#it will make all your issues WORTH and DESTROY THAT RELATIONSHIP unless you work on it a lot and are incredibly self aware | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thekatebridgerton · 3 years

Note

Is it bad that I don't want Sophie Beckett to be a POC? It's because putting a POC in a Cinderella story (which Sophie and Benedict's story is), opens up to the dangerous white savior trope with the rich white man saving the oppressed POC working woman. I cannot think of any way to carefully handle that and still stay loyal to the books. But that doesn't mean Sophie has to be an english actress. If the show makes Sophie Irish, the show can still address the same issues about working women in Regency England with added historical accuracy - as we all know the British were beyond horrid d*cks to the Irish for centuries. And that's an understatement.

I’d like to point out that Nicola Coughlan is Irish. And that I do love the implication of the Featheringtons might Irish roots. Hopefully her Irish heritage will get brought up in the show next season. Your question does makes me wonder how well Nicola would have played Sophie if she’d been casted opposite Luke Thompson tho.

Now put on your seatbelt anon you're about to hear a rant.

First of all let's get this out of the way, I am in no way opposed to seeing a black Cinderella on Bridgerton. One of the best Cinderella's in cinematic history was a black woman, which was Brandi in Roger and Hammerstein's. And Brandi's Cinderella is so great, beautiful, flawless in the way she played it that surpassing her has been the challenge of every Cinderella that came after including Lily James.

If someone like Brandi played Sophie, Bridgerton would rise so high, because there's something about a black woman not putting up with oppression any longer and quite literally giving Benedict the dressing down he deserves, that would be so cathartic for me. You wouldn't even notice the white savior trope because she would kick it out of the way with the force of her performance. The way the actress plays the role has a lot of power into how the character is perceived. Take Gugu Mbatha-Raw in any role ever. Most notably in 'Belle'. when she's on screen, the depth she gives to her performance makes white people look like they're not even trying.

If Bridgerton did cast a black actress as Sophie, unless the actress was anything short of spectacular, her performance would be compared to Brandi. Because Brandi set the standard for POC Cinderella scenes.

Now let's leave aside that Benedict is a classist duck to Sophie for a moment. And focus on the fact that Sophie Beckett has arguably the most tragic backstory out of the four Bridgerton wives. Kate, Penelope and Lucy at least had families who gave a thought to their happiness. Sophie didn’t. Her backstory is going to hurt regardless of who plays the role, it’s literally written that way.

Which brings us to my rant, if you examine the amount of times the Cinderella trope has been used in a movie or tv and cross reference that with the amount of times a non-white actress played the role, you start to see a disturbing trend. Which is this: when not performed by a white actress, Cinderella is performed by an actress of South American/Latino descent. Most recently Selena Gomez, Sofia Carson and Camilla Cabello. And Dania Ramirez in that season of OUAT I didn’t watch.

As a Latina myself if you think the slavery implication in the white savior trope is bad when Cinderella is played by a black actress then it's just as bad when it's performed by a Latina. People don't talk about it that much because Latina skin can pass for white under a certain tan booth light. But make no mistake, the implication is there.

Hot take: Actresses with South American/Latino heritage, aren't all born to play the role of maids or any other type of oppressed citizens. Despite what Jlo made Hollywood think in Maid in Manhattan. In fact neither are black women. Bridgerton at least got that right when they cast a POC as Queen Charlotte.

If you cross reference the amount of times Cinderella has been played by a black woman in movie/tv and you get 1, which is Brandi, the Cinderella who set the bar really high. 2 if you decide to count Rags where Keke Palmer plays the prince (which I don’t count) but it’s worth mentioning.

Rant ended back to Sophie and Benedict.

Now, with the exception of the casting of Daphne, ( which I think could have gone better, because Phoebe’s performance was lackluster compared to costars like Nicola Coughlan, Ruby Barker and Sabrina Bartlett) Bridgerton casting has always been really successful. I personally love who they picked as Kate and Edwina. From what I can see in the recent clips, Simone Ashley can give a lot of depth and nuance to Kate.

I hope that they do the same for the casting of Sophie and bring in an actress who can portray Sophie as someone who refuses to be the victim and has never lost hope. Which is the beauty of Sophie’s character. Personally I’ve never seen an Asian Cinderella in western tv, if they cast an actress with Asian, Pacific or Caribbean heritage, they would actually BE breaking ground and doing something that hasn’t been done before. Even another Desi actress would do well in that role.

I’m the first to raise my hand in favor of more Asian representation in Bridgerton because we didn’t get any in S1 and for a show that’s supposedly so diverse that kinda bummed me out. And it would also have less racist connotations because at that historical point in time, the British (in my limited understanding) had a less oppressive relationship with Asians. At least compared to other cultures that they were actively suppressing, enslaving or destroying.

I still trust that Sophie’s actress will be spectacular, and hopefully she might make me feel something beyond boredom towards Benedict and redeem him in my eyes. Because out of all the Bridgertons I care about his manpain the least in An Offer From A Gentleman. And I still cared about his manpain the least in Bridgerton S1 (regardless of how well Luke Thompson played the character.).

Ps: pardon if I used racial terms that offended anyone here. In my culture calling a person Black, White or Latina, isn’t seen as an insult. So if any of you got offended, it was completely unintentional.

#sophie beckett #benedict bridgerton #An Offer From A Gentleman #bridgerton diversity!#but done right #this needs to be said

52 notes · View notes

hageny · 3 years

Text

Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman

1. Like a normo.

While on the phone with Gerri in Safe Room, Roman tells her he’s going to stick it out in training and “...become a real boy...” and “...have phone sex with my girlfriend like a normo.”. This last bit is interesting because it is a foreshadowing of what happens later in the episode, where Roman calls Tabitha and attempts to talk dirty with her on the phone and ultimately realizes he is unable to connect with her sexually in anyway, which culminates in him simply hanging up on her and realizing the effort was futile. Immediately afterward, he calls Gerri and begins sparring with her and ultimately pleasures himself while she is on the phone with him. Did the earlier mention of “phone sex” only serve to hint at what was to come, or could this be taken apart as well? Firstly, one could consider that Roman mentions being capable of having phone sex with a girlfriend--which would tie into his enjoyment of “wrong” sex--and sees this as something pleasurable, to be enjoyed with the right woman. Tabitha obviously is not that woman, and as mentioned in my previous post, is seen by Roman as nothing more than an object, something he does not connect to. Secondly, one can deduce that Roman and Gerri are already slated to become lovers later in the series, and this season hints heavily at this happening. Roman mentions the ability to have phone sex with a girlfriend, and then does so with Gerri with ease while she happily engages him. As much as Gerri is molding Roman into the man she needs him to be so they can secure their positions at Waystar, Roman is also molding Gerri into the woman he desires. He pushes and prods her and takes her into darker, sexually charged territory to see if she can fulfill his needs. Is Gerri only going along with this to screw Roman later once she achieves her ends, or does she too desire him equally? I hope the latter is true.

2. True essences.

While at the retreat in Argestes, Roman visits Gerri’s room late at night and they discuss their union and how assisting each other will ultimately help them both obtain what they want. Roman refers to them as “Rockstar and Mole Woman”, then quickly dismisses this personification of themselves as being, “our public profiles, not our true essences”. This is interesting because it suggests that this idea of ‘public self and private self’ is part of the core of their relationship. Roman and Gerri both project a facade to those around them: Roman as the womanizing playboy uninterested in power, and Gerri as the indifferent lackey willing to go along with whatever transpires around her. Secretly, however, Roman becomes increasingly interested in obtaining power, and Gerri slowly reveals her discomfort with simply going along with Logan’s ideas. The ease with which Roman both constructs an identity for them and then tears it apart suggests that Roman knows full well that they are playing a game with those around them and that within their relationship there exists a truth of who they individually are that is not seen by others. As the ancient Japanese proverb says:

“The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone.”

How honest will Gerri and Roman ultimately become with one another?

3. CEO & Chair.

Another point of interest is what Roman mentions to Gerri while discussing the idea of a takeover headed by the two of them. He mentions to her that she would be the executive chair and he the CEO, then quickly reverses the scenario placing her in the position of CEO and himself in the position of chair. This is interesting because of how easily Roman is willing to relinquish power to her and play with the idea of himself as CEO or chair and is seemingly fine with both. This serves to highlight that Roman’s need for Gerri on the surface is solely business related, but in reality his interest in her is deep enough that he is willing to accept whichever position she does not want because his ultimate desire is to keep her close to him. What Gerri thinks about all this is hard to say, but it is worth pointing out that she is the one who pushed him to go into management training, and last season went to him immediately after the disastrous shuttle launch, which she knew could potentially have gotten him into serious legal trouble. This is different from how she approaches Tom in Sad Sack Wasp Trap about the issue with the cruises when she realizes he wants to publicly own up to their deceptive practices. She relates the story of the Sin Cake Eater and essentially tells him to “eat the sins” of the corpse and be content with the riches that come along with sin. Later, she passes Greg and tells him “Good kid. Smart move. Keep talking.”, highlighting her ability to manipulate both of them into doing what she wants. This essentially highlights Gerri’s tenacity and willingness to discard those she views as disinteresting to her. It hints at a darker aspect to her character, which equals Roman’s feelings of disgust toward his own family. This loops back around to the CEO and chair mention because it serves to showcase that like those positions in a company, Roman and Gerri operate in tandem with one another and their need for one another is equal.

4. Cellphones at dinner.

I should preface this next analyses by saying that I could be wrong in what I’ve perceived but I’ll mention it anyway in the hopes of sparking some discussion in the comments.

During the dinner in Hunting, Logan demands that all the members of the dinner party place their cellphones on the table in hopes of sussing out who ruined his move to take over PGM. As they are placing their phones on the table, Gerri uncharacteristically challenges Logan, questioning whether such a demand is even legal and why it’s necessary. The fact that this angers her is interesting, because, as we see later on in the season, Gerri and Roman spend quite a bit of time on the phone together. Gerri has nothing else to hide, presumably, so can we deduce that her nervousness is related to her relationship with Roman? Were anyone to look at her phone, it may be difficult for her to explain the frequent contact with him while her contact with the other members of the Roy family is almost always in person in the office. While most of their talks are shown post-Hunting, this could indicate that what we see later on is simply a continuation of something that has been going on for longer than the audience is aware of. This could explain their intimate scene the next morning as she buttons his shirt, and could also relate to their working the proxy deal in Vaulter together. While the audience doesn’t see what all went on during that time, we can assume that their increasing intimacy in later episodes suggests that something inappropriate was happening already.

The screenshot above is crucial, because it contains a detail that I may have misinterpreted, but will touch on now. While the others relinquish their cellphones, we see Roman slide a cellphone off the table to his left and hide it in his lap while he hands over the one located in his back pocket. Logan insists on both company and personal phones, meaning all the characters have two. Roman’s of course is later taken from him by Kendall, and this is where it is revealed that Roman was talking to Naomi Pierce and unintentionally destroyed his father’s business deal. However, which phone did Kendall take from Roman? The one he is filming the boar on the floor game with is a silver phone, the one he is usually seen with in the show, most likely his company phone. Roman hides his (probable) personal phone. If wishing to keep it concealed, it would stand to reason that the phone he used to film the game--which Kendall ultimately snatched from him--is the one he placed on the table, which is where all the phones were left anyway. So is it possible that Roman was more willing to get in trouble for his dealings with Naomi Pierce than relinquish his personal cellphone, which could’ve contained damning evidence of his relationship with Gerri? It’s worth noting that of all the characters at the table, only the two of them protest handing over their phones. If the scene the next morning is any indicator, the intimacy between them was already growing to a point that would make it hard to explain to anyone around them. Gerri was also the only one to slip away from the breakfast room to check on Roman, who once again was forgotten by his family, his absence likely unnoticed by them in the first place. Being unnoticed by those around them is another point of similarity; both Roman and Gerri aren’t referred to or called on unless needed by the others to fulfill their subservient positions, then ultimately discarded until they are needed again. Both of them are underappreciated, underestimated, and presumably bitter. Is what we see all there is to their relationship, or is the truth in the details, hidden in the stitching of the clothing that is the show? As I stated earlier, I could always be wrong.

Thank you to all who have commented and engaged with my posts so far. I hope that I will have material enough to continue to do these, although presumably I’ll run out at some point. Regardless, it’s a pleasure so far.

#gerri/roman #gerri x roman #gerri kellman #roman roy #succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #succession thoughts

86 notes · View notes

allthingsjeresa · 3 years

Text

So I don’t have AO3 account and apparently you have to get invited to have an account. Fun fact I didn’t know. I’m currently stuck in a week long queue but I wrote a Jeresa fic and wanted to post it somewhere so here goes nothing… this is a rewrite of the ending of 5x04. An additional scene if you will. The songs that got me through this chapter (majority of season 5 actually are Love The Lonely Out Of You by Brothers Osborne and Terrible Love By The National. I encourage you to take a listen- they are as heartbreaking as they sound!

When James made it back to the safe house that night, mission completed and his body count one soul heavier, there was a thick air of coldness as he reported to Teresa.

Cop killed. Check. Thumb print left on the ledger. Check. Feds made it to the scene first. Check.

He was nothing if not thorough at his job and they both knew he didn’t need to specify that any of these things had been handled. A simple “we’re good” would’ve sufficed. Yet there he was making a point to specify with Teresa, only because it felt like he’d been put into a time machine.

All of a sudden he was back in Dallas, climbing up the ranks and filling in precise updates to a certain jefa. One who donned red lipstick and killer heels instead of white clothes and curly hair. It was too close to home, what Teresa expected of him and the mission he had just worked. When he’d done important jobs in the past, Camila always wanted to know everything down to the last detail.

So there he stood across the room, delivering the news to his newest “jefa” like the compliant and meticulous cartel lieutenant he was. Because one thing about James- he learned from his mistakes. And when it came to Teresa, he had a bad habit of mistaking things for what they actually were. You could say his very wrong perception of their relationship was how he ended up in a small pantry for hours that night, clutching onto hope that she would shoot him a text and backtrack. She never did.

Well, his vision was clearer than ever now and he would not make the mistake of confusing anything again. The unfortunate truth is that for the majority of his adult life, James had been a lethal killing machine. He had never told anyone before, not even when he was newly enlisted, just how much it terrified him. It was one thing to be good at killing but what if that was your only purpose in life? That was what kept James up late at night. He never seemed to fit in anywhere unless it meant he had his finger on a trigger or a clip of rounds in his pocket. Wherever he went, it felt like that’s all anyone saw for some time- who he could kill for them. Eventually, it became his identity. It was more of a curse really. At one point, possibly right after working for Camila, James learned to accept this.

Then from out of no where, Teresa Mendoza was brought to the warehouse one sunny hot day in Dallas and the wiring of his brain slowly unraveled. It’s true what people say about your world getting flipped upside down when you least expect it. He never expected Teresa.

You’re a good person, James.

We can do things a different way.

You don’t have to hide from me.

We’re in this together.

Everyone deserves that.

For the first time in years he thought maybe… just maybe he could find a new purpose. One with Teresa. Back in Phoenix, when they defeated la comission together he finally felt like he belonged. For the first time in a long while, he fit in somewhere. And that’s how Teresa and her team became his people.

Then what happened right after in Bolivia… well, it happened. The outcome of it shattered him and he never really explained to her why. He didn’t belong again. She’d thought him capable of the unthinkable. He was only good for deceit and murder in her eyes. His self-worth was back to square one. It was hard for James to get over it but he did. He would’ve stayed by her side if not for Devon. That’s how malleable he was when it came to Teresa. Naturally the minute he was free from Devon, he high-tailed it to New Orleans. No matter what happened between them, he would protect Teresa like always. He thought he’d warn her of the impending danger and if things went well, then maybe they could have a clean slate. Work things out. Run the business the way they always wanted to. Purpose. That was how James ended up in Louisiana with a heart full of hope and bullet in his gut.

But what no one tells you about hope- it hurts as much as heartbreak once it’s gone. James would know.

He was simply a soldier, like always. A living weapon to further her reign and nothing more. Her comment about the CIA earlier that day had only cemented it. And boy, had it hurt. It hurt because he thought maybe, after everything he was worth more to her. Because she was Teresa Mendoza and she wasn’t like anyone he’d encountered before. She didn’t see people around her as tools or collateral damage that either served or threatened her power. She didn’t see James the way everyone else in his life had. Or so he thought. James was starting to find out that perhaps he knew nothing at all. He didn’t know much about what had happened between that time he was gone, and the only person he wanted to ask had just made it clear what he was good for.

Don’t question me. She didn’t have to say it but he heard it loud and clear. So with those boundaries reinforced, he made himself a promise to keep the hierarchy between him and Teresa strictly maintained. That meant no personal questions or conversations. He would only do as he was told. He would treat her as the superior she was.

Maybe it didn’t have to be an issue- what he meant to Teresa. Maybe he could try and compartmentalize things. After all, he’d been a weapon most of his life for people and organizations much lesser than her. The United States government, Camila… Devon. Granted the last was not by choice, but still. It was nothing new. He didn’t have to take it so personally. He could do it.

And he would. How could he not? This was Teresa after all. He’d assume his well accustomed position of diligent death-dealer while knowing that he might be worth nothing more than a loaded gun in her hand… knowing that he felt the way he did about her and that there wasn’t much he could do about it. He was bound to Teresa whether he liked it or not. One thing about James- he was good at eventually accepting things for what they were. With that rooted in his head, James didn’t dare look back as he made his way to his room, carrying the weight of the last year and now that day on his shoulders.

****

While James did his best to establish a new mindset, Teresa was struggling. He walked away from her and suddenly she was on the verge of tears. Again.

Wait.

She had wanted to cry out, beg him not to leave and try her best to explain. Instead she let him walk away because what she’d done was unjustifiable. It was a new low for her, reassuring him with promises of helping those boys after she’d ordered him to kill. Especially because it wasn’t true. Not really. She knew killing that cop wasn’t so much about helping anyone as much as it was about protecting her business. Maybe it was best they didn’t talk too much. All she ever did lately was lie to him after all. She lied about only wanting safety and legitimacy in New York. She lied about not having a choice with Marcel. She didn’t intend to, but it’s just what came out. Maybe it’s what she wanted to believe. Teresa wondered what that meant for her. Was she becoming that twisted, it already felt like second nature to tell people what she thought they needed to hear? She felt disgusting. She wanted to scream.

But nothing came out. That’s all she gave anyone lately.

Nothing.

Nothing but orders and vicious, petty blows.

Pressure was destroying Teresa. Pressure to keep the house of cards from falling down. While her business thrived, she crumbled. She was not only distraught but ashamed. Out of everyone she could choose to lash out on, she knew James didn’t deserve it. Not after everything in Phoenix. Not after a year of being a slave to Devon’s clutches and certainly not after getting shot and nearly bleeding to death just to make it to her in time.

While James tried to wash off his sins of the night in a shower across the house, Teresa silently cried again over a line in her closet. It was getting too repetitive, her little habit. It had started slowly. She had endless nightmares about cars exploding. Tony. Brenda. Birdie. Running for her life in Culiacan. Sometimes she was even back in that cage in Dallas. She wasn’t sleeping at all. That was how her relationship with cocaine began. A little bump here and there to get her through the day. It did what no amount of caffeine could ever. It gave her invincibility, strength and courage. When Teresa forgot just how capable she was, cocaine was there to remind her. When she had a tough night, and it felt like it was starting to become every night, it gave her the push she needed to go on. Right now she needed to remember why she was doing what she was. The coke made her more of everything. But perhaps she’d been wrong about that too. As she looked in the reflection in front of her, eyes puffy and bloodshot from her breakdown, she felt anything but strong. Maybe it was in her weakness she did what she did next. Or perhaps it was the coke ironically making her too confident, Teresa really couldn’t tell the difference anymore. But she cleaned herself up, removing any traces of tears and made her way to the other wing of the house.

When she knocked on his room door to no response she feared the worst. She gave it 30 seconds before she turned around to make it back to her wing when the door swiftly opened. Teresa’s eyes met James’ surprised face and she swallowed.

So much for cocaine-fueled bravery.

Hair slightly damp, clad in a muscle shirt and a cigarette perched between his lips, he’d guided her to the balcony attached to his bedroom.

For a good while neither of them said a word. He offered her a cigarette and she simply shook her head in refusal. In all honesty, she was scared her hands shook a bit too much to take it. It might’ve been seconds or minutes before anyone spoke. Teresa didn’t know. Then, finally James broke first.

“What is it Teresa?” His voice was scratchy and thick as if he hadn’t spoken in days. No beating around the bush or awkward tip-toeing. Just serious and straight to the point. She almost flinched.

Without looking at him, Teresa sniffed and gave her answer.

“I wanted to apologize. Earlier, what I said. I was out of line. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Her voice was soft as she pushed a curl back nervously.

They both knew exactly what she was referring to, so she was confused when James said nothing and instead nodded at her apology in acceptance. Or maybe hurt was the better term. Because while Teresa had come to appreciate his anger, even his disapproval most recently, she wasn’t prepared for his indifference. It was like a slap in the face. She wondered if maybe that’s what it was like being in her orbit lately.

Well… that’s that.

Shame flooded her once again and she fought to keep her composure, a wave of emotions threatening to hit like a monsoon. She rubbed her nose and sniffed again. Her voice was shaking when she meekly replied “I should go.”

Teresa barely made it a step before James spoke again.

“You know, at least make sure your nose is clean if you’re gonna give orders to end lives.”

This time it was James who didn’t look up. Instead he stared intensely out into the night, puffing out hits of nicotine. His face was an unreadable mask.

“What?” Teresa blinked. The air was suddenly chilly and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She thought she had an idea of how this conversation might go. This… this was not it.

James put out the cigarette and finally faced her. What he saw only confirmed his assumption. A deer stuck in the headlights.

“I pushed weight for six years in Dallas with Camila. I know coke drip, Teresa. I know it so well, I made a point not to associate with people who powdered their nose too often.”

He spat out the last words and it was only then Teresa realized her great failure of reading his temperament. It wasn’t indifference he’d been feeling, but rather pure anger. Rage disguised as calm silence. He knew. Of course he did. Probably from the moment he opened his door. If Teresa was a one way mirror he was the only one able to see the other side. Somehow she was able to compose herself enough to reply.

“It’s not what you think. It’s been a hard week, that’s all.” Teresa was feigning self-assurance. She had been on the run, encountered many terrifying people in her days and nearly died one too many times, but if there was a moment where she was struggling to look more confident than ever, it was right then. The sad truth is she only said that because she didn’t know what else to say. They both knew it was bullshit.

James sighed.

“Yeah, is that what you tell yourself? Listen, if you want to protect your business at all costs, I get that. And I’ll do whatever it is you need me to do. After today, you should already know that. But this… this is a hard limit, Teresa. One that will only end badly.” His words came out rough.

“Look, I have it under control.” Standing in front of him, pupils blown, feeling like a raw open nerve she wondered if he could sense just how much she was spiraling. James had killer instincts and with that came killer intuition.

Hard limit.

What did that even mean? If she didn’t get her nose clean he would leave? Oh no. She needed damage control. She couldn’t get hurt again like the last time.

“Besides,” Teresa didn’t know why she continued, “you don’t understand.” Maybe it was a cry for help.

There was emphasis behind her words and James was studying her closely now. His forehead slightly furrowed, eyes squinting as if in deep concentration. Then he laughed and Teresa’s stomach dropped even more.

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand?”James’ voice was a sardonic repetition of her own words laced in disbelief.

“You know that line might work with Pote, Kelly Anne or anyone else in this house but don’t pull that bullshit with me.” He pulled out another cigarette and lit it, while Teresa grabbed onto the balcony railing. She felt like she needed the support. This conversation felt too familiar. How many times had they stood on a balcony, angry and upset with the other, unloading and apologizing? James was losing count. His head spun.

“Teresa, we both know all I’ve done since I’ve stepped foot here is respect boundaries and follow your orders. That’s fine if it’s what you want, it really is. But you shut me out. You said you wouldn’t hide and yet here we are, and you have the audacity to throw in my face how I don’t understand? How could I possibly understand? You won’t give me the time of day if I’m not doing whatever it is you need from me. You haven’t even given me a chance.”

James was now the one doing his best to reign in his emotions. He had so carefully crafted a mask all day. Worked hard to lay out a gap of distance between them. And suddenly, here she was unstoppable. Trouble. Like a constant tornado in his life, from the moment she first appeared in that warehouse. Always showing up and tearing everything down. She was too good at it.

“You’re right. I haven’t been fair to you lately.” How do you show up to give one apology and end up with two? Teresa was in for it. With a deep breath she continued.

“Look, maybe it was a mistake, asking you to stay. If you want to leave after this, I’ll understand. And I promise I won’t hold it against you, James. You’ve done so much for me, for this business. But you deserve to be happy too.” Teresa said those words and her vision blurred. It was the most honest she’d been all night and she found herself letting him go again. He couldn’t be happy there, with her. Teresa wasn’t even happy herself. Declarations of “you deserve that” rung between them from that night in New York. The same night she let him back inside and shut him out all at once. “I know this hasn’t been what you expected when you decided to stay. For that, I’m sorry. I should’ve been honest with you, about things changing but I wasn’t. The fact is that it has to be different now. After the car…” Teresa choked up and stopped mid-sentence. “Look, the price to pay is too much. I can’t go back to who I was. And I can’t run this business any other way. Please understand.”

The underlying message behind that- she couldn’t be the person he wanted her to be as a cartel leader or as a lover. Her morals had to go down the drain and well, she wouldn’t be vulnerable with James because they could not have that kind of relationship. Not in this lifetime, as she had so sweetly put it.

There was definitely more to her latest revelation and he didn’t know the details behind it just yet. It didn’t matter. All he knew was that if she had been using for whatever reason, the last thing he would do was up and leave. No. He decided he would not be going anywhere, because as Pote had preached to him only a week ago, she might not want him to stay but she needed him. He just hadn’t realized how much at that moment or why. And James did not come this far, signing off a year of his life and fighting off death itself just to lose her to the very product she sold. As long as he remained flesh and bone, she would not destroy herself. He wouldn’t allow it. Not ever again. So he made sure to look her pointedly in the eyes when he sharply said “I’m staying, Teresa.”

And with that said, he walked off the balcony and into the bedroom dismissing her and any words of leaving.

#jeresa #queen of the south #james valdez #teresa mendoza #qots #qots spoilers #alice braga #peter gadiot #otp

49 notes · View notes

lokeanwelcomingcommittee · 3 years

Note

hi I'm new and I've been feeling so much love and admiration for Loki lately but everyone has been telling me that Loki is like The Tower, he will cause drastic upheaval in your life and it's gonna be 100% for your own good of course but this still scares me so much bc do I even get a say in what he destroys/transform for my highest good or does it just happen? i suffer from panic attacks, so should i ignore my feelings and move away from him? thank you so much.

You're always allowed to set boundaries with gods, like asking them not to interfere with certain areas of your life. Any god worth worshiping is going to respect them.

As with relationships with other humans, the flip side to this is that the gods have their own boundaries too. They may or may not be willing to continue the relationship depending on what they feel is best for you and whether they feel they can work within the boundaries you've set. Just as you might make the difficult choice to cut off a friend rather than continue to enable their unhealthy behavior, a god might choose not to enable you if you're not open to working on your issues.

Along those lines, it's worth mentioning that what a particular god thinks is best for you and what you think is best for you may not always align. There is no objective "highest good", and even if there were, the god's aren't all-knowing are are totally capable of making mistakes. We are allowed, even encouraged in the lore, to tell our gods no and go our own way in cases where this happens.

You also have to keep in mind that sometimes shit does just happen. Not because of the gods, or because of you, but because the universe is full of shit, and that shit perpetuates itself all on its own. Worshiping, or not worshiping, a particular god will not shield you from the random disasters large and small that all people experience.

It pretty much boils down to trust. Do you trust Loki to respect your boundaries? Do you trust that he'll take you in roughly the same direction you want to go? Do you trust yourself enough to stick up for what you actually want should opinions differ? Loki won't totally just ignore your desires and steamroll over them while carrying out his plans, but he won't always be able to know for sure what your desires are unless you voice them. It's okay if the answer is no. If Loki teaches us anything it's that lack of trust isn't a moral failing. But it'd be helpful to take an honest evaluation of where you stand there.

Whether worshiping Loki is a healthy thing for you given your fears and your mental illness is something only you can decide. I do think it's generally not healthy to force yourself to go down, or stay on, a path you think is causing you more harm than good overall, but I don't think anyone but you is equipped to do that math. Remember that you do always have the option to wait and pick up worship awhile down the road if you don't feel like you're in the best place to start.

However, you definitely don't have to put off anything you feel ready for now just because you're not 100% on top of your mental health game by society's standards. A lot of us would never get there if we did. Many people do find it possible to discern the voice of anxiety in our heads and our tendency to catastrophize things from the actual voice of the divine.

No matter what you decide, I wish you the best on your spiritual journey! Our inbox is always open if you need clarfication or have further questions.

- Mod E

32 notes · View notes

shmegmilton · 3 years

Note

Can you explain how Aaron and Alexander stopped being friends and started fighting?

They were never really ‘friends.’ I assume you got that idea from the play, but I have no idea why the play tried to push that narrative. Civil? Sure, but that was necessary. New York was less than 50,000 people at the time, and they were both accomplished lawyers & statesmen who had to work and interact with each other on a daily basis. Politics is politics, look at how people are acting right now during our election.

As for your question, it’s a long line of policy & personal disagreements, mostly. They were on opposite sides of the aisle on pretty much everything. Lots of small things, but a lot of big, BIG things.

Burr was (ironically) kind of a pacifist; he kept mostly to himself, didn’t really speak much publicly & didn’t necessarily go out of his way to confront people unless he’s been pushed long enough (everyone ‘snaps’ at some point, y’know?)

But that’s why the ‘Burr is an evil mastermind’ myth is so pervasive today. Burr just… didn’t bother defending himself, or correcting anything, because he (mistakingly) had faith in the inherent goodness of people that someday people would see him for his true character. So for that reason, we don’t really have a good timeline from Burr’s perspective as to how he felt about Hamilton—but BOY howdy did Hamilton never shut up about Burr.

----

Trespass & Confiscation Acts (1782ish)

During the Revolution, the British confiscated the property of patriots that fled the city. New York did the same thing, & for a while it was this game of: ‘Oh, you’re gonna take my stuff? **draws a line in the dirt** Well, everything behind this line is mine now.” It was all very bad, and after the way Tories & Loyalists faced a lot of honestly very fucked up discrimination & forfeiture of their rights. Hamilton (like most Federalists) was pro-British, so he represented a lot of these people in court. I’m sure it wasn’t purely out of the goodness of his heart--most of his clients were loaded--but the sentiment is there. On the other hand, there are multiple records of Burr buying up property around this time, most likely confiscated Tory property, which he would usually flip or give away to people that he knew, so he was taking full advantage of this. Burr also, most likely, went head-to-head with Hamilton on a few of these cases, because Burr tended to work with the ‘common folk.’

French Revolution (1789ish to 1799ish) & Proclamation of Neutrality (1793)

Burr (like most Democratic-Republicans) was pro-French, so much so that he took in French refugees fleeing the Revolution into his home. He was very sympathetic to the cause.Hamilton was not. He basically saw it the same way that right-wing Conservatives see the Black Lives Matter movement is the best way I can explain it. He also hated it for the amount of immigrants that were now fleeing to the U.S.

Burr Gets Chosen For NY Senate (1791)

Key word: chosen. As in, he didn’t actually run. That wasn’t how politics worked back then. The Hamilton musical just fucking lied outright about that, let’s be clear. He also never switched parties. Ever. Back then you were nominated by the people who were already in government--usually by one of the powerful families like the Clintons or the Livingstons, or yada yada. So Burr didn’t actually do anything. He didn’t even really want the position either, if I recall. But back then if you were ‘called to serve,’ you were obligated to do it. Hamilton was furious either way because it meant that Burr was replacing his father-in-law, Phillip Schuyler, meaning that he wouldn’t have that extra ear in government that he wanted. Burr also had a lot of views that were considered ‘extreme’ at the time, like getting extra rights for women, immigrants & black people, but I have no idea what Hamilton thought of those individual policies other than he just didn’t like women, immigrants or black people.

1792 & 1796 Presidential Election

Burr wasn’t really that serious about either of these elections, I don’t think (in ’92 he wasn’t that well-known & barely got any support, but it’s worth noting the fact he was nominated to run at all was really impressive. He’s tied with William Jennings Bryan as being one of the youngest people to ever receive an electoral vote, at 36 years old.) In ’96 he faired a little better—he got 30 votes, which is nearly half of what you need to get the ticket nomination, also very impressive.Hamilton was super staunchly opposed to both of these runs, though, and did his typical Hamilton thing of openly campaigning about how the people shouldn’t vote for Burr, yada yada.

Jay Treaty (1794)

I highly suggest looking up supplemental information on this because it’s a bit complicated, but it was basically a treaty between us and Great Britain to reaffirm that we were going to continue to not mess with France, as well as a couple of other weird hang-ups. It was not popular, at all, especially with the Demo-Republicans. There is a specific instance (that is actually kind of insane) where Hamilton gave a public speech in defense of it, and the Democratic-Republicans in the crowd started pelting him & the other Federalists with rocks. Hamilton got SO mad that immediately challenged a man to a duel, and threatened to fight each of the Democratic-Republicans one-by-one.

Reynolds Affair (1797)

Burr had a personal relationship with Maria Reynolds; he was her divorce attorney in 1793/1794, helped her out financially, & successfully petitioned (+paid for) her daughter Susan to attend a boarding school. I believe they also stayed in his him with him during the divorce proceedings, but don’t quote me on that. He never said anything publicly that I could find, but Burr probably had a personal investment in the Reynolds Pamphlet, since it painted Maria in a really damaging light.

Alien & Sedition Acts (1798)

These were some of the most worst laws ever passed in the history of the country. Like, these were AWFUL. It not only limited immigration, but it limited the freedom of the press and freedom of speech (ESPECIALLY immigrants, my god.)

Burr was right on the front lines helping defend people in court, he actively opposed it & is probably the thing that propelled him into Jefferson’s orbit as a potential Vice President.

John Barker Church Duel (1797)

John Barker Church had accused Burr of taking bribes (which was unfounded & untrue) and they ended up dueling. JBC was the husband of Angelica Schuyler, Hamilton’s sister-in-law.

Neither was injured (though, JBC apparently put a hole in Burr’s coat), but it supposed infuriated Hamilton & his associates so much that they would send out fake letters “from Burr” challenging people to duels.

The Manhattan Company (1799)

Burr was getting sick of the difficulty he was having getting loans from the Federalist-run banks and decided to do something about it. There had been several seasonal epidemics of yellow fever—caused by mosquitos but, at the time, it was thought to be caused by improperly treated water, miasma (‘bad air’) or (if you asked Hamilton) stinky evil immigrant refuges who were fleeing France and Haiti. Burr saw this and spearheaded a campaign to get a proper water treatment plant, even getting Hamilton to help him. Through some really weird loophole that I don’t quite understand, Burr was somehow allowed to use the ‘surplus capital’ for banking, which essentially turned it into a bank. The actual water treatment portion of the company was plagued with problems due to improper management and things like that. We’ll never know his exact thought process on this (people normally assume it was malicious trickery because people are biased to hate Burr anyway) & I highly doubt that Burr knew the extent of the issues (he was on the Board of Directors, but so were a dozen others--INCLUDING John Barker Church) so I don’t entirely think it’s his fault, but the fact of the matter is that it most likely exacerbated the existing problems & indirectly led to more people getting sick/dying until they finally fixed the problems.I would say that it’s completely justifiable for Hamilton to be mad at Burr, but, as we established, Hamilton hated both poor people & immigrants (two groups most likely affected by this) so he wasn’t actually mad at him for the reason a… y’know, a normal person would be mad at him. He was mad at him because Burr destroyed the monopoly that Federalists had on banks, making it easier for Democratic-Republicans & others to get loans. He was literally mad at him for making the economy fair.

1800 Election & 1804 NY Governor Election

These two are self-explanatory, I think, and I’ve already been writing way too long, lol. My hand hurts.

#Aaron Burr #Alexander Hamilton #Hamilton #AmRev #History #American Revolution #Long Post #Anecdotes #THIS TOOK SO LOOOOONG

100 notes · View notes

obeymeluv · 4 years

Text

Forever and Always

Story-wise, I’m stuck near the beginning of lesson 21 :(. So I’m taking a break from leveling up cards and everything to pop out a few of those ideas! The weekends are really the only time I have to do this, so it slows me down a bit.

Hope you enjoy! This time: some angst.

Lucifer’s part may be a little triggering because the reader’s been semi-sedated. I’ll basically put the warning out that these are all near-death scenarios. I have no idea what could trigger people so I can’t really tell anyone what to look out for.

P.S: I’m totally down for writing Barbatos and Diavolo but I don’t really know anything about their personalities. If any of you have made it farther into the game or have uncovered things and would like to share them, please let me know!

P.S.S: I headcanon that Mammon has a messed up or mostly broken wing. I’m very suspicious that NONE of the bros had any wing damage from when they fell. Yeah, Lucifer ripped off two of his wings but SOMEONE had to end up with broken wings. I picked Mammon.

These got super long (as always) so I’m working on part 2 with the rest of the bros right now.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

It’s rare anyone gets a text from Barbatos (unless it’s on Diavolo’s behalf), and even rarer when it’s just instructions. A date, a time, and a place.

And a warning.

If you’re late, they die.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Lucifer

He couldn’t believe it when he read it.

Lucifer had been on edge about it. The message was enough to break him, a warm-blooded demon, out in a cold sweat

The text message had woken him up in the wee hours of the very morning you were to die

Judging by the stars outside his window and the silence in the house, he was the first up

The eldest crept along the hallways to check on all of you--starting with Mammon, Beel, and Satan, and ending with you.

His gut twisted guiltily as he confirmed Satan was fast asleep in a nest of books, slowly unwinding from the chair and slipping into the floor. It pained him to think Satan, something of his creation, would be his first guess. The main worry.

If not Satan, than who?

The question haunted Lucifer into the early morning, the exhausted demon mulling the question over a cup of coffee.

He had breakfast delivered to the house, far too concerned to cook.

It wasn’t until you decided to portion off your treat to give some to that blossoming love of yours that it hit him like a Celestial Blade

That DEMON! Lucifer stood so abruptly he nearly snapped the handle off his mug, chair shooting back with a groan.

He could hear little splinters under his feet, brain barely processing that everyone was looking at him with concern. Suspicion.

“I’ve dawdled too long. I must get ready.” he excused himself.

Lucifer disappeared to his room, collecting everything for RAD.

Everything circled back to his D.D.D. He checked his pocket two, three, four times before he was convinced it’d stay with him while he went to the academy

Everything from then on was a countdown to the time in the text message.

The message wasn’t clear if you’d be dead at that time, or if he should arrive at that time. It was the farthest thing from his mind, Lucifer kicking the classroom door open so hard that it snapped off the hinges and tumbled awkwardly into the room

The room was hardly used but had recently been cleaned. With a slice of the gardens in the window, it would have been a darling picnic spot. If it were being used for a picnic, that is.

What he stumbled into was most certainly NOT a picnic. Far from it.

He recognized your lover, the cretin, but not the other three who’d crashed this little picnic. But there they were, studying books and hissing amongst themselves as they plotted out which pieces of you to take for themselves.

Humans were the rarest of delicacies among all the delicacies, after all.

Lucifer hadn’t yet unleashed his demon form and it was the arrogance of young demons that led the four to stand as if to challenge him.

“I am no longer an angel,” Lucifer removed his gloves as he glared at them sternly. His rage, the pride of being your protector, was getting the best of him. His fangs were growing, grinding against his words and making them pointed. “But you will beg for my mercy.”

Then he flew at them with all the rage he thought he’d given to Satan. Three of them had jumped on him; he could feel them trying to bite at him and scratching his skin with their claws.

There were hazy memories of snapping, tearing, biting, and all manner of chaos. The only clear thing he remembered was the perfect stillness in the room, the tang of blood, and scooping your drugged body up as gently as he could.

“Those vile creatures,” his soft, naked hands shook against your head as he fixed your hair and picked gore from your face. You were still awake, and could still look at him. Just enough light in your eyes to process things. To endure the agony of what would have been.

All of this would’ve been avoided if he could’ve just told you first. But his pride was too great. And he was the bearer of his sin.

“You are safe, beloved.” Lucifer walked quietly from the destroyed room, shoes squelching into the hallway as he took you to the infirmary.

Mammon

He treated the text like a prized secret.

Reading it was enough to give him an anxiety attack, honestly

He’d texted Barbatos back but the butler said he could give nothing else. ‘The text must be followed’ was all he would say.

Mammon is suspicious and observant by nature. For a brief moment he considered that Diavolo was playing a prank on him and had simply stolen Barbatos’ D.D.D., maybe even put him up to it

But the prince of the Devildom wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the human transfer. Quite the opposite.

He went to go see Barbatos in person to try and squeeze some extra details out of the attendant, but was met with a stern face and narrowed eyes. Though Barbatos’ face was basically unreadable, Mammon could tell he thought about putting that silver serving platter upside his head (maybe even putting him in the stock pot)

“The text must be followed,” the butler insisted, brushing past him to reach for some spices.

Whatever it was, it was happening at Majolish

Mammon was getting ready for a shoot and his brain was frazzled.

He’d been irritated and jumpy all day.

What was he supposed to look for when he didn’t know what he was looking for?!

How is he supposed to protect you when he doesn’t know what will kill you?

Mammon sets an alarm on his D.D.D for when you’re supposed to meet your fate, and doing so almost makes him sick. He puts on a watch for extra measure.

Mammon’s in the middle of figuring out how to get you to Majolish when he hears Asmo trying to butter you into going shopping. It’s either an ‘I didn’t get picked’ pity trip or he just wants to steal you for himself

It makes Mammon think of something: do you die trying to go see him at Majolish? Do you originally go with Asmo and convince him to watch his shoot?

“Go ask Solomon,” Mammon throws his arm around your shoulder as he stares Asmo down (even though they’re the same height). “They’re busy.”

He tunes out of the usual banter, the standard names, and just gives you a gentle squeeze to start walking in time with him. Mammon ruffles Asmo’s hair for good measure, sure his little brother will spend precious time fixing it. That will give him enough of a lead to get you to Majolish.

Shoots can be laborious, Mammon is well-aware. There’s time in hair, makeup, wardrobe being painstakingly selected, and then it comes down to posing.

There’s re-shoots, different angles, all sorts of things.

He’s starting to wonder what the HELL the danger is or if Barbatos saw the wrong time. Nothing’s happened, you’re fine!

Mammon has trouble relaxing in the shoot because they keep moving you around to avoid shadows. Just keeping you out of the way, off to the side.

His hyper-fixation is starting to burn out. He checks his watch in-between pictures, ignoring all the help as the scuttle around to change lighting and reposition things.

It’s about five minutes until the accident. Mammon clutches his D.D.D. so hard it almost cracks.

He strong-arms the photographer into some couple pictures (’For the human. It’d probably help the issue sell better, anyways!”) when it finally happened.

No one hears it, of that he’s sure. HE didn’t even hear it. Mammon saw it before he heard it, the odd flicker of light. Mammon’s demon form takes over as he surges forward, blowing the photographer onto his back as he shoots overhead.

There was a huge set light plummeting towards your delicate little human head. A demon-made, Devildom brand set light that would surely turn you into a pancake.

He scoops you up and crushes you to his chest, veering around as best he can with his good wing.

The light whizzes past you both, scraping the thin skin of both wings. He stars the choppy descent down as the light crashed to the floor in a blaze of sparks and glittering glass.

“Dammit, human....” Mammon breathes into your hair, petting your head as his feet finally touch the ground again. His arm lingers around your waist a little longer than it should, but he doesn’t care.

The shoot ends there, everyone needing to clean up the mess. And your main man is now busy taking care of you, so he’s done for the day.

Mammon gets a preview issue almost a week later and is stunned to find a shot good enough for an action movie on the cover. It’s him holding you against him, barely in the air, framed by the sparks of that crashed light. A kiss would’ve made that shot worth a million bucks, is all he can think as he rolls himself out of bed to go brag about the cover.

Levi

Levi takes the text with absolute seriousness because Barbatos has never reached out to him. Ever.

Their relationship was a strained one, his and Barbatos’. Upon hearing of his ability to look into the future, Levi tried (and failed) multiple times to nicely/subtly ask for winning numbers on various raffles and ‘take a guess!’ premium giveaways.

He envied the butler for having such a cool power and hated that he was so stingy with it. But he was also afraid of being perceived as an annoying otaku and didn’t want to be whispered about as the ‘weird’ brother, so he took to avoiding him like the plague.

When he gets the text, he immediately hunts down the place where you’re to die.

The Devildom gets traveling acts every now and then. Rarely is there one that makes Levi want to come out of his room. He’s so stoked at the idea of a pop-up aquarium that he forgets he’s supposed to be investigating it and figuring out what could go wrong.

He’s familiar with all manner of sea creatures but these people have collected for centuries and there’s varieties he’s never seen!

Admittedly, he failed the objective of scoping out the place. Levi decided it was cool and would definitely come back to check it out some more.

He goes back a second time to see if he can connect with any of these creatures. There’s a link but it’s all vague. Some have nothing to show, others feel aggression, and some are waiting to be fed, and some have accepted this as their life.

It leaves him with mixed feelings, as does meeting the owners and curators. Levi gets the impression that these people don’t know how to care for these creatures, or have been doing the bare minimum for centuries.

He goes home, wondering how hard Diavolo looked into this traveling show. What if it was actually a ring con-men with stolen animals pretending to be a traveling aquarium?

Levi’s not surprised to hear Lucifer encourage the group to go see the aquarium on the day you’re supposed to die. Levi shyly tags along and intends to stay close by. He’s convinced he knows the best route through the aquarium

He’d prefer to take you on a tour by himself but doesn’t know if he has the guts.

It takes almost an hour to work through the whole aquarium, what with the groups and everything, and Levi is starting to feel socially taxed and mildly people claustrophobic.

Unexpectedly, the owner rushes everyone into a room he’d never seen. It’s a small arena speckled with chairs all facing a floating stage. Levi wants to write it off as a last-minute cash grab but can’t bring himself to say anything.

It’s almost like a weird carnival game. Pay a couple of Grimm, get a handful of feed, and see if the shadow below pops up to feast. You’re swept up into the feeding like--by Asmo? By accident? WHY. HUMAN, WHY?--and Levi knows THIS is where it happens.

He rushes onto the bobbing stage as you start tossing feed like the owner shows you, attempting to grab you around the waist and get you to FLAT, NORMAL, NICE, LAND

The creature bumps the stage and it bumps HARD. To a human it would be a small earthquake. Or like that nature documentary he and Satan watched about the killer whales knocking stuff off of icebergs.

Levi barely finishes going into his demon form when you hit the water. You’re tangled in his tail (that’s on purpose) and Levi’s trying to figure out WHERE THE HELL THE TEETH ARE.

The stage hasn’t settled enough to grab and all he can do is shoot through the water to throw the two of you onto land.

It has tendrils; he can feel them trying to figure out what he is and how to grab him. Levi wants to bite it as a defense mechanism but doesn’t know what drawing blood will do.

Your air is precious and running out. He coils and weaves himself together so you’re near his face. Levi breathes air into your mouth as the water churns and moves the two of you around.

His head breaches the surface and he does something he’s always threatened to do and probably hasn’t done in thousands of years: summons Lotan.

The creature comes when called, plopping down in the arena and generating a colossal wave that heaves the two of you onto dry land.

Everyone is understandably panicked. His brothers are dragging him away into a corner as visitors flee the room.

The owner is missing, the stage is in shambles, and the room is starting to fall apart. Lotan emerges victorious, as Levi knew he would, and eight people sit in the ruins to let the moment pass as everything falls into silence.

You plunk your head gratefully onto his chest, the two of you quite waterlogged, and Levi just pats you with a wet tail as Lotan leans its seven heads down to investigate what’s become of their master.

#obey me!#obey me! x Reader #Lucifer x Reader #Mammon x Reader #Leviathan x Reader #Levi x Reader

189 notes · View notes

msmkcreates · 3 years

Text

A Second Chance at a First Impression Ch. 9: The One With the Croissant

Boss may be taking care of Stretch, but he still has therapy of his own to attend, and therapy always digs up the root of the problem.

-------------

I know it's been a while, but I've had so much going on these last few weeks, some very good (like a promotion) and some very bad,, including dealing with a death of a family member recently so all of my works have been inching along slowly in my documents.

I hope everyone is having a Happy New Year

Warnings: therapy, imposter syndrome, anxiety, working out Boss' issues, discussion of consent and power imbalances

Read on Ao3 with the above link

-or-

Read here on Tumblr

----------------

The clinic was always empty this time of day, the sun sinking down beneath the surrounding buildings, but Boss quite prefers it when there's less people cluttering the lobby and the waiting room.

His therapist was an aging man named John, with kind eyes and a weathered wedding ring polished by worrying fingers over the years. His office was decorated simply with a handful of pictures of his wife and nephews. No children, he had told Boss once, though the why had never quite come to him. In Boss' opinion it was really none of his business, but he did wonder what could stop someone with so much kindness from passing it on.

"How are things with your new job?" John asked, looking over his glasses at him. "I know you've been struggling with your inability to join the workforce, has this helped the negative thoughts go away?"

"It helps to have another income," Boss agreed, his hands folded neatly in his lap. "And it helps that it's family, and so close to home. It isn't what I expected, though."

John hummed, leaning back in his own chair. "How so?"

"Well, to be frank, I expected it to be a nightmare," he chuckled. "Stretch and I get along like baking soda and vinegar on the best of days. Or at least, we used to...it seems like we get along better than he and his own brother now. He's kind, and thoughtful, a little naive but also startlingly wise at times."

"A good change, then?"

Boss hummed, looking down at his hands. "...I'm not sure. It's nice that he usually does what I ask, and it's nice that we don't fight all the time. But I worry that maybe...he still feels the same, deep down."

"As if maybe, he is keeping it to himself out of a sense of duty and gratitude?" John asked. "You worry that he is only this way because you're caring for him."

"...right on the money, as always," he chuckled.

It was something they'd discussed before, the fear that any kindness shown to him was out of a sense of duty, fear, or propriety. When he'd begun his sessions with John, he'd resisted the idea that he treated Red badly, only to find that was exactly what he had done and Red had only gone along with every horrid word because Boss provided protection, safety, and home. With Red's HP he had always just taken it on the chin for the sake of surviving, something they have been parsing out in small quantities and group sessions over the years, limited by Red's stubborn insistence that Boss has nothing to apologize for.

The fear was there, that Stretch was only pretending to like him because of the inherent power Boss holds being his caregiver. He worries that fear rules their relationship, that Stretch is only being kind because Boss is helping him.

"Is it wrong of me to assume that you might hold feelings for Stretch?"

Boss felt his face flush as he looked up swiftly, bristling slightly in embarrassment. "I, well, that is...I don't know what you mean."

"Correct me if I'm wrong,but every time we talk about Stretch recently, it's all very positive. Your posture changes, and you smile more. Before the accident, any time we spoke of him it was as if you'd eaten something sour, but now it's like I've just offered you your favorite candy." John leaned back in his chair, his eyes twinkling knowingly. "Is it fear of your power in the relationship that keeps you from recognizing these feelings?"

Boss hummed, looking out the minnow over the nearby park. Stretch sat there, on a bench where he had left him to wait, and he got up to walk over to the window and pulled the sheer curtain aside to look at him more properly.

He'd bought him a croissant, in the hopes he'd eat it, but looked like the soft-hearted man had felt bad for the birds with little food, as he was tearing pieces off it to feed to the growing number of cardinals and winter wrens surrounding him. They pecked at the snowy ground and hopped around his feet, and Boss could almost hear him talking to them, telling them to wait their turn as if they understood English, and he chuckled.

"Feelings are irrelevant. I only want him to get better. I want to see him smile more, to see him happy." Boss let the curtain fall back into place. "I'm his friend now, but I'm also his caregiver. If I made a move on him, wouldn't that put pressure on him to say yes, even if he didn't want to? Would he feel as if he owed me? As much as I may want him, I don't want that."

"Consent is very important, and being on unequal footing can compromise it," John agreed. "Have you spoken with him about these thoughts? Being clear in your motives and your wish for consent?"

"Heavens no," Boss chuckled, grasping his hands together as he turned back to the couch. "I think I'd much rather eat a cactus than talk about my feelings. As you know."

"Do you think that's very fair?"

"To him?" Boss asked.

"To yourself."

Boss paused, squeezing his hands together as he thought on that. "...I'm not sure. I'm not even sure what I feel for him is romantic or platonic. I can't tell if it's happiness at finding a true friend or...something more. Or if it's just the amount of time together, or just guilt. I think it'd be a disservice to tell him how I feel if it turns out I'm wrong."

"That seems sound," John said, leaning back in his chair. "Perhaps you should explore your feelings deeper?"

Boss shook his head. "I'm not so sure I want to."

"And why is that?"

"I...I'm not good for him. I'm dangerous, my LV is... so high, and only one hit from me, even with higher HP that he has now, would destroy him. What if I lose myself one day?"

"Do you think knowing you cared for him would increase the chance of that happening?" John asked. "Currently you are spending about as much time together as any married couple. Do you still thinks he is in danger from your presence?"

"Well...I guess you have a point." Boss fidgeted with his fingertips. "Maybe I was the wrong person to look after him."

"That isn't what I meant," John chuckled, standing from his chair. "I think all feelings are worth exploring, Papyrus. If you understand yourself, you can begin to make the changes you want to see. It's worked thus far with your brother, hasn't it?"

Boss smiled wryly. It was true, his relationship with Red was leagues better now than it had ever been, just from understanding and changing his behavior.

"...I will think on it." He reached out to shake John's outstretched hand. "Thank you again, John. Have a lovely weekend and say hello to the missus."

"I gave you that croissant to feed yourself, not the birds."

"I always do," John promised.

--------

Stretch looked up at Boss with bright eyelights, smiling wide from beneath the many birds perched on his outstretched arms. And legs. And head. And any semi-flat surface they could sit on.

"but it's so cold! where are they gonna get their food?"

Boss chuckled, the puffy jacket he was wearing rising and falling with his shoulders in a shrug. "They're winter birds. They eat nuts and berries and whatever else. They know how to get what they need, unless people keep feeding them so they never learn how to do it themselves."

Stretch smiled sheepishly. "...oops?"

Boss stepped closer, and in a flurry of wings, all his new bird friends took off into the chilly winter air. He watched them flutter off, scattering into the sparse park trees.

"I suppose I'm too scary for your birds," he sighed, sitting beside him on the bench. "And you? Am I too scary?"

"too scary? no, you're the best!" Stretch answered, and Boss noted the lack of hesitation with faint pride before he even registered the compliment. "who else is gonna buy me croissants to feed the birds with? blue just says i can't live off bread and gives me something lame, like a salad or green beans."

"Hmm, so I shouldn't make shepherd's pie for dinner tonight?" Boss asked, smirking over at him as he gave a look of disbelief. "Well, since you've decided to live off croissants…"

"noooo! i want the pie!" Stretch whined, leaning on him and tugging on his sleeve. "please! you cook so much better than blue!"

"Don't let him hear you say that," Boss laughed, gently removing his hands from his arm. "If we want shepherd's pie, we need to go to the grocery store. Are you up for it?"

"...can we also get some more honey?" Stretch asked, standing with him and trying his best to look cute. Looking cute seemed to get him what he wanted with Boss, and to his delight he got an amused smirk.

Boss turned, jerking his head so he would follow. "If you're good, we can get whatever you want. Come on, then."

#ascaafi #a second chance at a first impression #spicyhoney #papcest #finally figured out the readmore eeeyyyy #amnesia fic

23 notes · View notes

taeyongdoyoung · 4 years

Photo

summary: you are a mermaid and you save a handsome man from drowning but little do you know it’s not his first rodeo when dealing with mermaids. seonghwa, a former prince, is currently hongjoong’s first mate and boyfriend. hongjoong is the captain, the pirate king of the most savage crew across the seas. and you want nothing to do with them. not because they’re pirates, but because they’re humans…

ship: mermaid!reader x prince/pirate!seonghwa x pirate!hongjoong

genre: little mermaid!au, pirate!au, romance, ANGST, fantasy

warnings: manipulation, betrayal, lying, jealousy, insecurities, death mentions, to sum up: everyone suffers a lot and i have no excuse

author’s note: actually nah, yeosang & soojin are living their best lives

word count: 3.5k

chapter one ☠️ chapter two ☠️ chapter three ☠️ chapter four ☠️ chapter six ☠️ chapter seven ☠️ chapter eight ☠️ chapter nine ☠️ chapter ten ☠️ chapter eleven ☠️ chapter twelve ☠️ chapter thirteen ☠️ spotify playlist

Hongjoong’s POV

I couldn’t take it anymore. The more time passed, the closer Seonghwa got to Y/N. It was destroying me slowly. I wanted her out of his life, out of my life. Everything was perfect before. But my boyfriend was spending more and more of his free minutes in her company. And it was so damn frustrating. Because these minutes were supposed to be mine.

I was the one he was supposed to cherish. But he barely paid any attention to me. I wanted to get rid of her so fucking badly. At first, I considered killing her. But then, I changed my mind. If Seonghwa ever found out, he would hate me for it. He would end things with me for good. It would have an opposite effect of what I wanted to achieve.

So, instead I came up with a different plan altogether. I wanted her out of the picture, right? I just had to convince her to leave on her own terms. To convince her that Seonghwa wasn’t good enough for her. And I knew just the thing that would make her walk away. Well, technically, she would swim away, but whatever.

A smile appeared on my face. It was perfect. I just had to figure out how to get her alone. Whenever she swam by, Seonghwa was always quick to go to her. I needed him to be distracted by something so that I could accomplish my plan. An idea was already forming in my head. But I needed Yeosang’s help. And I couldn’t tell him the truth about my intentions, because he might tell Seonghwa and then everything would go to hell. So, naturally, I improvised.

“Sangie, will you help me with something?” I cooed in the younger boy’s ear while he was cooking something.

“What is it, hyung?” Yeosang asked.

“Well, you remember what you suggested a while ago? About having more than one lover…”

“Oh my God, did you finally make up your mind? You’re going to stop being jealous of Y/N?”

“M-maybe,” I lied. “But I want it to be a surprise for Seonghwa. And in order to do that, I need to talk to her first. Alone.”

“What do you need me for?” Yeosang inquired, eager to help. Poor boy had no idea he was being deceived.

“I need you to distract Seonghwa while I’m discussing it with Y/N. Can you do that for me?”

“Sure thing! I’ll tell him there’s an emergency in the kitchen next time she swims by and make him come with me while you’re talking with Y/N.”

“Really? That sounds great. Thank you so much, Sangie!” I responded, trying not to sound too gleeful about it.

“Of course, it’s no big deal,” Yeosang replied. “I really hope things work out for the three of you. It’d be so nice for you to finally get along with Y/N. She really isn’t a bad person.”

I restrained myself from pointing out that she wasn’t even a person at all.

🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

Reader’s POV

During the past few weeks you’d been swimming to the pirates’ ship every day. Talking to Seonghwa about his adventures was the highlight of your day. You called his name as soon as you reached the ship. You were surprised when he didn’t show up immediately. So far, it had never taken him so long. A couple of moments later, you were greeted by Hongjoong, the captain of the ship and Seonghwa’s boyfriend. You frowned in suspicion, because he never regarded you. So, what changed? Why did he suddenly want to communicate with you. It was weird.

“What do you want?” you huffed. “Where is Seonghwa?”

“Unavailable at the moment, I’m afraid,” Hongjoong informed you.

So strange…

“Listen, I can tell you two are getting closer so I felt it’s only right to warn you.”

“I don’t need to hear anything from you,” you groaned in annoyance. “I know you’re jealous I might steal your boyfriend away. Whatever you say, it won’t stop me from wanting to be his friend.”

“I might as well go ahead and say it, then,” Hongjoong laughed. “If you’re so sure it’ll change nothing.”

Your raised an eyebrow in curiosity. What was he getting at? Did he actually have anything worth talking about or was he just bluffing for whatever reason?

“Go ahead,” you gave him permission needlessly, because he was already intent on telling you something very important.

“Didn’t you ever wonder how Seonghwa knew about Ariel?” Hongjoong suddenly questioned you.

“Many humans have heard the story,” you didn’t think much about it. But now that he mentioned it…Seonghwa had looked particularly heartbroken whenever Ariel’s name came up in conversation. You wondered…why was that?

“You’d be surprised what Seonghwa knows and hasn’t told you.”

You tilted your head slightly in confusion. What was he talking about?

“Shouldn’t I be asking him that?” you challenged Hongjoong. “Why should I trust you? All you’ve ever done since we met is be jealous.”

Hongjoong shook his head.

“Seonghwa’s not the man he claims to be. He’s hiding a terrible secret from you.”

“Stop being so ambiguous!” you were getting angry. “Just say whatever lie you’ve made up and leave me alone!”

Hongjoong nodded.

“Alright, then. You want a lie? The truth is Seonghwa is the reason Ariel turned into sea foam. She loved him,” he said, causing you to flinch. “That’s right,” he kept going. “He was the prince who abandoned her. She gave her voice, her tail and her life for him and he tossed it all away. Is that the kind of man you like?”

Tears began clouding your sight. This couldn’t be real. Hongjoong was lying.

“If he’s as terrible as you say he is, why are you with him?” you asked rightly. “Why would you feel threatened by me?”

Hongjoong laughed bitterly.

“You got it all wrong. I’m just as terrible as him, that’s why we belong together. I’ve killed people, Y/N. Seonghwa has, too. But you don’t belong in our world. You should save yourself before it’s too late.”

You couldn’t believe this. It had to be a lie. Right?

“After all, you don’t want to end up like her, do you?” Hongjoong dealt the killing blow.

By then, your eyes were filled with salty tears and your hands were shaking.

“Ask him if you don’t believe me,” Hongjoong chuckled sarcastically. “Unless…you’re afraid to hear him say it.”

“I’m not afraid of anything!” you screamed in frustration and returned where you have always belonged – to the bottom of the sea.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

I always warned Yeosang not to cook by himself, because it usually ended in disaster. So, naturally, I got a bit annoyed, because he didn’t listen to me. Of course, I couldn’t let him deal with the consequences all by himself and gave him a helping hand, whenever he needed assistance with his cooking adventures.

It wasn’t his fault that he burned something in the kitchen the minute Y/N came by to see me. However, by the time the chicken issue was dealt with, Y/N had already vanished without even talking to me. I felt a bit bummed out about that, but yet again, it couldn’t be helped. It was just an unpleasant coincidence. But when she didn’t show up the next day…and then, the following days, as well, I started to get worried.

I asked Yeosang if he knew anything about that, but he simply responded that Soojin hadn’t appeared recently, either. So, he was as concerned about our mermaid friends as I was. When a whole week passed without any trace of them, I knew that something had happened. This wasn’t like them at all. During the past month, Y/N and Soojin wouldn’t miss a day without interacting with us.

Their sudden disappearance was troubling, to say the least. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I reached out to Yeosang once more in hopes of finding out why they were no longer around. This time, he told me something different, which surprised me.

“Hongjoong was the last person who talked to Y/N before she and Soojin vanished.”

“Hongjoong?” my eyes narrowed in suspicion. “That doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t even like Y/N. Why would he talk to her?”

“That was my thought, as well,” Yeosang exclaimed. “It was supposed to be a surprise, but he asked me to distract you, while he was having a conversation with her.”

“What for?” I kept pressing Yeosang for information. This situation was getting really frustrating.

“He…wanted to convince her that he was okay with her being your lover. It was my idea, actually.”

“And what, you think Y/N found that idea so displeasing that she would leave without talking to me? And Soojin, too. Something doesn’t add up.”

Yeosang nodded, agreeing with me.

“Now that I think about it, Hongjoong seemed awfully cheerful about making peace with her.”

“Out of character much, no?” I frowned.

“Precisely. I don’t want to get in the way of your relationship, hyung, but it’s highly possible, he tricked us both.”

I bit my lips anxiously.

“I’m afraid you might be right. I have no choice but to ask him myself.”

“No, hyung, wait,” Yeosang made an attempt to stop me, probably because he didn’t want me to get hurt, but it was already too late, because I was determined to find out what exactly Hongjoong had told Y/N to make her leave without even bothering to say goodbye to me.

☠️☠️☠️

Hongjoong’s POV

Things were going great. Ever since I told Y/N about Seonghwa and Ariel’s history, I had my boyfriend all to myself. My plan had been executed so perfectly that I couldn’t help but worry it was too much of a good thing. I mean…Seonghwa would occasionally ask around if anyone had heard anything from Y/N. But I was certain he’d forget her soon enough and move on. Right?

Well, to put it simply, I was wrong. And I messed up so fucking badly I wanted to punch myself.

“What did you tell her, Hongjoong?” Seonghwa yelled at me angrily, grabbing me by the shirt, his face dangerously close to mine and not in the way I was used to and loved. He was furious. And he had every right to be. I was such an asshole for telling her. He’d trusted me with such a big secret and I’d betrayed him. I wasn’t sure he would ever forgive me for it. So, I played dumb.

“What are you talking about?” I feigned ignorance to the best of my abilities.

“Oh, don’t pull that shit,” Seonghwa rolled his eyes sarcastically. “Yeosang told me you were the last person on this ship who was seen talking to Y/N. Don’t make me ask again,” he threatened.

I gulped nervously.

“Why would I talk to her? It’s not like we have anything in common,” I lied.

“You have me,” Seonghwa chuckled darkly. “So, cut the crap and tell me...unless you want me to go to the bottom of the sea and ask her myself.”

I sighed. That was exactly the kind of thing I was trying to avoid. What was the use of me talking to Y/N if Seonghwa was going to go after her anyways? I was such an idiot it was embarrassing.

“Hwa, baby, I’m so sorry.”

I didn’t even need to verbalize what I’d told her. Seonghwa already knew.

“Please, tell me you didn’t,” he pleaded, his voice on the verge of breaking.

But I did. How could I deny it? So, instead, I just looked him in the eyes, my own were filled with regret.

Seonghwa shook his head in disappointment.

“How could you do this to me, Hongjoong? I trusted you and you betrayed me.”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I replied, immediately going on the offence, because it would hurt me less than admitting I was in the wrong. “Do you know how it feels to watch you watch her? It’s killing me, Hwa, it’s killing me that you’d rather be with someone else if you could. That I’m not good enough for you.”

Seonghwa flinched away from me as if I’d struck him with my words.

“You were good enough. But honestly, I’m looking at you right now and I can’t even recognize the man I fell in love with. I never did anything wrong, Hongjoong. So don’t project your insecurities onto me, because you and I both know I’m not the one who broke your trust.”

Fuck. I knew he was right but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t take back what I’ve said or done. And if he hadn’t given me reason to question his loyalty, I wouldn’t have gotten this far.

“Fine. You didn’t do anything wrong, but you thought of it.”

“It’s not the same!” Seonghwa screamed. “Damn it, Hongjoong. If I think about killing someone, it’s not the same as actually killing them.”

“Are you thinking about killing me right now?” I asked him, my voice cold and devoid of any emotion. Inside, I was burning alive.

“I don’t know,” Seonghwa responded. “But I’m thinking I don’t want to stay in the same room with you.”

I nodded in understanding.

“That’s fair.”

And then, he walked away, taking the shattered pieces of my heart with him.

🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️🧜‍♀️

Reader’s POV

You had spent the last week trying to distract yourself by doing all of your favourite activities. Collecting starfish with Soojin, observing corals, catching fish, dancing with dolphins, orchestrating concerts with the seagulls. Anything and everything that would take your mind off things. You were so desperately trying to forget everything you’d learned from Hongjoong that you forgot your initial plan. You were supposed to hear Seonghwa’s side of the story. You supposed that Hongjoong’s judgement was clouded by jealousy and he may or may not have exaggerated the extent to which Seonghwa was guilty of Ariel’s death. And yet, something was telling you that he was telling the truth...for the most part.

At one point, Soojin couldn’t put up with your refusal to talk to Seonghwa ever again.

“We have to go up! You guys should discuss this. Instead you’re just shutting him out without allowing him to explain.”

You scoffed.

“Oh, please, you just want to make out with Yeosang. You don’t give a shit about whether Seonghwa was actually responsible for our cousin’s demise.”

Soojin slapped your hand lightly, obviously offended.

“How could you say that? I cared about Ariel, too. But I don’t think Seonghwa is the type of guy who’d hurt her on purpose.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Hongjoong told me everything. And who, if not him, would know Seonghwa’s secrets best? Seriously, Soojin, sometimes I think you live in an imaginary world where everything’s perfect and no one gets hurt. Well, wake up, sweetheart! Reality sucks and we have to think twice before trusting some dumb pirates.”

Soojin was getting even more angry with you.

“Even if it’s true, isn’t it only right to hear Seonghwa admit to it? You said it yourself. Hongjoong was jealous of you. What if he lied to you, huh? Wouldn’t you like to know for sure? And yes, maybe I do miss Yeosang. Like…a lot. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or Ariel. You know I have always had your back, Y/N. I’m on your side and I just want you to be happy again. Please, just give Seonghwa one last chance.”

You closed your eyes, trying to numb the pain. Soojin had a point, of course she had. But realizing it meant you had to admit you were wrong.

“Fine,” you finally conceded. “But if I don’t like his explanation, I’m going back here for good. You can do whatever you want with Yeosang but you won’t drag me with you ever again.”

“I swear you won’t regret it, sis!” Soojin vowed solemnly.

“I hope, for your own sake, that you’re right.”

She gave you a tight hug and made you promise not to act rashly and consider every side of the story before making a final decision. You said that you’d try your best to be more patient and she seemed pleased enough by that. All that remained now was to actually put this plan into practice.

☠️☠️☠️

Seonghwa’s POV

I knocked on Yeosang’s door lightly, hoping he’d answer. I was so angry and upset with Hongjoong that I couldn’t imagine sleeping in the same bed as him. How could he do this to me? At first, I hadn’t planned on ever telling Y/N about my love for Ariel. But the more I got to know her, the more I wanted to be completely honest with her.

It was my secret to tell. He had no right to take that away from me. He had no right to drive her away. I was willing to bet he hadn’t presented the facts, as they were. I should have seen this coming. I should have anticipated his jealousy leading him into making this decision. I shouldn’t have trusted him.

“Hyung?” Yeosang murmured sleepily and rubbed his eyes as he opened the door to his room.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Sure,” he stepped aside to let me in. “Did something happen?”

“Just go back to sleep, Sangie. I don’t want to talk about it,” I responded.

“Oh, okay. Well, you don’t have to talk,” Yeosang sat down next to me on the edge of the bed and wrapped his gentle arms around me. A silent tear rolled down my cheek as I tried to restrain myself from crumbling. Why did it have to hurt so much? “It’s okay, hyung. Everything will be okay.”

“T-thank you,” I mumbled and squeezed his hand tightly. “For being there for me.”

“Try to get some sleep, yeah? You’ll feel better in the morning,” Yeosang advised me and in that moment, I felt like I was the kid and he was the parent. Oh, how the tables have turned.

“When did you get so wise, huh?” I joked.

“I take it after you,” Yeosang smiled sweetly.

☠️☠️☠️

Yeosang’s POV

I couldn’t possibly kick Seonghwa out, not after what he’d been through. In a way, I related to the way he felt. After all, Soojin wasn’t anywhere to be seen, either. I couldn’t help but worry about her. Though I wasn’t a 100% sure of what Hongjoong had told Y/N that would drive the two mermaids away, I had a suspicion that was most likely correct. Naturally, I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. It wasn’t my secret to tell. But what I could do was be there for Seonghwa. Right now he needed a friend who wouldn’t betray his trust. And as much as I respected and cared for Hongjoong, I had a feeling he had done just that.

Seonghwa was sleeping uneasily, tossing and turning, obviously tormented by something. I wished I could make him open up and make his problems disappear just by listening to him talk about them. But after what I suspected he’d been through, I was fairly certain he’d a have a very difficult time ahead of him. I couldn’t do much but support him in my own silent way. It would have to be good enough.

Wondering about all these things, I couldn’t get any sleep. Which was somewhat fortunate, because if I had been asleep, I probably wouldn’t have heard Soojin calling my name in the middle of the night. I hurried out of my room, trying to be as quiet as possible, because I didn’t want to disturb Seonghwa’s already troublesome dreams.

“Soojin!” I whisper-yelled at her in the dark and jumped out of the ship, swimming towards her without thinking twice.

“Yeosang!” she greeted me happily and wrapped her arms around my neck. “I missed you so much!”

“What happened?” I asked her immediately, not wanting to waste any time in needless formalities.

“It’s so terrible. But I can’t tell you yet. It’s not my se-“

“Secret to tell,” I finished instead of her. “I understand.”

“All I can say is it involves Seonghwa’s past,” Soojin couldn’t refrain herself from sharing that piece of information.

“I figured as much,” I confessed. “You think Y/N will want to talk to him again?”

Soojin shook her head.

“I’ve been trying to convince her to hear him out for the past week. But I don’t know. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t.”

I nodded.

“Well, enough about them. I’m happy you came, I was worried sick.”

“I’m fine,” Soojin reassured me. “But I was terrified you’d think I left you on purpose or something.”

“Something was telling me that wasn’t the case, darling.”

It was too dark to see but Soojin’s warm face against my chest suggested to me that she was blushing. I smirked.

“I missed you, too, you know?”

“Of course you did, I’m awesome,” she giggled playfully and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

“And humble, I see,” I teased her and stroked her hair.

Soojin laughed and if someone asked, I’d tell them that sound was my favourite song.

To be continued…

#ateez #seonghwa #hongjoong #yeosang #seongjoong #seonghwa x reader #ateez angst #ateez x reader #soojin #(g)i-dle #pirate au #mermaid au #writing

43 notes · View notes

shadystranger · 3 years

Text

Bernardo character analysis cuz yes

The major hindrance of Bernardo's life was actually himself all along.

Bernardo is a smart guy and as much as he holds expectations he's never satisfied, worse he is the first to feel the most disappointed with himself (ex: him emphasizing on how pathetic and loser he actually is) Bernardo used to see himself as an incompetent third rate book-smart, even after he became the second highest ranked member in the organization he still thought of himself as a loser.

Bernardo's negative view of himself probably stemmed from only one thing and that's that he was too demanding of himself. Bernardo always pursues the finest of things be it liquor, cigarettes, etc he doesn't settle just for any quality, the reason he does such a thing may be because he knows enough just how inferior they would be. You only know something is good when you have experienced what is inferior. Bernardo fancies the finest of things because he's too familiar with the worstes of them Bernardo used to be quite poor not to a great extent at all but his modest family situation posed to him more hurdles in life than it did him good.

Near the end of Bernardo's route after Gian finds Bernardo under the rain, he shares his beer with him Bernardo first got disgusted by how awful it tasted compared to the wines of highest quality he's used to but finds himself later content with it. Bernardo's attitude with the finest of things x otherwise could be also said for Bernardo's aspired self in his mind and what he's in reality. I like to think that moment is more of a metaphor that even his self who does wrong-doings, cries in the rain and is miserable at times is fine on its own without being prefectured and Gian loves Bernardo for who he is anyway.

Bernardo's life used to be quite a series of pure downs and no ups. He emphasized how awful his time in the army had been (which he had to serve in to be able to get into university), no sooner he's imprisoned and is targeted too much for his own good, worse he ends up in the Mafia (the least place he likely wanted to be associated with) and finds himself with no choice but to miraculously work his way in the stocks in a dying stock market or else his life ends. The only time life works Bernardo's way is when Gian helps him and quite literally saves his life, this is probably the beginning of Bernardo's fixation with Gian.

Bernardo is not perfect, he proved to have self-doubt and self-aversion issues at some points but he is not the type who sees less worth in himself and such.

A good chug of Bernardo's mindset is the incarnation of reason. He does not carry out decisions unless he has re-thought them thoroughly and his actions are bound to be from the utmost consideration of the organization than anything, he for the most part knows how to base his actions on his logical side rather than his emotional side and the benefits it has on the organization.

However both the army and family proved to be discard-able means, Bernardo's history in army is kinda vague though it was clear he hated every bit of it and his plans of a family was destroyed because the one he truly fell in love with was a man (and with Bernardo's attitude It probably was never that any women was fine as long as she gives him a child, it was never that any woman would "work" rather it had to be the "specific person he genuinely fell for" unfortunately for him Gian was a man, so that led to smartass plan B of them using any women to hitch two of their kids which is a dick plan overall because it shows that as long as it means he'll reach his goal Bernardo'd not mind using anyone even if he won't go out of his way to, needlessly. Basically Bernardo is an extreme the end justifies the means kind of person) back to the point Bernardo for a long while didn't know how exactly he should spend his life, to Bernardo life is a mere means, probably an empty stage where you've to fulfill your duties and that's it.

In the grand scheme of things, Bernardo has three main factors to how his mindset works: number one is his strong sense of responsibility and reason, number two is his indecisiveness, oftentimes due pessimistic approach and number three is contradiction (which is usually because of Gian).

Bernardo originally strongly believes that he and the organization are in a kind of dutiful relationship. He must be logical, wise, steadfast and completely discarding his own real emotions. Bernardo adopts more of an old and robotic approach to life he is aware he was born for a reason and that's to put his all into being useful, have a family and die. but all of these are mere means for him to fulfill that desire in him to leave a proof of him existing. When you serve your country (ie army, later → the organization) when you get married (ie → a child) both are what you'd most likely think of when you want to bury yourself down into even one person's memory after you die. I don't know if his fixation with the thought is out of self-doubt or low self-worth but one thing for sure It's the only way of life he adopted.

Kind of nearly everything Bernardo searched for (be it, purpose, investment, money, and companions) was given to him by the organization. Maybe it's because of that that he holds the organization this highly in his list of priorities.

CR:5 was in a way the light that guided him through the tunnel. It's no exaggeration to say it played a big part in him continuing to live because he's now actually tied up with an "existence".

The organization keeps on giving than anything and Bernardo'd never really have any reason to betray it you'd think but then you see him turn around and help Gian ditching CR:5 if he wanted to or giving Gian the money he got rather than maybe investing it in the family's ledger especially when CR:5 wasn't in its best shape then.

I'm pretty sure aside from Gian followed by the capos no one matters much to Bernardo. (I included the capos too because Bernardo does admit to Ivan that he's a dick but he would never does harm to someone close to Ivan even when it was convenient for him to)

Bernardo literally has no reason to betray the family, but because he considers keeping Gian safe of greater priority he decides to, this doesn't lessen his loyalty per se but just shows how he sets his decisions based on his own list of priorities, Bernardo would be the biggest asshole if it means he gets the end he desires and Natasha's case was no different as the organization. Bernardo loved Nastasha, he had no reason to ill-treat her but because he knew only through her he could set up Dave, which getting rid of him was beneficial to the family and probably work as a self-satisfaction to Bernardo, he used her. It's not that Nastasha never mattered to him but rather that the organization and maybe his desire to settle scores with Dave had the upper level in his priorities than her.

Another thing to put into consideration Is that in Ivan's route Bernardo did say that he had a "naive image" of the family. He joined expecting better but the reality was disappointing. Bernardo does have his iffies about the ordeal of things but he'd usually just stay still in the sidelines, he doesn't take a step more than his line of sight allows he's cowardly in a sense.

I believe Bernardo's indecisiveness and hesitation lies in the fact he's the type of person who considers the negative what-ifs of any situation most and bases his train of thought on the worst outcome and even when he does not, his fear of the numerous dead-ends and no guarantee 100% that "that thought" would work is due that. In essence he limits his own self through his cautiousness and pessimism.

He's the one who chains and limits himself this much. That's why I think the scene on the bridge at the end of the route symbolizes him managing to rid himself of his constant indecisiveness and cowardice.

Bernardo knew Gian approximately around the time he was with Nastasha. But the difference is that Bernardo truly loved Gian whereas he didn't have as strong feelings towards Nastasha.

Since day one Bernardo had always kept making sure his love for Gian stays hidden if Gian does not notice he will not tell him, the thought was not even considered to him because he was cautious more than anything to protect his relationship with Gian the risk of it changing by Gian becoming aware of those feelings he held for him was too high and not worth it, Bernardo would have never taken the intuitive unless he *knew* the chances were in his favor and he wouldn't lose their current relationship.

In the general pessimistic predictions Bernardo had, Gian and him had no future. Despite adopting the mindset of expecting the consequences of every step he took, that rational valve of Bernardo gets inherently broken when it comes to Gian sometimes. The moment Bernardo decided to make his feelings for Gian blatant he did not regret it. Even if it meant he was fucking up their relationship, he didn't regret it (Though it could also be because Gian makes Bernardo lose all his original sense of reason, since Gian is the cause of Bernardo's "contradiction" or who knows?)

As I already said, Bernardo doesn't get to act based on his emotions due his position in the family. Acting sensibly is commonplace and default for him. Bernardo is not a man who can be tied up by bonds: to him partners can be used, promises can be broken, companions can be betrayed, Bernardo is much more unsympathetic than he lets on (with expectations to that maxim).

When it comes to Nastasha though I don't think It's that he's a mere dick to her because Bernardo is actually not (even if overall he is)

Let's put some things straight Bernardo originally gave her a better life and was the one who gave Nastasha her only source of income (her shop). And it was heavily implied that Nastasha did think if Bernardo abandoned her, she'd have nowhere to go. Bernardo himself is not heartless. So he probably for that reason didn't want to end their relationship of nearly 9 years. It's not that he had much romantic feelings for her (even if he did love her at some point) and was switching between her and Gian because he can't decide and making Gian a side-track in progress. It was more like he was being considerate of her whereas Gian was the one who mattered to Bernardo the most and whom he has the strongest feelings for (not just romantically).

So even If he wasn't interested, Bernardo would still speak sweet nothings over the phone to Nastasha, still give her flowers, and such. He was maintaining their relationship, but he did not intend to give her a future with him. (Is he shitty for acting and leading her on? absolutely. Was it not with good intentions here and there? to be fair, No)

Despite the fact Bernardo took the bystander stance on Nastasha and let her be r worded by Dave, fully aware of the consequences he still regretted his actions and cried under the rain which would seem quite hypocritical of him.

Bernardo continued to hold the bouquet of flowers then, not because he was holding on his love for Nastasha and past, It was because the bouquet of flowers resembled his self that acknowledges Its own incompetence, wrong-doings and failure (also the scene where Gian said he should give him those flowers and Bernardo replied he'd buy him another one but Gian insisted on the one he was holding means a lot more when you view the bouquet as Bernardo's unfiltered self).

In the Best Ending when Bernardo shouted his love for Gian in the void, It could be interpreted as a kind of rebirth for him.

I mean Bernardo originally could not face his genuine probably overwhelming love for Gian (now you see his Gian whoring traits all over the place be it in his own route, the other capos' or the neutral one)

Because of numerous reasons, had Bernardo remained the same as his past self he would still have been stuck, unable to get out of the dark dilemma he had gotten himself into. But through Gian he was able to change and overcome his mental fears.

To sum it up, Bernardo lived his life searching for a reason to live and the meaning of life and family. He wanted to prove himself through his constant efforts and "deeds". You'd think overall such a man has no emotions in him and is incapable of loving thanks to his strongly logical mindset. But he loves Gian like the biggest dumbass ever in love and CR:5 as well (saying this cuz Bernardo did say that spending time aimlessly with the five of them is like a dream-like reality).

#Tumblr broke while I made this #lucky dog 1 #Bernardo Ortolani #This is pure thoughts and brainfarts on Bernardo #The character writing in ld1 is hella neat

10 notes · View notes

kimikitty96 · 4 years

Text

Goodbye Letter to my Eating Disorder

It’s been hard. The past 3 years were so difficult, I’m surprised I haven’t completely lost myself. From having relationship problems, to deaths in my family (my brother and kitty died), to being sexually assaulted in the gym, to almost losing my mom this past year...suffice it to say, it’s been rather difficult.

I turned to my old “friend”, Edward. We “met” when I was 8 years old, and lost touch when I started working at 21 years old. Or, at least I thought we lost touch; he just put on a mask. But here he was again. He was there for me when I was struggling the most. No one else understood my pain the way he did, and no one numbed me like he did. He gave me the drive and motivation to get out of bed and to go to the gym; he kept me from faltering on my diet and turn to comfort eating; he continued to cheer me on when I made mistakes and would tell me to keep going. When I have injuries, he’d tell me that my initial weight loss was not due to me exercising, but my eating habits and to not worry, I can still continue! When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he said to me that I never have to go back to that gym, and that I can go anywhere else to get my “Brazilian Booty”. He suggested I take a trip to Vegas and just enjoy myself, then come back and get serious.

He comforted me when my fiance would reject me, saying if I listened to him, I won’t need my fiance because I’d be able to attract the guy I really wanted, that all I needed was a little push. When my kitty passed away, Edward allowed me to grieve and to celebrate her life by going to a buffet and enjoying seafood, on one condition: I had to make sure that I was right back on track by making sure that I would “let my body rest” from food for a couple of days.

Last July (2019), I went into PHP because I knew something was seriously wrong. Edward was no longer helping me. His voice grew louder in my head, and what used to be gentle nudging became more forceful, more frustrated. Here was his evolution:

-”Oh, you want carbs? Well, that’s okay! You can have carbs and use it as energy for the gym when doing cardio/lower body workout tomorrow! Just make sure you lower your fat intake, okay?”

-”Yes! There’s a food festival! Make sure you get your 10k steps before you go, okay? We’ll eat everything we want, just like those fitness people do on YouTube! You’ve earned it!”

-”Oh, you gained weight...again. I mean...maybe you should lower your calories again. You’re eating a bit more than you’re supposed to, so just make sure your weekly calories are where they’re supposed to be.”

-”Lord, you failed an exam??? Okay, you need to hit the gym harder so you can focus better.”

-”[Fiance] refused to touch you again? It’s been a month since the last time? Why do you even want him to touch you at this point? You should just think about that guy who molested you at the gym, since that’s all you can get at this point.”

“You failed another exam? Jesus christ, you need to focus harder. You’ll never finish community college and get into [#1 dream school] if you continue like this! But if you let your body rest from food, you’ll have mental clarity and will remember your course material better.”

-”Oh, fiance said no to you again. You really need to stop having these “cheat days” or “cheat meals”. He’s getting more and more grossed out by you every day.”

-“Why can’t you just stop eating the junk foods you’re eating? You were able to do it before. You’re so stupid, you can’t even get this right. You know what? I’m going to test your willpower. Go out and buy junk food, and stare at it and say no!”

-”See, he’s flirting with so many other women at his work. This is why he won’t touch you. You’re stupid and ugly; you’re worth nothing unless you are at the top of your class, and weigh less than [UGW]!”

-”Why can’t you stop eating?!?! Why do you have the willpower of a drug addict?! You’re nothing! Get rid of that! You don’t deserve your meal! GET RID OF IT NOW!”

-”JESUS CHRIST, YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID! IT’S YOUR FAULT YOUR FIANCE DON’T WANT YOU! YOU’RE WORTH LESS THAN NOTHING! YOU DESERVED BEING GROPED AT THE GYM BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR WORTH!”

-”See? You failed a class you already took! This is how stupid and [ableist expletive] you are. You can’t even do that shit right. YOU ARE NOTHING. YOU HAVE NEGATIVE WORTH.”

-”Your brother died because he had diabetes. Your mother almost died because of diabetes. They couldn’t control; the shit they put in their mouths, and you will end up with the same fate because your dumb ass can’t even say no to a chip.”

-”Oh, you lost another friend? That’s because you’re a piece of shit. You’ve always been a piece of shit. You deserve to be alone. No one should be subjected to the bullshit that is you. You should just KYS.”

-”No, you can’t have that! You can’t touch food unless I say so! I don’t care that it’s been a week!”

-”No don’t touch food! It’s all poison! It’s going to kill you! Look what it did to your mom and brother! You’re gonna lose your dad too because all food is poison! DON’T TOUCH ANY FOODSTUFFS!!!”

*Me, fainting, at home alone, because I haven’t eaten in a week and my heart rate is in the low 50′s*

-”Why are you being an attention whore? Stop your bitch ass whining and go pee.”

*My response* “Bitch, there’s no one here! Who am I being an attention whore to, my cats?!”

-”Yes! Now stop being a whiny bitch and go pee!”

-”Why are you still here? Why aren’t you doing everyone on this earth a favor and disappear. No one would miss you. They’re not even thinking of you right now. No one misses you now. Everyone is just pretending to like you because they feel sorry for you. They actually really hate you. Just disappear. They don’t want you around anyway.”

-”Leave. Disappear. No one wants you. Just take [redacted], and go to sleep.”

Edward was not helping me. He made it seem like he was, but he wasn’t. He entered my life during a time when I was vulnerable and made me believe he would be my redemption. He knew me; he knew what was best for me. He could make me better/stronger/more beautiful/more desirable/smarter; all I had to do was listen.

That’s not who he is. He is a monster. He’s worse than that; he is pure evil that nothing and no one should ever allowed in. He took what I give him, and it’s not enough. It’s never enough. Once I did what he told me to do, he tells me to go farther because while it’s good, I can do better; I can be better. He destroyed everything I touch and turned it against me so that I couldn’t rely on anyone but him. He isolated me and introduced me to his partner-in-crime, Shame. The more Edward spoke, the more Shame consumed.

When I thought Edward was giving me drive and motivation to go workout so I could improve myself, in reality, he was telling me my body was grotesque and that I needed to punish myself because I mistreated my body. When he tried to keep me from faltering on my diet, he was telling me I shouldn’t eat [xyz] so I can be healthy, when in reality, he was encouraging me to binge/purge/restrict/fast, causing heart palpitations, unstable-low blood pressure, gastrointestinal distress, brain fog, increased bouts of depression, and severe low self esteem; instead of being healthy, he made me extremely unhealthy. When he continued to cheer me on whenever I injured myself due to too much physical exertion and would tell me to “reign my diet in”, the reality was that he caused these injuries by telling me that I had to keep going no matter how hard I trained, that I couldn’t eat enough calories so I could heal and recover, and that even though I was injured, I couldn’t rest and had to continue to exercise. When I got sexually assaulted at my gym, he graciously allowed me to transfer gyms and continue to workout and ignore my mental health when in reality...he wanted to keep me mentally weak so that I would continue to rely on him because he made clothes fit better.

He made it so clothes can fit better; clothes I bought, that I wasn’t allowed to wear, because my body wasn’t where he wanted it to be, therefore I didn’t deserve to wear them yet.

The past few months have been the most difficult out of the 3 years I’d been struggling; COVID, finishing school and transferring to uni, cheating on my fiance, my mom almost dying (twice), and really delving deep inside me to come to terms with everything I went through and being completely honest with myself...I never want to go through that again. But I am extremely grateful I did, because I saw who Edward really was. I saw him for the toxic, vile, awful evil entity he always was, and now I get to say goodbye.

To Edward:

Thank you for who you were when you back into my life (again). Thank you for helping me cope with my issues, and for keeping my head afloat; you did the best you could, given the circumstances you had. I was broken, hurt, lost, and saw nothing good in me. You showed me that I can be better, and that I can do better. I just have to push a little harder, and I’ll eventually get what I want.

You gave me something to hold on to in the beginning, and thankfully, I figured out your toxicity before it was too late for me. This is me telling you that I want to part ways. I know you’ll still be around, because you are my oldest “friend”, and I know you will do your very best to get me to succumb to your ways. But like you taught me, if I just have a little bit of willpower and a little bit of strength and perseverance, I can achieve what I want; that the only person stopping me is myself. I can either move forward, or sabotage myself once more; it was, and is, completely up to me, isn’t that right?

Thank you for the lessons you taught me. I will utilize them to fight you every single day of my life. Yes, I will have setbacks. Yes, I will falter. But like you taught me; if I falter, I need to keep going. What was it you used to tell me? If I miss a workout, or eat something I wasn’t supposed to, that I needed to work twice as hard the next day? That’s exactly what I’m going to do. If I let you in, I will tell myself that it’s okay to make a mistake, and that I can always turn my back on you whenever you appear. The only difference between your lesson and my OWN words is that I will forgive myself for allowing you back in.

I want to thank you for all the vitriolic words you’ve shouted at me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never seen the kindest words uttered to me by the ones who do love and care about me (yes, the people in my life love me despite your insistence that they don’t). I want to thank you for the discipline you’ve instilled upon me. If it weren’t for that, I would’ve never remembered the drive I have at succeeding at endeavors that mean a lot to me. And you know what means a lot to me?

I MEAN A LOT TO ME!

So I will work my hardest to make sure I fight you every single god damn day of my life, and in doing so, empower me to be the best me I can. And you know what it means to be the best me? It’s to be my most authentic and honest and forgiving self. I means I can finally love and appreciate me the way I love and appreciate everyone in my life.

This is my goodbye. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Kitty

#eating disorders #recovery #ed recovery #pro ana #promia #proana #proed #binging #ana #mia #anamia #anorexia #anorexa #bulimia #bulimea #can't stop won't stop #self love

73 notes · View notes

ask-artsy-oncie · 3 years

Text

So I’m kinda in a meh/apathetic headspace in regards to my mental health right now. Maybe it would be best to just let some thoughts out.

Firstly, I do want to apologize for making stupid, borderline inflammatory posts and throwing them out there onto tumblr dot com, I know that’s never the best course of action. However, I really, really do not appreciate anons sending vague “are you okay”s at me. If you’re not close enough to me where you can’t PM me (relatively) face-to-face, then I really wouldn’t like random inquiries about my mental health from you. Maybe it’s just because I don’t 100% trust anons (I’ve been here for a decade, I’ve seen some shit, can you really blame me?) but I think I ought to make myself clear on that. Are we clear on that? cool.

I don’t know... I’ve felt so lost and tired recently, moreso than usual.

I’ve always had a massive complex about annoying people, being too self-indulgent, not having good ideas or opinions or what-have-you. People who have known me for a while almost definitely know that. I don’t think it all necessarily exists in a vacuum, either I have a genuinely hard time coming up with objectively good ideas. Sometimes I’m just straight-up “head empty” mode. I’m also often really opinionated and sometimes intend to die on hills that people aren’t really meant to die on (or are even necessarily worth dying on). I can get way too wrapped up on meaningless things because my brain is too hyperfocused on this one thing, or maybe something I rely too heavily on for comfort is... I don’t know how to put it.... put at risk? Challenged? I have a lot of mental issues and real life issues, though I’m not claiming to be massively oppressed or anything, but I tend to cling to comforts a little too desperately. And I’m not just talking about like. Media. Just comforts in general. Sometimes I’ll spend too much of the day laying in bed. Sometimes I cling to old relationships or old forms of relationships or I constantly worry about the day I’ll inevitably no longer have the same relationships I have now.

I’ve known I needed therapy for a while now. I’m waitlisted and everything, but I need to go about actually choosing a therapist to see and I’ve been dragging my feet on that so I guess that’s my bad. I’ll get to it. Shit’s overwhelming, yknow?

Anyways I know I have a lot of these flaws and problems and I think my horrible anxieties about being too annoying and whatnot is just a really extreme form of self-reflection. Maybe. Not entirely sure. Maybe a therapist could tell me.

I get way too passionate, way too easily, and it’s almost always followed by a super intense period of shame, like, to the point where I’m desperate to isolate myself and destroy my relationships with other people, because then at least I’m actually trying to destroy a relationship by being a bad person, rather than someone leaving me for... I don’t know, being too happy? Caring too much? Talking too much? Just. Shit I have less control over.

I’ve tried putting a cap on it, suppressing everything. Trying not to indulge too much, trying not to be so happy and talkative, straight-up deleting messages I think might be too annoying the second I send them. Trying to be inoffensive through being unnoticeable. I’m trying to do that now, honestly. It’s why I joked about deleting my blog. All it does is hurt and make me go fucking nuts because I’m bottling up a lot in doing that, I know. I’m just not fully convinced I don’t just deserve to feel that way.

There are a lot of points in my life where I’m convinced that my best course of action in succeeding or keeping people from being put-off by me is to just sit down and shut up and draw what I’m told to draw. To just completely lose my agency in drawing. It makes sense, when you feel like you don’t have any good ideas of your own, you just illustrate others’. And there are many, many points where I have done this out of a place of love. Fuck, most of what I’ve drawn for Lolly’s writing has come out of a place of genuine love, not just for her work, but for her. A lot of what I’ve drawn for Bethany (for any REAL long-time followers reading this) has been like that, too. But there are also points where it honestly just feels like my only purpose is to be a tool through which others may visualize their whims. That if I dare inject too much of myself into things, they’ll be permanently ruined. And then there’s the shame I feel in having wanted to impart a piece of myself into a work - a demerit for being too selfish or self-important to deem my whims anywhere near good or important enough to be included.

I have so many ideas. So many opinions and thoughts and feelings and genuine insight that I’ve suppressed or deleted because I either feel like that’s what’s expected of me, or I’m straight-up told that my thoughts and opinions are bad and wrong. Like. Fuck me for having opinions on animated media levels of being shut-down. And you know, I’ve noticed something in the past decade of being an insufferable opinionated prick about things like that - that it’s actually easier for me to enjoy media when I’m allowed to be negative and critical of it. When I am allowed to just share my thoughts. And I don’t mean like, without being disagreed with, I mean like, in an environment where I’m made to feel like I actually can share these thoughts. When I can pinpoint and analyze what I didn’t like or what made me upset, it can be a lot easier for me to then move on and be able to focus on aspects that I genuinely do like. Like, holy fuck, it is SO much easier for me to pick-and-choose aspects of a certain sequel film that I actually like and feel comfortable saying I like than it was for me to do with the original, because I no longer have an incredibly toxic person in my life (or at least, in my life as much).

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had this kind of experience since then, like. There are STILL things I struggle to move past because I have been made to feel like I just can’t fucking talk about them without being insufferable (sorry if I’m overusing that word - it just feels like the best word the feeling I’m trying to describe) or just straight-up ruining something for someone I care about. Keeping shit like this in does crazy shit to me, for real, and there’s still a large part of me that tells me “Fuck you. Suck it up. None of this shit matters.” Y’know? Because in the grand scheme of things, I know it doesn’t. And then there’s the shame that comes from having cared so much in the first place. It’s a fucking cycle. There’s some shit that’s just irreparable ruined for me because of this and that SUCKS.

I don’t like losing comforts. Fuck, I hate it, really. And I’m not talking about new comforts coming along and catching my attention as an old comfort begins to wane, I’m talking like. Destroying relationships, feeling SO MUCH shame surrounding a comfort media that it’s too difficult to enjoy it no matter how hard I try, or having too hard of a time disassociating a comfort with a horrible event or person. And it’s feeling like at LEAST one of these is starting to happen to me again and Good Gods it’s just. It’s so terrifying.

But who do I tell? When my primary worry is annoying or offending or hurting people? Y’know? I can’t just vent to one single person to this all the time, that isn’t fair. But it gets to a point where my brain tells me “No, you can’t talk to ANYONE about this because that’s rude and wrong and a true friend wouldn’t do that. There’s a reason why you can make any number of concerning posts, messages, private ramblings, whatever, and the people you’re closest to won’t ask you what’s wrong.”

And, yeah, honestly, I do think it’s true that the people I consider my closest friends won’t read this. I actually don’t believe the average person will read this, or at least get this far. I genuinely do just talk too much and it’s a lot for most people to deal with. Otherwise, I talk too little, and probably enter the “you should be able to read my MIND” level of expectations, which, of course, isn’t far. I understand, I swear I do, it just takes some time to come to terms with every time I get wrapped up in my stupid mental stuff. And I also promise that I try to give these people the same kind of response I want, y’know? I try to look out for any worrying behavior and try to offer an ear and help in any way that I can. I don’t think expecting the same in return is fair, I just worry about any of them being like me, and I’m willing to play to that if it’s necessary. I’ll break quiet streaks for that shit, y’know?

Honestly, these stupid quiet streaks are probably more unbearable for me than they are even noticeable for most people. It sucks. I just wish my mind was normal so I A) wouldn’t have these insecurities to begin with, because B) I would never end up exhibiting the behavior to warrant such insecurities.

There’s so much shit I want to talk about, to analyze, or explore, that I want to share with the world, or at least with people I love, that I probably never will because my stupid brain has already decided that all this stupid shit is better kept to myself where it can rot and be forgotten eventually. Which is fine, in the grand scheme of things, I guess, because I functionally have never really been the guy who comes up with ideas (at least, good ideas) I’m just the pencil, the one who I guess makes things visual? I can’t even bring myself to say “I bring the ideas to life” because that’s pretentious and untrue. These ideas are already alive because they come from brilliant minds.

I don’t even think it’s fair for me to call myself a character designer unless the characters are my own. Otherwise, I’m just following the directions of a much more competent conceptualizer (there’s a reason my characters barely have any... well, character). That’s the reason why I removed my unearned credit as the character designer for Ty from Swindle’s description, because I really don’t deserve that kind of credit. It’s why the asks about the designing process of Ty have been left unanswered, because, fuck, what do I even say? “I just did what Lolly told me to do, just like I did with all of Swindle. Please don’t give me that kind of credit, I know I falsely ascribed it to myself earlier, and I want to rectify that”? I guess I could have, actually, now that I’m typing this. But people always get fucking upset with me when I try not to take credit, even when it’s shit that isn’t mine!! So I don’t know what to do!! I don’t know what to fucking do!!! Because I just don’t fucking want to make people upset or unhappy!!!!!!!

I’m sorry, this post is too long and I’ve worked myself up and I’m no longer apathetic. I’m gonna go cry myself to sleep so big win for my complexion, honestly.

Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I guess getting this shit out of my system is probably best to do in a big tumblr post no one will read.

I don’t want anons about this. If I can just ask one thing. Please.

#do n/ot reb/lo/g #rant #vent #long post #probably won't delete tbh #i don't know it's the most competent i've been about weird mind shit for a while now #so maybe it would be best to just leave it

2 notes · View notes

33skeletons · 3 years

Text

This is a list of all the people currently available

If this blog gains any real traction, I’ll add more... but until then, I don’t want to get too carried away until I’m 100% sure that the effort is worth it. I hope y’all understand

Name: Deydra Age: 18 Likes: ice cream, yaoi, drawing, roleplay dislikes: rude people, coffee, people putting words in her mouth, XP, Punk Bio: She’s in an open relationship with Scruff. she’s mute, but doesn’t know sign language, so she communicates via charades. She’s a low key perv, but tends to feign innocence.

Name: Friday Age: 22 Likes: flirting, coffee, making people flustered Dislikes: tea.... that stuff’s too mild, spicy food..... are you fucking insane!?! Bio: This tall drink of water is not for the feint of heart. He knows all the right buttons to push to reduce you to a blushing puddle. He has a goofy sense of humor and will often make a complete fool of himself just to make people at least crack an amused smile.

Name: Manga Age: 24 Likes: being pampered, the finer things in life Dislikes: getting dirty, being treated like a commoner Bio: This Miss Priss is a purebred with a pedigree. She believes herself to be an aristocrat and deems those of lower standard to be “plebian filth” and below her. Quick witted with a sharp tongue to boot, she’s not the nicest person to be around unless you can meet her high standards.... or give her a bottle of fancy ketchup. She has a weakness for tough guys that can match her mental capacity and hold intricate conversation with her.

Name: Punk Age: 32 Likes: What’s it to ya? Dislikes: Like you’d like ta know! Bio: he’s quite stand-off-ish and likes to keep people at arms length as much as he possibly can. He gets along with very few people and likes to shroud himself in mystery, the less you know, the better for him. He’s a wild card that enjoys throwing people for a loop at every turn.

Name: Scruff Age: 19 Likes: protecting Deydra, spicy food, tea, cuddles Dislikes: sushi, bone broth Bio: he and Deydra are in an open relationship. He cares more about Deydra than his own life. He’s a tad stand-off-ish towards anyone he doesn’t know. He tends to act as a translator for Deydra when someone doesn’t understand what she’s trying to say. All the scars on his face and his gold fangs are all from fighting to keep Deydra out of harm’s way. Wherever Deydra goes, Scruff is never very far.

Name: XP Age:15 Likes: destruction, being an asshole, getting what he wants Dislikes: being told no, having to be nice, things he destroys being fixed Bio: This edgy teen just wants the world to burn. He strives to hurt people any way he can and often ends up getting beaten senseless by Scruff when he targets Deydra. Being an Error Nightmare, he can use both Error strings and Nightmare tentacles to bring about destruction and pain, though he normally keeps the tentacles hidden as not to instantly rouse suspicion from his targets seeing as most actively avoid Nightmares, but are okay with Errors, though he can’t hide the goop that covers his right eye, which gives away his other half if anyone’s attentive enough to put two and two together in time

Name: Hokori Age: 23 Likes: food, blood, peanuts Dislikes:..... meh Bio: With his hood up, he appears to be a Dust Sans, but with his hood down it reveals a large gash in his skull and allows him to pass as your average Horror Sans. He’s volatile and unpredictable, but the fastest way to this skeleton’s proverbial heart is lots of food. He’s a bottomless pit with an insatiable apatite. If he’s out on a killing spree and has decided to target you, your best bet at escaping is to toss a handful of some kind of small, easily scattered snack such as peanuts. He’ll stop and start picking up and eating whatever you threw like James Woods from Family Guy. He’s also a bit of a perv once he’s deemed you not worth the energy of killing.

Name: Calibri (left) Age: 21 Likes: shredding sick riffs on her guitar, rapping, beating the snot out of assholes that need a checkup with karma Dislikes: Assholes, people calling her fat... I’m a queen with more curves than you know how to handle!!! get it right, fuckers!!! Bio: This badass, bodacious babe is one of Gears’s twin daughters. She’s got a sailor’s mouth with an alcohol tolerance to match. She’s hot-headed, but also mediates when her sister Chiller is too angry to see straight and starts edging too close to the line when putting her foot down. Calibri is sexy and she knows it with a ride or die attitude. She don’t need no man to take care of her, no sir! She’s perfectly capable of paying her own tab and fighting off a group of thugs that don’t know how to take no for an answer! She, her sister, and her mom can play Through The Fire And Flames on their guitars. Name: Chiller (right) Age: 21 Likes: playing guitar with her sister Calibri and mother Gears, reading Dungeons and Dragons books Dislikes: movie adaptations of books, live action adaptations of animations, assholes, being angry Bio: Chiller’s a badass babe in her own right. She survived being hooked up to a car battery and has the scars to prove it. She’s a lesbian and proud, and prefers taking on the dominant role in a relationship. Her pain tolerance is incredibly high. She enjoys hip hop, interpretive and break dancing, and is one heck of an archer with nearly dead shot aim. She’s normally stoic and very blunt with her words, preferring to only speak when necessary. She’s a natural born pack alpha.

Name: Sparkle Age: 41 Likes: anything sweet, bright colors, J-pop, K-pop Dislikes: anything bitter, having to get violent, seeing others get hurt Bio: she may look all sunshine and rainbows, but she can punch like a freight train and sometimes forgets her own strength. She suffers from hypoglycemia and has to keep sweets and candy on her person if she leaves the house, though she will gladly share them if you ask. She enjoys baking, and can often times be found doing just that out of boredom, not that anyone has been complaining. She may appear frail, but she can tank hits like a champ so long as said hits don’t come from a sharp object or gunshot. Her twin sister is Shade. She has a problem with producing more magic than her body can handle, so her sister comes in handy for that issue.

Name: Shade Age: 41 Likes: star gazing, dark colors, bitter and robust flavors, Evanescence (she knows all of their songs by heart) Dislikes: sweets, bright light, satanists Bio: Miss Doom And Gloom here is a wiccan highly skilled in her practice. She has the ability to leech magic from other monsters because she has no magic of her own to use, so she uses the magic of others, though mostly the excess magic her sister overproduces. She doesn’t enjoy getting her hands dirty in a fight,.... good thing she wears gloves! She’s rather soft spoken, but make no mistake, she has an outside voice and will not hesitate to use it if someone’s getting on her nerves. She mostly uses defensive magic to protect others, though she knows attack spells purely for the defense of herself and others should it be absolutely necessary. She also knows basic healing magic, though she can only heal minor injuries.

Name: Aiden Age: 40 Likes: pain, meat, grunge and screamo Dislikes: pop music, allergy season, Bio: This sharp toothed masochist ADORES pain, both receiving and inflicting. She got so mad once, she ruined her voice, so now she sounds like she smokes a pack a day. She’s very fast, agile, and super flexible since she’s double jointed EVERYWHERE!!! She has three rows of those razor teeth and a tongue which is so long it can act as an extra limb, which she enjoys showing off to freak people out via picking up objects such as cups, keys, pencils, and even going so far as to balance on it. She has very bad allergies, so she smells by flicking her tongue out like a reptile. Her spit and other bodily fluids are highly acidic. She’s normally chill, but it’s still obvious she’s a bit unhinged.

Name: Gears Age: 40 Likes: hot sauce, children, playing his acoustic guitar, working on cars, blacksmithing, learning new things Dislikes: sitting still for too long, sweets, water, cold, rude people, being alone Bio: Gears is a country boy that enjoys staying in top physical shape and keeping his hands and mind busy at every chance he gets. He’s just as strong as Sparkle, but slower. He has fire magic that when not fighting to keep others safe, he uses to forge metal as a freelance blacksmith. He carries a ridiculously enormous wrench forged from the hardest metal known to man that he uses as a melee weapon. Fire doesn’t harm him, but water sure as heck does (but he can drink things like koolaid and soda and be perfectly fine... just no water on it’s own or saline solution)!!! He bleeds ferrofluid, which he can manipulate, harden, and liquify at will as a last resort in a fight or to keep his injuries from deterring him too badly. He’s a bit of a himbo, but not as dumb... he just has his moments where “me brain am no werk so gud” and it’s evident when he starts having Freudian Slips in whatever he’s trying to say or his response to a question is “uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhm...... wait one...... run that by me again?”. Gears was around during the great human monster war, which in his AU the humans sealed them in the mountain, but chased them till they were backed against the barrier, but the monsters hit a massive stroke of good luck and managed to take back the underground with the help of Frisk. Being a war veteran that has seen things no one should ever have to, he suffers from PTSD. Gears has a soft spot for children, and will often babysit for others if they ask.

Name: Sketch Age: 40 Likes: drawing, painting, coloring, blood, sketching,..... what? Dislikes: ......... what were we talkin bout? Bio: Sketch is an unhinged scatterbrained clutz of an aspiring artist.... with a dark side. She’s a low-key sadist that’s developed a taste for blood. Once you piss her off, stopping her is like trying to stop the Doom Guy.... just... stay out of her warpath and pray to whoever you pray to that you’re not the one she’s storming towards. She’s a MASSIVE perv and will openly stare at whatever she sees that she likes a little too much, even known to get handsy when the person doesn’t take the hint. She often loses track of important things like her phone, keys, ect and loses her train of though every now and then or feigns it to skillfully dodge questions and conversations she’d rather not be having.

Name: Rave Age: 42 Likes: singing, dancing, fashion and most importantly BOOOOOOOYYYYYS~ Dislikes: ..... depends on the situation, really~ Bio: A flamboyantly gay vigilante is also a medic with powerful healing magic. Rave is fleet of foot and deathly quiet when sneaking up on someone and with enough stamina to outrun most of his targets. His weapon of choice is a glowstick staff. Wanna hear what he sounds like? Go to youtube and look up any nightcore male version of any Ke$ha song and that’s what he sounds like. Rave likes looking hot AF and can frequently be found rocking women’s punk, pop and grunge style clothing and looking damn good in it and some eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara. He prides himself in keeping himself as healthy and fit as he possibly can at all times. He unironically likes pumpkin spice anything, peppermint bark lattes, and kale chips.

Name: Dante Age: 42 Likes: children, Italian food, guns, cigars, wine, bourbon, being a wise guy mobster, Helping others.... so long as they help someone else in return that is.... sorta like.... paying for the person behind you in a drive thru where it starts a chain reaction of people paying for the next person’s meal..... little acts of kindness make the world go round, y’know.... and I’m a charitable man. Dislikes: rude people, having to go “Melancholy”, Bio: This Mafiatale Ganz (GZTale Sans) is the don of his own mafia that deal in guns, alcohol, and providing protection to those who come to him on the day of his sister's daughter's son's niece's nephew's grandmother's sister's wedding-..... pffffft hahaha!!! Just kidding! He has no blood relatives besides his brother Leon, but this group of people (everyone in the two pictures above this) are like.... illegitimate family.... adoptive you could say. Dante’s great with kids. He and Gears are the best at babysitting and often work together to help lost children find their families again when they’re out and about. Dante enjoys giving back to the community as much as he possibly can, even spending his free time doing volunteer work and donating funds to the city. When Dante gets a custom order on a gun, he has Gears forge it for him and focuses on the fine details, dip dying, engraving and making custom bullets to match.

Name: Anomaly Age: immortal, frozen at age 23 Likes: helping others, traveling to other AUs, fruity alcohol, karaoke, JAPANESE FOOD!!! Dislikes: spicy food, beer, celery, mushrooms, country music Bio: Anomaly has ben around for god knows how long. They are bigender. They have wings and horns (cause They’re a fallen angel) but prefers to hide them away. 40 years ago, they decided to create their own AU as a safe haven for anyone trying to escape danger, though danger seems to find their little safe haven more than they’d like to admit. It was around this time they discovered forgotten AUs and ones being destroyed or deleted and decided to try to rescue as many people from them as they could, bringing them back to populate their AU Crossroads, aptly named due to it being a meltingpot of the multiverse and still growing in size and population to this day. The 9 skeletons listed above were the first 9 they ever rescued and they became like their own kids. They’re a goofball, but make Them mad and you’ll feel their wrath! Skilled in a multitude of weapons and fighting styles, they’re a formidable force of nature. They can shift between male and female at will, though they prefer their female form due to them being able to fit in smaller spaces, being lighter weight, and being able to doe eye and bat their eyelashes out of most situations.... plus free drinks at the local bar on Thursdays.

Name: Eros Age: 19 Likes: long walks on the beach, cuddles, his family, oreos Dislikes: rainy days, confrontation (cause it makes people afraid of him) Bio: This 10ft tall, frightening behemoth is actually Aiden’s son! Out of all the second generation, he’s the youngest of the adults, but the most responsible of the four boys, often being the voice of reason amongst them, especially when it comes to the well being of children around his idiotic cousins Etch and Scribble and often being the one to get little ZJ to listen to what he’s told by telling him going to bed on time and eating vegetables will make him grow up big and strong like him. He’s actually a little on the shy side and very humble, only hamming things up around ZJ and other small children present. He suffers from early onset arthritis and has to take medication for it to keep his joints from locking up and grinding together, but he doesn’t let it hold him down. He and his uncle Gears work out together because it helps his aching bones and because Gears turns it into fun little challenges for him to keep him going with it instead of giving up.

Name: Etch Age: 21 (but a few months younger than Chiller and Calibri) Likes: mEmEs!!!, weed, being annoying, prank wars Dislikes: being forgotten, being ignored, pain (has a very low pain tolerance) Bio: One of Sketch’s sons and Scribble’s twin brother. He’s just very lonely and wants people to pay attention to him to stave off being alone for as long as he can... whether said attention is positive or negative. When no one pays attention to him or there’s no one to keep his thoughts from wandering to dark places, he steals his brother’s weed stash and gets high... which his brother hates because Etch could easily go to a doctor and get his own prescribed to him, but Etch fears the doctor’s office more than death and adamantly refuses to go, even hiding or running away at the mere mention of it. Etch tried to get a tattoo once.... he went into it screaming like a badass Viking, but before they could even roll up his sleeve to start, he ran out blubbering like a baby. He’s the most irresponsible one in the entire family and is always the one to cause major problems because of a bad idea he thought was good at the time. He ends up in bad situations a lot and finds himself with the wrong crowd more often than not, but lucky for him he has a family full of badasses that come to bail him out of any situation before he ends up hurt too badly.

Name: Scribble Age: 21 (but a few months younger than Chiller and Calibri) Likes: memes, weed, hanging around Etch, Eros and ZJ, cuddles Dislikes: when Etch steals his weed, when Etch gets into trouble, pain (another with very low pain tolerance, looky there! But he has literally no tolerance for pain.... he screamed when he got those piercings) Bio: Scribble suffers from anxiety and clinical depression and was prescribed marijuana to treat it. He and his brother were home schooled after freshman year of high school due to Etch pissing off the entire football team and them all ambushing the brothers in the locker room after gym class and um... let’s just say Etch got over it and Scribble still fears .....backdoor intimacy after what the football team did to them. Scribble is unable to protect himself and is a firm believer in pacifism. In times of battle, Scribble acts as a messenger, able to write notes in magic ink that can only be seen by it’s intended recipients. He normally just rolls with whatever Etch is doing or does what he’s told to avoid a conflict.

Name: Spritle Age: 20 Likes: Cheesy romance, dark humor and morbid jokes, rainy days Dislikes: removing her death touch nullifying necklace, people sexualizing her right off the bat, people underestimating her because of her appearance Bio: This brightly colored reaper girl is one of Sparkle’s daughters. She prefers to blend into the background and not be the center of attention if she can help it. Yes, her freckles are rainbow colors. She’s more on the proper side like her aunt Shade and enjoys a relationship if it’s not centered around perversion. She’d rather spend the day cuddled up on the couch watching disney movies, eating pizza and sharing a drink with two straws. She really likes nostalgic and retro things like 50′s diners and drive in movies. If you’re with her and intend on asking her out, doing old school gestures like laying your jacket over a puddle so she won’t step in it is the quickest way to win her over.

Name: Pixie Age: 19 Likes: when any guy is interested in her, when soon to be reaped souls try to run from her sister (It gives her something to do), sushi Dislikes: When people think she’s a child because of her nearly flat chest and high pitches voice, How her big sister has a bigger bust than her (Sprilte: Hey, if I could switch with you, I would! These things hurt my back!) Bio: Sparkle’s youngest daughter. Her father was an ErrorFellSwap Papyrus. She works with her sister as a chaser. Her job is to chase after, disarm and detain souls that refuse to be reaped when their time comes via trying to fight death or outrun it and thus trying to fight/run away from Spritle. Pixie is the first ever chaser on record and was the one who proposed the idea to the reaper council to keep reapers from tearing their bodies up to do their job. Chasers can be identified by a little white cross on their clothing or accessories and are required to be fast runners and ferocious fighters. Pixie has the speed and ferocity of a FellSwap Papyrus and is able to use her error strings to easily take weapons from your hands and tie you up to await the cold bite of Spritle’s scythe or claw blades. Pixie enjoys puzzles, her favorite being rubix cubes.

Name: ZJ Age: 4 Likes: coloring, playing outside, hanging out with the older boys, spending time with uncle Gears and uncle Dante, when his momma reads to him, hide and seek, COOKIES, CAKE AND CANDY!!! Dislikes: When people are mean and hurt others, vegetables, bed time Bio: Shade’s adopted son. ZJ is shy, yet a hyperactive ball of energy that likes to hang around with Etch, Scribble, and Eros. He has wisdom beyond his years thanks to his mother reading college level literature as his bedtime stories, but he has trouble articulating his words from the first three years of his life being spent with everyone baby talking him. When he doesn’t know how to respond to something, he just reacts by screaming “I DUNNO WHAT’S GOIN ON!!!” the same happens when he gets overwhelmed, but it’s accompanied by him hiding behind the nearest trusted adult.

FEEL FREE TO START SENDING ASKS AND RP STARTERS!!!

#ask blog #undertale ocs #undertale original characters #undertale skeletons #my sona #character list #character lineup #ask box open #rp friendly

13 notes · View notes

tonystarkbingo · 3 years

Photo

Title Prompt Game - Tags and Summaries

like a warm blanket - suggested by @rebelmeg

@somesortofitalianroast - fluff, snowed in, only one bed

@huntress79 - There's a reason Tony loves being in the workshop - but not the one most think it is. No, it's not that he knows the place blind, or that he loves (even craves) the attention the bots give him - no, it's because it's his safe harbor, the only place where he can really be him, and the one place that is to Tony what a warm blanket on a cold day is to other people.

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - Steve never liked the cold, ever since he was little. But after the ice? He loathed it. It always brought up feelings and memories he'd rather keep buried. ~ Or the five times Steve struggled to find something to keep him warm at night, and the time he learned he could just use Tony.

@jamesbuckystark - Tony Stark has self-esteem issues. Only the closest of the closest of his friends know this. On his bad days, they cuddle up with him and whisper words of love and encouragement, comforting him like a warm blanket

@psychiccatpanda - [potential ironhusbands] Tony hadn’t worried when Rhodey’d fallen asleep on his shoulder during movie night. His sour patch had been burning the candle at both ends lately splitting his time between DC and New York. But then Rhodey had draped an arm over him and now he was stuck there unless he disturbed him. On the other hand, it wasn’t that bad... it was cozy - like a warm blanket

@rebelmeg - self-esteem issues, sincere compliments, love confessions

@huntress79 - (WinterIron pre-Relationship) If there's one thing Bucky learned about Howard's boy in the first few weeks he was living in the Tower it was Tony's stubbornness, by times as worse as Steve's. So, of course, Bucky watched the genius. And was the first to notice something off - Tony was getting a cold, and he was fighting it. He just didn't expect the former Winter Soldier, of all people, to bring him chicken soup, warm blankets, a cot and a gazillion of other things into the workshop. Huh - who would have guessed that?

@lbibliophile-mcu - [recovering-bucky] Living with Steve was like being wrapped in a warm blanket. Nice on cold evenings, soft and comforting. But sometimes, it can also be confining, smothering. Sometimes, what he needs instead is the freedom of cold air.

Keep reading for more!

Cappuccino, extra shot - suggested by @somesortofitalianroast

@huntress79 - (Road to Stony XD) Despite working as a Barista in a coffee shop, Steve never really liked all the fancy coffees he made for the customers. Until one day, when torrential rain sweeps a new customer into the shop - hot, elegant, smart-mouthed and way above Steve's league. And pretty much the only guy in all of Manhattan to always order the same thing - Cappuccino, with an extra shot of (insert ingredient of choice)...

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - Tony would never be seen dead walking into a coffee shop. Why would he go for overvalued, overcooked, too sweet coffee when he has the best beans imported and prepared by his very own live-in barista? He has access to the best coffee 24/7. But his barista goes on parental leave, and Tony finds that brewing his own coffee, isn't one of his many talents. So, if he is to get his daily fix, he has to go to a coffee shop. Tony is miserable about the whole situation, that is until he meets an art student called Steve working to pay his way through college.

@psychiccatpanda - (pre-WinterIron) It wasn’t a difficult drink to make. So why was it that this guy never made his cappuccino right? Tony frowned into the froth on top. And part of the fun of going to a coffee shop and buying cappuccino was seeing what kind of foam design you’d get. This guy - James, according to his name tag - apparently only knew how to make hearts. Come on. Tony walked back to the counter to complain again. Behind the counter, Bucky could feel Natasha’s eyes on him like a dagger between his shoulder blades. He’d done it again, just to talk to his most gorgeous customer... who also thought he was an idiot.

@lbibliophile-mcu - "aw, coffee, no" Clint stares despondently at the paper takeaway cup in his hand, the scalding brown liquid running over his wrist to drip on the floor. When he ordered a cappuccino double shot, this was not what he meant. Another loud gunshot echoes in the street outside. Chugging the remaining elixir, he throws the ruined cup in a bin, wipes his hand on his pants, and grabs his bow. Looks like he has a coffee to avenge.

@rebelmeg - tags: coffee shops, love at first sight, awkward flirting

Bitch boy - suggested by @phoenixmetaphor3000

@tehroserose - tags: BDSM, humiliation, consensual nonconsent

@somesortofitalianroast - [Tony/Bucky] : au: sex work, au: camboys, au: bdsm

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - He was Tony Stark's bitch. Everything else didn't matter. Everything else was stripped away by his Master, his Sir. 100 odd years on this earth, and he finally found his place... and it was at his master's feet.

@summerpipedream - "Excuse you??" screeched Tony. He shoved his paper cup, somehow already devoid of the coffee poured in there 5 seconds ago, into Rhodey's hands before he launches himself at the asshole yellling at them. 5 times Tony was called a bitch and the one time he actually did something about it.

@tehroserose Winterironfalcon- Tony was his bitch. And that's the way he liked it. But, still, he was going to take care of his boy, in his way. And Tony had a fantasy. He wanted to be taken by a stranger, a stranger who didn't listen when he said no. Sam wasn't willing to give him to a stranger. But Bucky? Bucky looked at his bitch with longing. And Sam trusted Bucky. And Tony? Tony didn't need to trust Bucky to do anything other than to listen to Sam and his safeword. And Tony liked it that way. (Tag: Porn with feelings, It was just sex, (no it wasn't), established Sam/Tony, pre Sam/Tony/Bucky)

@huntress79 - (Stony secret relationship) Ever since they fought the Chitauri, everyone knows that Tony and Steve barely get along. Sure, they got a bit better after Tony's almost death, but yeah, it could be better. But then, one morning, the Avengers are shocked to hear Tony calling Steve "Bitch" and - even more shocking - Steve replying with "Jerk" What the heck is going on now? (the Bitch-Jerk exchange is borrowed from Supernatural XD)

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - He hated Alphas so much. He hasn't ever met one that had a single good intention in their life. All they ever did was take and destroy. This he learned first hand when he was 15 in a back ally after saving Dorothy Elliott from a couple of Alphas. It didn't matter that he was an Alpha himself, he was small and Omega enough for them, a "Bitch Boy". Steve Rogers hated Alphas and was sure he always would. But then he met Tony Stark and his whole world changed... (Tags: Implied/Referenced R*pe, Alpha/Alpha Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Tony Stark has a Heart, Falling in Love)

@psychiccatpanda - Tony had been called worse before - much worse. He'd asked Natasha to be his date for the conference because the Avengers thought he needed a bodyguard for an International Energy Council conference. At least she didn't look like a bodyguard. Justin Hammer had been trying to get his attention for a day and a half when he'd yelled it loud enough for a ballroom full of people to hear. He saw red and turned to do something rash (like break Hammer's nose) when he felt a strong hand on his wrist. Tony twisted around to snap at Nat when she pulled him in for a kiss. Suddenly, swift and blinding vengeance didn't seem quite so important.

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - Steve Rogers loses a bet with Tony, now he was at Tony's every beck and call. Steve and Tony's relationship is strained as it is, he's not sure it'll make it through this. Tony was milking it for what it was worth; making him wear the maid outfit, making him pick up things he dropped, fetching him drinks. Then Tony goes ahead and calls him "bitch boy" He expected to be fuming, insulted, angry, hurt... but Steve finds he actually likes it. Both are shocked. Maybe they'll make it through this feeling closer than ever before.

Make Thyme for what you Love - suggested by @darthbloodorange

@rebelmeg - pepperony, gardening, fluff

@tehroserose - (Steve and Tony friendship fic)- Steve had grown up with the song. A version of the song at least. His mother said it was the only thing the English had given worth a damn. When he heard Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel, he cried. Tony watched the tough soldier break down. And right then, he knew he was going to make the time to do something he had promised himself he would do. He was going to find a picture of Sarah Rogers.

@psychiccatpanda - (pre-Stuckony) - When he'd told Pepper why he had hired BarRo Gardening and Landscape Service to care for the plants in the Tower, she'd laughed so hard she'd almost fallen out of her desk chair. 'BarRo Gardening and Landscape Service: Lettuce take care of your plants! Our prices and services can't be beet! We also offer sage advice on selecting the best plants for any office environment.' "They offer sage advice, Pep! How am I supposed to resist that?"

@somesortofitalianroast - Bruce wants to start a garden and put beehives on the top of Stark Tower. Tony reluctantly agrees. Bucky thinks it would be a good idea if he helps. The garden starts out small, mostly herbs and a few easier to care for plants, and grows as Bucky grows more confident in his gardening skills.

@huntress79 - (Stuckony modern AU) At first, Tony hadn't understood why both Steve and Bucky handed him a pot with what turned out to be a thyme plant right before shipping out to their last tour. Sure, it had a nice smell, and wasn't that hard to look after (JARVIS turned out to be as diligent as an auxiliary gardener as in everything else). But then, the plants become so much more - for Tony, it's a promise from "his" soldiers to come back to him. For Steve and Bucky, it's proof that Tony takes care of it - and of himself, despite their absence.

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - Steve was sceptical when Bruce approached him with the idea of 'Therapeutic Gardening', but he trusted the man and went along with it. He admits it was nice to put aside some time for something that wasn't reports, training, team-building, or learning this new world. Something that wasn't work, something that didn't feel like this uphill battle that he had to fight alone. Unlike everything else in his schedule, he didn't have to work himself up to taking care of his plants. It became a thing after missions, for Steve to sit by his plants and water them, to confide in them. He slowly grows his collection over the months. But he starts to notice new plants in his collection, ones he didn't get himself, but he tends to them anyway. ~ Tony has been trying to look after the plants Bruce gave him, really. But will all the work on his plate he often forgets. But he tries. He notices some of his plants going missing. Plants that he was sure weren't dead the last time he checked on them, which might not be saying much... But he's sure someone has been stealing his plants. And he's going to find out who. ~ Bruce loves gardening, there were so many benefits it offered. It became a personal mission of his to get as many people into gardening as he could. However, he understands that maybe gardening wasn't everyone's thing. Bruce understands when Tony can't keep up with the maintenance of his plants. But he wasn't going to sit around and watch them suffer. So he gathers up those of Tony's plants that need a little more love and slips them into Steve's collection. ------------- (Tags: Accidental Matchmaking, Idiots in Love, Gardening, Team as Family)

Speak of the Devil - suggested by @psychiccatpanda

@somesortofitalianroast - Lucifer crossover : Tony had heard the expression so many times, in multiple languages. “Speak of Devil and he shall appear.” He just never expected it to literally happen.

@rebelmeg - tags: hades and persephone au, greek mythology, merchant of death, unlikely lovers (i'm imagining it pepperony, but it could go a lot of ways)

@tehroserose - Tony was going to kill... well, when he figured out who had left that magical artifact behind, he was going to kill them. Because apparently, and why hadn't Thor been there earlier to tell them this?, the first dead person mentioned in front of the artifact came back. Temporarily, but who knew for how long? And guess what? Steve had mentioned Howard. Actually, Tony wanted to kill Steve for that, except he'd never breathed a word near Steve of what Howard was really like. He hadn't wanted to ruin Howard in Steve's eyes, for Steve's sake. Now Howard was going to ruin himself in those eyes. Tony braced himself as the mean, belittling words that he'd thought he wouldn't have to hear in that voice again came thundering into his ears.

@psychiccatpanda - Tony believed in science not all the hocus pocus the sorority sisters had been whispering about in not-so-hushed tones in the library while he and Rhodey had been trying to study. "I heard if you look in a mirror and say his name three times, he'll appear to kill your worst enemy." Pft - ridiculous. He'd prove there wasn't anything to that stupid urban legend.

@darthbloodorange - [Pre-Stuckony] - Steve and Tony never talked about Howard. Ever. It was probably one of few things that keep their tenuous friendship moving along smoothly. but then Bucky came into the picture... and seemed to have a lot to say about Howard. Things started to click together, suddenly he was seeing the full picture. Howard always was an ass. Steve wasn't choosing not to talk about him out of respect for Tony, he didn't talk about Howard because the man was unpleasant to talk about. Tony listened, totally enthralled and vindicated, as Bucky regaled him with tailed of his father. About all the times Howard discredited Steve's intelligence in front of high-ranking Military figureheads, pressured him into testing, belittled Steve for his time in the USO, and ignored Bucky existence as he was just "Steve's tiresome tag-along pup" Turns out the three of them had a lot more in common than he'd initially thought. ------------- (Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Give Everyone A Damn Hug, Still Salty at Howard in that CA:FA Deleted Scene)

#tonystarkbingomarkiv #tsbmiv #tsb discord party #party games #title prompt game #lemon

6 notes · View notes