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heyitsyn · 4 years

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Manager!Seijoh KYO ROUTE

a/n: AAAAA HERE IT FINALLY IS!!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!

THIS IS KYO’S ROUTE AND TBH, I REALLY WANT TO MAKE AN IWA ROUTE BUT I ALSO WANT TO MAKE AN OIKAWA ROUTE BC IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT SOMEONE’S FAVORITE IS ACTUALLY OIKS AND I WANT TO GIVE HER THAT ENDING AND I WANT IWA TO HAVE AN ENDING AS A PERSONAL REQUEST HEHEHEHEHEHE

REMINDER, THIS IS A WHAT IF SCENARIO LIKE WHAT IF SHE ENDS UP WITH KYO AND HOW WOULD IT HAPPEN SO THIS IS NOT REALLY GOING TO BE PART OF THE MAIN MANAGER!SEIJOH SERIES

anon requests:

-i love the seijoh manager one and i was just wondering if i could please request one where she ends up with kyoken

-OH MY GOD Can y/n-chan and kyoubabie end up together and like how would the team react wawlndksndkfnkdndkfnkd im so soft

-I kinda like the idea after the time skip that Kyo and the manager end up together, he's still such a softie for her. I feel like after seeing how Kyo acts around her the team wasn't surprised that they ended up together and kinda expected it.

- what if manager reader and Kyotani kiss 😳👉👈

- hi I love your seijoh manager aus! They’re so cute and wholesome but also very chaotic 😭 I have a request,, if yn and kyo end up together then can you do a scenario where the boys find out and are like 👁👄👁 huh, u choose the dog?? NDJJS IDK KYO IS SO UNDERRATED BUT N E WAYS ILY AND YOUR SERIES YOURE SO TALENTED 😭💕

i totally not already planned this part from the last part

tw: hint of abuse

ALSKDFJASDKJAFKLDSJFLKA HINATA SAID NYOOM

so,,, yep lets start

hehehehehehehe kyo is so protective like bls be mine

even though miyo has been expelled and doesnt mess w you anymore, he still looks out for you and makes sure no one messed w you

like he actually goes to the first floor immediately and leans on the wall outside your class so he could walk with you to the gym or to lunch

at first, you thought it was bc oikawa told him to look out for you but when you found out it was competely all him, you were so soft for him and appreciative at him taking the time to go to you

like one day after class, you were planning on just eating lunch inside the classroom with kunimi and kindaichi but you were thirsty and felt stuffed in the room so you excused yourself to go eat at the roof

as you opened the door, you came face-to-face with the blonde upperclassman and you were so shocked that you closed the door on impulse

you said haha not today satan

but you realized who he was and hurriedly opened it

‘ohmagod im so sorry kyo-san!’

he shrugged

‘its fine’

you smiled apologetically and cleared your throat

‘so,,, what can i do for you, kyo-san?’

he shoved his hands in his pockets bc in truth, he didnt really know, but he caught sight of your bento on your hands

‘the roof?’

he asked making you look at him, impressed

‘howd you know?’

‘if youre not eating in there, the roof would be the only other place youd eat, right?’

you leaned against the doorway and reached forward to rub his arm

‘you stalking me now, kyo-san?’

he narrowed his eyes and looked away

but he grabbed your hand before interlacing your fingers and you were shocked to be dragged with him to somewhere in the school

‘the roof’

was all he said and you quickly kept up to pace with him until you arrived your destination at the top of the school

it was quite a cloudy day so the sun was actually out of view but it wasnt going to be a rainy day

the temperature was slowly getting colder since you were now transitioning from fall to winter but you didnt care bc it was still fresh air

you hurriedly tugged him forward and sat him down next to you so you both were seated together

‘do you not eat lunch kyo-san?’

‘no. i dont have time’

he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them while you laid your legs on a straight line in front of you so you could rest the box on your lap

kyo laid his cheek on his arm as he watched you excitedly unwrap the cloth and open the mint-green lid to reveal the rice and tamagoyaki with chicken bites inside

‘itadakimasu!’

you softly clapped your hands then positioned your chopsticks but you paused, head turning to kyo

he felt like he was caught stealing something lmao stealing glances get it so he quickly averted his gaze to the railing that surrounded the roof

you delicately placed a hand on his arm which gave you his attention and you raised a piece of the egg dish

‘one?’

you offered and he shook his head but you pouted at him making him sigh then open his mouth

now you were no gorgon ramsai im cackling sorry but you could cook since your mother believed that you werent a girl unless you knew how to cook

his eyes were shining as he chewed and you giggled before holding up another piece which he quickly snatched up

‘ill bring you your own bento tomorrow kyo-san~!’

and you did

the next day, you waited for him at your class and when you caught sight of him walking from your class window, you bounced up in your seat, startling kindaichi from eating his noodles

‘y/n?’

kunimi questioned but you werent even looking at him

‘ill see you later, aki!’

you waved and opened the door to go to kyo, who lowkey got scared when you just ran up to him

he raised his hand to ruffle your hair and you got closer to him and held out the blue box

‘here. as promised’

he held the box and stared at it, like it was the first time someone gave him this

you took his surprise as gratitude and grabbed his hand, swinging it as you talked about your lessons on your way to the roof

when he opened it, he lifted the first container and saw what was hiding at the very bottom shelf

it was a serving of famima chicken with its wrapper stil intact

‘how-’

‘saw you eating it when you first joined the team. then i started noticing you eating it whenever we go to the convenience store’

the fact that you were so perceptive towards him brought an unfamiliar feeling inside him that made his heart thump and stomach to tickle

‘dont worry, kyo-san! i made sure everything was good!’

your eyes closed due to the intensity of your grin and you raised a thumbs up to prove your word further

he blinked at you and truly thought you were an angel

an angel sent down to help a lost hope like him?

was that you?

were you his angel?

during practice, he was actually very calm and collected and wasnt pushing anyone at all which surprised everyone

iwaizumi even stared at him confusingly and if iwa was looking at him like that, the entire team knew something was up

‘oi, kyotani, you good? you sick?’

rip 2020 would like to know your location

the fake blonde turned to him and shook his head, face free of any glare or irritation

in fact, he looked like a completely different person if not for the hair

‘im good’

he answered

‘did they have a buy one get one sale on that chicken of yours?’

oikawa tested

if he answered him, something was definitely wrong

‘no. i dont think so’

yep, something was wrong

oikawa was screaming and shouting that the world was going to end while the others were laughing, panicking, and worrying while iwa just stood there, staring at his underclassman

you returned from filling up the bottles and was confused at the state of the team

‘i-um-what happened’

kyo’s ears perked up at your voice and he bounded up to you like a doggie seeing its owner come home

you smiled and reached up to place a hand on his shoulder with ease bc he was one of the shorter players therefore easier to reach

‘did oikawa-san break again?’

you asked and he nodded

‘hes being an idiot’

he mumbled

‘hes just being oikawa-san, kyo-san. you still have to respect him as your captain, remember that’

you said and he rolled his eyes but nodded anyways

‘fine. only because you said so’

iwa was watching this interaction with very wide eyes and his confusion only grew like 10 million times

kyotani kentarou never answered to anyone and if he did, that must be earned

as far as iwa knew, kyo was just so soft to you and treats you so different than the 7.8 billion people in the world

no person in the world could ever get kyo to act like that except you

and there had to be a reason

and iwa was pretty sure he knew

after practice, you were scheduled to look after the cats in shinsou’s house so you were going to walk with kyo

he was impatiently waiting for oikawa to finish talking to you until his patience just snapped and he grabbed you and lifted you up to his arms then just started walking, surprising everyone in silence

you instinctually wrapped your legs around him and held on to his shoulders tightly while his arms were bounded around your waist

‘OI! KYOKEN-CHAN! HOW DARE YOU STEAL Y/N-CHAN!’

oikawa was punching the air

you placed your cheek on his shoulder and let out a breathy chuckle

‘you couldnt wait for another second, kyo-san?’

‘the trash was starting to reek’

you laughed and grimaced at the laughter that bubbled out of you

‘so mean, kyo-san!’

your laughter made him subconsciously smile and he held you closer, placing his chin on your shoulder as he continued on the trek to the familiar purple house

once you did arrive though, kyo refused to let your hand go

ope reference?

‘kyoooooo~! cmon! let me gooo~!’

‘no’

he grumbled and continued to hold your hand tighter as you tried to tug it free so you could walk up the gates to your employer

‘i need to work~! pleeeease~!’

you whined but he scrunched his nose in distate, pulling your hand forward so you stumbled into his chest where he wrapped both arms to cage you in

‘no. i dont want you with that grape head’

he growled lowly making you laugh and you turned so your ear would be right above his heart

it was beating fast

his scent travelled up your nose and you closed your eyes, snuggling even further

cherry blossoms and vanilla with the slightest hint of sandalwood

‘i need to go’

you mumbled but he gripped your tighter

‘stay with me’

he whispered

tbh you wouldve if literally hizashi-san didnt catch you at the front of his house cuddling

it was quite an embarrassing encouter when he wouldnt stop talking about it and you had to actually push him and aizawa out the door

‘we were really rooting for hitoshi but do what makes you happy, dear!’

‘hizashi-san, please!’

you werent really aware of how clingy kyoken was and it only caught your attention when during one of your lunch (dates), he clinging on to you

your position has now shifted so you were sitting between his legs while you fed him food and he would rest his chin on your shoulder to watch the clouds and sky

‘kyo-san, did something happen? youre clingier than usual’

he shook his head and buried his face in your neck

‘allergies’

he whispered and you leaned your head on top of his, continuing on eating your food

‘hey, kyo-san, do you think it will snow soon? we’re getting into december already so it would snow soon, right?’

you asked and he emerged from his spot

‘i hope so. that would be nice. we need a little more snow now and then’

im SCREAMING RIGHT NOW AND TEARS ARE WELLING UP IN MY EYES HELP-

‘yea. yea. when it falls, i want to go out and stand in it. if we’re lucky, we could have a snowball fight up here. whaddya think, kyo-san?’

pls dont blast at me with the timeline bc tbh my timeline is so messed up and if i was to fix that, id basically have to scrap this entire series bc of how messy with the timeline it is

‘yea. we will’

he hugged you tighter that day

when he didnt show up for practice, you were frantically looking for him

did he skip?

you knew how he struggled not being able to play with the others and missing this opportunity wasnt something he would do

and you were worried where he was and he might be hurt somewhere

you ran out of the gym and out of the school grounds, running through the alleys and any secluded area bc he mustve had a bad day and wanted to get away

indeed, you found him in the alleyway and you were horrified at his bloodied face and ruffled clothing

he was seated on the floor, head leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, even oblivious to the dogs and cats that were worriedly nudging him

‘kyo-san!’

you shrieked and his eyes flew open and he quickly stood up to run but you were quicker and restrained him with your arms around his middle

it was so bad

his foster family,,,, everything was such a mess

he trembled in your arms and you felt his fear, his terror, and you gently, but firmly, held him so you could look at his face

he was staring at the floor angrily, tears welling up in his eyes and you shakingly placed a hand on his cheek, bringing it down so he could rest his forehead against yours

assuring words would fall deaf to his ears so you didnt even bother

instead, you tried to hold his hand, ignoring the flinching, but gently held it and brought it up to rest on top of where your heart would be

his eyes closed and your forehead nuzzled against his

‘feel my heartbeat. recognize me, as it beats for you’

you whispered to him, his other hand shakingly touching the hand that was on his face so he could caress it and he moved his head, placing a kiss on your palm

‘its beating for kenta-kun,, no foster family, no volleyball team, nobody else and nothing else matters but my heartbeat, so focus on it. because this is everything i could give you so treasure it, please’

you whispered, your own tears falling, hurting for your love

okay im full sobbing

‘and the snow. it will snow soon and you and i,,, we will go outside and we will play in the snow. the world will turn white but your colors will still paint my sight. let my heartbeat be your colors and let me color your canvas during the snow, kyo-san. it will beat for you, and only you, for as long as you let it. your heartbeat has painted mine already and its the most beautiful colors ive ever seen’

he cried for the first time that day, not in pain or sadness, but in happiness, because he can finally see it

your love and your colors starting to brighten the black and red hes grown accustomed to and helping him see, indeed, the world was beautiful

but it was truly your colors that made him realize that

kyotani and you stayed in that position for a long time and yahaba, who went after you, saw and quickly ran back to the gym to assure that you were alright and kyotani was safe, in your arms

after the natsu fiasco, he was a frequent visitor in your house and your family gets the gist of yanno, his home life, and your mother even gave him the spare key of the house

‘if y/n-chan trusts you, i do too’

yall what 😭

at night, you would lay out at the backyard, laying side-by-side and pointing at the stars and making up stupid stories as to why that star was brighter than the other or why the moon was built like that

but kyo was more focused, much happier, that he can see everything so much clearer and better

he turned his gaze from the stars to you beside him, your hair spreading out beneath you and your eyes sometimes disapperaing when you would laugh too hard

‘i wonder why the night sky is blue instead of black like the universe’

you wondered out loud but kyotani whispered something you didnt think youd ever hear from him

‘because you let me paint everything with my colors and i refuse to let you see something that i suffered seeing my entire life’

you returned his gaze and this was the real kyotani kentaro

not kyoken,

not kenta-kun

kyotani kentaro

and my god was he beautiful

he kissed you that night

it wasnt anything lustful, nothing aggressive, but not exactly gentle

it was a perfect balance of need yet hesitance that made it so much more powerful and important because it relayed the unspoken words that he had the hardest time letting out

and that was okay with you

kyo’s eyes and touch said everything he wanted to say

there was no one in sight, no body to judge the violent boy and the kind girl, just you and him with the man in the moon, gently smiling that the so-called lost cause finally found his redemption

okay that serious and sad stuff is finally out of the way and no more crying this time so dont be sad anymore :(

your relationship was never something you flaunted around or bragged about bc you and kyo were pretty private people so nobody really knew bc kyo still acted the way he would when oikawa would flirt you but yahaba noticed

oh lordie he noticed

he noticed kyo was much angrier when oikawa does his antics and he would stick closer to you, exchanging bashful smiles with you

the team only noticed when you seemed to just glow

like not like a glowstick

but like your,,, aura,,,

you laughed more, you smiled more, you teased everyone more

you were so,,, you

they had a hunch that something happened between you and kyo but they were never really sure

but ehehehe they confirmed it alright

the third years: mattsun, makki, iwa, and oiks were walking down the hallway when again, someone peaked out the window and saw you and kyo by the shade and you were perfectly angled so they could see the two of you

you were pressed against the wall while kyo was hovering over you with an arm beside your head while his hand was caressing your hip

makki let out a chortled scream that caught the attention of the others and he pointed at you two wordlessly

omg WAS KYOTANI SMILING

they watched as kyo smiled then teased you by kissing your nose, then your cheeks

‘kyo, kiss me right!’

you whined but giggled

kyotani had a teasing smirk but continued kissing you everywhere but where you wanted

‘hm? here? or here?’

right below your ear was your ticklish spot and he knew that so his kisses there tickled you and sent you on a giggling spree

‘kyo~~~!’

finally, he relented and gave you a sweet, yet passionate kiss that always managed to leave you breathless

that was when oikawa went on a rampage

well, he waited until classes were over but during practice, oh girl he went on a rampage

‘Y/N, KYOTANI!’

everyone knew he was serious when he didnt call them with those ridiculous nicknames

ngl you were scared too but kyo just glared at him

‘what’

he grumbled but you instinctively placed a hand on his arm

‘are you dating now, y/n, kyotani?’

iwa gently asked but oikawa was being oikawa

oikawa glared at you then pouted

‘OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, YOU CHOOSE THE DOG?!’

everyone gave each other nervous looks bc they kinda expected this but oikawa asking it like that made them sweat

they expected kyo to blow up but it was you who glared at oikawa, standing protectively in front of kyo

‘and what about it?’

you hissed and oikawa jumped, a hand over his heart

‘REALLY, Y/N-CHAN?! HIM?!’

‘yea and whats the problem with it? how is it your business? why do i need to validate my feelings for him? who do you think you are?’

oml kyo had to drag you out of there bc you were seriously about to fight oikawa for even having the NERVE to say that to you

like kyo held you up with his arms under your armpits as you were kicking the air and wanting to go back in there

‘no! let me go! kyo! i will hit him! come on! baby please!’

you whined and continued kicking

as much as kyo wanted to see you violently hit oikawa, he knew you would feel bad about it later and be guilty for hurting your captain

‘puppy, please. youre too angry right now and i will not sit there and listen to you whine and be sad that you hit oikawa tonight’

you hmphed and crossed your arms

he finally set you down but he wrapped his arms around you from behind and he placed a kiss on your cheek

‘but im really happy though. im really happy that you would fight for me’

but you stayed mad, pouting and looking away with your arms crossed

it was a cute sight honestly

‘of course i would. i would fight anyone who says stuff about you because i love you’

you ranted, just realizing what you said when you finished

no one has exactly said the ‘L’ word yet so you were partly scared that you said it

but kyo laughed then kissed your neck affectionately

‘i love you too, but my puppy is a nice, gentle, kind, little angel’

every compliment earned you a kiss and your tough and angry act finally slipped and you were giggling in his arms

‘yanno, if someone were to see you like this, they would think youre an impostor’

you commented in between giving him little pecks

he shrugged

‘meh. i dont care. i have you so i dont really care what they say about me. but now about you on the other hand-’

you slapped him on the chest

‘you hypocrite! youd fight someone for me but not me fighting someone for you?! how mean!’

you faked a look of surprise but he silenced you with a last kiss

‘youre so cute, y/n. my baby’

the team was a little bit in shambles while you two were away with the third years basically crying and pouting but they really did see this coming so no one was genuinely surprised, even oikawa

‘she really picked him, huh?’

iwa mumbled, a sad smile on his face as if he was just realizing it now

it was something they shouldve easily seen coming and accepted as kyo was so different around you and you treated him so much more than the rest

but why did it hurt so much?

as i mentioned before, they were all really hurting though because in a way, you were their first love

but they wish you to be happy and for kyotani to treat you right because you deserved the universe and more

TIME SKIP!!!!

OH YES I LOVE THIS!!!!

so basically, from my estimation, the timeskip is about 9 years after the third years graduate

so you are like 25 while kyo is 26

lets say you got a job as an editor alongside some guy named akaashi keiji while kyo was still playing volleyball

you got,,,, married quite early like tanaka and kiyoko and you have some minis running around

god decided to give you twins as children like a year after yall wed and currently, you were,,,, having another one??

ehehehe this part made my heart balloon up

imma make it so that kyo actually went to see the olympics with you and your kids are like 3 and theyre actually volleyball fans due to the influence of their uncles and father and partly you

it was easy to get tickets bc iwa literally works for the team and tooru is literally a player and they really wanted to see their godchildren

ngl the team was salty bc you picked them two as godfathers but next time, theyre making you pick out of a hat for your future child

so here you were, each parent carrying a child, lets say the girl is naomi while the boy is naoki, and the girl was wearing a mini argentina oikawa jersey that he specially got for his goddaughter while iwa got naoki a mini kageyama jersey just to spite oikawa

they each were wiggling in excitement to see their uncles and omg imma switch it again that the whole seijoh team is literally there like the og gang is there and watching the olympics

naoki and naomi were excitedly looking around at the unfamiliar faces and kyo was laughing when naomi tugged his collar when she saw her godfather’s picture upclose

‘papa! its kawa! kawa!’

she giggled and he ruffled her mini pigtails

‘it is, isnt it, mimi-chan’

while your son was calmly in your arms, you watched your husband and child interact with each other and her giggling as he tickled her nose

‘y/n-chan! kyoken!’

a familiar shout from only one person made you turn and see oikawa with the others at the back

of course he was huddled in a jacket to not attract attention but the og seijoh volleyball team was back together after so many years apart

‘kawa! hi!!’

naomi wiggled and she told her dad to let her down so she could run up to oikawa who was a few feet away

naoki also caught sight of his idol and you let him run after his sister but crash into the strong arms of iwaizumi

‘hello zumi’

naoki mumbled

‘hey little man! how are you?’

you gave everyone hugs and went to go to a restaurnt nearby to be away from the chaos of the people and kyo could tell you were getting tired standing

he helped you sit on a chair but you kept on grumbling to him

‘kenta, ive been pregnant before, with two! im fine, okay? so stop worrying’

kyo scrunched his nose but flicked your forehead

‘of course i have to worry. you have a literal human being inside of you’

‘well-’

but he used his hand to scrunch your cheeks to prevent you from speaking

‘what? hm, what was it, doll?’

the team gagged

‘seriously! we suffered 3 years of this already! stop it!!’

kindaichi whined

you stuck your tongue out at him and everyone got settled on their seats before ordering their food

the children were being entertained by the others and you were giggling at the antics of your friends

‘honestly, you all are nearly 30 yet you still act like children’

you scolded but had a smile on your lips to show you were actually teasing

‘and you act like youre 50 just because youre married with kids’

kunimi countered with his tongue out

you gasped before trying to reach over the table and snatch the tongue out of his mouth

‘come here you litte-’

but kyo gently sat you back down with a stiff smile

‘baby, doll, darling, love, i swear you forget youre not 18 anymore. please youre gonna send your husband to an early grave if you keep acting like this’

he whined, fake crying and the team was so shocked to see him still acting like this

‘oh my god, y/n-chan, how did you ever get kyoken-chan to be like this? did you brainwash him?’

oikawa mumbled

‘papa dont cry’

naoki tried to reach over the table from iwa’s arms to his father who he thought was really crying

yahaba shook watari in cuteness and mattsun turned to makki

‘can we get one?’

makki scoffed and hit him but still laughed

‘papa is worried that mama will hurt your baby brother, nao-kun’

kindaichi choked on his drink while oikawa screeched, holding naomi tighter

‘BROTHER?! ITS A BOY?!’

the guests in the restaurant were startled by the shriek from the argentina player and you gave kyotani a betrayed look

‘urusai, oikawa!’

kyotani snarled, face turning red at his blunder

‘CAN I BE GODFATHER THIS TIME?!’

‘YAHABA YOU IDIOT! ITS ME!’

‘WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU SHUT UP MATSUKAWA! ITS ME!’

‘OIKAWA YOU GREEDY LITTLE BIT-!’

‘SHUT UP OR I SWEAR TO GOD!’

you slammed your hands on the table, on your feet and glaring down at the men

naoki and naomi were already used to their mother yelling at uncle mattsun and uncle makki so they were snickering at their uncles terrified face

‘mama, they scared’

naoki commented, fiddling with iwa’s jacket zipper

‘its like y/n-chan and kyoken-chan switched personalities or something’

oikawa muttered, still looking wide-eyed at you

‘that’s it. kenta, hold my purse-!’

‘BABY, WHAT-!’

oh my god it was a sight to see

you have this <6 feet professional olympic volleyball player being hit by a pregnant short woman with her shoe and a bleach-blonde man trying to hold her hands so she alternated to kicking

‘y/n-chan! wait!’

‘nearly a decade later and 2 children later, y/n-chan still knows how to hit’

watari watched with a fond smile, reminiscing their old volleyball times

‘will y/n-chan be okay?’

yahaba worriedly asked but naomi gave him a smile that was a copy/paste of her father’s

‘no, uncle baba. its if kawa would be okay’

while everyone else laughed,

oikawa screamed

AND THATS A WRAP! if its not what you guys wanted, not gonna lie, i was even hesitant to write this part because as much as i love kyo, hes quite a hard character to understand and write for, but i didnt want him to be the typical brute caveman child, instead i wanted this to be like him showcasing that hes not just a screaming man but hes a scared boy whos awkward and doesnt know how to express himself. also, its not canon in the manga or the anime, but i put that he was in the foster system and they werent,,, nice,,,, so thats why he knew first aid bc he had to do it on himself and why he was so calm about her getting hurt and treating her. but thank you for reading this one and im about to write an iwa and an oikawa so expect that in the future!!!

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relaxxattack · 3 years

Note

(i dont care to do c! tags bc theres. so many characters. if i dont say cc! then im talking abt the characters) normally i am not one to think much about the syndicate bc outside of ranboo being there to protect tubbo the syndicate Frustrates me a bit but. if phil starts to realize just how fucked over tubbo got by schlatt being erased from the narrative (and especially how shittily techno has treated tubbo) then i really hope they lean into like. the fact that the syndicate may soon turn into phil, niki, ranboo, and possibly the mystery member (im including mystery member mostly because i think tubbo is on good terms with almost everyone except like. dream, possibly wilbur but we'll see, and like the eggpire ppl but none of them are likely options but it is possible that the mystery member could just be neutral) all like. wanting tubbo to be safe and phil is *just* reasonable enough that i think he'd realize how unfair it is for tubbo to have been subjected to so much shit just for techno to introduce even more fear and the need to hide in his life

like phil already keeps the bee duo marriage and michael a secret, he lets tubbo come over and while of course its mostly from the semi lore vibes phil seems vaguely fond of tubbo already (i dont think phil and tubbo have father/son vibes tho, more just like. tubbo is just That Kid that adults cant help but adore even though the kid will rob them of house and home. slightly amused elder watching a tiny fucking gremlin make sex jokes and talk about soviet russia), niki from what i remember still cares about tubbo (probably because she cant redirect any anger towards him without realizing how unjustified it would be kcnsks she can come up with excuses for hating tommy but tubbo didnt do anything that niki has a problem with outside of her maybe having a bad view on butcher army if she knows about it?), ranboo is. ranboo. i dont need to clarify. and then like said theres a very low possibility of the fifth member *disliking* tubbo or being unable to sympathize with him.

people talk a lot about how techno needs to lose in a way that he cant easily come back from without introspection and i think while the rest of the syndicate standing up for tubbo would increase technos grudge against tubbo initially its also like. something that i think would maybe force techno to see tubbo as a person because now theres nothing techno can box (haha gettit. tubbox tubbo in a box tubbo getting boxed into certain roles by people who refuse to let him out techno esp doin this teehoo) tubbo into that wouldnt just. acknowledge that tubbo is a person. hes not apart of the government anymore, not planning any failed revolution, the most negative title to his name is being one of the nuke makers but even then thats out of fear and safety and techno knows that. otherwise tubbos current crimes are nothing thats special to tubbo (like. stealing and searching for evidence in ppls homes and stuff, the latter of which techno doesnr even know about). right now tubbos a husband, a father, a friend, a kid, *ex*-government, a person. and just.

i think that with how much foreshadowing about tubbos execution no longer being a secret amongst the witnesses and tubbo himself and soon being something that people close to techno like phil and ranboo know about as well (in that i want phil to learn that techno did it and for ranboo to learn about it in general bc hes just biased enough for tubbo and just smart enough that i think even if somehow he wasnt told who did it he could figure it out), and with the fact that tubbos lore has been confirmed to now be something thats actively going to be played into? i think (or at least hope) that it might spur phil and techno into finally seeing tubbos side of the story (and probably also get into the possibility of tubbo opening up to tommy and ranboo but i do think realistically either tubbo will try to play it off/not truly open up about how much its effected him or tubbo will at first shut down or go into complete repression mode, especially if phil and ranboo get the story from other people rather than tubbo himself [but god do i hope they confront tubbo himself]. either those two or tubbo talks about his emotions through fucking snapping at something/someone like he did at quackity when reminded of his execution, which as long as its Not tommy or ranboo ill absolutely be cheering on him for)

which is all a very convoluted way of saying uhh. *grabby paws at the ccs currently involved in the arc of clearing up personal misconceptions about l'manberg (and especially tubbos involvement and how easily those around him judged him based off of their versions of the story)* tubbo lore? tubbo healing tubbo talking about his problems? characters learning to see him as a person and recognizing how traumatized he is and that hes not uneffected but actively repressing any effects? please? (also ending note as the cherry on top of this essay that im sorry for dropping into your inbox: im kind of glad that tommys healing arc and tubbos possible healing arc are going to happen at similar times but are still separate. something something its nice to see acknowledgement that tommy and tubbo wont heal in the same way and arent going to know how to help each other but theyre still going through it together. their arcs are intertwining without removing their individuality and as someone w major co-dependency issues its kind of nice idk. you can be there for someone and still acknowledge that you have your own things to go through too and that while you wont be alone you shouldnt force those around you to support you. the bench trio are all helping each other out of free will and genuine love for each other while still realizing they have some problems they arent ready to talk about yet that arent forced to the open because theyre all doing their best to handle each other with care and i just. bench trio my beloveds. the kids are alright.) -🎭🎪 (also as the actual end note if theres ever a need to refer to me as something other than the emojis mask or eyez works fine but the idea of my name being the emojis is also Very Funny to me so do what you will)

im working on my aperture camera college assignment rn and my brain is sort of fried so i dont have an intelligent answer, but i got the happy chemical reading this.

yeah. i think we all know here that my favorite character is tubbo, and i REALLY hope we get him addressing anything that’s happened to him in canon. pretty much all of what you said sounds very good. *grabby hands* spare tubbo lore? please? spare tubbo lore?

perhaps during the three weeks wilburs off in the fucking woods (/lh) we could have a the-others-find-out-what-happened-to-tubbo-(and in DETAIL)-arc. pleaseeeeeeeee and ty

#🎭🎪#lol #anonymous

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #442

“the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?”

Would you ever sell your soul? No. Do you believe that something is going to happen in 2012? Welp, clearly not. I never believed it. Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon? No, but I'd love to! When was the last time you slept in someone else’s bed? Uhhh not since I visited Sara, I think. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? Loud, for sure. Louder than I should listen to. Did the last person you kiss have a tattoo? No. What’s the last song you heard? "The Bird and the Worm" by The Used. Has anyone told you they missed you lately? No. What are you most likely to do when you’re exhausted; take a nap, drink some coffee, or go for a run to get yourself pumped up again? Naps definitely win. What are you most likely to pick if you got to choose your topic on a research paper; drug abuse, mental illness, or the death penalty? Mental illness, for sure. What is your favorite month of the year and why? October, bc aesthetic. What’s your least favorite animal? Probably wasps. They're mean fuckers that kill bees. What was your class song when you graduated? Some super shitty country song. Have you ever had to spend the night outside (not camping)? No. What`s the scariest living animal that you`ve petted? A tarantula, I'd say. She was a sweet rose hair that I literally did pet, which you absolutely should not do to tarantulas, but I knew nothing about them at the time. The urticating hairs on their abdomens cause serious itching, and I tell ya, that sure happened. So did you play old school Nintendo or Atari or Sega? If so which one? We had an old Atari for a long time. When/where did you meet your first love? In the hallway, during my sophomore year of high school. Is there anyone you dislike, that you have to see/speak to regularly? Hm, what qualifies as "regularly," really? I don't like my sister's husband, who I see semi-regularly, but I don't really talk to him. Does your family eat any unique foods for Thanksgiving that aren’t the norm? If so, what are they? Nah, not that I can think of. If you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it? What is your favorite flavor? Milk; I don't like it with water. I only eat the apples and cinnamon kind. Was the last video you watched on YouTube a music video? If not, what was it of? It's a let's play. Have you ever been brave enough to cut your hair in a very different way? If you have, did you regret your decision after? Yes, and I still love it. What was the last book you had to read for school? Did you enjoy it, or were you just trying to get through? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. I loved it. Has anyone you know personally ever won the lottery? If so, how much did they win? Would/have you ever play(ed) the lottery? No to both questions. I have a very addictive personality, so I don't really mess with dangerous things that might tempt that behavior. What band/celebrity/etc. do you know the most information about? Who would you like to learn more about? Markiplier, ha ha. As for who I'd like to know more about... hm. Have your friends met the last person you kissed? Girt has. Who has made the biggest difference in your life? Jason. You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? Also Jason. -_- What is the name on your birth certificate (feel free to withhold your last name for privacy reasons)? Brittany Marie is all you need to know. Even if shopping isn’t your favorite... every girl has a favorite store. What’s yours? My favorite physical store is Hot Topic, but my favorite store overall is Rebel's Market, which I'm pretty sure is just an online source. Which type of undies do you wear most: Thongs, bikini/briefs, bootyshorts, or granny panties? Don't you dare laugh, I prefer "granny panties" lmfao. They're what I'm comfortable in, okay. How many nail polishes do you have, if you were to take a guess? *I* have none. Idk about Mom, but I know not a lot. Are you on birth control? Do you use condoms? I use birth control to regulate my period and ease cramps. If I was sexually active though, both would be musts for me. When did you start your period? How did you react? Who did you tell first? When I got home from school sometime in middle school. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I was EXTREMELY upset. Like, I cried, because I didn't feel like a kid anymore. My mom was the first to know. Have you ever had sex while on your period? If so, would you ever do it again? NO NO NO NO THAT SOUNDS SO GROSS LKASDFJ;AJW;LKERJA;WEJLRKQWLKE;JR. Which way do you swing (boys, girls, or both)? I'm bi. Or pan. I really don't know. Tell me ALL about your longest/most serious relationship. Are you still in that relationship? How about I don't, because doing that I'm sure will send me in a PTSD spiral. No, we're no longer together. Who is your ALL TIME best friend (don’t count your boyfriend, either, silly!)? Sara. I don't think I've been as close with any other best friend. Which one of your friends has the best singing voice? SARAAAAAAAAAAA. What shade are you in foundation or concealer? I don't have a clue. I don't wear either. Have you ever showered with someone? Boy or girl? Were you completely naked? "Were you completely naked." No, I shower with underwear on. I've showered with my little sister as well as my best friend as a kid. I've never shared a shower as an adult and don't want to. Do you think you’re good enough for the person you like? No. Are you a cuddler or no? If I'm really into you, YUP. And if it's not hot. Wouldn’t it be kinda annoying to have to share a bed every night? No. I miss it sometimes. Have you ever walked on a beach at night? Yes. It's beautiful. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Pretty easily, yeah. Would you marry someone you didn’t love if you were paid 10 thousand dollars? No. I just wouldn't be able to stomach doing that. I'm solely marrying for love. Have you had sex today? I haven't in many years. Do you still care about your last ex? Very very much! Do you own more then one bathing suit? Nope. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Yeah, but none I like. Who have you recently made up with after fighting? Nobody. Who do you WANT to make up with? Jason. Megan. Do you get scared easily? Hm. It really depends on the situation. Have you seen UP? Never the full movie, actually. I need to. How many coats of mascara do you use? I use it so rarely that I barely know. Two, maybe? What’s your favorite bracelet? The one Sara gave me. I used to always wear it, but it's worn down with time and is too loose for me now, so it's just with my jewelry. What color hair does your mom have? It's naturally gray now, but she dyes it black. Favorite song to listen to when you are mad? "Headache" by Motionless In White does it. What restaurant would you want to work at? NONE. I ain't working with hungry people. I don't want to work with people - period. When people ask “how are you?” do you say “good” even if you aren’t? Depends on who's asking. If it's a stranger or someone I barely know, odds are I'm just going to reply with "fine" or something like that. Were you honestly a good kid? Yes. Is anything wrong with your eyes? I have to wear glasses, so. Have you kissed or hugged anyone today? No. What is your mom’s and dad’s favorite TV show? I don't really know for either. Mom watches loads of shows, and I don't live with Dad, so. I know he really likes The Big Bang Theory, though, which Mom also loves. Have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? No, but ~supposedly~, Dad did with his now-wife. I don't know what the fuck is true between my parents, though. Do you think buying second hand clothes is gross? It depends on the type of clothing (ex., used underwear is a huge fucking no), as well as the state it's in. Does it gross you out when your parents kiss? They're divorced. That would be incredibly weird, uncomfortable, and impossible with how I know at least Mom feels towards Dad. Do you have a playlist made on YouTube? Yeah, multiple. Do you like dollar stores? I mean, sure? They have good deals occasionally and are a good option to stop for a quick snack or something. Mom doesn't actually *shop* in them, though. What’s the last thing you bought from one? I think a honeybun. Do you think it’s weird how babies are made? Well, yeah. Science can be crazy, though. Have you ever lost a friend over the opposite sex? No. Are you comfortable in a short skirt? I wouldn't be comfortable in ANY skirt. Do you and your family go on a vacation ever year? We essentially never do. Vacations cost money. We don't have money to spare. When you were going out with your last ex and you had the chance to date your celebrity crush, would you have left your bf/gf for them? No, because it's not like I know him personally, while I know her very deeply. Who was your most romantic moment with? Jason. Do you sweat easily? Like you wouldn't BELIEVE. A side effect of one (or even multiple) of my meds is hyperhidrosis, so I can sweat an ocean in two minutes, it seems. It's disgusting, and I am so self-conscious about it. What’s one memory you wish would just vanish? Just a specific moment with Jason that is particularly agonizing to recall. Are you in love with someone? No. Partying or watching a movie? Partying isn't my thing. I'd have more fun watching a movie with friends. What pisses you off the most? Child molesters/rapists, probably. Where do you want to be at a year from now? I just want a job by then, dude. I also hope I've lost a lot of weight. Do you like pickles? Only dill pickles. If you saw someone broken down on the side of the road, would you stop to help? Honestly, no. I don't trust people. What do you do with your plastic grocery bags after you unload your things? We put our plastic bags into one big bag for later use. Have you ever slept in a water bed? Yes. How often do you use Flickr? I don't. I only ever check my friend's for meerkat photos, ha ha. Share three nice memories you have of the person you fell hardest for. No, unless you want me to cry. Have you ever made any of your friends cry? Not deliberately of course, but yes. Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? God no, I look high. Out of all the guys you know, who would you trust to not cheat on you? Girt. I know he never would, especially because HE'S been cheated on. How do you plan on disciplining your children? NOT by physical means, I can tell you that much. If I actually had kids, I'd teach them through (hopefully) primarily deeply talking things out. If need be, there'd be time out, grounding, things like that. I do NOT support methods like spanking your kid, so that's a big no. If you could live in another country, would you? What country? Yes; Canada. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Quinn, probably. What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have? It's a tie between depression and anxiety. What is your cure for hiccups? NOTHING works for me. It's the worst. Did you ever do anything in class that annoyed other students? I mean, I don't think so. Have you used a Ouija board and had a freaky experience with it? I've never messed with one, and I don't want to. I don't know if I believe in their supernatural abilities or not, but I ain't fuckin around and finding out. Do you stick with a political party, or vote for who you like best? I pick based on their policies and morals, not necessarily their party. Do you know anyone who is an albino? No. Word search or crossword puzzle? Word searches. When you watch a game show, do you like to see people win or lose? Aw, who wants to see them lose? It's great to see people win and be so excited. Do you have a pair of fake redneck, vampire, etc. teeth? No. What is your favorite Pixar film? Finding Nemo. Do you get really mad when you lose a game? Not at all. I'm not very competitive, and games are about having fun. When was the last time you used a pay phone? I actually don't think I ever have. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? Jason. Do you go to church every Sunday? I never go to church as I'm not religious. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? Who the fuck cares. If they're comfortable and at least have a shirt on, let 'em. Most women have breasts, big whoop. Do you even like politics? God no. What’s it like at raves? Oh god, I'd never go. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? lol yes

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''self esteem'' by the offspring

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ajokeformur-ray · 3 years

Text

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend.

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go.

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~ *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E V E R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe.

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what”

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too...

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink...

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER

ASDFGHJKL

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much.

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will.

b l o o d s m i l e

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel.

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

t h a t ‘s l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~

i l o v e y o u

#erileck #<- ref tag #arthur fleck #joker 2019 #erika talks

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nyanpoe · 4 years

Text

(Rough) summary of the last NatsuYuu arc

Featuring chapters 106 and 107, “Visiting a late friend”.

Note that my japanese isn’t the best, so i might have misunderstood some things.

Also: my own personal notes are in cursive.

In chapter 106 Natsume takes the wrong bus home after going to some far town (if i remember correctly Touko had asked him to run an errand or smth). Yorishima gets on that same bus and after seeing each other (they were like the only ones in the bus) they start chatting. If i remember correctly, Yorishima had offered to show him the correct bus/way home, but he was on his way to return a book to an old friend (named Kusakabe) he used to exchange letters with who had already passed away, so Natsume offers to accompany him.

We get some more insight into Yorishima’s character, how he’s pretty grumpy, asocial and a shut in. If i remember correctly, in the book he was going to deliver, which was one that Natori retrieved from his mansion in the Miharu arc, he found a letter where Kusakabe told him to go visit him someday.

When they get to the house of Yorishima’s old friend, they are greeted by his 3 beautiful daughters AND feel a weird presence in the house.

The chapter ends with Yorishima telling Natsume that Kusakabe only had 2 daughters, not 3.

Here 2 cute screenshots i took of the chapter

Chapter 107 (later part) starts with one of the letters Kusakabe wrote to Yorishima, where he talks about how he can hear his daughters (note: 娘, musume) played despite having told them to being quiet as he was writing. He also notes how he likes it when it’s lively, and contrasts it with Yorishima’s hypothetical reaction.

The daughters (who are all a bit weird and very pushy) talk a bit about Yorishima and how much their father used to talk about him. Once they leave the room, Yorishima and Natsume discuss how one of them might be an ayakashi, as he is sure Kusakabe had always wrote in his letters about only 2 daughters.

Yorishima starts cursing about how nothing good happens whenever he leaves his house and apologizes to Natsume for dragging him into such a mess. Natsume then realizes he feels like his old self, and reassures him that going all this way for his friend is a very important thing and he'll tag along, for Kusakabe's sake, and mentally adds for Yorishima’s sake too. Natsume then kicks Nyanko-sensei outta the room and tells him to go investigate which daughter might be the imposter (since he was just eating cake and being an ass lol).

Natsume asks if there’s lead to tell apart the fake one, but Yorishima says that none of them resemble Kusakabe physically, although their mannerisms sometimes do.

AND WE GET A FLASHBACK OF THEIR COLLEGE TIME.

In it, Kusakabe tells Yorishima (after failing to feed him an onigiri) about how he should have also gone watch the meteor shower, how pretty it was etc and how the stars seemed to go and fall from all directions, to which Yorishima was like bruh how could that be and if it wasn’t perhaps a tanuki or ghost playing a prank on him. Kusakabe says that maybe that was the reason why the rest didn’t seem to react to it, but that was all the more reason why it would have been merrier if Yorishima had been with him.

Yorishima immediately tells Kusakabe that he should confess to Kyouko-san already and that he actually would have wanted to see the meteor shower with her instead, leaving the other quite dumbfounded as meddling into other’s affairs (or even caring) was pretty out of character of him. Yorishima just answers that if his roommate is being a pain he won’t get peace either so he should be done with his business. He also tells him that he’s a good man, so there’s no way he’ll get rejected.

~end of flashback~

After that we get a 4 pages Nyanko-sensei pov of spying on the girls, who start acting all creepy, making him freaks out and run away.

The last page has a letter from Yorishima to Kusakabe, in which he thanks him for the last letter and congratulates him, saying he was surprised when he learned about his 2 daughters.

Back to Yorishima and Natsume, Yorishima seems to hold his arm, making Natsume worry and ask if it doesn’t hurt (thinking to himself that it’s the rumored ayakashi arm, and wonders if it’s really true) but the other says he was just deep in thought. They discuss about the daughters again, saying that if they look like kusakabe, what similarities they have etc. Since they dont look alike natsume asks if they dont look like the wife then, but Yorishima says he actually doesn’t know about the wife, neither name nor face. He never got to meet her, as he never met Kusakabe after college again. He says that Kusakabe wrote whatever came to mind in his letters and never got to tell him about getting married not his daughters being born, but mentions that he used to date a girl called Kyouko when they were in college. He says that they looked very happy and (not sure of the jp wording here) just looking at each other/at them? made them blush.

Natsume assumes that that must have been his wife then, but Yorishima says that she had died in an accident. He talks about how Kusakabe used to be pretty depressed after it, but since he didn't want to make Kyouko sad he came back to his usual self eventually. Still, he didn’t date anyone after that, that’s why he was very surprised when reading the letter talking about his daughters. Knowing that he was able to form a family, after everything that happened, made him so happy he started trembling.

Nyanko-sensei interrupts them and cries a bit about how the girls were Too Much. After that, the lights go off and Yorishima runs to check that the girls are ok. He starts mildly gay panicking bc he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to his friend’s house. He says to himself that it would have been better if Kusakabe had at least told him how his daughters were called, and remembers the note in the book asking him to come pay a visit someday.

He runs into the youkai and asks who is she, to which she replies that she is kusakabes daughter. Yorishima says that he only had 2 so that's not possible but she says that Kusakabe just never got to tell him about the 3rd (among us voice kinda sus). She tells him that if he catches her she'll tell him the full story. While chasing for her, he starts shouting that it’s Kusakabe’s house, even if he passed away, saying in his mind “isn’t anywhere anymore”, it’s the house of his dear friend, and he won’t forgive her if she tries to do something to his beloved daughters.

He catches the youkai and: turns out all the daughters were DOLLS.

Apparently, Kusakabe bought 2 dolls at an antique shop and when writing the letter, he used the word musume, which can mean either daughter or simply young girl. The daughters say he had realized that Yorishima misunderstood and thought he meant biological daughters, but decided to play along and keep using musume when talking about them. And so, when Yorishima visited him, he would learn the truth. He looked forward to when he would come and find out. That’s why the dolls decided to carry on with that wish, and tell him about how fun and merry Kusakabe’s time there had been.

(Here comes the part where I’m not really sure about some things, and I’m not sure either what they are referring to Exactly so I might have misinterpreted it.)

The dolls say they were actually upset at him for never once visiting Kusakabe, but that seeing his arm they understand he couldnt come. Then, Natsume thinks to himself "to his dear friend... (deepl translation:) in the midst of all the bewitchment...". Yorishima here regrets not being more sincere in his replies to the many letters Kusakabe sent because he thinks that’s probably why he stopped sending them (i think?),and the daughters ask him if he knows why he died. When Yorishima says he heard he died of illness, they say: "yes, the reason is similar to yours (that i understand maybe i read it wrong). he simply stopped sending letters when he lost the strength in his handwriting". (when he didnt have enough strenght to write properly basically, bc that’s shittily worded). Here they show that Kusakabe told his daughters that Yorishima is very intelligent and his own handwriting was very strong and beautiful, so he would notice and get weird worries.

The daughters then say that there are a lot of letters he never got to send.

In one of those letters, he writes Yorishima that he had ordered a new doll for his daughters, so it seemed like his house would become even more lively (and also something about a job but idk if it refers to the doll or smth else). A sepparate bubble shows: “one day, when you come...”.

With the book being returned, the daughters have then acomplished their mission. When they leave Natsume wonders what will they do from now on. Here Natsume wonders about Yorishima’s regrets, the reason why he couldnt pay a visit to his friend, and his own duty with the book of friends.

Yorishima thanks Natsume for his helps and Natsume says its a good thing he came to see him (aka Kusakabe). He is holding the book open, and as the wind makes the pages flip one last note, with a pretty shaky handwriting ,appears between them. Natsume asks what does it say.

Yorishima says that it just says as usual, just some foolish things.

#spoilers #better link and share privately instead of reblogging #because i added some manga screenshots

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heartmeadows · 3 years

Text

oooof sorry I haven’t been around again. under a read more cause I am mentioning trauma in general and y’all probably know (or not) that I have serious stuff going on so I’m not going into detail and if this is triggering just don’t read, you’re not missing out. it’s mostly an update on my well being and the case regarding the crimes I was a victim of. it IS triggering stuff but I’m not mentioning anything that has been done. I’m being as vague as I can. anyway if you don’t want to read about that I’ll just say that I will be posting sims content sporadically probably :) and you can ignore the rest of what I’m rambling about

I do play but I haven’t taken screens tbh and I’m too lazy to edit any previous ones lmao. I’m also dealing with a lot health issues (literally life threatening with the vein blocks lmao thanks AND I have pretty severe psoriasis now and I found out it’s an autoimmune disease so yay thanks trauma for making me even more ill) but I’m still trying to focus on having a positive mental state. journaling helps a lot, as does simming. it’s the lil things that carry me. I had another suicide attempt tbh but it wasn’t a severe overdose so.... I was just fucked up for days and didn’t go the ER bc I wasn’t dying this time and I’m a stubborn idiot bc I’ve been traumatised with the whole ICU trip being in a breathing machine and all that......... LIKE what is my life??? it’s been trauma since I was born so uhh yeah. I’m strong and I can get through anything and I’m definitely fucking going through the craziest fucking shit like what.... but I’m starting to feel so much better. like I’m me again. despite feeling better I’m stressed out all the time as one is with C-PTSD and with the psoriasis stress has become even more... stressful holy shit. but I have to be strong. I’m on medications for most things. just need to get some help with the psooooooo.

so anyway I have one more statement that I need to give to the cops and then the arrests and court stuff starts happenings and thankfully I don’t need to be involved in that. I’m finally out of the whole trauma bonding I had and I’m sober nowadays so I have better and clearer recollection of things and I found out some info on my own a while ago because uhh I guess a lot of people are connected in this shit. so uhh yeah. I’m scared bc it’s gonna be triggering to talk about it all and writing it but mum’s gonna help me with it and I just need to send it as an email probably. the cops and my lawyer are being so understanding despite wanting to move this thing forward as fast as possible. I found out one of the cops working on my case has a brain tumor which is awful but she told my mom that she doesn’t even want to go the surgery before this thing moves forward bc there’s a lot of people they have evidence against now and they’re dying to get the fuckers. literally. I didn’t think this would happen so I’m pleasantly shocked, if you can say that. I hope none of those fuckers read this, idk if they follow my social media. but it’s not like they can do anything anyway cause they’d just prove that they’re still dangerous criminals if they did anything more. sooooooo. it seems justice will actually be served like oh my god. I can’t tell you how much of a relief even the thought of it is. anyway I didn’t mean to ramble about that but I suppose I needed to let it out. I won’t be mentioning any details anymore about what was done like I said so you can read back to my previous post(s) that mention what happened if I haven’t deleted them. but yeah. that’s that. thank you for reading if you have. and thank you for everyone who has replied or messages me with your support. it DOES mean the world to me <3 and I’m sorry I haven’t replied. these days I avoid social interaction for the most part because I need my space even with the people I love. so even if I don’t reply back I do honestly appreciate all of your support and I hope you know that <3

#nonsims #personal #i won't put trigger warnings sorry #like i said if crime trauma mental health etc is triggering please just don't read my personal posts i totally understand

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noah-moth-cursed-chaos · 3 years

Text

Emile-Hides told me about their self indulgent(and also super cool) Chzo Mythos au, so I have decided I shall reveal some stuff about mine as well, mostly just random details. Im p sure it diverges from canon quite a bit, especially the parts involving Chris Bc I can’t fully understand Chris’ canon for the life of me(It isn’t actually very complicated I’m just dense for some reason) Most of the first half of this has turned out to be rambling abt the TCS factors of my au specifically.

-Obviously, post TCS events, as I’ve mentioned before Trilby adopts a scuttler which he trains and raises, the scuttler becomes a soldier buzzer when it grows up. Trilby adores it.

-Trilby has a brother! The brother is my interpretation of one of the playable characters in TCS, but I won’t say which one.. yet.

-I wasn’t a huge fan of the paradox full circle 7DAS Malcolm being Trilby thing so I sorta made my own version? 7DAS Malcolm and his family are clones of Trilby and his family made by Chzo so Trilby could fully serve his purpose as a guide. Obviously they aren’t exactly identical because of the huge environmental and time differences.

-My version of the Wizard grew up in The Order Of Blessed Agonies. Her father was a devote member and her role model. Her blessed agony of the soul was supposed to be to kill him. She couldn’t do it. They locked her up and planned to sacrifice her, a member of the Ministry of Occultism however investegated the location, shut it down, and freed her. She then promised herself she’d stop The Order’s plans.

-The scholar kept a wallet with pictures of his family in it to remind him of why he was trying to stop the ancient. Eventually he got word of the murder of his wife and child and... gave up, sadly.

-The warrior found his car, and decided to use his notes to figure out what was happening and how to stop it, on the way he ran into the wizard, and they decided to work together to stop the ancient.

-The invading ancient was Chzo.

-Trilby was trying to find the ancient at the same time, he arrived at Stonehenge very shortly after the Warrior and Wizard had managed to banish Chzo. Trilby helped patched them up and they all talked and all that good stuff. Neither Trilby or the Wizard could really go back to their past at that point. Because of this the Warrior offered to let them stay with him. On the way out of Stonehenge was when Trilby found and grabbed Steve the scuttler.

Ok now on from TCS

-Chris has amnesia. He can’t remember much of what happened before the day his parents died. He also doesn’t remembered what happened to reverse his zombie-ness. He just knows he isn’t a zombie anymore.

-Chris lived with his parents in the house we see in the game, but didn’t have the best relationship with them. Because of this he also had a room at an appartment his friend stayed in(he insisted on helping her pay the rent despite her saying he didn’t have to). He and this friend had known each other since high school and were super close. He doesn’t remember hardly anything about her, but he read some of his old books and saw her name mentioned in the lists of people he thanked, so he does know whoever she was she was important to him.

-The mental hospital Chris stayed in was really a product of its time. The doctors didn’t understand much about the mental illnesses they were treating. Their practices weren’t great, and the psychology they relied on was flaky at best. Chris honestly ended up worse off because of it.

-Trilby did in fact meet Chris while trying to steal a ruby! And yes, they went on a date. Trilby was just trying to get out of trouble. Chris was quite flattered and thought there was more to it. They went their separate ways after that. A few years later when they run into each other when Trilby joins the Ministry, both are a bit shell shocked.

-After the hotel incident Trilby just entirely shut everyone out. He was terrified of everything. He was a mess. Most of the Ministry just brushed him off, another nobody who couldn’t handle the stress of the job. Chris reached out to him and tried to help him through everything. This is how they started getting close.

-When their handler at the time noticed that they were beginning to become friends, she(idk who their handler actually would’ve been so I just made someone up) started sending them on missions together, wanting to see how they’d work together in the field. They worked great, and therefore ended up a pretty well known duo in the ministry.

-Claire is good friends with both Chris and Trilby and is sorta a mother hen type. She’s always pestering them to take care of themselves and be responsible and all that. She’s a very sweet woman.

-Trilby took Simone’s death personally. He took all the deaths related to Chzo and Cabadath personally. Yes he wasn’t particularly close to most of the people, but he still should’ve stopped it. In his mind at least. He feels like since he’s directly connected to Chzo by fate, he shares partial responsibility for the suffering and death Chzo causes that he fails to stop.

-On a lighter note Trilby ended up sorta a father figure to Jim. They keep in contact through mail mostly. It’s part of what compelled Trilby to join the STP: ending up in jail, until Jim found out, would just look like he abandoned the poor kid. He didn’t want to do that to him.

-Trilby has dad instincts. Don’t fight me on this.

-Chris is that person who learns to make all the drinks his friends like so he can surprise them with them when they have a bad day.

-Chris keeps his bedsheets and himself extremely clean despite the rest of his appartment usually being a mess. He figures if he can’t keep up with all of it right now he should keep up with what helps him feel comfortable and work his way up.

-Trilby is the literal definition of organized chaos, his house, his office, all of it looks like a train wreck, but he knows exactly where everything is. It’s magical.

-Chris one time tried to adopt a hellhound. Nobody was exactly happy about that. Chris eventually had to send it back to hell.

-Chris acts shocked when Trilby curses despite Trilby doing it quite often.

-Trilby is more sentimental than you’d think. He keeps a lot of little trinkets and such to hold on to those he loves in a way. If you give him a gift, chances are he’s not getting rid of it unless he absolutely has to. Even then it’s not too likely he’s letting it go. His most treasured keepsake is his mother’s wedding ring.

-Chris can’t take good photos for the life of him. They all come out blurry or overexposed or grainy. He finds it infuriating but his friends find it hilarious.

-Trilby and Chris are those idiots who pine for each other constantly but neither can say crap. Claire just wished they’d get over themselves and kiss already.

#chzo mythos #chzo Mythos au #xdays #xdays series #xdas #I know it’s not too out there but I have big anxiety with straying from canon

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littlehouseofkarlacade · 3 years

Text

k so since i’ve been hiding the fact that i’ve been depressed and frustrated af lately, i’m just gonna slam it all here under a read more. ignore if you want, actually please do, it’s just me bitching again--

so holy shit the way america is rn frustrates the absolute hell out of me. covid has only made it worse; it feels like we’re never gonna get out of this fuckin’ pandemic because of people screaming that their rights are being violated bc they’re being asked to wear masks (?????? you’d fuckin’ hate it in asia then, ya goddamn snowflakes) and having parties all over the place, plus there’s all the politics shit that i’m not even going to get into, and just... it’s so damn hard to actually live here because everything costs a motherfuckin’ fortune. for fuck’s sake, i am a woman making $15 an hour at a part time job that gives me only 12-15 hours a week, how the fuck am i gonna succeed in anything with that?!

holy fuck. i want so many things that are just out of reach, it feels like. i want to help sylvie start HRT so she can finally start kicking gender dysphoria’s ass and actually start being happy with herself and her body, but considering she has practically 0 health insurance, she makes even less than i do, and it’s fuckin god-tier expensive, i have no idea where to even start with that. a friend of mine told me about planned parenthood (which would probably be a really good idea for both of us, considering i’ve never had my, uh, inner workings checked out), but i have no idea if there’s even one in our area or anything, or how we’d go about starting anything regarding that. it’s so goddamn frustrating, because i hate seeing her hate herself and her body so much because she’s got the wrong goddamn one, and i feel like she’s just got this general feeling of hopelessness around the entire thing, and i want to show her that it is reachable for her, but... how am i supposed to do that if i don’t even know where to begin?!

ALSO, not even relating to that

i want a house. not an apartment, not to keep living with people i barely know, but my own actual goddamn house. my credit score is lookin’ pretty damn good right now -- it’s almost in the 700s, but... i have no idea where to start with that either. and like... i’m afraid, as well. because if we go buy a house, and then something happens where we can’t afford things with the house anymore, then we’re fuckin’ homeless. and like. i’ve been homeless before -- not out on the streets, but i was couchsurfing for a good year and a half, and that sucked -- and i never want that to happen again. rent is expensive as fuck, more than both of us put together can afford, especially with all of sylvia’s bills. our roommate kicked us out of our old place, so we had to quickly scramble to find a place, so we’re living with a couple of sylvia’s friends, and i personally cannot stand it. it’s nothing against them, really, i just. i hate being almost 29 and still having to rely on others for a place to fucking live. it’s fucking godawful. and considering i don’t have any family members or anything that will help me, it’s so... alskdjflkdsal;afd

plus we’re not even in our original city anymore, we’re stuck on a goddamn island that we have to pay a toll to drive back onto every time we go home from work, so that fuckin’ sucks. and i miss our old city so much and it hurts so bad that we don’t live there anymore; i was really at home there, it was the first place where i really felt i could be myself and just... leaving there fucking sucked. i want to go back, and i fully intend to. someday. when i can actually afford things like a goddamn house. why are houses so goddamn expensive anyway; it’s like fuckin’ robbery. idk.

PLUS, since i graduated from community college this past semester, i’m currently on a break, and i fully intend to go back to university, hopefully in fall semester. BUT, idk, it looks like i’m gonna have to push that back to spring 2022, considering we don’t have a place of our own, i can’t drive (was going to get my permit this past summer but covid fucked that in the ass), and while we don’t want to live here, i have no idea where we will be living, and location matters a lot for me since i can’t fuckin’ drive!! i can’t even start applying to universities until we figure that out, and it’s just... god. i feel like i’m spinning my goddamn wheels again, and i fucking hate that feeling.

this is all over the goddamn place and i’m so sorry for that, but i’m just so frustrated and thinking on all of it makes me so fucking depressed that most days lately i just feel like giving up. stop having goals, try to be content working at fuckin target for the rest of my life (even though it makes me wanna die). but goddammit, i’m too fuckin’ ambitious for that (before jkr turned into a fuckin’ bitch, i always got slytherin house because that’s me, kids), and i apparently can’t be satisfied with what i already have because i’m a spoiled-ass bitch, i guess. i always want better. like. i feel like i have to make something of myself before i’m allowed to feel happy and content with my life, and that’s frustrating too. it’s like... i dunno. things aren’t happening the way i want them to, and i just get pissed off at myself for allowing things to happen as they are.

just... god. fuck off. eat the rich. fuck capitalism. i don’t want to be a millionaire or anything. i just want to make enough to not have to live paycheck to paycheck and be able to actually afford things i want without feeling fuckin’ guilty about it. i mean jfc i spent almost $50 on tea shit on this past paycheck bc i got a bonus from target corporate so i had some extra money, but i still feel guilty about it!! and. jesus christ. i don’t know where i went wrong. probably being born to poor, abusive people is where i went wrong.

fuck off.

having mental illness and being poor is. fucking awful. i don’t wish it on anyone.

i just want things to be betterrrrrrr for fuck’s sake.

the end

#karla is frustrated #real talk with karla

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sunsetsover · 4 years

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i'm so sorry about the election result, it's pure shite :( for headcanons/fics, god PLS do either mama highway coming back oR callum and lexi x

don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault :-( it’s david cameron’s fault. he literally started this whole shit storm and now he’s pissed off somewhere meanwhile the rest of the country is fucked lmao danny dyer was RIGHT

i would love to talk abt mama highway tbh but i feel like in order to do the subject justice i’d have to really sit down and go back to see what callum/stuart/j*nno have said abt her in the past bc i remember little bits (like didn’t callum talk abt getting a valentine’s card from her last year? but then stuart told whitney that they hadn’t spoken to her in years? so did they retcon that out? idk i have Questions) but i probably don’t remember loads so maybe i’ll come back to her another time and do a proper post abt it. but i do really hope she comes into the picture at some point in the future bc i think it would provide some really good conflict for callum (like just imagine the undeniable anger he’d feel towards her for leaving him with j*nno vs his desire to have a mum and some semblance of his own family... trying to figure out if he wants her around and if can forgive her or if he even WANTS to forgive her... like what if callum wanted to forgive her but stuart wanted nothing to do with her and it caused a rift between them? there’s so much the writers could do w that and it would be so GOOD) and some much needed background/history for callum and stuart. like there’s so much missing there bc none of the highways have really spoken abt her or what happened at all so all we really know is that she left and has (assuming the valentine’s thing has been reconned) never really had anything to do w her sons... but like why did she leave? WHEN did she leave? did she go bc j*nno was an alcoholic and scumbag, or did her leaving make him like that? did she leave for good and basically have nothing to do with any of them, or was she still a mother to them initially? did she try to take them with her, or was she happy to leave them behind and live her own life? does she have other kids now? like??? there is SO much there and it would be so good to explore and it would be so much fun to write.... @ ee hire me

(also lmao i said i wasn’t gonna talk much abt her but look.... i just can’t help myself apparently)

but callum and lexi... god their relationship really is so sweet and i am especially emo abt it today.... i just think it’s so interesting how ben having a kid has never ONCE been a problem for callum like he embraced her straight away and is more than happy to be a part of lexi’s life and god yeah i just love them sm

here are some headcanons for ur enjoyment (i’m sorry i didn’t write u a fic but i do have a lot of callum/lexi in the fics i’m gonna be posting soon so i hope ur not too disappointed 🥺️):

callum is really nervous initially to spend time lexi outside of like normal everyday stuff - like taking her to school, for example, or being around during her bed time. it’s not that he doesn’t like her or doesn’t want to be there, he just doesn’t want to impose. and he worries that he is imposing by doing stuff like that, or maybe she didn’t actually want him there - or around at all - and is just too polite to say. ben assures him, when callum tells him that, that if lexi hadn’t wanted him around she would definitely not have a problem letting everyone know. callum had appreciated him saying that, but didn’t believe him until one day when he was stood in the school playground with ben waiting to pick her up, and she had burst out of the building and went straight for callum, eager to show him the picture she had drawn for him during lunch, when they’d been kept inside because of the weather. ‘oh that’s nice, innit?’ ben had said, feigning insult, ‘you draw a picture for callum, but you don’t draw one for your own dad?’

they bickered playfully while callum had just stared at the picture, a little bit confused as to what it was he was looking at, but appreciative of it all the same. it even had ‘to callum’ in spiky, childish letters written in the top corner.

he turns back into the conversation just in time to catch ben saying ‘no, you can hold callum’s hand if you like him so much’, to which lexi whines and tries to pull ben’s arms away from his chest where he’d crossed them tightly so she can take his hand. he caves a moment later, lifting her up and throwing her over his shoulder and running off with her. a few other parents look over when they hear the commotion - lexi is half laughing, half screaming, and ben is tickling her sides, growling something that sounds like ‘you’re my baby, mine’ - but ben doesn’t even seem to notice. he just stops by the gate, looking back at callum, waiting for him to catch up.

the picture goes straight on his fridge as soon as he gets home. he doesn’t doubt what ben tells him about lexi ever again.

the first time callum and lexi spend proper time alone together, it’s the school holidays and ben is ill at home, and lexi is going a little stir crazy being stuck in the house, which really isn’t helping ben feel any better, but no one else can look after her bc they’re at work or out. so callum offers to take her out for a little while, get her out of ben’s hair so he can rest. he’s never seen ben so grateful.

they only go to the park, but lexi seems excited anyway - holds his hand on the way there without him having to ask, doesn’t wonder too far away from him. he pushes her on the swings for a little while then sits off a ways to watch her play with the other kids at the playground.

at one point she trips and falls while running and callum absolutely freaks out bc she’s scraped up her knees and palms, but lexi bothered at all. she doesn’t even cry. in fact she’s already stood herself back up by the time callum gets to her, dusting the gravel off her raw knees and palms. she even makes to run off again - callum has to stop her so he can take her somewhere and get her cleaned up.

he’s still freaking out, so he takes her to the pub, figuring mick would know what to do. mick, much to his dismay, laughs when he sees the state callum is in about the whole thing (compared to lexi, who is very much over it), and pulls out a first aid kit for him to use. callum sits her on the bar, and lexi chats to mick about what they’d been doing as callum cleans the dirt off her scrapes, then slathers them in antiseptic cream and carefully puts plasters on both of her knees. he honestly thinks he’d been less stressed dealing with literal war wounds.

callum orders her a lemonade and a packet of crisps out of sheer guilt, which makes mick shoot him a look that screams ‘soft touch’ even as he pulls out a glass and starts filling it. then, as callum passes money to him across the bar, he can’t help but ask mick ‘what am i gonna tell ben and lola? they’re gonna kill me’. mick just laughs. ‘they’re not gonna kill ya. she tripped and scraped her knees, halfway; she’s a kid, these things happen.’ and then he’d passed him his change, and they’d both looked at her, drinking too fast through a straw, kicking her legs against the bar from her stool. ‘look at her,’ mick had said, ‘she’s absolutely fine, ain’t ya?’ and lexi had just smiled around her straw and nodded.

(for the record, ben and lola had not killed him when they had found out. in fact, lola had laughed nearly as hard as mick had when she’d seen how guilty he felt.)

less specific but lexi loving to sit on callum’s shoulders bc he’s so mf tall that she feels like a giant

lexi inviting him to come see her in her school play and callum getting embarrassingly emotional about it

callum being the ONLY ONE who can make her eat her vegetables........ like she will only willingly eat them if she knows callum has cooked them.... it’s actually a bit of a problem bc now she won’t ever eat vegetables anymore....

ben coming home to find lexi AND callum sat on the floor colouring, so immersed they don’t even realize he’s there

callum and lexi being the early risers in the house so most weekends they’ll end up sitting on the couch, sharing a blanket and watching cartoons in the morning while they wait for everyone else to get up

i could literally talk abt callum and lexi all day but i’ll stop there bc this post is long enough as it is but just know i Love Them

💖💖💖

#callum highway #lexi pearce #ballum #eastenders #some bonus fluff after tonights fluff i guess LMAO #ashpanesars #question

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ecoamerica · 25 days

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youtube

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

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hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :(

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie?

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in!

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo]

me: oh shit u right

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE-

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU.

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH

Gays Win

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later!

#this is more of a recap than a liveblog lmao #anyways. good times #lj watches hxh #hxh

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angeliclunaetic · 4 years

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just thinking back to the day i met him, till now and,, there was always something about him. something that drew me in and everything just felt right. That day we met,, something about him just drew me in. idk if it was his sense of humor or just how polite n sweet and caring he was in general but it was,, something. idek why i even texted him in the first place. i just commented on his stuff and decided to text him. we talked for a few and then he showed me a pic of himself and i was just,, in awe. he really was the cutest thing ever. yes i had thought abt using him when i first saw him but,, i couldnt even if i had wanted to. i seen his pic and thought “yeah he looks like he’d be easy to use” but then by the end of texting him that night,, i fell so deeply for him. actually no. i already fell for him. way before we even met. that must be how everything felt so right. but just texting him a little bit that first night,, i just instantly wanted to know more about him. i never even talked abt someone else to my gc and for some reason i had the urge to talk about him,, like i knew he was the one but didn’t realize it. and then when we called for the first time,, i swear i had butterflies. even though i was otp with him and his friend,, i was so nervous to just talk to him. i had thought of him as my crush at that point. no one had ever made me feel that way. i never got so nervous to talk to anyone. i wanted to stay quiet that entire time so i wouldnt say something stupid and embarrass myself but something about him,, made me want to be so open. so i talked to him,, and when we got off the phone of our first call,, i was so incredibly sad. i wanted to talk to him more and more and i just wanted to call him again already,, but i wasnt sure how he had felt or if he even felt the same. i thought he did but i didnt wanna assume and make a fool out of myself. i wasnt sure if he had a crush or if he was just being nice. but after a while it was easy to realize. he was way too sweet and caring to me. more than a friend should be. he was there for me the night i was bawling otp w my ex. and he got mad and upset about how my ex was treating me in a way that was different than just my friends. and thats what made me fall for him even more. just him. being himself. him being so sweet. so caring. him just being there for me and not judging me and wanting others to treat me right. and when we videocalled that first time,,i was so nervous. i was worried he’d see what i look like and not be attracted to me anymore. but he still was. but i was so nervous anyways. but when i saw him on video call for the first time,, i was in shock. how could someone be so cute. so perfect. how could someone capture my heart just by simply smiling at me. i knew from then, that i, was in love with him. i wanted to be his so badly. but when he had asked me out i wanted to just scream yes at him,, but something in my mind told me to just calm down and wait,, however a part of me was worried that if i had made him wait that he’d find someone better and leave me. but he didn’t he stayed. even after that night i had told him everything. of how i used to use people and how i had originally planned to use him and he still stayed. i swear i felt my heart break that night and i was crying so much out of fear that he’d leave me before we even got together. i had such strong feelings for him and i wanted him to be mine. but i wanted to make sure i was away from,, that thing,, and that i fully loved him before i got into anything serious. i didnt wanna jump from relationship to relationship either. a part of me just wanted to be single and just have fun. but just,, talking to him and texting him,, i wanted him. i didnt care if i wasnt single. i just wanted him. but also a part of me didnt want to love again. or “love” as i should say considering i never loved anyone before him. i was mentally and emotionally exhausted and relationships are just so much work and you have to give someone such a large piece of yourself and i wouldnt be able to handle being broken again. so many thoughts ran through my head. “what if i dont love him, what if im just attracted to him because im going through things and he’s there for me” “what if he wont wait for me” “what if he doesnt like me “ “what if im using him and dont realize” “what if i get hurt” all these “what if’s” and i never once thought abt the reality of it all. that i, had feelings for him. that he felt the same. that he was willing to wait for me, even if it took years. that he would never hurt me and even allowed himself to be hurt by me if that meant even just getting a chance at me loving him. i guess i was just so worried and just in shock. no ones felt so deeply for me before.and that night that i had asked him out,,, i had seen a pic of my ex with this new girl and i felt absolutely nothing towards it. so then,, thats when i knew. i was over him. that emotional attachment was gone. and my feelings for sam were real. and we had called that night,, that entire night i was so nervous and got butterflies, and i realized i never stopped smiling once during that whole phone call. and after we got of,, i, once again, was extremely sad. i wanted to hear his voice talking to me for hours and hours. i wanted to smile and feel nervous and get butterflies. and at that point i was like,, fuck it. yes i was still worried that my feelings werent true. but what was the harm in trying. he was the only person to have caught my eye in like,, ever. he was on my mind that whole night and probably abt like 30 mins after we got off call i asked him out. my feelings for him were too strong. i was worried he wouldnt wait and i couldnt risk losing someone as special as him to someone else,, if i did, i wouldve never forgiven myself. im glad i asked him out. even though i had surprised myself by it,, i just couldnt wait any longer,, i needed to make him mine. and i did. and i wouldnt change it for the world. the first month for me was very,, rough. of course we were still getting to know each other and our boundaries,, and i of course made some mistakes. my fears of possibly not having true feelings were coming back. and it pushed him away because he didnt wanna get hurt. and he almost left me. those two nights that we had an issue and he had left me,, they broke me. they really did. that was the worst i had ever been. the crying,, the screaming,, the anger and complete sadness i felt. i felt as if i had lost everything. i felt as if i had nothing left. if i didnt have him,, then,, who am i. im nothing without him. he’s my other half. my soulmate. and i thought i had lost him. im glad im so annoying and clingy otherwise i’d be so fucking heartbroken without him. we had only been together for less than a month those two times and yet i felt so strongly for him. nothing has ever made me feel this way. i had never wanted to keep someone in my life so bad before. it was like,, i needed him to breathe. i needed him to smile. i just,, needed him. i cant live without him. just thinking about a life without him makes me fucking sick. i want him and only him for the rest of our lives. no one can even compare to him. im just,, in shock. like im really in love with him and it just amazes me. im sitting here writing this as he’s sound asleep and i just. i miss him a lot. i guess all my feelings are coming out now since ive been distant the past month but,, i dont care. ill gladly shout from the rooftops how much i love him. god there’s so much more i could say about us. even before we started dating. i cant get over the rush i felt. the excitement, the nerves, the butterflies,, even all the “what if’s”,, i still get nervous and get butterflies when talking to him but ofc they’re not gonna be as strong as when we had met and declared our love for each other. speaking of love,, now im reminded of the day i had told him that i love him,, we had “argued” the day before and i thought i had lost him for good,, and that next day,,i wanted nothing more than to just hold him and kiss him and tell him that i love him. i know the words “i love you” is such a meaningful thing,, i couldnt help but tell him. its exactly how i felt. i loved him. i couldnt be apart from him,, even after only a week of dating him,, i was in love that night i thought he was leaving me for good,, absolutely broke me. and the next day i just wanted to hold him tight and never let him go. even though i was so nervous to tell him that i loved him,, i just,, i knew i was sure. no one had ever made me feel so strongly about them. yeah ive cried over my ex. but nothing could ever compare to just the complete distraught i felt that night. that crying so much it burned my throat and threw up,, the screaming,, just the complete sadness and anger i felt. after that,, i knew i loved him, and i wasnt afraid to tell him. i was nervous bc of how he’d react but i knew that i was never more sure of anything else in my life. i love him. and i want to be with him forever.

#lovenotesforsam

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d2myg · 5 years

Text

50 questions tag

tagged by @rysiowate thank u darling!

1. What takes up too much of your time? my hyperfixations and constantly updating all my online accounts and personas

2. What makes your day better? when i feel like ive accomplished something in a day; also, getting to go to bed after a long day

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? i made really good tofu fried rice

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? the shire. just wanna live in a tiny hobbit house and eat and read

5. Are you good at giving advice? depends what it is about. and also, im better at getting my points across via text, so im useless at advice irl

6. Do you have any mental illness? anxiety and depression, im pretty i have some kind of executive dysfunction and maybe dependent personality disorder, but these two are just my assumptions. who knows really im broke and too anxious to go a therapist to get diagnosed lmao

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no thank god it sounds terrifying

8. What musician inspired you the most? even though i’m not an active stan anymore i’m gonna say bts because they’re the artists i’ve stanned the longest for and grew most attached to. i think they helped me develop as a person and they’ve been there for me in tough times. but also queen, because in freddie mercury i found a queer icon and role model which is very important for me

9. Have you ever fallen in love? i thought i was in love once but looking back, maybe not

10. What’s your dream date? i think this dream date business is bullshit. as long as im with the person i like, we could be doing literally anything and id still be like yeah this is a good day. like running errands or going grocery shopping or just lying in bed.

11. What do others notice about you?

idk probably my self-deprecating humour. also i if im wearing makeup that almost always gets commented on so i guess that

12. What is an annoying habit you have? just one? lmao uhhh when im super anxious about something i just shut off and like i cant function until that thing is resolved. my brain is just like ok anxiety time lets lay in bed and cry and nap for the rest of the day. also when im not in the mood to reply to someone’s text i will literally go days without replying not bc i forgot but bc i just.. yeah

13. Do you still talk to your first love? sometimes i check up on her (on her social media) but no we havent talked for almost a year since it ended. but then, was she really my first love. idk.

14. How many exes do you have? one

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i have multiple playlists and i also follow a lot of playlists; all together there must be at least 1k

16. What instruments can you play? acoustic guitar

17. What do you have the most pictures of? travelling, i have folders of pictures since last year that i havent edited yet

18. Where would you like to go before you die? hm. everywhere i havent been yet. id really like to go to canada, also like everywhere in asia

19. What is your zodiac? scorpio

20. Do you relate to it? idk i dont really read horoscopes and idk the like scorpio personality traits or whatever

21. What is happiness to you? being content with myself and what im doing.

22. Are you going through anything right now? final assignments of the semester :)

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? getting too attached to some people.

24. What’s your favorite store? record stores are so cool. also there’s this store in brighton that sells prints of stuff like ghibli on tshirts and tote bags. not my favourite, but i like it. i dont think i have a favourite.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? im pro-choice. i dont think it should be a debate.

26. Do you keep a bucket list? no

27. Do you have a favorite album? sheer heart attack by queen, that shit slaps

28. What do you want for your birthday? honestly not to be shallow but some coins so i can buy myself some stuff ive been wanting to buy but didnt wanna spend money on

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? idk probably that im a bitch or that im intimidating. before i open my mouth to talk. one of my best friends told me they were scared of me when we first met.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? idk i mean no one really questions my age tbh. when i was younger people thought i was older lmao cause i seemed mature or whatever

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? usually on my bed bc i sleep with earphones

32. What word do you say the most? uuuh……. like. when i talk i say like after every 3rd words its annoying

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 5-6 years probably

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? ½ years max

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? i dont talk about my career ambitions with anyone lmao it makes me anxious. my mom says i could do personal couching or psychotherapy or whatever.

36. What’s your favorite music genre? classic rock

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? sweden sounds really nice. hong kong or singapore also

38. What is your current favorite song? hm. the iron man 3 credits soundtrack. slaps. suffragette city by culture club also

39. How long have you had this blog for? uuh i remade very recently

40. What are you excited for? goin home for the summer. also rocketman and spiderman far from home. also!!! i might be going to the rocketman red carpet so

41. Are you a better talker or listener? listener. i dont really like talking about deep stuff

42. What is the last productive thing you did? did some uni work today. actually, did a lot of uni work today

43. What do you want for christmas? go to budapest with my mom weve been planning that

44. What class do you get the best grades in? my best subject in high school was english and in college it was probably psychology

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? idk 5/6

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

dude i dont even know what ill be doing next year after my ba course ok

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i dont think i really had one. when i broke up w my gf, its been shit for a while and i just accepted that it wasnt gonna work so it didnt really like hurt

48. What age do you want to get married? marriage is overrated and expensive next

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a vet also but so much med school. ew.

50. What do you crave right now? to dye my hair bc im stressed insert this is fine meme

i also tag @hamkis also @crownedbabes also @funkysapphic, @milmercurios, @freddie-jupiter, @piscesyub, @cactustattoo, @tonyrights

#anyone else can do this to just say i tagged u!#and those i tagged u dont gotta do it #eli.txt #tag game #long post

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