the only place from which we can create (and destroy, which is sometimes necessary for creating new and better circumstances).

Breathe & Eat Correctly: This goal tells us to eat healthy and treat the body we chose for ourselves kindly. This keeps us at our magickal apex. As I mentioned earlier, balance is still important. Allow yourself to indulge here and there, but balance is key. On a more personal level, breathing correctly (to me) doesn’t include smoking, and I do plan on quitting. I haven’t succeeded yet, but it is a goal I have. Breathing correctly also refers to maintaining awareness of our breath, recognizing when we’re anxious or angry, and using the breath to keep those emotions in check.

Exercise the Body: This one needs no explanation. Get off your ass and challenge yourself physically, provided you’re able-bodied enough to do so. If you’re a person with a disability, see if there are exercises that can be done by people with your condition. There are a multitude of ways to push ourselves, physically. Look for ones that you’re able to do, practice them safely, and do your best. This goal and the previous one are both to help keep you at your magickal (and physical) apex. As a witch, there is nothing more important than keeping your creative power at its peak.

Meditate: This one I haven’t done as well with implementing; I go a few days doing it routinely and then fall off. I’ll get there though; I’m a determined and ambitious Witch. Meditation ties into many other goals, such as breathing correctly, knowing yourself, and keeping your thoughts in good order. Meditation is not only our connection to the present moment, our current physical human experience, but it’s also our direct-connect to the divine and the spirit worlds. Achieving balance means being just as engaged in our physical world as we are in our spiritual world. When the two are in harmony, we are unstoppable. This harmony is best found through meditation. As High Priestess Morgana Moonwater of Coven of the Raven Moon always says, “Meditation is the key that opens every door.”

Honor the Goddess & God: This one, I feel, seems somewhat distant for a lot of Witches. They want to honor the Lord & Lady, but aren’t quite sure how to do it, or how to know if what they do is bringing honor to them. The truth is, if we’re living by the Rede and striving for all the aforementioned goals and implementing them as best we can, there is nothing that honors the Goddess & God more. For me, apart from living by the Rede and striving for the goals, I’ve gotten into the practice of unfiltered prayer within a conjured circle. Once in circle, I light a god & goddess candle and ask for their presence, and then I just talk to them. I’ve had full-on emotional breakdowns before the Lord & Lady, within circle. I’ve spent a whole prayer session just giving thanks to them for being with me and empowering me to make the choices necessary to create the things I was grateful for in my experience. This is my way of honoring them in a more intimate and personal way, by developing a genuine relationship with them.

Please note:

This is my own personal interpretation of the 13 Goals of a Witch, but I pray they speak to a part of your being and ignite a small fire within you to reflect on your own life, and motivate you to find new and innovative ways to implement them into your own experience! May my own experience serve as the springboard for continued growth and spiritual expansion within you!

In the highest good of all beings,

Killian Elhaz

» Certified Soul Realignment® Practitioner and Owner of Record Keyper® Akashic Record Reading & Clearing

» Co-Owner, OfTheNorth™ Occult Shoppe

» Certified Usui Reiki Ryoho, Level II Energy Healer

» Certified Life Coach & Accredited Spiritual Life Coach

» Third Year-and-a-Day Dedicant, Priest-in-Training, and Coven Scribe & Historian, Coven of the Raven Moon.

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lair-of-books · 4 years

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WWW Wednesday is a meme hosted by Sam @ Taking On a World of Words and to participate all you have to do is answer the three W’s listed below. Once you’ve posted your WWW, drop a link to your post in Sam’s comments <3’s!

The questions: 1. What are you currently reading? 2. What did you recently finish reading? 3. What do you think you’ll read next?

January has been very good to me & I’m really hoping this streak continues. Hot off the heels from #Smutathon I’ve already started to tackle my ARC spreadsheet while still picking books off my back-list (2020 Resolution). The ONLY real challenge to my reading time has been Netflix, Lé struggle! I walked away from a recent friends dinner with a small list of recommendations & I now live, breathe, speak Schitt’s Creek SMH…

Tweet Cute by Emma Lord –

“All’s fair in love and cheese ― that is, until Pepper and Jack’s spat turns into a viral Twitter war. Little do they know, while they’re publicly duking it out with snarky memes and retweet battles, they’re also falling for each other in real life ― on an anonymous chat app Jack built.” – Goodreads

This was just about all I had to read before requesting it on Edelweiss. I read 25% of this book today & had to pry myself away from my Kindle. It’s witty & addictive, I LOVE jumping into this story when I have time to cuddle up with it. Otherwise I TRULY struggle putting it down. EARLY PREDICTION: This may be 5 star worthy *fingers crossed*

SKYWARD (SKYWARD #1) by Brandon Sanderson –

Defeated, crushed, and driven almost to extinction, the remnants of the human race are trapped on a planet that is constantly attacked by mysterious alien starfighters. Spensa, a teenage girl living among them, longs to be a pilot. When she discovers the wreckage of an ancient ship, she realizes this dream might be possible—assuming she can repair the ship, navigate flight school, and (perhaps most importantly) persuade the strange machine to help her. Because this ship, uniquely, appears to have a soul. -Goodreads

I’m about 20% into Skyward & have already grown fond of Spensa who is fierce & ambitious. When I picked this one up I had no idea this featured a close father/daughter relationship which I’m ALWAYS in search of in my books. Sanderson also happens to be one of the very few male authors who in my opinion writes female characters well. EARLY PREDICTION: This will probably be my first 5 star YA/Sci-Fi of the year *fingers crossed*

BEAUTIFUL DREAMER BY MELISSA BRAYDEN

This past weekend I finished reading Beautiful Dreamer by Melissa Brayden (Smutathon Wrap-up), a F/F Romance set in a beach side town I’d HIGHLY recommend to anyone who’d listen *heart eyes* I have a full review coming over the next few days & plans to make my way through Brayden’s backlist. Beautiful Dreamer is a small town romance with a cast of colorful characters you can’t help but get invested in 😉

DARK AND DEEPEST RED BY ANNA-MARIE McLEMORE

Summer, 1518. A strange sickness sweeps through Strasbourg: women dance in the streets, some until they fall down dead. As rumors of witchcraft spread, suspicion turns toward Lavinia and her family, and Lavinia may have to do the unimaginable to save herself and everyone she loves.

Five centuries later, a pair of red shoes seal to Rosella Oliva’s feet, making her dance uncontrollably. They draw her toward a boy who knows the dancing fever’s history better than anyone: Emil, whose family was blamed for the fever five hundred years ago. But there’s more to what happened in 1518 than even Emil knows, and discovering the truth may decide whether Rosella survives the red shoes.

With McLemore’s signature lush prose, Dark and Deepest Redpairs the forbidding magic of a fairy tale with a modern story of passion and betrayal.

-Goodreads

Having only read When the Moon Was Ours by McLemore in 2016, my backlist for this author is growing. Lyrical, lush, atmospheric, haunting are just a few of the words that describe this authors writing. I was very lucky to get approved on Edelweiss but could’ve sworn I had another week before publication date. Whelp! I was wrong (unless it was bumped up) & will absolutly be reading this next. EARLY PREDICTION: McLemore can do no wrong in my eyes, only the highest of hopes here for a new favorite.

At the time this post goes live I will probably be making my way through Grace & Frankie season 6 which premieres TODAYYYY!!! *clutches pearls* let’s hope my reading doesn’t take a complete hit this week…

🖤FOLLOW LAIR OF BOOKS🖤

Instagram: @LairOfBooks

Twitter: @LairOfBooks

Goodreads: LairOfBook

WWW Wednesday 1/15/2020 WWW Wednesday is a meme hosted by Sam @ Taking On a World of Words and to participate all you have to do is answer the three W’s listed below.

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jnanajanani · 5 years

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Finding our Voice

In general I find that one of the things many women chronically suffer from is the search to “find” their voice. Actually suffer; sometimes feeling strangled, trapped, anxious, or in general just full with no release. I speak for myself in this as well. It’s what prevented me from singing, and then writing for many years.

Why do we struggle so hard to find just the right voice? Each of us have our history and that plays a part in it. Maybe we weren’t allowed to speak much growing up, or if we did we were condemned or ridiculed. I believe it goes much deeper than this. Even though many of us grew up in a modern society being educated, employed to the top ranks and able to develop platforms to be heard, I believe there is also something deep in our bones, cellular memory perhaps, that quiets us. Perhaps it was from the time in which women’s natural wisdom was no longer seen as valid due to scientific advancement: I think of the medical field and how at one point it was understood that the earth provided all we needed for health and then synthetic medicines were created, perhaps providing quicker recovery, and natural wisdom was disregarded, and eventually became labeled as witchcraft. Women were often the bearers of this earthly knowledge. Many were misunderstood - often deliberately - and their words and abilities were used against them even though their intentions were pure. Maybe there is still some memory from when only men were educated and women were told they knew nothing because they did not read books. Self-doubt about what we knew inherently versus what men were being told was true. Maybe it’s about how in many religions women are labeled as inferior in the eyes of God, and are meant only to serve man and populate the world.

There’s so many possible reasons why we might feel cut off from our own voice. Yet now, in this time, it’s almost as if we cannot hold it down any longer. Or at least that’s my experience. Even if we try our bodies won’t let us - we get sick in some way; physically, emotionally.

And we want to get it “just right”. We don’t want to be misunderstood. It takes trial and error. Some go to extremes, really blasting it out…other’s use words that have already been said, memes and quotes, and voicing their agreement with “Yes! This is how I feel, too!”

And some do a bit of both, some instances more extreme and some more down low…finding the balance, just the right nuance to the rhythm, the words, the tone. Or it’s in the colors, the image, the movement, or in whatever way most closely matches our insides.

There is a desire to release what is held inside. I think most art is that…turning oneself inside out. Sometimes we want others to witness it and sometimes we don’t. We want it to live outside of us so we don’t feel so congested, we need space. Maybe if we can see/hear/read it, the mind feels better because it can understand it in some way. If the mind doesn’t understand something it can get very irritated.

The struggle to find just the right tone, words, energy seems to be a particularly female issue, from what I’ve noticed. That’s not to say men don’t struggle sometimes as well but there doesn’t seem to be as much concern about it. If most men have something to say they often just say it. (Although in this day and age men are needing to be, and are being a bit more particular with words they use and the context in which they are used.) With many women, I find that we are more cautious, wanting the words to express truth at multiple levels and wanting that truth to be understood as such. Classic differences between traits of linear versus varied, textured, complex. And we’re just now feeling that we can speak in this way. That being direct and straightforward isn’t always necessary, particularly when it comes to self-expression. We’re allowed to take up more space now, and that’s resulted in us being more willing to do so.

I don’t want to be just another person spouting off their experiences & passing it off as some heightened knowledge. With social media it feels like no matter what you say someone has something to criticize about it…men & women alike. Maybe you used a word they don’t like or is slightly off in definition, or maybe they’ve just grouped you into a whole segment of people so they don’t hear you as an individual and they jump on anything they can to invalidate you as the group. Maybe they feel you should be talking about something else that they feel is more important. So I tend to just not broadcast much personal opinion, as in the end it’s all just opinion. But when it comes to this insatiable thirst for self-expression, I know I need to find an outlet.

Even though I feel quite confident about who I am as a woman, the expression, in written form for me right now, is where I still hesitate. It’s not about a conscious self-worth issue. It’s an acknowledgment that I am still inhibited by some unconscious beliefs about speaking up. I’m okay with taking up public space, as long as it is contributed from a place of clear intention, and not just taking up space to take up space. (I’m talking about public forums like social media, not about needing a purpose in order to feel worthy of taking up space.) I believe everything is energy/vibration, and words hold strong vibration. Language, just like me, has many layers and colors and tones. I have tried many times to learn other languages to give me a more expanded vocabulary to choose from, but for some reason the languages never really hold. It’s like the Universe is saying that I must learn to communicate impeccably in English as this is the audience that needs to hear you right now. I have a deep desire to have my words be received fully with the true intention behind them. This doesn’t mean there isn’t room for personal interpretation…that is only natural. But I want to give the full feel of the words, not just the sound or spelling.

In my astrological chart I have Venus in Aries. one of the qualities of this aspect, along with how the rest of my chart is laid out, is the Warrior Goddess/Defender of Cosmic Order archetype. I also have Saturn conjunct Venus, which can tend to be a bit self-punishing in the “who do you think you are” kind of way (see above references.🙄 I was told this years ago and reminded again just recently. Understanding this as a potential trait of mine helped me to be a bit softer with myself about my eagerness to speak up when I could see things - often times well before others could see - were happening in a way that was harmful and then beating myself up for speaking up about it because no one listened. These traits do run deep in me though, and part of my evolution in this lifetime has included transcending even these aspects that are believed to written in the stars. I’ve gotten much more skillful in my expression and my plan is to just keep writing until it smooths out fully.

I’ve noticed over the past few years there is a segment of women, mainly late 20s-30s, who are having their own awakening experiences and then tend to use the word f@*k a lot. I’m not sure why this is. It might be because there is this adamant refusal to have any sense of being caged or limited, and so they use this language which is bold and aggressive to exemplify this determination. If men of any age used that same type of language I think most people would find them aggressive and not be as drawn to them as they are to the women who use the same language. Women who use it are thought of as “sassy”, not necessarily so aggressive. It’s not a “bad” thing, it’s just something that is very noticeable to me. As I watch them over the years I see their language mellow out a bit and they realize they don’t have to always be so “on”, and then there’s a new crop that comes up. I guess it’s all part of discovering and trying out all parts of us.

I sound old.

Ha. I’m okay with that. I feel pretty good about my journey and where I am now, and can see myself in so many others as we all continue to experience this play of Life. And I’m going to write about it.

#femininewisdom #spirituality #thejourneycontinues

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lov3nerdstuff · 4 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 3.4}

*Severus Snape x OC*

General warnings: professor x student (however no underage romance), blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 3.6k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

Hogsmeade was quite as underwhelming as Robin had anticipated, but she found that she enjoyed it nonetheless. High street was crowded with students of all ages, as well as with adults of all ages, which overall was something Robin didn't enjoy. However the shops and taverns looked rather appealing in their particular aesthetic, and she made sure to actually take the time to visit some of them the next time she came here. Today however, she was on a mission.

Finding the way Professor Snape had described was easier than expected, and Robin had to snort at the sheer understatement of him saying students rarely came this way… Everything that lay off high street was practically void of any life in general! Deserted so much that she felt comfortable immediately. No people was better than too many people.

The walk to the shop wasn't actually all that long long, but then again, it was a really small village in general, so this was not at all surprising. Soon, Robin stood in front of the black building with the gold inscription and gave it a lookover. The place seemed dubious, gloomy and just so incredibly low profile that it must undoubtedly be important. Just the place she would expect nobody but Snape to know about. Now… she only needed to gather up the courage to go in. With a deep breath, Robin built up her walls to force all anxiety and doubt out of her mind. If there had ever been a time to allow herself to be bold, it was now. Bold, and stoic, and serious… sound familiar much? Robin rolled her eyes at herself, and opened the door.

"Scurry off, kid… This isn't a place for the innocent." A scratchy male voice greeted Robin the very moment she set foot into the shop.

"If you talk to all customers like that, I'm not surprised that I'm the only one in here. And the first in just how long…? Going by the dust on the shelves and the look on your face, I'd say it's been a while." She shot right back, a perfect copy of calm indifference on her face, even though her heart beat like crazy. No place for the innocent indeed.

The man's eyebrows lifted higher than Robin thought possible, and he let out a small laugh in accordance with his astonished expression. "Fast mouth for such a little thing… Say, how old are you anyway?"

Robin completely ignored the question and simply looked at the man for a moment, making it clear that she wasn't here to chat. Then she went straight to the core of her presence. "I need a variety of ingredients for a potion and I was told I could get them here."

The man lifted an eyebrow at Robin again, but his superior smirk vanished to make room for a neutral expression. Good, maybe he would actually start taking her seriously now. "You want to talk business, alright… Who told you that you could find what you need here, with me?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes! It matters because I haven't made my mind up if I'm gonna screw you over or not, and your affiliations could play an important part in that decision."

"Who says I can be screwed over in the first place?" Honestly, Robin didn't know why she didn't just tell the man that Snape had sent her. It would likely make things way easier for her to just rely on the professor's reputation. But then again, exactly that was the issue: Robin wanted to be taken seriously for her own sake. And she would never achieve that if she placed herself in Snape's shadow now. Then she'd never be more than the little errand girl.

"You'd be surprised who I've already conned… Wizards far more experienced, and witches far greater than you." The man chuckled. "But I like you, kid. No funny business. What do you need?"

Tersely, Robin read the list of ingredients to him and he moved through the room behind the counter to gather up the various things in return. A minute later, he placed what she'd asked for on the counter. Almost what she'd asked for.

"This isn't Abraxan hair. But you surely knew that already, seeing as you tried selling it to me. It's probably Granian, isn't it?" Robin commented with an (admittedly feigned) unimpressed expression. "I'll grant it to you, they're very similar, but not enough to fool me. You see, while Granian is originally grey in color, it can bleach out enough to turn white naturally. That however, even in the best cases, leaves it with just a hint of an undertone of a different color. Abraxan hair on the other hand is purely white by nature, and thus void of every and any undertone. Looking at this, there's definitely more grey than white in it, wouldn't you say?"

Now the man's jaw dropped in anything BUT amusement, and he looked as incredulous as any person probably could. Surely he hadn't seen that coming… but Robin for her part merely kept looking at him in perfect neutrality. After half a minute of dead silence, he finally spoke up with the first honest expression he had worn since Robin had entered the shop. "Who the hell are you?"

"Someone you don't want to screw over no matter who I'm affiliated with. Now, would you be so kind and bring me the correct ingredients?"

"As you wish." He replied immediately, finally void of all humor and joke, and went back to the shelves to bring out what looked like the same seven ingredients already present on the counter. Those ones he merely swiped out of the way, and placed the new items down with much more care than the first time. "Is this everything you need?"

Robin let her eyes travel over the ingredients slowly, considering and foremost conscious of the fact that she was being watched. The Abraxan hair now looked like what Robin assumed it was supposed to… and that was about everything she could tell. Honestly, to her, all of the other ingredients looked exactly the same as before. She had absolutely no knowledge about any of these items, leave alone any clue to identify if they were what they were supposed to be. It had merely been her dumb luck yet again that she had recently read an article about freaking Abraxan hair and it's astonishing similarities to Granian hair, and even more dumb luck that she had been right in calling him out. Dumb luck was rarely deserved… But she would still take as much of it as she could, as it obviously had just sufficed to make this man believe that she knew more than she actually did.

With her neutral facade still running smoothly, she looked back up at him behind the counter. "Yes, this will be everything. For now."

"You're freaking me out, Miss, but I do respect your knowledge. Not many people would've known the difference between those hairs, and I least expected it from s-..." He stopped mid-sentence as he noticed Robin's glare, then a muscle in his jaw ticked and he avoided her eyes in fairly obvious discomfort. "...from someone like you. This will be sixty five galleons."

"For account of Severus Snape."

"Bloody hell…" The man groaned and hid his face in his hands. "You're with him?!"

"Do you have a problem with that?" Robin rose her eyebrows in question and stared him down again, which clearly seemed to make him even more uncomfortable. On the inside, Robin's pride did a happy dance… she really was doing Snape justice here.

"Let's say I have a lot of respect for that man… But you're no better than him, looking like you can kill with your glares…" He made a face that was almost the opposite of the mocking distaste he'd shown her when she'd entered the shop. "Just take your stuff and go, will ya?"

With a small, innocent smile Robin packed the ingredients into her backpack and then looked back at the man once more while she made for the exit. "Thank you for your assistance. Have a nice day." Without waiting for a reply, she opened the door and let herself out into the street at last.

She managed to keep her neutral facade up until she took the first turn back towards high street. Then the grin on her face widened until it was simply unstoppable, and she had to walk up and down the alley a few times to calm down her racing heart and her lasting excitement. Bloody hell, that had been both absolutely exhilarating and absolutely frightening all at once. Robin couldn't believe that she had actually managed to be intimidating all on her own, and that she'd been taken seriously because of that. No wonder Snape preferred everyone to be intimidated by him… it surely was a good way to get respect.

Finally her heartbeat slowed down, and Robin made her way back to high street with a small smile. If she wasn't mistaken, there was a candy shop here in Hogsmeade… and Snape would surely still be stuck with David until dinner. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to visit that shop before heading back to the castle… maybe it wouldn't hurt to do something normal for once.

… … …

It was late afternoon when Robin left Hogsmeade to head back to the castle, not long after her quick visit to the candy shop had come to a rather sudden end when she had felt absolutely overwhelmed by a horde of people storming the shop, which then had resulted in Robin's immediate departure. Unfortunately, this was exactly the time when most other students decided to return to the school as well, which left Robin stuck in an entire throng of people on their slow trod back to Hogwarts.

"Didn't expect to see you here, jay, out of all people…" A boy one year above Robin spoke up as he fell into line with her. She didn't know him, not really… she only knew that he was one of the Slytherins who took particular joy in bullying her for some reason. She had never cared enough to find out more about him than that though.

"But then again, David did say something like that." He mused, shrugging, then skipped a step ahead and walked backwards as he looked at Robin. "He also said something about you getting him into trouble with Professor Snape, do you happen to know anything about that?"

Robin continued to ignore him, and simply looked at a point far behind his shoulder as she walked on. This kid was friends with David? And David had spilled the tea on the events of last night? Great… that certainly didn't make it easier to ignore his mocking. Robin would just have to stay neutral and ignore this incident, same as always. But obviously the boy wouldn't have that, and neither would his friends who Robin only noticed closing in as they had formed a loose circle around her already. Oh geez, she really wasn't in the mood to deal with these idiots right now… today had already been exhausting enough as it is.

"David said you would be running some errands for Snape today… Is that what you were doing in Hogsmeade?" He frowned at Robin with a mean grin. "You're such a teacher's pet, you know that jay?"

"If that's what it takes to talk to someone other than you idiots for a while, then yes, I'm indeed a teacher's pet. Happily." She replied at last, refusing to let that be used as an insult against her. Getting along with her professors was a good thing, getting along with Snape was great, even, and nobody could convince her otherwise.

"So what is it that you did for him in town? Got him some new torture device? Or poisoned a few people?" The boy mocked, and his friends proved themselves to be loyal peasants as they laughed about his every joke. Again, Robin decided to say nothing. Even if that wouldn't stop them from being jerks, it at least wouldn't make her one of them. Insults never led anywhere other than to more insults, and Robin could very well refrain from getting involved in it. That however was until their strategy changed from insults to actions. "Why don't we take a look into that backpack of yours, huh? See what you hide in there…"

In an instant, the boys beset her and the bag was ripped from her shoulders while they held her arms at her sides with two boys each. Alright, neutrality went a long way with Robin, but this was a step too far. In a natural response of fight or flight, she chose to fight indeed and moved to free her arms, actually succeeding in that, before she lunged at the boy in front of her. Nope, she wouldn't let this vile creature touch any of her belongings.

The boy barely escaped Robin as she jumped at him, but before she could make any attempt to either go at him again or draw her wand, he dashed off together with his friends, Robin's bag still in his hands. In an instant she was after them, not even caring if she had to push people out of the way or go at a full sprint over uneven ground to catch up with them. She would get that bag back, no matter what. This was the third time today she was forcefully reminded that she was only a student, one who didn't fit into her house, one who couldn't escape the cage she had been put into, one who couldn't even prevent getting involved in the childish behavior and shenanigans of her peers. However this time, for once, she had no other choice but to get her hands dirty as well.

… … …

It was over an hour later when Robin made it back into the castle, her bag clutched tightly in her blood and mud covered hands. Hopefully nobody would see her like this. Hopefully she could sneak past everyone despite the stupid limp caused by a twisted ankle. Hopefully… this day would just be over soon. Every step felt like a knife to the core, every inch of her skin burnt like it was clawed open and dipped in salt, and every muscle felt like it was ripped apart anew with each movement. Put shortly, Robin was in quite a bit of pain, but she refused to allow herself to cry over it, to even be bothered by it at all. She wouldn't give them that last pleasure, not even in their absence. She refused to acknowledge that their sheer idiocy had resulted in her getting hurt, even if it hadn't been their intention. There was only a certain capacity for emotions Robin could endure every day, and today she had long run out.

Once she caught sight of herself in the glass of a cabinet, she still had to close her eyes for a moment to force away the anger, and the embarrassment. Honestly, she could be partaking in a contest for the best zombie costume… only that the blood and cuts covering her skin were her own, and the dark bruise forming on her cheekbone was only one of the many that remained hidden under her clothes. However she still considered herself lucky as she made her way to the dungeons, entirely unseen and soon swallowed by darkness. She had gotten her backpack back, and it was still as good as it had been this morning, with its entire contents merely a little shaken up from the run but otherwise in perfectly ordinary condition. The same thing really couldn't be said about her own self, but quite frankly Robin worried more about her possessions than about her body. Bodies healed, objects didn't. Especially not rare potions ingredients that weren't even her possession in the first place.

Robin's feet carried her to the door of the potions classroom without detours, but before she opened the door she took a moment to remind herself of what she would likely find behind this door. The reason for her catastrophical evening going down like it had in the first place, and thus the (even if indirect) reason for the agonizing pain she was in. David. Truth be told, Robin felt very tempted to burst into the room at once and torture that boy without even having to voice a single spell and before he even realized that she was there. But that revenge would be short lived, unproductive and highly inappropriate, even if probably very satisfying for a very short moment. This was the same situation she'd been confronted with in her first year with Alexander, only on a different scale… and she wouldn't make the same mistake twice. She'd try to be better this time.

After taking a deep and thereby slightly painful breath, Robin opened the door and walked into the room with as little limping as she could. Slowly and forcefully calmly she walked towards the front of the classroom where Professor Snape hadn't even bothered looking up from the book on his desk. Perhaps he was so focused on whatever he was reading that he hadn't noticed Robin's fairly silent entry… He didn't look like he was deliberately ignoring her, at least.

On her way to the front, Robin focused her entire attention on Snape, thus on her own part deliberately ignoring David and two other students who were sitting at their own desks and probably writing up some assignments. They, however, didn't ignore her.

"Bloody hell, what happened to you?!" David of course was the first to blurt out the obvious, though in a tone so entirely amused that Robin felt tempted to reconsider her decision on torturing him. "Looks like you've finally fallen out of your ivory tower, huh?"

That at last got Snape's attention, and his eyes lifted off the book in lightning speed to find David across the room, however his gaze came to a sudden halt on Robin instead. The sheer amount of barely noticeable microexpressions flashing over his face right then would have sufficed to keep Robin thinking for an hour at the least, but she wasn't granted that time before he was back to neutrality and addressing her in the gravest of tones. "What happened?"

"I would rather tell you about that without… the additional ears, sir." Robin brought out in a quiet and calm voice that however was just a bit too breathy to not give away how she truly felt. In pain, but also surprisingly numb. Looks like she really had run out of any emotional capacity for the day.

Snape's eyes moved from Robin to the clock on the wall, then to the three other students sitting in the room, and finally back to Robin. "Detention will be over when dinner starts, in approximately forty minutes. If you have no other obligations, you should wait for me in my laboratory."

The laboratory? Goodness, Robin wouldn't be able to decline that no matter how much pain she was in. "Thank you, sir, I will do just that."

"You know how to enter." He merely replied with another of those pointed looks and finally turned his eyes back down to his book.

Robin could tell that he wasn't reading though. The muscles in his jaw were clenching, even if only subtly, and he looked way too tense to be focusing on anything but the room around him. Yet, she understood that this wasn't the place for further conversation, as of her own request, and thus she made her way back to the door with quick steps that hurt more than could be healthy. Three pairs of eyes followed Robin as she grabbed the doorframe too tightly to replace a pained hiss, opened the door abruptly and almost fell into the hallway before slamming it shut again. So much for being subtle.

The walk was luckily short and dark, and Robin found that she could enter the lab with the same spell as the classrooms indeed, but this time she made the effort to lock the door behind herself with the corresponding spell for once. Only then she felt like she could finally loosen the grasp on her bag, could finally allow herself to hurt, could take a true breath at last. The small space really had a calming effect on her, even now. She didn't bother lighting up the candles before she dropped her bag in a corner and sat down on the floor with her back against the side of one of the shelves. Having the wood pressing her jumper against her sore skin wasn't the most pleasant feeling, but sitting at last was enough of a relief to still allow a deep relaxation to wash over her nonetheless. Now that the adrenaline was slowly wearing off and the necessity to protect herself was withdrawing in her head, she felt surprisingly dizzy as she stared out of the window into the last bits of dark grey sky that were slowly taken over by blackness. Before she knew it, the blackness had swallowed her as well.

______________________________

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flauntpage · 7 years

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Thinks: Mel Potter on EthnoFeminist Art

Interview and visual essay by Lise McKean

Melissa Hilliard Potter is an interdisciplinary artist, curator, writer, and co-founder of the Papermaker’s Garden at Columbia College in Chicago, where she is an associate professor of Art and Art History. We began our conversation in the Papermaker’s Garden on a late afternoon in June, just after a sudden shower made the soil fragrant.

Mel Potter in the Papermaker’s Garden at 620 S. Wabash in Chicago

Lise: Since we’re starting out in the Papermaker’s Garden, let’s begin with hearing about what you are growing this year in your raised bed garden here in the Loop?

Mel: I’m focusing on a perennial bed dedicated to the idea of pleasure for women. Last year’s Papermaker Garden included the Roe v. Wade and Bosnian Magic beds. After much focus on women’s biology, I decided that the most feminist investigation I could do this year would be to investigate pleasure.

The plants I’ve selected are for pleasing the nose and eyes—and for psychotropic recreation. For example, I’m growing absinthe and burdock in my Plants of Pleasure bed. My partner in the Papermaker’s Garden, Maggie Puckett, has a bed for growing plants she discovered while investigating witches, some of whom were her ancestors. She calls it Witchcraft and Colonial Warfare.

Poster for 2017 Plants of Pleasure Garden

Lise: I’m curious about the psychotropic plants—what brings them to your garden?

Mel: I’ve been doing research on women shamans because a lot of the psychotropic vision work in traditional societies is very male-centric. I’m interested in the intersection of psychotropic recreation, visionary quests and experiences, and consciousness-raising. I’m going to explore how these plants can be turned into psychotropic materials. I’m also looking at some of them for their calming and anti-anxiety effects. Some of these plants can be recreational as well.

Lise: Being around plants is intensely sensual, engaging our senses of touch, smell, taste, sight, and even hearing. Culture shapes the experience and use of plants, too. How do the plants in the Papermaker’s Garden mesh with your work as an artist?

Mel: All my work is about female culture. It ranges from contemporary feminist practice to female ethnobotanical and intangible heritage, which is made up of traditional craft practices. I explore how these are distinct languages and forms of communication and history-making. They parallel recorded history, but are completely different ways to interpret the world. I’m always on a quest to search for practices with the potential to reveal something that could be transformative. We’re unaware of them because they’re not included in dominant narratives.

The craft practices I explore range from bio-culinary traditions and handmade felt rugs to women’s tattoo cults and hand papermaking. These are tremendously under-recorded practices that reveal fascinating narratives.

2015 Food, Sex, and Death dinner party in the Papermaker’s Garden celebrating the Hull House Wage Worker research on brothels located at garden’s site at the turn of the 20th Century

Lise: Mention of tattoo cults appear here and there in ethnography. Tell me more about the one that interests you and how you came across it.

Mel: When I was in the Republic of Georgia I saw a pagan ritual taking place on the street that I identified as similar to a film I had done in South Serbia. My colleague Clifton Meador bought the book, Tattooed Mountain Women and Spoonboxes of Daghestan in preparation for our work in Georgia. I wrote to Robert Chenciner, one of the book’s authors, asking him whether the designs I saw in the pagan ritual were the same as those in the women’s tattoo cult in the same region. He wrote back a long email and so began our friendship.

Women use similar symbols from the “book of life” for her children, her parents, her illnesses. It’s an old tradition. There are still many tattoo practices. All the symbols come down to a few basic things. Don’t mess with my crops. Don’t mess with my family. Protect me from evil and the evil eye. A lot of the designs are plant based and burdock is one of them. Some ethnobotanical designs are used over and over. A traditional woman has repertoire of images. Through color and image she can tell a specific story, just as a rug can tell a story about its family.

Ethnographer Robert Chenciner holding a rare hand-felted rug from Daghestan

Lise: These tattoo cults give women a way to record on their own bodies events in their lives that are important to them. Tattooed Mountain Women must be fascinating. Traveling back to your garden here in downtown Chicago, what happens to all the plants at the end of the growing season?

Mel: We’ve learned that a perennial garden is a year-round phenomenon. We let some of the plants go to seed because it’s good for pollinator bugs. Many of the crops are cut and cooked and made into paper to use for artwork. During the winter months, I work on making the paper at the Center for Book and Paper Arts.

Lise: How do you run the garden as a collaborative project?

Mel: We invite people as guest gardeners and community guests. The South Loop Alliance has a bed with us. We invite graduate students at Columbia. We help out each other with watering, weeding, and events here at the garden. Running a ten-bed garden would be impossible without a group of collaborators. My project with Maggie Puckett, Seeds InService is the garden’s other main project.

Flax handmade paper laminates, pulp painting, and electroluminescent (EL) wire embeds by Melissa Potter

Lise: You describe yourself as an interdisciplinary artist. Did you start out that way?

Mel: I’m the director of the Interdisciplinary Arts MFA program at Columbia. Interdisciplinarity is naturally collaborative. My personal interdisciplinary practice is ethnographic. I don’t consider myself a botanical expert.

I started in print and paper because it’s a family legacy. My grandmother was a printer and painter. My aunt was a letter press printer. My mother is a quilter, knitter, and crafter. It started there. My high school yearbook said I wanted go into anthropology. Everything I’ve done since then goes into that direction.

Lise: As an anthropologist, I’ve known some who knew from childhood that’s what they wanted to do. Where did your interest come from at such a young age?

Mel: My grandmother, aunt, and I aunt studied a lot of pre-Christian goddess cults. Women scholars were starting to write female-centered ethnography. My grandmother and I went to Crete and drew at goddess sites. She called her journal, “Melissa, the Minoans, and Me.”

Lise: How did you find your way to merging art and ethnography? Were you doing that in art school, or did it come later?

Mel: I have to credit Columbia primarily. After finishing grad school, I spent 12 years in New York City leading a traditional art life showing in alternative galleries and collaborative spaces. When Columbia hired me in the Interdisciplinary program, I was given free rein to explore curatorially, artistically, and critically the interdisciplinary space. It’s a distinctive program. It’s no accident that my strongest work comes out of my time here when I was institutionally supported to do these off the grid things like tattoo cults and paper cultures. I’ve been here now for 10 years.

Lise: From the wide world of peoples and cultures, where did your interest in Bosnia and Serbia come from? Is that your ethnic background?

Mel: My grandmother and I sponsored a Bosnian refugee in the 1990s. She was in Croatia as a refugee. Her village was ethnically cleansed and then the Serbian militia turned it into a rape camp. I was reunited with her in 2015. By then I had spent 20 years exploring the arts, culture, and ethnography of the larger Balkan region. I didn’t work in Bosnia until recently.

Poster for the 2016 Bosnian Magic Garden, dedicated to Potter’s grandmother and Zejna. View is from Zejna’s front window.

Lise: That’s an intense commitment.

Mel: It was obsessively captivating to me. I used to go two or three times a year. I’ve been there 35 times, staying up to six months at a time.

Lise: I haven’t yet had a chance to see your film, Like Other Girls Do. Congratulations on all the attention it’s been getting since it came out in 2015. You’ve told me it grew out of your interest in the custom of sworn virgins in Montenegro and Albania.

Mel: The film is a collaboration with the Ethnographic Museum in Belgrade. It’s 30 minutes and explores another female-centric traditional cultural practice. When there are no boys born in a family, a girl is raised as a boy to inherit the father’s property. I interviewed Stana Cerovic, the self-proclaimed last sworn virgin of Montenegro. I was exploring Stana’s legacy. She died in October 2016. The film also includes my interviews with five women in the Balkans under the age of 40, and their thoughts about personal identity and gender expression.

I’m working on a second part of the project about how to create a legacy in an environment that doesn’t record us. Stana isn’t in her family tree, even though she made the sacrifice to be a boy. In all likelihood, she was not buried as a man even though she wanted to (I am waiting for confirmation from my ethnographer colleagues in the region). I find it heart breaking that they’re not only forgotten, but if they’re remembered, it’s falsified. There’s no reward for the sacrifice.

vimeo

Lise: What does the role of virginity play in this tradition?

Mel: They’re called sworn virgins because they take an oath of virginity. They don’t marry. They usually live with their families or alone. They can’t have a heteronormative relationship.

Lise: How does the film contextualize this tradition within contemporary culture?

Mel: Like Other Girls Do is about Stana’s village and about death. The story shows her visit to the cemetery where her family members are buried and explores the issue of how she will be remembered. I asked a graffiti artist to make a tag for Stana. The film ends with her making Stana’s tag on the streets of Belgrade. I wanted the women I interviewed to connect with Stana in a two-way conversation.

Stana Cerovic with photograph of herself dressed as a man. Photo by Melissa Potter

Lise: Did they make the connection? What happened between the women?

Mel: I think they reflected on Stana’s story. They asked themselves about their own willingness to engage in traditional Balkan society and the sacrifices they’re already making. I included the queer narrative—and the way society restricts full development of an identity. This was true for Stana and the five women. The queer activist was the most liberated in some ways. To live as a queer-identified person in the Balkans is a radical act of self-assertion.

Lise: The film has been widely screened. What are some highlights of its travels over the past couple years?

Mel: It’s had a nice life. Last year it was shown in Paris at Cineffable, the world’s largest feminist film festival. It’s also traveled to around the U.S. and the Balkans and to Denmark, India, China and Slovenia. It’s been featured in some exhibitions too, including Becoming Male, a show featuring artists like Adrian Piper and Eleanor Antin at Albright College.

Making a film is a huge project. I loved every minute. My collaborator was Saša Sreckovic at the Ethnographic Museum in Belgrade. My editor, Jelena Jovcic is my better half. Editors don’t get the credit they deserve. Composer Aleksandra Dokic created the music for the film.

Lise: We’ve talked about your work as an interdisciplinary artist in terms of ethnography and ethnobotany, paper making and film making. What else are you working on?

Mel: I pray it’s not going to be another film. I’m going do something on my grandmother and Zejna, the Bosnian woman refugee. I recently obtained my grandmother’s O.S.S. file. The O.S.S. was the US office of intelligence during World War II. She was an O.S.S. operative. I’m curious to see where that goes. I met with Zejna twice. I started a four-part narrative, with my grandmother, Zejna, myself, and a fictional version of Zejna’s daughter. It will be a study of women and war and how women experience war in a gendered and particular way.

Lise: Am I hearing that you have another film on your hands?

Mel: Do you want to take me and shoot me right now! I’ve been doing some prints of my grandmother and Zejna and writing annotations. I’m building a visual archive. It probably has to be a film. It could be a book. I like working in film, but it’s a hard medium. I’m not wealthy enough to play in it. If you don’t have money, you have to wait for it.

Equal Pay 4 Equal Work, designed by Melissa Potter in handmade felt

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Thinks: Mel Potter on EthnoFeminist Art published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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draconic-witch · 7 years

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Witchy Get To Know Me Questions!

I was tagged by the lovely @casual--witchcraft. Thank you so much, it was very sweet of you.💕

1. Are you a religious witch? Which religion?

I don’t personally identify with any one religion. I am pagan however I do not practice Wicca. I’m simply just spiritual I guess

2. What is your preferred herb? I don’t work with herbs so I don’t have a favorite.

3. What is your prefered gem? Amethyst, Celestite, Labradorite, Septarian, and Kyanite.

4. Do you do divination? What kind? Yes! I do read tarot though I’m still somewhat new at it however I’ve been improving rather quickly lately!

5. Favorite tarot card? Judgement

6. To curse or not to curse? Pro-curse and I always make it clear that my intention is to have the subject of the curse learn a lesson to make them a better person. I do not condone mindless cursing. Same goes for hexing.

7. Do you have a familiar? I think so? I have this little stuffed black lab named Rocky that I made years ago (when I was 7. I am now almost 21). He feels like a familiar so maybe?

8. Favorite candle color? I don’t use candles but I am a fan of black and white generally speaking.

9. Favorite rune? I am not at all familiar with runes but I plan on getting a set soon!

10. Do you celebrate the solstices, full moons, etc? I do neither of these. No real reason why not. Just don’t.

11. Do you wear a pentacle? I have a ring with a pentacle on it that I should probably wear more often than I do lmao

12. Do you have a broom? No

13. Do you have a pendulum? Yes actually I have 2!

14. Do you have an athame? Nope!

15. How often do you meditate? I used to meditate every day but I’ve been slacking recently. Gotta get back on that!

16. Do you do yoga? Same as the meditation thing. Also same with lifting or bodyweight workouts while on the topic of fitness

17. What is your favorite herbal tea? I prefer coffee haha

18. Do you support manipulation magic? Like to manipulate others into getting what you want? This seems kinda undefined. However, that being said, it would depend as this is very tricky magic to get right and should only be attempted by someone who is experienced.

19. How many altars do you have? I guess one? I just kinda set my shit on a table and call it a day tbh. I don’t have a dedicated altar

20. Do you do magic outside often? No but the few times I have, I’ve really enjoyed it!

21. Can you read palms or tea leaves? Neither

22. Would you ever open your own metaphysical shop? Maybe? Probably not though.

23. Is your third eye open? I think?? I don’t know exactly how you’d tell. This seems like a vague question.

24. Do you like astrology? What is your sign? Eh not really that into it but I’m a Gemini

25. Favorite flower? Or tree? Flower: Bird of paradise, rose, pretty much anything that looks fancy and fun

Favorite tree would have to be a Japanese maple or a redwood. Probably both lol

26. Do you have an animal guide? Maybe? Hawks seem to be around me a lot lately. Spiritually though it is a dragon

27. What’s you favorite kind of magic? Energy work

28. When do you feel most like a witch? Mildly cool days with some sun when I’m wearing a witchy outfit

29. Are you out of the broom closet? Yeah basically except to my family

30. Are you a hereditary witch? Or self discovered? Self discovered.

31. Are you in a coven? Or solitary? Solitary.

32. Do you want to be in a coven? How big? No

33. When did you become a witch? About a year ago. I was talking with a friend of mine who is actually the person who tagged me and things just went from there!

34. Do you make your own spells? Kinda? I avoid making spells into words as I find words tend to muddle the intention as language is extremely limiting. So I create my own methods for sending the energy but it isn’t technically a spell so idk. Make of this what you will haha

35. Do you make your own sigils? I don’t really work with sigils

36. Why did you choose this path? I can’t really say I’ve chosen this path. I discovered it and have been just kinda rolling with it. I’m relatively uncommitted to the path as making that commitment feels trapping and confining. I want to be on this path for as long as I want to be. That could be another week or it could be the rest of my life.

37. What is your favorite element? Literally all of them. They all have their proper time and place. Though I do work to use as many at a time as is feasible.

38. Do you do any misc. magic? I..... I.... What does this mean?

39. Magic or things you will never do? I’m not closed off to anything

40. Strangest way a spell backfired? It didn’t backfire. It worked the way it was intended but had other effects that I didn’t predict.

Um.... idk anyone on here really so like if you see this and wanna do the thing maybe just tag me and say you found it on my page if you did actually get it from here? lmao kbye!

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cover2covermom · 4 years

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Today I am sharing my favorite reads of 2019! I read 130 books in 2019, so narrowing down my list to only 10 books was not going to happen #SorryNotSorry

Here are my favorite 24 books of 2019….

» The Winter of the Witch (Winternight #3) by Katherine Arden

Now Moscow has been struck by disaster. Its people are searching for answers—and for someone to blame. Vasya finds herself alone, beset on all sides. The Grand Prince is in a rage, choosing allies that will lead him on a path to war and ruin. A wicked demon returns, stronger than ever and determined to spread chaos. Caught at the center of the conflict is Vasya, who finds the fate of two worlds resting on her shoulders. Her destiny uncertain, Vasya will uncover surprising truths about herself and her history as she desperately tries to save Russia, Morozko, and the magical world she treasures. But she may not be able to save them all.

The Winter of the Witch was the perfect conclusion to the Winternight Trilogy. The Winternight Trilogy really has it all: political intrigue, Russian folklore, magic, action, adventure, a bad ass leading lady… I cannot recommend this series enough.

You can read my mini review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Winter of the Witch

» The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey

Alaska, 1920: a brutal place to homestead, and especially tough for recent arrivals Jack and Mabel. Childless, they are drifting apart–he breaking under the weight of the work of the farm; she crumbling from loneliness and despair. In a moment of levity during the season’s first snowfall, they build a child out of snow. The next morning the snow child is gone–but they glimpse a young, blonde-haired girl running through the trees. This little girl, who calls herself Faina, seems to be a child of the woods. She hunts with a red fox at her side, skims lightly across the snow, and somehow survives alone in the Alaskan wilderness. As Jack and Mabel struggle to understand this child who could have stepped from the pages of a fairy tale, they come to love her as their own daughter. But in this beautiful, violent place things are rarely as they appear, and what they eventually learn about Faina will transform all of them.

There was so much that I adored about this book: the beautiful writing, the characters, the plot inspired by Russian folklore, the magic realism elements, the frontier setting of 1920s Alaska…

You can read my mini review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: The Snow Child

» Moloka’i by Alan Brennert

This richly imagined novel, set in Hawai’i more than a century ago, is an extraordinary epic of a little-known time and place—and a deeply moving testament to the resiliency of the human spirit.

Rachel Kalama, a spirited seven-year-old Hawaiian girl, dreams of visiting far-off lands like her father, a merchant seaman. Then one day a rose-colored mark appears on her skin, and those dreams are stolen from her. Taken from her home and family, Rachel is sent to Kalaupapa, the quarantined leprosy settlement on the island of Moloka’i. Here her life is supposed to end—but instead she discovers it is only just beginning.

This book was absolutely heartbreaking on so many different levels. I cried on two different occasions while reading it, and I seldom cry while reading books.

Moloka’i included themes like family (traditional and nontraditional), friendship, freedom, hope, love, religion/faith (Christianity vs. Paganism), illness, loss, and grief. This book blew me away. I read it along with one of my book clubs, and every member enjoyed it.

You can read my mini review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Moloka’i

» Circe by Madeline Miller

In the house of Helios, god of the sun and mightiest of the Titans, a daughter is born. But Circe is a strange child—not powerful, like her father, nor viciously alluring like her mother. Turning to the world of mortals for companionship, she discovers that she does possess power—the power of witchcraft, which can transform rivals into monsters and menace the gods themselves.

Threatened, Zeus banishes her to a deserted island, where she hones her occult craft, tames wild beasts and crosses paths with many of the most famous figures in all of mythology, including the Minotaur, Daedalus and his doomed son Icarus, the murderous Medea, and, of course, wily Odysseus.

But there is danger, too, for a woman who stands alone, and Circe unwittingly draws the wrath of both men and gods, ultimately finding herself pitted against one of the most terrifying and vengeful of the Olympians. To protect what she loves most, Circe must summon all her strength and choose, once and for all, whether she belongs with the gods she is born from, or the mortals she has come to love.

I adore how Madeline Miller weaves her Greek Mythology retellings. The more of Madeline’s retellings I read, the more I want to read Homer’s The Illiad & The Odyssey. Even though I have not read Homer’s books, from what I’ve researched, Miller stays true to the original story while creating an entirely new spin on the story. Honestly, I hope she will continue this trend because I will read every one she comes out with.

Circe includes themes like complicated family dynamics, mortality vs. immortality, sexism/gender inequality, destiny, motherhood, sex positivity, and love. I was engaged from beginning to end.

You can read my mini review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Circe

» The Poppy War (The Poppy War #1) by R.F. Kuang

When Rin aced the Keju, the Empire-wide test to find the most talented youth to learn at the Academies, it was a shock to everyone: to the test officials, who couldn’t believe a war orphan from Rooster Province could pass without cheating; to Rin’s guardians, who believed they’d finally be able to marry her off and further their criminal enterprise; and to Rin herself, who realized she was finally free of the servitude and despair that had made up her daily existence. That she got into Sinegard, the most elite military school in Nikan, was even more surprising.

But surprises aren’t always good.

Because being a dark-skinned peasant girl from the south is not an easy thing at Sinegard. Targeted from the outset by rival classmates for her color, poverty, and gender, Rin discovers she possesses a lethal, unearthly power—an aptitude for the nearly-mythical art of shamanism. Exploring the depths of her gift with the help of a seemingly insane teacher and psychoactive substances, Rin learns that gods long thought dead are very much alive—and that mastering control over those powers could mean more than just surviving school.

For while the Nikara Empire is at peace, the Federation of Mugen still lurks across a narrow sea. The militarily advanced Federation occupied Nikan for decades after the First Poppy War, and only barely lost the continent in the Second. And while most of the people are complacent to go about their lives, a few are aware that a Third Poppy War is just a spark away . . .

Rin’s shamanic powers may be the only way to save her people. But as she finds out more about the god that has chosen her, the vengeful Phoenix, she fears that winning the war may cost her humanity . . . and that it may already be too late.

If I had to sum up The Poppy War in a few words, they would be epic, brutal, and morally gray. I flew through this book despite it being 544 pages! I cannot wait to get my hands on the second book next month.

You can read my mini review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: The Poppy War

» Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

The first ten lies they tell you in high school.

“Speak up for yourself—we want to know what you have to say.”

From the first moment of her freshman year at Merryweather High, Melinda knows this is a big fat lie, part of the nonsense of high school. She is friendless, outcast, because she busted an end-of-summer party by calling the cops, so now nobody will talk to her, let alone listen to her. As time passes, she becomes increasingly isolated and practically stops talking altogether. Only her art class offers any solace, and it is through her work on an art project that she is finally able to face what really happened at that terrible party: she was raped by an upperclassman, a guy who still attends Merryweather and is still a threat to her. Her healing process has just begun when she has another violent encounter with him. But this time Melinda fights back, refuses to be silent, and thereby achieves a measure of vindication.

In Laurie Halse Anderson’s powerful novel, an utterly believable heroine with a bitterly ironic voice delivers a blow to the hypocritical world of high school. She speaks for many a disenfranchised teenager while demonstrating the importance of speaking up for oneself.

Speak was a 1999 National Book Award Finalist for Young People’s Literature.

Books that explore sexual assault victimization are so important, especially in the YA target age range, because they can inform, increases empathy, and challenge problematic rape culture. Speak needs to be required reading for all high school aged kids.

You can read my mini review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Speak

» Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Everyone knows Daisy Jones & The Six, but nobody knows the reason behind their split at the absolute height of their popularity . . . until now.

Daisy is a girl coming of age in L.A. in the late sixties, sneaking into clubs on the Sunset Strip, sleeping with rock stars, and dreaming of singing at the Whisky a Go Go. The sex and drugs are thrilling, but it’s the rock and roll she loves most. By the time she’s twenty, her voice is getting noticed, and she has the kind of heedless beauty that makes people do crazy things.

Also getting noticed is The Six, a band led by the brooding Billy Dunne. On the eve of their first tour, his girlfriend Camila finds out she’s pregnant, and with the pressure of impending fatherhood and fame, Billy goes a little wild on the road.

Daisy and Billy cross paths when a producer realizes that the key to supercharged success is to put the two together. What happens next will become the stuff of legend.

The making of that legend is chronicled in this riveting and unforgettable novel, written as an oral history of one of the biggest bands of the seventies. Taylor Jenkins Reid is a talented writer who takes her work to a new level with Daisy Jones & The Six, brilliantly capturing a place and time in an utterly distinctive voice.

I know this book has very mixed reviews due to its format, but I LOVED this book. Since Daisy Jones and the Six is told in interview format from many different characters, many people were turned off. Since I knew this was the format going into the book, this read like a classic rock band documentary playing out in my mind. This book was meant for TV or film adaptation.

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Daisy Jones and the Six

» The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin

As surprising as it is moving, The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry is an unforgettable tale of transformation and second chances, an irresistible affirmation of why we read, and why we love.

We are not quite novels.

We are not quite short stories.

In the end, we are collected works.

A. J. Fikry’s life is not at all what he expected it to be. His wife has died; his bookstore is experiencing the worst sales in its history; and now his prized possession, a rare collection of Poe poems, has been stolen. Slowly but surely, he is isolating himself from all the people of Alice Island—from Chief Lambiase, the well-intentioned police officer who’s always felt kindly toward him; from Ismay, his sister-in-law, who is hell-bent on saving A.J. from his dreary self; from Amelia, the lovely and idealistic (if eccentric) Knightley Press sales rep who persists in taking the ferry to Alice Island, refusing to be deterred by A.J.’s bad attitude. Even the books in his store have stopped holding pleasure for him. These days, he can only see them as a sign of a world that is changing too rapidly.

And then a mysterious package appears at the bookstore. It’s a small package, though large in weight—an unexpected arrival that gives A.J. the opportunity to make his life over, the ability to see everything anew. It doesn’t take long for the locals to notice the change overcoming A.J., for the determined sales rep Amelia to see her curmudgeonly client in a new light, for the wisdom of all those books to become again the lifeblood of A.J.’s world. Or for everything to twist again into a version of his life that he didn’t see coming.

What bookworm doesn’t love a story about books, bookstores, and the people that love books? The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry was heartwarming, funny, and emotional. I’d recommend this book to fans of quirky characters & fans of books like A Man Called Ove.

This made for an excellent book club discussion with the moral dilemmas in the story.

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: The Storied Life of AJ Fikrey

» With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo

With her daughter to care for and her abuela to help support, high school senior Emoni Santiago has to make the tough decisions, and do what must be done. The one place she can let her responsibilities go is in the kitchen, where she adds a little something magical to everything she cooks, turning her food into straight-up goodness. Still, she knows she doesn’t have enough time for her school’s new culinary arts class, doesn’t have the money for the class’s trip to Spain — and shouldn’t still be dreaming of someday working in a real kitchen. But even with all the rules she has for her life — and all the rules everyone expects her to play by — once Emoni starts cooking, her only real choice is to let her talent break free.

I adored Elizabeth Acevedo’s debut novel, The Poet X, so I was very excited to read her next book. I listened to her first book via audiobook, and fell in love with the author’s narration. I chose to listen to Fire on High via audiobook as well. I loved this one just as much as her first! Elizabeth Acevedo has a beautiful way with words & I adore her characters & plotlines. I typically stray away from YA contemporary, but I’ll read anything Acevedo writes!

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: With the Fire On High

» The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease

Recommended by “Dear Abby”, The New York Times and The Washington Post, for three decades, millions of parents and educators have turned to Jim Trelease’s beloved classic to help countless children become avid readers through awakening their imaginations and improving their language skills. Now this new edition of The Read-Aloud Handbook imparts the benefits, rewards, and importance of reading aloud to children of a new generation. Supported by delightful anecdotes as well as the latest research, The Read-Aloud Handbook offers proven techniques and strategies—and the reasoning behind them—for helping children discover the pleasures of reading and setting them on the road to becoming lifelong readers.

The Read-Aloud Family is about the the reasoning and the research/evidence behind why you should be reading aloud with your children. Since childhood literacy is a passion of mine, this book was absolutely fascinating! This book should be read by all parents, educators, and librarians!

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: The Read-Aloud Handbook

» Red Sister (Book of the Ancestor #1) by Mark Lawrence

I was born for killing – the gods made me to ruin.

At the Convent of Sweet Mercy young girls are raised to be killers. In a few the old bloods show, gifting talents rarely seen since the tribes beached their ships on Abeth. Sweet Mercy hones its novices’ skills to deadly effect: it takes ten years to educate a Red Sister in the ways of blade and fist.

But even the mistresses of sword and shadow don’t truly understand what they have purchased when Nona Grey is brought to their halls as a bloodstained child of eight, falsely accused of murder: guilty of worse.

Stolen from the shadow of the noose, Nona is sought by powerful enemies, and for good reason. Despite the security and isolation of the convent her secret and violent past will find her out. Beneath a dying sun that shines upon a crumbling empire, Nona Grey must come to terms with her demons and learn to become a deadly assassin if she is to survive…

From the very first line, I was completely captivated by Red Sister. The characters are complex. The world is well developed and fascinating. The plot was fast paced, action-packed, and an adventure from start to finish. This book has everything I love in my fantasy books: bad ass leading lady, action, magic abilities, school/training setting, political drama, and an emphasis on friendships.

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Red Sister

» A Game of Thrones (A Song of Fire and Ice #1) by George R.R. Martin

Here is the first volume in George R. R. Martin’s magnificent cycle of novels that includes A Clash of Kings and A Storm of Swords. As a whole, this series comprises a genuine masterpiece of modern fantasy, bringing together the best the genre has to offer. Magic, mystery, intrigue, romance, and adventure fill these pages and transport us to a world unlike any we have ever experienced. Already hailed as a classic, George R. R. Martin’s stunning series is destined to stand as one of the great achievements of imaginative fiction.

A GAME OF THRONES

Long ago, in a time forgotten, a preternatural event threw the seasons out of balance. In a land where summers can last decades and winters a lifetime, trouble is brewing. The cold is returning, and in the frozen wastes to the north of Winterfell, sinister and supernatural forces are massing beyond the kingdom’s protective Wall. At the center of the conflict lie the Starks of Winterfell, a family as harsh and unyielding as the land they were born to. Sweeping from a land of brutal cold to a distant summertime kingdom of epicurean plenty, here is a tale of lords and ladies, soldiers and sorcerers, assassins and bastards, who come together in a time of grim omens.

Here an enigmatic band of warriors bear swords of no human metal; a tribe of fierce wildlings carry men off into madness; a cruel young dragon prince barters his sister to win back his throne; and a determined woman undertakes the most treacherous of journeys. Amid plots and counterplots, tragedy and betrayal, victory and terror, the fate of the Starks, their allies, and their enemies hangs perilously in the balance, as each endeavors to win that deadliest of conflicts: the game of thrones.

Game of Thrones is full of action, adventure, humor, political intrigue, plot twists, and lots of death. I was completely engrossed in this book from start to finish. I cannot wait to read the rest of the books in this series!

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: A Game of Thrones

» The Library Book by Susan Orlean

On the morning of April 29, 1986, a fire alarm sounded in the Los Angeles Public Library. As the moments passed, the patrons and staff who had been cleared out of the building realized this was not the usual fire alarm. As one fireman recounted, “Once that first stack got going, it was ‘Goodbye, Charlie.’” The fire was disastrous: it reached 2000 degrees and burned for more than seven hours. By the time it was extinguished, it had consumed four hundred thousand books and damaged seven hundred thousand more. Investigators descended on the scene, but more than thirty years later, the mystery remains: Did someone purposefully set fire to the library—and if so, who?

Weaving her lifelong love of books and reading into an investigation of the fire, award-winning New Yorker reporter and New York Times bestselling author Susan Orlean delivers a mesmerizing and uniquely compelling book that manages to tell the broader story of libraries and librarians in a way that has never been done before.

In The Library Book, Orlean chronicles the LAPL fire and its aftermath to showcase the larger, crucial role that libraries play in our lives; delves into the evolution of libraries across the country and around the world, from their humble beginnings as a metropolitan charitable initiative to their current status as a cornerstone of national identity; brings each department of the library to vivid life through on-the-ground reporting; studies arson and attempts to burn a copy of a book herself; reflects on her own experiences in libraries; and reexamines the case of Harry Peak, the blond-haired actor long suspected of setting fire to the LAPL more than thirty years ago.

Along the way, Orlean introduces us to an unforgettable cast of characters from libraries past and present—from Mary Foy, who in 1880 at eighteen years old was named the head of the Los Angeles Public Library at a time when men still dominated the role, to Dr. C.J.K. Jones, a pastor, citrus farmer, and polymath known as “The Human Encyclopedia” who roamed the library dispensing information; from Charles Lummis, a wildly eccentric journalist and adventurer who was determined to make the L.A. library one of the best in the world, to the current staff, who do heroic work every day to ensure that their institution remains a vital part of the city it serves.

Brimming with her signature wit, insight, compassion, and talent for deep research, The Library Book is Susan Orlean’s thrilling journey through the stacks that reveals how these beloved institutions provide much more than just books—and why they remain an essential part of the heart, mind, and soul of our country. It is also a master journalist’s reminder that, perhaps especially in the digital era, they are more necessary than ever.

The Library Book is an ode to libraries, and how they are such an important staple in a community.

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: The Library Book

» The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah

Alaska, 1974. Unpredictable. Unforgiving. Untamed. For a family in crisis, the ultimate test of survival.

Ernt Allbright, a former POW, comes home from the Vietnam war a changed and volatile man. When he loses yet another job, he makes an impulsive decision: he will move his family north, to Alaska, where they will live off the grid in America’s last true frontier.

Thirteen-year-old Leni, a girl coming of age in a tumultuous time, caught in the riptide of her parents’ passionate, stormy relationship, dares to hope that a new land will lead to a better future for her family. She is desperate for a place to belong. Her mother, Cora, will do anything and go anywhere for the man she loves, even if it means following him into the unknown.

At first, Alaska seems to be the answer to their prayers. In a wild, remote corner of the state, they find a fiercely independent community of strong men and even stronger women. The long, sunlit days and the generosity of the locals make up for the Allbrights’ lack of preparation and dwindling resources.

But as winter approaches and darkness descends on Alaska, Ernt’s fragile mental state deteriorates and the family begins to fracture. Soon the perils outside pale in comparison to threats from within. In their small cabin, covered in snow, blanketed in eighteen hours of night, Leni and her mother learn the terrible truth: they are on their own. In the wild, there is no one to save them but themselves.

In this unforgettable portrait of human frailty and resilience, Kristin Hannah reveals the indomitable character of the modern American pioneer and the spirit of a vanishing Alaska―a place of incomparable beauty and danger. The Great Alone is a daring, beautiful, stay-up-all-night story about love and loss, the fight for survival, and the wildness that lives in both man and nature

This book was a roller coaster of emotion & heavy topics. Themes included in The Great Alone include survival, coming of age, PTSD, domestic violence, family, & resilience.

You can read my mini review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: The Great Alone

» The Dragon Republic (The Poppy War #2) by R.F. Kuang

The searing follow-up to 2018’s most celebrated fantasy debut – THE POPPY WAR.

In the aftermath of the Third Poppy War, shaman and warrior Rin is on the run: haunted by the atrocity she committed to end the war, addicted to opium, and hiding from the murderous commands of her vengeful god, the fiery Phoenix. Her only reason for living is to get revenge on the traitorous Empress who sold out Nikan to their enemies.

With no other options, Rin joins forces with the powerful Dragon Warlord, who has a plan to conquer Nikan, unseat the Empress, and create a new Republic. Rin throws herself into his war. After all, making war is all she knows how to do.

But the Empress is a more powerful foe than she appears, and the Dragon Warlord’s motivations are not as democratic as they seem. The more Rin learns, the more she fears her love for Nikan will drive her away from every ally and lead her to rely more and more on the Phoenix’s deadly power. Because there is nothing she won’t sacrifice for her country and her vengeance.

The sequel to R.F. Kuang’s acclaimed debut THE POPPY WAR, THE DRAGON REPUBLIC combines the history of 20th-century China with a gripping world of gods and monsters, to devastating effect.

I’m happy to report that there was no second book syndrome for this epic series! The Dragon Republic was an excellent follow up to The Poppy War.

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: The Dragon Republic

» Other Words for Home by Jasmine Warga

I am learning how to be sad and happy at the same time.

Jude never thought she’d be leaving her beloved older brother and father behind, all the way across the ocean in Syria. But when things in her hometown start becoming volatile, Jude and her mother are sent to live in Cincinnati with relatives.

At first, everything in America seems too fast and too loud. The American movies that Jude has always loved haven’t quite prepared her for starting school in the US—and her new label of “Middle Eastern,” an identity she’s never known before. But this life also brings unexpected surprises—there are new friends, a whole new family, and a school musical that Jude might just try out for. Maybe America, too, is a place where Jude can be seen as she really is.

This is such an important middle grade book because it deals with a refugee experience with mild tones of Islamophobia. Warga handles these topics with care & authenticity

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Other Words for Home

» Heroine by Mindy McGinnis

An Amazon Best Book of the Month! A captivating and powerful exploration of the opioid crisis—the deadliest drug epidemic in American history—through the eyes of a college-bound softball star. Edgar Award-winning author Mindy McGinnis delivers a visceral and necessary novel about addiction, family, friendship, and hope.

When a car crash sidelines Mickey just before softball season, she has to find a way to hold on to her spot as the catcher for a team expected to make a historic tournament run. Behind the plate is the only place she’s ever felt comfortable, and the painkillers she’s been prescribed can help her get there.

The pills do more than take away pain; they make her feel good.

With a new circle of friends—fellow injured athletes, others with just time to kill—Mickey finds peaceful acceptance, and people with whom words come easily, even if it is just the pills loosening her tongue.

But as the pressure to be Mickey Catalan heightens, her need increases, and it becomes less about pain and more about want, something that could send her spiraling out of control.

This book is one the best portrayals of drug addiction that I’ve ever read. It was raw, gritty, and deeply unsettling.

You can read my mini book review here ⇒ Mini Book Review: Heroine

» The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow

In the early 1900s, a young woman embarks on a fantastical journey of self-discovery after finding a mysterious book in this captivating and lyrical debut.

In a sprawling mansion filled with peculiar treasures, January Scaller is a curiosity herself. As the ward of the wealthy Mr. Locke, she feels little different from the artifacts that decorate the halls: carefully maintained, largely ignored, and utterly out of place.

Then she finds a strange book. A book that carries the scent of other worlds, and tells a tale of secret doors, of love, adventure and danger. Each page turn reveals impossible truths about the world and January discovers a story increasingly entwined with her own.

Lush and richly imagined, a tale of impossible journeys, unforgettable love, and the enduring power of stories awaits in Alix E. Harrow’s spellbinding debut–step inside and discover its magic.

I adored this heartwarming story of love, grief, and perseverance.

» Brave by Svetlana Chmakova

In his daydreams, Jensen is the biggest hero that ever was, saving the world and his friends on a daily basis. But his middle school reality is VERY different – math is hard, getting along with friends is hard…Even finding a partner for the class project is a big problem when you always get picked last. And the pressure’s on even more once the school newspaper’s dynamic duo, Jenny and Akilah, draw Jensen into the whirlwind of school news, social experiment projects, and behind-the-scenes club drama. Jensen’s always played the middle school game one level at a time, but suddenly, someone’s cranked up the difficulty setting. Will those daring daydreams of his finally work in his favor, or will he have to find real solutions to his real life problems?

The charming world of Berrybrook Middle School gets a little bigger in this highly anticipated follow up to Svetlana Chmakova’s award winning Awkward with a story about a boy who learns his own way of being Brave!

LOVED this graphic novel from the illustrations to the story. A wonderful depiction of the struggles of middle school.

» Emily of New Moon (Emily #1), Emily Climbs (Emily #2), &

Emily’s Quest (Emily #3) by L.M. Montgomery

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Emily Starr never knew what it was to be lonely — until her beloved father died. Now Emily’s an orphan, and her mother’s snobbish relatives are taking her to live with them at New Moon Farm. She’s sure she won’t be happy. Emily deals with stiff, stern Aunt Elizabeth and her malicious classmates by holding her head high and using her quick wit. Things begin to change when she makes friends: with Teddy, who does marvelous drawings; with Perry, who’s sailed all over the world with his father yet has never been to school; and above all, with Ilse, a tomboy with a blazing temper. Amazingly, Emily finds New Moon beautiful and fascinating. With new friends and adventures, Emily might someday think of herself as Emily of New Moon.

If you enjoyed Anne of Green Gables, you’ll enjoy this series too!

» Educated by Tara Westover

Tara Westover was 17 the first time she set foot in a classroom. Born to survivalists in the mountains of Idaho, she prepared for the end of the world by stockpiling home-canned peaches and sleeping with her “head-for-the-hills bag”. In the summer she stewed herbs for her mother, a midwife and healer, and in the winter she salvaged in her father’s junkyard.

Her father forbade hospitals, so Tara never saw a doctor or nurse. Gashes and concussions, even burns from explosions, were all treated at home with herbalism. The family was so isolated from mainstream society that there was no one to ensure the children received an education and no one to intervene when one of Tara’s older brothers became violent.

Then, lacking any formal education, Tara began to educate herself. She taught herself enough mathematics and grammar to be admitted to Brigham Young University, where she studied history, learning for the first time about important world events like the Holocaust and the civil rights movement. Her quest for knowledge transformed her, taking her over oceans and across continents, to Harvard and to Cambridge. Only then would she wonder if she’d traveled too far, if there was still a way home.

Educated is an account of the struggle for self-invention. It is a tale of fierce family loyalty and of the grief that comes with severing the closest of ties. With the acute insight that distinguishes all great writers, Westover has crafted a universal coming-of-age story that gets to the heart of what an education is and what it offers: the perspective to see one’s life through new eyes and the will to change it.

This memoir was absolutely heartbreaking & horrifying. Educated makes for a perfect book club selection.

» All-American Muslim Girl by Nadine Jolie Courtney

Allie Abraham has it all going for her—she’s a straight-A student, with good friends and a close-knit family, and she’s dating cute, popular, and sweet Wells Henderson. One problem: Wells’s father is Jack Henderson, America’s most famous conservative shock jock…and Allie hasn’t told Wells that her family is Muslim. It’s not like Allie’s religion is a secret, exactly. It’s just that her parents don’t practice and raised her to keep her Islamic heritage to herself. But as Allie witnesses ever-growing Islamophobia in her small town and across the nation, she begins to embrace her faith—studying it, practicing it, and facing hatred and misunderstanding for it. Who is Allie, if she sheds the façade of the “perfect” all-American girl? What does it mean to be a “Good Muslim?” And can a Muslim girl in America ever truly fit in?

ALL-AMERICAN MUSLIM GIRL is a relevant, relatable story of being caught between two worlds, and the struggles and hard-won joys of finding your place.

This was a beautiful coming-of-age story about a girl that is struggling with her identity and feels the need to hide her true self. I loved the growth of the main character, Allie, from start to finish. I also think this book does a beautiful job of laying out what Islam is, and what it isn’t.

Did you read any of the books on my list? If so, what did you think?

What are some of your favorite books of 2019?

Comment below & let me know 🙂

Favorite Books of 2019 #BookBlogger #Bookworm #Bibliophile #Books #Reading Today I am sharing my favorite reads of 2019! I read 130 books in 2019, so narrowing down my list to only 10 books was not going to happen #SorryNotSorry…

#Am Reading #Bibliophile #book blog #book blogger #Book Chat #Book Nerd #Book Talk #Book Worm #Bookish #Books #Bookworm #Reading

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chasingstxrdust · 6 years

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1 - 55?

oh wow okay you’re just going all in on this one okay here we go then...

1. Name- Caitlin 2. Age- 203. City that you live in- Currently I’m in Flagstaff, Arizona but soon Dortmund, Germany for a while 4. What do most people not know about you?- sometimes I like to just watch rubicks cube solve videos? I don’t even own one they’re just fun to watch? 5. What do most people know you for?- Super into tattoos and literature 6. Hobbies- reading, watching youtube, sometimes I dabble in art and poetry, camping, hiking7. What are your passions?- literature, linguistics, poetry, art8. What do you search for in a significant other?- at this point? I’ll settle for a pulse and someone who actually likes me 7. What are you most proud of?- I’ve made it through 20 years of life is my biggest accomplishment at the moment tbh 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- lmaoooooo idk never ? years ago if ever? 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collected bottles and shells for a little while when I was younger now I mostly collect a ridiculous amount of books? not even like cool old books or anything I just have way to many books and refuse to part with any of them 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- Go sky diving, Live and travel in Europe, write some kind of publishable book (whether novel or poetry or whatever), learn german fluently, visit every state in america, go cliff jumping, and I literally can’t think of anything else. I’ve never really been a bucket list kinda person11. What was the last thing you learned?- When building many of the original Christian churches pagans would often be hired to do the labor and so as they were building many of these churches they hid secret pagan/witchcraft based symbols and imagery within the structures so that they could secretly worship the old gods even when forced to attend christian services 12. How many relationships have you been in?- 013. Turn ons- idk neck kisses is the only specific one I can think of in the moment,14. Turn offs- bigotry prejudice or un-warranted hate of any kind 15. Favourite food- definitely a tie believe gyro pitas, baklava and Loco Moco from hawaii (oh also poutine is so fucking good?) 16. Favourite drink- Alcohol wise? definitely this blue raspberry cotton candy tasting one my friend figured out. Non-Alcoholic? Any type of hibiscus tea ever made 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- honestly idk? I haven’t had any that were like super memorable?18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- depends on the mood you catch me bb but mostly I try to be optimistic it’s just not easy sometimes19. Do you sleep during class?- On purpose? no. Out of my body’s base needs for sleep after too many hours of sleep deprivation causing me to continually fall asleep during class on accident? yes 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- I would say my car but I technically don’t really own that so I mean I think my laptop would be the next highest priced item in my possession 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- oh god fuck idk? Post it notes probably? You can use them shits for so many reasons22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- I mean I constantly have it next to me so like I see it go off if it does but like actually picking up and purposefully looking to see if I have any new notifications? like maybe once or twice an hour depending on my over all boredom level. 23. Text or call?- text all the way 24. Opinion on long distance?- relationship? I think it takes a very strong very secure couple to be able to handle long distance, it definitely won’t work for everyone25. What is your definition of success?- Being happy and financially stable and content with your life and what you’ve achieved 26. Favourite song?- atm it’s Overwhelming by Jon Bellion27. Favourite artist?- Jon Bellion as per the last question 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- nope don’t really have any, except maybe lexa and octavia from the 100, oh and Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn9929. When was the last time you read for fun?- yesterday? maybe it was the day before idk? 30. Favourite flower?- don’t really have one atm 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- like a grand or two cash so I can pay off my credit card 32. Any guilty pleasures?- sure who doesn’t have a guilty pleasure33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- oh dang I can only pick one thing? but the list is soooo long, fine I want to not snore anymore please thanks! 34. What do you search for in a friend?- loyalty, kindness, reciprocation of effort you know the basics 35. How many times have you said “I love you” in the past month?- maybe like once or twice to my parents while I was down with them idk? 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- taco bell37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- cuz the world is a fucked up place38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- being stabbed in the eye wtf where’s the contest? I mean yea being left out sucks, it sucks ass and I hate when it happens but at least I have sight in both eyes afterwards what even?39. How many green shirts do you own?- I have like one green sweater and a single green tee-shirt I got for a thing at work that I’ve worn like maybe once40. Do you like anime?- no41. What do you invest the most time in?- things I shouldn’t be doing in order to avoid doing the things I should 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- I’m currently reading both House of Leaves (if you like reading check it out it’s so good trust me!) and Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft43. What’s the difference between loving and liking someone?- idk let me know if you figure out cuz I can’t seem to tell 44. Where are you most productive?- no where 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- playing stupid games, driving around aimlessly and camping 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- almost everything I enjoy doing I enjoy doing alone 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- I think we’re never going to have everyone agreeing 100% with everyone else, there will always be tension in the world and anger but how we handle that tension and anger can make a big difference over all and I do believe that we can get to a place in the world where war isn’t our first option or even our tenth option on the list when we’re trying to solve a conflict. 48. Do you have any allergies?- Yea! Recently discovered I’m allergic to avocados and I’m also allergic to penicillin so that’s fun you know 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- at someone, like in a way meant to cause harm? I have no clue, but I mean somehow cussing has become apart of my conversational vocabulary so like I’ve definitely said fuck or shit or bitch or something like that in conversation recently 50. What was the last promise you made?- I can’t remember? 51. What was your last dream about?- I dreamt about getting my tattoo the night before I went and got it and was very confused when I woke up without a new tattoo 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- Charly, Stephanie, Maddi, Kyle and Sophia 53. How many countries have you visited?- Including america where I live, 2 maybe 3 depending on how you classify the bahamas/puerto rico 54. What is your favourite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- I’m not sure what this question is looking for and I’ve only been to a couple museums in my whole life so I’d have to say the Smithsonian’s art museums 55. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- lmao idk maybe last week right after I got my hair done I was getting a lot of compliments on the purple coloring

#Anonymous

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