#is honest and says flat out he had a terrible day and is in a bad mood

[ellecdc]

PART 2 PLSSSSSSSSSSS

I need the comfort

ok ok ok ok ok mother's here - I've fixed it for you. Don't say I never did anything for ya 😉

part two of Mistake: poly!wolfstar x fem!reader

CW: angst, hurt and COMFORT read part one here

Remus felt like he’d just been slapped. In fact, he was sure that if he looked in a mirror, he would see a red welt in the shape of your hand across his cheek. 

Lupin?

You haven’t called him that since...well since you started dating. As a matter of fact, he can’t remember the last time you referred to him in any way other than some sickly-sweet pet name that he pretended embarrassed him, but he secretly preened at. 

I’ll see you around.

What the hell did that mean? What just happened?

He felt stuck...perhaps he should go after you? But you told him to go check on Sirius: make sure he’s okay for me, yeah? And he meant what he had said – the three of you would be back to normal in no time. They’d catch up with you tomorrow.

Remus tried to replay every interaction you had tonight. You had asked how their days were...he replied and asked how yours was. Should he have asked you first?

He should have asked you first.

You tried making conversation, but Remus was so hyper focused on Sirius’ mood – afraid that he’d do or say something out of pocket that would hurt your feelings – that each attempt sort of fell flat. Remus had been there before – he’s witnessed Sirius’ tendency to self-sabotage and ruin a good thing once he finally has it, and he didn’t want that to happen again. Not with you.

He knew what Sirius really needed was some quiet; a chance to ponder and lament angrily inside his own head without outside influence.

Maybe they should have cancelled – rescheduled your study date for another time. Clearly his effort to protect you from any negativity was in vain.  

But it was just a bad day, a blip, a one-off. You would all get some good sleep tonight and reconvene tomorrow.

Right?

Maybe he should have followed you.

But by the time he could manage to pry his feet from the floor of the library that he felt cemented to, you were gone. 

He would just have to talk it out with you tomorrow.

Remus entered his dorm to find Peter already asleep on his bed, James finishing the Transfiguration essay that was due tomorrow morning on his own bed, and both Remus and Sirius’ beds empty. 

“Pads around?” Remus asked James quietly as he began to shuck off his uniform. The quiet tone was mostly for courtesy’s sake knowing Peter could sleep through a stampede of hippogriffs.

James peered at Remus from above his glasses before nodding his head towards the bathroom door.

Sure enough, Remus found Sirius leaning against the shower stall with his eyes closed as the water cascaded around his form. 

“You almost done, love?” Remus asked gently. Sirius spooked slightly as he turned to look at Remus; his eyes were red and glossy...he had been crying.

“You didn’t stay with her?”

Remus fought the urge to grimace, to heave, to turn around and run. He opted to gently shake his head. “No, she... said she got most of what she needed to do done.”

Sirius seemed to consider that as he sighed. “Was she terribly upset? I didn’t...I didn’t mean to be an ass. I know James always says I’m quick to take it out on others – I tried really hard not to, honest. I swear it, Rem I-”

Remus began shaking his head as he moved towards Sirius. He could tell by the smell in the bathroom that Sirius had already washed his hair and there were no more suds on his body, so he turned the water off and handed Sirius a towel. 

“You were fine, Sirius. She’s – she’s fine.” He lied.

He lied. He lied to Sirius. About you.

But how could he look Sirius in the eye right now – Sirius who was currently standing naked, soaking wet, nearly hyperventilating, not over his disgusting parents but because he was afraid that he may have upset you – and tell him that between the maybe seven minutes since Sirius had left the library and now, Remus had completely mucked it all up?

The answer was: he couldn’t. He couldn’t look Sirius in the eye and admit that he may have just sabotaged your relationship.

It’s going to be fine. He tried to tell himself. We’ll fix this all tomorrow.

You felt beyond childish, hiding in your dorm room like some toddler throwing a temper tantrum. But you had decided last night that what you really needed was space. Some breathing room. A chance to see this from a different lens. A different perspective.

And you couldn’t do that when your heart was breaking. And being around Remus and Sirius felt like that right now.

It felt heart breaking. 

And perhaps that was your answer right there. If this was causing you heart ache, why were you doing it to yourself? To them? You didn’t deserve that, and neither did they.

But it wasn’t just this you were worried about. It was more than just this relationship – it was the friendship that preceded it. It was the meshing of you into their circle of friends. You were their friend long before you were ever their girlfriend. You wouldn’t just be losing Remus and Sirius: your boyfriend’s; you’d also be losing Remus and Sirius: your friend’s.

Maybe you should have thought about that before you said yes.

Suddenly, you were a little angry: they had asked you to be their girlfriend – not the other way around! Why would they put you through all of this for, what? For...

Was it really for nothing?

“Are you coming to breakfast?” Shelby asked you quietly from the door. You shifted your head on the pillow to make eye contact with her. “No, I’ve got some things to work on. I think I’ll hang out up here today.”

She seemed to consider you, eyes squinting and mouth pursing before she offered a curt nod. “I’ll bring something back for you then.”

You smiled gratefully at her. At least you knew if you did lose Remus and Sirius, you would still have friends who cared about you. 

Sirius spent most of his life believing he’d never be worthy of nice things. He was raised by monsters which meant he was a product of monsters; he was basically a monster.

He knew that the Black Darkness was always simmering just below the surface. It was archetypal of Black’s to explode; to lace their words with venom and strike at their victim, always aiming for the jugular. It had been Sirius’ own M.O. for his whole life. He had nearly lost everyone who ever meant anything to him on account of it. He had almost lost Moony.

Which is why it was so important to him that you never end up the latest victim of his Black Darkness. He was so afraid of disappointing you, letting you down, making you feel unloved. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to live with himself if he slipped – if he said something or did something to make you hate him. 

And it wasn’t just you he was worried about hurting; he knew if he hurt you, Remus would likely never forgive him.

Remus may have forgiven Sirius for his Darkness once; he didn’t want to risk trying for a second time. Sirius felt he’d hit his threshold for forgiveness – one more sin and he’d be on his own, surely.

So, he walked away. He tried to do it nicely – to excuse himself politely, assure you he’d be back in no time. 

But he still left.

It was cowardly. 

He needed to talk to you.

Which is why Sirius could be found that morning sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, knee bouncing frantically under the table and his body turned towards the entrance – waiting for you to make an appearance.

Except, you never came.

“Wait, Shelby just walked in without her. Where is she?” He asked despondently, turning towards Remus. 

Remus watched as Shelby and a few of your other friends sat at their usual places without you. “Come on.” He said quickly as the two of them stood and made their way over.

“Hey Shelby. Do you know where Y/N is?” Remus asked quietly, hoping his guilt didn’t permeate his tone. Unfortunately, under Shelby’s scrutinizing glance, he was sure he had been found out. 

“She’s in the dorm.” She said flatly, looking between the two boys. 

Sirius exchanged a glance with Remus before continuing. “Erm, do you...do you know why?” 

Shelby furrowed her brows “all she said was she had ‘some things to work on’ and that she’d be in the room today.”

Remus hissed under his breath and pulled Sirius aside.

“Pads, I’m sorry, but I think-”

“What is going on?” Sirius interrupted.

“Last night, I... I think Y/N was upset?”

“Upset? With me?” Sirius asked, shame worming its way through every cell in his body. 

“I don’t know. I... I don’t think so. But she...she said she’d ‘see me around’ and then called me Lupin.” 

All blood drained from Sirius’ face as he considered Remus’ words.

See him around...see him around!? What the hell did that mean? Did you not plan on seeing them again? Oh gods...you never planned on seeing them again.

“Rem...” Sirius breathed out, leaning against a pillar for support.

“I know, I don’t-”

“Good grief, what’s gotten into you two?” James commented as he walked into the Great Hall with Lily, who opted to carry on in her search for Regulus as James took in the state of his two friends.

“Well? What’s got you in such a twist?” He pressed when neither boy offered an explanation.

“It’s Y/N.” Remus admitted.

“She’s leaving us.” Sirius blurted.

“Okay, we don’t know that.” Remus conceded.

Sirius scoffed. “Well, she basically told you to go fuck yourself last night and now she’s avoiding us; what do you call that?”

“She didn’t tell me to go fuck myself!”

James groaned and rolled his eyes before grabbing Remus and Sirius’ shirts and dragging them over to the Slytherin table.

“That’s it. You guys need to talk to Regulus.” James muttered.

“Regulus?!” Sirius sputtered, looking at James incredulously. “I’m not asking my baby brother for relationship advice.”

“You’re not asking for relationship advice. You’re asking for his perspective on his own relationship.”

“Ew! That’s worse! I don’t want to hear about my baby brother’s relationship with my adoptive brother.” 

“Oh for- you are going to listen to Regulus’ perspective on what it’s like being added to a polyamorous relationship last.” James pressed, tone implying no nonsense. 

Sirius (unwillingly) and Remus (placidly) were dragged to the dark side (read: the Slytherin table) to be read their Miranda Rights have their asses handed to them by one Regulus Arcturus Black. 

“Reg, dear. I’m begging, pleading, on my hands and knees: put the poor sods out of their misery.” James said as he bodily sat Remus and Sirius on the bench across from Regulus.

Lily snickered and poked her nose into Regulus’ cheek, causing the youngest Black to blush, though the rest of his face remained stoic as he sized Sirius and Remus up.

“What have the two of you done now?” He drawled. “I can’t help but notice one third – arguably the better third - of your little trio is missing.”

Sirius scoffed, though he didn’t argue – Regulus wasn’t wrong per se; he loved Moony, but you were indeed the best of the bunch.

James cleared his throat pointedly as he shot Remus and Sirius a look.

“Right, er” Remus started awkwardly. “We seem to have, uhm. I mean to say that-”

“Why does Y/N hate us?” Sirius spat, slapping a hand over his mouth immediately afterwards as if those words had fallen from his mouth without his consent.

“Y/N? As in your girlfriend, Y/N?” Regulus asked, moving his eyes between his brother and his brother’s boyfriend.

“Yes, as in our girlfriend.” Remus muttered.

“What did you say to offend her?” James asked unhelpfully.

“Do you think if we knew that, we’d be here right now?” Sirius spat back. 

“No, I don’t think that.” Regulus answered for him. “What I think has probably happened is she’s feeling terribly insecure in your relationship and neither of you have done anything to help her.”

Well that shut Sirius up... Sirius noticed that Remus was pretty quiet too.

“Were...” Sirius asked, grimacing when he looked over at Lily and James knowing this was teetering slightly into the realm of things-he-doesn’t-really-want-to-know-about-his-brother’s-relationship-with-his-best-friend territory. But damnit, Sirius was as desperate man. And desperate times called for desperate measures. “Were you terribly insecure when you started dating...these two?” Sirius sneered the end of his sentence earning him a ‘hey!’ from Lily and a solid whack up the back of the head from James.

“Yes.” Regulus answered simply.

“Why?” Remus asked, looking desperately close to pulling out his notebook to take notes. Scratch that, Sirius watched as James swallowed a teasing remark when Remus actually pulled out a notebook to take notes. 

“It’s hard coming after. There’s a part of your brain that convinces you that you are second best; that you’ve somehow come in second place. If that’s not bad enough, then you begin spending time with two people who already have history, already have a connection, and already have a rhythm that doesn’t leave much room to pull you into the mix. And if it does pull you into the mix, you end up feeling terribly guilty for disrupting that rhythm. It’s all quite difficult.”

Sirius’ mouth hung open at Regulus’ demure tone on what sounded like a really heartbreaking situation. 

“Let me ask you this,” Regulus continued, unawares of Sirius’ inner dialogue (which consisted mostly of panicked ‘oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods oh my gods). “How has your relationship – between the two of you – changed since you added a third?”

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance before looking back at Regulus. “Uhm...not, really?”

“Not much at all.” Remus admitted more clearly.

“I see...” Regulus said, narrowing his gaze. “And how much time have each of you spent with her individually without the other present?”

Regulus got his answer in the form of awkward silence. 

“How did either of you expect your relationship to work if neither of you were willing to change the nature of yours in order to help it grow?” Regulus spat. 

“Well...” Remus started, but his sentence died when he realized there was nothing to say. 

“But...you stayed? Why?” Sirius asked his brother.

At this, Regulus’s face fell as he gave Sirius a sad smile. “Because of how we were raised, Sirius. I was so excited to be wanted, even for a moment, that I was willing to beg for scraps of whatever I could sink my claws into. She doesn’t strike me as that kind of girl.”

James and Lily looked forlorn as the latter placed her hand on Regulus’ shoulder consolingly. 

“It didn’t hurt to have the walking definition of unconditional love and the smartest, most intuitive witch I know to notice any discontent on my part.” He admitted shyly, earning him a smack of a kiss on the cheek from James.

“Gross. You guys are sickening.” Sirius muttered petulantly.

“So?” Lily interrupted what was close to becoming a squabble between the two Black brothers. “What are you guys going to do?”

Remus sported a determined expression as he looked to Sirius. “We’re going to make it right.”

Shelby stood by her word and brought your breakfast. She also brought you lunch, and then dinner. But by the following morning, she was tired of playing the role of house elf.

“Alright, are you going to tell me why you’re avoiding Lupin and Black?” She asked plainly, plopping herself down uninvited onto your bed.

“Wha-? I’m ... I’m not avoiding them.” You lied poorly.

“Please; don’t spit on my muffin and call it frosting, Y/N. You’re obviously avoiding them.”

“I...ew?”

She groaned and fell onto her back in defeat. “Please, for all that is holy, tell me why they’ve been following me around like kicked puppies hoping I’ll take them to their master?”

You rolled your eyes and turned back to your book that you held open but had never been reading. “Yeah, I’m sure they’re real upset.” You muttered.

“That’s it.” She spat and plucked your book out of your hands, throwing it over her shoulder unceremoniously. You cringed to think about how Remus would feel seeing a book treated in such a way.

“I was reading that!”

“Don’t lie to me again.” She said, levelling you with a ‘no nonsense’ look. “Spill.”

You sighed deeply, looking toward the window to try and find the words you’d spent the last 24 hours trying to formulate. She never rushed you for your answer, giving you all the time you needed. 

“I feel insignificant.” You admitted finally.

“And?”

You turned to face her, bemusement painting your features. “What do you mean, and?”

“And... have you spoken to them about it?”

You felt a little embarrassed to admit that no, you hadn’t.

“Why not?”

And that simple question seemed to set off all the emotions (mostly frustration) that simmered beneath your surface.

“Because Shelby. Because I don’t want to have to beg for love and affection. I don’t want to have to tell people how to love me; they should just already love me. I don��t want to feel like I’m intruding in someone else’s relationship. I don’t want to have to point out that I’m here and I’m hurting. It’s mortifying. I... I think I’m just done.”

Shelby nodded in understanding before she stood from your bed. “Then you need to finish this today. No more hiding in your room being angry by yourself, and no more letting them sniff around the castle like dejected little runts. Put all three of you out of your misery.” 

It was your turn to nod as you too stood from your bed, ready to face possibly one of the most heartbreaking days of your life.

But Shelby was right; it was time. 

The worst part was that Shelby had been telling the truth; Remus and Sirius did look like kicked puppies. 

The second you had entered the Great Hall you heard a crash of knees against benches and cutlery clashing as Sirius clumsily tried to vacate his seat in record time to make it over to you.

“Y/N!” He called, as if you could have missed the racket he made just prior. 

He looked gaunt – like he hadn’t eaten or slept enough (in the only less than 48 hours) since you’d seen him last. His eyes were red and a little swollen, like he’d been rubbing at them.

You immediately felt sick with guilt; if he really was struggling with things with his family, the last thing you wanted was to add to his stress. But Sirius was looking after himself, and Remus was looking after him too; someone needed to think about you. You had to look after yourself.

Remus didn’t look much better, approaching the two of you much more slowly, hardly making eye contact with you as if you’d lash out at any moment. You had to admit that it annoyed you a little bit.

“Hi Sirius.” You offered, voice grating over the sudden tightness. “Remus.”

Some of the tension seemed to leave Remus’ shoulders as he made an effort to make eye contact with you.

“Can we talk?” He asked timidly. 

You knew what was coming, what was happening, what you yourself had come here planning to do.

But it broke your heart nonetheless.

“Sure.” You whispered, and exited the Great Hall without waiting to see if they were following you. 

You walked into an empty classroom and leaned against one of the walls as Remus and Sirius closed the door behind them. They shared another look and stood opposite of you.

More secret conversations. You thought bitterly. And doesn’t this just paint a lovely picture; them versus you. 

“Y/N. We, uhm...we’ve been talking, and we realized that...that maybe we haven’t gone about this the right way.” Sirius started, looking at Remus continuously as he addressed you. 

We’ve made a terrible mistake. 

“We didn’t take into account the ways in which our relationship would have to change in order to make the three of us work” Remus added.

We didn’t realize how much you’d take away from us, you heard

“We feel like we’ve been unfair to you, and... we’re really sorry.” Sirius concluded, looking like his heart had been ripped out of his rib cage. You supposed that would make sense, considering that’s how you currently felt yourself.

It probably hurt all the same to them – they’d be losing the friendships the three of you had created too; the friendship you had with Remus, the friendship you had with Sirius, and the fun the three of you had all together. But you still loved them, and the last thing you wanted to do was to interfere in their relationship.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.” You admitted finally. “It was just a mistake.”

Remus’ head cocked to the side like a confused puppy whilst Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed. “Well...I, I’m not sure-” Remus started but was cut off by Sirius.

“Wait, Y/N, what exactly do you think the mistake was?”

You looked between the two of them as you lifted your shoulder. “I... I guess including me?” You stated as a question.

Sirius actually sputtered as Remus stepped towards you, stopping himself seemingly before he made to grab you.

“No! No, Dove. That’s not a mistake!” He insisted.

“Are you kidding? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us – no, no. This...wow, okay. Can we start from the beginning, please? Why do you think this was a mistake?” Sirius managed to (barely) get out.

You looked to the ceiling, eyes stinging at the reality of having to voice your hurt. “Because” your voice came out embarrassingly high. “Because it-it felt...better when we were friends. I didn’t feel...in the way. And it felt easier. Just - I didn’t mean to come in between you, and I never...” you cut yourself off, quickly moving into hyperventilating territory. 

“But-”

“It’s not a mistake!” Sirius shouted, cutting Remus off. “This wasn’t a mistake! You weren’t a mistake. I... okay. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, that’s true. But I don’t consider that a mistake. Not you, never you.”

“It was a surprise; a happy accident.” Remus added hopefully shy.

You felt drunk...dizzy...beyond confused. Weren’t they breaking up with you? Weren’t you supposed to be breaking up with them!?

“I think it was easier when we were friends because we weren’t putting so much pressure on ourselves to get this right.” Sirius explained.

Remus nodded and continued. “Sirius used to get so jealous if I got to hang out with you without him if he was at practice – took us a while to figure out that it was because he wished he was the one hanging out with you. When we started dating, I guess Sirius and I figured we’d just make sure to always hangout with you together so that neither of us felt left out. But we never even thought about how that must’ve been making you feel, dove. I’m so sorry.” 

“Regulus read us our rights.” Sirius admitted abashedly. “He pointed out that the relationship between the three of us will only work if our relationships with each other are strong. And we didn’t make our individual relationships with you a priority – that was our mistake, Y/N. Not you.” 

“Our mistake was believing you would just ‘catch up’ to where we are – which is years in the making – and also expecting you to somehow do that on your own. It was selfish and thoughtless.” Remus stressed

The things they were saying made sense and spoke to your very soul, but you couldn’t shake off this lingering feeling of dread.

“I... I should have said something... about how I was feeling.”

Sirius sighed, but it was Remus who spoke. “I think all of us could have done a better job communicating, that’s true. But we should have been more considerate. We asked you to join us, dove; we should have made that easy for you to do.”

“To think how much grief we’ve caused ourselves, when we could have just solved this all with a conversation.” Sirius mumbled dejectedly. 

“We’re not too late, are we? To solve this?” Remus asked quietly. Sirius’ eyes looked like they were close to popping out of his skull as he stood and made for you, grabbing your hands pleadingly.

“Oh gods, Y/N. You... you were breaking up with us, weren’t you? You thought we were breaking up with you?” His voice sounded very close to a sob.

“Please...please dove I- I don’t know that we deserve it, but please give us a chance to make this right, to do this properly. Give us a chance to love you the way you deserve.” Remus begged, moving to stand in front of you with Sirius, though he controlled his urge to grab your hands. 

You looked between the two boys; the two boys who you’ve been basically in love with for so long – the two boys who have proclaimed to feel the same way about you - and wondered to yourself again:

Have we made a terrible mistake?

Remus’ golden eyes shimmered with compassion and warmth, and Sirius burned fiercely in devotion and promises.  

Had you made a mistake? Falling in love with them?

No.

Perhaps Remus was right. Perhaps this was a happy accident.

“Okay.” You whispered. Remus exhaled the breath he’d been holding while Sirius’ face morphed into a small, hopeful kind of smile – far shyer than you were used to seeing from the boy.

“Okay?” He asked, moving his hands up from your wrists to your shoulders.

“Yeah... I-I don’t want to lose you guys.” You admitted wetly, a tear betraying you as it fell down your cheek. Sirius was quick to catch it with his thumb.

“Never, dove. Not if I can help it.” Remus promised. 

You believed him.  

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[moonstruckme]

could i request poly!marauders with reader who has trouble sleeping/insomnia pls? it’s so frustrating not being able to sleep and seeing everyone sleeping and then having a raging head and being exhausted throughout the days,,, just want someone to make the nights a little less stressful :((

Sorry for the long wait sweetness! Thanks for requesting

modern au

poly!marauderes x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

You want desperately to know what time it is. With the blackout curtains covering the windows and the digital clock stowed away in the drawer of the nightstand, it’s impossible to guess whether the sun is rising outside or if it’s only an hour past when you went to bed. You honestly have no idea. It feels like you’ve been lying here for an eternity, willing yourself to relax, but in your experience it’s equally likely that ten minutes have gone by. 

It’s that much worse with your boyfriends snoozing all around you. You envy Sirius’ open-mouthed snore. You feel trapped. You want to be sleeping with them but you can’t, so you want them to be awake with you, but waking them would be cruel. When you’d first gone to bed James had held you up against him, but it hadn’t taken long after he’d fallen asleep for him to roll over, unconsciously abandoning you between his and Remus’ backsides. Remus is a light enough sleeper that you know he’ll wake if you try to get out of bed, so you’re stuck here, staring into the formless black of your room, not knowing how much longer you have to endure it. 

Eventually you sit up on your elbow, reaching over Remus to check the time on your phone. Your hand is arrested just above the nightstand. 

“What,” Remus’ voice is croaky. “What’re you doing?” 

You don’t answer, knowing an honest one will only earn you a scolding. Remus rolls over and takes you hand with him. You can just barely see the outline of his head in the darkness, but you can feel his warm breath fanning across your face. 

“You know it’s only going to make things worse,” he says quietly. 

“It's worse not knowing,” you whisper. 

Remus sighs, rubbing his thumb into the meat of your palm. Some of your apprehension eases just from having him awake with you. “I’m sorry, sweet girl.” His voice is barely a murmur, but you can feel James starting to stir at your back. “I still think we have to try what the doctor said for now, okay?” 

He pushes his warm palm flat against yours, coaxing a small “okay” out of you. 

“I can stay up with you.” 

“No,” you say, despite the selfish voice in your head going Yes!. Remus needs more sleep than the rest of you to begin with, and you’re more accustomed to going without it than he is. “That’s okay, you should sleep.” 

You’re bracing yourself for his denial when James rolls over behind you, one big arm wrapping around your front. 

“Hey,” he slurs, “where’d you go?” 

You smother a laugh and Remus makes a similarly amused sound, likely guessing what had really happened. He reaches the hand not holding yours over your head to pet James’ hair. 

“I didn’t go anywhere,” you say softly. 

“Stay put this time, hm?” James replies fondly, giving your middle a squeeze. “Y’supposed to be on cuddle duty.” 

This time you can’t suppress it, and a little giggle escapes you. “Sorry,” you say. 

Remus hums in gentled remonstrance, you’re not sure at whom. 

“You’re all being terribly loud,” Sirius groans, and then there’s a shape leering over James’ head, doubtlessly glowering down at the three of you. “Why are we awake?”

“Someone couldn’t sleep,” Remus murmurs. 

Sirius makes a whiny pitying sound, reaching over James to paw blindly at you. You inhale when his perpetually freezing fingers fumble at your collarbone. James saves you, clasping Sirius’ hand in his own. 

“What else is new,” you try to joke. It comes out sounding more glum than you’d like. “Sorry I woke you guys.” 

“No, don’t be, angel.” James’ hand finds its way underneath your sleep shirt, thumb stroking the skin just above your navel. “We’d rather be awake with you anyway.” 

Sirius makes a sound like he could disagree, but his slender fingers burrow into your hair, scratching lightly at your scalp the way he knows you like. You bear the cold for his sake. 

“There’s no point in us all being awake,” you say, though you’re nearly purring from all the loving. “S’not your problem.” 

Sirius tsks. “We’ve been over this, doll. Your problems are ours, too.” 

You hum like Yeah, I know. Sirius takes in a breath like he might say more, but Remus comes to your rescue. 

“Do you want one of us to rub your back, dove?” 

That sounds amazing, actually. But you’re not sure if it’ll help, and you don’t want to put your boyfriends to work if there’s no promise it’ll do anything. “That’s okay,” you say. 

“No, come on.” James is already turning you in his arms. He cozies up to your front, big palm splayed out over your back. “We’re supposed to get you relaxed, right?” 

You nod, and his chest feels warm against your cheek. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep, though.” 

“That’s okay,” he replies readily. “Let’s just give it a try, yeah?”

You hum, acquiescence inlaid with guilt. From behind James, you hear Sirius chide you quietly (“Stop that”) and you know he’s heard it. James likely does too, but he ignores it, big palm beginning to move in broad, slow circles on your back. You try to help as best you can, relaxing into his hold and shutting your eyes. Even so, you grow tenser with frustration the longer it doesn’t work. 

“Breathe, sweetheart,” Remus murmurs behind you. His words brush over your nape like a caress. “Relax. Listen to his heartbeat.” 

You nestle your face closer to James’ chest, and he increases the pressure on your back as if to keep you there. You can hear the steady bump-bump of his heart as well as feel it against your cheek, and something about it has a tranquilizing effect on your own. It creates a beat to match the rhythm of his hand gliding along your back, steady and unwavering. You can hear your own breathing matching up to his, Remus’ too. Distantly, you become aware that Sirius is snoring again, but the thought dissipates half-formed. Your limbs feel warm and soft as wax. 

You don’t notice James moving until his lips come down on the top of your head, his palm still wearing its same track into your back. “Love you,” he says. 

You think you echo the sentiment, but you’re too far gone to know for sure.

#poly!marauders #poly!marauders x reader #poly!marauders x fem!reader #poly!marauders x you #poly!marauders x y/n #poly!marauders x self insert #poly!marauders fanfiction #poly!marauders fanfic #poly!marauders fic #poly!marauders fluff #poly!marauders hurt/comfort #poly!marauders imagine #poly!marauders scenario #poly!marauders drabble #poly!marauders blurb #poly!marauders one shot #poly!marauders oneshot #james potter #james potter x reader #sirius black #sirius black x reader #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fandom #hp marauders #the marauders #marauders x reader

[borathae]

↳ Index [Snippet #42 - Soul Healer]

“When Jungkook is the best remedy against the worries of a shitty day.”

Genre: married life!AU, domestic Fluff

Warnings: OC had a shitty day, Kookie is the best hubby ever, he knows exactly what to do to cheer her up

Wordcount: 2.1k

a/n: this couple will always bring me comfort. i love them so much, you guys can't even imagine. enjoy besties ehehe🧡

You are having a shit day. Not a bad day or a terrible day, not even an awful day. No, a shit day. A completely and utterly shitty ass day. 

Everything which could have gotten wrong at the restaurant went wrong, you had to deal with ten entitled rude bricks today and you have been hungry throughout most of your shift because you had the brilliant idea to leave without breakfast today. Till this hour you ask yourself why the fuck you did that. 

Your lovely, amazing, beautiful husband Jungkook had a free day today. Which meant he stayed home, cleaning and gardening. He also did the laundry eventhough it was your turn this week. He loves laundry, so he didn’t see it as annoying. 

Jungkook is rolling up to the restaurant an hour before closing. Like he promised back then when he rescued you from this really scary man. He never breaks his promises. Only when sickness keeps him in bed and even then, there was this one time where he wanted to come pick you up with a forty degree fever. Truly, he is the best and most stubborn husband ever.

He drove you to work today, wishing you a good day which sadly didn’t happen. You had a shit day. 

Jungkook parks his bike in front of the restaurant and gets off skilfully. You are by the entrance, watching him through the windows. He is wearing his black gear today, taking off his helmet smoothly. He shakes out his hair, combing his fingers through it afterwards. His bangs look flat because of the helmet, but you think he is still so incredibly cute. He looks up, meeting your eyes. 

His face lights up instantly, he lifts his arm to wave at you. You must admit that merely seeing him makes you feel a little better already.

You retort the wave with an honest smile, before returning to the task of closing up. Your guests left for the night, as did your workers, so you decide to lock up sooner than on other days. You don’t want to be at this stupid place any longer and because you are the owner you can decide when your shift is done. It’s done now. No more stupid ass work. 

You step outside, meeting Jungkook who has just this moment stopped running to you. He stops with a bounce.

“Hey baby”, he says, pulling you into a kiss with his arm around your waist. It is quite zestful, leaving you to stumble into him. You like when he is like that. It’s always very hot when he shows you just enough of his strength in a gentle manner. 

He steps back after the kiss, but keeps his hand on your lower back. 

“What are you doing? Are you already closing up? Fuck, did I miss the time?”

“No, you didn’t. I just didn’t wanna wait another hour. Just wanna be home. Did you cook?” 

Jungkook knows not to be offended by your snappish tone. Instead, he grows worried. 

“I did, yeah. What happened, darling? Did someone hurt you?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it. Can you drive me home now?”

“Of course.”

Jungkook drives you home. You like the time you share on his bike. You love the feeling of the cool evening air on your skin, love the fact that you can hug him and you especially love the moments where he stops at a red light and instantly begins rubbing your arm or knee. It’s those small gestures which count. 

Once home and the bike gear is shrugged off for the day, you leave for the bathroom. 

“I have to shower. Is dinner ready or can I go?”

“No, you can go. I waited with the finishing touches. Take your time sweetie, yeah?”

“Yeah, thank you.”

You greet Bam on your way to the bathroom. Seeing your dog really cheers you up as well and you enjoy a few lovely minutes petting him. You love this dog so much. 

Soon however, Bam runs off to play with his pet giraffe (the same one which was once so big next to him) while you continue your way to the upstairs bathroom. 

Washing off your shitty day helps a little, changing into your favourite lounge dress definitely helps and leaving the bedroom to the smell of finished dinner most definitely does. 

Jungkook prepared it outside on your back porch with some lemon candles burning to fight off mosquitoes. 

He is still in the kitchen, finishing up dinner. Bam is in the living room. 

“That smells amazing”, you say, hugging him from behind.

He leans into you. He is wearing a simple grey t-shirt and black jeans with a belt accentuating his waist. He dressed up. It’s hot that he did. 

“Mhm yeah”, he says.

You sway your bodies gently, giving his waist a tight squeeze.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you with my behaviour before”, you say honestly.

“You didn’t, baby”, he assures you, “I get it. You had a stressful day.”

“Yeah”, you say and smush your cheek against his back, “and I’m so hungry too. Today’s a shit day, seriously.”

“Poor baby”, he says, rubbing your arm, “you can look forward to the food. It’s gonna be amazing.”

“Mhm, I know it will be. What did you cook?”

“Corn soup and spicy buckwheat noodles. I know the combo is kinda weird, but I thought I’d bring out the soup as a last minute remedy.”

“Remedy?”

“You’re upset and the soup’s your favourite. It’ll cheer you up.”

You inhale deeply and kiss his back. He knows you so well.

“Thank you”, you say.

“Mhm”, he pats your hand, “go sit down, I’m bringing the food.”

You don’t have to be told twice. Jungkook follows with the food, serving it to you while you look at him. You are so in love with this man. 

He sits down on the chair next to you so you can talk. 

“Dig in”, he tells you and turns to his bowl of soup. You stop him before he can, having his cheeks in a gentle hold between your fingers so you can pull him into a kiss. He hums in surprise, but soon chuckles and kisses you back with a smile on his lips. 

You don’t really deepen the kiss as this was meant as a thank you. You still stub his nose with your own however. That much is mandatory. 

“You’re the best person ever”, you whisper, caressing his cheeks, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“If it helps you, I’ll gladly do it. Actually, I’ll do it even if it doesn’t really help. Just want you to feel better. Did that make sense? Can something even make you feel better when it doesn’t help?”

You chuckle because of him. He is so endearing.

“It helps me. I already feel a lot better. I guess. Just-”, you release a loud sigh, sagging your shoulders as you send him a defeated pout. He takes your hand.

“What’s up? Tell me.”

“Can I really?”

“Of course. That’s what I’m here for you. Just tell me what you need. A listener or advisor?”

You love him so much. He is asking the right questions. You love this man so much.

“Listener. Just need to rant.”

“I can do that. Tell me everything.”

And so you do. You tell him every single thing which went wrong today and Jungkook reacts to all of it with comradery complaints and gasps. You tell him about all the rude assholes you had to deal with and Jungkook calls them names until you can’t help but giggle. You also bring up the stuff again which you already complained about, but which still bugs you and Jungkook reacts with just as much enthusiasm as the first time. 

And once you have finally finished your long rant, the corn soup is finished and you are halfway done with the noodles.

You haven’t said anything new for five minutes. Jungkook knows that it is safe to change the topic now. 

“How are the noodles, baby? Can you tell a difference?”

“I can, yeah. They taste nuttier. What did you do?”

“I added one more spoon of perilla oil. I think it’s really bringing it together. Don’t you think?”

“Definitely. I really like this recipe. You thought of something yummy.”

“Thank you. Although, I think that I can do even better next time. I’ll try a better ratio of seaweed and noodles. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.”

“Okay”, you say and pinch his cheek, “Mister Never Satisfied”, you say with a fond smile.

“Leave me alone”, he mumbles and pouts, “it’s a virgo thing, I can’t help it.” 

You chuckle, “ah yes, the stars are making you do it”, you tease.

“Hey”, he pouts harder. He even talks whinier, “I’m here for you in your troubles and suddenly I get bullied outta nowhere. That’s unfair.”

You laugh and lean in for a smooch to his cheek.

“I’m sorry. I was just teasing, I’m sorry if I genuinely upset you.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m not mad”, he assures you and chuckles, “it’s just not funny.”

“Okay”, you say in a snicker and move back to continue eating. You slurp up the noodles, humming agreement, “those are so good, baby. I’m serious. The soup was amazing too.”

Jungkook wiggles his shoulders and looks at his noodles with a boyish grin. He eats them with his grin growing and his chest fluttering in happiness. It makes him really happy when you like the food he is making for you. He can still remember the days where he didn’t even know how to cook ramen and now he’s cooking your favourite food for you and you genuinely love it. He feels like such an accomplished person, and like a true husband, when he can cook for you.

You get up to clean once you finished dinner. It’s a rule. The person who didn’t cook, cleans the kitchen. It’s a fair agreement.

“What are you doing?” Jungkook gasps, following you with widened eyes.

You stop in the doorway to inside, studying his features. He looks almost offended right now.

“Cleaning up. Why do you look so offended?”

“Because the hell?” he says and gets up. He hurries to you and almost rips the dirty plates out of your hands, “you don’t gotta clean tonight, that’s my job. Go sit your ass down on the couch and watch something”, he says sternly.

You chuckle, “okay, I see how it is. Shouldn’t I at least help you carry the pots inside?”

“No”, he insists loudly and his brows furrowing, “just sit down and relax.”

“Fine”, you give up and spank his butt gently, “you’re so stubborn.”

You are around twenty minutes into your show when Jungkook joins you on the couch. He kept the shirt on, but took off his pants. It’s cute. 

“Did you take off your pants?”

“Yeah, they were uncomfy”, he says and plops down next to you, “I thought I’d dress up, but then you didn’t even tell me that I’m handsome”, he says and adds in a murmur, “is really mean that you didn’t.”

You chuckle, studying his face.

“What? I’m serious”, he says and pouts.

“Gosh baby”, you get out and close the distance between you and him to smooch his cheek. You are hugging him as you do, looking at him with fond eyes, “I’m sorry. Of course you were handsome. You still are”, you say, swaying him from side to side, “my handsome hubby.”

Jungkook smiles, “nice. You’re so pretty too”, he says, making you chuckle fondly.

“Thank you”, you say and peck his cheek one last time before you cuddle into him. You rest your head on his chest while he rubs his hand up and down your arm. You feel so safe in his embrace. He is like your very own cocoon of comfort you can return to after a long day. 

You take a deep breath and exhale through your nose, running your hand up and down his tummy.

“I love you, Kook”, you tell him, tilting your head up.

He meets your eyes and smiles softly, running the back of his hand down your cheek.

“I love you too, darling”, he says, leaning down to kiss the bridge of your nose. Your eyes fall closed, a smile curls your lips. After the kiss, he caresses your cheek once before returning to watching the show. And you settle against his chest to get lost in it with him. 

“This show’s so good”, you say.

“Yeah”, he agrees and laughs with you as something funny happens on screen.

You can have all the shitty days in the world, but at the end of them they don’t really matter because you have Jungkook to find comfort in.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook oneshot #jungkook scenario #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fluff #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts oneshot #bts scenario #bts x reader #bts x you #bangtan fluff #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fanfiction #bangtan oneshot #bangtan scenario #bangtan x reader #bangtan x you #fanfic: ogc

[gabessquishytum]

Hob likes food okay, he thinks cooking is a act of love, so when he's tapped by HFGTV for his own food show, he knows he's going to do it his own way. His show is sort of Guy Fieri-ish -- Hob will happily eat your burger made of 5 cheeses; that corn dip that was a hit at your town's most recent potluck,,, if it's made with love and care... Hob will happily chow down. He gets to travel and speak (and cook) with normal people who love it as much as he does.

Dream is a Michelin Starred chef; with famous, but popular, restaurants with aggressive wait lists. Food is art and craft; and while he still loves cooking (not that he has time to eat any of it) he finds himself bored of his function.

Dream and Hob bump into each other at an industry event:

M (dripping with distainful disbelief): You're that chef that happily eats oreos dipped in marshmallow fluff, covered in chocolate and deep fried?!

H: 😍 I love your food! You watch my show?!?!!! Wanna go a a date with me, snobby Mc'beautiful man?!

Dream hates himself, a little, that he finds the heathen charming.

This is the cutest thing I've ever seen. I'm MELTING.

So maybe Dream is only in Hob’s part of town for the weekend, just for this event. So Hob persuades him - he'll take Dream for a tour around his favourite food spots. They'll have fun, eat, and maybe Dream will find his love for food again. Maybe they'll also do a little smoochin'. Dream rolls his eyes so hard they nearly fall out BUT he agrees.

It's late morning when they start out so Hob drags Dream for brunch at his favourite little hole in the wall cafe. They do a fusion breakfast menu with traditional British stuff plus breakfast foods from all different regions of India, and you can pick and choose whatever you want to eat. Hob knows all the staff and ends up dragging Dream into the kitchen to chat/try little mouthfuls of food. By the time they sit down to eat Dream has a tiny smile on his face (although he seriously objects to how much ketchup Hob is putting on his plate).

After brunch they walk around a bit and go get boba at Hob’s favourite place because he's scandalised that Dream has never tried it?! Hob also can't help but talk about how much he loves Dream’s food and how he'd eat at his restaurant every single day if he could. Dream can't believe that someone would care so much about his food, but he's very charmed. He even says he'll cook for Hob some time.

Next stop is to get freshly baked gingerbread from a tiny food truck. Hob spends the whole time trying to wheedle the secret recipe out of the owner while Dream is like "don't tell him, he obviously can't keep a secret to save his life." They're basically already an old married couple and they get the gingerbread for free.

At this point Dream needs to lie down because he hasn't eaten so much food in forever, so Hob offers to take him back to his flat and they can drink tea and just talk about food. Dream ends up falling asleep on Hob’s shoulder and when he wakes up, Hob has ordered pizza. Its cheesy and greasy and a little bit terrible, but there's something about it that reminds Dream why he became a chef in the first place.

They end up making out on the sofa for a few hours until Hob pulls away with this face like he just had the best idea. "We need to do a show together. Where we do what we did today and I seduce you with good, honest food."

And although Dream wrinkles up his nose like he hates the thought... he's the one calling up the studio in the morning and demanding to be allowed to pitch the show 😉

#the sandman #dreamling #cw food

[arthurtaylorlester]

malevolent season 4 was... something, that's for sure

i want to preface this by saying i LOVE malevolent as a show and this is no means an attack on the creator or anything like that, i don't think i'll ever stop listening halfway, no matter how i feel about it. i'm not saying season 4 is all bad either.

it is a deviation for malevolent, though i found it VERY well written up until part 31 (and part 31 is my favourite malevolent episode ever)

s4 started off really strong for me, part 29 set the tone really well, much lighter after s3's emotional lows. the butcher was an interesting enough new villain to put yarson aside for now. part 30 had some charming moments, but the real star of the early season was part 31, a truly incredibly written and directed look into arthur's psychology. it truly gave us everything, from lore to highly comedic moments (to me)(no because why was arthur dreaming of waking up next to a shirtless man who tried to kill him)

parts 32 through 34 i'm not sure about, but i can write them off as awkward mid season points. part 34 was an interesting shift in perspective, but here is where my doubt's about the season's villains started rising

but the oscar & scratch arcs.... guys i'm gonna be honest, i might be oscar's #1 hater

scratch and oscar in this season were functionally useless filler. it's not unusual for arthur and john get sidetracked during their missions, but it usually ends up leading them right where they need to be by the season finale. this felt like a parenthesis that killed any tension created by the butcher.

this season had, quite unnecessarily, 3 antagonists. now this wouldn't be a terrible idea, had they been established before. but no. for some reason it was chosen to leave the only villain we could genuinely be afraid of alone, in favour of introducing not one but two antagonists yet to be established. neither because of this have the adequate fear factor (the butcher is better about this) and both get the most abysmal ends i could've imagines. what do you mean scratch is just gone like that after causing some emotional conflict with his deal. what do you mean the butcher was KOed by the fucking priest with a bedpan? what? that's it? you expect me to be scared or even care about the butcher now?

speaking of the priest. i want to like oscar i really do but. he's a terribly written character. we get to know him while arthur is teaching john intimidation tactics so out of gate our initial impression of him is as someone meek. and then in part 36 after "sorting out" the butcher, oscar just dumps out his trauma point blank to someone he's spoken to a handful of times in the past 3? 4? days.

malevolent in general has a bit of an exposition problem, but it usually works out if it's john expositing because. that's literally all he can do. but when a character with more agency do it, it makes them flat. oscar didn't have to tell us all that, he didn't have a reason. arthur confessing to 7 murders isn't a prompt to make himself vulnerable like that. i did not start caring for him, just because he had a tragic backstory. that's... not how you get someone to care about a character. oscar could be defined as a static character, and while it's not too unusual for a static character to be the focal point of an arc, i don't think it works the way most authors think it does.

also the worms in the farm only happened because of him messing with the stove so like. that's not helping his case.

the completely unnecessary farm arc concluded, we return oscar to the hospital, with arthur caving very quickly to john's demands if he truly cared about oscar so much. and so, a single episode before the finale, we get properly acquainted our main ally for the showdown. a choice definitely, but i feel like this one worked out pretty well considering noel had time to simmer before we got know of his past + he had interesting conflict with john and arthur.

and then there's the big one, the thing that appalls me entirely. leaving larson and yellow, the main villains of the finale COMPLETELY alone until the very end. why? why would you choose to not use them earlier? we spent so much time away from larson, so we weren't really as scared of him as we were at the end of part 28 (i literally was listening to the last 15 minutes of this ep on my toes because i thought he might do something) and we had had no CHANCE to even fear yellow, since we knew nothing of his power?

and what, the butcher is on our side now because noel granted his release? just like that? i know he's a contract killer but arthur insulted him to his face, he can believe they understand each other but did he feel no anger?

the finale did well, considering the context it was given to work with, though i did not understand the point of the memory thing... that didn't go anywhere? because not arthur nor noel actually lost anything. we don't know what the box was for, we only know some guy wrote "the birth of my son" on slip of paper and put it in. arthur assumed it was a memory, when it just as well could've been a literal offering, arthur assumed it would involve losing said memory, and they assumed it was related. initially i thought it would only go through if the ritual took place, which, it didn't. but reading back here is no further clarification on it. hold your angst horses, blindfaith enjoyers

i feel like john physically manifesting, if now an established power of his, was very cheap. unless it was a one-off, or some sort of power up, it just literally took away the main premise of the show. an all-powerful god rendered powerless by being stuck in some guy's mind and being forced to confront the troubles of someone infinitesimal to him. if you let him astral project and save people, then what's the point?

but i do actually think it was a one-off, so we'll see how it goes

simply put, john saving arthur when he jumped in s3 had more impact than this because he did it with a single, human, hand. no magic.

it was pleasant to have kayne and his expected chaos back, jarring as always. john's deal was exactly what we all thought it was going to be, maybe more about himself than arthur, but i don't think anyone can fault him for that.

one things though, and this questions may just be me not remembering, is arthur supposed to know that yellow is a separate entity from john when they realise larson has him in his head? because i remember arthur just assuming that 'yellow' just had all of his memories returned in part 23, and therefore not knowing that he's a separate guy from john.

just in general, i feel like s4 had a LOT of good ideas that weren't given enough room to breathe and therefore weren't written very well that really weighed down my enjoyment of the season. that's not to say there weren't things i liked. the emotional moments hit just as hard, like reconciling with daniel, the comedy was on point (genuinely this season was so funny) and even the most out of pocket thing arthur has ever said, calling john a child, no matter how much discourse it caused, was actually sort of in character for him? i mean arthur is an asshole so like i get why his immediate reaction to his severely emotionally unintelligent friend being possessive is babying him. they're awful people. they deserve each other. it made somewhat sense in retrospect.

all this to say, while i didn't hate s4, i think it had a lot of writing issues, especially when comparing it to the other 3, and it could've been done WAYY better but hey we all have our moments.

i await anxiously intermezzo's public release and the rest of season 5 👀

#if there are any mistakes please point them out haha! #and if you have any counterarguments i'll gladly hear them #always down for a debate :) #malevolent #malevolent podcast #malevolent critical #malevolent neg #< in case #masked #harlan if you see this it's on YOU #arthur lester #john doe #oscar malevolent #collins malevolent #the butcher malevolent #mr scratch #detective noel #charlie dowd #wallace larson #yellow malevolent #the king in yellow #kayne malevolent #unhinged aromantics

[amuseoffyre]

I got thinking that the most honest and raw details about Ed and Stede's past are revealed in Stede's fever-dream and Badminton hallucination and Ed's coma, when they're confronted by their own subconsciousnesseseses (too many esesesss didn't know when to stop).

I had a pick over some of Ed's dialogue from the Gravy Basket the other day, which was barely even scraping the surface, including his expectation of violence when he's vulnerable, anticipation of hurt/cruelty in a domestic sphere and from a caretaker, desperate need for validation and approval and more.

While rewatching episode 1-4 today, it hit me how much Stede's demonstrate his belief that:

he was and remains nothing more than a disappointment to everyone around him, fit for scorn and derision (covering the parent, spouse and child for his fever dream)

no one would care if he was hurt ("Yeah, congrats")

he was insufficient ("you are such a disappointment")

he was a coward/weak ("He was scared of geese, for god's sake," say the man who shows up holding the goose he forced his son to watch him kill)

his choices, thoughts and fears would be laughed at (All of the above + Nigel)

no one cares about his physical well-being (Standing over him, taunting and laughing while he's in pain)

he was a terrible father by choosing to leave ("They'll never see papa again")

his children would hate him and wouldn't care if he was dead ("scoundrels spare no one")

Messy, emotionally-repressive autistic lad hasn't had anywhere to let out his distress for a long time, because he's never felt safe to do it. Mary says she knew he was unhappy and thought she heard him crying alone and, in a flat monotone, he denied it and said the crying was the wind.

He was conditioned to believe anything he said would be shot down. He wasn't allowed to express opinions and thoughts and his father made damn sure if he did have any, they were scoffed at and ridiculed, whether it was Stede's belief he was fortunate to have comfort and wealth or derision about his belief that he could marry for love. Mary's anger at his ship plan comes in there too, even if her reaction is warranted - he still sees a rejection of him, his ideas and the things he cares about.

It says it all that the only time he really does lose his temper in S1 (not including the meltdowns over things not going to plan) is when Jack is deliberately smashing all his buttons, treating him like his peers and dad used to and then, to rub it in extra hard, pissing on his shoes.

Stede tried to do what he normally did in stressful situations: he was going to go back to the ship so no one would see anything, because Conceal Don't Feel is that man's watchword. He bottles so finely he has an entire wine cellar of Trauma.

Ed catches him before he can leave and Stede's all out of control of his emotions and lets opinions fly and next thing he knows, Karl is dead, the crew are upset and Ed is leaving with Jack. So he learns Do Not Show The Emotions Again and boy, how that spectacularly backfires.

And on that note, watching S2, ohhhhhh there's an eruption coming at some point. He has been pushing it all down, shaking the bottles and stacking them. We've had his flashbacks again. We've had him kill for the first time. We've had him almost lose the love of his life multiple times. He's not dealt with any of that and a storm is a-coming now there's nothing to distract him from it.

Also, in case there's any doubts that his trauma isn't lurking to sneak back up and bite him, look at the man he chose to spend time with after Ed left him when he did something regarded as "man's work": an older man in a bloody leather apron just like his father in the flashbacks.

"You like me for me," he says to that guy, the one who has been reassuring him and validating him and telling him how good and worthwhile he is all day.

Stede "Daddy Issues and Then Some" Bonnet.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #long post

[camilasstories]

❝feeling unreciprocated❞ chapter 2 | jungkook x reader

summary: Sleeping with one guy after feeling rejected wasn't a good idea, but sleeping with another one and another seemed to be even worse plan. Especially with your handsome crush behind the wall, who is as confused as you about your ways of coping with a broken heart.

warnings: +18

note: Thank you so much for your feedback! I couldn't believe how many of you liked the first chapter, it means a lot. I'm not sure whether my style of writing is good enough, I tend to write long descriptions of mundane things which might be boring to read, but I think it's real and gives a lot to the story. Let me know, I may improve the story :) Have a nice day!

trailer | chapter 1 | next chapter

It was suffocating to know that you were almost cheating on your true feelings right in the moment. You couldn’t breath from guilt building in your heart as it felt completely terrible to consciously muffle them down just so you may find peace when he was in your presence. So you could remain emotionless to the joy that came from interacting with Jungkook.

It was so wrong but so right at the same time, giving you nightmares and surprisingly rest in mind. It would be easy one thing, you thought, and it would be all done with this specific guy and Jungkook forever. You wished this night would close the most distraught chapter in your life so you had prepared seeing it coming up to a close. Before he came, in the morning you were breathing steadily while looking at the plain white ceiling trying to remind yourself when did you fall asleep. The fact that you weren’t woken up by your alarm signalled it was earlier than usual so you just stayed in your bed a little bit longer with intention to make yourself a warm coffee in a moment. The reason your body decided to wake up at five o’clock may have been becuase of your brain knowing you were waiting for a reply from this guy. Magically, it wanted you to get the answer as fast as possible and stop worrying about whether he thought if you were crazy or not. In the evening you managed to take a long, hot shower which was previously interrupted by a message, but it fulfilled its function as it released the tension from your muscles.

You didn't want to use your phone right then. You made an excuse that the reason behind it was just to start this morning differently and perhaps break a bad habit, but to be honest you were still wondering if a hookup was a decent idea and if your decision-making device in your head was in order those days. Probably not, however it was the first step to drag yourself away from Jungkook. Once you tried to suggest him somebody in his environment may have feelings form him, but he brushed it off with a laugh saying it's too bad as he was not interested in anyone that time. So you presumed that if he's not attracted even to hot girls in a club then it felt like you did not stand a chance with him really, so trying to make him see you more than just a far friend was pointless in your opinion. Maybe if he had showed some signs that he was interested in a romantic way, you would have taken the action, but he gave you nothing apart from your movie nights and saying hello during the day. It was the moment you felt rejected even if you didn't confess to him and you didn't get the answer. It was clear enough and you weren't even mourning. It was like it was. The whole situation got accepted by you, just not by your heart, but you were slowly handling it.

When you went out of your room you knew he was in a flat. Keys that were laying on the foyer console hit you with thought that yesterday you didn't have a opportunity to see Jungkook after your movie night which you found quite odd comparing to the other ones that were full of jokes and just light atmosphere. You had no idea when he got home, but his keys gave away his presence, which made you settle down. For some reasons you felt calmer when you knew he got home safe, that he was near although you might have not exchanged any words. It didn't matter. Perhaps, it would change soon, you came to conclusion as you analyzed your texts with a guy named Hyun Won.

At the beginning they were quite normal texts where two people wanted to know something more about each other... until they weren't and it wasn't even a slow process. They soon intensified and escalated to the point you doubted who you really were. Topics changed drastically to more nasty ones and he got straight to the point you wanted to make from the start. You just didn't get the answer from him as he became inactive.

You winced at your cringey ways.

"Fuck it, now or never" you murmured against your mug with coffee and entered your password "Please, just don't block me, stranger".

To your surprise it didn't happen, though it made you look like a simple night lady, which wasn't something you were proud of, but hey! You had a fine explanation for it - people your age were doing the same things and maybe even worse over and over again. And sex? Sex was normal, right? Okay, maybe not with strangers, this part was obvious, but again it was totally normal to make love spontaneously. Moreover, there was a new message written at one in the morning in your box "can't wait to see you in bed this evening", so the guy was keen on meeting with you, therefore it couldn't be that horrible. He didn't shoo you off. You read it again with frowned eyebrows because you believed there was something you had missed.

"This evening?" you touched your forehead with your hand letting out a groan "This can't be...".

And another one that came after it: "your place?"

You were hoping to do it rather somewhere else than in your apartment, but what would be more responsible in this situation? Be killed in somebody's house and as a result nobody would be able to find your body or in yours where everyone knew where you lived? Well, both options sucked to be honest. He would have known where you resided if you invited him over. You consented in the end hoping Jungkook would be away at some party which was highly likely. And it happened. He did informed you again he would be out this evening. It made you roll your eyes in annoyance you felt knowing there was no hope to make him change his mind so you could text the guy you couldn’t meet, that something important popped up and you’re truly sorry which would be a lie. But Jungkook decided unconsciously not to make your life easier and there you were giving yourself to a guy you knew only from the Internet and his skills in bed that he wanted to show instantly in your bedroom.

“Fuck, baby” you heard husky voice in your ear while your body shivered from cold as you found yourself in situation where no material was covering your skin “You’re a fucking angel, I hope you know that”.

You were completely naked, laying on your bed waiting for his moves as you didn’t have enough courage to take initiative, but he seemed not to mind. You felt light, feather kisses going from your jaw down to your collarbones which made you close your eyes. It felt weird, pleasant but odd as your body was becoming covered in red marks and tracks of teeth.

“Thank you” you whispered touching his chest with your hand as if you wanted him to slow down the peace, but he didn’t get the signal which irritated you much “Could you please do it slower?” you gasped as it hit you even harder.

He was muscular and handsome even but he wasn’t a good listener, though he did everything like it should be. He brought you flowers, a small cute bouquet that now beautifully decorated your foyer, but soon after he had given them to you, he grasped your hips tightly bringing you closer to his body and smashed his lips into yours starting your way to your room. Like he was trying to be a gentleman whom he wasn’t, but at least he tried to mimic gestures and actions that could only resemble a guy with good manners.

“Shit, but I want you so bad” he moaned in your lips thrusting into you harder and harder which didn’t hurt fortunately, but it could, seeing only lust forming in his eyes “So bad, angel. I think I might be coming” he groaned keeping his peace the way he wished not really taking into consideration your needs.

You weren’t close although it felt good to have his hands wandering on your waist and sometimes grabbing one of your breast and caressing it with fingers. But it wasn’t even near to your fantasy dreams with Jungkook in the main role which made you slightly wet even with just thinking about such kind of scenario. You felt shame when the ideas came to your mind but you couldn’t help it sometimes when you caught his smile towards you contemplating if it meant something more. Often you were dragged away by your feelings immersing yourself in pleasure of dreaming about him in general which was not right in the end.

“I don’t want you to come yet” you commanded whining as you sensed your plan didn’t work. As if you wanted to postpone the intercourse because somehow you wanted it to work, to finally change your view of Jungkook in your helpless mind.

It would have to work. There was no way it wouldn’t.

“I know, I know” he cooed holding your hand “Wanna change positions?” he hided his face in your neck trying to shoo away pleasant feeling down his body.

“If it helps” you murmured against his skin knowing it could prevent it from ending the intercourse “Please” moan escaped your lips as he touched you down there with just a tip of his finger.

You pulled yourself up with his help in a hurry and bended on your elbows so he could take you from behind. You heard his deep sigh as he entranced you feeling even much better than before having the access to the deepest parts of your body. It seemed like you felt nothing but physical pleasure and it wasn’t something you wanted to achieve. Your aim was different - you wanted to scream forgetting all about your roommate by hanging out with Hyun Woo. Not just orgasm.

Emotions soon managed to overwhelm you. It was too much for you to handle as you were expecting something more than just a quick fuck with your mind wandering to Jungkook over and over. You uncontrollably let yourself a quite sob knowing it didn’t work. How fucked up it was to hook up with a guy to forget about the other one? It was even more strange that you thought this way was the most reasonable and that dating others would change your point of view.

“Oh, are you crying baby? I didn’t know you are this close” he took a pride in it while having his hand on your butt “Let it go, come with me”.

You just nodded your head so he could take it as as a inverbal yes knowing for yourself it wasn’t true, but how much you wanted it to be. He couldn’t even imagine, in your opinion. You wished it to work, but all you could think about was Jungkook having fun at Vixen’s with his friends and god knew who else.

“You are amazing” he still gave you compliments, but your head wasn’t there.

You weren’t present desiring it to be over so you could lay alone in your bed after having changed your sheets to fresh ones. Your room smelled like sex, this strange smell of light sweat, manly cologne and mint preservatives mixed with the smell of your lavender washing liquid on your clothes and balsams on your skin. If someone had entered your room, he would have guessed you weren’t alone this night, but there was nobody that could really check on you apart from definitely drunk right now Jungkook. But it was too early for him to come home as he tended to come back from 2 a.m. to the early morning.

“I’m so close, fuck”.

You felt how fast he was going with the sounds of slaps against your body which you endured bravely with your fists clenched on your pillow. Soon, he pulled out not wanting to come in you. He did wear condom though and he held it while pulling his cock out to make sure it wouldn’t slip. At least, there was one person that was reasonable in this flat.

You looked around searching for your clothes while he was taking off the condom.

“That was it, I suppose…” you said a little bit awkwardly stroking your thigh from nerves.

As long as there was tension between two of you you felt confident, but it was gone and so was your feeling of casualty and calmness. It made distress you, there was no doubt in it. It was nice to have somebody new in your life, another story to tell and laugh at it, but you were disappointed to say it didn’t do much with your feelings.

“Thanks for your time” you hurried up to find your shirt laying on the floor so you could put it on.

“Can we catch up later?”

The question was totally unexpected as you thought he knew it was just a hook up. You bit your lower lip trying to find a solid lie. You weren’t sure if he was playing with you or he was serious, but you didn’t want to risk hurting his feelings. You knew from autopsy what was it like to like someone who didn’t exactly care about your crush.

“We will be in touch, for sure” you assured him with a fake but soft smile “I just don’t know when I would need…” you tried to find appropriate word but nothing came to your mind.

“A bit fun?” he looked up at you with a grin while putting his boxer on.

“Yeah…” you chuckled amused at least once during this evening, you didn’t want to insult him “We can say that”.

“Great” he smiled to himself gathering his things “Because I’m looking forward to meet with you again. It was a nice treat I must say” Hyun winked at you half-naked.

“I can say the same thing” you put on you rest of your clothes “Thanks for the flowers again” you murmured thinking of his kind gesture from before.

“You’re welcome” he shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing.

You watched carefully as he tighten his belt totally lost in his thoughts. You caught him giving you some glances, so you presumed he wanted to say something, but you weren't sure if you wanted to know what it was. Frankly speaking, for you it was a final and it shouldn't have happened in the first place, but you didn't regret it. Just a new experience.

“Can I kiss you?” he blurted up suddenly.

"What?" you almost choked with air looking straight at his face and then you bite your lips realizing your reaction was too harsh "Sorry, well... I don't think it's... a good idea" you nodded your head to somehow prove your rightness.

He smiled.

“Listen, I feel like it would be our last meeting. You say nice things, but… Just by looking at you, I know you won’t call me again or text me” he sealed his lips in a line and scratched his neck “One kiss, only one? Please”.

He was right. You hoped it was your last meeting and that no more ideas like this would came to your mind.

"Why would you want us to kiss again?" you asked folding your arms "It was just a hookup... I think you know it".

"I know it, so?"

You sighed rubbing your face with your hand trying to focus. Why would he want it to continue? He was supposed to get his things and go out through your doors without any strings attached and you are supposed to close this door and forget about love, boyfriends and all of this shit. But it might have been too simple, too ideal. As always nothing was going as it should have.

He came closer and grabbed your face waiting for your approval. You weren't sure if you should let him do it, maybe it wouldn't do any more harm. Just a small kiss. A peck. Nothing more.

You saw him lowering his head. You still hadn't made your decision contemplating in your mind if it was okay for you to kiss again.

“Hyun Woo…” you took his hands in yours and pulled it away “You should go now”.

It wasn't okay. Not with this state of mind.

"Nice play, baby".

You knew what he exactly meant. You let him come closer, let him believe he would have the chance to touch your lips last time and he was ready for it, but you stopped him. And he wasn't happy about it seeing his facial expression.

"Go, I mean it".

"Yeah, I should go".

You walked with him to your door, passing by flowers from him in a vase and the second he stepped out your flat you shut the door and locked it. It was wrong of you, but from the beginning it wasn't something serious so you allowed yourself for rudeness for once. You just set the boundary he must respected, that was it. Nothing you were guilty of.

You looked around your empty flat, it was almost midnight so it was likely in two or three hours Jungkook would come to your flat silently kicking off his shoes. Then he would bump once or twice on the wall as he wouldn't be sober and he would go back to his room to end his night. You covered your face feeling burning in your eyes, but you didn't allow the tears to fall down. It was your idea in the end, it didn't work, but at least you tried to burn down these feelings.

"Get over it" you mumbled to yourself and made your way back to your room.

You didn't fall asleep until you heard the sound of unlocking the door and clashing keys which gave you a comforting signal Jungkook came back home safely.

*

It was Sunday so it was odd that you were already on your feet picking your outfit. You grabbed your oversized, soft, beige sweatpants, tight, white camis and long socks in the same colour. This set made you desire to come back to your bed, but you were adamant to make use of the morning as you tend to wake up late during the weekend to make up for the lost sleep. Your courses weren't getting easier so your lifestyle was becoming more and more unhealthy each day. This was your day to relax and gain some energy for the rest of your afternoon and evening.

Mentally you were exhausted, mainly because of yesterday's night and the fact that Hyun decided not to let you forget he was present in your room and in your life. Firstly, he had left his undershirt under your night desk. Secondly, he texted you when he got back home and he was waiting for the reply. So it wasn't over yet, but you decided not to make something big out of it and you didn't even read the message from him and the garment he left was thrown into the trash bin under your sink. You had to take the garbage out, anyway.

You had taken your planner with you and made your way to the kitchen, where the first thing you did was to open the blinds to refresh yourself with sunbeams. Then you put the kettle on and made your favorite coffee to start the day.

You took a sip and then you started to scribble in your planner. Apart from your romantic failures you remembered well your other problems and sadly you had to take care of them too. Your finances were tight these month as you spent a good amount on your laptop that decided to log out from life this time forever. Of course you worked hard during summer to earn more money. If it hadn't been for your note-gathering device, you wouldn't have problem with budgeting, but well it was time to find yourself a casual work to pay the rent. Even if you split it between you and Jungkook the cost was still high as you were living almost in the city centre. You couldn't be still depended on your parents, though they still bankrolled you in some ways telling you it's they duty until you are still studying which you were grateful for.

It was almost nine when you finished planning your budget, ten when you finished eating your breakfast and Jungkook still didn't show up or at least leave his room to take a shower. He must have passed out drunk if he slept to this hour. If he was at Vixen's again, but you weren't sure if it was the place he went to. You cleaned your mess in the kitchen and grabbed a thick, long cardigan. You wanted to take a walk to clear up your head, but just before you left the place a black car had appeared in front of your block and you saw familiar faces approaching your doors.

"Hi, (Y/N)!" you discerned your roommate's friends Namjoon and Jimin at once, quite surprised they were here at this early our "Is Jungkook home?"

"I think he's still sleeping, but yes" you chuckled seeing him rolling his eyes "Were you supposed to meet with him now?" you asked folding your arms to warm yourself up as you overestimated the weather this time.

"Yes" Namjoon scratched his neck thinking heavily and put a question politely "Would you mind if we..."

"No, of course not" you knew right away what he wanted to ask and of course you didn't mind "Come in" you came back to your flat this time with two guys following you to the living room.

You didn't know each other well, but you believed Namjoon was the kindest and always starting the conversations with you. First time you two met, you were kind of uncomfortable as Jungkook also didn't tell you somebody would be with him, and you had been standing in your door in comfy pants and white crop-top with your famous pink slippers with big flamings on them. He wasn't judgmental, he had just smiled at you and started a chit-chat, while the rest of the group stayed in his car waiting for them to hurry up because they were already late for a birthday's party. You didn't meet Jimin in reality, you knew him from Jungkook's story and you sometimes checked his social media, but nothing more.

"I'm (Y/N), by the way" you said to a new guest.

"I know" he chuckled sitting on your legendary sofa "Namjoon showed me your profile and some photos. Sorry if it sounded creepy" he made himself clear right away after he had seen your confused expression.

You started grabbing Jungkook's things and yours so his friends could feel less overwhelmed by your small mess. His pads from the console and your DVD's that weren't even scratched after all these years of having them in your possession. They were a gift from your sister after she had moved out from city so it was no way you would damage them in any way.

"Sorry for the mess, he hasn't told me you were going to come" you explained and smiled at them having all these things in your hands.

"Just leave it, (Y/N)" Namjoon waved his arm at you "He could move his lazy ass too" you giggled, but did it anyway not wanting to leave the room in front of them looking like that.

"He'll get out soon guys" you informed as you heard a noise of opening doors from Jungkook's room and running water in a bathroom, so you guessed he had woken up and started getting ready "Do you want something to drink?" you asked and just before you took a step towards the kitchen your phone started buzzing.

"No, but thanks" they both replied so you let yourself take phone in your hands again this morning to check who was bothering your peace.

Another messages were waiting for you to open them and all of them were from Hyun Won, unfortunately he didn't give up. You looked at the display of notifications and rolled your eyes. He made quite sexual remarks in them so you would have hidden under the ground if someone had read them right now. You put your phone away, but it didn't stop giving out rings and sounds, which made you even more mad at yourself that you texted him first.

"Wow, it seems like someone desires your attention" Jimin winked at you with a playful smirk "Who's that?"

"Nobody, really" you answered his uncomfortable question knowing he didn't have anything bad in mind, you presumed he just wanted to have something you could talk about as you two just met "Just a... friend. I guess" you were getting lost in your words as you didn't know how to cover the subject without disclosing details to almost a stranger. You only trusted Gia with these matters, but this time you weren't sure if you would like to share it, even with her.

"Jungkook! Did you know your cute roommate has a boyfriend?" he shouted which met with Namjoon's deadly stare "I would check him out if I were you" he tried to hover over the table a take a look at your screen, but you took your phone immediately from reach of his sight.

"Jimin!" Namjoon pushed him back to the sofa, but his action was met with a loud laugh from intruder and you just blushed at the previous words heavily. You wanted to get out from here as quick as possible because no way you could handle his friends knowing how much impact Jungkook's topic had on you.

"Stop saying shit" you mumbled embarrassed to Jimin "It's not my boyfriend" you didn't know why you were even explaining yourself to him, it wasn't your obligation, but you wanted to make it clear so no gossips could travel to the ears of Jungkook's circle of friends.

"But soon to be one?"

"What did you read?" you raised your eyebrow quite angry with him inside.

"Not much, but enough to know what is going on" he winked at you in a friendly way.

"Oh, shut your mouth, Jimin" Namjoon slapped his head "You're making her uncomfortable".

It was really not okay to look at private text and of course you got mad until you reminded yourself that you did the same thing with Jungkook so you just sighed with a mild smile. You weren't going to be hypocrite.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have" he said to you still being in a good mood and trying not to beam too much "I was just kidding".

"It's okay, just..."

"Stop harassing my roommate, fuckers" Jungkook said entering the room "She pays half of my bills" he added.

He had in fact overheard the conversation, but didn't made out everything as running water muffled their voices. Despite strongly believing in his friends' ways with girls, he decided to hurry up as he didn't think leaving you to take care of them alone was a good idea since they were very specific. The first thing he was worried about was you getting overwhelmed by them and silly things they tended to say, the second one was Jimin's flirtatious nature that could effectively scare you off. It felt like it was his responsibility to keep his friends in check. Especially when you kindly welcomed them, although you could have ignored them and keep minding your own business. He didn't even blow-dry his hair.

"Talking about finances in lady's presence? Where are your manners?" he was met with a snarky comment.

"Fuck off, Jimin".

"You look like shit, man" Namjoon changed the topic and it seemed like he noticed his unhealthy appearance too, but Jungkook answered nothing not wanting to raise a subject in your presence and you noticed it right away.

"Morning" he murmured towards you with a soft voice and you just smiled sadly in return which he didn't catch as he turned back taking his energetic from the fridge "You can throw them out the door next time. You have my allowance".

"Thanks, Jungkook" you saw Jimin folding his arms "I love being your friend, seriously".

"And I don't" Jeon opened the can and shrugged his shoulders looking at you "Make them wait, don't bother to even get up".

"I wouldn't do that, you know it" you shook your head and bended down to put your mug to the dishwasher.

Jungkook watched you carefully as you lower down your body.

Your white cami had a large neckline so it exposed your chest even more when you leaned down giving him the full view of your breast and even the scratch of your light pink bra. Both of the garments had a lace on them so it gave him girly vibes which in his opinion suited you well. He licked his lips hooking against his ring. To him, you came as a the nicest girl who couldn't hurt even a fly and he liked your presence and he? He was the opposite, which kind of prevented him unconsciously from bending with you or creating any relationship apart from being your friend. It was sufficient regarding his ways. Jungkook was a heavy partier, you were stay-at-home person, at least he had such a view of you and it wasn't something negative. He was just attractive to different type of girls and he liked their attention and that there was no drama in his life because both sides knew what they were signing for. With you it would be completely another story, he would have to go out of his comfort zone if he had something in mind with you. Relationships were something new to him and he didn't want to explore it.

But when he noticed some red marks on your breast which had signs of trying helplessly to cover them with some concealer his mind went numb. The hickeys on your soft body which he discovered by accident didn't get slipped through his sight and then he connected the dots. The flowers in the foyer, your tired expression and signs of sex on your skin. Were you with some guy yesterday when he wasn't home? He got lost in thoughts. He wasn't sure, because when he came back all the lights were down and there was silence so he knew you were asleep or at least laying in your room.

Maybe naked, which kind of turned him on and made him feel guilty.

But it couldn't be, right? He didn't catch any tracks of a guest or maybe he was just too drunk to notice them. Moreover, you never invited anyone to your house and he didn't either to respect each other spaces and boundaries. And you didn't have a boyfriend, but maybe something changed. He felt something weird inside, like a small, mischievous sting which was enough to bother him in some ways.

He let it go with a frowned expression on his face. It wasn't his business whether you were dating somebody, it shouldn't be at least, but when he heard the scream from the living room about you having somebody and Jimin's remark about you being cute he got irritated and rapidly put his boxers on to get out from the bathroom. He was going crazy, he thought madly about himself.

"You good?" Namjoon asked waking him up from his thoughts.

"Huh?" he looked at him realizing you were no longer present in the kitchen.

"You didn't answer her".

"Answer who?"

"(Y/N)" Jimin rolled his eyes and laid himself on the kitchen island having changed the previous place "She said goodbye to you".

Jungkook opened his lips as he got taken aback at first but quickly got himself together not to give his friends something to talk about. Was he really so lost in his thoughts? About you? He let out an angry sigh, he must have got himself together because he thought it was stupid of him to think about his roommate's love life and adding himself to its story. Jungkook didn't even know you well and the only thing he cared about was going to parties and get drunk. Although, he must admitted he liked Friday's evenings with you, it was something different from his routine. Something refreshing that managed to slow down his peace of life. He was always running enjoying his twenties not wanting to sit down for a minute being scared of losing his fun time and thanks to you Jungkook could have a moment of rest.

"I haven't heard" he admitted with a casual, not caring type of voice "Not a big deal, I'll see her later" but inside he hoped you didn't think of it as a insult or that he didn't want to talk with you.

"You watched her boobs then you didn't answer her and now you say it's not a big deal, huh?" Jimin put it bluntly and laughed with the oldest "Are you stupid or me?"

Me, Jungkook answered in his head with a twist. That was so wrong of him to think about you like that.

"We're not blind" Namjoon added sensing Jungkook was faking it "I mean, I wouldn't judge you. She is attractive, but apparently not free".

Not free. So perhaps you had a boyfriend which he didn't know about, but he convinced himself he couldn't care less.

"Fuck it" he took his gym bag from the foyer "She's just my roommate, not my interest. Let's go".

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts #feeling unreciprocated #jungkook imagine #bts imagines

[desertfangs]

Through the Garden Gate [AO3] Lestat/Daniel - Explicit - 4,459

Not long after Tale of the Body Thief, Lestat and Daniel talk about Lestat's body swap and how Daniel worries his relationship with Armand is falling apart.

I wrote this in kind of a flash of inspiration but I figured I might as well post it now, since I'll be posting a lot of stuff in February for fandom events and don't know when I'll get around to it otherwise.

I really just love Lestat and Daniel having deep conversations and I think Daniel tends to ask the best questions. They are my BROTP with benefits and I know some of y'all love them as much as I do, so I hope you like this!

Brief excerpt:

“Is it true that you swapped bodies with a mortal?” Daniel had been burning to ask about it since Lestat first jumped him in Pirate Alley, and the question tumbled out almost immediately after they sat at the small bar table. 

A storm of emotion passed over Lestat’s face. “I did.” 

Daniel leaned closer, across the small bar table between them. “What was it like?” 

“What do you think? Incredible. Messy. Uncomfortable. Amazing.” Lestat shook his head. “Impossibly strange. But it had been hundreds of years since I’d known mortal urges, mortal discomfort.”

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” Daniel laughed slightly. Mortal discomfort—aches and pains and hangovers and head colds—had been the bane of his existence during his last mortal years. He’d been in his early thirties and yet already his body had changed so much. Sleeping at the wrong angle could ruin him for days. 

“Not entirely. There were good things.” Lestat smiled, but it didn’t reach his blue gray eyes, which were trained on his martini glass full of blue curaçao and vodka. “The taste of wine. The sun.” 

Daniel reached across the table and touched Lestat’s hand, which was a rich, tan color, like the rest of his skin. “And how did this happen?” 

Lestat sighed. “I had a moment of weakness and went into the Gobi desert. It’s not important now.” 

Daniel snorted. “Yeah, clearly. Are you okay?” 

Lestat waved a hand and then his magnificent, winning smile returned. “How did you hear about my last misadventure anyway? I’m still working on the book.” 

Daniel sat back against the booth and tapped his fingers on the table, keenly aware of the pack of cigarettes in his pocket. “Louis wrote a very concerned letter about the whole affair.” 

Lestat frowned. “To you?” 

Daniel flushed. “To Armand. Sent to Night Island. I stopped by to check on the house and I opened the mail.” He hadn’t thought much of it at the time—he and Armand often treated each other’s things as if they were their own, which was perhaps a bad habit, but it had always worked for them. Once he’d read it, he’d felt a bit like he’d overstepped, and he’d tucked the letter away to give to Armand next time he saw him.

“And where is that impish maker of yours, hm?” Lestat asked. “Where are you two living these days?” 

“Barcelona, for now,” Daniel said. “Assuming he’s still there when I get back.” 

Lestat smirked. “Trouble in paradise?” 

“You could say that.” Daniel thought of Armand’s hardened expression, his cold kiss against Daniel’s cheek as he’d left. The icy atmosphere of the flat they shared. Daniel fiddled with the plastic sword that held an olive and onion in his cocktail, stirring it around the drink. “He’s gotten so damn volatile. The smallest thing sets off these terrible fights. Or worse, he gets quiet and sullen and avoids me. To be honest, I prefer the fighting.” 

Armand had barely said a word when he’d left. Daniel had been pushed past all reason and needed a break, so he’d offered to go check on The Night Island, an errand they did from time to time as they traveled around in hopes that some new location might fix all their problems. 

In truth, he’d hoped Armand would come with him. Maybe being home again for a few days would rekindle something, give them some perspective. But Armand had simply wished him bon voyage, without so much as a suggestion he didn’t want him to go, and now Daniel was procrastinating going back.

“He and Louis could teach a masterclass in administering the silent treatment,” Lestat said morosely. He stabbed the cherry in his drink with his own plastic sword, a little green one, and then let it drop, blue liquid splashing out of the glass.

Read the Rest on AO3

#lestat de lioncourt #daniel molloy #lestat/daniel #armand/daniel #armand #tale of the body thief #post-totbt #vc fanfic #vc fic #tvc #vc #vampire chronicles #the vampire chronicles #my favorite brotp with benes #it's been a minute since i wrote anything i liked with them and then this just kind of poured out #idk it happens like that sometimes

[simonsaysbark]

Notzmo Simon Sez "Simon"

7/14/08 - 10/28/23

There's all these things I want to write.

I'm struggling. I'm a better writer than a speaker, but I'm going to ramble. Lots of words, and somehow, it's not even close to being enough.

Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted a Blue Merle dog. I know. I know. I'm going to get all my show friends and dog friends who shake their heads and say color doesn't matter. I know it doesn't, but- it did for me. It does. I love merles, I love how they look like fog in the woods on a Pacific Northwest Morning. They're swirls of grey and black with pops of tan or muted gold, all different patches. I adored them from afar. I grew up with an Old English Sheepdog, we had friends with merle Aussies and other merle dogs and man, did I covet them as a little girl. However my dog life went a direction I didn't forsee, to German Shepherds. Search and Rescue was my thing, my GSD's were wonderful at it, but the shop kinda took over my time. I showed Shepherds too, enjoyed that, but Matt wanted something a little smaller in the house.

So I did my research. I talked to folks, met dogs, and Corgis fit our lifestyle and our household. Cardigans especially. I could live with that, I've had herding dogs my whole life, they're a big dog with a giant heart and work ethic but with short legs. They had all the things I loved about Shepherds, and not so much of the things I sure can live without.

Plus they came in merle. Geninuely merle, a true pattern of the breed.

We ended up with two rescue Pems from rough beginnings, but man, I still wanted that Cardigan. I don't think I've ever told my Cardi folks how I sneakily went to dog shows, tried talking to some of the breeders a bit around my area. Most of them didn't have time those days. Me? I was too worried about making a mistake or being rude, coming across badly, and I was also hyper aware of how busy folks are at them and didn't want to push. I guess that was okay. Universe testing me, do you really want this breed? I did. The more I was around the ones I saw, the more I loved them.

So, I sent out a whole lot of email inquiries to folks, with pictures of my German Shepherds, with what a story of, what I did, that I showed, I trained. I think I had pictures of my dogs and my fenced yard, haha. I admit, I'm a little terrified to cold call folks, it's- it's hard for me. I told them I was willing to wait for the right dog to come along. I wanted something healthy, I wanted them to maybe try doing SAR or some dog sport, I wanted to try showing, but- I wanted a blue merle too. Years were fine. If I'm to be honest no one really answered, but I was patient and kept trying. Then I heard from Dona and Sharon, who-- had a litter and a pup that might fit what I wanted. It was way earlier than I expected but I was game. I told them, I loved working dogs, I love thinking dogs, I plan on doing all these things with my dog.

They picked him out for me, and he was everything they said he was right down to when I first met him at the airport and took him home, he snuggled and was calm and observant to everything, confident and thoughtful about his new life. He then snatched his leash in his mouth when I put him down on the lawn and took himself for his walk. I'd been warned he did that. He did it his whole life; he would carry his leash for the first few steps of every walk, just to let you know if he really wanted to, he could yank it out of your hand and do it himself just fine, thanks. He was housebroken in an instant. He only slept in a crate by the bed for less than a month before we found him curled up asleep in the big dog bed at bedtime and took a chance on him staying out and he was oddly perfect. I kept waiting for the terrible rotten teenage stages, but no. Simon never put a foot wrong, you could trust him flat out the house. He never made a mess or got into anything he wasn't supposed to. Period. Never chewed a single thing that wasn't for chewing. He played with my huge Shepherd, brave as could be.

And oh gosh. He loved toys. He loved fetch. Fetch. Ball. Ball. Ball. He was more focused and driven than some of my working line Shepherds I have owned. Way more.

I took a few pictures, posted them for myself on my blog that I'd had the Shepherds on... and was like huh, the camera really likes this little guy.

Little did I know what I'd let out of the box. Once he found that camera though, that was it. Folks ask all the time, did I give him treats? Did I train him to pose? Nope. Never. Not for pictures. I sure encouraged it, but to be honest, his reward was going out and posing on stuff and knowing he was awesome, throwing out his chest and strutting around Seattle like he owned it, taking walks in the woods and the crags and mountains, running through streams and dirt. Mud and filth and full tilt, but you never had to worry about him getting into trouble out there. He stuck close, and always kept an eye on where I was, even as a pup.

Simon snored in the bed. In the middle of the night he'd squish himself as close as possible, put his muzzle over my neck and his heavy, stubby leg over my shoulder and drool. He loved to cuddle. Cake was his favorite special treat in the world. His eyes would get like saucers over cake. I've shared so many dog friendly cakes. You could ask him if he wanted a bath and he'd make a decision on the spot, yes or no and hop himself in the tub on his own accord, which always made me laugh. He could swim like a otter.

I made so many friends from blogs and places that are long gone on the internet. Was overjoyed when I met other Cardigan folks on photo sites and blogs, because at the time you really... you didn't see them at all. Our online photo blog secret Cardi society and all that. My photography hobby and skill improved with him in massive leaps and bounds.

He was an internet star with followers before the net blew up into what it is now. I've thought about that over the years and to be honest, I'm glad it was that way because I got to know so many people on a one to one basis. We never did things specifically for money or fame like I see a lot of now. His fan base was organic and loved him just because he was a funny, expressive, and cool dog. Most of you who follow me didn't start following me for me, and I like that.

It was such a shock to me but a good one - I'm a bit quiet, but here I own this dog that's as extroverted as it gets, and it worked out. I was his faithful Nikon Paparazzi, he was my famous good looking actor. We would go places and people I never met before would ask me about my dog. He was a fantastic breed ambassador. People loved to hear what he was and learn about Cardigans. Many folks randomly recognized him from his blog, from Tumblr, from Flickr. I had people lean out of car windows or walk by us and snap a picture of him. Once I wasn't paying attention and he stopped mid stride when we were out in Seattle, and I nearly fell over him. As I managed to keep my feet (I said some naughty words, heh) I realized that I'd never saw the man leaning out the window with the phone camera in hand at the light by the theater snapping a shot. Simon sure did, and he was chest out, ears up, until the car behind the guy honked and the guy hastily waved at us and went on.

He helped me meet Cardi people, get involved in the breed with folks. I credit his presence for so many of my friends in this breed that I adore and who mean the world to me in Cardidom. Who helped me learn to show again after I lost my eye and was even more stressed about public moments because I didn't want to drop a dog on the floor off the table, or miss a cue. A big blue icebreaker. He oozed charm. He knew he was all that, but in the way that he didn't have to be in your face. Lady dogs loved him, it always cracked me up because he surprisingly wasn't into the girls. He was so easy to deal with around the ladies, and always polite to them. He'd give up food, treats, anything and was a gentleman- well, except when a ball was involved. (Dearest Kate... I'm sorry he ran into you like a Mack truck that one time we were all out playing. We all heard his big noggin crack into you like a football helmet, and he about laid you flat. I hope you get a chance to knock some sense into him in return, in that place where all good dogs go.)

Simon tried showing, because I wanted a show dog to show. To be honest, he has a few points but he never enjoyed it like Caleb. It really wasn't for him. He did it for me, because I wanted it, but his big ol' heart was in agility and fetching things and photographs. His second to final time in the ring still cracks me up to this day. I used a flat collar for agility and photo stuff and a thin chain for conformation. Well, I was in a hurry. I was late to the show, running to find my ring, so I left the flat on him. We whisked by the agility ring and he was totally on his toes and excited and happy and I was like "no, come on, let's GO." Oh boy. That was a mistake. He eyed me, eyed the ring, and gave me an absolute stink look. Simon has always been the sort to tell you he's not amused. He never pulled a punch when he thought you were being unfair. I was an idiot and blew him off because I was running on ring-jitters and coffee and panic because that's what you do sometimes.

So he got in the ring, he's on his toes and looking like a million bucks, gaits, moves out, stacks beautifully on the table and I'm like wow, wow, awesome, she's looking at us and he's showing off for everything he's worth. The judge moves us to the front of our class for the final go around and as we turn the corner in front of the judge's table, Simon looks up at me with an open mouthed sly smile, and I'm like "oh oh." I know I'm in trouble.

Without missing a beat he passes the judge's table right as she watches us go by, hikes his leg as high and obvious as he could and pretends to pee all over it, in mid-stride. He never peed a drop. Like in my horror and shock I kept looking- and there was not anything there. He made full on eye contact with the judge as he was faking it, that rotter.

Needless to say, we uh... well, we were dismissed without uh, getting dismissed, haha. As we left the ring, I looked down at him, he looked up at me and laughed as big as he could, tongue lolling, grin to his ears. He laid it out as clear as he could, and all I could do was walk away to find a place to sit with him, put his big head in my hands and say to him, "Yup. I screwed up. Sorry." He sat and eyed me and then I just laughed and laughed because he was absolutely right. I was rude, I made the mistake. It was my fault, and I apologized and he laughed with me, slurped me, and I was instantly forgiven. He never held a grudge with you for messing up. He really didn't. I never held a grudge with him, because most of the time it wasn't his fault, and when it was, he also apologized. He was easy that way.

That was our relationship in a nutshell. I love my dogs, I love all my dogs but Simon was different, he was as near-human as it gets. I hate saying dogs are human because I think- well, I think it takes away from the dogness that makes the amazing animals that they are. They aren't human, and that's important to respect... but in his case I'll make that exception to myself. I can't explain it. You could ask him to do something new to him, show him what you wanted, and he'd mull it over in his head and problem solve it. Food wasn't a motivator. Ball surprisingly wasn't his motivator either. It was the task, the thing, the puzzle of working the problem out. That's what he enjoyed more than anything. I wish I could say it was me as this amazing dog trainer. Nope. Nada. I've taught a whole lot of dogs to do a whole lot of things, but Simon was a whole other level. I've never had one like him. I'm pretty sure I'll never have one again.

He could do the funniest thing with his feet. Like, when he was just walking around the house he'd shuffle along the floor. You'd hear him scuffling his claws tik-a-ticka, tick-a-ticka. He was lazy and didn't care if you heard him. But- when he wanted to be a ninja, he could pull up his claws and walk effortless on his pads somehow, he was a master of stealth on the hardwood floors and you'd never know he'd gone by. Mostly so could open the gate and climb the cat posts and steal dry cat food in a heartbeat. Even when he was older and couldn't really climb like he used to, he'd stop every time through the back room and wait for his token piece of cat food on the way in from outside. I'd say "One cat food please?" and give him his tribute; only then would he trot out and let me shut the gate. He waited patiently for all the dogs here to leave their bowls and wander off after dinner and then he'd go grab them and stack them in a pile carefully within each other so that he could possibly get one extra crumb that might have been left behind.

He was supposed to be my dog, and he was, he loved me and would do anything for me, but he was Matt's buddy (even if he NEVER listened to him or heeled when walking with him, he'd drag him all over the place and it was both hilarious and awful but hey, that was between men, doing manly things.) He tested anyone who held his leash. It was a game for him, he would look over at me to say, heh, watch this. He found it amusing to see if someone else would actually ask him to mind his manners, and if they did, he would but if you didn't? Game on. He'd never try it with me though. He always loved men more than women when we were out and about. He desired those locker room thumps on the chest and the shoulder, not baby talk, coos, little scritches behind his ears. They watched the Patriots and the Seahawks together since Simon was a tiny puppy. Football season was his thing. Ball ball ball, on tv, to fetch, to play and amuse himself for hours.

I've never shared the last coherent words Matt said to me to a lot of people. I'm sharing them now because I'm sort of laid bare, but I've thought about them for years. It wasn't I love you, or anything like that. We didn't need to say that, because it had been said so many times while he was in hospice. That was understood. It was, "I'm glad for one thing. I won't be here when Simon... goes."

I understood that too. Our weekends of Simon, Caleb, cameras, and outings were such a special and happy part of our lives. Matt was the driver, the equipment wrangler, the one who found weird out of the way places for us to take pictures and then to eat weird food out in the middle of nowhere. He always got a dessert he could share with Si (Caleb isn't really a sweet-toothed dude.) Something we all loved.

Simon knew Matt was gone. He knew. He was depressed and sad and nothing I could say or do or take him out to play could change it. The other dogs adapted, changed, but for months, he kept looking for him. Simon loved me with everything he was and still loved to go out and take pictures with me, but I was not his football buddy, I was not his fellow sports fan. It was when my younger brother moved in with me for a while during the pandemic that changed things again. Simon adored my brother, and when my brother went away on a trip for a week, his anxiety went high. When he came back though, Simon looked at me and I said, "Yep, he'll come back. It's okay, it's not the same." That was it. That's all he needed and it was like a huge sigh and off he went, and was completely okay again after that. He never worried again. My brother is surprisingly not a pet person, but he loved Simon with all of his heart and offered to take him if something happened to me. That was huge. Thanks, bro. I know you meant it and it was a relief for me to know that in case of the unthinkable, he'd be with someone who appreciated him for who he was, obnoxious Simon barking moments and all.

Also, my brother taught him the dumbest game. Shuffling through the kitchen dragging him along as his front paws gripped your feet, splooted with his stubby legs trailing behind him. Not so much thanks for that to my brother- Simon wanted this game every morning before I had coffee. I blearily scooted him every across the kitchen floor morning because while the other dogs rushed outside to pee like normal dogs, Simon would hold it until he had his sliding fun first.

On one hand, he was this hard hitting, incredible working beast of a dog. People would say, "I want a dog like Simon." Well, no, most folks don't. There are very few people who would have loved living with him. Most of them just saw cute pictures and Simon posing. In the wrong home, he would have been terrible, and there were times he was tough to live with - I'm the first to admit it. For me, he was perfect. I loved his drive, his intuition, his bravery, his intelligence, but he never stopped during his whole life and I am grateful he was sharp as ever and still galloping along for the last years. He was as busy and active as he ever was to the end.

He wasn't easy sometimes around other strange dogs. Like, he didn't take crud from anyone or anything. If you were polite, he was polite and shook hands and moved along without fuss, but if you were rude or aggressive (even to another dog, not him) nope. He had no problem laying the law down. Was he fair about it? Absolutely, but he was serious. He did not ever appreciate an in your space, jumping up, untrained dog in the slightest, and had no tolerance for it. People who let unleashed dogs run up to us on a walk were eyed with a side eye and you could see him blow up and hear the low rumble- and if the dog got nasty... oof. Once during a photo session on the beach, Caleb - who was just lying right next to me and not engaging anything - got attacked by a awful loose dog who charged up on us. The owner was completely oblivious and yelling oh, he's friendly. (Of course, right?)

Caleb's no fighter, he just rolled over and was shrieking and being shaken. Simon was playing in the water out from us a bit and while I had dove in, trying to get the dog off of Caleb, Si came in so fast and so hard and so silent he slammed that dog easily twice his size off his feet and knocked him back from us. Simon absolutely thrashed that dog. To this day I swear he teleported. However, he sent that obnoxious dog running for their life and immediately stopped and came back to check on us, standing between us and the dog while staring bullets and laser eyes at it as it went running away back to mommy in the distance.

Simon loved cats though. Adored cats. Cats were his thing. He was the crazy cat dad dog. He would have loved it if we adopted a million cats and he was the one to decide we were keeping his Sophie, period. We had no say in that. She was his kitty, and has been all these years. Kittens, cats, ferals, non ferals, bottle babies, random barn cats, some strange cat on the street, it didn't matter. He loved them all. He never met a cat he didn't like, and cats liked him back. Or at least tolerated him more than most dogs. Even my mom's cat Rudy, who is uh, hard to like. Simon would let a cat hiss, spit, snarl, swipe and all he did was turned his head and waited for them to come to the conclusion that he wasn't dangerous. He raised so many foster kittens for me and taught them to be dog friendly. He adored puppies too. He was the best babysitter, and a combination of fair discipline and goofy play. He was the gentlest dog with food and treats, he had the softest mouth of any dog I've ever owned, he never once snapped at a treat or a person. You could hand him a dollop of frosting and he'd lick it off your fingers ever so carefully. He never got upset at a vet or someone trying to handle him, he was gracious about it.

Like I said, Simon rarely held grudges. Caleb holds grudges at the drop of a hat (oh boy does he ever) but I promise he usually forgets in a week or two. Simon? Not at all with the ones he loved. That's one of the reasons that these two boys have been together all these years so well. Other dogs would have probably buried Caleb in the backyard at times when his stripeyship wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. Sure, they postured, they puffed, sometimes they threw a punch and went to get a beer after, like good ol' boys do, but Simon forgave Caleb for being a doofus and Caleb got away with being a doofus because Simon knew Caleb never meant anything by all of his bluster. We never had a serious drag out fight between them even with girls in season.

Simon adored Caleb and Caleb loved Simon. They were just fine being apart, they weren't attached at the hip, but Simon loved Caleb like you love your little brother and also can sit on him when he's being unreasonable. He was so delighted when we apparently got him his own puppy, and he was a puppy himself at the time. Once after Caleb had been out for a while with a handler to finish his Championship, we went and picked him after like four months. By that time Caleb had been a big shot on an all girl campus and thought he was all that and a bag of chips. Stripey red dog's ego was running high, and Simon was just lying in the back of the car eyeing him with a quiet sigh, like he expected him to chill out anytime soon.

Finally after maybe half an hour of Caleb being unbearably snarky, Simon got up, leaned over, and grabbed Caleb's muzzle in his mouth. He held onto it as if to say "That's enough of that, bro. Manners." He never broke skin, he never hurt him. Just a brotherly dog dope slap.

Caleb realized in one shining lightbulb moment that he was headed back home, and he was way too big for his britches. Just like that, over and done, all was back to being pals. Simon let go, licked him on the head, and they slept in a pile all the way home.

In the end, there's only one thing I weirdly regret a little. Simon's photos won every category in the photo contest at Nationals... except Best In Show. Surprisingly, that was on Caleb and Tempe, but-- I think it's fitting. Si loved his pack here with all of his heart, and I guess he was like eh, they can have that one moment, why not. He was always generous with his toys and treats for the most part with his family of dogs. Except ball. Nope, all balls and toys all belonged to him.

I once went to Seattle with a wonderful friend of mine, Paige. We were taking some photos of Simon and her Cardigan Story. It was chilly and we ducked into a spot by the Bon, I think, to get out of the wind for a second. This young woman came up and asked us about the dogs. When we said their names she looked at us and said, "Simon? THE Simon? From Tumblr?"

Sure. The Simon. Yep. When she realized who it was she erased her friend's wedding pictures off of her phone so she could take pictures of him and herself for her dad who was also a huge fan. (This was when phones had limited storage, so it was a big deal.) I don't know if you're out there on on the net or follow us still, but... I want you to know that's made me smile all these years. Paige and I were walking back when she turned to me and said "I- all these people, know who he is here. Wow. I didn't think when you wrote about it- I was like, huh, no, that can't be real. I thought you were kidding."

I still run into people out there in the wild like that. It tickles me as much as it did the first time.

The Simon.

That sums him up. I have had a lot of dogs. He- he wasn't a dog. Well, he was, because yes, he did dog things, like pushed a chair across a room to pee on my kitchen table once as a young dog because he hated a Cardgian statue I'd placed on it. He ran off with an admiring posse of Cardi girls at a friend's house who showed him the grossest mud ever and rolled in it until he was black. It turned to concrete on his coat and stunk the back of my car up so bad we had to strip everything out because it smelled like swamp on hot days for months. He barked at full volume at the top of his lungs at the drop of a hat just to hear his own voice to the point where sometimes his name felt like Simon Shut Up, Dude. He fetched like a maniac. He loved his jolly balls until they turned into strips and refused the new ones until he had no choice but to give in and then he loved those to scraps. Also, he barked. He had to tell you every single day of his life about how his day was. Did I mention he barked? I think so.

He had the best bork. A roaring superbark from his chest, like a dog ten times his size. He used it all the time. It's so quiet right now here. It'll be quiet when we get up in the morning from now on, and when I come home from work because he led the morning chorus we're awake joy bark, and the evening song of you're home joy bark, and his bark was always one trumpeting about every thing he did. Simon Sez.

He was my best friend. I loved him. With everything I am, and the dogs and cats here loved him too. I'm absolutely shattered right now, and I have so much more I could say, but this is long and I need to stop because I could go on forever. Fifteen years with a friend and all the ups and downs and roads we've traveled and experiences we've had can't be summed in a Facebook post, but I've done the best I can. The short pack and I don't know what to do this morning. This is a huge hole- no, a chasm. I don't think it's the sort you ever fill up.

Thank you to Dr. Bill Larson and his wonderful staff took incredible care of him all these years from puppy until now, and all the other amazing vets and specialists who ever worked with him and kept him healthy and happy.

Thank you Sharon, thank you Dona, for trusting me with Simon for all these years and always checking in on us and being proud of your grandpup. I can't ever say thank you enough for taking a chance on me for my first Cardigan. I like to say we sometimes don't get the dogs we want, but we always get the ones we need. However, he was everything I could have ever wanted and needed in one wonderful dog. I'm ever so grateful for the fact that until the very last minute, he was active and playing and sharp as a tack.

Thank you, all of you who shared his life with me. So many of you love Cardigans or found Cardigans as a breed because of him. I can name a lot of you, and I appreciate from the bottom of my heart hearing all these stories of your dogs and your life with them. These wonderful dogs deserve it. There is no other breed I want in my life.

Thank you, Si for everything. Everything.

You were one of a kind. The absolutely perfect crazy blue merle dog that my inner little kid could have ever, ever wished for.

#simon #cardigan corgi #merle #corgi #dog #you were the best #puppy #corgi puppies #corgis of tumblr #blue merle #caleb

[zukadiary]

Anastasia (Umeda Arts, 2023)

I’m flattered that the overwhelming response to my poll was to bring back reviews :D Since I posted that, Takarazuka has unfortunately been involved in a terrible tragedy (additional information here). I may review the Takarazuka performances I was able to see at a later date, but at the moment I’m going to take some space from doing so.

In the meantime, a very bright spot in a long-awaited trip otherwise filled with multiple bouts of shocking news was the Broadway musical Anastasia, featuring Asami Hikaru (my ご贔屓, kamioshi, bias to end all biases, for those who joined during COVID and somehow missed this) amidst a rather star-studded cast. Getting to see Anastasia was quite special, not only because it’s been 4 1/2 years since I was last able to travel to Japan and see Komu, but also because I HAD tickets to the original Spring 2020 run before, well, you know (not to mention the ruined plans to see fave #2 as the same role in the tkz version). On top of that, it was good.

The Broadway version of Anastasia follows two con men in post-revolution Russia, Dmitri and Vlad, who, amidst rumors that Anastasia Romanov has somehow survived the execution of the rest of the royal family, accidentally find the real one while auditioning actresses to pretend to be her for reward money.

Given that my bias to end all biases taidan’d 17 years ago, I’ve seen my fair share of Japanese theater outside of Takarazuka in my quest to spend as much time in her presence as humanly possible. Usually, I find the non-OG cast members (especially men!!) unimpressive to the point of superfluousness. Imagine my shock when I found myself raising my opera glasses when Komu wasn’t even on stage.

Ranking!!

Anya: Aoi Wakana / Kinoshita Haruka

Anya is a poor street sweeper with amnesia who has a feeling SOMEONE is waiting for her in Paris (turns out it’s her grandmother, the dowager empress). I was supposed to see each actress twice, but due to the flu making its rounds through the cast, I ended up seeing Wakana three times and Haruka only once… which is unfortunate, because Haruka is an absolute powerhouse, and Wakana is a TV actress. The cast lineup for my first of four viewings was absolutely flawless, and I wish it had been the finale instead (especially because I was in shock from Sora taidan dropping like 3 hours prior to curtain). Haruka has a Broadway-quality voice, and her acting not only made sense, but also lacked that peculiar anime-like delivery that most of the Japanese actors I’ve seen have in spades (IYKYK). Although perhaps she returned from flu recovery too quickly and didn’t have her whole voice, Wakana’s singing wasn’t really up to the challenge of the role; all of Anya’s big solo’s were rendered anticlimactic by very flat long notes. I also found her acting to be over the top and desperate, whereas Haruka’s was quite nuanced.

Dmitri: Kaiho Naoto / Aiba Hiroki / Utsumi Akiyoshi

Dmitri is the romantic lead, something of a street urchin who starts off by hatching a moneymaking scheme to produce a fake Anastasia, and ultimately gives it all up after falling in love with Anya. I got to see Kaiho and Aiba, and to be honest, the only reason I’m not mad I had to see Aiba once is because that day Kaiho Naoto was Gleb. I know I am very late to this party, but this was the first time I got to see Kaiho Naoto live, and hooooooooooo boy. That man’s voice gave me chills, he acts like a normal person and not a cartoon, and his facial expressions are SO dynamic. His fans in the FIRST ROW had their opera glasses up, and now I take back making fun of them in my head. Incredible casting choice for Dmitri; he did an amazing job going through the full range of emotions and showing character growth, plus he looked so good in that scruffy little outfit. Tbh, marry me (Aiba on the other hand was an anime boy made flesh and blood and I can’t say I cared for it).

Vlad: Osumi Kenya / Ishikawa Zen

Vlad is Dmitri’s old man friend, a former aristocrat and adulterous lover to Lily. This one is slightly less cut and dry because both actors had their merits, but alas, I’m a big Ishikawa Zen fan. Osumi Kenya is a dancer and Zen is not, and that was quite apparent in any scene with choreography. Other than that, I quite preferred Zen’s knockout voice, nuanced acting, and overflowing kindness. He’s irl bffs with Komu, so I found his Vlad’s chemistry with Lily to be more compelling; but he also integrated himself seamlessly into each cast, despite that I imagine it’s tricky to get the best possible rapport going when the roles are changing all the time. Osumi definitely gave his Vlad quite a bit of enjoyable energy and unique flair, but ultimately, I thought his Vlad was a bit over the top (he’d be a huge hit in a kids’ show), and he seemed to be acting next to rather than with the rest of the cast.

Gleb: Kaiho Naoto / Douchin Yoshikuni / Tashiro Mario

Gleb, a Bolshevik general trying to fill the shoes of his father who relished executing the Romanov family, is the villain of the show. I was SUPPOSED to see all three Glebs, and I’m quite sad I didn’t, but the flu took Tashiro Mario. I ended up seeing Douchin three times and Kaiho once. This is REALLY HARD, and it’s likely impossible to separate out my feelings toward Kaiho’s Gleb in isolation, because Dmitri, without Kaiho in the role, was not compelling, so the overall impact of the show was less on the not-Douchin day. Kaiho showed up again with the voice that gives you chills, and while his performance throughout most of the show was a bit more low-key, his final scene, in which he attempts to get Anya to admit she’s playing around and return to Russia lest he be forced to shoot her on the spot if she is in fact the real Anastasia, was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING UNHINGED (spit flying everywhere, no wonder everyone got sick). Douchin, however, also has quite a powerful voice, and I think overall he did a better job of coming off as creepy and weird. He was awkward in kind of an is-this-guy-ok way, his barely concealed feelings for Anya were both clearer and more unsettling, and he felt believably indoctrinated into an ideology vs. just this is the villain because we said he’s the villain. His slick, jet-black hair and choice to wear light blue colored contacts also really enhanced the evil image. I really regret not getting to see Tashiro Mario, but I think my ever so slight preference here is Douchin just because his presence balanced the rest of the cast.

Lily: Asami Hikaru / Marcia / Horiuchi Keiko

Lily is the dowager empress's lady-in-waiting, a former countess who, in her younger days, cheated on her boring husband with Vlad and is currently tending to the dowager empress in refugee-laden Paris. LBR, I didn’t fly across the world to see the other two (although 3 or so days into my trip there was a SCARE where Komu was announced out with an injury, and I thought I might have to… but she recovered in time for my first show!). Ohhhh it was so nice, I missed her more than my COVID-era complacence led me to believe. Lily was a very fun and pleasant Komu role for me. Homegirl is 51 now (don’t talk to me) and fresh taidansha like Tamaki Ryou are getting the heroines she played a decade and a half ago, but Lily isn’t exactly someone’s mom either. She’s funny, and sassy, and wears sick costumes, and has DANCE NUMBERS! Which she did without looking injured at all! With the exception of like 20 seconds in the prologue, Lily does not appear at all until Act 2, but Act 2 is very juicy. I think I liked the look-Vlad’s-back tango even better than her piano-top nightclub solo, but both were utterly delightful. She also has great chemistry with her Yukigumi top senpai Asami Rei, comfortable yet reverent (just like in real life!). I juuuUUUUuuUUUUuuuSsstttt wish they would lower the key for her… just a little… as a treat.........

Dowager Empress Maria: Asami Rei (more like Asami SLAY)

Y’all… seeing Asami Rei live has BEEN on my bucket list, and the experience did not disappoint. Her voice may be going, but it’s completely age appropriate, and she could have done literally anything up on that stage without it ruining the impact of her presence. I legit inadvertently gasped "mother" into my mask when she made her appearance in a black and silver bejeweled gown to attend the ballet… serving boatloads of charisma uniqueness nerve and talent at 73, to say the least.

The ensemble was also a force and the songs were expertly directed, giving the whole show a stunning sound that has been rare in my experience with Japanese musicals (part vocal talent, part book made for Broadway). The play-within-a-play scene at the ballet was genuinely impressive (it's been a while since I've seen a man jump that high). All in all, a treat to watch!

#reviews #anastasia 2023 #tadaima 23

[gingerbreadmonsters]

五二零

or: whoever said french was the language of love clearly never met vincent solaire.

gn!reader, no content warnings, hand-over-hand fluff and i won’t apologise. the 520 fic arrives at last!! let’s all make one thing very clear - i would both kill and die for rennie, rae’s lovely oc, she is my world the love of my life the girl of my dreams, okay? then you can consider this my love letter to her and my darling @sri-rachaa who singlehandedly revived this wip from the dead, our woman in STEM and absolute POWERHOUSE of chemistry - rae 加油！ oh, and of course some love for @ejunkiet for rallying hard for the east-asian vincent brigade - it’s canon to me and you lot are just going to have to deal with it, alright? a little bit of housekeeping before we get started: this fic does assume that lovely doesn't speak mandarin, but vincent does. vincent having a mindblank for just over 5200 words.

batsman: so you’re DEFINITELY free on friday?? like the whole day??

me: yeah he said we could move it to sunday

batsman: YESSS

me: ???? what’s happening on friday

batsman: nothing nothing

batsman: i just get to spend a whole day w you :DDD

me: :DDD

me: ok it’s starting now

me: see you when i get back

me: also i love you hehe

batsman: have fun little one!! 520

Vincent Solaire is up to something.

You're not sure what, and you don't really know why, but he's got that look - you know the one. The one he gets whenever he spies the final jam tart sitting unguarded on the table, whenever he notices William's left his instant camera unattended, whenever Sam says he's leaving you two alone with Fred and his partner, don't touch anything. It's the look that means he's plotting something nefarious again - one of his diabolical schemes that should send anyone with common sense running for the hills, and that probably means you either need to find your passport, renew your life insurance, or check the stability of every flat surface in the house.

(Actually, now that you think about it, how does life insurance work now that you're a vampire? Are there special empowered insurance providers? Do you get a payout if you get turned into a vampire? Are you or a loved one eligible for financial compensation? Mental note: ask William at tea on Sunday.)

He says it’s nothing. Yeah, right. You’d almost believe him if it weren’t for that cheeky grin he’s been sporting for the last week whenever he thinks you’re not looking, tapping away on his laptop of an evening like a man possessed, stifling a laugh every ten minutes or so. Meddling little so-and-so. He thinks he’s so slick, but you know better. Vincent Solaire has got something up his perfectly tailored, meticulously ironed, ridiculously expensive sleeve, and you are going to find out what it is.

You’ve got a pretty decent idea of where this particular scheme has come from, so that’s a good start. He was out with Gavin a few weeks ago, one of their little mothers’ meetings, and you’re sure whatever he’s planning is the product of that. The pair of them are terrible when they’re together - they gossip like you wouldn’t believe, wander round Dahlia charming the (thankfully metaphorical) pants off of everyone they meet, and they both drink like fishes if there’s nobody around to supervise. They’ll have cooked up one of their signature (read: stupid) ideas that sounded really good at the time, and now you and Gavin’s partner - who, let it be said, has the patience of an absolute saint when it comes to Vincent and Gavin’s collective bullshit - have to deal with the fallout. You know the drill.

(To be perfectly honest, you’re still not over last time - they’d come stumbling down the street at some ungodly hour, absolutely sloshed as usual, tottering arm in arm towards your front door and giggling uncontrollably at some half-baked joke Vincent was trying to remember. You and Gavin’s other half had been forced to pause your show for some emergency damage control when the dynamic duo finally managed to get the key in the door, and to this day you’re not sure how they managed to get Gavin safely out of those shoes and into pyjamas without some sort of divine intervention.)

Anyway, you have no doubt that they’ve come up with some Machiavellian (or, more likely, Rube Goldberg-ian) plan or other, the bastards, which probably means the only option is to brace for impact. Not to mention, if Gavin’s had anything to do with it, there could be literally anything at all coming your way. Vincent's already a menace all by himself, practically a force of nature, and he tends to get what he wants - the stranger the better, and he’s had some pretty strange ideas.

(Strange might be putting it a bit lightly. The day Sam stops reminding him about the roller skates incident is the day hell freezes over - you don’t even want to know how they managed to get the vampire-shaped dents out of the rear bumper.)

It shouldn’t be too bad though, whatever it turns out to be. Vincent is a lot of things, but mean-spirited isn’t one of them - you’re not worried about it being really embarrassing or stressful or something. He knows you, bless his little heart, and he knows what makes you uncomfortable. And to his credit, he’s never once done anything on purpose that he knew would push you too far, or that he wasn’t sure you’d be okay with. He asks, always asks. Is this alright? Would that be too much? How about this instead? Never pushy, never unwilling to back down. Do you like that? Can I hold you? May I kiss you? He plays it off as part of the charm, but you know better. He’s genuinely thoughtful, even when he doesn’t quite realise it, and he’s kinder than he gives himself credit for. He always has been, and he can’t hide it, least of all from you.

You’re not afraid. Never afraid, not of him. You’re just… suspicious.

Vincent, for his part, is not helping.

It’s been, what, a week now? And he’s been acting differently - it’s not a bad different, just suspicious different. He’s been very affectionate, even more so than usual (you hadn’t thought that was even possible), and he keeps being really… nice? Obviously, he’s always nice, but he keeps getting you glasses of water and offering you shoulder rubs and letting you decide which show to watch even when it’s his turn - all in the space of about five minutes. He’s even been playing that piece you’d said was your favourite of his on the piano whenever he’s in the front room, the one from that film you watched together ages ago. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he’s broken something by accident again and is trying to butter you up, but you’ve done a thorough check of all the major appliances, every light fixture, every picture frame, and every window in the house. Nothing is amiss, except for the fact that he definitely said he’d done the load of washing that’s still sitting in the laundry basket in the bathroom. (So that’s where that shirt had gone!)

The suitcases in the attic are still exactly where you left them, so he’s probably not planning on going anywhere. He likes to have things packed in advance, which is honestly a bit weird considering the general state of chaos that he tends to exist in when nobody’s looking. In any case, nothing’s been disturbed up here so he’s definitely not taking you anywhere very far away, if at all. Speaking of, is your passport still in date? Probably ought to check, actually. Vincent loves taking you to all sorts of places on holiday, seemingly at random, even though he’s not a huge fan of planes - which is a bit of a problem when everywhere he wants to take you is at least ten hours away.

(Aeroplanes are actually quite difficult for vampires, as has been gravely imparted to you - on several occasions, actually, pre and post-turning. You have to make sure it's night time when you leave and when you arrive, which can make managing timezones and travel itineraries very complicated - lest you accidentally end up like Vincent and Alexis, who once got stuck in an airport in France and were forced to wait five or six hours until sunset before they could leave, edging gingerly through the terminal as the sunlight moved across the floor.)

(William had to come and pick them up, and was met with a distinctly miserable pair of hungry, sleep-deprived progenies, grumbling about stupid massive windows, who even needs that much glass anyway? You’ve seen the photos - Vincent’s bedhead is bad at the best of times, but apparently it’s truly magnificent after eleven hours on the plane and six very tense hours creeping around the airport trying to avoid the sun - and although you’re sworn to secrecy, it hasn’t stopped you from taking the piss out of Vincent every time he tries to suggest going on holiday. Look, if he didn’t want you to make jokes, he shouldn’t have shown you the picture of him and Alexis, passed out and covered in sunscreen, piled up on top of the suitcases, being carted through the airport by William on a luggage trolley. Come on - the jokes write themselves!)

Honestly, the most frustrating question isn’t what he’s going to do - his little gremlin brain is far too bizarre for you to even begin to narrow down the list of things that might be on his radar, from the hilarious to the romantic to the just plain weird. The real question is why? He’s made a point of checking that you’re free for the whole of Friday, so you assume that that’s whenever he’s planning is going to happen. It’s only May, so your anniversary isn’t for a while, and you know it’s not a birthday thing… Is there something you’re missing? A clan thing or a vampire thing or some kind of empowered bank holiday that you don’t know about? That has to be it. But who could you ask to explain it to you?

me: ok can i ask a maybe stupid question

grandmaker: Of course. What would you like to ask about? I’m always happy to answer your questions.

grandmaker: (As long as it’s not about roller skates again. He’s still not allowed, and don’t let him bribe you into finding him another pair.)

me: it’s not about the roller skates dw

me: it’s just about vincent

grandmaker: What about him?

me: idk how to put it he’s like

me: he’s being really nice to me?? like nicer than normal?? and he’s definitely planning something for friday but he won’t say why?? idk what’s happening and i feel like i’m forgetting something

grandmaker: I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting you to say that the issue is “Vincent’s being too nice to me, his partner and progeny, who he loves very much and would do anything for, and it’s making me nervous”.

me: LOOK IT’S NOT A BAD THING

me: i just can’t figure out why he’s doing this NOW and i’m a bit worried i’m forgetting an anniversary or a holiday or something

me: is there a special clan thing coming up he hasn’t told me about? or an empowered thing that idk about? damn wasn’t very good at catching humanborns up to speed on stuff like that

grandmaker: I don’t think so. The next clan meeting isn’t until mid-June, and there aren’t any special events planned until the masquerade.

grandmaker: To my knowledge, there aren’t very many empowered-specific holidays or celebrations aside from the Solstices, and certainly none coming up immediately - the risk of breaking covert has, in my lifetime at least, rather stifled that sort of thing. Some, such as our friends in the Shaw Pack, will have their own more localised traditions, but historically it has been always difficult for empowered people to communicate and coordinate on a large enough scale to organise that sort of thing.

grandmaker: I would say that it has only really been possible for about fifty years or so, maybe less. Perhaps in the future this will change, but to answer your question - no, I can’t recall any special events coming up that Vincent might be planning to celebrate.

me: damn ok ty

me: guess he’s just having a moment then lmao

grandmaker: I suppose so. If you figure it out, do let me know - I’m curious as well, now.

me: cool i will

me: we’re still on for sunday right??

grandmaker: Yes, of course. I look forward to seeing you then. :)

me: :D

No luck with William, unfortunately, which is a bit of a blow. You’d hoped that he’d have some idea of what Vincent might be doing, seeing as he’s known him the longest, but alas. Looks like it’s time to bring out the big guns - it seems that drastic times call for drastic measures. Good thing you have a certain shifter’s number.

me: what’s he planning :) tell me :)

sandwich cullen: Hello to you too

me: ik he’s told you something i saw you two plotting together at the last clan meeting while fred was talking

me: i see all :))) you cannot hide :))) tell me what he’s planning

sandwich cullen: Who says we were planning something

sandwich cullen: We could have been talking about anything

me: ????? i have vampire ears now i could HEAR you talking about it

me: also your mate told me that he was at your house yesterday and you were booking something online together BUSTED

sandwich cullen: First of all rude

sandwich cullen: Maybe we were planning something for my mate

me: liar you weren’t your mate HATES surprises

me: if you were planning a surprise you would have at least told them that you were going to do SOMETHING

me: and i already asked them and they said you haven’t mentioned anything BUSTED

me: TELL ME

sandwich cullen: No

me: WHY :(((

sandwich cullen: Vincent would kill me I don’t need that

me: spoilsport :(

me: at least a hint??

sandwich cullen: No

sandwich cullen: It’s nothing bad and he says you’ll like it

me: …fine i see how it is

me: have fun when i invite your mate to the masquerade first and you have to turn up with vincent instead

sandwich cullen: WHAT

me: bc they WILL say yes

me: and you know how william gets about everybody entering in pairs

sandwich cullen: DONT YOU DARE

sandwich cullen: GET BACK HERE

sandwich cullen is typing…

Hmmm. A fruitful conversation to be sure, but just not in the way you were hoping, and no real new information gained.

The most annoying part about it is that none of it is helping you figure out what he’s planning. He’s just being stupidly adorable, your golden retriever vampire boyfriend, and it’s too difficult to theorise when your heart is too busy melting right into his hands. It can’t be that bad, right? All you can do is cross your fingers and hope that whatever it is, it doesn’t involve roller skates. Please, never again.

-

“Morning, lovely.”

“...”

“...Lovely?” A voice. Vincent’s voice. Mmm, Vincent. He’s so cute. Where is he?

“Mm-hnnrg,” you reply eloquently, through a mouthful of pillow. Something’s wrong. Why is it so cold? “Hmm?” You blindly reach out towards his side of the bed when-

“Over here, baby. No, no- other side, this side!” From behind you, a warm hand settles on your exposed shoulder and gently tips you onto your back, slipping up to turn your chin so you can see the very familiar vampire perching on the bit of mattress by your hip. He’s smiling softly, backlit by the early moonlight streaming in through the window where he's pushed the blackout curtains open. “There you are.”

It doesn’t look like he’s been up for long, still in his pyjamas (the really soft ones that are good for stealing), dark hair still ruffled and sticking up on one side. Silver eyes a little heavy with sleep, pillow creases faintly visible on his cheek. tongue barely peeking out to lick his lips as he finishes yawning - oh, he is precious.

“Breakfast?”

He’s also looking remarkably pleased with himself, which is always a sign of danger. You sit up and take the offered blood bag warily, narrowing your eyes at him as you bite into the plastic, although your death glare is probably undercut by the fact that you keep having to wipe the sleep out of your eyes. He seems unaffected, giving you a big, innocent grin that you absolutely don’t believe for a second.

“Mmm, thank you,” You tip your head back to squeeze the last few drops out of the bag, before leaning over and dropping it in the bin by the bedside table. “Did you sleep alright?”

“Of course I did,” he chuckles, thumbing a stray drop of blood from the corner of your lip and popping it neatly in his mouth. “I had my lovely in my arms, didn’t I?”

Still a bit groggy from sleep and a little dazed by his soft smile, you’re caught without a comeback - in lieu of words, you make do by pulling at the hem of his shirt until he’s close enough to cuddle properly. You settle your face into his shoulder, turning your head just a little to kiss his neck as he sighs happily into your hair, and it would be so, so easy to fall back asleep.

Well, it would be, if he wasn’t doing that (adorably dorky, ridiculously cute) stupid thing where he pretends to play the piano across your back, pads of his fingers tapping lightly across your shoulderblades as you hazily try to figure out what he’s playing. The light pressure isn’t distracting enough to outweigh his general utility as a pillow though, so you make yourself comfy melting against his warmth, closing your eyes against the moonlight from the window.

A little while passes, until suddenly it hits you.

“Are you-” He really is a dork. “Are you playing Heart and Soul?”

“What? No!” The fingers on your back freeze for a moment, before resuming in a decidedly more complicated pattern than before. “I would never.”

Liar. “You were humming it yesterday while you were brushing your teeth.”

“Pure coincidence, I assure you,” he scoffs, giving up on his silent concert in favour of wrapping his arms snugly around your waist, crushing you against him. "You must be mistaken, little lovely. How could I possibly do such a thing when my heart and soul are already yours -aghh!"

The reward for his vast devotion is swift, silver-tongued bastard that he is - he yelps as you give him a teasing little nip just below his jaw, hard enough to leave a decent mark but not quite breaking the skin, scrambling away from you almost fast enough to hide the subtle flush spreading across his face. “Stop trying to eat me, you menace,” he whines, "Those fangs of yours get enough practice as it is!" Snickering, you watch as he busies himself tidying up the vanity, pointedly facing away from you all the while.

(Alas, he appears to have forgotten that vampires are not, in fact, invisible in mirrors. The blooming mark under his jaw and the giddy little smile his reflection wears are very, very pretty.)

"In any case, little leech, you'd better get dressed. We've got the whole day to ourselves, remember?"

"How could I forget? You wouldn't stop asking if I was free," you say, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. "I take it you've got something in mind…?"

“Maybe, maybe not,” he says, which is Vincent-speak for I definitely have something in mind, and you’re going to be spoilt absolutely rotten if I have anything to say about it. “Doesn’t change the fact that today’s a special day, and I want to spend it with my lovely.”

“Flirt.”

“Oh, with pleasure. Anywhere in particular?”

“You know exactly what I meant, genius,” You shake your head good-naturedly, nudging him out of the way with your hip as you make for the wardrobe. “Although I am a little surprised. Normally, when we've got the whole day to ourselves, clothes don’t really factor into it."

“You-” What little of his blush that had receded comes back in full force, and he’s almost fast enough to hide it by making a hasty retreat to the safety of the kitchen, your laughter chasing him down the hallway. “Just- just get dressed!”

Still smiling, you turn back to the wardrobe. Looks like you have an ill-defined date night (do you really need to say night when you do everything at night nowadays?) to get ready for.

-

He’s lost it. Completely. Right here, right now, Vincent Solaire has gone absolutely, totally off his rocker.

Barring a few more intense moments, it had been a pretty normal date night - cuddles on the sofa, some lazy dancing in the kitchen, a liberal dose of kisses every time he thinks you’ve got too far (read: further than about two metres) away. You’d steamrollered him at Mario Kart, and he’d got you back with a surprise bout of tickles that had you squirming out of his lap and onto the floor in an unceremonious heap of laughter. Making fun of the TV, terrible innuendos, flicking water at him when you wash your hands. An ordinary date night, and you couldn’t possibly ask for more.

“It’s in the bedroom. Try it on for me?”

Vincent, however, has always been very good at more.

He watches you disappear around the corner, and as you open the bedroom door you can hear him fiddling around with something back in the living room. Oh, God, what on earth is he going to pull now? He’d better not be t-

Oh.

So that’s what he’s been hiding.

The garment bag isn’t entirely transparent, so you can’t make out the details, but you know exactly what’s inside. You remember seeing it online while shopping for potential masquerade outfits with Vincent, maybe six months ago? Seven? He’d offered to get it for you then, but you’d refused - it’s too expensive, I don’t really need it, I can find something else. However long it’s been, Vincent clearly hasn’t forgotten - sliding the hanger out of the bag reveals a very familiar silhouette, the fabric just as you remember it, and you’d bet that when you put it on, the size will be exactly as you wanted. As if that wasn’t enough, the box sitting next to it on the bed - yep, those are the shoes. How did he even find out about those? You swear you’d only told-

Damn. Of course. You’d told David’s mate, who must have told Sam, who must have snitched on you to Vincent. Ooh, you’re getting him back for this.

knuckle sandwich: yeah i can go to the masquerade with you

knuckle sandwich: what did he do this time

At least one of them has any sense. It doesn’t take you too long to get dressed, all things considered, and the knock at the door is very much welcome.

“Lovely? May I come in?”

You open the door, and are met with what you’re sure is the loveliest sight known to man (vampire?) - Vincent Solaire, in his goddamn Sunday best, a bunch of roses in one hand and a gentle smile on his face.

“You- oh, wow-”

Both of you stutter over each other, flustered hands struggling to settle and weight shifting from one foot to the other. Vincent manages to regain his composure slightly before you, folding your fingers around the bouquet and thankfully letting you hide your face in it. He’s all you want to look at, almond eyes crinkled into happy crescents and colour rising in his cheeks, but you worry that if you look too long, you’re seriously at risk of finding out if vampires can have heart attacks.

“Ready to go?” Wait, you’re going somewhere? That would explain why he’s all dolled up, but it’s, like, 1am - where on earth could he possibly be taking you that’s even open at this hour?

He must take your confused silence as a yes, linking his elbow with yours and taking you down to the garage. Before long, you’re racing into Dahlia proper, lights blurring past and music turned up, singing as loudly as you can to the CD - one of his early-2000s albums that seems to live permanently in the glovebox. It’s not a long drive, only a little more than half an hour, yet somehow he manages to get you out of the car and sitting at a very nice, very expensive table almost before you know what’s going on.

“How is this place even open?”, you hiss, hiding your face from the waiter with the excessively-tall menu. “It’s the middle of the night!”

Across from you, one dark eyebrow arches gracefully, but not unkindly. “Not for us, lovely. Cornerstone city, remember? All sorts of places are open for us, if you know where to look. Remember that gallery by the station? The one where the guy spilled his drink all over the floor?”

“That was your fault!” If there wasn’t anybody else here, you’d smack him with the menu - as it is, you settle for lightly knocking his shin with the side of your shoe under the table. “If you’d been able to keep your hands to yourself for five minutes-”

“Not my fault you couldn’t stay quiet!” He even has the nerve to stick his tongue out at you, the little menace.

“I’m not the one who wanted to start a tickle fight in the middle of an art gallery!”

“Okay, maybe I had something to do with it,” he admits, inclining his head towards the waiter who’s been patiently waiting just out of earshot for you two to decide what you want. “But you can’t say it wasn’t funny! And he was talking so loudly - honestly, I think we did everyone else in there a favour.”

“Th-” You’re about to retort when the waiter clears his throat unobtrusively, obviously trying to be polite, but really hoping you’re going to get on with it so he can go and do something else. “Uh, do you know what you’re going to have?”

“Mm, I don’t know…”

-

Dinner goes… well.

It’s a very nice dinner, to be sure - neither of you really need food any more, but that doesn’t stop it from being delicious. Once Vincent’s finished explaining the nighttime workings of Dahlia, the conversation lapses back into much more relaxed territory, and the hand-holding under the table doesn’t hurt either. The pleasant haze of his attention, the comfortable sway of his affection - behind the blackout windows of the restaurant, the silver evening becomes a golden early morning.

There’s only one question left to ask.

“...Vincent?”

“Hmm?” He looks up from where he’s toying with his credit card, spinning it between his fingers as you wait for the waiter to come back with the machine. “What is it, lovely?”

“Why are we, you know…” you start, unsure of how exactly to phrase it. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to go on dates with you, I like spending time with you and being with you and I love you so so much but-”

“What?” His hand on your cheek stops you in your tracks, and you can’t help but lean into the warmth of his palm. “But what, lovely?”

There’s no good way to say it - better just get it over with. “Is there something happening today that I’m meant to know about? Why did we, y’know, come here today?”

His hand freezes momentarily, fingers tensing almost imperceptibly against your face as his mouth drops open slightly, eyes widening. He looks… surprised, you think? It’s hard to tell, seeing as he almost immediately buries his face in his arms, groaning into the table in what looks like frustration.

“I knew I’d forgotten something!”

…Forgotten something?

“What did you forget?” In the corner of your eye, the poor waiter can very clearly tell that now isn’t a great time, and retreats to the safety of the kitchen. “Is everything alright?”

“No!” he mumbles, half-muffled by his sleeve. Reaching over to ruffle his hair in silent comfort, you wait for him to actually tell you what the problem is. “I thought I’d told you already - I think I just kind of assumed that you’d know, and Gavin said that he’d heard about it so then I didn’t really think about it, but he’s, like, a million years old and knows everything about this stuff, so-”

He takes a deep breath, sitting up and gently detangling your hand from his hair. “Do you know what date it is today?”

“The twentieth, right? No, the twenty-first.”

“No, you’re right, it’s the twentieth. May twentieth. Does that date mean anything to you?”

You shake your head, utterly lost. “...Should it?”

“Fuck, I really did forget,” he mutters to himself. “Lovely, you know when I text you, I always say something at the end, right?”

“Yeah, the numbers. Five-two-zero. I thought it was, like, one of your 90s emoticon things, isn’t it?”

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say - he looks even more embarrassed now. “No, it’s- it’s not. It’s a Chinese thing.”

Nope, that… doesn’t explain it. Your expression clearly tells him as much, as he starts to ramble. “So, like, the way to say I love you in Mandarin is wo ai ni, you know? Like, wo means I, ai means love - you know what I mean, I say that to you a lot, right?”

Now that he says it, it sounds familiar. “Right.”

“Well, it’s kind of like acronyms in English, I guess, like when you text? Short, fast ways of saying a phrase? Chinese has the same thing, but obviously they’re a bit different - I love you isn’t the letters I-L-Y, it’s the numbers 5-2-0. Five-two-zero is wu er ling, which sounds like wo ai ni when you say it fast.”

“Okay…?” It takes a second for it to make sense, but you think you get it. Also, now that you think about it, this recontextualises a lot of his texts to you. “And that has something to do with today?”

He doesn’t answer, instead reaching into his inside pocket and switching on his phone, sliding it across the table to face you. Right there on the display, above the picture of you asleep on his shoulder (wait, when did he take that?), it reads 02:50AM, 05.20.23.

“Today, the twentieth, is kind of like a Valentine’s Day for Chinese people.”

Oh. May twentieth. 5.20. I love you.

(He also does a bit of a double take at the time, but doesn’t explain this one. “Er bai wu… yeah, that sounds about right.” It’s probably not anything very polite, if you had to guess.)

You’re not exactly sure where to go with this, but there’s one option that always seems to work. You slip your hand under his jaw, pressing just slightly on the mark you left there earlier, and tilt his face to yours for a kiss. It takes a few seconds for his brain to catch up, but when it does he reciprocates in full, eyes falling blissfully shut as his tongue traces across your lip.

When you finally remember where you are, you pull away just enough to breathe, dodging his petulant attempt to chase your lips by ducking your head to the side for a second. He catches your cheek instead, whining softly when you press your palm to his chest to get his attention.

“Happy Valentine’s-in-May, pretty boy.” Your voice is low and quiet, but he hears you all the same, giving you that big fangy grin that makes your mind go all fizzy, entirely charmed. “I love you, Vincent Solaire.”

(He doesn’t reply in English, but you know exactly what he means.)

masterlist

this is an original work by @gingerbreadmonsters - please do not repost or misattribute

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted fluff #redacted vincent #redacted lovely #ginger posting twice in two days??? what madness is this #ginger writes #gingerbreadmonsters

[biotic-major]

Mass Effect: Shadow Broker Liara was a Bad Move

I might be in the minority here, but I’m going to be honest when I say that I have never accepted or liked the path that the Dev’s took with Liara’s character from Mass Effect 1 to what I consider her ‘New Incarnation’ in Mass Effect 2 and Mass Effect 3.

The sudden shift from Liara going from an archeologist obsessed with the Protheans to an Information Broker turning into Shadow Broker always fell flat with me and felt disingenuous to the character as a whole. I severely disliked the idea that Liara who is over 100 years old and has spent all that time chasing the Protheans would suddenly turn around and abandon all of that to chase after Shepard’s body to be the one to hand it over to a human supremacy group (even more fucked up if Shepard is sole survivor Shepard) ((and a thousand times creepier if not romanced)) and then turn into some wanna-be 2-bit super spy/agent trying to be a sexy badass.

Not to mention – she’s absolutely terrible at it.

Mass Effect 2 tries to play off that she’s got the mind of a computer somehow, just miraculously knowing all the information about two of the randomest people on Illium to just outright lay it all out for Shepard. Actually, I’ll forgive her knowing about Samara because of Samara being a Justicar and the asari fascination and fear of them – but a random drell assassin? No. I won’t give that. There’s plot convenient (of which Liara is Mass Effect’s baby when it comes to that) and then there’s that level of bullshit that I cannot and will not accept. Ever.

But Liara is actually terrible as the Shadow Broker? The Shadow Broker in Mass Effect 1 was portrayed as this threatening all-knowing force, then Mass Effect 2 this follows this belief – but then Liara gets ahold of it and honestly? It becomes a joke. Everyone and anyone knows she’s the Shadow Broker. Hackett knows and just outright approaches her about it. Wrex knows and mocks her about it. He even knows things that she doesn’t!!! How does she not know about the female krogan who are immune to the genophage? Do you really think the old Shadow Broker wouldn’t have had that information on speed dial?  

Liara as the Shadow Broker was by far the biggest misstep I felt of the whole game outside of their ‘Both Virmire Survivors are so interchangeable that they’ll have the SAME LINES for 2 games! Because that makes perfect sense! (rant for another day)’. I felt that it made zero sense that Liara would abandon her life’s purpose (for over 100 years) of studying the Protheans, especially after finding Ilos and the actual pods full of Protheans and potential other working relics like Vigil to go be an information broker. Her little comment about ‘it paying the bills’ makes no sense either. She is asari. Her mother was Benezia who was recognized as a very influential and powerful asari. You’re going to tell me Liara has no money at the end of the day? Heck no. She’s loaded and we know it. The whole thing is just so horrible and destroys the groundwork of what could have been a great character. 

Instead they murdered Liara and replaced her with Miranda Lite. 

What a waste. 

#mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #mass effect 1 #mass effect 2 #mass effect 3 #lair of the shadow broker #shadow broker #mass effect liara #liara #liara t'soni #liara critical

[daisybrained]

I really try not to think too much about the confession scene if I’m being honest. I only watched it the one time and I’ve never gone back to it to rewatch. It’s such a confusing thing for me. I was excited to hear him say he loved her, like I knew it was coming, but then when it happened it felt So. Off. It just wasn’t quite right, somehow. And I couldn’t tell if it was Intentionally Weird or if it was the acting or the writing or what. Like… why was Mike not more emotional? I know it’s not because Finn has become a bad actor overnight or whatever people were saying, that’s insane. If they’d wanted him more emotional, they would have had him do it that way and used those takes instead. It can’t be that he just can’t cry, because he literally is crying five minutes later when he’s begging her to wake up.

And the way it’s written is off too, somehow, and again I don’t know if it’s intentional or not! It’s like, half love confession, half pep talk, which I kind of get because she needs to Fight! or whatever (and oh my god I cringe just thinking about that bit) but it just felt so. Kind of like how milk tastes right before it goes off. And other people have mentioned the framing and blocking too, like having Will be Right There and even cutting to reaction shots of him and Jonathan at one point is such an odd choice if it’s meant to be a romantic moment between Mike and El. That’s not something I thought of while watching it, but it’s one of those “you didn’t notice it, but your brain did” things where you notice that something’s off in the back of your mind and it unsettles you, but you can’t pinpoint what has unsettled you until someone points it out later. (Kind of like Will’s dark possessed eyes in s2.)

And talking about the day they found her and actually cutting to the flashback? The juxtaposition of what he’s saying and what is happening on screen is so WEIRD! He is clearly not falling in love with her at first sight in the flashback, we can see his confused apprehensive look with our own eyeballs, but that is what he’s telling us happened! I know some people think the juxtaposition is intentional, and that may be the case, but why would they have him say it only to backtrack and go “nevermind that was bullshit” in the next season? Why would they have such a big climactic moment intentionally fall flat! I don’t understand!

I dunno. It’s weird. Before volume 2, I had no real inkling that byler would ever become canon; I just wasn’t thinking that far ahead. I was invested in Mike and El’s relationship. Byler felt absurd to me on a canon level (enjoyable in fic but not realistic), and I know people are annoyed by this, but it was because of how I’ve seen close relationships between two men handled terribly onscreen before. I’ve been in many fandoms with clear, calculated queerbaiting and every time, the fandom thinks, this one will be different. This will be the one that transcends. And it just never is. It’s like Lucy with the football. That’s irritating to hear, I know, I’m not trying to harsh anyone’s vibe; this one is fundamentally different because Will is explicitly in love with Mike, but for me personally, that just confuses the issue more than clarifying it like it does for some people.

I know I’m just rehashing stuff that people have already dissected and explained and theorized about, I’m just trying to get all my thoughts about the confession in particular into words and why I’m still so uncomfortable with it and confused by it.

#byler #byler doubt #is that the right tag? again. idk the etiquette around here. #my main question really is--why make the climax of the season so emotionally weird #wind the audience up to expect something big and emotional and heartstrings-tugging and then give em something that doesnt quite get there? #it doesnt feel intentional to me i guess. it feels like it was aiming for big heartstrings-tugging climactic moment and missed. #mike #will #el #if anyone has thoughts please feel free to share them #unless youre going to be snippy about me mentioning previous fandoms then just dont

[darkfascination]

@ulfhrafnx said: “ come back to bed ,” eyes shut , she hears him pacing around the blackened room , as she fades in and out of consciousness. either as a result of cabin fever or because he had something on his mind , she isn’t sure, but it’s distracting regardless. getting on her nerves , if she’s being honest. “ the sun is still out , ” and it wasn’t due to set for another couple of hours — whatever was plaguing him was going to have to wait.

He’d been idle too long, too wrapped up in easy prey and tangled bedsheets. He wasn’t meant for settling.

He couldn’t sleep, his mind fidgeting, picking out every discomfort, every noise was too loud, or too soft. Lira beside him was too warm, or too far away. He about leaps off the mattress, another displeasurable comfort, and finds himself surveying this cage he’s allowed himself to be trapped in.

They had roamed, they had plagued the earth like disease, it reminded him of the old(er) days, and he longed for it- them- again.

“ I wanna go."

He says back, voice flat, not a sign of the usual humor.

She mentions the sun.

“ I don’t care. "

He could take the burn, the singe would be payment enough just to be back on the road; to be free once the oppressive luminance hid its face and let him truly loose.

Severen is ready to run out the door bare ass and all, but he spent too much time in his old leathers to give them up now. He grabs his pants off the floor and starts dressing, “ Gotta get outta here ” he mutters to himself.

It feels like claustrophobia, a tightening in his chest. For a minute he thinks he hears Jessie calling him. Severen sucks a breath between his teeth banishing that sound to the furthest place he can.

He sits hard on the edge of the bed to get his boots on, not caring about disturbing Lira. In his mind she’d already be up and at the door- or maybe he’s thinking of Them again-but she’s still in bed, is she deliberately ignoring him? She can’t hear the engine idling can she…

Severen is up and ready to kick the door open and leave, yet there is something stopping him. He won’t admit the truth that lingers just outside of comprehension: he doesn’t know how to be alone anymore. Hasn’t been capable of acknowledging that he is until he feels the bond unwind to its limit— to understand that there is no one out there.

He used to— Be Alone— just himself for company with a fire and the stars. It used to not mean much, but after decades, centuries with his dysfunctional bunch of misfits (family) Severen has no idea how to sit with himself (who is this).

He needs her to come, but she’s lying there.

He gets angry.

He doesn’t give a shit about her pack, about her family. Where’s his ? Where did his family go ?

( Some shitty kid hangs around and now it’s just him ? )

To hell with that. Lira is his last connection, he’s clinging to her like a lifeline, but can’t admit it, not to himself, not to anyone, won’t, can’t.

It’s agony, it’s pain, he turns it into rage. Severen kicks the bedframe and the leg buckles tipping lopsidedly. “ Get. Up. ” He growls, ready to drag her out. Of course he knows she’s stronger than him, and just as savage, at this point though, he doesn’t care if she guts him and uses his intestine for corset strings as long as she does. Something.

He lashes out again and the wood screams and gives completely collapsing to the ground.

He doesn’t know how to ask her, maybe because he hasn’t had to ask in so long. He’s not sure he wants to be acting like this, but it feels (terrible) good to be furious, packing it into the voids.

“ I’m leaving ”, is what he says, and ripping the sheets off her he snarls in her face. “ And you’re coming. "

#ulfhrafnx #finger lickin’ good ( c. severen ) #courtesy of re-reading The Shining: interruptive internal monologue.

[moononastring]

Welp, it is safe to say that it did not go well between me and Matt. I’m not really sure how I’m feeling about it because I’m over all really angry at the moment. He tried to kiss me again and when I told him flat out NO He basically threw every nice thing I’ve ever done for him in my face to “prove I liked him first”. He accused me of leading him on when I thought I was just being a good friend to him😓. Then tried to throw every nice thing he’s ever done for me in my face as if I owe him something. Again we’ve never even talked as if we were dating. Hell we’ve talked more about our own hook ups and dates and relationships with other people more than ever the possibility of us being together.

I think I hurt his feelings by being honest and telling him I cared about him but just as a friend. Yes of course I care we’ve been friends for 13 years. We’ve spent several hours a day with each other for 6 1/2 months now. Like I said I let him live with me for weeks because he didn’t want to swallow his pride and move home at one point. I love him but like family and he proceeded to say very mean things to me about things we’ve talked about in confidence because “I don’t like him back” 😭 I’ve been sitting here for hours just thinking about how terrible this was. I am so genuinely heartbroken because some of the things he said were definitely over the line. I know he said them to hurt me because he was hurting but I would have never treated him like this. NEVER. It also just shocks me because we have hardly ever had disagreements over the years. 😔

I just don’t understand. This honestly just sucks so bad. He tried to text me again to “apologize” about an hour ago but I don’t think I can accept that at this moment with some of the things he said. No real friend would say them even if they were mad. I know im just rambling again but im just having a bad day. Thank you for listening😔

Ugh, I am so sorry the conversation went this way. It’s a low, asshole move on his part and I’m sorry that you had to sit through a conversation with a guy who let his misguided notions of your friendship speak to you that way. It’s a shame that he really took all these years of friendship with you for granted. Clearly, he doesn’t deserve your friendship or having you in his life.

People who care about you don’t throw things you talk about back in your face. They respect you and respect the relationship you’ve had and what you decided to share with them. I’m sure it’s frustrating for you because I’m sitting here frustrated for you that HE decided all these things about the nature of your relationship and then has the nerve to get upset when you don’t feel the same way.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but know, this happened for it to come to the surface. You know where you stand and you’re under no obligation to speak further with him or accept his apology until you feel like he deserves it or you’re ready. Give yourself the space to process it and see you feel in a day or two. I’m team cut off and leave nastiness behind you but again, you know yourself and want you need best. I don’t think we should allow people who make us feel bad into our lives. He doesn’t seem like he deserves the pribelage of being yours when he’s getting upset that you’re not following what HE wants and what HE expects from you. His anger isn’t an excuse for him to hurt you. The way a person reactions when angry tell your volumes about who they are and you don’t need any of this in your life.

Please don’t apologize for sharing, I’m happy to be a listening box! Take care of yourself darling. Like I said before, feel your feelings and then decide what kind of access he should have to you. A person that doesn’t respect you doesn’t deserve an inch. He ruined your friendship and that’s on him and his loss. Im here for you darling ♥️ sending you lots of love and a very tight hug 🫂

#gigi's tea time #I’m being really polite but honestly fuck him babes #he can’t just decide what he wants from you and then get upset that you don’t want it too #cut him off #he messed up badly #when people get ugly in anger I don’t ever take it as a good sign #it feels unsafe tbh #asks #‘nonnie