#it feels even more like that because dean's literally invisible

[samwinchesterism]

in re: “cas knows dean better than sam”

“cas sees dean as a whole person and sam just sees dean’s façade as his big brother slash parent” but like how and where. outside of your fanfiction. season and episode. scene and line. if it’s so obvious and apparent you should have at least 3-5 concrete examples right? “sam doesn’t know dean carried him out of the burning house” yeah but did cas? outside of a footnote in the angelic manila folder they gave him between seasons 3 and 4 so he could better manipulate him and sam into doing heaven’s bidding? like if you’re going to say “cas knows dean better than sam” than you need to show how cas succeeds where you perceive sam to be failing at the very least. but even your perceptions of how sam doesn’t measure up are so warped, blinkered, and moronic that it wouldn’t even be worth much if you could provide the textual evidence, but at least you’d have a semblance of a point. like say anything without going “as an eldest daughter…” “well my relationship with my sibling isn’t…” please say anything without fucking projecting your own self-pitying crybaby bullshit onto your little woobie dean and using the actual canon text of the show. I’m literally begging you.

like the thing of it all is and always has been that you’re so hell-bent on twisting the sam and dean relationship to fit into this narrow and almost entirely inaccurate mold which is the basis upon which you build the entire Destiel Mythos that you literally lose all sense of media literacy. you don’t even miss the forest for the trees, you miss the trees for like, the pretend invisible things you’re seeing in between the trees, the forest is a whole long way away from your current level of perception. because the Destiel Mythos is based entirely on the fact that dean is Not Seen and Not Appreciated and Not Loved and Cannot Be Himself until cas comes along, and that Family (read: sam) Is Only A Burden on Him That He Must Be Freed From In Order to Flourish, so you keep trying to warp the sam relationship into something that is only one dimension of it – and keep ignoring the ways in which dean is seen, loved and understood within it, because you need to keep lying to yourselves that there is a narrative need to emancipate dean from something that he has never wanted emancipation from because it is ultimately a net good for dean in the particular circumstances of their lives. it’s also profoundly unhealthy, codependent, evil and toxic etc. (a lot more dean’s fault than sam’s but I will nawt be getting into all that right now) but that doesn’t change the fact that sam and dean both know and understand and feel deeply that they are each other’s person – that they know the best and love the most in the world. but that – which IS true canon fact – is incompatible with the Destiel Mythos so it must be ignored and all good sense must be thrown out the window in order to do it.

anyway i digress there are two main categories of Bad Thinking that i will be addressing below

childhood/ “parent/child” / blah blah blah

every single thing people are saying in favour of the deeply stupid thesis in the title of this post is proof positive of the very silly form of ‘analysis’ I just described. a few things:

“wah sam didn’t know that dean carried him out of the burning house :( this means that dean withholds things from sam to protect him because he is a PARENT and sam can only know things about him in the context of him being a PARENT to him” – what the fuck are you on about genuinely. first of all reducing the sam/dean relationship exclusively to parent/child is in itself foolishness for so many reasons that I don’t have time for right now. but also, it’s clear that this is just something that happened when sam was a baby that just never came up. in the scene (1.09) where this is brought up, dean is mildly surprised that he or john never mentioned that detail and then states that sam knows the rest of the story (i.e. the actual traumatic stuff) just as well as dean does – which is true, demonstrably whenever they talk about it.

obviously there are some things that happened to dean in their childhood that sam doesn’t know about (or didn’t know about, until told in whatever episode they come up in). equally, there are things dean doesn’t know about sam’s childhood, e.g. the fact that he was so lonely he needed a zanna (11.08). or how dean didn’t remember that sam was friends with barry cook until he mentions it when they go back to their old school (4.13). or about the nature of sam’s relationship with amy pond (7.03). these don’t mean that ‘sam withheld these things to protect dean out of parental love’ lol, it’s just that there are details and events in each of their lives that the other happens to not have been told about.

similarly “sam didn’t even know dean wanted to be a firefighter L” girl did dean know sam wanted to be a lawyer? in 1.01 he’s pretty surprised that sam has a law school interview. the point here isn’t “neither sam nor dean know each other well,” these are minutiae that aren’t relevant to how well you know someone as a whole, and very poorly demonstrate the bad and inaccurate point that dean withholds things from sam the way a parent does a child (on a constant or regular basis). obviously the way they were raised, sam was deemed too young to know about certain things until he got older and dean had to keep that secret, but as shown in 3.08 flashbacks, most if not all of this is eventually revealed throughout their childhood when sam is still fairly young.

or possibly the dumbest one is that “wah sam doesn’t even know that dean reads books L” whenever that was he was also obviously joking because in more serious moments (e.g. 8.14) he admits that dean is smart/a better researcher than he is, literally remembers dean reading to him as a kid (8.21) so like. clam down  

one of the extra annoying variants of this type of ‘proof’ covers things that are very clearly novel pieces of information about dean that dean, sam, and the audience are learning about dean in real time. like if you’re actually watching the show to comprehend it as it was intended to be comprehended, instead of funnelling everything through the Destiel Machine until it’s unrecognizable slop that fits neatly into your pre-ordained molds that Make Destiel Necessary In the Narrative (when it actually isn’t, at all) it’s abundantly clear. the top two worst offenders:

“sam didn’t even know that dean is good with kids :( he doesn’t even realize that dean raised him :(” first of all you people need to understand that parentification does not literally create a parent-child dynamic between siblings but I digress – this doesn’t make any sense bro. in 1.03 dean admits he doesn’t know any kids as an adult. dean being good with his own kid brother when they were both kids is to any reasonable person not necessarily linked with him being good with other random kids when he’s an adult. in 1.03 it’s clear that dean himself is a bit surprised that he’s able to connect w/ lucas so well because he’s clearly not dealt with a lot of kids since sam grew up. the whole point of this is that dean, sam, and the audience are all sort of seeing a new side of dean. who again is just 26. after this very early episode, there’s no question from sam that dean is able to connect w kids. sam being a bit surprised by this also has absolutely zero connection with him not understanding or realizing that dean looked out for him when they were both kids – sam is standing there at 22 years of age talking about adult dean and children – of fucking course he doesn’t mean himself are you stupid.

from the very first season, sam is very clearly aware of everything dean ~did for him~ when they were kids, see e.g. 1.21: “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. […] For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And I don't know, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”

and 1.06: DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.) SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

and then possibly even more stupidly, the one where it’s like “wah sam doesn’t even know dean can cook :( he doesn’t even know that DEAN was the one making him food as a babe in arms :(” – when sam is surprised that dean made something fairly gourmet and from scratch literally the first time they have ever had a permanent living space with a functional kitchen. in this VERY scene (8.14), dean himself points out that they haven’t had a kitchen before and when sam remarks on the irregularity of him doing serious cooking, he says “I’m nesting”, clearly showing that this is a novel development because they now have a kitchen, and that it’s irregular relative to past behaviour – both of them acknowledge this. because real proper in-depth cooking and making box mac and cheese for sam until he was like 11 and old enough to be left alone are two different things, which sam understands because he’s smart, unlike whoever chooses to make this point. dean never showed significant signs of liking to cook before this, which is what the exchange is about, but he did have to prepare food for them both when sam was too young – of course sam knows he had to, there are childhood memories referred to (e.g. 14.11) where sam is mentioned to literally help dean do the cooking as kids lol (and yes, genius, sam says ‘I didn’t know you knew what a kitchen was’ or something to that effect, but if you think he’s being 100% literal there I have an oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you)

again, obviously there are pieces that sam doesn’t know about dean, e.g. when he’s talking about his response to mary dying in 1.03. but again, Sam is 22, dean is 26, the last time they were in regular contact was when sam was 18-20, these are things that happen when people grow up, they’re able to reflect and share on childhood experiences if they’re close with their siblings as adults. it’s clearly not something that 26 y/o dean wanted to hide from 22 y/o sam. yes sam didn’t know everything about how dean felt when they were young, but that’s equally true in the other direction, and it’s such an irrelevant point in this discussion when, crucially, sam does learn these things about dean mostly fairly early on in the series (i.e. when they’re really not that deep into adulthood yet). cas was also not magically blessed w/ knowledge about dean, he also had to learn whatever it is that he knows, but somehow sam has to know everything about dean from age 7 or it doesn’t count when it’s sam lol.

“sam doesn’t know the One True Dean / doesn’t see through his facades”

the next branch of defending this flawed thesis is invariably that sam has little idea of the fronts and facades that dean puts up and is content to just believe them, whereas cas digs deep and sees the One True Dean that stupid sam always misses. there is nothing in the text that demonstrates this is true. multiple times, we see sam being very knowing of the fact that dean puts up fronts and facades. sam is also knowledgeable of the way dean perceives himself, and – demonstrated in multiple episodes before such sam lines were very poorly recycled and regurgitated into cas’s dialogue in 15.18, but keep acting like that was the first time anyone ever showed that they knew the One True Dean.

Obviously there are times where sam teases dean when he’s being more touchy-feely than usual, but 9.99 times out of 10 (as a conservative estimate in case there's something i'm forgetting otherwise i would say every time) that’s very clearly coming from a place of knowing the real dean vs. the façade he puts up because that’s the whole joke. and it’s allowed to be a joke because they’re siblings and that’s what siblings do lol. esp since sam and dean have touchy feely moments at the end of like every episode.

examples of all of the above off the top of my head (there are more than these, but these are the ones I can think of):

2.02 (about John’s death)

Sam: “I mean this ‘strong silent’ thing of yours, it's crap. […] I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.”

Dean: “You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to.”

Sam: “No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.”

2.03 (Sam to Dean, also about John’s death): “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”

Note that Dean essentially admits that Sam is right in these two instances in 2.04 bc I know yall have stupid shit to say about john too that has nothing to do with how anyone actually felt about him in canon

3.07 (about Dean’s demon deal – also proven true in later episodes)

SAM: Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

DEAN: I'm not!

SAM: You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.

DEAN: You got no idea what you're talking about.

SAM: Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked.

DEAN: And how do you know that?

SAM: Because I know you! […] Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just […] I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause.

5.18 [Sam figures out what Dean is doing re: his plan to let Michael possess him, tracks him down, and eventually is the catalyst for Dean ‘making the right call’, which he predicts] – e.g.:

SAM: No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call

DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.

SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart.

DEAN: I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?

SAM: Because… you’re still my big brother.

8.14 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18 + sam intrinsically understanding the trials are a death wish for dean): “I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. […] I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.”

10.22 (understanding how much dean has ~done for him~)

SAM: I'm saving my brother.

CASTIEL: You told Dean—

SAM: —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—

CASTIEL: He did whatever he could to save you.

SAM: Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.

10.23 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18, x2 – from Sam to Dean): “You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way. […] You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”

11.13 (Sam understanding exactly how Dean feels about Amara being his ‘deepest desire’, and confirming that it doesn’t make him a bad person)

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah.

Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not.

Dean: You know that I want her ass dead.

Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it?

13.02 (Sam perfectly explaining Dean’s psyche to Jack)

JACK: Is that why Dean hates me?

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

14.03 [Sam assesses Dean’s psychological/emotional response to the Michael possession; end of episode, Dean confirms that Sam’s assessment was fully accurate]

14.10 [Sam is the only one able to snap Dean out of his weird Michael mind loop by using their code word]

14.11 [Sam figuring out that something is troubling Dean just based on the fact that Dean hugs him]

15.17 (self explanatory at this point)

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!

SAM: I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.

like maybe there are some cas moments w dean along these lines too. i don't know, i don't remember what the guy says or does anymore it's been too many years and he is not memorable. but the point is where and in what capacity and based on what metric other than the amount of bad fanfic you've read does cas exceed sam in these respects.

so basically just. genuinely, what are you people literally ever talking about. go watch the show instead of saying stupid wrong stuff about sam on the hellsites all day. or watch another show (please for the love of god watch any other show this one is absolutely lost on you and it’s such a stupid one too i'm embarrassed for you)

#sorry i wasnt gonna be able to sleep otherwise my blood pressure got too high #sam winchester meta #sam winchester #anti destiel #sam and dean #whatever else my tags are #haven't done this in a minute #i'm sorry for being a cunty sam stan (tm) in this but have you considered we'd be nicer if you ppl were less dumb #this is not proofread it's not real meta

[scoobydoodean]

You know what just really frost my cookies with the whole "Dean doesn't care as much about Cas" discourse??? That post you reblogged about how strong their relationship was in s4/s5 got me thinking about this, but like they had two seasons of such intense relationship building and camaraderie, that Dean was literally fighting Bobby and Sam (his two most important people!!!) over not trusting Cas in s6, and it was DEAN who tried to keep a relationship with Cas s6 - s8, like that man tried everything to keep their relationship going - and that's not to blame Cas, he had his own shit going on (well except for s6, I do blame him for that lol his position is understandable, but it was still his fault), but Dean tried and it still just never worked.

Maybe this is just me, but I've always kind of viewed their relationship in the later seasons as, Dean worked hard to keep them going for so long that eventually it kind of just...hit him that maybe Cas didn't want that? So he stopped trying quite as hard, he remembered the times Cas left, and he interpreted them as rejections, which is in part why the Divorce Arc happened - it was a culmination of many many MANY things, not just the "obvious". That's just my interpretation though, and obviously others have and can interpret it differently.

In summary I see it as, early seasons Dean chasing and pining after Cas, eventually feels rejected and betrayed, later seasons Cas chasing and pining after Dean

Though to be fair and admit to my biases, I was watching s6-s8 in real time on TV, and then I drifted away mid s9 and didn't go back and watch the rest of the seasons until recently, so my strongest impressions of Destiel are of those earlier seasons, so I tend to view it in a different light I think than people who started watching later (or more specifically after Nov 5th and/or for Cas - not that anything is wrong w watching for those reasons lol)

Yeah I think it is very very silly to think that Dean doesn’t care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him. Like wildly so.

I think this line of thinking comes mainly from focusing too much on one character's POV. I think Dean came off a few times in season 6 like he saw his relationship with Cas as transactional—even though that isn’t imo how he actually felt about Cas (just like we can analyze Cas as thinking of his relationship with the Winchesters as very transactional but he does care about them despite how it appears). I think Dean was just kind of hurt because Cas had ghosted him for so long and he thought they were friends and they'd built this bond? So in season 6, he was reacting to what he thought were the boundaries Cas himself set—boundaries that suggested Cas—the guy controlling the means of communication—did not want a friendship with him. Cas ditched Dean in the car at the end of Swan Song and then just invisibly watched Dean rake leaves. Dean was right there. Dean could only pray to Cas. Cas wouldn’t respond. In season 6, without giving Dean a say—while watching Dean rake leaves and considering whether to ask for his help—Cas decided (again--unilaterally) he wouldn't involve Dean, and I do think that decision was out of love, and also probably because... well—he probably thought "what can Dean actually... do?" But ultimately, he wanted a person he cared about who had been through a lot to just be able to rest—that's what he says. Not including Dean (and Sam) continued after Dean came back to hunting as well, because 1) Cas was still thinking about protecting Dean 2) He didn't think Dean could do anything to help (which I think is... probably pretty reasonable—he originally considered including Dean I think mainly for his tenacity) 3) the whole thing had ballooned and Cas was making deals he probably didn't even fully agree with himself—so he was ashamed to some extent, but also knew... he wasn't going to stop, and that Dean would ask him to stop.

Cas is... well—I'm going to say "more morally flexible"... and I don't think that's always a bad thing. This is a useful quality in the line of work TFW is in, honestly. He is more ruthless than Sam and Dean and he also knows that he is, and I think he actually likes to position himself as the ruthless one. He likes being the person who is willing to do what is necessary to get shit done and he's willing to sacrifice a part of himself to do it... because he can take it. He planned to kill Jesse behind the Winchester's backs to spare them the unpleasantness (and the same, later, with Kelly and Jack—when Sam and Dean were looking for a way to save both of them and Cas just went to go find Kelly and kill her). He broke Sam's wall and killed a very good friend—Balthazar—because his friends were standing in his way and he was focused on his ultimate purpose which was stopping another apocalypse. He mind tortured Donatello because it needed to be done. I think that Dean understands that Cas wants to position himself as the ruthless one, and I think Dean also understands that this isn't always a bad quality. I also think it's an obvious point of contention, because Dean is the least morally flexible in the group and is the most tenacious, which I think Cas, in turn, appreciates about Dean—but it is going to lead to clashes between them as best friends with one being tenacious about choosing the least morally crooked path when possible, and the other saying "Can we please just get on with it? I'll do it if you don't want to—I don't mind."

And that's... to some extent, what is happening in season 6... besides the lying and the hurt besties feelings and secrets and betrayals. The actual soul swallowing plan? It's Dean's tenacious insistence on following a more prudent path versus Cas's "Let's get the fuck on with it"... and there's fairness to both sides of that imo... which is why I'm annoyed with certain individuals trying to make this a "sides" thing. It isn't the actual plan as much as it's what he did around it that's the issue, and Dean isn't obligated to agree with him or to trust him after he lied so many goddamn times. Like. Dean's trust was not something to which Cas was entitled, point blank.

You're right—Dean didn’t think Cas would ever lie to him like that in season 6. He couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it. And I think fans do this thing actually where they hear Cas say in season 6 that he’s always trusted Dean and he always comes when Dean calls and they just buy into that and go “Yeah! That’s so true!” and build an entire analysis on that (and then post insufferable parallels between that and 4.21 thinking they are saying something about Dean's "trust issues" when they are... making a very different parallel lmao). What Cas is saying about always trusting Dean isn’t true—and what’s more, Cas knows it isn’t. He knows suggesting Dean doesn’t trust him enough isn’t fair. When he was spying on Sam and Dean and Bobby he made specific note of “Dean trying so hard to be loyal” and defending him fiercely. (In fact—was there anyone Dean trusted more at that point in his life—despite also clearly being hurt by Cas ghosting him? Bobby, maybe. That's about it.) When Cas came back and tried to retroactively claim entitlement to Dean’s trust, he suggested an imbalance of trust because he was trying to dig into that part of Dean that is loyal to his friends. In other words, he was telling a lie for manipulation purposes, and that's just the damn truth. It isn't some crap about Dean having trust issues. It's Dean not buying some crap Cas is trying to sell—a twisted picture he is trying to paint to avoid doing something worse to get Dean out of his way.

It is insane for people to say Dean doesn't care about Cas as much as Cas cares about him though when you consider Cas hurt someone Dean loves just to keep Dean out of his way—he broke Sam's brain—Sammy's brain—and Dean still found a way to forgive that despite all of the trauma he has wrapped up in protecting Sam, and then he fought 360 degree combat through Purgatory looking for someone who abandoned him. Then while that person was beating him to death he was looking up at him calling him family and Cas again abandoned him. Any time Dean expressed affection for Cas there was a good bet Cas leaving would follow quickly. But Dean approaches Cas in a way the majority of fandom refuses to approach all of the characters—with an understanding of his motivations and hangups and intentions and what is in his heart (and Cas approaches him the same way). Despite it all, Dean knows that Cas cares about him. He doesn't understand why Cas won't include him though—or he does, and the reasons aren't okay with him and Cas will. not. stop. and that is the ever growing festering wound that leads to the divorce arc. It is absolutely 100% a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation. Dean's frustrations with Cas's unilateral decision-making are not... ever dealt with. Cas wanting to ghost Dean is not ever dealt with. Cas Malewifing sidelining Dean whenever he damn well feels like it by just refusing to answer the phone is not ever dealt with. Because each time it's discussed, it happens again. The ultimate narrative is just that Dean should be expected to accept it, and be grateful, and I don't think that's fair. I don't think that refusing to communicate is something that Dean should have to put up with from his best friend. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But more than that, I'm sad that it's something Cas isn't allowed to grow from, because that tendency—that desire for that secrecy and control of the means of communication and that desperation for martyrdom—that is coming from a place of great pain for Cas—a wound—and it's a deep one, and he deserved to get to start to close that wound up and heal.

#mail #dont feed the stans after midnight

[uh-velkommen]

More Thoughts On Gen V:

Mental Health:

I've been watching some reviews on the show and I think one thing that constantly gets overlooked is the conversation around Mental Health. Initially it's Emma who is the purger, her ED is linked to her powers (or so she thinks). Then we learn that its more so about her feeling small, being made to think she is unworthy or nothing. Marie is a self-harmer, whether or not you see it that way, she needs to hurt herself in order to use her powers (for now). It could go one of two ways, she hurts herself and then excuses it as "using her powers" (much like Emma) or it's just a bad habit that is subconsciously linked to her emotions (again, like Emma) and I don't think we'll get a clear answer on that until the next season within The Boys - Cinematic Universe (TBCU). But just think about how many times we see her cut to use her powers in the height of a negative emotion versus when she uses them through other means. Most important of all though: The fact that everyone in The Woods who was given Compound V, has a mental illness or disorder. We know this because Dean Shetty, who runs the thing, talks about her experience as a Phycologist and Sam quite literally has Schizophrenia. She chose to experiment with these children in particular because who would want mentally unstable kids with super powers running around? These kids, to her and the rest of the world, are disposable. They are dangerous, until controlled. Now think about Emma and Marie, aren't they dangerous? Well, no, because their illnesses are "hidden." And it's a perfect commentary on how we talk about mental illnesses today. Everyone wants to raise awareness about mental health until they're met with an illness that has potential to villainize the person who has it.

Gender Queerness:

I love Jordan Li! I think the backstory, having them be Chinese and their Dad sharing how proud he was to have given birth to a son where gender preferences with children is still such a hot topic in Chinese culture, was a brilliant move. I think about how if Jordan had never been given Compound V, they probably still would've experienced issues with their gender identity. The Compound V gave them a gift. (I like to think that Compound V only emphasizes something within the individual, like with Emma and her almond mom or the invisible dude and his perviness but I haven't seen enough evidence to prove this canon). And when Jordan and Marie got together I was so happy to see a Lesbian Protagonist double POC interracial relationship on steroids, except whenever they were together, Boy Jordan would appear and I got mad at the show for being heteronormative. But once again, TBCU came through and gave Jordan the opportunity to talk about how they feel like they have to be a boy for Marie, opening the floor for that conversation to happen between the two sometime in the future. It's a point on having to perform to make other people comfortable. The last thing was something I didn't even notice until Marie pointed out, was how Jordan always turns into a boy when they want to be heard or when they need authority. It's a beautiful note on how aware Jordan is of the privileges that come with passing as a boy. Jordan works with the patriarchy even if not fully intentional. It's the inherent entitlement that is instilled in men and the cultural influences that queer people have to actively unlearn in order to fully be themselves. (Also I feel like I made some poor word choices in the last bit. I'm not anti-men, just couldn't think of another way to say it😅)

Racism:

This part is so simple yet it didn't click in my brain until just now. Throughout the entire show we are being fed the idea that Vought could not have too many POC in the spotlight at once. There's no way a bigender Asian kid could be number one. We can only have one Black person in The Seven at a time. But we're watching this show under the guise that we will get a happy ending. The good guys are going to win this... Did you forget what show you were watching too? Homelander shows up at the end and we think the fighting will stop, until he damn near uses a slur at Marie. The NEW Guardians of Godolkin are two blonde-haired, blue-eyed, do-gooders and we realize that the finale had been foreshadowed the entire time: The minorities can never come on top.

#Gen V #The Boys #TBCU

[lyconite]

When is a Feather Not a Feather?

The original prompt inspiration. Format is like this because this was originally a series of tweets.

Dean’s brow knitted as he stared at his empty palm, ‘Cas, what am I holding?’ There was an invisible weight resting gently in his left hand, soft and subtle between his fingers as he tried to grasp it with his right. Whatever it was, it both did and did not exist.

Castiel tilted his head as he looked at him, confusion clear on his face, ‘one of my feathers’ his brow furrowed, ‘but you shouldn’t be able to see or feel it.’ Dean felt his eyebrows climb, ‘An angel feather? I didn’t even know you had real feathers; we’ve never seen them.’

Castiel frowned, ‘I don’t; it’s not a feather.’ Dean sighed with barely-concealed exasperation, ‘Cas, you literally just said it was a feather.’ The angel took a step forward and reached out as if to take it, but Dean pulled his hand away, ‘if it’s not a feather, what is it?’

A slight frown curved Castiel’s lips in frustrated, ‘It’s a piece of my true form.’ ‘A piece shaped like a feather?’ Dean clarified. ‘Yes.’ ‘A piece that 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 like a feather?’ he asked, a light, playful curl to his voice. ‘Yes’, Castiel replied curtly, already annoyed.

Fighting to keep the slight quirk from showing on his lips Dean pressed further, ‘A piece of your true form that acts 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?’ Castiel’s stony silence was deafening, and Dean basked in it with barely concealed enjoyment. ‘So, a feather then?’

Castiel huffed lightly, putting his hand out, ‘Just give it back Dean.’ ‘Why can I feel it?’ Dean didn’t realise the curiosity had been eating at him until the question had slithered its way out of his mouth unbidden. When the angel didn’t respond he prompted him again, ‘Cas?’

The smaller man threw his hands up in defeat, ‘Just keep it then Dean, do what you want.’ The hunter looked down at his hand, only to stare transfixed at the pale ghost of a downy shape that now lay shimmering in his palm, soft and iridescent. ‘Cas, why can I see it?'

When his question was met with more silence Dean looked up, surprised to see a shocked look on the angel’s face. ‘Cas?’ Castiel rubbed his eyes wearily, quiet for a long moment before he spoke, ‘It means our bond has grown more profound. It means that I…trust you intimately.’

Dean quirked an eyebrow slightly at the choice of words, but he still didn’t follow, ‘Why would that have changed in the last two minutes?’ Castiel sighed tiredly, ‘Because you’re an idiot...’ ...𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. Click here to read more from the collection📚

#destiel fanfiction #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #deancas #minific #flash fiction #ficlet #supernatural #spn fanfic #Lyconite's Minifics #dean/cas #dean/castiel #fanart #spn fanfiction #fluff #sweet #feather #Lyc'sArt

[steely-eyedmissileman]

Supernatural, Ep. 3x16

so this is it. the season finale. luckily for season three, it's my favorite finale so far. unluckily for season three, it was still not that good.

lilith is a genuinely terrifying villain as the little girl. as katie cassidy, she's mostly scary in that she is reminiscent of the little girl. like, the little girl was bone chilling. the fact that she took this family hostage is scary enough, but the fact that literally everyone else in the neighborhood is a demon is a better layer on an already terrifying cake.

bobby is in this episode, but doesn't get to participate in the action, which is fairly typical for bobby. his trick with the sprinklers was genuinely inspired, and one of the moments i love about supernatural. every so often they manage to do something spectacularly clever. unfortunately, those clever things are usually quite minor, and overshadowed by incredibly unclear decisions.

ruby is back at it again. unfortunately, i don't find ruby particularly compelling as she is on the screen. on paper, there's a lot to ruby that interests me, it's just that i never see it. i'm sure part of this is the writing and directing, but i think a large part of it is katie cassidy herself. every decision she makes is so hit you over the head that it erases any potential subtlety to the character. i think there's a lot to be done with ruby, but i don't know that katie cassidy can do it. also i just can. not. get past the laurel lance of it all.

sam is, once again, just kind of sitting on his ass plot wise. he is incredibly willing to let other people make his decisions for him. dean tells him not to follow ruby's plan, and he doesn't fight that hard for it. it's only when the chips are down, when he's absolutely sure that dean is going to die, that he tries to actually do it. the longer i spend with sam, the more passive he seems, which is a bizarre choice for the main character of a show, especially after three seasons. i want him to fucking do something, anything, instead of just doing whatever dean does. and his storyline has been completely dropped. did he come back wrong? did he not come back wrong? they haven't resolved this plot line, but they also haven't talked about it for ages. am i just supposed to forget about this? on the one hand, i want to because he is doing a Bad Job of coming back wrong. on the other hand, it has potential to be a compelling storyline, and it shouldn't just be abandoned even if it didn't.

and dean... my sweet baby dean. he has a genuinely brilliant moment capturing ruby and stealing her knife. like this is a really smart guy. and he's great at reading people, particularly sam. he knows what sam will do and he twists that to his own ends. point for dean.

but, the climax of this episode, and of the season, is dean's death. it is disappointing. he does not get ripped apart by hellhounds, just mildly injured. and he still dies. i like the fact that hellhounds are invisible, but other than that, this death is just kinda meh. and he deserved better, you know. also, hell is just kinda meh. like this is actual literal hell. this is the thing. and it just looks like terrible cgi.

i know that there was a writer's strike when this season was being made (echoes of today, i suppose). but i feel like this season would've been fine at best without that pressure. the bones of this season are okay, but the muscles are bad. the fact that the skin is also bad is more an accident of temporality than anything else. but that doesn't change the musculature.

my final thoughts on season three: i liked it better than season two. that's not a compliment by the way, it's an acknowledgment that it's pretty easy to step over a bar lying on the ground.

#supernatural #oh no oh god #semmwatchlog

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 272

Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell/Smile

“Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell”

Plot Description: The Winchesters must unravel a complicated case of a demonic deal one wrong when an invisible hellhound claims a soul at a campsite

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: yes because I wouldn’t be camping. Too many people on supernatural die while camping for me to ever go

Aw man, they were (maybe) gonna get engaged

Deeeeeean being interested and still grossed out in how many monster parts are…all over him

Why is Sam’s……….Sam named his monster hunting algorithm Frodo. That’s so unbelievably cute. Sam has a Frodo he takes along to defeat evil 🥹

What….what is Cas even investigating?? I forgot that this came out before last year for a second and I really thought this guy believed the queen was killed by aliens and not that she was one

I hate this restaurant owner. Even Castiel can see through his bullshit

Unfortunately, there IS something, but it’s not aliens, it’s angels and demons

Literally though, I am ON Crowley’s side but in the way I’m terrified for him. He’s been so much about self preservation this WHOLE TIME, why would you fuck up and do to Lucifer what he did to you?? Are you out of your goddamn mind?? He is AWFULLY sure of himself and i don’t think he should be

Has he been spending ALL his time taunting Lucifer instead of his Hell responsibilities??

I get so tickled when normal ass people get dragged into conversations they shouldn’t around the Winchesters. This woman doesn’t NEED to know the whole backstory of the hellhound that tried to kill her straight from Crowley’s mouth, but she’s getting it and she’s taking it surprisingly well

Omg did these demons double cross Crowley and purposely let out the hellhound that’s only loyal to Lucifer?? It’s really that simple? Look, I love Crowley as a character but the simplicity of Lucifer’s plans is so fucking good

Ok nope, they did this on their own (probably…maybe?). They planned all that out of loyalty to Lucifer, but Lucifer had nothing to do with it (maybe). Crowley really needs to get his house in order

Do you really WANT to be back under Heaven’s thumb, Cas?? You know better…you know who your family is.

Lucifer is gonna kill these demons IMMEDIATELY after getting freed. He doesn’t have the bureaucratic heart Crowley does….he doesn’t care about the deal he just made. HE’S THE ACTUAL FUCKING DEVIL FROM THE BIBLE

I get it, girl. I, too, would like to give Crowley a hug. He’s gonna need it

Sorry not sorry for loving characters that sit like this, especially on a throne

Oh holy shit. How…how did Crowley turn off Lucifer’s ARCHANGEL POWERS?!?! How’s he absolutely kicking Lucifer’s entire ass? I’m not attracted to Crowley but this is doing something for me. So much for Crowley getting soft over the years

I know that name from Good Omens! Dagon was not as powerful in that…

Castiel. I can’t believe you’re going back to heaven…

SAMUEL I-DONT-KNOW-YOUR-MIDDLE-NAME WINCHESTER!!! I don’t know how I didn’t see it. I’m feeling a little dumb that I got fooled. To be fair, there was a lot that went on between when I watched yesterday’s episode and now. Of course “Frodo” is actually the BMoL. I’m so mad at him and me

Oh Dean. Dean. Deeeeeeeeean…you shouldn’t have had to find out this way. More people need to be honest with him forever and always. How can you look at his betrayed face and ever want to see that again??

He’s taking it way better than I expected. Is it practice? From feeling betrayed so often? And so recently? He’s still hurt though….

"Smile"

Plot Description: The Doctor takes Bill to a spectacular city--but where are the colonists?

Ahaha! I've wised up since last time! Now, WHY does my tv like to occasionally not show the video and only give me the audio? I don't know, but at least now I know better than to think they're gonna serve me up a blank screen for ten minutes.

As a mode of transportation, the TARDIS is a funny thing. It CAN take you anywhere, but hearing that you don't steer it, you negotiate with it...maybe I've been a driver too long. Even though driving is basically second nature, hearing about having to actually negotiate with your mode of transportation....like....we haven't had to do that since horses.

Why...why is the Doctor not supposed to go off-world? Like, I'm glad we're finally finding a balance between the Moffat- and RTD-esque seasons, but I do want to know now, please and thank you. Also, why doesn't Nardole like Bill?? Bill's great!!!!

Oh...I don't like this place they're going. It is literal toxic positivity central. If you get too sad you get basically vaporized??? Boooooo

Oh good, the explanation (so far) is he did a thing, something happened, he made an oath to not leave Earth. Thanks, Doctor.

I know there's a difference between hieroglyphs and memes and emojis when it comes to communication, but i do love that a form of picture communication has survived millions of years onto humanity's first colony. Did it have to be emojis though?

Omg, the little emoji badge the Doctor has and it's puzzled face is adorable. However...the reasoning behind it is less cute. Oh, when he said skeleton crew...he...he meant the crew sent here to set everything up has been turned to skeletons

I doubt you'll be safe outside of the city precisely because you said you would be. However, in the TARDIS seems pretty safe.

It's so funny that this "have to appear happy" story was given to Twelve. The only one who could possibly also have such a funny time doing this is Nine. Ten and Eleven could appear genuinely happy at any moment if they needed. Twelve needs to convince these robots, and he still doesn't SOUND happy

Billllllll, don't let the TARDIS hear you call this a proper spaceshippp please. I like you too much

Actually, Bill, I'm so sorry I said that to you. This is like a Star Wars spaceship...the interior makes no sense and OSHA would have a FIT if they could see the lack of railings on these bridges. You were right

Someone, anyone, George Lucas, explain to me why very important technology is always kept in the middle of four walkways over the gaping maw you’re generously calling a room and there are no railings, pleasenowtellmeyes?

Coolcoolcool. All the work the Doctor did just now is for nought and he may have egregiously fucked up…I KNOW they’ll save humanity, they always do, but HOW? Yeah. So he was TRYING to blow up this whole city…….until the people who were cryogenically frozen started waking up.

Oh. Fun. I mean, it does make a certain amount of sense that these robots would start to learn and expand their knowledge, wrong as it may be, that grief is the enemy of happiness and that to eradicate anything that doesn’t bring happiness, you actually have to kill the very people you’re there to help keep alive…which just causes more and more grief. Yikes

Don’t vaporize the kidddddddddddddd. Please don’t do that

Ok ok ok. You hit the reset button, you turned it off and turned it on again, you wiped the robots’ memories, but did you disable the function that allowed them to do what they did? Did you keep them from killing everyone again somewhere down the line??

What a weird solution. Like, sure, the Vardi (spelling optional) became sentient and are therefore pseudo-indigenous to this planet (brought here not sentient, gained sentience while here), but to then make them basically the humans’ landlords and potentially force the human race to only exhibit ‘positive’ emotions for the rest of their time on this planet is A WEIRD SOLUTION, DOCTOR

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[hermywolf]

hey so this is pretty random but I was just wondering about this and thought you might be willing to talk more on the subject! in an earlier post you mentioned that Anna Milton was a dean mirror according to you, and I've never considered that before and I wondered in which way you see her as a Dean mirror? just a question, you can just ignore this too if you don't feel like answering <3

okay so honestly my approach of anna as a dean mirror is mostly just based on those two times they had an actual conversation in heaven and hell, which was apparently supposed to be flirting but my brain just saw it as that one recognition through the other image

just. like although i think she parallels cas in her love of humanity and falling it wasn't really on the cards at the time and therefore not meant to be a voluntary parallel, so her talk with dean in which she talks about humanity and free will being worth fighting for, i feel really resonates with dean and reminds him of what his entire fight has been about

also her listing 'loyalty, love, forgiveness, chocolate cake, sex' as things that make humanity worth living is very dean, and what makes him accept her point of view, because he can relate. that and her 'stealing his best line' very much made me feel like they ultimately have a very similar approach of humanity and pleasure etc

then there's the heavy chuck/john parallels and their similar daddy issues which they talk about several times, like when she mentions being an angel is not doubting and being 'perfect, like a marble statue. cold, no choice, only obedience' which i feel also very much relates to dean's loyalty to john to be a ‘good son’. then they get even more on the face with the parallels when she says 'i was stationed on earth, just watching, silent, invisible. out on the road, sick for home, waiting on orders form an unknowable father i can't begin to understand' and he literally answers 'i can relate.'

and then a few minutes later into the episode she literally tells dean 'i don't know, maybe.. i don't deserve to be saved' which i think is a direct callback to cas telling dean 'you don't think you deserve to be saved.' he relates to her again when she says 'i disobeyed. maybe i gotta pay' and he says 'yeah, well. we all have things we need to pay for' which makes them talk about hell. (her quote makes me think of dean saying that same thing over and over everytime sam tries to point out john's abuse too tbh)

just. overall most of 'heaven and hell' is just anna saying things about her experience with being a daughter and with humanity and with her daddy issues and dean just going 'haha samee' (which is something they did several times by making dean’s love interests/sexual encounters parallel him for example with the wendigo girl or bela or jo. this post points it out as well)

like. i feel like although she very much is the cas blueprint she's also very much a dean mirror — actually maybe she is a dean mirror BECAUSE she is the cas blueprint since most of season 4 dean reaches cas through their similarities. specifically their daddy issues and love of humanity as well. i feel like what happened is that anna used her own experience to reach dean and remind him humanity’s worth fighting for, and then when anna tried to do the same with cas and he betrayed her to heaven then dean did the same thing to cas in her stead, teaching him what about humanity is worth saving (i do think dean still thinks to this day what he did with cas to convince him to betray heaven was replicate the way anna reached him, when in reality contrary to anna or dean who ultimately fight for humanity and free will as a whole, although cas cares about humanity a lot what changed his mind in s4 was dean himself, as a person and a soul and a physical representation of humanity, more than the cause in itself.)

anyway sorry i went on a rant i just. really love talking about anna milton so thanks for your ask lmao

#spn #spn meta #anna milton #dean winchester #hermy posts

[jawritter]

The Devil And I

Part 1

Summary: What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? You survived after you thought your mate had died, but how will you survive finding out he's alive, only different.

Warning: Heartbreak, pining sickness, ABO dynamics, ABO, angst, tears, I think that's it for this part.

Pairing: Alpha!Demon Dean x Omega!Reader; Alpha!Dean Winchester x Omega!Reader

Word Count: 1965

A/N: I decided to bring this little mini series over to you guys from Patreon because I have been so busy working on a series that I haven’t been able to write any new one shots, and you guys have been asking for some ABO. This is a little different from my normal ABO series, and it’s totally unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this one!

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Life has a way of fucking with you. The things you thought you had gotten over and permanently walked away from have a way of coming right back around to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

It took years for you to get over Dean Winchester. Nights of panic attacks, nightmares, near death-inducing heartbreak, and suffocating grief that you honestly thought would be the death of you. Finally, one day at a time, you started to surface from your title wave of gut-wrenching emotions and heartache to start to live a little again at a time.

It has taken you years to get where you are now. To be able to get up and function like a normal person. To be able to eat something, and keep it down. To be able to sleep through the night, on most nights anyway. The only visible scar you carried on your body was your faded and disintegrating claiming mark that once marked you as Dean’s mate.

It was a miracle you had survived his rejection, and it was an even bigger miracle that you didn’t get pregnant through the whole ordeal, but to say Dean wasn’t exactly himself when he’d claimed you was an understatement. In fact, his eyes were normally not the bright green that was shining through the dimly lit bar you were both sitting in right now. They were, in fact, coal black when you met him, and they were black the last night you saw him.

You could scent him across the bar that you were working at when he walked in, and even though he scent was... different. Not as strong, not as sharp, more of the warm sandalwood, and pine than it was when he was with you. 

When he was with you there was a spice to it. Now that was gone.

You could tell by the way he’d held his body, and carried himself as he played pool with a tall man that you assumed was the “Sammy” he’d left you to confront, and the Omega that was with them, he wasn’t the same man. He didn’t seem as lethal, or like he could take on the whole bar with the very snap of his fingers like he had. He seemed… Well… Normal.

Dean had picked you up here at the bar one night when he came in alone, and you were drawn to him instantly. His scent was mouthwatering as it was now, and there was an almost supernatural pull that drew you to him. He took you in the back of his ‘67 Chevy, knotted you, claimed you, and that’s how you learned of the world of angels and demons. Most importantly that Dean wasn’t exactly human, and he owned you as well as your very soul.

You suppressed a whine and forced yourself to look down at the beer in front of you; peeling the label with your fingers as you tried to focus on the bottle in front of you and not the green-eyed man that was at one time your Alpha, but now was so different.

You could hear his boom of a laugh from across the crowd of people, and your heart felt like it was being ripped out of your chest anew. Well, what was left of a heart anyway. You thought it had all died by now, apparently, there was a little bit left.

When the pining sickness had finally left, and you miraculously survived it, you were convinced that Dean had died. That’s why the mark he’d left on you was fading, and that’s why he never came back for you.

Dean would always come back. Sure, sometimes it was covered in head to toe with someone else’s blood; but town to town, city to city, he never left you behind.

Dean was twisted, and he liked things hard, rough, and bloody, but sometimes there was a softness there that made you wonder what kind of man you used to be, now you knew, because it was standing right in front of you.

“You okay miss?” a young man asked you as he walked by your table, and you hurriedly wiped the tears away that you hadn’t even realized had fallen until the young man had got your attention away from Dean and his pool stick he was leaning on.

You cleared your throat and nodded before answering him.

“I’m fine,” you said, your voice so small that you barely heard it yourself above the sounds of the bar that filled the room.

The young man’s eyes followed the path of your previous gaze before landing back on you.

“That asshole Alpha do something to hurt you, Omega, the one that is leaning against the pool table?” he asked, but you just shook your head no, and after staring at you a few more seconds he gave up and turned to leave you in your misery.

You knew you had to get up and walk out of this bar, that people were going to notice that you were a mess, and you were going to attract unwanted attention from the other Alpha’s in the bar, but you just didn’t have it in you.

It was like some invisible force you had no control over was holding you to your seat, and even if you tried to stand up, your legs would collapse from under you, and you would then just be a puddle of nothing on the floor.

You watched every move Dean made. The way his body angled as he lined up his shot on the pool table, the way his tongue peeked out of his lips just enough to see the tip while he furrowed his brow in concentration.

Everything about him was so familiar but so different all at the same time. He was still just as beautiful, just as strong and heartbreakingly handsome. Still, he wasn’t the same Alpha that had claimed you. The mark on his arm was gone, and the scent was slightly different. It was almost like the demon had become the man again, and you were just left behind, and all but forgotten about.

The game of pool ended, and the winnings were split amongst Dean and the two other men playing against him and Sam, then after it was over Dean downed the rest of his beer as Sam slung his arm around his Omega, and they all turned to make their way out of the bar.

This was it, Dean was leaving again, and he was leaving without you. You felt like your chest had literally been slip open, and that you were about to die right there in that corner booth. You didn’t even realize you were following them until the cold night air hit your tear-streaked face, and the railing of the small porch attached to the front of the old wood-framed bar stopped you.

You weren’t the only one that noticed you had followed the three out of the bar. Sam’s Omega grabbed at his shirt and pulled until she got his attention, then pointed at you. You were frozen to the spot, too scared to move. The hazel eyes of the tall Alpha watched you for a moment, but you just couldn’t move.

Finally, Sam cleared his throat to get his brother’s attention, and Dean followed his gaze. One foot in the driver side door of the Impala, and his impressive frame hidden mostly behind the door.

You watched as Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion as his eyes raked over your trembling form before looking at Sam, who was looking between yourself and Dean. Both men shared a tense glance as if having some sort of silent conversation between themselves before Dean’s eyes found your own again. Even though the blurred, tear-stained vision you had, you could see how his green eyes sparkled against the darkness of the parking lot.

Looking at him this close, you could see the darkness that once was there was lifted; the man that you always assumed was underneath on full display.

“Omega,” he said, the deep tremble of his voice shooting through your shell shocked brain, making you flinch back as his voice seemed to send a joist of electricity directly to the claiming mark that was all but gone now.

“Omega, are you okay?” Sam asked, and you shot a wild gaze in his direction before your eyes fell back on Dean, who was gradually making his way closer to you, leaving the door open to his ‘67 Impala.

You could feel every fiber of your being pulling you towards the man that used to be your Alpha as if your body was calling out to him, and you wondered if he could feel it too. There was no way you could ask him because right now all you could do was cry.

Sam kept his distance but kept his eyes on you as Dean approached you slowly with his hands raised as if to show you he meant you no harm. The closer he got the stronger his scent seemed to become.

“Dean,” Sam said, a warning in his voice, and Dean shot a look at his brother that you didn’t understand. All you could understand was that this was your Alpha, and he didn’t even recognize you. You could see it in the way he moved, in his eyes.

Then he saw it. The faded claiming mark on your throat, and you watched as he tried to swallow around the lump in his throat.

He was close enough to grab you before he finally reached his hand out for you to take. “Omega, where is your Alpha?” he asked, still completely unaware that your Alpha was standing there asking you the very question everyone else was thinking; the one you had thought for months.

“You… You don’t know… Do you?” you finally made your own voice work enough to ask him. He turned his head in confusion and took a step closer to you. When he did, in a fit of bravery, you grabbed his large calloused hand and placed it directly over your faded calming mark.

You watched as his pupils dilated, and recognition swept over his face. He almost stumped as he pulled his hand away from your neck, around three shades paler than he was a moment ago.

“Dean?” Sam asked, and you vaguely noticed that his Omega was now standing very close to his right arm with her hand on his bicep.

“She… She’s my Omega… I claimed her when I was a demon,” Dean said, his eyes locked on yours, and you were pretty sure he could see your pulse racing just under your skin.

You were a shaking, trembling, mess standing there in front of the man that once was your Alpha. You felt like your world was spinning around you, and knew if he rejected you right now, and walked away from you again you’d never live through it. Not this time.

“Your, I’m sorry what?” Sam asked, sharing a look from his Omega to Dean.

“I’m so sorry,” Dean said, shaking his head as he took a good step back from. You grabbed the railing for support, and looked down at your feet, unable to look at the man that was once your Alpha.

“Dean, she’s not gonna…”

“I know Sam!” Dean yelled before his brother could finish his statement, and you almost hit your knees.

Dean instinctively reached out and caught you in his strong hold, and his scent surrounded you so thick that you felt like it was seeping through our very skin. The world started to fade from your vision, and the next thing you remember was everything going black around you.

Pt. 2 here

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ABO Forever: 

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Dean’s ABO

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#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester series #alpha!dean winchester x omega!reader #alpha!dean winchester x omega!you #x omega!reader #alpha!dean winchester #alpha!dean x omega!reader #alpha!dean #Omega!reader #x reader inserts #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #abo fanfiction #abo #alpha beta omega #jawritter #demon!dean x reader #demon!dean winchester #alpha!demon dean winchester #the devil and i

[freetobeafcknriot]

me: i have no time to write. also me, 1 hour later: i'm gonna fail this exam but look what i did :)

for midam week 2k21, day 1: expectations. (...well, kinda) (psa that this is canon divergence, take any knowledge you have of the end of 15x17 up to the end of 15x19 and throw it in the trash can where it belongs <3)

One of the many truths about life nowadays is that assumptions are a waste of time, but apart from malicious cases, it's generally not a sin or a fault to assume something: it's inherent to human nature, correlated to the natural instinct of making hypotheses and being curious. So really, questioning and wondering is good, but in some cases, it really is pointless. When everything is said and done, and Amara and Michael exchange a curt nod and a look that aren't a reconciliation yet, but don't seem cold or hateful either, for all their divergencies the archangel—or, well, technically God—does spare the Winchester brothers a look that seems to say, no, assert: don't mess anything up and if you do, don't bother praying.

Adam's presence at the back of his mind, inside their body, only does so much to mellow it. He is too tired to bother, actually, so the message is pretty clear. Anyway, between a moment and the next a brief conversation seems to go through between archangel and human. (“Man, I hope I never have to see them again.”)

(“If anything's amiss the only person who needs to contact me is Amara, so don't worry about it, kid.”)

(“Oh, okay, cool. Wait, hang on, what time is it again?”) Then, out of the blue, Michael simply announces, “We'll be off.” And it's not like they're planning on having a celebratory dinner together, but it's been, what, ten minutes? Dean squints at him, and Sam asks, “Wait, where are you going?” A bright flash of blue and the change of posture bring Adam to the front. His only reply is a hurried and curt, “I have class!”, and that... literally is the sum of it because then they're both gone in a flutter of powerful wings. No one there expected the last time they spoke to play off like that. Had there been some kind of actual bond or instance of caring between the three brothers, Sam and Dean would probably have been worried about Adam's state of mind. As it is, they're just left weirded out and bewildered for the entirety of twenty minutes. And Adam, well, he does have classes to attend. “...and a useless piece of paper with the instructions to put this thing together. Seriously!” “You know I can have it done and ready in an instant, right?” It turns out if there is any trait that resembles humanity Adam still has and, in fact, shares with the rest of his kind, that's the struggle of building an IKEA furniture. Michael knows that thing is supposed to be a desk, but it looks anything but one. The floor of their bedroom is basically invisible with the exception of the area near the window Michael is currently occupying and the bed, and Adam is currently fidgeting with a screwdriver. He casually points it in Michael's general direction and waves it around without looking at him. “Yeah, I know, but you don't need to, halo. I got this,” he says. “Hhm,” Michael blinks, vaguely amused and fond, but mostly blunt when he inspects the pieces of wood and says after a minor, hushed curse escapes Adam's mouth, “I don't think you got this.” Adam sighs, frustrated because he really needs to get this thing built and he's trying. It's not like he's going to have a mental breakdown for not being great at building a desk — let's be clear — he's just. . . well, it's only been a week since the almost end of the world. Okay? “Rome wasn't built in a day, it's fine,” he insists. Michael's grace engulfs him, soothingly. The sensation and the pulse of warmth are subtle enough to suggest that he senses a little part of that human soul he cares about so deeply is hurting a little, but knows he doesn't need to hover. He's just there. “That's a desk, not Rome.” Michael's voice is honey-like, a vessel of the affection that he carries in his very core and that, under his attentive gaze, seems to help wash away part of Adam's tension. Michael's mind may be preoccupied with even more matters nowadays, their visits to Heaven are a concrete testimony of that, but his main focus lies to his right, where Adam is. Where the only person he has left, the only one who cares about him and who Michael cares for in return, is. “Well, shit, I have all eternity to get better at this,” is Adam's final statement, before he tosses the instruction paper aside and looks at Michael, bright blue eyes filled with resilience and humor, and a smile that makes his cheeks pop up endearingly and the room so much brighter. (And he's not even aware of it.) Adam pats the spot next to him. “Alright. But no archangel magic.” He blinks, then adds, “Or godly.” He briefly thinks he should put that on a shirt. Swiftly and not even a moment later, Michael's apparition is at his side, on the floor. Quiet mirth smoothes the lines of his face when he imperceptibly quirks a brow in humor and hums, “If you insist.” He is so close that their thighs touch, and a buzzing feeling passes through at the contact. They both know what it is by now. Captivated, Adam watches as Michael idly takes initiative. “Here, you had the wrong pieces.” And, well, indeed, isn't that a sight to behold! But then again, that's their thing, isn't it? The entirety of their story — because that's what everyone is, at the end of the day. And it's not necessarily bad, it's just another way to see life as a journey. Your journey, your story; no one else's. (Not even God's. No, he stopped having a say in their story a long time ago, and there is a new one now anyway. A God who isn't a writer so much as he is a protector.) They trace it together; build it, write it down, sear it among the stars themselves. Together, little by little, and like I was saying, that has always been kind of their thing: unpredictability.

#midam #midam week #midam week 2k21 #[drops this unedited piece of whatever the hell it is and bolts away to go study] ILY DRINK WATER <3 #today i woke up and said #god!michael #rights!! #adam milligan #au #spn but better. not to brag <3 #ciel writes

[porcupine-girl]

This is long and contains more theater history than you probably want in a meta post but here it is anyhow!

Okay, here is my totally insane out-there theory that I shouldn’t be typing up, I should be editing and posting my lectures for tomorrow but here we are.

The pie scene that’s been released (see here) has a few things going on besides Dean being weirdly okay with Cas gone, more okay than Sam:

In the background we’ve got a truck that says Dabb’s Pies. Could just be a cute shoutout. Could be more.

Dean’s very first lines are “Oh, I don’t have a choice. This is my destiny.” This is the man who literally just spent an entire season freaking the fuck out over his lack of free will. Sure, Dean might make a joke about this, but the writers chose this to be (most likely) the very first thing he says one episode after finally shaking off destiny to get real free will?

Sam acts like Dean is crying and Dean responds as if he is trying to hide the fact that he’s crying when... he’s clearly not? At all? We’ve seen Dean cry so many times and it is not happening here?

(I say it’s probably the first thing Dean says in the episode because a) the scenes they release are almost always very very early in the episode and b) the music sounds like what they play when we come out of the cold open into a goofy Sam & Dean scene.)

Also do not forget that between the promo pics and the actual promo they seem to at some point deal with people who are very plainly dressed up as monsters but may or may not be monsters underneath. The initial photo took me to very meta places to start with, and it’s only gotten worse.

Okay so like, here are my crazy fucking thoughts that probably have nothing to do with what will actually happen:

Sam and Dean, of course, don’t actually have free will. They are still characters in a TV show written by other people. Dabb, in this case.

It’s Dabb’s Pies! Dabb is the one who caused the pie festival, and who is causing Sam and Dean to go there and eat pie!

My initial thought when I saw that photo, as it says, was “Did Brecht direct this episode?” Brecht was a playwright in the first half of the 20th century whose whole thing was breaking down the 4th wall. At the time theater tried to be as realistic as possible - hiding lights with set pieces, all sorts of stuff - in an attempt to make the audience forget they’re watching a play and get full immersion.

Brecht said “but what if we did not that?” and worked to make it explicitly clear to the audience that they are definitely watching a play and not real life. The movement was called “epic theater” or “dialectical theater” and the goal was to make the audience aware of their place as the audience and think critically about the thing they are watching as a play that was written and is being produced with the intention of communicating with them.

Brecht and others used a lot of techniques for this, from writing narrators and other 4th-wall-breaks into the plays to making it obvious that what you’re seeing are set pieces and props and not real things. Having what is obviously a man in a black costume with a skull mask play a monster (possibly a floating skull) would be right up his alley.

@shinychimera had a great comment on that post saying “They could squeeze a bit more meta in if it’s a real crew member playing something like a kuroko stagehand (from kabuki) who’s been pulled into the story…“

Kabuki is another theater tradition that explicitly does not try for anything like realism. You probably know it for its elaborate costumes and makeup, but yes, one part of it is that stagehands regularly come onstage to move things etc, dressed all in black and you’re supposed to pretend they’re invisible.

So anyhow what I’m saying is that what that photo SCREAMS at me is fourth-wall-breaking, meta, theatrical traditions that do those things.

I think the episode starts with what we’ve got here - Sam and Dean are moving on with their lives, probably on a pretty standard MOTW hunt, blissfully unaware that they are still not 100% free.

Somehow, this is going to start breaking down, Truman Show-style. I don’t know exactly how. A crew member wanders into the shot? Whatever.

From there it devolves into something super-meta and SUPER-trippy.

They realize that Cas is only in the Empty because the writers put him there, but somehow the fact that in real life Cas actually has affected the narrative in ways the writers didn’t expect is addressed. Cas loving Dean literally is something the writers never intended to be there but that grew organically because of who he is. Maybe same for Dean loving him back? Or maybe that doesn’t get addressed til later.

So now Dean knows that Cas really is the only real thing in his life and they gotta get him back.

However they get him back is gonna be, again, super trippy. They have to fight monsters like these, that are clearly not their-world-monsters but are people from our world dressed up as monsters.

They probably have to go through either Cas or Dean’s memories or both.

Dabb himself likely appears on-camera to talk to them at some point.

The one barn that that photo looks the most like to me is the one in On the Head of a Pin, which is one place where Cas could’ve died but didn’t (unclear whether it’s where they initially intended for him to die, sources conflict).

So maybe we’ll get a tour of the places where Cas’s love for Dean changed the narrative. Maybe Dabb himself will even explain them to us.

At some point, whether by Dabb himself or not, it will be explicitly mentioned that fans helped shape this, that we saw what was happening in Cas before they did.

IDK how this mindfuck ends but there is definitely kissing and Dean realizing that he’s been pushing down his feelings and denying them to fit a mold that the writers created for him years ago that doesn’t fit anymore.

So, uh, there you go. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#spn speculation #spn 15x20 #andrew dabb #why lamp #long post

[shatteredatthealtarofwinchester]

It really stings that Jensen literally had no one to back him up in the writer's room. He knew how harmful the ending they were pitched would be & he tried so hard to fight & he did fight so hard but when your co-lead of 15 years is against you with the writers, he could do literally nothing but take it or leave it. I feel like Dean was always more than a job to jensen but at some point sam became just a paycheck to his actor. & Sam got screwed over just as badly by the finale on so many levels too (I maintain he should've become the next gen of hunter's Bobby and Eileen should've become a lawyer and they should've run the bunker while raising kids).

But what really gets me is that during that same discussion with the writers, jensen still fought for Kaia, like we can imagine her & claire being together, being happy and it be canon compliant because of him. He couldn't save Dean then, but he was the reason Kaia was ultimately saved. (As far as we know, I sadly was not in the room where it happened but my god do I wish I was. Oh to have been a fly on the wall there or to have been there & invisible, able to get away with anything...) him & Robert Berens were the only people who went oh yes we have this indigenous female characters, made a pretty significant threat last season but we didn't address it again so let's address it this season (& bring back her original self who is also canonically wlw & allude to her & claire getting together). Because of him we can at least interpret that two canonically lgbtq characters got a happy ending in life and didn't get buried & forgotten like cas, charlie, max, charlie, apocalypse charlie, stevie, rowena (scene that confirmed she was bi got censored screw you see double ewe), Crowley, off the top of my head.

I really do feel for jensen. Like given past incidents, we should have known misha would be screwed over (it is sooo f-ed up is that misha getting screwed over by writers & the network is basically expected) but we never even imagined that they'd even try to screw jensen over as badly and as hard as they did screw him over. The show never deserved either of them & the show wouldn't have gotten as big as it did without them. No one could ever replicate what they brought.

At least Brianna who seems like good friends with jensen, responded with no comment when asked about her thoughts on the finale (which you wouldn't do if you had nothing but compliments on the ep), so he has at least one person in the cast on his side.

So much talking today, me likey! 🥰

Yes. I can fully support you in your thought that Jensen felt closer to Dean than Jared felt to Sam and this was totally clear. Jensen said so much stuff about how much he loves Dean, that Dean is his best friend, that he will always carry him with himself, that he will always be very protective about Dean and so on. Also the Spotlight just moved from Dean and Sam to Dean and Cas over the years, people pointed out that Jareds acting was average, later regressive... Maybe he really didn't cared anymore when it came to an end since Walker is his "passion project that has his entire heart."

You are also right that it just hurts fucking much to see that Jared didn't backed him up. Who else would be in the room? Dabb of course, since he wrote 15x20. Singer also. And Dabb openly said that he thinks he made very clear that he dislikes Jensen. Jensen had disagreements with Singer before also. To me it feels like it was SPN vs Walker, and while Jensen chose SPN, Jared chose Walker. Jared even said "You can't make everyone happy" while knowing that this ending will only please W*ncesties and B*bros, and exactly those ran from SPN to Walker.

You're right, actually it's kinda ridiculous that Jared called the ending magical and beautiful fullcircle storytelling while his own character got screwed as well. It shows that he didn't even understood the development of his own character.

Yeah, Bobo spoke openly about how Jensen fought for Kaia. He wanted the story to be continued, he wanted her back.

Yeah, the whole thing about Misha and how he was treated from the network... I'll try not to use abusive language here. Truth is, Misha saved and carried Supernatural. When he entered the stage, he won our hearts and the spotlight moved from Dean and Sam to Dean and Cas. When Cas was killed, ratings dropped. I did an analysis some days ago about the ratings of every single episode that include Misha vs episodes without Misha. Result: Misha made every single season better. He even was in every single seasons finale (except season 15, they didn't needed him anymore then and just threw him away.) Before they couldn't afford to kill him without bringing him back, they couldn't afford not having him in the main story. Weird for a side char, huh? Yeah, the fandom just loves him, you dumb assholes. And actually it made sense when Chuck said that Cas was the only one who grew outside of gods control. The network couldn't control him.

You are right, I never thought that the network would screw Jensen that bad. Never ever. But the show was over, what do they have to loose? They have a new series to promote now, and Jensen isn't in it, so... There you have the decision. Sad to see that they go with the average actor who didn't cared about his own character or the show he's been on for 15 years anymore. He didn't even cared about the fandom. All about money, huh?

#spn #spnfamily #spnfandom #supernatural #jensen ackles #misha collins #castiel #dean winchester #destiel #cockles #deancas #dean #cas

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

The Rooster Sunrise motel and the roots of the narrative at the sunset of the story. A masterclass in Dean characterization

If I didn’t care / more than words can say / if I didn’t care / would I feel this way? / If this isn’t love / then why do I thrill? / And what makes my head go round...

This song plays as Travis comes in to check at the Rooster Sunrise motel - late in the night, later than the motel technically allows checks in. Metaphorically, this episode happens later than it should. Everything happens later than it should. Dean defeats the monster too late, after it gets Travis dead. They’re running a case when they should actually be preparing for the ultimate showdown against God. Dean tells Sam the truth about Jack too late. The very episode is “out of place” in the season - I mean, purposely so - because it gives us a “old style” hunting case in a season where hunting has lost its original purpose in the narrative but has taken a different purpose, as a sort of caricature of itself, as we’ve discussed about before.

This episode is a last. Okay, we haven’t seen the next few yet, but this episode has a specific function, and it is to be the last traditional hunting case of the show. It’s about the past, and that’s why it can happen now that hunting can no longer exist, not really. This season, we have never had real hunting cases. Fake ones, weird ones, ones that just felt off -- obviously because the story is no longer working the way it did before. Chuck’s “hamster wheel” has been fully revealed, and the narrative can no longer function in the old way.

And this episode happens as... a sunset, actually. Or better, both sunrise and sunset because it shows us, in parallel, the beginning and the end. The first case Dean and Sam work together, and what is essentially the last, at least the last with the traditional formula - a monster of the week, a motel, a gross place, a civilian saved, some choking, some yeeting across a motel room, you know how it goes.

(The elephant in the room is the sun/sunrise imagery across the show, especially relevant after the latest episode brought back the Gas’n’Sip logo, of course, but let’s talk about something else here.)

There are many echoes in the episode. 2x11 Playthings, a case in a hotel that involved children. 11x16 Safe House, where a case was run both in the past, by Bobby and Rufus, and in the present, and involves a monster’s nest and visions. Of course 1x18 Something Wicked, where they defeat a monster that targeted kids after an attempt when they were kids had failed to get rid of the monster for good, and where we also get flashbacks of them as kids. And many other little references and callbacks. A pretty major one (*rubs hands together*) is 10x19 The Werther Project, where something supernatural causes hallucinations that make the victim kill themselves; Dean also almost stabbed himself back then. (Cuthbert Sinclair again... bless.) Oh, well, the pilot itself, where Dean and Sam comment that they make a good team. And then Carver-era secret and lies, of course.

And 14x13 Lebanon. (Yes it gets its own paragraph...) Dean smashing the stone in the ring, making the monster disappear, parallels straight to Sam smashing the pearl, making John disappear. The other monster of the episode is John, of course, who drops the kids in some motel alone while he gets “out of reach” when Dean tries to contact him on the phone (callback to season 1, when they kept trying to call John on the phone and he never answered, not even when Dean was dying or they were in their old house in Lawrence and terrified). John only appears as an invisible figure driving the car, symbolically driving their lives (all this “killing God and getting free” is nothing but a mirror to getting free from John’s influence, right). Callback to 9x07 Bad Boys, where we also see a younger Dean and we also deal with the weight of the lifestyle John placed on him, in an episode that features a literal ghost of a parent. (Heck, we even had Dean stealing food - in 9x07 he was caught by a policeman and brought to the boys’ house, now Caitlin jokes about arresting him.)

As 1x18 Something Wicked, we are presented with how growing up among monsters and hunting cases impacted Dean as a kid. Interestingly, Sam tries to reassure Dean in both episodes, telling him that he was just a kid and he shouldn’t be too hard on himself. In 1x18 he had ruined John’s hunt and put Sam in danger (of course the implication is that John put them in danger by using them as bait and expecting a child - addditionally unaware of what was going on - to watch after a younger child), now that he didn’t tell anyone about the nest because it was too horrifying to share that with other kids (of course, he’d also been a kid and shouldn’t have had to investigate a child-killing monster, so the implication is again that John shouldn’t have left them alone and unable to reach him in case of danger. It’s so telling that the episode has Dean discovering the bodies of dead kids while Sam is playing with another kid - although, of course, the game also turns terrifying soon).

So it’s an episode that has it all: the ghost of John Winchester, the way Dean’s parentified role impacts negatively his relationship with Sam (the episode establishes a connection between Dean shielding Sam from the horror of the monster’s nest and Dean essentially shielding Sam from the horror of the latest Jack news, it’s always about Dean feeling the weight of a responsibility to Sam because he’s Sam’s caretaker, even if he ostensibily mentions Billie’s plan and stuff as the reason of his silence), and of course the theme of FEAR.

I’ve been screaming this from rooftops pretty much since I’ve been here on tumblr - fear is the interpretative key to Dean’s character. Since season 1. Since the beginning. (You’re scared. It’s okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too.) Many posts have been written about how anger is a secondary emotion, when the narrative ostensibly had Dean be “angry”. Dean has dealt with fear almost his entire life, and this episode basically works as an asterisk to the season. Hey, we’re having everyone comment on Dean’s anger! Including Dean himself! He says he doesn’t know why he has these outbursts! Well, we do know. Little reminder here now... he’s scared. And he’s scared because he cares, because he loves so much, and when you keep losing what you love you are scared, scared of losing more and more, stuck in a hamster wheel of losing and losing and losing.

In fact, if losing Jack will stop the hamster wheel, he’s fine with it, because as long as they’re stuck in the wheel they’ll lose Jack again anyway, they keep losing everything over and over, Jack and Cas and everyone. In this episode he mentions funerals of hunters, friends, how they couldn’t even attend all the funerals of people they were close to. There were so many. They’ve always been so surrounded by horror and fear and death. He just wants it to stop. (Of course the plan cannot work, just like the immersion therapy method didn’t work for Travis. Well, poor Travis’ idea of facing his fears to overcome his trauma worked very well on paper, just like Billie’s plan seems to be the best option on paper, but we still have a few episodes still to see...)

This episode is an exploration of the motives of Dean’s behavior, and it spells them out very clearly. John’s abuse and neglect, the forced parentified role he had to take towards Sam since a too-early age, the nightmarish horrors he had to see (while shielding Sam from, which reminds me of the infamous scene about Max’s childhood...), the neverending chain of losses with its baggage of fear.

Dean wants - needs - to defeat Chuck, just like Travis needed to face his fears and overcome his trauma. Because Chuck means hamster wheel. And the hamster wheel isn’t just a theoretical lack-of-free-will thing. It’s not just about a philosophical/theological concept. It’s about the very real cycle of horror and fear and loss that Dean has spent his entire life in. It’s about a pile of dead children, both a metaphor for his brutally ended childhood and a very concrete example of what has been haunting him for so long.

His apparently “okayness” with Billie’s plan is not out of a revenge thing or lack of forgiveness towards Jack (of course we can add millions of words about Dean’s relationship with Death). His okayness with killing Amara is... well, only partly about punishing her for, as he sees it, toying with him. His anger is because he feels so much. If I didn’t care / more than words can say / if I didn’t care / would I feel this way?

#my spn thoughts #spn meta #spn 15x16 #spn spoilers #dean and trauma #dean and john #dean and fear #dean and anger #parallels #spn

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 202

Blade Runners/The Crimson Horror

“Blade Runners”

Plot Description: when Crowley confesses he’s been injecting human blood, Sam and Dean enlist the help of a former member of the Men of Letters to find the First Blade

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: well, um…I don’t necessarily know that I’d be in the situation the one human besides the Winchesters is in but it doesn’t look like he’s dead…yet…

CROWLEY FUCKED?! First Cas, now Crowley?!!

(for some reason though, I didn’t expect it to be a woman…)

Anyway, I can’t believe Crowley also drunk dialed Dean…there’s a lot that happens in these first few minutes

Part of me thinks this demon Crowley’s been with will sell him out to Abaddon….and I was right…ish. She was working for Abaddon all along

I knew Snooki was in an episode, but I didn’t remember it being THIS episode and as a crossroads demon

The way every demon backstabs every other demon

Oh no, he’s patheticccccccccc

This impromptu intervention for Crowley is actually really funny. With all the feeling he could muster (and somehow with a straight face) Crowley told Dean that Dean doesn’t know what it’s like to be human…

Aw, Sam, he’s just trying to bond with you

I just love how they’re treating the KING OF HELL like a misbehaving cat trying to sneak off with treats

Somehow Hell being at war is more predictable yet more fun than the angels’ war

I know Magnus is the name the Men of Letters use incognito but my first thought was “BURNSIDES?!”

Excuse me. WHAT?!?! I’ve been asked to suspend my disbelief a LOT for this show but just some dude who for names “master of spells” or whatever has a magical portal to his invisible fortress? I just…come ON

Ewwwww this guy sucks…called whatever the beings Sam and Dean killed as part of his test for them part of his ZOO.

The First Blade looks sick as fuck. Is it just half of the bottom jaw of some animal put on a makeshift handle? Yeah, that’s why it looks cool. It doesn’t even have all the teeth. That’s GOTTA be brutal to use

EWWW, I hate this guy MORE now. He’s added Dean to his “collection”

Every moment this guy is on screen, I hate him more. Thank god Crowley freed Dean….except Dean can’t seem to drop the blade after killing him. I knew this was going to be a problem (partly because I’ve seen this bit before, partly because of COURSE it was going to)

Poor Baby, she didn’t deserve to be ransacked and keyed

I can’t believe Sam was dumb enough to scheme about killing Crowley 10 feet away from Crowley…

It’s called self preservation, Sam, look it up

“The Crimson Horror”

Plot Description: in Victorian Yorkshire, the Doctor finds bodies with their skin waxy and glowing red

Me, muttering: it’s vastra. Vastra, not vriska. Vastra vastra vastra

Fascinating that the Victorians are allowing this woman to do this very-near-preaching

Vastra and Strax are actually a funny duo when just trying to get things done. I’d read domestic platonic fic of them when Jenny’s away

Oh I could not live in Sweetville if this noise is at all audible literally anywhere other than this giant weird room…sensory nightmare. Actually it sounds like the evil version of the TARDIS landing

Oooooooo, the look in vastra’s eyes when she turned around after saying she’s seen these symptoms once before, a long time ago. And when asked how long, she turns, does a little smirk and says “sixty-five million years” MA’AM

Not only do I not trust this old lady (because she’s kind of an obvious villain), but she’s gone and put salt down the front of her dress. Wtf is that about??

I love how Vastra sent Jenny here to be Doctor bait. She’s explicitly told to ignore all good sense and run towards every danger. But it’s okay because she’s very smart and capable

Oh shit. The Doctor is a victim of whatever’s going on in Sweetville?? I was wondering why we hadn’t seen him yet, roughly a third of the way through the episode

What the FUCK??? What are they…dipping those people in? What’s going on with the blind daughter?

Ew, people are so weird tonight. The blind daughter (I mean, thankfully) saved the Doctor from what would be certain death for a human but she’s keeping him like a chained up pet. You can’t do that!!

Why’s this kid speaking like a gps?? Literally ended with….ended with “you have reached your destination” HIS NAME IS THOMAS THOMAS? HE’S TOMTOM??? DW is pulling ahead in the “stretching my suspension of disbelief to its limits” competition

Ok what the daughter did was wrong, yes, but on a certain level she was just looking for a sort of companionship because her mom is horrendous

The fact that he can have compassion for her still is really nice. Oh good. He asked the question I’d been wondering: who is the mysterious Mr Sweet this weird factory is named after? And now that I know, I kind of wish I didn’t. A large, prehistoric red leech

Dude, THIS bitch sucks. She experimented on her daughter and played with her emotions and attachment and is now holding a gun to her head

This is like the bad version of the Magic Brian death monologue. Magic Bryan wouldn’t abandon Magic Brian…Mr Sweet is TOTALLY abandoning Mrs Gillyflower

Omg kill Mr Sweet. YEAH!!!!!! Go daughter!! Beat it to death!!

I love Jenny’s earnestness

These kids she nannies for are so clever. It’s fun

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[shirtlesssammy]

6x21: Let It Bleed

Then:

Dean and Cas broke up

Now:

March 15, 1937

Providence, Rhode Island

It was a dark and stormy night, and HP Lovecraft sits at his typewriter clicking away. He finishes his manuscript, and his door slowly creaks open. He pulls out a revolver and heads to the hallway, but quickly backs back into the room and locks the door. A window blasts open and a shadowy figure is there. He pleads with it --but becomes blood cannon fodder anyway. 

Dean continues to dissect what could have gone differently to prevent his breakup with Cas. Sam tries being the logical friend --but there’s no explaining heartbreak, folks. Bobby comes in to tell them that when Cas popped in for his late night tet-a-tet with Dean, he stole a journal. But don’t worry, Bobby had a copy. 

Upon reading it, Bobby discovers a mention of HP Lovecraft. Dean doesn’t know who that is --and you’re going to tell me the dude that knows horror movies like the back of his hand and reads Stephen King doesn’t know who the father of horror is? And I know that Dean lies to cover up things he thinks other people would look down on him for, but this would be a weird moment to do that. 

Anyway, Bobby thinks Lovecraft knew something about purgatory. 

Meanwhile, Ben is chilling in his room reading Cthulhu graphic novels while his mom is watching the sportsball with her new beau. Demons bust in and gut the boyfriend right away. One takes after Ben. Ben gets to his room and calls Dean in a panic. He doesn’t know what’s out there and he can’t get to the shotgun in Lisa’s closet. Dean tells him to jump out his window. It’s too late --Crowley’s there and has both Ben and Lisa. 

Crowley tells Dean that no harm will come to them if he backs off from the purgatory plan. 

Sam throws some salt on Dean’s wound and asks if Cas knows about this. “We gotta assume that he does.” OUCH.

While Bobby heads off to follow the Lovecraft lead, Dean and Sam set to finding Lisa and Ben. They summon Balthazar and tell him that Crowley is alive. He blinks and tells them Cas already informed him. They then tell him about splitting the souls in purgatory plan. Balthazar knew that too, ahem. He refuses to help find Ben and Lisa. 

Sam thinks they should call Cas. “WE’RE NOT CALLING CAS.” This is a man in pain, Sam, he needs time. 

Bobby, meanwhile, interviews someone who possesses a large collection of Lovecraft’s private letters. He asks about March 10, 1937 specifically, and the dude wonders if he’s working with the other guy --”trench coat, looks like Colombo, talks like Rainman.” We’re supposed to assume he’s describing Cas, but ?? okay. They’re competitors actually.

The guy tells Bobby that Lovecraft had a dinner party with other blackmagic followers. They were getting together to perform a ritual to open a door into another dimension. He has --or had-- letters describing the dinner. Bobby leaves, knowing exactly how the letters disappeared. 

Bobby discusses the case with Sam, revealing that one guest of the party -the maid’s son- didn’t die and has been in a mental ward since that night. He’s gong to interview the man now. 

Dean, meanwhile, is lining the demons up and taking them down if they don’t answer his questions. 

For Murderous Rampage Science:

Sam tries to get his brother to take a break, but Dean is 100% on an emotional bender and will not stop. Sam then heads outside to pray to Cas --pleading with him to bring Ben and Lisa home. 

When Cas doesn’t appear, Sam walks away, dejected. Only Cas is there, invisible to Sam. AND I WANT TO TEAR OUT MY EYES. 

Cas confronts Crowley. Crowley was “merely exploiting the obvious loophole.” Cas demands he tell him where they are. 

Crowley tells Cas the only way to save Lisa and Ben is for him to find Purgatory. 

For Literal Science:

Cas flaps away when Balthazar summons him. They meet in a wooded area, and Balthazar confronts Cas about his partnership with Crowley. 

Balthazar confirms that Cas would be the vessel to take on the souls from purgatory. He could explode from all that energy. Cas assures him he won’t (weeps). Cas demands Balthazar tell him if he’s with Cas, and Balthazar laughs but agrees. 

Bobby interviews the maid’s son, and discovers Cas was already there. Bobby asks for the story. The man tells what was said at the time, but then asks, “Do you believe in monsters?” He tells Bobby that the door did open that night, and whatever came through took over his mother. Then the others died. Bobby gives his condolences to the man, and he shows Bobby a picture of his mother. Bobby recognizes her.

Dean prepares his Tortures for Demons™ when his foot drags part of the devil’s trap away. The demon immediately gets the drop on Dean, only for Cas to flap in (or turn visible) just in time to save Dean’s bacon. 

Dean’s...ungrateful. Surly, even! Cas apologizes about Lisa and Ben, and he’s hurt when Dean doesn’t believe that he had nothing to do with their abduction. 

“Dean, I do everything that you ask,” Cas pleads. “I always come when you call and I am your friend - still. Despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats.” Cas is just asking for backup this ONE TIME. (And you know what? Knowing the crap these Winchester boys have pulled, I always felt like Cas made a good point here.) They lob soulful looks at each other. Cas promises to rescue Lisa and Ben if Dean will just PLEASE stand down and let him absorb every single monster soul EVER it’s NOT A BIG DEAL. This is entirely the wrong tactic, and Dean tells Cas to go back to Crowley and he’ll save Lisa and Ben on his own. 

Cas flaps away. Soulfully. 

Bobby arrives at Eleanor-the-Dragon’s door. She’s at a little cabin in the middle of nowhere - one of her safe houses. He confronts her with the old photo and demands to know her agenda. “You know, we’re not all alike,” she retorts. She reacts similarly poorly to Bobby complaining about sleeping with her without knowing she was a monster. BOBBY! WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT RIGHT NOW. She tells him that the world’s lucky that she’s who popped through the portal. The professor is on Team Earth. Bobby begs to know the secret of the portal so that he can protect her from Cas. 

Balthazar flaps in on Sam. He’s joining Team Winchester because he’s terribly concerned about Cas’s life choices. He flies them close to Crowley’s angel-warded lockup, and Dean and Sam swoop in to save Lisa and Ben. 

They split up inside the warehouse - always a sensible plan. Sadly, Sam “Soft Noggin” Winchester gets knocked out IMMEDIATELY. Sam plz. Dean bursts into Lisa and Ben’s prison like a little angry blur of knives and in short order, he’s killed all the demons standing guard. They start to flee, when Lisa holds Ben at knifepoint, her eyes flashing black. 

The demon goes all in on the mental torture, telling Ben that Dean’s his real father (JK!) and that Dean is Lisa’s WORST EVER MISTAKE. While Dean catalogues the internal damage, he and Lisa fight. He sheathes the demon blade and starts an exorcism, and I look directly at the camera. Demon Lisa’s got another trick up her sleeve. While the exorcism progresses, the demon grabs a tool and jabs it into Lisa’s gut. Then, she gives Dean a choice: exorcise her and Lisa bleeds out or let Lisa remain animate (but a demon puppet). Wrenchingly, Dean finishes the exorcism. 

He makes sure Ben’s armed with a salt-round shotgun and then they head out of the factory. Ben shoots his first demon while Dean shouts at him to “pull it together” and I...just…….

Guys.

I’m just going to box these feelings up and stuff them in my Dean Winchester is a Sad Child attic, while humming Cat’s in the Cradle to myself.

They find Sam and head for a hospital, Dean muttering the whole time that she’s FINE Lisa is JUST FINE she is FINE. Cut to the hospital where Lisa is NOT FINE, but also is not dead! Yet! 

Cas flaps in. 

Dean refuses his apology. REFUSES IT. But Cas didn’t come to apologize. Okay, he DID, but he primarily came to heal Lisa miraculously. Dean looks up at him like he completely forgot that Cas can heal. 

For Healing Cas Science:

In Jensen Ackles your face is a menace news, Dean displays grief, joy, relief, anger, betrayal, sad cat memes, and more in like less than five seconds of screen time. He thanks Cas for healing Lisa. “I wish this changed anything.” Regrets lie thickly between them. Dean asks for one more favor. He wants himself erased from Lisa and Ben’s memories for good. 

When Lisa wakes, Ben explains that they were in a car crash. Dean enters, and introduces himself as the guy who hit them. GAH. The shitty things these characters do!!! Excuse me while I hurl knives at the wall for a solid thirty minutes!

“I lost control for a minute,” Dean says, not AT ALL metaphorically about their time together. “And I just want to say that I’m sorry.” He heads out, leaving the Braedens entirely unprotected from future supernatural threats and missing a substantial chunk of their lives. Hope Cas also cleaned up Matt’s body??? And the busted door??? (Side note: does anyone else have weird squid emotions thinking about Cas willfully blanking their memories when his own memories have been tampered with time and time again? I SURE DON’T!)

Dean meets judgmental Sam back at the Impala. Sam, I see your judgment, and I judge thee valid. Dean talks about his emotions in an open and healt----hahaha nope. Dean tells Sam that if he ever mentions the Braedens to him then he’ll break Sam’s nose. He punctuates that with mournful, red-rimmed eyes which definitely deal at least 1.5X damage against Sam’s puppy eyes. They drive off into the sad music. 

Elsewhere, Eleanor Visyak leaves her cabin, only to encounter Cas behind her. Cas flaps her away. CAAAAAAAAS!

You QUOTE Miette??!!

Your chocolate's been in my peanut butter for far too long

What’s with the slow burn?

You’re just a man. I’m better off protecting myself

I’m officially on your team. You bastards

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #Lisa Braeden #Ben Braeden #spn 6x21 #let it bleed #supernatural season 6 #bobby singer #balthazar

[astudyinfreewill]

look what you made me do || 1/?

aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want

(i will be keeping track of these with a masterpost, just in case i need to find them again or someone enjoys seeing me go hogwild on lyric analysis, lol. also, there’s a wee treat at the end of the post!)

and without further ado, our first tswift x dean song is...

the archer

combat, i'm ready for combat i say i don't want that, but what if i do?

we start off with an extremely obvious line: dean winchester is always ready for combat - he’s been trained all his life to essentially be a soldier/vigilante figure, an ultimate warrior of sorts. the thing is... he doesn’t want to. when dean is left to his own devices, without his father to order him around or a Big Bad to spur him on, what he chooses to do is is cook for his loved ones, have movie nights with them, play music, tinker with parts to build something new. at his core dean is kind, and full of care for others, and his deepest fear is that he truly IS nothing more than just a killer or a weapon - hence the ‘but what if i do’.

'cause cruelty wins in the movies  i've got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you 

‘the movies’ here is just shorthand for everything he’s witnessed happening around him in real life. as far as dean’s experience goes, cruelty does win. why believe in softness and kindness when your father has taught you that either of those things is a weakness, and the world simply doesn’t care? 

as for the second line, well. you can guess what THAT’s about. dean feels so deeply, but really struggles to verbalise his feelings, often brushing them off until he explodes. we usually see him at his most vulnerable while praying to cas, but even then, you get the sense that he’s holding back on so much. (“cas, i need to say something--” “you don’t need to say it, dean.” so it goes, so it goes.)

easy they come, easy they go i jump from the train, i ride off alone  i never grew up, it's getting so old help me hold onto you 

a few points here: “i jump from the train” could easily be a callback to dean’s impulsive self-sacrificing ways, and “i never grew up” underlines how he never got the chance to evolve and grow into himself because he got essentially stuck in the “child parenting another child” role. sure, he had to be a mother and a father to sam, so in some ways he grew up really fast; in others, he was stuck as an insecure teenager, because he never got the opportunity for healthy emotional growth himself. 

and of course, “easy they come, easy they go” is a tragically accurate representation of dean’s most devastating insecurity: that everyone he loves eventually leaves him. mary died, john was constantly absent, cassie broke up with him when he tried to tell her the truth, sam left him behind for college, and then, of course, there’s cas... who just. keeps. leaving, one way or another, and dean just desperately wants him to stay - which also ties into “help me hold on to you”. the irony of it all, of course, is that dean wants castiel to choose not to leave, whereas castiel desperately wants to be asked to stay; and ain’t that just a fucking tragedy.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?) 

the first line is pretty self-explanatory: dean has been both aggressor and victim, both literally and emotionally. he’s a fearsome hunter who gets hunted down by monsters in turn; and he’s lashed out and pushed people away, while getting his heart broken in return too. 

but it’s the second part that really strikes me as a dean line, because the first half - “who could ever leave me, darling?” - is the bravado that dean wears like a mask. charming smile, a flirty wink, swagger in like you own the place, “i think i’m adorable”, “i’m a joy to be around”, etc. but the second part... that’s the whisper of truth behind it. for all that dean can turn the charm on and put on a brave face, he’s thoroughly convinced that he’s not worth sticking around for.

dark side, i search for your dark side but what if I'm alright, right, right, right here? 

so, can you say trust issues? remember how long it took for dean to believe an angel could be on his side, and then how deeply he came to trust cas? and remember how heartbroken he was when castiel betrayed them in s6, and how that heartbreak was covered up with anger when cas came back? yet, no matter how many twists and turns they go through, inevitably, dean ends up trusting cas with his life - he’s not only the definition of a ride-or-die, but he also trusts him in smaller, more intimate ways, such as letting down his guard and allowing himself to be vulnerable only around him, or praying to him for comfort as much as guidance.

and i cut off my nose just to spite my face  then hate my reflection for years and years 

...but because of those trust issues, and because of dean’s deeply entrenched abandonment issues as mentioned above, often dean ends up reacting to things more harshly than is needed, by lashing out in anger and pushing people away (or, in more than one occasion, through the infamous silent treatment). but we also know he immediately regrets it, because it ends up hurting him just as much, if not more. basically this correlates to his speech from 15x09 about his anger issues.

i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost the room is on fire, invisible smoke and all of my heroes died all alone help me hold onto you

there’s also the fact that having attachments as a hunter isn’t exactly safe, and comes with a shitton of fear of losing people - or remorse and regret when you do lose them. “the room is on fire, invisible smoke” - i can only imagine dean would still have nightmares of that fateful night when he was 4 years old and his mother burned alive on a ceiling (and so: “i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost). as for his heroes dying alone... mary. john. ellen. jo. ash. kevin. charlie. the list stretches way too long. it’s only natural he’d be afraid of losing cas too... especially since he’s already died multiple times, and dean has mourned him more and more devastatingly each time.

i've been the archer, i've been the prey screaming “who could ever leave me, darling”-- but who could stay? 

the same concept as the previous chorus, except that here the façade of confidence and swagger comes off almost as desperate (screaming “who could ever leave me”). but then we know overcompensating is kinda dean’s thing.

'cause they see right through me, they see right through me they see right through me -- can you see right through me? they see right through me, they see right through me  i see right through me, i see right through me 

and we circle back to dean’s constant fear of being found worthless, damaged, and unlovable. no matter how much bravado he puts on, his actual self-worth is close to non-existent, so of course he’d feel like a fraud, and it makes sense he’d fear other people seeing through his act, or wonder if they do - can cas see right through him? because dean himself certainly isn’t buying his own lies.

all the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put me together again 'cause all of my enemies started out friends help me hold onto you 

the first line just... hurts me a lot. i guess it’s the nursery rhyme sound of it, almost trying to take the bite of a statement which is, essentially: i’m broken beyond repair. as i said above, dean’s not buying his own lies, he knows exactly how much baggage and trauma he carries. and not to go back to the trust issues again, but it is hard to believe someone could see past that when there’s so much betrayal in your history (which, yes, has included cas at one point too, as well as sam, or, say, fucking chuck).

i've been the archer, i've been the prey who could ever leave me, darling? (but who could stay?) who could stay? who could stay? you could stay, you could stay... 

and then... we have the third repeat of the chorus, which echoes the first, softer version of it, but with a fundamental difference. this time, the rhetorical question “who could stay?” finds a pointed answer in “you could stay”. because yes, maybe cas leaves a lot, but he always, always comes back. so i’d imagine dean harbours hope that one day, maybe, cas will want to actually... stay for good.

combat, i'm ready for combat

and that hope kinda gives this final line a whole new lovely layer of meaning: dean’s no longer ready for combat just because he’s been trained for combat all his life; rather, he’s ready for combat because for once in his life, he has something to look forward to; something to fight for: the happy ending he deserves, where someone - perhaps someone in a dirty trenchcoat and tired blue eyes - will finally stay.

---

BONUS: literally the day after i started obsessing over this song as a dean song, i found a fanvid of it! if that’s not serendipitous, i don’t know what is <3

#spn #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #taylor swift #meta #mp #long post for ts #uuh how else to tag this #tswift x dean winchester #??? that sounds like a ship #anyway. i know there's been some interest in this so hopefully it doesn't disappoint #and if you wanna be tagged in these/suggest songs lmk!!! #lwymmd

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.13

Olympus, The Tower and Other Off-Limits Places to Find Gods at

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)   x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?)    Word count: 4280

Summary: Getting an appointment with Captain America isn’t exactly easy – especially when one looks like his deceased soulmate and his friends are very protective of his fragile heart. 

Warnings: mentions of violence, guns, amnesia, swearing, ‘science’

Story masterlist

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Hadn’t you had your nerves wrecked, you would have laughed your ass off when entering the Avengers Tower, the supposed residence of superheroes (besides other things, apparently).

The face of the receptionist upon your entrance was simply priceless.

You wished someone took a picture. Then again, her gaping lasted long enough for your trio to cross the better part of the lobby to her desk, her eyes nearly bulging still as you stopped in front of her, so you had enough time to feast your eyes – only to find yourself unable to indulge it fully. Clearly, you weren’t a diva type of person.

The woman behind the counter couldn’t form words, apparently. Neither were you, the lump in your throat simply too big. So it was left to the brothers.

“Yeah, we know what you want to say. She gets that a lot,” Dean announced brilliantly, smirking. Sam rolled his eyes at his brother’s behaviour and hurried to talk to the poor woman instead of him.

“Is there any chance we could talk to Captain Rogers?”

The receptionist gulped, clearly uncertain how to proceed. She frantically searched her desk as if she had some note to tell her what to do. In the end, she looked up back at you, blinking.

“I-I’ll see what I can do,” she stuttered as her shaking hands found a button to press and adjust the microphone on her headset. “There’s… there is a woman to see Captain Rogers.”

Low and very much annoyed female voice replied through the loose headphones.

“There are too many women to see Rogers these days. Why are you calling instead of following the protocol?”

The receptionist’s eyes never left your face, but she didn’t hold your gaze, as if shy or scared. You didn’t want to think about what it meant and prayed it was only shock showing. Seeing a supposedly dead person probably did that to people.

Also, really? Those nags whose posts (read: dirty suggestions) you had stumbled across when surfing the net actually came here?

“You might want to come see for yourself, madam.”

A short pause followed, causing your heart to nearly jump out of your chest as it hammered in anticipation.

“Fine. Send her to the conference room on the first floor, 1.03. I’ll be there in five.”

Dean sent the woman behind the counter a blinding smile and she reluctantly showed you towards the elevator. Sam had to nudge you slightly to follow; your feet felt like they had taken roots in the floor. It wasn’t just the receptionist staring now and you just wanted to turn invisible and run.

This had been a terrible idea. What happened to the Tinder one? It suddenly sounded more appealing.

The swift ride in the elevator that flipped over your stomach already floating as if was stuffed with cotton didn’t help at all.

Neither did the redhead who barged into the way too luxurious conference room (the door fucking opened itself), shooting you all three a quick glance that appeared like an assessment of weaponry (Dean did have a pocket knife, you thought, just like Sam, which probably wouldn’t help when fighting a superhero, but whatever) and froze when seeing you.

If she didn’t look so indescribably tough and badass, you would think her emerald eyes turned glassy; before they grew cold and calculating, her already tensed shoulders straightening even more.

“Who the hell are you?!” she barked out.

It was almost funny, seeing as there were two large men with you, that you had her undivided attention as if you were the threat to her.

“I… I’m not sure,” you stuttered, barely audible, your heart leaping into your throat.

Whatever she had expected you to say or do, this clearly wasn’t it. She looked gobsmacked and utterly taken aback by your response. Her stiff and delicately beautiful features twisted in a grimace of disbelief.

“What do you mean you’re not— what the hell is this?”

“You’re Black Widow,” Dean stated when the questioning look of the intimidating woman shifted to them. He looked… star-struck? You vaguely recalled reading that there was a woman on the… Avengers team. This was probably her. “Natasha Romanoff. Well, that would explain it.”

A metaphorical light-bulb flickered above your head.

Natasha. That couldn’t be coincidence, could it?

“The… the name I chose. You think it was because of her? Are we friends?”

“Are we—“ she parroted your apparently stupid question incredulously, measuring your trio from head to toe. “The name you chose? What does it even mean?”

“She’s amnesiac,” Sam enlightened her matter-of-factly, which caused her to snap her gaze back to you, eyes narrowed.

But there was a spark of something in her irises, more of an interest than suspicion now.

“Jarvis, is she wearing any tech that would disguise her voice or her face?”

Before you could question whom she was talking to, a voice with an accent answered her, making you jump.

“No, Agent Romanoff. There is no sign of a plastic surgery either.”

Sam and Dean seemed almost unfazed by an invisible person speaking up; thinking about it, they were probably used to it. But you weren’t, nearly going into a cardiac arrest.  

“Gotta love natural beauty,” Dean hummed teasingly, earning a glare from Sam that screamed hypocrite.

You suspected that the site named BustyAsianBeauties.com that popped out in the tablet’s history was Dean’s doing then and it eased the tension in your stomach for a bit. With those two, everything would be alright. Manageable, at least. The banter, it was the highlight of your days.

“And my recognition system involving body and gait analysis is finding 98% match,” the strange male voice continued and you couldn’t help but grimace.

Dude. That’s… creepy.

“Well, that’s just rude and invasive,” Dean voiced your thoughts and crossed his arms on his chest with a scolding look.

Natasha Romanoff was clearly having none of his shit as she mirrored his position. You noticed that while Dean’s arms were clutched tightly, hers weren’t. You had a funny hunch she wanted to be ready to punch someone. Namely you, Sam or Dean.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. But then her eyes shifted towards the ceiling, her teeth grinding.

“Jarvis, why didn’t you inform anyone about a woman who matches you-know-who entering this building in the first place?” she hissed and you couldn’t say you minded her irritation being aimed at someone (?) else.

“…I simply thought there was a glitch in my system. I focused on finding the glitch causing my malfunction,” the ghost-like voice replied politely, though sounding guilty.

Everything was pointing the direction of Agent Romanoff finding the system – artificial intelligence, you finally realized, which what the hell was the world anymore – very much guilty. Or someone named Stark, because you would swear she had muttered ‘Fuck Stark’s inventions’ under her breath.

“You three. Start talking. Right now.”

“You might want to explain the frauds too,” the voice chimed in again and the brothers tensed.

“What frauds?” the woman demanded in a snarl, giving you an impression of wanting to bare her teeth like and animal.

“We’ll get to that,” Sam assured her, raising his hands in attempted ‘we-mean-no-harm’ gesture. “It’s just… how we get money, because our job doesn’t exactly pay great.”

“…and the murder.”

The movement was so fast you had no chance of seeing it. All of sudden, there was a gun aimed at Dean’s face, then moving to Sam’s and flickering to you as well, as Romanoff stood two steps farer than before.

“What murder?!”

Good question, not the point at the moment. There was a murder about to happen and sure as hell didn’t like it!

This time, Dean raised his hands in surrender. You mimicked him instantly.

“Alright. Who the hell is speaking and I said it and I’ll say it again; it was a shapeshifter-”

“What the hell is a shapeshifter?” the woman barked, clicking the safety lock.

Your head started swimming, the world muffled as blood pounded in your temples. Someone had you on gunpoint.

Shit, shit, shit, how is this my life? Whose life is this?

“Cas, we could really use your help-“ Dean called out to the ceiling and nothing happened.

You heard the shot before you saw the movement on your left.  It rang in your ears, echoing in your skull and making you crouch on instinct, your arms protectively wrapping around your head.

Two more shots were fired, but no pain came.

Fear squeezed your heart, your knees getting wobbly. Did that mean Sam and Dean got shot?

A gasp from the shooter picked up your curiosity and had you peek through your improvised protection.

“Oh. I think you’ll get along with her, Dean. Same manners. Summon, shoot first, ask questions later,” a familiar voice of an angel sounded from your left and you breathed in shakily, assessing the situation.

No one was hurt. Castiel seemed offended though, so you assumed he was the one being shot at. And he was unharmed. Jesus. They had forgotten to mention that he didn’t really mind bullets, but that was not the point.

There were no other shots and you slowly straightened back as Dean scolded the angel, almost annoyed.

“Cut the sass, Cas. Could you… explain miss- Agent Romanoff that there are monsters and you’re who you are?”

By the look Castiel gave him, he wasn’t happy. You weren’t surprised – his beige trenchcoat now had three bullet holes in it, Romanoff’s gun in his hand. Speaking of which…the agent was kinda frozen? Like, literally? It was freaking creepy, but it was probably the cause of you not bleeding to death momentarily, so you were grateful.

“Again?” Castiel whined and you pushed down the urge to label them ‘married couple after 20 years’. “We work really hard to keep supernatural world a secret! … but in this case, I guess I could make an exception.”

He sighed and flicked his hand, which caused the woman to start moving again, her face raining holy fire as she found herself… unarmed and clearly out of loop.

Castiel only smiled at her, welcoming, before she could jump him and strangle him to death – she seemed to be about to do so.

“Miss Romanoff, I’m an angel of the Lord. Pleasure to meet you.”

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Agent Natasha Romanoff was sitting with her elbows leaning onto her thighs, fingers interlaced between her knees. Her face wasn’t giving away much – only that she was… overwhelmed, if you could take a guess.

She believed you, you recognized as much. After everything Castiel had told her and showed her, which included an interior thunder and lightning, illuminating his figure only to project a shadow of freaking wings on the wall behind his back, and a hovering healing hand over her left knee, clearly working its magic, you weren’t too surprised about that.

Despite all of that though, her eyes were mostly on you, making you shift uncomfortably every now and then.

“I know it’s hard to believe,“ Sam spoke up when the silence stretched; with the angel of the Lord having nothing more to say and simply flying away, disappearing with a flutter of momentarily invisible wings, no one else had seemed inclined to talk.

The agent sighed and raised her head in the giant’s direction, eyebrow crooked up.

“I know a guy who was frozen for seventy years, I met two demigods from Asgard, there’s a man turning way greener and bigger and I fought an alien army. I’m not sure what ‘hard to believe’ means anymore, but seeing an… an angel or whatever he was and him getting me rid of pain that’s been bugging me for months helped too. But… it’s still a lot to chew,” she explained matter-of-factly and you couldn’t say you didn’t agree.

Also, you weren’t quite following her speech, assuming she was talking about her colleagues. You had registered the existence of Avengers, group of people and more-than-people, when searching the net, but your main focus had been aimed at Captain America; for obvious reasons.

“Well, why don’t we let Cap decide what he wants to believe?” Dean offered, tone light, but heavier than usual. “Captain Rogers, I mean.”

The woman eyed you again, clearly struggling with something she didn’t want to share. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

Romanoff snapped to Dean at the simple question and shot him an ugly look.

“He lost his soulmate few weeks ago in the most horrifying way and there’s a woman who looks just like her, not remembering a thing about them or herself for that matter, and I don’t even have a way of being hundred percent sure she is who I think she is. What do you think?” she finished, rising to her feet in a challenge.

Sam pouted shortly, as if wanting to say that she made a good point. “Touché. But I’m pretty sure she’s her.”

The Whatever-spider-she-was-called crossed her arms on her chest, her mind clearly preoccupied, squinting at you for a moment. You winced under the strict glare, lowering your gaze. She sighed at that and when you looked up again with reluctance, you noticed her features softened.

“Would you be willing to take a DNA test?”

“I… I guess,” you replied, a lump in your throat. You clenched your fist so it would stop tremble.

You weren’t scared of their probing. A DNA sounded rather innocent. No, you were worried about the results. The results that would lead to certain encounter you were once again not feeling ready for.

“Jarvis, get Tony’s ass to Bruce’s lab and open the private elevator for us. We’re coming up.”

After another nauseating elevator ride in a cabin that had no buttons to press, a retinal scan of the woman and a sacred promise you wouldn’t touch anything without permission, you were led to a room that was less strictly clinical than you expected – you only saw glass walls separating the white part of another lab in the corner of the room.

The welcome was about as warm as with Lady Spy though.

“What the hell?!” two men cried out in unison, looking up from some sort of a robotic… thing, matching shocked and exasperated expressions on their faces.

One of them was in a lab coat, wearing seeing glasses, suntanned skin and dark curls wild around his head, while the other seemed more caring about his looks with short hair and a goatee; he was wearing a plain dark long-sleeved t-shirt and grey sweats.

“Yeah, I know,” the woman who had brought you in said, not quite elaborating. It didn’t go unnoticed by the goatee man.

“Who the fuck is that?!”

“Cap’s soulmate. Probably,” Dean responded dryly, smiling tightly.

The guy was having none of it as he probably should. Still, you winced when he threw up his arm towards you, brown fire in his eyes – partly directed at you, partly at the redhead woman. He paced towards your group rapidly.

“What? And who the hell are you? Romanoff? Who are these people? Where did you get them? Is that another stunt of yours? Is that what that Wilson therapist told you to do?”

Romanoff’s eyes narrowed, her forehead crooking. “How do you even know about- no, don’t tell me. But don’t look at me, they came on their own.”

“To this lab?” the man sassed her. She clicked her tongue, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, okay, that’s on me.”

“You trust them enough to bring them here?” the lab-coat man spoke up for the first time and shifted his weight from one leg to another, fiddling with his fingers nervously. You would swear you saw a hint of green on the side of his neck, but it must have been a trick of light.

“Long story. Wanna run some tests?” she offered, sounding rather commanding.

The goatee man narrowed his eyes, but quickly caught up, a flash of recognition on his face. “Good plan. Want Jarvis to update the security protocols?”

“Good plan. Though I don’t think it will do any good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he hissed, while the curled-hair man hesitantly beckoned you to follow him to the white part of the laboratory. You gulped at the sight, but hoped it didn’t show on your face much.

“Thanks,” you quipped up shyly, your fingers fiddling with the loose end of your plaid shirt. “Good afternoon. Sorry for barging in and interrupting your work.”

You didn’t know what possessed you to say that – perhaps you were wishing to smoothen the messy and rather hostile situation. To be fair, you were sorry; whatever they had been doing when you stumbled in looked important.

“Just… ask Jarvis later,” you heard behind your back and then the glass doors fallen shut behind you.

The man in the glasses observed you with brilliant eyes, curiosity, a hint of anger, confusion and a spark of hope written all over his face.

“We’ll see if it’s a problem. Who are you? Why are you here?”

You slowly climbed to the examining table, waiting for instructions, not sure what exactly he was about to perform. His questions were good ones, but there was a tiny catch.

“I really wish I knew answers to at least one of these questions, sir,” you whispered honestly, the pool of chocolate in his irises softening a fraction at your admission.

“You don’t know who you are?”

The velvet of his voice, soft question and gentle movements of his hands as he prepared your arm to take your blood summoned tears to well up in your eyes and you only shook your head, not wanting for your voice to break.

“But you’re here willingly, right? These men out there – they can’t hear you, don’t worry – they didn’t force you to come here, did they?” he continued kindly, a worried crinkle on his forehead now.

You were quick to understand that he worried whether two random fellas didn’t take an advantage of your visible similarity to Captain’s soulmate.

The shook of your head was more rapid this time, especially as you noticed the green patch of skin on his neck again. You understood finally that this was whom Natasha Romanoff was talking about – ‘greener and bigger’, she had said. You didn’t want to upset him, more so with a syringe in his hand.

“No. They have been helping me from the moment I woke up with no memory. They are very kind to me. We didn’t know to come here until we walked into a café and people were staring at me.”

As you explained it quietly, you barely noticed the pinch and the vial filling with your blood. He disinfected the puncture then, wordlessly instructing you to keep the pressure on it.

“Well. We’ll see if this can help us at all,” he offered as he placed the vial to a machine you had never seen before. “But if you are, in some impossible way, the person you are scarily similar to, we’re about to have a very long chat.”

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The chat wasn’t long at all in fact. The machine spitted out a result within five minutes in which you had returned to the cosier laboratory to witness the trio of Sam, Dean and Romanoff explaining to the goatee man how supernatural world worked.

He appeared sceptical, but Doctor Banner – as you learned – supported the spy when she pointed out her chronic pain in her knee that she now claimed to vanish.

Mr. Stark, aka the goatee man, seemed very relieved at the ping that sounded from his computer, an excuse to pause the weird conversation. Seeing the window instantly pop out in the air in front of his face, little lights drew some kind of results you couldn’t read.

You could read the actual text though. There was your supposed name, a series of lighter and darker bands, and next to it, a tested subject (actual you) with matching set of bands.

The match: 100%.

Stark’s head snapped to you along with Romanoff’s and Banner’s. They all stared at you speechless, disbelief at something beyond their comprehension clearly on display on their faces.

You shuffled uncomfortably, your gaze falling to the floor. You could still sense Dean’s and Sam’s satisfaction as they stood by your side. You, on the other hand, felt like you couldn’t quite breathe in, your chest too heavy and constricted.

“Well,” Stark broke the ominous silence, voice with a barely audible tremble in it. “Either you’re good, like really fucking good, or… you’re actually her, which… what the hell. People don’t just come back from death.”

Yeah, no shit. Tell me about it. And they told me that people actually do.

Too sheepish and not knowing what was a proper thing to say to that (was there even such thing?), you remained in your position and quiet.

Dean was kind enough to voice your thoughts though.

“Well, all of us, including the angel Ms. Scarily Pretty and Pretty Scary here met, did. That’s our world,” he stated, moving closer to your side as if he wanted to comfort you as he sensed your discomfort. Which probably wasn’t that hard. “I’m not saying it happens every day, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t happen here and there.”

“In the end, I don’t think it matters,” Romanoff sighed and you finally found courage to look up as her words shocked you.

What did that mean?

“Why?” Stark questioned.

“Because she’s already here. They should talk.”

“Why? That’s gotta hurt like hell if nothing comes out of it, Natasha. You saw how he’s coping. Or, you know, not coping,” Banner reasoned this time and you bit your lip, glancing away at the thought of hurting your supposed soulmate.

“What he said. But I wouldn’t say ‘hell’,” Stark supported him and then added for a good measure: “I’d say ‘fuck’.”

The woman huffed exasperatedly.

“Yeah, guys, I’ve been there for the past weeks. You said it yourself, Tony, I did look for a therapist. But cut Steve some slack, he’s trying. More importantly, this can’t be a coincidence. I don’t believe in those.”

Your heart fluttered at the mention of his name and you weren’t sure you wanted to probe at why. Having the picture of him in your head, his voice caressing your ears, then pleading desperately as he had tried to save you – and there was no questioning it anymore, was there, even the DNA had confirmed you were she and she was you – made one hell of a mess of you.

As if you hadn’t been one already.

“Explain.”

“When I told her… that I might have sent Steve her way the first time, you know what she told me?” Romanoff reacted to Stark’s blunt request and all eyes shifted to you once more and you panicked.

“I have no idea what she’s talking about, I clearly didn’t!”

“Enlighten us then?” Banner sighed, tilting his head to side curiously, glancing back at the other woman in the room.

“That it was okay. That either way, it was meant to happen exactly like it happened, because why else the words would have already been on their skin? Exactly those words?”

You blinked in surprise, taken aback at how much the words resonated with you. You could hear yourself say that and it probably shouldn’t shock you since you had your identity confirmed now, but… still.

When the spy spoke the words out loud, they made perfect sense.

“Wanna go all ‘you can’t escape the fate’ on me?”

Or maybe they didn’t, you thought grimly as Stark’s voice turned sceptical.

“Well, she wasn’t wrong, was she?” the redhead opposed him dryly, raising a challenging eyebrow.

The doctor grimaced, probably wanting to say something, but not having a counterargument.  

“That’s fair. But that was different. There are no words-“

“There are. Steve… he’s got a new set of words.”

“Aha!” Sam and Dean called out in unison, pointing their index fingers to accent Romanoff’s words, once again in creepy sync.

You, on the other hand, were less confident.

“Really?” you whispered, relief washing over you like a tide wave. You hadn’t been aware of how much the possibility of everyone being wrong weighted you down until now. What were the chances Steve Rogers wasn’t your soulmate – again and still – after this revelation?

The spy only nodded, sending an approximation of a smile in your direction.

“Wait, really? Son of a bitch.” - “What does it say?” Banner asked at the same time as Stark and you bit your lip.

Should you even know that? Would they tell you? If they would, you could say them to the captain and call it a day – but that wasn’t how it worked, right?

Should you like… cover your ears?

“He wouldn’t tell me,” Romanoff sighed, solving your moral dilemma for you. You were glad, not caring whether she was making it up, because she didn’t want to tell you or whether it was the truth. “To be fair, maybe he would have done it, but I tranquillized him about thirty seconds after he told me about them, so I understand he didn’t feel like sharing after that.”

Yeah, you could see that happening. She seemed to be one for a quick and radical solutions, which tranquillizing someone – like drugging him to fall asleep, right? – definitely was.

“Fair enough,” Stark hummed and then turned to you with curiosity in his eyes. His whole stance seemed to change though upon the mention of Steve Rogers having new words. He believed you now and it caused him – just like everyone else you had met in this strange Tower – to treat you… kinder. “Do you have two sets of words?”

“I… I do.”

With a deep inhale and painfully slow exhale, you started to unbutton your shirt, revealing both of your sets of words. The shock and something indescribable in the air was almost palpable as there were no doubts left in anyone’s head.

The silence was weighting a ton and you were immensely grateful to Banner for breaking it – until you heard his words that scared you as much as they excited you.

“Yeah, they should probably talk.”

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Part 14

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The we-shall-protect-Steve-at-any-cost squad in action. Then again, it’s hard to argue with angels and scientific evidence when they team up.

Sorry it took long, glad if you waited :-* Thanks for reading!

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