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#and they cant help me unless i tell them but i am unable to tell them. i have tried notes it Does Not work.
confused-alpaca · 1 year
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oh boy i ought to try and see a physiotherapist again
#alpaca.txt#i got discharged months ago from the last one bc i was no longer in pain all the time#idk if they can actually help anymore bc ill just be told to rest and use it less and#im doing the minimum! that i can do! but like! i have to fill my time with something#and literally everything requires use of hands#and i have to draw sometimes. i cant not do it. i have to make things i will explode if i cant#i hate seeing doctors i cannot describe my pain i cannot remember the pain ive had i cannot make notes on it#and they cant help me unless i tell them but i am unable to tell them. i have tried notes it Does Not work.#there are so many things wrong with me worsened bc i got megadepressed and did nothing at all for a couple years#urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh#in othernews ive been watching steven universe and its been. an experience#its interesting. watching something where you found out the ending years ago bc u didnt care then#and seeing how they get from the start to what u know is coming. get to see all the foreshadowing on the first watch#i finished it and i really want to draw some of it but. the ouch is here i cant.#i say finished i havent watched future but i dont think i want to. change your mind felt like enough of an ending for me#i feel like seeing more will take away from it. i saw stuff about it when it came out and i think itd be good.#but i dont know. im not really interested in it. its not the same#idk#its like with stranger things. s4 of that is probly really good but the end of s3 felt like it was The End of the story. its done. over#a complete story it doesnt need more
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satoru-is-the-way · 1 year
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Avatar Quaritch x Navi Reader
Given Enough
Master list (for Given Enough)
Tag List: @the-wanderer-2022 @zootsutra @anyzandy   @kneelingforvillains @dioriez @mylovelyreblogs @dinobae-replyacc @voodoogoul @freshmoneyalmondathlete @thedumboneforsomereason @world-dominating-kitty @scarletpines @sofiebstar @vampire-hunter @cypherpt5fttaehyung @strangerdeeznuts @simpingfor-wakasa @tranquiiit @ellieparker @girlblogger2002 @happycupcakeenthusiast @willow-sages
Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 - Always The Fool
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(Y/n) turned around lunging at Quaritch with hurt in her eyes. “HOW COULD YOU!” The Navi screamed hitting his chest with all her strength. Quaritch grips onto her wrists bringing the sobbing female into his chest. “I HATE YOU!” (Y/n) shoved him away. It wounded his heart as she said this.
“I know you don’t hate me. You can’t hate me. Please just listen to me.”
“How did you get my father's blade?” She backed away shaking her head. 
“I tried to save him (Y/n) but when the missile hit the bison…The shots fired into the water…I am so sorry. I could only get you out and by that time…he was gone.”
“What about my brother? Did you kill him too?!” She growled.
“No…He is alive, took Jake Sully along with the rest of the sully family and left. Baby, they need you to tell them where they could be. Or else they said…They would destroy the clan.”
“The only way they could successfully get into our territory is if I or another Kamimaljuyú show them…Unless you are going to show them.” She hissed. He bowed his head unable to look at her thoroughly. 
“You are pathetic, a coward, and I hate you! So tell me your big plan, Rick. You are a lying snake. Eywa should have let me kill you!”
Before he could respond the doors opened. General Ardome walks in with a recon squad behind her. (Y/n) quickly snatched her father's knife from Quaritches belt hissing. “You are taking too damn long Colonel. Do you want to know his mission, Princess? He up with it  all on his own.” Ardome grins. “He planned to play pretend. Learn your ways and secrets. Convince you to mate with him because by your laws he is now the Olo’eyktan. The bison was a nice touch Rick. I have to hand it to you. Convincing the stupid animal to fall perfectly into our trap.” She laughed. (Y/n) looked down, heart beating fast. She felt dizzy, the world spinning around her. Her spirit finally broke. Rick never loved her, had Áramà murdered, started a war, now her father is dead, and her brother is on the run with Jake Sully…She had nothing left. Trapped in a human facility thousands of miles from her home. The Kamimaljuyú now leaderless. (Y/n) fell to her knees dropping the knife. She hates herself more than Quaritch…Because despite all this she loved him. Always the fool. 
“Get her. If she wont talk then lets show her the consequences.” The general orders. One of the recon avatars yanks her up by the hair. She yelped in pain. Rick shoved him against the wall.
“Don’t you fucking touch her!” He growled. “I will get her.” He responded turning to (Y/n).
“Ma' k'a'abéet a áantaj.” (I don't need your help). 
“Je'el a beetik, k táan in jo'osike'ex waye'.” (Yes, you do. I am getting us out of here.)
“Ma' u páajtal k p'atik le paalalo'obo'.” (We cant leave the kids.” She pulled back from him. 
“General we should bring the children.” He said making her turn around. “It will teach them a lesson to never go against humans. Show these natives their place.” The words out of his mouth are bitter. This is the old Colonel speaking, not who he has become now. She nods and the recons grab the children dragging them along. 
"Yaan in wuk'ik le ti' le izquierda. Wuk'ik le ti' le derecha.Túun t'u'uchpachtik in, k jóok'ol waye'" (I will take the ones on the left.  You take the ones on the right. Then follow me we are getting out of here.) Quatitch said. 
(Y/n) nods and once he tossed her the knife she disarmed the two on the right holding the two daughters. Quaritch killed the remaining two leaving just the General. Adrome gasped and turned around unable to draw her gun in time as (Y/n) slammed her against the wall. The human female looked at Quaritch. "How could you betray us?! Your own kind!"
"I didn't betray you, I betrayed them! They are my people. Not you…not anymore. Now I will do everything to restore trust."
"What are you going to do with me?" 
(Y/n) looked into her eyes, chuckling. "Kill you of course." 
_Time Skip_ 
They managed to escape the building and run back into the wilderness. (Y/n) took a deep breath. Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tsireya breathe heavily looking at Quaritch and (Y/n). 
"YOU!" Lo'ak yelled and lunged at Rick. (Y/n) growled and held the young male back.
"ENOUGH! Listen to me well children. Right now we are going to have to be a team. I know Rick has done a lot to hurt us but …I want to believe he is good Ewya has a different path for everyone to find the way. To see her and the truth." (Y/n) whispered, Quaritch reached for her hand but she pulled away. 
"(Y/n) is right. Dad is stuck with Balam. But where would they be?" Kiri asked. 
"I know." (Y/n) whispered. 
"Where is that? I am unsure of where my people are, my parents." Tsireya whispered, holding onto Lo'ak. 
"The last I saw, your mother and Neytiri flew after us but the Ikran had been shot down." Quaritch frowns.
"There is no need to worry.  I know where they are we just have to get there first." 
“Our home is not far from here, We can get an Ikran and ride,” Lo’ak suggested.
“Fine but we must hurry so the humans do not catch up.” (Y/n) replied. 
The group ran into the forest following the Omaticaya children. Her eyes trained on Quartich. They made the journey into the woods to locate their old home. It was a new experience for (Y/n). She only wished for it to be under different circumstances. It did not take them long to be welcomed in and given the proper medical treatment. 
“So you really are not him?” Norm asked, looking over Avatar Quaritch. 
“Not the man you knew. I am different. My human form is gone. I remember nothing… I won’t let him define who I am.” He responds looking to (Y/n) who walks back with a new Ikran. 
“Well, the last you was an asshole.”
“He can still be at times.” (Y/n) adds wrapping her arms around Quaritch. “Come we must go. The forest clan supplied us with weapons and food for the next few days. Thanks for your help, Norm. I wish we had met for other reasons. But my people will repay you all for this kindness.” (Y/n) bows her head. Norm nods before glancing at Rick leaving them. 
“Let’s ride,” Kiri said.
The trip is long and difficult. Through the forest, over the ocean, and the weather is not kind to anyone. It felt never ending but she felt some comfort with Rick wrapped around her. However the pain is still deep inside of her.
“We can never tell the people.” (Y/n) said once they entered the Kamimaljuyú territory. He looked surprised by her words. “No one but the Royal families heard. I will ask we keep it that way. Come we must keep moving.” 
“But as Olo’eyktan I must tell them.” He whispered. She sighed deeply.
“We are almost there.” (Y/n) whispered. 
NEXT CHAPSTER
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rainecloud020604 · 1 year
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@doomed-bythe-narrative some silver propaganda and a proper essay about my favorite guy ever
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first of all, I am the one and only submitter of silver and you should just vote for him <33 just for getting in
Second! everything that is going to be below this cut. a brief summary of what this contains; the plot of sonic 06 (i know i know) Silver is so doomed you have to believe me he was manipulated so hard using his ultimate goal against him and his big heart and the only time he is in the plot is because his world in the future is in danger and heavy turmoil and whatever friends hes made in Sonics time he cant even see at will unless something bad is happening and it needs to be fixed!!! No I wont be talking about the comics because i havent read them n i think this game is enough to explain how doomed he is
we are absolutely talking about Sonic 06 because as much as it is the worst game ever it is silvers first appearance! Silver's first scene he mentions finally finding the iblis trigger, which Sonic is ,supposedly, who he is after to kill and destroy iblis in his timeline 200 years in the future, Sonic is obviously not the iblis trigger but Silver is being manipulated into believing such by Meplilis. When Mephilis first met Silver and Blaze he talls them to stop The Burning Flames he must kill The iblis trigger; Sonic. Which then he takes both Blaze and Silver to present time and separates them from one another and Silver is on his own to hunt down Sonic, but when he spots sonic Amy hugs him and mistakes him for Sonic! and they quickly become friends and Amy promises to help Silver find who he is looking for, though when it is revealed to be Sonic she gets upset that hed think Sonic would destroy the future and leaves Silver :(
Later he reunites with Blaze as he asks her if this is right if he should be doing this to save their future and being met with this;
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CAN YOU IMAGINE YOUR BEST FRIEND TELLING YOU THAT???? "I'm not really sure if this is okay but we have to try and kill this guy" GUYS YOU ARE 14 PLEASE STOP TAKING THIS MUCH RESPONSIBILITY,,
So obviously Silver is still convinced this is all fine and he is doing the right thing and is still convinced he needs to kill sonic to save the future! He then is told by Mephilis that he needs to head to this location because sonic is there, which he proceeds to almost kill Sonic before he is saved by Shadow. Silver mistakes Shadow for Mephilis and Shadow corrects him before they fight themselves which Shadow just stops time to get the underhand on Silver and then they use chaos control to go 10 years into the past to witness how Mephilis and Iblis was released and get some answers.
As Shadow seals the original Mephilis, Silver finds out how to defeat Iblis!! They have to seal it inside someones soul and make the person a vessel. And also he realizes hes being tricked and manipulated in this whole thing and tada !!! he's a pawn right now. When they get back to the present Silver tells Blaze about what he now knows and about his change of heart, before they set off to try and save Elise. which in short well they see eggmans ship explode and her die so they have to go back into the past to save her and then Sonic gives Silver the chaos emerald to go in the future and save his time. Which he and Blaze both do, though silver is unable to use himself as a vessel as he finds out trying to do so..Which results in Blaze being the ultimate sacrifice sealing herself and Iblis to save silver and their world, this OBVIOUSLY upsets Silver he just lost his best friend someone close to him and light returns to his world as he is stuck there wondering if it was worth it and why it couldnt have been him!!!
This isnt over yet though, nono of course not, Silver is brought back to present time by this warp from Mephilis combining with Iblis to become Solaris, also sonic is dead in Elise's arms and as they are trying to figure out how to stop the world from ending the idea Silver had to defeat Solaris is shot down by Shadow because well our main hero Sonic is dead. Though he is revived with the chaos emeralds and.... kissed by elise and turns into his super sonic form. Super Sonic uses his ability to have Shadow and Silver enter their super states as well which they then use to fight and defeat Solaris by destroying its consciousness, streams of light burst from it and suddenly the world is back to normal and all that is left of it is a tiny flame; the flame of hope which in order to kill it she has to extinguish the flame but also this means Solaris would never exist. Though she has to in order for the world to be saved.
SO TAKE ALLLL OF THAT AND THROW IT IN THE TRASH CAUSE THE GAME ENDS WITH THE PLOT DIDNT HAPPEN BECAUSE SOLARIS WAS DEFEATED. NO ONE REMEMBERS THIS, THE BONDING AND DYNAMICS?? GONE. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT???? Imagine the game you are introduced and you have all of this cool stuff and oh no you lost your best friend but now you dont remeber your NEW FRIENDS OR LOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND BECAUSE YOU DONT GET TO MEET HER??? Silver loses a lot through this, he doesnt even get the little sympathy of remembering Blaze, their dynamic is destroyed along with the other bonds he had formed and he was dragged into this because his world was in shambles and he wanted people to be happy and now a good part of his memories are gone!!!!!
He only gets to appear when his world is in trouble and he has work to do he only has to fix things and he is almost by himself in this because well he and blaze are the only ones coming back in time to fix whatever is wrong to make the future okay and it just repeats over and over and over there is no end!!! He is doomed to have no happy ending otherwise he wouldnt be there!!!! They wouldn't have him show up because well he cant time travel at will and he cant just drop on by whenever he feels like it because the universe and the narrative said no!!! your world has to be FUCKED!!!! or else you can just get comfy there and chill out because you arent going anywhere <3
Please vote for my boy <33 He deserves so much and Sega gives him so little other than a middle finger </3
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lil vent bc i am PISSED THE FUCK OFF
basically, my comp sci teacher is an ableist dick who doesn’t understand why i cant read the board from the BACK OF THE ROOM.
for context: i have astigmatism, near sightedness (more intensely so in my right eye. i literally cannot see out of it), and my eyes are slightly cross eyed. i dont wear my glasses because the arms hurt my ears. i dont wear contacts because my optometrist said i only need them in one eye and it rlly doesnt help at all. the quality of my vision fluctuates a lot and there are days where i can’t read anything unless its right in front of my face. yesterday was one of those days. im also sat it the very back of my computer science class.
now for what happened:
yesterday, i was sitting in my spot, unable to read the board and mr. r (my comp sci teacher) had put up the instructions for our assignment, which we were meant to do independently. i couldnt read the instructions (obviously) so i turned to the person next to me and i asked him to read me the instructions (he knows why i couldnt read it). so he starts explaining to me, and mr r comes over and hes like “reese and [classmates name], why are you chit chatting instead of working?” and i start to explain that i cant read the board because of my vision and he goes “you could read the board just fine yesterday, why cant you today?” so i start to explain that my vision fluctuates and i can see better on somedays than others and this motherfucker has the GALL to say “thats not how it works, you’re lying.” LIKE WHAT? THEY’RE MY EYES NOT YOURS DICKHEAD. so instead of yelling at him like i want to, i try to calmly explain that thats how my eyes work and he keeps telling me that it isnt how it works and i keep telling him it is. we keep going back and forth for like 5 minutes before he writes me up and sends me to the principals office for “insubordination”. anyways the principal said i had to try harder to make sure i can succeed in my classes so basically im fucking doomed 🥳
ps: if you’re wondering why the motherfucker couldn’t just EXPLAIN the instructions to the class, he has this whole fuckin thing about not explaining things FOR us, AKA not teaching
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acidmatze · 1 year
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Its funny (not literally but you know what i mean) that "xyz struggles with talking and mostly doesnt talk at all UNLESS its about xyz's special interest then xyz speaks very fluently and well and doesnt shut up" is a very common thing in autistic people. But for me its exactly the other way around. And i havent met another autistic person like that. As of now i feel like im the only ND person who CANT talk about heir special interest.
I just.. cant. I want to. I would LOVE to. Im always like "Oh god please talk to me about Trigun!!!!" yet im dreading that someone might actualy Do because I dont know what to say. Its not that i dont have opinions and thoughts its... i just cannot put them into... Understandable Words. There is just So Much going on whenever i think about my special interests that it becomes too overwhelming for me to translate my thoughts into anything that could be communicated in some understandable way. I wish telepathy was real so i could just beam my thoughts into someone else's head but i dont even think that would work unless they Think Like Me. Also the onslaught of information they get will probably be too overwhelming. So i desperately WANT to talk about my special interests (please talk to me about Trigun but understand that i wont be able to answer in any satisfactory way) but i CANT. I cannot communicate my thoughts in any form that can be understood by humans that are not me. If thoughts are like files on a computer my thoughts dont come in neat categories they come as a zip file you gotta unpack first and then get the entire thing at once. Well.. I dont need to unpack them cuz i know whats inside. But if i wanna communicate them i have to unzip that package and then go through every single file one by one and pick out the relevant parts. Only the relevant parts. What is important and what is not? Who knows, not me, im already despairing. So i usually just give up and dont say anything which is kinda not helping with the whole Conversation thing. Which is also why i dont do meta posts or anything... relevant. I cant give you a single coherent sentence about Trigun how am i supposed to write meta? The best i can do is like... dig out panels and point at them and yell. Maybe when a miracle happens i could get single words out that wont form any sentences whatsoever and you would have to puzzle them together. Have fun.
Fun fact! Sometimes this doesnt just happen with my special interest but with any random thing. Today i was unable to tell my Boss why i have to sit down more often than others. Has nothing to do with my special interests. Still wasnt able to start the damn sentence. Talking to me is probably a chore no one does gladly. Honestly i wish i could just... find someone whos willing to communicate with me even when i just give sentence fragments or just words and they are willing to piece them together. But lmao. As if. Even if someone WOULD say they would be willing they probably would try to talk to me once and if i actually Do Talk Like That they would go "Yeah nah this was a dumb idea lets never talk to this guy again."
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manic-kagura · 2 years
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alright so some shit in my life has happened and im just reaching breaking point after breaking point and this post + its possible following reblogs exist to help me vent
general tw, but specific to domestic abuse, narcissistic abuse, and anything that can occur within those two categories (im exhausted i cant think of all the issues that may pop up)
theyll all be under readmores
so for context: my dad has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder - while it may be undiagnosed by technicality, i consider this to be his state of being because, like narcs do, he refuses to get help, because THAT would mean something is WRONG WITH HIM!
I’m 27 years old - I didn’t get out of that emotionally abusive household until i was 25, and even then I was unable to fully escape it. in late february of 2020 my dad crossed a line that just...lit the lightbulb in my head and i chose to go live with my current boyfriend, who i had known for about a month and been dating for maybe 2 weeks at the time. it’s been 2 years since i left, and after a long time of slowly getting things in my control (finances, my dog, my car, my bank account, etc) i was finally able to start going low contact 10 months ago. unfortnately, this also meant i couldn’t call my mom because he would turn the volume on the tv down so he could hear me talking to her over the phone. i didnt want to risk her safety further, so we just...dont call each other unless shes in the car.
this specific post is not for me to go into details on the bullshit i endured (i may do that elsewhere another time with heavy tw) - this post is specific to a rather recent set of events and how this has, today, crumbled into causing me a downward spiral.
my dad has threatened my mom with divorce A LOT over the past 2 years - it started getting really aggressive when i caught covid and she was asking him to back off because (SURPRISE) his meddling was making my symptoms worse (and i didnt even live with them...controlling ass freak). so anytime she vaguely annoyed him, he’d threaten it. my mom is very very Christian (unfortunately), and from South Africa - the idea of divorce is terrifying to her on so many levels, and no matter how many times ive tried to get her to leave she always had an excuse.
well, one day he made the threat, and she said “bring the papers and i’ll sign them.”
the threats calmed down. I don’t know when they started getting aggressive again, but in May of this year (2022), he finally decided he’d bring them. he told my mom she had time to look for living arrangements, and when she did he’d start finalizing divorce shit. when i learned this i blocked him everywhere i could manage - no phone calls, no texts. saving face has no purpose anymore when theres nothing to salvage.
my mom has been working her ass off for like 4 years - my dad lost his job, and with it any financial stability we may have had (all the Amazon boxes stacked around the house every day would make you think otherwise though). i learned my mom had NO ACCESS to her income. it went to a joint account that she was unable to get into.
well with this actual divorce going on and her job working her to death (like she goes in at 7 am and leaves at 12 am - fuck publix), she has had literally no way of packing shit up to start getting ready to leave. she has not opened a new bank account for her income. she hasnt found a lawyer. despite me telling her id help her with these things, shes declined and ive backed off.
until today.
on a whim i decided to check my old email (a rarity in the past 2+ years honestly). i noticed some emails in there that were sent as a text, from a phone, which was something i had seen before (my dad had done this somehow by accident before in 2019, but it was always in a text chain that included me).
this one did not include me. i dont know how im receivng these. but its a text chain between him and some woman that i do not know - number and name dont ring any bells, she isnt in our family, shes not a friend ive ever heard him speak of.
he was asking her about “tourism visas” for someone coming from the Phillipines.
its not for work. not only does he not even do shit in the line of work in which hed be talking to people in other countries now, but TOURISM VISAS arent for work.
a good friend of mine from high school has a shitty dad too. we laugh at how fucking similar they are. turns out, her dads had shit like this too! fucking mail order brides!!!
i start sending my mom screenshots. im frantically texting her to contact me. she hadnt contacted me in about a week so in a fit of fear i decide to call her, which is something ive done my best not to do, at all, ever.
i asked her “can you talk? are you alone? can we speak in private?” she said she was at home, to call back in 10 minutes. i told her ok, but she needs to check her texts.
we start texting. she says my dad was asking why i called, what it was about, what i was gonna text her about. she said she didnt know (which is only half a lie tbh).
his response was “when you get home tomorrow, we need to finalize things.”
i ripped him apart in my texts. i told her she needs to get her finances together ASAP. no more waiting. he didnt give a singel solitary shit about her or our fucking family, hes trying to fuck her over. hes hurt us enough. i told her i had screenshotted all of the messages, i told her to ask for a small vacation from work to get her shit together and out, i told her to stay with a friend when my boyfriend and i couldnt be with her to pack.
shes finally decided to get a lawyer. she said to keep everything on hand. shes finally seeing the fucking lightbulb.
im hoping in the next week she’ll be having more days off to deal with this shit. my only high points within this situation today were to see her finally turn around and the mere fucking thought that i made my life long abuser shit himself, all because i said “i need to talk to you in private” to my poor fucking mother.
i hope this fucker burns in whatever hells exist. i hope he burns in every single torturous afterlife and his soul never rests. but most of all i hope he realizes he will leave this fucking world cold and alone, just like he raised and left us.
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yourladyindank · 2 years
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i do think that person has a point. yes i believe in forgiveness and change but maybe if you were so fatphobic you felt like a joke abt fat persons suicide due to bullying was hilarious 6 years ago u should take a pause when it comes to lecturing others specifically about what isnt fatphobia. talking about fatphobia is great and i hope you do more of it, but maybe talking about hypothetical fat people who exaggerate fatphobia and expect the world to revolve around them is something you should leave back in r/fatpeoplehate. especially if you urself dont experience weight based discrimination or experience comparatively less than someone who would be of the weight where they are denied surgeries and cant find clothing. im not gonna demand you share that information with the class, but maybe just be considerate about whether or not u are in a position to speak as an authority here
It was one post, I’m not a Redditor
6 years is an entire first grader
I absolutely have been discriminated on based on my weight, but in less socially harmful ways. I’ll be able to get a job fine, as long as it’s not a “strong” industry. I’ll be able to socialize fine, unless I remind someone of their eating disorder. I knew the word anorexic before I knew what it meant. My mom called me it all my life. I thought it was a compliment until 7th grade health class
I have been denied medical help, being told I just need to gain weight even when I tell them I can’t. I have absolutely been unable to find my size. The average are catered to, and I am not that. I still can’t. Bras must be made specially for me and they can run be anywhere from 80-150.
I thought it was a divine punishment for being such a bad child, just as I thought fat people got the same thing. Luckily I left that cult.
I should not have had to share any of this. If I changed and my new viewpoint is correct, that is enough. Forcing people through oppression olympics to show they’re suffered enough to be “clean” is fuckin weird and Christian culty.
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
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Caught Red-handed
Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)
Warnings: Swearing, Struggling with migraines 
Genre: Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: Having suffered from migraines all their life, Y/N knows better than to give them much attention or let them hinder their work too much. However, their boyfriend is a lot more worried than they are and has taken it as his personal duty to ease their pain as much as he possibly can. 
Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to get to it, write and post it, but here it finally is and I hope you come across it and read it! I’ve never experienced migraines nor have I known someone who has so if I’ve misrepresented or written any misinformation, anyone who catches it, feel free to let me know either in the comments or in my inbox/messages! Love, Vy ❤
The first time I got a headache was in the middle of math class in eighth grade. I remember it so distinctly because I had never before experienced such sudden and such intense pain. I got to go home early that day and spent a good portion of the day trying to sleep it off but to no avail.
Since then I’ve grown used to having to deal with a pain so strong it renders me unable to function for a whole day about two times a month. Sometimes, I even try to be stubborn with it - I try to push through as much work as I can despite the migraine, but that never works out for a long time considering it ends up crippling me in the end. That’s never kept me from trying over and over again though!
Now, to contrast my nonchalance and even annoyance with these pesky attacks, is my boyfriend Corpse’s concern over them. I’ve tried explaining to him that I’ve grown used to them and that I try not to let them bother me and that he shouldn’t stress over them so much but I may as well be talking to a wall because all he has to do is see me squint my eyes or cringe and he enters concerned-mother mode. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it to no end, I just don’t want him worrying over something so small. Also, a minor convenience: if the migraine doesn’t hinder me from tending to my tasks, Corpse will. He’ll make sure I’m off the task I’m working and transported into bed in an instant.
That’s why I’m now clenching my jaw, struggling to maintain a poker face as I work on an important project I have to send to my boss by the start of next week. I’ve got plenty of time, but I like to stay on top of my work so it doesn��t pile on top of me, you know what I’m saying. Corpse is sitting on the couch next to me, casually glancing at me every now and then while remaining quiet as to not disturb me. So far so good, he hasn’t noticed anything and, if I didn’t know any better I would sigh in relief. There’s nothing to trigger the pain to arise any further - the lights are dim, I’m staying hydrated, and I downed two painkillers in the bathroom about an hour and a half ago - so I’m sure I’ll be in the clear at least until dinner.
“Wanna watch a movie when you’re done?“ Corpse asks, “Unless you’re tired or anything...“
I flash him a grateful smile, giving his knee a squeeze of reassurance, “I’d love to, babe. But I can’t promise that I won’t fall asleep.”
He chuckles, “Yeah, I know you’ve got a tendency of doing that.” Giving me a side-glance he adds, “It’s cute.”
I roll my eyes, already sensing a blush creeping up on my cheeks and neck which I hide by turning to face my laptop screen. One thing I can’t hide though is the wide grin that’s spread across my face as I mutter: “Shut up.”
Just then, a particularly sharp jolt of pain courses through my head, testing that ability to maintain a resting face. Thankfully, Corpse is turned in the opposite direction, searching for his phone, so I allow myself a brief cringe at the discomfort. 
Guess the painkillers are dying down on me, I think to myself, a second away from sighing exasperatedly at the thought that I have to down two more. It was wishful of me to think I could enjoy the luxury of a dull ache until dinner, now the migraine is straight up mocking me.
I quietly stand up from the couch and make my way to the bathroom so I can take another dose of aspirin because I don’t think I’ll be able to focus on my work for very long if it keeps hitting me with this intensity. Opening the door to the small cabinet above the sink, I automatically reach out for the bottle of pills but stop when I see a surprise.
Directly in front of the bottle stands a note written in, you guessed it, Corpse’s handwriting.
‘Already losing effect, huh? When are you thinking of coming clean?‘
Well shoot, am I that transparent?
I sheepishly exit the bathroom, walking back into the living room where Corpse greets me with the same stance as a parent greeting their kid who’s gotten home past curfew: legs crossed, arms folded over his chest, one eyebrow raised, the whole nine yards.
“Yeah, they’re already losing effect.“ I admit, a small apologetic smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, my cheeks burning with an embarrassed blush. “And I wasn’t gonna tell you at all.” I hurry to add: “Please don’t be mad though.“
Corpse shifts slightly, his gaze giving me a onceover as he contemplates how to pursue the case. I’ve already got several arguments/defenses ready - the perks of working for a lawyer - but I know he’ll dismiss all of them no matter how strong they might come off as in court. Bottom line: even statements that would fly in court can’t fly with Corpse sometimes. Especially when my health and well-being are the topic of observation.
“What have we said about lying?“ He finally asks, causing me to cringe and ball my fists in guilt.
However, I still have my arguments ready: “You never asked me so I never technically lied.” One might say I have quite the audacity to plead not guilty right now, even though I’ve been caught red-handed, but what can I say, I’m stubborn in nature. And Corpse knows this, he’s just testing me for his own amusement.
“Poor excuse, Y/N.“ He says with disapproval, shaking his head and fully embracing his disappointed parent persona. “You’re lucky I’m feeling generous today. So, as punishment for hiding the truth from me, you are to ditch that project you’ve been bugging yourself over and come cuddle and watch a movie with me. Bonus points for you if you fall asleep.“
I needn’t be told twice - not only will it wipe that look off his features but it’ll also get earn me a movie night with the additional benefit of cuddling with my boyfriend? - how could I refuse?
I can’t help it, I just gotta push my luck here and poke the bear with a stick, “If the punishments are so sweet I might start being dishonest more often.“
Corpse rolls his eyes, scooting on the couch and tapping the space he’s freed up for me, “I said I was feeling generous, don’t bet on it happening often though.”
Alright, enough luck-pushing, I should be grateful for this generosity instead. I should be using it to the max.
So, what’s stopping you from doing just that?
Good question, brain, good question.
Head still pounding just not as intensely, I slip under the thin soft comforter to find myself not only wrapped in it but also in Corpse’s arm, his warm embrace bringing me instant comfort, walking me on the tight-rope of falling asleep right away.
“Sneaky bastard.“ I attempt to mutter, yawning halfway through. 
I feel his lips on the top of my head, placing a quick and gentle kiss in my hair before he says, “You’re welcome, babe.”
Count your lucky stars, Y/N. You’ve got one of the good ones.
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stagefoureddiediaz · 2 years
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I'm curious whether buck is gonna continue with the "pack it away and move on" attitude(shocked me when he said that cause buck doesn't do that until recently). He told eddie that what they do what they both thought a kid and new born sister had died. Or he's gonna be confronted with something a call(maybe the girl falling unless they get airbag to catch her)where he can't do that he cant pack away his emotions like that. He has to deal with them.
Hey Nonnie
I too am curious about this - my feeling is that it’s actually going to continue until Tay Kay is gone from his life - it all feels very intertwined to me - Buck has basically been heading into a full blown emotional shutdown since the shooting and the relationship he’s found himself in is not providing him with the emotional support he needs. In fact, if anything it’s actively preventing him from getting it, because she is not equipped to, and she’s seemingly unwilling to put in the effort to understand buck and what he needs emotionally - she took advantage of his vunerable state remember (and that’s not babying Buck - it’s just fact - if she truly cared about him, she wouldn’t have made a move at that moment and it’s a hill I’m willing to die on) we’ve seen this in action in 5x05, so until she exits stage right (pursued by bear - sorry couldn’t resist the temptation of a Shakespeare joke!) Buck is going to be unable to actively start to deal with his trauma. following Eddie’s lead in defend in place by telling him to pack it away and move on is such an interesting moment - because in my opinion it actually shows how much Buck understands Eddie- we’ve already seen this season Buck knows when to push Eddie and when to follow his lead and I think Buck recognised that in that moment Eddie needed that ‘military’ attitude - because I think Buck intended to push him to unpack later on - when the ‘danger’ had passed - he’s probably done a deep dive of research on panic attacks and how to help someone deal with them and his knowledge of what will work for Eddie in that moment meant he used that line. The problem is that the unpacking isn’t happening because of the current disconnect so something being the trigger that forces Buck (once Tay is gone) is going to be a fascinating moment - I’m already salivating over the analysis the fandom is going to be doing!
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Hi, it’s me, riling up anon (I really should get a tumblr account to ease my introductions and so we can become besties). Obviously, LOVE part 4! Part 5 ideas- Lucien repays the favor (obvs). He wakes up wondering how he is going to get Elain alone in the house when a gift falls into his lap - a rogue Illyrian war band is attempting to gain new territory. Exit the IC, enter elucien smut in the garden.
First of all, I would love to be besties.
Second of all, no rest for the wicked am I right? Like yesterday this is NSFW, 18+, practically unedited and obviously guarantees a part 6. It's also the longest part I've written so far. PART 5!
Elain woke with some regrets. The throb between her legs was at an all-time high and with so many people around, there was little she could do but put on a breezy, cotton gown, her wide-brimmed sun hat, and vanish into the garden where at least no one would be able to smell what was going on with her. Elain kept her thighs pressed together, hoping some of the friction would help alleviate the burn.
It didn’t, and by the time the sun was high in the sky, Elain was weeding with a grim brutality. Had Lucien left? She wanted to tug on the bond and see where he was but she didn’t want to bring him anywhere near her. Her control was too tenuous as it was. She might jump him in front of her sisters and then what? How would she possibly explain what was going on between them? She barely knew herself. None of it was ladylike…and perhaps some small part of her liked having something that was just for her. No one could offer an opinion or butt in if they didn’t know.
“Elain?” Feyre’s voice wafted from the garden wall. A moment later her youngest sister appeared in her Illyrian leathers. Elain stood, dusting off her dirty hands. “Hey…it’s nothing to worry about and not a big deal, but there was a disturbance with the Illyrian’s. One of the chiefs slaughtered a village and is attempting to take more territory. Rhys and I are going up to handle it, and I know Cassian and Nesta plan to join with the Valkyries….you’ll be alone in the house.”
Elain shrugged. “That’s fine,” she agreed, wiping sweat with the back of her arm.
Feyre bit her bottom lip, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “Mostly alone…”
Elain narrowed her eyes. “What does that mean?”
Lucien will be in the house too…not all day! But…for a while. He’s working on a treaty for Rhys and should stay in the study. He’ll leave you alone but…just in case you wanted to go out…”
Right. Elain offered Feyre a tight smile, her heart pounding in her chest. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about me.”
Feyre’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “If we can’t make it back tonight I’ll send word.”
“Be safe.”
Feyre vanished, leaving Elain alone in the garden. She stood there, wondering if she ought to find him in the study and demand…demand what, exactly? It wasn’t like she was well-practiced. As she stood there, contemplating how to get what she wanted without having to just blurt it out, a hand brushed the hair from the back of her neck. Warm breath tickled her skin and when Elain spun, already aware of who was just behind her, Lucien caught her easily. He was smiling, his one russet eye dark and hungry as he gazed down at her.
“I’ve promised your sister not to bother you unless you ask,” he told her, his deep voice a shade darker than it typically was. “May I bother you, Lady Elain?”
“That depends,” she replied primly, unable to take her eyes off his lips. “On what kind of bothering you plan to do.”
A grin began to stretch across Lucien’s face, giving him a near feral appearance. “I owe you for last night.”
She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear nervously. “Of course you don’t.” Lucien’s body was pressed against her own as he reached for her face, tilting it towards him. “Wrong, Elain. Tell me…can I bother you?”
“Bother me how?” She whispered, the words nearly sticking to the back of her throat.
“With my mouth, ideally,” he murmured, ghosting his lips across her own. “But I’m happy with just my hands.”
“Why not both?” She asked without thinking. She felt him smile against her skin.
“I like the way you think,” he practically purred before kissing her gently, out in the open where anyone could see. There was nothing to hide them; the garden wall would hardly come up to his hip were he standing right beside it, and though there were some lovely trees scattered about, none were broad enough to obscure what was happening between them.
Elain felt a thrill run up her spine at the thought of being so open with him. It was her that deepened the kiss, running her tongue along his lips until he opened for her. She surged upwards on her tiptoes, arms wrapped around his neck so she could revel in the way he tasted. No one had the right to smell half as good as Lucien did, like crisp Autumn air and sun washed apples, but for however good he smelled, he tasted ten times better.
She was half-drunk on the moment, lost in the feel of his hands running the length of her spine. It was so sweet, so unhurried that some small part of her wanted to revel in it. Lucien, though, had decidedly different ideas regarding what he hoped to do. Some of the sweetness shattered when his hand cupped her breast through the thin, white material of her dress while his other began rouching up the fabric.
She broke the kiss with a gasp. “Out here?” She asked. He chuckled, teasing her nipple almost absently as he gazed down at her.
“You have somewhere better in mind?”
She opened her mouth to protest, to say yes, very much so, but the look on his face stopped her. She glanced at the soft grass just beneath her feet and, before she could talk herself out of it, promptly sat down at his feet. Lucien stared for a moment and then laughed as if she’d told him the most hilarious joke, his tanned face reddening as he attempted to keep himself together.
“What?” She demanded as he dropped to one knee, and then the other until he was kneeling before her.
“You’re funny,” was all he said in response. No one thought she was funny…and never had. She wasn’t sure what to do with that information, so she tucked it away for later. “I never meant for you to sit in the grass, though.”
She frowned. “Oh?”
He was chuckling again as he hefted her into his lap. “I ama gentleman, you know.”
“Where should I sit, then?” She asked, genuinely curious. His lips curled upwards as he lowered himself to the ground and gestured at his face. Heat rose through her body and she balked, one hand pressed against her mouth.
“You’re obscene,” she accused, completely unaware people did such things. Lucien waited a beat and then, with strong, sure hands, merely dragged her across his chest until he had her placed exactly where he wanted.
“Tell me to stop,” he replied, his face half hidden beneath her dress, his breath hot against the fabric of her underwear. Oh, Gods,she thought, her embarrassment shifting towards anticipation. She swallowed hard and draped her gown over his face entirely, not that it was keep anyone from instantly recognizing what was going on between them.
“Off,” his muffled voice ordered, his finger hooking in the fabric of her underwear. It was awkward, shimmying them off while he attempted to keep her exactly as she was, but Elain managed it. Still nervous, she shoved them into the pocket of his pants, just in case anyone came by. They were still clothed…perhaps she’d lie and say she was injured and he was patching her up.
She gasped when she felt his fingers spread her open. Lucien hissed softly. “Pretty,” he murmured, she suspected more to himself than for her though the praise settled hot in her belly.
“What are you—”
He licked right up the center of her cunt and Elain nearly flew off his face. He brought one hand from beneath her skirt to hold her in place, dragging her even closer. Was he breathing, she wondered wildly, suddenly desperate for him to continue?
He licked a slow circle and Elain whined, grinding her hips against his face without thinking. Lucien groaned beneath her, the guttural sound spearing pleasure through her but.
“Am I frustrating you?” His muffled voice asked, his lips speaking practically into her cunt.
“Yes,” she gritted out, wishing he’d shut up.
“Do you want me to stop?” He asked, withdrawing his mouth completely.
Elain screamed softly, shoving him back into her wet folds. She heard him groan again and she wondered which he liked; the assertiveness or being that close to her body. He gave her what she was asking for, licking up the center of her, letting his tongue work over her clit in the same circular motion as before, faster, then slower, while she canted against him, urging him on.
Heat mingled with pleasure, building up, up, up and when she thought she might fall over the edge, Lucien’s tongue vanished from her clit and dipped into her entrance to fuck her with his mouth instead.
“Lucien please—” She begged. She was close, so mind-shatteringly close it had stolen her ability to think of anything else but his soft, wet mouth rubbing against her, the sweet friction almost unbearable in its pleasure.
He dragged his tongue back to his clit, his pace quickening as one finger slid into her body. Elain was lost to the sensation, unable to do anything but grind against him. Darkness crept into the edge her vision as the heat in her gut threatened to take her completely.
“Please, don’t stop, Lucien—” Her legs clamped around his head, his cunt pulsating on his finger as she screamed his name to the sky. Lucien rode her through it before sliding her down his chest just enough to sit up and kiss her roughly. His mouth tasted like her and she thought she ought to have found it disturbing or disgusting but she found the taste of her mingled in his mouth erotic.
“Lucien?!” A distant voice called. Feyre, she realized. Lucien groaned.
“We’ll continue this later,” he promised, quickly righting himself. She looked away from the bulge in his pants, still panting on the ground. Lucien vanished a moment later and she realized when she’d finally managed to climb back to her shaking legs that he’d taken her underwear with him.
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Text
leaves
this started as a hc but turned into a long thing about geralt being a huge softie.  enjoy.
___
jaskier collects leaves that he thinks are pretty during the fall and presses them in his song writing notebook so he can look at them during the winter when all the leaves are gone. and, he'd never admit this to anyone, but he knows exactly where each leaf came from, and what he and geralt were doing when he found them, so they help him stay close to geralt in the cold months when he's away at kaer morhen.
geralt doesnt understand the fascination cause “they're just leaves jaskier” and gets kinda grumpy when jaskier walks extra slow during the fall to admire and inspect the leaves. but he secretly enjoys the way that jaskiers face lights up in front of their camp fire at night as he shows geralt each leaf he collected that day and tucks them safely into the pages of his notebook. 
jaskier used to show them to roach to inspect but after she ate a particularly beautiful one on accident he does not allow her anywhere near his precious leaves.
one year jaskier and geralt part ways a little earlier than normal, geralt deciding to begin the trek to kaer morhen sooner than he normally would due to a lack of contracts so jaskier goes to oxenfurt earlier as well. the leaves are just beginning to change color as they part ways. 
a few nights into the journey geralt is making camp for himself and roach when he sees a bright red leaf sitting on the forest floor, exactly the kind of leaf that jaskier would pick up and admire and wax poetry about before tucking it into his notebook. but jaskier isn't there, and geralt feels a little pang. he glares at the leaf the entire time he's setting up camp. 
the camp fire has burned down to the embers by the time geralt is ready to lay out his bed roll, but he can still see the leaf at the corner of his vision. he sighs and gets up, knowing that it will continue to bother him unless he does something about it. he picks up the leaf, brushes off the dirt far more lightly than he would ever care to admit, and goes to tuck it in to his saddle bag in the roll of parchment he keeps on the off chance he has to write a letter. 
roach snorts at him. “shut up,” he mutters back. “its just a leaf.” roach nuzzles his arm. “no, i don't miss him. im just...bringing him a souvenir. we had to part early this year.” another snort. “yes, i know you know. but he didn't get to see the leaves this year. i don't want him to be disappointed.” roach headbuts him as if to say, you dumb witcher. geralt ignores this, but gives her some nice pats before retiring to his bedroll. 
in the next town geralt buys a random book. he doesnt know what it is, he bought the cheapest one he could find. but he's not going to read it, he just needs something to keep jaskiers leaf in so it doesnt crumble to bits before the spring. he swears roach laughs at him for that. 
throughout his trip up to kaer morhen, geralt finds himself progressively walking slower, taking time to admire the leaves as the bard had once done. 
he picks up the second leaf a week later after a battle with some drowners. he’s heading back into the town, having come across his first contract in weeks, holding the head and covered in river muck and guts when he sees a perfectly yellow leaf on the ground in front of him. he picks it up gingerly, trying his very best not to get guts on it (and he nearly succeeds). if the alderman thinks its weird, a witcher coming back with a drowner head in one hand and a yellow maple leaf in the other, he doesnt say anything. roach does tho, whinnying the second she sees it in geralts hand. he ignores her, and presses the maple leaf into the book a few pages after the brilliant red one. 
after that he adds to the collection more frequently. an reddish oak leaf he finds on the ground outside of a tavern, a brilliant orange leaf he finds at his campsite, a yellowish orange leaf the size of his face that he finds along the road and so on. roach makes fun of him every time he reaches for the book, but geralt ignores her. they're merely souvenirs for jaskier, nothing more. 
collecting leaves slows him down considerably, but he cant bring himself to care. he's even disappointed when the last of the leaves disappear and the first snow sets in. 
but that doesnt stop him from collecting things to add to his book. he gathers different small pine branches, holly leaves and other things that he knows jasper has never seen before because they grow too far north. he becomes so caught up in his hunt for interesting plants that the snow is already falling thickly by the time he reaches kaer morhe, despite him leaving for the keep so early. eskel and lambert chide him for being late, but he ignores them, happy that he managed to fill most of the book with leaves for jaskier.
that whole winter the book remains in the bottom of geralts pack, wrapped carefully in his spare shirt. he thinks about it often, but doesnt dare bring it out for fear that one of his brothers will catch him and make fun of him for being a sap. he's not a sap, he just found some leaves for his friend. 
winter drags on far too long in geralts opinion and leaves as soon as the passes are clear, antsy to get back to his friend and give him the book. but on his way down he discovers yet another beautiful thing that jaskier would love: wildflowers. roach is slightly more appreciative of this because wildflowers are things that she is allowed to eat. geralt often feeds her them to see if she approves. if she spits it out or refuses to eat it, then it doesnt make it into the book.
in the space he has left in the book he fills it with wildflowers, sometimes going out of his way to collect them. there are buttercups, dandelions, little blue ones the color of jaskiers eyes, poppies, apple blossoms, daffodils, and even a few rose petals that he buys from a stall in a market. the book is brimming with nature now. he has to be careful not to lose any of his treasures. 
finally, he arrives at his and jaskiers meeting spot. he stables roach who gives him a headbut of encouragement and he grabs the book carefully wrapped in his shirt before he makes his way to the tavern, suddenly very nervous. 
jaskiers voice is already wafting out of the tavern as he draws closer, having beat geralt to the meeting spot for once, and geralt hesitantly steps inside, knowing jaskiers eyes will be on him the second he goes in. he’s overcome with thoughts, what if jaskier hates it? what if he thinks it's dumb? what if he laughs at him? 
he enters anyway, because he's a witcher for fucks sake and he can handle his friends scrutiny. immediately he sees jaskier, sitting in the corner, working a crowd. as always, jaskiers eyes snap to him the second he steps foot in the tavern and he winks. geralt gives him the smallest nod and heads to his table in the corner after ordering an ale. he tucks the book out of sight on the bench next to him. 
minutes later jaskier barrels over, eyes bright with the life of the crowd he had been entertaining. 
“geralt!” he exclaims. “finally. i thought you stood me up, you big oaf. i never make it here before you do, i thought you may have been eaten! although im not sure by what exactly, i don't know what species has a taste for witches, dragons maybe? well never mind, youre here now and you better have a good excuse for being so late, even im starting to get bored of this town and you know how i love towns...”
geralt smiles into his ale, he missed this, but he'd never admit it. his eyes flick over to the book sitting on the seat beside him, unsure whether or not he should give it to him. 
jaskier, being the observant fucker he is, notices. “geralt what do you have on the seat there? is it a monster head? you know what happened last time you tried to hide a monster head in a tavern, i thought the town would chase us out with pitchforks they were so angry! surely you wouldn't-”
“here.” geralt mutters, cutting him off, unwilling to listen to that horrible story. 
jaskier stares at the lump of black fabric on the table. “geralt, why are you giving me your shirt? its not really my style, i’m not one for black really, makes my skin look too pale.”
“open it.” he says into his ale. 
jaskier does, and stares at the book dumbfounded. “a history book? geralt you know that i am a master of the seven liberal arts, im a professor at oxenfurt! i have all these boring books in the library, i didn't need you to get me one, although it is very thoughtful of you to- oh”
geralt, tired of hearing jaskiers babbling, flips open the book, revealing the bits of nature he had spent their time apart collecting. jasper is silent, which geralt takes as a bad sign. maybe roach was right, maybe he didn't like it, maybe he'd wasted his time for nothing. 
“cause you....you didn't get to see...the leaves this year,” he mutters, looking into the tavern, unable to see the inevitable disappointment on jaskiers face. 
“oh, geralt,” jaskier whispers. “you collected all of these for me?”
geralt doesnt say anything, but his silence is enough. 
“this is why you were late. you were collecting these, for me.”
“its okay if you don't..like them” geralt bites out. 
“oh no no no no, geralt, they're wonderful.” 
geralt looks at jaskier and sees him touching the pine branch he took form the trees outside kaer morhen, tears brimming in his eyes. “you don't hate it?”
“no, love.” jaskier smiles softly. “i adore it. and i adore you. and id love it if you tell me about all of them, please.”
for the first time in years geralt feels something like a smile tugging at his lips and he picks up the pine branch from jaskiers hand, telling him how it came from the tree outside his window, the one that he looked at everyday as a kid growing up. the same tree that lambert once dared him to climb and he nearly did before being spotted by vesemir and scolded at. jasper laughs and sniffs the pine carefully before placing the branch back in the book. 
they pour over the book for hours at their table in the tavern. geralt cant remember the last time he's talked this much, much less about himself of all things, but jaskier is more than happy to listen. 
__
if you want to be tagged in future works of mine shoot me an ask !!
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thisdreamplace · 3 years
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ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?
Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day
thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!
this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol
firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.
“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.
i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!
the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.
you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.
to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.
No One To Change But Self
There is Nothing to Forgive
How to Sit with Your Triggers
give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖
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internalsealpanic · 4 years
Text
Lesson Learned
summary: Pinning exercises are a lot easier when you ask nicely.
a/n: The backstory to this piece was that I went to the church part of our discord server and told people about me being thirsty about Slade and they collectively went: DO HIM. The reader does have a backstory which boils down to rich girl from a crime family is a little shit because I thought this would have a funny dynamic with Slade.  Special thanks to @batarella and @knightfall05x for proof reading and giving me ideas. Would this count as my one entry for kinktober? 
warnings:  This is straight up smut. Please read responsibly. Brat taming, strength kink, daddy kink, orgasm denial, and hinted size kink. (Hilariously half of these were by complete accident.) There is some injury mentioned but not too graphically. Both characters are assholes.   
masterlist
Slade was on the ground, his head was swimming even as the sharp shriek of sirens rang loud in his ears. His senses were at once too sharp and too unfocused. Whatever drug he'd been hit with had to have targeted the nerves in his muscles too. He couldn't move. Not substantially anyway. Not in a way that would actually help him.  Through the haze he hears the clicking of heels against the floor, then a sharp pain shoots through him when said heel dug into one of his still closing bullet wounds. 
 You stood above him, your shark's smile hidden behind your mask.  "Well old man, I didn't think you would be caught this easy. I might need to rethink this meeting." You hummed tapping your chin as you lean down your heel digging further into his flesh. It's a tactic your sister had taught you. People were less inclined to think clearly when in excruciating pain.  If Deathstroke was this easy to capture, was he really worth your money? 
 He was watching you, blue eyes looking defiant. You whistled low. You liked a hard negotiation. It kept things more interesting. The rapid footsteps of men drew you out of your contemplation much to your annoyance. You debated on just paying them to go away. It would make your life easier but there's a chance these men were truly loyal to the man you had just paid a visit to.
 You weigh your options. His reputation may be enough to keep your siblings away. Maybe just long enough 'til their petty little war is over. "I'm going to hire you-"
 "-this assumes I'm going to say yes"
 You snorted. He noted the confident roll in your shoulders, the kind of cocky self-assured gesture of someone who knows they're going to win.  Every movement, every angling of your form deliberately used to show a difference in power and lack of respect. In short, it made you very punchable.
 "Your statement assumes you have a choice." You chuckled tilting your head to the side in challenge. He scowled at you and you try to keep the sheer delight you feel out of your body language. You weren't sadistic by any means but for one, brutality was practically bred into you, and two, you are, what your darling eldest brother had so kindly put, a  little bitch.  "I'll tell you why you'll say yes to my proposal." You said stepping off of him and pirouetting towards your duffle bag. "One, I'm offering your more than a million dollars in cash for the simple job of training me-" You observed his face as it remains carefully impassive. You expected as much. You heft your bag into your arms and unzip it rummaging through the cache of weapons you had stored just in case plan A through F failed you. "Unless we're associated, I'm the only one walking out of here with any money for their troubles." You said tossing the severed head of his target in front of him. You gave him an all too pleased grin. 
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 You find yourself pinned down again in the span of 15 minutes, face squished against the training mat, your arms pinned behind you, and most annoyingly your ass raised while your bastard of an instructor laughs in your ear, his lips dangerously close to your ear. You hiss and bristle feeling the fibers in your muscles burn from the uncomfortable angle they've been forced into.  You squirm trying to buck him off but his strength rendered your efforts moot. His enhanced strength keeps your body firmly between the sweat-covered mat and his large, toned body which just made you bite your lip to keep anything vulgar from escaping you. 
 You were 110% sure he was fucking with you at this point but any smart remark you had was either smothered by the mat or died whenever you felt acutely aware of your skin against his.  
 "Get off of me, old man," You snarl, making a futile attempt to kick him off with one of your legs. He chuckles at your weak attempts, the reverberations from his chest pressing against your back sending a thrum of excitement rolling over you concentrating into more distracting areas. You can't see it but you know he's grinning smugly above you and you can't decide whether it's your horniness or your anger that will win out. You sincerely hope it's the latter. 
 "C'mon, kid, you can get out of this," He encourages but you don't miss the playful mockery dancing in his tone. You squirm and wriggle and sigh. "Just let me out," You demand, politely. He doesn't budge. You turn your head to pout petulantly at him. That doesn't do anything either. 
 You sigh again. You hated pinning exercises with a carefully cultivated passion which you would normally direct at whatever instructor was dumb enough to force it upon you. However, that wasn't really possible as of this moment. One of the reasons for this hatred was that you were never pinned down unless you wanted to be, even then they were usually too hesitant to follow through so you never really saw any practical use for the skill. That is until last week when you found yourself being pinned down by the Red Hood which was honestly a fantastic position if you weren't trying to get away from him. Apparently, the large man didn't take too kindly to being shot at even when your very professional self explained that you were in fact a decoy. After you were entirely unable to slip his hold, you begrudgingly agreed to let Slade teach you a few maneuvers. The other reason was that you liked being pinned down. Your body is far too enthusiastic about the feeling of being pinned down. You're pretty sure you've expended more energy into suppressing your thrilled shivers than you have trying to get out of any of the holds he's demonstrated so far.  The fact that he was an attractive asshole with no shirt did not help.    
 "Maybe if you ask nicely, princess" He drawls his teeth grazing your ear, beard bristling against the sensitive skin of your shoulder. You bite back a groan and stop the cant of your hips. "Or are you even capable of that?"
 "I am, sir" You grind out but it sounds too breathy to be threatening. You feel the curve of his lips against your shoulder.
 "Dunno, brat, I've never seen you do it," He taunts pressing closer to you. You're suddenly aware of just how close you two are. You hate how the way he called you brat sent thrills up your spine. You try to even your breath but you're entirely too feverish both body and mind. You had to think of something before you were lost in a haze.
 You nudge your arm one last time before an idea strikes. A familiar shark-like grin spreads like wildfire across your features. Pressing your ass against his crotch, you roll your hips, the movement slow and deliberate and painfully tempting. Sure, it was a dirty trick but 1) he never said anything about using your assets 2) you've been wanting to do that since the first hold. You feel his muscles tense and you can't help but radiate smugness.  Your smile vanishes, however, when he rolls his hips against yours giving you a feel of his hardened length through the thin fabric of your gym shorts. The slow, tantalizing friction against your core draws out a vulgar moan from you. 
 "Do you wanna run that by me again, brat?" He whispers low and husky emphasizing the last word with another grind of his hip. You pant, hips answering back with their own desperate movement. You want to let your hips keep moving, to make him move, to feel his cock against your core but pride flared in your chest. "Make me." You bite out. "I really should teach you some manners."You feel the low rumble of his answer in response seemingly amused by your continued resistance. He rocks his hips against yours drawing out another breathy moan from you. Out of spite you bite your bottom lip and rock your hips in tandem with his. What did you hope to accomplish from this? You don't know but it certainly felt good. Your skin feels hot and oversensitive as your bodies continue to move at this rhythm. The feel of his muscles rippling against you makes you arch your back. You wanted more but you had too much pride. As if spurred on by the movement, he presses a kiss on your shoulder and sucks at your flesh, a rough hand grips your waist tight enough to bruise. "Slade!" You choke out losing your composure.  The cry sounds more like a plea than you would like. You sound so small and needy beneath his ministrations. 
 Distilling your anger into your weakening limbs you try to buck him off again. You make a small noise of triumph when he budges but whine when his grip on you just gets tighter. "Not quite, princess,"  
 He flips you onto your back. A hand pins both your arms above your head as he situates himself between your legs. His lips capture yours in a rough kiss, the type where you feel two bodies fighting each other for dominance. His teeth bite lightly against your bottom lip asking for entrance. You open your lips less in concession and more of a challenge. The wet muscles of your tongues entangle. Your nose is filled with the musk of him. It was overwhelming. You moan into the kiss and you feel him smile into it. Another small victory. 
 Slade ends the kiss having undeniably won the match. You try to move your hand to punch the grin off his face but again your hands don't budge. You curse his enhanced strength halfheartedly as the feeling of the heat coiling in the pit of your stomach takes over. Instead of diving back in for another kiss as you expected, Slade trails kisses down your jawline, your throat, and your collar bone leaving very defined very visible hickeys. There was something oddly possessive in his actions.  The look in his eye was predatory. 
 You, foolishly, let your attention wander to your hands seeing what angle you could possibly force them into so you can slip his grip and maybe turn the tables. Your attention snaps back to him when the pressure around your chest loosens and the distinct sound of a zipper fills your ears. Your eyes widen as you watch as he unzips the front of your sports bra with his teeth. Your breath catches even as your chest fills with the lack of constriction. Your too hot skin is grazed by the training room's cold air. He places a kiss in the valley between your breasts but when you whimper and move slightly urging him to proceed. He moves on to your stomach. "Asshat" You seethe through gritted teeth. You let out a groan of frustration. You were going to kill him. You honestly don't care if you've just wasted half a billion dollars on this asshole. 
 His kisses drift down to your inner thigh drawing a moan from you. Slade chuckles seeing your desire seeping through the thin fabric of your shorts. He isn't entirely surprised considering how unsubtle you are about your interest. A rare moment of embarrassment blankets you. Your legs try to close but rough hands pry them apart placing them on his broad shoulders. You bite your lip when he plants a kiss on your inner thigh. Your lips are puffy and red at this point, looking delicious as you panted. Slade wonders how your lips would feel around his cock but he decides he'll save that for another time. He hooks his fingers on the waistband of your shorts and his eye widens momentarily when he doesn't feel a second layer of fabric underneath it. He looks at you incredulously.
 You shrug trying to keep the mischief off your face looking absolutely unapologetic. "It's laundry day-" You shrug a little amused that this is the detail that caught him off guard. "-I did tell you I had stuff to do~"He also supposedly had stuff to do but, apparently, you were stuff. He chuckled and without dignifying your comment with an actual response, he rips your shorts off with ease and tosses them somewhere behind him.  A complaint or a threat, you weren't entirely sure, died on your lips when his tongue gave your core a nice long lick. A loud, needy keen escapes you. Your hands now free from his grasp dig into his scalp.  Pleased with your reaction he continues. His skilled tongue exploring your core hitting spots you didn't even know were there. Your hips meet to match his pace as he fucks you with his tongue. You whine when he withdraws his tongue but mewl loud and wanton when you feel two rough fingers stretching your insides. His mouth latches onto your sensitive bud, fingers pumping in and out.  You throw your head back not being able to contain your moans.
 "Look at me, brat," The command is deep and resonant. Your whole body buzzes with excitement. Slade can see your eyes dilate as his voice drops an octave. 
 "Yes," Your breath hitches when he doesn't move. "Sir" You add as a concession hoping it was enough. You felt your pride waning from the small piece of power being given away. Thankfully, he rewards you with another long lick before you can dwell on it. Slade watches as your face twists in pleasure trying your best not to throw your head back. You see the smugness on his face even when half of his face is buried between your legs. You don't attempt a threat simply because you don't trust whatever comes out of your mouth to be coherent. You were so close. You rock your hips trying to chase your high. Your skin is flush and glistening with sweat. You were so close. He feels your walls tightening around his fingers. Another needy keen escapes you as you were about to tip over the edge. 
 The motherfucker pulls back. You snarl at him but it comes out sounding more like a needy croon than anything else. He chuckles at you even as he captures your lips for another kiss. His tongue is thick with the taste of you. Your hand tangles itself into his hair while the other tugs at the waistband of his sweatpants.  He pulls away giving your lips one last nip before his body is off of you. It's funny how just moments ago you wanted him off of you badly enough that you'd play any dirty trick you could think of but now your skin is burning for his touch.  He takes off his sweat pants and his engorged cock slaps against his abs. It takes every brain cell at your disposal not to drool at the sight of it. He was BIG. You wonder briefly if he would even fit.  
 He spits on his cock rubbing his head against your thoroughly soaked folds. You mewl. A playful look in his eye does not go unnoticed but you were far too preoccupied with other concerns. Thankfully, so did he. Slade eases into your pussy in slow shallow thrusts. You can physically feel your walls stretching inch by inch as he works his way into your tight pussy. He can feel every bit of resistance your pussy is putting up. It's his turn to hiss when he finally bottoms out. Your walls cling to his member trying to milk it for all its worth. You drag your nails down from his shoulder to his arms. You pout when his skin heals immediately. You wanted to mark him as he did you but apparently, his healing factor was not up to being kinky today.   
 He laughs at your little protest and gives you a quick kiss. He begins to thrust shallow and languid. Your lips are locked in, sensually nibbling at each other's lips. You arch your back pressing your chest against his musculature savoring every bit of stimulation you could get.   You cant your hips against his urging him to go faster. His large hand grips your hips and pins them down. The coil in your stomach grows tighter at the ease at which he stops you. You feel him grin against your hot skin. 
 "Didn't I say I would teach you some manners?" He pulls himself out leaving you feeling hollow and wanting. You're pretty sure if you weren't drunk on your arousal the look in your eyes would be nothing short of murder, however, this was not the case, Whatever venom you had in you vanished in a swirl of neediness that racked your body. Your cant your hips uselessly trying to find friction only to be met with cool air. 
 "Slade pleeeeaaase!"
 You gasp, as a sharp stinging sensation on your pussy knocks the breath out of you. Slade gives you an expectant look. 
 "Sir, plea-"
 Another slap. Your back arches.  You’re panting heavy, mind swirling and searching. 
 "Daddy please!" The words tumble from your lips thoughtlessly. You both freeze. Slade's face is unreadable making you want to shrink away and let the earth swallow you whole. Panic rises in your chest until you feel his hips slam against yours. The force is enough to knock the breath out of you. He manhandles your body to fuck you at a better angle. His grip on your thighs tight and bruising. You whimper when he dips his head down near yours pressing kisses to your jaw and the pulsating flesh of your neck leaving your mouth free to moan his name like a mantra.   A deep resonant growl rumbles in his chest sending thrills through your skin into your spine. Your hardened nipples drag against his chest as they bounce with his pace. His cock pumps in and out of you at an animalistic pace. You were absolutely going mad over his rough pace but it wasn't enough to push you over. You were both so close.
 "Daddy, please! I- I need-" Slade's cock twitches. His pace goes from animalistic to punishing in the space of a heartbeat. He growls into your ear as he reaches down to rub your clit with skilled, calloused fingers. Your walls tighten around him as you go over the edge.  Your orgasm hits you in a flurry of heat and electricity. He fucks you through it as he chases his own. He pulls out his cock. Ropes of cum covering your chest and your stomach. 
 He lays beside you pulling you close. You moan quietly still feeling the aftershocks of your orgasm. He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, planting an open-mouthed kiss. You ease into his hold and close your eyes. 
 "See how easy your life is when you're a good girl, princess," He whispers mockingly into your ear. You raise a middle finger at him too fucked out to care whether it actually conveyed as much venom as you wanted it to. 
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Thanks for reading! Next week will be our regularly scheduled fluff unless I get possessed by the thirst muses. 
tag list:  Tag list:  @batarella , @anothertimdrakestan , @lucy-roo , @multifandomgirl-us , @idkmanicantenglish ,@birdy-bat-writes ,  @boosyboo9206 , @americasmarauders , @l-horizondepeu , @arestorationofbalance  , @cloudie-skay , @knightfall05x
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arcadianstuff · 3 years
Text
School Rivals p.t5
Finally getting round to writing the next instalment in the series ! Hope you like it ! Tell me if you want part 6 !!
——————
"I need your help."
You eyed the man curiously who was standing not to far away from where you were laying down. Unlike the first time you’d blacked out and awoken, the ground below you was soft and plush. It appeared you were lying on a sofa of sorts, and as you pushed yourself up you were surprised to find that there was no pain. The blood that had littered your hands had vanished, and with a hesitant hand you traced the edges of your face. The scar was also gone.
"Am I dead ?" You whispered, voice hoarse as you felt the sudden horrible sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach at the thought of death.
A serious look crossed the man’s face as he turned away from the bookshelf he’d been persuing, to stare at you. He didn’t look older than seventy but his eyes gave away the eons he’d been alive. There was knowledge and wisdom in them far beyond what you could hope to understand.
"No, not yet at least. You’ve reached the line between life and death, which is what let me call you here. You ((Y/n) Lake, are the last descendant of Arthur Pendragon." His words had you looking at him incrediously, a laugh leaving your lips as you stared at him in disbelief.
"You’re cracked old man. Aruthur Pendragon and the knights of the round table ? That’s from a storybook. Next thing you’re gonna tell me Merlin is a real person." You chuckled a little, rolling your eyes at the old man who was clearly crazy. Your words had the old man rolling his eyes.
"He is a real person. Or was rather. We don’t have time for this (Y/n)" Merlin was becoming quickly aware of the time limit on your meeting. He didn’t have much time left to keep you in this realm unless you truly wished to die. He couldnt let that happen.
"Arthur’s sword, Escalkibur is yours to wield. A new foe is coming, a truly evil being and you’ll need it if you’re too fight this war and win." Your eyes widened in confusion as you tried to stand up and reach the man, but as you tried you felt yourself fall, nausea rolling over you.
With a grunt, you collapsed to the floor but couldn’t feel a thing. It felt like reality had turned to sand and you were struggling to grasp on to it. Though you struggled to open your eyes, you managed a few blinks and saw the room, in which you were in, was fading like an old photograph. A white glow fillled the room and you managed one last look at the old man’s face.
"Protect your brother and his troll hunter friends. Protect magic and mortal alike. And please girl, Protect Hisirdoux for me...." Merlin's last words barely registered in your mind as he finally weakened, the magic that he’d needed to hold your spirit there having taken a toll on him.
With a bright flash, your form disappeared the white light fading out of the room.
"She reminds me a lot of you." Merlin spoke, his words echoing around the room that wasn’t actually empty. Though you’d never noticed another person, or spirit rather, had been lurking in a corner.
Stepping out from the shadows, Morgana Le Fay glanced at her senile mentor with a grim expression.
"Perhaps. I can only hope she doesn’t repeat our mistakes."
—————————-
For the third time that week you yet again awoke from a blackout.
"Let’s try and not make this into a habit." Your sour words were clipped as a cough racked your body. This time you felt pain as you tried to push yourself up of the grassy floor you’d found yourself on. Curses fell from your mouth as a sharp pain tore through your side in retaliation for you trying to stand up.
It was a struggle, but you managed to stagger up to your feet, though walking was considerably harder. The red suit of armour you wore was heavier than you realised, and it slowed your sluggish steps even more. Though the scar om your face had permanently disappeared, there was still blood covering your hands and coating locks of your (h/c) hair. You were a gruesome sight to behold.
Thankfully, it appeared to be the very early morning, the sun not yet peaking its head up from over the horizon. Only the birds were awake with you, as you hobbled through the forest, having to grasp onto nearby branches for support. A couple of your ribs were definitely broken, and you’d sprained your right ankle. Guess that meant no soccer for you. How the fuck would you explain this to Coach Lawrence ? And oh my god it’s a Monday today. You had school !
"Dude you literally just died and went to heaven calm down..." You grumbled to yourself, still in complete disbelief that you’d just died, kinda.
You could remember taking down Bellroc, the feeling of stalactites stabbing your body and a weight so crushing that it had cracked your body. Had you gone to the afterlife ? And now you were here, somehow having survived all of that. But they were all safe. Your friends, your family, they were safe.
But oh boy were you going to give them the worst tellinng off of their entitle lives when you found them. Jim and Toby wouldn’t know what hit them. Claire, you might go easy on because you felt considerable guilt for having flung her into a wall. God you hoped she was okay. And douxie....or rather Hisirdouxx ? What a weird name...
And the trolls. For fucks sake there are trolls now.
Luckily, the streets of Acrcadia were empty, minus the stray cat and occasional morning bird who’s sweets song made the journey back to your home a bit more bearable. Somehow you’d managed to stumble out of the forest, and found yourself on the familiar 3rd street where Mr. Benoit'ss cafe was.
The walk home should’ve taken ten minutes, but with your injuries it had taken considerably longer. There were tears running down your cheeks as you spied the familiar sight of your home. All your life you’d dreamed of escaping Arcadia, of leaving this house and never coming back. But now you couldn’t have felt happier to see it again, to be able to come back. You’d always wanted adventure, maybe you were getting it now.
As you walked up the porch steps you noticed the faint light coming from the living room mixed with hushed whispers and words that were too muffled for you to hear. But it had gone silent the moment you’d knocked on the door.
——————————-
"I’m so sorry Jim.." Claire whispered, rubbing her boyfriend back as they sat together on the sofa. She’d forced him to change out of his armour and back into his ordinary clothes once they’d come inside. Their friends were scattered around them, Toby was huddled up on the floor next to them, stroking Archie's fur as he glared at the floor. Brooding in the corner of the room, Douxie's face as shrouded with hatred and anger as his grasp on his wizards staff tightened every time he recalled the last moment he’d seen you.
"I love you too." He could hear you saying that, the words like a song stuck in his head. They went round and round like a merry-go-round.
What was worse though, were the audible sobs and gasps of pain that were coming from your mother, Barbara, as she broke down in Strickler's arms. The changeling had taught you for years and was disheartened to hear of one of his favourite students deaths, especially considering that you were Barbara's daughter. This would be a wound that the doctor couldn’t treat.
"I can’t believe she’s gone.." Jim barely recognised the sound of his own voice as he spoke, lips quivering as he tried to hold back another round of tears. His throat was dry and eyes sore, tinged red around the edges. The home was now a house full of broken people.
A rap at the door caught the rooms attention, everyone collectively sucking in a breath.
"Could be more trouble. Stay on guard." Douxie spoke, almost hoping for a fight. He meeeded someone to take his anger out on.
With a quiet whisper, Jim summoned his armour and sword, the familiar feeling of the cool metal setting him a little at ease. With Strickler and his mother at the back of the group, they proceeded to the front door, all armed and ready for a fight.
But their hostility dissipated at the sight of someone they were sure they’d never see again. There, drenched in blood and littered with cuts, stood the girl they’d all been mourning, her eyes widening at the sight of weapons being pointed towards her.
"Woah I die and come back to life and this is the greeting I get." You half heartedly joked, not quite sure how to greet them considering what had happened. Awkward and poorly timed humour was what you resorted to.
A stifled sob left your mothers lips as she stumbled forwards out of Stricklers grasp, and barrelled into you, not caring about the blood that now coated her white lab coat. A small smile lifted the corner of your lips as you hugged her back, more tears falling down your face as you clung to your mum. The two of you sobbed into each other.
As you peeked over her shoulder, you saw the stunned expressions of your friends and family, especially the tears that were flowing down Jim's face. Pulling back from your mum a little, you opened your arms up and Jim rushed into them. Though he was catching up to you in height, you were a tiny bit taller. The three of you hugged, crying and laughing at the impossibility of the situation.
"I cant believe it." Jim repeated again and again, unable to fathom that you were standing there with them. You were alive. Somehow you were still here with them.
A broken laugh left your lips at his words. You couldn’t believe it either, it seemed like a miracle but you knew better. This was thanks to one man, and you were sure he’d saved your life. Merlin.
"Y-you idiot ! How could you do something like that to me ? To Jim ? You are in so much trouble !" With amazing speed your mother did a whole 360, going from sobbing and incredibly happy, to sobbing and incredibly mad. She looked absolutely furious as she pulled away from you and took a step back.
Before you could protest she was pointing at your motorcycle, that was laying innocently in front of your house.
"No bike f-for at least a month ! And soccer ! no soccer a-and a-a.." she trailed off, her anger dying as quickly as it came before she snatched you up into another hug. "Don’t ever do that again." She whispered into your hair.
"I promise I won’t." You whispered back, grateful to just be able to hug your mum again.
After that you’d been tackled into a hug by Toby and Claire, who clutched to you with a lot of strength for two sixteen year olds. Though you were beyond grateful to be here with them and were flattered by their fear and worry for you, you were starting to get antsy. You had questions for them.
Firstly, how on earth did your mum know about this ? And everything that was going on ? You’d had a furious screaming match when your brother revealed to you that he and your mum had known the truth about your worlds for the last year, and had decided to hide it from you to keep you safe. The argument you’d had had shook the living room, and the other people there had sat awkwardly on the sofas and watched quietly.
Secondly, what was Strickler doing here ? You were very surprised to see your favourite history teacher at your home. You knew he and your mum were dating and were totally cool with that. Or well you were until they revealed that he was a changeling ? What the hell even was that ? You’d gone from furious, to threatening to kill Strcikler to calm and collected. Your emotions were taking a toll. Not to mention the exhaustion of surviving death,. Yet you weren’t sleepy. There wasn’t time for sleep now.
Somewhere between your fourth argument with Strickler, Douxie had decided to sneak out of your home. He was too conflicted at the moment To stay there any longer. Of course you’d noticed the wizard try and slink away, and so as you all started to calm down you deiced to follow him yourself.
You were yet to reunite with the man, and though he might be your enemy in some ways, the state of your relationship and been changed permanently forever. And you also had a message to give him from an old friend.
79 notes · View notes
simpsiren · 3 years
Text
sticky notes: the story
mark lee x reader
introduction 
main masterlist
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description. you use sticky notes to get into contact with your soulmate.
genre. soulmate au, high school au, strangers to lovers au
warnings. nonee
a/n. so some people requested for a full story of this so here it is! i really liked making this because the concept is just so cute cudndn oh and i did include the same idea as what i did in my previous post but i had to change it a little so that it would fit the plot. this is a really really long ff since its a slow burn typa thing so please try to stick with me on this one HAHA anyways enjoyy! :D
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“you actually believe that?”
you lift your head up from your notes to look at soyoung. she nods her head and hum eagerly. you rub your temples from seeing her respond. “i do believe soulmates exist. but sticky notes to talk to them? what’s social media for then? and how is it even scientifically possible?” you question soyoung, bringing your eyes down as you continue to do your homework.
“that’s the beauty of soulmates, ray!” soyoung whines. you shake your head. “you’re dumb to believe it without confirming the information with other relevant sources.” you mutter out bluntly. you hear soyoung letting out a ‘tsk’. “here you go again being a history student. i swear im glad i never took it.” you scoff and slam your pen on the table gently.
“excuse me, woman! at least i dont have to memorise the whole textbook and only having 5 pages of content coming out in the exam.” you stick your tongue out playfully to tease soyoung. “i cant get over the fact that valcanos didn’t come out eventhough i memorised so much for it.”
the both of you laugh, knowing that the two of you can never stop debating on whether history or geography is the better subject.
“ray complete your homework at home. we cant stay in the classroom for long you know?” soyoung stands up to get to her seat, which is 2 rows down yours since you were sitting right at the back. you liked sitting at the back. it allowed you to always be able to use your phone in case you get bored in class. you still cant believe that your teachers think you’re a good and obedient student. you figured they only assumed that due to your high grades.
you sigh “that’s true.” you turn around to grab your back that was hanging in your chair and start packing your materials. once you were done, you grab the class key and walk over to soyoung’s seat, waiting for her to finish packing. you notice soyoung has finish packing and went to switch off the lights. you allow soyoung to step out first before you close the door behind you and lock the classroom door.
you and soyoung walked down the hallway silently, you were looking out the window to watch the sunset while soyoung had her eyes on her feet. only your footsteps could be heard as almost everyone has left the school grounds except for some teachers who were working late. the school normally closes at 7pm and you’re walking out at 6:50. to break the silence, soyoung opens her mouth to start a conversation.
“okay if you dont believe me why dont you try it yourself? like write a simple introduction to your soulmate.” you raise an eyebrow as you shove your hands into the front pockets of your mom jeans. “why dont you do it?” you fought back as you huff. soyoung bites the inside of her cheek as a moment of silence passes for her to think of an answer.
“because i believe it. and you do not. so you should try it.” you smacked soyoung’s arm, making her flinch back and shouting a loud ‘ouch’. you roll your eyes, knowing you didn’t hit her hard and she was just overreacting. “brilliant excuse,so. but if its going to make you stop talking about it, i might as well.” soyoung face lit up as she jumps happily and starts skipping ahead of you. you laugh and pull the handle at back of her bag to keep her explosion of excitement to the minimum.
“you owe me brown sugar milk tea. large.” you taunted. soyoung waves her hand lazily. “i’ll buy you one after school tomorrow. but you better update me during math.”
you wanted to say how you could just text soyoung to update her, but you remembered the fact that soyoung’s mother took away her phone since she didn’t do well for this year’s midterms. although to you, soyoung’s grades were decent. unfortunately for her, soyoung has to live up to her asian mom’s high expectations. the thought of this made you want to frown, but you showed a bright smile regardless as the two of you finally made it to the school gate, waving to each other and bidding farewell before walking down opposite paths.
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once you arrived at home, you took out your phone from your back pocket. you saw a notification from your mother saying that your parents would be home late. you shrug your shoulders as you walk to your room. “as always.” you breathed out.
you did your normal routine of showering and eating leftover dinner that you needed to heat up at the couch while you completed one episode of the anime series you were so hooked on. you continue watching but with the amount of homework you have, you might finish them all by midnight if you dont slack.
you turned off the tv and washed your plate before heading into your room. as you close the door behind you, your eyes immediately went to your desk, which was pretty messed up since you had a test to study for yesterday that you completely weren’t prepared for and had to squeeze in as much information as you can. hence, the scattering of notes and textbooks.
you stroll over to your desk and sat down. you take out your homework from your back which was beside the desk. looking at the stack of homework, you groan in despair as shove it to the back of the desk till it hit the wall. “ah fuck it! im just going to ask kun for help.” you admitted your defeat depsite thinking you would be able to gain some energy from your dinner. you also thought about how you’ve done your homework in the morning plenty of time so i shouldnt be a problem unless kun doesn’t offer his help.
you jump to your bed and lay down, bringing your phone out and immediately start scrolling through instagram. as you swiped your finger up to look at the posts of the people you follow, you stop at one. a picture of a couple who met through the sticky note theory. or so they claim. your thumbs hover over the screen as your eyes look up to the ceiling, starting to remember what soyoung asked to do to get your bubble tea.
yoy tap your index finger on the side of your phone as you constantly started to think whether you should do it or not. you’ve heard the rumours. but are they even true? the more you thought about it, the more intriguing the idea got. but at the same time, you also thought of how stupid it sounded and was probably made to fool people.
after contemplating and having in a debate in your head that felt like forever, you finally place your phone down beside you and take a deep breath. “ill do it.” you groan to yourself, letting curiosity take over your other feelings.
you gather up your strength to stand up from your bed and walk over to your desk. you push all the papers and textbooks aside, grabbing a yellow sticky notepad from your stationery organiser. you had other colours too like pink and purple, but you figured that you should go with the classic.
pulling out a random pen that was laying in between the pages of one of your textbooks, you tilt your head to the side as you start thinking of what to write, unconsciously biting the end of your pen in the process.
you bite the side of your cheek and shrug, deciding to go with the plan of writing whatever that comes to your mind.
um hi? i dont even know if you’re going to see this. its funny, really. i heard a rumour that you can communicate with your soulmate through sticky notes. it’s probably just fake news and im writing to a nobody. that would honestly be embarrassing but it’ll be like love letters.. to myself(?) or my soulmate. write back? haha
you read over what you wrote an endless amount of times, thinking if you should make changes. you groan and immediately stick the sticky note onto your wall, giving up on giving second thoughts about what you call this ridiculousness.
you went about your night, forgetting you have left the sticky note on the wall. as you were on you bed scrolling through tumblr at 2 in the morning, you hear something. it sounded like a piece of paper had fallen from your desk.
unable to see in complete darkness, you turn on the flashlight from your phone and walk around your room, trying to find whatever it is that fell. it didn’t take you long to find a small yellow sticky note that you accidentally stepped on.
you pick it up, remembering that you wrote on the sticky note and thought that it was yours. however, once you were able to get a closer look, you noticed that the words on the sticky note have changed. so has the handwriting.
holy shit. i dont know what is this. but apparently a sticky note appeared on my wall saying i have a soulmate. my friends told me i should write back because of some rumour. so here i am trying. hi im mark. i dont know your name, but hope you’ll tell me once you recieve this. you’re in luck because apparently the rumour is true. im just as crepped out as you are.
you froze in your spot. your fingers shaking as you read the note again. you scratch your head. being too tired and unable to think straight at 2 in the morning, you place the sticky note on your desk and went back to bed to play with your phone. you soon forget about the fact that your soulmate has replied to your message that you have written on your sticky note.
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as you got ready for the next period which was math, soyoung immediately runs over to you, dragging the chair from the desk beside you and taking a seat. you flinch a little when you suddenly see her close to you. 
“so did you try it?!” soyoung asks, her voice filled with enthusiasm . you brushed a few pieces of hair behind your ear, nodding your head as you take out your textbook from under the desk. “did you get a reply then?” 
your mind started to take you back to the mysterious encounter that you had last night. “mhm.” you reply simply. “though the only thing i remember because it seems to be the only relevant information is that the person’s name is mark.” soyoung gasped loudly, making you crease your forehead as you watch her overreacting again. 
“your soulmate’s name is mark then.” soyoung concludes, folding her arms confidently as if she made a great discovery. you laugh, rolling your eyes sarcastically. “isnt it obvious?” soyoung frowns fakely. 
your mouth gapes open as you hit soyoung’s arm lightly. “buy me my milk tea!” you demanded with a wide smile. soyoung places her notebook on your table and nods constantly. “i will you addict.” she groans. you happily say thank you as your teacher comes into the classroom and class began. 
“what are you going to do about it now though?” as you recieved the question from soyoung, you kept silent for a moment, giving time to think of an answer.
 “ill write something back? i dont know.. ill have to read the letter again when i get back home.” you whispe to soyoung. she nods in reply as the two of you payed your attention to the front again. it surprised you that soyoung was paying attention but you only assumed that she wanted to do better in class and shrug your shouders, writing down the notes youve missed while talking to soyoung.
as for you, your concentration in class dipped slightly because now, the thing that is occupying your head the most is the thought that the sticky notes theory might actually be real and you cant say its not possible anymore, making you even more shocked than you did last night.
lucky for you, today is the only day of the week where your class ends the earliest, along with two other lower ranked classes. you and soyoung quickly pack up to go to the mall to get your reward. after soyoung buys you your drink, you and soyoung went your separate ways.
after about 30 minutes of taking the bus and walking, you finally arrived at home. you place your drink on the living room table and proceed to place your bag in the room and head for the showers.
once you were done showering, you walk out of the bathroom to head to your room while drying your hair with a small towel. opening the door, you enter and went straight to your clothing rack. just when you were about to grab a shirt from the hanger, you heard the same noise last night. another piece of paper has fallen on the floor.
you turn your head and look down. this time, you found another sticky note right in front of your feet. the colour of the sticky note changed from yellow to a light blue. you tilt your head as you pick up the stick note from the floor, finding it odd as you wonder how the colour of the sticky note changed.
you take a deep breath before reading it, noticing that the handwriting was similar to the one you read last night. a little messier, but still readable.
hi again.. im not sure if you’ll recieve this since its the afternoon and i know people are busy with work or school. i skipped school today so haha. um i just wanted to write to you, despite me not knowing a single thing about you. its odd really. its like i feel the need to write something to an unknown identity that people assume to be my soulmate. i still dont know your name, so i hope youll reply soon. take your time and take care :)
- mark
“skip school? what is he, a bad boy?” you scoff to yourself. you try to take in whatever’s on the note, but another thought comes to mind. you walk over to your desk and saw that the yellow sticky note with mark’s reply was still there. you find everything about this weird and just odd in general. a lot of questions sprouted, but you didn’t want to think of it since you were afraid you would complicate your thoughts and just throw yourself into a stress hole.
you continue to dry your hair with one hand while the other held onto the light blue sticky note. you bit your lip and gulp. after letting out a long sigh, you place the sticky note next to the other one and changed into your clothes, as well as bringing your drink from the living room table to your room, placing it on the desk as you sat down.
you take out your pencilcase from your bag and brought out your fresh new black pen that you just bought at the school’s stationery store. the previous pen you had was full of ink till soyoung was dumb enough to drop it, spoiling the pen and was unable to be used again.
peeling off another yellow stick note from the stack at the edge of your desk, you were about to put your pen on paper when you realise you dont even know what to write. what do you say to this person you barely know about? you continuously tap the edge of the pen against your desk as you take a sip of your drink. you look over to the two sticky notes with the messages that the person has left. its funny how you have to think so hard just to write a short message.
hey again. i actually ended school early today. my name’s raven. but my friends call me ray. i honestly don’t know what to say to you. im still dumbfounded over the fact that you’re my soulmate and we’re here communicating over sticky notes. the world really does work in a strange way. if you dont mind, i guess i want to know how old you are and you’re education status?
you held out the sticky note in front of you and sigh in satisfaction. why? it’s because of your neat handwriting. it was always a trait of yours that you deeply appreciate. you place the sticky note on the wall and advert your attention to the other sticky notes, placing them on the wall beside the new one you have just written.
“will this drive me insane? i might end up with a whole wall of this.” you say to yourself, rubbing your face with your palm before going to your bed and laying down, wanting to have your evening nap.
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“this is awesome!”
“no its scary.”
mark and his group of friends stared at the sticky note that has a message written with beautiful handwriting. mark flinched when he felt an arm on his shoulder, turning around to notice it was chenle’s. “when did you write your previous sticky note?” renjun suddenly asked. mark tilts his head as he tried to find an answer.
“less than an hour before you guys came i guess?” mark shrugs, standing up from his desk and taking a seat at the edge of the bed beside jaemin and haechan. “this raven girl is your soulmate then.” chenle walks towards mark and stands in front of him. mark nods slowly. the room grew silent again with everyone having the similar thoughts.
“you know what would be funny?” haechan smacks mark’s thigh, the sound making everyone turn their attention to mark and haechan. “what?” mark asked with a sigh, running a hand through his hair.
“why dont we prank her and say you’re a sugar daddy and live in a mansion?!” everyone gave yuta weird looks, making haechan laugh hysterically. “are you crazy? do you think i want to chase my soulmate away?” mark scolded haechan, smacking him hard on the chest, resulting in haechan’s back falling onto the bed.
“you’re always asking for a beating i swear.” renjun comments, walking towards haechan and balling his hand into a fist and acting as if he was about to attack. jaemin laughs to try and calm them down. “kids let’s not fight.” jaemin announced, looking over to jeno only to find him standing there watching quietly.
“go ahead, mark. you should write something. we cant keep her waiting.” jeno finally spoke up, grabbing the sticky notepad and a random pen from mark’s table and passing it over to him.
mark stared at the blank paper while the others were talking about what to have for dinner. it didn’t take him long to decide what to write. when mark starts writing and began to be in full concentration, everyone crowds around him to see what he’s writing.
sup raven! i wont call you ray since we aren’t friends yet. im still shocked. like the possibility of things like this being possible is just another possibility that can possibly happen. but anyways, to answer you question, im a high schooler from dream high. im in my third year. its kind of awkward for me while im writing this since my friends are reading every word im taking down. i guess i should ask you the same question back then. hope to hear from you soon.
“will you guys stop being nosy?” mark groans, standing up and pasting the sticky note on his wall, along with the other sticky notes he received from you. “you didn’t have to say that we’re here.” haechan retorts. mark rolls his eyes. “jesus..” mark mutters under his breathe. “anyways, yall are paying for dinner since you guys bribed me to write back.” mark sticks his tongue out playfully and runs out to the living room. everyone follows suit.. except for jeno.
jeno slowly walks towards the wall and leans forward to get a closer look of the sticky notes, specifically the two others beside the new one that mark just wrote. “raven? why does that sound so familiar? the handwriting...” jeno brings his finger up and lightly hovers them over the uniquely written words. it looked like calligraphy, and retro looking. jeno felt as though he had seen it before somewhere, or knew someone who wrote like that.
jeno snapped out of his deep thoughts when jaemin called out to him, making him walk towards the door and glancing at the sticky notes once more before joining the others in the living room.
you were currently video calling your friends when you heard the crackling of a piece of paper. of course you knew what that meant. you peered down the the floor from your bed and reached your hand out to pick up the sticky note. “ray?” doyoung called out to you when he noticed your face wasnt on screen. you lay back down on the floor and brought your phone up to show your face.
“what was that sound earlier?” lucas asked, currently sounding hyper. “the mysterious mark sent me another sticky note.” you reply sarcastically, waving the sticky note to the camera to let everyone look at it. everyone nodded their heads at the some time, some letting out a long ‘ah’ as well. “read it out loud!” yuta shouted.
“the fuck no!” you shouted back. you stared at the sticky note, but didn’t bother to read it. you thought of doing that once you’re done video calling them.
“how was today for you guys?” you asked, wanting to know how they’re doing.
“its tiring! we had dance practice, then we have to do recordings for our new albums. we barely get any sleep.” ten whines, his tone filled with stress. you laugh loudly. it made everyone frown and pout. you sigh. “pursuing your NCT world domination is never easy.” you commented, highlighting the word ‘world domination’ with a change of tone.
everyone lets out a long sigh and started to complain one by one, making the whole video call chaotic for almost 10 minutes. you could only smile and shake your head.
after about an hour or so of talking about basically everything and catching up with each other, everyone decided that they should end the call here since it was beginning to get dark and they needed to start practice soon. you bid your goodbye to them once more and ended the call.
you now adverted your attention to the sticky note. reading the letter, you raise both eyebrows. “dream high? that’s not far from here..” you mumbled to yourself. you started to think about everything you know about dream high. you know it’s was about an hour’s journey from where you live. it wasnt really well known either. the overall vibe of the school was mediocre.
however, you felt like you were missing something. something about that school is somehow related to you. you just couldn’t think of an answer despite squeezing all thoughts that you have in your brain. you groan and stood up from your bed and to your desk, proceeding to wanting to write a reply to mark.
hey. sorry if you get this quite late. i was busy video calling my friends. to answer your question, im a third year as well from jookin high. i would ask for your number so we dont have to do this all the time but my friend would scold me saying “but you’re removing the fun out of it.” but anyways, mark aka my soulmate, tell me about yourself, to start off.
you stick the note onto the wall, looking at the row of messages you’ve had recieved so far. you found it weird how the first time you’ve sent the note and got a reply back, it was on the same sticky note, just different handwriting. but you had to write on a new sticky note to send a new message only to get the same sticky note with a different message in return.
you only see his answers lined up on your wall. you started to wonder how this mark guy looked like. is he good looking? what are his hobbies? his attitude towards school? you really wished you could just text him through instagram and not have to go through all this trouble. but that option would earn you a large smack on the back by soyoung and your really didn’t want that.
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“do we really need to be here now? like now?!”soyoung whined, while pushing the cart and following behind you while you tossed some packets of frozen bacon. you stopped walking and turn around, nodding your head intensely. soyoung groans and took out her phone, proceeding to use it while still pushing the cart.
you walk around the supermarket, trying to find the ingredients listed on your notes in your phone. it was the weekends and you’re parents were going to be away for a business trip for a week so you thought of inviting soyoung over and making home cooked meals as a bonding session for you two.
after about 30 minutes of gathering the ingredients and having soyoung constantly screaming and fangirling over tiktok edits of jaehyun from NCT. one note: she has yet to know that you know them and that they’re your friends. you figured that it would be best to not let anyone know so as to avoid any situation that would put your friends in a tight spot, since well they’re idols, you were looking for one last item that you had trouble finding.
“soyoung help me! stop watching tiktoks!” you groan, snatching soyoung’s phone away and shoving it in her back pocket. soyoung rolls her eyes lazily and the two of you proceeded to scan the different isles and shelves, looking over every item.
while you were too concentrated looking at the bottom shelves, you felt that you have bumped into someone. you squat down, letting out a soft ‘ouch’ before standing up and looking to see who you bumped into.
“wait. jaemin?” you furrow your eyebrows as you tilt your head, pointing your finger at the guy in front of you. “raven!” you noticed that it was jaemin after all, and both your faces lit up and the same time, grinning widely at each other.
“uhhh..” soyoung says out loud, you and jaemin turn your heads to face soyoung who was behind you. “oh! this is jaemin. we used to be neighbourhood friends before he moved out 4 years ago.” you introduced jaemin to soyoung. jaemin nodded and gave her a bright smile. soyoung only shrugged her shoulders and took out her phone. you turn your attention back to jaemin.
“why are you even here? dont you live quite far?” you ask, your fingers interlocked behind your back. jaemin nods, running a hand through his hair.
“well yes. but we came here to find something that only this supermarket sells.” jaemin replied back, his warm smile never leaving his lips. you smile, reached your hand out to ruffle his hair, laughing softly afterwards. “we? who’re you with?” you stared at jaemin with eyes of suspicion. jaemin started pinching your cheeks, making you whine and begging him to let go.
“with my friend, ray chill. im still single.” jaemin pulled away and folded his arms, pouting. “im sure you’ll find one soon.” you reached out to ruffle his hair and give off a wide smile.
while you and jaemin were catching up and being in your own world, soyoung got too bored of watching the two of you and decided to walk around the supermarket, leaving the cart behind you.
just as she was looking at the drinks isle to get her favourite sweet drink, she sees someone picking up a bunch of bottles one by one and placing them back on the shelve. out of kindness, she decided to help, picking up a bottle and placing it on fhe shelve before looking up to face the guy, who had a straight face while looking at her.
“i was just trying to help. im soyoung.” soyoung smiled, reaching her hand out and waiting for thr guy to greet back. he looked at her but doesn’t respond, proceeding to pick up the last bottle that was seen on the floor. “im jeno.” jeno stands up and nods his head to greet soyoung. soyoung nods back, walking down the isle to grab her drink from the shelve. “have a nice day.” soyoung says before leaving the isle and disappearing out of jeno’s sight. he only shrugged in response and went to do his own thing.
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“you met who?!” haechan asks as he takes a sip of his ice cold water. everyone had their heads turned to jaemin, who raised an eyebrow at everyone’s weird expression. “i met my old friend raven. what’s so shocking?” jaemin asks back casually, picking up a few pieces of fries and dipping it into the sauce before shoving it in his mouth.
“dude that’s the name of mark’s soulmate!” haechan screams, making everyone flinch due to the loud noise. “i highly doubt it. there’s plenty of girls in the world with the name raven.” jaemin protests with his mouth full and chugging down gulps of coca cola.
“i mean that’s true. jeno you were with jaemin, right? dont you suspect anything?” renjun starts to question jeno, who was silently playing with his phone. looking up at the others, he gulps.
“i didn’t know he met his friend. i was picking out drinks. i just met a girl named soyoung.” jeno shrugs, taking a bite of his burger. mark scratches the back of his head, now starting to think of the fact that jaemin might have met his soulmate. though he also thought about how that could not be totally possible.
“nah i dont think its her. like really ‘raven’ could be anyone.” mark says, siding with jaemin. haechan tilts his head in awe. “jaemin do you know what school she’s going to?” jaemin only shakes his head.
“i lost all contact with her when i left her neighbourhood. plus we were young. i barely knew her honestly.” the living room falls silent, everyone trying to think of a conclusion to this.
chenle groans, standing up from his seat and slamming his hands on the table, gathering everyone’s attention as their heads shot up. “instead of pondering as if yall are solving some crime, why dont mark just ask her through the sticky note god dammit?” chenle pinches the bridge of his nose.
everyone’s mouths gape open as the room was suddenly filled with ‘ah’s all over. chenle shakes his head. everyone was now looking intensively at mark. mark furrows his eyebrows. “okay guys hold up ill grab the stick note.” mark stands up and takes one bite of his burger before going into his room for awhile and coming out with a sticky note and a pen.
jaemin noticed jeno being silent the whole way. and althought thats normal since its jeno’s nature and personality to not be so outspoken like the others, jaemin could sense that jeno was off and seem to be in deep thoughts.
and jaemin was right. jeno couldnt stop thinking about jaemin’s encounter with ‘raven’. the name sounded so familiar. he tried to recall every girl he has came into contact with during his life. why did he feel like the name was tied to the handwriting he saw on the sticky notes?
“jeno.” jaemin nudged him in the shoulder. jeno mumbled a soft ‘oh’ before turning his attention to mark just like the others. “she didn’t send me a reply after my last one though.” mark says, looking up.
“its fine. she probably didn’t see it. just write already.” chenle says in anticipation. mark shakes his head. “calm the heck down its not like we can get an answer immediately.” mark rolls his eyes and began to write.
hey raven. um i know this may sound weird. but have you gone to a supermarket and met a guy names jaemin? im not a stalker i swear. its just that he’s my friend and apparently you know him. though i dont think that such a coincidence and come by just like that. hope you hear from you soon.
jeno stared at the sticky note that mark proceeded to place at a random wall of the living room while everyone continued to eat and chat. his thoughts finally linked and a imaginary lightbulb appeared on above his head when he finally realises why he was so drawn to mark’s soulmate.
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you were focused on wanting to solve a math question when the sticky note above your desk’s wall had fallen in front of you, revealing a new message. you place your pen down and let out a sigh, remembering that you hsve forgotten to write a reply and that mark probably sent you another one.
you tied your hair in a messy low bun before picking up the sticky note to get a closer view. you blink your eyes rapidly as your eyes furrow in awe. what the note said really shocked you and made you freeze in your spot. jaemin is friends with your soulmate? there’s no way.
you sat there for awhile as you constantly read over the words, still in shock with your moutb hanging open. you just couldn’t believe it. was it really what it seemed to be? another thought came to your mind as well. the thought of just who is this friend of jaemin’s? could it be mark? was your soulmate literally in the same place as you yet you never knew?
you grab a fresh new piece of sticky note and proceeded to write a reply after staring at it for so long and thought that it was finally time that you do something.
okay what you wrote really was weird. jaemin’s my old neighbourhood friend. its such a coincidence how you know him. i guess the connections are there. so haha yeah. damn. im very mind blown right now.
you take a look at your handwriting again, smiling to yourself. “i really do love my handwriting.” you mumble under your breath. you stuck the sticky note on the wall and resumed doing your homework, hoping that mark would reply soon.
while the boys were immersed in the horror movie they were watching on friday night, everyone turned their heads to each other when they heard the noise of a piece of paper falling onto the floor. in unison, everyone turned their head to where the noise came from and seeing the sticky note that fell.
jisung grabs the controller and pauses the movie. “we’re watching a scary movie and creepy stuff like that happens?!” jisung asks, stuttering out of complete fear.
mark decided to be the brave one after seeing everyone’s terrified face and stands up to pick up the sticky note, going back to take his seat on the couch soon after. “d-does that always happen?” mark shrugs. “well duh. that’s how i know she sent a reply. it wouldn’t be this scary if we weren’t watching a horror movie.”
everyone’s heads once again gather around mark as he read the note out loud. everyone gapes their mouth open, some covered their mouths while jeno could only stare at it in disbelief. “i guess we’ve confirmed its her.” mark breathes out, placing the sticky note on the table.
jeno reaches out to grab the sticky note to have a look. the unique handwriting that he suspected would belong to you really was yours. out of anger, he tears the sticky notes into two. everyone had their eyes widened at jeno’s sudden shocking action. mark snatches the now torn note back, looking down at them before facing jeno.
“what the heck was that for?!”
“dont talk to her anymore. she’s trouble.”
everyone lets out a sigh in unison except for mark, looking at everyone’s weird reaction. “what do you mean trouble? and why does it look like you all know something except me?” mark furrows his eyes as everyone exchanged glances continuously for a moment.
“she’s just not someone you should be with. that’s all.” jeno stands up and walks to his room, slamming the door shut and produring a piercing noise. the room was silent for awhile until mark speaks up.
“what am i missing here you guys?”
no one replies.
“we’ve been friends for a year and you guys are all keeping secrets for me?” mark scoffs in disbelief, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“we arent in the position to tell you. its jeno.” jaemin murmurs under his breath, looking down on the ground just like the others.
marks keeps silent and stands up from the couch, the palm the torn note was in is balled into a fist as he goes into his room as well.
haechan sighs. “jeno has to tell the truth. he’s been holding onto that grudge almost forever now.”
everyone nods their heads in agreement. “if not, he’s going to live in despair now that he knows she’s his best friend’s soulmate..” jisung adds on. 
everyone could only silently hope that things could go well. 
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after that day you’ve sent a reply, you havent heard from mark since. you dont know why. due to your lack of information on him, it felt as if he disappeared into thin air. although only a week has past by, you felt concerned and somewhat worried for him. did something happen to him? what made him cut off his connection with you? its not like you did anything wrong. 
out of pure desperation, you decided to skip school today. youve never skipped school before, and you felt so rebellious and bad. why did you do this? so you could go to dream high and meet mark in person. youve had enough of the sticky notes. you just wanted to see how he was like in real life, not having to think about it through notes. 
with a little help from jaemin by texting him on instagram, you knew that mark’s class should be ending by 4pm, and you were there at 3:50 in the canteen where jaemin told you to wait. funny how the security guard lets a student from another school come in with a pass or anything.
you slowly start seeing groups of students going down the flight of stairs that lead to the canteen which had a path leading to the front gates. some eyes glanced at you as they notice someone who doesnt belong at their school, you couldnt care less though. your thoughts were only filled with mark. how he looked like, how he would carry himself. your anticipation was the only thing you felt.
you wore your headphones yet you could suddenly hear a lot of squealing and shouting. you look up, turning you attention to the stairs. a large group of girls crowding around another group of people, who you assumed to be guys. you scoffed, thinking about how there’s always that one group of good looking guys all girls seem to go crazy for. you watch as the group of guys push through the large crowd.
once you got a closer look, you tilt your head to the side. you slowly bring your headphone down from your ears and let them rest on your neck, getting intrigued by how the girls were getting so crazy, even more crazy than the ones from your school.
“its mark! he’s so cute!” 
you widen your eyes as you heard the word ‘mark’. you stood up from your seat, peering your head up to find which one is the girl referring to. you only see two guys walking. one smiling sheepishly while the other kept a straight and cold face. just which one is mark?
suddenly, you felt an arm grabbing yours and pulling you back. you jump out of fear and turn around noticing it was jaemin. you calmed your breathing as you look at jaemin. 
“meet mark under the block nearby. its too hectic here for you to talk to him.”
jaemin dragged you out of the school grounds and to a secluded block where only a few students where walking past and left you there. you were lost in confusion but decided to trust whatever jaemin was doing, sitting down at a random bench.
“jaemin told us to meet him here where is-” 
“raven.”
“what?”
you immediately stood in front of the two guys you saw at the canteen as you notice a familiar face. you werent able to get a clear look at them before, but now you realise that you knew one of them. “jeno..” you look at a different direction a you tried avoiding his gaze, though you knew you couldnt, forcing yourself to meet his eyes.
mark looks at the both of you, utterly confused as his attention shifts from you to jeno constantly. “this raven?” mark points at you, tilting his head. you nod slowly as your turn your head to face mark. you observed his body up and down. he was good looking, just like jeno.. yet his aura told you that he was way more outgoing and open than jeno. 
“you look...”
everyone was silent.
you gulp in nervousness. “im busy. bye mark.” before jeno could go, mark pulled on his arm to bring him back to stand beside him, earning a glare from jeno. the one you could never forget. “stay. i know something happened. you were always quiet whenever we talked about this girl. and i also know you all kept something from me.”
you slowly turned to jeno. you could he was annoyed whenever he looked at you. you felt it through his eyes, and it was terrifying. jeno took a deep breath in, folding his arms and placing his weight on one leg. 
“if you remember clearly, chenle told you that before we became friends with you, we had a fight and didnt talk to each other for a long time. we didnt tell you this, but it was her who caused it. she brought chaos into our group. everyone forgotten about it clearly, but i cant. after what she did.. i cant forgive her.”
you opened your mouth, wanting to reply but your words were somehow stuck in your throat. you didnt exactly know what to say or do in this awkward situation.
“it.. it was a long time ago jeno, please. my feelings for you were real, even if we werent meant to be. i dont know how many times you need me to say sorry.” you pleaded, biting your lip as you waited for jeno’s reaction.
jeno sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he lets out a huff of rustration. “then why did you leave? you left me stranded, and because of you, i almost left my friends becaused i lived in agony since i missed you so much. i almost pushed everyone away.” you shivered as jeno’s voice started to raise. 
 you also glanced at mark, who still kept his confused expression on his face. through his gaze never left you as you felt his eyes scanning you body up and down. 
“you two used date?” mark asks. you nod in reply.
“we were kids. we didnt know about all this soulmate stuff. but now..” 
“you know what? be together. im not going to leave my friends just because of my pent up grudge and feelings. i cant control fate either.” 
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years had now past since you met mark. it really was fate. the two of you became close in no time and now.. you were fianally married. you couldnt be more happy to be with mark. who you were destined to be really was made for you, and you only. and to think this all escalated due to a note you sent out in pure curiosity.
you still remember what happened with jeno after that day, despite the lack of interaction between you two, jeno was open enough to accept you as his friend again. you are now living a happy life with mark, and always being able to hang out with his group of friends. today was no different. 
“haechan get the chilli sauce!” you hear mark shout as you smile widely, feeling his arm snaking around your waist to pull you close. having a barbeque was a great idea to celebrate jisung’s birthday. 
you soon see haechan with the bottle of chilli sause, placing it on the table where everyone gathered around the table which had jisung’s birthday cake. “before we do anything with the cake, let me announce my wish.” jisung announces proudly. you raise an eyebrow. “you cant say you birthday wish out loud!” you scolded jisung, but everyone laughs.
“his wish is something we all know.” jeno says, winking playfully at you. you tilt your head in confusion when you suddenly feel mark’s arm leaving you waist. you look over to mark who was shoving his hand into his pocket as if to find something.
you were completely clueless when mark nods towards jisung, to show some kind of signal. “i wish for mark and raven to get married!” jisung shouts. 
you gaped your mouth open in shock when mark pulls out a small box, opening it in front of you to show a ring. you cover your mouth in disbelief. “did you guys really-”
“please marry me, raven. my sticky note soulmate.” you hear everyone clapping s a tear of happiness drips from your cheek. you quickly wipe it away as you heard the nickname that mark gave you. “we wouldnt normally do this but it was jeno that suggested this.”
you look over to jeno who had a soft smile on his face as he nod his head. looking back at mark, you grin widely as more tears started flowing out. “of course ill marry you, you dork.”
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sunsinrinn · 4 years
Text
Do you love her? Part 3
Angst, (some) fluff, language
Bakugo x reader (past), setsuna x bakugo, Kaminari x reader
Word count- 1,756
You look at Denki shock at his sudden boldness unable to speak. Taking your silence as rejection Denki, losing his boldness, begins to stammer,
“I- I shit, I’m sorry I said that I just needed to get that off of my chest. I totally get it if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. Oh crap i messed up. I mean I cant loose you as a friend. I know you’re still getting over Bakugo but I- I should have kept quiet. I just didn’t want to keep this from you but damn i should’ve just lied about what I needed-“
You cut him off, “Denki shut your mouth and let me speak,” He immediately stops rambling and listens, “I like you too. You make me feel complete again. You manage to make me smile even when I don’t feel like smiling. I cant imagine my life without you. I want to have a relationship with you. But if we do this we need to go slow. I know you wont hurt me but I still need time.” As you finish speaking you see his eyes slowly begin to widen along with his smile.
“Oh god- I thought you’re silence meant you didn’t feel the same way oh my god I cant believe it you like me back!” He says excitedly as he wraps his arms around you. You begin to blush and hug him back. When you hug him back he whispers in your ear “I promise I will never break your heart. I will protect it with all my power and make sure you never get hurt.” You smile softly at that and say “I know, and I trust you.”
As you guys hug, outside Bakugo looks like his entire world was shattered. He had not expected you to return Denki’s feelings. In fact he expected you to have closed off your emotions. He knew now he has to try harder to steal you from Denki. He could not allow Kaminari to swoop you in. Bakugo storms away forgetting about apologizing for the moment.
Later in the day, you and Denki are found in the common area really close,laughing at each other’s jokes
“Wow Denki did you finally ask her out?” Uraraka asks jokingly, not knowing it was true.
You look over at him to see him blushing like crazy, “Yeah, my phone charger finally confessed his feelings” You say laughing softly. He looks at you blushing even more.
You Look at him like he hung the stars and Uraraka could see how much you cared for him. “So when are you taking her on a date then, lover boy?”
“I- i we are taking it slow” he manages to say, feeling slightly embarrassed.
“Ah, I see well. I hope you treat her better! Or else me and you will have some problems mister.” His eyes widen at Uraraka while you just smile. “Don’t worry about that Uraraka, I trust him” you say to her but look at him. He looks speechless at you, still not completely believing you are trusting him with your heart and love. “I promise I will protect her and never cause her harm” he finally manages to say. Uraraka just smiles believing him.
In the background, Izuku tells Shoto, “I’m glad they are together, he will really help her heal and I know he won’t hurt her.” Shoto nods before responding, “I am glad he confessed his feelings for her. I was about to do it for him.” Izuku just laughs at his response.
*A little time skip- A couple of months*
Bakugo has spent these last few months avoided the new couple disgusted at your low standard. He likes to think Denki is a rebound, someone who will keep you company until you get bored and want bakugo back. Although he is currently with Setsuna he has been close to breaking things off with her but he never does. He keeps thinking of ways to talk to you, reach out, but you have him blocked and avoid him when you’re alone.
“I will get you back y/n” he says to himself.
For you these past months have been wonderful with Denki you knew he loved you and he showed it to you. He would buy you flowers and your favorite snacks and even go shopping with you. You unconsciously compared your relationship with the one you had with Bakugo. Comparing them made you realize that bakugo never cared. He only cared in the beginning but after he stopped. He never even attempted to get to know you personally. He was only with you because you were head over heals in love with him. He was with you, not because he loved you, but he loved the idea of you being in love with him. Essentially, he only loved you because your love fed his ego.
You were foolish to think he actually cared, but Denki shows you how caring he is. Hell, he isn’t afraid to show you off or to give you affection in public. He wants you to know you are loved and that you deserve the world. He knows you are still healing but he will do everything he can to help you so you’re finally free from Bakugo.
Everyone can see how much he cares and how much he adores you. He worships the ground you walk. They also see that you are visibly happier than with Bakugo. Everyone knows that bakugo hates the relationship and they know that he hates that you can’t even look at him without being disgusted. He has somehow become colder.
Bakugo finally decides that instead of coming up with a plan he is just going to confront you. He decides to do it sooner rather than later so he no longer has to see you in Kaminari’s arms.
Days go by as you continue spending your time with Denki and others. Even now, Kirishima, mina, and Sero are cautious to talk to you. It hurts knowing you lost three friends, now they are just acquaintances. It hurts them too but they know its for the best, just in case bakugo wants to show up while you hang out with them. They are thinking they are sparing you from more pain.
Bakugo believes that full on confronting you is the way to go so he begins to avoid Setsuna. And oh boy, she pitches a fit so he reluctantly continues talking to her.
As you finish getting ready for your date with Kaminari you walk outside to wait for him. As you wait, Bakugo sees you alone and takes his chance to finally talk to you. He begins to walk out and stands behind you.
You sense someone’s presence behind you so you turn around smiling thinking its Denki. Your smile falls as you realize who it is, turning around quickly to avoid looking at him any longer.
“Y/n...” you hear him say softly but choose to ignore him so he continues, “Please y/n, I want to speak with you.” He reaches out to touch your shoulder causing you to flinch from his touch, “Don’t touch me Bakugo” you say coldly. He retracts his hand but continues, “Please, please forgive. You dont realize how much I miss you. How much I regret saying those cruel things to you.” His voice breaking as he speaks. His vulnerability almost, almost, changes your mind about him.
“Bakugo stop. We haven’t been together for months. Can’t you see I’m happier now? Can’t you understand that what you did and said really hurt me? I can’t be with you anymore.”
“Please y/n, please I still love you so much!”
You laugh at that, “You don’t love me. Do you love her?” You ask him that question for the last time.
“I don’t love her! I’m sorry I ever doubted my love for you! Please give me another chance!”
“Bakugo you don’t love me. I know you don’t. If you did, you would have never fallen for Lizard bitch Setsuna. You would have never stuck your tongue down her throat. If you love me like you claim you do, you would have fought harder for me to stay with you, not insult and degrade me and the love I HAD for you.”
He stays silent for a while, but soon speaks up, “I am so sorry for saying those things to you I was just so angry with myself for falling how Setsuna, and because I hated that you accused me of cheating. I want to make it up to you please just let me. I want a future with you by my side! I cant stand to see you happy with someone like Denki”
“You did cheat, bastard! What kind of game are you playing at Bakugo? You don’t want me unless I’m someone else’s. You don’t even know you’re being selfish right now! I am happy now but all you fucking care about is your fucking happiness! Leave me alone for fucks sake, Understand I don’t love you anymore, I love Denki and I am glad to have him in my life. He sees me as an equal and cares for my feelings.” You look back towards the door, where the hell is Denki when you need him? As you think that you seem him come outside hurriedly.
“I’m sorry I’m late- what’s going on?” Denki looks at you and bakugo. He notices your mad and bakugo looks broken.
“What happened?” He asks. You look at him and speak, “Oh nothing bakugo just came her to try and win me back.” He internally panics because deep down he’s afraid you’ll give Bakugo another chance.
“Don’t worry though. I already told him I have someone who not only sees me as an equal but also cares for me. Something he’s never done.” You smile softly at him and with that Denki’s worries are gone. He feels proud of what you said.
“Okay, well lets go y/n, we don’t want to be late for our date” and with that you hold his hand and walk off leaving bakugo behind.
Bakugo watches as the love of his life walks off happily. He knows he won’t love anyone as much as he loves you. He knows he’s going to have to live with the regret of losing someone who cared about him even when he was insufferable. That one question you always asked him will always stay on his mind, haunting him,
“Do you love her?”
The end.
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Here is Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3
A/N- with that “Do you love her?” comes to an end. I hope the ending is okay? I felt like I may have rushed it but oh well i guess...
What other characters should I write for? Any requests?
Taglist: @tspice283 , @random-fandom-girl-24
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