#life is just great

[daisywords]

One of my biggest nitpicks in fiction concerns the feeding of babies. Mothers dying during/shortly after childbirth or the baby being separated form the mother shortly after birth is pretty common in fiction. It is/was also common enough in real life, which is why I think a lot of writers/readers don't think too hard about this. however. Historically, the only reason the vast majority of babies survived being separated from their mother was because there was at least one other woman around to breastfeed them. Before modern formula, yes, people did use other substitutes, but they were rarely, if ever, nutritionally sufficient.

Newborns can't eat adult food. They can't really survive on animal milk. If your story takes place in a world before/without formula, a baby separated from its mother is going to either be nursed by someone else, or starve.

It doesn't have to be a huge plot point, but idk at least don't explicitly describe the situation as excluding the possibility of a wetnurse. "The father or the great grandmother or the neighbor man or the older sibling took and raised the baby completely alone in a cave for a year." Nope. That baby is dead I'm sorry. "The baby was kidnapped shortly after birth by a wizard and hidden away in a secret tower" um quick question was the wizard lactating? "The mother refused to see or touch her child after birth so the baby was left to the care of the ailing grandfather" the grandfather who made the necessary arrangements with women in the neighborhood, right? right? OR THAT GREAT OFFENDER "A newborn baby was left on the doorstep and they brought it in and took care of it no issues" What Are You Going to Feed That Baby. Hello?

Like. It's not impossible, but arrangements are going to have to be made. There are some logistics.

#idk what to tag this #worldbuilding #writing fiction #historical fiction #fantasy #a real-life example: my dad (a pediatrician) was once entrusted with the care of a baby who was born with a rare condition #this was in a place without great hospital/medical access and anyway they were going to fly the baby over #and he specifically asked them to bring the mother and baby #they show up with baby and...the baby's uncle #and he was like. y'all. do you think I asked for the mom to come just for fun??? We don't have formula here. what is the baby going to eat?

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[egophiliac]

like mother, like son, but less wholesome this time?

(I couldn't decide whether or not to put them together, so have them in all the different ways!)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #if i had a nickel for every time a draconia ob'd while trying to save lilia #and had to be taken out by a member of this one specific bloodline with sparkly celestial hair that a fairy blessed #et cetera and so on you know the rest #i mean we know it's going to end better this time but y'know. the parallels! #oh meleanor my beloved #of course...of course she ob'd...it makes sense... #everything about this whole situation just massively sucked for everyone huh #well at least silver's biodad felt guilty about killing her i guess #i dunno i'm just havin' some feelings about all of this #lilia had both the absolute worst and absolute best things about his life come out of all this #down the two great loves of his life and also his job and reputation and 200 years of his life and uhhhh kind of everything else honestly #up some kids though! #(also one of those kids is a baby dragon who is JUST the right size to put silly hats on) #they were worth it to him! or maybe they were worth not giving up? look i am DEEP in the blorbosauce right now #if you don't want to read emotional tags about lilia twistedwonderland then don't come to egophiliac.tumblr.com

[braxiatel]

You know how Grian is bird coded and you know how he canonically has unnaturally big dark eyes?

I posit: potoo!Grian

#the great eared nightjar is also a good option imo #it just doesn’t look nearly as silly #Grian #hermitcraft #3rd life #mcyt #the void collection

[caffichai]

Mudrock torso warning! Do not look below if you don't wanna see torso again!!

Thanks everyone who participated in the poll!

#I have heard the peoples' cries. The people want muscles #I've found that the sexy firefighter calendars are full of great references lol #Please don't tag this as unsafe for work it's just torso! The evangelical Tumblr censors better not block this one again lmao #Arknights #Mudrock #Pixel Art #Artists on Tumblr #Digital Art #She has a super cool outfit but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what was supposed to be what lol #AK

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism. #and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you. #this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off. #your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening . #anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :) #(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what. #cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men. #so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT. #instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them. #which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

[beanghostprincess]

"Kuina's death is ridiculous" yes! That's the point! You do realize that falling down the stairs is a way of showing Zoro how fragile human lives are, right? You are aware that the point of Kuina's character is the unfairness of the world towards women in comparison to the privileges men have, like living in itself and fulfilling their dreams, right? You know that Kuina's death is "ridiculous and dumb" because it's meant to show that even the strongest person Zoro knew could die from something so little, right? You understand that the value Zoro gives to life is fucking immense, right? Right?? You realize Zoro can't seek revenge because nobody took her away from him and now the only thing he can do is become the world's greatest swordsman to avenge her death, right? You get that Zoro's character is an atheist because he doesn't believe in anyone and he can only rely on himself when it comes to Kuina's sudden death, right? You are aware that sometimes people die in the simplest of ways and that doesn't make them weak because death doesn't discriminate, right? You know that all of these things are what make Zoro's character so interesting and important, right? Right??? You know, right?

Well, of course you fucking don't because if you knew you wouldn't be saying her death is ridiculous <3

#if i see somebody else complaining about this i am going to throw hands i swear to god #sorry i just saw a bad take in here and i couldn't stay quiet #it's the most basic thing about zoro's character why are people complaining #'his backstory is boring' well i think YOU are boring and also don't have good taste #i am a zoro defender for life and his backstory with kuina is amazing shutupshutup #stop trying to find a weird dark theory abt her death. you won't find anything. that's just it. she died. #she fell down the stairs and died and it's a great story let kuina rest in peace #one piece #roronoa zoro #shimotsuki kuina

[setacin]

"she's dead scar.... you won."

my cosplay of scar's secret life red life skin!

#goodtimeswithscar #goodtimeswithscar fanart #gtws #goodtimeswithscar cosplay #gtws fanart #secret life #secret life fanart #life series cosplay #secret life smp #the life series #cosplay #seta art :) #if anyones wondering about how many flowers or tassels are on that cape... lets just say a LOT BSDJFHBDS #also!! to all the people i saw at the conventions i hope yall had as great of a time as i did :) #& if anyone has any questions as to how parts of this were constructed i would be happy to answer questions! #(and thank you to hoffen for answering my silly questions about the skin sbdjfhbs)

[crystallizsch]

i really like how canonically yuu is genuinely supportive of grim wanting to be a great mage. if i recall correctly, even character voice lines point this out. and it seems like yuu dotes on grim a lot and defends him too??? yuu even encourages grim's ambitions whenever he declares wanting to be a great mage. and also when he does that boss-henchhuman dynamic. i mean yeah you can interpret it as yuu saying that being condescending and sarcastic as if they're talking to a child saying "when i grow up i want to be famous!" but like. i really think they're genuine when mc loves grim in their own way.

even if grim is usually a menace, he's become like family to yuu.

and i'm pretty sure grim feels the same way.

think about it this way. despite all the mess, all the unpredictability, the danger, and all the drama being in nrc. what's always the constant? yuu goes home at the end of the day to the ramshackle dorm (basically their home at this point considering they slowly but surely fix it up over time) and with who? “the great mage” grim. as the sole outcasts in that academy, they both sleep soundly knowing they will always have each other at the end of the day.

#2nd anniversary event got me feeling things #and honestly just thinking about that grim overblot theory #if that's true i believe grim's breaking point would be yuu finally beginning to leave through the dark mirror #and then overblotting leaving the dark mirror room in ruins like we see in the beginning of the game #he does not want them to leave #they WILL stay there #the great grim refuses to be alone in that “ramshackle” dorm #[— #twisted wonderland #twst #twst grim #twst yuu #twst ramshackle #★'-twst-rambles #—] #god at first grim was REALLY made to be unlikeable #then overtime (personally) grim had just really grown on you #i will defend grim with my life now >:(

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #wen qing #jiang cheng #Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile. #This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature. #But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly' #My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out. #Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth. #I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity- #-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly. #Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose. #You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok #Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards. #Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever. #To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss. #Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'. #described in alt text #I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day

[b4kuch1n]

polymer broadcast signal hijack

#pikmin #captain olimar #ft. louie captain shepherd and collin #as well as #moss (pikmin) #watched a stream series of pikmin 4 (its frankenbugs' series) thats what this is about really #but mostly. I just love olimar. I just really enjoy that man #also this really got me flexing those bande dessinée muscles from back thens lol #Ive missed drawin with this kinda proportions... I should do it more #Im gonna draw an olimar to put in my wallet. I need to make my life harder to explain to strangers #I also wanna. add more details to his space suit. make it look more like real life space suit for fun & entertainment #man I enjoy the animals in pikmin so much. they really are just like. animals. theyre animals #its great I love how genuinely bug-lookin the bugs are even with the stylization. pikmin and pokemon are really good at that #would like to learn how to do that... sometimes in the future #oh yeah fun fact. my effort at cleaning up my undercut a few days ago went badly. right before I went to a family reunion thing for 2 days #so I was goin out of my mind at that event postin abt olimar bc I love him #and then. when I got home. I decided to shave my head instead of trying to fix the haircut again #and so the sequence of events becomes I post about olimar -> I enter my bald arc #I am okay with this. have a good night lads. binding books is actually really fun u should try it

[kkoct-ik]

recent doodle dump

#were so back #kostik draws #hermitcraft #secret life #goodtimeswithscar #tangotek #ethoslab #im not making a tag for torchy #hermitcraft fanart #secret life fanart #ethoslab fanart #gtws #gtwscar #fanart #<- all my obligatory consistency tags. horrible #ok back to chatting lalala ☃️☃️ #have it be known i drew mayor scar before the episodes came out. i just wanted to revisit my beloved. he was foretold #also i think ive popped off these past few weeks artwise #not that Any of it has been posted yet. but ill get it out eventually o7 #enjoy. pleas. i think i did great :)

[poisonpercy]

The Chalice of the Gods except instead of Percy doing quests for gods in order to get recommendation letters, Poseidon shows up at New Rome and terrifies New Rome University’s admissions office

#gotta put that roman fear of neptune to good use #also i just think it would be funny #if poseidon involved himself in percy’s life #trying to be a good dad™ to his mortal son #but in the most obnoxiously god attempting to act like a mortal way possible #*percy gets into school b/c poseidon unknowingly scared the shit out of NRU admissions* #poseidon: this is great. i’m going to get a good grade in dad something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve #percy jackson #pjo poseidon #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #pjato #hoo #heroes of olympus #the chalice of the gods #pjoverse #riordanverse #skys post

[egophiliac]

What was your favorite of the flashbacks in Silver’s walk?

the acorn bracelet is VERY good, but I really really love Malleus humming (hummalleus? hummus?) to Silver. especially now that the song has Context. >:) we are in a soup of angst and I'm here with a spoon in each hand and a silly straw that leads directly to my brain.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #(sorry for being a while i was taking a bit of a socials break) #i think this is the same scene that opens with lilia singing meleanor's lullaby to silver #before malleus walked through the door and lilia went 'here have a baby BYEEEE' #mmm yes. delightful. #and i know i've already talked about it but malleus' immediate reaction being 'gross. what is this.' is still great #sometimes he really is just a dumb teenager and i love it #i also love the spoon scene a lot for being kind of the ur-example of cute fluffy ao3 domestic diasomnias. but that's in sebek's map so #(i think most of the domestic life stuff is actually in sebek's) #(all that sugar-sweetness would dissolve under silver's tears)

[tagerrkix]

#great choice beelzebub! #aw man I always liked this meme #glad I finally got to draw my own version uwu #would you believe me if I told you it was gleafer's recent comic that inspired me to do this 👉👈 #well it was #if you know you know #if you don't then ignore this 👁️👁️ #azirah the terrah *wheeze* #yea I don't really have anything more to say #I just had this irresistable urge to write azirah the terrah at least once in my life #now it's twice #bahahaha #*yeets myself out the window and flies to alpha centauri* #ineffable bureaucracy #good omens beelzebub #good omens gabriel #good omens #good omens fanart #good omens memes

[matchamiko]

I think Bokuto is so intense and needy in bed. In a skinship, desperate to kiss you, hold you, touch you kinda way.

His favourite position is with you in top so you can wrap your forearms around his thick, bulging shoulders and bury your head in his throat. Chest to chest, his lips on your hair line or whimpering into your ear, his arms magnetised around your waist, hands spanning your back to under your arms, just shy of your breasts. Every part of you is always touching, bellies clenching and flexing against one another, thighs slipping and sliding from sweat and slick. His pubes mash against your clit with every grind, every pulse of his hips into yours.

And Bokuto whines, he huffs and tells you he loves you, loves your pussy and your eyes and your tits and the way you cum so messy and teary. Face scrunched in pain when you dig your nails into his skin, louder and messier with every milking clench of your cunt. Nd he’s hiccuping his way through his orgasm, pleading and promising and trying to bury himself deep in your soul, curl into your chest and the cavern of your loins. Bokuto just loves and loves and loves when there’s no space between the two of you, hearts beating as one and breaths mingling between your open mouths .

#bokuto x reader #haikyuu smut #I just I just love him ur honor #the headcanons of crazy animalistic insane sloppy sex r great #but I just wanna delve into his insecurities and his need for praise and reassurance #and how that would manifest as some of the cuddliest clingiest neediest sex in your life #loved missionary too like adores it he’s caging u in and sticking his tongue down ur throat the entire time #miko.muses #Bokuto smut