#illustrator u can’t take her from me anymore

[spacexcowgirl]

no longer evil 🥰 (<- guy who doesn’t have to spend hours alone while maggie uses illustrator bc we have decided to just sit silently on the phone together while she works)

#we’re not even talking and im still like 🥰 #illustrator u can’t take her from me anymore #mags tag <3

[space-girl-and-droids-art]

I truly cannot do this anymore .

Im writting this here cause I know my loved ones won’t see this here . And because this way what I write Can go unnoticed and just a bump that I’ll probably delete later in an spam account dedicated to Star Wars (one of the most fun spaces in my life ! )

I am in a career I don’t want to be in . And I pursued that instead of what I wanted to do , illustration and music , because I was promised a future that was more financially stable . I could always just use that money to invest in my craft right ?

Wrong . I just got a job that pays a lot more by the hour than my field usually is paying for these days and it ain’t enough to buy stock of my art to go to fairs and markets .

Im also neurodivergent and have paranoid personality disorder so I probably will have to take into account having and paying somebody that I know to be at the fair for me because I cannot go .

And also it wouldn’t be a safe choice either . It would be like throwing my money down the drain . Because my art is failing . Nobody is buying it anymore . And it’s not like I’m starting out , I’ve been at this for like a decade and I did good at one time . It’s just not anymore .

And I feel like I’ve been scammed out of the get go because the life I wanted was never a thing I could’ve thought of reaching . And the secure career is not giving me enough to be happy doing what I truly wanna do .

And I don’t know what to do anymore , I just need help . Any help . Learning resources , community support (I am by myself most of the time because I work from home and I can’t go see my friends at university because I got harassed heavily and I’m scared to go back, and I live two hours away by car from the nearest friend ) (I don’t have a car and I don’t know how to drive ) , craft business advice , what do I do with this . Just anything u have to offer , if somebody is reading this , is more than welcome .

Everything is just so overwhelming . And I was just so attached to my dreams that realizing something inside my brain and the choices I made in the past career wise will hold me back forever is so haunting and devastating .

Im a scientist that doesn’t get paid enough to do something other than research and sleep . I am an artist who cannot go to an art fair or sell her art online or succeed at any project. I am a musician who cannot be near or on a stage . I am worthless .

It sounds stupid and it sounds awful and boring and there are a lot of things happening in the world right now that are way more important than a third world country girl realizing the dreams I wanted were not meant to be achieved by me . But it makes me sad and I’m afraid of talking about this to my loved ones because I know they don’t get it . And I feel even more alone that I am right now .

On a slightly joke-ish note , I feel like that movie where the character played by Paul Dano wanted to fly airplanes and then he learns he cannot because he is colorblind . Only I’m not colorblind , I just can’t be in crowded places without having a panic attack and my social presence is shitty even in the online world .

(Before someone thinks I’m an antisocial and maybe I should touch grass , I have friends and a boyfriend and a caring family , it’s not my choice to not be able to see them . And it’s not like they don’t wanna be with me either it’s just life always gets in the way of me seeing them . )

(So life itself not only takes from me all the dreams I once had , but also heavily isolates myself against my will. And it feels unfair I just want to be happy but it seems like I’m asking for too much )

#rant #not Star Wars related #mental health #please help #probably will delete later

[whattheheehaw]

Hi! I’m sorry you’re getting shitty anons about this and you’re probably sick of it so I apologise for asking this but I’m genuinely curious what made you start actively disliking zutara? Like, considering how much excellent and insightful content/meta you yourself used to make/write? I get that interests change over time and you’re totally valid!! the anons sending you hate over it are really dumb, but if you’d be ok with sharing, I’d be really interested in hearing why you’ve done almost a complete 180 on the ship? Was is just burnout/end of a hyper-obsession? Or was it some of us in the rest of the fandom that turned you off? Or was it even something about the ship/characters themselves that you changed your mind about? xx

In short, it was a combination of burnout, dissatisfaction with fandom, and disappointment in myself that caused my disinterest for Zvtara.

I got asks similar to this one a couple of times before, but I never gave a comprehensive answer, mainly because I didn't know how to articulate my reasons why I don't like it anymore. But now that I've been out of ZK fandom for a month and have had some time to reflect, I think I can give a much more thorough response. Beware, this is long and I heavily critique the Zvtara fandom, so if you're a ZK shipper, keep reading at your own risk.

My first minor annoyance with Zvtara is that the fandom has a tendency to idolize certain fics and creators. And while there’s certainly nothing inherently wrong about that, I feel like the Zvtara fandom does it to such an extent that it influences the type of content that content creators make in order to get recognition. And to illustrate my point, I’m going to talk about one of the most famous Zvtara fics of all time: Once Around The Sun by eleventy7.

Don’t get me wrong, I love OATS. I think it’s a great fanfic and I think the author devoted a lot of time and effort to make it such an excellent fic. The plot, the development of the characters and their relationships to one other, and the messages about family and love were all brilliantly written. I mean, there is a reason why it’s regarded as the “Zvtara Bible”. This one fanfic had such a profound impact upon the ZK fandom, and I think the biggest impact that came from it is the dramatic influx of post-war Zvtara AU fanfiction. 

Because so many people kept reading OATS and recommending it to others, I think there was an overall interest in ZK fics that take place in a post-war setting. And I think that all of the high praise towards OATS made more fic writers start to write post-war fanfics because of this demand for post-war AU.* I normally wouldn't complain about it because more content is more content, but in my opinion, 99% of ZK post-war fics are the same fic but in different fonts.

Like, there's at least 3 of these elements in every ZK post-war fanfic:

Ambassador Katara

An assassination attempt (usually on Zuko's life)

A healing scene between Zuko and Katara (usually Katara heals Zuko)

Aang and/or Mai is pushed to the side or vilified to some extent in order to make ZK happen

A private journey between Zuko and Katara to facilitate #6

S L O W B U R N (that's not really slowburn and more like "I love you and I very much want to be vocal about my feelings but #7 is in this fic" but the love story takes up like 30 chapters so I guess it's a slowburn?)

Zuko's advisers don't want him to get married to Katara because ✨racism✨

Ursa is found

Azula is in the fic because a) she's going to get a healing arc ft. Zuko and Katara and thereby helps them get together or b) she's the villain and thereby helps them get together

ZK wedding happens in the FN

After reading multiple post-war fics back to back, I could tell that the format was pretty much the same across the board, which isn't very interesting for me to read. My only other fic options in the Zvtara tag on AO3 are canon divergence fics which almost always take place during The Crossroads of Destiny or after The Southern Raiders. And to some extent, those stories are pretty much the same too. There's nothing really new or creative going on in the ZK fandom fic-wise, and because of that, my interest in ZK fandom started to dwindle.

My second issue with Zvtara is that it's a very old ship from a very old show. Because there's been 10+ years since the end of A:TLA, every nuanced point about shipping and the show itself have been talked to death.** There's just nothing new to say. It's the same arguments being rehashed over and over again in the tag because there's no other interpretation one can come up with.

For example, there's so many people who talk about why Zvtara as depicted in The Southern Raiders is not toxic and that's great and all, but I (and most likely many others) have read those same points about five times already. And for some reason, each time this happens, people act like someone just discovered the lost city of Atlantis when they bring up their new-but-not-new argument in defense of Zvtara. Honestly, I'm ashamed to say that I'm not exempt from being part of the group of people that reiterate old arguments. I've done it with one of my posts about The Southern Raiders and I've done it again with my Zutara/Omashu parallels post.

There's no new content to really dissect and analyze (especially considering Zuko and Katara are rarely in the same panel in any of the post-war comics), and because of this, people are just restating points that someone else made several years ago.*** And even if someone did have a different interpretation of an episode, their ideas would most likely be shut down because for the past several years, the same interpretation has been recycled through the fandom repeatedly and people are resistant to new perspectives.

This brings me to the third thing that I dislike about Zvtara: the insistence that there can only be one way to interpret The Southern Raiders. For the longest time, I've read take after take that said if Katara decided to kill Yon Rha, it would be ok because that's her grief to deal with and if she thinks that's the best way to mete out justice, then good for her. And again, I'm ashamed to say that I perpetuated that idea in a few of my own posts. I have always thought that "Katara killing Yon Rha is ok" is just a bad take in general, but I didn't want to vocalize that opinion when so many people—so many of the nice mutuals that I made—all shared that same opinion. Taking down a popular opinion of your own ship is completely different from taking down a popular opinion of a ship that you dislike. The Zvtara fandom is the first fandom that I was actually active in and I wanted to fit in so badly with everyone else that I just parroted whatever other people said, even if I didn't agree with those sentiments.

This leads me to my final reason why I don't want to be a part of ZK fandom anymore. I think I established myself as a "meta" person pretty early on and because of that, I constantly felt pressured to come up with new takes on the ship. And when people started flooding my ask box with stuff like "Can you write a meta about your thoughts on the idea that 'Zuko only took Katara on that field trip in TSR because he wanted her to forgive him'?" and "What are your thoughts about antis saying Zuko and Katara are toxic because of TSR?", I realized that I don't need to come up with new takes. People just want me to paraphrase something that 10 other people said about the same exact topic, because if I said what I actually thought about the subject (i.e. there is some truth in what antis say about TSR and it's not as much of a "Zvtara episode" that most people make it out to be), I'd probably get ZK shippers in the replies telling me that I'm wrong because x, y, and z or "you shouldn't tag this as Zvtara".

And that was pretty much how my love for ZK turned into disinterest. I was and still am disappointed that I didn't stick to my personal opinions. For as much as I talk about herd mentality on Twitter, I certainly don't practice what I preach. In all honesty, the only reason why I held on so long to ZK fandom was because I had so many nice mutuals there and we all shared this collective distaste for antis. I think I started to become more anti-Zvkka and anti-Kataang than pro-Zvtara, which isn't what I wanted to do when I made this Tumblr blog.

The thing that made me joke about becoming anti-Zvtara was the fact that some ZK shippers just like to send shitty anons to people whom they've reblogged countless different metas from. Sending shitty anons to people in the first place is wrong, but sending them to people who tagged their posts correctly and did nothing wrong is just disgusting.

*I'm not a fic writer and can't speak for fic writers, but it definitely feels like a lot of ZK fic authors are pushing themselves to write the next OATS, and by doing so, they are proliferating the tag with post-war fics that have very similar aspects to OATS.

**I think that as more people point out the same nuanced points about Zvtara, it diminishes the actual significance of those points. Like, it's hard to explain but the more people talk about the subtleties of the ship, the more those parts become glaringly obvious and I become numb to their actual impact on the characters and the show.

***At this point, if someone wanted to make a new argument about Zvtara, I think they would have to look very closely at every little detail in every single one of their scenes together to find a crumb of new meta material. And speaking from experience, it's not very fun trying to make a mountain out of a molehill. Whenever I post a "meta" like that, I feel like I'm reaching to make a point that doesn't exist.

#anti zutara #anonymous #ask and ye shall receive

[animepreferences]

P R E F E R E N C E # 8 - I H A T E Y O U

*Authors Note: I got sent home from work with a fever and I’m feeling a bit ill, but I wanted to write this for you guys. Hopefully my emotions don’t reflect too much on this preference and it isn’t too dark. Sometimes I overdue it a bit when I’m feeling low.

C H U U Y A

“I hate you.”

He had went too far. He knew it almost immediately, as he watched your face change instantly, the anger absolving into hurt. He would watch as your parted lips would mash into a grimace, your eyes instantly filling with hurt. He knew his words were mean, he even knew that he was taking his anger out on you. He didn’t know, however, that you were taking it so personally. And the second the tears would gush down your cheeks miserably, his heart would shatter into a million and one pieces because he would know.

“Y/N-Y/N...” He would stutter, his breath hitching in the back of his throat as he stared at you completely bewildered. He wanted to hold you in his arms, tell you how sorry he was, but he didn’t know how deep the hurt went, and he didn’t want you to push him away. Sure, he would be deserving of that. Sure, it would totally be in order, but it would hurt him. It would hurt him tremendously.

“I’m so sorry.” Deciding against himself, he would enclose you in a bone crushing hug. At first your arms would tighten at your sides, your frame unwilling to budge. You didn’t want to hug him back, you didn’t want to give in to his malicious damage control, but in your heart you knew. You knew Chuuya; the good, the bad, the ugly. You knew his heart, his intentions. You knew he would never purposefully try to hurt you. You knew he would never mean to make your tears fall. He was simply angry. And you knew better than anyone that he didn’t know how to control his anger. You were helping him every day, but he still had so far to go. He needed you. Slowly raising your arms, you would reciprocate the hug, your cheek pressing against his chest. “I can’t take the words back now. I know you may never fully forgive me, but my heart beats for you and for you only. You can’t even begin to know the disgust I feel with myself for making you cry.” He would whisper into your hair, stroking it gently as his own tears soaked into your scalp. “Please forgive me. I can’t lose you, I’m—I’m begging.” He would plead, his chest heaving as his own tears began to fall down his cheeks rapidly. You could hear the desperation in his voice as he cried, the remorse illustrated clear as day. There’s no way this man hated you. Not for one second would you believe that, not when the strongest person you know was currently deconstructing before your eyes in fear of losing you. Chuuya loved you. He loved you so much. This you knew. “I know you love me, Chuuya. I love you too.” You would whisper as his arms would wound tighter around you, his grasp reassuring you that he would never let go of you. Not now, not ever.

-

D A Z A I

“I hate you.”

Tears would roll down your cheeks, as you would drop to your knees face buried in your hands. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” You would scream until your lungs burned, your body becoming weak. “I hate you for putting yourself in danger, I hate for you never knowing when to say no, I hate you for not knowing your limits, and I hate you for-for leaving me!” Your screams would be shrill and desperate, Kunikida’s arms wrapping around your chest as he pulled you back away from Dazai’s nearly lifeless body. “L-Let go of me!” You would sob, struggling uselessly against the strong grasp. You hated how foreign his arms felt, you hated how the person comforting you should be the one who was close to death, not his partner. “Akikko Yosano will be here soon, calm down Y/N. He’s going to be okay.” Kunikida desperately tried to calm you as you let out uncontrollable wails, your screaming now happening against your own will. Really, you had forgotten you were screaming until you felt the urge to black out yourself. Furthermore, everything had became exceedingly blurry. You had always said the day you lost Dazai would be the day your own world would come to a screeching halt. Originally you had thought that it was just the romance speaking; that surely there would be a way to go on without him when that time came, but you were realizing the hard way that that would be impossible. You were realizing that without Dazai, there would be no reason to go on. No reason to live because in your body and soul you knew he was the reason. You knew that he was your purpose. Your only purpose. “You can’t die, Osamu Dazai, if you do I will-I will never forgive you. If you die before me right now, I will die HATING you!” You screamed, finally collapsing into Kunikida’s embrace your head dizzy and light. His arms clutched you tight as you sobbed, pulling the material of his shirt into your fists in frustration. “Damn it, damn it, damn it all.” You would whisper, the tears causing your frail body to tremble violently. “Kunikida-San. You can at least wait till my body is cold before you steal my love.” Dazai would choke out, blood trickling down his chin as he let out a strained cough. “Dazai, you idiot save your energy.” Kunikida would scold, loosening his grip so you could crawl to Dazai instinctively. “Don’t you dare die.” You would whisper, placing his head in your lap as you leaned down to kiss his nose, his blood transferring to your own face. “How can I knowing that you would hate me if I did?” He would inquire, his voice weak, his eyes blinking slowly. “That-That’s right. I would hate you so much.” You cried, tears dripping onto his face as he let out a frail laugh. “We can’t have that.” Feeling a hand on your shoulder, you would look up to see Yasano with genuine smile, her eyes hopeful and confident. “I can take it from here, Y/N-ah. This lunatic isn’t going to die that easy.”

-

A K U T A G A W A

“I hate you.”

You would explode, turning on your heel in a complete fit of rage. “Is that what you wanted to hear Akutagawa? Are you happy now? I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!” Picking up the vase beside you, you would throw it to the ground with infuriation, ignoring how it scattered around you in a multitude of minuscule pieces. “It’s like you can’t even understand me unless I am speaking your language, so do you hear me now? Do I have your attention for once in my life? I HATE YOU!” The tears would roll down your face miserably. You had never once in your life lost your cool on him before. You had always been very patient with his unwillingness to accept the fact that he truly was a good guy in your eyes, that you loved him fervently. But you had grown exhausted by his constant stubbornness. You had had grown tired of having to tell him everyday that his heart was in the right place and he deserved to live. Most importantly, you had grown tired of his constant desire to get you to leave him; even if it was for your own sake. Why couldn’t he get over the fact that you loved him? That you weren’t going anywhere? Sometimes it felt like he didn’t want you anymore, that maybe just maybe he didn’t want you in the same way you wanted him. You just wished he would tell you that. “Y/N-“ Aku would say, his mouth parted in horror. “Don’t-Don’t look at me like that. It’s what you want, right? You want me to hate you, you want me to leave! Maybe I will!” The scream was gut wrenching, taking every last bit of energy out of you as you dropped to your knees ignoring the glass that crunched beneath your knees. The pain was unbearable, blood oozing out of you at a rapid pace, but not as unbearable as the thought of leaving Akutagawa was. To be completely fair, nothing was as unbearable as that. The room would fall into a pit of silence as your sobs would rake through your body, your sniffles as loud as a gun shot. Then Akutagawa would speak and say the words you had always yearned to hear. “I love you. Even if you do hate me. I love you for now and for always.” It was the words you had first uttered when Akutagawa had told you that he hated you. You couldn’t believe he remembered those words down to punctuation, you couldn’t believe that he was reciting them to you now. Truly he wouldn’t have remembered if he didn’t love you. “I wouldn’t want hurt anybody else either, you’re stuck with me for life unfortunately.” Quoting you again, he would lift you up by the armpits, supporting your limp body as you continued to cry against him. “I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you. I don’t for a second ever want you to leave me. I love you more than anything, more than life itself. You know how many things I’ve loved before you? I’ll give you a hint: nothing. But you...You’ve changed my life forever, Y/N. You’ve shown me humility, compassion, love...To me you are irreplaceable. To me, you are the reason why the world turns. To me, you are my reason for everything. Don’t ever leave me, I beg of you.” Usually a red blush would creep to his cheeks, but this time his face stayed grave and sincere. For once, you felt his honesty like a ton of bricks. Akutagawa loved you. He really, really loved you.

#bungou stray dogs preferences #bungou stray dogs akutagawa #bungo stray dogs fanfic #bungou stray dogs fanfiction #bungou stray dogs blurb #bungou stray dogs blurbs #bungou stray dogs imagine #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs smut #bungou stray dogs chuuya #bongou stray dogs dazai #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #akutagawa x reader #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #akutagawa bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #bungo stray dogs #anime #manga

[alphasmoonlit-selfships]

🏢, 💞, 🛌, 🐶 for your main f/o, Atsushi! Have fun! ^^

"Hello new anon! Thanks for dropping by and leaving a few emoji asks!" Atsushi grins a charming smile, "Just so you know, we greatly appreciate them and I really enjoy answering for My Darling, who is honestly surprised and bashfully grateful for me taking the lead for now." He chuckled with a glance to Dany. The petite brunette sketching something away on her tablet.

"Well lets jump right in!" 🐯🌙

🏢 Do you two live together?

We do! We actually bought a small two bed, two bath condominium sometime two years ago. 😄 We kind of made the decision after about two years of dating. And had to deal with the process of looking for a place, affording it and settling with one out of many possibilities; plus the paper work of essentially buying a place together, which itself took another year... I think during that time we kind of moved in together in the Agency dorms. Dany had her own dorm when she joined the Agency and I had still been rooming with Kyouka-chan since she joined. No surprise to still living in a closet at the age of 23 and with a late growth spurt I had a year or two back 😅.

Kyouka-chan more or less pushed me into doing so, if it meant I didn’t have to live in a closet anymore (which she found silly of me to have been doing for as long as I did). And so she didn’t have to occasionally walk into Dany and I’s… more affectionate moments… 😶 Which were rare occasions I swear, the dorms weren’t the most private places with it’s fairly thin w—! Ó//////Ò… Ah forget about that… >>

Ah, nonetheless, yeah, we bought a place together and it definitely took time to slowly get it to a more homey-like setting that we wanted to get to ☺️ we’ve had at least one get-together party with the Agency for one of our birthdays.

We’ve had a few ups and downs with living together of course, but it’s very rare encounters. And it’s usually over silly, trivial things everyone deals with…let’s just say Dany has the tendency to horde and clutter things on her desk and hates to move things around in our room… she always claims it’s clean and organized and will get mad if I so much move something of hers out of its place… 👀 well more anxious and tunnel minded when she can't find it, which I feel bad for doing ;;;;

I mean I have my faults too 😳 but I’m sure she’ll take the chance to tell you about it another time if a question like this comes around for her about me 😅

💞 How cuddly is S/I? What cuddling position you two like the most?

Dany is very, very cuddly 🥰😳 she is very in tune with her wolf a lot of the time, considering she’s had her ability far longer than I have. Her mannerisms and general personality is very cat-like, probably even more so due to my ability’s influence… but yeah, she’s a very cuddly person, mostly in private. Though, since we started dating she is a bit more affectionate in public ^/////^, which was different to see her do as someone not so into PDA, other than hand holding and a few kisses if no one is around us. She is shy, I think her confident moments are encouraged by her wolf. I can say similar things with my tiger 🐯🌙

Honestly any instance of either of us just having the chance of holding and nuzzling each other is the best time 💖 I think our most favorite cuddling position is when we’re resting on each other and running our hands through either’s hair. I love embracing her and resting my head on her chest while she caress my hair u//w//u it’s very comforting and soothing and I just feel sleepy when she does. She sings very softly too and it’s honestly so lulling to hear 🥰🥺🌙

With Dany, she is very small.. a petite little lass as she likes to refer to herself. She’s 24 and still 4’9, granted don’t let looks deceive you, she can protect herself just fine on her own! But she’s just so cute when I hold her 🥺 she is literally a koala when she settles on me to cuddle, usually resting on my stomach as she nuzzles my chest or neck and purring from her ability. I hold her so close and just murmur soft things to her, all while braiding and running my hands through her hair, soft and longer now UwU. She really loves and enjoys it.

We alternate these positions a lot, especially depending on either of our more draining days. We also love spooning, I admit I love how she just curls behind me, or how she practically holds me close and lulls me with her musings 🥰

🛌 Do you share a room/bed?

We do~ 💖 =UwU=

Honestly, the comfort of having someone next to you when you sleep or relax is…the best thing to experience 💖 and with Dany it’s just even more amazing 🥰 as I mentioned in the previous, she is a cuddlier and I am not opposed to it in the slightest, if anything it’s a comfort for me as it is for her 💖 especially in our rough days emotionally and mentally. Our bed is a comfort and loving zone, I think this meme Dany sent me once before best illustrates us and our abilities in general 🥰

It is lonely when either of us go on away mission ;;;w;;; it’s honestly not the same at all. For me at least it’s far too quiet and cold, even with the warmth my ability provides. It’s like missing that other half of me 😔 even though Dany is pretty quiet and light in her steps, there is a part of her as a person that makes some noise, be it in her actions or her little ticks.

My ability is far to attached to Dany’s too so I go into a strange phase of wondering the house… and talking to myself a bit too much as if she was around… I’m sure I’ve seen videos of cats doing something similar when things are just too still and quiet 😅. I refuse to let Dany go once she comes back, to which’s she doesn’t mind, cause a lot of the time she returns exhausted and missing me too 🥺💕 it’s pretty a similar experience with her too.

🐶 Do you two have a pet? Do you want one?

Eh 😅 no we don’t, yet surprisingly it feels like we do most of the time due to our animal abilities. There are instances where either of us just turn into our abilities for lazying about and end up with our bed or sofa covered in fur >.> no surprise at all that tigers and wolves have very thick fur, and shed a good amount in the summer…

So probably not anytime soon,,, we do however have several stray cats around the outside of our condo. Dany and I have a big soft spot for them, so we leave them food every so often! If we do get a pet companion in the future it will likely be a cat 🐱 we already have enough of our animal gifts so we’ll see how we deal with a third in the mix later on 😅…wait… I think that came out wrong... O////O

Er... I think that was all the questions for now! Thanks again for the asks! We sincerely appreciate it and look forward to taking over for a bit longer for Dany <3 — Atsushi 🐯🌙

#atsushi nakajima #atsudany #Danielle mika Mason 💞✨ #f/o takeover asks #self ship community #self shipping ask #bungou stray dogs #tag: we are of the moon and stars my dear #tiger roars #mi Estrella 💖✨ #my darling 💖💖🐺🐺✨✨

[cintanna-stuff]

A-Z for ❄️🐉

HCs for our favorite icy dragon boy Lance. Here we go, this might get long 🤣 

For the sake of romanticism, let’s assume he’s with a girl he actually loves and not with a one night stand.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

I think he wouldn’t ask many questions, he can easily figure out what his partner needs and take care of them. Are the windows open and she’s sweaty? cover her with the sheets and cuddle. Does she look thirsty? get up and serve her a cup of wine or water.

B = Body Part (His favourite body part of their partners)

He’d love all of her body, but I think his favorite part would be her face; her eyes, her lips and her expression. I think he already has a fixation with Erika’s face in the game, look at chapter 8 illustration, “you’re cute when you’re angry”, “shut your cute little mouth”. I think he looks at her face a lot.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum)

Lance is easily overtaken by emotions, so when he’s making sweet love to his partner, he doesn’t even think about not finishing inside her, it’s kind of primal instinct, he just holds her tightly and cums deep inside. 

However when they’re having sex, I think he’d love to finish on her face or in her mouth. Seeing her “pure” and beautiful face all messed up and dirty after what he has just done to her makes him go insane.

D = Dirty Secret

mmm, he has had dirty thoughts about Erika even before he realized he had deep feelings for her, maybe while he was Ashkore.

E = Experience (How experienced are they?)

Well if we look at his brother, I’d say he has lots of experience. We can’t know for sure if he has been with many girls but we know a ton of women went crazy for him. So my hc is that he’s had one night stands, nothing too serious but yes he’s had his fun before he became chief of Obsidian guard and started to discover the truth. He’s also intelligent and shows interest in what he does, so yeah I think he knows what he’s doing in bed, at least when he’s not overly emotional.

F = Favourite Position

Depends on his mood. Sometimes he just wants to look at her face while she orgasms and keep their bodies close the whole time and sometimes he wants to put her on her knees with her head buried in the mattress.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in bed? Or are the humorous?)

More than goofy he can say passional or dirty/teasing/mocking things. Let’s say he has his own kind of humor, that one we all his stans love.

H = Hair (Are they groomed down there? Does the carpet match the drapes?)

I wrote something about this a few days ago. Yes he’s very clean, he’s well trimmed down there and the carpet matches the drapes.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, are they romantic?)

If he’s making love yes, he can get romantic. But he’s more passional than sweet, he goes slow and soft on few occasions. He’d get close to her, maybe grab her hands or her wrists while he goes deep into her. When he’s drowning in passion and love, he might start to bite and leave marks as well as ask her to look at him or say his name. His dragon side wants to eat her 😈

J = Jack Off

Not as often as you might think since he has a pretty high sex drive. He gets one off from time to time in the shower when he’s stressed and just can’t stand it anymore. It’s more out of necessity than pleasure. Too focused on his mission and too filled with hatred to feel any actual pleasure.

K = Kink

Is fighting a kink? When it comes to sex he likes when she’s feisty or angry. Loves to give her some control only too overpower her and make her submit while she’s enjoying every second of it. Might tie her or pull her hair.

Also, might play a little with her back door…

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere really, as long as he doesn’t feel threatened. Wouldn’t want to do it somewhere where they could get surprised by enemies or where she could get hurt. 

M = Motivation (What turns him on? What gets him going?)

Erika playing innocent (or not playing it) or being angry. Kissing, specially kissing his neck.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do.)

Dragon sandwich (srry girls). I don’t think he’d share with anyone, maybe he’d share a one night stand, but not a girl he’s actually in love with.

Right now Lance is going crazy and he’s pretty aggressive but in the scenario that he gets past this and he actually gets to love and be loved back, I think he’d never try anything that could seriously harm his lover.

O = Oral (Do they like to give or receive? Are they skilled?)

He loves making her scream with his mouth and he’s skilled at it, but he goes insane at the sight of her kneeling to worship him.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)

Depends on the mood, but like I said before he’s more of the passionate kind. He’s just not good at restraining himself.

Q = Quickie

Mostly when they’re on a mission and don’t have much time, specially if they’re with more people. He’d have quick sex as a stress reliever and due to the need of closeness and warmth after or while being in a dangerous situation, also to take care of his (and her) needs.

R = Risk (Do they take risks? Are the willing to experiment?)

He can take risks in the sense of being caught by someone they know, he wouldn’t do it if he thinks they could be in actual danger. 

Otherwise he’s pretty open and would be willing to try new things (mostly).

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Dragon stamina 😏 

T = Toy (Do they own toys?)

Are there any toys in Eldarya? I doubt it, but if he had to try he’d use them to torture Erika.

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

Sometimes a lot, but he has to try very hard in order to not loose his cool and ravage her on the spot.

V = Volume

Doesn’t moan a lot during the act but he grunts loudly. He lets out a shaky moan/breath when he cums deep inside if her. 

Things he might say making love or having sex: “You’re mine” “I love you” “Look at me, say my name” “I’ll be yours forever” “Come for me sweetheart” “open that cute little mouth” 

W = Wild Card

Would you be willing to do it with him while he’s… partially transformed? some scales, his tail and claws,… He wouldn’t mind it but wouldn’t be particularly into it either. For him both his dragon and human form are equally natural, but ofc he cannot make love to you intro his full dragon form (I’m not THAT depraved, that wouldn’t even work if he’s too big xd, but hey I won’t judge), but partially transformed (like his mom) would be different.

X = X-ray (What’s going on down there?)

I don’t think he’s the biggest guy (that’s Valkyon) but he’s definitely not small. I’d say above average, since he’s still a big boy after all and a dragon 🤷‍♀️ 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

High. In my mind, I believe (eldarya)dragons are pretty sexual creatures. He can distract himself and ignore his itch for a time, specially when he’s very focused on something, but he needs to relieve himself at some point.

Z = Zzz (How quickly did they fall asleep?)

Actually not very quickly, even less during the night. He’s a night owl and would enjoy some small conversation after sex. Actually if you want to tell him something, this could be the right time to do it: he’s happy, relaxed, relieved and cuddling with you. However, he falls asleep quickly if caress, pet him or let him rest on your chest.

#eldarya #lance #ashkore #doone #this was long xd

[yume-fanfare]

hi i am that anon from like 29th Dec (last dang year) who said i read ur tsuki no hime and loved it and that u understand Aizou. i have read more of ur stuff since then and now i NEED to ask you for writing advice, on both characterization and general writing tips since I didnt mention it before. Sorry about that! i just forgot i sent an ask and i do not get notifs at all (or does anon asks not get notifs?) Also, ART STUDENT! That's why the nice art and art leaning!! I feel smart for sensing it

oh yup, tumblr doesn't send notifs for anon asks! but i'm glad you did see the answer anyway

this post is hideously long, so answer under the cut!

so, on characterization: it is mostly a matter of what would they say, rather than what you want them to say. the joke about "the characters do what they want to" instead of what the writer wants is pretty much true if you want them to be in character lol (that's why sometimes a little bit of OoC isn't too bad)

checking the source material is the most important thing: look at prior similar interactions the characters have had and how they reacted

this is kind of hard with LIPxLIP, as there aren't that many translated texts about them but with honeyworks the most canon and reliable thing to use as reference are the mvs. the mvs are drawn in a way that can pretty much be understood even if you don't have the lyrics, and sometimes it's even better if you can't read them, to properly focus on the images better

look at their expressions closely: while aizou is always explosive in his anger, yuujirou often has a more indifferent expression. so, when they fight, aizou is probably the one to blow up first while yuujirou maintains his composure better. it's kind of the classic "this was only a brief passing panel but i am going to expand on it" www

but the thing about fanfiction is that it's always a bit of a character analysis in itself. you don't start writing having already a color-coded folder of possible situations and reactions a character would have for each setting. you just throw the characters in a scenario and then think from there onwards, and eventually you'll be able to have the folder of situations and what you think their reactions would be like. (though, this links back to the prior point, if the characters have gone through a similar situation in canon, use that as guide! plus, finding little references to canon when reading is always fun)

for general writing, i'm going to mostly talk about my own experiences and process! i'm in no way a professional though

the basic is reading a lot. not just books but also fanfic. in fact, since you're writing fanfic, i Encourage you to read fanfic. even if your story ends up novel length, the way of treating the story is different from that of an actual novel. for example, because you're working under the premise that everyone knows the characters already. the general style of fics is different as well.

in fact, the style is the main reason i'm saying this slfkslfkslkf

read a lot of stuff and find a style you like. think of it as sewing together pieces from here and there to make a frankenstein amalgamation: this person's metaphors, the comparisons from here, the descriptions from there

personally, i adore the "long one-shot with a long title formatted (like this)" fics that are mostly feelings and descriptions and as little dialogue as possible, and some that occasionally play with the "show don't tell" rule, and some months ago i read a book whose descriptions amazed me because you could feel what the character was focusing on the most, rather than being general descriptions of the situation (i actually have a lot of thoughts about descriptions but that's a post for another day). but also i really like dialogue and plot-driven stories, descriptions can get boring and before trying to break rules, you have to be really good at following them

but, let's go step by step: developing an idea

for this i'm going to mostly reference the multichap i finished a while ago as an example

i started with just a few vague concepts in mind: non-idol au with aizou who does some sport and likes music but is insecure about his singing and yuujirou who does some music related thing and encourages him to sing in a way that's somehow related to the hozier song to noisemaking (sing), because it's what inspired me to write in the first place

then, from then onwards i wrote down what would happen in the first chapter of the story bullet-point-list-style, including things like the roommates part or the clubs the boys were in (at first yuujirou was in the choir club lol the change was a last second decision that idk why i took) and then bits of dialogue here and there that would be The Turning Points. those first dialogues were for the fight at the end of ch 1, the apology-date in ch 3 and then some vaguely unused ones for the "yuujirou encourages aizou" part, as those were the first key moments i thought of

because, since it's enemies to friends to lovers, an important aspect was character development

not all fics have character development bc not all of them are long enough (if you're aiming for short and sweet then there's no need). but if they do, i recommend you write down how the character was at the beginning of the story and then how they were at the end and then fill in the middle later, think of what those key turning points that made the character change were (the more little things you add, the more gradual it'll be)

samishigariya illustrates this very nicely: the song starts and finishes with the same lines, but the ending ones feel more light-hearted. the beginning has pre-arisa ken and pre-getting-along-with-yuujirou aizou, when they were the lonely people the title mentioned, and the ending, when they're not lonely anymore. the in between can be seen in depth during the other songs: ken before arisa was a playboy who didn't take love seriously, but after meeting her he realized that games were not all there was to love; and aizou used to be quite cranky and high-key a loner, but then he "meets precious things and knows of love". i will not elaborate on that because this isn't an aiyuu post but Oh You Know

for the fic, aizou would go through that same process, more or less: someone who doesn't really form meaningful connections with people but who, in the end, would end up having quite a bunch of people who care about him as his relationship with yuujirou advances too

since the relationship was the main focus, i wrote a very simple outline for how it would develop throughout 5 hypothetical chapters that was just: 1. civil w each other but mostly bad > 2. bad > 3. half friends > 4. pining > 5. date

and then with that in mind and the bullet point list, the final basic outline ended up like this:

there were scraped ideas and ideas that made it in later, but i believe having a simple outline, a bare skeleton to add things to, is important. stories need continuity, development requires a prior buildup

it's especially important in multichapter fics where you post as you write, you need to have a more or less clear idea of what's going to happen because you can't ignore scenes you've already posted

shorter stories don't need it as much, you can think as you go, but it's still helpful to know where you're going with things to avoid getting stuck

and, on getting stuck: don't be afraid of deleting things. if you can't figure out how to continue things, then delete the situation and start again. it might feel like you'd be wasting time but in the end, it is so much better than being stuck on the same scene for weeks

in fact, you don't have to write in order. jump to the next scene and you'll figure it out later. you Can write the scene you want to write and then build everything else around it

it's normal to write a scene and then realize it would make more sense later in the story, or that it would be better if you added another scene earlier, or sometimes you just find it easier to jump from one part of the story to another. rely on your outline to keep track of what you've written, what you have left to write and what's the best way to arrange your story. make your story understandable

which bring us to editing

there's a lot of much better posts on editing stories, but yeah ctrl+f is your best friend: don't repeat yourself too much. and be sure to vary sentence and paragraph length, as well as sentence structure, to give dynamism to the writing

now, i've mentioned before the show, don't tell rule, but i'm going to talk a bit more about it because it's quite important

once again there's a lot of posts that explain more in depth what it is, so i'm not going to expand too much on that, but, very basically, try to avoid things like "then some time passed and they became friends". explain it: what happened exactly? how did they become friends? if it's important, show it to us, instead of summarizing

since things like these make the story longer, it also gives room for more development and proper explanation for things that happen

for example, the fic was originally going to start with them already in the room, and the whole situation would have been explained in a single paragraph somewhere, but by actually adding the scene where they first arrive to the dorms and argue with the lady at the main desk, the story flows better and it let me actually describe their first meeting

and uuuhhh i think that's all? this took super long to write i hope i didn't forget any super basic stuff lol

i want to add that for enemies to lovers i greatly recommend this post bc it's super good but yeah i think that's basically it, if you have any more specific questions just shoot me an ask

#god this is so long #how should i tag this #tutorials #i guess #anonymous #preguntas

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG179! TTwwwwwTT

- That was such a short statement! As far as Desolation goes, this one really reminded me of MAG107 for the fear of losing what and who’s precious to you (“What part of his life would he have to burn then? What thing he loved would he have to hurl into the flames? The apprehension is as familiar to him as the scent of burning hair. He knows what it means to wait, and see what he has lost.”), having to contribute to that loss, and the loss being always followed by another loss. I really like how it managed to develop its own implacable rhythm through the cycles of repetition becoming shorter and shorter: the succession of losses, the litany of “I got you”, “he had Colin’s back”/“Derek has his back”, “The first time”/“The second time”/“The third time”… stopping with Daisy’s irruption. It really felt like she was breaking an implacable series of routines – though by inflicting worse. I like how Derek and Colin’s relationship managed to indeed feel so deep, intricate and complicated in such a few lines – with the fact that Colin had helped Derek on so many occasions, including to ensure the disappearance of his father’s body (killed in self-defence while he was being abusive?), and… that gratefulness slowly becoming a burden dragging Derek down (taking Colin’s defence, taking the blame for him, losing more and more, sinking and being pushed even deeper by the “bored cop” – Daisy? – who just made things worse because they could). Their relationship being an anchor in both senses: the help to get out of a situation, and the thing pulling you down. It was already evoking Daisy and Basira’s partnership, already reminding us of Daisy’s crimes, and already indirectly coming for Basira’s throat.

It’s interesting that in this domain, Derek never seemed to have the certainty of the identity of the corpses or items he was incinerating? He worried about Tilly when seeing the toys, but it was not stated whether they were hers, and, in the same way, the corpse was never said to be Colin’s (“Derek doesn’t know the man who lies in the cart, lifeless eyes staring at him from a head split in two by a careless shovel-blow”) although it triggered the memories. Given how concrete Derek’s (life)story sounded before getting trapped in this domain (… which seems to be: the furnace of the junkyard where Colin worked, where the body of Derek’s father disappeared), down to his brush with the police, I wonder if these memories were fabricated by the Domain, or if some bits were genuine bits from his past life? We’ve seen some doubt flickering about whether or not Mehreen really had a family in the Vast domain (MAG174), it could be another case of the Fears creating memories to squeeze the most of their victims… but with Derek, we do have the certainty that he had encountered Daisy before the Change and that she had felt that he had “got away”, since she was hunting him…

(I also got hit by the realisation that… this might be the last Desolation statement/story we ever get in the series; 14-15 Fears means that statistically, each would get 2 to 3 statements per season. We might still get another Something related to the Desolation before the end of the show, about Agnes and/or Hill Top Road and/or the Web lighter and/or the fact that Web seems weak to Desolation and/or about the recurring motif of burning down the Archives… but this could have been the last one. It’s even likelier that we won’t get any more Flesh statement/domain after MAG178’s, and I had not realised when that one aired. It’s weird to think “this might be the last time we hear about x”, since the end of the series is approaching?)

- I’m still wondering about the “death” status:

(MAG177) BASIRA: She’s been killing. MARTIN: What? No – no, that can’t be right. I–I thought people weren’t even allowed to die any more. ARCHIVIST: Not permanently, but, uh… Ah.

(MAG179) ARCHIVIST: “… Another victim. Another hunt. The pain and terror courses through him. Derek is still aware as she toys with him, pulls bits from his torso and chews them with a hundred sharpened teeth. He is aware, though not, perhaps, alive.”

We’ve seen her butcher this corpse (and she had been awful with the previous ones, too) – are they meant to respawn? To remain stuck in this state, technically “aware” without being alive? (Though: “aware, though not, perhaps, alive” might be a definition which could apply to… everyone trapped in the domains.)

- Still that thing about the sounds, when Jon gives his statements! It’s naturally been growing stronger: he creates his own soundscape when giving a statement, illustrating the main’s victim surroundings… and that soundscape fades away as soon as Jon is done. Is that a new power developing…? Is it because of dream logic, an extension of his role as a sort of story-teller (he’s supposed to make his audience imagine the sounds, and yet the sounds come to illustrate what he’s saying)…? This one was especially curious because we heard Daisy, who was… currently tearing into a body nearby (but not in the same room as Jon), as if she was present.

- AHAHA.

(MAG179) BASIRA: She’s here, then? ARCHIVIST: [SURPRISED] Basira? I… I–I didn’t hear you, uh… BASIRA: No. I figured you wouldn’t when you were… busy.

It sure feels like something screaming “JON HAS A WEAKNESS, AND IT MIGHT BE USED AGAINST HIM SOON”, in the same way as Annabelle highlighting that Jon was now forced to read a statement until its end once he had begun was followed by Jonah using that trick for his ritual ;; We’ve already seen this at work, how Martin had trouble shaking Jon off from giving a statement, in Jude’s domain; since the episode ended with Jon and Martin going off on their own again… Big Fear that at some point, Jon will come back to his surroundings to discover that Martin is just… gone.

After MAG170 (Martin getting lost in the Lonely house), it looked like Jon and Martin were a bit more cautious about getting separated in domains: instead of leaving Jon completely alone, Martin had stayed quite close or right next to him in a few instances (MAG171, MAG176, and MAG172 although Martin ended up wandering off). In the last two episodes, Basira had initially stayed with Martin: was it an additional security for Jon? I wonder what they’ll go back to, starting next episode – if Martin will stay close, or if they’ll go back to Jon doing his thing in his corner.

- ;________; Basira and Jon’s bantering felt… so nice?

(MAG179) ARCHIVIST: I thought you were keeping watch. BASIRA: I was. Watched you sneak away. ARCHIVIST: … Sorry. BASIRA: You apologise too much. ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLING] Martin says the same thing…! BASIRA: [CHUCKLING] Like he’s any better!

They felt like they genuinely liked each other again, were able to share things, even with dry teasing? It didn’t feel like Basira was trying to insult him, but rather that they shared the same sense of humour, here and there…

Jon’s FONDNESS when he explained that Martin tells him the same thing still kills me. AND TO BE FAIR, yeah, this season, Jon and Martin have the tendency to spontaneously say “sorry” for various things… a lot. And sometimes, it’s genuine and important “sorry”, or them apologising for something unpleasant they’re doing! But both Jon and Martin do say it a lot. (And displayed it in this episode, even! Martin apologising over Jon’s leg when performing first aid, Jon once again telling Basira that he couldn’t do anything for Daisy, and that he was “sorry” over what had to happen…)

- I really felt like Jon… wanted to spare Basira a bit, by not forcing her to face what Daisy had done to this victim. Is it because Basira had already agreed to look in the previous two cases, and was now ready to kill her? Because Jon’s point had come across, and that he didn’t want to kick Basira while she was already down and there was no need anymore? He had been way harsher towards her in the previous episode:

(MAG177) MARTIN: Wait. Wait, so… so, she’s hunting down criminals? People who she… thinks got away with stuff? BASIRA: … Sure. ARCHIVIST: Really? As simple as that? BASIRA: What’s your point? ARCHIVIST: What, you think he ended up in Wonderland House at random? We’re just going to ignore it, and write him off as a “nasty piece of work”? BASIRA: We don’t have time for this. ARCHIVIST: Then we should make time. You want to hear how he ended up blinding that man? Because it wasn’t a robbery. He was running away from Daisy, lashing out in a panic. The court believed it. But you believed her… BASIRA: [ANGRY] I told you not to look in my head! ARCHIVIST: I didn’t. And I won’t. But you can’t hunt a monster that you refuse to see.

(MAG178) ARCHIVIST: Recognise her… BASIRA: … No… I don’t think I do. ARCHIVIST: That wasn’t a question. It was an instruction, we can’t… move on until you do. […] I told you before, we can’t hunt a monster you refuse to see.

(MAG179) BASIRA: … Why didn’t you want me to hear this one? ARCHIVIST: What? BASIRA: You weren’t this cagey about the other ones, meaning you wanted to keep this one secret. ARCHIVIST: U–uhh… Hum… BASIRA: Because this one was Daisy’s victim? ARCHIVIST: … Yes. BASIRA: … Didn’t think you knew what the statement was going to be before it happened? ARCHIVIST: I just had a sense of it. BASIRA: So… what? You thought I’d hear he was a murderer and I’d agree with her? Maybe I’d figure she was doing the apocalypse a favour by taking him out? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know what I thought. BASIRA: Sure. ARCHIVIST: I don’t know, alright! I was… I was worried that if you listened, it might feel like an accusation. A–after everything we’ve already talked about, I–I mean… What good would it do for you to hear? What’s in this one that you don’t already know? People have their reasons for doing wrong? The system hurts everyone? … Just seemed kind of… pointless. BASIRA: Yeah. I guess. ARCHIVIST: [SELF-DEPRECATIVE SCOFF] Honestly, I just wanted to avoid this conversation. […] So… You did hear it, then? BASIRA: Yeah. ARCHIVIST: What, uh… What did you think? Did it… help? BASIRA: With what? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know…! BASIRA: … Me neither.

* So Jon is able to get a sense of what the domain’s statement will be about, before he even starts? Previously, he had known that they were in “Wonderland House” before beginning his statement, but I had the impression he mostly knew what the domain was about – not about… specific victims. It reminds me of what Annabelle had said about him regarding the written statements (MAG147: “I know the summaries have started to confuse you. Where did they come from, when you read a statement fresh? How do you just… sort of know what it’s about, before you even start to read it…?”), and how he had known about the overall subject of Floyd Matharu’s statement before hearing it. Martin only recently called what Jon has been doing in season 5 “make a statement”, and I really wonder if we’ll learn… what Jon is doing exactly, through those, when he overloads and needs to put the stories into words…

* Small things, here and there: in the previous episode, Basira had agreed to open up, had asked Jon for confirmations, had acknowledged that Jon knew the way towards Daisy and that she had to follow him. I like how nuanced it was, from Jon to want to hide this statement from Basira, that he didn’t want to feel like he was “accusing” her by insisting on things Basira had now understood? And how Basira still wants to know why he would do this – is it condescending, is it coming from a place of sympathy, from absolute awkwardness? (And there is something so fragile and precious in the fact that on the one hand, Jon might have wanted to protect Basira from this one; and on the other hand, Basira wanted to know why he would hide from her… but didn’t jump to his throat about it, and mostly wanted to know why?)

* Tiny progress on Jon’s part? Hearing him acknowledge that he didn’t really know his own reasons for wanting to hide this statement from Basira, and that not being treated like a big deal… seems like a tiny step, compared to his Web paranoia from season 4, when Jon was agonising over Beholding and The Web influencing his actions? Doing something and not knowing why, or rationalising afterwards, would usually be pinned on The Web, but it seems like Jon went back to treat it as something natural, that doesn’t need to be inspected further.

* I like how it really feels like Basira isn’t trying to flee anymore? Just… takes it all in, and accepts that Daisy had wronged someone else.

- Aouch, about the mention of the kidnappings ;_;

(MAG179) BASIRA: Should’ve been sneakier, then. ARCHIVIST: Yeah. … Never been my strong suit, has it? BASIRA: How many times have you been kidnapped at this point? ARCHIVIST: That depends if you– … Hm. BASIRA: … Say it. ARCHIVIST: Depends if you count Daisy. [TENSION & BREATHING]

… Because Basira already knew the answer, and used to be much more callous and mean about it in front of Jon:

(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: Look, I’ve… been where you are. BASIRA: Have you? ARCHIVIST: Yes, I have. Like you’re the only one responsible for everyone, the weight of all their lives on your shoulders: it leads to bad decisions. BASIRA: Yeah, well. When I get myself kidnapped three times in a row, maybe I’ll look to you for advice.

But this episode came after Jon explained how genuinely traumatising Daisy’s kidnapping had been… So it was a bittersweet example of light-hearted banter (Jon and Basira weren’t aggressive! They were joking with each other!) quickly turning sour, accidentally.

- Martin’s Life Is Hard And No One Understands:

(MAG179) [RUNNING FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, APPROACHING] MARTIN: [SLIGHTLY BREATHLESS] Hey-hey! Hey, she’s– she’s, she’s here! [PANTS] BASIRA: What, what? Now? MARTIN: Yeah–yeah, she just… she just tore into a guy, it was…! [SHAKEN] He was, oh, urgh… ARCHIVIST: Yes, we–we understand, Martin.

… Martin found ANOTHER corpse. Gertrude, Leitner, what’s-left-of-Jonah-though-not-technically-a-corpse-since-Martin-was-supposed-to-kill-him, Noah Thomson in MAG177, now this one… Martin, you corpse-magnet.

- Was it Derek’s, since Jon had just given the statement ending with Daisy tearing into him? Did Jon narrate it as it was happening? There is something very curious about the fact that Daisy could interact with both the domains’ victims and our little group – since she ended up injuring Jon, and was shot by Basira. We also got this with Trevor (who was “prey”, but still shot by Basira, who didn’t belong to that domain). Is it a characteristic of Hunters, able to go through the lines in the same way that they had the ability to kill avatars, before the Change? Martin did collide into people/projections last episode (and apologised for it), so it seems like they can interact with victims and not only avatars in the domains, and I wonder if Jon’s power might help them at some point…

- SOB that Daisy’s hunt was not solely about killing the people she labelled as “criminals who got away”. It was about desecrating them, making it as painful as possible (they’re “aware” of what is happening), and… consumption? (She had gotten thinner and had trouble eating towards the end of season 4, is that an echo of it, a way of trying to compensate…?)

- Second gigantic red flag of the episode:

(MAG179) BASIRA: You didn’t think this was worth mentioning!? ARCHIVIST: I didn’t notice, I was talking to you! BASIRA: Fine, whatever.

… The fact that Jon can get distracted and miss information about his surroundings when he’s focusing on something else. It’s extremely Elias-like (it’s how the Archives team had taken him down in season 3), and absolutely feels like something that could get used against Jon at some point…

- I missed Daisy so much, and the first time we hear her live again, she’s reintroduced through the sounds of her EATING THE CORPSE OF SOMEONE SHE JUST KILLED. Cries cries cries.

(Poor Martin: he was audibly upset by the carnage. Too close to Flesh? I remember how Jon had mentioned that he had trouble looking at pictures, in MAG072’s post-statement.)

- Martin’s small interruption made me wonder…

(MAG179) MARTIN: [SUDDEN GASP] [A WOODEN POLE FALLS OVER] [DAISY PAUSES, SNIFFS THE AIR, THEN RESUMES CONSUMPTION] BASIRA: [HUSHED, ANGRY] The hell was that!? MARTIN: Sorry! Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! ARCHIVIST: What happened? MARTIN: I–I thought you were about to fire! BASIRA: So you gasped just in case? MARTIN: Look, it’s a tense situation alright? I don’t know what I’m doing here, I’m not a sniper! BASIRA: Goddamnit!

… if this wasn’t him trying to sabotage the operation because he didn’t want Daisy to die ;_; Though I can absolutely believe that he really just… gasped in advance, because he was too tense. (Also, I LIVE for Martin’s rants about how he’s not equipped to face this kind of stuff.)

… However, meanwhile, Jon was… definitely trying to delay the inevitable:

(MAG179) ARCHIVIST: [HUSHED] Is this a good enough angle? We can try and sneak round to the other side of the furnaces. But… then the smoke wouldn’t cover us– BASIRA: It’s fine. Shut up. I just need to focus. ARCHIVIST: … Alright. […] Basira, are you sure you’re up to this? It doesn’t need to be right now. W–we can always… back off, regroup, w–wait for a better situation, one where she isn’t… elbow deep in some poor sod’s corpse. BASIRA: Don’t do that. ARCHIVIST: … Sorry. MARTIN: What am I missing here? BASIRA: He knows, as well as I do, that the only reason we’re even able to get this close is because she’s busy with a kill. There isn’t going to be a better opportunity. MARTIN: … Now or never then. BASIRA: Yeah. I made her a promise. ARCHIVIST: You need to be certain. BASIRA: I am.

I didn’t feel like Jon thought that Basira wasn’t ready, or that the sight was too unsettling for him to bear… but more like it was Jon himself who wasn’t ready for Daisy to be killed, and didn’t want to admit it? While as for Basira, she clearly had progressed towards that resolution:

(MAG164) MARTIN: What’s Basira going to do? [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: She… thinks she’s going to kill Daisy. Like she promised. [STATIC DECREASES] But she’s conflicted. MARTIN: And will she? ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know, th–the future, th–that’s… that’s not something I can see.

(MAG178) BASIRA: [QUIET] … I really am going to have to kill her, aren’t I? ARCHIVIST: There’s no way to bring her back. Not any more. At this point, if I tried to take away her fear… it would destroy her anyway. BASIRA: Am I even going to be able to? ARCHIVIST: Yes. BASIRA: And she stays dead? ARCHIVIST: In this case… yes.

(MAG179) BASIRA: Yeah. I made her a promise. ARCHIVIST: You need to be certain. BASIRA: I am.

(I’m also proud of Martin for immediately asking for clarifications when he was lacking information! … Well, wasn’t exactly the moment to ask, but it’s good that he pointed out, right away, that he was out of the loop. Audience surrogate in action.)

- I lovelovelove TMA’s ability to give tension and also deliver the silliest scenes, while saying so much about its characters:

(MAG179) BASIRA: Would you stop staring at me like that?! ARCHIVIST: Like what? BASIRA: Like you’ve looked inside my head, and you don’t like what you see. ARCHIVIST: If that’s an accusation, then you’re wrong. I don’t do that. [FEASTING SOUNDS STOP] BASIRA: Right. Like you’re suddenly given infinite power and no consequences, and that’s when you decide to start respecting people’s privacy. ARCHIVIST: Is that really so hard to believe? MARTIN (BACKGROUND): Uh… BASIRA: Yeah, Jon. It is. MARTIN (BACKGROUND): Guys, guys… ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] BASIRA: If you have something you want to say god-boy, just say it. MARTIN (BACKGROUND): Guys… ARCHIVIST: Look. I know it’s hard, and you have your reasons– MARTIN (BACKGROUND): Guys… ARCHIVIST: –but it is not my fault that you can’t bring yourself– MARTIN: [EXASPERATED, HUSHED] Shut up! Both of you! BASIRA: What? MARTIN: She’s gone! ARCHIVIST: Wait, what? … Oh. Oh no…

* It’s being hammered in pretty heavily that Jon is not looking in Basira’s or Martin’s heads.

* OUFT, Basira was absolutely on edge and it showed: she went back to one of her regular accusations regarding Jon’s powers, dating from season 4… with the same unfairness. Back then, Jon wasn’t really able to control his bits of Knowing; it’s not that he has “decided” to respect people’s privacy nowadays, it’s just that he couldn’t really do that back then, and is doing his best to do it now that he can.

* … And it says so much about Basira that she immediately assumes that someone with power would casually abuse it… given her own relationship with Daisy, and what Daisy used to do, who she used to be.

* I live for Basira’s pet names:

(MAG140) BASIRA: By this point, I just assume the Eyeball tells you.

(MAG177) ARCHIVIST: I told you, I know everything now, more or less. I can see her. With my, uh… BASIRA: … Magic horrorvision? ARCHIVIST: Sure.

(MAG179) BASIRA: If you have something you want to say god-boy, just say it.

* IT REMINDED ME OF ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SCENES!!!

(MAG113) ARCHIVIST: M–Martin! Stop trying to touch the plastic explosive! MARTIN: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. MELANIE: Guys… ARCHIVIST: Just put your hands in your pockets, or… something… MARTIN: Look, I said, I said I’m sorry… MELANIE: Guys! ARCHIVIST & MARTIN: What?

Team Archive, a bunch of adorable idiots.

* It was suuuuuch a cliché scene and I loved it to pieces, with special *chef kiss* to the sound of Daisy’s meal stopping, and Martin’s hushed outburst <3

- Overall, I really love how the scene was… almost underwhelming? It was messy and awkward, it wasn’t heroic and grand, it wasn't an iconic showdown with a mythical creature. It was mundane, didn’t even feel supernatural? Just… a big dog having grabbed Jon and not letting him go, and how it was affecting characters – Jon being in pain, Martin in absolute anguish over Jon, Basira still trying, a few last times, to pull Daisy back to reason.

- Oh, Martin… the fact that his reflex was still to worry for Jon and Jon’s safety:

(MAG179) MARTIN: Let him go! BASIRA: Get out the way! ARCHIVIST: Take the shot! MARTIN: No, you’ll hit Jon! ARCHIVIST: Uh, take the shot Basira! … Uh… [STRONGER GROWLS] Basira! Do it! MARTIN: Don’t!

… even though Jon is the least likely to get permanent damage from anything, and this was their only opportunity? Martin ;_;

- Crying a LOT all through it about… Basira’s attempts to bring Daisy back, although she had discussed the theory already (that Jon couldn’t do anything, that she would have to kill her, that Daisy was “happy” in her current state). But it was more difficult to apply in practice, and it’s heartbreaking that Basira couldn’t help but hope that a positive outcome was still possible:

(MAG179) BASIRA: Daisy, stop! Please. ARCHIVIST: [WHIMPER] [DAISY’S SPEECH IS LOW AND GUTTURAL, EXPRESSED WITH DIFFICULTY THROUGH A JAW UNFAMILIAR TO HUMAN WORDS – SOME CONSONANTS ELONGATED, SOME VOWELS SLURRED] DAISY: [AROUND A MOUTHFUL OF ARCHIVIST] … Basiraaa? BASIRA: Oh, god. Daisy… […] She knows who I am! She recognises me. MARTIN: B–Basira! BASIRA: Daisy, come back to us. You can come back. Please… […] Daisy, please… Jon, can you… Can you do anything? DAISY: Basiiira… ARCHIVIST: [BREATHLESS] I’m sorry, I told you, she’s… she’s too deep. I can’t do anything, not without killing her…! BASIRA: [PLEADINGLY] Daisy. It’s me. Come on, please…

And I HATE THAT I COULDN’T HELP BUT HOPE, TOO, GDI!!! Because Daisy was still listening (in a way) to what Basira was saying, since she released Jon, and since we had cases where it had been possible to bring someone back from the clutch of a Fear (Jon had managed to save Martin from The Lonely by making him “see” him, after all), so I couldn’t help but hope for something of the same kind… even though Daisy had been involved in The Hunt for almost her entire life, and had warned that returning to it would mean her end, and that Jon had explained in the previous episode that no, he couldn’t do anything to save her ;_;

- Crying about how even before Basira explained what Daisy was offering, there was a double-meaning in what she was saying:

(MAG179) DAISY: Basiraaa… C–come… Come on… BASIRA: … What? DAISY: Come. Got to… get them! […] DAISY: Partner. C–come. [STATIC RISES, FAINTLY] BASIRA: … Oh. I see. MARTIN: What? BASIRA: She… She wants me to join her. In the Hunt. MARTIN: What…? Could… Is that even possible? BASIRA: … Yes. I can… feel it. In the blood. ARCHIVIST: [WEAKLY] Basira…

Was it “Come on” as in “fulfil your promise and kill me”, or “come to me / kill them with me”? AND IT WAS THE SECOND ONE, GODSDAMNIT!!

- Extremely curious about Basira’s static: was it a trace of Beholding allowing her to know? Was it the call of The Hunt? Did it only happen because of Daisy and Basira’s connection? Did it only happen because they were each other’s “anchor”, in a very twisted and bittersweet way (just like Colin&Derek in the statement, the thing stabilising and saving you… and the think that can also drag you down and under)?

I’m not surprised that Basira had the potential in her to answer the call of The Hunt (down to hearing the Blood): she behaved like a Hunter in season 4 especially, and was on Daisy’s trail for all of this season, after all. But I’m sobbing about how instead of saving Daisy, the other possible outcome would have been for Basira to fall into The Hunt’s clutch, too – that until the end, there was still this echo of Basira and Daisy being “partners”, being identified as such by everyone:

(MAG082) MARTIN: I… I’m making a statement. Isn’t that what you want? My statement? DAISY: No. I just need you to answer the question. MARTIN: Oh. Okay. I mean, y–you wanted a statement last time. About… it was… when I found Gertrude. Or at least your partner did. […] ELIAS: And then they don’t ask any questions, as long as you keep it far away from official police channels. Except your partner leaving has made you sloppy. No notes, no proper interrogations, no back-up of any sort.

(MAG088) MARTIN: Well, I’m sure your partner will find him; I just hope she’s not as– BASIRA: No, I need to find him now! You’re sure you don’t know where she is?

(MAG092) ELIAS: She’s quite the killer, your partner. All in the public good, of course.

(MAG112) BASIRA: How about you? DAISY: Elias is… keeping me busy. Hunting. Takes a while. [FALTERS] I’m used to working… with a partner. … It’s fine. BASIRA: Daisy… DAISY: It’s fine. BASIRA: Right. … But it’s not, though, is it? […] DAISY: Fine. … Maybe you could ask Elias if you can join me on a case?

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: I think Basira is the same, she’s coming along to back-up Daisy, or so she says. I–I, I don't quite get those two, I suppose. What they’ve done, seeing what they’ve seen… It’s a hell of a bond. The sort of thing I’ve mostly done alone. […] BASIRA: But at least Daisy’s coming along. I mean… I know she’s… difficult. Everything they say about her, it’s true, it’s fair. But… she’s solid. She’s a fixed point. And if she’s there, I know exactly where I stand, exactly what I’m doing relative to her. She has no doubts. We go in, we plant bombs, we leave we blow it all to hell. Or, we die. I don’t think I’ll ever have clarity like that. Despite everything she’s done, she’s… she’s still the best partner I ever had.

(MAG142) DAISY: When Basira and I were partners, I’d see this happen sometimes. She can read a… situation like no one I know, always seems to know the right move, but for all her research, she never wants to put a plan together. I think she just hates all the unknowns, the… variables. [SIGH] Contingencies. If she spots an advantage, she’ll… grab it, and trust herself to figure out the details as she goes.

… but in the negative way. When it comes to Basira&Daisy as a relationship, there is something extremely sad in the fact that they never managed to have the willingness to improve and “be better” at the same time: Daisy did it in season 4, when Basira was too obsessed with trying to compensate for her powerlessness and refused to hold Daisy accountable for her past actions; and Basira did it, early in her police career when she first thought about quitting, and in season 5 when she finally acknowledged the damage she had caused or allowed to be caused, when it was too late for Daisy.

I wonder if Daisy, as a beast, wasn’t a concentration of her most toxic traits? We know that she was punishing people whom she identified (pre-Coffin) as criminals that had gotten away. Her last attempt to drag Basira with her in this Hunt really feels… like a last attempt to get back the relationship they had as colleagues and partners? She had mentioned that she missed working with Basira, in season 3 (to the point of considering asking Elias to allow them to work on a case together)…

- ;_; Goodbye, Daisy…

(MAG179) BASIRA: I can’t leave her like this, she’s… always had my back. Always. MARTIN: Basira, don’t, please… DAISY: Partner… Come… [MORE FOOTSTEPS] BASIRA: … Not now. Not after everything. DAISY: [IMPATIENT] Basira, now! BASIRA: I… can’t…! DAISY: Basira! [GUNSHOT] [SNARLING] [TWO MORE GUNSHOTS] [DAISY COLLAPSES, DEAD] [THE DISTANT RUMBLE OF MACHINERY CONTINUES] [SILENCE BUT FOR BREATHS] MARTIN: … Basira, I– BASIRA: Shut up. MARTIN: … I’m sorry, I–I know– BASIRA: [DANGEROUSLY] Shut. Up.

* Same as with Daisy’s “Come on”, I got that doubt about whether was Basira’s “I can’t” meant “I can’t kill her”, or “I can’t join her in The Hunt”…

* Basira’s “she’s always had my back” HURT A LOT after Derek’s statement (“When the police came hassling them, he had Colin’s back. When some little dipshit didn’t show the proper respect, he had Colin’s back. When Colin needed someone by his side for a smash and grab, Derek had his back.”)… but it also demonstrated the difference, beautifully: the fact that Basira was now able to say Stop and No when it was going too far, the fact that she refused to keep being complicit.

* Basira rejecting The Hunt felt, to me, like Martin rejecting The Lonely in the house? They had the opportunity to take an “easier” path, less painful, allowing them to forget about the hurt they had suffered… and chose differently.

- Basira shot once, then twice.

So three shots in total.

Was it Alex’s audio revenge for the “Turns out Gertrude was too much of a badass to die from just a single gunshot” debacle. (=> Three bullets in total, but only one at first, and the other two happened, uh, at some point off-tape.)

- Martin exploding the Swear Budget and taking the lead this season if you don’t count per episode but per occurrences! /o/

(MAG179) BASIRA: I… Sure, just… let him go. [LOW SNARL FROM DAISY, THEN RELEASES THE ARCHIVIST] ARCHIVIST: [COLLAPSES WITH A GRUNT] MARTIN: Oh, Jon! Oh shit, shit–shit–shit! Okay, okay, okay, I’ve got you, I’ve got you. [MARTIN BEGINS FIRST AID] ARCHIVIST: Ah, ah, ah…! MARTIN: I’m sorry! Sorry! Sorry, you j–, you need to keep pressure on that leg while I, I sort this, hum…

(SOB ABOUT MARTIN’S “I got you”… also paralleling Colin&Derek (“I got you.” That’s what Colin had always said to him when they were kids. And he had always meant it. When Derek needed somewhere to stay when his dad was on the warpath: “I got you.” When Derek needed a little something to take the edge off: “I got you.” When the lifeless body of Derek’s father lay at the bottom of the stairs, limbs folded around the cricket bat he had hit him with: “I got you.”) On so many levels, it really feels like relationships can so easily become twisted and mutually toxic, or pushing people towards worse; the main difference we saw with Jon and Martin is that, meanwhile, they’ve actively communicated and tried to be better for each other, and navigate around principles, but it feels so easy to tip over the line…)

- Crying over Basira hours:

* It was a Desolation domain; the case that got her Sectioned (which stopped her from resigning when she had been thinking about it, and reinforced her ties with Daisy) had been a Desolation incident. (MAG043) Talking about loss, and Basira closing a chapter…

* … The event that directly led her to signing away her freedom to the Institute had been her saving Jon from Daisy (MAG091). When they reunited, out of anger, she said that she regretted having saved Jon back then (MAG177: “I should’ve known, I… I should’ve just let Daisy take you out at the start.”), and yet… she saved him from Daisy once again. This time by killing her.

- CRYING OVER JON HOURS:

(MAG179) ARCHIVIST: Is it… Is it awful that I wish she’d recognised me? MARTIN: Daisy? ARCHIVIST: Yeah. I mean, she was… We were friends there, sort of, near the end. We went through so much and it just… I wish I could have actually said goodbye. MARTIN: Would it have made you feel any better about any of it? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know. Maybe? It’s hard to know how I feel about… anything these days. [SILENCE] MARTIN: We said our goodbyes to Daisy after the institute. This was just… This was just dealing with all the stuff she left behind. ARCHIVIST: … I suppose.

… I’m not so sure that she hadn’t recognised him. Amongst the three of them, it’s him that Daisy… so she might have been identifying him as “prey/criminal/monster who got away”… ;_;

I’m glad (AND SAD) that Jon acknowledged the fact that they had grown close in season 4, THAT THEY WERE “FRIENDS”, and heartbroken that he… is indeed hit by the lack of closure.

But what about Basira? True, Daisy “recognised” her, but it was… to try and drag her along into her monstrous life. As far as last words go, Basira did get a kind of goodbye, however:

(MAG158) DAISY: [PANTING] Mm, Basira… When this is over, you need to find me… and kill me. Promise me. BASIRA: No. No, Daisy, we’ll figure something out! NOT!SASHA: [IN THE DISTANCE] You can’t hide forever, Jon. DAISY: [PANTING] These last months, I… it was always borrowed time. Can’t outrun it forever. BASIRA: Daisy… DAISY: [PANTING] Promise me. BASIRA: … I promise. DAISY: Thanks. [BREATHLESS] Now, run…! BASIRA: Daisy…! DAISY: [GROWLING] Run!

Compared to Jon:

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: What…? No! I– BASIRA: Don’t argue, just go. NOT!SASHA: [IN THE DISTANCE] Jooo–oooon~? ARCHIVIST: … Fine. Just don’t die. DAISY: Go.

… Or even worse, Martin:

(MAG144) MARTIN: Just leave. DAISY: Sorry? MARTIN: [INHALE] Get out. DAISY: Oh. Right. Sorry, I didn’t– MARTIN: It’s not difficult! Just get out! DAISY: Fine. … Fine. Just thought you– MARTIN: No! No, you didn’t! [DOOR OPENS] We’re not… we’re not friends, Daisy! None of us are! We’re all just trapped together, here, and–and kidding ourselves that we don’t hate it! Christ, there are more important things than, than “feelings”– DAISY: [INCREDULOUS EXHALE] MARTIN: –right now, all right, so just… leave me alone! For good! [SILENCE PUNCTUATED BY AGGRESSIVE WRITING] DAISY: … Right. You got it.

I mean. Martin and Daisy only had One Good ConversationTM, but Martin. Martin, please. It was blatantly to protect Daisy from Peter, but your last words to her had basically been telling her to fork off. 

- I feel like Martin might be trying to compartmentalise now but about to shatter soon, because… he had mentioned being happy at the prospect of “helping” their “friends” back in MAG175. I agree that in Daisy’s case, helping and leading Basira to fulfil her promise was the best they could hope for, but it’s still… absolutely grim. Since they left the cabin, they’ve not helped victims, not even children, they’ve discovered that Jon’s powers were incredibly powerful but also making him “worse”, they’ve helped Basira to kill Daisy and… that’s it. Jon had told Martin that there was no “better” in this world, and it’s hard to disagree, with how things are right now.

Is Martin still firmly believing that the Institute will be different, that they can do something to help? Or will he grow a bit more desperate? Susceptible to Annabelle’s call, or to try to contact her to accept her “help” because he feels like their options are dwindling…?

- Oh, about Jon getting patched up…

(MAG179) [A BAG IS UNZIPPED] MARTIN: Come on. I need to patch that leg up properly, the last thing we need is a limp slowing us down. ARCHIVIST: [GRUNTS AND GASPS] MARTIN: Of course, that’s assuming the bandages haven’t transformed into snakes or something. ARCHIVIST: [DISTRACTED] Hmm? No, they’re, they’re fine. MARTIN: I’d forgotten we had them to be honest. I packed them before I realised what a celebrity you were out here…! ARCHIVIST: [DRY CHUCKLE]

* ;_; Parallel to their first “heart-to-heart talk”, in MAG039: when Jon had been wormed, specifically in his leg, and Sasha and Martin took care of it…

* Martin remembers the not!tea from the trailer, uh. (He was also the only one to read a statement involving snakes-like spooky creatures!)

* … Martin, that’s a lot of thread-like things you’re carrying or mentioning this season:

(MAG162) MARTIN: And, I found some rope in the attic, and I packed that with the maps.

(MAG178) MARTIN: … Yeah. I guess. [INHALE, EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] God, I hate all of these… loose ends…! ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry. MARTIN: It’s, it’s fine. [INHALE] We’ll just have to tie them all up in one go! ARCHIVIST: Hm? MARTIN: [SIGH] Around Elias’s neck.

(MAG179) MARTIN: Of course, that’s assuming the bandages haven’t transformed into snakes or something. […] I’d forgotten we had them to be honest. I packed them before I realised what a celebrity you were out here…!

This is how Web!Martin can still w-

(Though, genuinely, I’m a bit… suspicious that Martin hadn’t mentioned them until now and had “forgotten” he had them, and that Jon was ~distracted~ when he was talking about them? Had Martin really packed them before they left the cabin, or is that something he packed later during the journey, without noticing, such as when he was in the Web domain…?)

- THIRD big red flag regarding Jon’s powers in the episode:

(MAG179) MARTIN: I, I was starting to think I’d never need them. I’m surprised she could hurt you at all…! ARCHIVIST: Yes, that… came as a bit of a shock to me as well, actually…! MARTIN: You didn’t know? ARCHIVIST: I didn’t think to check, just, sort of… assumed it was safe. MARTIN: That’s a pretty big assumption, Jon! ARCHIVIST: Hmm, apparently. I mean, I know it sounds strange but it… it… felt right for Daisy to be able to hurt me. MARTIN: Dream logic again? ARCHIVIST: Mmm. The… “resonances” from our relationship before the Change carried over and– Ah! Ah…! MARTIN: Hold still.

… A clear limitation in his pseudo-omniscience/all-knowledge is that he can… still assume (incorrect) things. That’s pretty big, as far as his knowledge goes: this means he has to actively think about checking things before they happen. What more may have gone under his radar already…?

* I’m not sure specifically why Daisy was able to hurt him. Jon had explained that:

(MAG178) ARCHIVIST: No one gets what they deserve. Not in this place. They just get whatever hurts them the most! … Even me.

Was it because she had hurt him so deeply in the forest, reviving that pain? Was it because they used to be friends, and Jon knew he was going to lose her, and only people Jon cares about can hurt him? Was it because of the mix of trauma&friendship, specific to her, that Daisy was bring with her?

* SOB over the fact that Daisy hurt him AGAIN… and had given him his Hunt mark in the forest… It wasn’t the first time they had interacted, but…

* Given the amount of things that run on dream-logic, and given how the Fears interact with their victims, it really feels like humans are both subjected to the Fears and shaping the world, themselves? I wonder if they’ll get some agency back through “feels right” logic, or if even that would get denied since, well, the Dread Powers work through pain and suffering, not… to help in anything.

* … Martin, please, was it accidental or did you squeeze hard because Jon was mentioning having an Important Relationship with someone else. (MARTIN BLEASE…)

- ;_; I’m not extremely surprised by Basira closing up and needing to do her mourning/to find her closure on her own… but it still breaks my heart so much, in the way she alternated between trying to be firm and dry, and pleading:

(MAG179) BASIRA: I’m… going to stay here. Burn the body. ARCHIVIST: Of course, we can wait. I still need to, uh… BASIRA: No. You go on. I’ll make my own way to London. [A BAG IS ZIPPED] MARTIN: … What? N–no, don’t be daft, it’s not a problem for us to wait while you deal with this! BASIRA: Please. Just go. MARTIN: … Wait… Seriously? ARCHIVIST: Basira, if you travel on your own, if you’re not with us, I… can’t guarantee your safety. BASIRA: Good. MARTIN: Basira, getting yourself hurt isn’t going to help anyone. BASIRA: It’s just… something I have to do. … You said follow the tower, right? ARCHIVIST: Right. MARTIN: No, no, this is ridiculous, you could die! BASIRA: I’ll do my best not to. MARTIN: This isn’t a joke, Basira! ARCHIVIST: Martin, this is what she needs. MARTIN: No, no! I–it’s…! BASIRA: It’ll… MARTIN: It’s completely– BASIRA: It’ll help me. All going well, I’ll meet you both in London. He’ll know where to find me. […] [SOFTLY] Martin. Please. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … [SIGH] You’d better look after yourself. BASIRA: I will. ARCHIVIST: [GENTLY] Come on. [FOOTSTEPS] [INHALE] For what it’s worth… I’m sorry it had to work out like this. BASIRA: … I’m not.

* Confirmation that Jon seems to have been protecting Martin and her from the domains’ influence so far, as long as they stayed close to him?

* “Basira, getting yourself hurt isn’t going to help anyone.” => mix of “who’s talking.” and “MARTIN. HAS. LEARNED!” (It’s what he did all through season 4 ;w; He knows that from personal experience…)

* I’M HAVING FEELINGS over that tiny Martin-Basira soft moment… gosh… (I’m remembering how Basira had been very cautious and defensive of Martin when she had explained to Jon that Martin had had a bad time… because he had lost his mother, at the beginning of season 4, and how she had clearly seen that it had impacted him… She was often harsh towards him, but she wasn’t heartless…)

* So Panopstitute is now a shared goal AND the point where they will supposedly meet up.

* Overall: I want to believe that Basira will be okay on her own journey, aaaaaaaaaah ;_; Clearly in pain, but I want to hope that she’ll be fine on her own, and getting a bit better…

* Proud of Jon for explicitly asking Basira’s permission to watch/know about her ;_; Consent! (And he’s worried, too!)

* I wonder if Jon’s leg was truly healing, as he claimed, since we didn’t hear static that would suggest a supernatural healing speed? It is truly getting better, or is he hiding the pain and injury since they have to leave now? (… Given the overall dream logic, I would almost expect the injury to not heal as long as Jon doesn’t truly process Daisy’s death, but we’ll see.)

* Sob for how Basira&Jon joked about his apologising too much… and the episode ended with Jon apologising over what had happened.

- H… Hey… Daisy was officially an Archival Assistant since season 4, since she had signed the contract in order to get rid of the dreams… So the curse of “one Assistant dies every odd-numbered season” has already been fulfilled, right…? So there doesn’t need to be any more death in the team this season, right? So there won’t be another Assistant death ever, unless Jonny writes a season 7, RIGHT…?

- Goodbye Daisy ;_; You were amazing in season 4, I couldn’t help but still cross fingers that there was a sliver of hope to get you back once again, and I’m SAD for you (and for Basira), and I hope that you can finally “listen to the quiet” again ;___;

Time to relisten to season 4 and think about you making Jon listen to The Archers.

I’m TwwwwT super sad (in a good way) about Jon lamenting that he would have liked to be able to say his goodbyes to Daisy, and acknowledging that they had been close (“FRIENDS”!!!), kinda hoping that the page is not turned (and-then-we-never-talked-about-Daisy-ever-again) but that instead the loss will cling to them a bit and that there will be Sadness about it. It’s… still a death, it’s still a loss, it’s still something that hurt and stung! ;w;

- … I feel like there might have been some implication contained within the fact that they agreed to kill Daisy in the current circumstances…? Jon said that he couldn’t do anything for her anymore because she was “too deep” in; but they chose to do it now, meaning that… she couldn’t have got better when/if they manage to turn the world back and stop the apocalypse. So either they’ve slowly grown accustomed to thinking that the world can’t get better, either… Daisy wouldn’t have survived anyway if the world were to be “fixed” and freed from the clutch of the Fears. So what does that mean about Jon, who is absolutely deep into Beholding? What would happen to Jon, the Archivist, the Archive, if the world was to be saved? Could he survive a Change Back, or would he just disappear like the Fears?

(- For once, I’m actually a bit surprised at the title since… “Accomplice” worked for the statement, it worked for Basira&Daisy’s relationship as it used to be, but it wasn’t really applying to Basira anymore – this is precisely the episode where she definitely refused to go back to being an “accomplice”. “Partner(s)” had been the word characteristic of Daisy&Basira’s relationship and would have been the title I would have expected for this episode, given their dynamic.

… So instead, it makes me whimp out the red string, and consider that the “accomplice(s)” might not have been the obvious ones. Can’t help but *SQUINT* at Martin this episode, because:

* We know that Basira and Martin talked about something in MAG178 when Jon was giving his statement, and we don’t know the details of it.

(MAG178) MARTIN: –I know, I know you find it hard whe– … Done already? ARCHIVIST: Yes. […] MARTIN: I was just… giving Basira some advice. ARCHIVIST: [GOOD-NATURED] Avatars are from Mars and humans are from Venus, that sort of thing? MARTIN: [TINY CHUCKLE] I mean… yeah? Sort of? ARCHIVIST: [BRIEF CHUCKLE] MARTIN: Well, w–we were pretty much done anyway.

(And in the same way: we don’t know for sure what happened to Martin when he ended up wandering off into The Web’s domain in MAG172. Did he tell Jon the whole story about it? Or did something happen that he managed to hide?)

* Last few episodes have been extremely insistent in reminding us that Jon is making active efforts to not look into Basira’s and Martin’s heads at all:

(MAG177) BASIRA: … What’s it like? Being with someone who can see the inside of your head? MARTIN: Hm? Oh! Oh no, he doesn’t. I told him not to, and so he tries to… look away? BASIRA: And you trust him to do that. MARTIN: [DECISIVE] Yes. I do. […] BASIRA: [ANGRY] I told you not to look in my head! ARCHIVIST: I didn’t. And I won’t.

(MAG178) ARCHIVIST: Yes. [INHALE] Talking about me? BASIRA: … I assume that’s a rhetorical question. ARCHIVIST: I am trying to keep my powers to myself.

(MAG179) BASIRA: I am. [BASIRA TAKES AIM AGAIN, HESITATES AGAIN] Would you stop staring at me like that?! ARCHIVIST: Like what? BASIRA: Like you’ve looked inside my head, and you don’t like what you see. ARCHIVIST: If that’s an accusation, then you’re wrong. I don’t do that. [FEASTING SOUNDS STOP] BASIRA: Right. Like you’re suddenly given infinite power and no consequences, and that’s when you decide to start respecting people’s privacy. ARCHIVIST: Is that really so hard to believe? […] BASIRA: All going well, I’ll meet you both in London. He’ll know where to find me. ARCHIVIST: So, you won’t mind if I check up on you sometimes? BASIRA: If you must! But don’t overdo it. I don’t like being watched. ARCHIVIST: Understood.

* Martin was mostly fine about the concept of betraying the trust of someone you like and care for, as long as it’s in ~their best interest~:

(MAG176) ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] I don’t like betraying someone’s trust like this. MARTIN: It’s not a betrayal if you’re doing it to help. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I’m not so sure…! MARTIN: Look, if it was me in her shoes, I’m sure I’d forgive you. It–it’s for the best!

* Jon’s joke about “Methinks the Spider doth protest too much…!” (MAG167) when Martin asked him not to look inside his head… reminds me of the way the gang managed to convince Elias that it was in his best interest for Martin not to come along to the Unknowing, in MAG116: Martin’s offense and protests were staged in order to make it pass as innocuous that he would stay behind at the Institute; Jon asked for Martin to stay, but they needed Elias to feel like it was partly his own decision, hence Martin’s protests. Back then, we didn’t know that Elias had made a bet with Peter (so it’s unclear whether he was factoring in Jon potentially dying and his need for a back-up, or if it was mostly motivated by the fact that Martin had to stay alive in order to set up Jon’s Lonely mark), but the situation still is very reminiscent of the end of MAG179: character A makes a decision, Martin protests and tries to argue, until character B steps in to validate A and Martin has to agree with the others… about something that was A’s and his plan from the start. It’s basically Martin’s modus operandi, that he also used to make Elias focus in him in MAG118 (spilling his frustrations and pains) and to keep Peter’s attention on him during season 4 (genuinely wanting to stop The Extinction, being susceptible to The Lonely, but not wanting to serve Peter’s plans). Always mixing his genuine feelings in with some deception, to hide his endgame intentions.

… So what if, in the same way, Basira&Martin’s little opposition here had been staged because they needed Basira to be out of Jon’s radar for a while, and for Jon to feel like that was natural…?

(Obligatory disclaimer: I don’t believe that Martin is secretly evil or working against Jon; if Martin is currently plotting something, I really think it would because he needs Jon to not know about it (because of Jon’s status as the lynchpin of the apocalypse and The Eye’s favourite), and/or because it will require Martin to take risks and he knows that Jon would protest that. Overall, it’s surprising that, for now, Martin doesn’t explicitly have a plan – he’s been following Jon and seems to be focusing all his hopes on the Panopticon – while he used to be planning and scheming so easily before. So what if there was actually something currently in progress, in the blind spot of Jon’s vision and near-omniscience…?))

- Anyway, the points that Jon is not looking into Basira’s nor Martin’s heads, that he is distracted when talking with someone or giving a statement (… really reminiscent of Basira in season 3 explaining how Elias wasn’t able to focus on anyone and anything else when using his powers to traumatise Melanie, uh…), and that he can assume things that end up working out differently (so can think erroneously as long as he hasn’t thought to Know about it and asked the good questions to his pool of knowledge)… definitely feel like something about this is going to come back to bite them in the ass later. ;;

I have HIGH HOPES for EMOTIONAL PAIN with MAG180’s title! =D I’m thinking about grief and mourning – could be the occasion to get an episode a bit like MAG167, Jon “giving the statement” of people from before the Change? Maybe not even solely about Daisy, but about all the assistants&friends (Sasha, Tim, Gerry, Daisy) they have lost since signing up for the Archives? Or Jon and Martin thinking about the kind of internal/emotional/psychological journey they have to accomplish in order to reach the Panopticon, whether or not there is something preventing them from reaching it, in the same way that Basira had to face Daisy’s crimes and “see the monster” to be able to catch up to her?

If there is a domain: Vast and Buried could work in a very physical sense, End could fit too…

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #mag179 #tma season 5 #the magnus archives #tma liveblog #long post/ #tma spoilers/

[mousehole5000]

wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng  back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.”  CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well.  okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

#tgcf liveblog #so close and yet so far...... #i keep hearing tell of this fabled book 4 i must press onwards...... #but now im sleepy..... #mouse mumbles

[purplesurveys]

1111

Something a little bit random and silly for my 1111th, just because.

survey by joybucket

List three things you love that start with each letter.

A: Art and most forms of it; anchovies, in most cases; and Angela.

B: Burgers, Beyoncé, and buffets.

E: Escargot, the name Eloise, and elephants.

F: FISH, Friends, and some folk indie.

S: Sleeping, signing off work at the end of my shift, and all kinds of seafood.

T: I’m obsessed with tteokbokki; trying out new food; and table tennis.

Q: I like the quiet time I occasionally give myself; quail eggs, especially in the form of kwek-kwek; and quattro formaggi pizza.

R: Rainbows, the rain, and riding planes.

O: Old movies, the ocean, and Okinawa milk tea.

List a phrase including an adjective, noun, and verb for each letter. Examples: "angry artist anticipating", "rude rascals running", "dirty dogs dancing", or "empty elephants eloping." Have fun!

A: Adorable animals appearing.

F: Fabulous fingers frolicking.

C; Chummy classmates cooking.

S: Suspicious self salivating.

R: Rambunctious raccoon running.

T: Tired turnip tumbling.

Q; Questioning quail quipping.

J: Joyful joggers jamming.

I: Inquisitive igloos imagining.

L: Luxurious lemonade luminescing.

Z: Zesty zebras zoning out.

E: Ethereal eagles embracing.

List three different occupations starting with each letter.

O: Orthodontist, oceanographer, opthalmologist.

E: Engineer, equestrienne, elementary school teacher.

F: Firefighter, flight attendant, farmer.

S: Scientist, singer, seamstress.

T: Talent agent, tricycle driver, tennis player.

I: Illustrator, inspector, IT technician.

E: Economist, editor, electrician.

L: Lawyer, librarian, lifeguard.

A: Accountant, actor, architect.

Y: Yoga instructor, youth pastor, yogurt maker?? if that counts, lol. Otherwise I got nothing else.

List three adjectives that begin with each letter.

A: Affable, abrupt, adequate.

B: Broken, blunt, bleary.

C: Crazy, clear, clingy.

D: Daunting, delirious, dark.

E: Existential, enraged, exemplary.

F: Fantastic, far-flung, flavorful.

G: Ghastly, gentle, gigantic.

H: Harrowing, healthy, hopeful.

I: Intelligent, identical, impervious.

J: Jovial, jaded, joyous.

List three nouns that being with each letter.

K: Kangaroo, keychain, kiwi.

L: Lemonade the album, lemon the fruit, and Liz Lemon.

M: Mall, maple syrup, and mop.

N: Nightingale, nest, napkin.

O: Ogre, olive, orange.

P: Piano, panini, and pizza.

Q: Queen, quill, quilt.

List three verbs that begin with each letter.

R: Running, raking, reliving.

S: Singing, sailing, surfing.

T: Tricking, tossing, teeming.

U: Understanding, urging, unwrapping.

V: Villifying, venerating, vaccinating - get vaccinated, folks.

W: Wandering, washing, wriggling.

X: I don’t know if there are any and I can’t bother to look it up.

Y: Yawning, yelling, yearning.

Z: Zipping, ziplining, zapping.

List three...

girl's names you love: Olivia, Mia, Emma.

boy’s names you love: Mason, Jacob, Lucas.

girl’s names you dislike: Karen, and our local versions of Karen, Marites and Marivic.

boy’s names you dislike: Chad, times three.

things you hate about summer things you hate about winter things you hate about spring things you hate about fall things you love about spring things you love about winter things you love about fall things you love about summer Crossing these out because my Southeast Asian ass can’t relate, but if you do decide to take this survey feel free to un-strikethrough them!

things you miss from your past: Having more freedom to make mistakes; not having to worry about the future; and friends I’ve since lost.

people who have really hurt you in the past: Gabie, my mom, Marielle.

names of people you have had crushes on: Gabie, Andi from 5th grade...and that’s it, really.

names of people you have gone on a date with: Only Gabie. And I guess maybe Mike? Since he asked me to go with him to his ball as his date.

places you've been and would love to go again: Sagada, Jeju, Bali.

places you want to visit before you die: Morocco, Spain, Thailand.

items on your bucket list: See Times Square, live in a condo, plan a solo trip.

health conditions you have: Scoliosis, lactose intolerance, and very possible depression.

health conditions you've had in the past but don't anymore: Dehydration, UTI, and some kind of weird low-platelet-count thing that was just that, and never diagnosed as anything.

things you are allergic to: Possibly some types of grass, and maybe face masks. Idk how to confirm it really; I just know my skin gets irritated around them sometimes.

youtube channels you love to watch: Good Mythical Morning; the KBS YouTube channel mainly for clips of Return of Superman and 2 Days 1 Night; and Binging With Babish.

favorite drinks: Water, coffee, Long Island Iced Tea.

favorite foods: Sushi, chicken wings, pizza.

favorite desserts: Cheesecake, MACARONS, cupcakes.

favorite holidays: The only one I care for and get super excited about is my birthday, if that counts. Christmas is fine, but I only get the excitement for it on the actual day itself.

favorite colors: Pastel pink, white, maroon.

people you would like to meet: Ysa and Bea, my teammates at work. I’ve met them only once before, and I wish we can be allowed to report to the workplace physically soon so that I get to see them more often and strengthen my relationship (both working and personal) with them. I’d also love to be able to chat and chill with Hayley Williams even for just 30 seconds.

people you want to meet in Heaven: I don’t believe in that, but I’d love to have met my great-grandfather on my maternal grandfather’s side. Also, Audrey Hepburn and Princess Diana.

good names for a dog or cat: Depends on their personality.

reasons why you get up each morning and keep on living: Because I’ve been able to see myself get better, and why stop all the progress?; because I’d want to be able see if the future will get better; and because I’m afraid of what will happen to/who will look out for my dogs if I’m suddenly gone.

For each name, think of three people you know with that name, and list their occupations.

Amanda: I only know one Amanda, and she’s a friend of my ex’s younger sister. She’s only in senior year of high school. I know an Amandine which is close enough I suppose?? and she’s a dentistry student.

Sarah: She’s a media contact and I’m constantly in touch with; she’s the editor-in-chief of a local magazine. I think she’s the only Sarah I know.

Ashley: Also a media contact. I’m not sure about her title, though.

Beth: @bionic-beth is a teacher! :) But I don’t know any Beths in real life, I think.

Katie: Well I know Kate, and I’ll sometimes playfully call her Katie. She works in a government agency and she’s one of their PR people. The HR person who recruited me to come work at my current employer is a Kate, but I have never and have no plans to call her Katie.

Matt: That’s too foreign-sounding a name where I live.

Emily: Don’t know any Emilys, either.

Chris: Media contacts. They run blogs or news sites of their own.

Mike/Michael: The one Mike I know is currently a med student. Not sure if he’s working on the side - I think he is, since I saw him post about a job update on his Facebook a few months ago; but I can no longer remember what he does, or if he’s still doing it.

Jessica: I went to high school with a girl named Jessica but I don’t follow her on social media, so I have no clue what she’s up to now.

Becca/Bekah: Rita’s sister is a Becca. I think she is currently a grad student.

For each name, think of three people you know, and list one adjective to describe each person. (Skip if you don't know anyone with that name.)

Laura

Michelle: Hilarious.

Victoria: Strong.

Tessa: Friendly.

John

Claire: Influential; motherly.

Briana/Brianna: Bitch.

Vanessa

Brittany/Britney, etc.

Allison/Allie/Ally, etc: Kind. 

Olivia

Jordan

Jo/Joe: Ambitious; pretty.

Corey/Kori

Sophie: Sweet; quiet.

Mitch/Mitchell: Tall.

Madison/Maddie/Maddi

Out of all the people you know or have met, list three...

redheads: Yeah, you’re not going to find them in most of Asia. West Asia and some parts of East Asia, probably, but definitely not for the rest.

tall people: Jo, Chesca, and Shaun.

people with really curly hair: I know Kleo has naturally curly hair from her Aeta roots, but it’s been straightened for a very long time now. I think Chesca also has curly hair, albeit slightly. There is also Liana.

sets of twins: My sister had two sets of twins in her high school batch, but I can no longer remember their names. I also had an English class with a pair of twins named Ardy and Thirdy.

of the cutest babies you've seen on social media: My workmate’s baby. My friend Jar has a super squishy niece/nephew pair of twins as well.

people you miss: Angela, Kate, my grandpa.

people with beautiful eyes: I can only think of my ex.

people with nice hair: God I have not been around people for so long, I can barely think of anyone for this.

people who are the same height as you: Aya, Hannah, Tina.

own one of the same clothing items as you: Angela since we went to the same high school and have several of the same school shirts; Laurice since we share a college org and we have our own trademark polo shirt; and my brother and I have our own pairs of Nike Cortez shoes.

make you laugh: Andi, Hans, and this girl I had a couple of history classes with, Rose.

List three celebrities who...

are the same height as you: Lady Gaga and AJ Lee are the only ones who are coming to mind. I wouldn’t call AJ a celebrity though.

have the same hair color as you: Mila Kunis, Kelly Rowland, Dita Von Teese.

look like you: Only based on comments I’ve gotten in the past and not because I necessarily claim these for myself, Lucy Hale, Anna Akana, and Kakie.

List three....

adjectives to describe you: Timid, stubborn, sensitive.

academic courses you enjoyed: Philippine social history, international relations, anthropology.

words you always forget how to spell: Rhythm, committee, accommodate.

things you wish you were better at: Singing, dancing, drawing.

things you are really good at: Writing, reading people, and knowing the best things to order at most restaurants hahahah.

jobs you'd like to have: Ideally, a lawyer or doctor. But realistically, I’d love to have a leadership position in the PR sphere.

jobs you've considered having: ^ Again, lawyer and doctor. Also a journalist or news anchor, back when I still thought I was passionate about journalism.

jobs you'd hate: Journalist, an LTO clerk, an assistant to an asshole celebrity.

things you miss: Being a student, many parts of the past, and deceased family members.

names your mom considered when naming you: Ariel, Kathleen, Katrina.

things people call you: Robyn, Byn, Bynbyn.

*Bonus*: what is your name? (first and middle)? I always feel like just sharing Robyn.

#survey #surveys

[devintrinidad]

I personally treat every spin-off as canon since the main author always supervise them, without mentioning that all the artists support each other when there’s a special event: Everyone of them needed to create illustrations for the anime announcement of both mangas CAW and BLACK 🤔. I also find funny that if you take the context of Black with main Caw, the liver would also be hostess club (meaning that U-2048 was probably on one of them in chapter 10, lol) 🤣

I was also wondering how you did with CAW BLACK. With that first impression, is it an anime that you would watch or you would skip? Any other opinion on it? 🙂

Regarding CAW, next episode will have together “Acquired Immunity” and “Peyer’s Patch”, kind of an odd choice since both chapters don’t seem to be near each other or have an evident possible transition. Any idea how they would do that? 🤔

~~~

Heya, Emoji! It’s been a while! :D

Hehehe, I don't really have much of an opinion on the spinoffs, but I’m pretty sure Platelets and White are in the same universe. The rest, I think, take place in different bodies? Regardless of the case, I think they each have their own way of contributing to the lore of the cells and how human biology is translated in anime/manga form. 

Hehehe, 2048 in a hostess club... I’m pretty sure I wrote that as part of one of my fics for RBC, Sighted! a few years ago. Who knows, we might get that scene animated, heheh.

As for CAW Black... I read a few chapters of the manga and let me tell you, it’s so bleak and depressing. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to watch it, but after receving this message, I knew that I should give it a chance because I wanted to give you an honest answer. 

And, to be honest, it’s better than I thought it would be.

Right from the get go, there’s a distinct feeling of dread and gloom right from the beginning of the episode. We’re just dropped into this scenario with our main RBC AA-2153 and we have to wonder... what’s going on? Why is everything so dark and grim?

Then, we get a scene that was never fully realized in the original CAW, the induction ceremony, an orientation session, etc. Everything seems to be great and carefree, there was even talk about benefits! 2153 is bright eyed, bushy tailed, and he’s writing things down in his notebook. Considering that I haven’t seen any other RBC with glasses before, I think he’s our resident weak RBC (kind of like how 3803 is clumsy and ditzy... It’s been a while since I’ve read the manga, but I don’t think he has too much trouble, unlike our original main counterpart). 

The thing that really gets me about 2153′s design is that there are a lot of callbacks to 3803. First of all, the hair. There’s that signature curl, signifying innocence and probably a propensity for clumsiness. Then the eyes. While 3803′s eyes are more golden, 2153′s are more of a light brown. Not too bad, but there’s already a comparison to be made here. 3803 is bright, gleaming almost while 2153 seems dully by comparison. When you look at their hair, the differences become even starker. 3803 is an eye catching shade of red while 2153 is stuck with hair that is light brown and generic. When you compare their uniforms, 3803′s is more bright while 2153′s is faded... almost scuffed. 

When you take these differences into account, it’s kind of obvious that this body is not as healthy as the original. 

Furthermore, the buildings, the hallways, the routes... it’s so dank, dark, and depressing. There’s grime and mildew everywhere. There’s a buildup of cholesterol and the arteries have become somewhat clogged. 

If you check the background when you see the route that 2153 is taking, you can see that some RBCs are slumped on the floor, as if they have gave it all they got... and couldn’t move anymore.

There’s also this talk about the “old days”. My guess is the body used to be a healthy individual, but due to lifestyle conditions in the present (perhaps his job has gotten more stressful, a terribly family situation, etc.), everyone has become  jaded. The scene where the Old Man Senpai talks to 2153 about suppressing their emotions... That really scared me. Like, it’s not too creepy, but there’s this sense of unease, like this is the future that 2153 is looking at. He could clearly become his Senpai if the body doesn’t get any better.

The scenes following that, my gosh. The introduction of carbon monoxide... it was creepy and heartbreaking. There was no way to rescue the rest of the RBCs and the fact that the Senpai decided to deliver oxygen to the brain instead of 2153... Geeze, it hurts. It really sends a message to the audience that it doesn’t matter who you are, you either work or you die. There is no in-between.

Now.

My favorite.

The subject of Miss WBC. 

Okay, ummm... I know that Black was meant to cater to a mature audience and to attract guys.. but like. Ugh. I really don’t like fan service. That said, they didn’t jiggle our bounce as I thought they would and the scene where 2153 is very blatantly looking at them was swift and to the point. Hopefully, that scene ifs never repeated. 

Still don’t like the idea that the uniforms don’t protect them even thought they should.

Despite that, I love Miss Neutrophil’s eyes. In stark contrast to 1146, her eyes are very bright and pale. She seems to be very focused and efficient at her job. I absolutely adore her katana. She doesn’t do any fancy tricks with it, she’s just very quick and efficient. I love her already. 

Anyway, a few other things that I would like to address... 

Please, dear lord, give us name tags. In the original CAW, there are name tags on the hats so I can clearly identify the characters. Here... I have to actually remember. There were only two names mentioned, but I already forgot Blondie. Furthermore, I noticed that the anime doesn’t drop everything to explain. They have the characters discuss it via the Senpai talking to 2153. In this way, it kind of mirrors 2153′s first day on the job: no spoon-feeding, coddling, or holding the hand to help you. You’re simply dropped into this new environment and you have to learn along the way.

That’s great storytelling right there. 

Also, the narrator is different. Like, it’s so much more grounded and deep, but I miss the old narrator and how she sounds like an indolent teacher. Here, it sounds like your old college professor who hasn’t gotten tenure yet even thought it’s been years. 

For the big question... Would I watch it? Ummm. Sure, why not? I love learning about the human body, the characters are likable, and the edgy atmosphere really adds to the lore of the CAW-verse. In fact, if you want to have something to aid your understanding of the human body, this one definitely builds on the foundation that was established in the original anime/manga. Of course, there are artistic liberties, but it’s not too bad. 

Also, the bacteria are ten times more terrifying. That’s also a bonus. :D

As for Peyer’s Patch and Acquired Immunity??? Ooof, I remember Peyer’s Patch but Acquired Immunity is a little fuzzy. I remember reading both chapters, but it’s been years. Both chapters are heavily involved with the immune system, but I can’t recall what happened in AI. As for how the anime will mash them up??? It’s all up in the air for me. 

With the way the anime has been adapting the manga, I think we can expect something that will exceed expectations in regards to character development and interactions. 

(I just want more animated scenes with our beloved WBC squad). 

Anywhoozles, we’ll have to wait until next week! I can’t wait!

Thanks for the submission and I hope that you have a wonderful day! :D

#cells at work #hataraku saibou #cells at work code black #cells at work black #caw #devintrinidad author #devintrinidad #devin trinidad author #devin trinidad #emoji anon #anon ask #submission #aa-2153 #aa2153 #2153 #cells at work black analysis #cells at work black thoughts

[littlepurinsesu]

V Watches MagiReco - Episode 8 Review

*Spoilers for Magia Record Anime Episode 8*

Okay, I was not expecting to enjoy this week’s episode as much as I did! :O From the anime’s pattern so far, I was fully expecting a slower episode with less action as they introduced the next main character (in this case Sana), but this episode had a lot of deviations from the game that did a lot of good, in my opinion!

Lots of positive things to say again for this review ^0^ And no, it’s not just because of that Kanagi “cameo” (even though there WILL be at least one paragraph of me screaming about that LOL you have been warned) xD

I think the slower pace of this episode gave us a really good chance to see how the main characters have adjusted and truly integrated themselves into their new lives. We see Iroha starting at her new school, Felicia starting her part-time job at Banbanzai, Tsuruno visiting to deliver bento boxes for Iroha and the two going to school together... so many small details that seem unimportant to the plot but really give us a good picture of the characters’ new lives and relationships. And that’s really important stuff. They seem to have taken a longer time and really drew out the introduction of this new Rumour rather than immediately rushing into the next one, and this gives the main cast some room to breathe and just be themselves, and also gives the audience a sense of some time having passed as well.

It was also really nice to see Rena back! Seems strange to me that Momoko wasn’t with her, but I was starting to worry that Momoko’s team would be forgotten and pushed to the background, so I was quite pleased to see them still popping up every now and then. The episode also gave us some quality Iroha and Rena bonding, which is kind of bittersweet when you consider that both of them either don’t have friends or always find themselves somehow isolated from the crowd. Rena is still a prickly little tsundere, but seeing her waiting for Iroha and giving her more information and talking with her really put a smile on my face :) I really want Rena and Iroha to be able to make more friends, and it’s super cute when the new friends are none other than each other ^^

Also, the thing about Kaede is really interesting. I’m sure this is an anime-original plot point, but I’m wondering how this is going to tie in with Sana’s arc, or any other part of the Main Story. Rena confirms that Kaede hasn’t actually disappeared; she still comes to school, but rushes home immediately after and doesn’t talk or reply to anyone. We also see her at home with all her plants at the beginning (cute!). I’m guessing she’s still traumatised from that Doppel experience and hasn’t figured out what’s going on, so is too afraid of getting close to her friends in fear of hurting them? Whatever they’re planning, I hope it has some relevance to that post-credits scene in episode 5 so we get some closure to what actually happened and the scene won’t seem so “cool but random” lmao.

Alright imma get this out of the way. (Feel free to skip this paragraph if you’re not interested in hearing me gush about my queen.) K A N A G I I Z U M I. If anyone reading this has been following my past MagiReco posts or knows anything about me at all, you’ll know that I’m absolute trash for Kanagi Izumi xD My best girl may be Iroha, but Kanagi is a character I really admire, respect, and adore. Anyway, I saw the official MagiReco Twitter account post about a Kanagi rate-up banner and was hella confused but excited because my queen was not supposed to appear until... at least until Tsuruno is captured by the Magius and Felicia and Sana have returned. So I guess it makes sense that it was in the form of a “mysterious person on the phone” rather than an actual debut, but gosh as soon as I heard her voice I almost lost it AHHHHHHHHHH （♥>ｏ<♥） This eases any fears I had of her being cut from the anime (I would have hunted down the studio if they made that decision LOL); not only is she not gonna be cut, but they gave her a surprise, mysterious, early introduction, too?!?!? YASSSSS (ᗒᗨᗕ)

Yachiyo’s phonecall with Kanagi is a surprising change to make because Kanagi’s presence is really “not very relevant” at this point, but I guess they really wanted to show how big the Wings of Magius' influence is. As Kanagi says, they’ve taken most of the girls from the East by now. I’m wondering what anime-onlys would feel about this scene, since they probably have no idea who Yachiyo is talking to. If anything, it would probably add to the mystery surrounding Yachiyo (which I hope the anime goes into soon). I was a little conflicted at first because I really wanted Yachiyo’s first contact with Kanagi to seem like a “we haven’t spoken in ages but desperate times call for desperate measures” kind of thing, because with this scene, the next time they "openly” contact her won’t have that same impact. But then the more I think about it, the more I think this might actually be for the better. Kanagi’s introduction into the cast won’t feel like such a “random” thing (like, “oh wait, who are you and since when were you so important?”); Yachiyo has been in some degree of contact with her and she was “there" all along. So yeah, a good change in retrospect, and I’m never gonna say no to seeing (or hearing) more of Kanagi so I’m all for this change either way LOL

Okay enough rambling about Kanagi (OTL I’m so sorry). Felicia working at Banbanzai is just SO CUTE!!! She’s like a cute little gangster omg those glares and “HUHHH?!?!?” (I’d be scared too, Iroha) xD I think the character that’s gotten the best portrayal in the anime so far really is Felicia. And also the reveal that the reason for her getting into a fight and being sent to the police station was because she was defending Yachiyo and Iroha? CUTEEE OMG I LOVE THIS CHILD!!! She also has a really good sense of fashion hehe :D

The little snippet in there with Ui, Touka, and Nemu may seem a little out of place, but I was actually quite relieved to see them. Every week the anime is throwing new characters at its viewers, so I was worried that anime-only viewers wouldn’t even remember who Touka and Nemu are when they’re eventually revealed to be the Magius. I think it’s good to keep drilling them into viewers’ minds so as not to lose that “OMGGG” factor when they make their proper debut. Also it’s adorable how Ui throws teddy bears in their faces to stop them from arguing LOLLL

The radio show was a really good way to not only sneak in tiny “cameos” of other girls (I think it was Rika and Kanoko this week), but also give a nice picture of life in Kamihama. There’s a sense that Iroha really is a part of this city now, and it’s such a nice feeling to see everything “falling into place;” we’re no longer in those inconsistent and uncertain “introductory” episodes anymore, even though we still have one more major character to bring in. And the laughter coming from the phone is super creepy--cute, but in a really creepy way. All the illustrations for when they were talking about the Rumours this week were also really, really well-done. I have nothing much to say about them except “sasuga Inucurry” haha xD

I really was expecting Madoka and Homura to appear this week, but I guess we may have to wait a little bit more for that >_< BUT Tsukuyo did appear again in her “civilian” form! Iroha chasing her into that building was also a really nice change the anime made; some things really need to be animated for full impact, and I’m loving these minor changes and how much more they add to the characters and atmosphere! Anyway, Tsukuyo seems a lot more menacing here compared to her dine-and-dash incident in the game lmaooo, and I wasn’t expecting a Witch battle!

Speaking of Witch battle, I think this might be one of my main letdowns with this episode: I just really want to see Iroha fight more. I appreciate that she’s proactive in seeking answers and brave enough to jump into these situations despite knowing that she’s weak, but she hasn’t really contributed much in battles so far except a few Connects and using her Doppel. I want to see my girl Iroha go all-out and kick ass with her arrows!!! But it was nice to see the rest of Team Mikazuki showing up so quickly; there’s a real sense of them being an actual team now, and they’ve always got each other’s backs! It would have been nice if the rest of the team got to fight as well rather than Yachiyo taking all the spotlight, but at least Yachiyo was super cool haha (as usual). But the battle clearly isn’t the point of this episode, so I won’t pick on it too much :)

By the way, that Mami appearance was super random. When I saw the ribbons and flowers, I almost thought she was going to appear as Holy Mami for a second. At least we know she hasn’t lost her head just yet ;) The appearance was random, but from what they offered, at least we know that Mami is still either in Kamihama or coming to Kamihama regularly to investigate, and while she was suspicious of Iroha in the past, she went out of her way to help her this time, which was a nice touch.

Anyway, now that Iroha has finally replied to the mysterious messages, we might really get to meet Sana (and Ai-chan) next time! Maybe Madoka and Homura, too! But yeah, this episode is a prime example of one where not much seems to happen, but a lot actually does happen and there’s plenty to pull apart and discuss when you really think back on it. Clearly Kanagi took half my attention and feels this week, but I’m definitely having lots of warm and fuzzies seeing Team Mikazuki doing normal, everyday things together. Seeing Felicia added to the OP was expected but still a treat (the way she bobs around on the spot is SO CUTE!), and I can’t wait for the family to finally be fully formed!

(Also, Yachiyo looks gorgeous in anything she wears, seriously.)

#magia record #magireco #puella magi madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica side story #pmmm #fandom #mine #anime #review #magia record review #v watches magireco

[animepreferences]

P R E F E R E N C E # 3 - D R U N K S H E N A N I G A N S

A K U T A G A W A

“If you ever return her to me in less than perfect condition again...Well, Y/N, wouldn’t really appreciate me finishing that statement. Just don’t let it happen again. Understood?” The seriousness that his face illustrated was even more frightening than the inflection in his voice. The two friends nodded in agreement, unable to muster up the words and courage to apologize again. Furthermore, they thought it might be better to not say anything at all at this point. Which is why after a few awkward seconds they began to back away slowly before scurrying down the porch, almost tripping over each other to get back in their car. Aku could hardly hide his chuckle as he turned to enter the house where he could hear you fumbling around in the kitchen. “Now, what am I supposed to do with you?” He muttered to himself, amusement flitting to his face. “I’m so hungry.” You pouted, arms crossed, lip jutted out. “Did your mean friends not even feed you?” Aku inquired, beginning to pull out a pan and fill it with water. “No. They took me straight home. They knew you’d probably be mad and they didn’t want to make matters worse by getting me home later. I think they’re frightened by you.” Akutagawa couldn’t help but to smirk at this, turning the heat on the stove as he began to prepare your very late dinner. “Smart friends. How does ramen sound? The carbs will be good for you, soak up some of that alcohol.” Aku explained, biting his lip to avoid the smile that was fighting it’s way through. You had curled yourself around his backside, your arms wrapping tight around his waist. He could feel your warm cheek pressing to his shoulder blade, your hot breath sending internal shivers down his spine. He was so thankful you couldn’t hear his thoughts, let alone see his face; he was completely smitten by you and it was particularly hard to control when you were acting like this. “Mmmm. Sounds good. Though, Aku, would you mind giving me a kiss first please?” He rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. Sober Y/N was never this forward. “Of course,” Turning around to embrace you in a tight hug, he leaned down and brushed his lips against yours, electricity shooting all over his body in an invigorating frenzy. Your hands found their way to knot in his hair, his hands slipping to your lower back. Unlike most of your kisses that were typically very controlled and romantic, this one was wild and unpredictable. He almost let out a moan when you bit down on his lip, granting entrance for his tongue, your hand trailing down his chest slowly...“That’s enough for now.” Aku breathed, trying to recover from the whirlwind his head was currently in. “Woah,” you agreed, almost losing your footing as you stumbled backward. Aku was just in time to catch you in his arms, steadying you before leading you to a bar stool, forcing you to sit and rest. As he cooked your food, he couldn’t help but to thank the lucky stars that he could do this; that he could take care of you and be a good partner. It was a great feeling for him, being able to do this, knowing that he could be there for you when you needed. That is until he looked up and noticed you had already passed out there, head slumped in your arms. “You drunk little fox,” were his last words before draping a blanket over your shoulders while he finished cooking.

-

D A Z A I

“Careful, my love.” Dazai chided softly, his arms reaching to steady you after he threw an oversize t-shirt on the bed for you, as you fumbled to get your heels off. “Allow me,” He smiled politely, lifting you gracefully so that you were sitting promptly on the bed now. You both had just gotten home from a celebration party with the agency and you had ingested one too many glasses of champagne. “There you go,” He sighed, chucking your shoes behind him before massaging your swollen ankles. He never really understood why you wore such poor choices in shoes when they hurt you the way they did, but he couldn’t deny how irresistible your legs looked when you wore them. Then again, you looked irresistible all of the time to him. “Dazaiiiiiiiii, help!” you whined, scratching at your back trying to unzip your own dress. It took Dazai a moment to pick up on your endeavors, the soft kisses he was peppering on your ankles halting. “Of course, yes.” Dazai obliged, scurrying from the ground to join you on the bed. Slowly unzipping the back of your dress, Dazai tried his best to be a perfect gentlemen, failing miserably as he took in your nude back, clad in only your matching bra and panty set, lust twinkling in his eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat, letting out an exhale as he stared at the ceiling desperately trying to distract himself. ‘She’s drunk, she’s drunk, she’s drunk’, Dazai chanted to himself internally, trying his best not to touch what he so badly wanted to. “Much better.” You stated, standing to your feet, allowing the dress to drop around your ankles, leaving you nude right before his eyes. “Yes, indeed.” He bit his lip, his brain clouded when you walked over to him on the bed and straddled him. Fingers running through his shaggy locks, you leaned in and began to kiss him on the mouth with vehemence and passion. Dazai was shocked at your newfound confident nature, but wasn’t about to argue it as he reciprocated with the same fire and energy. Arms wrapping around your waist, he pulled you even closer deepening the kiss as he slipped his tongue in your mouth while you were attempting to catch your own breath. Untangling your fingers from his hair, your hands reached to unclaspe your bra clumsily. That’s when it all clicked for him. His head had been so full of excitement, that it took him a quick second to remember what was really happening. He could taste the alcohol on your breath, see the disconnect in your eyes; you weren’t all there. This was wrong. “Belladonna, I love you and I typically love when you try to undress yourself, but this isn’t right. You’re not all here at the moment unfortunately and I can’t in good concience do anything with you without your full, sober consent.” He spoke slowly so you would understand, but you only let out a huge puff of unsastisfied air in response. “This is me giving you my consent,” You leaned in for a kiss, but Dazai intercepted kissing your forehead instead, forcing your arms up as he tugged the oversized t-shirt over your head. “Y/N. You know we can’t.” Dazai reasoned, pulling the covers back as he pat the open space beside him. “But I can hold you until you fall asleep? How does that sound?” His words were like melting honey. How could you deny that even if you were drunk? You were never one to turn down Dazai cuddles. Collapsing against his chest, you let out a small ‘hmph’ in a disatisfied pout, trying to ignore how good his arms felt around your body. “I know I’m no fun, but I love you very much.” He said after a moment. You had attempted to say it back, but the drunkness was already taking over and you were already growing very tired. He laughed at your attempt nonetheless and smoothed your hair back lovingly. “You sure are a riot when you drink.” Were his last words before allowing him to fall asleep with you happily in his arms.

-

C H U U Y A

You had gone completely silent. Chuuya thought you had simply fallen asleep because typically car rides did that for you when you were drunk. Furthermore, he didn’t think much of it. That is until he heard the sniffling. And the fidgeting. And the ragged breathing. “Y/F/N.” He would say calmly, sneaking a glance over your way. He could already tell just by looking at you that you were trying to hide your face from him. You were an emotional drunk and you were definitely crying. “Y/N. Look at me,” He would demand, grabbing your hand in his and kissing your knuckles gently. Chuuya had witnessed this on so many occasions that he had grown desensitized to your overdramatic actions while under the influence. In fact, it was one of his favorite things to talk and joke about the next day because he knew it was simply just the alcohol taking its toll. That didn’t mean, however, he still wasn’t going to bust his ass to at least try and cheer you up. Your smile was priceless to him after all. “Baby, why are you crying?” He would sigh as you finally peaked at him through your hair. “Because I just-I just-I just love you so much, Chuuya!” You would gasp in between hysterical sobs, your crying becoming progressively louder as you threw your fists over your eyes. “You don’t even know how hot you are, it’s awful. I just want to kiss your stupid face all of the time.” You wailed miserably. Chuuya was quiet for a moment and then suddenly he broke out into a loud guffaw. Were you seriously crying over how much you loved him? And how hot you thought he was? Oh, how he was going to LOVE to remind you of this in the morning. Mortified wouldn’t even begin to touch on it. “And now you’re-you’re laughing at me! Do you not love me back anymore? That would suck a lot.” This made him laugh even harder, though he was making a genuine effort to calm down to comfort you even if you were being ridiculous. “My sweet, silly, beautiful girl. If only you knew how much I really loved you. Words cannot even begin to make a dent on the love I have for your very drunken self.” The car came to a halt as he pulled up to your shared apartment, turning to look at you with complete sincerity. “Why are you laughing then?” You would ask timidly, your tears now drying against your puffy cheeks. “Because It’s funny to me that you would even have to consider asking me if I still love you. I will always love you till my last breath and so on. Of course, I love you. I’ll scream it and wake up the entire neighbor hood if you want me to,” He offered opening his car door and slamming it before coming to the passenger side to get you. When you didn’t budge, he cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Well, aren’t you going to tell the neighbors?” He rolled his eyes, lifting up your unwiling body as he kicked the door shut with his foot. Oh, how he loved his very stubborn girlfriend. “I really do love you Y/N. More than I’ve ever loved anything in my life.” He soothed you, kissing the space in between your eyes as he walked you through the threshold of your apartment. “I love you Chuuya.”

#bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs imagine #bungo stray dogs fanfic #bungo stray dogs fanfiction #chuuya bsd #bsd anime #bsd manga #bungou stray dogs blurb #bungou stray dogs imagine #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs headcannon #bungou stray dogs preferences #chuuya x reader #chuuya imagine #chuuya one shot #dazai #bsd dazai #dazai imagine #dazai x reader #dazai one shot

[histrionic-dragon]

Hi! Do you have any fic recs for post catfa steve adjusting to his new life? preferably long and not rated E/not smutty? thank u!!!!

Oooh, I LOVE this stuff!

Not all of these are long, alas, but I hope you enjoy them.

     Slow Work  by   lorata

                     Summary:            

 It's 2011, men are allowed to marry, and Bucky is dead.

The future isn't all that's strange. Together in peacetime for the first time since before Steve took the serum, Steve and Bucky struggle to find their place -- and each other -- in the middle of a new millennium, new bodies, and new dynamics.

Or, just because you wake up in a century where everything you've repressed is magically okay, that doesn't make it easy.

This one is long! I have read this a few times, but I don’t remember if there’s explicit sex or not--certainly what I remember is the slow and gradual adjustment that both Steve and Bucky go through. It’s very good.

The Way to a Man's Heart      by                    Niitza, whatthefoucault

It started with shawarma.

-

 A story about food, memory, and how Steve Rogers carved out a place for himself in the 21st century.

So freaking good. Definitely read this one.

     A Glossary of the 21st Century    

kinky_kneazle

                     Summary:            

Steve's sick of not understanding what's going on, and the team are not all that helpful, so he starts keeping an illustrated notebook for further research. With the help of wiki, google and Logan he starts to settle in and find his place in the twenty-first century.

This, I believe, is pretty much exactly what you asked for.

A Partial Dictionary Of The 21st Century By Captain Steve Rogers, US Army      by                    copperbadge

Steve is adapting well to the new millennium, and he has the dictionary to prove it.

Similar to previous.

History Lessons      by         MemoryDragon

Steve hates modern television shows and history. Tony is determined to remedy both of those, provided they can survive each other. 

Second story in the series is Steve/Tony, but this one is 100% Steve Adapting and Bonding With People. Lots of good TV/movie recs, too.

     Homefront    

copperbadge

                     Summary:            

Steve Rogers is a capable leader, a kind and cheerful man, a good friend, a strong role model, and a loyal soldier. He's also teetering on the edge of suicide.

Held Together by Spiderwebs      by           TunaFishChris

Steve is not coping well in the twenty-first century. At all. Three months after the Chitauri invasion, he decides he's had enough.

But just as he's about to end it all, he runs into the new hero in town.

Steve, Peter, team, adapting/bonding fic.

     Fool For Sacrifice      by                    girlbookwrm       

 Captain America is all about sacrifice. Property of the US Army, sure. Steve signed that contract. He’s willing to make sacrifices. He just didn’t think it would be like this.

AKA Cap’s Ode to Self-Destructive Tendencies.

Contents: One (1) Sadsack Steve Rogers: Bisexual Disaster. One (1) ex-Soviet Assassin who is Not Bucky Barnes and one (1) Smooth AF Veteran who is Also Not Bucky Barnes. They channel the slumbering, icy spirit of Bucky Barnes by shouting “STEVE NO” a lot, and Steve continues to cause heart palpitations through strategic use of biceps and the phrase “STEVE YES.”

Not just about Steve adapting to the 21st century, but that’s a lot of it.

       Source Code    

Closer

                     Summary:            

Steve finds himself in the unenviable position of having to either prove he's himself or listen to the news media continue to speculate that he's a robot, a clone, or a lunatic.

More an extended snapshot of a particular way Steve settles into the 21st century: dealing with public perception.

     Even Gods Do    

Cluegirl

                     Summary:            

Captain America doesn't have a good relationship with sleep anymore.  Also, he's not a toy.

Settling into the Avengers, if not the entire century....

~~~~~~~~

Close-enough fics:

     hey, remember that time when    

pollyrepeat

                     Summary:            

In which Cap makes new friends, becomes an accidental Internet troll, swaps a lot of stories, and gives Bucky Barnes a hug.

Possibly more a finding-Bucky fic than a settling-in fic, but it’s about the Internet friends he makes early on and how they help, so it fits.

Flag On The Play      by                    copperbadge

Steve is haunted by a phantom pain he can't explain, and isn't sure how to ask for help. Fortunately, Tony is pretty sure he knows what's wrong, and how to sell the Avengers on fixing it.

Steve needs hugs. Steve gets hugs. That’s the fic.

     hold me until we crumble    

queenklu

                     Summary:            

 “Sam told me you were watching Antiques Roadshow,” Natasha says, shaking out her hair. “I assumed it was a national emergency.”

Another sort-of fit....

The Real Thing      by           Speranza                  

Tony talks dirty.  Steve gets a nosebleed.  This is not a Stony story.

This is like....very initial adapting. Not a slow, gradual settling-in, but going from “everything is overwhelming and I’m all alone” to having some kind of foothold. And yeah, not a Stony story; instead, it explores the complicated family history element to Steve as far as Tony’s concerned, and does it really well.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5702182  <--a fanvid! Really good.

~~~~~~

I feel like most slow-burn Stony also fits this request, so:

    It Will Probably Accelerate    

northatlantic (breakthecitysky)

                     Summary:            

So the working title of this was variously 'mixtape,' 'how steve rogers got his groove back' and 'oh my god quit thinking of things to add.'  Steve's perspective of the assembly of the Avengers after the dust has settled and the rebuilding begins.

Title from Bob Mould's Circles, which is, was and ever shall be The Steve Song in my head.

     (First Impressions Are) A Work in Progress    

ras_elased

                     Summary:            

Tony has a point system for the times he can get Steve to be less than perfect.

Tony POV! Tony not realizing Steve is being uptight because he is MISERABLE and things gradually getting better! Yay! (Yay? Eventually yay.)

     No Going Back (Build Me a Home)    

sirsable

                     Summary:            

Steve Rogers seems to be taking living in this century really well... Until he's not.

Very sweet.

[md3artjournal]

Confidence still fragile, but maybe ready to add more practices to my every day?  Writing practice?  I just hope my paranoid depression is wrong.  

12:24 AM 9/21/2020 I forgot to write about this earlier.

Earlier this month, I had an epiphany while watching a YouTuber who said that you don't need this or that, to be a writer; you just have to write.  And what astounded me was that one of the unnecessary criteria for writer in that list was "reading a lot".  I used to be a complete bookworm and write a lot of narratives on top of my journalling.  But after high school, I got fed up with reading and swore off novels.  Sure, I switched to comic books and manga, but I also read a whole lot of fanfic, and I think that fanfic reading really fuelled my writing of stories.  I had a community and I was exposed to a lot of narrative prose styles.  So when I left even that regular reading, I thought "That's it; I don't have the experience and skills anymore to be a writer.  And all my essay and journal writing doesn't count when I say Writing."  

But maybe I should return to Writing. For the longest time, I've been so lacking in confidence, that I can't even go find a job, let alone open commissions.  All because I dont' believe I"m good at anything.  And my illustration/art blatantly proves that my art isn't good enough to get me jobs.  But it's what I studied in school.  And school made me too suicidally depressed to return for more.  The only reason I survived the first time was because I promised myself that I'd never have to return to anything like it ever again.  So if that first degree in art didn't yield me any employable skills, enough to overcome my unconfidence, depression, and paranoid low self esteem view of myself, then I've got nothing.  But eveyrone continues to say that I'm good at writing.  I havne't written stories/narratives in forever, and certainly not on a regular basis like I used to.  And I've forgotten writing styles.  So I didn't believe it.  But maybe I should try writing again.  After all, writing is what I've ALWAYS done, ever since I could remember, even before I became a bookworm, and if essays/journaling counts, then even after I stopped bookworming.  And I can't say I've stoped thinking like a writer.  I'm still gathering information and looking at everything like fodder for my imagination.  I used to say, even during tough times in my life, that at least I could use it for my writing.  But now that I stopped identifying as a writer, I've started thinking "I could use this for my imaginary landscapes and daydreams, my imagination".  But maybe I never really left being a writer.  ;u;?  

Maybe I should add writing to my daily art practices.  Yeah.  I"ll try to write 10min everyday, like suggested by STart With This podcast's challenge.  10min or a minimum of 3 paragraphs, whichever comes first.  I just don't want to write a bunch of word-count-chasing empty trash like my first NaNoWriMo.  I want to write like I used to craft fanfics in college.  

I'm just so glad to know that I can still be a writer, even if I'm not avidly reading novels all the time anymore.  Because I really got burned-out from novels an I don't really want to return.  Though, knowing me, if I really get back into writing, then I may return to novel reading because I want to.  Hell, I've felt that way this past month, remembering the Ann McCaffery books I used to read and suddenly feeling like re-reading that Tamora Pierce book I have lying around.  Maybe I can de-couple the trauma from that burn-out; after all, the English teacher who incurred that burn-out is dead.  I know it's morbid, but---I don't care because I've always had a serial killer's sense of humor---it's really comforting to me, whenever I remember a traumatic memory (which is fucking often) but I can realize that by this age, all those people involved are already dead.  So why attach reading to the trauma that that old English teach gave me?  She's dead!  I'm free!  Reading can be whatever attachment _I_ want to give it now!  Pffftttttttt!!!!!!!!!!  

My only worry now is that being in such a good place mentally/emotionally, that I can feel motivated to and attempt to add more daily practices to better myself (whether drawing, exercise, singing, etc.), usually immediately preceedes some kind of attack from my mom that will stun my Growth.  And instead of finally having the tentative confidence to try to do more with my day, Ii'll be hiding in bed for a week, crying, afraid to leave my room, leave my bed, while trying to recover from whatever trauma her emotional attacks gave me.  -.-;;;;  This seems to happen a lot, that this current apprehension tonight was reflexsive.  Ugh. After all, today I was already hiding in my room and avoiding her, because someone else sest her off and she does have a tendency to take out her anger on anyone around.  I can only hope that thsi reflexsive intuition is just paranoia from my usual depression.  I'll just try to lay low, just in case, but act normal enough to take on these new daily practices to try to improve myself.  

I need to write 10min, draw from real life references, draw my monthly challenge, watch anime, maybe play a videogame, and hopefully read manga.  I've finally started to get into the habit of watching anime daily again, thankfully.  And I think I'm close to sketching from real life references everyday, after today being the first time breaking a 2-day streak of that.  So if I can just add writing and maybe read some manga before bed tonight, maybe I can finally do more things to improve myself.  Maybe I can even wake up earlier to get more things done.  Maybe the notion of getting more things can motivate me to get up earlier tomorrow?  *O*!?  Yeah, I'll read some manga, go to sleep, practice writing tomorrow on top of the other daily practices, and maybe setup my new game console or at least play some Guilty Gear.  Fighting games was a big part of my life an helped me practice fighting spirit and handling my emotion; I really want to return to playing every day too.  

#practice #writing #self improvement #daily practices #growth #progression #paranoia #depression #anxiety #daily drawing practice #unconfident

[archieism]

Sea Lion + Archie omg please please please

list en . songs that fit characters even slightly make me go CRAZY

the sad reckless energy of sea lion…. the absent mother lyrics…... (look what i did, ma / look what i did to my hands, i broke ‘em / you gave me the stone, gave me the chisel / didn’t say how to hold ‘em) the imagery of hands and mental spiraling….. the themes of selflessness and giving and giving until you deplete yourself and trying even then at your own expense……. (didn’t say to give away every piece of the puzzle / till i was left with nothin’ / but i took it upon myself to crush it up / and distribute the dust)

the rampant recklessness of trying to prove yourself....... (i’ll take him out for some gasoline / trade this cow for some magic beans / gonna make mom proud of the deals that i made / ‘cause i’m just a modern day johnny appleseed) the few lines alluding to using sexual encounters as coping mechanisms…. (no, i know no one said it was gonna be easy / but sweet jesus who wants to sleep with me? too many moves to learn / not enough people to put ‘em on) there’s literally a line about ‘cryptic gang men’ imdkvs hello (brains and bloods and cryptic gang men/ tzars and warlords breaking bread) and a few musical references, one piano-leaning technically, but more actually singing-related…..

the end of the last verse tapering off to a tentative hope and resolve…. (but i sing a different song / of how the wheres and whys of now all prove i don’t belong / but i’m staying / i’ve planted seeds and plan to watch them grow) paralleling archie’s s4 arc with the community center and sudden dedication to riverdale as a town despite all the ways in which it’s hurt him, to honor his dad’s legacy……

(the rest under a cut bc it be like that sometimes)

i’m DEVASTATED. the song literally starts out with an audio clip that says ‘a healthy distrust’ which makes me go insane as a general theme because apparently(?) some sea lion mothers leave their young if they can’t get enough food for themselves or something, which isn’t that bizarre, but they’re also prone to being a bit sensitive to disturbances from their resting spots (psa not to bug seals if u see them on beaches), not coming back from feeding offshore and abandoning their pups if need be. and while i don’t think mary’s a bad person at ALL or that she’s even a bad mother, but you could say she’s not a bad mother because she hasn’t really been a mother at all. but due to her being a generally cool person, i forget that absent parental roles (whether it’s just one or both) can really fuck you up in your developmental years.

and from season 1 episode 1 to the present, we see adults time and time again take advantage of and / or manipulate archie, often twisting his goodness specifically to their gain at the expense of himself. and yet despite this, archie actually seems to continue to just blindly trust adults around him if they seem relatively harmless at first, or even just harmless to him or his loved ones?? he’s starting to be a little wary now that season 4′s rolled around with like frank or whatever, but he’s still very open and forgiving, even when he tries to put his foot down every now and again. but it’s super fascinating to me that this is the case, as you’d expect his trust in any adult figures to be virtually demolished at this point, whether it be by active harm to him / those around him, or passive non-action that leaves people hurt / him feeling like he’s the only one that will actually do anything to help anyone. yet he continues to trust, despite a little healthy distrust being pretty appropriate if not encouraged at this point in his life. 

the entire vibe of this song to me is fending for yourself. which is the definition of most of the kids on riverdale, but the combination of symbolism specifically (music/singing/broken hands/absent mother/dead father/the reckless selflessness that almost feels more like a desperate attempt to prove one’s self worthy of importance) feels more on brand for archie than any of the others to me. and that illustration of not really knowing what to do with yourself because you were never taught how, at least not pertaining to what life ended up throwing at you (sometimes literally just because the things you end up needing to learn could never have been anticipated by your parents, especially in archie’s case), so you’re just gonna try everything even if it kills you is so BEAUTIFULLY portrayed, so lyrically fluent and succinct, i’m just . going thru it . and the closing lines of resolving to work with what you have to help make the world a better place, even if it’s mostly guesswork that’s gotten you this far. how you’re gonna make the best of what’s happened, what you couldn’t control, and people are gonna do what they do and probably accidentally make things worse, but you and your life and your actions have a complicated elegance to them now that almost feels like only you can understand as a result, but you’re still moving at all and it doesn’t feel like you’re killing yourself to do it anymore and that’s what matters, even if only you can truly know how hard you’ve worked just to do that.

(i’ve decided i’ve been invited to my own resort / where knights can leave their armor neatly piled by the door / and every woman, child, and man will gather by the shore / and study how sea lions swim in cursive)

idk i just think it fits archie in all the right places and i think it’s rly neat.

#anonymous #answered #long post for ts #this got out of hand #listen u enabled me i went for it #i want a fmv so badly...........where can i buy some TALENT #i could TRY to make one of those lyrics + screencaps things yet i wouldn't know where to start to do that i'm rly that dumb huh #why do i even have a brain what is the POINT #but this song...........it fits a lot of my faves but it's archie on the mind hours #also me? projecting familial issues on archie? it's likely sisters! #i probably have a mix of archie and jug's parent issues but like #archie's almost feels like a weird non-opposite but opposite subverted version of my parental issues so it's free real estate #an actual trying their best parent who was there for u but also kinda accidentally installed a more harmful brand of selfless love 4 others #aka fred #and an absent parent who u still love but like their absence rly fucked up ur familiarity with that gender itself or just + #+ fucked up ur entire family dynamic bc suddenly a dynamic that ideally runs on two adults leveling with and helping each other is reduced #+ to just one and now ur either parentified by the parent or take it upon urself to do so in order to compensate for that hole in the famil #+ and it just fucks up ur sense of identity and even worth and is all around almost covertly fucking u up in tiny but THOROUGH ways...... #ANYWAYS #aka mary #half of that is headcanons but it's also statistically common so #idk the song fucks me up archie fucks me up it's a fun fun time #this entire monstrosity of a post is a prime example of my coping mechanisms spelled out we love to see it #but also???? thank u so much for the ask?? i love any opportunity to analyse archie and it's just a bonus if i get to rant abt music too #ur an angel & i love u #meta #i guess?? #archie andrews #riverdale #mine