#if they're not gonna go to family therapy i'll make them

[tarjapearce]

How can you describe miguel mentally and emotionally ?

Oh man... This is a tough one. I'll start by saying that, even though we saw a glimpse of his mindset on ATSV, we still have sooo much to learn and know about him. (We just had it for 15 mins. jsksk)

I did this thing a while ago, focusing mostly on his grieving that addressed the rest just superficially.

I won't say I know him better than anyone cause

1. No. Characters evolve and I feel it'd be disrespectful af to just reduce him to a couple of traits or claim that I know him better than I know my nipple jsksk.

2. He's a complex character that is so well written that makes us all go psychoanalysing his behavior 🤭. (And love me a man that puts me to think)

But jokes aside.

He's emotionally unavailable. Simple as that. And though it might sound obvious to some, (And our savior complex kicks in and tell us to fix him 👀 yeah, I'm talking to us jsksk) there's no way we can do that, cause that's up to him ~. (And you can't help someone that doesn't wants to be helped.)

Healing takes time. And guess who overworks himself to the point of having his cortisol running 24/7 through his body? Miguel. He doesn't have time for therapy. His fear of watching it all go to hell once more is a too fresh wound. Some traumas last decades, and naturally people find ways around it without interacting with it directly to avoid reliving such impairment.

(I do appreciate the fact that in the new comic book, we see him trying to make amends with Conchata though. He's trying!!! :D.)

2. He's a patient man. I mean, he recruited after all versions of Spiderman that have this trait in common: They're perceived as friendly. And they're mostly young adults and teens. (Both are a handful btw. And most stories and comics Peter Parker is depicted as a 18-23 year old)

But they like pushing his buttons, (cracking a joke every 5 minutes, doing whatever they want even when specific orders were given) however. He doesn't strike me as someone that is mean on purpose, he's just wary but not totally closed off towards people. Wich is kinda contradictory on its own since:

You don't go around trusting people first hand upon just knowing them, right? 👀. But at the same time he showed Miles his own canon event, trying to empathise with him before dropping the bomb. (He was mentally preparing him, something he wasn't able to get but to experience the worst way)

A hypocrite truly. And not in the bad bad way (He calls a nerd the NWH Peter yet he is one) , cynic to an extent (Since he keeps repeating he's been the only one trying to keep it all together, meaning he still doesn't fully trusts the people around him.) A showoff (Did you see the way he turns towards Gwen when he first appears? Or the way he says "I was gonna do that") , arrogant to also an extent. ("It's much more cooler than a watch").

He took the job as a leader cause he knew none else was gonna, and if there was another one willing to assume the role, I'm sure he'd be dissatisfied with it's development cause our man likes to feel safe in when he's in control. (A trait often met in people with generalized anxiety)

And when he's not, his brain immediately goes into threat mode, but even so is able to adapt. (I have a theory he learned this the bad way. We've still got to see the origins of his Rapture intake though 🤔)

Now, we know this man is emotionally unavailable, through and through. His love is work. And married to it.

Now, I might get a bit controversial after this and some might not like it, but I don't think he wants another family after that. (We don't know much about this Miguel's background or family except that he was looking for things, and he found Gabi's universe. And for you to look into another universe in need to be happy says enough to imagine his family or is non existent or is really messed up.)

I know we want him to be happy, (And the producers better give him some healing and closure or else.) Cause he deserves everything. But grieving doesn't work like that. A loss like that is unmeasurable, it changes literally your brain chemistry forever. The least appropriate thing you'd do is have another kid or someone after such event.

(I've seen what that is an it's not nice. Specially for the involved kid)

But we're all ill here so Thank goodness fanfics exist ❤️

He allowed himself to be selfish enough to be happy, had his fun but consequences caught up to him. Consequences that he didn't know and now has him perpetuating his guilt and mind berating.

Hence the workaholic attitude, the coldness. He's done with establishing something with people in general, not just someone special. He's done of getting trampled by life, so he sticks with something he knows he can do very well and pours into it. The Multiverse is his hyperfixation.

Keeps him busy, keeps him on control but curiously and contradictory again, it keeps him needed and useful.

He's a walking contradiction. He doesn't need people to watch over him, not cause he doesn't deserves it. He knows that people worry about him, that's why he just minds his own thing to not be a burden.

Self-Sufficient, over achiever (Alchemax CEO & Spiderman, a genius, bilingual, probably more languages on his list cause he leads a multicultural and multidimensional task force babes ~)

He's not bad, he just doesn't know how to direct his anger or allows himself to feel properly and often rationalises his feelings. (Another coping mechanism where you're tired of feeling stuff and justify difficult or negative with logical thoughts)

But again, curiously knows how to communicate. I know it's fucked to say when he threw a trash bin to Miles before that. But! Hear me out.

Retaking the previous point, he was preparing Miles to give him the talk. After he throws the trash bin, he knows that anger won't solve things (Even though he wanted to give some chancla spanks to Miles for being an anomaly) So he chills, and you can see the transition between being completely furious to a more emotional approach. (Parenting surge there.)

He starts explaining everything from scratch, (literally with drawings and stuff) so Miles wouldn't be lost on what he was on about. Then they moved to the canon events, and shows his major trauma to him as a sign of empathy and an invitation to honest talk.

He admits he doesn't like what he does, and if you look closer his face is so damn distressed when locking Miles in the trap. It pains him, but again, someone has to do it, yet none is scarred enough to bear the burden.

I just want to hug him and send him to therapy. Cause he needs it. (Pretty sure he gave up on that too cause it was too time consuming.)

I'd be satisfied if the writers gave him that ❤️. But yeah. That's one of my many takes on him. Hope it helps c:

#talking with t✨ #miguel o'hara #little thoughts 💭

[bearsinpotatosacks]

Rewatching star trek beyond so liveblogging it

God this film feels like coming home. Let me be a pharmacy assistant on the Enterprise please my life would be fixed

So does Bones just steal from people's lockers? Also they have lockers?

Oh LoRDy

I wish I could’ve been into star trek when this came out

Someone medicate Bones, man's so stressed out honestly

This film really makes me want star trek 4, make it a motion picture, getting the band back together thing

Love the way we see yorktown as massive and impressive then zoom in on the spaceport to make it seem lived in

Sulu's daughter has a toy enterprise

Fuck, prime Spock’s dead

The parts where they show prime spock really make me want a crossover between tos and aos, and it hurts that I'll never see it, guess i'll have to live in fanfic

Love the practical effects of this film

Also is Jim’s outfit in this scene, grey with yellow shoulders, the formalwear? If so I like it

Lovr Uhura's communications panel

Chris Pine's reactions, the cinematography, the set design, the sounds, fuck I love this film

Gonna start saying "i can't engage the warp drive" when i stall a car

Would love to see the borg in aos

Love the character consistency of Bones not carrying a phaser but spock is

Love Bones' portable scanner, i would watch a fake documentary about star trek tech

Does anyone wonder what happened to all the personal belongings that were destroyed on the Enterprise?

Jaylah’s coming soon 😆

There she is!

How many languages does she speak? English, her own and whatever those people she beat up were speaking?

Notice how Bones is still cut on the forehead while he's helping out Spock

Also why does Jaylah know about Krall’s plan? Is that why he shoots people down, try to find the Abornath then kill them to be immortal?

Just realised that Jaylah’s tech was probably from her ship before she got to Altamid, that's why she knows how to use it, her stick, her traps, the parts she got for the franklin (as well as other ships), makes me want to know what her people were like

How long has Jaylah been there?

Love how Bones is ready to throw hands

Bones dancing to achy breaky heart when?

Also Jaylah isn't introduced to Spock and bones, they just get beamed aboard and then spock collapses

Oo Krall’s looking more human

"You gave your girlfriend a tracking device?" Spock’s face 🤣

I really want to know about Jaylah’s family

This film literally proves that my "Jaylah is actually really fucking traumatised and definitely has (c) ptsd" agenda is canon

Also Scotty has his grandma's china hc

Love how Jim respects his crew

Also jim kirk is so Maverick/tom cruise coded it's insane. Bikes, dead dad, cocky attitude, shipped with someone who’s "ice cold"

Uhura has got to be traumatised after seeing a crewmate literally eaten in front of her

Jim Cruise is here! Tom Kirk!

After getting into top gun, the star trek navy inspired titles are funny to me, at least in aos by how quick they get them and how young they all are

Not sure why Jaylah’s fighting gives me kill bill vibes

Also jaylah has blue blood!

Love how sulu gets the dramatic line "they're going to destroy yorktown"

How long did it take to get the ship ready to fly? I mean, it's been at least a day and a night, the day they arrived, nighttime then they all got rescued and brought back together the next day just wondered how long it all took to happen

Also seatbelts!

Sulu would’ve won top gun

"I acknowledge and respect your concerns" Someone's been to therapy

"How do we get them to stop talking" is spoken so shatner

Just realised why certain jobs are the colours, yellow: anything running the ship (captain, pilot etc), red: anything about how the ship runs (engineering, communications, security), blue: science and medical

I love how the end of this film is similar to battleships where they use an old ship to defeat an alien ship

The picture of the original crew! He took it with him! I need a crossover now! I love how they used a more brassy theme there, makes it sound more original, more nostalgic

They had the chance to do futuristic dress but they just look like dudes from 2016

If they could just do an animated series for the aos crew...

Also the og theme at the end 🥲

#aos #star trek #star trek beyond #star trek aos #aos star trek #star trek alternate original series #jim kirk #captain kirk #james t kirk #leonard mccoy #dr mccoy #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #montgomery scott #jaylah #hikaru sulu #pavel chekov #nyota uhura

[the-sky-queen]

You have my full attention

KAY BUCKLE UP. INFO DUMP TIME LET'S GOOOOOO!!!

We'll go in the order that I listed the spinoffs, even if that isn't the order we came up with them. (Spectrophobia was probably the first one I think.)

Dementophobia is the fear of going insane and it's the Psychonauts one. I hadn't heard of Psychonauts before this, so I'm still working my way towards watching the game cutscenes. I think I'm in the middle of Psychonauts 2 right now and then I'll be all caught up. If you're unaware, Psychonauts is a videogame where this kid named Raz has psychic powers and wants to become a Psychonaut, who are basically spies I think and also use their mind powers to help people get therapy.

So during Dementophobia, Niko accidentally comes into contact with the Warp Topaz (a common theme you'll see in a lot of these) and gets sent to the world of Psychonauts. He comes into contact with Raz who figures out something's up and decides to help him out. Raz goes into Niko's mind and very quickly realizes something is VERY WRONG HERE. (Also, Lily and I along with Lily's more Psychonauts knowledgeable friends have done a TON of worldbuilding around Niko's mind world and what happens there. It's so in depth and interesting and I LOVE IT SO MUCH) Anyway, Raz realizes that he's gonna need some backup here because Niko's mind is unlike pretty much anything he's ever seen before. It's that messed up. He takes Niko to his Psychonauts friends for help and that's when things really get going. Also Maple shows up at some point.

I could go on and on about what we have planned for Niko's mind world, but that might be a bit too spoiler-y. BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY IT'S SUPER COOL. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Alright, next up is Phobophobia which in all honesty is a silly joke AU that is really just here to have fun with. Here's what's up: Starline and Maple are married. Niko is their actual child. (Also Surge and Kit show up at some point, also being Starline's kids)

It sounds CRAZY (and it is) but it's really fun!! Niko's like 7 I think and there's not really a set plot to this one. It's just a collection of scenarios that this wacky family gets into. Also, there's like a subplot where Starline learns to be more caring and gets closer to Niko and it's kinda cute. This one got started before the Trauma Siblings became a thing, so they're not included, and I'm still wondering if I should put them in. That would put Starline and Maple at SIX kids though and I don't know if their marriage can handle that. XD

(ALSO EGGMAN AND STARLINE ARE CO-WORKERS AND EGGMAN'S DAUGHTERS ARE 6 YEAR OLD SAGE AND BELLE.)

Next up is Decidiophobia, Fear of Decision making. This is the Stanley Parable crossover, another game that I hadn't heard of before this, but I'm now OBSESSED WITH. Quick rundown of The Stanley Parable: You play as Stanley, an ordinary guy with a job pressing buttons on a keyboard all day. Then one day, his co-workers all go missing and he sets out to try to find them and figure out what's up. The entire game is narrated by the Narrator, who even narrates your actions! However, what he says you're going to do isn't set in stone and you can go against what he says whenever you want. All this leads to different paths and storylines you can take, causing multiple different endings. After each one, the game resets and you start all over again.

SO HERE'S THE THING ABOUT THIS ONE. Instead of doing another dimensional yeet via the warp topaz, we decided that The Stanley Parable exists within the regular Sonic universe. How? Uhhh, I probably can't explain that because of spoilers, but let's just say . . .

The Narrator is vaguely connected to the Time Eater and also the Phantom Ruby is here. And GUN got involved too.

So Niko shows up in side The Parable™ and confuses the Narrator, because he's not Stanley. The Narrator tries to continue on as normal, but after a particularly disastrous ending, he realizes that Niko is AN ACTUAL CHILD and resolves to help him escape The Parable™. :D

Next: Autophobia, Fear of being Alone, otherwise known as the Miraculous Ladybug one. You know the drill by now. Warp Topaz, dimensional yeet, and it's all fun and games until Hawkmoth gets to Niko literally IMMEDIATELY. (Not gonna explain Miraculous because it's a lot. If you don't know about it already, just go watch the show.) So Niko gets akumatized into THE MOST TERRIFYING AND OVERPOWERED AKUMA IN EXISTENCE, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS LITTLE ANGEL. He can make people fall (platonically) in love with him just by looking at him and it even works across BROADCAST. So like. Anyone who comes into contact with him is instantly obsessed with him. There's a bit more too it, but that's probably spoilers. :P

Anyway, Ladybug is compromised pretty much INSTANTLY. And shortly afterwards, the entire school falls to Little Angel's spell. Due to spoiler reasons, Chat Noir, Chloe, and Kagami, manage to escape his influence and start trying to find a way to fight back. (Oh also Little Angel is not a hedgehog, but he was turned into a small human child with animal ears, a halo, and wings. Yeah, he's called Angel for a reason.)

This is the only crossover we have where Niko very much does NOT get therapy. He's usually better off by the end of one of the crossovers but NOT THIS ONE. In fact, he actually gets WORSE because of this one. :D

AND FINALLY WE HAVE SPECTROPHOBIA, Fear of mirrors/your reflection. AKA THE ONE I ACTUALLY CAME UP WITH BY MYSELF. XD This one is interesting because SONIC shows up. Like, regular Sonic, untainted by Starline's influence, shows up in the facility. How? Let's just say that the 900th Adventure special didn't quite go as planned. >:) So he's able to find Starline and Niko in the facility right in the middle of a session. Sonic's like 'nah this is stopping right now,' rescues Niko, and escapes the facility! It's not as easy as it seems though because Niko freaks out as soon as he realizes Sonic's here and he took him away from Starline. I REALLY WANNA START POSTING THIS ONE. I PROBABLY COULD BUT I'VE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF. Also the Warp Topaz shenanigans are fun in this one and I've got an art I need to finish for it that no one but Lily will understand but will come up later on in the story. >:)

Kay, that's all the ones I mentioned in that post, but there's a few more. I won't talk about them though, because most of them are more Lily's expertise.

But aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa can you tell why I'm going insane now?

#TEU FANS COME GET YOUR FOOD #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #thanks for the ask! #asks #Sky Queen #Sky rambles #Sonic the Hedgehog #Sonic AU #Tachophobia Expanded Universe #Dementophobia AU #Phobophobia AU #Decidiophobia AU #Autophobia AU #Spectrophobia AU #Psychonauts #The Stanley Parable #Miraculous Ladybug #Sonic IDW #Sonic #Nikolai Peterson #Razputin Aquato #Maple the Red Panda #Dr. Starline #Stanley #the Narrator #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #chloe bourgeois #kagami tsurugi

[mcflymemes]

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the television show, season 2

i don't want to disappoint you, but this is not the first time i've had a gun pointed at me.

it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

yeah, i know. check the trunk.

you say that like it means something.

missed me that much, huh?

i lost someone once.

when the reality of their actions set in, they usually turn to religion.

you're too hard on yourself.

i'm like a sponge. i just absorb information.

i gave you your career.

i got a coupon.

who's gonna believe a guy like me?

so that leaves you.

ready, honey?

it sounds like you're making this personal.

god knows you haven't let me touch you in three years.

you're very good. you could work for me.

you were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress.

i thought that was my line.

you don't believe me?

i could have been a rock star.

i've always wanted to go there.

i don't know the basis of your allegations.

instead, i want you.

i can't believe you're doing this to me.

we told them what happened.

i just realized that you and i have a very healthy relationship.

i've never told anyone before.

no one's ever asked me that before.

you don't know what you're talking about.

you smell like death.

someone will be with you shortly.

i love this table.

you're too smart for that.

you're supposed to say something revealing back to me.

truth brings closure.

rich people don't go to jail.

i don't believe in rules that tell me how i should live.

they're your best feature.

you have to be able to walk away at any time.

no criminal charges were filed.

did you feel sick?

how many meals have we shared together?

kind of sounds like you.

i'll give you a lift.

sex is physical. is that a sport?

i know you're upset.

people don't vanish.

were there any disturbances last night?

you showered.

if there's one thing you learn on this job is that human beings are capable of anything.

i knew you were coming back today, so i dressed up.

you did this to yourself.

how's your new toy working out?

they were kinda cool back in the day.

how can you tell just by looking at it?

they're still dead.

you sucked at team sports, huh.

i notice you have no photos of your family in your office.

it doesn't make you any less guilty.

you ever been to therapy?

look, i was just doing my job.

take a guess.

our job is to think.

this is the thanks i get?

i just got the results.

you were okay sharing your problems with a complete stranger?

that's the funny thing about choices. once you make them, you have to go live with them.

i know what they look like.

this is going to take forever.

i'm playing cards.

did you enjoy being in the field?

sometimes i hate this job.

i always thought you kept your porn in there.

why did you need the expensive one in the first place?

you see my face? this is me almost believing you.

what does that look like?

wherever you live is your temple, if you treat it like one.

what's going on with you?

it's just unusual to see you dressed like that.

i enjoyed it fine.

you got anything to add?

can you think of a better time?

where have you been?

i don't think it's worth it.

i can't be everywhere, and they've banned human cloning.

you're flying solo, cutting me out. what's going on?

i always knew there was something weird about you.

give me a mint.

the past is in the past.

other than that i really don't care.

you can give a man a lot of things. you can give him your time, your money, even your heart. but the one thing you can never ever let go of is your power.

you still smell.

i wouldn't expect anything less.

since when are you interested in beauty?

why are you looking at me?

someone gonna cover me?

whoever this guy is, he's a lousy shot.

they're looking for me, you know.

#rp starters #rp memes #rp prompt #rp meme #rp musings #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #writing prompt #askbox meme #ask memes #rp asks #ask meme #inbox meme #inbox prompts #inbox prompt #rp inbox meme #sentence starter #sentence starters #sentence starter prompt #mcflymemes #csi #crime scene investigation #crime memes

[theintrovertbean]

I bet you can't tell which one of them is my favorite (sarcastic)

I'll make another post later about Nadia because I love her so much I might need therapy 😭

I'm participating in brainrot's Vesuvia Weekly prompts and I'd like to encourage eveyone to join ^.^

Also, brainrot has a Discord server now, so if you're interested in getting to know others from the fandom and bond over our beloved character, I kindly recommend that you join. It's a safe place for every simp 💜

The Arcana Main 6 x Dara relationship dynamics

Asra: There is some romantic potential between the two, but it's not very much. They were childhood friends and are still very close. Because of that, people often mistake them for lovers. When I say they are close, I really mean it. Asra has no problem hopping into Dara's bed for some cuddles and he's one of the very few people who are allowed to touch them. They pretty much go everywhere together and even though they have separate beds in the shop, they often end up sharing. He's invited to every family gathering and special occasion. Dara can be a little oblivious when it comes to how others feel about them (coughs coughs Nadia coughs choughs), but Asra, being the cheeky person that he is, doesn't shy away from letting them know that a certain Countess might be in love with them. Asra was the first person Dara kissed, btw.

Nadia: Oh I could talk about these two all day. True love. That's it, true love. They met during the plague and quickly fell in love with each other. However, they didn't confess their love until after Nadia woke up from her coma. Dara is introverted but warm and patient, which is something that can be said about Nadia as well. Their relationship is as comfortable as it is passionate, filled with affection and care. They're both givers, which means they spoil each other 24/7 with gifts and all forms of affection. Neither of them trusts easily, but since they're both patient and kind, opening up was not a big issue (except that one incident but that's gonna be explained in Wounds of Magic, Scars of Love.) Nadia is Dara's favorite person in the entire world and they're giving her the special treatment. They seem like an open person, but there's still so much that they hide about themselves. Not from Nadia, tho. Nadia is the only person that Dara tells everything. They have some trauma, and so far, Nadia has been the only one they completely trusted with it. Whenever something happens, Dara's first thought is that they have to go and tell Nadia about it. No one is allowed to touch Dara without asking for first (except Asra and maybe a handful of other people), but Nadia is always an exception. Actually, Dara wishes she would touch them all the time. There is something about the Countess that makes Dara feel things that no one else ever has before. It's a relationship based on lots of love and mutual respect. When it's just them, everything feels so easy. They can be just Nadia and Dara with each other and I think that's beautiful. There's no pressure, no expectations. Just love. If there was a love story about a star and the moon, it would be about them. Hand in marriage when?

Julian: Dara can't really decide how they feel towards Julian. On the one hand, they'd party with him. On the other hand, they're giving him a bombastic side-eye. Julian is not bad and Dara is okay with hanging out with him once in a while, but they can't imagine getting any closer to him. However, sometimes they hang out at the Rowdy Raven and chat over some drinks and they worked together during the plague. When they share a common goal, they're willing to work together towards it.

Muriel: Sweet Muriel is a childhood friend of Dara. They drifted apart but later rekindled their friendship. Or more like, Muriel tolerates Dara more than he would with other people. Dara isn't someone who would force anyone, which is something that Muriel appreciates. However, Dara makes sure that Muriel never feels forgotten. Whenever Dara goes somewhere, they bring him back a little gift or occasionally show up at his hut to say hi, bring some goodies, and pet Inanna. Whenever there's an occasion, Dara invites Muriel and sadly, he often says no, but Dara lets him know that they could hang out later. Just the two of them. They both like chickens. Dara sometimes asks if they could hug Muriel.

Portia: Besties. They bake together and gossip together. When Dara and Portia sit down, they simply can't resist spilling all the latest tea. You know what TikTok trend about whoever brings up xy has to pay first? Yeah, it's them. I swear to gayness, they're like two grandmas. They pet and feed stray cats. Maybe occasionally bring them back to the Palace until Nadia says it's enough. Portia is someone that Dara trusts and considers a true friend. Lots of inside jokes and uncontrollable laughter. They also think that she's cute.

Lucio: Another character with romantic potential. At first, Dara just wanted to punch him. Now they want to punch him and then make out with him and it really confuses them. They're still salty about the way Lucio treated Nadia, but they also understand that Lucio is in some serious need of a therapist. With that being said, Dara is someone that Lucio can talk to about his past. As soon as they begin to understand why Lucio is the way he is, their judgement and hatred for him starts to disappear. When Lucio had the plague, Dara did their best to ease his suffering. If he ever needs a shoulder to cry on or just someone who listens, Dara is always available. They want to get drunk with him.

#nadia satrinava #countess nadia #the arcana nadia #nadia the arcana #arcana nadia #the arcana #nadia arcana #arcana #the arcana lucio #lucio arcana #arcana lucio #count lucio #lucio the arcana #portia arcana #the arcana portia #portia #portia devorak #portia the arcana #the arcana muriel #arcana muriel #muriel of the kokhuri #muriel the arcana #arcana asra #the arcana asra #asra arcana #asra the magician #asra the arcana #arcana julian #the arcana julian #julian devorak

[da-proti-toku-grem]

just me ranting again pls don't feel like you have to read or anything i just feel like i'll punch smth or someone if i don't get this out of my chest rn

i hate this fucking weird anxiety that apparently no one that i know irl fucking understands bc why does everyone gets encouraging words every time they're feeling anxious but i have to fucking suppress my anxiety (i'm starting to think maybe some of them are even panic attacks but it's not gonna help me to think about the now anyways) attacks bc people think it's stupid and i'm overreacting to normal situations that shouldn't be hard for anyone. and i hate that everyone thinks i have a problem with them like don't you fucking understand that i don't even know how i'm keeping myself alive at this point how the fuck am i supposed to have a problem with you when my own mind alone is a whole problem of its own

like this is all coming bc all of a sudden my parents decided to go out to dinner together (the three of us + my 2 brothers) and i really don't want to go out. fuck i'm crying my eyes out as i type this just at the mere thought of going out i feel like my heart is going to fucking explode if i put a foot outside. and i'm trying- i'm trying to tell my mom that i really really can't do this right now and i know that i have to try, that i have to do stuff so my brain gets the message that it's not bad, so i can get better, but I've barely started therapy 3 months ago and i have to take short steps not full on jump to do the scariest things. and i'm really trying my best to do stuff but today is not the day. and i tried to explain it to my mom but she (like every fucking time) just hit me with the "but why don't you want to go out with us, we're your family". girl is not that i don't want to go out with you, is that i don't want to go out

and then on top of that she was talking with my grandma over the phone and she asked about me (bc she knows i'm not doing well) and i know she's just asking bc she cares about me, but i really couldn't talk to her right now, but my mom saw that i was crying and she tried to pass me the phone anyways and i whispered to her "please don't. i can't talk to her right now" and she just turned around and said "she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, she's just crying because she doesn't want to go out of the house with us" and really wtf was that bro

now i feel fucking worse because now i've made my grandma feel bad because she thinks i don't wanna talk to her and why tf do i do everything wrong. why tf does no one understands how i'm feeling or at least tries to. why can't i like normal things so i can get along with more people. i really don't want to change myself, i like how i am, but it's so fucking hard to believe in yourself and love yourself when everyone arounds you who claims to love you wants you to change the thing about yourself that makes you you. do they really love me or do they just love the façade i put for them when they're around. i feel so fake whenever i have to change things about myself. but if i don't they always hit me with their "don't wear that or they'll say [x]", " don't do that, that's weird", "why don't you go out like your friends do", "don't sit like that or you'll look like a dude", " you have to have some hobbies outside of your house", "you have shave like every woman does", " you have to start making sport to loose weight", etc etc etc

and i TRY, i fucking TRY to ignore all the comments, to just be the way i am, but what the fuck am i supposed to if no one likes me, they like the version of me they have in their heads, the potential of what i could be one day. but they don't fucking see that i'm fighting to stay alive every fucking day and the mere thought of having to wake up in the morning feeling like a weight is crushing on me. how tf am i supposed to think about the future and what i want to study now that i finally got the courage to tell my parents that i wanted to drop out of uni, when i'm fighting to stay alive

but even like that, i can't put it into words properly and explain to them how i feel and why i react the way i do to certain things because the moment i think about it i start crying like a pathetic baby. so now i'm in my room, crying silently because i can't even cry properly because i don't want to bother/worry the rest of my family. because even if i feel like shit i don't want to worry anyone

i feel fucking horrible and i'm not even capable of facing my own feelings. i just wish i could disappear in a house in the middle of the mountain and never talk to a single person ever again because i feel like i fuck it up every time i open my mouth. i should just shut up forever and never talk again. i'm the quiet girl after all, probably no one will notice anyways....

[timetravelingsherlockian]

A System (TM): The non-definitive guide for dealing with dysphoria regardless of medical choices

Someone asked how one deals with dysphoria. The comment was too long for the reply box.

Long comment incoming...I have some gender fluidity going on, so I get buffeted from both sides (likely I tend towards masc, so it doesn't hit too hard).

I...uh...perform a good bit of mental jujitsu on the thoughts. It's gotta get through multiple layers of pre-prepared lifestyle choices, cognitive-behavioral thinking, mindfulness, rationalization, cultivating patience, disassociation, and spite before it really hits me.

Lifestyle Choices:

I'm out everywhere. If someone calls me something else or treats me in another way, they're either misinformed or being dicks about it. If they're the former, I either correct or move on with my day. If the latter, not worth my time. Any hurt I instill in myself from their dickishness is me brandishing their weapon against myself. Moving on.

Keep your friends supportive and your family as supportive as possible. If they can't be supportive, they don't get to know your business.

Don't explain shit.

I don't wear anything that makes me uncomfortable, and I wear the things I wish I wore when I was younger. All the dresses are out of my closet. None of the pants are too tight, and I have a few cut in a masc style, when I feel like it. My clothes don't cling in ways I'm not happy with. I have the good ol' standby dysphoria sweatshirt.

I get any aids I need to for myself. I go to a barber shop for my hair, and I make sure to get it cut when it's long. I've got a binder if I need it, packers, mascara in my cabinet drawer for facial hair. Pronoun pins (that I never wear, but it's nice to have them in my pocket to touch). I carry a knife like a lot of guys where I'm from do.

I try to keep everything else in my life in-shape. Think about dysphoria like a bad knee. If you don't get enough sleep, or you're eating garbage, or you're overtaxing yourself -- that knee's gonna hurt first, before anything else, because it's sensitive. If I'm getting a really bad bout, I check in with everything else first.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy:

I check disturbing thoughts against questions like, "if a friend told me this, what would I say to them?" "is the thought reasonable?"

If I spot words like "always" or "never", I flag them & try to re-word them in a less-extreme way, and I bring up counter-examples. E.g. "You'll never pass." becomes "are you sure, never*? That seems a bit harsh.* [check the facts] Even cisgender people get mistaken for the other gender, so even random chance says it'll happen at least once." >> "I'll almost-never pass." >> "Are you sure? Because the guy at the coffee shop says 'hey man!' every time you walk in. He's either clocked you (thus, you're being encouraged & accepted) or he genuinely thinks there's a man in there, somewhere." >> etc.

I think back to other times I've had the thought/experience and survived it. E.g. "What if I'm not really trans?" >> "...dude. You've been asking yourself that for around 3 years. You asked yourself that, then some cashier called you 'sir' and you clung to that in your little heart for most of the morning like a starving man with bread. That is not very cisgender behavior. Don't you think it would've worn off by now?"

I seek out others' diverse experiences. E.g. I feel embarrassed sometimes about sewing, but I know a guy whose literal degree is in costuming. I ain't calling him less of a man for that. Why am I bringing that on myself?

How is this thought functioning in my head? E.g. If I call myself pathetic, do I really think I'm pathetic, or do I want to curl up and sleep and "pathetic" is the quickest way to demotivate me to my bed? Why not not call myself "pathetic", and just treat myself nice and rest instead?

Mindfulness:

"It's just a thought." "It's just a sensation." "This is a sensation [reflect back the sensation to the spot of the sensation, so it knows you heard it]." Know that a thought or sensation is independent of a gender. (Gender is like "the flame unbound.")

Watch the sensation, feel the way your body reacts to it, and don't feed the beast. Just watch. Imagine yourself in a zoo, with a nice big trench between you and the animals. The flesh and thoughts will do their own thing, but you're safely protected from them.

Reality is reality is reality. As Galileo said, when the church insisted their doctrine otherwise, "and yet, it moves." You can think whatever thoughts you have. Other people can say any words they can form their mouths around. Your body can shiver and throb and become nauseated and ache -- None of these change what your gender is. Your gender is the vessel (which sometimes may change itself), and the experiences flow through it.

Rationalization:

"This is dysphoria. This is just what happens when you're brain's expecting one thing and your body's expecting something else."

"It sucks, but you're going to have to deal with it for X long, so you might as well try not to suffer twice by feeding into it."

"Yeah, sometimes it's gonna hurt and/or feel humiliating. Oh well. That's not gonna change your gender; you have other things to worry about."

"My gender can take care of itself right now."

Cultivating Patience:

This is going to take X number of years, or I'm going to have to live with a certain thing for t long. That's just the way things work.

No body is stagnant and without change. No perception is stagnant and without change. Ergo, this feeling of dysphoria, as are all things, is temporary.

See how you feel in 10 minutes/30 minutes/the afternoon/tomorrow. And then you can use an additional coping skill. (My genderfluidity makes this one even more flexible, but thoughts and feelings are themselves mercurial.)

Disassociation:

Read a book.

Scroll through social media (generally not trans content, because that can feed it, but sometimes trans content).

Write.

Walk outside.

Do some laundry.

Vacuum (I hate the vacuum noise, but now I'm bitching about that instead).

Deal with the other aforementioned life tasks that have you stuck here.

Sleep.

Give yourself some time to laze around in bed and just drift.

Go find some friends or call your most-talkative friend with a bunch of petty problems (when you're around other people, you can focus on them and not your gender).

Spite:

I know that there are trans people who've lost years of their lives because of the pain their dysphoria has caused them. I've lost evenings/afternoons/experiences from it too. I have no idea what my middleschool and highschool life would've been if I'd just known, or not had to deal with it. That being said, I'll be damned if it keeps me in bed and losing my life.Sometimes that means showering with my eyes open and the lights on when I don't want to (sometimes, what I see isn't that bad, and it's my head that was worse). Sometimes that means forcing myself out of bed and stumbling around in my comfort hoodie and sweats with my head down -- but at least I'm getting groceries or something.

People who hate trans people getting healthcare generally want to see us go away/disappear/not exist -- some folks by any means necessary. Them holding up care is to make our lives harder and for us to go away. Fuck them. Fuck the state systems. I'm not spending 2+ years bemoaning not looking or sounding like I want to stay home and not do something, just because I'm going to have to wait.

This is a system I've built up over a number of years, listening to bunches of trans peoples' experiences, and going to school for actual psychology. But it works pretty well, and I started at a low-dysphoria place to begin with, so I've been able to tackle symptoms as they've arisen, largely.

(I just realized this is the meme where the ADHD person says they don't have trouble with losing things because they have A System, and the neurotypical person has no idea what A System is...and the A System is itself a signal the person has ADHD. So. I don't have dysphoria. I have A System.)

I will say the dysphoria I deal with now isn't from the same sources I've dealt with in the past, largely. A number of sources I didn't realize made me dysphoric until they went away (or I'd quietly phased them out of my life without realizing it). I also like what Abigail Thorn says about dysphoria: It doesn't exist. Not that the sensations or dissatisfaction isn't there, but that the gap between who one imagines themself to be and who one is is a gap all people have to deal with, not just trans people. Cis people feel the same sort of self-consciousness when a cis woman grows hair on her face as a trans woman. You are not alone, and the systems and circumstances of history have merely added different labels to the universal struggles.

And then I like to pay attention to what does make me happy.

#trans #queer #nonbinary #my writing #dysphoria #dysphoria tips #I have A System (TM)

[vicekillx]

UPDATE: 2024

Usually I make these kinds of post around New Years, but this year I didn't really have anything to say. But now we're a month in and I definitely do.

I feel…different, this year. In a good way, I think. I feel like I'm tired of being complacent and riding coattails. This month has been a whirlwind of getting my shit in line. So far I:

handled two serious family crises smoothly and picked myself back up quickly from both

called my health insurance (phone calls have historically been an hours-long meltdown-inducing debacle for me) twice to switch my PCP because the previous one was consistently booked 3-6 months out and she just forgot to mention the inhaler I pulled out of my bag to show her at my first appointment so I couldn't get a refill on it or my nebulizer when I had COVID; that's been getting put off since August of last year

made an appointment with said new PCP for Feb 1, and I'm hoping they'll be able to refer me to a dentist and optometrist because I desperately need both

got back into therapy with an autism/ADHD specialist who can help me manage those specifically after my previous therapist didn't understand why I couldn't just Do It™; also have assessments lined up for both to get diagnoses

pay more attention to my health in general, including diet and exercise. I'm already down about 10 lb

restructured my planner to include a mood tracker and sleep tracker, and have been better about staying on top of it

got Trello up and running and so far it's working really well for me

have been doing my house chores more consistently, namely cleaning litter boxes and taking care of my snakes and tarantulas (roommates have been picking up my slack but they shouldn't have to, they're my animals)

am able to work more consistently on my designated work days; before it was a lot of chipping away and putting things off rather than sitting down and making actually decent progress

am finally starting a tattoo sleeve I've wanted for a very, very long time as a belated birthday gift to myself

am consistently filling stream sketch slots, which means I can actually make money and pay my bills on-time (and a huge, huge thank you to everyone who signs up, I'm pretty sure this is the primary reason I've been able to pull myself out of the hole. Financial stability is a hell of a drug)

This year I wanna try really hard to keep the train moving along this track. If things keep going the way they are, I could potentially make some pretty big changes in the not so distant future. Some things I'm brainstorming:

UnholyFans

merch other than stickers (seriously I have so many designs in mind, I just haven't had the drive to work on them or the upfront capital to order inventory)

more monster/demon adoptables

I would really like to collab with some other artists, it's been too fuckin long

website restructure

picking up my side business (I did literally zero pieces for it last year oof), ideally with a rebrand

get back into conventions and try some new crowds: reptile/exotic expos, tattoo conventions, oddities expos, sex conventions, BDSM groups…

push the stream setup to be more professional

rekindling the spark for my personal stories and headworld projects

more I have written down somewhere but can't think of off the top of my head

And to be clear, I'm optimistic, but also a realist. I know from experience that shit changes and I could hit a massive depressive slump in a month or two and be back to where I was for most of last year. I'm still not going to promise anything I'm not confident I can deliver. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

I already got sidetracked with this post, so I'm gonna make a second to get to my original point and I'll come back and add a link to this one when I do. But suffice to say I want to try - again - to breathe some kind of life back into my SubscribeStar. I have some ideas in mind, but I want to hear yall's opinions on it too.

Watch this space ♥

#vice says #update

[oddball-artz]

I am gonna flood your inbox, just warning you now 🤗

So, you want questions? I'll give some to ya.

1. How tall is Dalia?

2. If she was granted anything she could want, what would she want?

3. Any family? If so, who's she closer too?

4. How does she feel about colorguard? Is she good at it?

5. If she was friends with one of my own oc's? Who, and why would she be friends with them?

6. Lastly, if she was dared to eat dirt for 20$ would she?

Sorry for all the questions! I wanna know more abt her, and squeeze her like she's one of my blorbos.

Here we go, in order! :]

1, Dalia is 5'6, and she's also 15 and weighs around 160 pounds just to cover bases

2, if she could have anything, it would probably be peace of mind. She's usually worried about something or someone, and she puts her concerns about and need to protect those close to her above her own needs. She wants a way to just shut out her thoughts and have the peace her epithet can provide to others, but if she tries to use her epithet on herself it doesn't work, so she's constantly seeking out ways to get that peace, but her thoughts never go away, she can push them to the back of her mind but they're always there and she wishes they weren't. (Lowkey needs therapy tbh)

3, alr family wise she has a pretty big family(so many cousins but I'll make a tree later, I promise) but for immediate family she has 2 siblings, both younger. The middle kid is Esme, and she's 9, and she's pretty close with Dalia (even though some days she makes her wanna rip her own hair out bc omfg does this kid not listen). The youngest is named Jasper, he's 8, and he's sweet, but that doesn't mean he doesn't cause trouble, it's just that when he just does it's more sneakily than when Esme does it. When they play together, it's just basically this (https://youtube.com/shorts/7EVy_Bh6lNk?si=qKcONC0YZzcMUH2b sorry idk how else to link it) Dalia regularly walks in on them being like this and is used to it at this point. Her mom is pretty distant and is constantly working, and Dalia wishes she was around more. Her mom(named Avery) also just kinda pins her siblings onto Dalia whenever her dad isn't home. Her dad(named Carter) is a stay at home dad who's trying his best. He's got a lot going on, but despite it all, he's pretty close with Dalia. They have the same sense of humor, so if you put them in a room together, they constantly crack jokes at each other. He was on drumline when he was her age, and that's part of the reason she joined guard bc she wanted to be involved with the marching band like her dad. She looks up to him a lot.

4, she likes colorguard a lot, but there was definitely a learning curve. If you saw her at her first performance compared to her latest, you wouldn't think it's the same person. She gets super nervous before performances tho (she cried because of her nerves before her first real performance) but the more performances and practice she got under her belt the better her nerves have gotten(she still gets a little panicky before big shows and parades, but nothing compared to how it used to be)

5, Prolly Sabrina, i feel her idgaf energy would ground Dalia in a way(I have a lot of friends with that energy and idk why but it grounds me, so now figuring out why is Dalia's problem lmao) They also have similar music taste(Dalia playlist coming soon) If they were friends they'd totally send eachother fanfic for fandoms they're both in at ungodly hours of the night lmao

6, short answer, no (but if you push, yes.) Long answer no, and not because she's above eating dirt for cash but because she knows she'll probably get made fun of if she does. She folds to peer pressure pretty easy tho (people pleaser) and could probably be convinced to if you pushed her about it.

(Sorry this took so long to make lmao, and tysm for asking questions about her. Sorry if this is kinda bad. I'm a better artist than I am a writer)

#epithet erased oc #ee oc #Dalia Kalmeren (oc) #answered ask #idk what else to put in the tags

[disneyanddisneyships]

@gyubby99 okay okay. The dinner/Aliatar apology:

Alistar and Rosalyn walked into the ballroom of Morellia with their kids.

Alistar looked at the big room as memories flashed in his head.

Rosalyn squeezed his hand tighter.

The couple had been going to therapy for some time, and Alisyar knew that he had to apologize and fix things, or at least try to.

Alistar's eyes widened as Ella and Elias approached them. The looks on their faces were a bit hostile.

"King Alistar, Queen Rosalyn," Ella greeted.

"Queen Ella, King Elias. I would like to thank you for inviting my family and I to this dinner," Rosalyn stated.

"Of course. It's been quite a few years since we've seen King Alistar," Ella replied as she glanced at Alistar.

Rosalyn shoved her husband gently.

"Queen Ella, I realize that getting time alone with you and king Elias will be a bit much, but later on in the night I would like to formally apologize to you both, along with a public apology during dinner," Alistar spoke.

Ella's eyes widened. "Well I-"

"Papa, papa! They have chocolate shaped like turtles!" Asher ran up to his father and jumped into his arms.

"Really? Did you take any?" Alistar asked with a smile.

"No. I didn't know we could!" Asher replied.

"Well of course you can," Ella butted in. "They're there for the taking," Ella finished.

Asher gasped with a wide smile before looking at his father.

"Go ahead," Alistar chuckled before letting his son down.

Asher ran. "Hope! We can have some!" Asher shouted as he made his way to the desert table.

"Uh... I gonna make sure they don't eat everything," Rosalyn muttered. "I'll be right back mi amor," she stated before kissing Alistars cheek. "Ay don't eat too much chocolate!" She yelled after them as she walked away.

"So you have a family now," Ella stated.

"I... uh yes.... Rosalyn and I have actually been going to therapy," Alistar stated.

"With eve. Yes. She told us you guys were doing that," Elias spoke.

"Right..... what else did she tell you?" Qlistar asked nervously.

"She can't reveal more than that. Against the rules," Ella stated.

"Right.... um.... E-Ella... I am... so sorry.... I messed up. Badly. I lost myself and I hurt you and there is no excuse," Alistar apologized. "And Elias, I was taken over by rage and jealousy. But that doesn't excuse murder. And I am so sorry that I stabbed you," he apologized again.

"I accept your apology," Elias stated. "Without what happened, I may not have gotten my family," Elias stated as he side-hugged ella close to him.

"Thank you. That's more than I deserve," Alistar smiled.

"Alistar, I'm not sure if I can forgive you. It may take a lot of time.... but eve said that you're really trying. And I'd like to start again with an alliance between our kingdoms," Ella stated.

"I'd like that," Alistar replied with a bigger smile.

"MI amor! They have apples carved into foxes!" Rosalyn stated as she took Alistar's hand and dragged him toward the food.

[navree]

Hope you had a nice weekend and happy New Year!

I really like your takes on Aegon and Alicent specifically so I wanted to know what you think of the theory that Alicent was the one who poisoned Aegon? Or that Aegon knowingly drank the poison himself?

Thanks!

Happy New Year anon and thanks so much for the well wishes! I'll be brief and say that the weekend was An Adventure, but a fun one nevertheless. Hope your's was all you wanted it to crack up to be as well <3 I'm gonna be operating under a view of "do I think the show could go this way" along with what F*&B tells us rather than just looking at book canon, because most of the theorizing I've seen in regards to that tends to be about how the show could adapt it. This is also going to be largely character/motivation based rather than focusing on "evidence" because this is a history book/propaganda article and a part of a TV show that hasn't happened yet, we don't have any concrete evidenceAs with most theories, I think there's validity to either of them because there's very few theories that make me say a flat "no", but in terms of my personal beliefs: I do not think that Alicent poisoned Aegon, but I actually quite like the idea that Aegon might have poisoned himself.

In Alicent's case, I just don't think she had it in her to do it. Not because she's somehow weak or wahtever and couldn't handle it, but because, quite simply, she likely wouldn't be able to dream of it. All of Alicent's family is dead at that point in the Dance, all her other kids and her father and any personal friends she might have had, like Criston. But Aegon's still there, and he's still fighting as best he can. It's that line from Catelyn in A Storm of Swords (which I've just arrived to in my ASOIAF reread): He is my first son. My first son, and my last. For a time, Aegon was all Alicent had in the world, and by the time the Dance ends, he is all she has left. And I think after everything she's lost, everything that's happened to her family (none of the main Greens died kindly at this point, it was all relatively gruesome), Alicent just wouldn't be able to fathom a world without him. It's why she's on her deathbed begging to see her kids; they're her main driving force in the world, especially after her relationship with Rhaenyra became unsalvageable. I cannot see her deciding, unilaterally, to kill him, she couldn't even bear the idea of him taking the black and going to the Wall when that was brought up as an option.

But I can definitely buy the idea that Aegon poisoned himself. Aegon knew, by the time Cregan was marching on King's Landing, that it was over, and that he wasn't getting out of this unscathed. It's why, again, he seized on the idea of going to the Wall, before Alicent pointed out that it wasn't going to happen, especially if Aegon III decided to be a dick about it because of what he was forced to watch at the Fall of Dragonstone (my little baby, someone get him Westerosi therapy). And, like Alicent, he'd suffered a lot during the Dance, but unlike Alicent, he likely suffered more, and could make an argument to blame himself for all of it. His brothers died, his sister-wife died, his sons died, his dragon died, and it all happened because of him. Aemond and Daeron and Criston died fighting for him and to defend his claim, Helaena and Jahaerys and Maegor died because he failed to protect him, even his beloved Sunfyre died of wounds fought in battles he rode him to, and this is all in addition to what had to be constant physical pain due to his many debilitating injuries. One could argue that, like Alicent, Aegon might want to keep going out of love of what remains, like his love for his mother and love of his daughter. But, even disregarding the fact that Aegon knew he was 99% certain to die no matter what: for one, his relationship with Alicent is complicated and only recently got solidified (the Dance lasts about two years from his coronation, which is where he's gonna be getting proof that Alicent loves him no matter what) and for two, Jahaera wouldn't be enough. I'm sure Aegon loves his kids, but we've also seen that he's someone who dearly desires that love to be reciprocated. It's why so much of the way he treats the world and self medicates is borne of pain, because he thinks his love for certain people is not returned (along with a whole other host of issues that goes along with like feelings of unworthiness and etc). And Jahaera, as we're told in F&B, is not capable of returning that love. We don't know a lot about Jahaera, but she appears to be coded as somewhat developmentally disabled (I can't tell you specifics because it's vague and that's also not a subject I feel qualified to make any kind of armchair diagnoses in), and part of that is that she doesn't show emotions and is somewhat "simple minded", and there's no reason to expect that this a) wouldn't have been exacerbated to the extreme following having to witness Jahaerys's murder and experiencing the threats of death and sexual violence levied against her at the time and b) wouldn't also extend to her relationship with Aegon. Aegon can love his daughter, but if she's incapable of either showing love back or even loving him back entirely, then, considering the kind of person he is, it wouldn't be enough to stop him from killing himself.

Combining all of these different factors, the emotion toll of the Dance, his physical pain, the lack of motivation not to die, and the knowledge that he wasn't making it out of this alive, it makes sense that Aegon would decide to die on his own terms. This is a man who refuses to drink milk of the poppy even when in excruciating pain, this is a man who stubbornly refuses to die and was able to drag himself to Dragonstone and to Sunfyre, this is a man who fought until he literally couldn't fight anymore. It is entirely plausible that Aegon, knowing that death was the only option anyway, would decide to choose his own death in his own way, especially if it could be painless rather than subjecting himself to Cregan Stark's mercy. I do, however, think Alicent knew. I can see Aegon telling her that this was what he was planning, if only to give her forewarning and some peace of mind, and I can see him asking her to help (whether it be by putting it in his food or procuring it or something). And I do think that would be a marvelous way for it to go, for Alicent to help her son out of the world at the end of the story that started when she brought him into it, and at least give them a final, quiet, loving goodbye for each other, the kind everyone else was denied all throughout the war.

We'll see what the show does and how this evolves, because this'll likely be series finale material, but tl;dr: I can't find any reason why Alicent would poison Aegon, but ample reasons why he'd poison himself, and I think it'd be a good sendoff for his character if Alicent was there to at least help him in his final plan.

#personal #answered #anonymous #love to talk about my beloved greens and all the ways they make me sad #plus i'm on a plane right now so it's giving me something to do other than staring at the flight tracker

[prismuffin]

OwO Anon, we need to stop sharing the same brain cell. I had it before my shift, did you take it??

Anyways, I noticed some of your tags and stuff about your snake and how crazy things have been for you. I'm not stalking your blog, I swear... I just have notifications on..

Please use this ask box message, to rant/ vent about what you are okay with sharing!

Because, you seem like the type to not bring up shit in conversation, snice you'll feel like an asshole if you took up space in a convo.

- Crow

CROW LMFAO not you calling me out perfectly with that last sentence-

yeah I practically have no one to talk to because of my current situation and I feel bad for ranting whenever but I'll take the invite and rant a bit- so with that in mind, you can ignore everything under the cut but thank you for this vent ask!

But yeah there's just a lot happening right now and it's all making me feel really bad which in turn is making me feel worse because I feel like I have no right to feel bad??

Things are pretty wild with my family right now- for some context my family is pretty big with my parents having 10 kids in total- my mom didn't have all 10 and all of my siblings are half siblings so growing up I was the only one with both of my parents present- the rest of my siblings were only related to my dad or mom. Now that mostly everyone has moved out or is living with their mom/dad they're trying to go into their retirement plan and the only problem with that is I'm still here!

my parents are trying to live in the US for certain parts of the year and in Mexico for the other parts which is totally fine but it's completely uprooting my life and I have no idea what to do. I already dropped out of my school because my depression was worsening (like it got real bad) and I couldn't take it anymore so I left it for college prep (which is online and allows me to control my hours and how much work I do) so I lost contact with most of my friends then and I'm losing time with all my other ones because I'm in a different country for half of the year- and in said country I also have no friends and the one friend I did make is leaving for Portugal so I can't hang out with them anymore.

Me moving countries/traveling often means that I have to sell most of my stuff since I won't always be in a place for too long. I already had to give away my dog and now I'm gonna have to sell my snake as well and it's terrible because I'm very attached to both of my pets. I also have to get rid of all of my clothes and throw practically everything in my room away to make moving easier and once again I'm very attached to all my stuff so it's really stressful.

I don't like to complain about all of this though because I think I sound ungrateful. Like- Wow, you get to travel the world often and at such a young age without having to worry about school? That sounds soooo hard, you're struggling sooo much. I feel like shit for hating the traveling because I know there's people that would do anything to be in my position and to see some super cool places that my parents are planning on living in for a while but the whole thing is really uprooting the comfortable life I built for myself within the comfort of my room with my snake and dog and classes that I could control. In a way it's like they're taking all of my control. I feel like I have none of it and in a way I kinda don't.

The whole thing is making my depression come back in full force- I was going to therapy for a bit but then that stopped.

Then there's the one time I was literally crying at a huge birthday dinner for one of my parents friends and no one noticed at all and at the end of the night I got yelled at in the middle of the street because I just wanted to walk home after the dinner instead of walking to the hosts house to continue the party. Random tangent I know but I think that's the night my depression fully came back and hit in the face.

Writing is a safe thing for me, I enjoy it and I enjoy making content for others and writing for myself even, at times. Recently I haven't been able to do much of that though not only because of school but also my motivation is dropping bit by bit which is why after these requests I might take break from writing while things sort themselves out in my life. I'll still be active on Tumblr and doing asks and such but writing full fics for others might take me some time!

But yeah, that's some of the things that are happening that I'm comfortable talking about. I feel like this post is too long already so I won't get into the other stuff that actually led to my depression worsening but-

thanks Crow! Even if you didn't read this I suppose it's a bit better to get this off of my chest.

#what can I say #Pris got Probs #thanks crow #personal rant #just some extra btw: #I was on my own for a bit and it was fine but then my parents got back and now it's all “get rid of the snake” “have you sold your pc yet?” #theres also some stuff with my ex and her relapsing and me wanting to reach out and help her but not knowing how #the way we ended things make them kinda complicated but hopefully I can get her a gift or smth for when she's out of the ward

[thebigfudanshi]

I feel like every time something good happens in my life, something bad just always has to happen. I just have to learn ONE more bad thing about life I didn't want to know. Somebody's not who I think they are, my parents act all normal and then stuff just devolves, a say something completely stupid to my friend, there's something wrong with my dog,

I have classes to catch up on, I need to get a goddamn permit, I'm assualted with disgusting images from my brain I DONT WANT TO SEE, I only have one friend, my life is so monotonous I wanna cry. I'm so lonely the only being I've touched in the last year's have been hugging and petting my dog and one brief placement of a hand over mine from my friend that made my heart soar. But shit always goes wrong. I've learned some really horrible shit about a side of my family I never wanted to hear. My family is founded on trauma, both of my parents were abused, in turn I was abused emotionally and neglected, and I'm only just now figuring out who I am and it's fucking scaring me because it shouldn't be like this and everything I know feels fake and my mind is a void that's only running off of thoughts of Dook larue and I don't know how much longer I'm gonna last on this and everything I know is falling apart around me and building up at the same time and I haven't even started my life I'm a fucking 20 year old living in my parents house and nobody seems to realize just how fucking TERRIBLE I'm doing and everything gets brushed away and I STILL can't talk in my house, or I can, but. God my mom told me some terrible shit. None of my relatives are good, hell, not even my dad is who I thought he was, and somebody else I've found out isn't whoi thought they were, and I'm sitting here trying to process .y life because the only way I'll ever remember anything is if I post it online but what's gonna happen if someone finds this and I cant even tell them how I feel, and

My mom offered to let me start counseling through her girlfriends work like her girlfriend is and I'm really really really wanting to take that offer I already told her yes. I need to see a therapist now now now now now

My world is falling apart around me and my default is to curl up and pump my brain full of dook larue I can't do this but I can make any friends because I'm too fucked up my brain is only sexual I'm so scared all the time I can't figure out who I am and I really need someone to hold me and cup my face and tell me it's gonna be alright and they're gonna make my bad thoughts go away cause they're gonna sit with me all day and help me piece myself together because I really can't do this on my own anymore I just can't I can't deal with anything like a normal person and I know too much bad shit about the world that keeps haunting my brain and it hurts so much because I would NEVER ever do it and I know it with all my heart but my brain keeps putting horrible images in my head and I can't do it anymore 8m not gonna kill myself because that's pussy shit but I rreally really really need help I can't do this by myself 8m hurting and I need help I'm admiting it I can't do this. Everyday is the fucking same but I never want to leave the house but Phoebe need to go on walks and socialize and I even did that today but then everything went to shit because I found out something I could've gone without again qnd I dont know how to keep being a person. I've never been a person. Just a shell. Cram me up full of traits I'm stealing off of people. Do I only know how to write because my brain has nothing to do but imagine? I really need therapy and I really need to tell my mom because she's still my guardian because the past year has been a dissociative HELL SPIRAL and I can't even look forward to the thing I was looking forward to because everything went bad all of a sudden like it always does.

Ducky out. I just need... Something. I don't know. I don't have anyone and honestly I'm kinda seeing why. I can't do this anymore man. It's so hard all the time. I don't k ow what to do because I refuse to kill myself and I really do want to live, but everything is so upsetting all the time, I can't see any good in the world coming into my future. I can't see my future. I'm completely stuck where I am. If I never have any... Well I have my best friend and my mutual on here but... I can't fill my life long loneliness like this. I really really need help and I can't get it. I can't even talk to my mom because I'm so scared she's not gonna listen to me again because I told her I was dissociating all year and she doesn't seem to HEAR me. I can't do this guy's I'm so lost. My house is building itself back up back I'm falling into the same old house it used to be and worse. I can't. I just can't. I don't k ow what to do because nobody's ever listened to me in my life but my brother and he can't help me with this. I'm so scared to ask my mom. I can't do anything right. I don't know how long I'm gonna have to type before I forget everything that happened today but it's working so that's good. Maybe I'll just tell my best friend I'm in love with him and stop being so scared I'll fall out of love. I already know he used to like me. Were great friends! I would fucking ruing him so bad and I can't do that to him I can't he's too important to me. I can't keep running in circles like this in a stupid nymphomaniac loop but this is the only thing I can control, right? Because I can't even eat right. I'm under weight. I'm not even 100 pounds, I'm fucking 90 something pounds because nothing in my house looks good unless I'm high and that's a whole different story of addiction. Truth is, I'm so scared of everything, the world, myself, everything. The only saving grace I have is my brother. The only person who's ever known ME.

It's not enough, it'll never be. My brother is my brother. I need someone I can LOVE. To hold, to kiss, to give them all of me to distract me from every terrible fucking thing in the world. Someone who won't misgender me, someone clean, someone just, who is clean. Someone who gets me. Someone who can understand everything. I can't keep running in circles but how am I supposed to break free when im spiraling so fast? There's only three people keeping me sane and it's my brother l, my best friend, and my mutual. You guys keep me going. I don't know what to do anymore.

But truely, as I'm calming down from my feral panic. I don't know what to do. I need help. But I don't know what to do. I need help with that. What do I do? What am I supposed to tell my mom? "My mental health has spiraled so rapidly I'm falling apart at the seams."?

Well she's gonna blame it on herself so I'm gonna be upset and she's gonna be upset and I won't know what to do. She's gonna get home from work and be upset already and every time I try to think of talking to her I start crying. I am now. I feel so fucking helpless I don't know what to do please help me anyone I don't understand anything anymore my life was supposed to be all okay when my parents got divorced and it just got so muchfuckingworse.

#another trauma rant. #i cant do anyth8ng rigjt man i dunno what im doing anymore

[peccaberry]

tell me at length about your fave character(s) and why they're so blorbo to you

Rei is legally my emotional support Blorbo at this point so I'm gonna use this to talk about him for a sec ❤️

The version of Rei I vibe with most is the one that's more or less an OC I made for my fanfiction stuff! I consiter everything that happens in Legends of Arceus to be canon to him and I kind of just made up everything else other than that.

God idk where to start so I'll just list a bunch of Rei facts and shit in a sort of list order

BEHOLD, THE REI INFO DUMP:

-Rei's full name is Rei Akabane and was born in Johto to a Johtoan father and a Unovan mother. The last name Akabane loosely translates to "red feather" and is also the name of a train station in Japan!

-Rei looks a lot like his dad while his little sister looks a lot like his mom. Rei's hair has never lain flat in his entire life and it's definitely his dad's fault.

-Rei's mom is a Pokemon Trainer with a dream of eventually becoming a fire type gym leader. She is incredibly skilled and spent her younger years training by batting on the Battle Subway in Unova.

-Rei's Dad is a mild mannered engineer with a good sense of humor and a kind disposition. He met Rei's mom when he was on a work trip to Unova to help do work on the Battle Subway. He saw a crazy fire lady absolutely tearing through her battles while laughing manically and fell in love immediately. They got married a few years later and moved to Johto where Rei was born.

-Rei had a very good childhood with parents and a sister who loved him very much. When Rei was younger he didn't understand that he wasn't also the dad of his new baby sister and insisted that he was because he loved her just as much as dad. They grew up to squabble like any siblings would but were also pretty close with each other.

-Rei grew up around fire type Pokemon because of his mom and has a soft spot for them because of it. He chose Cyndaquil as his starter Pokemon because of this and still likes to wear the associated fancy kimono as his non-work clothes.

-Rei knew he was gay before he was taken by Arceus but was only out to his online friends. He really enjoyed being a part of the online LGBT community and it helped him gain a lot of confidence in himself. He was considering coming out to his parents but was taken before he could make that decision. He feels sad that he never got the chance to know how they would have responded but thinks it would have been positive.

-Rei and his family moved to Jubilife Town ~ a year before he was sent to Hisui for his Dad's job. He hadn't really made any particularly close friends there but was hopeful about the way his life was going.

-Rei's favorite hobbies are soccer and music. He took piano lessons from a young age and learned Ukulele as a fun thing to do with his dad when he was a bit older. He's pretty talented and has a good singing voice. He plays soccer for his school's team and that's where most of his friends were met.

-Rei's dream job is being a pokemon ranger and he's still big mad that it's no longer possible. He had applied to get in to the school but was taken before he found out if he had been accepted into the next semester. Justice for my boy, he could have done it.

-Rei was put in anger management therapy when he was younger because he kept getting into fights. He had a really good therapist and usually manages to keep things under control. He has an incredibly kind heart and it helps him to think about the consequences of his actions on other people and situations around him.

-Rei is really sarcastic and goofy and likes to have fun. He tries not to take things too seriously and likes to act like a moron but it is just an act. He's very much not stupid and has pretty high emotional intelligence.

-Rei struggles to sit down and read because he has both ADHD and Dyslexia. He gets around this with audiobooks but hasn't been able to listen to any since being sent to Hisui and it bums him out.

-Rei did passably in school but was nowhere near a star pupil. He did the best he could but school is not set up for people like him unfortunately. He's clever, but not in the way a school curriculum is set up to measure.

-Rei's "type" is honestly just exactly the kind of person Volo is. He fell in love so hard and fast he might as well have been competing in the homosexuality Olympics. The fact Volo never noticed is honestly really impressive on his part, the Arceus blinders were real. Rei managed to put his life back together after Volo betrayed him but never felt like he got any real closure for his feelings.

-Rei knows how to skateboard and used it pretty regularly just to get around. He can do a few simpler tricks but nothing too fancy.

-Rei's favorite kind of music is 2000s pop but he's the kind of guy who will go for any genre as long as he vibes with the song being played. He doesn't care if people think the songs are cringe, they're *his* cringe and he lives for it.

-Rei has high platonic attraction to woman and they tend to adopt him pretty quick because he's kind and never hits on them. He comes across as a guy who just genuinely wants to be their friend and hang out and it's part of why Akari got so attached to him.

#peccaspeaks #achillies come down fanfiction #ask #pokemon rei #rei pokemon #pokemon legends of arceus #pokemon #pokemon legends rei

[ygtahoy]

Now I want to know about Riptide's second family situation, I'm curious! And also abt The Squid Accident (if you want to share of course!)

Ok so as I have said all of this is massively not canon compliant, basically two friends and I looked at the game and its world and went great sandbox we're gonna build castles and that's what we did. I'm gonna put this under a read more because the second family and the squid incident are very much part and parcel with each other and take a bit to explain. Warning for me rambling and run on sentences. Also I'm sorry this ended up so so long, and I cut so much out.

Right so I'll start with the second family and this is mostly the brain child of my friend Jumil I don't recall if he has a tumblr and if he does he hasn't used it in like a decade so no point linking to that.

So the Bernards before magic and everything were a normal fishing family from Newfoundland, aka poor and struggling. Then magic came back and the lady who will forever now be called Grandma (or Grandmother or Mémère because they're Acadian) awakened into a shaman. A jellyfish shaman to be specific and that turned out to just be a weird quirk of the Bernard family is they're more likely to have shamans, be fish shamans, and Jellyfish specifically.

I'm gonna cut out a lot of stuff that I can elaborate on if you wanna ask again but basically they used the weird jellyfish magic and some secret blood magic to basically become ocean amazon. Like they can make being on and in the ocean a lot safer and they have crazy fish farms so they just started supplying the world with all ocean based products and became a megacorp off fish and shipping and ocean based warfare. We called this megacorp Tidal Moon because the eastern Canadian maritimes have a shit ton of moon jellyfish.

Now how Riptide got involved with them is when she got out of prison she was very feral and knew she couldn't go home that way with how fucked up mentally she was so she ran to the east coast but ran out of money around Ottawa.

She ended up accidentally saving Fry Bernard (my friend Jumils character that he decided he didn't want to be a seattle) from being kidnapped mostly because they were in the way of her dumpster diving from a fancy seafood restaurants garbage.

Fry is the black sheep of the Bernard family because he somehow awakened into a mushroom shaman and no one understands how or why because mushrooms? Those aren't animals? But also not plants? How did you do this Fry? and he doesn't know, he just shrugs he also has no interest in the family bussiness but he's very interested in his own bussiness of growing and experimenting with mushrooms.

He chose Ottawa to live in because it's a smaller city but primarily because it has a mushroom festival and there's a lot of mushrooms that grow in the area. The mushroom festival was the biggest deciding factor I'm not even kidding you.

So his family is like hey thanks for saving him, do you wanna work for us as his full time bodyguard? We see that you're a convict but it's fine we'll just put some extra special magics on you to make sure you can't betray him and she's all I mean I guess I need somewhere to live and money to support myself while I get my shit together so that's how she ends up living with Fry.

While doing this she calms down because they also pay for therapy for her and she decides hey I need to get my shit together so I can go home to my family as someone they would be proud of. This is when she decides to go back to school and get her degree in anthropology. I probably should have mentioned before that I had her be in jail for 4 years.

Fast forward 2 years of her living and working with Fry and they're great friends because she doesn't judge him badly for his mushroom powers in fact she finds them fascinating and often encourages some of his weirder experiments. Plus she finds out she loves gardening and she helps him with his mushroom farming. Also just by virture of her being there other fairy creatures tend to come over to see what's going on including ones that like to help in fields and stuff so his mushrooms grow better now that she's there.

During that summer he gets called back to Newfoundland for a family gathering because Grandma likes her family to be close, they're kinda close kinda all backstabbing inner politics because of the riches and the company but also family first. Anyway Frys Uncle the first son of Grandma is all Fry it's time you come out on a boat and get a taste of what being a Bernard is truly all about and Fry is like oh god not this again, but Reina is all this sounds great can I come too? I'm researching shanties as my main focus of study so actually being on a fishing boat would be great for my understanding and the uncle is like great you can come too. This will prove to be the most mixed of blessings for all three of them.

So on the fishing boat Fry is sulking and Reina is basically doing all the work for him. This includes when she reaches out with her left arm to pull in a net, and gets grabbed by an awakened giant vampire squid. I say giant because normally they're like 27 centimeters. This vampire squid was a squid one of Frys cousins had been magically experimenting on to use to assassinate the uncle they went fishing with in a power grab attempt. The squid however saw the delicious tasty selkie on the ship and went fuck your plans I want to eat that one.

Reina gets grabbed and pulled under water by this thing while Fry and his uncle are like Oh Shit! The uncle goes to call for help and backup and Fry runs to the side and looks down and well can't see shit because lots of bubbles, waves, and blood in the water. Reina is underwater and she's struggling to fight this thing because it's huge, it's got magic, and she's in the wrong body shape.

Fry is in full panic mode seeing all the blood in the water so he decides he has to do something so he gets a knife and decides to cast some fun blood magic. We decided to leave it mostly blank for what he did because he was never trained with blood magic he just sort of went on instict so what we decided happened was he bond all three bloods together and started circulating them through the three bodies to keep Reina from bleeding out into the ocean, which now means that Fry and Reina permanently have purple blood.

Reina manages to kill it but she is seriously fucked up from the fight and ends up passing out before getting to the surface so by the time they fish her out she's actually dead, one of those I was legally dead for 2 minute situations. They revive her but she ends up in a coma for 2 months.

She wakes up and finds out her left arm is missing huge chunks from where the vampire squid pulled her under and because of her weird selkie nature, Frys blood magic, and whatever the squid did they haven't been able to regrow or repair her arm so it's basically dead. And because she's a magic user and also fae she refuses to chop it off and get a cyber arm so instead the Bernards use their weird jellyfish magic to make her a mesh sleeve that has an external nervous system so she can continue to use her arm. This is why she has to do things like play the hand harp to work on her manual dexterity.

Because it was a family member trying to kill a family member, and because Reina and Fry now share the same blood with each other Reina was adopted into the Bernards while she was in the coma. Grandma decided that she would get the same rank in the family as the attempted murderer. She doesn't have that persons parents, she has a different one of Grandmas sons as her new father the most obnoxious shit starter of the family called Jean-Pierre who was sent to run the Hong Kong branch of Tidal Moon so he would stop starting fights with his siblings and their kids. Neither he nor Reina are happy about this.

So yeah, that's Reinas new second family, and the squid incident. Both supremely fucked up, but it comes with a lot of money and a lot of therapy so she only complains quietly. Mostly she got adopted because that way they could keep her quiet, keep access to her weird magic as hell blood for their magic experiments, and also partially as a reward and thanks for saving Fry and his Uncles lives.

#oc riptide/reina #this is what happens when you let a bunch of weirdos play with worldbuilding blocks for years #crazy jenga towers of batshittery

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

If the three Hook siblings went to therapy, either separately or together, how do you think it would go?

I've got a question in return: Who is dragging them there?

They're all too damn prideful to admit they need it. They don't need help at all, they're hardened pirates, they don't have any feelings to talk about and they've been on their own since they were kids, in case of Harriet taking care of her crew and Isle kids as a pirate Captain while Harry was Uma's first mate.

Obviously they don't need any help.

They so do.

Sure, Harriet could theoretically force her younger siblings to attend, but that would require her to admit she needs it too: she'd need to come to that conclusion at least silently, as she probably wouldn't say it out loud.

Anyway, lets assume she does attend: she's the one most likely to see reason and try to cooperate. Of course, that includes this conversation:

Therapist: „I noticed there is history of anger issues in this family. Have you noticed something similar in yourself?“

Harriet: „No. I have my temper under control.“

Therapist: „That's great! So, what do you do when you are stressed? To relax, unwind, something like a hobby?“

Harriet, smiling: „I wrestle crocodiles.“

Therapist: „Wha-... I'm sorry, what??“

Harriet: „I wrestle crocodiles and I'm damn good at it! What part of that did you not understand?!“

Harry would not be thrilled about attending therapy.

It's not that he doesn't want to get a grip on his mind, but why on earth would he trust this therapist? A person from Auradon, and Actual Adult Authority figure? They never do anything good, do they?

But hey, I hope he recognizes they mean good and let them help him.

Also, he'd just say the most horrifying things ever:

„These pesky buggers [rats!] were getting into everything eating through our sweaters and shoes, deep diving in barrels of rice.“ from Uma's Wicked Book.

And „Nothing says I'll give you a second smile as a razor sharp hook does!“

And just shrug it off, like, no big deal, that happens. It's not like anyone I care about died, is it?

And he's having the hardest time opening up out of the three of them.

CJ, yeah, she needs it. Not like she's gonna admit it or go quietly. I imagine she refuses to speak for quite some time in the office, before she breaks, because this person is being so nice and keeps saying she's safe and it's okay to express your feelings, and nothing is going to happen to you here, CJ, and no, you don't owe me anything, I don't want anything from you.

She just starts yelling and crying angry tears because she doesn't understand what on the seven seas is going on.

Oh, and she, too, like her older siblings, does have some very disturbing things to share. She, too, thinks it's perfectly normal to dodge your parents hand [very sharp hook] whenever said parent is angry.

Oh, and the therapist has to hide any ticking clocks from their office before session with Hooks. For the sake of everyone's sanity.

And group session?

I imagine they'd just keep distracting eachother, teasing eachother and rapidly descending into sibling-arguments. It may or may not involve several well-meant and very graphic death threaths. Possibly in several languages. You know, to spice it up a bit.

(It has been five minutes since they've spoken in English. The therapist is fairly certain they've been planning Frollo's demise on behalf of his daughter for at least one of them. In french, before the younger girl suddenly switched languages mid-sentence. The volume of the conversation is steadily increasing. The therapist doesn't know what to do. But they're going to reach out to Claudine Frollo and offer her sessions.)

The poor therapist starts crying as soon as the siblings leave the office.

Then they start drafting revised therapy plan. And demand higher paycheck.

I'm sorry if this is inaccurate, I've never been to therapist, I have no idea how it should go, so, please, forgive me if this makes no sense?

#disney descendants #cj hook #harriet hook #harry hook #hook siblings #they need therapy #and they're getting it #albeit involuntarily