#life would be so fucking easy stg

[marsgod]

UGH WHY TF CAN I NOT JUST DATE JAMIL AND LIKE LIKE LIKE HAVE PRETTY MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY

#this was originally just about dating jamil but ive been reading a bunch of webtoons #with like #the super badass mc’s and UGH why cant i be smart like them: (((( #{..🍃rambling🍃..} #life would be so fucking easy stg

[auspicioustidings]

The Revelation

Summary: You are pretty happy with the cult you have made for yourself, but when two newcomers show up you can't help but think how far you could go with this.

(this is a one-shot, I stg if your only comment on this is to say 'part 2' I will feed you to the tomato plants! If you like it and have brain worms about it by all means send those to me and we can bounce ideas around)

Words: 6.6k

CWs: Cult shit, dubcon (everyone is manipulating each other here), light petplay (hope you're proud of yourself Bo I am incapable of writing Ghoap without Johnny being a puppy now), smut, murder, slight allusion to cannibalism (in a round about way, just putting it here for safety), Catholicism

The Death of God happened on a gloomy Thursday afternoon. One moment he had been mowing the lawn and the next thing he had an epiphany about hating his suburban life, hating his suburban wife, hating the 2 kids and hating the lawnmower he had spent his last bonus on. 

The Revelation happened on a sunny Friday morning when you had popped up on his tiktok feed and told him that you understood him, that you were there for him. He had made his way to the commune, telling his wife it was just a visit to find himself. And he did. Which of course meant he never came home.

Truly you would consider yourself some what of a miracle working taking in this portly, charisma void of a businessman and turning him into some semblance of interesting. Well as interesting as anyone in this little slice of heaven. He had a fascination with growing tomatoes now. Good for him. 

The hundreds of little deaths of God had been great for business. When someone had a crisis, when someone thought they were broken, when someone just couldn't fucking take it anymore, that's when they were so desperate to believe in something that you could make them happy with a smile and a kind word every so often. You could keep them happy (well, what they believed was happy and wasn't that all that mattered?) by keeping them a little tired, a little hungry and occasionally a little high. Good for the soul really, that's what you always said. 

Surely you deserved to live on a steady diet of champagne, strawberries and decadence for all the good work you did. They all understood how difficult it was to be you. And despite your trials weren't you still so lovely to them? Even when they acted out you were gentle in your reminders that they needed fixing, that you were only ever there to help, that their friends and families would try and convince them otherwise because they didn't understand what it was to be broken. You opened your arms to them always, it was in their nature to err and in yours to forgive. 

Honestly you could keep this up for the rest of your life. A small group of people devoted to you, happy in their worship and happy in their toil. No violence needed to keep them compliant, just a soft touch and the occasional psychological torture as necessary. You had no aspirations to go beyond this, you had it good. No need for a death cult or to make yourself an actual God to them. You already had your champagne and strawberries after all, life was good. 

–

They were big, these two new men to your little oasis. It would be a tricky thing to half starve them you thought, but then it would also be a shame to have them lose all that bulk that you found you quite enjoyed looking at. Still, it was important for enlightenment and all that.

So you gave them a steady supply of soft smiles and reassuring touches, a diet of “yes this is an eco-living commune!” and “oh I never thought anyone would want to join me out here, I just got very lucky that so many wonderful people share the same morals.” They went easy of course, ex-military, used to structure and relying on someone above them to do the thinking. Perfect for you really, just two attack dogs that were impeccably trained.

They neglected to tell you that they hadn't been regular military, that they had been high ranked special operators in an elite task force. That would have made you suspicious after all and it was better you thought them stupid. Johnny had seen you on tiktok and wanted you and Simon never denied his boy anything, so here they were, playing you completely into their hands.

First it was getting themselves special privileges, unlimited access to food, a home right next to yours, full evenings of rest. Hadn't been hard to make you think it was your idea.

“Och it's alright lass, I ken we're naw military anymore. Dinnae need tae be a lean, mean, killing machine oot here.”

“Of course not Johnny, I'd hope you think you're very safe here.”

“Aye, feel safe with you. Ye look after us. Wish ye would let us look after you more!”

“I don't need anymore than I already have, but it's so wonderful of you to say, truly.”

Then a few days later when there had been time for that little declaration to settle in.

“Simon! How are you, I didn't see you yesterday.”

“Sorry, pulled my shoulder something awful. Felt like a right git not being able to do work properly.”

“Oh that's terrible, how did you pull it?”

“Ah just lack of training is all. Too used to being strong, retirement doesn't really lend itself to that.”

“You're still plenty strong!”

“I hope so. Some of the things I hear about what people's families think of you… if it ever came down to it, I want you to know I'd protect you with my life. Both me and Johnny would, strong or not.”

You had really been given an absolute gift here. That was something that had been making you a little paranoid. If family members escalated to violence there was really nothing you could do. You were a lover (here meaning awful con artist but that was just semantics) not a fighter. And now there was a solution right in your lap.

“How would you and Johnny feel about being security then? I'd hate to think we'd ever need it of course, but it would make people feel safer. Some of their families are terrible people I'm afraid, I don't want anyone to get hurt because someone tries something violent” you said gently, of course concerned for these innocent people being viciously abused by their awful families (these brainwashed people being taken by their loved ones to recover and live meaningful lives again, lives which did not involved maintaining your champagne and strawberry habit).

“If you ask us of course we'd never say no, it's just… would it be ok to have an hour a day to train? It's such an honour to protect this place, not looking to half arse it.”

“Of course! Come to my house with Johnny after supper and we can discuss some accommodations for your new roles.”

–

“How does that sound?” you asked, soft as silk.

You knew how it sounded, it sounded like you were the damn second coming. Giving them unrestricted food and sleep, telling them you'd have a house for them built right by your side? You knew it was working by how Johnny's eyes had went big and wet, projecting puppy-like adoration. And Simon? Oh that big, delicious man stood and walked over to you so he could kneel at your feet. Fuck you had never felt better about yourself.

“We don't deserve so much of your consideration. I-” he said, the first time you had heard him struggle to get words out through his emotion. “I want to thank you properly.”

He said it like it was a revelation and it peaked your interest. You could have squealed with delight when his cheek leant against your knee, your dress pushed by his face to let skin meet skin, eyes locked with yours as he turned to kiss your flesh. You hadn't fucked any of your followers, too messy. But these weren't regular followers anymore right? No, these were special followers. And it had been so long and he was looking at you like he was desperate to give you any pleasure he could. 

Oh Simon was desperate all right, had been thinking about getting you sloppy and pathetic for him since Johnny had excitedly shown him that bloody video of you acting like an innocent little lamb. He wanted to just barrel in, bend you over and claim you right away. It was Johnny who insisted it would be more fun to trick you, who had whined like a bitch about it until he got his way. Bloody MacTavish. He really needed to train those puppy dog eyes right out of the boy. Those had got him to indulge in all sort of risks already. Nearly fucked the whole plan right up when you had come dangerously close to catching him balls deep in Johnny in your bed, absolutely ruining him as per his own puppy dog eyed request.

For his part Johnny was positively giddy. He might give away the game if he really got to watch Simon taste you. Would he play gently with you? Oh my God would he pretend he was inexperienced to make you feel superior? Let you think you were guiding him? That might kill him dead. He tried to not fucking salivate and start panting at the thought of it. 

“Then thank me properly.”

Fuck the way his eyes lit up at that. This gorgeous man wanted you, he wanted to please you. As a hand squeezed your calf and he started to drag his mouth up your bare leg you felt the sick thrill of wondering how far they would go for you. Already people had given up families, friends, wealth. You had never pushed it beyond, horrified whenever you thought about how delicious it would be if they would die for you, kill for you and so shoving those dark thoughts to the back of your mind. 

But you didn't want Simon to die for you. You did want to see how far you could push, how deep his devotion ran. To that end you wove fingers through his hair and pulled him off of your thigh, his eyes flickering from your wet panties sticking to your cunt up to your own eyes in question. 

“I want you to kiss Johnny.”

You said it like a woman possessed. Fuck. That's exactly what you wanted. You wanted these big masculine men to fuck against their own desires but do it for you. They were dumb jocks really, probably had never fumbled around with another man before. They'd find it hard, find it wrong. You didn't really consider yourself a bad person before this moment, just a clever one. This was straying into something else, some monstrous part of you that was salivating with the thought of finally being released. 

“Will you do that for me?”

You heard a choked sort of noise and looked over to see Johnny hiding his face in his hands. Of course, big Scottish man must be scared of doing such a thing. Or rather having such a thing done to him. You imagined it would be some attack to his sense of self to have a bigger man press a kiss onto him. Fuck maybe he would tear up. Maybe he would fully cry if Simon pushed inside of him. You hoped that God really was dead because if not you were sure They'd have some stern words for you after this. 

“Oh I've never…”

Fuuuuuck. Simon's vulnerable eyes darting from Johnny to you were liable to make you cum on the fucking spot. You smiled indulgently down on him, running a hand over his face is a caress. 

“You know I only ever do what's best for you don't you? I wouldn't ever ask you to do anything that isn't for the greater good. Do you believe in me Simon?” you said, the years of practice infusing your tone with a cloying sweetness. 

“Yes” he replied, barely a breathy whisper of affirmation. 

His glazed eyes looked at you with such adoration before he nuzzled his face into your hand and left a kiss there before making his way across to where Johnny was sitting on the sofa, face still hidden in his hands. He went over on his knees, crawled. You pressed your fingers against your throbbing clit, cupping yourself to try and tell your body to calm down because there was so much more to come. 

Simon crawled between Johnny’s legs, going up on his knees and grabbing Johnny’s nape to drag his face down. He was whispering something in his ear, maybe trying to settle him, trying to assure him this was what they needed to do for you. Of course had you been aware Simon was hissing at Johnny to keep it together, to stop laughing about how easily you were falling for this, then the whole thing would really have been ruined. Luckily Johnny was still a soldier, Simon still his LT, so when he was ordered to put his game face on he did it. And luckily Johnny was still a good boy, Simon was still his master, so he knew that squeezing at his pup's nape always got that furrow in his brow to relax, got him eager to please and ready to tear up at the first little tease or overstimulation.  

It was really destiny that you would be this level of power hungry, this eager to push and see what you could make people do. He had been training Johnny to put all his eager to please energy to good use for years, had turned a feral mutt into a feral mutt with impeccable training. The chance to turn a corrupt fox into a corrupt fox whose only desire was to be stroked and pampered was making him painfully hard. Johnny had been right, tricking you was far more delicious than just forcing you into it.  

When he moved Johnny’s hands from his face it was to reveal a man looking ruined, looking liquid eyed and flushed. Simon mouthed a good boy to him before pressing a kiss to his lips. It was calculatedly shy and tentative and he kept a steadying hand on Johnny’s knee, squeezing when he felt he might lose control and start panting and licking his way into his mouth as he usually tried to do. Simon couldn’t very well punish him right now without giving the game away, so he just had to use the suggestion of a future punishment. 

After the first peck you watched a slow and decadent slide into forbidden desire. They got a little bolder with each press of lips, seemed to squirm a bit more with the struggle of it feeling good but wrong. When Simon pulled away and Johnny whined despite himself you slid your hand past your waistband, needing to touch yourself or you’d die. 

“You’d like it if Simon used his tongue wouldn’t you Johnny? Would be nice to feel it against yours. It’s important that you two are close isn’t it? To do your jobs well that is.”

Johnny would have agreed with full enthusiasm and pounced Simon to get them both on the floor so he could rut his hips down into the cock he was desperate for, but the hand at his bad knee squeezed again and the spark of pain reminded him of the mission. So instead he looked at you, teary and unsure.

“H-his tongue? I… I’m naw…”

“You’re not what Johnny?”

“It’s wrong.”

“Who told you that?”

You watched him play with the thin chain around his neck, the crucifix falling out of his shirt. Catholic. Oh this must be even more torturous for him. No matter, you had killed plenty of Gods already, you could kill his. Watch guilt eat and eat and eat at him until finally he gave in to the desire. Gave in to you. Let any other divine figure die in favour of a new God.

“Oh Johnny, do you think I would lead you into temptation? It’s ok, I would never make you. If you don’t like it that’s fine, you can both call it a night hm? Security is a tough job, I would never think less of you for not being up to the task. My fault really, I must have mistaken the potential I saw in you.”

He surged forward and shoved his tongue past Simon’s teeth and you moaned deeply, fingers so slippery that getting proper friction on your clit was a challenge now. You did not think you had ever been so wet in your life, feeling slick trickle out of you as they clumsily seemed to fight for dominance, saliva dripping down Johnny’s chin from how much he was trying to follow your instructions, how deep he was trying to pull Simon’s tongue with his into his mouth. 

When they next pulled away they both seemed dazed, like they couldn't believe they had just done that. Poor Simon turned to look at your pleadingly, legs widening so you could see he was straining against his pants. He was rock solid from making out with Johnny and you were cumming all at once, hips rolling in time with your fingers as you breathed out instructions with your cunt still clenching in waves.

“Good, so good for me. Want you both to cum, get all of that tension out. Wouldn't ever leave you wanting would I?”

They both looked needy, but the fact that they quietly waited for instructions on how to cum was possibly the most erotic thing you had ever seen. 

“It's OK, you can help each other. That's what it's all about here isn't it? Helping those in need in the community, and you're both in need. Jerk your cocks together, it'll be bonding for you to cum together like that.”

They fucking did it. Simon shoved his pants down enough to free the absolute monster of a cock he had and dragged Johnny only his lap on the floor. Johnny's cock was thick as anything and just as hard. Fuck the image of Johnny taking Simon’s cock, taking every hard inch of him in his ass. Crying about how it wouldn't fit, how it was wrong. Clutching his crucifix. You needed to make it happen soon. Maybe you could make Johnny wear a plug, say it was part of training. Get him ready to be fucked by his friend and once superior without him ever realising that's what you were doing. 

Their precum was already making the slide of it easier as Simon took the lead, big hand wrapping around both of them and slowly pumping, staring at it in fascination. You were slowly overstimulating your clit, feeling that tension start growing again already. 

“Spit on it Johnny.”

He did it without hesitation, his saliva making Simon’s jerking squelch. It didn't take long until Johnny was begging, needing to cum. You didn't even register that it wasn't you he was looking at as he begged, you were too lost in sensation, eyes locked on their cocks rubbing together.

“Go on, cum. Both of you.”

Simon sped his hand and his low grunt (the ‘s’ok pup, cum’ so low you hadn’t heard it over your pleasure) combined with Johnny's drooling and panting sent you spiralling over the edge again as they both shot ropes of sticky cum all over each other.  

Fuck. What else could you make people do?

–

Over the next few weeks life got even easier for you. Simon and Johnny were excellent right hands, earning respect from all of your followers and taking on almost all of the tasks you had (which you had made sure were as minimal as possible already, the whole point of this endeavour was to live an easy life). 

Simon was careful to make sure to be seen with you, start planting the seeds in people's minds that they were an extension of you. Johnny was rapidly losing patience which made him incredibly satisfying to fuck because he got to beat every single complaint out of him. It was him that wanted to go this route so he was going to finish what he started. It had been a long time since he had seen Johnny get so worked up over anything and he forgot how much he enjoyed him when he was like this, biting at every little bit of bait that Simon left with the express purpose of having an excuse to punish him later for it. 

Johnny needed putting down when he got this wound up, at this point Simon had taken him over his knee at least once a day, collared and leashed him most nights, fucked him silly so much that he was constantly aching and plugged to keep ready for a quickie when he needed it. Which right now was inhumanly often and with them still in the bunkhouse they were having to get very creative with the venue. Johnny was going especially feral given that you had only been alone with them once more since you had promoted them and you had acted like last time had never happened. Clever actually, Simon had to hand it to you, you were very good at playing with people. He could see the little glimmer in your eye, the delight at seeing how Johnny seemed to be vibrating with anticipation of something that never came. You were setting him up to beg, making sure that when he gave in and went directly against his God that it would be him pleading for you to let him do so.

It wasn’t like you had ever been close enough to tell, but that little cross around Johnny’s neck had SR carved into the back of it. Simon had corrupted the Roman Catholic out of this pup years ago, the cross only came out on special occasions when Johnny wanted to play coy and innocent or when Simon wanted to remind him who he belonged to (because it certainly wasn’t a God, it was his fucking lieutenant). Well and now, when they both knew the sight of it would give you such a power trip that you’d fall right into their trap. 

“I was thinking about your house” you said, the three of you standing where the foundations were already being put down. 

“Aye?”

“It just seems such a waste when I have extra bedrooms in my home.”

“It would be such an honour to stay in any of them. Would we not be intruding?”

“Of course not Simon, you are my right hand men now. It makes sense for you to stay close to me. To one another.”

You swore you could see Johnny’s ears perk up, a phantom tail flicking quickly behind him in rapt attention at that. Of course their minds would go there, just like you wanted them to. It hadn’t been too difficult for you to be patient, to play with them so that you didn’t push too far too fast. It was something you were very good at. 

“Would you… still let us build something here?”

“Oh?”

“I think a temple of sorts would be nice. Somewhere for you to relax. You work so hard for all of us and if you are taking us into your space I’d hate for you to have nowhere to go to meditate alone.”

It only took a few days to wear you down. You had no idea how much influence they already had with your followers, how easy it was for them to plant that idea there and have them be the ones appealing to you to please allow them to do this for you. And while that shred of morality you had left was screaming at you not to do this, not to actually Deify yourself lest it go too far, the adoration inflated your ego and drowned your conscience out. 

So they started to build your temple.

–

“Ah! Like that. That’s it, that’s what I need” you moaned out, Simon in between your legs worshipping. 

You had moved them into your home, the large house comfortable and spacious in comparison to the bunkhouse the other followers stayed in, and that night Simon had come to your room and gotten on his knees for you. How could you say no to him? 

The adoration of your followers was nothing compared to this. They loved you yes, but fuck Simon was reverant, tongue swirling around your cunt so there was more holy water for him to glut himself on. This was decadent, languid on your bed with him focusing entirely on your pleasure, expecting nothing in return. This man who was spending his days by your side, overlooking the building of a temple in your honour. You could not decide in this moment if you wanted him to fuck you on the altar when it was done or if you wanted to fuck him. 

It was a good conundrum to have because you felt that you could simply have both. You could have whatever the fuck you wanted with this man by your side. Who could stand against him and Johnny? And who would ever worship you more? You had never actually bought your own bullshit before, but if he kept this up maybe you were some sort of God because how else could you be living this deliciously?

You tugged his hair sharply to get him off of you and pushed at him until he was on his back. You would take what you wanted from him because it was your right to do so. He did not complain as you settled your cunt on his face and rode him, if anything his clever tongue worked harder to please you. You held his head and used him, and he drank you down and thanked you for the privilege after, vanishing out of your room as silently as he had arrived.

–

It only took another few weeks for Johnny to break and oh he broke so perfectly. Simon came to your room every night to pray, and Johnny must know, must have heard how Simon spilled thank yous against your cunt even as you pushed down to deprive him of oxygen, even as you smeared your slick all over his face, moving exactly as you liked with no consideration of him. You never touched him in any way meant for his pleasure, only to use him for yours.

It was not Simon who knocked lightly on the door. Simon didn’t knock at all, he always just let himself in. 

“Come in Johnny.”

He was nervous, that much was clear. You did enjoy the sight of him in only his boxers and crucifix, moonlight doing wonders in making him look incredibly edible. You wanted to knead his pecs like they were tits, wanted to sink your teeth into the meat of his neck until you tasted blood and he cried out your name instead of his God’s.

“I want…”

“Hm? You want?”

“Will ye let me please ye? I ken Si… I’m naw good enough for ye, but I want tae be. It’s just, I’ve never uh… I’m a quick study.”

And with perfect timing, in walked Simon. Couldn’t have planned it better yourself (well, actually Johnny had planned it, Simon had laughed and ruffled his hair at how eager he had been to act the part of the blushing virgin before unhooking the leash and getting him out of his collar and into his crucifix).

“Good evening Simon” you purred. 

The man didn’t really acknowledge that Johnny was in the room, instead going to his place by the foot of your bed and kneeling. It was always where you started, with him lapping at you until you ordered him onto the bed or the floor so you could take what you needed. Only you pushed him away with your foot when he tried to pull at your shorts, holding him at leg length and looking at Johnny.

“Come sit will you?”

He nervously shuffled over, sitting next to you on the bed with his eyes darting uncomfortably down to Simon kneeling pretty, your foot still holding him away from you. He swallowed and you thought it sweet how he held your gaze to avoid watching as you motioned for Simon to move and he did so without hesitation. Johnny still didn’t look at him even as you put a hand to his knee to make him spread his legs enough for Simon’s broad shoulders to fit between them. 

“If you want to learn I’d never stop you Johnny, I want you to be the best at the things you’d like. And I’m sure Simon makes a wonderful teacher.”

Simon didn’t need prompting, obedient and perfect boy that he was. He started licking up Johnny’s thick thigh the same way he would have if you were sitting there. Johnny, bless him, gripped onto your leg like it was a lifeline, fingers digging into the plush flesh hard enough that you imagined it may leave marks. You swallowed his loud whine with your mouth when Simon slipped his boxers down and took his hard cock right to the root. It almost made you laugh, if you tried to take that in your throat you would certainly be gagging and crying.

When you pulled away Johnny was a whining mess, one hand fisted in the sheets and the other still dug into the fat of your thigh. You wondered if he had ever gotten head. Certainly not from another man. Oh wouldn’t his priest be so disappointed in him. You could imagine a severe man in the robes of God, looking with disgust at the whore before him. But you were a kinder creature, letting him indulge in pleasure without telling him he couldn’t. 

Well, to a point. You pushed Simon to stop with the frankly immaculate looking blow job when it was clear from Johnny’s hips rutting that he was close. Then you swung your leg around, straddling Johnny and squeezing yourself to him, stopping him from trying to get friction from you.

“Not yet Johnny, you need to be patient hm? Simon, open him up. Tongue first, then fingers.”

Johnny was tearing up, looking at you like he didn’t understand why you were doing this while feeling horribly guilty that he liked it. He howled when Simon’s tongue started playing at his rim, his hands gripping at your hips to try and make you move against him. You put a hand to his throat and squeezed lightly.

“It’s ok, you can take it can’t you?”

“I-I cannae, please bonnie, I’m naw- I dinnae-” he whined before he choked on nothing, eyes blown wide, “h-his tongue is, fuck it’s inside.”

“I know Johnny, I know. Is it too much then? Should I tell him to stop? If you can’t take it, then at least you tried” you said, sweet as anything but putting a tiny edge of disappointment into your tone.

“I can take it! Please, I can! Dinnae make him stop, I can take whatever ye gie me!”

“Good boy.”

Oh, the reaction to those two words was worth exploring. It was like he changed from a man to some pathetic animal, eyes watery and begging, hands pawing at your hips while his own desperately tried to buck up. You felt how he froze, heard how he choked when Simon pressed a finger into him.

“Hmm that’s it, take what you’re given, you’ll be good and hold off for me hm?” you cooed, moving a hand to run fingers under his chain, all the way around until you were behind his neck and could yank, have that crucifix choking him. “Looks better like this Johnny, almost like a pretty collar for you.”

Jackpot. Even with you clamping down to give him as little room for friction as possible you felt the hot gush of his cum, him getting there from being choked, being compared to a dog to be collared. Well if he was going to be a mutt that came without your permission, the permission of his master, then he needed to learn his place no?

“Fuck pet, told you to be patient.”

“Sorry, m’sorry bonnie. Ah! M-make him stop, s’too much!”

“Make him stop? But he’s been good for me, followed everything I’ve asked, You went ahead and finished without permission. Wouldn’t make sense to punish him and reward you, I need to be fair pet.”

He was clearly overstimulated, his hips trying to rut even as he gasped at every bit of friction he got. Oh you wanted to see him fucked out and ruined. You wanted his heart on a fucking platter.

“More Simon. Johnny here is going to let you fuck him tonight, so you need to open him up properly.”

“I-I-” Johnny stuttered, bottom lip quivering and eyes wide and wet. If you weren't so high on the decadence of having these two men at your mercy you’d have questioned just how practised that was. 

“Tell me Johnny. Tell me what it is you want.”

Tell me what it is I want to hear that you want. Be a good boy, don’t disappoint me. You’d hate to disappoint me after all I’ve done for you.

“I want Simon tae fuck me tonight.”

“Good boy” you said, hammering that final nail in God’s coffin as you yanked again at the chain so hard it snapped, taking your trophy and tossing it onto your desk without ever having examined it closely.

You watched Simon ruin him at your command. You drank their praise like champagne, bit into their gratitude like strawberries bursting their juice on your chin. You were greedy in how many times you used them for your pleasure, their fingers, their tongues, the sight of them overcome with hedonistic abandon. 

You felt like a God.

–

The temple was beautiful, no effort or expense spared. The first floor was a space for everyone, for the brand new community gatherings that you occasionally led but had mostly been letting Simon and Johnny lead. Above that was two glorious floors of space only for you. The only other people permitted to set foot in here were your two right hands. It was something else, being in the luxuriant bed drinking champagne and watching the two of them play with each other for your benefit. 

You could not stop thinking about the way Johnny had writhed at the mention of a collar when you had taken his crucifix for yourself (it still sat on the desk right where you had left it). You could not stop imagining how such a thing would look around his thick neck, how your other followers would look at it and be jealous that he got to be so visibly claimed by you.

As always your wish was their command. Simon had presented you with a gorgeous necklace of sorts, almost a choker, the pendant a symbol you didn’t recognise. 

“This doesn’t look like a collar for you.”

“It’s for you. The symbol is from the cult of Venus, we thought… well we thought if you could wear it, show people, then when we wore it…”

“You want them to know you are wearing it for me.”

Perfect fucking boys weren’t they. They didn’t just want to show up in a collar, they wanted to show up in a symbol associated with you. It was pretty enough what they had chosen, delicate and clearly made with care and devotion. You turned and lifted your hair so he could put it on you and the very next community gathering was Johnny eagerly explaining the symbol to your followers. It was etched into the temple walls soon after. 

–

The realisation happened all at once. You only attended community gatherings for special occasions now and when you did they were all looking at you like you were their God made flesh. Your followers had become something else, something well beyond a little eco-living commune. That had not been your doing. 

The door was locked. You could not leave your space in the Temple. Your hand flew to the back of your necklace, realising with a startle that you couldn’t take it off. Simon and Johnny never did have collars made. Why would they? You were rapidly realising they had never intended to. You looked in the mirror, tried to find a clue. The pendant… it was only when you drew it over and over again that you figured it out. This wasn’t some symbol of an old Goddess, it was the letters S R J M twisted around to make a pretty symbol. You sat and stewed, waiting for them to get back. When they did you were sat on the bed, glowering at them.

“Aww ye figure us out bonnie?”

“You played me.”

“Like a fucking violin sweetheart” Simon cooed, walking over to flick the pendant. 

You huffed up at him. Everything was completely fucked now. You had all but ordered your followers to treat these two as your spokesmen. You had been slowly vanishing from public life, ingraining in their minds that you were a God who lived in a temple and only graced them with your presence when they had really earned it. All this after years of breaking them down so they thought nothing they ever did was good enough, so of course they would never think they had earned it. 

And you had never used violence for anything, you were soft and lived on champagne and strawberries for fuck sake, it wasn’t like you could brute force your way out of this. You were enough of a schemer to know when you had been outplayed.

“So the little shy virginal act?”

Johnny laughed and came over to nuzzle into your hair.

“Ye’d naw believe how many times Si has been in my arse hen, this isnae even the first house of God he’s bent me over in.”

You scowled and pushed his head away, but his eyes only sparkled with excitement as he bullied it right back into nuzzling you like a fucking dog. 

“Pup has been so excited about you finally figuring it out. You’ve been teasing him for months now, don’t think it’s time to give him a treat for how well behaved he’s been for you?”

It’s not like you were against the idea, it had been delicious being the dominant one all this time but there was something interesting about the idea of letting Simon take control, letting him get Johnny to fuck you the way you had let him fuck Johnny. Because that would be the case you knew now. It was so obvious knowing what you knew, you really should have figured out way sooner that Simon had always been in control. All the things you had done since he got here that you had thought your ideas weren’t yours at all, he had put them in your head. 

“So that’s it then? You keep me here and take over?”

Simon was looking at you with something deranged behind those eyes. It was dreadfully exciting. 

“You're coming to tonight's community gathering. You can decide if puppy gets a treat after that.”

–

The Birth of God happened on that brilliant Friday evening. One moment you had been fighting against your conscience, and the next you had let go. You had walked forward, no floated, and pressed a holy kiss to his head. Watching one of your followers plunge a knife into the heart of another on your altar, both with a smile on their faces, was fucking beautiful.

The Revelation happened about the same time. You dipped your fingers in the blood (the same colour as those tomatoes he so loved, the tomatoes that his body would feed and your followers would eat) and marked his murderer with your symbol, the initials of the men that had made you God. 

Puppy had more than earned his treat.

#mhairiwrites #cod #fanfic #ghoap x reader #simon riley x reader #john mactavish x reader #simon riley x john mactavish #please read the cws #also please let me exist on champagne and strawberries because I am OVER IT #if I was not a depressed little mess and could actually write smut right now you would have gotten reader getting railed on a bloody altar #would have been great

[thetoaddaddy]

I dont think i ever really explained why I like the idea of Jiraiya living a more troubled/neglected childhood. Honestly I just like the juxtaposition of the rich girl from the most influential family, the tragic orphan full of resentment, and the white trash hick from the slums.

Have I hooked you? Long sorta in this essay I will type of explanation of my reasoning post. Trimmed so you don’t have to suffer through scrolling a big long post unless you volunteer to it. And I welcome reblogs with your own thoughts added to it or comments. I like having these kinds of discussions.

It makes for a fun dynamic and puts together three very different social classes that make up the Sannin and the most common 3 classes of society. Tsunade has everything from money, social status and livin in the rich how dare the neighbours put up an extra twinkle light we’re contacting the police neighbourhood. Orochimaru lost his family but lives fairly okay being a ward of the Hokage/state plus as a genius kid with potential to end the war with his big fucken brain and lack of empathy he would most likely be treated more special. Jiraiya hiding his money in the floorboards of his room cuz he knows his parents will steal it to buy into their addictions and he’s well aware no one really expects him to be nothing more than a failure.

Plus we don’t have any characters who have a troubled relationship with their parents in this way. Yeah we got dead parents and asshole cold distant rich clan expectations parent tropes. But not too much on poor and abusive. Which is weird cuz its pretty common to be low income with some garbage parents. (Not to say that’s the case all the time of course) Nor do we see much for alcoholism or similar addictions just ruining a family. The most he ever speaks about his parents in canon is that they were civilians. Kinda cold imo. Like I get that most likely kishi figured no one cares that much from where Jiraiya came from but that throw away line had me thinking and this headcanon came out.

So it’s pretty poetic that Jiraiya grew up full Glass Castle from a nothing neglectful civilian family and made something of himself with his own determination rather than being crutched with clan powers or high blood relations. He’s a nobody who proved people wrong and grew beyond his upbringing. His life we see on screen has always been pretty born under an unlucky star/he had to claw his way for anything he’s wanted and nothing was ever given to him. So it makes sense to me anyways that his early life was just as claw his way out from falling off the face of the earth. He could have just picked the easy way and not rise above being some drunk gutter rat that is just a direct product of his upbringing. But he focused on trying to get out rather than keep the cycle going. He picked the academy and proved he was not just above the curve but the grit he already had from surviving his broken home made for a determined courageous motherfucker. With that he became rich and renowned. All on his own.

I think that gives him more interesting motivation than the canon basically being ‘on my quest for pussy brb🏃‍♂️’ Like damn can we please uncreepy him kishi i stg. And I like to ignore his railroaded prophecy ass I must find my destiny stuff. That ruins his accomplishments. Honestly as a fairly empathetic person who grew up poor and hungry why wouldn’t he take pity on three war orphans and try to do good by them where he was never given that comfort? It’s far more compelling and interesting story than some crazy old toad told me to do it and I took those words so fucking literally it led the rest of my life.

I like to imagine he’s simply more wayward and never felt satisfied staying put(especially with all the horrible memories Konoha gives him). It also makes more sense for him to have this kind of chip on his shoulder over being some average guy who had an average upbringing. He can handle himself not just in battles but in dealing with the more uncomfortable situations like traveling through poor areas with the know how.

Like he knows how to speak crackhead and the slum folk clock him as one of their own. I wouldn’t call it street cred or anything. He just has the street smarts beyond that of an average person and it shows. Plus in some verses I like to think he travels hoping to find love as well. Can’t find one’s soulmate staying put in a village can they? ;)

Not every character has to be tragic I know. And this is just what I think. You don’t have to agree with me or accept my interpretations. He could have easily just brushed off the subject cuz he keeps people at an arms length. Which he does for the most part.

But I feel like with the Sannin era we were left with such well cooked and seasoned snippets that it became kinda frustrating that the rest was kinda undercooked or plain still in the damn deep freeze. So we get brain zoomies and try to fill in the big ass gaps. I want to know how three of the most interesting and important ninja of the shinobi world grew up. It’s fun to imagine and make these types of interpretations. Even if it is answered one day in a mini series or a book, I’ll still probably prefer what I and my moots cooked up. Cuz honestly we put more care and deep thought into these characters than kishi does at this point 😭

#q #uuhhhhh headcanons #🌺 ooc post #jiraiya

[dyke-pollinator]

Im in the mood for a story

Im a little drunk and im in the mood to share a story with yall of when I was out living in Nevada. This was back in 2017 or so.

This story requires some backstory so please indulge me.

I was a crew leader, managing a group of 4-9 people ranging from 18-23 ( I was 24 at the time). Part of that meant helping them integrate into the new location they moved to (Reno, Nevada) despite living out of my car at this time.

One of my crew members, who I will call Shawn, was...... Interesting to say the least. He was a pretty interesting person, but was definitely way too interested in falling in love while on this job.

So while he was out with some other members on their off week, he confessed his feelings for another crew member who turned him down. He proceeded to seriously harm himself. So now, on my crew, I had to manage that shit and make sure he wasn’t a risk to himself. Because of course this motherfucker was on my crew and technically my responsibility.

Everything was basically fine. Shawn and the other member barely interacted and we were learning a lot about how to cut down trees safely.

During one of our hitches (time in the field) where we were building cattle fences on the border of Utah, this bitch decided he wanted to go for a walk. So idk if you know what the middle of no where Utah looks like but its basically the same as this for 100 miles in every directions 

Barely any geographic features. Insanely easy to get lost. 

We had a rule where if you were gonna split off from the group,  you had to let the crew lead (me) know, and you had to explicitly say where you were gonna go. He decided he wanted cell phone signal one night, and told no one where he was going.

He got lost. In the middle of the desert. I need you to understand how horrifying that is. There’s nothing out there. You can walk for 200+ miles (350km) in any direction and find literally nothing. Especially on the Nevada / Utah border. 

By 8pm we were all wondering where he was till a random person was like “Oh he went that was looking for signal”. Like wtf? Excuse me? We searched in the direction he went for like 4 hours before we called emergency services & our organization that was gonna send out reinforcements to help us look.

We parked our giant truck on the top on the highest hill around us, with our high beems on, and blared on the horn all night, hoping that he was going to find his way back to us. He never did.

We spent 38 hours looking for this person, and since we all knew his history, we legitimately thought he was dead.\

The next day we had the whole BLM (Bureau of Land Management) looking for him. They were about to call in the fucking helicopters.

Now, this next part is gonna sound like some bullshit I just made up but I stg it is true. My dumbass forgot to restock the first aid kit. My co-lead got stung by a bee / wasp while we were doing a grid search, and for the first time in his life, he had a major allergic reaction that none of the leftover meds we had would take down.

So we had to take him into town (an approximately 15 mile drive on back roads) and I did it since I was one of the few that was allowed to drive our trucks.

This motherfucker, Shawn, literally stumbled across the road while I was driving my co-lead into to town. Idk how the fuck he found this road. Idk how the fuck his timing was absolutely perfect. But we found him. After 56 hours when all of us thought he was already dead.

We would have NEVER found him if not for this random happenstance. Some divine power wanted this kid alive I swear. Its some of the most insane shit I have ever experienced.

And here’s the kicker: THIS HAPPENED ON THE 3RD DAY OF AN 8 DAY PROJECT AND THEY MADE ALL OF US FINISH OUR WORK INCLUDING THE DUDE THAT WAS LAST FOR THAT LONG

The moral is never trust Non-profit organizations. They dont give a fuck about you. 

And if yall wanna head this story from Shawn’s perspective just lmk I am happy to share it.

#my posts #Iris story time #enjoy babe #I got plenty more where this came from. #This is 100% real #I fucking wish I was joking

[xb0rder-7inex]

I was moved to a women's shelter and let me tell how how much more fucking comfortable it is here.

For starters at the last shelter I met some people who already know who he is and already didn't like him before they saw me and that was unsettling for a few reasons but I won't go into details. I'm having a lot of anxiety tremors and there's nobody here to hold me and I'm trying to keep my head on straight and remember what I'm fighting for.

Every support worker here is a woman my age or only slightly older which makes them really easy to talk to. There are still a few "moms," but only a few. It definitely feels more like a camp than a shelter. I ate 3 healthy meals today. I took a 30 minute hot shower in a clean bathroom. I got to put on fresh clean pajamas that fit me. My bed is actually fucking warm. I'm allowed to use my own blanket. I can smoke weed in the parking lot. I'm not sleeping on a cot beside strangers and I have my own full sized locker. A little space to myself. These are all a relief because I will be here for quite a while. I'm glad they talked me into coming here.

I also talked to the courts today and they care about what I have to say about him and that's so fucking important to me. I talked with her on the phone for 20 minutes and she gave me a lot of positive feedback about options and reuniting families after safety plans have been put in place and I'm so fucking hopeful. I meet with her next week.

Guess the best place about rock bottom is that there's nowhere to go but up.

I have literally nobody left. My dad is helpful but my mom and I have nothing to talk about and I can't stay with either of them, especially if I want to get my life together in the way that I want to. My therapist and these support workers and some of the women staying here are the only people who get why I want to go back. It's so hard to talk about and if you think the stigma around bpd is bad I hope you never have to see the stigma around being a victim of dv who isn't ready to get out. Did you know victims will go back on average SEVEN times before they leave? I guess this is number two for me, but I had somewhere to go before and I genuinely believed he didn't want me anymore.

Still... This is 2 of ~7. That's just the statistics.

That's a long time for women to not have any of the support that they need. Everything is "let's keep you out" but I have had to FIND the people who say "let's keep you safe."

As hard as this is to do literally fucking alone, I am so proud of myself for being strong through this. So many times I wanted to die. So many times I wish he had killed me. And I'm proving to myself exactly who I fucking am, both who I am to myself and who I am to him. And I refuse to betray that. I made certain commitments when I went back and I'm sticking to those commitments.

I have been emailing him several times a day but he obviously isn't allowed to talk to me so he doesn't respond. I don't know if he even opens them. I'm not blocked on snapchat and that's a good indication for me that he isn't done being in my life, although my biggest fear right now is that he doesn't care even though I know that's not who he actually is. He isn't a monster, he's just spent his entire fucking life being told that he is. I don't expect anyone to understand or be supportive but I always knew this day would come. I always fucking knew what my place in his life would mean.

I really do hope he fucking learns from this. I really fucking hope he sees that I'm fighting FOR him and realises that and doesn't take it for granted because I have never been so fucking low in my life.

I have never had this level of unconditional love for anybody, ever. And if he ever tries to tell me again that I don't fucking love him then I stg he better just kill me next time.

#actually borderline #bpd #being borderline #borderline problems #borderline things #bpd stuff #bpd problems #bpd fp #bpd vent #bpd relatable #tw : dv

[daisy-milk]

SKZ as JJK characters

ot8 (i will not take criticism on this list sorry. 😽🫰)(pic refs at the bottom… i tried my best)

Bang Chan > Nanami Kento

I think the personality fits him as well as his build. Idk I know Chan might not be as serious as Nanami but like HAVE YOU SEEN HIM ANGRY?? Personality wise its a stretch but god put him in the Nanami fit and trust.

Lee Know > Suguru Geto

Minho with long hair??? Literally him. Their voices even sound the same, Minho really just gives Geto vibes, both as Geto and as Kenjaku. Out of all of skz, he gives the most “villain” energy, but not like big, bad, evil villain, but like the dude is pretty devious.

Changbin > Toji

…yeah. I debated giving Toji to Chan, but like Changbin is huge daddy energy and I don’t think Chan fits the feral-ness like Binnie does. Also bro already dresses like Toji 90% of the time anyways. Give him a scar and we win.

Hyunjin > Gojo

Personality wise, no, but like there is absolutely no one who can match Gojo’s pretty boy level like Hyunjin. Like if I imagined Gojo in real life, it would definetly be a face like Hyunjin. (Plus his height…….)

Han > Inumaki

Hear me out. Inumaki and Han might seem like a stretch but you KNOW Inumaki be spewing the most foul and unhinged shit behind his tuna mayos and mentaikos. I stg if we let Inumaki speak, he would say the most unhinged shit the government would have to put him on a watchlist for. ALSO him and Han are the most babygirl babygirls of all fucking time. I doubted myself about this but like tell me I’m wrong????!!!!!

LOOOOOK

Felix > Itadori/Sukuna

Okay so originally I had Felix and Han switched for Inumaki and Itadori but this just makes so much sense if you think about it. Felix and Yuji (in season 1) are like the sweetest boys in the world, like I’m so convinced if you threw Felix in JJK in Yuji’s spot, he would do the exact same thing, they literally care so much for everyone around them, but Sukuna? I’d say deep voice Felix is like the Sukuna equivalent when it comes out of him.

i know it’s a stretch but like think about it…

Seungmin > Megumi

This was an easy one. They even look the same if you give Seungmin spikey hair. Everything down to their personality and the way they talk is nearly the same. Plus they’re both puppy boys. I literally will not hear any arguments against this. Also Toji/Changbin dad? Yeah.

I.N > Yuta

Another pretty easy one. Two pretty boys with sweet faces but like low-key jacked? Also the switch from JJK 0 Yuta to year 3 manga Yuji is soooo Jeongin coded. Jeongin could literally do both, JJK 0 Yuta is the usual Maknae cute boy I.N and manga Yuta? Have you seen Jeongin’s stage????? (Let me be his Rika please please please I’ll get hit by a car just to be attached to him. For legal reasons I’m joking.)

#stray kids #skz imagines #skz #stray kids x jjk #jujutsu kaisen #bang chan #nanami #lee know #geto #changbin #toji #hyunjin #gojo #han #inumaki #felix #itadori #seungmin #yuji #jeongin #yuta #jujutsu gojo #jjk #skz jjk #skz x jjk

[virgincels]

tumblr please ... let a girl speak !!

anyways ... i just wanna say that you have shown me so many things i never thought i would be into . likeeee especially ddlg ... i used to hate it and was soooo hesitant to read lovey dovey just bc i thought i wouldn't like it ... BUT it was a cherry fix so ofc i had to indulge !! now it's def one of my favorite fics ever !!! i think i was just using my hatred for ddlg to repress the fact that i like it idk ... it still makes me feel a lil icky sometimes but that might just be bc ik i would try it irl if i had the chance ...

now all i think about is ddlg Leon ... i want to wear a pretty lil dress and i want him to tell me it's too short before bending me over his knee :3 bc how dare i even think about wearing a dress so short out of the house !! thinking about wearing the dress out anyways and he pulls up the skirt in public just see the pretty lil palm prints he left :3 ik that's kind of like ... cliche .... but i need him i stg

-💉

HAIII ANON :3 sorry my inbox is so fucky 😭 and oh my gosh.. i was actually hesitant to write and post ddlg I think cuz it’s the kink that translates to real life… it’s like icky to me even tho it’s quite literally the tamest thing I’ve ever written i think LMFAO

ddlg leon is like.. he gets such a power trip like omg give him a month and it’s like. it’s over for little you.. like omg he’s sick he’s so STRICT. and his reasoning is always like it’s for ur own good!! but i also think he’s fucking easy also.. like you could worm your way into getting whatever you want if you try hard enough and say the right things.. and leon is like.. also just not a stickler for rules like omg he has a power trip for a while and then he’s back to letting you draw on the walls and shit .. also wants you to wear the shortest skirts out but will say no for the sake of being your daddy. but is like hoping you wear it anyway .

#inbox 💌 #💉 anon

[bunnyreaper]

hello, anon with the boyfriend (can i dub myself 🍇? is that a thing i can do?) responding to both you and that other anon!

how does one like... can i get tmi real quick? wait we were talking about fingering this has got to be okay ignore me if not but like i've tried to mention stuff in the pasttttttt about like stuff that i like. especially dirty talk or god even just sounds in general because this man is extremely quiet and i've mentioned it a few times before and like other stuff too and i feel like it doesn't change ): like idk if i just wasn't saying it i guess seriously enough or convincing enough maybe?

how do you guys get the courage(? i think) to talk about that stuff? am i just dumb? especially when it comes to me like actually finishing because if i don't manage to finish before he does then i just... don't get to at all 🙃 like do you guys just full send it and it just works?

anyway sorry this is tmi but i need to change something soon i stg 😭

YOU ARE NOW GRAPES BABY!!

If you are mentioning that you're into something, what is his response? Does he say that it sounds good and never acts on it?

Because reading between the lines here, and I'm sorry, your bf sounds fucking selfish. It's hard to build that courage anyway, but especially so if you feel like your needs aren't the priority because you've been made to feel that way by a neglectful partner. I know he and your relationship will be multifaceted, but this is no bueno!

you need to sit him down properly and explain like "hey im sure this isn't what you intended but I feel X because of Y and I would appreciate if you did Z, does that sound good to you?"

Imma be real with you. Some men are lazy as fuck and settle for giving the bare minimum (yes everyone does it ofc but you know), my boyfriend is guilty of it sometimes too, and at this point in life I just have to stop giving a fuck. Like sometimes he'll say to me "I feel bad because I cum a lot more than you do." And i just say "Then put in the effort to make me cum?"

Bcs SOMETIMES you just gotta be blunt!!

AND look it's easy for me to give this advice but I find it so hard to take it myself, so I'm still there with you learning! Any input from anyone else is appreciated as always ❤️

#bunny mail #🍇

[victimized-martyr]

20 & 28? i love all ur takes on kyman so so much!!!

These questions are a blast! I'm just happy y'all give me the chance to ramble abt them ghfs so thankssss

20. Do Stan and Kenny (and Butters) approve of this relationship?

Kenny canonically keeps most of his opinions to himself, and likes to watch from a distance. He’d approach Kyman in the same way, watching them unfold with a morbid curiosity, dishing his legendary advice only when he feels he absolutely must. Does that make him a dick? Probably. But, what else would you expect from Eric Cartman’s best friend?  

Butters on the other hand, is super vocal in his approval. The moment Cartman announces he’s with Kyle, its streams of "Congratulations, Eric!” and “Shoot, anyone could see this comin’ a mile away!" and “Don’t go breakin’ Kyle’s heart, Eric. He’ll fuck you up nine ways to Sunday if you do :D” 

And then there’s Stan. 

Kyle. and Cartman. Cartman and Kyle. Together….Would he approve? Well, he wouldn’t know. This indecision isn't the result of slow observation; he sensed something between Cartman and Kyle before they realized they had feelings for one another. It’s that Stan hates change, and he's anxious to think how the relationship will permanently affect the group, the one thing in Stan's life that’s endured all of South Park’s shittiness. Would things change for the better? Or worse? There’s so many ways Cartman and Kyle could fail and make things awkward in the group. Or, what if they get so engrossed with each other that they left him behind? That he disintegrates into white noise, losing his best friend? Cartman’s the only person capable of bringing out emotions no one else could with Kyle, so will he become the best or worst version of himself? It’s all too much. He needs a lot of time to process it. 

 More than anyone else, Kyle seeks Stan’s approval in his decisions, and has often come to him to rant about Cartman. Usually, he’d get a blunt response that refocuses him, if he ever gets a response at all. This time, he needs a prompt response, and Kyle’s patience is infamously thin. Kyle is already wracked with anxiety about whether being with Cartman is the “right” thing to do. Seeing Stan close in on himself once hearing the news sends Kyle’s paranoia thru the roof lmao. 

This is a whole ass fic askin to be written (am i not writing one already HILKDJGHLI), but essentially, Stan and Kyle would have a fallout before Stan reaches a conclusion on Kyman. Stan would probably say something he’d regret and be all moody and emotional for a while. Then he’ll get bitch slapped some sense into him by Wendy, or Kenny, or hell, maybe Cartman (because “Darsh, I can’t properly make out with mah boo cause he’s too busy PMS’ing over his butfucking-boyfriend. So cut the shit out already. "). He’s forced to realize that he should still be there for his best friend, whether he ends up approving of the relationship or not. Yes, Kyle wants his approval, but he also wants his super best friend more. (stg this is Kenny Dies all over again. Hoe runs away to deal with his own emotions before being there for others. When will he learn lol)

Stan’s wary for a majority of the relationship. But he’s there for Kyle. He’ll always be there. 

28. controversial opinion on kyman?

It has less to do with Kyman and more to do with tropes. I'm so SO tired of Party at Tolkien's House as the catalyst for Kyman. ;-; it's just, too easy to write, and it's even easier to fall into the trappings of "kiss as the only romantic awakening" and teen angst. Honestly? The kids probably wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves, bc the adults suck, and it's south park, so they end up crashing the party. And then aliens get involved, bc shit like that happens. Kyle and Cartman are feelin each other up and wanna seal the deal in the closet~? Well they can't. Randy's in there playin 7 minutes in heaven with a monkey and lo and behold, is the reason we have monkeypox declared as a health emergency.

#asks #kyman #south park #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #it's 5 am and I typed in 'Eric Broflovski' and was like 'why isnt his tag comin up' HKGFSHGS i need to sleep #I'm just bitter @ the trope hgkfd but I've read some truly good shit that uses that trope anyways #idk at this point im like do we HAVE to have a party at tolkiens? isnt there any other way for kyman to get together??

[moregraceful]

1, 3, 5, 6?

I was like this will be easy if we narrow it by team but very difficult if we do it broadly...fuck around and find out 😩

Anyway for hockey:

which character do you relate to the most from your fandom?

GOD. I almost said Connor McDavid bc I too suffer the agonies but I am like, not nearly good enough at any one single thing to claim I'm like the next next one. YOU KNOW WHAT. maybe Cole Caufield, bc a) we're both short kings, b) I also get ripped up when my goals and life plans fall apart but I am Learning To Love The Journey, c) we love the homies and the homies love us, d) good size for huggin, e) my social circle is wide and affectionate enough that people get a bit 🧐 about interactions with my friends too, and f) the whole thing at the NTDP where him and Jack Hughes were BEST FRIENDS!! WHO SHARED EACH OTHER'S SUCCESSES!! LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PRE-DRAFT PROFILE ON THEM MENTIONED THE OTHER!! AND THEN GETTING DRAFTED AND THE RELIEF ON COLE'S FACE WHEN MTL FINALLY PICKED HIM AND HOW EXCITED JACK WAS FOR HIM!! and now they're like the most underrated ship of the 2019 ntdp draft class and no one in fandom or the media ever thinks of them as a pair (except me, bc I have brain damage) but the love is still clearly there. anyway that whole situation of: childhood best friends who successes made each other what they are but the relevancy of that has faded overtime as they've grown up but there's still clearly a lot of love and affection...to drive this ask straight into a bridge, I recently found out one of my best friends in middle school died and I was thinking a lot abt how I hadn't spoken to him in over a decade (just due to like drifting apart, not a falling out or anything) but the fondness I feel for him is still so visceral....it's abt what we take with us as we grow. The love is still there, even as we fade out of each other's lives.

mainly we're both so fucking short. no way that dude is 5'7. no way

3. what is your favorite ship?

this is so hard bc as people get traded and the narrative evolves, my tastes change and I drop ships...anyway generally any Cale Makar ship makes me insane due to aforementioned brain damage (except natecale sorry to natecale nation but that's my one single notp) but rn I am sitting here so impatiently waiting for people to GET ON BOARD with Devon Toews/Cale Makar. Devon Toews is HANDSOME. AND CONFIDENT. AND HE WEARS PINK SUITS. you think he isn't blowing Cale Makar: most boring man on the planet's mind on the reg? You know how Cale never smiles anymore but sometimes he smiles around Devon??? my god. The photo of them at the Nuggies game looking like boyfriends?? kill me??? like I know the story of my fandom engagement is just me noodling from Cale Makar rarepair to Cale Makar rarepair but I stg Avs fans we GOTTA open our hearts to Devon Toews. GOTTA.

5. who is your favorite character (and maybe why?)

I love Cale Makar and Cale Makar hates me, because I keep writing weird rarepairs about him. My Avs fandom has kind of faded with time but every once in a while I see Cale Makar photo or gif or quote about how boring he is and there's a little kaiju in my head that rips a building off its foundations.

Also every Asian guy who has ever played the game and wasn't a douche bc they are my people and I must stan my people. Robo I love you. Kailer I love you. Nick Suzuki I love you, you monotone doofus. Matt Dumba? Make him commissioner. Paul Kariya I wish you ran DoPS and I also wish your husband would get off Twitter.

6. when you first think of the fandom, what image comes to mind?

This is SUCH an interesting question. like there's definitely vibes and memories and stories that come to mind immediately, but an IMAGE...maybe the fake worlds kiss photo from the inimitable @msmargaretmurry's fic The Next Next One which haunts me in my sleep. I have like real visceral memories of sitting in the Denver airport choking back tears when I got the final installment of that fic in my inbox, that is also an image. also this photo is the first photo I ever reblogged of hockey (I was a hater for SO long, sorry about the tags) and it still hits 8 years later. the joy on everyone's faces!! it's cute!!

Thank you for the ask my friend!!

#also the other 2 images for maddy and becs if you see this is: the soulmark behind connor's ear in the soulmate fic; gutterslut dylan #like...all things in my hockey fandom just come back to maddy and becs in the end honestly. formative influences on my psyche #i am sorry i have strayed so far from your light 😞 #also sorry to everyone reading this for the absolute turn my answer took in that first answer. this post is mostly jokes but cw for death #me: haha cole caulfield because we are both short. also it's abt LOVE and GROWTH and LOSS #everyone reading this: [quietly unfollows] #cage replies #laughingthelaughiest #fresno oilers.txt #thank you ko...you always keep me on my toes....

[thompsborn]

in other news im still hoping to post hb ch17 before the end of january. would have been out by now because i stg i have been working on it ever since posting ch16!! but the investigation plot line is for some reason not cooperating in my brain so i keep feeling like i’m not remembering shit right and unfortunately my dumbass did not keep like a solid doc keeping track of my plans for the entire investigation plot or what i’ve already put in the fic, which wasnt an issue for ch16 since ch16 was very much peter and harley and the development of their relationship centric but ch17 is very much supposed to be the climax of the investigation so i NEED the investigation plot to be ironed out and clear in my brain, you know?

basically what i’m saying is my plan is now to reread the first 16 chapters and make a scene by scene list, an official timeline, and a page dedicated to just the investigation to see where i’m at on it and what i need to do to write the climax of it, and once i have that figured the fuck out ch17 will be much MUCH easier to write and i can bust it out in like a day or two

i already wanted to do this anyway because while i’ve had my intentions for the fic and the various plot lines figured out ever since like ch2, i’ve never put it all in one coherent place, and with hb being almost done the sequel coming up, i really REALLY need this shit to be in one place and easy to navigate lmao

basically: i’m going through ch1-8 today to break it down, then 9-16 tomorrow, so that this weekend, which i have no plans for other than some housework and writing as much as i can, i can hopefully write the chapter, or at least a majority of it, and can then therefore get it finished, beta’d, and posted before february. which is a week away. so.

as per usual, i make no promises as my life seems to consists 90% of unexpected circumstances getting in the way of my plans, but that is my current goal!

#also unrelated but i’m rewatching quinton reviews nickolodeon show analysis videos #which i havent watched the sam and cat ones but i did watch the icarly and victorious ones when they were coming out #but its been like 1 1/2-2 years since i watched them and this is very fun #but since i HAVE watched it and also watched these shows as a kid #its nice background noise and very entertaining to randomly tune into while taking short breaks lmao #homeward bound fic

[nightcolorz]

Fmk Andrei Amadeo Armand

I hope u explode. Anyways. Fuck armand kill Amadeo marry Andrei. Armand is the only adult so easy choice there 😋 also armand hot and sexy. Marry Andrei but in a he is living with me now and we r legally obligated to each other sense, more like adoption then marriage actually. I just adopt Andrei I changed the rules fuck u. Kill Amadeo bcus he’s dead anyways 😕 sad. Now here is the version where I make an au where they r all adults

Fuck Andrei kill Amadeo Marry Armand. Sorry Amadeo is still dieded 🙁 sad. Anyways I’ll fuck adult human Andrei in an au where he was normal and lived his best old Russian life and never was trafficked or abused ever. He would def be big and bearded and rugged cuz he like, fights bears or whatever like his dad, but also he paints and he loves god and he’s autistic 😛 he has sm range I like that in a man. Andrei and I would get caught in a snow storm and we’d scramble to make a fire to survive then we’d lock eye as I twinkishly stare up at him while he does all the work and Id say “I know a better way to warm us up” and he’d lean in for a kiss then hed fuck me so hard and nasty we both pass out in the snow and die right after worth it. marry armand for reasons I have spoken of before in past fmks. I stg he would treat me so right he spoils tf out of his bfs he’d buy me my fucking mansion and more all for the small price of force feeding me color coded smoothies and psychologically torturing me it works out cuz I’m aroused by that. Kill Amadeo 🙁 he is dead anyway. LMFAOO I love Amadeo sm I swear but this bitch could do nothing for me. Au where Amadeo lives to be an adult and goes to school and moves out of the palazzo as intended for the other boys. I’m sorry he could never fuck like Andrei. And god damn it he would not treat me right like Armand this cunt was getting hand fed grapes half his childhood and traumatized so bad he has every disorder the other half his ass could not meet my emotional needs!! I would only take on therapist role and it wouldn’t be good for me so unfortunately he has to die 😕. Also. Amadeo does not fuck good sorry. OK OK I can not be going at it with Amadeo two bottom problem they call it. it wouldn’t work. Rip Amadeo anyways

#The vampire armand #asks #tvc

[deathandthemaiden23]

An incomplete list of things I appreciate about Shrek 2, written as I was watching it after having consumed an inordinate amount of the devil's lettuce:

The "Sargeant Pompous and Fancy Pants Club Band" scene with the fanfare that turns into Hawaii Five-O I can't properly illustrate to you how much this scene tickles me its perfect the regal buildup with the fanfare the perfectly spirited rendition of the Hawaii Five-O theme by Reggie and then Sargeant Pompous cutting him off with a head smack just ugh amazing peak cinema

The whole movie in summary is just "rip Shrek" because I stg within the first 15 minutes ALONE he gets cockblocked by Donkey, loses the fight to go see his in-laws, gets the piss annoyed out of him by Donkey once again the entire ride over, and THEN he accidentally hits on the queen 10 seconds into their first conversation when he says "its easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from" like just pour one out for this guy he's dead he's ceased to be bereft of life he rests in peace

Fairy Godmother's first song where she's singing to Fiona about getting the "prince with the sexy tush" just tickles me because she's singing about HER SON she's like dishing with Fiona about boys but the boy is THAT fuckin weiner I just omg

Harold at one point says he's just taken his pills and that they make him drowsy which is funny to me because the SCU (shrek cinematic universe) takes place in a largely medieval setting and yet somehow there's still modern pills widely accessible and they probably didn't call them pills back then anyway I just idk its shit like this that makes me love Shrek

When Harold is talking with Fairy Godmother in the coach and she says "YOU FORCE ME TO DO SOMETHING I REALLY DONT WANT TO DO" in front of the window to Friar's Fat Boy Prince Charming has like... the funniest fucking smug look on his face as he looks at his mom and then back at Harold like I never noticed his face in that shot before and its SO funny I recommend laser focusing on it the next time you watch it lmfao

The fact that there was a point in time where Puss just fuckin hung out at the Poison Apple being a brooding mercenary-for-hire in the backroom of the bar like that's how he was introduced into this series his first interaction with Shrek was trying to kill his ass and I just think that's amazing when juxtaposed with his current personality like does he just take on a new identity with each new life I bet Death was having a good time watching this jackass risk his life trying to kill other people only to come back and hang out in a dark ass room by himself in a seedy bar lmfao

THE FUCKING "SIR JUSTIN" POSTER IN FIONA'S ROOM WHICH I NEVER UNDERSTOOD AS A CHILD BECAUSE I WAS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW OF JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SO I JUST DIDNT UNDERSTAND IT AT THE TIME AND NOW ITS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THROWAWAY JOKES I'VE *EVER* SEEN IN A MOVIE HANDS DOWN

I think it's interesting that Shrek kinda just reads Fiona's childhood diary, something that would be considered big enough to warrant an Act 2 betrayal arc but... Nothing really comes of this, if anything at all and I just think that's... huh. Guess they had too much fucking meat on the sandwich that was Shrek 2 to work in that pickle of a situation like yeah Fiona knows that Shrek read her diary but she doesn't seem to hold it against him and I think that's an interesting take on that type of plot thread it just goes to show just how much they seem to trust and love each other

I love the fact that Fairy Godmother apparently regularly indulged in posh frippery like having coffee and monte cristos and things that are "deep-fried and smothered in chocolate" because that inherently implies that there is a kitchen somewhere in the factory and she has people in her employ specifically to bring her shit like that around the clock she has a gourmet kitchen somewhere in that fucking factory also are we to assume that she might be eating like this more frequently lately as a result of Harold ruining her diet I just idk where I'm going with this point is there's so many things like this in this movie that make me want to ask a thousand more questions

Knowing that Fairy Godmother was apparently making the love potion that comes into play later when Shrek walks in on her in the factory is so funny because goddamn she really is trying to pimp her son out lmfao

The chase scene through the factory gives me goosebumps every time I watch it like make fun of the Shrek soundtracks' tendencies to use eclectic modern music all you want but said music is actually reasonably applicable to the plot and fits the movie well and like the cover of Buzzcocks' "Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)" in this scene literally fits the plot so well when taking into account the difficulties Shrek and Fiona are having in their marriage and Shrek is literally taking action to save said marriage because like the narrator in the song he doesn't want to lose the other person despite all the difficulties they're having I just ach man these movies just get me every time I watch them

I LOVE how Fiona has her own agency as a female character? She's capable of kicking ass all on her own and taking charge when she needs to; in the third act of this movie she doesn't just wait around for Shrek to come back she actively makes a plan to go out and look for him and then go back home to the swamp so they can both be happy its just so apparent to me that the people that write these movies really care about fleshing her out because she IS the secondary protagonist after Shrek and before you say what about Donkey he's an important character but the story revolves around Shrek and Fiona's relationship more or less and centers on them going through all the stages of love and marriage together and I just really appreciate that Fiona is given time as a character to do things on her own independent from Shrek she's just a kickass female lead okay tons of good female characters in Shrek but she's one of the best

Since I mentioned Donkey I feel it would be remiss not to mention his bond with Shrek? Its developed a lot during the first Shrek but like with Shrek and Fiona's relationship his friendship with Donkey just becomes a lot more natural in 2, like Shrek genuinely likes having Donkey around. He puts up with him annoying the piss out of him during the ride to Far Far Away and lets him come along to begin with instead of leaving him at home, he jokes around with him and teases him a fair amount, and he like even apologizes if he snaps at him I just appreciate Shrek actually working to be there and be good to the people he cares about since he's spent so much time alone and only looking out for himself Dreamworks' ability to make their relationships seem real and developed and organic regardless of the limited runtime is so amazing to me like they did such a good job with Shrek and Fiona obviously but Shrek and Donkey are friends before anything else happens and in a way Shrek's friendship with Donkey is what opens him up enough to see a future with Fiona in the first place

I CANT BELIEVE I NEVER NOTICED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE CLIMAX WHEN FAIRY GODMOTHER LEAVES HER COACH TO "WALK" DOWN THE RED CARPET KYLE IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS "KYLE" IN RHINESTONES I AM PISSING MYSELF LAUGHING

The fact that modern tech like TVs somehow exists in this universe never fails to tickle me lmfao like it somehow makes Shrek so much more entertaining to me personally knowing something called "Wheel of Torture" canonically exists and is being broadcast to anyone with a TV apparently which begs the question if this tech is easily accessible or not to everyone in the SCU because they don't exact zero in on stuff like this

Given the fact that Gingy wants to watch stuff like Wheel of Torture over the Far Far Away Royal Ball it makes total sense that he'd see the medieval equivalent of Cops and be like "now THIS is good TV" Gingy is a bootlicker confirmed

The fucking OJ Simpson reference is another one of those things that flew right over my head as a kid and now that I'm an adult I know they most likely threw that shit in to amuse parents but still oh my god the audacity of the Shrek crew to even do this bit at all is unparallelled

MODERN GRAFFITI EXISTS IN SHREK APPARENTLY? I HAVE NO THOUGHTFUL COMMENTARY ON THAT I JUST NOTICED IT DURING THE KNIGHTS SCENE AND LOST MY SHIT

ALSO THE SCENE WHERE THEY GRIND PEPPER IN SHREK'S EYES INSTEAD OF MACING HIM I JUST... AGH THE JOKES MAN THEY ALMOST ALWAYS HIT

Oh god man the climax just... The climax. You get chills when Holding Out For a Hero starts and Fairy Godmother's dress turns red and sparkly?? When Fiona keeps dodging Prince Charming's advances during the instrumental break??? PUSS DUKING IT OUT WITH THE KNIGHTS IN THE CASTLE WHILE TELLING SHREK AND DONKEY TO KEEP GOING WITHOUT HIM???? SHREK BEING LIKE HEY YOU FUCK BACK AWAY FROM MY WIFE WHEN HE FINALLY GETS TO THE COURTYARD????? FUCK MAN JUST FUCK

Fucking LOVE freeze-frame credits and Shrek 2 is the best damn example of it imo it just gives you goosebumps when the names pop up during key scenes with the characters AND DONKEY AND PUSS ARE SINGING LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA THE WHOLE TIME????

LOVE the other version of Holding Out For a Hero featured during the first credits, genuinely spine-tingling

I really appreciate how like... People generally tend to like Shrek when they get to know him better? Donkey, Fiona obviously, Puss starts off trying to kill him and then becomes like best friends with him, her parents warm up to him and even the whole of Far Far Away applauds when Shrek kisses Fiona at the end I just awh its so nice this whole series is like a gentle yet hilarious reminder that even outcasts are worthy of love maybe that's why I vibe so hard with Shrek its core message hits very close to home for me and even with Last Wish the whole philosophical discussion of life and treasuring what you have is such a good, good message that ALSO hits home super hard I've gone on long enough Shrek 2 is a masterpiece, easily tied with Last Wish as my favorite of the series

#shrek #shrek 2 #shrek donkey #puss in boots #dreamworks #puss in boots death #puss in boots the last wish #if you read to the end congrats you win an ✨️ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS™️✨️ #no but seriously if you actually read any of this thank u for going on this journey with me lol #i tagged death and last wish bc they're mentioned here and there throughout #i have been watching shrek 2 for an entire week making this list #who the hell am i #why is this who i am now #oop forgot some tags #fiona shrek #fairy godmother #prince charming #shut up theres a lot of characters

[charmixpower]

Rewatching season 1 (and actually paying attention to Sky to figure out what the fuck everyone is talking about): Part 1

EP 1:

Bloom draws both landscapes and figure drawings and prefers working in pencil…Girl knows how smuding works, give me your power

What fucking hair cut it this, it's always bothered me ndejndns

Mike and Vanessa talk about trying to save up enough to get Bloom a scooter 🛵 😭 their trying their best y'all

Mitzi…babe…do you not have anything better to do? I stg this girl's only joy in life is being annoying at Bloom

Bloom: growls at Mitzi

Bloom: have :) :) a :) nice :) :) summer :) Mitzi :) :)

Bloom runs like she's never been outside before

The most important bitch in the magical dimension is here!!!!

Bloom seeing Stella incinerate some imps that could very well attack her: :0 wow……

Girl has never heard of a self preservation instinct

Stella calling herself the sun and moon fairy only for the moon part to be completely ignored 🤡🤡

When Knut charges Stella we get a close up of her eyes implying that she's about to do something before she is instantly tossed aside. This show has no clue what it's doing and I love it

Bloom: LET HER GO

Bloom: wait, fuck, I don't have a plan

Bloom is 80% impulsive decisions by volume

OH SHIT, she literally summons the great dragon to attack Knut….

Wait she literally summons the dragon, you can see it. How did no one put this together sooner??? Knut wouldn't bc he's not wearing his glasses…I guess Stella's a little busy being in danger

Stella: are you ok?

Bloom looking up at Stella bathed in sun light: oh no I'm bisexual

Stella says bc she has her scepter she's no longer scared and—Stella is clearly the best fighter of the girls in s1, and as a princess I doubt she has a battle tutor? What I'm saying is that she's self taught and only learned combat with her scepter

Stella's fairy outfit is so fucking cool right up until she's next to other people with far more detailed outfits….Stella first transformed very young and that's why her outfit is so comparatively plain, change my mind…oh I should totally incorporate that idea into the redesign nfjsjejej

Knut can teleport?????????? I thought ogres couldn't use magic?? Is he using an item?

God I love Stella's princess outfit so much

How the fuck did Bloom get Stella to her house??

Did the Trix just have a hunting troll around just in case

You know how Stella's hair thing looks like her scepter??? What if instead of a ring it was a hair piece??

Stella: fuck conversation, I'm going to ruin this man's house phone

"and I was forced to land here" Stella was teleporting yes? Does this mean her teleportation isn't actually teleportation but light speed travel that looks like teleportation??? If so that would be dope as fuck… Darcy must of been the one to attack her while she was trying to get to Magix

"Have you registered for the new program at Alfea castle?"

New?? Also Stella, babe, she just learned she was a fairy. Be nice fjejd

Stella fangirling over Bloom's art then instantly apologizing for being nosey 🥺🥺 Stella I love youuu

Stella final pose in her magic Winx is so cute, so much personality

STELLA FUCKING KICKED THE HUNTING TROLL I LOVE HER

I love how Mike was holding open the window for Vanessa and glaring down Knut when he looked at them!! These two are sweet

Rip the house jfc, also Stella hasn't taken out her scepter despite not 10 min ago her basically saying it helps her fight better

Brandon: WAKE THE FUCK UP ASSHOLES, STELLA JUST TEXTED ME

Timmy: it's two am

Brandon: did I ask???

Riven: I am going to strangle you in your sleep

Brandon: yeah yeah, death and destruction, your very scary Riven. She said theirs a troll to catch~ and an ogre~ who ever caught that would be super cool

Riven: fuck you, asshole. I'll get the ship ready

Brandon: so easy

Apparently Mitzi can hear this fight all the way in her upscale neighborhood, tell me how the cops haven't been called

My favorite part about this is that Riven's introduction is that he's instantly humiliated after being a cockly little bastard, like yes. Don't allow him to be cool for a second

Brandon is just sitting there like -_-

That dynamic has enegry unparalleled

Sky is the only one smart enough to have a shield

I love how Brandon was so busy being bored of how fucking stupid Riven is he forgot to actually fight, how did any of these idiots make it out of preschool

Dude….you fucking broke her parents back yard. Not cool man. Not cool

He's so irritating, I wanna throw s1 Riven into the dryer

"Of course you are, I'm never wrong." STELLA I LOVE YOU

I love how Brandon instantly is already low key flirting, sir, calm it the fuck down

THEY FUCKING TELEPORT AWAY??? WHEN DID THE GUYS EVER HAVE TELEPORTATION GADGETS??? WHAT THE FUCK

Do you think Riven got teased for being a cringe fail idiot when they got back??

Mike is v dedicated to protecting his daughter, love that for him

ALFEA DOES START IN THE SUMMER!!!!! That probably means they have all of winter off, with fall break instead of spring break. Idk how to feel abt this

Stella: they can't kick me out before I'm even back in

SO STELLA DOESN'T TRULY TELEPORT, SHE UTILIZES WORM HOLE LIKE THINGS

EP 2:

Alfea having a magic only barrier opens up so many plot holes. You'd think that the fact that Bloom could still enter Alfea after getting her powers stolen would be enough to tell her she still had them but no one mentions that. It also implies that every single specialist has magic which….ok, I can incorporate that into my belief system—but someone explain how the fucking rabbit can get in??

Why would Faragona want to keep nonmagical creatures out??

I love how Tecna is in the background of these shots :)) like the girlies are just around

Apparently the Princess of Calsito is so camera shy that no one would know that she isn't Bloom…. Help

"Budding young fairies, ugh, it's been so many centuries since I've been one of them." I wonder if her species has an exceptionally long life span or the more powerful a fairy is

"This school will be your home for the next five years" FIVE YEARS?! FIVE YEARS?! THIS SHOW HAS THREE SEASONS BEFORE THEY GRADUATE AND THEY AGE EXACTLY THREE YEARS WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PLOT HOLE IS THIS

I love how all the background characters are interesting enough that you can just put Musa, Flora, and Tecna in the background and have them not stuck out for being too interesting looking. Though their outfits tend to be brighter

How did they not just instantly fic the potions lab with an undo spell?

…. Alfea is the only school in the whole of Magix….Does she mean the planet, the city, or the dimension?

"be very careful, their are dangers lurking about. Stay away from the witches of cloud tower." This universe is so fucking dumb, their is a school where evil people learn to be evil and attack the other school from. Like the world building is on fire

This show loves zooming in on eyes

The princess of Calsito couldn't get a room to herself?

Flora ma'am I love you…they way she pets her plants

Tecna was standing right behind Bloom just to freak her out. Tecna's enegry is unparalleled. God I love Tecna shoes

OK BUT THEIR INTRODUCED IN THE ORDER OF: Bloom, Stella, Flora, Tecna, Musa, Aisha. WHICH IS BOTH THE BEST FRIENDS ORDER AND SEPARATES THEM BY TRIO

Tecna has a raspy voice…

"By the way, before you blow up your room, give us time to duck and cover" I love how Musa has a sense of humor, bby I love youuuuu

I love how Stella instantly responds with a joke to Tecna, she's so quick on her feet

I love Bloom's s1 pants so much

Bloom: what the fuck, this place doesn't have pizza???

Is Girselda ok??? Why are you stalking your students. I hate the writing of her character so much, I just want a nice teacher in a show ;-;

Ah Tecna was the one covering Bloomy's eyes when she first sees magix, I wonder why Tecna would do this

Musa: you sound disappointed

Bloom who wanted fantasy and got Sci-fi: ;-; bc I am

The fact that parking spaces use magic to work implies that every one has magic. I demand to see Riven cast a spell now

Why did Knut call Icy and not Darcy who's less likely to yell at him?

Bloom: My phone isn't working :((

Tecna: ??? Maybe because you stole it from a museum???

Bloom: :0

Bloom: ;-;

Tecna: oh God oh fuck, I've ruined another soical interaction

I love my autistic baby, she has no clue how a interaction is supposed to go

Bloomy why are you chasing Knut by yourself?? When your friends are right over there?? What are you planning on doing

What is even happening here? Can Darcy intrinsically sense when she's being watched? How does that even work

Bloom: I am a fairy >:(

Icy: your a freshmen

Icy and Darcy are just fucking around but Stormy puts real effort into attacking Bloom.... Girl is unhinged 💗

Icy is so damn dramatic

I love how Tenca is like, yes I so badass and cool, I'm going to do karate moves in my transformation. Please do not think about the fact that I've never thrown a punch in my life

I just realized they all do the two fingers hand over eachother thing.... I think they'd all agree to do that with eachother later but the need to reused animation

Musa's cd 😭😭

I love how Stella is so smart, girl said fuck this let's retreat

Stella is so gentle with Bloom when warming her up.....and she totally forgot about the others

Why didn't Stella teleport them directly back to Alfea?

Girselda be nice to the baby

Bloom instantly decides that their all besties and need a group name

Y'all have only known each other one day and they're already like "yeah, I'll base my whole magical identity on hanging out with you guys" fkjwndwn

Musa is trying to hard to be cool I love her

Winx is an amazing name Bloomy

BLOOM WHEN DID YOU MAKE THAT AND WHY DO YOU NEED A LOGO?!

Stella is so ready to support Bloom I'm in love

EP 3:

I love how the first three episodes are just the first two days

Stella didn't hesitate to check her hair when she got that mirror I love u girl

According to Stella Solaria doesn't have a intense worth ethnic and people tend to be chill. Good for them tbh, I'd imagine depression and anxiety rates are much lower on Solaria

"I want to become a real fairy! Successful! Beautiful! Powerful! And universally admired." Stella, your hpd is showing bestie "....of course I also want to do good things, like making people happy and bring estranged lovers back together. Starting with my parents."

Its my mental illness type and I GET TO PROJECT ON MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS

Amore and Stella would of been so much more interesting if they played on that line of her. Also Stella's parents were already estranged by s1 which probably means they've been divorced for a while

Stella's skirt becomes a pair of shorts at 4:17. They look cute ngl

Flora is here to learn and Stella is such an over familiar dork hitting Flora with a pillow

Bloom: that's the problem, I don't know what I'm doing here

Bloom you just found out magic existed, it's your first year, chill

Bro they just exclude the witches every year that's so rude

Fragonda: and as is tradition! I want free labor. You kids decorate

Out of all the Trix the fact that Darcy wants to crash the party and Stormy doesn't is weird...but I can see Stormy thinking school assigned chaos is boring and Darcy wanting perfectly controlled disaster

My baby was so excited to talk about her music that she ran in front of everyone to tell them about it and they all walked past her 😭😭😭

"and of course I refuse to go unnoticed" *points at Stella* SYMTOM!!! SYMTOM!!!!

MY SECOND FAVORITE STELLA DRESS!!!! (I said dress not outfit) AND MY FAVORITE TECNA DRESS!!!!

LOOK AT THEM!!!

Tecna is SUCH A DIVA and it looks so amazing on her. Tbh Tecna always looks amazing with her headgear, she needs more headgear

I also Love Love Musa's outfit (if me incorporating it into her Charmix constantly wasn't an indicator) she looks so cool. The colors are horrendous, but she really said imma wear pants and a off the shoulders shirt to this and anyone who has a problem can go fuck themselves. The only problems I have with the design of the outfit itself, except the saturation of the purple, is how the fuck that collar thing connects to her shirt. Like I like how the flare looks on her but how does this work??

Tecna: Guys? As if I care about that.

Musa: Then why are you dressed like an absolute diva??

Tenca: That's besides the point. You attend a ceremony, you dress accordingly

Tecna loves fashion for the sake of fashion confirmed

Also

Tecna 🤝 Aisha

Being implied to be wlw or aro before assigned boyfriend comes along

At least Nabu is a fun character without Aisha...can't say the same for someone else tho. Admittedly Nabu's introduction to the show and his plot reason to be around is trash tho

Flora.....girl...why are you stopping Stella from paying? Offend her what?

Bloom.....ask Stella for a dress from her closet 👀👀 ask her to help you tailor it 👀👀 you know you want to

Icy is the most teachers pet out of all the Trix.. what the fuck am I supposed to do with this information

IDIOT DUMBASS MORON SET HER FUCKING BED ON FIRE CUTTING A DRESS

Darcy: aw....enchanted little eggs....

She sounds genuinely enamored

Sky: I'm so happy to see you here

Bloom, seeing still panicked about the Trix: haha me too, have you seen Stella? There she is bye

Tecna has her own mental database

Fucking the guys are always wearing their uniforms this is a crime

I wanna see Brandon in a suit!!! I wanna see Riven stuffed into a suit!!! Sky. Timmy.

Musa: Flora... Bestie, you thinking what Im thinking?

Flora: :3

Flora: >:3

Brandon: um. What the fuck is going on. Can I be filled in?

Musa: don't worry your pretty little head

Bloom is acting like she doesn't know who would be trying to steal the ring

If Flora can see Bloom cornered...why did no one noticed the big ass fight

Musa was singled out to play something like it isn't her first day at school.... Faragonda what the fuck lady

Stormy has called Icy little sister

Ah yes... flying fixes vertigo

Bloom throws out death glares left and right in s1, love her

Why didn't they tell Bloom that the ring was swapped out before she got her ass kicked

Bloom shows up an hour late in a okay outfit and everybody clapped...main characteritius

Did Flora really give a baby animal to a murderous woman?? She's so lucky that this is a kids show

Bro, Sky is so excited to flirt with Bloom and they haven't even had a full conversation yet. The railroading of the relationships in this show is powerful

EP 4:

"Don't use magic!" "Listen to the voice of nature which is a inherently magical trait" I'm going feral

I love how all the girls instantly follow Flora

"Oh yes dear~ all this mud is so very inconvenient." Musa do be making pot shots at Stella, huh?

The Sky/Brandon thing is so weird.... Imagine calling your own name to get your besties attention

They must both turn around whenever either of their names are called

Riven: I am going to be the most annoying person on their air craft

He's having fun flying the ship 🥺 he's lucky I can't smack his idiot self from behind this screen

Flora: You guys ok?

Riven: isn't it rather obvious??

Musa: OMG THAT ONE, I WANT THAT ONE. THE ONE WITH THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES RIGHT THERE, I WANT THAT ONE

Look at her adorable little face, she thinks she can fix him

Someone please get this girl some therepy. Riven too. Then, and only then, can you two kiss

What the fuck does Musa see in him? Ask her collection of bad boy romance novels and her Lana del Rey playlist

WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS CROWD OF EXTRAS COME FROM

Tecna: You guys let the troll fucking escape?!

Brandon: ah yes, the giant hole in the ship was because we let the troll walk out

Riven at all times is overcompensating for both his paranoia, low self-esteem, and compete inability to read a fucking social cue. Which leads him to be the dumbest motherfucker alive

Riven is way too smug for how idiotic he is. You all have already fucked up majorly. Just take the L, it will be less embarrassing

Riven....go take multiple seats before someone sets you on fire with their mind. You do realize your fucking with people who can set people on fire with their minds right?

Riven you defensive little asshole

LMAO Brandon playing translator for their pet idiot

OMG THE FUCKING CROWD OF EXTRAS IS BACK, WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY ARE YOU HERE

"we can do this on our own!" Says the fairy in the middle of an assignment where their not allowed to use magic....girl what the fuck do you think I'd going to happen. Just threaten to set Riven on fire like a normal person

Flora bby just goes along with the others 😭

Tecna was the only one who could figure out they were attacked, she is the only bitch here that has a brain

Musa: the silence is erie

Musa, babe, their are near constant bird sound effects being played

I love how Tecna is genuinely getting annoyed by this nature shit

The fact that Bloom is leading everyone with the voice of nature and not Flora is definitely a choice (derogatory)

Timmy you are so fucking stupid, can you not HEAR the bird sounds? Do you think that their are no animals in swamps??? I'm going to attack you

Stella is a fucking idiot on par with the guys, this is amazing

Thank you Flora. Riven needs to live long enough to become a better person and kiss Musa, and Brandon isn't allowed to die under any circumstances

Riven.....Riven.....you are the stupidest motherfucker I've ever had the displeasure of seeing. I stg some of the shit he says makes no damn sense. Like??? Yeah don't stick around the people who know where their going and know the types of evil plants your going to encounter. I'm sure you'll make it very far. How did you make it past preschool

S1 Riven was just an asshole to be an asshole, huh??

I can fix you*

(*make your motives and assholerly more senseical and maybe tone it down a bit in some places so Musa at least has a reason to think your a good person underneath all that)

Riven....one day your going to get punched. But also why is Timmy here?? In a military school?? If he can't do physical things?? Like?? How did he make it into the school??? Bc he's implied to fucking suck at everything physical

(Actually my mom talked about people joining the military when they couldn't do a push up and how she was always paired up with them in basic training because she was the best. She hated thoese people for getting her remedial)

Sky is acting like he's never been around Riven's bitchass before

Thank you for protecting Timmy's honor tho, I'm sure he will appreciate it once Brandon digs him out of the mud

Remember when Brandon called the shots and Sky had to listen to him?????????? Tbh Brandon's ablity to communicate and excellently read soical ques and interpret people would make him a MUCH better leader

LMAO BYE BYE RIVEN 🤣 I love how he doesn't shut up until Brandon tells him to

I love how Tecna decides when something is fact. She, and only she, is the arbiter of Truth

This shows romance is run by the Subway masters with how fucking rigidity it sticks to it's tracks

Tecna did not fucking HESITATE to grab Riven's bitch ass. We Stan (1) logical queen

PFF also Riven falling in after just being the worst at Timmy is fucking hilarious

Sky's season one hair is like

send help, he looks like someone's teenage daugter

Thoese girls are so rude and for what?? You are all students. Riven being a bitch doesn't excuse this kind of nonsense

Bro Riven will just say anything won't he

Sir you have attached too much personal stake in your ego, please go to therepy before it crashes all around you and you have a mental break down

Sky: we're not specialists :(( were a bunch of rookies

Water is wet, fire it hot Sky. Your a freshmen

First opinion gained on Sky: he is a nice dude

Sky: the only thing we do really well together is argue

No that's just Riven

Timmy I appreciate you for yelling at Riven's bitch ass he deserves it

Ok but Riven laughing with Brandon after Timmy yells at them.... finally some good fucking food

Oh god the Tecna/Timmy rail road has begun. None of you people are good enough for Tecna. None of you deserve Tecna

Stormy and Darcy being anxious while Icy is annoyed with them

Dose it count if they got a ride? And who the FUCK fixed the ship

Musa will see Riven being a surly asshole and go "is anyone going to try and fix that?" And not wait for an answer

This teacher was watching them.... which means he saw his students get attacked by the troll..DUDE WHAT THE FUCK

These teachers are all fucked

Timmy: I finally feel like part of a group

Riven is still the fucking worst guys, I don't know if you forget

Brandon: haha, noo. Don't keep calling me prince. It's not like it makes me deeply uncomfortable

Stella's bed is so gorgeous, a bitch needs everything to be perfect

"good night Sky"

GIRL YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LIKE THREE DAYS PLEASE CHILL

EP 5:

Why does Alfea has kitchen duty??? I would never trust these children with a kitchen

Bloom as an only child has never cooked before. As an only child, can confirm. I also can't cook

Their all so mean to Stella but I can't blame them, she fucking ditched

Musa: a guy who knows you and still wants to date you?

Goddamn Musa, I get that you think your not like other girls, but please chill the fuck out

Also Musa says this like she doesn't have a crush on RIVEN

Girl this house is made of really nice glass, will you please stop throwing rocks around

I love how picking out clothes is a group activitie 🥺 yess, their girlies

Flora would wear all black on a date??? Why haven't we seen this?!

Stella: I designed it!

Musa: in the dark

Goddamn

Why the fuck did Bloom ask if Brandon was taking Sky on his date, girlie are you ok?

Bloom getting offended that Stella called "Brandon" "Sky"'s servant. "He's his assistant! Theirs a difference!" He's actually a squire which is closer to protege, bc Winx club has no clue how words work, and his job is more bodyguard. So your wrong on both fronts. Also when did Bloom get this idea? Was Sky so uppy about being seen as a servant that he told her to day this??

Musa fucking STRUGGLING to lift Stella's jewelry box.....Stella has abs confirmed

Tecna: my plot senses are tingling

This is why I wouldn't put a bunch of stupid teenagers, who can't pay attention for shit, in charge of dinner for a whole school. Someone is going to end up with food poisoning

Musa is so fucking grumpy that Stella gets to go on a date

SHES LITERALLY FUCKING POUTING HELP

Imagine after Rivusa gets together Musa is doing this and looking super cute and kissable and Riven kisses her until she forgets why she was mad bc she's so fucking cute in this image and deserves kisses

Tecna: I've not been programed for dating

You have two wolves inside of you

One says Tecna is aromantic

The other has been completely convinced by s2-3 Tecna being adorable that she's allo ace

Your a fucking idiot

Darcy, for being a witch of darkness, mind, disguise, and other related things, your shit at pretending to be people

PHIL?!

Musa favorite part of Alfea was lab class and that's why she's constantly coming for Stella's throat....That and maybe she's a little jealous that Stella can fuck up that bad and stay in school while Musa is on scholarship? I need an explanation for this

Darcy when the fuck did you have time to change into Stella's usual clothes

Bloom, seeing that Stella's magic was a dark purple: Ohhh FUCK, that's not Stella

Musa may go for Stella's throat constantly but she's number one "let's kill 'Sky' for hurting Stella"

RIVEN IS SO DAMN IRRITATING. No one was talking to you sweetie, go somewhere and think about what you've done

Remember when Sky had a dog? Yeah me too

Tecna: this kinda of perseverance isn't good Bloom

Bloom: neither are your electronic gadgets

Bloom is so mad about the idea that Tecna thinks she's smarter than her

The Trix are so fucking dramatic

The girls should easily be able to tell that that isn't Stella. Stella's magic isn't purple

Tecna is so ready to save Bloom and Flora

Why haven't they all transformed?!

"but that's not Stella! She has no powers without her ring"

And yet she didn't use her ring at all in the second fight with Knut. Plot holes abound

Darcy you are so fucking terrible at this

You dramatic ass hoes

STELLA NO!!! YOU FUCKING LET HER GO RIGHT NOW DARCY

Stella bb it's all gonna be ok

"I'm really sorry. The witches tricked me"

I am going to start sobbing, the first thing Stella does is apologize to her friends for being kiddnapped 😭 Stella bb nooo

I love how Tecna and Musa are like "oh FUCK NO. Well kick your ass, save Stella AND keep the ring" when they all got their ass kicked the last time they fought the Trix

STELLA BABY ARE YOU OK?!

Tenca, pissed as fuck: We could of beaten them

She says, like their last altercation wasn't nearly a murder if Stella hadn't teleported them away

She's so fucking angry about Bloom giving the Trix Stella ring, Tecna wanted blood

Tenca: your not the boss >:(

Bloom: I'm Stella's bestie and I had the ring sooo

Flora supporting Bloomy, ty ty

#winx club #winx season 1 #winx musa #winx riven #winx stella #winx bloom #winx flora #winx tecna #winx brandon #winx sky #winx timmy #rus chatters #winx trix #winx icy #winx darcy #winx stormy #rus liveblogs

[imafoolishfragilespine]

every time someone talks about how my dad needs to retire (which is true, i know) or at least sell the business or my coworker potentially leaving and how that would impact said things or me getting another job someday i truly just wanna throw up. how pathetic everyone must think i am for still being here

i want to get out, i wish i had never gotten stuck in this, my anxiety has gotten so much worse since i graduated college especially wrt job stuff and what hasn't changed is i have no clue what i really wanna do and even less idea how the fuck to do it. i don't know how people go on interviews to a million places (especially multiple rounds what the FUCK is that about you shouldn't have to go to more than one for basic fucking jobs it's insane to me) and deal with being rejected over and over

i just feel like nothing i like okay is something i can translate into skills for another job. and some of the stuff i do now is alright, really, but it's not what i want for myself. i just feel like i can do more with my brain than this (though sometimes i feel like a fucking idiot bc i lost my feeling of being good at anything once i no longer had school to rely on). and the things i am good at, like some of said things i do, are not how i wanna spend my life. i don't need a job i'm insanely passionate about because that'll just lead to burnout, i think, but i want something i like

every thing i think that i like of is an impossibility. bookstore? could i handle retail? not to mention a smaller bookstore would be preferable over like a chain, but i would guess that's way less job security. writing? i will never be good enough for that. though hey with some of the shit that gets churned out these days maybe i could. but i'm only writing my self-insert fanfiction most of the time anyway, i can't come up with anything original lol. something in fashion? can't draw, can't sew, sometimes i don't think my own style is good enough, plus how that whole world tends to idealize thinness. the shopaholic series honestly had me thinking about being a stylist, but it feels like those people are sooooo knowledgeable, and i really just like dressing cute for me. how do they tell what size people wear by looking at them? how do they think in terms of what that person likes instead of their own preferences?

idk those are just a few things where it's like man wouldn't that be nice in an alternate universe where those things are possible? even like, okay clothing stores, sure, i'd get to dress cute and everything, but again retail, especially with the fact that it seems like those workers are kind of pressured to pressure customers and i just can't do that. i feel like i'm stuck with the office environment where at least in my current situation i kinda do what i want wrt clothes, just not the kind of revealing stuff i might wear on a day out, but i try to have fun and do some unique pieces while still looking professional enough, but it's still really limiting as to when i can wear my cute outfits, especially bc i don't have a fucking life, so i only get to do them when i go shopping with my mom.

and otherwise i don't mind the office vibe necessarily, i know some people think it's soul sucking but again in my current situation i have my own space, a lot of my issue is not having enough to do lol (again, i could be using my brain more i stg, sometimes it's nice doing easy stuff like scanning so i can read or be on my phone throughout the day, but it still feels pathetic) so like it's not like i'm working SUPER hard on shit i don't care about, but ultimately i am generally working on shit i don't care about. again, it doesn't need to be passionate, but i just want to have a little more feeling about it. anyway, yeah, offices are okay to me, i just think something more laid back in terms of clothes would truly be better for me, that's maybe a silly thing to focus on in terms of picking a job, but it's just the truth, i wanna have fun lol

i don't know what to do and i need help and maybe i haven't vocalized that enough to anyone but my mom in the early days when i talked about resumes or whatever and she thought maybe my brother could help like sorry but he got his first job after graduating and stuck with it, same for my sister or close anyway. my friends have had all sorts of different jobs but they're generally not Professional World jobs so their experiences are different. only one person i can think of and she's got so much on her plate i wouldn't want to bug her about that kind of thing. i just feel so alone in it and stupid and pathetic and helpless and it's always there in the back of my head for the past few years if not a full on thought spiral

it's not even getting into the fact that i wanted to think about these things properly this year and then my body went insane and that's still most of what i can focus on. like would i have found excuses to not think about it anyway? probably. but five years at this job is too fucking long and ten years since i graduated high school and not having changed my life in any meaningful way just feels so incredibly fucked up and i wanted to change things and then i couldn't. and even now knowing whatever's going on with me probably won't drastically affect my future or my abilities or anything, it's still so mentally exhausting and i can't do anything but retreat into myself and wish it would all go away or magically be fixed, even though i know nothing is gonna drop into my life. but i'm not good enough or smart enough or mentally well enough to do fucking anything.

#personal

[jesterhat]

Can we talk about how the ending to soul screamers is sheer perfection?? Working with the demons in order to fuck over Avarice. The fact that it was resolved YEARS after she gave her soul away. AND Tod waited. He never felt complete without her. Despite everyone telling him to move on.

Everyone else moved on but not him. And that was the reason she came back. Because he owned her and she owned him. There was nothing else left to give. I sobbed when I read it. I sobbed rereading it.

And how Nash and Sabine finally mellow out, her dad finds love and Emma finds a way to survive. It guts me. And I'm super shocked that next to no one has read this. I constantly suggest it but no one I know has even heard of it.

Sorry. I'm just super excited.

besties ur so right! the ending is absolutely beautiful and it does such a nice job bringing everything together and giving everyone the happy ending they all more than deserve!

her plan at the end?? absolutely fucking brilliant in my opinion. and like. people call her self-sacrificing or whatever which i can see somewhat but at the end of the day she took 4 years of unimaginable torture to keep her loved ones safe and i admire her sooo much for that.

and tOD!!!! tod is everything to me i stg. he waits. he waits four years thinking his literal soulmate is gone forever despite still being able to literally feel that she’s not actually gone and he waits for her. he waits for her because he truly and deeply loves her and is holding on to any sliver of a chance that she could come back. and that’s so essential to his character because without that key aspect her plan would not have worked

and i think that’s it for me right there. throughout the series, and especially after they finally get together, you can just feel the love that tod and kaylee have for one another. and it’s not just like uwu they’re in love and everything’s fine. no, they’re in love and their lives and souls are still on the line and they have to make hard sacrifices and the two of them have to find a way to love one another and still manage to

and in the 5th book when he has to reap her soul?? my god that got me. like. that’s such a cruel twist of fate that he was supposed to be the one to kill her but i’m so glad levi was able to pull strings.

and honestly?? levi is the core of their group, half of their silly little plans would not have worked if it hadn’t been for him. and his willingness to help this ragtag group of teenagers he has absolutely no reason to help warms my heart a lot.

and nash??? i have so many feelings abt him like. i love him as a character bc i find him easy to empathize with. and sabine is also such an interesting character and she rlly can haunt my dreams Anytime she’s sooo hot and such a badass

and i love love love emma she deserved her happy ending and i think her storyline throughout is honestly the most tragic. like. she had this life that she loved and suddenly everything has changed, even her literal physical body! and while i think she would agree it was a good thing in the long run, i imagine all that is really, really hard to deal with and she’s such a strong character!

but yes i am also incredibly shocked next to no one has read this series bc its so good and honestly a really unique take on the whole ya paranormal romance thing that was popular for a bit.

please do not apologize for coming into my ask box with soul screamers content, that’s literally the best thing u could ever do

#soul screamers #i am so sorry i just went on such a long tangent but i have SO much to say abt this series #pls anon i am begging u to hop in my dms with that sweet sweet soul screamers content #i think we have lots to chat abt!