#like im some fucking misunderstood genius

[queenofallwitches]

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

#I've seen the MRI #magnetic resonance imaging #brainstem #scarred #brain damage #adhd #attention deficit disorder; mental health research; children #ADHD brain #living with adhd #adhd woman #women with adhd #mental illness #neurodevelopment disorder #neurological disorder #brain disorder #about me #trauma #cptsd #complex ptsd #adjustment disorder #love language #complex trauma #dissociative identity disorder #trauma and adhd #trauma warrior #writing #tldr #mental health awareness #dbt therapy #therapy

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

#haikyuu x reader #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #sugawara x reader #tendou x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #sugawara koushi x reader #tendou satori x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #requests

[seijorhi]

asks :)

sorry for being a little mia yesterday/today - i’m bad at answering stuff :(

Were the team like "Meian we have an idea for a team bonding exercise hear us out" or was Meian's idea? A way to get their manager undercontrol before they got the team in deeper trouble? Did Meian get his turn??

I love your stories!

people seem to have fundamentally misunderstood the ending of unprofessional. when meian said the others were coming, he meant they were comin’ for their turn with their pretty lil manager 👀asdfgfcghjhjkl no, but meian was definitely on board with the plan - it might not have been his idea, but he certainly wasn’t objecting. it’s for the good of the team, after all. 

and thank you!

Sakusa walking alone with manager-chan: it’s free real estate

where is the lie??

IM INLOVE WITH THE NEW FIC😭 I JUST FINISHED MY EXAMS AND IT WAS GOOD REWARD I LOVE I LOVE ITTTT😭😭😭

ahhh thank you bby!! and i hope your exams went well!! i’m sure you kicked ass!

POOR LITTLE MANAGER CHAN. I never thought anything could make MSBY boys hotter, but mean!Meian takes the cake~ I want him to act like the good guy after all this is over, to pretend to be the one looking out for their dear sweet manager, all the while he conspires with the boys behind our back 😊

y’all should know better than to trust any man in my fics. meian would 100% stay back to ‘clean you up’ and take care of you. he’ll be the one making sure you don’t neglect your duties, while also making sure you’re not being treated too roughly by his boys. mostly. well, you can take it.

THE MSBY FIC IS SO GOOIID. Would u mind me asking what’s gonna be ur next fic?

bold of you to assume i know the answer to that

I love the idea of Sakusa getting to stake his claim first. Sending the rest of the boys a couple of pics. You snooze you lose! It was the perfect opportunity, how could he not take advantage? I for one would have probably got in his car like a naive idiot!

This is one thing about your fics I love. There is so much side plot and nuances we can explore. I dont know how to describe it, I just love the depth! Plus the smut is hot as hell 💕

sakusa might not film it, but he sure as hell ain’t against sending some pics of the aftermath, just as a less than friendly reminder of who you really belong to. out of all of them, i definitely think he’s the most possessive. 

and i’ve joked with some of my moots before that i am incapable of writing anything, much less smut, without throwing in a fuckton of backstory, even if i don’t actually write it all in. it’s always fun to write about tho, and i get super excited when somebody picks up on a little thing and i get the excuse to ramble on about it a little more! anyway ily, thanks for the ask!

not me laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Tomas, Inunaki and Meian having their turn with me 🧎🏼‍♀️

i was tired and wanted the fic posted but rest assured anon, it happened

I just wanna say your protectivecop!Daichi makes me feel things I didn't know I had but also physician!Ennoshita getting quite handsy during the hour where he's helping you stretch and I'm just .... whoa like I would love to have Ennoshita look after me and also Daichi 🥰🥰- @itishebihime-samaforyou

hhhh i don’t write nearly enough ennoshita.... or actually... none at all, which is a disgrace! because yes!! he’s just so sweet and calming isn’t he? you trust him. even when his hands touch places you don’t think they’re supposed to, even when they linger, squeezing, he’s just doing his job, right?

Settle Oikawa bringing his perfect little family to his games and showing them off before the crowd and his opponents 🥺

he’d have to trust you to behave before he’d let you do that ;)

On the wiki page it says Osamu, with enough provocation, gets angry and physical, and spews profanity. Led to me thinking Osamu's poor gf trying to break up with him for some reason, she's moving away for school, he's getting too clingy, or letting atsumu's hang around too much and being a bit creepy, or what ever. Just GF saying enough is enough we should move on and Osamu, sweet chill Osamu just going apeshit. It would be terrifying!

angry atsumu is one thing, angry osamu is a whole other ballgame! but yes, he’d lose his shit, you’re not going anywhere and you’re sure as fuck not leaving him.

rhiiiii 🥺 would the soulmate nastyboy miyas ever show you a smidgen of kindness? like the thing thats coming to mind for me is if reader was delirious and sick with a fever or something and she was in a lot of pain and they like 🥺 did one ☝️ nice thing in their horrible little miya lives

(I ask this because I have an infection in my jaw thats making my wholeass head hurt and I’m pretty mmmmm sick rn, so I’m mindlessly daydreaming about evil miyas being Nice™ to my heavily-medicated ass AHFIAHHD)

first of all, i hope you’re doing okay bby! please take care of yourself, gets lots of rest - i’m sending you all the love!!!

secondly, absolutely! don’t get me wrong, no matter how good you are, how much of yourself you give them, they’re never gonna be soft and sweet with you all the time, but they do love you. if you did get sick, osamu’s gonna take time off work to stay at home and cook for you, trading off with atsumu over who looks after you. and i think if you were heavily drugged out of it, they might just let their guard down a little - you’re not fighting back against their ‘affection��� so they don’t have to act so harsh about it. there’s just something about you being all soft and pliant that’s almost domestic. expect a lot of smothering cuddling.

Hi! I just read Final Girl, (absolutely loved it btw 💖) but I was curious, if she was pregnant but in the tent with her boyfriend did he assume it was his or did he know? I was just curious and thinking about the back story! Thank you :)

so there’s actually like a few months that pass between when the reader’s campsite is attacked (and her friends/boyfriend are all hunted down and killed) and the scene where she’s pregnant and running through the woods - so the baby daddy’s one of the trio 👀

Bless your brain and all its glorious lewd genius UwU - @beany-goes-dark

ahh bby, you give me far too much credit but ily!!

Please take of yourself and stay safe ily we can wait 💖✨

on a physical level i understand this, but my monkey brain drives me to write until 4am in the morning i am not the one in control here (but shgjhjkfgjkl thank you you’re so sweet!)

Hey! I was wondering if it's okay if I talked to you about my kin list and showed it to ya? I've never made one and I genuinely have no one to talk to about it or show😅 thank you in advance

w-what is a kin list?? 👀

#ask #anon #BD answers #fic q’s

[ogkunty]

Furcadia Toxicity

The complete log file is provided, everything here is unedited, this all transpired publicly and should be available for everyone to have access to at all times. Thank you. (19:14:03) Tacada: watching the riot police going (19:14:21) Kixy: Protesting doesn't do anything. (19:14:23) Kunty: Nah, tell people to spend time with their fucking families they keep trying to ride dicks/cunts out of (19:14:23) Tacada: theyre taking the hong kong approach the protestors. using cones n water to stop tear gas nades (19:14:32) Kunty: they riot if quarantined. (19:14:33) Ditty: god (19:14:37) Ditty: turned out as expected (19:14:45) Ditty: Kixy: People will make a bigger stink out of not being called the correct pronoun than anything important. (19:14:48) Ditty: so peoples pronouns are important (19:14:52) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this lmao (19:14:58) Puffin: ^^^^^^ (19:15:01) Ditty: Maya: Just offer free heroin and meth, you'll see enough people. (19:15:02) Ditty: so thats gross (19:15:07) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this either (19:15:08) Kunty: IDC about pronouns, why is that even a thing? (19:15:09) Kixy: The point was that people get more angry over stupid shit than anything serious? (19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are. (19:15:27) Puffin: Riots are the language of the unheard, fam (19:15:29) Kixy: Compared to SO SO many things. (19:15:34) Ditty: why do we have to compare (19:15:39) Ditty: peoples identities are extremely important (19:15:41) Ditty: you cant rank it among other things (19:15:54) Ditty: did you know humans have the capacity to care about multiple things at once or are furcadians not able to do that (19:15:55) Tacada: sorry ditty i started all of this O.O (19:15:57) Kunty: I agree with Kixy, pronouns are NOT important in comparison to riots, killings, and corona. (19:16:03) Ditty: why are we comparing them (19:16:06) Ditty: answer the question

SEE THE REST WITH THIS LINK TO THE HTML LOG FILE

----- ^^^ ----- ^^^ ----- ^^^ -----

The Devil’s Den Discord Meanwhile... Yes, you may Join.

/6:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: IMAGINE SEXUALLY HARASSING PEOPLE AND BEING TRANSPHOBIC AS FUCK ON FUCADIA [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LITERALLY JUST FOR ATTENTION [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: WHO FAILED YOU [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JK ITS YOUR OWN FUCKIN FAULT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: "THE DEVIL'S DEN" THIS IS SOME SERIOUSLY TEEENY EDGELORD SHIT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR GROSS RAPE FANTASY THESAURUS-FUCKING DESCRIPTION [6:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: UNAPOLOGETIC SEXUAL HARASSERS SHOULD BE SHOT [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: jesus your discord server is dead as fuck [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: small wonder you have no friends [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you are human garbage(edited) [6:43 PM] Hellcat: I'm here to fuck ass [6:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: its completely dead its no use [6:44 PM] Hellcat: Plague queens are my fetish tho [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im here to fuck ass and fuck bubblegum [6:45 PM] Hellcat: Who failed you lmfao [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: yeah i had to rethink that cuz that'd mean it's someone else's fault [6:46 PM] Hellcat: It smells like poop and semen [6:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: as expected [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [REDACTED] just thought yall should know your friend is a gross transphobe who repeatedly talked about my partner's genitals after being asked not to [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and also claimed corona was a good thing because the world needs a "plague" [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: attention seeking teen edgelord bullshit [6:56 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: could only respond with "k" when it was brought up [7:08 PM] Ill: ? [7:09 PM] Ill: Logs please @Xzfgiiimtsath#6669(edited) [7:11 PM] Ill: It is without saying that unless evidence is provided, everything else is simply hearsay. I’m sorry to say that, without visible proof of this outrageous claim, you’re kind of just making empty accusations and slanderous character bashing. ): [REDACTED]  [7:12 PM] Ill: Oh, I guess they just wanted to troll. ): I’m sorry, hopefully this can be cleaned up. [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: OH HI [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JUST ASK HER SHE WONT DENY IT [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was pretty proud of it on furc [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i can post logs but judging from your response to that you'd just say i'd edited them lol [7:29 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: is it really hard to believe that she'd say something like that? seems pretty in-character for her [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i mean you guys jerk it to beast porn tho i dont have high hopes for any moral outrage here [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but if there were any trans people in the server id def want them to know [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was shit-talking people who care about their pronouns [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: my partner, who is trans, tries to explain to them what's wrong with that [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then Kunty's response is to repeatedly talk about not wanting to hear about their genitals(?) which has nothign to do with pronouns and wasnt part of the conversation [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: when asked to stop talking about their genitals she continues unabated just to piss them off(edited) [7:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you can choose to believe im just making this up for no reason if you want, but that would be really fucking brickheaded of you [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: care more about your shitty transphobic friend repeatedly who was bringing up my partners genitals randomly and without their consent(edited) [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: @ill [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: again, 0 hopes for you response, youre a fantasy animal r*pe enthusiast who says things like, "It is without saying that unless evidence is provided," [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: holy fuck get your head out of your ass [7:41 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but ill STILL warn you of your transphobic friend since judging on your art youre lgbtq+ [7:43 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you just gonna wait til i leave again to respond? figures [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you didnt even ask them about it, just "NO EVIDENCE SO ITS FAKE" [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you'd really go that far to defend this person when you have no idea what happened? [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: god you fucking suck [7:44 PM] Ill: Okay but [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but nothing [7:44 PM] Ill: You are actively here [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: wow youre a fuckin genius or something eh [7:44 PM] Ill: Why are you being aggressive? [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: because im pissed [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: obviously [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: stupid question [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: why are you deflecting [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and defending your transphobic friend for no god damn reason [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [7:46 PM] Ill: Okay, I understand that you are in an emotional state right now, but I would really need you to calm down first before coming off on a rage to people that have no idea what you are upset over. [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ? [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: read my post dumbass [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then you'd know [7:46 PM] Ill: No [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LOL [7:47 PM] Ill: Here is why [7:47 PM] Ill: The stupidest things we say are said out of Anger. [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you legit like 14 [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im wasting my time [7:47 PM] Ill: I will advise you a little more directly that you take time to calm down before you come venting. [7:48 PM] Ill: No, I am asking you to be an adult [7:48 PM] Ill: And not a raging tween with a hormone spike [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: said the literal child who thinks having emotions means "not being an adult" [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: lmfao [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: not being pissed about transphobia is a character flaw [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: work on it bitch [7:48 PM] Ill: I emphasize with your anger, I am not saying it is wrong to have them [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: emphasize with my anger [7:49 PM] Ill: I am saying that you are abusing everyone else for things we have no knowledge or control over [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: what the fuck are you talking about [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im warning you about your transphobic friend and youre being a piece of shit about it [7:50 PM] Ill: You are acting like a child, I’ve been there and done that - it does not end well. Please take time to self care for yourself first so you can be an adult that can have a calm conversation [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and you also fantasize about r*ping animals so again: 0 hope for you to have any concept of why things are wrong [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: total fucking human garbage [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [8:05 PM] Ill: I am going to go step away before I address this further, I am losing some patience very quickly. I am kindly asking you to do the same so that you may take time to care for yourself during this clearly highly emotional state you are in. Maybe sip some cool water, dab your cheeks with ice, and/or take a moment with a loved one that makes you feel safe. I do not know what else to recommend here, I do not assume ignorance right away when meeting people, and I would like to think that other people can also step back to rationalize themselves down from tensions like these. I call this being an adult, growing up enough to get beyond yelling and throwing every accusation at someone simply because you’re angry. Accepting that it could be possible there is a grave misunderstanding, or maybe even misinterpretation of intent/meaning. As a person that never gets these opportunities to rationalize issues away from pure misunderstood hatred, I have never seen the actual outcome. In the adult world here, if we are angry with someone that offended us, we can’t just go into their family bbq and be screaming like lunatics about how their goat fuckers based solely on our interpretations, either. That would lead to calling the police... it doesn’t get you anywhere ... not in the adult world. You need to stop and care for yourself before you come guns blazing. You don’t DO this in the adult world and then call the adults staring at you like a tantruming toddler “children” because they won’t feed your anger. I’m sorry, for whatever it is you feel WE did to you specifically. You came here, though and whatever your assumptions are, I understand that there is no arguing with you or reasoning with you beyond you are the victim of some unproven atrocity. 

- Xzfgiiimtsath#6669 - Hellcat#0186

(19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are.

#this is not okay #are you dumb #please read carefully #furcadia #furres #trans #misanthropy #unedited #real log #yes you may join #furries #furcadians #wow dude chill

[angelhummel]

im not trying to come for your opinion because thats dumb, but i have to ask: why dont you like britanna?????

Wow I’m surprised someone is asking to hear more as opposed to telling me to shut up about it lol. So not expected. Anyway, it’s pretty much a little of a lot of things that I don’t like :P

For starters, Brittany is faaar from one of my favorite characters. Like she started out as a lil Cheerio bitch who was kind of ditzy. Which is fine bc Quinn and Santana were also bitches who also grew. But Brittany went from funny one liners to not knowing a fucking thing, to just being kind of weirdly quirky for the sake of being quirky (leprechauns, Santa, unicorns, dinosaurs, etc) and then suddenly she’s a genius! Like I know Heather had to leave but there’s a million better things they could’ve done with her

I still have my issues with Santana but I love her a lot more. But sometimes her bitchiness is just sooo over the top and cringe worthy. Her monologues about Chris Kurt, Cory Finn, and Chord Sam and everything that’s physically “wrong” with them. And what does Brittany do? Tell people that Santana is really a good person and just misunderstood. Like. Maybe hold someone accountable for their actions?

And that’s a fandom thing too. Like Brittany is apparently so dumb that she doesn’t understand what constitutes as cheating and Santana uses that to her advantage to fool around with Britt when she’s obviously with Artie? Like that’s not cute. That’s manipulative no matter which way you slice it. And you know if any other pairing then they would get torn tf up for it. But apparently it doesn’t matter because they’re two hot popular cheerleaders uwu and they’re endgame so who cares

Plus I really love Dani, and I loved the little snippets of Dantana we got in New York. I just feel like they were more intellectual equals tbh. They were much more on the same level. And of course I love Pezberry the most. There was a lot of untapped potential. Honestly the only Brittany ship I liked was her and Artie. They dumbed Sam down so much before he got together with Brittany. Dislike 

Oh, and the fandom. Like it’s 2018. You can like your Brittana ship without having to shit on anyone else. I mean I’m answering a question right now but these people like make content dedicated to shitting on ships that aren’t theirs lmao. Get over yourselves

There are some parts I do like, I won’t lie. It’s not a 100% hate thing. All their s1 background moments are gold. Like who were they doing that for? Were they even conceived as a joke couple at that point? Idk but Heya was on it. And Santana’s coming out storyline is still one of the best things on Glee (tbh one of the veeery few good things from s3) and that kinda revolves around Brittany so. Oh, and Landslide and Songbird, which are two of my favorites. ...That’s it 

Anyway in summary: 1) Don’t like Brittany2) They don’t hold each other accountable for shitty behaviors3) Manipulation that stems from an intellectual power imbalance 4) Pezberry and even Dantana is better5) The Brittana fandom 

Aaand I guess that’s it! Thank you for your ask 💖

#anti brittana #anti brittany pierce #lol glee #asks #answered #negativity tag #Anonymous

[speed-reiding]

And Then...

A/N: I wrote the third part! Sorry it’s taken such a long time! I’d really appreciate any feedback on this part especially. I’ve tried to tag anyone who asked, but it’s been a while so I may not have gotten everyone. Let me know and I will tag you in the future. 

Warning: This is my second time trying smut. 

@reid-my-fortune @illegalcerebral​ @im-on-blue​ @janiedreams88

Part 1: Genuine Admiration

Part 2: Bliss

____

Spender just wanted to stay like that forever. Y/N was cuddled all around him, warm and smiling against his chest. And then, the practical aspects of what he'd done set in. He was Y/N's professor for goodness sake. He was supposed to be a mentor, or at least a gentleman. He'd planned on asking her to spend some time together, then asking her on a date. He'd planned to take things slowly and to show her how much he liked her. Instead, this. Not to be misunderstood, Spencer had loved every second of their encounter. But he wasn't in college or graduate school; he was an adult genius who was quite possibly in love with someone he barely actually knew. What had he done?

It was almost as if Y/N could feel the shift in his emotions because she looked up at Spencer in confusion and started to sit up.

"Spencer," she said simply, "is this the part where I tell you this is okay?" She started tracing circles on his bare chest and Spencer almost forgot his worries. Almost.

Spencer smiled at Y/N's words. "Well," he started. "I just don't want you to think I planned this or something. I mean, I really did want to ask you out for a long time- maybe too long-, but not like this."

"Oh really?" Y/N said, drawing out the last syllable and smirking, "then like what?"

Spencer blushed, realizing what he had just said. Then he remembered that the subject of his every free thought was in one of his shirts, draped across him. His mind drifted off a little as he tried to figure out how to answer Y/N without creeping her out or making her believe this was a mistake.

"Spencer?" Y/N asked again, but this time she had his phone. She looked at it quizzically, and handed it to him, "you're telling me you didn't plan this?" The phone was lit up with a text from Derek that read: Tell Y/N we want to meet her…after you have your fun that is. Good luck Pretty Prof.  

"Y/N, I…I can explain…I have never been at a loss for words before. I've never been so distracted. I'm a man of reason, of logic above all else. When we first met, you were a college student. I was your professor. I was supposed to be a mentor figure, but I found myself captivated from the beginning. I had a boyfriend, I was more interested in being in class and seeing you than being at home with him."

Spencer realized he was rambling; he could see it written across Y/N's face. But he had to explain. He didn't know what he would do if Y/N felt disrespected or like he had lied or was only interested in sex.

"He noticed. I felt terribly, but no regret. Then, you were gone and I realized I may never see you again. When I saw you were coming back for graduate school, it was just relief. Like I hadn't lost my shot. I championed too hard for you to be my teaching assistant. I just wanted to spend time together, to work up the courage to ask you out after the semester. But I just didn't want to wait."

Spencer watched as Y/N's expression softened from needing an answer to…he couldn't quite place it. He hoped it wasn't pity, but he'd happily take pity over distrust.

"I spent all night with my team in a bar, talking about you...by the end, they were pushing for me to call you. Tomorrow. To ask you out. I had no idea you lived in this building." Spencer looked panicked. Was he really screwing it all up? He wanted so much more from Y/N than a one night stand. And now that he'd kissed her, and so much more, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle her distancing herself. Still, he had to prepare for that.

"Woah woah woah, Spencer, calm down!" Y/N laughed lightly. She could not imagine seeming like the one in control of the situation, when she had spent the night daydreaming about the hot professor and ignoring guys her own age asking her to come grab drinks. If she were being honest, she had lost all interested in anyone else long ago and had really just been trying not to seem like a puppy hanging onto Spencer Reid's every word "I'm glad your team told you to go with it. I've been thinking about this, about you, for so long."

It was Spencer's turn to be incredulous. Before he could ask what happened next, Y/N's lips found his and she was kissing him deeply. He relaxed backwards as she flung her leg over him gracefully until she was straddling him. He could already feel himself getting hard again. Y/N pulled back to look at Spencer. There she was, the woman of his dreams, straddled across him wearing his shirt and nothing else.

"W-what have you been thinking about?" Spencer cursed himself for stammering but Y/N just smirked.

"I can show you easier than I can tell you. Is that alright, Professor?"

"Yes" Spencer was able to choke out as Y/N pulled him close. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and Spencer's grin must have been contagious, because Y/N couldn't stop herself from giggling just a little. Her face lit up and she leaned her head back slightly, causing her long hair to fall in waves around her. It was harmonious sight and sound Spencer had ever seen. In that moment, more than ever before, Spencer realized that he could fall irrevocably in love with Y/N.

"So, what should I share?" Y/N asked, teasing, using her position to her advantage, trailing kisses up Spencer's neck. "Anything you'd like to know?"

Spencer groaned when Y/N hit a particularly sensitive spot behind his ear, and Y/N made a mental note to do that more often; his moans sent a tingle straight down to her clitoris.

"How long have you been thinking of me?" he managed to ask, fully aware he was coming undone at her touch. He thumbed the ends of his t shirt she wore and pulled it over her head so they were both naked.

Y/N paused for a moment before saying, "Let's just say" kiss "I haven't been taking your classes just for your compelling discussions" kiss "though they are part of why I started thinking this way in the first place"  Kiss.  "I love the way you are when you're sitting up" kiss "I've always wanted to fuck you in while sitting in your lap" Y/N resumed her kissing, reaching her hand down between Spencer's thighs and stroking lightly at his erection.

"Y/N," Spencer gasped, "FUCK." Y/N mmmmed at the pleasure, growing ever turned on by Spencer's reactions. His hand had found its way between her legs and was stroking the outside of her lips, slightly making his way between them.

"You're so wet," Spencer said, sounding incredulous and proud at the same time.

"Mmmm," she responded, biting her lip again, "so hot for teacher."

This sparked something primal in Spencer. With a swiftness Y/N was not expecting, Spencer moved his hands to her waist and flipped her over, so he was now straddling her. Wasting no time, he pressed determined kisses down her chest, and stomach until his mouth found her wetness. His tongue wasted no time in exploring her intricacies. He placed his hands on her waist to steady her, his thumbs on her waist and fingers underneath her. He applied pressure to this fingers, slightly massaging her while his mouth continued to work. All the while, Y/N wriggled and moaned at his many touches. He was pleased to watch her come apart for him.

Before she could finish, Y/N pulled Spencer by the hair up to her. She kissed him, tasting herself on his lips. Spencer was surprised to find she already had a condom in her hand. He sat up while she opened it and allowed her to roll it onto him. Then, he lay on the bed next to her and pulled Y/N into his lap. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back and moaned as she sunk down onto him.

Then, she started to move. Spencer's hands found their way to her waist again and he moved in tandem with her. He was living out his dreams or rather, her fantasy. Fuck he thought he wasn't going to last long. Luckily for Spencer, Y/N was soon calling out his name and he could feel her muscles pulse around him. That was enough for Spencer, who felt himself reach his peak. They came together, a tangle of sweaty limbs and frantic kisses as they finished.

"Wow," Spencer said, as he tried to catch his breath, "that was incredible."

Y/N was silent for a moment as she got off of him. When she was off, she sighed happily, "Perfect." She began to walk towards the bathroom again, presumably to shower.

"Do you want to join me in the shower this time?" she asked, turning to look at Spencer. He nearly tripped over himself trying to get up in time, which made her giggle. It really was the most beautiful sound.

#reid x reader #criminal minds #spencer reid #professor reid #spencer reid fanfiction

[ithisatanytime]

one thing i am grateful for, is i literally never once in my life have been offended by someone saying i was stupid. im completely immune to that because for my entire childhood, teachers and people in general would rave about my intelligence, they would talk about it amongst themselves and i would get told about it later by my friends or my sister. call me a loser, thats true and painful enough but im a tall white genius with a humonguos dick, and i think you already knew that, people pick up on IQ naturally it was an important adaption for sexual selection, probably the single most important one for humans. when girls say they want a guy who is funny, why the fuck do they care? humor advertises intelligence, we are constantly advertising our genetic fitness and its constantly being evaluated on a subconscious level and intelligence is part of that. people realize im smarter than they are as soon as we start talking and you know what, it sucks dick. no one wants to talk to someone smarter than them, no one. so you learn to hide it, but you arent really hiding it because you cant, in fact there are studies that show we can accurately estimate intelligence just by looking at a picture of someones face for a split second (look it up) with far greater accuracy than random chance. so you arent really hiding it, but displaying social intelligence by attempting to hide it. i dont talk this way in real life, i treat this blog as existing outside of the mating game, though it isnt. i express myself more openly here than anywhere else. i genuinely wish i was ten to fifteen IQ points lower as i doubtlessly would be happier and probably more successful, there are social ramifications for being different, especially for something as intrinsic as intelligence, its incredibly alienating unless you are from the social strata whereby you can capitalize on it.

  do any of you think i type the shit i type on here and assume its benign to everyone? of course not. i know many will assume im evil for some of my views, when in reality i am barely capable of being mean. i am not a product of raw intelligence, i have met people smarter than myself (one dude actually) i am a product of my innate qualities and my environment, the specific circumstances of my life played a large role in who i am and what i believe. i dont care about math, largely because i have no natural apptitude for it and the specific circumstances of my life made being a math wiz a lot harder for many reasons. constantly changing school districts meant i was always kind of lost, before common core different school districts covered different things at different times, and math concepts are highly interdependent on each other. so i said fuck it, that being said i acknowledge that math is both conceptually very interesting and incredibly necessary for countless things, and one day i will have to bite the bullet, start from the beginning and attempt to catch myself up. ALL that being said how the fuck am i gonna expect people to understand biology, specifically natural selection to the same degree i do? that would be ridiculous! i fully expect most people at least initially will have no idea what im talking about and just assume i hate people who are different than me and want everyone who isnt a white genius with a massive cock to be shoved in giant ovens lmao. i feel that what i am saying is important enough, that its worth being misunderstood or hated for.

  this is a long text post for a guy who doesnt care lol, but i have been meaning to make a post like this for a while, the takeaway i want you to... take away from this is that i am a tall white genius with above average sized genitals, im very genetical fit and desirable to beautiful east asian women with low body counts.

[fallen029]

The Nuances of Seances.3

Previous Chapter

The shopfront looked downtrodden as fuck and the last place that Laxus wanted to go in was there. However, the first thing he wanted to be in again was Mirajane and, well, here they were.

"Ooh, spooky," Mira beamed as, upon opening the door tot he little shop, they were welcomed with a fitting decor. The walls were lined with shelves full of spell books that, after glancing at the titles, Laxus wasn't so sure he shouldn't be alerting the magic council about as well as multiple knickknack items that he wasn't so sure he should just be alerting everyone about.

Elfman, more worried about the crampedness of the locale, frowned as he looked around. He'd already hit his allowance for things broken that day (he was typically given three, but the table certainly counted as much) and did not want another scolding from Evergreen and Mirajane.

"What is this place?" he muttered to Ever who was looking around in disgust, Freed doing much the same. "Some sort of magic shop?"

"It is the shop of all dark magics big and small!"

The loud exclamation made Evergreen jump and Elfman tense up, as if ready to start breaking everything, scoldings be damned. Men don't worry about the punishment, after all. They take their licks without fear. Especially if it means protecting their woman!

The voice continued, however, before he could make a judgment call.

"Of course," the man that they then saw behind the counter at the front of the dark lit shop went on, "that is not to say that I, myself, partake in such dark matters. Rather, I see myself as a...collector. Yes, a collector. Who perhaps at times does sully himself with dirty deeds, but also can find himself doing the upmost of good. Who-"

"We," Freed sighed as Laxus almost let out a long groan, "are for sure in the right place."

"Good morning," Mirajane greeted in the cheerful tone only someone who'd been promised by their boyfriend a chance to buy any kitchen table the wanted could have. "We're here because our friend Bickslow-"

"Mira?"

Samael?"

"That," Freed complained as Laxus stared in shock while his girlfriend rushed through the tiny shop over to the man, "can't possibly be his name."

"He's friends with Bickslow," Ever reminded. "Anything's possible."

"Wait." Elfman frowned down at the two of them. "When you all say that you have friends outside of the rest of us?"

"Please," his girlfriend begged as Freed widened his eyes, "do not embarrass yourself."

"Mira." Laxus was heading through the shop as well, scowling at the sight of his girlfriend and the odd man embracing. "How do you know this guy?"

She grinned real big over at the approaching Laxus as the hug lasted a bit too long for the man's taste. "We," she began as they separated, "dated."

"Suddenly, I really like this little misadventure," Ever mused as she left Elfman and Freed behind to get closer to her one true love; unnecessary drama. Over her shoulder though, she did add a hissed, "Don't touch anything."

Which Elfman was all ready to follow...until he turned and saw Freed doing just that.

"She said not to touch stuff, you know," the muscular man carped as the slimmer one picked up some sort of jar filled with a blue liquid. "She's real serious about that sorta stuff."

"Have you not realized it yet, Elfman?" Freed hardly gave him a glance. "It's merely you who must follow her autocratic rule."

"Dated?" Laxus was repeating with a frown. "You dated this guy? He looks fucking fifty."

This seemed to offend the other man- Samael, as he claimed himself. Not that Laxus cared. He wanted to tell him he looked ridiculous to be the age he appeared, yet still sporting some sort of hooded robe, the shade a dark blue, nearly black, and have his face caked with some sort of white powdered makeup that Laxus wasn't sure if was to make his already pale skin paler or to hide the pretty obvious signs of aging. The worst offense was surely the dyed far too darkly hair that was poking out from beneath the hood that was thinning to the extreme.

He looked stupid.

He looked like what Bickslow would look like in a short number of years.

It was aggravating.

"Laxus," Mira complained as Evergreen had to hide her grin into the hand fan she'd produced for just such usages. "You're being rude."

"I'm being honest."

"Aren't you fifty? Yet?" Elfman called from where he was still standing in the doorway, still very fearful of that scolding he just knew was coming. "Laxus?"

"No," he growled, glaring over at the man. "I'm not."

Was he?

How long were they in that damn hyyper sleep spell thing on the island?

How old was he?

Oh gosh.

Was he forty?

"Would you two knock it off?" Mira glared over towards the door at her brother. "You're embarrassing me in front of Samael."

"That still," Freed sighed, "cannot be his real name."

"I'm embarrassing you in front of a man in a bathrobe, Mira?" Laxus asked. "Really?"

"A scared robe that I use during my most important sacred rituals, thank you." The other man, for some reason, was deluded enough to not understand why glaring at Laxus Dreyar wasn't such a grand idea. "The likes of which someone such as yourself could never wish to don."

"It has stains, literally, all over it," Evergreen observed, always one to take up for her (im)perfect idol. And, not to miss a chance to take a jab at her least favorite Strauss (though, honestly, that wasn't a hard category to lose), she made a face over at the man's girlfriend. "Oh, Mirajane, please tell me that he's just fallen on hard times."

"Samael is an...eccentric," Mira said with a glare. Then, glancing back at the man, she stammered a bit, realizing this could be seen as an insult. "I-I mean-"

"No, no, it's true." He turned from them then, of course taking the moment out to grasp part of his robe and allow it to flutter villainous behind him. "It is the tragic life story of every genius, good meaning or not. Misunderstood merely for existing. Cast aside-"

"Bickslow said you had a list?" Freed interrupted. He was still very concernedly scanning through the different potions, not so certain they worked, but still fearful of their legality. The last thing he needed for his reputation was to be busted by the government in a place that sold banned items. Not to mention they still had to spend the rest of the evening with said seith and, well, getting a double dosage of insanity was not something he was looking forward to. "One he had given you? Of things to put together for us to gather?"

His back was to the group and, for a moment, Samael just stood there, considering. Then he nodded.

"Yes. A list. From Bickslow."

As the man bent down behind the counter, Laxus moved to grab his girlfriend's arm and drag her back, just a bit, so he could bend down and whisper privately in her ear.

"Mira, what the fuck?"

"What, Laxus?" she complained as she jerked away from him. "Like you didn't know I have exes?"

"Ex- I don't care about exes!" He huffed a bit. "I care that you were dating losers like this before me. What will people think of me when they hear that your dating list consisted of the likes of a Bickslow knock off?"

"If anything, Bickslow's a knockoff Samael, considering he's been around longer."

"A lot," Ever called from where she stood as, apparently, they weren't whispering as lowly as they thought they were, "longer."

"How long do I have to stand over here all alone?" Elfman called out to the others then. "Because maybe I want to do some shopping too!"

"Forever," his girlfriend volleyed back, not wanting her chance at watching Mira and Laxus argue be dwindled away due to the man breaking something. "And ever."

"Laxus, I was young," Mira finally complained. "Young people make dumb mistakes. And obviously he wasn't fifty then."

"Great. So you were dating a forty year old creep."

"Late thirties."

"Mira-"

"Why don't we go through all of your girlfriends, Laxus? Huh?"

"This isn't about me."

"Neither was this before you made it that way."

"The list, the list, the list, the list," Samael was chanting loudly then as he dug around in a drawer behind the counter. "The l- Ah, here it is!"

"Do tell me," Freed asked as he finally glanced over, "that you have already collected the things? And were not just looking for the list?"

Instead of answering, or producing any sort of pile or box of already gathered things, the man only said, "I answer to no man! Much less a mere mortal."

"Freed's a lot more than a mere mortal, Samael," Mirajane assured him as Laxus tried hard not to just walk out, right then and there, and say fuck his stupid circle of friends. Stupid circle of idiots. Why did he even like any of these people? At all?

"If being the opposite of mortal, Mira, winds you up like him," the rune mage sighed, "then I am perfectly happy with my normal existence."

"The first thing on the list," Samael was calling loudly then as he moved to walk around the shop, "is a stone. A stone unlike any other. A stone meant to be wield by only the most competent of wizards. A stone-"

"Will that stone," Laxus grumbled out, "help us channel the dead?"

"What? No, of course not." Samael plucked a glassy blue rock from a shelf across the room from Freed. "It locates water, glowing when you are within up to five feet of it!"

"And you need it for a séance?" Ever asked, skeptical.

"No." Samael was already moving right along though. "He also has requested-"

"Why would you want a stone that only did that?" Freed was not one to be fooled. "Five feet? You should hear the rushing water!"

"Perhaps," Mira defended, "it finds puddles."

"It," Samael assured her, "does not."

"Can I move yet?" Elfman asked.

"No," came the chorus from all of the others, save the store owner, who were all equally tired of him asking.

"A deck of tarot cards," the shopkeeper was continuing. "Preferably the coolest looking ones."

"I thought those were for telling the future?" Ever asked. "Are we doing a reading? I thought we were having a séance."

"They are," Samael agreed. "And I have no idea what you people are doing. Convening with the dead, is it? Not many supplies one would need for that."

"Is anyone even sure that's what we're doing?" Freed looked to the others finally. "Did Bickslow ever explicitly state that? Because I thought all you needed were some candles for that. Surely Bickslow has candles."

"Are there candles on the list? Samael?" Mirajane asked.

"Mmmm," he hummed as he scanned over it. "Ah, yes."

'Seance candles?"

"I know no such name for an object."

"I'm convinced nothing in this damn shop has a name," Ever quipped.

"Fuck this list." The slayer was growing more and more peeved. Had he not found out that the creep in the robe had once fucked his girlfriend, he might have just stood outside and waited for the others to finish their misadventure. "We can figure out what we need. You said candles? Freed? Get the right candles and let's get out of here."

"I'm still thinking Ouija board," Evergreen told them. "Do you not summon spirits with that?"

"Yes, I was unsure of this as well," Freed added. "Bickslow acted as if those were not mutually exclusive with a séance. But are talking boards not typically what one would use?"

"Well," Mira began, "they are not mutually exclusive. Like a rectangle is always a square, but a square isn't always a rectangle. Using a Ouija board is always a séance, but a séance doesn't always require the use of an Ouija."

"I think you have that one backwards, Mirajane," her boyfriend sighed.

"Laxus, what do you know about this kind of stuff anyways?" she complained, tired of the slayer apparently. "What do you know about anything?"

"He was talking," Evergreen said with a roll of her eyes, "about the stupid squares and rectangles."

"If you people are having a séance," Samael interrupted, "then perhaps I can finally unload that stupid- I mean sell you the very high quality séance table that I have in the back-"

"There's a back to this place?" Elfman complained. "Why not make it the whole store? And make it bigger?"

"I usually don't have such...behemoths of customers," Samael explained with little tact.

"Usually when people pause, they're trying to find a nicer way to say something, you know," Freed remarked.

"This is all muscle!" Elfman insisted. "Manly muscles!"

"Ooh, a séance table, Laxus." Mirajane clapped her hands. "What are the odds?"

"What odds?" he asked. "This whole thing's fucking odd. And I'm staring to think that we actually had no reason to be here at all."

"Only starting?" Evergreen questioned.

"I have a great model that I can't unload," the store clerk was saying then. "That you would just love, Mirajane. Remember those late nights dabbling in the dark arts?"

"I'm gonna barf," Elfman informed then all. For once, Laxus agreed. "Seriously."

"He means learning spells," Mirajane complained as Freed too looked a bit sick. Ever, however, was beyond enjoying herself. "It's what we connected over."

"Oh, we believe you connected," the woman of stone remarked snidely.

"Why would Mira...love the table so much?" Freed asked slowly. "Exactly?"

"Perfect for seances," the man explained. "Circular, yes? And the top? A Ouija printed right on the surface! What a table it is."

"Soounds hideous," Ever remarked with a frown.

"No one who follows the path of such demented thoughts cares for any sort of thing," Samael complained. "We care about functionality. And it functions quite great."

"Because Ouija can be used in seances," Mira insisted. "See, Laxus? I told you."

"I never argued that. I was arguing about squares and rectangles."

"And now you're buying me a séance table."

"Mira, you're going to eat fucking breakfast on a table meant to summon the dead?" Laxus asked.

"I sure hope it's ectoplasm resistant," Freed remarked. "Else breakfast just got a lot grosser."

"What is that?" Ever asked, making a face just from the name.

"Something that only happens in possessions!" Samael made a face of his own, though it was in annoyance, fearful that Freed would hamper his sell. "Who would get possessed at a dinner table?"

"You don't know Bickslow that well, do you?" Ever asked with shake of her head.

"Well, we'll have one at the séance, I'm sure," Mirajane mused.

"Unless you use the table's Ouija board," Samael countered.

Looking up at her boyfriend, Mira said, "He makes great points."

"He makes no points. And this was all a farce." Laxus had had enough, apparently. "Bickslow sent us here for absolutely no fucking reason at all. So if we could all just hurry the fuck up and get out of this rundown shack-"

"Laxus, behave."

And that did it. Crossing his arms over his chest, the man let out a long, slow breath through his clasped lips.

All better.

"Now," Mirajane began after being sure her command had worked. "Samael, how much for the table?"

"60, 000 jewels."

"We'll take it."

That got the slayer speaking again.

"Mira-"

"Laxus I want it." Turning her eyes up to stare at the man, she gave him her best begging pose. "Please?"

Which is how they ended up finally getting out of there, the only thing bought being Mira's stupid table that Laxus and Elfman had to lug back in its box, all the way to the Strauss household.

"Oi! Boss! You're back! And with a table. Not too shabby, Mirajane."

"It's a séance table," she giggled as they found him in the house, sitting around in the living room. "I figured we could use it tonight."

"Ah, nah, we can't."

"Huh?"

Shaking his head as he didn't even move to help the others take it back into the kitchen, the seith stuck out his tongue as he said, "Our séance has to be outside."

"What?" Evergreen stomped into the house last. "So we do have to go outside?"

'Into the woods. Deep into the woods!"

"Deep," some of Bickslow's wooden babies called as the others added, "woods!"

"But Laxus spent a lot on the table." Mira kicked a bit at the ground before brightening. "Ooh, we can just start having a weekly get-together where we contact the dead! It'll be great for bonding."

"Where's my stuff?" The seith was starting to realize that no one had a sack of things for him. "Guys? Thought you went to the store for me?"

"Bickslow." Freed, who had gone into the kitchen with Laxus and Elfman to set up the table, was coming back to poke his head into the room. "None of the things on that list had anything to do with a...seance. Tarot cards? Stones? Not even candles!"

"There were candles," Bickslow defended.

"The man at the shop said they were for ritual sacrifice," Freed complained. "We went through each item on that list before we left. It was full of nonsensical things that have nothing to do with what you told us they would."

"I never told you guys that I wanted you to get me stuff for the séance." Bickslow held his head higher, still the only one seated. "I needed you to do this for me for personal reasons."

"What personal reasons?" Ever asked with a frown.

"It takes a lot out of a medium, okay?" The seith refused to look any of them in the eyes. "That's what I'mma be. Tonight. When I channel a spirit into me. For Lisanna."

"Then what the fuck," they heard a deep growl then from the kitchen, "was all that shit that you made us pick up for you meant for?"

"Boss," Bickslow started, "I'm a man of many interests. I write up lists of things, give them to my guy, he gets it all together, come back the next day with all sorts of new stuff for my house."

"Tarot cards though?" Freed was skeptical. "You can read tarots?"

"Of course not."

"Then why did you want them?"

"I'm dark soul, Freed."

"How have you never bought them before then?" Evergreen asked. "Hmmm?"

"I've bought all that stuff I put on the list before. The water stone, the cards, the candles, the gold pendant to ward off the undead-"

"Then why did you want us to go out and get it all again?" Elfman called out to him. "Huh?"

"Uh, because I'm not only a man of many dark interests." Bickslow tongue wagged a bit. "I'm also a man who misplaces things constantly!"

For a moment, the house was completely silent.

"I'm gonna kill him."

But only for a single moment.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him, Mirajane. I'm serious this time. This is it. This is the day that I strike down this whole damn town-"

"Laxus, take a breath." Mirajane was rushing in there. "And ooh, look at my new table!"

"You had better hope, Bickslow," Freed warned as Ever too rushed off to calm the slayer down, "that whatever it is that you're planning goes off without a hitch. Because you've more than pissed everyone off by this point."

"Just trust me some, huh? Everything's according to plan." Folding his hands behind his head with complete ease, he said, "All we have to do is wait till nightfall. Then you'll all see. Swear."

So the daily thing didn't happen. Had a lot going on the past few days. Still, I'm not abandoning this one. Swear.

#Miraxus #Bixanna #Elfever #Freed Justine #Fairy Tail #Fanfiction #3 of 5

[xtreme-icecream]

the usual deal I Guess is for me to draw OC’s in squad batches; this one is a team i’ve nicknamed The Goddamn Squad™, i like 2 imagine them as an action rpg party n that means theyre gonna save the world, As Usual

character into notes in the read more bc Ya Just Gotta

so the one at the top right with the big blue anime eyes is Abel:

-her name is abel bc?? name genders??? theyre like fashion: theyre there for aesthetic. get names that suit your style helen -she wants to *zack fair voice* Become a Hero but like that’s vague and her definition of it changes constantly so in effect her goal is Altruism p much -her way of life is swords. she loves swords. smithing fighting history decorating All of it -The Chosen One™, eventually, after the first third of the story i guess -there’s an important sword see it chooses her lmao  -a Good Misunderstood Orphan-class hero. a naruto. -as u can see she’s every generic inoffensive jrpg hero x10 but with a drop of character development and a dash of gay and also for once she’s a girl (ya gotta). she’s here to subvert everything -also she’s half dark elf (whatever i end up calling those) but she doesnt know and she also doesnt know that the Greater Cosmic Forces have hated her guts for like 7000 years

at the right of abel, the one who looks like she has a bug on her head, thats Ce(ci)lia:

-rich -i drew her a lil more sinisterly than she really is tbh she’s a gentle soul but she presents herself in a way that makes her hard to approach, smh -she’s so nice she’s almost boring. what few snide tendencies she has she got bc abel rubbed off on her.  -she n abel live in the same hometown n go to the same Not Sword Hogwarts school (which her dad owns). they’re two different kinds of top students which means they’re best friends of the rival flavor -theyre also girlfriends they dont know that yet i guess???dam -uses a Gun so u know she’s rich when u fight her lmao -her signature plot weapon is a morphing sentient symbiotic lizard shield thing tho. it cramps her style (gun+shield??blease) but the plot demands it  -most likely to leave the party and Then come back as a duel boss before coming back -im gonna be honest here i’ve always wanted my own riku/sasuke/weiss/celica/zuko character so that’s what she is i guess

at the top left is Hawke:

-like archer elf aladdin but he’s in a thieves gang -he’s a wood elf, different from abel, js -his real name is Marcus Piccabeen and he’s the only guy whose name im Sure of rn. (everyone actually has a surname rn but they need finalizing) -he lies, cheats and steals and such but Actually he wants to be heroic too and climb up the classes in society so when Abel and Celia track down his gang he tags along with them because he thinks theyre pretty cool -he’s a thief but in the party he’s the mage character. his arrows are made of magic bc 1) he cant Buy arrows 2) cant make them either 3) one of his gang friends is a magic genius and taught him -he calls the magic arrows “bolts” bc crossbows and also like when zeus does the lightning thing. they work like that -his other agenda is finding the guys who pillaged his hometown and hunted the elves down but its more of a closure thing than a revenge thing

the guy who looks like if lok’s mako cameoed in thundercats and put on a dead anime mom hairstyle is Damian:

-u talk to him a lot as a suspiciously-designed npc before he joins the team for real. he helps the main party but he has his own thing to do see -he’s of the kind of fantasy race that’s animal people (he’s a lion i think) -(there’s a whole discussion for why he’s so human-looking but it boils down to: My Own Shortcomings. but thats meta talk anw) -he’s some kind of spiritual scholar, his academia whatever is about studying for the betterment of the spirit and society or something. he’s on a research trip that doubles as a pilgrimage. -honestly the most static of the characters so far despite what he’s doing but i’m very close to figuring out his character arc. it has to do with the prince of the main kingdom -exposition? u got it

the generic-looking guy with the undercut is Randall:

-his archetype is that of the sad young man with a dead girlfriend. crush. whatever -that crush was the princess leading the war effort (u can taste the fire emblem) so really i guess he had it coming  -he was like, a handpicked lieutenant or some kind of secondary position like that, which was a promotion from Personal Retainer or something helps to be friends with the princess huh -the princess is a Major character despite dying a third of the way in, and is Very Important to abel’s arc, so he’s here to be her ghost. something like that. -he n the princess were part of a Trio tho; his personal issue has to do with the third character there

finally the ominous one with the not-human vibes is Astreia:

-she’s sboilers,,.,,, -she’s a recurring boss, but for story reasons the astreia u get in the party is Way powered down from boss!astreia -the fact that she’s the last party member would be sbpoilers too if this was an actual thing -the Real zuko but her mark is celia -not from this realm, but after Developments she can’t go back home because the Big Fellas Beyond the Clouds told her to fuck off bc she screwed up -is the lore equivalent of a fallen angel i guess -she’s been here for centuries and only admits after joining the party that she wanted to get along with mankind but they’d find her too freaky :((

anw thanks for looking all these designs are Super tentative they might change tomorrow even *dabs*

#all my main characters have a number and a color and most of the 1's are light blue #original #xtreme clutter #i forgot how to color so i had to relearn as i did this lmao #does mobile still not cut readmore i havent been there in ages

[jivingcryingboy]

20/1

Got back from LA. Was surreal. Nothing really crazy happened, it was more seeing how a different type of people lived. As far as the music went, that was really cool. 

I never really explained it properly. The label I’m with are planning to get ‘influencers’ to get on board with the company in terms of getting their name on the social media world. If an online personality tells their many followers to download their app...well it makes sense really. I got a phone call the other day saying they wanted to fly me down to LA in for a night in a mansion streamed live on their app. This night would be hosted by an influencer called Kristen Hancher who has 5.5 million followers. I think she got big on a music app called Musical.ly which is now called Tik Tok. I’m beginning to feel old. Basically you mime along to your favourite songs whilst videoing yourself with quirky visuals. She has a massive audience now and a little mention of the company, as I said, can be huge. If I recalled corechley, Beiber tweeted that song ‘Call Me Maybe’ and kickstarted her career.

Anyway this gig is in a mansion, and when I say mansion I mean it: Hollywood Hills, swimming pool, massive open plan rooms, you name it. They organise the people, they have the location, they’ve got the advertising...the music? It’s really funny, at every level I’ve played, the organisation and knowledge of the musical equipment/set up does not correlate to how big the event is; meaning even if the gig is in the living room or if it’s at a 500 people great music venue, it does not guarantee that there will be a better set up at the music venue. At this gaff there was no mixer or mic stand, and the mics were battered and there was very few people who knew what to do. Of course once it was discussed, the people there had the money to go out and get the mixer and everything else but I find it amazing, music is sometimes the afterthought. In a way though, it’s a business, and that’s what I’m beginning to see. The thought and care was put into the connections, the venue, the people, the social media. These factors are just as important as the music and maybe be even more important. So we set up in this crazy place and the gig is going to be pretty much a big house party, hosted by Kristen.

9pm comes and I do my set. It went ok, I was a bit nervous in places, I don’t think the people who were there knew exactly what was going on too much but it went ok. After that I’m in room full of influencers and their friends. Amongst these influencers were models and also a dog. Yes a dog, and this big husky has 1 million followers. Dyed pink ears, and a dyed pink tuft right bang on his head. There was a start up t shirt printing business who were doing t shirts right then and there and the guy who owned the dog had a t shirt made with ‘IM RICH, YOU’RE BROKE’ on the back. As the party moved on to bedroom, and I don’t mean that in a sexual way, the bedroom was as big as a luxury flat with open plan bathroom with open fireplace. 100 people in there easssssy. I got talking to the owner of the place. He told me he preheated his bath (water tap coming from the ceiling) for his foursome that night. I said what? as in say that again. He goes shhhhhh my girlfriends right behind me > meaning she wasn’t going to be involved. He showed me a stash of chewing viagra gum (?) and a liquid siphilia??? (no idea what the word is) which gives you a hard on for a very long time. On the huge balcony I was talking to a few people who were all smoking legal mary jane, think it was legalised back in late 2015 in California. And you could tell even by the smell how much nicer it is. I’m not a smoker myself but you could also tell how shit UK weed is even by the smell, mixed with whatever knows what.

Some of these convos were half a minute insta name swaps, they didn’t really feel like real convos. It felt like a status party, and to be fair, these were people’s livings, it was turn up at a party, build ya rep, be seen. I have to say everyone was very positive. That’s a very American trait that I admire, it’s all self belief, you can do it, believe in yourself. Over here there is that respect of people trying their best, but only when you’ve done it. During the journey, it’s not perceived as cool. Once you’ve got there, the destination and journey in hindsight is seen as cool. There’s a lot of cynicism here, a stay in your lane kind of outlook, we Brits are veeeery sarcastic. There’s a lot of positives in that; the ability to form great relationships through taking the piss which is necessary to every friendship, humour, modesty. But it does create boundaries for people attempting to go outside themselves. In America, I think it’s different. There’s an appreciation for someone’s dream no matter how hyperbolic, unrealistic, crazy, foreign, strange etc. I do like that. And you could say that there lacks an honesty that people need to hear sometimes which can big up your ego a bit too much, but it also gives you a chance to develop the absurd which can lead to great things. I saw this video once where someone said genius is a misunderstood idea. It isn’t a gift that a tiny percentage have, it is in fact a gift that most people have but which gets hindered by heard mentality, self doubt and a societal reaction which suppresses your intrigue and capacity to learn and experiment. This results in doing nothing, conforming to doing what how the majority live, not exploring your potential. Practice instead of natural ability.

I was wrestling it in my head a bit. Music wise all this status stuff, the schmoozing, would benefit my music. It really doesn’t come natural to me. I can play, do the gig, I can come off stage, talk about the reasons why I do it to people, but to promote myself, get people to listen/follow me, it doesn’t come natural to me. I am learning to do it a bit more, in the right moments but it’s something I have to fight with myself in order to do. Music aside, my career aside, I think if you delve in that way of doing things, way of living almost, you do lose a bit of your humanity. I really don’t mean this in a condescending way but it really seems to me by judging, evaluating or even living all of your life in the hands of strangers’ admiration seems to quite dissociative, if that’s the right word. I mean maybe people would say it’s narcissistic but to be honest I think it’s actually a lack of self knowledge which is the issue. I mean if these influencers’ followers just packed up and unfollowed them, I would like to think these people would have enough passions, desires, self sureness to sustain their worthiness in life. Don’t get me wrong, if all my friends decided never to see me again, I would be extremely sad, but I could draw on the things that I like and know about myself and continue to live my life; I have built up a healthy relationship with myself in the last few years without the need to of others to verify what I do. I have to say that’s the thing that is good about being single: you deal with your own shit. Any problems cannot be put on someone else, you have to sort out your own shit. I guess the downfall of being single is no one is there to call out your shit if you’re being a dick or fucking up in one area. I’m lucky i have friends who can call me out though. it’s about looking at the family and friends’ reactions to what you’re doing and taking literally a poll of what they say. To be fair, I don’t know if most of them at some point would have judged a music career to have been a good decision. I guess it must be a continuous balancing act between choosing your own vision, desires and stubbornness and deciding when to learn from other people’s opinions. Trying to make it as objective as possible.

At the same time, do I wanna be that guy by not doing something which may benefit my music? Something that I might naturally reject, like I said before, for 1 minute of shame? It’s a balancing act. Too much of that world can drive me crazy, lose touch with my human side. Too less of it, attempting a music career, may affect me down the line. I think it’s a balancing act, and one which I’m trying to work on figure out at each step.

This week 21 - 25

Monday, Tuesday - L, F

Wednesday, Thursday RSIM

Saturday - Sunday we’ll see what needs doing 

[90stvqueen]

manicpixiedreamalien replied to your post “manicpixiedreamalien replied to your post: ...”

if you look at the wikipedia page on van gogh's death there's a section about a theory two dudes put out that van gogh was actually accidentally shot and covered for the shooter, but their theories are totally flawed and are clearly from two people who have never been depressed and honestly im a little annoyed to the point where i want to show them the dw episode and be like "look this is more accurate than your 'his paintings were too upbeat for him to have killed himself' theory and yes there is timetravel involved but guess what, everything in the world can point to good things down the road or even in the present but depression is a funny fucked up thing"

i remember reading that theory a long time ago and part of me hoping it was true because then at least it would mean he was never so depressed he was that suicidal, and another part of me hoping it wasn’t true because then it would mean that someone actually wanted to kill him and now... i’m not gonna say i like that he killed himself because obviously i don’t, but i understand. i hate to say it, but i do understand.

i just think that whenever i think about van gogh i get sad because he was so lonely for so much of his life and so depressed, and have you ever rewatched a movie thinking, “maybe this time it won’t end like this?” or reread a book with the hope that your favorite character wouldn’t die this time? because that’s how i feel when i think of van gogh. like there’s still a chance i could save him, strangely. even though he’s been dead much longer than i’ve been alive, it feels like his story has been left openended. 

i also hate that he gets boiled down to his mental illness, that all anyone knows about van gogh is that he was sad and a little crazy and a misunderstood genius. i just wish i could go back in time and become his friend and get him some prozac 

#manicpixiedreamalien #reply #suicide- #i need to go to bed im rambling

[abooklover]

Thoughts on shadow and bone Netflix series. I kinda only thought to do this after I’d watched the first 2 episodes so here is a run down of my thoughts, as a person who’s read the books before, for each episode from episode 3.

EPISODE 3

THE STAG!!! Which I thought was the stag, but then thought they were playing with us and just gonna show a tree branch or something

I love Danielle as Nina

Awwwww, Leigh hugging Alina is pure gold

Kaz and his goat - he literally had it on a lead

Baghra: “she’s quite brutal” (The Apparat) - “where’s the rest of you”, starts hitting her with a cane

“what are you?” seems to be a running theme

“How much of a gap?”

“Hug the goat” - Jesper and his goat

Aghhhh, I can’t wait to see Jesper and Wylan - I swear to god there has to be a season 2

“You have always been my true north, Mal” - kinda cringe but I loved it (I honestly did not care much for any of the characters in the shadow and bone books except for Nikolai but my God am I in love with all of them now)

EPISODE 4

“I leave you a bullet to remember me”, MILO!!! - oh god I love Jesper

Jesper walking away from the goat looking just as devastated as when he has to walk away from a gamble

Unlike most I didn’t like the Darkling in the books and Rule of Wolves only did a little to redeem him for me. But my god I actually see redemption for the Darkling. Ben Barnes and that scene by the fountain thing... I can’t even. He is not evil, he’s just misunderstood🥺🥺

“You and I are going to change the world, Alina”

👐 - ‘LIGHT’

God I love Matthias (Calahan Skogman!!!!)

Teary, face touch, pull in...asdfgh

I’m not gonna be able to watch Matthias die, like I just can’t

Poor Dubrov just tryna take a piss

Matching scars, awwwwww

Genya is absolutely perfect 😍😍

EPISODE 5

OH MY GOD, the Lantsov double eagle - was this always at the start or did I just miss it

Genya and Alina’s friendship is pure - too bad it’s gonna be ruined when Alina find out Genya betrayed her

“I suppose he’s moderately attractive”

I want Jesper and this random stable boy to make out so bad!!!

IT’S HAPPENING! this is not a drill. IT IS HAPPENING!

I’m sorry David fixing his hair is just something he’d never do - he’s barely aware it exists in the books

Are Fedyor and that heartrender (maybe Ivan) a thing???? Or am I just reading into things

Ben Barnes is in love with Alina

What is David’s smirk

Random. But Kaz’s aversion to touching people hasn’t really been showcased. Like I don’t think people you haven’t read the books will get it. Hopefully it’s emphasised more in the later episodes

Oh I actually love Fedyor

I honestly don’t know why Kaz trusted this random dude to help them with their quest - like it’s not something I think he would do

Again random, but I want more Matthias

Alina’s black kefta is 👌

General Kirigan...are you jealous???

OMG!!! Marie is dead, what??

Well I guess I should’ve seen Kaz’s plan with that guy - damn even after reading the books I still miss part of his plans

That make out scene... GOD. I have no words. It was perfect.

Man, people who didn’t read the books would’ve been so surprised by that reveal

What the hell is that portrait - is it weird or is it just me

Jeez Alina you turned on him fast

I want to see more of Kaz’s cane

Inej killed someone - this is only the beginning

Jesper’s at the height of confusion. He’s like what the fuck did someone say to get her to just get in the trunk on the back of their carriage like that? How could we be so lucky? He’s so happy with himself, I can’t.

EPISODE 6

“Poor Nina” - like you care General Kirigan

Dude you’re gonna die - you’re dead, dead, dead

Told you he doesn’t care about Nina

Damn, shirtless Matthias really has me going 👌👌

And.... Matthias is in love with Nina - god that scene was pure gold

“I see you now” 🥺🥺

“It’s not natural for someone to be as stupid as he is tall, and yet there you stand” - Ahhhhhh, I can’t even. This made me so happy

I take back any queries I had about Danielle as Nina, she is perfect 😍

Jesper, dude, put your guns away. You’re meant to not draw attention to yourself.

Darkling and Kaz encounter, ahhhhhhhh

“You are scared that if you laugh at my jokes or answer my questions you might start to think I’m human. Would that be so terrible?”

So I just have to say they did an amazing job of incorporating book quotes into Nina and Matthias’s storyline and I am living for it

Nina and Matthias 🥰🥰 - I am in love

Is that worry for Inej I see Kaz 👀

“He threw a book at me” Jesper says with disgusted confusion. Me tho and damn it was a hardcover so you bet it had to be worth it

Oh poor David is so awkward

Mal is honestly perfect - “You don’t owe me an explanation. I just want to keep you safe”. I didn’t like him in the books but he is so different, in the best way possible.

EPISODE 7

Who the hell is this random woman with young General Kirigan. Did I miss something. What is going on - THE TURNING POINT, right. The creation of the fold.

Does young Darkling with long hair remind you of what Yuri would look like after the obsibaya, or is that just me?

I’m getting sick of this flashback

Wait is Kaz’s cane broken???? Was that not the actual one??? Like the one made by a Fabrikator wouldn’t be able to break right??? Does David make it????

Im lovin this snow in dark hair aesthetic

That must have hurt the ego Kaz

Crow talk. I actually can’t.

Ok so the necklace merged with her skin. Ok.

“Yes. You should now have full access to all of her light. In theory” - oh David

THE GOAT!! Would you look at that Milo is the saviour, helping Mal escape. I think he needs an award and the love of the fandom

I actually love that tent and Alina’s visage even with the collar - aesthetic is on point

Man, THAT LINE!!! - “Fine, make me your villain.”

Ohhh Jesper and his jokes

“NO MOURNERS, NO FUNERALS” - I can’t. I think I’m dead.

EPISODE 8

Jesus, the goat - I’m with you Jesper, Milo advocate all the way

Oh God, I can’t see Matthias die. I just can’t.

“I will keep you warm” (more like melt me from the inside out) then the fucking almost kiss that killed me, interrupted by...wait for it... a rumbling stomach and Nina’s mention of waffles (most perfectly sequenced scene in tv history ever)

Matthias: “Is there meat in this?”. Nina: no but you are a genius, I should try that some time (Nina Zenik is my spirit animal)

This isn’t fair. It hurts. If we get Matthias angry at Nina I don’t think I will be able to take it.

Why is there like lightning in the fold??

Kaz: “He’s a man consumed with vengeance.” Jesper: “See it enough in the mirror do you” I love this in every way possible.

“Why would we destroy the fold. It’s the greatest weapon we’ve got” - I don’t know if you just hadn’t noticed but it’s torn your country in two. Potential war is a problem ya’know

Zoya’s aunt - foreshadowing king of scars

Expansion of the fold!!! I’m actually not sorry he killed that dick of a general though

They used the same skiff as they did when they first went in - the light splayed on the deck

“I don’t have to kill you Darkling, your past will do it for me.”

Awwwww cute little campfire with everyone

I’m sad we didn’t get Kaz stealing anything - dirty hands really needs to earn his name

Zoya shoulda been more coarse

“I need you” - Jesus Kaz we’re really diving into it. Kaz should have been more ruthless too. He’s showing too much weakness for my liking

No, no, no. “Matthias please”

Ok so last Alina voice over was weird

Nichevo’ya!!!

There better be a season 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 or I’m gonna die.

#shadow and bone #Netflix #shadow and bone netflix #S&B #s&b tv series #s&b spoilers #shadow and bone spoilers #Kaz Brekker #Alina Starkov #The Darkling #General Kirigan #Mal Oretsev #Inej Ghafa #Jesper Fahey #Nina Zenik #Matthias Helvar

[theskyexists]

start of halt and catch fire? GOOD. end of that sex scene? fuckin hilarious

jfc that character is like my total opposite. like ten years older than she really is

all that went through my head is: is that the piemaker??? (great acting)

ahhh the seventies, when a woman comes home from work and still has to fuckin cook while her husband stands around listening to music and drinking soda (i know, i know that still happens)

god, what a nightmare. what a fucking nightmare!!! there’s no way to run from this man because you’ve got kids and a mortgage and you’re dependent GUHDFLJSDFKL

depressionnnn

but god the way this feeds into his WIFE having to pick up EVERYTHING is hell

i understand he’s totally disillusioned blablablab and depressed but jfc he’s such a shit dad, shit husband, and doesn’t appreciate anything, not even an opportunity

so he failed at his dream? now i wonder what his wife dreamed about

‘the symphonic was the best thing your dad ever did’ - hmmm but his wife just said they built it together HMMM

HE bought it? He bought it when they couldn’t pay for the dentist????

i think that’s typical isn’t it. great commentary on one of them factors. ‘i’ve never had the burden of believing that im some misunderstood genius’ - most people aren’t geniuses. some people are very good at something. but if you believe it, there’s a chance that you’ll make some huge wave. a small chance. There’s way fewer women who believe it, which makes it much less likely a woman makes that wave. they still do it though.

‘don’t you understand what you have’

‘it’s not enough’

then why THE FUCK did you start a family. but ok just fuckin divorce him already he can’t have everything thats just how it is. but why didn’t he tell rich guy to buy that shit or reimburse him? what an idiot

he attempts to have it all. but this is definitely gonna come crashing down

‘figured you needed a break’ - right, because standard is that she cooks and the moment she comes home, he leaves it to her. doesn’t clear up.

oh damn, you could see it go through her head ‘i though i’d lost you’ - i like that they can come together like this

who do we have right now?? that one student that i almost had sex with but then i got condescending and she kicked me in the metaphorical balls lol

but he STILL remains likeable.

this haircut looks even better on Mackenzie

i love how they emphasise that she’s a genius, and BITES, but she’s still green in this new environment

GREAT song choice

this actually is great television

#jdklfjsd #djflkjasf #djflkjsaf #djfajldf #jdfkajfld #my stuff #vidi #hcf