#im normal i swear (lying through my teeth)

[egg-on-a-legg]

rotates him in the microwave like he deserves

rotates him

#sto #star trek online #sorry this is incomprehensible im very tired an i mjust ouuuuughhh #so many good characters in sto and my brain latches onto this asshole #i have him in my bridge crew #hes aygirs second in command. they go out for coffee and bitch about work whenever they get shore leave #im normal i swear (lying through my teeth)

[so0ppa]

Semi follow up from stuff i said in my live... blogging? reaction, i guess, to the new twa episode: the way Luke actually finds out about Greed being basically a god-to-be and just your average corrupt politician is that she turned on the tv one day for bg noise and heard IG say something, but they didn't recognise xem for xyr voice (despite the fact that they are a vampire with much better than avrg hearing), no, it was because he said something he'd very likely just say in a normal convo between the two. :3

#critxt #criterrible #crityume #bloodmoney🩸💵 #guys i swear im normal.. (lying through my teeth) #oh and Greed never finds out about Lukes vampirism. ever. unless i go back on this decision for some reason. or like in an au/timeline orwt #s/i leek🦇 #f/o green👑

[kirkwallsquad]

LOVE it when i get to academically dunk on the patriarchy

#ask me abt comphet im normal abt it i swear (lying through my teeth) #max.txt

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Im still thinking about Crowlien and Androidziraphale. What about something where Aziraphale talks through his feelings about not being a real boy with/to Crowley?

I'm still thinking about them too, and pretty much what came before them being Crowlien and Androidziraphale (if you have any more ideas, throw them my way, I am loving this au!).

Here we go, some angst and comfort!

Warning: as normal, mentioned body horror, mild anxiety attack, is it body dysphoria for an android if he had spent his whole existence truly believing he was human?

On with the fic!

--

It had been an accident, really, that started the emotional ball rolling.

Sometimes Aziraphale forgets that he needs to take care of himself better. Yes, he is of a very advance kind of android, enough that he really fooled everyone for so long, including himself, but that didn't mean he couldn't be harmed or damaged.

He had been trying to repair where he had missed some torn metal on the ship, and, without gloves on, had cut open his palm. Crowley had panicked and worried over him as they watched Aziraphale repair the damage in the repair lab. At this point, Aziraphale was becoming desensitized to his reality, which was terrifying to think about.

"There we go, all sealed up and nothing damaged." Aziraphale gave his companion a tired smile, wiggling his fingers. This did not seem to put Crowley's worries at ease, a low hiss coming from their clenched teeth.

Aziraphale reached out with a cloth, cleaning at the drool that came from the hissing. "Now, now, it's nothing to worry about. I'm fine. Really."

No, he wasn't. And Crowley knew this, Crowley always knew when he was lying, hiding things.

"It's not that bad, Crowley. I mean, let's face it, it's nothing compared to your... current condition."

Crowley growled, but not at the comment of their form. No, they growled because Aziraphale was avoiding the issue at hand.

Aziraphale squirmed, his hands wringing the cloth. "What do you want me to say, Crowley? That I hate the fact that I'm not human? That I never was human? Because that's-! That's...!"

He heard the sounds of threads snapping, and he looked to see that he had started to tear the rag. He dropped it, then looked at his hands. They looked so real, so very real, pores and hairs, even what had to be veins.

But they weren't real, of course not. The small, melted lines along the 'skin' were clear indications of that. Even the remaining dry spots of 'blood' on his palms showed that he wasn't human.

"That's true." Aziraphale said, his voice quiet. "I hate... I hate not being who I thought I was. I'm not a human, I've never been, this is the body of a machine that was meant to play pretend."

"I can feel, I can talk and walk, I can touch and taste and smell, I can do so many things humans can. But under it all, I can't ignore it. When it's too quiet, I swear I can hear things inside of my body, no heartbeat, but machine parts moving."

He was toying with the ring on his finger now, why did he even have this thing? He believed it was a family heirloom for so long, but now he doubted that it was anything more than just some cheap metal used to play a part in the fake story he had been part of.

Aziraphale didn't have the heart to remove it though, it was a comfort, a bit of pretend he held onto. "I thought... for so long that maybe I was just a little different, with who I am. I didn't age like other people, of course not, obviously. But I thought it was because I was one of good genes, or some sort of thing from the medicine I took. Which... turns out that wasn't the case, it just altered my files so I continued to believe a lie."

Crowley was quiet, letting him continue talking. "I didn't think anything was wrong, not really. But... I mean, thinking back on it all, it explained why the higher ups never liked me much, or spoke to me so differently from the rest of you. I think the engineers on some of the missions we did knew, but couldn't say a thing. But you never said anything either, did you know?"

He looked up at Crowley who shook their head, it was weird to see them do something so human. "Of course not." Aziraphale smiled ruefully. "You were shocked to learn the truth. So was I, when I saw the white blood. I... I tried to deny it for days, even after repairing myself, even seeing the inside of my own leg and seeing metal instead of flesh and bone.

And then after, gosh, maybe a week? I looked into the files, looked into all the things Gabriel had hidden away. I found everything, my mission, my reason for being on this stupid, fucking ship!"

He slammed his hands on the table, rattling the contents of it as he tried to control his breathing. "I was so angry and upset and just... betrayed! Maybe it would have been better if I had known from the start, then I wouldn't be suffering from living like this!"

He stood up suddenly, his hands in his hair. "I'm... I'm Aziraphale Fell, chief medical officer for H&H Inc! I've never been anything other than that! I was human, I am human...! I can't be anything else, I can't be..."

He hadn't noticed Crowley moving, not until he felt thin arms around him, too-big hands carefully holding him, pulling him close to a prominent rib cage. He could smell skin, the faint scent of body wash from their shower the other day. He could hear an off-beat heart and the low clicking and growling of the creature holding him.

He was breathing hard against Crowley, staring off at the wall, his vision slightly obscured by red hair that formed a curtain around him. Then he felt something wet and hard pressed to his head, hot, moist air against his hair and skin.

Aziraphale swallowed hard, his shaking arms wrapped around Crowley's body as he rubbed at their back, feeling their ribs under his fingers. He remembered this was a similar thing when Crowley had been human, had always been too thin...

"Fuck." He whispered. "I'm so sorry, darling. You're suffering too."

The hold around him tightened, there was a gurgling growl. It was as if Crowley was trying to tell him that their current predicament wasn't more important than Aziraphale learning that he was an android. That was how Crowley always was, putting Aziraphale and his problems before their own, and oddly enough, Aziraphale found comfort in that fact.

Despite everything, this was still Crowley.

Even with his new mindset, did that mean that android or not, was he still Aziraphale?

He hoped so, he needed to be, he couldn't be anyone else.

--

Crowlien, even with a scrambled brain, knows when their angel is upset and they need to fix that. Also, them not having lips makes kisses very hard, in more ways than one. Aziraphale won't mind.

I figured that Aziraphale's been around for a number of years, probably a decade or so, and had been living in the dark for that long. His 'medicine' is probably just nano bots doing repairs and editing to his mind, to keep him oblivious (I have no idea how someone like Aziraphale could go so long without realizing he was an android without an outside force haha).

#john's drabbles #good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley #crowlien au

[mercurysstars]

All That Glitters Is Not Gold (part 6)

Summary: Y/n gets hired to be the avengers chief physician and also happens to be an ex assassin.

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: swearing, the reader getting angry, violence. 

A/N: hope you’re having a better day than Y/n ;)

𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦

𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥

𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨?

_

Y/n's stomach grumbled as she made her way toward the kitchen. Between getting her room organized and training with Peter for 2 hours she didn't get a chance to eat and it was really catching up with her now. She groaned rubbing her face while she yanked the refrigerator door opened. After searching for several minutes she decided to give up and make a sandwich.

Y/n grabbed the bread and a plate out of a cupboard, she returned to the fridge and pulled out meat, cheese, lettuce, and just as she was about to grab a tomato her phone rang. Without checking the caller ID, Y/n answered, balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder. "Y/n Y/l/n speaking."

"Hey, doc it's Matt we've got kinda a situation here." Matt hesitated, Y/n could hear muffled yelling in the background.

"Okay? What's up?" She was confused it wasn't like him to call out of the blue and it was especially weird for him to not sound sure of himself, he was a lawyer, and lawyers always put on a confident front even if they weren't. Y/n began to cut the tomato into thin slices.

"So I kinda have one of his men tied to a chair in my living room." He blurted out quickly.

Well, that was unexpected "Are you sure it's one of his?" She asked cautiously.

"Yeah I checked, he has the branding. I normally would have just questioned him and texted you but the thing is he only speaks Latin."

She sighed, all Y/n wanted to do was eat 5 sandwiches, snuggle up in her comfortable bed and binge-watch the umbrella academy "Alright put him on the phone."

Y/n heard what sounded like the phone getting set down and the floorboard squeaking under Matt's weight. She heard a bit of wrestling and the sound of tape getting ripped off of something. She heard a quick shuffling and Matt picked the phone back up "Here he is."

"Sumus iens ut satus off facile. cur in New York." She questioned. Y/n started to make her sandwich again. We are going to start off easy. Why are you in New York?

"Im 'non adnuntiant vobis cacas." He hissed. This man was definitely one of his. Y/n rolled her eyes not in the mood for this. I'm not telling you shit.

"Iniuriam. Te volo experior quod iterum?" She purred. Wrong. You want to try that again?

At that moment Bucky decided to wander into the kitchen he heard someone speaking Latin and his curiosity got the better of him. He saw Y/n leaning against the counter talking to someone on the phone. Her eyes snapped up to meet his 'You want one' she mouthed to him nodding toward her sandwich. He shook his head and she shrugged.

The muffled talking through the phone caused an angry tick to Y/n's jaw "Pone super daredevil." She gritted out through clenched teeth. Put daredevil back on.

Y/n had to take a moment to collect herself before she threw something at the wall "Hey I'll be there in a bit." She hung up and when she turned back to Bucky her face softened.

He didn't know what to say, he's never seen someone 180 that quickly in his long life "Quite the conversation you had going on there." He tried to break the silence.

She chuckled nonchalantly "Oh yeah just some idiot that won't do what he was told."

"I didn't know you knew how to speak other languages." He quipped.

Oh Bucky you only know a part of me, I am a universe full of secrets she thinks. "I don't kiss and tell Sarge." She instead said.

Right after the words left her mouth Tony walked into the kitchen. "Hey, Sunshine I've got a meeting so I'm going to have to cancel for tonight."

Y/n's eyes lingered on Bucky for a few seconds then she turned to Tony "Convenient because I have some business in Hell's Kitchen to take care of."

Tony opened his mouth to press further until she added "Don't ask because you don't want to know."

Bucky ever the curious couldn't help himself or keep his mouth shut and blurted "What if I want to know."

Y/n raised an eyebrow at the super-soldier, amused "Would torturing a man until he confesses answer your question?"

She turned and walked out of the kitchen. Bucky's eyes went comically wide "She's joking right?"

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose at her recklessness and shook his head "Stay safe." He yelled back to Y/n.

_

Y/n let herself into Matt's apartment he have given her a key when he moved in. When Y/n was younger her father decided that she needed further training so he hired a blind war vet that specialized in martial arts. There she met Matt they clicked instantly him being only 2 years old, he taught them how to hear things others couldn't smell more things that you wouldn't believe was possible, how to heal faster, and even how to fight without seeing.

Y/n walked down the poorly lit hallway leading to his living room just wanting to get think over with. In the living room, the man had a cloth covering his eyes, hands were tied behind the chair behind his back and each leg was tied to the bottom of the chair. Matt was leaning against the counter already waiting for her arrival, he nodded toward her, acknowledging her presence.

Y/n sauntered over to the man, she lifted up the corner of his shirt and tisked "Mark of Cain, definitely one of his men."

The man began to thrash around hearing her voice, she pulled the eye cover off and smirked "Heu est dere." Hey there hun.

"Pedicabo ego vos bitch." He spat furiously.  fuck you bitch.

Y/n frowned at him "Bene quod suus 'non ut salutaret domina." That's no way to greet a lady.

She stood up and patted his cheek giving him a sickening smile that gave him the chill "Sit scriptor committitur. Cur ipse mittet vobis?" Let's start. Why did he send you?

"Irrumabo." He growled, the man jumped at her but the restraints didn't allow him to get far. Suck my dick.

Annoyance began to trickle down her spine and anger rushed through her body. "ego suadeant vos satus loquentes." She snapped in an angry tone. I suggest you start talking.

"Terrebis me non ex vobis, qui non vis tua boyfriend est vulputate." I'm not scared of you or that want to be superhero boyfriend of yours.

No longer being able to control her anger Y/n grabbed him by his hair and tilted his face up "Take a vultus, vultus diu, et bonum dicitur lets videre tua si adhuc durat." She fumed. Take a look, a good long look, and let's see if your statement still stands.

The man studied her face for several moments before recognition flickered through his eyes "Lamia." He breathed. Lilith.

"Nunc autem dic mihi, quid invenerunt in me pater meus!" She shouted her patience ran out long ago and she didn't hesitate to show it. Now tell me how he found me!

"Cur te et ipsum interrogate." The man taunted. Why don't you go and ask him.

The grip on his hair tightened and she lowered down eye level to him "Ego suadeant tu dicas, quod primus est I. cut off vos erant 'iens ut ne nimis" she pulled out her knife and nodded downward. I suggest you tell me because the first thing I cut off you're not going to like very much.

The man's eyes went wide and he attempted to squeeze his legs together. Fear settled into his stomach, he didn't know if she would keep her promise but he also didn't want to find out.

"Hoc tantum scio, aliquem cum Vindices compositis ei" He squeaked out. All I know is someone at the Avengers compound told him.

She didn't let her shook show, she kept her face cold and calculated even though her heart was beating a million miles per minute. "Si igitur deus, auxilium tu mihi mendacem." So help me God if you're lying.

"Im 'non ego promissionem." He exclaimed and Y/n believed him, she tended to have that effect on people. I'm not I promise.

"O Deus, hes 'iens ut interficias me." He muttered shaking his head. Oh god, he's going to kill me.

The man kept whispering to himself and Y/n grew tired and shoved a sock in his mouth. She stood back up and turned to Matt. "Dump him on 23rd street, my father will take care of him soon enough."

_

Y/n blew on her hot cocoa watching the mini marshmallows swirling around, sure it the middle of September but it was her comfort drink. She tried to go over everyone she knew in the compound. How could she be so dumb? How could she let her guard down? She was trained better than this. It didn't matter now what she did or didn't do, but Y/n knew she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Y/n could hear the elevator ding from her office and she was confused. All the Avengers were either busy with training or on a mission. She set down her mug on her desk.  A blonde head of hair peaked its head in. "Dr. Y/l/n?"

"Teresa how can I help you?" She questioned. Y/n was confused as to why she was up here Teresa shouldn't even be able to get past the 5th floor.

Teresa stepped closer with her hands behind her back "I got a paper cut stapling some papers together and I came up here for a bandaid."

Teresa was looking everywhere but at her. Y/n could tell she was lying but about what? Then it clicked, how he found out where she was, the weird look she gave her, what Sam said about her sudden move down to the front desk, but then the question struck again. Why was she up- she was up here to kill her.

Teresa lunged at Y/n with the knife she had hidden in her hands behind her back. Y/n went to block but she wasn't quick enough and Teresa cut a long strip down her arm and she hissed, it hurt more than she remembered. Teresa went to slash her again but Y/n grabbed her wrist and twisted causing her to drop the knife.

Y/ n grabbed her mug and smashed it over her head, Teresa staggered backward falling into a bookshelf. Teresa cocked her gun and began to fire, Y/n leaped over the table to take cover behind her desk. Her gun was on the other side of the office strapped underneath a chair. Bullets blew past her body, she shielded her head with her arms, the gun clicked signaling it was out of bullets.

She rolled from under her desk onto her feet. This time Y/n rushed toward Teresa, she threw 2 punches which Teresa both blocked, but the 3rd one Y/n got a hit to her cheek. Teresa attempted to throw a kick but failed, she went down and swept her legs. Y/n fell backward, she rolled onto her hands and shoulder, she pushed up causing her to land right side up, Y/n's movements were a bit slower and staggered due to the blood loss.

Teresa went to hit her but then Y/n grabbed her arm and the back of her neck and smashed Teresa's face into a mirror. With a bloody face, Teresa peeled herself off the wall Y/n collapsed feeling lightheaded. Teresa stood over with her knife ready in hand, she brought her hand up into the air, but Y/n grabbed the from under her chair and shot her right between the eyes. Teresa collapsed backward and the knife slide across the floor.

"FRIDAY Initiate the red button protocol." She coughed out.

"Alerting Avengers now."

Y/n grabbed her arm and hissed, she shouldn't have collapsed this soon, even if it was a cut this big, and the sting was worst too, but then she put it together Teresa would have had a better chance to kill her if she laced the knife with something.

She heard Bucky calling out her name "In here." She chocked out. Bucky rounded the corner to her office and ran in, there were papers scattered everywhere, the desks and chairs knocked over, glass broken. He crouched beside Y/n she was fighting consciousness.

"No Y/n don't you fall asleep on me." He demanded putting her head in his lap.

"It'll be okay Buck." She patted his cheek in a comforting manner.

"No, no, no, hold on they will be here in 30 seconds" He pleaded. That was the last thing Y/n heard before everything went dark.

Part 7

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #buck barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #buck fanfic #james buchanan barnes

[mass-effect-a-companions-react]

Mornings Off

oh whats this? a post? How the ME:A romances wake up next to Ryder on a morning off

--- Liam - Liam likes lazy mornings. Days were he can just wake up next to Sara and relax. They usually wake up around the same time, pressing small kisses to each others faces with giggles and whispers. He prefers to have her sleep curled against his chest, one arm wrapped around her (even if it fell asleep ages ago) so that he can run his fingers along her arm while they talk about last nights dream “have i died in my sleep and gone to heaven?  because surely your an angel” “its too early in the morning for pickup lines, Costa” “its never too early for pick up lines”

Cora - Cora wakes up first, laying on her back with Scott  practically pressed on top of her. She never really could relax, even on days off. It was always an endeavor trying to wiggle out of his grasp without him waking up and he pouts like  a puppy when he realizes shes gone. Normally Cora shoves a pillow in her place to keep him sedated  and gives him a forehead kiss, before she does her morning routine and puts on a fresh pot of coffee, making it jsut the way he likes it and leaving the cup by the bed. By the time Scott even bothers to sit up she's already pressed, dressed and watering her plants.  ”Im starting to think you love the plants more than me” ”good morning to you too, Scott. Did you sleep well?” ”yes i did. Thank you for the coffee, by the way” Peebee - Bold of you to assume PeeBee even gets up in the mornings on the days off. Shes a heavy sleeper, so  she can and will sleep in any time she gets. (She sleeps alot to regain all that goblin energy)Ryder, bless their hearts, cannot escape PeeBee’s octopus grasp, as she raps herself around them and clings to their warmth, happily snoring until its nearly noon. When she actually does wake up, she still remains in bed for another 10 minutes and always jokingly calls ryder a weirdo for watching her sleep. please, please let go peebee, they really have to pee. “i know your awake. Come on babe, my legs are going numb” “snore” “did- did you just say snore instead of actually fake snoring?”

Jaal - Jaal tends  sleep with Ryder on his chest, the skin to skin contact really does him in. He tends to be an early riser, though unlike cora hes content staying where he is. He watches them sleep, carefully running his thick fingers through their hair  committing every detail to memory as if it were the last time he will see it. He just holds them until they wake up, giving them soft rapid fire kisses (that he totally doesn't use that as a tactic to wake them up early what are you talking about). Every time Ryder cracks open their eyes they are instantly met by his vivid blue ones, grinning at them as he nuzzles their face. 

”Good morning my darling one” ”I swear if you ever wake me up in any other way i would never forgive you” ”*Chuckling* good to know” Vetra -  Early riser by nature, and usually gets out of bed instantly , even if ryder is clinging to them. However, modern problems require modern solutions and she will literally carry ryder around while doing her morning routine and checking her logs for any supplies she has to pick up. Vetra is a busy body,even on days off and it isnt untill she’s resituated on the bed when ryder wakes up, pushing her data pad down and demanding kisses “ugh do you ever stop? Can i at least get my morning kiss before you start jumping into work?” “Not with that morning breath you’re not. Go brush your teeth.” “oh, so cruel to me” 

Gil - Like PeeBee, gil tends to sleep in. Though not as late. He usually tends to take his time wake in up in increments, always ending with a big stretch and  loud, obnoxious yawn before “gracefully” flopping back down on the bed full force, causing it to bounce a bit.  Gil runs like  furnace, so Scott usual has his arms rapped around him as soon as he sits up, nuzzling into his neck befoe the two go to do their morning routings together, constantly messing with each other as they do.

“Did you just give me a shaving crème moustache?” “you look ever handsome with it” “Scott i don't even shave. And i  already have a  great beard and mustache, thank you.”

Suvi-  Suvi sleeps curled into Sara, and  Sara complains the moment she rolls away from her. Suvi is a long time practicer of “late to bed, early to rise” often sliding in and out of of bed at the weirdest fucking hours. Though is alot more difficult on days off because ryder wraps around her like a vice grip, knowing that Suvi actually doesn't have anything to do and is forced to stay in bed jsut a little longer. Suvi can easily be convinced.

“Let go, Sara. I have some reports i need to go over in the lab.” “5 more minutes” “....You’re lucky you’re cute”

Reyes -  Waking up next to Reyes was rare in itself, so you bet your ass Ryder is going to take advantage of it. Reyes wakes easily and normally slides away from Ryder without being seen or heard, leaving them feeling just a bit colder. But after things settle down, so does he, slowly but surely. If they ever do share the same bed, Reyes likes to sleep with his arms wrapped around Ryder, holding them close  to convince himself that they are actually there.  He always wakes up first, no matter what, and sits up with their head in his lap, letting them rest as he checks his omni tool, running one hand through their hair. “ Hmh- wait. Your still here?” “Dont sound so surprised to see me, amore” “Its a good kind of surprised, Reyes”

Bonus Evfra (i will never not be thirsty) - Like Vetra this man does not know the meaning of the words “a day off” and will rise with the sun in order to get to the resistance base. He wakes giving Ryder a kiss on the face before getting ready for the day, taking extra preparation to make them breakfast before he leaves and placing it on the nightstand as a form of apology, kissing them again before leaving. on the rare days Ryder actually does convince Evfra to stay in bed (usually after a long night of “passion”) he sleep on his stomach with ryder on his back (he likes to feel their weight, it grounds him) and he is content just lying there and listening to them breath with his eyes closed until they get up, placing g a kiss along his spine. “oh ho? what's this? a handsome stranger in my bed?” “Firstly this is my bed. Secondly, you just woke up how are you this annoying already?” “Good morning to you too, big blue.” 

#Liam Costa #cora harper #PeeBee #jaal ama darav #vetra nyx #gil brodie #suvi anwar #reyes vidal #mass effect andromeda #mass effect romance #mod di #evfra de tershaav

[illfoandillfie]

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: Ben’s POV

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: 14 scenes told from Ben's Perspective.

Warnings: A whole lotta angst and badly handled feelings. swearing, drinking, a little bit of smut/masturbation (18+) basically everything from the other chapters but from Ben’s side lmao

Words: 22 790 (oh god im sorry, but all the sections are separated so you don’t have to read it in one hit!)

A/N: I know it's like super duper late but here is the final chapter of this series that I promised! Basically just a collection of blurbs (maybe a few oneshot length parts too) that tell the story from the other side. Some are his point of view of things that occurred in the main chapters, some fill in gaps that reader wasn't around for. 

I had a lot of fun writing from a perspective I don't normally write from! It was a bit of a challenge at times but definitely something I'd like to do again.

Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @friccinfricks​ 

“Pick up Joe, pick up,” Ben mumbled to himself, pacing around his trailer. The phone rang out and he let out a grunt of annoyance as he switched to text message.

I fucked up. Call me.

It was an anxious ten-minute wait in which Ben found it hard to sit still or focus on anything other than what a colossal mistake he’d made. He tried to go over his lines instead, tried to focus on the next scene you’d be filming together but all he could think about was you. You and how badly he’d fucked up. Finally Joe put him out of his misery. “Thank Christ,” “Sorry I was asleep,” a yawning Joe said from the other end of the line, “What happened that you needed to contact me at 6am?” “I said yes,” “To?” “Joe, I know it’s early for you but please try to keep up. I said yes.” There was a pause as Joe tried to work out what Ben meant and then realisation dawned, “Nooooo,” “Yes. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Oh my god,” Joe groaned, sympathetic, “You said yes? To the fake dating schtick?” “I wasn’t going to,” “I should fucking hope not. After everything we talked about yesterday? After we agreed it was a horrible idea?” “I know! I know,” Ben had to pause to gulp in a breath, his chest suddenly feeling too tight to handle the oxygen, “I was going to say no. I came in with a plan to say no and it was on the tip of my tongue for the entire meeting. They were going through these pages explaining it all and all of the rules we’d have to follow and I was ready to say no, I was going to say no,” “So what happened?” Ben flopped down onto his couch, the one he liked to nap on when time allowed, running his hand through his hair as he spoke, “I looked over at her and my mind clouded over and I said yes,” “Did she ask you to?” “Nope. I think she knew what I was thinking through the whole thing, she seemed shocked when I agreed to it. Fuck, why did I say yes?” “Cause you’re a fucking idiot.” “You can say that again,” “I could but I won’t.” Joe exhaled slowly into the receiver, “Jesus man,” “Yup. You wanna know the worst part though?” “Agreeing to it wasn’t the worst part?” “I’m not totally disappointed,” “Ben,” Joe sounded mildly horrified so Ben hurried to explain. “I mean, I know it’s bad. I know there were a thousand ways to better handle it...sticking to the plan and asking her out after we wrapped being the least of them. But...I have date ideas picked out already. There’s this wine and art place she’d love and the ice-skating rink and I’d love to take her to that Chinese restaurant near me. And I’m kind of happy I have an excuse to look at her now, touch her. I don’t have to worry about if she’s caught me staring or if I’m doing a bad job of hiding my feelings because everyone’s going to think we’re dating anyway so what’s the fucking harm,” “Alright Ben, I’m gonna stop you there. You need to get this shit under control. I suggest going to a bar, getting drunk, and getting into the pants of the first girl who talks to you.” “Can’t,” “Oh don’t give me that bullshit. You’re not so hung up on this Y/N chick that you can’t think about sleeping with someone else, are you?” “Doesn’t matter, I literally can’t unless I want everyone to think I’m cheating on her. Don’t think that’d go down well with the studio or anyone else really. They’d crucify me for fucking up the plan after less than a day.” “Would you have followed my advice even if that wasn’t the case?” Ben mad a non-committal noise, “Probably not. I just want her,” “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? I distinctly remember you whining about a boyfriend.” “Apparently it was never that serious. He was boring.” “You’re boring too Ben. Hate to break it to you but you’re dull, unexciting, tedious. She’s not going to want to date you either. Might as well give up now,” “Have you got a thesaurus sitting in your lap?” Joe laughed despite himself, “I thought this was going to be a crush Ben. Short lived.” “Me too. It’s not though. I can’t get her out of my mind. When I’m with her I don’t want to leave and then when I have to leave all I can think about is when I’ll next see her. She’s so wonderful and beautiful and kind-hearted. She likes pulling faces at me from behind the camera and she’s got the cutest laugh…When she’s nervous about a scene she bounces her leg. Every time. And she’s so sweet to everyone on set, always chatting with whoever is around and making jokes and stuff. I want to make her laugh. I want to calm her when she’s nervous. I want her.” “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel now. I know you wanted to wait until after the movie but I think that horse has bolted,” “I can’t tell her now, are you insane? If I tell her now she’ll call up her agent and cancel the whole fake dating thing and she’ll never want to see me again,” “Maybe she wants to date you too,” “Nope. She literally said to me she wouldn’t date me in real life,” Ben paused, thinking, “d’you reckon there’s a chance she might fall for me too? Like, with the whole pretending to date thing? Maybe I could convince her I’d be a good boyfriend,” “Don’t get your hopes up Ben,” “You’re right. She’s not going to change her mind about me. We’re friends and that’s it. And I’ve just gotta focus on finishing this movie and getting through the whole relationship without her figuring anything out.” “I don’t envy you, buddy.”

                                                       ***

It took Ben a few moments of lying in the dark to remember why he felt so nervous first thing in the morning. But the waiting message from Peter about what time the photographer would arrive was enough to remind him. He lay there a little longer, trying to prepare himself for everything, trying to convince himself that seeing you first thing in the morning would be enough of a turn off to stop him from feeling the way you made him feel. It didn’t work, the convincing or the seeing you. If anything, seeing you yawning as you left his spare room just made it all the worse. You, in his pyjamas. It made his stomach flip. He found it hard to pull his eyes from you as you drank your coffee, found it hard to not enjoy the sight of you in his pyjamas in his kitchen. You’d never been there before but you didn’t feel out of place. He could imagine other mornings, making pancakes together, you with a spot of batter on your nose that he’d wipe away and replace with a kiss, or else making you the first tea or coffee of the day and bringing it to you in bed, snuggling under the covers with you, your head resting on his chest as you talked quietly about whatever was happening that day. But planning out how you’d look for the camera was a sharp reminder that it wasn’t real, that you were only there because of work.

“And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” he watched as you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, his pyjamas, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben had to clear his throat and avert his eyes, terrified that you’d be able to see what he was thinking, willing himself to stop thinking about helping you out of them. “What time is it?” He glanced at the oven, thankful to have even the smallest of diversions, “Twenty past eight,” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” This was a better topic. Boring, safe. “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” Shit, “Me too,” he laughed, trying not to imagine you in his bed in just his shirt (fuck the pants they were too big for you anyway). “We’re meant for each other,” Ben took another sip of coffee to keep from groaning. You had no idea what you were doing to him and he wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. Not now at any rate. He’d killed any chance of anything happening when he’d agreed to this stunt and now he had to suck it up and deal with it. “Did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” Jesus, the kiss, he’d almost forgotten about that, “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” This is dangerous territory. “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” Oh god oh god oh god, “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times,” “Did I now?” “Of course,” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying,” Ben wanted to stop, wanted to switch back to talking about farmers markets and breakfast options but he didn’t seem to have control over himself anymore, “Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at him as you turned back towards the bathroom. As soon as he heard the door shut Ben collapsed forward against the kitchen counter, leaning on his palms as he grappled with what had just happened. He’d need to keep his wits about him from now on. Flirting like that couldn’t happen again, he’d been lucky that you'd treated it like friendly banter. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice that suggested you’re lack of awareness was proof of how disinterested you were. It was only when he heard the bathroom door swing open again that he forced himself to move.

“How do I look?” you asked as you re-entered the room. Can’t avoid looking at her now, she wants your opinion, “Gorgeous.” It was true. Everything you’d done to make yourself look like you’d had a late night just made you even more desirable. The messed up hair, the smudge of makeup around your eyes. He gulped when he noticed the undone buttons of the flannel shirt, just enough to tease, and the missing pants. Tell her you want to pin her to the wall and undo the rest of those buttons. Tell her you want to wake up to that sight every morning. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, ummm,” he gave you another cursory look, trying not to linger on any part of you for too long, “yes, I think so,” “I feel like there’s something missing,” suddenly you turned on your heel and stepped back towards the bathroom. Ben waited where you’d left him until, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” Clearly he was supposed to be part of this conversation, so he followed you to the doorway, stepped just over the threshold, “What is it?” You were scrutinising your appearance in the mirror and he let himself watch your reflection, “what if you gave me a hickey?” Ben’s breath caught in his throat though he managed to stutter out your name. “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it,” He inhaled deeply wondering if your backtracking was a sign that you’d worked out what was going on in his head. He couldn’t let that happen. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to give you a love bite, though he’d prefer to be covering you in them. Slowly, he let the breath go again, “no, you’re right. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic,”

“It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” Babe this whole thing is inappropriate, “No, no, we have to make it look legit. Here, I’ll uhhh,” With another, less than steady, breath, he stepped behind you, close enough that you were practically leaning against him. His heart began to beat faster, his stomach did summersaults. Carefully he wrapped his arm around your waist to steady himself, pull you closer, as he pushed your hair to the side. He glanced at your reflection, waiting for you to stop him, to notice his shaky fingers and burning skin and to jump away from him. But you didn’t. You let him lean in, let him press his lips to your neck, let him mark you. He felt your own breath speed up, felt you tilt your head, inviting more. And then. It was only a small hum, but it had definitely come from you. He glanced at the mirror again, saw you had your eyes shut. You liked it. He was giving you a hickey and you were enjoying it. This might be his only chance to do that, to make you feel that way. He refocused on your neck, where his lips met your skin, soothing the fresh brand with his tongue. He could happily have given you ten more, was tempted to go in for a second at least. Instead he let you go, stepped backwards as quickly as he could manage. If he waited too long he’d end up saying something he’d regret. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben really ties the whole look together,” He tried to match your smile though it felt like there was a warning siren going off in his head, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine. Wonder if the photographer is here yet,” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he will definitely be here,” he needed some time to compose himself before he even thought about stepping outside the door with you, “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine Y/N, no need for any of that,” he forced another smile as you left but the moment you’d pulled the door shut it slipped again. Slowly he made his way to the tap, splashed his face with cold water. His fingers still tingled where they’d rested against you. The echo of your hum was stuck in his head. Your perfume still lingered in the air. “Fuck,” Ben directed the curse at his reflection, unsure any other word could sum up better than that. The fact that you didn’t want him was fucked, having you here looking the part of the perfect girlfriend was fucked, giving you a hickey for the performance was fucked. And the fact that he was sporting a semi from it was really just the cherry on top of his totally fucked sundae. He couldn’t go back out to you in such a state, especially not when you were going to have to make out for the camera. A shower to relieve himself was the only answer, though he felt bad about you being only a couple of rooms over.

With a final prayer that you wouldn’t overhear or work out why he’d changed his mind about the shower, he turned the taps on and began undressing, wincing a little as he stuck his arm under the scalding hot water. With some adjustment he was able to fully step into the shower, pausing for a moment to relax under the steady beat of the water before reaching for the soap. Of course, you were on his mind as he wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly started stroking himself. The way you looked in his shirt, the swell of your breasts just barely exposed, tantalisingly so. The hem of the shirt draped over your bare thighs. You’d make such a sight dressed like that, lying in his bed, the sheets tangled around your legs. Better still his legs tangled between yours. He thought of the hum you made as he’d sucked at your throat. On the verge of a whine, maybe even a moan. Would you whine if his lips were on your chest instead? What about your thighs, leaving a trail up to… His breathing was faster now, hand moving at a similar speed. We’re made for each other. Your voice, your words. You’d say it, half pant it, while he was inside you. Made for each other. And you’d hum that hum of pleasure. Your thighs, under his shirt. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he pulled your hair aside. What if you gave me a hickey?  The warmth of your body leaning against his, such a contrast to the cool bathroom tiles. That hum. Those thighs. The way you say his name. Made for each other. Your lingering perfume. Your lingering warmth. Your lingering hum. His name on your tongue. He bit his lip to keep from making any sound as he came onto the floor of the shower. It took Ben a few moments to right his breathing, eyes pressed shut so he could hold onto the fantasy for just a little longer. But he knew he didn’t have the time. At least you get to kiss her again. He rushed through washing his hair, scrubbing himself clean. As he stepped out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and swiped his palm over the fogged-up mirror. He forced himself to smile, tried to make it seem natural but that just made it feel more fake. Maybe you wouldn’t notice. With a final exhale he left the bathroom, heading towards his bedroom to find some clean clothes. Your laugh cut through the mostly quiet house. Something on the tv, a cartoon by the sounds of it, had made you laugh and Ben couldn’t help but smile for real at the sound. It made it all seem worth it. 

                                                      ***

It had been a bit of an odd week. Everyone at work knew about the relationship and Ben had found himself set upon by well meaning set dressers and ADs who were curious to know when it had started and how they’d kept it such a secret because “seriously Ben, no one suspected anything.” That was nothing to his friends though, who were shocked he’d never brought it up even in passing and who demanded to know when they could meet this secret girlfriend of his. “Someone’s gotta tell her about the time you pissed your pants at the fair,” “I was seven and had drunk a lot of coke,” “Excuses, excuses. What’s your excuse for never mentioning her before?” “I thought we were going to play FIFA, not talk about my love life,” “We were but that was before we all saw your girlfriend’s arse online,” “You can’t see her arse in that shot,” “Near enough. And we can definitely see the giant fucking hickey on her neck. Now explain yourself,” “Alright mum,” Ben shook his head, “I mean, you know I don’t normally date people I work with. Neither does she. We both wanted to give our selves some time to see if it worked, to make sure what we thought we were feeling was legit and not on screen emotions carrying over or anything like that.” “Well it looks legit judging by photos,” “Shut up,” Ben sighed, rolling his eyes, “I actually really like her,” “Hey, I have a question. When the fuck have you been seeing this chick? Because your down time is spent with us.” “Oh, umm, y’know, after work and stuff. I don’t spend all of my time with you guys,” “Uhhh beg to disagree,” Ben tried to keep his tone normal though his heart was racing. If they figured it out now it could all be over, “Fuck off I have a life outside of you. And just because I was hanging with you guys in the evening doesn’t mean I didn’t see her earlier in the day.” “Nooners?” “Lunch dates.” “Uh huh. Okay, lunch dates. She’s a good shag though, right?” “Oh yeah, fucking….great shag,” “You gotta give us more than that mate,” “Sure, okay, but first can one of you kill me,” “Boooooo,” Ben laughed as he was pelted with crisps, “I’m so going to kick all your arses, now hand me a controller.”

The week had also brought him a copy of your rules. He’d taped the sheet to the bottom of his sock draw where no one else was likely to see it but he could still have a daily reminder that none of it was real. Being around you made it easy to forget you weren’t actually his girlfriend, the lines between friendly banter and flirty teasing becoming too blurred. Of course, he also had Joe reminding him to keep his head straight. He’d called after he saw the morning-after photos. The conversation had started with Joe calling Ben a moron but quickly shifted into Ben ranting for close to an hour because he’d, that morning, heard all about the conversation with Felicity and how you’d spent so long talking up his prowess. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream. “Is this some kind of punishment? Did I do something completely fucked up in a past life and now I’m paying for it?” “Maybe. Or maybe it’s a lesson on why you don’t agree to something because a pretty girl smiles at you.” “Oh bugger off, you’re absolutely no help,” “Well what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know.” “I could talk to her for you.” “Mate, that’s you’re worst idea yet.” “When’s the date?” “This Saturday.” “Just keep reminding yourself you’re there as friends. Don’t get sucked in by the act.” “I’m trying.” Easier said than done, especially when he’d had the date planned for a solid few months. Not officially of course, but in the back of his head. You and him and a bottle of wine as you sat close together and painted. When he imagined the date you wore a sun dress and decorated your canvas or plate, or whatever it was he pictured that time, with little hearts and lipstick kisses. He’d make you laugh with some kind of joke and you’d lean your forehead on his shoulder. Everyone else would melt away as you looked up at him, still smiling. And you’d say something about how you should have realised you loved him sooner. “Because I do, Ben, I love you,” Which is when he’d kiss you, softly.

Ben shook his head to clear it, focusing back on the script in his hand, though you’d soon distracted him again. The real you, not the fantasy date one. The one who was bouncing her knee and staring off into space. He gently touched your shoulder, “Hey, are you okay?” “Huh?” “You’re jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh, nothing,” He didn’t believe you, “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” What a blessing that would be. I might actually be able to get over you. I could stop imaging you in my bed, “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” “What?” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud, “I’ve been worried about it too.” You nodded, your leg twitching as if gearing up to bounce again. “But I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was, but-” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake,” Ben didn’t necessarily believe it himself, or at least not for himself. He was going to struggle. But you didn’t have any underlying feelings to fight. For you it really was just a good time painting, “they’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple,” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” before he could stop himself he’d reached for your hand, rubbing the back of it. He wanted to do more, to hold you tight and tell you it would be okay. But that would be too much. Instead he rubbed your hand and tried to distract you, “I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You laughed. It was the best sound in the world and he was determined to make sure he heard it again on your date.

It took Ben an hour to decide on an outfit. He’d had one set aside but looking at it in the mirror it felt too dressy, he needed something more casual. He paused for a calming smoke and then had to brush his teeth again. On set he chewed gum after a smoke, especially if there were kissing scenes, out of politeness more than anything. But the small part of him that hoped you were treating the date as an audition for the roll of real-life boyfriend worried that it would hurt his chances if he tasted like cigarettes. Assuming you’d kiss. So he brushed his teeth again and changed into an outfit he didn’t hate and then worried that he was overthinking it and should have gone with his first outfit, and needed another smoke. Which meant he had to brush his teeth a third time. It took all his willpower to not ask the uber to pull over so he could have another quick puff. But then he was at your place and you were there and he wasn’t panicking anymore. Maybe it was because you looked jittery and nervous and something in his brain overrode his own anxiety to ease yours, or maybe you just had that effect on him. Whatever the reason it meant he could focus on helping you relax. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” He was nearly positive you hadn’t eaten yet, too anxious. “Uhh, s’pose so,” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” Ben inwardly groaned. When the fuck did snookum become a thing? Why won’t you stop me Y/N? Please god stop me from flirting with you!  It was a relief when he made it to the McDonalds without any more slip ups and he could focus on his food and encouraging you to eat yours. He felt things were going well as you walked hand in hand through the bottle shop. He’d squeeze your hand if he felt you tensing up, make you laugh again, distract you. But then you had nudged him and pointed out the photographer. “Relax, he’s not important,” he said softly, pulling you into his side, trying to keep his own breathing even. Your face had paled at the sight of the camera, and Ben was hit by an overwhelming urge to protect you. He kept you as close as he could, soothed you as best he could. It became easier once you’d reached the shop and could get lost among the other couples and groups of friends, though he caught you checking for the photographer through the glass of the shop front. Ben hesitated for half a second before he turned your head towards him, “Forget the photographer Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We’re just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” This wasn’t the carefree date he’d been fantasising about for months. But he held out hope it still could be. If only he could make you see it. He opened the wine, talked about the art options, anything to distract you from the world outside of the shop. You took a little to warm up but he was glad to see you looking around the room as he went to collect your blank ceramics, taking everything in, and soon enough you were both contemplating designs for mugs, the photographer and the reason for the date seemingly forgotten.

Ben’s hope grew with each passing minute. The longer you were there, the more at ease you became. He got to hear your laugh again, frequently. And the conversation flowed naturally as each of you concentrated on your artwork. The design came to him quickly and he went slow, trying to make his lines as straight as possible and trying to make the engagement ring look like the one you’d spent so much of the shoot wearing. We’re really good at this dating thing. Part encouragement to help when you got nervous, part wishful thinking perhaps. But it was a quote from the movie so you wouldn’t read too far into it. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction to the mug and, as soon as he was done, announced it. “Alright, show me then,” Ben watched closely as you examined the still wet design, chewing on his lip as he tried not to care if you cared that the lines weren’t totally straight or the colours didn’t work. But as soon as you realised what the quote was you smiled. He found himself grinning as you told him how much you loved it. “Thought it was kind of fitting. Plus, it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had,” Ben turned the mug back towards himself, double checking for any flaws. He wanted it to be perfect for you, “Best proposal I’ve ever given.” He was on the verge of adding, “My real one will be better though,” but stopped himself short. That would lead to a topic of conversation he didn’t want to deal with. Not with you. Not now. He was a little surprised as you leaned in close and lowered your voice. “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” he said leaning closer as well. From the outside you must look like a proper couple, whispering sweet nothings as you ignored the rest of the room. His eyes darted to your lips. Kiss her. He could, couldn’t he? He could get away with it. That was what you were there for, to be a couple, to have photos taken of intimate moments. No one would question it if he just closed the gap, not even you. But he hesitated too long, the shriek of laughter from another table interrupting the moment. He leaned back in his seat, trying to put some distance between you before he lost his head again, “So do I get to see mine?”

Ben was nearly speechless when you did eventually let him see it. The guitar with the lyrics beside it. He couldn’t have stopped from smiling even if he’d wanted to. “And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “It is? It’s just the song I overheard you playing that one time.” That one time. A few weeks previous. Between scenes, as he’d waited for the cameras to be organised around the new set. He hadn’t meant for anyone to hear him, least of all you. But he’d been starting to feel tense and wanted to unwind before filming resumed so he’d gone back to his trailer and taken out his guitar. It was a song he’d always liked but he’d been listening to it more often since meeting you and it was the song his fingers had begun to play without him realising. Now here it was, on the mug you’d painted for him. And you had no idea that when he sang about the stun gun lullaby, he was singing about your laugh, or that you so completely had his attention that no other woman could compare. The song might have been written for someone else but whenever he heard it, it was you being sung about. Was that a sign to not give up hope? His heart ached with how much he wished you loved him the same. Fuck, love? He’d never let himself think the L word before, that was serious shit. But it fit. He was hopelessly in love with you and there didn’t seem like there was much he could do to change the situation.

                                                      ***

Ben looked up from his laptop to see you, brows furrowed, digging through your bag. “Something wrong?” he asked as you pulled your lips between your teeth, worrying at it absentmindedly, in what he had to admit was an adorable fashion. “Uhh, I think I need to go home,” “How come? If you forgot something I have a replacement here. What was it sunnies? Chapstick? A book?” “No, it’s not that sort of-” “Then what? You already have a toothbrush and PJs here,” “No it’s something else... I just think I’d be more comfortable at home today,” Ben tried to keep his voice steady but his mind was whirring with the possible reasons for your sudden wish to leave. Did you know about his secret? “Well a-are you sure I can’t help. We’re meant to be seen together this afternoon and if we leave now they won’t be able to get a shot of us smooching,” You chuckled at his word choice and he found it hard to repress his smile. “I’ll apologise to Mary and Peter, tell them something came up and see if we can reschedule,” “Are you positive there isn’t anything I can do?” You shook your head slightly, “if you really must know my period is a little early and I don’t have any tampons on me. Happy?” “Oh,” he began to laugh at your slight embarrassment, more relieved than embarrassed himself, “is that all?  Y/N, you’re not the first girlfriend I’ve had, fake or not. I’m a 29 year old man I can deal with talking about periods, and I can certainly run to the shop for you,” “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that. I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today,” ““Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” You didn’t look convinced, eyeing the doorway to the hall. “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” You hesitated a moment longer, “oh alright, as long as you don’t mind,”

It took Ben two minutes to collect his shoes and wallet and car keys and then he was out the door, assuring you he’d be as quick as possible. On his way out he saw the photographer, getting into position by his front gate. He shot Ben a questioning look at the detour from the set plan as Ben hopped into his car. As he reversed out of the driveway he caught the photographer’s attention. “Making a run to the shop to pick up something for Y/N. Might be a good photo in it,” Ben felt odd talking to the man – a man who he recognised well enough, who had witnessed every intimate moment he’d shared with you (and who had been the catalyst for a number of them), but a man he knew next to nothing about. But he hoped that by leading the photographer away he was ensuring you’d have a peaceful respite from the constant intrusion of knowing you were being watched. The photographer nodded, replaced the lens on his camera and headed to his own car, following Ben to the closest supermarket. The distraction of communicating with the photographer was almost enough to make Ben stop kicking himself for not being more prepared for this eventuality. It was only once he was at the store, standing in front of a shelf of feminine hygiene products that he was truly side-tracked from his lack of foresight, and realised he had no idea what you wanted. You picked up your mobile on the third ring. “Hey, it’s Ben, what do you want?” “Don’t tell me you forgot already,” “No, I mean, what sort. There’s hundreds of boxes to choose from, I have no idea which brand you like or what, um…strength you need.” “Oh,” you laughed and described what your go to brand’s packaging looked like. He scoured the shelves, trying to block out the snap of a phone camera as the photographer got his shot. “Ah, got it,” he said as he finally located the right one, pulling down a box for you now and one to keep in his bathroom for future use, “see you in a few.” “Thanks Ben,” “It’s nothing,” he refrained from closing the call with a love you, instead just saying, “Part of the boyfriend package.” On his way back towards the register he detoured into the tea and coffee isle, picking out a box of herbal tea bags that said For Women on the box, hoping they’d sooth whatever cramps you were dealing with, and then grabbed a box of chocolates in case you wanted something sweet to snack on. The photographer was outside already, waiting to get a shot of him leaving with a full bag. 

It made Ben’s heart swell to see how grateful you were for his haul. He went to the kitchen to make you a tea and himself a coffee as you ducked into the bathroom. “Did you find the Panadol?” he asked, rattling the box of painkillers as you joined him in the lounge. “Yeah, thanks. I took two but I might need more in a few hours, if I’m still here. I’ll buy you a new box if I use too many,” “Don’t be daft. How are you feeling?” “Yeah fine. A few cramps but it’s nothing.” “Do you want a cuddle?” he asked without thinking. “What?” Ben shrugged, “I don’t know, my ex said that cuddling up with me made her feel better. But that’s a different- she probably said it so she had an excuse to make out a bit,” You laughed, “a cuddle would actually be very welcome right now,” “Oh, well in that case,” Ben shuffled over, patting the space beside him, and tried to remember that you weren’t really dating. But he couldn’t stop himself from pulling you tight against him and breathing deeply.

                                                      ***

Ben wasn’t drunk. Not properly so anyway. He was too much of a chatty drunk to trust himself when he was sloshed. He’d had enough to loosen up and to dull the ache he felt whenever he looked at you. And to leave his keys at the bar. Nothing a glass of water and some TV couldn’t fix. He’d lost himself in the show when his phone dinged, nearly jumping at the unexpected noise. It was a text from Joe.

WTF?

It took Ben a few seconds to work out what it referred to but then the afternoon came back to him, the last scene you’d filmed, the photo he’d posted. Shit. “Ah, shit. Forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep?” he cast around for a reasonable excuse, “We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” you said, already pressing buttons on the remote. “I promise I won’t be long,” “Take your time, it’s fine.” Ben smiled though it slipped as he left the room and pulled up Joe’s number. He shut the door of the room he used when he stayed over, already sure this would not be a conversation he’d want you to overhear. “What the fuck is that photo Ben?” “It’s nothing,” he sighed, “just the last day of filming,” “Are you alright, you sound weird?” “We went out for a drink.” “You and Y/N?” “And the rest of the cast and crew. And, before you say anything, no I didn’t get so drunk I blabbed about anything. I do have some self control,” “I wasn’t saying anything,” “No but you were thinking it. Anyway, I think I’m allowed to have a few drinks under the circumstances. Not exactly easy being secretly in love with your co-star who you’re also fakely dating,” “Alright, alright, point made. But that doesn’t explain the photo,” “Like I said, last day of filming,” Joe waited for more and begrudgingly Ben continued. “It was our last scene together and I wanted to commemorate it,” “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Y/N said it was a bit cheesy,” “Uhh yeah, little bit,” Joe laughed, “you’re not worried it was a bad idea?” “No. We got told to post stuff, which you already know since Y/Ns posted tonnes and you’ve commented on nearly all of them. Figured I should pull my weight,” “Someone has to keep an eye on you two. Stop you from doing something stupid.” “That’s what you’re doing is it?” “You sure you didn’t post the photo with that caption because you’re dying to tell her how you feel and this is a safe way to do so?” Ben scuffed his foot along the carpet, digging his toes into the rough material and feeling like a school boy being admonished by a teacher, “So what if it is?” “All I’m saying is be careful. You’re keeping two very large secrets and–” “Yeah Joe, I fucking know but I don’t have much of a choice here,” “That’s what I’m saying…look, I know you’re a bit of a romantic at heart but you’re also not the sort to get this hung up on unavailable skirt so I believe you when you say you love her. But don’t let it slip out because that’ll just make things worse.” “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess,” “Neither do I. Frankly I don’t think you were thinking. At least, not about yourself.” “Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it?” “Alright. This is going to sound harsh, but it’s coming from a place of friendship. Just stop.” “What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” “That’s not what I meant. I understand you can’t get out of the fake relationship stuff. But, maybe you can get out of the other side of things. Just tell her. Intentionally, tell her. I know it’s not what you want to hear and I know you’re going to argue with me and say you can’t but why not? If you tell her and she admits she likes you then great, you can be together for real. Or, if you tell her and she says she doesn’t feel the same then she can’t get out either and you can be miserable together and she’ll at least stop hanging around you so much when you don’t have to be seen together and you can get over her.” Ben shook his head, “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel,” “I just think this whole situation…sucks for you. A mirthless laugh rose in Ben’s throat, “of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening,” “Are you sure she doesn’t feel something, even if she’s not saying it?” “No I know it’s completely one sided.” “Is there any chance she already knows? You’re not the most subtle guy in the world Ben, maybe she figured it out before you were approached about the fake out,” “No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew,” Ben heard Joe sigh, “I don’t know what to say then man,” “I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her. But it fucking sucks that it’s only in public.” “What about now that the movie’s finished?” “I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will make it easier to stop thinking about her…I doubt it though. It’s not like I haven’t tried already. I spent the whole of pre-production and the first weeks of filming trying to get her off my mind and I couldn’t I don’t know how and I don’t think I could unless we literally stopped talking to each other entirely and, honestly I don’t know that I could handle that. But again, we’re back at I don’t have a choice here. I have to keep seeing her and being with her and being her boyf-” A door slammed at the other end of the house, making Ben jolt. “What is it?” “Nothing, I think Y/N just went to the bathroom or something.” “She’s at your place?” “No, I locked myself out of my place. I’m at hers. I should go though, we’re halfway through an episode.” “Ben. Be careful.” “Always am.”

Ben hung up with a sigh. Joe could tell him to move on or spill the beans all he liked but it wasn’t so simple. He slapped his cheeks and shook his head to clear it, pulling a smile back onto his face as he headed back to the living room. He was a little surprised to see the room empty but settled himself on the couch once again, pulling a throw blanket over himself. It smelt like you. Without thinking he pulled up Instagram on his phone and revisited the photo. You’d commented on it, less cheesy but there were heart emojis strewn throughout. A similar sentiment to his original caption. He sighed and shook his head, clicking out of the app to find something else to read until you returned. The sound of your footsteps drew his attention. Something had changed. You looked pale and unwell. “Are you okay?” “Fine, thanks. Just tired. Might call it quits after this ep.” He didn’t think you’d drunk that much but maybe it was just starting to catch up with you now. Then again, it had been a long and emotional day. You had every right to be wiped out by it and especially now that you were home with no filming or celebrating to distract you from how exhausting it all was. He offered you a spot under the blanket in case it would make you feel better to have some human contact. Just for that reason of course, nothing to do with wanting to hold you. He shrugged it off when you refused and didn’t really think of it again until the episode ended and you went off to bed. He was still too alert to sleep himself, still dwelling on the conversation with Joe. So he flicked TV channels until he found something mildly distracting, a rerun of a dumb home renovation show that was easy to get sucked into.

When he did finally feel tired enough to go to bed he turned off the TV and the lights and began to tiptoe down the hall to his room. But there was light coming from your room. Not the yellow light of a bulb but the blue light of a phone or laptop. You were still up. Maybe you really weren’t feeling well. He wondered if he should check on you, offer to make you a tea with honey and lemon or something else comforting. Did you need tissues? A pot in case you had to throw up? Someone to hold your hair back? He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and sighed. This is exactly what you shouldn’t be thinking. He glanced at the light under your door again and then turned and continued his path up the hall. But, after that, he felt awake again. Unable to sleep. There was too much to think about. Maybe the caption on the photo had been a mistake. Maybe Joe was right and he should tell you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. When it came to you that’s all there was. A noise interrupted him, you groaning and the creak of springs as you shifted in the bed. Is she having a wank? That was his first thought. Does she need help? Was his next. Dangerous. Everything fell silent again and he realised you must have just rolled over to try and get comfortable. He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed. He rolled onto his side, pulled the blanket up a little higher, willed himself to fall asleep but it was out of the question. You shifted again, your bed creaking with the movement. Maybe he should check on you, in case you were unwell. Or maybe there was something on your mind too. Maybe he could help. It was bound to be easier to solve than the mess he was in at any rate. He was on the verge of swinging his legs out of bed again when he was reminded of what Joe said about trying to forget you. He could feel that need to protect you, look after you, rising in his chest again. That wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t what he needed. He sighed and stayed in bed and listened to your tossing and turning until he finally managed to sleep himself. Only to dream of you.

                                                      ***

Ben settled the bill, walked out of the restaurant and kept walking. The entire time thinking back on the days, weeks before the fight was due to occur. Something had seemed off about you. Or maybe that was just hindsight. If he had noticed anything, if he had ever thought you seemed out of sorts, he’d put it down to stress from auditions, trying to find the next job. It wasn’t always easy lining up another project after one had finished. He understood how stressful it could be, especially for an actress like you who was on the cusp of something bigger, looking for your big break. But maybe he’d been blind. After that dinner, after everything you said, there was no denying that something more was going on.

You’d been…not your usual self. From the moment you arrived. He’d asked if you were nervous, but he hadn’t been able to see any of the usual signs. No bouncing let, no bitten lip. So nervous wasn’t it. But you weren’t happy either. He had been though, happy to see you, happy to be with you again. Even with the looming argument. Truthfully, he’d been thinking of what would happen after, when you were alone together and able to just hang out or whatever. He should have realised things were going south the moment you told him to stop looking so happy. He just kept repeating the evening over and over, rewinding and rerunning every moment as if he could figure it all out just from that. Another moment leapt to the front of his mind. “So having a public spat doesn’t bother you but you almost lost your lunch over our first date?” “That was just because the whole situation was new and I felt weird about going on a date with you.” That had hurt though he knew he shouldn’t have let it. Of course you’d have felt weird about going on a date with someone you had no interest in just for the sake of a movie. But still, it had hurt. A taste of what was to come. “Are you nervous?” You didn’t really seem to care what he said. Of course, he hadn’t given you the whole truth. It wasn’t totally dishonest to say argument scenes made him more nervous than love scenes but that was omitting bigger elements. Maybe it would have been more truthful to say the concept of a public fight wasn’t something he was particularly fond of. But at the time he’d felt like if he’d said then he’d have ended up admitting that it was especially true when you were involved. That all he wanted to do was look after you and love you, not argue in a room full of strangers just trying to enjoy a nice meal. After that he felt like he hadn’t been able to get you to say more than a few words. You who was usually so open and conversational. You who he’d spent more time with recently than just about anyone else. You who he could always talk to, joke around with. It was frustrating that you wouldn’t just tell him. He remembers feeling frustrated, of getting short with you. He regretted that. But that was when he was sure something was wrong. He might have ignored all the signs before that but as soon as he felt you had closed yourself off, he wanted to know why. Wanted to figure out what was bothering you, what could have happened. A fight with Felicity? Bad news about an audition? Maybe he’d said something offhanded and hadn’t realised he’d upset you (god if thats the case I want to know even more so I can apologise a hundred times over). He asked about it all, wanted to make things better, but then you were letting rip. Completely off book and unscripted, even when he gave you cues to get back on track. He would have been impressed with your performance except he was so taken aback by it. Without thinking he’d reached for your hand. He can see it happening in his mind, as if he were viewing the scene from above. The way you’d wrenched your hand away, leaving his sitting uselessly in the middle of the table. And all he could hear was “clingy and needy” in your voice with such…what was it, disgust? Hatred? And before he could so much as open his mouth to stop you, you were gone. That’s not what was meant to happen. You were meant to leave together and laugh about it afterwards. He wasn’t meant to be walking through London on his own, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was then that Ben looked up and realised he didn’t know where he’d walked to. He considered stepping into a bar with all the noise to drown out your voice, all the alcohol he could handle to make him forget. Clingy and needy. But he thought better of it and turned to hail a cab instead. What he couldn’t stop himself from doing was calling you, though he was left disappointed when it went straight to voicemail. He listened for the beep as if he were going to leave a message but when the beep came he didn’t know what to say. What could he possibly say? What changed? Am I really so clingy? What can I do? Closer to home he tried again but the same thing happened. He hung up before the beep.

As he was letting himself inside his phone rang and for the length of a heartbeat he thought it was you. But it wasn’t. It was just Peter telling him that the video had gone live, congratulating you both for putting on such a good show, being so convincing. He ran through some early statistics, something about how many times it had been shared already, and then followed it by saying they wanted separation for a few weeks, until the make up dinner. Ben listened in a daze. When Peter finally hung up Ben opened twitter. The video was easy to find. He put his phone down on the kitchen bench and moved to pour himself a drink. Maybe he didn’t have quite as much alcohol as a bar, but he had enough to do the trick. His phone was staring at him the entire time. He shook his head, moved the phone to his pocket and headed to his bedroom. His guitar was there, the perfect way to clear his head. He picked it up, sat on the end of the bed and, without thinking, he played the opening chords of that song. Your song. With a slight clatter as his hands knocked the wood, he let the guitar drop back to the bed, trying to dig his phone out of his pocket. The video was still there, waiting for him. Proof. It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t made up. He couldn’t see your face from the angle it was taken. But he could see the tension in your shoulders, the way you pulled your hand back as if you couldn’t think of anything worse than having him touch you. And he could hear you. Clingy and needy.

Ben watched it just the once, unable to suffer through it again. It wass already playing on a loop in his head, he didn’t really need the visual reminder. And then he called Joe. There wasn’t really much else he could do. No one else he could talk to about it. Joe had seen it, had watched it, and he commented on how good it looked, how real it seemed. “I think that’s because it was. Y/N went completely off book. We didn’t plan it to be like that,” “Is that why you look so shocked?” “Yeah, guess so.” Ben gulped down a mouthful of his drink and wished he’d brought the bottle with him. “I’m trying very hard not to call her something beginning with B right now,” “Joe she’s not a bitch, she’s…I don’t know. Something must have happened, I just don’t know what. “Maybe she’s starting to crack? Pressure of keeping up a fake relationship is getting to her,” “Can you try not to sound too excited by the idea. I’d remind you I do actually love her and if things work out between us I’d like for you to meet her.” “You can’t blame me for disliking her when I get a call from you every other day telling me she’s broken your heart again,” “You’re such a drama queen,” “Fine, I’ll try to keep my dislike to a minimum. But could it be that? I know she doesn’t have the same baggage as you but it’s probably not easy for her either,” “She called me clingy. Needy. Why would she say that?” “Because she’s a bitch.” “Bloody hell Joe,” “Unless…” “Unless what?” “Is there any chance she knows?” “You mean about me? Come off it, absolutely not. It’s not like I tell everyone I meet about it. You’re the only person who knows.” “Alright, then it must be something else.” “What do I do? I can’t,” Ben sighed, “It was meant to be different. We were going to have words at the restaurant and then go home together looking tense and then laugh about it when we were alone but instead…instead I’m home alone with half a bottle of whisky and a fake girlfriend who won’t answer my calls. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?” “Just give her some space Ben. You don’t know it was you. It could have been any number of things. It might just be that she was having a bad day and because you were already set to have the spat, you caught the brunt of her frustration. She’ll call in a day or two, embarrassed and apologising and you can go back to pining in peace. Out of curiosity, what was the fight originally going to be like?” “Oh, um…We’d decided that I was going to suggest she meet my family and she was going to say she wasn’t ready for that and it was all getting too serious or something like that.” “Well, that’s pretty much what she actually said isn’t it?” Ben thought for a moment. He’d been so wrapped up in her description of him, he’d not really thought about the overall message of her monologue, “Yeah, I suppose it is.” “See, she wasn’t as off script as you thought. She just jumped the gun a bit and took you by surprise. I’d guarantee that it’s something else entirely and you just happened to be the unlucky outlet for her anger.” “Maybe you’re right. She did say that thing about pretending everything was okay and acting like we’re serious….how I love her more than she loves me,” “And you’re certain she doesn’t know,” “100 per cent. She’s never had the chance to find out,” “Then of course I’m right, it was just an issue of timing and you being in the line of fire,” “Maybe I should see her,” “No! Bad idea Ben. Really bad idea.” “I just want to be sure it wasn’t my fault. If I’d been less wrapped up in pretending she was my girlfriend then may-” “Stop beating yourself up. Just try not to drink too much and get some sleep. She’ll sort herself out and call when she’s less mortified by the whole thing.” “Okay, yeah,” “And for fucks sake, stay off twitter,” Ben hung up, feeling marginally better but unable to shake the feeling that it was somehow his fault. Clingy and needy. Clingy and needy. Clingy. And needy. The way you’d spat the words at him. The way you’d stormed out. He sighed, slumped forward, and ran his hands down his face. No, Joe’s right, it’s not you. But, as much as he repeated it, Ben still found tears clinging to his palms as he pulled them away.

                                                      ***

Ben looked at his phone and bit his lip. His eyes shifted back to the ocean of brake lights ahead of the car and then back to his phone. He was already running late and the traffic didn’t seem to be moving. God he did not want to be late. Not after everything that had happened. Not after you’d cleared up the mess from the fight, not after he’d made such an effort to be less clingy, to give you more space. Things weren’t back to normal by any stretch but at least you were talking again, at least you’d missed him. The conversation you’d had the previous night, staying on the phone to watch TV. He’d been surprised by your suggestion but equally as thrilled. It had to be a sign that you felt something too. People don’t just watch episodes of TV over the phone for anyone, do they? He was in with a chance, he knew it. But, in the hours after the episode had ended and the call with it, he’d come to one conclusion. He had to tell you. He had to bite the bullet and tell you. If he wanted something real with you, you had to know. And if he kept it secret any longer it could lead to more arguments which he definitely did not want. What he wanted was for you to understand why he’d become so attached, and hopefully, to reciprocate. So he was going to tell you. And he couldn’t be late.

As the car inched forward Ben made up his mind. He was going to be there on time, one way or another. With a thankful word to the driver he got out of the car and hurried onto the pavement, beginning to walk towards the restaurant. He’d spent all day feeling like he was about to have a heart attack, chest aching with how badly he wanted to see you and how nervous he was about your reaction. He wasn’t going to fuck up now. As he walked a display in a shop window caught his eye and he quickly stepped inside. The bell tinkled as he entered, getting the assistant’s attention. She gave him a up and down glance as she greeted him, as if trying to determine the occasion based on his outfit alone. “Welcome to Coming Up Roses, what can I do for you?” “I need a bouquet,” “I can certainly help with that. Any flowers you had in mind?” “Uhhh not really. Spur of the moment,” “Well what’s the occasion then? I have flowers for everything from weddings to funerals, I’m sorry to Congratulations,” “Um, I’m about to tell the girl of my dreams that I’m in love with her,” The woman smiled, “I’ve got just the thing,”

A minute later and Ben was once again hurrying up the street, clutching the freshly wrapped bouquet, his heart pounding as he tried not to worry about how much time was passing. He had to pause at one point to get a map up on his phone, unsure of the restaurant’s exact location. He was further away than he thought and quickened his step, threading through groups of people on nights out, trying not to bump into anyone. You were already there, waiting. He could see you from half a street away and ran to meet you, kissing your cheek and handing over the bouquet before he really registered that that’s what he was doing. It was only as you were smelling the flowers and complementing them that he realised you were there, actually there, and he suddenly felt extra nervous about it all. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” Ben wanted to die, wanted to be sucked into a hole in the ground, sent through a time warp, anything to not be there babbling at you like a fucking idiot. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy.” Shut up “Now you have to carry them around all night,” fucking shut up, “what was I thinking?” for the love of all that is holy, “And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” He didn’t know what had come over him, but he wished it would go away. And things only got worse as he looked you over, took in your whole appearance. Seeing you just made him want you even more, especially with how gorgeous you looked. He wanted to kiss you, tell you. But he had to be able to speak to tell you and he wasn’t going to be able to do that until he relaxed a little. A drink, that’s what he needed. He downed his first one fast, willing it to work its magic. It did help calm him, though your laugh just made his heart race again. Halfway through the next glass he felt like he could say it and was on the verge of just getting it out into the open when you were interrupted, shown to your table. He took it as a sign that it would be bad timing and that he needed to wait. Instead he focused on just having a good night with you. The memory of your last dinner was still in the back of his mind but he pushed it away by reminding himself that things were better now. He felt himself relax more as you talked and with every touch you gave him. The drinks were definitely part of it too but he put it down to you mostly. How much you sooth him, how happy he finds himself when he’s in your presence. He could breathe properly again. You startled him a little by saying Joe would want to meet you but of course, you don’t know that he knows that it’s all a big production so you just meant it in a friend-being-curious-about-the-girlfriend type way. Very far from the truth. But Ben agrees and changes the topic.

When dessert arrived, he thought maybe that could be a good time to say it because it’s the end of the meal and you can leave quickly if you need to. But before he get’s to it he finds himself asking something else instead. “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” He hoped he hadn’t wrecked the evening by bringing it up but he was curious too, “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” Ben worried at his lip as he watched you slowly finish your mouthful and set the spoon down. “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” That was a relief. Proof that you were on the same page again, back to normal. And proof that you did care about him. “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” This is it, this is your moment, “Like, um,” He wanted to say it, had the words picked out already but, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk driving you away again, causing another scene. Maybe he could say it back at his place, away from the cameras and the interested public. Maybe that would be smarter. All the same, he felt disappointed with himself for not having the guts to just tell you, and to try to cover the moment asked if you wanted to leave. As you step outside he remembers the kiss that was expected and he leans in to remind you. It’s more than a kiss though, different to all the other times you’d kissed. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it. Any excuse really. And he says as much when he, somewhat accidentally admits to having missed kissing you. It was a thought that somehow slipped out of his mouth, but either you didn’t hear him or you were too caught up in the moment to say anything. Or she feels the same. He pushed the hopeful thought down as you kissed him back. His heart pounded as he felt your hands on his chest, as if it were trying to tell you what he’d been too much of a coward to say. And then you whined and settled on his lap and god what a fucking gorgeous sound. He’d spent months getting off to the memory of a hum and now you were gifting him a whine? An eager, excited whine at that. The sort of thing he’d been trying to imagine and it was so much better than anything he’d come up with. Your hand was in his hair and he very nearly echoed your noise back to you from that alone, but it caught in his throat as you kept kissing him, tongues twisting, your chest pressed against his. He wanted to hold you close and touch every part of you he could reach all at once, unsure of whether to grab your arse or you hip or the back of your neck. So he did a bit of it all, slid his hand along your arm and then down your back and then to your arse. And all too soon it stops. He could have cursed that driver and the heartless car horn that interrupted and sent reality crashing back down around him.

Once you were inside the safe zone of his house, away from the act, he expected things to go back to normal. You’d take off your makeup and then make a cup of tea and fill a glass of water for your flowers and you’d wind down with something on TV before you both went to bed. He’d have to have a shower to get off without you suspecting anything because there was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of your tits pressed against him and your whine and your kiss swimming around his head. But you don’t walk to the bathroom like you normally do. He pulls the wallet from his pocket, places it deliberately next to his keys. But you still haven’t moved. He turns slowly, notices the way you swallow and lick your lips and he swears he’s on the verge of asking what you’re doing or saying something about it being a mistake, at least the thought crosses his mind, but you were standing so close (when did she get so close?) and when you kiss him again he just kisses back.

It’s a mistake probably, definitely, he knows that. He can hear the siren in his head again telling him to stop, pull away. But the problem is that it doesn’t feel like a mistake, doesn’t feel like it should be, and when he takes a step back you step with him and again and again until he’s somehow on the couch with you on his lap again. And why would he stop that, why would he say no to you when you fit there so perfectly and you feel so good? And all he can think about is that whine and that hum from all those months ago and he wants to see what other sounds he can pull from you so he drops his lips to your neck. “Wait, wait,” He’s confused as to why you’re stopping him and even more confused when you’re not in his arms anymore. “It’s rule one Ben,” Bugger rule one. Bugger all the fucking rules, you’ve broken most of them tonight anyway if they weren’t already broken. A voice in the back of his head reminds him what a big mistake that would be, but it can’t argue against making out. Making out isn’t against the rules and you know it too, you hesitate when he says it out loud. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” he’s not sure if he’s talking about here and now, physically, or something deeper, something in the realm of boyfriend but what does it matter because both are true. You shake your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” And then it all comes out. That you knew about his crush. And everything stops. Just stops. He can’t breathe, air doesn’t exist anymore, and he’d say his heart had stopped too except he can hear it pounding in his ears, drowning out whatever you’re saying. You knew? You’d known for months? All those times Joe had suggested it, all that time he spent worrying about keeping it from you and you already fucking knew? And then everything seems to speed up all at once. The air rushes back, as loud as his heart, which only doubles it’s pounding until he can feel it trying to punch a hole through his chest and escape. Rational thought returns, connecting dots and drawing conclusions almost faster than he can keep up. “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He has to laugh at how fucking ridiculous an idea that is. That space would have ever helped him purge you from his system. Love isn’t that easy to get rid of. And his tongue must have sped up with the rest of his body because he’s saying it, the thing he’s been putting of saying, the thing he’s been wanting to tell you all night, and he wishes he could stop because this isn’t how he wanted it to go. This wasn’t how you were meant to find out. But no matter how much he screams at himself he can’t take it back. It’s out there. And you look horrified. “You love me?” Three words have never been spoken with more contempt than you managed to cram into that once sentence. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” Your silence cuts through him like a knife, shredding what little hope remained. His heart isn’t beating against his chest anymore. It’s been kicked across the room and lies lifeless against the wall.  “That’s what I thought.”

He can’t be here anymore, can’t look at you. He wants to leave but he remembers all the cameras outside, reminds you of their presence in case you’re planning the same escape he is. He’s trapped there and so are you. So he puts as much space between you as he can, heads to his room and slumps heavily onto the end of his bed. All he can think about is those three words, you love me? Not a hopeful question. Not even stunned surprise.  More of an accusation. He tastes blood but otherwise barely notices when he tears his lip with his teeth. You must hate him for getting you both into this mess. He hates that he’s done it, that he’s put you in this position. And he knows you’re never going to want to speak with him let alone see him again. And he knows that as soon as the cameras leave, you’ll leave too. And that thought hurts just as much as everything else. You’re moving about, he can hear you walking around. It sounds like you’re pacing. Five steps and then a turn and then five more steps, another turn. Something about the rhythm breaks through his overactive, panicking, worrying mind. Something about it calms him. Maybe it’s that knowing you’re restless and agitated makes him want to comfort you, despite everything he’s feeling. Or maybe it’s just because the sound of your footfall means you’re still here. And if you’re still here then maybe he can smooth things over. He doesn’t expect to fix everything. He’d understand if you still wanted to erase him from your contacts and pretend you were only ever colleagues. But if he can just explain himself, explain that he never meant for this to happen, explain why he kept it from you or tried to anyway and maybe explain what he’d wanted tonight to be instead of the clusterfuck it’d become. If he can get any of that out then maybe you won’t hate him quite so much.

He says your name softly, not sure he’s allowed to say your name, “I heard you pacing.” “Sorry, I’ll keep the noise down.” “No, that’s not- it’s okay. I just thought, since we’re both clearly awake and since they haven’t left yet, I thought you might like a cuppa.” “I didn’t think you drank tea,” Have you really not noticed yet? He never bought tea bags, until you started coming to stay over regularly. Twice you opined about not being able to have a cup of tea before bed and that was all it took for him to start keeping them in his cupboard along with the biscuits you prefer. That’s how he knows it’s love. He took a breath as he pulled out mugs and stuck the kettle on, resolutely not looking at you. If he looks at you he’ll spill his guts and won’t be able to stop. He has to make tea first. Just the way you like it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” It comes out the second he looks at your face and it’s only that you’re telling him you understand that he doesn’t immediately say more. He drops his eyes to the brown liquid in his mug, undrinkable in his opinion, but a perfectly adequate distraction. He needs to get the words right this time. No stumbling and stuttering, no blurting things out without thinking. He needs to say it right so you’ll listen and understand what he’s trying to do. “I promise I understand where you’re at and I’m not going to try and convince you or to chase you or anything like that. I really am trying not to feel this way.” He glances back at your eyes, terrified of what he’d see there. “It’s okay Ben, I know you wouldn’t. I just wasn’t expecting you to drop the L bomb.” “Please don’t hate me,” it’s a whisper compared to everything else he’s said but there’s no way to make his voice stronger. It’s the thing he’s most worried about and admitting it out loud to you is harder than he imagined it would be. “I could never,” the sincerity with which you say it is almost enough to make him cry but the hug is what pushes him over the edge. It’s more warmth and kindness than he thinks he deserves after everything he’s done. And it’s exactly what he needed. Comfort and reassurance in one simple gesture. He wraps his arms around you for the third time that night, his face pressed into the cook of your neck, and you let him, squeezing back, as he lets everything out.

                                                        ***

The night after you met Joe, Ben visits him again, this time without you. It had always been the plan, to see Joe a few times, as much as the press circuit would allow, while he was in the US. But after the previous night it’s more necessary. And yet, Ben was struggling to vocalise any of his questions. It’s not until after dinner, when Joe suggests they take their drinks out onto the veranda, that any of it comes up. It’s peaceful out there, sitting in the cool night air, each of them taking turns to swig from their beer bottle as they talk. But Ben’s mind is constantly disrupted with thoughts of you. It’s the first time since all the promotion stuff started that he’s had more than a couple of minutes away from your side. Joe isn’t helping, constantly glancing at Ben, frowning, as if he’s trying to work something out. But he’s the first to crack, making it easier for Ben to talk. “How’s it going?” “Press is fine, bit boring. You know how repetitive it can get,” “And you know that’s not what I meant,” “Yeah. Nah, everything’s fine. Mostly,” “Mostly?” “It’s not easy having to share a room with her. I mean, it’s fun though. I’m glad she’s the one I’m doing all this shit with. We’re mates and we’ve been working so closely for so long now that we…get each other. Like there was this interview where one of the questions made me uncomfortable and she knew straight away and broke in to take some of the heat. She just says whatever she can to make me laugh or ease the tension or whatever will help. And I know when she’s getting nervous and needs a break or a fresh cuppa. But when it’s just us in our suite it’s…hard. I don’t know, I’m just trying to keep some distance even though there’s not much to be had. What did you think of her?” “Honestly?” “Of course,” “She’s perfect for you. Except for the not being interested part.” Ben nodded, letting his eyes fall to where his fingernail was digging into the label on his bottle. “Although…” “What?” Ben looked back at Joe, “You think she might be?” “I don’t know. And I don’t want to get your hopes up. She certainly doesn’t think she is. I asked her about it while you were out here last night and she was adamant that she doesn’t think of you that way but that’s not how it looked to me.” “We had a moment yesterday. Just before we came here. Nearly kissed.” “Seriously? Again?” “I stopped it. Kind of wish I hadn’t. Maybe if something happened, she’d change her mind,” “I know I’m not part of this situation and I wasn’t there and can only go off of what you’ve said and the one time I’ve met her but, for what it’s worth, I think you made the right call.” “Yeah?” “I don’t think you want anything to happen with her until you’re both more sure where you stand. Definitely not while you’re stuck sharing a hotel room.” “But what if -” Joe shook his head, “I watched her last night. She looked at you a lot and not just because you were the one talking. She also smiled a lot whenever your attention was on her. I was half expecting her to say she had a thing for you but wasn’t sure if she should tell you or something like that. So I think there is a good chance she is attracted to you but for some reason, doesn’t want to admit it and I think sleeping with her would just make things more complicated and worse for both of you. You said she had her little freak out thing when you were hooking up after that date. You don’t want to let things get further and have her freak out again.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just confusing myself because we’ve been in such close quarters. I just wish things were more certain y’know? Like, she keeps saying she doesn’t like me as more than a friend but then we’ll have a moment like we did in the hotel, or like on the plane when she was leaning on my shoulder to help with my crossword puzzle, or when we fucking made out. And then I’m back getting my hopes up only for her to turn around and crush me again. And it’s probably nothing anyway. Just pent up urges since we’ve been fucking trapped in this for months now.” “I don’t know man, it might be more than that. She seemed really into you last night.” “Nah. She’s horny and I’m there and that’s why we’ve had these near kisses and stuff. She’s said she doesn’t like me so that’s it. Maybe it’s better that way anyway.” Joe shook his head again but let the subject drop, “So how long are you here for again? There’s this restaurant up the road I should take you to.”

                                                      ***

The closer he got to his parent’s place the more tightly wound Ben felt. Bringing a girl home to meet the family was always at least a little nerve wracking – wondering whether they’d like her, whether she’d like them, how many embarrassing stories he’d have to sit through. But he could safely say that with you it was worse than with anyone else. There was so much history with you, despite never having legitimately dated, that he couldn’t stop thinking about. You meant so much to him. And he knew his mum was going to love you (how could she not) and that meant he was going to be asked why it took him so long to bring you around and about where it was headed and they were questions he didn’t really feel up to answering. Of course, on top of all of that, there was the prospect of sharing a room with you, maybe a bed. You hadn’t entirely worked out the arrangement and not knowing was just making him more nervous. Not just for himself either, for you as well. If he was nervous he could only imagine you were too. You were going to be facing questions as well, judgement from a new family. A family you didn’t even want to be part of. So he kept close to you all night. Because it’s easier to pretend to be a couple when you’re by his side and it’s easier to avoid tough conversations when he has the excuse of introducing you to someone else up his sleeve. And it’s so much easier to keep his folks away from you when he’s got your hand in his. He does circuits of the garden with you, chats to everyone with you, repeating the story of how you met and the fiction of how you started dating. And the whole time he’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself at least a little because you don’t even have actual feelings for him to push you on. He’d gladly endure first meetings with every single member of your family tree if you asked but he knows you’re only there because you have to be. Unfortunately, he’s also had a bit to drink so eventually he has to relieve himself, silently cursing his bladder because it means he has to leave you on your own. You don’t seem to mind too much. If anything, it feels like you’ve found your feet and are actually having a good night which he’s glad for. But he still goes as quick as he can.

He’s on his way back when he sees you and instantly realises something’s wrong. Your leg is bouncing so rapidly it’s a wonder you don’t knock the underside of the table, and you’re looking around as if you’re trying to find him. His first thought is that someone has said something inappropriate. There’s plenty of drunk cousins around and who knows what one of them might have said or done in a misguided attempt to be charming or impressive or flirtatious. But then he realises who you’re sitting next to and his stomach drops. So he hurries over to the table and takes the seat beside you, laying his hand on your knee to try to calm you. It works well enough for you to be able to sit there a little longer until he can find a reasonable excuse to leave the table and his mum. He’s not in the mood to be at the party anymore and leads you to the exit, politely waving off anyone who tries to convince you both to stay a little longer. “Better?” he asks once you’re outside, relieved when you say yes. “She mentioned us getting married,” “What? Why the fuck would that have come up?” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d been prepared for a lot but not that. “It was just a passing comment but I….” “It’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home you can tell me everything.” Without thinking he pulled you into a hug, breathing out when he felt you lean into him.

By the time he got back to the house Ben wanted another drink. You’d sat under his arm the entire ride back, keeping quiet, obviously lost in thought as you absentmindedly played with his fingers. Every brush had made him want to take your hand properly and tilt your head up to kiss you, irresponsible and selfish as it might be. One of the upsides of being back home was knowing where his parents hid their best booze, so he dug out a bottle of his dad’s Johnnie Walker, feeling a little like a teenager again, pinching a drink to impress a girl. You laughed though so he counted it as a win. But the reason you were alone together, no longer at the party, was still weighing on him and clearly on you as well. “So what happened back there?” He handed you a glass and waited until you felt you could speak. “I guess it was just harder to be around your family than I was expecting.” Everything you said made sense he supposed. He’d not really considered it that way because he wasn’t so much lying as just playing pretend. But, as much as he wished you were on the same page, he understood where your guilt came from. He tried to make you laugh again but when it didn’t work he set his glass down and took your hand. “Seriously, Y/N, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. The premiere is coming up in a couple of weeks and then pretty soon after that we’ll break up and I’ll tell them it just wasn’t working. They’ll accept it and never have to know the truth. And then we can forget this whole thing and move on.” His chest tightened at the thought of it, not being allowed to even pretend to have you anymore but he clamped down on it for your sake. “But it must be hard for you too. Having me here and everything,” He half shrugged, looking down at where his thumb was brushing the back of your hand softly, “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” Ben glanced back at you, about to tell you it was sweet of you to care about how he was doing, but when he saw your expression he stopped.

He was a little shocked by the kiss, stumbling back a step or two, the warning siren blaring in his head again. Everything told him to run away and yet his feet were frozen in place. Joe had been right when he said he shouldn’t do this, and he’d been here before. It hadn’t gone well then so what made him think it would be better this time? But somehow he can’t find the words and you kiss him again and he decides he’s going to let it happen. He’s sick of trying to fight how badly he wants you and you clearly want this too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be trying to undress him. He decides he’s going to let himself be selfish for once and just go with it. After the decisions made it all turns into a bit of a blur really. You’re leaning against the table and then he’s carrying you up to his room and it’s like every almost kiss, every missed opportunity and pent up moment you’d never let yourselves have is breaking all at once. You’re on his bed now and god he’s wanted you like this for so fucking long and who cares if it’s wrong. One night won’t matter. And he’s surprised by how wet you are when you pull his hand towards your cunt but he loves that you’re taking the initiative and that you clearly want him just as much as he wants you. You don’t tell him to stop. You tell him how to touch you, what feels good, and he loves that about you too. Even more than he loves how you sound saying his name as you clench on his fingers and shiver through your orgasm and fuck, he thought the whine from last time was a captivating sound but it has nothing on this, on how you sound when you cum for him. He’s going to be thinking about that moment, about you saying his name like that forever. He wants to be inside you, wants to hear it again, wants to make you feel even better and he’s forgotten where you are and how you got there so he leans over and realises this isn’t this room. This room isn’t as prepared as he’d like. For a moment he thinks that’s it and maybe it’s for the best except then you say you have condoms as you get up and rummage through your bags. He wants to know why – were you planning this or are you always just prepared like that? – except then you’re coming back towards him and he really doesn’t care why, just that you do. You climb on top of him and he feels breathless at the sight. He wants to worship you, every inch of you, and he wants to be as close as possible, pushing himself up to kiss you again because he loves you. He says it without meaning to but he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to get you to moan his name again, rubbing your clit until you’re both finished, breathing hard against each other. You’re kissing along his jaw and he wants to stay like that forever, blissed out and tangled in each other’s embrace. But reality rushes back, ignoring how desperately he’s trying to cling to the moment, and he realises how messy everything suddenly is. It hurts too. Knowing it’s not real, knowing that you don’t want what he wants. He remembers what he said just moments before, that confession whispered against your lips, and it makes him feel queasy with embarrassment on top of the heartache that’s already setting in. How many times does he have to put himself through this pain before he gets it through his head? It’s not reciprocated. It never will be. “I’ve gotta…” Ben nods his head in the direction of the door, hoping you’ll fill in the blank yourself. He wants to leave but he also wants to stay there with you, so he settles on shifting out of your reach and looking over at you, not quite able to meet your eye. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” Weren’t you? “Neither. Are you okay?” “Yeah. I, um, it was really good and I-I think I kind of needed it.” Ben tried to smile but it didn’t feel like it worked properly. Sure you needed it. A quick fuck to break the forced dry spell. He wanted to run from the room, flee the scene “It was good for me too. Really good. But it can’t ever happen again.” He averted his eyes again, focused on slipping back into his underwear. There was half a second where he looked around for his shirt before realising it was out at the table with the unfinished whiskies. He’d have to tidy up so no one would be able to work out what happened.

Ben downed what remained of both drinks, the burn of the alcohol a welcome distraction, though much too brief. He grabs his phone from the table, drops the glasses onto the kitchen sink and heads outside to throw the used condom into the garbage bin. As if he was going to leave the evidence of his cowardice and misjudgement inside for anyone to find. Ben turned to head back towards the door, but he didn’t want to walk through it. Inside he’d have to face you and he wasn’t sure how to do that yet. Instead he walked down the sideway into the backyard, taking a seat on the retaining wall by the flower bed of peonies. It’s not exactly warm sitting there in just his boxers and his fingers shake a little as he unconsciously find’s Joe’s name in his contacts. Joe must be busy or asleep or something (What’s the time difference again?) because he doesn’t pick up. Instead the call goes to voicemail. “Joe, it’s Ben here. Um… you’re gonna laugh so hard when you hear how fucking stupid I am,” Ben forces a laugh himself, “So I, uh, I just told Y/N that I love her….again….while we were having sex.” A pause as it sank in, “I’m not even sure how it…how we got to… We were just talking and then we were in bed and…. But it’s okay because I told her it could never happen again,” Ben thinks of how affectionate you’d been after, kissing his jaw and his nose, clinging to him, but it wasn’t real, it was just your post-sex, post-orgasm mood. He starts to laugh, less false but not entirely natural either, “I have to drive back with her tomorrow. Christ. Talk about bad timing, huh. But it’s fine though, it’s fine, totally fine. Joe, it’s fine. Because it wasn’t real. We’ve both been pent up and she spent all day with my family and had to listen to my mum talk about us maybe getting married. This was her reward. And that’s all it was. And I’m the idiot for hoping it could ever be more than that. I mean it’s not like friends don’t sometimes fuck, right? Especially when they’ve been drinking and pretending to date. Sex doesn’t have to mean feelings and it doesn’t for her and that’s fine.” There was that tight feeling in his chest again. Ben cleared his throat. “The drive will give me a chance to tell her it was a mistake. Because it was. This whole thing was a mistake. It was a mistake to fuck her and it was a mistake to bring her to meet my family and it was a mistake to pretend to date her and the biggest mistake of all of them was falling for her. And I haven’t been doing enough to reverse that. I know I said I have been, but I haven’t. I got caught up in the maybes and what ifs and I didn’t really try to move on. But now I…. It’s gotta fucking end sometime. I can’t keep doing this. So I’ve got to tell her it was a mistake and I don’t love her. Maybe I never did. Maybe I’m the same as her and it was all just because I was horny. Whatever. Now I can move on with my life. She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her and she’ll just be some bitch I nailed and we’ll both be happy, right?” Ben sighed and swiped at his blurry eyes. He’s not sure if the voicemail cut out midway through his thought process but it probably doesn’t matter. Movement from upstairs catches his eye. You in his old bedroom, getting dressed and leaving the room. He’s a little worried that if he heads back inside now he’ll bump into you on your way to get a drink from the kitchen but he can’t sit outside in the chill air all night. He takes a breath and swipes his knuckle over his eyes again before heading back inside, creeping towards the bedroom. You weren’t anywhere to be seen, though he guesses that means you’re in the bathroom. When he reached the bedroom again, he dug into the closet and pulled out a number of spare blankets, stealing a pillow from the bed. It’s not a particularly comfortable nest that he makes but it’s warm and doesn’t smell as much like you as the bed does. The pillow still holds a trace of you, but he flips it over and the scent is gone. He’s there when you get back, already pretending to sleep, curled in on himself facing away from you. “Ben?” He squeezes his eyes tighter shut, listening as you flick off the light and tiptoe back towards the bed. There’s a creak of springs as you get comfortable and then another as you move again. “Ben?” Your voice sounds even softer that time and Ben is tempted to answer but he bites his tongue. “Ben I-I…. Goodnight.” There’s another creak as you settle back down again. Ben lies perfectly still until he’s sure you aren’t going to move again. He doesn’t want to hear whatever you’re trying to say. It’ll just be everything he already knows. So he keeps quiet and feigns sleep in the hopes that real sleep will bring it’s respite sooner rather than later.

                                                      ***

Ben’s phone rang and he admonished himself for hoping it was you. He was meant to be getting over you. Besides, the hope was misplaced. It was his mum. “How did Y/N’s audition go?” “Uh,” It took him a moment to remember the excuse he’d made up, “yeah, well I think.” “She’s lovely, Ben. I’m glad you finally let us meet her,” “Yeah,” He didn’t know how else to respond but his mother didn’t need much more encouragement than that. “You should bring her back soon, I’d love to have more of a chance to get to know her. It was a bit hard with so many people there.” “Yeah, um, I’d have to check when we’re free.” He said, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you could find one night for us,” “Yeah. But there’s the premier coming soon and we’ve both got auditions and meetings lined up so I don’t know for sure. But let me talk to Y/N and we’ll find a day that works.” “Maybe a weekend? You could stay for a couple of days then, wouldn’t have to rush off.” “We’ll see. Depends.” “Don’t leave it too long honey,” “I won’t mum. Sorry, I’ve got to run, expecting a call back about something.” “Alright, love you,” “Love you too mum,” Ben threw his phone to the other side of the couch and sighed. He’d been expecting that call but that didn’t make it any easier to get through. Not when he’d spent the last few days thinking about that night and everything that had happened. The way your lips felt on his, the way you’d looked sitting on his lap, the way you’d sounded when you came. He shook his head as if he were an etch-a-sketch but the thoughts didn’t disappear, they just morphed into thoughts of later, in the car on the way home. How you’d nodded when he’d said he didn’t love you, clearly overjoyed with the news but trying not to show it.

 Ben hadn’t gone cold turkey with you, there was still some contact, but he refrained from anything too unnecessary, spent as much time as he could with his other friends, and tried to keep any replies to you as simple as possible. Unfortunately his parents was less restrained. A few days later his mum called again, checking if he’d had a chance to invite you over yet. The day after he received a message from his dad suggesting he come down for lunch on the weekend (and encouraging him to bring you along), and then a couple days after that there was another call, one which he ignored. Every time he was thrown back to that night. But not even ignoring the calls helped. It just left him dwelling on everything and it didn’t even deter them. When next his mum called he found himself in yet another conversation on the topic and only just managed to stop himself from hanging up in her ear. He couldn’t do it anymore. It was pointless, all of it. The part of him that had thought you’d fall for him if you slept together had been proven wrong so there was nothing left to hope for. But with his family and friends thinking you were dating, always asking after you, and with you texting him memes and requesting his help, how was he meant to move on? What he needed was a clean break. But the breakup wasn’t scheduled until after the premiere and it wasn’t like a date had been set, it was up to the studio or your agents or someone else. And Ben wasn’t sure how he’d be able to wait it out that long.

 A breakthrough came in an email from Peter, an update about the movie Ben had signed on for. Originally it was meant to film in England, but those plans were in the process of changing. Part of it would still be done around London but now it seemed a big portion of the filming would happen in Spain too. Peter seemed unsure as to how this change would clash with the plans for the breakup but Ben saw it as the opportunity he needed. He wouldn’t be leaving until after the premiere anyway so it wouldn’t change your last public appearance together, but it would also work as the clean break he’d been looking for. Plus, as he reasoned to Peter, they could use the distance as an excuse for why the breakup happened. Peter seemed to like the idea and agreed that the change of location wouldn’t affect anything enough to make Ben drop out. Ben was relieved, having been excited about the project since he first picked up the script, and began looking forward to getting away from you properly. Being in a completely different country would give him the time and space he needed to stop thinking about you. It would be easy to sever all ties to you and get on a plane and move on, maybe meet someone who could drive you from his mind. He’d have to break up with you though, not just through the press but as a friend too. He couldn’t have you texting him while he was away or commenting on photos he posted online. It had to be complete. He had to remove you from his life entirely. After the premiere would be a good time to tell you. He’d pull you aside at the party or maybe tell you in the limo on the way home. It’d be hard to explain but you’d understand. She’s probably been wondering how to get rid of you anyway. Surely, you’d be pleased to hear he was going to leave you alone, not bother you with his stupid feelings anymore. You’d agree it was for the best.

                                                      ***

The night of the premiere snuck up on Ben. He’d been distracted with warding off his parents every invitation, on top of sorting out everything for his trip to Spain. Before he knew it the night had arrived making him feel equal parts excited about seeing the final product of what he’d spent so many months working on and anxious about seeing you. All he could think about was what he was going to say to you. He felt bad about cutting you from his life but there was relief too, knowing it’d be over soon. As he dressed in the suit his stylist had picked out he went over the speech he’d mentally written. It’s just a breakup, you’ve done it before. Tell her you’re sorry but you can’t see her anymore. That’s all you have to do. So, it was with this confusing mixture of emotions that he got into the limo and he only felt more ill at ease as he approached your place to pick you up. “You look lovely,” he said as you climbed into the car beside him. It came out more robotic than he meant it to. But there was a sense that this was the last time he’d be allowed to properly look at you so, while you were getting settled and taking in the interior of the limousine, he allowed himself a final chance to look you over. A hundred other adjectives to describe how beautiful you were, all dressed up and glowing, popped into his head but he kept those to himself. He couldn’t second guess his decision now. It was the only way to stop caring about you. And yet, he could feel his resolve crumbling just from being near you for the first time in weeks. No. Don’t let her get to you. This is why you can’t be in contact. Ben felt his hand curl into a fist as he reminded himself how useful the space would be. What he needed was some rules, guidelines to follow to help him stick to his plan. He ignored the irony as he came up with them. No holding hands. Actually, make that no physical contact. No voluntary physical contact anyway. He was bound to be asked by someone to take a photo with you or appear on camera with you and he couldn’t refuse if they asked for him to touch you or kiss you or anything. Do as many interviews as you can without her. That would hopefully keep interactions to a minimal. Don’t look at her during the movie.

 It was surprisingly easy to stick to the rules as you both made your way down the red carpet, but he knew it wasn’t so much his choice as it was how busy and noisy and chaotic everything was. People called his name from every side, reporters looking for quick interviews, fans looking for autographs or photos. He was able to sidestep you easily, answering questions that were thrown at him on his own until someone asked if they could speak to you both at once or get a photo of you together. Whenever you were waved over to join him, he attempted to maintain as much space as he could, but you seemed to have set your own rules just to make it harder for him. You took his hand, leant your head on his shoulder, stood so close your leg brushed against his, stroked your hand over his arm, anything and everything you could to be closer to him. Ben wasn’t sure if you really were acting more affectionate (clingy and needy) than normal or if it just felt that way because he was attempting to hold back. He put up with it though, unable to do much besides press on to the next interview without you. The hardest part was when you reached a bank of photographers who wanted a number of photos of the happy couple. Someone called out for him to kiss you and then suddenly the entire crowd was calling for it. He kept it soft and brief, though a part of him regretted not making the final kiss you’d share better.

 After that he was able to escape you for a little, talking to people as everyone gathered in the theatre to watch the movie. He didn’t look at you again until he was on stage with you, introducing the film and saying his words of gratitude and celebration. But even that didn’t last long and then he was able to take his seat and focus his attention on the screen. Watching himself was always a bit of a weird experience. Part enjoying what he’s helped create, part critiquing his performance, and part wondering why it had been edited the way it had been edited. But somehow it was even stranger sitting beside you and watching you play at being in love with him. He recognised expressions, small smiles and looks, that you’d given him on dates during the course of your relationship. Just proof of how fake everything with you was. It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and an oddly jealous feeling in his gut. And he could feel you looking at him but he stuck to his rules and kept his eyes fixed ahead.

 He turned to his other side afterwards to talk to Alfie, wondering aloud how everyone would react to the movie and laughing about how well it had turned out. Ben couldn’t think what to say to you, knowing the inevitable end was coming. It was closer now that everyone was heading to the after party. So he was grateful when Alfie joined the two of you in your car. “You two ready to party?” He laughed, “Fuck I love that work gives me such a good excuse to get plastered.” Ben laughed along but he was stuck by the realisation that of course there’d be drinking. He’d have to watch how much he had, especially around you. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret or not be able to explain himself properly. “I think shots are in order to get us started. Meet you both by the bar?” “Sounds like a plan Al,” “I’m making yours a double Jones. We’ll have him dancing on the table by the end of the night, right Y/N?” “Oh I’d love to see that.” Cameras flashed as the small group got out of the car. Alfie headed off down the line, catching up with one of the others, leaving Ben and you on your own. Ben felt you press into his side, hanging off his arm, and thought about what waited in the club. Alfie with shots followed by champagne and cocktails and whatever else would be pressed on him during the night. He didn’t want to blurt it out or let it slip in front of other people. He had to tell you before he’d had anything to drink, just in case. It was now. It had to happen now.

 As soon as he was inside, Ben looked around for somewhere he could have a quiet word with you, somewhere no one was likely to overhear. A nearby mirrored hallways seemed the perfect place. Everyone else was busy heading into the main room and it was out of view of the photographers still hanging around outside, waiting for the stragglers to show up. “Can I speak to you over hear a sec?” he lead you around the corner, looking around to double check for eavesdroppers, “So, there’s something I need to…Y/N?” he realised you hadn’t been paying attention, probably keen to get inside and celebrate. “Yeah, sorry, Um…” Ben didn’t hear what you said next, too busy trying to remember everything he wanted to tell you, “I was going to hold off until later but I don’t want to let something slip after a few drinks or anything like that. I can’t do this anymore. This whole thing was a mistake that I should never have agreed to and I need it to be over now.” He could see how confused you were, “You know they’re going to break us up in like a week, right?” “Yeah well, that’s too long to wait. I’m breaking us up now.” He kept talking, sure the shock of it would wear off and you’d agree with him once you’d heard it all, “And…I don’t think I can see you again, not for a while at least. I need some space to forget this ever happened. I, um, I start my new job in a few days so I think they’ll probably use that in the magazines to explain our breakup. And I don’t expect I’ll see you until after it’s finished. If then. So…good luck with that witch movie. Take care of yourself.” He didn’t want to hear you agree with him, didn’t want to hear you say it was for the best or that you were going to suggest the same thing or even a goodbye. So he pushed past you and followed the noise until he found the bar. As promised Alfie was there, with a few others, a shot glass in each hand. He handed one to Ben. “Where’d Y/N go?” “Oh, uh, loo. She’ll be here in a minute.” “Well here’s to a job well done and hopefully some fucking record breaking box office numbers,” “Cheers to that,” Ben clinked his glass against Alfie’s and downed the shot, hissing a little, “another?” “Read my mind,” Ben lost himself in conversation and drinks, chatting with those around him for a while before moving on to talk to more people. Beer in hand, he headed towards the side of the room where a couple of the other main cast were sitting. Claudia looked up as he approached, “Heya Ben! Where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her all night,” It was only then that Ben realised he hadn’t seen you come in after he’d left you in the hallway. He glanced around in an attempt to spot you, a pang of worry shooting through him but then he stopped looking. She’s not yours to worry about anymore.

                                                      ***

Ben woke up with a minor hangover the day after the premiere. Maybe it was karma. Despite what he told himself, he’d kept an eye out for you all night, but never saw you and he was more than a little worried that it was because of what he’d said. It was tempting to call and ask where you’d gotten to but a quick glance at the clock told him you’d likely still be asleep anyway. Besides, he knew he shouldn’t. He’d told you he wasn’t going to see you again and he intended to stick to his word. Instead he sent a group message to his mates and invited them around for one last hang out before he left for Spain. The next call he made was to his mum. “Hi honey. How’d the premiere go? “It was really fun, movie looks good.” “How long before you fly out?” “Couple of days,” “Shame there’s not enough time for you and Y/N to come over for dinner,” “Yeah, um, about that… we broke up.” “What? Why?” “It just wasn’t working. Mutual decision, we both felt it had run its course but decided to keep it quiet until after the premiere. So, yeah, no dinner, even if I was going to be in the country.” “Oh, honey, are you okay?” “Yeah, fine. Like I said, we both knew it was coming so y’know, no hard feelings or anything.” “It’s a shame, she was so lovely,” “Yeah, well, sometimes things just don’t work the way you think they will.”

The boys arrived in the afternoon, bringing a mixture of snacks and a few beers with them. They settled in the living room to play video games. Ben liked the company. It was a good distraction. Or it would have been if talk hadn’t turned to you. “Bit surprised you wanted us here and not Y/N. Figured you’d spend your last days in the UK with her,” “Why would I when we broke up?” “You what? When?” Ben shrugged, “We broke up. Few days ago,” “Jesus man, I’m sorry,” “Don’t be, it’s fine. I dumped her.” “Yeah but you had to go to the premiere with her right? That’s rough,” “Was a bit but there was an open bar so I coped,” Ben laughed. “Might be time we got him back on the market then,” “What? We only broke up a couple of days ago,” “You’re clearly not too cut up about it,” “What the fuck would you know, you’ve been single for what is it, three years now?” “Well you didn’t tell us when it happened, and you never even told us when you got together. We found out through a magazine, so obviously you weren’t really that serious about her” “We were waiting until after all the movie stuff was done, and that’s bollocks.” “Excuses. Besides, getting someone new to suck you off is the best way to forget an ex. This is your phone right?” “Oi give that back,” There was a scuffle as Ben tried to grab his phone back but he was outnumbered and pinned down as the boys redownloaded his Bumble app and signed in for him, laughing about how he used the same password for everything. “She’s fit, give her a like,” “Oh I like her, might be a bit tall for you though Ben,” Ben rolled his eyes as he watched them swipe on profile after profile until they heard a noise that meant one of the girls had sent him a message. “There you go Ben, didn’t take long did it. You’ll forget all about that Y/N chick in no time,” Ben snatched his phone back, “You guys are such wankers,” “That’s not very nice considering we’ve just got you a new girl,” There was laughter and more teasing as controllers were passed around and the game was loaded. Ben closed the app, thumb hovering over it to delete it again. But maybe they were right. Maybe someone new would be good. He set the phone down again and turned his attention to the game.

                                                      ***

Spain was beautiful and having a new movie to work on was the perfect distraction, especially considering how many stunts, fight scenes, and action sequences were involved. It gave him a chance to meet more people in the industry, people he was excited to work with, and really focus on something other than you. The cast went out together frequently too, dinners at local restaurants, drinks in the hotel bar, getting lost in an unfamiliar city. There was no trace of you there, no reminders of date nights, nothing but work and a new country to explore. Occasionally he’d get a notification that a reporter or curious individual was trying to message him, asking questions about you and the split but he ignored them. Ben deleted the Bumble app too within the first few days, knowing he wouldn’t use it. There was no time, even if he’d wanted to hook up with anyone. He could always reinstall it once he was back home. Once he knew you were in the past. Because the problem was that at some point every night, Ben would get back to his hotel suite and be left alone again. For a while he’d be able to think about what scenes would be filmed the next day, maybe practice some fight choreography. But eventually he’d run out of distractions and then all that was left to think about was you. Peter had sent through the first articles that reported the breakup and since then he’d found himself wondering if you’d moved on yet, found someone else to date now that you were allowed to. He’d considered checking your Instagram account but had held off, knowing it was a step in the wrong direction. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. He hadn’t gotten over you enough yet to deal with photos of you and another man together.

 This night was much the same as the others had been. Everyone met up for dinner, followed by a couple of drinks and then headed back to the hotel to unwind. Ben decided to call it an early night. He’d spent a good part of the day hooked up to harnesses and wires, being flung at a wall over and over. He was sore and tired figured some extra rest would do him good. He was just settling into bed, trying to keep his mind on the TV show he’d put on when he heard the knock. He listened closely for a moment but it couldn’t be for him, he’d put up a do not disturb sign on his door, so he turned back to the TV and flicked to a different channel. Another knock. It definitely sounded like his door but who would it be? Maybe one of the other actors? But they’d all heard him say he was going to have an early night, so surely not. Again Ben ignored it. The third knock got Ben out of bed, stumbling to the light switch and then the door, ready to politely tell whoever it was to fuck off and let him rest. “Sorry but can you not see the do not dis- Y/N? What ar-” Ben was surprised. Surprised you knew where he was, surprised you’d come there after he’d told you he didn’t want to see you, surprised that you were covering his mouth to shut him up. “You wouldn’t reply to my texts and I didn’t know if you’d listen to any voicemails I left you but I have something I need to tell you so that’s why I’m here.” There was a beat as Ben waited to hear what could be so important that you’d come all the way to Spain to tell him. “I love you.” He gasped but your palm was still over his mouth so he couldn’t say anything. It had to be a joke, didn’t it? But you didn’t look like you were joking. He waited, listening as you explained everything. It was wonderful to know you felt the same but his shock didn’t lessen. He’d been so sure about everything. So sure about how little you’d felt for him, so sure you would have understood why he needed space. And now you were here telling him the exact opposite? It was unfathomable. Maybe it was a hallucination? Maybe he’d got a concussion when he hit the wall too hard earlier. Does concussion make you hallucinate? But blinking didn’t make you disappear and the hand against his mouth felt real enough. “I’ve missed you so much, so fucking much, and all I’ve wanted is to see you again and hear your voice and hug you and I’d really like to date you for real, or at least be friends again because not having you in my life is complete shit.” Ben felt tears prickling his eyes as he realised how backwards he’d had it. You loved him. You. Y/N. You loved him so much you’d flown to Spain just to tell him. “That’s all I had to say,” you said softly, pulling you hand away. Ben staired in disbelief for a moment but you looked as if you were fighting the urge to run for it and it brought him back to his senses. “Thank god,” it was all he could think to say as he reached out to hold you, pulling you tight against him and kissing you the way he’d wanted to kiss you for so long. Relief flooded his system when you kissed back. He didn’t have to forget you or force himself to move on. It had been an impossible task anyway. He was glad to stop trying.

 It’s only when someone makes a noise further down the corridor that he lets you go, asks if you planned to stay, lead you inside and towards the couch. There were things he needed to clear up first, before he could let himself be fully happy with the situation. He looks at you properly then. You look tired, worn out. He’s not sure if it’s from the late hour or the flight or because you’ve not been sleeping properly but it makes him feel guilty that he upset you. He hates that he pushed you away and wasted months trying to get rid of you when you’d both actually wanted the same thing, to be together. But you’re here now. He reached out to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, almost dizzy with joy that he could do that. “I’m really sorry for how I acted,” You smiled softly as you took a seat and Ben fell into the spot beside you, unable to take his eyes from you. He lets you lead the conversation, trying to sort out his mess of emotions as he explains himself. I thought if I told you I’d never been into you, acted like it, then I could make it true.” “Did it work?” “Of course not,” How could you ever think it would work? That he could just forget you so fast, after he’d fallen for you so hard? “Which is why I pushed you away.” You nodded, seemed to understand where he’d been coming from. He hesitated before reaching out to grab your hand again, a little afraid of touching you lest you turn to smoke and vanish. But you didn’t. He stifled a yawn, hoping you wouldn’t take it as his disinterest in the conversation. He’d stay up as long for as long as it took to go over everything, no matter how tired he was. “Has there been anyone else?” “Anyone else what?” “I saw a thing about you dating again,” That was surprising, not what he’d expected you to bring up. He hadn’t even realised it had been reported on. But he shook his head, explained about his friends encouraging him to move on. It seemed to satisfy you because you leant on his shoulder, let him hold you. He apologised when he yawned again, about to suggest he put a pot of coffee on so he could keep talking. But then you suggested going to bed and he had to agree.

 As soon as his head hit the pillow Ben knew he’d fall asleep fast. Even with the excitement of your arrival and the buzz of joy you brought. He kept his eyes on you. Everything seemed too good to be true. You grabbed his hand and placed it around you, shuffling as close as you could. “You’re actually here, yeah? I’m not just dreaming it?” Ben asked, voicing aloud his biggest worry. “I’m here Ben.” She’s here. In your bed. “Don’t leave, okay?” “I won’t.” She’s here and she’s staying. “I love you,” he needed to say it again, to make sure you knew that he still felt the same. “I love you too,” It was comforting to hear you say it again too, made his heart burst as he kissed you again. He didn’t want to stop but he was much to tired to do anything else. Still, he fought sleep for as long as he could. He’d lost so much time being apart from you that, now he had you back in his arms, sleep felt like a waste of precious hours. Hours he could spend kissing you, being with you, making sure you felt loved. He couldn’t fight it forever though, eventually had to give up. The last thing he saw before he shut his eyes was you, smiling at him, as you lay beside him.

                                                      ***

It had been a long day what with moving you into his house. Even after the boxes were inside and everyone who had been helping out had gone home, there was still a lot to do. Everything needed to be unpacked and put away. Ben had been clearing space on all his shelves and in all his cupboards to fit everything you’d brought with you. Plus there was new furniture from Ikea to unpack and construct. Like the chest of draws he’d been working on before he got up to stretch his legs and grab a glass of water. He caught sight of the magazines that had been left in the kitchen and, chuckling at their stories of marriage and babies, stacked them in a neat pile before he grabbed his drink. As he walked back through the living room he saw you, curled up on the floor beside the box you’d been working through. “Y/N?” Ben shook your shoulder to wake you, trying not to laugh as you blink at him groggily, still half asleep. “Alright, cuddle bunny, up you get. Time for bed, yeah?” “But the boxes,” you argued though it was unenthusiastic and slurred with sleep. “The boxes will be there tomorrow. C’mon, come with me,” Ben half carried you to the bedroom and helped you under the covers, leaving you with a kiss on the forehead before heading back to the draws he was halfway through building.

 By the time he was finished putting the draws together Ben was feeling fairly tired himself. He moved the spare screws off the floor so no one would step on them and then headed back to the bedroom. You were still there, sleeping soundly. Ben paused in the doorway to look at you. It was a sight he loved, you in his bed. The first time you stayed over and slept in his bed rather than the guest room had been a monumental occasion though the novelty of it had worn off a bit now, especially with how frequently you’d stayed at each other’s places before the move. But still, he’d never get sick of seeing you beside him, where you belonged. Same as he’d never get sick of making you tea or trying to convince you to eat an actual breakfast or making you laugh. It was in that moment, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom you now shared, one wall lined with boxes of your belongings yet to be put away, it was then that he knew he wanted to marry you. Have a family with you, spend his life with you. He’d go out and buy a ring once you were moved in properly, though he could hear his friends telling him to wait a little longer, see how everything was living with you first. But that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have to give it to you straight away after all. But he knew that was what he wanted with you. And now that you were together, after so much time and trouble, he never wanted to let you go.

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy smut #its currenty 1am #i have to be up for work in about 5 hours #this took longer to edit than i thought it would #(probably because its 22 effing words long lmao) #but here you go! #its done! #i think some of my formatting went a little janky when i was copying it into this post #but whateveri think its just added extra line breaks between paragraphs #so it should still be readable #anyway #im gonna pass out now #i'll see you tomorrow when i come to complain about work

[multi-fandom-imagine]

I’m so sorry || Daniel ||

dartlovingbre asked: Just came up with another request if you are okay with doing it. Takes place when Andrew and Daniel meet Abraham and the reader is there and she reveals that Carver is the evil instead of Andrew saying it and Daniel gets angry. When the group hear what happened they get angry at her and yell at her, causing her to run off, and when Daniel remembers the bible with the scribbles in it, he tells the others Y/N was right, they feel guilty for how they treated her and they go to find her and maybe they find her severely injured maybe falling into a ditch near the road and when she wakes up they apologize to her.

A/n: I just love all of the boy’s and Taylor. Like I like Angela but it took so long for her to be likable when everyone else is already likable.

Pairing: Reader x Daniel \\ Hinted Andrew x Reader.

Warnings: Blood, injury, swearing

Everything happened so fast, one moment you, Daniel and Andrew were looking over a few things in one of the old houses. The next you three got pulled into the past. It was eerie staring into the face of a man that looked so much like your best friend. Your stomach was in knots, the look a like was talking about that he was going to have to speak to the judge about the little girl.

It did not make sense, how could all of this be put on one little girl. But that’s when it hit you. What the Priest said to her, the things he whispered to her. This just could not be her, she was being infused. 

“Wait...you can’t just put all of this on her...it’s the priest that’s the one that’s driving it.” You stated stepping close to the look alike. Andrew looked relived, that he was not the only one who thought so though Daniel, now that was another story.

“Hold on Y/n! That’s way off. We gotta stop the kid.” Daniel snapped. Trying not to flinch at his voice you wanted to hear what Andrew’s Doppelganger had to say.

“Reverend Carver is a man guided by god.” 

Then everything went back to normal, it was still dark out and the firefly’s dancing in front of the door. Though one thing was for certain, Daniel was pissed.

“Bad move y/n....sticking up for the kid is probably gonna do us all in.”

Shaking his head, Andrew stepped forward, his body shielding you from Daniel. “Maybe so, but I think y/n made the right call...though I hope your’e wrong...for all our sake.”

Your mind was spinning, you didn’t even register the other three walking over. Daniel telling them what you did, the whispers turned into yells as Andrew did his best to calm everyone down but soon they were yelling at you.

“What the fuck y/n! Now we’re dead because of you!.”

“You think someone who’s going for their bachelor’s degree you’d be smart enough to not mess everything up.”

“I thought we had something special y/n, though whats the point of having this relationship when we’re going to die anyway.”

“Y/n! this is bad....very bad! You should have told him that the little girl was to blame!”

Pushing back the tears that threatened to fall, your fingers tightened around your flashlight. “It didn’t feel right to condemn a child! I’m sorry that I’m not some monster.”

“Y/n!” Andrew stepped closer to you.

“But apparently you all think I am!” Rubbing your eyes you took a few step back before taking off into the fog, the dim light from your flashlight fading away as the others screamed your name.

Gritting his teeth Andrew took another step forward before he spun around giving the group a harsh glare. “What the hell is wrong with you people! we just got everyone back and now Y/n is gone...and for what! for telling my look alike that the priest is the one pulling the strings! Now she’s gone....I mean what if something happens to her.” 

Daniel could already feel the guilt eat away at him, he did not mean to snap at you. To take out his anger on you but he was scared, he nearly lost you in that bus crash. He had to watch your doppelganger self get burned alive so that just added to the list of his worries. What if you were wrong? what if that thing came after you and now they couldn’t stop it...but then again...what if he was wrong and now you were in more danger because he had to open his mouth.

Digging his nails into his palm, what Andrew said really hit him and now your words were ringing in his head were starting to make more and more sense. “Y/n...I..I think she was right.” Frowning, Daniel shifted his body ignoring the eyes on him. “Back at the museum...I found that Carver guy’s bible and it had a bunch of weird symbols drawn all over it and they...well now that I have a clearer head...they looked more satanic.”

Taylor frowned, already regretting what she said to you. “So are you saying...that its our fault if anything happens to her.”

“We need to find her.” Abigail states. “Who know’s what could happen, it’s really dark and the roads.”

“They’re not safe.” John states though Andrew let out a sigh of relief as he started to walk off. 

“Well what are we waiting for....let’s go.”

Catching up to Andrew that was leading the group he did not know why he hated the thought of you and Andrew being close.

“So and you and y/n...are you a...thing?” Daniel bit his lip, he didn’t mean to sound so rude. 

“Are you high, or did that blow to the head knock some sense out of you.” Andrew snorted. “She’s like a sister to me, besides y/n likes you idiot but I’m sure you blew your chances.” he muttered as the others called out your name.

You never meant to run off on your own, but you were hurt by the things they said...by what Daniel said. How could they have been so cruel? Wasn’t it obvious that it was Carver who was the problem. Sniffling, you wiped more tears away from you eyes.

“Stupid jerks” You whispered though walking your foot got caught in a hole due to a missing chunk of asphalt. Dropping the flashlight your held your hand out to break your fall but that did nothing. Scraping your hands, you could feel your pants getting ripped in the process as you continued to fall. Your body seeming to hit every rock as you rolled down the hill.

Letting out a cry, you finally came to a stop.Blood oozing out from all the new cuts on your body, red now mixing in the dirty water you were lying in. You were sure your arm was broken but everything hurt. You could feel your conciseness fade in and out.

Was your name being called? 

Looking up one last time you could sworn something passed in your vision before you blacked out.

“Y/n! come out now!” Daniel ignored how panicked his voiced sounded, how scared he was. “Come on....this isn’t funny.”

Taylor sucked in some air as she rushed forward, her hands grasping a broken flashlight. “It’s y/n...what if.”

Andrew shook his head as his eyes glanced around. “Don’t think like that! she could be around here somewhere.”

Daniel swallowed thickly, he hoped so but that’s when he saw it. Something or someone rushing by then a flash of light. Something was glinting in to moonlight. Panic rising in his chest he quickly made his way down the ditch and that’s when he saw you.

You looked so broken, dead. This couldn’t be happening, you couldn’t be dead...not when he never got the chance to tell your how he felt.

“Y/n...come on....this isn’t funny...open your eyes.” He was scared to even touch you but that’s when he saw it. Your chest rising and falling, that put him  a little at ease though he was not going to feel better until he got you to a hospital.

Daniel did his best to ignore the others, they did not matter right now you did. Gritting his teeth he slowly let his arms wrap around your body as you let out a pained whimper. Looking over at the group he did his best to hold you gently as he could with out causing you anymore pain.

It felt like hours getting to some burnt down house, those things chasing after them did not help at all. Still holding onto you he watched as Andrew and Taylor make their way up to the second floor. Feeling himself nod off the young man did his best to stay awake.

It felt like hours ticked by though he couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief as the sun came up and whatever that was chasing after them was gone according to Andrew.

You both were right and thanks to your help along with Andrew’s the rightful person was persecuted. The whole group left the house, you were still unconscious in his arms by the time they got to that diner though you finally woke up when you were placed in the ambulance.

“Daniel?”

Biting your lip his hand clutched yours gently. “I’m here y/n...and..Im sorry for being such an idiot...all are and I.” closing his eyes, he slipped into the ambulance after a talk from John. “And I wanted to tell you...that I love you.” He blurted out.

Letting out a laugh, you winced as the EMT’s spoke to you. “Isn’t that funny...I love you too and...I’m sorry for running off.” Closing your eyes you could feel the anaesthetic taking it’s effect. 

Sighing his finger ran over the back of your palm. “You have nothing to apologize for Y/n...I’m the one that messed up but I’m going to make it up to you...I promise.” Leaning over you he pressed a small kiss to the top of your head.

After the hell you went through, he was going to make sure everything is going to be better here on out.

#little hope #the dark pictures: little hope #the dark pictures little hope #little hope daniel #little hope daniel x reader #the dark pictures #dark pictures little hope #dark pictures anthology little hope #dark pictures anthology #daniel x reader #reader #x reader #reader instert #drabble #drabbles #requests #request #artlovingbre

[moonnightyoongi]

yours | mark

love me like im never gonna leave, love me like im yours

word count: 2k

genre: angst (mainly), fluff, swearing (tehe)

a/n: just can’t stop thinkin of mark

based off the song yours | alina baraz

It had happened more than once, in fact you were definitely somewhere in the double digits but you couldn’t stop. Everything about him was intoxicating, the way he looked at you and the way he smiled at you, the smirk he had on his face when he would open the door to you - it was cocky and even though you hated it nothing could make you turn around and go back home. His voice was smooth and no matter what you asked him he never stuttered, there was a simple answer to everything. 

Except one question.

“What is this?”

You had asked him one night and you swear every single bit of colour he had in his body drained and he was left with his mouth open, small stutters coming out. You looked at him and realised what it was and what it always would be… sex. There was no hope of anything progressing past it so you simply shut your feelings off and continued to fuck him.

“Are you leaving?” He asks as you rolled out of the bed.

“Of course,” you reply searching for your dress, “I gotta get back to the wedding.”

“You already left, why do you need to go back?”

“Because my sister is so drunk she won’t remember giving me the go ahead to leave. Besides I have four missed calls from my mum and I don’t think using the excuse that I’m looking at her and waving is going to work at 1am.”

“Just stay here.”

“Why would I do that? I got a room in a 5 star hotel and a massage booked in the morning,” you frown.

“I want you to stay,” he says.

“Well I want a 5 star hotel room and a massage,” you fire back. His smile falls for a second before he looks out the window.

“Can I come with you?” He asks.

“I specifically remember you saying you never want to meet a family member or be my date to my sisters wedding,” you reply.

“I don’t, I wanna have sex in a 5 star hotel room,” he smirks. You look at him and roll your eyes, he was always so good at getting what he wanted out of you, you would move heaven and earth for him if he asked.

“Get dressed,” you sigh.

“Shall I put on my best trench coat?” He jokes.

“It’s cold, you won’t have a penis left if you do.”

He falls silent and looks at you, blinking harshly, “You’re so crude sometimes.”

“Oh sorry, do you not like hearing about how your penis will shrivel up from the cold temperature?”

He laughs, “Sweatpants it is.””

“Jeans, it’s a 5 star hotel Mark. You can’t stroll in wearing sweatpants.”

“Oh, its the brush your hair before going down to breakfast kinda vibe?” He asks.

“Brush your teeth too,” you reply.

“Can’t have orange juice then.”

“It’s the price you pay to not be judged by Gary, 55, on a business trip.”

“Where do you get these names from?” He asks laughing and throwing on a clean t-shirt.

“They just come to me,” you reply, “Zip up my dress.”

“It’s a very pretty dress,” he says walking over to you, “Floor length gowns suit you.”

“I’m just glad she let me get a navy dress and not that God awful pink dress,” you tell him. You shudder at the thought of the dress, it was a bright pink that made your eyes sore, even the thought of it irritated your eyes again. Of course, it nearly was the dress you had to wear because the meter of the groom thought you looked absolutely delightful ‘like a strawberry cheesecake’. Last time you checked you weren’t a fucking dessert. 

Mark’s hand touched the bottom of your back as you moved your hair out the way to avoid it getting caught in the zipper (again). His touch was soft, like he was afraid he would break you (or the zipper). Zipping it up slowly, he paused halfway through - letting out a sigh.

“Ah yes, do take your time Mark, there’s only a 55 year old woman waiting to chop my balls off,” you say. He lets out a laugh and you feel his breath on your shoulders causing you to shiver, even his light touch was enough to drive you mad. All you wanted was him to be yours.

“Done,” he says obviously coming out of his trance and finishing your zipper quickly.

“Let’s go,” you tell him, “Uber’s nearly here.”

<—>

She was like a dog to a bone, as soon as the Uber pulled up in front of the hotel she was rushing down the stairs ready to pounce on you. Until she saw Mark get out of the car with you.

“Who is this?” Your mum asks surprised.

“My friend Mark,” you reply with an awkward smile. She stares at him before putting her hand out for him to shake.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he smiles.

“Where the fuck have you been?” She snaps looking at you, clearly breaking out of her Mark trance.

“With Mark, he needed me,” you say. It was partly true, he had needed you - just a different kind of need.

“I had locked myself out,” he says, “My roommates are all out and not answering their phones.”

“We tried to get in through an open window but he nearly dropped me,” you lie.

“That’s so you, even when you’re not the one navigating you get lost.”

“What?” You ask confused.

“Who knows, I asked your father to get me vodka and he got me whiskey. It’s my nonsense drink,” she dismisses, “He’s useless, all men are. Your poor sister, her husband is the worst. He tripped over a table cloth today, how could he miss it? The floor is brown and the cloth was fucking white, not to mention there was also a table underneath it.”

“Go to bed mum,” you cut in.

“Is Mark staying with you?” She asks.

“Yes.”

“You know the rules.”

“I can’t leave the door of the room open, anyone could come in.”

“Leave the bathroom door open,” she says turning on her heel.

“Wh-,” Mark begins.

You shake your head and cut him off, “Don’t question it, she’ll start another conversation that’ll last another 10 minutes and I haven’t got it in me to de-code her.”

“Are you the same on whiskey?” Mark asks as you both walk up the steps of the hotel.

“Gin!” Your mother shouts, “Gin is her mumbling drink. On her birthday last year she started to recite the whole script from the film The Bee Movie. I don’t know know where she learnt it, we were always such Shrek people.”

“What is going on?” Mark asks, eyes raised.

“Don’t ask,” you reply, “Where’s your room mum? We’ll walk you.’

“Don’t be silly, there’s your father. FATHER!” She shouts, “Wait he’s not my father, MICK!”

“Who the fuck is Mick?” You ask her, “Dad! Take her, she’s driving me insane.”

You walk her over to him and he smiles weakly, “She’s been watching a lot of shows lately, Mick is one of the characters.”

“You hope,” you smile before walking back over to Mark, “Let’s get to the room quick, she might start reciting Shrek.”

“Donkey!” You hear her shout as you run up the staircase to the floor you were on.

“It’s begun,” you say looking at him. He laughs loudly as you walk down the hallway to the room you would be staying in. 

“Fancy,” he says kicking off his shoes and unbuttoning his jeans. He looked around intently while all you could do was stare at him, he looked beautiful even with his messy hair and tired eyes. Part of you was so glad he asked if he could come, you didn’t want to leave him - well, ever.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks snapping you out of your daydream.

“My mum,” you lie.

“She’s really funny.”

“Lucky for you she’s so drunk she won’t remember she met you tomorrow,” you say throwing the room key on the desk.

“I don’t mind if she does,” he says walking into the room.

You smile awkwardly once more and lean against the desk, unsure of what move to make. You normally knew what you were going to do when you saw Mark - but this felt like alien territory. Would you lie next to him? Turn the TV on and watch shitty morning television shows? Or would you simply sleep 2 feet apart?

“Come here,” Mark says putting his hands out for you to take.

“What do you want?” You ask accepting them and letting him pull you towards him.

“What are you really thinking?”

“About what to do.”

“We could just relax and watch TV, order some room service?”

“That sounds really nice,” you smile.

<—>

Less than hour later you both sat on the bed eating ribs and watching some stupid quiz show. Everyone answer you shouted was wrong of course, how did people know these things? How didn’t you know these things? 

Times like this felt nice, it was just you two doing normal things together. It wasn’t some quick hook up then ended with you leaving after it was done and feeling shit as you walked out the door, him not even batting an eyelid at you.

“How do people know these things?” Mark asks.

“That’s what I was thinking,” you reply throwing the rib bone on the plate and sighing, “I ate too much.”

“You don’t need to get back into the dress, you’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be bloated for my massage tomorrow.”

“She’ll deflate you,” he jokes.

“He’ll,” you correct.

“A male massage therapist, lucky you.”

“Hm, he’ll apply more pressure,” you say lying down and rubbing your eyes.

“Can I admit something to you?” He asks.

“You always wanted to be a massage therapist?” You joke.

“No,” he laughs moving to lie down next to you, “I really enjoy your company.”

“I bet you do.”

“No, I mean your company. Like that night we played games and the winner got oral,” he says, “I like doing those things with you.”

“Cause’ you always win and get oral,” you tell him. 

He looks at you seriously before looking down, “Yeah, because I always win.”

You almost didn’t believe him till the smirk reappeared on his face seconds later, “Wanna play a game?”

“Goodnight Mark,” you groan turning over.

“Goodnight Y/N,” he whispers.

You never wanted it to be morning. You wanted to stay in this moment with him. You wanted to feel his body heat next to you forever, you wanted to stay up late doing stupid mundane things with him.

You wanted him to be yours.

masterlist

#got7 #got7 scenarios #got7 writing #got7 imagines #got7 imagine #mark #mark tuan #mark imagines #mark scenarios #mark tuan scenarios #mark tuan scenario #mark angst #mark tuan angst #got7 angst #mark imagine #got7 au #mark au #mark tuan au #how many more tags can I add #nobody knows #hehe #plz appear in searches this time

[descendantofthesparrow]

Abandoned - part 2 - harry hook x mals sister! reader

@marvelfanatic004

Could you possibly do a story about reader being Mal’s sister and pregnant with Harry’s baby during D3 and Mal doesn’t know when she says she’s going to shut the barrier? With lots of reader and Harry fluff!

Harry grunted as he blocked a heavy swing from a knight, he was getting exhausted quickly, the only thing keeping him going was the thought of (y/n) and their baby.

Harry noticed Carlos’ sword get launched away from him, so he leaped toward him and blocked a hit, guarding Carlos’ as he ran for his sword.

Harry dodged another swing, rolling away and slamming his sword into the knights back, it buckled and stumbled onto the floor.

Harry panted as he quickly stood and dodged another attack, nodding to gil as the blonde boy blocked an attack coming at him.

The knights stopped suddenly, green and purple magic shadowing over the metal.

Mal and uma overloaded audreys magic, and harry sagged in relief as the knights fell to the floor.

Reaching up to his neck, he ghosted over his matching promise ring to (y/n)s, hoping she was safe.

All of a sudden mal gasped and Harry turned to see a translucent figure of Audrey, smirking deviously at mal with….with…with (y/n) laying at her feet, glaring up at her, eyes glowing bright (e/c).

“what's wrong pixie~ worried over your sister? Let's hope you can figure out where I am in time to get her back and oh~ by the way, you might want to save your soon to be niece too”

Harry's heart stopped, n-niece? He was going to have a daughter?!...and Audrey was threatening both of his girls.

Harry growls storming up to the vision, seeing audreys eyes widen slightly and taking a small step back.

“you let them go now! Or I swear on Odin ill rip yer heart out!”

He saw (y/n)s eyes crinkle in a smile, while he heard mal go ‘what the fuck’ Audrey sneered, regaining her composure

“oh, you’re her baby daddy, what she do to get you to sleep with her, whore out?”

“SHUT” Harry roared out, glaring with all his might to kill Audrey through the magic vison “THE FUCK UP, YEH KNOW NOTHING ABOUT US, SO JUST KEEP YER MOUTH SHUT!”

Audrey rolled her eyes, but he could see the fear lying beneath the brown orbs.

“whatever, you have till midnight to get her back, any later and she's gone”

Audrey and (y/n)s form faded away, (y/n) locking eyes with harry for a split second, confidence in her glowing (e/c) eyes.

‘I have faith’

He heard uma and mal taking in the back of his mind, but he didn’t care, whirling around he snarled at mal.

“where is she keeping (y/n)?!”

Mal blinked surprised before glaring back, her eyes glowing green, but it didn’t affect him, he would piss off hades to get (y/n) back.

“I don’t know!! and why are you so concerned?! She's my sister!”

“yeah!” harry got in mals face, holding his hook only inches away from her throat, seething “the sister that ye ABANDONED! YOU LEFT ‘ER THERE TO ROT, WHILE YEH GOT FRESH FOOD AND SUNLIGHT, YOU LEFT ‘ER ALONE AND STARVING, SHES YER SISTER AND YOU JUST LEFT ‘ER THERE!”

Mals' eyes flickered but she stood strong.

“you haven’t answered my question why are you so concerned?!”

Harry breathed heavily, not willing to give that information to mal before evie spoke up in a firm voice.

“because he loves her mal, isn’t it obvious?”

Mals jaw dropped, her eyes dulling in surprise, “i-you-she-what?”

Uma groaned “they've been together since before that shitty cotillion, after you!” uma pointed at mal, glaring “just left her on the isle, I bet you didn’t even think about her, you were just so happy with the fresh food and fluffy pillows, that you forgot your own sister was still on the isle, rotten food and rocks for pillows”

Uma scoffed, walking out of the knight's museum, brushing mals shoulder harshly “some sister you are, and you call yourself a hero”

Harry closed his eyes, gaining control of himself before turning to evie, knowing she would respond better to his questions.

“where is (y/n)” evie sighed, shaking her head solemnly

“I wish I knew, but I have no clue, Audrey could have her anywhere”

Harry slumped his shoulder, feeling his eyes burn “I have teh get ‘er back, they are all I have”

Evie quirked her brow “they?”

Harry swallowed harshly, nodding “aye, they, (y/n) and…and our baby”

Evie's eyes widened, jaw-dropping “shes pregnant?”

Harry nodded, eyes floating away from the blue-haired seamstress before she squealed making harry jump.

“OMG congrats you two! Oh my god! Oh, I wish I had tried even harder to convince mal to let you and (y/n) off! But god, I don’t know why she refused!”

Harry stopped, looking to evie once more, rage settling in his mind again.

“what.”

----

You shivered as both the cold night air brushed against your exposed skin but calmed as fire bubbled beneath it, it was weird. anyway waking up to princess Audrey holding your mother's staff was also baffling, and as soon as she pressed the dragons eye to your cheek, you felt burning magma erupt within you.

You magic awakened, and the dragons eye sensed that drawing away from Audrey and seeping towards you, Audreys power was slowly slipping away, though, for some reason, she thought the ember was feeding her more magic, thinking that the feeling of less magic was her getting used to the feeling of it, not draining.

Your ears picked up on the sound of footsteps below the tower, normally, you wouldn’t have been able to hear that kinda stuff, but ever since the dragons eye made contact with you, it was as if your senses were kicked up to 15.

“she lied to us, she lied to us uma, and-and (y/n) is still missing, and it's almost midnight! How are we-“

“harry please calm down, well find her, even if it’s the last thing we do”

“we better, I can't lose her, i-I love her”

Audrey cackled as she let out shots of pink lightning, you heard the scramble of limbs on the courtyard, another set of heavily booted footsteps coming running in.

Mal.

Audrey picked you up by your arm, you grunted in pain as she did so, her nails digging into your skin.

“oh, lover boy~”

Looking down, you saw harry wide-eyed and afraid, looking up at you.

“its midnight~”

Harry screamed out a no as Audrey conjured a dagger and slashed into your side, making you scream out in pain, pleading for her to stop.

“HAHAHAHA!”

You felt the magma beneath your skin bubble and rush through your skin, you felt your teeth sharpen, your skin crack and heat up.

Audrey yelp in pain, releasing your arm, staring at the burnt palm of her hand.

“ah! wha-“

Audrey stared into your glowing (e/c) eyes, scales edging around them, wings, large black wings that shined with blue, the seemed to be on fire.

Your pupil was sharpened and angular, your breath heavy as steam hissed from your mouth.

“m-monster!” Audrey screamed, you snarled and a burst of fire blew Harry, Uma, and Mal off their feet. Harry quickly stood back up, his eyes widened as a large (e/c), gold and red dragon toward over a terrified Audrey, who was desperately reaching for the scepter, harry ran forward, snatching it from the ground, and running towards the dragon

“(y/n)!” he screamed, the dragon turned to him, giving a low rumble, and lowing its head, steam and smoke billowed around him.

“its okay love” he shakily pressed his hand onto the dragon's muzzle, its eyes closed happily, seeming to purr “you can turn back now, I don’t think she's gonna do anything else, considering you’re a lot bigger than the pixie”

The dragon chuffed, and it gave a soft glow as it shrank and slowly returned to human size, (y/n) taking its place.

She gave a tired smile as she stumbled toward him, humming happily as she collapsed on him and he wrapped his arms around her.

“I've got yeh love”

“holy fuck (y/n)” harry scowled as mal spoke up, turning to see a wide-eyed mal staring at the destroyed tower, which luckily had no one in it.

(y/n) gave a mumble, before passing out in Harry's arms.

Harry sighed, lifting (y/n) in a bridal position, handing the scepter to mal as he walked away.

“im gonna go take a nap, don’t disturb us”

Uma gazed across the courtyard, scorches of fire and broken stone spread about it.

She gave a low whistle, (y/n) could turn into a dragon, a powerful one at that.

And a heck of a more powerful one than mal that’s for sure.

One thing was for sure in the case of mal.

As she stared at the defeated Audrey and the destroyed tower.

She regretted abandoning her sister, she would have been a powerful ally.

---the end---

#Descendents #descendants #disney descendants #harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook imagine #abandoned #dragon reader #mals sister reader #pregnant reader

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Keep Trying: Nat

CW: Blood (like a lot of blood), implications of gore but no actual real gore, infected wound, referenced/implied past noncon/dubcon, referenced past abuse, referenced abusive relationship, very sick whumpee. Pet whump and dehumanization (referenced).

TIMELINE: Comes just after The Freedom to Run in Kauri’s story, right after Jenna kicks him out of the first safehouse he tries. References events in The Surgery . Blink-and-you’ll miss it character details for a side character.

The Jack referenced belongs to @spiffythespook and the Tara referenced belongs to @fairybean101

Tagging the Kauri crew: @im-not-rare-im-rarr, @maybeawhumpblog, @pepperonyscience, @haro-whumps, @18-toe-beans, @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @giggly-evil-puppy, @whimpers-and-whumpers, @moose-teeth, @whump-it, @lumpofwhump, @pumpkinthefangirl​

Nat found him under a bush. 

Most people might have been a bit more surprised to discover a young man curled into a tiny ball underneath the line of heavy landscaping that went around her property, but Nat had been at this a long, long time - eighteen years, give or take - and this wasn’t the first time she’d found a runaway curled up asleep in the shade of the leaves.

Sometimes they weren’t even runaway pets, just kids who needed to escape the rain, on their own or on the run from bad home lives. Kids the shelters turned away or who had maxed out their time, needed somewhere to crash for a day or two before they made the rounds again.

She didn’t care - Nat took care of anyone who came to her for help. Only the pets ever came into the house, though.

“I thought he was… I don’t know, an animal or something at first,” one of the rescues whispered, wringing her hands together. 

She stood hunched over with narrow shoulders curved forward, drowning in a T-shirt at least three sizes too large, but it was all the poor thing ever wanted to wear. That and sweatpants that covered every inch. It was all the rescues ever wore, until they started to feel like their bodies belonged to them again. “I came to check to see if the bushes had flowers yet and I found him and I thought he was dead? I thought, I thought I should come g-g-get you, but then when I, um, I was going to get you the shovel because if it, if it was dead… but then he made a sound and he wasn’t an animal, and-”

“I understand, Krista,” Nat soothed, rubbing a hand in a slow circle on the young woman’s back. Krista relaxed at the touch and leaned back into it - the rescues usually came either horrified by touch or desperate for it, with no in-between. “I’ll take care of him from here. You did the right thing coming to get me. Now, maybe you should head inside.”

Krista nodded quickly, one hand to her mouth, chewing at her fingernails nervously. She hadn’t done that when she first showed up, too thin and nearly mute. She’d been dumped by her owner and found by a good Samaritan who took the time to find a storefront and drop her off.

The storefront had called Nat and Krista had been here ever since, going on three months now. She was a pretty thing, if faded and harried-looking, and she was fairly sure she was from somewhere near Tennessee - nearly across the country.

And she’d started biting her nails.

While biting fingernails wasn’t a habit Nat would normally encourage, she had a feeling it was parts of who Krista had been starting to show themselves, so she didn’t stop her.

Once Krista had gone back into the house, Nat stood with her hands on her hips, looking. It was still early morning, and the sun had only just barely begun to paint the deep blue-black sky with hints of pink and orange and, she thought with a hint of irritation, a bright and bloody red.

Red sky in the morning, farmer’s warning, her dad’s voice said in her head. Man had been gone for twenty years, and Nat never stopped hearing him. Never stopped feeling, in her mind, like maybe she still needed an adult to help her figure out what she’d done with her life and to give her some advice on the trajectory her life had taken since she was a twenty-two year old freshly graduated psych major shown a salary, a benefits package, and challenging work she couldn’t refuse… until she had.

She’d sort of lost her way - or found a better one - and become the den mother for a neverending rotation of frightened dehumanized amnesiacs who were, legally speaking, not even full people, but property.

Sometimes it occurred to her, with a bitter humor, that she had funneled, over the course of nearly twenty years, millions of dollars of stolen property through her old five-bedroom, three-story house in a town that had grown into a suburb with time and urban sprawl.

She was a goddamn criminal, but she couldn’t say her father wouldn’t have been fucking proud of her for picking the right side to fight for.

The boy curled up under the bushes shifted a little, the rustle of sticks and decaying leaves and dirt underneath him, and Nat dropped into an easy crouch, resting her elbows on her thighs and tilting her head.

Her braid slipped down towards her right shoulder, and more than a few strands of graying brown hair hung over her eyes.

“C’mon, kiddo,” She said, not bothering to keep her voice to a whisper. The boy shifted a little, rustling in the leaves. “Time to get up and moving.”

No one else in this neighborhood was up - and it wasn’t a great neighborhood, so even if anyone did get up they were fairly safe here. Everyone kept to themselves, and most of them understood why Nat did what she did.

The pets were unobtrusive - they came and went and kept to themselves - and so the neighbors pretended they didn’t see a thing. In return, Nat pretended she didn’t know what most of them were up to, the ways they made money in a city where the wealthy nearly never had to even look at the poor. It was a good enough system to get by.

“Hnnnnh, can’t,” the boy whispered. “S-sorry, not… I don’t… feel s’ well.”

She could see him a little better now. Black sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt - the rescue uniform, she thought with warmly affectionate dry humor, they all came out of captivity craving comfortable loose things that didn’t show any skin. Black curly hair - or maybe dark brown, he was shadowed under the leaves so it wasn’t clear. Eyes closed, long dark eyelashes, clammy pale skin with a sheen of sweat across his forehead…

And a lot of blood staining the front of his sweatshirt. A lot of blood.

Nat’s eyebrows raised. Rescues turned up in all sorts of shape, but they rarely showed up still bleeding. Usually by the time they made it to her, someone had bandaged them, someone had cleaned them up.

The boy was curled up around some kind of dark green bag, clutching onto it, and when he shifted hearing her voice, Nat watched his fingers close even more tightly around the rough canvas fabric.

“’m sorry,” the boy whispered, in a voice surprisingly deep for his delicately wrought looks. Clearly a Romantic, she thought, but this one looked like he’d been stabbed. “Think I'm… s-sick… please, just st-stay with me, Mr. Owen, please…”

Nat swallowed, reached out to lay a hand across his forehead. Mr. Owen.

Must be the owner’s name. Hope this isn’t an owner’s work - this poor thing has lost quite a bit of blood…

She didn’t crinkle her nose or pull back at the sticky sweat, only took in the heat that seemed to be boiling just under the surface. Some of that curly hair was plastered to his forehead, bits of leaves and sticks stuck in it from where he’d been lying, apparently for some time. 

“Sick…” He rasped, leaning into her touch, pushing his forehead against the palm of her hand, shivering a little and managing a faint, tremulous smile at the touch. She didn’t react to that, either, although it seemed like confirmation that he was definitely a pet on the run.

“I think you’re more than sick, sweetheart,” she said, low and soft. Not threatening, not cajoling, just a calm, even tone. “We need to get you into the house, take a look at…” Her eyes dropped down to the bloody mess that made up the chest of his sweatshirt. “…that.”

If he was the kind of sick that had him throwing up blood, that definitely wasn’t a good sign.

“Jack…” He managed the word, drawn out too long, taking one syllable and turning it into two, to three. “I can’t go back f’r him yet… Jack, Jack might b’hurt…”

“Don’t worry about him just yet, honey,” She said softly, trying to think. Maybe another pet from the same home? Bonded pairs that got split up never did well… it had been years and Nine still acted like a shadow grieving the one he’d lost…

Stop it, Nat chided herself. ‘Bonded pair’ is company language. You mean the ones that are friends, that care for each other. He left someone behind, that’s all.

She glanced over her shoulder back towards the house. Krista stood on the front steps, biting her thumbnail, watching them with wide eyes.

“Krista, love,” Nat called. “Can you go grab Jake and Trev? We’ll have to carry this one.” Krista nodded quickly - the rescues mostly obeyed any order thoughtlessly until they were further along in recovery - and ducked back inside.

Nat turned back to the boy, only to jump when she realized his eyes were open. Wide blue eyes, a little glassy, barely seeing her. Even with his chalky pale skin, even with the sweat that seemed to coat him like dew, even with the blood…

“Jesus Christ, you’re gorgeous,” she said softly. “I could swear I’ve seen you somewhere before… where did you come from?”

“Please,” the boy whispered, reaching out to grab onto her wrist. There was dried blood on his hands and Nat swallowed, hard., at the heat and odd strength of his grip, even as his hand shook. “Please. Jack n-needs help. S’my… my fault… him and, and… both of them, s’my fault…”

He started to cry, tears leaking out, making tracks in the layer of dirt and grime and dried blood on his face.

"Hoo boy,” Nat said softly. “You’re a mess, aren’t you? The guys will help me get you inside and we can talk a little more about what happened to you once you feel better. Can you help me understand why you’re bleeding?”

The boy nodded slowly, dazed, and pulled down the neckline of his sweatshirt.

Nat, who had seen a lot in her time helping the rescues and who had grown up working alongside her dad in the fields and with the cattle, recoiled in disgust from the sight - and the smell. 

He hadn’t thrown up the blood - it had come from the open fucking wound that stretched from the ball of his right shoulder all the way across his collarbone, where it ended just over his breastbone. She could see the remains of some kind of bandage, but it had long since fallen apart and it wasn’t exactly doing him any good right now. “What the f-”

Behind her, the screen door slammed open and she heard the guys talking to each other as they thumped down the steps and headed her direction. The boy heard them - he flinched and looked in that direction, hazy eyes unable to focus.

Trev made it first - Nat heard his quick intake of breath as he saw, too. “Nat?” His voice shook, just a little - Trev had plenty of scars and this couldn’t be easy for him to see, either. “Is, um-… Krista said you needed help?”

Jake was on his heels - Jake who looked like a linebacker but was more of a lamb, a lib volunteer that Nat had always been able to rely on.

While Trev nervously backed up, Jake simply dropped into a crouch next to her, meaty forearms resting on his legs in an unconscious echo of Nat’s posture. “New rescue?” He asked, mildly, as though he didn’t see the blood, the shredded and destroyed skin across the boy’s chest, bandages so soaked in blood that you could barely tell them apart from the wound itself, and his bleary, unblinking eyes.

“New rescue,” Nat confirmed. “And he’s been fucked up all to hell. Sounds like he left some other pets behind when he ran - I’m guessing he ran because of that mess.”

“Nooooo…” The boy’s voice trailed off until the word was more of a whimper. “No, didn’… I didn’ want to, had to… I had to…”

“Sssshhhhh.” Nat ran a hand back through the sweaty, dirty hair, and the boy shuddered and made a noise low in his throat, the pathetic little gratitude-sound so many rescues came out of captivity with, the desperate thankfulness for any touch that didn’t hurt. “Ssssshhhh, sweetheart, just calm down. We need to deal with the bleeding before we can deal with anything else.”

“Got that right,” Jake muttered, considering. He was unfazed by the blood, absolutely calm in the face of the deepest violence, and that was one reason Nat kept him close at hand. “Trev-”

Trev, standing just behind and to the left, flinched and shook his head. “No, Jake, I’m… I’m sorry b-but, but you know I don’t l-like blood, that much… so much blood… is, is he okay?”

“He’s rocking one hell of an infection, from the sight and smell of things,” Nat said heavily. “He’ll be all right, though, I’ve got some strong antibiotics in the spare room and I’ll call our doctor to come over and check him out-”

“No!” The boy grabbed her again, eyes wide and white-rimmed. “N-No, no, no doctors, no clinics, no no no, please, please-”

Nat swallowed, hard, glancing at Jake, gently freeing herself from the boy’s grip. “Well, that tells us something, doesn’t it?”

Jake nodded, short and firm. Something like fury entered his usually placid, kind face, took the blocky jaw and turned it to solid stone.

Trev spoke, a little tremulous. “Wh-what does it tell us, Nat? I don’t un, understand.”

“He’s Whumpees-R-Us, that’s what it tells us - and whoever owned him used their onsite clinic, which means he’s local, so…” Nat’s voice trailed off as it sunk in exactly why the boy looked so familiar to her.

She’d seen his picture on TV a couple of days ago, some press conference his owner gave with Karen fucking Renford standing next to him - and if Nat never saw that bitch again, it would be too soon. She’d seen a face just like his, only a few years older, at nearly every multiple-lib-group meetup she’d ever been to.

Vincent Shield the goddamn movie star slinking in with sunglasses and hats and big scarves to keep anyone from knowing who he was and giving their locations away.

This was Vincent Shield’s perfect fucking clone - this was Owen Grant’s runaway Romantic, that’s who this was.

This was fifty thousand dollars in reward money for anyone who gave a tip that led to him being recovered - recaptured - and returned to - dragged back to - his owner - the piece of shit treating him like property. This was a runaway Romantic pet - a traumatized rape victim fighting for freedom - and if anyone knew he was here, Nat’s whole operation was in danger, just like that.

“Shit,” Nat whispered. “Shit shit shit.”

Her heart began to pound inside her chest, and she looked up sharply, taking in the mostly-empty street, everyone still inside their houses as the sun began to fully rise. This kid was on every news channel, the company spending tons of money to get plenty of airtime proving that people like Nat were the villains, stealing sweet happy pets away from their loving owners - and here was one big risk half-conscious and giving off a sick smell and impossible body heat under the bushes in her front yard.

If she was smart, she’d do nothing. Leave him here, give him maybe some antibiotics and stuff for the road and tell him to move along, he was too recognizable. He looked exactly like Vincent Shield, just like all the rumors said, now that she was close to him and could really get a look at his face.

Some of the others had seen him in some video or something, but Nat wasn’t much for technology and she hadn’t seen any of it herself. She didn’t like watching videos of pets in captivity - made her sick to her stomach. She preferred nursing them back to remembering they were human.

But this one could get her raided, could bring the thing she’d spent eighteen years building crashing down on all their heads. She could go to prison once they figured out how many fugitives she’d harbored, how much of the company’s hard fucking work she’d undone.

It was the least she could do - she’d been one of the ones to build the fucking company in the first place.

“Nat?” Jake asked, his voice uncertain. “Nat, I don’t like that expression you’ve got going right now.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not a good one. This is, uh, this is… this boy’s trouble on two legs, Jake.” At his confused expression, she shook her head. “This… is Owen Grant’s boy.”

A moment for realization to sink in.

Then Jake’s face went white.

“Holy fuck,” He breathed. “Yeah, I got a call from another shelter about him. Jenna said he’s a fucking mess and he’ll fuck us all over, that he’s in fucking love with his owner. Fuck fuck fuck, shit, he’s going to fuck us over, Jenna said he wants to go back. That he really is still in love with the sick fuck that owned him.”

“That’s not new. Krista was, too, when she first came.”

“Yeah, but… shit, Nat. What do you think? What do you want to do?”

“Wh-what do you want to do?” Trev echoed. “What do we do?” The poor love did a lot of echoing when he got scared - his owner had apparently done a lot of forcing him to repeat things when he was bad- had the good sense to question his situation. Nat tried to calm her expression back down to its usual patient warmth.

“Don’t worry, Trev - I’m sorry, when I called for you I didn’t realize what we were dealing with. You take Krista and get back inside, I’ll take care of this with Jake. Thanks for coming out, you’re a huge help, you’re always so reliable for us. I really appreciate you. Can you please stay in the back rooms until we’ve helped this poor boy?”

Trev nodded quickly, tight little jerks of the head with a smile of sheer relief, and then backed away from them and all but ran back into the house, Krista right on his heels with only a quick worried glance over her shoulder.

“Think they’ll be holed up in their rooms before we ever get this kid back inside?” Jake said - not a question, really, just a statement of fact.

“Yep,” Nat replied. Her mouth tasted bitter, suddenly. The boy was still watching them, his eyes shifting from one to the other and failing to focus.

“She’s out of charge,” The boy said in a voice like a hoarse rasp. He didn’t seem to have heard anything they had said to each other, or didn’t hold onto it long enough. “I can’t wake her up. Need t’ charge her. Listen, listen, I don’… I don’ want to stay, I’m sorry… jus’, um, some medicine and I’ll… go… ‘m sorry, I can’t, I’m dangerous… I’m, I’m dangerous, I’m sorry, Jack, I’m so sorry-”

Nat and Trev glanced sidelong at each other, and Nat finally just gave a firm, short nod, and reached out her hands. “We can talk about that inside, sweetheart. Let’s get you into my house, I can clean you up, okay?“

Fuck it all, she’d never turned a rescue away before, and she’d be damned if she’d start now.

Fuck you, Renford, and all you fucking soulless pieces of shit, for what you’ve turned these poor kids into. I made a mistake, twenty years ago, when I helped you lie to them. I won’t make another.

“Then I… I gotta go back t’Jack,” The boy said, in a voice that suggested he was arguing with her - or someone, anyway - inside his head, an argument Nat hadn’t actually been privy to. “He, he, he helped me… he helped… I got them both hurt, I got them both-… fucking, feels like my veins are on fire… h-hurts… I got him hurt. I got Jack hurt.”

“Do you know where Jack is?” Nat asked, keeping her voice low and gentle, monotone, but her eyes moved back and forth, constantly checking the street for signs someone was watching them. She saw nothing, and Jake was looking, too. No one was paying attention to them, at least not right now.

“I don’ know… hope, hope he’s okay, hope he’s… I j-just, I shouldn’t have… he was just, he was nice… he helped me… Shit, h-hurts-”

“I understand. I’m sure it does hurt,” Nat said, brushing at his hair again, watching the boy shift around under her touch, trying to press into it even though she was a total stranger and he had no way to know she wasn’t exactly as dangerous as whatever he had left behind. The shit they’ve done to them to make them this way… “Listen. We can’t fix the hurt until you come out from under my plants, sweetheart. Can you move by yourself?”

“Th… think so.” The boy nodded and shifted slowly, pushing himself out on his stomach until he was out from under the bushes. Jake had to pick him up from there - he couldn’t seem to stand on his own, let alone walk. He tried and fell, tried and fell, and finally Jake simply scooped him up, sweeping an arm under his knees and behind his back. 

He hung limp in Jake’s arms like a ragdoll, blue eyes focused on the backpack right up until Nat slung it over one shoulder - “Fuck, what’s in here, kiddo, this feels heavy” - and then he finally drooped, tucking his head under Jake’s chin, his forehead pressed against the side of Jake’s neck.

“Jesus fuck, this kid is burning up, Nat,” Jake said, a little worriedly, as they walked back towards the house.

“Yeah, well, a giant gaping infected chest wound will do that to you,” Nat said calmly enough. “I need to make some phone calls. Can you take over the medical stuff until Dr. Masood gets here to look him over? I don’t think our in-house shit’s going to help him do anything more than hold it off. I’ll call him first, and then make some more calls, so you’re den dad until I’m done.”

“Who are you calling?”

“Everyone. As of the second I step foot back inside my house, we are on full lockdown - no contact, less risk that way if this kid is what Jenna says he is - and I want them all to know why. Nobody but the ones who’ve already met him gets to know his name or details, Jake… just that we’ve taken in a risky one and we need a couple weeks to figure out where we stand.”

“Got it. House on lockdown until you tell me otherwise.” Jake shifted the boy in his arms, who whimpered in pain and clung to him more tightly, fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt. “You think he’s really going to turn us in?”

“No,” Nat said flatly. “I think he would have gone back already or turned himself in by now, hurting like this. You don’t just walk around with something like that under your shirt unless you’re really fucking determined. But I don’t need the others on the phone lecturing me about taking him in, either. This boy needs help? We’ll give him help. That’s what we goddamn do.”

Jake nodded, firmly, a hint of a smile on his broad face. “That’s why I choose to stick with your house, Nat. I like that you don’t turn ‘em away.”

“Yeah, well. Tell me how much you appreciate that when this kid gets us up to our necks in trouble.”

Jake glanced down at the boy’s face - eyes clenched shut tightly, breathing in harsh, shallow little gasps so that his chest moved as little as possible. “I don’t think he will.”

“Hmph. Jenna clearly thought differently.”

Jake hesitated, then said softly, “I feel for her, but you know it wasn’t really him Jenna was kicking, right?”

“Yeah. I know. What do you think Nine was up to while they were throwing this kid out just for being what WRU trained him to be?”

“I imagine he was sitting in the fucking attic, Nat, that’s the only thing he ever does.”

“Fair. Nine definitely keeps to himself…” Nat stopped on the small front porch, wood creaking beneath her feet, turning to look at the boy who still stared at her, blue eyes unblinking. “You know what… I’m gonna call Vince myself. He should know what happened, he’s been a wreck ever since they announced the kid was missing after that whole… mess with the-… you know. He’s been absolutely sure Grant killed him and is using the whole runaway thing as a coverup for the murder.”

“You sure about that?” Jake blinked at her. “Maybe call Tara instead, Vince can be kind of… emotional-”

“No.” Nat shook her head. “I’ll call Vince. Honestly - Tara might already know he’s popped up and been turned away, if Jenna called you she definitely made a whole damn round of calls to everybody. Maybe this won’t be a surprise.”

Jake cracked a grin at that. “Oh, man. I bet Tara had her half-deaf from yelling at her for it, too. I can hear her voice. ‘Hey, you want a great way to get a pissed-off pet to get your safehouse raided, how about kicking it out for no reason, Fucknuts McGee? Get your shit together, Jenna, or you won’t have a fucking safe house to go home to’. Tara hates when people are shit to the Romantics.”

Nat couldn’t help herself - she laughed, and the boy in Jake’s arms startled and then settled back down, whimpering again. “That sounds like her. God, we’d be half of what we are without her fire. But… still. Jenna’s just scared. We’re all a little scared, if we’re smart. Helping rescues that might not want the help is… it’s a risk we take.” She sighed, and reached out, brushing hair from the boy’s forehead. His eyes fluttered slowly open, hazy and unfocused, drifting over her face and then snuggling himself harder into Jake’s arms.

Poor thing. A total stranger who could just be the next one to hurt him, and he still clings hard to any sign of kindness, even if it’s false. I’m partially responsible for this - for all of them - right from that first poor boy I helped sign their fucking contract.

She could still remember the first one she had lied to, remember the name he’d signed on his contract. Isaac Thompson. Sweet guy, worried, thought he was signing up for a self-help program for his anxiety…

Nat swallowed back the bitterness of the memories.

She knew, after all, what had happened to Isaac Thompson. She’d seen him since, what was left of him. It wasn’t like there was anything she could do for him, not now. Her first great crime couldn’t be forgiven… but she could work to the bone to find atonement through all the others that had come after him.

“Have to help Jack,” The boy whispered. “Will you help me go back to him?”

“In a little while. Honey, before we get started helping you… what happened to you?”

He blinked at her, then looked down, as if becoming aware of his absolutely blood-soaked shirt for the first time, then wrinkled his nose - maybe he hadn’t known how he smelled from the infection until just then.

Then he smiled. 

It was a soft, dreamy smile, and it made Nat’s blood run cold - underneath the shivering, frightened, soft hurting boy they’d found in the bushes she saw the first sign of something made of furious anger underneath.

“I happened,” The boy said softly.

“You did this to yourself?”

“He promised,” The boy said, his voice cracking and broken. “He promised me and he lied, and he said I could see him again and it would be okay, but it, it wasn’t, and… he lied about everything. I… I couldn’t… I couldn’t be lied to anymore. There wasn’t anything left to believe him.”

Nat slowly nodded. “What did he do, honey?”

The boy shook his head. “He lied.” His lip began to tremble, and when he spoke his voice was airy, breathless, but thick with tears. “S-So I cut his fuh-fucking lies out.“

Then he began to cry, hoarse cracking sobs that made fresh blood well up, tears rolling down his face, leaving tracks that dried too quickly against the feverish heat of his skin.

All Nat could do was nod one more time and open the door so Jake could carry him in. Jake held him close, whispered soothing, soft, comforting nonsense words to him.

Jake didn’t flinch away from the smell of the infection, or the fever. He didn’t mind, it seemed, the blood that smeared along his own shirt, the sweat from the boy’s skin that was left as a film on his. Nat loved Jake - and her rescues did, too. 

He was the strong pillar of comfort that the Romantics needed, without expecting or wanting anything out of them in return. He was the perfect introduction to a world where you deserved to ask for comfort without having to worry that comfort meant giving away your body one more time, in a life where you didn’t remember a time when someone wasn’t taking it anyway.

By the time they’d laid some plastic out on the couch and put the boy down on top of it, he had slipped back into semi-consciousness, babbling to Jake, seeming to think he was someone else entirely, some name that rang as familiar in Nat’s mind but wasn’t anyone she knew, she didn’t think. He seemed to think Jake was another pet, but that was common - there hadn’t been another in Owen’s household, but that didn’t mean the boy had never met any.

She stepped into the kitchen, taking a deep breath, putting her hands briefly up over her face. She was alone - for once, Nat was perfectly and totally alone - and she let the guilt knock her over like a wave, let it run up and down her body, filling in all the empty places with a chorus of this is your fault, you helped them make this happen, you were one of the first employees, you you you you you.

She allowed herself only a few seconds - maybe a full minute - of the guilt. Self-pity, in her life, was a kind of luxury. Then she shook herself all over, set it to the side, and walked over to the cell phone lying on the kitchen counter, picking it up, looking at her contacts list. A series of numbers without names or labels, the burner phones they all bought and passed around to make sure no one number was associated with an address anyone might actually use it at.

You can’t be absolved for the things you’ve done, Natalie. You were the Pied Piper, once, and you can’t ever wipe away that it’s your fault, in part, that all these poor kids have lost their minds in the deepest, most complete sense of the word.

No… you can’t make the past any different. You can only make the choice to try and rebuild the foundations you helped that bitch learn to tear down.

She had a lot of phone calls to make now. First, though…

“Hey,” Nat said into the phone when the first number she called picked up. “Yeah, it’s me. Look, uh… Vince, is Tara with you? No? No, that’s okay, this is really a call for you anyway. You might want to, uh, to get ahold of her after you hear-”

A pause.

“Yeah, okay. Look. I have… some weird fucking news.”

Nat glanced over her shoulder, to see the boy in the couch holding tightly to Jake’s hands, and Jake leaning over to listen to him with an expression of reassuring total focus on his face.

“Weirder than that. Vince…”

The boy pushed himself up on his elbows, saying something slurred and urgent to Jake that Nat couldn’t quite hear. Jake slowly leaned forwards and rested his forehead against the boy’s, whispering back.

Nat smiled, just a little. God, she loved Jake. Couldn’t do the work she did without people like him.

Jake, who knew when a rescue needed to be left alone, or just talked to, or knew how to balance affection just right when the Romantics filtered in, touch-starved and terrified. Jake, who had a perfect instinct for when someone needed to be shown that you could even be touched in ways that weren’t designed to break you all over again.

“… Vince. Owen Grant’s boy is alive, and he’s in my living room.” There was a pause, and in the pause Jake smiled into the boy’s face and gently laid his hands back down. Nat felt tears prick her eyes. Even after eighteen years of trying to save them, sometimes it hit her with real force that while she couldn’t undo all the damage that had been done, she could keep trying.

Then Vince’s voice caught her off-guard - or not his voice, but what he said - and Nat froze.

“How long until you can see him? Have you lost your fucking mind? Are you drunk? It’s seven-thirty in the-…. You are drunk. Jesus. Vince. Sober up and call me back if you still think… no. Sober up first. If you still want to see him, tell me after… I don’t think it’s a good idea, but-… Fine. Okay. Goodbye.”

She hung up the phone, trying to think as she punched in Dr. Masood’s number next.

The wrong kind of attention and this boy could get her put in prison, her rescues hauled back to hell to be repaired or retrained or God forbid, refurbished. People like Jake would get put in jail for aiding and abetting if they were lucky, but Jake had a kind of fresh handsomeness to him and Nat was fairly sure he’d never see the inside of a jail cell… no, if this went south Jake would wake up in a white room, wearing a white shirt and black shorts, and since he knew all the tricks it might take a while, but soon enough he’d be a number and not a name.

Especially now that they had proof that it was happening already…

No.

She couldn’t live her life in fear of what could happen if she did the right thing. She could only keep trying.

They had to keep trying.

She couldn’t make up for Isaac Thompson and all the others, but she could keep trying to make up for it until the bitter end. Maybe, one day, it would feel like she had done even close to enough.

“Dr. Masood? I need you to come make a house call.”

#whump #tw: blood #tw: infected wound #tw: referenced gore (not direct) #rescued whumpee #defiant whumpee #caretaker #sickfic #h/c #hurt/comfort #sick whump #feverish whumpee #delirious whumpee #tw: referenced/implied past noncon #tw: referenced/implied past dubcon #touch-starved #touch starved #touch starvation #pet liberation movement #box boy #human pet #pet whump #dehumanization #box boy universe #natalie yoder: here to help the rescues #karen renford #whumpees-r-us #recovering whumpee #escaped whumpee #Jake the shelter guy

[sydnee-kom-spacekru]

Isolation (John Murphy x Reader Part 10)

warnings: fluffyyyy, John Murphy being adorable (I swear if he was real, he would be laughing his ass off...)

<<<>>>

He had stayed, claiming it was too close to his shift to go back to sleep. You had decided to go to sleep. You were exhausted, and you hadn't slept yet, and it was almost five in the morning.

You glanced up at him as you ready your cot to see him already staring at you. He had tried to play it off as staring into space, but it didn't work. You smile at him, and settle into bed, pulling the scratchy blanket up to your nose. Sleep caught you faster than you wouldve liked.

DREAM

You had been released from your month long prison, and you were happy with where you were. Things had been pretty calm. Until now. You were gojng to talk to Murphy when it had happened. 'Y/n!' A familiar voice called.

You froze. It was Bellamy. You turn around hesitantly, he was right in front of you. 'Y-Yes?' You whisper, hoping it would make you seem smaller.

Then he said something that surprised you, he said he was sorry. . . 'I never should have blamed you, it wasnt your fault.' You were shocked, he englufed you in a warm hug, burying his face in your shoulder. You squeeze him back, you had missed him. You felt your eyes well uo with tears, and you sniff.

'Im sorry. I'm so, so sorry.' You sob out. He nodded. You thought back on that day, you had screamed your voice raw. /I'm sorry/, you had yelled. You screamed it over and over and over again.

He strokes your hair. A gesture you had thought was a loving one. You were so terribly wrong. He entangled his hand in your hair, then yanked you back. You screached a little.

'Bell? What are you doing?' You were terrified. You saw him pull something shiny out of his jacket.

'Im getting revenge. You killed my mother. I kill you.' Your eyes grew wider as he talked. His face grew dark, and he pulled the knife back.

'BeLLAMY NO!' You screamed as he plunged the knife into your chest. In all honesty, you had barely felt it. Just a little pinch, like when you would get a shot. You sputtered out a final 'Im sorry', spraying blood droplets on to his face, before he pulled out the knife.

"Y/n!" A voice shook you awake. Your eyes shot open to see a worried face above yours. You were sweating, and at some point you had kicked off the blankets. You were shaken to say the least, and your heart was racing.

"What happened? You were yelling." Murphy questioned, and helped you sit up. You look under the door. Not a spot of light, you hadnt been asleep for long.

"I dont know. I dont remember." You were lying right through your teeth. You sit up, rubbing your head. You were sure he could see right through you.

"You just so happen to be a terrible lier. I'm asking one more time. If you don't answer honestly, I'm pouring ice water on you."

You laugh lightly. "Good. I stink." You try not to think too much about the dream, if you did, you knew you would start crying.

"We all stink. But I'm serious, what happened?" He rolls his eyes, not condescendingly, like normal, but in a joking manner.

"It was just a bad dream. Thats all." You have an idea, he wasn't generally one to follow rules. So he might be up for it.

<<<>>>

Idk if I posted this already, but if I did, here's an improved one. Part 11 next. I'm working on it rn.

#John Murphy #John Murphy x Reader #Isolation #Fluff

[flatstarcarcosa]

they said love is grabbing blindly at a pit full of snakes

Summary: Three months ago, Slade died. Four days ago, be barged back into the house like a whirlwind, and for a moment all was right with the world. Reese has discovered strangers can wear familiar faces, and to top it off: There is another Slade greeting them over morning coffee and acting as if nothing is wrong.

How can there be two Slades, and what do either of them want?

(part one) (part two) (part three)

Ship: wilson&wilson Warnings: violence, swearing, slight depictions of gore? there’s a big fight is all im sayin. slade kicks his own ass, finally, his life long dream.  sidenote: i decided to structure this piece similar to the comic. there’s titles between switches scenes, and the timeline isn’t entirely linear. i think it’s still simple enough to follow, but it was a neat exercise.

------------------------ 'The Man in the Mirror'  At the Same Time

“You think you can let them run away and everything will be fine?” Slade asks himself, sneering under his helmet. “For the record, I'm not actually here for Reese. They just happened to be a nice bonus.” 

“You talk too much to be me,” the other calls from his position behind the sofa. He's currently ripping the fabric on the bottom apart with his fingers, digging for the Glock hidden in the springs.  “We both love the sound of our own voice, you know that!”

 Slade scoffs, wrapping his hand around the comforting feeling of the gun. He doesn't bother to check it, there's no need: he knows it's hot.  He manages to get two shots off before he has to duck again. One goes wide and ricochets off the far living room wall, and he manages to think that at least it's finally a good excuse to remodel the fucking room as he pops off the second. It hits his double in the chest, and bounces almost harmlessly off his armor. What the fuck is that? He thinks, followed by where the fuck can I get some?

“I'm surprised Joesph hasn't shown up yet,” says the Other. “You know he's always chronically trying to be a hero. It's a disappointment, honestly.” “Joe is never a disappointment,” says the Original. He winces even as he says it, realizing he's falling into his own psychological traps. His Other talks the same way he does, and he's not used to being on the receiving end of his own tricks. He reminds himself to stop being goaded into responding as he fires three more shots.  They're not calculated, and he's pleased when his alter takes the bait and gets distracted with lunging to the left to dodge. The brief seconds allows him to slip the gun into his waist band and grab the sword he has hanging over the fireplace. It's not one of his usual weapons, and it's definitely not his reliable promethium blade. But it's battle ready and it's sharp, and it's solid in his hands and that's all he needs.  He closes the distance between them in a single breath, and his alter barely has time to parry. He doesn't have the time to get his own blade up, and instead uses his forearm to protect his neck.  “You know this won't end quickly,” says his alter. He grins behind the helmet, the gesture translating to his body language enough that Slade can't think of a time he's ever felt more disgusted with himself. “This doesn't have a happy ending. We don't get happy endings!”  “Shut up,” says Slade.  “You had a chance,” his alter continues. “And you've done nothing but piss on it, you just got lucky enough to trip into someone that's willing to believe it's rain.”

Despite telling himself not to be goaded, his temper gets the better of him. He shoves his body weight against the other man, knocking them both off balance as he reaches for the Glock. His double hits the ground first, and rolls back to his feet. Slade kicks the sword out of his hand, bringing the gun up and hoping like hell that from this close, it will do something against the helmet. He fires the last four rounds as quick as possible before putting space between the two of them again.  Inside the helmet, his double lets out a strangled growl. The bullets barely scratched the paint, but the force of the impact is enough to make his teeth rattle and his ears ring.  Slade turns on his heels, bounding up the stairs and making for his office. His double shakes his head, collecting his sword and giving chase.  “Pointless,” he hisses. ---------------

'The Cavalry',  Somewhere in Vermont

Wintergreen has several missed call notifications lighting up his phone screen, all of them from Reese. He furrows his brows as he opens his mailbox, holding the phone to his ear. He listens to them each in turn, growing more concerned as he does until he's almost running to his car as he dials Joey.

“Yeah, I know,” says Joey's electronically filtered voice. “I'm on my way now.”  “No,” says Bill, “I don't think you do know.”  “Dad has an evil clone, it tried to kill Rose and tore up half of New York,” says Joey monotonously.  “The clone, or whatever this is, ended up in Vermont. He's with Reese,” says Bill. Joey falls silent.  “Gotta go,” he says, terminating the call before Bill can say anything else. Bill swears as he turns the engine on.  “Wilson Family Problems, am I right?” he mutters to himself. ----------------

 'Ground Zero' Vermont Safehouse 

Unable to stop his own momentum, Slade instead focuses on his landing as he crashes through the wooden railing and slams into the dining room table below. Something in his rib cage snaps audibly. He hisses, rolling to his his feet as his armored double lands firmly on the splinters. 

“Why do you fight?!” he yells.  “The same reasons you do, I'll bet,” he answers.  “You will not win.” His double raises his sword. Slade grins at himself as he backs towards where the fighting began. The back door to the kitchen swings open as he does.  “I wasn't trying to,” he says, “I was buying time. Knowing when someone isn't going to listen to you comes in handy, occasionally.”  “Slade!” Reese yells. In their arms they hold his gear from his old armor, the sword made of Nth metal being the most important.  “Pointless,” his double says again. Reese throws the sword, and it is in that moment that time stops proceeding correctly. Slade reaches out with one hand and catches it firm as his double closes in and raises his gun. The two of them slam into each other, Slade running the alter through the abdomen with his sword arm and pushing the gun out of the way with the other.  He does not hear it go off.  He does hear the other man begin to laugh.  Suddenly, Reese gasps a watery, gurgling noise that seems impossibly loud in the sudden silence that's befallen the house. Slade's hold on his double loosens just slightly, and the other grins wildly.  Reese hits the floor with a soft thud.  “This seems familiar, huh?” he asks, almost jovially. “Looks like you gotta choose again. Finish me off, Reese dies. Save them, I get what I want and then I kill you both anyway. Time's a tickin' boy, better make your bets.”  “No,” Slade breathes, and for a moment it is not Reese lying on the floor bleeding out, it's Joesph. The images flash back and forth like some fucked up highlight reel: Joey, Reese, Joey, Reese. Somewhere in the back of his mind Adeline's voice chanting 'you killed my son' changes into Reese. 'You killed me, just like we always knew you would.' It happens too fast and too slow all at once. Slade looks over at himself, at the older and more scarred copy that seems to be reveling in the situation like a mad dog with a bone. “No,” he repeats. “Not again.” Slade lets go, turning his back to lunge for Reese. He's not quick enough, and his copy's blade thrusts upwards and outwards. His Ikon suit will stop it, the weapon unable to penetrate the gravity sheath's force field. Except he's not wearing the Ikon suit, is he? He's wearing a normal pair of hospital scrubs, and he is once again as he was just a short time ago: unarmed, and unarmored.  The blade plunges through his back, and his double's foot kicks him down as he pulls the sword back out. Slade hits the floor with a loud grunt. His abdomen is on fire as his blood begins splattering the floor.  He staggers to his knees, all but crawling across the tile. “I won't fail again,” he says hoarsely. His vision is still flashing between two of the things he's ever loved more than life itself: his son, and his soul mate.  He already failed his son, he can't fail Reese as well.  He promised himself too many times he would die before he did. “You still don't get it,” his alter growls. He plants a foot on either side of Slade's back, reaching down and grabbing him by the hair. “This is what you do. This is all you ever do, all you ever will do.”  “No,” Slade whispers. His double slams his face into the floor. One, twice, more. His vision begins to blur; from tears, from trauma. “Pathetic.” His double drops him, moving over to where Reese has landed in front of the cupboards. They hold their hands to their stomach, gasping. There's blood in their mouth, and they're fairly certain Slade's evil twin was using hollow points. They know enough to know neither of those things indicate a good prognosis. They are not going to be conscious long. The other Slade comes to a stop and kneels down in front of them. A quiet hissing fills the air as he removes his helmet, setting it on the floor and reaching out to brush his thumb against the side of their cheek.  “You know when you said how my you died, it was similar to Joey?” he asks softly. Reese blinks, confusedly. “It's because I was lying.”  “...w-what?” they manage to choke out.  “I realized something the day I drowned Rose,” he says, casually, “I cannot be two men at once. I cannot love a family, and love my work. I don't get both. I had to choose, so I chose. I knew that I loved you too much to continue living like I had been.”  He leans in and rests his forehead against theirs.  “Do you know what you're supposed to do with the things you love?”  “No...”  “You set them free”, he whispers. His blade slices into them, and Reese screams at a pitch they did not know they could reach. The last thing they are aware of is the feeling of his lips on their cheek, and the sight of their Slade sprawled a few feet away, drowning in a pool of his own blood. Neither Reese nor Slade are conscious the moment Joey busts through the side of the house. He tackles his not-father to the floor before using his overwhelming telepathy, fueled by the 'gift' bestowed by Lex Luthor, to encase the man in a bubble and float him out of the house. Joey takes to the skies, raising them both higher and higher until the very Earth falls away beneath them.  “It's time for a talk, pop,” he says. His voice echoes in the other Slade's ears loud enough to hurt.

#self shipping #reese.fic #ship: wilson & wilson at large #the trouble with doubles

[hannie-dul-set]

came down from heaven

— each and every human on earth has their designated angel to keep them safe from harm's hands. sadly, yn's previous guardian had to resign from protecting her due to some circumstances. so now, yoon jeonghan's taking over.

50 // heaven

word count: 1,704

a/n: AAAAA omg i'm so sorry this took too long to get out but it's finally here!! tomorrow's gonna be the epilogue in im just??? aAAA pls enjoy this technically final part 💓💞

<<prev | next>>

masterlist

taglist:

@svtbitch @yangieyua @kwanismsworld @hansw0rld @infinitemilkshakee @woohoney @marvel-snowbaz @mingyuahjumma

---

there was a strong hurricane erupting in your head as your eyes gaped across the small shop.

confusion, happiness, denial, relief— all these emotions swirling together inside your mind in an overwhelming blend that was too overwhelming for you to contain. you felt your heart lodged inside your throat and you were trying so hard to blink away the rush of tears that were threatening to spill out. your grip on the bundle of daisies started to tighten and so did the constraint in your chest.

"...jeonghan?"

your voice and hands were shaking and the words came out more like a squeak than anything. seconds went after seconds, and keeping the dam from breaking was becoming near impossible.

the male stood from across the shop, back facing you as his attention was directed towards the few baskets of sweetheart roses. you haven't seen his face, but you just know that it's him.

his mere presence was magnifying you towards him. you wanted to run straight to him— to drown yourself in his arms. you wanted to make sure he was okay, to make sure that this was real. you wanted to cry, sob into his chest, tell him how much you missed him, how much you love him, how much it felt like absolute fucking hell without him here.

tell him how you wouldn't handle losing him once again.

but you were afraid.

what if he disappears again because of you? and what if he disappears for good?

the internal conflict in your head kept you from doing anything— you stood frozen the moment you had recognized him and only watched as his attention wandered from flower after flower. you were thankful that he hadn't noticed you yet, but at the same time you wanted him to turn around, to set your eyes on the face that you've been dying to see all this time.

your teeth sank down into your bottom lip, willing yourself to take a small step forward towards the male (and trying not to cry too much in the process). but the farthest you managed to go was just one step before the said male suddenly started to swivel around in your direction.

sirens went off in your head and you let out a tiny panicked shriek, catching a glimpse of his features before stumbling behind a wall that divided the shop. back leaned against the wall, you tried to catch your breath from the sudden rush.

"you dumb idiot, why the hell did you do that!"

hands covering your face, you slid down onto the dark wooden floor (luckily, there were only two other people in the store besides you and jeonghan). you sighed, giving yourself a few seconds to think about the pure and absolute stupidity that you have just done. it seems like you'll always manage to make a fool out of yourself whenever he's around.

you closed your eyes, your fingers padding around the ground looking for your bouquet of daisies, but you promptly snapped them open after your failure in finding them. brows furrowed, you tried scanning for the bunch of white blooms.

"what? where did they go? i swear—"

you froze, your vision landing on the flowers.

"oh, fuck me."

there, lying on where you were previously standing, were the daisies that you've been looking for. it seemed like you managed to drop them in the middle of the store during your frantic attempt of running away from jeonghan. letting out a long huff of air, you decided to quickly retrieve it and make a run for it outside the shop.

obviously, you wanted to bring things back to the way they were, but you weren't exactly in the best state at the moment to make good decisions (and you didn't have enough mental preparation to see him again).

you stood up and were about to move out from your hiding spot until you heard footsteps making their way towards the bouquet.

letting out a curse, you straightened your position. you pressed your back harder against the wall hoping that you would just disappear into the surface and never to be seen again. you could hear your breathing becoming rapid as the footsteps inched nearer. why in god's name you were so nervous, you had no clue. you spent weeks wallowing in your own puddle of sadness because you thought you'd never get to see him again, but how come you were so—

"excuse me,"

a soft and mellow voice broke through your mental screaming, causing you to jump and let out a yelp. you pressed your lips together, keeping your head down as you felt the tears threatening to spill. his voice alone was enough to bring you to the brink of a breakdown, you'd probably lose it if you saw his face.

"did you drop these?"

fuck fuck fuck— you wanted him so fucking bad, but your fears were keeping you from doing so. you were the reason why he broke so many laws and ended up getting punished, and it could happen again. you may not know what he went through up above, but you know it wasn't good— and you just couldn't live with that. you'd rather give him up than risk him getting a punishment again.

"y-yes, thank you—" head still down, you grabbed the bouquet from his grasp and swiftly went past him, heading directly towards the door.

the sense of familiarity of the situation made you want to crumble even more. you felt the wetness dripping down your cheeks as you continued to stride away from him. jeonghan didn't seem to go after you, and you didn't want to look behind to make sure. you kept on walking, rejecting every single thought that tried to break through inside your head.

your legs kept moving until the flower shop's exit was right in front of you

and then you stopped.

the daisies you were holding close to your chest had dots of tears that rolled down from your eyes. you tried to purge your mind from all your deliberations, but one managed to get through you.

what if everything turns out to be okay?

you remained in a halt in front of the door for a few more moments as your thoughts continued running.

the store was quiet, and the only sound you could hear was the intensity of your heartbeats. you let a long gust of breath slip past your lips, slowly turning around to face the male entirely.

he stood there in the middle of the shop as breathtaking as ever, and the moment your eyes landed his felt like a wave of emotions hitting you at once.

you couldn't take it.

small steps turned into a sprint and the last thing you knew you were in his embrace and sobbing loudly into his chest.

"you— you piece of shit, i thought you died!" you continued your muffled sobs, your hands clutching the back of his shirt tightly as if you thought he'd disappear in any moment. you felt his hand land at the back of your head as you buried yourself further and continued to speak in between your hiccups.

"did— did you know h—how terrified i was?! i thought— i thought i was never gonna see you again, i—i thought—"

"hey, hey. stop crying, love."

jeonghan let go of you, but your hands were still clutching his sleeves. you looked up at him, sniffling and eyes red from all the crying. both of his hands cupped your face, his thumbs wiping your endless stream of tears, and he gave you an assuring smile.

"i'm here."

he leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss on your forehead.

"i'm not going anywhere."

you two stared at each other for a good moment. but rather than making your crying stop completely, you just started to cry even harder. once more you wrapped yourself around him, and broke into another wave of tears. jeonghan let out a small chuckle then proceeded to embrace you as well.

for a couple of minutes, the both of you stayed in each others warmth (nobody in the store seemed to question you). your crying had finally ceased and you reluctantly removed yourself from jeonghan.

"w—wait a minute," lips formed in a pout, you wiped away your excess tears. "why— i mean, how come you're here? joshua told me everything. he said you were being sentenced for all the laws you broke."

your expression was inquisitive and you waited for his response. he gave you smile then placed his hand on your head, giving it a little pat.

"you're right, they did give me a punishment."

you narrowed your eyes, still clearly confused. "what— what kind of punishment?"

jeonghan could sense the concern laced in your voice. he pressed his lips together, trying to figure out how to explain it to you. his prolonged silence was starting to worry you, so you opened your mouth to assure him that he didn't have to tell but his words beat yours.

"i'm not an angel anymore, y/n."

there was a pause in the air.

"that's my 'punishment'— i'm officially just a regular human now."

you stared at him, waiting for him to say that it was a joke or some shit but nothing came after that.

"you're serious? this— this isn't just a joke, right? you are a normal person now?" he nodded, and your mouth gaped in disbelief.

"so this means—"

"yep," his arms landed around your waist and he pulled you closer to him. "we don't have to worry about demons or breaking any laws anymore."

you felt your heart melting with the way his face just lights up.

"it's just you and me, love."

you couldn't help yourself— you kissed him. all the days the both of you spent longing for each other, hoping to see each other once again was worth each and every second of this burning moment.

the both of you pulled away, slightly out of breath and smiles filled with nothing but love and content etched on your faces.

jeonghan might not be an angel anymore, but each moment you spend together feels like a moment spent in heaven.

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