#it simply is the truth and if you disagree you are blind

[milamilamilax]

so glad i found the sydcarmy gang on tumblr cause the bear’s reddit community is BLIND TO THE TRUTH

#the bear #sydcarmy truther #sydcarmy #carmy x sydney #it simply is the truth and if you disagree you are blind

[interlunium-opus]

►DANCING WITH THE DEVIL #002 [Sunghoon.]

Part 1 of this can be found here ‣ #001

Abstract: As you had foreseen, Sunghoon and you were back to being strangers. While it was all you had initially wished for, the suddenness and extremity of it was gnawing you from inside as it made you feel as if the past few months had been nothing —that you, too, were in fact nothing. All the while, cases around town continued to rise and in tandem, your recurring night terrors intensified, increasingly blurring the lines between dreams, memories and reality. In the midst of it all, you realised that happenings around town and around you did not add up. The more you dig however, the more you realised how close real danger had always been. How deeply entangled you actually were in the whole web with Sunghoon seemingly being connected to. But is he merely connected to it or has he been the one spinning the web intricately all these while?   ‣ [ do check out Part 1 first ]

Genre: vampire!sunghoon | horror | thriller | fantasy | romance // wc: ~10.8k

Warnings: blood; violence; injuries; slight suggestiveness (forced); mentions of crimes (missing persons, murder, serial killings); manipulation; toxicity; trauma.

i : back to square one

To say that the past few months had been a whirlwind would be an understatement. With the amount of unprecedented things happening around you and to you, it all felt kind of like a fever dream. It didn’t help that since you’ve submitted your assignment, Park Sunghoon, the campus heartthrob who somehow couldn’t leave you alone even for a second last semester, has suddenly gone cold on you. Let alone just simply greeting you, he had never even casted you a single glance since the last day you guys worked together. In fact, you could be right in front of him or beside him and his eyes and attention would just always be on anyone and anywhere but you. While you had foreseen this, even being the one to have told him that the assignment was the only thing binding you two together, the way it all shifted just overnight made it impossible to quell the distaste you feel within — that you were used. That all those months, labouring over the assignment, sharing jokes and stories, were nothing — that you were nothing. 

And just like that, you guys were strangers again.

“Are you sure nothing happened that night?” Sunoo elbowed you, bringing you back to reality. Deja vu, you thought, remembering how Sunoo had asked a similar question just months ago when Sunghoon started pestering you. You were going to answer him but got immediately distracted by whatever he was shooting daggers at. You followed his gaze, regretting it almost immediately, as you saw that it was at Sunghoon and his little clique who were walking from the opposite direction. As usual, while the rest of the clique were being rowdy and playful with one another, Sunghoon, at the back, stayed unperturbed, hands in his pockets, eyes straight ahead — always looking so disengaged and aloof. You don’t even have to worry about him catching you staring because he wouldn’t. It is literally as if you had turned invisible since your last day together.

"What a prick," Sunoo scoffed, somehow feeling victimised on behalf of you as Sunghoon just passed you by without as much as a glance, “Something must have happened to have turned him so cold all of a sudden y/n — I mean he can’t just shift like that overnight. Did you not remember the way he stared at you before this so-called Cold War happen? it was disgustingly dripping with attraction and obsession, you’d have to be blind to miss it. Seriously, tell me the truth, did you guys fight or disagree or—”

“Sunoo, first things first. He was never obsessed with me. You were the one making that assumption. While we did work well together, at best we were just groupmates — not even friends probably. So it makes sense for it all to just revert to square one now that the assignment is over,” you sighed exasperatedly as you pressed the button of the elevator in front of you, “and for the umpteenth time Sunoo, no, nothing happened.”

At least that’s what I think, you thought to yourself as you reminisced about that night you last worked with Sunghoon together. You remembered working until dawn with him. You remembered leaning back against his sofa. You remembered him staring. You remembered packing up. Then you remembered waking up in your own bed, apparently having chronically overslept. You couldn’t exactly remember how you got home though, to be honest. You remembered snippets of it — city lights, sound of cars passing by, the sound of the door, certain warmth and pressure — but it was all a blur. When you woke up, you felt so lightheaded and groggy with your body aching and sore in some places. Then there was this unexplained level of hunger which made you dawn a whole 16” box of pizza to yourself that day — it was as if you had been fasting for days.

The ache eventually subsided and your appetite eventually returned to normal but now and then, you'd get dizzy spells. To make matters weirder, when you went for blood donation not long after, the Nurse deemed you ineligible as a donor as your Haemoglobin count was abnormally low — a drop that was quite alarming given how you have never had such histories and considering how you have not donated nor lost massive amounts of blood recently. It was all very weird but in the absence of any rational explanations, you attempted to make sense of it all by attributing it to how bad your sleeping and dietary habits have become weeks following up to the deadline as you only fuelled yourself daily with 2-hours of sleep and an inordinate amount of coffee.

Then of course there was Park Sunghoon, who went from suddenly having perfect attendance during the last semester to suddenly missing most of his classes this semester. During the few times when you do see him on campus grounds, his attention would always be on anywhere and anyone but you. It eventually got pretty obvious to you that with the assignment submitted, whatever you two had, if it was even worth labelling as friendship, must have ended with it.

“Are you going to just stand there?” Sunoo snapped his fingers, bringing you back to reality, as he continued pressing the elevator button to keep the door open.

“Right sorry, I was just—"

“Spacing out?” he cut you mid-sentence, "you have been spacing out a little bit too much lately, do you know that?"

"This semester's schedule is pretty crazy, I'm probably still trying to acclimatise to it," you lied, plastering a smile when Sunoo suddenly took out a yellow file from his bag, beckoning you to take it. It has the word 'CONFIDENTIAL' stamped across the cover. Absentmindedly, you flipped it open, almost cussing out loudly as grisly shots of dead bodies greeted you, “Sunoo, what the f-” you glared at him beside you, shutting the file close almost immediately when the elevator door opened to the 7th floor of the library.

“Right sorry, should've warned you beforehand —” Sunoo smiled sheepishly, "they’re some shots of the latest victims of our town’s serial killings — hey, stop glaring at me, I didn’t steal them from somewhere — I just, you know happen to beat the police to it—”

“Happened to be?” you stressed, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Fine,” Sunoo grunted, “that genius Ni-Ki somehow managed to intercept the police radio station so we receive all these reports at the same time as the police and well, lucky for us, since they are massively incompetent in responding in a timely manner, we got the privilege of seeing the body and the place first before they do. We’re not that stupid though — of course we kept our distance. Otherwise, we’d be mistaken as suspects instead.” 

“You look and sound inappropriately ecstatic about something so grim,” you grumbled, finally opening the file again, grimacing at the grisly shots, “Aren’t you two being too serious about this? I mean, the press and the police are already on it, why meddle further? I get the curiousity but isn't this too much effort and risk?"

“Well, I happen to be serious about getting that scholarship to New York and this, oh boy, this piece, would just throw everyone else's applications down the drain," Sunoo enthused, "and well as for Ni-Ki, that boy loves danger and adventure, he wouldn’t even care about the risks.”

You shook your head dismissively as you flipped through the pages, “but didn’t you say the bodies were drained of blood last time? These are all pretty bloodied. Do you think they might have been done by a different perpetrator?“

Sunoo stopped pacing around and hurried over, peeking over your shoulders, "oh yeah, I almost forgot about that report-"

“Or they could be the same killer actually, just changing up his tactics to throw the police off the trails...” you suggested, seeing Sunoo’s forehead scrunching in deep thoughts as he pored over the idea. You continued, “or a badly-done copycat killing—”

“Oh shit,” Sunoo gasped, snatching the pictures from you, “You are so smart, I didn’t even — I should make a proper timeline, connecting coroner's reports and pictures, maybe—”

“Don’t get too excited though. I’m no criminal profiler, I could be completely off— hey!” you yelped, rubbing your cheek in disgust as Sunoo had just absentmindedly planted a kiss on your cheek.

“Sunoo, stop that! people will get the wrong idea—” you grumbled, trailing off as you looked around the library cautiously. You stopped short when you noticed how, in the midst of people being busy in their own world, someone just across the floor, by the railings overlooking the atrium, was staring right at you. Hands against the railings with gaze so intense, unflinching and unnerving, it was Park Sunghoon. You realised that this had been the first time he had given you any slightest attention since you guys had submitted your work. You scoffed then, remembering all the times he could've been cordial to you before but instead chose to act as if you never existed. You broke the eye contact, walking away towards the side of the floor which would have been out of his field of vision, thinking to yourself, "well, two can play the game."

ii : nightly terrors

It was just supposed to be a quick power nap — one to quench your exhaustion and also to kill time as you wait for Sunoo to finish transcribing his interviews. As your mind flitted through a series of vivid hypnogogic hallucinations however, it all gradually warp into a familiar foreboding scene: a long dark hallway — eerily quiet and hauntingly cold, both ends of which just seemingly leading to a dark abyss. Every time you see this exact scene materialising in your dreams, you were hit with a wave of familiarity — as if you’ve seen the place, as if you’ve been in it. But never could you dwell longer on it because within seconds, you’d always find yourself sprinting towards the darkness, fumbling clumsily to open the door that apparently lay at the end of it, only for it to be slammed close the moment you succeed.

You would then feel yourself harshly spun around, your back slammed against the door. You swallowed thickly as the dark figure loom closer before you, knowing full well what would happen next and bracing yourself for the fate. It was after all the same nightmare that has been plaguing you on most nights since a few weeks ago. Despite the recurrence however, the feeling of terror and dread never subsided — striking you anew each time as you helplessly and passively relive each one of them. You realised however, something was different this time.

For starters, you realised you could feel: the pain on your back, the fabric of the man's sleeves under your grasp, his sharp nails digging onto the skin of your arm — you could feel them all. Then, as you furl and unfurl your fingers as you willed, you were hit by the realisation that unlike in the previous nightmares where you had no control over your body, this time, you were awake — you were lucid.

You wasted no time then, attempting to spin the nightmare around this time. Staring back up boldly at the figure in front of you, you grabbed a fistful of his collar, pulling his face closer to you, "you... I know you don't I?”. You weren’t exactly sure why you said that to him but as the moonlight that had streamed through a nearby window casted a slight glow on the lower part of his face, you realised that that man might really be someone you were familiar with — the paleness, the angular jaw, the plump rosy lips — you had seen it before. Suddenly the smirk on his face widened into a toothy grin, his tongue making a quick swipe across his teeth — the canines of which were abnormally elongated and sharp, they looked almost like fangs.

The next thing you knew he had dipped his head onto the crook of your neck, paralysing you with the vividness of it all: his lips ghosting over your bare neck, his tongue gliding over a particular spot, followed by, you winced, a prick of pain at the exact same spot. Suddenly, the ability to feel felt more like a curse, as you feel him sucking on your neck. While you already expected the move, it had always been painless and sensationless — so with the ability to feel taking the vividness of the dream to new heights, you found real panic and terror rising within you. You lifted your hand and as expected, blood had trickled down your arm but you didn’t expect that it had been dripping down onto the ground, pooling by your feet. You gasped, feeling truly aghast and terrified for your life. You begin thrashing wildly against him, hitting, pushing and screaming for him to get off of you, but alas he was stronger and with every effort and strength you take, the weaker you grew.

You feel yourself slowly giving up when you started hearing someone calling your name faintly, "y/n... y/n!"

The voice grew louder and with each calls, you feel increasingly disconnected from your body with the scene before you slowly getting hazy and blurry. 

“Y/N!”

You suddenly jolted awake, gasping and disoriented as the scene moments ago crumbled into something else. Instead of the faceless tall man from moments ago, you found yourself being held by Sunoo. His brows were furrowed in a mixture of worry and fear, his hands tightly grabbing onto your wrists as if trying to restrain you, “Y/N! Are you alright???!”

“I- uh” you croaked as you looked around the room, trying to acclimatised to the environment and confirm that this is indeed the reality, not whatever bloody terror you had just witnessed earlier. 

“You were screaming and I tried to wake you up but instead you just thrashed around, almost hitting me and I just had to hold you down like this—" he rambled as he loosened his grip and held your face up, as if to further confirm if you were okay. You mustered a weak smile as you started to calm down a little bit, “I’m sorry. It was a nightmare. I’m fine… it’s just — just a nightmare.”

You lied. You did not feel fine at all and it was not just a nightmare — not when it had been plaguing you almost every night since weeks ago, never ceasing to strike so much dread and terror despite the repetitions. You realised that they had gotten increasingly more detailed and vivid as of late — often revealing something new each time but never had you been awake and lucid in it as you just had. It all felt so real — as if it had been a memory that you unlocked, replayed and relived — rather than just some a trickery of the mind once one falls asleep.

“But, I’ve never seen you so—"

“Hey, it’s just a nightmare… I'm okay, really...” you reassured him, though it kind of felt as if you were trying to reassure yourself too, "I'll just get myself some water. Go continue with your work Sunoo..."

You got up, groggily making your way to the pantry near the big board. As you were dawning a glass of water, your eyes darted cautiously across the clippings of the serial killer news on Sunoo’s cork board, wondering if all the morbidity you have exposed yourself to almost on the daily had wormed themselves deep inside your brain that they end up seeping into your dreams as well. Probably the only plausible explanation, you reasoned with yourself when your eyes keep on zeroing in onto the odd marks on the neck of the victims. In the midst of all the cuts and gashes, some of the bodies featured odd puncture wounds: some double, some single. Like a snakebite or something. 

Subconsciously, your finger had travelled up to your neck, grazing a spot where a cut had mysteriously appeared just a few weeks ago. You realised just then that it was around the same spot where that man in your dream had punctured, or rather, bitten into. You winced at the memory, still somehow able to feel the pain despite the fact that it had happened in a dream.

The first time you noticed the cut was the day after the assignment deadline as you were rushing to get ready after having overslept. When you first saw it, it was still red — indicating that it was likely not even 1-2 days old — and about 8 cm long. You remembered being weirded out as you could not remember nor imagined how you could ever accidentally hurt yourself on such a spot, in a such a way. On the elbow or on the knee? sure. But on the crook of your neck? debatable. The more you assessed the cut in the following days however, the more you noticed something odd about it. The cut somehow slightly curved outwards at two points, as if it had run over another wound. Eventually you got busier and forgot about the cut altogether.

Tonight however, you found yourself thinking about the cut again, which by now had fully healed fading closer to the colour of your skin, as you looked at each of the pictures before you, trying to scrutinise the injuries on their neck. Suddenly Sunoo snatched the pictures off the board, “alright, no more dead bodies for you y/n. It was my fault — I didn't even consider how you feel. Perhaps its been too much for you and —”

But you weren't listening anymore. You just watched silently, your mind on overdrive, your finger still rubbing the scar on your neck. “Wait,” you finally said something, grabbing Sunoo’s hand to stop him, “do you have clearer pictures… of the neck perhaps?”

“Well, Ni-Ki is developing the rest so there should be some—" Sunoo mumbled when the door opened.

“Ni-Ki!” you called out, as he emerged out of the photo studio, asking if he has any other pictures. He nodded excitedly as he handed you the bundle of pictures. You grabbed a few clearer ones, trying to confirm your allegations. 

“Guys… what if…-“ you mumbled, “I mean, I dont know for sure, these pictures aren't the clearest but... if you look at the neck, some of them have what looked like puncture wounds — some had like two punctures, just like a snakebite, though some only had one. But,” you continued, pushing some of the pictures forward, “wherever there’s only one, there is always another cut either above or under and look over here, wherever there's none, the necks are mostly covered by frenzied slash wounds—” you swallowed thickly, reminded of your own scar, the possible wound underneath, and the dream, "I mean it could just be nothing... but I can't help but think that what if, what if, the haphazard wounds over the neck is meant to mask the puncture wounds?”

"Okay," Ni-ki scrunched his brows as he considered the possibilities, "but why though?"

"Beats me," you shrugged, sinking onto a nearby stool, "it's just the few common denominators that seem to stick to me. Maybe it's the real weapon? Not sure what kind of tool would have inflicted those kind of wounds though—"

"No you're actually right," Sunoo nodded, rubbing his chin as he pored over all the reports of past serial killings that he had read and researched on, "with that kind of mark, it might have been easier for the police to track the killer through the weapon so maybe his game plan was actually to cover it up hence why most of the bodies have slash wounds haphazardly inflicted around their neck. And then perhaps due to timing, carelessness or just pure laziness, he would end up slashing less than usual, making the puncture mark visible on some of the bodies."

"Do you think it could be a syringe or something? maybe to poison or incapacitate them beforehand," Ni-ki wondered aloud, "or I don't know a modified bat with nails at the end—"

"Wait, since y/n mentioned that it kind of looked like a snakebite... what if it isn't a weapon?" Sunoo gasped, gesticulating wildly, "what if it's actually a snake? like maybe the killer, being sick enough in the head, unleashed a snake on the victims first to torture them or something before —"

"What are the odds of a snake biting someone at the same exact spot though?" Ni-ki raised his brows.

"You're right," Sunoo pondered, "unless they put a bait on that exact spot — wait, what if..." he gulped, lowering his voice to a whisper, "vampires?"

"Get out of here Kim Sunoo," Ni-Ki scoffed, shaking his head dismissively.

What Sunoo said definitely sounded sillier but somehow instead of shooting the idea down immediately, like you would have, the scene from your recurring nightmare flashed across your mind, sending shivers down your spine: the abnormally long canines; the bite on your neck; and the blood dripping. You furrow your brows, trying to quell feeling of dread rising within as you touched the scar on your neck, while your eyes travelled from one pictures to the other, looking at the puncture marks on their necks.

"Vampires are stuff of fables but," you murmured, "there might be some relevancy there. What if it's a fetish or a quirk? maybe he's obsessed with vampire lores or maybe is psychologically ill and believe that he is one — either way, what I'm trying to say is that maybe he's trying to mimic it. But," you sighed, frustrated with your own train of thoughts and deduction, "why cover it then? if you're obsessed with the thought that you are a vampire or something, wouldn't you want to leave it as it is? rather than cover it?"

Sunoo and Ni-Ki nodded in agreement, debating it further, but you weren't listening to any of it anymore as your mind became increasingly preoccupied with more questions — all of which were now directing towards yourself: the cut, the dream, the maniac from before.

"— let's stake at the harbour next," you hear Ni-Ki said and Sunoo agreeing almost immediately. Without missing a beat and without any further thought, you interrupted, "I want in."

“Really?” Sunoo’s face lit up momentarily before suddenly schooling his expressions, “- wait no, you’ve already brushed with a potential serial killer like two months ago. I am not going to put your life in danger.”

“Sunoo, you know how I feel about unsolicited paternalism,” you grumbled, arms folding, “like you said last time, I’m smart — I would be a great asset to you both. Like just now.”

“You’re in,” Ni-Ki pushed Sunoo aside and extended his hands to you, “if we are serious about this, we need her intelligence. I mean even both of our brains can’t analyse and observe the pictures with such insight even though we have been on this case for months.”

You grinned triumphantly, taking in Ni-Ki’s hands proudly before sticking your tongue out at Sunoo. Sunoo opened his mouth to protest but closed it immediately, finding himself wrought in a mental dilemma. He groaned, throwing his hands in the air, “Fine. But you must stick to us whenever we go to the field okay? Must. I know you always go off alone and slip away but not this time.”

“Geez, okay mum,” you mocked, before offering your hand to him, beckoning him to shake it.

You weren't exactly certain what you wanted to gain from this, if not just further troubles. But something about the case and whatever has happened around you seemed to have a link. It might just be something psychological — maybe the fear from the serial killings has insidiously seeped into your mind, making you dream and hallucinate to the point of connecting dots that weren't there in the first place. Still, sitting around and letting yourself be haunted by your own nightmares and news headlines wouldn't do any good, you thought. If anything, at least by tagging along with them, you can either confirm or dispel whatever nagging presumptions you had about whatever has happened around you and to you.

Little did you know just how messy the whole thing was. How true the saying 'ignorance is bliss' is.

iii : confronting the elephant in the room

When results for the last semester was finally released one fine afternoon, all eyes were on you. After all, the assignment that you and Sunghoon had laboriously worked on for Macroeconomics was awarded the only ‘A’ in the module — in fact, the only A awarded ever under the module after like two years.

“Well, that’s what happens when you ask two of the brightest in the faculty to work together,” Sunoo elbowed you, smiling sheepishly as you stared agape at the screen, still in disbelief at the grades displayed on your dashboard.

The joy was however short-lived as you were called to the Professor’s room not soon after. Apparently he was so impressed by the paper, he had invited you and Sunghoon to co-author a paper with him for an upcoming annual conference. As Sunghoon did not show up to his office, the professor had instead asked you to pass the message to him — the task of which you wished you could have outsourced given how Sunghoon does not seem so keen to engage with you anymore. And you, too, weren't exactly ecstatic to engage with him again either.

Hence why you were fiddling nervously with your pen the next morning in lecture as your eyes darted back and forth from Sunghoon, who was seated at the other end of the lecture theatre, to the brochure about the upcoming conference in your hand — your mind set ablaze with dilemma. You really did not want to talk to him again that you even considered turning down the professor’s offer altogether — but that would be irrational, you thought. It was after all an opportunity like no other that could embellish your resumé further, making you more attractive to prospective employers. Then alternatively, you had also considered to just not pass on the message and tell the professor that you haven't seen him or something. But you thought that would be selfish of you. After all, it was a joint paper so he deserves the credit and opportunity as much as you do. Hence, setting your ego aside, you decided to run after him after the lecture ended. 

You didn’t really have any expectations. At worse, you pictured him scoffing and saying “no thanks”. But well, he exceeded your expectations in the worse way possible. The moment you caught up to him, he did not even bother to act friendly or civil. There were no ‘hi’, no smile — nothing, just an expression of disinterest if not, annoyance, as he took his EarPods off. You begun explaining about the Professor's offer and the upcoming paper as you handed the brochure to him, though the lack of interest which was apparent on his face, and the lack of response were making you feel increasingly unnerved and embarrassed. As if that wasn't enough, he further made you feel worse as he interrupted mid-way, handing the brochure back, “and? am I supposed to be happy for you? or interested in this? what?”

“Uh—" you were rendered speechless for a moment, “I mean, the professor is inviting us to both co-author a paper together again. It was after all our work. You deserve the credit as much as-" 

“I couldn’t care less,” he exhaled sharply, “about this or about you taking the credit. Do whatever you want. I’ve done my job as your partner last time.”

You swallowed thickly, his words searing more than you expected, “Well, that’s fine then. I was just passing the message on.”

“Anything else?” he asked with an eyebrow raised, looking as if you had just wasted his time. You never felt so much anger and embarrassment both at the same time. “Okay then,” he shrugged, taking your lack of responses as a 'no' and walking past you.

You scoffed. You weren’t really confrontational as a person but the way this all spun was really bothering you more than you wanted to admit — like a nagging sensation at the back of your neck. The way he acted was almost as if you had done something wrong. But what? You thought to yourself. Suddenly Sunoo’s question and your memory lapse rang in your mind.

“Wait-" you called out, “Did something happen that night?”

You can see him heaving a huge sigh before turning around to answer you, “Unless you mistook or misunderstood something, nothing happened. We finished our work and you went home alone. I didn’t bother sending you. That’s it. You didn’t expect-”

“I don’t. I just-“

“Look, this happens all the time,” Sunghoon said icily, biting his lower lip in annoyance as he took a few steps towards you, “I show any slight attention and people just mistake it as interest, expecting it to bloom into something,” the corner of his lips lifted into a conceited grin, “don’t tell me the Great Wall is buckling too? Let me spell it out to you then —“

“Park Sunghoon,” you cut him off, the anger starting to rise within, “let me spell it out to you because you seem to be blind with narcissism and conceit. I have my suspicions about you from the very start — that you were attempting to toy me around, for whatever reasons. I guess it must have failed since you are mistaking any slight cordiality from me now for attraction when I am just passing on the message and being nice to you for old time's sake. Get off your high horse.”

With that you turned on your heel and walked away, the anger growing with every step you took, the crumpled paper in your grasp being the only evidence of it. That being said, you couldn't help but shake the feeling of familiarity of it all — the way your words rolled so effortlessly out your mouth made it feel as if you had spoken something similar before. But that’s impossible, you thought, no one would have riled you up so much to the point where you had to deliver such a scathing remark.

Most importantly, even if someone had, you should have remembered it.

iv: entanglement

It was not supposed to drag on this long and this deep, Sunghoon thought to himself as he watched you over from their hangout room on the 5th floor of the North Wing. You were sitting by the fountain, rambling animatedly to your ‘guard dog’, making big gestures in between coffee sips while occasionally doubling-over in a fit of laughter with him. Sunghoon hated how he knew exactly what coffee you had ordered and how he could hear your laughter clearly in his mind as if he was right there next to you.

Despite the crowds forming and dispersing around you, his eyes have not left you for even a fraction of a second and if looks could kill, you'd have long been dead. Most frustrating of all to him was how with every smile you flashed, he could feel his heart raced and throbbed — though he wasn’t certain if it had been due to attraction or annoyance because both had indeed been what he had been feeling towards you as of late.

Sunghoon has always been at the top of things. That is, until you came along and become a prominent part of his daily life since the start of the project. While he may have orchestrated the whole thing to turn the way it did: for you to become partners with him; for him to save you; for you to spend inordinate amount of time alone with him; and so on — you were unexpectedly like a force of nature, somehow managing to hold on your own and throw everything into disarray. It always left him feeling so confused, vexed and intrigued — conflicting emotions of which he hadn't felt in a long time — always making him torn over his next moves as he could never know if he wanted you or if he wanted to end you.

He exhaled sharply as he turned around, leaning against the large stained windows and recounting the events from that night. He didn't really plan on biting you that night but everything was indeed unfolding perfectly: you were alone with him, in his own house, with your guards down. For someone like you, who to him, has been unnecessarily a handful to deal with compared to his other victims — this was perfect as he could just quickly and cleanly sink his fangs into you and then have your body disposed somewhere. That was how simple he pictured it to be when he first set sights on you, visions red with contempt. But little did he know, in spending too much time trying to orchestrate everything perfectly from the beginning just to get back at you in the worst way possible, he was getting caught in the intricate web that he himself had spun for you.

And that night, things definitely went awry. Or rather, I went awry, he corrected himself as he threw his head back against the stained windows, suddenly reminded of the way his lips locked with yours in a drunken stupor.

The thing about Park Sunghoon is that he does not kiss — not initiating it, at least. After all, the guy love mind games and power. He relishes in the way people get so easily enchanted and manipulated by him, eventually buckling into submission without him having to lift a finger, begging for him no matter the cost. It was such a pathetic yet satisfying sight, he always thought, the way they beg for him not realising that they were basically begging for their death. Besides, as he always told Jay and Jake, both of whom never tire from indulging in such carnal pleasures, he was getting too old to be beating around the bush so he’d just cut the bullshit and go straight for the neck. As if you’re any older than us, Jake would mock.

That is not to say he would reject it completely though. His being aren’t completely deprived of carnal desires so when someone does initiate it, he wouldn't protest nor reject it, letting himself just enjoy it, treating it like an appetiser before the main course. Though again, unlike Jay and Jake, he wouldn’t drag it on. 

That is, until you happened. You were supposed to be just another pawn — something to fuel his desire for mind games and power. Instead however, you were able to hold on your own, engaging him so effortlessly in a field that he had always trounced in, keeping him on edge and making him wanting more. He found himself obsessed with you and he sought to entrap you further in his games but little did he know that in digging a trench so deep for you to fall into, he himself might end up getting stuck in it. He can now see just how far he had miscalculated his steps and underestimated you, for when the opportunity to get back at you, like he always wanted, materialised that night, he did the stupidest thing he could have ever done — he went for your lips.

The moment his lips enveloped yours, he completely lost all sense and rationality. Like on a drunken stupor, he was so intoxicated by the softness of your lips, the warmth emanating from your body, and the way you struggled against him — it was sickly electrifying and intoxicating and as if karma was getting back at him, he remembered feeling how he was the one getting lulled this time. Then there was the smell and taste of your blood on your lips that sent him delirious but somehow, instead of triggering his predatory feeding mode, it fuelled his hunger for something else.

He remembered then hungrily pressing his lips onto yours, his hands roaming up your body, making you gasp, providing him the perfect opportunity to deepen the kiss, as he slipped his tongue in. He remembered how the harder you protested and rejected him, the more it riled him up, finding himself trailing sloppy kisses down your neck — something he’d hardly have to nor want to do to another human. As he grabbed a fistful of your shirt, tugging it just slightly just off your shoulder, he could feel the desire to sink his fangs into you morphing into something different: it was no longer just to simply satisfy his thirst and get back at you — he wanted to mark you; to own you. That was probably why he was able to stop himself from depriving you completely off of your life source that night despite how much you had riled him — because it wasn’t just hunger alone.  

He could feel his throat now constricting and his gums tingling — an indication of the hunger rising within and his canines extending into its full length — as the memory reawaken his thirst for your blood, for your lips, for you in its entirety. “Fuck,” he cussed breathily, burying his face in his palm, suddenly seeing red again. He hated the hold you seemingly have on him. He had been all over the place the past few weeks trying to prove otherwise: meeting other girls; drinking other blood; and most importantly, avoiding and being an arse towards you. He was afterall, no slave to emotions nor desires — he could overcome this easily, he thought to himself. Yet, here he was, tormented from just mere memories of you. Oh, he wanted you so bad.

“You have got to nip this in the bud,” he suddenly remembered Heeseung cautioning him one night, “otherwise, it will grow into an Achilles Heel Sunghoon.”

He turned back around, dizzy, as he propped his hand against the window, letting his head rest against it as his eyes, which were growing luminescent by the second, zeroed in on you. "I shouldn't have let you live..." Sunghoon breathed, feeling the gravity of Heeseung's words.

v: minefield

With cases rising and no leads, your campus had started to impose a curfew, threatening punishments for those found to be out and about in campus grounds beyond 8 PM. Though you found the newly-imposed curfew ridiculous, given how there had been no cases in campus, you still abide it nevertheless. Except for tonight that is, as you had left your iPad at Sunoo’s club room. Since it had all the important notes from today’s lecture for an upcoming pop quiz, you decided to risk it — breaking into the South Wing and quickly retrieving it before the Student Union members, who would’ve usually be out patrolling by then, could catch you. 

Having quickly retrieved your iPad, your were just about to climb out the window which you had used earlier when you heard a bloodcurdling scream from the upper floors, followed by what sounded like furnitures getting knocked over. For any normal person, that should have been the queue to run off. But then again, you had always been an outlier with a sense of curiousity and fearlessness that is bound to get you into trouble one day — at least that was what Sunoo had always said about you.

“Screw it,” you muttered to yourself, walking away from the window towards the staircase. As you climbed up, you can start to hear the cacophony of noises more clearly: scuffles; furnitures dragged; and some sort whimper or cry. Then it all stopped and suddenly, all the courage left you. In the dark and stillness of the night, all you could hear was your quickening heartbeat and all you could see was either empty corridors with your own reflection on the windows.

You backed away, feeling deeply unsettled by the sudden stillness when suddenly, before you could descend down the stairs to go back, you felt yourself getting yanked back by a bony arm that has wrapped itself around your neck, putting you on a chokehold. You thrashed wildly, clawing on the person's arm, as your croaked, "le-let me go-go. I will scre-scream. There are people down the-there—"

You could hear the person scoff, seeing through your lie easily. You feel the person's other hand coming up to your head, stroking your hair tauntingly, while whispering menacingly close to your ears, “dead people can’t scream though.”

The next thing you knew, you had been pushed down the stairs, tumbling down several flights of stairs, twisting your hand in the process and hitting your head a few times against either the cold ground or the foot of the railing, before coming to a stop by the next landing. You groaned in pain as the back of your head hit the hard cement. Despite the pain, you forced yourself to sit up, panicking as the figure walked down the stairs at a glacial pace. Silhouetted, you can see that the person was a lanky man, with rather wide, yet bony shoulders. Terror-stricken, you were ready to take off again but to your horror, you couldn't feel your legs. You looked back up, horrified, when the man's lower face got momentarily illuminated as he passed by a window, his thin lips curving into a wry, malevolant grin, his tongue then making a quick slow swipe over his bloodied lips. You were immediately reminded of your nightmare.

You mustered every bit of strength left to back away, powering through the pain through gritted teeth but it was futile as he soon loomed over your body. Grabbing a fistful of your collar, he dragged you towards the end of the landing, letting you hover over the next flight of stairs, giving you a slight swing before letting go. You squeezed your eyes shut, bracing for the impact.

It never came.

You felt nothing and saw nothing for a prolonged period of time, before it all suddenly warp into a convoluted mess of dreams, nightmares and bad memories — like an acid trip — then abruptly ending when your eyes flew open.

Still in an almost fight and flight state from both the experience and the dream, you immediately sat bolt upright — panicking as you looked around the room, thinking you were still at the mercy of the murderous man. Instead of the darkness however, the room you were in was so brightly-lit and brightly-painted. Instead of the cold hard tile underneath you, you were sitting on a soft white bed. Instead of a murderous man holding you by the collar, Lee Heeseung, the Student Union President, was the one next to you, eyes lit up in relief as he exclaimed, “Finally! You’re awake!”

You stared at him blankly, confused. Is this a dream, you ruminated, was last night a dream?. After all, the Student Union President, who is also part of Sunghoon’s clique, would be the last person you would ever expect to be by your bedside.

“Where am I- why are y-" you stuttered, trying to fight through the pain that you felt all over. Heeseung quickly reached over, gently grasping both of your shoulders to prevent you from toppling over, “careful, you took a really hard tumble—"

Instinctively, you recoiled away from his touch, still traumatised over whatever you had experienced earlier. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, “I didn’t mean to - you just, you look like you were about to faint...”

You swallowed thickly, still eyeing him in suspicion, “what... what happened?”

“Well, we were patrolling and found you passed out cold at the base of the stairs,” he answered, his gaze remaining soft as if trying to reassure you that he meant no harm and that you are safe now, “brought you here immediately. Thankfully, the doctor said you suffered no major injuries, just a lot of bruises, a twisted wrist, and a small cut by the side of your head. You might have knocked it against the railing or something. But fortunately, they’re just some superficial cuts. Not sure how lon-“

“the girl —" you interjected as the memories from just now, or last night, or whenever the incident actually was, came rushing through, “what about the girl?”

Heeseung stared blankly at you, “what girl? you were alone.”

“No I wasn’t,” you replied adamantly, “there— there should have been someone else-"

"There were no one else, we-"

"No, there was a girl somewhere in the building. She- she screamed! I heard it!" you protested, "I followed the voice and then suddenly," you croaked, losing your voice, "suddenly there was this man and he-" you swallowed thickly, struggling, as your head begin to spin, "he pushed- he pushed me!"

"y/n, but there-"

"No listen, he pushed me!" you insisted, looking up at Heeseung, almost pleading, "I didn't tumble down. I was pushed. He- ouch-"

“Hey hey, take it easy,” Heeseung quickly rose up, looking worried as he beckoned you to lay back. You shook your head, insistent, "there should be someone else. Maybe he ran way and— and maybe he took her with him. Did you guys ev- "

"Look y/n, you did hit your head so maybe-"

“Are you seriously suggesting that my mind is playing tricks on me?” you scoffed, your tone more aggressive than you had intended, “just because I hit my head?”

"Look y/n, the fact is that we found you alone. I promise you, we scoured the whole building, the compound, the adjacent wings and even the nearby woods — no one was out there except for the ones patrolling and you," Heeseung sighed, rubbing his forehead before exhaling sharply, looking stern, "and frankly, no one should. It was curfew hours. You, of all people, should know the implication of it."

You opened your mouth, wanting to protest further but immediately stopped yourself as you now belatedly realised just how much trouble you are possibly in for being out during curfew hours. You sank back onto your propped pillows behind you, defeated.

"y/n... just rest up for now okay? I will keep you posted in case I uncovered anything that might relate to your sightings last night," Heeseung gave you a tight-lipped smile as he drew the cubicle curtains around your bed to lend you some privacy though he stopped short before closing it completely.

"y/n," he called out softly. When you looked up, the warm gaze and smile had disappeared as he cautioned, "I would advise you to not tell anyone about last night unless you want to get in trouble for loitering around during curfew hours. I covered for you last night saying that your body was freezing when I found you which meant you must have passed out before curfew hours. I can assure you however no one else, especially the staffs, would be as lenient if they knew the truth. Not even if you tell them about what you had allegedly see or hear, because without any physical evidence, it just sounds like excuses.”

With that he excused himself, leaving you alone, dejected and defeated, questioning your own memory, "what the hell is going on with me?"

vi: the lifesaver

Its been a few weeks and still, there had been no new updates about that night. No woman, no man, no body — just you, your memories and some fading bruises, which you’ve been diligently covering with turtlenecks and long sleeves. As days passed, the memory melded perfectly with your recurring nightmares, leaving you questioning your own memory and mind — all the while, the feeling of looming terror felt as if it was increasingly gnawing you from within, haunting you. Hence, you’ve sought solace in overworking yourself, staying cooped up in the library, head buried in books — all so you can distract yourself. 

Tonight however, your body was paying the price for having been overworking the past few days, pulling you into a deep sleep when you had only intended the nap to last for 15 minutes. You awoke, panic-stricken, seeing the floor you were on completely desolated. You quickly packed up, your mind on overdrive thinking of what excuses to give the guard or library staff when you pass them by in the lobby.

“Oh you’re awake?”

You screamed, backing against your table and knocking some books off the edge. It's been weeks, but you were still skittish from your last incident. Fortunately, it wasn't yet another maniac. You recognised the vest he was wearing — it was the one that the library guards always wore. You immediately apologised, “Sorry, really - I thought-"

“No, no,” the man quickly rushed over, bending down to help you pick your books up, “I should be the one apologising since I was the one who startled you.”

“No, I’m the one here during curfew hours...“ you sighed, bending down to also pick the books up when it suddenly dawned on you who the man was, “Yang Jungwon?”

His eyes lit up as he nodded excitedly, “for a second there I thought you had completely forgotten about me. Wouldn’t blame you though, I was gone for a long time.”

“Of course I remember you!” you assured him, “It’s just that… your hair. It’s black now. The red hair was pretty much your signature, wasn't it? it earned you that nickname 'The Flaming Tiger the Taekwando Club', right?"

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, “yeah, I dyed it back to black. Kind of preferring to keep a low profile now.”

“Well, I mean, with all the medals you’ve raked especially after you have gotten out of the hospital, I’m pretty sure you don't need the red hair to make yourself memorable in the Taekwando scene any more,” you concurred, “You’re really amazing you know that? Kicking back stronger after like a 3-week hospitalisation — how is that even possible? And now you're like part-timing as a guard here too.”

"Well, I've been having a hard time sleeping at night so part-timing during graveyard hours actually keeps me sane —anyway enough about me," Jungwon diverted, leaning against your table, "I heard so much about you as well. Heard you got straight A's last semester and is now co-authoring a paper with one of the University's highly-cited professor — come on now, your achievements are more worth praising then mine."

"Oh please stop being humble. Also the A was for a joint assignment so it's not really—" you trailed off, "shoot — they're coming," you gasped, hurriedly packing up as you saw two Student Union members in the compound, making their way towards the library, "well, it was nice catching up with you Jungwon but it's curfew hours and I've got to run. Can you do me a favour and pretend you didn't see me? Thanks!"

“No wait,” he suddenly called out ,grabbing your wrist and stopping you in your tracks, "you’ll get caught if you head that way. Come with me, I know a better way.”

You took the offer almost immediately — trusting Jungwon, who then led you skilfully through a maze of corridors and stairs, explaining how there is a secret passage in the basement — a tunnel — which leads you straight out to the backstreet, "so not only could you evade the 'Cerberus Knock-Offs' of campus, aka the Student Patrols, but if they find you, they can't really do anything since you're technically 'outside' of the campus grounds."

"Wow, it's like THE Yang Jungwon has gone rouge — where did the old uptight and stickler Jungwon go?" you remarked sarcastically as he pushed the heavy door, revealing a brightly-lit yet eerie-looking tunnel.

"Gone with the old shell," Jungwon quipped as he turned around, beckoning you to follow him. You hesitantly did, cautiously looking around the narrow passageway — feeling increasingly unnerved by the stillness, remoteness and desolation of it all, "why does the university need a tunnel any way? I mean, have you heard of how certain sanatoriums would wheel bodies discretely through tunnels back then? what if the same is happening here?"

"Why would the university be wheeling bodies though?" Jungwon gave you a quick glance before tinkering with the locks of the door at the end of the tunnel.

"I'm not saying it's the university," you clarified, suddenly reminded of your incident and the lack of evidence, "but what if the serial killer that's on the loose in town right now made it to campus — these passageways would just help him finish half the job don't you think?"

"You've always been so smart and sharp," Jungwon muttered as he rose up, his body turned towards you as he placed his hand on the crash bar of the door, his eyes narrowing, "but you should be careful with the accusations though, the staffs here are incredibly sensitive to it, fearing that such rumours would incite panic and paranoia, potentially jeopardising the university's reputation."

"But I'm not accusing," you retorted, "I actually he-" you stopped short, reminded of Heeseung's warning.

"Just saying y/n, you don't want to fly too close to the sun for you will get burnt," Jungwon cautioned as he pushed the crash bar with his elbow, his eyes still on you. Your brows knit in confusion at his cryptic words which you couldn't discern whether is a warning to you, or an advice. You can also see now, underneath the harsh lighting of the tunnel, how it wasn't just the hair that made him look and feel different. Particularly, he was skinnier and paler than you last remembered which, together with his sharp feline eyes and arched brows, made him look more intimidating. Feeling the weight of his gaze, you cleared you throat, breaking the eye contact, "I-uh should probably leave now."

"I've ordered a cab for you by the way," he beamed as you slipped outside, "it should be by the bend."

"You shouldn't have- but thanks Jungwon, I owe you twice tonight," you waved at him, "stay safe."

"you should be careful and stay safe too y/n," he replied back, waving at you.

Though thankful for his help, throughout your journey back home, you couldn't help but feel like Jungwon was hiding something.

vii: an ultimatum

“Hey Sunoo, did you remember that one case—" you stopped mid-sentence as you looked up from your phone, realising belatedly that the figure you saw from your periphery vision as you entered the Press Society Club Room was not Sunoo. You knew who it was almost instantaneously though even when he had his back against you: the tall stature; broad shoulders; thick black hair; dark get-up and of course, the air of arrogance. It was none other than Park Sunghoon.

As if hearing his name just being said aloud in your mind, he turned around, lips already curved into a conceited grin as he gestured towards Sunoo's board, “you guys have some interesting collage right here.”

“You have no business being here,” you said curtly. 

Scoffing, he cocked his head in the direction of the photo studio, “nope, but he does.”

Just then, Heeseung emerged out of the studio, carrying a bunch of pictures. Trailing closely behind him, was Sunoo, fuming, “give them back! they are ours!"

“Not anymore," Heeseung sighed, handing the pictures to Sunghoon instead, who clicked his tongue tauntingly as he look through the pictures, “listen, I'm actually doing you guys a favour here. If anyone else finds out about these morbid collections, you and Ni-Ki could become suspects immediately. Trust me, in the absence of any convincing leads — they'd lap it up. Even if they don’t, you guys will still get into trouble, for intercepting and for potentially tempering the scene.”

“But they never went close to the scene!” you quickly defended.

“And who can vouch for that?” Sunghoon derided, looking amused.

"This could put the university's reputation in jeopardy so I am putting a stop to it," Heeseung said adamantly.

“If you really care about the campus and its people, you’d know how important our work and progress is,” Sunoo snapped.

“Look, just because you are able to take a bunch of grotesque pictures and connect them with strings against a map on a board doesn’t mean you guys are making any important discovery,” Sunghoon scoffed, looking down condescendingly at Sunoo, "Just stick to Cluedo, kids."

“What the fuck is your problem,” Sunoo exploded, grabbing Sunghoon by the collar, looking as if he was ready to throw punches. Sunoo had always been the personafication of sunshine and peace but right then you can see how riled up he was from the way he glowered at Sunghoon, the way his fist clenched hard and the way his voice dropped a few octaves lower. He seemed almost like a different person. You couldn't help but quickly rush over, grabbing his arm, fearing that he would really let emotions get the best of him, "Sunoo, don't—"

"Aww," Sunghoon mocked, straightening up the crumpled lapel of his blazer, before turning to you, "you should've let him punch me. It might relieve his anger."

"I'm not stupid to let him get easily framed like that. Not by the likes of you," you snapped back. Sunghoon scoffed, chuckling, "I know you're not. But your blockhead of a friend definitely is. Not so bad for a guard dog though — at least he isn't all bark and no bite. Shame that he has never been around to run to your aid when you need it the most."

Your brows knit in confusion at his words, somehow picking up something in the way he said it.

"Sunghoon, cut it out," Heeseung said authoritatively as he grabbed the main door open before turning his attention back to you and Sunoo, "I'll send someone to confiscate everything as discreetly as possible and turn a blind eye to this just this once but if I found out that you guys are meddling in this case again, or even loitering during curfew hours for whatever reason — I'll report you guys straight to the dean. This applies to you too, y/n — I've already let you go once, remember that."

With that, they excused themselves, and as soon as the door closed, Sunoo sunk onto a nearby couch. While he covered his face with his arm, you could tell he angry and dejected he was — his chest heaving in anger, ears red, "this is fucking unfair," he croaked.

You couldn't help but feel some sort of guilt in the matter. The suddenness of it all and the way Sunghoon seemed to specifically rile him felt rather personal. As if it was done simply out of spite to you not for whatever noble reason that Heeseung just sprouted. "I'll be back, okay?" you assured Sunoo before you ran out the door, frantically looking around to find Sunghoon. Thankfully he hadn't gone far, just by the bend of the corridor,

"Park Sunghoon!" you called out, marching towards him. Again, as if expecting you, he already had that distasteful smirk on his face.

“Look, if you have a problem with me, then you should take it out on me not on the people around me,” you argued, seething, “Sunoo doesn’t deserve this. He worked hard on it.”

“Didn’t we tell you that it was for the best?” he repeated flamboyantly, his grin getting wider with every step he took towards you, “the efforts you guys are putting in are useless anyway and even if, say, you guys somehow solved it — you think the authorities will believe you guys? if anything, you guys will get into trouble for potentially disrupting their work and the scene. Even if you guys actually don't temper around, they will make it seem as if you guys did just to discredit you guys. Because come on, otherwise, they'd become the punching bag of town: authorities beaten by a bunch of campus kids."

“Cut that bullshit Sunghoon, I'm pretty sure you'd rather see us scapegoated and humiliated," you retorted, "What exactly do you want from stopping this?"

"Do you..." he drawled, taking slow steps towards you, biting his lips to suppress the grin that was blooming on his lips, " really want to know what I want?". You opened your mouth, ready to protest, but find yourself frozen as he brought his hand up to your neck, his cold fingers grazing the spot where your scar was. Your brows knit in confusion at his sudden touch — the familiarity of which was threatening to evoke something in your mind. It felt like those moments when you stopped short in doing whatever you were doing because a sensation reminded you of certain memory or a dream. You could feel your mind going on overdrive as it raked through you mind palace for a specific memory but failing, making you feel more disgruntled at the mystery of it all. As if noticing the effect he had on you internally, the corner of his lips tip up, forming a devilish grin, "you left your scarf didn't you? well, since your scar is healing pretty fast, I doubt you'd need it anymore—"

Alarmed at how he noticed the scar which you had so diligently covered all these while, you snapped out of it, shoving his hand away, "how did- mind your own business Sunghoon."

"you should be the one minding your own business y/n," he muttered icily, the smile faltering as he took steps closer towards you, his gaze darkening, "stop knocking on death's door, you're not invincible, just lucky. With your predisposition towards danger however, you're going to run out of them soon."

"What's it to you?" you remarked sarcastically, "thought we're strangers."

He bit lower lips as if restraining the smirk that was blooming on his lips, "you'd wish we were."

The next thing you knew, Sunghoon’s gaze darkened and almost instantaneously, you could feel your heart sink, as if knowing exactly what would follow. Within split seconds, he had cupped your face, his thumb caressing your lips, eyes boring into yours, the intensity searing. “Sunghoon, what are yo-“ you protested, palming his chest, trying to push him off, but it all somehow evoked a strong feeling of familiarity, just like earlier. Except, it had gotten too intense that you find yourself immobilised. All of a sudden, your vision went haywire, fading back and forth between reality and fragments of yourself in a similar setting – it was as if your hallucinations or nightmares were being superimposed into reality. The Sunghoon before you kept on fading into someone else — someone you couldn't properly identify as that man pressed his lips onto yours, devouring it with so much ferocity and hunger, that you find yourself struggling for air. When you were finally able to wedge a space in between, to your horror, it was Sunghoon all along. His tongue making a quick swipe over his lipstick-stained lips, eyes glazed with lust. Within split seconds, he was dipping his head closer to yours again, seeking to reattach his lips to yours. "No- get off!" you protested, blindly hitting him. When he caught your hands in his, the whole scene revert to normal, to the Sunghoon that was caressing your lips at the campus corridor.

You stared at him in a mix of horror and disbelief, disoriented and dizzy. Feeling your self-awareness and will back, you quickly shoved him away. "What was-" you panted, stammering, "that? what was that? what did you do?"

"What was what?" he smirked, backing away at a glacial pace, "I didn't even do anything. You're the one who froze up on me." Just like that, he just turned around and walked away, leaving you rooted on spot, still at loss. It all felt so vivid just now — like remembering a dream or a nightmare but instead of it simply being confined in your mind, it was superimposed into reality, taking over visually and emotionally, rendering you completely struck and helpless.

"y/n!"

You suddenly feel yourself wheeled around, it was Sunoo, looking concerned, "why aren't you responding? I was getting worried since you were gone for too lo-" he paused, noticing how pale you've became, your hands trembling, "hey, are you okay? did he do something to you?"

"Sunoo..." you muttered weakly, forlorn, "I think... I think something is wrong with me."

► Part 003

A/N: Hello everyone! thank you for reading hehe. In case the ending stumps you, fret not, there is a continuation to this. It was getting longer and I thought it would more coherent for it to be ended right here, the rest saved for the next part. That would also be more efficient for me too because as someone who is too perfectionist to a fault, the proofreading bit is taking almost as much effort and time as the initial drafting. Apologies if there are any incoherence and errors. English is after all not my first language. With that said, I hope you like this one as much as the 1st part and hope you'll still stick around for part #003 of Dancing with the Devil — I can assure you that there would be more revelations and more things developing there ;)

Taglist: @axartia | @my5colors | @elinushka-ka ((sorry if I missed out anyone!))

#enhypen vampire #enhypen imagines #enhypenwriters #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon imagines #park sunghoon #enhypen scenarios #enhypen #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon vampire #kpop imagines #sunghoon scenarios #enhypen sunghoon scenarios #kpop scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen x female reader #enhypen vampire au

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: In Praise of Folly - 3

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring, two years ago

Characters: Nagisa, Hiyori, Ibara

Proofreading: Remi + 310mc (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: Peace & hyenahunt

Hiyori: Someone like Tatsumi Kazehaya, however, may truly believe in such dreams from the bottom of his heart.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Nagisa: ... That is true. Tatsumi Kazehaya's ideals of "equality" and "fairness" could never coexist from the very start.

Hiyori: But of course. It seems everyone here is well aware of this fact, so while there is no need to elaborate on it any further, allow me to do so anyway.

The compatibility of equality and fairness, hm? Say we applied such concepts to a foot race — That would mean everyone would start at the same time, and everyone would reach the goal at the same time, yes?

Hiyori: However, each individual has their own differences, or shall I say, their own individual quirks. Be it their athleticism, their stamina, or even simply their condition on that day — everyone is different.

That's why, were this to be held in the usual way a race operates, you would essentially be creating a ranking order amongst them just by making everyone start at the same time.

If there are no external factors that could influence the outcome, then by every right the fastest person would win the race.

And that's essentially natural law, no? The one who ought to win shall be the one to win.

But in ranking each person, you are then creating "inequality".

Though everyone may have a "fair" start, the finish line itself becomes "inequal".

And then if you aim to remove that contradiction and aspire towards "equality" instead, then the "fairness" of it would grow questionable.

The two concepts are simply incompatible. Why, you would be taking the fastest child and binding weights to their legs to force them to slow down.

Or instead, you must have them run a longer distance than anyone else — of course, assuming that everyone is running with all their might, for if not then the end result would not be equal.

In essence, in order for the outcome to be “equal”, then the starting point must be “unfair”.

Nagisa: ... I see. That’s a very clear explanation.

... If you are to seek either “equality” or “fairness”, the opposite will inevitably surface. The two concepts are wholly incompatible.

Ibara: That's right. That is why Mr. Tatsumi Kazehaya's idealistic thoughts were nothing but just that: thoughts.

Oh, certainly no one would disagree with a world where one could be treated as equally as another, while at the same time being fair about it. In fact, I'm sure everyone would be quite happy with it.

However... The truth of the matter is that the world is made up of unique individuals, and so long as that is the case, that ideal is nothing more than a pipe dream.

A heaven, an early paradise, that can only exist as a concept — that truly is something a religious leader would think up.

Nagisa: ......

Ibara: At the same time, I for one have never seen Mr. Tatsumi Kazehaya as someone so foolishly blind to reality.

He's simply someone who's sought to make his dreams come true through pure religious zeal.

Hiyori: That's where he differs from Eichi-kun, isn't it? He used pretty, idealistic words like those to win everyone over, but ultimately they were used simply as a convenient front for what we were actually doing.

Someone like Tatsumi Kazehaya, however, may truly believe in such dreams from the bottom of his heart.

Ibara: That may be true. I believe we all agree on what we just discussed — that “equality” and “fairness” cannot coexist. And for my part, I believe it to be an undeniable truth.

However, there is a way for our reality to come ever closer to that idealistic view.

Mr. Tatsumi Kazehaya has done just that—with the exact conviction that any brave but tragic martyr may have had.

His ideals, if only for a moment, became reality.

Nagisa: ... I thought that such a thing was impossible for humanity, however.

Ibara: It is. That is why, if only for a moment, he must have become "something beyond human comprehension", such as a god or an angel, or perhaps a saint.

Hiyori: Saints, hm? They play a role much like that of myriad gods within polytheistic religions.

While it wouldn't pass within religions that worship a one and absolute God, saints are treated akin to gods, with the only difference from them being that they were once human.

Idolatrous images are made out of them and worshipped, and in turn they grant their worshippers divine protection.

The same can be said about demons. A certain unified church has been filching the various concepts of both saints and demons from other religions to worship them as godlike figures on their own.

Nagisa: ... I agree. A saint is someone who merely fills in the gaps that God cannot reach alone.

Ibara: I have no interest in discussing religion. But it is true that Mr. Tatsumi Kazehaya did something meritable enough for others to call him a saint.

In order to allow the contradiction of "equality" and "fairness" to coexist, there must be something to counteract it: an "exception" to the two.

Mr. Tatsumi Kazehaya himself is that very "exception".

Hiyori: ..Whatever do you mean?

Ibara: To put it simply, the system he established accounts for the equality and fairness of all except himself.

By allowing himself to take on the burden of being treated "unfairly" and "inequal" to those around him, everyone else reaps the benefits of the earthly paradise he sought.

Just as the original saint of Christianity, Jesus Christ, had done so long ago, crucified upon the cross to absolve humanity of their sins.

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#enstars #ensemble stars #enstars translation #hyenahunttl #s: obbligato #ibara saegusa #nagisa ran #hiyori tomoe

[sunnyelfs]

I can't stop thinking about August after what we learned about him in season three

I know a lot of people will disagree with this, but August made a difference. I've seen people say it doesn't matter because he didn't eliminate initiation completely, but I can't agree with that. We've seen through a wide variety of characters that almost no one even cared to make a difference. Generations of students at Hillerska simply turned a blind eye and accepted the status quo. And this is especially interesting in the context of Erik, August, and Wille.

From what we know about the hierarchy at Hillerska, Erik in his third year would have been the most powerful student in the school, much less in Forest Ridge. We know very little about Erik. We could say that he seemed like a pretty confident person, but we can't know for sure if that was the truth or just a facade. What we can say for sure, however, is that if he really wanted to, he could have changed his classmates' minds and removed THAT part in the initiation. He didn't. He didn't even refuse to take part himself, and as far as we know he didn't see a problem with Wille going through the initiation as well.

But August, who was somewhere near the bottom of the hierarchy in his first year, decided to gain power, and what was his goal? To make a difference. Which he did. His motives were mostly selfish, no doubt, but, you know, I genuinely don't care what people are motivated by if their contribution actually helps someone. Yes, he didn't cancel the initiation completely - he couldn't have. In season two, we saw how little it really took for his own friends to oust him as head boy and captain. If he had tried to insist on not doing the first-year initiation at all, he would have met exactly the same resistance from his fellow students because, again, most of them treated the situation as "if we suffered, they should too." In that case, August wouldn't have changed anything at all. But he was clearly able to convince the others that the video part could be left out, and it was accepted.

To be honest, I got the impression from season two that Wilhelm would also be the one to use his power to make changes. We've already seen him convince the Society to turn against Alexander instead of Simon. We've also seen his subtle (and not so subtle) manipulations in season two. Until the final season, I thought that in his third year, Wilhelm would also be the head boy and probably lead the Society, and for his part, do his best to reform their old traditions. Because that's the way these things usually happen: gradually.

I thought about all of this before the final episode and before the fandom discussion, before I found out that the series wasn't at all what I thought it was, so… I guess none of this makes sense.

#young royals #august young royals #august horn #wilhelm young royals

[haileyywrites]

The Poet & His Muse - Venti/Barbatos x gn!reader

"Once upon a time - there lived a Poet in Mondstadt. The Poet loved his music, but not more than he loved his Muse. The Muse sang of love while the Poet played, until the day his Muse sang no longer..."

Mondstadt was the city of freedom and of poets - many who would come to be known throughout it's rich history. However, none were more famous than the young lovers simply known as "The Poet" and "The Muse".

The Poet was rumored to have been Lord Barbatos himself, for he could play the most beautiful songs imaginable with his shining golden lyre. But the Poet began lacking inspiration to play at all, let alone something new. He would walk and glide through the lively city, yet nothing would capture him. Not even the worship and love of his people.

At night he draged himself to the tavern where he ordered a drink of Dandelion Wine - which he savoured through the night. He stared mindlessly into the liquid, as if trying to find answers within. His attention would be brought back into reality as the once loud and lively tavern became dead silent, before a voice that could only be described as angelic began to sing.

He - like everyone else, turned his body to face the person making such beautiful noise and was simply in awe of the sight. Not only was their voice heavenly, the person themselves was a sight to behold and he could do nothing but watch with hearts in his aqua green eyes. Completely captured in the lovely tune.

While the Muse sang more beautifully than the gods themselves - no one would disagree with that, but everyone could feel something missing from their music. The Muse wasn't ignorant to that either, but like the Poet, could not find the thing they were missing.

The Muse was not blind to the enchanted gaze of the Poet, for some reason his intense gaze did not make them feel uneasy. Quite opposite infact, as they gazed back just as much and after the performance they approached him. He kindly offered them a drink of his favorite wine, which they accepted.

Such a simple meeting and yet it felt like fate. From the moment their eyes locked from across the room a connection had been made. They got along perfectly and the hours the spent that night simply talking felt like mere moments, as if time had stopped or ceased to exist whilst together.

After the tavern keeper closed the bar and sent them on their way they took a stroll through the city before the Poet brought the Muse home. He took hold of their hand, but gave them an opportunity to pull away should they wish to do so. When they didn't - he laid a sweet kiss upon the back of their hand with a cheeky smile forming on his lips.

They said goodnight to each other that night, but not goodbye as they were sure they would meet again - and they would. They found themselves always going to the same place at the same time or bumbing into each other by accident. They also found each other to be the missing thing - the missing element in their music.

Soon, no matter where you were in Mondstadt you could hear the lyre being played while a song was sang. When following the sound, a young couple could be found, the Poet and his Muse. Their eyes full of love and adoration to each other, the lyrics clearly meant for each other. It was almost sickeningly sweet, almost.

Sadly, such happiness was not destined to last. A world such as this was cruel indeed to take the one and only true love away from the Anemo Archon. Such a long time he had lived already, as he was one of the few who managed to survived the Archon War. All without a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold onto.

No one knew if the Poet ever told the truth of his being to the Muse, but he certainly had to have come to terms with easily outliving them at some point. Not that he would expect it happen like this or this soon...

The Muse's passing was mourned by all who lived in Mondstadt and even those who were lucky enough to have heard them sing during their short visit to the City of Freedom. The sky was dark is it too wept for them and it's tears would not stop pouring for the weeks to come, nor did anyone else's.

The Poet was at a loss, unable to even look at his beloved lyre. The Muse was his music and his happiness, his music had always been about them - even before he himself knew it to be true. He wished to drown his sorrows away in the tavern, but was unable to even set a foot inside. Let alone drink his favorite wine, for all things reminded him of his Muse...

In the end the Poet would leave his beloved City of Freedom and wander the world. This is where the story ends, but not where his story ended. As he would slowly heal from his grief, with the help of an old friend. And, when he was ready and satisfied with his journey he would return back as a poet known as Venti and recite poetry with his trusty lyre in hand. He was known for the "Tale of The Poet & His Muse".

And though his heart still ached for his Muse, he learned to live a life with happiness as he had learned to appreciate the simple things in life and how fleeting it truly was. But he also became more guarded against other people, not letting closer than casual acquaintance's.

The ending is kinda bad? I didn't really know how to end this... Sorry! :') It also got kinda long but I personally loved writing this and am happy enough with how it turned out!

It was pointed out that it had female pronouns, I'm terribly sorry for these mistakes! If you find any more please point them out - thanks!

#genshin impact #genshin impact fandom #genshin impact fanfics #genshin impact venti #genshin impact barbatos #venti the bard #venti x reader #venti x you #barbatos x you #barbatos x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #angst #venti angst #barbatos angst #anemo archon

[girlgerard]

hi! what are your thoughts on this post/thread? just genuinely curious!

well first of all i think it’s a little weird that whenever something about racial dynamics gets brought up, i and the few other active poc mcr blogs all get asks about it. i don’t think you meant anything bad by it, but it feels quite tokenizing. second, yeah i think they’re right, somewhat. don’t think i’m going to simply say boohoo they’re wrong, gerard is my blorbo. gerard is chronically white and goyische, in a way that’s extremely cloying if you look at their writing and general interests. they themselves have actually commented on this, expressing that they regret almost exclusively writing white characters in their comics cause it was, in all honesty, a stupid fucking decision. yes, gerard is incapable of writing characters that are not self-inserts, and they are in fact a white person, but they’ve consistently demonstrated ignorance in racial diversity, something that’s juxtaposed harshly against their welcoming inclusive nature of queer and trans characters. so yeah, i think the basic points that post made made have a lot of truth in them.

i do, however, disagree with the general conclusion and motivation behind the post. it starts off with a statement that people should acknowledge that everyones ‘faves’ are problematic, which is true. ‘your faves are problematic’ is a clumsy twitter way of saying that no one is infallible and everyone has biases blind spots and fuck ups, and understanding that is important for growth and progression. the way the post is written, however, does not follow that model. the post is essentially singling out gerard as irredeemable and A Racist, which i disagree with. gerard writes like every other white person raised in a conservative white town with zero bias training. they are not a rare breed in terms of racial ignorance

i understand op’s anger - absolutely i do. being a brown person in this fan space is fucking garbage, to be quite honest, and the band has never made that any easier. it’s good to point out gerard’s inadequacies in their writing and the harmful stereotypes they weave into their narratives, because they should learn and grow from those criticisms. it’s irritating and disappointing that its taken them fifteen years to even start learning about racial dynamics in storytelling. it’s also good to tamp down on the hero worship. i love gerard, obviously, more than i’ve loved any figure i’ve never met. i am also incredibly aware of their white goyischeness. even their stupidass white wicca phase makes me uncomfortable, as well as the fact that they’re into surface-level conspiracy and goddamned morrissey. though i love their comics, the distinct lack of brown folk has always pissed me the fuck off. it’s glaring and transparently ignorant. however, calling them a straight up bad person for not understanding how to peer outside their own racial bubble is unproductive. once again - read any white comic writer’s material. they’re all like this. that doesn’t mean it sucks any less, believe me it hurts, but it does mean that gerard is not unique in this. it’s not an Isolated Gerard Issue - it’s an issue with their whiteness and their general ignorance at how that affects their artwork.

basically, i agree with many of the points op made, i disagree with their tone and conclusion, i empathize with what they’re feeling as a brown person and a jew in a white culturally christian fandom, and attempting to discredit all of gerard’s art because of their chronic and irritating whiteness is unproductive and inflammatory. acknowledge and criticize their faults; they have many, believe me. however, criticizing is different than crucifying.

white people do not add your own thoughts to this post. god knows you’ve said enough. and please please think before you ask random brown people on the internet what their thoughts are on a controversy simply because it’s about a Brown Topic. it’s quite exhausting. we are not here simply to answer questions this white fandom panics in the face of. i answered this ask because i got no less than five asks about this topic, and i thought it was important enough to respond to, but please think before you tokenize

also please don’t tag op or smth lol i’m not arguing with them i’m just saying i think their conclusion is unproductive while also agreeing with their calling out of important shortcomings people in this fandom ignore.

#i’m not mad at you at all btw don’t worry #it’s just. every time something Brown happens all the brown people in this fandom get flooded with asks about their opinions #especially since im a gerard blog it feels like people just want to say ‘well THIS brown person likes them so they did nothing wrong!!!!’

[thranduel]

mike, will & el: lies vs truth

*these are my own personal opinions based on what i’ve observed. it’s fine if you disagree!! i’m tagging byler, mike and will so it shows up in their tags only, so if you happen to come across this and you don’t like byler, don’t bother reading because this heavily focuses on how close they are and how strong their relationship is ☺️

mike and el

el has always known mike doesn't like being lied to and it’s one of the first things he teaches her (see screenshot above), but after they start dating, she lies to him a lot (including in all her letters in season 4) because she doesn't feel comfortable telling the truth or being herself around him. mike also lies to el a lot, and even when confronted, continues to lie, because he also can't be himself around her either. lying has only hurt both of them and the people around them, and although they may find it difficult to open up because they have their own struggles, it just shows that they don’t understand each other and being in a romantic relationship (that was extremely rushed for two children) isn’t helping them.

also, none of the other characters have fully approved or said anything positive about their relationship, and it’s not really surprising considering mike and el force themselves to act a certain way around each other and exclude everyone around them when they’re trying to be lovey dovey (which isn’t romantic or healthy). obviously they’re not intentionally trying to hurt people but they just get blinded by their relationship and it’s not good. it’s like they’re trying so hard to compensate for the lack of important things in their relationship (trust, honesty, proper communication, shared interests, understanding) with things that they just think are expected in a typical romantic relationship (making out, shoving everyone else to the side just to be with each other, basically just cheesy things that they see every other couple do and what romantic movies show).

the other characters have only encouraged them to break up and/or called them out for lying and being unfair which says a lot, and i think it’s also very interesting to note that the general audience and casual viewers started hating mike the moment he started dating el, because that’s when his character changed. if a character becomes worse after getting into a relationship and his own friends call him out for it more than once AND most of the audience starts hating him (there are literally polls that show he’s the least favourite main character now), isn’t that telling you that this relationship just simply isn’t good? couples are supposed to bring out the best in each other, not make each other become worse.

"they're just kids" and "couples always have issues" may have worked as an excuse at one point, and it would’ve been understandable since it was their first relationship (especially for el who was only just starting to learn about these things), but that excuse just simply doesn’t work anymore after season 4, and it’s really weird when people STILL try to say it and force them to stay together when it’s clearly hurting them (and others around them). and if they’re “just kids” that are immature, make mistakes, lie, argue, make each other feel insecure (even if it’s unintentional) and don’t even understand each other, why are they in a relationship at all? like you said, they’re just kids. why would anyone want to watch kids with unresolved trauma and their own personal struggles stuck in a relationship like this where they’re not even helping each other? do people even care about the characters?

they’ve been dating for years and they've had plenty of time to grow and develop as a couple throughout the series, but they haven't. they’ve only made each other feel worse and more insecure (not intentionally but still). they've shown that they can be mature and honest and they can be themselves with other characters, so why can't they be like that in their own relationship? it's because they just simply don't understand each other and don't work as a couple. everything was so rushed for them, and that's okay to admit.

there is no honest communication, no trust, no understanding, and even when they try to comfort each other, it just doesn't seem to work. they lie a lot and pretend like everything is okay when it isn't, and they never actually end up resolving any issues. there’s not a single scene where they have a proper heart-to-heart conversation where they're being completely honest and understanding of each other. there’s not a single scene where they’re doing something they actually enjoy together (because they don't really having anything in common) while being their true selves instead of acting fake and forcing themselves to be people they're not. they’ve only had make out scenes and scenes where they ignore their friends and exclude them. i’ve never seen a scene where mike is with el AND their other friends, where mike is actually being kind and paying attention to the others. it’s like he can't balance his relationships and he completely switches his personality to “obsessed with el” mode and forces himself to only focus on her and it’s not cute, romantic or healthy at all. there was absolutely no reason for both of them to completely ignore will and exclude him at the roller rink, especially when all three of them know what it's like to be outcasted and left out. and when mike and el fight, they’re both pretty stubborn and don’t immediately apologise or check up on each other. mike waited until the next morning before seeing if el was okay after being bullied and making her feel worse, and then he kept denying things that she confronted him about.

i understand that they both have their own trauma and struggles. their feelings are valid and i can see why they might struggle to open up sometimes. but the point i’m trying to make is that they simply don’t work together as a romantic couple because they just don’t understand each other at all. if you can’t be yourself with your partner or feel comfortable enough to communicate with them, that means you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them OR at least take a break from dating for a while instead of forcing the relationship to continue. people always seem to ignore the fact that mike and el met as CHILDREN and kissed when they were 12 years old and knew each other for 6 days. el didn’t even know what romance was and she couldn’t communicate at the same level as mike. he literally had to teach her the word “friend” a few days earlier so the last thing she needed was a boyfriend. they rushed into romance so quickly, and even now, they’re only 15 years old and still struggling with so much unresolved trauma. even though they love and care for each other so much, they are still KIDS that they don’t understand each other or work as a couple. how can anyone think this relationship is romantic or healthy for them??

and no, being forced into saying a monologue where you tell someone things that you know they want to hear (because of a previous fight) because you're under pressure and trying to save them is not actually solving any of your relationship problems, especially when you lie in the process. you should be able to tell your partner you love them without them begging and crying in front of you. you should be able to tell your partner you love them when they don't have their powers. you should be able to tell your partner you love them without being pushed into it because of your best friend's feelings for you. you should be able to tell your partner you love them when they're not in danger and fighting for their life. you should not have to be forced into telling your partner you love them. and the excuse that mike was insecure and afraid of losing el will never make sense from a writing standpoint, because he knew exactly what she wanted to hear when she was crying in front of him. he knew she left with owens and didn't take him with her because he didn't tell her he loved her ("maybe i should've said something. and if i would've said that thing, then maybe she'd want me there with her"). he knew the entire time, so it just doesn't make sense why he couldn't comfort her or say 3 simple words. she was crying in front of him, practically begging to hear it. if he loved her so much and his fear was losing her, not only should he have said it during all the years they were dating WITHOUT her asking him to, but he should've said it the moment she started crying and confronted him about it. but he still didn't. he couldn't.

a forced monologue full of exaggerated lies that were said in an attempt to sound "romantic" doesn't suddenly fix all of that. it would've been more genuine and romantic if he at least tried to be honest. even if it was something like "i know things didn't start out easy for us at the beginning, and i'm sorry for that. but honestly... i realised how special you were the moment i saw your selflessness. how determined you were to help find will, a boy you didn't even know, even if it meant risking your life. and how you saved me that day, as well as so many other people... that'll be something i won't ever forget. there are so many people that love and care for you, and we believe in you". that's just a rough idea, but literally ANYTHING other than lies would've been so much better and more genuine than what we actually got. and it would've been nice to see him appreciate el as a person and mention all her good qualities. her kindness, her selflessness, the way she's willing to risk her life to save others. but instead, he idolised her for her powers and spoke about her abilities. he just lied and made things up that we know aren't true.

how could a 12 year old who was traumatised about his missing best friend and was so focused on finding him fall in love with a stranger in the woods who he looked at for two seconds and hadn't even spoken a word to? how could someone who doesn't believe in love at first sight ("it's not fate, it's not destiny, it's just simple dumb luck") or forming an opinion on someone before actually getting to know them ("awesome? you haven't even spoken a word to her" and "hate you? how can i hate you? i don't even know you") suddenly act like he believes in love at first sight to try and sound romantic? el would've understood if he told the truth because she knows it wasn't love at first sight either. it just made the scene look cheesy and it felt way less genuine. it also felt extremely invalidating and hurtful to will too considering that's the time he went missing and was fighting for his life in an alternate dimension. mike could've picked anything else to say to el and he chose that? really?

meanwhile…

it's also ironic that they both have a scene where they say the word "trust", when their relationship barely has any trust or honesty, and el proceeds to lie two seconds later, like she's been doing for months in her letters. also, they don't share any similar interests and seem to think the other's hobbies and interests are weird. not necessarily in a bad way, but they just don't understand each other.

el also spies on mike in season 3 without him knowing, looking a little disgusted and weirded out when he's just being himself (and fine, to be fair, he wasn't really behaving nicely in this scene and he was being whiny lol, but it just shows how mike is when he's with the boys, being his true self and not faking his personality or trying to appear cool). el isn't used to seeing him like that because he always acts like someone he's not when he's around her, so she was surprised. when mike finds out about this, he's understandably upset and embarrassed because she took advantage of her abilities and invaded his privacy. this shows the lack of trust and communication in their relationship. it's also weird how after they break up, they don't even go to each other. mike whines and feels sorry for himself instead of thinking about el's feelings, and el spies on mike instead of talking to him properly. they only talk days later when they have no choice and have to work together again with the others.

mike and will

will has always known that mike doesn't like being lied to and he doesn't like when other people lie to him either. he knows him very well and wants to look out for him so he doesn't get upset. he also knows that lies can eventually turn messy and he was definitely right in this case. if el hadn't lied to mike about her life in california, the bullying incident may have been avoided entirely, as well as el hitting angela with the rollerskate and mike and el's big fight (that mike claims they can't come back from) the next day. and no, it wasn’t will’s job to tell mike. he can’t do everything for them or they’ll never grow and develop as a couple (and clearly they’re not, we see their relationship getting worse each season) and it only ends up hurting both of them. if mike and el are the ones that are dating, they should know how to communicate and be honest with each other. if they can’t do that and someone always has to intervene and help them manage their own relationship, they shouldn’t be dating at all.

something i also find really beautiful is that in mike and will's very first one-on-one conversation in the first episode, will tells mike the truth about the roll. this is the introduction to their relationship and we can already see that there is trust and honesty; something very important to both of them.

mike and will continue to tell each other the truth and confide in each other throughout the show. in season 2, will only talks to mike about the mindflayer and everything he’s struggling with. mike also opens up to will when he talks about how guilty he feels for not being able to save el. they both feel safe and comfortable with each other, and they don’t leave each other’s side all season. although they’re more distant in season 3, will is still very honest, especially during their fight scene where he lets everything out and doesn’t deny that he wants to spend the rest of his life playing games with mike in his basement. he even makes sarcastic little comments in other episodes when mike annoys him. he doesn’t hold back or pretend to be fake. he can always be himself with mike and mike knows that. it’s something that has always made them so much more genuine compared to other couples and it shows how close they are.

the only time will lies to mike is when he gives him the painting and confesses his own feelings for him, but uses el's name as a disguise. but it's very important to remember that this is completely different to when el lies to mike and when mike lies to el. mike and el lie to each other because they don't feel like equals or understand each other. they don't feel comfortable with each other and they can't be themselves. they lie to each other so that they can make themselves look cool to impress each other. that's not the case with mike and will. we know that they understand each other better than anyone else and they feel comfortable with each other. they love each other for exactly who they are (and they know that!) and they don't have to hide or pretend to be people they're not to impress each other. will only lied here because he wanted to make mike feel better since he saw that he was upset, and because he obviously couldn't tell the full truth since it wasn't right and he also wasn’t ready to come out. will would never try to get in the way of mike's relationship. he wasn't trying to take him away from el, he was only trying to help because he saw that he was upset and struggling with his insecurities. he was half lying to him (by using el as a disguise), but also telling the truth, because what he described is how he truly feels about mike. will only had good intentions as well. he was thinking about mike the entire time, not himself. he was trying to do what he thought was best for him in that moment. he could've kept silent and let mike stay upset, but he chose to give him the painting and sacrifice his own feelings for him to make him feel better. i'm not sure how mike will react to that, but it's a completely different thing from when mike and el lie to each other. i know some people think mike will get mad, but i actually think he'll understand and appreciate it, even if it takes time.

the relief and happiness on will's face when he sees that mike is happy after seeing the painting is the cutest thing ever 💛

and look at mike's little smile after he hears about how will feels about him :') he just doesn't know it yet!!

and finally, another important thing. mike and will always resolve their issues after they argue (which, by the way, they've only had two small arguments. and both times it was because they weren't paying attention to each other lol. also notice how mike and will never argued with each other until mike started dating el? they didn’t start arguing because of their own relationship, because we know their relationship is strong and healthy and they’ve always been close and understand each other so well. they started arguing because of mike and el’s relationship because it’s unhealthy and mike started changing and forcing himself to act a certain way. i think this is very important to note). anyways, mike immediately went to will both times to apologise and we know mike is usually stubborn when it comes to apologising, but not with will. no one had to pressure him to do it. after their first argument in 3x03, he rode his bike during a storm to apologise and check if will was okay. after their second argument in 4x02, he went to will's room to say apologise again and check if will was okay. mike took full responsibility for how he acted and didn't let will blame himself because he knew it wasn't his fault at all and he understood why he was hurt. mike showed his vulnerable side, something he can only do with will, and admitted he wasn't acting great and was probably focusing too much on el. then he admits he was scared that he lost will and that hawkins wasn't the same without him. he tells will that he thinks it'll be better if they're a team. friends. best friends. this makes will feel better because he said "i thought we were best friends" the previous day during their fight, and he felt like they were growing apart. mike reassured him that wasn't the case, and they ended up even closer by the end of the conversation, with smiles on their faces and tears in their eyes.

mike and el on the other hand didn't resolve any of their issues. in fact, they never do (also remember how i mentioned above that mike and will have never argued because of their own relationship? well mike and el do argue because of their own relationship. it’s not about other people, it’s about them. their relationship is always the issue and they always start fighting because they just don’t work together as a couple). even back in season 3, they didn't properly apologise to each other or admit to anything that they did behind the other's back. they just... moved on like nothing happened? and then in season 4, people act like the monologue solved all their relationship issues, when it didn't. not even close. for starters, el never apologised to mike for lying in her letters. mike never had a good excuse for not comforting el or telling her he loved her when she was sobbing. el went with owens even though she was warned she might never see mike again, and left him a letter saying "from, el". mike crumpled it up and threw it in the trash, before saying it was like a fight they can't come back from. mike wasn't going to say his monologue if it weren’t for will. it was will's painting and monologue that made mike feel loved and gave him strength and motivation. mike thought will was talking about el when he wasn't. even when el was choking on the table, mike wasn't saying anything. he only said it when will pushed him to. then he proceeded to make up lies that made absolutely no sense and contradicted things we've literally seen in the show. and i understand he was under pressure and trying to save her so he had to tell her what she wanted to hear, but he was still lying regardless. that's why it makes no sense when people act like it's a genuine love confession. also, mike didn't even know if she could hear him. they weren't face-to-face. it wasn't private or intimate. he didn't mention anything about her other than her powers because that's all he really knows about her. he didn't say it because he was ready to or wanted to, he said it because she was literally choking and he was under pressure and had no other choice. obviously he loves her so much and cares for her, but that monologue was not a genuine love confession. it was more like a motivational speech that happened during a stressful moment and it only happened because it was forced. it was also insulting that will was used as a plot device to make it happen in the first place AND that mike was lying to el, but anyways. afterwards, we don't even see mike and el interact, and after the time skip, el isn't talking to mike. it's like they started off close at the beginning of the season and ended up further apart by the end, which is the opposite to mike and will.

#byler #mike wheeler #will byers #byler analysis #there's more lies that i'm missing but i got tired of screenshotting and editing lol

[amphiptere-art]

Tonight one of our kings betrayed us. Although I am uncertain if my other guards are telling the truth.

The king that stayed seems disheveled. For it was their sister that left. And while the guards say that their sister betrayed them, I am uncertain. The king seems upset. I have no knowledge of what happened beforehand. Nor do I have any knowledge of what was said between my other guards as they chased the sister.

But I believe My fellow guards in their haste misread the situation. Siblings argue all the time. The king had been discussing ways to get the dragons to treat us fairly. As as much as Shadows kindness has put a bullet through their understanding it has not changed it. The king had discussed fighting the light dragons. As far as I understand it is only to them and no one else.

But I can imagine his sister to be disagreeing of it. While some might call it heresy for the once king to disagree with their sibling. She was always a kind one. She had a blind hope that things would change naturally, and not by force. She had a great fear of the demon of our past. I do not think the kings appearance would have helped if a scuffle broke out between the topic.

The king has been quiet. Our only orders are that if we see her, to restrain her and bring her back. He has not given anything else to follow. I believe it has opened a gateway for rumors to spread around. The guards that were actually there I believe are not helping. Some are saying she is to be exiled for her treacherous act. Others simply think she will be held until the war is over. I believe the King simply just wants there sibling back.

Either way the orders are to bring her back. I do not know what she could have run without being seen though. She is quite unique in her appearance. But she has avoided us so far. So the war goes on. We are setting out tonight for our first attack. The king is attempting their best to only fight those who are with the light dragon king. There are many light dragon cities that we are not to touch.

As much as I do believe in his idea. I am unsure if this is the way to fix it. We were already demonized, And it took our Great King Shadow quite some time to fix it. I fear his actions here will ruin what has been conquered so far. But I understand the reasoning. We are only to attack when attacked. Only to fight the light dragons, and the ones most prominently that fight with the light dragon king. I pray that it will not sour our appearance to the other kings. But the simply is no other way.

In some way or form we need the wretched King that banished just to the outlands in the first place to be gone. He is the one that perpetuates the rumors and still holds the highest power over the council. Honestly to some point I wish the council had never been erected. But there is nothing I can do the change the war that will start soon.

To the great God of history. Alvis the ancient One. I dedicate this journal entry to your library. I hope that when I fall into Eternata's grasp, this shall be used to better the times after. War is a fickle thing. So may my memory be burned forever in your eternal library where decay cannot reach.

Journal log date 67013/7/23

Thank you for your entry Calvin thly dehard. I shall add this to the section of the siblings war. Your word shall be remembered even long past this stories end.

#the Shadow wars #Shadow wars #the locked door #shadow dragon #dragon #dragons

[peachyloveswriting]

Cartman x fem!reader who's dating kyle but it's like super obvious her and cartman like eachother (not obvious to kyle)

ITS NOT HARD TO SEE (YOU'RE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH ME) --- Cartman

SUMMARY: You've been with Kyle for two years now, and the sparkle has left you. Now someone else has your interest piqued.

NOTES: This is speaking from experience lol.

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

"We hardly ever have time to see one another anymore, he's either with you guys or doing something for school." I drone.

Eric hums. "Maybe you should just break up with him." A mischievous glint in his eye rears its ugly head at me, yet I see no obvious reasons to disagree. Even for as long as I've been with Kyle, Eric showed me something that I could have, something that I wanted, something I don't have. What I want in a relationship, is what he showed me. I'll admit, I still love Kyle but I just can't see myself with him anymore.

"Honestly, I might do that."

--

-> Everyone knows that Kyle and Eric absolutely despise one another. So when word started spreading about you liking Eric people were shocked. And even more so by the circumstances.

-> You honestly never saw yourself as the type to want someone else while still in a relationship but after a two year long relationship with Kyle you started to lose interest. Sure you still care for him but it just wasn't romantic anymore. You honestly weren't sure how to tell him that. So as time slid by you spent less and less time with him each day, which made it easy to get closer to Eric; your next door neighbor.

-> Eric did all the things to you the Kyle never did, he did things like make you walk on the inside of the sidewalk, if strangers came up to speak to him he'd put his hand out to shield you just in case. It's a small endearing act but it's just so uncommon now that he totally had you falling head over heels. you even discussed it with your parents and they agreed that your relationship with Kyle was more platonic than romantic.

-> you're true feelings for Eric eventually we're exposed to him however you begged for him to not say anything to Kyle and where he would normally be shoving something like this in his face he was keeping quiet.

-> more and more you'd find yourself staying the night with Eric, and spending time with him in and out of school. At this point there was no way someone didn't know you liked him except for Kyle. He was oblivious. Truth be told you confided in Kenny for help on the matter. He suggested you just break it off with Kyle and not tell him anything of the truth. Simply tell him what happened, you lost feelings and that's it.

-> soon enough the time came where you broke up with Kyle, as sad as he was he took it well at first. Even agreeing that the two of you could stay friends. But now without the vale of love blocking his vision the situation became more and more clear to him. You liked Eric and that was the plain and simple version.

-> in a fit of jealousy he started treating you better than before, doing things he wouldn't normally do for you to try and win you over. but it was useless, you just turned a blind eye. After the jealousy came the anger, he lashed out at you calling you a cheater and leaving you in the dark. Eventually he came around and just accepted what was going on but he never really completely forgave you for what you didn't tell him right up at the end.

#eric cartman x reader #kyle broflovski x reader #south park headcanons #south park x reader

[snow-system-wol]

After returning from Matoya's Relic to rest at the Rising Stones for a short while, S'ria is intent on making sure G'raha understands his efforts have been appreciated. Perhaps G'raha's sleep-deprived filter is a bit lacking, though -- as he responds with approximately three words more than he meant to.

Ao3

S'ria was many things. He was, however, not an idiot. Even if there weren't some clear implications to Y'shtola's teasing, it was not subtle that G'raha's feelings for him went perhaps a bit beyond just admiration. (As if the Exarch had not all but admitted it himself, on multiple occasions.)

It had scared him at first. He'd maybe prefer that all feelings towards him be platonic at best, no matter who the person was. But G'raha was …kind. Kind and gentle and easy to trust (once they got through a few specific arguments back on the First.) That was almost worse. He felt like safe enough of a person that S'ria found himself…considering what it would be like. To be in a relationship like that of his own choosing.

That was most assuredly a terrible idea, though, wasn't it? Certainly not a way he'd like to mess up one of his closest friendships. It didn't seem like G'raha intended on acknowledging it himself anytime soon, so for now the matter could simply wait.

And wait it did, as they continued to make the best of their relative peace, as Alisaie and G'raha renewed their efforts to find a cure for tempering, as they actually made progress.

It was beautiful to behold, watching G'raha shift from awkwardly desperate to help Alisaie to becoming so invested in the research that he simply forgot to be anxious. For his own part, S'ria felt like he mostly succeeded in doing a bit of busy work and providing moral support, but that was alright. The important part was that Alisaie and G'raha made it work.

S'ria expected G'raha to be riding that high for days. After all, this was truly an accomplishment for the history books – an accomplishment he made happen, rather than just earnestly recording.

However, something about returning to Mor Dhona made him reset to his prior self-consciousness, blind to his own place among the Scions.

 

"Full glad am I to have helped at all, with something so important."

There was something bittersweet in his voice that S'ria had come to easily recognize by now. 'I could've done more.' It'd been there many times, when he listened to G'raha, and rarely was he sure how to convince him otherwise – but he wasn't going to just let that go, not this time. If nothing else, just this once, he wanted to say his piece.

S'ria stepped closer, placing a hand on G'raha's shoulder. G'raha, startled, met S'ria's eyes – even if that required him to look upwards a good bit.

"G'raha, with all the respect I can give – you're slightly an idiot in regards to yourself." He ignored the look of confused indignation on G'raha's face and continued on undeterred. "–for somehow not recognizing that you're actually brilliant. You're 'glad to have helped at all'? I, and everyone else, all know that this would've been truly impossible without you. And I don't just mean your Allagan blood, I mean the fact that you just continuously pulled lost knowledge out of your head like it was nothing. I mean, you memorized an entirely new type of magic after it was shown on a screen for literally seconds."

"I–I don't–"

S'ria, uncharacteristically, pulled him into a hug. "...I hope you weren't about to disagree with me – it's the truth. I want you to understand how much you continue to impress me at every turn."

G'raha stood there, forehead resting on S'ria's shoulder, caught between the competing urges to start furiously blushing or to start crying. He didn't know what to say to that. For a man being told how much intelligence his mind held, it was rather blank at the moment. The recent sleep deprivation was not helping at all. Twelve help him, that must've been why the only words that managed to tumble out of his mouth were an "oh", followed immediately by a dumbfounded, "I love you".

Oh no. There was a reason he'd never said such a thing. He prepared to be pushed away, for S'ria to berate him in some manner, to be rejected. Instead, S'ria remained as he was, arms still wrapped loosely around G'raha.

"I know."

And that was almost worse, having the lack of subtlety he'd shown confirmed for him. How long ago did S'ria figure this out? He didn't seem… upset, though. And he'd spent all this time with him lately, despite knowing about those feelings. Which meant… which meant what exactly? That wasn't clear. He could easily lose sleep if he didn't stop analyzing this.

G'raha had never really had his feelings not rebuked immediately, so he really wasn't sure where to go from there. Just pretending he never blurted that out was probably not the right path though. G'raha cautiously filed 'have a probably very embarrassing and/or terrifying conversation' onto his ever growing to-do list.

#snow-system #ffxiv-oc #ffxiv-reactions #s'ria 🌸❄️ #writings #well #here's the snowgraha Official Confession #they then proceed to put this aside for the entire limsa lominsa / admiral / kobold arc #they'll come back to it. in a bit. maybe. S'ria is kind of putting it off. #S'ria -- saying 'I know' and nothing else is maybe not a social W even if you said it nicely

[3am-starry-night-sky]

What we can take away from the Hidden Strifes event (2): Kaeya’s eyepatch or what’s under it.

The Hidden Strifes event gives us new info regarding Kaeya’s eye, yet we still have too many open ends.

First of all, let’s quickly gather what we got:

 we get confirmation, that Kaeya’s right eye is at least functional. And it’s heavily implied, that Kaeya’s eye was wounded in his conflict/fight with Diluc, and that while he was not blinded, he was left with a permanent scar. 

Now, I’ve seen some people take this info and assume that’s it. That Kaeya’s right eye must be otherwise normal and that there’s nothing special about it.

but I disagree.

Given how Hoyoverse is constantly mentioning and foreshadowing Kaeya’s eye.

His constellation is Pavo Ocellus (Peacocks eye(spot)/feather)

his namecard text in many translations directly states “Kaeya is not missing an eye, but rather...”

Kaeya talks about eye(s)...a lot (Diluc literally asks Kaeya to stop mentioning eyes). Some people even mention eye(s) when talking about him. 

Beidou and Fischel also have an eyepatch. But when you bug it and look under it, Kaeya’s eye is the only one that has not been textured.

It would be wasted potential to have all this foreshadowing and have it just be Kaeya pranking Diluc.

 So, I think there was and still is something odd about his right eye

Yeah, at first the line: "Hah! To think that all that play-acting as a one-eyed pirate would eventually end with one actual wounded eye." even fooled me.

But like Kaeya’s character story likes to say, it’s actually a carefully constructed lie. 

We have to remember, that with Kaeya we can’t take anything at face value. We have to look at the info more metaphorically. He tells half-lies, so to get which is which, you have to go a bit deeper.

Let’s go back to an earlier point in the game. What did Kaeya say in his story quest:

“As a matter of fact, my grandfather was a pirate!”

“Look at my eye patch! I inherited it from my grandfather and this is solid proof that we are related by blood!“

Damn, Kaeya must really love pirates!

(Side note: By “inherited eyepatch” kaeya might in fact be implying he inherited whatever is under his eyepatch. That would genuinely genetically make sense)

Putting together all the lines, I think the Hidden strifes note is referring to the line in Kaeya’s story quest, both of which are derived from perhaps the image and story Kaeya kept up in all the years growing up in Monstadt. That he wore an eyepatch because, he was a one-eyed kid with a pirate heritage.

Whether he passed it off as a silly habit of his or as a “truthful” story about himself. Kaeya has been described to be eccentric already before the death of Crepus, so It wouldn’t be far-fetched to say Kaeya made up an obscure reason for wearing an eyepatch and everybody just went with it.  

So essentially, by “play-pretending” Kaeya rather means deceiving.

Plus, there’s currently some canon art of younger kaeya wearing an eyepatch before his fight with Diluc.

(Though, we have to keep in mind that the Genshin manga is from 2018. They might have changed some story plans since then. Mistakes have been noted in the past, most prominently showing Kaeya having a vision before the fight)

So as said, unless the eyepatch is yet another mistake/change, I don’t believe Kaeya was just play-pretending a pirate while he was on knight duty and witnessing the death scene of Crepus.

So gathering all those points, I’d say Kaeya has been wearing an eyepatch at least since he came to Monstadt. Pre-fight he was wearing it just to hide his (most probably abnormal) right eye. When Kaeya confessed to Diluc, he exposed his right eye and in the fight, it ended up getting wounded. He probably continues to wear the eyepatch for the same reasons, there’s just a scar now too. 

If we keep this in mind it adds a new perspective to the letters: 

I don’t think kaeya meant to prank Diluc, as we initially thought.

As Kaeya writes, he wasn’t purposefully hiding his eye, to trick Diluc into thinking he was blinded. What probably happened was that Kaeya simply kept wearing his eyepatch after the fight. So, because Diluc couldn’t see it, he had, at first, no way of knowing the state of Kaeya’s eye, and just assumed the worst. 

(Side note: Even if Kaeya was not blinded, he could still have limited vision in his right eye. Because, medically speaking, from just wearing the eyepatch constantly for years, he has been weakening his right eye. And If in the fight his right eye was wounded enough to be left with a permanent scar, then it would probably have also wounded the eye itself. Idk eyes seem pretty fragile)

But that leave’s the question: Why was Kaeya wearing an eyepatch already back then? And if it’s to hide something, then: What is Kaeya hiding?

Unfortunately, all I have currently are just some headcanons, with most of them having an equal amount of proof. But I’ll lay out the ones I’ve heard: 

My personal favourites:

It’s cursed/corrupted

It’s a magical eye, with powers

But some others I’ve seen:

The eye or the area around the eye has special markings, which can be used as an identification. Overall the eye stands out (perhaps he has heterochromia). 

The eye is or can be used by others to observe/spy. 

(Feel free to add more possibilities, or expand on the above-mentioned ideas. I’m interested to hear your thoughts)

(I personally really like the idea of Kaeya’s eye having black/dark sclera and blue or golden iris, that might or might not glow in the dark, as a result of the corruption or the curse. Basically just something more abnormal than different coloured irises)

Lastly, I just need to point out, how symbolic Diluc injuring Kaeya’s hidden eye is. 

Kaeya’s right eye represents his secrets, being literally one of them, and his eyepatch is the lock behind which he hides them all. When confessing to Diluc, Kaeya exposed his secrets by revealing his right eye. After the fight, Kaeya keeps wearing the eyepatch, once again hiding everything, but now there’s one more secret to hide, the secret of what happened that night (also the scar which is a testimony of that night).

#genshin #kaeya #hidden strifes event #genshin spoilers #analysis #Kaeya's eye #waiting fo the day genshin reveals Kaeya's eye #just a gathering of most of my thoughts and theories #2 posts down #2 more to go #Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk

[queerprayers]

hi johanna❤️

can i ask you what is it that draws you to God? when i think of what i miss about being in a religious community, i think exactly of that: community, sharing, the comfort of having rituals (in my case, going to Mass every sunday), maybe the idea of death not really being scary too. but i never felt really strongly about God, and i can’t imagine living in a toxic or bigoted religious community (not saying it’s your experience! but i follow many people here on tumblr with that kind of baggage) and still thinking it’s so worth it to be part of that religion because you love God. that means having a really big love for Him and i’d love to understand this love because it sounds beautiful. what is it in your opinion/experience that draws people to God so strongly? is it something you simply feel in your heart? and where can i buy it jshajdhaa😭

This is such a fascinating question, beloved. I feel you. Here are some thoughts.

Community and rituals are so important, and I firmly believe everyone should have a way to access those, regardless of their religious faith or lack of it. Secular/interfaith communal support is essential to a healthy society, and rituals bring a rhythm to life that in a lot of ways capitalism has taken from us.

I am continually amazed at the strength it takes to push through bigotry and baggage to access religion for so many people, and sometimes I wonder if it's worth it myself. I think that's a personal judgment, and everyone has to make their decisions and sacrifices on their own—choosing how open to be about their identity, what diversities of opinion are welcome and manageable and which are harmful, how much they're willing to sacrifice to be part of a community that won't always agree and will never be perfect. I regularly see and enjoy being with homophobic family members, and I sacrifice some comfort and confidence to do so, because I've decided it's worth it. For many people it's not. I participate in organized religion even while disagreeing with and hating some parts of it. Many people abandon it for those reasons. It's up to us, and we have to let other people make decisions we could never make.

Everyone is drawn to God for such different reasons, but I think it often stems from the acceptance of our lack of knowledge and understanding, and our yearning for meaning and love. I've heard nonreligious people say things like "You only believe in God because you're trying to find meaning in a cruel universe" and like… maybe? Yeah, sometimes, actually. And? Is there something wrong with that? Are you enjoying your lack of meaning? I don't think that's all belief is, of course, but there's truth there.

I firmly believe every single person is drawn to God—it's just in such diverse ways and forms that most people don't recognize it. My grandfather talks about becoming an expert on one of the first electron microscopes in the US the same way he talks about faith—ritual, curiosity, thirst for knowledge, love for the universe. My mother practices the violin the same way she prays—daily, sometimes begrudgingly, sometimes distracted, always beautifully. My childhood best friend studies linguistics the same way I study the Bible—with awe and passion and so many blind spots that we'll never fill in. The ways we reach God are our own, but they all lead to the same place if we begin with love.

It's something we feel, but also what we think and do and gravitate toward and love. It always comes back to love, the greatest of these.

I don't know if you can understand my love for God, mostly because I don't either. It's not something you can learn, or buy, or force. It's inside you already—you were born with love. What you can be taught, learn, and get better at is the practice of love, recognizing how you are drawn to God, and how to unite those things.

Where do your passions lie? What things about the world matter to you? What do you enjoy learning about? How do you support those around you? What sacrifices do you make to live in community with others? What rituals bring rhythm to your life? Spend your life answering those, and you will have been drawn to God without even realizing it.

You're allowed to go to Mass even when you don't believe in the words or don't stay after to talk with people. You're allowed to miss something you'll never go back to. You're allowed to join in parts of religion but not others. You're allowed to believe some days and not others. You're allowed to not label yourself and never commit to any one system. You're allowed to worship God one day and hate Them the next. You're allowed to value the ritual of grocery shopping as much as the ritual of Communion.

Here's your permission, if you need it: go be a person. You'll never figure it all out. You won't find what I have—it's unique to me, for better and worse. But you'll find what you have.

God is with you already. You don't have to go anywhere or do anything. You may have to work to recognize and welcome Them, but They're already there.

<3 Johanna

#asks

[offtorivendell]

"She gave it back."

Like Feyre, was Elain passing "a test" when she returned Truth-Teller, and/or her necklace, to Azriel?

Please don't share or screenshot this post without credit.

Disclaimer: this is a potential parallel that I noticed, which makes no claims of accuracy - I get it, it's pretty fanciful and could absolutely qualify as a crack theory, or just be a complete coincidence on SJM's behalf. Thank you, as usual, to the brilliant @wingedblooms for discussing this with me. 💜

Spoilers: Crescent City and ACOTAR series to date.

While looking up the Mor and Feyre quote I mention below for a different theory, the wording I used to find it was "gave it back." And wouldn't you know, the only two uses of that phrase in the entirety of the ACOTAR - ACOFAS omnibus ebook seem fairly significant.

I know a lot of Elriel antis love to use the following examples of Elain returning what Azriel had given her as proof that they aren't destined for each other, because Elain kept the ring Graysen gave her during their ill-fated engagement (and she loved him back then), and she has, we assume, kept - but not used - the spelled gardening gloves and pearl earrings that Lucien gave her over the last two winter solstices (and, if their theory holds, she'll love him in the future, I suppose?), but I disagree, respectfully.

Not only would it have been extremely rude and presumptuous of Elain to keep Truth-Teller at all, given Azriel told her he wouldn't be using it "today" - ie. he'd need it again tomorrow - but Elain likely did not throw the knife back at Az¹ as a metaphor for her being unable to handle his darkness/profession, she gave it back to him as he passed it to her. Gently. As for her necklace, I think that - crack theories about magical testing aside, and assuming she returned it herself - it showed growth on her behalf to not keep the gift² of a man or male who hurt her (of course Azriel obviously didn't want to cause Elain any pain, unlike Graysen, though an apology is still clearly in order, whatever happens).

¹ This was originally pointed out by @ofduskcourts, if I'm remembering correctly.

² As an aside - and because I discussed this with @123moiaussi last year and still haven't posted about it 😅 - I do think that Elain keeping her pearl engagement ring could end up being for another reason altogether: it most likely went into the Cauldron with her, so I suspect it is also Made. Now, I don't blame her if she simply chose to keep the ring as some sort of emotional crutch after Graysen's brutal rejection of her, but also, it probably wouldn't be a great idea for a human to be in posession of a Made object... could he even have handled it? What powers, if any, does it have? Can she use it as a focus for her own magic? Did it compel her, or strengthen her feelings at the time, such that she kept it? So many questions!

But I digress; back to the theory, which, ships aside, I hope you'll consider.

Feyre Archeron and Amren

In ACOMAF, Amren gave Feyre a necklace, an amulet that would supposedly protect her/keep her free whilst visiting the Bone Carver in the Prison.

Amren was standing at the foot of my bed. I jolted back, slamming into the headboard, blinded by the morning light blazing in, fumbling for a weapon, anything to use— “No wonder you’re so thin if you vomit up your guts every night.” She sniffed, her lip curling. “You reek of it.” The bedroom door was shut. Rhys had said no one entered without his permission, but— She chucked something onto the bed. A little gold amulet of pearl and cloudy blue stone. “This got me out of the Prison. Wear it in, and they can never keep you.” I didn’t touch the amulet. “Allow me to make one thing clear,” Amren said, bracing both hands on the carved wooden footboard. “I do not give that amulet lightly. But you may borrow it, while you do what needs to be done, and return it to me when you are finished. If you keep it, I will find you, and the results won’t be pleasant. But it is yours to use in the Prison.” By the time my fingers brushed the cool metal and stone, she’d walked out the door. Rhys hadn’t been wrong about the firedrake comparison. - ACOMAF, chapter 18

I could do this; I could master this fear. Amren had gotten out. And stayed out. And the amulet—it’d keep me free, too. - ACOMAF, chapter 18

I didn’t want to think about it entirely, not yet—not with that letter now on its way to him, if not already delivered. So I reached for the small box on the vanity and pulled out her amulet. “Here.” I handed over the gold-and-jewel-encrusted thing. “Thank you.” Amren’s brows rose as I dropped it into her waiting palm. “You gave it back.” “I didn’t realize it was a test.” She set it back into the case. “Keep it. There’s no magic to it.” - ACOMAF, chapter 28

The key things to note:

Amren entered Feyre's room undetected, as a spy might.

The necklace was specifically called an amulet, that would prevent anyone from keeping her.

Feyre could use it to do what needed to be done, then return it.

Feyre questioned whether her returning the amulet to Amren was a test.

Amren said there was really no magic in it.

Amren told her to keep it.

Now, let's see how these passages stack up against those specific to Elain.

Elain Archeron and Azriel

Elain gave Truth-Teller back to Azriel after the battle in ACOWAR, when she used it to end the King of Hybern, and save Nesta and Cassian.

“You honestly think he’d ever give up Truth-Teller?” “He gave it to Elain,” Mor said, admiring a moonstone necklace in the counter’s glass case. “She gave it back,” I amended, failing to block out the image of the black blade piercing through the King of Hybern’s throat. But Elain had given it back—had pressed it into Azriel’s hands after the battle, just as he had pressed it into hers before. And then walked away without looking back. Mor hummed to herself. - ACOFAS, chapter 4

Elain gave her necklace back to Azriel after their disastrous winter solstice interaction in ACOSF.

Azriel winnowed into shadows before she could say anything, appearing at the doors to Rhys's study a heartbeat later. His shadows whispered in his ear that Elain had gone upstairs.

Rhys growled, "Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her." "You can't order me to do that."

He slept as well as could be expected, but when Azriel returned to the river house to gather his presents before dawn, he found Elain's necklace amid the pile. He pocketed it. Spent the rest of his day, even the blasted snowball fight, with every intention of returning it to the shop in the Palace of Thread and Jewels. But when he returned from the cabin in the mountains, he didn't go to the market square. Instead, he found himself at the library beneath the House of Wind, standing before Clotho as the clock chimed seven in the evening. - ACOSF, Azriel's Bonus Chapter

With Truth-Teller in hand, Elain sneaked up on the King of Hybern, undetected, and stabbed him through the neck. Nesta also noted her stealth-like behaviour in ACOSF, and wondered if she had been taking lessons from Nuala and Cerridwen, her two spy friends.

Azriel specifically described Elain's necklace as a sort of amulet. As I theorised last year, could it (now?) have some sort of protective power?

Elain used Truth-Teller to do what needed to be done, and then she returned it, as Azriel gave it to her.

There are still three parallels left that are yet to be answered; the test, the magic, and her keeping it.

Were Truth-Teller, or her necklace, tests of a sort?

A test could either be considered one of skill or worthiness. When she returned her necklace or Truth-Teller, was Elain herself testing one of her powers, or was she being tested by someone else, in terms of her moral fortitude or magical abilities, for an event in the future?

Elain handing Truth-Teller back to Azriel, after doing what needed to be done - might I add, very successfully - could be read as her passing a test of skill (stealth, accuracy of aim, possibly even her Sight if that was involved, and maybe activating Truth-Teller's ingrained magic). And because it would have been rude of her to keep Azriel's dagger forever when she was only given it for the day - or because she was able to give back a powerful, Made blade - this could maybe be considered a test of worthiness, too.

Azriel finding himself standing before Clotho, especially after the snowball fight, almost paralleled Gwyn finishing the Blood Rite qualifier, except instead of asking for a prize, he was giving up an object that meant a lot to him... but what if he was not the one being tested? Although, who knows, maybe he was being tested for his ability to give up a magical necklace?

@wingedblooms and I have both suggested that Elain could work with Clotho and the priestesses at some point, but what if she has already started to do so? Could she have told Clotho about what happened, or realised that she had possibly Made or imbued the necklace with her magic (at which time it was probably best to keep it out of the jewellery shop and the hands of the general public), and Clotho then instructed her to have the necklace compel Az to bring him and it to the library, where he "found" himself at 7pm? I'll admit, compelling someone isn't the nicest thing to do, so I hope it wasn't active on Elain's behalf, unless she hadn't left the necklace on Azriel's pile of gifts herself (perhaps Koschei has shadow moles in Velaris). That being said, they're about to enter another period fraught with dangerous enemies, and if we don't judge Rhys for using his daemati powers on enemies, or even Feyre (when he made her think they were at the lingerie shop), then we should extend the same grace to Elain, or anyone else.

Alternatively, if Elain's necklace is now Made, as I suspect her engagement ring is also, does it have a mind of its own and so orchestrated the return by itself? Did Elain realise this somehow, perhaps because she was its Maker and they share a link, and subsequently tell Clotho what happened, and that she needed to intercept it? Given Clotho found the songs that (I assume) helped to weave a spell that lured Nesta into scrying for the Harp, perhaps she gave another spelled song to the priestesses that night, in order to call to Azriel?

A crack theory based on @wingedblooms shapeshifting post: during Azriel's ACOSF bonus chapter, Clotho and Elain could both read him without words. What if it was not Clotho who met with Azriel - as she presided over the dusk service that Nesta watched, rather than sitting at her desk - but Elain as Clotho instead? Was Elain testing her (hypothetical) ability to glamour or physically change her appearance to keep a potentially powerful object safe? And if she has been working with Clotho for a time, was she a part of this plan, too?

Was there magic involved at any time?

Amren said there was no magic in the amulet she'd given Feyre, that it was all a story she'd concocted to give Feyre the confidence to overcome her fear and enter the depths of the Prison mountain, which we assume is the truth... but what if this isn't the case for Elain?

While some of us suspected that Truth-Teller was Made before CC HOSAB was published, it is now canon that the Starsword used by Bryce and Ruhn is, in fact, Gwydion, a Made blade from Prythian, and that Truth-Teller is its paired dagger. Alpha and Omega, light and dark (light). Because of this, and all of the hints written into the ACOWAR scene when Azriel armed Elain during the final battle, not to mention Elain stepping out of a shadow, I think it's absolutely plausible to consider that there was magic at play.

Elain's necklace could have come pre-spelled - Azriel didn't think it during his inner monologue, true, but I wouldn't put it past any of the bat bros to boost the protection of a loved one - or perhaps it had no magic when Azriel gifted it to her, but Elain Made it, or imbued it with magic some other way, while it was in her posession?

Will Truth-Teller and/or the necklace eventually be returned to Elain?

The above passage from ACOFAS could plausibly be read as suggesting that Azriel will give Truth-Teller to Elain once more. Given the likelihood of it either providing some sort of magical link between the two of them, or Elain being able to activate its inherent abilities, this isn't, in my opinion, too far fetched.

As I mentioned above, if Elain was conducting some sort of test with her necklace, could Clotho know that it was intended for her and is holding onto it/gave it back to Azriel? Or, if the wilder option is true, and Azriel met with Elain as Clotho, rather than Clotho herself, could Elain already have it back, or have returned it to Azriel once more?

Nesta Archeron and "someone else"

As a bonus, Nesta also "gave it [her Death magic] back" in ACOSF, to save Feyre, Nyx and Rhys.

So Cassian asked, “Is your magic … The power’s really gone?” The brisk spring wind whipped her golden-brown hair across her face. “I gave it back to the Cauldron in exchange for the knowledge of how to save them.” She swallowed. “But a little remains. I think something else—someone else—stopped the Cauldron from taking all of it. And I made some changes of my own.” - ACOSF, chapter 78

Was this also a test of worthiness, and because she passed - though I'm not suggesting she could have failed - by bargaining with the Cauldron to give back the magic she stole in return for Feyre, Nyx and Rhys' lives, she was permitted to keep some magic? What was the magic that this "someone else" kept back from the Cauldron? Could it be Starborn power - light - that was always hidden underneath the death magic she loathed?

As with everything I just discussed, I can't wait to find out!

#elain archeron #elain archeron theory #elain's powers #she gave it back #pro elain #pro elain archeron #acotar theory #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #nesta archeron #feyre archeron #hosab spoilers #elain's necklace #elain's ring

[aquadestinyswriting]

You're Not Alone

Summary: An incident involving a burnt tablecloth forces Llachlan to find somewhere to hide so he can wait out the trouble he's got himself into. A voice from the ether calls out to him in comfort.

Words: 764

Tags: @druidx @homesteadchronicles @flashfictionfridayofficial @asher-orion-writes,@warriorbookworm, @odysseywritings

Warnings: Possibly implied emotional neglect.

Notes: this one is set about 480 years post campaign and way after the other stuff I've written for the Titan Fighting Fantasy setting. I'll do a post about the current ttrpg campaign stuff at some point, this is set before that. Llachlan is around 30 years old here, so roughly equivalent to 14-15 years in human terms.

Uncontrollable. Rebellious. Wilful. Disobedient.

The black-haired beardling stumbled as he ran, tripping over his feet, blinded by tears. He'd known he was different from the rest of his family for years. They all had some connection or other to the Divine. He did not. He didn't know why. He'd been hoping for some sign or other for the last year or so. Something to tell him what the hells was wrong with him. Well, he'd gotten one.

Corrupted. Tainted. Defiled. A stain on the honour of his family and clan.

The young dwarf scurried around a corner, ignoring the shouts of the folk following him. 

"Llachlan, wait!"

"We just want to talk!"

Llachlan shook his head. No they didn't. Not when everyone in the mountain knew what he was. The beardling picked up his pace, finally hearing the voices behind him fade away as they gave up their pursuit. The lanky young man ran another few yards before finally finding a dark, damp corner and collapsing to his knees. 

Corrupted. Tainted. Disowned by the Gods.

Llachlan Bloodvein, the youngest son of the Archlector herself, hiccoughed out a sob, slamming his hands onto the cold, wet stone floor. He leant back on his heels, pulling out the small, mythril hammer he wore around his neck and glaring at it,

"Why? Why have ye Cursed me so? What have I done to deserve this?" He pleaded, trying to find any connection to the God his family so revered. 

There was no answer.

Snarling, Llachlan tore the chain away from his neck and threw the necklace into the gloom, shuffled so he was sitting with his back to the wall and pulled his knees to his chest with another angry sob.

~Poor wee lamb. Disgusted and reviled by all because of a gift they dinna understand.~ a feminine voice cooed. Llachlan's head jerked up, grey-blue eyes narrowing as he tried to find it's source,

"Who- who's there!" He demanded, revulsed by the feeling of the pull of magic around him. He felt a presence settle somewhere nearby, though he couldn't see anything that could cause it.

~A friend.~ the voice replied, ~I saw what happened and think it's a right shame that yer family reacted the way they did. Then again, they've never really liked you have they?~

Llachlan scowled in the vague direction the voice had come from,

"And how would you know?" He growled, "How long have you been following me?" The voice shifted direction, as though walking around the beardling,

~I've been watching over you for some time, Llachlan.~ it said, ~We have a lot in common.~ Llachlan turned his head this way and that, still unable to see who was talking to him,

"How come?" He asked warily. He knew that it was probably a bad sign that he was hearing voices from invisible presences, but something about whoever this was, was comforting to him. The voice sighed wearily,

~We're both too different for anyone else to truly understand.~ the voice said, ~Reviled by those that are otherwise our kin simply for having gifts they cannot hope to understand or control.~ Llachlan tensed at the words; a small part of him wanted to disagree, to tell whatever this voice belonged to that he was loved and supported. And yet…

~I've seen the way your parents look at you, Llachlan. The truth is; your parents despise you. All because you're a reminder of someone they want to erase from history. Someone they hate so much, they'd rather forget her existence than acknowledge the truth.~ Llachlan felt anger flare within him, blindly throwing the magic he'd gathered in the direction the voice had come from,

"You lie!" He snarled. He didn't want to believe the words. Didn't want to believe that his existence caused his parents such grief. And yet…

Llachlan recalled all the times his father had looked at him with fearful eyes when he had exploded with anger. The way his mother sometimes hesitated to comfort him when he'd looked to her in desperation after everything had become too much to deal with. The pity in their eyes with every failed attempt to connect to the Gods they so dearly revered. The sheer horror when he'd slammed his hands on the table, fire erupting from his palms and setting the tablecloth on fire. Llachlan hung his head, fresh tears stinging his eyes.

He felt the presence around him, wrapping itself over his shoulders, as though hugging him,

~Don't worry, pet.~ the voice cooed, ~As long as I'm here, ye'll never be alone again.~ 

#writing #aquadestinyswriting #emotional neglect tw #llachlan bloodvein #flash fiction friday

[destinyc1020]

I’ve seen some weird takes here on tumblr but mostly on twitter of people trying to I guess erase Z’s blackness as like a weapon to hate on her if that makes sense? Or maybe a better way to phrase it is comparing her to her white counterparts as if they’re exactly the same in order to diminish her success. I’m more than aware that Z has had an extreme amount of privilege being not only mixed but also light skin but I think it’s weird that people are trying to act like her blackness doesn’t exist and that the obstacles she’s faced because of it simply don’t exist for her either. Or even that the only reason she’s been able to get to certain places is because of her privilege. I don’t know, I’m very proud of her and all that she’s achieved so it’s annoying to see people try to play it down.

I know you might not see this since you’re doing summer school but I hope it’s going well for you!!

Wow... Yet another reason why I avoid Twitter like the plague.... 🙄

Anyway...

I always feel like a lot of mixed-race/biracial individuals are sometimes in like this really weird conundrum. Some in society don't find them "black"/"Asian"/"Latin"/ etc ENOUGH, and then others feel they're TOO black, TOO brown or whatever. 🙄 So a lot of times some of them don't feel like they really belong or "fit in" anywhere. 😔 I imagine that sometimes it must feel confusing for some.

That's why, I feel like it's VERY important for both parents (if they are in an interracial rlshp) to instill in their kids a SOLID sense of identity, and drill into them that even if society sees them as more of one race than the other, the TRUTH is, they are BIRACIAL. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Teach them about BOTH sides of their culture.

Teach them that they are loved by you as parents REGARDLESS.

Encourage them to have loving, diverse friends that they can learn from and get positivity from (ALL parents should be doing this with anyway imo).

With Zendaya, one thing I've always liked about her is that she knows how society views her, and she is definitely very well aware of her light skin and biracial privilege in the industry.

I know some may disagree, but I'm of the mindset that Zendaya is biracial. To me that's just what she is. 🤷🏾‍♀️It's not a slight to her black side at all imo. She identifies as "black" though, and most probably view her that way in society, so I'm not going to take that away from her. But she is biracial. She's not monoracial black. Her parents are of two different races. But even with her fair skin, she is still racially discriminated against (just like Meghan Markle) and I have heard of some of the experiences she's had to undergo due to her race and color in the industry. 😩

The thing about Z though is that she's not blind to the fact that she is viewed differently in the industry compared to her white counterparts, and even her fully black counterparts.

But she also uses her privilege to uplift other black artists, photographers, stylists, and other black creatives in her work life.

She walks the walk, and talks the talk. 👍🏾

[m6trot]

"Listening is learning. Because when you listen silently, the whole existence starts speaking with you."

~Osho

"You don't know the distinction between hearing and listening.

Anybody who has ears can hear, but it is not necessary that he will be able to listen. For listening, something more is necessary than just having ears: a certain kind of silence, a serenity, a peace - the heart standing behind the ears, not the mind.

It is the mind which makes you almost deaf, although you are not deaf - because the mind is constantly chattering, it is a chatterbox."

"Because of this constant mind, making noise... although you are not deaf, you cannot listen. You can hear. Listening needs a silent communication."

"When you simply hear, if one hundred persons are here there are going to be one hundred versions, because the mind immediately starts interpreting - what does it mean? The mind is blind. It cannot see, it can only grope in the dark. Groping in the dark is called 'thinking'. One hundred people sitting here will have heard one hundred meanings."

"When you are only hearing, your mind is standing there scrutinizing, screening.... Now it is an established psychological fact that the mind only allows a certain percentage of information to reach you, there is a censor. And the mind has created very clever ways to censor things: it allows that which fits with your conditioning, and it simply does not allow that which goes against your conditioning. It makes you hear that which fits with you; it lets anything that is not fitting with your conditioning slip by, it does not pay attention to it. It does not take it in."

"Mind has no eyes; it simply lives in a dark hole - groping, inventing, believing, but never coming to know anything."

"The truth happens when you are in the mood of right-listening. It has nothing to do with the object of listening. It has everything to do with the quality of listening."

"To listen, you will have to drop your thinking. With thoughts, listening is not possible. If you were speaking inside and I am speaking here, how can you listen to me? Because you are closer to yourself than me, your thoughts will be closer to you, they will make a ring around you, and then will not allow my thoughts to enter. They will only allow those thoughts which are in tune with them, they will choose and select. They will not allow anything that is strange, unfamiliar, unknown. Then it is not worth listening because you are simply listening to your own thoughts."

"Listening is used as a device to drop thoughts."

"The art of listening is based on silence in the mind, so that the mind does not interfere, it simply allows whatever is coming to you. I am not saying you have to agree with it. Listening does not mean that you have to agree with it, neither does it mean that you have to disagree with it. The art of listening is just pure listening, factual, undistorted."

"When I say “listen,” I mean be relaxed, open; become a sponge. Soak it up. Let it sink into you."

"Experiment with listening silently to the songs of the birds and the wind, to the cacophony of all kinds of sounds around you. Listen to it very silently. Give attention to only one thing, ”I am listening. I am listening totally to whatever is happening. I am not doing anything else, just listening, totally listening.”

"I am stressing listening because as you listen totally, the continuous movement of thoughts within you will become absolutely silent — because both of these things cannot happen simultaneously. So put your total effort into listening. This is a positive effort. If you try to throw out the thoughts then the mistake which I just told you about will start happening.

It is a negative effort. Thoughts cannot be thrown out by making an effort to get rid of them, but if the energy of the mind, which usually goes into thinking, starts flowing into some other stream, then thoughts automatically become weak.

Thoughts get their life from our attention. Thoughts have no life of their own. The more attention we give to a thought, the more alive it becomes. The more we remove our attention, the more dead it becomes. If attention is totally removed, then thoughts become lifeless, they die, they disappear immediately.

That is why I am saying that you should give all your attention to listening. Decide absolutely that even the smallest voice of a bird should not go unheard, should not be missed. You should hear everything, whatever is happening all around — you should hear it all. Then you will suddenly find that the mind is entering into a deep silence, the thoughts are fading away."

"There comes a moment when the listener disappears. First your thoughts dissapear, then your thinker dissapears because the thinker cannot exist without thoughts. When thoughts are no longer there, suddenly the thinker evaporates."

"Let all the attention be on listening. Be just listening, doing nothing else.

Listen… the birds are singing, the winds are shaking the trees – whatever sounds may come, listen to them silently.

Listen… and by and by, within you, a humming of silence will begin."

"Once you start listening, the whole of existence starts speaking to you."

~a collection of quotes from 'Osho'

(Art by 'Anders Rokkem')