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magicxc · 7 months

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Call On Me

Pairings: Idris Elba x Black!Reader

Word Count: 1523

Warnings: Exhibitionism, Fellatio, Choking

BBJ Masterlist

“C’mon angel, put it in all the way.”

“Idris, it wont fit and I’m not about to make it either.”

“Just let me help you push it in, you’re not doing it right.”

“No, cause then it’ll stretch.”

“It’s elastic, so it’ll snap back.”

“We’re still here daddy, I can just get another size as opposed to destroying this one.”

“I mean if you want your jeans to fit like sweatpants, then go for it.”

“You’re so dramatic, it simply doesn’t fit, and you’ll love me either way; sweat pants or not.”

“I mean yeah, of course but it’s drip or drown; and if you're gonna be with me, then you’ve got to be drippin.”

Sometimes it’s best to ignore him. God knows I love my boyfriend, but I can’t with the shit that comes out of his mouth. It’s like somebody teleported him back to 2017 and he’s readjusting to the present life.

Albeit fashion is a big deal to Idris, I’ll give him that. But I, for one, value comfort over everything. It’s just one of those things we’ve come to meet in the middle about, though he’ll still try and rearrange my wardrobe if given the chance.

“Idris, can you add this to the ‘maybe’ pile in the corner please?”

Taking the pants from me, he neatly hangs it up in the corner of the room, uttering how even tho my clothes aren’t dripping, he can be.

“Oh my goodness,” I laugh. “Really? Tell me you’re joking.”

“Now why would I do that mhmm? In fact I remember a time when stargazing in public was on both of our bucket lists.”

“Yes, in the car or under a moonlit beach not the damn mall,” I gushed. “Idris nothing about this says private.”

“Is that not the point of PUBLIC stargazing,” he enunciated.

Ahh yes, stargazing - an act in which one can observe the many stars of the galaxy sometimes as a hobby or sometimes for scientific research. Of course our star gazing meant something vastly different. Even though we didn’t need a telescope to see them, there was still that warm and fuzzy feeling when they did appear.

You see Idris and I have a thing for code words. It’s used mostly when gossiping about people or situations. But recently it's become a fun new way for us to describe sexy times in front of others.

How real would it be to blurt out amongst your friends that you just want to take your lover home and become one with the sheets? I’m sure they’d understand but I’m not tryna let people know every time I want my back blown out. So instead we came up with a way to state our intentions without having to dance around certain words.

For example, Sunday dinners with the family goes something along the lines of 'do you want to go stargazing afterward?' Similarly to how it's socially acceptable to tell your loved ones that you and your partner are trying for a baby but not that their pussy turns into a mini day care every night; except our family hasn’t quite caught onto the the fact that neither of us so much as own a telescope; though I fear it’s only a matter of time until they do.

I’m not as sexually daring as Idris but I refuse to punk out of this. He thinks that I’ll back out of stargazing simply because we’re in a public place where people can hear us? Let's be clear, I absolutely would, but the way my competitive nature is set up, I’ll stargaze with him. Shit, he better be ready to see the milky way too, cause I’ll be damned if I don’t make him cry for me.

“You know what daddy, drop em,” I demanded, chin pointing toward his pants. “Gone ahead and give me something shiny to see.”

To say that he was shocked would be an understatement, bug eyed and eager as he runs his tongue across those juicy lips. He doesn’t let that falter him for long and makes quick work of the buckle of his pants. And my God if that action isn’t my personal little aphrodisiac.

Knees hitting the floor, I watch in awe as his dick springs free, pre cum slowly dribbling from the tip.

“You this wet already for me?” I tease. “Tell me exactly how you want it.”

“Use your mouth.”

“Nuh uh, use your words,” I insist.

“Start by getting the tip nice and drenched for me angel,” Idris lamented.

Inching closer to the head, I open my mouth and spit on it, watching intently as it trails down to the floor.

“Now what?”

Smirking, he asks me to drain his balls entirely and I work on doing just that.

Gathering the tip of his penis in my mouth, I use the wetness to help me suction him. Cheeks hallowed and teeth tucked, I make sure to maximize on his sensitivity; tongue twirling around that mini slit lined at the head.

His thighs quake ever so slightly, which only pushes me to suck in earnest, making sure to keep the tip nestled against my tongue.

Fingers cradled behind me, I lock them together, opting instead for hands free head so I can really talk my shit once we’re done.

Deciding it’s time to show some love to the rest of his lengthy member, I slow my ministrations and softly run my tongue along his shaft; tracing each thick and hardened vein - starstruck at Idris’ skin, a rich shade of chestnut.

This part always gives me some trouble, but I’m willing to sacrifice a little comfort if it means I can hear him sing for me; and quite frankly he’s not doing enough of it.

Bobbing my head steadily, it takes a minute for me to gain some traction, mouth now sliding along his dick with ease. His hips start a slow thrust and I bounce my head a little quicker, twisting from side to side as I do so.

Finally, it’s drenched enough for me to take the entirety of him, stopping only when I reach the base of his shaft. His dick is properly lodged down my throat and I do everything I can to breathe through my nose, slight gagging noises making its way past my lips.

As quiet as he tries to be, the harsh hissing that meets my ear encourages me to make quick work of him, bobbing in short, rapid successions, listening intently as his groans turn into quiet moans.

Face planted against his coily pubes, they’re trimmed to perfection, the tropical notes of his coconut body wash lingering inside my nose. The deep, onyx color glistens with a mixture of precum and spit, similar to that of stars littered against the never ending black hole of space, as they softly tickle my cheeks.

Dislodging him completely to take a much needed breath, the cool air feels icy against my drool ridden chin. Tears brimmed at my eyes and pussy clenching against fabric, this dressing room is fixing to see way more than just changing of the clothes.

“You wanna cum?” I taunted. “Make those pretty noises for me and I just might let you.”

Dick jumping in anticipation, I decide to head down south and give a little love to the overlooked - his ball sac.

Slurping them in my mouth, I swish them around, mapping over the textured skin. His girthy member sits on my forehead, wet and dripping; adding to the soaked mess down under.

I get a light hum in return and suction him to a the very fine line of pleasure and pain. A breathy moan follows and his hand soon finds itself planted at the root of my scalp.

Thankfully he cant see the smirk that lines my lips and I give his balls a few more swirls before I set them free with a loud pop.

“Haaaah”, is the desperate whine that I hear above me, but somehow I need more.

Dick once again at the bottom of my throat I remove it until I get to the very tip and slam it back down again.

“Just like that daddy, keep it up and I can make it real good for you.”

*slurp*

“What’s my name? Huh? Let these bitches know who’s making you quiver like the slut you are.”

*slurp*

“C’mon and cum for me like I know you can, Idris.”

The fingers once tangled in my hair soon find themselves wrapped around my throat, squeezing me with just enough pressure to remind me how little control I actually have here. And while it was fun while it lasted, feminism doesn't exist with his hand around my neck.

“Open wide for me angel.”

Tongue slithering past my teeth, I lay it flat for a full display, watching intently as he jerks himself to the finish line and in my mouth.

He shouts his release, a little higher in pitch than I expected, chanting my name like the prayer it is.

“Now close your mouth and swallow like I know you can,” he grunted.

#Emmy Writes #Emmy Tries #My Drabbles #Black Boy Joy #Idris Elba x Black Reader #Idris Elba x Black!Fem!Reader #Idris Elba #Black Reader #Black!Fem!Reader #Dressing Room Shenanigans

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noirsfantasy · 5 months

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On the eighth day of Christmas...

ℑ𝔱’𝔰 𝔄 𝔅𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔏𝔦𝔣𝔢

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤 ➛ Husband!Idris Elba x Black!Wife Reader

𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 ➛ Fluff

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱 ➛ 2.3K

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 ➛ It’s Christmas morning and your kids are more excited than ever for it. So excited, in fact, they decide to make you and your husband, Idris, a Christmas breakfast. However, you don’t let this minor hiccup ruin the day. You’re reminded just how much your family means to you.

𝔞/𝔫 ➛ Guys, someone please snap me outta my delusions, cuz this story had me imaginan my whole life with him. He’s such Daddy material😋 I really hope y’all like this one!

12 Days of Christmas Masterlist

It's early Christmas morning and the house is silent. I’m sleeping soundly, stealing most of the covers from Idris as he is sprawled across the majority of the bed. I begin to stir once I hear tiny footsteps approaching my room. I shift, hiding my head under the blanket when I hear the door burst open.

“IT’S CHRISTMAS! IT’S CHRISTMAS!” Our 5-year-old daughter, Heaven, shouts as she jumps on the bed, stepping on her father.

"Ah! Heaven, darling, please!" He grimaces as he's suddenly awoken from his slumber, shifting under the blanket and sitting up. He reaches out and grabs her mid-jump, pulling her into his lap. "Do you know what time it is, princess?" He questions groggily and Heaven beams brightly.

"It's Christmas time, Daddy!" She says excitedly and jumps on his lap. I hear footsteps approaching me and then the blanket is pulled away from my face. I squint as the light hits my eyes and bury my face in the pillow.

"Mommy, get up! We made you guys breakfast." Our oldest son Jason tells me, before pulling the rest of the blankets off, causing me to shiver.

"JJ, please just give us five minutes, okay?" I ask, but he shakes his head.

"The food will be cold by then, Mommy!" My heart drops at the realization and Idris and I make eye contact. He sees the stressed look forming on my face and gives me a reassuring one back, turning to the kids.

"Right, Heaven, Jason, it's still early. Why don't you give your mum and me a few more minutes to get ready and then we will be down." He offers, but they don't relent. Heaven continues to bounce up and down and Jason can't seem to contain his excitement.

"We can't, Daddy! It's Christmas! We shouldn't have to wait." His smile is wider as he can't wait to go downstairs and show us what they made. Idris groans and I bury my face again.

"Alright, alright, you monsters. Calm down for a minute." He starts as he stands up and tosses Heaven over his shoulder, making her giggle. "What exactly have you three been up to, huh? Don't tell me you've been cookin' on the stove." He peers at Jason, who smiles and shakes his head again.

"We didn't use the stove, we used the microwave! We made our own special cookies and even decorated them! Come on!" He grabs my hands, pulling me out of bed and leading us both out of the room. We exchange a horrified look, imagining the mess in the kitchen. And we've still not seen our youngest yet. Hopefully, he's asleep.

Upon entering the kitchen, the smell of burnt cookies hits us. I sigh nervously as we round the corner. The kitchen is a mess, with flour and butter everywhere! There's frosting and sprinkles smeared on the counter and an incriminating stepping stool beneath the area. Behind the island, I see two little feet sticking out. I walk over, careful to avoid any mess on the floor and see our youngest son, Luke, on the floor eating frosting from the tube. He smiles as he looks up at me.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He shouts as he stands up and hugs my legs. I begin to regret wearing shorts as his sticky fingers come in contact with my skin.

"Oh, sweetie..." I say, groaning a bit as I take everything in.

"We made a little mess... But aren't the cookies pretty?" Heaven asks, presenting a plate of holiday mush. It seems as if they'd mixed up flour, sugar, and water, and threw it in the microwave, topping it off with green and red frosting and snowflake sprinkles. Heaven and Luke look so proud of their creation and Jason is giggling to himself, obviously the ringleader and brains behind this whole operation. I try to control my temper, after all, it's too early and it's Christmas. Idris chuckles and lifts Luke up into his arms, careful not to get any icing on himself. He turns to Heaven and takes the plate from her, placing it on the counter.

"Those cookies are incredible, princess!" He says, causing all of the kids to smile. I shake my head gently and put on a smile. This was bound to happen at some point. They're kids and it's Christmas. And I can't be mad at them, they all look so proud of themselves.

"They're absolutely amazing, you guys. But..." I bend down to look Jason and Heaven in the eye. "Remember, you need to ask Mommy and Daddy if you can use the kitchen. It's not safe to do it by yourself. Okay?" They both smile and nod.

"Okay, Mommy, we'll make sure to ask next time," Jason says with a happy smile. I give them both a kiss and pat their backs.

"Now," Idris starts, "why don't you two clean up in here while I clean up your brother?" He says to our older kids. They frown a bit, groaning.

"Hey, none of that. You guys did a nice thing for Mommy and Daddy by making these pretty cookies, but you need to clean up after yourselves as well." I explain to them.

"Yes ma'am." They reply in unison. Jason grabs a broom from the closet and Heaven goes under the sink to find a sponge to clean the counters with, using her stepping stool to reach the mess. Before wiping the mess away, she drags her finger through the frosting and licks it, causing me to grimace as I watch her enjoy her work. I turn to Idris and he chuckles, before kissing my cheek.

"Be right back, love." He says, giving me a charming smile, before propping Luke up on his side. "Come here, buddy. We gotta get you cleaned off." He says as he walks up the stairs with our youngest.

I walk over to Heaven and help her wipe the counter, helping her put away the baking tray. She still tries to sneak some frosting, licking it off her fingers before wiping her hands on the kitchen towel. I shake my head at her and she giggles. Jason catches everything that was wiped off of the counter with the broom, sweeping it into the dustpan and trashing it.

"Okay, you two. You're doing such a great job at cleaning up, thank you." I say to them both, smiling down at them. "Once we're done here, how about we open some presents?" I suggest and they both cheer at the mention of presents.

"Let's open them now! Pleaseeee!" Heaven begs and I laugh to myself.

"No, we gotta wait until Dad's done cleaning up Luke, duh!" Jason says back to her, causing her to pout. She crosses her arms and frowns. I shake my head at them.

"Let's just finish cleaning up. I'm sure Daddy will be done by then and then we can start, okay?" I offer them a warm smile.

"Okay, Mommy," Heaven says, going back to cleaning. Idris soon returns with Luke following after him, in a new set of pajamas and looking squeaky clean.

"Yay! Daddy's here! Can we start now, Mommy?" She asks as she turns to me. I laugh a bit and nod.

"Yes, sweetie, we can start," I say and all three of the kids rush to the living room and sit on the floor around the tree. Idris grabs my hand and I smile at him as we both take our seats on the couch, his arm wrapping around my shoulder. Heaven spots a present with her name on it and squeals happily, turning to us with bright eyes.

"You ready to open, princess?" He asks and she nods rapidly, tearing the paper away. She gasps as underneath the wrapping paper is a black Barbie doll with a beautiful pink dress and sparkling shoes. She looks up at us with a grin, thrilled with her gift. Heaven jumps up and kisses me and her dad on the cheeks.

"Thank you, Mommy! Thank you, Daddy!" She says, hugging the gift close.

"You're welcome, baby," I say with a content smile.

"Take good care of her," Idris adds, smiling as well. Jason and Luke look at us with hopeful eyes, waiting for their turn. "Well, what are you guys waiting for? Jump in!" He says and the boys excitedly grab gifts of their own, ripping them open. Luke squeals happily as he gets a fire engine with colorful blocks that snap together and Jason gets a brand new Lego set.

The room is filled with the childish sounds of laughter and excitement as the kids open more Christmas gifts. Idris and I exchange glances, basking in the warmth of the joyous moment unfolding before us. The chaotic morning, filled with mishaps and messes, now seems like a distant memory, replaced by the pure happiness on our children's faces.

As the Christmas frenzy dies down, Idris turns to me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He reaches under the tree and pulls out a beautifully wrapped box that was hidden at the back, topped off with a bow that sparkles like freshly fallen snow.

"For my beautiful wife," He says with a warm smile, handing me the gift. I look at him with surprise, not expecting this, but accepting the gift anyway. I grin as I carefully unwrap the present. Inside, I find a stunning necklace, a beautiful chain accompanied by a pendant shaped like a snowflake, glistening with tiny diamonds. I gasp, overwhelmed by the thoughtful gesture.

"Idris!" I cover my mouth in shock and his smile grows wider as he sees my reaction. "It's so beautiful!" I exclaim, my fingers gently tracing the intricate details of the pendant. Idris beams with satisfaction, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I saw it and I thought it would be perfect for you. Like each snowflake is unique, so is my love for you." Touched by his words, I lean in and press a tender kiss to his lips. The kids all collectively cringe at us.

"Ewwww!" They shout at our display of affection, but we don't let it stop us. He puts the necklace around my neck and I move my hair out of the way to show it better.

"How does it look?" I ask, doing a little pose. Idris chuckles and takes my hand, kissing it lightly.

"Perfect, just like you." He says, causing me to blush at his words. However, not being one to be outdone, I reach under the tree and hand Idris a carefully wrapped gift of his own.

"Darling, you shouldn't have." He winks playfully. He grins like a child, tearing the paper away with eagerness. Inside, he sees a brand new watch, something he's been eyeing for a while now. He inspects the watch closely, looking both pleased and surprised. "This is incredible, Y/N. I love it."

"And I made sure the band was in your exact size, so no need to get it fitted either," I add and he looks at me adoringly. He puts the watch on, giving it a thorough look over.

"Just in the nick of time." He smiles cheekily and I roll my eyes.

"You're so cheesy sometimes, you know that?" I laugh.

"Guilty as charged, my love." He grins sheepishly. He wraps his arm back around my shoulder and gives me a kiss. After taking a break from toys and getting some breakfast, everyone does their own thing. The kids are now playing, occupied with their own little world. The only sounds that fill the room are the laughter and joy of the kids, along with the quiet murmur of Idris and my voice as we chat and relax. It's a content and cozy day.

Idris and I are still on the couch, cuddled up and watching a Christmas movie under a blanket. Eventually, Jason comes and sits next to us and Luke climbs up on Idris's lap, leaning against him. Heaven sits on the other couch, still playing with the new accessories she got with her new doll.

Luke starts to yawn adorably and Idris kisses him playfully on the head, before yawning himself. He looks at me and I stretch, yawning as well. We look over at Jason, who's fast asleep with the TV remote in his hand. I yawn again and then glance over at Heaven, who is also asleep, her head resting against the back of the couch. I smile and lean my head on Idris's shoulder, wrapping the blanket around us. The house is filled with silence, except for the soft sound of the movie on the TV.

I close my eyes, letting the sounds of the movie fill my ears. Idris's arm wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and with his other hand, he cradles Luke gently as he sleeps. With all the children peacefully snoozing, it's just me and him for this moment. It's calm, soothing and comfortable.

"I love you," Idris whispers, kissing my head softly. I smile and nuzzle into his neck.

"I love you too, sweetheart," I whisper back, before letting my eyes fall shut. I take in the warm and comfortable silence, not thinking about anything else besides the peaceful ambiance we seem to bask in right now. I know we should probably get up and put the kids in their rooms, but I don't want to disturb the peace. We've had a wonderful Christmas and I'm reminded, once again, how much I love my family.

#12 days of christmas #noirsfantasy #christmas #oneshot #fluff #black reader #black reader fluff #idris elba #idris elba x reader #black tumblr #black writers #black fem reader #family au #fine black men #black actors #black celebs #black romance #black men #family

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frostythefrostedfox · 4 months

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I don't even have a witty caption to make, y'all know this is true, stop coping, I've seen Fallout cutscenes with better animation than this show, putting same 8 characters in the same 4 locations for 23 episodes aint funny.

Boom wasn't trying to take itself seriously and that's why it was funny, but y'all doing the same shit that Boom made fun of and acting like Kojima directed the show, Idris Elba voiced Shadow and Nolan North voiced Sonic

Nine is as threathening as an Ipad kid at Walmart

Alexa Rose gave a minute long speech to a robot like it was able to understand anything.

I can already hear y'all yapping "m-muh mandates", "r-rushed production", "b-budget", how about y'all get a new argument for a change, I can watch Liar Liar every day of my life until I die and still crack my ass off laughing at it, but y'all aint Jim Carrey so get new material, please.

BTW, where is your lord and saviour Ian "Jesus" Flynn preaching his gospel? Because last I heard this man wasn't shutting his trap about how "Prime is 420% canon my dude, how? I can't tell you lol xd because it would be a spoiler, but trust me bro, I know shit... How do I know? Because I made it up like everything I say!", y'all been real quiet ever since the middest of the mid, the ultimate corporate gobslop, dropped

Sonic X wasn't the peak of the peakest-est peak-er either, but damn, it was enjoyable and consistent with itself, at least have some self awareness.

I'm glad I only saw like 2 episodes of this thing before watching S3, and guess what, I didn't needed to watch the whole thing because the exposition dump in this show makes backwatching unnecesary.

And don't think I am going to agree with the other side either, people acting like that bunch of mismatched sprites in one of the introductions killed your grandma or something, dude chill out, is a cartoon blue hedgeheg, yeah it was cringe as fuck but y'all acting like Sonic just said something like "Team Magma did nothing wrong, N was right", you can criticize something without acting like its the end of the world, stop overrreacting, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but by doing this, you aint making Sonic want to come to your birthday party.

Stop pretending this show is Edgerunners 2

Stop pretending this show is The Room 2

#sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #shitposting #sonic x #sonic prime #sonic prime season 3

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lucas-koh · 4 months

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I wrote three little fics for @mrsbsmooth for Christmas ! Happy holidays to you and ily 💞

Gold

Lewie x MC

This guy is incredibly cute. His eyes are blue and his hair is blonde—no, wait, golden —and he’s got that lean muscular figure a lot of footballers do. Sweet and handsome and charming at just one glance. She doesn’t know if she’s found someone this cute, this quickly, since Idris Elba in The Wire.

Frankincense

Bobby x MC

Unfortunately for her, or for Bobby, or for both of them; Aisling is too horny and too tipsy to not be feeling a little flustered about this position. He’s… His body parts fit nicely into hers, and he’s harder than she expected because—my god, does Bobby McKenzie have muscles? Shit. That’s the last time she drinks dark ‘n’ stormies and lets her brother’s best friend take her home.

Myrrh

Hamish x MC

He’s working her harder than she’s ever worked for him for real; he’s relentless, uncompromising, determined. Just like he is behind the desk in those glasses, chewing on that pen, spreading his legs as he leans back in his big leather wheely chair.

#litg #love island the game #love island game #litg fic rec #litg season 2 #litg s2 #litg bobby #litg fanfic #litg lewie #litg hamish #litg ff #litg s6 #litg mc

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 1 month

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youtube

New Rule: Identity Crisis | Real Time with Bill Maher

And finally, New Rule: now that we're all recovered from St Patrick's Day, let's make it the last one. You know, I never understood Irish Pride or any pride in anything other than what you've actually accomplished. And as holidays go, St Pattie's is kind of malarkey. You don't get presents like Christmas or candy like Easter or joyless appointment sex like Valentine's Day. You don't even get a Peanuts special.

There's just a parade. And what rights are we marching for? The right to drink in the day? Do we still need to take to the streets in a public expression of support for Irish migrants?

I think now more than ever we need to stop talking about the things that make Americans different from each other and start honoring the things that make us the same. So let my people, the Irish, lead the way because again, the Irish think I don't give a shit.

But, I do give a shit who wins the next election. And outdated racial pandering is one reason Democrats lose elections. When Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi put on Kente cloth, I don't think it earned them one vote for their powerful emotional ties to Ghana.

Here in California, we're now segregating kidnapping. Really. California doesn't just have amber alerts for missing children, we have ebony alerts for black children and feather alerts for Native American Kids. What is that we look for them by listening on the ground?

Look, even if you like identity politics, this kind of thing is antiquated. From 2010 to 2020, the number of people identifying as multi-racial in America went up 276 percent. One in five newlyweds now are in an interracial marriage. And that number goes up to 100% in ads for Subaru.

You couldn't do a remake of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" today because almost 100% of Americans approve of interracial marriage. Especially with rich in-laws. And 95% of white women would leave their husband to marry Idris Elba. Idris Elba who says, "As humans we are obsessed with race and that obsession can really hinder people's aspirations." Actress Raven-Symone agrees. She told Oprah, "I'm tired of being labeled. I'm not an African-American. I'm an American." She says, "I don't know what country in Africa I'm from. My roots are in Louisiana."

And you don't have to agree with that, but it's a point of view a lot of people have. It should be respected. Morgan Freeman says the way to finish off racism is, "stop talking about it. I'm going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man."

There's even a movement now to ban racial questions on the census, and many of its leaders are people of color like Professor Sheena Mason who says, "to undo racism we have to undo our belief in race."

The liberal group moveon.org formed in 1998 to urge Republicans to move on from the Clinton impeachment. Today's Democrats should move on from identity politics. It's not working. It's not working for them or for us. Democrats are hemorrhaging the very voters they think they're pandering to.

The Financial Times writes, "Democrats are going backwards faster with voters of color than any other demographic," and suggests the reason is that, "A less racially divided America is an America where people vote more based on their beliefs than their identity." Exactly. Far-left liberals are living in an old paradigm. Americans don't fit into into neat little boxes anymore.

Who has the number one country song right now? Beyonce. Lil Naz X won a country music award, and he's black and gay. And a brand ambassador for the waspiest purse in America, Coach. The biggest new star in country is Jelly Roll who was a drug dealer, then a prisoner, then a rapper and then a face tatted country music star. Not to mention a giant middle finger to the idea of staying in your own lane.

No, in America now, you're allowed to be many things all at once and that's a good thing even when it's really stupid.

Look, we're all Jelly Roll now. We're sloppy, complicated and contradictory. Two-thirds of Republican voters support weed legalization. And 41% of Democrats own or live with someone who owns a gun. Ms Marvel is Pakistani. And the winner of the last two NBA dunk contests is white. The new Captain America is black. And Spider-Man is black and Puerto Rican, just like AI George Washington.

Latinos make up half of the Border Patrol. And the name of the coolest black dude on the planet is Lenny Kravitz. Ru Paul has a ranch in Wyoming that does fracking. Really. And has a fortified compound with a bunker to die for. And somehow the leader of the Village People was straight. Really. Je just went to the YMCA to work out. And the leader of the Proud Boys isn't an old white guy he's Enrique Toreo, an Afro-Cuban. He burns crosses on his own lawn.

Caitlyn Jenner is a pro-Trump transwoman who supports a ban on trans athletes competing in women's sports. And there's even an LGBTQ organization called "Gays for Trump." And why wouldn't there be? Gays love drag queens.

Our black president was half white. And our black vice president is half Asian. And Tiger Woods is, oh we don't even have the time.

My point is, look, you're still building your politics around slicing and dicing people into these fixed categories. Democrats need to get the memo that you can't win elections anymore by automatically assuming you're going to get every voter who's not these guys.

The more you obsess over identity, the more you ignore the bread and butter issues that win and lose elections. The real issue is class, not race, and the real gap is the diploma divide. And the real future of the party and maybe democracy depends on Democrats figuring that out.

Prediction: Trump will win, because even if the Dems wanted to change course on this identity politics bullshit, there are far too many identarians who have been elected into it on that exact basis. Look at The Squad, where every single one of them is a pathological liar who plays only by identity cards.

They can't undo a decade of abandoning their core constituency, the working class, in favor of privileged woke academic elites in the span of only six months. Even if they wanted to. Not with the wingnuts still around, doing what they've been doing for years: sucking up all the oxygen and screaming about their imaginary oppression. And there's no sign they do.

#Bill Maher #Real Time with Bill Maher #identity politics #us election #us politics #democratic party #democrats #religion is a mental illness

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gyokujyn · 9 days

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Catch Up Tag Game

Tagged by @vivelarevolution13 (thank you!)

Last song I listened to:

Dance Off (feat. Idris Elba and Anderson .Paak) by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, although technically I was watching the music video because I just found out @rosduncan had never seen it and that was a travesty that could not be allowed to continue.

Last thing I read:

The last thing I read was a scholarly article about WW2, but I assume you mean: I am just starting the most recent chapter of The New Gods by @katie-delaney

Last movie I watched:

I just watched about half of The Incredibles because my kids have the attention span of small woodland creatures, but the last new movie I saw was Dune 2 and it was gorgeous.

Last TV show:

I've been watching Renegade Nell and X-Men '97 lately, but I don't think I'm up to date of either of them.

Last thing I googled:

"therapeutic touch couples counseling" because I couldn't remember the term "sensate focus" and I was writing something that I didn't even end up using it on, lol

Last thing I ate:

A honeycrisp apple and a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel sandwich.

Sweet, salty, or savory:

Um... Bitter? I love super dark chocolates, espresso, sour citrus like lime, and all kinds of bitter/sour things.

Sleep:

I wish. My cycle is all fucked up.

Currently reading:

I already linked The New Gods above. I'm also in the middle of N.K. Jemisin's The Fifth Season and I'm reading the Animorphs series to my kids (I think we're on book 4 or 5?).

NPT's: Ros and Katie, I can't tag you twice so consider yourself tagged here, too. I also think some of you may have already done this one... @blackwood4stucky @hypnxrchy @olla-kalla @sultry-rachael @thepiper0fhameln and anyone else who wants to join in, tag me so I can see!

#tag game #it me #me af

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jungle-angel · 3 months

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Outer Range x Camp Half Blood x Wizarding School Face Claims

Ok guys so the lovely @floydsmuse and I have been going back and forth about a crazy idea if the Abbott family ran a ranch that was a mix between Camp Half Blood and Hogwarts. For all you Yellowstone fans out there too, yes the Dutton gang is involved and helps with the running of the school. I couldn't help but think too that it's not just the Olympians that come to the school or have kids here, oh hell no!! We've got a ton who have come from across the globe, so check these out (lol, I apologize, I'm a giant mythology nerd so prepare yourselves for this weird ass thing). Some may or may not have taken on the role, so be forewarned (lol).

The Gods and Goddesses (Face Claims)

The Olympians

Zeus-Sean Bean

Hera-Jennifer Connelly

Demeter-Erica Cerra

Hestia- Melina Kanakaredes

Poseidon-Kevin McKidd

Hades-Clive Standen

Athena-Brie Larsson

Aphrodite-Natalie Dormer

Hephaestus-Alex O'Laughlin

Ares-Wyatt Nash

Apollo-Chris Evans

Artemis-Rose McIver

Hermes-Jake Picking

Dionysus-Diego Luna

The Egyptians

Isis-Gal Gadot

Hathor- Naomi Scott

Osiris-Mido Hamada

Anubis-Markus Hamilton

Horus- Mena Massoud

Ptah-Charlie Rawes

The Orishas (Nigeria)

Yemaya-Angela Basset

Shango-Winston Duke

Obatala-Idris Elba

Oya-Ayo Edebiri

Aja-Gugu Mbatha-Raw

Ochosi- Daniel Kaluuya

Oshun-Lupita Nyongo

Eshu Elegba- Denzel Whittaker

Ogun-Jeremy Sample

The Mayas, Aztecs and Incas (DO NOT ASK ME TO PRONOUNCE ANY OF THESE, lol)

Ixtlilton-Danny Ramirez

Ix Chel-Salma Hayek

Chicomecoatl-Gina Rodriguez

Quetzalcoatl-Oscar Issac

Inti- Christian Meier

Mama Killa-Magalay Solier

Mama Qocha-Claudia Llosa

The Celts and the Norse

Brigid-Jesse Buckley

Thor-Chris Hemsworth

Loki-Tom Hiddelston

Hel-Katie McGrath

Cerridwen-Eve Hewson

Neith-Jaime Dornan

Odin-Anthony Hopkins

Frigga-Rene Russo

Freya-Whitney Hoy

Freyr-Domnhall Gleeson

Gods and Goddesses of Asia

Kali-Zoe Saldana

Saraswati-Ashwariya Rai

Lakshmi-Lara Dutta

Guan Yu-Daniel Day Kim

Mazu-Gemma Chan

Uzume-Awkwafina

Mayari-Angel Locsin

Xiwangmu-Michelle Yeoh

The Jade Emperor-Ken Wattanabe

Zhurong (Chong Li)-Harry Shum Jr.

Native American and Polynesian

Kamohoaliʻi-Jason Momoa

Maui-Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Hi'iaka-Lindsay Watson

Pele-Mapuana Makia

Spider Grandmother (Navajo)-Lily Gladstone

Sena (Inuit)-Anna Lambe

Grandfather-Wes Studi

Grandmother-Tantoo Cardinal

Tó Neinilii-Dallas Goldtooth

Disclaimer: THIS IS ONLY FOR THE STORY. NO DISRESPECT IS INTENDED AT ALL!!!!!!

#outer range #rhett abbott #rhett abbott x reader #outer range x camp half blood au

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chris-aok · 29 days

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American Kaiju Films

Growing older sometimes means discovering you're into things you weren't into before. This is the case for me and American kaiju films.

I want to be clear that I understand the thematic reasons why Japanese kaiju movies are better. Japanese Godzilla ostensibly isn't about Godzilla: It's about a great many things including but not limited to the devastation caused by nuclear weapons. American Godzilla by comparison is a spectacle of big monsters fighting each other and I'm here for it.

I had seen Godzilla (1998) and while I liked a few songs from the soundtrack, I never really felt any great attachment to the film or the genre after seeing it.

I remember enjoying Pacific Rim (2013) and finding it had moments of bad-assery in equal measure to its moments of ridiculousness (I blame Charlie Day). It also had a very memorable line from Idris Elba's character: "Today, we are cancelling the apocalypse!" Epic. I'm really glad Guillermo del Toro made it.

I think I started taking the genre seriously with the first instalment in the MonsterVerse: Godzilla (2014). It was dark, serious, and everything was menacing (As it should be: We're dealing with creatures that could wipe us out.) Also, Godzilla looked permanently pissed off: I loved it.

I honestly didn't expect to enjoy Kong: Skull Island (2017), but I did. Kong is a bad-ass. The backdrop of the Vietnam war was an interesting choice as well.

Kong has since been my favourite of the two "main" kaiju protagonists. He's more interesting as a character than Godzilla and I think the studios know it too because the latest instalment, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024) is a Kong-centric storyline and Godzilla feels like more of a supporting character in it.

I think the franchise has gone completely off the rails at this point and the plots in the latest instalments are ridiculous, but who cares? We just want to see big monsters fight and these movies do not disappoint in that regard. The people have spoken and this is what we want to see. Like Werner says: "Do not avert your eyes."

youtube

#post #godzilla #kong #monsterverse #king kong #movies #film #cinema #kaiju #godzilla x kong: the new empire #Youtube #godzilla x kong: the new empire 2024

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royallyprincesslilly · 1 year

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Title: The Gods' Arena of Pleasure 1 {Two-Shot}

Superman/Clark Kent/Kal-El x Reader/OFC Bia Dess

Warning: Action, Fighting, Mild Cursing, Backstory Heavy

Words: 4.7k

Synopsis: The city is under yet another attack and guess who comes to the rescue--The Justice League. With their muscle and brawn, and Bia Dess’ brains this new threat doesn’t stand a chance.

Note: It has been a minute since I’ve written anything Superman/Clark Kent/Kal-El. Hell, anything Henry related. I may be rusty, so bear with me and accept my apologies beforehand. I think this is a one shot. At the time of writing this “note”, which is prior to actually writing the story, I am calling it a two shot. We’ll see. Hehehehehe! Also, I had the hardest time deciding what to call him. I am deadest on getting rid of Clark completely and going with Kal-El. Thoughts?

***ALSO, ROUND HERE SUPERMAN HAS AND WILL ALWAYS BE HENRY CAVILL UNLESS HE BECOMES IDRIS ELBA!!!! (I SAID WHAT I SAID)***

As always, thank you for reading. I appreciate it.

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

***Slightly Interactive***

"Again, Superman has just taken out the legs of this massive, massive alien that looks like some electronic tripod. This is unbelievable!”

From the television in the packed cafe, you and tens of other people gasped and gawked at the coverage. Superman took a bone shattering hit from the alien figure and was sent at least twenty feet back but in seconds he was zipping through the air right back at it to return the favor and then some. His laser eyes beamed through the creature making it roar out in evident pain. The ground violently shook, and everyone screamed and tried to hold on to something.

While those around you panicked, a thought occurred to you. For its scream to affect the Earth's surface, that told you that this could work to defeat it. Just then you watched the rest of the Justice League sans Aquaman rally around Superman each doing their part to take down the tripod adjacent creature.

Another ear-piercing scream shook the cafe and everyone around you exclaimed showing their fear at the current turn of events.

"Oh my god, look!"

Everyone pressed close to the window and watched as a second and third tripod creature fell from the sky, each confronting a different justice league member. The one before Diana immediately went into action shooting a laser beam at her. Every molecule in your body fired up craving action. You almost wanted to run out the door and join the fight and you didn’t know why.

Diana crossed her wrists in front of her blocking the beam with her Thymescarian crafted wrist guards. The beam ricocheted right back to the creature making an impact. Its deafening screech pierced the air and everyone including you covered your ears. The internal anguish you felt was powerful. It felt as if your eardrums vibrated threatening to rupture but the effects went deeper than that. Your internal organs quivered like a hand gripped each of them and squeezed. The effects were sudden but only lasted a moment for you but looking around at the others in the café you realized they were still being affected.

A thought hit you then, "They’re vulnerable to their own weapons," you rushed out. Without thinking, you hurried out of the cafe and into the streets. Pressing your phone to your ear, you called your assistant Vicara.

“Vee here.”

“Vee,” you began but was cut off by another screech from one of the creatures.

“Holy shit, tell me you’re not in town square right now!”

“I’m in town square right now.”

“Jesus Bia, get outta’ there. Aren’t you seeing this fight between Justice League and these creatures?”

“Vee take a breath and listen to me,” you shouted.

Across the street something crashed into the structure creating a large explosion sending rubble everywhere. You dived behind a car, covered your head and beared down hoping not to get crushed by the large pieces of rock that rained down.

“Hello? Hello? Bia!”

“I’m here. Listen, these things effect the Earth’s surface. The soundwaves they produce they use as a weapon. From what I’ve put together so far, they not only alter the tectonic plates under us, but internal organs.”

“No way! That’s so cool,” Vee marveled.

“Right! If they affect the surface like this what’s so say we can’t use that against them.”

“Bia, that’s genius.”

“I know, I thought of it.”

It wasn’t meant to sound egotistic at all, it was just a matter-of-fact statement. For some reason you felt you came up with many genius ideas in a short amount of time.

“If you were so much of a genius maybe you could figure out where you come from once and for all,” Vee teased.

“Low blow, Vee. I need you to run the scans and tests of this area and find me a Hail Mary.”

“The square has changed so much I need an arial,” Vee informed.

You looked around the barren and disheveled streets that no doubt would take weeks to clean up trying to find something you could use. In the distance closer to the fight than you liked, you saw a skyscraper that would be perfect.

“Of course,” you muttered unenthusiastically.

“What?”

You sighed, peeled off your blazer, examined the heels you wore trying to decide if they would hold up, then you began running right toward the fight like someone who had a death wish.

“I’ll get you the arial. Give me ten minutes.”

Just as Vee was telling you not to do what she thought you were doing, you ended the call and picked up the speed. Your entire being woke up feeding on the adrenaline coursing through you. While others would be apprehensive charging into a practical battlefield, you weren’t. A mechanical tentacle collided with the pavement a few feet in front of you creating a deep crater.

It was so close to you that you didn’t have enough time to stop. Quick calculations gave you another route, but it involved some athleticism. Without thinking, you jumped into the air then came down onto the hood of an abandoned car to bounce off of it and over the thinnest part of the tentacle. Once your feet were firmly back on the ground you took off again hoping to get to the building soon.

When you were close to the door a body fell from the sky ruining the entrance.

“Oh my god.”

Again, you didn’t think, you bolted to the body, climbing over rocks, beams and turned over cars. As you got to them, they sprang up sending a piece of cement into the air and several feet away.

“Son of a--,” Diana groaned.

“Are you okay?”

Her head snapped to you and your eyes locked. Diana cocked her head to the side as she took you in. Every time you saw her there was something familiar about her, something that didn’t feel as if she were a stranger.

“Bia? What’re you doing here?”

You took a few steps to her, “I need to get to the top of this building.”

“Why? This is no place for you. It’s dangerous.”

“I gathered but I may have a way to end these things.”

Diana’s attention zeroed in then. “How?”

You quickly explained your theory to her trying to keep the science bit of it minimal. You found she was intelligent enough to grasp the concepts but there were times you’d gotten deeply technical and lost her. When you finished, she looked impressed.

“And you came up with this in how long?”

“2 or 3 minutes,” you nonchalantly replied.

Diana scoffed then smiled. “Always impressive Bia. My people would love a quick, resourceful and seemingly fearless woman like you.”

“The Amazonians?”

She nodded. Saying the word gave you another sense of familiarity but you shook it off.

“What do you need from us?”

The creature screeched again. Both you and Diana cringed but didn’t cover your ears. She looked bothered but not to the core as the others in the café. Interesting you thought. “You’re already doing it. Oh, and one of its weaknesses is its own weapons. Use them against it.”

Diana nodded then took off in one mind boggling leap and bound that shot her into the sky.

“Wow.”

After climbing over the rest of the rubble, you ran into the building to the elevator banks. It probably wasn’t a good idea seeing that it was possible to get trapped but it would take way too long to run up possibly a hundred flights of stairs. You may not have known where you came from, but you knew for certain you were not Superman. Once in the elevator, you pressed the top floor and took the ride.

Halfway up, the building shook and the elevator stopped startling you.

“That’s not good.”

The elevator doors opened as the lights flickered. Wasting no time, you ran out in search of the stairwell, and it was then a call from Vee came in.

“Yeah Vee.”

“All tests and scans look optimal. Your theory will work.”

“Have you made the preparations with Terra?”

“All I need are those ariels.”

“I’m still working on that.”

You took off climbing up the stairs two at a time. You didn’t even focus on the number of them you climbed you just registered every turn. Round and round you went, when one flight was climbed you tackled the next in an endless loop. Before long, you’d zoned out completely. Though your muscles were beginning to burn and your back aching you continued. By the time you got to the top floor you were winded and almost ready to pass out.

Your heartrate returned to normal within a few moments. you then ran out onto the roof nearly falling on your ass when you realized just how closely the fight was happening to where you were. A fireball zoomed past your head arching over the building and colliding with the one beside you. Thus started a domino effect as the building went down on another and so on and on.

“Shit!”

It took a few moments for you to recover. When you did you scurried to the edge of the building and dug into your pocket pulling one of many devices you carried with you at all times. Tapping a sequenced code into its exterior brought the drone, Dot, that was no bigger than the length of your finger alive. Using your phone, you tapped into the drone and entered the coded instructions.

Dot purred indicating it had understood the command and was ready to comply. You raised your hand into the air and watched it take flight. With the implant in your behind your ear you were able to see what it saw. It enabled you to work faster as you got data instantaneously. As you took the ride with Dot you kept close eye on your wristwatch that relayed the date readings.

Soon you had an aerial view of the fight. Superman shot rays out his eyes which only made brief impact with one of the creatures before it self-sealed the wound. He and Diana were taking turns working together to confuse them. Diana swung her lasso wrapping it around one of them. She used the side of a building as leverage to withstand the strength of her opponent. Another ray shot out of the creature, but Superman zoomed so fast through the air that you lost sight of him momentarily. All that remained was the red and blue blur of his suit.

When you saw him next, he’d slammed into the electronic being sending it off balance. The beam it shot went right through the second creature’s head. As it dropped on top of a building you shot your hands into the air and cheered seeing your theory was correct. All the attention turned to you then. Several smaller drones were released from the hull of the creatures, and they all took flight toward you.

“Shit!”

Making quick work of the next commands to Dot you paid closer attention to the data coming in while keeping an eye on the incoming swarm moving toward you. Unwaveringly you focused on the task at hand. Sometimes you didn’t know if the way your brain regulated danger and fear was a blessing or a curse. It allowed you to stay calm under pressure and work faster, it also woke you up making you feel like you used more of your brain than humanly possible. Fear and danger did different things to you than it did to others you realized.

The first drone reached you ready for attack. you dipped down grabbed a stray welded bar and swung sending it flying through the air.

“Huh. I imagined that should have been harder.”

Shrugging, you went back to your watch. The data you wanted was coming in and your excitement picked up. A sharp sting of pain caught you off guard. You’d gotten so caught up in the date that you didn’t register the remaining drones closing in for the kill. You swung the bar again but missed and all of them went in for the kill.

Suddenly, a beam of red light went through all of them at once, dropping them.

“Ms. Dess, funny meeting you here of all places,” Superman said.

“Ha. You know me.”

He smiled. “You really shouldn’t be up here. It’s dangerous.”

“Oh, I get that, but I need this data to end this once and for all.”

“Diana has told me your theory. Do you think it will work?”

“I more than think. I’m never wrong and this data I’m seeing proves it.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Don’t let that thing interrupt me or Dot.”

“Dot?”

You pointed to your drone overhead and he nodded.

“Understood.”

With that he rocketed into the air and back to the two remaining creatures joining the fight with Diana. You zeroed in on what you needed to do, then called Vee.

“It’s coming in hot Vee. Get it done.”

“Got it. I’ll need five minutes.”

“Your get two.”

“So bossy!”

You tapped into your watch trying to connect your implant to Terra, one of many disks you’d submerged into the earth’s surface around the world. If everything went smoothly, you’d be able to communicate with Dot and Terra at the same time to open the sinkhole. The pressure and gravity would take care of the rest while the machinery went haywire making them self-combust taking each other out. It was a flawless plan.

“Now, Bia!”

You took a deep breath and initialized the connection. Connecting subdural with one device took control but two simultaneously took strength and power. It always put you on your ass for a few hours afterward. It wasn’t pretty. You took a deep breath then went in. The electrical surge that coursed through you made your body tremble, so you exerted some more control to override impulse.

Gritting your teeth, you proceeded to link the connection with Dot and Terra logging your consciousness into them to input the commands in. Long minutes ticked away and every one of them had an impact. You’d tested this for years and had only been able to sustain it for minutes tops.

“Four minutes, Bia. Get out now or you’ll fry your brain.”

Ignoring Vee, you dug deeper. You could hear fighting around you and knew Superman was probably holding the tide of new drones back.

“I have you,” Superman grunted.

For some reason, you felt secure knowing that.

��“Bia your vitals are plummeting. Get! Out!”

“Al—most there.”

Terra’s command center complied then connected to the others around the city. They were charging up to centralize the shock to your location. It was critical you got the coordinates precise. You’d have hell to pay with the Governor if you sank town square. Suddenly an image took over your mind. You were in a field of grass overlooking a cliff at the ocean. All around you, you heard battle cries, swords clashing, armor colliding together then the yodeling came. It sounded like tens, no hundreds of voices coming together as one making a war cry that brought tears to your eyes. You turned realizing then you were wearing golden armor over one of your shoulders, golden corseted armor across your bodice, thigh high boots and held a sword in one hand and a massive staff in the other.

“Bia!”

You dropped to one knee and recognized the strong coppery taste in your mouth. Blood.

“You’re crashing!”

Finishing the computation, you sent the order to execute.

“It’s done.”

Suddenly the ground around you trembled and broke apart. As the earth crumbled a sinkhole about a mile in radius opened up and down the creatures went. As they dropped their screech echoed around sending nearly all living mortal things to their knees. You gritted your teeth as your brain rattled. Again, you were transported back to that field. Before you, hundreds of women had their weapons raised yodeling. These were faces you recognized but didn’t know, faces of people you knew. You must have because the warmth rushing through you felt awfully like affection, pride and joy. You knew this place.

Pain ricocheted through your midsection as you were hoisted into the air. A tentacle wrapped around your stomach and pulled you over the ledge of the building. It slowly registered that you were falling and being dragged along for the ride with one of those tentacled bastards. The sinkhole was getting closer and closer.

“Fuck!”

You were spent from your connection with the drones and had no more fight. Looking up, you saw Superman beaming down to you with his arm outstretched. As everything went in slow motion, you reached for him, but your hands didn’t touch. You remained just out of reach. His eyes glowed red and you closed yours not wanting to see your end. You could feel the shift in your surroundings. The coolness around you told you that you’d entered the earth’s surface.

The rest seemed to happen within seconds. The heat of fire against your back made you scream out and squeeze your eyes tighter. It would be over soon you told yourself. Not a bad way to go out you thought. You’d done some good. Another image came to mind, and it was of you falling into murky water a color that you’d never seen before. It looked otherworldly. As you sank into it you smiled. A wave of calm took over though you should have felt terror. You knew you were courting death. Strong arms wrapped around you as the tight squeeze around your midsection subsided. Strong wind whipped across your skin and through your hair and with every few seconds it got colder.

“Ms. Dess. Ms. Dess? Can you hear me?”

Lite taps across your cheeks had you fluttering your eyes open. Deep azure ones peered back at you with so much concern.

“Superman?”

He sighed and the wrinkles in his brow evened out.

“Thank god, I thought we lost you there.”

You looked around you realizing you were among the clouds.

“Oh my god.”

“Hold tight, I’ll have you back on solid ground in a few,” Superman said.

You obeyed and wrapped yourself tightly against him realizing then your legs were also wrapped around him quite intimately. He must have realized it at the same time you did because you felt his muscled frame tense as he cleared his throat and rocketed through the air. Once he put you on solid ground your knees buckled but you never crashed to the ground because Superman’s arms were around you again.

“Are you all right?”

“I just need my lab,” you panted.

“Care for another ride?”

You nodded as he picked you up once again and took off. This time you drifted off unable to fight the crash of your system.

~~~~~~

-Two Days Later-

You gasped for air as you bolted upright. It all was blurry but through the blur you could make out familiar things. The steady beep of the machine said your vitals were mostly back to normal. Slowly your sight returned to normal and when it did you saw you were still hooked up to and IV.

“Uggh.”

You yanked the needle out of your arm and pulled the leads off of your body which sent the monitors into chaos. Within seconds the door busted open and in stormed Vee.

“Jesus Christ. Finally, you’re awake.”

“Finally?”

You swung your legs over the edge of the bed and stood.

“Yes finally. You’ve been out for a long time,” Vee clarified.

“How many hours this time?”

You walked out of the room toward the pit.

“Forty-Eight.”

You stumbled and spun around to her. “2 days?”

“Yep. 2 freaking days. You were dead to the world and going through some very creepy metamorphosis might I add.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come, I’ll show you,” Vee finished leading the way to the pit where you usually huddled around every device you owned and created. It was the information center of your lab.

Once there you checked a few computers wanting to find out the status of town square.

“Has the Governor demanded my head yet?”

“No. Superman and Wonder Woman are taking all the blame.”

You looked at her in shock. “Really?”

She nodded then beamed a recording from the pad she held in her hands to the massive screen in the front of the room. The video began with Superman laying your shivering body down then your trusted medical team pouring in to attach every device to your body. As they did, none of the readings made any sense. The lights flickered, machines went out of whack then stopped working and had to be replaced three time.

As they worked to stabilize you, you thrashed across the bed, screamed, and fought against yourself. It almost looked like you were possessed or going through some metamorphosis as Vee had said. The video progressed with your vitals never stabilizing. They went from dangerous to impossible for the human body. Several times through the video for it to make sense you should have flatlined. When you were left alone the audio picked up your mumblings, conversations with yourself in a language you didn’t know. One word in particular stuck out. You paused the video and replayed it over and over.

“Matpa.”

“What the hell is that?”

Suddenly the answer came to you as if you’d known it your entire life.

“Sword.”

Vee stared at you as if you’d grown another head. “How do you know that?”

You shrugged because you genuinely had no clue how you knew it, but you were sure of it.

“What if you’re going through a memory that your subconscious has repressed? What if the only way for you to have access to it is in an unconscious state after massive cerebral shock?”

That sounded plausible. For the first time in years, you felt hope. You didn’t know anything about who you were beyond your name and even that you weren’t sure about. Bia didn’t ring a bell; it didn’t feel like you. Sure, you’d made it your own over the years, but it only felt like a piece of you.

“We should try it out,” you suggested.

“What! No! Bia in order to try that out we have to replicate the same conditions you were under.”

“Okay, we can do it.”

“No! You were in a neural connection with 2 drones for over seven minutes. You were near brain dead Bia.”

“I have you here this time.

The ring of a bell paused your conversation.

“Who’s that?”

Vee put on the surveillance feed and standing at the lab entrance was Superman himself—well Clark Kent 2.0 to be exact.

“It’s damn he sure cleans up nice,” Vee said making you laugh.

“I’m going to change you can let him in and bring him to my office.”

You walked away back to the room you’d woken in and went through the clothes you left there for nights you worked late. Deciding on a sky-blue ankle-length suit that hugged every curve you proceeded to clean yourself up a little and change. By the time you walked out and made it to your office, he’d been waiting for a little over ten minutes.

“Mr. Kent, funny meeting you here of all places,” you said as you walked in and around to your desk.

Once in front of him, you watched his eyes rake over your body before coming back to your face. Bold, you thought.

“Ms. Dess.”

“Or should I call you Mr. El?”

He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “If this were Krypton maybe but on Earth, I’m Clark. You know that.”

“I must say I think I prefer Kal-El.”

“Why?”

“It rolls off the tongue better, and suits you better.”

your eyes lingered while your speech faltered. He looked in thought.

“I’m here to check on you. Are you all right?”

You held your arms out then spun for him. “Quite alright. thank you.”

“You don’t have one scratch or burn on you. Impressive.”

“I’ve always been a good healer.”

He nodded and then you decided you’d call hi, Kal-El.”

“We may be on Earth, but I prefer Kal-El.”

You came around and leaned against the front of your desk. “What can I help you with today, Kal-El?”

He studied you longer. The look on his face was not an annoyed one, or a confused one. It was a pleased look. He was pleased.

“Without you a few days ago I think things would have gone very differently. I’m here to thank you.”

You smiled then nodded, “Always happy to help.”

Silence returned to the room and neither of you rushed to fill it with words. Since you’d gotten to know of him then about him over the years, it had been like this. There was always this easy silence and comfort between you that never felt off.

“Even if it does put your life in danger,” he said making no effort to hide the displeasure in his tone.

“I do nothing more than you or the other meta-humans. Do what you can to save who you can. What makes me any different?”

“You’re not a meta-human. You don’t have super speed, or strength of electricity, or even control over water. You are defenseless.”

He almost sounded worried.

“I may not have any of those things but in no way am I defenseless.”

He cocked his head to the side as he took you in some more. “I have never known someone so—fearless, so brave. It is impressive—you’re impressive.”

Your eyes lingered on his and something strange happened then, your heart did a double beat. You clapped your hand over your chest, but it only happed once. He lurched to you with his hand outstretched.

“Are you all right?”

He was beside you with his hand at the midway point of your back. His scent circled you and immediately reminded you of Bergamot, Cedar, and clean linen. The heat radiating off of his body was so intense your body instantly reacted. You felt the hairs along your body stand on ends, the oxygen in your lungs being sucked out and your entire body tingle and hum. It was the strangest thing you’d ever felt, but oddly enough it wasn’t off-putting.

“I’m—I’m—all right.”

“Are you sure? Sit for a moment.”

He ushered you to a seat then kneeled in front of you peering into your eyes with so much tenderness you could have cried.

“I’m okay.”

He did not look convinced, but he did not press you further.

“I think it’s because I haven’t eaten in two days.”

“Okay. Let me take you to lunch. Or we could eat here, and you could show me your latest projects.”

You smirked at his sweetness. “I accept, but I have a better idea for a location.”

You smirked at the questioning look he gave you no doubt trying to figure out what you had up your sleeve.

To Be Continued.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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thatboomerkid · 27 days

Text

Happy Hunting, Mister the Frog! (part one)

[interior: the New York Continental, mid-day; it is full of badass assassins in fancy suits all quietly going about their business]

[the camera pans the lobby to show that the crowd is also inexplicably interspersed with various Muppets: Rolf is playing piano, Scooter is a bellhop, Link Hogthrob is talking on a cellphone while surrounded by beautiful female bodyguards, and Sam Eagle is reading a newspaper with the headline “PROFITS?!?”, all while Uncle Deadly & Sweetums chat casually with a group of heavily-tattooed men]

[the crowd is ALSO full of random celebs not otherwise featured in the John Wick movies: Zendaya, Mark Ruffalo, Weird Al, Jenna Ortega, Snoop Dogg, Jack Black, Margot Robbie, Randall Park, Paul Rudd, Nicholas Cage, Lucy Liu, Christopher Walken, Tommy Chong, and Lady Gaga, among others]

[meanwhile, we see Dr. Bunsen Honeydew exchanging a massive dufflebag full of comically-oversized guns for a small black briefcase (which Beaker then immediately drops several times, allowing the chickens stuffed inside to escape) while the Electric Mayhem arm-wrestle John Cena; we can see Statler & Waldorf heckling a group of angry Yakuza from their theater box in the background ]

Bell: (chimes as the door opens)

Kermit: (trudges in, visibly annoyed and wearing a black suit & tie; he has a large, cartoonish white X-shaped bandage on the left side of his forehead)

Fozzie: (wanders in behind him, loudly eating popcorn out of a little red-&-white-striped box; he is openly ogling both the scenery and the patrons)

Fozzie: Oh wow! Kermit, look! This place is great! They have EVERYTHING! Did you see the luggage carts!? (pause) Ooh, are these people all really … you-know-whats?

Kermit: Everyone has a vocation, Fozzie. These are all just regular people, just like anybody else.

Fozzie: Wow! And I guess your old college roommate John Wick told you about this place, huh? Hey, did anyone ever tell you that the two of you look totally identical? Especially with your new haircut!

Kermit: Uh, Fozzie, can you keep it down? I think people here can be a little … touchy.

Fozzie: (fondling a confused Idris Elba’s tie while looking over his shoulder to read his cellphone) Sure thing, Kermit!

Kermit: (audible sigh)

Everyone: (begins whispering as Kermit trudges across the lobby; he arrives at the empty front desk and rings the bell)

Kermit: Fozzie, will you stop that?

Fozzie: (snapping pictures of an annoyed Rihanna on his disposable camera) Sorry, Kermit! (snaps another picture)

Kermit: (grumbles, rings the bell several more times) Hello?

Gonzo & Rizzo: (pop up from behind the desk in perfect unison) Checking in, Mister the Frog?

Kermit: (even more visibly annoyed) Guys, what are you doing here?

Rizzo: We work here now!

Gonzo: Yeah! The High Table said we’re their new most-dependable employees!

Winston: (leaning out of his office) I said most disposable.

Rizzo: That’s right! And no funny-business on Continental grounds, buddy! Or I get to spray you with the fire extinguisher! The boss said so!

Winston: (leaning out of his office again) I most certainly did not.

Statler: What’s that? No funny-business!?

Waldorf: Well, that certainly won’t be difficult!

Statler & Waldorf: OHOHOHOHO!

Kermit: Look, guys, I just need a room. My house got blown up. Again.

Fozzie: Yeah, guys! Also? Kermit here is gonna avenge my death!

Kermit: Fozzie, stop telling everyone that I’m going to avenge your death. I think you really scared that poor Uber driver.

Rizzo: Right! ‘Cuz everyone knows he’s gonna avenge Piggy’s death first!

Kermit: What? Who? No, no I am not.

Gonzo: (putting on 3D glasses) Ooh, a flashback!

[flashback begins]

Miss Piggy: (dramatically flinging herself onto a bed) Oh, Kermie! I’m dying!

Kermit: Uh … well, no. I mean, I’m sure lots of people get banned for life from Shoes 4 Less, honey. It’s probably … fine?

Miss Piggy: (wailing, kicking) NO! SHOES! NOOO!

Kermit: If it bothers you so much, maybe … uh, just try not punching all the security guards in the face so much next time?

Miss Piggy: No! NO! My life is OVER! I’m buying you the cheapest dog they have and then I’m DYING!

Kermit: uhh

Miss Piggy: (wailing)

Kermit: (slowly backing out the door) … Okay well I’m gonna go fold some socks and I’ll leave you to it.

Miss Piggy: (suddenly sitting up) And you better not kiss any other beautiful women after I’m dead, frog.

Kermit:

Miss Piggy: (dramatically slams herself back on the bed; wailing resumes)

[flashback ends]

Fozzie: And I’m the dog!

Rizzo: Cool!

Kermit: No you are not.

Gonzo: Ooh, that was a great flashback! Can we see the part where you learned karate and high-speed stunt-driving?

Kermit: No! And I’m not avenging anyone’s death!

Rizzo: Ohhh, right, right, right! Sure, sure, I gotcha! You’re “not” avenging “anyone’s” “death”! Of course, why didn’t you say so!? I got just the guy!

Gonzo: (pulls out a megaphone) Attention, all Continental guests! Attention, all scary Continental guests! Sommelier to the front desk, please! Sommelier to the front desk! The world’s most dangerous frog is now purchasing several very large guns!

Kermit: (visible anger)

Swedish Chef: (crashes though a door behind the front desk, stirring a giant pot full of bullets that fly everywhere) Hurdy yurdy, Meester dee Frog! Needin’ der guns fer de pewty-pew, shooty-boom-boom?

Rizzo: He wants to know who the target is.

Gonzo: Tell him it’s me! I wanna see what he would recommend!

Swedish Chef: (begins rummaging under the desk; pulls out a bazooka, a katana, a spike-covered accordion, and a big black cartoon bomb — already lit — with the word ‘BOöMBb’ written on it in giant white letters) Hokey-hinkey Mistier dee Froög! Skirben der moo frinkie shootie all der baddies, ya?

Rizzo: He says it comes with a bayonet and three laser-sights, but it’ll cost you extra.

Fozzie: (playing with nunchucks) Oh wow, Kermit! You could probably “not avenge” the whole city with all this stuff!

Gonzo: (brandishing flamethrower) Or the entire nation of Portugal! Twice!

Kermit: (exasperated groan) Look, I’m not “not avenging” anyone! And especially not the nation of Portugal!

Gonzo: Not even once?

Kermit: NO.

Rizzo: (tossing several ninja stars over his shoulder) Pfft. Not with that attitude, you’re not!

Kermit: Now are you gonna rent me a hotel room, or is that the one thing this place doesn’t have?

Daniel Craig: (standing behind Kermit) Ah, I beg your pardon? I am ALSO checking in? I was told that there were several, ah … dozen murders in need of investigation?

Kenneth Branagh: Ah! Oui, and I was told zee same thing?

Benedict Cumberbatch & Robert Downey Jr: (simultaneously) As was I. (scowl at one another)

Scooter: (arriving from nowhere) If you’ll follow me, gentleman? I’m afraid you’re in our “committing” section; the “solving” section is right over here.

(crowd of detectives departs)

Fozzie: (takes several photos of them)

Keanu Reeves: (walks up wearing a cheap fake mustache and glasses) Um, excuse me? I would ALSO like to check in; my name is, uh … Chlon. Uh … Chlon Ww… Glick. Chlon Glick. I’ve never been here before.

Rizzo: You again? Get out of here, buddy! This place is only for real cool guys with tattoos and tragic pathos! Go be a nobody loser some place else!

Keanu: (leaves)

Rizzo: Jeez, what is with that guy?

Gonzo: I like him! He taught me a cool pen trick! Watch! (jams pens in his “ears”)

Scooter: Ahem! Your room is ready, Mister the Frog. You’re in our “tortured path of self-destructive revenge” suite!

Gonzo: (now with like thirty pens jammed into his face) Ooh, that’s the best one!

Scooter: No, you’re thinking of the “self-destructive path of torturous revenge” suite. This one’s a dump.

Fozzie: Does it have a minibar?

Scooter: It does … not. And it’s next to two different ice machines. (checks clipboard) Make that three.

Fozzie: That’s okay. Is the bed comfy?

Scooter: Not particularly. And you’re definitely going to get attacked in the middle of the night by this guy. (gestures at Crazy Harry)

Crazy Harry: (waves axe around with low, ominous chuckle)

Fozzie: Ooooh, fancy! (snaps a picture)

Kermit: Look, do you have any rooms that aren’t weird horrible death-traps?

Scooter: Uh … probably not, but I guess I can check? You’re welcome to hang out in the lobby while you wait.

Fozzie: (picking up a bar menu) Kermit? Can we order some onion rings?

Rizzo: Yep! And there’s a running gun-battle every hour, on the hour!

Gonzo: (strapping on a helmet, picking up a chicken) Be sure to stay for the evening show; it’s completely different than the afternoon matinee! No spoilers, but I’ll probably die!

Kermit: (grumbles, walks to the bar)

#the muppets #john wick #not gaming related #feed me to the ai daddy #mickey mouse gave elon gonorrhea

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