#like i'm bi! and i think i always...KNEW that to a degree?

[heirloommtomatoes]

me when i was a cis lesbian saying that people who are bisexual and nonbinary are probably the pinnacle of human existence 🤝 me now being bisexual and nonbinary

#it's so weird changing your labels tho. why is that #like i'm bi! and i think i always...KNEW that to a degree? #me identifying as lesbian was wrapped up in a lot of things. the situationship i was in at the time lmao. me not being in a relationship #w a man or anything really for the first time in a long time and getting to think myself in a diff way. #and i don't love talking about it bc optically it just sounds like. okay so boohoo. LOL #but it's interesting on a personal level to like... #now i'm a person who looks v cis woman right. #and is in a relationship w a cis man #so it's like. i'm straight? optically. #and it's? idk it's odd but it's not? like *I* know how i feel about my sexuality and gender #but i'm like. am i still 'queer enough'? #OR ANYTHING* LOOOL I MEAN ANYONE**** i just noticed that oops #think about* myself #but the thing for me is this. #being treated like a straight woman? yuck sucks hate it #and i love my partner's family i really do! and i love my family! but it's so odd sort of being treated like i'm straight now #by ppl who aren't queer and aren't my partner lol he gets it #but i'm glad i typed this out bc i was paranoid i was like oh gdddd am i having another crisis #but this feels right. i just hate being treated like a straight woman when i'm neither of those things #and my PARTNER knows that #and it's not like i even want ppl to do anything differently really tbh! but all this talk of like. oh like so now you get married #and have kids. and i'm like. yeah i see that for myself w this person. but the way ppl talk about it i'm like..... #yuck! like yes that sounds lovely sure i would love to spend my life with a raise a family with this person! #but not as a straight woman! lol! and idk how to articulate it i really truly don't! hmm. #ellie yodels

[cienie-isengardu]

I feel like if Bi-Han didn't love Kuai or was abusive it would've been stated. It'd also bring into question why Kuai would care to avenge him if he was treating him like trash. It's not Bi-Han is the only person he cares for, Tomas is literally right there. Like Kuai was jumping through hoops for this man and unless Bi-Han was some master manipulator which doesn't fit Bi-Han's personality since Bi-Han makes it really apparent when he doesn't like someone.

Seriously this is the guy who told Quan Chi his plan was insane to his face and Bi-Han's social skills are kind of lacking. You cannot convince me this guy was some puppet master. I'm not saying Bi-Han is dumb but he's not this master manipulator intent of using his brother's emotions.

Also why would he even bother? Seriously Bi-Han's main priority is survival, why would he care to manipulate his brother if he didn't care for him given it's not like he benefits from Kuai being around.

Kuai Liang was introduced as the younger brother of Bi-Han in Mortal Kombat II (November 1993) and their brotherhood has been a vital part of lore for literally three decades now. After such a long time, I too think if alive Bi-Han was ever meant to be seen as the abusive or uncaring brother, the source would outright say so already. Instead Mortal Kombat gives us a conflict between younger Sub-Zero and Noob Saibot, the resurrected yet corrupted by the dark magic version of Bi-Han. A corruption acknowledged by Kuai Liang himself, like he did in Mortal Kombat Armaggeddon:

And even within that conflict between alive Kuai Liang and Wraith Bi-Han, Noob Saibot was not always written as the vile creature out there to kill or hurt his younger brother for fun, which can be especially seen in an alternative timeline[1].

Did Kuai Liang idolize his brother? Most likely yes, as Bi-Han was his closest family he had and with unnaturally advanced ice skills, the older brother rose through ranks to the point Grandmaster acknowledged him as the most cunning Lin Kuei assassins. However it is not like Kuai Liang was completely blind to human Bi-Han’s flaws - the degree may vary from one source to another, like between one of the oldest Mortal Kombat comics (“he was stubborn in many ways”) and Mortal Kombat Legends: Snow Blind (“The dreams. For a long time, I thought the worst thing that I could become was my brother. I was wrong.”). The closest example I can think of in which Kuai Liang outright calling original Sub-Zero to be evil comes from Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm TV animated series (1996) and even then it was said in context of serving the forces of Darkness, not if Bi-Han was abusive brother[2].

Yet within strictly game timelines, Kuai Liang may be angry at Noob Saibot, he may be disappointed by his brother’s (post mortem) choices but as far as I managed to check, he had never accused Noob Saibot of not loving him, or being uncaring or abusive when the man was alive. In contrast, Mortal Kombat 1 (2023) actually gives us Smoke’s accusation that MK1!Bi-Han was always cold to him and though this is not necessarily equal to being abusive, the game hints at an uneasy relationship between those two brothers. I don’t think original and alternative Kuai Liang has ever accused his Bi-Han of anything similar. Quite opposite actually, in MK11 Kuai Liang stated he thought (alive) Bi-Han shared the same values as him - while Noob Saibot noted that Kuai Liang always mimicked him. What may itself imply Kuai Liang's principles were inspired by elder brother.

The source material uses the word “corrupted” specifically to describe Noob Saibot, as to highlight that Noob is not the Bi-Han’s original self. Kuai Liang uses that word, and of all people he is the one that knew the best what kind of man Bi-Han was once. Otherwise I believe younger Sub-Zero would already remark that Bi-Han as an evil Wraith is no different from his human self and so far Kuai Liang did not say anything like that.

This is especially seen in Mortal Kombat 11 (2019) and Kuai Liang’s anger is understandable as Noob Saibot supported Kronika and Cyber Sektor that attacked and killed his clan members. However, as Sub-Zero’s ending shows, when he decided to study each second of Bi-Han’s life to understand what made his older brother the way he was, he tried to understand why Bi-Han’s embraced “Sektor’s corruption” and why "reveled in the vile power given to him by Quan Chi"

not why Bi-Han did not love him, or abused, or manipulated. Those have never been a matter of doubt, only the process of adapting into the darker side of Lin Kuei and life as Wraith . So once again, corruption by power - or even being a merciless assassin, does not necessarily mean Bi-Han was a bad brother. I know that for the majority of fandom one equals the other, however Kuai Liang has never accused Bi-Han of being on purpose cruel or uncaring toward him. If anything, the problem lies in the fact that Bi-Han embraced all the bad things that happened to him. Again, like the ending says, Kuai Liang needed to reshape Bi-Han's life (events) not Bi-Han’s whole character to get back the beloved brother he missed. So the problem did not lie in Bi-Han’s character itself, but in things that happened to him. 

And frankly, there is a lot to say about the fact that Bi-Han rarely speaks about honor in contrast to Kuai Liang, and how in general he is more aware of Lin Kuei’s dark deeds than his brother ever was. The original Sub-Zero seems to be much more disillusioned with how the world works and thus better at adapting to its cruelty. He even warned Kuai Liang in the past to never trust anyone, especially a family, and it is like the opposite act to manipulation. At the same time, Kuai Liang too was accused of having a “frozen heart”.

I think that ultimately it all comes down to what fans want - a tragedy about two brothers that by twist of cruel fate are destined to be enemies or story about a survivor of abuse/pathological system coming in terms of his trauma and realizing his brother was not a good man and building for himself a new, healthier life. Each story has a great potential on its own, however I personally feel that Mortal Kombat has never truly gone with the second scenario. Kuai Liang being blind to his brother and clan’s darkness may make sense when he does not have an outside relationship that made him rethink his own brotherhood with Bi-Han. Yet Kuai Liang, even a much older, experienced man still recognizes Noob as the corrupted version of Bi-Han, not the same man just with a different outfit. Despite all the bad blood between him and the Wraith, he has never truly abbadon hope to save his brother’s soul, so at least to me, it doesn’t sound like a man freeing himself from abuse and trauma by rejecting an evil family. 

And also, if we agree that Kuai Liang was either so indoctrinated by the clan or lacked any other support to recognize the abuse when it happened to him, then the same benefit of doubt should be given to Bi-Han, as he grew up in the same pathological environment. You can’t excuse one survivor of abuse and then condemn the other. The brothers dealt with their trauma in different ways but this is not good victim vs bad victim contest.

As for Bi-Han manipulating anyone... he was introduced in Mythologies: Sub-Zero as the most cunning Lin Kuei assassin and Noob Saibot was too hinted to be smart and biding his time while serving Shinnok, Quan Chi and Shao Kahn. So I believe he could be pretty cunning when needed. But yes, the man doesn't feel like a person bothering with manipulation for the fun of it. Sub-Zero, like all cryomancers in general(?), was a pretty straightforward man. Like I mentioned before, from source material it seems to me he rather kept warning Kuai Liang about not trusting anyone (and he did that as Noob Saibot too in MK11's intro dialogues) than playing on his younger brother’s loyalty. But to be honest, we don't have enough sources to say for sure how growing up in Lin Kuei looked for both.

SIDENOTES:

[1] Sadly, MK11 did not fully utilize the conflict between Redemption (Kuai Liang) vs. Recognition (Noob Saibot!Bi-Han) alluded by the official BIOs and intro dialogues. Frankly, the mentioned game barely did anything with their brotherhood in main story mode, however the intro dialogues paint an interesting take on brothers feelings toward each other, especially Noob’s one toward Kuai Liang, as they differ from original timeline Noob. Back then he was out there “free from compassion” [MK Deception]

and at least twice tried to murder his brother (attack on Lin Kuei/MK Armageddon and Noob-Smoke’s ending/MK Deception), while in the MK11’s intro dialogues for example, he does not side with Frost - who from story mode perspective was the logical ally, as she wanted to kill Kuai Liang. Instead Noob openly dislikes and disrespects her and even criticizes his brother for trusting her in the first place. Similar thing happens with Geras ordering Noob to bring Sub-Zero to Kronika and suddenly Noob goes with his standard “only death are my kin” 

Geras: Bring your brother to Kronika. Noob Saibot: The dead are my clan now. Geras: Do you serve or do you not? 

while he has no problem acknowledging his and Kuai Liang’s brotherhood. The intro dialogues in second timeline definitely played a different angle than Noob as Bi-Han completely stripped of his humanity. And again, sadly NRS did not dwell on it in the main story.

[2] Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm actually referred to events from the Mortal Kombat film (1995), in which Liu Kang killed Sub-Zero thanks to Kitana’s advice to use an element “that brings life”. Even the scene of original Sub-Zero’s death was similar to the one from the movie, minus of course the violence/impaling itself. Yet the film outright stated that Scorpion and Sub-Zero were slaves under Shang Tsung’s power, so in that case, “Bi-Han” wouldn’t be on Mortal Kombat Tournament on his own free will for all we know.  The full dialogue about MK:DotR!Kuai Liang’s reasons for joining the good guys side below:

Sub-Zero: It is true, I was once Lin Kuei  and fought for the forces of darkness. But that was long ago…Back when my brother was still alive…It has been many years now since Liu Kang faced my brother in Mortal Kombat. [...] Sonya: So, why’d ya turn on your clan anyway? Jax: Girl, your parents ever teach you the word "tact?" Sub-Zero: After his death, I realized that my own brother was innately evil and without honor… I could no longer fight for what my clan believed in…That was when I decided to help you. Jax: Then why the disappearing act? Sub-Zero: In spite of what I knew, I was too filled with hate to go on. So I sought seclusion to try and find inner peace. Sonya: I guess what we’re all wondering is…can you ever really forgive Liu Kang for icing your brother? Sub-Zero: What Liu Kang did, he did to save Earth. He fought with honor and great purpose.

It was cartoon intended for children so it is make sense that brutality and complexity was reduced to acceptable norms, however A) “Kuai Liang” still didn’t call “Bi-Han” and evil/abusive brother and needed time to sort out his feelings, including hate (for Liu Kang) and  and B) saying “Bi-Han” and in general Lin Kuei were evil was the easiest way to explain why he changed sides than saying anything else (this point is actually relevant to “Kuai Liang”’s feeling for Lin Kuei/Bi-Han seen in the second episode - he may consider them evil but he would fight Scorpion to avenge what he did to Lin Kuei and wondered if Liu Kang could beat “Bi-Han” without Kitana’s advice so his feelings definitely aren’t one dimensional. I think it is safe to assume he was still processing his emotions and relationship with Lin Kuei/"Bi-Han") 

I guess this cartoon may be one of the reasons why people tend to consider Bi-Han to be an evil brother while painting Smoke as the only one Kuai Liang's brother that should matter. Still, a source is a source, so I’m bringing it to the table. 

#mortal kombat #my replies #bi han #sub zero #kuai liang #bi han and kuai liang brotherhood #noob saibot #beside the mk defenders of the realm i don't think kuai liang went so far to openly call bi han an evil person? even the snow blind started #like that only to show us that kuai liang's trauma has nothing to do with bi han and only with his own pride that led to tragedy? #i truly think that after 30 years if bi han was meant to be abusive asshole the sources/Kuai Liang would say so already #noob saibot is corrupted version of bi han and kuai liang acknowledged that #yet there is no “oh yes this is my brother he died but overall he did not changed much when it comes to make my life miserable” #and i'm gonna trust kuai liang's words more than any fans headcanons lol

[mikiuu6]

♥︎‹ 𖤩 𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃 .

C: song lyrics (specially), no gender specification (i try), care, comfort, soft behavior, little praises. (maybe by bi-han and later by you) nothing explicit or sexual, at least for now. bi han (sub-zero) x reader. a/n: It's my first story, be kind if you're going to make a comment or request. ¡enjoy! > used song: me and my husband by mistki.

You really cared about him, there wasn't a moment where you didn't think about him because he forever was stay on your mind, ¿how could you help it? He was your husband, by pure instinct you couldn't stop thinking about his well-being even though he is the most stubborn man on the planet. Still, he and you so doing better than most couples, anyone would have given up on your situation but you still remain stable despite the conditions you currently find yourself in. "me and my husband do it better"

Bi han had attended with his brothers a "test" that they would perform on some boys whom you did not know at all, at least you would have liked to know but he had not told you anything about it because it was not an interesting fact or one that you should know, or that was his words. Even so, you couldn't help but feel stupid sitting in that bed that you both shared, you felt insignificant and a waste of oxygen.

You couldn't help but think that you would disappear, your memories, everything you had seen and experienced with your eyes, your body, everything with you. You leaned your back against the mattress, resting your body except for your mind, you still had that guilt that tormented you every time he went on a mission with his brothers, you also worried about them but not to the same degree you did with him. Your eyes point lost at the ceiling, your gaze does not reflect anything, not even the brilliance that characterized you, impossible to do so under these conditions.

──── "¿Where are you, bi-han?" you think aloud.

──── "Im here, dear." he's talk, you hadn't noticed when he arrived at the temple where you both stay.

──── "¡Bi-Han, are you ok!" you answer happy and you huggie him.

──── "Yes, ¿You worried for me? I have told you many times not to do it, i will always come back." scolds.

──── "Sorry.. i.. i can't.. You are my husband and me too i'ts logic my reaction for you and you brothers."

──── "I understand but i i'm a lin kuei, i'm take care of myself and others. Specialy for people i matter to me." He responds as he places one of his hands on your cheeks, caressing it a little with his thumb. You could feel how rough it was.

──── "O—Okay... please... never again you scary me for this stuff. C'mon, come with me..."

He doesn't respond but agrees to your request, releasing your face and separating himself from you as he follows you. The look he gave you a moment ago fades as he remembers how things the day for him and his brothers today, rubbing the wound he had made on his arm a little, he assumed you had noticed it but he wished you hadn't.

As they advanced, he began to feel down and sad as he began to think about why he was doing all this ¿Why follow Liu Kang? ¿What did he having for done or have he done to improve things? For him he had done absolutely nothing and it brought back memories of how his father behaved the same or worse for him.

He felt shocked with all this, but then he remembered you, he thought that thanks to you he hadn't given up. I knew that you and he do it better, you knew that every time he was present you felt like someone special and with value and you both knew that neither of you would have a painted face and you would be united to this life today and always, not even death would separate you two.

but now it's time to tend to the superficial wounds, then the emotional ones and finally give yourself a little rest. Sometimes even a grandmaster needs a break from daily stress next to someone.

"and that someone is you."

Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it and please let me know if you notice any errors. I hope you like my first story (maybe so it won't be the last)

#Youtube #bi han #reader #mortal kombat x reader #gender neutral reader #x reader #sub zero #mortal kombat #mk1 #music #oneshot #i love him #love #character x reader #character x you #character x y/n #y/n #x y/n #bi han x reader

[coupleoffanfics]

I'm thinking of having batsis y/n be borderline Yandere for Jeremiah. Not full-on or anything. Just loves him to a degree that it could arguably be called obsessive and unhealthy. She doesn't have many people in her social circle, but the few she does have (Barbara, Norah, and Jeremiah) she holds onto for dear life. She just holds on to Jeremiah a little tighter because they're in a romantic relationship.

She's into the idea of true love and there being someone fated for everyone, but doesn't believe it. Just likes the idea of it. Has thought of what their wedding would be like and thought of baby names after a few months of dating. Living a nice house far, far away from Gotham. Won't admit it though because she knows how its a bit weird.

(Pre-Spray) Any trouble in their relationship y/n is determined to fix it, but it's not like it ever happens often. She's so afraid of him leaving her because she did something wrong. Although her biggest fear is him leaving her for another woman. That he finally realized that there are infinitely better options than her. If that were to happen, I mean it wouldn't but still, y/n wouldn't do anything about it. Cry alone and reinforce the idea that everyone is better than her. 'He's moved on and he deserves happiness just like everyone else.' y/n thinks to herself eating a tub of ice alone in her apartment.

When Echo comes around y/n is internally screaming and also has bi/pan thoughts. y/n gets the reason for Echo and whatnot, but she can't help feeling insecure. Echo is smarter than her and probably doesn't have undiagnosed dyslexia like her. Echo is an excellent fighter who brings up an old insecurity she has when around the Batfamily. Echo is also just so much cooler as well while y/n freaks out about everything. Don't even bring up how hot Echo is. y/n lets out a frustrated sigh, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Echo is hot as fuck and I'd call her mommy if I wasn't with Miah." "I was just asking how your day was."

(Post-Spray) This is when the tables turn actually no. This is when the tables are flipped. y/n wants to still love Jeremiah so badly. She wants to be okay with what he's doing, but just can't. The cult, the death, the destruction is too much. She feels like she failed him. If only she went to the family sooner rather than later. If only she was stronger.

Now for the first time, she has to let go of someone. Not slowly, but rip them out of her heart and never let them back it. No matter how much she tries to stop loving him, she always seems to fall back. He burrowed himself into her heart a long time ago. She'll never stop loving him deep down, but she'll sure as hell try to hide that from the family. Can't handle the judgmental looks she'd get especially with Jeremiah looking a lot like the Joker.

BONUS

y/n snuggles into Jeremiah's side while sitting on the couch. A documentary is playing on the TV. She doesn't even know what it's about because she's thinking of the reasons why Echo is so much better than her in every conceivable. Her blond hair was neat while y/n's was a [hair color] mess. Everything about her was perfect, maybe even down to her blood type.

Bottling up isn't helping and y/n knew she'd have to talk about it with Jeremiah. As soon as the thought popped into her mind she opened her mouth. Knowing that she wouldn't have this impulsive courage later and end up bottling everything once more.

"Hey, honey. Darling, sugar, Miah, Jem, Jim, sweetheart, dreamboat, hot stuff, McSteamy-" Anytime she wants Jeremiah's attention she'll start calling him pet names off the top of her head. Every time it makes his ears turn red. "Did you just call me McSteamy?" y/n shrugs her shoulders, "Did you like it?" Without thinking about it he says no with a flat tone making her smile and lightly laugh.

"Okay, no McSteamy. I'll keep that in the bedroom."

"y/n!" She slightly tilts her head back to laugh at his reaction. He rolls his eyes trying to suppress a smirk. She isn't sure if she's laughing because she's nervous or finds his reaction that funny. Probably a mix of both. After her laughter dies down he asks, "What is it."

The smile on her face disappears. Her pointer finger starts twirling some of her hair and her cheeks are turning pink. It felt so embarrassing to say it out loud. Yet she took a breath and said, "I'm jealous of Echo." Jeremiah can not get a word in because y/n is listing off a hundred things now. Half of things aren't even related to Echo it's just y/n's insecurities. Once she's done she looks at him like her life is in his hands.

Jeremiah needs a moment because he has whiplash from the sudden mood shift. Collecting his thoughts he tells that there isn't anything to worry about. This doesn't ease y/n in the slightest as he watches her [eye color] eyes shift away from him. He can feel his face burning before he even says the sappiest thing in his life.

"Look, y/n, I...I really care about what we have. The whole time we've been together you've...you've made me really happy. Happier than I've been in a long time, maybe ever. Echo and I are strictly professional and I have no interest in her because you know why?" y/n looks at him to continue. "Because she isn't you." A big goofy smile appeared on her face. She bit down on her tongue to spot herself from giggling.

"Aw, thank you. I really needed to hear that and you make me unbelievably happy as well." Jeremiah isn't sure if y/n is being her expressive self or if he actually needs to express his feelings more. He kind assumed that she knew how he felt about their relationship. "Honestly, Echo has been making me have some gay thoughts, but glad that I have nothing to worry about it. I need to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."

Leaving Jeremiah with another case of whiplash.

#jeremiah x batsis reader #jeremiah valeska x reader #batsis reader idea

[matan4il]

Not to add to the debate, but well sorry I kind of am. But on your points about the donor storyline, my thing is yes, like they are unsympathetic as people asking for this. Not because they are straight, but because their logic is weird. They obviously have the money, and they don't really know Buck, (the whole nature vs. nurture thing). Would Buck be this Buck if there was no Daniel? He was the chosen one and raised as such without Maddie falling into her role? Plus, they act like vultures about the whole thing. The whole aspect of it is wrong. I would have preferred if it was even an old girl, Buck dated, who now has a wife. At least we could get bi hints.

But also it sort of runs against future storyline I would love for Buddie when they go Canon. I mean we all realize it is harder and will be more expensive when it is 2 gay men, that is just a fact. Of course I love the idea of them adopting but also I would kill for any scenario that involves, Maddies egg/Eddie's sperm, Bucks sperm/Eddie's sisters egg and someone carrying it. There are just all sorts of amazing possibilities we could get that tell the real story of gay men who want to be fathers and the financial cost but also the insecurities about being chosen if you try adopting.

Sorry for the ramble but I guess I was just stating for myself it is a watered down generic story that one day I pictured for real for Buddie.

Also, weirdly though, fun fact. I grew up in San Diego. Like 8 years ago, my best friend found out her dad fathered a kid no one knew about. But the weird thing was that when we were in high school, he worked at the stables we used to ride at. Like, we actually met him as just a guy!! I'm like, dude, you could have dated your brother lol!!! That's all I keep seeing is Bucks' future child meeting his bio child and kissing🤣😂🤣

Hi Nonnie, thank you for this ask!

Oh, you know what? Whether in the context of the sperm donor storyline or otherwise, I would actually REALLY love for an ex gf of Buck's to return and turn out to be married to a woman. It could be one of those potential storylines for Buck listening to her and maybe realizing a few things about himself and Eddie. ;)

I hear everything you say! I honestly don't mind which way Buddie would go about it, I just want the story shown of how a same sex gay couple goes about deciding on and fighting for their right to be parents. It's STILL not a given right in way too many places, and where it is, it requires SO MUCH, it's a story deserving of being told. And considering how much drama is involved in it, how many emotions, how much it can test a couple, but also bring them together and showing them fighting as one for a common goal, it actually does NOT makes sense to me that it's so underrepresented in media. Which makes me suspect that's due to a great degree to ignorance. And shouldn't we strive for queer rep to tear it down?

I think your penultimate paragraph summarizes perfectly a big part of how I feel about this storyline. Thank you for that!

(also, yikes about your friend's dad! That could not have been easy in any way whatsoever...)

Have a great day, lovely! As always, here's my ask tag! xoxox

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #edmundo diaz #evan buck buckley #911 #connor #connor is basically my tag for the sperm donation storyline #gay representation #ask #anon ask #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

[toburnup]

Bitch!!! (even more affectionate than before) I'm glad that my disorganized ramblings made you happy today. It's so funny, I also have ADHD and was poor while growing up. I was thinking long and hard *giggles* about the whole "how would it work?" with the class difference issues between Eddie and Steve, and to be honest, I think it totally would because Steve is at heart a good person. Even when he was an asshole at school he wasn't really an active bully, his problem was more of the "doing nothing to stop his bully friends", which is still pretty bad, but I think because of his upbringing he was his whole life concerned about how he was perceived. I think during the Ahoy! phase he came very close to reality like you said, he voiced a massive issue like it was not a big deal to someone he (at this point) considered inferior for being in a band. He said to Robin that his daddy was punishing him by forcing him to work (which is such a rich boy thing to say), but he also stated that he has no future, and he completely believes that, which is heartbreaking. He just doesn't know that in the 80's you could be almost anything without a degree, but all of the things he could be good at, are surely discarded as "not real careers" or not important work by his father. He could be a good counselor for troubled kids and so many other things... But getting back to the rich boy issue, I have some good friends that came from wealth, and when they are good at heart, the main issue is that they literally just don't know how other people live. One time a friend asked me if I liked a particular dress that much, and I said "Why do you think I like it so much?" he answered "you always wear the same thing" so I told him "I don't have money to buy more clothes" and he was stunned, like, the thought of someone not having money for clothes never graced his brain, and he immediately apologized. It is annoying to have to explain to grown-ass people the poor's way of life, but when they are good, just ignorant, it's worth it sometimes. Steve is willing to rectify his wrongdoings, always, which is a hard-to-find quality, he apologized to Dustin when he went too far with the teeth joke, he learned a special handshake with him (not related but sweet). He was going to apologize to Jonathan and bought him a new camera... (1/2)

omg. we're both rambling and i love it. i'm going to write out an answer for this one and then address ur second (THOUGHT PROVOKING) message after i take a nap.

i had such a similar thing with a coworker who asked me why i was always rotating the same outfits, and it's like ????? you think i just do this for fun? or one time, a friend said it was gross to rewear an item of clothing before washing it. i would literally run out of clothes so fast if i did that!! and laundromats are the fucking worst. anyway.

all of the things he could be good at, are surely discarded as "not real careers" or not important work by his father.

this makes sense, and there's also the gendered nature of it all - the things steve would probably be good at were probably jobs that were thought of to be for women (i mean this as a compliment to steve).

i do consider steve to have been an active bully in school, his interaction with jonathan is pretty much just that (keep in mind here that i grew up in a small, super white town and was bullied for being gay and ~of colour~ so i have a lot of fun baggage). his friends may have egged him on but ultimately he (the writers) went there. i think that scene would look very different if the writers knew they'd be keeping steve around. i write steve as a reformed bully (good at heart! dickhead in school), cause he was pretty much the ringleader there, but i know others write him differently and i enjoy reading other takes on his character.

with using a narrative lens of steve being bi, it definitely changes perspective because it comes off as steve projecting onto jonathan instead (which is the way i went in the 2nd chapter of we're bending and we're breaking) and makes their whole relationship more nuanced. which, ultimately, is a more interesting way to engage with the show (urgh sorry for meta talk).

cans open, worms... everywhere.

#bitch (affectionate) 💙 #u have ur own tag now #i'd call this character crit so i won't tag with his name but i do love steve i just have COMPLEX feelings about him too #viospeaks

[flamyangelwings]

The other reunion fic I won't be writing

This time featuring Uncle Drayden as a key player

As a note, This is post post-game. Pokédex is fully completed, but Arceus could only send people back, in time, and Dialga is too weak from everything that happened. The best Arceus could to was lay breadcrumbs for other people to find.

Arceus planted ideas in peoples minds to research this or that, or record these things, so that in Ingo and Dawn's present people could find out where they were and go get them.

-Drayden has to go to Sinnoh for some conference or something

--Think an bi-annual Gym Leaders conference that happens in a different region each year.

----This was another thing Arceus planted in someone's mind

-Since it's a Gym Leaders thing, Clay is there too, and offers to give a tour, having been to Sinnoh in the past since he has family there

--Regarding The Hat, I headcanon that's it's a family tradition to make that hat for each member as a rite of adulthood, often earned in the present through completing a Pokémon Journey.

---Lian earned his when he became Kleavor's Warden

-Clay is firmly told by his cousin/aunt/whatever to bring all the other Gym Leaders to their place for dinner one day.

--It's a big house.

-Clay is giving a tour of the house when Drayden freezes

--"Clay, what's this?"

---He's pointing to a very old photo hung on the wall, among several other photos of members of the family who've had large accomplishments

----Clay's photo is there too, obviously

---"Hm? Oh. So that's my...five? greats grandfather Lian. He was a warden for the Pearl Clan which meant-"

----Drayden cuts him off

---"No. THIS." Drayden presses his finger on the glass, everyone looks closer

----Clay: "What the hell?"

----Elesa: "What the HELL?!?"

----Iris: "WHAT. THE. FUCK!?"

-----Drayden: "Iris, language. but also yes."

-----Clay walks away shouting "HEY EL! YOU STILL HAVE THOSE SCANS OF GRANDPA LIAN'S JOURNAL THE MUSEUM SENT US?"

-----"YES? WHY??"

-----"WHERE?"

-----"WHY??????"

-----"I NEED THEM!"

-----"WHY?!?!"

-----"DRAYDEN'S MISSING NEPHEW IN IN THE PHOTO OF HIM AND THE OTHER WARDENS IS WHY, WHERE'S THE JOURNAL?!?"

-----"WHO'S WHAT IS WHERE?!"

------Five minutes later Clay's teenage relative-of-some-degree walks in, says "Here you go uncle Clay!" and hands him a stack of pages "I've bookmarked the pages you want."

--------The answer to 'where's a copy of the scanned pages' was 'in her room', she likes to read it and always knew this day would come.

---------She pays attention to the Unovan news since Clay lives there and so knew that Ingo of the Battle Subway was missing, and the nephew of one of Clay's fellow Gym Leaders

----------She was actually going to point this stuff out to him herself, but she knew based on the dates when to tell him so that the timelines would match up.

-Gym Leader research time!

--First bookmark is the part where Ingo [Just noted as a strange man with no memories] is found

---Followed by every other mention of him

----'Today a small space-time rift appeared in the middle of Jubilife village while the Clans and Galaxy Team were having a meeting. A small group of people came out of it. One of them was Lady Akari's mother. Lady Akari was so happy to see her that she burst into tears and practically tackled her to the ground in an embrace. Lady Johanna came with two men, one claims to be Warden Ingo's uncle, had an old copy of the photograph we took yesterday with him. He also had a photograph book of Warden Ingo growing up along with an identical boy. I'm going to be sad to see Warden Ingo go, but I don't think he'll be staying now that he remembers that the 'smiling man in white' he told me about all those weeks ago is his twin brother.' The other man in the group must be descended from me or a relative of mine, or at least kin with one, he's wearing the family hat, and that's likely how Warden Ingo's uncle got a copy of the photograph. It's my copy. Also, apparently Lady Akari really was sent to us for a reason. She calmed the Almighty Sinnoh Palkia and Dialga in her past, our future, and was sent back through time to us to calm them again.

-----Drayden: Okay then. So how are we getting to the past, and who is this 'Akari' girl's mother?

-The Unovan Gym Leaders are asking around at the conference to see if any of the Gym Leaders from other regions have ideas.

--They went to the library and museum and have scans and printouts all the information they could find on Warden Ingo and Akari

---It takes five seconds after one of the Sinnoh Gym Leaders hears the story and see a picture of Akari to call all the others over

----As well as Cynthia who was there as a guest speaker

-I headcanon in the Pokémon world, a person's next of kin can access their PC in case of emergency.

--It's supposed to be for like 'they have an Audino and we need a healing Pokémon NOW' sort of situations

---Also, your mom would leave you potions and stuff in your box in Gold and Silver, right? So like that.

--Anyway, Dawn's mom gets Dialga and Palkia out of her box and sends herself, Drayden and Clay back to Hisui

-Literal portal in space opens in front of Galaxy Hall

--EVERYONE IS ON ALERT

--Three people walk out

---Akari, quietly: "....I....think I know her...I-MOM?!"

----Akari literally dodges Captain Cyllene's hand trying to grab her and is swept off her feet in a hug by her mom

-----Cyllene's first thought was Danger.

------Then Akari started talking and her thoughts went 'Trap. Trap. STOP YOU FOOLISH GIRL!'

---Lian is staring at Clay's hat.

----Clay is staring at Lian staring at his hat

--Drayden is...blunt.

---He just says everything, shows their proof, and then

----Kamado and Drayden are having a staring contest.

-----Drayden knows perfectly well what Kamado did when the sky went red, Captain Cyllene's journal is in a museum and details it. He also understands why and can respect protecting your own.

---Meanwhile Ingo picked up the photo album and is looking through it

----"Emmet. How...How did I forget Emmet?"

-----Drayden loses the staring contest, but only because Ingo looks at him, says "Uncle?" and then faints.

-------Once Ingo comes to in the Galaxy Hall med bay, a week later, he has all his memories back.

---------Irida is there and is completely unsurprised, if a little saddened, at his request to relieve him of his duties as Sneaslers Warden

-Everyone goes home

--With a couple extinct Pokémon eggs

--All the Gym Leaders cheer when they come back out of the portal

---ALL of them, this became A Thing, since the Unova Gym Leaders were asking all the others, so there's like, 62 Gym Leaders, several members of different Elite Fours, and a few Champions/Ex Champions present

-Emmet is waiting at the dock for everyone's return. Elesa, Drayden, and Iris all messaged him separately to tell him to be there

--He's not sure why they were all so insistent, but he's there

---Before the boat even finishes docking someone is climbing over the rail, jumping off, landing on the dock and taking off at a run.

----Emmet has a split second to think about how that must be against Safety Protocol, before he realizes...

-----That's Ingo.

------That's Ingo.

--------"IN-" Emmet is cut off as Ingo crashes into him and they both fall onto the ground

-Once the boat is properly docked the Gym Leaders get off. The twins aren't saying anything, just clinging to each other.

And then later Drayden tells Emmet the whole story at home.

#Pokemon Legends Arceus Spoilers #Legends Arceus Spoilers #pokemon ingo #pokemon emmet #submas #uncle drayden #subway masters #gym leader drayden #subway bosses #My Ideas #Pokemon Legends Arceus

[romiyaro]

wordcount: around 2k (ik this was supposed to be a quick two shot but turned into a whole damned bottle. I... ahem... got carried away)

a/n: aged up Suna at your service :))

tw: explicit smut; implied f!reader; NSFW; oral (m!receiving); MINORS DNI

⬅️

Suna groans as the sunlight filters between the curtains. His hand instinctively goes to the other side of the bed, the side that you often laid on while you both were dating.

Empty...

His lips quirk up in a sardonic smile. 'What did I expect?' Memories of the previous night flashed in his head.

Flashback:

Suna swayed to the beat, following your rhythm but always just out of your sight. He made sure to always be behind you. Because he wasn't ready.

It had been a whole fifteen minutes of your both dancing like this and Suna was not ready yet.

Not ready for what? To disrupt your dance? To dampen your probably peaceful mood? Or maybe he was just a coward. Because he wasn't ready to show you this weak, vulnerable and such a pathetic side of him.

Stuck in his dilemma Suna didn't react fast enough to your 360-degree twirl. You gape at him as your twirl is cut short to 180 degrees, mouth open.

But that quickly changes. The devilish smirk creeping your face surprised him as your fingers grabbed his collar and brought him down to your lips.

The kiss tasted of vodka and you. Suna was reluctant, but when you refused to let go, he gave up fighting.

He kissed you back. Lips, teeth, tongue everything. He gave everything he had because he didn't want this moment to end.

"You took your time Rin." You slurred, hands grabbing onto his shoulders as his went to your waist.

"I'm sorry. I-" He breathed, internally grimacing at how shaky his voice came out. "I want you back."

"Hmm," you hummed, drunk, "You do. But you are late Rin." You smiled, tippy-toeing to reach his ear, "I don't do relationships anymore."

His heart broke. He did this to you. He broke you, didn't he?

Your eyes narrowed as you studied his eyes, "Are you perhaps pitying me, Ri- Suna? Because I want to thank you for opening my eyes."

"Wh-what?" His eyes widened. He hated how you addressed him. But more than that, he didn't want you to mean what he thought you meant.

You clarified, "Look around, Suna. How many eyes are on us..." His eyes darted around, noticing the hungry gazes of so many men and women.

"Tell me. With so many candies around me, why should I stick to the chocolate?"

Suna blurted, "Because chocolate is sticky."

"..."

"..."

"Ahahahaha," you burst out laughing. He never ceased to amuse you. "But the chocolate I had was particularly slippery..." You mumbled quietly looking down at the dance floor. You wanted to vacate the dance floor and get away from him already

"That's because you forgot to peel the wrapper first," his rebuttal was quick. "But now that it's off, I can show you just how sticky chocolate can get." He breathed beside your ear.

"Mmm..." You nodded, enjoying the moment but not letting the bliss get to you. You wouldn't hand your heart on a platter a second time. "You look hungry," you comment, gazing into his dark eyes. But you know you just dug your own grave. It's the alcohol you blame.

"I'm starving." He confesses.

"Sorry. I don't think I can do anything about it." You retreat.

He leans in to whisper, "Only you can do something about it."

There. Suna had cornered you again. It had always been like this when you dated. Suna Rintaro knew how to play his cards. And he played them damn well.

Your hands slide down to his chest, pushing subtly to create more space. But his arms pull you in by the waist, not leaving an inch of space between your bodies.

"Running away?" He mocked. His smirk was provocative but his heart was running miles per second. He was afraid you'd really try to run away from him. He knew he would.

Your eyes flared at the challenge, pushing palms slowly gripping his shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. "Bring it on, bitch."

And that's how you both ended up in his bedroom, clothes off and lights dim. Bokuto threw a ruckus but Atsumu managed to handle him. You knew you'd get an earful when you returned home. But tonight you didn't give a fuck. In fact, tonight you wanted to fuck.

"P-Please!" It was Suna's first time begging so pathetically as you licked a broad stripe along the vein beneath his shaft.

This is different. Suna felt it in your aggressiveness as you pushed him onto the bed and ripped his jeans off him. Or the way you were deep throating him right now.

It was clear that you had your share of practice after the breakup. And it made him boil with rage. But that was a talk for another day.

His hand came to pet your hair, but you slapped it away. He was defenseless against you. This was your night and you wouldn't let him disturb you.

You bobbed your head up and down, humming against his dick in your throat. Your gag reflex kicked in when his dick hit the back of your throat, clenching around him. His jaw fell slack with pleasure.

"Ahhh... Please! Please..." Pretty groans left his mouth encouraging you to speed up. You knew he was close and you aimed to finish him off first.

Suna was in a daze, head falling behind, elbows supporting his upper body. He knew he would finish soon. He wanted to stop you but he knew he wouldn't. He couldn't. Not after what he did to you.

And then, he came, hips bucking into your mouth, lodging his dick deep in your throat as he released ropes after ropes of load. You swallowed it all, finally releasing his dick with a pop.

Standing up from between his legs, you shove at his chest, making him fall back. You crawl over him, letting his eyes feast on your naked body. He's too blissed out is what you think, not hiding the admiration in your eyes. But Suna saw it clear as day. And he felt hope for himself. He'd never let this chance go even if he had to beg for it.

You dipped down, lips brushing past his to land on the column of his throat. Latching onto the prominent vein, you nibbled, licked, and sucked.

Suna's hands gripped onto your hips. You knew he wanted to go down on you. But tonight you were the captain. What you said goes. And you wanted to play.

You ground onto his limp dick. He twitched, coming back to life. Up above, your mouth left multiple marks on him.

Suna let you. You knew it. From the multiple nights you spent with him you knew there was no way topping him. But he was letting you play tonight. And play you will.

I wanna play...

That's the thought in your drunk mind as you sink down, taking him in. "Ngh..." you moan, as quiet as possible. The smirk on his face proves that he heard it. He lays down more comfortably, watching you take him to the hilt, his tip kissing your cervix. This cocky bastard, his hands flew to the back of his head, as if ready to watch a show.

'Oh I'll give you a show alright...' You smirk right back at him.

You get to work, rolling your hips deliciously. His smirk turns into a frown. Suna has to work hard not to cum already. The two weeks he went without you were hard. And now that you were here, he felt euphoric.

You felt it too. Felt how he was holding himself back from coming. And you wanted him to be the only one who came tonight. You wanted to make a statement. However stubborn and childish it was, you wanted to show him that you definitely didn't need him to feel good.

Instead, you were the one he needed.

So you clenched him tighter, pushing at his chest as you rose before heavily falling back on his cock.

You both moan at the feeling. You rise again, only to fall back on him. You are close too. But, fuck, you wouldn't come right now.

Telling your orgasm to fuck off, you go at it vigorously. Rolling your hips at quick intervals. The burn in your thighs is real but you refuse to come, or ask his help.

Suna's palms have the bedsheets clenched in a vice grip. He's dying to touch you, hold you.

But he's giving you space.

"Let me help you, baby doll."

You clench at the familiar nickname. But you grit your teeth. "No. Shut the fuck up."

He frowns, studying you cautiously. He notices the clench to your jaw, the knit to your eyebrow and his own furrows. His face sets into a scowl as he glares at you.

"That's enough, doll." He pushes your side, reversing your positions.

"We both come together, alright?"

"Nooo!" You cry as he pistons into you, the new friction bringing you dangerously close.

His palm fists your hair and he pulls your head back, giving him access to your throat. He leaves messy kisses and latches onto the same spot that you had chosen on him.

You cry, not bothering to cover your moans anymore. When Suna wants it, Suna gets it.

But you still attempt to throw him off you, body struggling against his strong arms that cage you to the bed.

Suna chuckles, "You couldn't be any cuter, doll. It's only been two weeks, did you already forget those nights?"

He must be referring to the punishment nights. But you can't think about them now. You might come undone if you do.

You moan at a particular thrust, core clenching around him so well that Suna groans into your neck.

Your hands are bound above your head by one strong hand. He thrusts two fingers of his other hand into your mouth. "Suck," he orders and you suck obediently.

His fingers leave your mouth and you almost whine, catching yourself on time. The very same fingers approach your clit, rubbing circles around the nub, teasing you.

His hips roll, massaging all the right spots. His fingers are playing with your stretched folds, nearing your clit but never touching directly.

His mouth is by your ear and he breathes, "Now we both come together, okay?"

You shake your head, vehemently denying the orgasm he promises. Suna grunts, stilling himself inside you. His thumb presses squarely onto your clit.

And your body arches off the bed. You are coming. And you clench impossibly tighter. "Nooo!" You scream as Suna moves again, groaning.

Your body convulses. And Suna is groaning as he speeds up. And soon enough, he's coming too. Inside you.

Suna rides out your orgasm. Flopping over you as you try to push him off.

"Hmm... Not bad. Next time, we should time it better."

The night is a blur as your sweaty bodies move, all convictions and priorities forgotten. It is, predictably, you beneath him most of the time. But when you do ride him, he's quick to remind you who is in control.

The last you remember is falling into his arms, drained. "Sleep, baby. We finally timed it right." That's all it took for you to give up to the darkness.

Suna sits up, everything flowing back to him. He still has a chance. You still have feelings for him. He just has to play his cards right.

You Uber your way back home, body hidden in Suna's obnoxiously huge hoodie and your jeans you found lying around. His mask hides your worried expression.

You are shaking your head, planning a getaway because you need to get away from here. Quick. You don't know what made you think challenging Suna Rintaro was a good idea. But last night was bad news.

Last night, he showed you quite thoroughly how much control he still had over you. He wanted to get back with you. And in no way were you convinced to get back with him. Not after what he did to you. And definitely not after last night. So running away it is.

Or that's what you think.

The end.

Tagging: @porcupines-n-sharkteeth @cookieempress2

#if it aint a rogue #suna rintaro smut #tw.smut #tw.alcohol #tw.nsfw #suna rintaro x reader #suna x reader #suna x you #rintaro x reader #rintaro x you #suna smut #haikyuu smut #playboy angst #rogue series

[brostateexam]

Could you tell us more about your bfs?

Ok first of all, I love that one of you made an alt to ask me this question cause I have anon turned off. Or alternatively, that an anon was like "I'm invested enough to make a blog for this one." Either way, I find the attention very flattering, so thank you!

Shane and I have been together for three years and three months now, and have lived together for three years. We met through tumblr, which is embarrassing but true. Sometimes you're gay and your mutual is bi and lives nearby and you become buddies, then friends, then confidantes, then boyfriends. Because we were so close, I felt okay with having him move in soon after dating -- it felt like the right thing, even though at the time I was terrified it would be a mistake.

Since Shane is on tumblr, he will read this eventually, but it's basically Valentine's Day, so I'm fine with publicly declaring that I love this man, and expounding on some of the things I love about him. Shane is one of the kindest people I have ever met. He does not talk quickly, but what he has to say is unfailingly supportive of his friends and loved ones. He is automatically in your corner, ride or die, no matter what the decision is. He inspires me, every day, to be more patient, more understanding, more gentle, and more kind.

In addition to being sweet, he is hard-working, and goes about goals that many would find impossible with impressive tenacity. When he moved to San Francisco, he knew he had to land a job and I told him I needed him to make friends outside of my friend group, because I think it's important to have one's own friends. Within a month, he was working two part-time jobs and had connected with a non-profit volunteering to raise money to help homeless HIV+ folks to afford treatment, care, and housing. Through this non-profit, he made tons of friends, and regularly goes to brunch or on picnics or trips to Palm Springs with them.

At this point, he's back in school to finish up his bachelor's degree, which is he doing while working part-time, going to the gym five times per week, being a great boyfriend, a caring son, and a wonderful friend. I am impressed by him every day, and humbled that he has chosen to share his life with me.

Tristan and I met, also online, in November. On discord, actually, and even before I knew his real name, I found him fascinating. Something in me said "you need to get to know this guy. He's going to be important to you." So we ended up talking every day since, sometimes just for a little bit, sometimes for hours.

I am impressed by Tristan's intelligence and level-headedness. It's hard to explain, as well, but we just have a lot of stuff in common. Similar sense of humor, similar interests, similar opinions in video games, even. That never happens to me. As a for instance, today I asked him if he'd be interested in helping me restore furniture, because that's been something I've always wanted to do, and he's very good at repairing stuff. It turns out that his mom ran a stay-at-home business doing that and he helped her with it, so he knows all about it, and loves doing it. Something like this happens between me and him almost every day.

He's funny, an endearing combination of confident and sweet, and kind of woke me up mentally. Seeing him work so hard to get after what I wanted made me realize that I'd allowed the pandemic to stall me out from going after what I want. So beyond just pursuing him, I've been pursuing my interests and dreams again, and I'm a lot happier for it. It helps that he's been nothing but encouraging of these endeavors, as well.

Also, I find them both just like unbelievably attractive. So yeah! I hope that answers your question, Mx Sideblog. Feel free to leave follow-ups if you wish :)

[ghostlynimbus00]

More about Andy from the Older Brother AU I'm working on

- I'm thinking he's around 4-5 years older than Steve. Enough of an age difference that they haven't been to the same school since elementary but close enough that plenty of people who knew Andy in high school were still there when Steve started.

- Andy was not as popular in high school as Steve was, and he didn't really have any people he considered himself really good friends with, but he was decently well liked by a lot of people (it helped that he was the guy to go to if you wanted someone to write your papers for you or score booze for a party).

- Andy is in college.

- The part where he meets Billy for the first time happens when he's home for winter break (idk what its like at other colleges, the one i went to we had like, a month and a half to two months off for winter break idk why but it was basically the same length as our summer break and thats what im imagining he has in this AU)

- He's most of the way through like, a business degree or something. He has no interest in it, but it's what his dad wanted him to do, he's good at it, and its not like he has a passion to follow to somewhere else so he just went along with it.

-He gets decent grades. Not the best, but still good.

-To Steve it seems like Andy is effortlessly good at everything, especially school stuff, and that he's a little lazy and uncaring because its always been so easy for him. Steve is sure that if Andy just tried harder he could get perfect grades.

- The above is what Steve (and probably lots of people) believe, but it isn't entirely true. Andy's mental health is pretty consistently hanging by a thread and more often then not that thread is denial.

- Andy downplays a lot of his issues bc "oh haha i didn't get that done because I was playing videogames all night, whoops silly me I'll make it up now." isn't as scary to deal with as "I wanted to get that done but I literally could not make myself do it, no matter how hard I tried."

- Andy really envies Steve's ability to connect with people and build strong relationships with them. Andy's best/closest relationship is with Steve and its not actually all that great and he knows its definitely not Steve who made it get that way

- That's why he's like... really determined this break to try and connect with Steve and rebuild their relationship.

- Steve doesn't trust the sudden changes Andy's trying to push because he doesn't understand where Andy's coming from or what his motivations are. Andy's false-enthusiasm initially makes things worse between them.

- Some of the resentment that's built up between them is because of the way their parents are always comparing them. ("Steve, Andy sleeps through half his classes and still manages to get better grades than this." "Andy, stop being weird, we're in public. Steve knew how to behave better when he was half your age." stuff like that.)

- Maybe the reason Billy initially felt comfortable going ahead and flirting with Andy was because he saw that Andy had like a Bi Pride button or keychain or something. Andy explains he got it while away at college and that it's a present for his brother/meant to be in support of him idk.

#pre harringrove #steve harrington #andy harrington #billy hargrove #idk if im going to specifically identify what issues Steve and Andy have #because neither of them have ever been diagnosed #but idk im thinking dyslexic steve and adhd andy? #maybe some more stuff too #but something along those lines #possibly autistic andy but i have a hard time identifying those kinds of traits bc of reasons #older brother au #long post #im done for tonight #hopefully

[iamwestiec]

June 17: Chengxian 💜🖤💕

childhood friends to lovers/QPPs, ace Jiang Cheng, bi & aro Wei Wuxian, modern AU

(A/N: If you're wondering about a certain other someone, he will have a wonderful, full life of his own in Suzhou in this AU but is not in this story. 💙 There are some brief mentions of offscreen ace-antagonism, not by anyone we know.)

Read on ao3

Jiang Cheng had been Wei Ying's best friend in the whole world for his entire life.

Okay. Well, not quite his entire life, but certainly since Wei Ying’s parents moved to California when he was little little, which was about as far back as Wei Ying could remember anyway. Wei Ying’s baba and Jiang Cheng’s baba had grown up in Wuhan together and been best friends when they were kids, so naturally, when Wei Ying’s family moved into the same neighborhood as the Jiangs, it made perfect sense for Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng to become best friends too.

It was Jiang Cheng who had taught Wei Ying that he didn't have to be afraid of dogs, by introducing him to Princess, Jasmine, and Lil' Love. Lil' Love lived up to her name, coming and quietly sitting in all her fluffy glory on Wei Ying’s lap every time he went over to play.

It was also Jiang Cheng who Wei Ying got drunk with for the first time. They snuck booze from the cabinet where Wei Ying’s parents kept it and laughed at the faces each other made with every shot until they stopped tasting the harsh burn, and then laughing more just because.

(Wei Ying’s mom had not laughed, not at the time, when the two teens had been sick as anything the next morning, but instead made them a gloriously greasy late breakfast and gave them lots of advice about proper hydration.

Then she told Jiang Cheng’s mom and let her scold them.)

It was Jiang Cheng who came out first, their first semester in college, when he told Wei Ying he didn't think he wanted to have sex with anyone, ever, and asked if Wei Ying thought that meant no one would ever want to date him. Wei Ying hugged him tight and told him he didn't know about everyone out there, but he knew Jiang Cheng was the best guy in the world and would be an awesome boyfriend, and he'd fight anyone who said differently.

Jiang Cheng found a group on campus for third culture LBGT kids, and Wei Ying went with him, as a supportive ally.

Which was how Wei Ying figured out that he was not just a supportive ally.

In listening to the others talk about orientation and identity and attraction and cultural expectations, Wei Ying realized that what he'd always assumed was normal—finding all kinds of people physically attractive, regardless of their gender—was actually his bisexuality. So that was kind of cool.

"So yeah, now we can be queer together!" Wei Ying said, when he excitedly shared his newfound realization with Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng snorted. "Yeah, 'all' and 'nothing,'" he joked.

It was Jiang Cheng who'd helped him practice what to say to his parents when he wanted to change his major at the end of sophomore year, and Jiang Cheng who reminded him to eat and sleep and "take a fucking break, Wei Ying," those next couple semesters when he took way too many hours so he wouldn't have to rack up a whole extra year's worth of student loans to finish his new degree plan.

It was Jiang Cheng who graduated first, on a gorgeous blue-skyed sunny day in May, and Jiang Cheng who suggested Wei Ying keep living with him at his new apartment, so he wouldn't have to try to find a one-semester lease until he finished in December.

(They renewed the lease together every time.)

Jiang Cheng ribbed him playfully each time Wei Ying met someone new, but he was always there each times things fizzled out after a few months for reasons that never quite made sense to Wei Ying.

Jiang Cheng occasionally dated too, and Wei Ying was glad he never did have to fight anybody—though he did drive Jiang Cheng to the emergency room the time he came home with split knuckles from punching a guy who, "seemed to think I didn't know my own mind about certain things."

But dating sucked for everybody, right? It wasn't like Wei Ying or Jiang Cheng were in any hurry to settle down and do the whole spouse and kids thing or whatever. Wei Ying tried to imagine it and just... couldn't, though the image of Jiang Cheng with a baby was admittedly pretty cute.

~

It was not Jiang Cheng, but Jiang Yanli, a few months after she proposed to her girlfriend and they started planning their wedding, who Wei Ying finally asked, "Yanli-jie, how does a person decide someone else is their person?"

Jiang Yanli looked across the room to where Jiang Cheng was showing her soon-to-be-wife how to put side spin on a billiards ball and smiled. "I think you just know," she said. "You meet someone and you get to know them, spend time together, then one day you realize you love them and want to build the rest of your life with them."

Wei Ying wrinkled his nose. "I dunno if it works that way for me. Just some random person? I've never met anyone I can imagine wanting to live with all the time. Well, besides—huh..." he cut off suddenly and darted a look over at Jiang Yanli, who just calmly sipped her drink.

"Have you ever told him that?" she asked, after a moment where Wei Ying reassessed his entire life and dating history. "I think he might appreciate hearing it."

"I... huh. Yanli-jie, you're kinda blowing my mind here," he complained.

"I gathered," she said wryly, before fixing him with a smile that made all the hair on the back of his neck stand up. "Of course, I trust," she told him, "that I do not need to explain to you of all people how very dearly I hold my didi's happiness and well-being."

He swallowed and raised three fingers in the salute he'd used ever since the summer that—hah—he and Jiang Cheng had decided as kids that they would make their own oath of brotherhood like the heroes of their favorite show. "I, Wei Ying, swear to you that I would kick my own ass before I did anything to hurt him."

Jiang Yanli leaned over to knock her shoulder against his and nodded. "That's what I thought."

~

Turned out, dating Jiang Cheng didn't suck at all.

It felt easy in a way Wei Ying’s past dates never had, less like trying to keep up with a game whose rules everybody knew except him, more like... well, like spending time with his best friend in the whole world, but on purpose. There was also a tension in the back of Wei Ying’s mind that seemed to have lifted, though he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was that had gone.

It was Jiang Cheng who helped him figure it out.

"I think it's that now I'm able to count on this. On us," he said, when Wei Ying brought it up. "Before, whenever you went out with someone new, I wondered if this would be the time you'd find someone to fall in love with and leave me behind."

"Aww, Chengcheng! I would never!"

Jiang Cheng huffed and rolled his eyes, but his cheeks were pink. "Well, I know that now," he said, a pleased little smile breaking through his attempts at a scowl.

"As long as you're sure—" Wei Ying began, still getting used to thinking about himself with the word "aromantic." Still a so very sure that Jiang Cheng deserved to be fallen in love with.

"Hey!" Jiang Cheng cut him off. "None of that. I know you. And I know you don't see it this way, but I personally think it's pretty damn romantic that you choose to love me, on purpose."

"I simply have exquisite taste in life partners," Wei Ying sniffed, embarassed the way he always got when Jiang Cheng declared something he'd done "romantic."

"You do," Jiang Cheng agreed. "Someone told me a long time ago I was the best guy in the world and would make an awesome boyfriend, and that he would fight anyone who said differently."

Wei Ying laughed. "That's you and your sister I've promised to kick my own ass if I ever break your heart, then. Guess I'll just have to keep you forever."

"Damn right, you will," Jiang Cheng agreed, grinning smug and happy and breathtakingly beautiful. Wei Ying leaned across the couch to give him a sweet, closed-mouth kiss—the kind Jiang Cheng had shyly admitted he actually did like, a lot—and smiled too, at how lucky he'd gotten to be with his best friend in the whole world for his entire life.

🖤💜

Today's (extremely long!) thread was inspired by this WONDERFUL art of ace Jiang Cheng and bi & aro Wei Ying! Go give Midori some love on Twitter!

I spent a nonzero amount of time googling to double check when various terms and flags came into vogue, so if you're wondering, WWX & JC were in college in the early 2000s, before the ace and aro flags were designed. By the time they get themselves figured out, they can get their cute wristbands.

...which, yes, means these dingdongs spent about a solid decade living together before realizing that was what they wanted to do forever. 😉

This also means Jiang Yanli and her unnamed wife here are getting married between when California started recognizing same-sex marriages in 2008 and the Obergefell v. Hodges ruling in 2015! THIS SHIT'S RECENT!!!

Happy Pride, thank you for reading, check out more LGBTQIA+ sweetness on my #PrideMonthSnippets Masterpost!

#PrideMonthSnippets #chengxian #westie writes #mdzs #the untamed #asexual pride #aromantic pride #asexual jiang cheng #bisexual wei wuxian #aromantic wei wuxian #queerplatonic relationship #queer relationships #love has a lot of shapes

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: what did you do that for Amelia: What? Jac: the presents Amelia: I had to go 🎁🛍 for my parents and it took like 10 minutes Jac: you went to three different shops, at least Amelia: yeah because what else was I going to do before they picked me back up Jac: study for your theory Jac: be one Amelia: 🥱 Jac: I ain't got you nothing Amelia: I don't want anything Jac: then that's a present in itself, I guess Amelia: yeah, you getting another from me by taking the out you were just given Jac: it was already 3-1 do you really have to add to your score Amelia: Always Jac: 🙄 Jac: were you invited then Amelia: to? Jac: Is' party Amelia: Yeah Amelia: but I don't know if it was by Is or her mum Amelia: or if we're talked enough that she'd really want me there Jac: yeah Jac: interesting choice, on her part Amelia: If I get there and her mum engineered it or it's obvious Is doesn't want me around I'll just give her the 🎁 and go Jac: you're going? Amelia: I have the 💌 I think I have to Jac: unlucky then Amelia: don't worry, I won't insist that you're my date Amelia: as a favour Jac: to her, so that's not another gift to me Amelia: it definitely is Amelia: you don't want to go Jac: wasn't invited Jac: but I do have somewhere better to be, which is unlucky for you Amelia: I'm not inviting you or mourning the loss of not having you with me Jac: well I was going to invite you to a party that wouldn't be sad as shit Jac: but if that's how you feel then alright Amelia: no you weren't Jac: Why would I say I was if I weren't, weirdo Jac: you know those really cool twins in 6th, Nat and Vee? Amelia: because I've already said I have to go to Is' and I don't really want to and you want to make me feel even worse Amelia: here's what I could've won Jac: Rude Jac: At Christmas, you have to tell the truth Jac: I thought you might wanna come and stare at them Jac: that's all Amelia: my parents literally lied to me about 🎅 for 8 years so no, you don't Amelia: and I don't know who you mean Jac: you can't lie about myths Jac: he could be real, they can't confirm nor deny Jac: anyway, yes you do Jac: Vee especially is pretty gay looking, she's Bi, I think Jac: [sends her these gals pictures] Amelia: if there's mistletoe I'll come Amelia: after I've been to Is' Jac: they throw really good parties, so I've been informed Jac: don't waste too much time then Amelia: okay Jac: I knew you'd like her Amelia: you sound like a really creepy mastermind in a lair Jac: I do live below ground now so Amelia: you can be mole, I'll be rat Jac: I suppose you've just been as insulting to yourself Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'd have bought you that 📖 too but I know you've already read it Jac: It's good to have as many classics under your belt as possible Amelia: How did you know I'd like her? Jac: I've got eyes, don't need to be a huge gay Amelia: you just need to be hugely 🥴 Jac: Nah, I fucked their brother Amelia: I meant to 'like' anyone, I don't want or need to know that Jac: 🤷 Amelia: I'm serious Jac: Alright whatever Jac: and it's not true anyway, if it was I wouldn't be in this fucking mess would I Amelia: what mess? Amelia: you're going to need to be more specific Jac: ha ha Jac: if I only liked people when I was wasted, literally would not be here having this conversation Amelia: you're having this conversation because you can't bring yourself to say thanks for the gifts, Amelia Jac: If you expected a thank you, you wouldn't have given them to me Jac: if Sav was still here, this wouldn't be happening at all, is the point Amelia: we're dancing around it, that's okay, I'm a good dancer Jac: you aren't that good, humblebrag Amelia: at Christmas, you have to tell the truth, supposedly Jac: what, your ego is big but not big enough to deal? 😏 Amelia: giving me a compliment won't cause you to immediately wither and die, I'm sorry Jac: Precisely why I'd never bother, my dear Amelia: you've done enough anyway Jac: have I Amelia: I'll get loads at the parties Jac: cocky Amelia: I'm thinking they can't all be unwanted ones, naïve or optimistic if anything Jac: probably Jac: least you won't have to help Isabelle blow out her candles Amelia: if her mum made the cake they'll probably be lopsided and a 🔥 hazard Jac: true Jac: they usually tasted pretty good though Amelia: true Amelia: I'll stay for some Jac: don't offer to get me a party bag then Amelia: I'll just do it, whether you say you want one or not Jac: gift giving is your top love language, I get it Amelia: I just know you, that's all Jac: you know that I'm fat, is it Amelia: oh please Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment that easily or obviously Jac: I'm probably not in the mood to work for it Amelia: 🤷 Jac: 🥱 Amelia: if you've got something better to do, go do it Jac: getting ready for the party, aren't I Jac: avoiding my family Amelia: right Jac: everything's always an ulterior motive with you Amelia: no it's not Jac: why can't we just have a conversation then Jac: we've done worse Amelia: because you're not in the mood evidently Jac: you're the one that's got fuck all to say Amelia: everything's always my fault with you Jac: I'm bored and you're doing nothing about it Amelia: that isn't my first priority Jac: then I'll find someone who's it is Amelia: okay Jac: 👏 Amelia: Sav's not here, remember Jac: don't bother coming to this party Jac: and if you show anyway, don't bother coming to find me Amelia: It wasn't about you, it's about the hosts Jac: I invited you, not them Amelia: and now you've uninvited me so same difference Jac: doesn't magically mean you're wanted Jac: I'm not gonna just turn up at Isabelle's house Amelia: I'm used to the feeling by now, so again, it's not going to bother me Jac: you're all being extra infuriating today Jac: jesus christ Amelia: yeah well Amelia: I don't know what to say to Is or to do Jac: you can't do anything Jac: but she's literally the most forgiving person to doormat degrees Jac: you'll barely have to say anything and she'll happy cry Amelia: Please come Jac: She won't wanna see me Amelia: re-read what you wrote before that Jac: it's different Jac: I'm not going to make her be my friend and forgive me, just because I know she would Jac: you didn't do anything wrong, really Amelia: I walked away, that's worse than anything you did Jac: it really isn't Jac: I'm too drunk now even if Jac: I'd only be a bitch by accident if not on purpose Amelia: at least wait for me then Amelia: we can go to the other party together Jac: Jesses got a show tonight Amelia: I know, I was invited to that too Amelia: everyone is Jac: not me Jac: I can't be here when they're leaving or everyone will try to force me and I'll die Jac: Jude is bad enough Amelia: Go to my 🏠 no ones there Jac: where are your parents Amelia: some dinner party thing Jac: alright Jac: thanks Amelia: I'll be back to get you after Is' Amelia: and my parents won't get back until we've left Jac: I can be gone before you, I just don't want to be here Jac: and Jude owes you her life so you can cash that in whenever you want Amelia: I don't want you to go without me or before me Jac: as long as it's for the right reasons Amelia: what are they? Jac: you know Jac: I'm just saying, if you're just saying that because you think I need to be on suicide watch or something too then I'll just have to hit you instead Amelia: I'm saying it because nobody shows up to cool parties early Jac: okay Jac: I'll wait Amelia: if you go through my 🎨 I'll be the one hitting you Jac: you shouldn't have said that Jac: but alright Jac: your parents are going to think I'm robbing you if they come back Jac: your mum better not get one of her famous migraines Amelia: I'm in danger of that if anyone is, don't worry Amelia: and it's clients of my dad's so she can't Amelia: he needs the 💸 Jac: take a nurofen and shut the fuck up 🐠 Jac: gotcha Amelia: 😂 Amelia: it's beyond unfair that she pretends to get them and I actually do Jac: it's because you're gay Jac: [that article 'cos it's true lmao] Amelia: oh my god Jac: actual proof of punishment from god or something else, you decide 🤔 Amelia: shhh Jac: oh, I'm sorry, is it your head Jac: I'll be quiet Amelia: no exorcist-ish apologies tonight will do fine Amelia: the dark room is being supplied Jac: at least you got one Jac: Jess is probably still waiting Amelia: he can hold his breath for a really long time 🏊🏼 Jac: helps with the singing Amelia: the show'll be online right? Amelia: I totally want to see it Jac: no doubt Jac: everything is Amelia: yeah, I figured Amelia: does that girl who's like obsessed with him still help him edit or did he finally pick up on her weirdness? Jac: I think she's still around Jac: I don't really ask Amelia: she's intense Jac: I hadn't really noticed but yeah Jac: I guess she is Amelia: maybe that's because I'm gay too Amelia: I could solve crimes Jac: no because it's only 'cos I was so into Sav that I don't know anything about it Amelia: that makes sense, I was so into you that I know too much about it Jac: that's not about me Jac: sounds like part-timer energy tbh Amelia: he's your brother Amelia: in your ⚪ Jac: if you say so Jac: maybe you're obsessed with him and you want rid of the competition Amelia: 🤢 Amelia: I'd more likely be obsessed with her and he's the competition so no because he's still living if not breathing while he holds his breath Jac: well I'm not even sure she exists now Jac: this is all some fantasy in your 🧠 Amelia: 👻 editor! Jac: ha 🤓 Amelia: 😎 Jac: yeah, I'll forward that to Vee, you'll be so in Amelia: you can't because I already wanna die Amelia: I'm so underdressed for this Amelia: everyone's 👗 Jac: what are you wearing, excuse the creep line Amelia: 😏 Amelia: but literally 👖 Jac: oh Amelia Jac: I've got more on to come sit at yours alone Amelia: it's because I'm gay, isn't it? 😕 Jac: yes but you always have been Jac: I doubt Is was expecting you to put on a party frock Amelia: she did say she liked my birthday one and that does haunt me Jac: well I think she was in a state of shock Jac: for good reason, as we all were Jac: myself not included, of course Amelia: 👧🏻 Amelia: thanks to my mum for everything Jac: cold ears for christmas Amelia: ear muffs gay or beanie gay? a fun quiz Jac: you want to be beanie but you're ear muffs Amelia: true Amelia: you're oversized scarf Jac: blanket but make it fashion Jac: duh Amelia: 🤗 Jac: Is is those massive felt hats everyone wears in Autumn Amelia: that's so accurate Jac: I know Jac: it's what I'm going to use my Psychology degree for Amelia: 😉 Amelia: what else is all that debt good for Jac: builds character Amelia: her 👗 is great though Amelia: I wouldn't but she won't be devastated that she did Jac: yeah? Amelia: Yeah Amelia: unlike me she doesn't seem to be having a really shit time Jac: has she talked to you? Amelia: not yet Jac: that's rude Amelia: Obviously she's said hi and thanked me for coming but I assumed that isn't what you meant Amelia: do you think I should leave? Jac: who's there Jac: is Kiersten with the braces Amelia: how did you guess? Jac: 'cos she's wanted to be mates with Is for ages but she thinks I'm stuck up Amelia: THAT'S rude Jac: she probably heard me and Savannah talking about her in Chemistry Jac: so she's got grounds Jac: who else, Gemma with the frizzy hair, Paige who told on you that time and got you your first detention... Amelia: Okay, before I tip this drink subtly over her, what did you say? Amelia: yeah and yeah Jac: it would've been Sav she overheard Jac: I'm quiet Amelia: and she's 📢👄 Amelia: sound probably really carries in Sligo Jac: I think she's got a boyfriend already Amelia: of course she will have Amelia: what else is she going to do at Catholic school when she isn't doing homework Jac: don't Amelia: I'm sorry Amelia: it's this, being here, I shouldn't have Jac: I don't think you can just leave though Jac: she probably doesn't want to talk talk like right now and ruin her party Jac: at least say you will, book in and a coffee in or something Amelia: it's not just that, it's too weird Amelia: there's like no place for me Jac: she's moved on hasn't she Amelia: yeah Jac: I shouldn't have made you walk away from her Amelia: you didn't Jac: I still feel like I did though Amelia: well whatever way you want to look at it, she's got new friends now Jac: so do you Jac: or could still Jac: Jess said everyone knows what your ex was like Amelia: he could've warned me Jac: I told him so Amelia: it doesn't matter, I don't have the energy Amelia: like you said, I should study more for my theory Jac: if it's any consolation, I am totally alone, and not just literally right now Amelia: you've got me, excuse you Jac: no, not friends, remember Amelia: ugh, fine Amelia: what are you doing though? Jac: I was about to ask if your parents were still as militant with their drink stash Jac: idk how they kept such a close eye on levels, crazy Amelia: they are but I'll be taking the risk and the punishment when I get there so feel free to start without me Amelia: as long as you don't get too drunk to go Jac: doubt they're so cool they need bouncers Amelia: I mean, I'll give you a 🐷y back or hold your hair but if you're 😪 there isn't much I can do Jac: 😇 Jac: me, you, you decide Amelia: me, clearly Jac: 🙄 Jac: braceface would HATE you Amelia: she can join in with Paige who's blatantly whispering about me Jac: she's the biggest goody-two-shoes Jac: she'd thrive in catholic school Amelia: She'll be plotting how to get me in trouble with Is' mum since school's out and there's no looming detention for me Amelia: I know how to make that really easy for her Jac: you'd think she was 7 not 17 Jac: what are you gonna do? Amelia: shut her up, the same way I always do Jac: don't, come here instead Amelia: but she's so annoying Jac: I know she is but I want you Jac: so come here before I change my mind Amelia: okay Jac: okay Jac: make sure you tell her you'll talk to her later Amelia: I did Amelia: 😇 Jac: good girl Amelia: I didn't get any 🎂 though Jac: I'd make you one Jac: but I might burn your house down so Jac: I have an idea though 💡 Amelia: what is it? Jac: hang on Amelia: no, I'll start 🏃 Jac: ta-da Amelia: 😳 Amelia: thanks for not telling me that's what you looked like when I was talking about being underdressed earlier Amelia: and for having that 💡 so I don't care anymore Jac: you always look perfect anyway, it doesn't matter what you wear Amelia: you do Jac: you too Jac: and you won't feel underdressed when you undress me Amelia: I look 😍 but I'm fine with it Amelia: as long as my parents don't get back before me Jac: I'm quiet, remember Jac: it's fine Amelia: it's not you I'm worried about Amelia: but I'm not that worried Jac: 😍 Jac: you're so adorable but also so hot Jac: it's rude Amelia: says you Amelia: you're the rudest person ever if that's the criteria Jac: oh no, Kiersten was right Amelia: she can have that one thing Jac: only if I can have you Amelia: there's no if Amelia: you have me Jac: good Jac: I need you, you know Amelia: I need you more, not because you love a competition, although if you do want to get competitive about it, that's cool too Jac: We can make it into a competition but what would I win? Amelia: 🤔 Jac: I can't think, I want to see you too badly Amelia: I get it, trust me Jac: You're the prettiest Amelia: no, I'm not Amelia: but I do love you the most Jac: don't be mean to yourself Jac: 😣 Amelia: sorry Jac: I can make you believe me, don't worry Amelia: I'm not worried about that either, I know you can Jac: you don't need to worry about anything Jac: not now Amelia: not now Amelia: I promise Jac: 😇 Amelia: 🥰 Jac: have you got a headache? Amelia: you don't need to worry either Amelia: not about me Jac: I just wanna know if I need to make that go away first before letting you touch me Amelia: I do have a headache but I would literally come back from the dead to see you so Jac: 🥰 Jac: still means I get to go first 😈 Amelia: 😇 if anything Jac: see what you think when we're waking up your neighbours Amelia: I'll be thinking the same thing because nothing's changing my mind about you but okay they'll probably think 😈👹👻👺 Jac: I've never heard you, properly Jac: either we have to be quiet or it's too loud to hear anything Amelia: but you know how hard I find trying to be quiet Jac: I wanna hear everything Amelia: you won't want me to 🤫🤐 once you have though Jac: yeah? Amelia: we'll have to find new places Jac: or I'll work out ways to make you louder at parties Amelia: okay Jac: only okay? Amelia: emphatically Amelia: like ! Amelia: like that's the best idea I've ever heard Jac: my nerdy baby Amelia: well now I don't want to correct it to 😎 Amelia: you win Jac: 😄 Jac: come here and be my prize Amelia: [will let you show up gal cos why not you've been running like a needy gay and it's not that far] Jac: [enjoy hens 'cos this is gonna be intense] Amelia: [the softness and love never lasts soz ladies] Amelia: [more importantly soz to these neighbours] Jac: [💔] Jac: [but love that lmao] Amelia: [thank god her parents aren't coming back yet because there is no being quiet if their lives depended on it now] Amelia: [I had an idea that while Jac is getting ready because even if she doesn't change her outfit she'll probably wanna fix her makeup etc whereas Amelia isn't wearing any she should start a new portrait, this time of them doing something intimate but not saucy lol because 1. that's gay 2. they're at her house so all her art stuff is right there 3. she can make it fit whatever vague af prompt she was given for holiday homework] Jac: [that's a good idea, I won't Katy Perry spoil it rudely, but just like, it better be vague enough that everyone in Art won't be 👀 lmao] Amelia: [don't worry gal we won't out you but actually those Katy Perry dramatics would be a good idea to remember if we ever want them to have a big row haha] Jac: [there is always time lmao, though for tonight I think it's easy enough to have the level of drama we want because like this all happens but then you're not allowed to be together at the party like you aren't even friends still so it's like the base level of getting along at a party vibes, which would obvs be upsetting every time, poor Amelia] Amelia: [agreed we'll keep it in our back pocket for later because tonight has enough going on, like literally every time you have moments like this and then she pushes you away after would be 💔] Jac: [let the fun commence] Amelia: [we all know she's kissing that girl under the mistletoe but is there anything else you want to happen] Jac: [I've got a picture to post in jealousy to that but nothing is gonna actually happen on her end, just pretending luvs, as for other party goings on, literally anything could, she's probably gonna blank their brother which will probably give Amelia that false hope] Amelia: [love that by which I mean hate that lol cos she's already got false hope from Jac inviting her to the party instead of just going on her own] Jac: [I know, the gag is it isn't really false hope but like it still is 'cos we aren't coming out at this party obvs lol, even if they can be more friendly 'cos it's not their year or their usual crowd] Amelia: [I like that because it's a less messy and more friendly vibe even though it means it'll hurt more the next party they go too that won't be like that/when shit hits the fan in like 2 days because of Savannah's love life] Jac: [just waiting for that confirmation hens, bit rude to ruin xmas but there we go] Amelia: [how dare you Savannah you know blocking someone means nothing because you have blatantly also stalked Jac to see what she's doing] Jac: [oh gals, i hope you think some boy is buying her channel] Amelia: [oh she do and that's one of many reasons we're getting with this boy now after hinting all month] Jac: [sorry to dis man but nah] Amelia: [he's not a sweetie like Ty we don't stan] Jac: [when you said one time that he reminded her of Jac LMAOOO] Amelia: [nobody is having a good 2 years is the point but I am DECEASED] Jac: [this is true, you're all going through it, that's the point] Amelia: [Sienna and Is are the only ones thriving] Jac: [god bless lol] Amelia: [can we say they go back to Amelia's after this party and then Jac has to sneak past her parents in the AM for the lols or is that too friendly, like the spare room does exist and I feel like she doesn't wanna go home after missing Jesse's gig] Jac: [yeah, I feel like tonight we would because the family drama is more than the amelia drama rn so we're not gonna turn down the spare room, it will be amusing and also, less funny, can worry the fam some more about where we are, ahh the joys] Amelia: [soz JJ soz everyone but I shall cackle because it's probably more like the afternoon when they wake up so Amelia's parents are just there living their vanilla life] Jac: [hope you don't use your spare room as a dressing room or something babes lollollol] Amelia: [they're just casually eating lunch while Jac tiptoes away] Jac: [oh god bless, at least you did have normal clothes to change into and you won't be in your hoe outfit to walk of shame] Amelia: [or have to borrow clothes off Amelia like this is awks but] Jac: [still a prepared bitch even at our lowest] Amelia: [virgo energy] Jac: [we can skip to them if you like, now we've got the energy of the night] Amelia: [fine by me boo] Jac: did your parents see me Jac: or hear Amelia: No, I captured all of their attention with that loud explanation of my 🎨 Jac: can put it on the fridge Jac: 👍 Amelia: not until it gets graded Jac: it's an As only appliance, gotcha Amelia: 😂 yeah that's why looks nothing like a gallery Jac: even imagining the sound of a 🎻 rn is making my head wanna burst open Amelia: if you're going to keep checking it, turn your phone brightness down Jac: why would I be Amelia: I'm such a great conversationalist Jac: so I hear Amelia: 😏 Jac: don't 😏 @ me Amelia: *😉 Jac: idiot Jac: how was she then Amelia: who? Jac: don't who at me either, you know who Amelia: okay but I don't know what you expect me to say Jac: then I don't need to check my phone, thanks for saving me Jac: and as I gave her to you, that makes us 2-4 Jac: I'll even the score later Amelia: you didn't give her to me, you gave yourself to me Amelia: and I gave her my number Jac: cute Amelia: why do you want to hear this? Jac: It's a while back to mine, even catching the bus Jac: got time to kill and nothing to kill it with Amelia: you should read the 📖 I gave you once the 🤯💊 kick in Jac: I doubt I'll have time with the bollocking I'll be getting once I finally get back Amelia: probably not Jac: looks like Jess' show is online though Jac: no one phantom'd him so there you go, there's your entertainment 'til she texts you Amelia: she might not Jac: yeah right Amelia: parties make everyone 😍🥰😘 Jac: she's definitely full time gay Jac: not gonna pretend she don't know you now Amelia: no, you were right the first time about her being bi Jac: same thing Amelia: it isn't Jac: when you're fucking her, it'll feel the same Amelia: it was just a 💋 Amelia: I don't even know if that'll happen again Jac: do you want it to Amelia: I don't know Amelia: why I do and why I don't are the same reason Jac: sounds confusing Amelia: Yeah Jac: couldn't be me Amelia: like I said, what do you expect me to say? Jac: nothing you haven't Amelia: you're not the only one 🤯 you know Jac: don't moan Jac: go outside Jac: fresh air helps Amelia: you're repeating advice my dad already gave Amelia: at least he's asking for 🛒🍌🥚🥕🍞🧀🍅 Jac: what the fuck is he making Amelia: that's not the full list Amelia: artistic licence if anything Jac: 🙄 Jac: not really A for effort Amelia: you're going to start marking me now, are you? Jac: maybe Amelia: okay Jac: it's cold Amelia: is that why you wanted me to go outside? Jac: to freeze to death or confirm that statement? Jac: neither seems worth it, so no Amelia: how far away are you? I don't have a blanket scarf but I can bring you something Jac: no Jac: you're right, Is' dress was quite nice Amelia: I'm right about you not needing to freeze to death too Jac: says you Amelia: it doesn't have to be like this Jac: like what, an Irish winter? Amelia: you're as stubborn as an Irish winter Jac: artsy Amelia: I'm supposed to be the dramatic one as well Jac: I'm not going to die of consumption on the bus home Jac: you're still the dramatic one, you can mope about how I won't accept help if you like Amelia: and you're getting the wrong kind of inspiration from the classics you've read Jac: have I spoiled the ending of this book? Jac: I'll pass it on, like Amelia: I'm not telling you the ending, read it Jac: you want me to write a book report so you can grade me too? Amelia: 😂 maybe Jac: 🤓 Amelia: ❌ Amelia: and it's not moping, it's caring Jac: no one asked you to either way Amelia: it's really cold Jac: the bus has heating, it's only gonna be a few minutes wait, then I can run back Amelia: I could wait with you Jac: why would you do that Jac: obviously not Amelia: because you're right about fresh air Amelia: and it might  🌨⛄️ Jac: then go to the park with all the other little kids Amelia: you want to know what kissing her was like, it was the opposite of this Jac: talking would get in the way of it Amelia: that's not what I mean and you know it's not Jac: I don't care what you meant Jac: I'm not threatened by Violet McLaughlin Amelia: it's not about her Jac: not for me it ain't Amelia: you make everything 10x harder than it needs to be Jac: if you can't cope Jac: then you don't need to worry about that, because we're not friends Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: just go Jac: the supermarket is gonna be full of frantic people fighting over sprouts Amelia: if we're not friends there's literally no reason for me to make things that easy for you Amelia: so no Jac: we're not friends so I'll happily tell you to fuck off if you come anywhere near this bus stop Amelia: you either want me to 🛒 or you don't Jac: for god sake Jac: can your parents not take you Amelia: the whole point is he wants me to get out Jac: could he not come with so you don't go do some more reckless shit Jac: lazy parenting, tbh Amelia: he doesn't know about most of the reckless shit I do Jac: 🙄 case in point Jac: but don't worry, I won't call yours Amelia: it doesn't matter to me if you do Jac: I'm not interested enough to get you in trouble Amelia: unlike you I talk, it's no challenge for me to say whatever they need to hear Jac: you want an easy life Jac: I don't Amelia: I want a fucking life Jac: and the dramatics, right on cue Amelia: right Jac: you want a life, go do something about it Amelia: I already told you I'm not leaving Jac: we all will before you know it Jac: then we'll have no reason to stay in contact Amelia: we'll always have a reason Jac: How is it that Is has got it before you? Jac: she didn't need either of us at her party Amelia: I'm not Is, and guess what, I'm not Savannah either Jac: Yeah, you're not Amelia: they're gone and I'm not going anywhere, keep tipping your hourglass over and pretending like it'll be any different any time soon Jac: oh, fuck you Amelia: the bus stop is way too public for you Jac: you're not funny Amelia: it's not a laugh out loud kind of moment Jac: don't come here, get the next bus Amelia: I'm not going to, I've got 🎨 to finish Jac: Good Jac: because I would have to slap you even if it is a hate crime Amelia: you'd try Jac: I'm not fucking bragging, I wouldn't know what else to do Jac: I don't, these days Amelia: me either, I would still stop you though Jac: maybe Amelia: try it Jac: I'm not saying I want to either Jac: just leave me alone Amelia: no Jac: I'll leave you alone Amelia: that's never been what I want Jac: then it can be a threat Amelia: yeah, and it existed ages before you bothered to say it Amelia: it's all I think about already Jac: You knew what this was before it started Amelia: and? Amelia: I still know what it is Amelia: that doesn't mean it's okay Jac: then you should say no Amelia: You knew how I felt before this started Amelia: I can't Jac: and I'm committed to being a shit person Jac: I can handle that, if you can't then you have to address it Jac: I'm not doing it for you Amelia: I got that, you're not doing anything for me today Amelia: in the cold light of Jac: That's how it's been from the start Jac: it's not changing Amelia: it did change, last night was different Amelia: for a bit Jac: you just want that to be true Amelia: you just want to keep lying and gaslighting Amelia: I'm not stupid Jac: I was so drunk I can barely remember any of it Amelia: no you weren't because if you had been there would be nothing to remember Amelia: nothing would have happened Jac: you don't like being accused of things, neither do I Amelia: the predatory lesbian angle is tired, that's all Amelia: so am I Jac: I didn't wake you Jac: your parents dancing 'round the kitchen like this is a rom-com did Amelia: I know that Amelia: and you knew what my parents are like when you decided to sleep in the guest room Amelia: maybe 🧔👩🏻👧🏻 is their rom-com Jac: needs must Amelia: exactly Jac: I didn't say shit about your parents Amelia: we're not fighting about them Amelia: why would you? Jac: Then can you get to your point Jac: because this is tiring, and unnecessary, agreed Amelia: I've made them Amelia: points multiple Jac: Cool, bye then Amelia: 👋 Amelia: I've got no interest in dating Savannah Moore Jac: That's good, she's straight and gone Amelia: you sounded just like her Amelia: everything she said to you, repeated more or less word for word to me Jac: So? Jac: and you don't know what she said to me, you weren't there, you have no idea Amelia: so goodbye then Amelia: you told me, remember, that she said how beautiful you were etc Amelia: you're becoming an echo Jac: It isn't the same Amelia: she hurt you because everything she said didn't mean that she wanted to kiss you, be with you, any of the things you wanted Amelia: this is the same for me Amelia: you'll never kiss me how Violet did, you won't even take my fucking coat when it's about to snow Jac: it's different because she's fucking straight and you know I'm not Jac: but if that isn't enough for you then yeah Jac: bye Amelia: I know loads of things but how can it be enough when you spend have the time trying to make me doubt them Amelia: half* Jac: There's nothing I can or will do about that Amelia: you could be honest with me Jac: I have been, for fuck's sake Amelia: no, you lie to hurt me, that's literally the opposite Jac: No, I've told you loads of things, things I haven't told anyone else, and you admit that because you know them Jac: what you want, Amelia, is for me to come out and declare my love for you Jac: and I have never, ever, said I would do that Amelia: what I want, is you Amelia: not the person you're pretending to be to everyone else Jac: If I could be that person still, don't you think I would Jac: I'd do it for me, not you Jac: it's like I'm dead Jac: there isn't a switch where I can just bring that me back, she's gone Amelia: sometimes you are, so even if there's no switch, there has to be something Amelia: I'm not that crazy and you're not that dead Jac: well if you work it out, let me know Amelia: obviously Jac: It's not the same Jac: you can say it's fucked Jac: but you aren't being led on Amelia: okay Amelia: I'm sorry Jac: it's fine Amelia: it's not, I know you don't want to talk about her Jac: it's not how you think it was Jac: no one else would get it Amelia: it's between you and her Amelia: I don't have to get it Jac: yeah Amelia: has the 🚌 come yet? Jac: I'm going to town instead Jac: I'll buy a cheap coat, don't worry Jac: but work is open 'til Christmas eve, and they didn't expect me to work after term-time, but I'm gonna go offer Amelia: did the 🤯💊 really work that well? Jac: I think it was the cold more Jac: and I still don't wanna be there yet Jac: you know how big a thing Christmas is with my family, everyone will be coming over from wherever the fuck they reside, it's too much Amelia: yeah Amelia: at least your uni app will benefit Jac: and my pockets Jac: no presents really means I could save up Amelia: not if you spend all your money on coats Amelia: I'll bring you one, I'm serious Amelia: to work or wherever you are now Jac: likewise if you waste all your time on me, your 🎨 will never get finished Amelia: my 🎨 is technically a bigger waste of time Amelia: and when I go to uni I won't have any time for it anyway Jac: but still, a really good grade will help you get there, even if the subject isn't totally relevant Amelia: I'm already getting a good grade in that subject Amelia: are you out of excuses why I shouldn't help you now or what? Jac: Ugh Jac: you're so stubborn, it's rich you're trying to have a go at me for it Amelia: you're just annoyed that I'm giving you something else, but it's a borrow Amelia: I'm not 🤶🏻 Jac: maybe God can be a woman but Santa categorically is not Jac: what does his wife even do? Amelia: discipline the elves because he's a soft touch, obviously Amelia: are you still at the bus stop then? Jac: no, the bus came, but they're pretty regular, even from yours 🏡 Jac: assuming they'll have me for this shift...you can meet me whenever you get to this part of town, they're really good at giving breaks Amelia: I'm familiar with the bus schedule, my parents don't drive me EVERYWHERE, just a lot of places Amelia: okay then Jac: you're an only child, it'd be weird if you weren't a bit spoilt Amelia: it would mean I was an accident but I'm literally the opposite so Jac: n'awh Amelia: at least they cherish me Amelia: you literally do the opposite Jac: 😂 Jac: you aren't a miracle in general you know, only to them Amelia: rude Jac: sometimes you have to hear these harsh truths Amelia: ear muff gay remember Amelia: you'll have to sign it Jac: [video saying something offensive that Amelia should remember lol] Amelia: 😂 Jac: 😏 Amelia: Jess doesn't deserve all the free advertising he'll be getting on this bus ride but I'm not going back for my 🎧 Jac: You're so common Amelia: after what you just signed Amelia: hypocritical Jac: unless someone has their 👀s on your screen, I'm fine Amelia: or on you as you did it Amelia: which they probably did Jac: this bus is packed Jac: fucking Christmas Amelia: people look at you, it doesn't matter where or who else is around Jac: you make it sound like I'm something special Jac: people look at you too Amelia: it's not the same Amelia: people are usually looking at me because I'm doing something I'm not supposed to Jac: nah, it is Amelia: 😳🚏 Jac: you'd notice if you weren't so busy looking at me Amelia: if that's the criteria I don't want to notice Jac: such a line Amelia: No, you're SO nice to look at, is a line Jac: I know you're too much of a 🤓 to ever think you're smooth Amelia: I haven't got the misplaced confidence of a teenage boy, if that's what you mean Jac: you aren't your ex, yeah Amelia: I fucking hope not Jac: all the girls I've seen you go for Jac: have really dark hair Amelia: I guess Jac: and are ethnically ambiguous, but like, more noticably than I am Amelia: where are you going with this? Jac: it's just what I've noticed Jac: you have a type but it isn't me Amelia: or you are my type and they're not Jac: I knew you'd say that Amelia: because it's true Jac: saying I defy all types would be more of a line Jac: so I'll believe you Amelia: Do you want to get ☕ with me? Jac: I can't Jac: like, genuinely Jac: we got up late, now I'm here begging for work, I better actually do some Amelia: okay, I'll bring it to you Amelia: and there'll probably be loads of people from school everywhere anyway Jac: yeah Jac: loads of people in our year reckon they're trying the pubs Christmas eve Jac: as if half of them look serve-able Amelia: are you going to go? Jac: I don't think so Jac: it's just for the brag of getting in and getting served, they're especially militant this time of year Jac: easier ways to get drunk we use every other day of the year Amelia: true Amelia: but you do love a competition Amelia: and a brag Jac: if I wanted to get served that bad, I'd go to my granda's Jac: I dunno Jac: are you gonna go? Amelia: I doubt my mum will let me break tradition for that Jac: of course Amelia: though I should probably go see your great grandad before they notice how much of their drinks cabinet we raided Jac: 😬 Jac: can't exactly break my no present rule to buy them a bottle or two Amelia: that'd be offensive, you won't break it for me Jac: spoilt brat 😂 Amelia: we missed a really good show 🎸🎵 Jac: I can't believe you're listening to it out loud Amelia: of course you can Amelia: it's exactly the kind of thing I'd do Jac: I'd be so embarrassed Jac: I'd move Amelia: if you were here I'd be able to steal your 🎧 Amelia: you never forget anything Jac: it's not hard Amelia: I was rushing Jac: you just really wanted a ☕ right Amelia: why else Jac: indeed Amelia: I can't believe how hard creepy editor is going with some of these close ups Amelia: it's really ruining it for me Jac: disgusting Jac: I won't be tuning in Amelia: if only it was so easy for you to avoid him in person, right? Jac: it's pretty easy Jac: though unfortunately he keeps all his music crap downstairs so Amelia: have I ever mentioned how great it is being an only child? Jac: 😒 Jac: fuck off Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'm going in the wrong direction to Jac: I punched the wrong sibling though Amelia: what? Jac: not close enough to clock the concealer 👎 job editor Amelia: you did that? Jac: yeah Amelia: what happened? Jac: he tried to stop me going out Amelia: why? Jac: 'cos he's an idiot Amelia: okay Jac: I didn't think he'd actually try to stop me Amelia: it doesn't seem like something he'd usually do Jac: everyone's stressed Jac: obviously Amelia: has he tried to stop you since? Jac: I think we've mutually done our best to ignore each other Jac: it was a while ago, actually Jac: after your birthday Jac: time is weird Amelia: Jac Amelia: that was ages ago Jac: not THAT long ago Jac: what's your point? Amelia: I don't know Amelia: I feel stressed now Jac: why, you didn't punch him Jac: or make me Amelia: 😕 Jac: Come on Jac: calm down Amelia: this bus doesn't have a calming atmosphere Jac: how many screaming kids Amelia: they're the majority Jac: ew Jac: I have too many cousins Amelia: me too and I don't have hardly any in comparison Jac: I'm dreading it Jac: xmas Amelia: I wish we could just skip it Jac: same Amelia: my parents think I'm oblivious to the fact they're planning to use their New Year's party to set me up with someone Jac: that's cute Jac: how have they even found another gay for you Amelia: they've found more than one, it'll be a speed dating event with my entire extended family in attendance Amelia: that's not cute Jac: no, it's not, it's weird Jac: but I was trying to be polite Amelia: you're nicer to my parents than you are to me Jac: you'd have a go at me if I weren't Amelia: 🤔 Jac: what are you 🤔 about Amelia: if I should have a go at you for acting like I have a go at you all the time Jac: go ahead and answer your own question Jac: then you'll have a go at me for making you have a go at me over whether or not you're always having a go at me Amelia: 😣 Jac: 😏 Amelia: am I? Jac: just now Jac: but I treat you like shit so if you weren't it'd be more damning Jac: not before Amelia: oh great Jac: what do you mean? Amelia: I mean what I just said, I'm thrilled to hear that Jac: 🤨 Jac: okay Amelia: Where do you want me to meet you? Jac: I'll come out Jac: you remember where it is, my work Amelia: Yeah Amelia: I only have a couple of stops left Jac: I thought you were getting me coffee Amelia: there's a place right near there, I remember that too Jac: fair enough Jac: carry on Amelia: I'm not THAT hopeless at geography Jac: your memory is decent, you can have that Amelia: thanks Jac: don't mention it Amelia: 🤫🤐 Jac: I'll pay you back, for the coffee Jac: can't afford any more gifts from you Amelia: feel free to put the money in my coat pocket when give it back Jac: good idea Amelia: maybe I'll find something else I had no idea was in there when I do the search Jac: knowing you Amelia: yeah, a miracle, we all know ✨ Amelia: next year I'll just get you one big 🎁 Amelia: then we can have ☕ together Jac: if you pull 🥖🐟 out of your pocket, that's gonna seem more disgusting than miraculous Jac: at least next year, we'll both be able to drive Jac: and this will all be that much closer to being over Amelia: I'll actually know what I'm doing with my gap year if buts and maybes, that'll be weirder Jac: will it be backpacking in Thailand or building orphanages in Africa Amelia: my parents would still prefer 🥖🐟 Amelia: so if they get their way it'll be neither and nothing Jac: if you're gonna do it you have to do it properly Jac: or it's just a waste of time Amelia: the entire point is to waste more time after 🎓 and before 🤓💻📝 Amelia: it's a stalling tactic Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Jac: you're gonna be 2 years older than half your class by the time you get there Amelia: so? Amelia: it's not a speed dating event either Jac: so they're all going to seem really immature Amelia: boys always are Amelia: I've coped with that all through school Jac: Uni is about not dealing with that Jac: having a fresh start Amelia: exactly, I'll be there to 🤓💻📝 Jac: yeah right Amelia: not much of a fresh start otherwise Jac: exactly, you aren't going to have a personality overhaul in a year or two Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'm thrilled you don't think 💔 has changed me Jac: only for the worse, obviously Amelia: you sound like my mum now Amelia: she's texting me 'please don't act like this when your grandparents arrive tomorrow' Amelia: like what? 🤶🏻 okay Jac: ooh, no 🥛🍪 for you Amelia: 🥺 Jac: you'll be fine Jac: just don't ruin christmas by being gay Amelia: that was last year's drama Jac: precisely why you don't need to go for 2 Amelia: why I'd find a new way to ruin it if I was going to Jac: 👍 Amelia: it was Is who copied you, I'm fine with letting you do your own thing Jac: they'll be too busy to care Jac: and not talking isn't ruining anything Jac: enough loudmouths running about Amelia: if you leave it at that Jac: what else would I do, shit in the christmas pudding Amelia: punch one of your other family members Amelia: just an idea I pulled out of nowhere though Jac: only if they get in my way Jac: which they're unlikely to do now Amelia: Jude isn't Amelia: getting in your way is her number 1 skill Jac: and mine happens to be avoiding her Amelia: it's in the top 10, I don't think I'd put it first Jac: I've managed not to punch anyone since Jac: it's fine Amelia: you were threatening to hit me not long ago Amelia: but alright Jac: because you were threatening to get in my space Jac: everyone just needs to leave me alone when I tell them to Jac: it's not hard Amelia: it's my fault, that's really what you're going with? Jac: yes Jac: you were going to get in my face when I explicitly warned you not to Jac: I didn't just attack you, and I didn't just attack Jess Amelia: okay Jac: fuck's sake Jac: it's alright for you all to push me and ignore my boundaries Amelia: because I can't keep up with what your boundaries are Jac: no, you just think you can push through them Amelia: no, you keep moving close to me and then away Jac: and you only accept one of those Amelia: so do you Jac: whatever Jac: this is pointless Amelia: any time I try to do anything that looks remotely like moving on, you know exactly what you do, so don't pretend this is all me Jac: I weren't talking about that Amelia: no, you were talking about how much you want me to fuck off Amelia: come outside and I can Jac: [does] Amelia: [we giving her this coat and coffee like okay bye as if we didn't come all this way/have anywhere else to be, oh gal] Jac: [kissing her on the cheek like we would've done without thinking as friends but now it's a big deal, but then running like bye] Amelia: [we're all dying and running away nbd]

[imaginebeatles]

hey, I hope this isn't too personal that it makes uncomfortable,but I'm kind of starting to learn about my sexuality and knowing that you're asexual I was just wondering how you figured it out, u know that ur asexual, and this might be the stupidest/longest question you've aver got but like if you fell in love with someone does things change and how did you deal with it?

No! It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I know how tough it can be trying to figure things out and having someone tell about their own experiences can really help. This answer may end up being a little rambly (figuring stuff out was confusing for me and took years). This answer is long, so I hope it’ll help you. 

If you have any questions, message me. I don’t mind talking about it :) 

Basically, I never really questioned my sexuality at first. I grew up in a very open-minded household (my mum’s bisexual herself) and I always figured that I’d fall in love with whoever I fell in love with. If it was a girl, then it was a girl. If it was a guy, it was a guy. I never really experienced sexual feelings towards anyone, but I did like the idea of romance and intimacy (still do) so I figured it would come later when I met the right person. Sex was always taught to me by my parents and school as a natural thing that everyone will engage in and that you’ll start feeling those desires when you’re older. For me, I thought sex was weird (the idea of actually doing it or people actually having done it kinda seemed very weird to me), but it still interested me and I liked reading smut fics and having private me time ;) 

When I had my first serious crush at 16/17 however, things got... complicated. He was a friend of mine from school and we began hanging out more during a school trip to America, at which point I began to slowly realise I kinda fancied him. However, even though I wanted to hang out with him and be with him and touch him (hold hands, etc.) and kiss him, I never thought about him in a sexual way (I tried once but had to stop after five seconds because... no). At that point, I had started to learn more about lgbt+ stuff (although my country is accepting, they can do a lot better in terms of education. basically all our sex ed was about heterosexual sex with one a few lose comments along the lines of “sometimes girls like girls and guys like guys” but nothing more in depth than that. The joke was mainly that you didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant.) 

Nothing ever happened between me and the guy (we went on a double date once and flirted a little, but we were both too shy to do anything, and right now I’m kinda glad, seeing as I didn’t know I was asexual yet and having a romantic relationship would have made that whole thing so much more difficult), but it got me to question my sexuality, especially because I realised that even though I liked girls and thought they were beautiful and had strange feelings sometimes, I never wanted to have sex with them, but neither did I want to have sex with guys, making me question if I was bi again (which I am) (also, at this point, people kinda started thinking I was gay (friends and family), so that got me thinking too). 

At this point, I knew about the asexual label, but I didn’t fully understand it (there was a lot of ace discourse happening back then, which didn’t help at all with making me feel like I was experiencing a normal thing). Having always been taught sex=love=sex, I thought that if you were ace you couldn’t have a relationship with anyone and would never be able to love anyone. I really did not want to be asexual, not wanting to die alone. Now, I know this is, of course, complete bullshit, but I was still figuring stuff out. I did find the gray ace label at that point, which offered me a bit more freedom, so I adopted that privately when I started university two years later, though I never came out to anyone. 

At uni I came into contact with other lgbt+ people and we had a lot more academic discussions about gender and sexuality too, which made me question a lot of stuff again. I did more research on both gray ace and asexuality, and got more confident with the gray-ace label. On a holiday to London with one of my closest friends, I came out to them, and we talked and while she didn’t understand it, it did help me think about it more. That was the summer before my third year of university, which I would spend abroad in Edinburgh. Before leaving, I did more research on asexuality and got a more thorough understanding, and finally realised that maybe asexual described me better, so I adopted that label for my exchange year. There, I also didn’t come out, but I did more research and used the label privately for myself for half a year, before I finally came out to @chut-je-dors when I was certain it fitted me. I talked with her about asexuality and she kinda understood. That’s when I fully realised and accepted I was asexual.

Coming home that summer, I told my mum, who started to learn more about it too and then my step-dad. Then, last spring I accepted I was bi too, and that’s kinda where I’m at right now. I’m “out” in the sense that if anyone were to ask about my love life or sexuality, I would tell them, but because I’m generally quite private, I haven’t really told anyone else yet. 

I’m sorry if this was rambly and i don’t know if any of what I told you will help in anyway, but basically, for me, it was a relatively long journey. I was lucky to grow up in an accepting environment, but still the lack of information and the negativity around asexuality really did not help me accept myself. I still struggle with it sometimes, but now I do like being asexual. I wouldn’t want to change it. It’s just who I am and I don’t miss it. 

I did a lot of research on the internet (AVEN is a great resource, as well as youtube videos), and talked about it with people who I could trust, even if they didn’t know anything about asexuality themselves. But yeah, I really didn’t know I was asexual until I was 21 and even then, I didn’t fully accept myself completely until quite recently at 22/23. University was especially a struggle at times, because of certain courses I took where this kinda stuff around my sexuality came up, but it forced me to really look within myself and analyse myself and listen to what exactly i wanted, both in a relationship and sexually. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that asexuality is a broad umbrella term and everyone’s experiences are different. People’s attitudes to sex are different, as well as if they still want a romantic relationship (I do, though I only experience romantic feelings for someone I have an emotional connection with) or not. Also, some things that you may be taught are sexual, aren’t necessarily that. I’m a very sensual person when it comes to romantic relationships and I love intimacy and closeness and touching, but actual sex is a big no for me (though I’m open for negotiations, as I may have forms of sex to satisfy my partner and for closeness with them, but it’s about intimacy, not sex. I can get it through other ways too). This means that my experience of sex is different from others, even if the act itself is similar. Lots of ace people also have kinks for example, but it’s about emotional trust and connection (or something else), rather than sex itself. 

In terms of romantic relationships... I’ve only ever really wanted to date one guy and I didn’t. However, being in love didn’t change anything for me. I still liked him romantically, and I still see people who I fancy romantically or sensually or aesthetically. It’s just that I don’t want to have sex with them. However, as I’m quite neutral about sex, I’d be able to negotiate something with my partner if they want, but this depends on the partner as well as personal boundaries, which differ from person to person. Also, I didn’t really feel like dating anyone until last summer, because that’s when I figured out what kind of relationship I want. Now that I know who I am and what I want, i’m more comfortable putting myself out there and getting a romantic partner. 

Asexuality can be rather frustrating when it comes to dating, however. It makes it a bit more complicated, because you have to be sure you’re compatible in bed as well. That doesn’t mean you can only date ace people when you’re ace, but it requires good communication. However, anyone should probably have good communication with their partners, so to a certain degree, I’d say it’s better because it forced you to do this. The important thing is to know what you want and what your boundaries are. But really, in terms of feelings towards another person, it’s not that different. I just don’t want to have sex with them, but I still want to be with them and do all the other stuff couples do. Sex is not a requirement for a good and healthy relationship :) 

Aside from this, I had some very ace moments of walking with my friends in the streets and not noticing cute guys, because it’s not what I’m thinking about, or feeling weird when people bring up their crushes or sex life, because it seems so foreign and strange. Sometimes the idea that people actually have sex is still a bit weird to me. I just don’t have that desire with other people. 

Anyway, I hope this someone helped you, at least a little bit. If you wanna talk more, please don’t be afraid to message me. Figuring out your sexuality can be lonely and I sure wish I had someone to talk about it back when I was first questioning myself. Just take your time and don’t worry too much. Stuff will make sense eventually. 

#asexuality #personal #answered

[weirdbrain]

What a year it has been.. I lost myself this year. I usually find this time of year is one of internal celebration that I have won another year against my own demons, and that I should be proud of how far I have come. It's been fifteen years this year that I have been fighting an internal war against myself.

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder fifteen years ago. They couldn't tell me why, or how it happened but I felt like I woke up one day and everything that I enjoyed, loved and wanted was stolen. I felt like the light inside of me was taken away. My mental illness is worn on the inside. It's often filled with darkness, harsh words, and a void which I can't always escape. It took me almost a decade to find the light, and to find parts of myself again. A whole decade of my poor mother, grandparents, friends and family staring at someone who wasn't themselves. I've always tried to put my "brave" face on for those who love me, so they don't have to see the vacant person I had become. My illness is a chemical imbalance that I cannot control, I can medicate but eventually no amount of medication, therapy, time or healing will ever cure me or remove the battle inside my brain. Throughout the last decade, I have been able to grow my expertise in managing the voices in my head, the darkness that overcomes me and slowly I've been able to pry back little peices of myself and see that sunshine start to come back. In the last decade, I have watched many relationships, and friendships disappear and falter for exactly what this picture shows.. pretending I am "busy" when really I am busy fighting the battle in my own mind to stay alive. I found it hard to explain myself, and express what was going on inside, so instead I hid it and in turn ended up losing and watching many relationships and friendships disappear. I have learnt to accept this, and with the growth I have made, I have found talking about it has helped me to create wonderful friendships with people who understand to the best of their abilities and I have found a partner who accepts me for all sides and I will forever be thankful for those wonderful people in my world.

This illness has robbed me of so many good days, good experiences, and wonderful things. Trying to explain it has always been a hard experience for me because I cannot compare it to anything. It feels like every inch of happiness has been taken away, and that I fall into a void of just nothing. I'm numb, and I don't feel anything. This year, I noticed I was slipping back into the darkness and slowly I felt all of the little peices of myself that I had spent the last fifteen years prying from the darkness slowly fade away. I watched myself withdraw from my friends, family and my relationship. I watched myself lose all passion for my work, my study and my future dreams. I knew something needed to be done and I reached out for help. I spoke with family, friends, and professionals and got the helped I needed and will continue with going forward. With any illness, the road has not been easy and I am still struggling with it day by day but I am also making progress day by day. I also feel that the important aspect for myself is that this battle isn't just about me.. It's about my mum and step dad, my partner, my grandparents, other family and my friends. I fight for them, I fight for those moments where I am so happy and its all moment spent with them. I think the biggest reminder is when I think about how I need to do this for them, and that helps me to fight those demons and win. I made the tough but important decision to hold off on my studies for the rest of the year, and continue them next year when I have had time for myself, and to make progress. This decision was met with support from my family, partner, friends, and university. A few years ago I would have either let the darkness consume me and quit or I would have tried to fight through and probably ended up failing many classes and failing to complete my degree. I can see so much grown in myself to be able to recognise what is happening and be able to reach out for help. It's so important to see this growth and to celebrate the small steps it takes to be able to reach out and do the things that I need to be better. I am blessed to have a partner who will do things like make us celebrate when I've managed to take my medication for a full week, and on my bad days will celebrate the small things like showering or leaving the bedroom. Those things are so important, celebrating the small victories! Some days are good, some days I wake up and feel like I can see the tiny bits of light that make it all worthwhile and someday I struggle to get out of bed, to shower, to eat.. Some days I sleep the day away and some days I forget that I am even sick. I guess the most important part of this post is to let people know that it does get better, and sometimes for some of us it never goes away but it does get managable. You should never be afraid to ask for help, to talk to family or friends, to seek professional help. You should never be ashamed for something out of your control. I beg anyone who is suffering or struggling to find whatever helps them, and find that happiness in the small things. Do whatever makes you smile and your heart happy, and anyone that ever needs help I am here with a helping hand happy to listen, give advice and help in any way possible.