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faelapis · 4 years

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what i mean when i say i like jasper’s ending a Lot in terms of “what the character needs”, rather than what the audience needs, is that the transition from “fragments”, to “homeworld bound”, to finally “the future” shows, albeit quickly, a pretty interesting commentary on “want vs need”.

“want vs need” is a pretty basic storytelling concept of, basically, writing flawed characters who have some growing to do as people. they “want” one thing, but they actually “need” another thing.

so let’s talk about jasper’s “want” vs “need”.

cont: but you are not my diamond. if you think you’re hard enough to tell me what to do, fight me and prove it.

she makes her “want” clear in every episode she’s in SU future - which is that she wants to subjugate herself to a diamond, because that’s the only worthwhile purpose in life she’s known.

but we, and steven, don’t actually want that to happen. we know it’s not good for her health. we’ve seen that it’s not, both because hierarchies like those are toxic and because we’ve been shown, specifically for jasper, that it causes her to self-destruct over and over again.

so when it does happen, it’s very fitting that it’s in the worst circumstances possible. she begged for steven to fight her with all his might, over and over again, so he could prove himself a worthy diamond - to the point where he ends up shattering her. and when she’s brought back to life, she’s not even mad at him. he’s proven himself a “worthy” superior.

so we’ve been shown very clearly that jasper’s want is pretty, well, unhealthy for her. she would literally die for it, and get nothing in return except unhealthy, oppressive structures around her. getting everything she wants, at long last, fills her with a kind of void and fragile happiness... which only lasts so long as steven embraces his role as diamond and stays with her.

hence we, and steven, only see her act at peace with her circumstances without complaint for a couple minutes, and it always (both in fragments and homeworld bound) ends in her own heartbreak. that’s the fragility of her “want”.

basically, it’s bad because, albeit she would know what to do with these structures... it would be at the expense of her own agency, character growth and health. it would always end badly for her.

this is a good time to point out the parallels to steven in “mr universe”.

much like jasper, steven doesn’t care if the structures around greg were cruel or oppressive. he never looks closely enough to notice how much greg hated his life. he just wants things he sees as “normal”. he wants guidance, certainty and authority figures to tell him what he’s “supposed” to do in life.

so. how is jasper’s “want” inverted?

much like rose would eventually do with pearl, the unhealthy attachment is cut by giving your subject a very bitter pill - disappearing from their life. by leaving them behind, you’re essentially forcing them to grow.

that’s NOT the main / only reason rose has steven, or steven eventually leaving beach city... but both serve the purpose of making someone who idolized you “deal with” your absence. and that’s certainly at least a part of their intention - rose thought of herself as stuck and likely holding pearl back. steven is horrified by the diamond role and wants jasper to do “something better”.

and that leads us to jasper’s “need” - to be free from these oppressive authority structures and find her own path in life. this would both improve her health & happiness, as well as making her stop engaging in unhealthy behavior towards herself and others.

now. is she fully “there” yet? no.

but i think that as much as her trying to persuade steven to take her with him into the great unknown mirrors pearl - ie “i should be fighting for you, because you’re too important”, her reaction to steven’s reassurance that he will be fine shows that she’s already done more growing than pearl had at that point.

she’s likely been taking classes at little homeworld (where she was confirmed to currently live, NOT just visit to say goodbye to steven) for the preceding months between “i am my monster” and “the future”. she’s somewhere near accepting that her diamond doesn’t need protection. it’s also likely something she started thinking after “fragments” - if your diamond is truly so wonderfully powerful... why would they need your protection? what is your “purpose”? steven defeating her + leaving without her in “homeworld bound” both lead her to the same conclusion - she can’t fail or succeed in protecting him, because he doesn’t need her to.

thus, her role isn’t warranted.

“i can protect myself”. “i know... farewell, my diamond”.

it’s pretty significant to me that at the end of their little scene, steven doesn’t run away or give jasper any orders to stop following him. SHE leaves, albeit sadly, because she agrees with him. he can take care of himself.

jasper’s still framing steven as a diamond / superior, but... i think a big point here is that she’s someone who was so firmly stuck at the bottom of a pit of self-hatred, isolation and meaninglessness that she couldn’t unstuck herself - not without being pushed to do so. which ended up also being true for steven.

that’s the irony of the double-edged sword of her “want” - in a way, she’s right about one thing. she can’t just magically get better on her own.

i think the episode “guidance” illustrates an interesting balance between steven and amethyst’s philosophies - amethyst would rather gems do whatever, even if they end up slipping back into their old patterns. steven would rather guide them towards challenging themselves, even if that means dismissing their autonomy.

jasper... kinda gets both? her “want” and “need” play into each other in interesting ways. i’ve been framing her want as a negative a lot, but it does have an interesting silver lining - she had to get what she wanted (to be defeated, to be given a diamond), to be pushed to what she needed.

and in turn, steven needed to listen to and adapt to HER, in order to help her. only after doing that, after being pushed by jasper in turn and truly giving her what she wants, even if it tears you apart mentally... would she ever listen to you. as steven is probably used to by now.

and despite the tragedy of it, i think that’s... kind of an okay thing to show? because not everyone will seek help on their own. it’s not the uplifting message of “anyone who needs help will eventually realize it entirely on their own”, but it IS the hopeful message of “even people who refuse help, deserve help”.

there’s horror in steven ultimately adapting to jasper’s desires, because it shows them both the fragility of their wants - for steven, being able to control jasper was a horrifying consequence. he got what he “wanted” in the worst way possible. for jasper, getting what she “wanted” meant being forced to let it (steven) go in favor of staying at little homeworld.

but honestly... we already knew that jasper would never seek help on her own. she’s too “selfless”, in the toxic sense. purpose matters most.

and she’s not alone in that.

“pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. she put rose quartz over everything; over logic, over consequence, over her own life.”

pearl taking rose down from that pedestal was a slow, elaborate, exhausting process that took years of actively working on herself. the majority of that work was only done after rose was gone.

jasper’s gonna have all the same tools - a genuine support network, people who are willing to both empathize and teach a better way, distance from her romanticized superior, and her own desire to get better.

the latter point, at first, because she’s told to. but as we saw in “little homeschool”, leaving her to her own devices without any “worthwhile” path forward wasn’t ideal. her “want”, much like amethyst said... still deserves to be listened to, even if she still thinks like a homeworld gem.

but the seriousness of such an effort is, as pearl taking care of steven “for rose” and then “for him” and finally growing to do things “for herself” shows, a good avenue for REAL growth. jasper may soon yet grow for her own sake.

and the results... again, pulling pearl as my example, can be remarkable.

as i’ve said before... i am pretty sad we won’t actually get to see more of that. that’s what “the audience” may have felt they needed from jasper. the same way i’m sure rose would find it bittersweet to know how much pearl has grown without her. the same way you’re sad whenever you don’t see a character you love find love and happiness onscreen, even if it’s implied...

but in a show told from steven’s perspective, i think there is some point to that.

i’ve come around to the following: she couldn’t go with him. any forgiving hugs steven & jasper could’ve given each other at this point would’ve been hollow. that power dynamic would’ve been in the way. what they “need” is not each other. they need people who really, truly understand them, and to figure out what they want in their lives when steven doesn’t have someone to save emotionally (jasper), and jasper doesn’t have someone to sacrifice herself for (steven).

(...and it’s at this point you realize i made you read ALL OF THAT mainly to justify why pearl and jasper’s relationship is gonna be such a central thing in my post-canon fanfic. lol. anyway here’s the link again.)

#steven universe #su future #jasper #steven #pearl #amethyst #long post /#su theory #gif /

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cometcalloway · 3 years

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MUN AND MUSE QUESTIONS

List 5 of your muse’s favourite sensations.

A ‘sleeping in on a snow day’ level of comfort and safety

Winning

Acceptance, forgiveness, companionship

Magic healing

Novelty

Do they have any pet peeves?

Sparrow used to do occasional scribe work. I think if he was working on this one particular page & the parchment kept coming undone and trying to curl up no matter how many times he fixed it, that would destroy him psychologically a little. I feel like small annoyances can build into big things pretty quickly sometimes, with Sparrow, especially if he feels trapped in some way and doesn’t have the option to just remove himself from the situation & do something else.

Rook is like. Rather than being someone with a critical streak, it’s more that he’s a critic who has the occasional streak of another thing. He’s intentional enough to usually avoid believing his critical thoughts as fact in an automatic and unquestioning way, but his internal monologue definitely gives him a lot of information about things that ‘should’ be done better or differently. He’s the most harsh with himself, of course.

Their comfort read? (could be a book, magazine, comics, etc)

From an answer to an earlier meme:

Sparrow projects onto female characters in the absence of nonbinary characters that fit his vibe more exactly. Books and stories grab his attention when a female mc is powerful, wants things, and is maybe a little bit feral, even if she hides it well. She doesn’t have have noble morals, and she doesn’t have to win; there are tragedies he wouldn’t enjoy, but tragedies he very much would. He’s drawn by dark & intense themes bc like, he’s working through some things.

Rook likes history and nonfiction. He doesn’t like to introspect and thinks less naturally in terms of ‘like/want’ & more naturally in terms of function; nonfiction has a very clear and straightforward function. You read the book, you get the information. He would be in an uncomfortable position if he read a fiction book and felt moved by the story in a way that conflicted anything in his carefully constructed sense of identity (and he is not sentimental). He isn’t scared of fiction, but eh. There’s nothing in there he wants to get badly enough that it’s worth the mess.

If the book they are reading turns out to be shit, do they push through just for the sake of finishing it, or do they move on and find something else?

It depends on the book, and it depends on what in particular turned out to be shit. If something about the book is dramatically insulting to something Sparrow really cares about, he’s more likely to drop it than keep reading, either to try and enjoy it anyway or to hate read. If the book just isn’t that interesting or just isn’t that well written, he might keep reading just so he has closure on the investment he put into it. He likes to read, so he’s more likely to keep reading if he doesn’t have a lot of options. I feel like Rook might be the opposite? If a book he’s reading turns insulting he might just be like “hmm, we disagree (fortunately I am very large & near invincible)” and keep reading. If the book isn’t interesting, he isn’t sentimental enough to want to ‘pay the cost’ of learning what happens. Now I’m imagining a situation where Rook puts down a boring book & Sparrow picks it up bc they share a headspace & the book caught his interest just enough for him to want to know what happens (and then one day Rook gets sick of this shit & picks up the book & flips to the end & reads the ending).

Their comfort tv show / film

I think L.ilo & S.titch could be a comfort film for a verse where Sparrow is living in a modern setting. Stitch has to figure out how to be a person after being created to be a tool. As the entire galaxy goes nuts over Stitch’s prescribed identity as a purpose, and as all of the humans are quick to put new unflattering labels on Stitch, L.ilo is the one who gives Stitch permission to start to figure himself out. It’s like, the kind of story Sparrow needs to hear. Plus the painting backgrounds would remind Sparrow of home.

Rook wouldn’t consider something a comfort movie, but there are a lot of M.arvel movies he would like. Lot of stories about superheroes trying to figure out what it means to do the right thing in a complicated situation, and the tone is light enough for it to be a reassuring experience to watch the movie overall.

A song that is currently stuck in their head? (or multiple)

Mmmaybe C.ardigan by T.aylor S.wift. It’s not a song I associate with Sparrow because it’s about him in some way, but it is a song that he would probably decide that he likes, in the way people can like things without the thing being like, one of their theme songs.

The next three questions are for you. do you have anything special in common with your character.

All of my characters have deep things in common with me. Sparrow is deeply sensitive, spiritual, and has a strong personal commitment to not abusing power over other people. Rook is really critical, but he’s also committed to things he cares about. He gets nearly paralyzed sometimes by trying to figure out what he actually wants or what is actually good after considering everything he’s ‘supposed’ to want and how hard it would be to go against the ‘supposed to.’ Sparrow is more of a ‘looking forward’ kind of character, for what could be possible, Rook is a more ‘looking back’ kind of character, at the practical side of things and the messy reality and the question of how to make honorable choices in a reality like that. They’re both really important to me!

What brings you the most joy about writing this character, right now?

Writing L.othric and now Sparrow has been my invitation to myself to tolerate less of the intolerable. Sparrow isn’t an exact image of a person I literally want to be, but he has qualities that I write about bc I want to develop them better for myself through getting to know him. Right now in particular, I’m still carrying bittersweet joy about being able to breathe life into OCs after writing D.ark S.ouls characters for so long. Sometimes when I look through the rp tags I see rpers with H.arry P.otter muses who say they’re ‘anti jkr’, and I wish it was that easy for me to signal that I’m going to engage with a story I still feel things about, but I do not want to approach it as an enthusiastic fan. Ultimately, the OC route is just more valuable because I can own everything I come up with, so it’s a change for the better all things considered. But I wish that it wasn’t so normal for a story to be like, ‘the final boss is a disabled person who was bratty for not wanting to be abused, so hunt him for sport or whatever’ & then a fandom springs around that like ‘this is content! playful irreverence!’ to the point where talking about things more deeply feels like intruding.

Who would win in a fight, you or them?

Oh, them, definitely, Rook and Sparrow would win individually or working together.

Any advice from your muse?

I think he’d say that he’s a made up person, you’re a real person. If he seems powerful because he can do magic and he’s stubborn and makes these daring changes to his life, it’s nothing compared to the power that a real breathing person has. You can do more than him by picking up a leaf off the ground. I think he’d say that maybe it’s easy for people to forget that sometimes, when it comes to any fictional character who’s aspirational in some way.

Tagged by: @batteredoptimist (thanks!)

Tagging: @stxrmchild @chilledtouch @cloudpools @destruqtivist @pleasemymel0dy @worthless-weight-in-gold ! and YOU

#long post #Ashes of Omelas | Characterization

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ahsoka-lives · 4 years

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Iris pt. 2

Fun To Be Had

PART TWO of my Inquisitor!Cal series Part 3 is up!!

A/N: Hello again! This is part two to my Inquisitor!Cal series so please read part 1 first!! Its gonna be kind of a slow burn most likely lmao. I’d like to say thank you for the love on the first one it means a whole lot. It should be noted that in this story line that I created.......Cal can do what he wants sooo don’t worry about it folks! Writing this part made me have a huge crush on trilla so there may be a wlw trilla series coming oh god

I’ll shut up now. Plz enjoy and again, I love feedback!!

Warnings: None. (I Own None Of These Characters)

Word Count: 2151

“So, Y’n, how do you feel about the isolation?” A calm muffled voice asked from behind the mask of the Second Sister. “Are you looking forward to a new life of complete and utter submission?”

“What are you talking about, Sister?” You felt frozen in fear, not from the Sister, no- you two were as close to friends as she had but her words were sending you to a place of fear that made your limbs run cold.

“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you think you can stay.” She steps toward you and reaches for your face, caressing your cheek. “I can’t say I blame him, if a face like this belonged to me, I’d want it protected too.”

“I- Who- Protect me from what?”

“Cal has always been so possessive of his things.” She muttered and let her hand fall. “Well, better get up now. Don’t want to be late do you?”

You sat up in bed, clutching the side of your face. Your alarm was blaring from the table next to your bed, it was almost time for your first appointment of the day. Your appointment with the Inquisitor, with Cal.

What just happened in your head? You had one measly interaction with him and now you were having dreams about him? You must be really touch starved from living on this rock for so long. You shake your head and chuckle at how ridiculous you have been. He is an Inquisitor, cute or not it’s just not something you wanted to get yourself into. They were cocky, dangerous, and just mean.

A year on this base and the only one you managed to befriend is the Second Sister. She was the only one who paid you any mind though she refused to admit she had a friend that wasn’t a Sister, always said it’d make her seem “soft”. The two of you meet on quiet nights when she isn’t away tracking fugitives of the empire. You show her the magical world of normalcy and she shares her stories of adventure and sometimes she even shares a few tricks.

Now you were dressed and adjusting the sleeves on your sweatshirt. It was unfortunately time to start your day.

“BD-5, can you load my schedule onto my tablet?” You call to your droid.

“Of course, Y/n. Will you be returning here for lunch this afternoon or dining in the hall?”

“Oh, I’ll come back here, wouldn’t want you getting too lonely, would I?” You smile as you pick up your tablet and heading for the door.

“Need I remind you that I do not have feelings.” He chides and hands you your keys that you undoubtedly would have forgotten.

“That’s just not true BD, I made you.” You retort and step outside, locking your door behind you.

There’s less than 5 minutes until your appointment with the Inquisitor. You had already gone to the main office and retrieved your tools. Now you stand in the elevator that had accidentally stalled and attempt to gather your thoughts.

All you have to do is go in there, fix the droid, and get out. There is no reason to be nervous.

You take a deep breath and reactivate the elevator. Looking to your tablet you begin reviewing the complaint regarding the droid. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you read the description he gave. “Will be explained upon your arrival.”

Bing

The doors slide open to reveal a short hallway leading to a set of double doors. You hide any look of worry on your face and approach the doors. You bring your fist up to knock and take a precautionary step back. You have never felt such anticipation before. A few seconds pass before you hear a subtle click, the lock coming undone and the door opened.

The Inquisitor was standing before you with a tight-fitting black crew neck and matching black sweats. It was now that you realized he had a scar across the bridge of his nose and another on his jaw that somehow only made him more attractive. His hair was floppy and slightly out of place as he likely hadn’t touched it yet.

“Morning, Y/n. Come in.” He spoke calmly and stepped to the side to let you inside. He had been looking forward to seeing you again. You were adorable to him, the way you couldn’t hold eye contact without getting flustered and looking away. How you bite the inside of your lip and take a deep breath in an attempt to mollify your heartbeat.

“Good morning, Sir.” You offer a small, uncomfortable smile and take in the view. The hallway continued into the apartment for a few feet before opening up into a large living room. The living room felt calm in contrast with your thoughts that were racing through your mind. The furniture was dark and it contrasted well with the light grey walls. The room was lit by the sun shining in from the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the beach the facility sat on.

“So, where is the droid?” You force yourself to speak as confidently as possible. You turn to face him and the two of you lock eyes for a moment as if to see who will break first, it was obviously you. You shift your eyes away from him and curse yourself for the painfully awkward feeling that was overcoming you.

“Hm, straight to the point. Are you no good at small talk, y/n?” He tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow at you.

“I’m uh, not sure what you mean, sir.”

“You were so quiet when we met yesterday, I assumed it was based on circumstance. I guess you’re just a quiet person, Y/n.” His words were light and almost playful as his eyes were scanning your face for any movement that he could use to read you. All the while, you were stuck in place trying to figure out what his little game was. “Unless I made you nervous... do I?”

“D- do you what?” You nearly choked on the air around you. He took a step toward you, you realized that the wall of the hallway was all to close to you. He was barely 3 ft in front of you, his large stature causing you to look up in order to make eye contact.

“Do I make you nervous?” His voice was deep and steady as he all but hummed the words to you. He was testing you. He wanted to see if you were bold enough to tell him off and he wanted an excuse to be closer.

You felt as if you were caught in some kind of trance that you didn’t mind being in. A small part of you acknowledged that he smelled like clean laundry and the idea of him being closer was all too tempting. That was until you remembered your dream from the night before.

“No, sir, I just uh don’t talk too much, I guess.” You regain composure and walk further into the living room, away from his alluring and intimidating presence. Was he doing this on purpose? He had to be. He was being such a conniving littl-

“Oh my, is that aggravation I sense? Have I aggravated you?” He muses as he moves to sit down on the barstool. He leaned his back against the countertop and tried to focus on the energy coming off of you. He could tell there was something hiding underneath the flustered mess of emotion that he caused.

You wanted to scream. Was he doing that the whole time? And what else of your thoughts and emotions was he listening in on? Ohno, did he know that you-. You inhale deeply and remember what Trilla taught you. If he was feeling out your emotions then he would be able to feel the desire that was hiding in the far corners of your mind.

“Sir, can I please see the droid so I can fix it. I do have other appointments today.” You were now forcing calm throughout your body as to not give him the satisfaction.

“Please, call me Cal.” He gave a small smile and there was a change in his demeanor as he got up and went into the other room. You let out a sigh of relief at your success.

Cal was surprised at how you seemed to be masking your emotion from him. Of course, if he wanted to know what was going on inside that head of yours, he could. Not yet, he thought to himself. There was more fun to be had.

He emerged from his room holding the droid in his hands. What was most interesting was that he carried it almost like a child. You wondered if he actually cared for his droid since you thought Trilla was the only inquisitor who had any compassionate bones in their body.

“So, whats the problem?” You ask as you begin to run diagnostics.

“Well, his converter seemed to be running slowly on our last mission and I’d just replaced it so it can’t be normal wear n tear.” He had his eyes locked on the droid and was now kneeling down next to him as you began unscrewing the panel that concealed his inner wiring.

“Wait.” You pause and scrunch your face slightly in confusion. “If you had the expertise to replace the converter, why did you need me to check it?”

Cal chuckled lightly and looked up at you from his position on the ground. He took a moment to feel around for your emotion but only found the sound of your rapidly beating heart.

You were once again flustered by the prolonged eye contact and close proximity but you were using all of your energy to keep from feeling any strong emotions.

“How else was I supposed to see you again?” He seemed genuine at this moment. “I can feel the way your heart quickens when you so much as stand close to me. I sense the way your thoughts become clouded when you try to hold my gaze.”

“I-I- You’re wrong.” You stutter out and you hear the tablet chime to tell you diagnostics are done. The droid is perfectly fine.

“I’m never wrong, y/n.”

“Well, you were wrong about the converter. Your droid is perfectly fine.” You huff and begin to pack up as quickly as you can. You are desperate to leave before you let your guard down.

“No, I wasn’t. I knew he was okay. I just needed to see you again and confirm my suspicion.” He stands up and picks the droid up off the table, placing him down onto the ground. “How long ago did Trilla teach you to conceal your emotions?”

You stop all movements as your eyes shoot up to meet his. Did he know the whole time? You really should have known but you wanted to believe you had outsmarted him.

“Thank you, that’s better. Now that I have your full attention again, y/n, you should know something.” This was the first time he had been so assertive and you felt your knees weaken. “I certainly enjoy you and the little attitude you seem to have taken up with me. I want to see more of it but not without knowing that you want to see more of me, too.”

He watched you take his words in one at a time. Your cheeks were flush and he swore he felt the flicker of emotion between the steady calmness you’ve been giving off. This was perhaps the longest you had held eye contact with him and he wondered if he had crossed a line. It didn’t really matter to him though, he already knew your answer. He just wanted to hear a confession fall from your lips and to know exactly what you felt at this moment. The urge to move forward and take the information from you himself was nagging at him but he needed to restrain himself, he would hate to scare you off so soon.

“Use your words, flower.” Flower. The name snapped you back to the present, to the dangerous and very attractive man who had his gaze locked onto you.

“Cal, I-I um.” You huffed, feeling out of breath from the tension in the room. Suddenly the clock on his wall began blinking and the tone of an alarm rang throughout the room. Thank the Heavens.

“Have dinner with me, tonight. Come back here at 2000, I’ll be waiting.” He instructed before slipping into his bedroom to change for the day.

You didn’t hesitate to turn and haul yourself to the elevator. Dinner. Tonight. In his apartment?? This can’t be good.... or it could be really good. The way he spoke to you was tantalizing and all you wanted was to listen to every word he said but that is just not you. You were never one to let someone boss you around. But something told you that this time you should.

#part twooo babyyy #cal kestis x reader #inquisitor!cal #jedi fallen order #i do what i want in my writing #i dont own these characters!!#star wars #inquisitor cal #cal kestis

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idrewbedraggledbreaths · 4 years

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Sorting Daenerys Targaryen and Jorah Mormont with the sortinghatchats system (GoT verse)

I didn’t want to write this post before I finished my Killing Eve sortings (basically Carolyn and Konstantin), but I’m stuck with them, so I decided to revisit an old fandom instead with a new approach. My take here is possibly an outsider’s take, given that I haven’t interacted with this fandom for a while, save for a few close friends I made in it. Now, bear in mind this sorting system IS NOT the original HP system, it is simply based on it. It sorts you into two houses. Your primary is you WHY, your reason to be who you are, what you believe in. Your secondary is your HOW, the way you act and approach life. Below is a little tl;dr of what each of them are (I’m using the animal terminology that’s being used in many blogs, by the way. If you know the houses, you know what each animal is supposed to represent).

Lion primaries are intuitive and guided by their moral compass, which is very strong (doesn’t mean what they believe in is in fact good or correct) and Lion secondaries are the people who charge straight at something, regardless of whether they will come out of it unscathed or not.

Snake primaries value people. Not any person, their people. They will go to hell and earth for their people to be safe and happy, which can get kind of self destructive. Snake secondaries improvise much like Lion secondaries, but they tend to adapt to situation and shapeshift their way out of problems.

Bird primaries also value right and wrong like Lion primaries, but they build their systems with external information and observation, not from their gut feelings. That means Bird primaries change a lot with time, because their ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ change. Bird secondaries collect. Skills, tools, random knowledge, they delve deep and acquire as much of them as they can, not because things are useful, but because it’s fun.

Finally, Badger primaries are also people-persons, but their communities are much broader than a Snake primary’s. They value people, tradition, cultures and so (but not every Badger sees everyone as people, so there’s that). Badger secondaries are the hardworking types in the sense that they cultivate things, they invest in them and even become them.

You can develop models of each house according to what you find useful or what society has instilled in you, but when push come to shove, the models aren’t the real you. All of these houses can burn, meaning their essence is somehow scared away from them due to trauma, depression, societal pressures, etc. That means a Lion stops trusting their instincts, a Snake no longer feels like they’re able to protect their people or their people are better off without them, a Bird loses faith in their systems and a Badger closes themselves off from their communities and adopts a smaller circle of people. Burnt houses can look a lot like each other. For more info, check out the tags.

Daenerys

Double Lion, no doubt (for most of the show). Dany knows what’s right, she feels it in her bones. She never tries to rationalise her decisions and she won’t usually budge, even if she is presented with a more rational plan. None of her advisors have really convinced her to do anything, they might have pushed her to do what they wanted, but if she had her way, Daenerys would only ever listen to her own heart. She needs people around her to help her not make impulsive, brash decisions(because of her Lion secondary that I will get into), but she definitely doesn’t need - and doesn’t want - a moral compass, hers works just fine. She was burned as hell in the first episodes of the first season, mostly because of Viserys’ horrible influence, because he had robbed her of a purpose, of her truth. Drogo also stifles her primary and secondary for a while, but he eventually gives her some space to be herself. When she unburns, she unburns fast. ‘Not a Queen, a Khaleesi’ is pretty much Day gong ‘yeah, I can do things my way, I can be my own person with my own values and my own self.’ I think from there on, her quest to liberate 1) take back the Iron Throne 2) liberate Slaver’s Bay and ‘Break the Wheel’ just show how much she is focused on a big quest that is not explained by reason, by her need to form a community or by the influence of someone in her life. She does it because that’s the Right Thing ™ to do, and that’s Lion primary in a nutshell. Another thing that points towards Lion primary to me is how she just won’t take criticism and specially betrayal well (not that anyone does, but Dany is particularly unforgiving most of the time). Lion primaries are particularly shaken when someone they admire doesn’t have the same moral standards as they do, because deep down they like to think they know what’s ‘good’ and ‘true’ (oops my Snake primary who doesn’t really get Lions is showing), so if you don’t follow them and their beliefs, you must be doing something wrong. This is why Dany is so fucking pissed at Jorah when she finds out he betrayed her. She is also devastated true, and she misses him, but her ideals and her ‘truth’ stop her from seeing things from his side ad from forgiving him until he has proven himself worthy. Her reaction to betrayals tie in to the fact that she is a MASSIVE Lion secondary. She headbutts her way into things and her liberal use of Dracarys is proof of that. That’s not to say she doesn’t think or plan or listen to her advisors, but when push comes to shove, homegirl ACTS. Fuck the consequences, I have three dragons, fucking try me. Don’t tell me that climbing on Drogon in the fighting pits and burning the Khals were calculated decisions. Burning the Lannister army wasn’t a calculated decision. She leaves the planning to the people around her. This is something I struggle with regarding Lions, but I have to admit they are much more prone to seizing opportunities that us Bird secondaries (because I do have a Snake model but it is utter shit).

Now, in seasons 7 and 8, she starts burning again. She gets to Westeros, where people aren’t flocking to her side like they did in Essos. Daenerys lets herself be swayed by Jon’s pretty little speeches that sound very Lion, sound very true to Daenerys, but guess what? She is fucking betrayed by everyone. The people she loved are killed, her children are killed (and the whole ‘I will take what is mine’ thing indicates that she might have a Snaky primary model, after all, she does some things because of what she claimed as hers, be it people or the Throne), she is left absolutely alone, so she burns, she loses faith in herself, starts doubting her actions and her instincts and no one is there to help her unburn safely, so the way she does it is destructive, as it often is with Lion primaries who don’t have guidance in order to regain their trust their instincts and their selves. To me, the KL incidence is her primary going ‘You fucking left me behind, you fuckers, now you are going to see that I was right and fuck the consequences’. Her primary takes a turn for the worse with the help of an impulsive secondary and she ends doing anything to reach her end goal, similar to Albus Dumbledore and his disregard for human life as long as Voldemort being defeated is concerned.

Jorah

I have no doubts whatsoever that Jorah is a Snake primary. I know the fandom likes to sort him into Hufflepuff when using the traditional sorting system and while there’s no doubts he is a loyalist to the bone, Jorah’s loyalties are much narrower than a Badger primary’s would be. Before he meets Daenerys, he wants to go home and make up with his family, because they are the ones who matter. Not his reputation, not the North, not Bear Islad itself, the Mormont House. Before that still, he does literally anything to keep Lynesse happy, including doing things that are against the law. This utter devotion to certain people are what makes him a Snake primery to me, a paricularly self destructive one. He starts worrying about the fact that he berayed Daenerys when he ‘adopts’ her into his circles and more so when she goes from being in his outermost circles to being the one person his Snake primary is attached to. Daeerys is everything to Jorah. Does he persoally care about freeing slaves or generally following her morals? No, he does it because it is importat to her and he wants her to see he is worthy of her attention (I, another Snek, still don’t kow if I like Florence + The Machine so damn much because I liked a girl who was into FATM or if my Bird secondary saw her taste for FATM and went ‘OMG ME TOO LETS TALK ABOUT THAT’ and the primary just said ‘huh, that’s legit. We’ll worship her from now on’, so yeah, us Snakes do that. On a side note, I never worked up the courage to ask her out, though). That’s why he goes batshit when she banishes him. He doesn’t burn, which means his primary is so strong it wasn’t fazed by being ast out of her circles; no, he is hell bent on getting back into her good graces and if he has to sacrifice his life fr that, so be it.

Now, when it comes to secondary, I’d say Jorah’s a Lion secondary too, even though he has a lot of models he picked up with time. Models are useful, models get you out of bad situations, but they’re not who you really are. Jorah wans to be a Bird secondary when he’s around Daenerys, he wants to be the careful planner who looks ahead and ensures she is successful and he also needs a Snake secondary model, because his life demands that he twists and turns himself to fit different situations, but deep inside he is a Lion. His most honest moments are the moments when he just does it, no thoughts head empty. Did he have a solid plans when he kidnapped Tyrion? Fuck no! Did he truly know what he was doing when he decided to fight in the pits? Fuck no! Did he think before he charged at the wights and saved Daenerys in Winterfell? Fuck no! His head was probably just going ‘my Daenerys is in danger let’s punch first and see what happens later’. He’s not like Littlefinger, who plans everything ad is so fast at analysing and changing plans he looks like a Snake. His models make him seem like the opposite of Dany, like a Bird to a Lion, brains while she is brawn, but when she is in danger, Jorah charges.

What the Jorleesi shippers do is take Dany’s Lion primary that is so focused on a quest and show her that she can also include people in her big aspirations. The gut feeling that is so characteristic of Lions is already inside her, all she would need is to put it into words, which isn’t necessarily the strongest suits of many Lions (that’s a Bird thing). Since most of their dynamics inevitably lies on Jorah’s models regulating Dany’s secondary, there’s not much point in ‘taming her Lion’. Jorah stays the same. The fandom looooves his Snake/Lion, specially since us Snakes tend to be too hard on ourselves. A self-loathing Snake who is also a stupid brave Lion secondary? Yes. They are both stupid brave. Also just stupid. Just talk, you two, for fuck’s sake. Get over your Lion, Daenerys, and talk to him, his Snake won’t allow him to bother you too much.

#daenerys targaryen #jorah mormont #Dany x Jorah #jorleesi #sortinghatchats #lion primary #gryffindor primary #lion secondary #gryffindor secondary #snake primary #slytherin primary #double lion #snake/lion

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ambitionsource · 3 years

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Who in the a class is in some kind of therapy?

what a question LMAO. but honestly, a very fair one indeed. while discussing this, es and i ended up basically dividing it into three groups (if someone isn’t mentioned, it just means none apply)

Is In Therapy Currently

Isadora || as we know from the canon of S3, isa is currently in therapy to work through the grief of valerie dying as well as like... the built up abandonment issues, anxiety, and struggles she has articulating or processing emotions lmao. it also helps her learn better methods to work with her autism

Farkle || i mean... we all watched S1 & 2. we know why he’s there LMAO and by god does he need it. it’s good that he’s improving though!!

Chai || she officially started therapy after the events of S1 while she was abroad because evidently her parents divorce really fucked with her emotional state and coping mechanisms -- as well as having sort of emotionally distant parents and having to navigate the world on her own. basically, money =/= nurturing. but yeah i think she realized what she did with tormenting her classmates wasn’t Healthy perhaps and so she sought out the resources to fix it on her own. her parents certainly weren’t going to be much help

Clarissa || clarissa has been in and out of therapy here and there since she was little, mainly for managing OCD. usually she’s fine and her appointments are infrequent (monthly at this current rate), but she tends to go back to her therapist when circumstances get very stressful, like the events of S2 (she mentions going back to therapy in a scene with charlie and haley in 210)

Not In Therapy Currently, but Has Before

Riley || though not by choice, riley went to therapy for a stretch of time in the aftermath of her bullying experience freshman year. by the start of S1, though, she’s on the tail-end of it after a whole summer full of it. she also had stints in family therapy when she was little when cory and topie were having their first bouts of marriage problems, but she doesn’t remember all that obviously. she’s thought about going back for herself because of all the divorce strain, but ultimately opted against it bc she didn’t want to go through cory or topanga. she mainly sticks to talking to eric if things get too overwhelming and using the coping mechanisms she already has

Darby || miss darbs spent some time in therapy in late elementary school due to having issues socializing with her peers. i think she’s always been a bit awkward and desperate to please, so that can get messy with kids cause kids are mean. she was also definitely bullied at that age for being really tall and so i think her parents put her therapy out of genuine concern just with the hopes that like, she’d be able to develop some coping mechanisms and have a safe space to get advice if they didn’t have the answers. and in some ways it helped, other ways no -- her friendships aren’t the healthiest still (as she’s the doormat), but i think she holds her own BETTER with the plastics having gone to therapy than if she never developed those emotional tools at all

Has Not / Is Not but Really Fucking Should Be in Therapy

LUCAS || this is like the most obvious blinking lights sirens wailing example ever. he is a walking textbook for endorsing therapy. between the domestic abuse, mommy and daddy issues, self-esteem in the subbasement, lack of life purpose, inability to read others well emotionally, inability to process his own emotions, the physical aversion due to his trauma, his kleptomania, his risk-taking behavior, his habit of lying, the fact that he has canonically walked off for days at a time with no warning, explanation, or safety net, that he sleeps in a fucking technician’s booth, he used to free-climb buildings SOMETIMES IN THE RAIN, no sense of self-preservation, intrusive thoughts, inability to express appreciation or affection in a normal non-stressful way...... this man is a therapist’s dream and nightmare. they could spend YEARS unpacking him. but will he ever go to therapy? no. because he a) doesn’t think he needs it, b) can’t ask for help ever, and c) could never afford it. and at this point, d) if his dad heard he was seeking help like that he would shut it down instantly. anyway, he’s the biggest case here. underline him in red

Charlie || charlie is a great example of someone who is like coping... sort of... not really... it Looks like they’re coping but they aren’t really and they really need help. like yes, charlie has stability in certain areas of his life that others don’t, and he’s extremely self-aware of his privileges, but i think that’s part of the problem. he’s convinced himself he doesn’t need or shouldn’t get external help because there are people who have it so much worse than him and he doesn’t... he doesn’t really need it, does he? he’s fine. he’ll be fine. and even if he did think about getting “help,” i think his first instinct -- and advice from others -- would be to go to his church leadership, which is not a suggestion made with ill will but just isn’t helpful considering half of his trauma is tied to his relationship with god and the church and faith. he needs a more objective space to unpack all of that, and obviously church itself is not the answer. i think that charlie will be able to work through a lot of his initial issues on his own with time and patience with himself (something we’re in the thick of right now -- we’re just barely in the acceptance phase), but he should really go to therapy in the future just to like... work through all of the long-term trauma he endured from his upbringing and bridgette’s exile and the dueling psychology of church vs sexuality. like... that’s gonna take some time to unravel and he needs to be in the right place to pursue that on his own. will he, i dont know, but i think when he does a certain heaviness he’s been carrying his entire life will finally like... lift. and he’ll be able to breathe better

Asher || so asher is a bit of a clusterfuck LMAO like he’s diagnosed officially with generalized anxiety disorder but he never saw a specialist, his mom diagnosed him since she’s a psychologist. the complexity here is that because of that... well, they say you should never let family be your personal doctors and i think that’s true for mental health professionals too. like emily basically gave asher the generic coping rundown when he was really young, and then he went on to develop his own coping mechanisms with, at least, a very fundamental understanding of what’s wrong with him. but he kind of developed his own complex about it all too, bc i think emily took pride in him being able to figure it all out and be so capable with his own mental health without ever going to therapy and he kind of internalized that, as well as having internalized a lot his mom’s perspectives and opinions as a mental health professional in a way that its like... well my MOM said that, so i feel kind of some type of way about it. so its all really complicated and twisted in his head and he just doesnt bother to unpack it (something, ironically, therapy would probably help lol). the thing about asher is that for all intents and purposes, he does cope well and he is really in tune with his own mental state. it’s just that he could seriously benefit from having an objective party help him untangle some of his neuroses i think and it would take some of the constant stress off his shoulders, but he’s honestly too stuck in his ways at this point to go. that being said, he’s a vocal advocate for therapy and its benefits -- just not for himself

Nigel || as discussed a bit in the ask i answered about him, i just think nigel carries way too much pressure on himself and he could benefit from someone helping him work through things instead of carrying all his stress on his own -- even if its less complex than some others. he’s like same range as clarissa.

Maya || maya has no issue with self-esteem, but i think she could still benefit from someone helping her actually unpack her issues over her dad and why she is the way she is. a therapist who specializes in narcissism would be a good fit for her -- not because she is one, but she does have... certain quirks where i think having that specialization can help unravel her motivations and actions a little more easily

Missy || she’s just a fucking mess. she shouldn’t be redeemed but i think therapy could really do her a favor and maybe make her less terrible and psychopathic towards people who aren’t like her. maybe

-- Maggie & Es

#a class #answered #Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

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shinylitwick94 · 3 years

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Results of Star Wars reading month!

A while ago I mentioned that I had, first accidentally, then on purpose, turned january into a sort of “Star Wars reading month”, meaning that the only things I read this month were Star Wars books, and I read quite a few of those.

Overall it was a pretty fun experience. The quality of the writing and my enjoyment of the stories definitely varied, but most of these were very easy to read, and relatively short, which is why I managed to read so many in such a short period.

I did have some issues, of course. Sometimes the writing felt very weak, some books have very flat characters and some books suffer from problems with how closely they’re stuck following the stories of the movies.

But overall, I think I liked it and I might pick up some more of these later.

Disclaimer: Obi-Wan is my favorite SW character. So there will be a lot of Obi-Wan in this.

So, here are my thoughts on each of these, in the order that i read them in:

(under the cut because this is looong)

Revenge of the Sith (Novelization), by Matthew Woodring Stover (status:Legends)

After a bit of reflection and reading recommendations online, I decided to start with this one. I think it was a good move. RotS is one of my favorite Star Wars movies and the book does a lot to combat its worst issues. The dialogue sounds more natural, more time is spent on exploring Anakin’s messed up state of mind before he falls, and a few nice scenes are added to give extra context to the actions of certain characters. I didn’t love what it did with Dooku and some of the tools it decides to use (this is... or Anakin’s fear dragon, for instance) become repetitive pretty quickly, but all in all I enjoyed this one a lot. The opening with the republic citizens watching the Chancellor’s kidnapping on the holonet was especially nice and really makes me wish we had more of that in the movies themselves.

4.5/5

Master and Apprentice, by Claudia Gray(status: Canon)

Master and Apprentice follows Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before the events of the saga, at a moment where their relationship as master and padawan is at a crossroads. The story itsel is fairly simple and not that engaging on its own, but what I like about this one is the time it takes to explore these two characters. It’s pretty solid and I liked it, but I wouldn’t call it a must read.

3.5/5

Lost Stars, by Claudia Gray (status: canon)

I think I enjoyed Claudia Gray’s writing much better in this one than in the previous one. Lost Stars is a bit special, in that it doesn’t follow any main characters. Instead, it follows two original characters in their journey through the galaxy at the time of the OT. It’s part love story, part “let’s see the OT through an outside perspective” and it works pretty well. I quite liked the new characters and their friends and I think they fit in pretty well with the established universe. A few of the main characters have cameos, but really, this isn’t their story. I also appreciated some moments where it calls out a few of the absuridities of the OT, such as Lando leading the attack on death star II and Vader chasing after the falcon so obsessively, both of which look extremely weird from an outside perspective. The only thing I don’t really like is that the story feels really restricted by the OT canon, so you can kind of guess where everything is going after a certain point.

4/5

Kenobi, by John Jackson Miller (status: legends)

Obi-Wan has adventures after arriving on Tattooine when he really, really would rather not get involved. I absolutely loved this one. I liked the writing, I liked Obi-Wan’s character, I liked the new characters (although I had trouble keeping track at first), and I liked the plot. It has a slower start than most of the others here, but it definitely pays off. Without going into too much detail, I particularly appreciated Obi-Wan’s issues with having to let go of the “let’s help everyone” jedi mentality, the exploration of the Tusken raiders, and the fact that it didn’t actually focus on Luke and the Lars’ at all, which I admit I had rather been dreading.

5/5, and my favorite of the bunch

Darth Plagueis, by James Luceno (status legends)

This one started off really strong, but then fell a little flat by the end. It tells the story of Plagueis’ rise as sith lord, and later his relationship with Palpatine. I enjoyed Plagueis’ character and the writing was pretty solid throughout. all the political machinations were hard to keep track of at first, but after some time and a little help from wookiepedia my brain began to make sense of things. Its strongest moment by far is an event halfway through the book when the two sith lords are attacked by another faction that shows us both their ruthlessness and the fact that they can, in fact, be caught off guard. Plagueis is wonderfully sinister, but Palpatine comes off as even more coldhearted, which is fitting. The one thing I didn’t like, and the reason I felt the ending was a little flat, is that it tries too hard to tie into the Phantom Menace at the end. I think the story would have benefitted from letting Plagueis die earlier and not have its final events tied up in the movie’s plot.

4.5/5, and my second favorite

The Rising Force (Jedi Apprentice #1), by David Wolverton (status:legends)

This one is aimed at kids, and it shows. But because I can never get enough obi-Wan, I decided to read it anyway. It focuses on young Obi-Wan, at risk of not being able to become a jedi knight, and his difficult first meetings with Qui-Gon, and the little adventure they accidentally end up on. As a kids’ book, the writing is easy even by SW standards, and that’s saying something. Like, an 8 year old could probably read this just fine. The story is also pretty simplistic and works on building the foundations for the later development of these characters. It’s the first in a pretty long series, so it doesn’t get that far, but it was fun enough, I guess.

3/5

Heir to the Empire (#1 in Thrawn trilogy), by Timothy Zahn (status: legends)

I had high expectations going into this thing and none of them were met. I’ve read a bit on the side, and I can appreciate how it was an important story for the franchise as a whole, but it really did nothing for me. This is partly, I think, because my expectations were so high in the first place. Everyone seems to think that the Thrawn trilogy is the best thing to ever happen to Star Wars, but from my impressions of this first book it was just...meh. It takes place in the years following the fall of the empire, where the new republic faces threats from the imperial remnants, one of which is lead by Grand Admiral Thrawn. Thrawn as a character is adored by the fandom, and I really don’t get it. He’s dispassionate (pseudo)rational, supposedly very Smart and apparently can predict how people will act because he studies their country’s art (which...stinks of 19th century “scientists” measuring skulls, but whatever let’s pretend this doesn’t bother us). He doesn’t really have any particular outstanding character traits outside of this. What I’m trying to get to, is he’s a bit of a Sue and not very interesting to read about. Then there’s Mara Jade, who is also introduced in this, and who I also didn’t particularly like, but yeah. The story told in this is actually pretty short - the trio is having issues, Luke get’s captured for a while and then there’s a big battle at the end. It’s fine, there’s nothing particularly wrong with it, the writing is ok, and maybe the characters are a little flat sometimes, but overall it’s ok. I just don’t get why people adore this so much. Personally, I’ve no interest in the rest of the trilogy.

3/5

Path of Destruction (#1 in Bane trilogy), by Drew Karpyshyn (status: legends)

This one tells the story of the rise of Darth Bane, he who would establish the rule of two for the Sith. The early parts of this felt quite interesting, and I liked how Bane’s character was different from what we usually get in SW, especially in terms of background. But once the story gets to the sith academy, it just stalls. There’s a lot of back and forth between Bane, the masters and the other apprentices, a lot of musings from Bane on the nature of the dark side, and theoretically all this should work, but at some point during this part of the story I just stopped caring about any of the characters. Maybe it’s because I find the whole dark side philosophy thing quite silly, or maybe I just didn’t find the writing all that engaging, or maybe it was that I already knew what was coming so much of this felt like padding. In any case, it’s a decent enough read, but doesn’t make it past meh for me.

3/5

#shinylitwick reads books #star wars #phew #this was fun but let's take a break now

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softapollo · 5 years

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Creative Writing With Your Deity

I spent the afternoon writing down my thoughts and ideas about using creative writing as a tool to connect with your deity. It may have been done before or done similarly, but these are just my thoughts and ideas. I hope it’s an enjoyable read, and please do share and send me your thoughts!

I have heard plenty of people say meditation and/or astral projection are their main, or important ways of connecting to their deity or deities. Unfortunately, this amazing tool to connect with deity isn’t always approachable, enjoyable, etc. I, for example, suck at meditation in the more ‘standard’ sense of the term, and my type of meditation doesn’t really lend itself to these kinds of experiences. I might learn to in the future, but at this point in my life, I can’t and won’t. Instead of just giving up (which I did before), I just have to be creative about it. It reminds me of “The Other Side” from The Greatest Showman (which is my most listened song of all time on Spotify and I am not sorry), about not needing a key because you can build the key and all that. Which is how I started to try and figure out a way to connect with deity that would work for me, and might work for others as well. So, logically for me, I ended up at writing.

I’ve been writing all my life and wanted to be an author after my princess-and-ice-cream-seller period (yes I really wanted to be those two things simultaneously). Writing isn’t easy and I’m definitely not saying that I am a grandmaster at it, but I’ve been doing it all my life, I love doing it, and I feel comfortable doing it. I also feel free enough to do with it what I want.

Onto the writing with deity. I do have a connection with my main deity (Apollo) that I consider to be good, but I want to connect more, talk more, listen to him more. He’s there alright, but I’ve never had the ‘walking through a garden with Apollo as he gives me ancient wisdom’ type of experiences. Which, of course, isn’t necessary in a relationship with a deity and doesn’t have to happen at all in order for it to be meaningful—I feel like I will keep disclaiming myself, but I can’t be too wary about these kinds of things. But I do love to try and get those experiences, and I honestly don’t believe that it matters to deities how that kind of experience is achieved, whether that be meditation or writing or anything else.

I’m not talking about automatic writing. Automatic writing is something that I have seen described in two ways. One of them is described as the person not really writing “themselves”, but their hand being guided by whoever they are connecting with. I myself am not really the person to consider anything like this, but it might be a great tool for others. The other way is one where the person writes something down, a question or a thought or something like that, and the first thing that comes into their mind is the response or reaction of whatever they are connecting with. The thing I am describing comes closer to this way of writing—but it is different. More conscious, perhaps, more focused on creative writing and the use of imagination, too. I’ll explain.

The core of the idea is to write, as if writing a story, about yourself and your deity (or whatever works in your situation). You can get as elaborate as you want. That’s the great thing about creative writing. You can write yourself wherever you want, however you want. Do you want to meet your deity on the beach? Write that. Do you want to meet in a busy street in New York City? Go for it. This goes for everything in the story. You can elaborate on the details of how you look or your deity looks, the surroundings, your feelings—or you can keep it short and to the point, if that’s more your style. Add in things you feel might be useful to add in, keep out that which you want to keep out. Don’t bother yourself with wondering if things make sense or are realistic, and definitely, do not be bothered by making it readable for others. With that I mean, ignore spelling or grammar mistakes if you want to, break all the creative writing rules you’ve ever learned if that’s what’s gonna make this work for you.

Or make it the most sophisticated, elaborate, beautifully styled piece of writing you’ve ever made. It’s up to you.

Now I can show you in what ways I might use it, but again, if you want to use it for different purposes, you can change anything about this idea to your own liking. These are just my thoughts: please ignore them at leisure.

I do want to approach this in a less planned out way than I might another piece of writing. I believe that when I set a scene and start writing about how I’m feeling or what the forest looks like, I can get into a different mindset (almost meditative, or like a visualization). Hence, I’d rather not stop and think about what I’m writing too much. I just let it happen, sort of like a free write. This way I can let Apollo have a say in this as well, as the goal of this whole thing is to connect with him and what he wants to say. If I suddenly want to write about the beach instead of the forest, that might be because he wants the ‘story’ to take place there.

It’s like cowriting! But your co-writer just gives you random vague ideas that you write down not knowing why or how it fits in, and, y’know, he’s also a deity and likes to take sips of your drink.

You can ironically meditate and/or ground beforehand if you want. You can get yourself a cup of tea or coffee, try and make sure you won’t be interrupted, light a candle and put some crystals around if that’s your thing. You could even draw a circle, pray, or do none of these things. Whatever floats your boat.

You can use paper and pen, or type, depends on what you prefer. I would probably type as I think less about the fact that I’m writing and I can better focus on the story, which I know of myself through experience. It’s not like that for everyone. You can also consider writing with or without music/background noise, of course.

You can write in the first person, which might take you more ‘into the story’, or you can choose to write yourself in the third person if you feel that works better. A certainly more advanced idea would be to write from your deity’s perspective if you feel prompted to do so.

Although you are 100% free to write whatever, you might want to consider what would be useful for you. If you, for example, just write an idealistic version of yourself where you are perfect and your deity thinks you are amazing and has nothing to teach you and just praises you for three pages straight, while you’re not really open to any input from your deity --that might not be the best way to go about this. Be honest with yourself.

There doesn’t have to be dialogue, you can just have a scene where you two hang out and that’s it. I do think dialogue can be very useful and can also be the ‘meat’ of it all. With dialogue, you can really let the deity take over when they’re speaking in the story—where they can give you answers, guidance, or lessons like in the second kind of automatic writing I mentioned. Go with where the story and/or your deity is taking you.

Fun twist! Add tarot into the mix. Especially if your deity likes to communicate through tarot, you can ask them for help and draw a card if you feel stuck for example. Similarly, you can use a card as a starting point, use the imagery to set the scene, or to help with an answer or a choice. You can use or add other divination tools too of course! Experiment. It’s creative writing after all.

Honestly, there isn’t much else to say than to do this in any way you want to. There is no right or wrong. I literally just made this up as a way to help me and thought it might be useful to others-which means there is nothing official about this whatsoever.

I would recommend keeping all these stories/scenes/sessions and store them for later reference or reflection. Maybe you visit a specific place several times? Perhaps there are several loose, disconnected and unrelated stories or scenes. Perhaps you want to continue where you left off last time, so you read yourself into it before every session and the entire thing becomes connected.

Just make sure that you don’t limit yourself in what you can write or what you/your deity can say. Leave room for things to go weird. Be okay with unexplainable scene changes or plot twists—don’t think of it as having to be a story with a good plot and structure, etc. As soon as you start limiting yourself in what you can and can’t write, you limit your deity in the messages they can give you, too.

Be sure to thank your deity as you usually would and feel free to use this idea however you wish. I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences you want to share, and questions, so feel free to message me.

Thank you for reading and I hope it gave you some inspiration <3

#deities #offerings #deity communication #witchblr #eclectic paganism #eclectic pagan #(you can do this w any pantheon of course)#mine

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tedfashionski · 4 years

Text

Seeing Red

I was drawing today and reminded somehow of that depressing development where the sister of David & Samantha Cameron has been appointed editor of the Evening Standard. Like, I’m looking past the implied wider corruption problems in ‘real’ journalism here, but one point she said in her announcement interview really bothered me. She said, something to the effect of ‘Oh, thank god I spent 20 years working at Vogue while David was in politics, because I am just so fond of him and I would hate to have to be critical of him. So I was safe at Vogue.’

That, right there, sums up how far fashion media is from even being able to recognise the functional role of journalism. Oh, thankfully, at Vogue we can hide from criticality and awareness of the political dimensions of the world. All the while, the fashion industry is feeding this planet-killing spirit-crushing capitalist consumerism. But, no, why would it be political? Stop making it political. It’s just clothes.

K, I’m going to RANT a little about these digital fashion weeks we’ve just been subjected to. I’ll preface by saying, yeah, I get it, it’s hard to be creative in the thick of a pandemic. My standards have been accordingly lowered 20%. I am very generous.

Chanel and Dior’s lack of energy was no surprise. Although, keeping in mind female designers tend to be more pragmatic as a matter of course, it’s sad the two top women are being so listless. I was pleasantly surprised by Azzaro – it gave a hint of a vibe but was sure of itself. It emphasised that there was no reason for the Chanel & Dior videos & collections to exist, no point of view. The smaller couture players like the Dutch trinity of Ronald van der Kemp, Iris van Herpen, and Viktor & Rolf were a little more canny, you got the impression they were enjoying themselves at the very least.

Regarding men’s, I do think Rick Owens was actually well judged in its boringness – we don’t need product-based experimentation necessarily. I enjoyed the meta-narrative aspect, it seems to me a good time for that kind of subtle, slightly snide interplay of references. Yohji’s design’s really sang, the video could have worked harder, it felt thrown together and didn’t do the clothes justice. (Side note, that showstudio Yohji review video, 45 mins of failing to say anything, was what finally pushed me over the edge. Dude. Are you guys for real? ‘Where is the avant garde’? If you don’t know, give up already. I’m not even a Yohji fanbear but he deserves better.) Kiko gave us a real stab at a pscho-medieval vibe, and I would’ve written a full review about it cus there’s stuff going on there. But fuck that. If he doesn’t want to talk to us, and show his full vision to the public in a spirit of optimism and faith in the culture, why should I bother with him? Mean and snooty gatekeeping gets mean and snotty graffiti right back.

Fashion culture (twitter, specifically) wants to be wowed by everything all the time. Then, it complains and says why is fashion week even happening during a pandemic, now isn’t the time for fashion. Another example of our schizo cognitive dissonance as we consume this shit. What do we even want?

I’ll tell you what I want. I want fashion designers to be engaged in a collective speculative in-depth discussion of what the future feels like right now, as an artform. So, I’m not going to analyse anything as a commercial proposition, because the future features less and less buying shit. In part as I believe that with growing internet dispersal of OG systems, awareness will rise, the vocabulary will expand, and we’ll stop caring so much about the performative aspects of fashion clothing. The interiority aspect will only grow, and that means unique-feeling experiences that are like conversing with a familiar presence. The fashion designer as moot, a parasocial meta-commentator. A friend you don’t actually have to talk to, just talk with, in the culture. That process won’t start from a point of ‘buy my shit’. First, a relationship should be built up, set up and running along. Then, if product occurs it’s incidental. Wow, I’m being a real little weatherbear. Check out my prophecies!

So, I’m pretty disappointed and depressed about the resentful undertone of much of the work presented to us. Like, they’re crossing their arms and getting all grumpy about how they’re not allowed to carry on like they always do. FFS, you’re FASHION PEOPLE. Change is the name of the game, this shit should excite you. It’s your job to guide each other in an open-ended perusal of future possibilities, and to make recommendations. It’s not just clothes, they’re the medium, the language in which you build the commentary. If all you care about is nice product (*cough*, hedi slimane, *cough* jacquemus), stop calling yourself a fashion designer, because you’re a clothing manufacturer and I don’t care about you.

Why are all these videos so boring? Have any of these people heard of editing, rhythm? They do realise you can hire people for this kind of thing, right? The deadening lack of imagination amongst people whose full-time job it is to be creative about the present’s transition into the future is astounding. This really underlines the risks of nepotism and gatekeeping. The only people who can afford to participate are the gutless products of a bloated upper middle class. I don’t believe in that class’s creative capacities for one fucking minute. They’ve got nothing at stake, no guts to go against anything, because their boring shitty system works for them, so why should it change? Ugh, vom.

Where is the communicative power? Nothing is being said, it’s filler for an elite determined to go down with their ship. I’m glad it’s sinking, it wasn’t fit for purpose and I’ll happily stick some extra holes in to make it sink faster.

I’m going to single out Jonathan Anderson again. Listen, he’s a little pretty boy who’s working so effectively within the system, who has played the game perfectly to the best of his ability. His work is top level, he wins every time. So, I reckon he can be held up as an example. He can take it. I’m looking at the box-shows he did for Loewe and his own brand, and I’m thinking, oh that’s such a lovely take on alt fashion communication. So much heart, and care. Then, what’s the internet equivalent? A little video showing off the box. Some 3d shots & backs of looks and boxes. A little extemporised pitter patter from Jonny. That’s it. It’s still classist as fuck. With garment design there’ll always be limits on what’s possible in terms of digital translation. This isn’t actually garment design though. It’s fashion design. If I’m stuck with a low-grade clip and some jpegs, it’s pretty clear to me you don’t care about your wider fashion community. There should be an open digital experience that feels equally cared for and crafted. And here’s where I get really angry: all these fashion journalists have been delivered this unique, beautiful experience, and what are they doing with it? Where is the thoughtful response? Every single one of these people in this privileged position should be DOING THEIR JOBS (WHICH THEY ARE PAID TO DO, FULL TIME) and WRITE ABOUT FASHION. Not post online, ‘omg lovee ittt, so cutee!’. Anyone can do that. Are you a fan or a professional? This is an embarrassment. I’m stuck analysing some pixels. You’re getting the ‘real’ experience. I know I’ll never be an insider given these opportunities. I chose this path and I’m not going to try and play that game, because the rules are: you get access, in exchange for sacrificing criticality. Because these people, as educated and privileged as they are, don’t understand the value of criticism. Good criticism, the detailed, even handed, unafraid kind, pushes the culture forward. You can’t have a healthy art form without it, it’s essential because it’s the back in the back and forth. I probably could’ve tried to play their silly PR game a bit harder. But I had a nervous breakdown, in part, because I knew I would never be allowed to get close to the art enough to analyse it fairly if I spoke freely as I do now. And freedom is essential. So, pixels it is. Rudeness it is. Because there is work to do to salvage the bottom-dwelling wreck of our fashion dreams so that maybe we can travel somewhere new and better with them. It just sucks that there’s people standing there with the tools to help and no desire to save themselves or anyone else.

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amwritingmeta · 5 years

Note

Hey! What’s your take on where Destiel’s headed with the end of the season? I’ve been unfollowing some people who have been very negative about the show. They’re allowed their feelings and opinions, of course, but I’m kind of at a weak point in my life right now and just can’t handle the negativity. I’m personally ready for the angst, and let’s face it, one of the reasons I love Destiel is because of their unhealthy dynamics.

Hi, love!

Ohhh, good question. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, actually, (shocker I know) so getting to write it out is a good thing. I thank you! :)

I’m sorry that you’ve felt affected by the negativity you’ve seen, but I’m glad you made the decision to put some distance between that negativity and yourself. Self-care and being honest with yourself about what you want to and perhaps especially what you can and can’t handle is so important! And being able to recognise it and make that choice for yourself is an immense strength, so whatever point in your life you’re at and whatever brought you there, I hope you lean on that.

To your question! And, oh, the Destiel question complex, dude!

I’ll start out by saying that Destiel exists within the weave of this narrative as an important possibility for deepening the message of this narrative.

I’ll add that I believe Dean and Cas were set up as romantic from the first episode of S4 (come hell or Eric Kripke bitchslapping me for reading too deeply into things) and that Cas was meant to be a catalyst for Dean beginning to see a reason to face his biggest fear, step out of the role of weapon and into his true identity, yeah?

Okay, I’ll elaborate on that.

But first I want to say that, for all the Destiel meta I’ve posted on this blog, for all the Destiel focused analysis and the flailing and squealing and the tagging of the greatest love story ever told (through subtext) I feel I have tried to be clear about the fact that this narrative, as a whole, is not centred on our love story.

Bear with me, there’s a point to this statement and I assure you I believe Destiel will happen, because I believe the writers wouldn’t spend all that thought-power on baking in such delicious subtext if what they were striving for wasn’t to have that subtext brought into text and doing what it was always meant to do, which is deepen the message of the narrative as a whole. #daretodefy

(let me also be clear that me believing is not the same as me promising it will happen okay?) (I just have complete faith that it will) (let me outline why) (and if you don’t want an earnest and personal dissection of my way of analysing the narrative that is also rather unromantic, but lands in all the positivity, then please look away now!) :)

When reading the love story arc, I can’t dismiss or overlook the importance of the individual arcs for Dean and Cas, because Supernatural’s overarching themes are freedom, choice and identity, which are all interlinked, of course, and the characters are each of them playing a part in exploring these themes and are pushing for these themes to come together into a message related to freedom, choice and identity.

That’s how narrative structure works, yeah?

I love these three men like they were my own. They live in my mind and have a piece of my heart and that’s not just me paying lip service. They’ve changed me, you know? Changed how I understand myself. So it’s not breezily I distance myself from them as people and look at them as basic narrative tools meant to help the writers make a statement about the world we live in and about how to live in it.

But that is what they are. That’s what they have to be in terms of narrative analysis. It’s all about asking the questions What does this mean for his progression? but also fitting that into What does this mean for the whole? How does this fit with what’s come before? And as far as speculation is concerned, landing in: What does that mean for what might follow? Yeah? Still with me? :P

So then, here’s the biggest thing that’s very easy to forget to underline when talking about Destiel: however real the love story is, this narrative does not exist for or revolve around the love story.

I think this is so, so important to remember.

The message of this series will be deepened if the love story is brought to surface text and the ginormaneous fuck you to the traditional (straiiiiiight) way of perceiving love and how love should be and how it should act and what it should look like is delivered by the end of S15.

And the effectiveness of the delivery is determined by the fact that it’s a traditional white male hero set to act as symbol for leaving that closed-minded and societally conditioned bullshit behind.

But the love story, to me, is the bright red bow around the overarching thematic message of facing your internal fears and finding your way to who you truly are. Because that’s what freedom is. And it’s freedom begotten through trial and error. Through learning from your mistakes and all those choices you’ve made. Yeah? That’s the core of the show. That’s what we’re watching here.

*and it is beautiful*

It’s also the thematic premise that unites the individual arcs of Dean, Sam and Cas, and now Jack as well. (but Jack is a mirror for all of them so his arc was bound to be a reflection, right?)

So when I think about what’s right for Destiel, first I look at where Dean and Cas are at in terms of this hugely important, overarching theme of identity, which is what is guiding their individual arcs towards a moment of catharsis.

I just cannot believe that a show that has spent close to a decade and a half exploring the idea of individuation would bring its lovers together and have them make each other whole.

I believe they need to first be whole in themselves, with all the self-worth that would bring on.

Which is why all the enormous internal progression that’s been given to us over the last few seasons, particularly in Dean, but in Cas and Sam too, has been so exciting to me! Because it’s a push for them all to reach a moment of individuation. And for Dean and Cas, that means believing themselves worthy of love and happiness!

Which is why the love story is the bright red bow, yeah? Because through making it surface text and letting them finally get together they’re given this huge reward for doing all that internal work, right?

And both of them reaching a point of individuation and laying the foundation for internal balance (because staying balanced is a continuing internal process of self-awareness and self-care) would be what allows the narrative to effectively send its message out to the world: let no one tell you who you are, you choose who to be, and good things await you if you dare to open yourself up to your true identity.

Well, then where are Dean and Cas at in their individual arcs as of 14x17?

(um got long…) :)

Dean

Dean battled with toxic masculinity representatives pushing awareness on him all through S13, so when Michael came around, Dean could now recognise him for what he was - his shadow.

Only, the awareness brought on an unconscious identity crisis that left Dean incapable of facing down his biggest fears and instead of engaging with the needed shadow work, Dean, in fear, decided to simply give up and give in and drown himself, because he couldn’t imagine what his identity could possibly be without this side to him pretty much in charge of him, yeah?

Taking control means admitting you’re out of control, and for someone so in need of control, admitting that you really don’t have any control over yourself is terrifying. So I get it.

It’s just that Dean’s inability to engage in shadow work and opening up to being honest with himself about the imbalance within him led to his shadow infecting the regressed side to Dean that was always in most need of acknowledgement: his neglected inner child. (represented by Jack)

Here’s what Dean needs: to let Sam go.

No, I don’t mean as in say goodbye forever and move cross country.

I mean, he has to let Sam be the adult he’s been for a very long time. He has to trust that Sam can take care of himself. Because even though I think Dean consciously recognises Sam as a grown man, unconsciously he is very, very stuck in the emotional patterns tied directly to Protect Sammy.

Dean sees Sam as his kid, and this was even underlined in 14x17 through how it opens on a board game Dean used to love as a kid before Mary died, and ends with Dean playing a game with his brother to keep him conscious.

Sam saying: You always put me first. Your whole life.

Honestly it continues to blow me away, because that exactly is the issue here. Dean never puts himself first. Ever.

His purpose is still to Protect Sammy at all costs.

And his neglected inner child is suffering for it, because Dean never had a childhood, and until he can admit to himself that Protect Sammy has damaged him in ways that he has to come to terms with, without feeling like he’s in any way betraying Sam, but rather opening up to acknowledging that neglected inner child, who is so starved for love and affection, Dean will never be able to confront his fears, expel them and in so doing integrate his shadow.

How exactly this is supposed to happen I wouldn’t dream of speculating on, but, to me, it does feel like this is what the narrative is circling for him. Because he’s aware of so many things. He’s aware of what the codependency has done to Sam and how it’s shaped his view on life and their joint purpose.

If we die, we do that together. Yeah?

And Dean doesn’t want that for Sam. And he’s tried to let go this season. And he’s tried to make Sam let go. But they keep coming back to well-worn paths, don’t they? And they still can’t find that balance in their relationship. Like how Dean just decided to leave Jack by himself in 14x16 and Sam’s annoyance at the deception, while Sam didn’t just step on Dean’s decision and override it in the moment, however much Sam was questioning it and disagreeing with it.

Oh, Sam. So much crap bottled up. Gah!

And then we can ask ourselves where Cas is at, and it’s an interesting at.

Cas

If you’ve taken a gander at my 14x08 meta on Cas and his shadow and the glory that is Carl Jung’s doctrine, then you know what I’m about to write, which is that Cas, at the start of S14, had come much further than Dean in his shadow work. In fact, the way I read S13 after Meredith Glynn planted the idea of a Jungian perspective on the narrative in my head is all to do with Cas doing a lot of shadow work and effectively reaching a point, at the start of S14, where he’s beginning to become truly self-aware.

The way he communicates with Jack about family and about belonging at the start of S14 is very different to the lost and rather adrift way he speaks about belonging with Mary in S12. Then Cas didn’t know if he truly fit in at the bunker, but now, and after the brothers markedly fought for him in 12x12, of course, he’s at a point where he’s actively referring to it as his home.

He also confronted the worst side to himself, his worst nightmare, a shadow representative in AU!Cas in S13, and not only killed this nightmare version, but acknowledge that he carries that nightmare version inside of himself.

So because Cas engaged in shadow work the moment he was confronted with his shadow representative (the Empty) in 13x04 and stood up to it and demanded his freedom, leading to all sorts of character progression throughout S13 and leaving him quite balanced at the start of S14, in 14x08, his shadow came to put a goddamn end to Cas’ growing self-worth and awareness, and the shadow came for the representative of that awareness for Cas: Jack.

And Cas, instead of giving into his shadow and handing over awareness, made a deal, trading his happiness for remaining in control of himself. Rather than drown in his fears, he confronted them and said no, I’m not giving into you.

But.

One fear had to remain in spite of this confrontation and saying no.

And it’s the biggest fear of all, for him as well as for Dean. And it’s the fear that stands in the way of either of them being able to fully open up to what they want for themselves.

What is it?

Indeed, it’s the fear of happiness.

Now, it would be grand to say that happiness in all things for Dean and Cas are explicitly tied to them getting it on already. But I would gently argue that it actually isn’t. And if I’m right, because I might not be and if I’m wrong then, omg, bring on the smooches NOW, I really don’t mind, but if I’m right, then I believe it strengthens the love story, rather than weakens it in any way.

Because?

Because then the fear of happiness is tied into the series overarching theme of identity, which makes sense to me that it would be. And it ties right back around to the theory that for Dean and Cas to be happy together, they first have to be happy in themselves. To be together, they first have to answer the questions Who am I? and Who do I want to be?

Essentially: What do I want?

So, real happiness is tied to them recognising and embracing their true identities.

For Dean this is all to do with letting go of Sam as identity marker, letting go of Protect Sammy as life purpose, and putting himself first. (for once) There’s a helluva lot of baggage for him to rummage through to get there, because his entire self-worth has, for practically his whole life, been tied to taking care of and looking out for Sam. Yeah? So I’m curious, if I’m even in the ballpark with this reading and this is what really needs to happen before anything else can really happen, how the writers will approach truly breaking the codependency once and for all.

I’ve always had this sense that it’s on Sam to properly instigate it by stepping out from Dean’s shadow, and Sam is being a research God and getting shit done and solving problems like it’s nobody’s business so maybe… We shall see!

For Cas… Well, anyone following this blog will know what I’ve got to say about Cas and his true identity, yeah?

For him to choose to cut out his grace and become human.

Cas has gone through many stages in his progression, but I do believe he’s repressing his true want because it’s such an absolute affront to Heaven, to God, to the strict rule book of angel/human interaction that Cas has been brought up on. (so his conversation with Anael in 14x17 was just manna from Heaven to me)

Choosing a human life, to him, isn’t anything he’s even considering and I think that’s actually telling, because he’s avoiding even the hint of happiness like the plague, and I believe humanity has always been where the root of happiness truly lies for him. Because it’s his true form, you know? Not this in between thing he is rn.

*still makes me want to cry that he called himself a thing*

I mean, the whole Making a Big Choice thing could be circumvented by the fact that Cas cutting out his grace is the same as him not having to fear happiness anymore, because as a human he doesn’t belong in the Empty. So he could essentially realise that he can free himself from the deal, and then, actually, understand (when the Empty shows to nab him in his happiest moment) that humanity is what he wanted for himself all along. Like holy fuck THIS is what happiness truly feels like. *personal freedooooooom* *individuatioooooon*

But I wonder at what would bring about such a choice - whatever the scenario - with drama on the horizon, so I’m doubting this choice will happen this season.

(if at all) (let me be clear) (human!Cas is just what I - and others with me! - see as the narrative push for his progression) (it’s not a 100% has to happen or bust) (I mean it kinda is to my mind and I’ll be hella curious to learn what the big turning point is for him if it’s not realising he doesn’t even really think of himself as an angel anymore) (I feel he’s been transitioning since S4 tbh) (from angel to man…)

Anyway, that was one helluva roundabout way of landing in an actual answer to your question. Phew! Sorry this got so very long!!

The answer to your question is that I’m not expecting any sort of textual Destiel before the end of this season.

I am, however, very excited to see exactly what the subtext is about to deliver with the next episode. And, well, I suppose what the text will deliver, too, because Dean is textually telling Cas that he’s screwed up badly enough that Dean is ready to threaten to shut him out of his life. I mean. Drama. Right?

And, look, the thing to take away is that everything is connected.

The individual arcs are influenced by the joint arcs (Sam and Dean and Dean and Cas) and the joint arcs progress thanks to the growth happening in the individual arcs.

The love story arc doesn’t exist in a vacuum all on its own, but I do believe its conclusion is the needed punctuation mark for both Dean and Cas’ individual journeys, because their individual progression would never have been what it is right now in the narrative without the other there to act as catalyst and northern star.

And you can see it. Because when you take one of them out of the story, the progression of the other stops dead in its tracks. And it’s something I’ve always loved the subtlety of. And it’s really what has me convinced beyond any doubt that there will be a satisfactory conclusion, too. It would leave such a hole if there wasn’t and I think the writers would feel it like a wound in the brain.

(#daretodefy)

And hey, I think that the unhealthy dynamics between them - with the absolutely atrocious lack of communication in moments that truly matter at its core - are all about the unhealthy imbalance within. So fingers crossed they’re getting on that introspection train. They won’t lose the sass and the throwing bitch faces at each other, you know? The fact that they question the other’s choices is actually part of the healthy in their dynamic. But, yeah, man… if they could just know when to speak up and when to share and when to…

Yeah.

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blueyesandleatherjacket · 4 years

Text

The Fallen, 8/17

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 8/17.

Pairings: Nine x Rose.

A/N: Tagging @thebookster on her demand.

“We've all fallen, but at the same time we're not broken. There is the hint that we are going to get up again.” - Amy Lee.

CHAPTER 8:

“So, you’re fresh from the war. Damaged. Broken. Shattered. And you meet that girl. Rose Tyler. She’s showing you that life is worth fighting for. Traveling with her makes you feel alive again. Until her life is threatened. You sacrifice yourself for her to life.” “Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing.” Nash shrugged. She had to pretend that she couldn’t understand the beauty of such a sacrifice. The concept of giving a life to save another should have been unknown to her as an assassin. Giving a life to save the one of the persons you loved was out of her reach though. She never had the chance to meet her soulmate but she had people she would die for. “But it doesn’t go as planned. You feel something is wrong…” “No, that’s not how it went. I just realised I didn’t want to leave her or my ship.” “Your time machine.” “Oh, she’s so much more than a time machine.” “A space ship.” “You’re so far from the truth.” “Anyway, the Doctor was gonna change into another man…” “Yep. And I was gonna die. And I had that irrational and universal thought that I wasn’t ready to die, that there was more to live. I made the wish to be sent back on Earth to stay around the woman I love.” “Even unsure that she would follow you?” “She was left with a new man. She trusted me, my daft old face… He certainly was prettier and younger and funnier to make a perfect match with her but he still remained a stranger. What would you have done?” No response. “I wanted to stay in her life but I woke up in Manchester with that deep conviction that something was wrong.” “Because you sensed that you had half of that Bad Wolf left in your mind.” “And since I could feel the other half around, it meant Rose still had it in hers.” “Which could be fatal to both of you.” “You’ve got it.” “So that Bad Wolf has quite amazing abilities. Meaning you’re some kind of superhuman now. You’ve got the control of Time and you can change whatever you want to. You’re also a telepathic being and you can access people’s mind and create a real mess in there. Change someone’s history, create false memories or erase it all.” “That’s not exactly how it works. There are rules.” “Who cares for the rules when you’re that powerful?” “I have a consciousness. So does the Bad Wolf. You can’t use its power for personal or evil purposes. Time Lords made the rules. They engraved it in their genetic codes. Anyone meddling with Time would go mad.” “Time Lords are megalomaniac. How could they not go against the rules?” “Oh, some have tried. And they paid the price.” “What about you?” “I ran away from home as soon as I could. Their philosophy wasn’t for me. I had my own dreams.” “What now?” “I intend to leave this place, find my Rose and survive this almost human life. Quite boring, I know.” “And the Bad Wolf?” “I only possess a part of its power. I can’t do much. Need my other half to be able to really do something with that power. Unless…” The Doctor voluntarily chose to stop his sentence there, to show a hesitation. Nash would get more curious if he wasn’t giving her all the answers. Or pretending to giving her the answers. He couldn’t forget that she was manipulated by Jeremy Backfire and that his goals weren’t clear enough. No need to give him what he desired by mistake. Better not give them Rose and the other half of the Wolf. He would die protecting them. Dying was exactly the card he was gonna play. So far, the Wolf and him had worked together but he was always in charge, except for some incidents that had happened now and then. The Wolf was remaining hidden for its own safety. I t was just fixing the damages Nash was creating to its human shell when she was done. He would have died a long time ago without this power, which ironically was also killing him. “Unless what? Is there another card you wanna play? You think that talking all the way through that session will save your ass? We can’t even tell what’s true and what’s not.” “It’s up to you to believe me or not. But just so you know, I am fully human and humans can’t handle the power currently stuck in my head.” “Which means?” “I’m slowly dying. The power is burning everything in me and you’re speeding the process up with your methods.” Nash smirked. Maybe she believed him and was concerned for him deep down, but on the outside, she had to act like she didn’t. She had to pretend it was a trick when the doctor inside her wanted to check his words and save him. She couldn’t see it, the power burning his mind and causing rage fits and complete blackouts when he was alone in his cell. He was holding on pretty well so far but he didn’t have much time left. They would realise it soon enough. “Nice try, Doctor.” That new voice turned his blood to ice. Jeremy had been there all along the session and had witnessed their exchange. That explained why she was so tensed and acting like the Quiston Assassin she had once been. Well, you never ceased to be an assassin. You just learnt how to hide this part deep inside you. The Doctor was well placed to know that. Jeremy was done with these games. Now was the time for round two. If the Doctor didn’t want to say the truth, he was gonna talk to his other self, the one he was keeping hidden all the time, and there was only one way to force him out. He came in the room and dismissed Nash who obeyed wordlessly. He pushed the machine to the maximum. However, the Doctor was strong and he resisted. Him and his Wolf were a powerful team. Powerful enough for Jeremy to fly off the handle. The yellow room wasn’t enough. He had to hit harder. The Doctor was breathless. All his body was suffering from the electricity that had just gone through it. He laughed in Jeremy’s face instead of complaining and raging. He was rewarded with a punch in the face. It added more to his physical pain but didn’t affect his mood. He was determined not to let Jeremy win, no matter the cruel things he had in mind to torture him. It was certain that he wouldn’t like them at all. Jeremy was furious. He turned around, opened a drawer and pulled out a needle. He checked the label on it. They had invented a special mix for him. One that wouldn’t wear off in the minutes that followed the injection. One that would keep him awake but unable to move or speak or think. The fluid was injected straight in his jugular vein and slowly followed the course of blood to spread in his whole body until there was nothing of him that could react to Jeremy’s threats. When the Doctor was completely paralysed, Jeremy called a bunch of his subjects to transfer the patient in another room he had never seen before. It looked like an OR, with red walls. There was a metallic table in the centre where he was strapped down. He couldn’t move at all but they were taking no risk. His head was placed in a surgical vice? All around him, the walls and furniture were immaculate, sterilised. There was a whole collection of tools for surgery, all perfectly sterile and waiting to be used on a new Guinea pig. Behind the strong smell of bleach, there was the smell of terror, of blood, of urine. Many had been taken there before him and many had suffered from irremediable damages. Today, the Doctor was gonna get familiar with the red room. Here, they weren’t gonna flood his brain with electricity. They were gonna go further. They were gonna explore the brain itself, for real. Jeremy Backfire was nowhere close to being a neurologist. That was gonna be a disaster. “Well, Doctor, it’s about time we use brand new methods. Forget about the soft ones Nash was using on you. Now, I’m taking the control of your case.” Jeremy slipped a finger down the collection of tools, seemingly looking for the proper one to choose. His mind was already set on the scalpel but making the choice last was playing on the Doctor’s nerves. Everything to make the unwavering man drop his mask of confidence he was wearing so proudly. “See, Doctor, I want something from you and I’m ready to get it at any price.” Jeremy placed his cold hand on the Doctor’s face and folded his ear to clear the way. The scalpel stroked his skin, just above the ear, and cut the tender skin deeply. Blood flowed and ran down his neck. Jeremy put the scalpel down, grabbed a drill and tested it. He pressed the trigger a couple times to make sure it was working. Then he drilled a hole in the Doctor’s skull. The patient was conscious. He was feeling everything and couldn’t defend himself or scream. A brain surgery without anaesthetics. It was gonna push him beyond his limits and forced the Wolf to come out. Exactly what Jeremy was wishing for. He inserted a little sensor in the hole. The Doctor didn’t see it properly but he felt it. A sensor inside his brain. It could have been a sensor to monitor his brain’s activity but he sensed that it was for another purpose. Another method of torture that needed two holes and two sensors, one on each side of his head. He had been scared of death once. Right now, he surprised himself to think that it would be a relief. Jeremy wouldn’t give him that. “Oh, now, you’re scared, big ears,” commented Jeremy, amused. “Excellent. That’s the right attitude. It means you’re gonna give me what I want.” The Doctor did, and not because he chose to. Actually, he tried to resist as much as possible but being electrocuted straight in the brain was proved to be efficient as a torture method. The human abandoned the battle in less than ten minutes. The pain and death threat hanging above its host’s head compelled the Time Entity sleeping in his mind to come out and protect him. So far, it had been too weak to even show up but it had found out that feeding on the evil vibes and negative emotions that were filling this place was more satisfying than feeding on a Time rift like the TARDIS needed. Being in a human body didn’t only have drawbacks. It could now take control and show that damn man who was the real boss around here. The Doctor’s eyes turned gold and a loud growl came from his throat. In the second, all the restraints and sensors vanished in golden particles and the Doctor, possessed by the Wolf, was on his feet. The cuts healed themselves. Jeremy stepped back, a smirk on his lips. He was scared of course. He knew partly what the Wolf was capable of. It was better not to make it angrier. It was mad enough at the moment. “There you are.” “Oh, so I’m the one you expected to see? You happy? Good. Because that’s the last thing you will ever have done in your miserable little life.” The Wolf took another step toward Jeremy. It wanted to lay its hands on him and feel his body disintegrating as it erased him from time and space, as he reduced his whole existence to dust. It had been provoked, but it also had been given the strength to finally be in charge. Wiping Jeremy away would also wipe Maxence away and that wasn’t an option. It had to reduce Jeremy to nothing and yet, keep him alive. There was one simple way to have its revenge on him and run away from here to find the real Doctor. “You think we didn’t plan it all? That we didn’t take any measure for the day you would come out again?” “Oh, you’re getting clever.” “Always have been.” The Wolf snorted, “What do you want from me?” “Do you even have to ask?” “Pure politeness.” Because the Wolf was already in his head and looking for the information it desired. Which wasn’t complicated. Humans were open books. They didn’t have any lock or any barrier to protect their minds. If they knew what was living among them, what was coming for them in the future, they would protect themselves better. At the moment though, it was an opportunity. “Hm. Humans are predictable but you have the merit of being different. On some points at least.” That hospital was only a façade. They were using this asylum to hide their real activities. Their basement had been turned into a lab and a prison for non-terrestrial species. The place was protected by all the human technology available at this time and it was doubled with some alien technology. They were capturing every alien specimen they could find and experimenting on them to get as much information as they could get. Worse than Van Statten and Torchwood. Jeremy had even offered himself some upgrades with this data. And one day, he had heard about the Doctor. “You want me. You want my power to rewrite yourself. My power and my immortality. Basic.” “I want the Doctor and I can’t reach him without you.” “You want to use me to get him?” The Wolf scoffed. “The Doctor left me on Earth, stuck in the mind of his now human former self who didn’t want to die. Do you think he cares about the bomb I am? If he did care, he would have taken me out of here and you wouldn’t have known a thing about it.” “He hasn’t come because he doesn’t know. We caught you before you could do anything and this place intercepts most of the calls. Telepathic or not. You did call him but if he got the message, he never came around.” The Wolf clenched its fist and a golden glow travelled through his veins. The anger burnt in its hosts body and mind. If it had any limit, Jeremy would have crossed them. It was about time to break the man once and for all. “You can’t have me or my power. I won’t let you. And if you want the Doctor to come, draw his attention with something big. Big ball of troubles. He loves that.” “I don’t remember giving you the choice.” Jeremy wasn’t losing his impertinence. “I can’t do anything to neutralise you completely and force you to obey, but I can still break your human shell.” “Go on, try.” Jeremy smirked. The Wolf pressed a hand on his face to reduce his brain to a puddle of grey cells, to make a vegetable of him. It should have seen it coming but it was one of those grey zones. The moments always in flux. The ones where a decision needed to be made. And Jeremy had just taken his when the Wolf chose to attack instead of submitting. There was a whistle caused by a flying object and the Wolf felt a distinct sting in his thigh. A needle. “YOU THINK IT’LL STOP ME?” it roared. It was really mad now. It began the process of killing Jeremy from the inside. Its other hand grabbed his throat and lifted him from the ground. He was struggling against the hand strangling him, his feet dangling in the air, but his face showed a clear victorious expression. “I was just the distraction,” he panted. The door of the room flew open and someone shot five times. The Wolf roared louder as the five needles jabbed in its back. It let go of Jeremy to run to the person who had dared shooting it. But it found itself unable to move anymore. It was losing its power, its control and slowly being numbed by the drugs he had been given. The Doctor couldn’t take over for the moment so the Wolf fought. In vain. It fell to its knees, to Jeremy’s feet who was watching him with a victorious smile. “I always get what I want, Maxence. You should know that.” Those were the last words the Wolf could hear before it completely fell to the ground, beaten by the high dose of modified drugs they had shot him with. Nash would have a furious Wolf to deal with on their next appointment. It wasn’t gonna forget or forgive that. Jeremy would pay for that. Not from the cell. It wanted to face this asshole when it would get his revenge. Just for fun. It would carve it in its memories to never forget. It would laugh about it. However, it would have to wait until later. The nurses chained up the Doctor’s body again and dragged him to his room. Since he was deeply asleep, they didn’t even bother carrying him. Dragging him was less tiring. They threw him in his cell and took away the chains before they left and locked the door behind them.

To be continued...

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#doctor who #ninth doctor #rose tyler #doctor x rose #dwfic #the fallen

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goth-pirate · 5 years

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what is your opinion on all the todorokis?

Is this for me, or dabi?

If it's for dabi i mean. You know he hates Endeavor. And his siblings are his siblings. A lot of his feelings are compromised by trauma. He feels bad about leaving todoroki the most. He was just a baby, and he knew he was destined to go through the same abuse. As someone who went through what it's like to be shaped into a tool by Endeavor, he felt worse as time went on after he left knowing that his little brother definitely went through the same thing. Especially since todoroki is "better fit" for Endeavor's purpose.

If it's for me (im going off the dabi todoroki theory, though I don't even really need to)

I hate Endeavor too. It should be obvious why. He's an abuser and an idiot obsessed with his own power. As someone who witnessed and experienced abuse as a kid I take it seriously when characters are abusers or survivors of abuse.

I adore Todoroki and I'm encouraged by him in several ways. One being how he makes a point to not be what his dad wants him to be, and to keep working towards being the best person he can be despite his emotional and physical scars.

I don't know much about Fuyumi and Natsuo. All I know is that Fuyumi is in denial which is annoying though I understand why. And Natsuo seems like he most likely is angry and stuck, unable to really do anything. Both of them no doubt have emotional baggage and trauma centered around feeling inadequate and treated as worthless "failed experiments" by their own parent. I identify a lot with Natsuo. I'm the kind of person that wants to fix things immediately and can't handle waiting around very well, unable to do anything. He has no patience when it comes to Endeavor. I personally believe that he's gone far past hoping he'll change. He just wants him in jail, off the hero charts, and paying for everything he's done. So that they can finally, at long last, be safe and begin to recover.

For Rei, I think I feel the same way about her that a lot of people do: sorry. Her own children were abused before her very eyes, and she couldn't intervene without getting abused herself. She was basically a punching bag emotionally and physically, much like her kids.

Now, for dabi. As you can probably tell, I love Dabi with all of my heart. I'm rooting for him and I'm proud of him. He's not a great person, he's a villain and a criminal because of genuinely cold-hearted crimes. But he means a lot to me in regards to what he went through and where/what he is now. He survived abuse, and decided that he wanted freedom. And then he WENT OUT AND GOT IT. He was abused for not being what his parent wanted him to be, and found the strength to say "fuck you i don't need to be what you want". And after all of that, he's trying to make the world a better place! Even though I don't agree with the execution of his beliefs, he believes in creating a world where people like Endeavor can't be heroes. And he's trying to make that real. I know what it's like to be beaten so bad that you don't want to get up again. Dabi is really encouraging for me in terms of independence and getting up again.

#mun answers #bnha #dabi #todoroki dabi theory #todoroki natsuo #todoroki shouto #todoroki fuyumi #rei todoroki #endeavor #long post #tw abuse

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chipped-bowl-of-soup · 5 years

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Integrity Blues Thoughts

This album is just on a different level compared to the other Jimmy albums, which considering the strength of their discography is saying something! Justin Meldal-Johnsen’s production really does wonders for the album, especially in the bass department, and it really enhances the overall sound and feel of the album and pulls you in. Then there’s the lyrics, again, Jim’s best to date with a level of introspection and framing that is incredibly poignant.

Rest under cut but feel free to add

You Are Free, The End is Beautiful and Pol Roger are all perfect example of this. I’ve already mentioned that as someone who has struggled with their sexuality for a long time, listening to You Are Free for the first time was over whelming. Especially the lines, "Amazing the effort we put in / Amazing the emotional bridges, tunnels, roads, and ways / We go around what's one step from our face". And, " Everyone has their opinions / But I'm the one that's gotta walk it / So much fear to get over / And so much pain to get past / Wish there was an easy way through / Wish there was a way to learn it all / And have my bright new shiny tools / Without the cost attached". The anthemic nature of the lyrics are then all encapsulated and enhanced by the swelling guitars and drums (I really love the drumming on this track, especially before the chorus).

You are Free is then followed by The End is Beautiful and having really immersed myself in this album for this discussion these two one after another had me on the verge of tears. “I was taped up to fight / I had my speech ready / Then like only you can, you stole the air out from me” is another line that gets me and perfectly articulates that experience of being frustrated with someone but you both realising that the anger is useless. The really stripped back instrumentation of this track really lets Jim’s vocals shine as well, there’s so much pain and yet acceptance in his delivery.

Jims vocals are just great on this album, he doesn’t have the strongest voice or a massive range but he pours such emotion into his delivery on every song. There are three moments that really stuck out to me, the first being the one I’ve mentioned a few times now from Pol Roger, “I'd say get on and close the bedpost curtains / Pretend the ground is fire / I know that'd make you smile” with the wistfulness in the delivery, you can almost hear the smile. Pol Roger is also just an incredible closer, I like the explanation someone gave a while back about it being about long distance relationships, which with the bands lifestyle you’ve got to imagine is a really personal one for Jim. I think there’s also a running theme in it of being ok by yourself, which I’m maybe reading too much into but it’s a theme I relate to. Then the title track has probably his strongest vocal performance to date and again lyrically it’s just so poignant and encapsulates the theme of the album that was summarised in the letter that Jim published when announcing the album. The final one is actually earlier on the album on Pretty Grids the line “There's a chance I meet your eyes if I move in”, for want of better words, there’s a real swagger and smoulder to his delivery of that line, which given I think he said the song is about the start of a relationship when everything is new and exciting fits really well. The bridge on Pretty Grids is amazing and the bass line after if is so good!

The bass on Pass the Baby is so good as well but in general it’s kind of a weird one for me. Jim has apparently said it's about the unintended effects of manipulation and it coming back to bite you. Lyrically I can't see that but musically I completely get it, the song does a complete 180 coming in with that end break down section which is unreal live. It flows nicely into Get Right which is a solid rocker and bridge really elevates it. I also relate to the theme of being so set on this ideal future/goal that you don’t focus on the here and now. Through is also another great rocker with a great solo and a welcome burst of energy after the emotional wrangling that was You Are Free and The End is Beautiful.

The first three songs are probably the weakest of the album, You With Me I actually really do like, the choir opening (I’m not sure if that’s the correct term so feel free to correct me) is beautiful. Sure and Certain and It Matters both just don’t click with me for some reason, I think it’s that even despite the heart breaking lyrics of It Matters, they both just feel flat compared to the other songs? Plus, I definitely overplayed Sure and Certain before Integrity Blues came out and was bitter it was an encore song when I saw them live during this tour.

Integrity Blues is just such a personally resonant album, it came out about a month after I had finished my Masters, was unemployed and feeling directionless and without any real purpose which just left me in a really bad place and I really needed this album. Which is why I don’t expect to like Surviving as much, but I am still looking to forward to it!

#Music #Jimmy Eat World #Integrity Blues

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lj-writes · 5 years

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Finn and Rey versus capitalism

Finn's and Rey's stories can be read as representing the different facets of capitalist exploitation of workers, and their striking back at the First Order was also the beginning of their liberation. They were being held back by the fight by the abusive and false beliefs that had been instilled into them, and it was only by their love and trust in each other that they started seeing through the lies and started on their paths as heroes.

Finn was at the elite end of the workforce, in a position where he was given no real choice but was relentlessly fed the propaganda that he was in an enviable position, indeed the only tenable position in a universe full of danger and darkness. He was never allowed to ask whether he wanted anything else out of life because all other possibilities were painted as unthinkable, as paths to death and destruction.

We know from Before the Awakening that Finn's life as a cadet was strictly regimented, his entire being carefully aimed toward the single end of furthering the First Order's dominance. The only metric of his worth was his accomplishment in areas that the FO had determined to be useful, such as his superb tactical abilities and marksmanship that Phasma openly praised. The cadets' very bodies were measured and policed, as seen with Finn's squadmate Nines being put on an extra exercise and diet regimen because he was deemed too heavy.

This kind of cultish propaganda and the endless pressure to achieve, produce, and conform are often associated with authoritarian communist regimes, but they are also emblematic of the way many experience capitalist systems. So many of us are told that ours is the only moral system, and all opposition equates support for dictatorship. We are encouraged to overlook the structures of incredible brutality that we rely upon. We are told we are worth nothing unless we produce output that is valuable for those in power, and unless we fit into acceptable social conventions.

And of course, none of this is actually for our benefit. For all that we are in a purported meritocracy and are supposed to find fulfillment in being better and achieving more, we at best gain the fleeting approval of people who care nothing about us. Indeed, even though Finn is considered the best of the best in the program, his experience there is defined by alienation and loneliness. He longs to find meaning in the great cause of the First Order, but we all know how that turned out.

Finn's story becomes even more visceral and relatable, I think, if you put it this way: A super-high-achieving student is told that his entire life's meaning is centered around being the best of the best, to uphold the only moral and humane system of governance in the world. He then realizes on his first brush with reality that, hey, he's actually working for the bad guys. He walks away from the only life he's ever known, into what he has been told since he was a child is not a real choice at all but a fall to depravity, instability, and very likely death. He does it anyway because he can't keep living this immoral lie anymore. Such is the strength of the propaganda that he is the only one to walk away and all his classmates stay. They were told that there is no life outside the First Order, but Finn decided to seek it out anyway. In a very real sense he threw his life away, and that is not a choice made easily.

Rey is on the other end of the material spectrum, without even the minimum stability of Stormtrooper life and living at subsistence level if that. The system of exploitation is much less genteel for her; no one bothered to shove perfumed bullshit at her because they don't need to. Her deal is simple: She produces or she starves, and by the way, she's just going to starve more slowly if she produces because there is a monopoly on buying (monopsony, to be more exact) and her buyer can set the price as his likes. She's going to be given the minimum that keeps her from dropping dead and keeps her scavenging. Yay for free markets and entrepreneurial spirit!

Rey, like Finn, is unusually accomplished, and unlike Finn had the advantage of learning what she herself found useful and interesting. The catch is that it doesn't make any difference: She can know ships inside out, train herself to be an accomplished engineer and pilot, and speak multiple languages, but she'll still live in a tent and go hungry.

The one way she could use her considerable skills to improve her circumstances was by leaving and seeking better employment, something Finn pointed out she could always do and something Han offered her in TFA. She could not, however, because Niima Outpost also offered her the only chance of an emotional attachment that she had been forcibly separated from. Unlike Finn she had no illusions about the justice of the system she lived under, but she was just as trapped because of her need to belong and be loved.

We see a lot of Reys in real life, and we may be her ourselves: An educated and skilled go-getter who works multiple jobs and whatever gigs come her way, but still lives in precarious poverty no matter how hard she works. She could seek something better if she wanted to, but is stuck by human connections, family, friends, or just the fear that she is unlovable and will never find acceptance elsewhere. Leaving is still unthinkable, though for different reasons than someone like Finn who was brainwashed into believing that he was living in a just and moral system.

For both Finn and Rey, their physical departures might have been abrupt but truly leaving behind the lies they were sold took more time. Finn was consumed by the thought that the First Order was all-powerful and all-encompassing. He might no longer be able to believe it was a force for good, but he still believed in its absoluteness. His was not a failure of morality or courage--we know he had more than enough of both--but of imagination. Learned helplessness prevented him from imagining anything but the Order's total victory. There could be no life outside the First Order because it would destroy everything that opposed it. The only solution was to flee from it because turning around to face it meant annihilation.

For Rey, leaving was not a choice but an emergency reaction, one that she tried to reverse once the danger was seemingly past. Like Finn she was still operating under a lie meant to keep her compliant, that she was not lovable and worthy as she was but rather had to wait and prove herself worthy to the only people who would love her. As she finds respect and friendship with Finn, then Han and Chewie, and when Maz gently tells her that her family are never coming back, she gradually comes to see the lie for what it is, but is not yet prepared to take the final leap.

It was only through solidarity and love that Finn and Rey could begin to see past the lies they'd been raised with and begin to fight back. When Finn saw Rey being taken away by Kylo Ren in a heart-shattering sequence, that was the moment he went from "I can't" to "I must." That was when the fight went from an impossible one to liberate the universe to a plausible, if still borderline suicidal, one to save one person. All his considerable passion and energy were turned to the purpose of going back to the very place he once wanted to flee to the end of the galaxy to avoid, and there was nothing he would not do--call in favors, ally with the Resistance, look Leia Organa and Han Solo in the face and lie... er, embellish the truth to them.

When Rey saw Finn in Starkiller Base, the heart of the nightmare he swore to her never to return to, that was when she went from "I'm nobody" to "I am everything." Finn showed her that she was worth everything including life and freedom. As was said in the script, this was all she ever wanted--for someone to come back for her. It was the same gift she had given to Finn earlier, unknowingly: When he revealed himself to be a Stormtrooper, her reaction was not to recoil or lash out but to plead with him not to go. She didn't want a Resistance hero, she wanted Finn, the defected Stormtrooper. I love you just as you are, she told him, and he answered in suitably epic fashion, So do I.

It was on this basis that both Finn and Rey stood up to Kylo Ren, the narcissistic elitist who thought of both Finn and Rey as useful tools at best and as obstacles to be destroyed if they refused to be of use to him. And isn't that a neat little capitalist parable of itself, that for all the lip service to meritocracy the people who actually climb to the top are the douches with famous names, and the only route to the top with them is through their patronage and favor? ("You need a teacher!")

To hell with that, Finn and Rey tell him. To hell with your important family, your inborn power, your casual entitlement. You threaten what I hold dearest in all the universe and for that I will fight you and never stop until one of us is dead. Finn, who had been raised all his life to unquestioning obedience, and Rey, who had been downtrodden all her life, fought back and refused to back down.

It's worth noting that both Finn and Rey's final acts in The Force Awakens are diametrically opposed to their initial starting places. Finn went from "I won't" to "I will." Where at first he refused to do evil and fled to avoid it, at the end he was actively fighting against evil to protect himself and the person he loved. Rey went from "life at all cost" to "love at all cost." Where she was a shrewd survivor at the start of the movie, she gave no more thought to her own life as she refused Kylo Ren's offer and later lay weeping on top of an unconscious Finn on a disintegrating planet.

Evil and exploitative systems rely above all on the passivity of the exploited. Finn was cowed by terror and Rey by the need to survive. Once Finn was no longer terrorized and Rey found something worth more than life itself, the spell of passivity was broken and they became warriors. The key for both of them was love, in seeing each other just as they were and linking hands in mutual compassion and devotion.

How much time do we spend thinking accomplishment and survival define our worth? How many opportunities and what rivers of potential do we waste because we need to fit in to a system of merit, because we have to make a living in a rigged economy? How long have we been told this is the only way and we have to take any amount of crap thrown at us because we have no choice? What would happen if more of us realize that no, we are worth more than this, and we can do and be so much better--together? What could stand in our way then? What kind of world might we mold from that realization?

We might not be there in the real world, but in small pockets, in our relationships and communities, many of us are struggling toward answers. We can seek answers in our imaginations, too, and these imaginary heroes showed us one possible picture of oppressed people standing against brutality, bound together and strengthened by love. It is a fitting dream for our age.

(Originally posted to my Pillowfort blog)

#rebelfinn #rey #finnrey #star wars #the force awakens #meta #anti capitalism #queue are you

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rhyfelwyr · 5 years

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SIREN ------------------ a collection of short Maya drabbles.

i. i was just a kid

It hurt. It hurt and it itched and it burned, but she couldn’t move. If she moved, if she even let out a whimper, she knew she’d get in trouble for it. She was not to speak, not to move. Obey, obey, obey. Her fingers were cramping - cold sweat was pouring down her back. She could hear a woman crying, begging and pleading.

Crying doesn’t help, Maya wanted to tell her. They don’t care for crying. They’ll take what is due, or they’ll take your life. Such was the way of the Order of the Impending Storm. Such was her way.

Her focus was slipping - her energy depleting. Normally, it didn’t take this long for people to give in to the Order’s demands. Just moments of holding them captured in her phaselock was usually enough. But this woman cried and pleaded while the boy - he must be her age, she thought absently, about eighteen - stood there before brother Sophis, hands raised into fists, blood on his lips and one of his blue eyes was slowly swelling shut. His sister - Maya thought she must be only a handful of years older than her - was caught in the web of blue, frozen in time, immobile and stuck in an expression of pure horror. She looked away quickly.

“ We can’t pay, ” the boy said again, frustration gleaming in his eyes, sliding down his cheeks. Sophis wouldn’t have it. “ Your father should’ve thought about it before he got himself killed, ” came his monotone reply. “ Maya? ” He sent a look over his shoulder at her, dark eyes narrowing slightly.

She was a weapon in his hands and she would gladly do as told. It was for the order. It was the way of the land. It was her purpose. Savior - executioner.

The siren let out a slight gasp - power stretching to the limit, and the sister suddenly cried out, the bubble bursting, limp body falling, hitting the ground with a thud. She wasn’t dead - but she would be soon enough. The burns covering her skin would take care of that. Slowly. The boy was crying in earnest now ; hatred in his eyes, directed only to her. But she hadn’t given the command. She’d only executed it.

So she didn’t care.

Taking a step back, she collided with the chest of brother Reqhim - who’s hands descended on her shoulders, keeping her on her feet when she wobbled, knees weak, which she was thankful for. This had to be the longest time she’d held someone in her phaselock yet - and it was consuming all of her energy. Her limbs were trembling and she needed to take several deep breaths - later, she’d be eating for three to get her energy levels back up.

“ See, now - lesson learned, huh? ” She knew brother Sophis would have a pleasant smile on his face. She knew it from her own training, each time she’d failed. He was a stern teacher, awfully harsh and as unbending as steel, but in the end he’d always place his hand on her shoulder and tell her she did well. That every failure was a lesson, and she was a good student. She never made the same mistake twice. She worked hard to never see the disappointment in his eyes again.

His smile was a reward for her, but she didn’t think it would be for this boy.

ii. in plain view

Twenty-four and left with more questions than there were answers. She hadn’t seen brother Reqhim since he’d told her of the other sirens ; of her not being alone in this world. There were up to five others like her at all times, harnessing powers as spectacular as her own. There were planets out there that she’d never heard of before. Wars and creatures and alliances.

She felt small underneath all of that sky. A kid playing at being a deity. What was she doing here, what was her point? Did the other sirens live like this? Revered, feared and loved by people whose faces she rarely saw. As much the name they prayed to as a name they warned children about in order to get them to behave.

Would they stand for living like this? It had taken courage to approach Sophis, her handler, responsible for her education. The face of her youth, the one who knew her better than most ( though she had realized lately that the same could not be said the other way around ). To tell him what she knew, what she’d learned and what she wanted. To see more - to get off this planet and see what more the universe had to offer. To learn more about people like her. He’d encourage it, she’d thought. He always hammered on her education, said it was good that she knew more about her powers. About the limits to which she could push herself.

But instead of his enthusiasm, she’d received a strangely cold stare. An inquiry, how did she come to learn such nonsense, and then, when she told him of brother Reqhim, a small smile and a pat on the shoulder. “ There are times for everything, times where the world beyond will be open to us, and I can assure you, Maya, that expanding beyond this planet will surely happen. But not now. Not when we are still so - unstable. Patience, dear girl. ” And he’d waved her off as if it were nothing.

As if this revelation had meant nothing.

She knew he thought she was stupid. That she couldn’t put two and two together if her life depended on it. Reqhim’s disappearance, his avoiding the topic so thoroughly her questions seemed to fall upon deaf ears at this point. And his threat, just that evening, that if she did not focus on the road ahead and instead on the stars above, he would allow her some solitary time to reflect on her priorities.

Yeah, right. He was going to reduce her world to the room she’d called her own since she could speak until loneliness would leave her promising anything - including to never ask again about places beyond Athenas - to be free of the confines of her jail cell.

Obedience had come to fit her like a too-large jacket. Taught to listen and never question - to assume that all their kills, all HER kills were justice reigning supreme, were only them enforcing the law... It didn’t seem so simple anymore. Structure was good for the people. So she’d been told. So she’d believed.

But perhaps it wasn’t structure so much as greed that drove the order. And Maya wasn’t so sure if she wanted to be used as a tool for their ruthless campaigns.

iii. raise hell

For a long time, Maya had believed that to be a savior was to be both kind and cruel. To both heal the wounds and wield the blades that gave them.

But things hadn’t been right for some time now. For each step she took in a direction she wanted to go, Sophis and the order pushed her two steps back and every single time, she felt like she was unveiling something she wasn’t supposed to see, supposed to realize. A truth that would benefit her, but not the Order.

If I am the savior of these people, am I not supposed to know best? She’d asked one day. You said I’m supposed to always try to learn more - about my abilities, about everything. But when I say I want to see other places, learn about other like me, you hold me back. Why? He’d been shaking his head before she was even done speaking. She had so much left to learn, he’d told her. So much more they could give her. And what would the people do, should they learn she’s absent?

But the thing was, she’d seen how the people looked at her. Oh, there were still a few who showed up to her public appearances. Who still seemed to look at her with reverence. But others didn’t cheer, didn’t cry. No, they just glowered and remained silent. Some, she knew, didn’t even bother showing up anymore. They’d get in trouble for that. Disobedience. Blasphemy.

Or maybe finally done with the tyranny of the order - her false godhood. She was no god, she thought. She was just a woman. A woman with extraordinary powers, yes. But still just human. And now that she knew - she realized that the Order had always known, too. And had used her in her ignorance. Had manipulated the faith and trust she’d had in the men and women who’d raised her since she was a baby, given away by parents who wanted nothing to do with something they’d never understand. A witch.

They’d taken that trust and taken that girl and had made her a weapon - with no regards for the human underneath. Greed was ugly and it colored their auras, filled their eyes. They’d given her a name only for it to be a command. A threat. A tool.

Maya, Maya, Maya.

She’d cut the raw length of her hair off with a pair of scissors she’d nagged from one of the sisters. Had watched the blue strands fall until the ends of her hair tickled her jaw and chin when she moved. She looked older, she’d thought. Sharper. Clearer.

A weight sliding off her shoulders.

Twenty-seven years of roaming these halls had resulted into her knowing every arch and every doorway, the spots where the lights shone brightest and those where she could slide past unseen. She’d gotten her hands on a gun ( Tediore, heavy and not exactly her favorite, but it’d do ), and different clothes. The silken robes they stuck her into would do no good to her. A hood to cover her hair, a jacket for her tattoos.

One more time, she thought to herself. She was going to ask him one more time. Even if she already knew the answer Sophis would give her.

There had been confusion on his face - that, and anger, when she entered his rooms without bothering to announce herself. He’d looked up distracted - a book in his hand, his other hand rubbing tired muscles in his neck. Sophis looked old, she thought. Somehow, she only saw it now. The fine lines of his face, the permanent grooves around his mouth. The grey expanding rapidly from his temples to the ends of his hair.

“ I’m leaving. ”

As if her appearance didn’t give that away. He’d laughed, at first, but when she didn’t budge, he’d grown serious. Moved to his feet. She realized she was taller than him, now. She’d never quite noticed that, either. Sophis had always seemed larger than life. But now he was just a man. " Child, you have so much left to learn. " A statement or a plea, she couldn’t tell the difference. “ Maybe, but I know I don’t want to stay. I told you before - there’s more out there, more that I can learn, things you can’t teach me. Or won’t. ”

She’d rested a hand on the gun at her side, and he finally seemed to notice it. She watched him raise his hands. “ What of your people, Maya? What will they say when their savior, their deity just left them? That they are cursed? All that is holy, taken from their grasp--- ”

“ I’m not holy, ” she said, eyes on him, “ Holy things don’t kill for greed. ” The greed of others, granted, but she’d killed. Part of her had even been fascinated by her ability to do so. Still was, if she had to be honest. “ No - I’m as human as you are, but twice the horror. ” The gun was in her hand, now.

She thought he understood, now. It seemed to dawn on him all of a sudden. Realization, “ Maya --- Maya, you can’t do this - you won’t do this, you--- ” There was only ancient anger in her eyes as she cocked the gun. Aimed.

“ You have no idea what I will do. ”

The next life she took was justified.

#– — – POSTS. [ maya ] .#– — – POSTS. [ in character ] .#– — – DRABBLE. [ maya ] .#I FINISHED IT #please give me feedback i crave it

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