#j. j. mcavoy
“Vannak emberek, akiket a világ mozgat, és vannak, akik maguk mozgatják a világot.”
J. J. McAvoy
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If the actors themselves ship their characters, who am I to argue? Headcannon accepted!
It has been confirmed that every single one of these gentlemen sail their ships!!! And bless them all for it 🥰⭐️♥️
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Challenge, Alphabet of Crushes:
Pretty self explanatory, just list your biggest crushes of past and present to each letter. I tag @impossiblepeggy @little-bloodied-angel @geebs96 @airasora @thenamelessdoll @confettipetticoats @2009jorose @animagix101 @night130
A= Amalthea (The Last Unicorn)
B= Belle (Beauty and the Beast)
C= Christine (The Phantom of the Opera)
D= Dorian Grey (the picture of Dorian Grey)
E= Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
F= Frodo (The Lord of the Rings)
G= Granger, Hermione (Harry Potter) *Emma Waston I actually like for her, the character meh, but more roles lately make me really like Emma Waston more, just Hermione was my first role I really liked her*
H= Hemidall (Thor)
I= Inara (Firefly+Serenity)
J= Jasmine (Aladdin)
K= Kala (Sense8)
L= Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe)
M= Merlin (BBC Merlin)
N= Nomi+ Amanita (Sense8) *I could not choose one as both are amazing*
O= Original Hex Girls (Scooby-Doo! and the Witch's Ghost) *mainly Thorn (center) and Luna(right side)*
P= Padme (Star Wars)
Q= Queen of Wonderland, White Queen, or Mirana of Marmorea (Alice in Wonderland) *mostly like her for she is played by Anna Hathaway and BONUS looks like a live action Amalthea*
R= Rose (Titanic)
S= She-Hulk (1996’s Incredible Hulk: Animated Series) *Cree Summer too a crush*
T= Tara (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
U= Underworld Persephone (Percy Jackson and the Lighting Thief)
V= Vampire Mina (Bram Stoker Dracula) *mention honestly wanted to find a way to mention Winona Ryder as such a huge crush, plus Winona in red dress so beautiful*
W= Wonder Woman (DC Comics, yet mostly Gal Gadot version)
X= Xavier, Charles (Marvel Comics, yet James McAvoy version, and yes I do not mind if someone needs a wheelchair)
Y= Yum-Yum (The Thief and the Cobbler)
Z= Zoe (Firefly+Serenity) * and Wash, as both have such an adorable relationship*
It is very apparent to me I have a type in both women and men. As well, yes, I still have major crushes on the live action character's thespian. I mean dang I was not expecting such types, but one of my friends did observe I tend to like Jewish, Middle Eastern, French, and Indian women, and men twinks XD (often Untied Kingdom). Dyed hair not picky on gender though, as a good look all around.
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My favorite NHL friendships that are not up for debate or discussion, with no explanations bc they aren’t necessary
(may add to this later on)
Swayman & Ullmark - Boston Bruins (ft. Blades)
Bergeron & Marchand - Boston Bruins
Krejci & Pastrnak - Boston Bruins
Grzelcyk & McAvoy - Boston Bruins
Pastrnak & Lindholm - Boston Bruins
Forbort & Clifton - Boston Bruins
Frederic & Coyle - Boston Bruins
Hall & Smith - Boston Bruins (rip) & Washington Capitals
Kreider & Zibanejad - New York Rangers
Panarin & Tarasenko - New York Rangers
Lingren & Fox - New York Rangers
Zegras & J. Hughes - Anaheim Ducks & New Jersey Devils
Barzal & Beauvillier - (rip) New York Islanders & Vancouver Canucks
Matthews & Marner - Toronto Maple Leafs
Gaudreau & M. Tkachuk - Columbus Blue Jackets & Florida Panthers
Drysdale & Zegras - Anaheim Ducks
Q. Hughes & Pettersson - Vancouver Canucks
Kaprizov & Zuccarello - Minnesota Wild
Thank you and goodnight.
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Face Claim List
Below the cut, you will find our list of face claims featured on our canon list. Enjoy this sneak peak at what is coming your way when the canon lists start being released this week!
FC List:
Abigail Cowen
Aishwarya Rai Bachchan
Amita Suman
Amy Adams
Ana de Armas
André De Shields
Andrew Garfield
Angela Bassett
Anna Kendrick
Anne Hathaway
Anthony Anderson
Anthony Mackie
Anya Chalotra
Anya Taylor Joy
Aja Naomi King
Avan Jogia
Avantika
Audra McDonald
Austin Butler
Beanie Feldstein
Ben Barnes
Beyoncé
BD Wong
Bette Midler
Caleb McLaughlin
Camila Mendes
Catherine O'Hara
Charles Melton
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Chloe Bennet
Chloe Bailey
Christina Hendricks
Christina Nadin
Chrissy Metz
Cody Christian
Constance Wu
Courtney Eaton
Dakota Johnson
Danai Gurira
Daniel Ezra
Daniel Wu
Danny Trejo
David Harbour
Deepika Padukone
Denzel Washington
Dev Patel
Diana Silvers
Diane Keaton
Dianna Agron
Dove Cameron
Dylan O'Brien
Eddie Redmayne
Eiza González
Emily Alyn Lind
Eva Longoria
Ewan McGregor
Fan Bingbing
Felix Mallard
Florence Pugh
Froy Gutierrez
Gabrielle Union
Gemma Chan
George Takei
Gillian Anderson
Gina Rodriguez
Gina Torres
Hailee Steinfeld
Halle Bailey
Harrison Ford
Harry Shum JR
Harry Styles
Henry Cavill
Hero Fiennes Tiffin
Hunter Schafer
Hugh Jackman
Idris Elba
J. Cameron-Smith
Jacob Artist
Jacob Elordi
Jameela Jamil
James McAvoy
Jamie Chung
Jamie Lee Curtis
Jasmin Savoy Brown
Jason Momoa
Jason Sudekis
Jean Smart
Jeff Goldblum
Jeffrey Wright
Jenna Ortega
Jensen Ackles
Jesse Williams
Jessica Chastain
JK Simmons
Joe Locke
John Boyega
John Cho
John Krasinski
Jon Hamm
Jonathan Bailey
Jordan Connor
Jordan Peele
Julianne Moore
Justice Smith
Kate Winslet
Kathryn Hahn
Kathryn Newton
Keanu Reeves
Keith Powers
Keke Palmer
Kerry Washington
Kit Connor [1]
Kit Connor [2]
KJ Apa
Kristen Bell
Kumail Nanjiani
Lana Condor
Laura Harrier
Lauren Ridloff
Leonardo DiCaprio
Letita Wright
Lili Reinhart
Liv Hewson
Logan Browning
Logan Lerman
Loretta Devine
Lupita Nyong'o
Mädchen Amick
Madelyn Cline
Madison Bailey
Mahershala Ali
Manny Jacinto
Manny Montana
Margot Robbie
Mark Consuelos
Mark Hamill
Mario Lopez
Mason Gooding
Maude Apatow
Megan thee Stallion
Melanie Lynskey
Melissa Barrera
Michael Cimino
Michael Evans Behling
Michael Fassbender
Michael Peña
Michael Shannon
Michelle Yeoh
Morgan Freeman
Naomi Scott
Natalia Dyer
Natasha Liu Bordizzo
Nina Dobrev
Noah Centineo
Normani
Octavia Spencer
Olivia Coleman
Olivia Rodrigo
Oscar Isaac
Paul Rudd
Pedro Pascal
Phoebe Deynover
Phoebe Tonkin
Phylicia Rashad
Priyanka Chopra
Rachel Weisz
Rachel Zegler
Rahul Kohli
Reese Witherspoon
Regé-Jean Page
Renee Rapp [1]
Renee Rapp [2]
Riz Ahmed
Robert Pattinson
Robert Downey JR
Rome Flynn
Rosamund Pike
Rose Byrne
Rudy Pankow
Ryan Gosling
Ryan Guzman
Ryan Reynolds
Sadie Sink
Sam Claflin
Samantha Logan
Samara Weaving
Sandra Bullock
Sandra Oh
Sara Ramirez
Sarah Jeffrey
Sarah Paulson
Sebastian Stan
Selena Gomez
Sigourney Weaver
Simu Liu
Shawn Mendes
Skeet Ulrich
Sophia Ali
Sophia Bush
Sophie Turner
Sonam Kapoor
Sophie Thatcher
Sterling K. Brown
Steve Martin
Steven Yeun
Storm Reid
Sydney Sweeney [1]
Sydney Sweeney [2]
Taika Waititi
Tati Gabrielle
Taraji P. Henson
Taron Egerton
Taye Diggs
Taylor Zakhar Perez
Ted Danson
Timothée Chalamet
Thomas Doherty
Tom Blyth
Tom Ellis
Tom Hardy
Tom Holland
Tony Goldwyn
Tyler James Williams
Tyler Posey
Uzo Adubo
Victoria Pedretti
Viola Davis
Whoopi Goldberg
Wolfgang Novogratz
Will Smith
Willem Dafoe
William Jackson Harper
Winona Ryder
Winston Duke
Yasmin Finney
Zayn Malik
Zendaya
Zoey Deutch
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Jane Doe files an Assault, Libel, and Slander suit against Johnny Rees / Greg Ellis / Jonathan Rees
src
Disclaimer: To view more detailed case files, you need to log in. On the account log in page it gave me this message about misuse outside of court proceedings. Therefore, I will post any court cases surrounding Greg as long as it is available for public access.
These screenshots are the public version that is available.
Transcription under the cut
Heading: Doe vs. Rees
Plaintiff: Jane Doe
Defendant: Jonathan Rees, Greg Ellis and Jonny Rees
Case Number: 3:2023cv01352
Filed: October 31st, 2023
Court: US District Court for the Northern District of New York
Presiding Judge: Miroslav Lovric
Referring Judge: Thomas J McAvoy
Nature of Suit: Assault Libel & Slander
Cause of Action: 28 United States Code Section 1391 Personal Injury
Jury Demanded By: Plaintiff
Table Heading: Date Filed & Document Text
November 1, 2023
TEXT NOTICE OF FILING DEFICIENCY as to Jane Doe regarding the #1 Complaint NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN of the following Filing Deficiency: ATTORNEY ALLISON MAHONEY - Attorney address contained in the documents does not match the NYND attorney admission records. Counsel is directed to update their information in PACER within 3 days from this notice. Notice of Filing Deficiency Deadline 11/6/2023 (hmr)
TEXT NOTICE: The Initial Conference set for 1/31/2024 at 2:30PM before Magistrate Judge Miroslav Lovric, via Microsoft Teams Teleconferencing. The Courtroom Deputy will send a teams link to the parties to participate. (jdc)
CLERK'S CORRECTION OF DOCKET ENTRY re #1 Complaint: Clerk added "Filing fee $402 receipt number ANYNDC-6496757" to this docket entry. (hmr)
October 31st. 2023
Filing 4 G.O. 25 FILING ORDER ISSUED: Initial Conference set for 1/31/2024 at 02:30 PM via Telephone Conference before Magistrate Judge Miroslav Lovric. Civil Case Management Plan must be filed and Mandatory Disclosures are to be exchanged by the parties on or before 1/24/2024. (Pursuant to Local Rule 26.2, mandatory disclosures are to be exchanged among the parties but are NOT to be filed with the Court.) (hmr)
Filing 3 Summons Issued as to Jonathan Rees. (hmr)
Filing 2 MOTION FOR LEAVE TO APPEAR ANONYMOUSLY filed by Jane Doe. (Attachments: #1 Declaration of Jane Doe, #2 Proposed Order) Motions referred to Miroslav Lovric. (hmr)
Filing 1 COMPLAINT with Jury Demand against Jonathan Rees filed by Jane Doe. (Filing fee $402 receipt number ANYNDC-6496757)(Attachments: #1 Civil Cover Sheet)(hmr) Modified on 11/1/2023 (hmr).
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i'm watching split [on netflix] and i just have to say j..james m..mcavoy.. 😵💫
james is so hot man ... especially when he's speaking w his native accent
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wolf n fire emojis
🐺 Build a NHL starting line up (3F, 2D, 1G) based on a really weird criteria for comedic effect (e.g. guys with names that sound like Dylan).
again, idk what it says about my brain but the first thing i thought of was guys who don’t actually replace an empty toilet roll, they just stack the new one on top or sit it on the counter 😅
f: t konecny, j guentzel, j hughes
d: c mcavoy, v dunn
g: c hart
🔥 Give me an unpopular opinion on hockey. Preferably Hot Takes (not serious).
if you’re going to walk into a game with something silly, you have to sit down and explain it on social media 😤 yes this is about you tb17 (that was the only thing i could think of)
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Whumpees (actors)
All the actors on this blog (so far):
Search for the name or use this link and add the name you're looking for https://whump-collector.tumblr.com/tagged/
I use the tag compilation for posts with several whumpees.
a: aaron ashmore - aaron tveit - adam palsson - adarsh gourav - aidan turner - alex o'loughlin - alexander dreymon - ali tarik findik - allison scagliotti - andreas pietschmann - andrew j. west
b: ben levin - benedict cumberbatch - brian austin green - burc kümbetlioglu
c: callum turner - channing tatum - charlie cox - charlie hunnam - charlie vickers - chris pine - christian bale - christipher egan - colin farrell - colin morgan - colin o'donoghue
d: dan lewis - daniel craig - daniel sharman - david boreanaz - david dastmalchian - david tennant - david wenham - diego klattenhoff - diego luna - dirk benedict - dominic cooper - drake rodger
e: engin akyürek - eric christian olsen - ewan mcgregor
f: freddie stroma - freddy carter
g: gael garcia bernal - gavin drea - giacomo gianniotti - guy pearce
h: halil ibrahim ceyhan - harold perrineau - henry cavill - henry golding - hisham tawfiq - hugh dancy - hunter doohan
i: iain de caestecker - ian somerhalder - iko uwais
j: jack bannon - jack davenport - jack martin - jack quaid - jake mclaughlin - james mcavoy - james spader - james wolk - jared padalecki - jason isaacs - jay hernandez - jd pardo - jenna ortega - jensen ackles - jeremy allen white - jim sturgess - joe flanigan - joe gilgun - joe keery - joel kinnaman - john cho - john cusack - john reardon - jon bernthal - jonas nay - jonny harris - jordan bridges - joshua jackson - jude law - julian morris
k: karl urban - keegan allen - kevin alejandro - kiefer sutherland - kit harington
l: lee pace - liam hemsworth - lucas till - luke evans - luke mitchell
m: mark hamill - mark waschke - markus brandl - martin henderson - martin shaw - martin wallström - matt barr - matt bomer - matt czuchry - matt lanter - matt smith - max thieriot - megan boone - mel gibson - michael fassbender - michael hurst - michael shanks - michael sheen - michael weatherly - mike farrell - milos bikovic
n: nathan fillion - nathan parsons - nicholas galitzine - nikolaj coster waldau - noah centineo
o: oliver rayon - oscar isaac
p: pablo schreiber - paul bettany - paul hassall - pedro pascal - pio marmai
r: raj yadav - rami malek - richard armitage - richard harmon - richard madden - rish shah - robert downey jr - robert james-collier - robert kazinsky - robin lord taylor - rodger corser - rupert evans - rupert penry jones - russell crowe - ryan guzman - ryan kelley - ryan reynolds
s: sabin tambrea - sam riley - santiago cabrera - scott caan - sean bean - sebastian stan - shawn ashmore - simon baker - stanley tucci - stephen amell - steve burton
t: thomas elms - thomas gibson - tim dekay - tim roth - timothy granaderos - tobey maguire - tolga saritas - tom austen - tom ellis - tom holland - tom payne - tom riley - tom sturridge - torrance coombs
y: yon gonzalez
z: zach mcgowan - zeeko za
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aries sun aries moon: leighton meester, randall park, anya taylor-joy , jenny slate
aries sun taurus moon: diana ross, quentin tarantino, robert downey jr. , keira knightley, saoirse ronan , elton john
aries sun gemini moon: bette davis, jackie chan , sterling k brown
aries sun cancer moon: chaka khan, emma thompson, natasha lyonne, aretha franklin
aries sun leo moon: gloria steinem , rani mukerji
aries sun virgo moon: leona lewis ,elle fanning , perez hilton , james franco
aries sun libra moon: maya angelou , steven tyler, kristen stewart, claire danes , ilana glazer
aries sun scorpio moon: eddie murphy, lady gaga, hayden christensen
aries sun sagittarius moon: robin wright, cynthia nixon, america ferrera
aries sun capricorn moon: billie holiday, sarah jessica parker, julia stiles, eric andre , reese witherspoon , david tennant
aries sun aquarius moon: christopher walken , ashley judd, lake bell , keegan michael key , steve mcqueen
aries sun pisces moon: ali wong , rob mcelhenney
taurus sun aries moon: malcom x , janet jackson, cate blanchette , dev patel
taurus sun taurus moon: iggy pop , katherine hepburn, kelly clarkson
taurus sun gemini moon: ella fitzgerald , amber tamblyn
taurus sun cancer moon: penelope cruz, robert pattinson , lena dunham , jemima kirk
taurus sun leo moon: queen elizabeth II , barbara streisand , renee zellweger , megan fox
taurus sun virgo moon: channing tatum, michelle phieffer , laurence olivier
taurus sun libra moon: grace jones ,tina fey, rosario dawson , amber heard
taurus sun scorpio moon: wes anderson , mark zuckerberg , bono
taurus sun sagittarius moon: al pacino, adele
taurus sun capricorn moon:
taurus sun aquarius moon: jessica lange , james mcavoy , dianna agron
taurus sun pisces moon: jerry seinfield, audrey hepburn , kehlani
gemini sun aries moon: tupac, angelina jolie , russel brand
gemini sun taurus moon: bob dylan, amy schumer, michael j fox
gemini sun gemini moon: brooke shields, leelee sobieski
gemini sun cancer moon: nancy sinatra, patti labelle
gemini sun leo moon: helena bonhom carter, clint eastwood , gotye
gemini sun virgo moon: jfk , natalie portman, courtney cox
gemini sun libra moon: annette benning, adriana lima
gemini sun scorpio moon: alanis morisette , john wayne , miles davis
gemini sun sagittarius moon: nicole kidman, naomi campbell, tom holland
gemini sun capricorn moon: stevie nicks, johnny depp, awkwafina
gemini sun aquarius moon: marilyn monroe, octavia spencer
gemini sun pisces moon: juliette lewis, kanye west
cancer sun aries moon: milo ventimiglio, michelle branch , nick offerman
cancer sun taurus moon: meryl streep, lindsay lohan
cancer sun gemini moon: frida kahlo , 50 cent, aubrey plaza
cancer sun cancer moon: george orwell, courtney love, jack white, ed westwick
cancer sun leo moon: lana del rey , kris kristofferson
cancer sun virgo moon: hope sandoval , suzanne vega , elon musk
cancer sun libra moon: nikola tesla , michelle rodriguez , topher grace , sylvester stallone
cancer sun scorpio moon: john cusack, lizzy kaplan, kali uchis
cancer sun sagittarius moon: kevin hart , judy greer
cancer sun capricorn moon: carly simon , liv tyler
cancer sun aquarius moon: princess diana , toby maguire
cancer sun pisces moon: diane kruger , robin williams
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Mcavoy gently patting that j*ts' head to see if he was okay, charlie "best boy" allegations are founded I fear...
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So Patrick Dempsey is the Sexiest Man Alive? When did Jensen Ackles, Riz Ahmed, Omar Ayuso, Jonathan Bailey, Antonio Banderas, Jon Bernthal, Henry Cavill, Chace Crawford, Carlos Cuevas, Itzan Escamilla, Luke Evans, Colin Farrell, Michael Fassbender, Philip Fusco, David Gandy, Brett Goldstein, Jake Gyllenhaal, Tom Hardy, Kit Harington, Ethan Hawke, the Hemsworth brothers, Sam Heughan, Tyler Hoechlin, Tom Hopper, Michiel Huisman, Oscar Isaac, Theo James, Gus Kenworthy, Joel Kinnaman, Luke Macfarlane, Richard Madden, James McAvoy, Jason Momoa, Viggo Mortensen, Timothy Olyphant, Jared Padalecki, Lee Pace, Regé-Jean Page, Pedro Pascal, Chris Pine, Alan Ritchson, Brian J. Smith, Sebastian Stan, Fabricio Ternes, Max Thieriot, Russell Tovey, Aidan Turner, Karl Urban, Jeremy Allen White, and Taylor Zakhar Perez die?
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The Montgomery Family
Hades : Oil Tycoons
CONTENT WARNING: DRUG ADDICTION, INFERTILITY
The Montgomery family, a bastion of old money and influence in the realm of oil sales, has seen the rise and fall of many financial dynasties and somehow still holds on. Once a shining beacon of wealth and prosperity, it is not without a few stumbles along the way that has led the Montgomery family to lose some of its shine in the higher circles of New York City.
First Montgomery (75) brought the company to greatness and helped solidify the family legacy within oil sales, with his legacy matched only by his wife, the illustrious First Callahan (73), a retired three time Academy Award winning actress. Together they had six children, raising First Montgomery (52) to take over the family business from the moment he was old enough to conceptualize what the oil industry was - but unfortunately he could not handle the pressure and after taking the business over from his father, within two years he faced a tumultuous downfall due to drug addiction. Supported by his resilient wife, First Montgomery (51), he continues to strive for redemption in the eyes of his father, his wife, his two daughters, and the public at large.
The eldest daughter, First Harris-Montgomery (50) took over the mantle as CEO of the company and all of the challenges that come from being a woman in charge of a male dominated industry. Facing her own trials at home with problems of infertility and the overwhelming desire with to be a mother, she and her husband First Harris (51) turned to adoption in the early years of their marriage, raising a son and a daughter now in their twenties. First Montgomery (48) has also made a splash in the headlines, both for his successes in architecture and for his newly public engagement to First Harrington (39), at the urging of his father to try and secure more stability for the family’s ever changing financial and social status.
Behind him are three sisters: First Montgomery (45), a successful political news correspondent, First Montgomery (40), a middle school teacher, and First Montgomery (38), a former prima ballerina turned studio owner and choreographer in New York City. The three daughters have seemingly been able to escape the familial pressure to go into the family business, though it hasn’t been without personal difficulty from their father.
First Montgomery: 75 Years Old, Retired Heir and CEO of Montgomery Oil, Mark Hamill, Available
+ First Callahan: 73 Years Old, Retired Actress, J. Cameron-Smith, Available
First Montgomery: 52 Years Old, Unemployed, (Disgraced) Former CEO of Montgomery Oil, Jensen Ackles, Available
+ First Montgomery: 51 Years Old, Open Occupation, Amy Adams, Available
----- First Montgomery, 24 Years Old, Open Occupation, Dove Cameron, Available
----- First Montgomery, 22 Years Old, Open Occupation, Emily Alyn Lind, Available
First Harris-Montgomery: 50 Years Old, CEO of Montgomery Oil, Rose Byrne, Available
+ First Harris: 51 Years Old, Open Occupation, John Cho, Available
----- First Harris: 25 Years Old, Open Occupation, Noah Centineo, Available *
----- First Harris: 22 Years Old, Open Occupation, Olivia Rodrigo, Available *
* Note: Harris (25) and Harris (22) are both adopted.
First Montgomery: 48 Years Old, Architect, James McAvoy, Available *
* Note: Montgomery (48) is engaged to Harrington (39)
Alyson Montgomery: 45 Years Old, Political News Correspondent, Sophia Bush, Played by Trav
First Montgomery: 40 Years Old, Middle School Teacher, Anna Kendrick, Available
First Montgomery: 38 Years Old, Ex Prima Ballerina, Choreographer/Studio Owner, Phoebe Tonkin, Played by Evy
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I Can’t Imagine It
PLEASE DON’T REBLOG THIS.
I’m on the asexual spectrum. Clearly, I’m not sex-repulsed or aromantic (my son actually called me HYPER-romantic right before Thanksgiving). I write love stories and am happily married and used to have a blog people in a kink community paid attention to. But I never had a sexual dream or fantasy that most people would consider a sexual dream or fantasy until I met J. Literally not one ever that involved ‘sex.’ Not penis-in-vagina, not oral, not even third base. Not once. Ever.
Know what I did think about and fantasize about and dream about all the time though? Being touched...held in someone’s arms and hands. Like full blown, elaborate, erotic fantasy about like...holding hands. About sleeping with someone’s arm over me; someone winding their fingers over my kneecap or around my ankle as I sat next to them with my legs tucked under me on the couch. Someone brushing a stray hair from my face and tucking it behind my ear, holding my cheek or my chin and gently guiding me to eye contact with them. I know that colors all the fiction I write. I know that’s why my romance reads differently than other romances do. It’s because even when I’m getting into eroticism and carnality it looks like...these touches. And I think it’s one of those intangible, underlying ‘reasons’ for the kinks I have. Why is my sex fantasy getting tied up? Because it’s someone’s hands touching me all over and then touching me more to where I can’t run away from it. Because I don’t want to run away from it. I want it. But a lifetime of touch and affection starvation even still drives me to instinctively run from being touched or shown affection. I want it. Badly. Crave it. Pine for it. Am greedy for it. But I still want to run because all of my social conditioning told me that touching MUST lead to sex...the kind of sex I never thought about, even in idle fantasy or sleeping unconscious.
I’ve always been drawn to images of hands showing care and affection; images of couples holding each other; hugs; holding hands. I remember when I first got on Tumblr there was a post or two bouncing around about the sexiest love scene in mainstream cinema or something and people I liked brought up that scene in Atonement with James McAvoy and Keira Knightley in the library (admittedly hot scene with hot people) or the one in Bull Durham with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon where he just fucking shoves the milk off the table and they go at it (one of my all time favorite films). And I know way back when Leo DiCaprio was actually young and dating at least almost age appropriate women and everyone age 12-99 was swooning over Jack in Titanic, my friends all talked about the naked drawing and hiding in the car, but to me the only sexy scene in the whole long-ass movie was this one:
And my answer to the ‘sexiest love scene’ question I guess isn’t really a love scene. The two characters don’t even touch each other’s skin with their own skin at all. And the movie’s not on anyone’s ‘best of’ lists, either, not even mine. But damn...is this scene sexy as fuck (to me, anyway):
My fantasies are still driven by the intimate touch of careful, curious, loving hands. They’re still about being held. They’re still not even usually about fucking or kink (even though they are sometimes now with J). When I see film and TV and art showing (for lack of a better word) chaste affection, that still gets my motor running more than everything else; the same stuff I was ‘into’ when I was 10, 15, 21...before I knew J and when I was still running away. I still reblog images of holding hands and being held and tiny little kisses. I still write about those things when I write romantic love, way more than I write Sexy Sex. Because that’s what winds my clock. And as I sat yesterday afternoon, waiting to pick up my son from school, watching a film alone with the dog on the couch, and saw Ewan McGregor holding Julia Roberts while they slept, I fantasized again about just being held, and I realized...even before I knew him...I was always dreaming about J’s hands.
When I dated other boys and young men, and had romantic fantasies, it was never their hands holding me; touching my face; touching my skin. When I saw fiction and art, I was never imagining the artist, the actor, the writer’s fingers on my skin; it was never their arms around me. It was always this mystical, maybe nonexistent, invented and imagined pair of hands. Until I met J. They’ve always been J’s hands in the dreams and fantasies. When I look at Leonardo DiCaprio or Josh Hartnett or Ewan McGregor or some random black and white stylized ‘couple’ photo here, I don’t see that guy, I see J. And he’s not holding Kate Winslet or Shannyn Sossamon or Julia Roberts or the girl in the photograph. He’s holding me.
It’s always been J. Life and history and reality have shown me repeatedly that a lot of the things I believed when I was young are false, but I do still believe in something outside of practical reality because I’ve always dreamed about J’s hands. We’ve been together a long time now, but this isn’t just settled comfort that’s made me forget other dudes. I mean literally...it’s always been J. 15 year old Jen who didn’t know J existed in reality fantasized about J’s hands touching me the way J has always touched me. I’ve always wanted J’s hands touching me. I’ve always wanted J to hold me. I don’t even dream about anyone else’s hands. I never have. I can’t imagine it.
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