#ik we answered quite a few asks abt it

[campbyler]

curious: do you guys generally write the entire chapter and then have the other go in to beta/go back and edit or do you do it a little at a time?

hi wayli! usually we share google doc access w each other when we are like halfway to 2/3rds-ish done, just so the other person can read everything and catch up, bc it def helps when you’re starting a chapter and getting through the awkward stage to be able to do so with some privacy lol. we don’t really go in to Edit until whoever is writing the chapter is pretty close to finishing — probably with i want to say maybeeee one scene’s worth of total writing left? (including transitions and some filler bits and whatnot). it helps us to do it all at once so that we can keep track of things like consistency and repetition. we also leave comments on our own doc as we write marking areas we want the other person to keep an eye out for, or specific parts where we struggled and need help rewording etc, so that definitely is made easier when we have as much written to work with as possible!

#do we have a writing process tag #ik we answered quite a few asks abt it #writing process #<- just in case #asks

[nayruwu]

This ques has been bothering me since I entered in this fandom.... How important is shinya to guren. Guren is surely very important to shinya as even his desire was to 'never give up on guren' but what abt guren. What I mean to say is:-

- guren has a lot of people who he loves and it's often (no, always) difficult to understand what his priority is, it's like his priority changed depending upon the situation,but then when someone is imp to you they are always your priority right?, talk abt shinya then I belive his top priority is guren. Therefore I'd ask 'is shinya guren's priority?'

-shinya has often seen showing his care for guren but that's not case with guren who is a tsundere but even if we talk abt actions guren has done a lot for shinya but he has done the same for 'the others' too I'm not saying he shouldn't but if I were to compare then, 'if shinya was the only one who died then would guren have touched the taboo?'

-guren has had a quiet a few people who are important to him like sakae, mahiru and shinya, again I'm not saying I want guren to consider shinya more important than his *father*, but when talking abt shinya i don't think he has had such people in his life therefore guren is somene 'different' in his life but I guess that's not the case with guren so, 'will it be easy for guren to sideline shinya?'

- finally, if some is important to us we care abt their emotions more than (or in addition to) their physical presence right? But the past few actions of guren he is kind of ignoring shinya's emotions

That's it ( ik that's quite long) but honestly thanku for even giving some time to read this silly question. I can be wrong , and if i am then please correct me.

Also I am not saying I want guren to make shinya his top priority I am just asking his importance in guren's life, and in order to do that I may have compared a few chracters but at the end of the I love guren and shinya and till the time they are happy I'm happy

a long ask requires a long answer. ghostwritten by my lovely friend mr. guren expert because there's no way i could have done this. hope you don't mind!

Those are some. pretty loaded questions with alot of nuance to them, but I'll do my best to reflect on them.

To dive right in, I think "If Shinya was the only one who'd died then, would Guren have touched the taboo" is an absolutely fascinating question to do this case study on. Of course, Guren ending the world was not something that happened exclusively because of the value Shinya holds to Guren. Being predestined, there were multiple factors at play, and I think your question is quite difficult to answer, specifically due the complexity of these circumstances. You're under the assumption that Shinya places a higher value on Guren than Guren does on him, because he never had any other attachments before him, and Guren therefore becomes his priority by default right?

Well I don't think the fact that Guren has attachments outside of Shinya, necessarily takes away from how much Shinya means to him. If anything it elevates that. In resurrection (Book 1, Page 24) it says "If Shinya didn't come back, Guren had violated the taboo for nothing." This idea is brought up multiple times throughout the book and does at the very least imply that had only Shinya lived, Guren would not have been the one to cause the catastrophe. Now while that is not the exact same case scenario, it does affirm the notion that Guren values Shinya's life above the lifes of his other friends, and perhaps, Mahiru if you want to take her into the equation too.

But I also know that Guren didn't only end the world for Shinya's sake, even if that might've been at the forefront of it. While I totally see your point about Guren having things Shinya lacks, you also have to understand that all of the attachments Guren has are under constant threat of being taken from him. By the time Guren ends the world for Shinya, he has already lost Sakae, he never had Mahiru to begin with and he has barely just found companionship with his friends.

(I don't think that comparing Sakae and Shinya's importance to Guren does much to prove a point either way, because Guren has never found himself in a situation where he had to weigh their lives against each other, like he did with Mahiru. When Sakae died, Guren and Shinya had only just begun to be friends in earnest and Shinya was always on Guren's side in trying to lift Sakae's execution order. While Guren does seem to prioritize a duty towards his clan over a duty towards saving Mahiru, Shinya is not within that. Yes, with his clan Guren had a semblance of community that Shinya never did, but i don't think it influenced whether or not he would end up valuing Shinya above it later on.)

I suspect that the fact that this was new for Guren too, friendship without the weight of expectations his Clan or Mahiru placed on him, factored into why Guren was so vulnerable, why he couldn't withstand. Guren didn't exactly have much autonomy under the Hiiragi regime and a big part of why Guren is "a tsundere" as you so delicately put it is because he is afraid that being emotionally attached to something, showing "weakness", wanting to save others, will cause them to be annihilated. And he's right at that, too. It's a threat both the Hiiragi and the curse of the resurrection pose. It's literally what caused him to end the world in the first place.

While Shinya isnt the first person Guren ever loved, he still holds a special symbolic value to him. It's about how they would've won had they died together, it's about weakness as the correct path, it's about reminding Guren of what he believes in and who he wants to be. I think you can most recognize the importance Shinya holds as Guren's moral compass in the last catastrophe book as well as resurrection, and you can see the care Guren has for him in his constant consideration of whether or not what he is doing is right by Shinya. Right in general.

The thing about Guren is that at his core his character motivation is that he wants to save everyone (whether that centeres around the liberation of his clan, or just people he generally deems weak (marginalized so to speak) or the resurrection of all of mankind.) But this isn't an entirely selfless ambition. (Guren's desire to save Mahiru has also always been. conflicted for this reason.)

Guren does acknowledge that this desire also stems from a need of approval, as well as jealousy and want of power. Oftentimes Guren will end up in situations where this is challenged head on, because he cannot in fact commit himself to saving everyone and simultaneously get what he wants, and is therefore forced to choose between the two obstacles.

When confronted with a choice like that, Guren will usually take a fundamentally selfish approach to it, sacrificing others for sake of his own pursuits: risking or sacrificing lives for the sake of saving Mahiru, sacrificing countless lives for sake of resurrecting Shinya (and his other friends), as well as the sacrificing of lives and the human experimentation he was involved in for sake of resurrecting humankind.

See Guren does in fact prioritize Shinya—else he would not end the world for worth of this one life, nor go to such gruelling lengths is finding a way to keep him alive even when the means to do it require him to contradict the principles he believes in. But unlike with Shinya, it is an inherently selfish act for him. While Shinya doesn't want to save Guren for the sake of any personal gain, not giving up on Guren being a purely selfless ambition, Guren is not satisfied with that. The thing I think Guren rationally believes, the moral stance he would take in an argument, is that there is no way to measure the value of a human life and no one is superior to anything. Guren is a very anti authorian character in that regard. Still Guren, in that very selfish irrational way, does value Shinya's life above all others regardless of this belief.

It's not really that Guren doesn't want to prioritize Shinya, I don't think, (because again that is too much of a rational approach to this), but more so that he knows he can't fulfil both a goal of resurrecting all of humanity and peruse his personal wish of keeping his friends alive. But this is what you have to understand right, it's that. Guren doesn't care that that's likely not possible. He will try in vain to keep pursuing both goals at once anyway. And that's where the conflict emerges from. You bring up that you don't think Guren is very considerate of Shinya in this regard, and congrats youre right about that. It is another sacrifice he feels he has to make. Hurting Shinya is a necessity in keeping him alive and I think Guren is sorry about it, but not willing to change it. I don't think Guren's goals and priorities are something that is inconsistent and changes with the circumstances and instead that they are consistent, but constantly at odds with each other.

Tl;dr yes I do think Shinya is a priority for Guren, but unlike how Shinya feels for him in return it is in a much more symbolic manner, often more centered around the idea of Shinya and what he means to Guren and why Guren needs him and than about Shinya himself

#you guys better thank fedya. i think i gave him a massive headache but it was worth it!

[notasapleasure]

Oh I realized I forgot to ask about Jerott/Marthe plans (I think I’ve seen what you’ve written but I’d love to hear abt the other ideas too!) and “AU of an AU” bc I wanna know how the townhouse stay goes!

I'll answer Au of an au separately :')

Ik I must have mentioned this a million times, but it always bears repeating :') the whole ethos of band AU Jerott/Marthe is summarised by the song Precious Things by Tori Amos:

So I ran faster But it caught me here Yes, my loyalties turned Like my ankle In the seventh grade Running after Billy Running after the rain

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

He said "you're really an ugly girl But I like the way you play" And I died, but I thanked him Can you believe that? Sick, sick, holding on to his picture Dressing up every day I wanna smash the faces Of those beautiful boys Those Christian boys So, you can make me cum That doesn't make you Jesus

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Their hold on me

I remember, yes In my peach party dress No one dared No one cared to tell me Where the pretty girls are Those demigods With their nine-inch nails And little fascist panties Tucked inside the heart Of every nice girl

These precious things Let them bleed Let them wash away These precious things Let them break Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them bleed, now Let them wash away These, these precious things Let them break Their hold on me

--

I also actually made a band AU playlist for them ages and ages ago, but some of those songs have since been repurposed to other characters' playlists and I think I'd rework it quite heavily now. Still, gives an idea of the vibes.

More answer and fic below the cut

Marthe gets saddled with minding Jerott while he finishes up his stint in rehab (Anemone on Ao3). She doesn't let on what she knows of where Francis has gone - nor who he's gone with - and Jerott's probably surprisingly tolerable while he's sober and chastened after all the drama of the road trip etc. They get to jamming together and do a few shows for pocket money, and probably bond over some obscure artists and songs they didn't think anyone else knew about/thought were cool in that day and age (mutual love of Nature Boy ftw haha yes I am aware of what I did there: 'the greatest thing you'll ever learn / is just to love / and be loved / in return').

Marthe, cynical about her chances of a solo career in the wake of Kiaya's departure, sees in Jerott a competant musician who she might bend to play her kind of music, to allow her to kind of ride on-his-coattails into the charts/European market (grudgingly admitting the need for a Man in the music industry, thanks for the 'lesson', Kiaya), from where she might find her own niche. They do have chemistry on stage at this point, playing covers together and challenging each other to play better than the other. I think that leads her to a moment of vulnerability where she makes a last gasp effort to convince herself she's bi, when it's really just that competence is a draw no matter who they are. But Jerott's still sober and he's so excited she's willing to tolerate him (oh thank god!! I was attracted to her and not Francis after all!!) that he's well behaved and keeps his mouth shut when told to (see excerpt below). He is also, as we have discussed, A Good Sex Haver, or at least is very much the kind of guy who gets off on giving good head (it's MY au and I'll do what I want to make elements of their marriage less grim ok??), so even if Marthe's not keen on piv she can live with the situation.

The marriage is something they both claim to go into with eyes wide open - knowing it suits her to have access to European residency (I am not looking up citizenship law for this ask, but Jerott probably has dual French/British if that's possible at the time) and knowing that he's obsessed with her(/Francis) while she's kind of indifferent/tolerating him. But of course he believes she'll come to love him anyway, and he believes he doesn't love Francis, and she believes he'll stay sober and meek and won't mind being teased about Francis when it's obvious that's who he'd rather be with.

They do some touring and it starts well - Fleetwood Mac energy, bouncing from love to hate depending on the kind of day they've had. They get a pretty good record contract, but they absolutely blow the recording of it. They have to *live* together for the first time, not on tour, but in a place near the studio, confined and at each other's throats. He starts drinking again. She won't compromise musically. It's a total flop - the lyrics are called outdated and garbled, the music is overproduced, stifled and jars from one track to the next. They play a few live shows where some of the tracks come into their own a bit, but the reviews put such a strain on them they pull their tour and fuck off to Europe, like living together in Jerott's ancestral homelands and sorting through Marthe's grandma's junk is somehow going to improve things.

So that's when things start to come apart, even though they're ostensibly working on a second record together they're not touring and they're working from a home studio, so their world is quite limited and Marthe branches out and finds French friends while Jerott obsessively follows the music news and write great long epistles to Francis.

In terms of the fic I mentioned, the idea was trying to write the highs (well, moderate peaks) and lows of their relationship through sex. I never got very far with the first one (below) but the idea was that 1) leaves Marthe mildly impressed, 2) a bit uncertain of how this might evolve, but still happy enough, 3) he says 'Francis' when he comes, but he's sober and just very tired so she elects to ignore it for now, 4) starting to get bored with this, the tour is tiiiring, 5) studio life doesn't suit them, he's not sober, and when he says 'Francis' this time she's absolutely calling him on it.

I did still intend to write a version of this fic set between the Baron Morgan/Aga Morat stuff and Checkmate, but I only wrote one scene between them, which you've read :)

Others haven't though! So I'll post it beneath the excerpt from the unfinished bit. It makes reference to her suspicion that it's only a matter of time before he calls her 'Francis' and alludes to a less-than-happy occasion on which GRM pulled his hair, not like he's ready to talk about that with Marthe...uh...ever? I imagined it set sometime during their tour, before they get bogged down trying to record their album. It's more them, I think - Marthe eternally shadowed by a kind of self-loathing and resentment of Jerott that's never going to go away.

--

Draft 1

She's pleasantly surprised pre-wedding

No, that won't work, but keep doing it if you have to

He says 'Francis' when he shouldn't

So you can make me come it doesn't make you Jesus

She calls him out on saying Francis, he clearly had no idea he'd said it

1.

By the end of the encore, laughing and waving into what seemed a physical wall of noise, Jerott knew he had never been happier in his life. The crowd wasn't the biggest he had played to, the set had been rough and ready, but there was a spark on that stage that even Marthe could no longer deny. She stepped up to stand by his side and raise her own arms, and she smiled across at Jerott: a small, wry little thing, but a smile that contained genuine pride.

In the motel corridor, Jerott stopped at her shoulder, each of them facing opposite directions. She looked at him from the corner of her eye, her long, white neck held tall and straight, her smile something that even now she fought, but that made her cornflower blue eyes sparkle.

"That was pretty good, right?" He offered his most bashful, winning grin in return, lowering his chin and gaze.

Marthe snorted. "Yeah," she admitted though. "Yeah it was. You can play, I'll give you that."

He raised his brows and tried not to laugh or blush - he knew he could play, he'd never needed to hear it from her. But she was looking at him still, in a strange and calculating manner that made him feel weighted to the spot. Her eyes narrowed, sweat-smudged kohl hemming in their vibrant colour, and she bit her lip.

He didn't notice her hand move until it began to slide around his, neat and warm, her fingers following the sensitive contours of his palm.

Jerott sucked in a breath and his hand tightened reflexively on hers. At the pressure, Marthe's expression flickered, the corners of her mouth moving with something tight and resigned and her nostrils flaring. But she didn't try to withdraw.

She said nothing, and he saw blooms of colour, like peonies, cover the pale skin of her chest and throat. Her pulse flickered in the pronounced v of tendons between her collarbones and Jerott ached to press his mouth to it and feel her life, separate and strange beneath his lips.

Marthe tugged his hand until he took a step sideways, and the lengths of their arms were aligned: his bare brown skin against her rumpled shirt and white skin, long black hairs mingling with the fine blonde ones covering her forearm. Her face was only inches from his. It was smooth as polished marble, distinguished here and there by traces of the complexities of her existence: fine echoes of all her frowns and smiles in the lines that could not be seen when he stood back. And he had never known her eyes so wide, her mouth part with such softness.

Jerott felt his heart jolt at the expression on her face. He had imagined it so many times, in so many places, and it could never have compared to the way she looked now: sultry and confident, gently, wryly amused, and - finally - interested in what she saw in return?

"You think I can play?" He murmured, leaning into her gravity, his smile smooth and his eyes steady.

She grinned, but it made the hairs on his arms stand on end: a sense of danger gathering. "Don't," Marthe said, her voice crisp and firm.

He raised his eyebrows and broadened his sweetest smile. With an unsteady breath he lowered his face still closer to hers.

Marthe snorted, blue fire dancing in her eyes, the dimples in her cheeks sinking deeper. "I said don't!" She repeated, but her grin crept into her voice. "Don't pull that smooth shit with me, you got your compliment."

Jerott laughed silently and looked down, his eyes hovering on her lips as he contemplated saying another foolish thing.

She must have seen the idiocy on the tip of his tongue and pre-empted it: "Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up," she raked the last syllable over her vocal chords, drawling , chuckling, edging nearer herself until her nose brushed against his. Her mascara-coated lashes lowered until the last moment.

Jerott met her eyes as their lips touched: blue like an open sky, blue like denim and fresh water. Her mouth was soft and hot, closed over his own parched mouth as she tested the feel of him, her open eyes seeking out the response she elicited.

He tried to hold her stare, but her lips moved against his, her teeth met his lower lip with gentle, teasing pressure, and he gasped and his eyes fell shut. His free hand came up to her shoulder, which was warm beneath the shirt she had shrugged on over her sweat-dark tank top, the perfect fit against his palm.

--

Draft 2

He'd proven himself, to Marthe's great surprise, an enthusiastic and generous lover. No inheritor to Gaultier's bored, unimaginative humping was Jerott Blyth; he'd go down on her at the drop of a hat, and he'd do it well; backstage, back alleys, motel rooms - wherever he could get his hands on her while they were both still buzzing with the adrenaline of the set they'd played.

Marthe wasn't sure if it made it easier or harder when he was above her in a motel bed then, taking what he assumed would be given freely in exchange for his own efforts. She did try, for the first few times, to work out if she might like it when it was a handsome young man between her legs instead of her dry, detached professor. But though she entertained the idea of being someone, something else, it wasn't long before she knew it just wasn't for her - neither in the sense of something given, nor in the sense of appealing to her tastes.

But he wasn't Gaultier, she wasn't his pet, and he could play. Their sets were electric, furious, wild in a way Marthe had never had the freedom to be publicly before. And afterwards he wanted to - and could - make her cum like no one she'd met since the girlfriend she'd had back in halls, and after that she was able to simply lie there and wait for him to finish without even feeling much of anything.

Gaultier had developed a habit of working on his compositions while he fucked her - eyes closed, mentally picturing the stave as he hummed and muttered notes to himself. Jerott, on the other hand, was gentleman enough to admire her with his eyes, his hands, his tongue. To never forget a condom the way Gaulter had from time to time – because he could, too. Above all, he was very eager to tell her she was beautiful.

Marthe didn't need to be told that. But it was better than being used as a dissociative tool for someone's artistic process.

It seemed kinder, then, to maintain an air of curiosity, of interest. In order to do so, she made a bet with herself - with the money she was earning from this tour, she'd buy herself a new guitar if he slipped and called her Francis while deep in the throes. If he didn't, she'd do something sensible with the money. Put it in savings or something.

Maybe she was thinking of the guitar when, one night in Seattle, she sat up to take the foil packet from his hands and open it herself. He looked at her searchingly, dark eyes she found difficult to read scanning her expression for ulterior motives.

Marthe tossed the loose tendrils of her tied-back hair over her shoulder and tore the packet open with her teeth, aware of the weight of his stare, aware of his breath coming more heavily.

She rolled the condom on, thinking abstractedly of community sex ed workshops on the college lawn. For good measure, she gave his cock a couple of firm strokes, and he gasped, his brows raising.

Ok, that's plenty, Marthe sat back with an expression she imagined was closer to being a seductive smile than a grimace. She didn't want him to think she was going to do...that, every time.

Perhaps she was overthinking things, overestimating what he'd notice and what he'd expect. Jerott wasn't that complicated, after all - he reached for her and kissed her like there was only one thought on his mind, and Marthe let herself be brought close, kissed him back with the same sloppy urgency.

Then, impulsively, she moved closer still, lifting one leg and shifting to straddle him where he sat on the edge of the bed - he made a sound in the kiss that Marthe took to be surprise and pleasure, and she ground her hips against him, her body still wet from his tongue, from her own orgasm, slick against the rubber he wore.

Jerott moaned and Marthe gritted her teeth. She pushed him back to the mattress and lowered herself onto him, her eyes closed, her mind on the wares for sale at Eve's Garden. She had him half on the bed and half off, his lower legs dangling over the side, unable to brace himself easily against the floor - it gave her near total control of the rhythm, and she batted him back down again if he tried to sit up.

He didn't take much convincing, though he remained propped on his elbows for a time, gawping up at her. She could sense him watching, and cracked open her eyes to wince at his expression of ragged, lascivious desire - mouth loose and open, eyelids heavy, gaze blank. Marthe screwed her eyes shut again and sank herself as low as she could, upping the pace of her rolling hips.

Jerott at last admitted defeat, lay back and made a strangled sound of ecstasy, holding onto her thighs just above each knee with bruising strength in his hands.

She'd never done this with Gaultier - he didn't believe in a woman being on top, and besides, if she'd broken his hip or something, he wouldn't have hesitated to claim the medical bills on her insurance.

But there was, she found, far more pleasure to be had this way. There were no hot, grasping fingers or lips on her breasts, there was no sandpapery, rough cheek rubbing on the skin of her neck. She could keep her eyes closed and imagine herself wherever she needed to be to get off.

She began to believe that she might do so here, as well. She wielded her body with less deliberation, working herself to a sweat as she bucked her hips, her hands resting on the tops of her thighs, feeling her breasts swing heavily, the small, natural garland of fat on her belly and her flanks jogging with her movements. The bed and mattress shrieked and rattled beneath her, the sound like a crowd going wild for an encore.

Jerott let out a cry and Marthe was almost embarrassed to hear herself answer it, feeling fire crawl its way up inside her, flickering and crackling like a broken bulb at the edge of her vision.

Fearful he wouldn't last as long as she needed, she let herself lean forwards, one hand a fist, bracing herself against his chest, the other taking hold of a bunch of his black hair for good measure, fingers tangling against his sweaty scalp. She adjusted the angle of her hips accordingly and bit her lower lip, trying to keep her momentum going.

Beneath her, Jerott's body flinched.

"Fuck...!" he groaned. He gripped the wrist of the hand that was knotted in his hair but found that tugging it only tightened Marthe's hold. His other hand flailed for the bed clothes, grabbing at the sheets and relieving the pressure on Marthe's thigh so she could really move how she wanted to.

He didn't complain about her grip. On the contrary, his eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed with concentration. "Oh, god..." he said hoarsely as his head rolled on the covers.

It was never quite enough though - she didn't get further than eternally close before his body bucked beneath hers with a grunt. The way he craned his neck and turned his head against the mattress pulled her forward, jerked by the hand tangled in his hair, and her own concentration was lost as he came.

"Shit," Marthe barked breathlessly.

She tugged her hand free, noting that Jerott's hold was now on her hips, his thumbs softly caressing her skin, encouraging her own gentle rocking motion to continue as he finished, wringing every last drop of satisfaction out.

Marthe swept his hands away, rolled off him without preamble and sat beside his prone form with a sour taste rising to her tongue. Disappointment - she knew the flavour well. Stupid, to let herself get involved like that, to try and take something for herself. That wasn't what this was about.

It was about her career. Wasn't it always?

Marthe sighed and massaged her brow. Her grandmother would want to know when she was moving to Europe, when she was going to find a market she could really sell to. When she was going to make something of herself - or, failing that, make Francis Crawford make something of her. Whatever they really were to each other.

Her grandmother would have a great many questions when the tour finally came to an end in New York, but one thing Marthe's grandmother would be certain of was that the man currently lying next to her was second-best - and Marthe's grandmother would therefore judge him perfectly adequate to his task.

Jerott lay still for a moment beside her and then raised a hand and rubbed at the top of his sternum, at his throat like he had a pain there. He let out a cough and frowned at the ceiling, then sat up and slipped away to the ensuite.

Usually, when they were in the motel room, he couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her afterwards, to pin her close in his hold - where Marthe felt like a small bird gripped in a fist. He'd fall asleep and she'd lie there, smelling his tobacco, his whiskey, waiting until he was heavy and snoring and she could squirm free to lie comfortably on the other side of the bed.

Tonight though, he lingered in the bathroom, and Marthe felt chilled and exposed as she realised that, for once, she would quite like to have been held in his warm arms. It might have made her feel a little less silly about the whole relationship, just to follow through with the act a bit longer today. But he didn't seem in any hurry to come back to her. She lay naked on the rumpled bedsheets while he ran faucets and clattered about with mouthwash and water glasses.

Her head propped on one hand, the remote lying in front of her, Marthe glared at the tiny TV screen in the corner of the room and stabbed buttons on the remote with one-fingered vindictiveness. That was it, she'd decided. Penetrative sex had to be the worst joke ever told to womankind. She wouldn't bother getting her hopes up again about it.

Click.

Porcupines fucking on a nature documentary. Marthe accepted the funny side of it, and snorted.

Click.

Some lowest common denominator sitcom where the overworked woman was chewing out her lazy husband.

Click.

Teleshopping.

Click.

Pizza ad. Her stomach growled. Maybe she was being unfair. Maybe she was just hungry - she hadn't eaten since before soundcheck.

Click.

A familiar shade of rose pink caught her eye as the channels flickered, and she stopped her assault on the remote to frown at the screen.

"With revelations emerging about Rajneeshpuram daily, it's looking more and more like Graham Reid Malett's activities were standard across all the cult's sites."

It was a report into illegal activities at the main ashram in Oregon, but showed footage of the man who had styled himself Geetesh in custody and on trial for crimes committed at his own Nevada ashram. Marthe watched with a kind of fascinated disgust as the portentous voiceover barely scraped the surface of Reid Malett's wrong-doings.

"Fraud, invasion of privacy, coercion, and he presided over violent and sexual workshops in which willing participants..."

As she watched, Jerott emerged from the ensuite. He handed her one of the two water glasses he'd filled and paused by the bed, staring at the TV with an appalled expression.

"What the fuck are you watching?" he asked.

Marthe shrugged the shoulder that was uppermost and nodded at the bedside table, indicating that Jerott could leave the water there.

"You don't wanna know how Swami Graham is doing?"

He'd moved round to his side of the bed and she saw his face the way it was lit up by the screen: repulsed, furious, maybe even a bit scared?

"No."

Marthe thought she noticed his fingers tremble a little as he put his own glass down. He ran them through his hair and then his eyes fell on the remote.

"Switch it off."

She saw him reach for it and - because he wanted it, because he spoke commandingly and she'd let him have enough already, and more, that night - she snatched it away. "I'm watching!"

"Well don't! What do you even want to know that you haven't already seen with your own two eyes?" He gestured furiously, pointing two fingers at his own fierce features, and grabbed again for the remote.

"Hey!" Marthe wasn't above hollering when he laid a hand on her to stop her from protecting the device. "Don't touch me!"

Jerott had already retreated to stand by the bed again, maintaining a distance, his palms open at his sides, his expression one of vexed fury. "Please switch it off," he said carefully, but Marthe knew suppressed anger when she heard it.

She narrowed her eyes. "Why? You're not gonna...let it all out, get all cathartic on me?"

His jaw clenched visibly.

"Personally, I think it's reassuring to see him cuffed and guarded," Marthe added, eyeing up the picture on the screen.

"...swapped his disciple's robes of pink for fetching penitentiary facility orange..."

Jerott said nothing, but took three long strides to the far wall and yanked the TV plug from the socket.

Marthe rolled her eyes and swept the remote off the bed so it clattered to the floor. "Oh, Mr Rock and Roll. Gonna throw it out the window, too?"

Jerott got into bed and yanked the sheet over his body without turning to face her. "Good night, Marthe," he snarled.

She stared at his back for a moment and then made a sound of exasperation and got up to brush her own teeth.

It wasn't like she'd wanted to watch the programme anyway, it was just that any talk of the Rajneeshees wound him up so much, even now. Marthe, of all people, could well understand another's bitterness about the wasted years of their life - but Jerott's bitterness was always special. He couldn't accept that anyone else might have regrets about any number of things, oh no - nothing compared to the victimhood of the boy who had run off to join a cult instead of going to med school, who had run off to med school instead of joining a band with a man he was clearly deeply, obliviously in love with. He was evidently the first guy on earth to find out he was attracted to a man and feel conflicted about it, the first person in the history of mankind to have his illusions shattered about someone he'd trusted.

Marthe brushed her teeth and hair angrily in the dark bathroom and got back into bed with a heavy landing on the mattress, with deliberately exaggerated kicking of the sheet, plumping of the pillow, and fidgeting until she was comfortable.

"Good night, Jerott. Good gig today. Sleep well."

#the band au #wip ask meme #lymond chronicles #jerott/marthe #oh man this should probably have warnings idek - hmu if you need anything specific warning/tagging for and i'll sort it #my wips #my fics

[toopunktofuck]

i have trouble telling when i shud euthanize a cat? Like sometimes u dont gotta but ik ive read abt indigenous practices of domesticated animal euthanization of dogs so its nothing new, but if my cat gets lets say, kidney failure, i shud prly get him euthanized right? Hes 8 so this is still prly like 10 years away from now. But yeah ig if he cant eat either. But idk animals prly have different relationship to suffering than we do. Perhaps dont conceptualize it the same. they cling to life more dearly but also can take suicidal actions of risk. Animals are so daring and cool. Life is insane

So you said ignore this ask bc you were high as hell but I think it’s actually a really good question - something I didn’t know the answer to when my own geriatric cat had blood work that indicated she might have renal disease (UTIs in cats can ping the same things on diagnostics). I straight flipped out but my boss at my old petsmart job who also worked part time at a clinic explained to me that their own clinic cat had renal disease and had been living a good quality of life for years! With the right medication, cats can have their kidney disease progression largely slowed down to the extent that they die of something else years later. It’s kind of like the effect that leads them to not treat cancer in elderly human beings in some cases. It’s also not super expensive iirc, I just don’t know for sure because I haven’t had to deal w the situation. I’m the person who has to give a cat in boarding their fluids at my current job if they have renal disease and I’ve seen quite a few cats on fluids who were as old as 17 who had a good quality of life.

I am personally of the opinion that cats can have a good quality of life with renal disease or diabetes. Cats’ quality of life is in my opinion more threatened by the acute rather than the chronic situations.

It is also perfectly OK to make an appointment with your vet to go over a cat’s quality of life - in my experience we LOVE that, because there are a lot of people who really feel like they shouldn’t play god. This is absolutely a thing that is done and to me it’s actually appropriate to ask QOL questions with every new issue. I am also just extremely neurotic tho and I was already that level of neurotic before I worked in a clinic. But if you’re someone who is okay with euthanasia, don’t be afraid to ask the vet questions about quality of life.

Thank you for caring about your cat so much 💕 I’m also gonna have to look into indigenous methods of euthanizing animals because that’s genuinely extremely interesting and I’d love to chat about it with the vets at work lol that sounds morbid but I’m in the business of trying to get people to understand when love won’t save their animal and the argument that we didn’t “used to” euthanize in these situations is VERY common.

[sgcairo]

I’m amazed (and in love) with how u still hold onto dottore’s apathetic trait. Ik it’s obvious but I see a lot of people brushing it off, I personally dislike it..

Can you please speak about him and emotions more? So much light on pantalone pls don’t abandon the doctor😞 hehe. Not necessarily between babyttore and pantalone but also other things such as grief anger and love (also loneliness I’m curious)

Do u think someone before outed him about his (dottore’s) actions and how he doesn’t realize/care abt the consequences of them and how they affect others? If yes could u please explain dottore’s inner and outer reaction? Sorry im so Inlove with your characterization 😆

Honestly, I hate it when people brush off the fact that yes, he's an apathetic bastard. That's the whole point of his character, the risk of science without morals. And I like theorizing about it, because psychology is interesting and I'm a psychology nut.

I got you on the emotions bit. I kind of went over these in some of my previous answers to your asks, but it's time to deep dive, as it's my favorite thing to do other than write stupid fanfiction and read my books.

Here's the thing: Dottore is hard to characterize at times because I really can't relate to apathy, so it's a lot of speculation. He's just as crazy as they get, and I just have to let go of my own moral standpoints when thinking in his general perspective. No morals, just arson and destruction.

Dottore is a man of few emotions in general. And that's why he's so confused when Babytorre invokes some of these strange feelings within him. He's a wild card with how he feels, and honestly seems a bit scattered in terms of how his emotions present themselves. His anger is manifested in the destruction of the things he's worked so hard to create, his satisfaction is shown through lack of work on these projects, instead used as time to go bother others or take a moment to sit down and consider the outcomes.

But for things such as grief and love, he doesn't understand them. It's not that he doesn't feel them, he just can't recognize them when they happen. The first time he feels anything close to either, he thinks he's sick, as physical sensations equivalent to actual love are foreign to him. He's so detached from feeling them that he can't even tell what they are anymore, and that's where the whole "apathy" portion really strikes hard.

He just lacks the understanding and conceptualization of these feelings, which makes him detached from his victims. He does it because he believes in furthering his research, but also because he can't relate to the feelings that stem from having unpleasant experiences. He detached those feelings long ago, and now he can't exactly recover them easily, as he doesn't know them anymore.

Within childhood, there's a crucial stage of psychological development that's called "preconceptual morality". Basically, it's the idea that most of a child's actions are typically egocentric, or surrounding their own self interest. Dottore is the perfect example of a lack of development past this stage. He does only what benefits him. The definition of preconceptual morality also spreads to adults "under extreme pressure". So Dottore's own responsibilities ambitions and self imposed expectations may be a root cause of this, or simply his own lack of moral exemplifications.

He's quite literally a psychopath. I could throw all my above analysis away by just saying that his brain doesn't comprehend emotions, and his violent tendencies have stemmed from that in their own right.

But loneliness is an interesting emotion, as Dottore is unfamiliar with feeling lonely. He's always been a man that works alone, that much is clear. And by feeling lonely... It's not an emotion he's ever really felt or recognized as an actual ability.

From a psychological standpoint, we develop our ideas of emotions through our guardians/caretakers. They teach us what we're feeling and how to deal with that. Part of me wonders if Dottore just wasn't told no or that manifesting his feelings in such unproductive ways was bad. Either he has parent issues, or he just completely lacks the emotional awareness that most people have.

And yes, Pantalone in particular outed him about how he doesn't understand feelings, and that he's heartless. Basically chewed him out for being inconsiderate, especially towards Pantalone himself.

And let's just say that Dottore reacted poorly. I like to think that he doesn't yell, but he definitely has a warning tone, the "I'm dangerous and I could mutilate you if I pleased" type of tone. Pantalone is one of the few people below him that isn't terrified of it. Dottore wouldn't be visibly shaken, he's too good at keeping his physical displays of emotion in check.

But internally, I would think that Dottore wouldn't feel much of anything at all. In fact, he might even agree. But depending on the situation, it would also make the tiniest crack in his chest, for all the unpleasant feelings to leak out. He definitely knows what it's like to feel defeat and anger, along with frustration and jealousy. He lacks the counter balance for them. He would likely feel his own form of frustration, especially because Pantalone dares speak to him like that, much less after everything the Doctor has done for him. How dare he go against Dottore, they were on the same side.

Arguably, I think Pantalone's opinion is the only one Dottore would respect, every once in a blue moon. Only because he's the only Harbinger that doesn't actively pursue murder and instead plays the game of manipulation. And when two manipulative bastards are honest with each other for once... It doesn't end well.

So there's my brainrot for that. Hopefully it makes sense, I wrote this in the middle of the night with only two braincells skipping in circles to the "it's corn" meme.

Dottore is just a mess of a man, there's no explaining it. I cannot with his thought process, it just jumps around like a possessed Easter bunny.

Meanwhile Pantalone is just enough of a bastard to be coherent, there's a reason why I live their dynamic. Scattered and composed, the perfect complementary personalities.

#il dottore #il dottore character study #help this was written at midnight #pantalone #babytorre #fatui harbingers #fatui headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #psychopathy #have you seen how he dresses #please

[aroaceconfessions]

So I’m abroromantic (which I’m not sure if it’s classified as part of the aspec but sometimes I’m aro) and ace. I’m out to my mum & stepdad, and my friends, and most of my class and my brother and possibly my stepsister know I’m some part of the lgbt community they just don’t know what, and my grandma on my mums side knows I’m ace coz mum accidentally outed me (but it’s fine coz I don’t mind abt her knowing there just hadn’t been a chance to bring it up previously soooo)

the thing is, my dad is a sexist mysoginistic piece of shit who has put me, my mum, and (a lot more mildly) my brother through a lot of emotional trauma, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was homophobic aswell. But when I asked him what he thought about the LGBTQIAP+ community, he was being really cryptic. So then I was like ‘well what if theoretically I was to come out to you rn as bi’ and then he’s all like ‘well theoretically ur not old enough to know if ur bisexual yet’ like wtf is that supposed to mean I need an answer here honestly dude. He has watched a few shows/ movies that have some side gay characters in them, but it’s litterally just gay men, like no variety, and he could just be putting up with it coz he likes the show, or he could just b aphobic or any other type of LGBTQIAP+ phobic.

it’s really killing me that I don’t know because I want to be out to him because honestly if u don’t accept me for who I am bitch u can fuck of, and I don’t really care if he accepts me or not I’ll just go live at mums but the thing is I’d have to be here (at his place) to do it. Now that shouldn’t be a problem, but he’s so fucking scary. Like he’s so much bigger then me and like he could probably kill me with his bare hands if he wanted to especially because I have a disability which causes health problems. Ik that he probably wouldn’t hurt me physically and that in the few years he was with mum he never actually hit her but it was still a really bad relationship and he’s just so physically imposing and I am genuinely scared of him, especially since we already don’t have a very good relationship.

But my mums also been going through a lot recently, she just came out a major surgery a few days ago, and submitted her thesis and finished her honours degree a few days before that, and has her own mental health problems. And my stepdad also has some of his own stuff and on top of that is trying to support all of us (not necessarily financially, mum works aswell, but just like emotionally), and I think it’s really hard for him, my stepsisters mum is also tricky to deal with along with my dad and then he’s helping mum and my stepsister has some anger stuff and will just start yelling her face off at anyone for the slightest thing one moment, and then she’s all cupcakes and rainbows the next, and all my disability and stuff is quite new to him, like I’ve known him less then half of my life, so he does try to help out and stuff but sometimes he just has to step backs and leave that to mum which is hard on her and neither of them really need to deal with an extra angry dad atm so that’s another reason I don’t rlly want to come out to him rn but I do at the same time and I don’t want to ask them for help because they already have so much on their plates.

help, anyone?

#abroromantic #aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #coming out #aphobia #misogyny

[elekinetic]

heyy ella!! for the film asks thing :

what do you think is the extent to which there is background set/prop relevancy to plot lines in media in general / st?

like in st there was a prop saying henry at the back if will's neck (his spidey sense body part, if you will) which coincided w a big plot line, but in general there have been quite a few props that were relevant to main plot lines.

this was just an example of prop relevancy in st, whats your take about it in media in general?

hope you have an amazing day <333 (ps : ik your film recs ask has been in my inbox for an ungodly amount of time, i am Procrastinating and Ashamed of it, it will be answered soon I promise <333)

lmao NO rush on that rec list, it was mostly an excuse for me to think abt what i like lol

here are some excerpts from my directing class notes that i think are relevant.

basically if youre directing (or showrunning if you're in tv bc yes there are directors but its a collaborative process and showrunners are the ones steering the ship), all of the decisions you make and approve of your team making should be turning an internal story into something that can be photographed. it would be a disservice to everyone who works in props to reduce their role to "yeah just get some random shit on set." stranger things is special bc as we all know the duffers fucking love an easter egg, which is why so many relevant things show up in the background (if byler goes canon, that women in stem poster in 4x01 is gonna be a fucking masterpiece).

tldr it depends on the show & the showrunner, but generally if you're a good showrunner/director, you should be making decisions for a reason.

#god i hope this is coherent #also def not saying you think its random.. i just needed an example sentence #film stuff #thank u for sending! #comic con panel

[sexydreamgirl]

hii, a little warning that this will be a little negative. So if anyone reading this is kinda wavering rn, I’d suggest you skip.

i just really needed to let this out. I’m crying for the first time in a long time. And worse, this is after I’ve been perfecting my self concept. But it’s just...rn my mom pulled me aside and told me that I’ve been wavering and seem out of it lately (like I’m not very conscious of my surrounding) . Now that may seem like a good thing for ppl like me tht are practicing the law, y’know it’s great that I’m able to live life so detached from the 3d that even ppl in my life notice. I’ve been manifesting to wake up and be living my desired life and as of recently I’ve been so confident. But after my talk w my mom, she told me abt how it’s so important tht I don’t let myself waver bcus for me rn it’s such an important year (big exams are very near) and tht I’m not working like I used to anymore. And thts when I realized tht it’s true. Ever since I got into loa, I lost my dedication to study (and I know tht we don’t need effort or to work hard) but it was a trait of me tht I rlly liked. But when manifesting, I get so confident tht I’m like “I’m gonna be living my desired life anyway, I don’t need to do blah, blah, blah... And I’ve realized it’s been going on for a long time now and I’m stressing, I’m sooo behind everyone. And I feel rly delusional rn. On top of tht, I also just found out that my bff, the person I was just gushing abt how much I love her with, has said some stuff behind my back abt sth I messed up in the past that I don’t like to talk/think abt. This was apparently from quite a long while ago, but it suddenly hit me how she could’ve said some other crap abt me as well. Honestly I dun call anyone a BFF lightly, EVER. I’ve only ever considered her to be my one BFF and to know she’s done this just makes me feel so... idk I’m so sorry I’m all over the place rn. I feel so lost idk what to do anymore. And I feel like I’ve been so delusional and whatnot (and for all this to happen at my peak). Ik some of u reading this are probably thinking “work on ur sc” I know I know. But this is just rly hard on me rn and I feel so freaking delusional. I am so so sorry that you had to read all this. This was hella long and I’m so sorry. It’s okay if u don’t wanna answer this ask, I just wanted to let things off my chest bcus idk who to go to anymore and I feel like I’m abt to burst if I don’t let it out. I’m sorry again for this mess of an ask, if u read the whole thing, genuinely thank you thank you.

Hi sweetheart. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this :( Whenever someone’s feeling overwhelmed I always advise them to take a break for a few days and just take it easy on themselves. Don’t worry about anything pertaining to manifesting for the time being, allow yourself to be sad and let all of those emotions out. No pressure, just take it day by day. When you finally feel up for it again, get back to self concept. Know that everything you just mentioned to me has a fix. It doesn’t need to be this way and you can always turn it around. But for now, just take care of yourself, okay? Your self concept won’t be affected.

#vents #struggling

[kimtaegis]

WOMAN HIIII!!!!💖💖HOW IS MY ANGEL DOINGG??? babi i love youuuu<333 sooo i wanted to let uk that im doing find and i wanted to check in on u too!! anywasyysysysy i saw a couple of posts abt u being overwhelmed and im aware of u feeling this way, u do quite sometimes and just like the prev times, firstly i wanna say that i understand. and i feel the same way most of the time. uk when i had just become an army i spent a lot of time being an army w/o any social media and i still like the vibes of that time than my time spent on tumblr/exploring twt. anyways, i just wanna say that its okay and u should give yourself a break. pls take care of yoself. watch run btw or wtw and dont follow the updates. will 100% give u peace. like, trust me on this one.

secondly, abt u feeling,,,,,, insignificant. woman. w all due respect, shut the genuine fuck up. do u not know how impactful are u?!?!? do u not know how amazing u are?? ure literally an angel okay?? irdk what my tumblr feed wouldve looked like if it werent for u. ure amazing. ure kind. ure beautiful inside out. yes not millions know u/follow u but u still matter to a lot of ppl and thats enough. its not imp to be at the top,,, ultimately if u think abt it even bts have pretty much each other and a few friends outside of it and thas allll that matters hon. everyone has a diff journey and we should never compare ourselves w others. i struggle w it too and ik its easier said than done but when u stop comparing yourself even for just a bit, u see how bful and mess free life is.

sometimes i feel like these long paras may be annoying for u like no one asked n**ka fkn relax😬but i really wish to like,,,,, be there for u if that makes sense??? no? okay. in short, ure free to bin it if u dont want this but i hope u can feel better by reading this. and even replying or not replying, keeping it priv or wtw its all upto u. i just cant see one of the most bful souls ive ever met being sad and overwhelmed :(

chugg that water down baby, helps wonders<3 listen to some music, dance to some hoe songs (fkn mood imo) or just dance in general. let that adrenaline kick in and... wlel imma stop talking now🤣😅babe ill see u mf sooonnn!! take care<33 million kithies for u and holding yo hand like tae does yoon's :3 💖💖💖 (🐯)

hello my sweetest love! It’s so good to hear from you, I’m glad that you’re doing well 💞 I hope you don’t mind a rather short answer from me this time around; I am incredibly grateful for everything you said and it’s really comforting to know that you care about me enough to take time out of your day to write me these lovely messages, I still don’t know how I deserve that 💔 I’ve gone through a really tough episode recently, and while yes, it had also to do with some stuff that had happened on tumblr, it was mostly triggered by my actual real life fears and problems. I think I’m getting better at taking a step back from here when I feel overwhelmed by content, my own negativity and/ or fears that I have and that’s good! I also think that I won’t be sharing so much of my mental instability anymore on here lmao, and just stay offline when I’m feeling bad. So that’s why I won’t talk more in depth about what you said in this ask, I really do hope that’s okay 💘 I adore you so much for cheering me on and making me smile (and blush!!) so much with your sweet compliments, you really make my heart flutter babe! I’m repeating myself but – thank you, so so much. You always make me feel better about myself and what I do and I’m just so utterly thankful. I love you, take care!! ❤️❤️

#all the kisses in the world for you darling #🐯 anon #anon #annie’s mail

[grxceblqckthxrn]

hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

#chain of gold spoilers #chain of gold #james herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Matthew Fairchild #lucie herondale #anna lightwood #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #jesse blackthorn #tatiana blackthorn #the last hours #tlh #cassandra clare #the last hours spoilers #chog spoilers

[willowistic22]

I saw that your requests are open so I was wondering if you might have any ideas as far as jomike and/or newsbians maybe with the group playing truth or dare.

I’m sorry this took so long hehehehe. it’s also fairly longer than my other requests (and i mean it this time) so uhh... oops? I am also trying to work on those other requests ppl don’t worry i didn’t forget them! Anyways, unpopular opinion: brotp jojo and kath pls let that sink in :) mentions of alcohol btw but it’s just them drinking and having fun and that’s abt it (i’ll still put a tw in the tags just in case) 

send in some requests!! Or not i’m not the boss of you lol

It sucks sharing an apartment with two other people and being the only single one out of the bunch. At times his roommates would schedule a date night on the same night, which would leave Jo Jo all alone. It has happened more than once, believe it or not. Well, Jo Jo isn’t exactly salty. He’s fine being single. What he doesn’t like with his situation is the part where he’s left behind in their empty apartment. 

These are one of those nights. But Jo Jo pushes through the lonely feeling and searches for company. It’s a good thing his good friends, Kathrine and Davey lives just a floor below him. They usually have movie nights together and wouldn’t mind with another friend crashing in. 

Jo Jo passes a few doors before he arrives at his destination. He knocks on the door, fully expecting Davey to be answering the door. If it’s movie night, he’s sure Kathrine is wrapped up in a blanket on the couch with no desire of moving a muscle. 

The door was answered, but not with who he initially expected. The other Jacobs sibling, Sarah, who just so happens to be Kathrine’s girlfriend. The optimism nearly fell off of Jo Jo’s face but he quickly picked it up to avoid giving the wrong impression. 

“Sarah! I didn’t know you were here!” Jo Jo tried to cover up his disappointment. 

“Well, Davey’s out so Kath invited me to join her for movie night!” 

They didn’t turn away their lonely friend. Though, third wheeling a couple was not what he was looking for. It just makes him feel more lonely. But the couch is big enough for the three of the to cuddle. The feeling of the fabric against Jo Jo’s skin is a little rough but the orange comfy cushions makes up for its roughness. 

Jo Jo bounces a bit on the couch before settling under the huge pink fluffy blanket with the couple. It’s big enough for Kathrine and Sarah to be cuddling on one side of the couch and let Jo Jo be an outcast on the other. 

He tries to ignore the fact that Kathrine has her head laid on top of Sarah’s chest. The occasional small kisses Sarah gives Kathrine and the butterflies from the pit of their stomachs they express through small giggles. The apartment is dark so the visual can be easily ignored by hyper focusing on the TV screen. Though, Jo Jo can’t shake away the feeling of its presence. 

The movie that Jo Jo can’t recognize, moved on to a passionate kissing scene. As if tormenting him with his two friends beside him is already doing the kissing themselves isn’t enough. He hadn’t realize he sighed out too loud when Kathrine sat up from where she was lying down. 

“Oh, Jo Jo, I’m so sorry! We didn’t mean to left you out of the cuddling!” 

Kathrine proceeds to shift closer to Jo Jo, wrapping her hands around his torso to give him an apology bear hug. Jo Jo didn’t turn it down and hugs her back, hearing Sarah giggling behind. 

They let go and moves a little to the center of the couch. Sarah shifts closer too so they can snuggle up with them and they concentrate back on the movie. The only things is, the movies sucks and is boring the hell out of them. 

“Why’d you even pick this movie in the first place?” Jo Jo asked after the two girls expressed their boredom. 

“I don’t know, I just picked a random movie hoping it isn’t bad” Kathrine confessed. 

“Okay... so now what?” Sarah asked the others. 

So there’s the new problem that emerged from the shadows as Kathrine turn the lights on and Jo Jo stops the movie. No other activity came to mind. Not even picking another movie since the girls already spent nearly an hour watching some lame movie. 

“I know!” Sarah suddenly chirped up after a few moments of silence. Kathrine and Jo Jo looked at her hopefully, “A game of truth or dare perhaps?” 

“I’m not interested in doing any dares right now” Jo Jo replied. 

“Then... let’s make it a game of truth or truth!” Sarah continued on. She shifts a little closer to the two but kept her gaze fixed on Jo Jo with a grin painting her face, “If you could date one of us, who would you date and why?” 

So it appears Jo Jo is up first. Not exactly sure when did they decided it though. He squints his eyes at the girl and tilts his head in confusion. 

“Ignoring the fact that we’re all gay here. Of course you wouldn’t date either of us but if you had to choose, who’d it be?” 

Since there isn’t anything else for them to do, Jo Jo plays along with this game of truth or truth. Half an hour asking others questions, real spicy ones too, they were having a blast in the end. 

Kathrine opens up the beer stash she and Davey keeps, but if they’re being real: Kath is the only one that really needs that stash. Sarah shares a bottle with Kathrine and Jo Jo passes the offer. 

“Tell me, Jo Jo: why are you still single?” it was Sarah’s turn again to ask Jo Jo a question. A fitting one as well, since the reason he came here is to not be lonely while his two roommates are out on their respective dates. 

He rolls his eyes before diverting them back to where the other two girls were, still sitting in the same position they were the whole time, “I just haven’t found the right one yet!” 

“So Mike’s not the ‘right one’ for you?” Kathrine plainly asked, as if it wasn’t suppose to be a secret he was keeping with a few other people. 

His eyes Kathrine down with silent rage. Sarah’s eyes widen and her jaws dropped to the floor. She was laughing breathlessly when she heard her friend having a crush on another friend she hadn’t expected. 

Jo Jo isn’t up to argue with her so he just slouches back in the couch with a pout and a loud sigh. Sarah’s laugh and Kathrine’s cheeky grin at him is infuriating. It’s quite hard to ignore it too since they’re both up on his face. God, he wishes he has the heart to punch the light out of them. 

The bullying only lasted for a minute or so. Sarah stops laughing as soon as she noticed the visible pout on his face. But she couldn’t hold back the grin. 

“Alright, alright, stop it you two!” Jo Jo said, before slouching again with his hands crossed. 

A few seconds of silence to wait for Sarah and Kathrine to come down from their high. Once Sarah caught up with her breath, though the excitement was still verbally there, she speaks up, “So how’s that going on?” 

“What?” Jo Jo gazed at her confused for a second. Not that he didn’t understand what it meant, but rather at the fact that she doesn’t understand the situation, “You think I’m the kind of guy that can make the first move?” 

As much as Jo Jo loves his friend, Sarah is out of her mind to think Jo Jo can make any form of progress. He doesn’t know what Mike’s reaction would be if he does. Hell, he wouldn’t even know where to start!

“I mean, easiest way to do it is by talking to him” Sarah added on, “You never know till you try!” 

“I wish this was truth or dare. I would’ve given you a dare to go talk to Mike right now” Kathrine commented. It’d be a very fitting dare since Mike lives with his twin brother Ike just a few doors down. Though, she’d expect Jo Jo to chicken out and switch to a truth. 

Regardless of the unfortunate circumstances, they keep playing. Sarah, being the only one who isn’t entirely in the know of Jo Jo’s crush, kept asking questions about it in between turns and sometimes she makes it her question to him. Kathrine already knows because Jo Jo often talks about it to her. 

If you ask him, Jo Jo doesn’t even know how he’d gotten his feelings tangled with his friend in the first place. It suddenly happened and it hasn’t left his system ever since. If he could, he’d do something about it. But Mike’s far out of his league, he’s sure of that. Plus he’s probably already busy with someone else. So what’s the point in trying? 

A knock on the door brought their laughter to a sudden stop. It couldn’t be Davey, since he’d already have the keys to enter his own apartment. As Kathrine recall, her roommate didn’t left his keys at home. Even if he did, he’d call Kathrine beforehand. 

The three observes the door quietly, bodies frozen in place and simultaneously thinking of the same thing. They exchange looks to each other before focusing back to the door. 

Jo Jo stands up from the couch and tip toes to the door. His movement are careful as he gets his hand closer to the doorknob. There was more knocks, since it’s left unanswered for quite some time, followed by a familiar voice calling from the other side with a familiar voice that makes his heart drop, “Davey? Kath? It’s Mike!” 

He could not have such bad timing than to come knocking on the door right now. What can be so important that the next morning couldn’t wait?  

Jo Jo twisted his head back to face the girls who are now smiling widely, visibly trying to hold back a laugh. They gestured him to go open door but Jo Jo refuses, frantically shaking his head with a look of horror behind his eyes. 

“Hello? You guys home?” Mike called out again with a few more knocks. 

Jo Jo starts to sweat. His legs glued to the floor, unable to escape his problem. Kathrine rolls his eyes with an annoyed sigh, getting up from her seat to get to the door. Jo Jo isn’t sure what she’s going to do but it was too late to stop her before she realizes she’s opening the door for him and proceeds to hide herself behind it. 

Mike froze for a moment, surprised to see the boy’s face, “Jo Jo? Wh-what’re you doing here?”

Jo Jo couldn’t answer quickly, his brain not being able to pull him away from the sudden act Kathrine just pulled on him, “Uhh... hi” 

A slap can be heard in the background. Jo Jo can feel the disappointment from Sarah’s distant facepalm. He hears a silent sigh from behind the door, Kathrine deciding to step in and save the day with a huge smile on display. 

“Hey, Mike! You need me to return that cooking pot?” 

“Oh, yes! I need it for tomorrow” Mike answered, moving his focus to Kathrine. 

“I’ll go fetch for you but it’s gonna take some time” Jo Jo is slowly realizing what Kath’s up to and he can’t do anything about it, “In the mean time...” 

A big shove from the back made Jo Jo’s feet obey to the movement since his brain isn’t registering to what’s happening yet. Mike, being confused as to what’s happening, didn’t move an inch which resulted into Jo Jo crashing into him. The door shuts behind them and they’re left in the front hallway of the apartment. 

Jo Jo didn’t move at first other than moving his head back to get a better look at what’s happening. His head is inches away from Mike’s, chests’ pressed up together, and limbs getting tangled. Both faces show obvious confusion and a hint of embarrassment at the situation they’ve gotten themselves. 

They stammer at their words, head scrambling all over the place as they try to figure out what’s the next move. Mike takes one step back with an awkward smile, an unnatural thing for him to do since he’s always so fun and relaxed.  

“I... wasn’t expecting to see you in there tonight” Mike tried to ease away the awkward tension. 

“Yeah, I just... I was looking for some company” Jo Jo explained. 

“Being single sucks, huh?” 

“I mean... not necessarily. I’m fine but it can get a little lonely” 

Mike nods along, returning to his easygoing demeanor, “Yeah, I get it. Ike basically leaves me stranded in our apartment when Hotshot comes to pick him up” 

Jo Jo just nods silently. 

So new information of the day: Mike is single. Jo Jo’s brain starts to get excited. But he knows better to shut that thought away with the knowledge of needing to consider in more factors. 

Mike coughs, taking this chance to look away. The moment is slowly getting awkward. The two boys not knowing what to do other than rocking themselves on their own pace to ground their nerves. 

“What’s the pot for?” Jo Jo blurted out, now fully realizing the awkwardness between them is slowly getting intolerable. 

“Oh, our parents are visiting tomorrow. We’re gonna make dinner for them” Mike answered, “And it’s Ike’s chance to introduce them to Hotshot so he wants things to go as smoothly as possible” 

Admittedly, Jo Jo has never felt the nervous feeling of introducing someone special to someone as important as parents, but he’s sort of associating it with what he’s feeling right now. The context is not the same yet he somehow understands the feeling by just standing here. 

“And... you’re not inviting anyone?” Jo Jo timidly asked, “I mean, I know you said you’re single but... there just have to be someone out there... right?” 

Mike scoffs with a smile and Jo Jo swears on his life his eyes just twinkled, “No point in asking them, we don’t even talk” 

Jo Jo laughs a little and scratches the back of his head, “I guess you’d be moving things a bit too fast if you did that” 

More awkward silence envelop the two. Jo Jo is praying for Kathrine to return with the pot. Although, he knows Kathrine is taking her time on purpose. But finally, the door opens again only Kathrine wasn’t the one walking out. 

“Eavesdropping to you two are going to be the death of me so I’m going to interrupt the conversation!” Sarah said, standing in between the two boys griping the pot with both hands. 

“Even from behind the door, I could sense the sexual tension and you guys have to do something about it or I’m about to throw hands!” Sarah continued on, “Admit it! Like literally just admit it: you like each other any dumbass can tell you that! Now kiss!” 

Sarah jots the pot in between her upper arm and her side so she can grip both of their shoulders and shoves the two forward. Somehow, they were able to capture each other’s lips perfectly. The boys’ eyes widen from the sudden act. Despite Sarah’s hand are no longer gripping their shoulders, they linger in the kiss for a few seconds because of the shock their brains are experiencing. 

The finally found the realization to pull away from each other, recollecting their scattered minds and steadying their breaths. Jo Jo is refusing to believe this is reality. He did not just kiss his crush right then and there for no reason!

“Now that we’ve established that, here’s your pot Mike!” Sarah shoves the pot towards Mike. He fumbles with the pot as he hasn’t fully has his feet back on the ground, much like Jo Jo, “Alright, see you later!” 

Sarah drags Jo Jo back in the apartment and shuts the door. She turns to a still shocked looking Jo Jo with a smile, “See? Progress right?” 

Jo Jo cocks his head to face Sarah, stuttering a few of his words before finally blurting out, “Not like that!” 

Kathrine watches the two from the couch, now occupying the newly popped popcorn, “I mean, that was kinda funny but I think you just ruined his chances now” 

“Well, I’m sorry. I just got annoyed from the pining!” Sarah exclaimed. She returns to her spot next to her girlfriend on the couch, leaving Jo Jo where he’s frozen in place and still trying to process what just happened. Sarah turns back to where Jo Jo is, “And for your information: I wasn’t lying. I know for a fact that he likes you!” 

Kathrine and Jo Jo gives her a questioning look. To which, she answers, “He admitted it himself” 

Jo Jo’s jaws drop and his eyes widen once again, tilting his head in wonderment, “WHAT?!” 

#newsies #drabble requests #jomike #newsbians #jo jo newsies #mike newsies #sarah jacobs #kathrine pulitzer

[sunflowerhae]

•••UNNIE LINE!•••

The 🍑 family has been an active shithole for two months now, and in honor I feel I should give a lil list for you all to show how superior we are.

THe peach family inside jokes•

Eggsactly

(Old) do u listen to girl in red?

Sexy waffles 🧇

TMI

✨t h i s F o r m a t o f t e x t i n g✨

Divorce court: always threatened never actually happens (somewhere in a corner in a dark room of a BDSM warehouse @earth-to-that-asian is crying)

M*n🤢

Sisterhood of the traveling gc (tumblr, discord, Instagram: choose ur fighter)

And there’s like twenty more that I can’t think of rn

Anyway I love all of u, and I have updated opinions of all of u so listen closely

Also this is 1/2 bc I have too many photos to make this one post ✨🌱

Abi • @earth-to-that-asian

Abi u will always be my mother, this is no surprise. I love u literally sm😔 and I’m so happy we got closer this past month, ur like the first person I go to w hot gossip abt **a** (if u genuinely dk who that is then ask me I’ll tell u) and I trust u more than I trust my dog and usually I trust that hoe w a lot so just know ur special

Things that remind me of u •_•

• “I- o k :D”

•”I-“

•”noice 😎”

•😏this emoji

•dilfs

•outdated memes (not that u send them they just remind me of u)

•old things bc ur old

•mac n cheese 🧀

•nctnetwrite

•tag games

•Lana Del Rey

•my grandmas perfume

•toes

•✨

•awkward when the couples are interacting 1/3

•str**ght couples 😔🤢

My favorite memory of u •.•

•when we first moved to discord and u finally sent a photo (we were all sending photos) and I freaked out abt how cute u were (this was before gwace exsisted) and said I would fight Haechan for u and changed my discord bio to “I love Haechan but I would drop him faster than a druggie dropped their baby if abi became gay” and no one knew and I didn’t tell anyone 😌

Your favorite memory of me •.•(only added if they answered me back when I’m making this)

✧･ﾟ:* ♡ *:･ﾟ✧

Grace • @nct127grass

Grace ur my wife. I think that’s explanation enough to how much i Uwu u (love u) I cherish the calls we have w each other, and I miss u a lot rn 🥺🥺 ppl always ask me who I’m talking to 24/7 and it’s gotten to the point where I’m like “grace” and they’re like “oh ok tell her I said hi” I talk abt u quite a bit bc I just ,,, LOVE U hehehe even tho I’m insecure and always am like “are we abt to get divorced rn🙈” ur so chill and ur just like “no Gwen” like we’re an old Italian couple from New York 😌 ily bye

Things that remind me of you •_•

•whoresome memes

•**** **** (u know 😏😏)

•Australian-ness

•plushies

•being gay for friends

•overly sweet priv messages that would give willy wonka tummy aches

•being married

•long distance relationships LMAO

•Sanrio

•gwace

•ft

•Cinnabon

•the gym

•couple squad 1/4

•toes

My fav memory of you •.•

•this is the hardest one bc we have had quite a few moments but I for the life of me can’t remember our wedding day so I think I’ll say the first time we fted and talked abt racism in Australia and it wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be and it was pretty chill. Everytime I think of it I smile idk why (I bet u were gonna say when u **** ** *** ****** but I’m not horny on main ever so)

Your fav memory of me •.•

✧･ﾟ:* ♡ *:･ﾟ✧

Juju • @nanajaems0308

Juju sometimes I feel like u don’t like me, but then I remember that that’s just my insecurities punching me in the tits, and I’m like “no just bc you don’t talk in priv that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like u bitch” and Ik we don’t talk as much as I wish we did, but my monthly goal is to talk more to u, because I do love u and want to talk to u WAY more than we do

Things that remind me of you •_•

•Jaemin

•horny on main

•👁👄👁

•awkward when the couples are interacting 2/3

•art museums idk why

•socks 🧦

•y/n

•toes

My fav memory of you •.•

•when we all fted for the first time and I called u abi LMAOOOOOOOOO Ik it’s a weird fav memory to have but it will always make me laugh when I think of it

✧･ﾟ:* ♡ *:･ﾟ✧

There are 8 members in the 🍑 family, and I’m apart of the unnie line😌 so the next post will have the maknae line😌😔

#mine #my moots #moots #peach family #peach anniversary #peach unnie line #two month anniversary

[sirengf-moved]

oh boy 1) 2, 5, 7, 10, 15 || 2) 3, 7, 9 || 3) 6, 7, 20 || 4) 4, 9, 27 || part five is embarrassing so none of that shit 💓 || 6) 2, 4, 10 || i gave u so many because i lov u but i'm also fucked up 🍊🌿💐💓

mars i lov u , also don’t worry i’m vain and i love answering questions abt myself so this works perfectly 😌🍯☁️✨🍓🍃 HOLD ONTO UR BUTT THIS IS A LOT :

( part 1 ) 🍨

Have you ever cut your hair yourself?

a: as a kid i think i got something stuff in my hair , gum or ? i’m unsure it’s a foggy memory but i just cut my hair and my mom got soooooo mad bc we had a friend who was a hairdresser and we didn’t tell her or anything and we just cut it , tbh it was pretty liberating but at the same time i don’t remember if i did a good job or not 💀

Do you collect anything?

a: mmm, jars ...... me telling myself i’m gonna gather jars for spellwork and i never actually do it so i just have a shit ton of mason jars , emptied candle jars , small flasks with cork screw lids all sitting around my crystals and incense ect....... rip me.

Are you a fan of bread and butter?

a: yes! i eat fried bread w/ light butter for breakfast most mornings , probably unhealthy but like.......it’s very yummy..... 😔

Have you ever almost died?

a: ive almost drowned at least 3 times, this racist dude thst i almost beat the shit out of nearly ran me over on my way home with his redneck truck ( forgetting i knew where he lived ) , almost asphyxiated myself by swallowing melted chocolate at least 3 /4 times , almost got into a head on collision at a 4 way once, when i jumped from the side of my grandfathers sailboat onto the docks i wasn’t considering how big the leap was and landed fine but almost fell back and would’ve been crushed between the boat and dock , and i thought i was going to die when this homeless man glared me down intensely at the local burger king as i ate my chicken and lowkey cried bc i was also going through an emotional meltdown ( unrelated to said homeless man making vicious murder eyes at me , but that sure didn’t help lol ) i’ve also died a lot in my dreams / almost died in dreamscapes ..... long winded answer but hi mars i’m also fucked up 😌

Favorite animal?

a: GELADA MONKEYS! LOOK THEM UP PLS THEYRE AMAZING I LOVE THEM! BIG FLUFFY BOYS!

( part 2 ) 🥧

Do you believe the butterfly effect is real?

a: hm... i feel like every action mayhaps has some sort of consequence but personally i’ve been seeing that like, how can this be true when you have billionaires who use slave/sweatshops/prison labor but yet are rewarded with vast riches? how can you have all of these people of power constantly doing bad , horrible things and not getting their karma? will they get it ten fold? down the road? is their karma their internal struggles? do they not have any moral qualms? are they MAKING the karma for others? these are questions i constantly ask myself to be quite honest....

Do you believe in witches and/or magic?

a: yes , for the most part. there are some i believe because i can feel it , their energy and majesty in the way they hold themselves and how they view the world, some people just scare me with how they go through life with such certainty on everything, certainty terrifies me to be honest. i do definitely believe in magic! it’s in everything! from someone cooking you something that you regularly cook but it tastes better bc they made it? magic! it’s everywhere! and also practical magic ( spellwork / spirit work / deity & entity work / tarot & oracle ect ) it all interests me and i love talking about it , to people who also believe and practice and KNOW AND RESPECT CULTURE/ HERITAGE / CLOSED PRACTICES! c:

Do you believe in anything mythical/supernatural? (Bigfoot, Mermaids, Vampires, etc.)

a: sorta , i’ve had too many rhythmic taps / scratches on my window in the deep hours of the night to not believe. i’m not sure if i believe in vampires as in modern mainstream standpoint but i’m pretty open to just about anything existing..it’s just this world is so weird and i’d be naive to think that just bc i can’t perceive it with my own eyes, it just simply doesn’t exist... u know?

( part 3 ) 🍡

If a friend called you to help hide a body, would you help or turn them in?

a: i ain’t no snitch. also kinda depends on the friend, bc i wouldn’t turn anyone in regardless ( unless they killed someone innocent / were a budding serial killer omg ) but like do i answer calls? rarely , am i also the one everyone always goes to? yes. either way i’d prolly help you bury the body, answering the phone however? another story. ( who am i kidding i’d be so excited that a friend wants to talk or smth then get roped into this whole drama episode )

Have you ever had a crush on someone that, now as you look back, is completely embarrassing?

a: YES , STORY TIME! okay so i was like 17/18 and i liked this guy and at the time i thought i was being soooooo oblivious about it , but like a few months later a friend was like ‘ did u like so and so? ‘ and i was like ‘ was it that obvious? ‘ and they were all like ‘ painfully ‘ and to this day i still get randomly reminded by my brain how stupid , cringe worthy and weird i acted , like my brain is relentless in reminding me how fucking fat of an L that whole crush thing was........ 🙃

How would you react if you had a secret admirer?

a: depends, ive had ‘secret’ admirers who turned very obsessive in my past, so i’m naturally wary , but idk if someone thinks i’m cool i have no problem with that , but if you put me on this weird pedestal then i have a problem ... 🤲🏽 td;lr : id be as humble as possible bc then i’m reminded i’m perceived.

( part 4 ) 🍰

Favorite actress?

a: lupita n’yongo!!

Favorite type of food?

a: savory / rich/ salty food, i don’t really care for sweet foods ... or fried foods ? i don’t like large portions either tbh, i like to feel full not like dead lol. my favorite types are either seafood or seafood coupled with steak and other assorted meat and sides .

Favorite sport?

a: i liked playing volleyball, i like watching soccer and occasionally college football ( ik ik.... ) but i also love watching women’s professional gymnastics!!

( part 6 ) 🌯

Ever kissed someone who wasn’t single?

a: i don’t think so.... no! it sounds like smth i’d do on accident or smth tbh ... but not smth i’d do purposely!

Have you ever done anything illegal?

a: yes! lots of things! but i’m not gonna list them all here, nothing too serious but lol yes haha

Ever lied straight to someone’s face?

a: daily occurrence tbh, i’m really good at lying , i had to get good at it as a kid in order to avoid shit so 😌 now i can convince gross men that i’m in a relationship with a huge weightlifting bouncer and we have 3 kids and hes on isle 6 and will be back soon when i’m in walmart and some creep attempts to talk to me too much! and they’ll believe me.......

#u: ( calls me ) #me: ( excited to see u calling me ) omg mars hi- #u: so i killed someone #me: 🤠 #PHEW #TY MARS HAVE SOME RANDOM FACTUALS ABT ME #t: ask meme #t: mars tag 🧿✨🍓 #tw: death mention

[lovethediseasedkillerpuppy]

For the ask you stuff hour- which characters do you enjoy watching interact with Dean the most (for me it's Castiel at the top, but I also really enjoy him with- Benny, Charlie, Kevin, Claire, Jody, Donna, and sometimes Sam). Also, who are your top 10 favorite characters from the show and what are your favorite things about them? Also, even though I'm a Dean fan, I also like Castiel and I was wondering what your take of Cas was (since you've said you do like him).

Dean, aside from this season, actually has the best one-off interactions with characters. I won’t name them bc this’ll get novel length lol, but I had to point out how I enjoy them. It goes to show what a caring person he is that he forms bonds with these strangers so quickly & shows them empathy.

Charlie & Dean is adorable. I loved how sweet & protective he was with her. I’m also serious trash for sister Winchester. Dean’s an amazing big brother to Sam & we see his compassion with girls so I’ve always had a million head canons about how great he’d be with a little sister & I think Charlie was great for that.

Cas & Dean I loved bc when S4 rolled around & they started interacting Cas was just Dean’s. (S4 parallel being Ruby was just Sam’s) Up till S4 they’d done everything together & met the same people & even tho like I said above I like the one-off interactions Dean has & I even think he tends to form closer bonds w reoccurring characters than Sam does, Sam was still involved. Cas didn’t even like Sam at first. All the stuff he decided/changed was based on Dean’s impact on him. Dean changed an who knows how old programmed angel of Heaven just by being himself & passionate about what he believed. It was really interesting to watch them interact in S4/5 when they were figuring each other out. As for later seasons, I like watching them together bc Cas is the one Dean can be himself around. Sam, as strong as their bond may be, Dean still holds that parental responsibility card when it comes to Sam. He often holds things back bc he doesn’t feel like burdening Sam with that. With Cas he’s only a friend & as protective as Dean is for friends/loved ones, that parent/child dynamic isn’t there so Dean has more freedom. We’ve seen quite a few times where Dean will admit to Cas he’s worried abt smth more than he’s letting on to Sam. So I like that Cas is someone that Dean can unload to like that bc that boy always has the weight of the world on his shoulders & eventually it gets too damn heavy no matter who you are.

Dean & Crowley is def a great one. The last few seasons Crowley has done a lot of what I just talked abt with Cas & Dean. Again we have this old creature who isn’t supposed to have “human” emotions & Dean comes along & breaks down that barrier. And the banter between these two is always precious haha.

Dean & Benny: I liked Benny on his own too but my favorite thing abt him was his loyalty to Dean. Benny may have teamed up w Dean to get out of Purgatory but also he was lonely & all he wanted was a friend. When Dean became his friend he was loyal to the bitter end. Benny is the only character who’s ever done that for Dean. He never lied or kept secrets & he always told it like it is.(Granted he was only around for 1 season & I’m sure the writers would have made him lie to Dean eventually if he stuck around, drama & man-pain needed)

And as much as I don’t care for Sam bc of *insert all my blog rants abt him here* I do enjoy a lot of the brother moments. Dean’s love for Sam is a prime ex of what a loving person he is. He does everything for his little brother. He’s always there for him no matter what.

Hmm top 10 characters…

1. Dean (yes, the cheap obvious answer but 10 is a lot & ya didn’t say “besides Dean” so I’ma cheat a bit lol) *see entire blog for what I like about him haha.

Then 2-10 in no real order...

Cas: Ik I’m in the minority but I preferred BAMF S4/5 zero human skills Cas over him being human’d up in later years. Ik logically the character had to move on & the whole point was for him to move away from Heaven so it’s only natural he’d learn their ways but I still miss it. I thought the “take everything literally” angel was pretty damn hilarious. And despite it usually ending badly, I admire the fact that no matter how much he thinks he’s messed up Cas still tries to do what he feels is right. Whether it is or isn’t really doesn’t matter for this point, it’s just a decent quality to try to do right in this day & age. I still like Cas generally but like everything else lately, the writers are messing him up.

Crowley: He’s sassy & always in a nice suit. He always makes me laugh. I really enjoyed him when he was the bad guy & I still like him in this whole frenemy role. I have the same writer complaint for him but I can’t blame that on the character.

Chuck: I adored him in 4x18 & every ep after. I thought the nervous self-deprecating little writer was adorable haha. I was pissed he actually was God bc God sux on this show but while I didn’t agree with some of his crap in S11 (mostly what he laid on Dean) I still liked the character. God was a dick but he pretty much owned it lol. I quite enjoyed 11x20. 

Benny: He was loyal, snarky, bad ass, had a lovely accent & gave me feels. I felt bad for him. He didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere & that hurts. Dean was his only friend in the world & he couldn’t even see him. Benny deserved better.

Charlie: She was a spirited, positive, spit fire. They did the whole “dark Charlie” thing & had her sad past revealed but in general she was a peppy ray of sunshine & I liked that contrast on the show.

Meg 2.0: Bad ass & sarcastic. Nuff said.

Lucifer: I kinda cringe now saying it bc the show beat that dead horse into an annoying head ache, but S4/5 I loved the Apocalypse storyline & I liked Lucifer. He was a snarky mean asshole.

The trickster/Gabriel: Mostly bc his eps were always funny as shit. He’d come in & fuck everything up while eating candy haha. I thought he was a lot of fun.

Jo: I could relate to Jo. Big ‘ol crush on Dean, doesn’t feel like she fits in with all the ‘normal’ people at school, daddy’s girl. I’da loved more of Jo.

My take on Cas...what I said already & I’d like to add that even tho I’m not thrilled with the writers under utilizing him & making him imo ooc at times recently, I’ll always like Cas. I can’t see disliking him. Be it more nostalgia of what once was or the fact that Dean loves him so much...I won’t bail on Cas. I’m so bored w S12 that it even takes an effort to stay invested w Dean at times so I won’t write off anyone bc of S12′s crap. I’ll sit here & cross my fingers for a better last part of the season & improved S13. Hopefully, things get back on track

.

#sirikenobi167 #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #crowley #chuck #benny lafitte #jo harvelle #charlie bradbury #gabriel #lucifer #meg 2.0

[assholemurphy]

annnnndddd i’m incredibly drunk once again. this may v well be a weekly thing, tbh. so, i doubt i’ll be answering asks/messages much tonight (i’ll get to a few, but nothing that requires a lot of like, intricate detail or articulation, sorry) bc i rly need to sleep.

i spent quite a bit of the night talking to pb and holding his hands. both of them. the dumbass just let’s me be physical with him and i’m so fucking happy bc i’ve never had a friend who let my drunk (and occasionally sober) ass be affectionate with them, esp not physically. i love this man, he means the world to me, and i’d do anything for him. i’m sure you cats are like, tired of me rambling abt him, but you need to know how important he is to me and what a big part of my life he is. i don’t think i’ll ever love anyone as much as i love him, and it’s completely platonic and he gets that and doesn’t think i’m secretly in love with him and that means so much bc it means i get to show how much i care abt him w/o worrying it’ll make things weird. i’m so glad he understands me enough to know how much i can care for someone w/o being ‘in love’ with them bc no one else i’ve ever cared abt has understood that. god, this man is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i don’t think i’ll ever make a friend who gets me as well as he does. just- god, he’s my best friend and i’ll never stop trying to show him how much i love him bc honestly, he needs to know that he’s loved bc he’s a little bit fucked just like the rest of my spacekru and god, i just want him to know how much he means to me. he’s the bellamy of my spacekru (and even tho he’s never seen the 100 and doesn’t understand that reference, it doesn’t make it any less significant). i mean, ik i ship murphamy and will forever, but my personal bellamy and i (i’m obvs the murphy of the group) are nothing but platonic and you don’t know how important it is to me to have a friend that i don’t have to worry abt romantic feelings ruining our friendship. he’s never going to be in love with me and i’m never going to be in love with him and i just- it means so damn much to know that i can be sappy and cuddly and sweet with him and that he’ll never think i’m trying to fuck him or that i want more than what we already have. that literally means the world to me. 

i mean, i could be in love with him, if i rly, rly tried to be, i guess, like if i made myself consider it as a real possibility and made myself think of him that way, but i don’t and don’t plan to ever. platonic love means so much more to me than romantic love will ever. he’s helped me become a better, healthier person already and i hope to one day return the favor. i’m determined to get better, to fix myself, so that i can help him, too, bc he’s done so much for me already that i’ll never be able to repay him. he’s cared abt me more than anyone else ever has and i just- god, i love this man. i’ll never stop loving this man. and he just lets me be sappy and gross every time i get drunk and never judges me for it. he’s my danny and i’m his issabella and there will never be anything but platonic feelings between us and it is the most freeing feeling in the world knowing i can openly care abt him and he won’t think i’m in love with him. i’m rly not and he knows and respects that and it’s just- i’ve never been able to be this affectionate and caring with anyone i’ve ever been friends with, regardless of how much i’ve cared abt them (tho, i’ve never cared abt anyone half as much as i care abt him and the rest of my spacekru) and it just means. so. damn. much.

god, i’ve got the best fucking friends ever. i’ll never stop loving them. they mean the world to me and i’d do anything for/to protect them.

as for writing, idk how much i’ll get done tomorrow bc i’ve got a paper to write and maybe some play directing stuff to get done (it doesn’t absolutely have to be done until like, spring break, but i’d like to get ahead on it, so i might work on some of it tomorrow) but once i get that done, i’ll probs start writing bc i rly want to write a fuckton recently. i’ll probs start on another murphamy kinkmeme prompt fill, either teacher/student teasing or touch avoidant!murphy, but perhaps accidental voyeurism, maybe. idk which (you’re welcome to send me an ask telling me which you’d prefer to see first, tho, i’m always welcome to suggestions from all of you cats). but once i get all of those filled, bc they’re what’s taking the most part of my insp right now, i’ll probs start on iu chap 9. i rly want to update that soon. then probs the drabble prompts in my askbox, then tal chap 13. unless i do the drabble prompts in between stuff. actually, i think i’m gonna try writing a bit for one of them right now, before bed, maybe. idk, tho, i might just pass out. i did tell pb i would go to bed. but i mean, i could also write. it’s a toss up.

i’ll figure it out in the next 30 min, tho, and if i disappear it’s bc i went to bed. if not, i’m probs writing the drabble prompt for ‘i could watch you ride me all day’ bc that’s what i’ve got insp for rn. it’s gonna be bottom!bell bc i’m rly, rly feeling that right now and i don’t get much of an excuse to write that often, even tho i absolutely love it. (like, i will never turn down a prompt for bottom!bell, unless it’s rapey or something gross, but otherwise, i’m ALWAYS open to bottom!bell prompts.)

#text #iz says stuff #iz has friends #i'm drunk and this is gonna be fun #i'm gonna fuck around on tumblr for a bit #then decide if i want to go to bed or not #i'm rly not sure #but i am 100% trashed rn #like a second ago i could barely stand #it was intense #i don't think i've been this drunk in ages #but damn #pb was right #i rly did want to get fucked up tonight #and holy shit did i ever #iz writes