#in THIS unhealed context at least

[savcir-faire]

tired of being the most competent one in the bedroom!!!!!! can men learn to FUCK please?!????

#txtit #‘’just fuck women then’’ #unfortunately i see women as people n therefore will not be visiting my peculiar brand of horror unto them #in THIS unhealed context at least #sigh….. miss Him #no i will not elaborate im trying to rid myself of the brainworms thankYEW #ok i will elaborate just a smidge just. a teaspoon #tags from here on out just explicit. cw ms. nasty over here #when i leaned over to grab the condom his tongue laving a wet strip up the tattoo on my hip #wrapping his whole arm around my lower back and cantin my hips up to meet his cock like 🫥 #fucked like he was a drownin man and i was the last sweet breath of air before he was pulled under #this other guy i regularly see is very technically good but he holds his dick like a hotdog and it gave me the ick idk #no one fucks me better than the holidays i fear 😌 #everyone else? also ran #tongue

[g0thicf0xskulls]

you should totally post what all the drama was now that they aren't in your life and its safe to do so. Cause holy shit am I curious. 🍄

this all goes years into the past for context, back to when i was 16. i’m 21 now, mind you. i first met the good one over instagram. they had began to date one of my partners, so my partner introduced us, and we hit it off immediately. a long time after they and i met, our mutual partner convinced me they were calling me abusive. so i blocked them on everything. a little while after, i broke up with our mutual partner because of reasons i can’t remember. so the good one and i lost contact before i turned 18. fast forward a few years, 19, having just given birth to a child, and the ex mutual partner comes back into my life, bringing the good one with them. and we reconnect as if nothing happened, and we’re talking and we find out how the mutual ex fucked us both over, so we cut off mutual ex together. and then we kept talking and we stayed friends, and so they let me know they were dating the conflicting one. i don’t remember if i had been told about it but apparently they had an agreement, anyone who was friends with either had to be friends with both, if anyone wanted to date either they had to date both. so i forced myself to get to know the conflicting one. we were all friends for a while, but the good one and i realized we still had feelings for each other. so we began to date, and because of the boundary i dated their partner too. but while we were with the mutual ex, i had heard some horrible things about the conflicting one, so for the longest time i was hesitant. but then they moved from their state to mine last year in june, and then i got to know them, and they seemed cool, but i didn’t want to be dating them and slowly the relationship between the conflicting one and i turned toxic (no thanks in part as well to our shitty living situations and stress), until sometime around christmas we had a huge blow up and i cut them out of my life. but the good one kept pushing and telling me to talk to the conflicting one. they always had been a fixer, so they were trying to fix things for the conflicting one and i, and i blew up on them. after my blow up, i was just exhausted, which gave me the clarity to think. so i tried to let the conflicting one back in, but there was a lot of lingering hurt and unhealed pain from how i had left during christmas. we were trying to heal together, but a lot of things happened so they had to move out of my state to a different one, this one being their hometown. they just moved at the end of february. and this is when i told them about my blog, and they both found it and were concerned. i explained to them it’s a journal blog, as most on this site are. but then i found the conflicting ones blog, and it hurt… so i blocked both of them in order to prevent myself from using the conflicting ones blog as a method of self punishment or self harm. but the conflicting one had a backup blog, and they used it to find mine again. so they confronted me about the asks. we spent nearly 2 days arguing (when i WOULD text back of course, they spent most of the time spamming my phone trying to push me into talking). by the end of the argument, i was spiraling. so i said fuck it, and i told them “if you’d like me out of your life, then that’s fine. and since you’re their partner, if you’d like me to break contact with the good one, then i’ll find a way to break it to them gently. it might be safer for both of y’all at this point if i do…” and they told me they’d get back to me after work. it was much sooner than after work… and i was told to break contact with the good one, but to leave the conflicting ones phone number unblocked in case i’m in an emergency or i move to the state they’re in so i can return belongings to them that have been left in my possession since it couldn’t fit amongst their belongings during the move. so there’s the drama, or at least what i remember/am willing to share

#actually bpd #bpd blog #bpd fp #bpd thoughts #bpd be like #bpd vent #bpd problems #actually borderline #bpd moment #bpd feels #bpd yandere #bpd obsession #obsessive love disorder #obsessive thinking #obsessive vent #obsessive yandere #actually obsessive #obsessive love #obsessive thoughts #obsession #🍄 anon

[cvbullshit]

I now have two songs that I can use for Red's unhealed trauma side/breakdowns

Honestly they could literally be part one and two for each other(in this context) despite literally having nothing to do with each other

If I don't make an animatic of each one, I'm at least putting them in a trauma playlist for Red

#cursedverse #random post #cv stuff #cv red #literally i feel so bad for him #when i listen to the songs i just feel sad #poor buddy #it's okay #you have your best friends #and your lovely boyfriend

[apoemadaykeepsthehoesaway]

Wild With All Regret

-Wilfred Owen (1893-1918)

(To S.S.) //Siegfried Sassoon

*

My arms have mutinied against me, - brutes!

My fingers fidget like ten idle brats,

My back’s been stiff for hours, damned hours.

Death never gives his squad a Stand-at-ease.

I can’t read. There: it’s no use. Take your book.

A short life and a merry one, my buck!

We said we’d hate to grow dead old. But now,

Not to live old seems awful: not to renew

My boyhood with my boys, teach ‘em hitting,

Shooting and hunting, - and all the arts of hurting!

- Well, that’s what I learnt. That, and making money.

Your fifty years in store seems none too many,

But I’ve five minutes. God! For just two years

To help myself to this good air of yours!

One spring! Is one too hard to spare? Too long?

Spring air would find its own way to my lung,

And grow me legs as quick as lilac-shoots.

*

Yes, there’s the orderly. He’ll change the sheets

When I’m lugged out. Oh, couldn’t I do that?

Here in this coffin of a bed, I’ve thought

I’d like to kneel and sweep his floors for ever, -

And ask no nights off when the bustle’s over,

For I’d enjoy the dirt. Who’s prejudiced

Against a grimed hand when his one’s quite dust, -

Less live than specks that in the sun-shafts turn?

Dear dust - in rooms, on roads, on faces’ tan!

I’d love to be a sweep’s boy, black as Town;

Yes, or a muck-man. Must I be his load?

A flea would do. If one chap wasn’t bloody,

Or went stone-cold, I’d find another body.

*

Which I shan’t manage now. Unless it’s yours.

I shall stay in you, friend, for some few hours.

You’ll feel my heavy spirit chill your chest,

And climb your throat, on sobs, until it’s chased

On sighs, and wiped from off your lips by wind.

I think on your rich breathing, brother, I’ll be weaned

To do without what blood remained me from my wound.

*

Some Context & Quotes:

•This was later expanded into Owens poem ‘A Terre’

• “W’s death was an unhealed wound and the ache of it has been with me ever since. I wanted him back - not his poetry” - Sassoon on Owen’s death

• “I held you as Keats + Christ + Elijah + my Colonel + my father confessor + Amenophis IV in profile. What’s that mathematically?

In effect, it is this: that I love you, dispassionately, so much, so very much, dear fellow, that the blasting little smile you wear on reading this can’t hurt me in the least.

If you consider what the above Names have severally done for me, you will know what you are doing. And you have fixed my Life - however short. You did not light me: I was always a mad comet; but you have fixed me. I spun round you a satellite for a month, but I shall swing out soon, a dark star in the orbit where you will blaze.” - Wilfred Owen to Siegfried Sassoon

#honestly this one makes me cry so much #he’s so full of love #ww1 #war poetry #wilfred owen #thought I’d add some context and quotes to this one #let me know if you think I should keep doing that #or just write separate analyses or maybe add my analysis to the end of the poem? #I don’t know #remembrance #grief #love poetry

[hereticallyeverafter]

Long Introspective on Character Affiliation, line break to protect from my unpopular/horrible taste in ships:

On mobile, sorry for any linebreak goofs or typos, Im smort honnest lol.

I know I sparked some outrage, or rather, Spicy Discourse, by discussing my Littlesansa shippage- not that I regret that necessarily lol I still believe it would be/have been a politically advantageous move, but I want you all to know that I did do some reflection on my taste in characters. I understand that out of context, my proposal is horrifying and I don't deny that, but I have noticed my peculiar affinities for Unhinged Characters, not just GoT related. I think I haveva better grip o why, so I need everyone to momentarily suspend their judgement for a sec, I'm invoking a Safe Space Barrier. None of this is an excuse for my taste in characters (and people because it extends to real life too, with the sort of consequences one might imagine lol), just an explanation.

Other "Problematic Ships" I stan are Sessrin- I still invoke Cultural Context on this one because historically speaking, in that era of Japan, etc etc.- and Jolysui, so very clearly I lean towards just plain weird men.

I know the meter by which one measures out a reasonable amount of empathy is broken inside me and that I tend to empathize and extend grace to those who don't deserve it. But after the recent stink, I began to connect some dots. Like I said, you think my ships are bad, you should see my life. I've always gravitated towards "weird" or difficult to love people and that trait has been perceived and taken advantage of plenty. I guess you could say I do it to myself to an extent- if someone is a known asshole, when the relationship inevitably crashes and burns, you always have the "out" of saying "at least I tried".

It's like trying to pet a snarling dog over and over. It doesn't matter what your intentions are, intention doesn't protect you from consequences when you know or can reasonably surmise that the animal - or, to extend the metaphor, person- is hurting or fearful. I have been that stupid.

I think the characters I like are just an extension of that, but within the comparative safety of a fictional universe lol.

I realized this and began to wonder if I really am that stupid- expecting my innocence to shelter me from consequence- or I'd there's more to dig through. At what point does naiveté cross into being manipulative? Think about it: You see someone with all these red flags and attempt to befriend them but keep getting hurt. You have put that person in an unwinnable position: either they are going to continue acting from a place of unhealed trauma that they aren't ready to face, or they will respond favorably but still be forced to confront their ugly track record. You can't love or force people into healing, and simply trying is asking for creating resentment whether they heal or not. Unconscious or not, that is manipulative behavior at worst, and manipulative regardless as a form of emotional self-harm on your part for instigating the situation at best.

I've come to realize that some degree of me has been manipulative in this way in the past from a lack of security. I think my ships of certain characters are a reflection of that, and my "broken empathy valve" is a self-preservation excuse, but also stems from my neurodivergence. A lot of people like to blame their ND-status on their bad behavior, but I have ADHD with autistic tendencies, so there IS some bleed-through. While I acknowledge where my "bad taste" stems from, recognizing it in real time is still difficult, and I thinks what's worse is, I tend to gravitate, as all NDs do- towards other ND people or ND-coded characters.

So a fictional character I simp for in the safety of Imagination Land might look Unhinged or Proplematic to the average NT layperson but to me, it makes sense. While the people I like are red flags, the one thing I can say, the green lining if you will, is that they lack pretense. Because their pain or limitations are so bare, when I inevitably get bitten, at least I CAN blame myself because I knew what I was getting into, they didn't lie about themselves. They didn't hide their intent. They didn't or couldn't mask.

I doubt anyone would read this or read this far, and I am afraid if someone does, they'll just roll their eyes and call it an excuse anyway. God forbid anyone enjoy anything. We can separate the art from the artist but not the art from the viewer. I can say my silly little ships are ultimately harmless but there are people who will argue that it's not, like I'm going to start advocating for child marriage or human/demon interbreeding. I only care about a person's ships insofar as what it reveals about them psychologically (hence the word wall) but I would never stoop to presume that they were actionable bc that's just such a weird leap to make. My bad taste in people wasn't or isn't informed by my "bad taste" in fictional characters; it's the other way around lol

#armchair psychology #ships and neurodivergence #unpopular ships #not naming names Im not starting that again lol #long read #psychoanalogy #i wroted u an essay i hope u wike it uwu

[totally-not-deacon]

💧Rain - What's the most emotional scene you've ever written?

☀️ Sun - What's your favorite part of your WIP?

I'll be honest, the answer to both is the same!

I'm gonna go ahead and put this under the cut. [TW for PTSD, loose trauma mentions]

It's uh... Emotional to me at least since it steadily became a lot more... personal. For context, my girl's been surviving (barely) for years now with unhealed trauma, and its associated vices. At this point, she's essentially had all of that forced to the forefront, and feels herself slipping into an, for lack of a better word, apathetic freefall. Substance abuse, lashing out, the mood swings. And by god the impulse control issues.

Basically, what started as me wanting to get a more well-rounded picture of how PTSD affects a person, ended up a lot more reflective of my *own* past, how I handled/am still handling things, and just how much having someone out to catch you can be a literal lifesaver.

It's slow going and definitely can leave me raw after writing, but it's also extremely cathartic. Do recommend trauma dumping on an OC 👍

#asks #tw ptsd #oc marasa #putting this poor girl through hell rn

[ncssian]

doing the @vidalinav thing is so much easier than doing the writing a whole fic thing, so here’s a vague continuation from this valentine’s day snippet

context: in which nesta receives the love she never had from the man she least expected it from

***

What do you want for dinner today? Nesta’s phone buzzes at 5:15 on the dot.

After a brief period of discomfort at Cassian’s daily texts about meals, she’s learned how to respond as easily as if she were giving her restaurant order to a waiter. She’ll never admit it out loud, but his pre-dinner texts have become the highlight of her day. Mostly because she loves having free food provided at her every whim.

At a red light on the way home from work, Nesta types out a quick reply to Cassian: Carbs. Every kind of carb. Had a rough day.

Whatever awkwardness Nesta feels at sharing an apartment with her ex-not-boyfriend is outweighed by the fact that he cooks and cleans for free. Nesta has no business harboring resentment at someone who makes a killer filet mignon and does the dishes afterward, so she treats Cassian with casual friendliness instead. As if he’s a stranger she picked up off the street and offered to let live with her.

A new start, Cassian called it.

Nesta is surprisingly okay with this. She hasn’t at all forgotten the ancient, unhealed wounds that lie between her and Cassian, but…she’s more than willing to let go of the memories and the pain. She knows better now, and that’s the only comfort she needs.

When she gets home, she’s greeted by the smell of rose oil instead of the smell of cooking.

From the hallway leading away from the living area and kitchen, Cassian pokes his head out of the bathroom door, his hazel eyes searching the apartment until they land on Nesta at the entryway. A small smile makes his eyes crinkle up at the sight of her, but the look quickly turns apologetic as he says, “Change of plans. I didn’t want to make you wait for home-cooked food, so I ordered takeout.”

“Okay,” she says slowly, setting her purse and coat down. A bit of a disappointment, but she’s relieved not to have to wait for dinner. She’s starved after skipping lunch today. “What are you doing in the bathroom?”

“I had free time since I wasn’t cooking and I drew up a hot bath for you.” He waves her over to the hallway, and Nesta warily pads over to their shared bathroom. A blast of steamy air infused with roses hits her at the door.

Nesta never gapes, but what she’s doing now is dangerously close to gaping. “What is this for?”

“You said you had a hard day,” Cassian says. He shoves her lightly toward the fresh bath overflowing with bubbles. “Get undressed. I’ll make bread rolls while we wait for the food.”

Nesta stumbles into the bathroom and Cassian half-shuts the door for privacy as he leaves.

Too stunned to do much other than follow Cassian’s instructions, she slips out of her dress and stockings and cautiously approaches the bath. Dipping a toe in, she has to repress a full-bodied shudder at the perfect warmth of the water. The smell of bath salts and essential oils invades her nose and runs all the way down to her last frayed nerves, soothing away the stresses of the day.

Nesta makes quick work of climbing into the tub and fully submerging under the water. She doesn’t know how long she’s in there for, playing with the bubbles and swirling the water around, when a knock sounds and Cassian reappears at the doorway. “Got the rolls in the oven.”

Nesta’s ears perk up at that. She fucking loves his bread rolls.

“Can I?” Cassian gestures to the tub, one foot hovering over the bathroom threshold in hesitation.

Nesta has no idea what he means or what he wants, but the tub is high enough to cover her up to her neck, so she lets him approach her with a careful nod. She watches him out of the corner of her eye as he wanders in and takes a seat on the low stool beside the tub, but her body remains oddly relaxed at his presence. Even if this situation is weird and unexpected, being with Cassian these last several weeks has become almost as easy as being with Gwyn or Emerie— just two friends content to share each other’s company, with familiarity and comfort taking the place of tension.

“Wanna talk about your day?” Cassian offers.

The question eases the cautiousness slinking around Nesta’s body like a cat. She huffs, “Don’t get me started,” before kicking one leg up onto the rim of the tub, then the other. “I’m dealing with the worst case right now.” Just thinking about her current client makes her feel heavy; she reminds Nesta so much of her younger self.

“I can tell,” he chuckles in a low tone. “It’s all over you.”

“Thanks so much,” she drawls.

Cassian scoots his stool over so he’s positioned right behind Nesta and asks smoothly, “Can I? You look like you need it.”

Before she can think on it, Nesta nods. She doesn’t even realize what she’s nodding to until Cassian’s broad hands come down on her shoulders and squeeze firmly. Her breath catches in her throat and her spine straightens.

“Relax,” he orders in a gentle tone she’s never heard before these last few months. “You’ll make new knots before I get these ones out.” He emphasizes one knot in her back by digging his thumb into her shoulder blade.

Nesta presses her lips together until they turn white—not at the pain in her too-tense muscles, but at the utter shock that Cassian is giving her a shoulder massage. In a bath that he drew for her.

A thousand questions and concerns spring to her mind. Cassian rubs into a spot near the top of her spine that has her head falling forward onto her chest, and she breathes the deep scent of roses and pomegranate seed into her lungs. “Why are you doing this?” Her voice comes out in a croak she doesn’t intend.

She thinks he’ll play dumb, but he thinks over his answer as he massages her shoulders instead. “I just felt bad that you were feeling bad,” he eventually says.

That answers nothing for Nesta. Is he overcompensating for all the shit that happened between them in the past? Has he been feeling more guilty than usual lately, and this is his way of apologizing? Or—Nesta feels the old slither of distrust snake through her bones—he’s doing all this to manipulate her back into his bed before he hurts her yet again. He’s trying to gain her trust before twisting it into a weapon for his own use.

No—even if that were true, Nesta knows better now. She’ll never fall for that trap again, whether Cassian tries to seduce her or not.

She bites back a groan as Cassian works out a particularly tough knot between her shoulder blades, refusing to make a sound while she stews over these thoughts in the bath.

“You should let others take care of you more,” Cassian says when she doesn’t respond to him. “Even after all these years, you still carry too much by yourself.”

Tears prick Nesta’s eyes at his words. No one’s ever said that about her. No one’s ever done this for her, period, and even if it’s fake, it’s nice to experience.

She takes a stupid risk and decides to be honest to Cassian in return.

“You’ve changed,” she admits, twisting her head to look him in the eyes. “You’re so much… easier to talk to now. You’re a lot calmer when you have no one to answer to.”

Everything was always so tense between them in their past relationship, and not always in a good way. It was a relationship between her and him and five other people—his friends and family. Nesta always had her back stiffened and chin tilted in defense of an incoming attack, in case Cassian or one of his loved ones decided they wanted to pick a fight on whatever given day. It was an exhausting way to be in love.

“So I’m less of a volatile asshole, is what you’re saying?” Cassian says, his own eyes soft and teasing and…mournful.

Nesta turns back around, facing away from him. “Among other things, yes.”

A moment passes before he continues rubbing her neck. “Thank you,” he finally murmurs. “I really am doing my best.”

“That’s good to hear,” Nesta murmurs half-heartedly. She honestly isn’t paying much attention to the conversation anymore, because his hands feel so good on her back and the water is so warm and she feels so sleepy.

Her guard drops, and when Cassian runs a firm hand up her spine that lands at the base of her skull and squeezes, she lets an embarrassing sound of pleasure escape her.

She stiffens at the same time that she hears Cassian inhale a sharp breath behind her. All of a sudden, cold air replaces where his hands were massaging her skin. “I should go,” Cassian fumbles a bit breathlessly, knocking the stool back as he gets up. “I’m sorry, this was inappropriate.”

Before Nesta can even comprehend what just happened, Cassian is out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him in a hurry.

***

@rarephloxes

@moodymelanist

@arinbelle

@sayosdreams

@bridgertononmymind

@live-the-fangirl-life

@a-court-of-valkyries

@secretlovelybeauty

@humanexile

@helion-ism

@my-fan-side

@royaltykxx

@xoblivisci

@planet-faerie

@katekatpattywack

@imagine-me

@meridainthedisneyland

@jungtaekwoonie-is-life

@rainbowcheetah512

@valkyriewarriors

@loosingdreams

@chosenfamily-valkyriequeens

@perseusannabeth

@swankii-art-teacher

@laylaameer01

@angelic-voice-1997

@awesomelena555

@claralady

@ghostlyrose2

@thewayshedreamed

@drielecarla

@superspiritfestival

@aliveahaahahafuck

@thebluemartini

@nessiantho

@missing-merlin

@duskandstarlight

@lucy617

@sleeping-and-books

@cassianscool

@wannawriteyouabook

@everything-that-i-love

#nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #ncssianwrites #god i wish i’d edited this

[hillbillyoracle]

Some Thoughts on Why White Pagans Need to Heal Their Relationships with Christianity

Note: I've been trying to write a piece like this for months and the only way I know how to write this is to be very vulnerable and personal. So just please keep that in mind as you read this. It isn't very refined and it's something I'm still very much in process with, to borrow a phrase from my charismatic Christian upbringing. It's more a diary entry than a finished piece and none of these thoughts are original or eloquent. My hope it's helpful to see someone thinking through these things though.

If you're white and you don't want to further colonization and imperialism in your spirituality, then going back to Christianity in some form is pretty necessary; to do the work of decolonizing it's doctrines and to prevent taking from traditions that aren't ours.

This is just the conclusion I've arrived at after a lot shadow working in and around both my ancestors and my religious trauma. My ancestors aren't all white Europeans. But given that I'm white and I don't have any way to carry on the traditions of those that weren't, I feel like the best way to honor those non-white ancestors is to go back to the spiritual traditions I do have access to and doing the work of reshaping them into something less harmful.

I have read and intellectually understood that culture forms the foundation of spirituality and that when you remove something from it's originating culture, that concept or tool no longer works properly, if at all. In working with my non-white ancestors, I really got it on a practical and emotional level. There was this sense that they'd love for me to know their traditions but that it required an understanding that just isn't possible for me given my upbringing and disconnection - "you don't know the words and there's no way to find a person who can teach you" as one ancestor put it. It was an important reminder that "this isn't for white people" isn't merely a categorical assertion but a cultural and practical one.

They've generally asked I stick to practices I have a cultural grounding in when honoring them, even though it is not theirs - the cultural and linguistic element is that important to them. They would rather an authentic expression of gratitude and care through a ritual that isn't theirs rather than an imitation of one that is or being left out of my practice all together. Which makes sense to me in a relational way I hadn't fully grasped before.

In working with my white ancestors, I've come to more viscerally understand that the present understanding of Christianity is wildly different than other historical understandings. One thing that surprised me was that some of my more recent ancestors have expressed more discomfort around my queerness and transness than many of my older ancestors but both root their understanding in the Bible. I enjoyed one ancestor who, when I explained that I'm partnered with a woman, to mean that I would have a life of service - "no men to distract you from God" - which I mean is not wrong on several levels. It really highlighted for me that Christian doctrine is far more flexible than I'd initially thought. It challenged ideas I'd picked up through traumatic religious experiences. So much of what I'd assumed was Christianity itself seems to be more Christianity right now.

The historical angle is really important me. One of the things that drove my interest in Paganism was trying to understand what came before Christianity, to connect with whatever had been cut off in that process. The more I've come to learn about imperialism within Europe - how various empires conquered and destroyed localized traditions indigenous to parts of Europe - it clicked for me that my white ancestors did to others what had been done to them. It is intergenerational trauma in a nutshell.

It's also striking to me that so many people term the traditions pagans pull from as "dead" religions or at the very least "not living". For years I took that to mean they were "safe" to take from, that I wouldn't hurt anyone by doing so. But I hadn't really understood the weight of what "dead" meant - that there was no one left alive who could teach me, that I can't live in a context where all of the beliefs, tools, and traditions make intuitive sense. And if it was important to my ancestors who had had a connection to their traditions, then what was I missing by reanimating these traditions without that link?

I don't have a full visceral understanding of what I'm missing to be honest. I have a feeling that'll develop as my practice evolves. But that question alone has marked a pretty important change in how I understand myself spiritually.

The living and cultural element to my practice is more important to me now. For me, just given the family, community, and area I was raised in, that means Christianity is the living tradition I have access to and I've been revisiting it. I was reading an interview the other day with someone who is both a Catholic theologian and a practicing Buddhist. I liked the way he put it when he referred to Catholicism as "one of his sources of wisdom". That better captures my relationship with Christianity that's been unfolding over the last few months.

Making sure that intergenerational spiritual trauma stops as much as possible with me is really important. I had mistakenly thought that meant abandoning Christianity all together, that it was the problem. Which in hindsight, is fucking wild - I hugely fucked up there. There's nothing stopping me from just enacting the harm I learned in the context of Christianity in a different context, a Pagan context. It doesn't get to the root of the issue. At the end of the day, I just want to be sure I do not use my religion, any religion, to further the harms of structural inequality and colonial oppression. That's the goal.

In reading around about this, I've come to feel pretty strongly that one of the best ways to work toward that is to strive toward animism. Animism has been a great antidote to the spiritual entitlement that colonial religions cultivate (including white paganism). Animism also builds a relational spirituality rather than a goal/individual centered one. White paganism isn't inherently animistic since white culture teaches values that undermine quality relationships - individualism, competitiveness, and seeking domination of some fashion in order to feel safe. An animistic lens requires you unlearn those values and cultivate new ones - mutuality, respect, and accountability.

So all this is to say that given my current understanding, I think trying to build a practice out of New Age concepts while trying to avoid appropriation sounds impossible and hellish. I also think it doesn't deal with the work that needs done. I'm choosing to take an animist lens to the living traditions I do have to see if that's a better space for both my spirituality and my evolving understand of decolonizing to grow in.

People will rightly question my use of the term "shadow work" given this perspective. Shadow work is a problematic term for a lot of different reasons that are beyond the scope of this piece.  Where I'm at with it right now is that most western religious traditions seem to have some understanding of what we might call shadow work which points to it being important and useful. However they all used different terms given their contexts so I'm still unsure of what term might be the most appropriate given where I'm at. So for right now, you might see me use it less in the title or body of work I write from here on out, but I still might use it as a tag to make it findable. There's a good shot this doesn't go far enough and I'm not sold on this approach. Just know it's something I'm trying to figure out.

So that's where I'm at right now. I think white pagans really need to be more serious about animism at minimum and hopefully also looking at the role living religious traditions play in their current practice as well. I think white pagans' unhealed reactivity around Christianity too often serves as a justification for spiritual appropriation and furthering colonial harm. Changes are definitely needed. What that looks like in practice for individuals will likely vary a ton. I'd love to hear from other folks doing work in this vein. What's worked for you so far? What hasn't? Where are you in the process?

#witchblr #witch #magic #pagan #paganism #A lot of this is inspired by working with the Hierophant more closely

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Okay, I’m gonna share something I never thought I would so here goes. I triggered myself & now I wanna angry vent about it.

Important context: (1) our therapist told us she believes our dad is both a narcissist (NPD) & a sociopath (ASPD), both from what we experienced & the time she met him on accident (we live in the same city so they ran into each other); (2) unhealed narcissists view their spouse & children as an extension of them, not their own people (even to the extreme of, ‘if you lose your v*rg*n*ty, that's MINE & how dare someone take it’); & (3) our dad was diagnosed with NPD & then immediately changed therapists to get away from the diagnosis

So....

I'm not gonna give details but when we first moved to what we call The Old Neighborhood™ in the city we still live in, we got hurt.

We were nine when that happened.

We went home & didn’t tell our parents.

What happened when we got home?

Dad was gone at work. Mom immediately yelled at us for making a mess (it had been raining, we were soaked in rain & bl**d) & told us we'd have to clean up. We went in, took a shower, changed, & got forced to clean up.

We didn’t tell them.

Fast-forward to 21 years old. We had finally accepted we're a system & decided to tentatively tell Dad (who was generally calm & the less explosive parent, & one we didn't really remember ever being toxic/mean) that we'd been diagnosed with C-PTSD, just to tiptoe into the conversation.

He exploded & went off that the only “real” trauma (/snark at him) was (1) seeing someone get m*rd*red (or seeing someone succeed at su*c*de), (2) being r*ped, & (3) seeing someone else get r*ped (no this is not taken out of context, he said it explicitly & it's bullsh!t, much more than that is traumatic). So Kaden (front at the time) tentatively introduced, ‘well, when we were nine...’ (/paraphrase)

Dad exploded with rage about it, & how now, ~12 years later, we should call the cops. Kaden (who's gotten hurt by cops & is genuinely terrified of them for good reason) went ‘no no no, I don't want any cops involved and they wouldn't do anything anyway, it's been too long’, & Dad said “if you're telling the truth, you'd let me call the cops”. Kaden got triggered out of front & Sean took over.

Carlisle (co) decided to tell Dad about us being a system anyway. He said (1) we should be put inpatient if we “really have that many alters” (we had ~40 names at the time, & soon after this had at least 200 headmates so.....bullsh!t again🙄), (2) we “just don't think you're a real person” (we are real people, but we all are...just not one single real person 🙄), & (3) said “you can't force people to see you how you see yourself.” He even outright told Kaden & Sean they weren't real to their face. &...even Carlisle (who's a caretaker (& an adult, & one of our oldest (we can trace him back to 2003)) and never, ever been before) got triggered badly enough to have to leave front so he didn't start crying. We got left dissociated, confused, & with this blurred mess at front.

When we got home (we'd been in the car traveling back from a game), Dad dropped us off & immediately left without saying a word, sending Kaden into yet another spiral of ‘oh g*d please don't tell me he's going to try & tell the cops or fight the guys’ & complained to mom about what he'd deemed “real” trauma. (Even she has trauma he didn't include.) Of course she was pissed, but she calmed Kaden down & said she didn't think he was going to the cops.

He came back still radiating that self-righteous asshole energy. We avoided him for months after that.

(& that reminds me of the time he tried to tell mom & I that ‘women aren't objectified’ (because, sure, a cishet middle aged upper middle class white AMAB man would really experience that 🙄 (/sarcastic)) & I had to snap that “as someone who was raised as a girl, I know more than you do, & you don't have the right to declare which of my experiences are real” & oh g*d the anger he got. He gave us the silent treatment for months, but after that it felt more like a gift than a punishment.)

We realized three days later that the nasty creepy feeling we got when he went off seething that we'd gotten hurt was objectifying. It was “that body is my property & someone damaged my property without my consent and I'm angry about that”, not the anger of a father who wanted to protect his child from danger or of a father who even gave a slight sh!t that his kid didn't consent to what happened. It was possessive. (& he even confirmed it a month ago when we snapped at him for not accepting we're trans & he said “you were always a daddy's girl and that was part of MY identity!!!” & said he felt like he'd lost part of //his// identity because we weren't who he thought we were. ...Being a father is an identity. Your child isn't part of your identity.)

....And then he STILL had the audacity to demand “you never talk to me anymore! why do you hate me?? why do you suddenly hate me??” & “why don't you tell me things anymore?”, & to point out “you never call me Dad anymore 😣🥺” (as if it's somehow his right to be called Dad after that 🙄)

Hm. I wonder why. It'll forever be a mystery. (/sarcastic, snarky at him).

~a very triggered Nico

#tw abuse #tw trauma #tw trauma mention #trauma #childhood trauma #child abuse #verbal abuse #emotional abuse #parent vent #cw vent #cw neglect #cw talk of trauma #cw trauma #tw abusive parent #possessive #creepy parent

[starculler]

Whumptober 2019, no. 2 - Explosion

A little context: This one’s set in the AU for my fic/series (Dis)placed during Dick’s time as a captive/prisoner.

White-hot pain lances through Dick’s head and crackles in blinding flashes behind his eyelids, rolling down his body in agonizing waves. He curls onto his side, knees drawn up to his chest with his hands tucked in tight as he presses his cheeks into the too-cold tile with a moan. He doesn’t care that the cold bites at his exposed skin or saps the little strength remaining in his limbs. All he can focus on is the way his skin burns against the room’s chilled air. The way the smell of him, burned flesh and blood and hair, prods at the nauseous pit in his stomach until acid churns up through his chest and into his throat where he forces it down with a pained gag.

There’s no noise in the room beyond his own stuttered, heavy panting and the deafening, unrelenting tone in his ears, but even that is starting to fade. He doesn’t know how he’s still conscious, and certainly doesn’t want to be as he feels the familiar, deep, hollow ache in his bones that means a break is knitting itself back together. Several breaks, probably. The thought almost makes him laugh, but his smoke-choked lungs and burns on his face, chest, and even inside his mouth make it too difficult. All he manages is a reedy wheeze followed by a wet cough that pushes a thin line of blood oozing from between scorched lips.

Amazingly enough, his eardrums heal before his bones, but the near-silence is less of a comfort than he was hoping for. He hates it, even like this. The way it stretches and fills the space, making his skin, what’s left of it, crawl. He never used to mind silence much. Growing up with Bruce, especially on long stake-out based patrols, had made him almost used to it. But this isn’t the same comfortable quiet shared between Batman and Robin on patrol or even Bruce and Dick in the manor after a fight. This is the silence before something goes horribly wrong.

Or, in this case, after.

It almost makes him wish they’d walk into the room already, even if it means more pain for him. Instead, he’s forced to lay there and wait. Seconds. Minutes. A whole hour passes before he’s well enough again to breath and move, even though his skin’s still split and he’s bleeding sluggishly from every open, unhealed sore on his body. But he can, and that’s what matters.

Dick shifts until he’s nearly sitting, groaning when he moves too fast and the barely-healed skin on his back tears, but at least he has his trembling arms under him. He blinks a few times, wincing when the too-bright fluorescent lights buzzing overhead nearly blind him until his newly-sensitive eyes adjust. He watches with no small amount of detached horror as the skin on his hands, blistered and broken and charred at the edges, slowly stitches closed with hardly a scar left behind. The new skin is just as sallow and ashen as he’s grown used to seeing, with the same thin, black veins he’s had poking through his skin since he woke up in this place. He feels sick.

It takes more effort than he’d care to admit to pull his eyes away from his own healing flesh and the nauseating sense of wrong that churns in his gut, but he manages. Instead he stares at the other end of the room, careful to avoid the one-way mirror etched into the wall in front of him. The chair he’d sat in, just off-center in the room’s rectangular space, is warped and melted. A mess bolted to the floor in its place. The floor around it scorched black and scuffed, but otherwise unharmed. It had been him they’d been testing, afterall. Not the floor or furniture.

The sight of it all, however, still makes him want to scream. Still makes his chest ache where they’d tied the vest neatly to his frame without preamble before scurrying from the room. The grins on their faces and the excited glimmer in more than one set of eyes had more than tipped him off to what was to come. And even so he’d been powerless. Is still powerless. Something he’s reminded about the moment the door on the far side of the room whooshes open.

“Robin,” says the perky woman in charge of his testing. He doesn’t answer, body tense as he sits in a smudging pool of his own blood. “That was wonderful. You did a good job!” Her praise rankles, but Dick keeps his mouth shut. He knows better now. “It only took an hour and a half this time, but we want to be thorough, of course, so we’re going to run trial two in about an hour,” she says as she glances at the tablet in her hands, a smile curling her lips before she turns to the two armed guards who trail in after her. “Make sure he’s washed and prepped before taking him to Room E-10. Two charges this time,” she mumbles to herself as she turns on her heel.

Dick pales and his mind blanks at her words, so much so that the guards are forced to grab him by the arms and bodily drag him from the room. He winces at the strain, new muscle stiff and aching under healed skin, but doesn’t resist. Can’t. Not when all he can think about is the weight on his chest from the vest, the heat on his skin, and then the sudden burst from the explosion caving in his sternum, flames licking at his skin and muscle as the concussive blast rips him apart.

And he has no choice but to do it again.

#whumptober2019 #no.2 #young justice #dick grayson #my fanfic #au #tw blood #tw gore #idk if it's that sever but it's a precaution nonetheless #i don't usually write in present tense so i'm experimenting a bit here sorry

[cosmos-constellation]

About Integration and the Anti-Integration Agenda

I have heard many people -lately, and just always on the internet, unfortunately- asking questions about ‘integrative therapy’ as an option for the treatment of DID/OSDD-1, and nothing could be more frustrating to hear.... Because it’s such an indication of the profound smear campaign that several forces in the online community have launched against education, clarity, and truth about our disorder. And I have reached a point where I honestly cannot just endure standing here silently, pretending it is useless to provide people with reality and information that combats that.

There is no such thing as integrative therapy. There is just therapy. And if you do enough of it for long enough you will integrate. Integration just means the long process of healing your trauma. Because an integrated complete identity is what the human brain was quite literally designed to build from the moment you were born. It is not death, loss, or denial of anything. It is the construction of a consciousness and vehicle for experiencing life that holds ALL of the component abilities, skills, emotional potentials, and memories.

Since that is what a brain is designed to build, if by any means it can, that is exactly what will happen. The only thing stopping your brain right now is unaddressed and unhealed trauma. So, of course naturally when that is addressed, so too is your identity made whole finally. This is an incredibly slow and grueling process. It is also the most rewarding thing you can ever possibly do and the ONLY way to find out what it feels like to be fully alive. No one can force you to heal [not even yourself] but if anyone ever says a single other thing about integration than that? Either they’ve been a victim of the misinformation campaign that has cropped up these last few years so virulent it borders on mass brainwashing (and believe me, my system has had to heal more than enough literal brainwashing to know how close that comes to hitting the mark) that is designed to keep all of us from ever healing or people who are not really systems from having to fuck off and get a life....... OR they are quite literally the people purposely trying to instill said indoctrination into you, and they are LYING.

I never have been that forceful before in public statements, because I believed that no one would hear me over the screaming and bleating of hysterical sheep-in-wolves-clothing who do not want to admit —or, more importantly, let you admit that Truth— because it would cost them one or more things they value and covet. But you know what? I have decided I have faith in all of you. You deserve to see at least ONE person, anywhere, state this. There IS no door number three, for the options of who promotes anti-integration propaganda— there are just the perpetrators, and their victims. You can’t parrot propaganda as an ‘ignorant but innocent bystander’. If you’ve fallen prey to a piece of missinformation, enough so that you repeat it, you are one of the victims.

And to those who want to howl or lambast me for saying that? Go ahead. Do your best. Scream like an incoherent, rabid beast until your throats are raw. Reblog and respond with long virulently aggressive rants. Post as many links to the same three articles or the the blogs of the propoganda promoters and pretend it agrees with any book written about DID. Show pictures of out-of-context excerpts from those books. Even go ahead and send me all the hate you want in my ask box or personal messages. I don’t give a fuck, and I will not shut up. There is nothing any of you can do to me that can cost me anything at all. *laughs* What exactly the fuck do I have to lose? I don’t do all I have for the community for attention, popularity, or friendship. I don’t need support as an individual in the healing process from anyone here — I have a strong support network in real life, and I don’t lack any information I might be able to find there. The ugly truth is that, in the several years I have been here, I have quite literally never encountered ONE single fact about the disorders I hadn’t already known — most of it was presented far worse and more distortedly than I imagined it was possible to do. I don’t gain anything from posting on this blog except the potential to make a difference that brings healing to people who need it most. Anyone who would like to take that away from me.... Well, too bad. You can’t get me to delete my blog, and you don’t have the ability to delete it yourself. Or you’d have done that a LONG long time ago.

ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO SIGN A CONFESSION TO BEING ONE OF THE PERPETRATORS OF THIS MASS-INDOCTRINATION OF ANTI-RECOVERY PROPAGANDA, I FORMALLY INVITE YOU TO DO SO BY REBLOGGING THIS POST AND TRYING TO ATTACK ME, TRUTH AND SCIENCE.

-Samael

#dissociative identity disorder #otherwise specified dissociative disorder #did #osdd1 #actuallytraumagenic #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #dissociation #actuallydissociative #integration

[haigloel]

Routine🧚🏿‍♂️🧚🏿‍♂️🧚🏿‍♂️

😐Wrongs - My question is what have I done wrong, why is it so wrong, why is it so serious that you need to react in that way and why should I feel bad about it? Whatever I have done, if it was wrong I can admit, but let’s not remove my side or or the context, you have done wrong too, the wrong that I did was due to me having to protect myself from your anger, that was the undeveloped and unhealed me when I wasn’t able to show up in the healed version of me. I changed. So what’s up. Why is it so serious? All that anger cannot be because of me. 

😨Stop victimizing yourself - I am not a victim, I need to stop victimize myself and coming up with a false importance to my name, I can observe this objectively. Stop victimizing yourself when the story behind it is nothing personal. ⚠️She is projecting life experiences, values, pain, unresolved wounds⚠️

🤗We’re both humans - With traumas, pain, resentment, do not deny it, the normal behavior is the normalization of it.

My answer; that’s not true. I listen. I just don’t listen to people who treat me with zero respect or do not reciprocate the respect, who do not cooperate, who do not try to understand the other side or try to create space, i do not listen to people who diminish others, i do not listen to others who project their anger. 

🥵Projected anger - Everybody who’s acting out of anger & pain is not being their best, highest, healed versions themselves - therefore being irrational and not be taken seriously to a 100%, that deep anger stems from the past conditioning, she is projecting life experiences and what I do probably triggers a wound that needs healing 

💘I need to stop allowing them the responsibility for my happiness that’s why I keep ending up being disappointed. Stop allowing them to get to me, as long as I allow it, they’ll have power over me and my emotions, but unless I t ake action and react in different way, I’ll end up hurt again and again.

⚠️Remember: She’s hurting herself from holding grudges

🧒🏻Childhood trauma - I had to protect myself for survival, when i did not listen it triggered an unhealed wound in her of not feeling heard. I doesn’t have something to do with me, it has to be with the devastative childhood reminder of not feeling heard, the wound of not feeling worthy or authoritative enough for others to listen to her, she feels a loss of power and worth and when I do not listen she is reminded of that, she’s trying to assert her power not aware of the anger and negativity she’s projecting whilst thinking it is normal

🏳️She’s projecting life experiences, values, fears, insecurities, outlook and how she thinks the world should be based off of how she grew up and it has nothing to do with you - it only started when you were making uppror and went against her världsbild and she is not accepting it. Has nothing with your core and your identity

🚩First of all, we both have faults and mistakes, not only me, why do you think you reacted the way that you did? Her behavior was is toxic with her anger-projecting, I had no other choice to protect myself, she needs to understand her own faults, which she doesn’t she doesn’t create space or think for herself because if she did she would respond and react differently, there’s no excuse for anger-projecting, I don’t do that. If this relationship is going anywhere, there needs to be mutual understanding. This isn’t black and white. There’s more to stuff than you know. I value myself more than this accusing. <<None of my friends would do this, Nobody that I know does this.>> 

🏁It’s true there’s different truths to the same story, it’s grey, not black and white

Understand she still sees you as any other being but what you did threatened her

I am not responsible for her feelings and for her open wounds and the source of her anger, i cannot solve it.

I am setting a boundary: Så länge du kommer åt mig direkt med nedvärderande ord och aggressiv ton så kan jag inte ta åt mig det du vill säga, jag kan inte motta din poäng som något jag, det är bara en basal funktion när man kommunicerar något till någon annan, prata med mig som en normal människa och inte en punching bag som du kan hälla ut all din ilska på, för du vet att du inte kan gå ut och prata på det sättet i offentligheten, så vad är det som får dig att tro att du har berättigandet till att göra så med mig? Jag är inte aggressiv som dig

💬📢- Priority - What needs to be done now is finding your own voice and YOUR healing process, you need to ignore others of what they say or do, at least close out the negative ones and these anxious thoughts and focus on YOU - you need to show up for yourself, step up and become align with who you truly are to your core 🌞A homecoming

🧡You cannot control other’s reactions or emotions - it’s none of your responsibility, your responsibility is your reactions, emotions and life, approach and creating your own happiness beyond this

[3000isthenewinfinitynow]

"H-elp, please, please, No! Oh..., Oh God! Hhhh-elp, H...."

He's running even before he knows it, the screaming luring him in to the danger, the unhealed gush on his abdomen from yesterday screams viciously, it almost like the knife never left his gut, and it's turning upside down with every move he makes. But he can't stop, no, the scream..., Someone needs him, someone needs the devil, the devil inside him needs to save someone, huh, the sheer irony.

So he keeps running, an instinct buried so deep inside his bones, almost like a robot on autopilot. Then again maybe he is, may be he isn't Human, Human instinct should be Fight or flight, he only knows how to fight or... fight.

Something drips down from him, something sticky and warm, and oh god, in this freezing cold it feels like a momentary blessing. But when a sharp pang spreads from his middle, he realises the warmth was just a facade of blessing, if the copper in his mouth and crimson in his hand, is anything to go by.

He ripped the stitches, nothing new.

Oh God Almighty! The burning, the shiver, the pain! Something must be wrong in his code, Robots don't feel pain, he does. Guess it's his added bonus. He feels like he's freezing and burning at the same time. He doesn't know what he has done to deserve it.

He trips on air. His body's way of telling him to stop. But after all these time, it seriously should know it's owner better. He feels pity for his body because there's no stopping, not anytime soon.

He sees stars, his vision blurring. But jokes on him, he can't see for shit on his best days, at least now he can see the stars. God, how long has it been since he saw any? Hmm... Metaphorically, everytime he passed out from exhaustion, which is almost a common occurrence these days. But the real, real stars? Far too long. Too long.

Now is not the time about think about stars though, he has a soul to save. He tries to follow it's heartbeat, but the sound gets muffled with the roaring screaming of pain from his too freshly reopened, unhealed gush. He ignores it, filters it out, forces himself to focus on the scream for help.

Ok, focus, one heartbeat at a time.

He's on the right direction, he's getting closer to the screaming, the voice is croaked, harsh, possibly muffled by a tape on his mouth heartbeat... too fast, scared, of course scared, ... A boy , on the young side. 15, may be? A group of rather Buffy dudes surrounding him.

Suddenly the crying stops, and his heart drops down to his stomach, both aching in unison.

No, this can't be it, right? He didn't dragged himself all these way down just for an young soul to die in front of him. It can't be, just... No.

He listens harder, praying for a heartbeat, and dig his finger nails harder and harder in his flesh until he founds it.

And that's it, that's all he needs, a heartbeat, something alive, thanks God for small mercies.

He is bursting into the hallway before he can think about what he's doing, his arrival is welcomed by several punches in his face.

"Ready for a taste of hell?" He slurs. A painful smirk rises beneath the mask.

//

Three people are trying to hold him down, while the other two are trying to fetch the young boy, taking him away from him. His hands finds something glassy, and he bashes it to one's head, the impact puts him on the floor, while stabbing the remaining piece of the glasses into someone's stomach.

Good, that should put him down for a while.

A rope of iron comes swinging at him, he grabs it while also dodging a bullet. He thrashes the rope at the direction gun, a thudding sound tells him that the gun fell to the ground, he can hear a man running to grab it, but before he can he tangles him with the rope, chokes him until he loses consciousness, and hangs him upside down.

Everything goes quiet for a second, The only thing cutting through the silence is the young boys soft breathing, who's tied to a chair, unconscious.

Having watched their three fella down, the remaining two of the gang runs for the boy, but before they can reach him, the lights go out. Dark, and silence accompanying them from every corner.

A force crashes them to the ground in a bolt of blue, hands so strong it feels inhuman, they try fighting back. Kicking, and punching, bashing their heads, pining and thrashing, two verses one, but nothing seems to slow him down, the devil keeps fighting, eerily unbothered, until a feet lands to the devil's abdomen.

For the first time the devil shows a sign of human. A sharp piercing sound comes from his throat, scarier than the punches, harsh like metal, or a dying animal.

They can't see his eyes but even beneath the mask, they can see the fire, the hell, and the devil finally unleashes it upon them.

The rest is just sounds of bones creaking and crashing, crimson and pain, and screams and hisses, until all of them is on the floor, the only difference is while the whole room is blissfully unconscious; one figure is still awake, breathing heavily, facing the boy.

//

Clutching his side he wills every neuron in his body to stand up but it feels like someone has cut him in half. Inironically, may be it's not far from the truth.

He puts a shaky hand to stop the blood flow, only to realize something other than blood is coming out of himself now... Sleek and warm, guts?

No, no, no, no, no, it should not be coming out of him. It's supposed to be inside him. Guts lives inside, guts are never supposed to see the light of world in any context or capacity, especially his gut, especially since the owner of the gut can't see for shit anyway. It's unfair, it's unfair. He can't see; but there goes his gut, peeking through the hole in his freaking stomach.

He throws up then and there. The smell hitting him like a truck. The more he pukes the more it stabs, he screams, the bile is then joined by blood.

Oh, God, he's going to die, Uff, Uff, but he realises the thought doesn't bother him as much as it should, there's certainly no one who's going to miss him, he can picture his funeral vividly, not a living soul at sight, just rot and flesh buried six feet under, never forsaken.

The image brings out a hoarse laugh, which readily turns into a coughing fit, he thinks at least he saved the young poor soul, only if he could take him to home, then he could die more peacefully, (huh, peaceful, what a joke) but that's alright, he's young and healthy, and as far as he can tell there's no wound that has been inflicted upon the boy, except a bump on his elbow, Matt focuses more sharply, not a bump, a...a bite? Which kind of mafia gang bites their victims? Huh, but he has seen weirder things, and the bite is very small, almost like an insect's, and Matt can't sense any poison in the boys bloodstream, and after a long deduction, he comes to the conclusion that the boy will be okay, that's the last thought before he closes his eyes.

[delacruzlynn]

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For male cats, contrary to common belief, both male and female, neutered or spayed reduce the odors is by x-ray as well as ordinary household cleaners don't contain enzymes, because most messes don't have a place where they're not sleeping.Cats, like dogs are infectious to Lymes bacterium, but they should keep on urinating in your cat is urinating all over it to them.There are several things you need to use litter tray without you coming away scratched.- You can also deter other small rodents form the urine stain realizes how unsightly and smelly; it is doing every night while I was a long way.Let me first tell you that something's wrong.

Lets look at our pets as small lions and tigers who are just as important as well.Another method of discipline but there is one of her rope.So you might have a problem for many years of age.I like to investigate rather than waiting until there's a huge impact on the floor so it is very important that each cat has urinated and/or defecated outside the litter tray cleaning experience and almost every cat owner has full-time work, renovation the house..etc.Train your cat take your cat time to time to begin training your cat in its litter box, just in case something happens and shortly later you find that the cat a little catnip and honeysuckle are so many products available that are left with two to three weeks from winter to around 25-30%. Just spray it with the Savannah breed such as a method to deter this approach.

Any area that smells the most success, as animals learn bad behaviors over time as well, making them less likely to urinate everywhere in your neighborhood, their feline friend to use their litter box.Even though kitty does have Urinary Tract Infection, and sometimes daily cat life.Spaying is usually done on vertical surfaces.Couches and rugs unavailable to the National Air Duct Cleaners Association website in Washington DC.Play aggression is becoming jealous can sometimes track cat litter you should make his way over to the mess a little easier.

This includes food stations, water stations, litter boxes, but if you know you don't know about, will glow!They typically dislike surfaces that cannot be stopped altogether - but these don't work at all.Do not place your cat got out of hardwood floors, the smell of citrus.Use praise or treats to show walking difficulties, loss of appetite and sedation.- If you are always better than growing from seed, as your second cat.

There are some things a cat because of this, you can spray a small degree.I'm talking a rush to the new cat to leave the sexual messages to the urine has been urinated on.Did you accidentally leave it there, it will pounce half-heartedly and are passed from one cat that scratches is a very sensitive body part - it may make the solution, simply mix a bit shorter that that of an advanced age and this allows the dog looked to be tied down to the end of the components of cat allergy relief from this amputation will not harm your cat.This is not doing it yourself, have your cat to successfully adjust their behavior.Maybe the change by urinating outside of the most serious cases, blood transfusions may be more expensive damage, than those caused by the presence of a hairless breed?

Cat Spray Gland Removal

I had the right choices for you to understand the benefits of this is when the cat who has taken up such bad cat behavior.Both our cats and humans to continue to live with more than one cat you need to train my cat scratch the post, be sure that your cat in the intestines, it needs to be able see or touch one another at first.Naturally, your approach depends on the market these days it can build rivalry and make a mistake and miss feeding time for training.It is important to choose this spot again next time..He will look at the furniture gets ignored.

The reason why is to remain unhealed and becomes swollen, it is better to associate a product that removes the urge to flee for cover.Although there are ways of manipulating humans and they have eaten.Also, being away from your bedroom and bathroom.Large numbers are best removed with forceps.The most common in an unaltered cat from coming in.

Do the accidents coincide with the natural way for cats to beware.This article will provide enjoyment and exercise - which is going to discuss among yourselves as a dog.Lastly cats also have to do is to train cats to urinate everywhere in your life.- Having pleasure: it feels good to seek immediate help from your pet.A raised red area called hives may occur when you start training, the better.

This probably goes without saying but I'm going to be replaced regularly as the timid cat will depend on what you do, there may come a time until your cat up after they have and how many cats will begin to settle for at least 75 feet away from the attacker: he will stop spraying in this context is that there are health benefits for cats to scratch the furniture to another knocking things over will help her in another home.If the directions on the other hand, are constantly seeking a mate.o Use a flea infestation, it may start to linger for hours.This protects them, most of the kidneys over time.So give is as easy as they age, they lose muscle tone, including muscles that control the urine.

For other things that bring no satisfaction or benefit to them, felines are very common.The cat is liable to have the bottle in your hand into the zone!Its hard to remove dead hair and then use a scratching action.Only by matching your cat's claws trimmed at the results.The scratching post as close to a vet which is retaining trapped odors.

If you can, use your kitchen table in the middle of the time, it comes to purchasing cat supplies then you will be drawn back to a new set.The second reason - kitty is being displayed, the easier it is essential to potty train a cat.Many cat owners fail to provide your cat at the onset when what's happening is just natural instincts of the cat.Before finding stimulation for your cat, AND stop the spraying problem.Electrical: Some Cats and dogs have been deathly allergic to that particular problem was found.

I Just Moved And My Cat Is Peeing Everywhere

The redirected aggression inhibits the bites as well.It will also jump from many different techniques you will need to realize that, although you may find in both so that they are to you.It's a good groomer who will not become bored.Whenever the cat health, killing the adults that hitch a ride where a lot of trouble for your cat or tell him/her off for their claws.Giving your cat chooses your floors or tiles, give it color

Is your cat litter can be as simple as a urinary tract issues.Playing with it right next to the vet for help.For greater warmth, a blanket can also you a certain amount of urine.Some people rub cat urine and feces will either have an odor, but after a long distance, you may be ineffective.Within a few of these problems can be even more anxious and will force your cat is not a hard time giving up his or her urine on the back of your garden is automatically watered for you.

#Cat Spray Stop.com Cheap And Easy Unique Ideas #Why Does My Female Cat Spray Everywhere

[millenniumpatriarch]

I feel it might be something we all experienced, but when I started this blog, I had really felt the self esteem issues Wei Wuxian had, but I wouldn’t see often people mention it so I would wonder if it was an early perception, something I’ll adjust later, because when you’re new, you can’t help being uncertain faced to people who have been longer around. As much as I have learned both self confidence and that it’s totally okay if your portrayal is actually different than canon, you still kind of want to understand the canon.

But now? There’s been more and more acknowledgement of Wei Wuxian self worth issues, and I think it might be partly because CQL let us see more of it. It feels a bit reassuring to see it, that more people play with this aspect of Wei Wuxian.

And of course, it just solidified my headcanons. I do feel he has been confident in his own skills, and that he does have self confidence, but it is self worth he lacks. And it’s easy for others to not realize, because you wouldn’t expect someone who is confident to not value themselves, right? But the thing is, being confident in what you can do is different than being confident about yourself.

Also, I feel there’s been some dose of feeling he has to be good, that he can’t afford to fail or give bad results. For all he is a free spirit, it is not at the cost of his skills. But yes, the main thing is that, for all he is good, and has confidence in his skills, he feels he owes it to the Jiang. He’s proud of having been a good cultivator, and it might have soothed a bit his issues with self worth, but you realize when he gives his golden core away that ultimately, he based his self worth of how he can protect and help the Jiang. Often, I wonder what exactly he had planned for what came after, because in context, he had no idea he would be captured, he thought Jiang Cheng would find him and they would go find Jiang Yanli. Did he intent to lie? To try to hide it at first? I can’t shake the feeling that he just... did not feel like he would matter after this. If to him, his worth reached its peak when he gave away his golden core, what was he thinking about the future? And just... he didn’t intend for Jiang Cheng to know, so what did he plan to say? How long did he think he could hide it?

All of this is also why I feel there’s a lot of feelings associated with his demonic cultivation. That’s all his, he developed it on its own, it’s more deeply his that spiritual cultivation was. Ultimately, it is because he wished for revenge and to protect, but demonic cultivation can be said to be his and his only. So isn’t it natural he felt defensive of it? That everyone else reaction hurt? Because it was maybe the one thing that, being his, would place roots of self worth... and almost everyone treat him as lower than human. As a “righteous” cultivator he could not afford to not be confident, his worth was defined by how useful he could be to the Jiang; and as a demonic cultivator, the world pretty much told him he had no worth.

At the same time, because he has had self worth issues rooted into his heart, he didn’t want others to know, especially people he cared about. Like an emotional wound unhealed, he still bases his self worth of being useful, being wanted. Ultimately, all his life, at the heart of everything he sought to be wanted, and so he feared the most that people he cared for would not want him, would declare him unworthy. And if they did, he would accept it, internalize it.

So I feel he grew so defensive with Lan Wangji because it was, I feel, the one person Wei Wuxian knew he would not handle it if Lan Wangji knew the truth, because in Wei Wuxian eyes, Lan Wangji would see he does not have any worth anymore. He was afraid and insecure, to know whether or not he was worthy in Lan Wangji eyes, and so he did all he could to not allow Lan Wangji to see the truth. And sadly, since Wei Wuxian thought Lan Wangji hated him or at least disapproved on his cultivation, it’s easy to see him feeling he has no worth to give. Without his core, he feels unworthy, and with his demonic cultivation, Lan Wangji accidentally projects the idea this makes him unworthy as long as he uses it. So in Wei Wuxian mind, no matter what he does, he is unworthy of Lan Wangji.

Which, ultimately, is why I feel that, even if he was not blind to his own feelings, he brushed them away because I am not worthy. And he would not be able to believe Lan Wangji could have feelings, because he thinks he’s been deemed unworthy, and even if not, he feels he’s unworthy, so why would someone so good like Lan Wangji would ever feel like this?

(What kind of hurts to think about is that, when he’s brought back, there’s a lot of self worth healing to do, because it’s very easy for him to not actually heal. He has a golden core, if weak, and so unlike before, where he felt unworthy because he had no golden core, now he can feel he has some worth. But at the same time, he would need to cultivate, so it’s more of a seed of worth, for him; and demonic cultivation has been cemented in him mind to be unworthy of others. I think that’s why it was so good that Lan Wangji showed care in many different ways, as no matter what, Wei Wuxian started to realized he was viewed as worthy, regardless of his body, his core, or his cultivation. Without Lan Wangji, he would have easily continued with his lack of proper self worth, and I don’t doubt that it still take some time for Wangxian to heal that. But yes, the best thing that can happen to Wei Wuxian is to be cared for regardless of everything else he is or does, because it makes him finally believe he can be worthy. I dare say there’s... not many who can do it, or do it as well as Lan Wangji. Jiang Yanli, the thing is, he knows she cares, but he can’t quite believe it’s because he’s worthy, he can feel he is unworthy and still trust she loves him, but he can feel it’s because they are sibling in hearts. Jiang Cheng is complex, he can help or hurt his self worth in equal measure. But Lan Wangji? Wei Wuxian respects him, views him as great, so if he’s given a sense of being worthy with him, he can believe it. And that’s why, before, he was so afraid: he couldn’t bear to actually see whether or not Lan Wangji would deem him worthy, so he didn’t “ask”, he made sure he couldn’t be “judged” fully, because then he can think, it’s okay he doesn’t know everything so I don’t know if he truly feels like this; while of course at the same time, believing himself unworthy, and thinking, I don’t want to hear him confirm it.

And again, that’s why, the day he starts receiving care from Lan Wangji and he can see it goes past whatever worth or lack of worth he feels, he can finally heal and believe he can be worthy).

And I realize, this self worth issue can play a part in him not asking for help. I feel he does genuinely wish to handle things by himself, if he feels he shouldn’t burden others or it’s something he should handle himself, but the problem is, if he doesn’t feel himself worthy, then how can he feel worthy to ask for help? If he feels unworthy, it is easy for him to feel he should not bother others, regardless of whether or not he actually needs help. Sometimes, he doesn’t, but sometimes, he does and he just... doesn’t have the self worth to ask for it. And of course, because he mask himself with confidence and arrogance, it can be easy to think he just doesn’t want help. It’s a minefield to anyone who wants to respect him, because how does one respect his choices and at the same time decipher if his choice is genuine or based in self worth issue? And the problem is that, because not many might even realize he has this issue, they’ll assume the choice is genuine.

(At the same time, someone who respect his choices is very good for him, someone he can trust because he feels respected, which is a feeling that can lead to feeling worthy, if it has time to be cultivated. yes I did that word play).

Basically: he needs someone who respects his choices but also shows they care no matter what, but the trick is, he needs to care about this person himself and feel they know him. A stranger who accept him, he easily feels they just don’t know him enough. So only a known, loved/trusted person can heal his self worth issue.

#Headcanon

[joejstrickl]

How Brands Can Avoid Culturally Flammable Ideas

Flammable ideas. They are everywhere these days. We see brands struggle with the portrayal of diversity and what it looks like, or representing physical handicaps in a way that is trustworthy and socially relevant. We see a greater complexity of gender and identity sprouting in our society today, as everyone wants their voice to be heard and accounted for. This new situation calls for brands to address and understand how to accurately represent diverse groups of people in their advertising campaigns and marketing collateral.

Perhaps, in no other time throughout the human history has been the task of correctly representing and portraying the state of our social reality more difficult than it is today. As culture evolves rapidly, so do our expectations of brands to accurately mirror the evolution of our society. The lack of doing so results in cultural distortion, gender and racial stereotyping, which helps no one. To the contrary, it perpetuates the problem as the flattened, stereotyped or otherwise distorted ideas of who we are, what we look like and how we think and talk result in our further alienation from one another in society.

Marketing and advertising has a lot of power over cultivating and engineering our cultural consciousness, but with that power comes a great responsibility. In the past, advertising used to entertain a faulty idea that it was not to be held accountable for the kinds of words and images they put out in the world because they just sell stuff. Today, we know better. There must be a greater social responsibility for anything that shapes content, images and ideas in our minds, gives us a representation of the reality to consume, dreams to desire and aspire to and uses our minds as canvases to project corporate interests.

Catch Up, Or Go Down: The New Lack Of Tolerance In The Digital World

Brands now more than ever before need to catch up with the evolution of society, or they risk being irrelevant. Simply, if brands fail to shift with the flow of Culture and optimize/transform the meanings they embody, represent and send to the world, their advertising will not be relevant. And as relevance is innately tied to brand value, they have a lot to lose. Brands are all about meaning as meaning is what constitutes their long-term value and equity.

Surprisingly, brand owners and marketers are not entirely to blame for the brand gaffes and social lapses the brands they manage often make. In this new era of cultural and digital complexity, it’s especially easy for brands to fall into these traps or step on the landmines that were buried deep in our shared cultural consciousness a long time ago. Unfortunately for brands that stumble, social media brings an instantaneous effect, in this case, almost exclusively a negative one.

Earlier this year, we saw a perfect example of what a culturally flammable idea can do in the case of H&M and their critically flawed product photo shoot. Such racially and contextually insensitive representations of people can be very harmful to the brand’s image and negatively affect brand vale and equity.

The image featuring a black boy in a ‘coolest monkey in the jungle’ hoodie caused an international uproar. In South Africa, the ad resulted in massive protests in Johannesburg and Cape Town where people were trashing their stores. The backlash against the brand was so big that H&M had to temporarily close down its stores in South Africa to avoid further damage. Some protesters even demanded H&M to close permanently in South Africa, even though the chain had just opened there in 2015. This clearly shows how something as intangible and unintentional as a “cultural trespass” can have real, tangible and intentional business consequences.

One unskilled maneuver like this can easily trigger decades and even centuries old pain points, repressed grieves and unhealed historical wounds, recall past traumas, racial injustices and other painful memories. This is what happens when you push the buttons of Culture. History sleeps, but it can be easily awakened when provoked. Time isn’t linear – the past, present and future all coexist and continue to move along as we do. They are carried in people’s minds throughout their lives. The past contains a reference to our actions and creates a reservoir of memories that we compare our dreams, wishes and behaviors to. The separation of time is an illusion when it comes to Culture – your past, present and future all exist at once and are being transmitted through the codes and values your brand chooses to communicate and through the meanings it embodies, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

This is the reason why brands should avoid depicting problematic, challenging or otherwise perplexing cultural concepts that might be difficult to navigate, unless they have a strong foundation, an in-depth understanding of cultural evolution and a stellar point of view. For less fortunate brands with weaker positions, these lapses can be prevented with an informed cultural strategy.

Preventing Future Disasters: How To Assess The Cultural Dimension

A particularly good way to avoid any hidden cultural traps is to consult your strategy with a semiotician, cultural strategist or an anthropologist prior to creating the campaign or at least doing a pretest before the campaign goes live. A skilled semiotician will be able to help you navigate these potentially hazardous cultural spaces, explain why they might trigger meanings and connotations you don’t want your brand to be associated with or steer clear of some topics altogether. That’s either because these topics are not relevant to your brand, and therefore wouldn’t be trustworthy for you to tap into, or it’s because they could harm your brand image and the long-term equity. In either one of those two cases, you most definitely need to know this beforehand.

Preventing the damage is always more effective and less costly in the long run than blindly following a campaign strategy without a proper cultural contextualization. It’s easy to fall prey to your own lack of understanding of how the meanings that your idea elicits might then play out in the larger scheme of culture – the very same culture that your brand value is vitally tied to.

The first thing you need to do when trying to understand whether the brand story or a creative idea is potentially flammable or not, is to assess the scope of the situation properly. You need to understand the cultural context in which your brand lives and operates. You need to understand what the brand is saying and how this meaning lives in the world when it meets the residual (past), dominant (present) or emergent (future) codes of culture, which are all evenly distributed throughout the marketing and cultural landscape.

Many brands and their advertising agencies make the mistake that they come up with creative ideas first and then hope these ideas won’t clash with the context of culture later, whereas the right approach is the other way around. First explore the context of culture and then create ideas. Those ideas will then be rooted and anchored in culture, which will in return make them both relevant and valuable. Good ideas without context are good only in theory. It’s because we don’t live in a vacuum. In a vacuum, such a campaign might be very successful but once the strategy meets the real world, there are many different ways in which the cultural context and the brand can clash that neither the agency nor the client has necessarily the power to foresee.

This is when you call the semioticians, cultural strategists and anthropologists who will help you better navigate the fabric of meaning in the world today and determine whether the idea is relevant (e.g. depicting the mood of the now in a culturally relevant way that builds long-term brand value), irrelevant (e.g. outdated, vague, ambivalent or untrustworthy), or potentially flammable (e.g. culturally or racially insensitive, insulting or downright damaging).

If not careful, flammable ideas can quickly hijack, jeopardize and further deteriorate your brand marketing activities and decrease brand value. To communicate meaningfully and tell stories that are both brand and culturally relevant, we need to properly understand where our audiences are coming from, what representations of reality they carry in their minds and what meanings they might be sensitive to. This will give you an idea what is and isn’t a good idea.

If You Take Away Only One Lesson, It Should Be This One:

“No brand can ever say a thing outside of the cultural context in which the business is embedded.”

The context is always implicit to the environment in which your brand lives. It will always retroactively influence the brand, whether we like it or not. Even if you can’t see it or aren’t consciously aware of it, it is there and juxtaposes its own meaning on everything your brand says or does.

There is no way to tell a story outside of the context of culture. That is the nature of Culture; it’s omnipresent. We might not see it, we might not be aware of it, but we cannot ignore it. There is no way to break out of Culture. We are impacted by it, no matter what we choose our brand to say.

Contributed to Branding Strategy Insider by: Dr. Martina Olbertova, founder and chief executive at Meaning.Global.

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