#if you've got any other questions im happy to talk about it!

[envy-of-the-apple]

the jjk naga au is getting to me……..i fear im terminally ill with thoughts about it (seriously, top of the food chain is such a yummy series (?) and im soso obsessed with how you've written gojo’s and geto’s characters, i reread your works everyday, i just can't get enough! ^^)

and i hope you don't mind if i share a Thought i've had :3 (i was going for an mc who used to draw/sketch/make art just for this specific scenario)

Imagine that your time on the island's barely dragging on. There's only so many berries to pick and so many times you can braid Suguru’s hair into elaborate styles. You're bored, stranded on an island with these two naga captors and their (adorable) hatchlings.

Well, there's always playing with the hatchlings, or tussling with Satoru (he calls it playtime but you're far from amused when you get a faceful of sand when he tugs your legs out from under you) but you miss your alone time. That little bubble of yours. Ah, privacy. 

Like that'd happen, but you can dream.

It's a stroke of chance when Nobara comes to you with her new haul of human paraphernalia, all too excitedly. A leather satchel. Some printed photos of nameless faces with scenic backgrounds. A waterlogged cell phone, practically unsalvageable. A journal with pages so thoroughly soaked, it falls apart in wet clumps.

“What are these?” You can hear her rummage through the bag, her nose wrinkling slightly. “Smells weird.” And so you look over to see her glaring down at a (relatively new) set of oil paints, sealed away in the bag. It's likely that she picked up on the scent of the strange chemicals.

Your eyes are bright with hope as you gently pull it out of her hold. Ready to answer her million and one questions.

…

After all this time that you've thought of what you'd wished to be able to do, you're at a loss. You've got a wall to the cave to yourself, a set of oil paints and a makeshift brush from the wood of this one particular tree off the side of the island. The only thing you're missing right now is inspiration.

A muse.

Satoru and Suguru are snoozing. Peaceful and laid in each other's arms. you can appreciate the quiet to yourself.

You hear familiar shrieks and playful yells of the hatchlings' name. 

The slight bit of quiet, then.

Nobara and Yuji are wrestling in the water, arguing over something in a mix of clicks and curse words. The sight is an endearing one, but moving too quick.

So you do some searching inward.

And you paint what comes to mind. What you've felt this whole time.

…

“What's that?” Ever the curious one, Nobara rests her head on your shoulder to peer over at your artwork in progress. She doesn't understand any of it—and she wouldn't. Your human upbringing is leagues different from hers.

“... Home.” You murmur, and Nobara’s glancing up at you in wonder because of the way your eyes glisten, the way your hand lingers over to paint in a fine detail.

“Well, it was my home.” You smile back at her, and she's at ease. You're not sad—no, she'd make it everybody's problem if you were—and then she makes sure to know everything about the scene you've drawn.

“What's that?” She gestures. Careful not to smudge the paint off, index outstretched to a figure she doesn't recognise.

“That's a lamp. When it gets dark, we switch it on so there's light. Like the torches in the cave, you see?”

“Torch? Hmm… and that?”

It seems that talking about your old home brings a warmth to your voice. Nobara beams up at you all giddy as you explain, eager to learn more. Eventually Yuji slinks over to listen as well, more so to the sound of your voice than what you're saying.

You sound happy, the pair can tell. Like when you taste a berry sweeter than the others, or when you tell them stories of your own to lull them to sleep. They like the chime of joy in your voice, and neither stops you from rambling about your once-home. 

It's a moment of peace. and warmth.

Yet it shatters for you when you feel a strong muscled tail coil around your waist, that familiar sense of having your space invaded taking over. A very intrigued Satoru looms over you, eyes glinting as he takes in the sight. You know that something's off—he seems more punishing with how tight he holds you.

“Home, huh?” Satoru repeats, and even the hatchlings can tell that's their cue to leave. Nobara offers you a lingering glance, almost pouty before she slithers away, following after her brother.

…

The next early morning, you find your home gone. 

In a sense, it's a bitter joke to be played on you. Not only were you never going to be back at your own place, even the expression of the idea was taken away from you. Just like your freedom was. your choice. The wall of the cave was bare, not a hint of the paint or the sentiment lingering behind. As if someone hit a total reset. Paints nowhere to be found, your canvas scrubbed clean.

Suguru stretches out from behind you, one of the first few to wake up, wrapping you in a lazy hug, before he follows your gaze. You'd call the soft laugh that rumbles in his chest cruel. Mocking your homesickness in that loving way only he could manage.

“Must've rained last night.” He comments at the absence of your artwork, and you wish you could pinpoint at least an inch or sarcasm in his words. You nod quietly, and he draws you in closer.

Cold lips brush against your temple. 

“The only home you need is with us.”

The sand under your feet is drier than your throat.

(oh my god im sorry if i rambled too much, i hope its not annoying ^^;;)

jaw dropping. amazing. wHAT????

I love how anon made Nobara's characterization so much sweeter and innocent. Though it's probably cuz she's younger in this fic...considering she can still stay on land. And satosugu not even wanting you to THINK of your old home is so accurate. I feel the more they learn your language, the more eager they'll be to display ownership.

Anyway thx anon for making the fourth part! from now on if anyone wants an addition to the naga series turn to the anons not me.

#why is this so good omg #reread it like fiteen times #x reader #yandere jjk #dark jjk #dark gojo satoru #yandere #yandere gojo satoru #yandere satosugu #naga satosugu #jjk naga au #yandere geto suguru #dark geto suguru #dark content #top of the food chain

[ryougi--shiki]

Hey I heard Void Shiki and regular Shiki were completely different characters, what’s up with that?

So! And, spoilers for Kara no Kyoukai, cause even the existence of Void Shiki isn't revealed until the very end.

When children are born in the Ryougi clan, they attempt to use their magecraft to create two separate personalities in one body. They succeeded with Shiki, though this itself isn't particularly special. This is where Shiki and SHIKI (her male alter) come from.

In the Nasuverse, there are three parts of a human, the body, the soul, and the mind.

Void Shiki, or 「Shiki Ryougi」, is technically a personality derived from the body, before either Shiki or SHIKI were created in the mind. As a baby, Shiki had her Origin awakened, which is basically the concept and driving force behind a soul throughout it's various reincarnations. Shiki has the Origin of 「 」, or 'Nothing,' though I believe Touko (in one translation at least) referred to it as 'Emptyness.'

This made Void Shiki the physical incarnation of 「」, which by definition can't be truly named. ("The Way that can be named is not the Way," from the Tao Te Ching, though Way here is another name for the Akashic Records,) though it's also called the Swirl of the Root, or the Root of all Things, which all mages strive for.

Essentially being the universe, Void Shiki is all and knows all, so she's interested in nothing. Until she meets Mikiya, at least.

She's the Shiki that Mikiya meets first, though she's usually dormant.

The Servant Void Shiki is different, though the same character, just lessened in power, I think, though I don't know much about how exactly that works. Presumably they wanted Void Shiki without having to worry about why she can't just. push her Solve Everything button.

#thanks for the ask! #this was a bit of a ramble so some things might be confusing #if you've got any other questions im happy to talk about it! #shiki ryougi #kara no kyoukai #void shiki

[tvhsleb3ww]

LOVE IS NOT OVER! - OIKAWA TOORU

summary, your ex might still probably just probably have a little bit of feelings for you

swearing, flirting, the usual

this is part two! you can find part one here!

IM SO SORRY IF THIS IS BAD

"you've changed a lot"

his ears perked up after hearing your words. was it a good or a bad thing that he changed? he didn't really notice his change. his gaze locks with yours and he almost let out a dreamy sigh as he got lost in your eyes that he missed so much.

wait what? no! he doesn't miss you, why should he? you broke up with him!

he scoffs at you, harshly. if you didn't know how tooru is, you'd think he's plain rude. when in reality, he's a very egoistic man and refuses to give up his ego for something else.

he's gonna be honest, when he first saw you again after so many years, he felt like his breath was being taken away. it was as if the universe was aligning your fate with his.

he seemed to be deep in his thought as he continued to stare at you with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes.

"you can stop staring now"

your voice snapped him back to reality as he blinked and his cheeks started to grow red. was he getting nervous because he just got caught staring? your lips curl into a small smirk.

"i wasn't staring! i was just looking at the poster behind you. jeez, (y/n) the world doesn't revolve around you"

his words and tone are harsh as he rolled his eyes. if you were any other girl, you'd give him a proper smacking but you know him well. you know he's lying but you shrugged it off.

"whatever floats your boat, oikawa"

woah wait a minute

oikawa? who the hell is oikawa? what happened to tooru? have we really grown that far apart to the point we're on last name basis? what the hell was that about!

his scowl grows. he doesn't know why he's being so pissy when you called him by his last name instead of his first name that his lovely mother had picked for him.

he takes a deep breath as he ran his calloused hand through his brown locks. he sighed, was he crazy? why is his feelings for you suddenly coming back after he buried it far far away?

you're the one to blame as well! why are you suddenly appearing in front of his face after years of disappearance!?

he then bit his bottom lips for a slight moment before he looked directly at you.

"can i ask you something?"

your eyes softened at his hurt expression. you sighed and nodded.

"yeah, shoot"

maybe he wasn't thinking before he talked because-

"are you seeing anyone?"

both of you sat in silence for a long second, trying to proccess his question. tooru's eyes widen when realization hits him.

"shit! that was not what i was gonna ask, i swear"

you snickered at the look of panic evident on his face. his cheeks grow a dark crimson red, embarrassed. he clears his throat.

goddamn, the effect you have on him. in his history of relationships, no one has ever made him blush this much before.

"so, should i still answer it?"

yes. yes you should. he said in his head. ugh, he badly wants to know. he then leans back on his chair and with a voice coated with a thick layer of smug, he says

"up to you, it's not like i care"

what a stupid lie. as he lied, his head turns to avoid your gaze. you raised your eyebrow at him before chuckling.

"well, i wouldn't be on this blind date if i wasn't available, no?"

he nods. you got a point there.

before he knows it, a small smile creeped up onto his face for a milisecond before he covers his lips with his hand.

why is he happy that you're single? he's supposed to not care!

"oikawa-"

"tooru."

he corrects you. he couldn't handle hearing his loved ones call him by his last name. as much as it brings honor to the family name, he despises it. it's as if you and him were strangers meeting for the first time.

"tooru"

when you called out to him using his first name, he wanted to melt right there on the spot. how long has we waited for this moment to come? to hear your voice calling his name again after years was something he had longed for.

your soothing, soft voice.

"you did amazing, okay? you were kicking their ass"

you comforted him, your voice soft and soothing. your hands find their way on his shoulders, caressing them. your fingers made small circles on his shoulder blades. he lets out a small sigh of relaxation after letting our whimpers.

"but we lost- and i- i lost"

"yet you did amazing and i'm proud of you"

you say and press a soft kiss on his tear stained cheek.

he didn't know why he suddenly recalled that old memory from when both of you were in highschool and he had just lost an important game.

how he wished to hear your voice comforting him everytime he lost an important game. your voice to soothe and comfort him. no one else can do it like you.

fuck, he's such a sucker for you. how down bad is he?

he lets out a small sigh as he looks back at you. his ears were a slight shade of pink.

"y-yeah?"

he stuttered. shit. he can't help but stutter. he gets so nervous when you called him like that. it's as if it was back in high school when both of you started to use each other's first name. he could've sworn he fainted when you first called him by tooru.

"i'm sorry for how we ended. genuinely sorry"

your voice was coated with guilt. oh, he couldn't stay mad at you. no matter how hard he tried to. he couldn't hate you. his love for you was just too much.

"i-i was scared at that time. i knew you were going overseas before you told me. i didn't want to stop you from chasing your dream and i broke up with you. i'm sorry"

pang!

it was as if a bullet had shot through his heart. you were worried for him? all this time, he thought that you hated him and when in reality you cared?

and in an instance, his hatred had disappeared. if there were any to begin with.

"apology unaccepted"

you shot a look as you raised your eyebrow, daring to make him repeat.

"i'll only accept your apologies if you agree to start over with me. right here, right now because i don't want any woman other than you"

your eyes widen slightly at his confession.

"my heart is yours, (y/n). break it, heal it, do whatever you want with it because it has always been yours"

tooru felt good to finally confess that.

and how could you possibly say no?

(thank you guys for enjoying my blogs! this is part two 😇)

#haikyu x reader #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa x you #oikawa x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #tooru oikawa #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa fluff

[liveontelevision]

Hi! im in love with your Lucifer fics. You newest one has me gripped and i cant wait for the next part.

You got me brainstorming more Lucifer fics ideas

I was thinking of one where the reader has been helping/supporting Charlie at the Hotel and is almost like a mother/parental figure to her, and when Lucifer arrives he acts cold/mean no matter how much she tries to be polite. But then he warm up to her after see how much the reader really cares about Charlie and then he finally realises hes in love with her.

♡

Thank you! I literally could write about him for hours (kinda have already) and I really liked this prompt, so here's just a lil' something for ya, anon ♡

Honey | Lucifer x Reader

No smut, just some cute fluff here-

♡♡♡

As soon as you arrived in Hell, your eyes were drawn to the drab-looking hotel just up the hill. And you flew to it like a moth to a TV screen. That being said, you've known Charlie and the other residents for as long as you've been dead. They've all seen you at your worst, having to be the unlucky few to explain your death. Although, Charlie's comfort really made the whole being dead thing much more palatable. During this time, while she's supported you, you've seen her through thick and thin as well. Pretty soon, you became an important part of her life, offering a more parental influence when she needed one. You didn't really die at an old age, but a lot went on in your lifetime to give you the maturity to comfort people that way and you were always happy to do it.

Considering your skill set, some of the residents went to you in the same fashion. A little task you took to, just to help out, was fixing up some articles of clothing for people. It was a great mindless task for you to do, considering Alastor wasn't a fan of having phones and TVs in the hotel. So you simply sat, humming a little tune as you fixed up something from Angel's wardrobe.

Your trance was broken, seeing a pair of slender legs in front of you. Following them up, you finally meet eyes with a nervous-looking Charlie. She's fidgeting with her fingers, still trying to find the courage to say whatever she came to you for.

"You need something, hun? You can talk to me, c'mere." With a sweet voice, you patted the cushion on the couch next to you and kept on working. She let out a heavy breath you didn't realize she was holding.

"Soooo... my dad is coming to visit and I - uh.." she still struggled to find her words. Considering you've barely been outside the hotel, you really didn't question how big of a deal Lucifer was. But to see Charlie getting flustered about a little visit from her own father did make you feel uneasy.

"I guess - I don't know, I'm just nervous, is all! It's not that big a deal, I mean, he's my dad, but also.. he's... my dad..?" You nodded your head.

"Seems like a big deal. He's the king of Hell, so it makes sense that you're nervous. Can I help with anything?" Acknowledging her feelings and making sure to keep your tone smooth, you finally set aside the mini skirt you were fixing up to face her.

"Oh! Um - I was wondering if you could bake something for everyone! Niffty's making cookies, but I think dad might enjoy something a little more.." You both thought back on the disturbing display of desserts Niffty had made for everyone in the past, it sent a chill down your spine. You nodded your head fast, taking a hold of her hands.

“Yeah, I'd love to! I'll make sure it's something your dad would like, too! How's that sound?" You absolutely loved to bake, and doing it for other people always made it even better. There was some pressure on you, considering who you were catering to, but remembering that this is for Charlie, kept any nerves at bay. Charlie, who just happened to be shedding a tear or two of relief, gave you a hug that would've snapped you in two if it had gone on any longer. You were used to those at this point.

The day went by fast, Charlie preparing and stressing over little decisions for her dad's visit. You got the OK to bake an apple pie. A specialty you would make when you were alive, you went all out. You'd always make the dough from scratch, soak the apples in a homemade cinnamon butter, and somehow managed to spiffy it up to a commercial extent. You were batting off Pentious and Niffy as best you could until he arrived.

You saw a side of Charlie during that visit that you haven't really seen before. She was nervous, sure, but it was clear she felt so defeated. Each little quip on sinners being hopeless or how Charlie shouldn't even bother in this "whole redemption deal" made you understand her paranoia more and more.

As Charlie introduced each of the staff and residents, Lucifer got distracted by the still steaming pie sitting on the table in front of everyone. He definitely wasn't the only one whose mouth was watering just by staring at it, but he was the one who bit the bullet, taking the first piece. 

"And this is -" a loud hum of satisfaction interrupted Charlie's introduction to Sir Pentious, who looked deflated at the change in topic.

"Charlie! Good golly - This is great!" With another bite and hum, you watched his eyes flutter shut for a moment. A little boost of confidence immediately making you giddy.

"Oh! Well, that's good! Because this is our other guest! She made it herself -" Charlie took a hold of your shoulders and dragged you to face Lucifer. You could feel the nervous tremble coming from her hands. You looked up at her for a moment and smiled, placing a hand over top of hers. It really did seem to calm her nerves. And for some reason, he didn't seem to like that. 

"Well - I'll eat anything with apples since they're obviously my favorite. It’s not that special." He tossed the half-finished plate back onto the table and wiped his hands clean. He ignored you.

"U-Uhm.. yeah, that's - that's everyone, I guess!" Charlie stammered, not expecting him to turn such a cold shoulder to you. He spent his time examining you. Considering he didn't even care enough to learn your name at that moment, he sure was taking his time looking you up and down.

"Well then!" He clasped his hands together after finally tearing his eyes off you. "How about a little tour?" He suggested, clearly not invested in the other sinners now. Charlie looked down at you and you nodded, starting to clean up some little things around you. It was a nervous habit you had, but it helped to keep your hands busy and your mind off the insulting interaction you just had to endure.

Charlie took Vaggie's hand and went on to give the tour. Once they were out of sight around the corner, you slumped your shoulders letting out a groan.

"Short king's givin' you the cold shoulder, huh?" Angel leaned on the back of the couch, crossing one leg over the other.

"Right? Okay, glad I'm not the only one who noticed that. Is something wrong with the pie..?" Looking over to Sir Pentious, who was licking the already empty pie tin clean, he quickly shook his head.

"Maybe's got a thing for ya." Angel teased, jabbing you with his elbow. You rolled your eyes, finally taking the pie tin from Pentious.

"He didn't even get my name, I'm sure that's not it. Whatever.. " you grumbled, taking any dishes you could to the kitchen to keep your mind from exploring that option.

The extermination day battle was here. You followed the armies who attacked the hoards of exorcists when they finally arrived. As the battle went on, you hated to admit it, you found yourself in awe watching Lucifer kick Adam's ass. The sight of his wings and the little V thing - and obviously his immense power, somehow managed to make you blush as you were attacking angels. Definitely a new sensation for you, with the bloodlust muddling your other senses, but it was easy to forget about it once the new hotel was renovated and everyone was finally settled in.

As everything went back to normal, you went back to helping Charlie with anything you could, drinking at the bar with everyone and generally things went back to the way they were. There was only one difference. Lucifer made the decision to stay at the hotel. It was commendable for sure, his change of heart to support Charlie through this change, but it only left you feeling conscious about everything you'd do when he was around. The underlying crush didn't help much. Or Angel's teasing about said crush.

You really did try, when you'd pass him the hallway, you'd always send him your most sincere smile. Or when you spotted him reading or working on anything, you'd try and spark any kind of conversation or ask if he needed help. He never needed help. He was always too busy to chat. You honestly couldn't remember a time he looked you in the eyes before. You bit your tongue. No need to worry Charlie, or anyone really, about some feud you possibly made up in your mind.

It was especially important to you to not stress Charlie right now. Starting the hotel back up was a big task alone, but the loss of Sir Pentious weighed on everyone. And Charlie took full blame for it. A late night, where she most likely stayed up to try and find any kind of hope for redemption, any speck of proof to bring sinners in, she found herself burnt out. Approaching the memorial for Pentious, you stood beside Charlie. You found her visiting it every now and then, and when you did, you knew she needed a check in. And you were right. Without a word, Charlie suddenly clung to you. She went on about how it was all her fault. How he was gone because of her. How nothing seems to be working and she's terrified that it's all for nothing.

It took a while for her to calm down, but you would never leave her like this. By now, the two of you had fallen to the ground, sitting on your knees.

"Charlie, you are doing your absolute best. It's okay to cry, you know that. Think of everything you've done for everyone else, I mean - Pen would've never sacrificed himself if it wasn't for his friends." You brushed a tear from her still wet and puffy eyes. "You did that. You gave him something worth dying for." It was a hard truth, but you hoped it was enough for her. She's done more for you than she'd ever know, and you'd do anything to give it back. You didn't realize, but before approaching Charlie, Lucifer was pacing a nearby corridor, battling the decision to go up to her himself. He hadn't said much to her since extermination day, and he had always been nervous about saying something wrong, making things worse. Before he had the chance to muster up the courage, you had swooped in. It confused him. He should've been jealous or hurt, that he wasn't able to calm her down himself. That you beat him to the punch. But he didn't really feel that way, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. Was it admiration? Sitting in the shadows until he assured Charlie was taken care of, he went back up to his workshop, flustered for a number of reasons.

There was one moment, where things started to look good. It was a regular night at the bar, you, Angel and Husk had gotten on the topic of your lives, looking at the positives which was a rarity. Charlie and Lucifer were nearby, Charlie enthralled in the discussions of what Earth was like.

"My homelife? It wasn't anything fancy, but.. um.. - oh I had a farm, actually! I ran it with my parents, it was.. nice." You hold onto your arms, a bittersweet smile on your face. With a light bulb going off in Charlie's head, she nudged you with her elbow.

"You didn't happen to have any birds or chickens or ducks - did you?" She hummed. She noticed the wedge between you and her dad, and it hurt her just as much as it hurt you. She's little miss "everyone should get along", of course, this hurt her. You didn't notice, but Lucifer peaked up at you for a split second before distracting himself by swaying the drink in his glass.

"Oh..? Oh! Yeah! Yes, actually! We raised a few ducklings that a neighbor gave us - we got them as eggs, so we got to see them grow up and everything!" Going on, telling a story about how you snuck one into your room to keep it as a pet, only to be scolded for it. You had the whole group in the palm of your hand. Including Lucifer. You met his eyes for just a moment, the twinkle in them immediately drawing you in. With a quick smile, he became flustered. He scoffed, pushing himself away from the bar and leaving. As much as that should've infuriated you, seeing those eyes and the growing redness across the apple of his cheeks felt like a win.

Since the hotel was newer, and word hadn't gotten out about Pentious's redemption yet, it was still vacant beside you, Angel, and occasionally Cherry Bomb. That gave the whole group a lot of time to enjoy the large space in the meantime.

Certain nights, Alastor would play the large, golden, piano that Lucifer had so generously created. This led to Charlie singing along to whatever he was playing, of course, and when Lucifer was in a good mood - or drunk - he would even pitch in. He'd sit atop the piano, his legs crossed, as he hiked the matching golden fiddle to his shoulder and played along. It was truly a sight to see. His skills were unmatched, but it still seemed to melt into the rest of the contributions. It was as if he invented the damn thing (He did).

This sort of became a tradition, when everyone was in a good mood and Alastor wasn't getting on Lucifer's nerves too much, everyone would join in, singing and dancing. It was rare, but Damn was it fun when it did happen. One of these nights, Alastor started off with a song that you knew, and had actually introduced to Charlie. She gasped as soon as she recognized the tune, pulling you close by both your hands to sing along. You had as good of a voice as anyone did, in a musical rendition of Hell, but you mainly stuck to harmonizing little things with Charlie. Swinging around with each other, until you were dizzy and laughing, you noticed that the room seemed a little empty.

Lucifer was seated where he usually was, on his phone. His fiddle was placed carefully at his side, and he was scrolling through his goddamn phone. 

"Don't feel like joining us, Your Highness?" You kept to titles since it was obvious he wasn't warmed up to you just yet. Even after living with you for a month or so.

"Mm. Don't know the song. It's not my cup of tea, just can't seem to get into it." He says bluntly, never looking up to you.

“Oh, come on! Just play along, it’s just for fun!” You slurred your words a bit, whatever you had been sipping throughout the night causing, what you would call, an outburst.

“Hm! Well, I’m not exactly here for your entertainment, am I? God forbid a sinner doesn't have fun in their eternal punishment.” The room went silent. You felt so defeated. You've been trying since the day you met him to try and at least get on good terms with him, but it seemed like he would even prefer a night with Alastor over you. Things like this never bugged you much, you tried so hard to not let it bug you, but when Charlie looked over to you, with those worried eyes, it was hard to keep back the bottled-up disappointment.

With a little sniffle and a quick wipe of your eyes with your sleeve, you start heading back up the newly decorated grand staircase, without a word to anyone.

"Heyyy - Dad..! I think you maybe.. might've... I don't know - hurt her feelings..? Would you wanna - " Charlie carefully approached her father, who immediately lit up and placed his device down when she spoke. "Could you talk to her? Maybe just check up on her..?" She was speaking barely above a whisper.

“You have to apologize. Um.. sir.” Vaggie finally blurted out. His smile was nervous, his eye twitching a bit at the concept. Taking in a deep breath, he rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a sad little laugh.

"Well, uh.. I don't know, Kiddo, maybe she's just tired." He muttered, obviously hesitant at the idea.

"Sounds like the king can't handle a little damsel in distress to me. Would you like me to comfort her, my dear?" Alastor was quick to chime in from the piano bench, offering a sympathetic smile to Charlie. Why did the concept of that make Lucifer’s blood boil?

"Oh fuck you, bambi, I can handle it." With a quick hop off of the piano top, he almost stormed up the stairs to find you. Definitely not what Charlie was hoping to motivate him, but she wasn't an idiot. She knew Alastor had his reasoning for that. She mouthed a little thank you to him, once Lucifer turned his back.

You were ecstatic to learn that Charlie worked an extensive library into the hotel. Walking into its large double doors, you almost struggled to see the back of the room with how full it was. You had a little corner you claimed as your own, leaving one of your blankets draped on the little loveseat there, and setting aside a pile of books you were still working through. It was a great place to calm yourself down after what had just happened.

Hearing heels click against the tile, you wrapped yourself tighter in your blanket as you pulled your legs up to your chest. 

"I'm fine Charlie, it's fine.. I just need a second, go back to the lobby." You shooed off the figure with one hand, wiping your face with the other.

"Ahha- Nope! Try again -" with a nervous chuckle, Lucifer greeted you with an awkward wave. Interrupting the silence by clearing his throat, he gestured to the seat next to you. With a quick nod, finally snapping out of your surprised state, you shifted your position to sit beside him. It wasn't exactly a two-person couch. Not for two people who might hate each other, at least. I mean it was a loveseat. He struggled to keep his distance, leaving your legs barely brushing together.

"Soooo.. you, uh- like.. reading..?" He asked after a long silence. You were mainly confused by his words, but simply nodded in response.

“Yeah it's - I-I love it in here.. There wasn’t anything like this on Earth, so this is nice." You managed to speak out, between sniffles. He agreed with a little hum, fidgeting with the ring on his finger.

“Glad you like it. It's uhh - just happens to be my personal collection.” He puffed out his chest, looking at his clawed nails with a little smirk on his face. He had no idea why he thought that would help, but it actually did a bit. when he looked your direction, you were slack-jawed in awe. The sight made him turn a bit red in the cheeks, quickly looking away, he patted the top of his legs to fill the silence.

“That's really cool! I guess it makes sense - considering you're older than the dawn of time- but, still. Thank you, I suppose. For letting me - I mean - us use it.” You rambled on for a moment your words became quieter the more you gushed.

“Is that supposed to be an insult?” He asked between laughter. You made him laugh. You hoped he didn't see the sparkle in your eyes at the notion. You stalled, lost in thought, before quickly shaking your head.

The two of you sat there for a moment, the awkward silence sitting a little more comfortably than before. Finally, Lucifer let out a sigh of defeat. 

"It’s my fault, right?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"Oh, uh.. I guess so, but.. I mean, I'm kind of drunk so it might be something with that - but I'm fine, I swear." You waved your hands in an attempt to soothe the serious discussion. But Lucifer knew better than anyone what someone holding their true intentions back looks like.

"You're really good for Charlie. I.. I wish I could take care of her. Like you do." He admitted. It surprised you for a moment. Was that why he's been so cold to you? Was there some form of jealousy in there? Or was he really concerned that you would replace him in some fashion?

"C'mon, you're just saying that to make me feel better. I saw you on extermination day, none of this would even be here without that little pep talk, you’ve done more for her than you know, I think. Charlie.. she loves you." The words made him perk up a little. Maybe even a king needs reassurance sometimes.

"Oh- Um.. I guess she does, huh..?" You could hear his smile. The two of you sat in silence for a moment. You didn't even realize you had the smallest smile on your own face. But he did. With another nervous laugh, he hesitates before planting a hand on your leg, just above your knee. No time like the present, you suppose.

"I’m sorry. I really am. For.. everything. You're actually amazing. I-I mean it.." Without a response from you yet, he lets his gentle touch linger a moment longer. You leaned in towards him, the smile on your face turning sly.

"Yeah? You think so? I almost thought you hated me." You were teasing him. He's been so cold to you this whole time, you just had to take advantage of the moment. He turns a bit red, covering his mouth with his free hand as he clears his throat into his fist.

"Of course I don't.." He muttered.

"Soo, would you say you like me?" You drew out your words, walking your fingers up his arm.

"W-What? How - " He clamped his hand over his mouth before desperately trying to rationalize his thoughts, " Of course I do! I just said you're great with Charlie and I -ahh.. I love Charlie, so I like - " He coughs up his words, " - I liked your pie, that you made! And you have a good voice, too, and your little duck story was cute, so - " God bless this man's tendency to overshare when he's nervous. The alcohol definitely gave you the little boost of confidence you needed to question him like this, but you would be lying if you said you didn't notice his reactions to you whenever you weren't paying attention. Or whenever he thought you weren't paying attention. It finally dawned on you that some of those glares might have had some other motivations.

You knew when to reel it in, but considering his hand was still on your leg, he moved it up a bit even, you assumed he was okay with the teasing. Maybe even enjoying it. Delicately drawing your fingers across his jaw, to his chin, you pulled his gaze to meet yours. You could feel his hand tense at every little touch.

"You have really nice eyes, Luci-" He audibly gulped, tugging at his bowtie. "You’ve been avoiding looking at me for months.. I wish you'd look at me more." You almost pouted, your fingers still lingering under his chin. With the slightest movement, he followed your hand towards your face. He took his hand off your thigh for a moment, only for you to take a hold of it and place it on your back. He was the one who pulled you closer at this point.

“Y-you can't just say things like that.. it’s embarrassing..” He muttered, trying his best to not close the gap between your bodies. 

“Embarrassing? I’m not embarrassed, your highness. Are you? Do I.. make you nervous? Hmm?” You placed your hands just above his knees, leaning closer through your chest. Sucking in his lips, he did his best to stay silent, knowing he’d dig his own grave no matter how he answered.

“I just think you’re so pretty, Luci, I can't help myself.” Before he could properly react, you leaned in close enough for him to feel your breath against his ear. Damn, what did you drink? You could feel his hand on your back clenching, either to bring you closer or just out of sheer nerves. With a little hum against his ear, he let out the quietest whimper. It apparently took both of you by surprise, you leaned back to get a look at his face with wide eyes. Meeting his eyes this time sent you both into a blushing, nervous state.

With a deep breath, you cupped his face after brushing some of his golden locks back into place, then gave him the lightest kiss on his lips. You didn't even linger long enough for him to return it, and he was clearly distraught by it. You unwrapped yourself from your blanket, giving a dumbstruck Lucifer another quick peck on his forehead, before standing.

“I’m going back downstairs. Take your time, Hun!” You called out so sweetly as if you hadn't just left him a heated mess. 

Finally returning to the lobby, you walked with your chest puffed out, beckoning for another drink from Husk.

"Did.. did Dad check in on you? Are you okay?" Charlie carefully approached you, and was immediately disarmed by your grin.

"Yup! I feel much better now. He apologized and we had a little.. Discussion. Thanks, hun." You said sweetly, taking a sip of the drink Husk slid into your hand. Angel gave you a dirty glare, and after meeting his eyes you quickly looked away.

"Well great! Where is he? Maybe we can pick back up where we left off!" Charlie clasped her hands together enthusiastically.

"Here! I-I'm here! Great idea, honey, let's keep playing!" He tripped over himself, rushing into the room and hoping nobody saw him re-fastening his tie. Sending him another quick smile, his face clearly hadn't cooled from the past events. He nearly dropped his fiddle, but as soon as he prepared he picked up the same song that was left unfinished moments before.

♡♡♡

I wanted to get through some asks, but I'm still working on Suffer, no worries, my friends

!Taglist!

( @vififofum @thornwolfy235 @tinywolfiegirl @chipper-chip @bat-boness @misfitgirlwrites @nayomi247 @lonelynmisunderstood @escapistoftherealworld @b4ts1e @hamthepan @kyo-kyo1 @looking1016 @polytheatrix @littledolly2345 @lillianastuff @yourlocalcryptidbee @0strawberrysorbet0 @themageofblood @jayyyayaysblog @floralsightings @azmosposts @8har0ley8 @actuallyspiderwoman @sirenetheblogger @christineblood @kaytemchugh @cimadreamer @simpdevil66 @azmosposts @m3ow1 @acrazyartist @redfoxwritesstuff @4k1to @meesachan @corvusskid )

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel fandom #lucifer hazbin #lucifer magne #hazbin hotel fan #hazbin hotel fanfic #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin x reader #lucifer x you #lucifer morningstar x you #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer

[jazzyblusnowflake]

You've got some cool headcanons for Nuzi and Vuzi, but what about the third? You got any for EnVy?

Wow i suck at answering these on time smh. sighhhh, in my defense i procrastinate answering some questions cuz i don't wanna just put together some random stuff and call it a day-

i actually wrote some stuff for some asks before but had to delete it last minute cuz i thought its worth putting more time than that, i guess TvT sorry, im probably taking this too seriously idk.

My eNVee headcanons TvT:

[yall know the drill, the drone versions only, the human versions aren’t involved, and no nsfw- for now.]

k so, light envuzi involved too, Uzi is the mediator here, whether u consider her a friend here or their mini toaster in the middle- also there's some of the stuff from my future version where V is safe and sound thankfully. and also maybe some stuff from their past too.

With how N was realizing that V was lying or hiding stuff from him in a constant manner, naturally he grew to grieve the loss of who V USED to be, and with that loss he tried to accept that he has to let her go, because the V he fell in love with was long gone. despite this, when they both started teasing each other over their relationship with Uzi and N started to bite back a bit at Vs behaviors with more self confidence, they grew to form a completely different kind of relationship. Uzi was just having fun seeing them try to win her over lmao; but in the end they kind of started enjoying eachothers company again. Uzi felt happy seeing them get closure for the things they went through and was more than happy to support them through it.

Back at the manor V was fixed up after J and N, she was one of the later drones added to the family, she hardly spent much time at the manor at all before the great yeetening happened- she was originally a maid drone for a family before she was broken and dumped in the drone corpse junkyard. Maid drones are programmed with sweet and soft AIs with more round/short body shapes to have a friendly image in a household, they are made to be able to deal with both adults and kids, and they are best made for cleaning and setting up the house in mind. N was made as a butler/chauffeur before getting broken and yeeted in the junkyard [yes he can drive]. Due to V getting broken for some sort of mistake during work, she was left scarred after her reboot to make any more mistakes, which left her slightly jitter-ish and clumsy. Tessa put N in charge to help her around and although at the beginning V didn't talk much and felt unsure, slowly N became her safe space- especially since Tessas abusive parents remind V alot of her old household. N in turn thought V was always cute, he helped her with her work, having more steady hands, which ended with a lot more hand touching and blushing on both their ends :p

N was the one that suggested glasses for V which Tessa decided to try doing to see if it would help her visual efficiency in any way, and it did. V as a DD often tries to rely on her real eyes rather than look through her main visor, the glasses remind her too much of N...

N and V sometimes used to get out of the manor in secret spots to spend some time away from the chaos to help V calm down. during this time they would read books, learn stuff from each others past lives, and sometimes draw lol, but V just liked watching and listening to N, she felt happy with him. although unlike N, V felt a bit nervous around the animals in the area XD

N and V actually have shared kisses, just not on the lips. with N kissing her on the back of her hand as a gentleman and V giving him kisses on his cheek [Tessa's idea of a cute plan to put them under a mistletoe lol], but Vs last words to N was a promise to give him a kiss before she became comatose. as more drones in the manor stopped working and Ns efficiency and work became less useful to the manors occupants due to him wanting to spend time with V all the time, Louisa and James started becoming more impatient with Tessa's drones, which lead to the whole "get rid of them" line...

back in the current time V is obviously trying to protect N in her own traumatized way; but even then, most of the things she had done to "shelter" N, was probably not the best choice one could make, and some of it was done out of jealousy towards N and Uzi getting closer. However, slowly she started convincing herself that N deserved someone like Uzi. V had convinced herself that she deserves nothing. She was willing to give up everything for N and keep him safe from the beginning, even if it meant knocking N down a few limbs/heads just to keep him away from danger- which is problematic in itself. she made choices based off fear and urgency. she was always traumatized.

When N and V started getting along together a bit more and hanging around a bit in the human cities- V takes N to a bookstore she found once and they spent the whole day in the shelter of the store reading different old books. V still does not admit she did this to see N happy again lol.

When N started showing V affection again, V started becoming heavily touch starved and dependent on him again, just like the manor days, which she feared, which caused a minor set back for a while where she tried to avoid N. Uzi had to come and fix this shit cuz apparently only she can scold 2 dinosaurs without feeling intimidated. after N and V kiss for the first time PROPERLY after the whole solver BS ends, V just gets more touch starved and she hates both N AND Uzi for this lmao.

N and Uzi know that one of the only ways to make V calm down is to act soft with her, occasionally praising her and calling her nice things; even when V is literally threatening to bite their head off- [shes bluffing-.......mostly.]

N is usually the one that initiates any closeness with V. after their first kiss, N does tell her that she's done stuff that he might not be able to casually forgive, but at the same time he has seen her grow, and she does have good in her that he still loves her for.

V has nightmares and hardly ever sleeps, and when she does, its usually cuddling N or Uzi.

V tries to wear her glasses more often in the future. N likes it a lot :"3

V is surprisingly a good mom :p [spoilers for my au lmao bye] but yeah, since her original OS was for a maid, she still has some functions to be good with little ones. she cant help herself, she just really likes babies and kids.

N likes sometimes ballroom dancing with V for old times sake...

[i think this is as far as my brain will allow me, please excuse me as i jump off a cliff :") ]

#murder drones #snowballflo #snow rambles #envy #envee #goldenmemories #serial designation n #serial designation v #n x v #v x n #envuzi #violentbitingbiscuits #nuziv #uzi doorman

[automaticllamacycle]

May Jesus forgive me for what I’m about to say.

Making matty jealous at an industry party until he spanks you and fucks you so hard afterwards

I am going to be combining this ask with this one that I got because they will fit will together hehe : literally matty just fucking you RELENTLESSLY like that man is not stopping until your actually crying like tears are flowing down your face

Disclaimers: reader is quite drunk during the sex, but I'm acting like this is in the dom/sub au I (kinda) have going on so they are in a very committed relationship and have discussed situations like this before! Anyways now onto the horny thoughts (even though im writing this more like a traditional fic)

this ended up being like 1.5k words. It is now 2am so it is NOT proof read, like not even a once over I am SLEEPY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

industry parties are the worst. You despise them. Its all the same every time. You would show up with Matty, have a few drinks of alcohol, and hang by Matty's side while he talked with people from the label. It got old really fast in all honesty.

Tonight you just wanted his attention more than anything, and you are determined to have it by the end of the night. You arrive to the party on his arm and the same old pattern begins as he's dragged away by Jamie to go talk to someone. Without Matty at your side, you excuse yourself to the open bar. One drink turns into two, which turns into three before you even realize it.

You planned this out beforehand. You thought to yourself, maybe if you got a bit drunk and needy, you could convince Matty to take you home early. After drink number three you walk over to Matty, and lean to whisper in his ear. "Baby, can we go home? I'm tired of this."

Matty can tell you're a bit tipsy from your mumbled speech. "Sweetheart, this stuff is important I can't just leave because you want to leave."

"But Matty-" you start, putting on pleading doe eyes. He cuts you off before you can finish your sentence.

"I said no. Now, go on, it shouldn't be too much longer, anyway. You can be patient."

So, you found yourself back at the bar, with another drink. You've had too much, but you don't really care. Too pissed at Matty to really give a shit.

After another hour passes you stumble back over to Matty. The liquid courage must be working because you don't even care about the fact he's talking to people. You nearly crash into his side when you reach him. "Matty! Can we go now?" He shoots you a glare instantly before turning back towards the two men he was speaking with.

"Sorry guys, this is my girlfriend Y/N. Please, continue on with what you were saying!" Matty's hand is around your waist in a bruising grip. His lips quickly come up to your ear to speak in a dark tone. "Behave."

You do behave... for a total of five minutes, then you get needy again. You start small, leaning into his side and placing your arm on his chest. The alcohol dulls your rational thinking enough that you have no shame in your next actions, reaching up to kiss him on the neck. Matty laughs off the kiss, not so much as turning his gaze to you, continuing to listen to the men speaking to him. His grip on your waist tightens. He's starting to get mad.

You don't stop. Your hand paws at his chest while you balance on your tip toes to whisper in his ear. "Please, sir. I need you-"

Matty steps away fast, not letting you connect your lips to his neck again. "Haha- sorry lads I think it's time I take her back home. Jamie is right over there and would be happy to answer any other questions you two might have." And with that Matty's hand firmly grips your wrist and pulls your behind him, out the door, and to his car.

Once your on the road, he finally speaks after giving you the silent treatment. "What the fuck was that? Were you trying to embarrass me? You know it's important that I talk to people like that at these things."

"I'm sorry- I just wanted your attention."

"And you thought the best way to do that was to beg me to fuck you in front of those guys?"

"I whispered it!"

"Whispered? You call that a whisper? I'm almost certain they heard you. How much have you had to drink tonight."

"Uhm... I lost count."

"No shit."

The rest of the car ride was filled with silence. When you arrive at his place, he doesn't even go around to open your car door, instead heading straight to the front door of his house. Once your both inside, he sits down on the couch. He's angry. Really fucking angry.

"Bend over my knee. Right now." You don't dare disobey him. That would only increase your punishment. You lean your body over his legs, giving him access to your ass. Matty flips up your dress to reveal your lace underwear that is already soaked through.

"I'm sorry sir- I- I promise I didn't mean to embarrass you. Just wanted you so bad." You flinch when his hand strikes your ass.

"Fucking slut. Just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you avoid getting punished." You gasp as his hand comes down again, just as hard as the first strike. "Besides." His hand spanks you again. "You knew what you were doing when you decided to order all those drinks didn't you?" His hand hits you again, showing no mercy. "Needed some courage before you could be such a whore in public, huh?"

"Yes- yes sir- I knew what I was doing. I'm sorry." Matty's satisfied with your answer, but that doesn't stop the onslaught of his hands. You'll be bruised for at least a week. He wants you to remember this every time you sit down. He wants you to remember and learn from the punishment.

By the end of it, you're sobbing. The strikes were becoming too much, and you needed him to touch you. "Matty- p-please I- I need you, please."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes, sir. I'll never do it again. I promise." you say through choked sobs. Without warning Matty carries you to the bedroom and throws you onto the bed before he starts taking off his clothes. He's hard through his boxers, which are soaked with precum. You follow suit and take off your dress, wincing as you take the lace of your underwear off of your ass.

Matty's on top of you the next second, his cock at the entrance of where you need him most. "You know, I shouldn't even give you my cock. Only good girls deserved to get fucked."

"No! no no no! Please. I need you, I need you so bad." Tears flow down your cheeks.

Matty enters you suddenly, filling you to the hilt. He gives you no time to adjust to his size as he begins pounding into you. "Fine. I'll give you my cock." He groans out. "But I'm going at my fucking pace and you're going to take it."

His hips move rapidly, thrusting into you hard. All you can do is wrap your legs around his waist and dig your nails into his back. The moans that leave your mouth are desperate. Your cries fill the room, along with the sounds of skin meeting skin. Matty's pace is near animalistic.

Matty flips your over so you're on your stomach. You don't have the strength to hold yourself up, completely pliant on the bed. "Poor thing can't hold herself up? Thought you wanted me to fuck you?" he groans, continuing his fierce pace. The new position allows him to go even deeper into your cunt. It's all becoming too much.

"Matty-" you cry. "It's too much- I can't"

"Take it. Be my good girl and take my cock. You were fucking made for me." One of his arms wraps around your waist, pulling your up so your back is up against his chest. He uses his other hand to hold onto the headboard of the bed, steadying himself so he can thrust into you even faster.

"Matty- shit I can feel you in my stomach- fuck-" At your words, his hand shifts lower on your waist, pressing over where his cock bulges in your stomach.

"Yeah? You feel that?" He presses down harder, making a whine leave your throat. "Only I can do this to you. Your cunt is made for my cock." You moan out in agreement, drawing closer and closer to orgasm, and Matty is getting close too. "You gonna come for me? Gonna milk my cock?"

"Yes- yes sir- please."

"Go on then come for me." When he speeds up the pace of his hips, you're a goner, falling into the waves of an orgasm. The pleasure overwhelms you, pulsing through your veins. You cry out his name over and over again as he fucks you though it.

Matty is not far behind. It only takes a few more thrusts before he cums inside of you, filling you up deep inside. As soon as he's finished, he practically collapses on top of you. He takes the time to trail kisses on the back of your neck as you catch your breath and come back down to earth.

"You did good for me, baby. Did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's my girl. Let me take care of you now."

#matty healy smut #matty healy x reader #matty healy fanfic #matty healy #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 smut #i am now going to bed i am so tired #part of me fears this is shit #thats what happens when i start writing at 12:30am #pancake anon youre next dw it should be out by sunday

[femscottlang]

The CPA and SSA - part two

part one part two part three

Aaron Hotchner x accountant! reader

Summary- The case they're currently working on has gotten bad, the unsub has been stalking the team and they need a safe place to stay. Luckily, Aaron has a girlfriend in Alexandria that he has yet to tell the team about. 

Contents/ warnings; description of cases, a little bit of hurt/comfort, established relationship, just overall kinda fluffy and sweet :) 

Word count- 2k-ish

AN: thank you for the love on part one, I didn't expect people to see it if I'm being honest !! Here's part two

Send me asks and requests! im happy to do blurbs on characters from CM and MCU :)

Once you dug through your cabinet and found your oven mitts, you carried the pot of curry into the dining room. Aaron followed behind you with the plate of naan balanced on top of the pot of rice muttering about how he could've carried the heavier pot. “Sure you could, old man.” he scoffed “I'm not that much older than you.” You set the pot down, jogging back to the kitchen to get serving spoons and a pitcher of water. Once everything was set down, you clasped your hands together “It's nothin fancy, but I can promise it tastes good” you smiled, sitting down between Aaron and Penelope, who was practically vibrating in her seat. 

“Oh shoot, I forgot to get y'all glasses for the water” you slapped your hand over your forehead and moved to get up. Before you could stand, Aaron placed a hand on your thigh and made you sit back down “You’ve done plenty. I’ll grab the glasses, pumpkin. You relax” He said as he got up. You grabbed his hand off of your leg and kissed it before letting him go back into the kitchen. 

You served yourself some food and looked up at the team with a soft smile before settling back in your seat “Alright. I know you have questions, go ahead.” Penelope piped up first “what do you do for work? What's your favorite color? Favorite hobby? Have you met Jack?” She paused and gasped “Oh my god do you even know that Hotch has a kid?” She asked, looking at you with wide eyes before bringing her spoon to her mouth “Oh my god I don't even care anymore. Please marry him and feed us.” 

You grinned at the bubbly blonde next to you “I'm an accountant, uh- green? I like to crochet. Yes, I have met Jack, he has a room here because of how often Aar -hotch and Jack stay over.” You took a bite of the curry as you waited for more questions.

The next to speak up was Spencer, “Did you know that the word accountant stems from the old French word ‘compter’ which stems from the Latin word ‘computare’ meaning to calculate” he stated, as he tried to tuck his hair behind his ear but it wasn't quite long enough. You tilted your head and shrugged “No I didn't, but that makes sense since the first accountant existed in the 1490s” you added, watching his eyes light up at your knowledge. 

“Okay enough of the accounting facts, give us some juice on Aaron” Emily said, leaning forward with a mischievous smile. You furrowed your eyebrows and chewed the inside of your cheek, running through some options in your head and weighing which one would embarrass him the most but anger him the least. When you landed on one, your smile matched Emily's. 

“When he sleeps over he wears one of my oversized shirts that says ‘Number One Gr-” you feel a hand cover your mouth “O-Kay enough of that,” Aaron said. You licked his hand, causing him to recoil and wipe it on your shirt. “Jack is a bad influence on you.” He muttered. You snickered “It says NumberOneGrandpa!” you said quickly before he could shut you up again. His team erupted in laughter, yelling over each other for a photo or for hotch to go put it on. Sadly, you didn't have any but you joined in on the peer pressure for him to wear it to bed tonight.

He slung an arm over the back of your chair and leaned back, shaking his head “Look what you've done.” He glared at you with a smile ghosting his lips “I don't know what you're talking about” You looked up at the ceiling so as to not meet his eyes

 “Evil. Evil woman. That's what you are.” He said as you moved your chair closer to him and put your head on his shoulder “Oh I'm fully aware.” 

Once everyone finished eating, Rossi ended up insisting on doing the dishes for you while the rest of you changed into more comfortable clothes and decided to call it a night. You ran around for a while, making sure everyone had towels to shower, fresh sheets and took out the air mattresses you have for family visits and occasional movie nights with Jack and Aaron. 

You checked your watch after you put on sweatpants and one of Aaron's quarter zips that you've been hoarding. “You should really put on the number one grandpa shirt.” You said as you walked into the bathroom where he was just in sweatpants while brushing his teeth. You watched him roll his eyes in the mirror “I'm serious! You and your team seem so stressed. It would really give them a good laugh” 

you leaned against the counter. He spit out the toothpaste and looked at you before dropping his head in defeat “fine I'll wear it” he grimaced “mm don't put it on yet, I have a feeling this is our only moment of privacy for the rest of the night” you said, reaching up and running your fingers through his hair “ tell me the truth. How bad is it? The case I mean” your voice barely above a whisper as your hand moved from his hair to his sunken cheek, tilting his head towards you so he would look you in the eye. 

You watched his eyes rack over your face “Hey! Stop trying to profile me, just tell me.” You frowned, which only deepened when he grinned at you “Oh it's not trying, I did profile you. You are a complete open book. You are the most expressive person I have ever met.” He said, peppering kisses all over your face in an attempt to get you to forget what you were asking about. It worked.

 “that's why you're dating me? Because I'm easy to read?” You raised an eyebrow “Yes. That is the only reason I have been seeing you for three years” he deadpanned. It was your turn to roll your eyes before looking at him. His frown lines have faded over the last few years, as well as the line in between his eyebrows. He's not the drill sergeant he was when you first met him. Maybe aging softened him. Maybe you. You thought about it and came to the conclusion that it was both. 

You sighed “you don’t have to tell me. Just- don’t do anything too stupid?” you asked, reaching up to cup his face and run your hands through the small amount of stubble he grew. “I promise I will not do anything too stupid” he leaned his head into your hand, kissing your palm.

You hummed “good. Now I’m gonna go get the shirt” you pushed yourself all off the counter and began to walk towards the bedroom before he grabbed you, pulling your back against his chest “stay in here with me a little longer. I don't want to share you yet” you leaned your weight against him. “Shoulda thought about that before you brought them to my house”

He was warm and smelled like open woods. Like a cold campsite on a summer evening with a fire crackling and the smoke being taken up to the constellations you could see without the city's light pollution. Aaron was a campfire. Warm and full of life. Dangerous, but contained. Wouldn't have hurt you unless you decided you wanted it to. 

“I know, I know.” He buried his face in your hair that now smells the same as his since he decided that ‘your shampoo is better anyways’. He tightened his grasp, pulling you impossibly close. “It's bad. I told Jessica to take Jack out of town for the time being. JJ did the same with Will and Henry.” You spun around and looked at him “What?! And y-you didn't think to tell me?” You hissed, pushing away from him. He reached for you again “you heard Garcia. If she didn't know about you then you're safe.” 

You slapped his hands down “So why didn't you bring Jack to me? He would've been much happier here. Do you not trust me to take care of him?” You raised your voice and he shook his head “No of course I trust you with him. You know that. Bringing him here would have endangered you too. Getting him here without potentially being seen was a higher risk than him already being with Jessica and leaving town.” He straightened his back, furrowing his brows and crossing his arms 

You huffed in defeat, reaching up to rub the space between his brows to get him to relax his face. You hated when he became Hotch instead of Aaron “Sorry, sorry. You're right. I don't wanna stress you out anymore. I-” you sighed “I just wish you would've told me. I mean c'mon. We aren't just sneaking around for fun anymore. Your kid has a room in my house. You stay here 90% of the time. Your team has met me now. Reality has caught up with us, honey bun.” You gave him a downturned smile 

He relaxed, holding the back of your arm “I know. I wanted to keep you-” he paused to find the right words “to myself” he cringed at the possessive implications “I-” he began before you stopped him 

“I know what you meant. I guess now you have to meet my friends, huh?” You said in hopes of lifting the heavy air that was crushing your lungs. He pressed a kiss to your temple, taking a deep breath “I guess so” his words muffled against your skin 

“if you go all Hotch on me again you're sleeping on the couch.” you threatened before finally getting to leave the bathroom, going to your dresser and tossing the shirt at him “understood, ma’am” he winked at you to which you scrunch your nose “you're lucky you're handsome, I hope you know that. Cmon. You need to get some sleep and I have work in the morning” 

you climbed into bed, pulling back the blanket and patting the spot next to you. He pulled on the shirt and sat on the edge of the bed “lay down Aaron.” You said, leaning over and rubbing his arm.

After a minute of sitting there, he finally swung his legs up onto the bed and laid down. You curled up against him “I don't want you going to work tomorrow.” He said, looking over at you “I know. But I gotta. I have a new intern I have to train” you groaned “now that school's out, the office is gonna be filled with entitled college students whose daddy's got them an internship” you said, drawing shapes on his sternum with your index finger

“Daddy?” He asked, lifting his head. You put your hand on his forehead and pushed it back down “Aaron Hotchner!” You reprimanded “behave your team is in the next room over” you said in a hushed tone “I'm kidding! I'm kidding.” He let out a grunt as you smacked him in the chest before turning over to turn off the light “goodnight, honey” you said softly “please sleep” you added 

“I promise I will try,” he said, turning to pull you against him “but you have to wake me up when you get up to get ready. I don't want to wake up in an empty bed” you smiled, intertwining your fingers with his “I promise I will.”

#aaron hotchner #ssa aaron hotchner #aaron hotch fic #hotch x you #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x fem!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch fanfiction

[theravenkin]

been thinking a lot about low-empathy adam parrish (via @parrishwife here and @crimeronan here ) and i'd like to add that i also think ronan is low-empathy, but in a different way, and that this difference is what causes most of the conflict between them (in this essay i will-)

so basically, in very simple psychological terms there are two main sides to empathy. on one side, you've got cognitive empathy- the ability to see things from another person's perspective in an objective manner and understand why they might be feeling a certain way even if you don't feel "for" them; however, you might think that they are overreacting. then there's emotional empathy, which is when you see someone having strong emotions or going through something tough and you feel "for" them, sometimes literally; you might feel nausea or pains in your chest from experiencing someone else in emotional pain, or you might feel elated when someone else is happy or excited. that doesn't necessarily mean, though, that you can see things from that person's perspective; even if you feel for someone, you might not think that they're coming from a place that matters because you can't put yourself in their position. when both of these main types of empathy are present, then you can also have compassionate empathy, which is like both working together- you feel for someone and can see things from their perspective. people with low empathy may struggle with both of the main types of empathy, but some may only struggle with one while maybe being hyper-empathetic in the other type; i'm pretty sure the latter is common among autistic people. i, for one, have very strong emotionally empathetic reactions to things, but i have a really hard time seeing things from others perspectives; so while i may feel really bad for someone, it can be hard for me to understand why they feel bad in the first place.

okay. now. blorbo thoughts.

i think that while adam has an easier time with cognitive empathy (though still struggles with it a bit), he has not developed a very strong sense of emotional empathy at all. whereas, on the other hand, i think ronan is hyperempathic when it comes to pure emotions, but has a very very hard time with cognitive empathy; the way he thinks tends to be more egocentric, meaning it's hard for him to remember that other people don't always think, feel, or process the same way he does (this is what i struggle with, personally, but i think ronan struggles a whole lot more with it).

i could go pulling a bunch of textual evidence, and god do i want to, but lord i ain't got the time. so im just gonna point out a couple things ronan does: he often hugs and comforts people when he feels that they're upset (and he often notices when people are upset before others do, when they're trying to hide it etc) but he doesn't care if these people want to be hugged- he just does it. the only person he doesn't do this with is adam, i think because adam is one person ronan works really hard to understand. ronan also tends to say things without thinking or caring about how they might make people feel, but he still feels so strongly himself (re: bronan "i'm not proud of it" "i'll be proud for you", ronan, read the room). he feels for every dreamer, even those he hasn't met yet, and that empathy drives him so crazy he goes and does a bunch of questionable things in order to try to make things better for people. but he cannot imagine any justification for why adam didn't text him back within a couple hours other than that adam now hated him suddenly (essentially, can't understand how adam doesn't know what ronan is thinking without communicating it).

ronan's inner monologue is very frequently about himself and how he's feeling; when he talks about others, he describes what they say and do and look like, but can't seem to explain how they think or why. adam, in comparison, is constantly psychoanalyzing the people around him, trying to understand why they do what they do and how they tick. part of this is his analytic nature and part of it is the remnants of a survival tactic- the need to understand his abuser, get inside their head, in order to avoid or prevent the next blow. but i think, too, all this analyzing has divorced him from feeling strongly for others, once again, as a survival tactic/coping mechanism- because he believes that as soon as he feels for someone, he becomes them and loses his autonomy. this is only beneficial when dealing with abusers, though. so when he's dealing with his loved ones, adam has to parse through their actions, codify their behaviors and what they mean, and establish heuristics of how they think in order for him to not cross a line and hurt them without meaning to. i feel like i can say more on this but it's late and im tired and i am no psychologist, just autistic and insane about characters

so i think that this difference is a lot of what makes pynch work (the impulse/impulse control dynamic or the right brain/left brain dynamic, but much much deeper and more complex obvs). but i also think that this is where most of their conflict comes from. ronan feels so deeply for and about adam, so much so that he doesn't know how to process it and it eats him alive. but even still, he can't quite understand why adam works the way he does, why his motivations are what they are, why he holds the values he does; usually, ronan just accepts that adam is adam and life goes on, but sometimes ronan gets so frustrated that he can't just accept that adam does things that- to ronan- make 0 sense. (think of the garage fight scene, just before the hand lotion, where ronan tells adam he should just quit school- a pretty tone deaf thing to say, knowing adam, but ronan was getting frustrated and couldn't understand why adam needed to keep working himself to death.) then there's adam, who typically understands where ronan is coming from, but doesn't understand why ronan feels so strongly about things, especially other people- especially him. he struggles to understand why ronan keeps helping him despite being told not to- which is why ronan does things without asking (ie, the rent), because he knows adam won't understand. adam may understand where ronan is coming from, but sometimes he just may not care. he doesn't want ronan to feel badly, but it's hard to motivate yourself to do something about it when you can't understand what the fuss is all about. think about the fight over the green mantle envelope: to adam, it's practical and logical, and he doesn't understand why the whole thing is upsetting to ronan or why he should care- if it gets the job done, doesn't matter how unpleasant the process is. ronan, however, doesn't care as much about practical; he can't understand why adam thinks this is okay, because he has such a hard time understanding that others have different values and priorities than he does.

anyway. this took so long to write. someone please read it and understand what i'm saying.

#i looove psychoanalyzing fictional characters mm mmm yummy #my fingers hurt from typing this #please know i know jack shit about psychology #but i read crimeronan's low empathy adam post before work and thought about this the entire shift #so now here we are #adam parrish #ronan lynch #pynch #character study #the raven cycle #adam parrish meta #ronan lynch meta #the raven cycle meta #the dreamer trilogy #trc #tdt

[daegall]

[00:01]

pairing: best friend!hyuck x reader

genre: fluff, bff2l!AU, new years!AU, college!AU

warnings: none (but lmk if there are any!!!!!)

word count: 1.2k

a/n: for @sungiesworld27, thank you so much for the idea!!!

HAPPY NEW YEARS MY LOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im not ready for what this year has to bring to me, my blog, or school, and i definitely am not looking forward to it, but time can't just stop (as much as i wish it could) so, here's to 2023! hope that i can write more and everything will be great this year ^^

networks/taglist: @neoturtles @knet-bakery @kflixnet @nct-writers @k-radio + @soobin-chois @markhyuckselca @jaehunnyy <3

You're scared for the new year.

You're even more scared that you won't get to kiss anyone as the new year starts.

It might sound really fucking silly to other people, but it's a thing you have with your friends, where they would always laugh at your face for having nobody to kiss, for having to endure everyone kissing around you.

One person who also has that problem? Lee Donghyuck. Your best friend. It's always been you and Donghyuck whose had to deal with all your friends smooching and kissing around you while the two of you try not to watch awkwardly.

It always ends up just you looking at him, and him looking at you, because even if you wanted to look away from a couple kissing, there would be another one just right next to them.

The new year can kiss your ass.

And now here you stand, just 5 minutes away from the new year. Everyone's jumping, buzzing with excitement. You're surrounded by your closest friends, all with silly hats and new year sunglasses (it says 2015, but who cares?).

You take another swig at your sprite, as you feel a tug at your sweater sleeve. As you turn, you find Donghyuck, grinning at you with his boyishness charm. "Hey," You greet him with a laugh.

"Hey," He responds. He tugs you closer the moment you start to shiver slightly due to the chilly winter breeze. "you excited for the new year?"

You contemplate about it. Sure, there could be a lot of new opportunities and such, but are you really excited about it? "I don't think so," You shake your head. "kinda wanna go sleep."

Donghyuck chuckles at your response, and he digs his hands into his pocket. "Yeah, me too."

There's a silence after that, as you both bask in each other's presence. You don't need to talk, just having the comfort of one another is enough for the both of you to know that the new year will be okay, as long as you both have each other.

Donghyuck suddenly turns to you with a sly smile, one you recognize and associate with his mischievous thoughts. "Got anyone to kiss this year?"

You can't help but physically grimace at the question, your nose scrunching up as you bump your shoulder to his harshly. "It's not like you have anyone either! You have no right to make fun of me!"

"Okay, okay!" Donghyuck snickers, as you start to punch his arm lightly. "Seems like it makes the both of us."

Though you were just sulking a second before, you can't stop the smile that curls at your lips. There's a warmth that swirls in you, a comfort that you're not alone. Donghyuck is so quick to reassure you all the time, you wish you could show him how much gratitude you have for him.

He's not wrong, all your friends are kissing someone this year. Mark and Renjun are kissing their girlfriends, Jeno and Jaemin are kissing each other for fun (you're sure they just really want to kiss each other), and following them, is Chenle and Jisung, who agreed to kiss each other's cheeks for fun.

It really is just you and Donghyuck.

You don't mind it being just you and Donghyuck. Actually, for a few months now, you've been harboring feelings for your best friend. Now, you know it's dangerous, but you really can't help it. With his humor and charm, and that ridiculous gleaming smile he has, the way he cares for you so deeply, how he can remember every little thing about his friends, he's just so captivating that you can't help but fall for him more every day that passes.

Donghyuck falls for you everyday too. And it's crazy how you haven't noticed it the past few days, when he's been very openly flirty with you, taking more care of you than ever before, the urge to kiss you resurfaces every other day.

And Donghyuck's very sure that urge is gonna hit him today especially, stroke at midnight.

Time must really fly when you're together, because just in a moment, Mark is alerting the both of you how it's merely just 30 seconds until the new year.

"This is it," You breathe out, gluing yourself to Donghyuck's side. He doesn't mind, bringing you even closer. "Yeah, this is it."

Though you're infinitely scared of the new year, and though your heart beating like crazy, you still manage to smile, jumping with Chenle as you count down from 10.

10.

Donghyuck glances at you, admiring your grin and how your hand grips his hoodie sleeve.

9.

You glow with the firework lights of the city, shining so brightly. You seem to grow even brighter when you face him and grin even further.

8.

Donghyuck admires you as you laugh at how Chenle's already leaning into Jisung, puckering his lips out as Jisung can't help but squeal at the contact.

7.

Fuck, there it is. The urge has hit him.

6.

Lee Donghyuck wants you to turn around, he wants you to look at him, he wants to lean in and press his lips against yours smoothly, he wants to swoon you so much that maybe you'll like him back.

5.

It's too late to turn back, Donghyuck's fingers have softly wrapped around your wrist, tugging you back towards him.

4.

It's all too quick, one moment you're facing Jaemin, the next there's a pull at your arm. You feel shock fill your system as a warm sensation brushes by your chin.

3.

Donghyuck has one hand on your wrist, the other capturing your chin to turn your head to him. And when it's turned, you're so incredibly close. Your noses brush, breath fanning against your lips, as he breathes out. "Hey,"

2.

Your eyes flicker from Donghyuck's eyes, to his nose, to his lips, and he's so close, you could lean in half an inch and you'd be kissing him. "Hi—"

1.

It happens. Donghyuck's lips fit between yours, his hand now enveloping your jaw. He's stiff at first, barely just brushing his lips against yours, and you can sense his worry.

But it melts away the moment you sigh into his mouth, wrapping your fingers around his hoodie strings to pull him closer.

Now Donghyuck pours all his emotions into the kiss, your noses bumping as he tilts his head to the side. There's something about kissing Donghyuck now, on new years, with all the motion around you.

You don't want to pull away, you almost don't, if it weren't for your urge for oxygen.

When you pull away, the adrenaline gets the best of you, you think, because Donghyuck has never looked as good as he does right now.

There are laughs around you, cheering, but you couldn't care less about those, because Donghyuck still has his face incredibly close to yours, your noses still brushing against one another.

There's a million things you want to say to Donghyuck, ask him. Did he mean it? Did he feel bad for you? Shit, does he like you?

All you can muster up, however, is a breathy, "Wow,"

Your best friend giggles at your response, bumping his forehead against yours. "Wow?"

You sigh, and a smile finally finds its way to your lips, "Wow."

A grin creeps up your lips a moment later, as you tug Donghyuck back down by his hoodie strings once again. "I think I might be excited for the new year now,"

#daegall's timestamps! #lee donghyuck #lee donghyuck imagines #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #neoturtles #knet bakery #kflixnet #k-radio! #nct-writers #lee donghyuck scenarios #lee donghyuck fluff #lee donghyuck angst #lee donghyuck x reader #lee donghyuck drabbles #lee donghyuck blurbs #haechan #haechan imagines #nct #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct angst #nct x reader #nct drabbles #nct blurbs #nct dream #nct dream fluff #nct dream x reader #nct 127 imagines

[signedkoko]

Hihihihi! Can I get a parental/platonic parent matchup for hazbin hotel?

Im a cancer, around 14-15 years of age, and have short brown hair. I'm around 4'9-5'6 ft.

Around people I don't know I'm super nice and kind, usually complimenting my my way into a friendship with most people. I like to draw and read horror book, (I.E coraline, the man in the basement, dread end, etc).

I am mostly known around school as a kid who gives most of the time, buying goods for kids who can't at lunch, sitting with lonely kids, etc. I try my best to stay out of fights, and most times I don't initiate them.

At home, however, I can be loud and tired at the same time. I'll be like: "SO GUESS WHAT HAPPENED AT SC- I'm tired ima go nap" and I'm also the peacemaker of the family, being the youngest.

My fashion usually varies from vampire goth to grunge. I mostly wear vampire goth outside of home, but at school I wear grunge cuz if I wear vampire goth I'll get bullied.

Thats all! I'm sorry if I didn't provide enough info! Make sure to take care of yourself ♡

You got…Emily | Carmilla | Vox!

Your best friend is Emily! Ever since the two of you met, you've always gotten along. She really likes your drawings and tries to read what you read, but she finds them a bit scary and will usually depend on you summarizing things for her so she doesn't have to go through any of the gruesome parts. She is probably very scared and very intrigued with Coraline.

Emily agrees that you are one of the sweetest people she's ever met; she never feels judged around you and always gets her thirst for adventure quenched with all the media you show her. Your style is so cool to her, she might even ask if you can help her do some gothy vampire looks.

Expect quite serene days spent having fun without worry. Emily will always be there to defend you, and she probably has a billion questions to ask you at all times.

X

One figure who would take you in is Carmilla Carmine. She already has two daughters whom she adores deeply, and so she has a lot of experience with teens and teaches them all they need to know.

Your fashion probably just matches her looks, and she is more than happy to help you pick out a proper, well-rounded wardrobe that not only suits exactly what you like but also matches her a little bit. Lots of red and grayscale clothing.

Carmilla reads a lot, usually with a glass of red wine, and she makes certain to keep a section of her bookshelf for you, full of books she thinks you might like. She's the type to read all of them in advance, so when you finish, you can talk to her about them to your heart's desire.

Expect a protective but free household; you and her other daughters are held to her highest standard, and anything your heart wishes, she will do her best to achieve. You are always welcome to join the family business, too.

X

Another parental figure you may have is Vox! Vox never planned to have kids or take any in; no, he probably thinks he hates kids! But there's an exception for everything.

He probably sneaks you into the V's tower after finding you alone, and he's already committed to getting you cleaned up and warm because, man, what is this kid doing all alone in hell? He can't just—well, he can't just leave you out there, can he?

The more time you spend together, the more he considers you his daughter. You have your own room that he's always bringing things into. He's the type to just knock until you let him in and then give you some random thing he got you. Single slice of pizza, hot chocolate—hey, look how fast he can solve a Rubics cube. Wanna play with this new drone I'm prototyping? I found the book you wanted!

Oh yeah, the fridge is covered in your drawings. Even if they're digital, he has a little digital screen that has a slideshow of your work, and he does his best to show interest in any hobby you pick up.

If he ever hears you say you won't do something because you'd be bullied, he would probably hand you a taser and money to go indulge in what you like and zap the shit out of anyone who pokes fun at you.

He's not a very good parent in terms of morals, but he won't let anyone hurt you or shame you. He would get Velvette herself to help you find your style and would probably bar Valentino from ever EVER meeting you.

Expect a lot of movie nights together, trying all his new technology first, and getting every ounce of support. You'll never be alone, and you'll always be safe because, unless you ask him not to, he's always checking in on you.

Author’s Note - I actually could not pick, I had so many ideas!! So I went for one friend and two (separate) parental figures! I hope thats okay, I was literally ranting to my friends all night about the indeas I got lmaooo

#koko writez #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #helluva boss matchups #hazbin hotel matchups

[onmyyan]

Hi!! Your answer to my last question about Cas and his family made me so softt-

I have a question if you don't mind? But are there any types of people that the Delmont family kinda wouldn't approve of for their family members? Or are they sure that the men of the family can handle whatever kind of darling they desire?

Also I love the image of teen Caspian in the kitchen! I kinda imagine him in there with his Ma just humming a little tune and jebeksnwk, I just love him sm! I bet his mom is super kind and sweet! I wanna just dance around with him in the kitchen while things bake while belting some silly little song-

Sorry for sending so much! I just really enjoy your writings and the way you tell things! Have a good day or night and it's okay to take a break and eat a snack in case you haven't today!

A/N: Omgggg sweet anon you never have to apologize for sending in asks I love writing its so much fun!!! And his family is a riot I adore them so much🖤❤ also im sorry if I'm posting too much Caspian content (EDITED 12/16/22)

T/W: Yandere shenanigans, Cas fantasizes about a future family

Fun fact! He still does this cute humming thing while he cooks! Most of the time he doesn't even notice he's doing it until he sees you've paused what you're in the middle of to smile at him in a way that pulls his focus from the stove. If he catches you singing it's a whole thing, he'll turn up the song and take your hand, the way he fully committed to his role made it impossible to feel embarrassed. Seeing such a large, imposing man, belt out ABBA with full seriousness is a sight.

The first time you meet his Mother you're shaking like a leaf, terrified to make the wrong impression and scare off Caspian (something that was quite literally impossible.) He's both incredibly touched you were so worried but also lived in a constant state of needing to assure your happiness, so he tried everything he could to convince you she'd love you, that no matter what happened he'd be leaving this place just as in enamored as he came in but you couldn't be pacified, that is until you met her and the small woman threw herself around you with the warmest smile.

She'd gush over you to Caspian as she greeted him the same, her warm welcome wouldn't stop there as she, like her son, showed her love through food and had made a feast for what looked like an entire family.

Caspian barely got a word in the way you two talked and laughed with one another, he could really cry at the sight, especially when she hopped up asking for your help finishing the desserts she'd made just for the occasion. It was like a filter had gone over his eyes, he could see it now, a few kids running around the house the same way he and his brothers did, his mother would be sitting there giving pointers and stealing bits of the fruit you'd have brought from your garden back home. He'd have his youngest on his hip, the other hand would be feeding you from a spoon for the obligatory taste test. He was only pulled out of the fantasy by the sounds of your combined laughter.

Now as for if they have approval issues with darlings.

There's this unspoken rule, that while they'll share the most base-level things about them, they are not to interfere with each other's darlings unless specifically asked.

If they didn't strictly follow these rules, disaster would strike. Take the time in High school when Gabe and Ricky found out they both had their eyes on the same girl, they were on each other like dogs, both bloody and bruised because while Gabriel was much bigger, Ricky had this scary state he'd fall into where he just wailed on someone or something until he wasn't angry anymore if the others tried to step in they risked getting pulled into the scrap, it only stopped because their Mother came home, she rushed inside once she heard the commotion and snatched both of them up by the ear.

After their shared punishment of cleaning the whole house, they'd come up with the system they still used today, all in an effort to keep the peace. Both agreed to share the names and photos of their darling in their brothers-only group chat from that point on, that way if anyone had something to say they could before said brother got attached, Caspian had always found the system stupid and only ever agreed to it to get the younger two off his ass, he followed his heart and wouldn't stop until he had you securely in his arms. Damn what anyone said.

And yet, that first night after he met you he found himself sending over the most recent selfie you'd uploaded, he found your socials seconds after finding your full name and waited on bated breath for their response.

Gabe: 'She's cute, you meet her in that class you took today? Need any info?' Gabe was always the best at getting information fast, people loved him which meant he had connections.

'No thanks- I wanna do it myself.' He shot back, the second he sent that picture your fate had been sealed with him entwined.

Marcos: 'Took you long enough, any problems?'

That was Marcos for "Does she have anyone in her life in the way you want me to handle?"

'So far so good, no rats on the runway.' His two youngest brothers had a taste for violence and often enjoyed the process of clearing off those rats. He knew if he needed something done messy and mean, Marcos was the man.

Ricky: 👍

Caspian rolled his eyes not expecting much more from his enigma of a sibling. And lastly, he waited on his hardest to please family members.

Manny had yet to respond, instead, about fifteen minutes passed then Caspian received a call.

"You serious about her Cas?"

"As a heart attack little man." The nickname was a cheap play but he knew it soothe his violently protective little brother. "I gotta wait a minute before then but when she's ready for it I'd love for you to meet her Manny." He heard a shaky inhale before a deep sigh, ever the unpredictable one, he soon flipped his tone, now sounding like the 22-year-old he was, "You gotta' tell me everything Cas! What's she like? Does she smell good? Do you have a ton in common or is it like opposites attract kinda thing??" He'd spend the whole night on the phone dishing to his brother, the weight off his chest gone.

All in all, they play it safe!! Although in a fucked up timeline they all want the same Darling- Oh baby you are gone.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yananswers #yandere x y/n #anon submission #yandere ocs #yandere oc caspian #yandere oc gabe #yandere oc ricky #yandere oc marcos #yandere oc manny #yandere demlont family #caspian delmomt x reader #caspian delmont

[definitelynotshouting]

(scared) What... what happens if Grian explains right off the bat when he's found out? (shaking)

in reference to the tags of this ask

So like. A really huge part of what Scar's plan entails in canon-- and yes, it's Scar doing this partially on purpose-- is the inherent kindness of the hermits. You bring a starving, dying man back into the fold, and you can absolutely bet that the VAST majority of hermits will at LEAST let him stay until he's healthier again. This is a deliberate move on Scar's part!!! The urgency of the situation (plus the familiarity) creates more of an incentive to let Grian in and then let him linger, which gives him a chance to grow his roots again and make up with the hermits. Scar wants him home again, permanently, and in this game its basically ALL about buying time.

So what happens when you take away that sense of "he's gonna die if we dont keep him here" urgency?? Well...

Well, in an au where Grian fessed up instantly abt the starving and making games when confronted, there's a lot more room to think about it. In some ways, hunger!Grian's canonical reaction to shut down and just let them furiously throw them out was a lot kinder and ultimately worked to his advantage-- nobody got any answers, so they started looking. People are more willing to talk to him if only to understand why. There's a clear element of "i was just doing this to survive and i feel fucking horrible about it" that is,,, pretty undeniable when you've got the person in question self-harming pretty severely about it. And yes, there's pity. Not always a bad thing, and in this case thats the element Scar is deliberately tugging on to make Grian's stay a bit more palatable until he can reintegrate himself

But when you have time to think about it, without that immediate evidence, without that sense of raw urgency sorta blanketing everything so people dont question as much-- what you get is a more measured, and ultimately more negative outlook. The hermits OF COURSE take the time to help Grian figure out how to feed without using people's emotions. They're kind like that. They do care. But theres now more time to think about this, more time to decide yeah, thats valid, sure, but he still used us and hurt a lot of us and also we didnt consent.

Essentially, what im getting at here is that in a hunger au variant where Grian fesses up immediately, the hermits do help him figure out a way to feed without relying on others... and then when thats all sorted out, a vote is called, and Grian is politely but firmly requested to leave. So he loses them anyway, and without the benefit of a mystery to help bring him back.

Thats not to say the vote wasnt awfully divided, there were plenty of people who were at the very least okay with him staying. But with more time and less distance to think things out, a lot of the folks who fall into the "wary but willing to hear him out" category in canon (i have a whole chart fiejfjdj) ended up moving to the "we dont want him here" side of things because they found themselves understandably uncomfortable with the situation and the harm caused by it to others. To their friends.

Basically, its enough of a majority vote to get Grian kicked anyway and without an opening to return. And in this au, i dont think he would return. The au as i have it outlined is that Grian ends up spending years alone on a singleplayer world, falling into his grief and into the rote cycle of surviving but not thriving, until Iskall (one of the people who wanted him to stay) meets him in a market hub and eagerly gets back in touch with him.

Its very much one of those aus that really SQUEEZES your heart, bc its about the loneliness, and the emptiness of losing your entire community, and knowing it is your fault. Its about what happens when you fully isolate because of guilt and forget what its like to be happy because you wont LET yourself be happy. And its about relearning what its like to be a person instead of personified misery. The recovery in that au is SO much harder, so much of a more difficult road (which is saying smth considering canon's is already super difficult), and takes a lot more time and effort on Grian's part. Its a good au, one im really sinking my teeth into and chattering about in dms, but my gods is it significantly worse in many ways to canon hunger au

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #its actually so fucking tragic like. thinking abt the ways you can sink into your grief and forget what its like to LIVE #and ofc bc its me grian is also suicidal in this au. but theres less purpose and less energy to it #which is like. a very insidious form of suicidal ideation bc it permeates EVERYTHING #anyway yeah thats THAT hunger au variant and it makes me crazy /pos smth abt the ache of it all. man. #also dgmw abt scar like he is very genuine in his distress and fear for grian #but like listen. this man knows how to seize an opportunity and getting grian back is smth he is prepared to fight dirty for #immediate answers au #txt

[altraviolet]

so im neck deep in reading echo garden - hi, hope ur doing well, holy hell what is this beautiful piece of writing and worldbuilding omg? i originally wanted to ask you something like; 'what's your inspiration for your worldbuilding, what ideas did you come up with, pull/build from etc'

..but instead i wanna try and ask you a different question/for advice, if that's okay? (your writing went and gave me a mild crisis, congrats you've reached peak 'make-ppl-feel-things-thru-writing' skillz. :}) how do you even 'do' worldbuilding? because i'm doubting myself, reading your story lol. i know the whole.. 'we get inspiration from literally everything around us', 'there's no such thing as a truly original idea' etc,

but i'm just now breaking free of the thought that i have to.. produce something big and unique and grandiose? (for others? it's a weird attention-y 'ey look what i made' thing.) like, honestly, i fell in love with your worldbuilding but feel.. envious? like, 'oh, damn, i wish i was this good.' which, yeah, I KNOW is silly.

I don't know.. how to worldbuild/craft (whatever term) something that feels like mine? I keep comparing to others, and keep feeling like whatever bits and pieces come to me isn't good enough. Isn't unique/cool/giant/'oh-so-new-&-different' enough. like I have to somehow reach that impossible 'true original idea', without using any inspiration at all (otherwise it's not 'mine') - when everything's already been thought of before by countless people.

I'm sitting here in a really weird, silly, downright stupid at this point, circular loop and I don't know how to get out of it. I think not understanding what worldbuilding is, or how it works or even how having ideas works, might be why I've screwed myself here? And the internet's weird.. impossible standard for idea-having.

I have tiny pieces, the barest little foundations, I just don't know how to grow them into.. something, anything. (is maybe the thought that I ought to grow them in the first place one of the reasons I'm having trouble? and it's.. okay to not? that just because they're tiny, or simple, or mundane, doesn't mean they're worth less than 'bigger & better' chunks of ideas/worldbuilding?)

Hi! I'm doing okay, thanks. Vacation could be structured more to my liking, but family & obligation something something.

Anyway. Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying Echo Garden. Especially the worldbuilding, which is one of my favorite things to do. It seems like you're feeling a lot of mixed and heavy things about it. I don't know if I'm any authority to help you with that, but I'll give it a shot. Let's go through what you've sent me, albeit out of order. I'mma put this behind a cut, because it got very long.

>what is this beautiful piece of writing and worldbuilding omg? Thank you! I appreciate that. Here I would like to stress that this writing has taken me almost 4 years and hundreds and hundreds of hours, and hundreds of thousands of words to accomplish. If you think it is beautiful, I am happy to hear that! I will be honest: I am very proud of what I've done. But what I'm stressing here is that it was not effortless. It is beautiful, but it has taken a lot of work.

>i fell in love with your worldbuilding but feel.. envious? like, 'oh, damn, i wish i was this good.' which, yeah, I KNOW is silly. No, that's not silly. That's legit. Envy or jealousy are totally normal things to feel in any given situation. If the situations were reversed, I'd feel the same way. When I see people who have things or skills I wish I had, I feel it. This might be a good time to drop a little story about when I first thought about writing TF fic. Please do me a favor and go read this ask, you can skip down to the bold words that say NOTE THE WARNINGS AND TAGS BEFORE READING. Here I talk about how I didn't write for a year because I read a fic so good I knew I could never be that good.

tl;dr and/or moral: it's ok and natural to feel envious. Don't let it stop you from writing, though. If I had let TGWP stop me from writing, you'd never have Echo Garden. That'd be a shame, I think. I'm glad I decided to try writing, even though I knew I couldn't do something as good as what I admired. I did something else.

>how do you even 'do' worldbuilding? because i'm doubting myself, reading your story lol. i know the whole.. 'we get inspiration from literally everything around us', 'there's no such thing as a truly original idea' etc, I'll come back to your first question eventually, but I wanna address the latter statements: "We get inspiration from everything around us," yes, this is true. Being a sponge, being observant of the world, will help you build a 'library' of ideas. Artists have a term for this that escapes me at the moment, but the idea is, if an artist draws 1000 trees, and within those, 50 different kinds of trees, they now have an excellent mental tree 'library' to reference when they need to draw a tree. And since it's super easy to find irl references of trees, one might ask, what's the use of the mental library? It gives the artist the basics and a ton of variations on The Concept of a Tree. In a similar way, observing the world, reading stories, listening to music, absorbing creative works, etc will also add to your mental library. You can call on these things when worldbuilding later. Quick example: if you know the ins and outs of a hospital, because you're a nurse, you'll have a fantastic basis for a realistically operating sci fi hospital on another world. Take a concept relating to the hospital, as we know it on Earth, and change it. What if patients can regrow internal organs but not limbs? See what that does to the organization of the hospital. The staff, the pharmacy, the stock, the medical supplies. What changes? Organ donors aren't needed anymore. Would this mean an actual reduction in the species's understanding of how those organs work? An irl nurse won't have to do a ton of research to get the basics which are drawn upon to answer those questions.

This line of questioning took me to something I want to expand upon later, but for now: What kind of cultural issues could arise from this species's healing ability? Is someone who was forced to grow a new liver due to an accident "less than" someone who has their original liver? Hold onto the fact that we just went from hospital -> biology -> culture. "There's no such thing as a truly original idea," I disagree with this statement, though I know it is a very, very popular one. I think it is true that plots and archetypes are commonly used over and over again. I think there are still original ideas out there, though. I pride myself on it, to be honest. Some of the worldbuilding you like so much comes from ideas that I've not seen in either TF canon or fanon. They tend to be smaller details that feed into bigger systems, once you take them to their logical endpoints. More on that later.

>I keep comparing to others, and keep feeling like whatever bits and pieces come to me isn't good enough. Isn't unique/cool/giant/'oh-so-new-&-different' enough.

All I can say here is that comparison is the thief of joy. If we're talking strictly fanfic, it shouldn't be this stressful on you. People love tropes for a reason. Don't be afraid to use them. Echo Garden itself has a few. "Enemies to lovers" never quite felt like the correct term, but it is recognizable and there are tons of fans of it. Remember the thing about me not writing for a year cuz I thought I wasn't good enough. Don't do that. Comparison is the thief of joy! >like I have to somehow reach that impossible 'true original idea', without using any inspiration at all (otherwise it's not 'mine') - when everything's already been thought of before by countless people.

Again, I do think there are truly original ideas still out there. You have a unique view of the world. Writing is one way to share it. All your experiences, your education, your hardships and your victories shape who you are. No one else will be looking out the same eyeballs. With practice, you can find ideas. I'll explain how I do it. Maybe that will help you, too. Though you do have, by your own words, little pieces: I have tiny pieces, the barest little foundations, I just don't know how to grow them into.. something, anything. Little pieces are a good place to start. And if they stay little, that's fine. Having a ton of little pieces layered on top of each other is what contributes richness to your world.

My goal with all the above was to address the emotional aspect of your ask. I haven't gone through everything, but I'd like to get to your core question. I am going to answer it literally, in a way that might not help you, then try to break it down into something that might be helpful.

how do you even 'do' worldbuilding?

I think. All the time. I am one of those people who has a laser focus and is able to make connections between unrelated ideas. I am always, always thinking. It's not really daydreaming. It's thinking about a single idea and then taking it for a ride down a million "what if?" paths. Put it this way: I think watching astronomy lectures is fun and I loathe parties. Fun for me is world building: building literal worlds. Playing with ideas. So how do I 'do' worldbuilding? Mostly in my head. Once I get some ideas that make sense, I write them down so I don't forget them. If I'm lucky, I'm at home at my computer and can type them fast. If I'm not, I'm at work, and I scribble them on pieces of paper. It can be anything, from a huge plot point to a teeny tiny detail.

How do I think? If I'm world building from nothing (as opposed to solving a problem or building on top of previously thought of stuff), I just... think of things that fascinate me. For Transformers, that's their biology and how it links to culture. It's their alienness. The possible geology of their world. I freaking love just thinking about that!

Once you have a fascinating idea, you push it. What does that mean? Do you recall, in the nurse/hospital example above, I noted that, while we started with 'hospital setting,' it moved to how that healing factor could be interpreted in the culture of that species? That was what I mean: taking the idea of 'alien hospital' to 'what does this mean about their biology?' to 'what does this mean about their culture?' And to be honest, this is how I do a lot of world building. Culture comes from biology and geology. This is a personal theory I have, I'm sure anthropologists have a better definition of culture. But that's the one I use for worldbuilding. What is the consequence of your fascinating idea? That is the key for me. That is how I worldbuild.

If I'm worldbuilding on top of previous stuff, it's sometimes a bit harder or easier, depending on how the previous stuff narrows your possibilities. But in that case, I usually try to be as logical as possible. Here's an example for Echo Garden:

canon facts: the Lost Light has a fuel furnace and an engine room and a bridge

me: hmm, okay, the LL has utilities and facilities, kind of like a small town. someone has to tend to those things. I'm sure some mechs have specialized knowledge that makes them a better fit for maintaining/upkeeping certain things than others. We saw Blaster on the bridge acting as a communications officer of sorts. Hmm, he's probably the best bet for keeping comm-related stuff clean and running. Hmm, that fuel furnace... I bet it's really hot in there, lol. I bet it's complicated in there. They probably have to color code the pathways to the different furnaces. I bet most mechs wouldn't like being in there because it's so hot. I wonder who'd get stuck with that chore. Well... Rodimus is fireproof, basically, and Trailbreaker could protect himself with his shield. So they can do that chore.

It feels rambly when I write it out. I suppose it could be. I do this very quickly in my mind, though. I pull from everything I know: canon, fanon, things I know from my own life experiences. This 'pulling' happens all at the same time. So, going back to that 'mental library,' as you can see, that's a powerful thing for me to have for my worldbuilding method.

Okay okay, so how can I make all that into something actionable by you? Good question. I suppose I will answer it with more questions!

Precisely define what it is you want to worldbuild. Is it cultural (language, food, clothing, music, etc)? Is it biological (bodies, adaptations, appearance, etc)? Is it environmental (geology of the world, or the inside of a space ship)? What exactly do you want to accomplish?

Once you have selected your Topic, think about all the things related to that Topic. What are the usual characteristics of Topic? Which of those characteristics can you change to fit your world? Example: food in TF. Food is often energon or engex. Food in real life is a huge part of culture. If your goal is to showcase a character making a special dish, maybe pick an irl dish you like, and see how its preparation would change if it was made out of a pretty, glowy energon-y substance instead of whatever it's made of on Earth.

If you haven't worldbuilt to your satisfaction, try another avenue. What else about Topic can you think of? What are your personal experiences regarding Topic? Maybe go do some research on Topic- you might find a neat little tidbit to incorporate into your writing.

Once you've worldbuilt Topic to your satisfaction, link it to the rest of your world! What does Topic existing do to your environment? To your characters? It's okay if Topic isn't a huge deal. That's totally fine! It's lovely to just have little worldbuilding details hanging around in the background. Remember- layering lots of tiny details really helps make a world feel rich and lived in. In the event that Topic is a big deal, repeat step 2 to discover how it affects your world.

Once Topic is happily integrated into your world, repeat the process! Take breaks, listen to music. Zone out. See if your brain can make some weird connections while you're not even really thinking about it. Be open to something that sounds kinda nuts at first. Maybe there's a way to pull it off! Or maybe not.

Side note: if you think of a really cool idea but it doesn't fit into the story you're writing right now, stick it in a file for later. Mmm, delicious ideas file, ready to be cannibalized for your next story.

So... yeah! That's how I worldbuild. Thinking a LOT and connecting ideas together and then pushing them to logical extremes/conclusions.

If you have any specific questions about anything I've written, feel free to ask. I don't think my method will work for everyone, but hopefully you can put your own spin on it and find a method that works for you.

Best of luck and happy worldbuilding :)

#ask #long post #worldbuilding #world building #nyctocryptid

[oekaki-chan]

hey c! can i ask how do we get over the feeling of embarassment when drawing self-indulgent shippy fanart? i've seen most of your amazing art and i've noticed that you don't seem to hold back when drawing fanarts, it's really beautiful with the way you portray characters' intimate relationships.. be it thru manga, illustrations, sketches. I have quite a lot of ideas on my mind that I want to draw similar to what you've drawn in terms of shipping characters, but I can't help but feel embarassed most of the time when I attempt to draw, thinking that it's "cringe" or I should draw something else with more deeper meaning into it, not just shippy stuff.. so I get very hesitant posting said art online or even starting the sketch (i haven't drawn 95% of my written ideas for nearly a year ;_; pain lol) since a few of my friends might see and question it lmao but deep down i really want to draw them ofc! i'm just very scared with what others think, but I do want to show myself more through my art and what I really like to draw.. Have you had a similar feeling of embarassment too c? I'm sorry if this got too long, I don't rly have any artist friends to talk to this about :')) I'm just so amazed at how you're able to fight the fear and just draw what you want in the end ^-^ I hope I can be like that too with myself and art, there are rare times where I just say f*ck it and post it anyway but 99% of the time is just me overthinking on whether it's cringe or not but I want to be cringe so bad so I can just be free and draw whatever the heck I want! ahh so many conflicting feelings ;_; i hope you get what I mean, thank you again for responding to my previous asks with the colors and numerous questions! I'm sorry for being so curious lol i just want to draw my favorite characters to kiss and cuddle so bad but im too scared to even draw them so intimately like that so i dont even draw majority of my ideas for fear of being judged :'D :') :(( hope u had a nice day c!

I might never show it but actually I relate to you so hard, it's not once or twice that I keep overthinking if my art is too self-indulgent and cringe, everytime I'm about to post my art I'm one click away to post it but I always have this nagging worry of people judging my art (even tho there's nothing wrong with it, for god's sake!!!) so I just spend another 30 minutes worrying about it until I close my eyes, flick my finger quickly, and close the tab.

And oh god in heaven put a curse on meme culture for this because there was this one instance when someone made a corny meme out of my art (that's not even a funny drawing) and dared to send it to me, I know it's only one person but it's enough to crush my confidence in drawing and posting shippy/emotional art.

Whenever I draw my favorite characters looking all seductive and cool I always worry people would think it's cringe, whenever I draw characters kissing I always worry people would think I'm weird, but then I remember about the other artists I like who post (their own) self-indulgent stuff and they make me joyous, I want people to feel the same way about my art when I post my own self-indulgent art too, so I guess that's what keeps me doing what I do today 😂

My 2023 resolution is just to stop giving a single damn about what people think of my art, if they think it's cringe then so be it, I can't control the mind of people, at least the cringe art gives me the happy brain chemicals and that's what truly matters 😊

#ask

[seariii]

Hi Seari 😭 sorry to flood your ask box again lol, but I just wanted to let you know how I appreciate how appreciative you are if that makes sense? You always take the time to thank everyone frequently, you’re eloquent with your words, and you just have this air of gratitude with you where ever you go. And I really admire that about you <3 I want to strive to personally work on that because it’s difficult for my brain to comprehend those kinds of things for myself, so I wanted to let you know how you’ve inspired me to work towards that <3 ilu and thank you so much for being you

aw rose.... this made me really soft.... i love you a lot, really. and dont apologize, you can flood my ask box with more than 20 questions/messages a day and i'll be extremely happy

serious talk for a little bit hahaha... ill put it under the cut because i started rambling and got a bit long.... YOU DONT HAVE TO READ ALL THAT OKAY???? just the last paragraph, thats a message for you

tldr of the serious talk under the cut: Unknown Mother Goose by Wowaka (i also really liked this adaptation) "Even if the world were to reject me today, would i still be able to sing a song of love?"

i never really thought about that, you know? i enjoy telling people how i feel about them, especially to people i love. and im thinking for how long have i done this... when did i start... im not entirely sure... i can go far back when i barely did it, but did it every once in a while like a birthday or when i started to notice the people around me werent giving up on me... and i can go back relatively recently where this feelings landed me in a kind community during covid...

in all honesty, i believe this feelings of gratefulness, of having to express them come from being scared of losing people... come from a lonely place... when you feel cold or have felt cold for so long that you dont remember much warmth, when you find that warmth its soft, gentle, and a little overwhelming... i have many problems connecting with people, and in my own brain, sometimes i feel like im all alone in the world... but... people are warm... people are kind... you, them, make it feel like maybe the entities around me arent just faceless shadows...

i joke with my bestie about how we are that meme of "nothing in life matters" but im the happy one and hes the existential one, but a lot of time i truly feel like that. and from that, makes it easier to enjoy the little sweet stuff, the sweetness of the people around me... and its impressive when i notice that sometimes it doesnt have any reason behind it, or that the reason is just love... its like my brain cant comprehend others doing stuff out of love for the world, so i always get surprised when someone does it for me (and oh boy have i been surprised to tears with you all pretty people)... i think life is a little silly and there isnt much meaning, but that gives us freedom... and that makes everything a person does beautiful...

... you know rose? thank you. i feel like im about to cry hahahahaha /pos ... thank you for always being so kind, so sweet to me, you make me feel like things are okay, and it genuinely makes me happy to see you or interact or talk with you. it made me really happy that you wanted to include me in the conversation, in the group. im someone who feels lonely easily, and the kindness you've shown me has really made me happy and... i really appreciate it... sometimes i say i dont have the words and still try to express myself, because i want to make my message get across... like right now in this paragraph hahaha.... you are someone who i really really appreciate and i just wish to see you happy and achieve everything you want. just know that no matter what, ill be rooting for you, you truly deserve everything in this world, thats how i feel.... im thankful and moved that i inspired you... i never thought id have that effect on people... thank you

#i'll infodump you about my last 2 kids after i arrange some stuff i have pending on my to do list #i love you a lot... and i love all the warm people where a lot... #MORE SEARI LORE IS DROPPING JSJSJSJSJS #sorry if it was heavy or anything #seari talks #seari answers

[amysubmits]

Hi Amy! I just found your blog and really wanted to talk to you if you've got time but I got nervous so here's an anon. So I'm in my very early twenties and in the last few years have been really interested and taken by the idea of d/s dynamics. I don't have a boyfriend and am not really comfortable signing up to any sites so that's not really the issue. But as I'm going on dates and stuff I do find myself looking for that character that would resemble a dominant guy. I didn't realize it but I am attracted to that energy. What I'm concerned about though is the reason...for that attraction. So I'm in drama school but we can't really afford it so I have 2 part time jobs rn. One is this modeling agency that sometimes gets me by. It doest do much in my country but once a month a few hundred if im lucky, do come in handy. The issue is that the people I'm around and the environment is very toxic. Not just in a photoshoot but mainly. I've had to shut my mouth and smile and "submit" to guys just to remain part of the project. I don't feel comfortable doing more provocative stuff so that's been an issue and my manager keeps pressuring me about it at every opportunity. The relationship w him is weird he's a nice guy in general but sometimes he's too pushy. I also had a bf in the past (the only one) we were together briefly but he ordered me around a lot, and we never talked ab any of this but he was very strict with what I wore ect. What I'm trying to say is, I've had very traumatic experiences w all these people and am really worried whether the dynamic between us pushed me to want it? Like if my desires are somehow influenced by my trauma? Have you had similar concerns? How did you realize this is what you wanted and that it is not a response to something? I hope you're comfortable answering, but if not thank you for what you're doing your page has been really informative and I've learnt a lot xxxxx

Hi there!

I would be happy for you to message me if you decide you feel comfortable at any point, but anons are okay too! It's a big part of why I leave them on, for people who feel comfortable sending asks but not asking questions or whatever on DM. :)

This worry you're sharing about wondering if your desire to be a sub or be submissive comes from your trauma is something that I think a ton of subs have considered or worried about at some point. You'll definitely get a different answer to these questions if you ask other people. In my view, this is one of those areas where the 'right' answer can vary from person to person. So, this is just my take of course.

I am trying to avoid writing an extremely long post, so if you want or need me to elaborate feel free to follow up. But in a nutshell...I think most people have "little t trauma" from childhood that caused them to adapt to try to find connection and feel safe (physically or emotionally) and loved from a SUPER young age, to the point where it's challenging to know what it even would mean for a lot of us to say X is me, but Y is my trauma. Like 50% of the population has an insecure attachment style, and that primarily develops in the first year of our lives. So then we're still babies but we're already trying to change our own behavior to feel connected to our mother or our primary care giver. When that's the case...I think it's really, really tough to know who or what you would have been without the trauma as it's baked into your personality and coping methods SO early that we can't remember anything else. And so...I guess my goal has been to try to do a combination of accepting myself while also looking as honestly as I can at who/how I am now and look to change anything that I want to change or think needs improved. And with that in mind...I couldn't begin to tell you if I'd be a sub sexually or personality wise if I didn't have trauma. I just think that's an impossible question to try to figure out. Instead, I try to look at whether what I crave is healthy. If what I want to do is healthy for me, then it's okay if it IS based in trauma. I mean, plenty of things can be caused by trauma but still be really good things. For example, I feel pretty confident that the reason I seek healthy, safe feeling communication with my partner is because I grew up with lots of yelling and conflict and meanness. But I think that desire to have healthy, loving, safe communication is a good thing so I don't feel the need to reject that desire I have, as it's good, regardless of the cause being 'negative' or sad. I've come to the conclusion that D/s and BDSM can be healthy things for me. That isn't to say that I think I could do anything I wanted and call it D/s or BDSM and have it be healthy. But I think that a lot of what I desire sexually and within my relationship is healthy, and I embrace those things. And when I find myself craving something that is less healthy, I try to avoid embracing those ideas, or avoid acting out those fantasies, or resist those behaviors. For me, one thing I have to fight against is the instinct to be extremely passive. Passive feels safe to me because of my trauma, and I can sometimes incorrectly convince myself that I am being a good sub by being passive. That isn't always true, so I have to really keep an eye on any passivity and make sure that I am truly submitting from a place of desire and choice, and not from a place of it 'feeling good' because my brain is telling me that inactivity to appease others is safe and familiar. We try to regularly re-look at the things we do and ask ourselves again if all the details of how we're managing our D/s and BDSM are healthy for both of us. We try to ask if we're reinforcing healthy ideas or unhealthy ideas. Sometimes it changes over time and we have to adjust.

With you being new and young, I'd also suggest that you try to be extremely careful with what you learn about D/s and BDSM, and triple check that it's healthy. Some people will claim that literally anything done in the name of kink is healthy as long as it's consensual. I think that is a really wild viewpoint, personally. I think consent is really the absolute bare minimum, but a lot of people will consent to things that are harmful to them emotionally, and I think that is unhealthy. Of course, what is unhealthy is extremely opinion based, and I think it also can vary a lot from person to person...something could be unhealthy for me to consent to but perfectly healthy for you to consent to if we have different life experiences, different traumas, etc. At a really basic level I'd suggest looking really closely at whether D/s and BDSM make you feel good in terms of things like...confident, loved, empowered, authentic, loved, safe, secure, etc - or if it feels outright bad, or 'good' but only in the sense that feeling bad feels somewhat good to you (this is true for some with trauma), or if it makes you feel small, inferior, used, scared, insecure, etc. And then also if/when you get into a D/s relationship look at whether the things you try seem to be inspiring positive changes and growth, or negative patterns. Maybe at first you happily agree to let your dom decide whether or when to cut your hair, but over time you realize that you feel less 'yourself' when you can't control your own hairstyle fully. If that becomes the case, then in my opinion, it would be healthier to go back to deciding your own hair.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it's helpful in some way. Good luck to you, please continue to look out for yourself! It can be a scary world out there for young subs. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to look out for yourself though...even in wanting to figure out what your answer to the questions you sent in this ask are. So, good work. :)

#asks #d/s