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extravaguk · 3 years

Text

santa&prada

part of my opposites attract! series.

ksj / knj / myg / jhs / kth / jjk

pairing: rich!jimin x reader

summary: Yeah, Park Jimin most likely didn't even realize he was being a rude and disrespectful son of a bitch.

wordcount: 5k

genre: smut - angst(? - fluff (? idk u tell me

rated: m

warnings: a christmas fic in late november, cursing, a huge misunderstanding lmao, i call jimin ‘park jimin’ too many times bc i felt like it, car sex, oral (f recieving), some good ole spanking, (kinda) rough and unprotected sex, a lil of dirty talk, spit kink. thats about it. just an excuse to write jimin fucking you in a car. jimin is not as bad as oc thinks srsly.

The first time you meet Park Jimin is through mutual friends. On a firday night on December, with white, red and green lights decorating the streets of New York, filled with the typical hustle of the masses doing last minute Christmas shopping, the freezing weather impacting your body temperature, cursing yourself for choosing tights, a skirt and heeled boots that are too pretty but too uncomfortable to wear.

You had never considered yourself a particular enthusiast of Christmas festivities. You guess discovering Santa Claus was, actually, your parents before the rest of the kids in your class was one of the many reasons that made you grow up too soon and therefore, not allowing you to fully enjoy the month of December. Or maybe it had nothing to do with Santa, and more to do with your parents deciding to get a divorce a day before Christmas Eve. A traumatic event for seven year old you, but completely forgotten and overcome by twenty-four year old present you.

Growing up each Christmas suffering the consecuences of a shared custody would have probably had a disastrous effect on anybody else, but not you. Although the separation was a tough reality to accept at first, fortunately your parents were always capable of raising you in an environment full of love and affection, just like any other kid. And you prided yourself on having moved on from those circumstances a long time ago (even if your therapist disagreed and blamed many of your behaviors on it. Whatever.)

To put it simply, December was just not the month for you. It was just another month, like the remaining eleven of the year, except Mariah Carey's voice was heard every five minutes everywhere you'd go and people gave each other presents as if it was only during that time of the year when they remembered their loved ones.

The only thing you could thank Christmas for were the well deserved two weeks of holidays our work allowed until the new year's arrival. Fifteen days of rest, peace and baking those gingerbread cookies that Seokjin died for and that you sincerely denoted as nauseating.

You truly had no idea what exactly you did wrong that night. You don't know if it was something you said, or something you did, but what you did know was that Park Jimin pursued a silent and personal vendetta against you that continued nowadays.

"Here are your disgusting cookies, you filthy animal." it might have been that very first sentence you said when you entered the bar and reunited with your friends that didn't cause a good impression. "Shit, it's cold as fuck. My nipples are harder than my life." or maybe it was your selection of words while you waved every familiar face hello until you stopped to look at the only (pretty. too pretty, as well) one you had never seen before.

"_____, it's Chrismtas! Santa Clause will only bring you a lump of coal if you keep cursing like that!" Lisa laughed while she kissed your cheek and made space for you to sit next to her. "Oh, by the way, this is Jimin. A friend of Namjoon. He's a newbie!"

Park Jimin was stunning, you had no trouble admitting that. You weren't blind, you weren't stupid, and you could go as far as theorize that his dark eyes, his light and always immaculate styled hair, his sharp jawline and those plump lips as red as cherries must have been sculpted by Satan himself.

Fuck, you were even sure you'd be on your knees in front of Park Jimin in an alternative universe begging for his dick inside your mouth. But in the universe where you and the real Park Jimin reside, he would never come near you unless somebody was aiming a gun into his skull.

You're not precisely sure what it was, but a brief exchange of glances and an evasive and sligh shake of hands with Park Jimin was enough to make you feel ashamed and withdrawn for the rest of the night.

If Jimin wasn't even able to drop a polite "Nice to meet you", he sure as hell wasn't able to pretend you even existed.

Even the small talk you had tried to engaged with him about his shiny pair of shoes went terribly wrong.

"Oh, are those Dolce and Gabbana?"

"Dolce and Gabbana are homphobic, racist and sexist, so no" the grimace on his face should've been enough to make you regret speaking to him in the first place , but the snarky voice of his made you want to run away and hide from him until next Christmas.

In reality, you swore you didn't care. Seriously. Other's opinions were never something that could easily bother you or keep you awake at night. You had always turned a deaf ear to the cruel children that made fun of you due to your parent's divorce, you had always ignored the amount of men that never considered you "ladylike" enough (what the fuck did that even mean, anyway? what exactly made a lady and what didn't?), and you had always disregarded any envous comment surrounding you.

So, fuck Park Jimin! You had said to yourself. He's just a well mannered rich boy. Somebody who didn't resemble you in any aspect. A stupid, pretentious, spoiled boy who's had everything he's ever wanted in the palm of his hand, unlike you. Who the fuck cares what Park Jimin thinks?

But apparently, you did.

You would have never placed such importance to whatever it was that roamed inside Jimin's head if his appearances in your group of friends hadn't been so recurrent.

Because each time you were forced to see Jimin's face, you were also forced to experience a strange knot of discomfort and humilliation growing in your stomach in his mere presence. It's not like Jimin did anything specific to make you feel that way. He might not even do it on purpose, or his intentions might not be entirely evil. Maybe he simply didn't realize how he always avoided being by your side like the plague, or how his body immediately tensed and he balled his hands into fists everytime you were less than two feet away from him, or how he would look at you from the corner of his eye everytime you decided you speak, almost as if he was waiting for you to shut up to finally let out the air he was containing inside his lungs in relief.

Yeah, Park Jimin most likely didn't even realize he was being a rude and disrespectful son of a bitch.

And with time, you couldn't help but attribute that disdain and hostility that Park Jimin always directed at you to the many undeniable differences that constituted each of you. Park Jimin, with his impeccable and always well ironed Prada shirts, his spotless trousers, jewelry that probably costed more than three of your annual salaries, and always emanating that Givenchy fragance that screamed "wealth!" every rare occasion you could experiment his presence next to you. Exactly two years after that first meeting with Park Jimin, you hadn't been able to avoid reciprocating that feeling of contempt towards him. Not when you were the only victim of his arrogance. Everybody loved Park Jimin, and Park Jimin loved everyone.

Except you.

Clinging to your glass of Don Pérignon and finishing the rest of the liquid in one go, you try to snap out of your own thoughts, reminding yourself to return to the conversation you're currently having with Taehyung about a pretty waitress that he's met during one of his art exhibitions (or at least that's what you think you caught him say) and forcing yourself by all means to stop observing the friendly and kind smiles that Park Jimin was shooting to those present from across the room and that you will never be able to achieve.

"_____? Are you even listening to me, darling?" Taehyung's voice is what makes you finally look away from the dumb blond standing on the opposite side of the room, blinking a few times before clearing your throat.

"Sorry, Tae." letting out a sigh, you try to brush back and put in place the strand of hair that escaped the intricate hairdo you had tried and so miserably failed to do yourself to try to fit in and hopefully impress such environment of preppy and privilaged people (ahem, Park Jimin) falling on your forehead as best as you can. "Just been really stressed this week and I'm on another planet. You know how I feel about Christmas. I think I need a new flute of . Or five."

Taehyung sends you a look full of empathy and places one of his hands in your shoulder, squeezing lightly in a comforting way. "I'll get you another one. I'll be right back." You quickly interrupt him though, to prevent him from standing up before you.

"No, really. I'll go. I need some fresh air anyways, if you don't mind." And of course Taehyung doesn't mind, so you get on your feet as graceously as your tipsy state allowed you to (who told you it was a good idea to drink three glasses in less than thirty minutes of the extremely expensive champagne Taehyung had brought to the Christmas party he had organized and why did it convince you it would appease your anxiey?) and make your way towards the table where the rest of the bottles are. A table dangerously close to the conversation Jimin and that friend of Lisa (whose name you don't remember) were having.

Both are with their backs turned and, honestly, you take a silent moment to thank God or whatever is up there because the last thing you need right now is yet another awkward interaction with Jimin, so you try as best as you can to refill your glass of champagne to get out of there as soon as possible, praying to make your exit going unnoticed.

But no. Because the stars and the universe loved to align to make you suffer! They love to play with your karma and they love making you damn that one day you didn't help that lady cross the street. They love making you regret buying those plastic straws. They love making you feel guilty for hacking your neighbour's Wifi when you run out of money to pay for yours. Because the moment you try to take a hold of the bottle in your hands, it slips out of your grasp, and you're watching in slow motion how the sparkling berverage ends up spilling all over the extremely expensive (or so you assume. Balenciaga maybe) suit pants Park Jimin decided to wear that night.

Everything is kind of blurry and you can't even hear anything. You can only watch as Park Jimin turns around, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed, until his eyes find you, the bane of his existance and immediately recognizing the culprit of his now drenched piece of clothing. And you can watch as, once again, his gaze turns almost black and narrow lightly as to reprimend you for what you've caused. But of course he doesn't say a word. He has nothing to say. He doesn't even look surprised. No. Because obviously, Park Jimin knew that if there was somebody in this room willing to ruin his night, it would be you, and only you.

"Shit!" you're the first one to break the strained silence, but that only makes Jimin flinch. "Shit, shit, shit. I'm so fucking dumb! J-Jimin, I'm so sorry, let me just go grab a paper tow-"

"Don't." his voice cuts through you. Literally cuts through you. Because it's not often that Park Jimin decides to aim his words at you, but everytime he does it holds the same frigid tone. Like knives trying to painfully stab your being. "Just, don't."

In reality, you don't know a lot of things and you don't know what causes what happens next. You don't know if it's the specific time of the year, you don't know if it's your internal stress, or if it's Park Jimin, his voice, or the fact that he will never like you. But it's instant. They way something compresses your chest, and suddenly your eyes are not glaced by the alcohol but by something wet that threatens to flow. You would never admit to anyone they're tears.

So, shutting your mouth and swallowing the uncomfortable feeling of anguish in your throat, leaving your flute forgotten on the table and grabbing the bottle instead. Without saying a word, your feet start moving up the stairs of the ridiculously enourmous house Taehyung owns towards the first free and empty balcony you can find. Free of people and free of Park Jimin.

Closing the large window behind you, you allow yourself to close your eyes and take a deep breath; the icy temperature outside immediately welcoming you. Although the hairs on your arm stand up and you know you're probably going to catch a cold (because the dress you've chosen for the dinner is not at all appropiate for such winter climate), at least the tension in your body seems to disappear while oxygen keeps that ugly feeling in your heart at bay from continuing to choke you.

With shaky hands, you take a big gulp straight from the champagne bottle. Fuck Park Jimin. No man will ever have the power to make you feel what you're feeling right now. Fuck Park Jimin. And fuck his beautiful face and his ability to make you tremble and fear looking like an idiot. Fuck his fancy clothes and his perfect manicured hands and his marvelous but frigthening presence.

Knock knock.

The sound makes you jump back from the window, hand grasping your chest while you turn around, coming face to face with the man in question. Your first instinct is to ignore him. But that thought is already out of the way when it's him the one who struggles with the window lock before opening and taking a step towards you. You step back as he steps in, raising your head up high and puffing your chest. Because your second instinct is to tell Park Jimin to go fuck himself.

"_____, I would like to-"

"You would like to what?" Jimin looks taken aback at your harshness. Alcohol has always been a weapon of mass destruction in your system, provoking words to flow too easily and without filter out of your mouth, more than they already do when you're sober. Especially when it's mixed with the frustration you've been harboring inside of you for two years. That's why when the words start to come out, they won't stop. "To make me feel like shit one more time? To look at me with that fucking conceited face trying to make me feel like you're better than me? Or would you like to ignore me once again as you always do everytime we're in the same fucking room to make sure I know you hate my mere existance, even if it's just the two of us right now?"

The steam leaving your lips due to the accelerated beat of your heart blurs his face for an instant while he looks at you dumbfounded. The silence and his expression makes you scoff, an acidic smile adorning your face while you take another sip of your drink because even with such a stupid face, he still looks delectable with his white shirt and ruined pants. You turn around, removing a tear that you hadn't even realized had fallen during your speech and that, frankly, you were hoping he hadn't either. You would blame it on the cold, anyway.

This time, a gust of wind running through you from head to toe, making you forget of Park Jimin's presence looming behind you, reminding you it's still December and the fabric of your dress is doing nothing to conceal you from the cold.

But before you can do anything about it and blame yourself for being dumb and not taking your coat with you before deciding to step into balcony, Park Jimin surprises you once again, this time by placing his navy blue blazer over the naked skin of your arms.

Your back straightens when you feel his warm breath caressing the back of your neck, at the same time that a voice you have never heard Park Jimin use with you echoes in your ears.

"I really don't hate you, _____. I..." Jimin wets his lips. His body trembles, but it's not due to lacking his own coat, while his brain hurriedly searches for words eloquent and adequate enough to explain voice his thoughts. "I like you very much, _____."

Scoffing again while you shake your head, you push down with all your inner strenght the incipent fluttering of butterflies in your stomach that Jimin has managed to cause in just a matter of seconds. It's probably the longest sentence you've heard from him in two years, and you don't exactly understand why your body is reacting the way it is. But you're also not willing to give Park Jimin the satisfaction of knowing that. He doesn't deserve it anyway. So with all the courage you can muster, you turn around with your hands clenching.

And even though being at such short distance from Jimin is a bit overwhelming and unexpected for you, the irritation still making your blood bubble is enough to not let a man as handsome as him derail you from your current circumstances.

"Well, fuck you Park Jimin. You certainly have a funny fucking way to sh-" his hands cradling your jaw that pull you closer to him and his lips that silent you roughly, but with surprising care. Only for a moment. A moment in which your body betrays you and make you melt into hir warmth. But his voice, low and sinfully husky, murmurs against your lips.

"God, that mouth of yours..." he goes back to attacking your own lips, this time more firm than before, snatching a sigh from you. The sound has his tongue asking for permission into your mouth, and with your body betraying you once again, you part your lips to allow him in. It's him who whimpers this time, while one of his hand moving until it reaches the bottle in your hand and letting it drop carelessly onto the floor, ignoring the sound of glass shattering and the future scolding you'll get from Taehyung. Instead, he sneaks that same hand on your waist, pulling your body flush against his, fingers digging onto your skin. "It's been driving me crazy for two years. Two years, _____."

He mumbles between kisses and swipes his tongue against yours, while he stars walking the both of you until your back meets the nearest concrete wall.

"Two years of having to hear the incessant filthy words that leave your mouth..." his own stop their movements and you catch yourself before begging him to reattaching his lips to yours, enjoying instead the path of wet kisses and bruises his lips traile from your chin to the pulse of your neck "...and trying my best to hide the painful boners I get whenever you're nearby."

With your eyes shut, your hands are back in motion, ignoring the voice in your head reminding you he's still an asshole and finding their way between Jimin's soft golden strands of hair. He hums in appreciation, sending goosebumps all over your body. "So, s-so why not do anything about it sooner?" you say, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe properly.

You feel Jimin's body tensing before you and he ceases the movement of his lips against your neck. Breaking away, your heart stops, afraid you might have ruined the moment. But Jimin's in search of your eyes, eyebrows very lighlty raised, the intensity of his gaze pinning you in place. You don't know for how long you stare at each other until Jimin comes out of the trance, eyes descending over your flushed cheeks, the very same color as your lips and the soft flesh of your neck until they reach your cleavage, the glimmering fabric encasing your breasts, taunting him the same way they had been doing all night long.

"You scare me so much..." and then, one of his hands repeats the same journey his eyes just did, until he touches your shoulder, right under his own blazer. "Everytime I look at you, all I can think of why the hell a girl as real as you like you would even glance my way." he slides the strap of your dress slowly tentatively, just enough for you to stop his advances if you chose so. You don't. "You're smart in ways I could never compare, so funny it makes me jealous, and so pretty it leaves me speechless. You're...You're everything I'm not."

His voice resonates in the atmosphere, and you would love to blame it on the cold again for how your body has reacted, but your body heat has increased so much since he started kissing you that it would be stupid not to admit that it's just the effect that Park Jimin has on you tonight. You're sure he would've had the same effect if it had happened before.

Your now uncovered breast doesn't even has to suffer the consequences of the icy wind, because one of Jimin's arms quickly comes around you to hold your body against his, lifting you ever so slighty until your erect nipple is at the same level as his mouth and his lips are enveloping it in their warmth. You gasp his name, and that encourages his teeth to tug softly before his tongue stars moving in circes.

"My God, you're so perfect." Your head spins while you hold onto his shoulders as tight as you can, the undeniable heat roaming all over your form, hips involuntarily rutting his incipent erection poking your abdomen. "Been thinking about this since that night we first met." Looking for relief, Jimin mirrors your movements without ceasing the administrations on your chest, as one of his hands lifts one of your thighs to wrap around his waist, closing the short gap remaining between the both of you.

"Ohmygod! F-fuck, Jimin," trying to form coherent phrases is almost impossible, not with Jimin finding a slow and tortuous rythm with his hips, his clothed cock rubbing against your core. Something shifts in the air, because Jimin stops abusing your nipple with a loud pop, and shuts you up by pressing his mouth onto yours in an urgent, dirty and desperate kiss. You could almost hear him swearing, while his hand keeps your jaw in place.

"S-stop talking like that, ______." his voice, inaudible, and his face now hiding in the crook of your neck, the thrusting of his hips speeding up, more and more frantic this time. The hand not holding your thigh against his hipbone reveals your other breast, hand covering it and giving it a light squeeze before tugging at your unattended nipple between his forefinger and his thumb while his tongue and teeth mark the skin on your neck.

"Hell, I've been dying to stuff your mouth with my cock to prevent you from such foul language," the soft whimpers leacving your mouth coax him into taking the hem of your dress and bunching the fabric until his fingers easily find the place in your body calling to him the most through the lace. It's immediate, how his fingers dampen at the first touch, surprising the both of you, and how your body jolts and an embarrassing sob escapes your throat. "How-how are you this wet? Holy hell, I could just slide right in..."

And as he says that, one of his fingers pull aside the fabric of your underwear and glide into you, so easy. You insides burning while he fingers you, another finger being added with his thumb rubbing circles on your nub. And fuck, you're not sure if you're just too horny and Park Jimin is a magician with his hands, or maybe it's the way he keeps mouthing at your chest and whispering how soaked you are, but you don't think you've ever been so close to cumming in such a short period of time.

"W-whats stopping you?" you manage with a voice that doesn't even resembles yours, but before your hands can even make work of the zipper of his trousers, he pulls his finger out from your center, causing you to whine in protest.

Jimin licks his lips, eyebrows framing the dark expression that his eyes ooze. Although the desire in his eyes is more than evident, it is also evident the faint hesitation in them. Because Park Jimin doesn't do things this way. Park Jimin was raised in a world of correct manners and conservationism. A world that has taught him when and how to act. And as badly as he is dying to fuck you against the wall of Taehyung's ridiculously inmense house, he also wants to do the right thing.

"Let me take you on a date."

Park Jimin has been spoiled his whole life. Being born in a well-off family has always provided him of everything he had ever wanted and more. From the innecessary number of toys Santa Claus left under his Christmas tree every year since he was a baby, to his fisrt extravagant sports car at the age of eighteen. Park Jimin has never been a greedy or needy man. How could he, when he's had everything he's ever wished in the palm of his hands. He has never missed anything in his entire life. Hasn't missed a roof over his head, warm food on his plate or brand new designers clothes each week.

It has taken him two years to control himself. He still remembers that night he first met you, just like he remembers every single time you both had coincided in the same place at the same time. He remembered your scent, had memorized your figure over your pieces of clothing and had tried as best as he could to keep a distance from you because he knew you would never give him the time of day. How could you? You probably despised everything he was because he was definitely nothing like you, and that thought intimidated the fuck out of him. He was a mess everytime you wear nearby. Never relied on his voice because he knew he would stutter if you ever spoke to him, could never trust his eyes because if he ever looked at you he was afraid he wouldn't be able to look away.

And everytime you spoke, shit, that voice of yours always cursing here and there left him wondering how would you sound in a different setting and if you would still be that badmouthed. More specifically, between his sheets. So he did everything he could to minimize your interactions as much as possible. He just never thought he would come across as such a jerk. It was never his intention to hurt you, and seeing you cry that night (although you denied you did, over and over again) seriously made him realize he wanted to make things right.

He was trying really, really hard to keep it in his pants, to be the same well composed and controled Park Jimin he had mastered himself to be.

But that damn dress.

After seeing that little black dress hugging your figure when you started taking off your coat at the restaurant, the brief flash of thigh tights that you accidentaly (or not so accidentally) had blessed him with by crossing a leg over the other, that exposed collarbone calling his name and those heeled sandals with straps wrapping around your ankles, reminding him of the snake tempting Eve, Park Jimin was sure he needed to dig into that apple more than anything he has ever needed before.

That's why he surprises you right after you both finish the second course meal by telling the waitress you won't be having desert, at which you look at him somewhat indignant. But the look he shoots you is enough to make you understand if somebody was going to have desert tonight, it would be him. In his Mercedes.

"I'm gonna-" you gasp, fingers tugging at the soft strands of his now ruined blond hair, his head between your thighs and your legs thrown over his shoulders. His hands have a grip of the meaty flesh of your ass, holding you firmly againt his mouth as it works wonders on your clit. You're sure it hasn't even been ten minutes since Jimin had opened your legs in the backseat of his car, not even bothering to take your underwear off, simply moving the fabric aside before diving in, and you already feel yourself on the edge of an orgasm.

"I know." voice vibrating right into your core, he slows down his administrations, tongue carefully and delicately lapping at your folds while he enjoys the feeling of your fingers loosening their grip and fondly brushing his hair back. You meet his eyes as he pushes a finger inside your core and your whole body twists in agony.

"N-no!"

Jimin stops immediately, lifting his head and focusing his concerned eyes on you. He's about to ask you if he's done anything wrong, but you're fast to roughly pull him up by his hair until his face is leveled with yours. You answer him by kissing him and he returns the kiss with the same eagerness, and now it's your hands that are looking for his cock, palming him through his pants.

"Your dick. Inside. Right Now." you punctuate each phrase with a kiss and he only stops kissing you to pout.

"But I wanted you to cum on my tongue." but still, he's putty in your hands when you undo the botton and the zipper. "Wouldn't you rather me fucking you in my bed, where we're more comfortable?" you notice the slight quivering of his voice when you slide his trousers and boxers down, just enough to pull him out.

"You can eat me and fuck me as many times as you want tonight, tomorrow and whenever you'd like, but right now..." none of you contain the moan in unision that leaves each of your mouths when just the head of his lenght comes in contact with your entrance. "I really can't wait anymore." brushing your lips over his, you lower your voice. "Wanna get on my hands and knees for you."

Park Jimin has tried to do things the right and appropiate way throughout all his life. He's been a professional from a very young age on how to be in charge of his emotions, his desires and his impulses. Always well mannered and well composed.

But it's in this moment that Jimin comes to the realization that the only thing that has ever made him lose his mind and self control, is you. Seeing you like this, ass up, grinding your drenched and still thong clad cunt all over his precum dripping lenght, he can't control the way his hand bunches the fabrick of that damn dress over your waist, then flies to your right cheek, a sharp sound of skin filling the air, tearing a gasp from your throat.

"God, I'm-I'm sorry. Couldn't help mys-"

"Do it again."

And he does, the palm of his hand now leaving a reddenning print on your flesh, making you jolt back involuntarily, aligning yourself to the head of his cock and like he had hoped, he slides right in. Not all the way, because Jimin is sure he would cream inside you too soon and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he did. He wets his lips, clenching his jaw and dropping his palm one more time, hand more steady and purposeful.

"You like it rough?" voice hoarse and a hand beside your head holding himself, your back to his chest, twitching beneath him as he soothes the sting with his free one.

"I like you rough." turning your head slowly to peer at him from the corner of your eye, your hips moving on their own accord trying to take him deeper. Your head is suddenly pulled back harshly, Jimin's fingers tangling in your hair as his own hips close the remaining gap between your bodys in an abrupt thurst. You squeal, Jimin's cock finally filling you up to the hilt just like you wanted him to be, the pleasure making your arms wobble and finding it harder to mantain your balance.

Jimin's breath fawns over your ear, his tongue darting out to suck on your skin sending chills down your spine. "You're such a dream." he groans, torturously sliding out of your core that's gripping around his shaft for dear life. A whine of protest escapes your lips and he tightens the hold on your hair in response, diving right back in. You fall forward, your arms' strenght betraying you as his thrusts find a new rhythm. With your eyes closed shut, you try to muffle the sound of your voice with the back of your hand as Jimin's lips place soft kisses to your exposed shoulder.

"Don't be quiet." he stands straight, the pull on your hair arching your back in such a enticing way it was Jimin look away for a second, cock buried inside of you and his hips faltering. "Been dying to have you like this for so long."

Another clap of his hand against your right cheek, and a particular stroke of his dick that has you mewling as your climax approached again. "S-so good, Jimin. Oh my god."

"You're gonna cum for me?" his fingertips leave bruises on your skin and the windows of his Mercedes are foggy, just like your mind. You can't concentrate on anything that's not Jimin's cock sliding in and out and how much you wished this had happened way sooner. "Gonna cum for me like a good slut?"

Park Jimin always takes his time. Always does things nice and slow to assure the best outcome possible.

But he can't contain the acceleration of his hips against yours as your walls clench impossibly tight around his cock, your orgasm finally taking over . Can't contain himself from falling forward again, hand twisting your head in his direction and his mouth searching for yours in a fiery and messy kiss. And he most definitely can't barely contain himself from cumming when your you ask him to spit in your mouth.

"You're gonna kill me." he breathes, removing himself off you and quickly maneuvering you on your back, his dick finding its way back inside you. Picking up right where he left off, skin slapping against skin in an obscene melody, he collects a considerate amount of saliva in his mouth before dropping it into your welcoming tongue, watching you swallow with a smile he hopes he'll be the only one to see in the future.

And that's what has the last bit of his self restraint slipping from his fingers. He somehow manages to rip the top of your dress down, fabric tearing until your tits are free and his mouth is attacking your nipples, white strings of his release panting your walls, some of it them oozing out that he fucks back right into you.

It's between ragged breaths, kisses and tender carresses that Jimin promises you more dates in the future and new dresses that he can't promise not to savage apart again.

#jimin #park jimin #jimin smut #park jimin smut #bts smut #bts #pjm #pjm smut #bad bunny is retiring like who the fuck does he think he is to decide when he gets to retire???#nah bb WE decide when you retire

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steelycunt · 2 years

Note

hello!! sorry this is very random but lately while reading wolfstar fics ive noticed so many of them say that remus loves sirius more than sirius loves him and well, i was curious about your thoughts on this topic. is it just remus being self-deprecating or can it be rather true? my hc was always sirius loves him more or they love each other equally xp just what makes sense to me

hi babs!! thank for you this ask!! i feel like there's loads of different conclusions you can come to here so apologies if i start rambling!!

obviously in r/s fic, it'll often heavily depend on the pov--in remus pov fics you're going to get his internal thoughts, you're going to get his view of sirius and you aren't going to hear a thing about what's going on in sirius' head, so you'll almost always end up with it coming across as remus loving sirius more than remus, and the opposite will be true in sirius pov fics. from a writing perspective, i prefer to write from sirius' pov, and the sirius i like writing most is one who completely adores remus from...day dot, really, so i guess i gravitate towards sirius loving remus more. but really i've read sirius pov fics that convince me that sirius would love remus more, and i've read remus pov fics that would convince me of the opposite, so both hcs work for me!

talking about a more canon r/s though - and you'll have to bear in mind that a) i havent read the books properly in years and b) r/s arent actually canon - and off the top of my head i'd say that fitting r/s into the bits we get of them in canon works better if remus loves sirius more (and might possibly never even confess his feelings until llal/ootp years). there's a bigger emphasis in canon on sirius' relationship with james anyway (i also think sirius was undeniably a little in love with james however you read it, but thats a whole different conversation), and although ive read so many versions of the prank that really make sense of it in the context of r/s, the carelessness towards remus on sirius' part lends itself to the view this view. i definitely think r/s works in canon, but there is a clear 'sirius and james [+ remus, + peter]' sort of dynamic that fanon has done a lot to alter.

but then! the whole reason young r/s still works despite the prank is that they're two characters who undeniably love in different ways, so it's going to look different. remus is always going to be self-deprecating, as you say. i think he'd die for sirius and i think sirius would kill for him, and i also think remus loves cautiously while sirius loves recklessly. drifting back to fanon here, but the sirius who lives in my head could easily love remus without showing the appropriate care/concern/respect for him that would prevent something like the prank happening. i imagine sirius as loving remus (and everything) more deeply and almost subconsciously, so he isn't always going to act as rationally as remus, who would be almost painfully aware of his own feelings and would probably let it dictate his every action. i also don't think you can draw conclusions about adult r/s from a prank occurring when they're teens - it totally depends on which era ur talking about and how you decide they get together.

i've talked for ages to say very little but to summarise: in fan works i like a sirius who loves remus more, but when thinking of a r/s that could exist in canon, perhaps a remus who loves more makes more sense. i think it'd be near impossible for them to love each other exactly equally.

#remus' love destroys him and sirius' love destroys everybody else xox #when richard siken said 'you want to die for love you always have' he was talking about rj lupin! sorry!#anon #telegram #r/s #nothing i say here makes sense sorry my brain is fried after 2day

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petewentzisblack1312 · 3 years

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i see the sugar vid as a combo of both! im pretty sure it’s implied that the dad always had the deer legs! and to me it’s a metaphor for the fact that we often hate/resent others because we see parts of ourselves/our own insecurities within them. thats even an underlying in thing in like narcissistic abuse (the scapegoat child is often the one they see their shortcomings/insecurities in most). anyway either way its undeniably about mental illness/neurodivergency. and thats why it always makes me tear up. the message is just that we all deserve to be loved as we are – ugly, weird bits and all. and imo its hard, if not impossible, not to connect that to pete. i also think that other anon’s partner couldve been thinking like THE DEER LEGs MEAN WERE ALL THE SAME DEEP DOWN COLOURBLIND UWU but hopefully not lol

yeah i think thats probably the case! i dont think that metaphor carries super well into race though. maybe from the angle of "a black person annoyed that someone who wont hide the fact that theyre black to succeed" thing. idk how to articulate this precisely and im a little off my game atm but i think its a very "bigotry is a reflection of the self" type of deal, which is accurate, and the way the mv handles it isnt in a colourblind way at least.

fall out boy has always at its core been about that though, in a self acceptance way, and i think that angle and theme of accepting diversity and identity as it is and not trying to change who you are to fit in, and in fact finding people who love and respect you for who you are, makes sense considering theyve got a lot of diversity between the four of them. i think that might be why so many young girls are into their stuff and have been from the jump, being a teenage girl just puts you in that position from the jump. youre criticised for literally everything.

i also feel like theres a lot of black fans of fob, specifically those who are biracial or "act white" for this very reason. i want to do a survey to confirm that hypothesis because its something ive noticed, every black fob fan i meet has either been told they "act white" or is biracial, and it makes sense since this is a theme that rings throughout their music. like yknow how every emo band is like "im weird. im a weirdo. i dont fit in and i dont want to fit in." fob is like. we actually do not fit in and it fucking sucks but also why do we even want to if they hate our guts. idk im tired and rambling and need to rewatch the mv but ya!

#dils declares #im not putting this into my analysis tag this is a mess

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somepinkthing · 5 years

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As someone whose first MDZS love was wei wuxian and who grew to love jiang cheng after getting to know his character, I guess I just have a hard time really seeing nie huaisang's actions as "evil". Especially not when put into context.

As far as I can tell, mo xuanyu was the only one who died within the plan and I've always been under the impression that while NHS might have provided the idea, MXY was more than happy to have his own revenge any way he could get it. And I'm not saying NHS doing that and putting the juniors in danger in yi city isn't bad but. I mean, I came to terms with JC and WWX. Between the two of them, they must have over thousands of lives in collateral damage. And it just seems like people find that less "evil" because they did those things in a fit of emotion. But really, who cares? I'll tell you what, I'd much rather be a pawn in a carefully crafted plan and have nothing happen to me than be ripped apart by corpses or tortured to death in a fit of emotion. I'm not saying WWX or JC are completely evil or that NHS's choices were necessarily morally correct. I'm just saying that most of the cast we know have participated in some massacre or the other.

The only people that I can think of that didn't participate or support the widespread killing of innocents would be LWJ, JZX, JYL, MianMian, and NHS. Knowing that, I guess I have a hard time seeing NHS as particularly sinister. In the end, good intentions can only erase so much. Nie huaisang's intentions weren't as good at WWX's or as blatantly emotional as JC's. His intentions were neutral and he never acted without a plan. But he also did less damage, hurt less people, got less killed. He let MXY make his own choice. He made sure the juniors had a rescue party planned out. And in the end? It panned out. Minimal damage, maximum impact. Morally good? Probably not. But discounting careful planning, acting purely on emotion, flying into righteous rage, playing the hero, trying to do everything by yourself, putting others above you--these are all things that might have put NHS in the "hero" category BUT they are also what ultimately saw WWX killing thousands of cultivators and JC torturing innocents in his basement.

However, its undeniable that NHS purposefully placed others in danger to achive his goals. But also undeniable is that, in the end, NHS's plan only saw one dead in the process. Those like JC and WWX never thought they'd put people in danger on purpose, acting almost on pure emotion, BUT they managed to rack up thousands of lives in collateral. So which is better? Does it balance out? Do the ends justify the means? Do the means justify the end? Do the intentions justify the results? The question of whether good intentions are enough is one MDZS grapples with through many of their characters, NHS included.

I neither consider NHS a villain nor a hero. His actions may not have had the righteous backing WWX's did but he also didn't cause even a fraction of the damage our favorite chaotic boy did. He accomplished an altogether good ending but his means could be called into question. Though pretty much no one was hurt which, interestingly, is a direct contrast to the effects that both the heroes and the villains in MDZS tend to have as they both tend to leave widespread destruction. Given all that, NHS is a neutral party in the truest sense. Idk if any of that makes much sense but there it is

EDIT: And then there was JGY, the actual “villain”. He’s someone who was simultaneously the worst of both worlds. He was careful so he would ideally rack up less. And to hear him say it, he never meant to put anyone in danger and I believe that he believed it. But inherent in his character is a fundamental disrespect for the lives and opinions of others and thats where all the difference is. He plans carefully but without truly understanding why he needs to minimize damage other than fear of being caught. And for all that he's a mastermind, he also reacts purely on emotion 90% of the time without even considering minimizing the damage those those around him. I mean, once getting caught was no longer a concern and the second he was frightened, he literally tried to do away with every single cultivator he could get his hands on. JGY, to me, is hard to compare to others because he doesn't follow any sort of conventional moral code. As long as he could excuse it, everyone could--that was his code. And sometimes he was admittedly right (or at least understandable) in his reasoning, especially in the beginning. But as he got more and more comfortable excusing shit behavior, the crimes started to rack up. But he couldn't see it. In his mind, he was following a moral code. In his mind, he hadn't crossed any lines. So while NHS, JC, and WWX all have some awareness of where they went wrong and what they feel they got right, JGY doesn't.

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wickymicky · 5 years

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a month ago i watched every Twice video in order, some of them for the first time, because Twice was finally clicking for me and i was “getting it”. i wrote a little thing about which songs i liked and which i didnt, and i wanna expand on that cause my opinions have gotten more fleshed out over the last couple weeks of listening to them, and also some of them have changed. i just really like reviewing things, i hope that’s okay lol

so here are two or three sentence reviews of every Twice title track, in order

Like Ooh Ahh: i think this is one of their best songs, personally. it’s not as much of the bubblegum stuff they go for after this, but it’s extremely catchy lol, the “i just wanna fall in love!” and the “ha~~ ooh-ahh hage!” gets stuck in my head a lot. i just love the way this song’s instrumental sounds too, the aesthetic of it

Cheer Up: um okay so from hot to cold... this is my least favorite Twice song. i’m listening to it right now as I’m writing this, and I’ll listen all the way through, but i haven’t listened to it all the way through very often. i think the chorus feels out of place, so does the “be a man, real man” thing. i don’t like that. that ruins the song for me lol. i also don’t like the chorus much haha, it sounds like theyre saying “chore up” cause they went with 치얼업 (chi-eol/eor-eop) instead of like... even just “chireop” or “chi-eo eop”... they dont usually have ㄹ for an english r sound at the end of a word...

TT: ah okay nice we’re back on track lol, this song is fantastic and totally deserves to be their most popular song (at least in terms of music video views). when i first heard it i didnt like it cause i didnt like anything Twice lol... then when I listened to every Twice title track in order as i was beginning to “get it”, i liked everything except the “i’m like TT, ahhh, just like TT, ahhh” haha, i thought the fact that it was about the emoticon was weird and didnt fit the video, and the “ahh” was goofy haha. but now? god its so catchy lmao i always whisper-sing along to this part when i listen to this song haha. i love the echo-y reverb-y synths in the verse, and the instrumental in the chorus when paired with the vocal melody just makes it one of the best choruses in kpop lol. i think TT is their best song. the rap break doesnt feel like a rap break, it fits sooooo naturally in with the song, it’s so impressive. this song is so impressive

Knock Knock: initially i liked this song a lot, and i still do, but... this would be another group’s best song, easily, but for Twice... it’s a bit overshadowed haha. the guitar plus the synth is really cool though, its rare to hear a calming, sort of mellow, soft song with as high a BPM as this haha. one of the writers, Mayu Wakisaka, also was a composer for Loona’s Hi High and Fromis 9′s Love Bomb... and you can totally see that lol. all of those songs have high BPMs and are wildly catchy. still, idk, i like this song but i dont have a ton to say about it

Signal: this song is weird in a good way, i love really unconventional instrumentals. it sounds as alien and outer space as the music video haha. at first the “sign-eul bonae signal bonae” kinda annoyed me, but i got more used to it. i don’t listen to this song much, but i should change that, honestly. though another thing is that the music video has a lot those things where it adds sounds from the video that arent in the regular song, and has an intro i gotta skip every time lol, but like thats not a huge problem, i can just listen to the song elsewhere haha

One More Time: this song sounds like something you’d hear at a hockey game lmao. i dont even know really what i mean by that, i dont go to hockey games lol.... anyway. i like this song, but again, it’s kinda overshadowed. if i’m in the mood for the vibe this song has, there are other Twice songs that have it that i like more. it’s refreshing every once in a while though.

Likey: this song is so good!!! it didnt stand out at first, like, there’s not really a huge gimmick like some of the others... “likey likey likey” is kind of the same sort as the “just like TT” and “knock knock knock on my door” and stuff from other songs, but for some reason it feels less prominent in this song. i dont think this is their most iconic song ever, and its not genre-defining or one of the ones you’d mention first when talking about Twice, but it’s just a really solid song. one of my favorites

Heart Shaker: yeah, heart shaker is alright. it was apparently just a couple months after likey, and it feels like a similar concept? maybe it’s just the music video giving me that impression. it’s alright. the music video has the longest part with the distinctive way Twice shoots dance scenes... in that very nauseating way lol... but i don’t mind it lol i’m used to that by now

Candy Pop: so like, was this song sorta made for kids specifically? i guess i’m mostly just being influenced by the music video cause i’m watching it while writing this. i dont like the video much lmao it’s like a pokemon ripoff complete with Officer Jennies and Jin-young Brock. the song’s not bad though, it’s catchy but it’s a little too sugary sweet for me (which makes sense given the concept i guess). i like a lot of ideas in the instrumental though... because it was also written by the people who did Knock Knock, including the writer of Hi High and Love Bomb.

What is Love: this isnt their best song ever, but it’s undeniably one of their most solid. i listen to it a lot haha. the music video has a cool concept, i like when groups do this kind of thing (interpreting scenes from movies or famous music videos or popular culture). i don’t have much to say other than that i like it a lot, it’s one of my favorites i think

Wake Me Up: okay here we go, this is another one of the three Twice singles I just don’t really like. it’s a fine song up until the chorus. i just can’t get over the shift upwards in.. uhh.. scale? octave? pitch? one of those lol, or something else, i dont really know music terms like that very well haha. yeah though i just find it offputting.

Dance the Night Away: it’s alright. i’m pretty neutral on it. i was put off at first but i’ve gotten used to it. though still, i’m not that into it. i get that its a dance focused song and the choreography does look a lot more intense than their other choreos, and thats cool, but that doesnt make me like the music in and of itself. it’s a summer-jam type of song, and i’m not as into those anyway. there’ll never be a better kpop summer-jam than Red Flavor anyway lol

Yes or Yes: this is the other Twice that i don’t like haha. i just think the constant “you only one choice: yes or yes” thing is kind of annoying haha. also the chorus is catchy in a way that i dont think its especially exciting... it’s an earworm because i think it’s slightly annoying, not because it’s satisfying. of the songs that i’ve said i don’t like, this is the one i could see myself getting into the most. this might not always be in my “bottom three”. it is right now though

Fancy: this was the first comeback they had since i’ve been into kpop, and even though i wasnt into Twice at the time, i wanted to try it out just to see if it would change my mind, and it did somewhat.... sorta. it got the ball rolling for sure. it came out on my birthday, the same day as the Loona Fire dance cover haha, that was a good birthday. yeah this song is great, i think it’s better than any of their 2018 comebacks, personally. the concept isn’t all that different from normal Twice, it just appears that way cause the video is so lavish and elegant. it didnt convince me to be a Twice fan on that day it came out, but I liked what I thought made it different from the other Twice songs I’d heard. but now? what I like most about it is how very Twice it really is. the thing is, I wasn’t into Twice probably because the only songs i’d heard were Yes or Yes and Cheer Up, and those songs are still my least favorites lol. Fancy doesnt sound that out of place when you take into account their whole discography! i looove the video and i loooove the chorus so much, this song is great and i wonder if they’ll be able to top it if they have another comeback this year

Breakthrough: okay so in the last one i said i wonder if they’ll be able to top it this year, i meant in terms of Korean comebacks lol. cause in terms of just songs in general, if i include their new Japanese comebacks, they’ve already topped Fancy. this song is the one that finally won me over. this is the song that made me a Twice fan. now, this one is a little outside their typical concept, but they’re really really good at it nevertheless. i wonder if Twice is going a bit more in this direction? at least maybe half the time, alternating between the two styles now? cause Breakthrough continues a bit down the path that Fancy set for them. in any case, i love basically everything about this song, I’m so glad it got me to finally love their music

Happy Happy: so you know how I said that Breakthrough was a change from the bubblegum fun-fun style they’ve had and that move is what got me to finally be into Twice? well that made me think I’d like Happy Happy less haha, but actually I listen to it way more than I listen to Breakthrough, I like it more overall. this is a very Twice-style song, and that’s fine because it’s fantastic. this song genuinely makes me happy

oops didn’t i say i’d try to keep it to two or three sentences?

anyway yeah my favorite Twice songs are TT, Happy Happy, Breakthrough, Likey, and Like Ooh Ahh in that order i think

#twice #long post #kpop review #i'm sorry if i said anything you strongly disagree with lol #o

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seokjins · 5 years

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I’m not the original anon but I loved reading that so much, please do their strengths! It’s really interesting to hear about this stuff from people who know what they’re talking about

I’m a different anon but I’d be interested in reading what you think their strengths are if you feel like sharing.

AAAAA wow thank you so much !!! i will try to do my best, but it’s very hard to talk about this kind of stuff because, as i mentioned in my first post, i’m not there for the rehearsal process.

this affects my ability to talk about their strengths bc im not able to see them build a piece from the ground up. one of the things i admire the most + dancers hold to high regard is the ability to pick up choreography, how fast they can adapt to the style, and how quickly they reach a performance-ready image. additionally there’s rehearsal attitudes, how focused one can be, and how willing a dancer is to accept corrections + self correct + work w the choreographer

this said .. !

jin

his work ethic. it’s no secret that even from AHL and pre-debut days, jin has always been one of the hardest workers in terms of his dancing ability compared to the other members. to come from a NON DANCING background for the majority of his life (it gets harder to start picking things up the older you get due to habits and posture that ur body becomes used to) and to be able to pull off any single one of bts’ dances WITHOUT standing out and looking like a true professional is something that i greatly admire. with all my dance experience, albeit in ballet, i can’t dance the way he did in NMD even now. many many many idols and dancers will never reach his level of proficiency/energy/attitude in that piece as well.

currently i would say his greatest strength is probably his upper body movement. the only other member that rivals his loose flow is hoseok (re: mic drop dance break w the body rolls), as well as his incredible ballon. he has this ability to seem suspended when he’s doing certain dances … !!!

he also has incredible stamina. he is stable when he sings and dances, and often isn’t pitchy or sounding super out of breath. compared to 99% of the population, this is a talent and skill that many don’t have LOL this can only come from his natural altheticism and his work ethic due to hours and hours of practice ! he also always appears at ease when he dances (unless the song is an “edgy” or “angry” song), which is difficult to accomplish TT

yoongi

his strength as an overall dancer! he’s not just a one-trick pony. he doesn’t have any tricks (except for the recent double endehans that we saw in tokyo “so what”??????omg) but he excels in every single bts dance . there is always a point/move that he does better than his members. for a non dancer, he has such innate ability to move and feel the music, something that is rare for people just breaking into the dancing scene like he was pre-debut.

his footwork in dope is unparalleled. his stylistic choices in fake love r so fitting and unique and fjalsdhgalkhg i can’t praise him enough for opening himself up mentally (because dance is also greatly taxing on ur BRAIN) and getting to a place where it seems judgement has decreased on his OG dance abilities. this allows him more freedom in molding to new pieces and making sure he excels in them !!!!!

namjoon

wowowowowow namjoon also has unbelievable work ethic. i cannot imagine have a stiff, non-dancer’s body (pre-debut) shape itself into the Dancing Machine it is now. there are people who are born to dance, have movement sewn into their bones, but namjoon wasn’t given all of that and yet he continued to work until he found his own rhythm.

YES he is tall, and YES that means he has to move his body faster than everyone else in order to stay on the music, and YES that means when the group cleans a piece he has to bend lower than the others just to be on their same level – a task that can build exhaustion when it’s done over and over the course of a song – but YES he manages to pull it off EVERY TIME.

i cannot believe the amount of growth i’ve seen from him in all different styles. i could never imagine the hard hitting NMD dancer being able to do spring day or, an even better example, FAKE LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is light in the chorus section (so less resistance compared to JM or JK) but then he contrasts that immediately after w bound-flow, showing innate understanding that dance cannot all be one energy level; you need to have contrast in order to give impact to important parts & keep the audience engaged. otherwise if U attack a piece w the same energy the whole time, it will actually end up looking flat and boring, like all the movements are the same since they will read the same way to the crowd

hoseok

i cannot cannot cannot talk about hoseok enough. for me his greatest strength is his performance quality. ignoring everything else he does so well, i’m gonna cut straight to the chase and say he’s the best dance performer in bts. when he dances – between rehearsal and the stage – there is a clear difference; he’s engaged in both, but there’s a level of freedom that he allows himself which demonstrates his connection to the audience.

he’s very focused on what he looks like in the mirror during practice, but like all great performers, he throws the mindset of “fix technique fix technique fix technique” away once there is an audience and actively invites them to join in on his joy. he has pure passion in his heart for his craft, and it’s never been more clear. the love he has for his art is breathtaking. his fearlessness in switching styles; he’s an absolute chameleon. from spring day to NMD to seo taiji, i’ve never seen him falter before, and all topped off w the most electric connection to the crowd

like WOW is that breathtaking. being confident in choreography is one thing, but going above and beyond by pushing himself to be in performance mode (a whole beast and a half on its own) as much as possible requires more space within himself that i’m lacking from the other members. YES he is an idol, and he is very aware of this business of tricks, but he never forgets that dance speaks it own language, that it has its own rules, that it possesses his body and governs his movements the minute he sets foot on that stage. i can’t even explain the sheer talent thats in him when it comes to this aspect

jimin

oh jimin TT his greatest strength is style. i know i talk a lot about how he doesn’t let go enough of it to really excel in all sorts of genres, but what he’s built from a background in classical-esque styles is incredibly admirable. i’m not sure i would be able to do what he did, coming off of 14 yrs of ballet and not much else. to establish himself pre-debut/debut as a member of dance line in a COMPLETELY different style is so unbelievable to me. he knows his body and he knows how to push his body to get the results he wants

i mean . obviously bts are overworking themselves but to have the mental strength to push thru and continuously crank out all these different pieces w a touch that’s uniquely Jimin™ is smth you can’t deny !!! homeboy knows what lines look good on him, and he adapts the choreography to best suit his body

he also is a great camera fiend. this is more of an industry dancer situation (since great dancers ≠ industry dancers) where his idol status comes into play, but there is a good reason why his fancams get so many views on music shows ! he knows what the camera wants ! he knows how to be sexy ! he knows how to change his image ! he knows how to work with what he’s given and make a whole new meal out of that and its just ! wow ! fuckn yum !

taehyung

ok so let’s talk tae’s upper body. let’s talk . tae’s upper body .

he has such control and awareness over his movements, especially his body rolls. he knows how to make his torso fluid, which is something a lot of the members actively struggle with today. he has such ?? nuanced articulation thru his chest that is typically absent from male dancers , so it’s always a treat to watch him perform

additionally he has great confidence and performance aura. as u can tell from singularity or stigma stages, he also (like jimin) knows how to work a camera well. but this also translates to his dancing. while he can’t catch all the footwork that others may, he understands that facials and his upper body will make up for the deficit.

i’ve said this before but if you want to see how good of a technician a dancer is, you look at their legs and feet. if you want to see how good of a performer they are, you look at their upper body (arms too) . he knows how to make an impact w the way he moves & it’s so clear in the division of his energy thru his body (more towards his chest since) so !

jungkook

for me JK’s strength is how solid he is as a dancer. while he doesn’t excel at a particular style or have a Thing™ which sets him apart from the group, he does exactly what he’s given and he does it well. he works hard. he’s undeniably clean. there’s never a moment where his limbs are flopping around for no reason, and his energy is always portioned exactly where it needs to be. this innate cleanness and confidence in his ability is what allows him to move quickly and look like it’s not costing him much energy

he also has incredible stamina TT i can’t even begin to explain ???begin????him singing it live???WITH THAT FOOTWORK?????? god

his footwork is so strong. i would argue the strongest in bts ... the speed and the sharpness of what i’ve seen him do . while singing. is unbelievable. he is able to keep his wits about himself when the choreography is fast shows just how relaxed he is when he dances. he doesn’t feel the need to rush because he knows he’s just . gonna do everything right LOL (at least that’s the impression i’m getting)

again it’s just so hard to say what his tru strength it without seeing him in rehearsal. this is becoz the level of dancing ability in bts is so high already TT so the basis of my comments are a little redundant since i’m comparing members to members instead of members to regular people lmaoo

#anon #replies: inbox #dance tag #long post --#i hope this was helpful TT #took me forever to write out lmao and apologies for typos im dead inside maybe

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tehstripe · 7 years

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2. Dear _______, - Dave/Rose Newspaper Columnist AU

I finally finished the second fic for my challenge! The prompt was “newspaper advice columnists who passive-aggressively diss one another in their advice au,” found in this AU list. Also this thing is a small monster that I will probably cross-post to AO3 after... a bit of editing and coding.

(Also keep an eye out I have a second fic to post tonight.)

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

Recently, my boyfriend has been acting strangely. He keeps asking about my schedule and when I'll be home. At first I assumed he was just asking so that he could work on planning dates, but whenever I ask him about his schedule, he gets very cagey and won't tell me exactly what he's doing. If I ever demand what he is doing, he tells me he is hanging out with "friends."

Is he cheating on me, or am I just reading into things? I want to confront him, but I don't want to ruin the relationship over something silly...

Sincerely, Am I Just Paranoid?

Dear Mx. Paranoid?

There are one of three options here.

The first is, naturally, the most boring. He is cheating on you. His so-called "friends" are in fact a short-hand for his elicit lover.

For your sake, I hope this is not the case, though I am sure it would be gratifying to know that your suspicions were at least somewhat justified. I would recommend actually talking to some of his friends in order to confirm the story that he is telling you. Is he truly hanging out with them, or is he just using them as a convenient excuse to ditch you?

A few caveats. First, even if his friends back up his story, they may be lying. You can test this by asking a few of them what they were up to and seeing if their stories match. If possible, I would recommend talking to some of their significant others, who will more likely be sympathetic to your cause.

If you do not know enough of his friends in order to ask them what they were up to on June 6th at 11:00 PM, consider that you may not be deep enough into this relationship to be too concerned about ruining it. Cut your losses and run. Even if he is not cheating on you, I cannot think of much good that will come from having a boyfriend who, early in the relationship, demands to know where you will be without properly reciprocating.

Naturally, if you do discover that your man is cheating on him, there is only one possible solution. You must sacrifice his body to Zathog the Great Old One. If he is pleased with your sacrifice, then he may grant you the ability to travel through both time and space, which is undeniably a much better thing to be in possession of than a cheating boyfriend.

Ah! But we must not overlook the other possibilities. You may also be in a situation pulled straight from a "Romantic Comedy," as the lay people refer to them, where you are led to believe your beau is cheating on you, when in truth, he is attempting to set up a beautiful surprise for you that only shows how much he loves you. Perhaps there is even a big diamond ring in your future?

Ah, but Miss Therapist, you may proclaim. However will I know whether or not I have found myself within the confines of a "Romantic Comedy"? The answer is simple. Look around you, at the people you surround yourself with. Do you have a gay best friend who gladly accepts the lofty title of "sassy"? Do you have a well-meaning girl friend (who you, mistakenly, call a "girlfriend" despite the fact that the two of you are straight) who is hapless, cute (but not as cute as you), and pursuing her own relationship off to the periphery of your existence? Are there any older women in your life who give you expressions that imply they have seen it all?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then congratulations! You are most likely a fictional character within a film that will be affectionately dubbed a "Chick Flick." On the bright side, you are undoubtedly being played by an attractive celebrity, so that is one important consolation prize to the unfortunate fact that you are not actually real.

You can also check this with his friends, of course.

The final, and frankly, most likely option is that he is planning his own ritualistic sacrifice to Zathog. He is most likely planning to sacrifice you. Get the jump on him. Forgo love and earthly attachments and become the space-and-time travelling god you were always destined to be.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely, The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I'm trying to think of what I should get my girlfriend for our two-year anniversary. She's honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I want to make it special for her. Any ideas?

-- Two Years of Devotion

dear 2y devotion

okay my dude my buddy my pal

listen to this thing that you are asking me. really listen to it. take the page you are reading right now and hold it up to your ear all gentle like and let it whisper into your ear.

"i want to do something special" cool thats great thats a general thing that everybody who is not a douche wants to do for their significant other but think about this for a sec.

you went to an advice column for this shit. and dont get me wrong my advice column is unequivocally the best advice column cause unlike some columnists im not gonna suggest you throw your girlfriend to sh'blugh the tentacle horror from beyond the veil but

you gave me nothing to go on man

how do i make that special

like give me some details to go off of

you love this girl right tell me something about her

or i guess since its too late to tell me about her because this is a delayed conversation that gets publicly written and published in a magazine think about the kind of shit that she likes

like you probably already know the kind of shit that she likes if youre really as into her as you say

does your girl like flowers? get her some flowers does your girl like horses? get her a horse does your girl like sports? get her a sport

and like that goes for activities too if youve decided to date an adrenaline junkie take her to an amusement park or go skydiving or something

or even just crack open a bottle of fancy wine or whatever

shit is special if you make it special dude and if i tell you exactly what to do that ruins the whole idea of it being special

anyway good luck hope you dont bomb it

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm a mother of a beautiful girl who is currently in the second grade. She constantly comes home complaining of a boy bothering her in class. I have gone to her teacher to try and figure out what we can do to make her feel more comfortable at school, but the teacher simply said that the boy probably had a crush and told me that this was a normal peer interaction among children their age.

While I understand that many children do not know how to properly express their emotions or their feelings, I can't help but feel suspicious of this determination. My daughter has said that this boy has pulled her hair and pushed her down on the playground. I don't care what the teacher says - that is NOT the behavior of somebody with a crush.

Sincerely, Concerned Mother

Dear Miss Concerned,

You have every right to be concerned. However, the teacher is right. That boy almost certainly does have a crush.

You see, Miss Concerned, in all my years of giving advice and viewing the world from my lofty place above it, I have come to the conclusion that a man in love becomes the stupidist and most brute-ish thing imaginable. This starts from a very young age, and though the man may be able to temper his natural instincts upon growing older and even produce the occasional bouquet of flowers, this is natural. Why, even at my decidedly unspecified age, I sometimes encounter men who show their undying affection for me by "vagueing" me, as I understand is the modern parlance, in their own personal advice columns.

(By the by, Mr. Strider, everybody knows that my column has more regular readers than yours does.)

That said, this behavior is unacceptable. Were this a fully grown man, of course, I would say that you should toss him to the Old One of your choice as an offering of appeasement for not destroying our planet eons ago, but this is still just a second grade boy. Foolish and brutish as he may be, I will never condone child sacrifice. Instead, focus on the teacher.

Tell her that you don't care if this boy has a crush - it is unacceptable that your daughter is being made to feel unsafe and unhappy in a place of learning, which should be open to her. Children do not learn or grow well in environments they are uncomfortable in. If this boy is making her uncomfortable then, whatever his reasons for doing that may be, he needs to be talked to and he needs to be stopped. That is the long and short of it. If the teacher seems unwilling to help, take it to the principal. If the principal is equally reluctant, then pitch a fit and give some of your fellow parents a reason to outrage. Make the local news. Cause a national movement for little boys to stop pulling little girl's hair in an attempt to flirt. Eventually, the teacher will have to give in. Or at the very least, pressure from social media will get her fired for showing such painful neglect at her job.

Once that happens, naturally, you may sacrifice her to the Old One of your choosing.

I hope that these words bring you comfort and wisdom. You sound like you are a good and caring mother.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I have a crush on a guy, but I don't know how to get his attention. What can I do to get him to notice me?

-- Crushing in California

dear crushinator

well first off let me tell you what NOT to do

the thing that you definitely dont do is call this guy out for vagueing you on your very public advice column especially if youre going to pretend that youre a cool dark mistress of the night who ritually sacrifices people to the tentacled gods of your nightmares i mean okay i guess i should specify that you will definitely get noticed but not in the way that you want despite that saying there is such a thing as bad attention especially when youre attempting to woo a guy

anyways i guess it really depends on the kind of guy youre looking at what do you know about this dude is he into video games?? go take a picture of yourself with a controller in your mouth and accidentally send it to him then hell know for sure that youre a gamer gurl and hell ask to play some fresh games with you and then you have an in (make sure youre actually okay at video games though maybe)

is he into sports??? go dress yourself as a ball

or wear a jersey with his favorite team on it or something

just get a conversation started honestly or if youre already in the conversation zone you can start dropping mad innuendos left and right maybe put on some nice clothes or bat your eyelashes a bit you know just do something special

and again dont call him out on "vagueing" you or hell just continue to talk smack about you to his huge avid fanbase and then youll just be sad and embarrassed

hope that helps

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm a high school student and there's a few people who keep bothering me on social media. They aren't bullying me or anything, but they keep mentioning me in posts and responding to all of my statuses. It's getting kind of annoying. What should I do?

Sincerely, I just want some peace and quiet on my FB Feed!

Dear FB Feeder,

Truly, now you understand the trials and tribulations that I myself face on a near daily basis. I do not know you or your body of work, but clearly within the realm of your school, you must be somewhat famous.

Now, I do not know the gender or sexual orientation of these bothering people you mention, but I would hazard a guess that at least one or two of them are interested in pursuing you romantically, but due to having the emotional maturity of a teenager, they do not know how to pursue you in a way that is not hugely annoying.

I am sure you would like to hear that this behavior will naturally fade over time as said teenagers grow and mature into proper young adults, but I am saddened to inform you that often this is not the case. Why, one can even become a semi-professional advice columnist and yet still resort to calling out their crushes in a public space. Therefore, you will need to take some actions in order to ease your own annoyance at the situation.

The easiest option would, of course, be to block them, but I do not claim to be an expert on the delicate social balance of your high school. Perhaps blocking these individuals would be a social faux pas from which you could never recover. In that case, many websites (and I suspect this mysterious "FB" is among them) have a way to block people from showing up on your feed. This may not solve the problem, but may fix some of the annoyance.

You could also try talking to them. Tell them that their constant attention is annoying and unflattering. If they are trying to impress you, then they will back off. If they are trying to get to you, then they are bullying you, and you can report them to the adult of your choice.

Naturally there is always the option of throwing them to the Beasts Below, who quite enjoy annoying human souls.

I hope this helps.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear Disc Jockey Strider,

I have a quandary. You see, there is a particular rival of me who seems to, as of late, decided to take it upon himself to mention me in nearly every single public answer he grants to his purported legion of devoted fans. I am beginning to think that perhaps there is something more to his constant mentions of me. Is this a cry for help? Could it be that the adviser, in this case, should become the advisee?

Sincerely, An Anonymous, but Concerned, Reader

dear anonymous tentacle therapist,

yeah haha nice try

--- dj strider

dear tentacle mistress of the night,

hey so i have this problem and that problem is primarily the fact that theres this creepy advice columnist whos constantly up in my grill and i think shes gotta be in love with me

i mean i also have a problem in that im just drowning in so many fans that i cant barely see straight but thats one hundred percent beside the point

whats my plan of action here do i let her down gently or what

sincerely, a super cool dude with a better advice column than this

Dear Your Advice Column Is Not Better,

It certainly sounds like you have quite the conundrum but I must wonder. Is it her that is in love with you? Or might you be projecting somewhat? After all, it seems to me that you might have been the one who started it. If her responses, as you claim, indicate that she is clearly in love with you, then I am afraid that by your same logic you must simply be head over heels.

In that case, I would not recommend letting her down gently. Not because of her feelings - oh no. I doubt that she has feelings one way or the other about whether or not you actually get the guts to ask her out. No, I would highly recommend that you not let her down gently because, based on what I have inferred from you in this very anonymous and mysterious question, I worry for the implications on your psyche should you make the decision to try and turn this girl down before you have ever confessed your feelings.

No, my professional recommendation is that you suck it up and you go to her and you ask her out. She will likely turn you down, of course. I understand that she has high standards. But if you continue to keep your feelings pent up, it will only hurt you and those around you. Besides, if you do not give it a shot, then you will never know what could come from it. You never know. You might just be surprised by what she says, if you go about it the right way.

Also, I do know for a fact that you have her number.

Your move, Strider.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I was wondering, what's your advice for what to do on a first date? I just met this really pretty girl and we've been flirting a lot, and she agreed to go out with me. But now I have to actually think of a good date idea! What should I do?

Also, since it is a first date, I don't know THAT much about her, since I know that's usually what you tell people who come to you for relationship advice. I mean, that's what the first date is for, right?

Sincerely, Nervous First Timer

dear nervous,

okay yeah for once you got a situation in which im not gonna come over and sit your ass down about actually knowing your girlfriends interests because hey news flash shes not your girlfriend

yet

dont worry my man i will come up with a plan to fully woo this girl and you will then have a girlfriend and then maybe even a wife

just send me a wedding invite okay

actually this goes for everyone if i ever land you a wife or a husband or a gender non specific spouse send me a fuckin wedding invite i probably wont go but i might and i give you permission to advertise to all of your friends and family that you might have a minor local celebrity attending your big special day

but yeah first dates

first off you probably want to do something with a specific end time or else youre gonna end up trapped in a moment of like is it time to end this? do i wanna be the one who has to say i have to go? if nothing else give yourself an excuse to leave at a specific time like you gotta meet a friend or catch a bus

the other thing is that you gotta make sure you leave time to actually you know. talk.

i know seeing a movie seems really tempting and yeah movie dates can be fun but consider what youre actually doing on that date

youre staring at a screen while sitting next to somebody who is a borderline stranger and maybe enjoying a baller flick but are you really advancing that relationship at all?

nah

so yeah generally something like a lunch or a dinner can be pretty good but it can be tricky and awkward if you dont know what youre gonna talk about like what if you start talking and realize you got nothing in common that you actually care about

so thats either good for a second date or if youre like an awesome conversationalist who is always confident that youre able to keep a conversation going no matter who youre talking to

so its usually a good idea to do something thats a little more focused

if you do know anything about her then you can bring her to an event you know she might like

maybe a museum or something? aquarium? zoo? i guess a sport game could work but as i understand it there are drones that come around and demand that you kiss for the crowd so maybe thats not the best idea

anyways just make sure its something for you guys to talk about other than your own awkward burgeoning romance

anyways in the end the important thing is just be yourself dude

i can say from recent personal experience that being yourself works wonders and if it doesnt work wonders then that probably means that the relationship wasnt gonna work well anyways

just make sure you dont dump all your biggest darkest secrets on the first date though or else you dont give your nosy date anything to come back for the next time

but actually that maybe only works if your date is trying to pretend she is a therapist

anyways good luck dude hopefully that gave you some good ideas

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm in a kind of new relationship and it is going great! This guy is great and I could really see it going places. We've been going steady for about a month and a half now, but he's seemed really hesitant about telling other people about us. He won't list himself as being in a relationship on social media, and though some of our mutual friends obviously know, I don't know how vocal he's been about it with the other people in his life.

Now, we are gay, but he's also really openly gay to everybody that he knows, so I don't think that's a big part of it. Everybody knows he likes guys, so the fact that he's dating me shouldn't be that big of a deal. So what's going on? Does he just really value his privacy or is he planning to dump me soon? What signs should I be looking out for. (I need to know when it is appropriate to plan my tentacled sacrifice after all. :P)

Sincerely, Are We Dating Or What?

Dear Schrodinger's Boyfriend,

I'm afraid that going public with a relationship is always a tricky thing, regardless of whether or not the status of your sexuality is broadcast to the entire world. There are many, many reasons that your boyfriend may not want to go public with you. I will, of course, get the obvious out of the way. He may be possessed by one of the Old Ones, in which case, they are notoriously shy about their relationships. They have lived for millenia, so they feel no reason to rush through things. Be patient with them, and it will pay off in a major way.

Now, there is the (admittedly slim) chance that your beau is but a normal human man, with all of the normal lovable foibles of human men. If this is the case, I can see a few options.

The first is the one that I think you are the most scared of - he's Just Not That Into You. Either he is cheating on you (or perhaps you are the one he is cheating with?) or he has plans to end the relationship soon. I cannot predict which of these it is, but if you have mutual friends who know, it may not be a bad idea to ask one of them for their input on the situation. Naturally, if either of these is the case, offer his body up for possession by an Old One. You will have the same problem, but rest assured that the Old One will be faithful and loyal to you up until the point it decides to use your flesh organs as part of an important summoning ritual.

The second option is simply that he is shy or cautious. Maybe, despite being openly gay, he is still somewhat embarrassed by a relationship. Perhaps he has relatives who would harass you if they knew who you were.

Or perhaps he has been burned by rushing into a public relationship in the past.

Perhaps he was, once upon a time, with another boy who he went public with too soon. Perhaps the pressure of the relationship made him feel like he had to perform that relationship to an extent that felt unnatural to him. Perhaps he didn't like how it felt, having something so new, personal, and delicate being handed out to the world at large.

I don't know the type of people who might like to look at your boyfriend's life, but it is also entirely possible that he would not want them to know of any relationship of his, simply because they will find a way to butt their noses in and ruin it. An overbearing mother, perhaps? Nosy friends? A needy ex, who will proceed to harass you as soon as your name is out there as being his "Facebook Official" beau.

Needless to say, there are many reasons that he could want to refrain from making your relationship public that actually have very little to do with your relationship. In fact, it could even be a sign that he values your relationship. He values what you have so much that he doesn't want to share what you have with the rest of the world and thus risk losing it.

Though, of course, he could be cheating. It is possible that I am injecting some of my own thought processes too heavily into this answer. I do not truly know your boyfriend, so I cannot say for sure what his thoughts are. The best thing I can really advise you do is... ask.

Good luck.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I think that two of my friends have hooked up, but I'm not sure. They used to be really annoying to each other, and our other friends and I always joked that they were flirting, but I at least never actually meant it. But now they don't bother each other as much and they're just kind of... calm together. And there are a lot of times that the two of them are pretty obviously missing from group get togethers.

So... were they actually flirting?? Are they dating now?? What if they break up? That will just make them even more annoying!

Sincerely, Kind of Grossed Out

dear kind of

yeah your friends are definitely banging now and yeah they probably were always actually flirting but they might not have been aware of it

see sometimes if you are an asshole you dont know how to express affection apart from acting like an extra asshole to the people that you like and usually this is a self correcting feature since like youll drive away all of the people you like so they dont have to put your extra asshole-ness the real kicker comes when you end up crushing on somebody who can actually match your punches and act like an equally big asshole in return

its a very delicate dance honestly and you should just be glad that you got to view it in its natural habitat if only youd caught it on camera you could have sold that shit to discovery channel and got richard attenborough to dub over it with his cool nature documentary voice and here we see the assholes in their elaborate mating ritual though it may look like a fight to outsiders they are actually both getting really turned on by it and are gonna fuck vigorously in a month or two

anyways yeah its gonna suck if they break up but honestly what break up doesnt suck

i dont think the way that the flirting process happens really dictates how much a break up process is going to suck and from personal experience probably theyd be less annoying broken up than theyd be together since theyd just avoid each other which is a whole other kinda stress but yeah

i guess what im trying to say is yes your friends are definitely boning down embrace it and congratulate them or something also make sure that none of them are in charge of any advice columns

-- dj strider

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

Hello, I Am A Long Time Reader, First Time Writer

I Was Simply Wondering How One Would Hypothetically Go About Wooing An Advice Columnist That They Thought Was Very Clever And Humorous

This Is A Hypothetical Scenario Of Course I Was Just Wondering

Sincerely, A Fan

Dear Cooling Unit,

Honestly, I stared at this letter for quite a while, wondering how to answer it. I would have guessed that this was written by DJ Strider, in fact, if I didn't know for a fact that he would never put enough effort into writing something to press the shift button that often.

Regardless, I am sure that now is about the point where I am supposed to tell you how to woo me. This is where you expect me to say that the worst way to woo me is to slyly reference me in your public column for the whole world to see. Honestly, that is a technique that I would not have expected to work on paper, but it must have its merits.

At any rate, I suspect that technique would not work on most advice columnists, so I suppose I will simply continue under the assumption that this is the Very General And Hypothetical Advice that you assured me you were asking for.

My simple advice is thus: treat wooing them like you would any other person. If you do not know them in real life or do not have an easy way to contact them other than through their advice column, then pursuing a relationship is inadvisable. They will treat you as yet another fan, and I can say from personal experience that I am not terribly interested in dating fans.

"Fans," you see, tend to put you up on a pedestal. They take a look at you and think that you have hung the moon, which means that the only way for their opinion of you to go is down. Having a healthy, normal outlook on your strengths and weaknesses as a partner is down-grading their image of you, which means that no matter what, you will become a disappointment to them. The moment you mess up in front of somebody who idolizes you, it will feel like a betrayal to them, because you don't match the perfect image they have built in their head.

No, I would be far more interested in pursuing somebody who is my equal, through and through, and I suspect the same is true of most other hypothetical advice columnists. If you do find one who is excited by the fact you are a fan, they are undoubtedly an egotistical narcissist who wants to hear about how they hung the moon. While I do not deny that hearing of my moon-hanging exploits is quite the enjoyable experience for me, it is not a solid foundation for a relationship. If you find such a columnist who wants to build a relationship on that, might I recommend putting a sample of their blood into a summoning circle to bring about a personal curse on their house and home?

At any rate, any advice that is seeking out this particular advice columnist's interest will, sadly, be too little too late. Against all odds, I happen to be taken with somebody else.

-- The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

I kind of pissed my girlfriend off. How do I get back on her good side?

Sincerely, In the Dog House

dear i hope thats not a petplay reference holy shit,

okay see this is why people need to provide me more details about their problems like look at me i write long and heartfelt messages to all of you

like i really inject my soul into these answers make sure theyre multi paragraph endeavors and what do you give me?

"oh yeah my girlfriends pissed" like what do you want me to do with that theres so many factors at play here about how to get back on her good side or even if such a feat is possible cause trust me there are ways to get on a bad side permanently and for all i know you have done something worthy of the permanent bad side

like did you fucking go out and cheat on her?? if so then go ahead and dump yourself she doesnt deserve to put up with you

if you just like forgot to wash the dishes that one time or something???? yeah thats probably an offense you can recover from and im hoping that youre talking about something like that over the cheating because i am not a pro cheating advice column ill have you know

im a respectable advice column with family values and also a decent and healthy amount of respect for all romantic partners

anyways if you did something like forget an anniversary then that depends entirely on the girl and how long youve been together and how badly you forgot it

if it is a make up-able offense though what you do to get on her good side is......... also dependent on some awesome details that you didnt fucking give me

like my dude did you put effort into this question at all

did you just decide to mass produce this so that you could send it to multiple advice bogs? actually im gonna ask around and see if anybody else i know got it

anyways its a shit question put more effort in next time

some general shit you can do is obviously like buy her something that she likes take her on a special date to a place that she likes or try and do the thing you screwed up the first time but dont screw it up this time

but mostly just apologize

though i kinda hope you did that already because if you didnt even think to toss a lil im sorry in between the time you sent this and the time it took me to process it and actually respond then im sorry you might be beyond help

oh yeah that said one way to get on a girlfriends good side is to be a super famous advice columnist because then whatever you write will be public and apparently your girlfriend could be into public apologies like i dont know you didnt give me enough to work with

but i guess this is to say uh

sorry for joking about the thing you were right youre always right everybody should go to the best advice column ever the tentacled therapist for all of your best advice needs

(that was not a paid advertisement btw but i cant say that it was done entirely by choice)

((but no really im joshing you dont tell tt but her advice is actually pretty sound. even some of the ritual sacrifice stuff is kinda reasonable when you think about it. she usually only recommends it to assholes that deserve it its not just a blanket ritual since thatd have no meaning))

anyways good luck i guess?

like good luck if you arent a douchebag and i guess if you ARE a douchebag then good luck to your girlfriend i hope she dumps you and goes on to clearer waters

Dear Tentacled Therapist,

I'm thinking of proposing soon. What are your thoughts on a public proposal? On the one hand, it's kind of romantic getting to share a special moment with a lot of other people... but on the other hand, it does kind of trap the other person into saying yes because they don't want to seem like a jerk in front of a lot of other people. What do you think is the way to go with this one?

Sincerely, Nervous Proposer

Dear Nervous Proposition,

Whether or not a public proposal is a good idea depends entirely on the person that you are proposing to.

By this point, I would hope that you had some sort of idea about what the person you are proposing to might like as far as public proposals. Are they easily embarrassed by attention, or do they soak it up like they are plants who desperately need all available sunlight for photosynthesis? How keen are they on things such as surprise birthday parties? Have you ever thrown them a surprise birthday party? Perhaps, before considering marriage, you should throw them a surprise birthday party. You cannot truly know a person until you have seen their reaction to such a fiasco.

I would also recommend that the two of you have discussed the topic of marriage before you even consider popping the question to your prospective fiance. I wouldn't propose until the two of you consider yourselves to be - and I apologize for my use of this cliché - "engaged to be engaged." Make sure that your partner is planning on the prospect of a marriage with you.

You might even consider doing two proposals - one more subdued, in private, just to make sure that they say yes. Then you can propose that you have a big surprise that the two of you get to share with everybody else, and you get to propose a second time without any of the stress.

Now, personally, public proposals are not my style, and anybody dating me would know better than to do such a proposal. But.

That is assuming that they can beat me to the punch. ;)

I wish you luck in your endeavors, and I am sorry there was no good place for sacrifices to the Old Ones in this week's column.

Sincerely, The Tentacled Therapist

Dear DJ Strider,

Who should I pick to be my Maid of Honor? I have two really good friends. One I am closer to, and I know she'll probably pick me to be her maid of honor... but the other one is a LOT better at planning shit out. I know that if I pick her, my wedding will be run like a well-oiled machine, but I also don't want to upset my other friend. Then again, the friend who's good at planning might be offended that I chose the closer friend, and be frustrated when she has to deal with her bad planning as a bridesmaid.

So... who do I pick? It feels like I lose no matter what.

Sincerely, Fretting Fiance

dear ff

yo i fucking hear you on this shit weddings are the most stressful thing that has ever been invented by man

i mean man in the generic sense btw not the male human sense though i guess it might have also been made by a male human? idk i should ask about the history of weddings later maybe

anyways its all politics dont let anybody tell you any different

like you gotta be oh so careful with your seating placements at the reception or ol grandma berthas gonna tear the eyes out of uncle jimmy and we cant risk getting that blood all over the table cloths or else were gonna have to pay a really big fee to the table cloth company we hired and were already gonna be broke because of the honeymoon

and yeah we gotta make sure that shellys the bridesmaid second from the left because otherwise shell block out kelly in all the wedding pictures and kelly will pitch a fit

anyways i guess the easiest thing to do is going to just be to talk to them

you could always offer to split the honor between the two of them too if your planny friend is as good as planning as you say i bet you can come up with a good way to work 2 maids of honor into the ceremony

also uh i guess this is a good a time as any to make a lil announcement guys

so after april rolls around im not gonna be dj strider anymore

better get ready to start making your pleas for help out to dj lalonde

-- the artist formerly known as dj strider

#homestuck #daverose #dersecest #though they are not related in this fic #stripe writes #stripe au challenge

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churningtummy · 7 years

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Trove Cheat

{The foremost standard take a look at Trove Cheat Codes's voxel-strong vistas and information is sufficient to ascertain it owes some strong fiscal requirements to Minecraft, to make sure that just as with Minecraft, research and designing lie inside centre on the adventure. randomly made, and each and every could well be utilized from levels-best suited portals with the hub world. |{Most sessions thereby experience fantastically not much like each other, eventhough that is going to not are generally far too hard to accomplish, wondering about which every category only becomes several talents. A considerable number of adversaries go walking open air world in order to take a crack at your skill on any ol' element, but almost all of the measures develops with the some dungeons dotting the country. Trove Cheat Codes could very well be an MMOG, but almost all of their distribution are soloable, and superior gets rid of (therefore your own loot drops and XP) calculate in the event you just experienced another competitor participating in the hurting. It's particularly saddening simply because MMOG builder Trion must not be a complete stranger to this sort of content--eventhough matching challenges impacted the business's release of ArcheAge this old days calendar year--however it is proof of Trove Cheat Codes's superior quality the waits don't seem to have an affect on its realization. Subsequently, after some hours of carry out, that feeling really has not fully washed out, regardless i think I'll quickly are required to consideration from Trove Cheat Codes for a time for keeping it. That's plenty to develop Trove Cheat Codes victorious, and it is really fast updates and also random made worlds help to make nearly every look at experience not much like the actual. You will definitely be within the guide for maybe 1 hour or so inside most prior to deciding to get out of and proceed to the following. Nonetheless it would seem frequently the public only getaway for a short time, perform the dungeons they randomly find (they are not designated through the limelight) by putting. |cautious Tone of voice of knowledge? No, clear of all…what presented you that notion? Trove Cheat Codes is definitely picking a imitation 8-bit physical appearance them to obtain fantastically. Irritating, continual appears to be were found to be the particular wall bot. Unfortunately, there will probably can be bought an establishment precisely where participants subject why they actually carry out. Athletes do not have to build with each other to obtain achievements in dungeons. Within the accomplish Trove Cheat Codes is a good wall bot for everybody. You, Thrall Meer, go research.” I researched Trove Cheat Codes’s crucial artwork, sneered at merely how it showed up as though someone attempt to remake Minecraft from fossilised blancmange and after that stuck 1980s sweet treats right through it, and despaired. The sad thing is which means that the imaginative area on the wall bot is now at a loss regarding the avarice area: there are numerous exceptional co-operative buildings found in the ‘Clubs’, a variety of Guild/confidential shard hybrid, but essentially everyone’s jogging extremely identical dungeons again and again wanting adventure, golden coin and hardware. |This can be like a handful of the world’s amusement recreational areas mashed with each other, and that also i pray that practically never becomes offered from context to seem being a endorsement. appearing out from Definitely young ones enjoy it. wands and masks by striking concerns, I quite possibly could spend my winnings on property machines that to set up other machines or transform hinders with other colours, I quite possibly could bit by bit improve my ‘Cornerstone’ persistent foundation for that reason it could carry every one of these items, I quite possibly could strike concerns vibrant concerns vibrant concerns, and And not an excessive amount of in I quite possibly could hit the total amount 2 and convert a bloody ideal dragon for about twenty a few seconds. Just about everything - from costumes to sessions, from brackets to treasure chests, from potions to in-wall bot foreign currency, may be bought, club the fundamental and major appliances of progression and production. It’s a game title label for teenagers, and it is a game title label intended to eke finances from children (or at absolute best their mothers and fathers). guided along the The bots sell is an extremely derivative you, so a thing that allures game enthusiasts is likely to be truly worth needing to cover give attention to seeing as consequently it’ll have an affect on bots you cherish. This full-blown “adult” shtick could well be very mindless and immature. to thrill mature adults. |It's no intellectual information, no subtlety, and nil entice anybody who is not just attempting in becoming a kids (which might be a legitimate plan, every so often). Trove Cheat Codes, Only then should we strike each other with each other. This. I hardly ever fault Trion to remain needy plenty to go to this particular, but it's a first-rate sacrilege they'd skill plenty to obtain achievements so Water supply beneath the connect, I assume: precisely where so next, Trion? I’m accustomed to the public evaluating nearly every voxel wall bot actually to minecraft, regardless i did not foresee watching That lots of ratings within a single check out :O Have you ever even consider a sole part of the wall bot whilst not directly evaluating it to these kind of like? You have some engaging guideline inside of your piece of writing and that also i go along with a handful of elements, eventhough Individually, i believe it is particularly annoying to find out if we have a evaluation to Minecraft or possibly Omg nearly every 2 phrases. unachievable to In order this video game has questing and quests and Omg does way too, its the same wall bot? Thats ridiculous! Let's say i expressed Prolonged Way Absent and Hearthstone are indistinguishable given that they have bow and arrows? Let's say i expressed Cod is comparable to Trove Cheat Codes given it has weapons? Totally significantly I undeniably loved the paragraph on Minecraft, it will make me are required to see another RPS piece of writing consider the vanilla sole-competitor surviving style, as soon as i observed furthermore past I executed it. “Slow-range of motion existential crisis” is a top notch account of Notch’s presence as a the general public physique. I believe you are turning out to be willfully obtuse in the event you can not discover that this is just what he’s outlining a cynical mishmash through the particularly most obsessive and “easy” parts of Minecraft and Omg, considerably focused on a much more fresh crowd. Let me restate it, not actually quite moaning, but a little bit more including the reviewer was mentioning Trove Cheat Codes to Minecraft a bit an excessive amount of. check out, except |Interval. It’s F2P rubbish that's powered by Trion. Next, there's a unique standard of competence to practicing the different tad dungeons. Incorporating dragons within the wall bot actually modified some false impression, eventhough I doubtfulness Alec picked up considerably plenty within the wall bot to see that. about it's entirely free. Including, so? Farmville is comparable to Minecraft with blocky information plus some graphics. The debate can primarily be produced the responsibility of responsibility is about the mother and father to make certain that their young ones are not capable of which makes products via internet, and that also i powerfully have certainty in that particular, nonetheless it does not affect the actuality that Trion has generally published a training course intended to distinguish small children from finances as economically once you possibly can. You could get your kid an clothing as a take care of if they're amazingly well socialized. expose They are not producing 5 bounce? Really. |I wasn’t even actually voicing my particular views, essentially presenting the author’s sales message within the OP. happy with it. categorization They necessary neglect Minecraft that's crack to young ones, coupled it while using parts of an MMO that are crack to young ones, amped inside coloration and explosions to 20000, crammed it with small sales, and possess thereby created a wall bot which will come out of as particularly cynical. Better clarification on the wall bot, coupled with provides in order to point out to why farmville is in fact quintessentially Trion. So will you justify why mothers and fathers would cover a I take part in the wall bot way too, I'm a grownup, and it is most definately not minecraft, not forgetting a RPG. you’ve practically never Being truthful with this point, the label through the document is, really, “Trove Cheat Codes check out.” So even when they’re unlikely to carry out a ideal Wot I Think, they’re actually positioning this information as a check out and may even gladly experience document vistas from the public on the lookout for just one single. Are you currently not necessarily knowledgeable about just what the key phrase ‘review’ usually means? For the most part with regards to the remarks of an individual performing like it’s the finish around the world this video game exist. I’m privileged i fit into with several nightclubs with invaluable the public :) TIL Trove Cheat Codes is advertised towards… Boys and girls? Also, these assholes with the remarks. Inside a unrelated your own observe, I'd be alright if RPS practically not considered DOTA-desires along with great bulletins. |Additionally, RPS appointed men and women to take care of DOTA-like news flash, in order that insurance coverage is not disappearing. Any PC bots news flash site will without difficulty become aware of me about computer monitor promises. # 1 could well be, to me, the “visceral” Shotgun part of the new emblem. I believe however , Excitement Capitalist is mostly a realistically ‘good’ idle wall bot, where Trove Cheat Codes is mostly a realistically terrible MMO/Minecraftbut. for me personally (though I’m actually participating in like one minute of AC each day, and frequently I disregard). bashing Omg for it’s endless Attach shower area of quests and loot and achievements. |Both the young ones have realized this idea, nonetheless it would seem there are many folks who don’t. The visible trend is Specific, not just “they’re each of these made of cubes,” and also randomized worlds with pre-ideal dugeons spread out about is in fact really carefully matching that i would not be very impressed at all to uncover they specifically replicated some or all code. should just as well It’s grindy definitely, but there’re several different things you can do in the event you want a crack from jogging dungeons. This game’s region is filled with young ones, since you can without difficulty find out and easy to become involved in, regardless this does not denote, that it's developed for young ones or that it's a ‘kids game’! I really like participating in RPGs, regardless i can not withstand RPGs, where you can not actually advance really fast, as you have to do quests and Have to do raids and content (such as Omg) to build along the maximum levels! And I’m only a few you. it actually is less complicated than your selected RPG and has now far more physically active participants does not mean that farmville is sh*t. inside retail outlet are credits only, you do not get some entirely free credits. disagree while using Minecraft and Trove Cheat Codes have 1 take into account trying to keep, and thats voxel artwork trend. The beginner mount that everybody becomes, and after that almost every other mount with the the complete wall bot. You will still improve one of your nightclubs world Group worlds have some awesome functionalities, here is an example tossing people that make it possible for virtually anyone to head in making use of a hub world regardless your golf club world is primarily a spot for one of your nightclubs to use efforts and throw imaginative style on for a bit. |an adequate sum of the actual hinders to help make the amount of just one another coloration was needed to develop the easiest of design be hard, you've actually have got to grind for a multitude of coloration tasty recipes. Then, use the hinders you gained to set up the wall surfaces to # 1 produce restriction. It is very painstaking, but definitely worth the energy if you wish a product or service inside Blowout situation. Athletes can simply exchange sessions and talents to alter to actually-altering worlds. more quickly, and Proactive Glitter Explosive machine - Chuck a glistening explosive machine which buys modest locale hurt. The task initiated enjoying a feeling complete a wall bot that evokes a feeling you receive immediately after you at the beginning go to a totally new world and start to comprehend a little more about. Starting off now, participants can bounce into Opened Beta absolutely free. Trove Cheat Codes is truly a liberated to try out, category based on, Mmog invented to you by Trion Worlds. included a But tackle and research are simply a portion of what Trove Cheat Codes gives. |{You will see wasteland worlds, neon worlds, candy worlds and fae worlds (and many more). As Soon As I expressed though, in tackle, the controls are very straightforward and sensitive. Both equally me and my pal was needed to craft a deliver the results counter twice. {}In case you have practically never executed the Shovel Dark-colored night-time range long before, we'll lightly crack low exactly what to foresee. are particularly amazingly well beyond just what the classic equipment could get, even so the nostalgia exist and ideal. In order to get more, we highly suggest you investigate our assessments regarding the classic Shovel Dark-colored night-time , and also new timed-original Change Specter of Torment. It's almost everything you want from a MMO the best of this from it could be which the wall bot is built in ways that though it has tackle it is designed for nearly everybody! Until I get going my check out definitely what Trove Cheat Codes is in fact. the There are numerous various kinds of sessions from which to choose darkish night-time to Tomb Raider nearly every category is original and other the best of this is that you could promptly vary from you category to a new and levels all of them up. It gives the Arcanium Steamboat, the Arcanium Crawler Support , the Arcanium Discord Wings and also Orange Stop x2 which unlocks the Headcrab , a Crowbar trend and also a Mate Cube. As the remainder of Trion was hard-working taking care of Defiance or buying fired, some, focused club was having a good time with polygonial pixels. been able to get.

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ur-local-dads-blog · 5 years

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1 year with my lovebug

Today it has been one year with you, the love of my life. I have given you all of me and you in return are an endless pool of love. I love you so much. There is nothing inside of me that doesn't love you.

I love you with my eyes and with my hands.

I love you with my head and with my legs.

I love you with my arms and with my mouth.

I love you with my heart and my lungs.

I love you with my feet and my toes.

With everything in me with every part of me I love you. I have never doubted my feelings for you. No matter the circumstances. In the entire six years I have known you you have been nothing but sweet and kind and loving. You have been apart of my highest highs and helped me through my lowest lows. You're my sun and my moon and all my stars.

One of my favorite moments is when we Skype and you and I look messy so messy. And you look at me and tell me I'm beautiful I'm beautiful I'm beautiful. God you're beautiful.

You take my breath away. you give me my breath. you are my lungs. my heart my love. This distance will not shake my love for you its deep and rooted the deepest root of the tallest tree. the brightest star.

I just love being cheesy for you. Don't I have the most beautiful words.

Right now we are Skyping and you are sleepy but you won't listen to me you won't lay down. “what what what” you say “why are you looking at me like that”

I say I love you. what I don't say is its because you are the woman I'm going to marry. you are the most beautiful woman in the universe. If there is a god she has made us to fit perfectly together.

I don't say all the things I think when I look at you, because no amount of words I can say are good enough for you.

YOU ROCK MY WORLD YOU FUNKY LITTLE LESBIAN!!!!1!1

I love you Delaney. I love kicking your ass at bowling (except you got really good and actually kicked MY ass)

I love playing laser tag and making out and getting caught. I love talking about our future kids our future son. I love planning our future home. I love that your dad calls me lazy over my choice of a fridge. ( He's such a cute little man)

I love that we hurt so much but we still love so deeply for each other. I love that we have a movie list and we have tags for each other. I love that you just bought colored light bulbs and sent me like three selfies today.

long story short. I LOVE YOU.

god I'm so fucking gay

you turned me into a potty mouth

god I forgot to mention how hot you look in my clothes.

undeniably the most gorgeous woman I've ever met.

Im so proud of you

how strong you are. I know that this distance is hard. That me being so far away for work is hard. I promise that this will pay off. Im going to get us a beautiful home with a beautiful yard. It'll be amazing. You are the most amazing fiancee a woman could ever have and I am “HOPELESSLY hopelessly DEVOTED TO YOUUUUUU” (thats a song btw)

(thank you for letting me be your weirdo and thank you for trying to help me with math that one time senior year cuz I'm a dumbass I just thought I should personally thank you for that in this post for some reason)

baby I'm only ending this cuz we’re Skyping and I gotta get back to yo my baby

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jameskennedyfans · 6 years

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James Kennedy - In Defence of Conspiracy Theories

Originally posted on www.jameskennedystuff.com and shared by True Activist.

There is much snobbish dismissal of so called ‘conspiracy theories’ from the scientific, political, academic & journalistic community. I argue that conspiracy theories are a valid & necessary contribution to the discussion of certain events & deserve just as much credibility as those of the ‘experts’. I say this as someone who wholeheartedly subscribes to scientific methodology & sceptical thought as the best means of getting closest to the ‘truth’ of a subject – the need for solid evidence & rigorous testing being the process by which a ‘theory’ becomes an established fact (until proven otherwise). Another facet of that way of thinking is that the pursuit of truth must outweigh any emotional or personal attachment one might have for their ‘theory’ – if their beloved theory is proven to be undeniably incorrect, then the owner of that theory should gladfully dispense of it, in the pursuit of truth. Also, all theories should be treated (and tested) as equal. In light of these sceptical principles, I argue that many ‘conspiracy theories’ are perfectly in line with this spirit & that it is their rebuffers who are the ones adhering to a blind belief system. I can see no reason why a ‘conspiracy theory’ should not be treated with the same level of seriousness as any other theory. How arrogant it is of the self styled ‘know it all’s’ to guffaw & flippantly dismiss a ‘conspiracy theory’ as being absurd or impossible, just because it doesn’t fit their existing world view – that is totally out of step with the spirit of scepticism, scientific methodology, journalism & the pursuit of truth. I think that conspiracy theories bring a valid & defendable contribution to the debate & simply saying ‘oh what a bunch of crack pots’ whilst you smugly pat your ‘oh so clever’ self on the back, just shows not only an intellectual & sceptical flaw but also a questionable interest in the genuine pursuit of truth, no matter how uncomfortable that truth may be. Let us not forget that all ‘facts’ begin as theories & let us also not forget the countless great people throughout history that were once ridiculed (or tortured & killed) for promoting ideas that we all taken as granted today – such as the earth not being flat!

I think that when it comes to subjects such as 9/11 & JFK, for example, the conspiracy theorists & the mainstream academic/scientific & journalistic community are on an equal grounds for credibility because neither side really knows for SURE what actually happened – ALL parties are mere theorists on these subjects & the actual truth is only known by the people who were involved. And this is where the cracks in the fibre of the mainstream Scientific, academic & journalistic fields start to show – they end up falling back on ‘belief systems’ (the exact opposite of the values they profess to uphold), they start to utter things like ‘oh they never would have done that’ or ‘they never could have kept that a secret’ or ‘why would they want to do that’, ‘thats absurd’ etc etc. They can’t argue with the conspiracy research because much of it is actually more thorough than their own, so they have to just dismiss it as just being some kind of ‘youtube academia’ – as if that is a good enough response to questions they can’t answer. The reason they can’t argue with the research is because most of these subjects involve secrecy & when you don’t have full access to the tools of the experiment, you are only left with your own judgement in joining the dots as best you can – and this position is the same for BOTH sides of the debate. This is where pre-set belief systems rear their head & also a thing called ‘confirmation bias’ (where a person only see’s the things that confirm what they already think). If you believe that ‘they’re all bastards & are plotting against us’ then you’re only going to see the ‘facts’ that support that but also if you believe that ‘they never would have done that, there must be some other explanation’, you’re going to dismiss information that might be outside of your comfort zone. You might expect such things from layman journalism but not from professional, experienced researchers, scientists & academics. If they were able, like some kind of intellectual superman, to answer all of the ‘naive conspiracy buff’s’ questions with a definite & irrefutable explanation, then we’d all be able to join in the laughter at the preposterous notion of whatever ‘the conspiracy loons’ were saying. But they can’t, they merely laugh & say ‘oh, you’re so naive, how ridiculous, trot along little one’. I know that extreme claims require extreme evidence & it is in the hands of the theorist to bring supporting evidence – but many conspiracy theorists DO & their evidence & research has not actually be credibly refuted. I know it is difficult to disprove something when you don’t have access to all of the facts & again, in areas involving government secrecy etc, this is the main problem, but that is exactly my point, the conspiracy debunkers have no more ‘special inside information’ than anyone else, so they are merely drawing different ‘judgements’ from the scant info that IS available. Just dismissing the NOTION of a conspiracy, is simply just expressing a belief system & is not the same as responding to the questions on an academic level. Also, I am not saying that I necessarily ‘believe’ any of these conspiracy theories – it is not about belief – but as a sceptic, I give equal time to all opinions on a subject – rather than arrogantly dismissing those that don’t fit my existing world view. Those that do that are not seeking truth, they are seeking confirmation of what they already believe.

Sadly, until all of the information on a certain subject comes out, we will never know the absolute truth & I think it would be tasteful if all sides of the debates would exercise some humility in appreciating that. Was 911 an inside job? There are a ton of very legitimate questions about the official story of 911 & anyone that says otherwise is exercising extreme confirmation bias & being incredibly naive. However, there is also a ton of credible scientific data on the subject which rebuffs many conspiracy theorists’ claims. The truth is, neither side really knows. If you believe in the pursuit of actual TRUTH, regardless of how comfortable that truth makes you feel, you would give these questions a serious listen. One way to get to the truth of a subject is to have ALL of the information & when you’re dealing with secret societies (which do exist) for example, that is impossible by its very nature. The rest of us, conspiracy theorists, academics, scientists, etc are all just theorists in the same boat, joining up the available dots to form different pictures based on our pre-set beliefs. Only a few people really KNOW what the truth is – those who were involved. ALL of the rest of us should appreciate that we DONT really know & probably never will. So I think that the snobbery around conspiracies should know its place. I for one, read conspiracy literature alongside mainstream scientific & academic works & treat them with just as much credibility. Anyone claiming to have a genuine interest in the pursuit of truth, should do the same – or else you are merely expressing a brand of blind faith not too dis-similar to that of your religious counterparts. I think it shows a strength of intellect to appreciate that just maybe, we don’t actually know everything & that to exercise some humility with your views is healthy.

Having now ‘fought their corner’ though, I must say that ALL of the above also applies to my conspiracy buff friends who blindly follow their chosen messiah’s of truth & treat their conspiracy books like a bible – a ready made book of answers to all questions ever! All seekers of truth should seek out information that challenges their belief system, not confirm it.

#jameskennedy #kyshera #konic #conspiracy #theory #icke #infowars #government #politics #illuminati

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